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babymetaldoll · 3 years

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DIWK - Chapter ten: "Set me free my honey bee"

Word count: 11,6K

Summary: Let's jump 19 months in time and see how painful it has turned for reader and Spencer to hide their feelings for each other. JJ leaves the team, and a new member joins the BAU.

Warnings: Angst and hurt. Fools being assholes. Cursing, of course. Mention of CM cases and spoilers on S06E11.

A/N: Please don't hate me. Just remember things usually look like the shit before they get worst, and then everything is better. I hope.

Masterlist

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(Y/N)'s point of view

Time is a weird thing. I remember when I was in school and time didn't pass fast enough. Semesters were eternal. It felt it had been years by the time summer vacation arrived. The complete opposite happened to me at the BAU. Suddenly, time passed too quickly. A whole year and a half went by in the blink of an eye.

I told Spencer about it, and he sent me a paper published by Professor Adrian Bejan that presented an argument based on the physics of neural signal processing. He hypothesizes that, over time, the rate at which we process visual information slows down, and this is what makes time 'speed up' as we grow older.

My answer was that I thought it happened 'cos as we grew older, we did things that actually gave us joy, which made us feel the time was passing faster than before. So we argued a whole Saturday afternoon about it and created our own theories for that event.

My theory was my personal favorite, 'cos it was the only one that could easily explain why so much time had passed in the BAU, and it felt like it had been just a few weeks.

It hadn't been easy, though. Those nineteen months had been filled with some of the worst situations we had been through as a team.

After I got shot, JJ finally admitted her relationship with Will and got pregnant. That was shocking, the first BAU baby: Henry.

Sadly, Henry was the only little good thing that happened that year. Because to sum it up, a bunch of awful shit happened to all of us: Hotch was in a car explosion that almost killed him. Spencer and Prentiss got trapped in an undercover mission into an underground cult to investigate child abuse, and Emily was beaten up pretty badly. Also, Spencer got infected with anthrax and nearly died. That was probably the most agonizing moment I had lived since the whole Tobias Hankel situation two years earlier.

Also, that year Prentiss had to investigate the case of the death of one of her best friends, and I was in a pretty nasty fight with an unsub that got me out of the field for three weeks. Not to mention, Spencer was shot in the leg.

Hotch was stabbed by the only unsub that has actually won against the BAU: Foyet. He attacked Aaron and got on the lose for months, but we all knew his next move as torture Hotch's family. That's why his ex-wife Haley and his little son Jack had to go into protective custody, and he couldn't see them for months while we tried to catch Foyet.

Things didn't go as planned. And without a doubt, the worst moment that year was the day Haley died. Foyet killed her, and Aaron lost it. He literally killed him with his bare hands the moment he got him. For a solid week, I was sure Aaron Hotchner wouldn't be the unit chief anymore. Strauss actually opened an investigation related to everything that happened that day. But in the end, somehow, she understood the "bloodbath" that had happened in that house was all in Foyet's hands.

However, there's no way to deny that the whole team had changed in many ways after that year. The concept of being a family was now more present than ever. After chasing Foyet for months, we were all onto him as if he was chasing our own family, because he was.

You don't work this kind of job with a team like mine and don't get attached to them. And this goes beyond how in love I was with Spencer. The (Y/N) who first stepped into the BAU, scared to show her true self, was long gone. And despite my deepest fears, letting them in and showing them who I really was had been one of the smartest decisions I have ever made.

Do you want to know which was my stupidest decision? Falling in love with Spencer Reid. It hadn't actually been my choice. I just didn't fight the feeling either. I don't think I could have even if I tried, though. Those nineteen months brought us so close, my mom thought we were living together, and the teasing from our friends was so common we weren't even affected by it.

For Christ Sakes, even Strauss thought we were dating! She forced us to attend a seminar on fraternization, concerned after she realized we always took our vacation together. We had a lot of fun trips, though. First, we visited his mom and had an amazing weekend in Las Vegas. Then we took a few days off after the anthrax incident and went to Hawaii. Picture Spencer Reid in an "all-inclusive," drinking all the coffee and eating all the pastries possible while reading a million books underneath an extra-large umbrella. We had fun that week, did some local touring, but most of all, sleeping in and relaxing. Spencer hates the beach but got those tickets anyway.

Did everybody think we were a couple? Yes

Did it help that we shared rooms, 'cos we were already used to it? No

Did it feel like a honeymoon without sex? Yes

Could I stop thinking about sex with Spencer? No.

And all that led us to the nightmare our relationship was going to become.

Penelope Garcia was drunk. She kept pouring shots and pushing them to us. Emily was wasted as well. But she kept acting like the classy lady she is. Not like JJ. My poor baby had mascara smeared under her eyes after crying for like an hour.

We found out she was leaving the team, and it was a hard blow on us. And by hard, I mean the worst thing that had ever happened to us. We had suffered without JJ when she was on maternity leave. And we struggled without her. Now knowing the Pentagon had taken her away from the BAU was torture.

We had a goodbye party for her at Rossi's, but this was our goodbye girl's night, and neither of us was holding anything back.

We had cried, we had sung sad songs. We drank all the champagne, wine, and vodka we could find. And now, holding our tequila shots, we knew it was time to call it a night.

- "I just love you girls so much,"- JJ whispered, crying- I don't wanna work without you.

- "Boo, come here!!"- I opened my arms and wrapped them around my friend, kissing the top of her hair a few times- "I love you too, and you are going to come back so soon you won't have time to miss us. You'll see. Papa Rossi and Dada Hotch are gonna fix everything."

I was drunk. Seriously drunk. But that wasn't the reason why I was so sweet with JJ. The truth is, I was broken-hearted. Like Penelope and Reid, I didn't manage change very well, and the fact that JJ was forced to leave made me feel frustrated and mad. But most of all, it made me think of every time I had been a little bitch with her during the years. And I regretted each one of them.

- "And we won't be far!"- Emily added and caressed JJ's arm, smiling kindly- "You will still be in town, and we will not leave you alone"- JJ chuckled and nodded.

- "I know, girls. Shit, I love you all so much!"

- "We love you too!"- Penelope sobbed and moved closer, wrapping the three of us in her arms.

- "Please, take care!"- JJ wiped off the tears from her eyes and looked at us- "Emily, don't do anything stupid! Don't rush in the field, and please don't take your fucking vest off!!"

- "I won't! I promise!"

- "You have to live to be Unit chief one day!"- JJ added, and Prentiss widened her eyes, shocked.

- "That's not really my gold."

- "But you'd be queen, baby!!"- Jareau added and turned to Penelope- "And you, please make sure Hotch eats. I kept a stack of granola bars on my desk to keep him fueled during the day. He usually forgets lunchtime and skips dinner, so..."

- "Don't worry, JJ,"- Penelope nodded, and we all felt our heartbreak a little thinking about all the things JJ did in her daily basics to take care of the team, and we didn't even know.

- "How are we going to survive without you?"- I mumbled, pouting. JJ chuckled and held my hand.

- "You are a rock, and you will do a fantastic job keeping this team together. Just, please, can you and Spencer start dating now?"

I wide opened my eyes and stared at JJ. The comment surprised me. I shouldn't, 'cos the whole "you and Spencer should start dating" joke was getting old. Only this time, JJ wasn't joking. She held both my hands and looked right into my eyes.

- "(Y/N), he loves you"- I was about to argue with her, but she covered my mouth with her Cheetos smelling hand.

- "Don't say a word! Spencer loves you so much you really must be blind not to see it. And I know you love him too. It's implied in all the little things you do for him every day. So don't take it for granted. Don't think this will last forever 'cos look at me! A week ago, I was happily working at the BAU, and now I'm drinking at my goodbye party! So don't waste any more time! You are in love with Spencer, and he loves you! It doesn't take a profiler to see it. So please! Act on it!"

There was a dramatic silence after. I didn't know how to break it. I could just joke around, but somehow, it didn't feel right. It had been too quiet for too long, and that made everything harder to deny. Finally, Emily put her hand on mine, just like JJ was still doing, and smiled at me.

- "There's nothing to be ashamed of, (Y/N). You are not the first person to fall for her best friend."

- "And the Junior G Man loves you so much,"- Penelope added, landing her hand on our hands too.

- "As his friend"- I corrected and sighed. I guess that was it. After three years, I could probably start facing my feelings in front of my friends.

- "No, (Y/N)"- Garcia tried to argue, but I shook my head and stood up, 'cos all that sudden attention and affection was bothering me.

- "PG, I was in Hawaii with the man, sharing a room, walking around in a bikini, and he didn't do anything."

- "That's because he is shy!"- Emily excused him right away.

- "My bikini leaves pretty much nothing to the imagination. Do you know what he said when he first saw me on it?"- I looked at my friend and poured us another round of tequila- "And I quote, "I don't think I brought enough books. This one is too interesting."

I air quoted with my fingers as we spoke, and the three of them looked at me, speechless. I made my point and drank my shot, feeling the alcohol burning down my throat. My friends opened their mouths but didn't produce a word. I sighed and looked at them.

- "But he hates the beach, and he took you there anyway,"- Emily pointed out

- "Did he give you his speech about how he hates sandy food?"- JJ asked me, and I chuckled, nodding.

- "And about pink skin, limited and unengaging topography, and of course, the real reason he hates the beach: drug-resistant bacteria spread by seagull feces."

- "And the man took you to the beach!"- Penelope argued.

- "But he didn't do anything! he didn't make his move, didn't even hold my hand!!"- I nearly shouted- "That's why, among a lot of reasons, is how I know Spencer is not interested in me! If only I'd tell you all the shit we've been through!"

- "Please!! Tell us!!"- Garcia begged and grabbed one of my legs- "I won't live another day 'cos I won't be able to deal with the mystery!"

- "No! 'cos you are gonna tell Morgan"- I slurred- "And he is going to embarrass and tease my honey bunny, and my honey bunny is gonna get all nervous and nervous around me, and we are never going to..."- I stopped talking and looked at my friends. I was sharing too much.

- "(Y/N)?"- Prentiss looked at me, but I just shook my head and looked down.

- "I think I better go home."

- "No, you can't drive like this,"- JJ argued immediately and held my hand- "I'm not gonna let you go intoxicated. Will is gonna come pick me up, and we'll drop you in your place."

I nodded at her and stayed still. My friends smiled at me, and slowly very slowly, I leaned on JJ's shoulder and rested my head on it.

- "I love you, boo,"- I whispered, and she giggled- "I don't think I'll stay sane without you there with us anymore."

- "Hotch is gonna manage to get her back,"- Penelope assured me, and I just nodded.

- "Meanwhile, we won't replace you, and if anyone tries to push someone new into the team, we are not gonna take them,"- I added, feeling JJ's hand holding mine.

- "Don't be mean with people just 'cos you miss me. If there's a new teammate, it won't be their fault I was pushed out of the BAU."

- "But, JJ,"- I tried to argue, but she shook her head right away.

- "No, (Y/N). You can't be mean to people just because."

Clearly, my friend hoped I could be the better person. The simple question was: did I want to be the better person? Right there, drunk and sad, the answer was no.

Spencer's point of view

I kept finding myself awake at four in the morning, walking around my apartment, not able to read or to write anything. For the last months, at least twice or three times each week, I would stay awake, no matter how tired I felt, and I would haunt my own apartment, listening to my vinyl records.

The sudden lack of sleep wasn't really something weird in me. I have always been nocturnal. Besides, the news of JJ's departure had hit us all pretty hard. I had already shared my share of tears and tried to manage the fury that caused me to know we were helpless to the government's decisions. There was nothing we could do, neither us, Hotch, or even Strauss. Not that she would if she could.

My family was in crisis, and all we could do was hope for the best and stay together.

It was scary losing JJ. It made me think of all the things that could go wrong every day on the field daily. It was bad that we could get hurt or even die on our work. But that they divided us that way made no sense. Like Rossi said: our loss was someone else's winning, and in the FBI, no one cared if we lost.

I poured myself a cup of herbal tea and inhaled the smell of it. It smelled like home. Like (Y/N). She had some of her favorite teas in my apartment. She had a bunch of all her things there, actually. When mom visited, she thought we were living together. She is still sure we are dating and that I don't wanna tell her. I don't longer argue with her about it. It's useless, and it somehow feels good to imagine in another world. It was actually true.

That year my feelings for my best friend had grown in a way that made it all more difficult to deal with. I didn't just love her. I was in love with her. She was in everything I did, in each and every one of my thoughts. I could hear her laughter in my head, like a record playing my favorite song over and over again.

When she was out there in the field, I couldn't stop running all the probabilities of her getting hurt, and most of the time, I would do my best to keep her safe, knowing it could somehow interfere with the case.

Hotch had called me to his office a few times, aware something was going with me. He could read it on my face, I guess. It was scary to know everybody could read my feelings for (Y/N) but her. And it was sad to think of the worst: that she knew how much I loved her, but she didn't feel the same, and she was just being my friend 'cos she was never going to be anything else but my friend.

I drank my tea and hummed the song that sounded in my house at four in the morning: Love is a losing game. Seemed pretty accurate for my mood. I remember the day I got that vinyl. We were out with (Y/N), Frank, and Lu, looking for a present for Mikey's birthday, and we ended up in a record store, getting a million vinyl records for ourselves.

- "Are you getting all those?"- (Y/N) asked me and looked at the seven albums in my hand.

- "Yes, why? I can't?"- I answered and raised an eyebrow.

- "Sassy!"- she giggled and grabbed them- "You can get all the albums you want. But I have to give my approval first. No, you are not getting this!"- she grabbed The Beatles' Revolver and left it aside.

- "What? Why? It's only one I need to complete my collection."

- "I know, but when you get it, you'll force me to listen to it, and I don't like the Beatles,"- she argued, and I just shook my head, taking the album again.

- "Sorry, chipmunk, I'm buying it."

- "Fine. I won't go to your house for the next couple of weeks then."

- "Why don't you tell me which album you wanna listen to when you are in my house then?"- I looked at her, smiling at me and looking for a record on the shelves.

- "This! You need some Amy in your life."

And I did. Now, at four in the morning, all alone walking around, I could see her in my apartment, singing along to her favorite songs while cooking dinner, feeling at home. I wished she was there, with me, doing nothing. Watching tv, or reading. Just hanging out. I knew it wasn't healthy being in love with my friend, seeing her every day, and also hanging out with her every chance I got. But even when I knew she was never going to love me the way I did, I was going to take every chance I had to enjoy her company. If that was all I was going to get.

My phone took me from my thoughts, and I quickly walked to my room to get it. I thought it was Hotch announcing a case, but it was JJ.

- "Hey! JJ, everything ok? Is Henry ok?"

- "Yes, hi Spence. We are all ok."

- "It's four in the morning."

- "Sorry I woke you up... I just..." - she made a pause and sighed at the other side of the line- "Spencer, you know I love you."

- "I love you too. You are one of my best friends. Is everything ok?"

- "Yes, I just wanted to... remember a bunch of years ago, when you asked me to that football game?"

A million years had passed since the one and only time I had asked JJ out. It was the only move I tried to do on her, and I failed incredibly. It was awkward, and she had no idea it was a date, so she invited Garcia to come along. I was so embarrassed I never even mentioned that single event ever again, and our friendship grew after.

- "Yes, I remember, JJ. Why?"

- "When you asked me out, did you have a crush on me?"

- "JJ, are you drunk?"- I had to ask 'cos that conversation was starting to scare me.

- "Yes, but that's not why I'm talking about this. Just answer the questions, Spence. When you asked me out on that date, did you have a crush on me?"

- "Yes, I did."

I closed my eyes, embarrassed to face feelings that were far forgotten.

- "You see, I had a crush on you too back then,"- JJ said and chuckled- "But neither of us acted on it, and life continued, and now I'm in love with Will, and we have a baby, and you are his godfather."

Of all the things I thought I would listen to that day, never in a million years, I imagined I would hear JJ drunk telling me she had a crush on me when we first met.

- "Now, do you want that to happen again?"- she asked, and I didn't get it, 'cos I was still trying to process what I had just heard. So I might have had a relationship with her if only I had said something, act on it. Kiss her, ask her out again?

- "What?"

- "Spence. Do you want to miss the chance to be with the girl you like?"

- "No, but JJ, what are you talking about?"

She sighed, frustrated, and used that tone of voice with me, that very maternal specific tone of voice she used to explain things she knew were hard for me to follow.

- "When you like someone, Spence, you have to tell her. 'Cos sometimes, life gets in the way, and if you don't do what you have to do to be happy, no one will do it for you."

- "Are you ok, JJ?"

- "Yes, Spence, I'm ok. I'm home with Will. We just got here after dropping (Y/N) off her place."

- "How was she?"

- "She might have had a few too many drinks, but she'll be ok in the morning. Maybe she'd appreciate it if you brought her coffee and donuts."

- "She doesn't like donuts,"- I corrected her- "She likes cupcakes and brownies."

- "Sorry. Coffee and cupcakes... just tell her you love her, Spence. She deserves to know."

I held my breath and closed my eyes. I didn't get why JJ was telling me that, but I knew I didn't want to talk about it. So I said good night and hung up.

What was the point of telling me we could have been a couple of years had passed already? Why didn't she say a thing before? Or even better, why didn't she ever say a word about it at all? So I missed the chance to be happy with her. Great. One more regret to add to my list.

I laid on my bed and tried to remember that date. I was so nervous that day, my hands shook inside my pockets as I walked to JJ's door. She looked beautiful that day, especially when she looked at me and announced she had invited Penelope to join us.

That was when I realized she would never see me as a proper date, just like a friend. And I learned to make my peace with that over the years. My crush for JJ lasted a few more months, but it vanished when I fell for (Y/N). What if she had never joined the team? Would I have been in love with JJ forever? Jeniffer always made me feel like her little brother, and I guess that's the mechanic that works for us. We were good friends ever since we met, and yes, I had a crush on her, but we work more like siblings than anything else.

What was the point in telling me I had missed a chance with her now? I just couldn't see it.

(Y/N)'s point of view

The next few weeks were us trying to survive without JJ. The team was making the best it could, but it was hard. Penelope took the lead during the second case without JJ. She turned into our tech analyst and communication liaison, only to collapse under the pressure of having two roles.

No one was going to replace JJ. We all knew it. Literally, no one, 'cos Hotch decided he and Garcia were going to split the job, and we were all going to collaborate as much as we could, 'cos we were a team. A family. And that's what families do.

And families were the target of the unsub we were hunting the day everything changed. Again. I hadn't recovered from the departure of JJ when Rossi and Hotch walked to the bullpen and introduced us to Agent Trainee Ashley Seaver.

My nemesis.

- "Agent trainee Seaver"- Rossi smiled at her like a proud father and looked at us as we stood up, wondering who she was- "Supervisory Special Agent Prentiss, (Y/L/N), and Morgan."

- "I've heard so much about the three of you,"- she said with the sweetest tone of voice I had ever heard. Something about that felt odd.

- "I hope it is all good- Morgan flirted right away, of course."

- "Very, sir."

- "Anything specific? I mean about me in particular?"- I turned to him and failed in holding back my chuckles.

- "Please, don't encourage him, or he will never stop talking,"- I said, and Derek elbowed me playfully. Seaver smiled at us and even blushed a little bit. She was nervous.

- "Agent Seaver is on loan to us from the academy while she is remedial training with an injury."

Hotch announced. And my stomach tightened right away. There was something wrong with that whole scene. I could feel it in my guts. But I didn't know why?

- "Concussion. Hand to hand got a little out of control."- Seaver explained and kept a silly smile on her face.

- "How's the other guy?"- Prentiss asked.

- "Don't ask."

- "I was remediated in the academy also,"- Spencer said, walking over us, and suddenly I understood why I had a bad feeling about everything.

- "Agent Seaver, Dr. Reid."

As soon as I heard Rossi say those words, there was a part of me who just wanted to hold Spencer's hand and push him away from her, even before they could say hi. She looked at him like he was eye candy, and I clenched my knuckles as I stared at the scene.

- "Uhm... What was your issue?"- she asked him, and I could see the pink on her cheek intensifying as he looked at her, confused.

- "What was my issue? Marksmanship, physical training, obstacle course, Hogan's alley. You know, pretty much everything that wasn't technically book related. They ultimately had to make exceptions to allow me into the field."

Seaver stared at him and kept nodding, though I wondered if she was listening to what he had said. Spencer looked exceedingly handsome that day. His hair was very short for the first time in years, and he still had no idea how to comb it, so it was all over the place, making him look as hot as fuck.

I was so in love with him, I didn't know what to do with those feelings at all. It was hard working with Reid at that point. I just wanted to kiss him.

- "Agent Seaver's going to accompany us to New Mexico,"- Aaron announced, and I couldn't help but question him right away.

- "She is?"

- "As a consultant."- he assured me.

- "On?"- Morgan raised an eyebrow and looked at Hotch, wondering what a trainee agent could help us with as a consultant.

- "She has a unique perspective,"- Rossi tried to explain, but it sounded like bullshit.

- "They don't know?"- Seaver turned to the elderly agents, and they shook their heads.

- "Well, we weren't sure how you wanted to,"- David whispered.

- "Uh... Seaver's not my original last name. It's my mother's maiden name. Mine used to be Beauchamp. My father is Charles Beauchamp"- Ashley was supposed to explain the circumstances of her consultancy to the whole team, but she just looked at Spencer as she spoke.

- "As in the Redmond ripper, Charles Beauchamp?"- he asked her, and suddenly, it clicked. It was like my whole body was telling me I couldn't be close to her for a reason.

- "That's him,"- she whispered and kept her eyes on my best friend as he continued talking.

- "He killed 25 women over 10 years in rural North Dakota. I think that you caught him, right, Rossi?"- and David nodded.

- "Hotch was on that team, too."

- "Based on her life experience, we were hoping that agent Seaver might recognize something in the family dynamics inside the community that could be helpful. We have a plane waiting,"- Hotch announced and looked at us, but none of us said a word.

I kept my eyes glued at my feet the whole time Aaron talked. Then, Spencer nodded and walked with Seaver and Rossi out to the hangar. I couldn't even blink. I think I was in shock.

- "Her father was a serial killer?"- Prentiss asked Hotch, not getting what he was thinking.

- "That's definitely a different set of parameters,"- Morgan added. Neither of them was sold on the idea, which made me feel a little bit better.

- "I don't want her presence to get us sidetracked. It's a long shot that she's gonna see anything helpful. We work it like any other case,"- Hotch was clear, and Prentiss and Morgan nodded.

- "You got it."

But I disagreed with that.

- "(Y/N), is everything ok?"- Aaron asked me, and I tried my best to lie and be cool.

- "Yeah, I'm ok."

- "Ok. We work this like any other case. Wheels up in twenty."

But everything was far from being ok.

I sat next to Spencer on the jet, and we reviewed the case files together. Hotch briefed us, and we all pretended it wasn't weird having Seaver there. And I guess we had to pretend it wasn't odd knowing her dad was a serial killer.

- "You are very young, (Y/N),"- she said and smiled at me. She was sitting across from Spencer and me, and you could tell she had been trying to join the conversation for a few minutes now.

-" Twenty eight,"- I answered and looked at the files again.

- "And you, doctor?"

- "You can call me Reid. I'm twenty eight too,"- Spencer cut her a short, awkward, and nervous smile, and I turned to him.

- "Honey, did I leave my Mets jersey at your house?"- it was the only question that came to my mind at that minute. It was completely random, but somehow it showed a part of our dynamic that Ashley didn't know. Our friendship. Our closeness.

- "Yes, I found it last night,"- he answered and sipped his coffee- "I was gonna bring it over, but then I remembered you always borrow all my sweaters when you are home or when you stay over, so I thought maybe it was a good idea to keep it at my place."

- "I don't know, Batsy. It's my favorite sweatshirt- I raised an eyebrow, and I'm pretty sure I even flirted a little bit."

- "So? You need to keep one there."

- "But I like wearing your clothes when we are at your place. It's extra large and extra comfy."

- "Is that why you keep taking my sweaters back to your house?"- he asked and chuckled- "Last Sunday, I found four of my sweaters in your closet."

- "Sorry, I'm not even sorry,"- I said and laughed- "And what were you doing in my closet?"

- "Lucy, Ricky, can we focus on the case?"- Morgan asked and waved at us with one silly grin on his face- "We love hearing your adorable daily adventures, but we've got a psycho killer to catch."

Spencer blushed and flustered right away. I stuck out my tongue at Morgan and just shook my head. The way Seaver looked at Reid was still driving me nuts, but I felt I had shown her he was mine, childishly.

It's embarrassing to think that's not the most childish thing I did around her those days. Or in the weeks to follow. But I didn't like Ashley, and I didn't want her around my team. And it wasn't just her constant flirting with Spencer. It was the fact her father had killed my mother's sister when she was in college, and I was making my best effort to keep that fact aside from work. My personal life had to stay out of the FBI, especially when working a case.

I had to do some serious mental work trying to remember it wasn't Ashley's fault her father was a sick bastard. She hadn't hurt my family, and her father had ruined her life too. It wasn't her fault.

