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britishassistant · 3 years

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Those Three Monsters

There’s a Demon in the Academy.

It’s a miracle it’s even allowed to attend, is what Urami’s kaa-chan says to Akui’s in a low voice, shaking her head in that knowledgable way she does. Even if it’s in the year below Mi-chan and A-kun, everyone knows it’ll only be a matter of time before it snaps and someone gets hurt. Foxes will kill all the chickens in a henhouse for fun rather than for food after all.

What are the Academy teachers thinking? Akui’s kaa-chan always asks in response. It’s not like training that thing will make it any more loyal to the village. It’s a waste of their taxes to even let it take up a desk it’s too stupid and reckless to appreciate.

Urami sneaks a glance at it in the Academy playground in the morning, before classes.

It’s already got it’s first victim singled out, hanging off the arm of that dead-fish-eyed girl with the awful fashion sense. It’s probably mistaken the foreigner for an actual fish, she tells Akui-kun on their way to class.

He laughs in response. “Do you think Iron scrap tastes like fish?”

She shrugs. “I wouldn’t be surprised if that blond eyesore thinks so. The Demon’s so dumb, the only reason they let it in here is because the stupid teachers are too scared to tell it to go away. My mama says that if they have any sense, they won’t teach it anything.”

Akui-kun ponders this. “Well it’s so dumb, it probably doesn’t understand anything we’re learning anyway. It’s just a crappy fox after all! It could never be a good ninja!”

She beams at her friend’s cleverness and is about to reply, when they’re rudely shouldered apart.

“Hey!” She yells after the jerk who did it.

That idiot Rock Lee turns and smiles at them. His eyes are weird though, sending a shiver she’ll never admit to feeling down her spine. “Ah, excuse me fellow classmates! I was so busy thinking about how youthful my friends are, I did not notice you! Please accept my humble apologies for inconveniencing you!”

Akui-kun snorts. “Whatever, weirdo.”

They try to walk past him, but the stupid eyebrows blocks them from entering the classroom. “You know, Naruto-kun is sure to be an excellent ninja once we all graduate the Academy! His youthfulness and Will of Fire shine so brightly it is impossible not to notice! I hope to be on a team with him and the most beautiful Haruno Sakura under Gai-sensei once we graduate!!”

She can’t stop her lip from curling. “Seriously? That Demon is just a team casualty waiting to happen! Why would anyone with a brain want to be with a stupid monster like him?!”

Rock Lee stops smiling and looks her dead in the eye. “Naruto at least does not gossip about his comrades behind their backs like a coward. He’s already proven he’s a better ninja than you could ever hope to be.”

She feels her face going hot and Akui-kun splutters beside her as the know-nothing talentless eyebrows turns on his heel, ignoring them as he goes to sit next to TenTen-san!

They try to make him pay in taijutsu spars later that day, they do! It’s not their fault that the stupid talentless eyebrows cheats and is blatantly favored by Iruka-sensei because he’s so useless at everything else!!

Urami fusses over the red bruise on her cheek that afternoon after the Academy lets out. What if it swells and goes all purple and ugly and Neji-kun will think she’s hideous and never look at her ever again?!

Akui-kun grumbles and glares at where the useless talentless worthless eyebrows is messing around with the demon by the swings. “What would he even know about being a ninja?! He can’t even use chakra! He’s the biggest failure of a ninja there is!”

She shuts her compact with a click. “I think it’s amazing he hasn’t dropped out already. I mean, him having a desk at the Academy is somehow an even bigger waste of time than that demon right? Letting him believe he can be a ninja when he’s so worthless—the teachers really are cruel.”

Akui-kun’s mouth curls up into that smile he gets whenever he’s thought of something really clever. “It’s probably because he’s an orphan, you know? It’s seriously charity, because everyone feels sorry for such a pathetic pair of eyebrows. That’s probably why he’s hanging out with the demon too. Who else would want him?”

She giggles high and fast, feeling daring. “I bet his parents are alive but were so disgusted with what an ugly baby he was, they dumped him at the Orphanage rather than be burdened with him. I mean, if I had a baby that looked like him, I’d get rid of it as fast as I could!”

Akui-kun grins back, his eyebrows creased.

”Oi, you two.”

They turn to see the Iron girl standing behind them, hips cocked at a weird angle. Her dead-fish-eyes are super creepy, staring down at them without blinking.

She flushes. “D-don’t you know better than to eavesdrop on your senpai?!”

She tilts her head, lips curling up into a mocking smirk. “Yeah, I really couldn’t give less of shit. Just thought I’d give you some...friendly advice.”

Akui-kun straightens, looking down his nose at the dumb foreigner. “Wh-what could someone like you even tell us that we don’t already know?”

The Iron scrap shrugs almost carelessly. “Lee’s going to be the best ninja this village has ever seen. He’s kind and honest and strong, even without using ch-chakra to cheat. It’s why Gai-sensei brought him to our training, why everyone who’s anyone is friends with him, why my parents keep trying to adopt him even though the Orphanage is too dumb to let us. Telling lies about an amazing person like him...you’re just asking to get cursed.”

She wants to laugh, ask the stupid immigrant what the hell rotted her brain, but she—she can’t. Akui-kun’s gone pale and his mouth is quivering. The air feels—feels heavy, all of a sudden. Almost like it won’t let her breathe.

The slant-eyed scrap pats them each on the shoulder, smirk wide and evil. “I’d pray for forgiveness if I were you, and watch your mouths in the future. You never know who’s listening after all.”

Then that—that stupid, eavesdropping, treacherous intruder walks past them to where the demon and eyebrows are waiting and waving to her.

She can’t move a muscle until the three monsters leave the Academy grounds. Then Akui-kun bursts into tears.

Urami’s had a string of bad luck since last night. It almost feels like everything that could go wrong did, starting from when she complained about the eavesdropping foreigner to kaa-chan, only for her mother to go pale and scold her furiously for insulting Lee when he’s a student of the jounin Maito Gai.

When she sees Akui-kun after her kaa-chan drags her round to discuss what happened with Akui’s kaa-chan, he’s looking just as pale and tired as she feels.

”That stupid foreigner probably cursed us with creepy Iron magic.” He complains as they sit on his back porch.

She shudders. “You think so? How awful! She’s not human!”

“Well, Iron samurai are so backwards they basically live in caves in the mountains.” Akui-kun says. “Tou-san says they’re more like monkeys that learned how to swing around swords than actual people.”

”I hate her.” She complains, spinning a kunai around her finger. “What’s that dead-fish-eyes even doing in this village anyway?! She and her scrap metal family should just go back to the mountains where they belong!”

Akui-kun straightens, looking at the bush at the bottom of the garden. “Pass that here.” He says.

She hands it over with a frown, and watches as he throws it at something. There’s a sound like a cry and she claps. “Well done Akui-kun! What’d you hit?”

He grins his special smile at her and pulls her down to the bottom of the garden. A fat grey pigeon lays dead in the dirt under the bush. She pulls out her kunai and wipes it on the vermin’s feathers.

“Tou-san used to go put these on the scrap’s doorstep with Gizen-jii when the slant’s father was trying to betray the village.” He tells her excitedly. “If we go put this there, it’ll make her stupid curse rebound back onto her for sure!”

She knew there was a reason why she was friends with him all these years! “For real?! You’re so smart Akui-kun!”

They both get up early and sneak out the next morning, the dead bird in a plastic shopping bag with “GO DIE STUPID IRON SCRAP” written on the outside with marker. She was quite proud of thinking to write that one there.

They get to the house where the foreigners live. They’re giggling to each other as they go up to the front door.

“Hey! What’re you guys doing?!”

Urami freezes. Akui looks terrified.

They turn to see the Demon behind them.

It glances between them, then down at the bag. It’s face curls into a snarl at the sight of the marker, teeth white and pointed, blue eyes cruel, whiskers curving over its cheeks.

”LEAVE MAYU-CHAN ALONE!!” It screams, lunging for them.

They drop the bag and run for it, but it’s no use, the Demon’s too fast, it’s gaining on them.

It is a Fox that will kill them for fun at any moment, Urami’s sure of it.

Suddenly her shirt is seized and she can’t run anymore. She thrashes around, trying to escape, hears Akui-kun screaming that it was all her idea, like a liar—

Urami looks up and sees a pair of eyebrows even bushier than dumb Lee’s on the man holding onto her and Akui-kun.

”WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?” The giant green eyebrows booms.

She tries to stutter out an answer, or beg the man to not let the Fox eat them, when the Demon yells, “Gai-sensei, those jerks were tryna put this outside Mayu-chan’s door, believe it! There’s—oh gross, there’s a dead bird in here!!”

The giant eyebrows pull down to look thunderous, and Urami whimpers.

Urami doesn’t talk to Akui-kun anymore.

She isn’t allowed to listen when her parents talk about grown-up village things anymore either. Not since the jounin in green escorted her and Akui home in disgrace and scolded them in front of their parents. She’s apparently “too immature” to be trusted with listening anymore.

She’s heard rumors Akui-kun might drop out of the Academy soon and go work at his Gizen-jii’s convenience store. She kind of hopes he won’t, even if he is a spineless traitor who tried to sell her out.

She doesn’t know if she can survive being a ninja on her own.

One thing’s for sure though.

She is staying as far away as she can get from those— those three monsters as she can get.

#my writing #naruto #one piece #reincarnation #isekai #but i like one piece #naruto uzumaki #rock lee #maito gai #naruto oc #ketsugi mayu #those three monsters #a.k.a #why it’s a bad idea to try and badmouth any of this trio #tw bullying

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alchemy-fic · 3 years

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DELETED scenes from 88 and 89

The doorbell rang.

“MARI, who is it?” Eggman called.

“It’s… it’s your mother and she looks very upset.” MARI answered. “Do I enter lockdown mode?”

“Uh, no.” He escorted the Mobians to the operating room to wash up. He ran to Sheptilah and took her hands in his. “Please. Please be nice to Mama. She’s very abrasive but the sooner you meet her the better. It’s like ripping off a scab. She’ll leave on her own when she gets bored.”

“How bad can she be?” Tilly asked.

Eggman pulled her into the elevator and got off on the ground floor. “Just promise me you won’t hurt her and you’ll be patient.”

“Of course, Ivo.” Tilly cocked a brow.

“MARI, I want all the robots to treat Mama with respect. She’s still family so no blasting her, got it? Just keep her happy.”

“Yes, sir.” MARI answered.

Eggman threw open the door.

Before him stood a shorter, heavy set woman with the same luxurious mustache as her son. Her pink and white dress did not match her oversized teal church hat or her black pumps. She had the same black sclera and red irises as her son and spoke with a deep, booming voice. Her lipstick was expertly applied as was her eyeshadow. In her hand she carried an old, beat up suitcase.

“Mama!” He said through a forced smile.

“Why didn’t you invite me to your wedding, you slime bucket!? Just when were you going to tell me you got married!? ” She hollered. “I had to find out in the Mobius Home For Really Bizarre Mothers from some river rat’s bubbie that you got hitched! Is this the girl?” The woman spat.

“Mama, this is Sheptilah, my wife.” He gestured at her.

“Why does she look like Cher but with the colors inverted? Did you marry some dirty hippie? You didn’t even ask my permission to marry someone! How do I know if she’s any bad for you?”

“Mama, you will be pleased to know that Sheptilah is a queen .”

“Oh, that explains it. You married a goth queen. Who else would mix black lipstick, heavy black eyeshadow and white hair?”

“I’m wearing kohl.” Tilly crossed her arms. “It’s my custom, I’m not goth . My people never invaded the Roman empire.”

“... Not visigoths , girl.” Mama looked at her with a furrowed expression, one eyebrow cocked. “It’s like you aren’t… from this time. Nobody calls it kohl anymore...”

“She’s a real queen… It’s a nation near Iran.” Eggman interjected.

“Oh, great . Why haven’t you taken over the world or gone to war? However many goats he traded for you it was too many, little girl.” She blew past the couple and trudged into the kitchen to fix herself a snack.

Eggman looked at his wife apologetically.

“That is not abrasive.” She hissed under her breath. “That’s virulent . Also, I’m worth many, many goats.”

“I’m sorry. I love you, but please handle her until I’m out of surgery. I’ll make it as quick as possible.” He trotted after his mother.

Sheptilah took her time following them.

“Mama, I’m about to go help perform surgery on someone upstairs. In the meantime my wife and the robots will take care of your needs.”

“I didn’t raise such a wuss. Go, do your totally real surgery thing. I’m sure it’ll be all your robots and not your own handiwork.” She popped open a soda and guzzled it.

“Mrs. Eggman…” Sheptilah said, watching her husband leave the room.

Ivo winced and broke into a sprint.

“My name is Sylvia Robotnik! My slimeball of a son changed his last name years ago because he was ashamed of our family name.” She tossed the empty can over her shoulder.

“My apologies, Mrs. Robotnik.”

“You, girl, will call me Madam.” She piled on random ingredients to make a giant, disgusting sandwich.

“Right, sorry.”

“So if you’re a queen why do you live here in this dump?” She knocked the refrigerator door closed with her hip, making the appliance rattle.

“Truthfully,” she hesitated, “I am a five thousand year old queen and my kingdom doesn’t really exist anymore.”

“Of course you are. So why would my loser son marry you? Oh, no. Did he knock you up?”

“Ivo is not a loser,” Tilly grit her teeth, “And I am not pregnant.”

“He’s a loser, sweetheart; but you’re avoiding the question. Why would he marry you? ”

“Because he loves me?”

“Ivo doesn’t know how to love! I didn’t raise him to be sappy and sentimental! And what’s he trying to pull by being buff now?” She sat down to eat.

Sheptilah picked up the can and put it in the recycling bin.

“How are you even that old?” Sylvia practically ate the entire sandwich in one slobbery bite without chewing.

“I’m a witch and I was kept in a crystal for five thousand years until Ivo stumbled upon me and brought me home.”

“Oh, I see. You don’t have much experience with men! That’s why you decided to tie the knot with my loser son.”

“Madam, I think you don’t understand. He’s built himself an empire and controls almost every continent from right here in this lair with his Egg Bosses. He’s a literal emperor. He has a base on the moon . The moon!”

“So? What has he ever done for his mother?”

Tilly groaned in frustration. She balled her fists then relaxed. “Do you just not like me because I’m brown-skinned ?”

“What? No, I don’t like you because you’re a hippie! Look at you recycling and cleaning and whatever else it is you do. I bet that ugly garden out back was your idea.”

“Hmm…” Sheptilah mulled this over. She switched gears.

“What?”

“I think you would like something to eat, yes? I make great honey cakes.”

“How good of a cook can you be? You are a string bean.” Sylvia looked her over suspiciously.

Sheptilah summoned a plate of piping hot fried dough and a pot of honey. She drizzled the golden liquid over the cakes and slid it toward Sylvia.

“I am a woman of many talents, Madam.” Sheptilah then summoned gold coins into her hands and turned them into brilliantly cut gemstones. “Your son and I have plans for world domination, we are just busy with other things at the moment.”

Sylvia pushed the plate away. “Parlor tricks. Not very impressive. I’m growing bored with you, girl.”

“Well, what do you want to do?”

“I want to level this whole island to build a poorly designed parking lot with a ton of toll booths, for one. Then I want that stupid hedgehog caught and killed.”

“Are you talking about Sonic?”

“Yes! That pest! Always interfered when I tried to help my son get ahead in life. Do I smell cookies?”

“Yes, right this way.” Tilly escorted her to the dining room. “I made this tea myself.”

“Brew a fresh pot! I don’t know how long this has been sitting out here; and I want more cookies!” She practically inhaled the plate of leftover madeleines. “Don’t get any of your gross hair in them, either.”

“Right away,” Tilly left for the kitchen with the teapot. She washed it out and gathered some ingredients for a different brew.

Lavender, bergamot, catnip and lemon balm were added and boiled to extract flavor. As she poured the strained, boiling tea into two cups she whispered into one.

“ This tea as it passes lips, shall cause exhaustion with each sip. Every flavor strong and steep shall

curse the drinker into sleep. ”

Faint sparkles appeared as she blew across the tea. They disappeared and both cups looked identical again. Sheptilah turned the cursed tea cup so that the handle pointed inward and she could tell the difference.

She used magic to summon new cookies and brought them to the table.

Sheptilah placed the teacups on the table with a click and slid the cursed one to Sylvia.

The woman picked up the warm cup in her hands and inhaled deeply. “Smells awful!”

Sheptilah waited patiently for the woman to sip her tea but Sylvia lingered on her cup. “You’re a witch, right?”

“Yes.”

“Can you read tea leaves? I want you to read my fortune.”

“I can read tea leaves.”

“Well, go get some so you can do that!” Sylvia put her cup down but kept her hands on it.

Sheptilah groaned and got up. She retrieved some tea leaves in a slotted spoon and came back. She tipped the leaves into Sylvia’s cup and set the utensil aside.

“What’s in this junk, anyway?” Sylvia took a sip and yawned. “The aftertaste isn’t bad, at least.”

Sheptilah smirked. “Bergamot, lavender, you know… tea stuff.”

Ivo’s mother rested her elbow on the table and leaned her face against her palm, sloppily swaying the

cup back and forth as if she was aerating wine. She watched the tea leaves spin in the vortex she created.

“Feeling tired?” Tilly asked in a somewhat antagonizing voice. Sheptilah sipped her tea primly.

“Yes, it was a long trip up here.”

“That’s too bad.”

“It is, isn’t it?” Sylvia grinned mischievously and guzzled down the rest of the drink. “You’re too pretty for my son.”

“Hmm?”

“You’re too pretty . You’re outrageously skinny, your hair is too long and you wear nice clothes. You’re too pretty for him.”

“Do you mean to say I’m too feminine?”

“Too fragile in looks but not personality.” She shot a pointed look at Sheptilah, a broad and evil smile drawn across her face. “I figured you’d try to poison me.”

Tilly stiffened up. She felt her chest grow warm and her eyes become heavy.

“I’m immune to all that from years of eating hospital food but I switched the cups just in case .”

Sheptilah’s hands went numb. She dropped the cup and it shattered, spilling its cursed contents on the table. Sylvia stood and walked around toward the prone witch without letting the tea touch her.

“Ivo may be an idiot but he’s my idiot and I know my idiots. I know he’d never settle for anyone who wasn’t as smart and conniving as him; but I’m disappointed with how weak you are. A garden, recycling, being clean and nice? It’s disgusting in all the wrong ways! If you really knew what you were doing you'd have cursed both cups.”

“I eviscerated Katella.” Sheptilah muttered. "I can and will kill you , too."

“But you healed her and look what happened.” Sylvia pointed to the missing finger.

“How do you…”

“I have access to and read the EggNet, sweetheart.”

“How?” She struggled to stay awake.

“My son is predictable and never changed his passwords.” Sylvia gingerly brushed Sheptilah’s hair out of her face. “Are you dying?” The leaves stuck in her teeth made her smile look all the more menacing.

“No… It’s… sleep...”

