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echthr0s · 2 years

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every once in a while I think about the sheer wealth of courage (and, let's be real, in-person social support and stability) that it took for Heather Havrilesky to go, "actually, yes, I will write a book about marriage that puts the warts and ugliness of being a messy human who is emotionally and legally attached to another messy human long-term on full display, and also I will let the New York Times publish a particularly warty excerpt of it for all the rabid Twitter hounds to see" like to me that sounds utterly mad of her but I'm so glad she did it

we all talk a good game about existing as wholly ourselves, without apology, but the more we understand about what it means to be wholly ourselves the more daunting the task becomes. the depths are deep indeed, and there be monsters. I've definitely made a practice (born of spite, of course, which I seem to have more of a wellspring of than I'd originally thought) of trotting out those monsters as "fun and sexy of me" but that has to come with the caveat that no one else necessarily agrees. to the reader, I'm probably just a bundle of monsters. but that has to be okay, too. self-acceptance has to be weighed against people-pleasing, every hour of the day, every day of the year, and at some point one is always forced to choose

and if we choose radical self-acceptance, you'd think it'd make sense that we'd choose it for other people as well -- that we'd radically accept their radical self-acceptance. except, that isn't always how it works. we see someone else doing it and immediately think, "no, not like that". because we're people and to be a people is to be contradictory and hypocritical and judgemental -- it's unavoidable. either you suppress it and pretend to a standard of loftiness that just makes you look silly, or you learn to laugh about it and try to keep it on a leash. (or you vacillate between both of those at whim!) but it's so, so easy when someone's a public figure... so easy to pedestalise them without even realising that's what you're doing. so easy to go, "well, they should be better than the rest of us, and if they're not, they should at least learn to pretend to be, especially if they're going to write a book".

because what being radically honest and self-revealing in public (extreme public, in front of potentially millions of people) means is that many, many people will have to face the ways in which they are exactly like you, and if they aren't already practiced in facing that, they will get angry. and they will blame you for their anger. they will assume that you're a bad person in a bad marriage (which was only made bad because of your poisonous existence, of course) and you should probably live alone in a cave forever and never darken the doorstep of any of us perfect, infallible, pristine humans ever again.

but there's something so interesting about being a ~bad person~, an uncompromisingly ugly mess of a human being that is honestly just trying their best. sometimes someone else goes, "yeah, me too. wanna buy a house together?" and you have to spend your whole life figuring out why in the cinnamon toast fuck they'd ever want to do that. that's the wonder of it all. underneath all the mess, underneath the snippy thoughts and the petty arguments and the childlike petulance and all the other day-to-day bullshit is the wonder of it all -- that none of that day-to-day bullshit matters as much as whatever it is you're building together, even if you can't see what it is, even if it feels pointless, even if you sometimes think maybe you should have built something else instead. you're still here, doing this day-to-day bullshit, because... why? that's the wonder. I haven't read Havrilesky's book yet, but I bet that's in there somewhere. the sheer naked wonder of being ugly and messy and weird and loved.

I guess I can radically accept the rabid Twitter hounds (et al) who would not accept me or Havrilesky or anyone else that doesn't fit their woefully misguided idea of personhood. accept, but always keep a rolled-up newspaper at hand

#singularity.txt #there's like fifteen different points in this post and that's radically sexy of me #fuck making sense

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geekkatsblog · 3 years

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Yup it's that time again! Headcannon time. Bruce edition

Where I completely ignore the comics I've read in favor of imagining stories where DC actually allows its characters to be happy.

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Before Bruce tried and failed to cut Tim off of coffee as seen in my (Videos the Batkids posted that went Viral headcannon) Clark first tried it on him.

The whole thing started on the watchtower when Bruce actually broke a yellow coffee mug over Hal's head just because he took the last of the coffee. Hal was clutching his head in pain meanwhile Clark looked on at his boyfriend in horror.

"Bruce you're Addicted to coffee."

"No I'm not I can stop anytime I want I just choose not to."

Clark looked highly amused by that answer for some reason.

"You literally just used the line of every addict in denial. I bet you couldn't last a day without a cup."

And because Bruce was a sucker to prove people wrong he accepted the challenge. With the prize being that Clark would finally get rid of that God awful tacky brown suit with the elbow patches he got from the 2nd hand thrift store down town.

He made it 2 days with little problems before it all went down hill. Bruce was working a particularly rough case and ended up running off of a 10 minute nap, and it was at that moment he realized exactly what he had given up.

The events were as followed:

The Batkids all temporarily started to move to Jason's apartment just to avoid Bruce's wrath. Breaking the coffee machine because, "If I can't have any no one can," was the last straw. Tim a fellow not coffee addict who could stop anytime he wanted, almost started world war 3 because of it.

