#yes most of my friends are autistic why do you ask
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Ranking Every Wolfwood!!
happy wolfwood wednesday! i've ranked every wolfwood and it very quickly got out of hand and turned into more of a character analysis/meta. it was really fun and helped me better understand why i love this guy so much!
yes, really!
i hope you guys enjoy and that my autistic rambling makes sense!
1. trimax wolfwood. yeah he’s perfect. nothing else to say. god bless
while i can’t fit everything i love about him into one post, just know that i’ve written almost 30,000 words in wolfwood (and vash) character studies. so when i say “i like trimax wolfwood” that really means “i am fucking obsessed with trimax wolfwood”.
he’s the perfect mix of silly and heartbreaking, funny and serious, annoying like an older brother, deeply kind, so so painfully human; and a PERFECT foil to vash. simply phenomenal writing.
my only complaint would be that his tits are not on display like they are in the 1998 anime. but i can appreciate the subtly, so this doesn’t detract from his otherwise flawless score.
2. 98 wolfwood. omg hiiiii hehe twirling my hair ohh he’s so handsome what an absolutely beautiful design for him. his nose, his spider-esque shape, his TITS…… they even kept his little whiskers!
on top of an amazing design, he’s a very good balance of silly, irritable, playfully annoying, and serious! he fits pre-trimax wolfwood to a T!
but, as trimax progressed…
he’s cool. too cool. he has too much pull. wolfwood should NOT have swag. genuinely it is imperative to his character that he is, and i say this as lovingly as possible, a fucking loser with no friends.
wolfwood is a deeply traumatized man. he isn’t nearly as charming as we, the audience, thinks he is. no one laughs at his jokes, his insults are crude and immature, he embarrasses himself in front of literal children…
god, he is so painfully awkward. and who wouldn’t be in his situation? to have your childhood stolen and forced to grow up as a weapon? not allowed to interact casually with anyone else during the most important developmental stage of your life?
he's just not suave like tri98 wolfwood is. so, while 98 wolfwood is an excellent character, he doesn’t entirely read “wolfwood” to me. similar to how 98 vash is good on his own, but he’s just not “vash”. this is, of course, the result of making an anime out of a manga that wasn’t even 30% finished at the time. while i don’t understand the reasoning behind this, i know that nightow desperately needed the funds the anime brought in, as well as the motivation to keep making trimax, so i have to simply make peace with the dated characterizations tri98 has.
but don’t get me started on the milly situation. really a godawful writing decision, idk who approved that mess.
3. tristamp wolfwood. he is so bullyable. he’s like a sopping wet cat. absolute fucking dweeb.
i debated this for a long time—whether i should rank tristamp wolfwood above tri98 wolfwood. and i asked myself, do i love tri98 wolfwood because he’s a good character and is similar to trimax wolfwood? does he even remind me of trimax wolfwood at all? well, not really, he’s very clearly based on pre-trimax, just like tri98 vash is.
ultimately i decided i do genuinely just prefer tri98 wolfwood, but i felt the need to defend tristamp wolfwood because i see a lot of fair criticisms but also really dumb discourse throughout the fandom about him. so here’s my attempt at trying to address these:
so, there are some things i really enjoy about him and some things i really dislike; and, unlike vash, most of these criticisms are not a result of time/pacing issues. they’re easily fixable.
like, for the love of god he NEEDS to get sillier. they got the loser part down, but he’s a bit too overtly sad in tristamp. i think he will be more like his trimax self in season 2, but wolfwood’s humor is in-part a coping mechanism and important to his character. he’s an older brother! he’s fucking annoying! he thinks he's funny when he isn't! we do get a little bit of this with him and meryl, when he's tormenting her at the campfire, and that’s what i want to see more of. even if he’s playing it up, he should be working on getting their guards down, convincing them he isn't going to betray them.
since tristamp takes place in a weird prequel sort of canon, i get that he would look/act younger than he is in trimax. i think he was modeled after the teenage wolfwood we see in the flashback scenes of him training for the eye of michael, where he’s noticeably less outgoing and more reserved.
however, this doesn’t change the fact that he WAS silly as a kid in trimax, before his “teenage angst phase” (hate to call it that when it’s more like a “realizing he’s going to die by the gun and not being able to do anything about it” phase). but he’s still a lot quieter and reserved in tristamp as a kid, so i think we really need to find a good balance here in the trigun adaptations.
another example of an easily fixable issue—i really hate how they did the “vash sees how kind wolfwood is” scene, in which wolfwood gives money/snacks to children. in tristamp, wolfwood already knows the kid is zazie, which tells us absolutely nothing about his character. this scene is almost entirely worthless, only good for reminding vash that he should eat, which gives tristamp its own not-as-good hospital yuri scene.
and, so, about the elephant in the room… i don’t think he was whitewashed. let me try to explain my thought process.
tristamp, as far as i can tell, doesn’t seem to be taking any inspiration from tri98, whose wolfwood is very explicitly a brown man. trimax wolfwood i feel is a bit more ambiguous in his skin tone, which alternates between dark screentones and completely uncolored pretty much at solid 50/50 odds. just fairly inconsistent overall, even on the official manga covers.
but this doesn’t mean wolfwood is white in tristamp, and it doesn’t mean he doesn’t have his aquiline nose. the notorious scenes of him in the suns, looking white as a fucking sheet, shows us how a 3D environment can diminish a character’s silhouette and distinctive features.
compare this to scenes of wolfwood in a dim environment, or to the 2D scenes of child wolfwood and livio that i can't include bc i'm only allowed 10 pics. he looks MUCH better, much darker than vash, and as they both should appear in such lighting. it just doesn't add up—he should be much darker in strong light if they followed the same color values:
SO, even though i feel like all of this is more of a technical issue rather than malicious whitewashing, that doesn’t mean i think it’s acceptable. it looks fucking awful, and the lighting system needs major improvement to work with darker skin tones.
and, like, at the end of the day, wolfwood isn’t canonically latino, and he doesn't really have a consistent skin tone either. it’s a great headcanon, one i partially share, but it’s not canon. the only ethnicity that could technically be considered somewhat canon is japanese, as wolfwood was based off a japanese singer named tortoise matsumoto. you can see this resemblance best in early trigun!
and i really need to defend his nose!!! a lot of people say he lost his nose but he didn’t!! i promise it’s there!!! another victim of his 3D model, you can only see his nose from the side or in the 2D frame after he gets his shit wrecked. see how clearly he has a very well-defined nose when he’s hand-drawn? this is what i mean when i say a 3D environment can drastically alter a character’s important features, as much as i otherwise adore the animation for this show.
also, if you think nightow would let studio orange get away with not including his nose, you got another thing coming.
in conclusion, while i think tristamp wolfwood is a great start, he’s just not quite there yet. but i have immense faith that the next time we see him, he’ll look and act a lot more like he does in trimax!
i know this is true, because there are already some shots in tristamp where i’m just like. oh yeah. there he is. that’s wolfwood. there's the guy i love so much
...
well, that was long! this was really fun to write and i
oh jesus christ what the hell is that thing
4. badlands rumble wolfwood. ah, now here’s a great example of overt whitewashing. no lighting excuses this time, just blatant colorism.
