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a-jaded-mirage · 2 months

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Mirage's Top 5 Picks Part I: Food from Video Games

As a general descriptor, I would say that I consider myself an infrequent gamer. I enjoy gaming, but I often do not have enough time to immerse myself in the experience or commit myself to playing entirely through something. I think the last time that I was able to play something from start to finish was honestly during COVID where I had the flexibility to see a gameplay through. Yes, I was one of the weirdos who thrived during the lockdown and relished in the extra time.

My boyfriend and I have these date nights every other Friday night where we pick a topic and make a presentation about our top 5 or top 10 selections for whatever category was selected. We cook or order some food, and we kick back and have fun learning little things about each other while also seeing where we have similar tastes versus completely different preferences. One of my favorite presentation nights we have done was about the top five foods from video games that we badly wanted to try while playing a video game.

Anyway, without further ado, here are my picks. I think it reveals a lot about the kinds of games that I enjoy, but also what my general culinary tastes are. I do love it when games and food can intersect in real life and be shared with others.

Number 5: Peanut Butter Butterpops from The Quarry

This pick is definitely a controversial one in some respects as it is a completely random detail from the overall game so not have the most solid defense for this one beyond the theme song being super catchy and peanut butter, in general, making me go feral. I love everything about the idea of sweet peanut butter puffs with salty crunchy peanuts and a dubious warning label. The mascot is a cool-looking squirrel with a neat red cap too, so there is some childhood nostalgia somewhere in there too, I guess. It is reminiscent of how I still willingly consume Scooby Snacks and goldfish crackers. There is also a level of nostalgia for the game too, because I think it was the last one that I had a part in playing through with my siblings.

Number 4: Freddy Fazbear's Pizza from Five Nights at Freddy's

Alright, go ahead and throw the tomatoes and garbage at me. I know this one is objectively a basic or trash pick. Hear me out, I am nothing if not a child of the 2010's. The Generation-Z mush that is my brain has a special corner in it for the possessed bear and his pizza place alongside all of the great YouTube channels fed by it. I also love crappy and greasy pizza in a neon context with a ton of arcade games. That is probably part of the reason why I graduated from kid's entertainment and birthday chains to eatertainment arcade sports bars. Anyway, all of this is to say that all pizza is unique and different in its own way (good or bad), and as a pizza connoisseur, I have always wondered what Freddy's tastes like.

Number 3: Natsuki's Cupcakes from Doki Doki Literature Club!

My love for this game in particular cannot be overstated as it blew my mind when it initially came out. I did not expect the turn it took, and it caught me off guard in the best way. The combination of your average romance visual novel with a rich and clever met-horror plotline was refreshing. I felt like it turned a lot of stereotypes on their heads and made some great commentary on the parameters of literature and creative expression. In any case, I also have a massive sweet tooth and love baking much like Natsuki. Her cat-decorated cupcakes looked super cute and fluffy, and that is something that I look for in real-world cupcakes. The dialogue also made it seem like the characters really enjoyed them too, so that made me want to see what was so good about them. I still have my fingers crossed that we could get another game related to this one from Team Salvato.

Number 2: Amanda's Graduation Party Macaroni and Cheese Bar from Dream Daddy

I know, I know, this is another interesting pick, to say the least. To be quite frank, I simply did not know how many options there could be for food bars. Macaroni and cheese is simply a core meal for me, and one that I have always enjoyed customizing. The options that are mentioned in the game sounded genuinely magical and made me lowkey forget the context of what was happening in the game for a solid minute after it was introduced. Dream Daddy is just such a fun game, and it was made so well. The characters are all developed with positive features and flaws all well thought out. The relationships they have with one another are compelling, the art style is beautiful, and the routes are engaging no matter how often you play through them. The mac and cheese bar was just another clever and fascinating feature of the world that the Game Grumps created.

