#yk these baffle me bc they always confuse me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lemonhemlock · 10 months

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Oh no, I feel like sometimes I am not explaining myself in your ask! I’m sorry. I don’t mean that Alysmond shippers will hate her as a character, I think many people across the board are excited to see what they do with her because there are lots of possibilities. I meant more that a subset of the people who currently call themselves Alys stans, yet don’t engage with her character beyond explaining why Alysmond is the correct ship and anything else is unholy, will be complaining about her being “ruined” no matter what happens. But you are definitely right, even if she is painted very differently from the tame, sweet peasant girl vibe, as many people will also claim they love her and always wanted this story for her.

it's no problem, friend, you don't need to apologise. 🤗 i feel like we're trying to say similar things here - in my reply i meant that the evolution of this ship within fandom has been driven not so much by the character of alys as she appears in FB and TWOIAF but by this latest internet phenomenon of morality policing

alys rivers has never been a staple within the asoiaf community or a fan favourite - and that's absolutely fine & normal, as she is an episodic character in a background historical plot that's only tangentially relevant to the main series - it's more thematically-relevant, that is. sure, there were a few people who liked her after reading FB, but she only became A Thing and gained stans after the end of HOTD when fans of aemond went online and found out he has a canonical love interest.

so, because a lot of these people were mainly anti-helaemonds, they latched onto her for dear life as an instrument to bully and harass degenerate incest shippers or what-have-you. there are definitely shippers for whom alys could have had absolutely any personality and they still would have liked this pairing. if aemond had canonically become involved with any other girl from any other noble house or social class, they still would have acted in the same way.

because it's not the fictional character that needs defending from evil cheating enthusiasts. no one is making them be so nasty to other fans other than their own hang-ups and insecurities that they project in order to feel better about themselves

Anonymous asked: I think what confuses me about the reaction to a ship like helaemond is that noncanon ships have always existed in ASOIAF. They’re everywhere! So many characters, and usually someone has thought about them fucking at some point. So the singular anger towards this one ship is baffling to me. Is it just because they have canon partners? Is it because of the incest specifically (yk, in the incest family?) The cheating aspect? I don’t know. It’s a mystery for the ages. This one singular ship with a relatively small following keeps some people up at night. Sorry to send you yet another ship ask, thank you for taking the time to answer everyone 🤗 I love to read your thoughts and analysis, we are grateful you share!

perhaps it's a combination of all those things, but then again aegond doesn't seem to garner the same caustic reaction. i don't know if it's because it's a smaller ship but i have seen people admit that a reason they don't like helaemond is because they're afraid it has a fair shot of becoming canon.

which i find, again, ludicrous, bc 1) if the writers have that on their bullet list of objectives, acting like a miserable person online isn't going to influence that in any way. 2) if the writers were swayed by the popularity of one ship, then helaemond should have breached containment by now and taken a hold of the collective consciousness. and if the general public loved it to such a significant level, there's not a damn thing a handful of antis on the internet could do about it. 3) as it stands, it has a niche following. the normies have long moved on because they lead regular lives and don't talk about the same fixation daily. the idea that ryan condal is scouring twitter and tumblr to see what his fave helaemond blogs are writing (ergo it's the antis' job to silence them via ostracisation) is, again, goofy.

and now for some old related asks under the cut

[🎵 i'm sorry mama i never meant to make you cry but tonight i'm cleaning out my closet 🎵]

Anonymous asked: "I'm not an anti" either but the statement that Alys, who also gets a cloudy handful of lines in a shoddy confusing storyline that grrm wrote for his least favorite character is a "very important" character seems just a tad biased to me. You can love her and want more for her story in the show and see her role expanded (I know I do!) but to act like grrm himself wrote her as anything other than a plot device for aemond's "downfall" arc seems a bit silly. I wish she was a fully-fledged character too! Alas, her and Helaena are both not. And both hold similar levels of non-significance to the bigger picture. Hopefully we'll see the show change that.

I’m putting this old ask first up, because it’s sort of related to the one I answered above already.

Anonymous asked: JUST LOOK I'm interested in something that not many people think about in the fandom, BUT since you started talking about possible scenes with Daemon and Alys, I REALLY want to know how she will interact with Criston hahaha Given how he is shown in the series (don't say incel, don't say that), because again, according to rumors, he felt something for her (yes, Mushroom did his job). And the fact that, for example, in Alicent he can see some kind of saint / immaculate woman / martyr, what will happen when he directly starts interacting with Alys? (no, I'm not talking about sex, but such a light flirtation, maybe?) I'm rather curious if he's going to have some sort of internal struggle to give in to temptation or not? (gods help him) And just when Criston finds out about Alys's relationship with Aemond, knowing what he experienced in a brothel at age 13 and knowing that he is engaged to Baratheon's daughter... OH BOYYY I'm just imagining a similar scene like with Sansa where she heard Lisa and Littlefinger having sex...help

Criston/Alys could honestly go in many different ways. We know from Criston’s own mouth that he engaged in a fair share of dalliances before becoming a Kingsguard, so he would know how to charm the ladies. There’s also the implications of what being forcefully celibate for such a long time would do to you – forcefully in the sense that he is obliged to abide by it becaue he wanted to be a Kingsguard first and foremost for the prestige of the position, not in the sense that he willingly wanted to give up sex. It’s fair to say that he could have easily found himself a girlfriend if celibacy weren’t a requirement for his job. So, in that sense, there could be some tension going on there if Alys starts flirting with him, just like there was with Rhaenyra. As to whether or not he gives into it, well, the books tell us he does not, but that could very well just mean that no one found out if he did. He did break his vows before with Rhaenyra. Basically, I think you could make a compelling argument for both; the writers can go with either option here.

