#yknow figured out im a system
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i was doing some thinking last night while i couldn't sleep. i was thinking particularly about politics in america, even more specifically how identity politics have become a thing.
it’s mostly seen in queer communities, people cutting hairs over who is and isn’t “actually” gay. the politicians don’t care who is more gay. they will not care.
i think the same idea of “screw identity policing” can apply to systemhood. i don’t think its fair for anyone to tell anyone how to feel/what they’re experiencing. i don’t think it’s a productive use of energy or time to split hairs over whether someone is “faking or not”
brains are very weird. i don’t think we know enough about brains to fully know if someone could be born with multiple consciousnesses without trauma. i do think people can experience being plural from different causes, and it’s not my job to judge them based on where they “became” plural from.
i guess im pro-endo now?
#my stance on syscourse has changed dramatically since i#yknow figured out im a system#i rlly think american polictics changed my entire pov#syscourse#proendo#pro endo#plural community#plural
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would rly love to know why the brain and nervous system have decided to gift me with The Evening Horrors every day for the past ... week ? ish ? what the heck changed that made this start happening consistently every time dinner rolls around :[
#its just like suddenly everything bad becomes a crushing unbearable weight#like i can usually cope but this is just... Too Much fhdkdl#i wish i could just tell my brain and body ''hey i know this reality is intolerable but can we just like... chill?''#like theres nothing i can do for it fhdkdl so why do i have to act like a prey animal about it !!!#cant i just be silly and ignore the terrible reality around me ??? why do the body and brain refuse to cooperate !!!#its so infuriating dbjdksl#i know its looking for an escape or a fix but theres nothing !!! i have been attempting to figure this out for 5 years now !!!#unless something miraculous happens then there is no escape or fix !!! i would like to move on and just chill !!!#if there is no way out of hell then i might as well have fun w it yknow?#if nothing immediately terrible is happening then i should be able to just Ignore it all#but alas !!! nervous system and brain do not allow for that !!!#(actually there IS a way to cope w this and its called ''have a self destructive meltdown and forcibly get switched out'')#(but I'd prefer to not do that fhdkdl i have a lot of creative projects i want to work on rn LOL)#(also the others in the brain get very bored and lonely bc theres nobody to talk to and nothing much for them to do)#(thats the issue w having a host who fronts for large chunks of time!! its difficult for the others to make friends and find hobbies!)#anyways. rambling. im going to go eat dinner and hopefully that fixes at least a little bit of this fjfkdl#pippen needs 2nd breakfast
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are there any other suspected systems with OCD that are struggling with knowing if they are a system or not because what if you’re just obsessing over it for no reason and what if everything is just intrusive thoughts and compulsions and maybe you’re somehow fabricating the experience but also denial is a symptom and and and
#especially because ocd can be so fucking physical sometimes and i def have physical dissociative symptoms like feeling an alter nearby yknow#i just wanna know if anyone else has a similar experience and also maybe how u can put ocd shit aside and figure it out :(#im not looking for reassurance i swear i just want to see if anyone else is Like This#ocd#actually ocd#did#osdd#osddid#dissociative identity disorder#system#🌙.txt#denial tw#?