“Too bad. Don’t worry, I won’t kill you.”

KORin entered the room. “Step away, Sylvia.”

“What the Hell are you supposed to be?” Mama Robotnik rested her hands on her hips. “Some kind of maid bot?”

“I’m the bouncer. It’s time for you to go.” KORin fixed her eyes on the woman.

“Nah, no thanks.” Sylvia walked up to the robot. “Stand down, tin woman.”

“My orders are to protect the family. I am here to protect the empress. Leave.”

“See, that’s the thing. Who is higher up on the rung? The emperor or the emperor’s mother?”

“KORin… it’s okay.” Sheptilah shut her eyes. “It won’t last… long…”

“Are you sure?” The robot stared at the witch.

“Yessss...” She passed out.

“So? What are you waiting for?” Sylvia stomped her foot. “Let’s move the body and get started on world domination!”

An hour into the surgery things were well underway and proceeding fine.

“Doctor Eggman?” Smiley looked up from his work when he saw the human move oddly out of the corner of his eye.

The human swayed on his feet. “Maybe I was not ready to come back…” He sat on the floor away from the operating table and rubbed his temples. “Suddenly I’m exhausted.”

Lourdes jumped down and checked him over. “When did you last eat?”

“Not that long ago.” He answered.

“Stay here for a minute, okay? Until you feel better.” Lourdes went back to monitoring Maw’s vitals.

“This surgery is going to take at least five hours and I need you awake to supervise. Remember, if the cybernetics malfunction we could all get sucked in! That sounds terrible.” Smiley dug around in Maw’s gums.

Eggman shook it off and stood. “I’m fine, I think I just had some kind of blood pressure drop. It only lasted a spell.” He stretched until he heard the joints in his spine pop.

“Neurally mediated hypotension!” Smiley looked up. “You were standing still too long hunched

over and watching us. Walk around the room a bit, you’ll feel better.” The corgi went back to his work.

“Wakey, wakey… your mother in law is ka-ray-zee.” Scourge shook the witch by the shoulders.

Sheptilah snored loudly.

“For God’s sake, lady! What happened?” He lifted her by her hair and slapped her face.

No reaction.

“I wish I could sleep like the dead.” Scourge slapped his own forehead. “The living, I wish I could sleep like the living… Oh, fuck.” He noticed the cursed tea twinkled oddly in his vision.

“Fuck! Fuck. How do you break curses… shit.” Scourge wiggled his fingers in her direction. “Abracadabra!”

Nothing.

“Um... what did she fuckin’ say once?” He muttered to himself. “Hex breaking… it was some stupid bullshit…oh! Cayenne pepper! Anything fuckin’ spicy.”

Scourge floated into the pantry and knocked ingredients over haphazardly. When he found the pepper he grinned. Grabbing it, he tried to fly out of the pantry only to get stuck with the pepper not passing through the door.

“Shit!” He struggled to pull it through, the bottle clanging against the metal. “Come. The. Fuck. On! Why does this work with people but not…”

The plastic bottle pulled through but without the powder inside inside it.

“Pepper. Right… that shit wards off ghosts. There must be no ghosts in fuckin’ Mexico...”

He calmly opened the pantry and tried to scoop up the pepper but it simply passed through his fingers.

“This is so fucking stupid!” He howled.

He angrily floated to the table and picked up Sylvia’s unbroken teacup and poured it out onto the floor. He then went to the pile of pepper and tried to scoop it into the cup with the same fruitless results.

“Fine, we do this the hard way!” He grabbed Sheptilah by the underarms and dragged her to the pile and dropped her face directly into it.

He glowered when he heard Sheptilah snore loudly. After a second the witch sat up sputtering. She clawed at her face, tears streaming from her eyes and mucus from her nose. She vomited up the sparse contents of her stomach.

Scourge calmly walked to the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of milk. He unscrewed the cap and doused Sheptilah over the head.

“What the Hell, Scourge!?” She choked.

“I just saved your ass, Sleeping Beauty. You’re a real idiot for trying to play the evil queen by cursing her tea. You should’ve cursed both cups and not drank from either!”

Sheptilah felt her way to the sink and washed her burning face. “I’m going to become a necromancer just to bring you back to life so I can slap you to death.” She sloshed some water in her mouth before spitting it out.

“The pepper got into my lungs!” She coughed deeply.

“You’ll heal. Listen… your mother in law is nuts! Nuttier than squirrel shit! Kick her out!”

“Scourge, I can’t breathe. I’m tempted to turn my lungs inside out and run them under cold water…”

“Wouldn’t that make you drown?”

“I can give myself gills!” She spat up a huge wad of phlegm straight into the sink and washed it down the drain.

“It’s the only way I was able to break the spell, ya ingrate.” He crossed his transparent arms.

“Thanks.” The burning began to subside. “What’s Sylvia doing?”

“Trashing the place. She’s already bossin’ Orbie and Cubey around and threw around a bunch of furniture; including the sofa.”

“The really big and soft one?”

“Yep.”

“I’ll have her head!” Sheptilah charged off, bumping into things with her eyes red and bleary. “Sylvia!” She called.

“I told you to call me Madam!” The woman shouted back. “I’m in the den, if you could call it that!”

Sheptilah walked in to see Sylvia moving all the heavy furniture around with one hand.

Holy shit, she thought. That woman has the same strength as Ivo!

“So what happened to your kingdom, anyway? If you were a queen we should use this to our advantage.”

“Advantage for what? World domination?” Tilly crossed her arms. Scourge appeared next to her.

Mama Robotnik let the sofa land with a hard thud. It was moved to the other side of the room blocking an exit.

“Giant parasites we sealed in the moon broke out when your son cracked said moon in half with his nonsense. They’re back and trying to kill everything but especially me. They’re causing all those wild earthquakes.”

“That’s your story?” The woman turned to Sheptilah and stared at her with disbelief.

“It’s true.”

“And how exactly has this prevented you two from taking over the world?”

“Well, we can’t take over a planet if something actively trying to destroy it is in our way. Once we get rid of those things we will decide what we want to do with the empire; but I won’t lie. I am considering expanding it.”

“By how much?” Sylvia cocked a brow.

“I want to convert my pyramid into a base and work on getting a large space station going.” Tilly nodded to herself.

“Small potatoes. Think bigger! Hold the sun for ransom!”

“He tried that once and it didn’t quite work out.”

“Moon for ransom?”

“He already tried that, too.”

“What about all the freshwater for ransom?”

“Eh, pretty much did that.”

“The planet for ransom!”

“Yep. He did that. That one almost worked.”

Sylvia flopped onto the sofa with a disgusted sigh. “But the hedgehog got into the way.”

“Among other things.” Sheptilah stuck out her hip. “Ivo is smart but he often does things without thinking. It’s really not that hard to kill Sonic, he just doesn't want to.”

“See, that’s his problem! He has no killer instinct, but you seem to have a semblance of one.” Sylvia sat up and straightened her hat.

“I have personally executed six people.”

“One of which being the child ghost that is making faces behind your back?” Mama Robotnik smirked.

Sheptilah whipped her head around to see Scourge was acting cute and innocent. She squinted at him before turning back to face Sylvia. “I’m not proud of his death. He’s haunting me.”

“Neener neener nee-nee!” Scourge teased. “Nah, the haunting was revoked forever ago. I’m just here for fun now.”

Mama Robotnik stroked her sizable mustache. “Still, why would my son marry you? More importantly, why wouldn’t he tell me? ”

“Because it was supposed to be a secret . We eloped. We’re not going public with the marriage until a later date. Trust me, he’d invite the world to come see his splendid wedding and get himself decked out and all that.”

Sheptilah sighed, tapping her upper arm with her fingers.

“We’re on thin ice with GUN because Shadow the hedgehog is my familiar, as you probably know.”

“Shadow? ” Sylvia thought this over. “ Gerald’s Shadow? I remember when he was this big.” She held her hands apart by about a foot. “He was an ugly baby. He looked like a turd crossed with a raisin.” She grimaced.

Tilly chuckled. “Yes, that Shadow. I guess not everything is on the EggNet.”

“They executed Gerald, his creator, and Shadow works for GUN anyway?” Sylvia grit her teeth and her face turned red with fury.

“Yeah, after they kept him in stasis for fifty years, destroyed his memory and tried to kill him.” Sheptilah shook her head, “I have a feeling he won’t work for them much longer. GUN really, really hates that he’s my familiar but recognizes they can’t do anything about it.”

They stared at each other in silence for a while.

“So who is my son performing surgery on upstairs?”

“Maw the thylacine. He’s one of the Egg Bosses. His jaw is all messed up.”

“Bah, when will he hire more humans? Who needs animals when you have human beings around? Besides you, of course. You barely count as a human; what with your alien magic nonsense and all that.”

Sheptilah rolled her eyes. “Well, it was nice having you for a visit but now you need to leave. We’re getting ready to bug bomb the place once Ivo’s done with the surgery and no living person can be here.”

“Oh, please! This place is spick and span! Clean as a whistle! It’s disgusting, really.”

“Madam... “

“Take my suitcase.” Sylvia threw it at Sheptilah. She barely caught it, the impact knocking the wind out of her. “And get the master bedroom ready. That’s where I’ll be sleeping. You and my moron of a son can sleep outside in your hippy garden.”

“He is not a moron.”

“He married you , didn’t he?”

Tilly adjusted her grip on the suitcase. “Scourge?”

“Yes?” The ghost smirked.

“Take this… and show her to her room.” She handed the spirit the luggage. Scourge understood and grinned at Sylvia.

“Right this way, Your Disgusting-ness!” Scourge bowed in a grand but obviously sarcastic gesture. He grabbed Sylvia with his free hand and dragged her through the walls and out of the lair.

“Don’t let her back in.” Sheptilah instructed MARI. “Please reactivate your and your sister’s bodies.”

“Thank God for you, mom.” MARI chirped.

Scourge came back, very proud of himself.

“Thank you, King Scourge. Fantastic work.”

“I love throwing people out on their asses.” he ‘dusted’ off his hands. “As long as spicy pepper isn’t involved I can do anything I want.”

“You may outgrow that cosmic ‘allergy’ as you get stronger.” Tilly giggled. “But you’ll always be affected by blessed salt.”

“I’m fucked if I ever go into a salt and pepper store.” He gestured like he was hanged with a noose.

“MARI, how’s the wife doing?” Eggman said.

“She and Scourge just kicked your mom out.”

“It’s nice they’re getting along.” A pause, and then: “Wait, what?”

The lair rumbled.

“Jeepers creepers!” Smiley yelped. “Earthquake?”

��No, that would be my mother.” Eggman sighed. “Finish up with him; I’ll be right back.”

He hurried out of the room.

“Sylvia!” The witch howled. “Put down the boulder!” She stood in front of MARI and KORin with her arms out protectively.

The hulking woman held the giant chunk of outcrop she broke over her head with little effort.

“No! You will learn some manners!” She broke the boulder in half simply by pulling it apart like stale bread.

“What kind of Mickey Mouse physics is that!? ” MARI cried.

“Girls, go back inside.” Tilly whispered harshly.

“No way!” MARI refused.

“You can’t do anything, MARI. It’s forbidden for you to hurt his family and unfortunately that’s family!”

“But we can still defend you.” KORin said.

“Do so from inside the lair. Maw’s still in surgery and he needs the protection. That’s an order!” Tilly ran in zig-zags, making it hard for Sylvia to aim the rocks. The robots lingered in the doorway before going inside.

Mama Robotnik threw both stones at the same time, both just barely missing the witch.

Sheptilah looked up at the shadow darkening over her body. It was Mama Robotnik coming in elbow-first with a wrestling slam. Sheptilah, eyes wide, stared up for the split second it took for gravity to pull the massive woman downwards. All at once the air was knocked from Tilly’s lungs and she was seeing stars.

The acrid smell of sweat and cheap perfume was all she could sense. Mama Robotnik stood up and

trotted off to pick another boulder to hurl.

Sheptilah, dazed and unable to focus, was sure she was flattened like a piece of paper. She felt the back of her head, noting her skull was cracked open and chunks of bone floated in brain matter. Warm blood streamed from her nose. She touched her forehead with her fingers, feeling the indent caused by Sylvia’s elbow.

Another shadow descended upon her. She flinched, believing it would be another blow but instead nothing happened.

Small stones fell around her with an almost hollow clatter. She looked up and saw it was her husband who had just punched the boulder to smithereens.

“Mother!” He shouted angrily.

Shadow teleported in with a massive headache. “Ti-ti! Sorry I’m late; I came as soon as I felt something was off.” He didn’t seem to be too shaken by the image of his witch with her brains out and about. She healed just as quickly on her own.

“Hi, Shads!” She said dreamily.

“She was rude!” Sylvia said petulantly. “I had to show her who was boss.”

Ivo’s fist throbbed. “You need to leave, Mother.”

Shadow turned to Eggman. “Do you want me to kill her?” He started toward Sylvia.

“Maybe.” Eggman said. “Open a portal to some place far away, if you please.”

Sylvia protested. Screaming nonsense, she charged at her only son.

Shadow slashed at the air and opened a knot to a mostly deserted beach.

Ivo picked up his mother, held her over his head and unceremoniously tossed her in. He chucked in her suitcase after.

Shadow closed the portal and helped his witch to her feet.

“Where’d you send her?” Ivo asked.

He shook off his headache. “Coney Island, New York.” Shadow smirked.

“This is the second time my brains were on your lawn, Ivo.” Sheptilah frowned.

Ivo looked at his aching fist and saw his glove was torn and bloody. He walked over to his wife and held her tightly. “Why weren’t you fighting back?”

“It’s hard when your brain is trying to reconstruct itself…” She shuddered. “Thank you for… saving my life.” The full horror of what occurred finally hit her and she stumbled.

He caught her and kissed her cheek. “I’m so sorry I had to leave you with her. I should’ve just kicked her out at first sight. I won’t let her come back ever again. I just couldn’t let the two doctors sit with Maw for that long because the bombs are so delicate sometimes.”

“How did the surgery go?” Sheptilah felt ice cold and shivered.

“Hm? Oh, Maw is in recovery but I don’t care about him right now.” He rubbed her shoulders to warm her up.

“Recovery? Oh, his jaw.” Shadow pretended like he forgot. “You did that today? With your mother here?”

“My mother surprised me.” Ivo huffed. “Had to leave my poor wife with her for four hours…” He rocked her back and forth in his arms.

“I’m okay, really. The lair is a mess but I can clean it up… I tried to curse her with sleep but ended up being cursed myself and while I was out she was rearranging things.”

“Just rest, honey. I’ll have the robots do that.” He ran his hand over the back of her head and cringed when he felt chunks of brain matter and bone. She was really hurt if the meninges tore that easily… what the Hell did my mother do? He thought. “Actually, I’m going to have Lourdes look you over.”

“Should I stay?” Shadow asked her.

“Only if you want to, Shads.” She nodded.

“Call me if you need me.” He took a step back and teleported out. A ring of dust was left behind and blew away in the wind.

“I’m so sorry, Tilly.” Ivo hugged her tightly. “I never should have let her stay. I knew something like this would happen.”

“How did you survive your childhood?” Tilly looked up at him.

“I got myself into boarding school and left home at a very young age.”

She buried her face in his chest.

#deleted scene

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moon-yeongjun · 3 years

Text

Hey Sunny, it’s Tae || Moon Sibs

Summary: Tae comes out to his sister, Sunny! Very cute and pure.

tw: references to religion and homophobia

@moon-yeongtae

TAE:

Tae was going to tell his sister he was gay. Probably.

It might be better if he’d told himself that he really wanted to tell his sister he was gay, but he would see where the conversation took him. If he’d done that, he might not be standing outside of her room feeling like he was about to throw up all over the runner carpet in their hallway. (It was kind of an ugly rug anyway, right? No one would care if he puked on it.)

It was just, this was a very important moment. This was sort of a gauge for how well the rest of his coming out might go. Jun-hyung had to love him anyway. They were the two men. They had to stick together, plus Tae knew that his hyung had a little bit of a soft spot for him.

Sunny didn’t have that same obligation. Sunny could totally decide she thought he was gross and evil and going to hell and scream and tell their mother everything he said to her.

Tae looked down at his hands and realized they were shaking. Saturday afternoon wasn’t a time for shaking fingers. He should be lounging around playing games or texting Nemo. Instead he was here, trying to be brave.

The deal was this: Tae really wanted to be himself. His whole self.

Tae wanted to be able to watch TV with his family and mention that one of the guys on the screen was good looking. He wanted to be able to talk about boys with his sisters maybe or like, tell his family about who he loved and why it was so important to him.

The most important thing was that he wanted to be able to feel unafraid in his own house. As it was, Tae had this constant worry in the back of his mind that he would slip up and say something and that would be it. He’d be kicked out or hated or regarded as something unnatural. He was tired of being afraid.

Tae lifted his hand and knocked on the door, knowing Sunny was alone in there. He’d texted her--told her he had something he wanted to run by her--and she’d told him she’d be in her room.

“Hey, Sunny,” he said. “It’s Tae.”

SUNNY:

Sunny didn’t get much alone time. She didn’t really care about that-- when you were born a triplet, alone was kind of a foreign concept. Even when her sisters weren’t there, they also kind of were. She could hear their voices, you know, like-- if she were out with her friends getting ice cream, she knew what Star would order, and she knew Sky would rather just have all the toppings without the soft serve. That’s what being a triplet was like. It wasn’t like she could read their minds or like she didn’t have her own...but she knew them so well it was impossible not to think about them even when they weren’t there.

Like right now. Sky was at one of her clarinet lessons and Star went along a lot of the time to do stuff in NTO with Eomma. Sunny went along sometimes, but just as often stayed behind. She didn’t like shopping as much and it could really take forever.

So she was stretched out on her bed, watching videos. She didn’t think anything of the text, honestly. Tae was...as weird as her sisters weren’t. She loved him, of course, but she couldn’t predict all his teenagery moods, how there were times he’d let her play on the Switch with him or watch him train, and other times bark at her to go away!! like she’d done something wrong.

Tae just thought he was cooler than all of them. Junnie said he’d grow out of it.

He appeared now, peeking through a half opened door. She didn’t look up from her video. She was watching Haikyuu! “Hiiiiii,” she said, feet kicking in the air a little. The door hinge squeaked a little and then closed. Sunny glanced up from the episode and saw Tae just standing there.

“Uh...you okay?” Sunny said as she tugged out one of her earbuds. “You look like you have a stomachache.”

TAE:

Tae did have a stomachache. He actually almost wanted to laugh because he thought that might be the only way to banish the ice cold tingling in feeling in his chest that had frozen him to the spot.

Now that he was here--now that he was looking at Sunny’s face--he didn’t know if he could do this. He tried to smile, failed, and nodded his head silently before finally moving into the room. He made sure to shut the door behind him even though he knew they weren’t going to get interrupted. No one else was home, but he could feel the terror worming its way into his limbs at the thought of his eomma standing just outside the door and overhearing what he was about to say.

