“Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tiptoe if you must, but take a step.”

— Unknown

Fibromyalgia is...

Trying to relax and fall asleep, but every single position you try seems to push on your body in all the worst ways, making your pain level skyrocket and overloading your brain with signals, therefore making it hard to turn off and sleep. 

“May you have the courage to go places that scare you.”

— Unknown

"Birthday Week & Orthorexia: Monday Catch Up 5/3/21 #weightloss #weightlossjourney #orthorexia" on YouTube

May 3rd, 2021

Uh food has been a challenge again.

Insta: Fostergettingfit

Myfitnesspal: FosterRider

YouTube Channel: It's Not As Simple As Just Eating

Tuesday 4/20/21

Yesterday (the 20th) was hard. I had my Nexplanon implanted and felt like shit all day. I just wanted to nap and finally got up to make supper. I made zoodle shrimp scampi. It was super yummy.

Will definitely try to eat more today (the 21st)

I can't even use my damn punching bag yet until the implant settles. I'm so I comfortable

Today was complicated. I kept forgetting to get my lunch and doing something else. #teamadd

Drinking so much water kills my hunger as well.

Ok I'm back. My youtube channel is active again. Things are well.

Sunday November 8, 2020

Lazy food and exercise day

November 3, 2020

So I am out of my intensive outpatient treatment program. I was in it for 11 exhausting weeks. Lots of trauma processing, them feeding us really unhealthy lunches and coming home to take meds and passing out most of the evening.

I feel so much lighter mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. My weight has fluctuated again but now I will have the energy to cook, clean, and prepare my own meals again. We got to the root of a lot of my weight and food addiction issues and the traumas that caused them.

I still have regular therapy with my regular therapist. She is no longer on fmla leave and am slowly trying to integrate into our new normal covid world.

Food journal: Monday 11-2-2020

Asparagu, turkey bacon, green onion, and mozzarella cheese

September 2, 2020

SW: 400lbs (6/22/2020)

CW: 347lbs

GW: healthy

- 53lbs

August 16, 2020

SW: 400 (June 22nd)

CW: 348

GW: Healthy

- 52lbs

Therapy, is like cleaning your room.

It gets worse before it gets better.

The first thing you have to do is unpack all the old baggage. The trauma, sadness, and unresolved issues you’ve shoved in the corner under the laundry need to be brought out into the open. You spread your shit all over the floor, going through each piece individually.

Not until you have unpacked and inventoried the grief can you begin to put it away.

Now you need a plan. How to organize it all. What do you keep, and what do you throw away. If it’s something you keep you need to decide where to put it. Find some space on a shelf where it can be neatly tucked away. It’s still accessible to be revisited, but is not longer in the middle of the floor and now lives peacefully in the closet. Then there are the things you throw away. Childhood habits that are hard to part with. It takes time to say goodbye. Even if your throw it away, is it ever truly gone? Sometimes pieces get left behind. Don’t forget the throw the cookie away, before it starts to grow mold. Can’t have it stinking up the whole room again.

The process is never truly done. More crap accumulates and has to be cleared out. It’s easier if you deal with new things as they arrive, but sometimes it builds up again. And you have to go digging to clean out all the nooks and crannies. It isn’t easy. It isn’t fun. It is work that has to be done.

It sucks. No way around that. But in the end you have an organized room. You know how to handle the mess. Maybe one day, everything will stay in its place.