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clean-bands-dirty-stories · 4 years

Text

Ablaze ~ S.R.

A/n: Haaaaaaaaaa so y'all liked that Spencer Reid fic I did huh? lol I'm glad

Request: "Could you do a Reid x male reader where the team is in Cali following an arsonist and the readers a firefighter (and Reids bf but the team doesn’t know that) and somehow the reader gets into a confrontation with the arsonist and has to use what Reid has “taught him”/talked about to try and deescalate the situation" by @sheepfather

Word Count: 2400+

Masterlist

They met when Y/n's team was putting out the fire and Reid's team was rushing to the scene to see if their arsonists was still around. The BAU had been dragged to California because it seemed that a killer was on the lose. They couldn't figure out the connections of the victims, but they were all dying in horrible fires. It turned out that someone wasn't setting fires to kill people, just that they were setting fires that happened to kill people. There wasn't a killer on the loose. There was an arsonist.

When I say "they" I don't mean Y/n and Reid by the way. The two boys actually went way back. They'd met in Vegas at a party neither of them wanted to be at. Y/n had been going through a rough time and Reid wasn't good in social situations and they'd ended up in the same corner and just enjoyed the mutual silence. After they'd found peace in each other Y/n had rested his head on Reid's shoulder and Reid was surprised to see that it didn't bother him. They'd run into each other again at the local library of all places. There they'd exchanged names first and then numbers soon after. After that, they'd spent more and more time together. They had to work around work and school schedules (only Y/n went to school anymore, but it was still an issue) but eventually it went from hang outs to date and then suddenly they were boyfriends instead of best friends.

The "they" I meant was actually Y/n and the rest of the BAU. None of Spencer's friends knew about Y/n. It wasn't like he was ashamed or hiding anything, it was just that it never came up. Everyone assumed Spencer was single and would always be, and Spencer didn't care enough to correct them. He wasn't into PDA either so the team didn't figure it out themselves. What they could tell was that they knew each other. It was nice to see Spencer be comfortable around someone outside of work, but Spencer hated talking about his personal life so people tried to ask as little as possible.

Working together was fun though. Y/n knew him very well, down to every micro sign of each emotion. Whenever Spencer got anxious or confused or was really focused and needed to be alone, Y/n always reacted appropriately. It came with knowing him for many years. It was also very helpful when Spencer was profiling and giving information to the other firefighters to keep a look out in case they arrived when the arsonist did. The firefighters, of course, were who made up Y/n's team, as Y/n was a firefighter as well. They had lots of questions though, and even more doubt. Y/n showed very early on that he knew Spencer's capabilities, so when they got too dubious or went to interrupt him, Y/n was quick to cut them off. It made JJ, Emily, and Morgan smile.

One day Morgan prodded. He walked up to Y/n, leaning against the wall next to the boy. "How far back do you and Reid go?"

Y/n was drinking water so he finished his gulp before answering. "Further back then Reid being in the BAU," Y/n responded. "I was still in high school He wasn't, of course, but-" He shrugged, chuckling. "We both lived in Vegas for a while. The relationship carried even when we moved away."

Morgan nodded. "You like him?"

"I'd like to think so." Y/n tried to hide a smile. He could tell them that he was Spencer's boyfriend, but what was the fun in that? "I'd even say I was in love with him."

That seemed to surprise Morgan. "Oh." He looked at Reid and then Y/n, obviously confused. If Y/n was so sure of his feelings, why did it seem like they were just friends? "Does Reid feel the same?"

Y/n considered that. "I don't know. I don't think Spencer and I have ever been on the same emotional playing field. Usually when I feel one thing he's feeling something else... But even then, no one ever seems to feel the same way about each other." Y/n shook his head. "I'm a psychology major, ignore me. What you want to know is if Spencer loves or likes me or whatever. But I can't speak for him." With that, Y/n left and Morgan only had more questions. Were they together or not?

His question was answered on one very bad night that almost cost Reid everything.

Lina Mare was a local sweetheart. She was kind of quiet and shy, but she liked Y/n. They were friends at least - Lina was in college. Y/n seemed to have a knack of befriending awkward, shy, or quiet people. People that couldn't quite get along with anyone else. So when she came into the fire station that day, it wasn't totally weird. She'd never visited Y/n at work before, but that didn't stop Y/n from greeting her when she came in. Nothing else was going on- why not?

She looked upset though. "Hey, you okay Lee?" He asked, touching her shoulder.

The girl leaned into his touch and his eyebrows came together, wondering if maybe she felt dizzy. Her eyes were clear though and her expression was set and clear. Her features were sharp and her gaze was like someone running a knife along his skin. Dangerous and seconds from doing damage. "I'm not," she told him. "I need you to stop, Y/n."

Y/n looked at one of his teammates behind her head. They made eye contact and the other man stood at the ready in case he needed to act. Y/n had a very bad feeling about what was happening. He didn't know why, he just felt like something bad was about to happen. "Stop what?" He asked her softly.

Lina looked right into his eyes, seeming to see something amazing. Her gaze softened, but didn't become any less dangerous. Just a little more uncontrolled. "The fires. You can't stop them. You have to stop putting them out."

It clicked immediately in Y/n's head. He looked at Lina's hands, still in her pockets. "Why don't we go outside and-?"

"No," Lina snapped, tugging out of his reach. "You have to stop putting them out!"

"Okay," Y/n cooed, putting both of his hands up so she could see that he was unarmed. He recalled everything Spencer had ever taught him. Anything he'd been told about in stories, or things Spencer had complained people often did wrong. "Can I at least let my friends go outside?"

She considered that a second before nodding. "But we stay."

"Okay," Y/n assured. He looked at the other fireman he'd warned before. Daniel. "Take everyone outside, will you please? Make sure everyone is there that needs to be." Daniel nodded before running off. Thankfully people trusted Y/n's judgment. Soon the building was empty. "Why don't you take your hands out of your pockets, Lina?" He knew they'd call the police. If he stalled long enough no one would get hurt. He'd gotten as many people safe as he could. Now he had to keep Lina calm until they could solve this.

A sigh came from the younger girl but she agreed. In one hand she had a lighter. Now that it was free of her pocket, she flicked it on and off every few seconds. "You're so oblivious, you know that?" She moved further into the fire station, toward the back of the truck. Y/n followed, wanting to keep her in sight so she couldn't do anything too stupid. "You don't get anything."

"What did I miss Lina?" Y/n asked, trying to stay casual.

She rolled her eyes. "I'm in love with you." Y/n froze, both because of her word and also because she'd stopped down and hooked her fingers around a canister of gasoline. She vegan to move back into the building and when he didn't follow, she snapped, "Come on." He swallowed before obeying. She was getting agitated and he didn't want to set her off. She began to pour out the can all over the floor.

"Wait Lina-" She turned on her lighter and let it hover over the pouring gas. Y/n stopped dead in his tracks.

"You know Y/n I've tried for months." She let her lighter out, but kept it at the ready. "I tried everything to get you to realize how I felt about you. But you just kept laughing and it was so frustrating. I thought, it wouldn't help to be mad at you all the time. I'd have no time that way. So I did something I haven't done in a long time. I managed to keep myself under control for years. But you made me so angry, I had to let it out some way. So I burned. Little things."

Y/n's jaw hardened. "You killed people."

"I KNOW!" Lina sneered. "It wasn't on purpose! But fire is alive, Y/n. And it has wants and needs. And it grows. Who am I to stop it?" Y/n felt his stomach turn. "Then you made it even worse. You came rushing in every time and put them out. And suddenly I had a new reason to be angry. I'd almost forgotten about you. Until I saw your stupid, pretty face through the window and realized you were one of these stupid people putting my fires out. Of all people, OF COURSE it had to be you, huh?" She scoffed and Y/n's mind raced as he tried to figure out how to stop this. Lina went back and got three more cans, pouring those out too. Y/n could do nothing, as she kept her lighter at the ready. The whole floor was covered in oil now and her lighter was alight. "So I figured, get rid of the problem you know? No more fire fighters. No more you. No more me."

Fuck.

Y/n began moving to her. She tried to move away, but he forced a smile. "What, you're scared of me now? What am I going to do? I'd never hurt you Lina, you know that." She relaxed again. "I was just thinking, you know, I feel the same way." He tried not to cringe at the words. He was like seven years older than her and had a boyfriend but SURE, he liked her too. He knew that he had to get her to calm down. Trust him. He'd heard it a million times from Spencer. You give them what they want until you find your opening.

Her eyes widened in surprise. "You do?"

Nodding, Y/n chuckled softly. "Of course I do. I just thought, I'm too old for you. Of course you'd never like me back. If I had known... Well, like you said, I'm completely oblivious."

She giggled, her eyes watering. "I knew it. Everyone said that you were into that- that- that weird guy from the FBI. But I KNEW we were made for each other." They were close now. The lighter was out and Y/n was inches from getting it out of her hand. Then she did something that totally knocked him off of his feet. They heard sirens and she ignored them, because of course why would the police be after her? She ignored them and she kissed Y/n and he was so stunned that he almost forgot about the lighter.

Finally Y/n's fingers closed around the lighter and he yanked it from her grip. She pushed him away and they parted. She shoved the lighter in his back pocket, moving to her quickly and wrapping her arms around her to force her to be still. She thrashed and kicked until they ended up with Y/n on his back, arms and legs all wrapped around her to keep her firmly in place even as she screamed and moved her head. It meant, unfortunately, that Y/n's face was nearly completely in the oil.

When the door finally opened and police came in, Y/n was relieved to let her go. His head was spinning and his vision was blurring as his eyes burned. She was handcuffed and taken away and he ignored what she was saying as she screamed at him.

It was Morgan who pulled Y/n to his feet and out of the oil. Who questioned him and got him a towel to wipe off as much oil as he could. Who got him outside and to clean air and who kept everyone back as Y/n processed what just happened and got real air into his lungs.Morgan finally got the story piece by piece and then took it to the others. That was when Reid finally got to his boyfriend.

Y/n leaned away from his touch. Then he started crying, his head full of images of him burning to death. Or Lina burning to death, screaming for him as she did so. Or, even worse, both of them burning to death together. Holy shit...

"She kissed me," Y/n choked out, covering his mouth.

"What can I do to help you?" Spencer asked softly, his eyes wide with worry.

Y/n shook his head before looking at him. "How can you forgive me?"

That seemed to confuse Spencer. "Forgive you for what?"

"She kissed me," he reiterated. "I let her."

Spencer tried not to laugh. "Y/n you were in a stressful situation and because of that, you got the lighter away from her. Because of it, you're safe..." He shook his head, moving closer to take Y/n's face in his hands. "Listen to me. I know I don't say it enough, but I love you, Y/n. Kissing her didn't mean anything other than you being safe today and that is all I care about. I don't even know who would ever consider that cheating. Don't be an idiot." He smiled and Y/n did as well. Spencer wiped the tears off his face. "Now can I take my turn and kiss you or do you need more space?"

Y/n laughed before pulling his boyfriend close by the belt loops. Their noses brushed a second before they finally kissed. It lifted the weird imaged out of his head and the weight off his chest. He was okay. Everyone was okay. That's all that mattered.

"So you guys ARE dating then?" The men looked over to see Emily there, JJ next to her.

"Yes," Spencer answered as if it was the most obvious thing ever. Emily looked at Y/n and then at JJ and then JJ and Y/n looked at each other and suddenly they were all laughing. After the stressful showdown from before, it was nice to laugh. It made Y/n feel better, and everyone seemed to sense that. Unfortunately, just because Spencer understood the laughing helped, he couldn't get why they were laughing at all. "I don't get it. What's so funny?"

They just kept laughing.

#spencer reid #criminal minds #male reader #matthew gray gubler #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid imagine #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds imagine #matthew gray gubler imagine #matthew gray gubler x reader

454 notes · View notes

hyperfixationtimego · 3 years

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Alright we’re trying this angst thing again

Diamond Brothers Angst because I said so

Both Daiya and Mondo have huge self esteem issues bc of the crash

Both think stuff along the lines of what the fuck I could have prevented that

Neither Daiya nor Mondo can sleep very well because when they hear vehicles driving past and the occasional screeching tires they’re back at the scene of the accident

They hear a semi truck rumbling past? Suddenly neither of the brothers remember how to move or breathe properly

They both survived the crash but they were both injured severely bc fuck dude that was a truck that hit them

The Crazy Diamonds witnessed the whole thing and they were Worried™️

And we all know how the Owadas hate being vulnerable

Neither of the brothers could actively ride their motorcycles for a long time after the crash because they couldn’t handle it emotionally

They played off their mental recovery time as time in the hospital

Daiya made Mondo promise not to get back on his motorcycle, much less the road, until he was 100% sure that he was prepared to handle it because what if there’s another freak accident that neither of them have control over

Mondo made Daiya promise the exact same thing because He Cares™️

Mondo has reoccurring nightmares about the crash and often sees Daiya dead in those nightmares

The gang shows up in the nightmares too and they’ve all been hit and it’s all Mondo’s fault and he couldn’t be a good leader because he wasn’t strong enough and why couldn’t he just be more like his brother god fucking dammit

Sometimes he sees Taka or Chihiro in place of Daiya and the Diamonds and that Absolutely Terrifies Him™️

Daiya has reoccurring thoughts about hijacking a truck to hit the driver who hurt him and his little brother

He wants them to feel all the same pain and more that they put the Diamond Brothers through

Daiya has breakdowns over this because even if he is a gang leader, he would not go that far

cue the Am I A Bad Person Complex™️

Mondo does not let himself stim

He doesn’t think it’s manly and it definitely doesn’t fit the Tough Guy™️ act

This leads to worsened focus and next thing you know he and Daiya are having a yelling match at home because if Mondo’s grades drop any lower he’ll be expelled soon and Daiya just wants the best for his brother but nothing works out the way it was planned

One time Mondo received a popsicle stick and paper heart from Taka

He was extremely happy

When he got back to his dorm he was that happy that he was shaking and then oh shit

Mondo broke it

He snapped the popsicle sticks in half

the note that Taka wrote,, it got ripped in the process

Mondo full on sobbed over this for an hour at the least

Actual

Real

Tears

He broke something that Taka— not just his bf, but his best friend— had worked so hard on to make just for him and he fucking broke it like a shit for brains idiot

Mondo is terrified of hurting his friends

Because what if he forgets to take his adhd meds one day and his emotional dysregulation is all fucked up and he has an outburst again and actually hurts his friends

Or what if he takes 2+ doses by accident and focuses too hard and is left staring at one (1) spot and everyone hates him and what if they think he’s a creep

Mondo hates going out of his dorm at night because what if someone else is out and they have a flashlight and now they’re pointing it at him and it’s bright and those are headlights and that’s

that’s his brother

on the ground

not moving

Mondo will start shaking and he’ll break down hyperventilating or freeze on the spot

Either way, he hates being vulnerable

Whaddaya think? :D was that enough angst?

also can you tell that i kin Daiya on the dl bc i too got hit by a moving vehicle to save my young mer sibling from being hit /lh but also srs lmfo

HEY TINK??? HEY TINK????????

GodDAMN make me cry over this shit oKAY-

also sorry this took ✨forever✨ I had to gather my Thoughts™️ and my brain did not want to work today 😌

also before we get into my things, tw for trauma (obviously), unhealthy coping mechanisms, underage smoking/drug relapse/smoking as a crutch, and suicidal ideation (passive, but still there)

First of all, y e a h oh my god?? There is literally so much internalized guilt for both of them,,,,,like they rlly do have episodes sometimes where they just. Play over the events of what lead up to the crash in their heads and fixate on what they could have done differently,,,,,even though in the moment they both did their best? Like “well, I shouldn’t have taken us down this street” or “if I had acted quicker, maybe it wouldn’t have happened” and.....yeah those thoughts really fuck with them, y’know?

and 100% that unexpected/overwhelming vehicle noises and/or presences are nearly debilitating. Honestly, I imagine that Mondo can’t go hang out with Leon and Taka or whoever else if said people are hanging out in Kaz’s workshop. Owada’s only ever been in there once and immediately had to leave when he heard Kazuichi starting an engine he was working on. Not to mention being surrounded by a shit ton of vehicles, even if they were idle, had kept him on-edge the entire thirty seconds he was able to handle it.

They both deal with a lot of phantom pain, as well. Like something triggers them and suddenly, even if they’re able to remain in the moment and keep conscious of their surroundings, they somehow feel every ache, every twinge of pain, every breaking bone, or bruised patch of skin that they felt on that day. It’s a lot more prominent in Daiya than it is with Mondo, but they do both experience it!

And neither one lets the other know when they’re feeling like shit or having an episode because 😌 Daiya. wants to be strong. for his little brother. and Mondo. sees his brother basically functioning like a typical person. and figures that there’s something wrong with him. because he can’t get over what happened.

Takemichi is absolute shit with Emotions and being vulnerable or getting people to open up to him, but he’s like..........internally these bitches are Not Okay what the fuck am I supposed to do about it???? So he kind of...tries to hint to both of them that he’s worried? Without making it obvious or embarrassing them, but he’s like.......fuck these assholes.......making me be the one to make them realize they need help goddamnit........

And michi exhibiting a change in behavior is pretty 👀 because. it’s michi I mean he’s not just gonna change the way he talks in front of u for nothing, u know? So both Daiya and Mondo are actually able to pick up on it, although their reactions differ pretty greatly.

Like Daiya’s first thought is “wow, he’s worried, that’s really sweet of him. Better convince him everything’s okay.”

Meanwhile Mondo’s is “wow, he’s worried. my stupid emotional turmoil is that obvious. he must think I’m some sorta fuckin idiot for not being able to get over it. or selfish. or both. yeah, probably both.”

Also I think Daiya’s pretty perceptive in general? Like he can Tell™️ that something’s going on with his brother, but........yeah emotional conversations....vulnerability......that’s rlly neither of their strong suits. + he also figures that if it were something mondo were really really really having trouble with, he would come talk to him!

And so Daiya has absolutely no concept of just how Not Good his brother is doing right now hbbvvvv

So he settles for being like “I’m just gonna stay strong and act like the memories and intrusive thoughts aren’t affecting me in any way because I want to be a good role model” (which. is not healthy obv)

oh g o d the nightmares

they are so horrible and vivid and concentrated at times that Mondo simply.....refuses to sleep. He’s exhausted, both mentally and physically, and yet he can’t bring himself to close his eyes because he knows what he’ll see if he does.

And of course it affects him to the point that his friends start to become worried. Like Taka notices a stark increase in tardiness or general absences, and, after an initial assumption that it was simply Mondo choosing not to care about his academics again, realized that there was probably a lot more going on than he realized. He really, really wanted to bring it up and let his boyfriend know that he’ll always be there for him no matter what, but he couldn’t quite figure out how to articulate it properly. The farthest he gets is with the question, “is everything okay?”

And as much as Mondo wants to respond to him by saying that no, in fact, everything is not okay, everything sucks and everything hurts and he’s tired and he hates himself and sometimes he wishes that the crash had killed him, but that’s selfish so he should shut up- he just.....can’t bring himself to open himself up like that. Yes, he and Ishi are dating, so logically he should be able to tell him all this, but.....it’s so much. It’s too much. Too much to think, too much to feel, let alone try to explain. So he shuts himself up with a quick, curt, “Yeah.”

And....Taka knows he’s lying. He’s not sure how he knows, but he does. And it hurts to see someone he loves so much in such a state of anguish, and basically be unable to do anything about it because....how is he supposed to respond? What is he supposed to say? Navigating everyday interaction is difficult enough without having to improv something that could affect his partner’s mental health indefinitely. So....he does his best. Which isn’t enough, really, but it’s something.

