#'are you sure about becoming a psychiatrist?' and i went 'uhm...yeah why?' | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

emrysaf · 4 years

Text

Never Enough pt. 11

This goes on into some depressing shizz, and I’ve done a fair amount of research (when I was thinking of committing myself a few years ago) BUT if you have a better understanding or have went through something similar just let me know. I’d rather be corrected than spread false information.

On a separate note, there WILL be a Bucky chapter next. Covering his view of the last couple chapters. So, don’t worry.

As always, especially today September 10, 2020 on World Suicide Prevention Day, be safe. Ask for help if you think you need it, someone else needs it or even if you just aren’t sure but feel ‘off’. The world is certainly a darker place without you. Much love, Emrys.

----------------------------------------------------------------

@peggycarter-steverogers @dottirose

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Search for the answers I knew all along

I lost myself, we all fall down

Never the wiser of what I've become

Alone I stand a broken man

All I have is one last chance

I wont turn my back on you

Take my hand, drag me down

If you fall then I will too

And I can't save what's left of you

Say something new

I have nothing left

I can't face the dark without you

There's nothing left to lose

The fighting never ends

I can't face the dark without you

Follow me under and pull me apart

I understand there's nothing left

Pain so familiar and close to the heart

No more, no less I won't forget

♫🎝♫🎝♫🎝♫🎝♫🎝♫🎝♫🎝♫🎝♫

Seeing he wouldn’t win with this woman, Steve gave a deep sigh and told Y/N he would be back later with some food if she was up to it.

Y/N watched the super soldier walk down the hall, and didn’t look away until he turned the corner that led out to the main complex. Then she looked past Dr. Flechling to the dark-skinned nurse checking all her vitals.

“Hey there Su, long time no see.” Y/N smiled lightly at the woman who had always been the one she saw before her appointments with Dr. Brantsted. But that felt like eons ago.

“Yes. You had us all worried.” Susan said with pursed lips. “Now this is Dr. Flechling. She’ll be the one talking with you about. . . Things. See you in a bit girl.”

“Later, Su.” agreed Y/N as the door latch clicked and she finally met eyes with the doctor. “Brantsted usually covers everything in medical. He retire while I’ve been. . . Away. Or something?”

“No. He’s still running things.” the doc said as she waved her hand over her shoulder in a dismissive motion. “But all your injuries are nearly healed up. No need for him to be here right now. I’m here to talk about the ‘how’ and the ‘why’.”

“Ah.” Y/N nodded in understanding, but her whole posture changed; seeming to cave in on herself as she lowered her gaze. “You’re a cuckoo doc.”

“Psychiatrist; yes. I’m here to discuss some stuff, and we will see where we go from there.” It was a statement, but the tone read more like a question. When she got no reply, the doctor continued with a tight smile, “Before we delve any into what happened on the roof, I think we should discuss your injuries and everything.”

There was no question this time, but Y/N slowly nodded anyway.

“Steven brought you in covered in dozens of tiny, indented singe marks. The Captain told the emergency staff that your own electricity seemed to affect you?” Again. No sign of a reply. “You cracked your head open when you fell into the puddle, and landing in the standing water gave you some unique markings on your back, over one shoulder and a slight continuance up and around your ear to your cheek.”

This garnered a reaction when Y/N lifted both hands to cup her cheeks. The left side had some strange smoothing in a branching pattern coming from behind her ear but spreading up her hairline and cheekbone. “Hmm.”

Doctor Flechling was quick to move on, “We think the head wound attracted the most attention from your advanced healing since that is almost healed, but the markings show no sign of fading. Regardless, it is all pretty remarkable considering. . .”

Taking note of the doctor’s sudden stop, Y/N looked up, “Considering?”

“Well, hun,” she started. “It seems the fall, or something. Maybe the trauma? Has possibly reverted you back to how you were before the enhancement kicked in. All but your healing. The med crew has kept checking since you were brought in, but the multimeter shows nothing. No electricity.”