Number 1: Butterscotch Pie from Undertale

This one is probably the most nostalgic for me, and it was one of the first games I played with my siblings. I do not know what it is, but I just love the tropes where food has a specific meaning in the world that it belongs to. In this case, the pie that Toriel bakes for Frisk is one of the most powerful HP-restoring items in the game. The best part about the pie is that it holds so much lore, and there are so many ways to use it in the game. I know that I was someone who most often saved the pie for the battle with Sans, but I have seen people use it in the presence of Asgore or even Toriel. To me, the confection is a physical item that represents a mother's love and spiritual nourishment associated with home, and I think that is super layered. This one had stiff competition for the top slot too because there were so many other foods from Undertale that I was convinced would make it to this position. There just is not anything like this one that invokes the same thoughtfulness in most other games that I have personally played.

Well, there it is. That was my top five list for foods that come from video games that I would try if given the opportunity to within the context of the game that it originates from. I have some honorable mentions that I might be inclined to share at some point too, as it was a wild ride trying to put this list together cohesively. Funnily enough, my boyfriend and I's picks intersected once, and it was Toriel's butterscotch pie. He ranked it his third choice and was pleasantly surprised that it was my first. Anyway, if you have your own top five, I would love to hear about them and the reasons why you may have selected them.

(NOTE: If any of this reads a little strangely, it might be because I accidentally deleted everything while editing and had to go back and re-type everything word for word)

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a-jaded-mirage · 2 months

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5 posts!

#5 posts #tumblr milestone

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a-jaded-mirage · 2 months

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I love this!!!!

Kinda disappointed that the new blue beetle movie doesn’t take place in my hometown, but that doesn’t stop me from watching it anyways

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a-jaded-mirage · 2 months

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Blue Beetle and El Paso

I would be lying if I said that I was not disappointed by the canonical home of Jaime Reyes being changed both in the movie and in recent comics. However, I would also be lying if I said that I absolutely detested the movie for whatever reason. I enjoyed the movie for what it was and what it meant to the Hispanic and Latinx communities. It is a huge deal, and I think it was done well. Going back to my original point, it is hard to be disappointed when it feels as though I am not missing out on much when Blue Beetle's relationship with El Paso was never done true justice anyway.

The West Texan Mexican-American experience is hard to fully encapsulate into one solid thought or idea. I can confidently say that the approach DC had in most iterations of the comics, cartoons, recent movie, and other forms of media always toned the experience down and made it a duller aspect of his story. I can not recall even a single time when El Paso was brought up or portrayed in a way that was recognizable to an El Pasoan across any of the aforementioned media. It always felt disconnected and out of touch, but I still held it close to my heart because it was something alluding to home.

In a way, I am happy that Blue Beetle is now from the fictional (emphasis on that) Palmera City, because it reiterates that heroes can only be super in Hollywood when they are superficially placed in a cookie-cutter big and flashy city. All I really have to say to that is, good for them. They did what they needed to in order to reach a wider audience. I am sure that the payoff for the corporate powerhouses at the end was worth it even at the cost of individuality. Come to think of it, my mind cannot really conjure up any mainstream superheroes that operate in any desert long term. Any time spent in the less "glamorous" parts of the Southwest is almost always smaller plot-driving settings that act as a stepping stone for bigger heroes and not as a home.

Anyway, all of this is to say that I understand why they did what they did with the setting. I even still happen to think the entire production team did a great job, but that does not stop me from wondering what could have been at any point in Blue Beetle's recent history if someone had used the beauty, culture, and complexity found uniquely in Sun City far more productively. There was so much more potential than the oftentimes vague and noncommittal nods given to the setting. It just was not utilized to its fullest potential, and if that would have been a continuous theme, then I am glad that they are no longer working with it.

Shifting to something less ranty, I absolutely suck at drawing. I am a STEM person through and through, but that did not stop me from visualizing all of the things I would have loved to have seen portrayed in a Blue Beetle story while experiencing being a teenager in El Paso. He was my absolute favorite superhero because he was one that I saw every single day in my hometown, and there were several things I felt he would have enjoyed doing.