“You can tell me anything.”

Mondo wants to believe him.

—

Another side of that same coin is Mondo skipping class a lot more than is typical for him. It’s almost always with Leon, but he’s also begun slipping away on his own, occasionally, as well, now.

And....y’know, at first, Leon thought it was super rad that Owada and he were skipping more! Like it used to be that Kuwata would offer for them to miss the next class, and Mondo’s usual answer would be ‘not today,’ and then Leon would keep bugging him about it until Mondo either gave in or told him to fuck off.

But....there’s just something about how it went from Leon being constantly shut down, to being told yes around the first few times the idea was brought up, to how, suddenly, Kuwata wasn’t even the one asking, anymore. It’s....depressing? Uncomfortable?

There’s also the fact that hanging out while they’re cutting just....isn’t as fun as it used to be? Leon’ll crack jokes or come up with stupid dares, and Mondo’s responses will be noncommittal at best. And Leon’s had enough experience with sleep deprivation to know it in his friends when he sees it.

He’s never been put in this situation before - usually it’s kuwata having some sort of stupid episode and usually it’s owada who’ll tell him to chill the fuck out and think rationally about things, but....Mondo acts a lot different when he’s upset than Leon does. He smokes more. Cuts himself off from everyone. Doesn’t engage with anything.

It’s different with people like Toko, or Makoto, or Kaz, because Leon knows what they need. He knows whether or not they need vulnerability, or a physical presence, or tough love, or tactile grounding, or a willing ear or shoulder to cry on, but with Mondo......he just isn’t sure.

So Leon doesn’t comment.

——-

Chihiro’s probably the one to get him to open up about it ngl.

ANYWAY-

y e a h Daiya intrusive thoughts?????? fuck yeah???? absolutely??????

god yeah I rlly feel him on that ngl hbhdbdbdbbb

and MONDO DARLING 🥺

god okay it SUCKS because????? he doesn’t judge his friends for stimming????? Like he sees his friends fidgeting or repeating phrases or rocking back and forth and he’s like???? Hell yeah you go u funky kid ilysm

But when it comes to himself????? he’s like if I do anything aside from stay perfectly still, I’m weird and bad and a failure so I simply Will Not

he’s wrong but it doesn’t change the fact that he feels that way ❤️

hhhvhvvdd I’m also a slut for daiya doing his best as a makeshift parental figure,,,,,,,like fuck dude okay,,,,,,as an older sibling who also loves and cares about their younger sibs but often finds emotionally connecting with them to be difficult,,,,,,,,,mood??? And having all of that amplified by rlly being his younger bro's only support in his home life,,,,,,,like ok mr. owada go off

he feels a lot of pressure to get it right and make sure that Mondo's doing okay, so the grades really worry him. but, of course, grades are a touchy subject with mondo regardless, so as u said it devolves into arguments and yelling and a lot of defensiveness!!

and god okay,,,,,,,the heart rlly got me,,,,,,,like that hurt. it rlly hurt man okay damn

honestly??? I think that might be the thing that gets him to break. like that might be his final straw.

because when they meet up again, Ishi asks him about it and whether or not he liked it. And Mondo just.

fucking.

breaks.

down.

He’s shaking and he’s crying and there’s snot running down his nose and this is so ugly and so not manly but he can’t stop. he can’t stop. Because there is this sweet, gentle, kind, sweet, beautiful, darling, sweet man before him who did something so nice for him, something he didn’t deserve, and he destroyed it.

Like he destroys everything.

And so when Taka panics and asks him what’s wrong (yes Ishi gets worried that he did something bad and yes ishi also gets worried that his boyfriend didn’t like the present because hdbdvdvd kin 💛) owada just. spills everything. and he doesn’t even begin with the gift??? he starts with apologies upon apologies, many of them incoherent, and many of them with Mondo not even certain what he’s apologizing for, just that he knows he needs to

and ofc Taka is like o-o because wow ok

but after his initial shock, and after Mondo has thoroughly cried himself out and explained everything he could stand to explain at that point in time, Taka just......holds him. And strokes his face, brushing away the tears that have not yet dried, simply offering his body as a weight, as something for Mondo to ground himself with. And it works.

And Taka insists that Mondo has nothing to apologize for, only that he wishes Mondo would have told him what was going on sooner. Because he wants to help. And hearing that just gets Owada’s waterworks going all over again, but he’s still got Ishi there with him. He hasn’t scared him off.

And it’s more than enough.

—

and UGH yeah????? yes absolutely absolutely okay okay so,,,,,,,,mondo comorbid adhd/depression/anxiety

like sir 🤝

got me fucked up smh

honestly he’s probably not diagnosed with the depression or anxiety, either, until something like the incident with ishi prompts him to realize oh wow I’m not okay actually

so yes he 100% does???

he constantly has all of these what if situations swirling around in his brain about what might happen if he fucks up, or does something that he doesn’t qualify as fucking up in the moment, but leads to something awful or painful or harmful for someone else, and he’s just??????? g o d

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cloveroctobers · 3 years

Text

• JENIFER “JEN” MARLOWE •

IG Info/bio: @/justjenw1n | 220k followers | Fashion | just a LUVer who owns a lovely blog that you’re more than welcome to check out here... astoldbyjenmarlowe.co.uk 🪞🛍🪄

22 (24) (25 in 2021) years of age

From London, England

Her family has French origins

Tends to visit once a year mainly with her family

For her 18th bday, her parents also sent her to Paris with her bf that she’s been dating since she was 14

they broke up since he wanted to stay in Paris to pursue his dreams and she felt like she needed to be back home...which she felt Paris was not

Extremely close to her parents, some may say a little TOO close...

See, I feel like jen comes from a family that spoils her where her parents did everything and took care of everything for her. She had the privilege and didn’t have to work too hard to get things she wanted so that made her a little bit different than a few of her friends, hell—even her bf

Didn’t have to work until she reached her twenties

She also didn’t have too many friends because her parents felt like her cousins and/or her sibs were really only allowed to hold that title

However her parents had some sort of a soft spot for her when they allowed her to date her bf at 14 since he came from a nice background...

And to have at least 1-2 best friends...

I can’t decide if I see her having 3 other sibs with her being the second eldest, or her being the eldest with a younger sister? I can also see her being a only child too? Idk y’all can decide

Because her family is a tight knit one, she values everything they say and do...which is canon/evident

She got her thigh tattoo in Paris and even thought about asking her parents permission but her bf talked her out of it

she later showed them that night while he was in the shower. Her mother openly disapproved saying it was, “unladylike or unclean” while her father was more lenient towards it

Her mother even scheduled her for laser appointments but this was one of the things jen was sure of, she loved her tattoo and she didn’t want to erase it from her body which led to her mother not speaking to her for about a month—even tho they live in the same household

I feel like she looks more like her dad with her mom’s hair and smile

Got into fashion due to her maternal grandmother who seemed to live a extravagant life as a old time actress, she always had and owned the finest of things

Jen loved having sleepovers there, it felt like she had her own personal Liz Taylor inside of her nan...but better!

Definitely found inspiration through Liz Taylor, Kate Moss, Victoria Beckham, and Naomi Campbell

she had no clue what she wanted to do in life (she never had to think too hard about it until now, it’s true what they say about your twenties) and she made the choice not to continue thru with uni & I’m not going to make her out to be the stereotypical “dumb blonde” I think she did well in school—so she kinda just chilled after it was all over

Her first job at 20 was probably working in retail where she learned all about the bs you put up with but she loved clothes! That never changed

So she decided 6 months into her job that she was going to make a fashion blog

she made one separate from her tumblr but kept it under construction since she needed to brain storm what exactly this blog would entail

It didn’t take too long to her to figure it out by how she wanted the blog to look then discussing pieces from celebs/models then slowly discussing her own wardrobe + advice

She didn’t immediately gain success for it —altho she did have a good 1k people follow her thru her tumblr where she also provided the link to her separate blog... but she worked/works hard at it, hoping one day it’ll get her somewhere and that maybe she can get paid for it too?

Retail fucking sucks and people are horrible twats so when she was approaching 21 she deff quit with her parents still hammering...more so her dad on what she needs to do with her life but she found happiness in her blog and no one was going to take that away from her —not even her parents

‘What’s the use of working if it doesn’t make you happy?’ She thinks but again! she has the privilege of living under her parents roof and not having to pay bills so she didn’t have to worry too much rn she knows they’d never kick her out right?

she has two bunnies named “bugsy” and “Lola”—u know the reference right?

I feel like she values the flinstones & jetsons because it was something her dad loved watching as a kid and still does , probably has the dvds showcased in her room that she watches when she feels sad

Seems like a smiley person but when she’s sad? It kinda sucks to see cause she turns into a whole different person and she always seems happy with a smile so wide that turns her eyes squinty

If she disagrees with something, she’s 100% giving her opinion whether you like it or not? Wrong is wrong. But when the shoe is on the other foot? She hates being wrong LOL or doesn’t view herself being wrong. Doesn’t take accountability well...at all!

She’s also showed her ass by being a gossiper and fake as hell with Allegra about mc with the whole, “let’s pretend like we’re there for her” if you’re not fucking with somebody just say that or SHOW it sis cause that snakey shit will come back to bite you in the ass (I forgot about this lol as I’m replaying)

she’s all “mega resting bitch face” until she breaks out into a large smile

Libra sun? + Virgo moon? + Gemini rising?

I feel like she only knows what she wants when it comes to relationships but not with the rest of life?

Lol she was very determined with levi in the beginning, explored shit with jake, (I can’t remember if that was after you/mc showed a interest in him or not in that route? I’m doing a talia/Rohan route rn But that’s kinda foul if she’s smiling in ur face and then boom goes and does what she wants but hey that’s the game right? Fck that tho) and then stood by Tim after only some time?

She wasn’t feeling him in the beginning either cause he thought she was too posh for him and snakey which he’s right to some degree but she’s also right if she finds him too immature for her liking

To you jim? Ten? Stans— Idk what their ship name is but it probably wouldn’t have worked out in the long run either because I don’t see both of them wanting to change themselves completely to satisfy the other. (Tim tried) Sure if you’re showing unhealthy behaviors and are open to diminishing that for yourself then trying to work on your relationship then that’s great! But they already started from the jump not liking each other’s personalities/characteristics....

And hey! Ofc I know people grow to like things they might have disliked about you in the beginning but you can also find yourself not fully accepting it in a relationship and that doesn’t mean you didn’t try

+ it’s been hinted at that they’re not endgame & if you love yourself some Tim not platonically then this works in ur favor. if not? Then you can keep them endgame by all means! For me? That endgame shit is a no! For those that don’t gaf about either of them that’s fine too lmao

YES I feel like they were both hurt over the breakup and it probably happened right around the holidays or either a couple of months after Christmas/New Years 2019

Jen is probably the type to keep checking up on her ex, not necessarily talking to them but finding out who they’re with now

and if it’s Tim with mc she’s definitely gossiping about the shit with erikah and Allegra or making shady tweets or posts on IG for sure

“5 outfits to wear when you run into your ex” type posts on her blog looool

She hopes if she runs into Tim, she’s looking her best and she would 80% go up to him & mc/his new girl if not mc and be all huggy with him and holding conversation before she even thinks to acknowledge mc/new girl and when she does it’s a shady convo with fake smiles

Absolutely loves watching housewives so she was prepared for that moment if it ever does come

Her parents openly didn’t like Tim which made him feel like shit since it seemed like jen never defended him in front of them but again, she values her parents opinion and always wants their stamp of approval that’s just the way the girl is/ was brought up

She owes them everything but deep down knows that in her relationship with Tim she could have been a little more understanding of his needs like he was with her love for her parents...but she’ll never admit that

Doesn’t get over breakups as easily as it may seem like her exes do in her opinion.

It sure didn’t take long with Tim to date mc/new girl months after they broke up! Which was like a slap in the face

The ex bf she spent time w in Paris who looks like Matthew Noszka is now engaged, lives in AMERICA—& of all places??? California to be exact, and just released his debut album!! She knows which songs are probably about her, it’s a nice album she screamed about it for hours into her pillow and cried for what felt like weeks

Lost her voice over that breakdown too

Her mother even went as far as sending a nasty letter to this ex bf’s new address...since ya know? jen’s dad is a private investigator & all!!! but dad had no knowledge of this being done

She’s still fond of Levi and jake but not like in love with them? Like she thought/felt she was with Tim but she still considers them her mates

Maybe in 2021 she’ll be open to dating again and hopes erikah and Allegra will be her wingwomen when the time comes BUT she’s focusing on her blog rn and it’s the best it’s ever been!

She had the show to thank for that now that she has a manager and is getting paid for running her blog now! That’s right this girl is officially employed!

“At least one good thing came from the show ;) 🧽🥐🥂” type of tweets

There’s never not a moment where she’s not connecting her posts whether thru ig or Twitter to her blog: astoldbyjenmarlowe.co.uk!!!

Both erikah and Allegra talk a little shit about that together...WHEN they DO talk, the pair only really socialize when jen initiates it but if one pisses the other off?? they’re going to gossip about it with the other forsure

She doesn’t look that tall to me? Taller than erikah? 5’2-5’5 the 5 is pushing it for me? Maybe? lol I’m still deciding between her and Allegra far as height and I’m too lazy to go back and see what I put for her

Hates straightening her hair, that pin straight look is not cute to her. She loves having waves and body to her hair

Get her eyebrows micro bladed since she doesn’t have much hair up there to begin with

Adores French cuisine, always has since she was a little girl. Bisque used to be her fav back then and all that she would eat

Loves spring season especially pastel colors when it comes to her wardrobe

The type to say one thing and do the complete opposite

I feel like she probably has a little bit of lisp and it’s not really noticeable until she says some words, she’s insecure about it and thought it had something to do with the structure of her teeth and begged her parents to get them fixed but it literally had nothing to do with them

Yet she still got colorful braces in middle school even tho her teeth were pretty straight. She didn’t have to wear them for a whole year, thank goodness

Went to speech therapy to help

Has stacks of fashion magazines even from the early 90s all over her room: her night stand, her vanity, her closet, underneath her bed etc...

Adores the Hadid sisters, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, & Georgia May Jagger

Makes the best white chocolate chip (that’s right, white not just regular chocolate) banana bread but cooking/baking? Isn’t really her thing

Early riser

Loves yellow: yellow phone case, yellow laptop, yellow room, yellow tulips, yellow shades, etc...

Getting Prada shades was probably one of the best things that happened to her, s/o to her nan for granting her this wish

Words of affirmation is her love lanaguage, this girl is a talker and a bit of a thinker too I mean duh? She runs a blog

Likes bright colors on her toes but nude and clear polish on her hands?

Loves a good mascara but she also loves magnetic lashes but is trying her best to grow her lashes out rn! Thanks to erikah for sending her some good ol’ coconut oil!

Smokey eyes? Set her up

Gets a belly ring, and two more tatts one in between her boobs and the last on her ankle & that one she shed a tear over!

Maybe she’ll start changing her physical attributes more so than the way she carries her life at first? (Or ever) She’ll cut her hair below her collarbone to the top of her chest, and maybe she’ll try a light light LIGHT brunette (she loves being a natural blonde) with blonde highlights? Who knows

loves espadrilles and wedge sandals

Loves going wine tasting and visiting vineyards, if she’s vacationing? You can bet ur ass she’s looking for a vineyard to visit

Deff a lightweight

Here’s her unpopular opinions on s2: Thought Felix was a wannabe Tim and hates the fact that he follows her, thought graham was unattractive and said so to Allegra who snickered, thought marisol’s clothing choices were rather boring,

didn’t feel 100% bad for Hannah but disagrees with the way Gary and noah spoke about her + the way Gary tried to slide back over to Hannah on her comeback episode

but doesn’t feel like Lottie is wrong for choosing Gary after Hannah left

isn’t a fan of priya but is glad she’s doing fashion since jen strongly believes in if something isn’t making u happy then u need to let it go

Thinks Hope should have won and cannot tolerate Bobby. Feels he’s WORSE than Felix,

would be open to dating Ibrahim or Carl from that szn

has spoken to Harry from s3 due to his drunkenness and actually made a friend out of him? But low key wants to get to know seb? Take that info as u will 👀

Her anthem: Michelle — SUNRISE

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luckysevenwrites · 4 years

Text

Make This Work

You and Yoongi have broken up and even though you two are no longer together you can’t help but still have feelings for one another. The thing is though is love enough or are you two just not meant to be?

This is just the first part I will be posting the second half within the next few weeks!

You watched as Yoongi stood with the rest of his members listening to them talk. He held his glass of champagne in his hand, other hand in his pants pocket. Every once in a while, he would nod his head at something one of the members said. He looked good and you were glad. The last time you had seen him he had dark circles under his eyes and was living off ramen. Now, he looked healthy and you were glad to see that he was smiling. It was not his beautiful gummy smile but a soft upturn of his lips.

“Do you want me to go and spill my drink on him,” your best friend questions as she comes to stand next to you and glares at Yoongi.

You figured if she could have figured out how to make lasers shoot out of her eyes or how to kill a person with one look Yoongi would be on the receiving end.

“I’m good, thanks for the offer though,” you tell as you turn away from Yoongi and focus on your friend.

“I don’t know how you can be so calm. You are a much bigger person than I am. If my ex was in the same room as me looking like nothing was wrong, I would lose my mind.”

Maybe she was right maybe, you should be mad at Yoongi and want to spill your drink on him. OR to go over there and make a scene by screaming at him and calling him every horrible name you can think of. He was the one who broke up with you, not the other way around. Which meant you had every right to be angry at him. But, try as you might you couldn’t bring yourself to hate Yoongi. When he had ended things with you it hurt of course, you loved him and wanted to be with him. It still hurt that part you weren’t going to lie about. The thing was though you didn’t want him to be unhappy and if you made him unhappy then he shouldn’t stay with you. Just because he made you happy and you loved him didn’t mean he had to feel the same way.

You wished that he did that he was crazy in love with you and the idea of not being with you drove him crazy but, that wasn’t the case and you weren’t going to make him stay with you. You loved him and wanted him to be happy, so you let him go. Even though it hurt, and you missed him all the time, you still let him go and you did not have any ill will towards him. Your friends of course thought you were crazy for not wanting to kill him or for not curling up into a ball and refusing to leave your bed. That wasn’t you though instead you kept it all inside and went on living.

“He’s looking at you,” Kaylee looks over your shoulder and gives her best glare yet.

“Kaylee it’s fine. We ended on good terms just leave it at that.”

“Say’s you, you say your fine but I’m your best friend and I know when you’re hurting. Even though you are going around acting fine and living your life. I know that you still love him and not being with him hurts you.”

“You’re right it does hurt but it’s because I love him and want the best for him that I don’t hate him. And I would really like it if you stopped trying to kill him with your death glare.”

“Fine,” Kaylee huffs, “but I hate him and I’m going to hate him enough for the two of us.”

“If that is what will make you happy go for it,” You tell her before downing the last of you drink.

“Be back I need a refill.”

You don’t wait for her to reply and start to weave your way through the crowd to the bar. You push your way through people and soon find yourself pushed between Johnny and Taeyong. The two smile down at you and move to give you some room.

“Y/n,” Johnny smiles, “we were wondering if you would be here. Which group are you working with this time?”

Johnny questions, you had been the photographer for the last album and loved working with the group. You had started off small but now were one of the most sought-after photographers when it came to doing photo shoots or concert shots of kpop idols. It was how you and Yoongi had first met. You did one of his very first photoshoots. It was a new experience for the both of you and you ended up bonding over both being new to the business.

