#(He literally got himself up and travelled all the way to Paul’s house to see why he didn’t show up)
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Why I love Pre-Boot Tim Drake and why the Reboot has ruined him
I love Tim Drake. He is my favorite comic book character of all time. I’ve been really upset the past few days about what DC has been doing with him lately, and I thought it would be cathartic for me to write something up about it. (No, this isn’t a rant about Tim being bi/gay; it’s a much larger problem than that. But I’ll get to that in a bit.) Bear with me for a bit of history, first.
When I was a kid I loved the Batman Animated Series. I know this will lose me a lot of internet cred, but I always preferred the fourth season. In particular, I loved Tim Drake. He was fun and funny and I absolutely adored him. I used to beg my mom to take me to the mall so I could buy issues of Gotham Adventures. For my birthday one year my parents got me a subscription to the comic, and I was blown away by the idea that I could have comics MAILED to my HOUSE.
Around middle school I started collecting Marvel comics, mostly X-men stuff. I loved them, but when I started college I quit the hobby for financial reasons.
Fast forward a few years, and I felt I was financially stable enough to start buying comics again. Rather than going back to Marvel, I decided to give Batman comics a chance. I had no idea where to start, and when I found out my beloved Tim had his own comic series, I thought it was a perfect entry point into the Batman universe. I bought the complete series from a local comic shop and dove in.
Tim’s Robin series was exactly what I was looking for in a comic. He was very different from little Timmy Todd from BtAS, but I loved him. I built the rest of my comic collection around him, grabbing up every book that he was featured in, from Young Justice to Teen Titans to Batman, Detective Comics, Nightwing, Red Robin, and many others. I have random books from series like The Demon just because Tim was in them.
So why did I like Tim so much? What about this character made me so excited for more? I found in Tim something that I had never seen in a comic book before: character growth. Somehow, though he was written by many different authors over many different years, Tim managed to have a character arc that is consistent and makes sense. Sure, there were a few small bumps along the way, but on the whole Tim has always stayed true to his character, and he’s developed in a way that the big name characters, like Batman, never can.
When we’re first introduced to Tim, he’s a young teen who has been neglected by his parents growing up. He’s smart, healthy, and strong, but he lacks so much self confidence and has little sense of self worth. Tim notices Bruce’s increasing violence as he grieves for the loss of his son, and Tim knows he needs to step in and help. Batman needs a Robin.
For most characters, this would be the part where Tim put himself forward for the job. But he doesn’t. He seeks out Dick Grayson and begs him to come home instead. It’s only when Batman and Nightwing are in danger and there is literally no one else to help that Tim steps up and dons the cape. And once he does, he’s constantly plagued by self-doubt, terrified he will screw up and leave Batman worse than ever before.
From there, Tim undergoes intense training. He never begs to be in the spotlight, doesn’t push to go out on the streets before he’s ready. His goal is to help Bruce as much as possible.
Here’s where I started to fall in love with him. All that self-doubt, the constant need to be useful? That’s exactly what you would expect to see from a child whose parents had ignored and neglected him. He finally has a parental figure who sees him, who values him, and Tim does everything he can to make himself worthy in the hopes that Bruce will keep him around.
This is the first example of character consistency that we see with Tim. And it continues. When his mom dies and his dad is put in a coma, you see Tim struggle to come to terms with losing the people he loves, but never had a relationship with. Tim almost never mentions his mom after her death, because she just wasn’t present in his life. When his dad recovers and decides to stick around, Tim struggles to build a relationship with him. He’s plagued with guilt because he’s finally found the father figure he needed in Bruce, but he thinks that he’s supposed to feel that way for Jack. It’s a running undercurrent in their relationship that creates distance between them for years.
This is already so long, so I’m going to try to summarize a bit more. We get to watch Tim grow up. We see his awkward relationship with his first girlfriend, Ariana. He doesn’t know how to treat her; he’s never had the opportunity to observe a healthy relationship. But he tries so, so hard. All of Tim’s relationships are awkward, because he’s never had a model of a good one. Steph is a great match for him, because she’s very vocal about what she wants and needs, and she isn’t afraid to call Tim out when he messes up, which is exactly what Tim needs.
Big things happen to Tim. He’s stuck with Jean-Paul Valley, who slowly goes insane, leaving Tim to try to keep the city in one piece. He’s infected with the Clench, a plague that sweeps over Gotham and kills everyone it touches, and barely escapes with his life. His girlfriend is sexually assaulted, leaving him to deal with the fallout. His family moves out of Gotham, and he has to sneak back in during No Man’s Land to help. His relationship with his dad has intense ups and downs, resulting in him being sent to boarding school, punished in a variety of ways, and generally caused a lot of trouble in his life.
Then people start dying. Over the course of about a year in his life, Tim loses his girlfriend, his dad, a close friend, and his best friend, each of whom dies under tragic conditions. Tim’s grief is intense, and he is understandably traumatized by the losses. We see fundamental changes in his character. He changes his costume from something bright and cheerful to something darker that reflects his emotional state. He’s more subdued, his adventures a little more serious.
When Bruce first tries to adopt him, Tim literally creates an uncle and hires an actor to play him, just to avoid dealing with the situation. Bruce has viewed Tim as a son for years, so to him the adoption is an obvious step. For Tim, it feels like a betrayal of his father, and it takes a while before he’s ready to accept Bruce’s love, home, and a place in his family.
When Damian shows up on the scene, Tim really struggles with him, and not just because early Damian is a horrid brat who tries to kill Tim on multiple occasions. Tim has always felt the need to earn his place with Bruce, and Damian constantly throws all of Tim’s biggest fears in his face—he’s not wanted or needed now that the “real” son is here, he’s not worthy of a place in the family, he’s not good enough.
Tim tries to clone Conner, his best friend. He’s lost so many people, and he’s desperate to get them back. Conner was cloned to begin with and fully matured over a very short period of time; the technology clearly exists, so why can’t Tim use it to get his best friend back? And if he can get Conner back, why not the others he’s lost? He eventually gives up, but when he eventually gets access to a Lazarus Pit, he immediately wants to incorporate the waters into his process so he can revive his loved ones. With Dick’s help, Tim eventually decides to let it go, but it’s such a poignant moment for the character.
Then Bruce dies, and Dick takes Robin away. Tim switches to the Red Robin persona as he travels the world, alone, trying to prove that he was right. He has to deal with the trauma of losing another father, finds out that his girlfriend never died but let him hurt so much for so long. His brother and the only close friend he has left both think his grief has overwhelmed his sense and that he’s gone crazy. He’s utterly alone.
The Red Robin series is such a great culmination for Tim. He finds a place for himself as a hero, as a CEO. He gets parts of his family back—Bruce, Steph, Bart, Conner. He finally figures out who he wants to be and creates a place for himself.
This overarching character development is what I love about Tim. His many, many traumas impact his decisions, and you can clearly see how he changes over time as a result of them. I didn’t even go into his development as a leader from his early fumbling with Young Justice to his strong leadership of the Teen Titans, or how his relationships with Conner, Bart, and Cassie develop so fluidly and realistically over the years.
This is why I love Tim. Characters like Batman are static; nothing that happens to them will ever have a lasting impact, because in the end the character always returns to what they were. Tim, on the other hand, has changed and developed A LOT since his initial appearance. His growth has always been consistent and logical.
When the reboot happened, all of that character growth was lost. Tim was replaced with a jerk who betrayed his friends and cheated on his girlfriend. DC has basically retconned all of this and tried to turn Tim back into who he was, but by taking away all of the things that have happened to him over the years, Tim has lost SO MUCH.
I keep looking for my Tim in recent comics, and I just can’t find him. It breaks my heart, because I love him so much, and it feels like he’s lost to me forever. The most recent Young Justice comic series actually gave me hope; I felt like maybe, finally, someone was going to write Tim correctly. He had his primary friendships back, his relationship with Steph was developing (even if they seem to have completely dropped all the development around Steph’s decision to let Tim think she was dead). The actual book itself wasn’t fantastic, but it felt like they were headed in the right direction.
Over the last few days, I read the Batman: Urban Legends books. I actually read the Batman/Red Hood story first, which was fantastic. I was really excited to read Tim’s story (though I already knew how it ended). Jason’s character was handled so well, and he seemed to actually have some character development that will hopefully last. I anticipated the same for Tim.
But Tim’s story was awful. The plot was all over the place—kids are being kidnapped, so Tim has to join a pain cult to get them back? He’s somehow helping Oracle with computer issues while simultaneously questioning witnesses? He’s broken up with Steph, off camera, shortly after telling her how much he loves her, but Steph somehow thinks that they should have a caring relationship where Tim tells her what he’s feeling? Bernard has somehow become a good enough fighter to stand side by side with Robin? Tim STILL doesn’t have a code name? Why is everyone suddenly hounding him about what he wants to do with his life?
It’s just such a mess of a story. If it didn’t end with Tim agreeing to go on a date with Bernard, no one would ever have even mentioned it. There’s nothing particularly re-readable or enjoyable about it.
I actually liked that they brought Bernard back. I really enjoyed him in the original Robin series. It’s been a while since I read that part of the series (I’m actually working my way back through it now). I know Bernard always read as gay to me, yet somehow I felt like he was out of character in these books.
And then, the climax of the story. Tim is bi, or gay, or has at least agreed to go on a date with a boy.
If this had happened in the pre-boot, when Tim was Red Robin and had an actual character arc, I honestly wouldn’t have had an issue with it. I do think it would have needed a LOT more build up than it was given here. Tim has always been a very introspective character, and we’ve been party to so much of his internal monologue over the years. It seems very strange to me that such a huge thing just sneaks up on him out of nowhere when he’s never even thought about it before.
But more than that, this story just feels like the final death blow for the Tim I loved. The whole arc is about how Tim doesn’t know who he is or who he wants to be. What will his hero name be? Will he go to college? What is he going to do with his life? These are all great questions, and his answer to all of them is… date a boy?
Is this going to be his defining characteristic going forward? From here will we just see Tim exploring and discovering his sexuality? The Tim we have now doesn’t have a family, a team, a purpose, or even a code name. Why was this the thing that DC decided to give us? It feels like they wanted to make a gay Robin and decided it would be Tim because they didn’t know what else to do with him.
It’s stupid, but I honestly feel like I’ve spent the past few days grieving the loss of a loved one. The Tim that DC is presenting now is just not the person that I knew. Tim would never break up with Steph that abruptly for what he admits is no apparent reason. He would never say “just call me Robin, since Damian’s out of town.” Everything that I love about Tim seems to be gone, and in its place DC has given me a date with a boy.
Again, it’s not Tim being not-straight that I have an issue with. I’ve never read the character that way, but it’s something I can live with. My issue is the way it was handled. Why not make Tim an actual person first, and then explore his sexuality? Send him off to college! He’s obviously thinking about it! It’s the perfect opportunity to give him his own book. He can move to a different city, choose a new name, and DC can introduce a whole new set of characters. Figure out which parts of Tim’s backstory are still canon, and which have been dropped. Make him a person again, and then let him explore his sexuality.
I know this post is all over the place, and I don’t have time right now to go back and edit it. I just really needed an outlet for my frustration. Right now it feels like there are so many people who are so excited about Tim being bi/gay, but they don’t know anything else about him. I keep seeing people comment how DC has been “dropping hints for years!” with no evidence other than “he and Superboy were really close!” I guess I’d just really like to have some dialogue with other people who are fans of Tim, rather than fans of Tim-as-bi/gay or fans of Tim-as-straight.
Does anyone else feel this way? I’d honestly like to have a dialogue about it with other long time fans.
#Tim Drake#Red Robin#this is a long one#pre-boot vs reboot#this formatting is a little weird#Batman: Urban Legends 6#Batman: Urban Legends 5#Batman: Urban Legends 4
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Gift of the gods
pairing: Paul Lahote x female!pagan!reader
Sum: what if the gods did granted readers wish?
warnings: a smal bit of smut please skip that if you’re under 18!
masterlist
It was almost twilight when y/n arrived at la push beach with her small backpack, it had been years since the last time that she had been here but it still felt like coming home. She quickly kicked out her shoes so she could feel the earth beneath her bare feet as she walked to what used to be her secret spot. It was a place close to the shoreline that was kept hidden by some bushes and a few trees. If you’d be walking on the beach you’d never see it if someone was sitting there, and that was what she was looking for. She didn’t want people to see what she was about to do, this was something for herself, something she did every time she traveled.
Once she had reached the spot she drops down to her knees in the sand and starts to unpack the five candles and matches that were in the backpack. Colored ribbons decorated four of the candles, she picked up the one with the yellow ribbon and placed it in the east, the one with the red she placed in the south, blue in the west, and green in the north so the four candles formed a circle around her. As she took the matches in her hand she took the time to clear her mind as best as she could so her mind was only in that moment when she started to light each candle. By then the sun was set but it wasn’t completely dark yet, ‘the perfect time’ she thought to herself as she started to cast her protective circle.
“I call the Guardian of the east and the element of air to watch over this sacred circle”
“I call the Guardian of the south and the element of fire to watch over this sacred circle.”
“I call the Guardian of the west and the element of water to watch over this sacred circle.”
“I call the Guardian of the north and the element of earth to watch over this sacred circle.”
With every sentence she spoke she visualized a physical circle forming around her.
Unknown to her there were more than just the element guardians watching her. Hidden behind the treeline 2 wolves were watching the scene unfold curious about what was happening. “she looks familiar” Jared said through the mind link to Paul. “Nah, doesn’t seem familiar to me. Should we report this to Sam? We don’t know what she’s up to.” Paul responded.
“I don’t see harm in the girl, but it might be a good idea to keep an eye on her as long as she’s on that beach.”
So the two kept watching the girl in silence.
Y/n took a deep breath before lighting the last plain white candle and placed it in front of her and started to focus on opening her mind as she spoke.
“God and Goddess, grant me the power of water to accept with ease and grace what I cannot change. grant me the power of fire for the energy of courage to change the things I can. Grant me the power of air for the ability to know the difference, and grant me the power earth for the strength to continue my path.”
After a moment of meditation with her eyes closed, she could feel how her mind eased with the peace she needed.
Suddenly a branch snapped behind her, making her eyes shot open. When she looked over her shoulder in the direction the sound came from she was stunned, two large wolves were looking straight at her. One was dark brown and as soon as the animal had noticed her looking back at them he stepped back disappearing behind the treeline. The other was dark silver like and stared deeply back at her without moving, it’s brown eyes looking so human that she started to doubt if what she was seeing was real. It got so intense that she had to look away at some point but the moment she looked back the wolf was gone. y/n shrugged and blew out the candle in front of her, it was time to go. She thanked the guardians and sent them back on their way before blowing out the rest of the candles and packed everything back into her backpack.
--------------- 18+ SMUT
“Oh baby, that’s it” his deep voice moaned, his warm soft hands guided the movement of her hips while she was on top of him. She could feel him pulsing inside of her, she could feel every vein that ran through his hard cock with every move of her hips. She had never felt this good, this complete and safe. His moans only added up to her arousal and made her in turn also moan out loud every time her clit made contact with his pubic bone. “Yes my love let me hear that beautiful voice of yours.” he practically growled before he lifted her off his lap and turned them so y/n was laying on her back with the brown eyed man on top of her looking at her lovingly.
“I love you, y/n”
Next thing she knew he was thrusting back inside of her while he kissed her passionately.
Her lover held himself up with one hand next to her head while as other hand found it’s place on her clit, rubbing the little bundle of nerves in sync with the movements of his own hips.
Y/n was a moaning mess at the mercy of her lover that brought her closer and closer to the peak of pleasure. But just before she could fall over the edge and have the most earth-shattering orgasm she was sure she would have a voice called out to her.
---------- end smut
“Wake up sleepyhead! The sunlight is here to greet the day!”
Y/n’s eyes shot open while she groaned. It was just a dream, there was no hot brown eyed man that was making her feel good.
“What do you want Kim, it’s way too early” y/n groaned as she saw her usual shy friend standing in the door opening. Y/n wasn’t a morning person especially after a dream like that.
“Oh, you grumpy cat” Kim chuckled, “Come on, we need to leave soon or there won’t be much breakfast left at Emily’s. And the guys are dying to meet you.”
That’s right, she almost forgot. When a week ago Y/n arrived at her friends’ place Kim was so happy to see her that they had spent most of that time together, catching up on everything that had happened since the last time Y/n was here.
Y/n had spent most of her youth here in La Push, growing up as a foster kid in Kim’s family until another family adopted her at the age of 15. Kim had always been more like a sister to her so even after she had left with her adoptive family she had kept in touch with Kim and her parents.
Now after a week full of quality time and their favorite things done it was time to meet Kim’s boyfriend and his friends in real life. She had already heard a lot about Jared, even before the two got together. Kim was so in love with him that sometimes y/n had to butt in if she wanted to say something. But Y/n was happy that her friend had found someone that treated her right.
“Okay give me a minute to get ready,” Y/n said as she literally rolled out of bed and got up.
Fifteen minutes later y/n was dressed and ready to go. Kim had said that Emily’s place wasn’t that far so they decided to walk the short distance.
“Y/n, I was wondering. So every time you travel or do something important you do that ritual to ask the gods for strength and balance right?” Kim suddenly started knowing about her pagan believes.
“Yeah, why?”
“What if the gods grant your wish? But what if they grant it in the form of a person, like a soulmate?”
Y/n didn’t expect that to be her question because it wasn’t something she had thought of before.
“I don’t know Kim, for me, it’s more something like inner strength. You know. It’s something I want to for myself but hey I’m never turning down a gift from the gods. Especially if that gift is in the form of a hot guy made just for me.” she laughed.
They could hear the laughs of multiple people coming from the little but beautiful house that stood in the middle of an open field surrounded by trees. But the moment the girls started to walk closer to the house the laughing stopped, the sliding door opened and before she knew it Kim was lifted off her feet and spun around in the arms of who she recognized as Kim’s boyfriend Jared.
“Hey, you must be Y/n, Kim has told us a lot about you.” Jared smiled at her once he had placed Kim back onto her own feet, but still kept his arm around her waist.
“Yeah I am, it’s nice to finally meet you. Kim hasn’t shut up about you.” she chuckled making Jared and Kim chuckle too.
“Well come on in, breakfast is served” a sweet voice called out from the small porch.
“Wellcome Y/n I’m Emily”
She thanked her for the invitation before following the small group inside where the kitchen table was already filled with food and a bunch of guys sitting around it.
“Hey, guy!” Kim greeted the guys around the table with a smile before pointing at me.
“This is my sister Y/n, Y/n meet Sam, Jacob, Embry, Quil, Leah, Seth.” Every time Kim said a name a hand shot up with a short “hey” or “hello”. They all seemed like the nice and fun people Kim described them as but wasn’t there supposed to be another guy? If she remembered correctly a guy named Paul was missing from the group but she didn’t press that thought, because soon she was lead to a chair at the table and almost everyone started to fill their plates with food. She had just started to fill her plate too when she heard a voice call out from another room in the house.
“Leave some food for me, you animals!” followed by a warm laugh and footsteps coming closer until a large form filled the door opening on her left. He had broad shoulders, short dark hair, and the most beautiful brown eyes she had ever seen. He hadn’t noticed her yet so she took the opportunity to really look at him, those eyes seemed familiar, he seemed familiar. She had seen him before. His whole being, even his voice made her heart jump in her chest. Then he turned his head and looked straight at her, it seemed like his eyes lighted up in that same recognition, his smile got wider than it already was.
“Hey, you must be Y/n. I’m Paul.” He greeted her before he took a seat on the other side of the table right in front of her.
Then she knew where she knew him from, Paul was the guy from in her dreams. She quickly averted her eyes, afraid he’d notice that she had been staring at him. She quickly looked around her to see if someone had noticed but everyone was having their own conversation, that was until her eyes met those of a smirking Kim. Of course, she had noticed, when Kim winked at her their conversation from earlier sprung in her mind. What if the gods did had granted her wish? Because she was almost sure she had even saw those same eyes a week ago when she was in the middle of her prayer. Could it be that Paul was her gift from the gods, her soulmate?
tags:
@its-la-push
@ghostmistwalker
@bisexualcrazybeans
#paul lahote#paul lahote x reader#paul lahote smut#paul lahote fanfiction#pagan reader#alex meraz#twilight#kim#jared cameron#embry call#sam uley#quil ateara#seth clearwater#leah clearwater#jacob black#paul x reader#paul lahote x y/n
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Ship for @melannie77
I am Melanie and I have a bachelor degree in science . I’m 5’2 and plus size. I’m shy but at the same time I’m blunt and sarcastic. I don’t let people walk all over me. I have anxiety and sometimes panic attacks. I do meditation. I’m learning ukulele. I love to sing (I don’t think i’m that great at it) I speaks French and obviously English. I want to be a school nurse or a teacher. I love traveling, especially backpacking travel. I love learning about culture and language. I’m a geek I love comic book stuff and Star Wars! I play video games. I love watching movies and going shopping!
Extremely sorry for the delay. I really hope you like your ship.
I ship you with Paul Lahote!
As we all know Paul has temper issues due to his past. Buy hold my muffins, the day he met you he promised to be a better version of himself and you always inspired him to do so.
"Babe, so you're basically telling me, that your eyes don't cry after focusing for two hours straight at your physics notes?"
Paul gave a dramatic expression holding those notes pretending they were written in a language he didn't understand.
"Of course not Baby. I love it."
You giggled hugging him after a long day of patrol.
He was so proud of your academic achievements and would constantly praise you whether the achievement was big or not.
"Come on Jared, she got A + in her French exams. The closest thing that we know about that language is croissants which we should accept that we still can't pronounce."
"Sure thing big whipped wolf. "
It's safe to assume that Jared ran for his life after that.
You got to know that Paul really wanted to have a degree and graduate for a better future for you both. He was quite intelligent too but his intelligence sometimes masked due to his anger.
Paul would do anything to make you happy or see that sweet smile knowing your face.He knew you were strong and could fight your own battles but he never let you forget that he always had your back. You understood him like no one did. He knew you spoke your mind and in a way he loved that about you as you always had the exact words to help him with his insecurities, dreams, hopes and of course his past.
"You know Embry says I'm whipped for you but hey, you're all I had ever wanted in my imprint. You might have even tamed me a bit. "
Paul blushed admitting that you had made his like so much better.
"Aww baby. All I can say is you did the same by coming in my life."
You kissed his cheeks, snuggling closer in his arms to keep yourself warm.
He absolutely would loose focus when you were there. Dare anybody say anything to you about your appearance or in general anything which he literally worshiped. You both would go in shopping trips and he would be the sweetest when encouraging you to select clothes you love regardless of what would people say.
"Come on Babe, they are just jealous that you can pull the outfit off in a more stylish manner than they can."
He would love when you wore clothes which showed some skin and those which you pulled off in confidence.
He was a giant compared to you and thus made him fall for you even more. The height difference was huge but that gave him more reason to pull you close.
"Come one babe, you were just looking cute standing there like a little bean. "
"Yeah I won't be a little bean now."
You chased him with a spoon as he had purposely kept the pancake batter on the top shelf. His warm laugh rang in the house as you chased him finally giving up after not being able to keep up with his speed.
He would love to take you hiking to new places he discovered while patrolling. It was the best way you both got some alone time and plus you both loved travelling so it was a bonus.
“ This feels heaven, watching the sunset with you.”
During weekends or holidays I can totally imagine you both snuggling in the blanket with Star Wars on the screen and to your surprise Paul also loving it every time edging on the seat when at action scenes.
“ Babe its ok anyways Kylo Ren kills Han Solo.“
“OMG!! My ears! Why did you tell me that! I was yet to watch it.”
This led to Paul being a grumpy wolf for maximum five seconds because he couldn’t actually stay away from you.
What the Pack thinks of you:
Sam is thankful to you for because of you Paul has gotten better at controlling his temper. He is the biggest shipper of you two in the pack. Emily is always happy to see you and with your help she could finally complete her french course that she couldn’t do. Studying with her is always fun.
Jared is happy that his brother found a person who could make him a better person.
Jake, Embry and Quil are now happy that they can prank him, tease him and still could get away hiding behind you.
Leah is happy to see Paul settle down and be more confident. Seth is the sweetest little brother you could ask for.
All credits to the owner.
I really hope you like your ship.
If not I’ll be happy to reconsider.
Have a great day and stay safe.
Admin T.
#Twilight wolf pack#twilight ships#twilight wolves#sam uley#paul lahote#embry call#jacob black#Quil Ateara#Jared Cameron#leah clearwater#seth clearwater#ship requests
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Terrible to Meet You - A Harry Styles One Shot - Act 4, And love blooms in hearts not fields
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Harry wants to get out of the house. Alex wants to get home.
Alex meets Harry at at crossroads. Harry meets Alex on a one way street.
A coffee shop OU fic feat. lattes, lamingtons & that Great Unfathomable Feeling.
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Story Page Here
Terrible to Meet You Playlists
My Masterlist Here
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7 Minutes
'It doesn't seem like long, but my whole world has changed'
Harry's insides were shaking.