But one thing is knowing. Another thing is being rational about it. Spoiler: I wasn't so rational about it.

- "So, (Y/N). Do you like working at the BAU?"- Ashley asked me and looked at me through the rearview mirror. We were in the SUV, and Prentiss was driving. I was in the back seat, trying to ignore her, but she made it impossible.

- "Yes, very much,"- I answered and nodded, not taking my eyes from the window.

- "Everybody is very friendly,"- Seaver added and made a pause. I don't know if she wanted me to say something or if she was trying to find a way to say what she wanted to say.

- "Yes, they are,"- I humored her, and she quickly responded.

- "Are you and Spencer dating?"- I could feel the blood raising my cheeks as she spoke. And Prentiss flashed me a look through the mirror as Ashley continued talking.

- "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude. I just wondered because of the fraternization policy."

- "Right. Sure. Of course."

Those three words were meant to let Ashley know I wasn't buying her bullshit, So I literally spit them.

- "Spencer is my best friend. We are not dating."

Facing that simple truth had never been harder before, especially after how I saw Ashley's face light up.

- "You just seem to be so close."

- "Oh, they are close,"- Emily smiled at me and winked- "They are so close, they sometimes freak us out."

- "We freak you out?"- I raised an eyebrow and carefully hit her arm, pretending to be upset. But honestly, I was glad she was teasing me.

- "I am just saying, we are all pretty suspicious about you two. I am actually surprised you didn't share rooms tonight. They usually share rooms."- Emily explained to Seaver.

- "He was paired with Morgan,"- I pouted and looked at my phone. I thought maybe I could send him a funny text. I actually wanted to hang out with him.

- "He is very nice,"- Ashley added- "I mean, everybody is nice."

- "Yes, you mentioned it"

I was clearly not being nice. Seaver nodded and looked at the files again. I assumed she was trying to find a way to keep asking about Spencer, and I was making my best not to kill her.

- "Working with a genius must be somehow intimidating,"- she said after a few minutes. Damn it, she wasn't going to let that subject go.

- "It's fun working with Spencer,"- Prentiss said, trying to humor Seaver. And mostly, I guess trying to ease my mood and keep me from killing the trainee agent.

- "I'm sure it is,"- Seaver added. I hated her.

- "He is more than just a genius, he is a nerd."- Emily pointed out and chuckled at her words, making Seaver giggle too. I looked at my book again, but I knew I wasn't going to be able to concentrate on it at all. He was my nerd. Mine.

- "Well, it's very refreshing to be with a group who trusts and works so well together,"- she added- "I had never felt less judged and more welcome in my entire life."

I know I should have felt sorry for her. But I honestly couldn't. That was the day I realized I wasn't the good person I thought I was. There was a part of me that was a scumbag. I'm guessing knowing that is pretty helpful and positive 'cos you can work on your flaws. But I wasn't planning on working on anything at that minute, though. I just wanted to break Seaver's face.

Spencer's point of view

I didn't like working without JJ. I've never been good with change, and that was a massive alteration of our routine. I missed her, and adding Ashley to the team made things even weirder for me, even for a case. I didn't want to be judgemental, but her father was a serial killer. Of course, that would make things weird.

Besides, everybody kept bugging me, teasing me, trying to see if I liked Seaver. Penelope called while we were on the case and started taunting me, saying she knew I thought Ashley was cute. I could see she was beautiful, but I couldn't see her that way. And I didn't want anyone to say those kinds of things around (Y/N).

Why did I care so much?

I didn't want to face it 'cos I knew it was completely platonic, but I didn't want (Y/N) to think I had a crush on Seaver. I knew my best friend didn't have romantic feelings for me, and I also knew I wasn't going to make a move on her or anything. But I didn't want things to change more than they already had. And most of all, I didn't want anything to alter my dynamic with (Y/N).

But at the same time, somehow, it felt everything was already different between us.

- "Hey, honey bunny,"- (Y/N) walked to me and handed me a cup of coffee- "I thought you might need one of these."

- "You are a lifesaver,"- I whispered and sipped the cup. It was perfect.

We were on the jet on our way back home. The whole team was mostly quiet. The mood was weird. Ashley had done something quite reckless earlier and nearly got herself killed. She walked to the unsub's house all alone, not knowing he was our guy. She almost died, and none of us can even imagine what went through her head to do such a thing.

Rossi and Hotch walked to her. (Y/N) looked at me, and I could read on her face that both of us knew what was going to happen.

Ashley was alone when David sat in front of her, and Hotch stood in the middle of the aisle. Maybe that had been insensitive of us. Neither of us tried to contain her. Neither of us really knew her that well. Or at all, as a matter of fact.

- "You were not supposed to go off on your own."- Hotch went straight to the point.

- "I know,"- she whispered, and I could see how (Y/N)'s face changed. I tried to read her, but all I was able to see was... anger? I had to be wronged. She had no reason to be mad at Ashley.

- "You could have been killed,"- Hotch crossed his arms on his chest and stared at her.

- "I know that, too."

- "Why, Ashley? You're smarter than that"- Rossi sounded like a worried father. I didn't look at him 'cos I kept my eyes on (Y/N)'s, still trying to read her emotions. But what I saw made no sense. She really looked like she was angry at Ashley. Like she hated her.

- "I never got to apologize to any of the victims. The families of the women my father killed. I thought if I could just apologize to one family that had been hurt that way..."

And that was when (Y/N) snapped. She jumped from her seat and walked to Seaver. Aaron and David looked at her surprised, and Morgan turned to me, taking off his headphones. Neither he nor Prentiss got what was happening until that moment.

- "Ok. Shoot!"- (Y/N) sat right in front of Seaver, next to David, and looked at her. But she didn't get it.

- "What? What are you talking about?"

- "You just said you wanted to apologize to one of the families. So go ahead. Try."

The silence on the jet was so deep and awkward it felt no one was ever going to talk again.

- "I'm sorry, (Y/N). But I don't get what you are implying,"- Ashley's voice was a whisper. I knew she was sad and affected, embarrassed even. But I also knew (Y/N), and I could read it on her face. She wasn't joking.

- "You said you wanted to apologize to the family of one of your dad's victims, so go ahead. Apologize to me."

My first instinct was to stand up, which I did. But I froze and didn't take a step closer to (Y/N) when I noticed the severe and cold look in her eyes. I didn't know what she was talking about. But I knew she wasn't bluffing.

- "Why should I... apologize to you?"- Ashley asked her, and her voice broke at a certain point, probably scared of the answer.

- "Your dad killed my mother's older sister. She was in college,"- (Y/N) spit each word with hate and looked at Ashley, waiting for her reply. But Seaver didn't know what to do. She widened her eyes and stayed still. She barely kept her breathing steady.

- "(Y/N), maybe we should let Seaver rest,"- Hotch landed a hand on her shoulder, but my friend shook her head.

- "No, Hotch. By making that choice, she put everyone at risk,"- (Y/N) didn't take her eyes from Ashley as she spoke- "As far as I remember when you are at the academy, they teach you that in the field, we are responsible to and for your team."

- "(Y/N)... I had no idea..."- Ashley tried to apologize, I could see it, but it was clear she wasn't going to win that argument- "I am so sorry."

- "I don't know, Seaver. Did you think saying "sorry" would make those families feel better? 'Cos it ain't working here. "Sorry" won't make my mom stop feeling guilty about what happened. And, if things had gotten ugly back there, "sorry" wouldn't have made your mistake go away in case anyone would have gotten hurt. So no. Sorry doesn't help. Maybe it can ease your conscience, but when you really fuck it up, it never makes things better."

(Y/N) stood up and walked back to her seat in front of me. I let her pass and didn't say a word. I knew she wouldn't want to talk about it there. And, of course, Seaver didn't say a word. She just stood up and walked to the back of the jet, to the bathroom. Rossi and Hotch looked at each other and then looked at me.

David poured a glass of whiskey and walked to (Y/N) slowly. He didn't say a word, he just handed it to her, and she just took it and sipped it with shaky hands.

- "Thanks,"- she whispered, and Rossi nodded. Hotch raised an eyebrow, and for a moment, I thought he was going to say something, but he didn't. He just walked to his seat and opened a case file.

I moved back to my seat and opened my satchel. I had run out of candies earlier that day, so I didn't have much to give to her that could make her smile. So I picked a book and handed it to her. She took it and smiled at me kindly. I knew she was fighting back the tears, and I am sure she has held back all the emotions than being with the daughter of the man who killed her aunt since she knew who Seaver was. And she managed to do the job well. I was proud of her.

- "Wanna grab something to eat when we reach DC?"- I whispered, but for the first time ever, she shook her head.

- "I'm gonna have to catch a rain check for that dinner. I think I wanna go straight to my bed today, honey."- she sipped her glass again, and I nodded.

- "Don't worry, next time."

I was waiting for the train to go back home later that night when I saw Seaver sitting at a bench at the station, staring at her hands on her lap. I didn't see her leaving the BAU, though to be honest, I was really focused on finishing my paperwork to go home. (Y/N) had left as soon as we reached DC, but I had stayed a little longer.

I hesitated for a few seconds before I took a few steps closer and waved at Seaver. She looked at me surprised, as soon as she saw me, but didn't move. I smiled, trying to look friendly, and sat next to her.

- "Hi. What are you doing here?"- I asked her, and she shrugged.

- "I was going to go home, but I think I sat here half an hour ago and haven't been able to move,"- I turned to her and shook my head.

- "Do you want to eat something?"- after what had happened at the jet, I figured Ashley wasn't feeling so good, and maybe talking with someone could help her. She looked at me and blushed; I don't know why. But at least, she smiled and nodded.

- "Great, pizza?"

- "Pizza sounds good."

We were waiting for our food and making small talk. I kept giving Ashley pizza facts to fill the silence 'cos it was weird hanging out with Ashley. I didn't know her, really. We had worked a case together, but that didn't mean I knew her. And, of course, we had the whole jet incident. I felt a little guilty about what had happened, though it wasn't my fault at all in retrospect. I just felt like it was my job cheering her up a little bit after everything she had gone through.

- "How do you do it?"- she asked me all of a sudden- "How do you deal with the pressure of this job?"

- "You get used to it, I guess. I don't know if it's a good thing to get used to, but... it comes with the job, I think,"- I didn't know if I was doing ok comforting her. Then again, I have never been particularly good at it. Not then, not now.

- "Did you always dream about doing this?"- she asked me, and her eyes locked into mine in a way that made me feel slightly uncomfortable.

- "Y... yes. Ever since I was a kid, catching the bad guys,"- Seaver nodded and sipped her coke- "You? Why did you get into the academy?"

I regretted my question right after I asked, just 'cos I realized she might have done it to understand her father's behavior. It was only apparent that had shaped her actions.

- "I guess you know that..."- Ashley answered and smiled, her eyes looking straight into mine. I know I blushed. She is a beautiful woman, though I wasn't thinking about her that way. It was an odd feeling being observed that way.

I was glad our pizza made it to the table, and we were forced to stop talking, and I could focus on anything else but her. Not that I didn't want to look at her, but... I think the right way to explain it is to call it "uneasy." That's how I felt. I wanted to be friendly with her, she had a horrible experience consulting with the team, and I was sure she wasn't really having a good day.

- "This might sound weird, but... do you think I can call you sometime?"- Ashley asked after a few minutes. We were eating and talking about nothing important. I nearly chook at her words and looked at her, nodding.

- "Sure, why?"- I didn't mean to be rude. I just didn't know why she might need to talk to me again.

- "I just think maybe you could help me with a few assignments at the academy."

- "Yeah, of course."

Ashley Seaver smiled and nodded at me, pleased. She took a sip of Sprite, and I could read her, trying to find the words to continue speaking.

- "I'm glad. I was sure you were going to say no."

- "Why?"- I furrowed my brows, confused- "I'm not a big fan of phones, but I can handle a casual phone call."

- "No, I just didn't think your girlfriend would like... I mean, I think (Y/N) hates me, and as her boyfriend, I thought you... would... I don't know."

- "I'm, we are... we,"- I was completely flustered as I tried to rearrange my thoughts. Seaver looked at me innocently and waited for my words.

- "(Y/N) isn't my girlfriend"- it bothered me to admit that simple fact. Why? 'Cos it hurt to think we looked like a couple, but we weren't. Why did Seaver think we were together?

- "Really? But..."

- "She is my best friend,"- I explained poorly. She nodded and hesitated before saying what she was thinking. It was obvious she was trying to arrange the words in her head.

- "It's just that you two... sorry, I'm overstepping,"- Ashley blushed and shook her head- "She is... strong."

- "Yes, very."

- "I think I started with the wrong foot with her."

- "Well, I don't mean to justify anything, but if your father hurt,"- I made a pause, trying to find a way to say it that wasn't so painful.

- "Killed. My father killed her aunt,"- she corrected me with a cold and monotonous tone of voice. I just nodded and sipped my water.

- "She is an amazing person,"- I don't know if I was trying to excuse (Y/N)'s earlier behavior or if I just loved her so much I needed to tell people how awesome she was.

- "I'm sure you will pass this,"- I assured her- "Once you get to know her, and she gets to know you."

- "I don't think she will give me that chance. Besides, I was just clear to assist with only one case."

- "If you want to stay, you can request your remedial training be here. And if Hotch approves it, I could talk to (Y/N). I'm sure she will like to know you better."

Why did I say all that? I had no idea.

- "Thank you, Spence. You are really sweet,"- Ashley moved closer and held my hand. I stayed very still, absolutely awkward.

- "Yeah, I don't... like... holding hands,"- I quickly moved it away and tried to smile at her. She stayed still, not understanding my reaction but trying to act normal.

- "Sorry."

- "That's ok. I'm a germaphobe, that's all."

After pizza, we left the place and said goodnight. I told Ashley I was weary (which was, in fact, the truth) and got her a cab to take her home. After that, I walked to my place. I felt like I needed to be alone for a while. My head was overwhelmed, and in the latest couple of weeks, I had severe trouble sleeping.

I had migraines that nearly blinded me. I was scared they meant I could develop the first signs of schizophrenia, like mom, 'cos they were coming more and more often. It wasn't that bad yet, the light didn't hurt my eyes, and I didn't have any sign of hallucination, but still, I knew it could be serious.

I tried to think of a reason why I might be having those severe headaches. I was eating correctly, mostly 'cos (Y/N) forced me to eat. No, she didn't force me, but she made sure I had all my meals at work, not just coffee. And usually, at the weekends, we would spend our time together, and she was a fantastic cook. So it wasn't an alimentary issue.

I wasn't sleeping well. That wasn't new, but it was getting serious. I wrote and read a lot at night 'cos I couldn't fall asleep until late. I didn't know why. I just couldn't rest. My body ached, and my brain wouldn't sleep. The only nights I could actually get some rest were the ones when (Y/N) stayed with me. It was a blessing when Hotch paired us to share rooms, 'cos I could easily fall asleep when she was around. Her presence soothed me in a way that I didn't understand. Let me put it this way, I know it might sound cheesy, but the beating of her heart set the rhythm for my own, and at night it would bring me peace.

I reached home that night and sighed. I knew I wasn't going to rest easy. (Y/N) wasn't there with me. So I made myself a cup of herbal tea, (Y/N) had a lot of those in my house, and I drank them when I missed her. The smell coming from the cup made me feel like she was close.

How pathetic I had become! But I could only share those thoughts with myself. No one knew I had feelings for her, and I was going to deny it till the end, no matter what had JJ said. I couldn't take that phone call from my mind, and on those sleepless nights, I kept overthinking and overanalyzing everything.

I got into bed with a few books and my cup of herbal tea. I took a look at my cell phone, two new messages.

- "I miss u"

(Y/N) sent, and a warm feeling spread on my chest as I imagined her whispering those words as I read them

- "Breakfast tomorrow before work?"

- "See you at seven-thirty."

I typed and sent it.

What could ever happen if I told her how much in love I am with her? I would lose her, and I'd be alone. She didn't feel that way for me. It was a fact. I was just glad she was my best friend, and I could share everything with her. Was I pathetic? Yes, very, but in a way, it felt it was just all I deserved. Not more, not less. Just being in love with a girl who didn't love me back.

At least she wasn't dating Paul anymore. I hated that guy.

(Y/N)'s point of view

Spencer was waiting for me outside our usual coffee shop, already holding two cups of coffee. His short hair looked dreamy as she smiled and took off his sunglasses. It had to be illegal being that hot. But, seriously, how didn't he get laid? He was fucking dreamy. In the four years we had been best friends, I saw Spencer in many hairstyles, and each of them made him look like a model.

Falling in love with Spencer Reid had been a process I hadn't actually been fully aware of. But I was completely conscious I needed to hide those feelings from him and from everybody at the BAU.

Ok, fine, I had somehow faced part of those feelings in front of my drunk best buddies at Penelope's house, but I never actually confirmed anything. I had just... shared some of my frustrations, I guess.

- "Good morning, honey bunny,"- I smiled and sighed as I stood in front of Spencer, watching him grin back at me and hand me one of the coffee cups.

- "Good morning, chipmunk. Did you get some rest?"

- "Yes, I fell asleep as soon as I reached my bed. I was exhausted."

- "I'm glad you are fully rested."

- "What did you do yesterday?"

- "Nothing,"- he answered quickly and turned around- "I got you a carrot muffin to go."

- "Thank you so much. I'm starving. I didn't even have dinner yesterday."

- "Really?"

- "I told you, I reached home and crawled into my bed."

We walked outside the coffee shop in silence. Spencer bit his donuts, and I ate my muffin. It was nice and calming being with him doing domestic things in life.

I hated how much in love I was with him 'cos I knew I had to shake that feeling away. He was never going to have feelings for me. I was a regular human being, and Spencer Walter Reid was a genius. He deserved better, he was actually never to think about me that way, and I refused to ruin our friendship with those feelings.

- "So, Comic-con is coming. What are we doing this year?"- I asked as I drove us to Quantico.

- "I was thinking we should do something classic,"- he looked at me, nearly beaming on his seat- "We haven't done Star Wars yet."

- "Really?"- I frowned, confused- "All these years? Are you sure?"

- "(Y/N), eidetic memory,"- he argued, and I chuckled- "So, how do you feel about Leia?"

- "Do I have to be Leia 'cos I'm a girl?"- I asked him, and he flustered right away.

- "What? No, you can be whoever you want to be. I was just, it came to my mind... I didn't,"- I giggled and looked at him for a second.

- "I'm messing with you, Batsy. I always wanted to dress as Leia. Surprisingly, I never had. Padme once, it was a mess, but never Leia. Who are you planning to be?"

- "Maybe Luke... or Obi-Wan. Morgan suggested C3PO once."

- "If I'm Leia, you should be Han,"- I don't know why I said that out loud. I thought about it, I pictured it in my head, but I knew I shouldn't have said it. Then why did those words leave my mouth? I don't know.

- "Han Solo... yes... yeah, sure. Of course! We can pick our outfits this weekend."

- "Great! What do you think would look better? Slave Leia or classic all in white Leia?"- Spencer didn't answer. He just sipped his coffee and looked outside the window.

- "You would look good in both,"- his cellphone interrupted our conversations, and I thought it might be a case. But I was so wrong, it hurt.

- "Hello? Oh, hi, Ashley,"- I nearly hit the break as soon as I heard him saying her name, but instead, I turned around and looked at him.

- "Good, yes. On my way to work with (Y/N). Oh, that's good."

I didn't care what she was saying. I just needed to know why that bitch was calling him. I was blind in jealousy, and I was having a hard time hiding it.

- "Really? Emily? That's... that's great. Sure, we'll see you around, gotta go. Bye."

- "What the fuck?"- I swear, I didn't think what I was saying. Those words just slip through my lips straight from my guts. I hated Seaver.

- "That was Ashley."

- "Figured when you said "Hi Ashley." What? Are you best friends with her now?"

- "What? No! No way! She just wanted to say hi... and... She.... asked for my number 'cos she wanted to help her with some of the academy's projects,"- Spencer was so nervous he actually stuttered as he answered my simple question.

- "Of course, she did,"- my voice was bitter and hurt, but most of all, ironic. And I don't know if Spencer didn't want to understand me or actually didn't get the hint, but he just continued talking.

- "She wanted to tell me she requested her remedial training be at the BAU."

- "What?!"- that wasn't subtle. I actually yelled- "I'm gonna have to see her again?"

- "If Hotch approves..."

- "Fuck!! That's awful!!"- I hit the wheel, frustrated.

- "She's not a bad person, (Y/N). Her dad was a murderer, but that doesn't mean..."- I turned to look at Spencer for a second, and he just shut up- "Sorry."

- "I don't like her, Spencer."

- "Yes, I know."

- "Her dad killed my aunt!!"

- "I know..."

- "And on top of that, that bitch is..."

I had to bite my lips and focus on the road, actually holding my breath for a few seconds, just not to open my mouth and ruin it all.

The main reason why I hated Ashley Seaver wasn't just because of what her father had done. That itself was enough to keep her away. But on top of that, she was flirting with Spencer. She wasn't even subtle about it; she was nearly all over him. I saw her! She wanted him, and he had no idea! He was blind to her attention. Unless he liked it. Did he? Shit, I hoped not.

- "She what?"- Spencer whispered, scared of my reaction.

- "She plays the pity card the whole time. Bad things happen to all of us. You don't have to make it who you are, she does, and she expects sympathy."

I grabbed my muffin and took a big bite of it. Spencer sighed and stayed quiet for a moment, giving me space to decompress, I think.

- "Did you know the origins of carrot cake are disputed by many countries?"- I looked at Spencer, and he nodded- "Many food historians believe carrot cake originated from the English recipe of carrot puddings, eaten by Europeans in the Middle Ages when sugar and sweeteners were expensive, and many people used carrots as a substitute for sugar."

- "My mom would fight all those historians and convince them she invented it. Her carrot cake is the best."

- "And I would agree, the cake she baked for your last birthday was amazing."- I nodded and heard him chuckle as I kept my eyes on the road. I wanted to focus on the memories of my last birthday and how fun it was, but something was bugging me.

- "And why did she call you to tell you what she wanted to do?"- I parked the car outside the BAU and turned to Spencer. He opened his mouth, but no word came from it. So I asked him again.

- "Honey, why did Seaver call you to announce she would take the remedial training at the BAU?"

- "It... might... had been my idea,"- he whispered and held his satchel tight against his body. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't believe it.

- "Why on earth did you do that, Spencer?!"- I shouted as I got out of the car, grabbed my purse, my clean go bag in case we had a case, and started walking towards the building.

- "It wasn't like a suggestion. She just..."

- "I can't believe it!!"

- "It doesn't have to be that bad! It's just for a few weeks..."

- "Hopefully, Hotch won't accept."

- "(Y/N), come on,"- Spencer held my hand and stopped me- "This is not like you. Yeah, you don't like her, but you are making it a big deal, and it's not."

- "I'm starting to think you are crushed on her,"- I didn't want to say those words. They just slipped.

- "What!? Why? No!! I'm not!"- the high pitch on Spencer's voice was a clear sign of how uncomfortable he was with the conversation.

- "Then why are you defending her?"

- "I am not! I'm just saying maybe you are acting a little bit... irrational about this whole thing. She hasn't done anything bad."

- "Other than jeopardizing the whole case yesterday?"

- "Right, other than that..."

I felt Spencer's hand in mine, and I swear, I couldn't stop thinking about how it felt. It kept sending shivers all over my body. His thumb rubbed small circles on my skin, probably trying to calm me down, and it worked. I followed it with my eyes for a second as I took a few deep breaths and nodded.

- "Ok, I won't make a big deal if she stays."

- "Thank you."

- "Just... don't ask me to be her friend."

- "You don't have to be her friend."

Spencer stood in front of me and smiled. I swear all I could think of was kissing him. And a part of me felt it was getting harder and harder to resist. He put on his sunglasses and kept his hand in mine for a moment until Penelope's voice took us from our little bubble.

- "Good morning, my wonder babies!! Ready to fight crime?"

I actually didn't know what I was getting into.

Hotch had taken the day off. We were around the one-year anniversary of Haley's death, and according to what Rossi explained to us, Jack wasn't feeling so good. It was said it would be just a day or two, but I had the feeling it might be a couple of weeks. Hotch would always put himself second, but he would do whatever it took to keep him safe when it came to his son.

Morgan had been asked to take a trip to Petersburg Federal Correctional Complex to do a risk assessment on a case, so Spencer, Prentiss, and I were in the bullpen. Garcia was in her office, and Rossi was in a meeting with Strauss. I'd say it was a very calm morning, catching up with all the pending paperwork we had. Spencer had just gotten me a cup of coffee when I heard Seaver's cheerful voice.

- "Hi guys!"- she walked in with a big smile and waved- "How are you?"

Spencer looked at me as we all said our hellos. I could almost read "Please, be nice" written all over his face, and for a moment, I was willing to do as told. I didn't want him to suspect why I was so annoyed by her after all.

