@bxtsence said: 1 (sexuality asks)

(sexuality asks - open)

what do you label your muse as, and how do they label themselves? is there a difference, and if so, why?

//thank you for asking this one, because this is one i actually was kinda hoping to talk about, haha!

so, i label salvatore as a polyamorous greyromantic bisexual trans man (i did originally list him as pan, but i think bi vibes a bit more with him specifically as a label, but honestly i'm not really gonna get into all of that right now because to me personally the minutiae doesn't matter too much. point is, he's attracted to all genders.)

sal labels himself, however, as nothing. he doesn't use any labels for himself for the most part, and in fact he barely understands what any queer labels actually mean. i think he'd call himself queer eventually after he comes to accept himself a lot more down the line, and he may even finally actually consider himself transsexual, but until then if you ask him he'll probably say, "what are you, a cop?"

and this is a bit twofold for salvatore in my intentions. for one thing, i love writing a queer character who doesn't know *shit*. i was joking with a friend recently that there's a good chance that salvatore, at least for a time, thought he was the first and only trans man to exist. that's how much he doesn't know shit. like characters who know themselves super well are all fine and dandy, but i think it's interesting to have a character who doesn't know how to put words to his experiences.

and my other thought is that salvatore gets to be the reflection of the part of me that's kinda tired of trying to label every part of my queer experience. to be clear, there is *nothing* wrong with having a lot of labels or microlabels or anything like that. at the end of the day, if the label serves you and your experiences, that's what matters.

but like........ i'm kinda tired, y'all. part of me likes to joke about being a label hoarder and that's fun, but i'm also like. i just kinda wanna be Just Some Guy. my gender is both complicated and simple and so is my orientation, and sal can be like that too. for me personally, it's not really that useful to stress about finding the perfect labels to define me. i'm just a guy! i'm here, i'm queer, and i'm just a guy.

guess what i'm trying to say is. oh he's just like me fr.

[“I told my mother I thought I might be trans in a lengthy and overly apologetic email, which she didn’t quite know how to respond to. From her perspective, my transition had popped up out of nowhere, with no prior warning signs. She was convinced I had been brainwashed into transitioning, and agreed to meet my counsellor for a joint meeting with me, primarily to meet the person she felt had brainwashed her child into transitioning.

My mother describes her first meeting with me presenting as Laura as very difficult for her, due in no small part to her inability to see me as anything but her very traditionally masculine son in a dress. For a while she knew but did not talk to my father, which she found very difficult. She told me years later that she went through a period of mourning, feeling like her child had died, and that she was left with a stranger she did not know. It put a lot of strain on her, and on our relationship as parent and child.

Why the assumption I was brainwashed? Because of autism infantilisation.

Before we talk more about my journey coming out as transgender, we have to rewind a little bit to something else that went on at around the same point in my life: my diagnosis of Asperger’s. By the time my mother attended that appointment and met me as Laura for the first time, I had already been diagnosed with Asperger’s, which was part of the reason she was so worried about me. She was not aware of any statistical link between autism and gender dysphoria, and in her eyes I was a vulnerable young person with an autism spectrum condition who was being manipulated into transition because I was easily swayed, or lacking in ability to assess my feelings on the matter properly for myself. This is depressingly common: an adult’s assumption that having an autism spectrum condition means you’re incapable of proper self-understanding, or that you’re susceptible to being manipulated into believing things about yourself that you did not previously. You’re not trusted as being of sound mind to make choices about your own life, out of fear you’ve been manipulated.

Speaking to my mother years later, now she has somewhat settled down and got used to me going by Laura and female pronouns, she told me that her biggest fear, and the primary reason she agreed to attend that first joint session together, was that, as a youth with Asperger’s, my therapist was influencing me into believing that I was trans. She feared it was some kind of brainwashing that my gullible mind could not resist the allure of, rather than believing my own account of what I was experiencing.

I also faced this same issue with doctors when trying to access medical support through the NHS. I would have general practitioners, mental health doctors and gender specialists alike raise an eyebrow when I acknowledged my Asperger’s diagnosis, and then proceed to take plenty of extra time asking me lengthy questions about how my autism symptoms manifested, to ensure I was of sound enough mind to make permanent choices about my body. Apart from the obvious infantilisation of people with conditions like Asperger’s on display there, I always just explained it as being like the decision to get a tattoo. I am an adult, over the age of 18, who has been deemed sober and mentally sound, and as such I have every right to permanently inject colours into my skin that may never go away. Why should I not be trusted to take slow-acting meds that are somewhat easier to reverse? Still, the fact I had to fight to be believed that I was mentally sound enough to make that choice says a lot about misunderstandings about autism spectrum conditions, but highlights that to assert that transition is unique in the permanent nature of its change to the body is completely inaccurate.”]

laura kate dale, from uncomfortable labels: my life as a gay autistic trans woman

I only experience transmisogyny within a very narrow set of circumstances.

I'm loud. I'm masculine. I'm fat. I'm muscular.

I'm also a leader. When I speak, my voice is heard. When I speak, my opinion is valued. In my boots and my armor I swagger through the world with my chin up and my shoulders back. In short, people very rarely smell the tranny on me. If they do, they assume I'm a trans man.

In my day to day life I benefit from masculinity.

Transmisogyny happens to feminine transwomen. It happens when they claim their feminine gender. It happens when they step into a feminine role within public society. Transmisogyny happens when you assert your womanhood in a way that the transmisogynist can understand.

Most people don't understand my womanhood.

I don't need most people to understand my womanhood. As I've said elsewhere, it is unreasonable of me to expect a cis person to understand who I am without a lengthy explanation and at least one book. I'll enforce my pronouns all day, but respecting pronouns and recognizing gender are two different things.

I experience transmisogyny only when I need to be recognized as a woman. This, therefore, happens exclusively in queer spaces. It happens behind closed doors. It happens on dating apps. It happens in intimate moments when I let my guard down.

It happens when someone is capable of recognizing me as a woman.

That is not very many people.

Most of the transmisogyny I experience is, in fact, self-inflicted. No one is more aware of the "pervert man trying to invade women's spaces" narrative than I am. No one is more aware of the actual cis men who pretend to be trans butches in order to hit on young lesbians than I am.

In my head, there is a daily war. Desire fights propriety. Pride wars with humilty. Self-defense battles with self-expression. I wrestle with my own recognition of my own womanhood until I'm bloody and exhausted.

Like so many of my sisters, I am Guarded. Selective. Afraid. I must wade through the morass of myself before I can offer my womanhood to someone. Consequently, I have a lot of time to think.

Is intimacy worth it? Is trusting you worth it?

Is it worth it to take my armor off for you? Is it worth it to let you hurt me in a way that is so uniquely painful that the scar will stay with me for the rest of my life?

No. It's usually not.

Do I experience transmisogyny? Yes. But I don't think I experience it in the way most would understand it.

