lifeofafreckledredhead - Tumblr blog

lifeofafreckledredhead · 3 months

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I thought I loved the chaos

I labeled it as crazy in love

But turns out it's abuse

It's gaslighting

It's manipulation

It's control

It's all of the things real love doesn't have

#mentally exhausted #poet #sad thoughts #lost my mind #mental health #emotional abuse #narcissistic abuse #living with ptsd #ptsd recovery #abuse survivor #abuse victim #depression #tw depressing thoughts #tw depressing stuff #sorry for being depressing #depressing shit #tw gaslighting #manipulation

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lifeofafreckledredhead · 4 months

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I've learned that I wasn't what you wanted

That I'm someone who is just here

You took advantage of it

And I let you.....

I've learned that I lost everything I was to you

Creating a person I don't recognize in the mirror anymore

The bags under my eyes, the weakened fake smile I try to give

The weight I no longer have, just skin and bones

I gave you everything and more

But I was the one who took it all from you though right?

The narcissistic gaslighting Dravo life you have given me

I lived with it , I adapted to it, I learned to accept it

Because that's what victims do ....

#poet #sad thoughts #lost my mind #mental health #emotional abuse #narcissistic abuse #living with ptsd #ptsd recovery #abuse survivor #abuse victim #loving an addict #im exhausted #mentally exhausted

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lifeofafreckledredhead · 5 months

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Just, thank you. For putting into words what I can't ❤️

Thank you for the support ❤️❤️❤️

Stay strong love!

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lifeofafreckledredhead · 5 months

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I watched you ruin what was left

The absolute last crumb I had left to give

You stomped on it and looked at me for more

But I have no more to give

You ruined every single piece all the way to the crumbs

A.Val

#poet #sad thoughts #lost my mind #mental health #emotional abuse #narcissistic abuse #living with ptsd #ptsd recovery #abuse survivor #abuse victim #depression #tw depressing thoughts #emotionally detached #emotions #no thoughts head empty #sadnees

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lifeofafreckledredhead · 5 months

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I showed you love when you needed it the most

I showed you compassion when you were breaking

I showed you attention when you were lonely

I showed you that I could give you everything

All while you broke me

Little by little

Destroyed my version of love

You showed me that I could be lonely sitting right next to you

Showed me that compassion isn't what I'm worthy of

A.Val

#lonelly #poet #sad thoughts #lost my mind #mental health #emotional abuse #narcissistic abuse #living with ptsd #ptsd recovery #abuse survivor #abuse victim #depression #tw depressing thoughts #tw depressing stuff

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lifeofafreckledredhead · 6 months

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It's about the way you ruined everything in me

Slowly taking and taking

Bits and pieces of my soul

Took my personality as if it wasn't mine

Like it belonged to you

The way you made my hunger disappear and slowly after my weight followed

How my heart felt like it was going to explode from the anxiety I felt when you walked in the room

A.Val

#angry #poet #sad thoughts #lost my mind #mental health #emotional abuse #narcissistic abuse #living with ptsd #ptsd recovery #sadnees #sad poetry #survior

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lifeofafreckledredhead · 6 months

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You start to think you deserved this

That you are in this situation because you deserve this agony

You try and try to make the best of it and try to ignore how miserable it makes you

But you are miserable

A.Val

#sadnees #poet #sad thoughts #lost my mind #mental health #emotional abuse #narcissistic abuse #struggle #depression #tw depressing thoughts #living with ptsd #ptsd recovery #abuse survivor #alcholic

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lifeofafreckledredhead · 7 months

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Chest is heavy when you walk into the room

I feel anxious just from you being near

You bring the fear out in me

A.Val

#poet #sad thoughts #lost my mind #mental health #emotional abuse #narcissistic abuse #living with ptsd #ptsd recovery #abuse survivor #abuse victim #depression #emotionally detached

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lifeofafreckledredhead · 7 months

