#& every time it happens i just spiral. i don't know what to trust or believe anymore
Text
From "And furthermore, I don't think it's our place to start suggesting that there should be a suggestion box!"
I'm not even entertaining the idea that anyone else could possibly have ideas more worthwhile than whatever Heaven's upper brass is telling me God wants. The System is perfect.
to "You can't judge the Almighty, Crawley."
OK, so not everything God does makes moral sense, but that's just because it's too ineffable for us to understand.
to "I don't think that's what God wants. And I don't think you want it, either."
I don't always believe Heaven is right. Something in me is incompatible with the System. I'm hoping there's a greater good than the bureaucracy I work for.
to "I'm not consulted on policy decisions, Crawley."
I'm tacitly admitting that I don't like what Heaven is doing here, but I'm powerless within the System.
to "If I were thwarting you, Heaven couldn't object!"
You've helped me believe Armageddon isn't part of the Ineffable Plan after all. Now I believe I CAN do something to stop it.
to "I have no intention of fighting in any war!"
I'm making my own personal decision here, without consideration for what the System wants.
to "I can make a difference!"
I'm certain that I personally have ideas more worthwhile than the rest of Heaven. I can change the System.
The growth is happening. I know it's slow (well, if you're a human, anyway), but it's happening.
I am wondering if this character development is going to work like a huge outward (inward?) spiral. Take steps to add a new perspective, then use that to start working on the next Big Problem, then circle back to the old problems and start dealing with them with the new perspective. Things are kind of circular, but on a different level every time, hence the spiral.
The first three are like: Refuse questioning Heaven's judgment on moral grounds -> Accept that some questioning is natural but God/Heaven are always right -> Accept that maybe my personal judgment is not always compatible with Heaven's. OK, now I've tentatively accepted that I have my own morality outside of Heaven's, but that is SO uncomfortable.
The second three are like: I have my own moral judgments, but I have no way to enforce them because of what is expected of me -> Maybe there is room for my own judgment in Heaven after all -> Actually, my judgment is important enough to refuse to do what is expected of me regardless of anyone else's Plans. OK, now Aziraphale can use his own judgment within the System.
And I don't know for sure, but maybe - hopefully? - the last three will be like: I trust my own judgment -> My judgment never succeeds when I try to force it on others -> Everyone needs to be free from coercion and I'm going to help that happen by doing things to undermine the System.
That last bit is written with an assumption that the Ball and Gabriel and Beelzebub's ultimate decision are a little bit of foreshadowing: Aziraphale seizing control in a way that is sort of scary, having a bunch of Experiences(TM) with other people including Crowley, then realizing that the only reasonable way to handle people "outside the system" is to let them do what they want. If that's NOT foreshadowing, or if it's different foreshadowing than what I think it's going to be, obviously this is completely off.
Also, I feel like if I'm right, this could illuminate the horrible things Aziraphale says in the Final Fifteen a little bit. I believe he has moved up slightly from thinking Good and Evil are absolutely inherent and immutable, and now believes they are literally Sides that can be chosen. Of course you wouldn't choose to work for the side that has explicitly characterized itself as Bad, even though we both know you didn't have a choice to start with! I'm giving you a choice now! He hasn't "gone backwards." It's just that he's embraced the "doing good is a choice" lesson without internalizing the "you can't divide people into Sides and enforce it using a system" lesson.
#good omens#aziraphale#good omens spoilers#good omens 2 spoilers#Me blathering about Aziraphale again! What else is new?
212 notes
·
View notes
Note
Just in connection to my reply to one of your posts with little baby Moe (Okay she wasn't a baby but you get it.)
I really, really need some scenes with the girls (all of them or one by one) where they tell Steve (and Eddie too) how amazing he is as a dad. Not as teeny tiny children but rather as teenagers or even as young adults. Just genuine love between them, no ulterior motives.
Because I feel like Steve NEEDS that too. Every now and then. I know parents always have moments where they feel like they've fucked up or that their children don't really like them. And I feel like Steve could spiral about these things on a bad day. Eddie telling him that the girls love him to pieces doesn't help a lot on these days, I believe (You can correct me since it's definitely your universe and your Steve and Eddie).
So I'm just asking, very VERY politely :))), what you think those moments could look like and what the girls would say or why Steve even feels like he failed them. (Okay that's a LOT I'm asking of you, I'm sorry.) Just see where the flow takes you, if it does.
Thank you thank you thank you 🥰🥰🥰🥰
HAZEL
Steve was home alone with the kids because Eddie was away for a few days of work meetings in New York. The second day of Eddie’s absence, Steve was hit with a killer migraine – his first really bad one in a while – so he set the girls up with a movie (a long one) to give himself a couple hours to try sleeping it off.
A while later, he woke up to an alarm blaring – weird, he’d thought in the moment because he probably wouldn’t have set a loud alarm for a migraine nap (seems a little counter-intuitive), but everything about his brain was foggy so who's to say.
Then, outside the door, he heard this exchange between his two oldest daughters.
Moe: Papa can turn it off.
Robbie: But we’ll get in trouble.
Robbie: It’s on fire.
Half-convinced he was dreaming, he got up and followed the girls into the kitchen where, yep, the microwave was on fire. All Steve really remembers is unplugging it and leaving it to the elements outside.
Turns out Moe had wanted to make mac and cheese (which she knew how to do – they’d actually been about to graduate her to toaster privileges until this incident) and it had been a fluke timer-based accident.
Eddie had thought coming home to a melted microwave in their driveway was hilarious, but Steve was seriously rattled about it because it was the first time he'd felt like something had happened because of a failing on his part. He shouldn't have let himself succumb to the migraine, he should have pushed through it to be there for the girls, but he’d let himself slip and then they set the goddamn microwave on fire.
The same day he got back from his trip, Eddie went out and bought a new microwave (even though it’s one of those purchases Steve would normally handle because he doesn’t trust Eddie for a second to not buy the dumbest appliances he can find), and he took all three girls with him so Steve could have a bit of time alone. When they all returned an hour or two later, the sheer volume and amount of excitement they brought with them pretty much confirmed for Steve that whatever microwave Eddie bought had way more bells and whistles than any person on Earth could possibly need.
Steve didn’t go downstairs to greet them and not too long later, the door to his and Eddie’s room opened, and then three-year-old Hazel was climbing into bed and snuggling up close to him.
“There’s a new microwave,” she told him in her matter-of-fact way she reported on everything that happened in her world.
“I know,” he replied, running a hand through her tangled blonde curls (unlike Robbie, Hazel’s tolerance for “hair time”, as they call it, is pretty much rock-bottom – her hair is more frizz than curls these days and Steve is figuring out how to cope).
“Daddy wants to turn the old one into a diagram,” she continued.
Steve furrowed his eyebrows.
“A diagram?” he repeated.
“He wants to put all the melted spoons in and make them look cool and put it on a shelf.”
Oh – also, no fucking chance. Not in Steve’s kitchen.
“I think he said diorama, Haze.”
Hazel nodded.
Then she said, “You were like a firefighter.”
Steve refrains from pointing out that he shouldn’t have needed to be like a firefighter in the first place (because that would be putting his own issues onto his children and he doesn’t want to do that), even though he knows it’s true. He should have been there.
“You’re the best dad ever,” Hazel continued.
“Yeah?”
“Uh-huh,” she nods, and she’s just as matter-of-fact now as she was before, and she’s sitting on his chest in a way that has her little knees digging into his ribs, which should hurt but instead feels like a tether to the real world he can grasp onto and pull himself out of his head.
“You think we should go check out this microwave?” he asks, starting to sit up.
Hazel nods.
“Alright, let’s go.”
MOE
When Moe was 21 – a junior in college in New York City – she and her best friend since kindergarten, Gray, started dating (finally, in Steve’s opinion, because he’d seen that coming for ages).
Steve and Eddie have known Gray for as long as Moe has, and they’ve watched Gray grow up nearly as much as their three daughters – as a kindergartener with freckles and dark brown pigtails, as a middle-schooler tearfully coming out as non-binary knowing they’d have to hide it from their family, as a high school senior, still with all those freckles, eager for the fresh start that college would bring.
It was nice to be for Gray (and for a handful of their daughters’ other friends over the years) something that Eddie and Steve had needed when they were their age – a place where they could be themselves without any consequences, a place where they didn’t have to hide, because sometimes, as was the case for Gray for many years, you have to hide. It’s nice to have a safe haven where you don’t.
During Moe and Gray’s senior year of college, the pair made plans to come home for their final spring break. When that first week of March finally rolled around, Moe called from the train to tell them that Gray was finally pulling the trigger – finally coming out to their parents, finally telling them about their relationship with Moe.
“Are they sure,” Steve had asked – not because he doubted Gray but because he hadn’t been too much older when he’d taken that leap for himself and he’d felt the subsequent loss of his parents like mourning a death.
“Positive,” he’d heard Gray reply.
Three hours after their train dropped Moe and Gray off at the Wellesley Farms station, Steve and Eddie heard the back door open. A moment later, Moe trailed in with something heavy in her eyes.
“How’d it…” Eddie started to ask from where he and Steve sat on the couch, but he stopped when Moe shook her head.
“Not over yet,” she told them, “Gray made me leave. It’s a fucking trainwreck.”
And even though he knew that was always going to be the outcome, Steve’s heart still sank.
“Damn,” Eddie commented while Steve shook his head, “They’ll always have a home with us, but…”
“Yeah,” Moe nodded, “Still sucks.”
Steve recognizes something of his own experience in that – he feels so damn grateful that Jim and Joyce had slid into that parent role for him, especially after he’d become estranged from his actual parents in his mid-twenties. Still, they weren’t his parents, and Steve would’ve never not wanted his parents to pull through like they should have.
Moe sat down on the couch between her dads.
“Why did Gray make you leave?” Steve asked (even though he had a sneaking suspicion why).
“Uh…” Moe paused, pushing her blonde bangs back, “Well, I wouldn’t say I was yelling, exactly, but…I dunno. If you ask Gray they might tell you I was yelling.”
Yep, that seems about right.
“I just,” Moe continued, “I know Gray was prepared for this – for their parents, like, rejecting all of this – and I know they’ve always totally sucked so this was obviously how this was gonna go, but I think I had a hard time seeing it because I’d never really had to consider what it would be like for that to happen.”
Moe shook her head, her bangs falling right back into her eyes, and Steve had to resist the urge to ask if she wanted his help trimming them like he’d done when she was little.
“I just mean – it never made a difference to you who me and Haze and Robbie were or what we did. You just, like, love us regardless…and always, y’know? I never had to imagine anything happening to make that stop, and I never had to consider that it might not be like that for everyone.”
She paused again, this time for a while, her eyes trained on the carpet as she fiddled with cuffs on her jeans.
And then Moe looked Steve dead in the eye.
“You’re the best dads,” she said, “and I’m really, really lucky.”
ROBBIE
There were eight hours between Steve and Eddie finding out their fifteen-year-old daughter had been in a car crash during a school trip to Disney World and when they finally made it down to the hospital in Orlando she’d been taken to. There were another agonizing two before Robbie woke up.
When she did, her eyes groggily blinked open, and she looked blankly around the hospital room for a moment, and then she saw them.
Then her pale face crumples and suddenly she’s crying.
And that had Steve’s heart plummeting even faster than the phone call from hell he’d gotten eight hours earlier, because Robbie doesn’t cry.
He can’t remember the last time he’d seen her cry – not since she was a baby, anyway. She’d cried constantly as a baby, but the second she had a firm enough grasp on the English language it had ceased entirely, replaced by an endless stream of words – demands and trains of thought and exclamations and everything in between.