Your being

FEM DNI, I SWEAR YOU WILL BE BLOCKED ESPECIALLY WITH THIS

Viktor(Arcane) x FTM! Reader

Word Count: 1.7k

Tw: Mentions of Dysphoria, Mentions of being ashamed for being trans, some self-hate, Reader is on T, Reader is Pre-Top Surgery but is getting it, Needles, maybe ooc Viktor(?), The word trans is never used it is always referred to as “this”(makes sense in the context), Viktor got cured

A/n: HAPPY TRANS VISIBILITY DAY! Yes I know I am a little late on this but I still wanted to put something out there as a trans guy. This fic is based on a lot of my own emotions with being trans and how it’s caused me to view myself but also how I’ve grown from my past views of myself causing me to not be ashamed of myself and just let myself be me. And if anyone wants to hear any funny stories from my trans ass I would be more than willing to share them as there is a surplus. So to all my fellow trans masculine folks I hope you enjoy this fic and I wish the best to all of you!<3

In the midst of pursuing the hexacore and building hextech with Jayce, Viktor had met you, a bookstore owner from the rim in which Piltover and Zaun met. You were far more intelligent than being a bookstore owner would let on but didn’t show it off not even being aware that you had it causing Viktor to take on an immediate liking to you as he would peruse through the bookstore on his way to the lab in the early mornings when nothing yet your shop was open. The two of you had become quick friends and then eventually lovers and then you found yourselves sharing an apartment for what you two tried to excuse as for “financial reasons” even though you both knew it to not be true. Your relationship had been built on trust which didn’t come easy for either of you and yet you had kept something to yourself for all the time you had been together you didn’t know why, you weren’t ashamed of it itself, but you guessed you were ashamed in your mind that it would never be the same after Viktor would know. So it was your secret you kept, Viktor never verbally questioned why would would sleep with your shirt on, why you would use a bathrobe instead of a towel, why anytime physical intimacy started to “heat up” you’d awkwardly would put an end to it, why some days you’d sneer at anything that had a glossy enough surface to see your reflection, why you’d have to stab yourself with a needle full of some mysterious medicine(of course in the beginning he did question that one in concerns of your health and safety) and other attributes that for most men wouldn’t make sense. And you were so thankful for that so you kept your secret you knew it would never last but being with Viktor was sweet bliss so you’d enjoy it while it lasted. However you got a letter in the mail regarding top surgery you had spent years saving up for it your hands shook opening the letter terrified of what the surgeon had wrote and reading it you dropped it on the desk, heart surging, tears starting to well out of your eyes, and a huge smile found its way onto your face. They said yes. They said yes. The approval of the surgery. You’d finally be rid of the flesh on your chest that you so much anguish, the flesh that you detested would be replaced by two scars that would mark your struggle and victory. But as you checked the time you realized you were going to be late opening the shop you quickly stuffed the letter in the desk not thinking much about it running off being sure to lock the door behind you racing down the squeaky hallways.

Hours later Viktor arrived home shockingly early for him, you hadn’t even been home yet the reason he was home is he realized that while working on the hexacore he had some papers in the desk that could assist. He briskly walked over to the desk, his cane letting out soft sharp thuds against the wooden ground arriving at the desk. He opened the drawer and grabbed the papers without a thought rushing back to the lab even though it caused a thrumming pain in his leg. At the lab he slowly sat down in the wooden rolling chair he sifted through the papers reading each one carefully under the little lamp desk till he arrived at a letter confused. He read the first line and his heart dropped. It read your name and the words “ your surgery has been approved”. Viktor immediately stood upwards stumbling forgetting to grab his can but using the desk as support. He didn’t read past the first line but he knew what it meant or at least what he thought it meant. He grabbed his cane hurdling himself out of the lab barely remembering to lock it behind him he headed towards the apartment you both had called home, he knew at this time you’d be there. And he knew you, he knew that you would only get surgery that was essential to you which in his mind left only one possibility you were dying or could die without the surgery which broke his heart. Why would you keep something like that from him, especially knowing that once too he was a dying man. It also hurt him that it felt like you couldn’t rely upon him he would gladly pay for it then and one hundred times over after all hextech did make him and Jayce more wealthy and even then he could emotionally support you, be an anchor if you needed it. He wobbled up the uneven stairs and down the hall of the apartment building quickly unlocking the wooden oak door to your home while still having the letter in hand. Opening the door he saw you sitting on the couch curled up reading a book. He barged through the door slamming it behind him making you aware of his presence.

 “ Hey Vik-“ You started to say before getting cut off by Viktor.

“ What is this?” He said sharply holding up the letter in his free hand giving it a slight shake angrily. Your eyes became as wide as saucers staring at the letter in his hand with fear as you bolted upwards your hands out in front of you ready to explain everything ready for your relationship to be over.

“ Look I can explain-“ You started once again before once again being cut off by the other male quite harshly.

“ How can you explain this?! How can you justify hiding this?!” Viktor responded bitterly, his tongue cutting sharp like knives.

“ I’m sorry I didn’t think it would ever get this far-“ You tried to say before Viktor interrupted.

“ You didn’t think it would get this far?! And what you're sorry you didn’t tell me you are dying!” He seethed out wrapped up in his emotions too wrapped up to notice the confused expression on your face.

“ I'm sorry, what?” You said dumbfounded and in utter confusion of his statement. Only saying this caused him to go on a rant about how could you not tell him and other statements along those lines. You went into your headspace trying to figure out what in the actual hell this conversation was about only to think about it more. Quickly you caught onto the fact that Viktor has always respected your privacy but a he must’ve accidentally come across the letter as it had been in the desk with some of his papers and had read it stopping after the first line for the sake of your privacy but also worry.

“ Viktor,” you started out sternly trying to make your voice as flat as possible. “ Viktor read the entire letter.”

Viktor just went silent his face still held bits of grief and anger but sure enough he looked down reading the letter his face remaining the same till you figured he came across the line “ the consultation before your chest masculinization subcutaneous mastectomy will be held on the date xx/xx/xxxx if you have any concerns or need to reschedule please respond back.” Viktors face softened with realization of your avoidance of being shirtless, or just naked in front of him for that matter yet unreadable as he finished the letter. He looked up at you. You thought you would be terrified and yet you felt relieved but you also felt grief mourning the relationship which you had thrived in wither away because of what you are.

“ I am sorry I lied to you, I'll pack my stuff and stay at the store.” You started remorsefully, your head hanging low, refusing to look at him chewing at your bottom lip in stress. The sound of his cane thumping across the floor matched your heartbeat and when he stopped in front of you the thumping stopped with both his cane and your heart. You almost jerked at the feeling of his strong thin hand that was placed on your shoulder waiting a second to see if you’d push his hand away from your shoulder to which you didn’t he stepped even closer sliding his arm around you holding you against his chest lightly to not scare you. While Viktor was touch starved it was often you who took charge grabbing his hand, pulling him into hugs and kisses all sorts of intimate moments but when he did take the lead it meant something it was his way of telling you that he loved you. And you could tell exactly what he was doing here embracing you gently enough where you could pull away at any moment if you so desired but hard enough where it anchored you there in that moment with him. 

“ You never lied, and I am sorry my love I just worry for you.” The brunette male Sid squeezes you slightly for your comfort or maybe his own.

“ I am sorry I kept this from you but how can you still love me after knowing about this” you said wildly gesturing to your body still in VIktors embrace.

“ Because I love your entire being and this is a part of you so I love it as well.” VIktor stated warmly as if the sentiment was basic logic. But that’s exactly what you loved about Viktor is that to him his compassion, his love was just basic logic yet any other person would actually struggle to empathize and love at his level. And with the statement any of that shame that festered in you seeped out maybe not completely but you at least knew that you didn’t have to feel ashamed of it.