- "I talked to Hotch"- Emily smiled at Seaver and moved a chair for her- He signed off your remedial training, and I'll be your training agent. I'll supervise your work. I already told Rossi too, so it's official.

Ashley jumped from her chair and hugged Emily. I rolled my eyes and stared at the file on my desk. I really wasn't ready to deal with her. I wasn't prepared to deal with someone trying to steal Spencer from me.

Ok, Spencer wasn't mine to keep, but we had been inseparable for four years, and I didn't want to lose that. I didn't want to lose him.

I had never been ready to deal with Spencer dating other girls. The few times girls had hit on him had been awful. Once, Morgan took him to a club when we were on a case, 'cos the unsub was picking his victims there, and he taught him how to pick up girls. The bartender ended up giving him her number 'cos my dorky best friend was charming. Derek still remembered that moment from time to time, quoting it as "The day he turned Spencer into a man."

I loved Derek, but fuck, I hated him sometimes.

- "Welcome to the team,"- Spencer waved at Seaver from his desk and turned to me, raising an eyebrow.

- "Yeah, welcome,"- I added and cut her a short smile.

- "I'm thrilled to join you guys for a few weeks. I always dreamt of being here. I'm ready for making it up after the last case."

- "Don't be so hard on yourself,"- Prentiss interrupted her and smiled friendly- "You remained calm under pressure, and the case was solved. That's all that matters."

I had to control myself not to snort after Emily's words. Instead, I kept my eyes locked on my desk like I had done before. I was so focused on it that I could have actually developed telekinesis skills and moved the freaking file with my eyes.

- "I just wanted to say thank you to all of you,"- Seaver's voice was soft, in a mix of fear, excitement, and... something else I couldn't read.

- "Especially you, Spencer. I really enjoyed our talk last night, and I have the feeling I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you. Thank you for the pizza. I owe you dinner."

- "Don't, it was nothing,"- Spencer flustered and stood up quickly, grabbing his pile of files and walking away, arguing he needed to ask Garcia something.

I did my best not to move a muscle. I didn't want Seaver to know how much I hated the fact she had shared what seemed to be a lovely evening with Spencer. One he didn't actually mention when we talked about what we had done the previous evening. Why did he decide to keep me in the dark? I couldn't understand that. Maybe he just didn't want me to know he actually had feelings for Seaver. Maybe he had asked her out, and because he knew I hated her (though he really didn't know why), he decided not to tell me what was going on.

I had been wasting all that time in love with Spencer. I knew I would never act on those feelings, and clearly, he didn't have feelings for me. So... maybe it was time to let him go.

How could I let Spencer Reid go when I never actually had him?

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Next update: June 16th, 2021

#spencer reid #Criminal minds #matthew gray gubler #diwk #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x you #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds re write

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stellocchia · 3 years

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Anyone remembers my Platonic Soulmates AU?

Well, I decided I wanted to write something in it for Wilbur as well because he's just perfect for angst... (also it's technically the second part of This One, but you don't need to read it for this one)

The Anchor

Wilbur had always been what his father liked to call “an artistic soul”. He learned how to play guitar and sing at a young age and he’d been very averse to violence ever since. His father was not one to voice his concern, but Wilbur knew that he had disappointed him when he called out his cruel practices in leading the Antarctic Empire. It was fine though because Wilbur didn’t need him.

He set out to adventure, a guitar on his back and a name proudly displayed on his wrist for everyone to see. He deserved to meet his soulmate and of that, he was certain like of nothing else.

Things don’t always go according to plan however and soon enough he found himself broke and raising the son of a fish he stared at longer than it was strictly appropriate. That was not ideal per se, but he knew he could manage somehow. He was the son of the Angel of Death, after all, giving up wasn’t in his blood.

The next couple of years had been hard, what with the low funds and Fundy growing faster than expected, which meant he needed new clothing more often and more food than other babies. Fundy also absolutely hated Wilbur’s cooking and he never held back from letting him know with shrill cries and incessant pouting. Wilbur wished someone would have told him how exhausting being a parent would be, no wonder Phil avoided it like the plague…

Something good did happen however when one day at a market he met a very young teen named Tommy. The boy successfully stole from him, but, upon seeing him break down when he realized he couldn’t afford a meal for him and his child, he came back with a mortified expression and an apology. Wilbur understood though. They were both leading a miserable life so, instead of calling the guards asthe teen expected, he invited him over for a meal.

It took Tommy one try of Wilbur’s culinary expertise before declaring him a lost cause and inviting himself over for supper as well so that he could make something decent. Wilbur didn’t comment on his inability to taste the food when asked how much better their dinner was, but Fundy was full of praise for the first time in his existence, the little shit…

It took a couple more encounters before Wilbur noticed the name on Tommy’s wrist and they were already brothers by then. It seemed perfect like it was meant to be. And, according to the Universe, it was.

Years passed and they got invited to a moderately new Server apparently owned by Dream, renowned all over the System for his hunting challenges.

The news was the best thing that happened to Wilbur in a while. The desire to prove himself had been buzzing under his skin since forever, almost turning into an unbearable scorching fire in recent times. And that was his opportunity to upheld his father’s legacy, he would not let it go to waste.

Tommy was the first to join, though Wilbur was very reluctant to let him go alone. He was still so young and reckless and so painfully kind. Wilbur’s heart ached knowing him alone where couldn’t be easily reached, but he had to deal with the legal procedures regarding the Server transferal, so he’d have to suck it up this time.

Still, his brother and son were there waiting for him when he joined. Tommy had made friends with another teen and, somehow, had a war with the Server’s Admin. Nothing less than what Wilbur expected.

It was fine though, they were finally getting their life in order.

The first thing Wilbur tried was to get a monopoly on potions, which lead to the impromptu formation of a police force, which then lead to the formation of a country and war.

Before he knew it he was one life down, holding his little brother while his second life bled out of him, choking on his tears while the jubilant screams of his enemies resounded behind him.

It had taken no time for him to lose so much, and Tommy coming back from a meeting with the Admin saying how he’d won them independence was not enough to bring back his sense of safety and control. He was lost. It dawned on him then that he had no idea of what he was doing, only moving forward because he had to. It gave him such a sense of dread that he’d often end up crying alone in his office, the comfort of his soulmate feeling too far with a door between them, yet not far enough to hide his shame.

In a desperate attempt of reigning his life back in he proposed an election. It should have been an easy way to consolidate his power and possibly to give him some peace of mind. He’d planned it perfectly, so of course, nothing could go wrong. Turns out he was mistaken.

His second death was from an arrow piercing his heart while he screamed for Tommy, who was already on his last life, to run for his life. In retrospect, he should have expected things to go wrong as that’s what usually happens.

From then his life just turned into a never-ending spiral. There was no one he could trust, no one who hadn’t betrayed him, aside from his soulmate. And, even then, where he once found comfort in it, Tommy’s presence now felt blinding. Like staring directly at the sun after days spent in a cave. Oh, Tommy was as tainted as him, he knew that much, but the boy was so stubborn in his pathetic desire for peace. He refused to understand how that wasn’t an option anymore. L’Manburg, the country they founded and fought for, was now nothing but a corrupted husk of its former self. It was far beyond saving, destruction being the only remaining option. But Tommy refused to understand and, after a while, Wilbur stopped trying to make him. He’d come around to it eventually…

And then came the grand day, his final act! The stage was set and everything was perfect down to the most minuscule of details. Even Philza showed up for the heartbreaking reunion of the century, where he could pretend he’d been a father to Wilbur while stabbing him through the heart. It was perfect and wonderful and he could finally have peace.

Only death was not what he imagined. It wasn’t nothingness and it wasn’t peaceful. Instead, he was trapped at a station, trains passing but never stopping, and lost souls of those who came before him roaming the platform, unresponsive shadows of their former selves.

And it was such a cruel trick, wasn’t it? Showing him what he was to become while letting him keep the mind of who he was. Of course, he did his best not to succumb to the numbness and fade in that state of non-existence, but he was about to give up when Schlatt fell into an eternal slumber. But then something happened, something wonderful, the veil of death retracted for just a moment and he saw his little brother finally succeeding in defeating Dream once and for all. They talked like they hadn’t in a long time and with the reunion came the constant dull pain of a broken bond interrupted too soon.

It was grounding in a way. There weren’t many sensations in Limbo and of course the one breaking him away from his crushing loneliness would be Tommy once more. His one constant. His one anchor to retain himself.

An even better event was when Tommy himself joined him in Limbo. Wilbur couldn’t be more ecstatic! He mostly ignored his brother’s newfound constant fidgeting and shakey breaths he would take from time to time. They weren’t important, what was important was that Wilbur wasn’t alone and his bond stopped hurting. They were together now and nothing could change that! Well… he thought so, until one day a hand appeared grabbing Tommy’s neck and dragging him away, towards the tracks. Wilbur screamed and tried to take a hold of Tommy’s hand, but it was too late and the boy disappeared with the passing of another train.

After that Wilbur almost faded. He almost gave in. Why holding so desperately onto his mind when he was condemned to an eternity of loneliness? His soulmate too far out of reach once more… this time perhaps forever.

But eventually, a train stopped at his station, with Dream as the conductor. Dream, his hero! Taking him away from that nightmare and gifting him life once more!

He’d been grateful at the time. Truly grateful. Even after receiving Ghostbur’s obviously incomplete memories and having seen some of what the Admin had done to Tommy he still was grateful. And then he noticed something on Tommy’s wrist, a scratched-out name that appeared to have once been carved into the skin, and suddenly the desire to rip Dream apart with his bare hands reappeared stronger than ever.

He’d have to wait of course. Gain allies first, strengthen his bond once more, and play his cards right. He’d have to get the Admin to let his guard down with him and then… well then he would find out what happened when you tried taking Wilbur’s lifeline away from him...

#dream smp au #platonic soulmates au #tommyinnit #wilbur soot #crime boys #my writing/fanfic thingy?#tw suicide #tw unhealthy relationship #wilbur is a bit possessive #but that mostly stems from loneliness in this case

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theravennest · 3 years

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Let’s Talk: The Blooms at Ruyi Pavilion

I finished all 40 eps about two weeks ago, actually. I enjoyed it for the most part, the 1st half especially, but there were several things near the end that took me out.

But first some of the good bits...

The cast chemistry was immaculate. Our four main lead actors were a lot of fun together. Not just Zhang Zhehan and Ju Jing Yi, but also Wang You Shuo and Xu Jiaqi (Loved them!). The four of them have such obvious ease with each other after their previous work together in Legend of Yun Xi and it made scenes with any combination of the main four really pop.

I was especially drawn to the sisters’ relationship and the Prince-Vassal bond going on between Prince Su and Little Marquis. (Y’all know I’m a sucker for both sibling stories and stories about fictional royals and their loyal vassals.)

Most of the ancillary characters were interesting, actually. As y’all know from my last post about this one, I was crack shipping like crazy all the side characters. 😂 This cast made it easy for me.

Except for Prince An. (Sorry to hit the bad so early.) Good god, I hated that man. His character was poorly drawn in pretty much every way, which is unfortunate cuz he’s the main antagonist. Any story with a main antagonist that just doesn’t work is always gonna be weaker.

Also, no offense to people who like that actor but he was the only cast member who did absolutely nothing for me in terms of performance. So much of the story was focused on his weaksauce motivation and dry acting like, my god, put me out of my misery I do not care.

Anyway, the set design and costuming was top notch and I even enjoyed the broader story ideas the show was trying to put forth. The sitcom vibe of the first 20 eps or so was SOOO good. Our four mains’ comedic timings were pitch perfect.

Unfortunately, the writing took a sharp nosedive in the back 3rd or so and it had a rough ending. (The lightning strike on the tower scene, the fight in the underground temple, the return of Prince An’s mom...all of that was trash. let’s be real.)

I mostly blame this on three things: the missteps with the Prince An character, the lack of development of Rong’s prophetic dreams even though that was the main premise of the show, and the jump-the-shark moment that was the wedding night and its subsequently underwritten fallout.

Now to clarify, I don’t mean to say the wedding night event shouldn’t have happened at all but rather the execution of it within the story was poor and it negatively impacted 90% of the other character motivations/progressions and the overall pacing.

You know, it felt like that thing you do as a writer where you wake up and have a specific scene in your mind. It’s evocative, impactful, fun, or otherwise intense. But you just have that scene and it’s something that would have to happen in the middle of your story. So you work your way backwards to try to get to that scene and you do your best to get the characters to make decisions to get there but when you sit down to write nothing works out. It’s clunky or OOC for the scene to still happen so you end up having to either scrap the evocative scene or keep the clunky lead up and hope no one notices. That’s what that wedding scene and everything that happened after felt like. They wrote themselves into a corner and just struggled to recover until the bitter end.

The main pairing suffered the most because of the poor writing choices. No matter how much chemistry ZZH and JJY have together, even they could not completely salvage Rong’s yo-yoing behavior with Prince Su. They started off so wholesome and then dove into such toxicity and miscommunication for no reason.

Don’t get me wrong. I can very easily enjoy angst. But Fu Rong consistently broke this man down. After ep 25-26, it stopped being good angst and became so awful to watch all the emotional manipulation and turmoil. There’s something broken in the writing if 9 out of 10 times Prince Su cried or fell into depression it was because of something Rong did or said to him after jumping to a conclusion with only part of the puzzle pieces gathered.

I could forgive some stuff because Prince An was manipulating things but some stuff was just all Rong not giving Prince Su the benefit of the doubt or plain old not doing her due diligence in investigating. She is supposed to have inherited the most prolific and successful spy organization in the show and she still got 90% of her conclusions wrong. It was like she was determined to always think the worst of Prince Su no matter what despite how often he went above and beyond to help her. Despite the fact that he literally had a reputation as a general for being a harsh taskmaster but fair and just.

I think what broke me was when she did the bare minimum investigation into her own father’s death and just fully blamed Prince Su without confronting him honestly or even considering his personality or their relationship up until that point. She really believed a single street seller’s entire testimony over the man she lived with and supposedly loved for months. Girl...

And this is after she’d previously mistakenly accused him of killing her mentor with very few facts to the point where she stabbed him on their wedding night.

There came a point where I actually wanted Prince Su to finally, truly divorce Rong and settle down with someone who could love him right. Maybe give him time to heal from the repeated heartbreaks, betrayals, and the literal stab wound in his chest but he was so fucking in love with Rong, he just couldn’t escape.

(If there were behind the scenes production reasons for the clunky-ness of the back half, I would not be surprised at all but ultimately they don’t matter cuz the story we got was the story we got.)

Imagine if we had gotten a Rong who used her prophetic dreams to navigate the cut throat world of royal politics. Or imagine if we’d gotten Rong as a true apprentice to Ruyi who learned both metalsmithing and spycraft in the first half and took over the pavilion as a competent leader in the second half. As it stands, it just felt like wasted potential.

I’m glad they had the modern day special AU eps tho cuz those were great. Zhang Zhehan and Ju Jing Yi had the opportunity to really showcase their incredible chemistry but in a modern setting and with better writing than the back 3rd of BRYP.

Now let’s talk Zhang Zhehan since he was the reason I started this in the first place. I loved him in this. I truly did. He was stern and serious but also playful and sweet. He was romantic but awkward, badass but vulnerable. He really delivered a nuanced and charming performance. I loved every second.

I think my favorite moment wasn’t some badass fight or even a super romantic moment. No, it was when he got drunk and started crying like a little baby cuz Rong was constantly doubting him no matter what he did. It was simultaneously sad and hilarious. Like gut busting funny. Y’all can watch it here:

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I laughed so fucking hard at this. Oh my god, guys! This shit was too much.

Random Thoughts:

The romance between the 2nd leads was A+. Truly an adorable affair. Though I think they should’ve gotten together officially earlier around ep 25 or so and we should’ve seen the rest with them as a couple.

The costuming was so good y’all. For all the main four characters but I was especially drawn to Prince Su’s outfits.

The ghostly pale look with the bright red lips and eyeshadow makeup for Rong did not bother me at all. I actually liked it for her though I think it would’ve worked better if she’d had more explicit prophetic abilities.

I could’ve used more actual war scenes with Prince Su and Little Marquis.

The OST for the show SLAPPED!

That one kid spy in Ruyi Pavilion was voiced by the same actor as Chengling from WOH and I have never double-taked harder. lmao

Even though there were things I didn’t like in this show, I appreciated how gay I could make it in my last post. Truly it was a bisexual’s dream aesthetically.

#the blooms at ruyi pavilion #cdrama #zhang zhehan #ju jingyi #liveblogging #meta #reviews #long post

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memesrruinedsoirant · 3 years

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His Dark Materials Book 3 (The Amber Spyglass) GIGANTIC plot holes

Ok WTF the heartbreaking canonical realization of Lyra and Will having to separate is full of shit. So WHY did I have to suffer so much as a 10-year-kid and just now again after rereading it?

1.) First of all, Xaphania warns Will that open windows cause Dust to leak out, this leaking being deadly for consciousness and sentient life in the universe. But ONE window can be left open, because that Dust can be renewed by sentient life being active, kind, curious, busy, and humanly conscious. Lyra and Will choose to leave the window in the underworld open, and sadly decide to not leave one open for their own use.

HOWEVER, we know that there are infinite universes in existence, which means the production of Dust is ALSO literally infinite, with production levels also increasing and decreasing depending on the sentient beings’ actions and curiousity. I SUPPOSE if the speed of the leaking of only TWO windows (the underworld window + Lyra and Will’s window) is higher than the speed at which Dust from INFINITE universes is generated, this would lead to a perpetual leaking that would continue for a long time. This does appear to be a big problem, but please note the mathematical discrepancies that are required for this disaster to happen. The two windows would have to leak infinite amounts of Dust at a higher speed than that of the entire infinite multiverse (literally billions of universes each with trillions of intelligent beings) generating infinite Dust. You’d think Angels would know this and advise them accordingly, right? If they know but they don’t tell them, that’s just mean and doesn’t add up with their motivations. But if you assume that they don’t know, that’s messed up because then the continuity’s messed up. Angels supposedly know everything because they ARE everything (matter loves matter, remember?) This entire part of the book does not make sense. The only way this part works is if the existence of just one more window is THAT detrimental of an increase to Dust leakage ACROSS the multiverse. This part of my reasoning is mathematical, yes, but the math doesn’t seem to add up in this series which otherwise conveniently relies on reasonably accurate and focused scientific reasoning like different timelines and universes sprouting out of different events that go in multiple directions. But FINE. If you say that the ONLY TWO windows in existence leak THAT much THAT fast, so much so that the multiverse’s TOTAL Dust levels decrease even WITH infinite production that only needs to be encouraged by propagating creativity and free will, I will accept this point begrudgingly. I know, it’s nonsensical. Hence the grudge. Moving on.

2.) Xaphania actually DOES cede to the point that if a window is open for only a short amount of time, there is not enough opportunity for a considerable or harmful amount of leakage to occur. 30 seconds in and out for a window so Lyra and Will can switch between worlds every six months, right? The problem here is that with every new window cut open by the Subtle Knife, a new specter is drawn from the Abyss. Okay, big problem. I understand.

BUT then Xaphania casually says ‘Go on back to your own worlds. Cut a new window, no problem. Yes, this will create a new specter. We’ll take care of the specters.’ EXCUSE ME? YOU CAN TAKE CARE OF SPECTERS? THEN WHY NOT ALLOW WILL AND LYRA TO LIVE TOGETHER AND SWITCH BETWEEN WORLDS EVERY SIX MONTHS WITH A NEW PORTAL? The Dust leaking in 30 seconds of a window being open is insignificant, by Xaphania’s own admission. And if the angels CAN deal with specters, then why not allow the two to live together and the angels deal with only ONE new specter every six months? Seriously, the way Xaphania talks about the Specters seems like she’s describing cockroaches and she’s the baddest exterminator in the tri-state area. So would it really be an issue if these 2 adorable babies opened up a window every few months to live long fulfilling lives with each other while switching between their worlds to prevent health problems? Even if a Specter went away to another distant world, angels CAN move about between worlds with ease. Will can even tempt these angels with prostitutes (this blog def supports sex workers) and snacks (read next paragraph for elaboration on the Angels’ weaknesses and temptations) Anyway, I call bullshit on this reasoning.

I am EVEN MORE angry when thinking about the fact that Will HIMSELF can kill Specters. He literally DID it during the big battle between Asriel and Metatron’s forces. If his opening a new window creates a new Specter with EACH new window, surely he can kill EACH new Specter? They seem to be shit-scared of his knife anyway, and for GOOD REASON. He could just call a few angels to hold em in place and stab stab boom done that’s that. And do NOT tell me that Angels won’t do it there are literally ‘uncounted billions’ of them and they do seem to like things such as food and the ‘touch of flesh’. Will could just give them access to a few strip clubs or get them Nando’s every now and then for this simple service. WILL COME ON THINK YOU HAVE ANGELS AND A BADASS KNIFE WHY ARE YOU CONCERNED ABOUT SPECTERS??? OPEN A NEW PORTAL WHENEVER YOU NEED AND JUST GET IT OVER WITH QUICKLY TO AVOID LEAKAGE AND REMEMBER TO KILL THE PESKY SPECTER.

Anyway, the heartbreaking farewell at the end of The Amber Spyglass is absolutely unnecessary as my mini-dissertation details. Yes, admittedly this is a children’s book, but the writer DID himself graduate from Oxford and so I do expect him to see this gaping hole in his uber-complex plotline that he himself created. I can only assume that the ending broke thousands of hearts like it did mine twice, when it does not need to at all. It’s even more frustrating when the other parts of the series are really quite well-written. At least for the most part, anyway.

This particular snag could have been avoided ridiculously easily, even if it had taken another whole book. Anyway, from now on my mental version of the canon consists of Lyra and Will both having this realization soon after saying goodbye, and Will a) either goes back right away, b)fixes his Knife if he’s too sad and slow to realize this before breaking it (both follow point 2′s reasoning), or c) convinces an Angel with ANY sense the ridiculousness of their ‘dilemma’ and thereby keeps another window open between his world and Lyra’s (point 1). Or maybe they both realize this before taking any brash steps at all. I mean, they’re both smart af so this is hardly a big leap for either of them. Ok rant done I’m adding tags now I might be embarassed now coz this IS a children’s book and I’m pretty late to the rereading party and I was too young to see this hole when I was nine anyway. Maybe others saw this before me.

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retphienix · 3 years

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Alright, this is gonna be tough because I desperately want to say so much for the game's sake and my own, but it's just so much.

At least the playthrough as a whole exists to show a lot of those things, and there's no shame in some of the impacts the game had for myself going unsaid :)

LONG POST INCOMING, NO 'READ MORE' BECAUSE IT'S RELEVANT TO THE POST AND NOT AN AFTER-THOUGHT

CLICK 'J' ON YOUR KEYBOARD TO SKIP. (Sorry mobile users)

8:48 - Do you have any idea how good a step forward it felt to smash the repressing bulb?

9:50 - So I'll get ahead of myself because this fight shows a lot of the visuals that play into this: Something being the manifestation of guilt for Mari is so incredibly visualized.

Between the base 'Something' being extremely close to the shadow she cast and including the one visible eye that bore down on Sunny and Basil after the hanging, to the stairs incorporating into the design.

The seaweed and spider are more general anxieties though they do circle back to Mari since she saved Sunny, but those two forms don't feel as directly related as the stairs (heights) and base 'Something' forms and what they represent for his repressed guilt.

Could be wrong ;) Tell me what you saw in the forms of 'Something' if you'd like to expand on them :)

12:39 - Just to prove the point before you get to fully see the truth- Something morphs into the figure of Mari hanging. It doesn't fully demonstrate the "eye" aspect yet, but still I just wanted to say kudos on the way 'Something' is shown visually. Formless for a reason, and that form becomes more defined as you understand what it is, exceptional damn thing.

15:43 - Basil's part in all of this makes me so damn sad. Plenty to say later (obviously), but he harbors so much guilt, wants forgiveness so much, and is so (not shown yet) desperate to believe in Sunny's innocence while knowing but not comprehending the truth. The fact he harbors his own 'Something' due to the guilt of all this is heartbreaking, these kids endured a hell no one should. Losing someone so important to you and harboring the guilt and fault of it when nothing of the sort was intended. A childish fight with raised emotions got out of hand and all this came of it.

Hell.

16:30 - I absolutely adore how the photo album is used for this reveal.

Absolutely incredible execution that's specific to this story and its characters and makes piecing (literally) this together tense and grim.

22:27 - I NEVER SPOKE TO OR INTERACTED WITH THE THING IN THE CENTER OF THIS ROOM AND I'M A NORMAL AMOUNT OF UPSET ABOUT THAT >:( lol

29:41 - Okay.

So this reveal as a whole is so unbelievably well paced and incredibly hard hitting.

All game long there's a weight of having lost Mari. Repeatedly it's told that she killed herself and no one can understand why and everyone (MYSELF THE PLAYER INCLUDED) is looking for meaning in little moments, seeking out hints that maybe she was suffering or depressed or this or that.