It shouldn’t be this hard to be himself. He shouldn’t be this scared, but he was.

“What are you watching?” Tae said as he moved closer to her bed. He sat on the very corner, his hands folded in his lap, and he tried again to smile. He was a little more successful this time, he thought, but he wasn’t sure because he couldn’t exactly feel his face.

It struck him that he might have a panic attack here in his sister’s room, and he started counting in his head.

One, I’m going to be okay. Two, this is fine. Three, all I need to do is just say it. Four, I can do this. Five, she will still love me.

The sound of Sunny’s voice was muffled, like Tae was under water, and he finally looked up and met her eyes. “I have to tell you something, but you have to promise to keep it a secret for now, okay?”

SUNNY:

“The new episode of Haikyuu,” answered Sunny and she looked back down again, frowning a little. She’d missed some stuff. She clicked stop on her laptop and by the time she looked up, Tae had moved further into her room and was sitting down on the corner of her bed.

This was officially the weirdest Tae had ever been.

Come to think of it, how often did Tae really text her? If they did, it was about chores stuff or sometimes Sunny would ask Tae when he was coming home, or vice versa. Otherwise, Sunny always popped by Tae’s room or inserted herself into his movie nights or video game tourneys. (Star and Sky didn’t like playing video games, so Sunny had no choice but to make Tae and his friends play with her).

But he never came to her.

Never.

Okay, maybe once. Junnie was working and Tae was bored, so he had no other choice.

But he’d just ask if that was the case. Was it something with school? Sunny’s hand moved back to grab her pony tail and bring it around so she could bite down on it. Tae still wasn’t speaking though...and the silence started to make her squirm.

“Oppa,” she said. Then, louder: “Oppaaa, what’s going on?”

Finally, Tae spoke.

A secret?

Uh-oh. Did Tae get in another fight? Was he suspended and didn’t tell Eomma?

Sunny blinked. She scooched back onto her shins, sitting so her legs were underneath her. “Um, okay. It’s not bad though, right? You’re not in trouble again, right?”

TAE:

Ha.

Tae wished he was in trouble again. In fact, for a second he considered saying yes. He would laugh and hang his head and say something like, Yeah, I guess I’m pretty easy to read, huh? They would both go on with their lives, Sunny disappointed in her troublemaking brother and Tae hiding in the closet where it was safe.

But what was the point of that? Tae knew he couldn’t hide forever--he didn’t want to hide forever--and what was the difference between now and a year from now, really? Not that he could keep it to himself that long.

Tae looked up at his sister and felt his throat try to close on him. He coughed and then realized that Sunny was sort of swimming in front of him as his eyes stung. He was going to cry. God, that was so embarrassing. It was just--he didn’t want to hide anymore. He was tired.

“No--I uh--ha--”

Tae trailed off and ran his fingers through his hair as he shifted on the bed. Why was this so hard? He’d even practiced. It was easy.

Just say it!

“Well, I wanted to sort of tell you something...it’s about me. And I totally understand if you don’t really want to talk to me anymore after you hear it or--well, if you need time, or whatever. Wow, this is really hard to say. I’m just--uh--”

Tae’s breath faltered and the tears started falling down his cheeks. He laughed as he wiped at his eyes. “Um, I’m gay. Y-yeah.”

Tae focused on a small section of Sunny’s comforter, not really seeing it at all. “I like boys.”

SUNNY:

Tae started to cry. Sunny’s eyes widened. “Tae-yah…” she started, her voice a tiny, reedy thing-- smaller than it had ever been. Because she was the loud one. People talked about the sisters in one-word descriptors like they were little crossword clues to help keep them apart. Sky was quiet, Sunny was loud. Star was funny, Sky polite, Sunny nice. Star and Sky were both cowards, but Sunny was brave.

But those one words couldn’t really describe a person. Sometimes Sunny got quiet. Sometimes, Sunny got scared.

She was scared now. And after Tae said he was gay-- she was terrified.

But not because he was gay. Tae’s tears and his identity didn’t make sense to her in the cause-effect kind of way. Sunny thought there must be another explanation. And all the explanations were huge and horrifying.

She scooched on the bed immediately, and she reached her arms around Tae’s shoulders. “Oh, oh no, are you not allowed to tell me because of Eomma? Did she say not to? It’s okay, I don’t care, I promise! Of course I still want to talk to you!” She squeezed him even tighter, her head falling forward against her brother’s shoulder.

Her heart was pounding, but only because of the scenario in her head-- one where their eomma had found out and told Tae never to say anything to anyone. That’d be awful, if it were Sunny, she’d be so lonely.

TAE:

Sunny’s arms were around him and Tae didn’t know what to do. He was shocked, really. He hadn’t expected her to hug him and now he held his arms up and away from her body like if he touched her she would burn him. And what she said…

Tae blinked some tears from his eyes and slowly lowered his hands until they rested on her shoulders. This was a good sign though, right? She was hugging him instead of kicking him out of her room and suddenly he felt an overwhelming surge of affection for his sister. He was glad he’d told her and he could feel some of the weight melting off his shoulders as she pressed her head into his shoulder.

“I--” he started. “I haven’t told Eomma,” he said, feeling a little bit ashamed. The fear was bigger than the shame, though, and he knew he still wasn’t ready to tell everyone.

“Jun-hyung knows, but that’s it. I--I’m too scared to tell anyone else.”

SUNNY:

Wait, Eomma didn’t know? Sunny pulled away and her brows furrowed in confusion. If Eomma didn’t know then why…

Sunny’s shoulders fell along with her stomach. That falling feeling didn’t just disappear either. It rose around her. Her brother had really thought that she wouldn’t love him because of this.

Once again, she couldn’t help but think about Star and Sky. She knew it was because she was the most co-dependent or whatever, something that Star sneered at her when they got into fights. But her sisters were in this room whether Tae or Sunny wanted them to or not. She saw Star on her right and Sky on her left. Why would he think we’d care about that? We’re not bigots! Star would exclaim. And Sky, well...she was tougher but even Sky. Sky would love Tae anyway.

“Oh,” she settled back on her calves again, her voice still small. As much as she hated Tae thinking she could ever reject him, she also couldn’t ignore the fact he came to her anyway.

Her. Not her sisters. That was so... weird. Star was the confident one, after all. Sky was the smartest. Sunny was…?

I’m so offended, Star would say.

It’s because you hang out with him the most, Sky would explain.

She wished both of them were here now though.

“I--I’m sorry. It’s not because of something I said, right? Did I do something homophobic?” She frowned deeper. “I didn’t mean it if I did. I like gay people. I mean, Nemo oppa was dating that boy and I didn’t c--” And then she gasped, her hands flying up to her mouth, eyes nearly bugging out of her head.

“Oh my god, you and Nemo are boyfriends!” she squealed.

TAE:

Tae was about to open his mouth and assure Sunny that she’d done nothing wrong. It was all him. He was the one who was too scared to be himself and she shouldn’t blame herself for him keeping secrets. His eyes no longer stung--they were red and puffy and his chest was lighter than it had been in days and it was all because Sunny had accepted him. She’d hugged him and told him she still loved him in her own way, so of course he couldn’t let her blame herself.

He didn’t get the chance to do that, though, because she gasped and sat back on her heels and yeah…

It was super embarrassing actually that once she’d known he was gay, she’d known about him and Nemo. Tae’s face flushed and he picked at his sweatpants.

This wasn’t the time for it--not really--but he couldn’t keep the stupid smile off of his face. Hearing Sunny call him and Nemo boyfriends had his heart galloping in his chest. He almost wished Nemo were here so he could hold his hand and kiss his cheeks and say something cheesy like, See how obvious I am about how much I like you. Even Sunny knows.

But Nemo wasn’t here and the closest Tae could get to him was to think about how he would sit in his bed and text Nemo about all of this later and then they would flirt and talk about how they wanted to be kissing and he would be happy.

“Um--” Tae said, still smiling his stupid smile that Nemo liked so much because it showed off his stupid teeth. Ugh, thinking about Nemo liking his teeth made him smile even bigger, too, and just for a second Tae appreciated that this was how life could be. He could sit with his sisters and talk about Nemo and he wouldn’t have to hide how he really felt. It was a liberating thought.

“I don’t know. I mean we kind of are, yeah--we are, but it’s hard because not everyone knows about me and--” Tae looked at his sister and couldn’t resist the temptation to fall into this conversation and live like nothing was a secret anymore.

“I like him so much, Sunny. Like, so, so much. He’s so nice and cute and sweet and I like kissing him. A lot.”

Tae’s cheeks were hot, but he was happy.

SUNNY:

Yup, Sunny did the maths! She was quite good at maths, and also, it wasn’t a very hard equation. Tae+Nemo=boyfriends. Now that she noticed, she felt stupid for not seeing it before. Nemo coming over almost every single weekend...the way they always raced off to hang out in Tae’s room, door firmly shut… all the times Tae got pissed at Sunny for no reason when she forced them to come out and play with her. Now she understood.

Ah. She had gotten in the way of-- boyfriend stuff. (Ew????)

And Sunny might have actually started going ew ew ew, if Tae didn’t blush the way Star blushed whenever Oliver from Bio talked to her or complimented her hair. This was a Tae she really hadn’t ever seen, only ever in glimpses-- but now that she thought about it, those glimpses happened around Nemo too, whenever Nemo made Tae laugh.

She couldn’t ew that. She couldn’t ew Tae’s smile and how quickly and sweetly he talked, like he couldn’t keep all his words in anymore.

It was a really good thing she had so much practice with boy-crazy Star. Wow, maybe this would be Star and Tae’s thing once Tae told Star.

“That’s crazy!” Sunny laughed. She meant crazy as in that’s so cool-awesome-wow-wow-wow, not crazy like the actual meaning. “Wow, you guys have been dating a really long time then, huh? Like-- oh, maybe the fall?” she scrunched up her nose as she tried to remember. It was kinda strange, since Nemo had always just...been around. “You were dating at the carnival, definitely! Did you ask him out or did he ask you out?”

TAE:

Thinking about being with Nemo didn’t really have any sort of start date for Tae. Yeah, they’d kissed after he won his tournament and Tae knew he would remember that moment probably for the rest of his life, but when he looked back, it was hard to say that’s when everything started. How was he supposed to put a start date on loving Nemo? Kissing didn’t make their relationship ‘official’. Tae had loved Nemo for a long time, long before he ever thought about kissing being an extension of that love.

They’d sort of fallen together, the way Tae saw it. They were best friends first, and yes, he could say they were boyfriends now and maybe that meant something else to other people, but for him it was just how things were. He loved Nemo. Nemo made him just as happy now as he did when Tae would share his legos and they would make castles and dragons and stupid little houses that fell down when he poked them.

So yeah, Tae wanted to say that he and Nemo had been dating for a long time, but in the grand scheme of loving each other, it really hadn’t been that long at all, had it?

Of course, Tae didn’t need to get into all of that with his sister. He barely even understood the complicated definitions forced on relationships, so he should probably just stick to the basics. “I think I asked him out. Or, well, I kissed him first so I think that counts. I was so nervous when I did it, but afterward it just felt right.”

Tae looked at Sunny with earnest eyes and tried to make her understand how loving Nemo could never be a sin. Not in a million years. “I know that people at church say it’s bad, but how can something that feels so right and so true be bad, Sunny? And I’m scared that Eomma agrees with them and Nemo is so good and sweet and nice and I don’t want her to hate him because of me. I don’t want her to hate me either, but if she hated him that would just be so unfair and I don’t think I can tell her.”

SUNNY:

Sunny wanted to tell Tae that Eomma would never.

But...hadn’t Sunny immediately assumed Tae’s tears had to do with their eomma? Once again, Sunny’s shoulders slumped, her eyebrows pulling down too. She pulled at her pony tail again, wanting to chew on it as was her habit, but she stopped herself and only fiddled with the ends of her long blond hair as she worried her lip between her teeth.

The thing was, Sunny couldn’t imagine Eomma not loving Tae, even with this news. Yeah, their eomma was pretty religious and very traditional and was obsessed with finding Junnie a wife and setting Tae up too-- as soon as they were all older, Sunny was sure Eomma would be pestering them all about finding nice Korean boys who would support them. And that was kind of appealing sometimes. Star was going to date a billion white boys just to be difficult, but Sky said all the time that she wouldn’t mind having a smart and handsome engineer or lawyer or doctor, and she liked the idea of someone sharing their culture so they wouldn’t make fun of her food or think their holidays were weird. Sunny wasn’t sure herself. She never thought about boys. She liked… well, playing volleyball. All she wanted to do was play volleyball, practice with her team, hang out. She was really young though so maybe that would all change?

Or maybe she wouldn’t. Maybe she’d never want to get married. Would Eomma hate her then too?

She still couldn’t imagine it. Sure, disappointment, like how she was punishing Junnie but it wasn’t like...well, she wasn’t kicking Junnie out.

“I don’t think she’d hate Nemo or you, oppa,” Sunny said softly. She reached forward and took Tae’s hand, squeezing it and smiling, even as tiny tears pricked her eyes. “Maybe she won’t get it at first, but...well, she hated when Star and I bleached our hair, y’know? Remember how mad she was? But she got over it. And whenever you want to tell her, I can be there, and I’ll tell her it’s totally normal and not all churches even think it’s a sin anymore.”

TAE:

Tae didn’t even know what to say really. He was feeling so many things all at once, but the thing he felt the most was gratitude. Sunny didn’t have to say those things, but she was saying them and she meant them. She was looking into his eyes and telling him that she was on his side and Tae knew he was going to cry. There was no way around it.

The relief and the love he felt for his sister in this moment all welled up in his chest at once and filled his eyes with hot stinging tears. “I--” he said, blinking so that his vision cleared. There was nothing he could say. Not really. Nothing was good enough to express how he felt.

Instead of saying anything Tae leaned in and hugged his sister. He hugged her tight as more tears spilled down his cheeks and he tried to imagine doing this again with his whole family and it going the same way. He wanted to tell his eomma. He wanted her to look at him like Sunny had looked at him and tell him that she was still proud of him and still loved him.

That thought flashed bright in his mind and a sob wracked his frame. He didn’t know if he should laugh or cry harder, so he did both, feeling like a huge idiot.

“Thank y-you,” Tae said, his voice wet and thick. “I--um--I’m really glad I told you.”

#para #sunny #moon siblings #jun is not in this lmfao but i love these kIDS

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doctordisaster · 4 years

Text

Okay, so about the space movie: it is not good. I haven’t come out of a star war feeling this disappointed since the prequels. It’s worse than revenge of the sith. I think it must be better than phantom menace, but I’m not sure. That’s how bad it is: I’d need to rewatch the worst installment in the series to confidently rank the newest.

I’ve seen some people say they enjoyed it in the theater but liked it less the more they thought about it — which was more or less my experience with Solo. That was not my experience this time. I was numbed, bored, or annoyed for most of the movie’s runtime. There are a few good moments, but it is by and large just not fun to watch.

It also appears to have been plotted by an angry mob of reddit incels. Bad fan theories, unwanted redemption arcs, and pointless throwbacks rule the day. Assholes drove Kelly Marie Tran off of Twitter; JJ Abrams drove Kelly Marie Tran out of Star Wars. Every moment of character development from the previous film was actively and loudly reversed. As a matter of fact, every status quo change in this very film was reversed, usually within seconds of screen time. At every point at which the movie ought to have turned right, it turned left.

Below the cut I’m going to list things I liked and things I didn’t. Don’t read it if you want to be surprised by the movie's disappointments live in the theater.

Good things in space movie no. 9:

The little goblin who works on droids is cute

Lando’s scenes are all very nice

Chewie trying to hide in a crowd was funny

Wedge! I love Wedge!

I loved the design of Kylo Ren’s space office

The moment where literally every spaceship that has ever been in a star war shows up. Also the moment where literally every person who has ever played a Jedi speaks a line. These are each a nice gimmick, although I am not sure both should have been used, and certainly not that close together.

I like the moment where Poe and The Female Person Poe Put His Definitely Heterosexual Penis Into At Some Point In The Past have a whole conversation just with their facial expressions. It’s especially impressive because The Female Person Poe Put His Definitely Heterosexual Penis Into At Some Point In The Past is wearing a metal helmet that entirely conceals her face.

The scene where Finn and The Female Person Finn Is Going To Put His Definitely Heterosexual Penis Into At Some Point In The Future bond over the shared elements of their history was very nice.

The scene where force ghost Luke explains that he was wrong to isolate himself from the universe is nowhere near as good as any of Luke and Rey’s scenes in TLJ, but it’s definitely necessary considering how confused some fans seemed to be on this point.

Some of the banter between the main three is quite fun

The scene of young Leia and Luke doing Jedi stuff is lovely and I wanted more of it.

Bad things in movie 9 from outer space:

Everything about Palpatine. Bringing him back is stupid. His plan is stupid. His inexplicable motivations are stupid. The fact that he has apparently just been sitting on his ass for 40 years is really stupid. Not explaining how he survived being thrown down a bottomless pit, exploding, and then the station he was on also exploding is extremely stupid.

Speaking of stupid, Rey Palpatine is the single worst idea that has ever been in any of these films. One of the most obnoxious things about JJ Abrams “mystery boxes” is that the mystery he deems the holy grail of box mysteries and buries deep deep down at the bottom of the mystery box is consistently something obvious and bad and not even slightly clever. There were literally two dumb fan theories for Rey’s parentage — Kenobi and Palpatine — and Palpatine was the one that was dumber.

It’s worse than midiclorians, because now Palpy fucks. Palpy canonically fucks.

Gross.

The only potentially good thing about bringing back Palpy is getting to enjoy Ian McDiarmid’s gloriously campy performance again, but for some goddamn reason they trap him on an empty soundstage lit only by strobes, then color grade everything to pure gray so you can’t fucking see what’s going on.

I get that it’s supposed to be the heart of evil and darkness, but good production design can evoke that without making it impossible to see the actors and unpleasant to look at the frame

Speaking of which, how is this movie so ugly??? There are maybe three visually nice locations and everything else is just hideous. This is a complaint I’d never even consider leveling at a previous star war. Even the shittiest ones were beautiful to look at.

Every Star Destroyer has an onboard death star superlaser now. I started by booing, saw that the superlasers are just a metal cock and balls, and then laughed my ass off through the rest of the supposedly serious scene where it blows up a planet.

The way you kill a star destroyer now is you shoot it in its dick

The only people who will be pleased by this movie are Reylo shippers and that is a horrible thing to be true

The macguffin chase that constitutes the first two thirds of this movie is pointless and boring. I especially loved the multiple times when someone lost a macguffin only to go “oh I forgot I have a spare in the glovebox”

Can we even list all the times something supposedly momentous happened only to be reversed moments later?

chewie dies! wait it was somehow the wrong ship even though they were in the middle of a literal fucking desert and there was no other ship around

The Female Person Poe Put His Definitely Heterosexual Penis Into At Some Point In The Past just got obliterated along with her entire planet by a different penis, this one attached to a star destroyer! oh wait she didn’t. no explanation she just didn’t die.

also the droid gremlin is with her

hux turned spy for the resist— oh wait he’s dead

Rey killed Kylo! But she feels bad so she heals him back

Palpatine just killed Kylo! Oh wait he didn’t. No explanation he just didn’t die, because JJ needed him to immediately reverse another supposedly momentous death.

