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alwaysaglader · 9 months

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With you, even when I lose, I am winning (Charles Leclerc X Reader)

Y/N's P.O.V

An unexpected line of events happened on this lazy Sunday afternoon when my best friend, Charles, showed up at my door with his luggage in one hand and a bouquet of flowers on his other hand.

Taken by surprise and excitement at his early arrival only a few hours after the GP ended, I couldn't help but have a huge smile plastered onto my face as I leaped into his arms, making him chuckle and spin me around in his own excitement.

Still confused as to what he was doing here so early, I couldn't resist feeling my smile grow more as he explained that he booked an immediate flight right after the GP to come stay with me every minute he could during this 2 weeks break before the next GP.

Who knew that what started as a dull Sunday afternoon was to be twisted to an amazing evening now that Charles was here, already unpacking his luggage for the next 2 weeks!!

Charles being home for the break always insists on making me home cooked meals as much as he can, regardless of my complaints being that this week being his time to rest. All cause he knows all too well how much I dislike cooking hence my tendency to always order take out and never having a home cooked meal.

So Charles though he'd surprise me with a new recipe Carlos had taught him, which started off well by the looks of it, but ended up with smoke puffing out of my oven and a very roasted of something that I am not sure what cooling down on my counter top.

Right now, we were laughing on the kitchen floor, eating the ice cream Charles picked up on the way from the airport instead of Carlos's special recipe.

Eating between bouts of laughter had Charles struggling to get the spoon straight into either of our mouths, which resulted with both of us with ice cream all over our faces.

Next thing I know Charles had his phone pointed at me a chuckle escaping his lips and I heard the click sound before I could even react to his fast reflexes. "Ma belle, you look so adorable. Like a Cookie Monster".

"Charles I look gross" I whined in a failed attempt to grab the phone from his grip. "Look at me. I am sleep deprived and exhausted".

"I've even got raccoon eyes" I moved closer and widened my eyes at him which only made him let out a chuckle before leaning in closer and brushing his fingers along my cheeks.

"And you're still more beautiful than any sunrise I've ever seen" he whispered ever so softly.

"And I've seen sunrises all around the world ma cherie so you cannot argue with me" he said with a cheeky grin and rubbed my back while he continued to hold me close. I hummed and smiled, loving this moment.

"So mon armor" he started softly after a moment of comfortable silence, but I could feel a hint of caution in his voice this time like he was trying to tread lightly on something. "Tell me what's been going on with you lately?".

His question caught me off guard as I raised my head from looking at the ice cream tub to capture his concerned eyes looking into mine, before looking back down quickly when I felt my heart hurt at his look of worry towards me.

"Ma bella what's going on in that beautiful mind?" he asked again, this time tilting my head back up gently with his two fingers under my chin.

"Nothing. I'm fine" I said quickly, looking back down and aimlessly stirring the melted ice cream in the tub.

"Y/N" I heard Charles say, before feeling the warmth of his big, tender hands being placed on mine. "Mon armor, you're lying. When you're upset don't lie to me when you can talk about it".

"No matter what it is, even if it's about me. I am here for you" he continued in a soft tone, gently rubbing circles on my skin with the tip of his thumbs, "and my goal is to make you happy and keep you there. Even if someone else gets you down it is my job to bring you back up".

Before I knew it tears started to stream down my face from the mere moment I looked up at him and met with his concerned eyes and gentle smile making me vulnerable in his presence.

Hurriedly covering my face with my hands I tried to looked away, but the moment I felt the tears rolling down my face I felt Charles big hands being placed over mine removing them from my puffed up face.

"Y/N, no, don't you dare hide your tears from me" he said, peppering a few kisses over the trail of tears while his hands wiped away the tears dripping down my chin. "When you are crying you are beautiful too".

After a few moments of being in a bubble of silence, I felt Charles shuffle to wrap his arms around me and gently engulfing me in his warm embrace. "Y/N, what's going on?".

A silence fell on us again, when I was at a loss of words of how I could even begin to explain the chaos in my head lately without sounding crazy.

Charles sensed my struggle to express myself, something he's always known about me, and never forced me to. Instead he pressed a soothing kiss on my forehead, and continued to stroke my hair gently, calming my heat beat to the beat of his own.

After a few moments of being intertwined, his soft breathing almost lulling my chaotic head to sleep, did I felt his chest rumble as he hummed against my hair leaving a few kisses here and there.

"Y/N, are you ready to tell me what's going on in that beautiful mind, mon armour?" He asked softly, voice still laced with the same concern.

I let out a small sniffle to his shoulder before managing to put a sentence together. "It's my final year of med school Charles".

"I'm struggling to handle it" I felt my own voice sounded airy as I desperately tried to fight back my tears again. "It has been an overload of work since Year 5 started. Piles of assignments, presentations.. and my final exam is coming up in 2 weeks and 3 days and I am falling behind on studying... and I feel like I am on the verge of breaking down any day".

I felt Charles's arms tighten around me and pull me closer to him than possible. "Mon armour why have you been keeping this to yourself?" he asked gently, placing a few kisses to my shoulder to calm me down, "why didn't you tell me?".

"We tell each other everything" he said, sounding hurt, as I pulled my face away from being buried in the crook of his neck to look at his piercing blue eyes staring deeply into mine.

"I just felt like I am too much to handle Charles. Even for myself" I said truthfully, my own heart breaking at my own words. "I couldn't begin to imagine what a burden I must be on you"

"No no no mon armour. Don't you dare say that" he said, immediately smothering me with kisses and wiping my dripping tears again, "you are never too much for me Y/N. You are just enough".

The more I stared into his eyes as he dried my cheeks, the closer I grew to him.

"You know I am in awe of you right?" he murmured, while caressing my head gently with the palm of my hand. The caressing continued slowly.

"You are able to handle anything Y/N. You always have. You still do. You always will", he said with the gentlest movements, and pressed a kiss on my nose as soon as our eyes met. "It's just that you don't have to do it alone anymore. We take care of each other remember?".

"Honestly I feel happy when you share every small thing with me" he chuckled lightly, making me let out a chuckle too. "Me too Charles".

"That's better" he grinned, running his thumb along my lips, "I will fight anything that threatens to take that smile away from you".

"Even if it's a big pile of books". A giggle escaped my lips, as I buried my head in the crook of his neck again, unable to control the butterflies in my stomach with the level of Charles's cuteness.

A few seconds wrapped in his warm embrace made a small yawn leave my lips as I felt my eyes feel heavy. Charles must have felt me grow boneless in his arms cause I felt his embrace tighten, holding me closer to his chest for dear life.

"Let's get you to bed mon armour". His soft breath hit my ear tickling me a little, making me giggle and pull away to look at him, a gentle smile already settled on his lips.

"Tonight you need to sleep well. Tomorrow morning we will start studying ok?" he said, gently rocking us from side to side, like it was the most natural thing to do.

"We?" I tilted my head in confusion, to which he nodded at me with a toothy grin. "We".

"It is you and me against the world remember?" he smiled knowingly, his fingers interwinding with mine, before he bought them to his lips and placed a soft kiss on our locked digits.

I couldn't help but feel a smile spread across my face at hearing that promise. A promise we made to each other when we became friends years ago.

When Charles got in to F1 and I got into medical school - when we felt like we had the whole world to face - we made a promise to face the world together as one. Against anything the world throws at us.

5 years later, and never a day has gone by when we haven't kept that promise, even when it seemed like the darkest of days, we always found a way to be each other's light, if not we would sit in the dark together.

"You and me" I placed a kiss on his cheek tinting them red and I couldn't help but smile myself as I lost myself in his beautiful smile and twinkling eyes gazing at me, sparkling brightly.

Next morning, I woke up to the smell of pancakes travelling all around my room. Tracing the source of the scent to my kitchen I walked in on Charles in a red T-shirt and black shorts, and a bandana already on his head, scribbling on a stack of papers in his own world.

"Morning mon armour" I couldn't help but giggle at how cute he looked, as I entered the kitchen startling him out of his focused mood with my sudden entrance. "You are up early".

"Ma cherie. You scared me" he said with a hand over his chest, already standing and walking over to me with open arms, engulfing me in his warm embrace. "Good morning".

"You were fast asleep and I didn't have the heart to wake you" he said, his arm still holding me close to his chest while the other tucked a loose piece of hair behind my ear, "so I ran to the store and got your favourite maple syrup and made your favourite pancakes".

"So you can start your day with a smile" he sent a cheeky wink my way. I felt the heat rise to my cheeks as I tore my gaze away from his to hide my blushing face and my biting my bottom lip to keep myself from smiling too wide.

"You spoil me too much you know" I shoved his arm playfully, pulling away from the embrace, to control these feelings erupting in me looking into his eyes. It was a failed effort cause he caught my arm and only pulled me closer. "Ma bella, you deserve every bit of it".

My heart missed a few pulses from his words as I could feel his big, tender hands creep up on the sides of my face, his fingers brushing my cheeks with gentle strokes, tingles beginning to spread through my body.

"Sooo what is going on here?" I asked, knocking myself out of this trance, and averting my eyes to the mess on my counter top, which I started to notice was stacked with my notes, textbooks and a bundle of coloured pens and highlighters.

"I know you highlight all definite exam points in your notes with orange so I started making flash cards on them to quiz you" he said with the proudest smile on his face, holding up the colourful flash cards he seem to have spent the whole morning making.

"I also went and got you the medical supplies on the list you had written so you can practice" he said with a smile, pulling out the list from his pocket, that I wrote and pinned to the fridge weeks ago. "And I am all yours to practice your examinations and procedures on".

"Charles" I gasped, cupping my hands over my mouth, unable to grasp the shock of all his actions and words. All the effort he's gone through. I couldn't even begin to embrace it.

"You did all this for me...I don't know how to... I have no words..." I babbled, my mind unable to comprehend his kind thoughts to help me, and little did I know this was just the least of how he was going to stick with me through this.

The next couple of days, Charles never left my side, he ran to the pharmacy to get me medical supplies I needed to practice with, every time I ran out or even forgot what I needed at times. He spent endless mornings and nights making me flash cards, and even reading my piles of notes and bulky textbooks with me for hours just so I won't get bored or frustrated with the pile of work. And he even spent hours listening to me explain to him what I studied cause he knows that helps me remember more.

No matter how many times I convinced him to go sleep and rest himself, never did he.

No matter how badly his eyes were on the verge of closing or how many yawns he tried to hide from me. "I wanna stay up with you" he mumbled groggily, "I don't want you to be alone".

With my face pressed against his, I noticed him talking with his eyes being closed in tiredness on one occasion last night. Smiling at him nuzzling himself onto me half asleep, growing boneless, I gently rolled us over so he could lay his head on my chest.

"Mon armour I am never alone when I am with you" I whispered softly, pressing a kiss on his forehead before picking up my book continuing to read laying down on the couch now with Charles laying on top of me with his arms lazily wrapped around but keeping me warm.

"I will always be here if you need me" I heard him murmur sleepily, nuzzling his head under my chin, "no matter how far in distance or time. I don't care if we are on different continents or if its five, fifty years in the future. You will always have me".

My heart missed a few beats at his words before he fell fast asleep.

This morning, I was sitting on my couch, my head buried in my thousand paged book while Charles was on the sitting on the floor at the coffee table in front of me writing more flash cards.

He was wearing his blue sweater with the black "Ferrari" print on the front along with his black shorts paired up with the bandana and a pair of glasses. His nose was scrunched up and lips pursed together tightly in sheer focus. His head would start bobbing along to a tune he would start humming at times, with a smile in my direction when I couldn't help but smile myself on hearing his soothing voice, but little did he know, it was just more than his gentle voice echoing in my ears that had me smiling about him.

Ever since I met Charles, my thoughts cannot move an inch without bumping into some piece of him.

And I cannot stop myself from constantly falling into him.

Charles is the one who waits back to tie my shoe for me. The one who shifts closer to me when I subconsciously move away while walking next to him cause I can never seem to walk in a straight line. The one who smiles widely as soon as I look at him. The one who seeks me out as soon as he gets good or bad news. The one who listens to me, hears me and understands me.

He is the one who answers the phone "Hey you". The one who knows when my voice is thick with worry or fear. The one who plays my favourite songs and sings with me in the car. The one who will huddle together under the umbrella with me and walk in the rain just cause he knows how I love to do that.

He is the one who recognises my handwriting. The one who says "Oh no we can't, you have class that day" when we are trying to make plans. He is the one who is there on my beck and call 24/7 and the one who says "Because I know you" when I ask "How did you know that?".

He is the one who knows my nervous habits. He is the one who knows how I will react. The one who gives me the intimacy of shared, comfortable silence.

He is the one who's warmth keeps me cosy on a cold day. He is the one who keeps the radio off when I fall asleep on a long car journey. The one who knows just how I like my tea.

He is the one who I share the intimacy of sharing one earbud with and tons of inside jokes. He is the one who I always want to try something new together with even when we have no idea what we are doing - the shared hesitancy.

He is the one who always tells me "Text me when you are home safe" no matter how short of a distance I travel to. He is the one who stays up to check if I reached home safe when I am getting too late, no matter the time difference.

He is the one who I feel comfortable falling asleep on or next to, no matter where we are. The one who I share my deepest and darkest secrets with cause I know he will keep them safe.

He is the one says "Shall we share it?" when we order food. The one who tells me "This made me think of you". The one who can sense my slightest shivers and gives me his jacket when I feel cold. He is the one who smiles at me first thing in the morning upon seeing my unfocused eyes and messy hair sprawled on the couch where we usually fall asleep together while cuddling and watching a movie.

He is the ending to all my days and the starting of all my dreams.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

That's all I want to say.

Charles's P.O.V

We spent the whole day in the living room, Y/N crouched up on the couch with her books and me sitting at the coffee table near the couch.

It was going really well, until all I could start thinking was lying in her arms again, cuddled up in her scent which was home to me and before I could control it a yawn I tried to swallow in escaped my lips and Y/N caught it immediately.

The next thing I knew was Y/N pulling me onto the couch and into her arms to sleep against my complaints.

The intimacy of being tired together is a feeling that cannot be explained. A head on a chest while falling asleep to the thump thump thump of your love's heart. There's nothing I want more than to drift off in the arms of the one I love.

I almost felt myself doze off the moment Y/N engulfed me in her warm embrace when the loud ring from my phone suddenly woke me up and startled Y/N.

Grumbling under my breath, I stretched my hand grabbing my phone from the coffee table and answering it. It was my trainer again. "I will be there next week" I said, probably for the hundredth time.

I've been postponing my training sessions for the upcoming GP cause I wanted to stay with Y/N every minute I could to help her as much as I can. I understand why my trainer is frustrated with me, but Y/N is my first priority to me.

"Charles what is going on?" she asked concern lacing her voice as soon as I ended the call. "Nothing to worry about mon armour" I said quickly, tossing my phone back on to the coffee table, "let's get back to work shall we?".

"Charles" she pressed, giving me a knowing look when she knew I was handling something on my own. Just as much as I knew her inside out, she did know every inch of me the same.

"It was my trainer" I mumbled quietly, not wanting to confess it all but at the same time I know Y/N can catch me when I am avoiding the truth so I tried to put it as lightly as possible. "I may have missed a few of my training sessions this week".

"I thought you were free during the first week of the two week break?" Y/N tilted her head in confusion, "I thought your training starts next week".

"Ummm" I chuckled nervously scratching my neck unable to answer her question in an instant which made her put the pieces together. "Oh my goodness!!" she gasped at my silence, eyes widening, "CHARLES MARC HERVE PERCEVEL LECLERC WHY DID YOU NOT TELL ME YOU HAD TO TRAIN THIS WEEK???".

"C'mon get ready let's go" she said tossing her book aside, and trying to stand up in a hurry with my arms still wrapped around her while I had no intention of leaving my spot.

"Mon armour no no calm down" I chuckled, holding her hands in mine and sitting up next to her, pulling her along to sit with me so she won't run to get ready before I explained myself.

"Y/N" I smiled, "I told my trainer I wanted this week off to spend with you and help you study for your finals. You are my most important priority. I will catch up on my training next week"

"Charles if your trainer is asking you to come train now when he knows you are on break it must be important for the next GP in..." she halted for a moment before looking at me in pure horror.

"THE MONACO GRAND PRIX" she gasped a hand over her mouth, "how could I forget... you always start training 2 weeks prior for that..."

"I am so silly how could that slip my mind" she banged her fists against her knees in frustration, tears brimming in the corner of her eyes.

"I am so sorry Charles" she looked me this time with tears swelling in her beautiful orbs, breaking my heart at the sight of a single tear falling from those beautiful crystals which shows me the world. "I am always up to date on the races, this is the first time it slipped my mind--"

"Y/N" I captured her face between my hands and placed a long kiss to her forehead, knowing that calms her down. "Don't you ever apologise ma cherie. You keep up with everything in my life, you have all these years, without missing a single thing... please don't be upset over missing this one thing... you have done more for me than I can possibly count".

Smiling a little, she pulled away from my grasp and stood up, and then held out her hand for me to grab it with that smile of hers which lured me to her with no control of my own body.

"Where are we going?" I asked, confused grabbing her small hand and standing up close to her. "We are going to the gym. And you are going to workout with your trainer like you are supposed to so you will be ready for your home race".

"Y/N--" I started to protest but she cut me off with the roll of my name from her lips. "Charles".

"I know you said you wanted to be with me while I study so I am coming with you" she smiled sweetly, "I will sit in a corner of the gym and study while you train".

"Y/N" I cooed at the thought of her heartfelt gesture, "but mon armour the gym is hot, humid and not to mention wreaks of sweat. You won't be comfortable studying there".

"Charles" my name rolled beautifully over those perfect lips again, my words unable to escape my own lips at the sound of that but her next words caught me at a complete loss for words.

"For you, I'd do anything Charles".

Dumbfounded, I gawked at her, our eyes caught in a craving stare before Y/N broke in to a small giggle, blush tinting her cheeks when she got too shy at me staring at her for too long.

Y/N dealt with me like this a lot. She knew I tend to daydream in front of her, but she never knew it was about her.

At times Y/N would catch me staring at her and smile and she always looks at me innocently and asks "What?" and I always reply "Nothing" but I wonder how she doesn't know yet that I am staring because her eyes are my favourite colour and her smile is my favourite smile and I am trying to keep my cool but I can't because I have been way too in love with her forever.

Y/N was the kind of girl who looks down when you stare at her for a little too long and turns away if you catch her looking. She's the girl whose hair gets a little knotted, and whose smile isn't always real. She's the girl who cries herself to sleep sometimes and cares a little too much about what you say.

She's the kind of girl who wishes for everyone what she wishes for herself. She's the kind of girl that prays you get the best. Her heart is full of love and she always cares for others before she cares for herself. She wants to see you smile even if inside she's crying. That's the kind of girl she is.

The same girl who laughs at all of your jokes - funny or not; the one who will love you with every inch of her. She's the girl who will watch the stars with you at night, and ask how your day was when you come home. She's the kind of girl who you'll find asleep with a book in her hand at 3 am or the kind who leaves your sweatshirts smelling sweeter than before.

The kind you want to love, the kind you want to be best friends with.

She is patient, she is kind, she doesn't realise her worth sometimes.

That's the kind of girl she is.

The kind I am in love with.

And a golden heart like that deserved to be chosen undoubtedly over and over again and treated nothing less than a queen.

And that is all I want to do for the rest of my life.

I want to show her what forever feels like.

Right now, it's been almost an hour of me working out in the gym with my trainer spotting me on the weights and getting a complaint or so every few minutes when I can't help myself but glance over to Y/N sitting across the room.

She was sitting cross legged on one of the benches with her back leant against the wall and her notes splattered along the bench and some piled up on her lap.

She was wearing her "I can't be bothered to get dolled up" outfit and I swear she took my breath away with how adorable she looked. She had a black pair of cargo pants and white t-shirt on with her white sneakers and my Monaco GP cap she grabbed from my suitcase on the way out of the house and just seeing her wearing my number made my heart miss a few pulses.

She had her cute reading glasses on, and her hair held up in a messy bun with a bandana around to to hold back a few strands of hair from falling onto her face.

Her face would scrunch up in confusion at times, and she would bite her lips in times of seriousness, all the while bobbing her head with her earphones on to the beat of the playlist I made for her to study.

In between sneaking glances at her, trying to avoid getting caught by my trainer, I would sometimes interlock my eyes with her looking at me too, and the she would show me her beautiful smile which made me loose my grip on my last pull up.

I can't help it.

Her smile manages to kiss my heart.

Timeskip

Monaco GP - Qualifying (Saturday)

When ever Y/N came to my races, it made it more special in a way I couldn't explain. Walking through the paddock to the garage with her hand in mine cause I know she gets nervous around crowds, seeing her sit in the garage with a Ferrari cap with my number on it, or having her whisper "Please be safe and come back to me" before I get into my car or seeing her run into my arms when I walk back to the paddock after the race, her beautiful smile spread across her face the moment she spots me.

It is not every race that Y/N gets to attend to due to her own busy schedule but she has put more effort than I can fathom in keeping up to date on everything about the races, listening to me whine and complain for hours about everything going on, and even trying to make it to every race whenever possible, regardless of how busy or exhausted she already was from her own life.

So whenever she did make it to a race, like this weekend, I wanted to make it more special than usual but so far things were taking a difficult turn here this weekend.

Qualifying was a disaster for the team this weekend. The car was no where up to being even close to the Red bull pace, along with a few reliability issues frustrating me beyond measure and being hit with a 3 place grid penalty was just another taste of bad luck this weekend held.

The moment the chequered flag was waved signifying the end of the Qualifying session, I stomped off to my driver's room right after getting out of my car. Pissed and saddened by the thoughts of not being able to make my country proud at my own home race. Shutting the door behind me, I banged my fists on to the bed in a mixture of frustrated emotions, unknowing of the door opening again and foot steps approaching me. "Charles?".

Taking a deep breath, I turned around to see Y/N standing next to me, her eyes flowing with worry and concern. My face softened at the sight of her and not wanting to scare her with my overwhelming emotions but Y/N knowing me too well, engulfed me in a tight hug before I could even get a word out and that was when I broke down in her arms sobbing out all my troubles.

"Everything is a mess". My sobs and my mouth pressed against her shoulder almost made my speech unclear, but she wouldn't mind anyway. Holding me close to her, she continued to run her small hands through my hair, calming me with every stroke while I cried out all of mishaps and frustrations to her.

We stood like that for a few minutes, just hugging. Her hands rubbing over my back soothed me completely, calming me down from my outburst. It was the best feeling to be in her arms, where I feel safe.

When I drew away from her, she gave me a small smile.

"I am such a mess Y/N" I whispered, while she wiped my tears ever so gently. "I am the one who is a lot to handle. I don't know how you put up with me" I almost started crying again as a feeling of absolute cold shot through me, making me shiver against her. Y/N stiffened.

Raising my head, I met with her watery, vibrant eyes falling on mine. "Charles, don't ever say that again mon armour".

"You are my mess" she carefully cupped my cheeks into her hand palms, as if I'd break any second and looked into my eyes with that intense look that squeezed the air out of my lungs, "and I can handle you all day".

"Ma cherie, I know you hit a rough patch today but that does not make you any less crazy talented than you are" she defended, making my heart swell, "and it definitely does not make it impossible for you to ace it tomorrow".

"No one deserves to be on that podium more than you mon armour so please don't give up. I'm right here with you no matter what happens" she whispered, and rested her head on top of mine.

"I know how much this means to you. So let's try. Try. And try till we get it. No matter when. No matter how. Let's do this. Together" Y/N smiled softly with such pure eyes that it took me aback a little.

At that moment I felt the safest I had ever felt. There was something about the way she held me, about the way she wrapped her arms around my neck and kept me close to her heart.

No one else has been able to make me feel so strong and vulnerable while just as safe and as equally humble. No one could reassure me that although I may fail a thousand times more, someone might still be crazy enough to want to be with me just the same?

It is no one else but Y/N.

"You are my angel, Y/N" I whispered softly and my fingers tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, making her even more beautiful than she already is. "With you, even when I lose, I'm winning".

A smile that reached both her eyes was plastered on her face, looking peaceful and at ease with me. My own smile couldn't be held down and became visible as I pulled her closer to my body and brushed my hand through her hair.

Our eyes kept staring at each other, drowning in the colours of our irises, heartbeats changing until they were beating on the same rhythm. My heart fluttered in adoration.

"Charles, we have a meeting to work on the car and strategy for tomorrow" the loud voice with the banging on the door, startled both me and Y/N out of our trance. "Be there in 5".

Sighing loudly I stood up from the table still holding Y/N in my embrace. "Ready to go back out there?" she softly spoke and rubbed my back while she continued to hold me close. I hummed and smiled, loving this moment.

"Are you coming with me?" I pulled back and asked her softly, trailing the back of my fingers over her cheek to caress while keeping my eyes on hers.

"Always" she pressed a kiss on my nose and then nuzzled it with her own, making me grin, "it is you and me against the world remember?".

"Always ma cherie" I promised, feeling my heart pound louder for her.

Monaco GP - Race day (Sunday)

Starting in P6 wasn't the best way to start the race on a track with limited overtaking space but I was determined to give it my all, to change my luck around, to lift this said Monaco curse.

Last night, I worked out the flaws in the car that was troubling me with the mechanics and the all outcomes of every strategy possible with the team. Every single member of our team spent the entire night back at the garage.

Including Y/N, who refused to go back home, regardless of my protests for her to go home and rest, knowing this will take us the entire night but she did not budge.

"Charles. I am staying here with you. End of story", she said already grabbing a chair and settling herself with her book in the garage, earning a few chuckles from the crew at me loosing an argument which I didn't think I was going to win anyways but I had to try.

Y/N had her finals coming up in 3 days from today and I knew she was stressed and was struggling to study here in the garage the last couple of days no matter how much she hid it from me but no matter how much I suggested for her to focus on her and not to worry about me, she refused.

Knowing I cannot convince her otherwise, I tried to make her as comfortable as I could here, and so did everyone else in the garage. They all loved having her around. "Charles's angel" was the term moving through the garage, probably started by Carlos, who spends every minute he is on a break with her, the two of them sharing embarrassing stories about me and as embarrassing as all the stories were, hearing her voice and laughter echo through the garage brightened up every dull moment.

"You got a keeper" Andreas laughed as I walked towards the car, after hugging Y/N in the garage before the race, her words of motivation imprinted in my head and my confidence burning bright.

We were ready for today.

I was ready.

The next thing I knew I was passing the chequered flag and the words "And Charles Leclerc wins the MonacoGrand Prix" was being chanted in my head like a prayer I've been dying to hear.

The garage erupted. The crowds erupted.

It was my first win of the season.

And it was my home grand prix.

This couldn't feel anymore special to me.

Getting out of the car, I ran over to the my crew engulfing many of them I could, thanking and praising them for everything they have done, my words getting drowned in them doing the same to me.

I couldn't have felt happier at this moment until I saw Y/N and my brother, Arthur, in the crowd waiting for me to reach them, which I immediately did, hugging them both as tightly as I could.

"I knew you could do it" I heard Y/N whisper in the midst of all the commotion, before a few tears started trickling down her cheek as I pulled back, which I wiped gently with my racing gloves not to hurt her with the rough material.

"I am so proud of you" Y/N says with a blissful sigh making me wrap my arms around her again and pulling her closer until there was no space left between our bodies.

"Charles you have to go. They are waiting" Y/N pulled back and giggled gesturing to the crew and media waiting for me to return to the post-race tactics, which snapped me out of my bubble and made me my cheeks burn under my helmet.

"Go stand on that podium mon armour" she grinned, her eyes sparkling brightly, showing me her happiness, "I will be right here cheering for you".

I was bouncing on my toes unable to keep the butterflies in about walking into the podium, as I watched George make his way to the podium and take third while Max took second. And then it was me.

I strolled out with the biggest smile on his face to see the proud and happy faces of all the fans, my team, my family and more than ever, my angel, Y/N.

As I lifted the trophy up into the air, the cheers erupted again, louder than ever. My own cheers and happiness couldn't be held down, as my eyes scoured the sea of red and landed on Y/N, clapping and cheering among them, which was the most adorable thing I've seen in my life.

The moment our eyes met, she gave me one of those smiles.

A smile that I fell for years ago.

And I still do. I still fall for her every single day.

That smile of hers has something to do with the rest of my life.

3 days later - Y/N's exam day

Right after the race I came back home with Y/N, regardless of her protests for me to stay for the post race celebrations. A series of passing words back and forth took place to make her understand that she is my first priority over anyone. I then came home back home with her to continue to help her prepare for her finals and the big day has now finally arrived.

Ever since she opened her eyes today morning, I haven’t left her side or let go of her hand. Cause I know every inch of how nervous Y/N is right now, and how she has been for the past few weeks.

If only I could make her believe in herself like I do in her. All the sleepless nights and hard work she has poured into her entire medical school life is beyond what I can ever imagine doing and I couldn't be more incredibly proud of her journey and the amazing doctor I know she will be.