He told off a cocky executive who really was getting on his nerves by talking down to everyone. He may or may not have outed the man's secret affair with the secretary downstairs along with the fact that his thick luscious hair was a toupee.

When Luthor proposed a project for their companies at a gala, Bruce told him to fuck off and use the money to buy himself a hair transplant, loudly enough for the reporters to hear and get it on tape. It made the front page and he was trending on Twitter for 2 days straight afterwards. The gossip sites were playing it for weeks after. Not to mention the whole thing became a meme.

He was spiraling out of control and he wasn't even halfway through the bet yet.

A week into the bet was when things got extreme. It was in the middle of the quarterly League meeting where all of the senior league members met up for an update. Clark had come straight from teaming up on a scoop with Lois and must have stopped for that ridiculous cheap tasting road side coffee, because Bruce could smell it from all the way on the opposite side of the table and before he knew it he had grabbed Clark by the Cape and shoved his tongue down the man's throat for a taste of the same coffee he had been making fun of for years. Needless to say the 25 plus heros in attendance were stunned, especially because no one besides the original 7 and a few of the members related directly to Bruce and Clark like Kara, Connor etc knew Batman and Superman were dating.

Clark thought it was hilarious and if he made sure to show up smelling like coffee all the time it wasn't anyone's business, (*cough Hal cough Barry*) The fun stopped however when Bruce clad in full Batman regalia in the watch tower kitchen, was very clearly flirting with an all too interested and smug Green Arrow, for his half finished coffee and silence. Clark no longer found Bruce's desperation entertaining and almost blasted the archer with his laser eyes, before literally dragging Bruce out of the room.

Luckily the bet ended that very night when Alfred discovered Bruce literally perched on top of the refrigerator about to munch on single coffee bean which must have escaped the container at some point before it was hidden.

The picture remains on the fridge to this day and no matter how many times Bruce tries to get rid of them a fresh picture always reappears, by the next day.

____________________________________________

Because Superbat is now my current Otp obsession.

Finally watched the new Justice League movie Zack Snyder's version, I was scared to watch it due to my disappointment in the first one, but I must say the movie was awesome. I especially love the changes in Flash's character. They really turned him from cute quirky filler character to the main character that saved the world. Loved the speed of force scene and the Injustice scene in the end gave me chills.

The only bad part was that the movie had several scenes for potential sequels, only for me to read that there would be none. Hope it changes. #restorethesnyderverse😭 plz.

#headcannons #batman headcanon #superbat #batman/superman #batfam headcanons #batfamily headcanons #incorrect justice league quotes #a headcanon #dc headcanon #bruce wayne #clark kent #superman #dc universe #dc jokes #superbat headcannons

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thedamageofherdays · 3 years

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This week's [23-08-2021 - 29-08-2021] reading log is here! I read a lot again this week and I feel like it's a lovely variety of fics. Most fics are Stucky like usual, but there's at least one other ship. I am constantly amazed by the talent people have in this fandom! There was one fic I read on Tumblr that I can't seem to find unfortunately, but when I do I'll make sure to reblog and rec it 💕

Favourites are marked with a 🌻

When life gives you lemons by moonthejedi394 @moonythejedi394 [Stucky, 40k words, Mature] (12/15 chapters available)

Or 13 Terrible Things to Do With Lemons Other Than Making Lemonade

Steve Rogers is a home health nurse. He works for an agency, which assigned him to the aging Winifred Barnes, the one and only Silent Era Hollywood darling. As her needs increased, she requested the agency assign Steve to her full-time. She could pay for it, so she got it. Steve then moved in with her, becoming her caregiver; he cooked, he cleaned, he managed her medications, he made sure she was comfortable.

Winifred's children treated him less than ideally. He was the help, after all. And then Steve had the audacity to go and turn out to be eldest son James Barnes's soulmate. No one saw that coming.

The Masseur and the Assassin by buckybarnesdeservestobehappy @buckybarnesdeservestobehappy [Stucky, 17k words, Explicit]

Bucky Barnes needed a vacation from his job. What he found was a happy ending.

The Words Breathe by buckbarnesdeservestobehappy [Stucky, 1k words, Mature]

All Steve has to do is keep his promise. When he doesn’t, Bucky gets mouthy.

Soft by this_wayward_life @wayward-lives [Stucky, 2k words, Explicit]

The last time he'd seen Bucky he'd looked unhealthy, with pallid skin and greasy, lanky hair. Now, Bucky shone; his hair was thick and silky, his skin a deep bronze from spending so much time outside. He was softer, too; the hard muscle that used to cover him was now replaced by soft fat, his body still strong, but in a more mundane way. His thighs were thicker, his ass plumper, and when he'd pulled Steve into the river Steve had noticed the pudge on his stomach.