But I don’t think he’d be very happy if Aemond were to flaunt his relationship with Alys when it jeopardizes their political and military alliance with the Baratheons, so I expect there to be tension in that regard.

Anonymous asked: I don’t know how many helaemond shippers said they did not want Alys in the show, but I find it funny that this is the ship always being accused of things over and over. It’s the same people who said helaemond fans would harass Alys’s actress, and here we are; it is the self proclaimed aemond wives making videos about how wrong Gayle Rankin is for the part. I can’t even call them alysmond shippers of course because I don’t think they care about her as a character at all. I know you have covered your own issues with casting and it’s not a one size fits all, everyone will have opinions. But when the entire video and post and tweets are about how she doesn’t look like Alys, how it should have been JBF or Eva Green or whoever, it feels redundant. I’m not surprised it’s the hardcore Aemond girlies who are coming after her, but it’s frustrating to still see this stuff blamed on people who enjoy a random crackship 🙄

Anonymous asked: The thing about all these Alys actresses, fancasts or otherwise, is that not even Emily or Katie McGrath (who seems to be the most popular fancast for her) for example would've looked old and mature enough next to Ewan (in the sense that there could've been an obvious difference regarding their characters' age based on appearance alone). He himself doesn't look like a 18 years old teenager but people tend to mainly complain about the women instead which is not very fair. I mean, if they'd wanted to highlight Alys' age in the show then they would've needed to go for a 45+ years old actress, someone who could actually look old enough to be his mother, aunt, etc. if you get what I mean. But most late 30s-early 40s years old actresses already look very youthful (younger than a medieval 40 years old) and this alone makes most of the complaints void as there wouldn't be much of a difference between them and Ewan/Aemond in order for the general audience to notice and say "ooooh the age gap is too big, that's a problem". However most of the ridiculous complaints about Gayle are simply based on her not having a conventional type of beauty like the actresses mentioned above and like most of the fan arts that have been depicting Alys as (classically beautiful face like a supermodel, big breasts, fancy dresses that a lowborn wouldn't wear or have access to and so on) making it harder for the Aemondwives and Ewanwives to self-insert into her. They've created a totally different character their minds and when the reality contradicts them, they lash out. Next time they will complain about her characterization in the show being different because it will be different than the fanon one they've been creating (and sadly a lot of antis who are team green have been contributing to this misunderstandings thanks to the ship wars they've been engaging in, pretending Alys is this or that when there's no confirmation in the text just to make their ship look better).

It's true that most late 30s – mid 40s actresses tend to look better than the average woman of the same age anyway because of beauty treatments and the like, but they face ageism in the film industry even so. Which is why casting an older actress still translates into a 45+ woman getting airtime in one of the most viewed shows, getting exposure in front of the general public, where previously maybe she found it challenging to get jobs. Especially as a romantic interest.

Now I know the public and TV executives are allergic to seeing older women in that kind of storyline, so the chances of that happening were slim, but, at the same time, I would like to point out the existence and popularity of ROMANGERRI on the same network, on air in the same year and on a well-to-do, expensive, critically acclaimed show, no less (J. Smith-Cameron is 65, btw). So it IS possible. Sometimes you have to educate your own public, not just give into demands all the time.

Anyway, I want to touch on an additional point, because I remember people in my inbox trying to convince me that Gayle looks older than her years anyway so it’s fitting she was cast (she doesn’t look old at all, she looks absolutely normal). I don’t know, either these commentators are very young and, thus, kind of divorced from what a 30-year-old looks like or people have lost touch with how regular people look like and they expect everyone to be airbrushed or something.

Anonymous asked: I never thought I'd be obsessed with prophecy in HOTD and etc, but I'm very interested in it in the series and how the writers will develop it further. I love digging into these kinds of puzzles. And very excited about what else Helaena will predict. And Alys too! Because the series shows the importance of prophecies, for example, like the same Viserys and Rhaenyra, who believe, or vice versa, Daemon, who denies it. Most likely I'm the only one, but I would really like to see some parallels between Helaena and Alys in terms of their abilities. Because in F&B, only Alys was featured as a "magic figure" with the ability to foresee. And since we now have two such figures, I would like to think that this was done for a reason. For example: we know that when Helaena speaks a prophecy, it literally comes true in the next episode, but no one believes her words and ignores her. Also, I think that it is Helaena who may predict that Aemond will die (which of course may not be true). Will it also be with Alys? In the Deadline article, she is only designated as a "healer" so far (while all her magical abilities seem to have been only rumored) I'm wondering what powers they will give her, will there be the ability to see visions? Will she also speak in riddles like Helaena or will the predictions be more clear? Will they believe her, unlike Helaena? Because I keep thinking about that moment where Alys saw WHERE Daemon but she didn't see Aemond's death and it's quite intriguing because she really didn't see EVERYTHING or there was some intent... So many questions, so few answers. All in all, I'm looking forward to how they'll tackle the subject of prophecy in 2s.

Not much to add here, it’ll be interesting to see the type of magic they decide to use with Alys. It has to be a balance between real ability but not something that makes her overpowered, otherwise they’ll only end up creating plot holes if they turn her into Dr. Manhattan. The decision to also give Helaena prophetic visions when there already was a character that could have fulfilled that niche is not something that we know how to explain with certainty before the show ends. We don’t know what their plans were or still are with Helaena and how her powers are going to interact with the plot – whether she’s just meant to be a tragic Cassandra figure or more.