“ I love you so much Viktor.” You said squeezing you arms around him you could sense he flushed at the statemeant while he could say the sweetest phrases that mean ten times more than I love you to other people he himself could barely hear an “ I love you” without flushing and stammering. 

“ And I you. And if you need me by your side I will be there.” He said squeezing you back the two of you standing there in the middle of your home just enjoying each other's embrace soaking in the love for one another. 

Have you read any of Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinhas works on disability? I find her stories especially about activism initiatives and groups like sins invalid but I've been completely thrown off by their use of "femmes" as an umbrella term. I'm worried I might be missing some context on the usefulness of the term because of my white context but ur recent post in response to a question abt womxn seemed like an insightful and confident assertion of the terms limitations so I wondered if you had any advice for navigating the kind of jarring experience of seeing someone use identity language in the pursuit of justice that feels super uncomfortable in its vagueness but being worried that your own internal prejudices might be the source of that discomfort.

It all comes down to discernment I think.

Fundamentally there's a degree of self-trust you have to build in your own ability to pool information and thought from a wide variety of sources, taking what is useful, releasing what is not, reflecting upon what challenges you in a meaningful way, and then synthesizing all of that into a greater understanding of the world that is distinctly your own, without finding it threatening that others are also doing the same thing with what information that they have and will always arrive somewhere slightly different.

I don't agree with their use of femmes. I have seen other activists of similar orientations use "femmes" to highlight the fact that a lot of organizing labor falls onto women, and I get what they're trying to do with the term -- and I think it's completely misplaced and that they'd have a better way of talking about it if their work was more informed by the contributions of transexual people, especially trans women. I think the perspectives of butch people and trans mascs are also largely absent from that analysis, particularly Black trans men.

But I don't expect anyone that I'm reading to be a perfect reflection of my own beliefs and my politics. I am the reflection of what I know and believe, I don't need anybody else to be that, and thus somebody having a slightly differing view or base of knowledge from me is not an existential threat.

Whenever I notice that someone does use different language from my own, I pay close attention to what they are meaningfully saying, and I ask myself whether their use of language reflects a set of biases that skews their overall worldview.

In many authors who use language like "women and femmes," I do very much see an exclusion of butch women, nonbinary people, trans men, and trans women, and a lack of awareness of how being perceived as masculine effects Black trans people. But this is revealed to me by their broader attitudes, the way they summarize and explain social problems, the examples they choose to give, and the overall deeper content of what they are saying -- not their choice of a single term or another. I take a person with a grain of salt if they use that term -- but I still take them.

On the whole there's a lot to be valued within that authors' work. And they also have areas where I think they are less prepared to be a reliable source of expertise. And the same can certainly be said for me. In general I think we need to stop searching for catchall gender terms -- especially those of us who are transmisogyny exempt and/or non Black and distinctly positioned to not really "get" the ways that we're failing at it, and that includes both Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinhas and me.

I recently found your blog and I must say I LOVE YOUR WORK!! It’s so amazing!! /gen!! I was wondering if you could do some Donnie x transmasc reader headcanons please?? No pressure, but if you do ty!!

Relationship status: It can be read as romantic or platonic

TW: Some grammatical errors because english is not my first language.

Author's note: THANK YOU SO MUCH! I was afraid that my writing style and language barrier were taking away good aspects from my work, so I'm glad that you like it!

!!Before reading, I'd like to clarify that I am not a transmasculine person myself, and I am not deeply knowledgeable about this part of the LGBT+ community. My knowledge is based on many articles I found and people I know from internet. So, if I have written something incorrectly or inaccurately, please feel free to correct me in the comments!!

◇Support and Understanding: I think, besides April, Donnie might be your biggest supporter.

◇However, in the beginning, he might have been… a bit startled.

◇Absolutely not in a bad way! It's just that he wasn't quite prepared for such an act of trust towards him. He even considered himself too eccentric (lmao) for something like this.

◇Despite a somewhat insensitive initial response, as soon as you left, he started researching extensively about being a transmasculine person.

◇Of course, Donnie was aware of what trans topic means and some groups under that, but he really wanted to make an effort and not mess up anything, coming off as a total idiot. (I love the headcanon that he's bisexual and non-binary <3).

◇Expect a full PowerPoint presentation on the big screen in their living room the next day. (Please praise him even if you know everything, he gave up his evil plans to take over the world, or at least improve Microsoft, just for you. Plus, he's not very good at understanding your feelings towards you, like your concerns about your body, etc., so you'll have to literally tell him and what he could do).

◇Don has no problem with your pronouns, whether they are more feminine, masculine, or non-personal. However you want to be called, he will respect it, BA! He will even correct anyone who gets it wrong. Leo: "You know, (incorrect pronoun) did something amazing!" BOING! Donnie: "SCOFF! As usual, my idiotic brother, [Y.N] uses [Correct Pronouns]. Say it again, and you'll become my next guinea pig in my lab." Leo: "D:"

◇Donatello is not good with words of support, so his main strength is giving you his more masculine, unused clothes. And you have to admit, he has perfect style! (But never, ever touch his purple hoodie, he'll cut your hands off/j).

◇He also with April helped pick out the right binder for you. However, if somehow each one caused too much discomfort, he personally took it upon himself to make one for you.

◇Giving gifts is one of his strong suits in platonic or romantic relationships.

◇Therefore, thanks to Raph's help (my next personal headcanon is that Raphie is talented in sewing clothes), he managed to achieve this goal.

◇When it comes to testosterone injections, Donatello will gladly take care of it!

◇His laboratory is spotless; not even hospitals can compete with such a gleaming environment.

◇However, if you feel more comfortable doing it at home, Donnie will initially be as stubborn as a mule, but then he'll go along with your choice.

◇But for each visit, he will disinfect everything, and when I say everything, I mean everything. Your health is the most important thing for him :D

◇I have a feeling he might joke about transmasculine things with you a bit, but in the way friends usually do. He absolutely wouldn't want to offend you, so before saying anything, he'll ask you or check on public forums if it's okay.

◇It's his duty to accompany you to pride parades. HE WANTS TO SUPPORT YOU AS MUCH AS HE CAN! (Even though he's not a fan of such large crowds.) "Hey, [Y.N]…" his voice was currently unnaturally quiet, causing you to look at him immediately from your phone. "Hm? What's wrong, D?" "I'm proud of you."

◇Donatello would like someone to say that they're proud of him, so he thought it would be worth mentioning to you as well.

◇However, he didn't expect that despite many people around, you would start crying and hug him.

◇Of course, he returned the hug.

Hi, feel free to ignore. I don’t know why this is making me panic so much but I’m a writer and I write Sodo being called Sodo instead of Dewdrop, some ghost fans seem to be getting a little mad that he’s not being called Dewdrop and I was wondering why you decided to call him Sodo?

Im unfortunately a chronic people pleaser and this is kind of tearing me apart part, I’m so very confused.