Eddie had joked that she’d only ever been crying out of frustration over not being able to tell them what she needed, and as soon as she could tell them, she had no use for it anymore, so seeing Robbie sobbing – the kind of crying where no sound could come out, where she was barely breathing, where her tears were soaking her cheeks and staining the collar of the hospital gown someone had changed her into – it practically had Steve crying himself.
After a few minutes of we’re here and you’re okay and what do you need, Robbie had tearfully admitted, “I need a hug,” and then she’d broken down again.
She wasn’t exactly in any position to get up, obviously, so Steve had taken off his shoes (because even through tears she’d still side-eyed his sneakers) and slid onto the hospital bed so he could pull Robbie into his arms just like he used to do when bad dreams woke her up in the middle of the night.
Later, when Eddie was just outside the hospital room talking to the nurse and the chaperone for the trip about the accident and how the school was planning on moving forward in the aftermath, Robbie finally spoke.
“Papa,” she said, her face pressed into his shoulder.
“Mm-hmm.”
“I’m sorry.”
Steve looked down at his daughter.
“Robbie, you don’t need to–”
“Not for this. For…just, like, in general. You–”
She paused, and Steve let her.
“I just mean…” she continued, “I haven’t been, like, good lately, and I’m sorry.”
Steve didn’t know what to say.
She’s not exactly wrong – it’s true that Robbie had been a total piece of work lately, especially since she started high school, especially since she got bumped up to the senior-level band class because she’s that good at the violin (which he and Eddie had been thrilled about initially until they realized it meant she was making friends with high school seniors) – but Steve didn’t exactly know how best to explain to her that up until this, up until she’d nearly died because of it and no matter how much Steve didn’t like it, it was normal.
It was normal for teenagers to do dumb shit, to hurt themselves, to hurt others, to drive their parents goddamn insane with worry. It wasn’t normal for them to nearly end up dead because of it, and this time it wasn’t really even her fault.
It sort of reminded him of Nancy in a way, of how Nancy had never been the same again after what happened to Barb, how Nancy had never let herself be a dumb teenager, never let herself relax, even though picking a boy over a friend was normal. Sneaking out and drinking during a badly-supervised school trip was normal. Sure, there were supposed to be consequences but there shouldn’t be a goddamn death toll.
“I know, Bean,” he finally said, something about the situation pulling out a nickname for her that he hadn’t used in a long time (because when she was born, Moe had turned Robin into Robbean and the rest was history).
“You’re really good to me,” Robbie whispered, “You and dad are so good to me, and I’m not always good back, and I’m sorry.”
“I don’t need you to be sorry,” Steve told her because, for right now at least, it was true, “Just…just stick around long enough to work with us, okay?”
Robbie nodded.
“Okay.”
#don’t ask about the melted spoons#eddie’s attention span is godawful#is this angst? i think this is angst#steddie#liv’s steddie dads verse#steddie dads#steve harrington#eddie munson
135 notes
·
View notes
Note
Yes so many constant teacher reader thoughts! What about early dating when she's had a really hard week at school, maybe she's been staying behind for parents night or something and is absolutely exhausted. She's not replying to Matty as much or just giving him short ideas and him being Matty starts to worry that she's having second thoughts about their relationship
Omg people having thoughts about my au is so cool… and this is such a good thought.
You and Matty have only recently started dating, maybe a month and a bit? And matty thinks it's been going perfectly, but he can't help but feel insecure about the relationship. He is so madly in love with you and has been for so long. He can't help but be nervous he's going to lose you. And he can't bear the thought because he's only just managed to get you.
You reassure him when he asks that you want to be with him, that you were also pining over him for months, and that this is exactly what you wanted that whole time.
And Matty believes you, for the most part. But there's always that sneaking thought of “what if”. What if she hates me? What if she regrets this relationship? What if she thinks im wrong for her? What if this is all wrong?
////
it's been a stressful week at work. You have parent evening at the end of the week, which means it's lots of late nights preparing everything you're gonna say to each parent. It might seem easy to talk to parents about their kid's progress, but it's one of the worst parts of being a teacher.
It seems parents either think their child is an angel on earth or the spawn of Satan. You say one thing they can improve upon, and suddenly, a parent is jumping down your throat, “How could you? My little Amy is perfect!!” or they start scolding the child in front of you “You are useless! Why can't you just focus for 5 bloody minutes??”
So you've been fucking exhausted all week, and you've cancelled on Matty twice. You had a date on Monday, but you saw the pile of work on your desk and messaged to reschedule for Wednesday.
Matty then didn't hear from you all of Tuesday or Wednesday, so was already nervous you were mad at him. But when you text to cancel on Wednesday? His heart fucking dropped.
You must be second-thinking this whole thing. Maybe you decided the risk to your job was too much, or maybe Matty isn't how you wanted him to be.
But in an attempt to stop himself from spiralling too much, he texts George and details his worries. Of course, George simply calls him a twat and says “Trust me, she likes you. It's sickening being around the two of you for more than 10 minutes.”
Matty wants to tell George he and Charli are no better, but he leaves it for today and takes his friend's words at face value.
So he texts back saying it's fine and that he misses you. and each minute that passes by with no response is killing Matty slowly.
After 45 minutes of silence, you just reply “<3”, which doesn't exactly help Matty’s mental state.
He texts you every day, and each day, your responses get shorter and shorter. Until it's Sunday, and he hasn't heard from you since Friday evening.
It's then he decides you must be rethinking this, rethinking him. there is no reason why you would be ignoring him otherwise. And it fucking shatters him, he goes into break-up mode before any break-up even happens.
He drops Annie off at Hanns and stops at Tesco, grabbing ice cream, red wine, and tissues. He wants to feel like a girl in a shit romantic comedy, so he's gonna do just that.
2 bottles of wine later, Matty thinks it's the perfect time to call you… despite it being 3 am. Needless to say, you don't answer. But Matty being Matty, he leaves a wine-drunk voicemail.
“Heyyyyy y/n. It's Matty. Your boyfriend. I think… anyway, im just calling to say you can just dump me, you know? You don't have to be nice or anything. I won't turn Annie against you. But I don't think I could even if I wanted to, m’ pretty sure she likes you more than me already. But whatever… I've had a few bottles of wine and just thought I should call and tell you im fineeee. Totally fineeee. So yeah, if we’re over of whatever, you can let me know. Because im fine. Like so fine…. Okay, bye.”
And with that, he passes out on the sofa, spilling wine on his rug that he will be forced to scrub tomorrow.
///////
It's 7 a.m., and Matty's head is banging, so much so it sounds like someone is hammering on his door. Oh, wait. Someone is hammering on his door.
He stumbles off the sofa and catches a glance in the mirror, his eyes are hollowed, and heavy bags sit beneath them. Half his curls are flattened and stuck to his head, whereas the others are sticking on end like he had been electrocuted.
“Ye-” he starts to speak as he opens the door, but you storm in talking before he can even get one word out.
“BREAK UP WITH YOU? WHY WOULD I BREAK UP WITH YOU?” You stand in Matty’s front room with your hands on your hips. clearly, you had stormed straight over here from your flat, not even bothering to get out of your Halloween pyjamas (it is like May btw <3).
Matty rubs at his eyes and blinks a few times, “what?” he asks, coughing as he finishes because Jesus Christ, his throat feels like it's full of sandpaper.
“...do you seriously not remember?” you shake your head at Matty with wide eyes, and he nervously shakes his head, and he swears he can almost see the steam coming out of your ears.
“Matty. You called me at 3 in the morning telling me to dump you. Why the fuck would you think that? Why would I ever dump you?” your voice is softer now and you've come closer to Matty, and he can see any rage you might have had was never really anger.
It was fear. Pure fucking fear.
“Oh.. that,” Matty says shyly, rubbing at his face and pulling it down.
“Yup. that,” you say, crossing your arms over your chest.
“Okay, im so sorry about that,” Matty starts to explain, desperate to get you to understand his fucking crazy brain, “I had a few bottles of wine and my stupid anxiety took over. You hadn't really spoken to me this week, and you cancelled our date, so I convinced myself you were having second thoughts. And drunk Matty thought the best course of action was a long rambling voicemail reassuring you that you can dump me.”
You nod slowly, and Matty seemingly can't stop his word vomit, “And you can if you want to! But I really don't want you to. Like at all. Im actually kind of obsessed with you, if im honest” Matty steps closer to you and pulls you into his chest.
Your arms remain limp at your sides for the first few seconds, and Matty wants to die. But just before he pulls away, your arms slip over his shoulders, and your fingers wind into his curls at the back of his neck.
You burrow your head in his neck, and Matty can feel you nodding, “Okay. That makes sense” he breathes a sigh of relief. Thank GOD you didn't dump him then and there.
You snap back and look at him intensely before saying, “But just so you know, I was planning for parent's evening this whole week. That's why I was so quiet. And I would never break up with you just by ghosting you. And if im being totally honest, I would never break up with you in the first place. or ever, really."
Matty nods and can't help the smile that comes on his face, you don't want to break up with him. ever.
You snap your fingers in front of his face before he can get too happy, “Hey don't you start smiling. I’m still pissed off at you… but you are especially cute in the mornings, so I feel you’re trying to manipulate me into forgiving you... are you?”
“Well that depends, is it working?” he teases
“Maybe... Shut up.”
#love the idea... not so sure about my execution#but oh nervous matty#like babe. im literally beyond obessed with you#there couldnt be less to worry about#teacher au!#anon!
78 notes
·
View notes
Text
Distractions [3/3]
Gonna wrap this up in 3 parts. Previous here.
Yo, WHAT was happening on Twitter this week?? Every time I opened the app there was a new analysis of the Goddamn couch scene. I didn't think Trigun could hurt me any more and yet here I am in a new spiral over an internet stranger's hot take.
Anywaaaaay, I've had this brainworm way before whatever angst got a hold of Twitter. I've always interpreted Vash and Wolfwood’s relationship as 'right people, wrong time'. But honestly, I love every interpretation of them - platonic, soulmates, lovers, etc. So, through these comics I wanted to show moments during their journey that conveyed the gradual evolution of their relationship (as I head cannon it lmao). Canonically, Vash never gets to tell Wolfwood how he feels and my poor little heart has been in denial about that ever since. So this is my *slight* rewriting of the series of events leading up to Wolfwood's solo journey.
At this point in the manga (ch. 50) I wanted to show that, despite the 7 month time skip, it's like no time has passed between them. They're still comfortable and casual with each other, still seeking the comfort of distractions - Neither of them wanting to shatter the illusion of normalcy in this moment. And I feel Vash would be the first to ask for more when reality comes knocking (through Wolfwood's fist lol).
He knows, even in a best-case scenario, his time with Wolfwood is limited. And while Vash is just as shackled by duty and guilt as Wolfwood, he carries an optimism about him that Wolfwood lacks. He needs Woolfwood to know how he feels so he can live without regret, regardless of the outcome. As such, he takes the leap. Wolfwood, unfortunately, cannot bring himself to share in that optimism. He’s too absorbed in worry about the orphanage, the children and especially Livio. His heart is screaming at him, but he knows he can’t afford to be distracted by his “selfish” desires. So, he rejects Vash by being realistic and hopes he can see that he wants this too, but just can't bear the impending heartbreak due to their circumstances. Vash does see this. He swallows his disappointment and heartbreak, earnestly grateful for the relationship he still has with Wolfwood.