For example, we have a ton of high schools. If I had to narrow down the ones I think Jaime Reyes would have attended, I would probably say my top three picks would be: El Paso High School, Bowie High School, or Austin High School. An interesting custom that schools in El Paso have is placing the first initial of a myriad of our high schools on the mountains. They are huge and visible, as well as a testament to our school spirit and pride. The Top 10 percent of most of our graduating classes wear different colored gowns at graduation than the rest of their peers, which is something I was told was not a common occurrence in most other states.

Homecoming is a huge deal, and people will buy, make, or sell Mums and corsages. It is kind of difficult to explain to people from around the states who may not be entirely familiar with what it is, but it is an old Texan tradition that is typically shared between sweethearts (dates) on the last day of Homecoming spirit week. It is something that a lot of people go all out for, and plenty of pictures exist on the internet of the various ways that they can be customized. I always thought it would be cool to see what Jaime Reyes would do for his Mum.

Prom is pretty much Prom wherever you are in the States for the most part, and ours are held at some great venues in the city, so there is not much more to say about that part of the high school experience. As far as colleges go, some of the most popular for teenagers at El Paso high schools to apply to are UTEP, EPCC, TTU, Texas A&M, and any of the other UTs (UT Austin, UT Dallas, and UT San Antonio to name a few). There are even several private universities like Rice, Baylor, and Trinity to name a few more. Hell, a lot of us even go to schools like NMSU in what is essentially our sister city of Las Cruces, there is also UNM, ASU, U of A, and CU. There are so many different choices for universities that are realistic and in the general area that Jaime absolutely could have chosen to apply to and attend. I think that seeing him initially as a Junior or Senior in an El Paso high school, and subsequently watching his transition into a college student in the city or elsewhere while grappling with his powers and responsibilities as Blue Beetle would have been so fascinating.

As far as places that it would have been nice to see him interact with at some point, it would be easier to just give a general list of my favorites. I wish that the following places could have been incorporated into the Blue Beetle story at some point long past: Chico's Tacos, Franklin Mountains State Park, Transmountain Road, Downtown, The Plaza Theater, Cielo Vista, The Fountains at Farah, Sunland Park, the Outlet Shoppes, Rosa's Cantina, Southwest University Park, Don Haskins Center, Concordia Cemetery, Scenic Drive-Overlook, the El Paso Star, Hueco Tanks, San Jacinto Plaza, St. Patrick Cathedral, any farmer's market or swap meet, any of our museums (Art, History, Archeology, Border Patrol, Science, Chamizal), the Coliseum, Ardovino's, Orange Cow, Burrito House, Bowie Bakery, Lucy's Cafe, any of our dulcerias, as well as literally any of our regional and national recreational chains. Obviously, there is so much more, but all of what I listed could have definitely been used for something whether it be a fight with a villain of the week, or opportunities to flesh out Jaime's character more socially and individually. That, and it tickles my funny bone to imagine the Teen Titans trying something like Chico's Tacos for the first time.

Unrelated, Jaime would totally listen to Khalid.

Naturally, there are so many other locations in surrounding cities and states that easily could have been used as well for any plot points that would have added even more Southwestern charm. I mean, part of New Mexico's tourism schtick is literally aliens (Roswell), and the scarab is in fact an alien now. However, for the purposes of this, I focused on El Paso. That is really all I have to say about all of this, if you stayed for my entire rant I appreciate it. If not, I totally understand, and I really just wanted to put my thoughts out into the world and write this love letter to my home city.

I love that Blue Beetle is now further into the general public's eye, and that his character means something for the entire extended community. He now has room to change, grow, and evolve from what he was before in a way that is far more defined by the expectations for a mainstream hero. Even if the El Pasoan Jaime Reyes can only exist truly in my mind, it is an okay price to pay for a narrative that touches my heart specifically. I am most certainly not a writer, so I hope that the next time we have a hero from El Paso, some of my city's charm can truly be done justice. After all, the only person who can characterize an El Pasoan correctly is an El Pasoan.