He could feel it vibrating up and down his spine, circling his ribcage and then settling uncomfortably at the back of his throat. The nerves and anxiety sped around his body the closer to the Heathrow they got.
Tears threatened to pierce his eyes each time he looked over at Alex beside him. She was staring out the window saying silent goodbyes to London as they drove.
Harry really didn't understand how this moment came so quickly. He knew that Alex's feelings were as mixed as his. Harry wanted her to go home, she'd been trying all year. Heartsick and homesick, she'd pushed through living on the other side of the world to her family as the world suffered through something horrifying.
After getting the email, her last week in London was bittersweet. It was spent packing up her room and saying goodbyes for the second, third times. Harry helped her organise herself, and then put himself in isolation with Alex for her final 48 hours. She needed to present a negative COVID test to Australian officials before she could fly. Getting tested and locking themselves away together for two days was a special kind of magic, really. They didn't have to share each other.
After Harry, Alex was saddest to say goodbye to The Daily Dose.
She was going to miss Paul. Despite his eccentricities, he somehow managed to always keep the tone light and playful with her, and generally, the days passed quickly. Alex left Sydney for London after a gruelling university course left her feeling unmoored and unsure of herself, her time working for Paul had been an enormous time of discovery and healing for her.
He'd been a source of comfort and support for her, especially in the last year, and he was the shoulder she'd cried on far too often. Alex loved making coffee despite how most people saw the job. There was a satisfaction in the process, even in the daily grind—the cleaning, the busyness, the dead patches—and Alex liked leaving the cafe in the afternoon with the smell of coffee seeping out of her but a clean shop locked up ready for the next day.
She was going to miss that. But at the same time, Alex felt ready to go on and do more with her time now. The university degree hanging in her parent's study didn't feel like a straight-jacket anymore, and she was looking forward to finding work in her field.
London had been home for four years, though. She had many great memories here, not the least of which it was the city she flew the coup and found herself in. And the magic she thought was lost seemed to have redeemed itself in the final months of her being there.
She found herself, and then, she'd found Harry.
&&&
Saying goodbye to Harry was the hardest thing Alex had ever done.
They'd both cried the night before, but when it was time to part at the airport Harry was steadfast in his encouragement of her leaving. (Despite himself) He'd never once said he (seriously) didn't want her to leave, or that she shouldn't. He'd never implied it would spell doom for their relationship. Harry was 100% sure that Alex going back home to Australia was just the next line in their story, and certainly not the last one.
"You get home safely, okay?" Harry told her sternly, holding her face between his hands at the drop-off line. Both their masks were down around their chins, and Harry hated the tears he couldn't stop Alex from shedding, "This is a good thing, Al, you need to be home right now."
"I know," she nodded bravely, frowning as her chin wobbled, "But I don't want to leave—
"Shh, no," Harry shook his head and leaned closer, "You're not leaving me, you're going home.”
"When am I going to see you again though," she cried out, finally giving in to the (slightly) hysterical emotions that were bubbling just below the surface.
Harry's heart rattled watching the wave of doubt hit her. He pressed his lips into her hairline and held her for another long moment.
"You'll see me in Dubai on your stopover," he'd said, rocking her against his chest, his words hurried against the material of her shirt, “You'll land, use the bathrooms, and then FaceTime me. That's when you'll see me next. And then, you'll see me when you get to Sydney and call me again. Okay?
"Okay," Alex parroted quietly.
"Okay … You really have to go now," Harry looked behind her to where the doors to the terminal were.
She nodded and reached up onto her tippy toes, letting Harry press his warm lips against hers once last time. Alex squeezed her eyes shut, trying to hold in tears but also the feel of him. His smell, where his body began and ended, how it measured up next to hers.
Their hearts reached out, trying to feel the other pressing through their chests from the other side. You're mine, you're mine, they said to each other.
"I love you," Harry told her, not for the first time.
Seeing the red wetness around Harry's eyes, Alex threaded her hands through his hair, "I love you, too."
He pressed a quick kiss to her lips again, "Go."
Harry's belief that they were going to be okay was unwavering.
If 2020 taught him anything, the whole world could change in a matter of weeks, so why not the entire outlook of his life as well? Why couldn't his meeting Alex change the course of both their lives moving forward? Something about meeting her felt like a one-time event, like something worth risking everything for. And he would, Harry told her numerous times that last week.
And as she walked away from him and into Heathrow, and Alex believed him.
&&&
Alex cried as her flight landed at Sydney International Airport.
She'd watched the harbour out her window as the plane circled the city, that perfect Sydney turquoise blue gleaming back up at her and it made her chest ache with relief.
Home.
Sydney airport was a stark change from the Heathrow she left behind. Their flight was met by police, abundance and army officers. It wasn't frightening though, Alex found herself swallowing back tears this time because she was so soothed by the fact she was back in Australia. Everyone was friendly and helpful, getting the flight of returning citizens through the airport and onto buses to the quarantine hotels. Alex's drove straight into the city centre and as soon as they started going by familiar places and landmarks she wasn't the only one teary in their seat.
"Well, here it is," Alex said to the phone screen not long after, tilting it around to show off the hotel room around her, "Home for the next fourteen days."
"Snazzy," Harry whistled as she pulled back the sheer curtains to reveal a staggering blue sky and then bright green treetops. He was sitting at his kitchen table with a cup of tea and a drizzly London morning just beginning, "And a view! Is that a balcony? Or a window?"
"A balcony but it's locked. I did get to smell the salty, beautiful harbour in the two-second walk from the bus into the hotel though." Alex settled on the bed in the middle of the room, the bedding crisp and clean underneath her, "I am literally inside this room for two weeks. No outside time. But I can see people outside walking around and having picnics in Hyde Park without masks on, so it'll be worth it."
"That seems unreal."
"It's like another world here," Alex agreed, yawning and finally feeling her body start to relax. "Anyway, how was your day yesterday? Wait, no, today?"
Harry laughed, "You've lost two days, I think. But it was good. I went and saw Paul, we had a cry together."
"Don't," she warned him, feeling the combination of over-tiredness and emotion simmering in her throat, "I've just travelled thirty-six hours, and I fucking miss you already, I'm not beyond completely losing it right now."
He smiled gently, "Have a shower and get into bed. I'm so glad you're there. Does it feel good to be home?"
"So good," Alex admitted, almost feeling like it was a dirty thing to be admitting to Harry, "Jess is going to come and wave at me from the park tomorrow with Noah. My mum's already sent a bunch of food to my room."
"You're exactly where you need to be," Harry told her.
Alex couldn't hold back her tears any longer, the guilt she felt—the pain of leaving Harry—wasn't any match to finally being where she'd wanted to be all year, "Yeah, I am."
&&&
Figure 8
'Lovers hold on to everything'
Four days into her quarantine, Alex started training herself to do headstands.
"It's harder than it looks! But I'm getting there now," She laughed, propping her phone up against the leg of the bed and crawling to the wall opposite. She was now on Day 11, and Harry had been getting an update daily.
"Please don't injure yourself," Harry moaned, getting a great view of her bum as she crouched down facing the wall and then rose up, kicking her legs up with her palms flat on the floor.
"See?" The blood all rushed to her head, and Alex's hair fell down over her face at the same time her t-shirt moved, revelling her belly and bra to Harry.
"Much better than yesterday," he told her, "Maybe tomorrow we could lose the bra?"
Alex laughed, her arms shaking as she came crashing to the ground. She was still working on the landing.
Just as she was about to reply, she heard a knock on the door, "Oh!"
"Dinner?" Harry guessed, watching her leap to her feet and disappear from view. A moment later, her legs walked across the screen, and Harry rolled over in bed to try to rid his phone screen of the glare coming from his windows open to the new London morning. "Oi!"
"Calm your farm," Alex tutted, retrieving her phone and grinning at Harry, "You'll never guess what I've got today."
"Hmm," Harry hummed in mock thought, "Let me guess, chicken and rice. A cookie and a ridiculous allotment of fruit?"
"Two bananas, an apple and four apricots."
"S'practically a fruit basket!"
"Tomorrow I get a glass of wine," Alex was already chewing, "Friday night drinks!"
"Friday date night?" Harry suggested, his fingers twitching with the want to be feeling her body between his sheets again, "You're fun when you're a little tipsy."
"Excuse me, I'm always fun!"
Harry laughed, "I can't believe you're so upbeat still. I'd been expecting a dip at some point. I would think a lot of people don't do so well in isolation for two weeks."
"I've got Australian daytime TV and a boyfriend who sends fun gifts,” she eyed the collection of books and puzzles Harry had organised, “I am looking forward to Sunday though."
Harry couldn't imagine how much Alex was looking forward to getting to see her family and friends when her time in quarantine ended, "Did you get tested today?"
"Yes," Alex screwed up her face, the memory of the swab up her nose still fresh, "Fucking hurt."
"Last one," he encouraged. "What's the first thing you're going to do with your brother when he picks you up?"
She halted before putting the next mouthful of warm, lacklustre dinner in her mouth, "It's supposed to be sunny and warm on Sunday, but I don't get released until the evening. So I think we'll just go to mum and dads for tea. Jess and Matt are going to be there."
"A large gathering in the home!" Harry looked scandalised, but he was smiling.
"I know, it's all very 2019," Alex joked.
Harry let out a long sigh from his chest, "I'm so happy you're there, but I miss you."
"You too," she said quietly.
"Hey," Harry called out, not having meant to dampen the mood, "Three sleeps until you get to meet Noah."
The mention of her nephew made Alex smile, "I'm gonna squeeze him so hard."
"Will you FaceTime me there?"
"O'course," her mouth was full, but she nodded emphatically. "My mum asked if we were going to have live music at all family events now."
Harry's laugh exploded out of him, he liked Alex's family very much already, "Happy to oblige."
"Because of you she's also back on Nathan about giving up the trombone in Year 8." Alex told him, "He was previously the musical hope for the family, but he stopped when the girl he liked at fourteen said she would only date a rugby player … Consequently, that girl is also responsible for how Nathan broke his nose."
Harry could sympathise with Alex's older brother, "We do crazy things for love."
&&&
"Could you say that again?"
"Were you not listening?"
"No I was, I just like hearing it in your accent."
"Harry," Alex complained, "I'm already shit at this."
"You're not!" He insisted, trying desperately to keep the grin at bay.
Alex frowned at him and pulled the hotel duvet up to her chin, crossing her legs and slipping her free arm across her chest. Harry's heart was racing, hearing her talk about how his words were making her feel was incredible. Almost as good as physically having her. Almost.
"Al," Harry stilled at the defeated look on her face. His smile disappeared, "Sorry, I wasn't teasing."
"I'm no good a phone sex, it feels weird."
"I know it does at first," he tentatively reassured her, hoping not to draw attention to the fact that over the years Harry had become sort of good at phone sex. By virtue of necessity, such was his regular travel schedule. "I promise it can be great, and we can only get better at it. You're not no good. On the contrary, I'm enjoying myself very much."
She was finding it difficult. And even more so, trying to learn Harry and what he liked—how his body responded—without actually having his body physically there felt impossible. Phone sex was awkward and difficult, and Alex was more self-conscious then she'd ever been, trying to navigate intimacy with Harry through a phone screen. There was a divide there. He was right though, the undercurrent to what he said was that they'd have to get better, there was no other choice. It was all they had.
"Show me what you were doing," Harry beckoned gently, sensing Alex relaxing back into the moment. "And just imagine I'm there, don't apologise for angles or lighting. I don't care."
It was her last day in the hotel, and Alex had woken up with an ache between her thighs. Harry Facetimed her the instant he got the photo of her lying in the sheets, her torso exposed and wishing for his touch. He'd been sitting at home on his Saturday night, watching the first five minutes of half a dozen things on Netflix yet not finding his mind was able to focus on any.
Alex he could focus on though.
Her five seconds of bravery felt far away now, but Alex slowly pushed down the bedding again, "I was thinking about you going down on me."
Harry smiled, "Go on."
&&&
Nineteen
'I felt you in my life before I ever thought to'
Three months passed.
The dreaded milestone ticked over which meant Harry and Alex had been separated the same amount of time they'd spent together in London.
It hadn't ever felt like this for Harry before.
He'd never known what this kind of missing someone was. Previously, he'd missed people, but not with a yearning or a longing that made his chest ache. Not with the kind of force that had him lying in bed at night unable to switch off the channel tuned to Alex.
What time was it in Sydney? Had he already sent her that link? Did she say she was spending the day with her dad? What could he say to get her back in that bikini from the day before?
Missing Alex felt like having an itch inside his mind he couldn't scratch.
But in a sense, how much he wanted to be with her only made his consequent decisions easier.
"You're hopeless!" His manager laughed him from LA, the whole team on the weekly check-in Zoom call. Generally there wasn't a lot to report between them, projects were on hold or cancelled. Harry had decided not to go back to the States to work on a few smaller things—a fashion shoot, a TV guest appearance and a small role in a film—giving his legal team some work in getting him out of contracts, but that was mostly sorted now.
If he was going anywhere, it sure as hell wasn't across the Atlantic.
"Not hopeless," Harry replied diplomatically, "It's something else … But it's not hopeless. It almost feels like having the answer and being the little kid jumping up and down on the spot, dying for the teacher to hurry up and ask the question."
A series of blank looks came back at him. Harry sighed. He'd never been bad at explaining his personal life before. It was always so rational, the relationships made sense or happened in a usual way. He just couldn’t shake the notion that all along, people had been right.
When you know you know.
He'd found Alex.
That was as simple as it was to him. But it didn't settle everyone else the way it settled Harry.
Alex.
Did the name not tick a checkbox in their heads too?
"So, you're going to Australia?"
"I just want to know what it could look like," Harry amended the assumption, but yes, he was going to end up wherever Alex did, and if that was Australia then that was that.
"Who's in Australia?"
The question wasn't to Harry, it wasn't about who he was going to Australia for., they all knew who Alex was. The question was about the industry—about Harry's career. It was who was in Australia for him to work with? Frankly, he didn’t see why the same people he worked with now couldn’t also be the people he continued working with either remotely, or with short trips abroad when travel allowed.
"Obviously, it's not like everything can be done there," Harry offered diplomatically, "But at least for the foreseeable future, with the world how it is … Music as the primary focus, I want to write the next album there. Spend some time seeing the country too, I've always wanted to."
He got a collection of nods, and a few spoken agreements, assurances that it could work.
"This isn't a temporary thing," he said of Alex, looking at the faces who helped him run his life, "We're going to be navigating this for the rest of my career. So everyone's going to need to add Sydney time to their Clock app."
&&&
When he met Alex, Harry knew.
When he landed in Sydney, Harry knew again.
It was the right choice, it was the right place for him to be. All he wanted was to be moving in her direction; in the same direction as her.
It was warm despite the late hour, the air was fragrant with it, in stark contrast to the London he left behind.
He tried to think back to the last time he’d been in Australia, to what it felt like back then.
If only he’d know then …
Harry opted not to apply for any special considerations or circumstances. He didn't want anything to jeopardise him being able to enter what was likely the world's most difficult country to get into now—especially seeing as Harry wasn't a resident, much less a citizen. Harry didn't want to hit the news. And despite evidence of people he knew in the industry being able to dictate where they quarantined on arrival, Harry requested nothing. He just wanted to fly in, go to whatever hotel they told him to, do his two weeks quarantine and then be with her.
"Have you landed?" Alex's voice was urgent and tinged with excitement.
Harry laughed, "Yes, how do you think I'm calling."
She squeaked, "You're here!"
"I'm here," he smiled under his mask, following the flow of fellow travellers walking through the empty airport, "Who ever heard of an International Airport having a curfew though? The pilot made the joke that if we were projected to land even a minute after 11pm, he'd have to turn around and go back to London. Which was like, a joke, but also not funny?"
Alex chortled, "You'll have to get used to the sense of humour here."
"Hang on," Harry saw a checkpoint of sorts ahead of him, "I have to go. I'll call you back."
"Call me from the hotel," she said, "I love you."
"I love you, too."
&&&
"Go to the window."
“Hi. What?" Harry could barely move his head off the pillow as his eyes struggled to open.
"Go to your window," Alex repeated, "Were you asleep?"
He sat up, heart thrumming quickly at the possibility of what he was going to see. A second before his mind had only barely been able to scramble together the cognitive function to swipe to answer the call.
When he got to the window, Harry pulled back the curtains—he'd ended up at the same hotel Alex had been in too—his room looked out over Sydney's Hyde Park, the fountain and cathedral framing his window. Although his top floor room with a (locked) balcony was a little bigger than hers had been he still felt as if he was living in their FaceTime calls. He was sure he'd become more acquainted with the trees and greenery out his window as the days passed.
"What am I looking for?" He asked, but Harry knew.
"I'm down here, can you see me? Blue jeans shorts … Yellow top? I've got a sign!"
Harry's eyes scanned the footpath opposite the hotel, there was a main road between him and the park. He'd been in the room less than 12 hours though, so he wasn't familiar with the foot traffic.
"I can't… Wait, I see you," his mouth opened in a huge smile, "Hi!"
Harry waved and pressed his hand to the window as his heart waved down at Alex's. He felt like his insides were being swapped around inside him as he took his first look at her in the flesh in nearly thirteen weeks. She had sunglasses sitting up on top of her head and a The New Yorker tote bag over her shoulder. He bit his lip at all the exposed skin he was looking at, feeling it a cruel injustice in the fact he would be touching his girlfriend for a fortnight.
Alex was squinting up at the hotel, one hand to her forehead, blocking the sun while the other held her phone to her ear, "How high up at you?"
"Next to the yellow and red flag," he said, looking for a distinguishing feature. He'd fallen asleep to the sound of the rope flapping against the building.
Alex's voice took a teasing tone, "Oh, who's that sexy man with his shirt off in the hotel window?"
"I can't read your sign."
"I only had a Biro," she lamented, shoving the makeshift sign under her arm, "It just says Hi."
"Hi," Harry leant his forehead into the window, "You look beautiful."
"So do you."
"You going to stand out there for the next two weeks?"
"Would you like me to?"
"Yes, please."
Harry watched her take a step back and lean against the wall to the park behind her, "I'd better get comfy then."
&&&
There was a couple in the room next door to Harry.
"I'm telling you, it's relentless," he implored Alex with his eyes, pausing for a second to listen to the sound of their bed hitting the wall, "They're at it constantly."
"Embrace it, some people are into that," Alex giggled from her parent's kitchen. She was making dinner for the whole family, with her AirPods in and Harry chatting to her as she chopped vegetables. "Let it get you in the mood, Harry. Is that voyeurism, or exhibitionism? I can never—"
"—Okay," He rolled his eyes, "Thank you, Comedian."
"You're just jealous you're not getting any."
"I really am," Harry said seriously, "If I have to wait, so should they."
Alex's laugh filled his ears, "It's alright, less than a week to go now."
"I cannot wait to be holding you," he said, longing in his voice.
Harry had mixed feelings leaving London. He didn't know when he'd be back, but at the very least he was going to miss his first Christmas with his family. With England in lockdown, it was unlikely that even if he had stayed, he would be able to spend it with them anyway, but Harry would miss them. He already missed them.
It wasn't like he missed Alex, though. And in all the conversations he'd had with his mum, or his sister, or anyone else, they'd all told him to go for her. They saw it in his eyes and heard it in his voice when he spoke about her. Or maybe their hearts knew as well, as though Harry meeting Alex had been locked away in them all and now the light to that room was switched on.
So there he was, in Australia. To be with his love.
&&&
Ten Days
'Time has changed nothing at all, you're still the only one that feels like home'
Harry asked the nurse who took his last COVID swab to help him.
He hadn't requested anything up until that point, but he knew, even behind her protective gear, she was a friendly face. And he also knew that there were rumblings online that he was in Sydney. (All those spare and jet lag hours, he'd tried to stay off the internet, he really had)
The good news was it was just rumblings, because why on earth would Harry Styles be in Sydney.
All it would take was one photo to confirm it though, which in a sense, was fine, he didn't care.
But Harry didn't want that photo to be of any of his first moments back with Alex.
Let someone snap a picture in a couple of weeks, on a random beach or coming out of a cafe somewhere. Just not his first day. Not when he hadn't seen her since the beginning of September almost three months ago.
He asked if the nurse could help him arrange Alex for access to the hotel car park because the discharge information pack he'd received directed him to organise pick up on the street.
The next two days went slowly, those final 48 hours, waiting for a negative result and trying like anything to bat away fears that it wouldn't be the same. That somehow Harry and Alex would've lost the something that lit the spark in London.
He hated that feeling—the doubt—and when he confessed it to his sister, she batted it away as nerves. She said life was always full of uncertainty and risks, the idea was to choose the ones you thought were worth taking.
&&&
Alex stared at her legs as she sat, waiting for Harry in her dad's car.
It hadn't taken long to get the colour back to them, although mostly she was fixated on how she should have dressed a little nicer for the first time seeing Harry in months. She didn't even have proper shoes on, just the thongs that she'd kicked off the night before after coming back from the park with the dogs.
Harry hadn't seen this side of her. This casual, probably more Australian sounding Alex. The one with bare feet and sunglasses holding her hair back. He'd met her family over video calls, but what would Harry think when he was in a room full of them? They were loud and could have distasteful senses of humour. There were family jokes that Alex had never thought twice about before but now worried Harry wouldn't appreciate.
She'd slipped back into the comforting hum of life in Sydney so easily. Her friends, her family, her city. When she left Sydney hadn't felt like home, but as soon as she stepped back into it something in Alex let out a sigh of return. It was strange, leaving London just at the end of the summer months and falling straight into the beginning of a new summer here.
In front of her, Alex sensed movement. The door she'd been instructed to park in front of opened, and a very tall man in an army uniform stepped into the underground car park, propping open the door with his foot. He pointed to Alex in the front seat and said something to Harry, who was the next person to appear, followed by a nurse in full PPE.
Alex felt an explosion in her chest, an electric shock or a bolt of lightning. Two hearts jumping up and down in excitement.
She cracked the car door open and heard Harry thanking the two people escorting him, his hands moved as though they were itching to add a handshake to the gesture.
As soon as Alex was in his eyesight though Harry didn't think about anyone else.
She emerged and hovered by the front of the car, waiting for Harry to approach her, as if unsure what she was allowed to do. The sight of her in an oversized hoodie and small athletic shorts warmed him instantly. She looked perfect, with a tan that evaded her in London and a brightness behind her eyes Harry was addicted to already. He liked the thought that he was an errand, that picking up her boyfriend was on a list of things for her to do that day. The word 'normal' flashed in Harry's mind, and any worry he'd had about her or him or them together being different from how he remembered it disappeared.
"Hi," he smiled wide as he tugged down the mask covering his face and stepped right into her personal space, his bag and suitcase abandoned behind him.
Speechless, Alex breathed Harry in deeply through tears as she was tightly wrapped up in his arms. She couldn't bring any words to the surface, and so they just stood in silence, holding each other.
After a moment Harry turned his face into her neck and pressed a slow, warm kiss below her ear, "Hello, hello, hello," he said between kisses.
It only made Alex's crying increase, and she squeezed him tighter while leveraging herself higher up his body, not yet willing or able to step away.
"Alex," Harry said her name gently, "Let me see you, please."
She leant back but covered her cheeks with her sleeves, peering over at Harry through blurry eyes, "Wait a sec."
He smiled and pulled her hands away by her wrists, "Give me a kiss."
&&&
"You're such a tourist," Alex laughed as she drove, watching Harry lean forward in the passenger seat and try to take a photo through the windscreen of the Sydney Harbour Bridge above them.
"You know bridges are my passion," he said dryly.
She smiled as he sat back and slipped his hand back into hers.
"I quite like you driving," Harry said, eyeing her in the drivers' seat, "Look at you knowing your way around."
Alex grinned under her sunglasses, "We're in my city now, baby."
&&&
Harry's mouth hovered hotly over the skin below Alex's breasts.
"Harry," she ran her fingers through his hair, hating the anticipation.
His lips upturned at the impatience behind her saying his name. He pressed a kiss to the skin there, then another half an inch further down her tummy, "M'not in a hurry."
"I am," Alex urged.
"Oh?" Harry stopped and looked up at her, his elbows on either side of her hips as he held himself over her, "You are?"
"Yes."
"Going somewhere after this?"
She whined, whined, "No, Harry."
Alex hadn't taken him home to her family. Not yet.
She drove an hour out of the city to a beach suburb with what Alex had deemed the nicest Airbnb. It was private, and without Sydney's usual cohort of international tourists, the area was deserted except for locals. They could hear the ocean from the bedroom and see if from the kitchen. She'd booked them two nights; two nights to reconnect and just live in the presence of each other without her family stepping in and inevitably stealing Harry's heart.
(Except, of course, it was Alex's heart who has his, all this time)
"Look at you, fuck," Harry said, tilting back up to take her lips in his, pressing his torso, his thighs, his stomach, his hardened crotch into her. "Fucking gorgeous."
"We can do slow later," she all but begged, her fingers digging into his exposed back, "Please. Just … Just please, Harry."
