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storiesofsvu · 1 year

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Love Comes Quietly Ch 9

*not my gif* Alex Blake x reader warnings: language, alcohol consumption, usual BAU/unsub type case work, flirtation. chaotic emily.

“I think I have a crush on Alex…”

“And you’re just realizing this now?” Emily groaned, letting out a laugh, “Jesus Christ I thought this was about work! Do you know what time it is?”

“I couldn’t sleep!” You shot back.

“I don’t know what this is about.” Rossi’s tired voice broke through the conversation and the two of you jumped, looking toward him as he wandered down the hallway toward the two of you, “but this,” he raised his phone, “is about work. We’ve gotta get back to D.C.”

“Alright.” Emily sighed, squeezing at your arm, “I’ll drive you, go wake up Blake, we’ll get the rest of the team.”

“I can feel you fucking vibrating from here.” Emily grumbled, her eyes moving from the road ahead of the SUV over to you, “you gonna explain now?”

“I thought I already did?” You practically shrieked and she laughed, “I think I’m crushing on Blake!”

“Oh because this is some wildly new development that none of us could have seen coming!”

“Stop!” You shot her a glare.

“At least we’ve finally got some fucking progress.” She teased, “so what sparked this?”

“Oh I don’t know!” You rolled your eyes, dropping back into the seat, “maybe just fucking waking up curled in her arms close enough that her shampoo was invading my fucking senses.”

“What!?” Emily’s eyes shot to you, her hand shooting out to punch you in the shoulder, “you two already fucking slept together and you didn’t tell me!!”

“Eyes on the road!” You punched her back, “you just missed the exit.”

“Fuck.” She muttered.

“And not like that!” You groaned, grabbing the coffee from the cup holder to take a swig, “we… may or may not have been sleeping in the same bed for like, the past… two weeks?”

“Are you kidding me?!” Emily gaped before turning the car into a parking lot to turn around, “how the fuck did you not mention that earlier!?”

“It wasn’t important!”

“Oh sure!”

“We both have bad insomnia, figured it would help and it turns out it did.”

“Okay so what makes you think you’ve got a crush now?”

“Remember the warehouse?” You asked, your voice quiet and Emily’s gaze softened as she looked over at you, “I think it really started that night. I was in a bad place, Alex… she helped me through it. She was there for me when I was trying to turn everyone else away. And that kinda made me realize that she had already always been there! She’s supported me since the day we fucking met, she gave me a place to live, she helped me with the job, she’s… a fucking gem. And after that first night? Falling asleep in her arms? Holy shit Emily, I mean, I didn’t think it would spark shit but like, I haven’t slept that well in forever.”

“God you really are smitten.” She teased with a grin.

“I fucking hate you.” You scowled in her direction and she cackled, “I thought it was just like, appreciation and friendship at first. And then… something shifted, suddenly it felt like butterflies and I had a very vivid sex dream last night. I couldn’t be in the room any longer after waking up with her in the next bed.”

“Sharing bed at home but not on the road? God, I wish we had more time to unpack this.” Emily muttered, pulling into the parking lot.

“I am not telling you what happened in the dream.”

“Oh c’mon! Why not?! It’d be fun!”

“We’re at work right now.” You pointed out, unbuckling your seatbelt and opening the car door, “you are my boss, this is wildly inappropriate!”

“Oh what, you gonna call HR on me?” Emily called after you with a laugh, a wicked grin on her face.

The team debriefed on the jet on the way back to Quantico, reading through case files, picking through crime scene photos and tossing ideas around. Two weeks ago the body of a woman in her thirties had been found abandoned in an alley way, she’d been dressed like she was having a night out on the town, alcohol in her system when they did the autopsy. It had been presumed that she’d just ran into a bad apple sometime during her night and dealt with by the local police. When the second body was found there wasn’t anything to connect the two, local pd brushed it off on a one time murder and moved on with their lives. The only connection was that they were in an area of town that night clubbers frequented, easy targets, that was it.

It was when the third and fourth bodies were found, these two together that the locals realized there was likely more to it. The last two were both female, after talking to family and the friends they had been with that evening it was discovered they were a couple, they’d been out celebrating their engagement.

“What’re those marking on their wrists?” Spencer asked, his eyes narrowing as he tried to make it out on the crime scene photos. Emily leaned over, looking to where he was pointing, “it looks like it could be an apple?”

“It’s a peach.” Emily replied, sitting back in her chair, “A League of Her Own.”

“That old baseball movie?” He asked, looking over at her and she laughed.

“Well, technically yeah, but it’s also a lesbian bar over on eighteenth. Their admission stamp is a peach.”

“All these bodies were found early Sunday morning.” You pointed out, flipping through a file.

“So the unsub’s got a schedule.” Morgan commented and you nodded.

“And it’s Saturday.” Emily sighed, “which is why we needed to get back right away.”

“It’s not as clear but the first two bodies have the same stamp.” Alex glanced up from the file in her lap, “our unsub is definitely hunting at this bar.”

“The question remains,” Rossi started, “are they targeting the bar itself, or queer women?”

“I’ll have local pd start to canvas the bar,” Penelope commented through the screen, “find out if there’s any bigger connections between the victims, maybe one of them worked there?”

“See if we can get a guest list for the last few Saturdays.” Emily instructed, “and scan through social media tags and geotags to find witnesses, if there was someone lurking around they would’ve noticed it.”

“Talk to every one of their bouncers, if someone was kicked out on any of those nights it might’ve been a trigger.” Morgan commented.

“On it.” Penelope cut out of the screen with a smile.

“So what’s our plan?” JJ asked, looking across the jet to Emily.

“I think the best thing we can do right now is make sure to have someone in there tonight undercover.” She replied, eyes drifting over to you.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” You asked immediately, your eyes widening, “I don’t like it when you look at me like that.”

“You’re in the right age range of the other vics.” Emily shrugged and your eyes narrowed at her, “Blake, you’ll go with her.”

“I will?” Alex’s head shot up, praying her cheeks weren’t turning as pink as they felt as she silently begged Emily to not play this game right now.

“Look at the age gap of the couple, maybe this unsub has mommy issues.” She said it casually enough no one else would pick up on it but all you wanted was to disappear into your seat, glaring her down hard enough that if looks could kill, she’d be incinerated right there on the jet, “c’mon, you two are the most comfortable with each other, you spend enough time together, you’re practically married, you could fool anyone. Murphy, didn’t your jacket say something about excelling in undercover work?”

“I guess it did.” You dropped back into your seat with a sigh.

“Blake, any issues?” She glanced her way and Alex cleared her throat.

“Nope.” She shook her head, purposely avoiding your gaze, knowing her cheeks would absolutely burn if she looked your way.

“Good, then get cozy.” Emily smirked one last time in your direction before glancing down at the file in her lap.

Tonight it was your turn to be the one tearing up the coaster as you stood at a high top table waiting for Alex to come back with drinks. Your fingers drumming on the table as you chewed on your lip, nerves trickling their way through your body. A drink was placed down to your side and you felt her hand on the small of your back and tried not to jump as a drink appeared in front of you and her hand slid down your arm, interlacing her fingers with yours and her lips practically brushed against the shell of your ear.

“You need to calm down.” She murmured, her free hand coming up to brush your hair behind your shoulder, “the unsub will either make us or get scared off and go for someone else.”

“Fuck, sorry. I know.” You let out a huff, turning your head to smile softly at her and Alex couldn’t help the instinct to lean in and press a kiss to your cheek before she settled perpendicular to you, leaning against the table. “I guess it just feels weird.”

“Spending time with me?” Alex teased with a laugh, though she was currently completely on the same page, this whole faking it thing certainly wasn’t helping the conflicting arguments in her brain.

“No.” You laughed, “being on a date.” Your voice lowered to not be overheard, “pretend or not.”

“When was your last one?” She asked, her hand remaining linked with yours on the table top, thumb rubbing over your knuckles as she picked up her drink.

“Bout a year ago.” Your brow scrunched as you tried to remember a proper timeline, “I was complaining to Daniela about how horrible tinder was and she tried to set me up.”

“Ever the matchmaker that one.” Alex laughed and you couldn’t help but smile, thinking about yet another connection you had, and the one that had technically brought you together in the first place. “I take it, it didn’t go successfully?”

“Have you seen me parading any girlfriends around the house?” You replied with a laugh, picking up your drink to take a sip, “mmm, is this—”

“You’ve been on a gin kick recently.” She smiled with a shrug and you did your best not to blush.

Outside in the van Emily had to hold back a groan, rolling her eyes at the two of you.

“I didn’t realize you’d noticed.”

“You tend to change your drink with the season.” She explained, “gin or mojitos when it’s warmer, cooler weather it’s more red wine, maybe a nice bourbon, and you always opt for more complicated drinks when you’re out.”

“Okay I don’t need you to profile my drink menu.” You muttered softly with a laugh and Alex couldn’t help smiling across at you, “have you ever noticed you crave Indian food on cold nights?”

“I—” Alex stopped, ducking her gaze while she laughed again, looking back up at you, “I hadn’t made the correlation, no.” You chuckled, feeling the familiar sensation of warmth blooming through your veins as you gazed across at her, wondering if somehow this could be real.

Before you could speak again, Emily’s voice nearly jolted you out of your daydream, echoing through your earpiece, knowing Alex was hearing the same, “potential unsub number one just walked in the door, you two may need to amp it up a bit.”

You had your back to the door but Alex’s eyes flicked in that direction, giving you the tiniest nod to confirm what Emily had said and you wordlessly slipped closer to her. Her hand moved from yours to rest on your thigh, her thumb stroking at you softly and you did your best to keep your heart rate under control.

Alex watched as the man made his way through the crowd, her eyes darting between him and you, keeping a grin on her lips as you continued your small talk. He picked up a drink from the bar before he began his own searching through the crowd. She felt her heart leap in her chest, so much of her wishing this was under a different circumstance, but she reached out, brushing your hair back behind your ear mid conversation, letting her fingers trail down your jaw, thumb soothing across your cheek and for a moment she could’ve sworn the blush on your cheeks was real. She leant closer to make sure your conversation wouldn’t be overheard,

“He’s got eyes on us and if you ask me he’s about to make a decision.”

“So what’s your play?” You murmured back, glancing up at her with a raised brow.

“Follow my lead and don’t hate me for it.” She muttered back and before you could even think her hand was back on your cheek and you were surging forward to meet her lips in a kiss.

A kiss that you were certain you would never forget, your own hand quickly coming up to the back of her neck, wishing you could pull her closer to you. Your lips moved gracefully in a dance it felt like you’d known forever but never gotten to perform before, like it was exactly where they belonged. Alex felt the burst in her chest, unable to control it, running her tongue along the seam of your lips and you eagerly opened them, letting her tongue surge into your mouth. It was as if she sucked all of the oxygen from your lungs, everything in the world disappeared except for her, she invaded every single one of your senses and you never wanted the moment to end. Alex couldn’t help it, her other hand coming to rest on your waist, practically wanting to yank you off the stool so she could feel the press of your body against hers. She never wanted to stop kissing you, you were without a doubt her favourite kiss, the one she wanted to experience over and over again, the one that she wanted to wake up to, to go to sleep to and she was completely lost in the moment.

That was until you were both wrenched back to reality at Emily’s voice in your ear’s, “good work. He’s headed your way.”

You very reluctantly pulled away, lips curving up into grins against each other as Alex stole another kiss and you prayed you weren’t blushing as much as you thought you were. Her hand came up, smoothing back a piece of your hair and you giggled, a sound that made her nearly melt. You reached out for your drink, taking another sip before the two of you managed to control yourselves back into the mindless pretend conversation. You felt a presence at your back, an arm nearly wrapped around you before the unsub came into your vison on the other side, placing himself between the two of you.

“Evening ladies.” He greeted with a smug grin, “don’t suppose I could steal this one away for a dance or two?” His arm squeezed around you and you let out an uncharacteristic giggle “maybe buy you a round of drinks?” You glanced towards Alex as Emily’s voice rang through the ear piece again.

“Murphy he just spiked your drink. Pretend to finish it but do not swallow a fucking drop, then accept that dance and let him get you outside, play the part, we’ve got him.”

“As long as it’s okay with her, sounds great.” You smiled back at him, glancing towards Alex again.

“Rental only, you have her back to me after two songs.” Alex teased with a grin, placing her arm on the table in front of her drink as you pretended to suck yours back, adding on a fake wince at the taste of booze before you let the man drag you onto the dance floor.

It didn’t even take two songs for the unsub to convince you outside, dragging you away from your pretend partner, baiting Alex to follow you out to find out what was going on before he attempted to blitz attack you and the team moved in. It was nothing new, nothing intense, just a regular day at the office for you, minus the kiss of course, though Alex’s hand found yours, squeezing softly to reassure you. You weren’t sure if it was supposed to help calm your heart rate, but it certainly made it sky rocket as you shot her a warm smile.

Emily complimented the two of you on your work and considering you’d gone directly from an out of town case into this one, once your statements were down, she sent you on your way. Alex had driven so you slipped into the passenger seat, letting out a soft sigh, dropping your phone down into the cup holder.

“It’s not too late, did you want to pick up food on the way home?” Alex offered.

“Honestly McDonald’s sounds fucking amazing right now.”

“I was thinking the same.” She chuckled, daring a glance toward you as she tried to untangle the thoughts in her brain.

It wasn’t much longer before she was pulling into the drive thru and you were both very satisfied with the food on the way home. You had started to completely forget about work until your phone began to buzz in the cup holder.

‘I assume you’re getting busy tonight?’ You rolled your eyes at Emily’s text.

‘No. That was work. She would never.’

‘Oh come on! She fucking likes you!’

‘No she doesn’t.’

‘Really? Cause I was just watching that kiss and I would say otherwise. Plus… as a profiler… she was jealous as fuck when you left with him.’

‘Oh, okay, so what do you suppose I do?’

‘Enjoy the pool’

‘What?’

‘Okay, or hot tub. Put on that red suit you like to thirst trap with and say you’re going to relax.’

‘Have you been stalking my Instagram?!’

‘I’m just saying… respectfully… if you showed up in that suit I would have no choice but to immediately bend you over whatever the closest surface was. It makes your tits look incredible.'

‘I’m calling HR in the morning.’

Emily outwardly laughed, rolling her eyes at your continued denial as she tossed her phone down onto her desk. There was no way what happened tonight would be brushed under the rug and she knew it.

_________________

@svulife-rl @clarawatson @hbkpop @momlifebehard @alexusonfire @itisdoctortoyousir @temilyrights @swimmingstudentchaos891 @alexxavicry @evilregal2002 @alcabots @ladysc @dextur @disneyfan624 @augustvandyne @supercriminalbean @lex13cm @prentiss-theorem @happenstnces @whiteberryx @heidss @geekyandgay98 @onmykneesformarvel @inlovewithemilyprentiss @desperate-gay @amypoehlfey @overtrred28 @emobabeyy @1974-sp @theclassicgaycousin @kalixxa @leftoverenvy @bigolgay @daddy-heather-dunbar @regalmilfs4me @scorpsik @riveramorylunar @h-doodles @maybe-a-humanbean

#alex blake #alex blake x reader #criminal minds #love comes quietly #alex blake: criminal minds #criminal minds fanfic

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princess-of-the-corner · 5 months

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The Lost Fic 😔

Okay, This is me just spewing what I remember of that fic I mentioned earlier, cause it was real good, and I want to share. If anyone finds the guy who wrote it, or a reupload or something, send the link/name, this thing was real good!

So, like, I forget the exact starting point, but in this fic, Emilie and Gabriel swap roles, so Gabe’s the one dying from the Peacock, and Emilie is the one left behind. So, Gabe uses the Peacock to impregnate Emilie, so they can have Adrien. I think there was a plot point of how Colt used it first to impregnate Amelie, and that’s how it got broken? Like Amelie and Emilie are thinking about using the Peacock so they can have kids, and Colt and Amelie use it first to see if it works, because Emilie had, like, a “weaker constitution”. It works, and they have Felix, but Colt ends up breaking the Peacock to do it, don’t remember how exactly (no one is actually aware of this until later). There’s also speculation in universe if the Peacock breaking while forming Felix is the reason he’s “like that”, but 1) the speculation comes FROM COLT, and 2) everyone else is of the opinion that, ya know, being ABUSED might have something to do with it.

So, Gabe uses the broken Peacock to impregnate Emilie, they have Adrien, and it’s all fine and dandy until Gabe starts to get sick. Like, REALLY sick, faster than Emilie does in canon. Emilie and Gabe are scrambling to figure out why, to find a cure (in this continuity, this is where Nathalie shows up, Emilie hires her to help them find a cure) but no luck. As Gabe gets worse and worse, he pleads with Emilie to try and save him, to do whatever she can. And Emilie at first is all for it! She uses the Butterfly to seek out anything and everything that could help them! But … there’s a middle bit here I think I’m forgetting, but as time goes by with no sign of a cure, Emilie starts to notice a change in Gabe. Like, a bit of sanity slippage going on. Which eventually culminates in Gabe trying to steal Adrien’s amok, thinking he can use it to cure himself, at the cost of Adrien. Emilie is horrified, and manages to save Adrien’s amok, but in the altercation, Gabe swipes the Butterfly, and uses it with the Peacock to do … something, it isn’t clear at the time, because doing whatever this is causes Gabe’s life to give out, and Gabe dies. Just drops dead, and both Miraculous vanish.

Again, I’m missing some big chunks, but the long and the short of it is that, with the Miraculous gone and a better support system, Emilie goes to therapy to try and work out some of this. There’s a whole chapter dedicated to her working out her toxic upbringing, and how her parents insistence on “lineage” and “bloodline” led to using the Peacock in the first place, as opposed to adopting or something. Emilie has to learn exactly how toxic her upbringing was, and come to the realization that, as much as she loved him, she and Gabriel were feeding into each other’s issues, and they should both have seen a mental health professional at some point. She also has a lot of guilt about Gabe’s death, feeling like it’s all her fault, which she has to work through. For the main plot, it culminates in Emilie realizing she’s taken being protective over Adrien too far, and enrolling him at DuPont when “Origins” kicks off. Also, there’s a bit of drama in her beginning to date Nathalie, partially because she feels guilty for moving on, partly because she didn’t realize she was bisexual until her therapist spelled it out for her.

The plot is mostly the same, except now Hawk Moth wants the Ladybug and Black Cat to “restore what should be”, and Emilie feeling even MORE guilt because she was last person to have the Butterfly, she should have done more, etc, etc. Also, Emilie actually seeks out Fu to apologize and figure out if she can help. Then, around the Season 3 mark, we find out that Hawk Moth is Gabriel … ’s Sentimonster that he made in his image before his death. The Senti!Gabe’s goal, initially, was to steal the Ladybug and Black Cat so he could wish Gabriel back to life, but as time has gone on, his goal has changed, and now he wants to wish himself real. Also, because of the state Gabe was in when he made Senti!Gabe, Hawk Moth has a burning hatred of Adrien, seeing him as “stealing” Emilie from him.

Again, most of this is half remembered, I’m probably not doing it Justice.

Some other bits:

Adrien is about nine when Gabe dies

the reason we don’t have Hawk Moth earlier is that he was apparently “incubating”

Nathalie absolutely fell for Emilie first, and stuck around because she genuinely wanted to help her friend through a tough time

Nathalie and Emilie don’t start OFFICIALLY dating until sometime after Adrien starts school, but everyone agrees they were “more or less” dating already

Emilie’s coming out was her coming home after therapy, accepting a cup of tea from the Gorilla, and asking him “Did you know you can like both men AND women!?”

The Gorilla’s name is Henri, he’s actually Emilie and Amelie’s cousin and Adrien’s godfather

Because Nathalie came in earlier, Adrien has grown up with her. He calls her Auntie Nat, and was convinced from the ages of 5-8 that she was actually the Black Widow (Marvel)

The Agreste Fashion Company mostly belongs to Adrien at this point. Gabe left him most of the stock. It’s all being held in trust until he’s of age, and Adrien plans to either sell it or (much later) hand it over to Marinette

Amelie divorced Colt when she came home early to find him hitting Felix. She had to wrestle Felix’s amok off him - Felix claims it’s the most badass his mother has ever been. Colt is currently in prison at the start of the series, but I think it was hinted he’d become involved later?

Only Felix and Adrien are Sentimonsters.

Kagami’s dad is actually mentioned. He is currently serving time in prison for murder, which he committed in defence of his sister. Tomoe and Kagami visit him regularly, and he’s due out for parole sometime soon.

Chloé has a redemption arc, fairly well written, and becomes a permanent team member along with Alya and Nino. About halfway through, she goes to live with Adrien, (I think after Style Queen?) because her mom yelled at her on national television, and her dad’s response was “you shouldn’t have fucked up, then”.

Felix and Amelie live in France with Emilie and Adrien, they moved after Colt got arrested. Felix goes to a different school than Adrien, something specific, because Felix was some kind of acting savant. I think it was mentioned he’d been in some stage plays?

Fu was married to his lady love, she used the Tiger to help him out

Marinette and Adrien are endgame

Chloé ends up dating Kagami

Sabrina and Felix end up dating. Chloé gives Felix a shovel speech that makes him terrified of her

Luka is mentioned to have a non-binary date-mate (I think an OC?) that we only meet briefly

After the Bourgeois Screaming Match, Jagged Stone and several other celebs refuse to stay at the Grand Paris

Alya’s mom is Akumatized into “Sue Chef” (it was both a pig pun, and related to legal terms), gets fired from the Grand Paris, and opens her own restaurant

Lila turns out to be a Sentimonster created by Senti!Gabe, to drum up chaos and fuck with people. They have a father-daughter relationship, and were actually really sweet

The Order comes in as a secondary antagonist at some point after Hawk Moth is defeated, but I can’t exactly remember what their goal was

Hawk Moth’s defeat was basically proving that Hawk Moth didn’t need to use the wish to become real because he was already, and that all our Senti!Characters had been around long enough to become real. Senti!Gabe gets his own name (Can’t remember it) and identity, and officially adopts Lila as his daughter.

Lila has a crush on Alix

At some point, Senti!Gabe jokingly runs for mayor - he wins, because at this point everyone is sick of Andre. Senti!Gabe tries to argue privately that he’s technically only three or four years old, so he’s pretty sure he’s not old enough

That,s all I remember, If anyone finds this fic, send it my way!

