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bird-inacage · 7 months

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Only Friends: EP8 Sand & Ray's 'Never Friends' Scene

I wanted to do a deep dive into this scene, because it really exceeded my expectations. It sets the tone beautifully for Sand's current state of mind, and First delivers such a wonderful, nuanced performance here. Easily one of my favourite Ray/Sand interactions yet.

Sand is looking noticeably weary after witnessing Ray and Mew dancing in the bar. The poor boy just looks so tired and dejected, as if he's carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Unfortunately for him, the bar is where he works so he's not able to avoid being in a place Ray and Mew frequent together.

Ray approaches and tries to behave as he normally would. He asks to borrow Sand's lighter, a little call back to Episode 1. The camera lingers on Ray's reaction when Sand simply hands it over. Another nod to where Sand had lit his cigarette for him previously. A split second detail, a very clear message: 'It's not my role to take care of you anymore. You have someone else for that now'.

Sand being Sand, is still concerned about how Ray is doing and asks about his arm. They fall into a little routine patter before Sand gets straight to the point. I give him such kudos for doing this, for choosing not to skirt around the subject but confront it head on. Besides, it's not as if avoiding it is going to make it hurt any less. "So what's going on between you and Mew?" Sand frames it as a question, because he wants to hear it from Ray himself. It's the least he deserves. There's also a challenging air in the way Sand looks at Ray with his eyebrows slightly raised. 'Humor me. And don't lie.'

Ray looks visibly uncomfortable and hesitant. I do believe Ray exhibits a conscience where Sand is concerned. He at least has the decency to feel guilty. I think he was hoping they could continue 'as normal' for a little while longer, so he wouldn't have to tackle this difficult conversation. Ray's wordless reaction gives Sand all the confirmation he needs.

Before Ray has anything to say, Sand jumps in with, "Congrats, you're no longer in the friend zone." The way he says this feels 100% genuine. I do think that Sand wishes the best for Ray, because he's in exactly the same position as Ray once was - pining after someone who doesn't return his feelings. So he gets it. He can acknowledge how nice it must be for Ray to finally be reciprocated. This is an example of Sand's 'if you're happy, I'm happy for you' response, because it means the attention is deflected off him.

What Ray says next is also quite telling. He's says things are good but it's very early days, and they're essentially seeing how it goes. "It's okay." Note how Ray doesn't gush or seem particularly animated. A few brief but fairly non-descriptive comments. You'd expect him to be over the moon. I feel like this is Ray's attempt to be minimise the damage by downplaying things. He doesn't want to overly dwell or flaunt his happiness in Sand's face. I also believe there's a degree of honesty here, that Ray has some genuine reservations about Mew and their future as a couple, (that perhaps he's been trying to ignore).

The next few lines absolutely gutted me. "Good, you can finally end the secret crush. Such a waste of time, right?" 'Good for you, you're no longer suffering (like I am)'. When Sand talks about a waste of time, he's referring to himself. 'At least you no longer have to kill time with me, when you really wanted to be with Mew, what a relief that must be.' Sand is massively self-deprecating here. The time they spent together was not special. It didn't have the same meaning to Ray as it did to Sand. Everything he did was meaningless in context because he thinks Ray was simply 'settling for second best' in the meantime. Sand often uses this tone to imply his own foolishness. For continuing to care so much for Ray when he's getting nothing back.

Ray then asks "Are you okay?" I've noticed that when Ray poses this question, he's not really asking. He already knows or he wouldn't ask in the first place. He's basically saying, 'You're not okay but tell me why', allowing Sand to further divulge. However, Sand is never going to give a honest answer to that question. He's always putting on a brave face and pretending to be okay even when he clearly isn't.

Sand then comes back with his classic, "Why wouldn't I be?" "You're seeing someone you've always loved. It's a dream come true." Not a single thing Sand is saying is about his own feelings. His own pain. His own turmoil. He's purposely shifting the focus to Ray, 'well you're happy so I don't matter. It's your dream come true, so my feelings aren't part of this equation' - which just breaks my goddamn heart. 'Who cares what I feel or think about this. I get no say.'