Alex felt his hand brush over her thigh, deliciously trailing over the sensitive skin just below her hip bone and down between them. His eyes dipped down between them only briefly before Alex was feeling the tip of him pressing into her exactly where she needed it.
"Yes," her body relaxed into the feeling, remembering the London nights, the mornings and that first time in his living room.
"Alex," Harry said her name like he could hardly believe it, and at the same time as wanting to savour the moment he was thinking of their first, hurried time as well. His hips snapped forward, remembering that time the rush came from wanting to taste, to experience something new and to have Alex's body for his own the first time.
The urgency behind Harry's movements this time were for want of something had and sorely missed, something already claimed but given up for a time.
Alex's head was stretched back onto the pillow underneath him while she felt her body shift and squeeze around him. She wrapped her arms around his chest to feel him closer, wanting to hold onto him as he pumped in and out, sighing against her neck, trying to regulate himself.
"God, Al."
"Harry."
&&&
Four nights later, tucked into the spare room at her parent's house, Harry rolled over and took her hand.
"I think we should get a place here."
"A what?"
"A flat, a house, we should rent something in Sydney."
"Sydney?" Alex's tone elevated, almost touching the spinning ceiling fan above them.
"Yes, Sydney," Harry repeated, "You mentioned a job you liked the look of a few weeks ago, did you apply for it? "
"But what about London? That's where you live, God, what about your work, Harry."
"I want to be here, I'm not in any hurry to go back to what normal was. Normal didn't have you," Harry said, throwing out the script he'd built in his head the last month. His heart was doing the talking, extempore, "I've watched you this week, Alex, it's like you're a whole different person here. You're so happy and settled and joyful, which, by the way, I already thought you were but here … Do you really want to go again? Could you leave your family again?"
Alex felt her chest going into overdrive like everything was whirring around too quickly. She felt had to be honest, though, despite the way it made the fear climb further up her throat, "No. I don't want to leave."
Harry brought her knuckles up to kiss, "I don't want you to leave, either. So, what if we stayed? For as long as it's where you need to be?"
"But your family—
"—Doing this means one of us is always going to be away from someone," Harry told her, "I can handle missing my family, Al, I can't handle missing you. You're it."
"It just seems like too much to ask you to do, Harry."
"You're not asking," he insisted. "I can figure out how to work from here. London was my home base, I spent a lot of the year away anyway. And it's not that much further to LA for stuff, I … I'm saying I can make it work here, Alex. I want to make it work with you."
Alex's heart did a cartwheel, "You want to stay in Sydney?"
Harry's somersaulted, "I want to stay with you, yes."
The End.
&&&
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Thanks for reading, everyone! x Kate
Tag list: @afterhoursharry @beautifuleclipses @bumbershots @coffee-doodle-doo @decadentdonkeyflowerzonk @elemayox @ficsthatmakemeswoon @finelinesupremacy @greatestview @hatnightin2008 @ifiwereaboy2323 @ihearthemcallingforyou @just-damn-bored @kakaym @kara-246 @lifeandsomethingelse @luminescencefics @micurq27 @miorni @monpetitchouchou16 @morethanamelodyy @piawhat @rubytersteege @staceystoleyourheart @stepping-into-the-light @steppingonoranges @stylesfics-xx @stylishmuser @toalltheboyswhowastedmytime @tpwkhoney @ursamajor603 @veryplatoniccircunstances @wanderlustiing @whatevarandomlygoes
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#fic: terrible to meet you#fic#harry fic#harry styles fic#harry styles smut#1dff#harry styles imagines#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles story#harry styles long#hs fic
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tower of nero spoilers
i have just finished the tower of nero. and before i go searching for other people’s thoughts and art and more of the characters i love so much, i want to write down some of my own thoughts because i know as soon as i delve into that ‘ton spoilers’ hashtag there are going to be complaints and criticisms and so much that i don’t want to hear, or essays that’ll make me upset, or things that’ll change my perception on the book (because on this website people really love to hate the trials of apollo).
i want to start with: i loved it. it didn’t feel earth-shattering or huge and momentous like some of my favourite riordanverse books (house of hades, the blood of olympus, the last olympian and maybe some of the magnus chase books take those pedestals for me) but it was satisfying. and i think it was satisfying because it in no way felt like an ending. whether because eventually rick will write that will-and-nico-go-through-tartarus-and-save-bob novella, or because we (or at least i) will continue writing and imagining and creating for this world i don’t know. he didn’t wrap up the story in a perfect little bow like ‘nineteen years later’, he simply put it on pause. gave us a glimpse of where every character was at at the end.
the only thing that makes me so angry and upset is that i did manage to get some spoilers for moments that i know would have been so good to experience for the first time if i hadn’t been spoiled for them. the moment where rachel mentions penguins in a mansion near her house, nico getting mental health advice from mr d, the fact that will and nico were going to be in the book for so much of the story, but the big thing was literally spoiled for me two days ago, it was the reason i sat down to read it as fast as possible because i was terrified of getting more spoiled and not being able to experience the moments for myself, was that piper had a girlfriend. i know that reading that for the first time would have been so cool and surprising, and the fact that when it came up for a moment in the last couple pages all i felt was disappointment because it was spoiled for me and because it was now tinged with whatever that person was saying about her having a girlfriend.
but i still had some warm fuzzy moments, the two parts where apollo thinks he’s going to die but nico comes up behind him - so good. impeccable.
Leader Guy spat. ‘Now, I kill you.’
He raised his sword... and froze. His face turned pale. His skin began to shrivel. His beard fell out whisker by whisker like dead pine needles. Finally, his skin crumbled away, along with his clothes and flesh, until Leader Guy was nothing but a bleached-white skeleton, holding a sword in his bony hands.
Standing behind him, his hand on the skeleton’s shoulder, was Nico di Angelo.
and
Nero raised his hand, ready to give the kill command, when behind me a mighty BOOM! shook the chamber. Half our enemies were thrown off their feet. Cracks sprouted in the windowsand the marble columns. Ceiling tiles broke, raining dust like split bags of flour.
I turned to see the impenetrable blast doors lying twisted and broken, a strangely emaciated red bull standing in the breach. Behind it stood Nico di Angelo.
gods. poetic brilliance. i can’t believe i’m still a nico di angelo stannie in the year 2021. in five years i have not changed (ever since the tv show announcement last summer i have managed to morph into myself from 2017)
from here i’m not sure where to go next i kind of want to go through everything, except it’ll be more difficult than my tyrant’s tomb reaction because i wasn’t reading on a kindle and thus can’t just do funny little reactions to screenshots of quotes, so i’ll just skim through the book page by page and see what i can comment on (i’m not planning on doing analysis today, no thank you, just enjoying the end of my childhood and trying to squeeze as much out of it as possible)
i have an emotional attachment to mr. snake from the very first chapter, and am very upset that he’ll never get off on his baltimore stop and get to see his wife, lu had no reason to shoot and kill him like that.
that brings me to lu, i liked her, it was interesting to see how rick kind of brought in not only the overarching theme of abuse, but also people who let the abuse happen, i have more i could say on this i’m too lazy to right now, and i promised no analysis - or the fact that Lu had conspired to make the show non-lethal to spare Meg’s feelings rather than - oh, I don’t know - refusing to do Nero’s dirty work in the first place and getting Meg out of that house of horrors.
And are you any better? taunted a small voice in my brain. How many times have you stood up to Zeus?
Okay, small voice. Fair point. Tyrants are not easy to opppose or walk away from, especially when you depend on them for everything.
the parallels to meg and lester heading to percy’s apartment, and then to camp half blood to the hidden oracle was so cool to read, every callback to the hidden oracle just there to remind us readers exactly how far apollo has come and how he’s changed; the entire chapter with sally, paul and estelle just felt sickly sweet, it just didn’t seem real how wholesome and good that family is, like i get why apollo broke down and just sobbed in that shower.
also rick really saying acab again in toa, i thought he was done after that elf cop chapter in magnus chase (the magnus chase series is a masterpiece) but apparently not, with A ‘good cop’ is still a cop... still a part of the mind game.
the grey sisters, i forgot about them completely but this threw me back into was it the sea of monsters when annabeth summoned them? i’m not sure, it could have been the lightning thief either, they really remind me of the disney hercules movie. the whole ganymede paragraph was gold, i love gods being canonically confirmed lgbt in the riordanverse. i also love the whole eye-tossing part -
‘He will crush our eye,’ Anger cried, ‘if we don’t recite our verses!’
‘I will not!’
‘We will all die!’ Wasp said. ‘He is crazy!’
‘I AM NOT!’
‘Fine, you win!’ Tempest howled.
also, the explanation for why dionysus chooses to look the way he does was perfect, because it was something i often wondered about and wasn’t expecting to get an explanation for, and i imagine the whole mythological dionysus to look like.. well like a more feminine apollo i guess, beautiful in a gender non-comforming way.
Other Olympians could never comprehend why Dionysus chose this form when he could look like anything he wanted. In ancient times, he’d been famous for his youthful beauty that defied gender.
...
In retaliation, Dionysus had decided to look and act as ungodly as possible. He was like a child refusing to tuck in his shirt, comb his hair or brush his teeth, just to show his parents how little he cared.
every scene with nico at camp just BREAKS ME, i would throw in screenshots of every damn quote but unfortunately, as said above, cannot and would rather not type every one; we’ll start with, obviously apollo confirming to him that jason is dead.
He didn’t look angry exactly. He looked as if he’d been hit in the gut not just once but so many times over the course of so many years that he was beginning to lose perspective on what it meant to be in pain. He swayed on his feet. He blinked. Then he flinched, jerking his hands away from Meg’s as if he’d just remembered his own touch was poison.
ugh then will talking about how nico’s doing, confirming that he’s suffering with ptsd, mr d giving him advice, helping him sort though what voices in his head are real and which ones aren’t, then the paragraph that just recounts every horrific thing poor nico has been through, how will has to reassure him that he’s okay and ‘with friends’ when he wakes up after shadow travel
will’s kindness to apollo, buying him clothes, and apollo finding seymour the leopard’s head in his bed, put there by mr d aaaa AAAA A A A A A THE ORDINARY, EVERYDAY CAMP HALF BLOOD THINGS..
i could go on for years and years about how much i appreciate rachel having a big role in this book, and the visit to her apartment, everything, her art, the fact that she got what she wanted, she’s going to PARIS to study ART, she isn’t forced to be someone she’s not by her dad, and gets to be a big part of a demigod mission and not stand on the sidelines for once.
i love that her landscapes are still visions, that she still paints the quests demigods go on - the burning maze, jason’s funeral pyre, caligula’s ships; and how nico ~appreciates art~
‘And, hey, di Angelo -’ she pushed him playfully away from the canvas he’d been ogling - ‘don’t brush against the art! I don’t care about the paintings, but if you get any colour on you, you’ll ruin that whole black-and-white aesthetic you’ve got going.’
i. love. rachel.
WILL GLOWS!! THE HEADCANONS FROM LIKE FIVE YEARS AGO THAT YOU’D SEE FLOATING AROUND ABOUT HIM MANIPULATING LIGHT!! CONFIRMED!! CANON!! AMAZING
I AM OBSESSED WITH THE TROGS, I LOVE THEM, THEY ARE GREAT, not gonna lie, i was expecting something more dramatic and spooky with how worried will was and how dionysus was going.. visiting the cavern-runners isn’t ♫ good for your mental health ♫ but the little hat frog gremlins were a good addition. i like them very much and their funky little soup shenanigans. quoting the ghost king himself: trogs good. nice hats. (IM SORRY I KEEP MENTIONING HIM BUT I JUST) also how apollo starts wishing for breadsticks a s ajoke and theY STRAIGHT UP HAVE BREADSTICKS? HUH? WHERE DID THEY GET THE BREADSTICKS FROM??
yeah, i’m also still very much upset by every mention of jason grace, it’s funny how ever since his death in the burning maze i have grown to love him more and more and that’s not fun for me, for that boy to become one of my main comfort character’s and have his death and sacrifice and nobility mentioned every few chapters. i’m pretty sure i cried when he appeared to talk in apollo’s dreams, and this time the tears weren’t from the effort of keeping my eyes open and working for hours straight reading this book (i remember staying up until 2am to finish the sequel to beautiful, broken things, it was very much worth it)
‘All right, Jason. We miss you, though.’
ALSO. THE FACT THAT THIS KID. THIS CHILD. HAD TO THINK ‘BUT IF A HERO ISN’T READY TO LOSE EVERYTHING FOR A GREATER CAUSE, IS THAT PERSON REALLY A HERO?’ A KID ISN’T SUPPOSED TO THINK ABOUT THAT AND BE READY TO SACRIFICE THEMSELVES FOR THE GREATER GOOD,, i,, ugh,, he’s supposed to be finishing school and designing temples not being the perfect hero and soldier,, spain without the s,,
as @couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name said: ‘thinking about how ghost! Jason didn’t seem to understand why Apollo was so upset about his death because he’s been raised to believe a hero’s sacrifice is noble and his life doesn’t matter in the grand scheme and also if he doesn’t understand why the person who watched him get horrifically killed is so torn up over his death he probably doesn’t even realize his other friends are grieving him..’
IM SO UPSET THE ARROW OF DODONA IS DEAD D: IT WAS ONE OF MY FAVOURITE CHARACTERS ALL THE FUNNIEST MOMENTS WERE BECAUSE OF THAT ARROW AND IT'S DEATH WAS SO SAD WTH LIKE WE FIND OUT HOW USELESS THE ARROW FELT AND HOW THE GROVE OF DODONA ALL THOUGHT IT WOULD BE CRAP AND WOULD FAIL APOLLO AND THEN ONCE WE FEEL BAD FOR IT, IT DIES??
the entire python battle was pretty grim, there is a part of me that's like because this is the last book series i would have loved say the magnus chase and kane chronicles gang in a giant battle with everyone like the battle of manhattan but even more dramatic, but even so, i did appreciate that python battle and the whole almost-falling-into-the-depths-of-tartarus thing.
him talking to artemis was cool, but JESUS: 'I turned and strode out of my room, trying to recall how the god Apollo walked.' like that HURTS. it was such a huge culture shock for apollo to go throught this huge character arc and be so human and understand the pain of others, to be around gods again who are so.. apathetic. also, zeus. 'Interesting how he put that: I had done him proud. I had been useful in making him look good. My heart did not melt. I did not feel that this was a warm-and-fuzzy reconciliation with my father. Let's be honest: some fathers don't deserve that. Some aren't capable of it.'
OKAY OKAY SO THE END?? CHIRON TALKING TO A CAT (BAST) AND A SEVERED HEAD (MIMIR) ABOUT SHARED PROBLEMS WITHIN THE PANTHEONS!! WILL AND NICO RECEIVING A PROPHECY FROM RACHEL TO GO TO TARTARUS AND SAVE BOB!! THE HUNTERS OF ARTEMIS, INCLUDING THALIA AND REYNA BEING BEST FRIENDS (qpr.. qpr..) HUNTING THE TEUMESSIAN FOX!! PERCY, ANNABETH AND GROVER, THE ORIGINAL TRIO, GOING ON A CHAOTIC ROAD TRIP TOGETHER!! - SO MANY STAND-ALONE SET -UPS PFSJSJSJ
okay quick word on the reunions at the end: funny little elephant visitation program with livia and hannibal. love that for them. calypso and leo's relationship seems rocky and complicated, but that's to be expected, i think even if they do get properly back together again it might not last long, because it does pretty much feel like a teenage relationship where the two aren't very compatible, but we'll see. hazel and frank are so funny with their gold plated necklaces. lavinia - tap-dance icon. almost cried at the mention of jason's temple-extension plan again. percy not being sure about what he wants to do in college is accurate and i like that that's left to be up-for-interpretation (rick does THE MOST for the fanfic writers pfsjsj). i am OBSESSED with aeithales, like i hate deserts so the burning maze setting is not my favourite but GOD that HOUSE, the vibes are off-the-charts. i'd love a house made of living trees that's also a greenhouse filled with dryads. meg gets a unicorn. that is so great.
i kind of wish the book hadn't ended with 'Call on me. I will be there for you.' because every time I imagine the friends theme song and i don't think that's the vibe he was going for, BUT i do love him talking to meg, that was genuinely emotional - 'You'll come back?' she asked. 'Always,' I promised. 'The sun always comes back.' ; i really wish it had ended with that, but i guess apollo does tend to break fourth walls and talk to the readers, like a lot of the protagonists of riordanverse books.
#the tower of nero#tower of nero#tower of nero spoilers#the tower of nero spoilers#nico di angelo#rachel elizabeth dare#will solace#jason grace#apollo#trials of apollo#the hidden oracle#the dark prophecy#the burning maze#the tyrants tomb#percy jackson#annabeth chase#grover underwood#lester papadopoulos#meg mccaffrey#dionysus#piper mclean#hazel levesque#frank zhang#reyna arellano#thalia grace#leo valdez#calypso#brooklyn house#original content
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His scenes are basically unwatchable at this point. They are bizarre, the writing is insufferable the acting is after school special level and if genuinely don't understand what they are doing with any of this. It's actually misery porn and twitter seems to agree.
I didn’t think the acting was bad in today’s episode so much, or maybe Danny’s ‘over it’ style works for this because Aaron just looks done in and exhausted during that whole fight with Liv, which fits the situation. And I do feel bad for him. His life is literally awful right now.
He’s stuck in a house with his alcoholic little sister who hates him. He’s got no friends. He’s got a boyfriend who his mother seems more into than he does and all she does is gush about him and push them together. Not to mention said boyfriend is currently lying to him for unknown reasons. He’s also cut himself off from the Robert situation out of fear and stubbornness. He’s so isolated right now and it’s just sad.
And you wonder if there’s a purpose to all of it or if the writing is just that bad. Certainly with the Ben stuff. Will this “relationship” ever make sense or will it just coast along until…who knows what. Will the drunk man story actually be interesting? Who knows.
But also the Liv stuff. What is their end goal there? Do they have one or will this just be another story that drags on until it’s just over and everything resets with no lasting consequences?
I was thinking about Aaron’s post Jackson guilt and self destruction and the unhealthy relationship he had with Hazel afterwards. Whatever way you feel about Jackson or the assisted suicide story, certainly the whole aftermath is significantly better storytelling than this Paul aftermath stuff. I mean I didn’t watch it in real time so I don’t know how I would have felt with it dragging on or whatever but I feel like there were enough different stages of it that it didn’t feel totally repetitive. There was the murder trial and then Aaron wanting to be punished and being reckless and then the exhaustion part of it and then we got to the cutting. And even after that you had Hazel putting all her focus on him and trying to get him to go traveling with her.
I think the difference also is that I felt bad for everyone involved. For Jackson it was tragic, for Aaron I was heartbroken for him and for Hazel too. Whether you like Jackson or not, he was very much a loss in their lives. That was Hazel’s son and Aaron’s first love. Plus, even though Jackson wanted that, Aaron still gave him the drink. It was a purposeful thing. He did end his life for him. And Hazel had to deal with the fact that she couldn’t do it.
With Paul, I was happy he was dead, in part because I just hated the character and the story was awful but also because he was a terrible person. Even though I understand there are complicated feelings there, Vinny was self aware enough for long enough that I couldn’t deal with his denial or guilt over it all so I just didn’t care. And same goes for Liv. She wasn’t going to be able to get him out. He’d literally just been attacking her. If she didn’t leave when she did, she would have died too. So even though I understand what they’re doing, I don’t connect with her guilt in the same way. So on top of all of that indifference, we have to endure this alcohol story which, in some ways I’m glad they’re revisiting because they did a terrible job the first time, but also it’s just so cyclical this time around, I’m tired of it. She already reached rock bottom and apologized and was going to try and get sober. And sure she might struggle with that, but instead they just set her back to square one by having Mandy come around and yell at her and having Aaron ignore her for Robert problems. And now it’s like “what is the new rock bottom? Where do we go from here?”
With post Jackson Aaron, it was a new way for Aaron to deal with his pain vs the retread for Liv. And so we got to see the basics of the cutting being discovered and Chas trying to understand it and him eventually going to counseling and getting healthier. But even so with Hazel still around, he couldn’t fully move on so he had to ask her to go traveling without him and they eventually parted ways knowing that they were both never going to be able to move on from their grief if they stayed together.
So I just wonder what the end point is for Aaron and Liv because we’ve been here before, almost exactly with that prison visit fight and Liv talking about the break up. And now here we are again with her calling him self centered and hating him and they just have this terribly unhealthy dynamic where they’re too on top of each other and in each other’s pockets. Liv can’t handle it when Aaron’s depressed and Aaron can’t handle it when Liv is like this. They don’t know how to help each other without it just consuming them and ruining them. And even when things are okay, Liv is pushy with him and he’s too overprotective with her. It’s bad. So to me the logical endpoint of this is them taking the space they both need.
But yeah, I don’t know where Ben fits into all of that or where one of them would go if they moved out or how the Vinny and Mandy of it all wraps up either. I just need there to be a point to all of it and not for things to just end and reset.
This is very long and rambly I apologize. Basically, I agree that it’s misery porn but so was the Aaron stuff after Jackson but that managed to be well written and go somewhere and if all of this current Aaron/Ben/Liv stuff going borrow a fraction of that quality and actually go somewhere, I would be grateful.
But…you know….extremely low expectations.
Also….for the love of god get Aaron a friend so he can talk to someone other than Ben and Chas.
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Julie Mehretu, Untitled 2, 1999. Private collection. Courtesy of White Cube. © Julie Mehretu
Julie Mehretu, Hineni (E. 3:4), 2018. Centre Pompidou, Paris, Musée national d’art moderne/Centre de création industrielle; gift of George Economou, 2019. © Julie Mehretu. Photography:Tom Powel Imaging
Julie Mehretu, Mind-Wind Field Drawings (quarantine studio, d.h.) #1, 2019-2020. Private collection, courtesy Marian Goodman Gallery New York/Paris. © Julie Mehretu. Photography courtesy Marian Goodman Gallery
Julie Mehretu, Mogamma (A Painting in Four Parts) Part 1, 2012. Guggenheim Abu Dhabi. © Julie Mehretu. Photography: White Cube, Ben Westoby
Julie Mehretu, Conjured Parts (eye), Ferguson, 2016. The Broad Art Foundation, Los Angeles. © Julie Mehretu. Photography: Cathy Carver
Julie Mehretu, Migration Direction Map (large), 1996. Private collection. © Julie Mehretu. Photography: Tom Powel Imaging
At home with artist Julie Mehretu
CAMILLE OKHIO - 25 MAR 2021
Julie Mehretu speaks with the joy and conviction of someone who has had the freedom to investigate all their interests. Curiosity has led her to the myriad topics, objects and moments that inform her work, among them cartography, archaeology, the birth of civilisation and mycology. Since the 1990s, her practice has expanded outwardly in all directions like a spider web. A lack of understanding and preconceived notions among reviewers have often led to her work being flattened – simplified so that it is easily digestible – but in reality, her work is far from a simplistic investigation of any one topic. It encompasses multitudes.
The artist’s recent paintings are mostly large scale, but her early works on paper (often created with multiple layers – one sheet of Mylar on top of another) are as small as a six-inch square. The works often comprise innumerable minuscule markings – tremendous force and knowledge communicated through delicate inkings and streaks. Their layers reveal, rather than obfuscate. And though Mehretu’s creative process springs from a desire to understand herself better, the work itself is in no way autobiographical.
Born in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia, on the tails of a continental rejection of colonialism, and raised there, then in Michigan, Mehretu has a flexible and full-hearted understanding of home. It is not one physical place, but many, all holding equal importance. On 25 March, Mehretu will present her first major retrospective at the Whitney Museum of American Art, with works spanning 1996 to 2019. The institution is an important one for Mehretu, as it played host to several pivotal shows in her youth.
Her exhibition has served as an impetus for Mehretu to look back at her already prolific career, observing and organising the thoughts, questions and answers she has put forth for over two decades. The six years it took to bring this exhibition together proved an incredibly valuable time of reflection, fatefully dovetailing with a year of quarantine.
Wallpaper*: Where are you as we speak?
Julie Mehretu: I’m in my studio on 26th Street, right on the West Side Highway. I’ve worked here for 11 years.
W*: Are there any artists, writers or thinkers that have had a meaningful impact on you?
JM: I don’t know how to answer that because there are literally so many! It’s constantly changing. Right now, Kara Walker, David Hammons, William Pope.L, and younger artists like Jason Moran (who has made amazing work around abstraction). There are so many artists that have been informative and important to me: Frank Bowling, Jack Whitten, Caravaggio.
I also look at a lot of prehistoric work, from as far back as 60,000 years ago, as well as cave paintings from 6th century China and early prehistoric drawings in the caves of Australia.
W*: What’s the most interesting thing you have read, watched or listened to recently?
JM: For the last few weeks I’ve been immersed in Steve McQueen films. I’ve been bingeing on lovers rock music. And a TV show that really moved me was [Michaela Cole’s] I May Destroy You. It’s difficult, but it was really well done and powerful.