After walking her to the exam hall, I parked the car outside the building and stayed around the area cause I didn't want to leave her and go back home. I wanted to be here in case she needed something and I wanted to be here the moment she walks out that door to tell her how proud I am of her.

Almost 3 hours in towards the end of the exam I walked down the street to a flower shop to pick my order of Y/N’s favourite flowers - orange lilies - I wanted to surprise her with.

Little will she know I have a bigger surprise planned for her tonight.

Bouncing on my heels while standing in front of the exam hall with the bouquet of flowers in my hand I couldn’t help but feel the excitement bubble in me waiting for Y/N to walk out that door finally having completed 5 years of insane hard work.

I waited patiently for Y/N to walk out that door and into my arms, readying myself either to jump with excitement with her over finishing her finals or either to comfort her if it was a difficult exam.

Nervous myself now, I started to pace up and down the entrance when a storm of students started coming out of the door. I moved to the side and looked for my favourite person and I spotted her the instant she walked out the door with her bag hung over her shoulders as usual.

"Mon armour" I smiled walking towards her and handed her the flowers to which she instantly wrapped her arms around me as we stood there for a few moments just swaying from side to side.

"You are finally done Y/N" I smiled into the crook of her neck, "I am so incredibly proud of you".

I felt her lips curl into a smile against my skin before she pulled away a little to look at me. "Thank you" she pecked my cheek and my heart nearly exploded, "for everything Charles".

Her words consumed my thoughts and engulfed my heart in a hug.

"You have nothing to thank me for Dr. Y/N". Her eyes, which had one of the most beautiful mixture of colours I had ever seen in my life, rolled playfully as we walked down the stairs to the car.

"The guys asked me to convey their congrats to you" I smiled before chuckling about what I was about to say next. "And a special message from Carlos, Pierre and Lando about being extra careless now that they have their very own doctor".

"Oh goodness" she giggled, shaking her head. "I guess I know who'd be my first patients".

"Sounds like a handful already" I laughed. "Well that is the least of what I have ahead" she smiled tiredly, and I immediately pulled her to my chest and kissed her forehead. "And you are going to be amazing no matter what you do".

"And I am going to be here with you with every step you take ma cherie. You are not alone ok?Every single step". When I said this to her, I made sure to look deep into her eyes to make sure she understood every word I spoke.

With bright red cheeks this time, she nodded. "Let's get you home and tucked in for a good nap now." I said, helping her inside the car and fastening her seatbelt.

"Cuddles?" she mumbled with her eyes half closed already and I felt my heart melt at the sight of her adorableness. "Always mon armour" I said before placing a quick peck on her cheeks and getting into the car myself.

Reaching home, I helped a very drowsy Y/N to the bathroom for a shower where I already had her favourite bath products lined up for her to relax with. Meanwhile, I changed into more homely clothes myself and waited on the bed for Y/N.

Walking out of the bathroom in her cute little pyjamas I couldn't help but feel a smile break free on my face at the sight.

When Y/N noticed me staring at her from the bed, her cheeks began to burn, leaving them to glow making her look even more gorgeous than she already looked to me.

Feeling the blush creep into my own cheeks I felt my smile grow wider as she climbed onto the bed and shuffled closer to me.

Wrapping my arms around her, I pulled her closer until there was no space left between our bodies as we laid down on the bed. Y/N melted into me, completely at ease.

With my face pressed against hers, I noticed her eyes being closed in tiredness. While holding her protectively against my chest, I switched off the light and pressed my lips against her forehead to rest them there for the rest of the time.

Time skip of few hours

I almost overslept through the time I allocated for planning the surprise for Y/N before she woke up from her nap.

Trying to stay calm after startling myself at the time I saw on the clock when I opened my eyes, I shuffled on the bed as lightly as possible to lay Y/N down back on the bed from where she was currently fast asleep which was on me.

Her peaceful sleeping state with her cute baby bear snores was making it a very difficult task for me to want to leave the bed right now. It was a sight I wanted to wake up to for the rest of my life.

Breaking my thoughts away from being trapped in this trance, I managed to move off the bed without waking up Y/N as I made my way as quietly as possible to the kitchen where my prep work was to begin.

It took about 2 hours to finish my preparations for tonight before I hopped into the shower to freshen up myself and get into some clean comfy clothes before Y/N woke up.

Walking into the living room while putting on my hoodie I did a last minute check on the dinner laid out on the coffee table, the roses sitting pretty in vase in the middle and the candles lit up in every space around the room illuminating the whole place up just as I hoped Y/N's face would glow when she sees everything.

I fluffed the pillows one more time and adjusted the blanket on the couch when I heard shuffling of feet enter the living room.

"Charles?" I heard her sweet voice echo as I turned around to be greeted by Y/N leaning against the doorpost rubbing her eyes sleepily. "Hello mon armour" I smiled walking towards her and gently grabbing her small hands in mine.

Kissing her knuckles, I smiled at the confused look on her face and her sleepy eyes wandering around the room to figure out what was happening. I couldn't help but smile as I watched her beautiful pair of eyes appear again to take in the room's changes. When she noticed the candles, they began to shine and sparkle.

"Charles, what is going on?" she giggled shyly, before burying her face in my chest to hide her tinted cheeks that I had already noticed. "This is the surprise ma cherie".

Y/N pulled her face from my chest and looked at me with sparkling eyes, which seemed wide awake out of a sudden. Her irises shined so bright, so bright they almost blinded me.

We both didn't say anything, but her eyes told me more than enough. And as soon as a smile spread all over her face, I knew enough. "Shall we sit?".

"I hope you like what I have planned for tonight" I said a bit nervously, guiding her to the couch and then seating myself close to her and wrapping the blanket around the both of us.

Y/N instantly leaned towards me and placed her head on my chest like she always did when we cuddled on the couch and I wrapped my arms around holding her close to me as I could as I always did.

"Charles this is all so beautiful". Y/N looked like an angel sitting there, with this faint smile on her face as she looked up at me with her beautiful pair of eyes. "I love it".

"I smell pasta" Y/N giggled adorably and grabbed a piece of my hair between two of her delicate fingers to play with it, "Is that--?".

"Carlos's recipe yes" I chuckled, "I finally made it. Well it was preceded by a 2 hour video call with Carlos teaching me to not burn it with many curse words in Spanish thrown my way in the process".

"Mon armour" Y/N let out a laugh before cupping my face in her hands and placing a kiss on my forehead, "thank you for going through that just to feed me".

I nuzzled our noses together in response making her giggle.

"So what are we watching?" Y/N asked as I handed over one of the plates to her before grabbing the TV remote and turning on the movie I had picked out tonight. The moment Y/N saw what it was she turned to me with a little squeal which made my heart swell in adoration. "The Little Mermaid film".

"I know were dying to watch this but you didn't have the time so I thought we could watch it together tonight". A full blown smile appeared on her face and I felt the same reflect in mine. "Ready?'.

Throughout half the movie we both ended up eating or more towards feeding each other the pasta with lots of smiles and giggles, which cheered me up, honestly. Y/N is always so happy when I am with her, and vice versa. The gesture just makes my heart warm and makes butterflies tickle the walls of my stomach.

Placing the empty plates on the table and cuddling back on the couch for the rest of the movie, Y/N stirred in my arms, and pressed herself tighter against me, nuzzling her face just underneath my chin. Smiling to the cuteness, I caressed her back.

Y/N had always been someone I couldn't stay away from; an hour is all it takes for me to miss her. And to have her into my arms right now, breathing slowly and maybe half asleep made me feel so happy and so goddamn lucky. Softly, my lips left a kiss on her forehead.

Enjoying being in our own bubble together, we continued to watch the movie in silence when Y/N's favourite scene came up next and I could already feel her lips curve into a smile on my chest. It was the scene with the song "Kiss the girl" which is a song Y/N had always found to be romantic for a fairytale moment she had always dreamt of having one day.

For some reason, the moment the song started playing, did I feel too shy to even look at her.

I was so in awe of Y/N, I just couldn't make myself to look at her.

My heart was so completely filled by her that I no longer believe I can call it mine.

And the lyrics of the song were suddenly starting to capture my thoughts.

Yes, you want her.

Look at her, you know you do.

Possible she wants you too

There is one way to ask her

It don't take a word

Not a single word

Go on and kiss the girl

Y/N must have felt my heart beat start to go crazy cause she gently lifted her head to look at me with a worried expression. "Charles, are you ok?" she smiled, finally triggering to look into her beautiful pair of eyes.

Once I looked at her and could feel the happiness blooming inside me, as if her eyes were the calm, beautiful morning after a night full of storm.

Y/N had never looked so beautiful to me. I felt light in my head, as if I was drunk. ''Yes'' I whispered, feeling my cheeks burning.

Feeling love fill me completely, I moved myself closer to her and stared into her eyes, taking in every little thing about her.

Our eyes locked and I couldn't help but to bite my lip to the sight of hers, not being able to resist them.

Y/N continued to look at me in complete silence, as if we were talking with our eyes while our mouths were shut tight. I moved a little closer again.

When Y/N looked down while blushing, I couldn't hold myself anymore, I moved myself as close to her as I could and lifted up her head by lifting her chin up with two fingers.

When she looked back into my eyes, I pressed my lips gently on hers to kiss her, and let my own eyelids flutter closed. And as soon as I felt her lips against my own, I knew that those will be the last ones I'd ever kiss.

Kissing her felt like I was dreaming. It all felt so surreal - too good to be true. A lovesick feeling washed over me, numbing my senses and fluttering hard in my stomach. Warmth spread over my body, consuming me.

After a few minutes, slowly and very softly did I part from her, letting our lips disconnect.

Our eyes kept staring at each other, drowning in the colours of our irises, heartbeats changing until they were beating on the same rhythm. It felt like I couldn't breathe.

We sat like that for about 30 seconds, just staring at each other like we saw water burning in front of us. My thoughts were blank, clouded and unclear, as if the feeling of love fogged up my senses.

"I love you Y/N" I blurted and felt my cheeks go red in embarrassment. It shot out of my mouth before I could stop it. I looked down, feeling extremely venerable and embarrassed.

It was stupid of me to think that she thought the same way about me, let alone feel like I did.

This screw-up destroyed our whole night of hanging out together and it probably destroyed even more. I destroyed our whole friendship, all because I couldn't control my feelings.

"I love you too Charles" Y/N suddenly whispered against my lips, causing my heart to do flips and jumps. With tears burning in my eyes I rotated, meeting her eyes again. "You do?".

"Yes I do. I always have" Y/N smiled softly with such pure eyes that it took me aback a little.

"Oh mon armour" I cooed in delight to the touch of her soft lips against mine, kissing me so carefully.

When our lips were locked, moving gently, I could feel my head spinning, my emotions encircling me like a tornado.

Her heartbeat was audible when I kissed her, causing my cheeks to glow even brighter.

"I love you so much, Y/N" I whispered, and leaned my head on top of hers, resting and letting our accelerated heartbeats slow down to a normal pace. "No matter what happens to us from now until the end I want you to know that I am certain of you and you can be certain of that".

"It has always been you. It will always be you and only you" I told her truthfully. My fingers tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, making her even more beautiful than she already is.

Her eyes sparkled brightly, showing me her happiness what made her look even more pure and angelic than she normally looked to me. "Ma cherie, you are my forever".

Smiling, I trailed the back of my fingers over her cheek to caress while keeping my eyes on hers. "I can feel your heartbeat so loud" Y/N murmured softly, her voice barely a whisper.

"Cause I am looking at you and my heart loves the view" I murmured, while caressing her head gently with the palm of my hand, "cause you mean everything to me".

Now blushing herself, Y/N placed her head back on my chest and pressed a kiss right on the place where my heart is located. "You are my end and my beginning Charles".

A wave of warmth consumed me.

Feeling my heart pound louder, I smiled and gently moved us so she could be comfortable as possible only to feel her falling back into my arms and asleep again. My fingers brushed a few strands of hair behind her ear before she placed her head back against my chest.

Having her in my arms. Y/N was my lullaby.

She made me who I am and holding her in my arms was more natural to me than my own heart beat.

Pictures of our future together slowly entered my mind causing my happiness to grow even more, as I felt myself drift off to sleep too.

I see it.

I see us getting married, moving in together, cuddling on the couch, waking up to good morning kisses, having arguments, making up after, cooking our favourite food, smiling for no reason, annoying each other when we're bored, having the cutest little babies, watching them grow up, never leaving each other's side.

I see us together.

Forever.

#formula one #charles leclerc #f1 #charles leclerc x female reader #charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc fanfic #charles leclerc x you #charles leclerc fluff #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc ferrari #f1 fanfic #f1 imagine #scuderia ferrari #ferrari f1 #formula 1 #formula one x reader #f1 x reader

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alwaysaglader · 1 year

Text

Let’s face love together

Warnings: Mentions of abuse by past relationship.

Y/N's P.O.V

Flashback

I remembered being felt pushed back roughly, hands forcing to keep me in place on a hard surface, a strong hold aggressively gripping my skin as I tried to squirm free. "It hurts. Please stop" I begged, as I felt the pain branch through every nerve on my body, with every attempt he made to rage all of his tension out on me in the form of physical abuse.

I ran my hands over my scars on my thighs, a sick feeling washing over me, as I felt a tight nail-digging grip on my legs, pulling me to his dark abysmal grip again . "Please stop" my own voice rang through my ears, as I cried, screaming in silence to be free of the physical torment he was putting me through at every waking breath, "please stop it hurts".

I curled up to a ball at the end of my bed, tears streaming down my face, my heart shattering into pieces I know I will never be able to put together again.

His voice. His tone. His cold words, ringing through my ears like a broken record on repeat.

"Are you going to leave me for her?" I asked, tears streaming down my face, unable to hold myself together in front of his eyes that were filled with no signs of love towards me.

"It just makes me really uncomfortable when I see you with her all the time" I said, my voice barely able to string the words together under his mean stare, "you have barely ever spent any time with me...I just feel like something is going on..."

"You will just have to get over with your silly insecurities" he spatted coldly, barely glancing at my direction, "I don't want to carry the burden of your worries ruining my day".

---

I walked through the WCKD halls reaching the empty room marked 113 to drop some books given by one of the scientists, only to open the door and be horrified by the sight which will haunt me for the rest of my life.

His hands were on her, their lips connected, as they stood kissing in their own world.

I gasped at the sight, which bought their devilish attention to me, his eyes widening at the sight. "Y/N...".

I dropped the books running back to my room as fast as I could, tripping over my own feet in a hurry to escape the horror I just witnessed.

I sat shrivelled in a ball at the edge of my bed, tears gushing down my cheeks, my stomach twisted and churned into a knot, when I heard footsteps walk into my room and he stood there in front of me with an emotionless look.

"So I am not the one for you anymore?" I asked after a period of tensed silence, feeling my heart break into a million pieces at my own words leaving my lips.

"No. She is" he replied rather quickly, "with her it is different. We fit together perfectly".

"After everything we have been through..." my voice trailed off, as I felt my heart shatter more.

"Y/N, to be honest, this relationship with you has been nothing" he replied coldly, "it was just so useless and boring with you. You are so clingy. I don't even like to kiss you".

"She is perfect" he stated, which is all I heard since he met her - how perfect she was. His eyes twinkled with joy, with the biggest smile plastered on his face as he said those words about her. "I love her".

"I never loved you and I will never love you" were his last words that echoed in my head as he stomped out of the room which was the last I saw of him.

---

I choked on my tears and gasped for air, partly waking up only to find myself alone in my bed, sweating with fear out of every pore on my body.

The memory of the pain pierced through my body as I relived the terror of being abused till I was physically bruised and throwing up.

His touch still burned my skin, as if haunted by a ghost, terrorising every breath I take. "Y/N?" another voice rang through my ears, pulling me further from my nightmares, just enough to wake me up fully from the horrors of my past memories

My past memories - Of being abused, cheated and left by my ex-boyfriend.

The only bloody memories I remember before being sent to the maze.

"Was it him again?" the voice asked knowingly, as I tiredly opened my eyes adjusting to the reality that I wasn't drowning in his toxicity anymore. I nodded sitting up only to see the only person I wished I could see in my dreams - Newt.

"Newt I'm sorry I woke you" I immediately said, knowing my struggles in my sleep would have woken him up in the next room. It happened almost every night, by every night he was still here by my bed side at the slightest whimper I made.

"It's ok love" he said, immediately moving to stroke my head, his big calloused hands calming me with every gentle stroke. "You are safe. I'm here with you".

Newt's P.O.V

Humming, I gently stroked her head, but she was barely responsive, blankly staring at me as my words reached her heart not making an impact. Cause she's heard these words so many times before, but without it carrying any weight of it's meaning.

Empty words repeatedly spoken to her heart which has made her numb to the truth of it.

Slowly, I got a bit closer, as I watched her big beautiful orbs follow my change of position, as I slowly sat close to her on the edge of the bed, not to scare her of any immediate physical contact due to the degree of pain that has been physically imprinted on her skin.

"Darling can I give you a hug? I promise I won't hurt you" I said softly, opening my arms, so she could slowly crawl into them in her own time, to which she did after looking at me for a few moments. "You are safe love" I said, cradling her gently in my arms, as my fingers gently encircled her scars to sooth the pain I know is intrigued every time she re-lives the moments of every stroke of abuse of how she got them.

Y/N cried for so long I thought her sounds of pain would kill me.

If only I could, I would absorb her pain and return it to her as love.

Only when the exhaustion overcame the tears did she finally go still, collapsing fully and completely into my arms. I've been holding her against my chest for an hour at least.

Every once in a while, it feels like a dream. Her face is pressed against my neck. She's clinging to me like she might never let go and it does something to me, something heady, to know that she could possibly want me - or need me - like this. It makes me want to protect her even if she doesn't need protecting. It makes me want to carry her away and lose track of time in our own little bubble.

Gently, I continue to stroke her hair and pressed my lips to her forehead.

She stirred, but only slightly. "Sun is coming up" Y/N yawned, an arm reaching out to turn off her alarm clock about to wreck havoc, "we have to get ready Newt. The Runners must be waiting".

"Love, I can talk to Alby and get you today off" I started to say, to which she gave me a small tired smile accompanied by the 'no need' shake of her head as she untangled herself from my arms and sat on the edge of the bed next to me. "Then let me run with you today" I pleaded.

I watched her eyes water as she curled up to a ball at the corner of the bed again, hugging a pillow close to her chest. She looked at her wrists and thighs, which had some scars on them.

"It's alright Newt" she spoke softly continuing to look down, "you already spend so much time with me... I don't want you to get fed up of me".

"Y/N... I could never. I want you all the time love" I said immediately, almost starting to cry as a feeling of absolute cold shot through me, making me shiver at her words. Her heartfelt plea made my heart ache.

"Love, why would you say that?" I asked, tears brimming my eyes now at the thought of Y/N having such a thought in her mind, when all I want to do is spend every waking moment with her.

Y/N had always been someone I couldn't stay away from; a few mere seconds is all it takes for me to miss her.

I could sit in the silence with her for the rest of our lives and it would mean more than a thousand words with anyone else.

"He said I was too clingy of a person" Y/N's small voice then sounded, almost inaudible, but I still sensed her words.

I am always homesick for Y/N and to have her here, thinking in any other way broke my heart even more.

"Y/N, I wish I could carry you around in the pockets of my hoodie so I can spend every breath I take with you" I let out a sniffle I couldn't hold back, feeling my tears burn brightly in my eyes.

When she raised her head to look at me, she opened her arms to invite me for a cuddle, causing the tears to run down my cheeks.

"You are not too clingy Y/N. Even if you were, hell I would love it even more. Trust me". My sobs and my mouth pressed against her shoulder almost made my speech unclear, but she wouldn't mind anyway, "I want you with me all the time".

"Cling to me. I promise I will never let go" I whispered and pressed a kiss on her nose and then nuzzled it with my own, making her grin. "Good that?".

Minho's P.O.V

"Y/N?" I repeated for the third time nugging her shoulder making her finally look at me dazed out of reality. That look immediately stopped me on my tracks, stopping her too, knowing all too well that Y/N was battling the demons in her mind on her own again. Mapping the maze can wait a while.

"I'm fine" she immediately shrugged me off, knowing I was going to ask but that did not stop me from pursuing to find out what she is really running from.

"Y/N, you are clearly not" I said, crossing my hands over my chest. I saw a shadow fall on her face as she took a few steps and leaned on to the wall to catch her breath in between a few sniffles she was trying to hold back. "More memories?" I asked knowingly, to which she nodded.

"I've lost hope Minho" she mumbled with a broken voice and looked at me with blood red eyes, it took all of me not to punch my way out of this hell hole to get to that guy and break his neck for everything he's done to Y/N. But for now, all I could do was wrap my arms around her and be there for her when she needed it the most.

"I've lost hope in the world. I've lost hope in love. Shuck, I'm too broken to even be loved" she mumbled and a tear trickled over her cheek, down to her jawline. I frowned, and wiped her tear away before I moved to wrap my arms around her small frame holding and protecting her as close as I could.

"That's not true" I said, feeling her bury herself deeper into my arms and hide her face, squeezing me a little. "Do you believe in it?" She then asked, pulling back a little.

"Y/N, there is only one reason as to why I believe in this shucking thing called love..." I started to say, choosing my words carefully as not to startle her, "...and that is because I've seen the way you and Newt love each other".

Her eyes immediately widened like the opening of the Maze doors. "Minho, don't be bloody ridiculous".

"N-N-N-Newt does not love me. I-I-I can't be loved. Look at me. I'm broken and messed up" she said, voice trembling a little from all the emotions. "That's perfect. So is Newt" I chuckled lightly. Lifting her chin I bought her gaze back to my eyes, "and to be honest Y/N so are all of us shanks, that's what makes us one big shucking family here".

Y/N continued to look at me in complete silence, as if we were talking with our eyes while our mouths were shut tight. I moved a little closer and pulled her to the floor for a seat next to me, leaning against the ivy covered walls to tell her a few lovesick Newt stories .

"Have you noticed that Newt never finished a cup of coffee or a cup of tea that you didn't make for him?" I asked, to which she shook her head lightly. "I asked about it once and his response was 'it just tastes better when she make it'. Always make me smile seeing an empty cup now".

"You know how Newt comes to cuddle with you sometimes, usually after you sleep" I continued, noticing a twinkle of happiness spark in her eyes again, a sight I haven't seen in so long. "He said he'd settle in bed and then you do what he calls the 'reach', where you start swatting around to find him and once a body part is located you attempt to crawl into his skin, all the while asleep. Most nights, he just lays there and smiles holding you in his arms".

"You know sometimes when you guys run the maze together you get separated and when you find each other again, he always says you smile when you see him" I said excited myself now, to tell her everything I've been dying to, for so long, "sometimes that shank wonders off just so you can bump into each other and he gets to see that smile".

"When you guys are holding hands, he says you have a squeezing contest almost every time and it makes him never want to let go. One time Thomas had to pull him off" I laughed. "The first time you hugged him when you woke up from a nightmare, he damn nearly cried knowing that you feel safe with him".

"Sometimes when you guys sit down at the kitchen or at the bonfire, he says you scoot close to him as possible, giving the biggest, cutest and sweetest smile he has ever seen in a person, and then you will lay your head on his shoulder for a minute" I said, mimicking the action making her let out a small giggle. "He will then hold your hand or put his arm around you. Its a small act but the fact that you want to be close to him means the world to him and it's one of his favourite things he thinks about very often".

Y/N smiled this time with slightly reddened cheeks and her eyes began to sparkle. Maybe I had finally broken through the wall that held this space.

"Y/N, the person who does something that inconveniences them, but does it anyway because it is important to you. The person that is always there for you at the end of the day. The person that can't wait to talk to you and listens to every word you say. The person who no matter the mistakes and choices you've made, still wants to be with you..." I explained, placing my hand over hers, making sure every word I spoke reached every inch of her heart and mind.

"The person who wipes away your tears and kisses your tear stained cheeks. The person who would throw everything away, who is there at your beck and call, the person who knows you and knows that you want without asking - that is the person. That's the person that loves you more than life itself. And that person for you is Newt" I panted, completely out of breath.

For months I've been watching Y/N cope with anxiety and depression, which she started suffering from since the nightmares about some traumatic things that happened in her life, before the maze.

When Newt caught her having crying fits and began to keep everything to herself, including her words and mood swings, he noticed something was seriously wrong with her. One night, he pulled her in for a cuddle and stroked her hair, telling her things were going to be alright.

Newt never forced her into talking, he would just hold her close to hush her from her outburst, saying that whenever she wanted to talk to him he would be there to listen.

Then and only then did she confess about the nightmares haunting her at every moment of the day and showed her scars imprinted on her skin of her thighs and wrists from the intensity of the abuse that was tormented on her in her past.

On one occasion, Y/N herself hurt her lips till they were bruised and bleeding, cause of the horrid past things she's been told about her kisses, which to Newt were beyond heavenly. He would die in her kiss and she deserved no one less than that.

For the rest of the time, we were silent, processing our entire conversation when a sudden though popped in my head making me turn to Y/N with a huge smile plastered on my face.

"You didn't deny that you love Newt" I grinned, finally coming to the closest I've been to a confession out of her. "Oh-I-I" she faltered, getting flustered with a deep blush filling her cheeks.

"Y/N the truth. It's me. We share all sorts of crap" I said and booped the tip of her nose, what made the smile she was trying to hide break free. "Promise me not to hide yourself when you are in pain, it's not fair that we laugh together but you cry alone".

Y/N nodded before a fully blown, toothy grin appeared on her face, letting her eyes shine. "I do love him Minho. I love Newt so much".

"But I'm scared to try again. People tend to get tired of me and leave" she said, "they don't know that I am tired too but I choose to stay".

"Y/N, sometimes an ending can be a blessing in disguise, because it forces you to walk away from someone you never would have let go of, and to seek the love, care and effort that you've always been worthy of and she-bean you deserve nothing but the best" I told her truthfully.

"Girl you are the whole package. Just was at the wrong address" I let out a small chuckle. "Don't be afraid to start over again Y/N. This time you are not starting from scratch, you are starting from experience".

"And hey if that shuck face ex ever shows his face here, I'll make sure he is the Griever's first meal of the day. In Thomas's words I'll feed him myself" I laughed out loud, what made Y/N giggle too. "Though there is a chance there that Thomas will get eaten first".

"I'm serious though" I smiled at her direction, "he is Griever muck when I find him. No body hurts my she-bean and walks away, you may not be my blood but you are my sister Y/N".

"Right back at you Min" she shoved me playfully, making happiness bloom inside me at the sight of her smiling, a twinkle in her eyes I haven't seen in a very long time.

"I'm just afraid of history repeating itself Minho" Y/N spoke up after a few minutes of comfortable silence. "There's a million girls out there somewhere---" she continued but that sentence was completed by someone else.

"But I only want you Y/N" the voice sounded, making me and Y/N both shuffle to our feet next to the figure standing close enough to hear us, that we did not hear nor see coming, and it was none other than our person of interest - Newt, all sweaty and flushed from running the Maze.

"N-n-newt how much did you hear?" Y/N gasped, baffled and shocked, and so was I. "Heard enough love" he smiled warmly, stepping closer to her, making them both blush more with every inch of a step he took towards her.

"Minho could you give us a moment?". And that was my cue to leave the two lovebirds alone.

Newt's P.O.V

"I only want you" I repeated. "I love you Y/N".

"I love the way your hair curls at the ends and the way your nose wrinkles when you laugh. I love the way you sneeze and the way you dribble the toothpaste down your chin when you brush your teeth" I said, making her chuckle, "I love your eye colour, your scars, your freckles, your laugh line and your birth marks".

"I know your favourite book, food, colour and pair of shoes". Moving closer to her, I first made eye contact with her and then smiled at her, what caused a grin to appear on her face, too.

"I know why you're awake at 5am most nights, where you were when you realised you lost a good friend and why you picked up the knife and how you managed to put it down before things went too far" I whispered at her and cupped her face into my hands to pull her closer to me gently.

"I know about your love of cookies, your need to quote any book you know all the way through, your strengths, weaknesses, laziness, energy and mixed emotions".

"I know your favourite thing to order from Frypan, how many sugars to put in your tea, how many scoops of ice cream you want and that you need your sandwiches cut into triangles". Her eyes, which had one of the most beautiful mixture of colours I had ever seen in my life, rolled playfully.

"I know your mannerisms like how you fiddle with anything that you can get hold of when you are anxious, and I know your stroppy pout, facial expressions and your laugh because it is my favourite song" I smiled, feeling happiness exploding in my stomach with every word I said.

"I know how you feel without you telling me love, that you need a wee from a look on your face and that you're crying without shedding tears". Y/N continued to look at me in complete silence, as I moved a little closer again, intertwining our fingers together, which fit so perfectly.

"I know that you have already picked out your wedding flowers, baby names and the colour of your bedroom wall for when you get out of here, which is what I became a Runner, so I can get you out and give you all the happiness in the world and more".