Okay that’s all fucking GREAT and I hope someone finds this I’d love to read it!

#submission

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kiss-my-freckle · 4 months

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Something that I find infuriating is how Katherine stans say she deserves more empathy inspite of what she's done since unlike Elena besides Trevor Katherine didn't have a support system and that Katherine's had excessive trauma. But then turn around and lack empathy for Damon having a lot of trauma and lacking the support system his brother had for many years. Katherine's actions shouldn't be defended then either and this comparison of Katherine suffering for many years to rationalize her actions opposite to Elena's is dumb since Amara suffered so much for longer and lacked support but wasn't a terrible person like Katherine.

I'd have to disagree about Katherine not having a support system. She had support systems, but she destroyed them when she chose to put herself first. She had 26 vampire friends, and gave them up to the founding families for the sake of faking her own death. Put them at risk of being burned alive for the sake of faking her death. This betrayal included Emily, who was burned at the stake for the sake of Katherine faking her own death. Those 26 vampires were in the tomb because of Katherine. She doesn't have anyone because she doesn't love anyone as much as she loves herself. She views and treats her friends as loose ends. Elena has a support system because she treats her friends as they should be treated. Their lives are just as important as hers, and she'd die for any one of them. Damon doesn't have a support system, but he's different in the fact that he doesn't trust anyone. He relies solely on himself because he can only trust himself. There's no excusing Katherine's actions. Hers wasn't a trust issue, but a selfishness issue. She feels her life is more important than anyone else's, and she doesn't care how many lives she destroys for the sake of surviving. That's why Elena deserves more sympathy than Katherine. why even Damon deserves more sympathy than Katherine. Even Elijah got into Katherine's face about it. About how she chose to kill Elena's last living relative when she chose to kill Jeremy, and did so for the sake of her own freedom. There's no point to surviving if you have no one to enjoy life with. That's why Damon said what he did to Katherine when she got Jenna pulled into Klaus' ritual. An eternity is good to have, but it means nothing when you have no loved ones to share it with. Katherine is too selfish and self-absorbed. There's no excusing that.

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cielsosinfel · 3 months

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Favorite 2023 reads pt 2

Cus I said I'd come back and finish after making this post. I've been super busy + exhausted lately though so this will be less detailed lol (maybe, we'll see how much I ramble)

Once again, links to places I already discussed the book are added if they exist.

Fiction

Helen House by Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya: This is a VERY short book, barely I novella I feel, but it has so so so so much packed into it. I'm just gonna copy what I wrote on DW:

It's a story that opens with our unnamed narrator realizing she is a terrible girlfriend, as her girlfriend Amber shares that her sister died years ago. Our narrator also has dead sister trauma, and she is coping with her grief in fun and exciting ways aka sex addiction. A ghost story steadily unfolds, but what really got to me was how this book delved into sex addiction, codependence and objectifying not just your partner(s) but also yourself. Really plunges the depths of how far someone can fall in their grief and how it radiates outward to affect others.

Idol, Burning by Usami Rin, tl Asa Yoneda: A story about Akari, a high schooler deeply obsessed with a particular male idol, deeply involved in fandom for her oshi, has her world upended when rumors circulate that he hit a woman who may be his girlfriend. This was a beautiful, amazing novel (and wonderfully translated) about a teenage girl spiraling into depression, the failures of the education system to provide meaningful support, and the fractures in a family where everyone is coping so badly with the struggles life throws at them. I found this a very, very thoughtful book on depression, social isolation, eating disorders, and living with undiagnosed learning disabilities and dyslexia. It's also a beautiful exploration of all the ways fandom can offer a lifeline in one's darkest moments, and also contribute to spiraling further and further into a depressive and self-loathing rut.

I still have complicated feelings about the ending, but I think I also still appreciate the realism of it all, and how much more relatable it made it. Even as someone who has never been involved in oshi/idol fandom, let alone Japanese fandom, it resonated a lot as a man who was a disabled, undiagnosed teen girl desperately seeking connection and purpose with online fan communities.

I read some of the original Japanese novel too and I think the language is perfect for someone still intermediate with their Japanese literacy!

A Man of Lies by Ben Crane; A former enforcer for the local mob boss fucks up big-time when he and his boyfriend (that mob boss' accountant) are caught trying to steal money to run away together. Now his boyfriend's dead and the enforcer will be too, if he doesn't pay his boss back. But he's got a much better idea what to do with the money he gets from his last big heist.

I wasn't expecting to be as into this as I was, but the writing pulled me in and didn't let go- the prose is quick and easy and never loses its pace; this would really make a perfect action film. And the plot was a lot less predictable than I was expecting; the cast was genuinely fun and endearing barring a few characters, which helps cus there are SO MANY PoVs. It's just a very fun trope-y genre romp and a good break from much heavier stories lol. I'm excited for the sequel after the damn cliffhanger this ends on.

A Guest in the House by Emily Carroll: an absolutely GORGEOUS comic (as all Carroll's comics are) about a woman struggling to fit herself into the life of her new husband and his daughter, with the ghost of his former wife ever present in the background... more literally than she wants to accept. Really good terrifying and beautiful F/F horror exploring sexuality and relationships and mental health and domestic abuse.

Poetry:

The World Keeps Ending, and the World Goes on by Franny Choi

Yin Mountain: The Immortal Poetry of Three Daoist Women by Rebecca Nie and Peter Levitt

Postcolonial Love Poem by Natalie Diaz

#reading log #mine poste #ok im DONE

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reidgraygubler · 3 years

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caught in the nets (spencer reid/reader)

Title: caught in the nets

Requested: no

Couple: spencer reid/fem!reader

Category: smut, fluff

Content Warning: SEXUAL CONTENT (penetrive sex, unsafe sex, public sex (public bathroom), fingering, handjob, grinding, groping, heavy petting, fucking with fishnets on, tipsy sex, possessive), hand on jaw/neck (no pressure), swearing, drinking, mentions of a gun, mentions of casework, friends to lovers

Word Count: 3,944

Summary: Spencer loves what reader is wearing while out at a bar with the team

A/N: hi guys, gals, and non-binary pals! Here’s another thing i wrote. this is another thing I was super excited to write. AND I wrote it for one of my bestest friends @spencer-reid-in-a-pool for pom’s server fic swap. I wrote it in literally two days bc I had a week to write it. But it does have a prompt and a few other things she likes in it! also quick shout out to @newportonmymind for proofreading this!! i really appreciate you! I really hope you guys enjoy this piece! Thank you all so much for the love and support! I appreciate it and you! Check out my masterlist!

{***}{***}{***}

Rough cases will always be the worst. Sometimes they felt hopeless, like we weren’t able to figure out how to save a victim. In the end we were able to save the victim and arrest the unsub. But it was still rough.

So drinks were a must when it came to the end of rough cases. I know it’s a bad thing to turn to drinking in a rough time. But sometimes nothing helped more than a drink. It was easier to relax with a little liquor in your system. Well, it was easier for me to relax with a little liquor. I couldn’t say about the rest of the team.

I was the one who offered up the idea of going to a bar when we returned home. I just needed a little something to help me unwind. Luke, Penelope and Tara were the next to say they’d be coming. After some light convincing, Emily, JJ, and Matt agreed. David was quick to leave before we could get to him about it.

Which left Spencer. At first he put up a fight, arguing that he had to go home. Home to what? We have the same situation. Eventually Penelope wore him down and got him to go.

“Okay, I’ll meet you guys there. I need to change out of these clothes.” I looked down at the business attire I had worn on the plane. I really wished I had changed out of them too, and into something more comfortable.

“Sounds good, Sweetness! See you in a bit.” Penelope looked at me with a smile. I returned the smile before collecting my things from my desk, and leaving.

Part of me wanted to wear a sweatshirt and sweatpants. But I also wanted to wear jeans and a tee-shirt, just to be comfortable. I also wanted to wear something more… party like. Mostly because we’re going to a bar, where there were going to be lots of people. Mmm…

I went with the latter. My outfit ended up consisting of a plain black top, paired with short-shorts and a “comfortable” pair of heels. Under the shorts I wore one of my favorite clothing items, a pair of black fishnets. They were one of my favorite things because I always gained the attention of someone. And I usually enjoyed that attention. I just don’t know whose attention I wanted.

Once I was satisfied with how I looked, I grabbed my bag and left for the bar. I was the first to leave the BAU, but the last to show up to the bar. Even Spencer was there before me, which was a rarity.

“Hey sorry I’m late. Traffic was nuts… And I just wanted to look nice,” I laughed nervously as I looked down before sitting beside Penelope. Everyone’s eyes were on me, and I tried to avoid the feeling of the stares. At first I tried to not be self-conscious, after all I was the one who wanted to dress a little more… sexy and get the attention of others.

“What are you wearing?” Luke asked after he took a sip of his beer. I looked down at my attire and shrugged.

“Wanted someone’s attention. Figured I’d get it here.” I gestured around the room towards the many groups of people. “Already got yours, Lukey-poo,” I cooed as I looked at him. He looked back at me with a weird look in his eyes. “Where’s Spence?”

“He went to get a drink.” JJ nodded towards the bar before sipping her drink. I looked over my shoulder and towards the bar. My eyes quickly identified the lanky and awkward body of Spencer standing beside the bar as he waited for a drink.

“Has the bartender been flirting with him the whole time?” I looked back at the team with wide eyes. Tara looked over at JJ with a smug smile before nodding. “No ones gonna save him?” “Figured we’d give him a try first.” Matt shrugged as he looked back at me. I let out a mildly annoyed sigh before standing up.

“Where are you going?” Emily asked as she looked at me. I smiled as her eyes very slowly lingered down my body. There was an obvious struggle, and I liked that. I was definitely getting the attention I craved tonight. Even though it’s from my superior.

“Gonna go save boy wonder from inevitable embarrassment that he will probably succumb to.” I rested my hand on the table as I looked at the team. JJ and Emily shared a knowing glance. “And I’m getting myself a drink.” I shrugged before shoving my hands in my small pockets and walked towards the bar and Spencer.

“Hey Spence!” I exclaimed as I looked at him. He looked away from the bartender and smiled. His smile, however, quickly melted away and a hungry look took over his eyes.

“H-hey,” he mumbled before looking back at the bartender. She looked between me and Spencer before muttering a few profanities and walking away. I smirked before taking the space up beside Spencer.

“You seeing something you like, Reid?” I asked as soon as I noticed him staring at me again. I leaned over the bar beside him and smiled.

“I.. Uh, I…” He cleared his throat before looking away from me and down at the counter. Well, maybe I did know whose attention I wanted…

“Anyways, I’ve come to save you.”

“Save me?”

“The bartender…” I whispered before nodding in her direction. Spencer looked down at her and we both caught her looking between us before dropping her gaze.

“The bartender?”

“Just get your drink and come on,” I laughed before standing up and away from the counter. Spencer looked back at me with a raised eyebrow. He was obviously confused as to what I was talking about. But I’ll honestly save him the embarrassment. “Oh, wait. I want a drink too!” I exclaimed as I leaned over the counter.

Once we both had our drinks, I silently led him back to the table. I enjoyed the feeling of people’s eyes on me as I walked by them. I could even sense Spencer staring at me. To be fair, my shorts were a little on the shorter side…

Maybe the attention I was getting was from the person I wanted it from the most…

Spencer and I returned to the table, and we were quick to join into whatever conversation they were having. The entertaining stories that Matt told about his kids made everyone go into a fit of laughter.

The laughter only grew the more drinks that everyone had consumed. We weren’t exactly drunk, well some of us weren’t drunk. But when someone in the bar orders a round of drinks for the table, it’s hard to say no.

JJ, Spencer and Matt were the only ‘mostly sober’ ones. Followed by Tara and me being tipsy, but sober enough to know what was happening. Penelope, Luke and Emily had enough to drink and had left the table to go dance with each other and random people in the bar.

“I wanna dance,” I muttered as I looked down at the table. Matt cleared his throat, causing me to look up at him. He was nodding a Spencer, who was looking around the room at all the other people. A small smile grew across my lips before I jumped from my seat. Spencer and JJ both looked at me with shock on their faces.

I looked right at Spencer and smiled. “You.” I pointed at him. “Me.” Then I pointed at myself. “We’re dancing,” I spoke as I jerked my thumb behind me. Spencer’s face fell slightly as he watched me walk to stand in front of him. I smiled as his eyes lingered on my body for a brief moment before landing on my face. “Come on. Let’s leave mom and dad alone.” I lifted a hand for him to take. He looked at it for a moment before hesitantly placing his hand into mine.

Once he stood, I dragged him over to the dance floor, where we both stood still. I didn’t know what was going through his head, but I wished I did. His body wasn’t tense, in fact I could tell he liked that I was being daring and the close proximity I was in.

We, and by we I mean me, hardly danced. It was mostly just me. And my dance moves consisted of me grinding on him. Which seemed to rile him up enough to entertain me. I enjoyed it more when he rested his hands on my hips and held me in front of him.

I looked around the room at all the people, watching as they continued dancing with their friends and people. Then I looked back at Spencer before grabbing his hand. His once hazel eyes were blown out black and a look of hunger and lust was settled in them. He looked like he knew what he wanted, and he was about to do anything in his power to get it too.

I looked away from him and around the room, again, looking for a familiar face. It wasn’t that I needed someone to save me from this moment. No. I needed to make sure none of our friends saw what I was about to do next.

I turned to face Spencer again and pressed my chest to his. He placed his hands on my hips and pulled them flush against his. The breath was knocked from my lungs when I felt how hard he was through his slacks and my shorts.

I grabbed his wrist and turned away from him before dragging him out of the bar and towards the bathrooms. He didn’t say anything when I pulled him into the women’s bathroom and into a stall. I’ll forever be grateful for that too because I don’t know where else we would go to.

I pulled him into a stall and locked it before pushing him against the door. His lips quickly attached to mine, and before I knew it his teeth grazed across my lower lip. And just like before, when we were out in the bar, his hands fell back to my hips and he pulled me against him. He rolled his hips to mine, pressing his bulge into my body.

“I can’t believe you,” Spencer groaned against my mouth. I looked up at him and smirked. “Why’s that? What makes me so unbelievable?” I whispered as I pressed a hand to his front. Spencer’s body froze and a hiss came from his lips.

“You coming to this bar, dressed like that, acting like you own the place,” his voice was low as he spoke. I smiled before I looked for his belt. “Acting like you aren’t arousing every man-- and woman-- here. That’s right, I saw the way Emily looked at you,” he continued as he looked at me.

“I just wanted attention from someone. But I’m sure happy that it’s your attention that I’m getting, Spencer,” I whispered before I pressed my hips against his.

“Well… I don’t think you’ll be getting attention from anyone else other than mine from now on.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’re mine now, Sweetness,” he mildly mocked the pet name Penelope had given me earlier today. I stared at him, my breathing growing shallow. “And no one else’s.” Goosebumps grew like fire across my skin once I realized the honesty and reality of his words. Or, well, I should say his possessiveness. At first I wasn’t sure if I wanted or believed what he said, but a moment passed and I realized… I wanted it so bad.

We both fell into a silent stare down. My hands, however, kept busy as they looked for his belt. But then a smirk grew across my lips the second I realized he still had a hard on waiting for me.

I was quick as I tried undoing his belt buckle, hoping he wouldn’t notice. But he obviously did when I began struggling and fumbling for a moment.

“Is that a gun or are you just happy to see me, Reid?” I whispered as I carefully slipped my hand into his pants and briefs. My question was otherwise rhetorical. I knew for a fact it was a gun. But I also knew it wasn’t a gun.

Spencer took a deep breath of air once my hand was wrapped around his length. I smiled as I slowly moved my hand back and forth, gently applying pressure.

“It’s a gun,” Spencer returned, keeping his voice low, “But I’m more than happy to see you. Trust me.” I could tell he was trying to be sly with his words. Because when he started talking his voice was deep and a little rough, but as he continued on talking, they got a little shaky and a little bit higher. I wanted to mock him, but I knew better than to do that.

“Oh… I do,” I whispered as I quickened my pace. My lips were hovering over his. His breath fanned across my face, and I could just barely smell the gin and tonic he had drank earlier.

My heart was beating hard in my chest because I was about to fuck my co-worker in the bathroom at fucking bar. I wondered if his was doing the same thing. I wondered if his thought process was the same as mine too.

I also wondered if he felt the same way. Maybe I’ve always wanted the attention from Spencer. He was right there, and always has been, and always will be. Plus we’ve known each other for years. So what’s the harm? Maybe he felt the same?

The grip Spencer held on my hips started to tighten as I continued to stroke his length. I could feel his tension growing the longer I went. My lips slowly curled at the corners as I realized how much I was going to enjoy this.

Then it happened. Spencer flipped our positions so I was pressed against the door. Both of my wrists were in one of his hands, held above my head. His other hand was already messing with the button of my shorts.

“You think you’re the only one who can do that, Sweetness,” he whispered before pressing his lips to my neck. It was his turn to grind his hips against mine, easily taking my breath away again.

“Spence…” I gasped once his hand was finally down the front of my shorts. I tried hard to pull my hands from his hand, but his grip only tightened.

“See, two can play at this game,” he spoke softly as he swiped a finger up my slit. I bit my lips together as he gently moved his finger around the sensitive nub between my thighs. “But unlike you I’m going to let you finish.”

“I was go-oh…” I whimpered as my knees buckled down causing my hips to grind on his hand. He smiled before carefully pushing a finger into my entrance. It was suddenly hard to concentrate as he curled his fingers just right.

“That’s what I thought,” Spencer murmured against my ear before moving his mouth to the corner of my mouth, then to my neck. A small moan fell from my mouth as he sucked a spot onto the base of my neck.

I stayed silent as Spencer continued whispering dirty things in my ear. Part of me almost forgot who I was with. Not because of what was happening, but because of what he was saying. I had no clue Spencer could say such dirty things. My train of thought was all over the place, derailing the moment I would gain a coherent thought.

Once I did eventually finish on his fingers, he pulled his hand from my shorts and looked down at me. It was a silent moment of a stare down. I was quiet because I was sure of what was about to happen. I was about to fuck Spencer Reid. I was willing to bet Spencer was calculating how long the events of everything would take. I didn’t care, I just wanted it and I wanted it now.

I broke the stare down, looking down at his slacks and the bulge that was still pressing against the fabric. I silently undid the button and zipper and pushed his pants down.

Spencer stopped me before I could do anything else. I looked up at him, my eyes staying on his face as he pushed down my shorts. Then it happened. I was expecting sex to happen like normal. Half naked.

I furrowed my eyebrows when he started getting ready. My tights were still on me properly. He didn’t forget. Man has the best mind in the world. He wouldn’t forget about my tights.

“Wait,” I whispered as I went to pull my tights off, but Spencer stopped me. His hand wrapped around my wrist before he pulled it away. “I gotta take my tights off if we-Oh…”I looked up at him with wide eyes once I realized what he wanted.

“Keep them on,” he whispered so softly I almost didn’t hear him. I nodded lightly. Truth be told, I could see the appeal in it. I did wear the fishnets for a reason. And I knew how I looked in them.

“I can do that.”

Spencer hoisted one of my legs around his waist and pressed my body against the wall. I stared at him, my arms wrapped around his neck to keep me up right. He also helped keep me up by keeping his hands on my hips. Once I was steady, Spencer ripped a hole in the crotch of my tights.

My teeth bit down on my lower lip as he dragged the head of his cock down my pussy. I almost couldn’t handle the way he teased my entrance. I wondered if he could see how frustrated I was starting to get. He’s a profiler. He should just know already how much I needed this.

“I swear to-” ‘God, Spencer.’ My words were cut off with a moan as he pressed into me all at once. It was hard to keep my head up right, and I fought for a moment before finally dropping it to rest on his shoulder. I brought my hand to my mouth and bit down.

Spencer moved a hand around to rest on my bottom. My mouth fell as his hand began massaging my flesh. That, paired with the way he began moving his hips started becoming too much for me.

He looked down at me, sweat beginning to mat down his hair to his forehead. His eyebrows were furrowed together as he picked up his pace. My leg around his waist pulled him closer to me.

“Don’t stop, please, please don’t stop,” I whined as he finally moved closer to me. My body began moving up and down the door. The cloth of my tank top had started riding up, and my hot skin was instantly touching the cool steel door.

Spencer lifted a hand to my head, placing it on the backside before pulling my face to his. His lips pressed everywhere on my face, not one spot was ignored. I pulled my hands away from his neck and grasped his shirt and tie, keeping him in his spot.

“You could’ve worn anything and I still would have wanted to fuck you. Sweatpants and oversized tee-shirt, that pencil skirt you wore back in Oklahoma… But the fishnets really do take the cake.”

“I-I knew someone would like them.” I tried to keep my voice steady. But it was so hard when pressure began growing in my stomach and between my legs.

“Do you have any idea how long I’ve wanted this? You here, looking like this,” his voice was almost a growl. My chest began heaving with each word he said and each movement he made. “Too damn long, that’s how long.”

Spencer removed his hand from the back of my head and dropped it to between my legs, resting it high on my thigh. His thumb moved back and forth on my leg, over the material of the fishnets. The look in his eyes drove me wild, and I loved it so, so much.

“Better me than anyone else. I’m not willing to share.” Spencer actually growled as he moved his finger to the crest of my legs. He smiled when I looked up at him with a mildly panicked look in my eyes. “Do you understand why, Sweetness?”

“N-no.”

“As I told you earlier, you’re mine,” he struggled as he tried to hold back a moan.

“Fuck,” I cried as my head dropped back down to his shoulder. I pressed a hand to the wall beside me. I gasped for air as the pressure in my stomach grew to the point of exploding.

“Only I can make you feel like this. You got that, Sweetness?” Spencer groaned, which quickly caused me to nod.

It was impossible to stay quiet as the pressure built up more. The situation was pushed more as soon as Spencer started moaning more into my ear. It was so overwhelming the second he said my name.

And then it happened. I finished before him. But it wasn’t too long after that a familiar warmth spread throughout me.

Spencer dropped his head to my shoulder, and we were both left in panting, breathless messes. My eyes were stuck open as I tried recollecting myself.