I know my characterization feels like it conflicts with the moment on the couch; Vash can't even look at Wolfwood for that entire scene despite Wolfwood being the one to try and connect with him ("You look better...when you smile."). However, I never saw that moment as Vash rejecting Wolfwood. Not in the traditional sense at least (maybe an inadvertent rejection). Vash wanted more between them (to share his tomorrows), but not like this - not as a deathbed confession. He's heartbroken and grieving and (somewhat selfishly) can't see that Wolfwood just wants to enjoy his last moments with the one person on this planet he can call an equal and a friend.
Speaking of the dreaded couch scene, I don't think I can add anything new to the discourse, but I will say the tragedy for me really lies in all the emotions Wolfwood goes through:
Being at peace with his death ("This is the way you want it?" "Yeah."). It's what he believed he deserved, with all the blood on his hands, and the mutation of his body, he assumed he could never return to his previous life with everyone at the orphanage.
Grieving for his future (confetti). Wolfwood never believed he could be forgiven. The children celebrating his return showed their acceptance of him, welcoming him back regardless of his sins. He was worthy of forgiveness. His guilt prevented him from even entertaining the thought of forgiving himself. There must have been regret in those tears.
Seeking comfort from the one person he grew to truly trust and Vash not being strong enough to give it. I already mentioned this above, but Vash not even being able to look at Wolfwood throughout the entire couch scene tears me up.
From the narrative's perspective, Wolfwood needed to die. And even knowing that, it still absolutely destroyed me (and still does). Not just because he died, but because right before his death, he was given a glimmer of hope - that had he survived the fight with Livio, he would have had a chance at happiness.
Last side note here: I've seen discourse online explaining the entire scene is a metaphor for a wedding and I just wanna say, you'll be hearing from my therapist.
#congrats you made it to the bottom!#I really got carried away here#text rant#trigun spoilers#trigun maximum spoilers#trimax spoilers#trigun#trigun maximum#trimax#character study#vash my beloved#vash the stampede#trigun vash#trimax vash#wolfwood my beloved#nicholas d. wolfwood#nicholas d wolfwood#nicholas wolfwood#trigun wolfwood#wolfwood#vashwood#vash x wolfwood#wolfwood x vash#copium#screaming crying throwing up#thanks for coming to my ted talk
331 notes
·
View notes
Note
hi, so could you write an imagine Theo x. Reader, that reader finds out that Theo is working with the dread doctors and that he killed Scott and hurt the sheriff, and feels betrayed and asks him if what they had was ever been real etc. And then Theo then says that the dread doctors were gonna kill her if he didn't kill Scott and that it Was real... i don't know just you keep going with the flow and pls let there be like lots of fluff and a happy ending. Thank you!!!!
pang in my heart
my masterlist
Pairing: Theo Raeken x Reader
“He’s working for them, YN”
These words keep swirling around in your head, your chest heavy with pain.
You still felt like you couldn’t breathe, that what you heard wasn’t true and it was all a big misunderstanding. Theo couldn’t be working for the Dread Doctors. Not him, not your boyfriend. He was sweet and gentle and always helped you.
It just couldn’t be him.
Oh, but it was.
That little voice inside of your head was confirming what your heart didn’t want to acknowledge.
You heard someone knocking on your front door before you heard “Y/N?”, a voice which you immediately recognized.
Theo.
You got up from your bed and made your way downstairs, grateful that your parents weren’t home for the week. You stayed hidden in the shadows so he couldn’t see you through the window.
“Y/N, I know you’re home. Please just open the door and let me explain” his voice sounded so broken, which made a part of you want to open the door and let your feelings take over.
But he betrayed your trust. You couldn’t do that. You couldn’t allow yourself to fall into yet another of his traps like you foolishly did the first time.
“Please go away” your voice spoke before your mind could stop you.
“Y/N, I can explain everything, just please hear me out. I never meant for anyone to get hurt, this wasn’t part of the plan. Please just let me explain what happened and you can decide what you want to do after. I’m begging you” you were holding back tears as you listened to him, your forehead pressed against your front door.
You knew how much of a mistake you were about to make, but you couldn’t help it. Your hand found its way to the doorknob, unlocking the door and opening it to reveal a desperate looking Theo.
“Come in” you left the door open and made your way to the living room to take a seat on your couch, knowing that he was going to follow you.
You sat down and looked at him expectantly, trying to keep your emotions at bay.
“Can I take a seat?” he motioned to the other end of the couch, looking at you for approval.
Once you nodded your hear, he took a seat and took a deep breath.
“I never meant for this to happen, for things to spiral out of control and possibly put your life in any kind of danger. Hurting you or the pack was never my intention. Baby, they were going to kill you, said if I didn’t do what they asked me, they were going to kill all of you, torture you right in front of me. I couldn’t take any chances, not when your life was practically in my hands. I promised you I was never going to hurt you and I intend to keep that promise. It was supposed to be over, but they just kept making me do more and more and each time they would figure out new ways in which they could hurt you and I couldn’t allow that to happen. I’m sorry for everything, I never meant for this to happen, baby. You have to believe me” by the end of his speech, you had tears falling down your cheeks at a rapid pace.
“Was any of it real?” you whispered, your eyes focusing on anything else but Theo.
“Every single second with you was real, baby. There wasn’t a single moment when being with you was fake or pretendint, not one. I love you, and I’m so sorry for lying to you and keeping things from you, hurting you. Everything I did was to protect you, baby. Everything” he dared to take your hand in his, his hopes lifting a little when you didn’t pull away.
You knew you shouldn’t believe him. He had been lying to you almost your entire relationship and hiding the fact that he was working for the enemy.
But you did believe him. Your heart truly believed everything he had said to you. Why? Because you knew Theo, your Theo, and he would never intentionally do anything that would harm you or your friends. He would never betray you like that if he had a choice, which he clearly hadn’t been given.
“I wish you had just told me from the beginning” you started out, making his head snap up to look at you. “I probably would’ve understood. You lied to me and hurt my friends, and that’s fucked up. I love you, Theo, and I do believe that this wasn’t your choice. But baby, it’s going to take me a while before I trust you again. I’m willing to fight for us, but I need time to process everything before things can go back to normal” you explained, putting a hand on his cheek.
He leaned into your touch, his heart feeling full again after being ripped out of his chest.
“You take all the time you need, baby. I’ll be right here waiting for you to come back to me. I love you, and I would go to the end of the Earth to make sure you were safe and loved. I love you, Y/N”
“I love you, Theo” you whispered and leaned in, pressing your lips against his soft ones.
He wasn’t perfect, and he had made mistakes, but you loved him either way and nothing was going to change that.
Not even this.
comments and re-blogs help us grow!
much appreciated!!
JOIN MY TAG LIST HERE
REQUEST HERE
#imagines#oneshots#fanfiction#character x reader#one shot#teen wolf#theo raken imagine#theo raeken#scott mccall#teen wolf stiles#lydia martin#beacon hills#teen wolf x reader#theo raeken x reader#theo raeken x y/n#dread doctors#betrayal#love#make up
77 notes
·
View notes
Text
Gorgeous
Inspired by "Fear of you" from @sleepwalkersqueen
Note:The first chapter is done! My current goal is to write a chapter for each week but maybe it will take two weeks sometime but that is an issue for future me. I am really excited to see some feedback and how you guys like it:). On another note, while I try my best to keep a relatively straight line and facts with the original story some things might be wrong, please feel free to correct me if it happens ♥️. My current goal is a total of 5 chapters since I only want these to be a relatively short story that doesn't rewrite too much stuff happening in the original story because I obviously don't just wanna rewrite the fic. Please enjoy!
next>>
Warnings: I am not a therapist so please take everything written here not as a prime example or as a fact, mention of torture, curse words
Chapter 1
I always wanted to see what more Tartarus had to offer. I wanted to explore every single floor there was. Meeting a new and more dangerous villain each day. Getting to know their thought process, if there really was a bigger masterplan behind it.
Answering my questions that spiraled in my brain like an endless loop. Are they actually wicked? Do they have any sign of humanity in them? Are they just broken souls? Can such a broken mind be fixed? Cliché I know.
All these questions are the real reason why I wanted to work here. Luck was on my side at the time I applied, because they wanted to test out if a therapist might be able to help them with their work (Which basically summarized that they wanted to get more information out of the patients).
But even when I worked with them they still continued with the methods they used before. This did not help make progress since I also had to work with their new experienced trauma which was already bigger than the universe.
If I am honest they were hesitant to hire me, since I graduated young from university and had no experience whatsoever. It took over a month and another month of internship to make them believe that I was cut out for the job. Even now they still don't fully trust me with their whole system. After all, I was a weak point for them.
Once I had the job I was more than thrilled. Finally able to do what I dreamed of since I was a kid. Even though there was still much to achieve. Of course, there is also the aspect of trying to make them stop their own ways for mine to finally be able to bloom just a little bit.
Seeing the number two pro hero walk up to me one day with his mighty steps that sounded like mountains crashing together I would lie if I said I didn't feel my heartbeat stop for a moment. Let alone when he talked to me for two seconds before giving me all I ever wanted with his angry and demanding attitude.
The moment I was granted this wish of mine I regretted it. Not because I stopped believing in my dream but because seeing the actual part of no one should know is frightening. Frightening might even be an understatement.
Their voice, movements, and the way their bodies looked were scaringly disgusting. The air smelt rotten and it was cold not only because of the temperature. People are being drugged out of their brains to keep them calm, they all look like corpses that have been exposed to warmth and air for too long.
From my plain observation, it even seemed like mutants are treated worse than the other prisoners. Which is a common thing even in normal standards of society. I cannot even blame them because mutants can be incredibly scary.
Tartarus. A name that ran a chill down each villain's spine. A place where the moment you step into you may never escape alive. Rumors spread across the underground like wildfire. About what will happen once you are captured and what you have to endure.
The villains that are imprisoned in Tartarus don't make the facility this scary I realized. Maybe the good people think that they are the reason for all this talk, but this is where they are wrong.
"Do whatever you want"
Just remembering those four simple words made my skin crawl. Goosebumps spread across my body. A sentence you might say to a child that you have no interest in dealing with. Or maybe to your trusted hairstylist.
But not to a licensed therapist who is capable of either destroying you or building you back up. Or to the guards who held the interrogation.
The meaning behind the words held something so incredibly heavy I wanted to forget every memory of someone saying these words, no matter who or when.
Because they meant it. They didn't care if I did my job right or not because I wasn't even supposed to be there. I could do whatever I wanted with the person in front of me. The people who have no way of defending themselves because of their chains and quirk suppressors.
-------------------------------------------------------
The air in the small bright room was filled with tension that I created by possibly the worst mistake ever. The guards who were still in the room with me looked at me confused. The only comfort I had at the moment was that the person I directed the mistake to couldn't answer at the moment. But even seeing his eyes shoot up was enough to make me rethink my life choices.
I can clearly feel my face losing its color out of shock from my totally unprofessional behaviour.
"you're so gorgeous"
Whatever ghost possessed me to say that clearly needed new activities to entertain themselves.
With the love for everything I possessed, I cleared my throat and sat down on the chair at the table they provided.
"You can take off the muzzle" my voice rang through the empty room with an echo. It left a chill in my body hearing it so metallic.
The guards hesitated for a moment before they actually started doing their job. They left the room when I gave them another glare, signaling to give us privacy like I asked them to.
Takami-San looked physically exhausted yet his eyes remained sharpness that you don't see very often in patients around here. He had a big grin on his face that I wished I could just wipe off of his face, even if I was the cause of this.