Kylo smashed the macguffin! we’re doomed oh wait glovebox

Palpatine just electrocuted the entire rebel fleet to death! oh they got better

There’s absolutely no way to get across these waves! Oh wait Rey just... went across them

Well maybe it’s because she has the force and was able to oh wait Finn just went across them too

Well maybe that’s because The Female Person Finn Is Going To Put His Definitely Heterosexual Penis Into At Some Point In The Future is such an expert at navigating the oh wait Kylo is there as well

If only this movie took place in a universe with vehicles that do not touch the ground, we could have skipped this entire stupid subplot

3po makes a massive sacrifice by allowing his memory to be wiped! oh wait he had a backup

I also hate that 3po’s memory wipe is treated, before it happens, with pathos and gravitas, and then the moment he actually loses everything about his life and all his friends, it’s IMMEDIATELY treated as a joke

I love the way Rey is briefly dead but then Kylo goes “oh no!” and uses the last of his life force to bring her back. I wanted her to go “oh no!” and then use the last of her life force to bring him back. And then he’d go “oh no!” and use the last of his life force to

When the emperor dies, they show a montage of star destroyers blowing up elsewhere in the galaxy. Including one over endor? Why did they have a star destroyer over endor. How did the ewoks blow it up? Did they tie a log to one of the other moons and another log to another other moon and then cut the vines and the logs went smoosh

At the start of the movie Palpy promises Kylo his throne and limitless power in exchange for the one thing he wants most desperately in the world, which is for Rey to be dead. Then Rey shows up and Palpy goes “ah good you are here, I need you to kill me so my spirit can transfer to you” as though these demands aren’t utterly contradictory on every level. Then when she refuses he’s like “oh well, I suppose I can suck your and Kylo’s life forces out and rejuvenate myself to rule anew” as though that isn’t vastly preferable to plans A and B from his perspective

why is he in this movie

Having the knights of ren in this movie really justifies Rian Johnson’s choice not to have them in TLJ.

Every time the knights of ren appear, the timpanist bangs out the music cue for the sand people, so I think John Williams just decided that they ARE sand people in different hats.

Remember the eerie moment in TLJ where Rey and Kylo were connected across a vast distance through the force and Rey was in a monsoon and when the connection closed Kylo found some raindrops on his glove? Remember when Luke used a similar ability, without any physical transference, and the strain was so great that it ended his life? Now do you remember when TROS turned that into a totally mundane effortless 3d fax machine so they could pass necklaces and macguffins and lightsabers back and forth constantly, and even have whole physically real saber duels even though the script was too lazy to put them in the same place? Hey that fucking sucked

Remember Rose Tico? JJ doesn’t

The scene of Poe “micro-jumping” the Falcon is awful on so many levels. First of all, it’s just a one-off joke from Guardians of the Galaxy, but played straight for some reason. Second, changing the setting of the chase every few seconds makes the action just as numbing and impossible to follow as Michael Bay’s worst. Third, it makes no sense that the TIEs are following them through the microjumps, and the fact that they can do so makes the microjumps completely pointless. Why are you even microjumping if they can just follow you? Then the characters spend several scenes going on and on about what a big deal microjumps are, only for no one to ever do it or refer to it again.

Rey asks “what was snoke’s deal,” as though reading off a card with questions from our most obnoxious audience members, and Palpy goes “Snoke was my creation” which makes sense, like he trained the guy and equipped him and pulled his strings from the shadows and no, wait, the camera is panning over to a literal Jar O’ Snokes that Palpy just has handy in his empty strobelit soundstage.

I wish the camera had kept panning to show a Jar O’ Phasmas and a Jar O’ Huxes and maybe a Jar O’ Unkar Plutts so that all the characters from TFA could have an Offically Explained Back Story

If he put all the jars in another jar he could have a Jar Jar and the circle would be complete

I liked the part where they were having a lightsaber duel on a pier and the swings got slower and slower and finally they stopped and just kind of stared at each other like “wtf is even the point of this” because that was exactly how I felt at that moment.

tbh that was exactly how I felt for most of the movie

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bluepenguinstories · 4 years

Text

Happiness Overload Chapter Fifty-Two

Did I lose them? I looked back. No one in sight. No naggy woman calling for me to get back there.

Well, it’s not like I WANTED to lose them, curiosity just got the better of me. But after a bit of wandering around, it was starting to get boring. Yeah. I probably could’ve walked back to them, I bet they were even waiting for me and everything. No, they’re sensible. They’ve got a mission and stuff, right? I mean, mission...miss them. Fuck. But it was okay. It would be okay. Maybe it wouldn’t be, but if I told myself enough times, I was pretty sure that I’d be fine.

Those two, Velvet and Coriander (though I met her as Birch, and honestly, she could’ve been like a long-lost cousin several times removed or something. I wouldn’t have even questioned it) were quite the pair. While I wasn’t sure what they would do after all this, it seemed like the likely scenario was that this ship was going to be my home now. There might be them, but there might not. The inhabitants of the ship, where would they go? Also a good question.

Yeah. That was another thing, wasn’t it? Uncertainty. Well, it would’ve been the same thing whether I stayed on Earth or went here. Guess I made my choice. So did he.

I knew when that stranger Verse barged in that things were about to get real weird. Well, okay, so things were already weird. I mean, roadkill apartment being eaten by crows? Some kind of evil organization in a literal “middle of nowhere”? Yeah. Should’ve seen it coming. But just the talk about how the world could end or we could go on this ship and possibly face being killed once aboard, I could tell there would be trouble.

Treetrunk could tell as well. Oh, I guess I never really called him that anymore, huh? Well, okay, then. Trent could tell things were bad news. His face was all “buuuuh”. That was the thing, huh? I wasn’t always the best at reading a room or listening to people. Sometimes I could take a joke too far. Sometimes when people would cry I would laugh, but I didn’t mean to make fun of them, but then it probably seems that way because I start telling jokes and...yeah. Moving on.

While I wasn’t the best at people sometimes, it was interesting how people would try to hide things or try to be all discrete and others would be fooled even though it ought to be so obvious. It could have something to do with living with someone who tended to go around with a poker face and be a bit of a pushover, let’s be honest.

Later at night, I knocked on his door and entered. He was just laying in bed and reading a book. Guess there wasn’t much else to do since he became out of a job.

“Sooo...got any pop-tarts stashed in here? I know you do. Don’t hide ‘em.”

“What do you want?” He replied, sounding rather annoyed. The gall.

“Pop-tarts. I just said, didn’t I?” I rummaged through that little bedside table where there was a drawer and found a package. Hard to tell the flavor from outside the plastic, but as long as it wasn’t brown sugar flavor, all would be good. But, as I got up and made my way to the door, I closed it.

“I know that talk bothered you earlier,” I got right to the point. Never said I was good at segues. “I mean, when you got those options, really hard to choose I imagine.”

“I knew this wasn’t about the Pop-Tarts,” he side-eyed me.

“What?! Of course it is!” I struggled to open the plastic. “Munchies are serious business! But...ahem! Yes. You’re freaking out, I can tell.”

“Right now? Maybe if you were a stranger sneaking into my room and stealing my food, then yes, but –”

“No, that’s not what I mean. I mean, the whole die or die thing. It’s like you either die or you die.”

“Not much of a choice, if you ask me.”

I shook my head. “It’s pretty outrageous, too. But all these crazy things have been happening around the world, and there’s less and less people by the day, so the world could very well be ending.”

“Aren’t you scared, too?”

“Sure,” I shrugged. “Shitless. But if there’s a chance to live longer aboard a ship, even if it might be pretty lonely, I’ll do it.”

“Yeah. I’d like you to live.”

“That’s too bad because I was thinking of jumping into a lava pit.”

He glared at me.

“Oh, alright. But don’t you want to live, too? I mean, there is that whole thing that Verse lady said, too, how it’s probably super dangerous and stuff. I guess there’d probably be a buncha guys with guns and action movie shit. Ooh,” I nudged. “Yeah, you should come along. You’d be all into that.”

“I’m just not sure. What if things get better here? What if I could make things better here? But what if I can’t and I’d have better uses there. But then, I don’t think I could stand to do it. The idea that I have to stay inside, that there is no outside, and if I try to go out, I could put others in danger.”

“Then you just gotta do what’s right for you.”

“But that’s the thing: what’s right for me?”

I shrugged. “Beats me, but it’s okay whichever you choose, because I could probably understand.”

“Would it be okay to leave you behind, though?”

“I’m an adult.”

“Yeah, but I’m worried about you.”

“I’m worried about you too, that’s why I came in here.” Oops. Now he knew for sure it wasn’t just for snacks. “I’m going to miss you if we part and I don’t see you again, but I doubt it’ll set in right away. It’ll probably take a while.”

That’s what I told him. He nodded, but didn’t make a decision that night. I let him think on it, and I just tried avoiding thinking about it all together, because that made it easier to deal with. But we both had to deal with it, didn’t we, and he was back on Earth and I was in some ship thingy.

But as for missing…

It felt weird already. Like, I didn’t think it would set in so fast, but damn, it sure did; my stomach started to growl and I had nothing to snack on. No muffin, no banana. No banana nut muffin.

“Buuuh, is it too late to go back?” I whined, my hand on my forehead. Nah, I wouldn’t want to, anyway. I mean, I kinda did. I could’ve brought some goodies with me to play with, or a keepsake. “Dammit, this is so stupid. Why’s the world gotta end?” Oh, right. I didn’t even bring a change of clothes. Gross.

Room after room, I tried to open the doors and find one that I could actually get into. So far, they all turned out to be locked. The most surprising bit, or at least to me, was that a lot of those doors had handles. I imagined something more like a super top secret base with doors you needed hand scanners for, but nope. Well, I guess some had those. Probably the super important ones. I recall passing by some here and there.

But damn, between the running and being hungry, I really just needed to get to a room and take a break. Just to sit down and rest.

I huffed, my hands over my knees.

“Why…” I wanted to finish my sentence, but I was still trying to catch my breath.

...Why do you have to be so damn fast?

No. I was never built to run. I’ll be the first to admit. Yet that’s what I did for years, didn’t I? How? I wanted to know how. There was a hunch I had, the possibility of there being a difference between running to something and running from something.

For years, I had ran from these people, my fate, and for years, I had thrown away several identities, my emotions, so I could live to see another day, free from capture. Somewhere along the line, however, I got tired, and stopped running.

“Where could you have gone?” I found the myself ask, in a manner that was rather unbecoming of me. My voice sounded weak, distressed. Something I never wanted to be.

It was a linear yet winding hallway, so it seemed, anyway. If I kept moving, I should have come across her sooner or later.

Why do you care, anyway? You let yourself get distracted from your goal. You should leave her be and do what you set out to do.

The silky, sultry voice reared its ugly head. It was beginning.

“Do you even know what my goal is?” I seethed. I could already feel the taste of blood working its way up to my mouth. My stomach started to turn. The consequence of no longer being on that dying planet.

I hobbled forward, afraid of what might come were I to run.

“A healthy body...keeps me happy…” I told myself, almost in a chant. In that instant, the pain was gone. For now.

A healthy body cannot fix an unhealthy mind.

That much was true. I couldn’t keep myself focused on positive thoughts, and for that, I was being punished.

I slammed my fist against the wall as teardrops fell from my face.

“Why does nobody listen to me? Why can’t they see I’m trying to do the right thing?”

We were supposed to stick together. I was going to set aside my selfish desires to help others. I was going to protect everyone, but instead I was alone again.

Just like I wanted to be.

I took a glance at my wrist which held the bracelet and recited its message in my head. Then, I nodded, and ran forward once again.

That’s right: I can still try. I know this can be a dark and dangerous place, but that doesn’t mean it’s too late. I can find her, I can bring her back to Coriander and Velvet. She would be in more capable hands with them.

My heart raced against my pace; if I could catch back up, maybe I could find her in no time at all. But I got lost in my hope that I failed to notice what was in my peripheral vision. I ended up bumping into someone.

“Ow,” he cried out. “Watch where you’re going.

I backed up. Lab coat. I could tell it was someone who worked there.

“Are you lost or something? Why are you running in the halls?”

Did he think I worked here? Maybe I could use that to my advantage…

“I usually work in a different department,” I tried to explain. “I just thought I could take a shortcut and found my way here. Could you tell me where the Perfume Department is?” I tilted my head, smiled, and kept my voice soft.

“The what? There is no Perfume Department. Do you even work here?”

Shit.

“You must be tired. It would please us both if you got a good rest. Wouldn’t you say?” I continued to keep my demeanor calm and pleasant.

“What?” I watched as he reached into his pocket.

He could be pressing a button to send back up. I can’t have that happen. I should murder him. No. He didn’t resort to shooting. He must just be a lowly lab worker. All I can think about is pain. The pain this company has caused me. But I won’t just take it out on anyone. He just needs to take a little nap and forget he ever saw me.

I grabbed his arm.

“I strongly urge you to take a nap. You can’t be a good, hard worker if you’re not at your best,” I hissed in a low whisper, but kept my smile up. “Wouldn’t you say?”

Surges of electricity escaped from my arm and transferred onto his. It was just a quick jolt. Not enough to for him to scream or cry out for help. He fell to the floor. Nary a sound.

I stared down at the passed out figure in front of me and released a powder out from my fist above their head. It sprinkled down and I walked past.

“When you wake up, you won’t remember anything,” I turned my head behind me, as if he could have heard me.

I knew sooner or later, I would find something within the empty halls. I just hoped that whatever it was, it would be one of the things I wished to find and not a horrible outcome.

Finally! One of the doors opened and I slipped in.

It was just a little office, some workstation, a desk. Nothing so “whoa, mega cool!” But at least it was a place I could lay low and sit. In fact, there was a bench right beside the workstation.

I sighed. “I didn’t think I’d ever manage to sit down.”

“Really? That’s all I ever do.”

I turned. Oh, right. There was someone sitting by the workstation. Working on something. I really should have paid better attention.

“Oh hey, there! What’cha working on?” I got up and leaned over. He looked up with a dead expression. He was some guy with scruffy, dark hair.

“Marketing. Allegedly. They said when I was picked for this department that I’d have an important role in the company’s image, but most of the time I just look at emails or sit in on virtual meetings. Often I don’t even do anything in them. I’ll try to propose an idea and then the committee pretends they didn’t hear me and discuss other things.” He sighed with every few words he spoke, as if he was just eternally exhausted. “What are you doing with that wrench, by the way?”

Oh, right. I could’ve put that in my pocket the whole time, but I didn’t. Silly me.

“This?” I brought it up and pointed at it. “I’m the maintenance person. I got a ticket from my boss to work on this office. Now, where’s the leak?”

“Are you really?” Once again, he sounded dead as he spoke, as if he didn’t care what my answer was.

“Yeah, no.”

“Oh. That’s a shame. Could’ve fooled me.”

“Wait, really? Then I totally am!”

He shrugged. “I don’t care, either way. Whether someone shows up in my little room or not makes no difference to me. I’ll still be here, still with the same issues.”

Oh. Damn. I kinda felt bad for the guy. Was I supposed to?

“Yeah, that’s tough, dude. I’m kinda new here, myself.”

“You are, are you? So what does that make you, an intern?”

“Yeah! Totally! I’m going to learn intern things!” I tried to sound enthusiastic, as if I really wanted to be such a thing.

“Good luck with that, miss. I bet they talked you up about how great the company is and how you’ll be making such a big difference.”

“You make it sound like you don’t like it here.”

He shrugged. “It is what it is. They pretty much don’t care what I do, since they don’t care about my input, so I get plenty of time to do whatever I want. Only problem is I don’t really want to do anything most of the time.”

“That’s too bad,” I sat back down and slouched. “I get it, though. To be cooped up in one place all the time. I mean, I guess now that I’m here, it’s not going to be all that different. But still, where I came from before, I don’t think I could have stayed there forever. Sure, I had someone who cared about me and I’ll miss them, but was knowing that enough? So I came here. Because I figured out what I wanted to do.”

“I’m afraid you got duped. Interns almost never move up, and often times they get killed by people thinking they’re playing hero. They’re even lower on the ladder than me, and that’s saying something. Well, that’s not the only reason interns rarely move up, but I think often times, it’s just a matter of chance. Oh, and just a head’s up, the bosses here are pretty evil.”

“So I heard! I even heard rumors that there are people who might want to take out the higher ups and overthrow the whole company,” I realized I might have said too much. “But you know, just a rumor.”

“Eh,” he shrugged. “Wouldn’t be surprised. Happens all the time.”

“But aren’t you worried? It’s your company at stake.”

“My company?” He must’ve been confused. “I don’t own jack. Do you know what the Marketing Department does? You’d think advertising, right? Or spreading the word? But we’re a secret organization. So what do I do, recruit people? No. There’s a department for that, too. I think this is really the ‘Sit In Meaningless Meetings and Act Interested’ Department, but that isn’t a very short name, is it?”

“So what you’re saying is…?”

“I couldn’t care what happens to this shithole. I mean, as long as I have a job, I’ll be here, but that’s it.”

“Yeah, but these people could be dangerous. You might wanna watch out for ‘em. Just sayin’.”

“Look, there’s been many attempts to defeat this company. It has never worked out.”

“But what if they succeed?”

“Cool. I won’t have to work anymore.”

“Damn, that bad? Is there nothing else you like about working here?”

“I mean, the health benefits are fine. Don’t have to pay a thing. Probably a matter of convenience, because they don’t pay us, either. Though it doesn’t include dental.”

“What? They don’t even give you dental?”

“Yeah. Well, we’ve got the best technology in the universe, so there’s that, too. But most of it was stolen, and besides, most of us can’t even access such tech.”

“Aw, but that’s what I was looking forward to the most!” For real. That was the only reason I ran off in the first place, was so I could see some cool stuff.

“Get used to disappointment. This is your home now.”

“You’re telling me…”

There was a few minutes of silence. My stomach growled. He didn’t pay any attention. I thought to speak up to break the silence, but I couldn’t think of anything.

“Say, what made you choose to come here, anyway?”

“It was better than the alternative,” I cleared my throat. “There had been something spreading where I came from that was making a lot of people sick. There were a lot of deaths. Those of us who survived just tried to get on with their lives and adapt with the times. We were telling ourselves ‘this won’t be forever’, and ‘I can’t wait until everything is back to normal’. I admit, I had those thoughts, too. It’s hard to accept a situation, even worse, I started thinking that maybe there would be no ‘back to normal’ and just because I wasn’t catching what others had didn’t mean it wasn’t affecting me.”

He didn’t say anything for a bit, just turned in his chair and faced me.