“I waited a long time for that too, Spencer,” I whispered, breaking the silence after a few minutes passed. He laughed and nodded.

“Yeah, I know.”

“Of course you do.” I shook my head and pushed his body off mine. He looked down at me with a smirk. “What… What does this mean?”

“Could mean anything. We let things happen naturally, or we pretend nothing happened at all. I’d prefer the former, if I’m going to be honest with you.” He gently lifted a hand and rested it on my face. My nose twitched as soon as I felt something rolling down my thigh. Then my eyes widened.

“N-naturally… Yeah,” I whispered, mostly to myself, as I reached for a wad of toilet paper. I quickly cleaned up the mess that was between my legs and shook my head.

“We should go. Get you properly cleaned.” Spencer spoke up once I was done cleaning myself a bit.

“Well now we gotta go out there and pretend like nothing happened,” I whispered as I looked up at him. Spencer shrugged like it was no big deal. “Where did this sudden cockines come from?”

“When I realized you could have any guy in the bar… And you chose me.” He smiled before wrapping an arm around my waist. I widened my eyes as we exited the bathroom and entered the crowd of people together. People stared at us as we walked by, but I couldn’t tell if it was both of us they were staring at or just me. Spencer’s grip around my waist tightened as he pulled me closer to him. “Remember, Sweetness… I don’t like sharing what’s mine,” his voice was low. My body stiffened once the reality of his words hit me. His.

“Where were you guys?” Emily looked between Spencer and I. I looked at her with wide eyes, my expression telling her (and the rest of the team) everything they needed to know. I’m sure I looked like a hot fucking mess.

“Sweetness here was outside not feeling too well. So I brought her to the bathroom and helped her out a little bit,” Spencer lied with a smile.

Even he knew the lie was useless. But I think everyone would rather believe the obvious lie than rather just know the truth. To be fair, I’d rather tell them all a useless lie rather than the truth. “She still doesn’t feel too well. So I’m going to take her home.”

“Oh! Bummer! I hope you feel better!” Penelope was the first to speak up. I was thankful too that she played along because I really couldn’t handle that embarrassment…

“I will.. Hopefully by morning… I’ve got the best doctor I know taking care of me.” I smiled softly as I looked up at Spencer. He glanced back at me with a smile.

“Have a nice rest of the night.” Spencer nodded to the team before guiding me away from the table and towards the front doors.

“My place or yours?” I looked back at him once we were finally outside and walking towards his car.

“Mine.”

if you want to be a part of a taglist (lmk if ur 18+ for smut) or have any comments about this one-shot, let me know here

taglist: @thebluetint @muffin-cup @itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto @spencersmagic @90spumkin @jareids @broken-stardust

#shadow writes stuff #masterlist #spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fan fic #criminal minds fan fic

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lol-jackles · 2 years

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I hope I know your opinion on the latest Walker episode and especially on Walker as the leader instead of James. What do you think of the idea that Micki could be a good replacement for the captain? Isn't it a little too premature to think about this of a newbie?

Cordell's been through a lot, first he loses Emily, then lost Micki, and now nearly lost James to a killer’s bullet and he found himself forced to be an interim leader, a position that requires you to be alone when Cordell has always worked best with a partner whom he relies on for guidance through the chaos (whoa I had a Witcher moment).

Many people are natural born leaders but will only step up to the role if nobody is available or unwilling to take the mantle. Cordell is that type of person. Once James passed on the title to him, Cordell immediately went to work listening and analyzing rangers' reports and giving them directions and moral support.

Being a leader also means doing what is right instead what is easy, much to James' dismay when Cordell reported that he visited their foe, Stan Morrison, in prison to get intel. Cordell knew Serano was not behind the hit on James but he used it as an excuse to see Stan not to get intell on Serano, but on James because Cordell figured out that the murder attempt was a crime of passion (as foreshadowed in his board game with his kids are the start of the episode). James flipped out but Cordell refused to back down and reminded James he was the one who put him in charge. Then James has a convenient medial crisis to avoid continuing the argument.

True to Cordell's theory, the would-be murderer, Cole, arrives to finish the job that James' medical crisis didn't. James had arrested Cole in his trooper days for a broken tail light and quickly escalated to Cole sentenced to15 years for manslaughter when he defended himself in jail. James saw what happened to Cole and why he wanted to become captain to change the system though it was too late for poor Cole, now a broken man who is still young but has nothing left in his life, then his life taken out by people “just doing their job” in front of James and Cordell.

With the crisis over and James recovered enough to leave the hospital, he and Cordell have a heart to heart about their jobs. While Cordell was a good leader, he rather stay among the troops to “answer that call”. Personally, I think Cordell just need a breather from all the upheavals in the past 14 months and his relationship with his children have finally stabilized. The last thing he needs is another change. James’ ambition to change the system means he needs more Cordells “to make the right choice regardless of protocol” get the job done as much as he needs more Mickis to take the leadership role. I feel the last part was more to honor Lindsey Morgan than an actual character arc.

Cordell may need to make the right choice regardless of protocol sooner than later when Liam visits Stan Morrison, who tells him that he is right to be suspicious of the Davidson and offered Liam information to back up his instinct. Remember that the Cole tragedy started with a broken tail light. Liam’s fall from grace started when he broke the Davidson’s tail light so he can call in a false report. Liam was right about the Davidson but he went about it the wrong way. Cordell, we’re counting on you to make sure what happened to Cole doesn’t happen to your little brother.

My score: 9.5 out of 10. Half point deduction for James recovering too quickly, half point deduction for future leader Micki (I don’t see it). Half point returned for Geri being there for Cordell, my man lost too much, let him rest.

#Walker #Jared Padalecki

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agent-whiskeys-sweetheart · 3 years

Text

Meant To Be (ii)

Pairing: Hotch x F!Reader

Summary: Over a year after your first interaction with the BAU, it is finally time for your first day as an official team member. Even with all the excitement of the day, the biggest thing you look forward to is seeing Aaron Hotchner again. However, your perfect first day quickly turns out to be not at all what you had imagined.

Warnings: None, some angst?

Word Count: 5,585

A/N: Just know that I promise things are going to get better lol.

NOVEMBER 2007

QUANTICO, VA

For the first time in your life the sound of your alarm is a very welcome one as it rouses you from your light slumber. The whole room is filled with light as the sun streams through the cracked blinds. You had been in this apartment for two months now. It had taken some getting used to but it was starting to feel like home. That was very important to you seeing as Quantico was where you were going to be for the foreseeable future. It took you no time at all to sit up in bed, throwing off your blanket. When you got up to start getting ready, everything was exactly where it was supposed to be. Your clothes draped over the chair at the end of the bed, your go-bag on top of the dresser, and your entry paperwork out on the kitchen table. As always, you had thought out every minute detail. You are determined to make sure that your first day at the BAU is perfect. It had taken excruciatingly hard work and dedication to get to where you are now. Nothing and no one is going to spoil it for you.

After getting dressed in record time you grab your go-bag off the dresser and head out to the living room. You set it on the table next to your paperwork and make your way into the kitchen. Scrambled eggs and toast sound like a good way to start the morning so you get out a skillet and a few eggs. Before you even have a chance to turn on the burner the sound of your phone going off in your bedroom causes you to run back in to check it. As you pull it off the charger you immediately smile widely at the name that flashes on your screen.

“Hey there Miss FBI Agent. God, that sounds good doesn’t it? FBI agent. Or maybe BAU agent. Didn’t I hear you say SSA once? What does that mean? Is it good? It sounds pretty powerful.”

“It means Supervisory Special Agent. And anything you call me that means I’m not hallucinating this whole thing is fine with me.”

“I like that. SSA Y/N L/N. Sounds official. Which is exactly what you are as of today! How are you feeling right now?”

“Excited. Prepared. Kind of like I’m on top of the world.”

“As you should! It’s been a long journey to get here, you deserve to enjoy every step. I still can’t believe my little sister is in the FBI.”

Your sister has been your biggest support system for as long as you can remember. No matter what path you choose, you know she will always have your back. It had been heartbreaking to leave her when you moved but you knew it would be worthwhile in the end. Today is when it finally pays off. She has called you almost every day so even though you are states apart, she is never truly absent. Hearing her voice now, getting the chance to share this moment with her, is more important to you than you know how to express.

“I can’t believe that you’re awake before noon.” This earns a scoff.

“I will have you know that I set an alarm for 5:30 so I would be awake in time to tell you good morning before you head off to work.”

“That’s very sweet of you. I’m really glad you called.”

“Hey, there’s no way in hell I was gonna miss your first day!”

“I appreciate that. It means a lot to have your support.”

“Of course! I will always give it freely. Besides, this is too cool not to talk about. You get to catch bad guys. You now have special government access. Plus you can basically read minds. You’re a real life superhero. How totally awesome is that?”

“Oh, I know. Why do you think I wanted the job? I’m glad you’re able to see its merits. Most people find it very morbid. Or boring.”

“Well most people aren’t us.” Glancing over at the clock, you can’t help a small sigh from leaving your chest. Your sister of course catches on. “Do you have to go?”

“Yeah. I only have about 15 minutes. Thank you so much for calling though! I always look forward to hearing from you.”

“Well I don’t have any patients today and I expect you to call me later tonight so we can talk about everything, okay?”

“Okay, it’s a plan. I love you.”

“I love you too. Have a great first day.” You hang up quickly, making your way back into the kitchen to put away what you had gotten out. Instead you pull out a few granola bars to eat on the way. Even though this isn’t quite what you had planned you don’t mind one bit. Talking to your sister is more important. You briefly wonder if she took today off just so she could be there for you or if it is just a coincidence. If it was on purpose, you wouldn’t be surprised. It had always been kind of funny to you what careers both of you had chosen. She is a therapist. You are a profiler. While the two do have distinct differences there are also a lot of striking similarities. It’s just funny how life works out sometimes. Never what you expect.

You head into the bedroom to grab your go-bag, making sure everything you need is in there. Picking up the paperwork from the table, you head out the door and downstairs to your car. After loading your things up, you turn on the radio to the most uplifting station you can find. This is the kind of morning where nothing less than radiant positivity is welcomed. It’s the first day of your new life and you are going to make the most of it, even if it kills you.

The drive seems to go by in an instant and soon you find yourself in the parking lot of the BAU headquarters. There is still confidence bubbling inside of you but seeing the building right there in front of you causes the nerves to kick in as well. It seems so much bigger to you now. With a deep breath, you realize you need a little boost from your good luck charm. The small compartment on top of your dashboard opens with a click and you pull out the piece of paper inside. It feels good to have in your hands and you read the name at the top over and over again. Aaron Hotchner. His business card had stayed in your car all these years and whenever you felt nervous or unsteady, you pulled it out and for some reason it always calmed you. You were grateful to have it now more than ever.

Feeling renewed, you set the card back in its cubby and get out of the car. Things in hand, you stride right up to the front doors and let yourself inside. Once inside the main lobby you head over to the front desk, where a man asks for your ID. Reaching into the front pocket of your go bag you pull out the badge you had collected weeks in advance. A feeling of power washes over you when he clears you, much like a year and a half ago when you had stepped inside the Fort Worth precinct. However, it was a much more intense feeling now.

The journey towards the main offices of the BAU feels like a dream. The elevator carries you to the right floor and you float towards the glass doors that lead into your new workspace. Inside, it is bright and full of life. People move past you with such fluidity that it seems almost like a dance and baby, you are ready to tango.

Soon your attention is being commanded by a friendly voice you recognize very quickly. “Well, look who it is!”

Morgan makes his way towards you, a wide grin on his face. He looks just how you remember. You are glad the first person to greet you is someone you know. Now standing in front of you, he raises his arms and his expression changes as he silently asks for your permission. With a nod, you reach out as well as he pulls you in for a hug.

“It’s nice to see you again sweetheart. I was starting to wonder if you were ever gonna show up.” Laughing lightly at this, you feel yourself relaxing. “Look at you, all professional. How does it feel?”

“Completely liberating. It feels like it took me a lifetime to get here and now that I am, I can’t wait to get started.”

“Well, you’re gonna get your chance sooner than you think. We just got a case this morning. They called us in a little early to debrief us. We’ll fill you in on the jet. It’s go time baby.” He lightly pats your arm with a smile as he leads you over to where the rest of the team is, all sat at their desks. Spencer and JJ you recognize but there’s one face that you haven’t seen before. “Look who finally made it.”

JJ stands quickly to give you a hug, patting your back. “Leave her alone. She was doing a lot of hard work to get here. She doesn’t deserve to be teased in her first ten minutes on the job.” She says to Morgan, shooting him a playful glare. “Welcome. We’re really excited to have you here. You’re going to make a wonderful addition to the team. If you ever need anything just let me know, okay?”

“I will. Promise. Thanks.” Spencer is the next to stand, extending his hand to you. Taking it in your own, you nod respectfully. You don’t linger, not wanting to make him uncomfortable.

“Hi. Sorry, I’m not much of a hugger.”

“Oh, no need to be sorry. I definitely get it. It’s nice to see you again. I know we didn’t really get a chance to talk the last time we saw each other but I’m hoping to change that now that we’re coworkers.”

“Of course. I would like that.” There is still a slight awkwardness in the way he smiles but not nearly as much so as when you first met him. He’s the only one of the three that you don’t feel much of a connection with but you are determined to change that. These were your peers now. Your new family. It was important to you that you get to know all of them. It was jarring at first seeing how familiar they are with you already but it doesn’t take long for you to become comfortable as well. However you quickly remember that there is one person you still haven’t met. Turning to her, you extend your hand.

“Hello. I’m Y/N L/N.” She shakes your hand.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Emily Prentiss. These guys seem to have the advantage here. How do you all know each other?”

“Oh, I shadowed them about a year and a half ago now while I was still a student. Today is my first day as a member of the team.”

“That’s wonderful! Well, I’m excited to get to know you as well.” She offers a welcoming smile, one you appreciate. As you look around the bullpen you take note of the fact that Elle is nowhere to be found. At the moment you feel it isn’t your place to bring this up, so you simply smile at the people who are with you now.

“So, I hear we’ve got a case.” You begin, desperately wanting to learn everything you can now so you can fully prepare yourself.

“Yeah,” JJ answers. “It’s a string of high level armed robberies in Los Angeles. Nobody has been able to identify or apprehend any of the unsubs. There are five of them. All of the robberies were almost identical except for the last one. Someone was shot and killed. That’s when the authorities invited us to work the case.”

“Sounds like fun, huh?” Derek chimes in, jabbing you with his elbow.

“I don’t know if fun is the right word. Interesting sounds better, I think. I’m ready to get started though.”

“Yeah, I see that,” He gestures to your go-bag. “Good thing you’re all packed. That was a smart choice. They don’t always tell you to bring a bag on the first day. You’re all over it though.”

“Well, you only get one shot at a first impression. I wanted to be seen as professional. Plus I am very rarely unprepared for things.”

“Good. That’s a pretty good philosophy to hang onto, especially in this profession. The more prepared you are going into it, the better equipped you are to handle the stressors of the job. There’s a lot of tough things you’re gonna have to deal with but if you charge head first with a clear sense of where you’re going and what you’re doing, it’ll take a lot of the anxiety out of it.” You listen intently as he speaks with a tone of sincerity you have not yet heard from him. When he sees you staring at him, he chuckles. “First tip is free but next time I’m gonna charge you. Good advice like that doesn’t come cheap.”

“Okay, good to know.” You laugh, looking towards the others with a smile. “How about you guys? Any free tips for the newbie?”

“Yeah,” Emily chimes in. “Don’t listen to anything Morgan says.” This causes him to roll his eyes jokingly. “Although here’s a real piece of advice. No matter what happens, no matter how hard the job gets, don’t forget who you are. Don’t let this work compromise your beliefs and your morals. There are going to be times when you rethink what you know but don’t let the awful things you see harden you and turn you into someone you’re not. I can already see that you have a real light and kindness about you. Never let the bad people take that away from you or else they win.” Hearing this, your expression softens. For only having known you for a few minutes, Emily already seems to have bonded with you. Enough to give you such important advice. Her words linger in your head for a moment.

“I’ll definitely remember that.” JJ places a hand on your arm.

“Can I add something?” You nod eagerly, wanting to soak up all of the knowledge that you possibly can from these people. “My advice would be to talk to your loved ones as often as you can. Trust me, you’ll definitely want to after some of the stuff that we see. Talking to someone outside of work and grounding yourself in those relationships will help keep you sane. You’re going to be really grateful for a strong support system later on.”

“Luckily I do have a really strong support system in my sister. She basically raised me. She’s my best friend. It was hard to leave her but I know she still supports my decision.”

“That’s so great. I’m really glad you have someone like that.” You nod, feeling a small tinge of sadness when you think about how much you wish she was here with you. However, it passes quickly when Morgan puts his hand on your shoulder as a sign of comfort. The gesture is simple but calming, almost as if he’s telling you that he is a part of your support system now too. You know the people surrounding you will have your back. That thought lifts your spirits immeasurably.

“What about you? I’m sure I could get some good advice from a genius.” You say to Spencer after clearing your throat.

He chuckles lightly and thinks for a moment. “I guess I would say don’t let your age stop you from reaching your potential. You and I are the same age so I think I know to some extent how nerve wracking all this must be. Just know that even though you are young you have a lot of skills and abilities to bring to the table. Chase after what you want and soak up everything you can now. I’m obviously a strong believer in the collection of knowledge so the more you learn the better off you’ll be later. And you have as much right to be here as anyone else. You’ve done the work so believe in your own skills.” The three of you watch him for a moment and he looks between you. “But, hey, what do I know.” His joke makes you laugh.

“No, that’s really good advice. Thank you.” Before you have a chance to say anything else, a voice from behind causes all of you to stop.

“What’s all the commotion out here?” Turning around quickly you see an older man with dark hair standing on the walkway that wraps around the bullpen. His eyebrows are raised as he begins making his way towards you. Upon seeing him you put on your best professional face but the others seem to stay relaxed as he walks over to you. Once he’s standing next to you he offers you his hand. “Hello.” You take it quickly, shaking hands with him as you maintain eye contact. Unsure of who this man is, you are afraid to make a bad impression. As you look into his eyes there is something so strikingly familiar about him but you aren’t quite sure what it is. “Who might you be?”

“Sorry, sir. I am Y/N L/N. Today is my first day as a member of the BAU. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” His dark expression immediately lightens as he gives you a small smile.

“Ah. It’s nice to meet you as well. Sorry to scare you. I just have to keep these trouble makers in line from time to time.” Seeing him smile causes you to grin as well, beginning to relax again.

“Of course. It’s not a problem at all sir.”

“Well I’m David Rossi. Welcome to the BAU, I guess would be an appropriate introduction. I promise I’m not always so scary.”

“Just most of the time.” Derek adds, causing David to give him a look.

“Please ignore him. I like to think I’m a nice man. I don’t want to scare you off on your first day.” At this you can’t help but laugh.

“Oh trust me sir, you won’t. I’ve worked really hard to get here. There’s no getting rid of me now.” This causes him to laugh.

“That’s a good attitude to have. It’ll get you pretty far in this career. Keep working, keep putting the bad people away. It may take a while but it’s a gratifying feeling. In the meantime, just keep your chin up and you’ll be just fine. You seem like a bright kid.”

“Thank you, sir. I appreciate that.”

“Please, you can call me Rossi. Everyone else does.”

“Okay. Rossi. Thanks.” With a warm smile he pats your arm.

“If you want a prime example of working hard to get ahead, look at Hotch. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that man not at work. That’s why he’s the boss.” Derek says. His words make your breath hitch. Just the mention of his name makes you nervous. It’s been such a long time since you’ve seen him and you only spent time together for one day but even so he has been such a huge inspiration to you. And seemingly for good reason. You already know that Hotchner is going to be the man to impress around here but you don’t mind that much.

“Speaking of, have you spoken with Hotch yet today?” Rossi asks.

“No. I actually have some paperwork that I need to give to him before we leave, clearing me to travel and all of that. Could I possibly see him now?” You try not to sound too desperately hopeful.

“Yeah, of course. His office is right up there.” Rossi points to a door across the room. With a deep breath you nod in gratitude and then begin making the walk over to his office. It seems like an endless journey as you remind yourself over and over again that he’s just a person and you don’t need to be so afraid. Or nervous. Excited? Infatuated? Whatever the feeling is, it’s overwhelming. Once you’re outside his door, you close your eyes and breath before knocking. His voice is clear coming from the other side as he tells you to come in.

Opening the door cautiously, you step inside with paperwork in hand. Hotch is sitting at his desk filling something out, not looking up.

“Good morning sir.” Upon hearing your voice he looks quickly up at you. His eyes are just as dark and intense as you dreamed, fixated completely on you. The two of you maintain eye contact for a moment and the world is nothing but him. Suddenly realizing what you’re doing you force yourself to snap out of it, reminding yourself that this man is your boss and you’re acting like a lunatic.

“Good morning.” He says simply, not moving as he watches you intently. Willing yourself to gather up all of your confidence, you walk over to stand right in front of his desk.

“It’s really lovely to see you again. Being here is like a dream. At the BAU, I mean. I’ve been looking forward to it for so long, I almost can’t believe that I’m here. Now that I am though, I’m ready to work. I plan to earn your trust now just like I did the last time we worked together. I won’t let you down.” With a sudden flush of embarrassment, you grip the papers tightly. You have only been in his office for a few seconds and already you have completely exploded in excitement. Taking another breath, you calm yourself. “Sorry sir. I’m just very excited to be here. If you couldn’t tell.”

There is another moment of silence as Hotch’s eyes stay locked on yours, scrutinizing your expression with calm intensity. For a second you can almost see him thinking, as though he’s working something out in his head though you aren’t quite sure what that is. After a moment he stands up, putting you both on equal footing. Everything about him commands your focus and attention. A quiet prayer hangs on your lips as you wait for him to say your name again after all this time. Just once is all you need and then you’d be happy. No more daydreams, no more delusions, no more distractions. Just once and you can do your job. If only he’d quit staring at you so deeply and tell you exactly what you want to hear.

“I do appreciate your heartfelt words ma’am but I’m afraid I’m at a loss. I’m not sure I know who you are.” With that your heart drops. Of all the things he could have possibly said, this was the most disappointing. It’s such a small sentence but it is a mighty blow.