“Oh,” Y/N breathed out as her eyes seemed to water instantaneously. “My powers. They- They, uhm, have been on the fritz for awhile.”

“Fritz?”

“Just too much or too little. I couldn’t rein them in.” babbled Y/N as her thoughts went a million miles a minute. Then, she had a sudden, concerning thought. “Oh! I- Uhm. I don’t want anyone to be able to come see me. The team.”

“You don’t want to see your team? Your friends?” probed the doctor sensing there was more to this sudden rush of words from the previously silent woman.

“Yeah. Just- I’m embarrassed and,” Y/N took in a deep breath a the look the doctor gave her. Pointed, like she knew Y/N’s real reason, but wanted her to say it. “Wanda. Without my powers, she can read me. She-”

“There’s something you don’t want her to know?” interrupted the doctor who pressed on at Y/N’s tightly knit expression. “Something you don’t want any of them to know.”

Then Y/N’s face dropped, and there was only silence.

-----------------------------------------

Y/N refused to talk anymore. Not to Susan, not to Dr. Flechling or Brantsted. Steve kept trying for a couple days before saying he’d bring Wanda down, or Bucky. This only intensified her silence, and her written demand to be taken somewhere else:

This is a med bay in a compound for superheroes. I’m not super. Or a hero. I’m an average human; take me to a human hospital if I’m going to be committed.

So, Dr. Flechlling called some old colleagues and found a spot for Y/N at an inpatient facility across the state.

-------------------------------------------

“They will help you here. But only as much as you help yourself. Get well, for you.” the doctor said as she checked Y/N into the front desk, and was met with neverending silence. Leah sighed as the nurse took Y/N through a pair of electronically locked double doors.

From here on out, Y/N was alone again.

63 notes · View notes

flowerpot101 · 7 years

Text

Civil War

Avengers x Reader, Tony Stark x Platonic Reader

Summary: Reader is a nomad, hasn’t worked for S.H.I.E.L.D in over a decade, but she gets pulled into the Civil War.

Word Count: 3808

Warning: Cussing, mentions of death, small description of a wound.

A/N: This story has an OC character to make this whole thing work.

She was in her kitchen cooking dinner when she heard a knock on her door but she ignored it. The knocking continued for another five minutes and Y/N finally gave up, she turned the stove down to low and walked towards the door. Unlocking it, she pulled the door open, it was pouring down quite heavily. There was no one right in front of the door but there was a certain red head that was at the bottom of the stairs.

Letting out a sigh, with both arms on each side of the door, “What do you want Romanoff?”

“We need to talk.” As she started walking towards Y/N, her eyes rolled and nodded.

Stepping away from the door but not closing it, she went back to the kitchen. From there she could hear the small click of the door closing and Natasha’s footsteps coming towards the room. Y/N turned the stove up and continued to cook. Natasha let out a deep sigh as she went to grab a cutting board and knife, setting the peppers on it once she had cleaned them; she started to cut them in slim slices.

“I’m not helping you with this little civil war that is going on.” Y/N said monotonously, not really caring for whatever is bound to happen.

“Not even when the Captain has a certain friend of yours on his side now?” Y/N stopped when she heard the words fall from her mouth.

Coming up to her side, completely forgetting the food that was cooking on the stove, “What do you mean?”

Natasha set the knife down, turning to face Y/N, letting out a breath, “Someone, most likely Clint, was able to convince her to come back to fight with them, they out number us now and with Lilac, we have no chance and you know that.”

Y/N turned to put her hands on the counter, hunching over as she let out, “Damn it.” She slapped the counter and walked away exasperated. She was pacing the kitchen now, “Why? Why would they bring her back into this mess?” Looking up towards Nat as she continued to pace the room; her face full of worry and confusion.

“I don’t know, but we need you, I know what happened to you years ago put a drift between the two of you but this is not going to end well for anyone.” Her hands coming up to the counter to lean over, “Tony needs you now more than ever.”