even if he wasn’t ghostly white, there's just something about his design that makes me viscerally uncomfortable and i can’t pinpoint what it is exactly. he’s just so… angular. he has no scruff, no kitty cat mouth, his eyes are very oddly shaped, almost no eyebrows... i just really hate looking at him!
his ONLY saving grace is how mentally ill he acts in this movie. and his tits. otherwise i don’t really have much to say about him!
ok, now we’re done! and here’s a handy wolfwood chart i made to summarize everything.
really hope this was fun to read and if people liked this i'd be glad to write a vash version or other characters!! happy woowoo wednesday :)
#trigun#trimax#tristamp#tri98#wolfwood#vashwood#a little bit. enough for me to tag hehe#meta#trigun meta#character analysis#also i don't mean to imply ethnicity = skin color but latino wolfwood is by far the most common headcanon i've seen. which i really like!#but it can very quickly diverge into the latino lover trope and i've seen that A Lot in this fandom#and i don't really want to get into fanon wolfwood here bc that's an entire other can of worms
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Being Around You Makes Me Feel Better
Fandom: Harry Potter - Marauders Era
Pairing: James Potter/Reader
Character: James Potter
Summary: You have a bad day, where you hate yourself and the way you look. You sneak into James’ bed in his dorm and thats where he finds you and spends time trying to make you feel a bit better or at the very least forget for now.
Reader is autistic and so am I.
Notes: I don’t own Harry Potter or its characters. I also don’t believe JKR’s beliefs. This account is safe place for all.
I do not give permission to anyone to repost or translate any of my stories. I also do not give anyone permission to feed my stories through AI or to be posted to any third party website or app. If anyone sees any of my work posted anywhere but here or my AO3 (simplyreflected), then it has been posted without permission.
Posted on AO3 here.
You couldn’t help it. When everyone left for classes, you crept into the Marauders dorm and climbed into James’ bed. You stayed there all day. You felt safe surrounded by his scent and his things. You knew that he could always make you feel better, but you pulled the blankets up to your neck. That's where you stayed as you cried yourself to sleep.
You woke to the sound of the door opening and someone gasping. You didn’t care who it was, if they spoke to you, you’d just ask for James. You only wanted your best friend.
You didn’t hear the sounds of anyone approaching, but when you see them crouch down and see James himself in front of you, you whisper, “Jamie, you’re here.”
“Hey love,” he whispers back in response. He waves his wand and a glass of water appears in his hand. He hands it to you, and you drink it, before he waves it away as he looks at you sadly, “What’s wrong?”
“Jamie, I hate myself. I need you. Being around you makes me feel better.”
He smiled at you softly before he asked, “can I climb in with you?”
You hum in response as you open the blankets for him. You let go of them as he takes off his shoes and then climbs in next to you. He wraps the blanket around both of you, before he wraps his arms around you.
“Why do you hate yourself, love?”
“I feel fat. I look ugly. I can’t stand looking in the mirror. I don’t think anyone but you really likes me.”
“I need you to look at me, lovey,” James told you kindly, which made it hard to resist, you looked up at his beautiful and kind blue eyes. “Do you trust me?”
“Yes,” you didn’t lie about that. He was the only person you knew you could trust to tell you the truth, even on days like today, when you didn’t even trust yourself.
“Then trust me when I say this,” he tells you honestly as you look at different parts of his face; seeing his beauty, since looking in people’s eyes for too long would become uncomfortable. He didn’t mind and you knew that, as long as you listened. “You are the most beautiful person I know; inside and out. You may not believe it, but I’ll prove it and show you everyday, because I wish I could date someone like you.” He paused as you stopped looking at him and cuddled into him. “No, not someone like you. I wish I could have the courage when you’re not having a day like this, but I want to date you.”
“What about Lily?”, you whispered back.
“What about he-,” he cut himself off, before slowly saying, “I haven’t been flirting with her.” He kissed the top of your head. “I was flirting with you, but when they first asked me, I was embarrassed to say I was flirting with you. You were right there. I was worried you’d reject me and we’d go from being best friends to being awkward around each other to being people the other used to know.
“Jamie,” you knew he could hear the catch in your throat and that he’d probably realise you’d been crying, but they were no longer sad tears. “I’ve loved you since second year.”
He paused. “Really?”
You smiled and nodded, “yeah.” You paused cuddling into his warmth and yawned, lifting one of your hands to cover your mouth.
You listened as he told you, “I’ll spend the rest of my life showing and telling you how much I love you.”
You yawned again and he kissed the top of your head again, and rubbed your back as you whispered, “I love you, James.”
As you fell asleep, you could’ve sworn he whispered, “I love you too, angel.”
———————————
LATER THAT DAY
———————————
You woke up later that day still in James’ arms, with him holding you really close to him. One of his arms was rubbing your back gently and the other holding you as he leaned down to kiss the top of your head.
You hummed contentedly and James whispered, “Love, are you awake?”
You hummed again before yawning and then answered, “yeah, Jamie. Just woke up.”
“I have something I want to officially ask you,” he asked as you moved up slightly so the two of you were face to face.
You lifted your hand up to his cheek, he sighed and closed his eyes, “what is it?”
He opened his eyes, kissed your palm before asking, “I love you and from what you said before, you love me.” He paused and you nodded before he finally asked, “will you go out with me?”
Slowly you started smiling as you moved your hand down to his waist, hugging him, before you answered, “yes, I’d love to.”
You moved closer to him and pecked his lips.
“Do you feel any better now, my love?”
You looked at him as he cupped your cheek, closing your eyes and enjoying his touch. “Whenever you're around, I always feel better. I’m not back to 100% but you make me feel safe and you’ve always found a way to silence the voices. However, unlike today, it's usually your antics or the pranks that help to silence them enough that I stop paying attention to them as much.”
He smiled, before he moved closer, kissing you, with so much love and affection that you melted against him, before he pulled back.
“Are you hungry?”
You think for a moment before your stomach rumbles, answering for you.
He smiled before he kissed you. When he pulled back, he looked in your eyes, “I’ll go get us some food, my love. Is there anything specific that you’d like?”
You told him what you felt like eating and he smiled, before he said, “I’ll be back soon. Wait here?”
“Where else would I want to be?”
He gave you a peck on the cheek before he left, which made you blush. When he came back, he sat next to you before calling one of the house elves, who appeared with trays of food which slowly levitated over to the bed.
Both of you thanked the house elf before they disappeared.
He smiled at you before he leaned over to give you a quick kiss. The two of you ate and just spent the rest of the evening together.
Even when the rest of the guys came in, he just held you close as he talked to them. You joined in the conversation at times, and they were just as happy as always to see you.
That was one thing you loved about his friends; even before you became friends with them, they always included you when you were with James. All of them made you feel welcomed. With that thought, you turned and kissed James’ cheek and snuggled more into his side.