For some reason, he stayed silent. Maybe it was because he was already taunting me or he was waiting for me to introduce myself, I couldn't tell.
"I am Howashi Amaya, I will be your assigned therapist" I introduced myself, a genuine and respectful smile resting on my face.
"Therapist? Sounds fake, they don't care about how fucked up I am" he tilts his head to the side, eyeing me up and down like a bird.
"You're right they don't care, which is why they told me to do whatever I want"
For some odd reason, he seemed to tense up from these words, I wonder why.
"So I decided to just do what I am best at"
"Being a charming girl?"
At that, I took a deep breath. I scrunched my face and looked down at my empty sheet of paper.
When I looked back up he was grinning again god he looked so good stupid.
"Actually no. I meant I will try to help you"
"Help me get out of this shithole?"
"not really I am afraid"
"Ahh shucks"
I waited for a second before actually starting my usual procedure. Which on second thought seemed to be a little too late.
"How has it been?" I click my pen while looking at him, ready to write down whatever I could tell from his response.
"Really? Do you actually ask people this in fucking prison?" His voice sounds raspy.
"I didn't ask how you felt, just how it has been. You could answer nearly everything on it. How you feel, how the people treated you-"
"fucking brilliant, you should get a medal for being a smartass"
"Thank you for calling me smart, I appreciate it"
I silently tap my pen on the paper. Waiting for any kind of reaction from him. As the silence settled I started to notice some weird marks on his neck, they looked kinda infected.
"What do you have on your neck there?" I gestured with the pen on my own neck.
As soon as the question was spoken he tensed and looked more traumatized than a baby chicken that just discovered the big scary world. He broke off the eye contact he previously held with me. His body huddled up in an attempt to look smaller and protect himself, probably with his wings but he wasn't able to do it. Uncomfortable if I need to describe it in one word.
I probably don't need a deeper answer to figure out why they might be there. I silently stand up and walk around the table. He tried to move away from my hands when I reached out but because of the chains, he couldn't move far enough away.
Ever so gently I pulled the collar down and placed my hands on the marks. A familiar warmth spread across my hands and I started to feel how the infected wounds closed and healed.
When I was done I took a step back looking satisfied down at him before returning to my chair.
"Aye... Of course, the doctor has a healing quirk" he mumbles silently.
"Do you have anything you wanna talk about?"
" Aye, why are you here? Never heard of someone like you even working here. Doesn't seem like their style to hire a fucking therapist to fix me or anyone really"
"Good question" I nod in agreement "The answer is simple, I am the only therapist around here. That is why you've never heard of me. The last question shouldn't bother you too much after all you have been here for quite some time and are already in debt worth more than my monthly check"
"Have you ever seen a therapist before?" I ask with a light smile on my face.
"Do I fucking look like it?"
Silence.
"Besides I don't need another bitch asking me any more questions, I have the sparkler for that"
"Sparkler? You mean the number two?"
"Nah I mean the nice guard's captain obvious"
Another silence.
"And I don't need anyone knowing about the stuff I tell him, it's private business." He said in an oddly calm voice.
That certainly amazed me, since I have seen all the recordings of their talk, except the first one. So he wasn't aware that everyone was still listening in. Maybe this will one day be their downfall, why would he be so stern about keeping this a secret if it wasn't necessary.
"Why should no one listen in?"
"Because I said so"
This will be a lot of fun.
"Well with me you can talk about everything you share with Endeavour. No one is listening or watching. I like to keep my talks up to my hands, especially what I share with the government"
And that was not a lie.
-------------------------------------------------------
The room was filled with the sunlight shining through the window above the kitchen counter. The light shone through the leaves of the plants sitting at the window.
It was peaceful. The air was fresh and smelled faintly of fish and rice.
The only sound that destroyed the peace was the TV that played the news
Yet the only real news would be that someone escaped Tartarus and that still isn't public information. I wonder what will happen once the public knows.
Once I turned the TV off the silence that came with it was broken with a call. When I read who was calling I felt my mood drop just a little bit.
"Howashi speaking, what can I help you with today hottest hero in Japan"
"He escaped me!" The man yelled angrily, ignoring my terrible joke.
"who escaped you?" I ask grinning widely.
"Takami! That fucking mutant had his brat stealing my wife's necklace"
He has a child? Now that is a surprise. Even a bigger surprise was that he was stupid enough to let his child steal something from him.
"And how is that my problem?" I ask while standing up and staring out the window biting my nails.
"You worked with him for five years! You know exactly what is going on in his stupid birdbrain" Endeavour yelled. I am not even sure why he is yelling at me, I would hear him loud and clear with a normal tone.
"First of all that is extremely rude talking about mutants like that, I am one as well after all, and not even different from Shinyo. Second just because I worked with him does not mean I understand everything he does"
"But you know where he might go"
I nervously tap my fingers on the kitchen counter. Closing my eyes to contemplate if I actually know where he might go.
If I break it down it comes back to one thing, he has a child and is currently taking care of them. But knowing he has unfinished business makes it counterproductive to take care of a child who has to be at least five or four years old. He probably didn't even know the child existed since he never talked about having one, only about his wife Nitsuki.
Nitsuki? Right, he might be searching for her so he can give her the child. But why wasn't she with them?
"I might have an idea but to be honest it is not crystal clear that he is with her"
"Her?"
"Takami Nitsuki, his wife. If he has a child he will certainly not have any time to deal with it and will try to bring it back. The only question I still have is if she really left the child alone and why he has to bring it back"
"Those are two questions and I want you to come to my agency to discuss this further" he demanded. Almost sounded like I didn't have a choice.
"Alright, I can fly over, when?"
"Now" and he hung up the phone after that. Not even a goodbye.
Once I was dressed and didn't look like I just got out of bed. I walk outside of my apartment building taking off my suppressors.
Once I felt the warmth on my back and my wings regrowing I took a small jump before dashing into the air.
I just hope this story will end on a relatively good note.
26 notes
·
View notes
Text
ok so! coping with schizophrenia/schizoaffective on low dose/no antipsychotics (I do use mood stabilizers still) info under the cut
1. process your emotions as they come!! (you've gotta figure out how you process best, journalling, visual art, talking things over with someone you trust, exercise, nature walks, yoga, writing poetry, whatever works best for you!) by as they come I mean: literally ASAP!! don't let it have time to marinate and get lost in your subconscious without properly addressing it! something that helps this is really paying attention to where and how you feel emotions (example: I feel guilt and anxiety like a ball in my chest, when I notice I feel it I know I gotta talk to someone ASAP!)
2. OK you're recognizing something you hear/see might not be there think about what stressful events have occurred recently, how does it relate? is there a common trigger (feeling, memory, situation, even a passing thought that occurred before the experience!) try to write down the contributing factors and what the experience was if you have the time! (writing in your phones notes app can quickly work!) acknowledge the experience: i saw this, it made me feel this. next try to redirect your thinking to something else! (I'll explain what I mean by this in 3)
3. OK so the experience happened, but I don't know why? acknowledge it, acknowledge what things it made you feel! now think of something unrelated that doesnt evoke a strong emotional reaction from you, redirecting thinking allows me to not ruminate and not increase emotions related to the experience which just makes me personally spiral!
4. you have better insight!!! congrats and if u dont have better insight we will talk,abour redirecting less intense experiences!!! now you can treat the mild experiences you may still have akin to intrusive thoughts! once again, acknowledge, redirect! or, if you're able to, you might be able to just redirect and not use the mental energy to acknowledge them every time when you're confident!
5. if you struggle with going outside due to paranoia, try to focus more on your feet and listen to some music or talk on the phone! I know personally the less I focus on my surroundings on bad days the less my surroundings seem looming and threatening, also if you're afraid of other people and have the confidence: offering a smile when you pass by someone helps me feel less afraid of others and from all the bs I learned in DBT "wide smile open hands" DOES work, open body language and smiles do make me feel more at ease in public!
6. STIM!! my main one in public is closing my hands tight then opening them, sadly some stims are stigmatized but if you feel comfortable it does make it easier to be out of safe spaces!
7. delusions, this gets tricky! for me, it's not about "changing the belief" because let's be honest, it's basically impossible! what helps me, in, the beginning: was "ok so there's two possibilities, 1. your belief is factual, 2. it's not factual" you want to operate your decisions and actions under meeting in the middle, and not doing anything extreme! (example: "my neighbour's are always talking about me and it distresses me": ok! maybe say hi and ask them how they're doing next time you see them, maybe it could improve their view of you! and if not, you're building a little connection with someone you live near!) (example 2: I am being targeted: "I should maybe tell someone I'm feeling anxious (for whatever reason you feel comfortable sharing) and tell someone to keep in touch with me!" it does not confirm that you actually are being targeted but sets up a safety net which can help with the pain of being persecuted without feeling believed) also recommend looking into double bookkeeping!!
#i only really talked about positive symptoms#but im still trying to work on my own#negative symptoms lol#txt#not tagging cause its not like proven it just helps me
44 notes
·
View notes
Text
OPM Manga Update 231 Review: Turning Point
"I've never been afraid of the highest heights, or afraid of flying now.
I've never been afraid of the wildest fights, not afraid of dying."
-- 'Changed the way you kiss me' Example (2011)
Summary: Yes, it's worth going over
While this chapter follows the latter half of chapter 108 of the webcomic closely, it's not exactly the same. ONE hasn't forgotten that a lot has happened in the manga.
Biggest fucking awesome change: how strong Genos is now. Hoo hoo! Now he too can move mountains.
what heights he's ascended!
Some key differences are that the Hero Association isn't yet spiralling into crisis from scandals and excessive destruction. It's just close as it struggles to cover up from leaks. I suspect we know who the leaker is, McCoy[1], but let's not dwell on that.
I really do appreciate how more persistent Saitama has been in questioning Genos's sources. It's an important line of questions and one someone like Accel should have been asking.
And of course, Saitama laughing at the 'I'll twist you' campaign.
The least awesome change: Genos's thinking about the way Saitama views him is far more extreme, from merely not watching to never having given a crap.
and what depths you've plunged!
What's stayed, well... you know how someone brings you a really terrible present and you go 'oh, you shouldn't have'? Well, that's how I feel.
However, shall we go onto the meta?
Meta
"But now I want off this ride 'cause you're scaring me and I don't like where we're going."
The reason I've picked Example's song as the theme to this meta is that it's apposite in that its protagonist has no fear of external challenges but is undone by interpersonal discord. Yes, other things happened, but this is the ten-ton elephant in the room and I don't think anyone reading this is here for anything else.
Everything tragic starts as a joke
I've said it before elsewhere: serious issues start out as throwaway gags that ONE then revisits and then wham! hits us with the seriousness of it. Link for the interested.
Something that had become a running gag in the story is how Saitama bullshits Genos. He has a characteristic serious yet smiling face that radiates confidence. He first pulled that face to get out of Genos following him during his hero activities and since then, he's pulled it to get out of awkward situations. Genos falls for it Every. Single. Time. I've laughed about it, made a post about it (can't find it at the moment), and wondered when Genos would finally catch on.
it was a gag...
Reader, this tragedy is unfolding because Genos DID NOT CATCH ON. When Saitama, fishing for a compliment, pulled his confident bullshitting face, Genos believed that he was once again, speaking with the most profound wisdom and depth of truth.