Ocean Vuong’s novel On Earth We Are Briefly Gorgeous is amazing. The Mushroom at the End of the World by Anna Lowenhaupt Tsing is a really incredible book too – she studies this mushroom that became a delicacy in Japan in the 7th century. It started growing in deforested areas – it’s in these places destroyed by human beings that these mushrooms survive. [I find it interesting] that this mushroom grows on the edge of precarity and destruction. Like with Black folks, there is a constant aspect of insisting on yourself and reinventing yourself in the midst of constant effort of destruction.
W*: What was the first piece of art you remember seeing? How did you feel about it?
JM: One of the first times I remember being moved by a work of art was looking through my mother’s Rembrandt book. We brought so few things back from Ethiopia and that was one of them. [Particularly] Rembrandt’s The Sacrifice of Isaac. That story is so intense. I was so moved by the light and the skin and the way the paint made light and skin.
W*: Do you travel? If so, what does travel afford you, and what have you missed about it during Covid-19?
JM: I travel a lot, but I haven’t travelled this year. There has been this amazing sense of suspension and a pause in that. I miss travelling, but going to look at art, watching films, reading novels and listening to music is the way I travel now. For instance, I’ve been listening to Afro-Peruvian music and now I want to go to Peru.
Before I know it we will be back in this fast-paced, zooming-around environment – there is something I want to savour by staying here, now, in this time and absorbing as much as I can.
W*: You are said to have a vast collection of objects and images. Walk me through your collection – what areas, materials, makers and things have the largest presence and why?
JM: When you enter our home there is this long hallway. Framed along the wall we have around 20 fluorescent Daniel Joseph Martinez block-printed posters he made with words – almost poems. Our kids grew up reading those. One says ‘Sometimes I can’t breathe’ and another one says ‘Don’t work’, while some are really long.
We also have a great Paul Pfeiffer photograph of one from the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse series. We have a group of Richard Tuttle etchings right over our dining table. We have an amazing David Hammons body print as well, and my kids’ work is all over the house.
W*: As the daughter of immigrants and an immigrant yourself – how do you conceptualise home and how do you create it?
JM: There were a lot of times I felt very transient – as a student and a young adult, going in and out of school and residency programmes. It always came back to music and food. There are certain flavours, foods, music, smells that you take wherever you go. Also as a mother, I’m building a home for my children. Home becomes something else because of them. They are the core of home now.
W* How has motherhood affected your practice?
JM: I became much more productive when I had kids for several reasons – one is that I felt a lot of pressure to make [work] in the time I wasn’t with them, which of course is unsustainable. A large part of making is not making – thinking and searching.
When I got to work I could get into it much more quickly. Kids grow and change so fast, you feel time is passing so you need to use it. I wasn’t going to stop working, that’s for sure. All women who are pushing in their lives make that choice.
W*: What is your favourite myth and why does it hold importance for you?
JM: Right now I’m reading Greek myths to my ten-year-old. We’ve read them before, but he wanted to read them again. I still read to him at night even though he’s a voracious reader himself.
The myths I remember the most are myths I’ve come across in visual works. Titian’s Diana and Actaeon – I know that myth so well because of his painting. Bernini’s mesmerising sculpture of Apollo and Daphne I saw in Rome, where her body becomes a tree. The leaves are so delicately carved into the marble, it’s a work of incredible beauty. I’ve been considering this deconstructionist approach to mythology. Storytelling becomes this place to interrogate propositions, which is what I think mythology does.
W*: Have you experienced a flattening of your work?
JM: I’m always concerned with flattening and pigeonholing. That is something that happens to artists like us all the time. When I first was working and showing there was a bit of that happening with my work. It was put into the space of cartography or an architectural analysis of it. It was said to be autobiographical work.
The art world tries to consume. There is this desire to flatten and the desire for Black artists to be a reflection of their experience. I don’t think any artist is like that at all. In reality, none of us are flat. We all contain multitudes and are complicated – that has always been the core of the Black radical tradition.
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Technically No | Jacob Black x witch!Reader | Twilight/Buffy the Vampire Slayer Crossover| 1
jacob is over 18+ in this as well as reader! It's also a slight modern au because technology makes life easier man. And no I don't know what timeline this is. It's after Jacob phases and before Buffy dies again. So you might see Glory in this. Also it’s under a cut because this introduction/beginning is super long.
"Did you make it okay?" Buffy asked over the phone.
"Yes, Buff. I'm in my new house. I am going to my new job Monday" (Y/n) said with a soft sigh as she leaned against her new counter, having just moved from one small town to the other.
Sunnydale to Forks.
"Good. I'm glad you are safe." (Y/n) smiled a small yet sort of sad smile at the prospect of leaving the scoobs but there was a job offer in Forks that was just to good for her to not take and she was damn lucky to find a house for rent. She wondered if it was haunted. Not that was a big deal for someone who went to high school on top of a literal hellmouth.
"How's Dawny?" (Y/n) also knew that Dawn's first day back to high school was coming up as well as Buffy's first day of college for the year. "And did you get your course schedule yet?" She stated sitting in the empty living room floor eating her favorite fast food meal. Her moving truck wouldn't be there with her stuff for at least another day or two.
It wasn't exactly a house full of stuff yet, of course. She had just gone from living with her parents to on her own within a flash it seemed. It was as if the universe was pulling and placing her right in the middle of now where Washington.
"Yeah but I didn't get some of the courses I wanted. Have to try next semester." She sighed over the phone. Was it normal to talk to someone you had just left the day before as if you hadn't seen them in months? Maybe not but a lot was happening as the end of summer was coming to fruition. "Dawn is excited to go back to school"
"Interesting... She wasn't yesterday." Buffy sighed over the phone as her friend teased her. "Oh! So I'm going to try to get some essentials tomorrow!" She said suddenly remembering what she called Buffy about in the first place. "What color do you think I should decorate my kitchen in? Green? Red?" Buffy almost laughed again at one of her closest friends.
"You'll know when you actually go to the store. It's not like I can see the house." "Not yet! But you all are going to come visit me some day!" She laughed a bit. Her phone buzzed at her to charge. "Hey... Buffy. I gotta go. Phones is dying. Tell Willow and everyone I miss them."
"Will do." With that, the phone was hung up and placed on its charger.
(Y/n) sighed picking up her trash and began the work to make the floor as comfortable as possible until she could actually buy a decent bed.
--
The next morning, (Y/n) woke up at a fair hour for a Saturday and took a shower. It was nice to wash out some of the travel and sleep stink off before she slipped on her clothes for the day. Then she went to grab her phone as well as keys and her wallet. There was no way she could sleep on the floor for one more day and eating fast food everyday wasn't exactly a healthy option even if she did just arrive in town.
Sure she was still tired from the plane ride but she would stay tired. She need to find at least an air mattress. The car ride was short, it was nice. Familiar. It wasn't a huge change from one small town to another... Minus the demons and vampires. She hoped. It was simple enough to find the small plaza that had a few small shops and even a diner within walking distance of each other.
It was not even remotely difficult to find the things she oh so desperately needed. It was wonderful. (Y/n) was even able to add to her growing collection of magical artifacts when she stumbled into an antique shop. She thanked the gods that her family had loaned her a bit of cash to help her get by until she was fully working again.
Her day was going great... That was until she was hit with pangs of hunger. 'Did I even eat breakfast?' she asked herself before glancing at the time and gasping. She had been out a lot longer than she had realized.
Didn't she see a diner? She walked to her rental car and started a vague drive. Ah-ha! There was a diner.
She pulled in and was seated quite quickly. It wasn't long before her meal was ordered and her attention was drawn to her phone as she waited. There was a text message from Anya complaining about an argument she and Xander were having. (Y/n) laughed softly before responding with her opinion.
While she was distracted she didn't notice the small group enter. Especially a young man who had a slight staring problem. His eyes were locked on (Y/n) as she fiddled around with her phone. The young man was known by most as Jacob Black. A good kid who was madly in love with Bella Swan, his childhood friend.
"Jake... You okay?" Bella another member of the small group asked with concern on her face. An older man in a wheelchair who was previously chatting with the other older man in the group looked at the one named Jacob. A small knowing smile flashed over his features as he looked at his son.
'It's about damn time' Billy the man in the wheelchair thought. "Jake!" Bella's voice called him again, finally snapping the dark haired young man from his thoughts.
(Y/n) who was finally served food sat her phone down finally not even noticing the set of eyes on the back of her head.
"Is she-?" Bella whispered to Jacob just low enough for her father to not hear. "I... Think so... I think..."
"Son..." It was Billy who joined the conversation. "If you don't go talk to her... I will." Jacob's eyes went wide. How embarrassing would that be? His dad talking to his imprint before he could.
Jacob looked at the girl happily eating her dinner and playing around with her technology. Then she giggled. Oh God.
How could it be that just the day before he was trying to convince Bella not to turn into a vampire? That he was so madly and so deeply in love with the vampire girl that he defied Sam his pack leader for turn into dust and be replaced instantly by a young woman he hadn't even spoken to?
Jacob was so distracted by his thoughts he barely caught his father moving to go introduce himself. "No, wait. Dad. I'll go." He quickly stood up and wandered over to the table nervously. What was he going to say? What if she didn't like him? What if he said something dumb?
"Hey I'm Jacob." He said awkwardly, causing her to jump from what she was doing. Her face scrunched up in confusion before she finally looked up. Their eyes locked and it felt like everything stopped. Her heart beat hard against her ribcage at the very tall and dark haired man before her. "You looked lonely. Uhm. I know we just got here. But..." What was he doing? Inviting her to sit with his dad and his dad's best friend for dinner? That's weird isn't it? Especially since he was going to have dinner with a girl he was in love with.
"I'd love to join you." Why did she just agree to crash someone else's dinner? It looked like a family affair of sorts. "I'm (Y/n)!" She suddenly remembered her name. It felt like her face was on fire. He shifted from slightly nervous to having a large smile on his face. How sweet.
He even helped by carrying her stuff to the table. "This is my dad Billy. His friend Charlie and his daughter Bella." Jacob introduced allowing her to sit down. Something in the back of her mind told her that this was weird.
Something was off.
It felt... Magical. She knew magical.
But then Charlie began to talk about how he was a sheriff and the weirdness seemed to disappear. "So...where are you from?" Charlie asked trying to judge if this new girl was going to cause him trouble later. "Oh. Sunnydale," she paused. "California. Also graduated from Sunnydale high." She explained with a small smile.
Maybe it wasn't so bad joining their little dinner. It was nice having people to talk to, especially when one was so new. "What do you like to do Jake?" She said looking over at him before taking a bite of food.
"Oh, uh. I buy and flip cars right now. It's more of a side hustle really." He smiled at her. "Really?" She said with a smile on her lips. "Because the car I'm in is just a rental... If you find anything good will you think of me? I can't pay the rate they are wanting forever." She joked, gently and playfully touching his arm.
It was like fire. Both literally and figuratively. If it weren't for the people she could almost throw herself at him. But then his skin was so hot that it almost burned. "Absolutely." Jacob smiled. "What's your phone number?" He looked almost like a puppy who was just given a treat. She took his phone and put her number in and he sent her a text. A wolf emoji.
Her eyes looked him over again. Then the phone in her hand began ringing. She answered it quickly, it was the moving company.
Jacob watched as she excused herself to talk to whoever. Her once happy self was instantly deflated. Jacob did not like that at all. He felt it. He actually felt the sadness in her. Is this what it was like to have an imprint? Actually feeling their pain? She walked back in and sighed.
“Are you okay?” Jacob asked with what (Y/n) could only describe as genuine concern.
“My moving truck is going to be late. On Monday while I’m at work instead of on Sunday.” She shouldn’t be so easy to talk to someone she had only known for 20 minutes. Jacob didn’t like the look on her face one of distress.
Jacob looked her over again, hardly getting tired of looking at her face. “I have some friends on the Res. Maybe we can meet them. Help you out..” Jacob offered without a second thought.
“Really?” she looked at him unsure at first.
Jacob nodded, a bright smile on his face.
“O-okay” She agreed.
a/n: Stopping this one here and writing part 2 next. If I didn’t this would be 3000 words. Don’t worry I’m literally going from posting this part to writing the next bit because I already know what I’m going to do. Then I’m going to write a Paul version of this.
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Marvel’s Loki Episode 5: MCU Easter Eggs and References
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This article contains Loki episode 5 spoilers.
Marvel’s Loki episode 5 is a big one. Yes, we know…last week felt like that. And the one before it, too. But this one really IS, with the entire episode taking place (as DoG’s Kayti Burt put it) on top of a literal “trash pile of MCU and Marvel Comics Easter eggs.”
With that in mind, let’s have some fun with all the incredible Marvel references they managed to sneak into Loki episode 5.
Journey Into Mystery
You probably already know this, but Journey Into Mystery was the book that first introduced the Marvel Comics version of Thor, with Loki following shortly after. The title eventually was just renamed Thor since the Asgardians had become the primary focus of the book for years by that point. However, Journey Into Mystery was revived a few years back, with its primary focus being on the adventures of Kid Loki this time around.
Thanos Copter
The Lokis pass a helicopter with “THANOS” on the side. This is a reference to Spidey Super Stories #39 from 1979. The all-ages comic featured a story of Spider-Man and the Cat (Hellcat) taking on Thanos, who was on the hunt for the Cosmic Cube. He flew around New York City in his own helicopter with his name on the side. The reference comes up as a joke here and there, including an issue of Deadpool. Even Thanos’ giant two-sided blade weapon from Avengers: Endgame has been considered by many to be a sly reference to the Thanos Copter.
Ecto-Cooler
While the Lokis are all drinking wine, Kid Loki is shown drinking Hi-C Ecto Cooler. The Slimer-based citrus drink was a tie-in to The Real Ghostbusters cartoon of the 1980s and lasted into 2001 due to its popularity. Afterwards, it became a fondly-remembered relic to time. Ecto Cooler made a brief return in 2016 to coincide with the Ghostbusters reboot. Sadly, there’s no news of it coming back for the upcoming Ghostbusters: Afterlife movie.
Speaking of Kid Loki…
Kid Loki
Kid Loki seems to be wielding a flaming sword, which looks an awful lot like Laevateinn, the sword he wielded in the Loki: Agent of Asgard comics.
Polybius
In the background of the Lokis’ lair, we see a Polybius arcade machine. Polybius is a long-running urban legend. Supposedly, back in 1981, an arcade machine was set up in Portland, Oregon, watched over by various men in black. The game was so addicting that it caused fights to break out and horrible side-effects to its players. We wrote more about the decades-old mystery of Polybius right here.
Pretty sure there’s an old Williams Space Pinball machine in there, too but that’s not as wild as Polybius.
The Void
Fittingly, the realm where all the pruned victims end up is called the Void. In the comics, the Void is a dark, inexplicable, and possibly biblical entity that acts as the evil side to the Sentry. During the storyline Siege, the Void murdered Loki, which facilitated his rebirth as Kid Loki.
Alioth
Alioth first appeared in Avengers: The Terminatrix Objective #1, the same 1993 comic that also introduced Ravonna Renslayer to the world…and one that features Kang as its central villain. Hmmmm…
Oh, and Alioth was co-created by Mobius M. Mobius inspiration/model Mark Gruenwald, who gets another shout later in the episode.
Vote Loki
The “politician Loki” who we see leading (inasumuch as they can/want to be led) the loose coalition of Variant Lokis is modeled almost exactly on the version of Loki from Marvel’s Vote Loki story by Christopher Hastings, Langdon Foss, and Paul McCaffery. In it, Loki ends up running for President, with his ridiculous campaign built on the “honest” deception of openly lying to the American people inadvertently aided by a credulous news media. It’s a good read and you should check it out.
This episode also engages in the old MCU/Star Wars tradition of someone getting a hand cut off…in this case it’s our pal, “Vote Loki.”
Frog Thor
A frog resembling Thor is shown in a jar labeled “T365.” Wouldn’t you know it, Thor #365 is the issue where Loki transforms Thor into a frog. Yes, it was a whole thing. Walt Simonson’s run on the Thor comics is really spectacular.
“Frog Thor” also got a mention in Thor: Ragnarok, during the “play within the movie” seen as “Loki” apologized to “Thor” for turning him into a frog.
You know, there’s even an independent wrestler with a Thor Frog gimmick. Life is beautiful sometimes.
Classic Loki
So it appears that Classic Loki is basically what would have happened if “our” Loki survived the opening of Avengers: Infinity War, which he did by allowing Thanos to kill a duplicate while he disguised himself as some debris. Classic Loki went into hiding and developed a taste for brighter greens and yellows, and aged into Richard E. Grant, before he was pruned by the TVA and found himself here in the Void.
Classic Loki’s line about “the god of outcasts” comes from 2019’s Loki #5, by Daniel Kibblesmith and Andy McDonald:
“I am Loki. God of outcasts. They see themselves in me. And I in them. All of us, alone together. It’s why my stories always end with someone trying to put me in a box. And begin with my spectacular escape.”
Later in the episode, Classic Loki and Kid Loki literally “exit stage right,” in what feels like a very deliberately “stagey” moment that plays on the Shakespearean overtones of all of this.
The Living Tribunal
On the ground in the Void there’s a large severed head…and it’s that of The Living Tribunal, a cosmic entity created by Stan Lee and Marie Severin back in 1967. The presence of a Living Tribunal (even one who is dead at this present time), whose entire purpose for being is predicated on the existence of a multiverse, means that the TVA is trying very hard to cut all ties and any evidence of the fact that the multiverse is already out there.
U.S.S. Eldridge
The USS Eldridge was a real Cannon-class destroyer in the U.S. Navy in use from 1943 to 1992. It was supposedly sold for scrap after it was decommissioned but Loki posits that perhaps it was an unwanted Variant in the Sacred Timeline. Perhaps this is because the ship was rumored to be subjected to the “Philadelphia Experiment” that was supposed to render it invisible to the human eye. The story is sadly probably a hoax.
There’s a not exactly great 1984 movie called The Philadelphia Experiment which adds time travel to the equation, making this little callback even more Loki appropriate.
Is That Stan Lee?
At about 9:38 there’s a mural in the TVA headquarters. On the right there’s a guy in prescription shades, with a familiar moustache and salt-and-pepper hair. We’re not saying that’s Stan Lee, but…
The Castle
Yes, we know, that ominous castle sure looks like Doctor Doom’s home of Doomstadt, but…it’s probably not (or is it?). More likely, this is Castle Limbo, home of Kang the Conqueror (or…is it?).
We unpacked these possibilities some more here.
The Music
The “heroic Loki” theme at the end sounds like it’s about to break into Wagner’s “Ride of the Valkyries.”
Speaking of, the regular Loki theme is very similar to the part of the Delfonics “Ready or Not Here I Come (Can’t Hide From Love)” that was sampled for Missy Elliott’s “Sock It To Me.” The original (also sampled for the Fugees’ “Ready or Not” and Dr. Dre’s “Still D.R.E.”) was about the inevitability of love, and Missy’s song was about sneaking into somebody’s house to get your back blown out, so basically the same thing. Could have some bearing on Loki and Sylvie’s story.
The music that plays during the “Loki brawl” is this show’s equivalent of Scooby-Doo chase music. That’s a good thing, by the way.
Pixar, is that you?
Was that the Pizza Planet truck? Mobius’s ride, a station wagon with a slice of pizza on top, immediately brought to mind the popular Pixar easter egg/elaborate timeline mcguffin that has appeared in every Pixar movie to date. Also, very nice touch having Lightning McQueen himself drive it.
An even nicer touch is the license plate on the car Mobius is driving: GRN W1D. As in “Gruenwald.” As in (say it with us, kids!) Mark Gruenwald, the Marvel writer and editor who Mobius is based on.
Ant-Man
At one point on the ground in the Void we can spot a gigantic Yellowjacket helmet. Yellowjacket is the codename for several size-shifting superheroes in the Marvel Comics, but is best known to MCU fans as Corey Stoll’s Darren Cross from the first Ant-Man flick.
Guardians of the Galaxy
There’s lots of crashed spacecraft, one of which kind of looks like the Dark Aster (Ronan the Accuser’s ship in Guardians of the Galaxy), and there may be a Helicarrier hanging around. There’s also a flying saucer that vaguely resembles the ship from John Carpenter’s The Thing, and a pirate ship that if Doctor Doom were actually the villain of this show (he isn’t…or…is he?) would make us think of that character’s very first appearance in Fantastic Four comics, where he sent Ben Grimm back in time to become Blackbeard. No, really.
Miscellaneous Time Variants
The fate of the Lokis is reminiscent of What If? #12, otherwise known as What If the X-Men Had Stayed in Asgard? At the end of the story, after tasting defeat yet again, Loki begged Those Who Sit Above in Shadow to allow him to rule Asgard. They agreed by sending him far into the future at the end of time. As reality started to break down, Loki went out laughing in the face of oblivion.
The bus ad at the beginning is for Calum Ross, who is an editor on the show.
The shot of all the Lokis walking as the camera swoops overhead is very much reminiscent of Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings movies.
Loki and Sylvie are cold in The Void. But wait a minute, aren’t they both Frost Giants? Why then would Loki conjure a green blanket? Unless he wants a convenient excuse to cuddle up with his Variant…
Loki is drinking “RoxxiWine” pinot noir…out of a box…which is a nice touch.
Is that weird, very large plant in the bowling alley hideout supposed to be a Variant Yggdrasil? Or wait…what if that’s Plant Loki?!? He’s green, isn’t he?
Next to Alligator Loki’s kiddie pool there’s a copy of The Mystery and Lore of Monsters, a 1930 book by Charles J.S. Thompson.
The tower we all keep thinking is Avengers Tower is in fact Qeng Tower, the headquarters of Qeng Enterprises, the company that Tony Stark (mistakenly) sold the old Avengers tower to in the comics.
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Spot anything we missed? (Probably, right?) Let us know in the comments!
The post Marvel’s Loki Episode 5: MCU Easter Eggs and References appeared first on Den of Geek.
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Incalescent- Chapter One
Pairing: Paul Lahote x Fem!OC
Summary: Em just wants to be loved and have a family for once in her life. But nothing has ever gone right in her life before so why should it now?
Word Count: 7.3k
Warnings: some violence and shitty writing
A/N: Listen, I don’t think I’m a good writer so bare with me this could be terrible! Let me know what you guys think of it!
People say the only thing guaranteed in life is death but for me that's a lie. I had only been on this earth for twenty-three years and I knew death would never come for me, at least not a natural one. The only thing guaranteed for me was the all consuming loneliness and disappointment that seemed to only get worse as each year ticked away.
Sometimes it would hit me that this was my life forever. The thought alone could suck me into a blackhole of despair, my chest tightening and my lungs fighting to get oxygen. I was thankful this never happened in front of anyone, I could always pull myself out of it before I had to explain anything to my dad.
My father was just as tense as he usually was with his hands gripping the steering wheel, driving us to our new home. I had lost count over the years how many times we moved, it felt like so many that it would be impossible to even count to the number anyway. With every new place we moved came even more distance between us.
Nothing was ever the same, the only thing the same was my father. He hadn’t changed at all since my first memory of him, no wrinkles on his face or grey peeking through his carefully coiffed hair. He was the reason we had to move all the time, he had been doing so for about three hundred years before I made my appearance in the world. After being in the same town for a couple years, people began to question how he never seemed to age, coupling that with the uneasiness people felt around him we always had to move.
Keeping our secret was the only way to survive in the world. We wanted to be civilized, living in a house, having a job or in my case continuously going to school and hunting animals instead of humans. We had met others like us, more so like him, over the years of us traveling the world and they were practically unhinged. They never seemed to care about human life, their beady red eyes darting around looking ready to drain every last drop of an innocent without a second thought.
Meeting other vampires were few and far between, thankfully. My father always made sure to sniff out the town, literally, before moving to it. Vampires who had red eyes were very territorial, their hunting grounds not something to mess with. Even with us explaining we didn’t hunt humans they wanted nothing to do with us but it was fine because we didn’t want to deal with them either. It had only happened twice when I was still little and my dad had moved us to a new town right away.
I understood why we had to move all the time, especially lately with how me and my dad looked the same age. There was no way he could pass for more than a few years as my dad and even that was pushing it. I just didn’t understand his intolerance of me, he tried his hardest not to talk too much with me or have a deeper relationship that I had seen other fathers have with their daughters. Years of my life I felt had been wasted trying to get him to do anything fatherly with me, I had never even heard him say ‘I love you’ to me.
“We’re almost there,” He muttered quietly to me, if I didn’t have vampire hearing I wouldn’t have caught it. I side eyed him and found he was looking at me wearily, his dark golden eyes became emotionless once again after a minute. I pulled my cardigan tighter to my body and crossed my arms, letting out a small huff. As we passed by a sign that said ‘Welcome to Forks’ it began to pour, loud booms of thunder piercing through the otherwise quiet car. Times like this reminded me that I was half human, everytime the weather even became the tiniest bit gloomy I began to get a severe migraine.
The whole area we were driving through seemed to be nothing but trees. Huge, drooping trees that were being weighed down by the pouring rain. Rain pelted the car, having not once let up since my father had announced that we were close to our destination. Thick moss covered huge boulders that lined the sides of the road. Deer seemed to be in abundance, practically lining the trees just inside the tree line.
