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Vigilance (Chapter 1 - Revisited)

Word Count: 13.0k

Pairings: Sam Kiszka x Reader, Jake Kiszka x Reader

Warnings: Language, Alcohol, Drugs and Smoking, Angst, Pining, Secrets, Allusions to Sex, Allusion to Virginity Loss, Anxiety, Crying.

A/N: Hello friends! Our baby Vigilance is one year old today, and we thought what better way to celebrate than doing a little rewrite of the first few chapters? Though the innocence of the early days is still very much present and preserved, we wanted to fine-tune them to embody what Vigilance finally came to be. Nearly 4000 extra words have been added, giving a little more context, clarity and angst.

Thanks for sticking with us when the story got difficult to tell, through the rollercoaster journeys of each character, and for allowing us the grace necessary to grow as writers and human beings.

So here is Chapter One… edited, embellished, and redecorated to reflect our more recent writing style. We’ll have the next few chapters out as time allows us, but we hope you enjoy revisiting and going back in time as much as we did. Again, thanks for all the love you’ve shown this story over the past year, we couldn’t have done this without your words of love and support each week!

SEPTEMBER 2013

HER POV

You fidget nervously at your desk, staring out the window of the second-floor classroom. You’d managed to tune the teacher out for most of the class period, but you suddenly perked up as you waited to hear who your assigned partner would be for the semester long History project. School had only started a few weeks ago, and you had hardly made friends with anyone in your classes yet. There were a few familiar faces that came with you from middle school, but no one that you really considered to be a friend.

High school was different. Everything was much more fast paced, and you learned quickly that being surrounded by people even a couple of years older than you proved to be quite the culture shock. They smoked cigarettes in the parking lot, made out in the hallways, and even owned their own cars. You even heard a couple people at lunch last week planning a party at their parents’ house while they were gone. You spent the last few weeks acclimating to the change of environment and getting into the groove of your new schedule.

You pleasantly surprised yourself when it hit you that third period History class was turning out to be one of your favorites.

As you listen to your teacher read off the names of the assigned partners, you hold your breath as she reaches your name.

“Y/N, you’ll be with Samuel Kiszka.”

Sam?

He looks your way and gives you a cheerful, soft grin. You can barely see his eyes behind his swooping brown bangs. You can see the outline of his braces under his lips as he gives you a small wave in acknowledgement of his assignment. You smile back, suddenly feeling a shyness creep over you.

You wouldn’t say that you and Sam are friends, but you have known him for a long time. A very long time, actually. Your parents are best friends with his parents, and they have been since highschool. There have been many times that the Kiszka’s would spend New Years Eve at your house, or you at theirs. Fourth of July was always spent with them, and even sometimes Thanksgiving. Your parents had been constants in one another’s lives, and they had passed their loving relationships right down to their kids. You grew up around the three brothers, and though they felt more like distant cousins than friends, you always saw them as just other kids you spent the holidays with.

When the teacher called out Sam’s name, it felt like a huge relief, like a nervous weight had been lifted from your shoulders. Now you wouldn’t have to spend the entire semester getting to know someone you didn’t choose yourself, and working closely with them on the project. You already knew Sam, just superficially.

As the bell for the end of class rang, you collected up your books and zipped them into your mesh Jansport backpack. As you stood up, Sam approached your desk, gripping the straps of his own backpack. “Hey partner!” he smiled.

Looking up at him nervously, you replied, “Hey Sam!”

“I’m kind of glad teach put us together,” he said. “I don’t really know anyone else yet.” His eyes drifted aimlessly around the rest of the room.

“I thought the same thing!” you say, reaching in your bag and pulling out a piece of scrap paper to write your number on. You searched your bag for something to write with, coming up short as you realized you’d zipped them away in your pouch.

“Ah, care if I borrow this?” You asked Sam, gently pulling the pencil he had tucked behind his ear. He jerked away a little, like he didn’t expect you to reach your hand up to him. “It’s okay Sam, I don’t bite.” You giggled, quickly scribbling your number onto the strip. “Here’s my number. Text me so we can start to plan out our ideas. Seems like it's going to be a huge project.” You tucked the pencil back behind his ear, noticing his lip get stuck on his braces a little as he gave you a shy smile.

His cheeks turn a sweet pink, and he accepts the paper from your fingers. “Cool. I’ll uh, I’ll text you later about it. Be thinking of ideas.” he says, nodding his head and walking off.

Maybe this won’t be so bad after all.

Thinking of topics for the project proved challenging. The premise of the project was to explain the history of a man-made modern day object. You spent a lot of the day thinking of things that were interesting and had a cool history behind them, but that wouldn’t require too much difficult research. The last thing you wanted to do was get bored with your choice.

As you sat down at a table for lunch that day, you began to unpack the lunch your mom made for you. One or two girls from your previous class sat around you, and you talked mindlessly about the pep rally coming up and about the football game that would follow it.

“I got a dress, but someone said it’s not a dress-up event. Everyone just wears what they wore to the game. And it’s gonna be cold, I can’t wear my heels to a football game!” You listened as your fellow freshmen girls debated on what the traditional homecoming norms were, disassociating from the conversation.

As you zoned out, you noticed Sam. He was sitting at a table with his best friend, Danny. They were typical teenage boys, cutting up and cracking jokes as they tossed pieces of french fries at one another. Danny had always been around in your life, too, though you didn’t know too terribly much about him. Just that he was Sam’s best friend since kindergarten.

Sam’s eyes caught yours and he flashed you a smile, before quickly turning his attention back to Danny. Throughout the rest of the lunch period, you caught each other's eyes a few more times, but nothing more than just small glances. He had kind eyes and you could tell he had grown into a good person. He’d always been a nice guy, but maybe getting to know him a little better during this project could prove he was a little bit more than just nice.

—

You can smell the dinner your mom is cooking as you reposition yourself in your desk chair, your right leg practically asleep tucked up underneath you. You’d spent most of the evening with your nose in your Economics book preparing for the test tomorrow. It wasn’t your best subject, but so far you had a pretty good grasp on it. Gliding your finger along the text you take in the words trying to commit them to your memory. As you reach the end of a sentence, you notice your phone light up and a buzz shakes the wooden desk.

Unknown: Hey it’s Sam

Oh, that was quick.

You’d half expected him to lose the slip of paper you gave him as you watched him shove it into his jeans pocket, but much to your surprise he didn’t. You added his contact to your phone and sent a quick reply.

You: Hey Sam!

It’s not long at all before he answers, as if he was staring at the screen waiting for your response.

Sam: Do you have any ideas for the project?

You: Yeah I do! I was thinking maybe we could do something music related since you are all into that now.

Sam: I’d love that, but are you sure?

You: Yeah, it will be fun and easy. Maybe we can do the evolution of the guitar or something?

You hope that by choosing a topic he’s interested in, he won't leave you to do the majority of the work.

Sam: That would be awesome. I always knew you were cool.

You: Lol, thanks…

Sam: Do you want to come to my house tomorrow and we can start on it?

You: You don’t have something better to do on a Friday night?

You smile to yourself as you send the message, because you know that you also have nothing going on either.

Sam: Nah, just mess around and play music in the garage like usual. Plus if we get this done we don't have to worry about it the rest of the semester.

You: Good point.

Sam: My brother can drive us to my house if your mom can pick you up?

You: Sounds good!

Much of the next day at school is spent researching between classes and checking out library books about guitars, something you know nothing about. By the time the final bell rang, you had consumed so much information about guitars that you felt like you could probably play one if you picked it up. As you walked to the Senior parking lot you heard Sam call your name from across the lot. You turn around to see him running toward you, all legs and arms as his hair flew back in the wind.

“Hey!” he says, out of breath.

“Hey, are you ready to go?” you ask, clutching the stack of library books in your arms.

“Yeah, I think Jake's car is in the back. We’re always so late in the mornings, drives me nuts.” he says with a hint of annoyance.

You shrug your shoulders and smile, remembering that little detail about his older brothers. His eyes flick down to the books in your arms, noticing you’re struggling to keep them all steady. “Oh shit, I’ll carry those.” he says, reaching for the stack.

“Oh, no it’s okay, I’ve got it.” you reply nervously. You’ve never had anyone offer to carry your books before, and you can feel yourself blushing.

“How about we half them?” he asks, grabbing a few books off the top of the hefty stack.

He starts to walk to the back of the parking lot, and once you arrive at the car you see Jake leaning against it, waiting, and clearly very annoyed. He looks a lot different than you remember him. His hair has grown out and his clothing style has matured.

He cuts his eyes at Sam from behind his dark-tinted sunglasses, “You’re late….” his eyes look down to the books in Sam’s arms. “Carrying her books, a nice touch brother.”

“Shut up Jake.” Sam quips back. “I’m helping her carry them.”

Jake's eyes flash to you, his eyebrows raising slightly as he looks at you. His mouth starts to move as if he is going to say something, but he stops himself and purses his lips together, giving you one last glance as he turns on his heels to get into the car.

You swallow nervously at the awkward exchange, and get into the backseat of the messy sedan. Sam throws his stuff into the back seat next to you and shuts the door, opting for the front seat.

The late August air is billowing in through the open windows as Sam reaches to fidget with the radio volume. You laugh quietly as Jake smacks his hand away and raises his pointer finger.

“How many times do I have to tell you to not touch my stereo when the king is playing?” Jake barked.

Sam scoffed. “The king? Why do you consider Clapton the king? I mean he’s good and all, but he’s no Townshend.”

“And there’s where you’re wrong, idiot.” Jake flicked his hand on the back of Sam’s head, making his hair fly up.

“Fuck off, asshole!” Sam complained, wiping his hair back into place as best as he could in the blowing wind.

“Hey!” Jake yelled. “No cursing around the lady, do you have no manners?!” Jake kept his eyes on the road while craning his neck back so you could hear him. “Sorry my brother’s such a rude host.”

“Oh no no, you know I don’t care.” You laughed, because you were truly enjoying watching their discourse. Classic brotherly activity, just like they always had.

The rest of the drive to their house is short and you’re thankful. Something about Jake’s presence had started to make you feel a little uneasy. You got a swirling feeling in your stomach and your mouth was about to dry out completely. The feeling is only further accentuated by his quick glances through the rear view mirror. He is studying you, but why?

You quickly look away, embarrassed that he caught you looking back. A small smirk crosses his lips, and the sight of it makes your heart skip a beat. Sam looks at him with a puzzled look before looking away and turning the radio up.

“Elvis is the king. Josh would agree with me.” Sam mumbles under his breath, crossing his arms over his chest.

A few minutes later you’re pulling into the driveway of their house. A house you have visited many times before, but never without the buffer of your parents. You get out and shut the door, watching Sam and Jake gather their things before joining you on the front porch. Jake unlocks the door and you all pile inside. It’s just the same as you remember, cozy and clean with just the right amount of clutter to make it feel lived-in. Jake looks at Sam and then to you, again like he was going to speak, but deciding against it at the last second. His eyes linger for just a moment, before he heads upstairs and the bedroom door closes.

“Has he always been this weird and I never noticed?” you jokingly ask Sam.

He gives you a strange look and shakes his head, “I don’t know what his deal is. Sorry about that.”

“Oh I don’t mind, all good.” you say dismissively. But you do mind, and you will be thinking about that look in the car, for the better part of the foreseeable future.

You and Sam spend the next several hours spread out on his living room floor, laying out books, papers, articles and notebooks with research and information, trying to create a timeline. You have created a solid outline for the paper portion of the project, but will have to put in more work on the actual poster board set up and model, as well as actually writing the paper. As you finish outlining the final section of the paper, you hear Jake coming down the stairs and you both turn your heads to look at him.

Your blood runs cold when you realize he is dressed in nothing but his jeans. It feels almost wrong to see him like this, like you weren’t supposed to be witnessing it. You turn away quickly, focusing back on the books and tasks in front of you. When he makes his way into the kitchen you release a sigh of relief that you hope Sam didn’t notice. As you continue to work, the image of his bare chest flashes through your brain. You push it away and refocus, trying with all your might to regain your composure.

A few minutes later he walks into the living room and positions himself on the couch, watching the two of you with an egotistical look as he scrolls on his phone mindlessly.

“What do you want? Go away.” Sam says aggressively.

“Mom said they will be home late and that I need to ‘supervise’ you.” Jake replies smugly with air quotes.

“Supervise? Supervise what?” Sam asks, practically yelling.

Just as Jake went to answer, the front door flew open. Josh waltzes into the living room loudly announcing his arrival.

“Honey, I’m hooooome!” he exclaims.

He sees you on the floor next to Sam with Jake on the couch, and raises an eyebrow as he hangs his coat on the little metal hook by the door.

He looks over to you with a smile, “Y/N! What are you doing here? I haven't seen you in forever! How are you? How’re you liking highschool?” he asks. He has always been the more welcoming and talkative one of the twins. He always made a point to have a conversation with you at every gathering, noticing when you felt uncomfortable in larger crowds. Jake, not so much.

“Hey Josh! Me and Sam are partners for History class this semester. We’re working on our project. And… highschool is highschool. Nothing to report just yet.” you reply with a laugh.

“Well give it time, good to see you!” he says, bounding up the stairs.

You look over to Sam as he shrugs his shoulders, and you can't help but feel Jake's eyes burning into the side of your head.

“Do you mind if I get a glass of water?” you ask Sam, your voice cracking a little.

“No, go ahead.” he says, continuing to write the thought he was having, down onto the paper.

You stand and make your way into the kitchen, opening the cabinet that you know you’ll find the glasses in, and walking over to the fridge. You’d done this a hundred times before but now, your hands were shaking.

You open the door to grab the pitcher and pour the cold water into the glass. As you shut the door you are shocked to find Jake standing a few feet away leaning against the counter with a smug look on his face. His hair is dusting his shoulders, flipping up at the ends in soft little wisps.

Your eyes travel the length of his body up and down, taking in the changes that have happened since the last time you saw him. Suddenly you are seeing him in a whole new light. The glow of the fluorescent lights above cast a soft shadow on the dips and curves of his abs, his torso a bit more broad across the shoulders. Hisshaggy brown hair is even longer now, hanging in his eyes as he crosses his arms across his chest.

He is…attractive. Not something you ever thought you would think about a Kiszka boy. Practically growing up together, you thought you would always just see them as friends. But apparently, that’s not the case anymore as you feel your eyes raking him up and down.

You realize that you are staring at him and quickly look away, only to hear him chuckling under his breath, a smug grin on his face. You take a drink from your glass and nervously walk over to the sink. Your heart is beating fast at your sudden realization of how your body is reacting to his presence. You’ve got to play it cool.

He walks over towards you, leaning on the countertop. “Why’re you breathing so heavy?” he asks with one eye closed.

“Drank too fast.” you reply, looking up at him, hoping he will believe you.

“Hmm. Whatever you say.” he says, pushing off the counter and walking back into the living room. Your heart is still pounding as you hear him walk away, and you hope that your lie was believable.

You set your glass in the sink and just stare at it for a second, realization washing over you as you think about the interaction.

Oh god, you’re busted. He totally knows.

Returning to the living room flustered beyond belief, you rejoin Sam on the floor and continue to work on your project. Jake is still perched on the couch playing on his phone, his corded headphones plugged in as his fingers tap against the couch cushions in time with whatever song he is listening to. You can’t help but feel his eyes on you, burning into the side of your head. You shake away the nervousness pulsing through you, and try to focus on the project, but you quickly realize it’s no use.

About an hour later the doorbell rings, all three of your heads snapping up towards the sound.