And while that has gone on FOR THE ENTIRE GAME there has also been this uneasy weight surrounding Sunny/Omori. Visions of Mari twisted and deformed into phantoms of horror.

For the most part I assumed it was just him coping with having lost his sister and maybe a dialogue on how when she was alive he was in her shadow (in his mind) and now that she's gone he remains there?

That was the best I could figure, more or less. But it continued to seem more and more malicious in design and MUCH more 'heavy' in how it's presented as a shadow behind Omori/Sunny throughout his adventure and life.

The weight and 'overshadowed' looks of the scenes felt more and more foreboding and less like a simpler "I'm living in her shadow" story, but I couldn't figure out what it was.

Then these pictures come out and piece things together.

The final result:

Sunny and Mari fighting. (Context appears to be his growing disdain towards playing. It's stated he loved playing, but it's also shown that he begins to dislike how much Mari is dragged away for classes and the like up to and including playing. So my read was that Sunny was upset that their fleeting time together was dedicated to the recital and broke his violin in an emotional blur and the fight occurred.

Alternatively it was accidentally broken and both of their emotions were running high as it happened)

Mari falling to her death.

Sunny and Basil carrying her upstairs and tending to her.

Sunny breaking down as it sinks in.

The visions having Basil say "It's going to be okay" by the bedside. (I perceive that as a memory of what Basil was saying as he tried to manage his emotions during the event)

Sunny and Basil carrying her back downstairs and to the backyard.

The makeshift noose.

And finally the sight that burned itself into Sunny's eyes of her hanging after it was all said and done.

Just holy shit to it all in how it's revealed and handled.

Stories have twists all the time, and I ain't gonna make some bold claim like "Most unpredictable!" "Best twist!" "What a twist!" or whatever, though that'd be funny.

I just want to say this twist worked BEFORE the reveal as a foreboding sense of unease and curiosity- it lent itself to intentionally vague and easily misconstrued explanations, basically- instead of it outright misleading you beyond the characters that believe the lie repeating the lie, it allowed you to mislead yourself.

It did the twist the right way! And well! YOU trick YOURSELF! The people repeating the lie are being lied to or have motivation to repeat the lie! The GAME isn't lying (as so many twists handle it) the game is giving the world reason to mislead and allowing you to be mislead!

Now am I yelling affirmations for the way things SHOULD ALWAYS BE! YES! BUT THAT'S BECAUSE IT'S NOT AS NORMAL AS IT SHOULD BE! lol

31:40 - All the "You will really miss them"s hurt :(

33:25 - Right out the gate, a spoiler for what isn't here:

I looked up the alternate endings of the neutral route and my heart hurts to know Sunny doesn't stick around and Basil dies :(

34:00 - BASIL BEING OVERWHELMED WITH DENIAL AND GUILT AS HE ATTEMPTS TO MENTALLY PROTECT HIS VIEW OF WHO HIS FRIEND IS BY INVENTING A SECOND PARTY THAT DID THIS IS SO FUCKING REAL AND AMAZINGLY DONE.

And it explains the name behind the 'Something'.

'Something' behind you did it. There's 'Something' behind you, isn't there.

'Something' all around us, that potentially being the truth comin' in.

When 'Something' ruined my photos, Basil repressing protecting Sunny by destroying the proof.

Just expertly done.

'Something' being repression of the memory and impending guilt. Dannnng.

36:26 - It's 24 hours after I beat the game as I type all this so here's a gag.

Here's the part where Basil beats some sense into his friend, because after this Sunny gets knocked out and wakes up 200% improved and ready to save Basil from his own guilt by releasing them both from the secret.

So basically Kel dragged us out of bed, then a couple days later Basil beats us up, and that's how Sunny gets better :^) Game Over.

38:46 - This fight made me feel utterly terrible, a highlight being the energy bar saying "Everything is going to be okay".

or at 40:17 - when Basil pokes out Sunny's eye and the screen does this? That's an underutilized but always awesome visual.

41:12 - I THOUGHT I WAS DEAD AT THIS POINT :)

Because just before entering Basil's home on this night you see his Grandma's ghost here. So seeing Sunny here told me "WELL. YOU FUCKED UP!"

42:25 - Like I said, beat some sense into Sunny.

Here's the mental side of things where Basil's beatin' told Sunny to go remember the good times and confront his inner self and I'm being partially facetious because there's plenty to say about what's coming up.

43:15 - Goosebumps every time due to the sincerity and hope of this.

43:40 - Hug for anyone needing that.

51:11 - I could cry again and I just might before this post is done being put together.

This accident was never meant to be.

55:09 - Timestamp is arbitrary, I won't go over every flashback but I do want to say what a beautiful way to use these photos. To relive the memories? To find the strength to overcome and all that? After all these years of suppressing memories? DANNNG I love this game.

1:04:09 - I stepped in poop.

1:04:15 - Barefooted.

1:04:22 - I embraced my failure.

1:12:00 - The violin.

1:13:00 - "The anxious feeling-" "They believed in you" "No matter what you didn't want to disappoint them" I'm filled with love and gonna cry about it.

1:14:00 - So an important theme in the game, as if it has just one, is Sunny suppressing emotions and demonizing himself.

Obviously the ending shows him breaking free from both but I think it's important as hell to look at how he builds up to being able to.

After all the dark moments show him as a bloodied monster, demonstrate a perceived lack of remorse for what he's done (as in he sees himself so poorly that he says "I must not have felt bad about it, I'm a monster", not that he actually doesn't feel bad about it, that he thinks he shouldn't because he's bad), have him stab dream Basil to protect his repression of the memory, the build up to breaking free from that is him remembering the good in him through the lens of his friends.

Both in the real world and in revisiting the memories within the photos.

He hears about the good in himself that he has pretended isn't there and finds the power to overcome this deadened shell he's made.

He learns how to forgive himself by finally remembering he's worthy of forgiveness and is more than his mistake, that even the person he grievously harmed would want him to forgive himself and would understand the mistake didn't define him.

1:15:15 - Just because you did something bad doesn't make you bad, to put it more eloquently than my rambles. He had to learn that.

1:19:20 - I've done this fight 4 times.

You may be wondering why 4 times, it ain't like I replayed the game a ton or anything.

The short of it is:

1) For the good ending :)

2) To see what happens if you go "up" in the hospital- it's a dead end- I assumed it'd be a bad ending. So I got the good ending again :)

3) For the bad ending.

4) FOR THE GOOD ENDING TO WIPE THE HORRIBLE FEELING IN THE PIT OF MY STOMACH AWAY FROM THE BAD ENDING :)

In doing so I did get one layer deeper on the BG of Omori in the fight, here it is:

And I learned on the fourth run that the fight is simpler than I gave it credit lol, Cherish refills your juice, so there is no reason to use Encore. You can get to the end (and deeper more easily) by just using the triple attack and Cherish and Calm down when necessary.

1:29:00 - A summary of the fight is that it's extremely impactful emotionally, but very obviously isn't a "Fun fight". It's great mechanically and story wise for what it's trying to do :)

I'll just say it here: I'm surprised there wasn't an end-game "Omori" fight, you know, in dream world? Because combat is SO good in this. I am lead to believe that the Omori route where you never go outside in the real world has more bosses and zones and would fill what I just implied I wanted- but you're also railroaded into the Neutral endings which are both sad :(

And honestly? That makes sense and I applaud the decision :) Embracing the fantasy world for more 'fights' isn't exactly the path to recovery. Also and I know someone will be bothered I say this because *I'm* bothered I'm saying this- it makes sense since a big predecessor did the same thing lol.

Undertale Genocide has new bosses and a harder end game challenge (Sans) while being the worse ending, while the good ending has a flashy and story/emotionally impactful final fight that isn't as challenging because challenge isn't the point of the morals being explored.

I just bring it up because it's interesting, has a parallel, and after fighting Omori 4 times I really REALLY wanted to do an end-game fight in Dream World.

1:30:00 - forgive me as I cry again. goosebumps and more.

OH NO~!

DRAT!

So I use a cheap video editor and I use the free format of it which limits to 720p and I didn't think twice of it.

I recorded at max, but downgraded after editing.

At 720p you can't see the detail that made me break down crying!

At 1:31:55 Sunny's eyes go wider as he sees Mari as they finally get to experience the duet in this dream state (White Egret Orchid, this is real and happening, I'm taking this to my grave :'( ) he sees her smile and that smile made me break down, but in the 720 it's blurry :(

That's on me, I could have posted the scene raw in HQ but I didn't know it'd compress just enough to be invisible :(

still. that duet scene can make me cry on command. just because of that alone, but also the entire thing.

1:33:42 - Sunny breaks from his shell and feels his emotions again.

1:37:07 - I wish every game would end with a mirror to see yourself.

The 'Despite everything, it's still you' vibe just cements all the growth and experiences that have happened as so much more real when that happens. Bonus points because mirrors in Omori are a time bomb where you can be reminded of the guilt following you- and this one is safe. This one is pure and clean. You did it.

1:37:50 - As I said earlier, going up does nothing. Dead end.

1:39:00 - I have to tell you something.

Simple ending. And yet slams me like two trucks. I'm so proud.

1:41:00 - Post credits scene.

This is so heartwarming and their smiles are the purest thing in the entire world.

1:42:50 - BAD ENDING RECORDING.

All I'll say on that is the bad ending made me feel terrible inside. Give up, live in your bubble, and subconsciously end it all so you never have to confront reality again.

My gut felt heavy to be honest.

And the fact that THAT is when Bo En Time is played is INCREDIBLE.

Having the sky shift like that gave goosebumps and cemented my dread.

Just seeing it now has me feeling very poorly.

Okay. Video done.

Now for general thoughts.

First off this White Space cycle has been going on for YEARS with Sunny only getting worse as he suppresses things more and more and the reason he found the strength to overcome is because of his friends and I'm gonna yell about it.

THE REASON SUNNY IS BREAKING FREE CAN BE DIRECTLY POINTED AT KEL THINKING "FUCK IT, I'M ABOUT TO LOSE A FRIEND, AND I DON'T WANT TO"

And I just think that is sweet as hell. The strength was inside himself, but the problem itself caused Sunny to demonize and not trust himself- he needed someone to break him free and help convince him that he's not irredeemable. And boom.

The way this game handles Denial and even gives it physical form with the 'Something's that both Sunny and Basil harbor is just awesome.

I touched on it but combat in Omori is very, very good.

I've said it here and there as I played and I feel like going at length in the finale post is pointless because this isn't a review but to put it concisely.

Types changing mid-combat, the character archetypes being so well defined, the follow up system, combat in Omori is some top notch turn based RPG stuff.

Like up there with the greats, the timeless masterpieces. This is GOOD fighting. So it was surprising the good ending didn't emphasize it- I explained why that makes sense, but even still! It'd probably be lesser for it (as explained previously) but it's interesting they practiced that restraint for the message they wanted to send.

Repeatin' that Mari's smile in the recital made me cry. Burned in my brain.

I'm still surprised I got the post credits scene because I DID water the plants a lot but when the game showed me them all dead I assumed that was the fail condition.

I genuinely do want to try the Omori route some time down the road. I hope I get around to it.

I am slightly dissuaded just because the Omori route only gets the neutral endings which are not Good To Be Blunt :(

But I want to see what dream content there is and I hear there are other bosses!

Other small bits from my notes:

Replacing denial (the black bulb) with hope (the white bulb) was good as heck.

The imagery of the 'Something' is so top notch- using the shadow of her body combined with the piercing gaze of her single eye- MY GOD.

The fragility of life being so present- between memories of near death experiences, to the way in which Mari dies, to the ease at which either Basil or Sunny can end the game. It's tense and heart-wrenching.

The way the 'Something' behind Sunny almost always shadows over him like an ever present weight.

Tearful, hopeful, pure, kids enduring a guilt metric tons heavier than their bodies could ever handle and finally, finally moving beyond it.

I said more in a personal post, and I'll reblog that.

Honestly, just timestamping through the video took it out of me and got the point across.

Omori is a wonderful game.

It's definitely a favorite for me, high up there on my list.

Between the themes, the gameplay, the humor, the ending.

This is a good one.

And now I get to end having experienced all the care and love in this title, that's such a sweet thing.

Now I know this finale post is a mess, illegible even. I have gotten sloppier as I've begun embracing just 'experiencing and rambling' and perhaps my formatting with change yet again until I find something more easily shared.

Despite that. I want to thank any who popped in on this playthrough.

This was a good one, a highlight of the blog for sure- and I'm always happy when I see some people enjoying the absolute mess I toss online when I do one of these :P

So thank you for your time, and thank you to any ridiculous enough to read my nonsense here.

Have a good one :)

And just as expected I feel I've said nothing and barely touched the surface as the post-game-head of mine does a poor job lol. Even still :P

#RetPlays #Omori #Spoilers

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silver-wield · 4 years

Text

FF7R: Cloud’s hyper vigilance

Since this has come up a few times in the last couple of days I figured I'd stick it all in one place so everyone can see just how differently Cloud behaved pre and post sim cut scene.

Ok, spoiler warning for ppl who haven’t played – do I still need to do this? Eh ok, (I tag FF7R spoilers as final fantasy 7 remake spoilers) and it’s gonna be long.

Also, this is one person’s interpretation of the scene, so if you disagree that’s cool and we’ll agree to disagree.

You’re also gonna have to excuse the janky quality on some of the screens, I’m grabbing them from Youtube and it’s frustrating af trying to get the exact moment I want. Idk why they’re blurry or different sizes this time, so sorry about that and just bear with me.

Please check my master post to see if I've already covered your question, thanx

Let's mosey!

Before Cloud sees the love of his life run through by Sephiroth, he is attentive towards her, which we already knew, but he wasn't overly attentive. He looked to her to make sure she was ok, but he trusted that she'd be ok without him watching her every move.

Cloud turns his head only. Before that he was facing forward and not turned towards Tifa. He looks at her when they're talking, but doesn't move his entire body. Tbf, this is the part where Tifa fell 30+ft and said she thought she'd die for sure, which likely put Cloud in a more attentive state towards her anyway, but after that came the stairs or elevator, so he probably calmed down again. There's no threats between that moment and the sim, so he shouldn't feel the need to become overprotective towards Tifa. Seeing threats everywhere when there aren't any is a very bad sign, so it's a good thing Cloud didn't change after that first event.

Tifa gets stabbed and Cloud's reaction is heartbreaking. He doesn't know it's not real at this point. This is genuine shock and grief. He's failed her. There's no undoing this. The look on his face as he tries to locate Sephiroth is murderous. It morphs into shock when he sees Barret dead, too. He's let them both down.

This is during the talk with Hart before they leave the sim. Cloud was literally just facing Tifa talking to her. He knows she's there. He has no reason to check on her again, other than he's worried what'll happen if he can't see her.

Not even in the office yet. They're in the archive and Tifa's just moved forward to look around and Cloud has turned so they're lined up. He's obviously still shaken by the sim and feels the need to keep her within reach in case she needs saving.

In the office and Cloud again half turns so that he is more in line with Tifa's position. Why does Cloud feel threatened during this point? Because he doesn't know Domino and it could be a trap. Common sense he wants to keep an eye on the person he wants to keep alive.

Things only escalate from this point. The degree by which Cloud turns depends on how stressed/worried he is at that point. He doesn't know Hart or Domino, but he's less threatened than in later locations, so doesn't feel as much pressure to keep Tifa within arm's reach, which explains why the degree he turns by is less than other times.

During the atrium section, Cloud seems to relax a little. The threat reduces for him and he begins to lower his hyper vigilance towards Tifa. The sim event seems like he was overreacting maybe and he doesn't have to keep as close an eye on her. It was all just messing with his head and he needs to focus. Soldier Cloud gets him back on mission.

But that's when he suffers a different kind of stressful event that pushes him to a breaking point and he cries.

Cloud's stress levels begin rising again with the introduction of Hojo to the mix. He withdraws into himself, but even then he keeps some of his focus on Tifa's position. We can see here he is turned towards her, which accomplishes two goals. He's made himself a smaller target for Hojo, but also he can leap towards Tifa more easily if something happens.

It's during this event that Cloud has given up his position as leader. Barret takes control of the dialogue and later during the drum he gives Cloud orders, which are followed without argument. Cloud is doing the bare minimum needed to interact with people. He's focused on his goals. Protect Tifa. Save Aerith. Anything else is getting ignored.

Aerith's room after Cloud's collapse and you can see he's lined up with Tifa again, while talking to Aerith. It's even more obvious in the close up before this, but since Tifa wasn't visible I chose the longer shot because Cloud doesn't move from that shot to this and I'm not in the mood to deal with anyone trying to say I'm imagining things. I'm not.

This is even more obvious. Cloud is standing behind Tifa, lined up with her. On purpose. He moved to this position before we got control of him back. He's just gone through a very stressful event with the Jenova thing and he's not in a good head space in general. Focusing on Tifa may well be a comfort thing for him as well. If he focuses on her then he doesn't have to think about himself.

After reuniting with the girls and checking in with them, Cloud reorients his body to Tifa's position. The drum is one massive threat and Cloud's living through his nightmares with the medical room and the experiments. The last thing he wants is for something to happen to Tifa under his nose.

Right after the above screen we see he's once again lined up with her position before control comes back to us.

Lined up with Tifa's position again. I really don't have much else to say about this. It's all highlighting Cloud's anxiety after seeing her die in front of him. If he keeps her in line with himself then he can save her.

And again, Cloud turns to where Tifa is. There's other people around, but he's only speaking to her. Only looking at her. She is his priority at this point. The others are along for the ride.

Now, I'm sure someone will try and point out that she's the one driving the truck, but that doesn't explain why he's only talking to her and doesn't include the others. He was facing front until a moment before he spoke. He could've raised his voice to include everyone in a general “let's go” way, but he chose to turn to Tifa and speak to her exclusively.

And turns to her again. This is actually the third time he turns to check on her position, but the times before that were glances back because the threat was in front of them (Sephiroth). He didn't need to turn and check on her because he was already in the ideal position to save her.

After the arbiter battle, when they're in that between place which has something to do with CC with its sky and water imagery, we see Tifa walk into Cloud's peripheral vision and him turn towards her to check she's ok. He only turns away when he asks Aerith a question.

Last scene of the game and even though Cloud is talking to the others and his head is turned towards them, his body is lined up exactly with Tifa's position.

In conclusion.

I know some of yall are gonna be awww he loves her so much he can't bear to let her out of his sight. Yeah, ok, you're right, but at the same time, Cloud is very anxious. He's become that worried about Tifa's safety that he can't help but keep her in view at all times. The only time he's not focused on her is when there's an actual threat he needs to deal with because then he knows where the problem is and how to take care of it. It's during those moments between threats that he's become hyper vigilant towards her, even more than he was before he thought she died.

Before the sim, he was attentive, but trusted she could deal with most problems. He figured either she could handle it or he'd get there in time.

After the sim, he still trusts her, but he doesn't trust himself to keep her safe, which is why he's become even more watchful towards her.

I’m guessing this is gonna go towards his eroding sense of identity through the rest of the game until he shatters and we get the lifestream event where Tifa puts him back together again.

#final fantasy 7 remake spoilers #final fantasy 7 remake analysis #character analysis #Cloud strife #hyper vigilance #cloti

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marril96 · 5 years

Text

Absence

Pairing: Rowena x reader

Summary: Whilst taking care of Rowena, reader engages her in a talk about the day's events and Jack's descent into madness.

Editor: @oswinthestrange

Rowena claimed she was fine.

You would have believed her, if not for the large, purple bruise covering her thigh, side, and upper arm.

Being supernaturally thrown into a wall tended to do that to a person.

Getting her to lie down was one of the most difficult things you'd had to do lately, second only to that spell you'd cast two weeks ago that had, while working perfectly, almost set the house on fire. Rowena had been proud. There had been tears and unpleasant memories and a particularly bad nightmare later that night, but she'd been proud.

You had to threaten to drag her to bed and force her into it, with magic if you had to, for her to finally roll her eyes, sigh, stalk to the bedroom (with your help, which you'd also provided against her will. Despite what she said, leaning heavily on one side and panting wasn't the walk of someone who was simply tired after an eventful day), all the while stabbing her heels down like a pissed off, stomping bunny rabbit, and lay down.

Then you removed her jacket and shirt and the full extent of her not-fineness hit you like a punch straight to the gut, a strong one that drained all the air from your guts and made you struggle to breathe amidst a sea of searing pain.

Yes, she was naturally pale, and yes, she somewhat easily bruised, and it might as well have looked worse that it was, but it was still a rather sizable injury and you couldn't just let it go. Not even when she pouted and, when that didn't work, scrunched her face. Cuteness couldn't get her out of this one.

"Seriously, Y/N, I'm fine," Rowena said for what must have been the hundredth time. She was annoyed, but there was no drive behind it, no anger that used to accompany that tone years back when you were nothing more than a pawn to her, an apprentice who cared way too much about someone who didn't give a damn about her.

It ended up paying off. You were the first person she'd come to trust in centuries, all because you'd found it in your heart to care, to give her a chance, to see the person behind the iron-forged mask.

"Rowena, please," you said, also for the hundredth time, running out of patience. You loved the woman, but she could be difficult to handle. Worse than a child who refused to go to the dentist when their tooth ached.

Thinking about it, you'd gotten her into bed the same way you'd get a stubborn child to the dentist — by threats and force.

You set a cup of tea and a mug of healing potion on the bedside table, both steaming, filling the room with pleasant smells that reminded you of spring. "Let these cool off a bit," you instructed. Not that it was necessary; she knew the potion by heart, and she damn well knew how she best liked her tea. Still, a bit of precaution never hurt.

"You worry too much," Rowena said, sighing in defeat. There was no use fighting you when you were in full-on mama hen mode, and she knew it. "I've been thrown into things countless times before. Always got over it."

Ah, the been-there-done-that argument. One of her favorite ones. You fixed her with a look. "Is it so bad I wanna take care of you this time? You're not alone anymore, y'know. You don't have to walk it off and act like it's nothing."

"That's not…"

Whatever she'd intended to say died down in an exhale. She knew you were right. Just as you'd been right all those times before, when she was kicked, punched, thrown around, blasted with magic… You name it, she'd gone through it, and she'd insisted she was fine every single time. A nasty and rather heartbreaking habit you refused to indulge.

She closed her eyes for a short moment, and when she opened them again all defiance was gone as if it had never been there. "I'm not trying to come across as ungrateful."

"I know," you assured her, squeezing her hand. The corners of your mouth curled up in a smile. "You're just a stubborn wee thing."

"I am not wee!" Rowena said indignantly.

You raised an eyebrow, prompting her to roll her eyes in that way that was too dramatic to be genuine.

"You're the wee-est wee that ever wee-ed," you teased.

She smacked your hand playfully. "Shut up!"

You grinned. Then, face growing serious, you asked her the question you'd been meaning to ask since the moment she'd been thrown back into the house, "Did he hurt you?"

Jack Kline was a puppy who, a month ago, you would have sworn could never hurt a fly, let alone Rowena. Despite a rocky start, the two had grown close rather fast, developing a relationship akin that of an aunt and a nephew. But, despite his outward innocence, Jack was still a nephilim, and, as of recently, a soulless one at that. He'd killed Mary Winchester, the woman who'd, as you'd heard, been like a grandmother to him; it was an accident, but he still did it. He was scared, alone, and desperate. There was no telling what someone in that state might do.

"No," Rowena said with a shake of her head. "Jack was… scared. He desperately wanted to fix what he'd done. It was irrational, and yes, I was scared, but I sensed nothing malicious from the boy. There was just desperation. He's lacking a soul, but he still has the good that's been instilled in him. His morals, and lack thereof, are at war with each other. He doesn't know what he's doing, the poor dear. I think-I think he knows he has to do something, or thinks so at least, so he's doing everything he can think of without considering the consequences. It's tragic, really."

Tragic was the perfect way to describe it. Horrible. Heartbreaking. You'd only met the nephilim a few times, but you'd developed a certain fondness for him. Despite his looks, he was still a child. A cheerful little two-year old who greeted everyone with smiles and loved candy. A boy who accepted Rowena into his life right away, without a single strain of judgment. Who asked you questions about your relationship, and laughed when you told him of all the ways you messed with your girlfriend. Who never once thought of either you or Rowena differently for being witches, never looked at you as anything other than people.

He was too good to last. People like that always were.

"Is there a way to fix him?" you asked.

Rowena shook her head. "Unless the Winchesters come across a miracle, Jack is too far gone. There is no telling what he will do next."

"He's dangerous?" you asked, though you knew the answer before the words even left your mouth.

"Very."

"Well, that sucks."

Rowena chuckled. "That's one way to put it."

"I liked him," you said sadly.

"Me, too, dear," she said, clasping her hand over yours. A small gesture of comfort that warmed your heart. "He was a sweet boy. It's a shame it had to end like this."

"Think we're in danger?" you asked. "If-if he snaps."

"I'm not sure," she replied honestly. "I wouldn't think he'd target us specifically, but at this stage, he's unpredictable."