Ray ponders for a second or two. You can tell he's at a loss as to how to salvage things with Sand without losing him completely. So he offers the next best thing he can, in order to still keep Sand around. "Can we still be friends?" Which means, 'I still want to spend time with you. I still want you to be part of my life'. And Ray's face is full of hopeful naïveté that Sand will agree (this boy really has no idea how agonising that would be). For Sand, this is like adding insult to injury. 'Friends' has no clear definition in Ray's terms, and Sand is wary of Ray's tendency to blur that line. So Ray asking him if they can still be friends doesn't really mean anything, which prompts Sand's "You and I have never been friends from the get-go". 'We need to stop fooling ourselves that what we were doing was ever friendship. I've woken up, you need to too'. Sand is not prepared to participate in muddying the waters, especially now Ray is dating someone. It's not fair to anyone involved.

"We have nothing in common. Besides, I don't know why I should be friends with you." This is probably the harshest thing Sand says in this entire conversation. He's very pointedly trying to create distance. Despite evidence to the contrary, he's alluding to differences between them that should justify that distance, justify him pulling away. Sand is just so resigned and matter of fact about all this because he knows there's nothing Ray can say to refute his thinking. It's all far too late anyway.

Ray displays a moment of slight panic and he's clearly thrown by this. 'It's not like that. Don't reduce it to that'. One thing we can be sure of is it upsets Ray to imagine no longer having any connection to Sand. This indicates to me that Ray does value Sand in his own way. Right now he just has no idea what he can offer to keep Sand close to him, because there is no legitimate reason for doing so since he now has Mew.

As a form of consolation, or perhaps a last ditch attempt to tug on Sand's heart strings, he admits, "but when I'm with you, I'm so damn happy." Ray means well by saying this, as in you make me happy. 'That's got to mean something, right?' But by phrasing it this way, it comes across as he's making this all about him. Sand is desperately searching for evidence to prove Ray does care about him, and he keeps coming up empty. He's run out of reasons to stick around anymore. And Ray's not saying the right things to prove him wrong.

Sand deflects again. '(So what if I might make you happy?) You'll be happy with Mew too. I'm nothing special. You'll get to spend time with him in the same way we did'. "You might even be happier," said with a smile no less. Another absolutely gut wrenching line. Sand's sadness clears briefly and he looks sincerely like he wishes Ray the best. It almost feels like a farewell of sorts. 'He'll make you happier than I did. Because I'm not good enough. I'm not what you want.' This is yet further indication that Sand doesn't think he's left any lasting impression on Ray. Whatever they shared with one another, Ray can easily replicate with Mew instead. He's easily replaceable.

Ray reaches out to stop Sand from walking away. Ray is conflicted. He feels regretful over Sand, which he shouldn't be feeling. He's worried that this time Sand is really slipping from his fingers, and there's nothing he can do about it. Because what's done is done. He chose Mew. So what else is there to say?

Sand follows up with, "Let me go already." 'Stop torturing me. Stop giving me false hope when you've already made your choice. Forget me so you can continue being happy and I can move on. Don't make this difficult for me.' Even in this line, I can hear Sand's care for Ray permeating through it. Sand knows he's isn't what Ray wants. He can make Ray happy but not happy enough to choose him. So the best he can do is to send Ray on his way, and to wish him well. All he asks is for Ray to return the favour, and leave him alone to heal. Akin to his addiction, Sand is telling Ray that he needs to let go from clinging to him like a crutch. Because the only purpose he serves is a crutch and nothing more.

He wants Ray to want him for him, and not as a safety net. Not because he provides Ray with some form of temporary comfort or company. Not because he's a means to pass the time.

Why I adore this scene so much is due to the enormous strength and kindness Sand displays here. He could have been much colder with Ray. He could have been petty, outraged, bitter, resentful. But you truly sense his helpless love for Ray throughout the entire interaction. He's still trying to deliver his message in the most considerate way he can manage. He firmly holds his ground but without any malice. 'The tragedy is I can't help but love you, despite what you've done to me'.