“Oh yeah, Mom ordered pizza.” Jake says, jumping up to answer the door. He collects the boxes and tips the driver before walking to the kitchen.

“You hungry?” Sam asks.

“Yeah, I could eat something.” you reply with a smile.

He smiles back as he stands, extending his hand to help you off of the floor. You make your way into the kitchen and stand around the island as Jake takes plates out of the cabinet.

“Sam, go tell Josh there's food.” Jake says with a stern tone.

Sam rolls his eyes and trudges up the stairs with a grumble. You swallow nervously, realizing you are yet again left alone with Jake. He opens the pizza box and looks up at you. You immediately look down at your hands and again you hear him laugh under his breath.

“Why do you keep doing that?” you ask, a little annoyed that he thinks making you nervous is a game.

“Doing what?” he replies facetiously.

“Waiting for me to look at you and then laughing when I look away.” you respond.

He gives you a playful side smile as he answers, “Because…you get all nervous and blush. It’s cute. I’m starting to think you have a little crush on me.”

“No I don’t!” you reply, your cheeks warming in embarrassment of his accusation.

“Hey, it’s okay if you do. I wouldn’t be mad.” he replies, handing you an empty plate with a cocky look and a glint of mischief in his eyes.

Before you can say anything, Sam and Josh bound into the kitchen and are so loud that it breaks the tension between you and Jake almost immediately. Thank god.

As Josh and Sam begin to tear into the open boxes, Jake raises his voice, “Hey!” Everyone stops what they are doing, turning to look at him. Returning his voice to a normal tone he continues, “Ladies first guys, come on.”

Your face blushes into a bright crimson yet again as all three of the boys turn to look at you in apology, urging you to go ahead. You quickly walk over and grab two slices, before finding a seat at their kitchen table. You sit just staring at your plate trying to process everything that just happened, your mind racing with a hundred different emotions knowing it will be seconds before you’re face to face with all of them again.

How does he know I think he’s cute?

Why didn’t I deny it again?

He wouldn’t be upset if I had a crush on him? What does that even mean??

The rest of the guys join around the table and begin their conversations, talking and laughing about one thing or another as you eat. Jake is sitting across from you and you have done remarkably well not looking at him one time throughout the entirety of the meal. You can tell he notices, too.

As Josh asks about your History project, Sam starts to explain your selected topic. You listen intently as he talks about all of the research you’ve done, and just as you go to speak, you feel something slide across your foot, knowing instantly what it is. Your cheeks heat again and you see a small, hardly noticeable smile cross Jake's lips.

You pull your leg back so that the contact is lost, doing your best to soothe the flames on your chest.

“Do you know much about guitars?” Josh asks, directing his eyes to you.

“Oh, um, no actually. You’re gonna laugh at me but I’ve actually never even held one.” you answer, taking a sip from your glass of water.

“You know, Jake could probably teach you a few things if you were interested.” he replies, and you nearly choke. The water has slipped past your throat in just the wrong way, causing you to make a spectacle of yourself.

You feel Jake’s foot slide across the side of your ankle, soft and warm as you try to regain your composure.

“Yeah, you just call me if you’re interested.” Jake says with that same sultry side smile.

You know his words mean something different than what Josh intended and your heart starts to beat quickly as his eyes stare into yours. You notice how pretty of a honey brown they are, and the length of his dark lashes nearly touch his cheeks when he blinks. It nearly chokes you up again.

You nod to dismiss the conversation, and Josh starts in on another topic almost immediately.

Throughout the rest of the dinner, you feel his foot twisting with yours trying to get your attention but you do your best to ignore him, not once sparing him a glance. What does he want from me anyways?

You all finish up and pile your plates in the sink and you and Sam return back to the living room to keep working. Josh and Jake are in the kitchen cleaning up, bickering back and forth as the doorbell rings.

“I’ll get it!” Sam yells out, and he walks to the door, opening it to reveal his friend Danny.

“Crap, I forgot to text you. I’m trying to get this History project done so we don’t have to worry about it.” he says, letting Danny in the door.

“Hi Danny.” You say standing up to greet him. He returns the hello and turns back to Sam, “I can go. No big deal.”

Sam looks conflicted and turns to you, “Do you think we have done enough for today?” he asks, twisting his fingers together. You can tell he doesn’t want Danny to leave.

“Yeah, I think we have a really good head start. I just need to text my mom to come get me. Shouldn’t be too long.” you say, pulling your phone from your pocket.

“Well, we were just gonna play some music in the garage, you can stay if you want to?” he says, a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

“Oh, it’s Friday night…I don’t want to intrude on your plans…” you say, giving him another out.

Jake comes into the living room from around the corner, “Think of it like research for your project. You need to see one in action if you’re gonna try and write about it, right?” he asks, shrugging his shoulders with a smirk.

Smooth…

You look at Sam who is shrugging and nodding his head in agreement.

You bite your lips inward and turn back to Jake, hesitating for a second, “Okay, just for a little bit. I do want to see you play – I mean, I want to see all of you play – I didn’t mean–” you stammer, stumbling over your words. You actually aren’t sure what you meant, but you think it was probably close to the first thing.

“Bitchin’.” he replies, flashing the tiniest wink at you.

Jake places a hand on your shoulder and lets it slide across the top of your back as he makes his way upstairs. You shove your phone back into your pocket and take a deep breath, unsure of what you’d just been talked into.

“You can follow us out to the garage, but grab your jacket, there’s no heat out there.” Sam says, waving his hand to follow after him.

You follow him and Danny out the side door and into the stand alone garage at the end of the gravel path. He turns on the fluorescent lights, and they start to buzz as they warm up. You see a drum kit, a bass and an electric guitar all hooked up to amps and you turn to look at Sam. “When did all this happen? This wasn’t here last time I was here!” you ask, shocked to see the set up.

“We kinda got serious about it over the summer. We’re gonna try and make a go of it I think. We have some songs worked up, and Danny is our new drummer.” he answers, holding out his hands to present Danny like he’s on a silver platter.

“That’s so cool!” You reply. “Danny, I didn’t know you played.”

“Play a little bit of everything, actually. The guitar’s my one true love, but these guys needed some percussion, so I decided to fine tune my skills to help them out. Just kinda… stuck around, huh, Sam?” He replies, taking a seat behind his kit.

“Yeah, and you’re not going anywhere.” Sam demands as he slings his strap over his head. You found it endearing that the biggest smile came across Danny’s face, telling you that he felt proud to be playing with them.

You sit down on the old faded red couch and cross your legs as you watch them turn on the amps and fiddle with their instruments. A few minutes later the door opens and Jake and Josh come in to join you. Josh sits next to you on the couch as Jake throws the guitar strap over his shoulder. He checks his amp and grabs his pick as he adjusts the strap on his shoulder. He has on a hoodie now, but that doesn't stop you from picturing how he looked in the kitchen earlier. Almost as if he knew what you were thinking, a smile flashes across his lips as he turns the knob on his guitar. Hearing his guitar roar to life, you feel a spark travel through you. He is so concentrated, and the way his hands are moving across the strings is bringing back that swirling feeling in your stomach from earlier. He is in his element, and he wanted you to see it.

For the next hour they play to an audience of just you, Josh eventually getting up to join them for a few covers. You didn’t even know Josh could sing, let alone like that. You’re actually glad you stayed. They sound good, better than you expected, and it's nice to actually be doing something other than homework on a Friday night.

Bouncing your foot along with the music you look at each of the guys, examining their hands and the movements they are making to create the sounds you’re hearing. You find your gaze fixed upon Jake and his hands, watching him for far longer than any of the others. When you realize and look up you see his eyes trained on you, watching you just as intently as you were watching him. He nods his head in a ‘come here’ motion, and you reel back slightly. What?

“Come over here.” he says, his demeanor a little softer than earlier as his brows furrow.

You stand nervously and approach him. He slings the guitar strap over his head before placing it over your shoulder. It hangs heavily around your neck, as he smiles. “Okay, grab the neck,” he says, picking up your hand and placing it on the frets, “...and this arm…” he says, pulling it through the strap, “Rests here. There, now you’ve held a guitar.” he smiles.

The feeling of his hands on your body in any capacity is enough to send your nervous system into overdrive. You feel like you might faint, but quickly reel it in so that you don’t make a fool of yourself. He walks around to the front of the guitar and places your fingers on the strings in a specific pattern.

“Okay, hold those there. It might hurt a little but it’ll go away.” he says, pulling the dark green guitar pick from between his teeth and handing it to you. “Okay, take this and strum the strings.”

You grab it from his hand, examining the green speckled plastic, still warm from his lips. You do as he says and the note rings out. A smile crosses your face and his as it echoes through the garage. You can't help but notice the shine in his eyes and the dimple in his cheek. A look of pride.

“Hey! You did it! You’ll be replacing Jake in no time!” Josh jokes from his stool. You look over to Sam who has his hands on his hips and an annoyed look on his face.

“Jake, isn’t like, your girlfriend coming over or something…” Sam asks pointedly.

Jake doesn’t answer, but he steps backwards from you, realizing the way things must look.

Your eyes flick back to him, noticing his face is red, and you try to break the tension. “Thanks Jake, I feel like I am definitely qualified to write about this now.” you joke, removing the strap from around your neck and handing the guitar back to him. Your hand brushes his in the exchange and you feel that spark again. You place the tiny green pick in his hand and you watch him slide it into his pocket, as he returns back to his place on the rug.

As you make your way back to the couch you pull your phone from your pocket and send a quick text to your mom letting her know she could come pick you up. You spend the next twenty minutes watching them play and goof around with different songs. They all look really happy, smiles plastered to their faces as they laugh and try to sing louder than each other. When she texts you that she is here, you stand up and zip your coat to prepare to leave.

“Are you leaving?” Jake is the first to ask, and you see a look cross his face that must be embarrassment, realizing that he has come across eager.

“Yeah, my mom is here to pick me up. I just need to get my things from inside.” you answer.

“Oh, I’ll walk you inside.” Sam says, quickly throwing his purple bass onto the stand. You see Jake's mouth open, but he closes it and steps back biting his cheek.

Was he going to say something? What was he going to say?

“Thanks for letting me stay and hang out with you guys! Can’t wait until you’re headlining an arena some day!” you laugh, waving at all of them and stepping over the threshold of the door. You close the door gently behind you peering through the pane of glass to see Jake watching you go, giving you his own version of goodbye with his eyes.

As you lay in your bed that night, the memory of your impromptu guitar lesson played through your head, closely followed by a pair of piercing brown eyes willing you to stay just a little longer. Against your will and better judgment you fall asleep that night thinking about Jake Kiszka.

The next several Fridays were spent at the Kiszka house. Your parents were thrilled that you had formed a friendship with the guys, and his parents had extended an open invitation for your welcome into their home whenever you wanted. Fridays turned into Saturdays, which turned into going to hangout with Sam most days after school.

You and Sam had become extremely close friends, even after the project was all said and done Freshman year. You and Sam even went to prom together Junior year. At a certain point you thought Sam might have feelings for you, but when you started dating Michael Carvey later that year, that suspicion went away.

By summer of Senior year, Michael was a passing memory and you and Sam were closer than ever. Their band actually had taken off. They were on the path to even record an EP if everything worked out. You had never been happier for them. You had seen first hand just how hard they worked to get there. You even helped Sam pass Calculus so that his parents would let him go play bar gigs in Detroit til 2AM. He was your best friend, and you would do anything for him. You just wanted to see him succeed, and he was.

While Sam never truly came out with his feelings for you after Michael, you knew. He knew. It was unspoken. You spent practically all of your time with him, but you didn’t feel that way about him, really. The way you felt about Sam wasn’t brotherly, per se, but more like a protective and territorial friend that you couldn’t imagine your life without. He was special, in a lot of ways. He made you feel safe, he made you laugh, and sometimes when he’d fall asleep on the couch beside you with his head on your shoulder, you let him stay that way until you fell asleep, too.

Then there was the time Josh shoved the two of you under mistletoe one Christmas Eve, jokingly holding your bodies together until one of you planted a kiss on the other. You remember laughing hysterically as you both fought it, Sam’s long hair sticking out from underneath his oversized Santa hat.

“You have to kiss, it’s the rule! St. Nick says so!” Josh had bellowed through the crowded house.

“Shut up, Josh, damn! I’m not kissing my best friend!” Sam’s face was beet red as he laughed and pushed Josh along with you.

“Even more reason for it to not be weird! Just do it!” Josh yelled.

The memory of Sam being the gentleman that he was, and deciding to grab you up in the sweetest hug, placing a tender kiss right on your cheek instead of your lips would be burned into your mind forever. You knew he wanted to do it for real, but he didn’t want to risk it making things weird in your friendship. And you were happy he stuck with the kiss on your cheek. It would never work between you and Sam. It couldn’t.

What Sam didn’t know, and what you could never tell him, was why. You knew it would ruin everything.

It was Jake, and it had been since that day in the garage. You thought that he was just your first real crush, and that when you had a boyfriend that feeling would go away. But it didn’t. It never did. Throughout the years it was a look here, or a touch there. He would say or do something, anything to keep you hanging on and it always worked. You both knew it. But you also both knew nothing could ever come of it. You couldn’t do that to Sam. As the years passed, you grew distant from Jake as he and Josh went off to college. You and Sam grew even closer, and now Senior year was drawing to a close quicker than you could blink.

—

MAY 2017

“Hello?” you answered your phone, balancing it between your shoulder and your ear.

“Hey… did they tell you?” Sam asked.

“Who? Tell me what?” you ask, sitting down on the edge of your bed.

You hear Sam laugh, “Our parents think they are sneaky and are throwing us a surprise graduation party.”

“Oh, well I guess it's not a surprise now, huh?” you laugh, shaking your head.

“I hate surprises!” he pauses, “I only found out because I heard my mom talking to Josh on the phone.”

“Oh, is Josh coming home for this?” you ask, knowing that if Josh was going, Jake wouldn’t be too far behind. At least, you hoped.

“Yeah I think they both are. Lucky us…” he says in an annoyed tone.

“Yeah, well, let's just get through the actual graduation before we worry about the party, okay?” you ask, trying to calm him down.

“Alright, you’re right. I’ll talk to you later.” he says hanging up.

You throw your phone onto your bed and bring your hand to your chest.

You haven't seen Jake in months. A feeling of anxiety washes over you at the thought. You have kept up with him on social media, but he hasn’t been home when you’ve gone to hang out with Sam lately. They just finalized their EP and he and Josh have been in Detroit working on the tour schedule.

You got into The University of Michigan for the fall term and you are so excited you can hardly wait. Sam decided against college, following Jake. He wants to see where the band will take him, knowing that if he decides to ever end it, college will still be an option. Danny did the same, shortly followed by Josh dropping out too. Jake only attended the first year of college, deciding that his band was his dream, and doing everything he could to make that a reality. They were going to make it, you just had a feeling.

–

A few days later as you are putting on your graduation dress, you stop and look at yourself in the mirror. You remember standing in this exact spot the day you started highschool, wondering who you would be, and what you would look like in four years. A lot has changed since that moment. You have filled out, become more of a woman than a young girl. You are smart, 5th in your class. You have a partial scholarship to your top choice college and a whole bright future ahead of you. You have had a few boyfriends, a few different hair styles and a few friends come and go from your life. But one thing has remained constant in those passing four years, the forbidden and undeniable tug in your heart for Jake Kiszka.