Seeing Bucky so happy, well-fed and shining, was a bit of a kick in the face. For all the years they'd known each other, he'd never seen Bucky so... care-free. Now that Bucky was putting on weight, his middle soft and his body malleable, it sent a bolt of arousal through Steve every time he noticed the curves of Bucky's body.

Or: Bucky put on a bit of weight in Wakanda, and Steve is Not Coping.

🌻 Revive Another Side of Me by dontcallmebree @iamthe-wo-manwhocan [Stucky, 1k words, Mature]

Steve’s never lived in a world without Bucky, and he’s not living now. It takes them a while, much too long, to get that awaited rest, a little slice of peace after the dust has settled.Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes are inseparable, history remembers. But they’re not men of the past quite yet.

🌻 imagine being loved by me by spacebuck @spacebuck [Stucky, 20k words, Explicit]

Just after 1am - a few hours after he posted today’s photo - he hears the tell-tale sound of a twitter message. Bucky grabs his phone, not checking who it’s from as he opens it because it’s probably one of his mutuals yelling at him as per usual. When he actually looks at his phone, though, it’s not Natasha

The ‘verified’ check stares back at him for a long moment before he can even bring himself to process the name on his screen. Steve Rogers is messaging him. Or, he reasons, a very good fake. The handle looks right though, not that Bucky knows. Not that Bucky has Captain’s America’s tweets set up as notifications, or that Bucky’s own display name is set to captain america’s bitch. Not at all.

Hey, the first message says. It’s Steve.

🌻 JB’s Complete Lube Services by dixons_mama @dixons-mama [Stucky, 3k words, Explicit]

People just didn’t approach Captain America and proposition him. Although, sometimes Steve wished they would; even the pinnacle of virtue and justice needed to get dicked down from time to time.

Or, the one where Steve has the hots for a mechanic and decides to be proactive in getting that dick.

If it had to be someone by rainbow_nerds [Stucky, 1k words, Mature]

Bucky had known since he was a child that he didn’t have a choice in who he married, but he’d thought he had more time before the day arrived.

Miscalculations by christywantspizza @christywantspizza [Ransom Drysdale/Reader, 6k words, Explicit]

Ransom tries to get you to sleep with him by less than honorable means. You give him what he wants, just not how he wants it.

How to Seduce a Writer by obsessivereader [Stucky, 2k words, Teen]

What's a determined master strategist going to do when the oblivious writer he's trying to woo keeps missing all the clues?

He doesn’t think it’s because he hadn’t signaled his own interest to Bucky. He’s pretty much done everything short of hitting Bucky over the head with semaphore flags by this point. There’s no way Bucky could’ve missed them. Unless… There’d been that one link he’d stumbled upon when he’d googled ‘how to talk to a writer’. It’d been written by a writer, who’d been candid about how oblivious writers could be, and how someone could go about seducing one. An idea starts to form. It’s ridiculous, but at this point, he’s willing to go with ridiculous, since subtle wasn’t getting him anywhere.

🌻 Pod Bless America by Deisderium @deisderium [Stucky, 6k words, Teen]

Bucky can't believe his favorite podficcer recorded his newest fanfic AU of the show Commandos. He's even more surprised when the customer who busts him listening to fic while he's working in the office supply store turns out to be that podficcer.

* The guy—maybe bi_shield?—took his phone, looked down at the screen, and smiled. "Yeah, that one's mine," he said with no evidence of embarrassment. "It was a good one." He handed the phone back to Bucky.

"I wrote it," Bucky croaked.

take a bite by wearing_tearing [Stucky, 7k words, Mature]

"I’d never let anyone freeze to death.” Steve gives a big sigh and flutters his lashes. “All that blood gone to waste.”

Bucky’s lips turn down and his nose scrunches up a little. “I want to be grossed out, but…”

“But you get it.” Steve gives him a pointed look. “Vampires aren’t the only ones who can appreciate how juicy blood is.”

Or: Vampire Steve saves newly-turned werewolf Bucky from a snowstorm.

Leaving the Shield Behind by BuckyAboveEverything [Stucky, 6k words, Teen]

“So, on one hand, we have Steve Rogers - hunk, genius, animal lover. Buys you waffles and overpriced coffee. 100% wholesome all-American boy.”

“And, on the other hand, we have Capsicle – twink, smart-ass, fanboy. Reads your stories and sends you fanart. Possibly a pervert or a serial killer.”

Bucky groaned.

“I am 100% certain I am 0% sure of what to do."

Bucky Barnes, full-time copywriter and free-time fanfic writer, struggles to choose between two equally-attractive suitors, only to find that he doesn’t have to after all.

* Based on a true story *

Cap's Book Corner by Neche [Stucky, 2k words, Teen]

Recluse Author Bucky Barns stumbles into fanboy Steve Rogers bookstore one day...