Softly, my lips left a kiss on her forehead. "I know everything that is to know about you, top to bottom, inside out and I love every single thing about you".

When Y/N looked down while blushing, I couldn't hold myself anymore. I moved myself as close to her as I could and lifted up her head by lifting her chin up with two fingers. "And I want to spend the rest of my life learning more and more about you till every bit of you is imprinted on me".

"I love you so much Y/N and I want to make you the happiest you can be... even if it is not me you want to share it with, keeping you happy will always be my goal in life" I told her, looking down at our hands intertwined, tears starting to swell at the corner of my eyes.

"Newt, there is no one else I'd want to share my future with other than you" her angelic voice sounded as she smiled, finally triggering to look up into her beautiful pair of eyes. Y/N had never looked so beautiful to me. I felt light in my head, as if I was drunk on Moonshine.

"But I haven't been the same person that came in the Box, and I am so sorry you have to put up with that, Newt. I don't want to burden you with all my troubles, I can take care of myself" Y/N's bottom lip trembled as she tried to keep herself from crying.

I nodded and opened my arms for her so she could crawl into them. "I know you can. You have. You still do. You always will. I've just joined in too. Now we take care of each other".

"And don't apologise darling. Never apologise to me. I want to be that shoulder you need to cry on." I tapped it, "go on use me all you want. Soak it in tears. Wipe your nose if you want to”.

Without saying something, but just with some tears, did she crawl towards me and nuzzle herself deep into my chest, in for a comforting cuddle. ''Do you think I do not love you anymore?'' I then asked. "I'm not the same" she whispered, and hung her head low.

''Y/N, you may have changed because of the trauma you endured, but darling do you honestly think people stay the same? We all change. You change, I change. And right now you're just going through a really hard time" I couldn't help but to release some tears too.

It hurts me so much to see her like this, mentally tangled with herself. "But that's alright, love, it's okay. Light is easy to love darling. I want you to show me your darkness".

''And if you think I'm going to leave you, you're wrong. You may not be as happy as you were years ago, but you're still the beautiful, goofy girl I fell in love many years ago" I said, trying my best to make her understand that I don't mean any harm and that I have no intentions to make her even more traumatised in life.

She has been broken enough, I do not have the heart to shatter those broken pieces, too.

"Just because you're down every now and then doesn't mean I do not love you anymore, darling. If I had the chance to do everything over, I would have fallen in love with you again" I kissed her bandaged wrists like a mother that kisses her children's wounds away. I wanted her to feel better, both emotionally and physically. She has been struggling so much.

"You didn't have to do anything to make me fall for you Y/N. I didn't fall for you because of what you could or couldn't do for me. I fell for you simply because you were unapologetically yourself" I murmured gently, while she stirred in my arms, and pressed herself tighter against me, nuzzling her face just underneath my chin.

Smiling to the cuteness, I caressed her back. "I fell for your beautiful soul and big heart. I love you for everything that you are and everything that you're not. You are so perfectly flawed, but also perfectly you, and that is why I love you".

"You are a wonder Y/N. You are made of magic that only I can see, and I believe in that every single day, not just on certain days". That reassurance made her calm down. Y/N looked up at me, her eyes showing a twinkle of happiness.

"You.Are.Safe" I stated, enunciating every word with aching slowness, as I trailed the pad of my fingers along her chin, "I'm not going to ask you to get over your past. I am going to help you get through your past but I want you to know that what happened to you in your past, it won't follow you to the future. I won't let anything bad happen to you anymore".

"And if you just tell me where else I need to keep you safe I'll do that too" I murmured, while caressing her head gently with the palm of my hand. The caressing continued slowly.

"You're too handsome to cry, silly" Y/N smiled, while she wiped my tears that had started falling. The compliment made my cheeks burn, and I shyly looked down before looking back into her eyes which showed me the world. "I love you too Newt. You and only you".

"But I'm scared" a soft mumble rolled over those lips I craved to kiss.

"I know darling, I'm scared too but let's face love together cause I only want to feel it with you". When I said this to her, I made sure to look deep into her eyes to make sure she understood every word I spoke.

For once there was no wall between us, keeping me from getting close to her. It finally broke down just for me, and I could finally get close to her. I'm now sure no-one will hurt her anymore, because I'll protect her broken soul, and will do everything to heal her the best I can.

"Only with you" she whispered, as I leaned my head on top of hers, resting and letting our accelerated heartbeats slow down to a normal pace. "For the rest of my life".

Wrapping my arms around her tighter, I pulled her closer until there was no space left between our bodies. "For your eyes only, I'll show you my heart" she let out a happy sigh against my chest, completely at ease. My heart missed a few pulses from her words.

After a few minutes we pulled back and just stared at each other while resting intertwined, letting our heartbeats match. "Can I kiss you darling?" I asked, feeling my heart pound louder for her.

"Yes you can but I didn't think you'd want to. My lips are so bruised" Y/N whispered. To cheer her up a little, I pressed a kiss on her nose and then nuzzled it with my own.

"Bloodied or bruised, I'd kiss every inch of you" I grinned to which she smiled softly with such pure eyes that it took me aback a little. "Because there is not one part of you that does not deserve love".

"Then why don't you?" Y/N murmured with brightly coloured cheeks, shifting her beautiful pair of eyes from mine to my lips and back, growing closer and closer. "The problem is" I said as I leaned in slowly, my lips slightly parting already, "if I kissed you, I don't think I'd be able to stop".

My heart started beating louder and harder, thumping in my chest, when she leaned in more, her lips dangerously close to mine and whispered "then don't".

I didn't need to hear her say that twice as I immediately cupped her face in my hands and leaned to the side and pressed our lips together right on the spot for the kiss I've been yearning for all along. And as soon as I felt her lips on mine, I knew that those will be the last ones I'd ever kiss.

After a few minutes of kissing silently and lovingly, we pulled back and rested our foreheads together, standing intertwined, letting our heartbeats match. We were entirely in our own little world as we stood there in what seemed like ever lasting hug.

"There's a vision I've been holding in my mind" I said just above a whisper, while she drew imaginary patterns on me, caressing my skin as we stood there - rocking from side to side.

"We're 65 and you ask 'when did I first know?' and I say 'I always knew' ".

Y/N pulled her face from my chest and looked at me with sparkling eyes, which seemed wide awake out of a sudden. Her irises shined so bright, so bright they almost blinded me. We both didn't say anything, but her eyes told me more than enough. And as soon as a smile spread all over her face, I knew enough.

Love is difficult because so many have it backwards. They look at look as to what love can give them. As long as their list of needs are met, they will love in return. But that's not the way love works. Love always looks for what it can give more than what it can get.

Every relationship will get 'boring' after you've been together for years. Love isn't just a feeling, it's a commitment to love every day, physically and emotionally. It's difficult, it's not always laughs, smiles and fun. People tend to quit when it stops being fun, and they go look for someone else, because 'the spark is gone'.

No, that's not how it works. You want somebody to never give up on you, and love you unconditionally then do the same. Be the change. Love someone when you don't want to, when they aren't the easiest to deal with. When they're hard to love. That's the realest version of love there is.

For me, I'd choose Y/N undoubtedly over and over again, every single day.

I am not afraid of her scars. I know sometimes it's still hard for her to let me see her in all her cracked perfection, but I want her to know that whether it's the days she burns more brilliant than the sun or the nights she collapse into my lap her body broken into a thousand questions, that she will always be the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

I will love her when she is a still day. I will love her when she is a hurricane.

Y/N's P.O.V

As I held him in my arms, listening to his rhythmic breathing, I couldn't help but to love him more than I have ever done. Because he's trying so hard to give me the best he can offer me. And owning his heart of gold that beats just for me, made me realise that here in his arms is where I shall grow old.

I finally found the person who makes me the happiest, never leaves me alone, comforts me on my darkest days, heals my inner child and helps me become a stronger version of myself.

It made me realise that I was never asking for too much. I was simply asking the wrong person.

Life changes. You lose love. You lose friends. You lose pieces of yourself that you never imagined would be gone. And then, without you even realising it, these pieces come back. New love enters. Better friends come along. And a stronger, wiser you is staring back in the mirror.

We may love the wrong person, cry for the wrong person, but one thing is for sure, mistakes will help us find the right person some day.

The road to true love is the same road that will first show you what true love is not.

So keep your heart warm, no matter how cold they have been to you.

Cause somebody is gonna catch your vibe one day and love you unconditionally.

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alwaysaglader · 1 year

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You caramel drizzled my heart (Tyler Galpin X Reader)

Y/N's P.O.V

Pushing open the glass door of the all too familiar Weathervane cafe, I walked in past the "Closed" sign, looking around confused as to why Tyler wanted to meet me here, after hours.

Noticing my favourite person in the cafe was nowhere to be seen, I continued to walk up to my usual booth in the corner, only to be greeted with a beautiful bunch of sunflowers in a glass vase set on the middle of the table alongside a note that read "Will be right with you darling".

Smiling to myself, I sat down on the red cushion, admiringly running my fingers along the bright yellow petals of the flowers, that Tyler knows makes me smile the brightest.

Being dazed by the sunflowers for a moment too long, I did not notice the book placed next to the vase at an initial glance with yet another note in the first page. "Start reading darling. I know you don't like to be idle. I'll be right there".

Feeling myself smile even more, I leaned back into the cushion before starting to read, though my mind was running around in circles as to what my boyfriend was up to, knowing he has many tactics up his sleeve to make me smile and blush bright red, "like a beautiful rose", he would say.

After a few minutes of trying to focus on reading the words imprinted on the crispy white pages, I heard a familiar voice and with a glance I noticed my favourite mop of caramel coloured hair standing in front of me with this charming toothy grin.

"Happy Valentine's Day darling!!" he said cheerily, placing a big cup of hot chocolate in front of me with a caramel drizzled heart in the middle of the light brown coloured drink, which made me feel all fuzzy and warm at the sight.

"Tyler!!" I gasped, already feeling the blush creep up to my cheeks, before squeezing myself out of the booth and to his arms, which immediately wrapped around me tightly, pulling me closer to his chest where I could hear the gentle beat of his heart. "Happy Valentine's Day Tyler".

In complete silence, we stood there for a few moments - rocking from side to side for a little bit, just hugging before I pulled back a little nuzzling our noses together and peeking a glance at the table.

"I love the heart you caramel drizzled on my hot chocolate" I whispered and pressed a loving kiss on his forehead, lifting a few of his caramel coloured curls away from his eyes, "you aced a perfect heart Tyler".

Slowly, he leaned in with a chuckle and cupped one side of my jaw, trailing his fingertips over over my skin. "A perfect heart is what you have darling".

"Someone is being extra sweet" I chuckled shyly at his words, catching his big orbs looking lovingly at me. His fluffy strands of hair was sticking up in the most adorable way.

"That is more of a messy drizzle of a heart" he said sounding a bit disappointed, "I've been practicing for weeks to make it perfect but this is as close as I could get...".

"I could have drizzled the caramel better" he pouted nuzzling into my neck. To cheer him up a little, I pressed a kiss on his nose and then nuzzled it with my own again, making him grin.

"Tyler Galpin, you caramel drizzled every inch of my heart since the day I met you" I smiled softly up at him, his eyes fluttering shut when I placed a lingering kiss on his lips.

When he drew away from me, he gave me a small smile with a little twinkle in his eyes, "Now who's being too sweet". Grinning, I couldn't help but give him a playful shove, "I can't help it".

"You caramelised my heart Tyler" I told him, and felt him radiate heat again, cheeks glowing brightly as his piercing green eyes began to sparkle.

A lovesick feeling washed over me, numbing my senses and fluttering hard in my stomach as he leaned in towards me and pressed his soft lips against mine, kissing me so carefully.

Now grinning myself, I placed my head back on the place where his heart is to listen to the familiar beating, as I felt him bury himself deeper into my arms, where I'm now sure no-one will hurt him anymore, because I'll protect his broken soul, and will do everything to heal him the best I can.

Tyler's P.O.V

I found myself unable to stop smiling as I watched Y/N look back up at me with her sweet eyes while I pulled out my laptop from my bag, as we sat back down on the booth, turning on a movie which made her squeal excitedly & bump her forehead against mine. Her eyes sparkled brightly, showing me her happiness. "Hot chocolate, sunflowers and high school musical 3! Tyler this is the most perfect date ever!".

"I thought I put you through enough by having you watch High school musical 1 and 2 with me" she smiled shyly, which made me puller her closer than possible, peppering her face with a million kisses, which made her giggle more, making my heart flutter with every sweet sound she made.

"Darling, I enjoyed every second I got to cuddle you through both the movies while you sang out every song... and this time we get to sing together" I smiled, watching her eyes light up like the beautiful crystals they are as I felt myself get lost in her eyes, so mesmerised, falling deeper and deeper to an infinite pool of love. "We?".

"I learnt the lyrics for every song in High school musical 3 so we can sing together" I confessed shyly as I watched her smile grow with every passing moment what got my heart missing a pulse or two. Y/N did something to me I couldn't define, but it felt like some kind of force, something that I couldn't fight against.

She smiled brightly with rosy cheeks, her expression softening as her eyes looked at me up and down. Her face up close was even more beautiful than when I looked at her from a small distance. Y/N dealt with me like this a lot. She knew I tend to daydream in front of her, but she never knew it was about her.

Only when she carefully cupped my cheeks into her palms, as if I'd break any second, did she pull me out of my daydream about her. "Tyler shall we start?".

"Yes yes" I pulled back with slightly reddened cheeks to which she quickly pressed a kiss on my lips, what made me smile, my heart fluttering at her adorableness. "Let's start".

Being cuddly, I slowly pressed myself against her and wrapped my arms around her body to hold her, listening to the change of her breathing pattern. She'd stir for a second and then relaxed while being held in my embrace as close as possible as I let out a happy sigh in return.

There was nothing more I loved than to hold Y/N.

It was the best feeling to be in her arms, where I feel safe.

Halfway into the movie, the song I've been waiting for started playing, as Y/N gave me a puzzled look when I stood up extending my hand to take hers. "Darling, can I have this dance?"

With bright red cheeks this time, she nodded, as I took hold of her small hands, giving each a little kiss and placing them around my neck. Then I placed my hands on to her waist and pulled her closer as we started to sway back and forth gently to the beat of the music. We shared a small kiss, and smiled, feeling happy.

After a few moments, I swiftly twirled her around to which a small giggle escaped her lips as I caught her in a hug, and felt her growing boneless in my arms, relaxing to the warmth of my body and the steady beating of my heart.

"You are my person Y/N" I blurted, and felt my cheeks go red in embarrassment when my emotions suddenly poured out of me, as if I finally opened myself up to her, this time all the way.

When I drew away from her, she gave me a small smile, shyly looking down. "I am?".

My hand closed in on hers, fingers sliding between the gasps of her digits. With our hands intertwined, she finally dared to look up at me with her beautiful pair of eyes that still showed me the world. "Yes, you are".

"You are my 'I messed up, what do I do now' person" I said, pressing kisses on her hair. "You are my 'wanna grab a coffee together?'person" I placed a big, sloppy kiss on both her rosy cheeks, making her giggle sweetly. My heart fluttered in adoration.

"You are my 'for you, a thousand times over' person" I cradled her baby-soft cheeks between my palms & pressed a long kiss to her forehead to which Y/N smiled softly with such pure eyes that it took me aback a little.

"You are my 'let's go watch the sunset' person" I continued slowly but with lots of smiles and giggles, which cheered me up, honestly. Y/N is always so happy when I kiss her, and vice versa. The gesture just makes my heart warm and makes butterflies tickle the walls of my stomach. "You are my 'I am hungry, Let's go get something' person".

"You are my 'I have something to tell you' person", my fingers tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, making her even more beautiful than she already is, as I trailed the back of my fingers over her cheek to caress while keeping my eyes on hers, "you are my 'what would I do without you?' person".

"You are my 'I can only talk to you about this' person" I whispered, resting my head on top of hers as we stood, enjoying our own little bubble.

"You are my person Y/N" I held her hands and placed them on my chest where she could feel every beat of my heart. Every beat which is present because of her.

"I know I am not close to even deserving you Y/N" I said, my eyes filling with tears "but god, I want to. I want to spend the rest of my life trying to deserve you".

Neither one of us said anything to each other for a while, we just looked deeply into the other's eyes. Y/N had that look which made my heart beat in my throat. It was the kind of look that said more than words, more than gestures. It was something that just spoke to me.

"There will never be another" I vowed. When I said this to her, I made sure to look deep into her eyes to make sure she understood every word I spoke, "I promise that I will love you for the rest of my life".

Y/N and I continued to look at each other for a little bit longer before I let my own eyes flutter shut and then leaned my head a little to the right to properly kiss her.

"I love you Tyler" Y/N suddenly whispered against my lips, causing my heart to do flips and jumps. It took so long before she first said those three words to me. And she doesn't say them without a reason.

"You are my person too Tyler" Y/N whispered back at me, and looked at me with her eyes clouded with love, which took me aback a little because I had never seen these emotions so intense.

Grinning, I brushed my hand over her hair, as my arms held her close to my chest, as if I wanted to protect her from the outside world and everyone else. "I love you too Y/N".

"You will always be my forever" Y/N murmured and shyly looked down with slightly reddened cheeks before looking back into my eyes. Once I looked at her I could feel the happiness blooming inside me, as if her eyes were the calm, beautiful morning after a night full of storm.

"If not you, then no one else" I smiled wetly as I grabbed her face in my hands and pulled her closer to my own, just to press my lips on top of hers in need for her love. Y/N froze in shock for just a second before she caught up with me and kissed back.

When our lips were locked, moving gently, I could feel my head spinning, my emotions encircling me like a tornado.

Her heartbeat was audible when I kissed her, causing my cheeks to glow even brighter. We were always so excited to be alone and to show each other love.

After a few minutes we pulled back and just stared at each other while resting intertwined, letting our heartbeats match.

Our eyes kept staring at each other, drowning in the colours of our irises, heartbeats changing until they were beating on the same rhythm. It felt like I couldn't breathe.

We stood like that for about 30 seconds, just staring at each other like we saw water burning in front of us. My thoughts were blank, clouded and unclear, as if the feeling of love fogged up my senses.

"My heart is perfect because you are in it" I heard Y/N whisper in that angelical kind of voice that got me swooning over her as she pressed a kiss right on the place where my heart is located. A wave of warmth consumed me. It was something only she could make me feel like; it was something indescribable but so incredibly good. I could only define it as love. Pure love.

At that moment I felt the safest I had ever felt. There was something about the way she kissed me, about the way she wrapped her arms around my neck and kept me close. There was something about her that silenced the demons in my head and made me feel normal, like a normal person.

My armour, that I wear to get through every day, fell off.

Every time I see her smile my heart forgets it was broken.

Each of us is a story waiting for a devoted reader who will take us off the shelf and embrace all our plot twists and I don't know anything about the future of my story but I find myself sitting with her on the beautiful side of hope.

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alwaysaglader · 3 years

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i dont know if you're still taking reqs or if ur still writing but u are mad talented! i need more newt imagines, love. they're so good and i keep wanting more from you!! i hope you're still writing xx

Hi. Thank you so much for your compliments❤️. It means the world to me to hear back about my writing🙈. I do still write but I am finding it difficult to find the time to write like I used to cause I have to balance it with my workload so it will be a while before I post another story🥺 but i will🥰

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alwaysaglader · 3 years

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Could you do a newt imagine where him and the reader were dating secretly in the glade and they would always snuck out at night but then one day minho or someone else catches them and started to flirt with the reader to make newt jealous and confess to everyone? extra fluff please <3 I love your work!

Hi. I am so sorry but I stopped taking requests due to my heavy workload🥺

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alwaysaglader · 4 years

Text

Be Your Own Hero

Warning : Self destruction, self harm and suicidal mentions.

Newt's P.O.V

My eyes shot wide open as I woke up drenched in sweat with tears on the brim of my eyes and my heart pounding rapidly in chest. I felt like a burning house being buried beneath floodwaters rushing all around me.

It was another haunting nightmare.

I choked back a sniffle, wiping the tears streaming down my face with my shivering fingers. It's been hell. It's always been hell. For years, I've been coping with depression, which I started suffering from since some traumatic things that happened in my life but these last few months have been a worsening disaster each and every day.

I am barely breathing with a broken heart that is still beating.

Ever since the Dark days, I feel like it's gone to a point of no return. I've been waking up everyday, feeling lost and confused, and scared. This feeling occurred often inside me, exhausting me emotionally and physically. I've been tired forever.

That feeling you get in your stomach, when your heart is broken, it's like all the butterflies just died and all I wanted to do right now was cry and scream it all out because it was killing me inside.

The Dark days left a broken piece in each of us, something to haunt us for the rest of our lives. The word nightmare is too less a simplicity to define it all.

I let out a few sobs and stuffed my shivering cold fingers to my hoodie pocket only to feel something inside. Confusedly, I moved my fingers only to grab hold of a flower - I picked for Y/N. I twirled my fingers around the stem, the soft petals brushing against my skin as my mind immediately drifted off to her.

Y/N - the angel of our Glade.

There wasn't anyone else in the world who would always be there when someone was in need, whether it was for a helping hand or a shoulder to cry on or even simply for a hug to feel better.

When she caught someone having crying fits and beginning to keep everything to themselves, including words and mood swings, she would sit for hours on end, just simply listening to us and making us feel safe and not alone in this cruel world, regardless of how much she has to deal with on her own.

Most of us are gifted with the ability to see the monsters hidden within another, but are unable to see past them. It takes a special kind of person to see the light inside of every living being.

Specially with me, even though I am not the same person I was to her as in the beginning, and I sometimes feel like I'm still not the same but Y/N didn't once ever leave my side, even though I tasted of heartache and war.

Y/N is an unbelievably strong girl. She walks around every day on the verge of tears, and no one even has the slightest clue that she's not okay.

She puts on a brave face everyday to give us hope and strength but I know that she is carrying the burden of the world on her shoulders alone but will do anything to see someone else smile.

She's got the eyes of innocence; the face of an angel. The personality of a dreamer and a smile that hides more pain that you can ever imagine.

She's the type of girl that is going to say "I got this" even with tears in her eyes.

I left my room and stumbled through the dimly lit halls, making my way out of the Homestead to grab a glass of water to quench my thirst.

I opened the door of the kitchen and fumbled for the light switch. Only as I flicked it on, did I see the bloody mess, cupboards opened wide, food scattered all about, which isn't like Fry at all, so I assumed that Minho and Thomas were definitely here sneaking out food. Those shanks with their never ending hunger.

Letting out a deep sigh, I started to clean up the kitchen to a certain extent before leaving, a commotion was not needed tomorrow morning. Specially with those two shanks who run away when they see Alby fuming towards them.

After I was done, I decided to take a check on the boys soundly asleep on their hammocks, before heading anywhere else but my room. I couldn't stand to be in there tonight.

As I was making my way across the Glade, I stared up at the sky above, admiring the canopy of stars that lit the clear night sky. Star gazing has always been a favourite, as the simple beauty of the stars is enough to calm me at times and take my mind away from my problems.

Sleep could not be caught tonight, so I walked over to the Watch tower and climbed to the top, only to see a bundle of blankets and pillows, and Y/N cocooned in the middle of it.

She looked so pure and angelic that it took me aback a little.

Now grinning myself, I moved myself closer and knelt next to her, only to see her chubby cheeks puffed and red as if she's been... crying all night. The sight broke my heart, as I leaned into her and cupped one side of her jaw, trailing my fingertips over her soft, silky skin.

A hum left her lips as she started stirring under my touch. "Shh.. it's alright.. it's just me... Newtie" I whispered, brushing a few strands of hair away from her face, as her eyes which had one of the most beautiful mixture of colours I had ever seen in my life, slowly opened.

"Love... do you want to go to bed?" I asked, as she blinked her eyes a few times, looking lost, before fixating them on mine. Her lips curled tiredly as she settled herself from her rolled-up position. "I'll think I'll stay out here tonight Newt".

She's battling things her smile will never tell you about.

"Y/N, do you mind if I join you?" I asked, not wanting her to be alone again, and she nodded in acknowledgement, looking up at me with her beautiful pair of eyes as I scooched myself beside her.

Being cuddly, I slowly wrapped my arms around her, listening to the change of her breathing pattern. Y/N stirred in my arms, and pressed herself tighter against me, nuzzling her face just underneath my chin. Smiling to the cuteness, I caressed her back.

"You make me so cosy" she let out a giggle of glee. "Well of course love", I grinned and pressed a kiss on her little nose, "you are my cuddly teddy bear".

A soft wave of warmth washed over my heart as her lips spilled with many giggles. I felt my heart melt at the beauty of her voice filling the silent sky. I was so mesmerised at the way her lips curved at the edges, dragging her beautiful smile across her face, all the way up to her glimmering eyes. It was the most breath-taking sight to behold.

Only when her puzzled voice echoed through my ears, did she pull me out of my daydream. "Newt?" she carefully cupped my face into her hand palms, as if I'd break any second, "you blanked out there for a minute".

I felt my cheeks go red in embarrassment as a sudden wave of shyness washed over me. "You haven't laughed in a long time" I murmured softly, feeling my cheeks burning, "I guess I was staring cause I forgot how that looked like".

Her cheeks dusted pink as a gentle smile appeared on her face. It was one of the most adorable things I've ever seen in my life.

A silence fell across the night sky, as we simply rested intertwined in our embrace. I hummed and smiled, loving this moment. For the first time, after too long, did I feel a flicker of joy in my heart... but it was taken away from me too quickly.

Having a heavy heart and an anxious mind is the worst. I never let myself be happy, I feel alone even when I'm not and sometimes I don't even know what's wrong.

"Newt are you alright?" Y/N's small voice sounded with concern, pulling my mind away from my drowning thoughts. "Not really love... but I'll be fine" I answered, my heart saddening as I gazed upon the worried expression on her face. "Newt, please talk to me".

"It's nothing important"I muttered, shaking my head like a little kid and looked down with a pout, "I don't want to talk about it". Soon after did I feel a longing kiss being pressed on my forehead. "Why not Newtie?".

"I'll cry" I mumbled, to which she cuddled me closer, and I grew boneless in her arms, to the warmth of her body and the steady beating of her heart.

"Crying doesn't make you weak Newt. It means you have been strong for too long" she whispered and peppered kisses here and there. Her hands closed in on mine, fingers sliding between the gasps of my digits. "Talk to me".

With our hands intertwined, I finally dared to look up at her.

"Have you ever felt so lost in your life to a point where you don't seem to know even who you are? Ever feel like you're trying to find a simple sprinkle of happiness but your mind is too intoxicated with poisonous thoughts, tearing you apart bit by bit inside each day? That's how I am feeling" I started to cry, as my emotions poured out of me, as if I finally opened myself up, this time all the way.

"I've fought so hard but I feel like my entire world is breaking apart no matter how much I've struggled through my life. I feel like I've lost all hope at this point. I can't even remember what it feels like to be myself anymore" my sobs and my mouth pressed against her shoulder almost made my speech unclear, but Y/N didn't mind as she continued to listen to me while she wiped the tears that had started falling.

"I feel so alone, struggling to get to a point in life which I don't even believe can exist anymore" I panted, completely out of breath, voice trembling a little from all the emotions, "I'm not even asking for happiness anymore Y/N, just a little less pain to say the least".

"I am going closer to the edge Y/N" my sobs transformed into soft sniffles, as a feeling of absolute cold shot through me, making me shiver against her. Y/N stiffened.

"Ending your life doesn't stop the pain Newt" she murmured softly, her fingers gently combed through my hair, "it just passes it on to someone else".

Her voice was almost inaudible, but I still sensed her words.

I could feel my head spinning, my emotions encircling me like a tornado. I buried myself deeper into her arms and hid my face, squeezing her a little.

"Shh, don't cry". Her calming voice caused my heartbeat to slow down, and my crying to die down, like a mother hushing her child.

After a few moments of cuddling quietly, I gently pulled away and sat down beside her again. ''Y/N, darling?'' I murmured, moving closer as she continued to look at me in complete silence, "do you struggle?".

Her expression soon turned dull as she rubbed her eyes in a hurry, desperately trying to fight her tears back, but I slowly grabbed her wrists gently into my hands and bought them close to my lips, placing a kiss on each.

I think people often forget, that sometimes the person who tries to fix everyone, needs fixing too.

"Love, please talk to me" I told her just above a whisper. She looked small and hurt, completely curled into a small ball against the wooden fence, knees against her chest. My heart shattered at the sight.

"Please talk to me Y/N" I pleaded again, and she looked into my eyes this time, with an intense look that squeezed the air out of my lungs, her bottom lip trembling as she tried to keep himself from crying. "I can't loose you".

Y/N's P.O.V

"I just handle it alone Newt", I murmured softly, my voice barely a whisper, "I've always dealt with everything alone". Without saying something, but just with some tears, did he crawl towards me and nuzzle himself deep into my chest for a cuddle. "Why Y/N?".