Bright red leaves caught my eye once we pulled down a new street. The only color besides green I had seen for miles. The tree the leaves covered was huge and almost hid the whole house behind it. The tree was semi wrapping itself around a telephone pole. The trees color contrasted heavily with the plain white house behind it and the surrounding greenery. To the left of the massive red tree was an even bigger green one, a few branches so weighed down with water that they were almost touching the ground below.
“You can stay in the car if you want,” My dad mumbled to me as he shut off the car. He got out and cold wind whipped into the car before he could close the door. I pulled my cardigan tighter to me again and watched him as he walked toward the moving truck I hadn’t seen before. There were two men standing outside of it, soaked from the rain, waiting for him. They exchanged some brief words before opening the back of the truck and climbing on to begin getting stuff out.
I tried to play around on my phone while they moved our stuff into the house but nothing was interesting. Every article was just another reiteration of the same few stories that had gotten big the past week and I had already read into them. This week I knew far too much about some youtuber who had put out toxic makeup, next week would probably be the same. Endless stories about useless things I used to fill any void I felt.
My eyes lifted from my phone to see my father single handedly carrying in a huge recliner as the two movers stared at his retreating back in awe. The two of them exchanged a look and shrugged, silently agreeing neither of them get paid enough to question it. They moved box by box and pillow by pillow and were done in record time. My father was handing them a tip as one of the movers bravely asked how my dad was able to lift things that were so heavy and move so quickly.
He chuckled lightly and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand nervously. Then he muttered something about having a daughter who didn’t want to move in the first place, so he wanted to get it done as quickly as possible. The two movers looked over to me as I sat in the car and nodded in agreement with my dad as they probably noticed the irritation on my face.
The two movers said goodbye and got into their truck and took off down the road. Each turn of the tires on the truck made a wet, crunching sound as they pulled off onto another street and out of view. A gust of chilly wind flowed through the car when my dad pulled open the driver seat door to reach in and grab his bag. He said nothing to me as got his stuff and the car keys, slamming the door and marching his way into the house. I watched as the door closed behind him with a small clicking sound.
The rain and my headache had lightened up a little bit but they were both still annoyingly there. It seemed that I had spoken too soon because just as I decided to get out of the car and go inside the rain began to pelt the car harder and searing pain shot behind my right eye and to the back of my head. A loud crack of thunder sounded across the sky, shaking the ground slightly and making me wince in pain. Gritting my teeth I got out of the car and ran through the rain to get inside.
The front door opened to reveal a narrow hallway and a bulky staircase to the right of it. I could see into the living room just to my left from the front door. My dad was already putting together the TV and wifi, kneeling in front of the fireplace mantle that had our tv displayed on it. He was muttering to himself about how technology these days was useless and combing through different wires he had in a box. Even with his advanced senses he had difficulty with today's technology, which didn’t make sense to me because he had been alive for over 300 years and watched as technology progressed.
“Do you need help?” I asked him, setting my bag down on the couch across from him. He shook his head and didn’t bother looking up at me. “I guess I’ll go set up my room a little bit and take a nap, I have a killer migraine.”
“Sure,” he muttered, pulling the wires out of a box and trying to untangle them. I watched him for a minute, waiting for him to maybe say more to me. Or maybe show that he cared even a little bit about me. Watching him became awkward and disappointing quickly so I grabbed my bag and ran up the stairs two at a time. The door at the top of the stairs was open and I could see my stuff all piled around the room, I hadn’t seen the house beforehand so he had just assigned me a room.
It wasn’t a bad choice on his part, it was the master bedroom with an en suite. When you first walked in the first thing you would see was a huge picture window with a window seat attached to it and a small bookshelf under the seat. To the left was my bed and to the right was a wall covered by a bookshelf and the door to the en suite.
My mind wandered to all the different things I could do with this room to try and make myself feel at home. I took out some decorative pillows and a couple throw blankets and threw them onto the window seat. The next thing I did was put my bed together, throwing on my favorite blue sheets and quilt set.
The distraction of arranging my room took my mind off the weather and my headache, during which time both had gone away. Though my mood and the weather were still gloomy it was nothing compared to earlier.
My body felt heavy as I got some sweats out of one of my clothes boxes and pulled them on. The freshly made bed in front of me had never looked more inviting so I climbed in and wrapped myself in the quilt. I wasn’t one who usually fell asleep quickly but as I yawned and snuggled closer to my pillows I knew it wouldn’t take long today.
I shot awake what felt like two minutes later, sweat beading all over my body. My breathing my heavy and uneven, the quilt I had wrapped up in now at the end of my bed having been kicked away during my dream. It was the same dream I always had when we first moved to a new town, yet I never expected it.
There was a woman, completely and utterly starved. Her eyes were sunken in and surrounded by the deepest black, worse than any black eyes I had ever seen. Her lips were chapped, white pieces flaking off here and there with deep splits in them covered in dried blood. Her hair was the same color as mine except hers looked like it was covered in dust.
The clothes she was wearing were stained in blood, some fresh and some all dried up. Her chest didn’t move up and down with every breath, she was still. There was no sign of life left in her
Someone was screaming her name in the background, managing to choke it out between sobs. You could hear the endless chant of “Mary, please don’t!’ and “Mary, please stay with me!’ but there was nothing else the person could do, her eyes were blank as they stared ahead. Whoever she was she was gone and not coming back.
I pressed the palms of my hands to my eyes and tried to calm down. The dream felt like a memory, a distant one. This dream came around all the time but I couldn’t place who the woman was, I couldn’t recall that I had ever seen her. A few years back I had even tried looking up what dreams meant but came up short.
Taking a deep breath I realized my dad was cooking something downstairs, the scent of garlic was now making its way into my room. I didn’t want to think too much of it but he never usually cooked for me since he doesn’t eat. He would go out and hunt his dinner while I stayed home with stolen blood bag and whatever I decided to cook for myself.
I got out of bed and followed the scent down into the kitchen to see my dad leaning on the counter while something was cooking on the stove. He had a small piece of paper in his hand and he was staring at it, a look of grief on his face. He was so distracted by whatever the paper held that he didn’t know I had come downstairs and almost jumped when he saw me. He shoved the paper quickly into his back pocket and went back to the stove.
The only sound in the kitchen was the popping of the food he was cooking. We didn’t say a word to each other as I went to sit at the island in the middle of the kitchen and watched him cook.I had caught him a few times looking at what I assumed to be the same paper, him never telling me what it was. I noticed the piece of paper sticking out of his jeans so I leapt up from the table and trying to go as fast and as quiet as I could I went to grab it.
My success was short lived because just as I got a hand on whatever it was he had his hand around my wrist stopping me. He had turned around so fast, his senses alerting him to my movement practically before I even decided to do it. That was the trouble with being on half vampire, you were barely half as powerful as a full one.
“Em,” he whispered, with a threatening hint to his voice. I stared at him for a minute, my chest heaving as I decided on what to do. Without hesitation I threw my head forward, every negative thing I had pent up coming out in this moment for no reason. My forehead hit his mouth, hurting me more than him but taking him by surprise. The paper was still pinched between my fingers, his grip loosened on my arm and I spun around looking down at whatever the paper was.
“Mary,” I gasped, recognizing the woman on the paper. She looked much better here, her bright eyes not sunken in and her hair was exactly like mine, shiny with life. She was smiling widely, her nose crinkled as she laughed at whatever the camera hadn’t captured.
“How do you know her name?” My dad asked gravely from behind he. For some reason his words came out breathless though he had no reason to breathe, he didn’t need to. Slowly I turned around to look at him. My brain was going over every possible answer to who she was, trying not to go to the one I was dreading.
“I-I dream about her sometimes,” I whispered to him. He looked crazed, his eyes wide and darting from my face to the picture in my hand. I looked away from him and down to the picture again. There was no getting around it, this could’ve been a picture of me if I had ever been given the opportunity to laugh.
“Mary’s your mother,” He stated, his voice no longer breathless. He had straightened his posture when I looked back up at him. He was now glaring at me, disgust written all over his face. The woman in the picture that I had been dreaming about for years was my mother? He had never once talked about her. I didn’t even really know the concept of having a mom until he put me in school and I saw that everyone else had one and when I asked him about my mom he always ignored me or told me not to talk about it.
“You’ve never…” I let my sentence trail off. He wouldn’t talk about her with me and yet he kept a picture of her that he looked at all the time.
“You killed her.” He spat at me and I froze looking at him through the corner of me eye but not directly. He had backed up into the hallway and out of the kitchen. Whatever he had been cooking was now burning and sending smoke through the house.
“No, I-,” I cut myself off, my eyes darting around trying to remember more of the dream. How could I have killed my own mother? She had never been there and I could remember further back than a human could, I could remember practically back to when I was still a tiny newborn.
“When she was pregnant you sucked the life right out of her,” He explained quietly and when I finally looked up at him with tears spilling down my cheeks he looked like he regretted bringing any of it up. My stomach lurched and my chest tightened thinking of it. I had killed my own mother?
“I don’t…” I tried to start another sentence but they weren’t forming. Realization rushed at me so fast I almost fell backwards, I ended up stumbling back a couple steps before stopping myself. I suddenly felt this hatred bubbling up inside me, I hated everything about my life before and now I could feel hatred for myself. I shouldn’t exist, a human and a vampire shouldn’t have made a child. A killer.
“Em, I don’t know what else to say,” my dad mumbled suddenly closer to me. He ice cold hands gripping my upper arms. My eyes met his sorrow filled ones and tears continued to pour from mine.
“I get it now,” I whispered, shrugging out of his grip. I set the picture down on the island before slowly walking toward the door. Everything in my life suddenly made sense and even though I had clarity I felt no better. I felt worse. My dad looked at me as I slid the backdoor open and turned around to gaze into the backyard.
“That’s why you don’t like me,” I said quietly, as I looked toward the sky. It was pitch black out and rain was falling so heavily I don’t know how I didn’t hear it before. The sky lit up as a flash of lightning struck across the sky, followed by thunder so loud it shook the house and even made me stumble a bit. I looked back at him before continuing to speak. “You hate me because I killed her.”
“Em-” I ran out the back door before he could finish. My clothes became soaked almost immediately, sticking to my skin as I ran as fast as I could through the forest. My bare feet went numb from the cold and I couldn’t feel the ground underneath me but I didn’t care, I kept running as fast as I could.
My mind was reeling as it made sense of everything. My dad not taking an interest in having a relationship with me make complete sense to me now. He hated me for killing the woman he loved even though I didn’t do it on purpose, I never would. I was half vampire but I couldn’t bring myself to kill a fly, let alone my own mother.
I heard a loud scream and was startled before I realized it was me. While I ran my body vibrated with anger, nature seemed to agree with me as lightning started to strike more frequently and closer. This was going to be my eternity, wandering the world by my dads side while he hated me. I let out another scream before I could even stop myself. A loud crack of thunder shook the ground I was running on at the same time.
Ahead of me was a river so I tensed my body and made my legs push me off the ground as hard as I could. I flew through the air and just as I was about to land on the other side a big mass of fur came out of nowhere and knocked me backwards into the rocky river. As the mass knocked into me I had felt something sharp pierce my right calf. My body turned as I fell and slammed into jagged rocks. My whole right side getting scraped up and my head hitting hard. My breath hitched in my throat as the pain coursed through my body.
I rolled off the rock and into the water, it wasn’t deep but if I laid my head back too much it would be completely submerged. A sob loudly broke from my chest as I used my left arm to try and pull myself up. I couldn't stop my crying but something had just attacked me and I wasn’t going to die this way. My right leg was ready to give out from under me, a huge bite mark was present, most of my pant leg torn away. As I stood and blinked my eyes to clear my vision the huge mass of fur was making its way toward me. I stood completely still, frozen to my spot as I realized what it was.
A huge wolf, at least 5 times the size of a regular wolf was stalking toward me. His silver/grey fur gleamed in the moonlight. I dared a glance up at the sky, the clouds were parting letting the moon peek out. When had it stopped raining?
“Go ahead and kill me, that’s I deserve,” I sobbed out. There was no way this wolf understood me but he was going to kill me anyway so I might as well make it therapeutic for myself. “I shouldn’t even be alive, I killed my own mother. I deserve to be torn apart, my father would love it.”
The wolf stopped walking toward me and cocked its head to the side. The wolf looked to be examining me, his eyes roaming my body and stopping to look at each gash on my right side. When our eyes locked I could’ve gasped, they looked human. The raw emotion coming from them was unbelievable. He looked as if he was in awe as we stared at each other. Underneath the awe was complete sadness, like he understood what I had been saying.
I didn’t want to risk moving and startling the wolf so I stayed as still as I could but my legs were beginning to shake, ready to give out from how much pain I was in. I could feel the blood dripping down my face, neck and arms from all the gashes I had sustained slamming into the rock. My right arm couldn’t move, whether it was broken or just knocked out of the socket I didn’t know and I didn’t think I’d find out since the wolf in front of me was probably planning on having me for dinner.
After a minute my legs gave out and I collapsed to my knees, clutching my right arm as I went. Hot, fat tears rolled down my cheeks knowing the wolf took this as a surrender and was probably gearing up to eat. When I caught his gaze again there was even more emotion than before, he looked undeniably upset. Sadness and anger all mixed into one. He took several steps back and let out the loudest howl I had ever heard and ran up the rocky cliff and disappeared into the woods.
My whole body relaxed when he was gone from view but that was short lived because the pain I was feeling before was nothing compared to what I was feeling now. Struggling through the pain I began to inch forward, using my left arm to pull me up the rocky embankment. Before I was even halfway up I heard someone coming down, it wasn’t a wolf this time. Warm arms wrapped themselves around my body and pulled me up gently.
“Are you okay?” The person carrying me asked. My eyes were closed as pain coursed through my body. I would heal quicker than a human but I couldn’t escape the pain. I nodded in response to the stranger and let my body relax in their arms. He was warmer than most humans I had met, the warmth strangely comforting as he walked through the woods.
“We should get out of here quickly,” I mumbled, sounding very tired. “There was a really big wolf and it’ll probably come back for us.”
He chuckled, his chest rumbling against my body. “We’ll be fine.”
Despite knowing better I kept going in and out of consciousness. My eyes not opening even once to look at the man helping me. My mind not even questioning how he was so strong and warm or how he was able to navigate the pitch black woods as a human without enhanced vision.
Before long I regained consciousness a little and felt myself be laid down on something soft, I could hear voices around me talking but wasn’t aware enough to decipher words yet. I felt a warm, wet cloth on my feet, someone was washing them very gently and muttering something as they did. Before long the cloth was on my face and neck, cleaning up the blood that had probably caked my skin.
“She’s healing really fast,” A voice murmured to someone, different than the voice of the man who had carried me to wherever I was. I felt small, warm fingers prodding the skin of my arm and shoulder. “The injuries she sustained from hitting the rock are practically gone. The bite mark you gave her isn’t though.”
“Maybe she’s a wolf too since her healing is incredibly fast,” the voice was female and very beautiful. The words flowing out of her mouth like a song. I was comforted by the fact that it was a woman cleaning me up and not another man.
“She looked scared when she saw me. If she was a wolf she would’ve phased to protect herself,” another voice said, the same one of the man who carried me here. There was a murmur of agreement between the three voices. The man who carried me here sounded like he was saying that he was a wolf and that would explain the emotion in the wolf's eyes but that wouldn’t explain his existence. But who was I to say anything when my father was a vampire and I was half.
“We’ve dealt with vampires and werewolves before, who’s to say there aren’t more supernatural beings out there? When she wakes up we can ask her but until then she needs her rest, she’s been through a lot.” The female voice was back, taking control of the situation. Her small hands stopped examining my wounds and left my body to be replaced with a blanket.
I wanted to open my eyes and start explaining myself to them and thank them for helping me but I was beginning to drift off again. It took my body a lot of energy to heal, sleeping it off was always my best bet. Before I could even begin to argue with myself that this might not be the safest option I was asleep.
My senses were in overdrive as I came too a while later. I wasn’t even fully awake, my eyes cracked open just slightly as I leapt off of the couch. My feet hit the floor and a shooting pain went through my right calf and up my body, almost making me fall. I was breathing hard as I tried to concentrate and gather my senses.
Three people were standing around the room, the two closest to me were men and the one furthest sitting at the kitchen table was a woman with violent red scars down her face. The woman had a sad expression on her face as she looked at me, my face pinched up in pain from my leg wound that oddly hadn’t fully healed yet. One of the men mirrored her face, his eyes were sad and somehow he was still the most handsome guy I had ever seen. The man next to him was tense and watching me with weary eyes, he was standing in a defensive position with his hands up as a warning for me to calm down.
“Take it easy,” the defensive man said, trying to relax his position a little so I would feel at ease. It didn’t work, my human side and my vampire side were fighting over what to do. The vampire in me needed to be on defense, ready to fight anything that came my way. The human part of me wanted to surrender because these people had helped me and clearly were not an enemy.
“I’m Paul,” the handsome man stated, taking a step toward me. He gestured to the man next to him as he got closer to me, “That’s Sam and the woman over there is his fiancee, Emily. She’s the one who cleaned you all up and gave you fresh clothes.”
“I’m Em,” I murmured looking around at all of them trying to get my body to recognize that there wasn’t a threat. Paul stepped closer to me, arms reaching out and wrapping one of them around me. I let my legs give out from under me and he easily scooped me up and placed me back on the couch.
“What are you?” Sam asked finally relaxing and sitting on the coffee table that was just in front of the couch. Emily walked over from the kitchen to join him and I looked around at all three of them. All eyes were on me as they got right to the point, their eyes filled with curiosity.
“You guys waste no time,” I mumbled, wondering if I should tell them anything. My mind flashed back to before when I was laying down on the couch half awake listening to what they were saying, how Paul insinuated that he was the wolf in the woods that attacked me. “Maybe I should be asking you the same thing.”
“Have you heard the Quileute legends?” Paul asked from beside me. I looked over at him, his eyes already on me. His eyes were the exact same ones the wolf had, both filled with a look of awe as they searched my face waiting for me to answer.
“No, I’m not familiar with anything from this area. Or any area really,” I mumbled the ending quietly, the three of them all exchanging glances.
“We aren’t going to bombard you with too much at once. Our ancestors, going back for a long time, have been able to shapeshift into wolves.” Sam started to explain, his eyes darting toward Paul who had grown tense next to me. The heat radiating off of him was unbelievable, it was like sitting directly next to a heater.
“So which one of you attacked me in the woods?” I asked looking between the two men. I excluded Emily because judging by the scar on her face she wasn’t a shifter, just someone who had been attacked by one. They had also mentioned earlier that they thought I could be a wolf from my fast healing so the scar on her face was also an indication she wasn’t one of them.
“I did,” Paul said from behind me confirming his story from earlier. When I looked over at him he looked ashamed of himself, like he was ready to jump under a bus from how much he regretted it. I felt the sudden urge to comfort him, the stranger who had attacked me in the woods, I almost laughed from how stupid I felt over it.
“He thought you were a vampire from how fast you were running,” Emily interjected, placing a hand on my knee. My dad, bile rose in my throat as I thought of him, has always been very clear about sharing our secret but I felt safe here and I doubted that they were going to just let me go without answering them. The way they had taken care of me made me think that maybe they could be friends. Maybe they could finally give me what I had been missing my whole life.
“Well, you’d be half right,” I told them. They all exchanged looks again and Sam leaned back running his hands along his thighs as he spoke. He seemed very unsure of how he was going to say what he seemed to need to to me.
“We have a treaty with some other vampires who used to live here, the Cullens,” he paused and looked at me waiting to see if I recognized them. The way he said ‘The Cullens’ made them sound like a bigger coven than I had ever been used to but he said they were gone now so I didn’t have to worry about a fight over territory. When I didn’t show any signs of knowing them, he continued. “Vampires aren’t allowed on our land, it’s a rule we have to protect our families.”
“Oh,” I whispered suddenly disappointed. The part of me that had let myself get comfortable in their presence was now tense and remembered how my life usually went. To stay alive and inconspicuous I had to hide myself away, only doing necessary things to blend into the town and not be spotted.
“Maybe if we knew more about you we could let you and only you, come back here sometime,” Emily offered up, looking over at Sam hopefully. Sam was staring at Paul and paying no attention to anyone else. Paul also had the same hopeful look that Emily did as he stared back at Sam.
“What do you want to know?” I asked them sitting up straighter and waiting for the real interrogation to begin. It seemed to be two against one with Paul and Emily against Sam, who was clearly a leader of some sort to them.
“Are you alone? Do you have like a mate or whatever vampires call their boyfriends?” Paul asked from beside me. That was not the opening question I was expecting. He looked hopeful while I probably looked dumbfounded at the first question, not having expected it.
“Uh, no I don’t have a ‘mate’ but I just moved here with my father who’s a full vampire not just half,” I told them and Sam tensed, his eyes going between Emily and Paul. They all looked nervous and like I just made them think of a million more questions.
“How does that even work? Being half a vampire, we’ve never experienced that and our legends don’t speak of vampires being on ‘half’,” Sam asked, no one else had wanted to continue. I bit my lip unsure of how to continue too. I hadn’t really known either until a few hours ago and the truth was shocking and not something I want to tell strangers about myself. Especially when they had taken care of me.
“I didn’t know until a few hours ago either, I never questioned it and my dad doesn’t really speak to me so I know next to nothing,” I started, gauging their expressions again. Next to me I could feel Paul staring at me and when I looked at him he was looking at me like I could never tell him anything that would make him not like me. The intensity of his look, we were total strangers so it didn’t make sense for him to look at me like this, knocked the breath out of me.
“Continue,” Sam instructed, breaking me away from Pauls gaze. I felt myself frown a little going over every way I could answer them without telling them the complete, horrible truth.
“My vampire father had sex with my human mother and she got pregnant,” I relented shrugging my shoulders and looking around at them. “I don’t know much about vampires or humans really so I don’t really know how any of it works.”
“Where’s your mom now?” Emily asked, making my eyes almost bulge out of my head. How could I even go about explaining this?
“I really don’t know, my dad never talks about anything with me let alone my mom,” I replied sounding casual, to me it sounded too casual. They all seem to be satisfied with my answer, as none of them looked like they were still questioning me.
“This is something we’ve never heard of,” Sam muttered and mumbled under his breath about the legends.
“I thought vampires couldn’t have children,” Emily mentioned sounding puzzled. “Their bodies don’t change, they’re frozen in time.”
“My father only ever told me what I absolutely needed to know about vampires, stay away from the ones with red eyes and hunt inconspicuously. This is all I know,” I said sounding a little defensive.
“Your father doesn’t have red eyes?” Sam asked, a very little bit of relief present in his face.
“His eyes are golden, sometimes black depending on when the last time he hunted was,” Sam nodded at me, seeming to believe what I was saying. Next to me Paul scooted closer to me, our knees touching.
“Do you know anything about a red headed vampire? She’s been coming through Forks and La Push for a while now, she’s after one of our friends,” Paul asked and I shook my head, I had met a red headed vampire a few years back but she wasn’t alone.
“I’ve only met a few other vampires, one of them was red headed but I doubt its her because she was part of a small coven with her mate and a friend they picked up along the way,” I answered them, if it was her they were in trouble. When I met her, Victoria, she had been with her mate James and their newest addition, Laurent. James was the most lethal tracker in the world according to my dad and it had been surprising to him that they left me alone.
“Was her name, Victoria?” Paul asked shifting beside me and grabbing my shoulders to bring me out of my thoughts. I looked up at him in surprise, my mouth opening but no words coming out. Paul looked worried and cast a look over at Sam who was standing now, looking out a window into the early morning light. I had been here for longer than I thought, it was almost time for my first day of school.
“I’m guessing you’ve met her,” Sam stated not bothering to really ask or look back at me. I shrugged out of Paul’s grip and got up and went over to him.
“I have never met anyone who has ever made me as uneasy as Victoria and James did, they are absolutely lethal. James is a tracker, once he ‘tastes’ your mind he can find you anywhere, he does not give up,” I said looking around the room, mainly toward Emily. Paul and Sam had some advantage over the vampires but Emily was defenseless. “Victoria I would say is even worse, she can’t be caught. Some vampires have gifts like James does, I know that much about them, somehow Victoria has the gift of self preservation or that’s what my dad heard over the years.”
“The friend she’s after was friendly with the Cullens. James tried to kill her so the Cullens killed him and now Victoria wants revenge,” Paul explained coming over to us. I relaxed a little hearing that James was dead but Victoria alone could be deadly.
“We haven’t picked up her scent in a little while though,” Sam said eyeing me. Next to him Paul tensed up at the look Sam was giving me. “It’s good to have some information on her though, now we can be more vigilant if she shows up.”
“I can always help,” I offered, the look on Paul’s face making it clear he didn’t want me to help but Sam looked surprised. “I only have school, my first day starts soon so I should be getting to that so I look normal or whatever but I can come back...if you want.”
“You’d help us kill one of your own?” Sam asked sounding intrigued.