A tangent about Helaena and her being a dragon dreamer here:

Anonymous asked: re: other anon: I think people overestimate Helaemond as a ship. i’m sure you’re right and at some point, someone suggested that alys might not be in the show. but i doubt it was indicative of many shippers, as that’s a large leap to take and wouldn’t make much sense story wise. i know some helaemond fans are very vocal about it, but the fandom itself is quite small. there were some gen audience fans who latched onto the idea back in the fall, but they’re long gone now. Compared even to other ships in this fandom, it’s teeny tiny. ofc we are all welcome to like and dislike whatever characters and ships we choose, but i think it’s hard to pass a judgement on a minor character who gets very little time. saying helaena does not care for her kids or her family, that she would not try to help them? as you pointed out, she doesn’t seem to understand her dreams for what they are. this could be explored in the future, or it could be left as is. who knows what they’ll choose for her.

Anonymous asked: I know you're tired of all of these but I would like to address that last anon basically implying that Helaena should just be a victim and not have a bigger role. These people do not like her at all to wish that. The show has her as the first dreamer on screen, do they think that would not be explored at all? And so what if she does take over that arc from a certain character? Are they also going to complain that Helaena, a character who by all means should rightfully have an arc and not just be fridged after a tragedy, be explored in this matter? If she is paired with Aemond, it brings her into the centre of the story. So if they really like Helaena, why do they want to see less of her? They also keep on bringing up the book when it is barebones and the accounts are hearsay. Helaena could arguably not be the beloved by smallfolk figure they think, not with how the maesters' accounts are biased. I'll never understand people complaining about Helaena's character in the show, but completely ignore the other characters being whitewashed. Sometimes I feel like these people just want Helaena to be a victim because they have to use her tragedy as a sympathy card and argument for team wars. We all know how these people react when god forbid a woman shows agency, is flawed, and has motivations.

Anonymous asked: That ask you got saying that anon can't respect and empathize with Helaena because she won't do anything to save her family despite having visions of the future reminds me of this one person from team black saying that Helaemond can't be a thing, especially on Helaena's part, because if she had truly cared about Aemond she would've told him he was going to lose an eye, so how can shippers claim she cares about him when she let that happen? It was such an insane thing to say lmao, you can't even say anything against it because it's so ridiculous. I swear this ship gets the most insane comments against it, it's sad but also funny at this point. And also the comments regarding Helaena herself keep getting more and more deranged.

The thing to keep in mind is that she is not portrayed as a prophet in the books. Nor does anyone suggest that she was via hearsay or rumours mentioned by the maesters. That was a clear addition from the writers’ side. Whether it’s clumsy or well-executed – we have to wait and see because we just don’t have enough information yet. It has to be done in some way that doesn’t modify the plot too much because a lot of things are set in stone – so to complain that she is an ineffectual prophet or that she’s useless because she doesn’t /save/ anyone… she literally CAN’T save them because the authors won’t allow it. Now I have to ask: why are people directing their ire at a fictional female character though, instead of criticising the quality of the writing? If someone doesn’t believe this is a productive writing choice or a believable adaptation change, then say so, instead of wording this complaint in a misogynistic way and using it as a vehicle to irritate her fans.

Of course, Helaena is not a real person, so her feelings will not be hurt by people excoriating her, but it’s telling how some fans are incapable of mounting a meta-textual critique, and so easily confuse the Doylist and Watsonian perspectives of analysis: Helaena doesn’t save Aemond or her children even though she has prophetic visions => she must be a bad, unfeeling, selfish person, those are her character traits (Watsonian) vs Helaena can’t save anyone because the plot points and endings are set in stone (Doylist). I’m highlighting this point because there are fans like this who will literally go to war and fight in the trenches, making fandom spaces inhospitable, because they are 100% convinced they are the depositaries of the one true text interpretation, when their own critical thinking skills are fundamentally lacking.

Anonymous asked: Hi, love your blog, especially your analysis of HotD characters. I wanted to ask your opinion about one aspect of Aemond's (and by extension, Alicent's) character that some people in the fandom love to bring up. They claim that he is a character deprived of love and that his "mommy issues" are the main reason he falls for someone like Alys. Some of them even believe that he actually has romantic feelings for his mother and that's why he chooses an older woman with a similar name??? to be his lover. And after Gayle Rankin's casting some people on Tumblr were saying that she was cast thanks to her physical resemblance to Olivia Cooke (I don't see it at all) which, according to them, was intentional because of the reason above. Personally, I disagree. First of all, Aemond's relationship with Alicent is probably the only somewhat healthy relationship in his life. Alicent is not a perfect mother, far from it, but she obviously loves and cares for him (the Driftmark incident being the strongest example and Aemond himself acknowledges this in Storm's End). Therefore, it's definitely wrong to claim that he is deprived of motherly love and that his "mommy issues" will seal his fate. Moreover, we still don't know for sure what is going on between him and Helaena, but regardless of the nature of their feelings, I do believe, based on what we've seen so far in the show, that they care about each other. Idk, I just don't buy this explanation that Alys was his replacement for Alicent and a source of an unconditional love and acceptance he never received from his family members. Also, after the scene with the brothel madam I'm not really looking forward to this relationship because of all the implications. If there is something that could at least partially explain the nature of Alysmond (and even then a lot of it remains mysterious) it should be that scene from episode 9, and not the lack of love from his mother, sister or even brother(s). I only hope we will get to see more scenes between Alicent and her children in the next season, especially before Aemond leaves KL. I'm really interested in his interactions with Alicent and Aegon after the Storm's End incident and his relationship with Helaena in general, romantic (I'm actually starting to root for Helaemond after witnessing shipper wars on SM lol) or not. Sorry if this was too long:). Thanks for your time.