“I’m sorry?” You inquire, hoping that maybe you misunderstood.

“I’m really very sorry ma’am but I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not sure we’ve ever met.” Nope, you had understood what he was saying perfectly much to your dismay.

“My name is Y/N L/N sir. We did meet a little over a year ago now. You came to my hometown to work on a case and I spent the day shadowing you. I was a student at the time. Today is my first day here as a team member.” Hotch says nothing in response for a time, his expression exposing what seems to be a deep sense of regret.

“I apologize. We go through a lot of cases, it’s difficult for me to keep track of all the people that come and go in my life.” That is all you need to hear to shut down any further fantasizing. You had come and gone from his life a long time ago. Frankly you feel foolish for indulging these thoughts anyway. It was one day a year ago. There is nothing to look into. He is your boss now, not some high school crush. This is a professional environment. This would be for the better anyway. At least those are the sorts of things you tell yourself. “I really don’t mean any offense. It’s nice to meet you. Needless to say we’ll get to know each other now since we’ll be working together. Welcome to the team.” He tries to soften his expression but there is still a severity to it that doesn’t ease the knot in your stomach.

“It’s really my fault, sir. I shouldn’t have expected you to remember me. It was a long time ago and you’re a very busy man. No offense taken. I’m excited to work with you.” Trying to change the subject, you extend your paperwork towards him. “Here’s all of my entry paperwork. It gives me authorization to travel, my medical and professional history is there as well. All I need is your signature and I will be clear to begin working.” Looking through it quickly he nods before signing each of the necessary lines. He hands it back to you and you nod awkwardly before deciding to merely head towards the door. “Thank you sir. I’ll take this to the front desk really quickly and I’ll be good to work this latest case. I’ve already brought a go-bag.”

“Oh, you won’t be needing a go-bag.” This stops you in your tracks.

“I won’t?” You ask, turning to face him.

“No, you won’t. You’re not travelling with us for the case.” Every dream you’d had about your first day at the BAU is crumbling around you with every word that comes out of his mouth.

“Can I ask why, sir?” Leaning down to open a cabinet, he pulls out his own go-bag and unzips it to check its contents. This simple act of dismissal is enough to make you feel an inch tall.

“It’s only your first day, I don’t hardly know anything about you. I don’t feel comfortable taking an agent into the field that is practically a stranger to me and to the rest of my team. It will only compromise your safety and the safety of others. When I get back, we’ll have a discussion and see where you’re at when the next case rolls around.”

“But sir,” For a second your own words ring in your head. You’re the boss. No explanation necessary. You are not the kind of person that questions authority. You never have been and you thought you never would be but hearing your new boss say this to you makes your blood boil for some reason. It’s like Spencer said. You have as much right to be here as anyone else and you have not gone through seven years of grueling work to be put on the sidelines from day one. “I have studied and trained for a long time. I put in the work, the same as the rest of you and that’s why I’m here. I didn’t just show up on accident, it’s because I’m good at what I do. I have all the paperwork and I am prepared to put in the effort on this case.” His movements have stopped now and his eyes stay locked on yours, unable to look away as you speak. Once you’re finished he breaks away and sighs deeply.

“I am not disputing any of that but I am responsible for the safety of my team and now that includes you. It would make me feel much better if I could talk with you before sending you to the front lines. I’m on your side here even if it doesn’t seem like it. But at the end of the day I am your boss and I have final say. The answer is no. I want to like you, Y/N. Don’t give me reason to distrust you on your first day.”

“Yes sir,” Is all you are able to mutter as you feel yourself deflate. “I didn’t mean any disrespect.” The shift in your demeanor must have been palpable because his expression suddenly softens and a hint of a smile ghosts over his lips as he walks over to you.

“I know you didn’t. I’m sorry to disappoint you but you’ll have your chance soon enough.” With that, he grabs his bag and walks out of the office. In no more than ten minutes all of your big hopes and dreams for your perfect first day at the BAU were crushed. Everything has been happening so fast that it still seems like it might not be real. It’s all you can do to walk back out into the bullpen. Derek is the first one to notice your mood shift.

“What happened?” With a forced smile you shake your head.

“I’m not going to be joining you guys. The boss doesn’t feel comfortable letting me into the field just yet. I guess it makes sense.” Hearing this, Derek, JJ, and Spencer all three share a confused look.

“It actually doesn’t make that much sense. If you’ve got the paperwork, you are clear to go in the field. Everything should be in order. I’m not sure why he would wanna keep you behind. You’ll learn more in the field than you will sitting here.” Emily and JJ nod in agreement and you shrug off his questioning.

“It is what it is. I’ll just have to make the most out of it.” You quiet down but he can see that there is still something upsetting you.

“Okay, come on. What else happened?” The expression on his face is one of determination as he stares you down, waiting for an answer.

“It’s nothing really. It’s just that he didn’t remember me and I was a little disappointed. That’s all. It’s not really a big deal.”

“No, that is definitely a big deal. Hotch is not a forgetful man. Especially when it comes to people. If he worked one on one with you a year ago and he knew you were going to be a future member of his team, he would have paid especially close attention to you. That just definitely doesn’t seem right to me.” As much as you agreed with him you decided now wasn’t the time to push the issue.

“Well, I’m sure he just had a lot on his mind. It doesn’t matter. Anyway, good luck guys. I’ll see you when you get back.” The look on Derek’s face indicates that he wants to continue the conversation but he doesn’t. The three of them grab their go-bags and head to the door. Following them you smile when Derek gives you a side hug.

“We’ll all go get a drink when we get back. I promise.” You nod.

“I’ll hold you to that.” Before he can walk out the doors with the others you stop him. “Hey. Thanks. I know we still don’t know each other that well but I appreciate you making me feel welcome.”

“No problem, kid. You’re one of us now. We have to protect our own.” With one last smile he disappears through the main doors. Stepping out after him you stop when you see Hotch standing right outside the doors. With a small breath you walk over to him.

“You’ll be working with our technical analyst, Penelope Garcia. Go down to the bottom floor. Her office will be the third door on the right when you get off the elevator. She’ll introduce herself. She’s very friendly. We’ll speak when I get back.” With that, he too disappears.

In little more than thirty minutes, your perfect day is ruined before it has even really begun. Thoughts spin inside your head faster than you can comprehend. It feels like your fault for letting your expectations get so high. There is no way of erasing it. No matter how many good days you have from here on out, your first day at the BAU will always be a sad memory. It hadn’t been all bad of course. It had been nice to talk with the other team members for the short time that you had. However, that feeling was quickly ruined by your interaction with Hotchner. He was one of the main reasons you were so excited to begin working. You were sure that he would have some inspirational words of advice for you but all he had done was make you feel belittled. There was no way of taking that back. Now you were side lined for your very first case and it was completely out of your control. You really wish you had your good luck charm right about now. Something tells you you’re going to need it now more than ever. The Hotch that exists within that business card is the one you want to linger in your memories. The respectful and professional agent who had made you feel so respected and appreciated. That is the Hotch you need right now but that isn’t the man you’d spoken with today. That is what broke your heart more than anything. With one last longing look at the main doors you gather yourself up and head down to meet Penelope Garcia.

Tags: @talesfromtheguild @lannister-slings-and-arrows @gamingaquarius @gryffindorwriter @nopeforyou @sheerfreesia007 @roxypeanut @ssahotchie @ohpedromypedro @ithinkhesgaybutwesavedmufasa @readsalot73 @the-mechanical-angel @races-erster @maxlordd @pascalisthepunkest @paintballkid711 @hotchafterhours @h0tchner @ssahotchswife @ssahotchhner @technotic-prophecy @klinenovakwinchester @hotch-stufff

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goldentournesol · 3 years

Text

Christmas Miracles

(Spencer Reid x fem!Reader)

The one where Spencer and Reader finally get pregnant after 2 years of trying and failing.

Length: 3.2k

A/N: TW pregnancy, thank you for requesting this anon, so sorry this is late, i know you asked for fluff but i added a touch of angst too because: hello, have you met me? also please accept my feeble attempt at a Christmas fic. i sure do hope no one goes through my search history now haha, anyway ENJOY! (sorry if this is crappy) It is officially Christmas where I live so MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!

masterlist

The click clack of her heels against the tiled floor of the hospital almost seemed too loud. She felt as though her presence was too much, but she had promised Kristy she’d be there. It almost felt unreal. Here she was, celebrating the birth of yet another Simmons baby when not a single Reid had been conceived. It might have been selfish of her to have such thoughts, but she couldn’t help it. Not when the one thing she and her husband had been praying for day and night came so easily to everyone but them.

It’s been two years since their wedding and for two years she’d felt nothing but the impending feeling of failure hanging around her shoulders. All she wanted was to give Spencer what he deserved, she knew how much he wanted kids. He didn’t even have to say it, it was evident in the way he treated Henry, Michael, and all the other children of the BAU.

She’d left her job as soon as Spencer texted her and said she’d meet them at the hospital. She took a deep breath before locating the familiar faces of the BAU in the waiting room.

“Hey!” JJ smiled, racing to hug her first.

“Hi, any news?” Y/N asked, pulling away from the hug and looking for her husband among the faces, smiling in recognition. She spotted him in a chair, adorning a hoodie that was much too large for him with “Washington DC” printed in bold letters across the front.

“No, not yet.” Spencer reached his hand out to her and she stepped towards him, smiling as he stood to embrace her. She pulled back once again and looked at his hoodie in amusement.

“Do I want to know what happened?” She giggled, gesturing towards his outfit. He laughed bashfully.

“I, um, had an...incident with the sprinklers at the park.” She watched as his cheeks turned an adorable shade of pink. She laughed and nodded.

“Alright then.” She took a seat beside him and forced the lump in her throat to break itself apart. But Spencer knew how she felt, of course he knew. Which is why he offered both his hand and shoulder to her as they waited. She gladly accepted both, wishing the heaviness in her chest would dissipate.

About a half hour later, Matt emerged from one of the rooms, announcing the birth of his baby girl. Everyone swarmed around him to give him celebratory hugs, Y/N felt as though someone had to unglue her from her seat. She smiled as wide as her face would allow and hugged him.

“Congratulations!” She exclaimed, trying her hardest not to make it sound forced.

“Thank you, thank you all.” He said, inviting them all into the room, where the wailing of a newborn baby could be heard. To many it could sound annoying, but Y/N was almost desperate to hear it. Before entering, Spencer grabbed her hand gently and stopped them in their tracks, reaching out to cradle both her hands in his.

“You okay? We can leave now if you want, just say you had an emergency at work or something.” He said quietly to her, knowing how it would make her feel if she were to see this baby right now. He never wanted to push her too far. He could see the uncertainty swimming around in her irises, but his wife was never one to back down from anything she’d promised someone else.

“I’ll be fine, Spence. I promised Kristy.” She whispered and he nodded, although he felt something was off in the pit of his stomach. He brushed it off as she pulled him into the room after her. Her eyes landed on Kristy cradling her baby girl and her heart melted at the sight.

“Oh, she’s beautiful, Kristy.” Y/N cooed, momentarily forgetting about the heaviness in her chest as the baby’s tiny eyes curiously wandered over to her.

“Thank you, Y/N. Would you like to hold her first?” Kristy smiled tiredly and everyone’s gaze fell onto Y/N, an unreadable tension silently floating in the room.

“I-I’d be honored.” She let go of Spencer who watched as his wife carefully scooped up the baby into her arms. His heart swallowed his chest from its swelling. He could barely control the softness in his gaze before Matt came up next to him and grabbed his shoulder, making him smile. The way she carried the baby with so much compassion was a sure sign for Spencer, this woman was meant to be a mother. The mother of his children.

Y/N grinned with slight tears in her eyes as she stared at the baby in her arms, “Hi, baby girl. You’re so beautiful.” She cooed softly as she swayed them slowly from side to side. The baby quieted down in her arms and it was a wonderful sight to see. Spencer’s heart was surely beating its last beats.

“Oh, she loves you already.” Emily said from the far side of the room. The comfortable weight of the baby in her arms had suddenly turned into 7.8 pounds of complete and utter dread. She had allowed herself to think that it was her own child for a split second.

What a huge mistake.

A tear escaped Y/N’s eye as she realized she’d have to part with this beautiful gift of life. She forced a smile and handed her back to her mother carefully. No one noticed the shift in Y/N’s mood, too enthralled by the baby, except Spencer, of course. She quickly wiped away the stay tear as she took her place next to Spencer, who had tried to take her hand in his, but she pulled away just in time. He breathed a heavy sigh as she silently fell apart right next to him.

After a few moments of failing to keep herself from falling apart in front of the team, she tugged on his sleeve harshly and he knew he’d have to excuse them. So he did, they said their farewells and were on their way to her car. She handed him the keys silently and avoided his gaze until they were in the car together.

“Sweetheart…” Spencer started, reaching out to caress any part of her, only wanting to provide a semblance of comfort.

“Please--please, don’t, Spencer.” She whimpered softly as she shrunk away from him and into the passenger seat, the tears falling freely now. Spencer frowned deeply and began driving them home in silence.

She wondered if she’d ever have the opportunity to be in Kristy’s shoes. All she wanted, as of right now, was to be a mother. The universe had been so, so unkind to them both throughout their lives. God knows Spencer’s been through hell and back more times than they can count. Despite all that though, Spencer was truly the best support system she could ask for. He never pushed her too far, he always understood her, never made her feel bad for not being able to get pregnant. But that didn’t take away from the way she felt. The way she felt like she was failing Spencer. The one thing her body was made for, and she couldn’t do it.

Spencer walked them both up to their apartment and put on the kettle to make some tea as she disappeared into their bedroom, probably to take a shower. For months and months, they’d been trying, and nothing seemed to work. It was taking a toll on Y/N and he couldn’t help but feel useless.

It went on this way for about a month, although Spencer and Y/N were getting much better about talking about it, as well as beginning to explore other options. Spencer kept convincing Y/N to get out of the house more, he insisted that perhaps time apart and engagement of individual activities would strengthen their relationship. So Penelope suggested a girls night in at least once a week. They would order junk food, watch sappy movies, and sometimes cry about their lives.

One night, all the women and spouses of the BAU were at Penelope’s, watching a movie and munching on crunchy snacks. Y/N suddenly sat up straight and gasped, pausing the movie quickly from the remote.

“What is it?” Tara asked, looking over at Y/N on the couch.

“What day is it?” She asked, slightly panicked.

“It’s...Saturday?” Emily replied.

“No, no! What day of the month?” She exclaimed, searching for her phone in between the couch seats.

“It’s the 12th, why? Is it someone’s birthday?” Penelope asked, confusion settling in.

“The 12th?!” Y/N exclaimed in shock.

“Y/N, what’s on the 12th?” JJ asked impatiently.

“I’m late! I’m 2 weeks late. Let me check first.” Y/N pulled up her phone and checked her period tracking app. The women all glanced at each other excitedly, “I’m late…”

“OKAY! Stay here, do not move. JJ and I will go get you a bunch of tests! Don’t move!” Penelope exclaimed, rushing up to put on a coat over her pajamas and slip on some shoes.

Y/N stood and began to wring her hands nervously.

“What’s wrong, isn’t this great news?” Kristy asked, her face showing concern.

“Yes! Yes, of course. Just...what if it’s n-not real, what if it’s negative? I-I don’t think I can handle that again.” Y/N said as her eyes filled with tears. Her heart seemed to have stilled in her chest and her throat began closing up in response to her anxiety.

“Even if that happens, we’re right here. We’ll be supporting you through it all.” Tara said, standing and hugging her tightly. The second she was in her arms, she began sobbing. The slightest comfort brought waves of fear and anxiety. Emily and Kristy frowned and felt their chests pull at the sight of her being so upset. Tara smoothed down her hair lovingly and convinced her to have a seat until Pen and JJ returned.

A few moments later, they came bursting through the door, “Alright, did you drink enough liquids, do you have to pee?” JJ asked, unpacking and handing her the tests.

“Umm, I don’t know but I’ve been peeing a lot anyway.” Y/N replied and JJ nodded.

“Okay, that’s a good sign.” Kristy nodded encouragingly.

Y/N moved to the bathroom and took the tests. She opened the door slightly and looked towards Penelope, “Can you come in? I-I’m too scared to look at it alone.”

“Of course.” She stepped in and Y/N left the door open for anyone else to come in. Soon they all gathered in or outside of the bathroom. Y/N sat on the closed toilet and wrung her hands nervously, a habit she’d picked up from Spencer. Penelope waited the appropriate amount of time and looked at the tests that were face down on the counter. She looked towards Y/N for approval and she nodded, holding her breath. She wasn’t a profiler but she was trying to read every single microexpression that crossed Penelope’s features. The room was heavy with anticipation as they all watched Penelope look at the tests.

Soon enough, her face broke out into a large grin, “Guess we’re getting a baby genius!” She exclaimed and everyone cheered loudly in response.

Y/N was frozen in shock on the toilet as everyone rushed to embrace her, “W-what?” She uttered in disbelief, tears clouding her vision quickly.

“They’re all positive! A baby Reid is in the oven!” Emily cheered, showing her the tests. She put a hand to her mouth to slow down the sobs escaping her. She hugged them all tightly and she knew, she just knew that this happened thanks to the sheer powerful energy of all the women by her side. The thought gave her goosebumps.

“Oh my God! I have to tell Spencer!” Y/N shouted in the midst of all her tears, just imagining the pure joy that would be on her husband’s face as he learned the news.

“If you leave now, you’ll make it before he gets home from Derek’s.” JJ said, checking her watch. Y/N nodded and raced out with the tests, putting on her shoes quickly.

“I love you all so much! Bye!” She yelled into the room before darting out the door.

She stopped by the grocery store to pick up some buns, an empty box, and a pair of the cutest baby sneakers she could find. As soon as she got home, she filled the box with the sneakers and the positive tests. She also placed a single bun in the oven and waited for Spencer to come home.

“Y/N, you here already? I saw the car parked downstairs--is everything oka--” he cut himself off as he found her in the kitchen holding something behind her back. His eyebrows raised suspiciously as he eyed her, “What’s going on? What are you up to?” He couldn’t resist smiling at her smile, the previous anxieties melting away.

“Check the oven, baby.” She said, leaning against the counter across from it. His brows furrowed even more as he peeked inside.

“I don’t get it. The oven’s not hot and this is likely a store-bought bun.” Spencer Reid, despite being a certified genius, he could be extremely oblivious at times.

“Yes, and where is it placed?” Y/N hinted.

“In the oven?” Spencer reached in and grabbed the bun. He turned around to face her, the bun in his hands.

“Yes, exactly! It’s a bun in the oven.” She laughed, giving up. She watched as his face lit up in realization.

“Wait...what?” Spencer said softly in disbelief, placing the bun down on the counter and taking a few steps towards her.

She grinned and pulled out the box from behind her and opened it up in front of him. He took it from her and inspected the test and the shoes with a dropped jaw, “W-we...you’re--” He laughed a wet laugh and placed his hands on her belly, “We’re gonna have a baby?” His voice cracked, tears clouding his eyes quickly.

“We’re gonna have a baby.” She confirmed and he pulled her into possibly the tightest hug she’d ever received from him. His shoulders began shaking in her arms and soon they were sobbing messes in front of each other. She rested her head on his chest and he kissed it over and over again until they both calmed down.

“I’m gonna be a father.” He finally said, smiling down at her with a dopey, lovesick smile.

She nodded, returning the smile, “The best father. Now come on, let’s have a seat and start planning.” She giggled, pulling him out of the kitchen and to the couch.

“You know, it’s thought that the saying bun in the oven originated in 1951.” He began explaining and she suddenly burst into a fit of fond giggles, hoping their child would get his intelligence and definitely his good looks.

At exactly 10 weeks, Spencer insisted that she get her first ultrasound. She didn’t mind, she just wanted him to be there, and with his hectic schedule, it was hard to find a perfect time to go. But alas, they figured it out and Spencer was practically bouncing on his feet in excitement in the waiting room. Y/N placed a calming hand on his knee and smiled reassuringly. They took turns calming each other down. Even though Spencer had read every book about parenting and children within reach, he still felt so unprepared as a first time parent.

“Mr. and Mrs. Reid? The doctor is ready for you now.” A nurse with a clipboard announced, making Spencer shoot up out of his seat and helped his wife out of hers.

Soon, they made it into the office and before she knew it the doctor had already spread the icy cold gel on Y/N’s growing belly. A steady, repetitive noise could be heard throughout the room, bouncing off the walls. It sounded like an underwater heartbeat with a tad of something sloshing around.

“Oh, do we hear that? That’s the sound of the baby’s heart-Oh! What do we have here?” The doctor announced as she maneuvered her way on top of her belly.

“What is it?” Spencer anxiously asked, peering over at the screen.

“It seems as though there are two amniotic sacs as well as two healthy heartbeats! Congratulations, you’re having twins!” The doctor exclaimed happily. The couple stared at each other in an absolute stunned daze.

“Twins?” Y/N had to make sure she was hearing it correctly.

“Yes, a pair of healthy twins.” The doctor confirmed.

“That’s...th-that’s only a 4% chance. This is amazing!” Spencer uttered, hugging her tightly.

Over the course of the next six months, Spencer and Y/N have been living on the absolute tips of their toes. Y/N was extremely clingy at times and Spencer was terrified of leaving her, should he be called in for a case. As the twins’ due date nears, Spencer turns into a shell of himself and instead a home for festering anxiety and fear. He’s terrified something might go wrong. Whereas Y/N could not wait for the babies to be out of her! The day couldn’t come sooner.

Thankfully, serial killers all over the country had decided to take a break for Christmas time. Spencer, Y/N, and her belly were invited to every gathering leading up to Christmas eve. She wished she wouldn’t have to waddle along for much longer.

As the two sat in peaceful silence, listening to instrumental versions of their favorite Christmas music and munching on gingerbread men, something felt off.

“Uhhh, Spence?”

“What is it, sweetheart?” Spencer asked, sitting up, failing to notice the large pool of liquid now under his wife soaking the couch.

“My water just broke.” She announced, feeling her breath quicken.