“She’s not one of my own, I don’t really have anyone. I guess my dad counts as my own but I probably would fight him too if it was to save innocent people,” I explained, practically wincing when I mentioned my dad. My brain was trying desperately to suppress the events that had taken place back at my house and focus solely on this.
“You should come back but I wouldn’t want you getting hurt helping us,” Paul replied quickly. My face flushed when he said it was him that didn’t want me to get hurt. There was something about Paul that I liked but I couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was.
“You can come back but let your father know he isn’t welcome on our land,” Sam told me, he didn’t wait for me to say anything else or leave. He disappeared to a room just off the kitchen, the door slamming shut so loudly that even I flinched.
“He’ll come around,” Emily assured me but looked over at Paul, more so assuring him. The last few hours had been a lot of information to take in and I was too overwhelmed to question anything more about Paul. Emily was moving around the kitchen quickly grabbing stuff and putting it into a paper bag.
“Can I walk you home?” Paul asked, taking my attention away from Emily.
“You can, you’ll just have to leave before we get too close to my house. My dad doesn’t like me talking to anyone unless it is absolutely necessary,” He frowned when I said it but quickly pushed that thought out of his mind.
“Here you go, some breakfast and lunch since we kept you so long and you’re running late for your first day,” Emily handed me the paper bag she had been filling. She had a wide, cheerful smile on her face as she waved Paul and I off.
My heart hammered in my chest at all the possibilities of my new home. In a matter of hours of being here I learned so much, way more than my dad had ever wanted me to know. I felt like I was going to be able to finally become independent from him and able to set my own course in life. I didn’t know what the end result would look like but I knew it was happening.
Tagged:
@angelenemies @twilightxcx
#paul lahote#paul lahote smut#paul lahote fic#paul lahote fanfic#sam uley#jacob black#quil ateara#embry call#seth clearwater#leah clearwater#jared cameron#esme cullen#carlisle cullen#jasper hale#alice cullen#emmett cullen#rosalie hale#edward cullen#bella swan#twilight#new moon#eclipse#breaking dawn#twilight fic#twilight fanfic
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I got back at my homophobic father by pretending to have a boyfriend and bringing him over for Christmas dinner, causing him to freak out and lose himself in front of the whole family.
Ever since I can remember I have been completely and utterly under the thumb of my father. All of us have been, us being me, my younger brother, little sister and my mother. My father is a raging asshole. A male chauvinist, over the top macho type of guy. And I’ve always been the victim, growing up, of his dislike. Because I didn’t really fit in with his image of ‘the ideal son’. I was, for lack of a better word, a bit of a girly boy growing up. I wanted nothing more than to dance and frolic around in dresses.
When I was four or five, my mother had this big box of dress-up clothes. She brought it down from the attic and I immediately picked out the prettiest, frilliest golden colored dress I could find. I pranced around in it and declared myself a princess. And that I was now a girl. This went on for a few months, but strictly during the day when my father was away at work. I watched ballet videos with my mother, a soft-spoken and open-minded woman who worked part time as a social worker in those days. I was happy. Careless.
My father was, and is, an authoritarian figure. Had himself legally emancipated at an early age just so he could join the army ahead of time. After three years in the army he left as a lower level officer and started a career as a seaman. He was a captain when he and my mother met and had me. Later he left his naval career and became a traveling salesman. Think Don Draper, if Don Draper was a 6’4” Western European man with curly greying hair and piercing blue eyes. I’ve always found him incredibly intimidating and I think my mother did too.
Anyway, long story short… he came home early one day. He saw me in my dress and told me in an icy cold voice: “Go and take that of. After you take it off, go sit on the sofa.”
So, I took it off. Little hands trembling. Next, he summoned my mother into the room. Demanded to know “what the hell she had been doing to his boy”. I’ve never seen a person shrink so much so quickly. I myself was like a little tiny fly on the wall at this point, barely present.
He took the box with clothes up to the attic. Put a lock on it and informed us that we were not to touch it “until my wife gives me a daughter”. It stayed there on the attic, untouched, until my sister was born ten years later.
My father took more of an interest in my upbringing after this point. He took me to see navy ships, races, made me go on a martial art. He seemed determined to “make a man out of me” and in some ways he succeeded. One thing he allowed me to do was keep my hair long. Knowing I was bullied at school for it and wanted at times to cut it off for that reason. He insisted I kept the long hair, face the bullies and beat the shit out of them every time they called me a girl, to “show them how much of a girl I was”. I did just that. It toughened my up, in some way. But it also damaged me in other ways.
By the time I went to college, I had grown into a pretty normal dude. I wasn’t gay, I wasn’t even a crossdresser although deep down inside I still had those urges. I tried desperately to fit in and be what he wanted me to be but… I also grew more and more resentful. In college I made a lot of different friends. Including some guys, I met in an acting class we both took. One of them was pretty much your typical ‘flaming and fabulous’ type of guy. He was as over-the-top gay as my father was over-the-top straight. I told him one night when we’re drinking about my upbringing and my terrible father. And my friend, let’s call him Paul, suggested I should “get back at him”. I asked him how. Basically, why not pretend like I was gay?
But not just, say it over the phone or something. Or even to my father’s face in person. No, much better… I’d hint for weeks in advance about “having met somebody” and “being in a relationship”. I’d say it was a girl. I would ask if I could bring ‘Paula’ over for dinner. At Christmas. When the whole family would be there. And I’d arrive at the house with ‘Paul’ instead. So I did exactly that. I went to the house, at Christmas. Dressed to the nines. I told my father and mother that “Paula was caught up, she’s about to come. I’ll just open the door”. So I sat down with my family. Cousins. Uncles, aunts. My grandparents, just as conservative as my father.
Waited a while. Heard the door and rushed to open it. Walked into the living room where everyone was gathered and introduced Paul. My boyfriend. I’ve never seen a room go so quiet. People literally gasped for air. My sister, brother and mother looked both scared and amused, but everyone else was in shock, my father seething… he just completely lost it. Right in front of everyone. Veins bulging in his neck to the point where they looked like they were about to pop. He told me to leave. Ordered me, essentially. My grandparents urged him not to make a scene but he made one. I just replied calmly how he should do it. Call the police and explain the situation to them. I knew he never would; he knew some of the officers well; it wasn’t a call he would be willing to make and it wasn’t a situation he was willing to explain. I called his bluff and he just… sank. Like he shrank before my eyes. My mother and grandmother had to calm him down. He walked out of the room, defeated. I just stood there, not believing my own eyes. I finally felt free. Like I didn’t give a fuck anymore. He had scared me for so many years, terrified me, and now I could see him for the caricature he really was. It felt amazing.
Paul and I stayed the whole evening. He played his part perfectly. He eventually managed to charm some of my aunts and even my grandmother, who told me unironically how she was glad “I found such a delightful man” and that he reminded her of her favorite TV character, “Mr. Humphreys from ‘are you being served’, such a doll!” My father later came back to the room. Sat in a corner, sulking, refusing to meet my gaze. He drank too much whiskey. My mother kept talking to him in a hushed tone of voice, and he kept making a ‘go away’ gesture with his hand.
I stayed away from home for a while. I’ve already explained to everyone how it had been a prank. How I had to make a point and get back at my father for how he had treated me. Pretty much everyone sympathized. I didn’t lose anyone in my family over what happened. But my father lost a lot of respect in people’s eyes, I feel. He was always in control of things, he always directed the scene, but now he doesn’t anymore. I do my own thing. My sister does her own thing. He cannot order people around anymore. And I feel like a fool for ever letting him. I can now wear whatever the hell I want to wear, enjoy whatever hobbies I want to enjoy and nothing changes. He threatened to disinherit me that night. He threatened a lot of things but in the end, something inside him just broke. All of my relationships since have been with women, and I have since married and had children of my own. My younger brother came out as gay eventually, but by that time my now aging father had mellowed down somewhat and as he already has grandchildren and his legacy is thus “secured”, he didn’t seem to mind much. It helps that my brother is a muscular gymrat and that they can bond over sports, more then my father and I ever did. But whenever the subject of sexuality comes up my father is still incredibly awkward. I don’t think it will ever change. But I feel my ‘revenge’ has been pretty successful in the end.
(source) (story by Frownagay)
#prorevenge#by Frownagay#pro revenge#revenge stories#pro revenge stories#pro#revenge#revenge story#last10
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Not Only In Love With His Car | Part One || Ben Hardy!Roger Taylor
MASTEERLIST is linked in my info box - I can’t put links on individual posts at the moment, otherwise they won’t show up here!
PART TWO also on my MASTERLIST
SO, I don’t know if I should try to excuse myself or not, but I just want to say that I’m incredibly thankful for every single one of you and to see that people still read my imagines and follow me although I haven’t been as active as I would have liked to!
THANK YOU!!!! <3
Just so you know, I combined two requests because I added one thing that changed the story slightly, I hope that’s okay. Don’t worry, I will write a lot more imagines about each of those amazing men because I love them! :)
Request: Hiii! Could you maybe write a R.Taylor (B.Hardy) x reader fanfic,maybe like they are secretly dating and the other members find out about it ? But if you don’t like the idea,you don’t need to.Basically,I it can be anything with R.Taylor
Request: Please can you write a Ben Hardy Rodger Taylor fic. I don’t have anything idea in particular so you have all creative control. I am just dying for more Ben Hardy imagines
Not Only In Love With His Car
— 3rd Person —
“What? Why?” Brian was just as confused as his two other friends that were staring at Roger with questioning looks on their face.
“She wants to write her thesis about us. About… our story”, the blond explained.
John spoke up, “But we don’t have a story to tell.” Roger pointed his finger at the bassist,
“Not yet.”
The drummer was trying to convince his band members to let his “best friend” travel with them to the new recording studio, to spend more time with everyone since she apparently wanted to write her thesis for university about Queen. Brian was yet to be convinced, John was partly okay with it, and Freddie was sure there was more behind it but had not participated in the conversation yet.
“What do you think about it, Fred?” The guitarist turned to the lead singer. He shrugged and put his right hand on his hip,
“I don’t think it’s such a bad idea. The people should know what we did.”
A proud and wide grin started forming on Roger’s lips, as Freddie sent him a wink.
“Alright”, Brian didn’t sound too excited about the idea of having a female on board – distraction and stuff - but he knew, this argument was not his to win.
The truth was, Roger really just wanted to spend more time with his girlfriend of nine months. He hasn’t been the best boyfriend, that he would have liked to be, for the time they’ve been together – he felt as if he has been putting their relationship second, more times than acceptable. Though, his girlfriend was completely fine with his jump-starting music career and hasn’t even complained once, still… Roger has felt the guilt coming up and wants to change that. He wants to be the boyfriend every girl dreams to have. The only problem here: the rest of the band doesn’t actually know about the secret relationship their friend has been having – hence why it’s secret. Thankfully, this secret girlfriend is studying Journalism and has to find a bombing story for her thesis - what would be better than the story of Queen. She, more than any other person, was convinced, that the band was going to have its big breakthrough and would be soon touring through continents.
--- 2nd Person ---
It was you, Deacy, Brian and your boyfriend in one car, whereas Freddie and Paul, who you have learned to dislike slowly but surely, were driving ahead of you to the "recording studio". Holding Roger's hand in the back of the car, was the only thing that didn't keep you from completely losing it and having a panic attack from the excitement building up.
"Thank you, again", you whispered into his ear.
"You've said this exact phrase at least thirty times in the last twenty-four hours. You're absolutely welcome."
Thankfully, the two other band members were in the two front seats, not able to see what was going on in the back between you two lovebirds. Driving up to an even dirtier road, only mud and more mud, the car came to a sudden hold. You took a glance outside the window,
"Where are we?"
Brian turned the car off, took the keys in his hand and opened the door,
"Our studio for the next couple weeks... maybe months."
Before following his action of getting out, your head turned back to your boyfriend who had just the same facial expression on his face as you - confusion.
Freddie was already walking all over the place, checking everything out while Paul was taking out the luggage, ready to get them inside of the house. You were surrounded by the smell of... farm - that's the only thing that came to your mind. Roger was throwing sceptical glances all over the place,
"Recording studio?"
The other man carried two bags into the house,
"Well, the idea was to get away from all the distractions." You, standing next to your boyfriend, spoke up next,
"In Freddie's defence...", you looked around, taking it all in, "You do get away from all the distractions because there's literally nothing here."
Roger nodded in agreement, eyes wide open.
All of us decided to follow Paul inside, carrying our own stuff after noticing that Paul only put the lead singer's bags in the house. Before being able to put them down, Paul motioned for you to follow him further up the stairs - he tried to keep the mood light by making some jokes... it didn't work.
"Roger, you're in here", he showed the blond to his room, getting a quick,
"Alright", as a response - and then he was gone.
"Freddie, this is you, biggest room. Brian, that's you", he stood still in the middle of the small hallway upstairs. Paul clapped his hands and shot you a look,
"Yeah... (Y/N)... ehm... I was going to ask you, but probably forgot... you would be taking the living room. Is that okay?"
"Yeah, of course", you truly were completely fine, yet your boyfriend wasn't,
"Nah, she's gonna stay with me, the bed is big enough to fit three people in."
Our "guide" nodded in agreement and left to show Deacy to his room... in the basement - how nice of him.
You walked over to the blond head, "Roger, do you want to be any more obvious?",
"What do you mean, obvious?" You only gave him a 'you-know-what-I-mean'-look as he kept on talking, "They won't suspect anything, come on", with a really hot head nod, he told you to get into the room, not caring if one of the members had seen it.
Roger threw himself on the bed, bouncing right back up, making the both of you laugh.
"Well, that's gonna be interesting to sleep in", he smirked, looking up to you.
"It's not that bad", you tried making the situation of the actually quite... shit room at least a bit better. The drummer's grin only got wider,
"I didn't mean bad, but loud", and with that, he grabbed your wrist and yanked you on the bed as well, making you fall on top of him, a loud laugh escaping from your lips - Roger's heartbeat sped up. His arms were tightly wrapped around your neck, nuzzling his face on top of your head, while your arms found their way around his waist.
"You can't believe how happy I am to have you here."
Your head turned upwards, looking him directly into his eyes - the only thing you saw was pure love and adoration. Not wanting to give him a verbal answer, you planted a kiss on his lips instead.
--- Later That Night ---
You woke up in the middle of the night by the sound of an angelic voice coming from, what sounded like, the attic above you.
"Love of my life...", Freddie sang silently to himself, you thought. A smile formed on your lips, just hearing his voice made you happy. Your boyfriend's arms were tight around your waist as if he was scared you would leave him. You tried going back to sleep, using the singing as a soothing to make you sleepy, yet you were way too nosy not to go and check up on the lead singer - you promised Mary to keep an eye out for him. Carefully, you took Roger's hand and draped it over on to his side. He started turning away from you, his arm now close to himself. The squeaky bed was the next problem. Getting up from it was like trying to break into a museum and avoiding all of the red lasers. As soon as you stood up straight on your feet, you collected a bra, shirt, pyjama sweats, and a pair of socks that were still in your suitcase since you didn't really get time to unpack it. After putting everything on, you opened the bedroom which was almost as squeaky as the bed. Thankfully, the stairs to the attic were not far from the room you were sleeping in, so you were able to hopefully not disturb anyone.
Walking up, you started hearing two voices instead of only Freddie's. A couple steps up, you were able to peak into the room through the railing. It was a quite dark lit room with a lot of instruments all over the place and even a sofa, where... Paul was sitting. You scrunched your eyebrows together in confusion, watching him get closer to the singer, putting out his cigarette. Fred tried looking away, acting not to seem interested.
All of a sudden, in the short moment that he looked up from his notes, Paul smashed his lips onto the other man's. A gasp escaped your lips, going unnoticed by the two. Your hand flew to your mouth, shutting yourself up. Your heart was beating uncontrollably, not understanding... rather, not wanting to believe, what you had just witnessed. As the thought of Mary shot in your head, tears started forming in your eyes. You had known Mary for as long as you had known Roger - very long. Not even wanting to imagine the pain she would be in if she knew what had just happened right in front of your own eyes.
After trying to calm yourself down as much as possible, you made your way back to your shared bedroom. Silently tiptoeing back and closing the door behind you.
"Where'd you go?" Roger's spoke up from his lying position looking up at you in the dark. You jumped up,
"Oh gosh, you scared me, I thought you were asleep." You crawled back into the comfort of the sheets and your boyfriend's arms.
"I was until I noticed you were gone",
"Sorry Rog, I didn't want to wake you up", you excused yourself.
"Where were you?" Even though you hated lying to him and wanted to tell him about what had happened, you couldn't - you couldn't do that to Freddie. Therefore, your answer was simple:
"Just the bathroom."
The blond led it slide, too tired to hear if you were telling the truth or not and went back to sleep peacefully now that you were back in his arms. You, on the other hand, were absolutely not able to sleep in any peaceful way. The shame, the guilt, the sadness, everything was swelling up inside of you, making it impossible for you to fall asleep for the following three hours.
--- The Following Morning ---
The sun, a cold feeling, but most importantly, shouting woke you up. Opening your eyes, you saw it was finally the morning. Turning around, you couldn't see Roger anymore, but by taking a look at the hanging clock on the wall across from you, you instantly knew why - it was ten o'clock and Roger was never the one to truly sleep in. The happenings of last night shot back into your mind, making you wince. After not being able to fall asleep, you came to the conclusion to confront Freddie. You didn't hate him for what happened, neither were you ever going to hate him, but still... he had to tell Mary - and that was what you would tell him. The shouting became louder, so you decided to get up properly and take a look downstairs. The first thing you heard as soon as your feet hit the ground floor was your boyfriend's voice,
"You call me sweet like I'm some kind of cheese." Which was followed by Brian's mumbling.
You entered the kitchen where all of the shouting voices came from and came to sight with Roger turned towards you, Brian and John's backs facing you, and Freddie in the corner.
"When my hand's on your grease gun. It's very subtle", the guitarist read out loud, making you chuckle.
"It's a metaphor, Brian!" Your boyfriend defended.
John spoke up next, "It's just a bit weird, Roger. What exactly are you doing with that car?"
You decided to step in, seeing that Roger was just about to explode,
"Good morning guys." All of their heads turned into your direction, smiling and each one of them giving you a "Good Morning" back. The drummer let a little "Morning, babe" slip, and only Freddie noticed it. You walked behind the counter, arms crossed, and stopped right next to your secret boyfriend,
"What's all of that shouting about?"
Roger had already prepared a cup of coffee and handed it to you.
"Rog wants his song to be on the album", the bassist explained.
"And what's the problem with that?" You questioned in confusion.
"I'm in love with my car." Brian's answer made you choke on your coffee.
"What?" With raised eyebrows, you turned your head to the blond.
"It's a metaphor!" He shouted once more.
Freddie tried calming everyone down, but John had to make a comment about how most bands don't fail but break up. You shook your head, not believing what was happening - they were fighting like children. Your eyes drifted from one member to another one, following whoever was talking, well... still shouting actually.
"Roger, there's only room in this band for one hysterical queen", was Fred's only response before exiting the room, stepping outside into the fresh air. You contemplated whether or not to follow him, but something flying right in front of you into Brian's face, followed by,
"Is that strong enough?!"
"Roger!" You shouted at him, coming to the realisation that it was him that threw it. He looked for more things to throw around and eventually even found the probably most precious thing in the entire kitchen.
"Not the coffee machine!" John, Brian, and your voice echoed through the room at the drummer. You needed to take it into your own hands,
"Guys, please! You act like little kids, calm down, it's just a song. You can talk-", you got cut off by Roger storming out of the room. A sigh left your lips. You knew, following him now wouldn't be the best decision, therefore you decided it was time to confront Freddie, but not before talking to the other two men,
"Why can't you guys just... just let him have that one song."
Brian spoke up, "Just because it's about you, doesn't mean you need to defend him. It's just not good." Your heart stopped for a second,
"What? About me?"
Now it was John's time, "Oh, come on as if we don't know. If he was actually talking about his car like that, we should be worried about him. And you're the only girl we ever got to meet. And please, oh my god, don't let me get started on how he talks about you." He shook his head drastically with a smile on his lips.
Brian smirked at you, "He's not only in love with his car."
You tried avoiding their eyes, looking around the room with your arms crossed, "Still... maybe it's not as bad." And with that you left the room, ready... well, not ready but having to confront Freddie.
Just as you walked outside, the guitarist's voice echoed, "It is!" making you giggle a bit. You weren't able to keep that emotion though, as you came to face with the dark-haired man's back. Your footsteps, which you made by wearing Roger's shoes that were right next to the door, were heavy and loud due to all of the mud and made Freddie turn around.
"(Y/N) everything alright again inside?"
"What do you think?" You smiled kindly at him which he returned. As you got next to him, he pulled out an open pack of cigarettes, offering you one - you declined,
"I don't smoke, but thank you?"
He looked at you curiously, "Why not?" And you shrugged your shoulders,
"Just never been into it, I don't mind it though."
He nodded with a smile. Before really getting to the subject as to why you came out here, you took a deep breath,
"Freddie...", his head turned to you, "I...", you didn't know how to start this conversation. "I like you, okay? You're a wonderful person and you make Mary the happiest she's ever been. But...", you couldn't look him in the eyes, therefore, they found their way to the ground, "You have to tell her what happened yesterday."
The lead singer was confused, so you carried on, "Last night, I heard you singing in the attic and I just wanted to know why you were still up and just check on you", suddenly it hit him and he shifted uncomfortably, "... I saw what happened with Paul."
After your confession, you got the courage to look back up again and saw tears welling up in his eyes.
"I know you're not that kind of man who'd just do that behind her back, but... you have to tell her. I won't, I promise", you spoke quietly and as soothing as possible.
"I didn't want this to happen...", his voice cracked and you placed your hand on his back.
"I know...", "I love her, I really do", he declared.
You started rubbing circles, "I know, I know... but that's why you have to tell her. She'll understand."
"Do you really think so?" He looked at you, his eyes full of tears and hope.
You nodded with a smile and went to hug him tightly.
"You are an amazing human being, Freddie", you whispered in his ear, knowing that he needed a form of cheering up. After parting again, he gave you a smile, assuring you that he would be alright as he wiped his tears away.
"You should go and cheer up your boyfriend instead of me."
"What? How- what?" You were just as confused as you were in the kitchen a couple minutes ago.
"Oh, darling, please. His car is not the only thing he's in love with." His comment made you smile,
"Why is everyone-", you threw your arms out and left with a sigh and the smile still on your lips, making Freddie laugh.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
It is a bit of a longer one, but I hope this somehow made up for the time I had been off. Thank you for supporting me and I hope those who requested it enjoyed it, everyone else of course too! :)
Thank you for reading and I hope you have a wonderful day/night! <3
#ben hardy#ben hardy imagine#ben hardy x reader#Ben Hardy x female!reader#Ben Hardy imagines#roger taylor#roger taylor imagine#Roger Taylor x reader#gwilym lee imagine#gwilym lee x reader#brian may imagine#brian may x reader#joe mazzello x reader#joe mazzello imagine#John deacon imagine#john deacon x reader#rami malek imagine#rami malek x reader#freddie mercury imagine#queen imagines#queen#bohemian rhapsody imagine#bohemian rhapsody#bohemian rhapsody x reader
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Terrible to Meet You - A Harry Styles One Shot - Act 3, Hearts beat not fail
++
Harry wants to get out of the house. Alex wants to get home.
Alex meets Harry at at crossroads. Harry meets Alex on a one way street.
A coffee shop OU fic feat. lattes, lamingtons & that Great Unfathomable Feeling.
Story Page Here
My Masterlist Here
Read Act 1 & 2 Here
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Four Walls
'I wanna make you feel how I feel when I'm listening to love songs'
For their first date, Harry took Alex to his favourite spot at the top of Golders Hill Park, the place with the view that often derailed his outdoor runs, it was so breathtaking.
For the two weeks leading up to him asking her, Harry made an effort to occasionally visit The Daily Dose in the afternoon as well as his daily morning visit.
On those afternoons he and Alex would usually end up in the park near the cafe-—just like that first time—spending hours talking about what they were watching or reading or telling each other about friends or family members, travel adventures and failures. Once, Harry listened to Alex list her top five arguments between her flatmates, which ranged from week-long silent treatments over unstacking the dishwasher to a year-long war over missing socks. Alex liked hearing about all the things Harry loved about being back home in London indefinitely. Harry's favourite thing was when Alex got passionate and started 'swearing in Australian' as he phrased it.
When he admitted to only knowing Australian music to be the likes of Kylie Minogue, Keith Urban and Gotye, Alex vowed to educate him. Later that evening, a text came through a link to a Spotify playlist and Harry listened to nothing else for months.
Neither said it to the other, but as their hearts watched their exchanges—beady little eyes flicking back and forth like tennis spectators inside rib cages—there was a sense a story was unravelling before them Harry and Alex were powerless to control. Harry saw it all as instantly as a human could, while Alex needed half an inch of beckoning to read along with the words on their page. How perfectly two stars aligned—one coming home while the other looked to a home on the too-far horizon.