Thank you for your kind words & sorry for taking so long to reply, but life happens, you know. :)) and better late than never. Now, what you’re describing in the first part is definitely alimond (aemond/alicent), which can appeal to you (or not) depending on how freudian you like your ships. Alys and Alicent are basically the same name (it’s the same root), both are brunettes (though Alicent is more of a red-head in HOTD), both MILFs. There’s material to work with. One can make it happen if one is dedicated enough of a writer. I don’t think Gayle looks like Olivia either – I think they picked her because she seems to be a versatile actress, not because of physical similarity.

That being said, I never bought the Aemond-is-not-loved interpretation. I think there was something wacky going on backstage that got translated via a pervasive lack of communication. I’ve said it before but not allowing or discouraging the child actors / young adults to keep from exchanging notes on their character with the adult actors is not good showrunning or directing. Sorry to Miguel Sapochnik, but I’m just built different. And I think that’s kind of what happened with Leo and Ewan – something just got lost in the handover. Little!Aemond is bullied by Aegon but seems very close to his mother – he confesses to her his reason for being upset and accepts being comforted by her. Alicent spends the rest of the episode trying to fix his bullying issue: she is unsuccessful with Viserys, mildly successful with Aegon (who is a scatterbrain, but seems to at least stop for a moment and consider what she has to say) and very successful with Criston, who takes it upon himself to indirectly reveal Jace and Luke’s bastardy in a public setting and to break up Aegon’s alliance with the Strong boys by siccing him on them. Not to mention the lengths Alicent goes to in Driftmark to get justice for her son – these are not the actions of a mother who couldn’t care less. So, you know. I think Ewan is a talented actor but this unconditional love line must be because the showrunners were inconsistent in the briefs they gave to the actors. Like, you would not be hearing incongruent, looney-tunes-type shit like this in Succession, where characters change their life story and personality from week to week.

#ask #anon #riverdragon #riverwitch #🎵 have you ever been hated or discriminated against?🎵#🎵 i have. i've been protested and demonstrated against🎵

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ghoulciifer · 4 years

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okay I just saw your head canons for itty bitty titties with suna and atsumu but what abt suna, atsumu, tendō and Bokuto (if u can but if you just want to do suna and Tsumu that’s ok 😚) w a s/o who has like DD cups? I’m lowkey embarrassed to wear tight shirts bc I feel like everyone looks at me ☹️ (Ik they aren’t too big but I feel like everyone stares at me all the time 😞)

hc: atsumu, suna, and bokuto with a big chested s/o

tags: nsfw, reader has big boobies

notes: baby 🥺 i’m so sorry to hear that you’re embarrassed by that, but your feelings are completely valid!! though i personally don’t have that issue i can tell you that you’re beautiful no matter what and if people stare then that just shows their character, not yours. your body ≠ your personality. i hope i did you both justice with these, so if not just reach out and lemme know! ❥

» ma’am you would make this man SO happy

» not that your chest is all he’d value about you, ofc, he’ll be the most attracted to your personality and ability to laugh at his dumb jokes when no one else will, THAT’S the first thing he notices ab you

» you just... appeal to his horny side incredibly well

» he never comments on them though. drinks his respect women juice and doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable, ever

» until you express how insecure you are about your titties and he’s BAFFLED

» bc in his man brain he’s like ?? how could you NOT be confident with boobs as perfect as yours ??

» but eventually he understands that you think they’re a bit on the bigger side, it’s just he genuinely thinks it’s just more for him to handle/love so why worry ab what other people think?

» when it gets especially hard he never fails to tuck your head under his chin with a hand massaging between your shoulder blades, comforting you with both his touch and his words

» “I think yer beautiful, Y/N. No matter what.”

» WILL fight anyone who stares at your chest

» yk that tiktok with the guy barking at anyone who tries to take his girl friend’s drink from him? that’s atsumu but w dudes who ogle at your chest

» he knows you feel objectified from it and ain’t no one makin’ his baby feel bad

» like the small titty gang, he’ll praise them in the bedroom to no end, like will have his hands on them constantly and loves the way they look when the flesh pokes out between his digits

» even though he understands the necessity of a bra (uh back pain), he always loves the few times you do let the girls free, especially if you’re in one of his shirts/jerseys - like, he WILL jump your bones

» but yea, over all, atsumu’s an understanding dork of a boyfriend who never fails to make you feel comfortable in your own skin, regardless of chest size

» much like the small chested hc, he couldn’t care less what size your titties are

» but does he find them attractive? absolutely, much like the rest of you

» probably isn’t as in tune with your emotions as atsumu or bokuto are so you’ll definitely have to tell him you aren’t feeling yourself, he might pick up on it eventually but it’ll be much later

» just wants you to be open about it so he can help his girl asap

» he’ll probably wrap his arms around you from behind and bury his face into the crook of your neck so he can whisper all the things you need to hear, for your ears only

» “C’mon, Y/N, you’re gorgeous... don’t let something like that keep you from seeing what I see.”