Cat Nap by galwednesday @galwednesday [Stucky, 8k words, Teen]

Objectively, losing the Bucharest safehouse and its contents was the least of Bucky’s problems. The balding agent he’d seen directing the raid was apparently affiliated with SHIELD, which was a shadowy government agency that made representatives from other shadowy government agencies suddenly remember urgent appointments when Bucky tried to bribe, threaten, and otherwise shake them down for information on what the hell SHIELD might want with a former brainwashed assassin. Dodging SHIELD should be his number one priority.

Subjectively, he wanted his fucking cat back.

at any given moment by honeypuffed [Stucky, 1k words, Teen]

Steve and Bucky find out that everyone thinks they're sleeping together.

Brought to Brightness by eyres [Stucky, 10k words, Teen]

Army veteran Bucky Barnes has fallen in love with Steve, a guy he met online a few months after he returned from Afghanistan. Only problem is, he doesn't know Steve's last name or even what he looks like.

When his sister helps him send his story into MTV's Catfish, he's hoping they can help him meet Steve or, at least, let him move on with his life if Steve isn't real. Little does he know, Steve and Captain America have more in common than just a first name.

🌻 Nokken Wood by leveragehunters @leveragehunters [Stucky, 10k words, Teen]

When Sam's friend needs a house-sitter for his place in the country, Steve jumps at the chance. Six months rent-free to do nothing but draw and paint and wander the countryside, looking for inspiration? It was like a dream. But when he gets lost in a storm and nearly falls into a pond he starts to rethink the whole like a dream aspect of life in the country. And when a red-eyed, sharp-clawed, silver-fanged creature rises out of the darkness, Steve is one hundred percent certain the dream's morphed into a nightmare.

...until it gives him a cup of tea.

(Inspired partly by this prompt a supernatural creature is supposed to scare you but instead it gives you a cup of tea and a blanket because you're having a bad day and you keep coming back and partly by this painting.)

Professional Pride by galwednesday [Stucky, 700 words, Teen]

Bucky is having a very good day, until he turns around and finds himself face-to-face with Captain America.

“Oh shit,” he blurts before he can stop himself, and Captain America blinks at him. “Hey, hi, I didn’t expect to see you here.” Here, at New York’s Pride parade, surrounded by thousands of happy screaming people wearing rainbows and sometimes not much else. What is he doing here? Is he on guard duty or something? Was he just on a mission and happened to be passing by on his way back?

He’s in uniform but with the cowl loose around his neck, so when he rubs the back of his head it fluffs up his matted hair. “I, uh. I saw one of your–temporary tattoos?” Captain fucking America says, like it’s a question.

The A-bridged Guide to Trolling by galwednesday [Stucky, 1k words, Teen]

“I don’t have any money.”

Oh no, now the girl looked upset. Her eyes were huge and her lip was wobbling. Bucky tried to think fast despite the oh shit oh shit oh shit looping through his head.

“That’s okay,” Bucky said gently. “I don’t need money. We can figure out another kind of toll.”

The girl frowned at him. “Like what?”

Bucky scratched his head, trying to think of something a kid was certain to have on hand. “Do you know any jokes?”

(Fantasy AU in which Steve is a hedge witch with a green thumb, Bucky is a bridge troll who's new in town, and knock-knock jokes are a viable form of currency.)

It's a bittersweet ending (if you know what I mean) by relenafanel [Stucky, 1k words, Teen]

“I’ll see you around, Steve,” Bucky answers with a smirk, moving away from the counter with a wink.

Steve watches him go. Bucky’s wearing a pair of skinny jeans coated in something to give the appearance of leather. It’s impossible to not watch him go.

stuck on you by wearing_tearing [Stucky, 5k words, Teen]

“Bucky? You don’t look so hot.”

Bucky makes a tiny little sound in the back of his throat, only to start coughing. Of course he doesn’t look hot. He’s sick and he’s dying and Steve obviously isn’t attracted to him.

Decision-Making in Relationships (Paid Research Opportunity!) by castiowl [Stucky, 8k words, Teen]

Clint looked thoughtfully at the flyer. “I guess your actual roommate wouldn’t be down with it?”

Bucky frowned. “Have you met Steve Rogers?”

no way out but through by hollimichele [Stucky, 9k words, Teen]

Steve never sees it coming.

you got blood on your hands (and i know it's mine) by nighimpossible [Stucky, 3k words, Teen]

Bucky refuses to see Steve after his deprogramming.

Like What You See by daisymondays [Stucky, 8k words, Teen]

For all the time Bucky’s spent fantasizing about meeting Captain America, he’d never imagined it would be while posing nude in front of a drawing class.