His heartfelt plea made my heart ache.

"I've cried so much in my life Newt" I started with a broken voice, remembering my past memories which used to haunt me, "but nobody has ever been there to wipe the tears that rolled down my cheeks".

"One day I looked down and realized - I have two hands myself". I pulled away from the snuggle so I could look at him. His watery, chocolate brown eyes fell on mine.

"Everything that's hit me in my life I have dealt with on my own" I continued in a quiet tone, "cried myself to sleep on my own, picked myself back up and wiped my tears on my own and have grown from things that were meant to break me".

"I saved myself" I whispered, and rested my head on top of his as he gazed at me with a softened expression,"instead of waiting for other people to save me".

"I stopped thinking of myself as damaged, and started to think about myself as growing to be stronger from the person I used to be".

Running a hand over his head, I brushed a few strands of hair behind his ear before he placed his head back against my chest. "Does your past still haunt you?".

"Not anymore" I said, my hands occupying themselves by twirling and playing with his blond locks, "the only time I look back to the past now is to see how far I've come. It can't hurt me, unless I let it".

"My past beats inside me like a second heart Y/N" he choked out, clutching onto me like it's his lifeline, "there seems to be no end to it ending to getting over it".

I quickly grabbed his face in my hands and pulled it closer to my own and pressed a kiss on his forehead, what made him smile a little.

"I know letting go is a slow process Newt, but quitting won't speed it up, it does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop" I said, while wiping the tears that had started trickling down his cheeks, "it's okay to have setbacks and the need for do-overs. It's okay to draw a line in the sand and start over again and again".

"Just make sure you're moving the line forward. Take baby steps and simply make progress". My heart ached again, to have him so broken in my arms. I could still feel his tears dripping on me.

"Sometimes you will have to fight a battle more than once to win it" I mumbled just above a whisper and cupped his face, drying his wet cheeks, "and the hardest battle you are ever going to have to fight is the battle to be just you".

We all have a war inside us. Sometimes it keeps us alive. Sometimes it threatens to destroy us. But it always leaves us a scar. Sometimes you don't see them until later. Sometimes you don't know where they've come from. Sometimes they fade before your eyes. But the world leaves its mark on us. But that scar is proof that you was stronger than what had tried to hurt you.

Strength is not about how much you can handle before you break. It is about how much you can endure after you've been broken.

Slowly and very softly did he part from me with watery eyes. "It is so hard Y/N".

"I know Newt". Nodding, my lips left kisses all over his head and face again, smothering him, "but you are strong enough to face it all, even if it doesn't feel like it right now and sometimes you just got to cry before you can move forward and all of that is ok".

"If you have the courage to make it through a lonely night with nothing but your self destructive thoughts to keep you company, you have the courage to make it through anything". My lips left a gentle kiss on his forehead to reassure him.

"Remember your proudest and happiest moments, rather than fixating on your flaws", I stroked his cheek and nuzzled our noses together, causing him to giggle, "think of all the lovely moments that happened to you, and put the bad ones behind you".

"Start making peace with yourself, rather than listening to destructive emotions" I grabbed his wrists with the gentlest movements, which had some scars on them. I left kisses here and there. "Seek out new beginnings rather than settling down for unworthy situations".

"Focus on how to improve, rather than on how you messed up" I whispered, and rested my head on top of his as he gently nodded at me, a hint of hope twinkling in his eyes.

For once there was no wall between us, keeping me from getting close to him. It finally broke down just for me, and I could finally get close to his broken soul.

When I drew away from him, my own smile couldn’t be held down at the sight of seeing a momentary lapse of hope in his eyes, as I gently pressed a few kisses on his knuckles.

"If you are having a rough day place your hand over your heart" my hand closed on his big, tender one as I clenched it and placed it gently on his chest, "feel that?".

"That's called purpose. You're alive for a reason". When I said this to him, I made sure to look deep into his eyes to make sure he understood every word I spoke. "Never give up".

"One day you will tell the story of how you overcame what you went through and it will be someone else's survival guide".

With our hands intertwined, I grinned and pressed a kiss on the tip of his nose. A fully blown, toothy grin appeared on his face, letting his big brown orbs shine.

"Owning your story is the bravest thing you will ever do".

Newt's P.O.V

There are wounds on her that are never shown on her body but are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.

The fire blazing in her dark and injured heart seemed to glow around her like a flame.

She was not fragile, like a flower. She was fragile, like a bomb.

"You are so incredible". My cheeks warmed faintly at the unexpected burst of wording the thoughts in my head. Her cheeks turned red while she smiled shyly to herself with eyes sparkling brightly, as she cuddled into me. I let out a happy sigh in return as I wrapped my arms gently around her. My heart fluttered in adoration.

Y/N may have grown a callous and hard shell but inside that shell she was a warm and tender heart, and a kind soul.

Being both soft and strong is the most beautiful combination a person can master.

"You've gone through so much Y/N" I whispered, and rested my head on top of hers as we lied there in silence, enjoying our own little bubble, "I don't know how you do it".

My fingers tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, making her even more beautiful than she already is. "I wasn't given a choice".

Biting her lower lip between her teeth she suddenly lowered her head and averted her gaze away from mine. "Y/N?".

"Hmm?" She hummed, before falling silent again.

"You are awfully quiet love" I whispered, and pulled her in for a hug, to which she nuzzled her face into the crook of my neck for a moment. "What's going on in that beautiful mind?".

My lips left a kiss on her shoulder to soothe her.

"I've thought about killing myself about a hundred times Newt" I felt her lips curve against my skin, "but I somehow found myself to be still in love with life".

My heart missed a few pulses from her words.

Moving back away from my embrace, she looked at me with a faint smile before using her little fingers to rub on her watery eyes, wiping the tears before I could even lay my fingers on her skin to do it for her.

My thoughts went blank as I continued to gaze in absolute awe at this beautiful warrior in front of my eyes.

This version of Y/N wasn't built overnight. She had been to the utter depths of hell, through abuse, mistakes, insecurities and heartache, to get to the level she is now.

Behind this strong independent woman today, lied a broken little girl who had to learn how to get back up and to never depend on anyone.

She was a knight polishing her armour. Carrying her own sword. Fighting her own battles. Making her own glory.

And that was the thing about her, she kept on surviving. With bullet holes in her lungs and knife marks itched in her heart. She never let anything get in her way, resilient.

A fighter, not by choice. But a warrior at heart.

Y/N's P.O.V

Newt leaned towards me and cupped one side of my jaw with his tender hand, his expression softening as his brown, piercing eyes began to sparkle. "Tell me more about it".

"I used to dream about escaping my ordinary life" I started in a quiet tone, and could feel my bottom lip quivering a little, as I kept talking, "but my life was never ordinary to begin with".

"I started to learn to appreciate the little things in life and I noticed that life is a series of thousands of tiny miracles... you just have to see it".

In silence, he pressed his lips gently on my cheek, a smile spread all over his face. "Go on, love". The smile resting over my own lips twitched, spreading into a blown-out grin as our eyes found each other for a long, craving stare.

"I love to watch the 5am sunrises and 5pm sunsets" I began softly, as he caressed my head with the palm of his hand while he continued to hold me close, "where you'll see colours in the sky that don't usually belong there.

"I love the way the first sip of coffee warms me up in the morning, or the way I feel so cozy and fuzzy when wearing oversized clothes" I told him, causing him to laugh, taking me by surprise, but then let it die down to a chuckle, "I love the smell from baked bread to the earthy scent of the air after a rain shower".

"I love eating breakfast in bed or having an extra half an hour to snooze in bed" I continued but with lots of smiles and giggles, which cheered me up, "or having some time to myself to read a book I love".

"I believe in small gestures" I cooed, and threaded my fingertips along his jawline, where I left a few kisses, "someone making me smile, or holding the door for me or even something simple as a wave of hello".

With dreamy eyes, he continued to gaze.

"I don't pay attention to the world ending anymore" I just shook my head, chuckling to myself, "it ended for me many times and began again in the morning".

Smiling, he pressed a kiss on my head as a comforting smile appeared on my face.

"We are all a little broken Newt" I murmured gently, cupping his soft cheeks in my hands to which he hummed and nuzzled his face in,"that's how the light gets in".

With bright red cheeks this time, he nodded.

Now grinning myself, I placed my head back on his chest to listen to the familiar beating as I gently grabbed his hands in mine just to press my lips on top of his scars again. "Just promise me to never do this to yourself again".

"I won't" he promised truthfully as I lifted myself up, only to rest my forehead on his. I felt him radiate heat again, cheeks glowing brightly.

"We have enough in life against us already don't be against yourself" I pressed a kiss on his nose and then nuzzled it with my own, making him grin,"be brave; dare to love the pieces of yourself no one else will ever see".

"Be patient and loving towards yourself" my lips pressed a kiss right on the place where his heart is located, "be the reason for your own smile".

"Embrace who you are" I whispered, and kissed each of his knuckles lovingly, to which he giggled sweetly, as he grabbed a hold of my hand and slid his fingers between mine, "be proud of yourself".

"Be your own hero".

A smile from ear to ear appeared on my own face to the sight of his beautiful face smiling at me, his warm chocolate brown eyes shining brighter than the constellation of stars above us.

Newt didn’t say anything, but his eyes told me more than enough. And along with his smile, bigger than ever before, I knew enough.

In complete silence, we sat there - rocking from side to side. Newt breathed calmly and slow, as if his mind had finally found peace, resting. Our eyes kept staring at each other, drowning in the colours of our irises, heartbeats changing until they were beating on the same rhythm.

Our hands intertwined even more, and something told me they'd be locked for the rest of the night.

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alwaysaglader · 5 years

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I Still Believe In Heroes

Over time, I've heard many adults say that Marvel movies bring no purpose to the viewers, other than spoiling their mindset and wasting their time. And that is the biggest bunch of crap I've ever heard.

For me, the Marvel superheroes have inspired me in many ways. When I used to get bullied in school and felt like giving up on life, a single thought in my mind just pushed me to keep going, Cap's words : I can do this all day. Having watched him fall yet get back up on his feet and fight every battle again, was an inspiration to get back on your feet an eighth time if you fell down the seventh.

Captain America has also shown that being handed over a power does not mean for it to be misused or for you to make yourself inevitable to others. Being given power of any kind is for you to make the rightful purpose of it, that is why life chose you to be trusted with it.

Tony Stark, from a damaged past to the man he is today, showed me that no matter how bad your past was, doesn't mean it dictates the way you live for the rest of your life. It showed that having a bad past is not an excuse for you be a bad person or harm others, but that it is up to you to stand up and make a change in your life, and make yourself a better person, regardless of who you were.

Peter Parker showed me that you should be proud of yourself to be a dork and a geek and the smartest. When Mysterio said 'Don't ever apologise for being the smartest one in the room', it really got me, cause I use to be afraid of being the smartass I really am. I love how Far From Home made a difference to the other SM movies by having Peter be with the MJ, a dorky girl who is a strong, independent and actually noticed Peter from the very beginning. And its amazing as to how Ned was portrayed as a chubby and bubbly guy with a strong self esteem about who he was, cause nowadays many are insulted and shamed for being over-sized resulting in them thinking less of themselves, but I love the inspiration that Ned bought, that size does not matter, and to love yourself as the way you simply are.

Some criticized that Thor shouldn't have been the way he was in Endgame, but over-sized, non-hunky and depressed Thor lifting the hammer showed that you are worthy, and that your life is always of value no matter how sad or depressed you become. Your human, your allowed to have emotion, your allowed to have ups and downs, your allowed to change from your happy mood into your comfort mood to fix yourself but that doesn't make you any less worth it, cause you are bringing out your inner hero, to fix yourself and stand up again and that's no power anyone can yield for you, but you for yourself 'cause you are your own hero.

Captain Marvel is an inspiration to show that being emotional doesn't make you weak, but brings out your own strength, your own super power. Being strong enough to show your own emotions, proves that you have a heart and that you aren't afraid to use it.

So these are some of the heroes that had an impact on my life. And if you are into sharing about a hero that had an impact on your life, I would like to hear your story too. It doesn't have to be solely Marvel, it could be anyone who is your own inspiration. ❤️

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alwaysaglader · 5 years

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Edmund Pevensie

This is a little something I felt like sharing with my fellow Narnians about myself.

Narnia was everything about my childhood. The characters and the beautiful story took me away from here, to another world, which I become a part of.

Narnia taught me the importance of family, to always believe in myself and to never loose my wild imagination, no matter how old I grow.

To me, Edmund was my favorite for many reasons. He made me understand that all my flaws and mistakes had a reason for it, and that I’m not to be held responsible for the rest of my life nor to blame myself for who I was and for what I’ve done. Imperfections are a part of everybody. We have to learn to embrace it rather the fear it. It’s human to be flawed.

If I ever feel I haven’t been the perfect person in life, I always remind myself of Edmund and on how he forgave himself after everything he’s done. He helped me move on from my messed past, rather then dwell on it. His strength to be his true self, with flaws and imperfections, was my inspiration to be the strong person I am today, regardless of the utter mess of life I’ve gone through and I couldn’t be prouder of myself for who I am.

Many people may have seen Edmund as the bad, unruly character for his actions at the beginning but I never did, I understood his reasoning for who he was. Everybody makes mistakes after all but what matters is that you learn from it to become a better person.

Edmund was so much like me in so many ways and I respect his character with all my heart.

You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending. - C.W. Lewis

Narnia is a part of my childhood I’ll never forget.

For Narnia and for Aslan ❤️

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alwaysaglader · 5 years

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Just Collapse Into Me

(Warning : sad but with a happy ending)

Y/N’s P.O.V

"I know that something is wrong. I know it" I said firmly, my heart beating loudly in my chest as I paced up and down the room. "Y/N... you need to calm down" the voice rang repeatedly in my ears, like it has been for the past couple of minutes.

"It hurts me to think of him being alone and trapped inside his own head, Alby" I sighed, placing my head on my knuckles, pain rising in my chest "cause I know how it feels like".

"Y/N.." Alby started but I blocked him out again. "And I know he is strong. So bloody strong to take care for himself. I know that... it's just that he shouldn't have to, is all".

"Y/N" Alby held my shoulders this time, "we will figure it out together". I let out a soft sigh and looked away with a frown but he bought my gaze by back with two fingers on my chin. "Right now we just need to be with him" he said in a soft tone, and I nodded in agreement as I heard a familiar voice boom through the hall way.

"SHE BEAN" the runner's voice echoed before he engulfed me in a tight hug, rubbing his stinky sweat all over me. "Ben!!" I squealed while giggling excited to see him, also knowing they were all back safe and sound, "how was your day buddy?".

"Amazing" he chuckled, as I rolled my eyes playfully at him. "Where's are the others?" I asked still trying to push him off while Alby let out a chuckle too. "Still in the map room" he said with a sly smirk before he gave me a push and ran away yelling, "race you there", making me squeal at him again before catching up right after a quick wave to Alby.

Newt's P.O.V

"Can we just call it a night? Work on this tomorrow morning?"I asked annoyed with the fact that we've been sitting here for what seemed like hours. "Newt listen, we're really getting closer to finding a way out. I think if we-" I cut him off not being able to take it anymore.

"Yeah Minho? We're close to finding our way out? You've been here for over 3 years and so have I. I'm tired and I've been running all day. Us getting out of here can wait another day because it's waited another day for the past three years. I'll be up at our usual time. Goodnight." I didn't mean to snap but I did. I walked out leaving him shocked with my actions though.

I stomped off angrily to the showers only to come back after a while to find Y/N leaning on the door post of my room waiting for me. “Hey” I gave a small wave and walked past her to lay my clothes on the chair to dry out. I felt shucking messed up.

"Hey Newtie" I felt her arms wrap around, hugging me tightly. "I heard you were snappy today" she mumbled with her soft voice, head peeking over my shoulder. "I didn't mean to snap I was just really tired and annoyed. I'll apologize to Minho" I said turning around to see her beautiful yet worried face gazing at me.

"Don't worry. Minho will get over it" she said placing her hand on my cheek to which I nuzzled to, “just wanted to know if you were alright?”. I stiffened. “I’m fine” I brushed her off and walked past her to my bed.

“Do you want to head off to the bonfire ? I heard Fry's got something new whipped together" I heard her footsteps behind me, jumping on her tippy toes but my dangerous thoughts were swirling in my head tearing me apart, silencing my words.

"I think I'll skip it love" I managed to say tiredly, turning around, "I'm just gonna lay down. You can go ahead”, but she frowned slightly with a little shake of her head, and simply said, "not without tucking you to the bed Newtie".

I inhaled sharply, hesitating for a couple moments before nodding my head, and lying down on my back, pulling the blanket over myself as Y/N grabbed a chair and sat next to my bed as I laid silently with my eyes closed hoping to fall asleep at least tonight.

"Y/N you’re missing the bonfire" I heard another voice pop into my room and I heard her refuse the offer as one of her hands occupied themselves brushing through my strands while I started drifting off to sleep, her free hand gently interwinding with mine, her thumb gently tracing my calloused skin.

It felt like medicine for my body and soul. Heart and mind.

Y/N's P.O.V

I watched him sleeping, soft and cocooned in his blanket, his little snores whistling through his parted lips, my mind trying to find a memory that looked so innocent and pure to combat the nightmares.

"Newt, I know you aren't feeling alright...” I said in just above a whisper, the back of my knuckles down his cheek, tracing his jaw with finger light tenderness, “and I just want you to know that I'm always here for you".

"And that you matter so much to me, and seeing you hurt is like a stab to my heart... so please let me help you” my bottom lip quivered, “it doesn't matter if I cut myself on your broken pieces, cause you matter more to me than myself”.

"I care so bloody much about you...that the thought of losing you..." I pursed, stopping a few tears that had already appeared in them from falling.

Deep inside, I understood Newt. Because I had felt the exact same way - sad, depressed and broken and it killed a part of who i was everyday and I wouldn't let Newt go through it alone.

I look at him and I can see it in his face. He thinks he can hide it but I can see it. I see the hurt, the dark circles beneath his eyes and the quiet pleas on his lips, too afraid to be voiced, too afraid to be heard.

I look at him and see the pain in his fake smile, and I smile back, hearing the attempted deception when he tells me he's just tired. All I want to do is hold him close to me, wrap my arms around him and tell him that everything is going to be alright.

“Just stay with me Newt" I whispered with a broken voice, before leaving with a gentle kiss to his forehead, "I'll miss you so bloody much if you don't"

Time skip to morning

Newt's P.O.V

I woke up my feeling dizzy and remembering something that seemed to be liked a part of a dream. I had a glimpse of Y/N in my head as I tried to recall last night but my head was too shucked up for me to even think straight, I was drowning myself with no way out. I was sick and tired of myself. Of everything.

But I couldn't show it so per usual I managed to put on a masked face over my real emotions as I readied myself and took off on my planned route for the day according to Minho's instructions.

---

The sun was almost beginning to set, when I had to stopped myself from the run and lean against a wall, too mentally tangled in myself. My thoughts had been consuming me the entire day, suffocating me of any ray of hope I had and it was worsening by the minute.

I thought about it deeply, we had been here for over 3 years. I map the maze everyday, looking for a way out, mapping out the routes I took hoping to find something different one day. And it killed me inside to always say no to everyone who asks for a solution. Specially Y/N.

I wanted to get her out of here more than anything else. I wanted to give her everything she deserved, which was the whole bloody world... but I couldn't and it killed me knowing I never could. And being this messed up person made me feel like a burden to her. A bloody probelm she had to deal with every shucking day.

I groaned in frustration, and punched the thick wall a couple of times, my knuckles turning red, but I couldn't care less about the pain cause I wanted everything to end. I sighed and kept my head against the wall, tears draining down my face. "Please make it stop".

A sudden absolute cold shot through me, making me shiver when I realised I could. My chest tightened and tears started burning my eyes at the thought in my head. I took a few steps back away from the wall and looked up, moving my hand to take hold of a bit of ivy close by, and then another and before I knew it I was climbing up the wall, tears pouring out my eyes, my body finding strength it never had, like it wanted to reach it's end soon enough.

I was drenched in sweat and my hands were shaking by the time I got to the top, where the ivy ended. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath knowing I was about to end all this. All the pain. All this suffering. All the burden which no one would have to deal with. This was the way. The only way.

I took in a deep breath and readied myself for the leap but before I did I closed my eyes for a brief second, but the last thing that flashed to my blurry mind was Y/N.

Clear as crystal. Her face and her last smile flashed in my mind. I felt her kiss on my head, her hand holding mine and her words echoed in my mind. It wasn't a blurry vision anymore, it was something that happened last night. "Just stay with me" I heard Y/N's words repeat in my head,"I'll miss you".

My heart thumped rapidly in my chest, as I gained my senses, my mind focused on just simply Y/N. She was my my life, my voice, my reason to be. My love, my heart is breathing for her. I had to live for my angel.

I lifted my foot shakily taking a step away from the edge to back away but my other foot slipped off by accident, tangling on the some vines, and I fell the long way down, landing on the floor with a thud letting out a blood-curdling, agonized scream through the air and the last thing I remember before I was enveloped by darkness was hearing my name being called... by Minho.

Time skip to evening

Y/N's P.O.V

My voice was weak and cracked every now and then from the sobs I was holding back. Tears threaded to blur my vision as I ran a shaky hand over Newt’s hair. Usually it was fluffy and soft – but now it was all sweaty and stick to his forehead which was wrinkled by jolts of pain as Clint moved his ankle back to its place.

Newt had stopped screaming in agony and pain like he did when Minho dragged him back to the Glade but he wouldn’t stop mumbling incoherently. It was almost like he was in some kind of trans – Clint said it may be because of the shock his body couldn’t take. “I think his bone is broken,” Clint murmured, drops of sweat oozing on his eyebrow, a frown of concentration on his face. He pressed again and Newt cried out loudly.

“Yeah, it surely is… It’s disangled. I have to pop it back. Clint take his arms and push him back! Jeff, help him!” I ordered immediately while we took our places. New-coming blow of energy spread through Newt’s body as Jeff stepped next to Clint as they tried to force him back to the bed while I re-positioned it.

His screams ran through the glade before he went silent because of the pain. I let out a sigh as Jeff placed his hand on my shoulder, as Clint bought the medical supplies. I yanked the red box open and pulled out a sterile bandage, a few sterile wipes and a bottle of alcohol while Jeff left to get Alby and Minho to know what actually happened, while Clint and I aided to Newt’s bruises.

Time skip to night

Minho's words kept repeating in my head as I walked back to the Med-jack's hut. I was left to my own thoughts for a few moments, while I tried to sort everything out in my mind: "He jumped Y/N. I saw it".

I halted outside the door for a moment and took in a deep breath when I heard shuffling and soft sniffles, so I hurriedly went inside to a disheveled and exhausted-looking Newt in the cot. I looked at him as he sat, just staring down at his feet, right ankle which was shucked up for good.

My feelings and thoughts overwhelmed me in that one moment, and the love I felt for him as well as the sadness came boiling over as I took a few large steps over to his cot before engulfing him in a tight hug.

He hissed in pain as his collarbone and ribs complained, so I let his grip go a bit but I still clung tightly to him. I could feel his skinny frame shaking, so I hugged him back comfortingly, rubbing his back as I whispered, “It’s alright, Newt. You’re safe”.

When the two of us separated, I smiled weakly and pressed a delicate kiss to the tip of his nose as bit he lip and tried to look away, but I wouldn’t let him. “I-I’m s-sorry, I-” he stumbled over his own words, his own tears trickling over his cheek, down to his jawline. I frowned, and wiped his tear away before I softly grabbed his wrists gently into my hand to hold him.

I didn't know what to say, so I continued to hug him gently. "I'm sorry" Newt's bottom lip trembled as he tried to keep himself from crying more, but I shook my head and opened my arms embracing him. Without saying something, but just with some tears, did he nuzzle himself deep into my chest, in for a comforting cuddle.

"Shhh.. it's alright" I told him just above a whisper. It had been so long and he'd had such a hard day, a hard life. I felt him strong arms pull me closer as he buried his face deep into my neck, tears dripping on me.

"I'm sorry I'm bloody messed up. And I'm so sorry I cannot fix it, Y/N. I'm so I-I-I- tried to... " Newt's cries faltered into sniffles as lowered his arm to wrap it around my waist to hold me close for dear life.

"I-I- I hate everything Y/N" he whispered with a tremble in his voice, "My mind feels like it's about to tear itself apart. I am so tired of myself. I hate every single day I wake up to. We are stuck in hell with no hope. I wanted it to end. I just wanted it to end".

I was quiet thinking it through. It felt like I was desperately trying to hold broken pieces together, but they were slowly slipping through my fingers."Newt, I know you are lost right now” I said silently, as he managed to calm down and his cries softened and became small sniffles, “and I know it terrifies you”.

“It scares you to the core, I understand, but...” I pressed kisses on his hair and on his forehead, “even after everything that’s happened, and there’s been a lot, you are still here. Bloody hell you’re at least trying. And for right now that enough.”

”I'm not the same Y/N” he whispered, with a broken voice and looked at his wrists and thighs, which had scars on them and then his eyes darted off to his ankle. My heart ached again, to have him so broken in my arms.

I gently placed two fingers under his chin and lifted his saddened gaze to meet with mine. “You may have changed Newt.. but no one stays the same. We all change. You change, I change. And right now you're just going through a really hard time, but that's alright, Newt, it's okay. You'll come out of this stronger than you think”

“And if you think I'm going to leave you, you're wrong. You may not be as happy as you were years ago, but you're still the brown-eyed, goofy Newtie I first saw when I came in that bloody box” I chuckled slightly, making a small smile appear on his face too, “just because you're down every now and then doesn't mean I do not care about you anymore, darling. If I had the chance to do everything over again and again, I’d still cared for you the same” I smiled, while gently stroking his cheeks. "You are not alone in this Newt".

"I'm always here to keep you in arms and protect you from anything that hurts you. I am here when you need someone to talk to or when you need a good, tight cuddle at night. I'm here when you are sad or angry and need comfort. I'm right here for you, day and night" I whispered and peppered kisses on his temple, which helped to calm him down.

A silence fell between us, which we used to get close to each other. "Please tell me to never do this to yourself again" I couldn't help but to release some tears too. It hurts me so much to see him like this, mentally tangled with himself.

I kissed his bandaged wrist like a mother that kisses her children's wounds away. I wanted him to feel better, both emotionally and physically. He has been struggling so much. "I'm grateful for your existence and everything about you" I said and pulled away from the snuggle, so I could look at him. "Just stay with me".

"I promise" he whispered softly, his watery, eyes locked with mine. We looked at each other for a moment, and as I stared into his warm brown eyes, I knew it was going to be a long road for him to feel okay the way he used to.

But I'd be damned if I wasn't there for every single moment. I wanted to be there when he smiled for the first time again, and I wanted to be there when he felt like giving up again. But most of all, I wanted to be there when, someday, he could tell you that he was really, truly okay again.

"Collapse into me. Just once. I promise you'll never have to fall again" I whispered, and rested my head on top of his as a gentle smile made way across his face as he gently nodded at me, a hint of hope twinkling in his eyes.

Newt's P.O.V

I looked at her and felt happiness blooming inside me, as if her eyes were the calm, beautiful morning after a night full of storm. The two of us laid in peace and quiet, as I felt myself beginning to grow extremely tired, and I saw Y/N let out a tired sigh against my chest before a yawn escaped her mouth. I pressed a kiss on her forehead, wrapped my arms tightly around her waist and moved us properly on the bed.

Y/N looked at me, then looked down at my hand, slowly taking it and lacing her fingers with mine. I smiled at her sweet action, feeling the heat rise to my cheeks as I shuffled closer, hand-in-hand, and lent my head into the crook of her neck, her doing the same.

While holding her protectively against my chest, I pulled her closer as she melted into me, completely at ease as I pressed my lips against her forehead. The feeling of her body pressed against mine - so close that I could feel her heart beating against my own chest - it made me feel whole.

"Thank you." I whispered, feeling my heart pound louder for her as I watched her beautiful eyes flutter close, "for saving me".

Holding her in my arms, listening to her rhythmic breathing, I couldn't help but to love her more than I have ever done. Because she's trying so hard to give me the best she can offer me. And owning her heart of gold that beats just for me, made me realise that I'll never ever want to lose her – I couldn't afford to lose her. Because in this cruel world she makes me feel human.

She showed me one important thing that no one has ever been able to show me before. Not that I was a good leader, smart or kind. None of that. She showed me something more important than any of those things. She showed me that I was important, that there is a reason that you are here. She made me feel like the world was lucky to have me.

She is my hero.