#harry potter fanfiction#harry potter#marauders era#marauders era fanfiction#james potter#james potter fanfiction#hurt/comfort#james potter x you#james potter x reader#friends to lovers#insecure reader#autistic reader#autistic author
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“Five Gum…”
Warnings: idk, cringe outdated pop culture references. Gender neutral terms(just wanting you so you don’t get like confused <3 )
Pairings: Cas X autistic!reader(platonic), Dean x child!reader
Summary: Castiel is hanging out with Dean’s autistic child, and they have a lot in common.
Word Count: 1,278
Your dad, Dean Winchester, is out on a hunting trip with your Uncle Sammy. He left you alone with Castiel. You don’t know what Castiel is to your dad, they say they’re best friends, but the way they look at each other says more.
You didn’t mind being at the bunker with Cas though. Out of everyone, you got along with him the most. You had some sort of mutual understanding that Sam and Dean don’t get. You assumed it’s because Castiel didn’t know much about human interaction, social cues, pop culture references, and you were well, autistic. Your dad has made the joke that you and Castiel tilt your head the same way when you’re confused, and both don’t understand his sarcasm, and how even though your Dean’s kid, you’re a mini-Cas.
“So what are we doing today?” Castiel asks you.
“I know my dad is protective, but you really don’t need to babysit me, I’m 18. I am an adult,” you explain to Castiel.
“That’s not why he leaves me with you, he just doesn’t want you to get lonely.”
You nod, understanding. Today you’re probably going to do what you and Cas always do, exist next to each other while doing your own things. He’ll be reading something, you’ll be drawing something, and occasionally you two will look at each other, and ask how it’s going. It’s always worked that way.
And that is what you do today. You both go to the library together, Castiel picks out a book, you pull out your sketchbook, and you start doing what you learned is called “parallel play.” At least that’s what it’s called in kids, but you figured the term can be applied here too. You start sketching away as Castiel looks at you, narrowing his eyes.
“You wear that jacket all the time, why?” he asks.
“It brings me comfort. You wear that trench coat all the time, even indoors when you don’t need to. Why is that?” you throw the question right back at him.
“I suppose it also brings me some sense of comfort,” he concludes.
You nod, satisfied with his answer, and go back to sketching, as he goes back to his book. The only sounds filling the room are Castiel’s occasional page flipping, and your constant scribbling. This goes on for half an hour, only to be interrupted by your stomach erupting in hunger. Castiel does not say a word, as he gets up and goes to the bunker’s kitchen, and comes back with a prepackaged peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
“Oh thanks. When did we get these?” you raise an eyebrow.
“I got them the last time I went grocery shopping with your dad. He said you were having trouble eating because the foods we’ve been getting weren’t the right texture, and I remember when I was human I loved peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, you can never go wrong with them. But I know you sometimes just want ready made food, and when I saw these in the freezer section, I told Dean to get them.”
A smile comes across your face as you open the packaging and take a bite. These prepackaged peanut butter and jelly sandwiches were one of your safe foods, your other one being boxed mac and cheese. You bounce happily as you eat, something you do whenever you’re eating food you really like. And if it’s super good, you’ll kick your feet a little too.
You lick your fingers after you finish your sandwich, and sign “thank you” in ASL, something you do when you don’t feel like talking much. It’s a thing you do with everyone, you’ve taught them basic signs like “yes” or “no” or “please” or “thank you” or “food” or “water” to communicate when you don’t feel like talking.
“No problem,” Cas responds, smiling at you.
You nod and get back to your little activity while Castiel gets back to his. The silence is nice, you get to focus on you sketch, which is a picture of Castiel sitting down in his chair, reading. You occasionally glance up at him, getting the details you need, but you’re not going for realism. You have your own cartoonish art style and you’re drawing Castiel in it. Once you finish, you show him, and a big smile appears on his face as he puts down his book.
“You drew that? That’s me,” he says, and you nod. “I love it.”
You smile and start putting your art supplies away, as he goes back to reading. You clean up your space and put everything back in your room, before returning to Cas. You look over his shoulder at the book he’s reading, trying to not disturb him. He flips through the pages as he reads. But the page flipping and the silence get too much.
“Dicks out for Harambe,” you blurt out, not thinking.
Castiel once again sets his book down, this time not intending to pick it back up, as he looks up at you concerned. You didn’t think before speaking, but being on the internet you hear this phrase a lot. So you said it, and now Castiel is concerned.
“Who is Harambe and why are we exposing ourselves for him,” Castiel asks.
You think for a moment, wanting to answer him, but there’s no way to answer him without sounding stupid and insane. You take a deep breath, giggling a little at the thought of explaining “dicks out for Harambe” to Castiel.
“It’s an internet thing. This gorilla, Harambe, was killed, so we uh, expose ourselves, as you put it, to pay respects to him,” you attempt at an answer but Castiel furrows his eyebrows, getting even more confused.
“How is that paying respect?”
“Well it isn’t… it’s a joke…”
“I thought jokes were supposed to be funny,” he bluntly says.
“It is… to younger people I guess,” you shrug.
“And you said it because…?”
“I said it to fill the silence.”
Cas takes a moment to think, nodding, taking in what you just explained. He then takes his phone out and types away and you look at him, waiting for him to say or do something. He pats the seat next to him and you sit and look at his phone. It’s one of those fruit sensory videos on TikTok that you got Castiel into. Not the baby videos(well they are the baby videos) but the ones to popular music. You and Castiel watched as blueberries and strawberries bounce around the screen to Lincoln Park’s “Numb.”
“Why are we watching this?” you finally ask.
“You seemed like you needed something stimulating to watch or listen to,” Cas answers you.
“That reminds me,” you say, running to your room to grab something quick.
✰✰✰✰✰
Sam and Dean walk into the bunker, and as soon as they see everything, they just look around, confused. The ground is covered in bubble wrap, and the map table is full of Pop-it fidgets. You look up at your uncle and dad, as you and Cas run around barefoot on the bubble wrap, playing with the fidgets.
“What are you doing?” Dean asks.
You look up at him, with an innocent smile on your face.
“Five gum!” you yell at him, throwing a pop-it fidget at him, and he catches it. “Stimulate your senses!”
“I think they are making a joke, because this is a way to stimulate our feeling sense, which is something people on the spectrum often do,” Castiel explains to Dean.
“Yeah, I know what they meant, Cas,” Dean chuckles. “You two have fun while we were gone?”
You and Cas both nod.
✰✰✰✰✰
A/N sorry if this is silly, I’m autistic and Kin cas so I thought it would be fun to do Cas and Dean’s autistic kid. But autism is a spectrum! While this may be how autism is for me, it doesn’t represent everyone with autism :)
#castiel#castiel supernatural#castiel x y/n#castiel x reader#dean x child!reader#dad!dean#supernatural#dean x reader#dean winchester#dean winchester x you
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So it’s been a year…
One year since Disney released episode 1 season 3 of The Mandalorian
One year since I published chapter 1 of Be-All And Endor
I don’t really remember much of the first 20 weeks of that year, just that it was a flurry of proofreading and finalising and uploading (the hard parts) and comment reading and new friend making and massively appreciating (the wonderful parts).