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ive spent like 20 minutes trying to world this eloquently but i give up; im a big fan of linebeck just. not being capable of watching over kids not the person to be the guardian of a group of young people he struggles to take care of himself at times and has so much shit going on that it takes about one conversation with oshus for the old man to realize that this guy is. not doing great
#this was gonna be like. a jokey post at first juxtaposing oshus’ expectations vs reality with linebeck but im too emotionally drained#so real linebeck talk in the tags bc idk if ive actually talked much abt like. the specific as on why. iwrite and see him the way i do#likr. off the bat i put him at like 19 in ph and im too fucking tired and just. done rn to justify that like whatever kill me if you wish.#like. hes. been throught a lit hes been abused neglected used ignored hurt ridiculed violated deceived hes so fucking tired#hes worn down over the course of ph it causes him to finally like. express his anguish over what hes been theough its cathartic#hes getting pushed but talking to oshus and being around link loosens him up and he fucking. cries properly yknow#he cries about everything and the last bit of ph hes kind of an emotional wreck but hes finally letting himself feel all that shit#he cries he struggles to articulate himself he has a violent public meltdown as he becomes fed up with his reputation#and it all culminates in bellumbeck just. being a really raw examination of what hes been through and how he feels and what to do now#he hates people he has people he wants to kill people he wanted to kill but after bellumbeck its just. hes tired. hes processed everythjng#and then he needs the post ph crew and everyone they meet along the way to just. be a fucking support system for the first time ever#like post ph hes rhe captain he runs the ship he keeps everyone in line he can do that. but hes softer more vulnerable more self doubting#hes kinder and more hesitant but trying new things and being more openly passionate abt his interests#and he keeps working through his trauma he finds out what else it causes problems for and everyone. supports him#hes not capable of like. being any kind of parental figure to link in ph his perspective on like. how to handle kids is fucked#because his perspective on what a normal childhood should look like is kind of a mess#his perspective on relationships is murky on love on adventure on self expression but post ph hes just. free. tired but free#he manages to take naps the group helps him eat properly he learns his physical boundaries and actually does what he loves#idk. im just. man idk. its still measy but like. my version of linebeck is. i really hate the idea that its so out of character its not him#like. idfk what to even say abt that. idfk what ‘in character’ looks like when you hc a character to be masking in canon#when you hc them to be lying and covering things up and just. subdued bc theyre working on stuff#that they lie and exaggerate their own traits on purpose but let the truth through some cracks like what rhe fuck then#i hate it bc i dont see anyone else think of linebeck anything like this so im scared im fucking wrong somehow#im tired. i recently learned that one of my cats has been burrowing under and chilling under a blanket we cover a couch with#its very cute
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Heyyyyyyyyyy do ANY of y'all who follow me play Warframe and by chance have an Octavia Prime Chassis blueprint you're willing to sell to me and if so what's the uh. price?
#im too scared to uh. use warframe.market or trade chat#i got the systems and neuroptics blueprints which are building rn and ive got a couple relics to crack that might give me the Octavia Pr Bp#if i dont get the actual octavia prime blueprints ill have to sell some shit to get enough platinum to buy that too#but for now im gonna hope i get them and just buy the chassis#so uh#any of yall got one?#also i should um. say#i only have 13 platinum to offer#which SEEMS to be a bit above average for what it goes for (from Warframe.market [I could be wrong as always])#anyways if one of yall dont have it could you at least teach me how to trade effectively? im scared but willing to learn :3#i should probs maintag this as warframe so maybe someone who doesnt follow me can help#warframe#also uhhhhh dm me if you have one and will take my 13 plat for it#ill tell you my ingame name and we can figure it out from there#ok? ok#also sorry if im asking for too much for too little plat idk how the market is on Octavia Prime Chassis blueprints aside from looking at#warframe.market yknow?
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Favorite type of science?
I'm so sorry I'm allergic to smart things and don't really enjoy science generally. Um, maybe zoology? I think animals are cool :)
#i love you so much anon thanks for asking!!#i hope you have a lovely day :)#answered#asks#rains talks#about me#look away science enjoyers its time for a dumb bitch to rant in the tags#but like. i just never felt anything for science classes except frustration and disinterest#its up there with history in least favorite subject mode at least i understood math most od the time#but chemistry is boring as shit all just adding but its electrons n shit#same with physics and like. everything else. theyre all so unbearably boring#theyre all too smart for me. my brain could never figure out the sciences#stem has never been a dream of mine and im glad bevause im the worst at it#yknow what okay maybe astrophysics is cool i did enjoy that class and did kinda enjoy learnign about stars#it kicked off my nrw worldbuildong quirk of gotta makke the solar system first#tho i dotn remember anything from class and just have to watch through artifexian vids instead#but yeah. sciencd sucks for me#i suck at science and i hate it because i never felt like i had a chance because my brain just isnt wired for it#and it makes things so gross and uncomfortable !!! i never want to know about the little bugs all over everything#i hate knowing what a parasite is. i dont care that rainbows are light refraction shut up im here just for colors#i dont care about that shit i dont want to hear it i just want to taste yummy things and leave a pretty corpse one day#and istg if you come in my inbox about 'food is science too' im blocking you
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huh... the bucci gang never meets sorbet, gelato or melone
#thinking a lot about melone#i love how even if the stand system is called inconsistent the abilities are always balanced in some way#like... i think the inconsistency is just due to araki figuring out what he wants to do with it and thats fine yknow#im really loving how baby face is actually really strong but so many things can go wrong because melone chooses to not be present#at one point he just stops listening to melone. like. his user. 'your orders suck i know better'#probably because 'his mother was too good'#like melone gets updates via the main stand but cant always tell whats happening. the moment something isnt going as expected hes failed#'what do you mean the newbie saw you? what do you mean youre being forced outside? what do you mean hes not dead?'#bro has a super strong long distance stand but he has to give orders without actually knowing whats happening#idk i just think a lot about how nobody from the gang ever even meets him#also this makes him a very fun combination with ghiaccio! if i may get a little shippy#guy whos not even showing up to the gun fight vs guy that not only shows up but strangles you with his bare hands in the gun fight#ghiaccio is terrifying but thats for another day
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but like midnight darling with popular boy! reader though (inspired by our lord and savior @heartfullofleeches ‘s post about breeding)
for new readers: midnight darling is where my yan! college based ocs come from. you can read more about them via the first tag to this post or my masterlist
everyone would be goddamn pregnant. literally and figuratively. you’d think reader would be cautious enough to use protection since they sleep with so many people but nope! it just feels better when they do it raw yknow?