“I’ve been working with Ateez. They are a fun group. You better watch out Johnny they might be more photogenic then you are,” you tease.

“Impossible, no one is as photogenic as me, tell her Taeyong,” Johnny demands and the two of you just laugh at him.

Your drink is placed in front of you and you quickly reach out for it and take a sip. You hear Johnny being called and before he leaves he gives your arm a squeeze leaving you and Taeyong along. He studies you for a few moments and you start to squirm. He continues to watch you and you bug your eyes out at him.

“What!” you exclaim.

“Just wondering how you’re doing,” Taeyong shrugs.

“I’m fine I really wish everyone would stop asking me how I’m doing,” you grumble and take another drink. You should slow down with the way you’re downing drinks you’re going to be drunk in no time.

“Y/n I like to think that after the many times that we’ve worked together we’ve become friends and that means that I’m allowed to be worried about you,” Taeyong gives you a look that says you need to just accept that he is going to be concerned about you and there is nothing you can do about it.

“Well, I’m fine.”

“Alright good. Just so you know I get it,” you looked over at Taeyong questioning what he meant. He got what?

“I get how annoying it can be with everyone asking if you’re okay. I get what it’s like to break up with someone and to still love them and not hate them. To want them to be happy even if they aren’t with you. And I get hurting but also being fine at the same time.”

You were not expecting that out of Taeyong. For as long as you knew him you didn’t even know that he was in a relationship with someone or that, that someone had broken up with him. Which in your mind was crazy because why would you break up with Taeyong he was one of the best people you knew and anyone who was dating him would be lucky. You also didn’t expect for him to understand what it was like to love someone and still be hurt by them.

“I don’t know what to say,” you answer honestly.

“You don’t have to say anything. Just know that I get it. Yoongi’s not a bad guy and just because you two didn’t work out doesn’t mean you have to now hate him. It’s okay to still care about him,” Taeyong finishes the last of his drink, then gives you a small smile, “If I was a betting man, I would bet that Yoongi still loves you too. It just might be that love isn’t enough or that you two need to grow into who you are more before you can be together.”

With that Taeyong leaves you with your drink and his words. You ponder over what Taeyong has said. Could it be that love isn’t enough to make a relationship work or could it be that the two of you need to grow more and find out who you are as individuals before you can be an us. Either way Taeyong’s words make you feel better and not like you’re a fool for still loving Yoongi.

You wonder through the room looking for your y/bf/n and hoping that she’s not hiding in the shadows plotting revenge on Yoongi. You find her chatting with a group of other make up artist and join them. You enjoy talking with them and laugh about some experiences you shared together. Y/bf/n soon tells you that she is taking off, she never was a night owl and you walk her to her car then rejoin the party with the promise of calling her tomorrow to get together.

It isn’t until later in the night when the event is dying down that you are approached by Yoongi. You were talking with a member from a soon to be rookie group and were excited that you would be getting to work with them from the start of their career. It is while talking to them that you notice the rookie’s eyes going wide and he looks at the person behind you. When you turn around you see Yoongi standing close behind you, he’s shifting side to side and you remember that he probably think you hate him and is nervous to talk to you.

“Hi Yoongi,” you smile at him hoping he understand that things are good, “how has your evening been?”

“Good Y/n, I was wondering if I could steal you away for a few minutes.”

“Sure, excuse me,” you turn to the rookie then back to Yoongi and follow him out of the event room and to the balcony. Once outside you close your eyes take a deep breathe, enjoying the cool, crisp, air. When you open your eyes and turn to face Yoongi you almost jump. He’s watching you with those soft eyes that he used to give you all the time when you did something, he thought was cute.

“What?” You question.

“Nothing just forgot how cute you can be sometimes,” Yoongi smiles.

“Right, anyway what did you want to talk about?”

“I just wanted to see how you were doing. I know that we both agreed on the breakup but…I just…I just…” Yoongi struggles to find the words that he wants to say. He doesn’t know how to tell you everything that he is feeling. He sometimes doesn’t even know what he is feeling.

“I just wanted to make sure that you were okay and know that I didn’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you and I don’t want you to hate me. Because I don’t hate you, not even close and it would kill me to know that you hate me and that you’re hurting and it’s all because of me.”

Yoongi continues to ramble on and you know that you should stop him but this is the most that you have ever heard him speak about his feelings that your in shock and just let him keep going. It isn’t until he starts to repeat himself that you finally stop him.

“Yoongi I don’t hate you,” you blurt causing him to stop his ranting, “I don’t think I could ever hate you. Am I hurting yes, because I care about you but I’m okay and I don’t hate you.”

It’s like the weight of the world is lifted off of Yoongi’s shoulders. He let’s out a deep breathe and his whole body relaxes. He moves towards you and before you have time to register what’s happening you’re in his arms and he’s pulling you tight into him.

“Thank god you don’t hate me,” He whispers, you wrap your arms around him and squeeze him tight as well.

“You don’t hate me either do you?”

“No, I’ll never hate you,” Yoongi firmly states. For a few moments, the two of you just hold tightly onto one another. Yoongi is the one who breaks the hold first, he pulls back from you just enough so you can see his face.

“Why didn’t we work out?” The hurt in his eyes makes your heart clench. You wish you had the answer, wish you knew how to make this all better.

“I don’t know Yoongs. I wish I had the answers, but I don’t,” You whisper.

“I loved you, I still love you. You need to know that it wasn’t that I didn’t love you,” Yoongi runs his thumb over the apple of your cheek. His eyes tracking the movement of this thumb before he looks into your eyes.

“I loved you too. Still do. But a friend of mine said that sometimes love isn’t enough to make a relationship work.”

Yoongi’s grip on you tightens for a moment, his jaw tightens, and you think that he’s going to walk away from you. That you said the wrong thing and made him upset. Your body tightens in his hold waiting for him to walk away from you. He doesn’t, instead his grip loosens, and he nods his head in agreement.

“Relationships are more than just love. Do you think that means that we are just never going to work?”

“I don’t know I was also told that sometimes you have to grow as your own person before you can start a relationship. Maybe we need to figure out who we are before we can make us work.”

“I can agree with that. But, where does that leave us?”

It was a good question. Where does that leave the two of you. Are you the couple that loves each other but just isn’t ever going to work? Or are you that couple that needs to be apart and find themselves, and then can finally come back together and be stronger than they were before. You wanted to be the couple that would make it. But, you just weren’t sure if that was who you two were.

“I don’t know. What should we do?” Yoongi sighs and reaches down for your hands and entwines your fingers together. He brings them up between the two of you and kisses your hand.

“As much as it kills me to stay this, I think we need to stay broken up. We should take time to figure out who we are and see if a relationship with one another is still something that we want. If we want this, we’ll find a way to make it work and what we had wasn’t working. Neither of us were happy.”

“Okay,” you agree even though you don’t like it, “how are we going to do this. Check in ever week with status updates.

“No,” Yoongi’s lips twitch and you smile back at him. “We need to actually stay away from one another and if one or the other realizes that they want to get back together or thinks that we won’t ever work we have to be honest and tell each other.”

“What you’re saying is that we will both go on living our lives and if it happens, it happens and if it doesn’t, it doesn’t.”

“Yeah I guess that’s what I’m saying,” Yoongi gives a humorless laugh.

“This sucks.”

“It does,” Yoongi agrees.

“Yoongi,” you both turn towards Jungkook who when he sees the two of you stops in his tracks, “sorry I didn’t mean to interrupt.”

“It’s fine Jungkook,” you assure him as you gently pull away from Yoongi, “take care of yourself Yoongi.”

“You too y/n.”

With that you walk away from Yoongi not knowing what the future holds for the two of you. Before you can go inside and possibly never see him again, you turn around and call out to him. Yoongi turns completely towards you, while Jungkook gives you a side glance but tries to make it looks like he’s not paying attention to you.

“I want to you know that no matter how this ends I don’t regret any of it and I’ll always love you.”

Yoongi moves towards you quickly, you heard Jungkook call out to him but are only focused on Yoongi. Who waste no time in pulling to up against him again and attaching his lips to yours. You melt into him and wrap your arms around his neck. The two of you pour everything into the kiss and when you break apart your both breathing heavy.

“I’ll always love you too.”

Yoongi gently lets you go and opens the door for you. He turns you towards the door and guides you inside. You look over your shoulder at him and he gives you a small smile. You wish it was his gummy smile but know that that smile you’ll only ever get again if he’s truly happy and you hope that you’ll see that smile soon.

“Hyung,” Jungook moves towards Yoongi watching him, as he watches you weave your way through the crowd. Jungkook was worried about his Hyung, Yoongi didn’t like to show a lot of people his true feelings, and with what just happened he didn’t know if it was a good or bad thing.

“I’m fine Jungkook. You don’t need to worry about me,” Yoongi tells the maknae refusing to stop watching you until you disappear out of sight and he has no choice but to accept that he can no longer see you.

“What happened between the two of you just now?”

Yoongi didn’t even know where to start. When he first approached you, his only concern was making sure that you were okay and that you didn’t hate him. But then you had smiled at him and acted like everything was okay. You were being your cute self and he didn’t know if you were just faking it or if it was real. Then the next thing he knew he was spilling his guts to you and then you were in his arms. He missed having you in his arms, he didn’t realize just how much he missed you until he had you in his arms again.

Then you had started talking about how maybe you two would never work out or maybe you two just needed some time to grow as your own person. He knew that what you were saying made sense while you two loved each other right now you were not good for one another. He was constantly locking himself in his studio and you were busy building your career as a photographer. You barely ever saw one another and that turned into you fighting. And he hated fighting with you. Then you had suggested one day that you break up. He hated having that memory of hearing those words come out of your mouth.

“Yoongi we need to talk,” You were standing in his office. His back was turned to you and he was more focused on his work then what you were saying. Maybe if he was paying more attention to you he would have noticed the pain in your voice.

“Just give me a moment.”

“No,” you demanded, “we need to talk now.”

Sighing he had turned around in his chair to face you. It was then he noticed how uncomfortable you looked and how you were avoiding looking directly at him. Instead you were looking slightly off to the side.

“Y/n,” Yoongi had started.

“This isn’t working, we’re not working. We never see each other and when we do see each other we fight. I can’t keep going on like this Yoongi. I think it would be best if we broke up.”

Yoongi didn’t know what to say. He knew that things weren’t good between the two of you. You had been fighting more and spending less time with one another. He had just figured you two were going through a stressful time and everything would work itself out. You though felt differently and wanted to end things.

“You want to break up,” Yoongi confirmed.

“I don’t want to break up,” your voice cracked, it was then that you finally looked at him and he knew that you were barely keeping it together.

“But, I don’t want our relationship to keep going the way it is. I don’t want to accept that I may not see or hear from you for weeks. I don’t want to keep fighting and then come to hate you one day. We need to admit that we’re not working and end this now before we really hurt one another.”

Yoongi didn’t know what to say. He didn’t want to break up with you but, you were also right. You two would go weeks without seeing one another. He rarely called or texted you and then when you were together you were fighting. You didn’t have a healthy relationship and it would lead to the two of you hating each other. And he didn’t want that as much as Yoongi didn’t want to he agreed with you, you two should break up.

“Okay, Y/n we should break up,” Yoongi looked right into your eyes and he hoped that you saw how much it was hurting him to say those words. He hoped that you knew that he was hurting just as much you are.

“Alright. I guess we’re done then.”

“I guess we are.”

The two of you just stood there looking at one another. Neither of you knowing what to do now that it was over. Yoongi wanted to pull you into a hug and tell you that everything was going to be okay but, he knew that he no longer had that right and he was probably the last person that you wanted to comfort you.

“Good bye Yoongi,” you suddenly blurted then hurried out of his studio before he even had a chance to reply.

“We talked and agreed to see if we have a shot at making this work or not,” Yoongi finally answered Jungkook while shaking off the memory.

“Does that mean that you’re back together?”

“No, we’re not back together. We just aren’t saying that we’ll never work out. We’re going to go on living our lives and if it happens it happens.”

“But, you love Y/n and have been miserable without her. Why wouldn’t you tell her that you want to get back together with her?”

Jungkook didn’t get it. Yoongi was crazy about you. Ever since the two of you broke up Yoongi had been locking himself away more in his studio and wasn’t smiling as much as he use to. Jungkook had hoped that with you being here tonight the two of you would realize how much you missed each other and would get back together.

“I do love her and I wasn’t a good boyfriend to her. Jungkookie I have some changes I need to make in myself before I can be with Y/n. We deserve to have the best of each other, and we were not giving that to one another before. Now, we have a chance to fix that and I’m going to do it.”

“So you are going to get Y/n back!” Jungkook couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across his face. Yoongi returned the smile.

“I’m not giving up on us. Come on Kook let’s go home.”

Jungkook watched his Hyung head back inside towards the rest of their members. Jungkook hoped that the two of you would be able to make it work this time, and that Yoongi would haven’t to go much longer without you in his life. Maybe it was the romantic side of him coming out but, Jungkook had a feeling that the two of you were made for one another.

#bts fanfic #yoongi x y/n #yoongi x y #yoongi x you #bts angst #bts writing #yoongi x oc #yoongi x reader #yoongi imagine #yoongi scenarios #bts imagines #bts scenarios

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kpopmultifan127 · 4 years

Text

Y/N is mine now!

Characters: Felix (roommate) x female reader

Other Characters: Xiaojun (Bf to Ex Bf), Johnny & Irene

Disclaimer: fluff. Roommate into lovers

Word Count: 2,501

POV keeps changing lol sorry

It kind of just goes right into it, this is an old story I wrote awhile back and just never posted it lol.

Y/n and XiaoJun have been having problems the past few months and it’s killing her. She still really does love him but it hurts so much constantly getting into arguments with him. Even y/n’s roommate Felix notices she’s been stressing out so much.

Felix: You need a day off y/n

Y/n: Believe me I would love a day off

Y/n was always either studying and or working. It was hard to do both at the same time, but before they got into all those arguments XiaoJun was so caring and always made sure y/n got home safe. Also always making sure she never overworked herself with her studies..

But lately ever since they started fighting he never called to see if y/n got home safe, or came to check up on her in the library. Y/n would text him asking if he was going to come and walk her home or help her study. All y/n would get from him is “no I’m tired….” or “call Felix to pick you up.” Felix was actually the one that got them together. To be honest...before she started dating XiaoJun y/n had a thing for Felix, and y/n thought he had a thing for her too, but when he set them up together that’s when she knew he didn’t.

Felix was always there for y/n from day one. To when they had their first date which he helped set up and to their first fight. He knew what to say or do to y/n to make her feel better. There were many times y/n tried not to get him involved because it would make things awkward. Felix always texted, “are you ok? Did you need a ride home?” or “you should sleep, don’t get sick” little stuff like that, stuff XiaoJun used to say to her. Now it’s nothing, or just one syllable answers.

Y/n & Felix got to school and y/n had exams coming up.

Felix: Let me guess, you’re going to the library to study?

Y/n: Is that really a question? You should know already

As they got to the library they saw their friends Irene her boyfriend Johnny. Irene noticed they entered the library and waved her hands to have Felix and y/n to sit with them.

Y/n: hey guys...what are you doing here?

Johnny: well I was trying to study....she just came here to nap.

Irene nudges him as she rests her head on his arm.

Irene: I need my beauty rest..

Y/n just smiled at them at how disgustingly cute they were. Something that’s what y/n and XiaoJun use to do. Felix saw how her smile became dull and tilted his head so he could see her face.

Felix: Hey are you ok?”

Y/n: --oh yeah I’m fine. Just thinking about my test

Which was a lie, she missed how her and Xiaojun use to be like that. Where he slept on y/n’s arm while she studied and she watched how peaceful he slept. Y/n tried to forget about it and continued to study. She stopped for a second and sent XiaoJun a message.

{To: XiaoJun <3}

11:12 AM: Let’s go on a date today. Maybe dinner & a movie??

{From: XiaoJun <3}

11:15 AM: ...wait why?

{To: XiaoJun <3}

11:17 AM: What do you mean why? Bc we are bf & gf….they go on dates..

{From: XiaoJun <3}

11:20 AM: I have stuff to do, and by the time I’m done with it all it’ll be too late and I need to sleep.

Y/n doesn’t even know why she even tried. Felix saw y/n put her phone back down and saw how glossy her eyes had gotten.

Felix: Are you sure you’re ok?

Y/N: Yeah I’m fine…

He could tell she was lying because she didn’t make eye contact with him and she just stared at her paper. He then tapped y/n’s hand and pointed in an isle so they could talk. So they walked over to a section where y/n just stared at the floor.

As she just stood there he says,

Felix: I know you’re lying y/n. Something happened. I’ve known you for so long, hell you’re my roommate. You should know by now I’m always here for you.

He was right, he knew everything about y/n, when she had her period. He was there to take care of her when her cramps acted up real bad. He knew what snacks you liked and what movies you liked to watch, your favorite food. He knew EVERYTHING. So he knew exactly when she was lying too. Y/n was holding onto her phone as tears began to fall. He grabbed the phone out of her hand and read the message she had sent to XiaoJun and read his replies. Y/n could see how upset he got as he read each one. Y/n snatched the phone away from him.

Y/N: It’s nothing really...don’t worry about it

Her tears slowly began to fall. She tried to walk away from him but he pulled her back into his arms to give her a warm hug.

Felix: It’s ok y/n, you can cry you know I’m always here for you.

Y/n couldn’t hold it in anymore and began to let her tears fall as she had her head buried into his arms and hugging each other.

Y/N: Why does he do this to me? Am I that horrible of a person to be with, am I that boring? If I am why doesn’t he just break up with me already

Y/n’s tears continuously fell as they stood there kept telling her everything will be ok. He pulled y/n back so he could look at her and wipe the tears that had fallen.

Y/N: Sorry I always come to you to cry. telling him while looking at the ground.

He just smiled

Felix: Never be sorry, I told you from day one I’m always going to be here for you. No matter how big or small it is

Felix always knew what to say and do to make y/n feel better. When they got back to their seats in the library, XiaoJun was sitting where they were talking stories with Johnny and Irene. As she sat down he didn’t acknowledge that y/n was there or even say hi.

Y/N: “Hey stranger,” she said in a playful voice

XiaoJun: “Hey,” he said in a short irritated tone.

Everyone kind of looked at y/n awkwardly as he responded with such a short answer. Y/n didn’t like the atmosphere so she got up and started walking away. Felix grabbed her arm to not let her leave, y/n just gave him the “it’s ok I’m fine” face as he slowly let go of her arm. Irene saw that y/n was leaving and shouted out,

Irene: Hey y/n wait up.

As they kept walking y/n could see Felix become sincerely worried about her. And hated how XiaoJun treats her.

Felix: Hey XiaoJun how are you and Y/N?

XiaoJun: “Huh?—-oh yeah we fine”

Felix began to get annoyed at the fact he wasn’t all excited about y/n. He got a lil more irritated each time XiaoJun opened his mouth

Felix: Did you even realize she was sitting right next to you?

XiaoJun looked at him confused, XiaoJun: huh? What are you talking about?

With an irritated tone Felix replied

Felix: she sat right next to you and said hey you, and all you can answer to her is “hey” isn’t she your girlfriend?

Now XiaoJun began to get annoyed

XiaoJun: Bro what’s with you with you? You’ve been acting weird lately.

Felix almost lost his temper but kept his cool because he knew he was in the library and knew if y/n found out about what happened she’d be upset.

Felix: Forget it….I’m out of here. Later Johnny

Felix grabbed his things and left. Y/n class was about to start so when she got there Felix was already sitting down and she could see he looked irritated. As she set down her things y/n asked him,

Y/N: Hey are you ok?