Proofing and publishing 2 chapters a week with average lengths of around 10k words was exhausting. But for the first 8 of those weeks I had Din Djarin on the screen (intermittently *ahem* but this isn’t a post about the quality of s3) and for the rest of the year I had my readers leaving comments and sending messages, and it was… overwhelmingly the best year of my life.
I mean that. The best year. Ever. Because of you. Any of you, all of you, if you’ve ever even just clicked on my fic and given it chance, you’ve raised the hits on it. Even seeing that metric tick up has made me so thankful.
Because I didn’t think I could write. I always wanted to be an author but never believed in myself.
I did an English degree with writing in mind, but told myself nobody ever does anything with an English degree. I took creative writing modules, and when the published author who ran the class gave me scathing feedback, my dream fully died. I got an okay grade, hardly anything to be proud of, and I graduated and went to work in another industry.
I suffered from clinical depression.
One day many years later, I found a favourite author online and messaged him to ask when his fourth novel in a series was being published, and (emboldened by the anonymity of being online) cheekily offered to proofread it for him. Except he took me seriously and sent me the prologue to see what I could do. Like, for a real book you can buy on Amazon. After feeling sick for two whole days I went all Autistic Obsession on it and sent him back the most thoroughly proofed bit of writing anyone had ever seen. And I got the job. (I say ‘job’, I’d volunteered for free in exchange for the privilege of reading it in advance, so I can only ever call it semi-professional since I didn’t earn from it).
This, amongst other things, lifted me from my depression. I came off the pills and felt happier, more creative. Once the proofing was completed, the author encouraged me to write my own stuff, but whilst I’d gained some confidence… my brain was empty. I had no clamouring stories to get down on the page, no gems ready to polish.
Then in summer 2021, a friend sat me down and showed me the first 3 episodes of the Mandalorian. And my brain chemistry was instantly altered. I binge-watched the first two seasons, by the end of which I was unequivocally in love with Din Djarin, and then I binge-watched them again.
Around that time, I moved to a different country. Well, Wales is still the UK, but it’s a different country to England, and I was now 170 miles away from my friends. I went because as a single woman on a middling salary, London is too expensive to live in and having rid myself of an overbearing long term relationship, I was NOT keen to get into another one just to pay the bills. The pandemic meant I could work remotely, so I upped sticks and moved to Cardiff, resolving to visit my office in London (and my friends) once a month. It’s 2 hours by train, totally doable.
So what to do with all the spare time I suddenly had?
By Easter 2022 I’d started writing. 9 months later (yes, it’s my actual baby), Be-All And Endor was complete and I began publishing alongside season 3’s release.
Now… it has over 62.k views and 1.2k kudos ����🤯
Did I think it would be this popular? No way. I can’t even believe it now. I still see SO much wrong with it, which is why I’m still proofreading and editing it.
A professional proofread/edit takes a long time, and if you’re wondering what I’m doing to it, it involves the following:
Checking for things like clichés, non-inclusive language
Checking all adverbs to see if a better word can be used (e.g. ‘bellows’ instead of ‘shouts loudly’… adverbs usually end in -ly and it’s not good to overuse them)
Rephrasing any passive sentences (simply put: ‘the ship is flown by Din’ is passive; ‘Din flies the ship’ is active)
Reducing average sentence length (shorter sentences are easier to read)
Going through every single damn polysyllabic word (e.g. anything that has more than 3-syllables) and seeing if a shorter synonym can be found (this helps the rhythm, as too many long words slows things down and can make readers stumble… and I use them a lot 😖)
Checking the 50 most frequently used words and seeing if I can find synonyms for those (helps give more variety in the language)
Ensuring Din’s name isn’t overused or underused, and adding epithets (e.g. ‘the hunter’ or ‘your Mandalorian’) where it’s overused but it’s too confusing to just say ‘he’/‘him’
These are the big things, but there’s more too - I’m streamlining decisions I made to use certain phrasings throughout; tweaking Din’s word choice here and there to ensure his voice is captured the best way possible; revamping some of the photos. And with all the tiny tweaks, it’s slowly padding things out too… when publishing was done it was 393k, now it’s 403k, although it’s not extra content as such, just better described.
I’m up to chapter 13 so far, and I’ll probably be doing this for another 2 years to get through all 40, because (a) I want to write other things too so that slows down the proofing, and (b) I so badly want to be proud of this project… everyone’s telling me I should be, and I am in a way… but it’s more gratitude to others than pride in myself… and I feel like if I get this proofing done and finally have a story I’m truly happy with, I can at last let myself be proud of what I achieved here.
I confess, I’m so envious of those who can post something without obsessing over it. I know it’s a facet of my autism, and I’ve long since accepted that my neurodivergent brain will not let me be cool about things other people are cool about. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that I should turn it to my advantage, so okay… I’m gonna make this fic the same quality as a published book on your bookshelf. And meanwhile I’m gonna enjoy and love all the fics that people can write and publish with far greater speed than I can, because the greatest thing about this fandom is that every contribution is worthy of appreciation, no matter the author’s experience or writing method. Quality fic isn’t synonymous with proofreading, and I hope it’s clear that I’m describing my obsession with perfecting my own writing, not other people’s. I’ve read so many amazing authors on here, and I want them all to know how much I love their work (any recs are from the bottom of my heart).
So anyway, this long and rambling post has turned into something unintended… I guess you now have some insight into my mind and the origins of Be-All And Endor and the future of it. Not what I meant to do, but I’ll leave it in for context.
Because the real reason I started writing this diatribe was because I wanted to express my true and undying gratitude to everyone who has ever read, commented, or left kudos on my fic over on AO3, and/or messaged me, followed me, interacted with me, or reblogged my masterlist here on tumblr 🧡💚
I know I am insanely lucky to have received the level of support I have, and I don’t take that for granted at all. I want to give back to this fandom, and I love reading and reccing other people’s fics, meeting new moots, and hopefully soon I’ll be publishing new fics for you all to read too. Fresh material is percolating, so it won’t be too long now.
So thank you to everyone who reads this post, you’re the absolute best and I love you more than I have the vocabulary to describe. Please accept a grateful forehead kiss instead 💋
#well this was longer than intended#but we all know brevity isn’t my strong suit#cannot express how much i love you all#so i rambled and i hope my gratitude comes across in there somewhere#thank you for supporting me#the mandalorian#din djarin#din djarin x reader#mandalorian#the mandalorian x reader#mando#mandalorian x reader#mando x reader
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I haven't found any fan content with an autistic reader, so could you please write something fluffy?? Like they were friends beforehand, but reader starts getting really anxious/overstimulated on the second date (for example, Rhea realizes there's more people and it's louder than anticipated), so they step out and maybe eat takeout on the sidewalk or at one of their apartments, instead of whatever they had planned. If you're comfortable with it, of course; I completely understand if you decline or decide to modify the prompt.
Ugh this requests makes me so happy, as an autistic person myself I’m more than happy to give us a little representation! I hope this is even somewhat similar to what you requested!! 💞
Rhea Ripley x Autistic Reader!!
