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just-being-aroace · 11 days

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What happens with aroace coded characters in fandoms that really annoys me:

Frodo Baggins: never involved in a relationship, loves his friends — fandom: he’s so in love with Sam, he even lets him and his family live with him

Bilbo Baggins: never married, dedicates his life to writing, adopts Frodo and loves him like a son — fandom: I ship him with Thorin so much

Sherlock Holmes: dedicated his life to his work, very loyal to his friends, never married or had a real relationship — fandom: he’s in love with Irene! He’s in love with John!

Aziraphale & Crowley: canonically ace according to the book, poster characters for a qpr — fandom: why don’t they just f**k? Why don’t they just k**s? This is queerbaiting!

There are probably more examples because it’s definitely a pattern.

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just-being-aroace · 1 month

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Some things I feel like we rarely talk about:

Aces who were pressured to have sex when they were in a relationship even though they didn’t want to do it

Aces who are afraid to get into a relationship because they fear they’d feel pressured to have sex

Aroaces who are scared of being alone their entire life

Aces who read posts saying that them not having sex with their partner is abusive

Aros being surrounded by couples

Aroaces feeling pressured to find great friends and/or passions in life not to feel left out

I feel you all <3

#aroace #aromantic #aromantic asexual #asexual #ace community #ace #im very aroace #aro #I feel like we really are invisible sometimes

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just-being-aroace · 3 months

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Decisions screenwriters/producers of TBBT made on Amy Farrah Fowler that bug me:

They changed her from practically aroace person into a hyper sexual one. At the beginning she was barely interested in dating and her rule was no sex. Even when Sheldon was wondering if the real act would be as enjoyable as pretending to be in a sexual relationship Amy said she was not yet in that place. She first feels sexual attraction upon meeting Zack but decides not to act on it. And then suddenly she’s super into sex without any reason really.

I don’t understand why they had to do the makeover in the last episodes. I loved original Amy. The cardigan wearing Amy. The orthopedic shoes Amy. The grandma style Amy. Of course she looked more attractive after Raj helped her. But it was a bit inconsistent with her character. She had her comfort zone and dressed accordingly (for dates, interviews etc.). I don’t like that it wasn’t enough for her to win a Nobel prize and have a happy life – she had to become attractive on top of it.

Amy had a great relationship with Howard from some point of the story. But the writers would forget about it from time to time and make them awkward in close proximity.

#amy farrah fowler #Amy the Big Bang Theory #Amy tbbt #tbbt #the big bang theory #aroace #aromantic #aromantic asexual

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just-being-aroace · 5 months

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I absolutely love The Big Bang Theory because not only is it an interesting show about “different” people but also because I headcanon Sheldon as an aroace character and I love seeing the relationships he forms especially the one with Amy (which for me has the strongest qpr vibes). So I wanted to share my favorite parts about their qpr:

they respect each other’s boundaries

they move at a pace that’s comfortable for both of them

they discuss and compromise on physical activities

they were friends at first and then they decided to change the character of the relationship without changing its characteristics – they called each other girlfriend and boyfriend which was the main change, they also decided to go on dates (during which they were doing the same things as before)

they developed love for each other over time

even when doing something others would describe as romantic they didn’t characterize it as romantic

they didn’t act romantic (even Leonard described their hand holding as not romantic)

their relationship was based on mutual respect, similar interests and understanding of each other’s need for space

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just-being-aroace · 6 months

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Things that are way better than sex, kissing and romance:

good food

entertaining book

well-made Netflix show

going to bed at 10 pm

music that gives you goosebumps

music you can loudly singalong to while driving

movies you can watch 10 times and they are still great

learning languages

looking at art

wearing comfy clothes

feeling warm, cozy and hyggelig

staying up all night reading

#aroace #aromantic #aromantic asexual #asexual #im very aroace #ace #ace community #aro #aroace community #aro community #things better than sex #hygge #hyggelig #reading #books #movies #tv shows #sleeping #music

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just-being-aroace · 6 months

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I had another epiphany today (turns out driving is an excellent time to figure oneself out).