#newt #newtie #maze runner newt #newt tmr #the maze runner #tmr newt #Maze Runner #maze runner imagines #maze runner newt imagines #newt x reader #newt x reader imagine #just collapse into me #jump #limp #sad #sweet

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alwaysaglader · 5 years

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FUCK MAN YOU BETTER INCLUDE SOME NEWTMAS MOMENTS I SWEAR TO GOD

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alwaysaglader · 5 years

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Truly, Madly, Deeply In Love

Newt's P.O.V

"Y/N, I know it will happen, love. I know it will" I hushed, holding her tightly in my arms as we laid on the couch in front of the TV, watching some kind of random movie that got displayed on some kind of channel we often look at when we have a sleep over.

"But no one has ever wanted me Newt..." I heard her mumble against my chest and I cupped her cheek and lifted her face slowly only to see her eyes filling with tears, breaking my heart to a million pieces at the sight.

"D-d-do you know for my prom every girl had a date except me ?" she sniffled, cheeks glowing bright red in what seemed like shame, "and the worst part was..... you know what, it's a silly thing. Happened a while back" she wiped her tears and averted her gaze from me suddenly. "Y/N, it's not silly. Please tell me, love" I hugged her soothingly, "tell me. Please".

Y/N looked at me nervously before letting out a sigh, "I've always wanted that moment where the guy puts the corsage onto the girl's hand at prom to happen to me... but I had to watch every girl get that moment when I've been dreaming it for so long... but I couldn't have it".

"There were more boys than girls too and yet no one wanted me" she said quietly. "Y/N, that's because they ain't worthy of your love" I said earnestly, "you have to need someone who's worthy of you... cause you are precious" I grabbed her hand very gently and intertwined her fingers with mine, as she nuzzled her face to the crook of my neck, tears pouring down her cheeks.

"I just don't think that anyone could ever want me Newt" she murmured very quietly, tightening her grip on my hand. "Y/N, anyone in the world will have all the luck in the world just to be with you" I said immediately, and wiped the tears away, brushing a strand of hair out of her face making her grin softly.

"Just seeing couples getting ready to do cute things together for Valentines day... I just can't help but wonder what it's like to have someone fall for you" she said in a whisper, her voice was almost inaudible, but I still sensed her words, "I mean really in love with you. Not just by looks but be consumed with every little piece of you. The way you laugh, the way you talk... the way you just exist".

"I'm so afraid" I felt her small hands clinging to my hoodie, "that no one will ever fall in love with me... I'm just-- " but I cut her off immediately tackling her with a hug not wanting her to finish her that sentence knowing what she was going to say. My heart broke even more.

"Y/N, if I could give you one thing in life I would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes, only then would you realise how special you are..." I whispered and pressed a kiss on her hair, and took in her scent.

"You know what?" I said, wrapping my arms around her, until there was no space left between our bodies, "I'm going to make you feel special like you deserve to be felt everyday. She tilted her head with a wet chuckle, "Newt, what are you talking about ?".

"I'm going to plan Valentine's day" I grinned excitedly. The look in her eyes changing noticeably, flickering with joy, as her smile turned to giggles, making my heart skip beats.

She had a smile worth dying for, but oh when she laughed.

Time skip to Valentine's Day

Y/N's P.O.V

I woke up to the familiar smell of pancakes coming from my kitchen. I lazily opened my eyes to see a figure at the door. "Newt?" I asked sleepily, rubbing my eyes and sitting up. "Good morning!!" his cheerful voice echoed as he walked closer, carrying a big tray in his hands.

"Breakfast in bed" he smiled, placing the tray on my bedside table only to grab a pillow and place it on the head board so I can sit back comfortably. Once he was satisfied he placed the tray on my lap and I was amused by how lovely it was.

Rose petals were scattered around the plate located in the middle which was also accompanied with my mug filled with steaming hot chocolate topped with whipped cream and little pink heart shaped sprinkles.

"Newt..." I glanced up to see him smiling sweetly at me. "Do you like it?" he asked bouncing on his heels. "It's homemade with love" he grinned cheekily with a wink. "Come here you" I laughed, patting the spot besides me.

Once he nestled himself next to me I handed him the fork knowing he hasn't eaten anything without me but instead he took the tray and cutlery positioning them on his lap. My confusion soon turned into admiration and I got so lost in his charm as he began to manipulate our breakfast, pouring the rich maple syrup onto the stack of pancakes and then slicing it to small pieces.

"Open up, love " Newt spoke as he looked up at me, holding the fork pierced with a piece of pancake, carefully stuffing the food between my teeth. "It's delicious" I giggled, covering my mouth so as not to spill anything out of it while chewing.

He smiled proudly before he supplied himself with a bite of our breakfast but right before he put the fork in his mouth he suddenly halted with widened eyes and excused himself running out in a flash only to come back a second later holding something more in his hands.

"T-t-these are for you" he said with a shy smile handing me two flower bouquets, one with red roses and the other with pink. "I-I-I didn't know which one you would have liked most so I got you both" he said smiling sheepishly, his soft face gazing at me adoringly.

"Do you like them ?" he asked in a keen tone, sitting back in the bed and brushing his fingers on the pinkish petals. "Newt, they're so beautiful" I exclaimed happily, bubbling with joy and it made his cheeks turn to the shade of my roses. "Thank you so much".

Breakfast resumed with Newt delicately feeding me as he nourished himself with other half of the stack. I opened my mouth again, expecting Newt to satisfy it with another dose of sugary dough but it never came. "I'm sorry, love. But we're done here" he informed, when I looked at the plate with nothing but the traces of syrup.

I chuckled embarrassedly and grabbed the hot mug when I felt a soft kiss being placed onto my cheek making a lovesick feeling wash over me, numbing my senses and fluttering hard in my stomach. Warmth spread over my body, consuming me. I felt loved.

"Sooo what are we going to do today ?" I asked, clearing my throat and snapping myself back to reality. "What do you prefer, love ? Something outside or inside?" he asked, smiling widely, while collecting the dishes back on to the tray.

"Newt what ever you have got for me I am sure it's perfect" I chuckled, feeling happiness exploding in my stomach for the time and effort he had gone through for me. "Noooo" he whined childishly with a pout, "you have to choose".

"If you want indoors I got snacks and your favourite movies ready to get all snuggly inside a blanket fort" he explained enthusiastically "and if you wanna go outside, I've got a picnic ready at the back of my jeep so we can drive off to somewhere".

"Outside?" I tilted my head and he smiled back warmly with a nod. "Give me some time to get ready ok ?" I said and he rolled his eyes playfully, "Y/N, take all the time you need love. You know I always wait for you" he chuckled making me laugh too.

After he left I dragged myself into the bathroom to see my bath all ready, filled with bubbles with a few candles around the tub which was scented with what seemed like roses too. It looked so breath-taking I had to take a few moments to admire it.

After refreshing myself, I wrapped a towel and walked straight to my closet to take out the outfit I have been waiting to wear for quite a while now. It was a dress Newt chose for me at the mall some time back but I felt too self conscious so I pushed the idea of buying it.

But I couldn't seem to forget the look on Newt's face when I tried it on and showed it to him. His deep brown eyes were full of warmth, as his pink lips quirked in a full blown smile. My heart bursted with love as I noticed him looking at me, his eyes sparkling as if I were the only person in the world. Therefore, I went back to the store later on and bought the dress to wear it as a suprise for Newt one day but never did I ever think it would be on such a romantic situation with him.

Once I was fully dressed and walked out of my room, Newt's mouth gaped open as his widened eyes looked at me, gawking silently and mindlessly with his cheeks tinting red by the second.

"You look incredibly gorgeous, love" he managed to say or stutter with an ever growing smile. "Thank you Newt"I giggled coming closer to him and placing a soft kiss to his cheek. "And you look very handsome yourself" I reciprocated genuinely making him break into a shy grin.

"I got something for you" Newt spoke up and slowly bought his hand that was hidden behind his back to reveal a beautiful corsage. "I made it by myself" he told me very shyly and looked down again, which was one of the most adorable things I've ever seen in life, "so I could do it with all your favourite flowers".

When Newt looked down while blushing, I lifted up his head by lifting his chin up with two fingers and his cheeks began to burn, leaving them to glow when he noticed me staring already. "It's the most beautiful corsage I've ever seen Newt" I smiled, his gesture making my heart warm and makes butterflies tickle the walls of my stomach. "Thank you so much..." I said softly, trailing the back of my fingers over his cheek to caress while keeping my eyes on his, which were sparkling brightly, "for everything".

"I-I-I can't b-b-believe you did all this for m-m-me" I started to stammer, unable to express how grateful I was in proper words when I was cut off with a hug. "Y/N, you know I do anything for you. No matter how bizarre it is" he murmured into my ear, peppering a few kisses all over. I hummed happily and smiled, loving this moment.

"So what type of guy did you have in mind if you were to have a date today?" Newt asked while we climbed down the flight of stairs. "You just tell me what you want and I'll be that for you" he prompted eagerly and a chuckle left my lips as I stopped and turned to face him, grabbing his hands in mine, "goofy and clumsy".

"But Y/N that's just me" he frowned. "I know and I wouldn't change it for the world" I grinned and kissed his cheek making a big smile appeared on his face, love pulsing through my chest as a genuine smile flooded my face.

When we walked out of my building and reached the the car, Newt opened the door being the gentlemen he always is and helped me in. "I've got your favourite CDs ready. Pick what you want, love" he smiled with a quick peck on my cheek before coming around and getting in himself.

The drive was quiet, except for the music yet comfortable as it always is when we're together. Newt drove through a forest-like area. The sun was shining right through the spaces of the leaves on the trees that surrounded us, giving it a captivating beauty. Newt parked the car somewhere alongside the road and grabbed a basket from the backseat of the car, along with a checkered plaid that draped over it before coming over and opening the door for me.

He grabbed a hold of my hand and laced our fingers, feeling it glow. I placed a quick kiss to his crimson red cheek, as we started walking down a gravel path, leading to a beautiful lake in an open area that was surrounded by trees.

The sight was romantic and so breath-taking that I stopped walking for a few seconds to take in the environment. "Y/N?" Newt suddenly spoke up, as he looked over his shoulder at me. "Sorry, it's just so beautiful" I smiled, and did a little twirl making him chuckle while he unfolded the plaid, to lie it down on the ground. He then held out his hand inviting me to sit with him before we started pulling out all the home-made goods Newt had in the basket.

Newt's P.O.V

I quietly pulled out the camera from the bag on the side and quickly snapped a picture of Y/N already stuffing herself with french fries. She was just so adorable I couldn't resist not taking a picture and then I heard the familiar squeal of her not wanting any pictures taken.

I think she'll will never know how much I want to take a picture of her when she's not looking, to capture her in those moments when she's just being herself, caught up in some daily task or thoughts and daydreams that I would never even know, times when she's unaware and unabashedly imperfect.

"You took a picture of me stuffing french fries in my mouth" she grumbled playfully with a slight push to my shoulder, "and I bit my finger". I let out a laugh before moving closer to her and handing the camera for her to look while grabbing her hand to kiss her tiny finger. "Newt I look hideous" she pouted and I sighed with a small shake of my head as I held her hands bringing them close to my chest where she could feel my heart, every beat which is meant only for her.

"You are the loveliest, gentlest and most beautiful person I have ever known" I said looking deep into her beautiful pair of pearls, "and even that is an understatement".

A blush rose to her cheeks and she shyly looked at my eyes, biting her bottom lip to hide her growing smile making her look so adorable and I couldn't help but pepper her beautiful face with many kisses.

I still haven't figured out how sit with her and not be madly in love with everything she does.

Y/N was unexplainable. You think she was a good girl, but once you get to know her, you realise she's everything.

She's deeper than anyone else and that's probably why nobody gets her. She's a bit too much for anyone, and she has this weird habit of being herself all the time.

She is insecure with her flaws and has a hint of sadness in her eyes but she hides it well behind a smile that almost appears natural. She's delicate but tough, mostly tough on herself, the mistakes in which she made, often eat away at her conscience, she's honest but there are things she keeps to herself, understanding that not everyone deserves to unlock her secret door.

Y/N has always been so extraordinary to me and there's no goddamn universe that could be as much as her. But she doesn't believe that, and she blames herself every night for not being ordinary. She hates herself for being this unique human being but I fell in love with her for her uniqueness.

She's got a heavy heart, a messy soul, a reckless mind but there's this quiet sense of hope that still lives within her soul and I think it's absolutely beautiful the way she carries herself.

She was made of magic that only I could see.

"Do you know what my favourite picture is ?" I asked in a whisper, eyes dancing over the blush on her face, as she tilted her head to the side with a twinkle in her beautiful eyes. I let out a chuckle at her cuteness before reaching for the pocket in my pants to get my wallet to show her my favourite picture that I carry around everywhere, every single day.

It was a photo taken a long time back, we were sitting on the kitchen floor waiting for our cookies to be done while listening to the radio and 'Can I have this dance?' from high school musical suddenly came on and Y/N smiled at me like she wanted to dance but didn't want to ask so I grabbed her arm and spun her around the room.

Y/N had her hair in a messy bun, with no make up on, and a pair of baggy sweat pants and a giant Star Wars t-shirt and she looked absolutely stunning in my eyes, by just simply being her.

So after we finished dancing or well mostly tripping over with lots of smiles and giggles, which cheered me up, honestly, I held her in my arms and smiled, to take a goofy selfie but we both looked at each other instead of the camera which captured that moment in a perfect picture.

Y/N's P.O.V

"Oh no" he panicked, quickly standing up. "Newt?" I asked worriedly. "M-my wallet" he stammered nervously, "I-I must have dropped it somewhere". I sprung on my feet instantly, "Newt calm down. We'll go look" I said seeing him turn pale by the moment, "did you have it this morning ?".

"YES!!" he said frantically looking around. "Newt we will look here and then you go look at your place and I'll check at mine. It can't be anywhere else" I suggested and he nodded in agreement.

After a while of looking around here, we packed everything and went back to my place. "I'll come back as soon as I can" Newt said sadly as he dropped me at my door even though I told him not to. "I'm really sorry for ruining--" he started to say feeling guilty but I cut him off. "Don't be".

Once Newt left I looked in all my rooms and then moved to the kitchen to find it fallen under the table, where he must have dropped it when he came to make breakfast in the morning.

I quickly picked it up and opened it to see if anything is missing, but the first thing I saw was a picture of me and Newt right in front. I was wearing a giant Star Wars t-shirt and my hair was an absolute mess and I had a goofy smile on my face while Newt hugging me from behind, smiling so happily.

The same goofy smile I had made its way across my as I thought of how much of a mess I looked like here regardless of how much Newt said I looked 'bloody' beautiful. It would've been almost comical, if not for the absolute adoration encompassed within his eyes when he said so.

I remember the feeling I had when I first met Newt. I noticed his eyes instantly, they were beautiful brown orbs that got brighter and brighter every time he saw me.

He looked at me as if I were something special, the feeling of being special so foreign, it almost hurt to be looked at like that.

I've always thought Newt was plain amazing. I remember talking with him day and night and telling stories and talking about things we loved endlessly. He made it so simple and effortless and I couldn't help myself but fall in love with him.

But I've always been too terrified to tell him how I felt, especially anxious about the fact that if I would have said it, it could ruin our friendship.

I couldn't stop my ever growing smile on the thought of him as I searched through the rest of the wallet, but did not come across any cash or credit cards, just a folded paper in one case. Curiously, I pulled it out and opened wondering why Newt was so eager to find the wallet if there was nothing important here.

Moving my fingers along the neatly folded paper I opened it carefully, only to be shocked and amazed the next moment. A gasp rolled over my lips before I could swallow it down.

It was the first letter I ever wrote to Newt, years back when we first became friends. My mind couldn't even begin to comprehend the fact that he treasured it with him for so long. My thoughts were blank, clouded and unclear, as if the feeling of love fogged up my senses.

I sat like that for a while, just staring at the letter when the door suddenly flew open and Newt came stumbling inside. "Did you find it? did you find it?" he asked running up to me and I nodded still speechless."Y/N?" his worried voice echoed in my mind as he quickly knelt next to me, "sweetheart, what happened?".

"Y-y-you still kept this ?" I asked with a tremble in my voice. The air seemed to be knocked out of my lungs. "Yes" he answered in a quiet whisper as I looked up at his big brown eyes, which had one of the most beautiful mixture of colours I had ever seen in my life, staring at me. "Why?".

Newt's P.O.V

"Because you matter the world to me" I murmured softly, and looked down before looking back into her eyes. Once I looked at her and could feel the happiness blooming inside me, as if her eyes were the calm, beautiful morning after a night full of storm.

Suddenly, while we stared at each other in silence, I couldn't believe I held myself back for so long when I always wanted more. I wanted more than just looks and brushes of arms and legs. I wanted to taste her lips and her neck and her cheeks and everything. I wanted to run my hand through her hair and feel the electricity of love rush through me. I wanted to pull her in and never let her go.

"Can't you see it ?" I whispered with a trembling voice as I gently caressed her cheek, "I am hopelessly in love with you Y/N. I have for so, so long now". A soft sniffle left my mouth and I was soon bought into the familiar loving embrace of her arms. She held me tight as I started crying.

"I am in love with your big beautiful eyes and perfect laughing smile and rosy cheeks and little nose and pretty hair that makes your face glow. I am also in love with your voice and the way you blabber about the things you love endlessly and your warm hugs and sweet kisses and hilarious faces and corny jokes. I love it all" I said breathlessly, tears rolling down my face.

"Y/N, I want to make you happy in any way I can. I want to make you the kind of happy that when you lay in bed at night you're gonna think that who even knew this was possible" I said, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, making her more beautiful than she already is, "and I want to be the one to make you happy".

Y/N pulled her face from my chest and looked at me with sparkling eyes. Her irises shined bright, so bright they almost blinded me. "I love you".

"It's you" she continued softly, her head resting on mine as I saw tears starting to trickle down her cheek. She placed her hands in my neck, cupping half of my jaw, "it's always been you Newt. Even though I never told you".

"You're have always been my everything always" the quiet, melodic tune of her voice drifted through the air. The smile resting over my lips twitched, spreading into a blown-out grin as our eyes shyly found each other for a long, craving stare.

Her nose was pink and her eyes were watering. I noticed her eyes were even more beautiful when she cries. Most people would look at her, see a regular girl who's upset over something. To me, she's no ordinary girl. To me, she's the most beautiful, most lovely girl in the world.

Even now, as broken as she is, with her shoulders slumped over and knees wobbling in weakness and bloodshot eyes that can't cry anymore because she's already shed so many tears, she is still beautiful.

"I'm so sorry for taking so long to realise..." I faltered. "Newt, you have nothing to apologise for" she cooed, and pressed my head against her where I left a few kisses, "I am sorry for not--".

"You don't have to be" I hushed her immediately, wrapping my arms around her body and pressing myself against her to hold her listening to the change of her breathing pattern as our eyes kept staring at each other, drowning in the colours of our irises, heartbeats changing until they were beating on the same rhythm.

"C-c-c-can I k-k-kiss you ?" I stumbled suddenly, unable to stop myself from looking to her eyes to her lips and back again. She looked into my eyes in deep thought as to what spluttered out of my mouth.

"I've been dreaming about it" she admitted shyly, with bright red cheeks and that was all it took for me to kiss her like every fibre of my being was dying and she was my medicine. And oh my love, it did feel like it, because suddenly, I was more alive, I felt stronger, happier and I felt at home. Her arms felt like home and bloody hell, I never wanted to leave home again.

We were entirely in our own little world as we sat there, taking in each other's taste and enjoyed our what seemed like an ever lasting hug. Pulling back, I let my hand caress her cheek, taking in every little bit of her into my heart.

I smiled at her, making her blush. "Do you mind?" she said jokingly, smiling foolishly to herself. "I can't help it. You're so perfect" I trailing the back of my fingers over her cheek to caress while keeping my eyes on hers but she shyly glanced down and shrugged her shoulders. "I'm far from it".

I shook my head and sighed. "I hate it when you think of yourself as nothing. You're so beautiful and amazing. You may not be perfect to someone else, or to even yourself but you're perfect in my eyes".

"You have no idea how many 11:11 wishes, shooting star wishes and just plain wishes I have made to be good enough to be able to deserve you" I whispered and kissed her lips gently, causing her eyes to shine. A smile from ear to ear appeared on my face to the sight of her beautiful face smiling at me.

"Am I the reason you look so happy in the picture ?" Y/N grinned cheekily, picking up my wallet. "Oh darling" I cooed pulling back to look at her beautiful blushing face, "no camera could ever capture the look in my eyes and the feeling in my heart when I'm with you".

In silence, she pressed her lips gently on mine, a smile spread all over her face. My hands slid from her face to cup her soft cheeks back in my hands again and she slid her arms around my neck and held them there keeping me close.

My thoughts were blank, but at the same time filled with thoughts about her, about flash-forwards with her; our future. I thought about us, causing my happiness to grow even more.

"Can you stay here for the night ?" Y/N stirred in my arms, and pressed herself tighter against me, nuzzling her face just underneath my chin. Smiling to being her adorable self, I caressed her back. "Of course darling".

"Sure?" she asked again still unsure of whether I was comfortable with my decision being the kind hearted person she is, "or at least stay till I fall asleep?".

"Well that's given" I chuckled as I felt her gaze resting on my face, "pancakes in the morning?". Y/N let out a happy sigh against my chest as I nuzzled our noses together. Her eyes were sparkling, dancing with the kind of light that made you feel warm inside to see.

With my face pressed against hers, I noticed her eyes being closed in tiredness. Softly, my lips left a kiss on her forehead as I wrapped my arms tightly around her waist and moved us into her bedroom before laying her on the mattress with flushed cheeks.

I gave a sweet kiss on her lips before walking over to wardrobe to get her a change of clothes and to get mine which I kept here because I basically live with her. Y/N had always been someone I couldn't stay away from; a few moments is all it takes for me to miss her like crazy.

It was something only she could make me feel like; it was something I could only define it as love. Pure love. I was dazed into my thoughts when a thud made me turn around to see Y/N on the floor, with a sheepish smile on her face. "Shouldn't have bounced".

A cheerful fit of laughter escaped my mouth without my permission. In return, she tuck her tongue at me. "Is this what made you fall in love with me?" she chuckled nervously, while I walked closer with a big nod and sat next to her but she shyly looked down, fiddling with her fingers.

"But I'm not like other girls" her small voice sounded quietly, "I prefer to eat and sit on the computer than to party. I'm weird and awkward".

"Sweetheart" I whispered, to which she snuggled closer to me, pressing her front against my own. My lips left a kiss on her forehead to soothe her. "Oh, my angel" I murmured gently, while caressing her head with the palm of my hand to which she hummed and nuzzled her face into my chest, "I love your awkward quirky charm".

"And no you're not like other girls at all. You're way better" I cooed and turned to her lips, where I left a few kisses, "and baby girl, you are never ever alone... I'll always sit next to you while you're on the computer and eat with you till we 're both stuffed" I exclaimed in a joking kind of way, what made her giggle.

"This is me Y/N, hands out, heart open, always loving you, whether you fail or fall, just as you are" I said truthfully and pressed a kiss on her nose making her smile softly with such pure eyes that it took me aback a little.

"Please don’t ever leave me behind. I’m never going to find a person as sweet, loving, caring and patient as you. Nobody will even come close. I don’t want anyone else" I pleaded, as she cuddled into me, making herself comfortable.

Her eyes sparkled brightly, showing me her happiness as she placed a few fingers underneath my chin to invite me closer for a kiss. "I love you" she smiled against my lips, repeating the three words over and over while we lost ourselves in each other.

After we got changed to our pyjamas and quickly snuggled under the covers, Y/N buried her cute face into the crook of my neck. I chuckled, and rolled us around, so she could sleep on top of my chest, like she always did when I bunked over.

We looked at each other for a moment before I leaned in and pressed a kiss on her lips."Can I stroke your hair while you fall asleep?" I asked, with a pouty face, my hand already stroking her head tenderly. "Do you want me to fall in love with you even more?" she giggled sweetly, unable to hide her full-blown smile as she grabbed a hold of my free hand, sliding her fingers between mine.

"Only if it ends with you in my arms every night for the rest of my life" I smiled, holding her protectively against my chest and pressed my lips against her forehead to rest them there for the rest of the night, watching her eyes close with a smile resting on her lips which I would be able to kiss every morning when I wake up from now on like I've always wanted.

I craved the simplest of love with Y/N. A cold night, warm sheets and her skin against my own. Certainly, that is all I could ever ask for. Sometimes you can't explain what you see in a person. It's just the way they take you to a place where no one else can.

Never in a million years did I think I'd find someone so utterly and completely perfect, someone who would make me happier than I ever dreamed I could be, someone that would touch my life so profoundly and just give me a whole new reason to breathe. And then I found her and realised that everything I anticipated doesn't even compare to her.

We found each other in this crazy, messed up, beautiful world because we belong together, we belong in each other's arms and we are connected by more than love. For the one simple reason that Y/N is the one and only person I will ever truly want for the rest of my life.

She was life itself.

Wild and free. Wonderfully chaotic, a perfectly put together mess.

She is the kind of magic that you marry.

#newt #maze runner newt #the maze runner #newtie #Maze Runner #newt tmr #tmr newt #maze runner imagines #maze runner newt imagines #gladers #alwaysaglader #valentine's day #valentine #last first kiss #kiss

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alwaysaglader · 6 years

Text

Be My Mess

Newt's P.O.V

We gathered at the WCKD cafeteria for lunch after a day of tiring classes. I was sitting at my usual table with my friends trying to eat the tasteless food on my plate but out of nowhere, my thoughts had once again drifted away to one particular person in this crowd - a lonely girl.

I always see her sitting at lunch eating silently while everyone around is busy chatting away but none seem to make any conversation with her or in class, she sits in a corner at the back or at any other time I see her, she's just all by herself while every single other person seems to have a friend beside them.

Over the time of observing her, the more I got to know about her from the outside and that concerned me a lot - it even kept me awake at night when I lied in bed and I found myself staring at her during class, or thinking about her at times even when I'm supposed to be busy.

She didn't just cross my mind, she lived in it, roaming through my thoughts like an ongoing kaleidoscope, showing me pictures of her and possibilities of what she could have been doing that exact moment.

It was almost midnight when me and my room mates snuck out to go to the rooftop of the building. It has actually become quite a routine thing for us to do, to get away from our terrible lives in here for a while. The upper areas of the building weren't tight with security and it was hardly monitored giving us the perfect escape but the levels where we held in were crawling with guards, ready to throw us back to captivity so we had to be on full alert when roaming about.

We ran along the long WCKD hallways quickly, once it was seen to be clear, but I came to a sudden halt by a figure that caught my eye in a room we were passing by. I squinted to look as no one was supposed to be out after curfew, specially not occupying any room which was restricted to use without any WCKD member to be accompanied by but I was sure I saw someone in there.

My curiosity made we walk closer and peep inside to see that girl. She was sitting leaning against the corner of a wall, her nose stuck in a book as I've seen very often but I saw her cheeks puffed and damp and I felt a sudden ache in my heart at the sight.

I looked over to my friends waiting for me at the other end of the hall but I signalled for them to go on and slowly creaked the door open, and walked inside which I should have probably thought more about because she got startled by my sudden appearance which did scare both of us for a moment.

"Hi" I smiled nervously, my hands shaking in my pockets. "Oh hello" she smiled, her expression softening as her eyes looked at me up and down. "M-m-may I sit here ?" I asked nicely, gesturing to the spot next to her and she nodded softly, so softly that I could barely see it and scooted to the side. "Thank you".

"I'm Newt" I smiled warmly and extended my hand for a shake. "Y/N" she said, and placed her small one gently on mine with a slight squeeze and I fought the tendency to slip my fingers between hers to intertwine them.

I took a deep breath in to keep myself focused and swallowed. "Me and my friends kind of snuck outside. Do you want to come ?" I asked but she nervously bit her lip and looked down. "No, it's fine. You can go ahead".

"No" I shook my head immediately. "I'll rather stay here with you" I said and watched the way her face lit up brighter than the sun. It was as if it was the first time someone ever wanted to be with her. Her eyes sparkled brightly, showing me her happiness.

"That's very nice of you" she grinned and looked back at me. Our eyes locked and I couldn’t help but smile foolishly to her being so sweet and innocent but what mostly captivated me was the fire burning in her eyes, a confident look behind that small and vulnerable girl I see.

"Don't you get caught sitting here ?" I asked, confused by the fact that we have to sneak around by being extremely careful. "I haven't yet" she said timidly. "It's dangerous, you don't know what they will do if you are caught!!" I suddenly blurted with an overprotective nature which shocked me for a moment and startled Y/N, again, as she stared back at me with widened eyes for my outburst.

"Sorry" I mumbled, with reddened cheeks."D-d-do you want to go back to my room and read... together?" I asked, and she smiled shyly, being her adorable self. "My room mates aren't probably going to be there for a while but it's only if you want to otherwise we can stay here unless you want me to leave---”.

"I'll come" her small voice sounded making me stop my blabbering and look at her with a big grin on my face. "Good that" I smiled and stood up, grabbing her book and held out my hand for her to hold. The moment she did, my cheeks heated up and I couldn’t help it but to look down to the ground, smiling to myself.