it’s come to the point that the goons made a system to prevent you (and by extension them) from getting an std at the very least by examining every single person on the campus daily.
dw they’re rich they can handle it.
in any case, by the time you reached your third year you’ve already impregnated most students and all of the teaching faculty with wombs. you’re literally a baby away from causing a crisis equal to those dodgy fertility clinics and the government from hounding your ass.
for some reason none of the rich kid’s parents sue you because like child, like parent they are super obsessed with you and particularly the genes you’d provide their family. besides it’s nothing a quick cover-up can’t handle.
like the only reason you haven’t been sent to jail is because you have connections to many people in power (mostly parents that wanted your sperm).
you had your doubts about your safety until you overheard in a dinner with crisanto salvador (main yan! rich kid) of his dad asking him if they could somehow implant a womb in the poor guy just to hold your baby. (which actually leads to advancements in reproductive technology in the future, im seriously tempted to change the mc’s canonical sex since it makes sense now oh god-)
there are some of the insane yans that use your child as a threat to keep you theirs in which you retaliated by using other yans to save your children.
cold-hearted or not, those babies are completely innocent and your responsibility, so as much as possible you do everything in your power to keep them out of harm’s way.
…
there’s definitely an underground market for your jizz i’m sorry-
©️ hana.no.seiiki - yun | 2023
#midnight darling 🏫#breeder reader is my new religion#yandere#yandere x reader#yandere ocs#yandere original character#yandere fic#yandere fiction#tw yandere#yandere core#yandere oc x reader#yandere ocs x reader#yandere imagine#yandere oc#yandere x you#yandere reader insert#amab reader#male reader#yandere x amab reader
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this entire post about the hanahaki disease and eve made me black out for one hour to draw this
EVERYONE SAY THANK YOU TO @smittenroses AND THEIR LOVELY ADDITIONS FOR FUELING THE BRAINROT
some design notes and ideas i had while drawing this in a feverish, dionysian frenzy, i didnt even stop to think i just HAD TO GET THIS OUT OF MY SYSTEM <33
read the linked post for further context bc im working on an EMPTY STOMACH AND A BRAIN FULL OF EVE
i wanted her to be our beloved eve, but a little to the left. yknow. eve but something is off her usual characteristic bright colors ( the blues and yellows and greens she wears ) muted down to a dangerous degree. missing various iconic details like her earrings or hand-holding necklace, etc
something something, she's losing her sense of self while trying to figure out more about this new, hidden side she's just discovered. the side that's causing all the flowers to clog up her throat and all
also also. a subtle feeling of restraint in the way her hair is now a braid that wraps around her throat, also held together by black and white beads. and the hands, a very prominent theme in her art, now holding her chest - but in a "keeping her body together" kinda way, not in a sexy kind of way sadly
OH FUCK. I FORGOT TO ADD IT BUT HER HENNA DESIGNS BEING FLORAL PATTERN.....
read rosie's latest addition to the linked post RIGHT FUCKING NOW because the daffodils and the themes of eve wanting to embody art but not being ready for people to inspect the piece of art she's made out of herself is. is so. YEAH.