CW: overstimulation
You and Rhea had been friends for as long as you can remember, you did almost everything together and she was the person you trusted the most with everything. She understood you and the things you struggled with and did her best to try and find a solution to whatever was troubling you. That’s why you had gained feelings for her, she truly was the only person who fully understood you and your feelings for one another were perfectly clear.
It was the night of your second date, you had been on your first one with Rhea a few weeks back and it went amazing, so many good memories came out of just that night alone. That’s why you expected the absolute best when it came to the second. You got yourself all done up for her as she told you she was taking you to a restaurant, a fancy one at that. You had just finished up when you got a text.
‘Hey love! I’m outside, can’t wait to see you’ she wrote, you smiled at her text.
‘On my way <3’
When you walked outside, there she was. Absolutely gorgeous in a black suit, hair slicked back as it always was.
“Hello gorgeous, you look stunning.” She told you, scanning your outfit. Your face went hot at her words, knowing all the time and effort you put in was all worth it.
“You’re not too bad yourself love.” You smirked, taking her hand in yours. She laughed at your remark, softly punching your shoulder.
“Yeah yeah, just get your ass in the car.” She said, opening the passenger door for you. You had never been so excited for a date in your entire life.
When you arrived you were stunned at how beautiful and fancy the place was, you had never been to a restaurant like this before. No one before Rhea would do something like this for you, she was something else entirely.
“Holy shit, this is fancy Rhea.” You looked around, observing the atmosphere. “You sure you booked this?”
“Yes, I did” she chuckled. “All for you love, you deserve only the best.”
When you sat down at your table and had ordered a couple of drinks, everything was going pretty smoothly. Just you and Rhea talking about life, careers and whatever else was going on for either of you. That was until crowds of people started pouring in, your ears started ringing and your throat became dry. You did your best to try and put up with it as you didn’t want to ruin the second date with Rhea and have everything go down hill, however it didn’t go unnoticed by her.
“Hey love are you okay?” She asked, noticing your distress. “You look a bit stressed.”
You tried to speak but couldn’t, something was holding you back from saying a single word. You just looked at her, your eyes watering. Her features softened, knowing what was happening.
“Hey, it’s alright.” She told you, getting up and sitting beside you. “It’s gonna be okay, just try to breathe.” She took your hand, putting it on her chest for you to feel her heartbeat.
“Let’s leave okay? We can do something that won’t be so overwhelming for you.” She put the money that was owed on the table and took you out as soon as possible.
When you were outside in the fresh air, Rhea’s arm around your shoulder. Your breathing started to become normal again and your ears stopped ringing.
“Rhea?” You said.
She hummed as an answer, telling you to continue.
“I’m sorry I ruined our date, I didn’t mean to.” You went quiet. “I don’t know what happened.”
“Don’t say that, nothing is ruined.” She looked at you. “We’re still together and that’s all that matters, what do you say what we grab a small takeout and sit on the sidewalk?”
As small as gesture was, it meant the world to you. You loved Rhea, you really did. You beamed at her, nodding in answer.
“Sounds good to me.”
This request meant the world to me to write so thank you so much!! And I apologise for the lack of uploads! <3
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can we get more general angst :3 i breathe off angst
When I was writing that post I was thinking that no one would even like that post because why would you wanna know sad facts about my rewrite.
It's one of my top liked posts.
Ya'll really like sad stuff huh. Good thing I'm a artist!!
TRIGGERWARNING: GENERAL DISGUSTING TOPICS. PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN RISK
☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★☆★
Henroin did everything he could to help Angel when his wife died. Angel, Molly, and Arackniss's mother also died in child birth because she was a POC. Angel cried over his shoulder multiple times. He didn't shame him, he just helped his baby.
Husk's father was extremely abusive to himself, his mother, and half brother.
Considering Vox is Jewish and lived during World War II he never got to be as out there as he wanted too. Yes he had his own small TV show but if he wasn't Jewish, he would have more funding.
Most people didn't like Velvette's fashion brand when she was alive. Velvette is a chubby girl, no one liked the chubby fashion designer's clothes for plus sized people. (This was me just venting at this point.)
Madame Pentious struggled alot as a human woman. She is a undiagnosed Autistic person. This caused issues in her life because she didn't know how to fix the internal problems she has. She was also around alot of things that triggered her sensory issues.
The smudgy dark lines that run down Mimzy's face us runny makeup. Mimzy was crying pretty hard when her manager chocked her up. Hell decided to remind her she died crying.
Valerie's limbs can break off VERY easily considering she's a porcelain doll. If this happens when she's alone or outside she can't do much about it because she can't speak. This causes her to panic. At one point this happened and Valerie tried to scream for help. 2 hours later Angel found her exhausted on the ground from screaming and crying. It wasn't pretty.
Considering Nifty has undiagnosed ADHD, she runs around alot and can forget things easily. This lead to other school girls calling her stupid for being so clumsy and forgetful. They told her no man would want her. This only strived her obsession to getting married and being wanted.
Valerie was bullied pretty heavily in school. For a matter of reasons, being Salvadoran, being lesbian (no one knew yet, they were just assuming, having a accent, being incredibly skinny. School was hell, so was home. The dance studio was her only safe place.
Angel used to struggle really bad with English. He's not from America and his family only spoke Italian so he didn't learn English when he was a child. He had to adapt pretty quickly so his family would fit in. Angel still gets upset if he messes up a English word.
Both Angel and his wife Carmilla are queer. Angel is gay and Carmilla is a lesbian. They were friends so they decided to get married so they can fake being straight. They didn't want to be kicked out of the mob or worse, murdered. They then had their daughter Isabella because of social pressure. They didn't want Isabella but they worked through it together. Isabella never got to meet Carmilla.
All three of the Spider Siblings died from suicide. Angel went first, then Molly, then Arackniss. They couldn't stand being away from each other.
Lucifer has the ability to take the magic out if Charlie. If this is too happen then Charlie falls lifeless, like if you cut a puppets strings. This happened once when Charlie and Lucifer got into a bad fight about her hotel. Lilith demanded he bring her back to life. He did very quickly, it was just a mistake. Charlie still hasn't forgotten it.
People rioted when Alastor's radio broadcasts began to take off on air. They weren't comfortable with a black man having unapologetic and truthful radio show.
Cherrie is obsessed with being strong enough to defend herself because she used to get the shit beaten out of her.
I could list more but I wanna be silly 😋
Asks are open, art is here, feel free to follow, reblog, ask questions, and things along those lines.
- ⭐️StarClown⭐️
#hazbin hotel rewrite#hazbin hotel critical#hazbin hotel rewrite blog#hazbin hotel#hazbin hotel redesign#hazbin hotel angel dust#hazbin hotel criticism#hazbin hotel husk#hazbin hotel mimzy#hazbin hotel niffty#hazbin hotel critique#hazbin hotel sir pentious#hazbin hotel cherri bomb#hazbin hotel angels dad#agnst#triggering themes#triggering topics
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Post is under the cut for typical Creepy Ex Landlord content but there's nothing new on that front, just me processing stuff that had happened while the situation was ongoing.