Alex hadn't ever felt comfortable with someone so quickly, and it was rare for attraction to last for her. Romantically, her endeavours in London always fell a little flat, and she generally ended up on dates with other Australians. Or Kiwis.
Harry went against what she'd experienced before; he made eye contact, and he was attentive in conversations, he remembered little things and threads between her stories that made Alex feel heard and seen. He teased when she swore too much and asked questions when he didn't know something.
So, when Harry lay the picnic rug for them on the grass, only to discover it was covered in muddy paw prints and hair, she enjoyed the opportunity to laugh at him, and to be comforted by the nerves he rarely showed as he kicked the back of the rug in haste trying to clean it off. He lay it back down and sheepishly admitted it was usually for saving his sister's dog from messing up the back seats of his car when Harry dog-sat for her.
He looked flustered and thrown, and Alex thought it was perfect.
"Do you think Paul's face is permanently going to look like that?" Harry asked, waiting for her to glance over at him before doing his best rendition of Paul's smug expression. She laughed as Harry went back to pulling out the provisions he'd brought with him; snacks and water, a book for Alex to borrow, his film camera and then finally, a small, cardboard box from a bakery in East London he was anxious to give her. Alex put down the coffees they'd brought with them from The Daily Dose (Harry was proudly calling his a long black now) as Harry handed her what he hoped would be his silver bullet.
He glanced back up at her where she was standing to the side, taking in the park around them. He was glad he seemed to have taken her to somewhere new. This was his favourite place in London. Before Harry picked her up, Alex swapped her work clothes for a blue and white dress with just two thin straps up over her shoulders. Harry couldn't keep his eyes from settling on the freckles over her collarbones, he was utterly entranced by the newly exposed skin. She only got more attractive to him, although as he nearly spilled the honey almonds everywhere, he was sure the catalogue of moments where he looked like an idiot in front of her only grew.
"It's his universe stuff again," she adjusted the sunglasses on her nose, and shut her eyes beneath her glasses, tuning into the feeling of warmth from the sun around them. She was thinking about how the heat in London felt utterly different from the summers at home. The summer she'd give anything for right now, along with the feeling of home. In summer London got warm, but it didn't swelter like she craved. It was a crisp, clean warmness that she felt safe basking in. At home, weeks of heat started to feel suffocating and heavy.
"Does he still think I'm your cosmic event?" Harry asked after a quiet moment, thinking of Paul's declaration from a few days before. The two hearts leaned in closer, Harry's holding a hand out to Alex's.
Alex hummed out a sound that could go either way, turning around to see if she could help Harry setting up at all, "He also thinks Brad and Jen are going to get back together."
Harry squinted up at her, trying to appear unbothered as he patted the rug in invitation, "Could still happen though, right?"
Taking the few steps to the edge of the rug, she looked at him, taking in the way his bottom lip was pulled between his teeth. Was he talking about the celebrity couple or … "Maybe?"
It wasn't a conversation for their first date though, so Harry diverted it, "I'm still holding out hope for Ross and Rachel, to be honest."
When they were settled in their spot on the side of the hill, the expanse of parkland in front of them, Harry stretched his legs out lazily in front of him, watching as Alex lowered herself down and crossed hers in a pretzel sit beside him. He was hyper-aware of the spot on the side of his left thigh Alex's knee lightly pressed up against. Neither of them moved away from the other.
Slowly, Alex turned her attention back to the box, "What's this?"
"Open it," Harry smiled, "I got you something."
Alex felt her cheeks heat as he watched her fold back the top to reveal what was sitting inside.
Lamingtons.
Harry brought her lamingtons.
"How did you know about these?" Alex marvelled.
"I Googled 'How to get an Australian to fall for you', and this was Step One."
Alex felt her cheeks warm further and saw Harry notice it, "That's not something you can Google, surely."
He grinned back at her, itchy on the inside somehow and tingling all over, "I think at this point, you can Google literally anything."
Alex picked one up and held it between her fingers, struggling to take in the gesture of it. As she chewed through her first, tentative bite she thought of making the small cakes in her grandmother's kitchen during school holidays. They were such a nostalgic food, one that Alex hadn't thought about for a long time. As soon as Harry opened the box though, she was back to being ten-years-old, her feet sticking to the lino of her grandparent's kitchen while all her cousins, sandy and pink from the beach, fought over the plate while being scolded for flinging coconut pieces up the walls.
She took another bite of the lamington and a sip of her tea.
"These are bloody good," Harry's voice was muffled by his mouthful of chocolate, coconut sponge.
Alex laughed at him, "They're one of my favourites."
Harry's face lit up instantly, he'd hit the mark perfectly. He took the next step tentatively, "I really like you, Alex."
"I really like you too," Alex looked up at him, finding the words surprisingly easy to conjure despite the fact hearing them from Harry drilled a shaking fear through her. Her feelings all clicked into place a little too quickly with his, or so it seemed. She didn't know how to square the want for him with her need to leave, to get home. Nothing in her was as sure as the longing for Australia.
His gaze on her was expressionless, but not in an unsettling way, Harry was merely watching her, and Alex found herself calming, and settling into the moment. In fact, she watched him right back, as if hunting for the next piece in whatever puzzle they'd started together.
An exacerbated laugh let her lips eventually, and Harry's expression changed to silently question what was going through her head.
She was grinning at him from her spot beside him, hair framing her face as the sky behind them warmed with the sunset, "Doesn't this feel a little surreal?"
Harry could put his finger on the shared feeling immediately, "Feels like we've done this before, doesn't it?"
She nodded, "What was Step Two?" Alex asked him.
&&&
It rained.
Which, in hindsight, Harry should have made provisions for. It started lightly, and he and Alex stopped talking and looked at each other in shock. She held out her palm to the sky and started laughing while they both waited to see whether it was a passing sun shower or something that would settle in.
Only a few minutes later, they were scrambling into Harry's car almost completely drenched through. Alex hadn't stopped laughing, which Harry took to be a good thing, and it was contagious because he found himself with a sore stomach from his own laughter as well.
"Jesus Christ," he breathed out, wiping the hair from his forehead.
"When it rains, it pours here, doesn't it," Alex held herself in an upright position leaning forward to avoid her warm, wet skin sticking to Harry's seats. Her arms hung in the air in front of her as Alex collected the water droplets along her arms with her fingers.
"Don't worry about the car," Harry read her manoeuvring, swallowing away the wave of lust that swept through him at the sight of her singlet stuck to her body and the damp sheen of her skin. "Are you okay?"
"Yep, I'm good," she grinned over at him, hair stuck to her temples and neck, looking invigorated by the decimation of Harry's perfectly planned afternoon, not put out by it, "You don't have an old gym towel kicking out back there, do you?" She gestured to the back seat.
Harry's face screwed up, "No, and even if I did, I would not be offering you a used gym towel!"
"Usually, that would reassure me."
"I've got clean ones at home," Harry started slowly, "It's just around the corner …"
Alex vacillated between being terrified Harry liked her just as much as she liked him, and berating herself for the feeling.
A smile was splitting his face as he waited for his response, Alex envied the ease behind his charm, "Let's go."
&&&
Alex instantly loved his house.
It was clean and warm and understated. As Harry led her, he named the room as he went. Alex tried equally to take every inch in and tattoo it to the inside of her skull, trawling it for details and lessons about Harry, while at the same time trying desperately not to appear too nosy or eager.
Her dress was wet and uncomfortably stuck skin to her as they went.
There was an awkward moment when Harry left her in his laundry with a bathrobe and instructions to take off her wet clothes while he ran upstairs to do the same. A few minutes later, (during which Alex agonised over whether to take off her underwear or not) Harry quietly knocked on the door and said Alex's name as he came in with a fresh outfit and an armful of his own for the washing machine.
When they got to the kitchen, he offered to put the kettle on, and Harry's movement prompted her to notice an appliance sitting tucked away in the corner on the bench.
"What's that!"
Harry turned around at the sound of her cry, he'd been trying to breathe through thoughts of Alex wrapped in his robe which was somehow setting off a loud (horny) alarm in him, "What? What's what?"
"That!" Alex went towards him, a look of horror on her face as she stared at the espresso machine he barely used anymore, "Harry! What the hell is this?"
"Oh," he rested his hip against the bench and crossed his arms over his chest, "That?"
Alex bumped his shoulder with the heel of her hand, "You don't need to buy coffee every day, look at this beauty."
Harry felt her thigh pressed against his. He didn't move away from the touch. Instead, he let his palm find the small of her back while she ran her fingertips over the top of the silver machine in front of them, "I think you know why I do, actually, need to buy coffee every day."
Watching her in profile, Harry saw her lips quirked in understanding, although Alex tried to hide it.
When she was quiet for a few beats too long, Harry prompted her, "Alex?"
"It's Paul's clairvoyant services, isn't it?"
"It's really not," Harry laughed, "Although it was impressive he guessed my favourite Friends character based off my coffee order."
Alex rolled her eyes, "It was a lucky guess."
Harry laughed and leaned closer to her, angling himself so they were face to face and he could hear the unsteadiness of her breathing, "I go every day to see you," he tells her simply.
"I know," she pressed her lips together and flexed her fingers out from the fists they'd been squeezed in. "I'm glad you do."
"But you can come over and use this anytime you want," Harry said of his machine. His nose was so close to Alex's it almost itched.
He knew to kiss her then as if he'd lived it before or it was a moment that happened in another life, and something in Harry remembered it. Hearts reached out for each other and fell together in the centre as Harry's lips pressed to Alex's, there was a sigh of souls as if two pieces of time clicked together perfectly.
After not even a minute of having Harry's mouth against hers, Alex felt breathless, his chest pressing into the bulkiness of the bathrobe around her. She laughed at something her body understood, but she didn't yet, leaning away from Harry to take a breath and finding his lips greedy to keep her there.
"Harry, Harry, stop," Alex finally put her hands on him, fingers curving over the top of his shoulders and squeezing lightly.
He was breathless in front of her as well, faces together and lips upturned, "Yes?"
"This is insane, we shouldn't… This … This is insane." She laughed, her head moving back and forth.
Harry's brows furrowed, but the smile stayed across the rest of his face, "What is? Why is it insane?"
Alex wasn't enjoying stopping it, "I'm sorry, I don't—Don't you think starting something is a bad idea?"
His head tilted to one side, "I happen to think it's an excellent idea, actually."
"It's insane," her heart wasn't in the protest though.
"It's not," He argued back gently, sensing Alex stepping through something in her head. Something that Harry probably needed stepping through as well, "This happens."
"It does?"
"Two people meeting by chance and both being crazy for each other from the start? Yes."
"But this year …"
He grinned, swaying and holding her eyes with his, "Just agree and say you're crazy for me, Alex."
Alex half-rolled her eyes as she accepted the kiss coming her way, chaste and sweet, "I mean, the world is ending, Harry—
—If the world is ending," he gave her a look, "Then this is the best time, this is the time to just take your shot. What have you got to lose?"
Alex couldn't force herself into the same blind faith, "Nothing's for certain anymore."
Harry's gaze softened, "Nothing except how you feel, nothing except the person right in front of you, right now."
The person in front of her wasn't someone Alex was looking for at all.
"What's going to happen?" Alex asked, sounding young and unsure. Her fingers reached for Harry's, and she linked herself to him silently.
Harry replied honestly, "I don't know, but I want to find out."
&&&
505
'Oh, when you look at me like that, my darling, what did you expect?'
She woke with Harry's hand resting heavily across her ribs.
It took Alex's brain only a few seconds before her eyes flew open, and she reached aimlessly for her phone, "Shit."
4:12am.
Shit, she thought, brain drunk on sleep as her chest lit up with panic.
Alex wasn't of right mind, and so her attempt to slip out from Harry's bed and skip across the room for her belongings was met by staunch resistance from him. Immediately at her movement, his grip tightened in his sleep, and Harry's body leaned closer to her, his arm extending further around Alex's torso as his face contorted in a frown.
"Harry," she said more urgently, his bedroom dark and still around them, "I have to go."
Those words turned the lights on in his head, and Harry's eyes opened in the darkness, "What?"
It was four weeks since the first time she had been to his house but the night before was the first time Alex stayed over on a weeknight. (Weekends had almost exclusively been spent together) She didn't remember falling asleep. Things got heated after dinner and a movie on Harry's sofa and two orgasms later exhausted, so it seems, they broke the weeknight rule.
Alex wriggled away with the slight loosening of Harry's hold, "I have to go," she repeated.
Harry raised his head up to look for the time, "No, it's 4am, Al, no."
"We fell asleep," Alex covered his wrist with her hand and pulled it up with the duvet and started to kick her legs out. "I have to go home first before work."
"Why?" Harry asked, sitting up and squinting in the darkness to see where she was moving. He didn't understand why Alex never took advantage of the fact he lived closer to her job than she did.
"I don't have work clothes here."
"Alex," his arm lunged towards where the last of her was slipping out of his reach. Harry got a hold of her elbow and gently tugged it towards him, Alex's movement stopped, and he heard a quiet sigh come from her lips, "We'll find you something to wear here."
"Harry," she protested. Wearing a man's clothes only worked in movies, Alex had boobs and hips and wasn't any part of her that wished for the hit to her self esteem trying any of his clothes would provide.
"Alex."
"You won't have anything that will work for me."
Fit, fit was the word she meant.
Harry groaned, still barely able to think straight from being woken from the deepest sleep, "It's four o'clock in the morning, Alex, what were you going to do, get an Uber across London for a t-shirt and jeans? I'll give you a shirt, and you can wear the jeans you wore yesterday."
"I need black jeans for work."
"Paul won't care, and I'll drive you too," Harry thought it pertinent to try sweetening the deal, although he thought it went without saying. His next words came out more firmly, "I'm not letting you leave at 4am, come back go bed."
Alex obeyed, but she felt betrayed by her mind for giving in mostly due to sleepiness. Harry's chest was warm, and with the duvet back around her, she lay awake with the sound of his deep breathing as he slept on. It didn't take long for tears to prickle her eyes and a thick hotness to coat the back of her throat. Here she was in the arms of a man who'd completely taken her life by surprise, yet Alex had an overwhelming yearning for a place on the other side of the world.
Every time she spoke to her sister about the baby or heard from her brother and his fiancé about their wedding, the fire inside her raged with a frustrated and fierce calling for home.
How could she be so desperate to leave while at the same time feel like she had everything to lose in going? She sensed her life had come to be ruled by two separate timers: one counting down to the moment she got on a flight back home, and the other simultaneously counting down her time with Harry. One timer ticking down to something she wanted so much, but it also signified her losing something she had no idea she would get.
Shit, she thought.
&&&
Harry thought it was funny how Alex thought Paul didn't know they were seeing each other.
When he dropped her off at work that morning, she was adamant they go early, and he was not to pull up outside The Daily Dose. Harry had a right mind to call up his mum and apologise for all the times he or his sister asked her to do something similar dropping them off to school.
Alex was wearing the jeans she wore to his house on Saturday—and again on Sunday, evidentially she wasn't bothered wearing them twice in one weekend—and a long-sleeve t-shirt of his from somewhere along the line. It was a teal green Harry had not been keen on in the slightest until he saw Alex in it. She knotted it with a hair tie at her waist to fix it being too long on her. (Harry hadn't said he told her so)
"Do you want to stay over again tonight?" He asked, the engine running as he leant to peer around the street corner towards where the cafe was, "Are you sure I can't just drive you around to the front?
She shook her head at his second question, and then answered his first, "And run into the same clothing problem again?"
Harry smirked and ran his eyes across her chest, thinking of the moments immediately after he saw her wearing his shirt and how he promptly removed it from her, "I don't recall there being any problem."
"Harry!"
"We've broken the weeknight rule now, it's moot," he bargained. Trying not to think about the fact that at any moment, she could get the phone call or email that would mean he'd lose her. Harry wanted nothing more for her than for Alex to have certainty about getting back to her family in Australia, but that didn't mean the selfish half of him wasn't greedy for all the time he could get. "We can go and pick up some stuff from your place, I'll come to pick you up at three."
"You're relentless," she was halfway out, her leg out the car door as she gathered her handbag from the floor.
Harry grinned at her, "Sure am! Now, c'mere," he curled his finger at her, leaning his elbow onto the middle console.
Alex leant forward and kissed him, for all her resistence she couldn't help her next question, "Will you come in later this morning for a coffee?"
"Of course," his palm squeezed her forearm, "Have a good day."
He sat and watched her skip down the street and around the corner through the windscreen, smiling like a fool to himself. The phone number Harry dialled next was automatic, he didn't even think twice about how early it was.
"Good morning, my wonderful, son," his mother answered warmly.
"Morning, mum," Harry checked the traffic behind him and turned out onto the road. "How are you?"
"I'm good, my dear, what a treat to hear from you first thing. What's news from London?"
His whole life, he'd heard people say 'when you know, you know'…
"I've met the woman I'm going to marry, mum."
Well, Harry knew.
&&&
Sixteen
'Time. Suddenly, we got no time'
Two weeks later, on a Tuesday, Harry received the kind of phone call he'd do well to avoid ever getting again.
It had just gone 10pm, which was late for Alex to be awake on a work night.
Harry was spread out on the armchair in his bedroom where he'd been reading for the few hours after dinner. His bed beckoned, but he was trying to get through the final few chapters of his book.
Seeing his girlfriend's name flash up on his phone brought a smile to his face.
"Hey you," he answered, sure that she'd be on the other end of the call, bored or frustrated at not being able to sleep. It immediately became clear though, from the first sound Harry heard from her down the line, that something was very wrong. He listened to a shaky intake of breath and something like a whimper from her, "Alex? What's wrong?"
She pressed her hand into her chest to steady herself, "Can I come over?"
Harry was on his feet, "Yes, yes, of course. I can come to get you, where are you?"
"I'm already in an Uber," she said quietly.
"Are you alright? What's happened," Harry urged again, racing down the stairs from the top storey of his house, turning on all the lights as he went, "Alex?"
It was silly how upset she was, Alex couldn't stop the devastation she felt though, "Jess has gone into labour."
Harry stilled, his heartbreaking for her, "Oh, Alex, babe, I'm sorry."
"Yeah," she breathed out, shakily, "I just don't want to be alone right now."
"Is everything okay, I mean, this is early, right?"
"Jess is fine," Alex relayed, "It's just early."
Fifteen minutes later, Harry got a text saying her Uber was about to turn onto his street. He left the front door wide open and went down to meet her on the curb. He watched the headlights of a dark sedan slowly creep towards him, feeling a heavy dread inside him.
She's not supposed to be here for this, he thought to himself. It wasn't fair.
He thought of the conversations they'd already had about what would happen when Alex got notice of her flight back home. It was all Harry wanted for her, despite the fact it would mean living with his heart outside his body. Despite the fact it would put everything up in the air for him. He was determined to have her in his life, just as he was determined to do nothing but blindly encourage and support her return home.
Alex emerged from the back passenger door, saying a sincere thank you to the driver.
"Hey," Harry greeted her, pleased to see an overnight bag hanging off her shoulder.
"Hi," she stepped up to him and straight into his open arms, squeezing herself as tightly as she could against his chest.
&&&
His leg was numb, but Harry wasn't in any hurry to move.
He and Alex were wedged into the corner of his sofa, her lying between his legs with her torso across his, one of his legs propped up on the back cushion while the other wrapped around her hip on the other side.
It had been a little over an hour since she arrived, and Alex was waiting for a phone call confirming the birth of her sister's baby. The two of them had been quietly chatting back and forth while a quiet album played in the background, Alex teary and struggling while Harry did everything he could do soothe her through the waiting. But there was no feeling better, there was no magical way to fix it for her. Alex was as far away as humanly possible from her family at precisely the time she wanted to be with them. Instead of meeting her niece or nephew in person, Alex would be hearing about them from a phone call.
Harry felt the vibration coming from Alex's phone at the same moment she did. She sniffed against his chest and flipped it over where the screen was lit up with an incoming FaceTime. Harry's hands fell away from where they'd been crossed over her back, he watched Alex sit up between his legs and run her sleeve under her eyes.
"It's my brother-in-law," she told him, surprising Harry when she swiped to accept the video call.
The week before, when Harry told his mum about Alex, it was the first time his family had heard of her. And in the time since, Alex admitted her siblings already knew about him. Still, Harry wasn't sure how much they knew of him, and he didn't feel the need or want to insert himself into such an important family moment. Still, Alex wasn't moving away from him or making it seem at like she wanted to be alone for the call. Harry stayed where he was, looking up at Alex and observing her interaction silently from his spot.
"Alex!" The booming voice of her sister's husband filled Harry's warm, London living room.
She held the phone out in front of her face, face splitting into a colossal smile Harry wished he could bottle, "Matt, how is she? What's going on?"
"Jess is great," Matt told her, the white hospital wall behind him giving nothing away, "She did amazing. And we've got a little boy, Alex. He's perfect, you … You can't imagine how perfect."
Tears leaked out of her eyes instantly, "A boy!"
"A little man," he confirmed joyfully, blind with the love of a new parent.
Harry squeezed Alex's hip, feeling emotional himself. Wishing like anything Alex wasn't doing this over a phone screen. She mopped up her tears with the sleeve of her jumper.
"Show me him, where is he?" Alex was desperate to see her nephew, "Where's Jess?"
"She sent me out here to call you, we don't have great reception in the room," Matt explained. "As soon as she's up and moving, she'll call you herself."
"Oh, okay," Alex tried not to sound too disappointed.
Matt knew her well enough to sense it though, "It's alright, Alex. She's desperate to speak to you, Jess wants to be the one to introduce you to him. He's not looking his best at the moment now, anyway," Matt laughed, "They're kinda misshapen when they come out."
"I'm so happy," Alex said happily. "How are you?"
"Me!" Matt laughed, "I'm great. Your sister is a bloody legend. We miss you though."
"I miss you guys, too, more than ever."
Harry looked away from her face, focusing on the black TV screen across the room.
"You'll be back soon though," Matt was upbeat.
"I can't believe you're a dad!" Alex cried out happily, "I'm going to have to start writing down all the corrupt and illegal things I've witnessed you do, so I can turn your kid against you when they're older."
Matt laughed, "Ah, you fucker. I hope they never let you back in then."
&&&
"I'm such a wanker," Harry said into the blackness of his bedroom, sometime after 1am that evening.
Alex was lying beside him, stretched out across his bed with her legs kicked out on top of the bedding. They had the window open, letting in the warm summer air. It was making Alex feel like she could be at home, in a humid Sydney night.
"Why are you a wanker, Harry?"
"All this time, I've been silently glad you missed your flight back in May… Because it meant I got to mee yout. But after tonight, I—I'm such a dick for being happy about that. You should be with your family right now."
Harry wondered how Alex's usual optimism would measure up to his confession. He'd not seen such emotion from her tonight, her ability to snap her way out of negativity up until that point had been nobel. But she was devastated when he answered his phone earlier in the night, and part of Harry was surprised she wanted to be with him at all at the moment. Surely nothing in London could feel good when she longed so desperately for somewhere else.
"You're not a wanker, Harry."
"Well, I feel like one."
"Were you supposed to be in London right now?"
"Sorry?" He asked.
"If this year had gone how you planned," Alex explained, "Would you have been in London right now? Or in May?"
He thought for a moment, "No, I would have been on tour somewhere. Wasn't going to be in London much this year."
Harry had stopped measuring life by where he was meant to be a few months before, it was driving him mad.
Alex rolled over on her side and pulled Harry's arm against her chest, "Do you want me to say I'm glad your tour got cancelled so we had the chance to meet, to make you feel better?"
"Yes, actually," Harry smiled.
"So glad you've basically lost a year of work, don't know what I would have done without my new piece of London arse."
The next sound was her squeal of surprise when Harry launched himself on top of her, burrying his scratchy cheeks into the hollow of her neck and digging his fingers into her soft sides.
&&&
The next day, Alex got the email.
Notification of Repatriation Flight - London (Heathrow) to Sydney
&&&
Silent Readers: Click here
Act 4, And love blooms in hearts not fields - coming soon!
+++
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Nick Jonas’s New Assistant (Part 9) (Warning: Mentions of Smut)
Part 1 Part 8
You get a call one day, someone asking you to fill a personal assistant job. They give you little information as to who for, but when you found out, things get a little more interesting.
This is the first day back to things being "normal" after I made my deal with Nick. Once he disappeared up the stairs I went back to my apartment. I had thought all night about what he meant by "the game begins." Nick isn't one to back down from a challenge, and now that I agreed to this deal I know he isn't going down easy. I guess it's just going to be a fight over who wants it more. Problem is, I am already close to cracking, close to confessing how much I love him, and now it's going to be even harder to keep that in, but I'm certainly going to try.
I grin when I walk out the door of my apartment and see George, I give him a tight hug before we make our way into the car. We spend the drive to Nicks house talking about how the date with his wife went. I was glad because it kept my mind off of how terrified I am to show up today. This whole thing is going to take a lot of willpower that I am not sure I have, but I guess we will see.