...and now it's tragic as he's saying the cruelest thing
And that's a disaster because a world in which Saitama truly believes is that he can't tell whether Genos is growing stronger is a world in which Saitama telling Genos that he'd become stronger was a lie. Well, Genos wouldn't call it a lie. He'd call it Saitama telling him that to spare his feelings.
to pour dirt and doubt on this experience is borderline unforgivable
We know that Saitama's quizzical I-don't-really-get-it-but-here's-what-I-think face is the honest one and his trust-me-I-got-this face is his making shit up, but Genos doesn't know that. He hasn't known that and he's not magically able to divine the truth. If Saitama's careless words, delivered with apparent authority hit them hard, it's testament to how much Genos believes in his wisdom. If Saitama is being dismissive of his efforts that must be because his efforts deserve dismissal.
If Saitama was just being nice then, then where else was he just being nice? Did he really just want his own space or had he just barely tolerated Genos in his life? Like a loose string that unravels an entire garment, there's no end to things when one starts questioning the sincerity of someone you'd trusted.
how far does this go?
Like a maniac firing burning arrows of death
Let's talk about Saitama and the trail of destruction he so often leaves in his wake.
With this chapter, I'm at peace with ONE revising chapter 164 and deciding that Saitama and Garou weren't to talk it out. Like Child Emperor and Phoenixman's fight changed because Child Emperor -- a kid who forgets the most basic tenets of battle -- isn't yet the person who can credibly pull off the hyper-complex strategy initially displayed. Let's consider it a promise for the future direction of the character. One of these days, Saitama is going to be the guy who can sensitively and honestly speak to a troubled young man, deliberately sitting out the awkwardness such an encounter necessitates, but he is not yet that guy. Not today.
Too soon
It's interesting that this is at least the third time in not too many chapters that Satiama's way of dealing with things has backfired.
Garou. Saitama laughing at him to get him to do his worst in the confidence that he could outlast whatever tantrum Garou could throw led to a horrific tragedy.
Garou again. In the aftermath of Garou's defeat, Saitama refused to intervene, assuring Genos that the heroes would vent their anger and get tired without harming Garou. The interesting thing is that the manga shows almost immediately that Saitama is wrong about this and Garou is getting injured. Most heroes might not be superpowerful but they're plenty strong, there's a lot of them and they have not only their anger but their pain and frustration to unload. Plus, damnit, it's not on you to decide that someone else should be the sponge for someone's opprobrium.
Tatsumaki. You would think that after Garou, Saitama would have learned that it's not wise to let people go off on as long a tantrum as they want to, but no. He let her use him as a living wrecking ball. The damage they did is very directly responsible for much of the Hero Association's current troubles.
Genos. As we've seen, he's completely devastated. Saitama thinks he's just said something slightly silly.
Let me be totally clear about this. Saitama did not cause the insecurities that drove these characters. They own those. Saitama is not responsible for their actions. They own those too. But Saitama does sometimes do things that are deeply unhelpful, and he has almost no awareness of the consequences of what his careless words and actions lead to.
I wonder what reckoning ONE is preparing for Saitama. You know he likes to let the karmic debt pile up before he springs.
ONE: Assigned Troll At Birth
Reuse, restructure, repurpose
What was it that Drive Knight said? Everything that can be exploited must be? That's ONE in a nutshell here. I said long ago, back when chapter 133 broke and we saw Genos take on Psykos-Orochi, that ONE was running out of monsters capable of giving Genos a tough time if the Earth was still to be a going concern. And so he's been creative.
When you can tell a monster that can do this to take a number and wait until Tatsumaki is ready to deal with it, regular monsters need not apply
ONE has repurposed what was once a sad conversation into a weapon. With that weapon, he has broken Genos's heart. In the worst way -- almost as if by accident.
We can see that Genos has attained the very heights of power that he said he could not imagine ever aspiring to. We can see that not only has he acquired power, but his example has been so strong and compelling that the famously independent and uncooperative S-Class heroes followed in his wake, led by none other than the first patron saint of I-work-with-no-one-unless-I-respect-them-and-that's-nearly-none-of-you himself, Atomic Samurai. We can see that he's won over the skeptical to the point that they'll invite him to the most secret meetings and listen to him for hours. Literally.
All of that is worthless if Genos can't see his own achievements, value, and worth for himself. So that's where ONE's decided to hit him. Look at the poor guy: he looks almost on the point of tears.
ONE, you nearly made him cry, you bastard
Fortunately for Genos, he distinguishes himself from the other character we've seen mourning having the rug pulled out from under his life, Superalloy Darkshine, in not having forgotten why he came to Saitama in the first place. It was not to become a hero, although he's come to value it as an identity. It was not to befriend Saitama, although he has treasured it greatly. It was to become strong enough to defeat a horrific evil. And he's not letting go of that for anything.
If what's cooking in the manga is anything like what's going on in the webcomic, rarely has there been a more justified fight. Gambatte, Oni Cyborg San!
Genos has no plans to abandon Saitama. I wonder what will happen once the worst of the shock fades.
What now?
Well, it's a turning point all right, but not for the better. Precisely because their relationship has been much warmer in the manga than it has in the webcomic, Saitama seemingly showing that he doesn't care after all is a brutal shock for Genos. It's a misunderstanding we really hope to see resolved quickly, but as we know, these two fools really suck at talking things through.
This could be quite the saga before it's solved. I just hope it doesn't lead to tragedy.
Oh yes: there are many gags in One-Punch Man. Beware, any of them could be the next tragedy.
Asides
[1] It's interesting that the most flagrantly corrupt HA official, McCoy, is the guy most actively looking to undermine the HA. While posing as a help. Talk about a saboteur!
The nice thing about having an evil organization known as 'The Organization' is that one can be technically truthful while lying.
#OPM#meta#review#update 231#long#Genos#Saitama#Saitama has really put his foot in it#he really has hurt Genos#stabbed him straight in the insecurities#of all the turning points I wanted to see their relationship falling apart wasn't it#I hope it can be repaired but I fear it's not going to be easy or quick
65 notes
·
View notes
Text
Rant/vent about current denial spiral under the cut - some context first: (*extremely brief mention of abuse/SA, medical history mention)
Had a fight with my mom about why I "still think it's DID." There were a lotta layers to that conversation, including:
- My (our) experiences don't line up with all the "research" she's done about DID
- according to her, co-consciousness doesn't exist and "you would have no idea there's another person [controlling your body], you can't be 'standing behind, watching.'"
- she doesn't trust anecdotal/personal experience of actual systems because "that's just people on the internet making up whatever they want"(paraphrase)
- she had also never heard of OSDD before. Even though she claimed she knows all about the DSM-5.
(medical trauma/history mention)
- I was never *physically abused or SA'd, therefore I don't have trauma. (She doesn't believe in emotional/verbal abuse, and all my *medical trauma/history was during/right after my birth (I was born 10 weeks early, had a surgery while in the NICU) so it doesn't count [I can't disagree with that])
(Might make a separate vent post about what we consider possible trauma that she "doesn't count")
- she told me "it sounds like you found something and stuck to it" (paraphrase) (meaning I learned about DID and just decided that was my problem.)
- made the same sweeping generalizations as always about my entire generation "wanting to be different" and "wanting to have something wrong [with us]"
(Again, I could make a separate vent post about what she says during literally every argument)
- told me (us) to "stop saying 'we' for Christ's sake!" (We will not.)
- she decided I (we) need to bring her "actual sources" of why I (we) believe it's DID/OSDD.
Which meant to us that we were gonna stay up all night doing extensive research.
Or that was the plan, before the denial set in.
(Recreation of Denial spiral below, just to throw it out to the void and be able to come back to it later to disprove I guess?? Could be triggering (lots of repetitive phrases, disbelief of trauma, derealization/depersonalization, there's a lot in here.)
What if she's right and I'm not a system? What if it's not DID or OSDD and I'm just desperate to make it into something? What if I actually don't have trauma and I'm secretly an endo??? (Any headmate tries to talk to me) You're not real, shut up. Why did I do this to myself? I ruined my life over something that's not even happening! Why did I let it get this far? Why am I still perpetuating this if it's not true?? It was never a problem until I did weed and "opened doors" that was just weed! I'm making up trauma that's not real! I want so bad to be traumatized so I can feel justified to be mad at my parents when really I'm just an entitled little bitch who's never had anything happen to them and needs to pretend they're worse off than they are! She has real trauma! She's actually been through real abuse and they've never done anything to me other than yell and that doesn't mean anything and I'm just a crybaby for being scared of getting yelled at they never actually threaten me (why do you remember the "I'll give you something to cry about" threat/phrase then???) and I cried over nothing all the time for no reason and I've just always been afraid of nothing. I can't believe I'm actually sitting here thinking about doing all this research just to prove a point?? Just to prove her wrong? That doesn't mean anything! That's not a good reason! I shouldn't even bother. This is a waste of my time. I should just tell her she's right and move on. It's not DID and (Losing my train of thought trying to write this, Jesus) I've just convinced myself it is but it's not. I've made it out to be more than it is so they'll care and that didn't work anyway. I can't believe this is happening right now. There's no way I got this far. That all of this really happened over nothing. They were just characters in my head! Why did I ever start believing more than that when I don't have trauma! Nothing that bad has ever happened to me and all these thoughts that keep coming up are fake and even if some of this stuff was trauma it wasn't in my childhood so it's not relevant. I spend too much time on the internet and I shouldn't just believe all of this stuff. What do I think I'm actually "relating" too? I should've just left it at Maladaptive Daydreaming and been fine. I've made everything worse for myself. There was a reason I stopped doing research on DID years ago! 'Cause I don't have trauma and I can't sit here and pretend I do. Why am I doing this?
(Etc etc etc. Front changed while writing this. I've been in co the whole time but Parker needed to step back for their own comfortability.)
We went back n forth for a while about a bunch of this stuff. Had a number of headmates hop in co-front just to prove a point, only for Parker to continue to tell them they're not real and it's "all me and I'm faking" bro you are at that point proving a point to yourself but okay.
Anyway, eventually Kiara took front and started on research anyway. We were up til 5am. Didn't finish but marked all our tabs so we could go back and finish it up the next day (yesterday). Did not get back to it yesterday 'Cause Parker got anxious.
We now have a deadline to present this shit. We've got a psych appointment tomorrow morning and Mom's leaving on Thursday to visit a friend. So we should get to it today. But they're really not ready for that conversation. Unfortunately we (Lio) told our psychiatrist that we might actually get to that conversation with our parents before our next appointment so now Parker feels like we have to. And if we don't then they'll be anxious about it the entire time Mom's gone which is also not productive.
There's a worry that if any of the rest of us try to explain it then it won't be taken seriously because we're not them. This whole situation is exhausting. We weren't planning on trying to have this conversation yet and now we're so rushed and there's a lot more pressure.
In any case, there's a chance we'll post an update if/when it happens.
If you've read this far, any kind of support would be appreciated. <3
-❤️
#system denial#abuse mention#spiral#emotional abuse#verbal abuse#depersonalisation and derealisation#pooger.txt#fuckboi/pos#dissociative system#osddid#did osdd#system vent#vent post#personal vent#endos dni
14 notes
·
View notes
Note
bestie idk if your requests are open buttt if so pls could i req something inspired by afterglow by taylor swift w emile smith rowe ???? like his gf spirals and kinda distances from him and how he'd try to reassure her 🫂 tysm 🫶🏻
afterglow | e. smith rowe
emile smith rowe x fem!reader
a/n: thank u for this beautiful, beautiful request anon!! i actually love ems so much and i'm a girl w major trust issues so this story is pretty much self-insert😭 sry this took so long💔 ngl the part where i start to incorporate lyrics for taylor's song it started to sound cheesy, but hey, if you love cheese...
synopsis: when it came to the third time you spiraled, emile doesn't let it go easily
content/warnings: this might get a tad bit emotional so brace urselves, emile being the most understanding bf in the world, emile peeing (???), lmk if i missed out anything! 🤍
—
it's one thing to spiral every other night, but it's another when you realise it's been a shit week for you because of how regular your spirals come at night.
it first happened at dinner. you had made some carbonara pasta to soothe your cravings, emile being okay with anything because the man eats everything and you know emile would love to eat something other than chicken breasts and vegetables. you'd dropped your fork, which startled ems, and your hands began to shake. "you okay?" emile's smooth croydon accent flowed into your ears as he carefully allowed his cutleries to lean inside the bowl of pasta.
