i-m-nobody-who-are-you - Tumblr blog

i-m-nobody-who-are-you · 3 months

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I’ve mourned over 100 days for people who I’ll never meet, whose names I’ll never know. I weep for my brothers and sisters halfway across the world and wonder: “How can they trust the same God that has blessed me so, when He is silent upon hearing their cries? How, when I struggle to get out of bed, and they don’t even have a bed to get out of? How, when their homes have been ripped from them and blown to smithereens, can they say ‘When we are free, we’ll share a meal’?” And lord willing, we will; but every day it seems more and more impossible.

- I weep for my siblings in Palestine

2.12.2023

#mine #poetry #mourning #free palestine

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i-m-nobody-who-are-you · 8 months

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You took my shoes again.

You have a pair exactly like them,

Plus you keep leaving your shoes out here

There are, at all times, three pairs of shoes - your shoes- out in the living room

But you took mine

You haven’t thrown out your soda from last night

I wonder if it will sit one, two, three days before you get rid of it

One time it was a week. I counted.

Not to mention all your other stuff cluttering the coffee table.

Oh hey, rent’s due the end of this week

Are you actually going to have it this time?

Or will the leasing office have to send us yet another letter threatening to evict us - because of you - that you will neither open nor read

The bathroom smells like wet dog. Allegedly, you will wipe down the tub when you get home

I highly doubt it

Much like I doubt you’ll take out the recycling when you get home

Even though you told me you would

The bin in the kitchen is piled high

Mostly with your boxes of frozen food.

I love you

But you have so, so much growing up to do.

I am not your mother.

I am not your maid.

We are both adults who work full-time.

I pull my weight

You can too.

God I can’t wait to live alone

8.30.2023

#mine #vent

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i-m-nobody-who-are-you · 1 year

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The lion came across an archer one day. He was a traveler, the archer said, always preparing for the next adventure. He’d never been to the savannah before, so why not? The lion comes off of his perch, the hair on his big, beautiful mane glowing in the sunlight. What a remarkable creature, the archer remarks, to which the lion replied that he knows.

The archer came to explore, the lion serving as his guide. With the king of the savannah on his side, surely he will get far. After all, no creature dared mess with the lion, and, ever loyal, the lion does not leave the archer’s side. Together, they are unstoppable.

The lion and the archer leave no stone left unturned. Every patch of grass, puddle of water, and tree rooted to the ground, they had explored together. And the best part? This was only the beginning. The world is so wide, and to travel it with the right friend makes the journey all the better.

Some time after this, however, the lion notices the archer becoming distant, detached. Is everything alright, the lion asks. The archer replies that he is fine. As the days go on, the lion only believes him less and less. The archer starts to show up later, and later, and sometimes not at all. Eventually, the lion ends up spending most days on his perch on the rock, the sun beating down on him as he waits and waits for his friend.

One day, the archer comes back. Overjoyed, the lion runs to greet his companion, when he is suddenly greeted by a stabbing pain in his chest. He looks up at the archer, nonchalantly holding the bow in his hand. The archer isn’t smiling, nor is he crying, or seething, or fuming. His expression is completely blank, as if he’s unaware of what he’s done.

The lion falls to the ground at the archer’s feet, straining to look at his once dear friend. Blood pours out of him and onto the dirt as the lion weakly asks why. The archer replies with a simple shrug. Dunno, he says, then walks away as if it never happened. The lion’s final image of his friend before he falls unconscious is the archer’s back facing him.

The lion still has the chest wound from the archer’s arrow. It’s healing, slowly. It seems to feel better when another archer comes to visit, but the archers always leave him lying on the ground, stuck with yet another arrow.

The archers always do this. They lure him in with promise of adventure, never leave his side, make him think he’s got a friend just as loyal as he is. Then, without a second thought or an ounce of guilt, they fire an arrow.

Covered in slowly-healing wounds, the lion has learned to always, always stay away from the archers.

— the archer and the lion

2/2/2023

#mine #spilled thoughts #spilled ink #broken friendships #friend breakup #betrayal #sadness #zodiac #Leo #sagittarius

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i-m-nobody-who-are-you · 2 years

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I attended my first gay wedding

On a cloudy Friday morning, just before 10, at a tiny church in a run-down part of town. Not a single bridesmaid to be found, no maid of honor. My friend’s dad wasn’t there to walk her down the aisle, or any of her parents, or siblings. No, it was just her, her wife, me, and another friend.