“Oh-OH!” Spencer shot up from the couch and quickly grabbed the hospital go bag that’s been living by the door for the past few weeks. He put on a pair of shoes for her and carefully helped her off the couch.

“Spencer, it’s Christmas eve, we’ll never find a place in the hospital!” Y/N panicked slightly as she waddled to the door, trying to control her breathing.

“Shh, baby don’t worry about that right now. I just need you to do the breathing exercises we practiced so much, okay?” He said calmly, doing her breathing exercises, prompting her to imitate him. He surprised her by being so calm and composed all the way to the hospital then she remembered he’d once told her that he finds he does his best work under intense pressure.

20 grueling hours later, two beautiful baby girl Reids were born into this world on Christmas day. It truly was a Christmas miracle. The team filed in on Christmas day to find one exhausted Spencer standing and an even more exhausted Y/N on the bed, each cradling a baby girl of their own.

“Oh my, oh, they’re so beautiful.” Penelope gushed, her and JJ leaning over Y/N’s bed to peer at one of the girls. Luke, Tara, and Emily walked towards Spencer, who could not stop grinning.

Seriously, his face should have been split in half at this point from how much he’d been smiling. There was no one else in this world he’d rather have a child with, and he was blessed with not one, but two enchanting Christmas miracles who will surely steal his heart and never return it, and he’ll be more than okay with that.

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winterscaptain · 4 years

Text

focused.

Aaron Hotchner x Gender Neutral!Reader a joyful future fic

a/n: thanks to kira for helping me through the last dregs of this!! you’re amazing!! As promised, here’s lo-fi/mayhem in our ajf world. as (usually) usual, no context required to enjoy, but it’s pretty fun over here!

words: 6.4k warnings: language, canon-typical injury/violence, everyone’s mad and everyone’s worried!

summary: “knowing when to fight is just as important as knowing how.” terry goodkind, faith of the fallen. au!may 2008

masterlist | a joyful future masterlist | ajf faq | taglist | what do you want to see next? updated: february 1st, 2021

“Don’t get comfortable. There will be time to debrief on the plane.” Hotch’s eyes are trained on the monitor, where grainy security footage plays and replays an exceedingly casual murder in an underground subway station.

Reid, entering behind you, squints at the monitor. “Where are we headed?”

“New York.”

Rossi advances on the monitor. “Five shootings in two weeks. It’s about time we got the call.”

You watch as Hotch replays the tape again. “Why the delay?”

Aaron doesn’t answer you, but rather addresses Derek. “I want to take Garcia with us. Hopefully they’ll give us access to their surveillance systems.”

He’s distracted, almost absent-minded. It’s odd.

“What do we know?” You try again with another question, and Emily dips her chin - she had the same one.

Hotch pauses the video, turning toward the rest of you - loosely circled around the table. “All the killings are mid-day. Single gunshot to the head with a .22.”

“Any witnesses?” As always, JJ looks for somewhere to go as soon as wheels are down.

She really doesn’t get paid enough.

There’s something odd in her voice and temperament this morning, but you can’t quite put your finger on it. Now that you’re really awake and looking around, everyone's a little jumpy this morning. It doesn't help that the two most grounded people on the team are the most absent-minded of you all.

“No.”

Spencer pipes up. “.22-caliber pistol’s only 152 decibels. New York streets and subways are routinely well over a hundred.”

“So,” you ask, “could it be such that possible witnesses don’t even clock it before the unsub’s already on their way?”

Spencer nods.

Derek shifts beside you. “They sound like mob hits.”

Aaron dips his chin, but says, “Except none of them have ties to organized crime.”

The rest of the facts and questions fly past you - no connection between victims, no communication or contact, surveillance footage that shows next to nothing, an establishment that the unsub is bold and well-trained.

Seems completely random.

Spencer voices your next thought. “Son of Sam all over again.”

The grim look on Aaron’s face tells you all you need to know.

+++

Derek, Penelope, and Emily shoot the shit as they get on the plane, but you notice JJ staring forlornly out the window. You resolve to discover what that’s about as soon as possible. Having her down was odd…

But she has been acting strange lately, not just today.

You sit beside Hotch, across from Reid as Rossi flips through photos of the victims.

Spencer makes astute observations about the continued pattern of, well, no pattern at all, while Hotch provides some remarks here and there.

One of them catches your attention. “It’s a joint FBI-NYPD taskforce?”

Yeah, because those always go over so well.

“Kate Joyner heads up the New York field office. She’s running point on the case and called me directly.” He calls out to JJ, who then informs the pilot you’re all ready to get wheels up. “Kate’s starting to butt heads with the local detectives and wanted a fresh set of eyes.”

There’s something in his voice you can’t place. History, maybe?

“Joyner, I know her,” Derek says. “She’s a Brit, right?”

Hotch shrugs. “Well, dual citizenship. Her father’s British, her mother’s American. She was a big deal at Scotland Yard before coming to the Bureau.”

You look over at him.

That’s a ridiculous amount of knowledge for someone who doesn’t work in the same state, Aaron.

“I heard she can be a little bit of a pain in the ass.” It’s a test. The defiant tip of Derek’s chin tells you as much.

Hotch takes the bait. “I didn’t think so.”

You can’t help it. “You know her?”

“We liaised when she was still at Scotland Yard.”

You look at Emily, who shrugs.

“And she’s good?” You wouldn’t call Dave’s tone skeptical, but if you didn’t know any better, you’d say it was another test. He’s a lot subtler than Morgan.

Hotch looks back at Dave. “I think we’re lucky to have her.”

+++

You all step out of the elevator, and you stay closest to JJ. Her absent-mindedness had yet to leave her, and as the person closest to her age, you were doing your best to support her with your presence alone.

JJ leans toward you as you approach the center of the office. “Is it just me or does she look -”

“- exactly like Haley?” You finish JJ’s thought. “Yeah.”

There’s a little smile you can see on Aaron’s face, just touching his profile. Agent Joyner has one too, and it makes you feel...something.

Whatever it is, it isn’t comfortable.

“Kate.”

“Aaron. How’ve you been?”

You take another glance at JJ. She seems to have the same thought as you.

First name basis? How close are they?

“Well, thank you. This is my team.” He introduces you all one by one, and you attempt to plaster a polite smile on your face, just like everyone else. Derek’s the only one who doesn’t make an effort, and you tap the side of his shoe with your foot.

Penelope gets settled right away, and the NYPD detectives approach shortly after that. Of course, they start with a snide remark at Spencer. Your hackles rise, and you take a little huff of a breath.

Calm down.

Kate introduces Detectives Brustin and Cooper. Dave gets right to the point, doing his best to establish baseline rapport.

It doesn’t work.

You don’t notice that you’ve crept closer to Aaron throughout the proceedings, now standing just off his shoulder, next to Emily, until Kate leans into him. “Can I have a word with you in private?”

The crumpling of your brow is quick, and you hope nobody noticed. Emily’s head, whirling around to look at Derek, is far less subtle.

“Sure.”

Emily tracks back to JJ, who looks confused. In a hushed and suggestive tone, she tells her, “They...liaised when she was at Scotland Yard.”

You hide your laugh in your shoulder, covering your movement with an attempt to adjust your backpack.

Derek steps up behind you. “Let me get that for you, kiddo.”

You look up at him, hard-pressed to keep your mirth to yourself. A little smile plays at the edge of his lips as well. He turns you around when he’s done pretending to be helpful, holding you in the little huddle that develops between the rest of you and the NYPD detectives.

Derek’s eyes keep flickering to Kate’s office, where she and Hotch chat informally and perhaps even fondly, to an extent. Heat rises in your cheeks.

Get over yourself.

+++

You attempt to ignore the sheer amount of time Aaron spends looking over Kate’s shoulder behind her desk. Tearing your eyes from her office window, you return to your task.

The whiteboard marker in your hand is seeing lots of use as you follow Spencer’s instructions, tracing lines between key points, making notes, etc. Cooper’s banter with Emily puts a little smile on your face.

“Anti-geographical profiling? Now you wonder why we’re so skeptical?” Cooper’s voice is full of play, but there’s a very real concern behind it.

Emily laughs, but then explains, “This unsub’s organized. He strikes at the same time of day, he knows where the cameras are placed. That means he’s doing his own surveillance.”

You offer your two cents in support of Spencer, who outlines the difference between need-motivated killers and organized killers. Cooper looks a little impressed by the time you add, “So, essentially, we need to look everywhere this unsub isn’t to find where he lives. He has a comfort zone, and we just have to find it.”

“What are we finding?” Hotch and Kate roll out of her office, and he settles beside you, peering at the map.

You look over your shoulder at him. “He’s organized, so we’ve redirected to an anti-geographical profile.”

“Keep looking.” He turns on his heel and walks out the door, Kate trailing behind him with a confidence that tightens your jaw.

Maybe Derek was right. Maybe she is a pain in the ass.

+++

You keep your eyes up as Rossi and Hotch inspect the body on the busy New York street. Your mind wanders to a lecture at the academy, the voice of the late Jennifer Shepard echoing through your head.

“Always watch the watchers.”

But then again, she’d always backed it up with another story about “the man with all the rules” to undermine the rules in question. The stories did more than make you laugh - they helped you remember.

“See anything?” Hotch looks up, not at you, but you know you have his attention.

You shake your head, your eyes still on the crowd. “Nothing obvious.”

He hums, and tunes back in as Derek says, “From the placement of that camera, odds are the only view they’re gonna get is the back of his head.”

“Let’s not be too quick to decide what we do or don’t have.” Kate meets Derek’s eyes and stares him down. You bristle, but Hotch turns just the smallest bit toward you, reminding you to behave.

The detective makes another snide remark as Kate brushes past the rest of you.

Derek turns toward Hotch, and you step back, giving them the illusion of privacy. “You mind telling me why I’m catching attitude from her?”

Because you’re better at your job? Because you don’t have a chip on your shoulder the size of the Atlantic? Because you probably haven’t maybe slept with our unit chief, maybe?

“FBI brass has made it clear to her that if she doesn’t bring this case home, she’s gonna be reassigned. And you are at the top of the list to replace her.”

“You’re kidding me.”

Aaron squints a little, but his words are deeply genuine. “Why should you be surprised? You’re good at your job. People notice that.”

He’s right.

“What happened to the Bureau patting itself on the back from stealing her away from Scotland Yard?”

Hotch shakes his head and sighs. “I don’t know. Politics here are different. And you can see she doesn’t pull punches.” He walks away, and Derek looks over his shoulder at you.

With a little smile, you say, “He’s right, you know.”

“You’re a terrible ass-kisser, kid.”

Nevertheless, he taps your shoulder with his knuckle and you both make your way to Rossi, examining a tarot card.

+++

“We’ve got more than one unsub.” Hotch’s tone is more than defeated, and you peer further over his shoulder, your fingers pressing lightly into the back of his arm for balance.

Rossi circles the desk. “So, we have more than one unsub. What does that tell us?”

“Most teams stick together,” Spencer says. “Ng and Lake. The Krays. Bittaker and Norris. They don’t usually kill separately.”

Derek is next, offering, “Could be some kind of gang initiation.”

Emily and JJ volley about gang operations and local task forces for a moment before Kate asks. “Do you think we have enough for a working profile?”

You startle a little. She’s closer than you thought, on the other side of Hotch. You lean around him, the soft wool of his suit sleeve still under your fingers. “Broad strokes, maybe. Nothing specific, yet.”

Hotch makes a few assignments, but you’re focused on Derek. As you suspected, he has an idea. “I think we should get out on the streets.”

Also unsurprising, Kate has an immediate rebuttal. “I brought you here to create a profile.”

“Which we can give in the morning, and they can share it with the afternoon shift.”

She huffs. “We’ve allocated every extra man we have.” You don’t miss the warning glance Hotch shoots Derek or the way Derek ignores it. “This is New York City. It’s not like adding a few more people is gonna blanket the city.”

“I understand it’s a long shot. But these guys, they hit at mid-day. We could target ingress and egress to particular neighborhoods. Position us near express stops - 14th, 42nd, 59th -”

“Morgan. It’s not your call.” Hotch’s rebuke is harsh, surprising.

You inhale sharply and tuck your lip between your teeth, retracting your hand.

This is gonna be a long case.

+++

Thankfully, you’re all headed back to the hotel in fairly short order. Hotch has all but ordered Kate to bed, and you try not to let your thoughts stray too far in response.

Spencer’s eyes wander up, and you follow them. “JJ -”

Will?

You’d only met him once but like him well enough. He was polite, pleasant, and even funny. Seeing as you hadn’t heard much about him in the last few months, you assumed JJ had broken it off.

Guess not.

She turns. “Will.”

“Hey,” he says, “took a shot and flew to D.C. but it didn’t work. I figured I’d train up to New York - only a few more hours.”

Hotch looks a little surprised, which probably means you do too. He extends his hand. “Detective.”

Will takes it. “I’m sorry for showing up like this. I know you’re working. But, um…” He drops his voice. “I can’t stand you being on this case and me not being here - not with what’s going on.”

You look at JJ, who looks a little uncomfortable, and then Hotch, who looks a little confused. Aaron’s the first one to speak, and you’re more than a little touched by the concern in his voice as he addresses JJ and JJ alone. “Is there a problem?”

Will dips his head, and you know he’s disappointed.

What the hell is going on?

She turns toward the team. With a little laugh, she says, “I’m pregnant.”

Hotch freezes, and you step close to him as Emily congratulates her. Will extends his hand and Hotch shakes it again. “I’ve asked JJ to marry me.”

JJ whirls around, and there’s a warning in her voice. “Will.”

“We’re, ah, working out some kinks.”

“We’ll, um” Aaron says, coming back to himself, “give you both some privacy.” He nods and steps away. You follow close behind him, but you fall back as JJ hops after him.

“Hotch -”

There’s something in his voice you’ve never heard before when he replies. “JJ, you could have told me.” He almost sounds...hurt? Your brow crumples, and you try to stay out of his eye line as they chat.

Pin that for later...

“I know.”

“I understand if you need to take some time.”

“No, I want to be here.” She’s firm in her conviction, and you can’t say you’d be any different if you were in any similar situation - injury, illness, otherwise.

“Okay. Seven AM.”

She nods and turns back to Will while Hotch continues toward the elevators. The rest of the team passes ahead of you, leaping into the open lift. Aaron hangs back and you follow his lead, letting the doors close.

“Are you okay?”

He sighs. “Yeah. Just unexpected.”

Taking a little leap, you step close to him in a show of camaraderie. He’d never let on, but he needs contact sometimes. You might even go so far as to say the poor man is touch-starved.

He wraps his arm around you, and you bite back a pleased smile, feeling more than a little chuffed. You examine his profile. “What’s on your mind?”

His shrug says many things. His sigh says more.

“Yeah,” you say. “I know.”

+++

“We’re not having that discussion, right now.” Hotch’s cutoff is flat, and it shoots irritation through you.

Your brow furrows, and you sputter for a second before turning on him. “What’s with you? That’s like the sixth time you’ve shut me down today.”

Hotch opens his mouth to reply, but before he can, Kate’s voice chirps from behind you.

“Are all your younger agents this insubordinate, Aaron, or is it limited to this one?”

You grit your teeth, and blatantly ignore the apology blossoming in Hotch’s eyes as you say, “Excuse me, sir.” You turn your head, not quite looking at Kate. “Agent Joyner.” You brush past Hotch, almost shoulder-checking him, and leave the room. The door shuts loudly behind you.

Derek looks up, and you wave him off as he rises to follow.

Throwing the stairway door open, you fly down two flights of stairs before sitting heavily upon the landing. You throw your blazer off, the heat under the fabric only fueling your anger.

Your hands cover your face and you manage three deep breaths before tears press in at your eyes. Molten humiliation courses through you, your face hot and hands shaking.

It’s not fair to expect Kate to understand the rapport you have with Hotch, why you can push him inexplicably further than the rest of your team. It’s not fair, but you still feel betrayed by Hotch’s accommodation of her insecurity and Kate’s own ridiculousness.

The lack of sleep doesn’t help.

A few relevant thoughts regarding the profile float through your head and you pin them for later.

The door opens two floors above, and you hear Aaron’s familiar footsteps hesitate before they slowly descend to your level. You keep your face pressed into your hands as he sits beside you, resting his arms on his knees.

“I’m sorry I’ve been so hard on you today.”

You sniff, but don’t answer. He waits for you, a few minutes passing in silence, but you don’t have anything to say.

“I’ve done my best to make Kate feel supported, but I -” he huffs, and you know he’s working hard to properly articulate his feelings. You appreciate it. “I’ve failed both you and Morgan in the process. I’ve explained the situation to him, but I didn’t speak to you before I…” He trails off. “For that, I’m sorry.”

You drop your hands from your face, wiping at the evidence of your anger. “Just...remember who’s on your team, would you?”

“I do.”

“Then -” You throw your arms up and huff at him, his response inspiring a new wave of irritation in your chest. “Then why the fuck are you riding my ass about this shit today? You haven’t taken a single one of my ideas, and all but one has been really good.”

He sighs. “I know. I also know that you can take it. I trust you to be resilient in difficult political situations such as this one. I don’t have that same trust in Kate right now.” He pauses and you watch his left thumb worry a track back and forth over the knuckle of his middle finger. Your eyes wander to the barely-noticeable tan line where his wedding ring used to sit. With a start, you realize you didn’t notice its absence and you don’t know when he took it off. When he speaks again, your eyes snap back to your feet. “Your ability to step away instead of rightfully lashing out at Kate speaks to your excellence and professionalism in your role, and shows me my faith is not misplaced.”

You look at him, finding his brown eyes soft and apologetic. “Thanks.”

He grabs your blazer off the ground and stands. He straightens his suit jacket, offering you a hand. You take it and rise, using the back of your other hand to rid yourself entirely of tears.

With gentle hands, he slips your blazer over your shoulders, fixing the collar and brushing debris off the back. You let him fuss, knowing all the while his concern is another apology.

“It’s far too organized to be just organized crime, by the way,” you inform him casually, as if remarking on the weather.

He looks almost startled. “What?”

You tug on his arm and take the stairs two at a time back up to Kate’s floor. “Look.” He follows you as you burst back through both sets of doors into the conference room, stepping in front of Kate for access to the map. “We have more than one unsub. They’ve attacked different neighborhoods across Manhattan - all different demographic and socio-economic backgrounds. They’re trying to send a message, and each attack is a play to build their audience. If anything, our presence tells them that it’s working.”

A look of realization crosses Hotch’s face, and he presses a hand to your shoulder, his fingertips squeezing just a little before he lets go. “Well done.” He turns to Kate. “We’re ready to update the working profile.”

You keep your eyes trained on Aaron, but Kate’s clenched jaw doesn’t escape your notice.

+++

“Focused? From where I’m standing, your focus is on her.”

It’s finally come to a head. Derek has absolutely lost it, rightfully so, in the middle of the federal building, while Hotch tries to keep the peace, and Kate looks appropriately chastised.

You reach for Derek’s elbow with gentle fingers, but he shakes you off.

“Take a walk. Now.” Aaron’s tone is nothing to trifle with, and it sends a shiver down your spine.

Fuck.

“Derek. C’mon.” You yank once on his sleeve and lead him out the doors. He’s pissed, almost vibrating with energy.

You look over your shoulder exactly once to check on Aaron, who leans heavily over a desk. When he looks up, you turn your head before he can meet your gaze.

Yes, it’s a punishment. Yes, he knows it. He'll get your attention once he’s earned it again.

Derek cools off a little once you get outside, and he leads the way to the hotel bar. You’re sure you'd be better off returning to your post upstairs, but he needs you more than anyone else right now.

You also don’t trust yourself to be in the same room as Aaron - the likelihood of losing your usually-endless patience with him is dangerously high. At this rate, you’d get yourself a first-class ticket to Suspension City - at worst ending with your removal from the unit.

There was no way on this green earth that you’d end up off the unit of Hotch had any say, but your exhausted brain was only giving you the worst-case scenario at the moment.

He sits heavily on a barstool and orders a Stella. You don’t comment on his choice to drink while on the clock. You take a water, and wait for him to speak. He doesn’t touch his beer.

“Thanks for coming with me.”

“Of course.”

“You should go back.”

Looking up, you see Rossi walking through the doors. “Alright, but you’re not getting out of anything.” By the time you’ve finished, Dave is at Derek’s other side, getting comfortable. You press a hand to Derek’s shoulder, leaving them alone.

You take a few deep breaths before returning to the proper floor. Kate is in her office with Hotch over her shoulder.

He looks up when you walk in. How’s Morgan?

“He’ll be back.”

+++

You reach Emily with Derek and JJ, and she looks flustered.

“Are you okay?” Derek takes stock of Emily, but you figure out there’s nothing to know about Cooper.

Emily walks through the moments before and during the shooting, growing increasingly intense. You watch her as Derek digs and digs - finding the right questions for the answers she wants to share.

“Wait,” you ask. “You think he deliberately shot someone where he could be caught?”

“What if he did?” Her eyes are wild, angry. “What if they chose this spot because we were here?”

“What are you thinking?” Derek leans forward, searching her face for answers.

She enumerates her points. “He had no ID on him. He waited until we caught up to him. He was strangely calm- it’s almost like suicide by cop.”

“Why?” You hear yourself ask. “Why would he do that?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe to make us think everything was finished.”

You look at Derek. He looks back at you.

“We need to walk back through this profile.”

Just then, Aaron and Kate dip under the police tape and make a beeline for Rossi and Reid. Dave looks grim and you can’t hear what they’re saying, but you’re sure they’ve come to the same conclusion as you.

Terrorism.

+++

“So much for theory.” Dave uncrosses his arms and the room leaps into action.

Kate grabs her blazer and looks at Aaron. “We need to hit the ground running.”

“I'm gonna head to the hospital,” Emily says, already headed for the door. “I'll check on Cooper and brief detective Brustin.”

“Good.” Aaron makes the rest of the assignments. “Dave, will you go talk to the commissioner?” He assigns you and Derek to Homeland Security for a briefing, and you grab your things. You will be Derek’s shadow for the duration, and you’re more than happy you’re with him.

So why does something feel...wrong?

You look at Aaron, and his brow is furrowed. He meets your eyes. What’s wrong?

I don’t know.

His mouth presses into a thin line. This first, then that.