also i imagine her jacket is replaced by this daffodil inspired coat that is the MOST eye catching thing. as a way to represent how this obsession with finding out what feelings shes repressing is taking over her entire sense of self
i wanted to add more eye motifs, since eve's art is a lot about her complex relationship with being perceived and also using that same fear as a weapon herself when feeling cornered (yknow. that one moment with zuke where she starts insulting him and saying he's "one of them". yknow. YOU KNOW) but maybe later in a proper design
bUT!!!! you know how in her cover art, the eyes are also different palettes? but once you beat her, they're HER actual eyes crying and closing. i wanted that but. in a much more aggressive way, like she's actively searching for the parts within herself she cannot understand
god i love her i love her so much guys shes so
#no straight roads#no straight roads eve#nsr#nsr eve#hanahaki disease#purinsu art#ROSIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I HAVE WORMS IN THE BRAIN AND ITS THANKS TO YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
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How do you feel about the portrayal of plurality in Homestuck? Because it’s not good.
Cherubs are “supposed” to predominate over their other personality. With Calliope being portrayed as naive for trying to co exist.
Horuss is mocked for being a system. But I’d say it was a king fun of people who pretend to be mentally Ill on social media for clicks.
Then their are the sprites
okay so
i guess we're doing this
HOMESTUCK AND PLURALITY: A PRIMER
BECAUSE JESUS CHRIST THERES SO MUCH
SO SO SO MUCH
okay. so
homestuck is one of the best pieces of media of all time for plurality and i fuckin mean it. no shot do not pass go i have NEVER seen anything that is more built from the ground up to Support plural reads. like, to the point where it feels impossible to read homestuck without it.
as a work dealing with two huge primary themes of a) finding yourself/identity/growing up, and b) ideas coming to life, plurality is pretty much the Perfect intersection between the two of them. like.
take rose for example.
rose is plural and it's great.
when the doomed timeline evaporates, future dream rose does not actually "cease to exist." she ceases to exist as her own person -- her memories, experiences, personality, thoughts (or, as shorthand, her selfstuff) all flows back into rose prime. and that experience is just something rose has to roll with. one becomes two -- that other rose is still in her mind.
jade's plural and it's great.
when her dream self awakens as jadesprite, jade has a horrific argument with her. if you're plural i'm sure you understand. fighting with an age-regressed version of you, stuck in a traumatic past, who WONT FUCKING LISTEN -- we've all . been there.
she has involuntary barks, she can't stop seeing images of fire, she wants to go back to nonexistence but she doesnt want to die and it's torture,
and then in cascade, jade fuses with her.
dream jade is still in there. that part of her she has to grapple with is still real. her dog who she loves is in there, too -- but, yknow. woof
then grimbark gets forcefully introjected into her. i've seen a few fics play with the idea that the grimbark personality is still residually there (read ygtpoasu), but it's not a huge thing that's explored in the text. more backgrounded. but still! her crisis of identity is in there.
wanna know what's NOT backgrounded
tavros's plurality is like, a pretty big factor in his character!!!! it's one of the bigger points vriska uses to bully him with (because she's projecting because she's projecting because she's projecting, because she's also plural and kins mindfang), it's like. a big thing that he has to cope with and figure out.
kanaya suggested tavros treat his self-confidence as his own brain guy, like, completely sincerely. she genuinely thought it would help, and it sorta did!!!!!
and like
it is FAR from the only positive example of plurality in the comic.
like. look at sollux and aradia defending "alternate reality copies" of characters -- which can be pretty easily extrapolated to them talking about fictives
like. !!!!
i dunno, man. i think that homestuck is a DEEPLY plural story. you should read mtm and kgtac for more exploration of these themes. read detective pony too while you're at it. like.
i havent even TOUCHED on horuss or dirk or karkat here because there is just so much. there's so much! like ultselves. oh my god i completely neglected to talk about ultselves or cherubs or --
augh
but anyway here's The Screenshots from mtm
homestuck is, like, the single most fictive compatible fictional work i've ever read.
"oh im being sent to another universe as a brain ghost? that happened to my buddy dirk"
"oh im one of many incarnations of myself, and perhaps not even the most 'canon compliant' one? haha dream bubbles moment"
"ive been isekai'd into another world? lol sburb"
it. yeah. god. i could literally talk about this all day. but instead im gonna direct you to my ao3.
check out no metaphors and then scroll through the "multiplicity/plurality" tag on my page
and if youve got more specific stuff, send in another ask!