(I admire you very much by the way rat for sticking to your own beliefs and Hc’s and not going against your beliefs to please one person you don’t even know through a screen)

hi!

i believe the reason people get pissy about sodo being called sodo and not dewdrop (bleh) is because the man behind the mask is called the sodomizer and even has a tattoo of the word on his stomach, which leads people to apparently lose their minds because "it's disrespectful" to him by "blurring the line between him and the character" which is just nonsense, honestly.

sodo started out as a bassist, which would make him a water ghoul, so he was named dewdrop because compared to the rest of the band at the time, he was relatively small.

however, he is now the main guitarist. a fire ghoul. i do not see how a fire ghoul would be called dewdrop.

it's even more silly when you realize that papa called sodo that (well, sodomizer, which sodo is a short form of) multiple times. hell, at my own ritual, we were yelling out sodo.

the people behind the ghouls masks are very much aware of what we call them. at least some of them (sodo, aether and phantom definitely) are and they have no problem with being called that. sodo reacts to being called sodo.

fun fact, there was also a discourse about how apparently he's uncomfortable with dewdrop, but from what i've read, it wasn't from him, it was just misinformation which spreads in the fandom at a ridiculously fast pace.

for me personally, there are a few reasons i chose sodo over dewdrop.

one, it's a fucking fire ghoul. i'm not calling a fire ghoul dewdrop.

two, i view switching elements as something similar to being trans. partially because i'm trans myself. calling him dewdrop feels to me like deadnaming him.

three, it's a bit similar to mary goore's pronouns for me. while mary can be a he/they or a they/them, calling mary goore a "he" makes me uncomfortable. calling sodo dewdrop also makes me uncomfortable.

and lastly, i just don't like the name, in all honesty.

in the end, i believe that what he's called will depend on your own opinions and maybe when you joined the fandom, but calling sodo anything other than sodo feels wrong to me, so i'm sticking with that. i do accept asks where he's called dewdrop, but i always call him sodo either way.

if people are getting mad at you for this and making you panic, inform them that this is your choice as a writer and they are free to leave whenever they fucking please. it's your art. as long as it doesn't hurt anyone, you should be free to do anything you please with it. and calling a character a different name isn't gonna hurt anyone, trust me.

the people getting pissed at you probably have nothing better to do with their time. if i can skip a post with sodo being called dewdrop and ignore a post with mary being called a "he", they can ignore your posts/fics if they don't like a name or a headcanon. and if they don't and they seek out drama over something so petty, their opinions aren't worth caring about.

i used to be a chronic people pleaser, too, back when i wrote fanfiction on wattpad. and let me tell you, it made me feel terrible. i was pushing out chapters and publishing pieces i didn't like because people liked them. i was genuinely convinced my work was bad because it made me feel bad to write it.

eventually i decided to let go, completely switched out a fanfic in a way that people hated but also made me much happier. it's your writing and your decisions. other people don't get to dictate that. i'm sticking with my own headcanons because it's my blog. i made this blog. i am the main writer. if you disagree with a headcanon, you can move past my blog and go read someone else's fanfiction.

the best piece of advice that i can offer you, anon, is to remember that you're one of the people you're supposed to please. and the only one that truly matters in the end. if you ever wanna talk about those things, send me an ask on my main and i'll dm you (non-mutuals can't dm me for personal reasons) so we can talk more.

people suck. have fun writing.

- nosferatu

“aiding in a genocide but making progress elsewhere” are you fucking insane? that is the most evil selfish despicable shit i have ever heard. you wouldn’t be reblogging shit like that if it was thousands of white kids being slaughtered. what is wrong with you fucking people??? absolutely disgusting how do you live with yourself

I usually don't dignify this stuff with a platform but I'm gonna make an exception because I'm hoping you or other people who feel the same way can help me out. I have a real, genuine, honest, not-a-gotcha question: what do you recommend I do instead?

I hate this as much as you do. I don't want Biden to be president, I don't want to vote for him, and I am not voting for him in the primary. I desperately want another option, I just don't realistically see one. Since it seems like you do, I'm serious, please tell me what it is.

Is there a revolutionary movement underway that you think will replace our current system of government before November? If so, let me know where I can find out more, I'd love nothing more than to replace our shitty system. Is there a third candidate with a shot of winning who is pro-Palestine that I somehow haven't heard about? Give me their name and they've got my vote. Hell, is Trump actually pro-Palestine and committed to ending the genocide? I might even vote for him.

But with the knowledge that I currently have (again, if I'm missing info, please tell me!) it seems pretty certain either Biden or Trump is going to win and we are going to be led by a genocide lover no matter what the American people do or what we believe. But I believe that Biden will kill and hurt less people, both abroad and domestically (I'm a queer trans brown non-Christian uterus-possessing child of a brown immigrant, trust me I am very invested in the domestic policy differences between Biden and Trump). That's where we're at: who's going to kill the fewest kids? I don't see a "kill no kids" option but if you do, please tell me what it is and I'll do that instead.

Frankly I think the November election is not the thing we should be worrying most about right now. We should be focusing on ending the genocide and supporting the people of Palestine - donating, contacting our reps, raising awareness, boycotting, protesting, etc. That's what I'm doing and where I'm putting most of my focus. Local and down ballot elections are also important.

How do I live with myself? Badly, as every American should. No matter how many calls I make, protests I attend, it will never be enough. But I sure sleep a hell of a lot better than I would if I was a "just don't vote" type (not saying that's what you are, it's just an opinion I see way too often) and gave up the one tiny bit of political power I have to try to make things a little less bad for at least a few people, so that I can selfishly feel better about myself for having the ideological high ground.

But I don't want to do that. Tell me what I can do not to have to. Tangible, actionable, realistic steps to take to prevent this. I would love to be wrong on this. I would love to change my mind and find a better way forward. Please.

Alright, I've finished looking into the Mordred situation. The TL;DR is that Mordred (Fate) has been disqualified from the tournament moving forward.

My initial reasoning in allowing characters from across the gender spectrum (i.e. Chara, Nimona, Perihelion/ART) was that "girlboss" is a term some nonbinary and male individuals have applied to themselves, or had applied to them by others that they then accepted. Gender experiences are broad and characters who fail to see themselves as "girls" may still be comfortable seeing themselves as "girlbosses." (Similarly, there are many people who embrace being a girl but reject being a woman, or vice-versa - one of my headmates is among these.

However, the parts of Mordred's story that are commonly read as trans or gender-nonconforming elements seem to reject the idea that "girlboss" is an appropriate label for him. For those unfamiliar with the Fate franchise, here are the bullet points. (Note that I myself am not a Fate fan, so any Fate fans in the audience, correct me if I'm wrong on any of these or missed important points.)

Mordred's description in his Saber form uses he/him pronouns for him in multiple places.

Mordred's description in his Saber form explicitly states that "treating him as a woman" will activate his rage (as will "being too obvious about treating him as a man.")

In the original Japanese, Mordred uses a set of first-person pronouns that, while not explicitly gendered, are usually associated with a masculine adult.

There are multiple instances where Mordred snaps and makes violent threats at other characters for referring to him as a "girl" or "woman."

For the sake of balance, I'll also note the following points against the idea of a transmasculine Mordred:

Mordred's description in Rider form uses she/her pronouns for her, as well as stating (in one translation) that she is avoiding grappling with her identity issues in order to enjoy her time at the beach.

Mordred is listed by the game explicitly in multiple places as being female. Contrast this to other canonically trans or gender nonconforming characters in the franchise, such as the nonbinary-coded Astolfo (whose gender is omitted "at their request") and the canonically transfeminine Leonardo Da Vinci (whose gender is listed as "young girl.")