We cautiously tip-toed back to my room and shut the door before any guards walked by. "Sorry about the mess" I apologised and quickly started cleaning some stuff up while she scanned the small room before taking a seat on a bed which was luckily mine. I then fluffed a pillow and placed it against the head board so she could rest comfortably.

"Where are you going to sit ?" she asked softly and I glanced at her a bit suprised not expecting her to speak. "I can sit on the floor" I said and she bit her lip lightly and glanced down at the floor as a frown appeared on her face.

“You could sit here with me if you want to” she whispered, so quietly it was barely audible and scooted over to the side making some space. I grinned happily and gave her a small nod and as I took a seat next to her. Her nice scent filled my nose immediately, and I couldn’t press down that strange feeling inside of me.

I settled myself to start reading the book with her when I noticed she had curled to a ball, shivering so I quickly took off my jacket and placed it around her shoulders not wanting her to be cold. "Thank you" she smiled with pink cheeks, and her eyes twinkled, and for a moment I felt myself go weak to the sight.

"It's quite big" I said sheepishly, noticing it covered half of her body even though she looked so adorable and very huggable. In response she looked down, avoiding my eyes shyly. "I like over sized clothes. It’s very comfy" she told me with bright red cheeks this time. I felt my own cheeks burn at her words for some reason which made me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

For the rest of the night, Y/N continued reading the book, while I tried to but just couldn't. My eyes were drawn to look at her. There just was something about Y/N that kept pulling me towards her.

She wasn't the kind of pretty that you didn't really notice at first but once you saw her in the middle of the night with messy hair and tired eyes and tears dancing across her cheeks and dripping onto her mouth you want nothing more than to kiss them away.

Time skip to morning

I woke up the next day to have myself nicely tucked into bed. "Sleeping beauty is finally awake" a tall figure yelled and I rubbed my eyes sleepily to see Minho with a smug grin on his face. I groaned before stretching my arms lazily and sitting up on the bed for a few seconds, being dazed.

My thoughts were blank, clouded and unclear, all except for Y/N. Her name was the only thing echoing in my head and the only thing I could sense was her; her smell, feeling her, seeing her, hearing her…. and so on. Y/N was all I could concentrate on, all I could think about.

"Breakfast is almost over" I heard Gally's gruff voice echo in my ears waking me up immediately. "What?" I snapped, "why didn't no one tell me?" I asked jumping off the bed and rummaging through my stuff to find clean clothes.

"Well, we would have but it was more fun to watch you sleep talk about, what was her name again?" Minho looked confusedly at Alby. "Y/N" he confirmed with a smirk. "Oh wait or was it my sweet darling Y/N" Frypan piped in and I mumbled a 'bloody hell' under my breath before running to the bathroom.

"So what exactly happened?" Alby asked with a serious tone while walking towards the cafeteria but a smile soon broke free on his face as I explained the events of yesterday. "You bloody shank" Minho laughed out loud, "after so many times of gawking at her from afar. Finally" and Gally let out a hearty chuckle too, "I can't wait to meet her Newt".

"She is very, very shy. Please don't scare her" I begged and they nodded in agreement sending a wave of reassurance through me. "We just want to get to know her Newt, since I'm sure we will be seeing her around more often now" Alby patted my shoulder with a comforting smile.

Once we walked to the cafeteria, I grabbed my breakfast plate quickly and scanned over for Y/N till I spotted her lazily poking her food.I couldn't even begin to explain how good it feels to look up across a room and see her.

"Good morning" I smiled, once I found my way there and she turned around, giving me the chance to look up into her beautiful pair of eyes. Instantly I could feel my knees weaken, my thoughts spinning wildly and a goofy grin instantly made its way across my face.

"Good morning Newt" she greeted cheerfully, with that dazzling smile again. "May I join you?" I asked politely and she nodded with a grin and I couldn’t help but to look in her eyes, getting lost in the way they drew me in and sparkled with happiness of finally having time to hang out again.

"What time did you leave last night ?" I asked while eating, wanting to hear her talk some more. "After you fell asleep on my shoulder" she told me and I could feel my face turning red, burning with embarrassment. Then she started to giggle, taking me by suprise.

"What?" I stammered wondering what more I could have done but she just shook her head in refusal. "Tell me please" my bottom lip began to poke out almost playfully to pout at her. "You snore quite a lot" she confessed, joy bubbling up in her eyes, "I thought there was a pig".

"Oh now I am a pig, Y/N" I rolling my eyes, grinning foolishly to cover up my embarrassed mood. "No no I meant you sound like a pig" she let out a soft chuckle and I couldn't help but break into a big beam myself. Her voice was a beautiful sound. A beautiful noise.

"So this is Y/N" a familiar voice stopped our conversation when Minho, Alby, Frypan and Gally joined us. "Y/N, these are my friends" I pointed as they sat down on the bench opposite to us except Alby who seated himself next to me.

"Hi" she said timidly, and I could see that she was new to this all and could sense her venerability and nervousness so I gently placed mine on top of her hand and nodded comfortingly with a smile, helping her feel less afraid.

A small smile settled on my face as I watched my friends make conversation with her, to which she listened quietly or answered shortly but the guys were amused by her speaking and continued quite excitedly. It was just so heart-warming to see her not alone. Never am I letting that happen ever again.

I sat in silence, not being able to process anything else around me. My eyes and mind were fixated on Y/N. Maybe it was her laugh, or her eyes, or her smile. It could've been her hair, or her voice, or her personality but it made me too lost in my thoughts and I got so caught up in staring at her and I think for the first time in a really long time I understand what it's like to never want to look away.

"Newt, are you alright ?" Alby asked me with a slight shove but I couldn't even break my gaze. She was laughing, for the first time I've seen, and she turned her head towards me at that moment and smiled more and laughed again and bloody hell it was the cutest thing ever. Before I knew it a 'yes' escaped my lips and a sudden warm feeling spread through my heart. My stomach turned and twisted, butterflies tickling the walls. I felt love-sick.

Each day Y/N and I got closer in no time - as close as best friends, even. We talked about our lives just lying next to each other, and she sometimes stayed late to cuddle me or even to read one of her books together. I loved spending time with her and even enjoyed watching while she did something by herself. I’d do anything just to be with her.

Y/N is my aesthetic – I receive so much happiness from looking at her. Just looking is enough. The way her eyes always sparkle and her cheeks redden a little at a time was enough to make me melt. If I could, I would have watched her forever.

Y/N had something so rare and so special, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. When she walks in it feels like I found calmness in myself, as if she could hush my mind just by being with me. To be close to her made me feel so loved.

I had never felt these feelings before but now I just couldn't control myself anymore. It's so hard to be around her and not say all the things I want her to hear, to act casual but all I can seem to do is gawk at her with a silly smile on my face while falling in love with every little inch of her mind, body and soul.

The more I fell, the more I noticed how imperfect she was. But all those flaws of her added up to a perfection I couldn’t help but to admire and cherish with me. True moments that hold no mask over us, that is purely us, no embarrassment, no shyness is what made me fall so in love with the real Y/N.

I'm in love with her bed head, yawns and sleepy eyes. Her different looks where she's concentrating, or she's teasing or my favourite when she's shy with her glowing cheeks. I love the way the wind blows her hair, the way her smile turns to a laugh or when she blushes cutely when she stumbles over a sentence because she can't stop laughing about it.

I love her in ways she has never been loved, for reasons she's never been told, for longer than she thinks she deserves and with more than she will ever know existed inside me and all I want is to make her so incredibly happy because she deserves it. I want her to be happy because it makes me happy to see her the way she was meant to be.

---

I woke up in the middle of the night with a gasp, drowning myself with uneasy thoughts about my past, my family and my sister who was taken away from me to a seperate WCKD facility. My memories kept haunting me endlessly so I couldn't bring myself to sleep again.

After restlessly moving on the bed for a while, I decided to do something to clear my mind. I reached down under my bed and took out the book I’ve kept hidden in a box along with a pen and started writing about my day with Y/N, and the new things I got to know about her in the time we spend together.

When I think about Y/N, things start flowing from the tips of my fingers. She can make my emotions flow, she can break through the walls I’ve built up all around me years ago.

When I am by myself, I wondered if she was thinking about me. Y/N is always so kind to me and listened so carefully when I told her something, like I was the only thing in the world. It’s undefinable, but it makes me feel so incredibly special and close to her, even though she just sees me as her friend through those beautiful pair of eyes I fell for such a long time ago.

I was busy with my wonderful thoughts to notice the moving figure above me. Suddenly, my book was grabbed from the top bunk. I yelped waking everyone in the process and ended up being too late to come back to my senses to realise Minho had already read the opened page and passed it down to to Fry and Gally who were peeping in while Alby was in deep thought reading it.

"Minho" I fumed with a death glare. He grinned in return, climbing down and I quickly shut the box not wanting him to take anymore. "Don't worry Newt" he said coolly, "we already got to know what we wanted to". I raised an eye brow and looked over at him confusedly, "and what's that?".

"You love her don't you?" Alby broke the tension, making me glance at him, feeling extremely venerable and embarrassed. It was stupid of me to think that she thought the same way about me, let alone feel like I did and now they all knew about it but I knew lying won't make a difference in trying to hide the fact that she stole my heart.

"Yes" I said in a whisper, and sat down trying to hold back the tears burning my eyes. I heard shuffling of footsteps getting closer and was consumed by a warm embrace. "Are you sure ?" I heard Minho's muffled voice and I nodded, my sniffles turning into sobs.

"How do you know ?" I heard Frypan then ask, taking a seat next to me only to be hugged making me feel better which was followed by Gally and Alby too and I suddenly started crying and hiccupping, all my emotions just rolling out of me without control.

"Cause seeing her smile is the only thing I ever want to see, even if it's not because of me" I whispered softly, trying to push down the emotional pain but my heart was aching so much with every beat of my love for her.

Time skip to a few days

Y/N's P.O.V

I sneaked over to Newt's room and knocked on the door to hear a loud thud followed by a high-pitched 'ow' before it flew wide open. "There's my favourite girl" a beaming Minho engulfed me with a bear hug.

"It's a bit messy" he said, pulling me in and gestured to the room which was a wreck. "I was looking for my other sock" he mumbled and I couldn’t help but to chuckle, "did you find it?”. He nodded proudly and held it out a pair of pink socks with red hearts I'm sure the boys drew on it. It made me burst out in a massive fit of giggles.

I tried to regain my breath from laughing so hard to see a huge grin on Minho's face. “Sorry. I didn't mean to” I said as my shyness returned. “You don't have to be, that was the first time I’ve seen you being completely comfortable with me” he smiled, “and you have a really beautiful laugh” he adds causing me to stare down again.

"Just like Newt said" I heard him say more to himself but my heart exploded, butterflies taking over at his words. "You know Newt is really happy around you. Happiest I've ever seen" he continued, putting on his shoes, thankfully unaware of the blushing mess I was.

"Alright now, I gotta go she-bean. Newt will be back soon" Minho let out a groan and stood up. “Have fun” he said with a wink, engulfing me in another hug before leaving, then coming back again only to say “not too much fun” before scrambling away leaving me with a dreamy smile.

Minho, Alby, Gally and Frypan have also been amazing friends to me from the beginning, ever since Newt and it was just so wonderful to be around them, laughing and talking and not be treated as a second option or a third wheel.

Nobody has ever showed me an opportunity to become friends or an invitation to hang out. I became the nobody of the room, as if nobody could see me; they all avoided me. Well, everyone except Newt.

That day when we met, he sat down with me with this warm smile, and I was shocked to say the least to have someone actually sit next to me and look into my eyes and not run away.

It was difficult in the beginning being friends, because I couldn’t get myself to trust him so quickly. I feared to show him the real me that I will be too real for him, too hard for him, too much of everything for him and never enough.

But then he was looking at me in a way no one had ever had. My hands were shaking as I explained my knotted past. I will not be easy to hold on to, for my heart is scattered with thorns. Some nights I will be quiet and he won’t know how to pull me from my weeded mind. Some nights I’ll forget what he sees in me and lose my balance. Some nights I’ll trip on my own feet and apologise for the mess I made. On those nights the one thing that will drag me out of own labyrinth is that look. No one has ever looked at me like that.

He ran his hands over my past - lingering over my dents and word edges of my heart. And when I thought he’d run away like the others had...he told me I was a warrior and that I’d never fight another battle alone.

When I finally broke through that barrier and trusted Newt, we grew extremely close. And even since he opened his heart and let me in, I've never left either. The constant need of wanting to be with him drove me crazy and left me crying for his attention and his kind of love I started to get addicted to.

Love isn’t meant to be complicated. It’s the little things that make you fall in love with someone. For me, it’s the way Newt compliments my smile that makes my smile even brighter, the way he calls my name in the hallway that gives me butterflies. It’s the chills he gives me when his hand touches mine. But most importantly, it’s the way he makes me fall in love with him over and over again every single day.

Falling in love with Newt was like coming to a place I didn't realise I'd been missing all my life.

I let out a soft sigh and started to put some stuff lying on the floor back to their original places. I've been here so often it's like I live here so I basically know where everything is supposed to be.

While I was busy arranging I knocked my foot on an object poking from under Newt's bed. I crouched down to push it back in when I noticed it was half-opened and my attention caught the many items it was overflowing with.

Curiously, I pulled it out and opened it fully to find it filled with so many things - all that belonged to me. Hair bands I thought I lost, a pencil he once borrowed, some papers with doodles I scribbled when bored, a bracelet I made him once and so much more and then there was this book placed at the bottom.

I wanted to know so badly what was held within the pages that before I could stop myself, I was reaching to take it out. I carefully flipped it open, only to do a double take when I read the first page.

Swallowing, I flicked through a few pages more, eyes growing wider with each word I read. There were…lists, collections about my favourite things, small, minuscule details about me. He had gone through so much of time and effort and had paid attention to every detail, every sentence I’d spoken.

I was so worked up in looking through everything I didn't notice the door flung open to a wide eyed Newt frozen in shock. I dropped the book from my hands and stood up quickly, terrified. He eyed me up and down, a few times, before coming inside and walking towards me without a single word.

"I'm sorry" I mumbled and looked down, feeling extremely ashamed of myself. "I’m so sorry" I sighed, heading towards the door. I destroyed our whole night of hanging out together and it probably destroyed even more. I destroyed our whole friendship, all because I couldn’t control my feelings.

"Where are you going? Don’t leave" Newt’s voice was suddenly heard from behind me, halting me in my tracks. With tears burning in my eyes I rotated. I wanted nothing more than to hide somewhere he wouldn’t find me to cry and scold myself for letting it get this far.

"Please don’t leave me. I love you" Newt whispered with saddening eyes and looked up at me, eyes finding my own. The air seemed to be knocked out of my lungs, and all I could do was stand frozen. Breathing was impossible.

Almost silently, he then approached me, his eyes which showed me the world kindly looking into mine until he was close enough to wrap his arms around me, preventing me from leaving or even moving. I wrapped my arms around his body and pressed myself up against him while he held me for dear life while caressing my head gently with the palm of his hand. I cuddled in to his chest, feeling tears starting to trickle down my cheeks.

Newt's P.O.V

She let out a sniffle, hanging her head low, refusing to look at me. I brushed my hand through her hair and peppered a few kisses on her head, trying to pull her in more and more, clinging to her like these were the last seconds I’d have with her cause I was afraid that she might run away and there was nothing more I loved than to hold her. It was the best feeling to be in her arms where I feel safe.

After a few minutes of standing in our own little bubble, I felt one of her hands resting on my chest move only to reach down to take something out of the box. “Oh no” I said, and threw it back inside instantly which made her look at me with such pure eyes filled with tears, “I am keeping everything. Including you”.

A smile that reached both Y/N’s eyes appeared on her face as she continued to look at me in complete silence, as if we were talking with our eyes while our mouths were shut tight. Her eyes were shining but this time there was a different emotion in them, something so pulling.

"Newt.." I heard her sweet voice mumble, almost inaudible, but I still sensed her words. "Yes, darling?" I smiled and pressed a kiss on her tiny nose and then nuzzled it with my own, making her grin, which made my heart beat louder.

"I-I know I'm not pretty" she whispered airily, voice trembling a little from all the emotions. "I'm clumsy and messy and I'm sure there's tons of girls better than me but I love you and I promise you that even though I'm not the best I will love you with all my heart".

My breath hitched in my throat, cheeks starting to burn as I stood speechless, unable to suppress my ever growing smile anymore as she melted every inch of me. It was a feeling I hadn’t felt in a long time – the feeling of love. Now that Y/N gave me that all at once, I felt a little taken aback. But it felt amazing, it felt soothing. I could hear it in the silence: her love for me. And I bet she could, too.

A few more tears rolled down her puffed cheeks and she hid her face again to dry them but I placed my fingers underneath her chin and slowly lifted her head back up. "I think you look really beautiful when you cry".

"Sweetheart, don't you ever degrade yourself like that ever again" I said to her, my voice almost a whisper as I cupped her beautiful face firmly, yet gently, in my hands and brushed my fingers over her skin as I wiped the trickling tears away. "Newt, I'm a mess" she let out a soft sob and allowed me to dry her beautiful, round cheeks, "being with me is like playing with fire".

"Then I’m more than willing to take the risk of burning myself" I said truthfully. Her eyes grew in shock for a few seconds, giving me the impression that I could see right into her, to find the emotions she has been hiding, the secrets she has been burying, to see what went through her.

"Darling" I whispered, ever so gently, as I caressed her cheek with the back of my fingers, feeling her soft skin,"all that you are is all that I'll ever need".

“You got the arms I want to be wrapped in. You have got the eyes I want to get lost in. You have got the smile I can never resist. You have got the voice I want to listen to for hours” I told her, and could feel my bottom lip quivering a little, as I kept talking. “I didn’t just fall in love with you, Y/N. I walked into love with you, with my eyes wide open to take every step along the way with you because I want you and only you. No one else makes sense".

“Y/N, my love” I hushed, my trembling hands finding hers, to internwine our fingers like I wanted to and it fitted in mine so perfectly like I always thought it would. “I promise you” I kissed each of her knuckles lovingly, “that every time you get lost in the light, I will sit with you in the dark, over and over again”.

"So please, my darling, will you be my mess ?" I whispered, and cuddled her in feeling her relaxing to the warmth of my body and the beating of my heart. I felt her radiating heat, leaving her cheeks glowing as her next words softly escaped her lips I’ve been craving to kiss for so long now. "I wouldn't want my heart to be anywhere else, Newt".

I could feel the happiness blooming inside me, when I drew away from her only to have a little fingers brushing over my cheeks to wipe the tears that had started falling. Her touch felt like liquid gold to me.

"You know sometimes I'm afraid of you" Y/N mumbled softly and looked at me with her eyes clouded with love, which took me aback because I had never seen these emotions so intense, "I tell you things I don't even tell myself".

"And I'm in love with all those little things because it’s you they add up to" I whispered and a beautiful smile appeared on her face, cheeks glowing brightly making her look breath-taking as always, she had a beauty I couldn’t resist.

The more I stared into her eyes as she dried my cheeks, the closer I grew to her. “I want to kiss you” I blurted, and felt my cheeks go red in embarrassment. It shot out of my mouth before I could stop it but I couldn’t help myself.

I look at her and I want to kiss her. More than anything - I just want a kiss. A kiss to tell me that she trusts her lips against mine. A kiss to prove to me that I can still see the world with my eyes closed. A kiss to remind me that actions truly do speak louder than words. I look at her and I just want to kiss her.

“Then why don’t you?” Y/N murmurmed with brightly coloured cheeks, shifting her beautiful pair of eyes from mine to my lips and back, growing closer and closer. “The problem is” I said as I leaned in slowly, my lips slightly parting already, “if I kissed you, I don’t think I’d be able to stop”.

My heart started beating louder and harder, thumping in my chest, when she leaned in more, her lips dangerously close to mine and whispered “then don’t”.

I didn’t need to hear her say that twice as I immediately cupped her face in my hands and leaned to the side and pressed our lips together right on the spot for the kiss I've been yearning for all along. And as soon as I felt her lips on mine, everything around me disappeared; it was just Y/N and I.

I felt her arms slip around my neck as I hummed in delight to the touch of her soft lips against mine, kissing me so carefully, as we showed each other our affection in the softest way. We were entirely in our own little world as we stood there in what seemed like ever lasting hug.

After a few minutes of kissing silently and lovingly, we pulled back and rested our foreheads together, standing intertwined, letting our heartbeats match.

We looked at each other and we smiled, that smile like a secret we shared because we both knew we've found what the whole world is searching for.

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alwaysaglader · 6 years

Text

My Little Koala Bear

Newt's P.O.V

"Here darling, I got you some warm soup" I smiled coming into the room and shutting the door quietly. "Thank you" a voice squeaked as I grinned by myself and pulled down the bundle of blankets to see my angel on the bed, smiling with a nose as red as a tomato. "There you are".

A sudden flu spread around the glade, infecting every glader, including Jeff and Clint so Y/N being the only med-jack left, took good care of everyone alone till they were back on their feet. Then not until a few days ago did she wake up to a fever, so I resumed my duties to take care of her, after getting permission from Alby who gladly gave me time off cause if it weren't for Y/N to take care of us before we would still be groaning in bed.

"Will you come cuddle now?" she whispered, with big puppy eyes, begging me to come back in bed. "Alrighty, love, alrighty" I nodded, sitting down next to her so she could cuddle and eat at the same time. "Let me guess" I grinned knowingly "you want me to feed you ?". She blushed and nodded, her red cheeks from the fever even redder than they already were.

"Will you ?" she pouted and I nodded with a wide grin. I took hold on the spoon, dipped it into the soup and made sure to blow a little so the sips wouldn’t be too hot. Y/N opened her mouth every time I brought the spoon to her lips and gently ate. She rested her head against my shoulder as I held her close, and fed her the yummy soup I made with Frypan to get her stomach to calm down.

I love to baby Y/N all the time and Y/N likes to be babied a lot every now and then, especially when she is sick. I love nurturing her and taking care of her and sometimes, when she feels like getting more attention and affection than normal, she makes grabby hands at me with her dazzling smile which got me attracting to her like a magnet. Or sometimes she just lies on top of me preventing me from leaving which usually ends up with me carrying her everywhere, cause I never want to leave her either. Ever.

Y/N had always been someone I couldn’t stay away from; an hour is all it takes for me to miss her. And to have her into my arms right now, breathing slowly and maybe half asleep made me feel so happy and so bloody lucky.

"You take such good care of me, Newt" Y/N smiled, looking back up at me with her sweet eyes, once she took the last sip from the spoon and nodded, lying back against me. I kissed her forehead before I placed the bowl on the bed side table and grabbed a washing cloth from another bowl that contained cold water, soaking it and placing it on her forehead. "There we go, sweetheart".

Time skip to evening

I went down to the kitchen to grab Y/N's plate of dinner Fry kept for her before he went over to the bonfire for this month's greenie. Y/N was too sick to attend it so obviously I wasn't going to go either. I never wanted to go anywhere without Y/N. Just a matter of few seconds away from her feels like a lifetime to me and before I know it I'm running around the glade looking for her like crazy.

I would just like to be where she is. Just right beside her, in all conceivable and inconceivable places. Just with my angel. My only angel.

I always crave Y/N. Like I need to feel her skin against me. I need to feel her warmth. I need to kiss her neck and smell her scent at the same time. I need to run my fingers though her hair. I need to lay my head on her chest and hear her heart beat. I need to intertwine my fingers with hers and I need to kiss her all over.

A goofy grin made its way across my face as I collected the plates and was about to leave when I saw Chuck coming running to me, shouting and pointing to our room. As soon as I heard, I let go of everything and ran to the bedroom, where I found Y/N throwing up on the bed’s sheets. She looked pale and struggling to breathe. “Y/N!!” I gasped and grabbed a hold on her, taking her to the bathroom quickly.

Sobbing, she continued throwing up as I collected her hair and made a ponytail with my hand to keep it from falling into her face. “Easy, sweetheart” I hushed, rubbing her back, as she continued to puke everything she had left to get out of her stomach. To see her like this hurt me a lot.

When she was done and had nothing left, I reached for the button to flush. I then wiped her mouth with a piece of toilet paper. “I've got you” I said and helped her stand before slowly releasing her hair. "I’ll change the bed. Don't you worry about it" I murmured, wrapping my arms around her to which she relaxed completely and grew boneless against my chest.

After she calmed down, I guided her to the bathroom sink, where she found her toothbrush while I went to change the bed so she could crawl back in clean. I moved to the bedroom and peeled the dirty blankets off. Quickly, so I wouldn’t spill anything on the ground, I hurried to the bathroom and threw everything straight into the washer so I could do the laundry later.

I then slowly seated her on the bathroom sink once I re-made the bed and came back to see her leaning on to the wall weakly. She mumbled a 'thank you' with a small apologetic smile. "You have nothing to thank me for, darling" I cupped her flushed cheek and stroked it gently, "it's my duty to take care of you, my little one".

"I feel tiny when you call me little one" Y/N pouted with a small, foolish grin on her face "and the fact that you are way taller than me". Smiling to myself, I kissed her forehead lovingly, "trust me there is an advantage in that".

"What ?" she tilted her head in confusion as I chuckled, pulling her into a warm embrace and she snuggled into me, placing her head on my chest. "When I hug you, you can listen to my heart which beats only for you" I whispered and watched Y/N pull back and smiled sweetly and grew closer, probably wanting to kiss me but didn’t because she didn’t want me to get sick.

Instead, she pressed a kiss on the tip but I wouldn't have it, I don't care how sick I would get, it was definitely worth it so I inched forward and kissed her lips gently, taking her a little by surprise. But once she got used to it, she gently kissed me back. It felt so good to feel her lips pressed against mine, and to feel her so close.

“I love you, Newtie” she whispered against my lips, falling silent right after. “I love you too, baby girl” I told her and peppered kisses on her head, and she nestled herself against me as I hummed and combed through her hair, freeing it from tangles.

"I want to take a bath" she muttered softly, clutching her stomach a little. "Of course darling" I whispered and pressed a kiss on her head as she let go of me so I could start the shower and make sure the water is warm.

"Come here, sweetheart. Let me undress you" I hummed and pulled her shirt soaked with sweat and next was her pants that I removed, leaving her naked as I went to discard them onto the laundry pile.

"It's bath time" I beamed and helped Y/N stand under the shower and she sighed to the warm water surrounding her body as I released her and then undressed myself, getting in behind and wrapping my arms around her.

We stood for a few minutes soaking in the warm water, before I grabbed the shampoo and washed her hair, massaging his scalp very carefully and then I began to rub all the salty sweat off, washing her soft body, often smothering her with many kisses.

When we were both washed clean, I got out to grab some fluffy towels, wrapping myself in one and securely wrapping one around her till I could find some comfy clothes for the both of us.

Once we got to the room, I helped Y/N onto the bed and loosened the towel, rubbing it all over to dry as much as I could. I ordered Y/N to raise her arms and listened to her giggle every time I did so and then helped her to her favourite hoodie of mine and a pair of pants before dressing myself.

"Sleepy" Y/N muttered, rubbing her eyes with a yawn. "Cuddles?" she pouted, with opened arms. I smiled at her, my heart fluttering at her adorableness as I crawled back in, moving into her arms and she quickly placed her head on my chest, sighing happily. Grinning, I brushed my hand over her hair, enjoying our cuddle with little kisses and sweet talk.

As we continued to lie there, cuddling underneath the duvet we both shared, Y/N wrapped both of her legs around one of mine, clinging to it then started tugging at my hoodie, hinting at me to take it off.

“Slow down love” I chuckled, shaking my head as I quickly took it off and threw it away. She snuggled even closer into my chest, arms wrapped around my waist to stay closed and cuddled in. “You know I should just walk around shirtless” I smirked with a wink making her cheeks turn pink.

“I would be clinging to you all day” she giggled, nuzzling our noses together. “I would love that” I grinned and pressed a kiss on the tip of his nose, what made a beautiful smile break free on her flawless face for a second before it vanished.

“Really?” she scrunched her nose, nervousness settled in her eyes, “you don’t think I’m too clingy?” she mumbled, faking a smile to cover up the frown but what she didn’t know was that I had already seen it. “Bloody hell Y/N!!” I shrieked with widened eyes “don’t even bugging think of it”.

“But..” she faltered and I stopped her then and there. “No love, no ‘buts’" I said, and smiled before cuddling closer, sharing a sweet kiss. "You cling onto me, I will carry you everywhere like a koala bear” I whispered and pressed a loving kiss on her head.

"My koala bear” I murmured, to see her already falling asleep to the feeling of my body pressed up against hers, the beating of my heart and my hand brushing through her hair. She looked like a little angel resting on me, so beautiful, so breath-taking.

"Your koala bear" I heard a childish giggle before I felt her press a kiss on my chest. My eyes fell closed to the touch and I could feel myself drifting off to the rhythm of her heartbeat as I cuddled myself deeper while she pulled me in.