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sometimes im sad i didn't like. go hard on hacking as a hobby and go into cybersecurity as a career. not too sad, mind, bc i don't have the focus and the ability to deal with frustration.
but today i got a couple of excuses to step through a .dll and some other like. figure out what's fucked at a deep-ish system level. and yknow. idk. sometimes u fucking understand a computer system. Deeply satisfying
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i love being insane abt my own oc/canon ship
writing the scene where they meet has me thinking more about damien and linebeck when theyre kids. being each other’s first and only friends and running off into the forest or to the beach so they can hang out on their own terms. linebeck cutting damien’s hair and letting him borrow some of his clothes. damien letting linebeck stay over at his house some nights when his mother isnt around. linebeck’s brother keeping an eye on them and the two of them roping him in to hang out with them. linebeck and damien playing with cats on the island, reading books and watching sailors at the port and opening up with each other. playing around and doing school stuff together and figuring out stuff they wanted to do together. spending a bit more time away from each other as they get older but being able to do that in the first place because they built each other up. theyre comfortable with each other and strive to keep in touch after separation, even if it seems like they will get no response and the letters cannot find their intended recipient. they latched onto each other early on and it made their lives better
#tbh a lot of stuff with their actual adult relationship is murky while the details of their childhood together is pretty clear#and tbh im glad with that bc its a good basis for what comes after when they meet back up as adults#cuz figuring out their history together and then what happens in that gap of time helps establish future possibilities#also im ill abt them just being kids hanging out with each other despite bullying and neglect and ostracization#salty talks#damibeck#damien fletcher#linebeck#like. they find each other as kids who are being bullied or whatever and just decide ok. fuck these other guys. youre my friend anyways#damien latches onto the kid who cut his hair short and accepts him as a boy with no question#linebeck latches onto the kid whos nice to him and doesnt scare him and is patient with him#like theyre childhood friends who are intimately aware of each other’s trauma and identities as kids#and they meet back up and damien is living his best life and linebeck got dragged out of like seven straight years of hell#so the timeskip in their relationship is cool bc damien has changed a lot while linebeck is unfortunately very similar and worse for wear#but on the way out of the worst shit so damien helps him get through the final bits of. all of that *gestures vaguely*#the uh. traumatized childhood friends to insane about each other husbands pipeline idk. childhood friends to lovers yknow#linebeck and damien are the kids who roleplayed warrior cats during recess#tldr they latched onto each other like crazy as kids to the point where they wrote letters to each other even when they failed to be sent#(because linebeck was in a different fucking world the mail system in the great sea is good but not that good)
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𝐆𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐨𝐜𝐨𝐥 : 𝙀𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙣 𝙃𝙪𝙣𝙩 𝙭 𝙍𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧
PART 2 PART 3 PART 4
-------- MASTERLIST
When you are sent on a mission to rescue Ethan Hunt from prison, the events that domino will force you to face the ghosts of your past and your guilt tied to Ethan.
This takes place throughout the events of ghost protocol. There will be a change in the story and the events of the mission impossible 2 and 3. Ethan and Julia never got married, a certain amount of information will be changed that will be revealed in the story.
"Y/N you have to get out of here." Ethan demanded amongst the gunfire.
"and leave you? don't be ridiculous, I can do this. we have the asset, we can finish this." you said as you shot at the hostiles.
"you're not in a position to fight---shit." he slammed his comms as the signal cut out. "y/n?! y/n? do you copy?!" he yelled, fighting off the hostiles as quick as possible as he tried to get to your location."Luther I need y/n's location. Luther do you copy?" he tried again.
You grabbed the asset and dragged her to hide, "stay down. I'll be back." you told her.
"y/n watch out!" she yelled.
---
Your gaze was blank and stuck on the floor as Jane went through the contingency plan in the cart. You knew Ethan would get here, the three of you knew that there's no possible way that Ethan wouldn't make it to your position before the train starts moving.
But it didn't help matters that there's been zero contact from him.
In your years of working with him, he's always found a way to contact you, to let you know he's alive.
Maybe the time in Rankov prison changed that, but a part of you was worried.