» he understands how people’s stares make you feel bc he’s aware of how shitty most dudes treat women, so instead of barking like atsumu he’ll just stand around you or turn you away from whoever’s makin’ googly eyes at you

» doesn’t stop him from giving said perpetrator a heart-stopping death glare tho

» again, suna’s heavy with degradation in the bedroom, but will never aim it at your insecurities, instead he’ll save those comments for praising you

» and his favorite way of doing that is keeping his mouth latched onto each breast, leaving love bites n’ bruises between each swirl of his tongue around your nipples

» suna doesn’t really care what you wear because, hello, you look hot asf in everything BUT he would kill a man to see you in a crop top whenever possible tasteful underboob

» overall, very supportive boyfriend, you just gotta tell him when you’re feeling less confident so he can fulfill his good boyfie duties of reminding you he loves you no matter how big ya titties are

» this boy is SO PRECIOUS

» will make you feel like a queen the second you express even the slightest insecurity about your chest size

» much like atsumu he’ll be confused because in his eyes, you’re a literal angel who excels in perfection with beautiful tits, holy shit

» but he knows what it’s like to be insecure! so you bet your sweet ass he’s going to go above and beyond to make you feel better, even if you don’t outwardly express you’re upset

» will fold you up into a little ball and just hold you in his lap, caging you with his arms and legs, kissing your hair, forehead, cheeks, nose, etc.

» and will be gushing with praises in between each little peck, i mean he is spewing straight honey from his mouth the whole time

» “Baby, you’re so perfect, how could you even say that? I think you’re the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen, Y/N, and I love you so, so, so much.”

» you might have a few cavities from how fuckin sweet this man is

» very much like atsumu, he will attempt to confront anyone who’s blatantly staring at you and your chest, very much like a feral dog BUT will stop the minute you tell him not to

» then proceeds to shield you like suna, but doesn’t even give the asshole the time of day because his baby is more important :)

» bo is a soft daddy dom and is heavy on the praise, so expect lots of comments about how perfectly your tits bounce while riding his cock or how beautiful they look covered in his cum

» he loves smushing his face between your breasts, pls suffocate him with them i’m so sorry

» as loving and soft as he is with you outside of the bedroom, if you wear anything that shows even the slightest bit of cleavage he WILL go nuts, so, do with that what you will

» bokuto just loves you for you, he values your heart before your body so as long as you keep loving this lil’ airhead back, you’ll be just fine

#nishiikun.headcanons #haikyuu headcanons #atsumu miya x reader #miya atsumu x reader #atsumu x reader #atsumu headcanons #atsumu miya headcanons #suna x reader #suna rintaro x reader #rintaro suna x reader #suna headcanons #bokuto x reader #bokuto koutarou x reader #koutarou bokuto x reader #bokuto headcanons

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confused-android · 4 years

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Day 13, Todd - Family

----------------

Amanda: hey, what time are you showing up at mom and dad's on tuesday? (7:02PM)

Todd: For what? Why would I go to their house? (7:05PM)

Amanda: …for hannukah? they sent out the invite three weeks ago, asshole. check your fucking email (7:10PM)

Todd switches apps on his phone and opens his Gmail account. The only things in his inbox are bills and spam. He looks in his spam folder, and even checks his agency account, just in case they had, for some reason, found that email address and sent him an email there.

Nothing.

He searches both accounts for his mom's email address, and finds only the last email she'd sent him, before all of this shit went down. Before he'd told Amanda the truth, and she'd told their parents. Before he was on the FBI's Most Wanted list for almost three months. Before they opened the agency.

From: Debora Brotzman <[email protected]> Date: 4/8/16 2:14 PM To: Todd Brotzman <[email protected]> Subject: Visiting Mandy?

Hey sweetie, it's MOM. Mandy said she's feeling better this week – are you going to visit her? Call me when you get there, if you can! :-) Dad found a place to give him an interview, even with his knee, so send him some love and prayers! :-) I miss you, you're doing great.

Love, MOM <3 (Mandy says this is a heart, but in case you can't tell, imagine I put a heart there!)

He hadn't called her on that visit – all of his attention was taken up by Dirk, and it felt weirdly vulnerable to call his mother in front of some weird stranger. After that visit to Amanda, he'd been a little too busy to call her during the Patrick Spring case, and then he was afraid calling her would be trackable, and would bring the FBI down on his and Farah's heads. And since getting back to Seattle… Well, he's tried calling his parents a few times, and sent them an email over the high holidays, but they haven't responded.

He knows why, but it's just been easier to pretend that they were busy, to let Amanda send him occasional messages when she visited home, to imagine that they just… hadn't gotten around to responding to his lengthy apology email.

That strategy doesn't seem to be possible, here.

Todd: No email. (7:43PM)

Amanda: you sure? (7:44PM)

Todd: Yeah. (7:46PM)

Amanda doesn't respond and Todd slumps back into the couch, rubbing a hand over his face. This was… this was utterly predictable. He knew this was coming as far back as Amanda's first Pararibulitis attack, and this is what he knew would happen if they ever found out, and he can't pretend that they're just busy any more. He hasn't been invited home for the family Hanukkah celebration. He's not family any more.

This is the natural consequences of his actions, and he isn't even sure if he deserves to feel miserable.

Fuck.

Why does this suck so much? It's not like he was close with them, anyway. Not for a lack of effort on his parents' behalf, of course. That last email from his mom is typical. Just that it's hard to want to spend time with people you hurt, you're hurting, even if they don't know it. He kept hanging with Amanda because she needed him, and he needed to keep trying to make up for how shitty he was, but there was no way that he could ever save up enough to pay his parents back for years of – of stealing from and lying to them. So spending time with them, talking to them beyond occasional five minute phone call and a yearly awkward hanukkah gathering, never really happened.