Other characters use she/her pronouns for Mordred frequently.

I have chosen to exclude Mordred from this tournament because most of the points that support his masculine identity deal with his own image of masculinity, and what terms he self-applies, whereas the points against are generally based in his relationship to others and the frameworks that they put upon him.

In practical terms, this means that Nana Daiba (Revue Starlight) is automatically the winner of Round 1 Match 86 and advancing to the next round regardless of the results of the vote. The loser of Round 1 Match 85, Odin (The Bifrost Incident) vs. Enma Ai (Jigoku Shoujo) will automatically win her first match in the loser's bracket, as there is no longer a loser from Round 1 Match 86 for her to battle. Apologies to the fans of Mordred who read his character as feminine and were rooting for her in this poll. Despite my making this decision, I do not endorse any unkindness to the submitter of Mordred, or those who voted for him.

Finally, I would like to apologize to any transgender or gender nonconforming fans of this poll who were offended by Mordred's inclusion in this poll or felt that it made the poll an unsafe or unaccepting place for them. I was not made aware of the complications surrounding this character's gender prior to the tournament, and had I known I would likely have excluded him on similar grounds. As a plural system in which many members are trans, I hope you will be able to forgive and trust us for this error in judgement and recognize that we are doing our best to moderate a poll involving many franchises with which we are not ourselves familiar. It is never our intention to erase the experiences of any transgender individual or invalidate any transgender representation with which those people identify.

— Namjoon, WEVERSE 221202

Hello, to everyone I love dearly.

I proffer you a hello at the tail ending of 2022.

Tomorrow will mark the 15th year since i started creating music, while in the last month of being in my 20s, my first album is set to be released soon.

There are a lot of complicated thoughts tangled/tangling inside my mind, but one thought of all the work i have done, my previous and the current works of mine, was to release this one album, that's the only thing that is being repeated inside my mind all this time.

First of all, thank you all so much. With the trust that so many have noticed/become aware and caught on to my trivial but earnestness of mine. I was able to become more brave and be able to blend music truthfully with the languages that are close to my heart in the current shaping.

I am so / i am really lucky

In all my honesty, i didn't have any thought/could not decide on what song i wanted for the title track. all the songs i have created are equally important to me, seriously.

In the current era of streaming, I feel nervous and a little frightened to have a 4 minute and 33 second song that is only korean/hangul written in its title. But none of the songs were intended to cause any hype or noise from the very beginning! (i really mean it)

Just like ID, an archive [of rkive] i think it is going to be enough if these songs are recorded and bloom inside the minds of many people and their heart. with their everlasting same scent they always had before even after time passes through.

Some of you might have found it a little strange and odd that i had so many other artists participate in my first solo album, but however this album is an album like no other but more like an art exhibit that i curated myself. if you could / but you once look and hear my harmony with them, you will be able to understand the frequencies of the wavelenths created by all the people who participated are irreplaceaable / could not be replaced. they were all my first priority and number one artists that i always wanted to work with and recruit!

I, above all, more than anything, i sincerely owe all of them my time, my debt, hours, months and even years of my life. I have always wanted to become a person like that as well to someone else.

I have already made and recorded so much content and as the release is nearing, i am in the state of feeling alone and empty, so i am home drinking with myself but... as like it was 10 years ago, i am trying my hardest not to doubt that sincerity will be of sincere and with love will surely reach as such love.

Although, i did not plan or design it out fully from the beginning like i did with MONO, like the description states "10 blues included", when you lay down and spread them out, they become so beautiful and so many diverse shades of indigo that were hidden within inside me. so please, i request that you will listen to the (songs) in order.

As i am planning on unfolding this album with loads of my own content that i have thought of since long before now,. it would really be nice if everyone likes the album. but i am still trying to keep my mind set to calm when i thinking if nobody does like it. with the attitude of "well if not, what about it then?" but with the confidence of believing that there is one / there is someone else who shares those blues that pleases you out of ten blues. i will see you all tomorrow.

With these same old expressions, the same gestures but in a more organized way made in wavelengths of frequencies, i send you my words in a letter and i would be grateful if you receive it all dearly.

Wishing and hoping that all of these songs will not be some reckless bravado boldness but with the same courage you all have given to me

- NAMJOON

Trans © Hana at @For-yoongi0309 | Please do not remove credits or claim as yours

8. What of yourself has surprised you in these recent years?

Giant Munday Meme

To be genuinely honest? I never thought I would find the confidence and belief in myself to be honest about who I am. Coming out as trans last year is something that I've been painfully aware of for an extremely long time. (Since I was 16, at least, and I'm about to turn 30 in July.)

I spent a lot of time trying to convince myself that I wasn't a transman. My family reacted poorly to me coming out as gay, and I don't fully trust that any of them, besides my siblings, will embrace me when I eventually come out to them as a man. I'm only out in online spaces, and with very select friends. It doesn't help that my ex spent a long time making me feel as though I wasn't actually "trans enough" to come out.

So, the fact that I'm now comfortably using my pronouns and embracing my identity even a little bit, surprises me a lot. Didn't think I'd ever get to this place.

long ramble, haven't had one of these in a while! if you read this, have fun. it's headcanons/thoughts on some stuff. i don't talk about my thoughts on story stuff publicly much anymore especially because 1) i'm shy 2) trust issues 3) bad rsd 4) i forgot the last point

i was writing for oNCE yesterday (some headcanon stuff, for myself, won't be posting that unless i change the wording of some of it to make more sense because i ramble a lot and it's a mess. like i am doing right now. also that turned into being mostly about hr in the end because i am ill. now hopefully this motivation will get me to write my mary and archie stuff.)

and when i went to bed i was thinking about some stuff in toontown, mostly the cogs - and how things work. these are things i ponder on very often and have talked about with my friends many time, throwing ideas back and forth and my headcanons for how things work.

though, there's one thing i really wonder about, and that's where cogs come from in ttcc exactly. in 'that' way though of course to keep things on the same rating as the game is i won't discuss anything explicit so don't worry. (besides they're robots and also are sexless to me, anything related to gender is purely cosmetic to them. you are usually assigned a certain expression when built though, but can change that later on. that's how i explain trans cogs.)

i think about how there are canonical families and children, and that they have "built" dates and places where they've been built. it's obvious as they're robots, they're not born they're built and made.

it's a bit difficult to explore with the limited info we have, which is kind of both an hassle to work with, but also beautiful because you can let your creativity go and make up your own headcanons, without things being set in too much canon. it's also difficult due to how different the suit culture is to us humans and also what we see from the toons which is by nature more familiar to us.

we also do not know much about suitopia, or other possible places where cogs live.