Y/N let out a deep sigh, “I’m sorry… But I can’t, I’m not going to join in on their little civil war.”

Natasha nodded her head understanding as she left to go out the door. Y/N could once again hear the soft click of the door as Natasha left. Y/N stood there in the middle of the room, contemplating everything; she let out a deep sigh as she shook her head.

Time Skip to Airport.

Sam, Scott, Clint, Wanda, Lilac, Bucky, and Steve were all standing in the parking structure of the airport when the alarm began to blare. Bucky was the only one who could understand what the person over the speaker was saying, “They’re evacuating the airport.”

Sam let out a slight hush towards Steve, “Stark.”

“Stark?” Scott said questioningly.

Steve looked at everyone as he told them, “Suit up.”

In his Captain America suit, Steve ran towards the helicopter but stopped short when a device hit the top of it causing the whole thing to become disabled. Iron-Man and War Machine were flying down to land in front of the helicopter.

Tony began to say, “Wow it’s so weird how you run into people at the airport.” His mask uncovered his face as he looked at Rhodey, “Don’t you think that’s weird?”

Rhodey replied with, “Definitely weird.”

Steve looked towards the two, “Hear me out, Tony. That doctor, the psychiatrist, he’s behind all of this.”

That’s when Black Panther leaped over and landed close to Steve, in his gruff voice, “Captain.”

Steve gave him a slight nod, “Your highness.”

“Anyway…” Tony starts to say as he began to walk around Rhodey, “Ross gave me thirty-six hours to bring you in. That was twenty-four hours ago. Can you help a brother out?”

“You’re after the wrong guy,” Steve declared.

“Your judgment is askew, your old war buddy killed innocent people yesterday.”

Steve interrupted,” And there are five more super soldiers just like him. I can’t let the doctor find them first, Tony. I can’t.” As Steve gave a slight shook of his head.

Steve turned to look back at Natasha, “Steve… You know what’s about to happen. Do you really wanna punch your way out of this one?”

He looked back to Tony, “All right, I’ve run out of patience.” Tony’s hands came up slightly to cup around his mouth as he yelled out, “Underoos!”

That’s when Spider-Man shot one of his webs at Cap’s shield and pulling it away from him as he shot another web to cover his hands. Peter landed in a crouched form on top one of the many surrounding machines. In the background you could hear Tony say, “Nice job, kid.”

In his raspy teenaged voice, “Thanks. I could have stuck the landing a little better, it’s just… New suit.” But quickly stopped himself before he could offend Tony, “It’s nothing, Mr. Stark. It’s perfect. Thank you.”

Tony’s arm came up in a motion, “Yeah, we don’t really need to start a conversation.”

“Okay. Cap. Captain.” Peter slightly stuttered out as he gave the Captain a small salute. Then pointed slightly to himself, “Big fan, I’m Spider-Man.”

“Yeah, we’ll talk about it later.” Tony let out.

Peter let out a deep exhale of air, “Hey, everyone.”

“Good job.” Tony said slightly done with Peter.

Steve gives a slight nod to Tony as he says, “You’re been busy.”

“And you’ve been a complete idiot. Dragging in Clint… “Rescuing” Wanda from a place she doesn’t even want to leave, a safe place. I’m trying to keep…” Tony let out a deep sigh, “I’m trying to keep you from tearing the Avengers apart.”

“You did that when you signed,” Steve declared.

“All right, we’re done.” Tony’s voice grew louder, “You’re gonna turn Barnes over, you’re gonna come with us, now, because it’s us… or a squad of J-SOC guys with no compunction about being impolite.” Tony swallows before he whispers out, “Come on.”

Steve’s head was turned away when Falcon’s voice came through the comm., “We found it.” Telling Steve that their quinjet was in hanger five, then his arms came up so Clint could shoot an arrow to cut apart the web. Scott was in his smaller former, running across Peter’s arm as he became big to grab the Captain’s shield and taking it over to him. The fighting was on.