You push the thought from your mind as you grab your cap and gown from the closet and head downstairs to meet your parents. They think they have pulled a fast one on you with this whole surprise party thing, and you let them believe it. You know they are going to miss you terribly when you leave for college, so you could let them have this.

Hours later as you strut across the stage to accept your diploma, you notice a face in the crowd that tugs on that heartstring once again. You wondered if he would be here. If he would actually show up. He looks different now, his hair longer, grown out to the tops of his shoulders. His face is a little more structured and defined, his eyes somehow darker and more brooding. His lips, more plump and inviting.

Stop, this is not his moment.

As the Principal hands you your diploma you exit the stage and take your seat. You are proud of your accomplishments and who you’ve become, and you find yourself wondering if he is, too.

—

As you pull into the driveway at the Kiszka house, you see cars lined up all up and down the streets, in typical Kiszka fashion they have invited the whole town. As your family makes their way inside everyone rushes towards you and congratulates you on your achievement. You spend the next twenty minutes greeting everyone and thanking them for coming and for all of their support over the past few years.

As your parents get tangled up in conversation, you make your way to the kitchen to see if you can sneak yourself a drink. As you step into the kitchen, you could almost feel his presence. Standing, waiting. Almost as if he knew this would be your first stop. A soft smile pulls across his face as he extends a red solo cup to you. You smile and grasp it, taking a sip that nearly chokes you.

“Oh god, Jake….What in the world is this?” you say disgusted.

“A little bit of everything. You better get used to it, college girl.” he says playfully, smiling a little bit harder now.

You roll your eyes with a smile and take another sip, knowing it's only a matter of time until you’re whisked away by another family member. You try to savor this moment with him, just the two of you.

“I didn’t think you would come. Haven’t seen you in a while.” you say casually.

“You thought I would miss this?” he asks with a dramatic hand to his heart, almost as if you’d hurt him.

“I don’t know… You’ve just been busy, with the EP and the tour and all…” you trail off, biting at your bottom lip.

He pushes off the counter and looks behind him, before bringing a hand to the side of your face, rubbing his thumb over your cheek bone. His breath hitches and he pauses for a second, just looking at you and taking you in.

“You’re so beautiful.” he breathes, his hand sliding off your face and down your arm. His fingertips graze yours as he turns and walks away without another word.

JAKE POV

You had to go. You had to get out of there. You walk out of the kitchen, the smell of her perfume still lingering in your senses. You can smell it on your hand. The hand that touched her perfectly soft face, just seconds ago. You knew if you stood there for one second longer it would be over. Everything you have fought for years, gone in an instant. You would kiss her, and it would ruin everything. So instead you left her there, with the only thing that you could force out of your mouth.

‘You’re so beautiful.’

And god, was she. She always was. Even that day so long ago, sprawled out on your living room floor next to Sam. Perfect, innocent, beauty. You haven't let that day slip from your mind even once. She was the prettiest thing you’d ever seen. You felt compelled to be near her. You couldn’t stay away.

It’s been four years, and with each passing day you watched her change and grow and turn into the beautiful woman that was standing in front of you, and even after all this time and everything that had happened between you, you still couldn’t have her.

You remember the day Sam told you that he liked her. It was just a few short weeks after that night in the garage. You were crushed, but he could never know that. You knew you could never have her, simply because he wanted her. She was his best friend. It was forbidden. So you watched from afar, wishing it was you laughing with her on the phone each night. Texting her the funny things that happened in your day, or just hanging out and going to the movies together. Anything with her. But it wasn’t you. It was Sam. The worst part of it all, was knowing she didn’t feel the same for him, and trying to help him see it himself.

You both knew it would never be more than stolen glances, and secrets. Even if you both wanted it.

There would always be Sam.

—

Stepping back into your bedroom you shut the door and walk over to your dresser. You open the tiny wooden box on top and dig out the joint you rolled earlier in the day, thanking yourself for thinking ahead. You put it in the front pocket of your shirt along with a lighter. You close the box and glance over to the card sitting on your desk. You have been debating on whether or not you were going to give it to her all day. You look away and walk back to the door, twisting the knob and leaving the room to rejoin the party downstairs.

The party is starting to die down, a lot of your parents' friends have already left, but a few linger still. You join your siblings and friends in the basement, knowing that Y/N will be down there. You run your fingers through your hair quickly, and take a deep breath as you head down the steps, your boots echoing on the staircase.

Everyone is hanging out, lounging on the couches and chairs, even a few people are spread across the floor. You see Y/N on the couch next to Sam, and you look away as you sit next to Josh on the floor. He is right in the middle of telling a story in his usual overly animated style, his hands flailing through the air. You never really understood how he did that. You were never too good at storytelling.

You lean back on your arms and cross your legs in front of you and you listen, trying to focus on him, but your mind fixated on her. You look around the room and your eyes meet hers. She bites her lip into her mouth as she looks at you. You wished she wouldn’t do that. You find yourself thinking of how her lips would feel between your own teeth. How she would taste. How her tongue would feel on yours. It wouldn’t be the first time you thought of it, however. Her eyes dart away from yours just as Sam begins to speak.

Your eyes move down her body, focusing on the light reflecting off of her bare legs. They look so smooth, they are practically shining, even in the dim lighting of the basement. You force yourself to look away, and start a side conversation with Josh, but the whole time all you can think about is her and how she looked at you in the kitchen. How she has always looked at you. How you looked at each other. As the years passed by, the stolen glances and quick peeks had blossomed into eye contact that made you feel like falling straight into the pits of hell. Like she was speaking to you with her eyes, telling you all the things she could never say out loud. Would never say out loud. Earlier in the kitchen was the closest you’d ever been, the feeling of her breath warm on your hand still giving you a cold chill. The feeling of her body reacting to your touch…

You have purposefully stayed away from her for the past few months. You couldn’t trust yourself, and you have thankfully been busy with the EP and planning the tour. You have spent a lot of time in Detroit and have scarcely been home, but that didn't mean you weren’t thinking of her. She was always there.

Everytime you would come home you would hope she was there hanging out with Sam, just wanting one look from her to hold you over another few weeks. But she never really was. So when your mom called and asked if you could come home for Sam’s graduation, you didn’t hesitate to jump in your car and head home immediately. You knew she would be there, and here she was, even more beautiful than the last time you saw her.

Knowing that you needed to get her out of your head before you acted on it, you stood up and walked back upstairs, making your way to the back porch. You position yourself on the old wicker patio set in the corner and pull the tightly rolled joint from your shirt pocket. Placing your feet on the table in front of you, you block the wind and light the end of the joint, hoping it will ease your mind just a little bit. Taking a long drag you breathe in as deeply as your lungs can take and let it slip slowly past your lips.

You tilt your head back onto the chair and stare up at the night sky, counting each star and trying to pick out the patterns you recognize. A smile crosses your lips as you find the little dipper. It always makes you think of her.

Her sophomore year, Fourth of July. You pointed it out to her. Somehow she had never seen it. It was the first time you held her completely, trying to position her the right way to be able to see it.

“I can’t find it, are you sure it’s there?” she asked, struggling to make out the slightly dim constellation.

“Yes! See, right there. Directly at the end of my fingertip.” Your hands held her shoulders tightly, maneuvering her to stand directly in eye line with it. “Those, then there, and there, that makes the Dipper part. Then that one, and that one, they make the handle. See the North star? It’s right at the end.” You explained, standing behind her and leaning your head down low beside her ear. The smell of her shampoo mixed with her perfume instantly made you dizzy, the aroma of her making all the rest of your senses stand at full attention.

“Oh, there it is! I see it, Jake! I see it!” her voice was squeaky and excited when she finally made it out, her hand gripping yours tightly when she did.

“What, did you think I was lying to you?” you asked, her hand still holding yours as she turned around to face you.

She titled her chin up in the air, giving you a tight grin. “Maybe.”

You’d huffed through your nose, the atrocity of the thought that you would ever do anything but tell her the truth nearly knocking the breath out of you. Your hand squeezed hers tightly, the warmth of your fingertips contrasting against her cold skin. You let your other hand bravely grip at her ribs, your hand burning a hole through the thin cotton of her shirt. The tiny gasp that escaped her lips made you lose your breath, the first time you ever intentionally touching her somewhere that wasn’t common.

“I’d never lie to you. Never will.” you said, making yourself a promise you weren’t sure if you’d keep, but damning yourself if you ever tried.

“You promise?” she breathed as her hand met yours on her ribs, her words a whisper on the wind that blew through her hair.

“...I promise.”

The feeling of her hand dropping from yours didn’t stop it. The perfect moment. Her excitement was evident as she jumped around, wondering if you could show her more constellations, and you did. But none would ever be as important, none would ever hold as much meaning as that one.

Still yet, you can always find it. It’s always there. Just like her, in your heart.

A low rumble sounds through the house as you hear Sam and Danny playing around with a guitar in the basement. Typically you would join in, but tonight you are perfectly fine right here staring up at the stars imagining what if. Just far enough away to clear your mind but still close to her. You can feel her near you.

After a few minutes you hear the door open and tilt your head to see who it is. You sit up a little when you see that it's her. You knew she would come looking for you. She always does, and you’re always waiting.

She walks over and sits down on the chair next to you, crossing her legs on the table just like yours. You both just look at each other, no words needed to be said. This was a familiar occurrence between the two of you. Many times over the last few years you have found yourself in this exact spot sharing a joint together, each time as if no time has passed at all. No talking, just being together, existing in the same space. But tonight was different. Something felt different.

Your eyes flick to hers, and you pass it to her, her nimble fingers taking it from yours. You watch as she presses the paper to her lips inhaling and closing her eyes as she tilts her head back to look at the sky, much in the same way you just were.

The smoke billows from her lips and you watch her chest rise and fall. The moon is bright, not a single cloud to dull its shine as it glows across her skin. You swallow thickly as you try to stifle the situation in your jeans inconspicuously. She passes it back to you, and you press it to your lips, knowing that the shared saliva on the tip is the closest you’ll ever get to tasting her.

“Jake?” she finally speaks up.

You turn your head to face her, involuntarily almost. Your body is betraying you. “Yeah?”

“Did you mean what you said earlier?” she asks nervously, letting her eyes look into yours.

“What?” you ask, confused, pulling your attention away from her lips and back to her eyes.

“In the kitchen, when you said…” she trails off.

You let a shy smile cross your face. “Yeah I meant it. You are beautiful. You always have been and… I’m really proud of you.” you confess reaching your hand out to run your fingers over the small stretch of skin on her arm. You see her face soften and it takes every ounce of your strength to not kiss her right then.

You aren’t sure if it’s the alcohol, the weed or both, but you got brave and now the truth is out.

“I’m proud of you too, you know.” she says, taking the joint back from your fingers. She takes a pull of it and hands it back to you. “I’m proud of all of you of course, but you… it’s different. The EP is so good. People love it and I know why… it came from here.” she says, gently placing her hand over your heart. The electrifying sensation zapping through your body just as quickly as her hand pulled away. Your hand instinctively reaches for the spot hers was just in, before you could even realize what you were doing.

The music inside is growing louder and you can hear Josh starting to sing. They will be down there for a while. If you’re going to do it, it has to be now.

“Hey, stay here, I have to get something. I’ll be right back.” You hand her the quickly dwindling joint and sprint upstairs to find the card you wrote her.

There it sits on your desk, waiting and hoping to be opened. You grab it and shove it into the back pocket of your jeans before you make your way back downstairs and back out onto the porch. Your heart is pounding in your chest as you rejoin her. You can tell that she is feeling the effects of the weed, as she is not trying to avoid eye contact anymore. Her eyes are locked in on your every movement.

You pull the blue envelope out of your pocket and nervously hand it to her. Her brow furrows and she accepts it, reading her name across the front in your messy handwriting.

“Jake…” she complains, pulling the card out of the envelope.

“Just open it…” you say nervously.

Her eyes shoot up when she opens the card and notices it. You feel like your heart stops beating for a second as she realizes what it is. You let out a silent breath as you see the corners of her lips turning upward into a smile.

Taped inside the card was a small green guitar pick. The exact same one you used that night in the garage. The one you have carried with you in your wallet every day since.

“Jake, you kept this?” she asked, rhetorically, running her finger over top of it.

“I’ve had it with me everyday. Kept it in my wallet. I know it’s stupid… I just…” you stammer, letting your words trail off.

“It’s not stupid Jake… but why are you giving it to me, you’ve kept it all this time…” she asks, confused on why you would give her something you’ve kept for so long.

Your face turns a dark crimson as you tell her the reason, “Well, I have carried that with me everyday for four years, like… a little piece of you was always with me. Now, I want you to have it. Carry a piece of me… with you. So you don’t forget me when you go away. You have always been my first pick, here’s your proof.” you say nervously.

She looks down, her eyes filled with tears, and smooths her pointer finger over the pick. She closes the card and her eyes flick up to yours. They are different, sad, but dark. She places the card on the table and stands up, walking to lean against the railing that overlooks the ravine next to your childhood home.

You stand and join her, feeling like you have messed up. Like you shouldn’t have said that.

“Hey, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to upset yo–” you are cut off as her hands cup your jaw, and finally after years of dreaming about it, you feel her lips pressed against yours…warm and sweet. Your hand snakes up and finds its place on the back of her neck, pulling her closer into you as your other hand meets the small of her back.

It’s heaven, ecstasy, pure bliss, any beautiful and mind blowing word you could conjure would never be able to explain the feeling coursing through your veins. You can feel every emotion that neither of you could ever explain, being described perfectly as your lips meld with hers. Her soft, perfect lips. Everything you’ve ever wanted.

She pulls away, far too soon. Your body is still gravitating to hers. Her hands release your face and smooth down the front of your chest, before pulling away. You can tell that neither of you wanted it to end, but you both knew it had to. At least you had this. This one perfect moment with her.

She pulls you in for a hug, but this hug is not happy. This hug is sad, and longing. This hug says ‘I will miss you’, and ‘I’m not ready to leave you’.

“The best gift. Thank you, Jake.” she whispers as she pulls away, letting you go and slipping away towards the back door.

–

HER POV

You sit on the bed in your childhood bedroom, knowing that in a few short weeks this will all be a distant memory. You will be living away from home, no family, no friends. No Sam. No Jake. The thought is dreadful, but you are excited to start new.

You were so overwhelmed by Jake’s card tonight. The pick… You can’t believe he kept it, after all this time. Why he kept it... It nearly shattered you. You couldn’t even bring yourself to read what he had written in the card in that moment, knowing you would burst into tears. You had to stand up and walk away, but he was there, ready to comfort you, thinking that he had done something wrong when in reality he did everything right. The kiss. You can’t even put it into words. Your fingertips danced across your bottom lip as you imagined it again and again, the feeling of what you’d longed for for so many years, finally come true. It was everything. You hoped he could feel how much you cared for him.

So now you find yourself here, sitting on your bed, staring at the card in front of you, willing yourself to read the words he has written, just for you. You open the card, seeing the pick taped inside, and his perfectly sloppy handwriting.

Hey college girl,

Proud of you for being a smartypants. I always knew you were smarter than me. But I do have some advice for you, since I am older and therefore wiser, ha ha.

Skip at least 1 class a month to go do something fun.

Don’t waste too much of your time perfecting your homework, C’s get degrees…

Never go anywhere alone. If you ever find yourself alone, I’m only a phone call away.

You laugh at his advice, it is so perfectly Jake. Written messily underneath the pick you see his parting line.

I’ve kept a piece of you with me, and now a piece of me will be with you. Don’t forget me.