“I mean! It’s not that bad, though! Now that I’m here, it’s like a new opportunity for me!”

“That was some heavy shit,” then he turned back to face his computer. “Not that I’m not used to it. You kinda learn to just tune out these things. Anyway, I’m a little busy.”

“Is that what you want to be busy with, though? This whole time I’ve been in here, you’ve seemed pretty disinterested.”

“Yeah, well, you don’t always get to choose your department.”

“But what if you did!” I found a burst of positive energy burst out. “You must have joined for a reason! Maybe it was like me, some heavy shit! Or maybe it was something else!”

“Yeah. You’re right. I didn’t start out like this. I wasn’t forced into this or anything, I just wanted to make a difference. All these problems humanity faces and I thought I could help make the world – all of them – a better place. But that’s the thing, isn’t it? They say we exist to improve humanity, but how are we supposed to do that by micromanaging everything to oblivion? Not only that, but who’s ever heard of the ones in power doing anything to help those they oppress? All I see this company doing is amassing more power all while they wonder why things aren’t getting any better.”

“Fuck work, am I right?”

“What? You can’t just say that! I bet they listen in on all our conversations! They’ll probably kill me on the spot!”

“Dude. Duuuude. Dude! You just said all that to me and I bet you’ve been thinking those things for a while, too, right?”

“I mean…”

“They probably think you’re so useless that they don’t care what you think or say because they think you’re too weak to do anything. Right?”

“Uh...when you put it that way…”

“I’m just saying, like, if they don’t care, then why not just say fuck it and do something you’re passionate about? There’s gotta be something.”

“Yeah. I used to have passion for things.”

“Well, sorry, bud, but I’m still passionate about something and I’m going to hold on to that passion.”

“What are you so passionate about?”

“Simple: I wanna find a nurse-like woman with a tough exterior, but soft inside who would be willing to get rough with me.”

He looked at me with a blank expression. I expected him to burst into laughter, but instead, he spoke in an evened tone.

“I think I know someone like that. I hear Dr. Nightingale in the Medical Department is like that. Not that I’ve ever gone, but I just hear things.”

“Great! I think I’ll go there!”

I got up to go to the door.

“Wait. Before you go.”

“Hm?”

“...Graphic design is my passion.”

“Oh, no way! That’s wicked cool! Show me something!” I ran back to his computer. He pulled up an image of a poster with a frog jumping on the screen.

“It’s not advertising anything, but I enjoy it.”

“Hey, it doesn’t have to advertise anything! I’m proud of you for showing me that!”

“Can I show you another one?”

“Sure!”

Next up was a poster of a giraffe surrounded by a field of french fries. I didn’t know what kind of emotion it evoked, but it reminded me how hungry I was.

“Aw, man. My stomach just won’t let up.”

“They should have some snacks at the medical department.”

“Right! Thank you!”

“Yeah, it was nice to have some company for a change, so...yeah. Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it! I like chatting with others!”

“I’m not used to it, myself. I mean, every now and then I’ll get encrypted e-mails from my pen pal over at the Design Department. Sucks that he got the job I would have loved to do, but I also think it’s great, because he’s passionate about it, too! Also he sent me selfies in ASCII art, and let me tell you,” he coughed. “I’d love to meet him in person. He even told me his name, it’s Dr. Oz! We talked about how we might have feelings for each other, it’s –”

I shushed him.

“Say no more!”

“Sorry.

“No! Don’t apologize!” I declared. “Go for it! Get your gay love!”

He smiled.

“Thanks. Say, what’s your doctor name? Mine’s Dr. Phil.”

Oh. I didn’t think this one through, did I? Everyone used doctor names, but I never even took classes at community college! What could I say for myself?

“I’m, er, Dr. Juniper!”

“It was nice to meet you. You get your gay love, too, Dr. Juniper!”

“I better!”

I exited the room and ran off once more.

Still no sign of her. I was at wit’s end. It was only a matter of time until things grew dire and I wasn’t any closer to a conclusion.

I slammed my fist into the wall and yelled. Then, the inevitable happened.

Alarms blared.

“Oh, come ON! You didn’t go off when I knocked that guy out!” I was fuming. I mean, it was bound to happen eventually, but I really wish it didn’t have to. I stood in place to weigh my options, though considering my mental and physical state, it would be very tough not to get violent if they send soldiers to my location.

“Let’s see...if I kill them all, that would solve my problem rather fast, plus it would satisfy the bloodlust, but if I don’t, they’ll probably kill me…to be honest, I’m not too fond of killing anyone, but...these are the people who have caused me so much pain and I could take out a lot of my anger on whatever soldiers they send...but it would also leave a lot of bodies...which would only make them send more…”

That was how it was now, wasn’t it? There must have been a time when I didn’t have to think so hard about all the options, but now, even with my enemy, I had too many doubts.

Before long, they had arrived and I was surrounded. Black garbed soldiers, gas-masked helmets. Heavy artillery weapons. I drew a breath. They all opened fire.

Shadowed thorns shot out from my back. At first, they shielded me on all ends, and, as the soldiers reloaded, they shot forth and changed their tips to scythe-like blades. Each thorn chopped off the hands of the soldiers and broke their weapons in half. Then, they went for the head.

All the while, I stood still.

Four soldiers on each end, eight in total, were on the floor, decapitated. Lifeless dolls.

“This won’t do,” I shook my head and muttered. “Maybe if you had let me talk this out, you all wouldn’t be in this position.”

I knelt down and held the helmeted head of one of them by the chin. “I really didn’t want to do this. I don’t even feel pleasure from it. But I’m not ready to die here.”

That alarm was still going off. If I didn’t do something about it, more would be sent my way, and then a pile of corpses would prevent me from venturing any further.

I reached into the pocket of one of the soldiers, pulled out a radio. On it, a button flashed, with the word ‘alarm’ printed above it. I clicked it and spoke.

“We took care of the disturbance in the area,” I imitated the voice of the soldier, something which even though it was in the realm of my abilities, was nonetheless difficult with the burning in my throat. The metallic taste, it was on my tongue.

“Good job. I’ll turn off the alarm at once.”

“Thank you.”

It stopped blaring. Thank goodness. I pocketed the radio, then I went to another soldier and grabbed another. If I found Velvet and/or Coriander, I could give them one so at the very least, we could keep in touch.

Now what to do about those bodies? If someone comes by and sees the mess, it will just repeat the whole process over again.

Simple.

I clapped my hands. Shadows fell across each corpse and encompassed their form before dragging them against the walls and dissolving them. Rather than become liquid, they all turned to shadow. Once those shadows faded, it hit.

I covered my mouth, yet it still forced its way out of me, getting all over my hands.

I ran into the nearest room. It would have been locked, but I needed to get in to feel better. Inside, it was empty. If I needed it to be empty, it would be. In fact, it was a restroom.

I coughed up the contents into the sink. It spilled forth until the sink was clogged up with the thick, red liquid. I turned on the faucet, watched it all wash down the drain. Some traces remained on the rims of the sink. Seemed I couldn’t get rid of it all. Alas, I should have known.

After I washed my hands and wiped my mouth, I left the room. There was still much work to do and even as my body continued to punish me, I would continue forward.

Let’s see: we’ve encountered nothing and no one had tried to stop us. In fact, we encountered no one as well. Did it bode well? Unwell?

“Hm...should I say the ‘too quiet’ line?” I wondered aloud.

“No,” Coriander stopped me. “Because we have nothing to worry about.”

Wow, she sounded rather confident. More than usual. She was usually all “assess the reality of the situation! You’re going in blind, you idiot!”

“Don’t we got a ton to worry about? Aren’t you going to tell me how we got no plan, no idea where we’re going, and no weapons?”

She laughed. “Look at you, the great and mighty Velvet! For once it seems you need me!”

“Actually, yes.”

“WHAT?! WHAT’S WITH THAT ‘ACTUALLY’?!”

She regained composure. “Anyway, as I was saying,” she grabbed that little cube thing that was her workstation from out of her pocket. “Behold!”

She clicked.

...Nothing happened.

“Huh? That’s not right.”

She clicked again. I looked down at it.

“It should work! I know it should work!”

Her triumphant demeanor faded to one of frustration.

“No! I can’t be powerless! Not like this! Come on!”

I checked my phone. Not only no signal, but no power as well. I didn’t expect a signal. As for me keeping a phone, not to worry; it was a burner from years ago. It would never have service on it, anyway.

“There’s no power.”

“What?!” She looked at me.

“Our devices have no power here.”

“What then? How is the enemy able to use electronics?”

I shook my head. “I don’t know. They’re either using a different energy source, or they generate their power inside. That’s my only guess right now until I can figure out more.”

“I don’t want to be useless...I’m nothing…” she started muttering, her demeanor dropped. “If I can’t build...if I can’t prove myself…”

I placed my hand on her shoulder. “Let me correct you: we have nothing right now, but we are not nothing.”

“Not you, me,” she thought she was correcting me.

“You don’t have to prove a thing to me! I know you’re not useless, you’re not nothing! And before you say it, no! You aren’t a burden!” I took her hand and put it on my chest. “And neither am I, so forget about all that negativity! We’re going to work together, we’ll protect each other, and we’ll both be badass!”

I took a deep breath. My voice shook the whole way through. I was so afraid of her emotions running too high. That if she were to have a breakdown, it would start up again. But there was nothing. Instead, she smiled.

“You’re right. It’s just that ever since this morning…”

She leaned in closer and broke down.

“I’ve been feeling strange. Like, I really feel better than this. But it’s so loud, and different from before.”

“How?”

“I want to be happy, but it doesn’t feel like I can. It’s not what you think – I’m not afraid of what would happen if I was, rather it feels like it’s missing.”

I wasn’t sure if that was better or worse for her, but there was something else.

“You said the word.”

“Oh fuck. I did?”

She looked around. “I’m fine.”

She blinked, another pause, and then reached over for a tight hug.

“I’m fine,” she cried. “But I’m not. I’m scared. It’s like deep down, I’m so glad to be okay and not alone, but it’s so loud. Deep down, I know I can still be. I think it will just take some time before I can still express myself fully.”

I nodded. I didn’t understand, but I think she was more aware of herself than she used to be. So, in a way, it felt like I knew, too.

“It will take some time, but I know you’ll get there.”

She let go and nodded as well.

“I’m still going to make your life a living hell,” she grinned. Wow, she recovered fast.

“See? You have a use after all.”

“Hey! Just for that I’m going to bite your neck later!” She shot back.

Then, an alarm sounded. Flashing red lights illuminated the halls where we stood.

“Crap! Were we spotted?” I cried out.

“How the hell should I know? I was lost in the moment! This is your fault!”

I looked around. There had to be some place for us to go. Near us were a couple of doors. Both of which looked to be the type to require key cards.

“Got anything to hack a door?” I asked.

“No! Isn’t that your thing?” I looked around. No vents. If there were, I could’ve told her to crawl into one of those while I ran off. That would have at least bought her some time. Hmm...the ceiling? I couldn’t see a ceiling. It just looked like a big, black, nothing. I was sure there was one, otherwise we’d be suffocating in the vastness of space (or the vastness of a space between spaces?) but it must have been so tall that it was out of view.

“I got it: we run.”

“They’ll kill us both if they catch us, moron!” She shouted.

“’Til death do us part, right?”

“I didn’t think you meant we were literally going to die!”

We ran, though, and as luck would have us, we found a bathroom.

“Well, thank goodness a place like this has public restrooms!” I rejoiced.

“Is that really such a good place to hide?”

“Pick a stall and hide in it!”

We hid and heard the running of what must have been guards or soldiers or something pass us by. After we could no longer hear the sound of movement, I lifted my head up above the stall and saw nothing.

“They’re gone.”

“Psst, Velvet. I wanna do something reckless,” Coriander emerged from her hiding stall and whispered.

“What? Isn’t that what I should be saying to you?”

“I wanna follow those guards.”

“Really? I’d have just bolted in the opposite direction, so I guess even I’m not that reckless.”

She shook her head. “They ignored the bathroom. I bet if they were really surveying the area as a whole for intruders, they would have looked in here.”

It clicked.

“I get it. They’re only interested in one place. So if we follow their trail…”

She nodded. “Worse comes to worst, we’ll just use one of the guards as a human shield, then steal their uniform or armor.”

I burst into laughter. “Just like old times!’

We walked, not ran, in the direction that the guards went. I imagined they were all some super tough mercenary types. Or, they could have been like the Prinnies. Either way, we had to be careful.

“When we come across one,” I turned my head to her. “We’ll both jump them at once, that way they’ll be sure to go down. Got it?”

“Yeah, and then we loot them while they’re down. I bet they got keycards on them and have special permissions to get into certain rooms. So we’ll find a room with a buncha hardware that I can take apart and repurpose, then I’ll be ready to take on anyone!”

Whether things would work out that way or not, I was glad she had some motivation again.

“Yeah, and I bet I could probably find some software and run a buncha malicious bugs throughout the headquarters,” I added. Then, we bumped into someone.

“Aaa!” We scrambled. “We’ll kill you! We’ll beat you senseless!” Coriander yelled and got into fighting position.

“No! It’s just me!” We looked up at who we bumped into. It was just Verse. “Please, I’m fragile!”

“Finally! Glad we found you, now we can get back to working as a group!” I snapped my fingers and smile.

“I still think I should be allowed to get one punch in. Just one,” Coriander growled.

I ignored Coriander’s remark for the moment.

“So did you see those guards?”

She shook her head. “They must have gone in a different direction.”

I let out a sigh of relief and laughed. “Thank goodness! You’d have been no good in a situation like that! You couldn’t even hurt a fly!”

“Indeed…” She looked away and muttered. “Did you...er...did you see Juniper anywhere?”

“Oh crap! No!” I totally forgot about her. Well, to be honest, I forgot about Verse, too. “You think the guards killed her?”

I shouldn’t have said that out loud. I expected her to snap. I think I would’ve been distressed to have something suggested like that to me, as well.

“Let’s hope not,” was all she said instead. “This is a dangerous place.”

“Yeah!” Coriander jumped in. “So enough funny business!”

“Velvet,” she looked down at me. “Hold out your hand.”

“Oh wow. Um. Just so you know, I kind of have a thing going here with Cori...and...er...um…”

“Quit it! Just do it!”

I looked away and cupped my hands together. I felt like some beggar kid asking for some coin or bread. What dropped in my hand was a small device.

“A radio?” I looked puzzled. “I mean, it’s better than nothing. Where’d you get it, anyway?”

“I found it. On the ground.” There she went again, being so suspicious and vague.

“Maybe it’s better if I don’t ask…”

“I wasn’t lying when I said I was fragile. But I’m not harmless, either.”

“Wait! That means!” I just pieced it together. Why was I so slow when it came to her? “You DID come across those guards, and you even held your own, didn’t you?”

She nodded. “But let’s not go into details. Keep that radio on you, that way we can keep in contact.”

“What do you mean? You’re just leaving again?!”

“Indeed.”

“See?! This is why we can’t trust you!” Coriander shoved past me and pointed at Verse. “I’ve lived with Velvet long enough to know when someone’s hiding things! If you can’t be honest, why should either of us take you at face value?”

Where was this anger coming from?

“You better tell us, no, you better tell ME why you can’t stay with us!”

“I have to find her,” Verse replied.

“Big deal! We could look for her as a group! Didn’t you say it would be easier to keep us all safe that way?”

“Now that she’s run off, she could be anywhere. I have to find her before she runs into something she shouldn’t. This is something only I can do, but I promise, I’ll return to help you if I can.”

“If? What would prevent you?”

“I don’t know yet. But as I said before, this place is worse than somewhere that you could die in. They could still use your body, experiment on you. I don’t want it to come to that. I’m afraid for her. Don’t you realize there was a reason I didn’t want to bring anyone here?”

“Okay. Fine. I’ll take it for now. Go.”

Coriander still seemed pissed, for reasons I wasn’t really sure of. To think I could read her so well.

Just as Verse walked away, Coriander stomped up to her again. She grabbed Verse’s sleeve and yanked her down. “One last thing before I let you go,” Coriander fumed under muffled breaths. “You’re going to look me in the eye and answer me one last thing.”

“Why do you feel so entitled to my answer?” Verse replied. I was pretty sure I had no place getting involved. I’d walk away if I could, but given where I was…

“You really do have something to do with Etna, don’t you?”

I froze.

“I assure you, I’m human.”

“Don’t evade the question!” She tugged tighter. “Velvet was right to suspect something when we first met you, didn’t she?”

“I –”

“Don’t play dumb! Just answer. Yes? Or no?”

“Yes.”

My heart pounded, my eyes widened. “Y-yes?”

So all this time were we hanging out with the enemy? Was everything just an act? No. I didn’t need to have so many doubts. I already knew she was putting on a face half of the time, but I thought I saw the real her that night when she got drunk. I thought she really was someone well-meaning.

“But so does she. That’s why I wanted to prevent her from being here.”

“So that means you knew her before, then, too?”

“Different versions, yes. It’s better to think we don’t know each other. She deserves a better life. That’s why I need to find her and bring her back to you guys. She’ll be safer with the likes of you two.”

Coriander let go. “Very well.”

Verse stood back up and wiped off her sleeve.

“Wait!” I called for her. “I have a question as well.”

“Hm?” Verse faced me.

“If you knew Juniper before, then what was she to you?”

“Just an innocent life who happened to pass by.”

“I understand. Good luck, okay?” Good luck? What was I saying? She could have been evil, just like Etna. “I mean, get good!”

Coriander nudged me.

“What was that for?”

“Really? ‘Get good’?”

I shrugged as I continued to watch the one who called herself Verse fade from view. “I don’t think she’s evil, even if she doesn’t think she’s very good.”

“I never said she was evil, I’m just questioning your choice of parting words. What do you think this is, a video game?”

I didn’t have a rebuttal. We continued on, but Coriander turned to me.

“You should have went with your gut.”

“What?”

“You had the right idea when you thought she was Etna.”

“But she isn’t, is she?”

“I think it’s a good-twin, evil-twin thing.”

“How did you even know she might be related?”

“I had my suspicions, but I had little evidence to go off of besides looks and I already knew you decided the two weren’t related by looks alone, so you dismissed the whole thing. Then, this morning pretty much confirmed it.”

“What do you mean?”

“When she said she wanted to help me, then I fell and started to feel empty, that wasn’t a dream.”

“I thought –”

“I know. It’s not that it hurt, it’s that she wasn’t honest about it. That’s what gets me. Like I said, I don’t know what she did or how she did it, and I don’t think she had evil intentions, but it was similar to the types of things Etna could do.”

“Is that all?” It wasn’t that I doubted her reasoning, rather, it still seemed loose at best. Too easily explainable.

“There’s something else: I remember from my past life as Mavis, right before I passed through that elevator, there was something Etna said. She probably thought it would go unnoticed. She said that she thought she saw her other half or something, but that it was probably just an illusion and her other half may never show up in this universe. It would be real fucking convenient if I forgot all about that, but I didn’t.”