"y/n are you listening?" Jane interrupted your thoughts. "Yeah.. yeah once Ethan gets here..further instructions will follow..." you stood up and let down your hair from your ponytail, massaging your head.
"If there is something occupying your mind you need to talk about it. I need your full attention...we can't afford any mistakes." She went infront of you, making you look at her. "Jane--" "Its probably about Ethan." Benji muttered absentmindedly.
You shot a look at him.
"what?" he looked up, "sorry im just blabbering..i was waiting for Ethan to come back and I figured you might be doing the same...cause...yknow.." he shrugged.
You clenched your fists at your sides as Jane looked back to you. "Is there something I should know about you and Ethan Agent L/n?" her tone was accusatory.
"no. nothing. I used to work with Ethan before he went to prison." you stated. The security system of the train car went off. you and Jane grabbed the guns as the door opened. An unknown man entered before he grabbed onto Ethan and pulled him in.
"Ethan?" you looked at him.
He looked at you as he stood up, you and Jane lowering the guns. "thank god you're not dead!" Benji stood up and went to him.
"who's this?" Jane asked, eyeing the unknown man.
"Agents Carter, l/n, and dunn, this is agent Brandt, chief analyst." he went to the monitor and plugged in a flash drive, accessing it.
You and Jane went over to agent Brandt and checked him, before the screens began playing a speech of a man in Swedish with a translation playing.
Your attention drifted between Ethan and the man on the screen, handing him a fresh shirt. As he took off his dripping jacket you saw the result of the explosion and what you could only assume was some sort of escape from hostiles; his body littered with wounds and bruises.
Ethan kept his gaze away from you as he pulled on his shirt. As much as he avoided looking at you, his peripheral vision provided him with the sight of your own injury from the blast. Your jaw bruised and a healing wound over your ear. He stopped and stared at it.
You took a breath, covering it with your hand, "not as bad as it looks...I got out on time.." you reassured. Ethan's eyes met yours briefly before he turned to the phone, grabbing it and accessing a secure communication line.
You went and provided a change of clothes for Brandt, the four of you listening to the speech the Swedish man was giving. Each sentence more horrifying than the last, the look in his eyes detached as he tried to sell the idea of a nuclear war being used for human progression and peace.
"IMF now believes this man, Kurt Hendricks, is a nuclear extremist. Codename, Cobalt." Ethan went to stand beside you as he spoke to everyone. "Today he was seen leaving the Kremlin, with what is likely a nuclear launch device...." he changed the screen, "Two days ago, Sabine Moreau killed one of our agents in Budapest and relieved him of nuclear launch codes...Intel indicates she will check in to the Burj Hotel in Dubai in 36 hours...Marius Wistrom is a known operative of Cobalt, he's on enroute to Dubai to buy the codes from Moreau...Cobalt needs those codes for the launch device to work..." He took a pause.
The three of you looked at Ethan as he took a breath, "The secretary...is dead..." he said. You, Jane and Benji exchanged looks as Brandt stayed quiet, presumedly in shock. "The president has invoked Ghost Protocol....We're shut down..no satellite...safehouse...support or extraction..." he looked at everyone, before stopping his gaze on you.
"the five of us..and the contents of this car..are all that remains of the IMF.." Ethan looked down at the floor, gripping the remote. "And as of this moment, any action is unsanctioned so if you want out.....speak now."
What would've been a defining silence was disturbed by the sound of the train car moving, but no one spoke. Ethan's eyes flitted between the four of you, before he continued after a bit.
"Our mission is Hendricks...we're all that stands between him and his goal. Everyone connected to this man is considered an asset with valuable information about our target. No one can know we're still online..We lose Hendricks now..We lose him forever." He said.
You looked at the photo of Hendricks, "So..whats the play?" Jane asked.
"Wistrom will take delivery from Moreau in 36 hours...now we cannot let those codes leave the hotel but we need Wistrom to lead us back to Hendricks--"
"--he can only do that if he has the codes--" Brandt interrupted
"or if he thinks he has them." you corrected.
Ethan continued, "our objective is to intercept the sale...replace the authentic codes with counterfeits--"
"and follow Wistrom to Hendricks." Jane finished, making him nod at her.
Benji stood up, "well that's simple enough, we snatch codes, we gin up some fakes, Jane or y/n doubles Moreau and sell the codes to Wistrom and bob's your uncle." he clapped his hands and stood next to Jane.