I've been half considering telling my new roommates the real reason I moved out from the previous place because I have reason to believe they'd be understanding and we've definitely reached the level of friendship where that kind of thing can be shared but I hesitate to even call it "sexual harassment" out loud and not on tumblr because to do so I have to interrogate whether I ever actually said no clearly and firmly enough, though at the end of the day I'm fairly confident I did and its failure to get through to him was him just not wanting to listen. I laid out my discomfort to him several times and he apologised and seemed really genuinely guilty/upset and I told him I didn't want him to apologise or feel bad I just wanted him to stop and then he'd go straight back to what he'd been doing before.
I guess what I'm stuck on though is, maybe it's just autistic inability to fully comprehend that people can be lying to me but his belief that he's done nothing seriously wrong or against my consent seems fully genuine. He seemed honestly hurt and confused when I blocked him as soon as I could because he'd really believed we'd still be ""friends"" after I moved out. There was this one time when he was telling me about a news article about a woman who got sexually assaulted and he was all wide-eyed I-just-don't-understand-how-people-could-do-that innocence about it and I truly understood what emotion the phrase "look into the camera like you're on the office" expresses, because really?
I'm pretty sure most of it runs on technicalities and plausible deniability because ok, if you do things without asking that you have plenty of reason to think I wouldn't be ok with then technically I didn't say no, and you can even be proud of yourself for stopping once I do get around to saying it. And if you plead and wheedle with me until I decide it's easier to give you what you want than keep arguing then technically I said yes. But what really throws me is how much he seemed to genuinely believe he was morally in the clear, rather than just having legalistic plausible deniability.
Like, by the end of it and by the time he found out my sexuality, even he couldn't convince himself that I secretly wanted him. Even before he'd found out, he'd mostly switched tack from "so what if you have a boyfriend, he can't tell you what to do" to "what's so wrong with me that you aren't attracted to me? :( I've been so nice to you :(" but he never seemed to have any level of cognitive dissonance over, if I had never had any shred of attraction to him and repeatedly expressed discomfort with him being sexual towards me, why I would have ""consented"" to all the things that I totally definitely freely consented to and he totally definitely never forced on me and pressured me into (please note heavy sarcasm). He really thought I'd stay friends with him, "friends" of course here meaning "we cannot have a conversation that stays for longer than five minutes on a topic other than him commenting on my appearance and asking me for pictures". Like, I get missing signals other people think are clear, but if I found out someone I'd thought was freely consenting to physical intimacy with me (giving him benefit of the doubt that he actually thought that) felt that way my reaction wouldn't be "too bad you're not attracted to me but we'll still be friends where I constantly talk about how pretty you are and what you should wear. I never pressured you into anything btw! Me going oh come on whenever you said no to me was just me being cute!", it would be "oh shit, did I pressure you? I'm so sorry and will leave you alone immediately if that's what you want." And then actually leave them alone.
And this "you cannot honestly believe you're innocent can you? If you really believe that maybe I somehow wasn't clear enough?" doubting on my side is all pretty standard stuff as these kind of situations go I'm pretty sure, and I feel reasonably confident most people would still take my side given full details, but at the same time... even on tumblr I see people making fun of the idea that you should ask verbal consent for every little thing as "puritanical", and while I'm reasonably sure those people are talking about "someone who's been flirting with you leans in for a kiss so you don't ask before going for it" situations and not, this whole thing, I can only think that Creepy Landlord had somehow convinced himself it was that kind of situation.
....anyways.
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Round 1 of preliminaries, group 9
The first two places get a place on the bracket
Little reminder: there will be 2 more rounds of preliminaries, the losing blorbos of this poll still have 2 chances of getting in the official bracket
Propaganda under the cut
Overlord (Bad End Theater)
"She's chill. Doesn't really get destiny. Everyone hates her and all humans assume she's evil and is planning to kill them when she's just trying to mind her business (yes, I relate to that). She likes to sleep. She has father issues. She is a lesbian. She doesn't have friends. Probably has some form of anger issues at times though. Everything a relatable blorbo needs really"
Denji (Chainsaw Man)
No propaganda
Abed Nadir (NBC Community)
"Nerdy bicon pulling bad bitches by being autistic"
Entrapta (She-Ra and the Princesses of Power)
"She’s very very good at her favourite topics and very very bad at people. She does bad things as a consequence of her extreme naïveté. She gets so excited about her favourite topics and really doesn’t care about anything else.
“I’m not good at people. But I am good at tech. I thought, if I could use tech to help you, maybe you’d like me.” "
Gren (The Dragon Prince)
"He gets locked up in a dungeon for a long time, and when asked why he isn't absolutely miserable yet, he says something along the lines of, "why be chained down when I can be chained UP?" And does a double thumbs up. He is just like me fr because I also do the thumbs up thing when I should be miserable and am trying so hard to keep my shit together (or at least look like I have my shit together)."
Ocean O'Connell Rosenberg (Ride The Cyclone)
"shes a burnt out, super anxious, probably autistic gifted kid with neglectful parents, shes hated by literally everyone, and is just the biggest damn deeply closeted lesbian ive ever seen"
#tumblr polls#tumblr tournament#character bracket#character tournament#preliminaries#bad end theater Overlord#bad end theater#csm denji#chainsaw man#abed nadir#community nbc#Entrapta#she ra#she ra and the princesses of power#the dragon prince#the dragon prince Gren#Ocean O'Connell Rosenberg#ride the cyclone
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I agree with you that it's ableist to interpret inability to understand social norms as predatory, but I'm bothered by "not reading people's body language that says not to touch them" as an example because surely the solution there is to not touch anyone unless they explicitly say you can if you're not 100% certain you can read their body language? As an autistic person who frequently has neurotypical people touching me when I don't want it because they don't understand my body language I think it would be good for everyone - neurotypicals included - to ask for explicit consent before touching people.
(this got long; i added bold text for attempted improved accessibility, but it's a text wall no matter how you look at it. apologies.)
mm. i understand why this seems, intellectually, like a solid solution, but i have a lot of issues with its actual implementation, and i also have some experiences that raise concerns about its efficiency in destigmatizing autistic behavior. i subscribed to this rule of thumb for a time myself, and it resulted in two things:
i became hyper, hyper vigilant about my own body and actions in a way that basically traumatized me wrt social interaction. i trained myself to view my body as a weapon, which was likely to, if i did not precautionarily restrain myself, invoke horrific trauma on anyone it touched. touch became nothing but a nuclear bomb i had to prevent from going off; if i so much as brushed a friend's skin by accident while walking by them, i viewed it as a failure, and more importantly, a failure that had the potential to horrifically traumatize them for life in a way that was entirely my fault.
it did not help me at all in interpersonal relationships, because there is a threshold past which it's considered annoying and rude to continue to ask for explicit verbal consent at every single individual action, and to some extent, even as an autistic myself, i also found it annoying, rude, and quite honestly a massive energy expenditure. seriously, if you have a partner who's willing, try it out sometime--but specifically try it out in a way that would be an accessibility tool for an autistic assuming literally 0 body language fluency. before a quick peck on the lips, ask "can i kiss you," before tapping their shoulder to get their attention ask "can i tap your shoulder," before sitting next to them on the couch ask "is it okay if my thigh touches your thigh," and make sure to do this in each individual instance no matter how often the answer is "yes" or how long you've known each other.