He instantly changed the look on his face from angry into a smile which always lit up the room.

Felix: Oh yeah I’m fine as he said with a smile.

After class they were walking down the hall when y/n and Felix overheard whisperings from 2 girls looking at her as they passed. They heard “isn’t that Xiaojun’s ex girlfriend?” They both stopped in their tracks and y/n looked at them.

Y/N: Excuse me, did you just say ex girlfriend?

The 2 girls looked scared when she suddenly asked the question. One of them responded “oh...yeah. We heard you both broke up and he’s now with some girl named Wendy.” Y/n got so mad she just left.

Y/n needed to find him right away. She tried to hold back her tears as she was walking around to find him. Felix not too far behind from her, he was curious to see what was going on too. When she saw XiaoJun, he was talking to some girl touching her hand and being flirty. Everything went black and y/n didn’t realize what was going on. Everything was happening so fast. She walked up to them.

Y/N: “Ah so this must be Wendy. Your girlfriend” she said in an irritated tone followed by a scoff.

XiaoJun turned around realizing it was y/n,

XiaoJun: “Hey babe. It’s not what you think.” He said in a panicked voice.

Y/n stood there holding back her tears as she continued to say,

Y/n: Don’t call me babe....so this is why you’ve been acting all distant and “tired” all the time it’s because you were with this bitch.

He could see how mad y/n was getting and knew he already fucked up. He turned to Wendy and told her to go ahead and leave. As she was walking away y/n stood there with fists in her hand and tears falling. He turned back round to see y/n’s face. Before she could let him even get a word in y/n let everything out.

Y/N: So you’re telling me that was nothing but yet the entire school knows you fucked up and left me in the dust without a word. If you were so bored of me you should’ve just been a damn man and break up with me instead of being a dirty ass pig and go behind my back.

She couldn’t hold it in anymore and all of her tears she tried to hold back all fell down.

XiaoJun: Sorry I didn’t tell you any of it..to tell you the truth yes I was getting bored of you. If I knew you were going to be this dull I wouldn’t even have started to date you.

He continued speaking without holding anything back. Hearing that from him made y/n more mad than sad. It pretty much sounds like everything that started was all a lie from the beginning. He then got closer to y/n’s face, but before he could say anything Felix grabbed y/n and pulled her behind him. Standing close to XiaoJun’s face then begins to say

Felix: bro I don’t know what the fuck as gotten into you. But you were never like this.

XiaoJun just looked at him and laughed as he said,

XiaoJun: isn’t this your fault?

Felix was shocked to hear what XiaoJun told him and replied,

Felix: my fault?!

Then XiaoJun continued

XiaoJun: yeah if you didn’t bring her around none of this shit would have happened.

Y/n couldn’t stop crying as she stood behind Felix. She grips the back of Felix’s shirt more and more with more tears that fell with every word that came out of XiaoJun’s mouth. Felix then looked at him straight in the eyes and said,

Felix: well don’t regret what you did because she’s mine forever now.

Y/n was shocked at what he said to XiaoJun as he grabbed her hand and pulled y/n away from XiaoJun. They didn’t say a word as he was holding her hand until they got to a quiet spot. When they got there he pulled y/n in to give her a hug as tears still continued to fall.

He pulled y/n back and with a smile looked into her eyes as her wiped away her tears that had fallen. Y/n couldn’t make eye contact with him as she told him

Y/N: “You didn’t have to do that.”

He smiled and replied,

Felix: “I saw my chance and I took it.”

Y/n was very confused. This was a sudden confession.

Felix: “You probably didn’t notice this by now but I really really like you y/n. I regretted it everyday that I set you up with him.”

Y/n: why did you set us up if you liked me then?

Felix: Well he kept telling me how amazing you seemed and kept asking for me to set you up with him.

Y/n stood there quietly. Felix waiting for you to say something, he became nervous. Thinking will you have the same feelings as he did?

Y/n: To tell you the truth....

She took a deep breath before she continued.

Y/N: Before you set up me and XiaoJun....I--I

Felix: what is it?

She took another deep breath in as she release everything...

Y/N: I LIKED YOU!....well...I still do, but I don’t know if it’s love or friendship. But I know that I can’t live my life without you in it. When you started dating someone else and set up me and XiaoJun that’s when I knew you didn’t like me...then I had the time of my life with him. But when you broke up with your girlfriend and saw how you were not yourself, but you were still always there for me. I didn’t know what to think, if you still had fee--

Before she could finish his lips met hers.

Felix: I’ve always liked you from start to finish....I thought dating someone else would help me get over you once you were with XiaoJun. But I always found myself wanting to be back to help you or be around you. That’s why I broke up with her. I’d rather be around you even if you were with him than not being around you at all.

Y/N’s heart felt warm inside and forgot all the pain she felt just a few moments earlier. Felix could see a small smile forming on y/n’s face. He pulls her chin up for her to look at him as he smiled at her. He leans down to give her a kiss on the lips as she smiles and squeezes him tight. Felix lets out a little chuckle.

Y/N: What’s so funny?

Felix: I forgot how tiny you were, but for a tiny girl you’re pretty scary when you were yelling at him. I never seen you mad like that before. I better stay on your good side then.

Y/N playfully slaps his chest as he pulls her back in for a hug and kiss once again.

#nct #wayv #straykids #nct fluff #wayv fluff #straykids fluff #kpop fluff #xiaojun #xiaojun fluff #felix fluff #felix #nct xiaojun #wayv xiaojun

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xeebunny · 3 years

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I know I don’t usually vent on here but it’s just so much I do not care.

For the past month I had a friend I thought I could trust come to me and vent to me about her breakup with her ex. I thought it was going to blow over, but she got more into it, telling me all of the stuff she did to him, WAIT NO, that’s a lie. She lied about everything about him, and shrugged off or dumbed down what she did to him. He is a minor, she is only 2 years younger than me.

I didn’t know what to do, so I just let her vent, but every day she would make everything about her and the breakup, and I kept telling her to move on, but she became malicious and began talking horribly about him and his friends. I found out I was the only one she was sending paragraphs of ranting to. I was her scapegoat/therapist to coddle and hold on to.

I wasn’t even awake for an hour before she went on about, “Oh I’m doing this and that to help with the breakup.” NOT EVERYTHING HAD TO BE ABOUT THAT, and I even confronted her about it and she just made it about her, victimizing herself and once again going back to making me her therapist. I started to get a lump in my throat the more she told me. She got way too gross, and she began blaming him, saying he started it, even though as the adult, she could’ve stopped.

Recently, I needed to step away, and I got in contact with her ex and his friends to get their side of things. And to find out everything she told me was either a lie or dumbed down disgusted me. She even said to me she hated being called a groomer/pedophile because “tumblr overuses it” but no, I’m even going to say it. This woman is a fucking menace to minors.

I have new friends who are not at all what you made them out to be, and I have a new perspective on the situation and I feel better that I’m not talking to this person anymore. She is disgusting and I feel disgusting for letting her do this to me for this long. If she comes to my blog and sees this, I am sorry, but I am tired of your shit, and you need to get it together. It was me who told him more, was it needed? To be honest yes, what you said to me is cruel, even though you kept prying to me you wanted him back. You only wanted him back to break him even more, you sick person.

Did I say mean things? Yes, but I was convinced that YOU were in the right, YOU were the good one. 5 years wasted because in September, I had another friend show his horrific way towards minors, and to see it happen again pisses me off to EXTREME LENGTHS, AND YOU SHOULD BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE!

I have a lot more bit nah, I think my good pal said enough on his side, and every day I tell him how sorry I am it happened to him. I lost all of my pity for this person and as much as I want her to get help, I hope she doesn’t do this to another person. We have receipts, we have evidence and I will not hesitate to do anything.

I’m happier. I’m clearer in judgement. I have new friends. But this person just ate up a month of my time only to be the disgusting one. Thanks for that. But also thank you for this shit because now I know who you really are and again, friendos are always great.

Eat shit.

(Oh did I mention that she started to creep on my relationship? She wanted to see pics of my bf and kept saying she wanted to find someone like my bf and wanted to hear so much about him and compared him to my friend? Yeah fuck you for that as well, you are fucking creepy and need to back off of him.)

#if you dunno what’s going on #it’s not about you #vent #rant #I’m not saying names #don’t attack anyone if you know who it is #closing asks for a while too

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sierratheory · 4 years

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“Like i don't trust sierra bc of the time she came into Luke's life...” that entire ask but vice-versa too!!! people have said sierra dated dylan from flor and now her old roommate karsen too? as with luke, where was her time being single and figuring herself out before jumping into a new relationship? the twitter likes reminded me of how luke & sierra only see “jealousy” and “misogyny” as a h8ters only reason, which isn’t true 😔

Part 2 It's like they're still letting the other person know they're wrong but the difference is that it doesn't hit them. Why does it cause an overly emotional response and a giant need to prove they are wrong? it's a truth the person has been avoiding/ignoring. Luke or any person don't see the truth, they really don't even though deep down they know it is true (this is why emotional abuse is so dangerous and the victim "can't just leave")

Part 3 and that's why getting defensive and simply defending yourself are two different things. I'd like to point what that anon said about Luke's likes missing the point of what was said and this anon called him a 'dumb asshole' (lol) because he's missing the point. Well he may not realise it but he's missing the point "on purpose" his brain is making him miss the point in order to keep the fantasy that the points that were made aren't factual and are actually offensive (sexism)

Part 4 I swear I could write a book explaining every little behaviour he's adopting but what I really want to point out is that I understand everyone's frustration and regardless of what he's going through, Luke should be held responsible for his actions but we can and should emphasize because he's not fine. I'm saying this because he is following a very worrying pattern and even though Arzaylea was a much worse person than Sierra is,

Part 5, Luke is currently in a worse situation MENTALLY and I know this may cause some confusion and I can explain with more details why I'm saying this but it doesn't necessarily have to do with Sierra. I'm not saying she's not toxic. I do believe she's toxic but she's not nearly as toxic as Arzaylea. The difference is the timing. If Luke had dated Sierra first and Arzaylea later things would be much much worse.

Part 6 Luke was in a very vulnerable place, he was really hurt and he got a taste of what a mentally stable, caring, loving partner is like in Sierra. And I'm not saying these are traits that Sierra has or not. But when you get out of a toxic relationship, when you're at your worst a little love, or sense of love can feel like the best thing in a world. Basically it's an "issue" with the rewarding system in your brain. Very typical in people who go through this kind of situations

Part 7 that's why it is recommended to see a therapist or stay away from relationship because this rewarding system can fix itself and go back to normal or you might need some help. It all depends on how you deal with the situation. Some people get over traumatic experiences quickly and some need time and help. Anyway to keep it simple and short: Luke knew for sure (based on my little knowledge and his behaviour) that Arzaylea wasn't good to him but he was in love and he was making excuses to

Part 8 believe she loved him back (maybe she did love him back but had mental issues, drug addiction, I don't know, I can't judge) but he didn't have the time to heal. He's aware of his past relationship being toxic but I don't think he's aware of the effects it had on his mental health. He shows severe signs of being someone who still carries some luggage. Let me explain, I'm sure he's aware of how awful Arzaylea was and that he did him wrong and he deserves better.

Part 9 but for example, if arzaylea told him constantly that he didn't defend her enough, if she guilt trapped him because of it, if she threatened to leave him or blamed him for her mental issues/breakdowns he's most likely still carrying it with him and that's one of the reasons why he's desperately trying to make it right with this one relationship. It's something that's internalised. So yes maybe Sierra doesn't do much wrong compared to Arzaylea and actually maybe Sierra is like

Part 10 'dang I hate this thing someone said' but that's enough for Luke's brain to make a click, bring back the memories, the trauma and go into overdrive. This is an example but can be used to explain why Luke's trying so hard with Sierra compared to Arzaylea. Another thing that makes this relationship "worse" imo is that Luke's perception of reality wasn't accurate when he started his relationship with Sierra because of Arzaylea and now that little bit of love he feels like he receives is

Part 11 just wow and to him it is what real love feels like this is why your sense of personal worth should never depend on somebody else. And now he strongly believe that despite everything that goes wrong in his relationship, that little 1 thing that's going well is more than enough. he's never had that much so his fighting to keep it because it is sad but it's the most loved he's ever felt and he doesn't see why he could deserve more or how it could get better because to him, thats everything

Wheew, this was a trip to put together. You really did write me a book here, anon. But I completely understand what you’re trying to say. I come from a really abusive family, and even now I have issues where I’ll ask my bf if he’s mad at me and he’s like “you didn’t do anything, why would I be mad at you??!” Becuase I’ve been trained to think I’ve done something wrong if someone’s behaviour changes. And while I agree with most everything you said, I don’t think Sierra is unaware of Luke vulnerability due to the Larzaylea fuck show. That being said, I’m not sure if Sierra dated anyone between Alex and Luke. I don’t believe the roommate story, and none of the other mods do either. There’s no evidence behind it. I don’t know who the other guy is so I can’t speak to that. But she did have a lot more time between her and Alex’s breakup and her and Luke’s relationship beginning. Keep in kind she was still touring with Alex after they broke up, and that could have stunted any healing, but I truly can’t say. Time doesn’t always heal everything. And again I can’t speak to that break up, but I think it says a lot that she went on to drag his name during an interview after. As we’ve seen recently with Selena Gomez, she said she always kept quiet about her personal life out of respect. She wouldn’t even air out dirty laundry in her songs, and eventually she decided that her story was worth being told and she didn’t need to stay silent to protect those who hurt her. But she didn’t give an interview painting herself as an angel and throwing exes under the bus. And I think it says a lot that Sierra immediately went to the media, and even since that Alex has stayed mum on the subject.

I agree with the psychological damage points, and that Luke is likely overcompensating, if the relationship is real. Which in all honesty I’m leaning more towards as time goes on, but I’m still convinced even if they do like/love/whatever each other, modest! has some heavy handed access/control over it. And that could be perhaps to avoid a repeat of the Larzaylea mess, maybe they made Sierra sign a NDA, but I digress. Luke may also be convinced that because he didn’t defend Arzaylea, fans thought he didn’t care about her or was a bad boyfriend. It could have very easily been Arzaylea saying “hey you don’t defend me so you don’t love me, or fans see it as you don’t think I’m important enough to defend” etc. I don’t think Sierra is necessarily a bad person, while I’m entirely convinced Arzaylea was a shit-tier human being.

That being said, I do think she’s very aware that she is manipulating Luke, and taking advantage of the psychological damage Arzaylea did. I think that damage also makes him easier to manipulate or control and let me explain why.

TW - ALCOHOLISM, SUICIDE, VERBAL & PHYSICAL ABUSE

My dad was an alcoholic, and he committed suicide when I was very young. Because my mum left him, because he was becoming more abusive. Unfortunately instead of being the wake up call she wanted it to be, he shot himself and left her a note that said “I hope you got what you wanted”. Now, needless to say, this fucked my mum up really bad. She has never recovered. She has thrown all her emotions into a box, she is very clinical and doesn’t let her emotions control her. Which can be good sometimes but she’s very distant and cold. That being said, my mum married my step dad about 6 years after my bio dad passed away. She was not healed, let me tell you. She never sought counselling and is not on any sort of medication. My step dad was like the perfect man, before they got married, he cooked, he cleaned, and he was okay with the fact she had two young kids, one in elementary school and one just starting high school. But after they got married and he had control, oh everything changed. He isolated her from all of her friends and even her family. He was and still is verbally abusive and on occasion he can be physically abusive, but it’s rare. To her and all of his kids, including my sister and I. If he doesn’t get his way he throws a tantrum, calls everyone awful names and says awful things. He needs to control everything. While I love my step dad because he helped raise me, he is a controlling abusive person. And while he has a lot of psychological damage himself I’m not going to get into that, but know that he has a kind heart, and he does love my mother and he would die for her. But when he loses his temper he says horrible things. And he knows about the abuse my mum suffered at the hands of my bio dad, and how she has never healed. My bio dad told my mum she couldn’t cook, and if she ever left him he’d get the kids even though he was a raging alcoholic, couldn’t hold down a job AND she was doing all the child care on top of a full time job. Like she had the daycare ladies prepared to call 911 if we didn’t show up at daycare when she was out of town for work, but I’m off track here. The point I’m trying to get to is my step dad would abuse my mum, and use things my bio dad did or said to her, to hurt her more. An example of this is, if my mum tried to walk away during one of my step dads yelling fits, he would say “yeah, walk away just like you did with [my bio dad’s name]”. Because he knows she blames herself for leaving him, and she thinks his death was her fault. My step dad knows my mum will never leave him, because of what my bio dad did when she left. He could burn their house down around them and she wouldn’t leave.

With that story I would like to say, please don’t judge my mum or either of my dads. You don’t know the whole story and I don’t want to share all of it. I’m using it as an example because I know it well.

The point in trying to make here, is one it’s very VERY common for people to go from one abusive relationship to another. Because abusers can recognize the signs of a victim, and those who were abused, when treated with even a small amount of love, or kindness often see it as a very big deal. They tend to think they are worthless or don’t deserve it, as they’ve been told many times over. Two, believe it or not, being abused before can make people more susceptible to being abused again. This is because of the reasons mentioned above, they think they are worthless, or are wooed by very small acts, or both. And three, that the new partner can and often will use personal things about the abuse they suffered from someone else, to control or hurt their partner more, becuase they know it’s already a deep seated pain. And while I’m not saying Sierra is for sure 100% doing this, it is very easily a possibility and she could be doing some of it without knowing. Just because a year, or 5 or 10 have gone by doesn’t mean the person has healed, and sometimes new partners open old wounds. This has been a whole TEDtalk sorry y’all. Also disclaimer if anyone comes into the ask box saying rude things about my family it will be deleted and you will be blocked.

#red replies #ask #anon #i need you guys to know this took me over an hour to put together and write my reply to

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romchomp · 5 years

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Gilmore Girls: The Love Interests

This post might get a little lengthy.

In Gilmore Girls, there are four girls we get to see coarse through different relationships throughout the seasons of the show. As someone who recently finished marathoning Gilmore Girls and has a blog based on romance shows and anime, I figured why not talk about all these relationships the characters went through.

Rory, as our main character, will go first. Talking about the different boyfriends she’s had will be fun because her taste is uhhh pretty questionable.

Dean is Rory’s first boyfriend and hence, the first love interest. I think we can all agree he was the worst. He actually started off pretty good, if not a little boring. However, it doesn’t take that long for him come off as dramatic with some sort of anger issue. He almost always put his feelings before Rory’s. When his marriage fell apart he got upset with Rory and made it out to be as if everything was her fault despite him being the one who cheated. He generally became less and less pleasant as the show went on and even at his best he was just generic and boring and while nice, still not that good of a boyfriend.

The next boy Rory dates is Jess. Jess is a tricky one to talk to about because while I love his character and find him to be one of the more interesting ones in the series, I really don’t like him as a boyfriend. All throughout their relationship Jess treated Rory horribly. He was moody, never talked to her about anything, and never even seemed like he actually wanted to be in the relationship. They were constantly arguing and most of the sweet moments between them were Jess’s attempt to make up for some shitty thing he did earlier. I liked him a lot more when he wasn’t dating Rory. Season 6 Jess was great, and maybe if the show took the route of Rory dating him once again things would be different and I could say I liked him better the second go around but that’s not what happened. Bottom line is, he’s a better character than Dean, also probably had more respect for Rory and I’d say he understood Rory better than Logan did too, but god he was a really bad boyfriend.