(i, personally, imagine suitopia as essentially a big country where most if not all cogs live. it has it's own regions, cities... all that. where as c.o.g.s. inc has built itself to be essentially it's own small country/community, if that makes sense. though cogs don't always only mention suitopia, at least once 'the whole world' is used. this is irrelevant tho so i won't discuss that but it's still a 'core' headcanon i have - as other things i may hc rely on this personal interpretation / headcanon.

but be aware i do not know everything is canon and can discuss things outside my realm of HCs and interpretations, but if i go deeper into like, let's say, analyzing a cog and imagining their backstory, instantly assume i'm using all these things. sorry for the side ramble, i want to make things clear for possible future reference.)

i wish it will be expanded upon slightly in the future, even a slightest crumb of what it's like out there and i can have a field day with it. i do enjoy the vagueness tho, again, as i've said we do not need to have all the information out there and it's not necessary to the main stories that are being told but MAN my brain itches for MORE. i demand EXPLANATIONS. and so i make up my own lol and i love that i can do that /gen (there's some stuff i do have an issue with that it was not explained better, but again, fixed that with hcs. talking abt atticus but im not getting into that rn)

there also may be things i am missing - i have known of ttcc's existence since it's early days, but i wasn't there for it and missed being there in person for any lore until i started playing for real in early 2023 and became a part of the community. like, there ARE things i have missed AND small details i am missing. that's one criticism i have about some info being more difficult to access now, but the main stuff is on the wiki an all luckily.

anyways that ramble out of the way... how the heck are cogs made? there's a few ways, that seem contradictory in some ways at first but i just see it as different methods.

we know cogs can change their appearances (their shell) and be "upgraded". we know cogs can even choose to be just their skelecogs (Atticus) and i suppose every other skelecog we see.) we know cogs have families and have their own kids. (cathal and bobby jr come to mind, and also belle's own kids and grandkids. not to mention, we have siblings too - thomas and robert. and their whole family drama DOES involve their unseen parents.) we know many cogs, mostly the managers, come into the company as their are - but also new parts are built, at least for the employee cogs in sellbot hq. (recently re-read the dialogue which confirmed this - literally as you're building your sellbot suit.)

we know cogs are more than just some working machines and do have deeper lives and desires and even relationships, though all instances of a parent/child relationship in ttcc have only one parent. makes sense after all they don't reproduce sexually to put it that way, again they're built and they're robots.)

it's easy to conclude, that, cogs are just built. which is true. but it just makes me wonder. we know they age. we have at least 1 cog who is a literal child, and bobby, in human years at least, looks no older than like, 8 years old. (we also don't know how cogs age. we also know cog's don't die like that, due to the whole deal with atticus. i will talk about this one day i have so many thoughts on it)

we know they grow up and even have schools - they're not programmed with everything. they earn experience as they live life and even have?? education systems? like they're more like people than we thought. (ttcc does make cogs more easily sympathized with and gives us INDIVIDUAL cogs and not just... 'The Cogs'. cogs are the focus of ttcc so of course they're developed more and are more 'human' despite being machines.)

so clearly, there's cogs like bobby. who are built young and eventually grow up. we have not seen a cog growing up yet, at least i don't think. but i wonder how that works. through cartoon logic, do they just grow up? their skelecog and perhaps their shell, too? or do they periodically get upgraded to be larger - wouldn't it make sense to built a cog as, well, an adult already? to program all these things? there may be more limits to this than we think, but also just... cultural things possibly.

the only cog CHILD (not just the child of someone - cathal's an adult. also, redd mention, but redd's adopted so he doesn't count) we ever see is bobby and, he is the child of robert, who is known to be very short. we don't know if bobby's going to grow up, or if this height is what he's just going to be like. we have one image where he's way smaller than robert, and other, more recent ones, where they're a similar heights. is that just art inconsistency due to the nature of all the (amazing) artwork being, well, volounteer work and that not everything is (or has to be) perfect? or did bobby really grow up. i'm talking about the wallet picture and the comics featuring bobby, by the way.

though, as things are, i'm sort of assuming that bobby's going to grow up or be upgraded in some way to "grow up"? i don't think we need an clear explanation for that, and in a universe like this 'cartoon logic' would be enough, but it's still something to think about.

like...how do cogs go about having kids, anyways? all instances we see are visually similar as well. cathal has the same gear for his neck as allan's body does, and they have the same head lightbulbs and wires. bobby jr and robert are both furniture.

i've always assumed that it's like in robots (the movie, that i havent watched in years which would be helpful for all this, probably.) if you decide to have a child just for the experience of raising a child, to have a legacy, or due to a bond with a partner - you literally just build one. perhaps not in the same way as in the movie - in here it definitely requires more paperwork and blueprints. but again, it's interesting to think about! hey company i want a CHILD. i look like this build them like me thanks here's some blueprints. (this also explains the amount of single parents. though belle has to have been married/is married as her honorific is listed as mrs. hey fun fact, non native english speaker here. i didnt know 'mrs' means a lady is married until like this year. i've been on this earth for 19 years.)

like the concept of family is possibly just more social there than anything. duh... can't exactly have the same oil and wires inside of you as Robots .

anyways, so that explains kids... but what about the others? some cogs don't have any families mentioned but it's not hard to assume they come from families with parents and siblings as well. what about the employee cogs? who are quite literally very disposable in a way?

we do have to take into account that after all, employee cogs we see just on and about on the streets are mostly a game mechanic, and there are some individual cogs who ARE cogs who would typically be employees cogs. (jennifer comes to mind first, she's a micromanager but also a secretary and counts as a manager. same goes for judy and so forth.)

and y'know, the game won't have a personality and backstory for each random flunky on the streets you fight. but with often they get destroyed and repaired and that there's just... so many of them! of the same model and appearance... makes you think. is that why they were made? are they truly more robotic than the others, more devoid of 'humanity'? or were they different cogs, perhaps more lower class, who's appearances were changed entirely to fit into more easily fixable and replaceable shell forms? something that's less expensive for the company and for them? i swear i am missing some details on this, but that's for me to re read the wiki and cogs ink for on my own later. (i need to have full info n everything and if i dont bring up that i know one small detail i will explode bc someone will bring it up and make me feel dumb and that's the rsd part and it's often physically painful!)

very hard to tell, i'm sort of content with my thoughts on how cogs have kids, but i hope we ever get a bit more clarity on employee cogs - though it is a bit problematic as these are the guys you beat up on the daily who don't have individual personalities.

like i'm just rambling as i go here man, it was gonna be cohesive but i'm just spitting thoughts here now. like, we have 3 seperate skelecog types - all cogs come with a skelecog like we have a skeleton so that also comes into play. it can be adjusted in ways, most notably the head and also in size. though we do have a 4 arm cog. jason please i love you /p we need more jason content. it's wacky, it's tacky - it's toontown!

fun stuff to think about but i just deep fried my brain. tdlr i guess.

how cogs made. how cogs have kids. how cogs work in general. very swag very cool. guzma cathal spades spamtongender goes on 1568854 different tangents while saying they wont aka your swagesty your adhd symptoms are showing

that's it fellas enjoy 2k words of incomprehensible rambles that i am happy to finally get out! you see the way i explain things is precisely why i almost never do it publicly and i need practice shortening things.

Introduction post!!!

Well, i might as well let everyone know stuff about me huh.

Gender/Sexuality + Diagnoses.

I am Transgender! I found out i was trans when i was really young, I never felt like a female, and i knew i never was. I was never attracted to girls or boys in general, I never understood the hype around dating, i tried it a lot of times, never lasted long until, i saw someone, a boy in my class who i crushed on in an instant, He's trans as well- and I really like them, i saw in my class a few weeks ago, and i really think their pretty... I'm also asexual, i never liked sexual relationships.

I have been diagnosed with ADHD, Depression, Anxiety, Trust issues and reading disability. (Plus undiagnosed ASD.)