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I stood still

Eyes wide open

Stuck in a flash back

A flash back that made every bone in my body hurt

The kind of memory that made me paralyzed in silence

My skin crawled as if I was being bit a thousand times over and over again

A.Val

#poet #sad thoughts #lost my mind #mental health #emotional abuse #narcissistic abuse #living with ptsd #ptsd recovery #abuse survivor #abuse victim #survior #living with anxiety #depression #tw depressing thoughts #tw depressing stuff #trauma #thinking #memories

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lifeofafreckledredhead · 8 months

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I no longer react

I stay silent and walk the other direction

I no longer hunt for evidence

I just assume it's there and move on

I no longer waste every minute waiting for a answer

I know you didn't care

I no longer have love for you

I'm here for the kids now

I'm finally detached

A.Val

#detachment #emotionally detached #lost my mind #mental health #sad thoughts #emotional abuse #poet #narcissistic abuse #living with ptsd #abuse survivor #ptsd recovery #abuse victim #depression #sorry for being depressing #lost #lost myself #better off alone

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lifeofafreckledredhead · 8 months

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You are just a shell

When I look into your eyes it's empty

Your bones are showing now

You look like you are barely fighting to live anymore

You have no emotions

You are just a shell

And soon

You will be nothing at all

A.Val

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lifeofafreckledredhead · 8 months

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He broke me in a way that made me feel as though I was never enough

He broke me in a way that felt like my chest was heavy when he was near and when he was gone it was empty

He broke me in a way that I battled, loving him and hating him at the same time

He broke me in a way that I don't know what's the truth or whats a lie in every situation

He broke me in a way that I don't know who I am or who I even was before him.

He broke me without a care

A.Val

#you broke my fucking heart #heart been broke so many times #you broke my heart #sad thoughts #poet #lost my mind #mental health #emotional abuse #narcissistic abuse #living with ptsd #ptsd recovery #abuse survivor #abuse victim

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lifeofafreckledredhead · 8 months

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I lost everything loving you

I lost my sanity

I lost My identity

I lost my standards

I lost my morals

I lost my boundaries

I lost myself loving you

A.Val

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lifeofafreckledredhead · 8 months

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It doesn't make sense how they forget everything you've done for them

How they easily turn everyone against you because you aren't enabling them anymore

You are the bad guy in every situation even though when they caused it

They fail to mention what actions they did to cause your reactions

That you are the crazy one and he is innocent

They don't mention the craziness they cause when they are using and manipulate anything and anyone into believing they are the victim

A.Val

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lifeofafreckledredhead · 8 months

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The tone of their voice

How heavy their footsteps are

Sometimes it can even be a day of the week that you know will be hell

I am hyper aware of these noises and days, it's my way to prepare for what kind of mood he is in.

The active addict will keep your mind and body stuck in fight or flight mood until they are in recovery.

It's exhausting

It's draining

It's painful

A.Val

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lifeofafreckledredhead · 8 months

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I kept hoping and holding on to this love

The love that was so far behind us I couldn't even see it

Then I looked at the man I loved and couldn't recognize him

And then I knew I had to let go

A.Val

#sad thoughts #poet #lost my mind #loving an addict #addiction #detachment #mental health #emotional abuse #narcissistic abuse #living with ptsd #ptsd recovery #abuse survivor #abuse victim

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lifeofafreckledredhead · 8 months

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He weaponized everything he could

From the good to the bad

Whatever he could manipulate

His anger always felt like fire Burning through the house and no one could escape

The words he spoke felt like punches

His foot steps always told what mood he was in before he started his rampage

The smell of vodka filled the rooms he walked into

There was no escape

A.Val

#poet #sad thoughts #lost my mind #mental health #emotional abuse #narcissistic abuse #living with ptsd #ptsd recovery #abuse survivor #abuse victim #alcholic #living with anxiety #loving an addict #loving #you broke my fucking heart #heart been broke so many times

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