Last but not least, there’s Logan. Who has the opposite problem Jess did. Despite him being a complete douchebag and a personality I found to be quite unlikable, he was a surprisingly pretty decent boyfriend. My opinion of Logan moved around quite a bit through the course of the show. At first, I hated him. The way he teased Marty and talked to Rory immediately put a sour taste in my mouth. However after Dean broke up with Rory (for the third time?) at her grandparents' party I realized that huh, I like the way he’s treating Rory. The way he tried to cheer her up felt very platonic. Was he already pining for her? Probably. But Logan never came across as more than friendly until he started very obviously teasing her when she was showing that one Chilton student around. Then there’s when Rory asked him why he never asked her out (because it was pretty evident they both liked each other at this point), and Logan’s reasoning was that he didn’t know how to be a boyfriend. By this point I like Logan. He respects Rory and wants her around even if only platonically because she’s special to him. However, cracks start to show. Rory changes a lot over the period of dating Logan. She changes a lot of things that were always a big part of her character like...not cooking and not exercising. Okay while those things were small, these changes in Rory made it a lot easier to realize that Rory and Logan don’t have a lot in common. They don’t even have common interests, not really. This made me start backtracking how much I actually like Logan and before I noticed Rory changing, I would’ve told you I think he made a better boyfriend than Jess. However, if there is one thing Jess has over Dean and Logan, it’s that he understands Rory better. Rory and Jess also just kind of clicked more. Rory and Logan followed the basic steps of being a good couple, but there wasn’t much that kept me wanting them to stay together or even like them together. They were just...there.

Lane

The only love interests you really need to remember for Lane would be Dave and her eventual endgame, Zach ( Zack? The internet can’t seem to make up its mind). From my knowledge, the actor who played Dave ended up taking a role in another show thus bailing on Gilmore Girls. Which would explain the very weak “he got a scholarship in California” reasoning for why his character was suddenly disappeared. A lot of people seemed to like Dave more than Zach and I was certainly on that boat for a while myself but I gotta say, I started finding Lane and Zach a really fun couple to watch once Lane got pregnant. I really liked the scene where they bonded over not wanting to have the baby (in a mostly comedic fashion) and it was around that point it became clearer how much the two actually have in common. Somehow the two became more compatible after having twins. Go figure.

Paris

On to Paris...can we just forget that Tristan and Fleming ever happened? Joking, joking (mostly). Paris and Tristan never dated (thank god) and therefore were never love interests, but Paris’s hard to believe crush on him was enough to be sigh-worthy. There was That College Guy She Dated During Chilton That I Can’t Remember the Name Of who didn’t really do anything noteworthy. Then there’s...eighty years old Asher Fleming. Look, I could go on about how Fleming was way too old for Paris and how problematic their age gap is, but it’s 2019 now and I’m sure every Gilmore Girls fan has both, ranted about and heard ranting of it so I’ll move on. If there is one good thing I can say about Fleming, he gives us more of an idea of what Paris cares about when considering a romantic partner: intelligence. That’s about it, which also means she doesn’t really care if her relationship would otherwise be seen as weird. She probably wouldn’t even care if the person themself was deemed weird either. Which leads me to Doyle, in my opinion, the best boyfriend out of any of the boyfriends in the series. I love Doyle. He’s strange but charming, squeamish but also capable of being a leader, and genuinely cares for Paris. While it took a few tries, in the end, Paris found someone she made a perfectly odd pairing with. I mean hey, that’s how life usually works out I guess.

Lorelai

Now we get to Lorelai, who I think had the more interesting love interests. Despite that, I won’t be getting into Max and Jason because frankly, I don’t think anyone really cares about them that much. By around halfway through the show, it becomes increasingly obvious that the only two true possible endgames for Lorelai would be Luke or Christopher.

There’s a bit of a parallel between Luke and Christopher in the sense of how big of opposites they are. Where Christopher comes and goes throughout the show, always leaving an impact after leaving; Luke is a constant throughout the show, with some major moments but often just peacefully going along with the plot. While Chris is impulsive and rushes into things, Luke over thinks himself out of things. Lorelai’s parents hate Luke but they’ve always loved Chris. Christopher is immature while Luke is arguably the most mature character in Gilmore Girls.

I was impressed when I noticed just how lined up their differences were. I wasn’t something I expected from Gilmore Girls in all honesty.

I think most of us can agree that Luke was better for Lorelai. They balance each other out a lot better than Lorelai and Chris ever could. Luke and Lorelai’s differences were also manageable so long as they had good communication. Which they didn’t while they were dating and is why they ultimately broke up in season 6. Which brings me to another parallel: the marriages. Luke and Lorelai broke up because of postponing their wedding. Chris and Lorelai on the other hand, broke up because they had rushed into getting married. I could go on and say how Chris proposed to Lorelai in Paris, the city of love, while Lorelai proposed to Luke in his diner as well. The comparisons are all over the place.

The reasoning the show gives for Lorelai and Chris not working out is because “the timing was never right” which I personally find to be bullshit. They were always too much alike to work out. I want to say I always expected and knew Luke would be who Lorelai ended up with but I’ll be honest, season 7 gave me a good scare. I still think their ending together was weak though.

If I had to rank who had the best love interests it would probably go:

Lorelai (she had the most common sense)

Lane (went from a nice, but slightly boring bf to an asshole who became surprisingly decent once they had kids)

Paris (two duds and a real winner)

Rory (her taste was very questionable)

You know, that is considering the canon love interests.

Rory had three boyfriends, but what if there was another possible love interest in between the lines? Someone who has been by her side the whole time.

Well.

Then there’s Paris.

Paris...Again

Paris who had big, definitive goals for herself just like Rory. Who was hardworking and had a strong work ethic that Rory (arguably) had as well. Paris also has the qualities I liked the best in Jess. Paris could understand Rory’s studiousness and later on her personality in general. This also works vice versa. Pretty much every character has a hard time understanding Paris or simply downright disliking her but Rory always had a decent understanding of her even if the reasoning was something like “Oh, she’s just being Paris.”. She also makes up for my biggest problem with Jess, being moody and never communicating with Rory. Paris, on the other hand, is always quick to tell Rory exactly what she’s feeling and why.

Granted, Rory and Paris were never written to be love interests and even their friendship had some blemishes. I think the potential for Gellmore becoming a likable couple was at its highest in season three and four and slowly diminished as the show went on. In the end, Rory and Paris is a good concept that sadly works best in fanon.

Their relationship in canon was for the most part one-sided. Rory never seemed to want or need or even consider Paris’s help. I also don’t think the show drew out how the two have many similarities as well many differences (you know, the whole “you two have more in common than you might expect” schtick). I know it’s already in the show, but I would’ve liked to see them build on it more.

However, even though they would still have issues in canon, I think Paris could’ve been an improvement or just an interesting addition to the canon love interests even if she didn’t end up as endgame or had a short-lived relationship with Rory. But hey, what are you gonna do when a show was made in the earlier 2000′s.

All in all the love interests in Gilmore Girls were...okay. For the most part. Even the ones I liked had some baffling moments that I could rant about. The romantic relationships were never the part of Gilmore Girls that I think people enjoyed though. We watched for the familial relationships and dynamics that gave the show its charm.

#anyways #gellmore #gilmore girls #rory gilmore #jess mariano #paris geller #lorelai gilmore #luke danes #logan huntzberger #lane kim #dean #luke van gerdic #doyle #christopher #dave #thank god i finally finished writing this #said i was going to like 2 days ago but uhhh

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bensboynton · 5 years

Text

Good Enough b.h; Part 5

SDLFJNL y’all about to be SHOOK by this chapter. i know i was writing it.

feedback is greatly appreciated!

link to my masterlist where you can find parts 1-4 is in my blog description

word count: 3.3k (short but VERY SWEET)

swearing: swearing, angst, a lil fluff, brief mentions of alcohol in the beginning, illusions to sex, unedited

It’s been three weeks.

Three weeks since you last got drunk with Lucy. Three weeks since you’ve even touched alcohol. And three weeks since you’ve talked with Ben.

And by “talked” you mean interact with him for longer than four seconds at a time. Ben was cold, distant, harsh. Never looked at you longer than he had to. Hasn’t answered a single text message or returned any one of your calls in, yes, you guessed it, three weeks.

It was so unbelievably fucking confusing! At one point, Ben felt like the only person in your vicinity who understood you. Who understood what you were going through. And now he won’t even look you in the eyes.

Yeah, maybe you shouldn’t have asked him to stay with you in your trailer that night. Maybe you should have let him go. And the longer you and Ben go without talking, the more you regret it.

And the more you regret making that phone call.

Your life was following the same monotonous schedule. Get up, go to set, film for however long you’re needed, insist that you’re just not that hungry every time Joe asks why you never eat dinner with them anymore, and go to sleep. Well, at least lay in bed.

You would sit in the dark for hours trying to remember what you said. Even just a tiny piece, but nothing came to mind. You blacked out, and you would never get those memories back. It would make your heart race and guilt course through your veins every time you thought about the call. It must’ve been bad enough to make Ben hate you. And that, in turn, made you hate yourself.

As time passes, you find yourself receding farther and farther into yourself. You’re getting even less sleep (if that’s even possible) and find yourself waking up with little to no motivation anymore.

You were even starting to regret taking this part.

And you hated how much you were being affected by this stupid blonde who was a two years older than you and also one of the best-looking people you’ve ever met. You hated how he made you feel. Yet you craved it. And it was unhealthy.

These were the thoughts that raced through your head on this oddly humid London night. The weatherman had been talking in your ear for the past week about a large rainstorm, practically a monsoon, hitting London on Friday night.

And for once, the meteorologist was right.

The rain was slamming into the sides of your trailer, and you were praying to God the wind wouldn’t throw your mini-house on its side. Even though deep down you knew it wouldn’t, your anxiety still made your stomach churn slightly at the thought.

You wondered what Ben was doing. Was he awake too? Did he get another girlfriend? Is that why he had been distant? Does he ever think about you? What did you say on that damn phone call?

And you suddenly had a crazy, insane, and stupid idea.

What if you showed up at his door right now? In the middle of the storm?

You practically leaped out of bed, throwing on the nearest cardigan and a random pair of shoes from the floor of your messy trailer. About to open the door, you hesitated, chewing your bottom lip nervously. What if you got hurt? What if you fell?

But at this point, you were a shell. Hollow. It wouldn’t matter much, anyway.

You knew how fucking insane this was, how crazy and stupid you’d be to actually walk through this massive storm to his trailer. But you didn’t seem to care. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered to you.

It was like every tear, every emotion that you had been trying to conceal and push down into the depths of your stomach can rushing out with urgency. And it rushed out in the form of partial insanity.

You threw open the door to your trailer, plunging yourself into the freezing cold rain and almost immediately being completely covered in water. You put your arm in front of your face to shield your eyes, and you began pushing through.

The visibility for you through the intense rain was low, but you knew the situation of the trailers like the back of your hand. You started making your way to Ben’s, slowly but surely.

You tried to pull your cardigan tighter against your body, but it was no use, as it was already completely soaked in rain. Your hair was wet, whipping wildly around your head in the wind.

You could almost laugh at how your inner turmoil felt like it had seeped out of your mind and was somehow created in real life, in the form of a storm. This was a new sensation: rain violently dancing around you like a hurricane. But it felt all too familiar, as this is how your stomach had felt every time you thought about Ben.

After what seemed like an eternity, Ben’s trailer came into sight. You used the railing near the wooden steps leading to his door to pull yourself up, before knocking on his door.

You knocked twice, and then paused for a moment before knocking again. You weren’t sure if he even heard your pounds at the door, as the storm was so loud. You were about to hit the door again when it swung open, to reveal a slightly disheveled Ben. His eyes were squinted shut for a moment, before they shot open at the sight of you on his doorstep, shivering and covered from head to toe in rainwater.

Without a second thought, Ben grabbed you and pulled you inside, slamming the door shut behind you.

“Y/N? What the bloody hell do you think you’re doing?” Ben asked, anger and confusion piercing through his words.

“I-I was-” you began to say before Ben cut you off.

“Are you fucking crazy? You could’ve died! What if you had fallen and couldn’t make it back to your trailer? What if something that the wind had picked up hit you in the head?” Ben continued, his voice getting louder.

You were slightly entranced at his voice, as it had been three weeks since he’s said more than three words to you. Guess this was bad timing to be enchanted by him.

Ben turned away from you, his muscular back a few feet away from you as he ran his hands over his face, exhaling loudly.

“I-I’m s-so-sorry B-Ben,” you spoke, your jaw moving in tune with the rest of your shivering body. Ben whipped around to look back at you, his face softening immediately. He noticed how you were clutching yourself so tight your knuckles were white.

“Here, let me get you some dry clothes, love.”

Ben’s voice was soft and compassionate, a complete 180 from the way it was a moment ago. Ben grabbed a sweatshirt and sweatpants of his, helping you walk to the bathroom in his trailer before leaving you to change. He had also given you a towel to dry your hair with and wipe your makeup off, as it had unfortunately smeared all over your face.

When you were finally cleaned up, you went out into the main part of the trailer to see Ben waiting with a cup of tea for you. You gratefully accepted, drinking it rather fast as you stared at him from across the tiny kitchenette.

It was silent. It wasn’t awkward or comfortable. It was just… quiet. The only sound that was heard was the rain slamming into the side of Ben’s trailer, similar to how it sounded at your own.

“I’m sorry for barging in on you and showing up unannounced so late it’s just…” you trailed off, looking down at your feet on the tile floor of the kitchenette.

“It’s just… what?” Ben asked, his voice tiny and small.

You took a deep breath, tears already forming in your voice as you looked back up at Ben. His face was solemn, and you first noticed a few dark bags that were slightly pulling the light out of his eyes.

“I’ve been driving myself insane for the past few weeks. And I know whatever I said on that dumb phone call was bad, must’ve been horrible for you to despise me as much as you do,” you spoke into the silence, Ben staring at you intently.

The space between the two of you was getting more noticeable. He was leaned against the counter, sipping ever so slightly on the mug of tea in his hands. You were standing awkwardly in front of the wall at the opposite end of the kitchen. If you were any further away from each other, you’d probably have to yell to hear.

It was ironic, really. The last time you were in a trailer with Ben, he was holding you so tight in his arms you almost couldn’t breathe. And now? It was like you were standing in a trailer with someone you had never met before.

“I’m sorry, for whatever I said. I’ve been trying to remember for three weeks and I just don’t. But I miss you, Ben. And I hate how weak that makes me sound. Because I’ve told myself for years that I don’t need anyone. But I do. Especially now. Especially you.”

Ben looked away from you finally, looking down into the mug of his tea, his gaze now not even near you. You felt the tears already welling up in your eyes as you stood in this mini kitchen with him.

“I’m so worried that we’re going to finish this movie, and I’m going to walk away, go back home to LA and never find someone who makes me feel the way I do when I’m around you.”

Still, Ben hasn’t raised his gaze from the mug of tea in his hands.

“You know, I’ve never been able to write songs about something happy. Every single song I write comes from a place of sadness. It might have a catchy chorus or really strong beat. But every song was written from a place of pain. Until I met you.” This statement grabbed Ben’s attention, bringing his strong gaze back to you.

“I wrote my first happy love song a week after I broke up with Y/BF/N. And I recorded it in my voice memos the day after I wrote it, not even noticing how the man in the story was a spitting image of you. When I crafted him in my head, I had you in mind,” you took a shaky deep breath in as a tear escapes your right eye, “a-and I think this means that I’m falling in love with you.”

Ben kept a stone cold look on his features for a few moments, and your stomach twisted into pretzels waiting for what he wanted to say.

Then he started laughing.

He was doubled over in loud, uncontrollable laughter. You couldn’t help the disbelief, embarrassment, and anger that was coursing through your veins. You had just laid your heart out on a silver platter, and he’s laughing.

“I’m sorry!” Ben spoke between laughs. You thought about stripping off Ben’s godforsaken clothes and walking to your trailer in just your underwear.

After he finally calmed down, he bit his lip and looked as if he was trying to hold back tears os his own. He leaned forward slightly and taking a few steps in your direction. “If it makes you feel any better, you weren’t mean to me on the phone call.”

You gave him a look, hoping he would understand that you wanted to know what you did say, and he must’ve understood.

“You actually confessed your love for me on the phone, an awful lot like what you just did. Except, you were slurring your words and it was hard to make sense of what you were saying.”

You rolled your eyes at Ben’s arrogance and sarcasm at this point in time. You were so annoyed and angry you could have punched him in the throat and walked out.

“I’ve had a lot of time to mull that over in my head, and I’m going to be honest. I haven’t slept very much these past few weeks. And I can assume you haven’t either?” Ben assumed, causing you to be offended for a few seconds before remembering how visible your under eye bags were without makeup.

“So you’re the one that’s been losing sleep over this? You? Unbelievable, Ben,” you snarled, your voice filled with defensive anger. How dare he stand here and pretend like he was the one who was hurt, like he was the one who was losing sleep over this.

“Yeah, actually! I have been.” Ben responded, mirroring your fury.

“Really? Why? How?” your voice was getting louder, the tears in your eyes starting to evaporate from your eyes because of the red-hot anger pouring out of you.

“Because,” Ben spoke, his voice suddenly losing it’s gusto and becoming small, “because when I asked you if you meant it, you said no.”

Ben’s voice was weak, tiny, and sounded as if it would collapse if he spoke another word. His eyes danced over your face, limp with shock. He grinned sadly, the anger dissipating from the room in two seconds flat.

“I thought you lied, said you didn’t actually remember because you regretted what you said. So I backed off, I gave you your space. Even if I didn’t want to.”

“Drunk words are sober thoughts, Ben,” you murmured lightly, causing a microscopic grin to break out on Ben’s face.

“When you were talking on the phone, I was frozen. I didn’t know what to say because I had so much to say,” Ben paused for a second before looking back into your eyes, “you sat there and rambled on and on about how you weren’t okay, how nobody loves you, how you’re always the one getting hurt, and I swear to God I thought my heart was breaking in my chest.”

“Because, Y/N, you deserve the world.You are the most talented singer I have ever heard, the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen, and one of the funniest people I’ve ever met. You deserve someone who treats you right, who won’t hurt you, who’ll make you feel special, cherished, and loved every goddamn minute of your life.”

Ben took a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself down a little bit.

“And I’m so sorry that you’ve had to deal with shitty guys who treat you anything less than what you deserve, because no one should ever have to go through that pain. No one should ever have to feel heartbreak,” Ben walked towards you, grabbing your hands and putting them on his chest, “I wish I could take that all pain away for you. Because your life is far too beautiful to be dragged down by the dumbass mistakes of even dumber guys.”

You hadn’t noticed you had been crying until Ben reached up to wipe the tears away from your cheeks with the pads of his thumbs.

“And, I think I love you too,” Ben whispered, his voice barely audible over the intense rain.

Your heart about fell out of your ass. He loves you too. You did the only thing you could do, the only rational thing in your extremely irrational brain.

You pulled his face to yours and kissed him.

It was everything you had been expecting and more. His lips were soft, tasting lightly of a mint chapstick you had seen him using before. And he was damn good at it, too.

His mouth moulded perfectly against yours, both of your lips moving in perfect symphony. His tongue brushed against your bottom lip, begging permission to deepen the kiss he had been waiting way too long for.

You almost moaned into his mouth at the feeling. His hands were roaming your body, and your hands were running marathons through his curly locks. You could’ve stayed like this forever.

A loud thunder from the heights of the sky rattled through the trailer so loud you felt it vibrate in your chest. You jumped, accidentally breaking the kiss. Ben gazed at you fondly for a moment, before letting out a tiny laugh and pulling you into a tight hug. “Don’t worry, I’ll protect you,” Ben spoke in a deeper voice than normal. You stuck you bottom lip out and playfully slapped him on the chest.