🌻 A Real Boy by itsnotbleak [Stucky, 5k words, Teen]

It took the Winter Soldier three weeks to remember that human beings needed to sleep and eat.

It took Steve far too long to realise the Winter Soldier was sleeping in his bed.

Amapola by chaya [Stucky, 830 words, Teen]

Total fluff. Bucky's recovering nicely. Steve's oblivious. Sometimes it's best to set aside subtlety for action.

Knocking Boots With Sugar by buckybarnesdeservestobehappy [Stucky, 4k words, Explicit]

In between summers at college, Steve Rogers wants a new adventure beyond his lonely life in Brooklyn. He ends up in West Texas working on a dude ranch where Bucky Barnes is a long-time employee. When Bucky offers to buy Steve a drink, they end up drunk on tequila and making out in public. For the rest of the summer, they're inseparable. As the summer draws to a close, Steve realizes he doesn't want to leave.

Rogers and Associate by roe87 @jro616 [Stucky, 7k words, Teen]

When they first meet, Bucky is a hooker and Steve is a cop. She's been arrested, but Steve lets her off.

Years pass and they maintain a casual friendship, seeing each other out on the streets most nights.

Though he later makes detective, Steve loses faith in the system and quits his job.

He wants to set up as a private investigator, and he asks Bucky if she'd be his assistant.

Just in time by rainbow_nerds [Stucky, 1k words, Mature]

Bucky knew the apartment he was renting was old fashioned, but walking in the front door and finding himself transported back to 1938 was not on the list of things he had prepared himself for.

🌻 You Like What's in My Head by dontcallmebree [Stucky, 15k words, Explicit] (with art by @kocuria)

Bucky can’t decide if Steve’s a tough nut to crack or incredibly easy. The timbre of his voice, a low and almost amused, “Sure, kid,” when Bucky asks for a drink feels like something gripping him on the back of his neck.

He thinks this might be one of those moments in life he’ll pinpoint in the future and either curse at for dooming himself, or remember fondly with pride.

He’s right. Bucky Barnes blunders through falling in love with Commander Rogers and tries to find a deeper meaning behind the expensive gifts and thorough fucking.

Can I Sit Here? by BuckyFrickenBarnes [Stucky, 962 words, General]

Bucky has unusual methods for getting rid of his writer's block.

Or, Bucky needs that table.

Workplace Romance by BuckyFricken Barnes [Stucky, 1k words, General]

Bucky is under the impression that his boss hates him.

Or,

Steve needs to get better at dealing with his feelings.

🌻 1-800-MAYTAG by Miss Plum @misspluckyplum [Stucky, 1k words, Explicit]

Bucky just wants to get some housework done. It gets out of hand fast. Silly little fluff and smut romp with snarky stucky boys.

Eyes of the Forest by Lordelannette [Stucky, 7k words, Explicit] (2/8 chapters available)

When Omega Bucky Barnes comes to Eagle Lake, it was in search of wolves, a creature that had not been seen in the area for decades.

What he finds instead is Steve Rogers, a handsome, though quiet Alpha who seems to be everywhere in the forest.

#r's reading log #my reading log #fic rec #stucky #stucky fic rec #fic recs #stevebucky #long post

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say-narry · 3 years

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The Tonight Show

>> Versão em PT-BR

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Sorry, english isn't my first language! Hope you all like!

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"Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it for our friend and singer Harry Styles and his friend and new Marvel's actress, Y/N Y/LN!" Jimmy raised his arms pointing to the stage entrance and Harry and Y/N entered side by side.

They smiled and waved to the audience, who returned the whistling and clapping.

Harry greeted Jimmy with a brief hug and Y/N did the same, giving kisses.

Jimmy pointed to the two dark armchairs next to his table and Y/N sat down next to Jimmy and Harry next to him.

The whistling and clapping ceased. They were both smiling for the cameras and sure enough, The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon was scoring very high ratings.

"Great to have you here, everybody! " Jimmy started "We've been on this marathon interviewing friends in the business world and you're closing with a bang!" there was some applause "How long have you been friends?"

Y/N and Harry looked at each other and posed as if they were thinking.

"About three years, right?" Y/N looked at his friend, who agreed. "I wasn't so well known yet, I was participating as a co-star in This is Family, Harry was very nice to send invitations to everyone to his show. From that moment on, we started our partnership."

"Very nice that! And you must hear this question a lot..." a chill went through their stomachs, they knew what it was going to be "Nothing ever happened between you?" Jimmy let out a chuckle and their cheeks flushed.

It was more the discomfort of the question than the act that never happened. They were very close friends, nothing more than a tight hug and kisses on the cheek.