All my love,

Jake

You close the card and put it on your night stand as you pull the blankets over your head and turn off the lamp. As you lie alone with your thoughts on what is supposed to be a happy day, you cry yourself to sleep knowing that you could never forget him. Not even if you wanted to.

All his love…

–

AUGUST 2017

“Where do you want this?” Sam asks, holding up your full length mirror.

“How about near the closet somewhere?” you answer, watching him saunter across your dorm room.

Sam graciously offered to help you and your parents move your things in. He was leaving for tour in a few days and he wanted to spend every last second together before you were both separated from each other. You spent practically all summer together, hanging out, going to the lake, watching them practice for tour. The summer went by too quickly, but you knew it would. Things were changing, Sam became more and more busy with the band, and you were busy preparing everything for your move and classes. When he offered to help you move in you accepted, knowing it would probably be the last time you saw him for a long time.

“Okay honey, that's everything. Only need to unpack these boxes of random stuff, and you will be all moved in.” your mom says, teary eyed.

“Thanks mom, I couldn’t have done all of this without you, really.” you say pulling her in for a hug.

Your dad follows behind her, giving you his signature bear hug. “You call us if you need anything. I mean it.” he says sternly.

“I will dad, I promise.” you reply and with that they leave you to your new life as a college student.

You stand in your room, staring at the door, as Sam starts to speak. “Are you okay?” he asks nervously. You feel his arm encircling your shoulders and pulling you in for a hug.

“Yeah, I’m okay, just a little bit sad. Everyone is leaving me.” you reply.

“Not really, they are only an hour and a half away.” he says, trying to calm your nerves.

“Not just them, you too.” you say.

“I’m not leaving you! We are just going away for a few months. It will go by quickly. I can come visit as soon as we get back! Or maybe you can come see a show or…” he trails off.

“Plus, you can call me or text me whenever you want. You know I always answer you.” he smiles. “Dont, be sad. You’re too pretty to be sad.”

You snap your head to look at him, he has never said something like that to you.

“What?” he asks, a little surprised.

“Well… you never say that kind of stuff to me, Sam.” you say curiously.

“Yeah I know, but I’ve been thinking…” he says. “This has just been the best summer…”

You nod your head, encouraging him to continue his thought.

“Do you remember the day we got partnered up Freshman year?” he asks.

“Yeah?” you reply.

“When I found out you were my partner I was so excited. But I tried to play it cool. I just thought you were soooo pretty.” he laughs, running a hand through his hair.

He starts to unpack one of the boxes full of random items as he continues, “The night you came over, I didn’t even know how to handle what I was feeling, you were so smart, and funny. I couldn’t understand why I never saw it before. I mean, we knew each other for years, but I had never noticed that side of you.” he says, placing books on your little book shelf.

“I was so excited you stayed to watch us jam in the garage. I wanted to impress you. A few weeks later I admitted to myself that I liked you. I even asked Jake for advice. None of it worked, obviously. ” he smiles shrugging with his shoulders.

Jake knew? Why didn’t he tell you?

“I worked up all my courage to ask you to Prom junior year, I was still nervous though. I was going to try to kiss you that night. I clearly didn't...” he laughed.

“Then when you started dating Michael, I had the answer I needed. You obviously didn’t feel the same way about me. I put my feelings aside and continued to just be your best friend. I was fine with that. I’ve been fine with that. But now, we’re leaving, and you’re starting school and it just feels like I had to tell you. You had to know, ya know, if you didn’t already.”

“Sam…” you drag his name out.

“I know, I know, so typical. Guy falls in love with his best friend…” he laughs.

“In love?” you ask shocked.

“Of course…how could I not? But… I know it’s not like that for you. Or else I feel like this would have happened long before now.” he says, closing the drawer of your nightstand.

He knows, he gets it. But he doesn’t know why.

“You are my best friend Sam...Practically my brother. I love you, you know that. But I love you like my family.” you say, ashamed, and knowing that you are crushing him.

“I figured that’s what you would say. There are no hard feelings, I promise.” he says with a smile. But you know it's a lie.

“Are you sure, I feel so stupid…” you reply.

“No, you’re not stupid. I promise. I mean you’re the one going to college here...” he laughs.

“Sam you got into HARVARD.” you laugh.

“Yeah…wasn’t for me…” you both laugh and the tension melts away.

This summer had been good to Sam. He’d grown up a lot. He’d matured, filled out a little, became more confident in himself. You had to admit, and only to yourself, that you’d caught yourself on more than one occasion letting your eyes linger on him a little longer than you’d meant to, especially after a few drinks were swirling in your system.

His glances made your heart flutter, the feeling of his hugs making you feel…something… but you had chased those feelings away more quickly than they had even come. They weren’t real. And they were nowhere near the same as the feelings Jake gave you.

Once you’d learned that he was the first of the two of you to lose his virginity, you had to admit, you felt the tiniest pang of jealousy. The quickest fleeting thought of ‘shouldn’t that have been with me’? You surprised yourself with the thought, always having the notion that maybe you and Sam would reach that point in your lives when you’d just decide to take that step together, both of you being so comfortable with the other. But it never happened, and you now were displeased with the idea of ever having thought that. Sam was your best friend…

A little while later, you are unpacking the last box and you see all of the pictures you selected for your bulletin board. You grab the thumb tacks and the stack of photos and mementos and turn to put them up.

“Oh, I can do that. I’m good at collaging.” Sam jokes.

You hand him the stack and turn back to your bottomless pit of a last box. You carry a few items to the closet, and peek over your shoulder to check on his progress.

“Looks good Sammy!” you yell behind you.

When you return to the room you see him sitting on the bed reading something. The blood drains from your face as you see exactly what it is.

“What the fuck is this?” he asks, you can feel the venom in his tone.

You walk over to him and snatch the card out of his hands and tuck it under your arm. Ignoring his question. But you know it’s too late. He read it.

“What is that? I know it's from Jake… I could recognize that handwriting anywhere!” he demands.

“Nothing, Sam! He just gave me a card at that graduation party! It wasn’t even supposed to be in that box. I don’t know why it’s in there. Must have been an accident.” you say, tossing it in the small trash can by your desk.

You can see his body relax as he watches the folded blue card hit the bottom of the can, and with it the entirety of your heart.

You never thought that the first thing you would learn in college would be that your best friend is in love with you. Only to be quickly followed by him reading his own brother's private confession, meant for your eyes only. He changes the subject quickly so you know he didn’t read into it too much, and you’re thankful. The last thing you want to do is try to explain.

Another hour or so of packing and talking and it’s time for Sam to go.

“You sure you don’t wanna stay here with me tonight? So I don’t spend my first night alone?” you teased, wondering if he would think about it too hard.

“Please don’t tempt me with a good time…” he sneered, scrunching his nose up as he laid back across your bed. The two of you laughed, as you joined him.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I’ll be fine.” you breathe, throwing your arms above your head while the weight of his words from earlier finally sink in. You bite your tongue into the side of your mouth. “I can’t believe you said you’re in love with me.” you tried to keep your tone light and airy.

He rolls over onto his side, propping his head up on his elbow to look you head-on. “You’re the only girl I’ve ever really cared about, Y/N. Really felt a connection with, ya know? I have more fun with you than I have with anyone…”

“Mmm, so you didn’t care about whatsherface at the party this past winter then, hm?” you said the words before you could even think them, wishing you could cram them right back into your mouth.

His face contorts into the most confused look you’d ever seen on him. “What? You mean… no, I–I mean I cared about her, I guess, but not like…I–” he stumbled over his words.

“I’m joking, Sam. I’m kidding.” you say as you lay your palm on his chest, feeling his heart beating a mile a minute as you bring yourself into his bubble. His face was defeated as he bit his lips in, his eyes searching across your face.

“Have…have you, ya know…” he stammered again.

You shake your head. “No. I haven’t. You’d know… I’d tell you.”

“Would you? You better…” he jokes. “Actually, no. Nevermind. Spare me the dirty details. I don’t need that visual in my head.” he rolls back over as he places his hands over his eyes.

“And you think I enjoyed the visual of you with–with someone else?!” you argue back.

“Someone else? You mean, someone that wasn’t you? Were you jealous, Y/N?!” he laughs.

“Ugh, NO! I wasn’t jealous, stupid!” you hit him across the face with a pillow.

“Then what were you?” his tone softened.

You swallow hard, unsure of how to get your way out of this one. “I was nothing, Sam. Happy for you, that’s what I was.”

He didn’t seem convinced. “Hm. Well. Just be careful here, okay? Guys only want one thing… and most aren’t as nice as me.”

A few tears and a lot of ‘I’ll miss you’s’ later, you watch as his hand me down Subaru pulls away from your dorm. With a promise of ‘I’ll call you’, you head back into your room, alone for the first time.

Rushing straight to the trash can you pick up the card, running your fingers over the letters as you let the tears fall. You hate lying to Sam. You wish you could be honest, but you know you can't. Especially now. It would break his heart.

How could you do this to him? He is your best friend. Your best friend who is in love with you… He would never understand.

Tears roll down your cheek as you pin the card to your bulletin board. The pick still sits perfectly taped inside the card. You haven’t brought yourself to take it out, afraid you will lose it. You couldn’t bear the thought. It sits right next to a picture of you and Sam, his arm draped around the back of your neck pulling your face close to his. Both of you are wearing huge, happy smiles. Your best friend. You held so much love…

A pang of guilt shoots through your chest as you imagine how Sam must have felt all these years. Hearing you complain about boys and watching you date them, when all he wanted was for it to be him. All the times you cried to him on the phone about your bad dates and break ups…He was always there. Through everything.

In a way you almost feel like you led him on, spending almost everyday with him this summer. You knew you two had grown closer, but you didn’t know how much more it meant to him. All the while you were pining after his brother. The brother who he asked for advice. About you. You, never even throwing a thought his way. Now you’re here at college, and they are leaving for tour, and still… nothing has changed. You’re not sure when you’ll see them again, but maybe the distance will be good. Maybe it will give you all the clarity you need.

You decide to take a shower to rinse away the day of sweat and exhaustion, and hope that it will help you relax into your new surroundings. It’s hard being in a new place where you don’t know anyone. It’s scary and lonely. You triple check the lock on your door and text your mom that you are in for the night, so that she doesn’t worry.

As you crawl into the unfamiliar twin bed, you read a few pages of a book your mom bought you, and find yourself growing drowsy with each flip of a page. When your phone vibrates next to you, your eyes pop open, waking you from your light sleep. You pick it up wondering who it could be, and when you see the name on the screen it nearly takes your breath away.

With shaking hands you swipe to open the message and what you are met with, sends a chill down your spine.

Jake

9:57pm: Sam called.

Taglist: @gretavansara@jordie-gvf-admin@starshine-wagner@eyelinerjake@gretavanfvckface@gretavanmoon@misshunnybeebee@fretaganvleet@gvfpal@joshkiszkas@ascendingtostardust@raviolilegs@sammysprincess@gvfpal@objectsinspvce@lallisonl@gvfpal@raviolilegs@jaketlover@ascendingtostardust @violet-hayes@indigostreakmorgan@jakemarrymeibeg@fakeplastiqtree@radmads-gvf @fwzco @katelynn-gvf @writingcold @jakesgrapejuice @jakekiszkasbabymama @emsfallingsky @gretavanbear @ejoygvf @beebloopbleep @mackalah @weneedsomehealing123 @reesetrippingthelight @lightmylove-gvf @wetkleenex-gvf@fulltimecynical@ageofbajabule@ageofsinners@indigostreakslut @katelynn-gvf @ohgodthefeeling-gvf @joshskittytickler @mp0801@starcatcherry @samsbirks @darianh07 @cassiesgreta @becinabubblegvf @hanntisocial @demonrat444 @mrbrownstne @gretabyss @bizzielisteningtogreta @samsbirks @jakes-archer @laneygvf @jaketsword @hangvf @indigostreakmorgan

@sadiextricia @thunderstomp-and-tequila @farfromthehomelands @takenbythemadness @lyndz2names @brujamagik @overtheehillsandfaraway @gretavanfan @ohgodthefeeling-gvf@slightly-russian @gracev0609 @sammiboo162 @jakekiszkasmommy @jaketkiszkalover @everyglowinthetwilightknows @literal-dead-leaf @ghostly--photography @aintthatapity @wildbluesorbit @heckingfrick @jjwasneverhere @jaketlove @gingerbread-in-july @josh-iamyour-mama @brinlygvf@silverwitch23 @allmylovejk @joshrry @jarmonicasweat @writingcold @jaketlove @earthgrlsreasy @vanfleeter @justdamnpeachy

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neverwanttofallasleep · 4 months

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Doing this again because I lost the original:

If you are a GVF blog and want to connect with me/other GVF blogs, reply or reblog ◡̈

I need more Greta in the feed 💅🏻

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neverwanttofallasleep · 5 months

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omg 🥹🥹

Kay’s Fic Recs !!!

all of these fics are 18+ and contain smut! read at your own discretion ;)

Josh:

Confession by @thewritingbeforesunrise

The Art of Life by @gvfgal

Brightest Blue by @garbagevanfleet

I See Hell in Your Eyes by @joshsindigostreak

Uncharted Territory by @ficthots

Little Fantasy by @jake-kiszkas-smirk

No Hands by @joshym

Valtava by @gretavanlace

Jake:

Covet by @jakeyt

Imperfect Moments by @abeautylives

Le Morte d’Arthur by @joshym

Cream & Sugar by @sacredthefran

Sémillante by @profitofthedune

Last Call by @milkgemini

The Red Medallion by @earthlysorrows

Capital Vices by @builtbybrokenbells

Pedagogue by @profitofthedune

Dear Patience by @ageofbajabule

Tending by @zm-gvf

Mirror of the Damned by @alwaysonthemend

The Professor by @jakekiszkasmommy

Crimson Lace by @meetingthestarcatchers

Sammy:

Pink Lemonade by @garbagevanfleet

It’s Called Being Nice by @gretavanfleetposts

Locked Out by @sparrowofthedawnsworld

A Need That Goes Unspoken by @neverwanttofallasleep

How I’m Imagining You by @geminisecrets

Seven by @garbagevanfleet

Danny:

Stretch You Out by @gvfgal

Black Swan by @holybananafuck

Struck by @gretavangroupie

Little Bird by @gretavanlace

Red by @vanfleeter

Stroke Me by @hyperfixated-gvf

Twins:

Poppins by @gretavanlace

Kismet by @gretavangroupie & @sacredstarcatcher

What Is And What Should Never Be by @sinsofstardust

Down The Hall by @milkgemini

Skin Deep by @streamingcolors-gvf

Forbidden Twins

Vigilance by @gretavangroupie & @gretavanmoon

A Beautiful Riff by @sparrowofthedawnsworld

Janny:

Valor by @gretavangroupie & @gretavanmoon

Greta Van Fleet

Fire in the Water by @gretavanfleetposts

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neverwanttofallasleep · 5 months

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To bask in his light truly is a glory

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neverwanttofallasleep · 5 months

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it’s time to put him down.

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neverwanttofallasleep · 5 months

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Nothing, I learned, brings you into the present quite like holding hands. The past seemed irrelevant; the future, unnecessary.