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a-jaded-mirage · 2 months

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The Playlist Series (Part I)

The theme of today's song list is an AO3 fanfiction by the name of Countess by author nerdyketones. It is a Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler work, and its primary ship is SebaCiel.

Now, I have never identified myself as a SebaCiel shipper in any capacity, and the only reason that I gave this one a chance was because a friend of mine who was more heavily invested in the fandom at the time had discovered it around 2016 when it was initially published. She knew that I was decidedly not a fan of age gaps, or any ships involving minor characters as I found the way that some (not all) shippers interacted with it super problematic generally.

I was apprehensive going into this fanfiction, as that was still the point in time where I was barely testing the waters as it was. I found myself completely shocked by it, in the best possible way. The way that nerdyketones reconstructed the story alongside their beautiful writing style made the piece feel less like a fan work and more like an original gothic romance that I would not be able to put down. It genuinely encapsulates the best of books like The Phantom of the Opera, Dracula, Wuthering Heights, and Pride and Prejudice. Among several key differences, the biggest difference was that this Ciel was in fact characterized completely differently.

Celine Phantomhive is a young woman in a position of power at a time when women, in general, were infantilized and treated no better than a child in most of polite society. She is a woman working through her trauma, who still possesses iconic key traits, and is on a path for revenge. It has all of the best traits of any romantic literature of the time period that it takes place in like heartbreak, social convention, and a dark romance. I know that this take is a controversial one, but it really felt like I was experiencing Black Butler in a completely unique and new way. As someone who loves the series, it was refreshing to feel as though I could re-experience the idea of it under new terms and conditions with a more relatable character for myself. It is just so fascinating to see what key elements of the plot and characterization change the most, as well as more subtle things like the relationships that Celine has with other characters.

If anything, this work taught me that several ships and characters can take a myriad of different shapes in fandom. Subsequently, I realized that it is both fruitless and foolish to take hard negative stances on most ships and dynamics for that reason because it ultimately boils down to not every single iteration of a problematic ship being inherently problematic in nature. There are always going to be questionable choices made in fandom, but that is why the don't like/don't read dynamic exists.

While this may be the only way that I have really interacted with SebaCiel as a ship, I do not regret reading it and supporting the work by commenting with praise because I acknowledge that it is its own entity. Looking at it from that perspective makes it no different from official projects like all of the Spiderverse movies, and anything having to deal with multiple universes. My primary ship from the canon universe is The Undertaker/Cloudia Phantomhive after all, so of course I would enjoy something super similar dynamic-wise. I loved the writing, and the subject material that the author covers is so harrowing.

Anyway, that is all the background I have for that one. It is an unfinished work, and I believe the only other referenced ships are Prince Soma/Agni, Elizabeth/OC, Edward/OC, and Edward/Celine. I also believe that all of the necessary trigger warnings are tagged, so it is worth paying attention to those since this is a mature and darker piece.

Even if there is never another update, I will just be grateful that it exists as it is, and happy that the author took the time to make their idea a well-written reality. There truly is so much potential in their re-imagining of the universe.

Having said that, I would love to present my top pick from the condensed list of ten songs that I quite enjoy playing in the background when I go back and re-read this fanfiction.

Track I was the very first one that came to mind when I drafted this list because it was the one that I associated with this fic the most. It is an introspective and dark song, with just enough of an antique feel that surrounds the jarring lyrics related to autonomy and control with a sort of twisted beauty. Those haunting qualities provide a surreal experience when reading this fanfiction because it relates so well to Celine as a character, her relationships with everyone, and her ultimate goals.

Definitely feel free to ask me any questions about why I chose some of the other songs specifically from my longer playlist. I would love to answer anything related to the presence of any song in particular and why I felt it was a meaningful addition to this playlist.