On social media, it was clear that Harry was the friend every woman would want to have, and to S/N fans, there was nothing going on between them since she had a few quick flings with Chris Evans, but only one person knew how much Harry was in love with his best friend, ever since he saw her in the sitcom she acted in, it motivated him to give input to the cast. He himself was that person. He wanted to see if the energy she conveyed on the small screen was the same, but it wasn't. It was simply much better. Y/N was Harry's fit, he had known that since they had spoken in person and Harry had already pulled strings to keep her around.

"No, we never had anything." Harry answered.

"Okay!" Jimmy joked making a funny face. "Kidding guys, it's uncomfortable this kind of question, but I think that just like me, your fans also think that you would make a cute couple."

"We see this a lot on twitter, I often take screenshots and send them to Harry, we laugh a lot, but we have a mutual respect. " Y/N tried to close the subject.

"And about your new song, Harry..."

"We are back with our guests, guys, and they agree to play our "hit the target" game!" Jimmy pointed to three dolls with the picture of himself, Y/N and Harry. There were scores written on part of each one's body.

"It's just a game, but we want to test your aim!" Jimmy continued "As you can see, there are points on every part of our body. Whoever manages to get the five arrows with the most points can choose a charity to donate 50 thousand dollars!" Harry and Y/N clapped side by side again "The loser will have to answer a question from our little box." Jimmy waved a dark red cube and his friends agreed.

The game began with Jimmy aiming at the head height of his paper doll. He fired all five plexiglas and accumulated 100 points.

The next player was Y/N, who ended up taking off her heels to make her move firmer, being assisted by Harry, who made the audience gasp for the act of affection when he held her to take off her shoes.

Y/N shot the first one, hitting the heart of her dummy, starting with 300 points. The next two missed, and the last one hit his dummy's forehead, adding another 100 points.

Harry just looked at her amused. She was good at this, sometimes you guys played this at his parties, it was a game that got on his nerves, because he wasn't good at it.

"Come on, Harry!" The host handed the little arrows to Harry and he positioned himself as Y/N did, maybe if he followed her way, he would be able to hit more points.

Big mistake.

The first arrow hit his wrist, starting with ten points. He made a snapping motion of his neck, drawing a few laughs from the audience. Harry shot two more arrows, one of which hit his arm, and the other fell before it hit the dummy.

"I think it's those rings." He complained loudly and took them off, giving them to Y/N who put them on, showing his fingers to the cameras, making a joke to the home audience.

Harry pointed to the heart of his dummy. If he got it right, he wouldn't have to answer the question.

And he shot. The arrow made a turn and unfortunately stopped in his arm, giving him another 50 points.

Harry would have to answer the damn question.

He groaned in despair as Jimmy and Y/N celebrated their victory.

The announcer walked away and picked up the red box and waved it at Harry. Who pouted in disappointment, sure all his fanclubs would be commenting on his cute expression.

"Take a little paper and read it to us, Harry." Jimmy held out the box and Harry put his hand inside, feeling some papers on his fingers.

He moved his hand a little and brushed at a piece of paper. He unfolded it and read.

His breathing had suddenly become heavier. It seemed as if he was out of breath, his fingers holding the small paper trembled.

"Er... Your challenge is: declare yourself to your crush!" The audience let out a few shouts and Y/N, always very expressive, opened her mouth and her eyes widened. Harry denied it with his head, laughing sideways, trying not to show his nervousness.

As close as they were, Harry didn't mention his girlfriends. She followed his fans that were also Harry's fans and sometimes she saw news about him dating some woman, but if he didn't say anything, it could be just his friends and if it was, she wouldn't invade his intimacy, she would wait for him to say something. Nothing had to be heavy in that friendship, she was aware of that, sometimes they would rather spend their time talking about random things like constellations and signs than their boyfriends and that was fine with her.

"Is this really necessary?" Harry asked in a playful tone.

Jimmy laughed and nodded positively.

They had formed a sort of open wheel on the stage.

"Come on, H! You can do it, because that's what I want to know too!" Y/N teased him.

He looked at her, closing his eyes as if she had failed in some secret plan of theirs.

"Okay... The person I like is very special..." He took a breath, playing with the paper in his hand "I won't say the name, but I will tell the situation we lived."

Y/N squatted down next to Jimmy, who hugged him in a friendly way while they listened to Harry.

"We were at a party among friends. We drank a lot, which we never did. It was on our friend's yacht, it was really an exciting day. I remember that we drank so much that this person... vomited a green liquid on my feet." Jimmy made a face of disgust and the audience murmured with disgust as well, Y/N remained static, because she knew this story. She had been there. She had vomited on him, which got a good laugh when she sobered up. "It's disgusting, I almost followed this person, but seeing this person so vulnerable, so sensitive in my arms... It made me see how much she was the perfect person for me, showed me how completely in love I was with her."