My friend wrote me on Tuesday. Asked if I’d do her a favor. “It’s urgent,” she said. “We’re getting married on Friday and we need one more witness.” She was afraid, given the current political climate, and honestly, I can’t blame her. Last week they took away our bodily autonomy, and who knows; next, it could be our right to marry who we love. My friend and her wife had planned to save first, but they figured, why not get married now, while they still can?

In a tiny church in a run-down part of town, I attended the wedding of the first friend of mine who got married. A bittersweet moment for sure. My friend looked radiant, and so did her partner. The way they looked at each other made me believe, if only for a moment, that maybe true love is real. And true love was there, in that tiny church, with no one to see but two friends and the pastor in a rainbow stole. Afterwards, we went and got coffee, and talked, and laughed, as if the news of last week was long gone.

I’m glad I got to be there for the wedding. I just wish it had been under better circumstances, I guess.

#mine #poetry #love #love poetry #gay wedding #lesbian wedding #bittersweet #politics #wedding #marriage #eloping

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i-m-nobody-who-are-you · 2 years

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Do mi ti, why not me?

Why not me?

Do mi ti, why not me?

Why not me?

The words of that damn song have been swirling around my mind these last 24 hours. It’s like a broken record, constantly repeating.

It was the first question that came to mind when he told me: why not me? Why lie? Why not tell the whole truth? If he wasn’t interested in a relationship with me specifically, he should have told me. When he said “I’m not looking for anything serious” I thought that meant in general. Turns out, he was looking for something serious. Just not with me. Again I ask, why not me?

He sure made good use of my washing machine heart. A few weeks ago, when we stayed up talking until 2 in the morning, it wasn’t even sexual; he just wanted to talk. For four hours. On a weeknight, knowing damn well we both had to work in the morning. He did most of the talking. He went on and on and on about tech stuff, and between his accent when he’s tired and my lack of knowledge in the area, he may as well have spoken a different language. I couldn’t understand most of what he said, but I smiled. I listened. I asked questions. Honestly, I don’t regret it. He got to talk about something he was excited about. I’d never seen the look he had on his face before. His eyes went from the shade of the ocean to a lovely sky blue. I love seeing that look, on anyone really, not just my partners.

I listened and listened and listened. I barely got a word in edgewise, but I wanted so badly to see that light in his eyes. He shared so much with me that night, and not just about his tech stuff. He talked about his issues with trusting people. He talked about hurt in past relationships. He listened when I told him that the reason I'm apprehensive about hard drugs is because my dad died of a drug overdose when I was 17. He empathized with me, and told me he’d lost someone that way too. He told me he didn’t trust people easily. But he trusted me. I thought that meant something.

Silly me.

It was like a switch flipped one day. He was acting distant. Taking an eternity to answer my messages. I was lucky if we even had a conversation of substance in the days preceding all of this. I knew what was coming. I knew what was wrong. And I was hoping, praying that I was wrong. But the thing is, I can read people better than even I think I can. I could see this a mile away. This has happened before. I know what to look for. I’m autistic but I’m not an idiot.

That didn’t stop my stomach from dropping at the news that he’d found someone else.

Logically, I know we would not have worked as a couple. I couldn’t picture a life with him if I tried. There are too many key differences between us. Besides, I already have a partner. Is it selfish to not want him, yet be upset when he leaves? Probably. But that’s the way I feel. I’m not going to get mad at him over it. How could I? We agreed to what we agreed to.

Physically, I know I’m desirable. The bastard still has my nudes saved on Snapchat. I’ve had many partners compliment my figure, my breasts, my legs. I was half-joking by the age of 13: “My ass is the only thing I’ve got going for me.” I didn’t know how right I’d be. My first partner saw me as little more than a consistent way to get laid. Very few partners, specifically male partners, have seen me as more than that. To them, I’m an ear to listen. I make them laugh. I’m told my presence is calming, and that I always respond with kindness. But above all, I’m someone they want to sleep with. They make that abundantly clear. That’s why they discard me, despite what I do for them, without an ounce of empathy.

Why not me? Because it’s never me. Everyone leaves eventually, and moves on fairly quickly. Maybe that’s why I struggle to love my actual partner. I have it in the back of my mind that our days together are numbered. I don’t know that number though. It could be in a month. It could be in a week. Hell, it could be tomorrow morning. At least she’d probably show empathy. Which is better than most other cases. Sad, isn’t it? How little I’ve learned to trust people. No, I expect them to toss me their dirty shoes, and once they’re clean, out they go.