#only friends #only friends the series #ofts #only friends meta #ray x sand #sand x ray #raysan #sanray #khaofirst #firstkhao #first kanaphan #khaotung thanawat #crying into my pillow #this scene hurt me so much #sand breaks my heart so badly #how many ways can you feel pain? YES #this BOY *sobs*

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glassofpumpkinjuice · 9 months

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the (after) life of the party, 2008 & 2023

#fall out boy #pete wentz #patrick stump #tourdust #my gifs #yes i experienced immense pain while making these gifs and now i am inflicting it on all of u #ur welcome #compilation

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quickhacked · 4 months

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Mikhail and Vitali were inseparable; when they weren’t studying or getting into fights, they would hang out at Mikhail’s place to smoke and get drunk on cheap rum and vodka, to then pass out in each other’s arms and sleep most of the next day away. They promised each other— no matter what would happen— they would never leave each other’s side. Yet after starting university and college respectively, they did not see each other for a little over six years, leaving them both heartbroken and wondering what went wrong.

by lucas expedidor // catch me if you can; eden // clementine von radics, from 'courtney love prays to oregon' // sam sax, cruising: a broken tiara // 'ceramic home' by heavensghost; quote from john murillo // 'something's changed' by laiikastears // i don't want to watch the world end with someone else; clinton kane // fortesa latifi, from 'the truth about grief' // audre lorde, the evening news // frank o'hara, biotherm (for bill berkson) // heading home; ruben // 'preface to a dream' by alessandra casini // tokyo; caroline kole // langston hughes, poem // haruki murakami, norwegian wood // julie buntin, marlena // by lute // by aleksandr popov // anyway; noah kahan // christa wolf, cassandra: a novel and four essays

#cp2077 #edit:mikhail #edit:vitali #nuclearocs #nuclearedits #happy birthday to my two boys :^) yes they share the same birthday what about it. it's essential to their whole. thing #whatever it is. they're like soulmates but also they are NOT dating. i need you to understand that. because it makes everything funnier #you guys remember when i first introduced them here and people thought they were together. good times honestly #but yeah no vitali is officially dating vincent and mikhail is just their eternal third wheel. their relationship can't be defined #they also reunite of course but i LOVE emphasizing their grief. they didn't know they'd ever see each other again #and they've known each other since around age 12. imagine spending almost every day with someone who CHOSE you #and then suddenly not seeing them or talking to them for YEARS. what do you do with that grief. that pain #sure they've found each other back but what do you do with that. where do you put it. it makes me insane!!!#they both were so lonely in their own way. vitali getting lost in vices and crowds but ending up all by himself at the end of the day #and mikhail drowning himself in studying and pushing himself far over his limits just to distract himself from the hole in his chest #night city in my head is much more massive than what it feels like in game. like yeah it feels big but not. BIG big #and i think mikhail and vitali's story and them losing contact while only a district apart really emphasizes how like #how HUGE this city is not only in terms of actual land it covers but also just. how overwhelming it is. how it can swallow you whole #anyway if you've read all of this hi. wanna make out

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duncanor · 11 months

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Stampede was so evil for making Livio kill himself in front of Wolfwood because he remembered him.

And then never mention it ever again.

#trigun #tristamp #Wolfwood #livio the double fang #nicholas d wolfwood #Like yes Vash lore and angst #BUT WHAT ABOUT WOLFWOOD'S PAIN AND TRAUMA #We got two episode? NOT ENOUGH #Why would they do this to my boy #He's already tragic stooooop

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redstonebug · 2 years

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i made a little base template thing and immediate got to shenanigans of arranging the Most Confusing Set Of Designs Possible

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joshbruh10x · 7 months

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Finally getting to draw the gay boys after a long week

My gay guyssss <3

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fluffypotatey · 1 year

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Even in an "everything's fine and nothing hurts" AU, I just know that Arthur "Disaster Bi" Pendragon manages to give his dad an ulcer because that's just how he rolls.

Arthur: Father, I'm getting married-

Uther: Excellent!

Arthur: -to Merlin of the Dragonlords.