You nod and he starts talking again. “Kate and I will go talk to the mayor and we'll meet back here as soon as possible.”

“One advantage that we have right now is that they don't know we know they're watching.”

For once, you agree with Kate. It’s about damn time.

+++

You get into the car with Derek and head toward the DHS field office.

“I’m proud of you, kid. You’ve done well.”

Smiling a little, you thank him. “Though I do think we’ve pushed Hotch to the absolute limit this week, between the two of us.”

He rolls his eyes, speeding down the shockingly barren New York streets. “If one of us isn’t, who is?”

“Rossi.”

You both freeze as an explosion goes off. You don’t know where it is, but Derek turns around with a spectacular screech of tires.

“Derek...What -”

“We’re going back. That’s not good. Let’s go.” He guns the engine, and you’re on your way back to the federal building with sirens blaring.

His phone rings and he checks the caller ID as he answers. “Yeah. I'm still here.” He looks at you. “We’re still here.”

“Yes, you are. Thank God.”

Garcia.

“I'm almost back at the federal building. What the hell's going on?”

“Alright, we're going over the closed-circuit footage right now.” You can hear her faintly through the phone, and he puts her on speaker.

“Who else have you checked on?”

“You're the first. Rossi and Reid called me.”

“All right. Keep me on the line while you check on everyone else.”

Emily picks up next. “Is everyone ok?”

Garcia tells her she’s got the both of you on the line, and she’s already spoken to Rossi and Reid.

Your body is almost completely bowed toward Derek, twisted in the passenger seat. “Emily, where are you?”

“I'm following detective Brustin to one of the NYPD’s Critical Incident Command Posts.”

“One of them?” Garcia’s confusion is only a little frantic, and you more than sympathize with her tangent. Anything is a better thought than the one you’re all sharing at this very moment.

Derek explains the decentralization of the CICP’s following 9/11 - too many eggs in one basket.

Garcia cuts him off, getting back on track. “Has anyone talked to JJ?”

Emily answers her. “She was headed back to the hotel.”

“In an SUV?

“I think so. Stay with me a minute. I'll dial her mobile.”

JJ’s voicemail rings through Derek’s phone, and your heart sinks. “This is Agent Jareau, Communications Director for the FBI’s Behavioral--” It cuts off.

You lean over the center console. “What was that? What happened?”

Garcia’s voice is flustered when she answers, “It went dead mid-message.”

“Try her again. She's probably back at--” You lose Emily.

You lost all of them in the middle of a sentence, and all the blood drains out of your face. Derek drops his phone into one of the cupholders and reaches out. You grab his hand, holding it in both of yours.

This is a nightmare.

Derek keeps driving, and you find a police barricade on your way back to the federal building. Derek throws the car into park and you both leap out of the car, flashing your badges at anyone who will look. You find the man in charge, but he tells you to get back to the federal building.

Hot anger flies through you.

Who does he think he is?

You stick close to Derek, but startle when you hear Hotch cry out. Pressing along the barricade, you call across the block. “Aaron! Aaron! We’re here!”

You get leave to go, and you and Derek sprint toward Aaron and Kate. He’s covered in blood, both his and Kate’s and you get on one side of him while Derek crouches on the other side of Kate. Your hands flutter over him for a moment, one of them landing on the nape of his neck. The softness of his hair is the same as it’s always been, and it grounds you.

“Aaron -”

He’s not looking at you. “Morgan, we've got to get her out of here.”

Derek throws his arm out of the side, outlining the situation. “They're not letting any ambulances down here ‘til they clear the scene.” He turns to the young man hovering behind Aaron. “Kid, you gotta get behind the barricades. Let's go. Go!”

Hotch nods at him. “Go, Sam.”

“Good luck.” The kid sprints off, and Derek draws Hotch’s focus again.

“Talk to me. Can we carry her?” He leans further over Kate, into Aaron’s eye line. “Hotch, can we carry her?”

“No, I tried. Morgan, she's gonna bleed to death if we don't get her out of here. We gotta do something.” The ache in his voice is horrible. You reach out, brushing some hair off Kate’s forehead. She’s cold to the touch, and you press your hand to the side of her face, willing your warmth into her.

“C’mon Kate.” You whisper to yourself. She’s still not your favorite person, but Aaron’s agony as he literally holds her body together tears your heart in two.

Derek’s phone rings, and it’s Penelope. “Garcia, I got Hotch. But listen to me. You gotta get somebody down here right away, you hear me? Right now. What? You're absolutely sure?” Derek looks up, finding the kid standing by the shelled remains of the car. “Hotch. The kid. He's the bomber.”

“Go.” Aaron’s voice is defeated, and you hesitate as your body coils to chase after Derek. Aaron looks at you. “Please. Stay.”

You nod, and tuck in close to him, keeping one hand on his arm and another on Kate’s cheek. An ambulance pulls up, and you’re more than relieved.

Hotch briefs the paramedic. “She's got an arterial bleed in her back and I'm doing my best to hold it closed.

“You ok?”

Isn’t that the question of the hour.

“I just want to get her out of here.”

That’s not a fucking answer, Aaron.

You let it go, for now. He’s a mess, but he’s alive and he’s conscious. That’s what’s important right now. You tune back in.

“You were calling for help and I couldn't listen anymore. My partner was too afraid to come in here with me.”

Aaron leans into Kate, and your heart pulls again. “Kate, we're gonna get you out of here. We're on our way out of here.”

You help as much as you can, following instructions and making sure Kate’s stable.

+++

When you’re all finished, you get into the passenger seat of the ambulance. Hotch is on autopilot and he shouldn’t be driving, but you’re ready to take over at a moment’s notice.

When you’re stopped at the emergency room entrance, you flash your credentials as Hotch explains the situation as clearly as he can. The Secret Service agent reluctantly waves you through. Kate’s crashing in the back, and Aaron’s agitation flies through the roof.

It’s a blur, but you finally end up in the hospital, shadowing Aaron. He collapses, and you cry out for help, holding his hands as he hits the ground.

Everything's happening so fast.

When will it end?

+++

“Kiddo, where’s Hotch?” Derek comes flying through the doors of the ER, and you throw yourself into him.

“He’s fine. Massive trauma to his right ear and a shrapnel wound. Kate’s in surgery.”

There’s a commotion from behind the open door, and you both rush in when you hear Hotch’s voice.

You get in between Hotch and the attending, doing your best to calm him down. “Aaron, Hotch. Calm down. Slow down. You’re really hurt.”

“Where’s Kate?”

You press your hands into his wrists, and he twists his arms, surprising you by gripping your forearms. “She’s in surgery. Your go-bag is on its way. Nothing’s happened since the first blast.”

He looks somewhat placated but looks over at Derek. “Sam?”

“He’s dead.”

Hotch releases you. “Morgan, the profile's wrong. Call JJ.”

+++

“Are you ok?” Emily takes full stock of him, and isn’t happy with what she finds.

“Yeah. I just want to understand why I'm still alive.” You help him with his vest, minding his shoulder. You’re not sure what’s wrong with it, but he’s favoring one over the other. He looks at you, and there are thanks in his brown eyes. You offer him a quick, soft smile but continue with your task, gently tightening the vest around his tender ribs, smoothing over the velcro with even pressure.

You’re listening as they go along, talking signatures and bomb-making and all manner of horrific precedent. You pass two pieces of fresh cotton to Hotch, who immediately replaces the bloodied cotton in his right ear. He shakes his head with two deep blinks.

His ears are ringing something stupid right now, I bet.

I wish I could do more.

Just be here. Do your job. That’s what you can do.

All at once, you figure out that the ambulance is the bomb. You spot Hotch as he moves (way too fast) down the hallway.

Goddamn it, Aaron.

+++

The bastard slit his throat.

Fuck.

The look on Aaron’s face is nothing short of disgust, and you’re sure yours matches.

+++

You’re waiting for him when he walks out of the operating room. His eyes are hollow and they seem to look through you rather than at you.

“Hotch - Aaron - I’m so sorry.”

You didn’t particularly like Kate, but you know how much he cared for her. His pain often feels like yours - even more frequently, you can't parse his from yours. While you didn’t expect to mourn her, you find that weight in your belly anyway. Your eyes mist up against your will, your breath hitching in your throat.

He doesn’t say anything, and your voice is almost desperate when you ask, “What can I do?”

Brown eyes flicker around the room. He looks more like a caged animal in this moment than in any other you’ve ever seen. You approach him slowly, and you’re not sure if he heard you. There’s still blood on his neck from his ear, and you’re terrified he’s lost his hearing for good.

“Aaron?”

He finally acknowledges you when you’re close enough to him to take his hand. You catch him as he wilts, pressing a hand to the back of his head as he tucks his head into your neck.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry, Aaron.”

He mumbles something into your shoulder, and you lean back, holding him up with your hands on his biceps.

“What?”

“Call Haley. Tell her, please. They got along really well. She’d want to know.”

You nod and guide him to a chair. He sits heavily, tilting his head against the wall. Pulling your phone from your belt, you ask, “Do you want me to stay here?”

He nods, his eyes closed.

You dial the familiar number and hold the phone to your ear, settling down on his left so he can hear.

Haley answers the phone, a question at the end of your name.

“Yeah, Haley, it’s me. Hi.”

“Hi. Is everything okay?”

You look at Aaron, who’s still and quiet beside you. “Not really.”

“I heard about the bombing in New York, the murders...Is everyone alright?”

“We’re alright. Aaron’s fine - some mild injuries but nothing serious.”

“Okay?” You hear the unspoken question. Then why are you calling?

“I was told you’d - um.” You take a deep breath, and it catches. Aaron flips his hand palm-up on his knee, and you take it. “I was told you were close with Kate Joyner, from the New York field office. She used to be at Scotland Yard?”

“Oh, yes, of course!” Her voice falters. “Wait. Oh, God…”

“Haley I’m so sorry.” You swallow some tears. “I’m so sorry, but she was killed in the bombing.”

You hear a shaky breath on the other side of the line. “Oh.” There’s a pause, and you suspect she has more to say. You’re right. “Aaron told you to call, didn’t he?”

“Yes.”

She sighs. “Can I talk to him?”

You look over and he nods, releasing your hand and holding it out for the phone. “Yeah, he’s right here.” She says something else, and you put the phone back to your ear. “Sorry, what was that?”

“I just wanted to thank you. Thank you for telling me.”

You nod to yourself. “Of course. Here’s Aaron.”

He takes the phone from you. An exhausted, “Hi,” leaves him.

“Oh my God, I’m so glad you’re alright.”

A little smile pulls at his lips. “I’m alright. How’re you?”

Her bright laugh echoes faintly through the phone, but there’s a solemn edge to it. “You’re asking me how I am?”

His eyebrows rise, his eyes still closed. “Isn’t that polite?”

You can almost see her suppressed smile. “It is. I’m fine. Jessica and I just finished dinner and put Jack down for the night.”

“How’s Jack?”

You tune out, the exhaustion taking over. Aaron pats the seat on his other side and you shuffle around, tucking yourself under his open arm. Leaning against his shoulder, you close your eyes, letting the voices of two divorced people who love each other very much lull you into something that feels a little like sleep.

+++

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g0ldengubler · 3 years

Text

chapter 9 ~ ...and the after party

A/N: i’m baaaaaccckkkk! i hope u guys enjoy this chapter and expect 10 coming soon! also thank you guys for almost 600 followers! that’s insane i love u guys🥺🥺 get ready for the one shot coming right after this ;) (also i will fix this so it has the keep reading part sometime this week i’m on my phone lol)

Category: smut (NSFW18+)

CW: use of cannabis, hangover, lots of smut at the end.

Word Count: 2598

✨masterlist✨

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You were awoken by the feeling of arms wrapping around you as the pounding in your head grew. Taking Spencer's hand, you covered your eyes thinking it would calm it down a bit as you thought back to last night. You couldn't remember much, but you did remember feeling happy and content, being surrounded by people you could actually call family and not feel the need the hold back anything about you. You remember feeling free, whether that was the alcohol talking or not. You've only known Spencer and the team for only a short time, and through that, you've gotten to know Spencer at, what felt like, a deeper level. That was something you never really could do or feel, growing up - to feel like you belonged.

Carefully moving his hand back to where it was before, you let your eyes flutter open as the pounding got worse. You looked around the room to see that you and Spencer had taken the couch and you were the first one awake. You saw Emily and Jj passed out on the floor, their heads on pillows and blankets wrapped around them. You figured that Garcia and Morgan were asleep in her room, as the two couldn't take their hands off each other last night, and Hotch had passed out on the recliner, his snoring being the loudest of them all which didn't surprise you until you realized you got wasted with your boss. You chuckle softly to yourself, knowing that this would be one hell of a story to tell in the future, hell maybe even tell Seth when you got back.

You felt the body next to you shift and looked to your right, seeing a sleepy Dr.Reid rubbing the sand out of his eyes. As he shifted the weight of his body onto his elbow, he smiled when he saw you before putting a hand on his head.

"How much did I drink last night?" He asked.

"Good morning to you, too." You said before leaning over and kissing his forehead.

Spencer wraps his arm around you and pulls you in closer. As the two of you talked about what you remembered, everyone started to wake up one by one, joining in on the conversation. Garcia came in before Morgan woke up and made everyone tea and gave each one of you some advil for the headaches.

"Where did Rossi go?" asked Jj.

"Rossi already had an Uber ready to pick him up from the bar," said Hotch, "I just checked my phone and he had texted me when he got home."

"Anyone up for food?" asked Emily, "I'm starving!"

"Anyone have any plans today?" asked Garcia.

Everyone shook their heads. "I haven't even thought that far since we got back from Michigan." you said.

''Good! Because I already had something in mind."

"You always do, baby girl." jokes Morgan, which made everyone chuckle to themselves.

She looks around the room as an evil grin grew on her face. All but Morgan were confused. "Ok, no," he says, "I don't think anyone would want to do that, especially Hotch."

"What wouldn't I want to do?" asked Hotch, looking even more confused than before.

Morgan sighs before speaking, as if he didn't want to say this in front of him. "Garcia has been wanting everyone over for a "proper smoke sesh", not like the last time. She's been like this ever since she got these new hemp blunt wraps."

"They're healthier than normal ones," she said, looking a little annoyed with Morgan, "they're better than getting leftover tobacco and nicotine in your system."

Hotch sat there for a moment, sipping on his tea while thinking about it. He put his thumb under his chin and his index finger on top, going through the scenarios and the pros and cons. "I mean," he spoke, "Jessica still has Jack over at Hershey Park from their weekend vacation, and I wouldn't have to be back until tomorrow...."

"...So is that a yes?" asked Emily.

There a was a pause for a moment, and in that moment you could feel the unnecessary tension in the room.

"...yeah I'll stay for tonight," he confesses, "but we do NOT talk about this with anyone else. I haven't smoked weed since college."

"Didn't you go to law school, though?" asked Spencer.

"How do you think we got through law school?"

Everyone cheered jokingly and laughed at the fact that their boss was getting high with them. Never did you think that within the beginning of your time with the BAU, you came at a time where the whole team was given their first uninterrupted, paid vacation that desperately needed, and was able to find love and do things you didn't think they'd do. You knew this night was going to be even more interesting than last night.

____

Something about getting high with others made you feel it more than usual. Could've been because it's more fun with more people, but that train of thought faded into the fog of your brain as your attention shifted to the cards in front of you. That night, Garcia had rolled the blunt and everyone passed it around until it was a roach, Hotch having a coughing fit at one point, but she had made her way to her room after and had the box of Cards Against Humanity in one hand and a bong and grinder in her other. Spencer cracked up the most out of all of you when Hotch had his coughing fit, you couldn't tell what was funnier.

As Changes by David Bowie played in the background, you were enjoying your own little version of the game. Whoever lost the round had to take a bong rip, and boy was Hotch having a rough night as he couldn't seem to get a win.

It came to the final round, and you and Spencer were tied on 9 black cards. The black card was, 'When I was tripping on acid, ____ turned into ____', and it was Jj's turn to pick. She luckily narrowed it down to two cards, one of them being yours. As she read them allowed, you noticed that she laughed at yours a little more than the other one. She ended up choosing yours and you cheered that you won the game, deciding that you wanted to take a victory rip. As you exhaled without choking, you caught Spencer out of the corner of your eye rolling his, which you pretended to ignore.

You lay back on the couch afterward and snuggled into Spencer as he wrapped an arm around you. Everyone talked amongst themselves, eating the snacks that were placed out on the coffee table. You felt Spencer lean in as he whispered, "That's not how you were last time," he said "you were completely gagging."

"Are you just jealous that you choked when you took a bong rip?" You teased. You knew where this was going, but you hoped that he had a plan and where to go.

Spencer looks around the room before leaning back to your ear. "Where it all started," he said, "follow 5 minutes after me and if anyone asks you're going to the bathroom, clear angel?"

You simply nod as you watch him get up. You pretend to look at your phone, keeping your head down, but you would look up a little bit to watch him stumble his way. After five minutes you get up and head to Garcia's room, where you see Spencer spread out on the bed looking up at the stars, just like that night.

"Well well well," You said after shutting the door, "someone looks spaced out." You sit next to him on the bed, where he sits up on his shoulder.

Spencer pushes a strand of hair out of your face smiling. "Nice one," he says, "but I'm going to be honest, I think we should skip all the foreplay."

He pushes you down on the bed as he gets on top of you. You felt the air leave your body as his lips went straight for your neck, devouring the blank space. "I need you so bad, y/n," Spencer says breathless, "it was hard hiding myself after in front of everyone as you took those rips. I couldn't stop thinking about pounding you."

"Well get to it then, daddy." You said as innocently as you could, palming him through his pants.

That was the push he needed. He quickly ripped off your jeans with your panties going with as you ripped him out of his. You saw his cock hit his stomach and you couldn't hold in your moan. Spencer quickly covered your mouth shushing you. "I know they have Bowie going on repeat, but I don't think it'll cover our beautiful voices, however. Can you be a good girl and try to be quieter?"

Muffled, you say yes. Spencer moves you up higher on the bed so your head could rest on the pillows. He doesn't even tease your entrance as he pushes all the way into you. Your jaw hits the mattress as you let out a silent scream. He wouldn't even let you adjust as he quickly moves inside you.

"Fuck daddy it feels so good!" You moan out.

"You're so fucking tight, angel...And so wet-fuck...You like being fucked like a slut, hm? You like getting pounded into the mattress like this?"

"Yes yes yes yessss!"

He leans down and lifts your shirt up, showing that you weren't wearing a bra as your tits glow in the moonlight. He tsks at no bra before letting it slide and attaches his mouth to your right nipple. Your fingers tangle in his hair as he flicks your nipple with his tongue, intoxicated by the amount of pleasure you were feeling.

Shortly after, you felt the pressure in your lower stomach start to drop and you tighten your grip around his cock and he lets out groan.

"You getting close, angel?" He asks.

"Please let me cum daddy, please please please!" You beg.

He grabs the headboard with his left as he used his right for support, pounding you even harder and harder. Your grip on him tighten even more, making him tilt his head back at the friction.

"Cum for me angel, be a good girl and cum so hard all over my cock."

You throw a pillow over your face in fear of the other's finding out. You felt like you were screaming at the top of your lungs as he helped ride out your orgasm, but he didn't stop. He kept going at it, railing you to the mattress. You could feel yourself getting more and more sensitive as he kept going at it. You looked up to see him still holding onto the headboard as he throws his head back in pleasure. It was so hot to you that you felt yourself getting close again.

"Ca-I can't...take it daddy!" You whimper out.

Spencer looks down at you and gives you an evil grin as he chuckled to himself. "You can...and you will." He shuts his eyes tight and almost lets his jaw fall open as he felt you grip tightly to his cock again before saying, " I'm so close angel. You want me to cum in you?"

"Yes daddy pleeeasssee fill me up with all your cum!" You moan.

With a few more hard thrusts, they started to get sloppy as you felt him coat your walls and heard him moan and groan in your ear, cursing under his breath. Spencer falls on top of you as he finishes, trying to catch his breath. He falls to the side of you and watches his cum pool out of you.

Spencer's POV~

"You did so good, y/n," I say breathlessly, leaning down and showering her body in kisses. She immediately snuggled herself into my body, forcing me to wrap an arm around her. I think she knew the sex was great, and she told me she loved getting fucked like that, but I could tell she was falling as the vulnerability was starting to peak through.

"Hey," I say as I pepper her cheek in kisses, "You were such a good girl. Do you want me to get you anything? Water? Your pen?"

"Can you clean me up for now," She asks in a small voice, "I'm ok. Just let me try to stand first."

As she goes up to stand, she falls right back down to the bed. I tried to holding in my laughter as she kept trying before stopping her. "It's ok, let me go get something to clean you up and then we'll go back out there, ok?"

"Thank you Spence." She says, trying to hold back tears of embarrassment. I reach over and wipe a tear away from her face.

As I shut the door behind me to get a wipe from the bathroom, I noticed that everything was quiet. Too quiet. Not being able to find wipes in the bathroom, I slowly but casually (or as casually as I could act) walked to the kitchen. I couldn't even make it there as I froze where I stood in the living room, eyes darting on me with a few small grins poking out. I look at his team, as they look right back at me. It was Hotch who finally broke the tension in the air and started cracking up. No words, just laughter. Soon everyone else joined in, myself only giving small giggles and chuckles.

"You heard?"

"You're full of surprises, kid!" said Emily.

"That was you in there?" Morgan asked jokingly, "You. Pretty Rickey. You were saying all of that shit....Why do I feel like I need to learn from you now?"

That made Hotch laugh even more as he burst into another fit. Everyone looked over to him, some confused, some worried.

"Is he ok?" I asked.

Jj pats the top of his head and shook hers. "He'll be fine, he's gonna pass out any minute now."

"Where's y/n? Is she ok?" asked Garcia.

"Yeah she umm..." I was trying to think of the words to use but finally I just came out and said, "...Do you umm..have any wipes, Garcia? She's ok, she just uhh...can't get up without falling back on the bed."

As I gave my classic white, awkward smile, Garcia shook her head and told me she would take care of her. She grabs an ice pack from her freezer and then went over to her purse and grab a packet of baby wipes. She walks over to the hallway before stoping in front of me, making me nervous.