the latter bullet point has a tendency to be taken in bad faith--it tends to be associated with people being "purposefully obtuse," and get eye-rolls and "of course you don't need to do that, you're taking this to an extreme on purpose, just be normal!" this reaction is part of the fundamental issue i see with people's treatment of autistics in discussions around consent, body language, and sexual interactions; a significant portion of autism is not having the capacity to understand social context and integrate that understanding naturally into our relationships. many autistic people can't understand when it's time to universalize a particular interaction; if the impetus is on us, then in order to avoid violating a social more, we will have to expend that energy and take it upon ourselves to be obnoxious to literally ask consent for every individual interaction, every single time it happens, regardless of context, because that context is inaccessible to us.
ok, with all of that said: i think these two points work together to paint a depressing picture of autistic engagements with consent culture/body language. most language barriers wrt nonverbal communication do not happen in one isolated instance with a stranger; these are patterns and long-standing relationships with the people in the spaces that autistics occupy daily. this includes close relationships like family and close friendships, sure, but i'm mostly referring to spaces like weekly club meetings, mutual aid groups, the same people that show up at the gay bar every week, the people at the library every day, etc.
the depressing fact is: with these re-occurring and important social relationships, putting the onus on the autistic person to self-modulate without any leeway for miscommunication both sets the expectation that if someone is made uncomfortable, it is the autistic's fault (which i believe is where my "body as a weapon, touch as abuse" neurosis stemmed from), and also locks autistics out of fairly normal prosocial bonding behaviors because, on a larger scale, leaning into this solution makes neurotypicals just about as uncomfortable as misreading their body language and hugging them when they don't want a hug! autistics are regularly referred to as "pressuring," or just simply "creepy" and excluded from social bonding, for asking for permission "too many" times. being "standoffish" and not engaging in "normal" amounts of physical affection with friends is often considered just as creepy as engaging in "too much."
i also want to add that this sort of body language/nonverbal cue language barrier doesn't just apply to physical touch that is theoretically possible to get explicit verbal consent for in every instance. i've seen autistics called out (in the true sense of the term callout, where they are legitimately referred to as predatory) for consistently standing "too close" to others, making eye contact for an uncomfortably long period of time, looking at the wrong parts of someone's body (like "staring at my feet"),
also, i'd like to add on that some people are entirely nonverbal and only communicate via body language/nonverbal cues; any one-size-fits-all consent culture/communication norm is going to harm some group of people who can't communicate in that way, and the new norm becoming "solely verbal communication of boundaries is acceptable, and any touch that is not requested verbally is assault" is going to have harmful splashback on those who solely communicate nonverbally.
i think that a greater cultural focus on both setting explicit boundaries and accepting boundaries is the best we're going to get in terms of navigating consent in ways that are disability-accessible; i also think that more education on varying communication styles and anti-ableist community work is the best we're going to get in terms of cutting down on the amount of active language barriers. i think that plenty of allistics can be taught to use verbal communication a bit more than they do--the fact that allistic culture is the dominant violently-enforced hegemony indicates to me that there is probably more space for allistics to learn to "speak" autism-adjacent communication than there is for autistics to learn allistic communication. i also think that greater forgiveness and leeway once a language barrier is recognized is the thing i'm advocating the most for here; if you recognize that someone is not understanding your nonverbal language, for example, a societal pressure to acknowledge this and go your separate ways would be a massive improvement over the current pressure to view this as inherently a predatory action.
in order to get there, though, i think we have to openly and vocally address the culture that we are currently in, where language barriers wrt body language/nonverbal cues get responded to with incredible social and even physical violence, even (and sometimes particularly) in leftist and nominally anti-ableist spaces. i have repeatedly seen autistics socially ostracized, cut off from vital material support, and even physically attacked, for failing to recognize a nonverbal cue, failing to understand and integrate social context into an interaction, and numerous other cases of failing to "speak allistic." i have, in fact, repeatedly seen this happen in neurodiverse spaces, including with the aggression coming from other autistics who have higher social competence. part of what has prompted me to start talking about this in the first place, tbh, is the proliferation of autistics on social media who have moderately-to-very high social competence and project their capabilities onto all autistics, even rejecting the idea that there are autistic profiles that include the very things they're decrying as universally "creepy" or "red flags," and who have hijacked the autistic narrative in leftist spaces to a massive degree.
anyway: thank you for your ask, and i'm happy to have the chance to talk about my thoughts on this topic on a less defensive and more "generally here's some things i'm mulling over" level.
i don't have a good call to action or a way to end this post neatly, but i'm very happy to have this discussion, particularly out in the open where it can be engaged in by The Public, and would highly appreciate more autistic engagement on this topic, particularly from other low-social-competency and 0-nonverbal-fluency autistics (who i've been fairly isolated from irl, sadly, and rarely run across a fellow one on social media due to how much our voices are buried).
#i WILL turn reblogs and replies off on this post the moment someone decides to be a clown#i swear to fucking g-d engage in good faith. please. i beg you.#anonymous#ask#long post#VERY long post
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Goh is neurodivergent and you can’t change my mind
Since today is Autism Acceptance Day, this is the perfect time to look back on Goh’s iconic moments throughout Journeys and how they support my headcanon that he is autistic. This is also @pikatrainer99‘s headcanon, and we collaborated to make this post. And yes, we are both autistic, and we are allowed to encourage acceptance through this headcanon. If you’re not autistic and you disagree with any of this, then kindly leave.
With that out of the way though, let’s start with episode 1. And, oh boy, is there a lot to unpack! Just in this episode alone, we can see that Goh has a clear special interest in Pokemon, which brings him so much joy to talk about (which I can totally relate to). We also see that he lacked some social skills, didn’t understand social cues, and infodumped about all the different Pokemon they encountered as he didn’t understand that his role was to be the listener, not the teacher. But the biggest thing that stood out to me was when he said that he didn’t need friends, and it’s later revealed that he had been avoiding going to school. This seems to imply that something happened at school that made him stop going, which is unfortunately not uncommon for autistic people to go through (I would’ve gone through that if homeschooling wasn’t an option for me). So instead, he spent all his time on the computer doing Pokemon research.
Fast forward 4 years later to episode 2, and we see that Goh still finds just as much enjoyment in Pokemon research, with still no interest yet in making new friends. That is until he meets Ash, who was one of the first people he met who loves Pokemon just as much as he does. Because Goh still didn’t understand how friendship worked, he announced to him “I accept you as my friend!” As adorable as this is, it’s not the typical reaction to meeting someone, and I’m glad that it was Ash he said this too and not anyone else.
But episode 3 is when I really started seeing myself in Goh, as it was the first to show his insecure side, which likely developed from multiple instances of being misunderstood. After having one small argument with Ash, Goh became convinced that their friendship was completely over, that he messed it up. He even starts tearing up while muttering to himself, “so you’re one of those people too...”, which shows just how much having Ash as a friend means to him. Fortunately though, since Ash is so forgiving, he quickly forgot all about the argument and helped reassure Goh that they’re still friends, much to his relief.