Once we get to Nick's I thank George and slowly slide out of the car. Taking a deep breath and smoothing out my clothes and hair before finally walking up to the door. I open it slowly, and thankfully the house is like it usually is, empty. No parade of flower petals leading me up the stairs or a band singing love songs in the living room, just Nick's normal house. I breathe a sigh of relief, stepping all the way inside. Today at 9:30am Nick has an interview, then a lunch at noon with his tour manager, and at 3:30 a photoshoot to help promote the tour. Then, after that at 6:30 we have dinner with Paul to discuss the meeting with the tour manager. So, in short, we have a packed day and there will be no escaping early. As I've said so many times before, I love my job, but I know today isn't going to be easy.
I look at my watch, its 8:30am. I set my bag down on the counter and start the coffee like usual before making my way up to Nick's room. It's honestly impressive that he never gets himself up, but it's all part of the job I guess. I knock on the door before cracking it a bit, I can see into the room enough that I see him still lying in bed, I let out a small sigh of relief when I see he's alone (an honestly rare sight). I know it would be better for me right now if he wasn't alone, if there was a girl naked in his bed like usual, but despite the fact that I wish it didn't, it would still hurt me if there was.
"Nick, its 8:30, we have somewhere to be at 9:30" I speak confidently, like I usually would. I'm not going to let anything that has happened waver me or hinder the way I do my job.
He groans, rolling over and letting his tired eyes flicker open. He speaks in a groggy voice, "okay okay, I'm coming."
That's all. That's all he says. I don't know what I was expecting, but I didn't really think "the game begins" would be this, although I am so grateful for it. "Okay, hurry up." I say before happily making my way down the stairs. This might be easier than I thought.
I'm already sipping my coffee, going over a few things for the day when Nick heads down the stairs. I look at the clock. 8:50am. Perfect. I hand him his coffee mug without taking my eyes off of my phone. A small thanks drifts through the air, but I still don't look.
"What is going on at 9:30?" His voice finally pulls my eyes off my phone screen and onto him. Does he really not know? Unlike him.
"Interview. The interviewers name is Kathy, the questions should mostly be regarding your newest album and the tour we're working on."
He just nods, sips at his coffee and pulls his phone from his pocket. At this point, I don't know if I should be relieved or terrified, but I am going to go with the benefit of the doubt and try my best to stay relieved.
The car ride was normal, like it always is. Nick and I just talking like best friends. Nothing more, nothing less. When we pull up to the studio where the interview is at, we have to drive carefully through tons of screaming teenage girls, guards on either side trying their best to hold them back. This is something I still haven't gotten used to. It's so normal for us, but still so strange. I think this is also another reason I don't want my relationship with Nick to change. Can I handle how much pure hatred is going to be thrown my way just for loving him? I decide not to think about it too much and focus on prepping Nick for some questions that may come up during his interview.
We do the typical swift run inside past fans and are greeted with smiles from the crew waiting inside. I am watching Nick get ready. He is just acting so normal. Way too normal. It's throwing me off. It's kind of like I don't know what to do with myself. I expected something so grand, and I got normal, but isn't that what I wanted? Wait, is this what he wanted? To get me all in my head? Ugh. I don't know and I fucking hate this.
I'm startled by a hand being placed on my shoulder, pulling me out of my thoughts.
"Sorry! Didn't mean to startle you, just wanted to ask if we can go ahead and start." It's the production manager.
"Oh yeah, of course. Sorry I was a little zoned out there" I laugh softly.
Nick looks at me, gives me a small wink and steps on stage. Again, being way too fucking normal.
The interview wraps, and we make our way back out of the studio. Nick had me arrange for more security to join the ones that were already here because he wanted to take some time to meet with fans and take photos, but without enough security its dangerous. Once we step outside the screams erupt. It's almost deafening. I really should start carrying earplugs around with me.
As I'm standing back, watching him take pictures and sign things I notice large flashing lights, paparazzi. Another thing that's hard to get used to. At things like this they are usually pretty tame, but sometimes the following you everywhere and screaming at you gets to be too much. It's a big chunk of the reason when Nick and I hang out with stay at his place. Paparazzi is everywhere even without you knowing it. One time, we were craving ice cream at like 1:30 in the morning so we ran to the gas station maybe 5 minutes away from his house and the next morning there were at least 25 pictures of us literally just getting ice cream. The backlash of it didn't help much either. This was early in me being his assistant so not many people knew of me, meaning that dating rumors were swirling, and I was getting hate thrown my way left and right. We had to make a public statement that I was his assistant just to get it to stop. It was kind of a mess. I couldn't even imagine what I would have to deal with if we were actually dating.
After a while of meeting with fans we make our way into the car. We are, thankfully, perfectly on time. "So, how are you feeling about tour coming up?" I ask him.
He shrugs a bit. "I love tour, it's fun to travel and meet new people everywhere you go, but it's also the most stressful thing on the planet." He laughs, "I'm sure Paul will do some sessions to prepare you for it, but I know you can handle it."
I've never been on tour with anyone. The only other people I have worked for have been boring business men, so the most fun we had was company parties. This life is so new to me and tour life is even newer, but I'm also kind of excited. I know it will be crazy, but how bad could it be traveling with my best friend? Also, the guys in his band are so fucking cool. But I hope he is right, I hope I can handle it.
When we get to lunch we are greeted with big hugs from his tour manager, we have met with him quite a few times over the past few months, since tour is getting closer and closer, so we have definitely gotten to know each other a bit. He is a super nice guy, and super funny, always cracking jokes. The lunch stays mostly business since we are on a time crunch, with the photoshoot being soon. Usually, if we have time the 3 of us sit and talk for hours, but this time its quick and to the point and we are off to the next thing.
I am sitting across the room from nick as the crew is getting him ready for the photoshoot. I am trying to get some talking points together for our dinner with Paul, but I can't concentrate. Nick is sitting in the chair with his shirt off and I can't take my eyes off of him. I just keep thinking about the other night, our bodies pressed together, his length filling me up and pounding into me, me practically begging him to never stop. I shake my head. No Y/N stop it. I can't think about that...man is it going to be hard to not think about that... He eventually stands up and he catches me staring at him, he gives me a little wink before speaking loud enough that I can hear him from across the room.
"Take a picture, it will last longer." I know he's doing this to fuck with me. I lift my hand, shaking my head and flipping him off. He laughs before being whisked away by the crew.
I'm watching the photoshoot now and he looks so fucking good, my mind drifts off a bit once again. It's like I can hear his groans in my ear again, him telling me so sternly to cum for him, my legs are practically shaking just at the thought. Fuck. This is not good. I pull myself out of my head and try my best to get back to work.
"I saw you staring at me during the photoshoot." The words catch me off guard, but I try to not let him notice that. We are in the car on the way to dinner. I don't say anything back and pretend to stay focused on my work, but he speaks again. "You know, you really can take all the pictures of me you want, just to remember me by, of course." He speaks teasingly, and I roll my eyes, finally shooting a retort at him.
"I think I'm okay on that, I sadly have to stare at your face too much already."
He laughs, "Oo okay, that one hurt, I can't lie, but..." He leans in closer to me and then lowers his voice so only the two of us can hear "I don't know if that's what you were thinking when you were begging me to fuck you harder the other night." My breath hitches. That, I definitely wasn't expecting. The throbbing between my thighs is back but I try my best to ignore it. I need to think of something to say back and I need to think of it quick, but it's hard when all I want to do is jump on top of him and have him fuck me until I can't take it anymore, but instead I playfully push him away from me and snap back with an annoyed, yet joking tone, "ah, ya see, I was just being nice that night. I didn't want to hurt your feelings."
He leans back even further, clutching his heart dramatically "Wow, that one stung." He drops his hand. "Good thing I know it's a lie. I just hope all that staring at me means you're thinking about it, because I certainty spend a lot of my time thinking about" His words come out so nonchalantly. The throbbing between my thighs is growing more intense and the thought of him just simply thinking about fucking me is driving me insane.
'Not a lie." Is all I can manage to say.
Dinner went smoothly and quickly, so we get back to Nick's at a decent time. The second we are both out of the car I am swooped up off of my feet. I small terrified noise leaves my mouth before I realize it's Nick. Once I do I can't help my laugh and try to squirm away from him.
"I'm sorry but what the fuck are you doing?" I say in between attempts to make him set me free.
He's just laughing. Honestly, I'm not trying too hard to get away, his arms wrapped tightly around me being something I am not mad about in the slightest.
"Will you quit." He says, walking us up to the house. "I was just making sure you didn't try and run away to your apartment already."
I would've too. I would've got right into the front seat and had George take me home. But I lie "Well, number one, I wasn't going to run away, and number two, please put me the fuck down."
He puts me down but only once we are inside. I give him a clearly joking yet still angry look as I try and straighten myself out. "You know, we are adults, you could have asked me nicely to stay."
"Yeah, but where is the fun in that?" He speaks with a wink, heading into the living room.
We watch movies all night and the feeling of normalcy is something I needed. We just had fun and cracked jokes the whole time while stuffing our faces with snacks. I didn't realize until now that I truly really, really needed this. I wasn't just scared of what Nick was going to be like today, but I was scared if we could even act kind of normal around each other, but tonight means we can and that is giving me so much hope that everything is going to be okay.
I have to call it quits around 1 am, I have to be back here early and while I would normally stay here, with this little deal we have going on I am not risking it. Nick walks me to the door, but as I am about to walk out of it he stops me. I turn to him, thinking I forgot something, but once our eyes meet his hands are gently placing themselves on my cheeks. He isn't saying anything, he's just looking at me and I am looking right back. My heart is practically melting. I wish I could just tell him how I feel, but I don't. I just keep looking. We are like this for a few seconds before I see his eyes sadden. I want to grab him, to do anything and everything to take his sadness away, but I don't move.
"Nick..." I speak softly.
He doesn't say anything. His hands drop from my cheeks and he steps back, but I don't move. It's like my body won't let me turn away from him, won't let our eyes pull from each other. It takes ever ounce of myself to finally turn away from him. It's like I can feel pieces of my heart falling to the ground.
Now it's clear. This is going to be the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
#Nick Jonas#nickjonas#nick Jonas x reader#nick jonasxreader#love#falling in love#fallinginlove#jonas brothers#Jonas#joe jonas#Kevin Jonas#fanfiction#fan fiction#fanfic#fluff#romance#romantic#y/n#nick Jonas x y/n
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RUPERT FRIEND
By Emily Blunt
Photography Sølve Sundsbø
Published February 17, 2009
The tale of young Rupert Friend begins like many other British coming-of-age stories: in a quaint, almost anachronistic one-horse village in the English countryside. But unlike so many other legends of English lore, Mr. Friend’s journey so far has not involved any kings or warlocks or elves or quests for magical golden rings (though the same cannot be said for tights, which Friend has donned on more than one occasion). His trajectory has been somewhat more earthy: grew up in the county of Oxfordshire in a house with no VCR; became enthralled with the idea of traveling around the world when he saw his first film in a theater, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989); decided it was his destiny to be like Indiana Jones; discovered that Indiana Jones was an archaeologist, and that most archaeologists aren’t as proficient with whips or as prolific in their love lives, which thus makes the profession slightly less appealing; realized, though, that the person playing Indiana Jones, Harrison Ford, is an actor, and he seems to be having a fine time of it; and thusly embarks on a career in the performing arts.
After attending drama school at Webber Douglas Academy of Dramatic Art in London, Friend’s professional acting career got off to a fast start with roles opposite Johnny Depp in Laurence Dunmore’s The Libertine (2004) and his future girlfriend, Keira Knightley, in Joe Wright’s Pride & Prejudice (2005). But as with every good coming-of-age story, there’s a time when the protagonist must step up and be his own man. That moment appears to have arrived for the 27-year-old Friend. Having recently done duty in the British WWII drama The Boy in the StripedPajamas (2008), Friend stars with Michelle Pfeiffer in Stephen Frears’s upcoming Chéri, based on the Colette novel of the same name, and is the male lead in The Young Victoria, a film about the life of Britain’s Queen Victoria, in which he plays Prince Albert to his interviewer here Emily Blunt’s Queen V.
EMILY BLUNT: Tell me about growing up in Oxfordshire. I remember taking a little tour around there and you showed me the corner store where there used to be a girl who you pined for.
RUPERT FRIEND: That wasn’t my village we were in; it was the next village along. But they’re the kind of villages in that area where there’s only one of everything—the boy who bullies you, the shopkeeper who gives you sweets, and the girl you pine for. And then there’s the butcher who does his work by hand with a sword, which was always quite frightening. He didn’t have a fridge either. There were whole carcasses just sitting on a wooden table. It was quite weird. He closed down, and now I know why. But when I was 8 years old, I didn’t know why what he was doing was bad.
EB: You didn’t buy your meat from there, did you?
RF: We didn’t, no. But then the postmistress was also in love with the postman . . . I mean, the village was a little bit like Dylan Thomas and Postman Pat all mixed together. The whole environment was sort of great because there wasn’t any notion of culture or anything contemporary at all.
EB: Now, this childhood bully—did you ever get into fights growing up?
RF: Was I bullied? Um . . . I was fought. I wouldn’t say they were actually fights, because fight implies that there were two people involved, and I don’t think I ever managed to successfully hit back.
EB: So were you not allowed to go to the cinema much as a kid?
RF: We didn’t ever go to the cinema.
EB: Why not?
RF: I don’t know. We didn’t have a video player at home either. I didn’t have a deprived childhood or anything, but watching movies wasn’t something that we did. One of my uncles took me to my first movie in a cinema—Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.
EB: Was Harrison Ford your first man-crush?
RF: Indiana Jones more than Harrison Ford himself was—and still is—quite a big man-crush of mine. You know, the guy who’s on the adventure with the hat and the whip and the leather jacket . . . But Harrison is a big man-crush, too. He’s a very cool guy.
EB: Were there any other actors who you really looked up to and wanted to be like?
RF: Marlon Brando.
EB: Now, you see, it’s interesting that you say that, because I know that you have a loathing for crowd opinions, but no one will deny that Marlon Brando was like a wild animal amongst the stage performers around in his time . . .
RF: I think that may be a mixed metaphor, what you just said.
EB: Really?
RF: You said he was like a wild animal, and then I think you wanted to say something like, “among the tame cats,” but I think you miffed it.
EB: Rupert, this is what annoys me about you.
RF: [laughs] But, yes, okay. And then on the back of Brando, I would say that Elia Kazan and Tennessee Williams and that period of writing and directing became a big thing for me. And then Paul Newman and that side of things. And then, in terms of writing, there were people like Dylan Thomas and Jack Kerouac. I did a lot of reading into Kerouac and his contemporaries. I mean, On the Road completely changed the way I looked at what you could do with your life.
EB: Were your parents concerned about you going into this business?
RF: I mean, it’s a pretty risky one. And it’s tough because you probably don’t want your kids to take risks. But then you realize that they like taking them.
EB: I know it’s obnoxious when actors talk about acting, but do you feel like what we do is a worthwhile job? Do you think it’s valuable?
RF: Well, first thing, I wouldn’t call it a job. If it’s a job for you then you’re probably in the wrong profession. It’s like playing dress-up. It’s like make-believe. It’s like you’re suddenly given the key to the doors of these fantastical worlds. And, by the way, you’re going to get paid to do it . . . So I wouldn’t be grumbling about it. It’s more like, “Where do I sign up?” I mean, I’m not intelligent enough to be a doctor, and kind of hands down you can’t argue with the worth of that. But I don’t really have an opinion about the worth of making art. All I would say is that when I’ve been very down, or having kind of a tough time in my life, certain films or pieces of music or books have changed that. They’ve taken me out of a dark place and put me into a more positive one. And I think that if we can do that for people, then it’s certainly worth doing.
EB: So you live in London now. Could you imagine living anywhere else?
RF: Oh, yeah. The one thing I couldn’t imagine is stopping still. I can only go places because I know that I can go away from them, if that makes sense. I like the gypsy lifestyle that filming affords. I like being in different places and finding weird pubs on rivers, like the one you and I found when we were making The Young Victoria. I’ve had some great experiences that have come from this lifestyle—ones that I wouldn’t have had otherwise.
EB: And I don’t necessarily see that as restlessness. I think it has more to do with seeing life in a limitless way, with being alive.
RF: I do, too. I mean, I have a base, but it’s not a geographical one. It’s where certain people are. For me, a base isn’t about bricks and mortar or an address on a postcard.
EB: You have an eye for detail. When you walked into the room to read for the part of Prince Albert with me for The Young Victoria, I was literally like, “Thank God,” because you have a very natural, quiet dignity about you as an actor. I mean, you understood Albert, didn’t you?
RF: I think so. You’ve got to remember that Albert lives with an empress, and she’s someone who became an empress when she was just a girl. And she’s made one or two mistakes along the way, but she’s ultimately had the strength to continue being that empress, you know, for a fuck of a long time. And I think it takes quite a strong man to say, “My woman will always achieve more than I ever will, she will always have more power than I’ll ever have, and she will probably be more popular than I’ll ever be. And I don’t care.”
EB: Because he loved her.
RF: Yes. And that, to me, is about as close to the definition of a man as I’ve ever gotten.
EB: I know that, in addition to acting, you wrote and produced a short film, but would you ever want to direct?
RF: I don’t know. I think it’s a very hard job to do well. You’re kind of responsible for everyone and everything. There are two qualities that I’ve noticed in good directors: One is that they have their vision very strongly in place; and two is that they listen to everyone’s opinion and still remember their vision. People who don’t listen to anyone else tend to get it wrong, and people who sort of dither between what everyone else says do too. It’s a very hard balance and it can produce some pretty good rows. But that’s what I sort of want as an actor. I don’t want to be a pushover for anyone. I want everyone to row until we all suddenly go, “Oh, yeah, that’s much better.” And not because someone is right, but because we’ve all talked it out.
EB: So, finally, how do you like your steak done?
RF: Rare. Hopping off the plate.
EB: Still pulsing?
RF: Yeah. Bloody, bloody rare.
#words with friend#rupert friend#interview#interviewmagazine.com#emily blunt#the young victoria#2009
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War of the Gargantuas
I know it’s not fair to go WTF, Japan? Japan has an entire film industry that I am mostly unfamiliar with. They produce spy thrillers and romcoms and historical dramas in far greater numbers than they do weird-ass monster movies, and I really shouldn’t judge other countries’ cinema when I come from the land that produced Phil the Alien and Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter. But then I watch something like War of the Gargantuas and I just… WTF, Japan?
In the first three minutes of this movie, a giant octopus with pulsating red eyes attacks a ship, but a shaggy green giant shows up, pounds the mollusk into submission… and then sinks the boat himself because fuck boats, I guess. The Maritime Safety Board call the heavily medicated Dr. Paul Stuart, who had a ‘young gargantua’ in captivity a few years ago. The creature escaped, but Dr. Stuart and his assistant Akemi insist that it was very gentle and tame, and could never have grown into such a monster. Further investigation reveals that there are two gargantuas, the green one living in the sea and a brown one up in the mountains – and that the green one grew, Reptilicus-style, from a scrap of flesh lost by the brown one! This means, sure enough, that if you blow them to bits you’ll end up with a whole army of the things. Fortunately, no movie with more than one kaiju in it has ever ended without the two of them fighting to the death!
Actually, the ending is way stupider than that. The two giants are in the ocean, kicking each other’s asses, when deus ex volcano suddenly erupts underneath them. This sucked in Legend of the Dinosaurs and sure enough, it sucks here, too. It does provide a solution to the thing where any still-living scrap will grow back, but it renders everything the human characters have done ultimately pointless.
That means, yep, this is yet another movie in which the so-called heroes do nothing! Stuart and Akemi definitely get the most screen time. They travel from place to place, looking for clues and having dull conversations, and a couple of times Akemi gets into peril so that Stuart and the brown giant can save her, but they never really do anything. Nick Adams as Stuart looks like he has about as much idea what’s going on as Tom Holland in any given Avengers movie. Judging by the movements of his lips, he’s speaking English while his co-stars’ lines are in Japanese, so it’s entirely possible he really doesn’t know what anybody’s saying. He wanders around and mutters his lines like he’s high as a kite.
The closest Stuart and Akemi come to doing anything important is in flashback, where we get a brief look at them raising the baby gargantua they found somewhere. This creature looks like a cross between bigfoot and one of those Japanese hot spring monkeys, and we’re supposed to infer a special bond between him and Akemi as she teaches him to drink with a straw. In the movie proper, our supposed heroes urge the military not to blow the giants apart, and insist that the brown one is nice and should be allowed to live. They fail, unequivocally, in both of these endeavors. The army just keeps shooting at the giants with or without permission, and the general decides that the brown giant is an acceptable loss if they can kill the green one. It might have worked slightly better if Brown had been saved by chance at the end, but he isn’t – the volcanic eruption consumes them both.
Since Stuart and Akemi don’t do much, the closest thing we have to an arc in this movie is, believe it or not, the two monsters. They represent the two sides of the kaiju coin – green is the monster that destroys humans, brown is the gentle creature that protects them. The dual nature of Godzilla and his brethren was sufficiently well-established by 1966 that this might be an intentional attempt to comment on the genre, and it’s presented far more explicitly than the ‘good’ and ‘evil’ of monsters in a lot of films. Brown is good and leaves humans alone, except when they need his help – then he goes so far out of his way to save Akemi than he actually breaks a leg when a boulder falls on it. Green is evil, and actively seeks out humans to hurt them.
Green’s behaviour is at times quite shocking for a movie of this type. In a lot of Japanese monster movies, particularly the ones in which the monsters become characters rather than mere forces of nature, human deaths are more implied than shown. We may get shots of people running and screaming and debris falling, and that one guy hanging on to the tree in every single movie that ever had Rodan in it. The aftermath may show people in shelters or hospitals, but the monsters fight in empty streets and we’re often told that the cities they’re smashing have been evacuated. Even when people do die, it’s more as a side effect of a giant creature moving around in a restricted environment. The green giant, however, actually picks up humans and eats them, spitting out the bloody clothes when he’s done! More than once we are actually shown somebody screaming in his grip as he raises the unfortunate victim to his mouth!
This dichotomy could provide the monsters with a good reason to fight, with a lot at stake for the humans, but War of the Gartantuas doesn’t make proper use of the idea. We are never given a clear motive for the conflict that develops between the two giants. When we first see them together, Brown is rescuing Green from the humans who want to hurt him, helping him hide from them and cleaning his wounds. This brotherly relationship falls apart immediately once Brown rescues Akemi, but Green was not the one who put Akemi in danger. Perhaps Brown takes exception to Green eating people, but he never sees Green do that, either. Perhaps he’s supposed to be upset that Green has turned the humans against them both, but the scene in which tourists run screaming from a giant, we can’t see well enough to know if it’s Brown or Green. A little more insight into what the two monsters think of each other and how those feelings change could have been quite interesting.
All this means that even though War of the Gargantuas sounds like it should be ridiculous enough to be a good time, it doesn’t really have a lot to offer. On a level of plot and visuals, this one emerges straight from the pits of WTF Japan that gave us Godzilla vs Megalon and Prince of Space. We have two hairy ogre-faced giants and a gratuitous monster octopus! We’ve got laser gun battles and pretty women in peril and plot twists that make no goddamn sense! Unfortunately, we’re never sufficiently interested in any of these characters, even the monsters, to really care, and the stupid ending leaves us wondering what happened to the WTF Japan movie we started with. I cannot decide if the film takes itself too seriously or not seriously enough, but I feel like a slight nudge in either direction might have done wonders.
In This Island Earth the characters were pretty useless but at least their were some nice things to look at. War of the Gargantuas doesn’t even have much by way of spectacle. Some of the mountain scenery is very nice and tehre’s at least one very pretty matte painting, but there’s very little destruction of miniatures outside of one absolutely stellar moment when Green picks up a row of tanks, one by one, and throws them – each one lands squarely on somebody’s house, which is utterly destroyed… because fuck houses too, they’re basically land boats, am I right? Having discovered that the green giant is afraid of light, the army tries to fight it with lasers. The effect for this is okay but not very interesting, and there are a couple of shots in which the giant costume is definitely on fire. I hope the guy inside it was okay.
Insofar as the movie has anything to say, there’s some vestige present of a point about the trouble that develops when wildlife becomes acclimatized to a human presence. At the beginning of the movie, the green gargantua is afraid of light, and so both the army and civilians use light to force him back into the ocean. Later, however, he realizes that light means people and people mean food. This is somewhat similar to what happens when bears, for example, learn that they can get food from campgrounds. The bears leave their natural niches to go for these easier meals, thus putting both themselves and the humans in danger. The situation is magnified in the movie because people are literally what Green eats, although it never tells us how or why he developed a taste for them.
If this were intended, then the movie neuters it just as it neuters the main human characters, by ending in a volcanic eruption. It’s a dumb coincidence that sucks all the impact out of the film like a narrative black hole.
War of the Gargantuas has also got one of the worst musical numbers I’ve ever seen in a movie, including some of the crap that was on MST3K! There’s a gratuitous song performed by a terrible singer (the song itself is not very good, but it’s mostly her) on a restaurant balcony, oblivious to the monster looming up behind her. I can just hear Tom and Crow chanting “eat her! Eat her!” while Jonah tries helplessly to convince them that’s wrong.
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