"Did you really have to have rough sex on my bed?"

"I mean, you and Morgan proba-"

"Never mind, just don't talk about it again."

She walks off pass me hurrying to y/n's aid. I look over to Morgan and he just chucked, motioning me to come sit next to him. I walk over and sit down, Morgan handing me the joint they were passing around. Hotch had finally passed out like Jj had said, and Emily put the music back on. I knew there were a lot of questions I wanted to ask, but I decided to save them for tomorrow as I continued to enjoy the night, waiting for y/n to come back out so I could hold her close and give her all my love after ruining her like that.

#spencer reid #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fanfiction #mgg #matthew gray gubler #criminal minds #criminal minds smut #criminal minds fanfiction

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itsthestutterforme · 3 years

Text

You're Not My Family (Aaron Hotchner)

Y/N and Hotch are seeing each other and she comforted him when Hotch was in the hospital after Foyet attacked him in his apartment. Morgan and JJ were locating his family and Hotch was on edge. He snaps at Y/N and that cut her deep. Hotch tries to apologize but she doesn't forgive him.

Characters: Aaron Hotchner, Emily Prentiss, Derek Morgan, David Rossi

Emily told me that Aaron wasn't in his house but there was blood and signs of a struggle. His phone was in the house so there was no way to contact him. It wasn't until she found Morgan's credentials that she connected the Reaper to this. My heart races at the thought of Hotch being dead. The Reaper wanted him from the start.

I walk to the bathroom of the BAU and lock the door. I squat down and rest my face in my hands as tears forms in my eyes. A few moments later, I hear my phone ring. I take a few deep breaths and clear my throat before answering. "Y/L/N," "Hello, this is Nurse Harper from Mary Washington Hospital. You are put down as an emergency contact for Aaron Hotchner?"

"Hi! Yes, um, is he.. is he alright?" "He has multiple lacerations and deep cuts from a knife of larger size. But luckily, none of them nicked any vital organs," "Oh thank God," I say, sighing in relief. "I'm on my way," I add. "Alright, see you soon." I hang up and rush out of the bathroom and take the elevator down to my car. I hop in my car and drive to Mary Washington Hospital.

On the way there, I called Emily and informed her where Hotch was. We arrive at the hospital at the same time and wait for Hotch to wake up. "You want something to drink?" Emily asks me as she sees my leg bouncing nervously.

"Yeah, that'll be great. Thanks." I say. She places a hand on my leg and says, "He's going to be fine." She walks down to the cafeteria when I hear the nurse say, "Mr. Hotchner is awake now,"

I rise from the chair and follow her to the room. His hair was disheveled and his face was starting to bruise. "Hey," I say. "Hi," he says, trying to get up. "Uh-uh, you stay right there and don't move a muscle."

I text Emily that Hotch was awake. "Did you figure out how he got in?" "Emily was in the apartment, I was helping the rest of the team with a case."

"How are you feeling?" I add as I hold the side of his face. He leans into it and kisses my palm. "Better now you're here," he says, making me smile. Emily rushes in and says, "Thank God you're okay." My phone rings and I see that it's Reid. I step outside to answer.

"Hey, how's Hotch?" "He's ready to leave but you know I'm not letting that happen," I say, making Reid chuckle through the phone.

"How's the case coming along? You need my help?" "There's a lot of patients that me and the doctor need to go through to determine which is connected to the unsubs." "Say no more, send me the address." I say before hanging up. "Reid needs some help with the case. I have to go." "I understand,"

I give Hotch a peck on the lips and look to Emily. "I give you full right to trip him if he tries to leave that bed." "Got it," she says as I leave the room.

The case was finished and I was just finished bringing Reid out of the hospital from the injury to his leg. I drive us to Mary Washington Hospital and I help Reid get out with his crutches.

We take the elevator to the floor Hotch was on and immediately felt like something was wrong. Haley was holding Jack on her hips with tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Haley, hey, are you alright? What's wrong?" "We have to go under protective custody and we're leaving right now." She walks passed me without another word. I walk into the room and nearly walk into Emily.

"How long do you think they'll be in protective custody?" I ask. "Until we catch Foyet," "We don't know how to long that will be. The only way we can track is if--"

"He knows. And he's pretty torn up about it. He needs your support right now." Emily stated. I walk into the room and could instantly feel the tension. Hotch looks outside the window like he's trying to hold back his tears. "Hotch," I say.

He shakes his head and I make my way over to him. "I would like to be alone please," "Come on, Hotch. Right now isn't a time to-" "I said leave! You're not my family, you don't understand the pain I'm going through right now."

I wince at the sound of his voice raising. Having no idea what to do, my mind drifts off to the most painful memories of the foster home. "You don't deserve love. Your own parents didn't want you," the voice of one of my foster father's echoes in my mind.

"Y/N.. Y/N I'm sorry, I-" I walk out of the room and take my phone to set my phone in silence. "Y/N!" he calls after me but I continued to walk. "What happened?" Rossi asks. "Ask him," I say before rushing out of the hospital.

I drive home and turn off the engine. I decided to stay in the car for a moment, but the silence only allowed me to think back to the foster care moments.

I softly cry to myself as I lean my head against the steering wheel. "Why doesn't no one want me?" I whimper. Am I really that bad? My lungs ache from the lack of oxygen as more tears stream down my face. I grab my phone and purse before leaving the car.

I unlock my door and my Corgi greets me at the door. I let her out in our fenced backyard and sigh deeply. "Just when I thought I moved on from this." I look down at my phone to see five missed calls from Aaron. I roll my eyes and toss the phone on the couch. I walk up the stairs and run myself a bath.

Third Person POV

Things have been tense amongst the team, primarily because they know what's going on between Y/N and Hotch. "You and him are destined for each other. If anyone can get through to him, you can." Rossi says to Y/N as they converse about what happened last week.

"The one that has a better chance at that is you. He trusts you a lot more than he does me." Y/N explains. "Well I did train him to be the agent that he is today," "No it's more than that, Rossi."

"What did he say to you to make you completely disassociate yourself from him?" he asked and Y/N met his gaze without saying anything. "Y/N, can I talk to you in my office?" Hotch says as he walked passed the group.

"Well this will be fun," Y/N says before following him into his office. "Would you mind closing the door?" Y/N reluctantly comply and looked at him as she crossed her arms.

"You haven't been answering my calls," he folds his hands together. "We weren't working on a case." Hotch stands from his chair and walks to the front of his desk and leans against it. "I know that I hurt you, and I'm sorry." "Are we done here?" Y/N asks.

"Come on, Y/N, just talk to me. We have to be able to communicate with one another." "Oh you communicated your thoughts clearly," Y/N says sarcastically.

"And I have nothing to say," she adds before opening the door. "'You aren't my family'. That's what I said to you. Now I'm assuming that those trigger the past trauma you had in the foster system. Correct?" Y/N turns back around but kept the door open.

"Yes, Hotch. And you opened the can of worms I tried so hard to keep closed. So now I have to fix it by myself as usual," "Y/N--" "You may be a profiler, Hotch. But there are some things that you'll never understand. Like wondering why my birth parents didn't want me, wondering if I'll find a home or a family that loves me."

"I do love you, Y/N. I just made a mistake." "I'll do everything in my power to make sure you find your family, Hotch. Promise." "You're not going to give me another chance are you?"

Without another word, she walks out of the room and take her messenger bag before leaving the compound. For the past week, Hotch has been experiencing nightmares about Foyet finding his family and killing them.

It ends the same way and he would always scream himself awake. He was tired of sleeping alone so he packed a bag and drove to Y/N's house.

He knows that she hates him right now but he also knows that deep down, she still cares about him. He pulled up into her driveway and knocked at her door. Y/N was in deep sleep but her dog barking incessantly dragged her out of it.

She put on her slippers made her way downstairs. She cracked the door to see Hotch and a bag on the floor. "Hotch, what are you doing here?" She asks as she pulled her robe closer to her. The temperature drop in the fall is no joke, it practically feels like winter.

" I didn't know where else to go,". Her Corgi, Summer, squeezed out of the door and scratched at his pants. Summer loved Hotch since the first time they met. Hotch picks her up and she licks his face.

"What do you mean?" "I've.. been having nightmares and I didn't want to be alone," he explains. "You were better off heading to Emily's." "I don't want Emily, I want you. You're my family, Y/N. I was stupid to-"

"Aaron, just stop. This is over. We're over." "You shouldn't have came here. Go home, Hotch." she adds as she takes Summer from him. Summer whined and Y/N closes the door slowly.

Y/N rested her head against the door for a moment before heading back upstairs. Hotch turns around and slid his back down the door. He sits on her porch and rested his arms on the knees. She lays in bed and stares at the ceiling in tears.

Why can't he just leave me alone? She thinks to herself. Her eyes were heavy and about to close when she heard Summer whining.

"Huh? Oh come on, Summer." That's when Y/N realized, she didn't hear Hotch back out of the driveway. She grabbed her alarm clock to see that it was nearly two hours since he stopped by.

She rushes down the stairs and opens the door. Hotch falls in from fatigue and tiredness. His skin was cold as ice when Y/N touched it.

"Dear God, Hotch, I thought you went home," she scowls as she drags him inside. "Summer, bring the bag in please." She grabbed the handle and dragged the bag inside. "Good girl," Y/N states. I close the door and lean Hotch against the wall. "Y/N?" He says weakly. "Hotch, honey, I need to help me get you to your feet okay?"

"I'm tired," "I know, just please." She attempted to lift him up by the arms. She braced herself to do what she learned in combat training. She squats down and pull his torso closer to her. She hunched her back and grab his arm to slide his body on her back. She groans in pain under his weight and take slow steps towards the couch with him on her back.

She drops him on the couch and immediately started to layer him up with with blankets. His skin looked light blue and his veins are popping out. "Jesus, Hotch. I am so sorry." She runs over to her thermostat and turned up the heat.

She opened the cabinet in the bathroom and grab the thermometer. She checks his temperature and pulls out the thermometerwhen it beeps. It reads 95.2, definitely in the colder side but not hypothermic.

"Y/N," he says weakly. "Don't talk. Save your strength. I'm making you some hot cocoa," she says from the kitchen. The water just finished warming up in the microwave and she dumps the chocolate powder into the cup. She stirs the mixture before giving it to him. She sets the cup down and sit down on the couch.

Y/N hands him the cup and said, "Drink this." Hotch gently takes the cup away from her and sips at the hot chocolate. He sighs in relief and she adds, "What the hell is wrong with you? Why would you stay out in the cold like that?" He sets down the cup and turned to look at me. "I couldn't let you go,"

"Hotch," "No, let me do the talking. I messed up big time and that nearly sacrificed someone I really care about. Haley and Jack are my family, yes. But you're my future." "There's no one else I vision myself, I--"

He trails of when I hold the sides of his face. "You're crazy, you know that?" He leans forward and presses a kiss on my lips. "Crazy for you," "Ew, stop, that was so corny," he chuckles before pressing another kiss on my lips. "I truly am sorry, Y/N," he says locking his eyes with hers. "I know, honey," she say, resting her forehead against his.

#aaron hotchner #aaron hotch x reader #criminal minds

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buckleysjareau · 4 years

Text

masterpost of all of my fics

!hey hey, here’s mostly everything i’ve ever written for 9-1-1 and Criminal Minds. Reblog if you like any of them, and always come back to check and see if it’s updated. It’ll always be pinned. :) Everything under the read more line!

AO3: 9-1-1

Buck Goes To Pride (buddie, getting together)

Thinking back to that cold winter afternoon when Buck broke down in her arms after the shit show that was his coming out, she never thought she'd be helping her brother get ready for Pride. He shut that part of himself away for a long time. But eleven years later, she's handing her brother a box with a pride flag in it, and he's grinning from ear to ear.

Buck goes to his first pride featuring his journey of coming out, lots of hugging, and Hen being the best.

...or you could have mine? (buddie, pre-relatioship)

There's too much going on between his agitation, people talking over each other, the way his uniform feels more scratchy than it ever has, and the bright lights. He can't sit still and he knows he's starting to annoy everyone but he can't help it no matter how much he wishes he could with his medication.

ADHD Buck

agree to disagree (buddie, getting together, friendship)

Whoever thought a night of heavy drinking between Buck, Eddie and Chimney was a good idea, were out of their minds. When sober, they were idiots but shot after shot of tequila plus the couple of beers they each had before meeting up multiplied the absolute stupidity of the three men.

Buck, Eddie, and Chimney get wasted and Athena wins a bet.

i put a spell on you (buddie, getting together)

Eddie Diaz absolutely loved Halloween. Ever since he was an excitable eight year old boy he’d been known to go all out for the holiday. Twenty-four years and a son had not changed that.

4k+ words of Eddie being happy, scaring his friends, and loving Halloween.

baby you know i just wanna leave tonight (buddie, pre-relationship)

If there was one thing that people knew about Evan Buckley, it was that he didn’t want people to know him.

People find out more about Buck then he ever wanted them to know when the Buckley’s come to town.

i woke up from a never ending dream (buddie, getting together)

Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock.

Sensing the urgency, Eddie jogs the rest of the way. He doesn’t know what he’s really expecting, his mind not entirely focused, but for the second time that night, Buck surprises him.

“Buck?!”

Where Buck is going through it and Eddie has anxiety but they help each other through it. Featuring pet names and lovesick Eddie.

you feel like the sun on my face (buddie, established relationship)

Buck has a way of doing things and saying things that even in Eddie’s worst moods, he still can’t fight his smile.

Eddie's view on Buck's Wikipedia spirals and the beginning of the brilliant idea it inspires.

Part 1 of 3 in the ‘cause of i’m not too far and you’re my favorite place series

you feel like the perfect escape now (buddie, established relationship)

"In the symbolic language of jewels, a sapphire in a wedding ring means marital happiness."

Eddie planning his proposal with the help of Hen and Karen. Featuring good ol' Buck and Chimney banter, soft and in love boyfriends, and tooth rotting fluff.

Part 2 of 3 in the ‘cause i’m not too far and you’re my favorite place series

everything is blue (may + buck friendship, buddie, getting together)

When Evan Buckley is ten, he discovers nail polish.

In which Buck paints his nails, Eddie is flustered, and May is a matchmaker.

it weighs on me (buddie, established relationship)

The bad weather is gone, except it’s not.

In which Buck has a bad day and Eddie holds him through it.

101.9 (buddie, getting together)

Evan Buckley did not get sick.

Based on a tumblr prompt where Buck’s fever won’t fuck off so Eddie makes him take a cold bath.

when i’m walking in my sleep (buddie, getting together)

He finds that maybe he’s a little in over his head when Buck greets him with a loopy smile. He’s just a tiny bit in love with Evan Buckley, and having dealt with post-surgery Buck before, Eddie is sure his heart might burst with every zany grin and stage-whispered expression of appreciation.

Eddie takes care of a loopy Buck after he gets his screws removed, and truths come out.

you’re in my heart (buddie, established relationship)

"I will not be broken... I will not be... fine, fine, you win! Stop with the face."

Eddie sings Buck to sleep after he finds out Eddie can sing.

we’ll be fine, you and i (buddie, established relationship)

He couldn’t believe his luck. He never imagined he’d be able to have this and now, he’s here. He has everything he could ask for and more in his boyfriend’s arms. Stability, happiness, love.

dizzy hurricane (buddie, pre-relationship)

“I’m a medic,” Buck mocks. “You’re a medic, but you can’t take care of yourself, apparently!”

Eddie refuses to admit he’s sick and finds his medic expertise is unreliable when it comes to himself.

tongue forgot the words and feet forgot the earth, it’s true (buddie, established relationship)

Eddie feels like he’s drowning in insurance payments, tuition raises, overbearing parents and anxiety. Things had definitely been worse on him when he didn’t have a whole new support system on his side but things just kept piling on, one after another, it was impossible for him not to feel suffocated. Every muscle in his body was sore from being completely tensed all of the time, the lack of sleep was getting to him, he’s in a foul mood to everyone that loves him. He just wants a break, needs a break.

Eddie finally gets a second to breathe.

you are my glitter and my gloom, i am so numb without you (buddie, getting together)

But right now, with Eddie by his side, he doesn’t worry. For the first time in almost a year, he doesn’t have to worry.

Buck has a flashback, or six, after the landslide. Eddie is there to bring him back, like always.

double vision wrapped in last night’s party clothes (buck centric, pre-relationship buddie)

"I have always been honest with you." When Eddie's voice cracks, Buck's composure almost cracks with it. "Why can't you just be honest with me?"

When Buck is let in on a long kept family secret, he doesn't know what to do. He almost ruins things with the one person that keeps him from feeling like he's floating away with no way to land, but it ultimately turns out okay with help of a little communication.

safe, better keep that thought to yourself (madney)

But days after, he still can’t stop hearing it in his head, over and over.

I love you, Howie. I love you, Howie. I love you, Howie. I love you, Howie.

with friends like ours anywhere is home (buck & tk, background buddie)

[@evanbuckley: you have two new follow requests.] @marjanmarwani would like to follow you. @tkstrand would like to follow you.

@tkstrand liked your photo. @tkstrand liked your photo. @tkstrand liked your video.

@tkstrand So, I see you have a boyfriend, too. I’m sorry for assuming haha

Wait, what?

Buck and TK’s long distance friendship featuring love advice, horrible nicknames and background Buddie.

wish i could keep you in amber, safe from the outside (buddie)

Neither of them say anything as Eddie takes shelter in Buck’s arms, face tucked in the crook of his neck, sheltered from all the bad that’s happened. A safe place.

He can only hope that he’s Buck’s safe place, too.

In which Eddie and Buck are struggling after the shooting and they finally have a much needed talk.

AO3: Criminal Minds

you light my fire (jemily, AU)

Emily's face stays complacent as JJ reaches out her hand to shake, only dropping the smug act and smiling genuinely when she reaches for JJ's hand. "Welcome to the team, Pennsylvania Petite."

Jemily Firefighter AU

Tumblr: 9-1-1

“i saw this and i thought of you immediately.” (buddie)

keep you warm (henren)

wheels up, buck (9-1-1, criminal minds crossover)

stand, you’re gonna run again (buck centric, buck & bobby)

bows and ribbons and glitter (buck & chimney, madney)

“i believe that would be murder” (buddie, pre-relationship)

mac-and-cheesy (buddie, established relationship)

his saving grace (buddie, pre-relationship, buck centric)

what i love about the south (pre-relationship buddie)

unconditional, unadulterated (buddie, getting together)

home isn’t a place, it’s a feeling (buck & athena)

he’s special, they’re special (madney, meet-cute)

Tumblr: Criminal Minds

rough nights end in hot chocolate (garvez)

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alovevigilante · 3 years

Text

You ever go back to something in hopes that situation will have changed overtime even though it may not have changed inside you, and the shit hasn’t changed one iota, cause you haven’t? No? If not, you’re lucky. I just went searching illustrations on the internet, and it was great for awhile… but yes, inevitably I ran into some triggers that sent me years back into another miserable thought dimension. Rats… to feed the cat in me.

It’s time I made peace with this energy. It’s not a person, or people, or even past events or experiences that are affecting me. It’s how I felt and now currently feel, about myself, reliving those things. I end up choosing to review and revisit it all over again within myself. I’ll be sitting, half watching a movie like I always do, and the movie in my mind starts up, all the crap, and it’s much scarier than this bear trying to maul this red headed girl in this Disney animation, or not, I don’t know wth to be honest with you, cause once again, I’m only half watching… oh… the bear is her mom… never mind. (Say it like Gilda Radner’s Emily litella character on the old Saturday night live)

I think they may be from Scotland and to be completely honest, I don’t know exactly what they’re saying… in their defense, I am only half listening, and I can’t hear so well after years of ear neglect from blasting my music with my Walkman, and boom box, and blowing my speakers in my family’s cars and sound system in their houses, and in my car, and my sound system, and singing with bands didn’t help the little hairs in my ears meant to protect the ear drum, which my pal in my head John Bonham used to beat on regularly, and loudly too. OR my hearing loss could also be due to a basic, general disinterest in conversations or situations or occurrences depending on the topic, so, it’s probably not their fault.

There. I feel better now. Talking it out, helps. Man, I love music. I’m too old to go to a general admission concert, because this mama’s culo needs an assigned seat of its very own, and I’m not about to fight for a spot up front anymore, but I’m not beyond sneaking stealthy up front if there’s no one around who gives a hoot, cause I’m height challenged, and inevitably some very, very tall people like to stand in front of me, because I’m the size of an ant compared to them, and then I can’t see, cause they make a better opaque form than a transparent one, but also if I can break through the barrier of the wall of bodies and if I can befriend one of the bodyguard/bouncers that know damn well I didn’t pay no $4,700 for front row anything, I just like to look up the band’s schnozzes for awhile til I get bored of standing. Then I create ruckus in the stands with the people who may or may not be inebriated, or just balls out crazy.

One time a guy and I did high kicks together at a Poison concert. Well, I did them towards him, and he was facing the stage. I decided to make it a contest. Truth be told, I’m not sure he knew I was there in front of him challenging him, like that old man kept saying when he wanted mr. Huxtable to have a dance off with him in the Cosby show. That old guy threw down some sand in a box, and he was like, “challlll-onge!!!” He wanted to challenge him, but that’s how he said it, and incidentally, that’s how I always say it now too, so credit to that old guy, cause he was cool. But Heathcliff didn’t know how to tap like that old guy, but man, did he try.