Great. Just what you needed. Another angelic being potentially going after the two of you. Like father, like son, you supposed.

"We should renew the warding, just to be sure," you said. Rowena nodded her agreement. "Tomorrow after breakfast, if you're well?"

"I will be," she said firmly.

Great. It was a plan.

"How you feeling now?"

"Good. It genuinely doesn't hurt." She tried to raise up to sit, and her face instantly contorted with pain, forcing her to remain lying down. "Unless I move, apparently," she said bitterly.

"Then don't move," you told her. "Stay there like a good girl."

She smirked, teasing, naughty. "What if I'm a bad girl?"

"There are spells to help with that," you said flatly.

Rowena pouted. "You're no fun."

"Not when it comes to your health." You pecked her on her puckered lips. "Healing now, sexy times later."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

"Will you at least stay with me?" she asked, not too happy with the arrangement. "I've nothing to do. It gets awfully dull here when I'm alone."

"I'm not going anywhere," you assured her. "Wanna do anything in particular?"

Rowena's face betrayed that there was, in fact, an activity she'd very much love to engage in, but you'd already agreed to put it on hold until she was better. So, instead, she said, "Just be here."

"You got it." You could read, or play games on your phone, or watch a movie. Or, if that got boring, mess with Rowena. Annoying her could be quite fun. "Let me know if you need anything."

"I will, dear."

Maybe you could force her to watch Sharktopus. Or would that be cruel and unusual punishment?

Whatever the two of you ended up doing, what was most important was that you were together, safe from raging nephilims and desperate hunters begging for help.

Tags: @werewolfbarbie @oswinthestrange @songofthecagedmoose @apurdyfulmind @getthesalt-sam @metallihca @salembitchtrials @jay-eris @hellsmother @elizabeth-effie @victoriasagittariablack @rowenaswife @dropsofpetrichor @xfireandsin @liddell-alien @hotdiggitydammit @thai-inette @darkhumorsblog @wayward-kaia @angel7376 @rowenaisfabulous @ruthieconnells @evil-regal-vampiress @collectorofsecretsandsouls @angel-e-v-a

#rowena #rowena macleod #rowena x reader #spn #supernatural #spn family #my fics #absence #fanfiction

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marshmallowgoop · 5 years

Note

do you have any SatsuRyu head canons~? Or even some with just Satsuki herself? Thx!

Well, I headcanon Satsuki and Ryuko’s relationship as never being anything other than platonic, but I certainly have headcanons about them as sisters and friends.

✄ Ryuko’s a sweet girl under the angry exterior, but she’s slow to open up to others. Judging by Ryuko’s failed (but utterly adorable) attempt at calling Satsuki “Sis” in episode 22, it’s clear that she wants to be close to Satsuki, but she struggles. Like the disc art for volume 8 of the series suggests, Ryuko might need a little push to really start to connect with her sister.

✄ Satsuki, meanwhile, has little trouble opening up to Ryuko. She’s spent her whole life pretending to be this cruel, cold, heartless dictator—largely for Ryuko’s sake! It must be such a relief to finally, finally reveal the truth, especially when I’d argue that Satsuki did sincerely care about Ryuko even before knowing about their blood relation. To harbor such genuine concern for a person but feel too unsafe to express it must be absolutely suffocating. It’s really no wonder that Satsuki bares her entire heart to Ryuko in the end, when she’s finally freed from her own lies.

✄ On a similar note, though the blatancy of Satsuki’s hurt feelings was ultimately discarded in the final cut, I do believe that Satsuki is saddened by how Ryuko struggles to express herself to her. To have devoted so much of your life to fighting for someone, only to unwittingly manipulate and turn them against you… it’s the definition of tragedy. There’s no way it doesn’t sting when the sister you’ve loved for so long can’t even call you “Sis.”

✄ I also feel that Satsuki has to work through some of her own biases when it comes to Ryuko, though. For just about as long as she can remember, Satsuki has known Life Fibers only as evil, despicable creatures. She flat-out calls Ragyo a “monster” in episode 18… and cites the fact that Ragyo can be stabbed in the heart and perfectly okay for it as justification for that title:

Satsuki: I’ll use any means necessary to defeat a monster like you!

Ragyo: You call your own mother a monster?

Satsuki: A woman who is unfazed by being stabbed through the heart shouldn’t be saying that.

But… Ryuko can be stabbed through the heart and perfectly okay for it, too. Though Satsuki of course understands that her sister is nothing like Ragyo, the ugly truth is that prejudice doesn’t just go away that easily. No matter how much Satsuki might dislike it about herself, seeing Ryuko’s superhuman healing abilities must bother her and remind her of her mother—and I’m sure that Ryuko senses this. I think both sisters will have to spend a lot of time working through their feelings, especially since there’s no way Satsuki could know about Ryuko’s heartbreaking desperation to prove to herself that she’s still human upon realizing the truth of her birth. Ryuko was taken advantage of by Ragyo and Junketsu precisely because she’s so afraid of being the monster that Satsuki describes, and I definitely think that’s something she and Satsuki need to discuss.

✄It’s probably fair to say that Satsuki warms up to Ryuko much more quickly than Ryuko warms up to Satsuki, but Ryuko certainly trusts Satsuki sooner. Even if Satsuki totally pisses Ryuko off initially, Ryuko shows in episode 15 that she trusts Satsuki to be true to her word:

Ryuko: The Satsuki Kiryuin I know isn’t so petty a woman that she’d change an order she’d given just because she got her sword back.

Especially after Ryuko learns that Satsuki didn’t kill her father, I feel like Ryuko has at least an unconscious sense that Satsuki’s not as villainous as she might appear. In contrast, Satsuki is extremely hesitant to trust or believe in Ryuko until the Reveal, at which point they have a very mutually respectful, trusting relationship.

✄ Maybe related: comments that praise the idea of Ryuko and Satsuki as a romantic pairing but absolutely mock and deride the prospect of a romance between Ryuko and Senketsu have always baffled me. Satsuki and Senketsu are actually quite alike! The dynamic both characters have with Ryuko is remarkably similar!

Like Senketsu, Satsuki is the cool, level-headed “Blue Oni” to Ryuko’s fiery, reckless “Red Oni.” Like Senketsu, Satsuki’s relationship with Ryuko is one that comes to be clearly defined as being between two equals who have mutual respect for each other. Like Senketsu, Satsuki helps Ryuko become stronger, but she—also like Senketsu—grows and learns and changes from knowing Ryuko, too. Like Senketsu, Satsuki never idolizes or puts Ryuko up on a pedestal as Mako can veer into, and similarly, Ryuko never does the same for either Senketsu or Satsuki—something that is perhaps especially notable when it comes to Satsuki, since Satsuki’s Elite Four (and particularly Ira) tend to treat her as something greater than human. Like Senketsu, Ryuko fully trusts Satsuki as a battle partner once they finally work together, and, like Senketsu, Satsuki certainly worries about Ryuko, but she also wholly believes and has faith in her sister in the end.

I mean, c’mon, Senketsu and Satsuki are so in sync that Satsuki’s the only one besides Ryuko who actually gets to talk to him in the anime!

Needless to say, I greatly disagree with the ridiculing of Ryuko/Senketsu fans for being uncomfortable with the incest in a Ryuko/Satsuki romance because Senketsu is allegedly Ryuko’s “cloth father.” Senketsu is as much of a parental figure to Ryuko as Satsuki is—not at all. The relationships between Ryuko and Satsuki and Ryuko and Senketsu are both immensely crucial to Kill la Kill, and they’re also both ultimately emphasized to be respectful relationships among equals and peers.

✄ Maybe on a similar vein, Ryuko would be just as protective over Satsuki as Satsuki is over her! Ryuko is a highly protective person, and there’s absolutely no way she wouldn’t be protective over her older sister.

✄As for headcanons about Satsuki herself, I’ll keep this post from getting too terribly long and just point to some I already wrote a while back:

Now, I 1000% see Satsuki as the studious type. When it’s canon that she has the highest grades in Honnouji Academy, I can completely see her as the kind of girl who spends practically all of her free time with her nose in a book, just trying to understand and learn everything she can.

Before and during the events of the series, I’d also imagine that Satsuki devotes an incredible amount of time to learning combat. She’d probably read on the subject and train with sword masters to the point of total exhaustion. While I’m sure that Satsuki has a boatload of natural talents and skills, given how alarmingly prepared she is for everything, I figure she’d still go completely overboard in her training and studies. While it’s a sad comparison, I could see her as being a bit like Azula from Avatar: The Last Airbender: immensely talented but still hard working and utterly determined to not let even a single hair be out of place.

The light novel reveals that Satsuki used to be a happy and bubbly girl before her father literally put the entire world on her shoulders and abandoned her, so as a child, I’d imagine that Satsuki would partake in more… light-hearted hobbies. Maybe she’d beg her dad to read fairytales to her or make her own clothes for her dolls. In fact, Shiro is playing with a string doll he made himself when he meets Satsuki, and when Soroi introduced Shiro to Satsuki in the first place so that she could have someone to play with, I don’t think it’s too outlandish to consider that they played with dolls together as kids. At least a little bit!

Plus, when Soichiro/Isshin clearly has some sewing and crafting skills—he made Senketsu and the Scissor Blades, after all—I could imagine these father-daughter projects where Satsuki and her dad would make things together. Maybe Soichiro would even nerd out about science with her! And unlike Ryuko, who’s not exactly the most studious and doesn’t really seem to have an interest in science, I could definitely see Satsuki being inspired by it.

After the events of the series, I’d like to think that Satsuki would finally be able to relax and return to doing what she loved as a child, such as reading stories just for fun and pleasure. Like with Ryuko, Sushio has also drawn fanart of Satsuki seemingly doing just that:

[Source]

✄If you’re looking for more writing on Satsuki, I can also point to these posts of mine, too:

Character Meme: Satsuki

Deliberate Choice to Be Cruel?, Did Satsuki Manipulate Uzu into Blinding Himself?, More, Satsuki’s Influence on Uzu, Satsuki Can’t Be Soft

Episode 20 Cut Lines: “Please, wear me.”

Episode 21: “Don’t hold back!”

Episode 22: Satsuki’s Realization

Episode 23: “All you can do is go keep your little sister from being lonely.”

How Would Satsuki React to Ryuko Being Her Sister Before Episode 18?

Satsuki: Admitting Wrong

Satsuki and Junketsu: Not a “Relationship”

Satsuki and Senketsu: Friendship that Should Have Been

Satsuki Calling Ryuko “Ryuko”

Satsuki Entrusting Ryuko with Bakuzan

Satsuki: “I can’t get through…”

#Anonymous #kill la kill #satsuki kiryuin #ryuko matoi #senketsu #replies #ramblings #gifs i made #long post #incest mention #spoilers #klk spoilers

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snootysith · 5 years

Text

Hierarchy of Tunon’s Court

Note: I wanted to take a stab at worldbuilding in Tyranny and figured I’d start at home, so to speak. Everything here is a patchwork of canon and headcanons and reflects the universe that my Fatebinder, Ru, wanders around in. It’s by no means definitive. I’ll probably add or alter something I hadn’t considered later.

Ever since Tunon the Adjudicator established his Court of Fatebinders two hundred years ago, his wards have cultivated their own little community behind the walls of the Palace of Justice. Unsurprisingly, Tunon's influence can be felt in every social rule, behavior, and expectation.

To be Tunon’s ward is to live in a state of near constant vigilance... which makes keeping attachments somewhat difficult. Relationships aren’t impossible though. It’s almost inevitable that wards will form bonds of family, friendship, or romance living in a communal space together— but there is an underlying fear and risk involved that compels some to put their fellow wards at arm’s reach and save themselves the trouble of heartbreak. If they lose sight of their duties, no amount of affection will save anyone from Tunon's judgment.

Everyone has a role to play and the responsibility to honor their Archon and Overlord through their actions.

Appearances are everything.

TUNON THE ADJUDICATOR

The Archon of Justice and creator of the Fatebinders. Eldest of the Archons in service to Kyros, he has served the Overlord for over 400 years. Tunon's principal concern is the implementation of Kyros' Law and execution of justice. To this end, he fashioned the Face of Judgment, a metal mask that he wears during judgments to eliminate any outward appearance of bias. Over the years, he became a living incarnation of justice, cold, dispassionate, and as fair as humanly possible. As such, he outranks the other Archons and is empowered to judge them and settle disputes that arise.

BLEDEN MARK

The Archon of Shadows and Kyros' executioner tasked with ending the lives of those Kyros deems dangerous. There is no army that marches behind him, no city hails him as ruler, and no great monument that boasts his name. While the other Archons surround themselves with human trappings, he is cloaked solely in shadow. Though he owes allegiance to Kyros, he is often used to carry out Tunon’s judgments as his blade and headsman. Mark is primarily dispatched for high profile or exceptional cases but occasionally, he leverages his skills to train promising Initiates— though few survive his wholly-immersive survival classes with both their limbs and lives intact.

EXECUTIVE FATEBINDERS

⟶ Fatebinder of War - Fatebinder of Balance - Fatebinder of Peace

As of 431 TR, these roles currently belong to the corresponding Fatebinders: Nunoval, Calio, and Rhogalus.

They are the pinnacle of all Fatebinders and well-known faces of the court outside of the Adjudicator himself. Their duties are many and varied but broadly speaking, these three manage court cases on a day-to-day basis— advising Tunon on pending matters, ensuring compliance with rules, policies or guidelines, preparing court orders and notices, taking custody of evidence, making arrangements for security, and explaining procedural and jurisdictional issues to interested parties.

Curry enough favor with them and they might even divulge a bit of court history and their own personalities. Each of them supervises three different domains that regulate court operations (see below).

FATEBINDERS

Judges and executioners of Kyros’ Law, they act under the watchful eye of Tunon the Adjudicator as they resolve disputes that arise between different factions across Terratus. They decide whose actions are best in line with Kyros’ Law, mediate where they can, and order punishments and executions where required. Any citizen in the empire can appeal to a Fatebinder for judgment but doing so is dangerous, as a Fatebinder’s judgments cannot be appealed and some deal harshly with those who bother them for trivial complaints.

Fatebinders commonly dabble in many skill sets depending on their personal interest and the context of their duties but there are instances of Fatebinders specializing in a single field (barring executive Fatebinders), such as the Fatebinder of Lore who researches traditions and beliefs or the Fatebinders of Tribute who deal with the finicky nuances of taxes and quotas.

With enough years of experience and good conduct, a Fatebinder may be installed in another Archon's territory as district judges or governors to extend and uphold the influence of the law beyond Tunon's purview. All must be held accountable and no one is free from Kyros' judgment.

COURT OPERATIONS

⟶ Scholars

Tunon’s judicial administration. Overseen by the Fatebinder of Peace, scholars are the beating bureaucratic heart of the court that contend with paper trails stretching across Terratus. They are the largest of the three groups for good reason. Minutes of all court cases must be recorded, missives, evidence, forms, and daily schedules must be managed and processed, the Archives must be maintained, and every stone must be turned in pursuit of knowledge and truth. Their function isn't terribly glamorous compared to their counterparts but they play a pivotal role in improving the quality of court life.

⟶ Enforcers

Tunon's civil police force. Overseen by the Fatebinder of War, enforcers maintain public order wherever Tunon's seat of power resides. They are the second largest of the three groups and most commonly seen in the populace patrolling streets, keeping down rabble in court, guarding and interrogating prisoners, and protecting loyal citizens and public property. While their limited numbers do not qualify them as an army, Tunon's authority combined with their heavy combat skills make them a formidable foe for those who threaten the peace.

⟶ Agents

Tunon's secret police force. Overseen by the Fatebinder of Balance, agents keep eyes and ears in places most susceptible to corruption-- inside and outside the Palace of Justice. Comprised of spies, assassins, saboteurs, and scouts, they exist to mitigate damage, investigate claims, collect sensitive intelligence, and dispatch potential threats that are beneath Bleden Mark's concern. Their responsibilities often involve toeing the line of Kyros' Law and one misstep can be enough for the hammer of justice to turn on them.

INITIATES

Since Tunon accepts candidates from a wide range of backgrounds, Initiates make up the bulk of his charges. The minimum age requirement for initiation is fifteen-years-old. All candidates who haven’t yet sworn fealty to the Adjudicator must do so before they can pursue initiation. This is quite deliberate as those who do succeed strengthen Tunon's powerbase and those who do not no longer have the option to leave. They can either improve or become a servant. Either way serves Tunon's interests. He dislikes squandering any potential assets, however small, as all must fulfill a function in his court. Anyone caught subverting the system, whether in cheating a test or murdering a rival, face harsh penalties. By the end of initiation, their numbers rapidly decline as trials and tribulations separate wheat from chaff.

Failing the final trials isn't grounds for immediate demotion but in retaking them, the bar is significantly raised each time. Those who do pass their final trials with satisfactory grades are relegated to a domain in court operations depending on their how high their score and which subjects they scored best in— all the better to utilize their strengths. In order to qualify as a Fatebinder, high marks are expected across the board and Tunon has the final word in the matter.

PAGES

Any of Tunon's wards between the age of five and fifteen is designated a “court page”. Those younger than five-years-old have no official title yet. Children born in the court automatically belong to the court and undergo due process as any other young ward would. From time to time a guilty party will promise their child, unborn or otherwise, in favor of a lighter sentence and often Tunon will accept. He has also been known to select children with especially great potential from all corners of Terratus.

Being so much easier to shape to Kyros' great design, every child brought into his vassalage is an investment and are more inclined to obedience and loyalty as they grow up. There are always exceptions, but the rigor of court life and the perks of success and cooperation tend to be enough motivation. In the rare event that a page still refuses to yield and a Fatebinder cannot resolve the issue, Tunon personally intervenes. To date, he has never failed to bring one to heel though some privately claim any unruly page comes away a different person altogether.

Pages are usually confined to the Palace of Justice but on rare occasions, Tunon will permit them to explore outside (with a Fatebinder acting as chaperon). Pages who reach the age of majority (15) qualify for initiation and while their upbringing gives them a leg up over most, this does not lend them any measure of favoritism. If anything, the court holds them to a higher standard.

SERVANTS

Slaves in all but name. “Servants” is the “polite” word to use in Tunon’s oh-so “civilized” courtroom. Nearly all Archons in Kyros' vassalage keep them on hand to perform menial or undesirable tasks and Tunon is no different. Compared to the likes of the Voices of Nerat or Graven Ashe, Tunon's servants live more comfortable lives and need not fear abuse but a benevolent slave owner is still a slave owner all the same and there are no illusions that others consider them easily disposable. Indeed, more often than not, court wards barely pay them any attention and the Fatebinder of Balance takes advantage of the fact, keeping informants among the servants who report back any sign of wrongdoing.

Most servants are scooped up from conquered territories but some willingly enter servitude, chief among them being failed Initiates who see it as a ticket to a stable life— a full belly, a roof overhead, and some measure of protection living in close proximity to the court— or who are disinterested in or unable to endure a high stakes/high stress lifestyle.

MISC. INFO

These roles are by no means rigid. A court ward in one domain may find that their duties overlap with a different domain and when this occurs, cooperation among fellow wards is ideal in order to work effectively. This, however, sometimes works better in theory than practice.

A court ward's combat proficiency is not always indicative of their role. That is to say, those whose skills align with rogues can be found tottering in the Archives as scholars just as much as any mage can be a strongarm enforcer or any warrior can be an agent.

Any court ward who falls out of Tunon's good graces (but have not committed an egregious crime) may find themselves stripped of titles and demoted to the rank of servant.

The Fatebinder of Balance has the unique role of being a Fatebinder of Fatebinders, sharing with Tunon the ability to pass judgment on Fatebinders who may have overstepped their station.

An Initiate's final trials measure proficiency of skills including, but not limited to, recollection and understanding of Kyros' Law, literacy, combat, spellcraft, and conflict resolution.

Scholars play a major role in a page's education, laying down a framework for basic subjects that gradually ease into an introduction to initiation. Well-behaved pages earn basic combat training— with wooden weapons, of course.

#tyranny game #tyranny #tunon the adjudicator #fatebinder #obsidian entertainment #bleden mark #worldbuilding #the next worldbuilding installment i'm working on is about the palace of justice itself #let it be known that ru graduated into a fatebinder by the skin of his teeth #he would have ended up an agent if he hadn't pushed hard for tunon to reconsider his essay because he 'wasn't wrong per say'#tunon acquiesced three bonus points to him and the rest was history #long post

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firebirdsdaughter · 5 years

Text

Heh heh, whoops…

… Realised I forgot to do a Ryusoulger Raw post.

So… Y’all get to hear my initial reactions to the subbed version! Yay! XD

Let’s a-go!

In no particular order and w/ many typos:

Naohisa peeling the banana for Ui bc she’s so busy staring. XD Ui, I know Asuna is beautiful, and the boys, too, but please remember to eat?

Well, that’s either really convenient, or Naohisa knows more than he’s letting on. This is Sentai. It could be either.

Aw, poor Melto. Come here, I’ll give you a hug. ^^ Sometimes I’m a good mother.

I think I already waxed about why I love the way Banba immediately, like, flies to this guy’s side in the tags of Ryuu’s gifset, but it still holds. Believes he can’t trust people and that kindness is weakness, but still can’t stop himself. I am really hoping for an episode/something way down the line where he has a ‘I would have turned into a monster w/out Touwa and the rest of you’ moment. Might just write one myself, eventually. ^^

And the coincidence, one of the true heroes of Toku, saving the day is also still hilarious. Like, if Banba had been one block over.

Why was he even on this street to begin w/?

Why is Touwa here? I find it hard to believe Banba would at all be interested.

No, actually, I know why. Bc plot.

Aw, he came bc he loves you two and is constantly anxious. Melto is absolutely the type of person who is afraid to let the people he loves out of his sight bc what if they didn’t look both ways before crossing the street and got hit by a truck???? And I doubt Biker Dad’s death helped that at all. Kou and Asuna are all he’s got left of his ‘family’ and he’s secretly terrified of losing them, too. Hey, Melto, I think I just got an idea for an angst tidbit for you, and I’m really sorry.

Aaaaand the youngest brothers are at it again. XD Dorks.

My ‘age’ order for this family is Naohisa, Banba, Melto, Asuna, Kou, Touwa and Ui. Age in quotes bc obviously the canon ages are completely wild. But I think I’ve done the fam break down before, so I won’t go into it again. ^^

I mean, gotta hand it to Wyzul. It’s a situation where acting blatantly weird and out of place works. Like, it’s a legit acting job. People in special events/games. Ren fairs. Yes, he’s acting really evil and suspicious, but that’s easily explainable as that being the character. Another pretty good plan. Very Sentai, but actually a good plan.

OH GOD NO! IT’S A MIMIC! DX

I don’t actually play Dark Souls, but…

Okay, but I wouldn’t be getting too comfy, yet. You’re missing one, and he happens to be the most stab-happy out of all of them. Like, I’m sorry, but as a villain, I would be celebrating while Banba was unaccounted for. I’d be checking the back stairwell.

This confirms that the chibis are merely going in colour order and have no bearing on the focus character.

Mother¡Melto makes another appearance, in a small way. ^^

I don’t know, Asuna. Given that none of you remember how you got here, I think it’s very valid of Melto to fear this was a Druidon trap.

Kou takes a moment to look majestic. XD HAve you been taking lessons from Banba? ^^

This is so obviously suspicious. Like. It’s obviously magic. Touwa and Asuna win the doofus award this ep. At least Kou figured it out eventually.

Touwa is the super winner of the award, though. Asuna had the sense to snap to it when told there were Druidon. XD

Honestly, she probably needs the protein and calories. Her super strength might mean she burns through energy faster than other people.

Actually, I dunno if that makes sense.

Mother¡Melto again. XD ‘Don’t eat mystery meat!’ is kind of like he’s telling her not to take food from strangers…

Yup, Touwa’s a dumb. ^^ I love how in the character blog, Yuito was like ‘he would have gotten scolded if his brother was there.’ XD Probably one of the reasons they didn’t want Banba in Wonderland w/ them. A) he would have snapped Touwa out of it too soon, and B) given how the chests open in their own, they didn’t want to reveal too much about his past, I guess? Though I wish they would tell us at least a little more. Keep it slow, absolutely, but I’m hoping for some more concrete hints soon.

A for effort, Melto. You tried.

Also, oh, Kou. ^^ Cutie. So it is limited—bc they had to stay trapped in the ‘box,’ it couldn’t actually grant Kou’s wish. But it sure tried. Kinda like w/ that Yummy that was destroying people’s dreams when it tried to attack Eiji, and the world came out of his mind.

