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whitechurchandinsanity · 4 years

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grumbles & rambles #1

I know nothing comes convenient for me.

If it's done too easily, too nicely, too swiftly,

Then I must be bound for something horribly wrong—

That will only shatter me.

I'm afraid of laughing endlessly, of accepting gay,

Because I know pain and sadness and emptiness are its loyal neighbors.

But then again,

I have this theory,

That I attract what I feel.

I must be too sad then.

Too uncertain

Too lonely

Too much

Much less

#sad boy #sad girl #lonely boy #lonely girl #im devasted #poemsporn #poems on tumblr #spilled feelings #spilled words #spilled poetry #spilled thoughts #spilled ink #spilled emotions #spilled love #spilled prose #prose poetry #poem #poets on tumblr

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whitechurchandinsanity · 4 years

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Though I try and find too many ways to,

what else is there when the people themselves don't love what they do?

I wonder how I had managed to stay and stay and stay,

but then it's easier to love what I'd known to love day by day.

I myself am very much afraid, as I grow older,

I start to see things, experience things, and become stronger and bolder.

I tell myself that I can't and won't and don't quit,

but then again, I don't say NO when I want to stop it.

If, due to a miracle, I'll be able to survive,

the haunting question remains: will I then be alive?

I can't even say, bet only time will tell.

oh, how I just wish myself well

#spilled ink #poetry #writers #words #thoughts #lost #confused #spilled words #spilled poetry #spilled feelings #spilled thoughts #spilled emotions #spilled prose #spilled love #poem #poemsporn #poems on tumblr

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whitechurchandinsanity · 5 years

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The way you look at me hasn't changed, no, not at all.

I draw you when I near,

you draw me when you're here.

You always start our sparse conversations,

and I always seem to be the timid person.

The set-up is with you looking at me,

and with me looking to leave.

You make me nervous.

You're so assertive.

I make you..., what?

Wish I could scavenge your mind.

Our situation hasn't changed, no, not at all.

Your heart is still, presumably, hers.

I wish time would just stop,

And the entourage would begone.

No rules to limit,

No feelings to suppress,

None to lose or win,

Again, I'd confess,

—wordlessly.

The way I feel about you hasn't changed, no, not at all.

Uncertain, against all odds,

The thought of you makes me want to cry.

Certain, despite overwhelming,

Your presence, I sense, without having to try.

I'd say no,

It's nothing.

We're nothing.

You're nothing.

But fate says yes,

It's something.

We're a lot of things.

You're everything.

Why do you keep looking at me? Why, why, why

#spilled ink #thoughts #poetry #words #writers #poem #unrequited #forbidden #attraction #soulmates #fate #red string #what if #crush #excerpt from my life #he might be the one #but for him she's the one

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whitechurchandinsanity · 5 years

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U.N.S.P.OK.E.N.

We are

Lightly glancing

Always tense

Rarely talking

Sometimes blessed

Almost touching

Almost there

Not quite right

Nothing's fair

Often further

Unexpected

Tilting nearer

All enchanted

Nightmares soft

Tension wild

Thoughtless thought

Seek and hide

Wandering, wondering

Lips sealed, mouth shut

Sinking, drowning

Eyes closed, heart's not

What has begun?

Already the end

Yours has been sealed

Mine? little left

We are

—

#spilled ink #poetry #thoughts #words #writers #poem #an excerpt #attraction #tension #poemsporn #forbidden #whatif #fate #red string #destiny #bittersweet #poets on tumblr #poet corner #better left unsaid

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whitechurchandinsanity · 5 years

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Though I know it's difficult

to fall for your professor

Though I know it's impossible

to be more than a student

.

Al

Though I know it won't happen

no not at all

.

It's the thrill of it

That keeps me

wanting

to

f

a

l

l.

#spilled ink #spilled words #poetry #writers #thoughts #words #spilled feelings #poem #forbidden #attraction #student x teacher #student x professor #love #lust #admiration #crush #poets on tumblr #poemsporn #spilled thoughts

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whitechurchandinsanity · 5 years

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Thank you.

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whitechurchandinsanity · 5 years

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Want it? Do it.

No one else will.

Do it.

#Do it.#inspiration #motivation #never ready #thoughts #spilled ink #spilled feelings #spilled thoughts #spilled words

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whitechurchandinsanity · 5 years

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God has a strange sense of humour.

After Chaos and self-destruction,

Tears and heartbreaks,

Uncertainties and sacrifices,

Redemption—

He will set everything into place,

Perfectly,

Beautifully,

And jumble them once more.

"Again," He says.

Just when the boy finally looked at the girl's way.

Just when the girl finally began loving herself and accepting love.

Just when the boy and the girl finally meet, unexpectedly, perfectly, beautifully...

"Again,"

and that's too terrible.

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whitechurchandinsanity · 5 years

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I think it's coming back.