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Playlist Picks:

Track I: The Contortionist by Melanie Martinez

Track II: Bloody Mary by Lady Gaga

Track III: Maneater by Nelly Furtado

Track IV: Cake by Melanie Martinez

Track V: I'm ALIVE! by Becca

Track VI: Mad Hatter by Melanie Martinez

Track VII: Back to Black by Amy Winehouse

Track VIII: favorite crime by Olivia Rodrigo

Track IX: Money Power Glory by Lana Del Rey

Track X: I Did Something Bad by Taylor Swift

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Fanfiction Link + Information:

Chapters: 32/? Fandom: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler Rating: Mature Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con Relationships: Sebastian Michaelis & Ciel Phantomhive, But Ciel is a Young Lady Characters: Sebastian Michaelis, Celine Phantomhive, Meyrin, Bard, Finnian (Kuroshitsuji), Madam Red, Grell Sutcliff, Soma Asman Kadar, Agni (Kuroshitsuji), Undertaker (Kuroshitsuji), Queen Victoria, Edward Midford, Elizabeth Midford Additional Tags: Fem!Ciel, Genderbending, Aged-Up Character(s), Eventual Relationships, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Power Play, Murder, Girls with Guns, Falling In Love, Family Loss, Bittersweet, Bitterness, Emotional Roller Coaster, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Canon-Typical Violence, Revenge, Hatred, Self-Hatred, Blood and Gore, Injury, Power Dynamics, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Teasing, Trust, societal pressure, Past Relationship(s), Past Rape/Non-con, Past Torture, Blood and Injury, Mystery, Child Death, Dreams and Nightmares, Crime Fighting, Period-Typical Sexism, Corpses, Flashbacks, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Jealousy, Rage, Resolved Sexual Tension, Oral Sex, Sex, Love

Summary:

The tragedy and subsequent rise of Countess Celine Phantomhive, eighteen, and her journey to achieve her revenge with the help of her demon butler, Sebastian. Not much has changed. Celine is still a proud, vain, Phantomhive heir...but she's mellowed from her bratty years. Her thirst for revenge is just as brutal as Ciel's, and she's never been above violence to achieve her goals.

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a-jaded-mirage · 2 months

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If Jane Austen's Leading Ladies Were Dressed For 2024

I was honestly feeling super nostalgic for those old Polyvore days when pretty much every fan fiction on Quotev and Wattpad used that app to dress their OCs and self-inserts. Sadly, Polyvore was shut down on April 5, 2018, so using that original platform was not really an option for my purposes. Luckily, I found an app called ShopLook that is super similar to Polyvore in terms of how the application works.

Now, onto the fun part. I am an avid fan of any and all literary works penned by Jane Austen. My absolute favorite leading lady of hers is Elizabeth Bennet from Pride and Prejudice (1813). For her modern apparel, I played with styles that were more sensible and academically inclined, yet still bold in its own way, with a comfortable and fun sort of appearance. I believe that she would wear things that brought her personal joy and a sense of individuality/power. She definitely would not be on the flashier side, so the designer things she did have would have been given to her for any odd holidays that she celebrated by family or friends, and I imagine they would be pretty thrifty. I think that she would definitely have a strong passion for writing, hence why those aspects of her interests shine through the most, as she is the closest to the character that resembles Jane Austen's perception of herself.

I made sure to include the detail of a friendship bracelet to symbolize how close she and her older sister are, as I think they would have made each other several while growing up. Every character got a fruit that I felt would be their favorite, and Elizabeth's was a pear simply because I thought she would prefer a fruit that is versatile, sweet, tangy, and juicy in a dry way. Anyway, if there are any questions about the creative choices I made regarding the personal preferences for the other characters, please feel free to ask about anything that sparks your interest :).

A great thing about the platform that I used to convey this is that every single item of clothing has a brand and price attached, so ShopLook can be a super useful tool when building prospective outfits while shopping. That being said, I would love to see more people using it again to give some personal flavor to new OCs and otherwise dressing existing characters in something that fits the fan work.