“Wow. You remembered that little detail? You must have a terrific memory.”

She shook her head. “The only reason I remembered the discussion with Etna before I became a new person was because she allowed me to remember. I think her reasoning was that remembering such painful things would torture me. Even when she seems her nicest, she’s really a fan of the illusion of mercy over anything else.”

“But you managed to make it through all that and you’re a better person in spite of her trickery,” I reassured her.

“I already know that, you idiot.”

“So ‘Verse’, or whoever she might be, is her ‘other half’?”

“I don’t know the details, obviously. Don’t you know Etna used to be human?”

She made it sound like such an obvious fact. I knew all those things about the angel and the outbreak and there she was, finding a way to one-up me.

“Well, she’s an AI, so that’s a little facetious. More, her appearance was based on someone who was human. Apparently her personality was, too, but I think only initially. I think she developed a personality of her own.”

“Ah, classic rogue AI stories.”

“The things I know for sure, I only learned from memories of my past life when I would dig things up in secret at Area 51. The things I pieced together just now was built on a hunch, but she admitted it, so no longer just a hunch.”

“See? How can you think you’re useless when you figured all that out? I couldn’t even figure that out.”

“You’re right, but I still don’t know what we’re going to do going forward.”

“Neither do, but I’ll just do what I always do and improvise!” I gave a thumbs up and winked.

“Hell yeah! We’re going to kick some ass!”

There were still many things I didn’t understand, like what Juniper had to do with everything.

I thought she was just any other person, although much kinder than I could ever hope to be. She’s normal, though, isn’t she? She’s ordinary. She’s innocent.

I decided to leave things be, as in the end, Coriander and I still had our mission. There may be more secrets about Verse yet, but I at least trusted that she was sincere when she said she wished to protect Juniper.

Medical Department. That was my destination.

...If only I thought to ask where that was! Ugh! I could already imagine how it would go if I returned to his office, though:

“Hey Dr. Phil, where’s the Medical Department?”

“You’re on your own. Here’s your L.”

Yeah, no. I couldn’t go back and ask for directions. It couldn’t be too hard, anyway, right? Besides, maybe I could find some other cool places to check out along the way.

That was the spirit! All I had to do was keep that in mind and everything would go A-OK!

Not even too long after walking down the halls, I stumbled upon a large set of lab doors with the title over it ‘Morale Research’.

“Huh. That sounds interesting.”

Not only that, but the door was open just a crack. That was all the permission I needed to enter. Still, I tried to be quiet about it. I opened the door a little wider, squeezed in, then closed it, but not all the way, to give off the impression that it was just how whoever left it as.

Inside, I was amazed by all the gadgets and devices. There was a large screen on the far end of the wall to my right, though it was turned off. There were all these things on the ceiling, as well.

“Whoa!” I exclaimed. “Wonder what all this was used for.”

As cool as it all was, it looked old. Not outdated, just like it had all been used before, but not in a long time.

“Curious? I could tell you, if you want,” came the voice of a man.

I turned around to see who entered: a somewhat paper thin man of average height who donned a tuxedo and monocle, but if I had to guess, he was probably only in his 20s or 30s. Then again, if he worked here, it was hard to tell what constituted age, anyway. His hair was a slicked back brown, and he smiled and kept his eyes closed.

I wondered if I could talk my way out like I did with Dr. Phil, but it may not have been so easy.

“Is that really okay? This isn’t my department and I know they like everyone to stick to their own departments and I just got distracted so sorry I think I should go and –”

“Nonsense,” he sounded warm and pleasant. Maybe most members of The Flashbulb weren’t so bad. “I never was much for those rules. Besides, this department was recently shut down after it failed to give the intended results.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. What was wrong about it?”

He walked over to one of the devices in the room and pat it. “This here was a generator, used to give life to the electronics here. The intended purpose of this department was really one of the more simpler ones: just a desire to improve the overall mental wellbeing of humanity. But there were some missteps along the way. Its leader lacked proper care for humanity, something which we didn’t expect. Her methods were a little...forceful, you could say.”

“Well-intentioned, but bad methods?”

“You could say that. Or maybe the methods were fine, but the lack of aftercare was atrocious. Still, the damage was done, and although I was disappointed with the situation, it wasn’t my department, and the overseers of the project ceased to exist.” He ran his finger through the generator. “That is why you and I are able to be here despite not belonging to this department.”

“Do you think it could have worked with more humane methods?” I wondered.

He stood up and grinned. “Of course I do!”

“So maybe…” I put a finger on my chin. “Someone could take what they learned on what went wrong and create something better that actually helps people.”

He clapped his hands. “I’m so glad you agree, Juniper!”

“I...what…” How? I didn’t tell him my name.

I jolted and took a step back, a nerve having been struck. Although I couldn’t place why, I felt a sudden feeling of being on edge.

“Such a shame the other one didn’t show up. I was hoping we could start over and just adjust things slightly. Ah, well. Maybe it’s for the best.”

“What are you talking about?” I spat. “I don’t even know you! How do you even know my name?”

“Ah, you see, this is your first time meeting me, but I’ve met you several times over. Although I had always been an observer, I’ve seen the potential you possess! You can provide the care humanity needs, as the ruler of the revamped Morale Department. You may be lacking in intelligence, but that’s only a minor detail. Intelligence can be programmed. It’s the personality that matters most.”

“Are you crazy?! I was just curious about this room! I don’t want to be some ruler of humanity!”

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a stick, which he then expanded until it became more like a steel rod.

“Don’t worry, you will,” he walked toward me. I started to back away, but I didn’t see where I was going, and soon found myself against a wall. “Once I kill you and transfer your consciousness to the AI.”

I watched as he raised the rod over his head and I knew he was about to swing down. I should have fought back or something, but I was too scared, and instead held my arms over my head to try to protect myself. As he swung, I started to think that my arms wouldn’t protect me and it really would be the end. After everything, I just had to let my curiosity get the better of me, and now I was too afraid to act.

Instead, I heard him grunt.

I uncovered my arms and opened my eyes to see a familiar figure in front of me with her legs bent and blocking the rod with her hand. It looked different, however, like her fingers had become talons.

“What were you doing here?!” I heard her yell at me.

I was at a loss for words. I fell to the floor, in shock.

“Never mind that, you should go! This place isn’t for you!”

It looked like she was still struggling against the rod.

“Just in time,” he laughed. “How poetic. Once again, you come here to defend that which you love.”

She pushed forward and got him to drop the rod from his hand. He too was pushed back, and soon, she stood up.

“Verse? Is that you?”

She ignored me.

“Love? You think this is about love? I’ve thrown that away long ago!” Her hair changed to a crimson red and her skin grew more tan, like it was burning up. “This is about protecting the innocent!”

I didn’t understand what was going on at all, and I knew it was dangerous, but for whatever reason, I couldn’t bring myself to move. All I could do was watch the scene unfold between the two and wonder how I factored into all this.

#happiness overload #dramedy #scifi #horror #stories #fiction #yeah im kind of just embracing the dramedy label now #action #badass #juniper #etna #morale #cliffhanger #hopefully the end of this chapter is a good spot to end on #it did get pretty long #and the next chapter follows right after

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ingayderzim · 4 years

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not to be that person who asks a googleable question but wtf is hazbin hotel bc i googled it and the only “critical” thing i could find was a typo-ridden article of someone saying it has good animation and its haters are stupid. i was able to glean what it is/what it’s about but idk about the discourse lmao

Im actually so glad u asked this. Here's the lowdown, this is my definitive answer to hazbin shit from here on out, unless new info comes about of course.

Hazbin hotel is an independent cartoon by vivziepop. Most people (that ive seen) have agreed that the pilot of the show really isnt that great but the reason it has so many fans is bc of the entertaining livestreams, massive amounts of canon content produced (she has had these characters for years), unique art style, and the characters. (Ass ugly but unique.)

Its haters are totally justified bc of some of the "controversial" (read: bad) things vivziepop has done. Here's the conclusion that my friends and classmates (several of whom are Black, one Hispanic woman, and one trans woman...nellie if ur reading this i 💜 u) and i came to after discussing this stuff. I am NOT saying "well my black/trans friend said it's ok so i dont have to think about it!" this is based on a few different conversations that my friends and i have had about this topic so what im saying is that my opinion was formed by talking about this situation with multiple people affected by the controversy.

One controversial thing is a drawing u can easily find on google (called beastiality.jpg i believe?) It's a cropped (chest and up, but hes obv naked) drawing of vivziepops character, drawn by vivziepop, moaning, with a snake around him. The character is 17. Many people have interpreted this as child porn. I dont think this image is pornographic, i think it's a stupid joke (it was even tagged as a joke iirc) and completely inappropriate but since it's 8 years old on top of not being porn, i think it's just an example of a dumb drawing. That being said, i would NEVER argue that someone who is uncomfortable w the drawing (im uncomfortable with it! It's gross just not porn) or considers it porn is wrong. They are entitled to that opinion and i would never expose them to vivziepops work or talk about her stuff around them if they expressed to me that they disliked the image.

Another thing is that she drew a doodle of two racist TERFs. This is the one where my friends of color, my friends who are black, and my friends who are trans women took the lead. I sat back for this part and here's their and my opinion on this after talking about it and verbally going through this whole situation.

She was following these women (who had done blackface and stuff) and drew art of them. The art was a "quick doodle" that she did apologize for and she said she didn't realize the extent of their beliefs. She knew they werent great but hadnt consumed much of their content in depth. I believe her bc while ive never followed anyone as bad, ive certainly followed some pieces of shit and didnt notice for months simply bc im not online all the time and bc of the volume of people i follow, combined with the non chronological algorithms lately.

At the risk of screwing myself, im going to admit that there was about a year or so of my life where i enjoyed The Amazing Atheist. I was even subbed to him. I was a nonbinary lesbian (2 things he cant stand lmaoo) in catholic school and therefore i strictly watched his videos about theological stuff since thats what was frustrating me at the time. I had no clue the type of evil racist, transphobic, homophobic (yes ik hes bi), misogynistic things he thought, said, and did, bc i didnt watch those videos. I literally only watched select theological ones that could be of use to me while edgily debating my teachers (sorry mrs macdougal but u had it coming). I was about 15 at the time and im 19 now. Im sorry to everyone i hurt by ever having supported him. I had one of his quotes written in the inside of my religion notebook in high school. I regretted it and ripped the page out the moment i discovered the truth about him. I cant stress enough how much I HATE HIM. Thats an example of what i think happened here tho.

One of my friends who is a trans woman said (paraphrasing) "i think the worst thing shes done is that terf art but i believe the apology especially bc it was a quick drawing."

That being said, i would NEVER argue with someone who wanted nothing to do w vivziepop bc of this. That's their right. 100%. I would never expose them to her work after that.

The last thing i remember is something about a pedophilic couple in a comic but i heard it was a 17 year old and a 19 year old. Im 19 and if one of my peers did that i wouldnt say pedophile but id say ur a fucking weirdo, BUT, the kids were fake and being written by an adult so i can totally see her thinking that age gap is much less of a big deal than it really is. Like she forgot what it's like at this age. Idk how true any of that part is tho, i heard that info entirely secondhand.

Another thing to do with racism is that there's a joke within the show where one character says to the other

"don't get your taco in a twist"

"Was that supposed to be racist or sexist?"

"Whichever one pisses you off more"

I thought that was gross but one of my friends pointed out that vivziepop is of el salvadorian descent so that's her business. Like if i made a lesbian joke of equal or greater offensiveness than that and someone tried to call me lesbophobic over it id be like "that's literally my territory."

Oh speaking of which that character's name is vaggie and shes a lesbian but it's not pronounced w the same G you'd hear in "vagina." Vivziepop seems to name characters weirdly (like how in helluva boss theres a guy named blitzo and the o is silent) so maybe it's a pussy joke but i have no idea.

The animation was.................better than i could do, i wanna say the faces and gestures were good but god i remember there was a part with a car and my gf had to pause so i could laugh my ass off at it. I wouldn't describe the animation as a highlight but i liked the style in motion i thought it was a fun change. Vivziepops style is not appealing imo but i appreciate it as an art student and as someone whose friends all like she ra and steven universe where every character looks the goddamn motherfucking same, and while its chaotic and i dont care for it, the style actually works way better in motion than you'd think.

A good rule that i def use is to assume hazbin fans are guilty until proven innocent. If someone says they dont care about the discourse surrounding it and like it no matter what, RUN! They would support the show even if the creator was in fact a pedophile, or had done the blackface/was a terf herself! They probably support some horrible ppl and are probably "anti antis." A lot of them are minors tho so i'd say block and move on.

So, do i like it or not? Im an art student and all my friends like it so while i didnt think it was funny, i do fuck with it. At the convention this weekend my friends and i had a convo that led to me drawing an ahego hoodie where the faces were angel dust (a character's) face. It was a joke that i could make a killing by selling that in a booth at a con.

Theres really nothing compelling about the show but my friends like it so i join in on their conversations, and i do have a soft spot for angel dust bc he's like a worse, less amazing and gorgeous version of one of my characters, Candy, the love of my life.

A lot of people say the show was edgy/offensive and maybe im just desensitized but besides the taco thing i didnt pick up on that whatsoever??? The Archer episode "Swiss Miss" is worse than helluva boss and hazbin combined and even archer isn't offensive.

Im probably not aware of all the "discourse" (aka people being reasonably uncomfortable by weird and bad shit this random woman has done, and other ppl saying their opinions are wrong when it's literally just an opinion about a show) so if anything she's done isnt included in here it's not to defend vivziepop, this is genuinely all i know. I wouldnt describe myself as a fan of hers.

#hazbin hotel #anon

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puppyluver256 · 5 years

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Underworld Ultimatum: The Quest for the Hottest Hades

So I mentioned in a previous big text post that I have some Very Strong Opinions on the interpretation of Greek god Hades shown in Disney’s Hercules film, and now I’m gonna talk about those opinions dammit! But let’s make it a little interesting. I always believe that if you can’t say something nice you shouldn’t say anything at all, so I’m also going to use this as an opportunity to talk about a Hades that I do enjoy. It’s a competition, babey! The Underworld Ultimatum! Or, if you’re preferring to reference a property one of these guys is in, the Hades Cup! (though to be fair this is less of a true competition and more of me showing why I like one and not the other)

First off, it’s the guy who inspired this, give it up foooor...

Disney’s Hades!

First of all, the guy’s design might’ve seemed cool back in the day, but looking back on him he’s kinda bland. Grey toga with accents of other greys, blue deathly pallor, nasty teeth... The flame hair is a pretty good concept, but considering the ancient Greek idea of the underworld probably wasn’t fire-themed I don’t know if it was an appropriate choice. ❌

Speaking of that flame hair, he commits the crime of “blue fire is totally cooler than red fire you guys what is physics?” nonsense. Anyone who puts even the tiniest bit of research in knows that, disregarding chemical compounds that affect flame color, blue flames are hotter than red/orange/yellow flames. Yeah, from an artistic perspective it seems counterintuitive, and blue flames work better with his standard palette, but even with that in consideration they couldn’t’ve made it so his flames turned white when he got angry rather than orange? Lazy... ❌

This is a problem with the Hercules film overall, but this feels like a christianized take on the ancient Grecian pantheon, with a much less horny Zeus in the place of the christian god and Hercules as sort of a Jesus figure. In line with this, Hades is portrayed as an equivalent to Satan and thus is shown to be undeniably evil. This is inaccurate to the actual mythology of Hades, where (and someone with a better scope of Greek mythology can either back me up or refute me on this) he was just a dude who ran the underworld and had no real malicious intent. But of course, a character is themed around death, they have to be a completely irredeemable villain. ❌

AND continuing the villain thing! He ugly, at least according to western society standards and especially compared to the hero and leading lady who are conventionally attractive by those same standards. This is continuing a long Disney tradition that a villain should be ugly. He’s evil, thus he doesn’t get to visit the dentist. ❌

His goals are basically just the same as every other villain, take over the world with some big strong brutes that are locked away by a supposedly benevolent horndog. Well, specifically Olympus, but considering that’s where the gods live and his brief rule subjugates the GODS, if he’d been in the head for longer he’d basically rule the world. Boring, bland, think of something else for once. Or at least have a good reason other than “I’m the villain, world domination for me!” ❌

There’s no real satisfying tension between him as a villain and the hero! His initial direct action against Hercules happens when he’s an infant (speaking of, dude actively tries to kill an infant), and then the next direct interaction between them is like nearly 20 years later and Herc has no knowledge of who this guy is and how big of a threat he’s been this whole time. Call me crazy, but I feel a villain is more effective when the protag is aware of the threat they pose for longer than just “oh he showed up today and apparently he’s been trying to kill me since I was a baby and now he’s got my girl??? guess he’s a bad guy” ❌

Following this point, there’s no satisfying confrontation between Hades and Herc that works to finish off the conflict between them. The major battle that Herc has against him is mainly against the titans, and iirc the only thing that he does to him in the “grabbing Meg’s soul from the soul pool brb” section is punch him in the face. I don’t remember any direct action that Herc does to cause Hades to fall into his soul pool. ❌

He’s voiced by James Woods, who is a major jerk. I’m not going into detail here as this is already long-winded enough, and Google is free. ❌

He’s got Cerberus, as any good interpretation of Hades should. That’s a plus! ✅ Though this Cerberus seems to be based on the “generic mean dog breed” aesthetic, and also I hated fighting this guy in Kingdom Hearts (the original, not the final mix with updated controls, OOF), which leads me toooo...

The guy THEN proceeds to smear his presence all over nearly every Kingdom Hearts game! Like, you’re not needed! Get out! Leave some room for better Disney villains!!! ❌

So nine bads, one good, and that “good” only comes from me liking dogs.

Next up, we have a more recent contender to the Hades mythos in modern media. Showing up outta nowhere in the first entry into a classic series for 21 years, let’s bring our hands together fooooor...

Kid Icarus Uprising’s Hades!

First off...look at this man. Look at this man! Hell yeah that is my aesthetic! Look at all the chaotic colors, the wild anime-esque hair, aaaaa! Amazing design! I would ask someone to get me the name of Uprising’s character designer so I can shake their hand and tell ‘em they did a wonderful job on the Hades look, but they’re probably Japanese and I don’t know a lick of it. Maybe someone at NoA could pass on my compliments... ✅

He does have a flame head form at some point with blue flames, but it doesn’t become red to show his anger so there’s no more of a violation of physics then the rest of his insides are. ✅ And that’s the real problem I have with Disney’s Hades for this particular point, if you’re going to violate physics at least have some damn fun with it instead of just thinking that cooler fire is hotter just because it’s made of warmer colors.