“I can’t possibly like you. I don't—well, not yet. If you compare it to what I have felt over the course of my ventures, this isn’t worth writing for. Yet here I am. I’m writing about this. I’m writing about the way you make me feel. I’m writing about the way you command the class’ attention. I’m writing about the way you effortlessly express your emotions. I’m writing about the way you and your infinite charms flood the room. I’m writing about the way you firmly held my hand. I’m writing about the way you stared at me. I’m writing about the way you talked to me. I’m writing about the ways… …the ways you made me feel. You can’t possibly like me. You don’t seem as the type of man. Or maybe you are, it’s just clandestinely. If I would list down the times you made me feel special, I wouldn’t remember all of it. My feelings for you aren’t strong enough. Yet it’s enough to light up the whole room. It’s enough to have whole of my eyes and of my ears on you and only you. It’s enough to forget about all the other boys who fail to grasp my attention. It’s enough to be only you.”

— 1 in a million writings. (via whitechurchandinsanity)

The City of Tragic Souls

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whitechurchandinsanity · 5 years

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So, don't tell me we did it wrong.

He tried to hold on. He had placed a huge amount of effort to keep the key to his locked heart hidden and kept safe with one. He wanted to continue what he had began, what he had grown accustomed to. He didn't do anything wrong.

I tried to aid him in it. Even if there were such feelings, such tension when we're near. Not even our eyes held on for long. Because I know better than to become a catalyst, and then play victim. I didn't do anything wrong.

There weren't no explicit interactions, forbidden codes and secrets—no, nothing.

Perhaps his only mistake was his impatience. And mine was my arrogance.

It's just that, no matter what, lost, tattered, and incomplete souls would want to become whole.

#do you believe in soulmates?#fate #coincidence #forbidden #fatal #attraction #admiration #spilled ink #writers #words #thoughts #spilled words #spilled thoughts #spilled feelings #writers on tumblr #poets on tumblr #prose #poemsporn

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whitechurchandinsanity · 5 years

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I find it interesting and quite funny, how certain circumstances shape the way we think, feel, and interact with a stranger. That, if it were the other way around, or any other way apart from what had just been, then we wouldn't feel as much or as less, that we would react much differently, and we wouldn't think of them at all.

#synchronicity #fate #coincidence #soulmate #spilled ink #writers #thoughts #words #spilled feelings #spilled words #spilled thoughts #writers on tumblr #poemsporn #excerpt from my journal #attraction #limerence

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whitechurchandinsanity · 5 years

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I have this habit

of

looking down

looking up

looking away—

when he catches my eyes,

and I catch his.

For I fear that

my eyes are amplifiers

too intense

too raw

too vulnerable—

that once our eyes lock,

more than a comfortable second,

our souls would crash and ignite, and

he would know right away.

—ispywithmylittleeyeagirlwhodesirestostareattheireyesbutcant

#eye contact #eye to eye #an eye for an eye will make the whole world blind #eyes are the windows to the soul #spilled ink #spilled words #spilled feelings #spilled thoughts #poetry #poets on tumblr #writers on tumblr #fatal attraction #intensity #rawness #vulnerability #him #poemsporn

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whitechurchandinsanity · 5 years

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He says my voice sounds like spoken poetry.

In my mind, he is poetry.

oneofthenicestcomplimentsineverthoughtidbereceiving

#spilled ink #poetry #spilled words #spilled thoughts #spilled feelings #writers #words #thoughts #poets on tumblr #writers on tumblr #poem #he is beautiful #compliment #voice #spoken poetry

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whitechurchandinsanity · 5 years

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Karma says hi.

Hey you, hello there.

In the circle of life, I'm bound to heaven and hell.

But I've been doused with too much bliss lately—

from dehydrated hearts and broken toys.

I've always known I will atone for the sins of crying boys.

And boy oh boy,

Upon meeting the boy, I'm sure where I'm heading.

I am preparing, conditioning, training myself

For I will not have you

Even if I might end up wanting you.

#thankyouinadvance #spilled ink #spilled words #spilled thoughts #spilled feelings #writers #thoughts #words #poetry #poem #poemsporn #prose #forbidden #impossible #chaos #attraction #love?#boy

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whitechurchandinsanity · 5 years

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So tell me,

How to begin this love story,

When whenever we see each other

We only look at one another

For far greater frequencies

For far longer seconds

than strangers would

But never introduce ourselves to each other

like strangers would

It's as if I know you already

And you know who I am

You look at me a lot.

I noticed.

I look at you too.

Now that I've dedicated a poem to you

I guess this is where You begins

#love story #You begins now #spilled ink #spilled words #spilled thoughts #spilled feelings #poetry #thoughts #poem #writers #writers on tumblr #at first sight #attraction #admiration #coincidence #fate #soulmate

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whitechurchandinsanity · 5 years

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from and for the underrated, the underdogs.

#spilled ink #spilled words #spilled thoughts #spilled feelings #thoughts #words #poetry #poem #writers on tumblr #poets on tunblr #poet corner #underrated #underdogs #invisible #writers

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whitechurchandinsanity · 5 years

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There’s something different with him today. Or maybe it’s just me, filtering all his words and actions and his entirety to suit what I’m subconsciously and instinctively imagining and hoping for.

—excerptfromastoryimcurrentlywriting

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