My adhd is hard to struggle with, even on Medication. I forget my meds a lot, so they don't have an effect on me, but i keep trying to remember. My anxiety affects my life all the time, it's severe and i hate it. I wish i could talk to people more without worrying, Which is why I stay on the internet. Then my reading disability.. I can't explain it but it's CLOSE to dyslexia, Making it hard to read, write and affects my understanding of reading out letters and pronouncing them. My depression was always so severe, it never went down and im still struggling, its hard with trust issues and depression, makes it hard to trust people.

TRAUMA. (CW)

I don't tell everything, but i have been traumatized all my life, Abuse, SA, and forced relationships which let me down... Bad paths. (S-h, Suicide attempts.)

I don't talk about it to anyone but my cousin since i love them with all my heart. I have been SA at young ages, even by people younger than me, it sucks, and I'm recovering luckily! Just to spread awareness to all of the people who experience or is experiencing this, trust me i won't last forever!

NAMES.

I just go by Ash since it's my trans name! I never liked my dead name, it's supposed to be religious but i never believed in Jesus, God or whatever.

ASHHERSIMPS is just 'Ashher' and 'simps.' Because men.. I love.

INTERESTS.

Call of Duty, FNAF, Tadc, Omori (still getting into it.), Demon slayer, Obey me: Shall we date? Nightbringer!, Music, etc. (If i told all of them.. Well, it would take a while.)

My special interests are COD, FNAF and OM, very much brainrotted by it 24/7. Also do i ship? No, not often actually, i really ship GHOSTSOAP though, it's the only ship i'm interested in.

DNI

The basics. Like rape defenders, racism, Hemophobia/Transphobia, Anti-shippers, Toxic people in gen.. Just, have common sense.

....

Thats really it.. I took the format from my cousin (Stormy) bc i can, trust me!!!. Anyway yea.. Sorry if it's not a lot, i have a hard time explaining myself since i use hand gesturs but this is tumblr so.. I'll have to deal with words. If there are mistakes in this, don't bother telling me.

What is exactly is the deal with pretty-boy-thamaturge? I know you reblogged a post about them and even though I'm not into that fandom that is, I checked to block anyway and they have you on a post that says ask to follow if you support him. They also made a post about a transmed stalking them, but I don't for sure know if they're referring to you, but I've been following you since you drew Zelda stuff and well, you definitely do not seem like one. Mainly I'm just concerned about their deal wit

The basic low down is that they're a self admitted conservative, pro cop, and are transphobic (even if they id as trans now, they still back up and support transphobic ideologies) so like. In general just not a good person with their world views lmao

I am Definitely not a transmed, if they were talking about me i have no idea where they would even get that from, i literally have transmed under my dni criteria in my carrd so. Lol, im also a very high fem non op trans man myself so me being transmed literally makes 0 sense fjskv

But to summerize my Personal issues with this person as best and as short as possible. I have osdd with a system member that kins faux and is not comfortable with doubles (they can cause very bad episodes of unreality that can become potentially dangerous for the body), they have did with a system member that kins faux and is not comfortable with doubles (for similar reasons as far as im aware), they joined a brc server im in (a public fandom server, not meant for kinnie stuff, mind you), and put in their intro like. Literally me no doubles or smth along those lines and listed faux, so I, in good faith, messaged them to let them know that i also kin faux and am not comfortable with doubles and would like to work something out so we could both be in the server and still be comfortable, they didnt take it well, ended up leaving the server (or being removed, still not sure what happened there because they were causing issues in the server Anyways), and then they proceeded to just be? Very weird fjeg, they had me blocked certain places, but didnt have me blocked on others, and would still try to interact with me as if we were chill. For some reason even tho i apparently trigger them (which. Idk if someone triggered me by just simply existing i wouldnt try talking to them DJDG), i ended up blocking them on everything once i was told about the kind of transphobic shit they were retweeting and them being a cop boot licker, and honestly. If anyone was doing any stalking it was them, because atp i simply forgot about it and redid my carrd to what it is now, and literally within a handful of hours of me doing it, like within the same night, i was told and shown that they redid their entire carrd to look basically exactly the same as mine, and even stole the icon i edited myself specifically for My carrd, the one im using as my icon rn, but they used the same bg and shit and while like. Everything else there could be plausible deniability on why it was the same. The fact that they took the icon i made myself just made it obvious they took everything from my carrd, they have since changed it a bit to look at least. A bit different, but are still using my icon lmao, so again, if anyone was the stalker in this situation it was def them because how would they see i changed my carrd That quickly after i had already blocked them and then. Choose to basically copy it if they werent checking my shit like. Is that not stalkerish behaviour DJSKG

Theres some other shit with them pretending to be a 3rd party to defend themselves in my bfs inbox but they ended up forgetting to hit anon on a follow up message they sent which basically just. Outed them for lying about being a third party who "doesnt know them very well but had to get on a call with them to calm them down" which like. Lol okay, mostly that's just cringe but also goes to show that they're not a trust worthy person who lies to try to defend themselves lmao

My main issues with them anyways isnt really with the personal shit, i dont like them for it sure, but i think the fact that they're trying to hide being conservative on tumblr while making it obvious on twitter by once again, interacting and retweeting from notoriously bigoted people and accounts is honestly deplorable, especially in a fandom that has a lot of trans people in it who def Would Not interact or associate with them if they knew the type of shit they were rting and posting on twitter. Hell they even admitted to being conservative themself in the replies of one of my posts, like. Idk PERSONALLY i just dont think we should allow for bigots in fandom spaces that are, again, full of many trans people. Also being pro cop but being into a game that is Very Anti Cop. Like how did you miss the point that bad lmfao

BASICALLY TLDR they are not a good or trust worthy person and anyone who is trans or anti cop or really have any morals at all should stay far far away from them lmao

EDIT: WAS JUST INFORMED THEY COPIED MY N$F￦ TWITTER HANDLE TOO. @ THIS PERSON IF YOU SEE THIS POST LEAVE ME ALONE FOR GODS SAKE FJSKGSGD

hello!! I’ve seen you post a lot about the idea that butch and femme relationships come with roles that both butches and femmes have to fulfill, and thought off the top of my head that you might be a reliable person to ask to elaborate slightly on that concept? Like, what defines these “roles” and how are people meant to interact with them?

I feel I may fit into one of these categories, however I am relatively “newly liberated” in my self expression so I havent really navigated either one. That’s mostly irrelevant, but just for context in case it helps. I’m fully aware you’re most likely not a walking historical database so if you’re not up to answering, (obviously) absolutely no pressure!! It seems to be a very important aspect of femme/butch identity that’s being erased to an extent by modern discourse and expression, and I don’t want to solidify my external identity in a way that participated in that kind of erasure. Though, again, feel free to ignore this completely.

Cheers!

it has been way too long and i am so sorry for not answering this sooner, i really wanted to get this Right, yknow?

First of all, I just want to say thank you for coming to me about this, I feel very honoured that you trust me with your questions — with that being said I feel it is important for me to tell you that I’ve only identified with the femme role for around 3 years. I by no means consider myself a ‘baby femme’ but in terms of longevity, I am still new and learning and coming to terms with what femme means and what it means to identify with that role. Alongside this, I recognise that butch/femme is not necessarily lesbian-exclusive, though I am coming at this through the lens of being a lesbian myself.