Without further ado, here are the various looks and a song that I felt fit the characters:

Song: Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want by The Smiths

Song: Primadonna by MARINA

Marianne's Song: The Music Of The Night from The Phantom of the Opera

Elinor's Song: Knowing Me, Knowing You by ABBA

Song: tolerate it by Taylor Swift

#jane austen #elizabeth bennet #emma woodhouse #marianne dashwood #elinor dashwood #fanny price #pride and prejudice #mansfield park #sense and sensibility #fashion #shoplook #fandom #romantic literature #women #moodboard #quotev #wattpad #polyvore

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a-jaded-mirage · 3 months

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Academic Fan Narrative Piece

Hello, I decided it would not hurt to publicly share a nonfiction piece that I wrote for a class that I am taking on fans and fandom. I know that it is in fact hot garbage and just a first draft, and I also know that it covers some topics that not everyone can necessarily relate to or get behind 100 percent. It can be wordy and messy, but that is what makes it a product of my mind. That being said, I am taking a leap and just putting it out there and into the world.

Title: Re-defining the Wizarding World: How I Found My Way Back to Hogwarts

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My life has always been a winding series of inconsistencies. I am a dandelion through and through, and like that glorified weed, I too spent my youth in a perpetual state of motion as an Army brat. As I grew, I passed through another state, another country, another school, another community, and another version of myself to match where I found myself at any given time. Aside from my immediate family, one of the only consistencies I could count on was the Harry Potter series (both the book and film variety) by J.K. Rowling. In a myriad of ways, I grew up with the series and it was a staple in my childhood because of that. Over time, it resonated with me more and more and became something that I turned to when I needed validation over developing complexities that I could not always share with a friend or trusted adult.

These winding vines of commonality started forming as I truly understood what it was to be considered a cultural “other”. I experienced heinous instances of racism during my formative years, from being called racial slurs by my peers, to educators singling me out because I happened to look the part of what they subconsciously considered a delinquent. Of these instances, the first would have to be those communal lunch times from elementary school to high school. I brought my lunch for school in a thermos that was carefully wrapped up in a kitchen cloth and put inside my favorite lunchbox with blue butterflies on the front. Inside of it I would have something like rice, sinigang, adobo, chorizo (with warmed flour tortillas), tamales, or my personal favorite for school lunch, ginataang kalabasa. I would be so excited to eat what I had packed, only to open my thermos later, and be met every single year and in every single place I lived with loud and exaggerated complaints about the appearance or smell of what had been prepared with love in my home.

My shoulders would fall, and I would quietly eat my food as fast as possible to make it disappear. I would pull out a Harry Potter book at the lunch table, and the words on the page would describe the various odd and interesting things that the characters would consume with one another including things like: chocolate frogs, pumpkin juice, butterbeer, every flavor beans, jelly slugs, ton-tongue toffees, etc. Magically, my shoulders would begin to straighten, and something about Harry experiencing this aspect of the magical world with excitement despite those treats sounding strange from an outside perspective made me feel more secure in any hot sour, savory, or sweet smell emanating from my own chosen food. I read on, pretending that I too was on the Hogwarts Express, in the dining hall with other Hufflepuffs, or at the Weasley’s kitchen table enjoying the food that brought happiness to my soul unapologetically in a perfectly bizarre place where I felt as though they would not be questioned.

Another cluster of instances that shaped my relationship with the book series was how often I would be asked what I wanted to do when I grew up, only to be met with backhanded remarks from my own personal Snapes and Umbridges. When I was a kid, I was told that my dream of being a doctor was “big” or “cute”, and then in middle school, I was told that it was “unrealistic” and “hard to attain”, and finally in high school, they would ask if I had a back-up plan in case things did not work out. I was accused of having my parents write all of my essays and e-mails by my freshman honors English teacher. My peers would get away with uncalled-for jeers and belligerent prejudiced “jokes” without any reprimanding from the school staff consistently.

Sometimes, I would go home and completely fall apart on the bad days, and I would allot myself no more than a rare 30-40 minutes to just sob on my bed. I simply refused to let any of them have control over any more time in my day than that. That was what I faced in my day-to-day life, and I honestly believe it was why I would cling to the character of Hermione Granger.