Still, I ask:

Why not me?

‘Why not me?’

4/7/2022

#mine #poetry #heartbreak #negative #sadness #one sided relationships #vulnerability #one sided friendship

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i-m-nobody-who-are-you · 2 years

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The other day I tried my first cigarette. The taste was repulsive. I felt like I’d licked tar, but I pushed through.

Four years ago I had my first joint. It smelled like a skunk and burned my throat. I coughed violently, but I still finished it.

Five years ago I did my first shot. It was straight, flavorless vodka and we didn’t even have any chasers. I shivered as the liquid trudged down my throat. Naturally, I did the next round.

People are like that too, you know. They intimidate you at first. Maybe it’s their personality, or the fact that you feel like you’re “out of their league”. But you shoot your shot anyway.

And just like the burn of the vodka, the cough from the weed, the foul taste of the cigarette, you grow to like them. They make you happy. Soon, you can’t get enough. You become unable to imagine life without them.

And then just like the weed, the booze, and the cigarette, they’ll leave you broken and empty.

“I’ve fallen in love with the taste of poison”

12/15/2021

#mine #poetry #cigarettes #smoking #marijuana #weed #alcohol #vodka #unrequited feelings #pining #unhealthy relationships

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i-m-nobody-who-are-you · 2 years

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smut guide

for people who need some help with smuts

don’t read if you’re not comfortable

These are from a site where the person knows what they’re talking about. So if you don’t think these are accurate, move along. It could be helpful to others

reaction words

shivered

shuttered

trembled

quivers

quakes

shakes

gasps

moan

groans

jolted

jerked

pants

huffs

cries out

bites back a moans

breathing hitched

collapsing

eyes rolled back

arched back

adverbs(a lack of adverbs weakens your writing)

shakily

desperately

roughly

deeply

raggedly

breathily

loudly

lazily

softly

gently

warmly

frantically

quickly

slowly

harshly

sexy words for said

purred

cooed

murmured

whispered

breathed

rasped

cried out

begged

muttered

growled

grunted

mewled

chocked

sobbed

whimpered

pleaded

teased

sexy actions

licking

nipping

biting

shoving our hips together

pinned their wrists

caressed

stroked

hike up shirt

pressing against wall

rank nails through hair

hooking legs around waist

splay hands over chest

dipping tongue into ___

hair pulling

grasping their chin and tilt up/down

cupping cheek

lips brush ear

hip grind/thrusting/rolled/shifting

dirty talk

tease

kissing

brushed lips together

teeth clicking together

lip play(biting/running tongue over lip)

pausing when lips are just barely touching

sucking bottom lip

kissing hard

teeth clicking

sucking tongue

swirling tongue around one

blow job

redden lips

swollen lips

slick

sloppy

making eye contact

hallowing cheeks

swirling tongue

fucking someones mouth

deep throat

playing with balls

using hands and lips together

oral(female)

lapping

playing with woman wetness

fingering

parting lips

flicking their tongue

delving tongue

fleshly pink/brown (i prefer not to use skin color for poc)

intercourse

sinking into someone/cock

riding

digging fingers into shoulder/hips/back/chest

snapped/slammed/pounding hips

pace/rhythm

orgasm

shockwaves

pulsing

shattered

coil snapped

splintering

going tense/still

jerking

moans mix with curses words and/or lover name

slang word

clit

cock

dick

slit

cum/cumming

sexy word

dark

sinful

lush

wanted

need

velvet/lace/satin/silk

desire

heat

aroused

intoxicated

teased

spanked

strip

#random reblog #reference

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i-m-nobody-who-are-you · 3 years

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Evangelicals like using that phrasing to refer to the clit so feel free to use that lmfao

No tank tops

No spaghetti straps

No showing your shoulders

Lest your christian brothers see them and they all get boners

Button up shirts on chapel days

Skirts to mid-calf

Where they sit down and tell us not to show our knees

Ladies do not make your brothers stumble, please

Even though it’s hot out it’s 90 degrees

And this building is old, it doesn’t have AC

I feel like I’m going to faint

But long pants only

Because knees are close to the thighs

And in between them is the devil’s doorbell

Hidden away where they didn’t teach us

Because they only taught about our bodies when explaining why we were sinful for daring to exist