Uther: Less excellent!

Somewhere on the Isle of the Blessed, Morgana is laughing and doesn't know why.

And Balinor is working his way through the wine cellar realising he's about to be kin-by-marriage to Uther Fucking Pendragon. (Yes, they still hate each other, but their wives are besties. They think it's adorable.)

the horror Balinor must have felt when he realised what Merlin marrying Arthur meant for him lmaoooooo

Hunith: Aren't they cute! Balinor: Yes, sweetie, very adorable. Can't wait for the wedd- Balinor: WAIT

#insert horrified hamster meme lol #bbc merlin #merthur #arthur pendragon #merlin emrys #merlin #hunith #balinor #uther pendragon #you have the mother in laws who are all for the marriage then the father in laws just standing in the corner in pain lmaoooo #balinor using this as a way to cajole uther into complimenting his son #balinor: “yes my boy merlin is quite the sorcerer eh? such a powerful man that merlin. a great match for royalty mh?”#uther (seething on the inside): “......yes”#headcanons #asks

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pekoeboo · 3 months

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"It's okay, Khalan. I'm right here. You're safe."

some Pain based on a few new developments within the SMP story. got a decently long explanation under the cut, for anyone interested.

so @cookieg122 and I decided that Khalan and Aya eventually find themselves in Aya's home dimension - a world ruled by a race of powerful fairies who are hell-bent on eternal conquest and proudly declare their Empire as the strongest in all of the galaxy. Aya was their princess, having disappeared under mysterious circumstances (aka when she arrived in Drehmal), and her older brother had been searching for her ever since.

her sudden return ended up placing Khalan under suspicion though - as Aya's brother wrongly assumed that Khalan was responsible for "kidnapping" Aya and had him arrested as a result;; the corrupt king also got involved, hearing terrible rumors that were quickly circulating about Khalan and believing that he had hurt his daughter, so he made the swift decision to have Khalan publicly executed the next morning as a way to make an example out of him to his subjects and remind them of what happens if they step out of line and threaten the royal family.

so of course Aya saves him!!!! she convinces her brother that Khalan is innocent so he also helps out with the rescue, and between the two of them they manage to stand up to their dad and save Khalan from a terrible fate ;n;;

there's like. so SO much more to this concept that I can't really explain, but that's roughly what's going on within the feelsy art here;; I kept thinking of just. the intense emotions happening within that moment, of Aya stepping up and taking on the role of comforter even though that's normally Khalan's thing. role reversal tropes always get me, and tbh Khalan just needs a moment to break down and process just how terrifying that whole situation was before he can help Aya deal with everything too;;

srry this got long, I wasn't sure how else to explain this pic without going into some detail. but I hope y'all can appreciate the feels anyway ;o;

Aya Armas belongs to @cookieg122 also on deviantart

#oc #khalan al shariq #khalan #aya armas #cookieg122 #primordial smp #angst #tw blood #whump #minecraft #yeah sorry im still putting this in the mc tag because it's how i organize this story kfjghndfg #but anyway. drawing this pic almost made me cry #my heart can't ever handle thinking about khalan in pain but also i'm a sucker for the angst #he's such a good boy he doesn't deserve anything that happens to him;;;#also yes. the stakes are always this high whenever we come up with any story idea #and yes khalan usually almost dies somehow #it's just How Things Are; given his immense bad luck and uncanny ability to get himself in the worst situations imaginable #kfjghdnfg rip

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twisting-in-wonderland · 10 months

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CONGRATS ON 'WINNING', VIL! :]

...