Does this even matter? Should it matter?

Of course it matters. It's a punishment from his parents, for being awful to them. He's supposed to feel like shit.

Well, that's successful, then.

Dirk and Farah are out at some kind of trivia night thing, and Todd is honestly kind of relieved. He's not sure if he can handle them right now. Not in a bad way. Just that, Farah wants to be comforting but isn't ever really sure how, and Dirk is sure that he knows how to be comforting but rarely succeeds, and Todd always has to pretend that he feels very comforted by whichever of them has drawn the short straw to hang out with him when he's miserable, and he doesn't really feel like pretending right now.

His phone dings.

Amanda: i texted mom. (8:12PM)

Todd: …? (8:14PM)

Amanda: she said it wasn't an accident (8:20PM)

Todd: I figured *shrug emoji* (8:22PM)

Amanda: i feel kind of weird about this, tbh? (8:24PM)

Amanda: like, i'm still pissed at you, but you know that, and we're working on it (8:24PM)

Amanda: and i told mom that and she said that you emailed her for yk and apologized and that she didn't respond (8:24PM)

Amanda: and that sounds shitty of her? (8:25PM)

Amanda: but also you were shitty (8:26PM)

Amanda: like, really shitty (8:26PM)

Todd: I know that. I was shitty. And she doesn't have to respond to me. (8:27PM)

Amanda: it just feels weird bc she's our mom (8:31PM)

Todd: Yeah. (8:32PM)

Todd: I'm… having some feelings about it. (8:32PM)

Amanda: well i guess i'm proud of you for having feelings? idk (8:33PM)

Amanda: do you want me to not go? (8:37PM)

Todd: No! (8:37PM)

Todd: No, no. Go spend Hanukkah with mom and dad. I'm bummed, but I'll be fine. (8:37PM)

Todd: I'll try emailing them again next Yom Kippur, I guess. That always seemed to mean something to dad. (8:39PM)

Amanda: that could work (8:40PM)

Amanda: idk (8:40PM)

Todd: I don't know either, if it helps. This sucks, but I knew it was coming, I guess. (8:42PM)

Amanda: :/ (8:45PM)

Todd: :/ (8:46PM)

Todd drops his phone on the coffee table and stands up, shoves his hands through his hair, and sits right back down. Then he stands up again, because while he has no idea what to do with himself, he at least wants to not know what to do somewhere other than the couch. He looks in the fridge without taking anything out of it, contemplates and rejects the idea of a shower, and then grabs the pipe and lighter from his dresser and climbs out the kitchen window and on to the fire escape. He leans up against the side of the building and shivers as a gust of December air hits his neck and seeps in through the fabric of his hoodie.

"Fuck," he says, voice lost in the night, and cups the bowl in one hand and lights it with the other. He takes a long inhale. The smoke floods his lungs and he tops it off with clean, cold air, then holds the breath for a beat before exhaling. He lets the smoke drift away and sits with the scent lingering in his nose before taking a second hit, and then a third. He taps the ash out through the grate next to him, shoves the pipe and lighter back into his hoodie pocket, and thumps his head back against the brick.

It's hard to not feel like a complete piece of shit when your parents have disowned you. Like, the people who are supposed to love and care for you no matter what just don't want to see you for the holidays? That's pretty bad.

He knows that it's not like he doesn't deserve it – he did a horrible thing. Like, a really horrible thing. The kind of thing that gets you disowned by your parents. But it… it really sucks. This whole situation sucks. And it's a situation he made, which means that he sucks.

It's cold outside. Not quite freezing, but not that far above it, either, and his hoodie isn't quite cutting it. He doesn't go inside, though. If he goes inside, he'll check his phone and reread the conversation with Amanda, and have to start thinking about it all over again. So he just stays on the fire escape, buries his chin in the collar of his hoodie, and tries to think about anything other than his parents choosing to ignore him, and not see him for the holidays.

"Fuck," he says again. And that seems to sum it up.

Todd loses track of how long he spends on the fire escape, but it's long enough that he's not really cold any more, just trembling slightly, when the door to the apartment bangs closed.

"Shit," Dirk swears, his voice drifting through the window. "It's bloody freezing in here."

"The window's open," Farah adds, baffled, and then says, "Todd?"

"Todd!" Dirk echoes, his voice a little louder than hers.

"I'm out –" Todd coughs, then tries again. "I'm out here! Sorry!"

He can hear some bustling and movement from inside, and then a long leg sticks through the open window and taps around, looking for the floor, and is then quickly followed by a body. Dirk steps out of the way for Farah, who is altogether more graceful when exiting the building, and they both look down at him, separate expression of confusion on their faces.

"Why are you out here?" Dirk asks bluntly.

Farah shakes her head and puts on hand on Dirk's shoulder, asks, "how long have you been out here?"

Todd shrugs. "Maybe since nine? I'm not sure. What time is it?"

"It's almost ten," Farah says, and crouches down in front of him. "What the hell, Todd?"

"I'm sorry," he says, too tired to really get riled up, or even defensive. "I didn't know what time it was. I left my phone inside."

"Will you, um. Come inside now?" Farah tries, and looks up at Dirk for back-up. Dirk has a funny expression on his face, though, and steps around both of them. He sinks to the floor next to Todd and wiggles up close, until they're pressed together at the shoulder and hip. "Dirk!" Farah exclaims.