“Way to ruin the mood, dickwad.”

“What mood?”

“Oh, I don’t know, me walking through a rainstorm to get to your house and confess my love for you, for the second time, and then ending in us getting in a slight fight and making out in the middle of your kitchen.” Ben giggled lightly at your response, walking away and grabbing a red apple from its place on the counter. He bit into it aggressively, meeting your eyes again.

Through his loud chewing, he managed to get out, “A story for the kids.” He winked and walked into the small area where his bed was located. You clung onto his words slightly as you heard him collapse onto his bed.

“Are you going to join me or just stand in the kitchen all night?” Ben bellowed sarcastically from his place under the covers. You swore under your breath as you clambered over the bed, practically throwing yourself under the warm covers and into his arms.

Ben had turned the TV on, but neither of you were watching it. You knew you were thinking about what the future held, if your relationship would go anywhere. And about that damn kiss.

You really, really, wanted to do that again.

In your deep thought, you didn’t notice Ben’s heart racing in his chest. When you finally noticed the loud thumping in your ear, you angled your head slightly to look up at him. He gazed back at you smiling slightly. “Your heart is beating really fast.”

You could’ve swore you saw him blush. A quick glance behind his slightly cocky facade, “Damn, you caught me.”

You laughed lightly and rolled off of him, your head resting close to his.

“Should probably check your heartbeat…” Ben trailed off, moving his hand to lay on your right boob.

“Ben!” you exclaimed, laughing wildly as you pushed his hand off of your chest. He laughed and pulled you on top of him, your laughs and the now calm pitter patter of the rain outside. You were straddling him as you leaned down and pinned his hands to the side, trying to stop him from grabbing at you.

He gave up and just looked up at you, your hair ruffled, no makeup, breathing slightly labored due to you trying to fight a 200 pound man child. He admired you for a few moments, the TV buzzing quietly in the background.

“Kiss me.” you whispered, your face impossibly close to his.

“If you insist.” he murmured, pulling your face down to meet his. And if you thought it couldn’t get any better.

This kiss was slower, less urgent. It was sweet like chocolate, and it was warm and cozy. It made you want to curl up in his chest and make a home. The homeliness of this kiss didn’t last long, before his hands were wandering to your nether regions and yours were doing the same.

You moaned lightly into his mouth, giving him permission to flip you over on the bed. He was towering over you, his muscular arms supporting his body weight as you both needily devoured each other.

Before you knew it, shirts were off. And you were laying in the covers, still slightly cold form the rain, and now even more so due to your lack of clothes.

Ben returned back to the bed and kissed you again before pulling away once more, looking you in the eyes. He grabbed your hand and gave you a serious, yet concerned look.

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Yes. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life,” you responded without missing a single beat. Ben smirked, practically tackling you down into the bed.

So, you set fire to the world that night. And you couldn’t wait another day to get burnt.

taglist: @sweetheartben @benhardyseyes @ziggyspurplehaze @mrsmazzello @orchideax @ellalisaa @valeriecarolinaw @rexorangecouny @hardzzellos

#ben hardy #ben hardy fic #ben hardy headcanon #ben hardy x reader #ben hardy x you #ben hardy fanfic #ben hardy fanfiction #queen #borhap #borhap cast #borhap boys #bohemian rhapsody #bohemian rhapsody cast #bohemian rhapsody movie #ben hardy blurb #ben hardy oneshot #ben hardy imagine

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jeromevalseka · 5 years

Note

What are all of your jonathan/bruce headcanons 👀👀👀

alright so i put my (rambling, awful) headcanon for how they meet (because the show hates me and has purposefully kept them apart) above the cut, and below the cut i put more general (no less rambling or awful) headcanons but This is not Nearly all my headcanons or even close because i don’t know how to do things half way ty for enabling me

the first thing that’s important to understand is that bruce and jonathan know about each other already. jonathan is The Scarecrow. he held the city hostage with the other members of the league of horribles, he wears a patchwork scarecrow costume, he carries a scythe around. he’s not exactly incognito.

bruce is better at the whole operating secretly thing.

marginally.

the point is that bruce’s transition to batman isn’t as secret as he would like it to be. sure the average citizen in gotham has no idea who he is, but before bruce was good at the operating secretly thing, he was really bad at it. so bad, in fact, that for most of the criminals in gotham it’s not hard to connect the dots.

(which leads to an interesting rouge dynamic that i will avoid talking about now, however much i want to)

anyways the point is bruce may think he’s being subtle and jonathan may be a dumbass (i say with great love) but jonathan also knew, worked with, was, potentially, friends with jerome valeska.

jerome valeska who had a minor (at least when looking back retrospectively, when considering jeremiah, when considering the state of the city) obsession with bruce wayne.

jonathan and bruce knew about each other. that’s key. they knew bits and pieces, miscellaneous crimes and acts and character traits all gathered through second-hand sources. they knew about each other. let an idea build up about what the other was like, but when they meet

it’s not like they expected.

they meet when the city begins reunifying with the mainland. bruce isn’t exactly isolated but circumstances have made things fraught. (bane broke alfred’s back, jim has his hands tied between working with the government and little barbara, selina is as complicated as ever) so bruce isn’t isolated but he is alone and throwing himself headlong into dangerous situations.

one of those situations happens, of course, to involve jonathan crane.

it’s pretty standard. jonathan is trying to steal medical supplies from someone’s private stockpile. bruce is trying to stop him. they banter. they fight. they click.

bruce ends up leaving him handcuffed to a fire escape, his henchmen knocked out around him. later, that will be a joke they share. at that moment, though, it’s the igniting incident.

they usually meet in dingy, rundown dives around town. it doesn’t matter the circumstance (arkham breakout, generalized chaos, mob war getting out of hand, failing a psych midterm, etc) that’s where they’ll be.

jonathan knows bruce is batman (as established) but bruce doesn’t know that jonathan knows

that’s important, especially when considering that post-reunification a lot of records on arkham inmates were lost and bruce, ever a good person (and also in the wake of everything that happened with jeremiah) decided to use wayne enterprises infulence to push rehabilitation of the most at-risk inmates

listen. all i’m saying is that bruce pays for jonathan’s undergrad degree and his masters and his phd.

(jonathan being a doctor is something very important to me and also to bruce i guess)

inevitably this leads to the fun scenario in which jonathan flirts with bruce knowing that bruce is batman, fully aware that two nights ago they beat the shit out of each other, while bruce is unaware that he knows and is left floundering wondering if it would really be that bad to flirt with the scarecrow because he might, unfortunatley, have some feelings about him

you can imagine how that goes

jonathan calls bruce “baby” A Lot. all the time.

bruce likes to play with his fingers, hold his hand, casual intimacy

sorry but i just love the idea of the media having no idea that jonathan is the scarecrow or that bruce is batman so they’re constantly reporting about bruce wayne and his boyfriend doctor crane attending a charity auction for victims of the [insert some disaster that jonathan caused]

(was jonathan ever publically revealed to be the scarecrow? like obviously jim and the gcpd know and the government/any arkham employee left, but was it public knowledge? let me pretend that it wasn’t)

when jonathan’s arrested and tossed in arkham bruce has to play the teary eyed boyfriend who just wants his poor johnny to get the help he deserves. cut to bruce, two hours later, throwing him in a dumpster and yelling

overall, i think they probably managed to keep their relationship a secret in its early stages (especially early on in reunification) but i love the idea of literally everyone who matters finding out at the same time

jim would lose his shit like completely. so would alfred, probably.

jonathan doesn’t have any friends really (jervis tetch does not count and should stay away from jonathan entirely) so i’m going to put it out there that him and bridgit would be great friends and would definetly shit talk their respective bf/gf (because bridgit and selina would be dating in this perfect world ofc)

for angst consider that one time when bruce gets sprayed with his fear toxin, jonathan doesn’t escape right afterwards and instead stays and listens as bruce cries out for his parents and he, somehow, ends up in the position of holding bruce as he rides out the effects (he leaves before bruce comes back to his senses fully but still. the sight of bruce like that affected him more than he would care to admit)

you know what jim would definitely make some dumb joke about how his daughter is going to be surrounded by criminals forever when he finally reconciles with bruce, but he;d still put his foot down and would not let bruce babysit babs if there’s a chance jonathan would be around

one time, i don’t claim to understand the context of this, at like a christmas party or something in the iceberg lounge they makeout in front of everyone (the rouges and jim/lee and whoever else i never claimed to plan things out well) and idk i just think its neat

bruce will take any excuse to rip jonathan’s mask off. he hates it. he wants to see his face god damnit

in this ideal world bruce will have ace the bat hound and yes, jonathan may be more of a cat person, but damn that dog helped keep them together when they first got started

listen this is already long so i’ll shut up but consider: what does jonathan’s accent do to bruce?

#ask #gotham #p: bruce x jonathan #scarebat #anyways someone else ask me for scarebat headcanons or aus or anything i love them

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trashayfanfiction · 5 years

Text

Blanca+Ash: Feelings of Loneliness

SPOILERS

I think it needs to be edited a lot more before posting on AO3, but with the new ep that just came out FUCK I need to post this. The hospital scene in BF is more heartbreaking than the ending to me. No words, no touch, only longing for what you can’t have. I cry.

...........................

Lost Souls, Salted Wounds

Feelings of Loneliness

He couldn’t stay. He knew he couldn’t stay. Escaping with Eiji was a good dream, but an unrealistic one.

He took the offer of ‘retiring’ in the Caribbean. He didn’t want to die yet, with that memory to keep him warm, the heat, the sun, and chocolate skinned women did nothing for him. Eiji would be safe away from him. The plane ticket was tempting, but naïve…. Just like the rest of the sweet man. There was no way he could escape himself and his fate. If he stayed, violence would follow him. He wanted to keep that friendship.

“You will always be my friend,” He tried not to cry while reading that letter. He’d thrown the plane ticket away to not be tempted. The thought of escape was too painful. He kept the letter. He read it over and over.

He felt better when he didn’t read it. Tears stained the page, and now he didn’t know if they were all his own. Maybe there were tear marks on it when he first received it… he didn’t quite notice then. He was shocked and in awe, and his heart fluttered. His heart ached. His heart had never ached and wanted like before that letter.

He felt loved. It was returned.

He tried to maintain his appetite. He’d wrote a letter of his own, letting Eiji know why; that they needed to be realistic. It couldn’t happen. Eiji would probably forget about him in a couple years anyways. Hopefully.

He hoped Eiji would forget him in a couple years, because he wanted everyday the other’s presence. He knew what he was missing. It was hard to go back.

“It is better to have loved and lost than never loved at all,” - Alfred Lord Tennyson

The Japanese man’s presence owned more than a small part of Ash. He always would… He shouldn’t have added his feelings in that letter. Eiji was sentimental enough that a small part of him would never forget that note even if he choose to move on.

He remembered the first time he met Eiji….

Not shy in the slightest, too excited to know he should be scared. The kid was charming. He was definitely still a kid at nineteen when they met, by the time he was twenty-one he was more of a man. He had seen Ash’s horrors and some of his own. Ash hated that seeing horrors was what made you an ‘adult’.

“I was about half in love with her by the time we sat down. That’s the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty…you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are.” J. D. Salinger

He knew Eiji didn’t exist to make him feel better, but it was nice to have someone ease his pain. Ash chased that feeling. It was crushing him. He wished he didn’t know what it was like to feel better.

“To be able to say: I loved this person, we had a hell of a nice time together, it’s over but in a way it will never be over and I do know that I for sure loved this person. To be able to say that and mean it, that’s rare.” -Hemingway

He was a monster that knew love. It was hard going back to being just a monster. Here in the Caribbean he was supposed to be leaving even the monster behind, or at least running away from those who knew what he was. He didn’t know how to live. He was here with one of the men who fed into him being a monster, despite wanting a normal life for the both of them.

“The heart was made to be broken.” Oscar Wilde

He told Blanca to go shove it with the literature. He’d had enough of people telling him about human experience. “The true loneliness, my ass.” Telling him that others felt the same didn’t make him feel better.

He threw the books all over their large library. He found no solace in them. His former teacher looked surprised but let him have his explosive tantrum while looking on from his green leather reading chair. Ash knew it was immature to have this kind of hair trigger, but this made it feel better, at least for the time being.

He stood in the room fuming, frozen, breathing hard, choking, before sinking to the floor with aid of one of the hardwood pillars. His face was wet. He hid in his hair, the blonde he always hated…. What gave him the attention to have the life he did. His hair, his face, his eyes…. He wanted to rip them out. But he would be a victim anyways, no matter how he looked. People just wanted power. They all did. He remembered being harshly punished when he gave himself a buzzcut when he was 12. Dino had hated it. When they found he needed glasses, he wanted the thickest ones so he could to hide his face. Dino picked out stylish slim wire frames. They made his hair look more golden.

Eiji had liked his hair and eyes, but had never prized him for it. Eiji prized his company…. Any kind of company…. His friend, not his only friend, but even Shorter revealed that sex was a motivator with him at first….. Eiji was genuine curiosity.

Sergei slowly put the books back on the shelf.

“Imagine how you’d feel if he died,”

Ash didn’t want to think about it.

“You’d feel worse. And you’d have known it was coming,” Soft thumps of the books sliding back into place, the only sound in the room aside from his sniffling. Sergei was probably making the sound in an attempt to be courteous,

“It’s going to hurt for a while, but it’s the right call. When I first lost my wife-“

“Don’t you think I fucking know! I know! Alright?! That’s why I’m here with you! God! I know what can happen to him, that doesn’t mean I don’t fucking miss him okay!?”

Choking, sobbing again, but more subdued this time. “I almost lost him so many times. Each time……”

Less anger, more pain, before the roles switched and venom was back. “I still don’t forgive you.” Barbed wire curling at his throat, “You could have helped me from the beginning,”

Blanca shook his head, “I didn’t know what it would do to you after accepting. I regretted taking that job,”

“But you’ve carried out all of them. How many jobs have you regretted?”

The older man smiled at him, “None,” ….Not reaching his eyes.

Ash growled, “….Don’t lie through your teeth,”

“Just because I haven’t liked jobs, doesn’t mean I regret them,”

…………………………………………………………………….

These outbursts didn’t happen like clockwork. Sometimes they were provoked, sometimes not. Blanca offered counseling with his psychology degree and shared experiences, but Ash declined.

Blanca told him he didn’t approve of avoiding problems, but to let him know the option would stay open for if it was ever needed. “I don’t like seeing you like this, and I don’t want you blaming me,”

…………………………………………………

Ash would come around in his own time. He was a wild animal after all. If there was nothing to fear, he could become bold and allow himself assistance.

…………………………………………………………………….

“Can I sleep here tonight?” Ash asked. He sat on the edge of Blanca’s bed, toing the carpet. His face was still salty. Tears had dried into uncomfortable crusts. He hadn’t asked much. Hadn’t opened up much, but it as a start.

“This was always easier when I slept next to him,”

“You’re an adult. You don’t need anyone to sleep next to you,” Ask for help, not a crutch.

“Yes I do,”

“I’m not a substitute for your lover,” Eiji was a crutch. Overall good, but Ash seemed set that the Japanese man would heal all his wounds. Experience told him it wasn’t true. You healed yourself. Other’s helped, but it was you who made the decision.

“He wasn’t my lover!” Ash protested and flinched. He did his best to hide a blush. Not his lover, his friend… He had other friends, but Eiji was different. He let Eiji in. He wouldn’t mind if it was Eiji.

“Perhaps not, but given time you would have got there. I know you,”

“No you don’t! If you did, you’d know this would help me! I need sleep,” He pleaded, “I haven’t slept in so long…,”

This hurt child next to him. Young man, at least he should be… Sergei wanted to help… “I don’t think this is a good idea,”

“I trust you, I can sleep next to you,”

Sergei bit his cheek, sighing one last protest.

“This is…. Strange,” He wouldn’t say wrong.

“You will owe me for this, just so you know. I find it appalling that pajamas are needed to appropriately to share a bed, especially in this weather,”

Ash laughed. Eiji made similar horrible jokes.

What the man found for pajama’s was as dorky as Ash had imagined. Proper pajamas. Orange and ivory vertical stripes. He made sure to tease him about it. Ash wore gym shorts and a T-shirt. … one of Eiji’s old shirts.

It no longer smelled like him, but the thought was there.

“You shouldn’t have that,” Blanca told him before they lay down, poking the little skeletal fish on the left breast. It wasn’t something Ash would have picked out on his own.

Ash clutched it protectively, curling up in the sheets as the other opened his book.

“It’s fine,” Ash grumbled,

“You’re not letting go of the past, how do you expect to move forward?”

“You still have pictures of her,” Ash accused him. He was given a sideways glance.

“I know, but I don’t dwell on them. I try to live in the now,”

………………………………………

Asleep they didn’t touch. He hadn’t expected to be held anyways. It would be weird from his teacher. This wasn’t like sleeping next to Eiji, but maybe the presence……

………

He tried to strangle Blanca in his sleep. Getting himself quickly pinned. The ex-hitman had bolted awake, but anyone would have been roused by the screaming insults. The blonde’s breathing quickened, it caught in his throat. His asphyxiation woke him, eyes wide in terror. Flashbacks of being pinned under so many other men. He gasped. A nightmare he said. The men were back.

The older man nursed his bloody nose. A lucky hit.

“….I’m sorry….” Ash whispered quietly.

“Are you tired now?”

“Yes,” The adrenaline had worn off and he slept soundly.

But he didn’t sleep in Blanca’s bed after that.

………………………………………………………………..

They were not alike. Ash regretted the people he killed, but it was the people who chased him who tormented his thoughts; living people. The dead couldn’t hurt him anymore. He was only haunted by the innocents that were killed in the crossfire. He worried for his soul because he didn’t regret killing the bad men …. Not often anyways.

Sergei was the opposite; Many of the people he killed never wronged him. He tried not to debate whether they deserved to die. He didn’t worry for his own soul. That might have meant Ash had more soul to save than he did.

Ash was more solid in his convictions. Almost everyone he killed, he did so venomously. He didn’t regret. The regretted the fringe effects, the violence that twined around him and the people he loved. ….Killing in anger was something Sergei related to, but often didn’t practice.

Ash was in tune with his feelings, he didn’t know how to accept feeling numb. He had no vices such as drugs, booze, partying, or sex. He might have adjusted better to daily life if he knew how to escape and have fun.

Eiji was his only vice.

………………………………………………………………

………………………………………..

“Gh-Get out!” Blanca sat up in bed, woman quickly following him, clutching his arm. The blonde was standing at the foot. He had robotically walked into the room. Cold green eyes stared him down. Expressionless but judging.

The girl next to Blanca giggled at the young man, sheet slipping lower on her naked form.

“Who’s he? He’s booold, and cute,” She pinched her partner’s stubbly cheek, bright and begging. He skin was flushed. She was topless.

“Do you think he should join?” She whispered in the hitman’s ear.

Slick tan skin. His teacher was blushing. Maybe from the girl, maybe his presence.

“What are you doing here?”

Ash quickly looked away, giving the window a death glare. Straight face. Why was he here? Why was he compelled…. He knew what Blanca was doing in here…. What he was always doing.

Those distant pretty eyes looked like jewels in the sunbeam from the window, watching particles of dust floated in the room as his body was jostled.

Ash got up and left when it was over. He’d stayed silent the whole time with the exception of a few grunts that might have been just for show. He and Blanca touched once when they were in bed; Large hand attempting to guide Ash’s in a more practiced way to touch a woman. The younger flinched away. Perhaps frightened, embarrassed… Blanca couldn’t tell. He could usually read these things.