Y/N's heart soared, but as an actress who had conquered Hollywood, she made the best expression of curiosity, pretending not to know what it was all about.

"Do you have any idea who it is, Y/N?" Jimmy asked.

"I have no idea, I wish I could use my mind reading powers right now." She joked, referring to her character.

On the other side of the stage, there was an embarrassed Harry. His heart was tight, because he knew his best friend wasn't stupid and hadn't forgotten that day on the boat, when he took care of her, so much so that she slept on his lap and thanked him for it. He knew how spontaneous she was, he was dying for her to run out of Jimmy's side and jump on his lap and kiss him in front of everyone.

On the social networks, there was no other talk. Both of their names were at the top of the world trends topics, and in the news of the famous as well.

Y/N had donated the amount to the institution that cared for homeless people in New York. In a game of scenes, she returned the rings to Harry and didn't look at him, just went along with Jimmy's antics, leaving her friend completely out in the cold.

She didn't want to even think about it. Harry had never given the slightest sign of interest, he had gone out with a woman in the last few days... She was just another friend, no?

Jimmy thanked them both for their presence. They posed for some pictures with the host and the fans in the audience, both of them swallowing dryly and not looking at each other.

Soon the Y/N's accessory called her over and they left. She couldn't look at Harry, couldn't imagine that her favorite teenage singer, her current best friend, was in love with her, a foreigner new to show business.

It had been 15 days since the show had aired. There was still some murmuring on the social networks, Harry and Y/N had come in to check what they were talking about and most had picked up on Harry's words, they had even gotten pictures of them both from the day of the party on the yacht. It was clear from the whole thing.

But they hadn't exchanged a word, their friendship was shaken and Y/N couldn't stand it anymore.

On her day off in London, she took a coat since it was autumn and considerably cold in the late afternoon. She had always been a person who liked to dot the i's and cross the t's. Why was she running away this time? It was Harry there. It was Harry declaring that he was in love with her. What was the problem? She had been in love with him since she was a teenager, the Hollywood world was attractive and fantastic, but to whom could she be sincere, be herself, be the Y/N who left Brazil in search of opportunity and conquered the world? Except for her family, Harry was the only person fit for the job. Him. Only him.

Harry lived a few blocks away, she closed the apartment door and left the condo, there were no paparazzi, not that she had seen.

She pulled up her black hoodie and put her hair over her face, walking quickly through the cold streets of the chic neighborhood.

Braving some closed pedestrian signals, she arrived after a few minutes at the brown stone wall and black gate.

She had the key, they were so close at that point. They trusted each other.

Entering and closing it quickly, she saw some lights on. Y/N hadn't wondered if Harry was accompanied by someone else, his producers or his family.

Her finger slid between the detailed gold knob and opened the door, the wind and the smell of Harry's perfume went straight to her nostrils, filling her lungs.

She stepped inside and took a deep breath. Her heart seemed to throb close to her throat, and as cold as it was, she was sweating.

"Harry?" She called out. "H?"

No sound, no "I'm here!" The alarms hadn't gone off, he could be in the shower or in the studio composing something.

"Harry! It's Y/N, we need to talk!" She said a little louder "If you're with someone, I'm leaving..."

She walked to the center of the huge decorated room, there were some golden items, it was Harry's face. Y/N smiled as she touched a beautiful vase on the table. She couldn't lose him. She loved him, loved his way, his voice, his everything.

"Y/N." She heard Harry's husky voice, behind her between two sliding doors. It was his home office.

Harry was wearing a robe, his face had a sad, tired expression. His hair was not as she was used to seeing it. It was just the way it was. His nose was red, as if he had just cried.

That was it.

"Hazza!" Y/n murmured, walking slowly over to him, who bowed his head in shame.

"What was it?" Without denying his Aquarius side, Harry answered short.

The woman took a breath of air, until she walked more quickly in front of her best friend, stretching her hands until she held his face and joined their lips.

If you could see their stomachs, it would be something similar to fireworks in Copacabana on New Year's Eve.

Harry pushed the doors aside and took his best friend by the waist, pressing her against him.

How much he had dreamed of this. How much he wished it would happen. Their lips were warm, their tongues met, caressing each other, the sighs were audible, Harry couldn't help but smile at that.

"Forgive me." Y/N pulled away minimally whimpering, stroking between his best friend's jaw and neck. "I'm not afraid when I'm the superhero, but in real life... I'm a coward."

Harry shook his head negatively.

"I shouldn't have exposed us like that." Harry passed his hand over his girl's face "But I had to tell the truth."

Y/N agreed, putting her arms around her best friend's neck, hugging him tightly.

"I'm glad you came." Harry murmured. "I couldn't stand another day without talking to you."

"Not anymore, babe. I'm yours from now on."

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Any suggestions?