"yeah, i should be." you gave him a vague answer, not wanting your own struggles to clash with his, because god knows he probably already has a lot on his plate, what with trying to prove to mikel every time he gets minutes on a game that he's getting fitter by the day and that he is starting xi material. even on days when he isn't working, he'd drag himself to the gym. you appreciated his determination to get back onto the pitch and be a regular starter like he was two seasons ago.
emile, knowing you and your adamant attitude, shrugged it off, still looking at you warily, as if you were going to break again if he looks away. after dinner, he had offered to do the dishes. you had declined, saying you were mentally good enough to do the dishes and it was all just a scare.
"no babe. with all due respect, i don't believe you. so go sit down, watch your netflix and let me do this. i swear, i'm okay with it." emile had reassured you, and so you did what he'd told you to do. you sat on the couch and watched a little bit of bojack horseman while you waited for him to finish up in the kitchen.
the second time happened when you and emile were in bed, about to call it a night. emile was reading an article on his phone while you were slowly drifting off to la-la-land; something you tend to do before you fall asleep because it helps you focus on one thing.
emile began to notice your breathing becoming more shallow and shallow by the second, so he dropped his phone on the covers and leaned forward to look at your face. you'd tried your best to keep your cool, knowing damn well that if you don't, your boyfriend's gonna start to pull you out of bed to do your breathing exercises; something your therapist had taught you, when you were already feeling sleepy.
"you okay? why you breathin' like that?" emile's raspy voice took over your thoughts, which allowed your mind to understand that he was on the verge of falling asleep before he heard your heavy breathing.
"nothing." you answered, but you sounded like you were holding your breath. and so emile propped his pillow upward before adjusting his posture so he'd be sitting up.
"don't lie to me. are you spiraling again?" emile tilted his head downward, which is something he does when he begins to feel disturbed with something that clearly was affecting you so much.
"no i'm not. i'm fine, go to sleep." you finally found your breath, doing a breathing exercise as you pushed emile's shoulder that was closest to you downward, hoping he'd get under the covers fully and fall asleep.
and then it happened again.
here you are, in the bathtub at 3am, trying your best not to let your sobs rack through your entire body by having both your hands clamped over your mouth. most importantly, you weren't trying to wake emile up. not when he's got training in exactly three hours' time. suddenly, you hear the rummaging of the sheets from outside. you'd been sobbing in the dark, so you assumed emile had probably tried to find you next to him, only to feel the cold sheets take your place instead of your body.
you hear emile's feet dragging across your hardwood floor, and then the sound of a flick of the switch as the bathroom light almost blinds you after being in the dark for a while. his eyes are adjusting to the sudden light as he looks for the toilet, then noticing that he wasn't alone.
the love of his life was sobbing in the bathtub all alone, and he wanted to know why. "baby, what the hell are you doin' here!" he yelled silently and sleepily at the same time, his bedroom voice very prominent now. he kneels before the bathtub, squinting at you as he still needed time to adjust to the bright bathroom light.
"what are you doing?" you say, abruptly wiping your tears away, trying to pretend that everything's okay. but emile knew it wasn't. you'd spiraled twice before he found you in here, in the dark, all alone.
"wanted to pee. then i find you here and suddenly i don't feel like peeing anymore." emile says, rubbing his eyes, then adjusting his hair a little.
"go pee, you loser," you shove him towards the toilet. and so he did. he got up and peed. but before he did, he'd given you his don't look at me pee eyes. "i won't look."
you notice yourself getting out of the bathtub and dragging your feet towards ems. whenever he pees at night, he pees with his eyes closed. he said it helps him go back to sleep easily, so he didn't realise your getting out of the bathtub and standing behind him. as soon as he turns his body to go back to bed, your head collides into his bare chest, your arms around his waist.
emile said nothing, he knew that all you need was for someone to be there, a shoulder to lean on. although eventually, when you didn't think of pulling away, he had to say something. "you wanna talk about it?"
"not really," you mumble. "but tell me something."
"anything." he whispers.
"tell me that you're still mine," you finally look up from burying yourself in emile's chest. "don't convince me, just tell me."
"i'm not goin' anywhere," he pulls his hands away from your waist so he could put it on both sides of your face. "what else do you want me to tell you?"
"tell me that we'll be fine. even if i lose my mind one more time. tell me it isn't my fault." you shut your eyes tight as your mind keeps telling you things you don't specifically want to hear when you're in your boyfriend's arms.
"we're gonna be alright. you're gonna be just fine. now, can we please stop crying in the bathtub all alone?" emile looks up from holding eye contact with you. "if you need to cry, just cry. you don't have to be scared about waking me up. if anything, i want you to cry on me, y'know."
he just had to make you laugh, didn't he?
"i love you, stinky. i've never meant it more than right now." he reminds you as you walk with him back to bed under his arms, flicking the bathroom light switch off.
#emile smith rowe#emile smith rowe x y/n#emile smith rowe x reader#esr#esr10#croydon de bruyne#arsenal#football#football x reader#football x y/n#football x you
26 notes
·
View notes
Note
Not a RG person (or any kind of shipper really), but I don’t entirely gel with your earlier post on Ruby and Oscar, more specifically the latter. Because the way I read the story’s themes, it seems to me that much of their shared theme is being drowned out by the legacy of those who came before them.
Ruby, through the constant comparisons to her mother, her lineage as a Silver Eyed Warrior, and effectively being Ozpin’s successor as the leader of those against him despite not really wanting the role (even though she stepped up as admirably as she could).
Oscar however is literally at risk of being drowned out, just being subsumed by the Ozma collective and becoming nothing more than another face with Ozma’s traumas and failure to change. He’s not proving himself his own man; he’s struggling to preserve what little of himself is left in the face of an unwilling mental parasite, all while constantly battling the fears of both himself and Ozma.
To me, it seems more likely that what might happen at the end is that Ruby and Oscar end up leaving on a journey together once they’ve been freed of their respective obligations; Ruby can finally be a normal huntress saving people without bearing the weight of the world, while Oscar can finally find his own identity and have an adventure without the risk of losing his personality. Their goals would align pretty decently on that regard.
I get the gist of your point, but I think we disagree on a few key things.
The most pressing one is Oscar's situation. While he is definitely at risk of being consumed by Oz in universe, I don't think that that's where the story is pointing to at all. Nothing we've seen from Oscar's character development so far leads me to believe he's sinking into his fear at being consumed. Every time he's been given the choice to be like Oz, he's gone against it.
In volume 6, when he knows about information that Oz is keeping hidden, he fights against Oz's possession and tells the group. In volume 7 after Ironwood goes off the deep end, he chooses to trust that Ironwood can be reasoned with when Oz would have just given up. After being tortured by Hazel he chooses to trust him and Emerald, something Ozpin was incapable of doing. He's the one teaching Oz that Oz can change. With every volume his convictions grow stronger and his sense of right and wrong solidifies.
It's true that he's struggled with the idea of where he ends and Ozpin begins, but I don't believe for a second that what we're seeing play out is Oscar losing his identity. And like I said in my previous post, it's because he knows all of Ozpin's fuck ups that he's able to see Oz for who he is and grow to be better. If he were truly at risk of becoming just another Ozma, then I would think him completely redundant as a character.
He is absolutely not drowning in Ozpin's legacy.
I also don't really like the phrasing of Ruby being Ozpin's successor. He was her mentor, sure, a shitty one at that, but I don't think he's been much of a leader of anything for a long, long time. Now, he certainly used her mother's leadership abilities to his advantage, and when he saw the same potential in Ruby he used her too. But I can't accept the idea of him passing down a mantle to her. Not to hate on the guy, I do like his character an awful lot, but that man did nothing to help her grow into leadership except one speech that only helped to catalyze her depressive spiral lmao.
But that's more of a personal gripe that an argument against your point. I think the main problem we have is that you've read the themes differently from me. Despite how depressing the show can get, it's a lot more hopeful than people give it credit for sometimes. And specifically for this post, than what Oscar stans give it credit for.
They often read his fate as something a lot more cynical and tragic than it actually is imo, and try to find a lot of similarities to Ruby in order to ramp up the angst. And there's nothing really wrong with that, I'm no stranger to making my faves suffer more than they realistically would, but I just don't think Oscar is in that much danger. I think the narrative is pointing a very clear and direct line towards Ozpin disappearing from his mind and the cycle of reincarnation ending. Oscar's arc has been about finding out who he is, but that isn't just an endpoint goal, it's something that's already happening.
But if you don't believe that, if you think that he's still actively being corrupted by Oz, then I think you'd come to the conclusions that you have in this ask, and you'd see more parallels to Ruby's spiral. And that's just not what I see.
#ask#anon#discourse tag#I also kind of disagree with how you think the show will end#but that's just another personal thing#I just believe Ruby won't be a huntress at all in the end lmao
10 notes
·
View notes
Note
I know you've said you don't have many thoughts about Revchi but I just wanted someone to rant to since that's apparently what we're doing now and your takes are indeed excellent (shout-out to Neige anon)
I genuinely think he must carry a lot sadness and trauma, that he closed his heart so much. When Gueldre said that all the other Purple Orcas hated him and that's why no one took his side when he got set up, he didn't even deny it or even react. For some reason he won't allow himself to open up to others even when he had the opportunity to make friends. That's totally unhealthy (honestly, the other Purple Orcas probably couldn't be counted on anyway since from what little we see of them, they're the BC equivalent of dirty cops).
I don't know how to word it but there's something so sad about him. He reminds me a bit of Zora in a way, like they both hide their inner pain with cynicism and snark. How he calls himself "just a wretched thief" in the first chapter, the way he somewhat hides his scar with his hair, even the way his speech bubbles are drawn all wobbly??? Someone get that man into therapy asap please
On an unrelated sidenote you've actually made me appreciate Fuegoleon, believe it or not. I used to not care about him at all but now I like him a lot lol
I mean "not having a lot of thoughts" is always relative too. Like, I ended up writing quite a lot for Revchi in that one ask game, which surprised even me. So it seems I had more thoughts than what I thought, but I still don't think it's comparatively a lot if we take into account other characters.
Plus, now that my exams, and this semester are finally over, I have the next three weeks time to do nothing and sleep. Instead of having my braincells running study stuff in the background on an pinned tab, which might affect how many thoughts I have to spare for the fandom. Also, I like having interactions, even if they might be people feeling frustrated over how unloved their borbo is. (Again, as long as it's like constructive; a mandatory side note, because it's a public blog) I know that everyone doesn't want to interact in the comment section or via reblogs, because they don't want to draw that attention to their blogs, which is fine. But these interactions make me feels less like I'm shouting to the wind, and are evoking my love for the fandom again. And I think that the best way to learn to appreciate and get insight of a character is to talk to someone who likes said character (as long as they haven't like... made the character into pretty much just an oc with the same name, y'know the type and issue generally speaking; it happens in every fandom)
ANYWAYS, back on track and to Revchi
I think there are a lot of characters in BC that do that. Close their emotions because showing emotions isn't... allowed in a lot of circles in BC. Just today in our BC dnd campaign we basically concluded "the Magic Parliament, where justice is scrapped and public image is all that matters; welcome to the heart of Clover Kingdom".