Catherine Lowell,

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neverwanttofallasleep · 5 months

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oh no

I’m having ✨thoughts✨

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neverwanttofallasleep · 6 months

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this is so good 🥹

Author's Note: Hello my loves! This is my most favorite thing that I've ever written so I really hope you all enjoy. Please ignore any typos lol 💞

Content Warnings: Cussing, arguing, mentions of unrequited love, heartbreak, mentions of drinking, frat parties, angry sex, rough sex, unprotected sex, choking, praise kink, squirting, oral (m and f receiving) bruises from sex. I think that's all but please let me know if I missed anything! 18+ ONLY. MINORS DNI

Word Count: 7946 (oops)

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Frat parties can be hit or miss you’ve come to discover. The music tends to be just okay (though they often play the better music towards the end) and they’re always hot and cramped and leave you feeling completely wiped out and gross by the end. For a long time, you avoided them all together – choosing instead to spend your Friday nights indoors reading or listening to music. But then you’d met Josh (and by extension the rest of the Kiszka-Wagner friend group) and they’d shown you that with the right people, parties could be a hell of a good time. Having a group to go with – ones who’ll dance with you and laugh and have fun with you, makes parties a nice break to the monotony every now and again.

This one will no doubt be like all the others – packed and hot and the music blaring so loudly that you can feel it reverberate through your chest. The lights will be flashing between blues, greens, and reds and the room will smell strongly of alcohol. But you'll be surrounded by your little group of friends who will be laughing and dancing with you, distracting you from anything other than having fun.

You’d met Josh during your first semester at University of Michigan and the two of you had quickly become good friends. You’d been partnered up in your film class and the rest, as they say, was history. He’d been the one to drag you out tonight – despite your protests of being tired.

“Please?” He’d asked, giving you his very best puppy dog eyes. “It’s not fun if I have to go by myself.”

“Josh,” You’d sighed, tucking your book into your backpack as you spoke, “I’m tired. Get Jake to go with you or something.”

“He is going with me! But he hates frats and all he does is stand there and sulk the whole time.”

You’d halted for a brief moment, your brain conjuring up images of Jake at a frat party that had butterflies erupting in your tummy before you’d quickly shaken your head, but Josh had caught you anyway.

A smug smile had spread across his face, making him look like the damn Cheshire Cat.

“Is seeing Jake not reason enough to show up? You know you wanna see him…”

You rolled your eyes, huffing a breath and trying to ignore the heat spreading across your cheeks. Evidently, he’d yet to catch on to the tension that had taken up residence between you and his twin in the last few months – a far cry from what you two used to be.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Joshua Michael. No idea at all.”

“Sure you don’t, babe.” He’d said with a grin, knowing that he’d successfully convinced you.

Your relationship with Jake is odd to say the least. You’d met him pretty quickly after meeting Josh – given the fact that they’re practically attached at the hip, and you’d hit it off with him just as you had with his twin. In fact, there was a time when you’d thought that maybe there was something more there with him… subtle glances and private smiles that took place between the two of you had sure made you think so.

Though you and Jake had never hung out one on one (Josh was always there with you), the two of you would usually manage to find an excuse to sneak off together and you’d quickly found that the two of you have a lot in common – a love for music and Tolkein most notably. You and him could spend hours talking about the nuances of the Silmarillion and about whether or not Hozier should be considered a pop artist.

Your favorite times though were when you all would be hanging out at Josh’s house for movie nights – you, Jake, Sam, Danny, and Josh, and you and Jake would sneak off alone to do whatever you pleased. Most of the time, you and him would end up on the roof to stargaze. Sometimes you talked – you’d talk for so long that both of your voices would grow hoarse from use. Other times, the two of you would just sit in silence, enjoying the other’s company. In those moments, it was like you and Jake were the only two people in the universe, completely content to let everything and everyone else melt away.

Your friendship with Josh had been easy but the one you had with Jake had been effortless. Jake made you feel seen – like you could truly be yourself without him judging you for it. Though he could come across as broody and sullen at times, there’s a light inside Jake that only few people are lucky enough to see… and he had trusted you enough to be one of those people. At least, until about four weeks ago when suddenly it seemed like he didn’t want to even be near you anymore.

Where used to the two of you would hang off to the sides at parties and gatherings (often standing a lot closer than you needed to be), now it was like he made sure to be wherever you weren’t. And God, did it hurt your feelings. You’d allowed yourself to become vulnerable with him – let him see parts of yourself that you’d hardly shared with anyone, not even Josh. And he’d tossed you to the side seemingly overnight… like all those deep conversations you’d had with him meant nothing at all. You desperately wanted to understand what had changed but refused to be the person to reach out. He was the one that stopped texting back. He was the one that started acting like you were merely acquaintances. He was the one who made you think that you were both in love one minute only to completely ignore you the next. He owed it to you to be the one to talk first.

So silence had fallen completely between the two of you and evidently, Josh wasn’t aware of it yet. But still, you were determined to not let Jake ruin a good time for you. You hadn’t been out with Josh in ages and you were confident that it would be easy enough to ignore Jake’s existence, especially given that he seemed intent to ignore yours too.

–

As expected, you're immediately assaulted with humidity and the smell of alcohol as you step through the doors. Josh stands at your side as you both scan the crowd for familiar faces. Sure enough, tucked into a far corner is Sam and Danny – both of them already seeming to be a little tipsy. Josh grips your hand and the two of you waded through the sea of bodies, doing your best to avoid stray elbows and drunken party-goers.

“You actually came!” Danny shouts at you over the din, a rosy hugh on his cheeks from the alcohol he’s no doubt already indulged in. He and Sam called it “pre-gaming.”

“Josh convinced me!” You shout back, nudging his shoulder playfully.

“It’s my irresistible charm!” Josh answers, grabbing your hands in his and playfully beginning to sway you both back and forth.

“Charm my ass.” Sam mutters, just barely audible over the music. Josh just shoots him a glare before returning his attention back to you.

“Where’s Jake?” You ask, allowing Josh to lead you both a little bit more towards the center of the packed room. It's slow going – everyone else is hardly paying attention to anyone trying to get through, but you manage to get halfway there before you both become trapped from moving any further.

“Sulking over there. Just like I said he would be.” Josh jerka his head in the direction to his left and you follow the movement, finding Jake leaning up against a wall with a red solo cup in his hand.

Your eyes meet his and he immediately drops your gaze, the corners of his mouth dropping into a frown. You want desperately to march over there and demand he tell you what had changed but you refuse to back down first. This wasn’t the place for that anyway.

“Aren’t you gonna go sulk with him?” Josh asks, smiling down at you. The blue strobe lights make his teeth almost glow and it reflects off his sharp cheekbones.

You shake your head.

“I feel like dancing tonight.”

He only grins before pulling you in closer to him, letting go of your hands to place his palms on your hips. You bring your own hands up and lace your fingers together behind his neck and allow him to guide your hips to the beat of the music. You close your eyes and lean into him, allowing the music to drown out everything else. If you keep your eyes closed, you can almost imagine that it's his twin out here dancing with you instead.

Josh is attractive – that had been obvious from the moment that you first saw him. And maybe in another lifetime you and him might have been more than friends. But you and Josh both knew that in this one, best friends were all you would ever be. You’d kissed once at a party… You’d both been drunk and high off your asses and afterwards you had both agreed that there wasn’t anything there. But in this moment, you almost wish that you’d fallen for him instead of Jake. Falling for Jake had clearly been foolish given how he dropped you so quickly. Making you feel like he wanted you one moment only to then act like he hated you the next. You know Jake was angry though – especially if the glare that he's giving you and Josh from his place against the wall is anything to go by.

As you and Josh sway and rock to the pounding music, Jake’s dark gaze stays locked on yours. There's anger in his eyes that makes you want to pull away from Josh but you refuse. Instead, you only pin him with one challenging glare of your own before turning your attention back to Josh.

“What’s got him so pissy?” Josh asks you, leaning his head down to press his lips against your ear so that you can actually hear him.

“Hell if I know.”

Josh hums and you can feel the sound reverberate through his chest thanks to the close proximity.

“If I didn’t know any better…” he starts with a sly look on his face, “I’d say he looked jealous.”

“He’s just a dick.” You say, venom lacing your words – the hurt that you’d been keeping to yourself these past few weeks finally beginning to spill over. Josh looks taken aback for a moment before smoothing over his expression.

“Sorry.” he says, though you can tell that he doesn't really know what he was saying sorry for. “He doesn’t know what he’s missing.” He knows that your relationship with Jake is… different. And it pains him to see you both angry at each other but he has no idea how to fix it. Instead, he seems intent on making it worse.

“Wanna give him a show then? Show him what he could have had?” Josh whispers, a wicked smile on his face.

You smile back at him and nod. He uses his grip on your waist to pull you into him even more so that your hips are flush against each other. The lights have morphed from greens and blues to a deep red and the base is pounding in your chest. You move your hips from side to side, pressing your face into Josh’s neck as he moves with you to the beat. It isn't even dancing anymore – just mindless grinding against each other. You deliberately keep your gaze pointed away from Jake but you know he's still watching. You can feel his piercing gaze even from across the room.

Just as you begin to lose yourself fully to the moment, a strong hand wraps around your bicep and yanks you harshly from Josh’s grip.

“The fuck?” You spit, spinning around to be met with none other than Jake, his chest heaving and his brows pinched together in anger.

“Jake, what the fuck is your problem?” Josh yells, regarding his twin with a frown.

The two seemed to be sizing each other up, though you knew that Josh is just enjoying getting a rise out of his brother and feeling protective over you. But Jake… you can practically see the rage oozing from him. The red lighting makes his smooth skin almost glow and his dark hair falls on either side of his face, framing his sharp features. If you weren’t so pissed at him you might be tempted to kiss him.

“This doesn’t involve you.” Jake finally says, a dangerous edge to his voice.

“The hell it doesn’t!” Josh snaps back, eyes blazing in defiance.

“Josh…” you hedge, placing a calming hand on his forearm. His eyes sweep to yours, immediately softening. “I’ve got it. Thank you.”

Josh stares at you for a moment, debating whether to step away or not. You hold his gaze, silently trying to let him know that you could handle this on your own. Finally, he dips his head and steps back.

“I’ll be with Sam and Danny if you need me.” He tells you, before retreating back to the corner.

You watch him go before spinning on your heel to glare back at Jake.

“What the fuck is wrong with you!?” You rip your arm from Jake’s grip as you speak.

“What’s wrong with you?” He shouts back angrily. “Grinding on my twin brother like that!”

This time, you're the one to reach out and harshly grip his arm. You tug him backwards, leading him towards a side door that you know leads to a bathroom downstairs. You don’t turn back to look at him as you lead the two of you down, instead focusing on trying to steady your breathing and bring down your blood pressure. You're so angry you could scream.

As soon as the bathroom door is shut and locked behind the two of you, Jake has you pressed back against the wall, nostrils flared and eyes blown wide as he regards you.

“What in the world is wrong with you, Jake? You’re acting like an asshole.” You seeth, hating the tremble in your voice. Despite your anger, his closeness is still affecting you.

Jake doesn’t answer. He just stares down at you, chewing on his plump bottom lip.

“No. I’m not doing this with you.” You shove him away from you, the sudden movement causing him to stumble back slightly. “You don’t get to ignore my existence and then get pissed just because I danced with Josh.”

“If you wanted to fuck him so badly you could at least have the decency to do it in private. Instead of throwing yourself at him like a whore in the middle of a dance floor.”

You balk, taken aback by his harshness. Never in all the time you’d known him has he ever spoken to you like that – to anyone for that matter.

“Fuck you.” You spit, clenching your fists at your sides to stop yourself from punching his stupid, perfect face. “You have no fucking right to be pissed at me, dickhead. I’m the one who should be pissed at you!”

“The fuck did I do?”

You roll your eyes.

“If you don’t know what you did then I’m not going to tell you.” You turn your back to him, intent on going back upstairs. “Figure it out yourself.”

“Go right ahead, then. Go fuck my twin like I know you want to!” He snaps and the sheer aggression in his tone makes your whole body freeze. Icy hot anger washes over you and you feel like you could explode from anger.

“What” You seeth, turning back around to face him, “did you just say to me?”

He meets your gaze, defiance coating his expression.

“You heard me.”

“Is that what you want me to do? You want me to fuck Josh?”

“I don’t care what you do. Just don’t do it where I have to fucking watch.”

His eye twitches, betraying him. You take a step closer and he steps back away from you, caging himself in against the wall. Acting on sheer impulse, you press in close to him – so close that your lips are almost touching. His chest heaves with each breath he takes and a sheen of sweat makes his skin glisten in the low light of the bathroom.

“I think you care.” You say, voice so low it's almost a whisper.

“I don’t.” He growls, eyes narrowing dangerously.

“I call bullshit.” This time, you let your lips just barely ghost over his as you speak. “You’re just pissed that he’s not too much of a pussy to make a move like you are.”

In a flash your back is slammed against the bathroom wall, knocking the air from your lungs. You gasp but the sound is swallowed by Jake crashing his lips into yours. You can’t help but to kiss back and he groans into your mouth. You hook your fingers into the belt loops of his black jeans, pulling him in closer to you. The kiss is rough – teeth clacking together as you practically devour each other.

Your chest begins to burn and finally you pull back for air. Jake looks completely ravished, cheeks flushed and lips slick with spit.

“Fuck me.” You demand into the silence, your voice coming out embarrassingly high pitched.

“Sure you don’t want Josh to do it instead?” His voice cracks on the last word, ruining his facade but you aren’t ready to give up the fight yet.

“Okay.” You tell him, shrugging your shoulders as you make to step away from him.

Before you can even begin to detangle yourself from him, he’s spun you around and slammed your face into the cold tile wall.

“Don’t you fucking dare.” He mutters, smothering your body with his own. You can feel his hard cock pressing into your ass and you can’t help the whimper that falls from your lips. “Tell me to stop and I will.” He whispers, a tad softer than before.

You open your mouth to snark back, to tell him that he’s an asshole or a dick or something, but all that comes out is a breathless, needy moan.

“Words, Y/n.” He insists, digging his fingers into the meat of your hips.

“Do it, Jake. Fuck me.” You demand, pressing your ass back into his hard length and drawing a breathy little groan from him. “Please.”

The “please” is all it takes. Jake hooks his fingers into your waistband and roughly yanks your jeans and panties down. You hear him unzip his pants and the clink of his belt buckle as he pulls his own jeans down just enough for his length to spring free. He swipes a calloused fingertip through your folds, brushing against your swollen clit and causing you to gasp.

“Fuck.” The word falls from your lips like a prayer, though to whom you have no idea. God surely wants no part in what Jake is about to do to you.

“You’re dripping, angel.” Jake murmurs, swiping through your pussy lips again to gather as much of your wetness as he can. You can’t see him but you can hear the wet sounds of his hand pumping his cock, your slick making it easy. “Fuck, you look incredible like this.”

You whine, shoving your hips backward to let him know that you’re more than ready for him. Jake takes the hint, spearing you with his cock and burying himself inside you all the way to the hilt. The stretch is painful and wonderful all at the same time and you both cry out at the feeling of your walls clenching around him. You want desperately to hear that noise from him again so you bear down on him as much as you can, contracting your muscles to squeeze him.

“Shit.” He grits out through clenched teeth, wrapping one arm around your lower belly to keep you in place. “You keep doing that and this isn’t gonna last very long.”

“Move, Jakey.” The nickname escapes you unbidden but he doesn’t seem to mind, instead finally starting to rut his hips against you, his cock dragging along your walls deliciously.

You bring both hands up to brace your palms against the wall and let your head fall back onto Jake’s shoulder. Immediately, his lips attach to the sensitive skin as his thrusts pick up in speed. It’s brutal – no finesse as he pounds into you so hard that you see stars. You know that you’re being too loud but you can’t seem to stop yourself. Curses and please and his name spew from your lips with reckless abandon but he’s too far gone himself to silence you. He detaches his lips from your throat and tosses his own head back, little grunts and moans escaping him with each thrust of his hips into yours. He draws you in closer to him with his forearm and his free hand reaches up to wrap around your throat. He squeezes just enough to restrict a little bit of the blood flow, causing your head to swim with pleasure.