Aw, he’s fine. The boy is durable. ^^

Kou, now is the time when you assume this is not the real world, you dork. XD

Aw, did Banba help clean up? Actually, there’s no indication if he did or not, but it’s sweet to think he did. ^^

I mean, he’s got a point. It could have a backlash. My recommendation would be to poke it first. Though since Kou crashed into it before, it’d probably just be impervious…

Oh, don’t remind him of that, that was (obviously unintentionally) kinda insensitive of her… Well, it did say that she sometimes has a habit of saying the wrong thing/speaking so bluntly she has trouble communicating… We haven’t really seen that yet, but I think it’s kind of coming into play here, since Melto’s bio, and this ep, establish that Melto is self conscious and doubts himself in comparison to the others… So that probably hurt him a lot more than she intended it too.

But bc he’s Melto, he didn’t communicate that, so she had no way of knowing and no chance to reassure him she didn’t mean it that way.

God, Banba’s got a compulsive apologising streak, Melto has an inferiority complex, neither likes admitting hurt/weakness, esp to people they care about… And then there’s Asuna being too blunt and saying thing w/out thinking, Kou and Touwa are probably in the ‘bottle things up’ boat, too, just of the Stepford Smiler/Snarker variety… Any more of my quirks you’d like to spread out amongst the team, Toei? Like, maybe Gold is constantly terrified he’s bothering everyone?

Sorry (exhibit A XD) that got a little nonsensical. Right now it’s mainly Banba, Melto, and Asuna who are exhibiting some of my habits (apologising [for ex. rather than thanking someone], a slight inferiority complex compared to more “successful” friends, an in ability to read social cues and saying things w/out thinking).

And I love them for it. DX Really gotta write more Melto now!

Aaaaaaaaand… Now I’m crying all over again. DX I mean, hi Biker Dad and all, but poor Melto… TT^TT

This poor baby… DX Like, you can tell that for a fraction of a second, he’s almost like ‘oh my god, you’re alive?!?!?’ And… Then the memory hits him. DX

And then he promptly logics himself out to ‘I’m hallucinating.’ Oh, baby… DX

I know it would’ve broken the illusion, but… I wish Melto could’ve hugged him. Let the boy hug his Biker Dad. DX

Or, if not, can someone please hug someone??? Please?!?!?

Aw, he’s scared, though. I mean, I totally think he was the anxious, ‘oh my god what if I turn around for a moment and they fall of a cliff?!?’ sort of person before, but losing their Masters magnified that. He loves them so much he was afraid of something happening to them before, but now that something terrible has happened to someone else he loves, it’s even worse.

Basically, he was already terrified of something bad happening to the people he loved, and then something did, validating that terror.

Inferiority complex probably didn’t help. It’s not exactly resentment toward people perceived as ‘better’ (though there is some in it), but feels like a failure on the part of the one w/ the complex for not being ‘good enough’ or able to ‘catch up.’ He knew they were good at fighting, but was terrified by their recklessness and feared he might not be strong enough to help them one day, or something. Not sure any of that made sense.

I do like the idea of Biker Dad inside the Blue RyuSoul just being like, ‘oh no, Melto is worrying himself into a corner, maybe it will help if I astral project and give him a pep talk.’ Might be cute if the Masters’ souls are still semi ‘present’ or ‘aware’ in the RyuSouls.

…

… Ooooooo. I just got an idea. Kinda like in that Magiranger episode. Like, the trio get trapped in some ‘magical dimension’ or something again, and, like, the Masters are somehow there, or their souls come out of the RyuSouls somehow… Anyway, could have something like when… Houka, I think it was, didn’t want to leave that place bc it seemed like their mother was there. Could also include friendship bc maybe the final straw for them finding the will to go isn’t just ‘we need to protect the world’ but also, on a more personal level, the Tatsuis and the brothers? Like, if they realise that the boys are getting overwhelmed in the real world, esp if the brothers are partially fighting to try and rescue them, and are about to get defeated, and meanwhile Ui’s in the line of fire bc she’s trying to help civilians and doing everything she can, too… Could be cute. And heartbreaking.

That was a bad explanation, I’ll try to be more concise later.

Why… Is he explaining this?

Again. I wouldn’t be celebrating while mister handsome murder boy the Majestic Knight is still at large.

I like how it’s still saying ‘here, here.’

Wow, Melto can jump!

Oooo. They came out of the fire! Cool effect.

I’d question how Biker Dad knows this, but he’s dead, so maybe he’s omniscient now. I dunno. I’m inclined to give more leeway to people knowing weird things if they’re dead. Bc they’re no longer tied to this plane, ya know?

Anyway.

…

……

……… Butt. DX

AAAAH! DX Poor baby. He’s all like ‘I did it, dad!’ and briefly forgets that it was an vision, and then of course Biker Dad is gone, and it… TT^TT

Ah, yes. The perfect way to get me to stop crying. Cut directly from sad, introspective Melto to Banba tenderly caressing the lid of some random box. XD

Now, I will not grow out of that joke. XP Ryusoulger here, making me jealous of inanimate objects like pros.

Must everything he does be so very attractive? And by that I mean sexy? But for some reason I am very self-conscious about that word???

Touwa still wins the super doof award.

And now, Melto does math. I think.

XD Kou’s crash into the dome was useful! Though I’m impressed Melto could have any estimation of what the height of that was. ^^

I really like the little collars of the suits. I really do.

AH. I FIGURED IT OUT. THE LITTLE ‘LIFE BLOBS’ ARE SUPPOSED TO REPRESENT THE MINUSAUR!

(pictures at the bottom)

CUTE.

XD Using the Minusaur’s power against it. ^^ Nice going Melto.

I guess it’s not technically him piloting alone—though he does seem to be the one in control…

XD Wyzul and Crayon’s reactions are so funny. ^^

Touwa just lying on the grou w/ his arms folded is still funny.

Banba just… Freaking teleports behind Kou. How did he even find them? Did he walk down the street carrying the box while fully transformed? XD

Banba interrogating the mooks is hilarious bc, esp in most recent years, they can’t actually talk. The most recent exception I can think of is Kyuranger’s mooks.

XD The absolutely unnecessarily fancy sword twirling he does just to point it in the other direction. <3

I mean, I guess it might seem a little silly, but… Isn’t there a belief in Shinto that all things have souls, even inanimate objects? So… Not so far afield, really. Though that does kinda make it sadder that Banba just smashed it. DX Requiescat in pace, antique miniature garden box. Thank you for your sacrifice.

Most easily defeated Mimic. Ever.

Asuna and Kou are either staring into my soul, or thinking about how cool Banba is, and I find both to be valid.

Touwa, don’t be mean. DX Ah, dorks.

This scene is really cute. Y’all here turning into a family w/out noticing, between the younger sibs teasing Melto and then goofing off among themselves, Banba just walking behind them like a tired babysitter and even shooting a look at Melto like he’s trying to make sure Blue’s still w/ them… Cuties.

Also, Touwa bouncing. ^^ <3

The soft piano version of the theme song definitely helps, too. ^^

That hug is still available if you want it, Melto.

And yes, I’d like to think it was. ^^

Still wondering what was up w/ that hooded person. They’re in the opening. They can’t just forget they exist! What happened in the rest of that secene w/ the brothers? Not even Touwa has mentioned it. Did they get their memories of the encounter wiped? Or is there something more?

Preview:

I like the opening shot of Asuna playing a carnival game while the boys watch. Like, it’s so cute and family-y. Melto’s so excited for her like a proud mom and Kou seems to trying to perfect his strategy. XD

Asuna once again finds herself talking people out of… That.

At this point, I don’t care how short that Banba sulking scene is or how little it relates to the plot. I just want to see it. ^^

That’s all, folks! Virtual mochi for anyone who read all that! I really liked this episode, and I’m glad for Melto getting a chance to be very heartbreaking, too. Next episode is an Asuna ep, and while I’m a little cagey about it bc of the short summary we saw at first, I’m willing to give the show the benefit of the doubt and not jump to conclusions about how they’re going to handle it. Hoping we’ll see Anky Mom, too, though there haven’t been any shots of her in the previews… Well, it wouldn’t make much sense if they didn’t eventually bring her back in some way. Still hoping for more concrete info about the brothers’, and specifically Banba’s past. Not all at once, but you could slowly start giving us more. Though it’s not that pressing, and is mainly bc I’m an impatient baby—they’ve got time to do it. And then there’s mysterious hooded person who is in the opening. Gaisoulg? Master Gold? Probably too old to be Gold, but who knows. It does seems strange that not even Touwa, the more friendly of the two, has brought it up to the trio. You’d assume he’d mention ‘oh, yeah, mysterious cloaked man came and sought us out and [something something]’ Makes me very suspicious of cloaked man. Did he wipe their memories? Threaten them? Just plan ask them to keep him a secret? Is he friend of foe? Is he Naohisa? Who knows. But I’d like some clues. At some point.

Lastly, the screenshots I promised, of the life blobs, and the thing everyone else probably already noticed:

#Kishiryu Sentai Ryusoulger #Ryusoulger Spoilers #my precious Dino Children #I love five (5) beautiful colourful Dino Knights #not much else to say #XD #loved the ep #want to write more w/ Melto now #also I'm an impatient baby who wants more #Birthday Sentai #Dino Dragon Knights And Their Cat

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sanoiro · 5 years

Text

4x05 - Expire Erect - Spoilers and Speculation

Warning! There is always a possibility that certain scenes might have been mixed up under their non-respective episodes.

Written By: Mike Costa

Directed By: Viet Nguyen

Mike Costa has written/co-written the episodes:

1x10 Pops

2x09 Homewrecker

2x15 Deceptive Little Parasite

3x07 Off the Record (Teleplay)

3x13 Til Death Do Us Part

3x18 The Last Heartbreak

4x05 Expire Erect

Cast: Tom Ellis as Lucifer, Lauren German as Chloe, DB Woodside as Amenadiel, Lesley-Ann Brandt as Maze, Kevin Alejandro as Dan, Scarlett Estevez as Trixie, Rachael Harris as Linda Martin and Aimee Garcia as Ella.

Season 4 Recurring Characters: Inbar Lavi as Eve and Graham McTavish as Father Kinley

Guest Cast:

Paul Edney...Museum Visitor Rigo Sanchez...Marco

Behind The Scenes:

youtube

If there is one episode I’m excited about is this one. I’m dying to watch it!

In a conversation I had a few days ago I was discussing with @boristheelder about Chloe’s Arc in this season and surprisingly we both expressed the same thought.

Chloe in this season has three stages in her arc. The first is disbelief, she is cautious and hurt. Chloe cannot comprehend what is going on and how to react to Lucifer’s nature.

^ A Halloween wreath outside Chloe’s door.

As far as we can speculate with the new information of the month gap between 3x24 and 4x01 what we are going to find in 4x01 is two broken souls who miraculously love each other and try to cope.

Lucifer is almost certain he will use sex I mentioned before in 4x01, hence his new project but not necessarily sexual partner Eve. In Chloe’s case, she put her trust in the wrong person when she was on her lowest point. Father Kinley.

Graham McTavish who plays Father Kinley during most if not all the 4x05 episode was in New Zealand so his involvement on the events of this episode is heavily induced with a good dose of speculation.

Father Kinley is imprisoned either in 4x04 or most probably according to my belief in 4x05. After all, he makes a spectacular escape in 4x09 so…

But let’s take things first. The case of the week is a bit obscure on all possible levels as we only have some bits and pieces to put together a blurry picture…

The murder seems to be happening at a car exhibition or as the L.A. residents know it as the Petersen Automobile Museum. According to some sources, there was a commotion and everyone present had to act a panic mode scene after an ‘unfortunate’ (read murder) event.

^ You can see Ellis’ and Lauren’s, stand-ins

hat murder leads our gang to a house in the suburbs of L.A. with a beautiful and expensive silver Mercedes-Benz 300 SL Gullwing Coupe! A GORGEOUS car if you ask me…

Anyways… Inquiries are made and things take their way towards solving the case but that’s all we know as another scene took the majority of the shooting days to be shot.

Before I start writing about *that* scene I want to mention that Lucifer in this episode has a session with Linda and wears the same shirt he will use until the end of the episode.

A very unique in texture light blue shirt. This session is one of the reasons that make me wonder if Linda gives birth later on in the season or if she just returns at her job after only just one episode between the birth and a session with Lucifer.

The fact that Linda wears a red dress and the photo does not show her midsection has me wondering as well as her wearing PJs at the last episode… We shall see…

^You can see Rachael next to Ellis as they are prepped,

The scene I cannot wait to see is the LUX scene of this episode. It almost 50 hours of shooting to be done at the stage and some more so outside the Cicada Restaurant, as I have mentioned before, also known as LUX’s entrance.

^We had two LUX patrons stating this so I have no idea if Eve has a power, Lucifer’s are growing or it is just a coincidence... Perhaps someone is brooding and sees the couples making out?

At LUX we have first of all Ella and Eve who seem to hit it off quite well as Ella has some drinks at LUX. They talk to have some fun probably but do remember that Ella is now questioning her faith something that I believe that the events of 4x05 might help her.

Ella also is a HUGE supporter of Deckerstar despite what has happened between Lucifer and Chloe which Ella might attribute to Marcus’ betrayal and eventual death if Lucifer was accused of it…

I mean it is a probability that Lucifer was arrested hence the one month jump and lack of communication but that’s in my head has something like a 15-20% probability of happening.

So we are at LUX and guess what… LUX’s patrons and everyone inside are held hostages as far as I can tell. The SWAT (Special Weapons Attack Team) team is also there as you can see from the black van.

Now we do know that inside are Ella, Eve and Lucifer. Outside LUX we have Dan and Maze. Yet where is Chloe? Well someone did mention that there was a “hidden” entrance to LUX so I would assume that Chloe did eventually did sneak in or was already in although I believe it’s the first.

Yet why Chloe and not Maze? That’s a good question I cannot answer. All I know is that Chloe’s presence at LUX is something that will happen whether she was in there as the place was taken over or afterwards.

What we also have there is a rather “demonic” bartender. Although the description says nothing about the bartender being a Demon the abilities she has are great and has some core scenes and even a stuntwoman I believe in that episode so I would assume that LUX’s bartenders were selected really carefully.

You can see the heavily armoured men of the SWAT team in some of the photos by the way.

Now comes the most important part of the episode. There is a video which was deleted and which you can find in this post. I’ll not say where if you haven’t noticed it. If you are no keen into to really big spoilers please stop reading.

Thank you in advance!

*Interlude Over*

In this episode, Lucifer gets stubbed and we almost lose him.

Before I explain what I believe has happened I would like to conclude what I was discussing with @boristheelder Chloe in this season has an Arc of 3 levels. Turmoil, Realization and Action towards getting Lucifer back or at least at first mending their relationship up to 4x09 where I believe she opens up again to a robe dressed Lucifer.

Episode 4x05 is the episode where Chloe realizes that you cannot dismiss love so easily, what she needed was again to trust him and she does that in this episode so the damn breaks and everything that held her back is released but much to Lucifer’s bad luck so does his vulnerability around her.

If you remember 4x02 where I believe that Lucifer is back being invulnerable around Chloe and thus extremely hurt and confused, in 4x05 he makes some very bad choices that lead to him being severely hurt and I do not mean 3x17 hurt… I mean 1x13 hurt!

We cannot be sure who Lucifer is set to protect and perhaps the stabbing happens early in LUX’s take over and at the end. Meaning that Father Kinley may himself or may have had someone else trying to kill the Devil. Who knows really but that’s my hunch. Especially since we have a guy with a tonsure in the episode... Tonsure is the circular shave Christian monks have since the middle ages...

Call me whatever you like but do you remember how Lucifer investigated Marcus’ mark through the Code Da Vinci movies? Well, do you remember Silas? The misguided albino assassin in Code Da Vinci? Just saying...

Whether Lucifer is trying to protect someone like Chloe or Eve or even Ella. Whether he was the main target or not Chloe’s proximity makes him lose a huge amount of blood that makes him in many photos look ashen and then taken away by an ambulance with only Eve by his side as Chloe can be rarely seen further away in some cases but not often (like one time or two).

Examining the scenarios Lucifer either

Gets hurt early on and they have to get Chloe outside LUX but that does not happen quickly enough so Lucifer starts to bleed out and Chloe finally realizes what Lucifer has sacrificed by being around her.

Lucifer believing like in scenario A that he is invulnerable with or without Chloe’s proximity he is stubbed by what it seems to be a military/hunting knife (missionary?). That leads to a chain of events for everyone not only trying to get to Lucifer who is inside LUX but also defuses the situation at the bar.

^The little amount of blood is either for the ambulance scene or someone else is also hurt. If you were praying for Azrael to be back, do pray to be in this episode although the chances are slim and none of the BTS supports it. :(

No matter what happens and although I would have loved for Lucifer to protect Chloe again only to fail, we have some very important things going into motion after this episode.

First, Chloe realises that Lucifer is capable of dying as well as what he has gone through for her.

Second, this opens a window for past events to come to the light 1x13, 2x13, 2x05 etc.

Third, Chloe is finally passing from the state of turmoil and by having lost faith to Father Kinley she starts to see Lucifer under a new light she was not able to do so before. Everything now counts more than before, have a different meaning if you like.

Fourth, Chloe seems to be held away from Lucifer as he is rushed to the ambulance. Probably Eve or Maze (or both) make sure she stays away in order for Lucifer to start healing undisturbed. Imagine seeing the man you love, the Devil getting hurt and you are the one who is causing all that pain. An allegory here I believe with what happened between 3x24 to 4x01.

Moreover, she is powerless as she cannot follow and if Chloe knows what causes Lucifer’s vulnerability according to my theory that is, then she has an answer she was finding very hard to admit. Can you Love the Devil? Yes, because he is Lucifer. Just Lucifer.

I could spend a lot of time writing about what that scene means for the episode and the season as a whole but I think that the proper meta can wait….

You may ask how will the situation be resolved? Well, the combination between Dan, Maze and the Bartender will certainly help to keep an eye on them as well as Chloe.

^The LUX extras were exhausted so imagine the actors and the crew!

In the last parts of this post, I would like to mention the writer’s IG post that was captured by me in its full glory but @lucks-eterna managed to capture it in the first 5 minutes while I missed my chance… Good work by the way @lucks-eterna !

The post from the writer had the summary for each character behind his lament over his PC’s autocorrect. More clearly we can see Amenadiel’s who is apparently in a difficult situation of trying to find a job, any job, while weighing the new sense of responsibility fatherhood bring along in his life. Whether born or not that child is already causing some havoc and even more in the next episodes. In 4x05 we also have Amenadiel’s stuntman at the stage meaning that Amenadiel may have had an active role in the LUX situation or a new character appears a bit early...

The other two summaries are a bit more difficult to decipher. The second is Maze’s and you can even make out the name as many have pointed out on Tumblr.

when Maze gives *** some -

he’s only recruiting her, an -

do the kind of rule-breaking

with the fact that, maybe, he

Lesley, Ann did post that she had another scene with Dan in that episode (aside from the ones with Ella outside LUX?) and although Lesley-Ann did reveal that Maze will really all in love in this season I wonder if it’s with the baby and not with a man or woman. Yes she lives with Linda and it would have been fun to see them together but there is a prickling at the back of my head that whispers “Dan”. We shall see but let’s keep this as an afterthought.

^Dan at what it seems to be Chloe’s house or LUX, I would bet Chloe’s house which is behind the LUX set. Who knows... perhaps it’s at LUX and part of the ending of the episode where Dan realises where he is heading and Maze had enough.

In 3x26 Dan was shown that he had a dark side that never really grew in size and in S4 it seems like it's out of control. All the fighting he gets into with Maze makes me wonder whether he joins her in bounty hunting as a way to redeem himself of what happened to Charlotte but also as Joe has said jokingly once, Dan got a taste of blood in S2 so whenever you do not see him he is out there killing people.

Of course, Joe’s words were meant as a joke but what if bounty hunting or taking part to fights with Maze is what helps him cope? Is it here in episode 4x05 that Maze realists how far Dan has gone? Is Dan the one who “recruits” her for a semi-controlled rule-breaking? I believe he is…

The first summary is the most baffling and heart-wrenching one.

a hard time doing while SOB(BING?)

realize just how close she

She realizes what’s missing

Call me a Hallmark season special fanatic but after considering what has happened to Lucifer and how Chloe cannot approach him, the woman who run to his side and cradled him in 2x12… Sigh…

Do tell me if you were that woman what you would have done seeing the man you love, the Devil or not (who cares anymore at that point?), been taken away, bleeding to death, wasting away partly because of you is taken away what would you do? What would you do if another woman was above him offering him comfort as he was looking ashen and out of it, what you would have done?

I’ll take a wild chance and say what the writer of this episode has summarized… Just saying…

Concluding as you have guessed this is a very hard episode which I believe you will all love as much I will and do remember the other scripts of the Scriptwriter…

Pops gave us Lucifer saving Chloe, being burned and of course a drunk Chloe passing out on him. Homewrecker analyzed the matter of trust between Lucifer and Chloe as well as Dan’s dark side, the Deceptive Little Parasite…

Who can forget Lucifer crying over the pain of Chloe and his Mother to ignite the sword? Off the Record was partly his work while Til Death Do us Part again dealt with the matter of trust. The Last Heartbreak gave us a tender moment between Lucifer and an unconscious Chloe while we learned more about Marcus without losing touch with the series and finally 4x05…

Lucifer will Expire Erect but not in bed in the middle of an orgy…

Quick Directory:

Spoilers and Speculations Posts Per Episode:

4x01 - Everything’s Okay

4x02 - Somebody’s Been Reading Dante’s Inferno

4x03 - O, Ye Of Little Faith, Father

4x04 - All About Eve

4x05 - Expire Erect

4x06 - Orgy Pants To Work

4x07 - Devil Is As Devil Does

4x08 - Super Bad Boyfriend

4x09 - Save Lucifer

4x10 - (?????) King of Hell?

Lucifan 1

This episode had really intrigued me since the title was released. Expire Erect fits perfectly with the show. And again it promises angst and emotions.

There are so many hints and situations to discuss that it is difficult to start.The night al Lux seems pretty hot: it is just a case or is it related to a plan? If we consider Eve having such a kind of "mojo" is it an attempt to use it or to control at least? Is Lucifer using it for his own purpose?

I still think Eve will bring back the old Devil, so if he now feels at ease just with Eve at his side, no surprise if he is back to the old habits of multiple one night partners. Curious to know more about the session with Linda: is it about Eve or about Linda's pregnancy/ baby? For sure, she will offer good advice that Lucifer will take in his own way and maybe focus just on his partner in crime and not on his former partner anymore

I'm glad we can see also more about Amenadiel and his struggle to live as a human being. This character and Woodside deserve a lot and I wait for a meaningful arc for them, including the realisation that actions have consequences. The same realisation that everyone needs to reach.

Moving back to Lux set, we have BTS of Dan and Maze. Their partnership grows and consolidates, but we don't know if it lasts. What if Dan discovers the role she played in all Cain's stuff? It is true they will be together in the hospital at the end of the season, so I want to give them a chance. Will be they a couple? LesleyAnn has announced a Maze in love. But she had also teased about a potential Maze girlfriend. Will it be Eve? Just for fun? And Maze's real love will be the baby? We know the feelings she has for Trixie, so no surprise if she develops a strong bond with the Nephilim

Also, Ella is at Lux and meets Eve. And from the BTS of episodes 6 and 7 they will work together. Sanoiro states Ella will regain her faith or part of it after this episode: will Eve help her? Ella's open and welcoming attitude can play an important role with a character usually blamed and hated, creating a special relationship between them. That can plague Chloe or push her to think a lot about herself or the faith restored is more related to anything occurring at Lux? Chloe and Lucifer trying to protect each other? Chloe coming to protect them all?

Let's see

The last section is for Chloe. Despite all we have (or not have) seen, I strongly believe this season gives her all the room she deserves. I totally agree on the 3 phase arc here suggested. Perhaps realisation of her real feelings starts in episode 4. But it will burst in episode 5. How Chloe join the team at Lux is not clear ae we have just her car outside. She can be there because called on duty or following a criminal (Kinley? Someone working for him? ) And it is unclear if she enters or not. Does she need to be really close to Lucifer to affect him?

Does the secret door at Lux suggest a way in or have another meaning? Assuming she is inside, is her love/ faith already restored to make Lucifer vulnerable or is something she sees to have that effect? Lucifer trying to protect Ella or Eve, or even Chloe herself. In any case, Lucifer will almost die. If not aware of her power yet, Chloe will realize it now.

Pushed away from the one she loves she will just look at him and Eve together ( based on Lavi's video with Tom smoking close to an ambulance), realizing what she had and is risking to lose. I agree on all the angst and turmoil Sanoiro described. The only point now is how will Chloe react and also Lucifer. They will work together but at which level of personal relationship is not clear. Probably they will try to be just colleagues. But the reaction of Chloe in episode 7, with Eve touching Lucifer in front of her, speaks volume on her success.

My final question: will Eve try to get between them to win Lucifer back or to test Chloe to be sure she is ready for all the supernatural stuff?