"Come on," Dirk says, and gestures to the floor on the other side of Todd. She opens her mouth like she's going to object again, but then something on Todd's face, or on Dirk's face, seems to speak to her, and she scoots back a bit and tips off her heels and down to sitting. Farah holds still for a long moment, steeling herself with a deep breath, then presses against Todd's other side. The brick at his back and the metal grate under his ass are still cold, but his two best friends are warm on either side of him. For a moment, at least, he feels like he has family.

------------------

Link to: day one, Farah - Youth day two, Farah - Dance day three, Farah - Gore day four, Farah - GNC fashion day five, Farah - AU day six, Farah - Family (to be written) day seven, Farah - Pride (to be written) day eight, Todd - Youth (to be written) day nine, Todd - Dance (to be written) day ten, Todd - Gore day eleven, Todd - GNC Fashion day twelve, Todd - AU

prompt list

#dghda #dirk gently #DGHDAtober #todd brotzman #family #marijuana use #sad Todd #h/c? i guess?#sorry todd #but you definitely did this to yourself #fanfiction #my fic

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canonicallyanxious · 4 years

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not sure if you do anything like this, But what do you think MNC!IsakandEven are doing right now?

oh man anon i have to tell you it’s been ages since i’ve even thought about making new cliches but it’s IMMENSELY COOL there are still people thinking about this fic and these boys!! so bc i was just so irrationally pleased about this ask i dug up some [very old like from 2018 rip] notes of some post-canon hcs i came up with and using those i’m gonna come up with a new list of 2020 appropriate hcs - hope you enjoy them :’]

[side note but this made me realize that 2020 is canonically FOUR YEARS after the end of skam s3 as well as the mnc timeline????? fuck me sdkjfnsdkf]

hmm not sure what the norwegian uni system is like or what quarantine life looks like over there rn but if they’re still in school then Even probably applied to film school after a gap year or two and isak is studying idk compsci or something [for the job security yk]

Even’s friendship with balloon squad still going strong! he’s actually a pretty integral part of their yt channel now, helps them with bts stuff and editing videos and they’re twitch streamers now too so he helps with their stream set up bc none of them [except for maybe mikael] know what the hell they’re doing

mikael made him sit down and do film school apps with him so they probably are going to the same program. Even realized he was into more of the visual storytelling aspect of things so he’s probably leaning more toward cinematography/editing, mikael still on the director track.

isak is of course subscribed to their channel and comments on all of the videos that Even appear in and Even pins every single comment which baffles the channel’s other subscribers bc it’s always shit like “wow what pretentious hipster came up with this shit” and “congrats on being the token white boy” [”Isak,” Even says, kicking at Isak’s ankle where they’re sprawled all over their couch, “you’re a token white boy too”] and “lol ur ugly” [to which even responds using the hei briskeby account “<3” and everyone is like ??????????????????????????????????]

if they’re still in oslo they probably regularly have lunch with each other’s parents. For holiday get togethers they trade off between Even’s parents’ new flat and Isak’s mom’s house, and whenever Even’s parents come to Isak’s mom’s house there’s always lots of jokes about the house they used to live in like “oh HATE what the new neighbors are doing with OUR YARD” or whatever

they probably moved into a flat together 1 or 2 years ago, idk how expensive rent is in Oslo but as they’re both students i’m gonna say they’re probably in a flatshare of some kind. isak insisted on having his own room so he can have a space to go when he wants to sleep without Even hogging the blankets [still a point of contention between them almost a decade and a half into them knowing each other!] so technically on paper they have their own rooms but let’s be fucking real at this point isak’s room is less his room and more the room that has his X-box

for the first like week [maybe even the first month] their roommates were so very confused as to whether they were actually together or just really really close friends [they’re constantly bickering but also spend all their time together but also spend all their time together playing mario kart????] and isak and even probably like forgot to tell them [like they’ve always been “isak and even” u know and now they’re “isak and even plus bomb ass sex and lots of smooches” but still isak and even but they probably forget people they’ve just met don’t know that] and probably had an ongoing debate about it

”Even leaves Isak little drawings on the bathroom mirror in the morning, they’re definitely dating!” “Nah man they’re just friends why wouldn’t they share a room if they were together [worth noting at this point they don’t realize isak’s been sneaking into even’s bed basically every night but don’t worry they will eventually]” “okay if they’re not together they’re definitely pining and should get their shit together bc if I have to see Even give Isak another soppy look over breakfast when he’s not looking i’m going to fucking lose it”

Up until the day they’re sitting at the kitchen table and Even is like “okay i’m gonna get some groceries now” and isak leans over the table to give him a peck on the lips and says “kay love you” and their roommates are like “oh???? you two have finally started dating then??????” and Isak frowns and says “we’ve been dating for three years” and Even yells from the other room “BUT ISAK HAS BEEN IN LOVE WITH ME SINCE HE WAS SEVEN” and their roommates’ brains have completely short-circuited

later isak is still frowning like “didn’t we tell them??? i could have sworn we told them” and even is like “do you remember what you said when we first met” and isak is like “i said i’m isak and this is my boy even” and then he’s quiet for a second and he says “oh”

a year or two after that whole mess their roommates cannot believe they ever even doubted but for the most part they’re good roommates and keep the noise levels down so everything is chill [except it’s hard to hang out with them sometimes not because they engage massively in PDA although sometimes they do but because their conversations include so many layers of inside jokes, years and years of them, it’s hard for someone not well versed in the isak-and-even language to follow]

They probably have a dog. maybe two

as of this very second i hope they’re both asleep isn’t it like almost 5 am over there lol

hope this is what you were looking for anon =] thanks for the ask, it was fun to think about these boys again!