While this Hades is also irredeemably evil, there’s no weird christ-washing of Greek mythology going on here, because the Japanese generally don’t do that sort of thing when throwing a bunch of other culture’s mythologies together. Sure, Kid Icarus includes a lot of Greek mythology elements (Medusa, Thanatos, Pandora, arguably Palutena being based on Athena, among others), but it also incorporates a lot of original elements, such as the Forces of Nature who are not based on any specific Greek gods, the Chaos Kin, the Aurum, freaking space pirates?! And in regards to the Aurum, this Hades is able to put differences aside in order to help the other factions around at the time defeat the Aurum so there’s that! ...though he’s not exactly the best team player, hehehe... ✅

While he does show up out of nowhere after the defeat of the initially perceived villain, Medusa, once he debuts Hades is a constant presence. He’s almost always poking his head into the dialogue to taunt Pit, make some quip or joke, flirt with a female character, give a dastardly threat. Everyone’s always aware of exactly what kind of threat he poses! Good villain writing! ✅

But yeah, speaking of that, he does do the whole “initial villain wasn’t the real villain SURPRISE BITCH” thing that I’m not that fond of. Call it lingering resentment from Twilight Princess where Zant was basically thrown away in favor of bringing Ganondorf back. ❌

This Hades also doesn’t seem to have a Cerberus. Twinbellows is a Thing, yes, but they never show up in the same instance in time. The real Twinbellows is dealt with in the first chapter of Uprising, and the fake version of Twinbellows that shows up in chapter 9 is dealt with LONG before Hades reveals himself. ❌

His goal is to use the souls of everyone and everything that’s died to increase the ranks of his army and in the process throw off the natural order of things, which honestly makes sense as a goal for a malevolent death god. It’s helped by the fact that there’s really no one “good” faction in this game, everyone has their own self interests and Palutena’s just the one that’s most kind to humanity and Pit, who is the protag we experience the game’s events through and thus passes on a little of his bias. ✅

Oh, you want satisfying hero/villain confrontation? The boss battle against him takes up a whole chapter and oooohhhh boy is it a good’un. Do yourself a favor and look up the battle on YouTube, or to avoid a lot of spoilers and gain a lot of context, do yourself an even bigger favor and look up Chuggaconroy’s whole Uprising playthrough. The man goes into detail about everything of this game, not just its characters and basic gameplay. ✅

He eats Pit at one point, and then that whole chapter takes place in his innards. Ew. Gross. ❌

He’s voiced by S. Scott Bollock in the English dub and Hōchū Ōtsuka in the Japanese original. I don’t know whether either of ‘em are jerks, but I doubt they’re as bad as James Woods soooooo... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Setting aside cameos like being a spirit in Smash Ultimate, this Hades has only had a significant appearance in a single piece of media. Even though it’s a tad bittersweet, he doesn’t overstay his welcome, unlike another Hades. ✅

That’s 7 goods, 3 bads, and a shrug. The winner is clear! KI Hades is the victor! Or at least it’s obvious that I prefer him over the Disney version. Rant over, thanks for sticking through my ramblin’ goofballery. It was fun at least, right? I had fun. :D

#disney #disney hercules #disney hades #kid icarus #ki hades #jess discusses character stuff #and how differently two different sets of people can interpret the same core concepts

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lostgirlrewatch · 4 years

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1x05 - Dead Lucky

Written by: Emily Andras

Directed by: John Fawcett

Original Air Date: October 17, 2010

It’s Emily Andras’s first episode, and it’s good. Bo gets solicited (kidnapped) for a job by some Dark Fae. They want her to find some guy who cheated at gambling and walked away with their money. Meanwhile, Dyson continues to be gross, the overarching plot progresses, and Kenzi is still the best character.

Bo and Dyson set boundaries for their new friends-with-benefits arrangement. What’s sad is that one of Bo’s rules actually has to be, “I get to take whatever cases I want.” As if she needs his permission.

His response? “As long as you tell me what cases you do take.” Gross, Dyson. Why the need to know her business? Creepy over-protectiveness? I mean, I’m sure cleaning up after Bo’s mistakes is annoying, but I doubt it’s just a professional interest.

“Sorry about your, uh...”

“Get in the van.”

“...nuts.”

Man, the cringey puns in this show…*stiff laughter* I sure missed them…

Ooh…this is Emily Andras’s first episode! We’ll be seeing a lot more of her name in the credits as the series goes on…the mark she left on the show is indelible, and her influence cannot be understated.

“Mama’s too tired to chat. Oh, but could you call Dyson and tell him I’d love to talk? Thanks.”

“Will do. Partner.”

Yikes.

Oh, and this next scene. Kenzi is not too pleased with Bo’s priorities.

Andras’s first episode and Kenzi is awfully snarky. Or at least, a fair bit snarkier than we’ve seen her in the first four episodes. She has every right to be. We’re starting to peel back the layers, get a little more access to the different dimensions of her personality. I adore that Kenzi is so defensive of Bo, but more than that—she’s mad at Dyson on a personal level. On some level, she had accepted him into her circle. By accepting him as a love interest for Bo, she accepted him as being worthy of being her friend. Even if it was in a small way, she placed her faith in him and he betrayed her.

This kind of thing does not go over well for a person like Kenzi, who has been so deeply hurt in the past and does not open up to others easily. When you are hurt, it takes a lot of courage to get to a place where you are comfortable trusting someone again. When people turn around and betray that trust, it absolutely fucks with you and reinforces the original wound. Again, this is all in regards to a relatively minor incident, but we can still see signs of Kenzi’s trust issues in her behavior.

And the little note she slaps on Dyson that says, “I’m stupid,” is such a weak comeback that you just know she’s a sap at heart and would be willing to forgive him once she’s ready. It displays that sort of childish side to her personality. A child who was forced to grow up too quickly, but one who still has that sort of vulnerability to her.

“When did he….bite it?” Lmao. Kenzi’s inability to deal with genuine displays of emotion is so endearing and heartbreaking.

“Rules are meant to be broken.” Bo says, in spite of everything she laid out with Dyson and in spite of the fact that she knows it will end badly if she continues to be emotionally involved. And Bo’s got this sort of impish, childish side to her, too. In a different way. Again, an almost teenager-ish immaturity.

Ooh, Kenzi and Hale’s first real interaction. Interesting.

“I don’t give a rat’s ass what any of you think. Only Bo.”

Well, that sure is a corpse you’re objectifying. This guy is gross.

I love when Bo and Kenzi tag team in a fight.

Hale, it wouldn’t hurt if you stopped making those “Getting better” comments as if Kenzi needs your approval to be a badass. Just saying.

Which. She really, really is.

Dyson is like, totally crazy.

This moment is incredibly unflattering for him. There’s something about the way he completely loses it when control of the situation is taken out of his hands and he is rendered helpless, and how viciously he responds when Bo is in a remotely tight spot in a fight. It rubs me the wrong way, and I suspect a lot of others as well.

And Dyson and Kenzi are friends again. They know things about each other now that Bo doesn’t know. They are in each other’s confidence.

This might be the first episode that portrays the Dark Fae as not inherently evil.

“I’d make a bad snack. Never had much luck.” Oh, my. “You taste like a survivor.” Looks like that hit.

“Maybe it’s better not knowing family. It’s complicated.” This, plus the comment she made earlier in the episode about how she learned everything she knows about back room poker from her father. Kenzi makes a couple of offhand comments about her family in this episode that hint at a fraught relationship with them, and almost read to me like a cry for help. (Though I’m biased.) Obviously in this scene, Bo is having a moment which takes the focus, but at the very least, earlier with that poker comment, it seemed like a good opportunity to maybe…ask her to talk more about that experience, if she felt like it.

I kind of get the vibe that Emily Andras saw Kenzi on the page and zoned in on her right away, because she could just tell, like. This is the one. This character is worth delving into. And she sure does.

Some takeaways from this episode—we’re digging deeper into Kenzi’s pain and insecurities. Kenzi and Hale form the foundations of a friendship for the first time, as do Kenzi and Dyson. We start to see Dyson’s problematic overprotective man bullshit start to rear its ugly head. And boy, is it ugly. The Dark Fae aren’t necessarily any more morally ambiguous than the Light. And of course, on a plot level, we learn that Bo’s mother is alive, went through what looks like some fucked up shit (spoilers: it was) and is coming for her…whatever that means.

#lost girl #bo dennis #kenzi malikov #bo and kenzi #dyson #dybo #not tagging either of those as anti because...this is well within the realm of critical discussion imo #i will be tagging doccubus as anti most of the time #hale santiago #i dont know what hale and kenzi's ship name is #1x05

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dreamsinthefoxhollow · 4 years

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Resident Evil vs Super Soldier

It was night in the city. I had joined a group of around fifty. They were just regular people who lived in the city, but who were now the survivors. We had taken shelter in a low-level apartment. It was a good place, lots of concrete and few ways in. While they were upstairs doing their scared people thing I was out in the courtyard. There were some lights off in the distance, maybe 3-4 blocks out. That's where the things were at. They weren't making the light. They were just in the part of the city that was still well-lit. It was safer here, in the dark. The light from the stars overhead, and the glow in the sky from the city lights, were more than enough for me to see by. It wasn’t that I had especially good vision at the moment, it was just good enough that I could see (with that old fake night filter from cheap movies). I could also see that there were little things crawling about in the grass. At least one was nearby, probably a few more out of sight. I could hear them rustling. Then I caught one trying to sneak into the building. I chased it down and caught before it could get in the doors. It was silvery and thin, like some kind of worm with dozens of short legs. It was a mean little thing. If it got ahold of anyone it would have easily ripped them up and infected them. It was also very crunchy when I squeezed it to death in my hand. That was kind of gross and messy. It bled blue slime. This was bad, though. If those little things were here, and found the people in the building, which it seemed they had since they were headed that way, it meant ... Damnit. Couldn't even wait for me to finish my Snake Pliskin monologue. Other things were running across the courtyard. They could have been dogs, but without skin, and with heads larger than their torso, and lots more eyes than needed. There was someone else there, watching from a balcony. He kind of reminded me of Bucky, the Winter Soldier. He had apparently been watching me skulk about the courtyard, and was now standing at alert, ready to start defending the building. I shouted that he needed to get the people out. I'd handle this while he got them to safety. I would create a distraction! It sounded good, and he apparently went along with it. I drew a weapon, some kind of oversize automatic pistol firing in short burst mode. It didn't take many shots to take down the four-legged things scampering through the grass. But that was just the beginning. After a few seconds more were running across the dark courtyard. I shot them, too, but there were a lot more this time. Dozens. And they were getting bigger. At first, I was brave, and foolish, and heroic. I ran towards them, shooting, shooting more, shooting even more, making sure I was giving the herd a good rout. But when they started to get bigger and faster and meaner I had to change tactics. Well, I had to but I really didn't. I felt around in my backpack/hammerspace for a good rifle, while still firing with my other hand. Problem was, I couldn't seem to get a rifle. It was just empty 5th dimensional bag. Then things got worse. Now there were things easily the size and shape of hogs, and maybe even hippos. These were crazy fast, highly muscled, red, dripping slime, skinned beasts. They circled me as I circled them. I was trying to stay out of a straight attack line, while dodging others that were jumping in from the sides, while shooting at everything that was moving, while still feeling around for the missing rifle. I imagined in a moment I'd have to resort to pointing my finger and making "pew pew" noises. The pistol ran out of its bottomless ammo cache as I found a stubby rifle in my other hand. I whipped that out and ... oh so nice. That thing was devastating. While those big things were absorbing my pistol fire until they had too many holes to function, this rifle was tearing them apart with bursts of explosive round. I couldn't help but give a wild laugh.I managed to break through the wild rush of beasts and make my way to the lit city area. But the things were flooding the area, and I swear they were somehow getting as large elephants, but much faster ... and leaping ... along with things that may have been humans, but were also skinned and red and oozing slimy stuff. Worse still, they were all increasing substantially in numbers. Even my superhuman abilities were getting to the limit as the piles of bodies grew and waves of things sprang in from all sides. Retreating was a good plan. I had given the people enough time to get out of the building, I hoped. It really was only just a few seconds, maybe 30 or a full minute, since this had all started with those first few running hound things. It was hard to tell time while in the middle of a heated battle. Maybe it was more like five minutes. Regardless, I was out of time. I managed to clear a space enough to dodge closer to some pillars of a building. The massive wave of things was coming from only one direction, swarming along the avenue in a red wave of disgusting fleshy red bodies. I fished around in the bag again and pulled out some kind of really large shotgun. Not like just large, but like huge and stubby. Like a cartoon version of a hand cannon. I fired it just above the seething horde of things still charging at me. It had a heck of a recoil, and in a moment dozens of streaks were filling the air as the canister shell opened over the crowd, and then there was a nonstop rumble of explosions as all of the released mini-shells carpet bombed the area. I dropped the single use weapon and ran while the bodyparts were flying. We were going to meet at the city center, where there was a delegation of higher beings, the keepers of this place. I caught up to the crowd of regular people, still being led by that one guy, just as they got to the base of the central towers. I picked up what looked like a large cat and tucked it under one arm. The cat seemed to both be pissed at me and grateful. The central towers were monolithic black walls curved to form a broken circle around some more curved monolithic walls, which ... It just kept going in layers, each a taller set, with the center roughly some kind of spire reaching up into the night sky and out of sight. We didn't make it much past the third set of walls when there was a really ugly noise from out in the city. It was screaming monsters mixed with screaming sirens. These sirens were the kind only used for really bad things, like tsunami, earthquakes, or the city blowing up with nuclear-level weaponry... The higher beings glided down and plucked all of us from our feet and flew up to the higher reaches of the spire. I had the uncomfortable honor to be one of the last to be picked up so I got to watch as explosions the size of full skyscraper buildings were going off just a few blocks away, getting closer, one every second or so. I could see flames and debris in between buildings. It was an uncomfortable sight. We all were safely spread out among the tops of the spires. The tops of these things were flat and huge, like an entire city block. They were also a dull red, almost rust colored. Most everyone was clinging together and staying far away from the sheer dropoff edges. I was speaking to one of the beings, an androgynous, tall humanoid with angelic wings of something that looked like glowing mist behind it. We knew each other and were on good terms. I was told the things we escaped from were not yet done. They would be coming up to where we were, eventually. We couldn't stay there. The beings could help us relocate to another part of the world, as soon as they figured out what was the best place. But things went really bad really fast. Some of the larger beasts had managed to climb the spire and were clawing over the edges. I whipped out the rifle and let loose a full auto attack on the nearest to me. The beings flicked others away with psionic shoves, like flicking ants off the rim of a cup. But the beasts were too many. In sheer numbers they were closing in, despite being flung away or turned into shredded burger by my rifle. Even that other guy was in the fray, with a sort mini-gun looking thing that was dealing even more damage than I was. Then we were suddenly zooming through the night air. I couldn't tell if we were unceremoniously dumped into some kind of teleporter, wormhole, or just carried really fast through the air. I just knew that things had gone very wrong and very bad, because the higher being who had carried me (and the cat) was telling me we had to seek shelter because the higher beings themselves were under attack from something else far greater than we had seen, something far worse, and threatening to even them. Not only did my angelic ride give me bad news, they had apparently been unable to get me to the intended destination. I was dropped on a mountain top maybe 200km outside the city. I was separated from the others. The mountain was all black rock. It was cold. I could see the city still lit up with little glowing searchlights and a little blob of citylight aura. Then it was just a large blob of blinding light. Ah yes. The nuclear option. Wait. The blob was getting way too big. It looked more like a molten bubble than a nuke. It was getting way too big, way too fast. Did some nutcase overload the antimatter power generator under the city? I backed away and scrambled off the rocks and onto a dark path carved in the solid stone on the sheltered side of the mountain. The air around me shifted from a nearly still, cold mountain breeze to a warm draft. The sky overhead turned orange and silver. I heard voices in my head. Not those of the higher beings, though they were still present at the moment, urging in multiplicity of tone to get to safety, and not just for us but for themselves. These new voices were microwave broadcast voices coming from something orbiting above the planet. I was being instructed to head to a military launch facility less than half a km away, but kind of straight down the side of the mountain. The higher being voices were snuffed out suddenly. The air around me started to glow, and the ground began vibrating uncomfortably. I knew there were other survivors dumped all around me, out of sight, but the new voices kept urging me to not worry about them and get to the facility. I scrambled straight down the side of the mountain like a drunken barbarian running through a cornfield that happened to be growing on a near-sheer cliff. The facility was a collection of black buildings with trusses and armored walls. I ran under some kind of archway and slammed against a metal-truss-lined wall. I was sheltered from the glowing air. There was a pipe there and I grabbed it and held tightly to it. I mean, it looked like a pipe, but it was actually a teleportation interlock lever. The archway was a teleportation site. The voices in my head said to remain calm and hold on tight because it was going to be close. At the same time the glowing around me had turned the night in a sun-like mid-day, and the heat in the air was causing steam to evaporate off the scratched armored sleeve on my arm. I could see parts of the building bathed in the light start to glow red and yellow as they were superheated. Oh, this wasn't just some large nuke, or even an antimatter reactor overload from the city power station. This was an orbital planetary sterilization wave. It swept over the facility, turning the air into charged plasma. The cat still tucked protectively under my arm yowled in words I could understand. "We are so fucked, you f-"

We both were laying on the floor of a brightly lit room. The walls were scratched and silvery-white. I sat up. I was steaming, and parts of my armored outfit (of course in black) which weren't scratched, dented, bloodied, or shredded, were burned like torched rubber. The cindered edges were still glowing in fading oranges and reds. Smoke trails were curling up in the still air from ... well, from me. The cat sat up beside me, completely silent and seemingly stunned, unburned, uninjured, but stained with all manner of grime. I picked the cat up again and we exited the room through an armored airlock. I set the cat on the ground as several uniformed soldiers checked us with some instruments. They referred to the cat as Kaiht, or 'A Kaiht,' as in that was one of what it was. It sure wasn't just a large cat, and was treated, and talked to, like a person. Kaiht was led out and the soldiers helped peel off the armored parts I was wearing. Thankfully I had some leathers underneath so I didn't need a change of clothing, at least not right away. Once out of the room I marched straight towards a very specific area. The hallways were clean and bright and would have looked like a very modern and upscale office building, if it were built using the layout plans of a submarine. The halls were narrow with exposed boxes or conduits at random. I reached the location in the maze of halls with the lone soldier escort having to double-time to keep up with me. I had reached an observation deck. This was a rather large ship, and I wanted to see out the back. There were several other people there, all survivors from the catastrophe, just as myself. There was only a dozen or so of us. I didn't see the other guy among them. We gathered on a balcony-like platform and gazed into a sea of pure, blinding white. That ... wasn't exactly supposed to be that way. Someone pointed into the sea of white. I had to squint and blink several times before it changed into the familiar black of orbital space. There was the planet we had been on, slowly receding. I could have covered my view of it with an outstretched hand. It was very indistinct and fuzzy, out of focus. The lower ¾ was a hazy mix of blue and brown, while a crescent covering the upper ¼ was a glowing haze of hellfire. It was spreading. From our vantage point we were looking at the unburned side of the planet, and the crescent was the sterilization wave coming around from the far side. Another few minutes and that wave would fully engulf the surface. Everything would be more or less a molten sea of lava and slag. Then, the process would repeat. The planet would glow brighter. Then again. And again. It wouldn't stop until the entire ball of planet was around the temperature of a small sun. That would take a few hours. The group and I went separate ways when we walked back into the ship. They were solemn and comforting each other, or in shock. Civilians. They'd probably never heard of such a thing, much less seen it, or lived through being in it. Lucky bastards. Also, the billions of unlucky bastards still on the planet, right now, inside that glowing crescent, or a few minutes away from being turned into carbon dust. That was a lot of death on someone's hands. I marched again, this time without an escort, since that guy stayed with the shellshocked people. I made it to a dining area/meeting room. There was food set out on large plates, one at each of a dozen or so seating places. A few people were already there and nodded to me as I entered. I recognized one as one of the higher beings, now gracing us with a more corporeal presence instead of straight-up godlike visage. They poked at the food with an amused tilt of their head. Kaiht - I think that was her name as well as her species - walked over and hopped onto a nearby chair. She was big enough to look down at the plate, but still looked like a huge, white housecat sitting in a chair at a table. I recognized two others as pure, secret-handshake-club military. Others were part of the ship's crew. Someone else walked in from a doorway next to what looked like a projection screen. She was a tall black woman in a slightly different uniform, and had that air about her that said she was more than 100 percent in charge of this entire rescue, and planet destruction, and more than just this ship we were on. She sat at the head end of the table. I sat beside Kaiht. We both picked at the food with disinterest, but Kaiht tore into it after a moment of cautions sniffing. I was busy staring at that woman. Oh yes, that woman. We knew each other quite well. We were not on the best of terms, but still on terms that meant we wouldn't be actively shooting at each other without due cause. She nodded and gave me a very curt and short version of "hello" worded more like, "Glad you could join us. Sorry about the last second teleport. I hope you weren't cooked too badly." She was snide, but I knew her enough to know she meant it literally, and would not have waited until the last millisecond if it hadn't been necessary. I also knew that planetary sterilization wasn't something she could just order on a whim, no matter how high up in the relative food chain she was. She picked at the food on her plate and turned toward the screen. It lit up with a little flickering of scintillating light pinpoints, before forming a holographic image next to the table. Ah yes. Here would be the real higher-ups who gave the orders to murder billions of civilians, and who would have explanations about the sea of monsters, and probably new orders for all of us.