Everyone was scattered about the airport. Inside Spider-Man was fighting against Bucky and Falcon. Steve was fighting with T’Challa, making sure he doesn’t get close to Bucky. Then Scott was telling Cap to throw one of the mini gadgets at the presumed water tank which in reality was a truck filled with gasoline. Everyone on the Captain’s side began to run to hanger five where the quinjet resided but were stop short when Vision shot a yellow laser across them.

Both sides stood across from one another, Peter was the first to realize that they were outnumbered, “Uhm, you guys, they have more people than us.”

Then all of them realized as Tony stood there shocked when he saw Lilac standing on Steve’s side; they were really outnumbered. He let out a deep sigh but then something amazing happened.

From all across the airport, Tony’s team could see someone running in the distance on top of the airport. When they got to the edge, they pushed off, flying towards them as she came barreling towards them. Her long wavy white hair flowed behind her as she came down closer to the ground. The unknown woman was above Clint before he could react, she picked out one of the arrows from the holster on his back. Then she was rolling onto the ground then in a fluid motion she came to a stand, softly turning on her heel to face towards Cap’s side. She was examining the arrow, everyone stood there in shock. Very few knew who she was but that didn’t matter right now.

Her head looked up to look at Clint who held a smirk of his own, she began to walk towards him as she held the arrow between her two index fingers, “I thought I gave you a special bow so that you wouldn’t have to use these.” She said teasingly as she pointed the arrow at him.

“Well I like my own, think it’s more efficient compared to yours,” he said cockily.

She let out a small laugh,” Yeah, but at least you wouldn’t run out of arrows.”

“Y/N, stop your chatting and get over here,” Tony yelled out fiercely.

Y/N looked back at Tony with a deadly glare, “Listen, I don’t have to be here.” As her arms came out to motion around her, “But I am, so if I want to chat with Clint then I will.” She said menacingly before turning to Clint while smiling, “Besides, the last I saw him, he had just married Laura and now I hear, he’s got three kids.”

“Y/N!” Tony yelled out but she just waved her arm away at him.

She got closer to Clint, whispering gently into his ear in an unknown language. Y/N pulled away as she watched Clint look down and she nodded in understanding. Clint looked at her, he gently hushes out to her so she’s the only one to hear, “You should join your side before Tony thinks you gave up on him.”

She nodded; reaching back she put the arrow back into its holder. As she began to walk backwards from the team, she could feel everyone’s eyes on her but one felt like fire to her. Her head turned to stare at Lilac as she gave a fiery glare her way, Y/N could only give the younger woman a small nod in understanding. Finally reaching Tony’s side, their eyes met and both of them gave each other a small look before setting their eyes on the Captain and his members. Then they were all running.

Y/N was fighting against Lilac, both of them not giving up. Neither of them had seen each other in years, not since they both left S.H.I.E.L.D. Lilac left when she couldn’t trust anyone anymore after the truth came out about her partner and that even the important people of the agency knew. Y/N left when she was backstabbed by agents who didn’t trust her. No one trusted her anymore, not when the truth about her past with Hydra was revealed. She told them what was the truth but no one listened, Y/N knew that Fury knew the truth; but that just wasn’t enough.

The fight between everyone was getting more intense as time went by. Explosions were going off and people were being thrown about. Soon Y/N separated herself from Lilac to go help Natasha while Lilac went to go fight whoever she could. That’s when she heard a loud holy shit fall from Spider-Man and a loud shocked laugh. She turned around to come to face a giant of an Ant-Man. Then everyone was being thrown about. A bus hurdled its way towards Black Panther but Vision was able to stop it, in the distance she could see Bucky and Rogers run towards the hanger but she knew someone else would deal with it.

Over the comms she could hear Tony, “Okay, anybody on our side hiding any shocking and fantastic abilities they’d like to disclose… I’m open to suggestions.”

Y/N let out a small, “Hold on.”