... And... Rook--

(thanks to everyone who voted, lol-- it was fun! (this was the funniest outcome tbh- Pomefiore win!! :]

there's some extra stupid doodles i speedran, whilst rushing this art, under the read more--)

Vil is Fuming-

(also shout out to Idia's early lead, i couldn't stop laughing about it at first-

alsoalsooo, i thought that particular reblog was really funny, i'm all about Jade propaganda - let him have all the free time he wants :'[

-- but if the reblogger doesn't want me posting that then tell me pls! )

#twst #twisted wonderland #vil schoenheit #rook hunt #art #ram's art #i. wanted to post this earlier but tumblr was down for me rip #anywayyysss the art was speedran in one sitting sry if it looks bad lol #this was my first time drawing the pomfiore dorm uniform and. why is it Like That.......................#:[ the sleeves are a major pain 0/10 :[#also i've found a great joy in drawing rook as stupidly as possible #yes btw i voted for lilia and malleus lmao - i don't dislike any main twst character so i just picked ones i dont vibe with the most lol #the only dia student i truly like is sebek - he's such. a Guy you know? shouty boy very good 10/10 i root for him every minute #if you need me to type out any of my handwriting btw tell me-------

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notyourwatermelon · 3 months

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useless headcanon time

fugo gives off major “plagued with acne” vibes. I know that boy is putting on creams and serums every night. abbacchio taught him skincare and he is methodical about it.

tangentially, mista has the clearest skin you’ve ever seen and he rubs his face with cold water and a rough washcloth like. every month if that. fugo hates him for it

#jjba pt 5 #pannacotta fugo #i don’t know how I know this. I just know #I look at that boy and I say “you’re a part of the club now”#I hate acne and I’ve suffered with it forever now I inflict one of my faves with my misery yet again #oh blah blah it’s natural yes I agree but it is also a pain in the ass

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unfinishedslurs · 11 months

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Jonathan Byers This Is An Intervention

“You’re not happy here.”

Jonathan looks up, startled. Will stands in the doorway with his arms crossed. They’re alone in the house, El hanging out with Max and their mom on a date with Hopper. They had to practically shove her out the door before she’d leave, rambling a list of phone numbers and where to find them, as well as reminding them where the leftovers were.

“We know, Mom,” he and Will had chorused, and permitted her to pull them down for one last kiss on the cheek before closing the door on her. Hopper just watched in amusement.

He and Will had eaten dinner before separating to work on their projects, Will with a dnd campaign idea and Jonathan cleaning his camera out. It has more dust than it should, having been sitting in his closet unused for too long. It makes something in him ache, but he can’t make himself pick it up again. There’s something blocking him.

“What?”

“You’re not happy here,” Will repeats. “In Hawkins.”

“It’s Hawkins,” he points out. Being unhappy is a given. He’s always known it sucks here, from the way people treated his mom to the rumors that always flew around when he made his way through the halls. The way they’ve treated Will. He hated this town long before interdimensional monsters factored in.

Will’s frown gets deeper. “I’m happy,” he points out. “Mom’s happy. El and Hopper are happy. We actually have friends here.”

“I have friends,” Jonathan protests, slightly offended. He and Argyle call multiple times a week. He and Nancy are still good friends, and Steve and Robin are slowly growing on him. In a surprising turn of events, Eddie is the person his age he talks to the least, but it makes sense when he thinks about it. Eddie’s brand of freak has always been loud and dramatic, half relying on shock value. Jonathan prefers the quiet.

“When was the last time you actually hung out with someone that wasn’t me?”

Is that what this is about? Something in his heart sinks at the idea that Will doesn’t think he’s enough. “I like hanging out with you. You’re the coolest person I know,” he says, shifting over and patting the bed next to him.

Will sits down with a huff that sounds very fifteen-year-old of him. He’s glad he’s getting to be a kid. “You’re not listening to me,” he complains.

“Then what are you trying to say?”

Will won’t meet his eye, suddenly nervous. “Everyone your age here is leaving,” he says quietly. “Nancy is going to Emerson soon, Steve and Robin are going to Chicago, and Eddie…uh, I don’t know his plans, exactly, he might be going with them. He’s not staying here, anyway. And Argyle is on the other side of the country. So all the people you’re friends with are leaving.”

“They are,” he agrees, laying what he hopes is a soothing hand on Will’s shoulder, “but you know I’m not leaving you, right? I’m not leaving you and Mom.”

Will squeezes his eyes shut. “Maybe you should.”

It feels like ice water being poured over his head.