The safety that she provided by keeping me into her arms, all shielded from the outside world, began to lull me to sleep, like a little lullaby.

And that is the one and only thing I want for every single day of my life. Just to lay next to her and listen to the beat of her heart. I just want to close my eyes and fall asleep in her arms. I just want to feel her and forget the world.

Cause with Y/N I am home. I see nothing worse than to be without her because with her my soul feels complete, she is the other half of me and I love her with all of my heart, body, and soul. She is my home no matter where that is.

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alwaysaglader · 6 years

Text

Can I Keep You Forever ?

Newt's P.O.V

"Morning Fry" I greeted happily as I walked over to collect my breakfast plate. "Morning Newt" he smiled, flipping over some strips of bacon on the stove. "Where's Y/N?" he asked and I looked at him confused then over at the tables where everyone was gathered. "I dropped her right at the table before Alby called me" I pointed with a frown."Newt, I'm worried about her. I hardly see her in the kitchen anymore. I even made her favourite today" he sighed, grabbing a plate next to the stove and handing it over. "Thanks Fry" I smiled and patted his shoulder "I'll make sure she eats". He smiled widely "thanks man".

I walked around the glade looking for Y/N until I saw her in the Med-jacks hut re-arranging some supplies. "Y/N?" I called, knocking and peeping in and she turned around with her dazzling smile. "Newt, what are you doing here ?".

"You didn't eat so I bought your breakfast here" I said quietly, coming inside and shutting the door. “Thanks. You can set it over there" she pointed to an empty table but I knew better than that. She wasn't going to eat again which I noticed is happening quite often but I wasn't going to let that continue this time.

I sat on one of the beds and patted the spot next to me. She looked over at me confused and took a seat. "Alright now open up" I said and held the spoon near her mouth. "Newt I'm not hungry" she pushed the spoon away with a pout. "Please Y/N" I begged with the big puppy eyes which I know she can't resist.

"Just a little bit" she mumbled with a sigh and opened up. I smiled warmly and scooted closer and started feeding her mouthful every time. I would often wipe some drooled over her lip and she would kiss my finger making my heart skip a beat each time.

"Darling I've gotta go to work now before Alby has my head" I chuckled, once the plate was fully empty. "Meet at lunch ? I asked, standing up lazily, really not wanting to leave her at all. “You're gonna eat with me right darling?" I asked, wanting to make sure she will be there without skipping yet another meal.

"Yes" she nodded and kissed my cheek. "Good that sweetheart" I hummed and nuzzled our noses and walked towards the door opening it only to see a boy with a big gash in his hand as he pushed past me. And it wasn't just anyone...

A gang of boys, mostly the new arrivals started hitting on Y/N cruelly. She ignored them every time and turned them down without being rude, but that turned to anger all those boys so instead they started bullying her in return.

When I found out I tried fighting but Y/N stopped me every time because she didn't want me getting hurt at any cost and no one to get harmed so I promised her I would stop if they won’t try hurting her anymore and for now as she told me, the bullying seemed to have died out so I didn’t try to bring it up again.

I know Y/N can handle herself perfectly. She is strong both emotionally and physically and I am so bloody proud of her more than I could ever say but my extreme overprotective nature over her makes me defend her every time something tries to wipe off her smile from her face even for a mere second even though I know she has the strength of all us shanks combined.

She doesn't need anyone to help her stand strong. She does that all by herself. She is her own hero and I respect her with all my heart. Y/N has never seemed shattered; to me she was a breathtaking mosaic of the battles she's won. It was her chaos that made her beautiful.

"Morning Newt" I heard a voice quip behind me breaking my murderous gaze at the boy. "Morning Jeff" I shifted my gaze and forced a smile, tilting my head towards the boy who Y/N had started tending to, regardless from the fact that he bullied her. She has a heart of gold, no one could ever compare to.

"Don't worry Newt. Me and Clint will be here" Jeff assured, patting my shoulder. "He tries anything and I'll just amputate him" Clint chuckled and made his way in. "Thank guys" I smiled gratefully and walked over to Y/N and waited till she was done with the treatment then pulled her to my arms.

"Y/N if anyone touches you scream. Anytime. I'll be ready to kill for you. No one can touch my baby girl except for me" I said, looking deep into her eyes to make sure she understood every word. In response, she reached up on her tippy toes and kissed my lips deeply.

When our lips were locked, moving gently, I could feel my head spinning, my emotions encircling me like a tornado. I could feel myself losing senses, with feeling a little dizzy and leaving me as a blushing mess.

When we pulled apart, I looked at her awe struck making her smile shyly. "Get to work now" she giggled. "I am going to have a hard time doing that now, love" I winked and pressed a quick kiss to her cheek before running off.

Time skip to evening

Minho's P.O.V

I jogged straight to the med-jacks hut after a tiring day in the maze. "Hey Minho" Clint waved coming over to me. "Hey" I waved and sat on one of the beds taking off my shoe to show my swollen foot.

"Where's Y/N?" I asked, looking around confusedly. She is usually here for me to chase her around when I try to hug her with me being all sweaty. "She finished off her shift early for today. Newt probably has her all cuddled up" he laughed shaking his head with a smile.

"Well I gotta disturb them" I chuckled, and waved my stinky shoe in the air and Clint swatted it away disgusted. "My shoe broke" I sighed, "gotta borrow Newt's running shoes. Hope he still has them".

After my treatment I walked over to the Homestead and knocked on the door to their room but there was no response or sound. I tried again and again but then peeped in to see Y/N sitting on the bed alone, her back facing the door.

"Hey Y/N what’s wrong?" I asked coming in to hear her soft sniffles. "Nothing" she whimpered looking away. "That was very convincing" I chuckled lightly, sitting next to her. "C'mon speak up its me" I tried again but she wouldn't even show herself to me. I hated seeing her hurt more than I hated going into the maze everyday.

"Was it those shuck-faces again ?" I asked in anger. She sniffled softly, and slowly lifted her head, uncurling herself and all I could do was gasp, my face turning pale at what I saw. "Y/N...." I faltered, bringing my shaking hands to place on her bloodied and bruised ones. "Y/N please let me punch the living daylight out of them" I fumed but she shook her head. "No Minho. Please. It's just..." she choked out in a whimper and I quickly wrapped my arms around her securely and rubbed her back to calm her down "tell me what happened".

"After I finished my duty I was on my way for a shower and then they gathered around me. I ignored them as usual regardless of how much they said about me being worthless, ugly and how Newt would leave me for someone else" she cried, tears dripping down her cheeks, "but then they started insulting Newt suddenly and I-I- just lost it there and I fought them Minho. I couldn't control myself. No one can hurt someone I love and get away with it".

"That's it I'm gonna kill them" I said frustrated and angry. "No Minho. Please. I'm not worth fighting for" she mumbled sadly and that got the anger boiling in me even more. "What?! Why would you even say that!! YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD" I exclaimed and almost started crying as a feeling of absolute cold shot through me, making me shiver.

I sighed and took a deep breath to calm myself. "She-bean" I held her shoulders and made her look directly into my eyes. "I would walk through fire for you" I said truthfully, wrapping my arms around again, holding her tightly, never wanting to let go. "You may not have been born as my sister, but you're gonna die that way" I sniffled, feeling my eyes burn brightly with tears too.

Once we both calmed down from that emotional moment I pulled back and playfully teased her a little. "Well, I wouldn't exactly walk through fire, that would be dangerous" I grinned cheekily, "but a super humid room...but not too humid because you know my hair" I smirked and flipped my hair and her laughter echoed through the room warming my heart with happiness.

"You feeling better now?" I smiled, stroking her head. "Yeah.." she faltered and nervously bit her lip holding back some more and I raised my eye brow intently knowing she can't resist my glare.

"I'm so terrified of losing Newt" she confessed silently, "what if he grows tired of me? I'm not perfect...I'm awkward--"and I cupped my hand over her mouth stopping her immediately.

"Firstly, your weird is what Newt calls perfect" I said shaking her back and forth trying to get her away from her negative thoughts until she squealed at me to stop with a smile on her face. "And secondly, if what you two love birds have is real you'll know, you won't be confused about it".

"Are you confused ?" I asked, lifting her chin to look at me. "It's crystal clear" she whispered with a wide smile, her eyes glowing with the love she held for him which was way more than possible and even beyond. "Good that she-bean" I smiled widely and hugged her for a few moments before suddenly vibrating with laughter. "What?" she pulled back and laughed along.

"Remember what Newtie-cutie did when you couldn't sleep after that nightmare you had ?" I asked, tucking a loose piece of hair behind her ear. "He made up a bed time story because I couldn't sleep and it was one of the many sweetest things he had done to me" she giggled and blushed. "Y/N I swear that shank's heart literally beats only for you" I smiled and kissed her forehead reassuringly.

Newt's P.O.V

"You should've seen her Alby" I exclaimed, with a big goofy smile on my face "she looked so perfect today". He shook his head and chuckled at my love struck state. "Newt she has been your girl for years now and you are still awestruck as you were the first time” he shoved me and laughed along.

"Newt" someone tapped my shoulder from behind. "Hey Minho” I turned around. What's wrong?" I asked looking at his worried look. "It's Y/N" he said and the next thing I knew, I was running across the glade straight up to the Homestead to our room.

"Y/N, darling, are you here?" I asked out loud, but there was no answer. There was a sound in the bathroom, however, like small whimpers. "Y/N, are you in there?" I asked, and a small "yeah" erupted very softly.

"Can I come in, love?" I asked walking towards the door already. "Newt, I- " Y/N panicked when I opened the door and I noticed her sitting in the corner. She had curled up in a little ball, and only then, did I notice blood on the floor along with some bandages, sterile wipes and a bottle of alcohol.

"Y/N!" I gasped and ran over to her."Y/N, what happened?" I snivelled when I saw her all pushed into a corner, holding her bruised hands. It was still bleeding badly. "I- I just-" she choked out, but didn't come far before she started crying.

"Come here" I told just above a whisper and softly grabbed her wrists gently into my hand to hold her still while I dabbed the escaped the blood away to get things as clean as possible before I wrapped it in bandage.

"Shh, baby girl, it's alright" I hushed as she tried to keep herself from crying. Once I finished up taking care of her wounds I opened my arms for so she could crawl into them. Without saying anything, she crawled towards me and nuzzled deep into my chest. "Are you mad?" her little voice sounded.

"I'm not mad with you, my darling. I'm not" I hushed and kissed each of her wounds to make her feel better. "I'm here, my little one" I pressed a kiss on her lips, as in a gesture to reassure her, but soon after I didn't feel her kiss back.

"How can you love someone who's so messed up?" she mumbled. "I'm nothing but a bother. I'm a handful, Newt I don't even understand why you love me" she told me, and I pulled away from the snuggle, so I could look at her.

"You're a handful, yes. But, sweetheart, I've got two hands. Don't you worry about that, please" I whispered and cupped her face, drying her wet cheeks. Y/N's eyes showed me something I had never seen before – an emotion so rare, it just took me aback.

"Newt, if there was another girl would you really leave me ?" she asked, and my heart ached to have her so broken in my arms. It felt like I was desperately trying to hold her broken pieces together, but they were slowly slipping through my fingers.

"Y/N, why would even think of something like that?" I asked, my heart shattering to pieces at her words."You could do so much better than me. Someone prettier and someone...someone perfect for you..." she cried, draining tears. I could feel my own burning behind my eyes, at the same time squeezing my throat shut. "You are my perfect" I let out a whimper, as the tears started trickling down my cheeks "is this why you are trying to change yourself?".

“I wanted to improve myself so I forced myself to lose weight and try to look prettier and then th-they s-s-started calling me ugly, worthless. I-I…” Y/N told me, what caused more tears to pool in my eyes. My cries became heart felt pleas because she tortured herself painfully due to what people say about her.

Y/N is a plus-sized girl, a little bigger and plumper. Her hips are broad, her thighs are thick and she supports a little fat on her tummy. Her body has been an insecurity to her – a problem she wanted to get rid of. Y/N always saw herself as fat, as not attractive to others but in my eyes, she's beautiful and so feminine; roundly-shaped, curvy and sexy.

I love to hold her at night, to cuddle into her soft curves and to rest my head on her chubby tummy. I just adore her body, even though she thinks she is imperfect, fat even.

I lost track of how many times I caught her staring at her reflection with a sad face. I lost track of how many times I started crying when I saw her hating herself regardless of how many times I’ve told her how beautiful she is to me.

“They lied” I spat, hating the shuck-faces who made her life one living hell. “You’re not anything of what they described. You’re not fat, you’re so beautiful. You’re never ugly and worthless. Don't ever think of something like that” I continued, feeling a raging fire inside of me that could burn this place down. It hit a sensitive spot somewhere in my heart to see her hurt.

"Y/N, look at me..." I cried, my heart aching to see her like this, venerable, small and hurt. "Look at me please, my angel" I sobbed cupping her face and fixing her glossy eyes, full of tears on mine.

"My darling, when I say I'm yours I mean my heart belongs to you. I will never love anyone else. Ever" I said, trying my best to make her understand that I don’t mean any harm and that I have no intentions to make her even more traumatised in life. She has been broken enough, I do not have the heart to shatter those broken pieces, too.

"I only want you, Y/N. It will always be you. If I had the choice between you and a million other girls or anything else, I would choose you every single time" I explained silently, looking into her eyes where I noticed someone very venerable and afraid.

"No matter what you do I will never break up with you. I will never cheat. I will always be loyal and honest. If you thought differently, well you're wrong" I grabbed her face in my hands and pulled her closer to my own, just to press my lips on top of hers in need for her love. Y/N froze in shock for just a second before she caught up with me and kissed back.

"Because I am here and I love you and will always find a way to be your light even when I am at my darkest. There's nothing you can do to ever lose my love. You have to understand that these three words I say to you every day aren’t empty. I love you Y/N. I’m here to love you from head to toe. Always" my arms held her close to my chest, as if I wanted to protect her from the outside world and everyone else.

In complete silence, we sat there - rocking from side to side for a little bit, just hugging. My hands rubbing over her back soothing her completely. Y/N breathed calmly and slow, as if her mind had finally found peace. When she drew away from me, she gave me a small smile and I could still feel my tears burn brightly in my eyes.

"Shall we get you cleaned up?" I asked, stroking her head and she nodded. Slowly, I stood up with her in my arms, cradled her head into my chest, pressed my lips against her shoulder, and slowly walked back to the room and gently placed her on the bed. A small kiss was given on the tip of her nose before I went back to the bathroom and bought in a bowl of water and a cloth. "Darling I am going to undress you alright ?" I asked, and slowly started peeling off her clothes when she nodded in agreement.

"You’ve got a beautiful body’’ I complimented, when I saw her on the bed completely naked. "I don’t like myself. I don’t like looking at myself…’’ she mumbled with a broken voice. “Darling..." I kissed her forehead, "come here" I said lacing our fingers and pulling her back to my arms. "Do you know what I see when I see you ?" I whispered, inhaling her scent from her hair and cuddling her in, to which she relaxed completely and grew boneless against my chest.

“I see a beautiful, blooming, young woman who has fought many, many battles. I see a perfect and independent human being, who likes to take care of herself. I think she’s stronger than she thinks she is, with more potential than anybody else. I think she’s very special” I told her, and noticed the tears appearing in her eyes again.

"And I see my beautiful darling girlfriend, so incredibly kind and loving, so stunning, like a goddess... so perfect I cannot ever find the words" I peppered a few kisses all over her face and she began to blush, causing her to grow bright red.

"Sweetheart, I don't care if you swell up like a balloon becoming adorably chubby or shrink down you will always be absolutely gorgeous to me" I said honestly, my lips leaving kisses all over her body,"and don't try to argue with me. I've seen you with your mouth open while sleeping, drooling on my shirt and hair more messed than my life and that is the most beautiful sight I want to wake to for the rest of my life".

She looked down and smiled shyly, being her adorable self. "You are the perfect mixture of everything I have ever craved for" I smiled and pressed a kiss on the corner of her mouth. "You hear me sweetheart?".

"Yes" she whispered, biting her bottom lip to keep herself from smiling so wide. Our hands intertwined even more, and something told me they’d be locked for the rest of the time.

While I was nearly done, I asked her the question that’s been nagging me all this time. I just wanted to know if anything else is still hurting her. "Y/N, why didn't you tell me about this?" I asked in a quiet tone, not to startle her.

"I didn't want to burden you with my problems. I just tend to push people away when something is troubling me, its just how I am" she mumbled sadly, and that was the point I lost it again, as if everything was slipping through my fingers.

"Oh no no no. Hell no" my mouth pressed against her shoulder almost making my speech unclear. "There will be no pushing me away. You push me, I'll grab you pin you to wall. We're in this together" I pressed kisses on her hair and on her forehead. It hurts me so much to see her like this, mentally tangled with herself.

"I'm always here to hold your hand ok ? I will hold you through the storm and I won't even stop when the power comes back on. I love you ok?Just promise me to never do this to yourself again” I begged, holding her tightly against me.

“I won’t” she promised me, as she snuggled her face into my chest, growing comfortable in my arms. “I love you” Y/N suddenly whispered, causing my heart to do flips and jumps. It took so long before she first said those three words to me and she doesn’t say them without a reason. "I love you too, my angel".

After cleaning her up completely, I helped her into my favourite hoodie and a pair of baggy shorts. Then I stood behind her and gently started brushing her hair before starting to braid it, like I do everyday, just the way she loves it. It was one of the most precious moments for me in my day. I was always so excited to be alone and to show her how much I love her from the very depth of my heart.

Y/N gets adored and spoiled with attention all day when I’m with her. I study her. All her tendencies, likes, dislikes and body language. That way I can give her what she wants. I want to spoil her so much, yet didn’t she become a brat. And I loved that about her, she is so humble, so normal.

"Can we cuddle?" she asked softly, in just above a whisper once I was done. "Darling, you are my teddy bear. I just want to hold you every time" I smiled climbing on to bed, already wrapping my arms around her and nuzzling my nose to the crook of her neck making her giggle.

Her laughter warmed me in a way a jacket couldn't.

"Newt" her small sounded, once we cuddled up nice and well. I hummed in response and looked down at her. "You are such a blessing to me" she whispered, making my cheeks burn and happiness to bloom inside me as I shyly looked down before looking back into her eyes making them sparkle.

"Can I keep you forever ? she whispered, brushing her thumb over my cheek. "That's all I really want, love" I nuzzled our noses making her grin. "It's me for you" I smiled. "And you for me" she smiled back sweetly.

Now grinning myself, I placed my head back on the place where her heart is to listen to the familiar beating. She has such a caring heart, so pure and loving, it was one of the many reasons why I fell in love with her.

When I first met Y/N, she was everything I wanted to her to be, but over time, she showed herself and that's how I fell in love with her.

I fell in love with her soul before I even touched her skin.

I fell in love with her hopes and dreams, her messy morning hair, her sleepy voice, her scars and birth marks, her chubby curves in her lovely body, her jokes and sarcasm, her nose, ears, legs and arms and her perspective on things, everything she hates about herself and every inch of her body and mind.

I'm in love with her because she is my someone special. Sometimes she is immature, incredibly clumsy and goofy; but she is also talented, funny and unique in her own childish ways.

I may never be perfect for her but I will always imperfectly try to be.

Y/N was utterly unique. She always wanted something different, something more. Passion and romance, perhaps or maybe quiet conversations in a candlelit rooms or perhaps something as simple as not being second.

And to me, Y/N is and always will be the only one for me. No reservations or second thoughts. My heart does not have a fall back, no plan B or fail safe. It's Y/N or no one else.

I’d choose her in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I’d find her and I’d choose her.

Minho's P.O.V

"Alright I'm gonna go get another drink" I slurred and stood up from the log, wobbling a bit. It was the monthly bonfire today which started not long ago and I was already very, very drunk. "You want a drink too, peaches?" Newt tapped Y/N’s nose and she giggled "yup" with a soundly kiss pressed to his cheek to which he stared at her in a love struck gaze.

He looked at her the ways she needed to be looked at like the whole world could crumble and he wouldn’t blink.

“I'm going to find Fry" Y/N let out a lazy sigh and stood up as well, pulling Newt to his feet and the moment he was on his feet he wrapped his arms around her, showering her with kisses again and I quickly walked away with a secret smile on my face for my best friends cuteness which I never showed in front of them. It was more fun to fake a disgusted face and tease them even though those two together is quite a lovely sight to behold for all of us.

Even from far away, you could see it. They were drunk. But not from any type of beverage. They were drunk of each other. The way they laughed. The way they kept sneaking glances even though both knew the other one was looking too. The way they curled into each other with pure happiness. Even from far away, you could see it. They found each other utterly intoxicating.

I reached the table at the corner when I saw the new greenie for this month taking a drink himself. "Hey" I said but he was unresponsive and his eyes were fixed somewhere else. Or on someone else... Y/N. And I did not like that look on his face, it seemed to be as if he was devouring her with his eyes.

"She is a badass and cute as hell but I wouldn't touch her without asking" I said sternly, breaking his trance and he shuffled nervously on his spot. "Who's that?" he jabbed his finger weakly at Newt. "That is her boyfriend. You make a move on her and he will break your bloody neck and... so will I" I cracked my knuckles. "She is like my little sister. You hurt her and you are dead" I growled angrily ready to throw in a punch anytime.

"Believe me she ain't anything special" a gruff voice quipped in. I snapped around with my clenched fist ready to connect it with the person's face when an even angrier voice sounded, turning all the attention to a fuming Newt. "What did you say?!" he yelled, pushing that guy to the ground and throwing punches repeatedly until Gally and Ben held him back firmly, unabling him to move.

"Y/N is far beyond beautiful" he yelled, clenching his jaw in anger "she is enrapturing, captivating, ravishing, lovely, incredible, overwhelming, adorable, alluring, enticing and radiant. She's a stunner - she'll take your breath away before you even have a chance to speak. Her eyes constantly shine with joy even in the midst of pain or sadness. She's a fireball that I can barely handle but I can tell you wouldn't stand a chance. She has a mind that could tear yours to shred, considering the words you chose to describe her with".

He pulled himself away from the grip that held him down and walked towards all the bullies gathered close to the one lying on the floor with a bloodied face, growing pale with each step Newt took and also from the fact that we were all right behind Newt ready to fight anyone who dare say anything back.

No one hurts Y/N and gets away that easy. We all stand strong for her through hell, just like she does for each and everyone of us, no matter what. Whoever messes with one of us, messes with all of us.

"Don't ever degrade my girlfriend like that again. Respect her" Newt said pointing to each and every one and they nodded apologising shamefully, but then out of nowhere the bruised guy got up and threw in a punch for Newt, hitting him square on the face.

Newt's P.O.V

The crowd roared loudly. It was almost deafening to stand in the middle of people cheering out your name. My eyesight was a little blurry from the hit I had gotten already, and my lip was bleeding from the impact.

“Newt, you can do this!!” I heard Y/N's voice shouting in the crowd. “C’mon, Newt! You can do this!” her encouraging words really seemed to give me the new amount of energy to hit the life out of my opponent. With power streaming through my muscles, I swung my arm for a direct hit. My fist made contact with his cheek, but it was good enough to nearly knock him out.

He fell backwards because he lost his balance, which was my chance to finish this off. Completely focusing, I kept slamming my fist into his face until he stopped fighting back after some weak punches were thrown my way. The crowd when wild when they noticed I was about to win, but the only one I seemed to hear cheering was Y/N making me unstoppable.

I had the guy just where I wanted him to be to finish him off but I didn’t go to the point to bruise him permanently, after all I didn’t do this to show to my strength or get the glory of winning a fight. None of it really mattered to me.

I did this for Y/N, not for myself. I did it to take care of her. Thinking about her, I grabbed his shirt and threw him at Y/N's feet. "Apologise" I yelled and that he did, breathlessly, rambling with many apologises and Y/N forgave him kindly, being the good-hearted person she is.

The crowd cheered, but I felt too dizzy to even smile. When I was about to stumble back because the hits I had gotten in this fight got me lightheaded, Y/N caught me securely in her arms.

“Easy there, my winner" she giggled and pressed a kiss on my bloody face, what made me smile. “C'mon let's get you to the Med-Jacks ” she murmured with one of my arms wrapped over her shoulders to keep me up while walking me away from the bonfire.

"My sight is blurry" I complained, rubbing my eyes while sitting on a bed in the Med-Jacks hut while Y/N collected the stuff she needed. "Here let me" she came and handed me a water bottle and started cleaning my wounds on my face. A small, almost relieved sigh rolled over my lips as I sat there, at the same time, I felt sore from all the hits I got.

“Let’s see, now” she said when she had gotten her hands on a first-aid box. While she concentrated on my bleeding wounds, I hissed in pain and she hushed, with eyes full of regret of hurting me, and pressed a small kiss on the top of my nose before she continued.

Very gently, she stitched my skin back together for it to heal again, and dabbed the escaped blood away from my face. “All done Newtie" she smiled, intertwining one of her hands with mine while the other cupped my face as she placed a warm kiss on my forehead.

"Thank you" I whispered, pulling her onto my lap, so I could nuzzle my face into the crook of her neck for a moment. "So I'm still your number one girl ?” she chuckled lightly, while running her hand through my hair, what made my eyes flutter closed to the sensual feeling for a moment. "You are not my number one, darling" I muffled to her shoulder and then pulled back so I could look at her beautiful pair of eyes "you are my only one".

"I never want a different girl to be kissing my cheek and tell me she loves me for spending the day with her, I never want to spend the day with any other girl. I never want to hold a door open for another girl or carry another girl's things. I never want a different girl's hand in my hair playing with it all the time. I never want a different girl in my arms or a different pair of lips on mine. I never want to spend the rest of my life with any other girl. The thought of anybody else makes me sick to my stomach" I said breathlessly, pressing a kiss on top of her forehead and she smiled with her teary eyes.

"You are the only one I want to keep with me forever, no matter how complicated it gets" I hugged her closely before pulling away giving her a slow, gentle kiss on her lips.

A comforting smile appeared on her face. "You are an angel, did you know?” she whispered and caressed one of my cheeks. “I’m never going to find a person as sweet, loving, caring and patient as you. No one will even come close" she whispered, and it made my heart miss a few pulses and I instantly felt so much happier. "I just want simply you. Always" she pressed a kiss on my lips showing how much she cared about me and how much she loved me.

We are strong, so strong as a couple. We always go through everything that is meant to tear us apart and come out even stronger. Nothing could break us apart, I wouldn’t let anything break us apart. We are meant to be together.

"I love you, my sweetie" Y/N smiled as I cuddled closer loving the heat of her skin which made me feel warm and safe. "I love you, my sweetie" I repeated, with a sneaky grin. "Are you mocking me ?" she pouted with a chuckle as I repeated her words again. "How dare you?" she pushed me playfully. "How dare you?" I smirked and then Y/N's eyes twinkled with mischief. "I'm beautiful".

"Damn right you are baby doll" I grinned cheekily, happy I got her to say exactly what I wanted her to say. "My beautiful girl" I cooed, nuzzling our noses. "I love it when you still call me your beautiful girl" she giggled, her hands back in my hair as she twirled a single strand between her fingers.

"I'm not only calling you my beautiful girl” I smiled and kissed the top of her nose. "You are my beautiful girl and you will stay my beautiful girl" I cooed, kissing her pink dusted cheek and a beautiful smile appeared on her face, what made me feel better.

I slowly lied down and cuddled Y/N into me in silence, with just our breathing audible as we calmed down in each other’s embrace. Her eyes were drooping, as I pulled her into my chest, moved us into bed correctly and draped the duvet over our bodies and pressed a kiss on top of her head.

Lying here in bed listening to how steady her breathing is all I ever want to do with the rest of my life. She is sound asleep and I'm here left in our warm embrace. She rests her body against mine as I trace my fingers against her skin.I kiss her head and think back to how it all began. Nothing but happiness radiates off me as I fall asleep with her. My darkness found the purest light.

105 notes · View notes

alwaysaglader · 6 years

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Masterlist 🌺

My Little Koala Bear

Can I Keep You Forever ?

Half A Heart Without You

Heaven On Earth

The Perfect Crime

Forever Be My Always

A Tangled Fluffy Mess

Cosy Cuddles and Dazzling Dreams

Her Weirdo. His Angel

Just The Twinkling Stars Watching Us

81 notes · View notes

alwaysaglader · 6 years

Text

Half A Heart Without You

Y/N's P.O.V

For some reasons people never really talked about the marks that suddenly appeared on your body of nowhere without any logical explanation. Maybe they were afraid of it. Maybe they just didn’t wanted it to be real. But nevertheless, these marks were really there.

And it meant that there was someone out somewhere, who had them too. Marks that appeared on the body of your soulmate as soon as they appeared on your own body. Whatever mark you got on your skin, your soulmate got it too. Soulmates were real and this was the evidence for it.

The first contact I had with my soulmate was as if it was like I had suddenly found the piece of me that was missing.