Anyhoo, I was like that to the high kicker at the Poison concert, but he was way too interested in starring at Bret, and all his Michaels, they are the lead singer of the heavy metal band Poison, and high kicking to celebrate them all, Bret, and his Michaels and his vocals, and his Michael’s vocals, and to celebrate the band in general, to give a crap about me, let alone my dance challenge. I was really sore for awhile after that, not because the man high kicking basically ignored me, cause I was more than cool with that, but because I was high kicking for upwards of 20 minutes straight, and that sure can put a damper on your muscles the next day. But I recovered. (I’m pretty sure I already told myself this story online….) Ahhhhhh regardless, good times…

(Bret with all his Michaels)

Well, laughing always helps me smile, and writing does too. When I write, I can go anywhere and do anything, and I’m in control. I’m so glad I did. There are some things about my past I do miss… like having pals, and socializing. Much like a cat, which I started off like, I’ve become anti social, and pretty self sufficient due to past memories of hurt, and cryogenically freezing others in the times of those past hurts. I basically went into Willy wonka lock down and seclusion in my home over the past few years because of it all, and COVID didn’t help. I’m not exactly privy to how others feel about me, cause I’m not them, but I’ve felt like I’m viewed and judged, by some, but not all family, former peers, and the community at large in not always the best light. But I’m slowly choosing to put all of my judgement of myself, and others, and what I don’t know about cause who gives a rip in the long run cause it’s all just thoughts, down now, and become more of myself, as that’s a lot more…. well, like the me, that I want to be. ☺️💌

(the above pic isn’t me. He calls himself Dee snider, but it’s not. It’s D. Schneider, like the Schneider on the 70s show “one day at a time” with the adorable Valerie bertinelli, which means, “Bert intelligent” according to my autocorrect, so Frank Oz and Bert from Sesame Street will be happy to note the support, and the very cool and equally adorable mackenzie phillips…. Head… Screwdriver. I kid, Mackenzie. I finish people’s last names if they leave us hanging. So no offense meant. 💕🥸🙈🤷‍♀️☺️✌️🙌💕💕💕😉)

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vampiregirl1797 · 4 years

Text

When You Need a Shoulder to Sleep On

Spencer Reid x Wife Reader

GIF Not Mine

Summary: When you return back to work as a profiler with the BAU after being gone for maternity leave, the job is harder than it used to be, being as you’re functioning on little to no sleep and no caffeine. Lucky for you, you have your wonderful husband, Spencer, and your family at the BAU to support you.

Word Count: 2,642

Click Here For Masterlist

It had been fourteen months since I’d had a cup of coffee. While I’d been pregnant, ironically enough I hadn’t noticed the absence of the heavenly hot beverage. But now I was returning to work and functioning on less than three hours sleep? Yeah, I was exhausted. Spencer, my wonderful, loving husband and doting father, bless his soul, had even less sleep. He tended to sleep light anyway, and since the baby had arrived he’s been a little... protective. So it was routine for us both to attend to little baby Gideon Derek together, as neither of us were able to think about sleep until we knew the baby was back down.

The difference of course was that I was functioning with no caffeinated stimulants to keep my brain working, while Spencer was on his third cup of heavenly goodness since we’d arrived at the Bureau. Which of course meant that I was barely functioning at all.

‘Denise Hernandez was found murdered in her apartment a week ago. She was discovered by her landlord three days later when he went to check on her, after another tenant had voiced their concern.’ Garcia said, the beeping of her pressing the buttons on her beepy echoing throughout the room, ‘there were no signs of sexual assault and the body was in her bed and she was tucked in underneath her own duvet.’

I blinked, trying to force some energy into my body as I flipped open the file in front of me, detailing the murder Garcia was narrating.

‘The unsub wrapped her in plastic underneath the covers to prevent her blood from sleeping through the fabric.’ I voiced aloud as I read it in the report, ‘that indicates that the way he leaves her behind is important to him.’

‘That’s true, before the covers were removed she looks asleep.’ Rossi agreed, flicking through the photographs in his own file.

‘If that’s the case it’s interesting he doesn’t chose a less gruesome method of murder. If the charade of the victim appearing asleep is so important to him, why go through the trouble of stabbing her twelve times?’ Tara added, taking a sip of her coffee after she spoke.

I tried not to stare too longingly at the mug, despite knowing that a cup would jolt the energy back into my system.

‘If she didn’t live alone I’d suggest it’s done by way of giving him more time before the murder is discovered. It would be a while before anyone realized she was asleep.’ I said, looking over to the enhanced crime scene photos on the screen. There was something bothering me about the whole picture, I just couldn’t put my finger on it.

‘But since she did live alone it’s more likely that the manner he’s displayed her, as well as the method he’s employed, are both important to him.’ Spencer said, his lips pursed in thought as his eyes quickly moved over the pages in his hand.

The amount of information his beautiful brain could take in, in such little time, still blew me away after all these years. I’d never get tired of his incredible mind, whether it be the facts he knew and eagerly shared, or the way he excitedly took in new information. He was amazing and so sexy.

‘Have there been any other victims?’ Derek asked, his eyes moving from the file in front of him to the colorfully dressed blonde.

‘Yes. Danielle Richmond was discovered in her apartment this morning. She lives alone and according to the M.E. She died yesterday, she was discovered quicker than the last victim as she had plans with a friend who called the cops when she didn’t show up or answer her phone.’ She clicked her beeper three more times, bringing up a picture of Danielle and a few pictures from the crime scene.

‘They look like they could be twins.’ I noted, both had brown eyes, olive complexions, long brown hair and a slender figure, ‘seems like he has a very specific type in terms of victimology. Either he’s working up to killing someone specific in his life that looks like these women, or someone who looks like her has died and triggered these killings.’

‘Those are both things we should keep in mind.’ Prentiss nodded, closing her file, ‘wheels up in ten.’

‘There’s something out of place here.’ I murmured, taking a step back with my arms crossed over my chest

‘What is it?’ Morgan asked, standing next to me and taking in the room as well.

‘I’m not sure...’ I trailed off, my gaze landing on the book next to Danielle’s bed. I walked over and picked it up, reading the title aloud, ‘A book of fairytales. That’s what’s out of place.’

I pulled out my phone and dialed JJ— her and Alvez were at the other crime scene.

‘Hey, Y/N, what’s up?’

‘At your crime scene, are their any novels by the bed?’

‘Hang on,’ she said, there was some shuffling over the receiver as I handed the book I was holding to Morgan, ‘yeah there’s a copy of fairytales. Oh my god.’

Morgan opened the book, he brows lifting in surprise before he turned it around. It was a picture of Snow White dead in her see through coffin, but the victims face had been glued over the cartoon features.

‘Can you bring your book back to the station? I think I know what he’s doing.’ I sighed, hanging up my phone and sliding it into my back pocket.

I smiled as I entered the station, telling Morgan that I’d meet him in the briefing room in a minute after I’d been to the bathroom. Of course he knew I was lying, but he must have sympathized with the dark circles under my eyes because he didn’t call me on it.

I discretely but firmly grasped my husband’s hand and led him down an unpopulated corridor.

‘How are you feeling, honey?’ he asked, pulling me close and rubbing my lower back as I practically melted into his chest. I loved that he didn’t have to ask why I’d commandeered him for a moment alone—I assumed he was used to my clingy behaviour and heightened emotional state when I was so exhausted.

‘I’m feeling drained, Spence.’ I sighed, nuzzling into the cotton of his cardigan and relaxing even further at the scents that emitted from the fabric—softener, his cologne and a faint trace of mint from the shower he’d taken earlier that morning.

‘If you’re too tired, there’s no shame in saying so. Emily, actually everyone, would understand if you needed a quick power nap, honey.’ He kissed my hair, his other hand resting at the bottom of my neck and rubbing the flesh there—he knew I carried a lot of tension in that particular area.

A soft groan fell from my lips as he kneaded the knots out of my flesh, my bones practically melting as he continued.

‘Hmm,’ I murmured, trying to focus, but it was hard when I felt so calm and relaxed to the point of wanting to sleep, ‘no it’s okay, I’m not that bad yet. I promise.’

It was something we’d talked about before I’d returned from maternity leave—he knew my stubbornness often led to me pushing myself too far before the baby, and now I was running on no sleep it was likely to get worse due to my heightened emotions. He proposed that we come up with a deal—if I ever felt too tired, or like I needed a few hours to recuperate then I had to tell him and not push myself too far.

This deal had been proposed after I’d been taking care of our precious baby boy for thirty-six hours straight with no sleep. I’d practically been a zombie when Spence came home from a case and when he’d offered to take the baby so I could get some much needed sleep I’d nearly bitten his head off, insisting I could do it. I’d then promptly burst into tears because I’d snapped at my husband when all he was trying to do was help, and because I was so exhausted and all the emotions chose that moment to break free.

The next day after I’d slept for twelve hours straight, he’d told me it was common for new mothers to feel like they weren’t doing enough and they often felt like they couldn’t ask for help, even from their spouses. The knowledge had soothed me, as had his assurance that I was doing a good job, and that admitting I needed some time for myself was okay. That’s when he’d made me promise to not push it too far, and it now transferred to the field now I was back at work.

‘Okay,’ he kissed my hair again and I lifted my head up, my lips pursed for a kiss. I heard him chuckle lightly before he complied, his lips soft and warm against my own. I sighed, the pleasant zing his lips always inspired shooting through me from my head all the way down to my toes.

‘I love you, Spencer Reid.’ I told him, the sparkle and adoration in his eyes made my heart expand in my chest—it’d been like that for five years now and I didn’t see it ever dissipating.

‘I love you, Y/N Reid.’ He kissed my forehead and we stayed there for a few moments longer, appreciating the quiet tranquility of the moment before we reluctantly agreed to join the team in the briefing room.

‘This unsub is replicating fairytales.’ I said as Morgan opened the book we’d bought back from the crime scene and slid it into the middle of the table so everyone could see.

‘Danielle was the replication of Snow White. After we discovered this, we also found an apple underneath her bed that had been bitten into. It was bagged for evidence and they’re going to try and pull the teeth imprints, but my guess is it’s going to be a match to the victim.’ I pulled out a chair, scooting close enough to Spencer so that I could smell his cologne.

‘Denise’s death is tied to Sleeping Beauty.’ Alvez slid the book he’d bought back next to the other, ‘we found a miniature spindle wheel underneath her bed next to a few drops of what we assume to be the victims blood. We’ve asked the M.E. To see if there are any wounds on Denise’s fingers that look like they could’ve been made on a spindle wheel.’

‘Well this is good, in the sense that we can predict what fairytale the unsub is going to replicate next, but it doesn’t help us with identifying the next victim.’ Tara said, looking over to the clear board at the head of the room, which showcased the crime scene and victim’s pictures.

‘There has to be something, other than appearance, that these women have in common.’ Alvez commented, twirling his pen between his fingers.

‘And you would be correct, newbie.’ I smiled at the nickname— Alvez had been on the team for almost two years now, yet Garcia still called him that, ‘both women were part of a fairytale online reading club.’

‘Are there any other women in the club who look like the first two victims?’ Prentiss asked.

‘Great minds think alike my dear Emily, pictures and addresses of the three women who share similar appearances have been sent to your tablets.’

Our iPad’s beeped before she’d even finished her sentence and we all looked at the pictures, noting their characteristics were eerily similar to Danielle and Denise.

‘We should contact the women to warn them and assign them each a protective detail.’ Spence said as I observed the pictures with my lips pursed, hoping I’d have a brain wave and be able to pinpoint a connection. The Sheriff left the room to assign that responsibility to some uniform officers.

‘We know who he’s likely going after, but we haven’t figured out why or how he’d have a connection to this—.’ I paused a thought echoing through my brain so astoundingly fast that I felt a little light headed, ‘what if the unsub is a partner to one of these girls? And he’s killing them this way because he resents his partner’s love for this and he’s mocking her?’

‘That’s a good idea— maybe one of these girls cheated on him and he’s disparaging her idea of a happy ending?’ Tara added.

‘Garcia, have any of these three women recently gotten divorced?’ Spence asked.

‘Yes, Regina Kingston, the creator of the book club filed for divorce ten days ago. It hasn’t been finalized yet, but the paperwork was finalized and submitted eight days ago.’ Garcia reeled off, her voice coated with realization.

‘That’s the stressor.’ Alvez said as we all begun to stand from around the table.

‘Garcia,’ Emily started but our I.T genius cut her off and assured us his name and home address had been sent to us already.

We all geared up, adding our bullet proof vests and making sure our guns were sufficiently loaded, should they be necessary in his capture. I bit back a yawn as we made our way to the cars—now was not the time to not be one hundred percent focused. We had an unsub to detain, and so I slapped my cheeks a few times during the drive, to make sure I was definitely awake.

Another yawn fell from my mouth; I’d lost count of how many times I’d done so since we’d got on the jet.

‘Woah momma, why are you still awake? I thought you would have dropped off as soon as we got on here.’ Derek commented, his signature smile on his face but the concern in his eyes was just as prominent.

‘I tried, every time I close my eyes I keep seeing flashes of the things I need to do when I get home.’ I sighed, though a small bright smile formed on my face when my husband took a seat next to me.

‘How is little Gideon Derek?’ JJ asked, taking a seat next to Morgan, ‘do you have anymore pictures?’

I grinned, my face lighting up at the mention of our little bundle of joy, ‘I have around a hundred new ones I took before we left for this case.’

I handed her my phone and she scrolled through the images, her smile growing at each new one. Morgan couldn’t help joining in after a while, unable to resist pictures of his godson. I’d caught a glimpse of his home background earlier and I was pretty sure it was the picture JJ had taken of Derek holding the baby for the first time at the hospital. He was a big softie, no matter how hard he tried to appear the opposite.

I was bought out of my thoughts by Spence’s arm wrapping around my shoulders. I cuddled up into his side, eagerly snuggling into his warmth; I took a deep breath, his familiar and comforting scent relaxing me down to my bones. The voices around me became unfocused as I fell further and further into unconsciousness, the endless list of tasks that had been plaguing me before disappearing now that I was in the arms of my husband. I registered was the low vibration of Spence’s voice as he talked to JJ and Morgan, and the feel of his lips as he kissed my hair. The last thought that filtered through my mind before I surrendered to sleep was how lucky I was to have a husband as amazing as Spencer, a son as wonderful as Gideon and a family as incredible as the people that made up the B.A.U.

A/N: This one came to me after I watched the episode where JJ returns after maternity leave and has trouble staying awake without being able to drink caffeine. I kind of like how it turned out, I hope you did too!

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #Criminal Minds

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xsugarysweetsx · 4 years

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Could you do an Erwin (Irwin? Ervin? Irvin?) x reader? Where the reader and Erwin have a child (around 4 ish) also the reader is pregnant. The reader tells the child all about Erwin and his duties and why he’s so important (she keeps it’s child friendly though). But then Erwin doesn’t come back from an expedition, and she’s heartbroken. And then has to explain why dad won’t come home. But Levi helps her raise her child and newborn cause Erwin wanted him to. Sorry if it doesn’t make sense.

Sure thing anon! Please enjoy!

Please stay home, stay safe and healthy ❤️❤️

“You promise to come back papa?” Said the little blond boy who was being held up by his father. It was the day of the expedition to take back the walls. Erwin was saying his goodbyes to his wife a son.

“I promise James, papa needs to get his arm back from the mean titans right?” He said as he tickled his side with his hand. Yes, Erwin was left with a single arm. But you were grateful he was alive. He put his son down and walked over to you.

He cupped you face and rested his forehead on yours. He knew how scared you were for him to leave especially with his state. But now he was afraid to leave you. You were 7 months pregnant with you second child. Leaving you and your son while he went on a suicide mission. He knew this was for their well being.

So they could live together happily knowing they were safe. Anything could happen and it terrified him. You wrap your arms around his neck and held hi close.

“Please, be safe” you asked him. He kissed the side of your head

“I will, and I love you” he laid a kiss to your lips. His large hand coming down to your swollen belly. As he caresses it a kick came to the surface. A smile coming to both of your faces.

“See, even the baby wants you to come back” you sniffed. He wiped your tears away and kissed your cheek, letting it linger.

“I’m doing this for all three of you. I love you so much” with a final kiss and hug he was off to his horse as he took his place up front. You held James’ hand as you watch all of them take off. His tiny hand waving goodbye to all the soldiers.

You let the tears run down your face, as you watch him leave.

“Come on James, lets go get some lunch” you said turning with his hand in yours. He started to skip happy to go and get some food. As you both sat eating your food he then asked

“Mama, why does papa always have to go? Why can’t he stay?” He asked with food in his mouth

“Honey don’t speak with food in your mouth please and well” you sighed trying to find the right words. He was only 5, how could you tell him that his father was heading towards death?

“Well James, as you know papa is a commander right” he nodded “that means he’s...the king of the Survey corps, and below him are the captains like Levi, who are like the knights, and then..” you encouraged him to finish up. You knew he was smart just like your husband

“The soldiers come last..?” He guessed

“That’s right baby! And they all work together so we can be safe from the Titans.”

“Oh okay. Can you tell me more?” He was so eager to learn it made you smile. You pat the spot next to you and he climbed up from his original seat. You start to tell him about Erwin and how he worked hard to get to the position he was in. How he risked his life for everyone to live within the walls

You even told him the story of how you met.

“Really mama?” You nodded as you giggle at the memory

“Mhm, when we were training together our wires got caught together and we were stuck. While we waited for help we got to know each other and he asked me to dinner” after that you both had gotten married. You were a very well known couple and an admirable one at that. A year later you were found pregnant with James.

James was the best thing to happen in both your lives. No, the timing want right but you wouldn’t have changed a thing. You made the decision to resign your position and to be a full time mother.

Erwin was relived, he couldn’t image a world without you and your son needed you more than anything. Now with another on the way it only made more sense. That afternoon you spent telling James about your time together.

TIME SKIP

It’s been about two weeks now and still no sight of them returning. James was getting restless for his father and you were as well. You were getting restless and lonely at night. You shouldn’t be stressing because of the baby but it was almost impossible.

You heard the gates open on an early morning and dart to the window, soldiers were pouring in. You look over to James and see he’s still sleeping. You kissed his head and went out the door quietly. He would love to wake up to Erwin!

You made your way as fast as possible to the yard where they were dismounting. There were...so many injured, a lot less than what left too. So many grim faces, the tension of this starts to settle in. Soldiers look at you and quickly look away as if trying to hide something. You couldn’t see Erwin, you do spot Levi though and sigh in relief. You go to him

“Levi,...where’s Erwin?” You ask with hope in your eyes

“Y/N...you...you need to sit you can’t be here right now-“

“But I need to see him...he’s here right?” You start to panic. Levi had his eye son the ground as he arms came to support your own.

“..He was a good man and a great commander...” he said in a low voice. You start to sink to the grind as he still held you up. He went down with you as you start to cry. You cry into his chest voicing out your pain. He helped you to stand again and helped you back inside. He sat you down on the nearest chair and held you

“Why...w-why..?” You asked, not really directly but just out into the cruel world. Ever with your cries muffled he could hear the pain and anguish held in each sob. He knew what it was like to lose someone close but don’t know much about affection. He rubbed your back to try and sooth you.

After a few minutes you sobs reduce to whimpers and sniffles. He pulled your head back so he could look at you

“I made Erwin a promise before we left” he wiped a stray tear “he asked me to care for you, if anything were to happen to care for you and James...and that’s what I’ll do”

Of course Erwin would ask him to care for you both before anything. Nut you knew if there was one person he put trust in, it was Levi. You wiped the tears from your eyes and nodded

“I-I need to tell James, but how am I going to tell him?“ you were conflicted of how to tell a 5 year old his father is dead and won’t come back

“I’ll do it with you“ he said rubbing your back. Just then James had came into the hallway where you were. His eyes were bright and excited, you knew who he was looking for

“Mama, where’s papa?“ he asked coming over to you. Your heart felt crushed having to tell him, Levi’s hand held yours and gave it a squeeze. You motioned James over to sit between you both. You thought it would be better to settle it short and carefully instead of dragging it out.

“James, sweetie...papa isn’t coming home..“

“Okay...when is he coming home?“

“James listen to me...papa was good man and he did his job so you and I could be safe....Papa isn’t coming home, ever..“ You could see the heartbreak in his eyes, his whole world just came crashing down

“B-but he p-promised to..“ large tears pooled and fell from his eyes

You pull him in for a hug “I know...i know” you let him cry his heart out as much as he needed. The poor boy cried until he couldn’t anymore and fell asleep. Levi picked him up and carried him to his bed, you asked for some time alone and he let you have it

“Take all the time you need, you know where to find me.“

----------

This had gone on for a good two months. Levi let you both grieve, and get it out of your system. He made sure you both ate properly, slept well. He went with you to the doctor to check on the baby. He even stepped into a fatherly role for James as best he could. He never saw it coming but he did start to feel something for you. After everything you were still so strong and kept moving forward. In a way you all were like a family.

The day you went into labor he was with you the whole time, holding your hand, whispering encouragements to you. The process was long and painful, but in the end it was worth it. You had brought a beautiful baby girl into the world. This was his first experience with a newborn ever, and he couldn’t describe. He never cared for children but this struck his heart differently.

He even got to hold her, in the hands of someone who killed. He now held a new life still fresh into the world. So tiny and precious, as he looked down at her he didn’t realize that he said

“I love her” he whispered with the softest gaze. Your heart melted to hear that but it seems that he realized what he said “I-I’m sorry I didn’t mean to step over-”

“It’s fine Levi, we love you too” you said taking his hand in yours. This was the start of something new, a new life...together

Last Time Skip

Eventually you both find a nice home near HQ, far enough for personal space but close enough for Levi to work. There he helped you to raise your two kids and provide a good life for them. You named the baby girl Emily, and she definitely acted like Erwin but looked like you. Levi was there for her first steps, words and everything. She even called him papa. As for you both, your relationship was stable.

After Emily was born your feelings grew for him. You promised Erwin you would love no other man but him, but...things change. He did it the right way, took you on dates and at the pace you needed. After so long he made you feel loved like you once were. Emotionally and physically.

He eventually proposed to you after three years and you both got married. James and Emily had no problem with Levi since he’s been with them for so long

You sat on the porch of you home watching your kids play together. Levi came and in the chair next to yours

“Hey you, how are you feeling?“ he said kissing your cheek

“Mmm fine, a bit hungry though“ you giggled rubbing your belly. Yes you were pregnant once again with your third child.

“That brat sure has your appetite“ he said calling the kids over. They came up and hugged him, Emily made hands to be picked up. He sat her in his lap and James sat on the floor in front of you both

“Can you tell another story papa?“ Emily asked

“Alright let me think of one I haven’t told before“

Erwin may be gone, and you still miss him but he’s never forgotten

I like how this one came out :). I hope you liked it Anon!❤️

#erwin smith x reader #levi ackerman x reader #attack on titan x reader #attack on titan erwin #attack on titan levi #levi ackerman #erwin smith #snk x reader #fanfiction #anime #anime x reader

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