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To @leeroysdancer ;)

#harry styles #imagine harry styles #harry styles fluff #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles fanfic #fanfic #imagine #harry styles writing #harry styles one shot

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trans-cuchulainn · 5 years

Text

okay I know it seems like I'm shitposting here and I am, but... I'm also not.

as a trans person I'm finding the online world increasingly stressful to navigate (the real world continues to be exactly as stressful as it always was, but online was MEANT to be better). it feels like everywhere I look there's outrage and violence and the only stories people seem interested in telling about people like me are full of violence of the variety that specifically happens because they're trans (so none of this "well everyone in this book suffers").

and like. I would get it, if they were trans authors. I have written books like that myself, as an act of catharsis, as an act of processing all the bullshit fuckery of this world. I have read books by trans authors that explore transphobia and left me sobbing and hollowed out and yet still felt like a reclamation and an act of validation because ultimately they were about a trans character facing down violence and surviving, not being narratively punished for the act of daring to be trans in a story that didn't want them.

and sometimes, you know, the differences are subtle. there's no checklist: this is okay to write, this isn't, cis people can say x but not y. but there's just something underlying about those stories where you can TELL if the person who wrote them is writing as an act of personal catharsis, digging deep into their own fears and experiences, or if they're doing it as a tearjerker/because they think that's genuinely what all trans narratives are like. and after a while you start to believe that it is, because that fucks you up, never getting to see stories where you just exist. or even just getting to see stories where the violence you face isn't for character development, it's a shitty obstacle that you move past. I'm not even asking for happy stories at this point. I just don't want the crux and turning point of my life to be how others choose to degrade me.

and if it's not shitty ya fiction it's terfs in academia unwilling to find a modicum of human decency, writing letters about how outraged they are about the idea of *gasp* using somebody's correct pronouns. and it's replies on twitter to people who call this out, telling us we're delusional and wrong. and it's queer discourse and exclusionists and everyone who ever makes you doubt if you're even allowed to have community and support. and it's ex-friends where you're never sure why they cut you off but you think it's something to do with your relationship to queerness vs theirs and you know you're better off without someone who thinks you're not "queer" enough when every goddamn day of your life is a battle bc you don't adequately perform gender to anyone's standards, but you still kinda miss them and you wish there was a way you could fix this.

and then you go out into the real world and it's a two year wait for an initial appointment at the GIC and god knows how many years after that before surgery is on the table, and it's being asked why you're in one set of public toilets even while you know you'd never pass well enough to use the other, and it's your family continuing to call you by gendered terms and the wrong pronouns (and being GRATEFUL for that because at least they didn't kick you out or yell at you and you learn to be happy with such small crumbs when you see your friends starving), and it's being terrified every time you go somewhere new because you don't know whether to come out or not, and it's taking off your pronoun pin when you take the bus home, and it's lying on forms you can't fill in honestly and being given a title that isn't yours and answering to the wrong name and endless bureaucratic violence

and I'm just

so goddamn TIRED

and it feels like every time I'm online a weight just settles heavier on my chest, the world screaming at me to stop existing like this. all I want is to exist. all I want is to feel safe. but I'm never safe, because I don't adequately Do Gender the way you want me to do gender. I can be mistaken for a boy and then for a girl, five minutes apart in the same outfit and context, and I have no idea what "gender signals" I'm giving out to give people that impression, so I don't even know what I'd have to do to consistently appear as one thing or another. I can't hide! I can't be anything other than visibly queer! and I want to CELEBRATE that because that's always what I wanted, to be difficult to put in a box, yet these days all I can think about is how dangerous it is, how easily it could be used against me

the world is so much better than it was five years ago. the world is exactly as bad as it was five years ago. the world is more aware of people like me and that means there are more people who know enough about me to hate me.

I am so tired of being afraid.

I am so tired of murdering myself a little every day to avoid it all. of that endless self-violence of swallowing pronouns and names and corrections, of taking off my badges or walking a different route, of deciding CONSTANTLY "this isn't worth the fight we'd have about it", because I know that it doesn't matter what I say, it's never going to change the attitudes of the people around me: it will only make me unsafe.

I'm so tired.

and so, at this point, I just want to lie down in a bog and let it have me. because there's no discourse in the bog. no terfs in the bog. just a stubborn fuck you refusal to disappear: you want my body gone, but my body will STILL BE HERE. my self will still be here. I refuse to decompose under your hatred, to shed my skin and let my bones crumble away until I become what you want me to become. years after your bigotry loses its power, I'll have stuck around. wrinkled, maybe, and tougher than before, but this bog body ain't rotting.

fuck terfs. bog mummies say TRANS RIGHTS

#lgbtq #transphobia #trans #transgender #fuck terfs #bog body #gender fuckery

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