People would often call me cynical when I said that what we call being in love is actually a bunch of hormones in our organisms. I would also add a fun fact that when you eat a lot of chocolate similar hormones are actually released. But I never denied the existence of love as a feeling. I just always classified it as something organic and said that when it fades (I mean being in love) you can experience deeper feelings like attachment, respect, comfort and trust. To which people would often remark that there’s no deeper feeling than love.

I feel like we have a great problem with defining love actually. There are different types of love but sometimes it seems like we fail to differentiate them.

I always thought that falling in love is strictly chemical but it wasn’t repulsive for me because of it. Now, after discovering that I’m actually aroace, I understand better why I didn’t have a problem with that definition but other people could have.

#aroace #aromantic #aromantic asexual #asexual #im very aroace #ace #ace community #aro #aroace community #aro community #aromantic community #asexual community

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just-being-aroace · 6 months

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DECLAIMER: This is a post reposted from my other blog, I decided to repost it because the review is written form the perspective of an aroace person, BUT I do write about sexual content (though not explicitly)

There are books that describe really important topics but at the same time they are so uncomfortable for me to read. But not because of the topic itself (which would be actually better because that would mean that I have to face something new and grow) but because of the side things like vulgarity, eroticism and sexuality.

I have two particular books in mind: „Walking practice“ by Dolki Min and „Norwegian Wood“ by Haruki Murakami.

The first one talks about what it means to be human and nonbinary in the binary world and how the binary world works in the mind of a nonbinary spectator.

The second one is an amazing struggle with mental illness and how it is to function in a relationship with a person who struggles. It shows many feelings and problems but also what it means to live in a reality if it actually exists.

But both of them were explicitly (and sometimes extremly) sexual. Needlessly sexual for me.

There was too much intercourse in the „Norwegian Wood“ but while reading „Walking practice“ I felt actually repulsed by the erotic descriptions. Moreover I really felt like it didn’t bring anything to the narrative.

Vulgarity has to play a role to be used but for me it looked like really tasteless sprinkles on top of an important story (here I’m talking speciafically about „Walking practice“). Yes, I’m speaking from the perspective of the aroace person. That’s why even though the sex scenes bugged me a bit, I can accept that it’s a way of displaying deep affections in the „Norwegian Wood”.

Meanwhile the vulgar sexuality of „Walking practice“ made me really uncomfortable not in a I-m-growing-as-a-person uncomfortable but in a I-want-to-stop-reading-immidiately way. Which is sad because as I stated before I consider the story extremly important in the discussion about binary vs nonbinary culture.

#books #japan #japanese #japanese literature #literature #south korean literature #dolki min #walking practice #haruki murakami #norwegian wood #aroace #aromantic #arospec #acespec #asexual #aromantic asexual #oversexualization

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just-being-aroace · 6 months

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And there are so many ways to describe it now!

(I don’t have a source unfortunately if somebody knows who’s the author please tag them or let me know)

Ever since I discovered that I'm aroace I've been struggling with something. The thing that made me question my identity for so long and still makes me a bit usure.

I’ve been avoiding calling myself aromantic because I’ve read many times that one of the signature signs of being aromantic is not having crushes.

And I had been having crushes on people ever since primary school.

But today I actually discovered that every time I had something I called a crush it was not a crush in the… conventional sense.

Every person I was crushing on was completly unavailable for me. I think I subconsciuously chose people I would not have a chance with and there was no way we’d ever be „together“ in any sense.

It was easy for me to have a crush because I didn’t have to do anything to make it into something more.

My crush was never once romantic nor sexual, I never wanted to do any of those things with people I called my crushes.

I was just calling them that because I thought that term fit (even though it didn’t).

Because of that I felt like I can’t call myslef an aromantic.

But now I know that I want to. I want to be aroace because I’ve never felt better with any other label.

#aro #aroace #aromantic #aromantic asexual #asexual #im very aroace #ace community #aromantic spectrum #ace #aroace community

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