Her body became stiff as she faced towards the giant man, her eyes began to glow a deep blue. Legs were slightly bent but locked in position, arms coming up to move elegantly around her, as a shining blue color came from her hands. Y/N brought her hands in front of her, palms facing one another, fingers bent; a dark vibrant blue began to appear, she then began to say a spell into them. Then her arms came out as the spiraling blue shot out, forming into a giant monster of a man, a replica of the Ant-Man.

“Knew I could count on you, L/N,” as Tony’s voice came over the comms once again.

Her eyes were still glowing, but could feel something hurdling her way before it could hit her she bent forward. Looking to her left she could see a burning hole through one of the trucks, she then turned her head to look over her right, Lilac stood glaring. Both woman were glaring but soon dispersed, knowing now was not the time to start their own civil war.

Bucky and Steve had made it towards the quinjet for they now were flying away. Falcon, Iron-Man, War Machine and even Y/N were all flying after it, in her ear she could hear Rhodey ask Vision for help but it quickly back fired. Y/N saw as Falcon dodged the fiery yellow, she saw it getting closer to Rhodey but before it could, she flew in front of it, hitting her right in the middle of her chest. The power of it causing her to fly backwards a few yards as she began to slowly fall down, crashing into the grassy field, everyone stopped as they flew down to her. Tony quickly asked F.R.I.D.A.Y to see if your body was healing like it always did and let out a sigh of relief when she told him that you were. In the distance they could hear the sirens and they watched as the quinjet left.

Bucky, Steve and Lilac were on their way to the Hydra base that held the other five super soldiers. While everyone from Steve’s team that was left behind was being cuffed and taken to a much secured prison for criminals. Tony carried your body and everyone else followed, to go back to the compound. However, this was not the ending; Tony would soon find out the truth and will go after the two super soldiers.

Time Skip to Tony Arriving at the Base.

Y/N was behind Tony as he began to shove the metal doors apart, behind it stood Bucky with his sniper pointed at them and Steve behind his shield. Lilac stood behind the two with her hands blazing with electricity. Tony began to explain to them that he knew the truth now.

Then all five of them began to look for the room that held the other super soldiers. They finally found it, when walking in the lights flickered on. Over the speaker a muffled voice came out, “If it’s any comfort, they died in their sleep.”

Y/N ignored the man’s word as they walked in further. She was only here for Tony when he found out the truth. After a while of talking, the man had a screen open up to a video; the video of Tony’s parent’s death. Bucky and Lilac stood away, while Y/N stood a couple of feet behind Tony. When the video was over, Tony went to attack Bucky but was stopped by Steve. Instead of looking back at Steve his body turned to you.

“Did you know?” His soft broken voice came out, his face falling as he looked at you.

You swallowed before looking up, “Yes, in a way.” Tony’s nose flared so you continued, “Hydra had planned for Howard’s death for years… at one point they even considered me doing the job but then I had the accident.” You took a deep breath as Tony looked down to your leg, “When Howard took me in, I told him the truth, I told him that they were going to kill him and I even said to not have your mother in the car if he ever left with serum inside the car…” She let out a sad sigh, “But obviously he didn’t listen.”

Tony then turned to Steve to ask the same question, ignoring Lilac’s scoff. Then everyone was fighting again. The three men fought one another as the two girls did their own fighting. They quickly all got out as part of the building began to fall apart. Punches were being thrown, as they heard loud grunts coming from large cylinder room. Lilac occasionally got shots of electricity towards Y/N hitting her wherever. But soon Y/N got a hold of her and into a choke hold, putting pressure as she saw in her side vision of the three men falling to the underground area. Lilac was out like a baby.

Quickly Y/N got down to where they were, she stood on the higher level as they fought, not wanting to interrupt their fighting. Then she watched as Bucky’s arm came up to grab the arc reactor of Tony’s suit, digging his fingers inside to rip it out. But then a loud blast came from it, causing Bucky’s arm to be scorched off. Y/N watched at Steve and Tony began to fight, finding a good point to join them. She finally came up from her position about to join them but that never came.