Then I woke up.

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bigskydreaming · 5 years

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AU where in the first season of each of their respective shows, Scott McCall and Tyler Lockwood run into each other after they both skip town and go off on their own because literally every other werewolf they know is an asshole. And like, granted, Tyler’s an asshole too at that point, but in a ‘he’ll grow out of it’ kinda way, and I mean...enter Scott McCall. Hashtag Growth happens immediately for both. Tyler’s like “No dude, you gotta be more selfish. Look out for number one, you know?”

Scott squints. “I’m number one?” He says slowly, in classic ‘I’m the hot girl?’ tone and cadence, as though the idea has never occurred to him before.

“You’re totally number one, champ,” Tyler says affirmatively, because like...he has eyes, and also has known Scott for longer than five minutes now and thus its pretty obvious that this is in fact true. Also, Tyler is at this point still the kind of asshole who says things like “champ”, and like....not even in an ironic way.

Then the next day Tyler’s an asshole to someone who doesn’t deserve it and Scott looks at him sadly.

“I don’t know how to tell you this dude, but like, you gotta care about other people,” he says. Tyler frowns. Contemplates this.

“Okay,” he says and shrugs, and its pretty much that simple because I mean, he legit literally just needed someone to tell him that. Have you met his parents? They’re AWFUL. I mean they were. Haha, they died. I mean oh no. Much sadness.

They form their own pack and its awesome and eventually that gay werewolf dude from The Originals, Aiden, joins up with them - but only because he brings his vampire boyfriend Josh along with him. I don’t really care about Aiden, but Josh was cool, ergo, I guess Aiden can stay. What is it with white werewolf dudes named Aiden anyway? There are other names, guys. Branch out. Live a little.

They then go to Canada for awhile and run into the werewolves from Bitten.

“Yeah, this seems like a whole mess,” Tyler says, gesturing vaguely in a way meant to encompass every fucked up thing that is wrong with the werewolves in the world of Bitten.

“I just remembered I left the stove on. Sorry, we gotta go,” Scott says, backing away slowly. Their pack turns and leaves *vague hand gestures* All That behind.

They then go to New York and meet the Shadowhunters and Downworlders. Shenanigans ensue, and in the process, they wind up in like, Valentine’s dungeons where they stumble across and rescue Luke Garroway.

“Wait, aren’t you that werewolf cop?” Josh asks, confused. Luke frowns.

“What? Why the hell would I be a cop? Oh, you must mean that doppelganger Valentine hired to be me to keep any of my old Shadowhunters allies or Clary’s mom to look for me. Wait, he’s a cop? Man, FUCK that guy.”

“Fuck doppelgangers, dude,” Tyler agrees, nodding sagely. Scott cocks an eyebrow at him in query.

“They just really suck,” Tyler says, with feeling. Scott nods. Well okay then. Fuck doppelgangers.

Luke joins their pack and the novelty of knowing an adult werewolf who doesn’t completely suck isn’t wearing off any time soon. Who knew that was a thing? They begin to have hope that being a werewolf isn’t synonymous with turning into a douchebag on your twenty-first birthday. Especially Tyler. He like literally JUST un-douchefied himself.

They then go wherever the fuck that show The Gates was set. There’s a whole pack there, and they don’t seem completely awful, but then there’s this one werewolf kid named Brett. Scott goes still.

“Do you have a twin brother?” He asks Brett. Brett scowls.

“What the fuck kind of a question is that? No.”

“Oh, sorry,” Scott says. “It’s just you look a lot like this guy I knew back home, Jackson.”

“Well I’m not him and I don’t have a twin brother,” Brett says with unnecessary aggression that is doing nothing to assuage comparisons to Jackson. Like, chill. It was just a question.

“Oh no! He must be a doppelganger! Sorry, we have to go, we left the water running in the sink,” Tyler yells, standing up and sweeping Scott off his feet and over one shoulder while hollering over the other as he runs off into the night. The rest of their pack look at each other in confusion, shrug, and run after them. Because like, that probably means something, they figure. The Gates pack stares after them with varying expressions of wtf.

“Fucking weirdos,” Brett scoffs then. He goes back to being just The Worst Ever.

Then they wind up in Seattle, where they meet the roommates from Being Human. The American version obviously, I mean, not to be US centric but they’re not going to fucking London just to run into more werewolves, An American Werewolf in London honestly just wasn’t good enough to justify the endless jokes about American werewolves going to London, like, get over it already, let it go.

Werewolf Josh is decent enough. They consider inviting him to join their pack. Then his vampire roommate Aidan gets home, and he’s like, a whole serial killer and a half. So.

“Oh no, I left an unwrapped burrito from 7-11 in the microwave, its gonna go bad!” Vampire Josh shouts in horror, throwing Scott over one shoulder, Tyler over the other, sweeping his boyfriend up in his arms bridal style and then backing into Luke until the older man sighs, hates everything, makes plans to buy a gas-economical SUV because being a werewolf suburban soccer mom is still less undignified than being given piggy back rides by their token vampire when he runs out of arms and shoulders. Then Josh sprints all the way outside the Seattle city limits before stopping and dropping his passengers off as the rest of their pack gathers around them.

“What was wrong with this one?” Asks Tommy Dawkins, the werewolf from Big Wolf on Campus. He and Scott make up the pack’s “Wholesome Jocks In Recovery Post Asshole BFF-endectomy” club. Luke told all the teens that home-schooling was fine, but they still needed extracurriculars. This was not what he had in mind, but well. Baby steps.

“Terrible judge of character,” Scott explains. “Has philosophical debates with his vampire roommate about said vampire roommate’s triple digit body count.”

“Ahh.”

“Am I the only vampire who isn’t just ‘oh look at me, I can go homicidal at the drop of a hat and kill scores of people and then click my heels together and go whoops, all better now, man, THAT was a bad decade for me, huh?’ Am I? AM I?” Josh wails, hiccuping between sobs. Like all vampires, he is very pretty 90% of the time, but he’s a super ugly crier. It’s wonderfully humanizing. Gross, and like, dude gets snot everywhere, but there is an Official Pack Rule. Nobody tell Josh about the ugly crying. Plus, its just a cheap shot, you know? Its not his fault 99% of other vampires use their Pretty for evil.

“Josh,” Tyler says solemnly, putting his arms on both the vampire’s shoulders and looking him gravely in the eye. “I hate to have to tell you this, but I think that like. Yeah. You might just be...The One.”

“Wait no, I heard about this one vampire who’s supposed to not be awful? Down in LA I think,” says Mark, from Lost Girl. He’s not actually a werewolf, he’s a shapeshifter who turns into a black panther. They ran into his dad first, a werewolf named Dyson, but they all sensed he was Horrible within the first five seconds. Except before Luke could say he forgot to feed his goldfish, they gotta go, they bumped into Dyson’s non-awful bisexual panther teenage son and well like. They had to save him from the Horrible then. Like, technically they kidnapped him? Whatever, all their role models were terrible people.

Josh looks up, hopeful. He rubs at his face with his forearm but doesn’t really clean up the snot so much as get it everywhere. Several werewolves wince and look away politely. Mark is scrolling through something on his phone, seemingly oblivious.

“Did you seriously just leave that on a cliffhanger?” Luke scolds. Mark looks up belatedly.

“What? Oh, no. Its just supposedly he only has a soul sometimes, and when he has a soul he’s supposed to be like, a pretty decent guy, but when he doesn’t have a soul, he’s like....a maniacal ax murderer on murder-steroids. Its this whole thing apparently. I follow this demon on twitter who owns a bar down there. He posts weekly updates on whether or not the guy has his soul this week....calls it Soulwatch. I guess the last couple times the dude didn’t have his soul he almost ended the world or something? So anyway, lotta people like updates on that, since I guess he and that vampire are good buds or whatever.”

“He doesn’t have a soul sometimes?” Tyler scowls skeptically. “That sounds fake.”

“Do you have a soul?” A nameless werewolf extra from True Blood asks Josh.

Josh hiccups and gropes around at his chest, frowning.

“I think so? Nobody ever told me I might not, I don’t know. Like I mean, I feel like I have a soul, I’m pretty sure?”

“He clutches his stomach and goes ‘ow my heart’ when that Sarah McLachlan commercial with the sad puppies comes on TV,” his boyfriend says helpfully.

“That’s not where the heart is....” someone starts to say, but they’re quickly shushed. Scott, Tommy and Luke are all clutching their stomachs and nodding in understanding. Tyler rubs his temples.

“Josh, you have a soul. You literally burst into song every time you see a baby smile, and last month you guilt-tripped us all into volunteering with you at that pediatric hospital which means we heard nothing but you singing showtunes and Christmas carols for an entire week straight. In July. Mark, does your demon twitter follower say this vampire has his soul this week or not? Are we going to LA next? And someone please hit me for having to utter that sentence in the first place, it’ll make me feel better, please just do it.”

Sophia Donner, the only decent werewolf from the almost entirely werewolf-populated town of Wolf Lake, helpfully kicks him in the shin.

“What?” Mark looks up again, baffled. “Dude, he doesn’t follow ME on twitter, are you kidding? He has like, six hundred thousand twitter followers.”

“Really? Why so many?” Tommy asks.

“He has this thing where he can like, see your future or your aura or some shit like that when you sing. So karaoke night at his bar is always packed with lots of A-List celebs obsessed with the occult. Its like, impossible to get into cuz of that unless you know someone, but it means everyone who’s anyone in Hollywood follows him on twitter and is always trying to hit him up and get on the list, and so like, of course all their followers follow him too even if they don’t know why everyone follows him, they just figure obviously he must be someone important?”

“Ahh.”

“People,” Tyler barks. “Focus.”

He looks around for Scott, wondering why the hell he’s the only one trying to get a handle on this. He eventually finds Scott at the edge of their little gathering. Fucker’s holding up his cell phone and recording everything. He shoots Tyler a thumbs up and mouths “You’re doing amazing, sweetie” at him. Tyler would be pissed, but like, he was the one who made it his mission to get Scott to occasionally be more of a selfish asshole specifically so....nah. Fuck it. He was gonna be pissed anyway.

“Ummm,” Mark hedges some more, still scrolling through his phone. He frowns then, and shoots Josh an apologetic glance. “Sorry. Looks like he’s soulless again this week.”

Scott decides to intervene then, looking suddenly concerned. “Uh...does that mean he might maybe almost destroy the world again? Should we go to LA anyway and like...I dunno. Try and help?”

“Help who?” Tyler demands, throwing up his arms in exasperation at the whole day. This is what he gets for getting out of bed, like. Ever. Nothing good comes from getting out of bed. When will he learn?

“I don’t know. Don’t get testy with me,” Scott bites out testily. “The people. Who try and...stop him from destroying the world? Obviously world’s not destroyed so somebody must have stopped him the last couple times which means someone’s probably trying to stop him this time too.”

“Or he could just be really bad at it,” Tommy suggests.

“Nope, we’re good,” Mark interrupts, still on his phone. “It says they’ve got him magically locked up in some hotel so he can’t go anywhere while they wait for their witch friend to bring his soul back and put it in him. I guess after the last time they put like, a low-jack spell on it so if it went missing again it’d just go straight to her, since she’s the only one good at putting it back anyway.”

“Well then,” Tyler says after a moment or two to digest the concept of a low-jacked soul. “That was a super efficient tangent. Are we all good here now at least? Can we move on and like....go somewhere not within range of a serial killer vampire who’s probably miffed at us for being rude and committing some hospitality faux pas?”

Josh sniffs and rubs at his face again, this time with more success. “Yeah, sorry. I’m all good now.”

“Well I’m not,” Aiden yells out then, apparently taking the all-clear on his boyfriend’s issue as a go ahead to vent his own drama. “Am I the only Aiden who isn’t just a complete asshole??”

“I mean, you’re kinda an asshole sometimes too,” Sophia says, idly chewing a nail.

“Not helpful, Soph,” Scott scolds gently. She shrugs.

“Wasn’t trying to be.”

“Let’s start a pack, you said,” Tyler growls, glaring daggers at his co-alpha. Scott smirks back without remorse. “It’ll be good for us, you said. There’s probably lots of other teen wolves in the same boat as us, you said. Shouldn’t we help them, you said.”

“I did say all that,” Scott agrees. He saunters off, you know, like an asshole.

Two weeks later they’re not far from LA. The vampire has his soul this week and everyone wants to go celeb-watching at the demon dude’s karaoke night. Luke knows a guy who can get them in, apparently. They stop to help a hitchhiking teenage werewolf in trouble because like, Scott has a sixth sense for that shit.

“So what’s your name?” Tyler asks the kid.

“Derek Hale,” he says, and Tyler squints. Why does that name sound familiar. Next to him, Scott hisses like an angry cat. Oh. Right. That.

“You’re not Derek Hale,” Scott accuses, and the kid bristles right back at him. Tyler watches, bemused. Was this a Beacon Hills thing? Or did all of them look like that when having like....what was this, a territorial pissing match? Angsty backstory showdown? What was even happening here, exactly?

“I think I would know, dickface.”

“Look, I’ve met Derek Hale, and he’s like, twenty five, and an asshole,” Scott says. “You can’t be Derek Hale, because you’re like, fifteen, and adorable.”

“Fuck you, I’m seventeen, and fuck you more, I��m not adorable, I will fucking rip your throat out with my teeth, dickface.”

“See? I’m supposed to be quaking in my shoes right now but all I wanna do is pat you on the head and hug you and feed you, because that was adorable,” Scott says, pointing at him. “Ergo, you can’t be Derek Hale, because all I ever wanted to do to that dude was kick him in the nuts for being an asshole who’s all like breaking into my house to tell me we’re brothers now or whatever the fuck that was all about, and then breaking my arm and trashing my phone two seconds later.”

The kid goes quiet. Squints at him. “Wait. Is your name Scott McCall?”

Scott frowns deeper and folds his arms across his chest, shifting awkwardly. He has trouble maintaining his like, Righteous Ire even when he’s definitely in the right, and adorable kid being adorable and no longer even aggressive was making his temper go bye-bye. Ugh, rude. Scotty Rage was hot, and all too rare. Tyler officially hated this kid. Why does he never get to have nice things?

“Yeah. How’d you know?”

The kid fidgets, sullen. “Heard about you. I told you, I am Derek Hale. I just got like, magically de-aged by my pedo ex-girlfriend who’s now even more pedo and creepier and like...whatever, I don’t even know what the fuck that was all about but like yeah. Apparently older me was a huge douchebag and your name came up as proof of his douchebaggery and I booked it awhile ago because like, nobody could figure out how to turn me back and I figured if I gotta be seventeen again at least I’m gonna be seventeen somewhere where people don’t all think I’m a douchebag because of what older not!me Derek the Dickhead did. You know?”

“Not even a little bit,” Tyler says.

“Kinda,” Scott says. He gnaws his lip. “That sucks. Well. You hungry? We were about to go get some dinner. Wanna come with?”

Derek the Littler Dick stares at him before shooting Tyler an incredulous glance. “Is he for real?”

“Unfortunately,” Tyler deadpans. Scott frowns defensively.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Dude, you just hated me like ten whole seconds ago.”

“I didn’t know who you were ten seconds ago,” Scott shrugs, as though that explains everything. Problem is, in his head it probably did. Freak, Tyler thinks affectionately.

“Yeah but now you do know who I am and now you know I’m someone you hate? So....?”

“No, you used to be someone I hate,” Scott explains slowly, as if to a small child. “You said it yourself, you’re not really him. Besides, I decided I’m over it anyway.”

“You decided you’re....over it. Anyway.” LDD repeats, breaking it down slowly. As if to a small child. Oh, this is going to be amazing, isn’t it. The other half of Tyler’s future home entertainment gifts him with another incredulous look, like, are you sure this guy is for real? Tyler nods in confirmation.

“He’s just...like that. It’s so weird.”

“Fine,” Derek huffs at last, over aggressively because why stray from a theme, yeah? “But this better not be some fucked up elaborate revenge plan for older me being a dick or like...”

“You’ll rip my throat out with your teeth,” Scott says dryly. The kid sulks.

“Well of course it sounds lame when you say it like that.”

“You still have baby fat,” Scott tells him. Derek shifts into an enraged were-porcupine.

“I so the fuck do not!”

“You have like, chubby little baby werewolf chipmunk cheeks.”

“Asshole!”

“I know you are but what am I?”

“That’s so stupid! You’re so stupid! What are you, twelve?”

“No, that’s you. Look in a mirror, short stuff.”

“Oh god,” Tyler despairs, staring after the two of them walking off towards the rest of the pack. “They’re brothers now.”

#kalen writes crack fic sometimes #look i dont know what this is #i just know it was in my brain #so now its here

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