Like me, Hermione was ostracized for being a muggle-born (that society’s “other”), called derogatory slurs, spoken down to by teachers, and made to feel like less than a toad more often than not. She was underestimated and condescended, but despite that, she emerged as a better person who accomplished more than everyone else simply because she believed she could and worked herself to the bone to achieve everything she did during the series. I will always be one to say that the book versions of the characters will be superior to the film adaptation versions every single time in the sense that Hermione did not need to be a perfect Mary Sue to be likable and relatable. If anything, she really taught me that the best people are not perfect, and that it is okay to be lost, emotional, and unsure of what the next step is sometimes so long as I have faith in myself and my capabilities. She is a strong female character whose self-value and worth are never once dictated by the people around her whether they are family, friends, authority, bigoted, or a perfect stranger. I put my blood, sweat, and tears into everything I do and push myself farther than I can physically and mentally go all the time just to prove that I still put in the effort to be more than what I am now.

Just like that, Hogwarts became my constant and my home. Through all of the planes, trains, and cars that I have taken in my life, I have always had that shining beacon of a concept like a home that I felt truly shifted my mindset from the fear of the unknown in every new environment that I was chucked into like an invasive species feeling out how to be best equipped to handle the dynamics, culture, politics, and social situation. However, my freedom and safe space soon became synonymous with the oppression and the denial of the existence and identity of an entire legitimate group within our society. The writer of the series held so deep in my heart for how inclusive I felt the series was toward individuals who felt like they did not belong had never been inclusive after all. It was then that Hogwarts felt as though it was on fire, as every single facet of the canon was cheap and inauthentic, and the representation that I had hailed from Cho Chang felt insincere and lacking.

From that point on, I no longer felt secure in outwardly expressing my love for that fandom, as it felt disrespectful to the entire transgender and gender-fluid community in the sense that it felt like I would be endorsing someone no better than everyone from my formative years who made my life hell. I stopped buying new merch as well as anything commercially associated with Harry Potter that could somehow benefit J.K. Rowling’s pockets. However, every time I felt as though the dementors were showing up again, there was always immense horrible guilt I could not escape when picking up my first edition books or watching the movies I had already owned years prior on CD. Even though I was not actively stimulating that material aspect of fandom anymore, I felt like I was still part of the problem for returning to the ways that I had interacted with the series before. That was when I discovered fanfiction meaningfully and began interacting more closely with the real people behind sites like Tumblr and AO3 who were actively reclaiming Harry Potter, its stories, and its characters in new and far more interesting and inclusive ways.

The vast online fandom of Harry Potter has spent the last few years removing J.K. Rowling and her presence in the fan narrative and redefining everything about the wizarding world. They snatch the best of the series straight from the problematic grasp of the author, and transform it into something worthy of standing by. Something that is genuinely inclusive in nature with every fanfiction, edit, and piece of art that tells J.K. Rowling that she is no longer welcome in the community and gives Harry Potter back to the people who loved it in a way that supports the small writers, artists, and creators on all of the heavy-hitting fandom sites. I have put my support into fan-made projects like The Marauders: Rise of the Order which was made by a non-profit organization whose goal is to create representation for the LGBTQIA+ community and for people of color within the Harry Potter universe using the Marauders era.

I know that expressing my thoughts and feelings on this matter will always be sensitive and hard to approach under the best of circumstances, and I completely understand why. That is why it means a lot to me that the fandom community has been fighting hard to reclaim Hogwarts in the interest of transforming it into something better than it ever was before. I no longer need to interact with any of J.K. Rowling’s words to feel as though the place in my heart that holds Harry Potter eternally is being supplemented, as I now just need to turn to better works within the same universe that go farther than she ever could with ease on any electronic device with a screen. I stand in solidarity with everyone else redefining what it means to be a Potterhead. Hogwarts is my home, and in the words of Albus Dumbledore, “To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure” (Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone). The death of this series as it once was gave the books and movies a chance to be reborn in the image of a brighter future.

#harry potter #potterhead #nonfiction #personal narrative #hermione granger #chaotic academia #writing #first person writing #first person pov #narrative

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