Who knows what happened that caused Revchi to get hated like that, but I'd say that when someone is staged for a crime, there is a good chance that they stood in the way of those who ended up setting said person up. So, it's perfectly possible that Revchi was a "good cop among bad ones" and ended up getting hated and isolated by that, probably along with a lot of other things, that essentially just broke his spirit, and caused him to spiral into a "...if being a wretched thief is what's right in this kingdom, I guess that's what I'll be then" or even "they call me as a wretched thief, so I'll show them one". Which is a kind of a call for help, in a way. The man was spiralling. And when he starts to live up to the rumours, and the reason why he was dismissed, he's not doing any favours for himself, but by then he was beyond caring about it.
Why he won't open up, could be a case of being stabbed in the back, figuratively. So, maybe he trusted someone in that squad, maybe even went to Gueldre, thinking that he could trust a Captain of Clover Kingdom, and Gueldre just threw him to the wolves. I mean... if that doesn't shake your belief into the justice system of Clover, what would?
There is a tragedy in there. He's just a guy who tried to do good (as a headcanon, because all of this is purely speculation ofc), and ended up thrown into the mud.
He doesn't believe in goodness of the world anymore. Or that there can be such a thing as "justice" in Clover. Which is very similar as to what Zora feels. Actually. For Zora it's just about what happened to his dad, and for Revchi it's about what happened to him.
I imagine the wobbly speech bubbles to be a kind of a voice cracking up. Because, deep down, he didn't want to do what he did. But he was in too deep in his own head, the cynicism. Because no one would care. It wasn't the kind of a world where people would care, in his mind. The line between a hardened criminal and a knight was a line drawn in sand on a beach.
Who knows, maybe he even thought that stealing a couple of grimoires and selling them in the black market might earn him the trust of the Orcas again. Revchi just might be yet another character that Clover Kingdom failed.
#black clover#black clover revchi#anon flamelets#I'm also really happy to know that you grew to appreciate Fue because of my silly lil' posts#he's my sexy lamp
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
Dead friend forever ep 6 random thoughts:
▪️ This series is just making me furious every time I see the face of this group of fake friends and I just feel so bad for Non. He is so hard-working, trying to get back on his feet and he is always deceived, abused and abandoned by those next to him. It's not just the group of friends, it is also his parents and everyone. Jin is the only one who seems kind to him, without asking anything in exchange (yes, I don't the trust the teacher) but at the same time, he is so oblivious of what is going on. He is attracted to Non and never really show him. He feels useless because despite his attraction to Non and defending him, he still stays with his toxic friends. How can he not see how harmful they are?
▪️ I don't know where to start… Tee and Por were the most infuriating characters in this episode. I can't believe it, but Top and Fluke (who are also super annoying) seemed nicer than them, this time. Tee dragged Non in his uncle's laundering money scam and when things ended badly he blamed Non and made him admit he was the one who wanted to do it from the very beginning. Non would never have done this if it wasn't for Whiny Por (that's my nickname for him) who couldn't protect his camera from his stupid friends and believed Non was responsible for the damage on it (I don't forget it was Tee and Top and I loathe them even more).
▪️ Non is in a downward spiral he can't escape and it's getting harder and harder to watch. It's taking a toll on his mental health too and he has no one to really talk to. He tried to have this conversation with the teacher, but in the end, he only gave him a half truth. It fells like there are no way out for him. I also think, his teacher will take advantage of him too. He is shady. The way, he is a touchy-feely type of guy… Yuck! He doesn't act like a teacher to Non and I believe he is bad news too.
▪️ The most shocking event in the episode happened at the end. I wasn't expecting that and I truly feel it was a good twist. Phi knows Non and we never got that information before. In the previous episodes, in the present, he always acted like he didn't know who was Non, just like White and Tan. Who did we see, at the end of this episode… Phi! He knows Non and they are not just friend… They are also FWB and if we believe the trailer for the next episode, he wanted to really date Non and didn't trust his so-called friends. How Phi ended up with Jin? Is it his way of being involved in this group? How his feeling have changed and he went from wanting to be with Non to being with Jin? I have so many questions!!! This was my favorite part of the episode.
I've watched the previous episode expecting nothing from it but now I'm truly hooked! I want to have the next episode now. I need answers.
#my thoughts#thai series#thai bl#bl drama#bl series#be on cloud#dead friend forever#dead friend forever the series#dff the series#spoilers#Poor Non#So many questions and I need answers!#Non x Phi or Non x Jin or Jin x Phi??#Now I need someone to save White in the present from his terrible boyfriend#Whiny Por#Stupid Face Top#Big Ego Fluke#I'm still debating with myself about how I should call Tee#random thoughts
11 notes
·
View notes
Note
I can relate to the frustration, but assuming this is about politics, I don't think "lesser of two evils" is a deep moral statement people believe in on a philosophical level, but just a way to cope with begrudgingly voting for a party that's the obvious choice given the only realistic alternative. It's a roundabout way of signaling how bad the implied "greater evil" is, and it pops up every election season, only to die down, since it's rooted in pragmatism rather than some serious moral shit. When (progressive) people in the US vote, don't they do it with an understanding that at the end of the day they'll either have to live under a government led by the "war crimes and some welfare here and there" party or the "50x the war crimes and also we need to start killing as many trans people as possible" party? Even in terms of foreign policy alone, there is not a single thing on the republican agenda that wouldn't be like, at least ten times worse (unless someone's idea of "good" is just maximizing the amount of brown people that die). And domestically? Holy shit. I don't want to spiral down into a rant on how fucked the mind of an average conservative lawmaker is, but we both know that for some marginalized people democratic rule vs. republican rule is literally life vs. death.
Just to be clear I ain’t trying to start an argument or nothing this is just my opinion on shit going on in the world.
After seeing so many people say “I know he’s committing genocide and I don’t like it either but you HAVE to vote for Biden, you HAVE to vote for the lesser of two evils” I cannot take it anymore. After seeing people yell “four more years” over people protesting an actual genocide I cannot take it anymore. I am tired of Biden being treated like he can do no wrong, and any wrong he does do should be ignored simply because “Trump Worse™️”.
I have reached the point where I don’t give a shit who wins the presidency, I care about pretty much everything under that down to small local elections. It ain’t really that I’m one of those people who thinks voting Doesn’t Work, I think it can, I think people need to worry about more than just who becomes president though. I think both candidates are evil, and I want the people who represent me and my state to be there when they’re committing evil to speak out against it. I want smaller politicians who actually have to listen to the people voting for them to run in the best interests of those like me and I want them in power in whatever office they’re running for. I think people put all their effort into the presidential candidates and ignore other elections that can still make change, even just in their home town.
I personally however cannot put my support behind this bastard after watching all this. I am tired of watching people defend him, when he wants to bypass all this shit to send weapons to Israel it’s whatever, but when it comes to Roe v Wade being overturned, when it comes to states trying to criminalize transgender people existing at all, when it comes to kids in cages, suddenly he’s “doing his best” and he “doesn’t actually have that much power”. I find this to be a somewhat selfish take given the severity of things in Gaza and other places but all that money he’s sending to Israel could work fucking miracles for those vulnerable minority populations here. Everything I was told to fear would happen in 2016 has happened since 2020. Everything we were told would be fixed in 2020 was swept under the rug and any criticisms of it were met with “Oh, so you’d rather have Trump as president???”.
I’m a mixed Mexican transgender man. I live in Texas. I’m capable of bearing children. I am becoming more disabled by the day since October of 2023. And I don’t trust neither presidential candidate to protect me and those like me, I don’t trust neither one as far as I could throw them. I know people are gonna vote for Biden anyway, I can’t realistically tell people what to do and who to vote for, but I do think we have a responsibility to hold him accountable, we should speak up against war crimes, as long as he’s saying the US stands with Israel, we need to be shouting that we sure as fuck do not. We cannot continue to let this fear of trump hypothetically becoming president make us feel like we have to look the other way when this president is currently, actively helping to commit genocide.
#there’s my political rant#that’s just how I feel about shit I guess#I think the two party system sucks and I think the two candidates should [for legal reasons this part was redacted]#I really ain’t trying to start an argument I’m just giving my position on matters at hand#not whump
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
About Various Unsubstantiated Accusations , CrunchyCrowe / CrunchyCaws PROOF / CONTEXT
Firstly, Posting this just so I have somewhere to link people who bring it up, and tumblr is a place that wont limit my response, and have people only reply to single out of context tweets. - which is what started this whole thing in the first place.
This is about accusations that are at time of writing, years old, but still crop up in my day-to day, because the rumors keep ruminating and self-sustain in their own echo chambers as fact, without a DIRECT and VERY VISABLE response.
Also, people who I have blocked on twitter, can see this if they choose to.
Originally, I considered one out of context tweet not worth making any kind of deal out of, and id just block people who took a very incorrect and disingenuous read of my words. But it spiraled into serious accusations of my character with little more than "Crunchy supports this thing and is a bad person"
When there is not a single screenshot of me saying anything of the sort, because I did not, and I assumed that with people taking time to read, it would straighten itself out. I was wrong.
If someone won't take the time to read my side of the issue, then I would argue that they are not someone to trust with serious accusations, as they are someone who won't look at the source, and therefore, won't know enough about me or the situation, to hurl serious accusations.
I apricate that fandoms these days want everyone to be the best versions of themselves, and thrive for accountability.
It's annoying that the flip side of that coin is when people are wrong. A harmful / untrue rumor will stick to someone forever, and actively muddle the water for everyone: the people that did the accusing, the person accused, and any actual victims that need the support and to be believed.
Believe victims, reserve judgement for people saying things without clear proof because it's cool to be the call-outer.
I always have, and will apologize and admit when I'm wrong and correct myself, in every event that happens. I did so recently on a sketchbook I took too long to deliver, immediately corrected my actions, and hired a manager to make sure everything STAYED right going forward, and the same issue would not repeat itself.
Proof / context -
My victim stating that the issue is resolved - https://twitter.com/remygryph/status/1718328170531758099
Positive change moving forward, Proof-
https://twitter.com/CrunchyCaws/status/1718380185869750685
Earlier AND later in this post, I even admit I'm wrong, multiple times, over multiple things, openly. I will own up to my incorrect actions in every case it happens. Because It happens, people are wrong sometimes, and doubling down on being wrong is not a mature course of action. I find it frustrating that that's what I'm running into with my accusers, simply because they don't want to be wrong.
I have an ACTIVE track record of APOLOGIZING AND MAKING THINGS RIGHT.
If someone is out there claiming I'm actively causing any harm, or am a bad person in some way, ask for the evidence. ask to see victims stories, and support the people who need that support to be made whole.
I WILL POST, SUPPORT, APOLOGIZE, AND MAKE RIGHT - /ANYTHING/ - IVE ACTUALLY DONE.
I DON'T SUPPORT HEARSAY. That's the thing I said that made everyone upset. I get that on the internet, especially in younger circles it's not a popular opinion. Cool, I'll take that criticism, and continue not spreading things I might be unsure of. Scandalous.
WHO WAS THE ORIGINAL POST ABOUT!!?? WHAT DID YOU DO!!?? JUST BE CLEAR !!
I made a vague post about the FURRY FANDOM.