You were about to speak, before Ethan said, "Jane will double Moreau. Not Y/n." he stated. You looked at him in surprise, "why not? ive done it before." you looked at Ethan.
He didn't meet your look, instead shaking his head. "Jane is better. she'll follow through." he said. Benji, Jane and Brandt looked at you after he said that. You closed your mouth and pressed your lips together, biting down your argument.
Tension rose in the air, before Brandt took a breath and asked, "how do you propose we snatch the codes from Moreau?"
"we take her out." Jane said immediately.
You moved back from the team and took a seat, watching them. Benji shrugged, "yeah take her out. But yknow...discreetly."
"discreetly?"
Ethan looked at Benji as he said. "Yeah." he shrugged before looking at Ethan, "right she's an asset. Right, I get it." he said before he saw the look Jane gave him, "Sorry. nothing left to chance he said, im just spitballing here." he fumbled, "yknow its not all gonna be gold."
Ethan watched them, "we don't touch Wistrom. or Moreau." he looked at Jane, "she'll answer for Hanaway but it has to be when I say. After we hit Hendricks." he went over to her.
Jane stayed quiet as you watched them, gnawing on your lower lip, your mind overworking by Ethan's statement. You lowered your gaze back to the floor. "y/n and Benji get us transport to the UAE." Jane said after taking a deep breath.
You stood up and went to work, ignoring Ethan's immediate dismissal and urgency to go pack with Brandt and Jane.
it wasn't personal right?
Doesn't matter. He doesn't trust you.
Why does it matter when you trust yourself?
It matters because it means you're a liability.
#Ethan hunt x reader#Ethan hunt imagine#Ethan hunt fic#tom cruise#mission impossible#mission impossible 4#mission impossible: ghost protocol#ghost protocol
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do you have any evidence about shittyclive being a groomer? genuine question
im glad you asked because he literally groomed me!
note for all of this i am going to be using he/him, i don't keep up with him enough to know exactly what pronouns he uses, if its anything different please tell me and ill update this post. he may be a groomer but im not a twat. also please be patient because my chronological memory is Horrible so i may not remember things in the correct order, but i have all of this written down and i Know that all of this happened
this all happened bc of a server i made called DAAC in ~May 2020 - that's where i met neil and also his friend K (not gonna name em but iykyk), along w a few other people. most of the ppl in that server were obsessed w sexualising me, especially neil. im not abt to put my age on the internet but it was. yknow. not fun, and everyone in that server knew my age btw because i trusted them and did not think that all This would happen (he also drew nsfw stuff and showed it to me)
anyway to cut a very long and unimportant story short, dated a guy, he was crazy, broke up w him and he stalked me march 2021 to ~july 2021, in that time neil attempted to pose as a sort of "protector" and in his OWN WORDS a father figure. side note my stepdad died in feb 2021 and i grieved too much and he dropped a frankly quite ass song abt it but i digress. yeah we got really close knit we were a "father-son" duo and when i tell you the ONLY THING HE TALKED ABOUT WAS SEX i wish i was kidding but our only topics were him telling me abt what he wants to do to his man of the month or how hes suicidal and AGAIN, absolutely inappropriate at the age i was. this lasted for so long that i began to break down entirely and becoming suicidal, also resorting to drinking and hurting myself, even going to crisis teams along with missing a LOT of school because i had become entirely dependent on him. basically he had me on a leash and was using me as a crisis hotline AND a sex hotline. i tried to cut him off multiple times in an emotional state and this obviously wasn't the best thing i couldve done but i literally saw no other choice. oh also during this time he suggested i have DID and i had a counselor for my stepdads death and. god damn he may be a weirdo but he was correct there ill give him that (he did also try to recount my trauma to work out how i worked as a system which. i shouldnt even have to explain how thats just odd)
(another thing i just remembered he sent inappropriate pictures to me and my friend, ill put her recount of it at the end of this)
one day i spoke to K, realised that was i was doing was wrong and attempted to talk about the situation with neil to which he was like. oh yeah i cant do this anymore bye and when i went to tell K he did the same. this was when i was in school which was rare, i just entirely broke down (also worth mentioning every time he told me about being suicidal i mentioned getting a therapist but he said he couldn't and i would also get all shaky and sob uncontrollably and basically be unable to function THATS HOW BAD THE DEPENDENCY WAS) and i had to be picked up bc it was that bad
i texted his instagram begging for at least and explanation and that i loved him and wanted to talk to him again (<- so manipulated it was insane) and he was like yeah but only on weekends and i felt such STRONG RELIEF and then when i went to sleep he went sike lol bye
remember the bf from earlier? yeah he faked his identity multiple times so i (at the time) was used to keeping tabs on people since. stalking. and i didn't want the guy to get the jump on me. so i kept tabs on neil for a bit, which i do regret and am sorry for, and one day he just disappeared? and honestly? i celebrated. also the ex from earlier faked his death multiple times so neils attempt at faking it this way was a dig at that specific incident. it didnt really work because i think about a day ish later he admitted to my friend (the same one from earlier, ill call her V) that he did it and wasnt dead
then he "apologised" to me and while i may not have screenshots for the most part he mentions what he did in the apology which is just. outright admission FROM HIM about what he did. he also admitted the apology was a total lie on his blog which i find funny because he frames it as a "gotcha" when i didnt even accept the apology?