It did scare me at first but before I knew it I had started falling in love with everything about him. I have never even seen this guy but that didn’t matter. His messages turned into the favourite part of my day and I caught myself only looking forward to them now.

I think about him all the time. Even when I have so much to worry about. Even the late hours of the night. He is always on my mind. It felt like I always wanted him. Even when I didn't know what I wanted.

Honestly if I could - I would just leave everything and find my way back to him.

‘When we meet, I'm gonna make sure to stop all your hurting and just make you feel safe’, the words appeared on my skin as I held my arm close, curling up to a ball on the edge of my bed, tears trickling down my face as unbearable pain pulsed through my veins.

For weeks now WCKD has been putting me through an endless amount of tests and it was getting to the point where I could break by one more needle poking into me. People here were completely heartless and it’s not like anyone cared about what we went through.

So I spent the night crying my eyes out, after I was thrown to my private room because I was an 'elite candidate' meaning I had to stay away from every one else. Classes, meals or basically all my day to day activities were restricted with my friends.

‘I wish you were here with me’ I grabbed a pen and scribbled on my arm with shaky hands. ‘I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you in the middle of the night. I just didn’t know what else to do’ I wrote again, feeling bad for disturbing him.

A warm sensation fill my heart with his next words ‘I don't care even if I don't get any sleep tonight - as long as I can be there for you’ it read and the conversation continued all night.

The next morning I woke up late due to the lack of sleep I had gotten the night before. I felt very exhausted and weren’t even sure how I even made it out of bed and to the bathroom. Still half asleep I started to get ready for a shower when I saw it in the mirror. There was a huge ‘Good morning Sweetheart’ written on my forehead.

“What on earth?” I muttered to myself, glad that no one had seen it yet. When I asked him how he’d gotten it on his forehead, he’d told me that his friend Minho had scribbled it in his sleep. In fact, Minho thought this entire thing was quite amusing so he was willing to help him with it.

‘That shank’ he wrote ‘always up to bloody pranks’. I chuckled for the first time today and scribbled down ‘he sounds fun’ and a ‘you should meet him love. He will drive you nuts’ with a smiley face was followed.

"I'm coming Thomas!!" I yelled running along the dull hallways of WCKD to reach my classroom. "You took forever" Thomas rolled his eyes leaning at the door. "Sorry" I mumbled. "Busy with your lover boy?" he smirked. "Shut up Tommy" I shoved him playfully but he caught a glimpse of my bruised arm went my sleeve got ridden up.

"What happened ?" he asked shocked pulling up my sleeve some more. "Ava said they have to do more tests because I'm special" I sighed sadly, “but I'm fine Thomas".

"Did it hurt?" he asked, his voice cracking slightly. "Kind of" I lied knowing he would kill anyone who was to hurt me."Don't worry about it" I said again not liking the murderous look on his face. "Y/N your my little sister. How on bloody earth am I not suppose to worry about you?" he asked wrapping his arms around and holding me closer "why didn't you tell me?".

"Thomas the last time you tried protecting me, I wasn't allowed to see you for a long time. I can't go through it again" I sobbed, clinging onto him. "Hey hey it's ok. I'm here. No one is going to take you away from me" he cooed, rubbing my back calming me down “we are going to stick together”. I pulled away and ruffled his hair messing it up "c'mon now lets go. We are already late” I dragged a whining Thomas to class.

"Bloody hell" I mumbled quietly, "I forgot my writing book". Thomas shook his head with a goofy smile and was about to give me a piece of paper from his book when our grumpy old teacher stood glaring in front of me. "Y/N, this is the third time this week. Find some place else to write" he growled angrily and stomped away. "Out of all the crap we talk about that he hears?" I rolled my eyes ."Tell me about it" Thomas sighed lazily "so what you gonna do now?".

I looked around the room but finally decided to give in and took out a pen and stretched my hand ready to copy down the notes. I didn't want to do it knowing it will be engraved on his hand too but I didn't have any other choice. I needed a good grade and not taking down the notes is just asking to fail.

"What if he hates me now? What am I going to do?" I muttered nervously. "Y/N, he’s not going to hate you. I'm sure he will understand" Thomas assured while scrambling down the notes or mostly doodling on his book.

"I hope so. I really want him to like me" I sighed, hardly paying attention to class anymore. "Do you think he will like me ?" I asked softly and Thomas's eyes widened. "What?" I asked amused by his reaction. "Why would you think of someone like that ?" he asked. "I dunno" I mumbled "what if he doesn't like me? You know I'm weird...".

"Hey!!" he held my shoulders stopping my rambling. "Y/N, you gotta be with the person who enjoys your madness" he ruffled my hair playfully "not an idiot who forces you to be normal and I am sure this boy will love you".

Newt's P.O.V

I was busy helping Zart out in the garden when suddenly a row of numbers appeared all over my arm making a wide smile come across my face and happiness to bubble in my stomach. I titled my head to read and it seemed like notes of some sort and in the bottom were an apology for writing it. I excused myself from Zart quickly and ran up to my room, rummaging through my drawer to find a pen.

‘It's alright beautiful. Don't mind at all’ I quickly scribbled on the back of my hand and a small ‘thank you’ appeared next to it immediately. ‘Are you feeling better today?’ I asked my heart aching for the pain she was going through. It just breaks my heart that people are so mean to her. ‘Yes. Thanks to you’.

‘Darling, you don't have to thank me. It's the least I can do for you’ I wrote and watched more words appear on my skin making my heart swell in adoration.

‘You alone can make my day better for me. No matter how bad it has been. You always help me through it and that alone is absolutely beautiful in my opinion’ her words made my heart beat with happiness ‘I can't believe how lucky I am to have you as mine. Even though you aren't here with me’.

‘It doesn't matter where I am. I'm always yours’ I wrote back and started chewing on my lip again, ‘no matter how far you are, I will wait until we can finally be together’.

‘I get butterflies thinking about the time I will be able to meet you’ appeared on my other arm and my grin grew even wider than possible and I could feel myself blush deeper. ‘It’s not going to be easy but it will. I just know it’.

‘I’d fight the whole world for you - I don’t care how cheesy that sounds’ I wrote on my wrist and felt a tingle on my cheek. Her reply was a perfect heart and a winking smiley face next to it.

It was probably midnight as I laid lazily on my bed, unable to get a bit of sleep. I looked over at the empty spot on my bed and wondered about the things I would tell her if she were laying here next to me.

When I sleep, I dream of her and when I wake I long to hold her in my arms. If anything, our time apart has only made me more certain that I want to spend my nights by her side and my days with her heart.

"Newt!!" I heard a bang on the door. "Come in" I yelled and sat up to see Minho leaning on the door frame. “What are you still doing up ?” he asked coming in and shutting the door. “Busy?” he smirked knowingly.

I held out my hands and showed the beautiful patterns she’d drawn and I’d drawn little doodles of things she loved.

"Must be painful wanting to be with her huh?" he asked taking a seat on my bed. "It is...” I sighed sadly “but I'm waiting for my princess to come. She is on her way. I know it. I just have to be patient".

“Keep your hopes up buddy alright ?” he patted my shoulder. I nodded softly then turned towards him “and what are you doing here?” I asked confused as to what he was doing roaming around the glade at this time when he has to get up early tomorrow to run the Maze.

“I’m starving” he groaned, rubbing his stomach and standing up. “I was on the way to get some food out of the kitchen and I was hoping you were asleep and wanted to scribble something for your pretty little girlfriend” he grinned mischievously and ran out quickly when I threw a pillow at him.

Time skip

Y/N's P.O.V

I know he can sense the fear in my voice. “Y/N…why’re you crying? Please-please don’t cry. I hate to see you cry” he walked closer and notices the tears filling my eyes. Thomas lifts his hands to my face running his thumbs along my cheeks, before I whispered through quivering lips “I’m sorry".

“You’re scaring me…Tell me what’s going on- what’s happening?” he asked, with a trembling voice. “They’re sending me into the Maze tomorrow” I whispered and placed my shaky hands above his. He shakes his head violently “No…No, no, no…” he starts to sob, big tears trickling down his face “…they can’t take you away from me- they can’t!!”.

Thomas pulled me into his arms, crying into the crook of my neck. He held me tightly against his chest, my own tears falling onto his favourite blue shirt. “I’m sorry” I repeated, my voice coming out as a choked whimper “I don’t want to leave you Thomas".

“Y-You’re all I have. You're everything to me Y/N” he cries, clutching onto me like it’s his lifeline; like if he held me tight enough, I wouldn’t have to leave and then there was a sudden loud bang on the door. WCKD staff barged in and pulled me away from his arms.

“It’s past curfew” one of the armed guards growled with a harsh voice, despite of our pleas and cries. And the last I see is Thomas being taken away from me in a fit of tears, begging me to stay.

I was laying on what seemed like a hospital bed with a bandage above my ear with a wet spot supposedly blood after they injected something there and I’ve been feeling extremely drowsy ever since. I could hardly see the doctors surrounding me and I could feel myself fading, unable to move, looking up at an odd device about to be lowered onto me. “Start the process”.

And at that moment where I was drifting off to a deep slumber I felt a sudden tingling on my arm. I tried to sit up to get a glimpse but I could hardly lift my head. My mouth wouldn’t work properly and my head started spinning and the next thing I saw was complete darkness.

Newt's P.O.V

It's been a few days and I haven't still heard from her. I've tried many times to reach her again and again but there was no response. I spent day and night crying my eyes out hoping she was alright, hoping she is safe.

“Newt, the box is here” someone knocked on my door. “I’ll be right there” I croaked and picked up my notepad and dragged myself out of my room to meet with the other boys around the Box.

“What’s going on?” I questioned the confused looking boys just gathered around the box. Even Gally looked frozen outside. I pushed my way through the crowd and came to the edge and froze... just like everyone else. It was a girl. She was curled up to a corner, her face looked swollen from crying and the bright sun was hitting her face causing her to shy away. She rubs at her eyes to try and become accustomed to the light.

Suddenly a loud thud interrupts my shocked mind. “Rise and shine greenie” Gally said, taking a step forward causing her to flinch. “I’m not gonna hurt you greenie” he says in a bit softer but it still caused her to panic and shuffle back, backing herself into a corner in terror. “Stop it Gally” I said firmly, grabbing his shoulder and pulling him away. “Let me talk to her.”

“Hello. Can I come in ?” I asked softly and she looked at me for a few moments before nodding her head. I slowly jumped in and stayed in the opposite corner.

“I know you are scared, you can’t remember anything can you?” I asked and she shook her head. “It’s alright, all of us have been through exactly what you’re going through” I said taking another step forward.

“We aren’t going to hurt you I promise” I said and this time she slowly looks up and locked her gaze with mine. “ I just need you to come out of this box, can you do that?”I asked softly.

“Alright” I smiled warmly when she released her hand from behind her legs and shakily reach up to lightly grip onto my hand held out. I offered her a smile and she sent me one back. “Welcome to the glade.”

"It will just take a few seconds” Jeff tried again with Clint trying to hold her down but it only made her scream louder and thrash around when trying to treat the bruises she had and some were even bleeding badly.

“Hey, would you let me try ?” I asked gesturing Jeff and Clint to stop and she looked at me terrified. “If it hurts you can punch me alright ?” I said coming closer, making her smile a little and uncurl herself as I sat slowly sat on the edge of bed with a wet cloth in my hand.

“Jeff, Clint could you give us some time ?” I asked and they agreed and left after giving me the instructions on how to treat her properly. I let out a soft sigh and settled, placing my hand over her small one gently.

It was when I brushed my thumb against her palm that I got a weird tingly feeling across my skin and my heart beat got faster that she pulled her hand out of my grip. “I’m sorry” I said quickly.

“Did you feel that too?” I asked quietly. “I-I don’t know. Just got a weird feeling in me” she mumbled. “Like a tingly feeling?” I asked and she nods her head and I saw a shy smile spread across her face.“And your heart beats faster ?” I smiled and she nods again.

“I felt that to. Please don’t be scared. It felt nice” I explained taking her hand in mine again. I repeated the motion with my thumb and her smile widens as she watches our laced hands on the bed.

This time she embraces the feeling and I smile lightly as I accept it and let the tingly, warm feeling wash through me. “Better ?” I chuckled and she nods in agreement giggling. “Will you let me help you now ?”.

I slowly let her sit comfortably then dipped the cloth in a bowl of water and gently rolled up her sleeves. The instant my eyes got fixated on her skin revealed I froze, my eyes fixated on the writings, designs and patterns on her arms and then my eyes narrowed to one single writing.... Iloveyou.

I bought my shaky hands and ran my fingers over it and I saw a tear drop on it. I looked up to see her eyes filled with tears but her eyes were fixated on my wrist where my sleeve has ridden up and there it was in ink, my writing Iloveyou.

“Are you okay?’’ I managed to croak out just above a whisper as I observed her face, her features and her beautiful pair of eyes. The details in her face stood out to me; her lashes fluttering a little when she blinked, her plump, pink lips, her sweet cheeks so lovely.

She didn’t say anything, but instead she just stared at me. In silence, we continued to look at each other like we saw fire burn in front of us, as if there was nothing more interesting in the world that the one right in front of our nose.

My heart began to pound in my chest, and I could feel a weird sort of longing developing deep in my soul. The desire to kiss her lips, to feel the softness against my own, grew with the second.

Sitting here with my heart almost beating in my throat, I slid my hands from her arms to her waist involuntarily; it happened automatically, as if I couldn’t control my own body.

My heart was pounding loudly and the closer I came to her, the more I sensed. Her fragrance blanked my mind, the touch of her skin made me feel light in my head and the stare of her eyes made me feel drunk, but then drunk on her.

My eyes dropped to her pink lips and then back to her eyes, eager to kiss her. I would’ve done anything to touch her, to kiss her or to hold her hand for just a few seconds. I would’ve killed for her, walked through fire.

Not being able to stay away from her anymore, after such a long time of torturing myself by staying away, I grabbed her face and pressed our lips together for our first kiss. Her lips were extremely soft causing goose bumps to rise and cover the surface of my body. I pulled away from her lips, opened my mouth to breathe and felt her lips against mine again, trying to keep them pressed together.

“I'm so sorry.” she said, but only then did the tears start rolling already. The sight broke my heart into pieces. My angel crying in front of me and I hated to see it. “Darling you have nothing to be sorry for” I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her tightly to my chest. “ I do” she cried, “I never had a chance to say it back”.

“Darling, I never expected you to. I just wanted to let you know how I felt” I murmurmed, and kissed her head, cradling her in my arms gently. “I love you” her little voice sounded, and it made my heart do flips. My cheeks turned red instantly, glowing with heat.

She nervously bit her lip and looked at her fiddling fingers. To make her look up at me, I placed my fingers underneath her chin and lifted it up. Our eyes met instantly, and her cheeks started burning even brighter. “I love you too”.

I moved closer to her and grabbed her face in the palm of my hands and pressed my lips firmly on hers. Our second kiss felt so much more intense. As soon as our lips touched and I could taste her again. It felt like I was dreaming, because it’s an absolute dream to be able to kiss her.

“Why did you write it with no spaces?” she chuckled wetly once we pulled apart and rested our foreheads together. “So there is no room for anyone else” I whispered and shared a sweet kiss with her, smiling as I did so.

“You make me feel safe’’ she mumbled sleepily while resting her head on my chest, ready to fall asleep. Smiling, I pressed a kiss on her head. “Like I said... I would do anything it takes to make sure you're safe and happy, my love’’ I hummed and closed my eyes, trying to doze off to the rhythm of her breathing.

And as I lied here with my princess I’ve been waiting for, I finally felt complete for the first time in my life because all this time I was half a heart without her.

She was the chapter that I didn't know the words to, but always knew it existed. And when I finally found it and began to read, I knew I was home.

She is like no body else in this world. When I’m with her, it’s like I’m split in half. Part of me is on fire, going crazy if I’m not touching her. The other half is calm and peaceful just perfectly content, knowing she is the one for me.

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alwaysaglader · 6 years

Text

Heaven On Earth

Newt's P.O.V

I ran hurriedly behind Chuck who fled to the woods due to a terrifying nightmare he encountered. He woke up screaming at the top of his lungs and when we gathered around and tried to calm him down, he jolted away from us deep into the woods.

A lot of us searched for him until Thomas finally spotted him curled up to a ball under a tree. We tried everything to help him but the moment someone got close he would start crying again or scream louder in pain.

The only one who was able help him was none other than our angel of the Glade - Y/N. She has dealt with boys like this before including me. She was the only one who understood how just a comforting presence can help.

Y/N came running to the woods with Alby right behind her when she heard. She slowly approached Chuck and knelt beside him but didn’t lay a finger on him knowing he would flinch in fear. Instead, she patiently seated herself and talked him through it and little by little he started giving in and finally wrapped his arms around Y/N as she took him into her arms and cradled him gently, wiping his tear-stained face.

After Chuck seemed to have settled down,Y/N reassured the boys kindly and only then did they leave but Chuck still refused to go back to the Glade so Y/N insisted on staying here with him for the rest of the day and Alby agreed, since you could still see the terror in the kid's eyes. If we had a hard time handling this situation I couldn't even begin to imagine what he was going through.

It was almost lunch time when I finished most of my work and headed to the woods to check on Y/N and Chuck and hopefully bring them back here for lunch. Fry even made Chuck’s favourite to help cheer him up.

When I finally arrived to the seculded area, I got shocked by quite the sight that I did not expect. Chuck was smiling... all the fear he had before had vanished and warm feeling seemed to have been replaced. He was busy picking up flowers, so happily it was as if the nightmare incident never happened.

And then my gaze slowly shifted around landing on the most gorgeous sight. I saw Y/N sitting in a corner, so unaware and lovely, weaving am sure a flower crown with a pretty one already on her head.

"Newtie come on over" Y/N waved breaking my trance, patting the spot next to her. I smiled sheepishly and sat cross-legged next to her and she placed the flower crown she was making on my head lightly.

"Well how do I look?" I asked playfully. "Bloody beautiful" she giggled brushing a few strands of hair from my face. "Now, that’s not something you tell a man, love" I said teasingly making her grin and shove me a little. "You say that a man is handsome" I winked with a smirk making her cheeks burn crimson red. "I still think you’re beautiful” Y/N chuckled softly, making my heart miss a few pulses.

Just then Chuck came skipping to me holding out a bundle of things he was collecting. "Newt!!" he exclaimed shaking his head “look what I made”. Then only did I notice the crown on his head hidden be his brown curly bush. I chuckled and ruffled his hair "that's quite nice buddy. You look great”.

“I know” he grinned cheekily. “Oh little man you’ve been spending too much time with Minho” I tickled his sides and tried to get up to chase him making him squeal and run away with flushed cheeks from laughing.

It was wonderful to see him smile like that again.

"Can I add two horns onto Tommy's one ?" I asked holding two twigs on my head making Y/N smile and roll her eyes right afterwards. "So he could just poke Gally" I grinned playfully shaking my head.

She had the most beautiful thing I had ever seen and it only took her laugh to realise that beauty was the least of it.

"Did you make one for Alby too ?" I asked twirling a flower between my fingers. "I did but I don't think he'll wear it" she shrugged. "Well let's make him" I exclaimed and she shook her head with a smile as I tucked the flower behind her ear making her cheeks dust pink.

"You made one for every glader?" I asked amused, looking around to see many crowns around us. She nodded "thought it will make them happy. They've been through a lot these past few days and I hope this will cheer them up”.

"You are all sorts of amazing do you know that?" I placing my hand on hers and lacing our fingers, my heart swelling with my love. She blushed and looked down shyly with a sweet smile resting on her lips.

If only she knew the way I looked at her when she doesn't look at me. I smile wider than the sky because I love her... endlessly.

The rest of the day we spent making enough flower crowns for everyone. Well Y/N and Chuck did, I gave up when I couldn't even make one properly no matter how many times Y/N tried to help me, mostly because when she came close and fiddled with my fingers I held onto the crown like a life line to control my blaze of emotions towards her.

So instead I leant against a nearby tree adoring my darling angel.

Y/N had always looked so beautiful to me, so innocent and so incredibly sweet. I watched her in a love stuck awe, the way her pink lips are curled to a dazzling smiles, the way her eyelashes fluttered above her cheekbones and the way her hair rested next to her face was absolutely breath-taking.

And if I was honest, she reminded me of all the gentle things in life, like tea when it's cold and big sweaters to sleep in. She reminds me of all the safe things in life, like a hand to hold and a shoulder to lean on. She reminds me of all the reasons to take a chance, like when things get out of reach and a place seems so far away. She reminds me of all the beautiful things in life like the sky when the sun sets and the way her face lights up when she smiles.

It's as if the very essence of her found the cracks in my bones and made a home in them. As if her voice travelled through my skin and into my blood stream directly to my heart.

Y/N came into my life at a time, when I truly hated who I was and what I had become. I was broken, damaged and fading but she fought her way in. I was so underserving, and yet she was so relentless.

I pushed - she pulled. I wept - she embraced. I bled - she repaired. I faltered - she shushed. I stopped - she smiled. I was a disaster, the worst of its kind.

And yet she saved me. She made me feel loved and made me love myself and now... she is my life, my voice, my reason to be.

I lost myself all the way to her and in her I found all the way back to me.

"Alright hop on" I bent down as Y/N picked up the last crown bundled up with the others in her arms. "Newt I can walk" she smiled shyly. "No no my lady, your carriage awaits" I winked and Chuck ‘accidentally’ pushed her onto me. I mouthed a ‘thank you’ and he gave me a thumbs up. That cheeky little kid.

"Hold on, love" I said as I stood up holding her tightly and walked towards the glade with Chuck leading the way, all bubbly and happy, a sight which will wipe off everyone’s worried expression for sure.

For the rest of the day, we went around the glade handing over a crown to each and every person. The look on their faces was beyond what I would call happiness...it’s as if they forgot all the pain in the world.

They even found a broken glass somehow to have a look at their reflection. "Oh I don't need the mirror. I know I look fabulous" I heard Minho sass in the crowd and am sure a hair flip was followed.

The best part was giving a crown to Alby specially when he agreed to wear it making everyone cheer quite loud too and then Minho, spent the day following Alby all around and teasing him as the 'king of flowers’ all day long. That shank.

Y/N's P.O.V

It was dusk, and I laid awake in my hammock just watching the sky change colours. It was a truly beautiful and calming thing to behold, and it made me feel peaceful despite the whole situation.

But for some reason, I felt wide awake and knew I wouldn’t be falling asleep any time soon. So I decided to get out of my hammock and go for a walk as usual but halfway through I saw Newt’s room lightened up through the window in the Homestead so I thought of seeing him instead.

Getting closer to his room already had my heart trying to pound out of my chest and butterflies flutter crazily in my stomach. Not many people can take my breath away, but Newt, he doesn’t even have to try.

With his boyish grin, fluffy light hair and big brown orbs, he had always reminded me of someone out of a fairytale.

He has the most adorable eyes you could ever fall for and the cutest smile that makes my heart melt. He has the ability to make me laugh every time he speaks and whenever I look into his eyes it’s so hard to turn away.

“Newt?” I asked peeping a little. “Are you there?” I asked but all I heard was mumbling and grumbling. I finally opened the door completely and stepped in to see him sitting cross legged on the bed fiddling with something in his hand but that wasn’t the only thing that caught my eye.

His bed was filled with flowers and twigs and leaves and some were even tangled in his hair. His face was scrunched in deep concentration he didn’t even notice I was here. I stifled a giggle and slowly walked towards his bed and placed a flower lying around behind his ear making him turn around swiftly with widened eyes and crimson red cheeks.

“Morning” I smiled. “Love-Y/N what are you doing here?” he asked startled, jumping off the bed and hiding something behind his back. “Saw your light on. Was wondering if you were alright ? Sorry. I’ll just leave” I said nervously heading back to the door but a grip on my wrist pulled me back to his arms.

“You don’t have to leave Y/N” he showed a small smile shyly, “I-I- was try-trying to make this for you like you taught me and well this is far as I got" he said nervously holding out a beautifully made flower crown. "Newt" I gasped clasping a hand over my mouth "it's lovely". A fully blown, toothy grin appeared on his face, his eyes sparkling with joy. "May I?" he asked lifting it over my head and I nodded shyly as he came closer and placed it gently on my head followed by a soft kiss.

Newt's P.O.V

"How do I look?" she teased, fluttering her eyes playfully but to me she was beyond any words I could ever find to describe. "You are my princess" was all I could manage to say, as I got lost in her eyes, so mesmerised, falling deeper and deeper to an infinite pool of love.

"Newtie think you made a little mistake there" she said timidly realising I called her mine but I couldn't hold it anymore. I couldn't stay sitting around when I know I can give her every bit of happiness she deserves with all my heart.

I love every inch of her - the fading sunset behind her eyes, the moonlight that dances through her hair, the sadness nestled in the crease of her palms.

I love every inch of her, not just the parts that make sense, not just the parts I have been shown. I love parts of her that I don't yet understand, the parts that weigh on her shoulders, the parts I only notice when I steal glances in silence.

And all I want to do is kiss all the parts she has kept hidden away and tell her how beautiful it all is.

"No" I shook my head bravely gathering all the confidence I had left in me. "I love you Y/N" I breathed, bringing my shaking fingers to interwind with hers. The electricity of her skin played sparks upon my fingers lighting me incandescently.

"I know I'm not the prince you have in mind but... I do have the arms to give you a hug, ears to listen to whatever you want to talk about and I have a heart; a heart that is aching to make you happy and see you smile every damn minute of every shucking day" I held her hands and placed them on my chest where she could feel every beat of my heart. Every beat which is because of her.

"I don't deserve you Y/N" I said, my eyes filling with tears "but god, I want to. I want to spend the rest of my life trying to deserve you".

Slowly, she leaned in and cupped one side of my jaw, trailing her fingertips over over my skin. "You have my heart Newt" she whispered softly "you always did".

A very shy smile appeared on her face, eyes showing the love I had been seeking for so long. "You're the smile on my face and ain't going nowhere as long as you mine cause when I imagine myself happy...it is always with you" she breathed, face flushing deeper pink.

“You are my prince" Y/N giggled childishly, causing my eyes to tear up in happiness. It took a lot from me to not let them roll down my cheeks again. “Always, my darling” I whispered softly and cupped one side of her jaw, trailing my thumb over her cheek to caress a little. The touch made her glow making her look even more angelic than she usually looked to me.

“Will you kiss me now?’’ she then shyly questioned me, cheeks colouring bright red. “Only if you want to’’ I smiled, but at the same moment did she lean in and press our lips together for a kiss. She kissed me.

Only a beautiful soul like hers would kiss a damaged soul like mine.

Her lips pressed against mine made me feel like I was just set on fire, and made me glow. When she slowly drew away from me, I kept our faces close and looked into her eyes making Y/N blush adorably hiding her face to my chest.

I chuckled to her sudden shyness and slid my face into the crook of her neck and wrapped my arms around her waist to hold her close to me while starting to shuffle back and forth. “Newt, we don’t have any music” Y/N mumbled. “Let’s make our own” I said, and started to hum a random tune to which we slow danced in silence enjoying our own little bubble. ”It’s lovely” Y/N whispered with a kiss on my cheek making me melt in her arms.

My love, my heart is breathing for her.

"I'm never going to stop fighting for our fairytale Y/N” I murmured, tightening our warm embrace. "You're safe with me I promise” I whispered, voice trembling a little from all the emotions “when you get scared look me in the eyes, hold me a little tighter and smile. Because I'm not going anywhere".

Y/N smiled, moving her hand through my hair then rested on my shoulders.”I know, my love” she pressed a kiss on my nose and then nuzzled it with her own, making me grin “I believe in me and you”.

Y/N has always loved the things that the rest of the world forgot, like tiny insects and broken flowers. I think that’s why she loved me. I was yet another broken thing, that the world had left behind.

As faint sun rays began to enter the room by penetrating through the window, and escaping from behind the curtain I saw Y/N let out a small yawn to my chest. A light blush dusted her cheeks and I’m not sure if it’s because of the light that set the room aglow or if it’s because of her. "Newt…" she stirred, fighting his eyes from falling shut "I’m falling asleep".

"Let's get you to bed, darling" I hushed and took her into my arms and carried her to my bed. She looked so cute in my arms, her innocent eyes looking up into mine as she lied there, head resting against my chest, half asleep as I laid her carefully and tucked her in, making sure she was warm underneath the covers. I crawled into bed next to her and slid my head into the crook of her neck and sighed happily, cuddling her as close as possible till there was no space left between us.

I would give up the world to feel her sleeping in my tired arms every night.

I ever so gently placed a kiss on her forehead and cradled her in my arms as she slept soundly, the smooth rhythm of her breathing calming every nerve in my body. Being held by her is enough to cure anything.

I have never found such a beautiful solitude in someone’s existence before.

The peace is her calms the storm in me.

Only Y/N could make me feel this way - so loved and so taken care of.

She is my heaven on earth.

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