#lucifer spoilers #lucifer speculation #lucifer season 4 #lucifer 4x05 #Expire Erect #We Are Here! We Are A Legion! We Are LUCIFANS! 🔥😈🔥

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randomfandomimagine · 7 years

Text

Sunshine in the Moonlight. Chapter 6: Another Ignis

Fandom: Final Fantasy XV

Pairing: Prompto x Alexandria (OC)

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Wattpad - AO3

Word came from Iris, Gladiolus’ younger sister. She stayed in Lestallum along with some other refugees. We decided to visit them as soon as we spoke with Cor in the tombs. We all quickly got ready after a restless sleep and drove off towards the meeting point.

The previous day felt like a distant dream, like a nightmare that was too real to be just that. However, I was determined to stay strong in adversity. Like I always was. I wouldn’t let those events or memories bring me down again. I had rested and wanted to forget everything that had to do with that delirious chapter in my mind. To be quite honest, I was ashamed upon remembering my breakdown. If it weren’t for it, I would have never worried and scared my friends like that, and I wouldn’t have sheltered myself in Ignis and Prompto like I did. Not that I was ashamed to show them affection, but to show them when I did. In a moment of weakness, during a low moment. It made me feel… guilty.

I tried my best not to get lost in my thoughts as we headed for the tombs to reunite with Cor at last. Even if the scene in the tombs as Noctis was to gain the Power of Kings was no better than what happened the day before. His pain was more obvious than ever, as was his display of emotions. The new king felt guilty for his father’s sacrifice, he felt lost without him and grieved because of his absence. I would feel angry myself if I were in his skin. Yet it was heartbreaking to witness how much he struggled, how great a burden had been placed on him without him asking. He faced a great responsibility, seeing as he was the new king. Even if, like he had said himself, there truly wasn’t a city to reign anymore.

Cor had told us about the other thirteen tombs scattered across the country, which held the Power of Kings that Noctis must gather in order to heighten his strength.

The six of us stood in a circle, bearing an uncomfortable silence.

“Shall we visit the other tomb then?” Ignis asked us, glancing from Cor to us.

Seeing as no one replied, I opened my mouth to express my opinion.

“I…” Once all eyes fell on me, however, it made me feel self-conscious and I fell silent.

“What was that?” Gladiolus encouraged me.

“I think we should… earn some more money” The truth behind that statement was that we all needed to get our minds off the main quest, clear our heads a little before we returned. Stronger. Recovered. “It’s just my opinion, but I believe we should be foresighted”

Ignis was piercing me with his eyes, but I caught a glimpse of pride in them as he did. He was smiling a little as well, which made me think he saw through my trivial thrifty need.

“I agree, it would be prudent to do so” He replied after a short pause.

“You can search the tombs whenever you like” Cor commented, not really objecting our plan. “Just remember to do it eventually, it’ll make you stronger”

Noctis just nodded, not really minding it either. Prompto shrugged too, ready to go along with the plan.

“We’ll be seeing each other” The Marshall told us, and even if I felt sad to say goodbye to him, it was good to see he understood. “Take care”

Hence, we proceeded to leave and walk into the open again. We were glad as we were received with the warm sunlight. It was like a ray of hope after all the somberness we went through.

“Lead the way, Noct” Ignis invited him with a gesture of his hand.

The prince –king –began walking and we followed his lead in silence. No one dared to speak up at first, until our personal ray of sunshine did.

“You’re lookin’ better today, Alex” Prompto piped up. “Yesterday you looked pretty much like a zombie”

I stared at him, taken aback by his comment. He blushed a little and made a grimace of embarrassment, but I found it somewhat amusing. I chuckled because of the unexpected nature of his odd compliment.

“That is no way to talk to a lady, Prompto” Ignis scolded him.

“I… It-It was a compliment! I…” The aforesaid mumbled, obviously embarrassed.

Gladiolus laughed heartedly and put an arm over the blond’s shoulders, messing up his hair playfully.

“You better apologize” The big man told him. “Tell her how pretty she is”

“Stop being so silly” I said, smiling in spite of myself. “All of you!”

I never really had friends before meeting Ignis, and even though I met him and Gladiolus from time to time I had never been teased in such a manner. I wondered if that was what it felt like to have a small group of friends. The playful banter, the affectionate gestures and horseplay. If it was, I could definitely get used to it.

“You prefer to be called zombie?” Noctis smugly asked, smirking as well.

“It was just a joke!” Prompto whined as he did his best to escape Gladio’s strong grip. “I-I didn’t mean…”

“Tell her she’s pretty!”

“Gladiolus…”

“Gladio!”

“I mean… Gladio!”

“Sh” Ignis shushed us, his body language alerting danger.

Gladiolus finally let go of Prompto, who fixed his hair with a pout, and we all followed what gathered Ignis’ attention. A group of rhinoceros looking creatures, dualhorns, I believe they were called. Noctis was the first one to approach them, trying to be stealthy as he crouched down slightly. We had seen rewards for hunting down these animals, and so our royal friend was more than prepared to fight them. We soon imitated him and summoned our weapons. As per usual, Prompto’s gun firing startled me and so I distanced myself from him a little. Hadn’t quite gotten used to it yet.

“Eyes peeled, mouth closed” He said as he nimbly jumped around, simultaneously firing his weapons.

When another dualhorn came our direction, I got ready to take on the beast. I rolled on the ground with a sideways cartwheel to avoid the attack and then swung my sword toward it. I hit the creature, but it lunged toward me and I wasn’t fast enough to parry it. The horn pushed me and grazed my arm with such force that it threw me backwards into the floor.

“Woman down!” Prompto told everyone, still battling.

All their eyes directed towards me, but as Gladiolus was walking closer to me, they focused on the battle.

“Focus, kid” The King’s Shield said as he rested his sword on his shoulder and offered me a hand.

“I am!” I complained, taking his hand and being pulled up with great strength.

I made a face, thinking that perhaps my concentration wasn’t the problem. Perhaps I had believed that I was ready when I wasn’t.

No matter how much I trained and how skilled I thought I was, the real world was never the same. And I wasn’t as experienced as my friends.

Seeing I was back to my feet, Gladiolus jogged to help Noctis with the fight. I took a moment to look at my arm and I winced a little at the sight of a nasty bruise.

It was a superficial wound and it wasn’t bleeding, but the horn had painfully scraped against my skin. Ignis would treat it later, even though it was of no importance.

Telling myself to focus on the battle, I threw myself towards the beast again. Even if it was slightly distracting to see my comrades all around me.

Gladiolus was definitely the one that inflicted the most harm. But Ignis elegantly attacked as well, easily parring and evading attacks. Prompto was the fastest, sliding across the ground and jumping around as he fired his arms. Noctis would be the fastest if I counted his warping, which also helped him get high and jump over the enemy as he swung his weapon.

The latter warped close to me and cut the beast, causing it to growl in pain, before he warped again to approach the other dualhorn. I spun around while swinging my sword so I would hit it repeatedly.

Then I heard a familiar click followed by a flash of light. I quickly stabbed the animal before I turned around and stared in disbelief. Did Prompto just take a photo in the middle of the battle?!

My eyes fell on him just in time to witness his fall. He heavily hit the ground, letting out a grunt of pain, and lingered in the position he landed in. He didn’t move.

“Prompto!” Noctis screamed, finishing one of the dualhorns.

We both ran to his aid while Ignis and Gladiolus took care of the beasts. We kneeled next to our fallen friend and exchanged a restless glance before we observed the blond.

“Is Prompto okay?” Gladio shouted restlessly.

“I-I don’t know!” Noctis replied nervously. “He’s out!”

I stared at Prompto’s expression, horrified. His brows were furrowed in a pained expression, the corner of his lips tense as well. He looked a bit pale under all that dirt that stained his cheeks and confused with his freckles.

“He’s breathing” Ignis was suddenly next to us, observing our friend from his standing position. Prompto’s chest did lightly raise and fall with his breathing pattern.

“Prompto!” I shook him a little, leaning closer to him and shaking more vigorously. “Prom…?”

The boy stirred and let out a tiny groan. Then his eyes fluttered open, an ocean of blue looking my direction.

“I like it when you call me Prom…” He mumbled groggily, one hand flying to the back of his head as he winced.

“You… idiot!” My heart thumped against my chest from the scare. “That was so thoughtless!”

“Were you taking a selfie, stupid?” Noctis shoved him too, making him wobble as he slowly sat up. “That thing could have killed you!”

“Yup” Prompto grimaced, shutting his eyes tight, as he rubbed his head. “Lesson learned”

He observed his hand, holding it up in front of his face. At least there were no traces of blood.

I let out a big breath and stood up, tensing my fingers as though I was choking someone. Him, I actually wanted to kill him for scaring me like that over something so idiotic.

“Are you hurt?” Ignis asked him gently, even if he accompanied his words with vexed sigh.

“Got a killer headache, I hit my head when I fell” Prompto opened his eyes and looked at us. “But I think I’m okay”

“Look at you two” Gladiolus had just arrived, wiping some sweat off his forehead. “Two of a kind”

It was true that only Prompto and I had gotten hurt in the fight, but it was different. I wasn’t experienced and he was. His mistake was being stupid and getting hurt because of his negligence.

“Are you wounded too, Alexandria?” Ignis focused on me as he let Noctis help Prompto up.

“I’m alright” I reassured him, even if allowing him to hold my arm and take a good look at it. “It scraped me with the horn”

“It looks harmless” He carefully let go of my arm. “I will bandage it nonetheless”

“You okay, Alex?” Prompto approached me clumsily.

“Yes, I am” I couldn’t help but to punch him in the arm, angry.

“Ow!” He complained, puzzled as to why I did it.

I just went back to Ignis so he would treat my arm. I needed to calm myself before I could talk to Prompto again.

With everyone already patched up and ready, we got on the Regalia and headed for the outpost where they offered the reward for the dualhorns we hunted.

I quietly sat on the back, absently-mindedly staring at my bandaged arm. I would have to train with Gladiolus more often after all if I was to get better at combat.

King Regis wanted me to accompany Noctis to be supportive and help him through his journey, but he didn’t have in consideration how I could be a burden for them. I was not a member of the Crownsguard like the rest of them, but merely part of the Council. My advice and wisdom would not help during the combats.

“Picture time!” Prompto’s voice forcefully dragged me away from my thoughts.

When I noticed the camera aimed at me, I grouchily scowled at him. He took the photo nonetheless, allegedly hoping it would remedy my mood. It didn’t work, so he directed it towards Noctis instead. The prince, I mean king, did pose. He smirked a little as Prompto took the photo.

“Prompto, can’t you sit still?” I told him, pushing him softly so he would sit down properly.

“S-Sorry…” He replied, offended and surprised.

It wasn’t only that he was so restless that bothered me –or that I was mad at him -, but it was also dangerous. If Ignis happened to make a sudden halt, that would cause the blond to lunge forwards, and it would be all the worse if he was sitting on his knees with his back facing the front of the car.

“Relax” Noctis replied calmly. “You can’t tell Prompto to stop being Prompto”

“That’s not what I said” I didn’t want him to stop being himself, I just wanted him to sit still.

Noctis dedicated me a very irritated glance before he rolled his eyes. I supposed it was foolish to assume everything was good between us after just one bonding conversation.

“Whatever, I’m trying to sleep” He told me, closing his eyes and crossing his arms over his chest to be comfortable.

“Great, go to sleep then”

“Why don’t you call it a truce?” Gladiolus intervened, playing the peacemaker, which was usually Ignis’ role.

I didn’t say anything, and Prince Noctis merely uttered a low annoyed groan. I supposed the tension we had gone through also contributed to the grumpiness. I realized I was being sulky and that I needed a little longer to get over my mood.

“I’m sure Alexandria will be back to her usual self soon” Ignis said, reassuringly. “She might get mad quite easily, but her tantrums do not last long”

“This is not a tantrum!” Even though I was aware that he was being deliberately irritating as well as affectionate, I objected nonetheless.

“Don’t piss her off even more, Ignis…” Prompto whispered anxiously. Or what he thought was a whisper, since I heard him loud and clear.

“Yeah, wouldn’t want to anger the beast” Gladiolus scoffed, nudging me a little.

I just copied Noctis and crossed my arms over my chest, closing my eyes and resting in the backseat. I needed to be silent and compose myself, which I would have time for in that short car ride.

The outpost turned out to be Hammerhead, and hence we made a stop there to also eat something at the diner. My mood had greatly improved in that time, to the point that I would occasionally make a comment.

When we got out of the car, the boys headed directly to the diner. Except for Prompto, who softly held me by the good arm and stopped me from going in myself.

“Alex, uh…” He shyly rubbed his nape. “You’re… mad at me, aren’t you?”

“No, I’m not mad” I was just frustrated and worried, yet I refused to tell him about the complexity of my emotions. “I was, but… not anymore”

“I just… don’t really know what I did, but I don’t like that I upset you” He shrugged, timidly looking away. “So I’m sorry, whatever it was”

“It’s just…” I sighed, taking a moment to organize my thoughts. “You got hurt”

“But I’m okay! See?” He opened his arms wide, as though demonstrating he was in one piece. “Just bumped my head a little”

“I know, but it was irresponsible and… it… frustrated me, I suppose”

“So you were mad about me getting hurt?” The blond chuckled heartedly. “Are you sure you weren’t just worried?”

“Noctis was vexed as well” I sternly said, giving him a glare. “He called you stupid”

“But Noct didn’t make a big deal out of it!”

I averted my eyes, knowing he was right even though I would never admit it. My silence seemed eloquent enough, however, seeing as he grinned.

“Sorry anyway, I’ll be more careful next time”

I dedicated him a sweet smile in appreciation. He didn’t really have to apologize, yet the thought of being in bad terms with me upset him and he did anyway. No trace of any pride or arrogance even though it wasn’t his fault and it wasn’t him who needed to apologize. Prompto was too genuine and precious to be like that, he just wanted to fix the situation no matter what.

“I should be the one apologizing” I gave in, tilting my head to the side. “My reaction was uncalled for”

“Don’t even mention it” There was that bright smile unique to him, which promised that everything was and would be okay at all times as long as Prompto smiled like that.

That said, the blond proceeded to enter the establishment.

I gingerly placed my hand in the back of his head, analyzing the damage. He tensed up under my touch, startled and clueless. I hesitated as a result, yet confidently committed to the gesture and refused to embarrass myself by pulling away.

“Does your head hurt?” I asked him, carefully feeling for any lumps.

“Nah” Prompto shrugged it off. “Got a thick skull”

I laughed a little in response, not expecting such answer.

“Yeah, you do” I replied, grinning widely as I walked into the diner.

A soft upbeat music received us, along with the air conditioner that caused me to grow aware of the slight heat outside.

“What kept you?” Ignis asked us both as soon as he noticed our arrival.

“Death glare contest?” Gladiolus teased us, observing us over his shoulder.

“I have a feeling that you two made up” Noctis smirked, his eyes darting from Prompto to me.

“It was silly, really” I was honestly ashamed of being so sulky about the situation. “It’s solved now”

“You are quite the charmer, Prompto” Gladio patted his back like he did, making him stumble a bit. The comment caused him to violently blush, though, which was adorable.

“Have you ordered yet?” He tried to get the attention off him by changing the subject.

“We have” Ignis replied, a hint of a smile tugging at his lips. “Go ahead and take a seat, we will join you shortly”

“Okay” Prompto replied, choosing a table to sit at without waiting for me. I briefly followed him with my gaze before I set my eyes back on the rest of my friends.

“Back with us, I see” Ignis observed, smiling openly now.

“Yes” I shrugged one shoulder. “Honestly, I don’t know what came over me”

With the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of a smirk growing in Noctis’ mouth in reaction to my words, but when I looked at him it was gone.

“How’s your arm, now that you’re speaking to us again?” I couldn’t tell if it was deliberate, but Gladiolus made me feel like a child.

Although, to be fair, my ‘tantrum’ was slightly childish. It wasn’t like me, or at least I wanted to believe so.

“It burns a little” I held it up, taking a look at the bandage. “Other than that, it’s alright”

“Why don’t you go and keep Prompto company?” Noctis intervened, pointing his thumb at our friend sitting alone at the table.

I shrugged once more and obliged. I did, however, look at them over my shoulder as I approached Prompto’s table.

He was entertaining himself by looking at the menus as he hummed a tune, swinging his legs in the seat as well. I laughed to myself, thinking he was like a child. My friend just smiled friendly at me as I sat down in the red padded seat in front of him, but didn’t say anything. He carried on what he was doing.

A loud guffaw of laughter piqued my interest and caused me to look over to our three friends again. I didn’t know what they were talking about, but it was certainly amusing Gladio to a long extent.

I opened my mouth to question Prompto about it, but our meals arrived and hence they all came over, placing the food on the table. Ignis sat next to me while Noctis and Gladio occupied the seat next to Prompto.

We took the plates from the trays and served ourselves. They had settled with a simple option. Hamburgers, French fries and sodas. Which was fine by me.

To be honest, Ignis was always telling me about my diet and how I should eat healthier. Not that I ate fast food every day or that I refused to eat vegetables, but it was great to try Ignis’ delicious and healthy food during our trip.

“Where are we going next?” Prompto asked with a mouthful of burger.

“Don’t speak with your mouth full” Gladiolus calmly told him.

“Lestallum, perhaps” Ignis replied, pausing before he continued eating. “Iris is still there, I’m certain that Gladio would like to see his sister”

“It’s been a while since I’ve seen her too” Noctis mumbled absently, too busy picking out the lettuce and pickles from his burger to start eating yet. One of the reasons why I thought he was a spoiled brat. Perhaps not as much as I did before, but it was things like those that reminded me of it.

I decided to let that slide and instead exchanged a glance with Gladiolus, questioning him about his sister and his protégé. He just shook his head, negating any suspicions I could have about Iris and Noctis.

I always had the feeling they were very close friends and wondered if there was something more to it than that, especially when I saw Iris visiting her brother and interacting with Noctis while she was at it. Perhaps she did have a crush on the royal one, but not quite reciprocated. Noctis might be too busy thinking about Lady Lunafreya.

I blindly reached out to get the ketchup to put in my hamburger, not really paying attention. However, when my hand was about to wrap around the container, I brushed against something warm and soft. I looked up to see a gloved hand accidentally touching mine. Then my eyes darted in front of me to see Prompto’s eyes looking back at me.

“S-Sorry!” He stammered awkwardly. “There you go”

He had reached out to get the ketchup at the same time that I had, but instead, he gave me the ketchup first.

“Thanks” I told him, even if I was distracted by Noctis’ stare. “What?”

“Nothing” He replied, even if there was a smug smirk on his lips.

Was I missing something? Did Noctis know something I did not? Was I missing a secret joke that all of them enjoyed except for me?

I shook my head and carried on eating, imagining it was a way of his to set my teeth on edge.

After claiming our reward, getting our money and eating something, we moved on as we looked for more possible hunts.

We jogged as we followed Noctis, although he was probably wandering, and kept silent except for the occasional comment.

“That’s it!” Ignis suddenly exclaimed, making me jolt up in surprise.

“What!” I shouted, looking around me expecting some more enemies.

“I’ve come up with a new recipe!”

“You scared me, Iggy!” Prompto complained, and even if I agreed with him, I didn’t voice my momentarily fright.

“Apologies”

“He really loves cooking”

After Gladiolus’ comment, the silence settled again. I observed Ignis as he pulled a small notebook from his pants’ pocket and quickly scribbled down what I supposed was his new recipe.

“I want to ride my chocobo all day…” Prompto sang lowly, rhythmically slapping his hands against his legs.

“Quite the earworm” I grinned, ignoring the fact that now the tune got stuck in my head because of him.

“Can’t get it out of my head!”

“Wanna go see some chocobos, Prompto?” Noctis nudged him, grinning at his friend. The boy gasped in utter excitement, taking ahold of his arm to share his eagerness.

“Can we?” His eyes shone with a spark of hope as he turned to Ignis and Gladiolus. “Pleaaaase?”

“Noct…” Ignis sighed, knowing that we would have to put up with Prompto’s hyperactive enthusiasm because of him.

“The kid’s got it bad”

“There are worse vices, I suppose…”

“Is that a yes?!”

I smiled in amusement, thinking that Noctis and Prompto were like siblings who were asking their parents for permission. It was adorable and hysterical.

“We must continue our journey” Ignis refused sternly, crossing his arms for emphasis.

“I suggest we vote” Gladiolus knew that way the result would be an astounding yes. “I vote yes”

“Fair enough” The tawny-haired man accepted, motioning his hand toward me. “Alexandria?”

“I… wouldn’t mind visiting the chocobo farm”

“Noct?”

“Why not?”

“Ye-he-ah! Majority, woo!” Prompto beamed, placing a friendly arm over my shoulders and his other one over Noctis’.

“I’m actually excited to see them for the first time” I admitted, shrugging my shoulders slightly.

“You haven’t seen a chocobo? Ever? Like, not even once?!” I couldn’t tell if he was outraged or excited due to my statement.

“Not in person”

“They’re the best, Alex! You’re gonna love ‘em!” Leaving Noctis behind, the blond walked with me as he happily told me about the chocobos. “They’re adorable, okay? I just can’t wait!”

I smiled, endeared by his contagious cheerful mood. I allowed him to exteriorize his thoughts and how passionate he was about those animals as he went on and on about how cute and great they were. It was lovely to see him so brisk and to let him share that with us.

Much to our dismay, the chocobo farm was closed due to a great threat scaring and hurting the chocobos. A behemoth called Deadeye that was terrorizing the animals.

Of course, Prompto turned to Noctis and asked him to help them without needing to say any words at all. And the prince –ugh, I mean king! –was quick to accept the challenge. After all, we were hunters in a way and might be able to help.

So there we were, stalking a humongous beast that we were supposed to take down. Everything around us was foggy and we tried to remain as silent and stealthy as we could while we gradually gained on it. Visibility was poor thanks to the added difficulty of the night that had fallen upon us as well as the fog that shadowed the moonlight, leaving us only with the dim light from our flashlights.

Then we realized we had been discovered and it observed us like prey, ready to charge against us and destroy us with its powerful claws.

“Do execute due caution” Ignis reminded us as we prepared to be attacked.

A few seconds later, Deadeye jumped down from his higher perspective and made the ground quake beneath us. Then, his mighty roar made us shiver, especially me. I did not feel ready for such confrontation. Despite its enormous size, the behemoth was incredibly fast and agile, I could tell immediately as it moved around.

Soon, the chaos exploded around me as my friends lunged against the beast. Prompto shooting his guns, Ignis using his daggers, Noctis warping and Gladiolus using his big sword. I took a deep breath as I braced myself before I did the same, running and swinging my sword at full force against the beast, cutting its thick skin.

“Stay close to me, Alexandria” Ignis briefly looked over his shoulder to me.

I nodded, appreciating that protective side of him. Clearly, he was aware of my insecurities as well and he wanted to be there to endorse me.

“Remember the blind spot!” Gladio shouted at us as we fought.

“I have a bad feeling about this!” I felt clumsy as I tried to approach it, hesitant as Deadeye kept moving, and occasionally swung my sword at it. Even though all I managed to do was roll away from it before it inevitably wielded its claw against me.

I often had to run away and take a breather as I recovered briefly. I panted heavily, feeling slower and clumsier by the minute. My restless heart also anguished me as it kept resonating in my ears and throbbing in my throat.

The sight of my friends continuously falling and getting back up, relentless, should have inspired me to charge again stronger. However, it broke my spirits to see them getting hurt even if in a light way.

Yet I forced myself to go back to support them, time after time, even if I had to distance myself for a brief moment soon after. I was struggling, and feared that I wouldn’t be able to stand a chance against Deadeye. Luckily for me, I had the four of them to back me up. However, I would have wanted to be more prepared. I had no problem taking smaller and weaker creatures, but such a huge beast was beyond my skills.

It suddenly felt like time had stopped as I noticed Ignis falling with the corner of my eye, defeated by the behemoth’s paw. He was hit. I paused for a few seconds and observed him, but he didn’t immediately get up.

Oh, no… Not Ignis, not him. I would be completely lost without him. He had to be alright.

“Ignis!!!” I shouted, immediately running to his aid. “Ignis is down!!”

My heart resonated in my ears all the more louder as I approached him, even if I seemed to move in slow motion. It only faltered when I saw him moving. He was alive. Even if it was a great relief, it didn’t stop my hands from shaking. I was still deeply concerned and near the brink of hyperventilating.

I fell on my knees next to him, my eyes frantically searching his body for any signs of blood. Even though the weight of its paw crushing his torso might have broken a few ribs.

I noticed nothing at first, only that he had lost his glasses in the process.

“Perhaps I should start wearing contact lenses from now on” Ignis joked to relief the tension.

I didn’t laugh, even if I wanted to in order to humor him. But I couldn’t bring myself to laugh in those circumstances.

He, however, clutched his arm and was obviously trying to suppress a pained expression not to worry us. But there was a clear cut in his upper arm that ripped the fabric of his clothes. Under it, the skin had been damaged and blood had started spilling from it. The sight made me light-headed. It only encouraged me to panic even more.

“Ignis!” Noctis urgently called for him. “You okay?”

“I’m alright, Noct” He immediately replied, apparently unconcerned.