“Who gets to see you like this?” He demands as he drops his forehead to rest against your shoulder, his thrusts somehow picking up even more speed. Your knees slam into the wall each time he pistons in and out of you and you know that you’ll have bruises there tomorrow – battle scars to remind you of this glorious moment.

“You, Jake. Only you.” You manage to say through a wheeze, his fingers still wrapped around your throat.

“That’s fucking right.” He confirms, pace beginning to falter. “Touch your clit, angel. Touch her for me.”

You comply, sliding one hand down to circle feverishly against your swollen bundle of nerves. Your body is trembling, Jake’s grip on you the only reason that you’re still upright. The coil in your belly tightens dangerously, a feeling like none other beginning to claw its way up your body – completely engulfing you in the feeling of Jake, Jake, Jake.

“M’ gonna cum.” You warn him, speech coming out slurred and barely comprehensible.

“Fuck, me too. Give it to me. Now!” He demands and the band inside you snaps.

You cry out loudly, your whole body trembling as the pleasure inside you hits its peak. Jake lets go of your throat and the rush of blood to your head coupled with the way he keeps pounding into you sends you tailspinning into another orgasm. Your pussy feels like it's on fire – the pleasure and overstimulation of two orgasms so close together sending you into a state of fucked out bliss. It seems to go on forever, your whole body going slack against him.

Finally, Jake pulls from you and immediately ropes of his own release paint your ass and lower back. The moan that escapes him sounds angelic and you wish that you could have recorded it somehow.

You both just stand there for a long moment, the silence only broken by yours and his panting as you both recover from the mind-blowing orgasms that you just experienced.

“Y/n.” His voice cuts through to you, sounding breathy and tired but so much softer than it had before.

Just as you open your mouth to reply, a frenzied rattle of the door handle causes you both to jump.

“Open the fucking door!” A drunken voice that you don’t recognize calls out. “I’ve gotta take a piss!”

Jake lets go of you and you both quickly yank your jeans back up, doing your best to straighten your clothes and hair. Without saying a word, Jake strides over to the door and unlocks it, pushing a frazzled and drunk looking young guy out of the way and exiting the bathroom.

“Watch it, buddy.” The guy pouts, rubbing his shoulder where Jake had run into him.

“Move.” You demand, pushing him out of the way again to catch up to Jake as he angrily stomps up the stairs. “Jake!” You call, leaving the poor guy to stare after the two of you confusedly.

“Jake, wait!’ You yell, ascending the stairs and stepping back out into the cramped dance floor. You’re disoriented, the loud music and flashing lights suddenly causing you to feel dizzy. You just barely see Jake disappear out the front door before you push and shove your way through the throng of people to follow him.

Stepping out into the cool night air, you see Jake fumbling in his pocket for his car keys.

“You can’t just leave, Jake!” You call, tears beginning to brim in your eyes.

He must hear the tremble in your voice because he finally stops, turning back to look at you. He looks distraught.

“We shouldn’t have done that.” He tells you, eyes dropping to stare at your shoes. “I’m sorry. It was a mistake.”

“W-what?” It feels like you’re spinning – like someone put your brain in the dryer. You can feel the blood drain from your face. “Why would you-” You stop yourself, unsure of how to even continue.

“I’m sorry.” He says again, before rounding the corner out of sight, leaving you to stand there alone on the sidewalk.

–

Two weeks pass. You and him don’t speak. Hell, you barely even speak to Josh – his presence serving as too much of a reminder of what had happened. It felt like a fever dream… almost like it wasn’t even real. It’s like your own worst nightmare has come true. And not only that, you’re being forced to deal with it completely alone.

You’d let passion and desperation dictate you towards the decisions that you’d made that night. Had you wanted it in the moment? Yes, you had. But now that it was all over and Jake clearly regretted it, you’re sure that the friendship you’d had with him is shattered beyond repair. Before, there’d been hope of fixing things – of talking things out and going back to how you once were. But now… There’s no reason to hope. You fucked the guy who used to be your closest friend in a frat house bathroom and there’s just no going back from that.

Josh has been calling and texting you incessantly, begging you to tell him what happened that night. But you refuse. And after he wouldn’t give up asking after the second day, you’d resorted to just ignoring him completely. The fact that Jake hadn’t told him anything – despite having always told him everything, speaks a thousand words about how Jake feels about it.

–

A knock echoes through your apartment, just barely audible over the Hozier album you have playing in the background. Thunder rumbles softly in the distance and sheets of rain pelt your windows. It’s a perfect night for a book and some wine – a way to detach yourself from the drama of the past few weeks.

You sigh audibly, closing your book and placing it on the coffee table next to your wine glass. You figured it wouldn’t take long of ignoring Josh’s messages for him to come and find you. You rise from your seat and make your way to the front door, shoulders taut with the anxiety of having to tell Josh what happened. There’s no way he’s leaving you alone without the full story.

You open the door, expecting to see a mop of curly hair waiting for you but instead you’re met with the soulful brown eyes of his twin.

“Jake?” You ask incredulously, instinctively taking a step back from him. “You look…” You trail off. He looks awful. Dark bruises mar the smooth skin beneath his eyes and his long hair lies limp across his shoulders. He’s soaking wet from the rain.

“Can I come in?” He asks and you nod at him, stepping aside from the doorway to make space for him to step inside.

He stands completely still after closing the door behind him – awkwardly shoving his hands into his pockets.

“Let me get you a towel.”

You don’t give him time to reply, instead hastily retreating to your bathroom to grab him a clean towel to dry off. Perhaps it’s cowardly to run but you truly hadn’t been expecting to ever see him at your door again.

When you return he’s still in the same place, dark eyes watching you warily as you hand the towel to him.

“Thank you.” He says quietly, drying himself off the best he can.

You just incline your head at him before retreating back to your living room, jerking your head in the direction letting him know that you want him to follow you.

Your record had gone silent so you go over to your record player and flip it over before pressing play again.

“Why are you here, Jake?” You ask him, turning back to face him with your arms crossed tightly across your chest.

“To say that I’m sorry.” He gingerly places the towel down on the coffee table, his whole body looking tense and uncomfortable. You’ve only ever seen him look like that around strangers. Somehow, you suppose that that’s what the two of you have become to one another.

“Sorry for what?” You bite out, your hurt spilling over into your words like poison. “For leading me on for months on end or for fucking me in a bathroom and then calling it a mistake?” You don’t want to fight with him. Not anymore. But you can’t seem to stop the harsh words as they spew from your mouth – lashing out like an injured animal that’s been shoved into a corner. You suppose he has done that in a way, showing up at your own home unannounced in the middle of the night like this.

Jake flinches back slightly at your words, shrinking in on himself like he’s been struck.

“For… all of it, I guess.” He shrugs, eyes staying locked onto the floor at your feet. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” That makes you angry. So angry you could cry. He came all this way – did all those things to you… and yet he doesn’t know. “I think you and I both know that you owe me more than that.”

He nods once, eyes finally sweeping to meet yours. His gaze almost makes you soften. Almost.

“I assumed a lot of things, Y/n. And made an ass of myself because of it. But I don’t know how to fix it.”

You collapse onto your sofa, suddenly feeling like you’ve run a marathon. Jake eyes the spot next to you but makes no move to join you.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to that.” You tell him honestly.

“I- I thought you and Josh were together.” He admits quietly, shoulders sinking in defeat.

Somehow, you don’t doubt his words – nor do they shock you. You’ve known the twins long enough to see little hints here and there of the insecurity that lies buried within Jake. The way he’s quieter in large groups, like he feels like his words aren’t welcome. The way he shrinks back sometimes, afraid to voice his thoughts for fear of being judged or mocked. You've seen the way that he always looks to Josh in moments of doubt, like he can’t fathom ever going against what his twin might want of him.

Josh had even hinted about it once, a long long time ago. He’d told you that he worries about Jake sometimes when he thinks about when they’re older and he won’t be around to look after him. You hadn’t quite understood the meaning behind his words or the depth of their bond back then. But now you do. They’re connected in a way that you can never understand. Their very souls are intertwined – wrapped around each other lovingly just as they had been since the womb. It’s a beautiful thing that you even find yourself envious of from time to time. Bonds like theirs… It's something that doesn’t happen often.

But that bond seems to come with a caveat for Jake – burdened with thinking of himself as the lesser twin. He’d always been the quiet one, happy to let Josh be in the spotlight and content to bask in the residual warmness of him. You doubt either of them are really even aware of the way Josh always seems to be the leader. It’s natural to them – something that Jake has never seemed to have a problem with before. Until you came along.

“We aren’t. Nor do we plan on it. He’s my best friend, that’s all.” You tell him honestly.

“I know that now. Josh told me I was an idiot.”

You huff softly. He smiles tentatively in return.

“He also told me to stop feeling sorry for myself and to listen to what you’ve been telling me this whole time.”

You cock your head to the side, imagining the way Josh probably said the words. You can picture it – the little glimmer that undoubtedly took up residence in his eyes. He loves to play the wise sage.

“And did you?”

He nods his head.

“I think so. That’s why I came tonight. To apologize. And to beg you to let me try again.”

You sigh heavily, closing your eyes for a moment to listen to the rain tap against the glass.

“Please.”

You open your eyes to see that he’s come closer, those brown eyes of his boring into yours in a way that makes your knees weak. You’re fairly certain that those eyes will be the death of you some day.

“You really hurt me, Jake. All those times that we spent time together… the things that I told you – things I’ve never told anyone before. And then you just-” You throw your hands up in defeat, words failing you.

“I know what I did. And I am so so sorry, angel. I’m sorry for making you think that I could ever not want everything with you.” He sinks to his knees on the floor in front of the sofa, pleading eyes turned up to you.

“Then tell me.” You demand.

“I can’t.”

“Jake…” You sigh, feeling your walls beginning to stand themselves up again. You’re so tired of waiting on him.

“Wait!” He calls out sharply, the loudness of the word shocking the both of you. “Just…” He starts again, voice quiet again. “I need you to ask me first.”

You want to deny him. To tell him to man up and just say it. But the way he’s looking at you, the way his shoulders have drooped in utter defeat… You can’t find it within your heart to deny him.

“Are you in love with me?” The question escapes your lips soft and quiet – like a secret passed between friends.

“Yes.” His answer is a prayer and you his savior – this room his confessional and you his altar.

The air punches its way out of your lungs as his words register in your brain. Those words that you’d so desperately been wanting to hear.

“I love you too.” The way your own confession slips past your lips without any thought makes his eyes light up – as if he couldn’t believe it until he heard the words from your own mouth.

“Let me love you right.” He pleads, bringing his palms up to slide over your cloth-covered thighs. “Let me do this the way I should have the first time.”

“Okay.” You whisper, reaching out for him like a small child. You want to feel him – all of him, for the first time.

“Not here.” He says, rising from his knees and lacing his fingers with yours. “Your bedroom. Let me do it right, angel. Please.”

Once again, you’re powerless to deny him so you rise to your feet and lead him into your bedroom. He presses your shoulders lightly, signaling for you to lay down. You relent, falling softly into the mattress. He climbs in after you, eyes glowing in the dim lamplight. The light spills from over the lampshade in the corner, bathing you both in warmth. It makes his hair reflect almost auburn as he hovers above you. The room is silent save for the distant rumble of thunder and the soft sound of your record player wafting in from the other room. Your heart pounds so loudly you’re sure he can hear it.

Keeping his eyes trained on yours, Jake hooks his fingers in the waistband of your sweatpants, pausing momentarily as he waits for you to give him permission. You nod and he slides the fabric down your legs so that you can kick them off. His eyes sweep down your bare legs, lingering on your cotton panties and the ever-growing dark spot over your clothed pussy. His eyes stop at your knees, eyeing the bruises there.

“Did I do this?” He asks forlornly, delicately tracing his thumb over the marks.

You nod.

“I wanted it, though. It’s okay.”

He just shakes his head, pressing a featherlight kiss to each knee before sweeping his chocolate eyes back to yours.

“It’s not.”

There’s finality in his words. You don’t argue. Instead, you reach out for him, pulling him up towards you so that his weight settles on top of you, his knees pressed into the mattress between your legs. You unbutton his shirt slowly, reveling in each bit of tan skin it reveals. His necklace sways as he reaches back to toss his shirt to the floor. Your own shirt is next, leaving you in nothing but your panties and revealing your breasts to him and the cold air of the room. You’d opted to go braless since you got home and Jake seems more than appreciative. He stares at the hardened buds, licking his lips.

“You’re so beautiful.” He whispers, palming your left breast in his calloused hand. It feels so good to have his touch on you and a whine spills out of you at the simple action.

“So are you.” You tell him, reaching out once more to unbutton his pants. He slides the denim off himself, revealing his cock straining through the fabric of his boxers. You extend your hand to palm him through the material but he stops you. You flick your eyes up to him in question.

“Not yet. I want to worship you first. The way you deserve.”

He pulls your panties down your legs and a groan slips out of him at the sight of your glistening center. He’s looking at you like you’re the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. You guess you are.

Without warning, he dips his tongue through your folds, drawing a whiny cry from you. He dives into your aching pussy with what you can only describe as reverence, alternating between dipping the tip of his tongue into your slit and circling your swollen clit. The pace is maddening as he goes from fast to soft again, making you writhe on the bed with each pass of his talented tongue.

“Oh, Jake.” You whine, threading your fingers through his hair and tugging. “That feels so good.”

He moans at your praise and the vibration makes your legs quake and your thighs to clamp down around his head.

“Please, Jake. More.” He answers your wanton cries immediately, pulling his face away from your dripping cunt and pressing a long, talented finger into you. He curls it upwards, brushing against that special spot inside of you.

You arch your back, mouth dropping open in pleasure as he keeps his finger pumping in and out of you as he descenes back down onto your pussy, wrapping his lips around your clit and suckling.

“Please. Oh fuck!” You cry, thrashing your head from side to side as the pleasure inside you begins to build. “Please!”

“Shhh.” He shushes, rising from your heat momentarily. “You don’t have to beg, angel. I’ll get you there.”

He dives back in and the sound that comes out of you barely sounds human. The band in your belly tightens and tightens as your orgasm draws nearer and nearer. You’re chanting his name between each moan and your whole body begins to quiver.

“You’re so good, Jake. So good. Oh fuck!”

At your words, Jake moans loudly into your pussy and curls his finger just right – sending you crashing into your orgasm. You writhe and pant, eyes screwing shut in pleasured agony.

As your mind comes back to the present, you open your eyes to see Jake breathing heavily with a flush overtaking his bare chest.

“Can I taste you?” You beg, pressing your thighs together to try and relieve the ache that has already returned despite your climax just moments before.

“You don’t have to, baby.” He says with a lopsided smile, tracing delicate circles against the inside of your calf.

“I want to. I want to make you feel good.”

“You already did.” He says with a bashful smile and you notice now the wet patch darkening his boxers.

“Oh.” You breathe out, another wave of wetness escaping you and making your thighs slick.

“Couldn’t help it. You look so pretty like that, moaning my name and telling me how good you feel. You don’t- I wasn’t even expecting to cum tonight. I want this to be about you.” There’s only truth in his eyes.

“Come here.” You tell him.