Another thing- this might get long, and I may also come back to add anything I think of later, so if you would ever like to DM me, please feel free. 🩷

For ease, I will be referring to butch-femme as BF. 

While there are no criteria in terms of set ‘rules’ for being butch or femme, there are general ideals and roles that are typical within BF relationships and their respective individual identities. Not only that, when experiencing these roles and living them, they’re not supposed to feel restrictive; and they do feel that way, then these labels might not be for you- which is okay, but I’ve recently seen a lot of comments suggesting that BF culture is restrictive and doesn’t feel freeing. This isn’t the case for those who are BF- I found such freedom when I learned and grew into the femme identity- and I know this is the case for the majority of butches and femmes I see online. 

I wish I could find the full quote, but I once saw someone refer to butches as being ‘the helpful one’. Which, in my opinion, is absolutely true– to me it feels adjacent and much alike to the concept of butch chivalry! 

". . . a butch is someone who has taken on the best gendered characteristics of both woman and man, left a lot of the stuff born of misogyny and heterosexism behind, and walked forward into the world without apology." – S. Bear Bergman, "Butch Is a Noun"

I am femme. I find comfort in butch lesbians and protecting them. I love being on my butch’s arm. I love being confusing to cis and straight people because they look at me and don’t understand me. Exploring my femininity through being femme has brought liberation in a way I didn’t know was possible.

I think a big misconception about BF identities is that only butches can fall into ‘gender non-conforming’ and femmes only fall into it because of their relationship with butches, this can be the case for some femmes but, certainly not all. While femmes are typically feminine presenting, we can and are still be gnc, non-binary, trans, etc. Many femmes will present feminine, but it is often a different kind of feminine and one that is rooted in their gender and sexuality– we will choose not to shave our armpits or legs while wearing our skirts and dresses. Femme is exaggerated and rooted in queerness and LGBT identity.  

You are right, in saying important aspects of BF culture have seemed to be erased; I don’t know if this is solely due to modern discourse, but I feel a part of this is a lack of BF-specific spaces. I find this, especially in smaller cities and areas where BF culture - and lesbian subcultures as a whole - are virtually non-existent. For example, my country, and by effect, my city, has very limited BF-specific events, clubs, etc. Whereas if you went to NYC, you might find more of the culture there. 

In my experience, a lot of the BF subculture has been found online, through literature, and through art. If you haven’t already, I really do urge you to read the likes of Stone Butch Blues, The Persistent Desire: A Femme-Butch Reader, Persistence: All Ways Butch and Femme. I haven’t read Boots of Leather, Slippers of Gold: The History of a Lesbian Community by Elizabeth Lapovsky Kennedy, but I hear it’s also a good introduction on the history of BF identities. 

I think what can be daunting about BF identities is there are more identities within them - Stone Butch, Stone Femme, High Femme etc. and exploring these are also quite scary- especially when it comes to trauma and past experiences. I don’t want to get into this too much, but if you have follow-up questions, I will absolutely do my best to answer, though, Stone Femme [tops] and stone butch [bottoms] exist and are loved. 

Final thoughts before I go on separate tangents… There is no one size fits all when it comes to BF identities. You are well-within your right to try different labels and see how they fit, and if they don’t fit then that’s okay! It’s all a learning experience.

Hello! Welcome my sideblog! If you want to see me post about not Supernatural, my main is @drowninginredink.

If you're not going to read this introduction, it/its please, yes I am actually schizophrenic, and beware, incest lies ahead. The rest is below the cut.

Fics:

Sissy - trans femme!Dean/John

I remember when your head caught flame - Sam/John, underage, first kiss

But they were fucked up in their turn - closeted trans femme!Dean & closeted trans femme!John

Webweaves:

Sober II/samjohn

I Haven't Masturbated in Five Days for Fear of Crying/wincest

An Overdue Downfall/Sam

Z-E-P-H-Y-R/Sam and Dean (and the Impala)

less words/wincest

Bike/wincest

San Cristóbal/Sam

Father/deanjohn

All the posts about my pet headcanon are tagged "#schizophrenic sam winchester." Creative, I know. The occasional solely schizophrenia related posts are tagged "#schizospec education." Queue tag is #hallqueuecinations and oh boy do I have way too much stuff queued. I do tag ships so you can filter them out if you want to, but like... I am a johndean and wincest person. If you really don't want to see that, you should just leave.

I am watching SPN for the first time and am currently on episode S2 E6. I told myself I was going to wait until I finished S2 to start this blog... and then until I finished S1... and then my queue hit 100 posts and I realized I should just start it already. That said, don't worry about spoiling me. Trust me, I've already been all over SPN tumblr. And yes, I am already headcanoning Sam as schizophrenic despite having not yet gotten to the part where he actually hallucinates. Pretty early on, I'd seen enough from the fandom to know that Sam was going to give me ~feelings~ as a schizophrenic, but Home was what sold me on it. The way he responds to the vision is exactly like my experience of delusions. It's like having blinders on. You can't think about anything else and you need to figure it all out and fix it right this minute. It's urgent and obsessive in the same way Sam was. His body language, too, was just perfect, down to just what he did with his hands. I look at Sam, especially Sam getting visions, and I see myself. So. Sam Winchester is schizophrenic. Not in some "Sam hallucinated the entire show" way (God I hate those theories) or that none of the supernatural stuff is real. Everything we see is real, but Sam's brain also pulls some shit of its own.

A very important note, given the name of my blog: schizo is a slur. I reclaim it a lot. I was diagnosed by people who want to change the definition of schizophrenia, and so for a long time, I was explicitly told not to call myself schizophrenic. That's bullshit. My symptoms aren't quite traditional, and I am at the more mild end, but as per the current DSM? I'm schizophrenic. But because for a long time I got told "you're schizo-spec, but not schizophrenic," the word I associate myself with more than anything is schizo. I try to actually write out schizophrenic when I'm on this account, but in real life, I usually don't. But if you are not anywhere on the schizophrenia spectrum, you should not say it (unless you're tagging me). I don't want my handle to give anyone the idea that you can go around calling Sam a schizo. I can. You can't.

My purpose isn't directly to educate about schizophrenia, but I know that the general cultural perception of it misses a lot, so just by shouting about how I headcanon Sam as schizophrenic, I will accidentally teach you all things. In light of that, there will be the occasional reblog of not at all SPN related awareness posts, and my asks are always open. You all have my permission to ask rude and personal questions about it that you should not ask strangers. Schizophrenia is basically a special interest of mine at this point. I am very open about stuff, not so much because of desire to educate or what have you but just because part of my schizophrenia is having very little filter. I will say that if you ask me about the delusions I've had, you're going to get an incomplete answer because going into them too much can be triggering. Everything else is on the table, though.

My banner is from this webweave (which I made).

And once again, I am very much johndean trash, with a strong love for samjohn. I do certainly partake in my fair share of wincest as well, but really, I'm here for The Dad Ships. Point is, this blog is very much not an incest-free zone. I'd say that I'm sorry, but I'm not. You're watching The Incest Show. What do you expect? If you do not like that, block me now and move on.

Fun fact: my birthday is November 5. No wonder I eventually broke down and decided I needed to see what SPN actually was.