“Take care of him, kid!” Gladio shouted at me, absent while he still fought Deadeye. “We’ll finish him off!”

“Alex!” Prompto shouted at me, and as soon as my head turned in that direction I noticed he had tossed something to me.

I caught it thanks to my reflexes –otherwise I would have been to agitated and would have dropped it –and opened my hands to reveal a white cloth. Prompto had given me some bandages to heal Ignis. Knowing this, I faced Ignis again and wrapped the bandage around his arm. It took a few tries to tie and secure it, though, as my hands weren’t making the task easy.

“There is no need to worry, Alexandria” He reassured me, aware of my panicky state even blinded without his glasses. “It is but a scratch”

I chuckled stupidly at the idea that Ignis, the person who was hurt, was actually trying to console the unharmed one. It always had to be like that with us. Not only because Ignis was such a collected person and I wasn’t, but because it was the first time I faced such situations. I was not a part of the Crownsguard and I felt out of my element. Moreover, being the first time I was away from the Council to throw myself into the uncharted territory that it was adventure added to my apprehensive nature wasn’t a good mixture.

I heard the beast collapsing and looked over my shoulder to see they had defeated it.

“Woo!” Prompto uttered. “That was a close one!”

“How’s Iggy?” Gladio said as the three of them came to check on him.

“It was merely a small mistake, my glasses fell and I lost concentration for a brief moment” He replied, not really fazed by it all.

“Here’s your glasses, Specs” Noctis offered them to him, who quickly took them and put them on.

“Thank you” My closest friend was about to stand up, but I pushed him down to keep him in place.

“He needs a potion” I demanded with a shaky yet adamant voice.

“Who has a potion?”

“Noct?”

“Not me”

“Prompto?”

“I think I have one somewhere…”

“Quick!”

The blond rummaged through his pockets in a hurry and his expression lit up when he found what he was looking for. Then he tossed it to me, to which I reacted quickly.

I took Ignis’ hand and placed the container over it, he closed his fingers around it and crushed it until a warm greenish light engulfed him. I had started to think I was overreacting, but just then he let out an obvious sigh of relief as his pain subsided.

“What exactly happened?” Gladio asked us as he supported Ignis by the arm to help him up.

“I think Iggy was trying to cover Alex and the behemoth knocked his glasses off” Prompto started explaining. “And then Deadeye crushed him with its giant claw”

“Prompto…” Noctis mumbled under his breath.

“You were trying to protect me?” I whispered, suddenly feeling queasy.

“Uh…” Prompto kept talking, even if I wasn’t paying attention to him anymore. “What I meant to say is…”

“A little too late for that now” Gladiolus scolded him, giving him a glare. The blond made a face, his mouth twitching with guilt.

“It is my duty to protect not only Noct, but all of you” Ignis replied with dignity.

After an instant of silence I nodded. I pursed my lips tightly, however.

“You’re absolutely right” I agreed with him. “I would have done the same thing”

Of course Ignis got hurt trying to avoid me getting hurt. He was so selfless that he would give up his life to save us if necessary, it was a sacrifice he would willingly make.

I restrained myself from the sudden urge I had of hugging him, knowing it would be slightly uncomfortable and forced as well as the fact that he wasn’t fond of physical affection.

“Shall we go back then?” Ignis grunted as he stood up straight. “We all should have some well-deserved rest”

“Couldn’t agree more” Noctis stretched his arms and yawned openly. “Could use a nap”

They started marching while I stood back for a brief moment. I needed to take a deep breath and calm myself before I joined them and pretended as though I hadn’t been left scarred to a small extent due to that incident.

Prompto was the one to slow down and look back at me. I knew Ignis would have too, yet he knew I needed a moment alone.

I did my best to dedicate my friend a convincing smile, which he reciprocated as he focused his vibrant cobalt eyes back ahead. I reluctantly followed, closing my shaky hands into tight fists and demanding my legs to properly support my weight.

When we camped that night, I barely managed to eat anything, even if Ignis was alright and back to normal, completely recovered except for the occasional minor discomfort on his arm. His meal was as delicious as usual, yet my stomach wouldn’t allow me to shove anything into it. It felt queasy and anxious.

Anxiety had taken over me as I became obsessed with a particular thought that disturbed me. It wasn’t the fact that Ignis got hurt that upset me. It was the idea that I could lose him.

Him getting injured had opened my eyes and had made me realize that we were carrying out a perilous purpose. We weren’t just going to Altissia anymore, things had changed. We aimed to help Noctis regain his throne, to take revenge against the Empire. That wasn’t an easy task, and certainly not a safe one. And as obvious as it was, it never occurred to me that any of us could get badly hurt. I had taken for granted our skills and felt better knowing we had each other. But we weren’t invincible, none of us. Anyone could die at any given moment, and the idea terrified me deeply. It kept me from carrying out a functioning behavior.

I excused myself saying I wanted to do some more training of my own. And at first I did, but I soon lost motivation seeing as I couldn’t focus.

The thought of losing Ignis, or anyone at all, terrified me. Not only that, as it also made me feel guilty. Not only because he had gotten hurt to protect me on the first place. But I was supposed to be serene, keep my mind clear and not panic. That was what made me such a wonderful addition to the Council. But I supposed there was no Council anymore. However, I still felt the weight of my duty crushing me. What help would I be for Noctis if I crumbled so easily?

Surely, it was childish to be feeling like that. The journey was opening my eyes to that side of myself, to the vulnerable part of me that uncovered the scared little girl within me.

Ignis did this every day and didn’t seem bothered, even if he had openly told me that I could relax, that I needn’t put myself under that kind of pressure. But I wanted to be like him, I was used to being like him. I had been surrounded by the king and his politicians for so long that I had lost myself along the way. I had been conditioned to behave like that, to hide my emotions and thoughts except for those concerning the future of the kingdom. To remain calm and unfazed even if I wasn’t good at it.

Surely, with Ignis and Gladiolus being there, I had no obligation to carry that weight upon my shoulders anymore. Without King Regis or any politicians surrounding me. Yet I felt like I needed to nonetheless.

I was tired. I was fed up with having to hide myself, with living life only by the king’s guidelines. I was on that journey to keep an eye on Prince Noctis and make sure I was there for him, and I was determined to heed His Highness’ commands.

All I needed to do was vent a little, maybe cry for a short period of time to feel better. After that, I should be feeling fine. Even if I thought that after what happened when we found out Insomnia fell would be the last.

My conscience was reminding me that I could approach Ignis about it, tell him my worries and concerns because deep down he knew even if he didn’t want to address the situation for my sake. Or for the sake of my pride. Yet I didn’t want to burden him with it. Nor to shatter that image of me he had created over the years, of a strong young woman, wise, calm and collected like him.

Although I was lying to myself. Ignis knew the real me and loved me no matter what.

“Hey” A soft voice startled me, causing me to stop crying immediately. “Alex?”

“Prompto” I replied with the most serene voice I could manage.

“Are you… crying?” He spoke warmly, his tone dripping with concern and empathy. “What’s wrong? Are you still worried?”

“I…” Heaving a shaky sigh, I considered whether I should tell him or not.

Truth was, out of everyone, the idea of confessing my inner struggles to Prompto felt the most natural. With Gladiolus, I just didn’t feel comfortable openly talking about my feelings. With Noctis the idea was ridiculous, almost inconceivable even if we were in better terms. And although I trusted Ignis and was close enough to him, I wanted not to worry him, especially since I knew he would take it upon himself.

But Prompto was… perfect. He would take my feelings in consideration and not judge me or think it was a foolish reason to be troubled. He would hopefully keep our conversation a secret and he might even make me feel better about it.

“You… You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to” Thinking the silence was a bad sign, he hurried to say something. “I want to help but… if you want to be alone…”

“It’s not that” Resigning myself and being aware that he knew I had been crying, I wiped my tears and forced a fake chuckle. “I’m not used to talking about these sort of things, that’s all”

Prompto sent a reassuring smile my way as he sat down next to me, his cobalt blue eyes watching me attentively.

“I’m all ears if you wanna talk” His upbeat demeanor was back, replacing the concern that made me so uncomfortable. I knew he was doing it for my sake, to try and cheer me up instead of dwelling on whatever was upsetting me. One of the things I liked about Prompto.

“I just… feel like I’m suffocating, you know?” I sighed to relief the tightness in my chest. “Like I’ve been someone I’m not for too long and it’s too much pressure now”

I thought back to when we thought Prompto had gotten gravely injured as we fought the dualhorns. I realized I disguised my concern with anger and lack of patience.

“Why are you someone you’re not?” His interest and curiosity gave me strength to keep on talking about it. It made me feel like it wasn’t so absurd after all, like my anxiety was valid.

“In order to belong into King Regis’ Council I needed to be serious, correct” As I was speaking those words, I sat up straight as soon as I realized I was hunching forward slightly. “Act politely and gravely, be calm and serene”

“I see” Prompto uttered lowly, almost sad.

I just kept talking, wanting to fill the silence but also needing to get rid of all those thoughts that were starting to eat me alive. Those struggles I had been dealing with on my own.

“When Ignis got hurt, I… didn’t feel like I could show how frightened I truly was, even if I wasn’t in the Council Room anymore”

“Is this about Ignis?” Prompto guessed shyly. “You do know he didn’t get hurt badly, he’s okay now”

“No, it’s about…” I clicked my tongue, irritated that he wasn’t understanding what I implied.

“It’s about you” He corrected himself, making me nod in confirmation. “But that’s silly!”

I glared gravely at him when he let out a soft chuckle to accompany his words.

“No! I mean…” My friend began to panic, knowing he had offended me. “What I mean is that you shouldn’t be afraid to be yourself, right?”

“Exactly… Yet I am”

“But why? Why do you have to be someone you’re not?”

“Because it’s my responsibility! All my life I’ve been surrounded by the Council, by the King, by Ignis! I needed to maintain that image to fit in!”

“So with great power comes great responsibility?” Why did it feel like he had just quoted something?

“I suppose…” I sighed in defeat. “That’s why I can’t really allow to be myself completely”

“You’re right” Prompto paused. “How can we be your friends? You’re being yourself? Pf, how dare you! You have to be whoever we want you to be”

I had to chuckle a little with his exaggerated tone that only meant to let me know he was joking. He was just trying to lighten up the mood, and he somehow did it.

An immediate grin arrived to his lips when he heard me laugh.

“Alex, we don’t need another Ignis” The blond placed a reassuring and friendly arm over my shoulders. “We already have him!”

This time a genuine guffaw of laughter escaped my lips, something in his tone was extremely funny to me. Or perhaps it was the fact that I felt allowed to laugh after so long holding myself back.

“We do need an Alex, though” As he chuckled, he closed his eyes slightly in an adorable way.

I looked into his blue eyes as they glanced at me, which I found to be extremely comforting. All of a sudden, the loving and bright look in them helped me take a deep breath after such a long time in which I couldn’t really breathe.

Prompto made me feel like I was allowed to be myself. I was opening up to him and he didn’t mind, in fact he seemed to feel lucky that I did, that he got to know me better.

“Thank you, Prompto”

“Don’t mention it” He smiled at me so widely that his eyes nearly closed, and then he nodded with energy. “Wanna go back? Ignis actually sent me because we should be going to sleep now”

He pointed a thumb over his shoulder, in the direction where our camp was.

I just nodded, unable to refrain myself from staring at him in admiration. His behavior was so caring and loving, even if we weren’t close friends. Even if we had met not too long ago and he was the only one out of the group that I didn’t know before we set off, yet we had some sort of special connection, we understood each other.

He had no obligation to go out of his way to make me feel better either. It was heartwarming to see how much of an effort he made to comfort me when I needed it, even if it could be unpleasant to go through those bad moments with someone. But he didn’t mind, he just wanted to help.

The blond held his arms up to hug me, but soon put them down again. He had hesitated because he didn’t want to disrupt my boundaries, he knew I wasn’t as much of a physical person as himself. So he awkwardly laughed and scratched the back of his head, turning around.

He had started walking, imagining I would be following closely. Yet something within me stopped me from doing so as I observed him. A grin took over my lips, and I let out a happy chuckle.

Perhaps Ignis felt uncomfortable about physical affection, yet I somehow craved it. And I should stop behaving like another Ignis and like myself instead.

“Prompto” I called him, unaware as to why my heart had suddenly sped up.

“Yeah?”

I threw myself to hug him, craving the embrace I didn’t get when he thought twice. Hoping he didn’t mind, I nuzzled my nose on his shoulder and smiled a little.

Prompto let out a soft giggle, out of surprise and shock. Yet his arms returned the hug nonetheless. They felt warm and welcoming around me and made me feel at ease. I didn’t really know it was all I needed until I experienced the closeness.

How was it possible that a mere embrace could solve everything so suddenly? Like magic.

Ever since we left Lucis in this journey, I felt drawn to Prompto. It was irrational and nearly impossible, but it felt like he could see through me. Like our bubbly friend understood who I was even though I acted like someone else. Like he looked into my soul.

I just gave into his embrace, treasuring the feeling of a true long hug. Something that, oddly enough, I hadn’t experienced in a very long time. I also took the luxury to tighten the hug, taking a small step towards becoming who I truly wanted to be. Who I felt like. Who I was.

Prompto made me feel comfortable, made me feel like I could be myself around him. Perhaps he would help me spread this attitude until I could be myself around the others. Starting with Ignis.

Tagging list: @prince-of-wind. Remember that you can be tagged if you want to be notified of new chapters, just let me know, guys ;)

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v-le · 7 years

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Kdrama: Tomorrow With You Review

Forewarning: There are moments within this review in which I sort of abandon any sense of professionalism, oops. Enjoy! *images to be added soon.

The OTP

Same age in real life omg I've never seen a pair so perfect.

NO SECOND LEADS. I absolutely love it when the focus is only on the mains, with no pointless distractions or love triangles that go no where. I love it. i rly do

cute cute cute cute times a million

They honestly looked like a legitimate couple, I feel like I could spot several moments when they even broke through their actual characters and ad-libbed it out or something

Many people were also complaining about how slow (I assume they meant relationship progression???) it was, and got annoyed over their "back-and-forth-ness"?? honest to god, yes they were so beautiful that I barely noticed it. But also, it was so logical to me, the process they went through in which they lied to each other & then failed to communicate until later. Like, it didn’t piss me off because it made sense...? I didn’t see anything wrong with it? It went a little like:

Yoo So-joon hits on her because he knows how they’re connected by death.

He tries to shake her off, but realizes who she really is (a fellow survivor).

He becomes interested again.

THEY FCKING GET MARRIED in FCKING EP 4 IF THAT IS SLOW TO U, THEN STFU AND GTFO

He obvi don’t love her fully, but she’s already heads over heels

She feels suspicious af and he doesn’t tell her stuff (that even his friends know). And he gets angry easily while he tries to protect his ppl, but keeps his secret hidden.

She got sick and he pulls off his romantic but materialistic resolution.

He opens up to her a little bit more and they cry it out.

He makes a wrong move again and then is basically forced to reveal his secret.

She’s like what the actual fuck is wrong with you, but comes to terms with it.

They get closer, but she feels empty because she rly don’t know much about him and he is as careless as ever.

Her heart breaks over the reality of him disappearing so easily.

So-joon is slowly realizing the future that’s in store for them.

Tries to call it quits and play noble idiot, but she won’t take his fake, snarky ass.

So they make up and he really really really realizes that he must change the future, no matter what. He has nothing left for her him but her.

He tries hard. but doesn’t try hard enough.

By the time he disappears & she waits for two years, they are basically one heart.

By the time they reunite they are the cutest couple in the world.

I think a big issue people had with So-joon’s character was that "he didn’t love her" when they got married, but I think that wording is extremely misleading and not entirely accurate. Yes, I don’t think that at that point he could say "I love you" to her with sincerity, but it’s not like he flat out was disgusted by her or hated her…?? It was more like, he was not fully aware of what he was getting himself into, by getting married. Not just to her, but the concept of marriage and the commitments that come with it in the first place. That was what he was not on board with, which is how he may have come off as indifferent. But we all knew that Song Ma-rin would change him for the better because the ones with flawed intuition always get taught a good lesson or two from their loved ones.

DO U KNOW how MaNY times he was shirtless WITh HEr?????

I swear I think I counted properly, but they kissed like 9+ times and probably hugged like 15+ times like omfg I’m pretty sure that is a record

Can I also just mention that for me, when a couple wipes each other's tears, like when one of them actually takes their fingers and smushes the falling teardrops, that is just game set. To me, that solidifies their relationship as one where 1) they aren’t embarrassed to cry in front of each other 2) they care enough to show tender affection for each other 3) they sympathize together. And that is exactly what they did. MORE THAN ONCE excuse me.

The Plot

A lot of people complained about the various flaws within the actions of the characters and the mechanics of time-travelling. Honestly… like I mentioned earlier, since the OTP was so convincing to me, the holes in logic kinda flew past my head. Like, I didn’t dissect them too deeply because I was so distracted, or I just didn’t bother

Don’t you see that their progression only felt natural?? You start out with one side that is overconfident about the commitment as if he’s strolling through a park while the other is lovestruck, but always smart enough to know when bullshit is going on, and is never afraid to call the other out for it. It only took a matter of time for them to find real and genuine appreciation for each other, and it was worth it.

"WTF were you thinking moments" & justification:

So-joon letting Song Ma-rin go home by herself while Kim Young-jin was still lurking. Ok I have no solution to this like you honestly....DID YOU NOT LEARN FROM AHJUSSHI THAT YOU BASICALLY GOTTA STICK TO THE PERSON LIKE GUM IF YOU WANT THEM TO BE SAFE?? U HAVE TO HAVE THEM IN UR SIGHTS AT ALL TIMES.

So-joon getting onto subway and ultimately getting stabbed. Ok, he even said himself that he wanted to catch him with his own hands because if he doesn’t now, he'll get away and who knows how much more havoc he could wreak? The police would do no good being there blatantly, and so he had to hold out since he was the bait anyway. He just should’ve been smarter with defense, like c’mon man let’s not get cocky with your fighting skills now.

So-joon letting her run onto the street. Ok yes, he def should’ve reacted faster and realized what kinda danger she would be in after being aware of it for like 2 years aiya. But I assume it was a spur-of-the-moment, blinded happiness kinda thing. They were cute af and they were happy and like who really thinks that hard y’know???

So-joon just bracing himself and Ma-rin for the car crash. He was facing their deaths, I assume. Yes, they could’ve just jumped out of the way, but at the same time, he had already mentioned that he just wanted to enjoy the small moments they have together, instead of always trying to cheat and change fate. If they were meant to die in that moment, he was going to take it as is. (which is lightweight greedy bc wb marin???? but whateves lol).

I really do think that the story-line was extremely tightly woven to begin with. Even up until episode 16, we saw scenes from episode 1, and vice versa; everything fell into place perfectly and the details were down to each minute of their lives. Everything was very clearly thought out and i felt like they picked and pulled at certain pieces at the proper times and revealed others at the most crucial of times, too. Props to the writing team for creating such a complex & dynamic web of characters and events that spanned nearly 3 decades.

The Cinematography

Stunnnningggggg. Especially that iconic moment in episode 1 when he pulled her out of the path of an oncoming truck and talked to her for the first time, like the way the sunlight was hitting the camera, it was just something else I swear.

Overall, the colors were warm and fluffy, but the future def always looked more bleak and dry and dark. Beautiful dualism with a strong impact.

Also can I just mention that when So-joon disappears, it’s also very mystifying, the fast wisps are quite a touch.

Also ngl the couple themself was extremely aesthetic; like they are both very attractive people & when attractive people cuddle a part of you kinda just dies inside, y’know??

The Emotions

Ok I admit that my reactions were probably overboard because I was so attached

but straight up this is the kind of drama my heart was searching for.

I always love it so so so so much, (although realistically speaking, it’s only fantasy ones that can pull this off w/o it being some noble idiocy shit) when the force that is keeping a couple apart is a force that is greater than themselves. It’s more than them just choosing to not be together. It’s them wanting so desperately to be together, but circumstances, in the best kind, life and death ones, prevent them from doing so. The reason I like these kind of situations so much is seriously because that’s where all the love comes out. The pain of love.

It was so so so soooooo excruciatingly painful to watch So-joon and Ma-rin's future unfold the exact way he saw it would. It tore me to pieces because I could feel Ki-doong's hopelessness from losing his best friend to a murderer, Ma-rin's deathly painful heartbreak from simply NOT knowing what in the world is going on or what will happen (and for her dad to tell her to move on), but just having to wait, and So-joon's very own inability to fix it all. Oh dear lord watching him visit her grave in the future where she no longer exists, that shattered my sanity because it hurt so much.

I literally cried in the smallest of moments. When he disappeared in front of her eyes, I burst into tears along with her because her crying was so beautiful (yes, actually tho), but at the same time, I felt it deep down inside. It felt trivial, to cry over that one moment, but it also meant so much more than that. It represented a real fear of losing your loved one, and o dear lord i can’t.

Like I said, the heartbreak was everything I’ve been wanting. It felt so raw. In those moments where even he cried because he was so scared for the future (after eating in the tent with ahjusshi, calling ahjusshi on the phone in the cafe, reading her letters sent to him from her past self), knowing how much was on the line, and how much he just wanted it to be okay, it hurt so much because I had so much hope along with him. I honestly didn’t expect them to allow their future to play out the exact way he saw it; I rly thought that they’d pull some plot twists because that’s what dramas do......... and so when everything really did unfold painfully, my heart was unprepared and it tore apart. Even though I knew that they would be together in the end no matter what, I didn’t know how, and everything still hurt like fking crazy.

I know a drama does it right when I can feel the pain physically in my own chest. When it suddenly feels so heavy and ache-y that I kinda wanna give up in life a little bit. That's when a drama pulled the right strings & carved a good-sized void in my heart.

The Special Connections

I, tbh only decided to watch this because I found out that Kim Feel, my eternally favorite musician, sang an OST for it, and I was feeling extra down from his military enlistment. What a beautiful gem he brought me to. When his voice played at the still frames in the ends of some episodes, my heart filled with this indescribable sort of happiness and longing.

The "seoul station" that So-joon refers to is actually called Si-cheong station, one I manage to catch a geofilter for back when I was in Korea!!!!!!!!!!! It was an exciting discovery, to find out that the exact route So-joon takes back and forth is one that I have traveled on myself.

Idk if this really has to do with anything, but the director also directed Oh My Ghostess and King of High School, so everyone kept saying that this drama would be a rom com BUT BOY WAS THAT SHIT DARK AS F*CK IDK WHAT Y’ALL HAD IN MIND BUT like, no no, no, that was nowhere close to the other 2 dramas he made. It was a beautiful change of atmosphere nonetheless.

The Message

The fact that Ma-rin is a photographer speaks volumes. For a man who is infatuated with the future and has lost focus of the present, just one photograph can speak volumes. A photograph captures the present and instills a moment in time. For Marin, this is what her life's work depended on; this is what she lived by. Capturing the present and cherishing individual seconds in time. And for So-joon, this is exactly the kind of person he needed to save him from himself and his future selves. So so so beautifully laid out.

Even just the ending line: "today". Like akjfkjdagkahkgdhlanjak, if you don’t get the message from this then you are just... idk wtf you’ve been watching LOL. Granted, the drama is called "Tomorrow With You", but clearly that is not what they are tryna get at. That was the theme throughout the entirety of the drama with So-joon being an apprehensive wuss, but the reality of it is to face the present, and live for a today with you. Love love love <3

Favorite Moments

When he asks "So... do you like me?" and she replies "Was there ever a time when I didn't????" LIKE IDK something about the trivial-ness of both statements yet how deep they hit home.... like obviously, they like each other or else they wouldn’t have gotten so far. But the fact that he had a need to reiterate that, and the fact that she was like "dude have I not made myself clear how much I like u" like that is just so adorably cute and squishy goals to me omggg.

When she sniffs him as they walk home from dinner and giggles and says "Hehehe husband smell" OMG WHY R THEY SO FREAKING CUTE I JUST--.

When he disappeared right before her eyes, it shattered everything in me.

When he grabbed her and saved her from the accident, it was one 2-sec move that altered entire lifetimes, for better or for worse. It was beautifully shot, despite it being an extremely cliche move. It’s okay. It was gorgeous and it’s def my favorite wrist grab to date LOL.

When he started crying because he saw the car accident on the news and he legit was dropping tears, but she laughed it off and hugged him and her smile was so sweet and innocent but he’s legit in agony and it was just so cute and heartbreaking at the same time LIKE HONESTLY that phrase is what describes this drama in a nutshell. Heartbreakingly beautiful.

Despite its flaws, this drama was honestly what I’ve been looking for so so so long. It’s definitely not my number 1 because there were things it could’ve done better, and each episode did not stand out like a number 1 drama should have, but it definitely tore me to pieces, out of joy AND despair. I loved it to bits and I will never forget this gorgeous couple and their journey that transcended time.

#tomorrow with you #kdrama review #내일 그대와

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