He crawls up towards the head of the bed, settling in next to you as you toss one leg over his thighs to straddle him.

“Do you trust me?” You whisper, leaning in close to him.

“Of course.” He ghosts his lips over yours, drawing you downwards to press a sweet kiss to your lips. It’s nothing like the kiss you shared before, desperate and anger-fueled. This one is soft – almost innocent if it weren’t for the lust coursing through the two of you.

Once you pull away, licking your lips at the taste of him, you slide your body downwards and settle yourself between his legs. You mouth over his cock through the fabric of his boxers, his length already beginning to harden again. He whines softly, hands clenching in the sheets at his sides.

You use your teeth to pull his boxers down, eyes not leaving his own until his cock reveals itself to you. Everything about Jake is pretty and his cock is no exception. It’s perfect. His head is flushed red and weeping where it rests against his naval and you can’t help but to reach out and wrap your fingers around him. He hisses at the feeling. You stroke him, smearing his precum around to slick the way as you begin to pump him slowly.

Jake tosses his head back, plush lips falling open and melodic moans spilling from between them. His chest is flushed and sweat beads at his hairline, making his beautiful skin glow in the lamplight. You can’t help but to lean down and press a sweet kiss to his tip, then another down the side of him. Jake huffs a laugh.

“What?” You ask him with a smile, continuing to stroke him lazily.

“N-nothing.” He manages to get out, eyes fluttering almost shut. “You’re sweet.”

“So are you.” You tell him before sinking your mouth down around him.

He lets out a choked groan as his tip hits the back of your throat and his hips buck up off the bed.

“Oh fuck!” He cries out as you hollow your cheeks and slide your mouth up his shaft, pressing your tongue into the spot just below the head.

You bob up and down for a moment before he’s pulling himself from you and grabbing you to pull you up towards him. He crashes his lips against yours again, sliding his tongue into your mouth. You moan but he swallows the sound, delicately bringing his hands up to cup your face as he kisses you.

“I need you inside me. Like, yesterday.” You tell him, earning yourself a sweet laugh.

“Whatever you want, baby.”

He flips you over so that your back is pressed back into the mattress and you watch in rapt attention as he grips his hard cock, sliding his tip through your folds to gather your wetness. Finally, he sinks into you slowly, savoring every inch as he goes.

You moan loudly as he finally bottoms out, halting his movements as you both revel in the feeling of being close again.

“You feel so good, Y/n. I should have told you the first time how wonderful you are… how beautiful.”

You wrap your legs around his hips, pulling him in closer to you and you both moan as his cock slips deeper into you.

“It’s okay.” You tell him as he begins to rock into you – long, deliberate strokes that set your whole body aflame. “Fuck Jake, you feel so fucking good.”

His hair tickles your face as he fucks into you but you can’t be bothered to move it. You’re consumed by the feeling of him – of his cock hitting you so perfectly, by the noises that fall out of him after each thrust, by the way his face twists in pleasure as your walls clench around him. It’s all too much and not enough and you reach out blindly to grip his shoulders, pulling his torso down so that you can capture his lips again.

His lips are so soft as they move against yours and you can tell that he’s close already by the way his thrusts are growing sloppy and by the tremble of his shoulders. He’s holding back – waiting for your pleasure before he allows himself his.

“You feel so good, Jake. So, so good.”

“Yeah.” He whispers, bringing his hand up to swirl his tongue around the pad of his thumb before pressing it into your clit, rubbing circles in time with his thrusts. “Tell me you’re mine, angel. Please.”

Your back arches against your will as white hot bliss spreads through you, overtaking your body from the tips of your toes to the top of your head. Your mouth drops open and a loud whine escapes you as you try to form the words.

“All yours, Jake. All yours.” You chant, digging your fingers into his biceps as your orgasm builds yet again. “Yours, baby.”

He lets out a sound that almost sounds pained and his eyebrows pinch together as his thrusts grow faster and faster – the sound of his skin hitting yours and the slick squelch from between your legs filling the small bedroom.

“W- fuck! Where?” He begs you, his whole body trembling.

“Inside! Fuck, Jake. Inside. Wanna feel it. Oh fuck!”

He moans loudly as he finishes, painting your walls with his release and the sound of him is what drives you over the edge. Your release gushes out of you, drenching him in your pleasure as you both ride out your orgasms together. The world around you melts away to just you and him, blanketed in your pleasure and safe from everything else that threatens to come between you. It’s everything.

When you both finally come back to yourselves, Jake slowly pulls himself from you before allowing his weight to settle on top of you completely. It’s silent. The rain outside has finally stopped.

“I love you.” He murmurs into your sweaty skin, lips tickling the sensitive skin of your neck.

“I love you too.”

-----

If you're reading this, I love you! 💗

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neverwanttofallasleep · 6 months

Text

😭

Vigilance (Epilogue)

Word Count: 5.5k

Warnings: Mild Language, Extreme Fluff.

Special thanks to my girl @gretavanmoon for always going with my hare-brained ideas, and letting me know I'm not alone in my delusions.

A/N: After much debate, we felt that we owed you all just a little glimpse into the future. This is one of our favorite things we have ever written, and we hope you all love this conclusion as much as we do.

SPRING 2028

SAM POV

Tiny splatters of morning rain started to drizzle across your helmet, thoroughly fogging up any clear view of the street you hoped to have.

“Shit.” You murmured as you down-shifted, throwing your left arm out to the side to signal to the car behind you that you were turning. Luckily you were close to your destination, and you were thankful you wouldn’t have to ride the bike all the way to the elementary school. The morning air was still chilly and damp, but early summer was on the horizon. Your favorite time of year.

You turned onto Jake and June’s street, finding the front door standing wide open, with chaos surely ensuing inside. You parked the bike under the awning on the side of the house, wanting to keep the old worn leather seat out of the rain as much as possible. After hanging your helmet on the handlebar, you tapped your hand to the bike’s belly, giving it an appreciative pet. “Good girl.”

Take good care of her you promised, so take good care of her you would.

You’d hung a note in the back of your mind that it was getting close to time for an oil change. You’d only changed it once since Elle had passed, and after a few failed attempts and four hours of YouTube tutorials, you’d figured it out. Tomorrow, you’d grab a bottle of oil and a 6-pack, and try it again.

You checked your phone, finding that time was slipping by more quickly than you thought. You rushed up the walkway, hearing a loud ruckus bellowing out from the hallway. Once inside, you raised your sunglasses, and waited.

“Helloooooo!?” You shouted into the house. Shortly after, the sound of two sets of tiny feet racing each other down the hallway made your heart skip a beat.

“Uncle Sammy!” They called in unison.

“Good morning my sunshines! Wait! Where are your shoes? It’s time to go!” You crouched down on one knee to accept the rushing embraces of your two new favorite humans, both of them fitting perfectly under each of your arms. Ellis, the rough-and-tumble heartbreaker, already more athletic and intelligent than any other 5-year-old boy you’d ever met, and Eldie, your long-haired firecracker of a niece, the sweet but sneaky spitting image of her Momma.

You stood up and walked down the hall, each of them heartily laughing while you balanced them on your hips. “Where’s Maggie? Are you coming to our soccer game today? Is Uncle Josh coming? Can we get ice cream after the game like last time?” Eldie asked in succession, pushing her soft brown braids out of her face.

“Maggie’s at home today, but you’ll see her soon I promise! Yes, I am coming to your game, but I’ll be going by myself if you both don’t find your cleats!” You lowered them both to the floor when you finally reached the kitchen.

“Is Ladybug coming?” Ellis called out. “I miss her.”

“Not today, buddy. She had to work this morning. But she promises she will be at the next one, sound good? Oh, and she told me to give you this…” you nuggied him in the scalp with your knuckles, effectively making him run away in a fit of giggles.

“Game starts in thirty-five minutes! Chop chop!” You yelled after them, watching them scamper up the stairs.

“I’m going to chop chop your brother’s fucking head off if he doesn’t hurry up cutting the damn oranges!”

You placed two loving hands on your best friend’s shoulders, calming her down from her mom panic as best you could. “Good morning to you too, Junebug.” You gave her a sly smile as she took a deep breath, obviously frazzled from her hectic morning.

She huffed a sigh. “Morning, Sammy. I’m sorry. It’s just been…one of those days already.” She complained, rolling her eyes as she mirrored your action, placing two exhausted hands on your shoulders. “We’re going to be late. Again.”

“Hey! Don’t even…I would have done this last night, baby…but I thought you had already done it. I’m sorry. Plus, the game can’t start until the coach gets there, eh?” Jake laughed her off as he placed the orange wedges into a plastic bag and zipped it shut. You watched as he slipped the bag into a small cooler filled with enough water bottles for the team, and walked to June, lovingly placing a reassuring quick kiss to her forehead.

“I’m here to help.” You clapped your hands together. “What can I do to get us out the door?”

She looked around the house as she stuffed long socks and extra jerseys into two tiny backpacks. “Um, their cleats. They’re…somewhere…”

“I’m on it! Don’t worry!” You clapped again as you ran off through the house in search of the rascals and their missing shoes. “Uncle Sambo to the rescue!”

Finding Ellis’ was easy; they were right under his bed where he hid literally everything else that was important to him. “Aha!” You exclaimed as you grabbed them up, and moved on to the next room.

“Layla Delaney! Honey, where are your cleats? Do you remember where you had them last?” You asked as you walked past Jake’s study, catching her in your peripheral trying to dribble a soccer ball with her knees.

“I dunno, Uncle Sammy I can’t remember!” Her tiny voice answered, her two loose front teeth making your name sound more like Thammy.

You giggled under your breath as you walked into the room, tucking a piece of hair that had fallen from her braids behind her ear. “You’re just like your mom, you know that? She never remembered where she left her things either…”

Just then she kneed the ball particularly high into the air, launching it sideways directly toward Jake’s bookcase. You watched as the ball ricocheted off the top shelf and fell onto the one below it, knocking off the old framed photograph of you, June, and Jake on your first day of senior year right onto the hardwood floor. The frame fell face first, shattering the glass and breaking the frame into pieces.

“What was that!” you heard June’s voice echo from upstairs.

“I’ve got it!” you called out, hoping to avoid more chaos.

You gasped hard as you ran to it, wanting to keep Eldie away from the tiny shards of glass that littered the floor.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to Uncle Sammy!” You heard her begin to cry as she ran over to you. “Please don’t tell Daddy! It was an accident, I–”

“Honey, honey…Laylabelle…calm down. It’s okay. It was an accident!” She was burying her face in your shoulder.

“But he already told me no ball in the house! And I brokeded his favorite p-picture of you and him and m-mommy!” Her big blue eyes were already stained with tears as you pulled her away. God you’d know those eyes anywhere.

“Eldie, listen. Daddy won’t be mad, I’ll tell him it was an accident. But, you should have been listening. I can’t promise you won’t get in trouble for disobeying him…okay?” You tried your best to console her tiny crying frame while also reminding her of her parents’ rules. She nodded hard as her sobs subsided. “No more ball in the house, right?”

“Right.” she repeats, bravely wiping her own tears from her cheeks.

“Go get your bag from your mom, we have to go, okay?” you said as she turned around. “Wait! C’mere…” you paused, waiting for her to turn back to you and pulling her into your arms, “We can get ice cream after the game, but only if you don’t yell at the other players like you did last time…” you bargain, hoping to skip a repeat of her last yellow card. She nodded her head enthusiastically as you tapped her back, watching her as she ran off towards her bedroom. You reached down and began to carefully pick up the glass from the floor, stacking the larger pieces into your hand. You flipped what was left of the frame over, feeling something small tumble out from the back covering.

Your brain didn’t comprehend the sound right off the bat; instead you listened to the small metallic object bounce across the floor. Like deja vú. Immediately your mind traveled back to years ago, the night June woke up from her coma, ripped the ring from her finger, and threw it across the hospital floor.

The exact same sound.

You felt your heart rate pick up as your eyes traveled to where the sound stopped, and there it was.

Your great grandmother’s ring. You slowly picked it up, rolling it between your fingers as you inspected it. Gold band, tiny diamond. Yes, this was most definitely it. You felt your heart drop to your stomach.

“June!!! Junie!!!” You yelled, raising up from the floor. “Jaaaake!” You heard their footsteps running down the hall as they made their way into the study.

“What’s wrong? What happened?!” Jake exclaimed as they both entered the room.

You met them with a giant smile, standing tall as you held out a closed fist to June.

“What? What is it Sammy?” She asked frantically, noticing the glass pieces in your other hand.

You stayed quiet, and urged her to open her hand to yours. She lifted her cupped hands to your fist, and you gently dropped the tiny memento into her waiting palms. “Look what Eldie found.”

You grinned ear to ear as you watched her and Jake both explode into happiness, completely shocked at what you had just found.

“Oh my god! It’s— how did she…?!” June was lost for words. You watched as Jake’s eyes traveled to the broken photo. He leaned down and picked it up, careful not to bring any glass along with him. He shook off the photo as he brought it back over to you.

“Look, baby.” He pointed to the back of the photo, a small piece of tape attached to the back with the perfect shape of the ring underneath it. “Must’ve knocked loose when it hit the floor.”

“It’s been five years…” she muttered, barely a whisper. “I guess I…I guess I hid it somewhere I knew it would always be safe…”

Jake wrapped his arms around her shoulders from behind as she held it in disbelief, the two of them staring at it in amazement. “Mmhm, safe until our babies came along, right?” He laughed his guttural laugh and placed another kiss to her cheek.

“Wow, I can’t believe it…” you could tell she was still having trouble forming thoughts, but you still knew her all too well. You could tell her mind was racing with the still-strong memories of the time right after her coma. When Jake had given her this ring to tie her to the earth. When she woke up thinking she was still in love with you.

You swallowed hard and cleared your throat, trying to break the tension of the now silent room. “I’ll uh, I’ll go get a dust pan.” June said, wiping her eyes as she turned to leave, but not before gently placing the ring back into Jake’s shirt pocket. She tapped her hand across it, feeling that it had indeed landed there against his chest where she wanted it. She gave him a tiny nod, of which he responded back with a wink. “I’ll be right back.”

When June was out of earshot, you bent down again and began to collect the broken pieces of frame. “Eldie didn’t do it on purpose, she kicked her ball a little too hard, and it—”

“She’s not supposed to be playing ball in the house, she knows that. Especially in here.” Jake responded sternly, glancing toward his acoustic sitting on its stand in the corner. He sighed hard, his eyes flicking up towards the staircase.

“Layla Delaney, come here please!” he called out to her, frustration painting his voice. You hear a mumble of a response from the top of the stairs before she comes flying down in her neon yellow soccer cleats.

In a move she learned from her mother, she stared straight into Jake’s eyes, batting her tiny lashes as innocently as possible. “Yes, daddy…” she says, sweetly.

“Were you playing with the soccer ball in the study?” he asks, squatting down to meet her at eye level. She nods her head slowly, twisting her hands together.

“Are you supposed to be playing with the soccer ball in the house?” he asks, tilting his head to the side. She shakes her head in response, the guilt pouring from her tiny frame.

“Where are you supposed to play with it, baby?” he asks, grabbing her small hands in his.

“In the backyard.” she answers nervously, eyes shooting to you for reassurance as you give her a wink.

“That’s right. Do you see why we don’t play in the house?” He asks, gesturing to the broken frame.

“Because things get broked.” She squeaks out.

“Exactly. So you’re not going to play in here anymore, right?” he says, peering at her through his blue lense sunglasses.

“Right.” she replies. Jake pulls her in, kisses her forehead and stands up to look at you as she scurries off towards the kitchen.