EVERY "PROOF" of me supporting X, Y, or Z, is all circumstantial and bookended with the logical fallacy of applying emotional manipulation, and putting the burden of proof on me, which if you don't know what those are - APPEAL TO EMOTION and BURDEN OF PROOF <- Click them and learn!
I am trying to refute everything I can, with as much evidence and context as possible, without appealing to anyone's emotions to the best of my ability.
People thought i was talking about a warriorcat event, when I haven't been active in the fandom for over 10 years. I got dragged in because someone else who followed me, who was STILL IN warriors, applied my words to something i had little to no context for and was not apart of.
This original post where I was QRT'd (not by the later mentioned call-outer, who is the continuing problem, by someone I'm on fine terms with) in relation to the situation in the FIRST place- was deleted, because the original poster realized they had made a mistake in dragging me into something I had nothing to do with, apologized, and we are chill with each other.
This shouldn't be an issue.
This was an "if the shoe fits" post. I was not speaking on the situation, but someone put the shoe on, and was upset that the shoe did not fit. ??? ?? ?
I never have and never will make posts about situations i do not have full context and information for. This goes directly against what I believe to be right, you wont catch me doing it. So I would have NEVER commented specifically on a situation in a fandom I haven't participated in in years.
I will be attaching ALL the original context with direct links not JUST screen shots out of context.
The original call out posted ONLY out of context screenshots in an example of cherry picking, another way people will try to convince others of things that are untrue.
Original post that I made - https://twitter.com/CrunchyCaws/status/1626692009640579097
Additional replies and context, completely removed from the callout-ers post and not considered when attacking my character-
The callout post itself (posted a bit farther down) is making accusations of me blocking for reasons that are entirely ASSUMED, and assumed very incorrectly. I have people blocked ENTIRLEY for how they choose to interact with things online, pet peeves in how they interact with social media, certain fandoms, or characters as WHOLE that I find personally /literally/ triggering, and people that reply without reading the full thread.
I have PROVABLY - THOUSANDS of people blocked, for impersonal, non-moral reasons.
https://twitter.com/CrunchyCaws/status/1742626966820225535
It was unfortunate that people who happened to be on the pulse of this were in a community/circle that I have blocked for the reasons of not liking to view SPECIFIC WARRIORS CATS, PET PEEVE OR PERSONAL TASTE OF DISLIKING CERTAIN FANDOM THINGS- and NOT for any deep or significant moral reasons, literally JUST timeline curation.
If you agree with the below, call-out narrative, then I know i can't and won't try change your mind. I know that kind of person probably haven't even read this far, and if you have read this far, you are not the kind of person I am referring to.
If i was intense at them, or anyone at the time, I DO RIGHT HERE APOLOGISE FOR MY TONE. I did at the time, react emotionally because they came out with attacks and accusations, instead of asking me what I meant.
When I tried to clarify my words, they just, wouldn't believe me.
Ironic at best, hypocritical at worst, coming from someone asking to be believed at their word, not believing my word.
I took actions and made blocks that were fueled by frustration, that was wrong of me, and for that, I am truly sorry, I'm not just saying that. I have no problem saying my past actions could have been more in tune with the very emotional and intense subject matter at hand, regardless of how blind sighted I was by it. I have since every day tried my best to not let this kind of thing happen again, culminating in this post, where I both apologize for my behavior, but am going to discredit allegations against me that do not have proof.
You can see here in this below screenshot that I actually DO NOT have them blocked currently, because I believe in growth and change and clearing miscommunications and having everyone in a situation grow and learn. Once I realized this was a misreading me issue that was going to spiral, I am/was more than happy to make things right in any way I can and move forward in a way to make everyone feel heard and happy.
Note that this person said I was defending someone I NEVER MENTIONED OR ALLUDED TO, and did not provide adequate proof of that, because what is posted here, is all I ever said.
I have here provided FULL CONTEXT, which this person did not do. This is the smoking gun that is the root of the accusations being hurled at me on occasion.
https://twitter.com/GalaxxAi/status/1627726642536763392
You can see I even unblocked them at the time, ( And currently have them unblocked) so that I could reply to try to be VERY CLEAR that this is not what my original post is about, and to dispel any worry, but I only got double downed on when i tried to explain that it was indeed, just a misreading of my words.
They also accused me of Liking things I DO NOT SUPPORT OR PARTICIPATE IN, then NOT PROVIDING PROOF that I liked those things, BECAUSE I DID NOT, THERE IS NO PROOF OF THIS.
Again only listed proof is me saying that I don't like it when people drag art I do not like to see onto my timeline, when they also dislike interacting with that kind of art. That if there are no victims, and all parties are in full consent and capable of giving that full consent, and if no harm is done, then things should be allowed to be in their own spaces, un-harassed. Art can sometimes make someone uncomfortable and be challenging. I can agree with that, and also dislike art that makes me personally uncomfortable.
I stand by HARMLESS kinks being left alone. I did not state specifics on what those "kinks" were, if something is harming someone, that is not a kink, that's a CRIME, and not what I would ever defend.
Here is a statement I made that call-outer did not see or address in any good faith.
https://twitter.com/CrunchyCaws/status/1627762856006483970
making incorrect assumptions and framing me as participating in that content when I actually have STRONG feelings to the contrary is frustrating to say the least, and am trying to address it as neutrally as possible, but -( I DON'T LIKE MORALLY DUBIOUS ART THAT IS ACTVLEY CAUSING HARM TO PEOPLE MENTALLY OR PHYSICALLY- I hate it so much i don't want to see it AT ALL- AND HAVE STATED THIS BEFORE BUT THIS PERSON DID NOT ENGAGE WITH FULL CONTEXT OF MY MORALS.)
there is no such evidence, substantiating this claim, this is just straight up slander.
https://twitter.com/GalaxxAi/status/1627758261129601025
Literally accusing me of illegal and morally dubious behavior over "vibes."
But its NOT ok for me to block someone over "vibes" in their words. or I'm doing a criminal behavior.
A double standard.
You can also see this person cutting off my context, again, so I could see why they would feel negatively about me saying I don't like it when people post things emotionally, and out of context, without thinking critically. Here is a link to my full post, which they did not reply to directly, or site correctly;
https://twitter.com/CrunchyCaws/status/1574998020818493440
It is not my intention to put this person on blast, they have been through enough, and I know they just want no bad actors in their fandom, and I agree with the mission, nobody likes bad actors. This is why I dislike this in-fighting so much, we should be on the same side, but the effects of them being the inciting incident and slandering my character can no longer be ignored and I'm putting this all here in context for anyone looking for the full story, and if it goes any deeper.
This is IT, thank you for your time if you went through this incredibly beefy read that I found largely unnecessary until I received significant harassment, and people literally trying to get me fired, or wishing actual death upon me as a result of me curating my space.
I am putting out in an attempt to quell any lingering worries that I support any unscrupulous behavior. I DO NOT, I JUST CURATE CERTIAN WARRIOR CATS CHARACTERS, PEEVES, AND BEHAVIORS I DISLIKE SEEING, OUT OF MY TIMELINE.
👇 TLDR 👇
I made a post about the furry fandom as a whole, and behaviors i didn't agree with. The warrior cats community was having an active situation unfold, and they decided that my post must have been directly about their situation. It was not. When people started claiming my post was in fact about the warrior cats situation without proper evidence, I blocked them. This is the exact behavior i do not like. jumping onto people and situations without proper context and evidence to back up said claims. People took me blocking them for this behavior as admission of guilt. There was never a post anywhere in support of anyone, I was never involved and I did not interact with the situation outside of being dragged in against my will.
#crunchycrowe#accusations#proof#evidence#hearsay#callout#callout-culture#drama#warrior cats#warriors#furry fandom#furry drama#warriors drama#GalaxxAi#Crunchycaws#Sally#sagutoyas#Incident
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
so i was asked to describe the little Fucked Up Blorbo that i have made out of post escape rainbo. i spin he in my brain Constantly so here's some thoughts. some of them are older things but i'll try to add new stuff too :D
to me they trust charlie and sneeg with their life. and any semblance of normal they had before showfall is eventually Gone because they somewhat balance out the codependency charlie and sneeg have but the way the other two functioned before ranboo came along also becomes a part of them too because sneeg and charlie don't know any different. and after showfall they're all fucked up in so many different ways that some days all they can do is hold onto each other. because even if they hate each other they don't have anything else to fall back on.
and in my head i have a specific look. they have prosthetic eyes and hearing aids and the whole thing from the box. i am wanting to draw it very badly but it's been difficult because i don't know how bad the scars are gonna be around the eyes yet. not to mention the other scars but YUH
(there's gonna be more silly thoughts in parentheses btw because i am Silly with a bit of Whimsy but. post escape ran especially with the aforementioned design. he give such cozy vibes to me. like. sweaters and hot chocolate and woods. don't mind me it's the delulu cabin au using me as its puppet speaking its words)
but back to Angst. i probably said this before in another post but. when sneeg and charlie have days where they fucking hate ranboo he will literally curl up in a corner if that's what it takes to get himself out of their sight. and whether or not charlie gives a halfhearted attempt to defend them when sneeg yells at them it still sticks in their brain and they end up believing him if they didn't already.
and when sneeg and charlie fight they stop it as well as they can. they know they can still try to keep the two from clawing at each other and they do even if they get hurt in the process. they try to comfort the two when it's over. and sometimes when they try to stop the two from fighting it makes them spiral because deep down they don't know what to do or how to help or if they're making a difference in the end. and sometimes they get overstimulated during it and it takes one of the other two leading them outside and reminding them none of them are fighting for their lives and that charlie and sneeg do care about each other even when they act like they're on the verge of tearing each other apart to make him calm down.
they hate wearing masks but they still do when they can tolerate it because they know there's literal holes in their face. and even though they can't see it they hate that charlie and sneeg do. (i also have my insane au where niki tells them they look pretty and they just straight up cry. i might talk about that one later because it's part of my delulu cabin au and i love that one with my whole heart)
and to me they cannot stand anything to do with spaghetti-like noodles because it reminds them of the filter showfall put over them literally digging through charlie's organs. and it's bad. like full on breakdown bad. and charlie doesn't remember it happening so neither him or sneeg know what's going on.
in my head all three of them are so so so emotionally unstable but ranboo is in the quietest way out of the three. they aren't the type to break into fights or yell or ignore the other two the way sneeg and charlie would in their respective ways. with ranboo every time charlie sits them down to genuinely ask how they're doing they cry. when sneeg stops one day to apologize for saying they deserved the box they tell him not to be sorry for telling the truth. they hate showfall with their entire being because charlie and sneeg didn't get to see the sun for their entire lives and they don't realize that anger is there until they're up at three in the morning sobbing because they thought about it a little too hard. to me they could spend a whole day spiraling and sneeg and charlie wouldn't find out.
(side note another au i think about is one where randy eventually escapes and finds rgb trio. i love this one again because both the randy and ranboo interactions but also i enjoy the guitar headcanons implementation. the one where randy eventually gets a house and the kids are there with him. they find a guitar and randy tunes it for ranboo so they can play it, yada yada. continuing on that however in this au to ME ranboo keeps on picking away at it and eventually gets really good. and ough. i love this one so bad)
ough anyways i'm just really insane about them. i might reblog with more because sadly i have said a lot of this before. i will be probably more insane later when i have more time LMAO
8 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
evenerdetbesteilivetmitt-blog
#fearspreadsbutfortunatelylovedoestoo
squiderino
untamed hormonal loch ness shit show
dangoanimations
DangoAnimations
eruditeostoroth
[internally screaming]
anomaly811theanimator
Anomaly 811