Something in his stomach twists uncomfortably at the idea of calling Hopper his dad. He doesn’t know if he’s ever going to. He doesn’t even know if Hopper would want him to. But “dad” is always a word he’s associated with bruises and yelling, the stink of whiskey and a gun in his small, shaking hands. Jim Hopper, with his gruff, fumbling way affection and sweet smiles at his daughter will never fit his version of the word.

“You’re not my dad,” Will says. “You’re my older brother, you should be my brother. You should be moving away and going to college and living your life! You shouldn’t be stuck here because of me.” He seems near tears now, and Jonathan flounders. He’s always been pretty good at making Will feel better, but now it’s different. Now it’s him making his little brother upset.

Will takes a deep, stabilizing breath.

“You’re not my dad,” he says again. “You shouldn’t have to be my dad.”

“I wasn’t trying to be,” he says weakly.

“You’re doing a better job than he ever did.”

“Okay, then how should we start?”

“You could tell me why we’re always running out of tylenol.”

He didn’t even realize anyone noticed that. He’s been replacing it before it was even empty.

The words stick in his throat, reluctant to come out. But he promised. He promised he’d tell him, and he hates to break a promise to Will.

“It’s my back,” he admits. “My boss hit me with a chair, and it hurts all the time now. I used to smoke it away, but…”

He smoked a little too much. He was too reliant on it. He was being neglectful. The reasons stay on the tip of his tongue, unable to admit his shortcomings.

Unfortunately, Will takes it another way. “You stopped because of me.”

“No!”

“Why didn’t you tell me? Or Mom? We can go to the doctor now, we have insurance.”

“I know.”

“Then why didn’t you go? Why can’t you just take care of yourself?”

“It’s just a little back pain,” he defends, “it’s not a big deal.”

It’s really not. It’s practically nothing compared to what some of their friends ended up with. Will has respiratory problems, Eddie uses a cane now, Max is in a wheelchair and her eyes might never work again. Not to mention Steve’s mix of migraines, glasses, hearing loss, and scars he’s accumulated over the years that put Jonathan’s to shame. His issues pale in comparison.

“It is when you take as many painkillers as you do! You’re going to eat holes in your stomach.”

“If I get an ulcer, it’ll be because I know there’s another world out there full of things that want to kill us,” he says, poking Will in the stomach. He giggles, and then looks mad about it.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you actually happy. I feel like it’s my fault.”

What does he say to that? It can’t be your fault, because I don’t remember the last time I was happy like that? I felt like this long before you went missing? Anything he says will make him worry more.

“It’s not your fault,” he finally settles on.

“But if I hadn’t disappeared—“

“I would still feel like this,” he says, because he has to. He can’t stand the idea of Will thinking it’s his fault when the truth is that something has been wrong with Jonathan for a long, long time. “It’s not because of the Upside-Down, bud. It’s not something you can fix. I’m pretty sure I’m just…like this.”

He’s had moments of happiness, obviously. Sometimes he’ll get days, or even weeks, where he genuinely looks forward to the future. When he was in California with Argyle, he felt even better. But eventually, the heaviness in his chest always comes back. It’s just something he knows how to live with now.

Will sits up, glaring at him. “That’s bullshit!”

“It’s just how it is.”

He squares his shoulders, a telltale sign that Jonathan isn’t going to like whatever he says next. “Mom and I think you should see a therapist.”

Jonathan really doesn’t like that. “You’ve been talking to Mom about this?”

“She’s worried about you!”

“She shouldn’t be!” He’s almost offended. He’s been taking care of himself for years. He was taking care of her for years. “I’m fine! I know how to live with it!”

“I haven’t seen you smile for real in two months!”

“I’m fine!” He snaps again, and immediately regrets it. Will’s lower lip trembles.

“You’re not fine,” he says. “You’re not. Don’t lie to me, Jonathan. You just said you weren’t going to lie to me.”