Ash had came to his bed looking for attention.

He left when the woman was pressed between them.

……………………………………………………………………..

This wasn’t fun. This was high anxiety.

……………………………………………………………………..

She made him feel large. He wasn’t used to that feeling, especially during sex. …someone so much smaller than him, under him….. This would hurt. He shouldn’t like this. ….he did kind of like this though. It felt good…. Kinda. Warm around him. Slick. Gripping him, urging him closer to the edge of pleasure.

Did she want this? She basically threw herself at him. ….but he threw himself at many men.

He wished it was Eiji.

Eiji never did anything he didn’t want to do.

Ash admired that. Standards to the point of being stupid. Stubborn. Unwavering, unable to be budged. Sure of all the decisions he’d made. Unapologetic about them.

Eiji……..

He wondered if there was anything about him Eiji regretted.

Eiji was so strong. He admired him. Loved him. He wanted to stay. Stay forever.

……………………………………………………………………..

…………………………………………………………………………………………

“I have a gift for you,” his teacher stated, standing at the counter making breakfast. He looked comically domestic in his blue apron, hair pulled back into a much too casual ponytail to be classified as ‘pristine’.

“Nnnggh?” Ash slumped against the table. His morning head was fuzzy, but Sergei insisted on keeping a regular sleep schedule. Breakfast at eight-thirty was seen as ‘reasonable’.

A mug of black coffee was pushed to him. “That’s not the gift though,” the other stated, “this is the gift,” A small piece of paper was slid in front of him. Square, torn on the corner of a page. Easy to be lost.

Okumura Eiji

A phone number

Izumo, Japan

He blinked up at his teacher. The sad concerned gaze looked down on him.

“Give him a call sometime if it’s what you need,”

Ash wanted to ask if he would monitor that call.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

He kept the note on his mirror for a few weeks. He didn’t look at it; he didn’t use his mirror. He didn’t like seeing his pale skin, green eyes, blonde hair….. objects of lust.

Only Eiji didn’t lust after him. ….well, he guessed Blanca didn’t either. He had thrown himself at the other man, seeking validation. He used the other’s weaknesses to get what he wanted. …but Blanca let him use those weaknesses. ….Maybe Sergei wasn’t strong. Ash bit his lip.

He just needed to know what it was like to have sex with someone he liked. What he was missing…. He wanted to be in love again. He knew Sergei and sex wasn’t the answer. It wasn’t a patch.

He was self-medicating…. Being self-destructive about it. He knew this…. But he just wanted to wallow in it. There was nothing good. Nothing that could make him happy like Eiji. He was throwing a tantrum.

A tantrum like a child.

One night he called that number. It was a reasonable time in Eiji’s timezone, he’d checked. He didn’t know how much he wanted the other to answer.

His fingers trembled as he stood in the kitchen, dialing the numbers. Every click of symbol pressed echoed through the room. He huddled around the phone on the snackbar. His toes played with the rungs of the barstool. Anxious. What would Eiji say? They hadn’t spoken. He didn’t know Eiji’s reaction to his letter.

The phone rang. It rang so many times Ash almost hung up. He was trembling.

“Moshi moshi?” A young girl. Eiji’s sister. He smiled at the memory. Eiji wasn’t alone.

“Okumura Eiji?” He tried to hide his accent. To sound normal.

She said something in Japanese before covering the receiver and yelling across the house. He smiled lightly. She was young, or at the very least carefree. After a few seconds there was chatter in the background. Male chatter.

Ash’s heart began pounding. He was shaking so badly. He clutched the receiver to his cheek.

“Hello?” Light confusion, inquiry. An English response. The sister’s voice in the background. Snickering, teasing.

Eiji’s voice. Eiji’s breathing.

He opened his mouth. No sound could come out. He didn’t know if he was breathing. How he wanted…. Everything. To see him. To hear his voice. To hold him. To apologize….. and no sound would come out. He felt moisture drip down the receiver onto his hand. Sweat. Tears. He couldn’t take it.

Something. He needed to say something. Eiji would hang up.

“…..Ash?”

He needed to say something. A…..

“Are you there Ash? Is it you?” Relief. Hope. Disbelief. Joy.

……………All things he didn’t deserve.

He hung up.

He couldn’t be with Eiji again, he knew that. He wondered what the Japanese boy thought of the line going dead.

……………………………………………………………………..

He didn’t know how much time passed. If Ash started counting the days, the days would never end.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

“Hey kitten!” Booming voice echoed across their front room to where Ash was laying in a sunbeam. The window was warm, the beach was beautiful. “The phone’s for you,”

He grumbled, shifting, stretching out of his comfortable nap. He padded over to where Blanca was holding the phone against his chest protectively. “Now be nice. He told me what you did last time,”

Ash gave the older man a sour look, “Who the fuck is it anyway?” He unceremoniously grabbed the receiver.

A knowing smile, “You really should work on getting a better attitude. Maybe I should ask him to change that,”

“Ash!? Ash is that you! Thank gods you are safe!”

Green eyes went wide. He dropped the receiver. It clattered to the floor, shell cracking sending a small bit of plastic skittering across the surface. The phone was still working, he could hear Eiji’s frantic words muffled. They would be clear next to his ear. ….why?

He turned to Blanca in anger.

“You don’t want me to see him!! Why?!”

Eiji could probably hear them.

When Ash left, Sergei picked up the phone, brushing the shattered plastic into a pile and throwing it away. Before putting it back in the cradle, he checked it against his ear. Dial tone only.

“I’m sorry little bunny. Perhaps I’m too distressed to help. He is a handful isn’t he?” The room was silent.

Exiting the room he was met with an angry blonde franticly pacing the lounge. Lanky hands ruffling and pulling his hair, as if messing it up would help solve his emotions.

“You’re leading me on! Giving me his number! And then you do this!”

“I don’t know how to help you Ash. I want to, believe me,”

“You’re a psychiatrist, you shouldn’t be fucking up this bad!”

“I know,”

“Is it because you see yourself in me? Huh? Is that it? Because I think it is. Big difference though, Sergei, your wife is dead!! You can’t see her, even if you wanted to! Eiji is alive and I want to see him! I want to see him every day, so much it hurts. But I can’t because if I do THEN he’ll die. I can’t have him dying because of me. I can’t have him and I know that! You know that! You knew what would happen when you married your wife. I’m not that selfish. My own happiness is not worth hurting him!”

“I want you to be at peace,”

“Then let me fucking die already. You tell me to stay away, you tell me to get rid of his things, and then you do this!! You keep your wife’s momentos. You don’t move on. You don’t want to move on!”

“I understand death is tempting. You can hold someone in your heart without forgetting them,”

“It’s different when that someone is actually dead,”

“I don’t like seeing you like this. You’re stronger than this,”

“No I’m not. I’m tired of being strong. I’m so fucking tired,”

………………………………………………………..

“I want to know what it’s like to do it with someone I like,”

“Then you should have done it with him,” The comment was calm but biting. Another wall for Ash to fight. More and more of Blanca’s comments seemed to be biting. Ash was getting to him.

“You’re a psychiatrist. Shouldn’t you be able to help me?” Snide comments.

“It only works for those who want help. You don’t. You want to throw a temper tantrum because you faced the reality that you can’t be with your boyfriend without him getting hurt. You are blaming me for the option you chose,”

“Then give me what I want!”

“I care about you, but I don’t exist to make you feel better,”

“I fucking know that,”

“Then stop using people as crutches. Stand on your own two feet,”

Ash’s eyes met the floor. “I-I can’t.” He toed the marble floor…. He always hated the bougie places the men around him prided…. “I’ve been on my own for so long. I didn’t know how hard it was to be alone until I had him.”

He knew it sounded pathetic. Like he was giving up. He wished he could say he wasn’t always alone. He had Skip, and Shorter, and Blanca. Alex and the guys. He wasn’t alone before Eiji.

The Japanese man just had the uncanny ability to see through his bullshit.

…….his teacher also had this ability, but his teacher was centered in a harsh reality he’d rather forget. Eiji was naïve optimism, Blanca was well-worn reality.

He had always lived in reality.

“I would like you to start calling me by my real name then,”

..……………………………..

Ash curled against him. Sex had never sated his body before. For the time being it was nice. He didn’t know how many days it would last, but it made him feel connected to something. Someone. Someone who liked him.

But….It still felt dirty and wrong, just like all the other times he did it. His skin prickled. He wanted to scrub it off. Disgust. Even with someone he liked….. it would have likely been the same with Eiji, but maybe it would have been different.

It was a strange feeling. He could see why people chased that feeling, the first half of it anyways.

For the first time, this feeling made the older man sick. He had rarely felt the second half of the feeling…. Regret.

……………………………..……………………………..

Days passed, they never spoke of it. Ash never came looking again.

………………………………………………………………………..

The blonde ruffled through the boxes in the bottom of the wardrobe.

The tired man stood at the door. “You shouldn’t be so quite, Kitten. I saw you leave for my room, not making a noise can be suspicious too, remember.

Green eyes looked up at him.

“You didn’t keep her wedding dress?”

Natasha’s sundress. Yellow floral. Quaint buttons down the front. The young man held it in front of himself as if to try it on.

“Put that back,”

Ash had never heard that tone from his teacher. Almost panicked. ….good. He took a step closer, skirt swaying around his thin but no longer girlish knees. His shorts were hidden behind the fabric, it was almost as if he was wearing it. He was still slim, he could still look good in this.

“I look kind of like her, don’t you think?” Evil. He saw it. Intent to slice to the core.

This one was not his wife.

“She was nothing like you,”

“You wouldn’t hit me and risk hurting it would you?” He hiked the skirt up, showing off his smooth thighs…. A disgusting gesture.

Natasha’s mother had made her that sundress to celebrate her acceptance in to university. Her family who would never see her again…..

“You need to put that back,” he repeated.

……………………………

He was hit in the face and knocked to the floor. Not like combat training. Driven by an emotion.

“You’re not the only one who can feel pain, you selfish prick. Salt your own wounds,” Ash had never heard venom in the older man’s voice, “Leave mine out of it.” The emotion was only for an instant. A breaking point, quickly covered up by time and composure.

He felt good to know that Sergei had a breaking point, even when Blanca was untouchable. He reveled in that knowledge. He wanted to dig his fingers into that sore spot. As always, Blanca read him like a book.

“Don’t aggravate old scars, or I will kill you too,”

“Maybe I want you to kill me….” Still challenging.

He laughed to himself. This was like the stores his teacher gave him.

…………………………………………………………

They didn’t talk for the next week. Blanca barely looked at him. He felt a different kind of ache in his heart than before. There was still the yearning for Eiji, what he’d lost. But his gut told him it was disappointed in his actions. He had hurt someone, intentionally. He liked it. He could have chosen not to. He wasn’t supposed to like it. This man had just tried to help.

Would he take this out on Eiji someday?

…………………………………………………………..

A few days later Sergei spoke. Worn, unkept. Mirroring Ash.

“You can’t stay here anymore. I’m sending you to Japan.”

#banana fish fanfic #banana fish #ash lynx #blanca #ash x eiji #TrashAYfanfiction #asheiji #Eiji Okumura #fanfiction #fanfic #alternate ending #angst #blanca x ash #banana fish spoilers

32 notes · View notes

ashleyomidi · 5 years

Text

So..

Today at work I had another opportunity to share what God is calling me to do in my life and my coworker gave me this wonderful idea to write a blog after I told her that He led me to book a one-way ticket to LA on my birthday. (S/O to Alison Shine 🤗)

But let’s backtrack a little.

A month ago -April 4th to be exact- is where I got to have more of a 1-on-1 convo on set with Noah Centineo since they had us standing right next to each other. Before this day, we had a few interactions on set but never did I get a chance to actually get to know him a bit.

Funny enough, I actually wanted to hate him after this day because I personally get to know people by asking them questions and he didn’t ask me ANYTHING back to do the same ☹️ I was so upset because I see everyone, no matter how big of a platform you have, as regular people. I refuse to be seen as less than just because of how many people know you 😭 like dang. Anyways, I just wish he saw me as a regular girl but I can’t blame him because if I was famous, I wouldn’t know if people genuinely cared about me either.

BUT THEN, I think the Lord did this- at home I was on YouTube and an interview of Noah popped up on my home page and I clicked “not interested” so it could leave my screen lol 💀 and it did, BUT THEN the audio played in the background somehow so I had no choice but to watch it 🙄😒.

It’s a good thing I did though because in the interview I learned that 1: he said as he gets more famous he needs to be more guarded (which I totally understand bc ppl be fake) 2: he would never date a fan, and 3: he said ppl wouldn’t talk to him if he wasn’t in movies.

So tryna be in his shoes and look at his POV, I understood why he acted the way he did with me even tho (idk if he felt the same) but I felt mad chemistry 😩 (the other background actors beside me said he kept looking at me when I was looking down as he was telling everyone riddles but who knows really 🤷🏾‍♀️).

If he was just a regular guy I would totally hit him up and ask him to chill w me 😭💔 (and y’all are probably like who wouldn’t 🙄😒 tru tho 😑) but ugh he’s everything I look for in a boy. He is SO humble (best trait in a human being ever btw ✨ but v rare), genuine, and wise (I get bored reAL QUICK if you don’t stimulate my mind haha 💀 my last 2 bfs were potheads so ya lol smh 🤦🏾‍♀️)

After watching several more of his interviews on YouTube, I was totally in love ahahaha 🙃🙂🙃🙂. Maaan . I was like Ash chill 🙄 you haven’t even had a real convo w this boy loolol.

During my quiet times with the Lord all I could think about was Noah. Which was very weird to me because I was in a season where it was just me and God and I was honestly so content with dying and not getting married bc I just couldn’t see myself with any guy. There was no one that I knew that could stimulate my mind nor loved God as much as I did. (Idk if Noah is saved and knows Jesus personally himself but he says he’s spiritual -idk what that means yet- and I love the fact that he makes sure he doesn’t conform to the rest of the immorality of this world. He keeps to himself by spending a lot of time alone, making sure he doesn’t change who he is- like society does and wants everyone else to do).

Everyday, Noah was constantly on my heart and consumed the majority of my mind. I just wanted one more day to get to know him or even ask him out 😭. Bc this was so unsual for me to have someone I barely knew to be on my mind, I did keep asking God if Noah was an idol and if I was no longer keeping Him first. But He led me to read Debi Pearl’s “Preparing to Be a Help Meet” and from that point on, I knew God was calling me to be Noah’s help meet.

In mid April, I assumed I was going to meet Noah on set again since God revealed to me that this was what He saw was right.. but no. Instead, it’s been almost a month and a half now since that day we interacted on set and I’ve been completely antsyYyy y’all 🙃. I’d say it’s been horrible but He’s been teaching me so so much. About myself, about people, life, and even potential obstacles I may face if He was calling me to be Noah’s wife especially at this young age. Like what.. thinking of marriage at 20 years old ?? Excuse me. That ain’t me .

Last Friday, on May 10th I booked a one-way ticket to LA for my birthday on May 26th and I don’t even know how to feel about it even though it’s always been my dream place to live and breathe 😭😩💕.

As of now, I have way too many concerns. 1) Noah had told me that they’d be here filming until probably mid May and it’s now May 15th and I still haven’t been called to set ever since April 4th- the last time I saw him. 2) I’ve been waiting to meet him again and ask him out on a date ever since then so why would I go to LA if I’m not going there to spend time with him 😭 3) I have yet to book accomodations because God did not tell me to do so.. I think He wants me to stay with Noah since He’s already calling us into marriage.. and 4) this means I have 11 more days to wait on God and watch Him orchestrate something so good that only His Hand can do. I’m SO scared yet excited at the same time 😭😭😭😩.

Updates coming soon 🌊

Made a new tumblr account today (May 15th) for this reason and I pray that more people come to Christ because of being witnesses of what the wonderful God is doing in my life. May You be given all the glory Father 😊💖 Amen.

P.S. i didn’t mean to reblog my own post idk how to undo it 💀

#noah centineo

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someventingspace · 5 years

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Declaration of Independence-Grievances Against the Ex

Honestly I really hate you and I hate that I ever felt any other way and like it’s been 3 months but I still am in pain and sure I know far better than to ever want you back bc dear god I fucking hate you with every ounce of my being but I still feel a twinge if pain when I see you and remember that I used to love you and used to see myself being with you forever bf thought that was the face I would wake up to when I was old and grey and I’m absolutely disgusted that I ever thought that and that you ever let me and I’m angry that you used me very blatantly. I’m angry you lied to me. I’m angry that I’ll never know how long you were lying. I’m angry that I believed you. The fact that you ended it the way you did is absolutely despicable and I want you to know that that is absolutely unforgivable. I never want to see you again. But I hate that at the same time here’s a part of me that would run back into your arms and kiss you if you gave me the chance. I hate that part of me. That part won’t ever take over, ever. I’ll make sure of it. My hatred is too strong. You hurt me too bad to ever be let back in. So it’ll stay and just make me hurt every once in a while when I’m least expecting it. I know you’re not hurting as bad as I am. In fact you’d have no right to be. I’d be angry if you were. You aren’t allowed to set yourself on fire then complain that you’re hot especially when I’m the one that you drenched in gasoline. I hate that you exist. You had no right to do anything that you did to me. You’re disgusting. There were things that you knew were important to me that you blatantly disregarded. You were selfish. So unbelievably selfish. I can’t even come up with a comparable fictional character to be quite honest. You really liked to pretend you cared about me but looking back it was so very clear that you only cared about yourself and were unwilling to make any measure of sacrifice. I know that you cheated. You cheated. You can deny it all you want but we both know it’s true. With which person I may not be exactly sure but I definitely have it narrowed down to three and honestly I know it could have been any or all of them. I didn’t so much as look at another guy or girl the entire time we apart because I was so stupidly devoted to you. I trusted you and I really wish that for once you had let me be right about something. I wish you hadn’t blamed our issues on my mental health issues—the ones I was actively trying to fix. I stopped going to you with these problems because I really didn’t want to burden you because I knew you were struggling and I literally BEGGED you to come to me with any issues you had because hell if anyone could help it would be me. I’d been through it all. But you never made me feel like I could come to you. I was scared to go to you. I’m disappointed in you for not letting me be involved in trying to fix us. I’m ashamed of you for thinking you could be in charge of all of this yourself and making me feel secure when I asked about the state of our relationship then a day later telling me it was actually crushed to bits. You decided that your decisions were far more powerful than mine. That’s not how relationships work and you’re going to go through so many relationship struggles because of that so good fucking luck dude. I told you I had issues with some things you were doing and you said you’d stop. Then you didn’t. You kept going and made me feel like I’d be a bad girlfriend if I asked you not to. You weren’t you. You were just waiting for a reason to break up. You were just to much of a coward to come up with a problem yourself so you waited for me to bring one to you. You are such a fucking wimp. A loser. A goddamn coward. You’ve spiraled me into constant hate and anger and I hope you know that you are not welcome to see me ever again.