#answers #honestly i don't know anymore what's realistic over a timescale of four years #but i'm just rolling with it okay #guys being dudes #Anonymous

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ifeelsoemptysometimes · 2 years

Text

Uhhg my feelings of longing sometime kick in at full force that its almost painful. I dont understand why I get these bouts at times. Well, I have been into self-interests again fir the past couple of weeks so I guess that pretty much explains it. Ugh, it just? So upsetting?? I really wish I could feel that warmed only a significant other can give you. When they laugh with you, smile at you, touch you, talk yo you, do things together, yk, and so on and so forth. I really dont like feeling like this bc ik I don't in particularly need it and i really dont feel attracted to anyone. So if I was that would make things a bit difficult,, maybe. I don't really know how ny romantic attraction works tbh. It's been quite a while since I've actually liked anyone. I think I show attraction when tge person demonstrates it first. Depending on the person ofc. Its always been like that from what I remember. Friends with said person. No feelings. *confesión* feelings developed? Lol idk. Its been some time since I've had a crush so I can't 100% verify but im sure thats how it has been. Then the question is, did I ever REALLY like them?? That i can't really confirm. In first and last "relationship," i think i actually did like him but (we had been kind of friends in the past ig and then fast forward we became friends again but we were a little closer this time, talking everyday at every hour. he then confessed his "feelings", asked me out and I was very flattered so i was like yea man lets go out i guess lol) the crushes before that one feel shaky. Was it real emotions? Or was it bc they liked me first and I was like *shrugs* "I think a less than possible relationship with this guy sounds kinda nice so yea me too, kinda." Obsesión?? Idk its weird lol. I definitely to feel romantic attraction, but only towards people I already have a close bond (depending oh the person of course) with and to my own understanding, only if they confess first. Hmmmm. There have been time were it was like "oh yea I like this guy" who were my friends but, was that just me confusing platonic feels for romantic feelings?? I like to think that can tell the difference between the two but maybe that not true?? I mean,, nothing ever come from those "crushes" like at all. I dont remember feeling strongly about them. I never wished to be in a relationship with them or anything. They just feel like meaningless words and I believe that was the case back then too.

I remember this guy who was a senior in HS, he had been given me little candy bag gifts. I honestly didn't think too much of it, I just thought he was being nice yk?? The year it happened we had one class together but we never spoke to each other. We did have gym my freshman year tho. In that class we talked, played games together and whatnot. Friends. Anyways, one day one of my besties told me that he liked me and was hoping for an answer. I was baffled lol. He did?? But he hadn't even looked at me since the year that we had gyms together. At that point I was a junior and he was a senior. I had to sat no, I didn't like him. I think he pushed for a positive answer a couple more times but ultimately, I still said no. Later that year be bought me a bts backpack and it was filled yo the brim with that same brand that he'd "seemingly" gift me lol. I was completely baffled. It was odd to me. Romantic feelings for me?? That's really weird lol. Seems unthinkable. After the final gift we never spoke afterwards.

There was this other time in HS were this girl had a crush on me. I remember the first day I saw her, she was unfamiliar, I'd never seen her before. We were well into or past the 3rd 9 weeks so yk, she was obviously a new student. She was caring a yellow sketch book and some other stuff and as she walked past me and iut of the corner of my eye I could see her looking at me. Idk how I caught that but I did. Didn't think much of it but yea. Im not sure what happened afterwards but she started to hang out with us. During breakfast, during lunch mainly. I didn't mind, she was alright. Kinda possessive of me at times??. It was a little weird. At first i didn't know she like me bc well, I didn't ever thing a girl would have been interested in me,, ibwas a little surprised when she told me. I am unfortunately not intrest in women, ir at least i don't think i am. Im not sure how i told her but did. She was quite disappointed but she didn't stop meeting up with us and i didn't mind. But she would be really weird at times. This one time we were going on a feild trip fir Spanish class and she really wanted to sit with me so i let her. I think i slept on the ride and when I woke up, either someone told me she was watching me sleep or i felt/saw her watching me. On the same ride one of my friends has doubled me and the girl said really loudly "get your dirty hands off of her" I was shocked like,, huh?? She would often say things that made me very uncomfortable, sexual in nature. We were eating waffles for breakfast and she was making gross innuendos with the syrup about me. I was and still am very sex repulsed so it was really gross to me and I couldn't stand it. I think she was very touchy too?? I dont thinkni minded thst part too much but yea, I mean, I bearly knew her. I remember her wearing a Vanoss jacket and i was like oh damn? I wanted one of those and she told me she'd let me have it if I gave her a kiss. I think I actually thought about it but immediately after said no and told her once again that i just didn't like her like that. She seemed little disappointed but we moved on. And it was just stuff like that. I never hated her but damn she sure did know how to make me uncomfortable sometimes. But I think she's just in that since i was a total piece of shit towards her. I was honestly quite homophobic when I was in HS so I said some terrible shit to her. She much have like me a lot tho bc she never stopped being around me. I wish I hadn't been so awful towards her and wish could apologize to her but i have no was of doing so. I hope she's doing well. Sometimes I wonder what we have happened if I cad given her a chance. That would had never happened bc I was a pos but yea, I wonder. Probably wouldn't have worked out seeing how sexual she was.

Anyways related/unrelated stories over. Idk who im really into anymore irl aside from tame non human fictional characters that are men. Tho I for sure feel aesthetic attraction lol I can appreciate s pretty face any day lol

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