#Jonathan byers this is an intervention au #stranger things fanfic #jonathan byers #Will Byers #depression boy go brrr #YES I am posting my two favorite characters in the show being tragic back to back. What about it #Jonathan Byers definitely has chronic pain and depression that he is 100% using weed to self medicate with. He told me himself #His parentification and loserboy personality have captivated me #I know we all joke about Steve being the kid’s mom or dad or whatever but he’s not. He is NOT #he’s an older brother figure to Dustin Lucas and maybe Max in my brain but Will???#Will HAS a big brother and he’s the best big brother in the world and I love him so much he’s literally my wife #Did I mention he’s autistic? He’s autistic #This isn’t meant to bash anyone btw I enjoy a lot of “mom steve” content and shit. It’s just the difference between canon and fanon to me #And I’m not bashing on fanon god knows I indulge in it plenty

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murdererofthumbs · 1 year

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Listen, although I do find it pretty exciting to see Kendall entering his Evil Era and actually becoming a killer, I can’t stop thinking about the consequences of him leaking all the shitty mud information they have on Logan. Like yeah, PR-wise that might be a great idea, it might actually solidify his position as a CEO (and he is obviously going to try and fuck up Matsson deal and take over the Waystar - I don’t know why he would want to captain the fucking sinking Titanic, but okay). But on the other hand, all the dirt coming out about Logan will be potentially catastrophic for Roman. Apart from the fact that Kendall is very clearly betraying his brother, literally like 5 seconds after he preached about them being a team; Roman will very likely suffer the most if stuff about Logan being an abusive father comes out.

First, it will flip his whole viewpoint upside down - he is so deep in denial and so trauma-bonded to Logan that he doesn’t even acknowledge his abuse, not even when in happens in real time. He doesn’t want to see his father as a monster and as his abuser, because that would actually require him to accept that he was a victim, that he was this beaten dog that everyone already sees him as (to one degree or another). Not to mention all the lies he tells himself about Logan and him being a good dad will go straight down the drain, and can you imagine what happens when something you believed for 40-or-so years cracks down in front of you? Kendall is about to break his reality.

Another aspect is that exposing Roman’s abuse to the whole world will likely destroy any and all opportunities that Roman ever had when it comes to rising to power (even if I’m unsure how much he actually cares about becoming a CEO). He might get some sympathy points, although I very much doubt that he will ever accept that form of pity from anyone. His image will be forever tainted and solidified as “the abused one” or the “one that was hit by his dad”. Can you imagine Roman’s reaction when that whole shitshow leaks? He does say at some point in the preview that he is finished, and although it might allude to Gerri putting out the whole dick pic situation, it might also very well be that his public image will forever now revolve around how his dad hit and abused him (his dad who was essentially his god in more than one way, who he was, and is trauma bonded to, who he came back to time and time again).

Kendall has a tendency of using his siblings trauma to forward his own position (even when he wanted to one up Logan in episode 2 by bringing up Roman’s and Connor’s trauma) and this is no different. But it’s a very easy way for him to blow up whatever alliance was ever between sibs. So yeah, I think Kendall as a killer is a great thing to watch, but also… well, Roman girl in me is already screaming in the void from the possible pain we might come to watch unravel in real time.

#succession #roman roy #like my boy might be delusional about pre-greving or whatever #but the fact is that he is for some real mental breakdown #if all the emotions and everything comes down on him like a ton of bricks #and lets not forget that Roman is innately incapable of actually dealing with his own emotions #everything he feels or might potentially feel gets locked up in a cage (hah) and the key gets immediately thrown out #he retreats into himself just to not feel stuff that might break him #not to mention that I was very carefully watching him for past 2 episodes #and just going by his breathing patterns (yes I know insanity of a fan)#but Roman seems to be constantly on the verge of a panic attack #so imagine what will happen when he will be aggressively confronted with all the shit he doesn’t want to face or acknowledge #im torn between obv not wanting it for him #but I also strive on my favourite characters being in pain #and i have not seen roman breakdown yet #and im actually a bit hungry for it #so yeah #kendall is a killer and his brother might very well be his new victim #(hopefully not in a literal sense I don’t fucking want any deaths im also not emotionally equipped for that)#succession hbo #kendall roy #kieran culkin #succession 4x04 #succession season 4 #marta rumbles poetically #succession spoilers

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