The boys were the leaders of the house, the breadwinners

While we were either temptresses or incubators

For children that we may not be able or want to have

But only in wedlock

Because a piece of paper saved us from sin but if we dared show love before it, we WERE the paper, crumpled up and torn apart

“Romans 1” they tell us when they warn of lustful behavior that we would receive the due penalty in our bodies

But what about the 18-year-old who gave themselves up wanting to be loved

Sitting in the doctor’s office alone

Being told “it’s not your fault he didn’t tell you”

But in this child’s ears ring the words of their ninth grade Bible teacher

“You have received the due penalty”

So here’s to the crumpled up pieces of paper

The licked cupcakes

The chewed gum

The tape that’s lost it’s sticky

They say Jesus came for the sick

But they never told us we’d need healing

From they themselves who claimed to be doctors.

“The crumpled-up piece of paper”

3/13/2021

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i-m-nobody-who-are-you · 3 years

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And the day will come eventually

You’ll be just like the rest

When I can no longer picture myself

Laying on your chest

When of all my loves I no longer

Consider you the best

But I do

I still need you

In this empty nest

8/16/2021

#mine #poetry #love #romance #breakup #heartbreak #spilled ink #spilled thoughts #scb #i miss you

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i-m-nobody-who-are-you · 3 years

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And I’ve been learning how to spend my time

When it’s not with you

And I’ve been learning to enjoy again

The things we used to do

Who knows we could even start again if

Ever you wanted to

But I know you don’t

I know you won’t

But I still want you

8/16/2021

#mine #poetry #love #romance #heartbreak #breakup #spilled ink #scb #moving on

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i-m-nobody-who-are-you · 3 years

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I was planning our future

You were planning your exit

‘Other Plans’

8/16/2021

#mine #poetry #heartbreak #breakup #sadness #one sided relationship #scb

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i-m-nobody-who-are-you · 3 years

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It was so much easier to get up when I woke up next to you.

‘My sleep schedule is now fucked’

8/6/2021

#mine #poetry #love #heartbreak #breakup #spilled ink #sapphic poems #scb

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i-m-nobody-who-are-you · 3 years

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You taught me to appreciate the sun

Then the sky turned dark

‘You took the light’

7/21/2021

#mine #poetry #love #romance #spilled ink #spilled thoughts #love poems #sapphic poems #sapphic love #breakup #heartbreak #scb

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i-m-nobody-who-are-you · 3 years

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Boss made a dollar

I made a dime,

That was a poem

From a simpler time.

Now boss makes a thousand

And gives us a cent

While he’s got employees

Who can’t pay the rent.

So when boss makes a million

And the workers make jack

Then that’s when we riot

And take our lives back.

#WorkingClassSolidarity

#not mine #politics #leftist

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i-m-nobody-who-are-you · 3 years

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I walk up to the coffee shop- small, new

My breath catches when, in the window, I

Catch a glimpse of a fair, round face-it’s you

At the couch where you sit, we each say hi

And from that moment, time ceases to be

Minutes turn to hours, the sky grows dark

City so big but it’s just you and me

Though we just met there’s already a spark

Your eyes angelic, the kindest I’ve seen

Your smile brighter than this southern sun

I’ve not felt like this since I was eighteen

And lovers since then, there have been none

That make me feel as happy as you do

So take this bad sonnet I wrote for you

“This bad sonnet”

6/3/2021

#poem #poetry #love poem #sapphic #bisexual #sapphic poems #sapphic love #girlfriend #scb #spilled thoughts #spilled ink #love poems #sonnet

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i-m-nobody-who-are-you · 3 years

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Her

I have seen her straight out of bed.

Bed hair, bed eyes and bed smile.

Lying on her favourite pillow, with her favourite cover

Drawn up her body like the most fragile ferocious shield

Waking up after a night that seems to go on forever;

Relentless, tiresome ticking away of seconds that gushed in with anxiety and misery.

I have seen her calling it a night when the sun is about to shine and waking up feeling perplexed with no recollection of how she survived the darkness.

I have seen her straight out of bed and she has looked like the most exotic and lonely thing to walk Earth.

And I do not remember loving anyone else so fiercely.

#not mine #sapphic #scb

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i-m-nobody-who-are-you · 3 years

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They say the demonic hour is 3am, but instead I find myself face-to-face with an angel

‘3am’

5.20.2021

#mine #love #crush #sapphic #sapphic poetry #scb #romance #spilled thoughts #spilled ink #poetry #love poems

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