He shakes his head and laughs, “How the hell am I supposed to be mad at her when she looks at me like that? She looks just like her mother. It’s a trap, and it’s only getting worse the older she gets. She’s her clone.”

“I know, she is. But don’t be mad at her, it was an accident. She’s only five. We were breaking the rules a lot worse than she was when we were little.” You defended her.

He sighed. “I know…It’s fine. Plus, something pretty damn good actually came out of this accident, hmm?”

“Yeah, it sure did. God, I can’t believe we found it…it’s crazy she still couldn’t remember…” you went on, the memories catching up with you, now, too.

“I knew we’d find it one day...” He held the photograph, smirking at himself and the shorter haircuts and swooped bangs. You and June so excited and eager to start senior year, and him already so over being up so early in the morning. “We thought we were hot shit, didn’t we?”

“We were hot shit, what are you talking about? Look at us…” You laughed, sweeping your hand across the floor. “If only we knew…”

“We signed to the label that same day.” He reminisces, rubbing his finger over the picture. “We’ve been through some crazy shit, haven’t we Sammy boy?” He said, his voice flat.

You nodded. “Real fuckin’ crazy.”

He stood from his place on the floor, and reached his fingertips into his shirt pocket. He pulled out the ring, bringing it up to the light. “Not as much shit as this ring has, though.” He sucked in a tight breath, tossing the ring lightly into the air and catching it again, holding it out in his open palm toward you. “Here. It’s yours.”

You shook your head, pushing his hand away. “No, no it’s not. Dad gave it to you, it’s—”

He pulled up his sunglasses. “Sam, what on earth do I need it for?” You met his eyes, deep and full of sincerity, just like they always were when he was being honest. He shrugged his shoulders when you didn’t answer. You took the ring, holding it like it was a million dollar bill in your hand. “Just hang on to it. Beats giving it back to dad, right?”

Before you could answer, he was gone, leaving you sitting cross-legged on the floor surrounded by tiny piles of shattered glass, an age-old photograph, and a billion and a half memories. The ring was still lying perfectly in the middle of your palm, so you quickly slipped it into your pants pocket.

The motion was like muscle memory. For weeks you carried around Elle’s engagement ring, letting it burn a hole in your pocket before you finally took it out and put it away for good.

But this time, you wouldn’t let that happen. You were a grown man, now. Your life was on a completely different track than it was five years ago. Things had changed, and you were ready to move on.

Right?

Picking up the final shards of glass you stood up, nearly jumping out of your skin as you saw Ellis standing at the door ready to go, as usual. “Shi—shoot, you scared me! You ready buddy?” you asked, making your way into the kitchen, tossing the glass into the trash can. You returned to the door, helping him put on his backpack.

“Is Uncle Josh coming?” he asks, his tiny eyes blinking up at you.

“I think so! Let me see…” you say, pulling your phone from your pocket and checking his location. You smiled to yourself, seeing his tiny blue dot flashing along the interstate. “Yep. He’s on his way, which is why we have to leave… June! Jake! Eldie! We going to this soccer game or what?!”

June is the first down the stairs, Eldie hot on her heels with fresh braids and her backpack that seems far too large for her tiny stature. “We’re leaving you, Jacob!” June calls out, laughing as she ushers the kids out the front door, unlocking her car. “Can you buckle Eldie? I’ll do Ellis?” she asks, tossing the bags into the trunk.

You make your way to the other side of the car, seeing Eldie trying to situate herself in her seat. You grab the seatbelt, pulling it snuggly against her chest as she speaks. “I think I’m gonna get mint chocolate chip this time. It’s green. I like green the best and chocolate. What flavor are you gonna get Uncle Sammy?” she asks, her sweet voice ringing through the car as her feet dangle over the edge of the seat.

“Hmm…I dunno…Maybe strawberry. I like strawberry, although my favorite flavor ever is Pumpkin. But they only have that one in the fall.”

“Oh! I love pumpkin! Right mommy? I love pumpkin!” she replies excitedly, causing you to bite your lips together, stifling back the laugh in your chest. You peer over to the other side of the car with a smug grin on your lips, watching as June buckles Ellis, shaking her head concealing her own laughter.

“Well, you must’ve gotten that from me, cause your Mommy can’t stand pumpkin.” You booped your fingertip to her tiny nose as you glanced at June again, the old memory of that first night you spent together in Nashville all those years ago seeming so distant now.

You hear the trunk open as Jake loads the cooler. “We are so late. They are going to forfeit the game. Shit. Shit!”

“Jacob!” June scolds him, jumping into the passenger seat.

“Sorry! Don’t say that!” he corrects in his British accent, sliding into the driver's seat. You climb into the middle seat between Ellis and Eldie, placing your arms around the headrests as you meet Jake’s eyes in the rearview mirror with a full toothy grin. Even behind the lenses of his sunglasses you can see him roll his eyes at you, shaking his head with a smile as he pulls away from the curb.

—

“Alright, Eldie and Ellis go with daddy…Me and uncle Sammy will grab the cooler and meet you out there in a minute.” June says as Jake pulls into a parking space. You reach over and unbuckle both of their seatbelts, opening the doors on each side so they can grab their backpacks and jump out. “Look both ways, do you hear me? Hold dad’s hands…”

Ellis is the first out of the car, shutting the door behind him before you can tell him good luck. Eldie is not too far behind him as Jake quickly pulls his hair into a bun in the visor mirror. “Wait for me, guys!” He yelled, but it was hardly any use.

“Eldie, remember our deal…” you say pointing your finger at her with a smile. She smiles a snaggle toothed grin before sprinting off towards the soccer field in a blur of brown hair. Jake jumps out of the car, jogging towards the group of five and six year olds waiting for his arrival.

You look to the sky, seeing that the misty rain had cleared, and the sun was peeking out brightly from behind the clouds. You meet June at the back of the car, unloading the cooler as she grabs her bag, shutting the trunk as she lowers her sunglasses to her nose. “I just know I’m going to get an earful from Jacquelyn’s mother about showing up late again…” she huffs, locking the Jeep.

“Maybe if she spent more time practicing with her child and less time worrying about what time you arrived, her kid would get to do more than sit on the bench.” you quip.

“Sam!” she shouted, sending her elbow into your arm as you pulled the cooler behind you through the damp grass.

“What!? Am I wrong?!” you ask playfully.

“Well, no, but…”

“Aye! Aye! They just let anyone come to these things, huh?!” you hear Josh’s booming voice from behind. You both spin to see him walking towards you with a drink carrier full of coffees that are no doubt the reason he’s just as late as you are.

“Oh thank god.” June says, pulling a white paper cup from the tray extended out towards her. “Why do you look so chipper this morning?” she says, squinting her eyes at him.

“I’m always chipper Junie baby!” he says, throwing his free hand around her shoulder.

“No… No you look…I don’t know. I swear you just don’t age.” she says, waving her hands in the air.

“Oh yiss, it’s my multitude of expensive creams and serums, dahling.” he says, taking on his Elle persona. “They keep me youthsful and gor-juss.” he laughs, flashing her his perfectly white smile.

You pull a coffee from the tray, sipping the hot liquid and feeling your brain come alive. “Ahh, Ellebelle. Please help me survive this game and this family. Thank you and Amen.” You heard June tease as she shook her head at Josh.

You park the cooler next to the bench, the game just starting as Jake nods his head towards you in appreciation, before quickly turning his attention back to the field. “Find it, Sutton! Find it!” he yells, pointing towards the ball in motion. His voice carries across the field, grabbing the attention of his players. “That’s it! Get after it Jameson, block him!”

You climb up the rickety bleachers behind him, taking a seat next to June who is watching the field intently for her little players. You flick your eyes back to the field, watching as Ellis commands the ball. “Pass it Ellis!” you hear Jake’s voice ring out, as he claps his hands together.

“God, I swear that child is Jake made over.” Josh says, watching Ellis while leaning back onto the bleachers behind him. “I’m gonna pull some of the old VHS tapes one of these days. The kid has talent June, I’m telling you.”

You nod in agreement, taking another sip of your coffee as you see Eldie swinging her legs from the wooden bench on the sidelines, talking animatedly to the little girl next to her. You have a moment of reflection as you see the name ‘KISZKA’ on the back of her jersey, sitting proudly over the ‘13’. Who knew two tiny people could fill up such an empty place in your heart. As you watch her talk you see her suddenly turn around to look up at the stands, waving excitedly as she catches sight of Josh sitting next to June. Josh waves back at her, blowing her kisses before Jake calls her out to the field.

“Alright, here we go. Let’s hope for no trash talking today.” June says with an exasperated sigh.

“That child may look like you, but she has Jake’s short fuse one hundred percent.” you say, leaning forward to concentrate on the game.

“Tell me about it. She blew a gasket the other day because she couldn’t find a book she was looking for. Suddenly it was my fault that she left it in the car. I couldn’t help but think of Jake and his stupid hat.” she laughs, shaking her head.

“Yeah god, how many times has he had to replace that thing?” Josh questions.

“I don’t know, five times maybe? I just know someone, somewhere is walking around with that nasty thing on.” She says, shivering at the thought.

“Oop, I gotta take this, I’ll be right back.” Josh says, holding up his phone. He slides past you answering the call before disappearing behind the stands.

“Ellis misses Maggie. Think I’m gonna bring her up for the Fourth. Surprise him.” you say, still focused on the game.

“Oh he will love that. I keep telling Jake we need to get him a dog, but he doesn’t see why we need one if you have one.” she giggles, shrugging her shoulders. She leans back onto the row behind her, basking in the sunlight filtering through the clouds.

“Maggie is happy to be your stand-in family dog.” you say, looking over to her as the sun shines on her shoulders, warming her skin and your heart.

“I have something serious I need to tell you. I don’t want to alarm you, but it’s urgent that I tell you…” you pause, grabbing her attention. “I’ve come to the sudden realization that you’re pretty much a milf, June.”

“Shut the fuc–heck up.” she says laughing along with you, slapping your arm as she catches her slip up.

“What!? You are! Look around babe. You are a bonafide, grade A milf.” you reply, as Josh slides back into the bleachers next to her. “Okay, sorry about that.”

June turns her attention back to you, “I have five year old twins, and a perpetually 25 year old husband. I am hardly a milf. If I’m anything, it’s exhausted.”

“Oh, well good! That means you’ll be glad to hear that I have finally decided on a theme for this years…” he pauses for dramatic effect, “Camp Josh Extravaganza…” he says in a deep theatrical voice, waving his hands through the air.

“Oh did you? I don’t know how you’re going to top last year. Ellis still talks about the fire you started in the backyard.” June says, excitedly.

“Oh yeah, you still want me to bring my stuff over one day?” you ask, turning to look at him.

“Yeah, yeah. Okay, so it’s going to be ‘A Night at the Opera’… It will be all music themed this year. Gonna show them a few of the greats, and let them play a few instruments, take ‘em down to the studio one day, then we are going to go see the symphony down at The Ryman. Bug scored us some good seats, right Sammy?”

“She did, she did. She’s there this morning for a ballet or something.” you confirm.

“So, it will have to be the week after we get back from Michigan to work with the performance date. That work for you?” he asks June, with hopeful eyes.

“Yes, I think me and Jake are gonna try and go somewhere this year. Might go stay at that cabin we used to like. Not sure yet, but that sounds perfect to me. They are going to be thrilled.”

“Oh yeah, speaking of the Fourth, have either of you heard from Danny? Are they coming?” she asks.

“I talked to him yesterday. Cat’s due like… next week, so if they come they will have the baby with them. He isn’t sure just yet.” you answer, tapping your fingers against your cup.

“I think it’s a boy.” Josh says, eyes fixed on the field.

“I think so too. I can’t believe they aren’t finding out, I could never.” June laughs.

“I can’t decide. When you were pregnant you had like, every single symptom so I don’t have anything to compare it to.” you say, watching Ellis run towards the bench. He grabs his water bottle and chugs it as he takes a seat. Again you smile at the name across the back of his jersey, ‘20’ being his chosen number this season at June’s request.

Your eyes flick up to Jake, sweaty and aggravated as he paces the sidelines with his hands on his head calling out plays to the players on the field. You catch sight of Eldie, zooming through her opponents towards the ball, and though you can’t make out what she’s saying, you can see her lips moving and you know that’s not a good sign.

“I know mom and dad are dying to see the kids. It’s all mom talks about. Can’t make it through one phone call…” You say, laughing under your breath.

“Yeah, I talked to her the other day, all the grandparents are going to be available for babysitting that weekend, my parents included, and I am taking full advantage.” she laughs, wiggling her eyebrows beneath her sunglasses.

“Oh yeah? Momma’s gonna let loose?” Josh asks, nudging her arm.

“She might, she might…”

A whistle blows on the field, the referee holding up a yellow card, and mouthing the word ‘13’.

“Layla, you’re out! Harper, you’re in!” Jake yells, pointing towards the field.

“Oh come on, ref!” Josh yells animatedly towards the field.

“Damnit, Eldie.” June mutters, rubbing her hand over her face. “Jake is going to be pissed. They talked for nearly an hour last time this happened and she swore she wouldn’t do it again.”

“I tried to bribe her with ice cream…I think we’re gonna have to go bigger than that next time…” you add, watching her run off the field towards the sidelines.

Ellis calls her over towards him on the bench, redirecting her path as gameplay resumes on the field. She stands in front of him with her hands on her hips, and as you watch you see her face soften into that same guilty look from earlier. You smile as you watch Ellis essentially scold his sister, in his own five year old way. She nods her head when he’s done talking to her, and he reaches his hand out towards her.

She sticks her pinky out, and links it with his, catching your breath in your throat. They both nod their heads at each other as they kiss their thumbs, sealing their pinky promises to each other. Eldie takes the seat next to her brother as the game starts to wrap up, and you feel content at the sentiment of their actions, and the strength of their bond, knowing exactly where they learned it from.

You feel a full, happy feeling swirling in your chest as you look over to June, her hand covering her mouth, witnessing the same sweet moment as you did. Neither of you even had to speak on it, you both felt it. She sent you a knowing smile, the same one you’ve loved since you two were five years old. And as you threw your arm around her shoulder, you pulled her close placing a quick, innocent kiss on her cheek. “I love watching you be a Momma.” You mumbled out to her, in complete honesty. “Already teaching them such good habits.”

“I didn’t teach them that, Sammy. They just watch us a little more closely than we think.”

You sighed and watched them pick on one another on the bench, already the best of friends. It was strange, growing up you’d watched your older brothers do the strange ‘twin things’ that no one else could really explain, and here it was again, happening right before your eyes with Eldie and Ellis.

A few minutes later, Jake turned around shaking his head towards June as he laughed at Eldie, shrugging his shoulders at a loss for what to do with that crazy child of his, and as the last few minutes of the game concluded, June’s head came to rest on your shoulder, wordlessly telling you that finally, you were exactly where you were meant to be on this crazy planet hurtling through the stars.

It’d come full-circle, a family you all had built together, from the ground up. The latest addition being your sweet Ladybug, an unexpected turn of events that made you feel more whole than you had in ages. Though the journey had been filled with its fair share of ups and downs, there was no place you’d rather be, and no other people you’d rather be sharing it with.

Lately, you felt a new connection with your family down deep in your soul, and you wanted nothing more than to repay it with as much honor and reverence as you could muster. You’d taken solace in the fact that the only constant in life is change, and you were more than ready to accept it with your heart more full than you ever imagined it could be.

🌼🌼🌼

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