You were never a good boyfriend to me. Through the occasional romantic gesture you managed to give me the illusion that you were but looking back there’s no reason you should have made it even close to the whole 1 year, 2 months, and 14 days you were with me. You treated me horribly. You made me feel worthless. You made me feel like an object. You ignored me. You kept me in a box separate from the rest of your life. Why didn’t I really ever know your friends despite you knowing mine? Why’d you try and keep me so far from the new people you met? Why’d you like a bunch of her Instagram pictures from before you two even met? (By the way though, tell her that her song on Spotify is actually really good. She has a really pretty voice and that song is honestly one of my favorite songs rn. I hate you. I don’t hate her.) Why’d you treat me like an idiot? I’m not as oblivious as I used to be. So you were scared and ran I guess. Some have told me that maybe you left because you were intimidated by the fact that I had accomplished so much more. I really hope that’s not the case because dude that’s so fucking shallow and if it is true get the fuck over it. I guess in that case you were more like my dad than I thought. Congratulations I suppose. Maybe you guys should hang out sometime. I think you’d get along just fine now that I’m seeing this side of you. I’m honestly really sad about some of the connections you caused me to lose because of your horrific choices. Believe it or not I actually grew to really love your family. I cared a ton about your grandparents who were literally the sweetest people I had ever met. And I never get to say goodbye or thank you or say prayers when things get bad for them. I hate that you took that. The last day I saw you? I saw you for about 20 minutes before I spent the rest of the day hanging out with your family where honestly I enjoyed myself more than I had during the rest of that weekend with you. Your parents were not bad at all and your brother is frickin hilarious and your older little sister is honestly really frickin cool and honestly if you hadn’t crushed me I probably would’ve talked to her more after that. But you couldn’t see that now could you?

For these reasons I am hereby declaring myself independent of you. I hope I never have to interact with you again from here on out and honestly I hope that there’s someone out there that can spot your bullshit and keeps you from doing this ever again. I know I deserve far better than you. You were right about that much. You can’t give me what I need. I need someone who will answer my texts and have me as a priority. I need someone who will hug and kiss me in public. Not make out in public, just kiss. You couldn’t do either of those. I need someone willing to work for a relationship. I need someone who won’t run at the first sign of struggle. The next one will involve me in all aspects of their lives. They’ll listen to me. They’ll bring me some fucking flowers once in a while (they don’t even need to be store bought like literally they can just bring me some pretty ones they found growing off a road and I’d be thrilled). They’ll treat me as an equal and encourage my success. They’ll actually be excited when I accomplish things and take interest in the things I do. They’ll be a frickin fantastic S.O. They’ll be the exact opposite of you. I know you’ll probably never see this. Part of me wants you to. Another doesn’t. I never mentioned your name or anything identifying but oh my god if you read this you’ll know it’s you I’m talking about and I hope you enjoy the fact that I’ve moved on and will never EVER take you back. I hate you. But you chose this for yourself. I pray—for the sake of your friends, family, future spouse, and the kids that will one day call you dad—that you’ll change this. I want you to be a the better person that I know you probably can be. There was something there that I used to love. I hope you foster that part of you because the world doesn’t deserve the monster that is your current self. I’m free, bitch. And honestly, even though I’m in pain I’m still somehow happier than I’ve ever been.

#breakup #ex boyfriend #hate #hurt #letter to my ex

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meganlpie · 6 years

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Pretty Clueless for a Cop

A Wattpad request. I do not own ANY Avengers characters. They belong to Marvel.

Warnings: Cop AU! douche bf. some angst and some fluff

Pairings: Natasha Romanoff x fem!reader, mentions of other Avengers characters.

Natasha wasn't one to let her feelings cloud her judgment. Ever. It's part of what made her a good cop, but there was something about you that made it difficult for her to keep her cool. It didn't take long for the redhead to realize that it was because she had feelings for you. However, she knew she didn't have a chance with you. Not when you were with someone else. Natasha hated that someone. She really did.

The thing about your significant other was that they didn't appreciate you. They spent the entire time badmouthing you behind your back. It was clear to Natasha that this relationship wasn't good for you. But, being the person she was, she stayed out of it. At least until she couldn't anymore.

The entire precinct decided to hit the bar after a hard case. That wasn't unusual at all. Natasha wasn't usually one for the party scene, but Chief Fury had insisted that night. "We earned it, no one more than you, Romanoff. It's thanks to you we closed the case. Go on and celebrate with the rest of the team." Natasha reluctantly agreed when you approached her too. "Are you coming tonight, Romanoff? I'd love to see you there." Natasha smiled. "I guess." You gave a little cheer before running off to stand with your boyfriend.

"Oh my god, why didn't I see it before?" Natasha glared at Tony. "Got something to say, Stark?" Tony raised his hands in surrender. "Nope. Now get out of here and go get ready." With a sigh, Natasha got up from her desk. She made a quick trip home to get ready. She wore one of her favorite dresses, thinking that maybe she'd be able to at least find some sort of fun. Plus, she liked dressing up since she didn't get to do it often.

The bar was already crowded when Natasha arrived. Her eyes scanned the room, immediately landing on you. You were smiling in your booth, your boyfriend's arm around your shoulder. You greeted Natasha with a bright grin. "Hey, Romanoff. Glad you could make it." Natasha discreetly scanned you and smiled to herself. You looked gorgeous, as always. "Yeah. Guess I needed a break." You reached out and took her hand. "I'm glad. It wouldn't be the same without you."

"I need another drink," your boyfriend said. You smiled. "I'll get it. I'm closer to the bar anyway." You slid out of the booth and headed toward the bar. "Man, you are one lucky guy," Tony told your boyfriend, "Y/L/N is great. She's sexy and smart and one hell of a cop." Your boyfriend shrugged a little. "I've been luckier. Sure Y/N is beautiful, but not the best girlfriend. I haven't finished training her yet."

The table went silent at his comment. Natasha balled her fists. Was he serious? "Really? Training her? She's not a damn dog to bark at your command. She's a human being. And you don't deserve her." Everyone was quiet. Natasha usually stayed out of this kind of thing. She kept her opinions to herself so to hear her jump to your defense was surprising. "Why don't you mind your own business, Romanoff? Y/N is my girlfriend, not yours and it's my job to make sure she acts the way she should."

"The way she should? You're kidding me, right? God, what does she see in you? She definitely deserves better!" An eerie silence descended over the table. Natasha looked up and saw you standing at the edge of the table. You were fuming. How much had you heard? You slammed the beer down on the table, nearly shattering the bottle. You looked ready to hit someone and no one was sure who it would be.

Tony gave Natasha a little nudge. She glanced at him. The cop next to him, Steve kept looking between you two women. Natasha looked at you again. She'd never seen you so angry before. It was time to take action before you all got kicked out of the bar. Natasha got up from her seat and pulled you out of the bar by the arm. You fought against her, but she had hidden strength that kept you away from your boyfriend.

Natasha could feel you relax as you left the bar. And suddenly she felt horrible. She didn't mean to cause issues between you and your boyfriend. Natasha wasn't one to break up any relationship, no matter how much she hated it. She stopped moving and let you go. Turning to you, Natasha sighed. "I'm sorry, Y/N." You looked at her with wide eyes.

"I should have kept my mouth shut. It's your relationship and none of my business." You let out a light laugh. Natasha continued to try and apologize until you stopped her. By pressing your lips to hers in a gentle kiss. Natasha froze, her usual confident air disappearing slightly. You pulled away as she stared at you with wide eyes. "I've been waiting months for something like this to happen."

"You have?" You nodded. "Of course I have. I knew where this was heading. I also knew it would be you who'd put him in his place if he needed it." Natasha blinked in surprise. Why were you the only one who could catch her off guard like that. "Why me?" You smiled and shook your head. "You're pretty clueless there, Nat. Why do you think I spent so much time with you? Other than wanting to be close to you? I knew I could count on you for anything. You are the most loyal friend a girl could ask for and honestly, I think you'd make an amazing girlfriend...when all this is cleared up."

Natasha just stared at you until you reached over and took her hand in yours. "What do you say we go somewhere and grab a drink? Just the two of us." She let her red-painted lips spread into a smile. "That sounds great." You let her lead you over to her car since she hadn't been drinking yet. The two of you spent the rest of the evening enjoying each other's company.

(a/n: I hope you like it!)

Tagging: @brewsthespirit-blog @fairytalesexistxx @aikibriarrose @esoltis280 @gameofwinters @jotink78 @iwillbeinmynest @mala-firebringer

#marvel #avengers #cop au #natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha x reader

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occasionalfics · 6 years

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In The Meantime (Thor X Reader)

drabble masterlist | series masterlist | taglist (let me know if it’s working pls!)

For Anonymous: “Can I request drabble/fic where say the reader got injured on their last mission and was told to refrain from any sexual activity by their doctor for a few weeks but their bf Thor is visiting and reader is super horny and begs him to at least get off next to them so they can watch and wish they could participate?”

A/N: I was kinda worried about this being weird but...I don’t think it is. Also...knee-highs? Really? Okay. Anyway. I tried to go for a gender neutral reader :D

Warnings: WOW THIS IS NSFW/18+, it’s basically all masturbation. Just being honest.

Words: 2,453

Your last mission went horribly wrong right at the tail end of it all. It wasn’t so bad that you wouldn’t ever be allowed back in action, but it was bad enough that you’d be out of commission for a few weeks. A few of your ribs were broken and you had a bad enough concussion that Dr. Cho wouldn’t allow you out of her medical wing for three days after you returned from the mission. You spent most of that time rolling your eyes and attemping to prove that your ribs wouldn’t magically cause any internal bleeding if you just leaned over the wrong way once.

But they would, and Dr. Cho knew your stubborn personality better than you thought. It wasn’t your first time being placed in her care.

She let you out of the infirmary on the fourth morning after the mission, but demanded you stay on bedrest for at least another three days. A full week in bed with nothing to do. You were restless, mostly because your boyfriend had disappeared after Ultron showed up and you hadn’t seen or heard from him since. You’d thrown yourself into work and missions in the interim to distract yourself, but being forced to stay in bed would only bring on panic as you worried more and more.

FRIDAY kept a close watch on you. She was at least open about sending daily reports to Dr. Cho, but her intense stare via infared camera only made you more nervous. It stunned you into submission, and you hated it.

Toward the end of your prescribed bedrest, there was a knock on the door. It was soft and quick, and when you called for the person to open the door, Thor stepped inside.

Only he was completely different. He had one eye, for starters, and a huge hole where the other used to be. He was covered in dark marks and scars, and his cape hung from only one shoulder. You would’ve flung yourself out of bed if it didn’t mean FRIDAY would immediately alert Dr. Cho about it.

“Baby?” you asked, slowly sitting up with a long, drawn-out groan from the self-induced pain in your ribs. “What the hell happened?” You waved him over, and Thor obliged, walking to you and sitting on the edge of the bed by your knees.

“I could ask the same of you,” he retorted. “Except both Tony and Dr. Cho informed me what happened to you, Wreckless One.” He smiled softly at you, reaching gently for your hand.

You pulled it from his automatically, going straight for his hair despite the surge of pain that ran through you. “You got a haircut,” you said. “And your eye… My ribs will fix themselves, but your eye…” You traced your fingers down his face and gently ran your pads along the darkened skin aournd his empty eye socket.

“You don’t want to know what happened to me,” he said. “It’s not a happy story.”

You pushed yourself closer to him, still groaning as your ribs most likely pushed themselves into places they weren’t meant to be. All of that, just so you could kiss him and remind him that you most certainly wanted to hear what he had to say, no matter what. You loved him, and not a missing eye or a crudely planned haircut would change that. “Tell me anyway,” you whispered as you sat back.

He shook his head, but only followed it with helping you relax against your pillows. You pressed your hand against the empty spot on the bed where he would fit, and so he kicked off his boots and laid down beside you. Then he recouted his whole story - of Surtur and Hela and Sakaar - until there was nothing left to say. The silence that followed was awful, and you couldn’t help but reach out and touch his scarred, beautiful face to try to comfort him. He sighed, but the silence pervaded.

After a bit, Thor leaned over you and crashed his lips against yours. You had just kissed him a few minutes ago, but it didn’t feel like it. There was urgency to this kiss, and to the way his fingers pressed against your sides - in response to which you winced, not moaned, and he noticed the difference. He immediately stopped, pushed himself away, and turned over so he was beside you again. You groaned at him in frustration rather than pain.

“You can’t just leave me like that,” you whispered, trying to reach for him. “You can’t start something and then stop just because my ribs are healing.”

“Actually,” FRIDAY cut in, in a manner you’ve never heard of her before. She would normally wait for prompting, but you thought perhaps someone saw something on the infared camera across the room or something. “Dr. Cho has placed a note in your file stating that you should refrain from any sexual activity until further clearance is given.”

“Fuck Dr. Cho,” you mumbled as Thor chuckled and grabbed your hands in his.

“Dr. Cho is unavailable at this time,” FRIDAY said.

Thor laughed again, but you weren’t in a similar mood. You crossed your arms as gently as you could and made up for it with the most sour face you could conjure. “You can’t get me started like that and then not finish the damn job!” you said, regardless of having said something similiar before FRIDAY had so rudely cut in. “FRIDAY, can you shut the hell up and leave us alone for an hour? Please?” you called, never looking away from Thor.

“One hour timer set, Agent. I’ll check back then.”

“Thank Gods,” you sighed, and then Thor turned over so he rested on his elbows, though still not over you.

“Yes?” he asked, an entirely different person now that you were kind of turned on and slightly embarrassed. He smirked, knowing he’d riled you up.

“You’re really just gonna not touch me because some stupid robot said not to?” you asked him, lightly straching one of his huge muscles on his bicep so you didn’t have to move too much. You thought you might be able to save some stamina if you made little movements, litte touches to entice him, but Thor knew that wasn’t how human bodies worked.

He shrugged. “If Dr. Cho says you should refrain from sexual activity, who am I to question her?”

“A literal fucking God,” you said as you lowered your brows. “A literal God who’s been gone for two fucking years, leaving me with all this stupid pent up energy that my stupid broken ribs are keeping me from expending all over you.” You knew he loved dirty talk, so you tried your best, although it almost made you feel pathetic. He was way better at it, and his sarcastic smirk told you that he knew it, too. You whined and said, “C’mon, Thor! Please! Something - give me something!”

He wiggled his eyebrows at you, then pecked your cheek without touching much else beyond your shoulder. “You’re adorable,” he said, once again grabbing your hand. “And I apologize for being gone so long. I was keeping the leaders of the other realms from advancing on Asgard-”

“Yeah, okay, cool, but I’m still ready to go here and I don’t know when you’re leaving again,” you told him. You’d have time for more stories later, maybe. Or when he came back again. You cursed yourself for having made whatever mistake on the last mission that had left you with broken ribs and the threat of internal bleeding. All you wanted to do was jump his bones before he left again, preferably without dying in the process.

“I don’t, either,” he said quietly. When you saw the seriousness in his eye, you knew he was tellign the truth. He didn’t have many other places to go, you remembered. Maybe he was here for good, but that still didn’t help the ease the heat that flushd your body. “We have time, and I can be patient.”

“I can’t,” you mumbled, tracing small circles on the back of his hand. You bit your lip and pulled him to you so you could kiss him again, because if that was the most you were going to recieve until Dr. Cho said otherwise, then you had to take it. But Thor had a certain effect on you; even if he wasn’t trying to turn you on, he was doing it anyway. You were putting yourself in a corner you couldn’t really afford to be in, but you didn’t want to stop yourself.

There was another sharp pain in your side, and you gasped against him before he pulled back.

“I won’t hurt you,” he said softly, a hint of a warning on his tongue. “We’re waiting.”

You moved your hand down to try stroking him over his trousers, but he caught you in the middle of the act and shook his head. “We’re waiting,” he repeated, louder this time. More commanding.

You huffed and laid back against your pillows as you shook your head. You almost crossed your arms and put your sour face on again, but then an idea struck you. If you couldn’t get release, maybe you could convince him to give it to himself. That might help, maybe. It could make things more tense bewteen your legs, but you wanted to give it a chance anyway.

“Fine,” you said, “we’re waiting. But…”

He rolled his eye before you went on. “I hesitate to ask what it is you’re about to ask of me,” he told you.

“What if…” You bit your lip, then reached out and ran your fingers through his short hair. He was sticky, like he’d been sweating before he came to find you and hadn’t even managed to shower. It wouldn’t matter with what you were about to ask him anyway. “What if you...worked yourself...for me?”

He stared at you for too long. You knew you’d have to help him clean his eye and find a patch or something for it, but you doubted losing an apendage could kill him now if it hadn’t already. He could stand to get a good handjob, even if it was from his own hand.

“You won’t let me touch you until Dr. Cho says so,” you said, vitriol lining her name even though she was only looking out for your health, “so why don’t you do the job for me? And when I’m better, I’ll repay you for it.” You wiggled your brows at him, still running your fingers through his hair, hoping that would play some part in convincing him that you needed him to do this.

Either it did, or it had no part in his decision at all. Either way, he sighed, turned himself over so he was on his back, and looked at you again. “You’re sure this is what you want?” he asked.

“No, it’s not,” you said simply. “But it’s close enough.”

You both took a second, then shrugged at the same time. Thor went slowly as he pulled his armor off, handing it to you one piece at a time so you could place it in a nice pile beside the bed. You missed seeing his glorious naked body, and while he wouldn’t let you explore it the way you wanted to, having him so close in such a state was enough to satisfy your craving for him. For now, anyway.

You motioned for him to lean against you, and he compromised by placing his head on your shoulder. You wrapped your arm around him and drew little patterns against his chest, which was just as sticky as his hair and beautifully displayed for your viewing pleasure. You focused on his hands, though, and placed a kiss on his head as he trailed his fingers all over his body. You bit your lip to keep from gasping when he gripped his cock in one hand but dug your nails into his skin when he gently started pumping.

You could hear how desperate for moisture his skin was, and you weren’t sure how he’d react to you forcing his fingers into your mouth, so you went with a safer option. You could just reach a bottle of lotion you kept on your bedside table with the tips of your fingers, so you brought that over to him and pushed a dollop into his free palm.

“Thank you,” he said, always royally polite.

You chuckled and rolled your eyes, even if he couldn’t see it. After putting the lotion away, you focused on him again and enjoyed the show. He worked himself the way you wanted to, and in minutes he was already leaking precum. You continued to gently run your fingers over his chest, trying not to block his vision to what was going on below. You moaned when he did, kissed his head when you especially liked a move or a sound he made. He pumped faster, arched his back, and dug his head into your shoulder, and you gasped behind him, hoping he would turn his head so you could really kiss him. But he didn’t; he just shut his eye and grunted, picking up speed as you watched his toes curl. You knew he was close, so you pushed your nails into his chest and bit your lip.

“Fuck, baby,” you whimpered close to his ear. “This is so hot.”

That was all he needed to push himself over the edge. His his bucked repeatedly as white streams of his cum pumped out of him in bursts, covering the sheets and parts of his thighs. You wished all of that was inside you, but you didn’t say as much. You let him have this, knowing what he’d already been through.

You let him catch his breath before pulling his face towards yours. He obliged, and even let you lean over to kiss him. When you pulled back, you kept your forhead against his, even though your position put strain on your sides. Not much, but enough for you to feel uncomfortable. Still, you told him, “Thank you, baby.”

“I’m the one who came. I should be thanking you,” he whispered.

You smiled and softly touched his cheek, unwilling to argue anymore. He’d done what you’d asked of him. It wasnt enough, but it had to be, for the time being. “The second Dr. Cho gives us the all clear, I’m letting you do whatever it is you want to me. So get creative,” you told him.

His smile was all the assurance you needed to know that was exactly what he needed to hear.

Tags! (link above to add yourself if the doc ever wants to work again!)

Global/Permanent: @infinityblogger @champion-ofthe-sun @hopefulblazetriumph @httpmcrvel @capsheadquaters @samanthasmileys @sunigyrl

Thor: @thewayilookatbacon @athorable-and-deanlicous @baileythepenguin @mysweetcookie99 @girlwhoisfearless @tegan-eva @loveavengersandspn @loverofthor

Drabbles: @athorable-and-deanlicous

#thor x reader #thor odinson x reader #thor smut #thor drabble #drabbles

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