also found out from an anonymous person who knew neil that apparently hes meeting up w people and also is violent w his friends which. ew
ok heres the evidence
(censored parts are for my own safety)
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tw: transphobic language, lesbophobic language, transphobia mention, lesbophobia mention, queerphobia mention
it's more a personal worry born from concern that we're reproducing a binary identity system, than a full fledged thought. also a personal gripe about the idea that I need to be masculine to be "valid" or accepted (which then is contradicted by the belief that all mascs are disgusting dangerous men and then my head explodes tryna figure out what people want from me).
I dont think *you* need to be concerned you're using the "right" term cause I don't think there is one? not one single one that fits everyone. I guess transmasc/transfemme works as a generalisation?
I dont think there's one exact word/set of words that can encompass the vast diversity of trans people and how we choose to identify.
I dont think it's actually that important in the face of, yknow, dehumanisation in mainstream media, work/job/housing discrimination, corrective SA, so on, for us to have exactly correct definitions and classifications for ourselves/each other.
like, people who say I can't reclaim "tranny" because im not transfemme, can't reclaim "dyke" vause im not a lesbian. but... I've been called both by bigots based on my appearance. does it matter what I call myself, what we call each other, when they just see us as "degenerate"?
forgot to add my signature to that ask about classification. and dw that youre busy we all are at some point. live ye life, gurl - ❤️💛💜
Definitions can be helpful and provide grounding. And I think part of the appeal of being like, "this is what a lesbian is, this is what a transfem is, this is who gets to use this and that word" is that in the face of all those really serious terrible things it can provide a sense of control and safety within the community. I think people get lost in that a lot.
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Hm. Pardon me abt start spin infodumping, obvious tw for childhood trauma and abuse discussion - but actually in terms of a definitive split where parts would split off a "weekish" , especially with repeated severer trauma in that period, actually sounds like a fine amount of time. It's important to mention that not all trauma has to be abuse related, and I know systems who originally split just due to ONE specific trauma, although I believe that's more common with osdd than did.
typically a child would have had to have been going thru stressors beforehand to already have a predisposition to dissociation since that's at the core of the disorder. But in terms of what would first cause a child's brain to split off like that if it was just a deeply traumatic week , already considering the turtles childhood pre-split, a week is good. It's also important to keep in mind not just the trauma but also the child's REACTION and processing of the trauma. Because 2 people could have completely different emotional weights on different things. Something that one's child brain viewed as a deeply traumatic event could be something another child viewed as a slight inconvenience. Because then it's also important to think about the child's understanding of the trauma as well. Thas it I think
hell yeah im always open to infodumping, i love learning shit
ok so thats really good to know!! again i always appreciate input ty for taking the time to talk about it
with raphs whole thing of being alone triggering savage to come to the front i figured that some kind of severe isolation had to be what caused the initial split--i never actually considered continuous abuse to be the root cause bc it just didnt vibe right. (splinter has some hella issues but also is trying his best and i cant imagine anything he would do even over a long period of time would be enough for this kind of thing to happen)
and my general assumption was that even as a supersoldier, raph is still yknow. 6. and wouldnt be able to survive TOO long completely separated from his family, which is why i flung out a week as an estimate. so im glad that works!
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