A hot blast hit her back as she was blown into the wall. Her back slammed into hard concrete, as her head collided harshly. Her body fell to the ground in a slump. She squirmed as she felt pain go up through her body. There was now a large opened wound in the back of her head. Her eyes blinked and blinked, losing their sight. Her mouth was agape as she gasped for air; all she could do was gasp over and over. Her head looked over to Bucky as he too laid there on the cold hard ground. Their eyes met, e/c meeting blue, Bucky could see her distress, he could see her life slipping away, and he couldn’t do anything about it.

He remembered you from Hydra’s files that were of the agents who had escaped. Your eyes disconnected as you looked back up to the ceiling. Remembering everything you’ve done in the past. Bucky watched and you listened to the fighting. But then you took your last breath and Bucky turned away.

The fight was coming to an end; Bucky’s flesh arm came out grabbing Tony’s ankle as Steve came up and grabbed him. Soon Stark was on the ground with Steve on top of him as he pounded and pounded his shield into the arc reactor to shut off the power of the suit. Steve fell to the side of Tony as he panted heavily. Then Tony looked over for you, to make sure you were fine. That’s when he saw you lying on the floor motionless.

His face fell even deeper, his heat beating like crazy, “Y/N? Y/N are you awake?” He took a deep breath when you didn’t answer, his heart clenched, “Y/N?!” He began to scream over and over. He let out a final silent, “Y/N?”

“I’m here.” She let out gently.

Tony took a deep breath in as his nerves came down from his fear of losing you, “Don’t do that to me woman.”

She let out a small laugh, “Sorry.”

Steve watched the whole interaction between the two of you as he came up to Bucky’s side to pull him up and take him away.

Y/N didn’t hear what Tony yelled out to Steve but she soon heard a clatter of metal hitting concrete. She got off the ground slowly as she could, standing she began to walk over to Tony, but couldn’t for her right foot was twisted at an odd angle. Lifting her right leg up, it came down to the floor and she twisted it putting back into place while making a loud crunching noise.

“Oh, please don’t do that again,” Tony cringed out.

She glared at him, “Don’t tell me what to do.” She let out a deep sigh, shaking her head, “me and you are gonna have a long chat about this whole ordeal.”

Tony just swallowed as you helped him up and get out of the building. Lilac was long gone; either went back into hiding or followed Steve and Bucky; who knows. They had greater matters to fix, like the fact they will have to explain to the whole world with what happened. Y/N let out a sigh as she realized, that she may be a nomad but that might soon change with the events that happened here today.

Months Later.

Y/N sat in nothing but a sports bra and spandex shorts; she sat on a cold metal table as she swung her left leg back and forth. She would have done it with the right but that wasn’t happening since it wasn’t there right now. She was in Wakanda, getting a new vibranium leg for her old one was no longer in good use. Her head was lulling back as she waited. Y/N heard the door whoosh open and looked up; there stood Steve Rogers, staring at her in deep shock.

He scanned her body and his eyes stopped on the missing leg. Before he could ask her, she answered the question he was thinking, “I was thirteen when I lost it. It was a mission gone wrong during my Hydra years.”

His ears perked up when she said Hydra. She let out a small giggle, “And yes, I was part of Hydra once but I’m nomad now, at least I think I am.” She let out a small sigh.

Steve looked at her confusingly, “If your nomad… Then why help Tony?”

Y/N swallowed while nodding her head, “Because he’s family, his father took me in when I needed a place. You don’t turn your back on family or the people you love. Which I gotta say I admire about you, I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone else like you and I’m real happy about that.” As she smiled towards him.

For the next hour, the two talked and talked, slowly realizing they had more in common then anyone else they had ever met. Steve watched as they put her metal leg back on, the scorch line along the where hydra first gave you the leg reminded him of Bucky. Everything about you made Steve remind him about his friend. He knew, right there and then, that you three were going to be closer than anyone could ever imagine.

This may be the ending for them but it was the start of a new beginning to a great future, one that would hold great pain but great fondness.

@dekahg

251 notes · View notes