After episode 3, the evidence became a little more spread out, but we can clearly see in multiple future episodes that Goh’s friendship with Ash hasn’t “changed” his autistic-coded traits. We still see many of these traits throughout the series, especially his fear of being rejected (which I headcanon as RSD, aka Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, which is commonly linked with autism and ADHD). This was most prevalently seen throughout episode 22, when Goh became convinced that Raboot didn’t want him as its trainer anymore and would live a happier life without him, which fortunately turned out to be untrue as Raboot came back for him. This was seen again in episode 101, when Goh saw Grookey getting along so well with the wild Grookey and Thwackey they met that he thought Grookey would be happier living with them. But once again, his beloved partner came back, reassuring him that they do belong together.
Speaking of the Galar starters, we also saw in episode 62 that Goh has trouble identifying his emotions, aka alexithymia (also commonly linked with autism). During a childhood flashback, after he had lost interest in playing with the other kids, his teacher asked him why, but Goh was unable to answer as he didn’t know why himself. Even in the present day when he reassured Drizzile that it’s okay not to know why it’s feeling this way, he began to tear up without knowing why. Something tells me this is something that he’s always needed to hear, whether he realized it or not.
And of course, we can’t talk about Goh’s insecure side without talking about episode 32. Even though we knew by the end that it was all a misunderstanding, Goh was convinced for three whole years that Tokio had intentionally broken his promise and abandoned him. This experience heavily traumatized him, which we can clearly see as his encounters with Ariados and Pineco bring back the memories of his time with Tokio and the painful emotions he associated them with. Not to mention this took place a year after episode 1, when he was already uninterested in making new friends. Seeing his first close friendship end this way definitely contributed to his distrust in others and unclear grasp of how friendship works, even after the two eventually made up.
This was even shown as late as episode 135, the penultimate episode of Journeys. He spent the entire episode trying to find the courage to tell Ash that he wanted to go on his own journey... only for Ash to casually tell him the same thing. Goh felt so betrayed by this that it led to an emotional outburst, which I can honestly understand. I wouldn’t want my dear friends to make this kind of casual announcement either. This proves that even after all this time of bonding with Ash and growing as a person and trainer, Goh still has much work to do when it comes to understanding social relations, which is a lifetime commitment for autistic people.
Fortunately, Goh has still managed to find much fulfillment on his journey. Not only has he finally gotten to embrace his deep passion for Pokemon, but he’s also formed multiple friendships with Pokemon. In fact, Pika and I believe that the reason he wants to catch ‘em all (apart from working his way up to Mew) is because he feels more comfortable befriending Pokemon than people. Pokemon don’t judge him the way people do, so it makes perfect sense why he would want to have friends in his life who won’t betray him.
Overall, we’re both super happy that we got to spend three years following the journey of one of the most relatable characters in Pokemon history. Goh will always be one of our favourite characters, and we’ll always look back fondly on his many iconic and relatable moments ❤️
#anipoke#pokeani#gou#goh#trainer go#trainer gou#trainer goh#autism#autism acceptance#autism headcanon#autistic characters#autistic positivity#this is our headcanon and you cannot change it
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E, n, u for the letters ask please! 🖖
E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom? If so, what?
Yes, but not recently! These were back in early early high school. I wrote a very short, very bad Draco Malfoy/Apple(as in the fruit) fic once. I hope to god it has been lost to time. I will not tell anyone what my fanfiction dot net username was.
I also wrote a Doctor Who/Supernatural/Sherlock/X Files/Star Trek: The Original Series/Warehouse 13/The Yellow Submarine(not Beatles RPF because the only character was Jeremy Hillary Boob, PhD aka The Nowhere Man)/Invader Zim crackfic extravaganza in collab with @gabrielnovakgoestomyschool (there may have been another fandom that I forgot). I do not know if it has survived the passage of time. I almost hope it did. They were all in this incredibly Escher-esque grocery store trying to get milk.
I guess recently I accidentally wrote "Loghain Mac Tit" instead of "Loghain Mac Tir" when starting a post, took one look at it, and just posted it without further elaboration. I don't know if anyone ELSE thought it was funny, but I definitely did.
N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice).
U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.
Anders - I love an underdog, I love a revolutionary, I love a pathetic tall man who looks like he hasn't slept in a month, I love a man who will make Those Sounds when he kisses me. Also he loves cats and complaining; same, Anders.
More seriously, I think he's a deeply misunderstood character by both those around him in canon, by his writing team and Bioware as a whole, and by the general fandom(not any of my beloved mutuals, we are all in the Right About Anders club); despite this, I do think he is a cohesive character. I just don't necessarily think that he is a cohesive character on purpose.
I love the implications of his bonding with Justice, and the avenues it opens up for writing. I fully believe that Anders believes that he corrupted Justice into Vengeance, and that Vengeance is a demon; I just don't believe it's true.
Stephen Maturin - Ohhh, Stephen, my beloved. Patrick O'Brian cooked you up in a lab specifically to make me insane (nevermind the fact that I was three years old when he died) - mine is a fated obsession, to the point that I actually had a crazy-dramatic, toxic relationship with an autistic Trinity College naturalist for four and a half years directly out of high school; my brain simply had not fully learned that Stephen Maturin existed (I'd seen the movie once or twice and listened to the soundtrack ad nauseum because of my mother but never payed much attention), and fixated on the next best thing.
Here is my Stephen Maturin propaganda:
He's a tiny, angry little man who calls animals and friends and his wife alike "honey" and "my dear" and "acushla/a chuisle" (I will never forget the "awwwwwwww" that came from my mouth the one time he called Tom Pullings honey). He calls his best friend "soul" and "joy", and his other best friend "honey-bun".
He's an International Super Spy, one of the most effective in the British service, and refuses to be paid for it because he hates tyranny so much (he does not like English colonialism either, but he has decided that England is the best way to beat Napoleon). He's an Irish and Catalan revolutionary (I did say I love a revolutionary), who is somewhat in hiding in the first book because of his associations with The Society of United Irishmen, and therefore connections to the Irish Uprising of 1798. Despite this impressive resume, this man has never met a boat or ship he is not in danger of not falling out of - he has been at sea for the better part of twenty years by the end of the series, and he still must be Carefully Watched to make sure he does not drown, or get soaked through to the skin.
He is an acclaimed surgeon, with a miraculous success rate. He is also a renowned natural philosopher who has discovered multiple species, including a giant tortoise. He is the least tidy or fastidious man in all of creation, and is constantly covered in blood and/or winestains and/or crumbs. He pours alcohol over surgical sites not because he knows of germ theory, but because he thinks it'll help with pain.
The only non-familial friend he's had longer than Jack Aubrey(who lives longer than the first book. Sorry James, ily) is Adhemar de la Mothe, a known and flamboyantly queer Parisian. He regularly says that he does not see the harm in sodomy so long as no one is harassing the ship's boys, and that anything that adds more love to the world seems a good thing. He loses his mind over a woman, and the more awful she is to him the more he loses it.
Speaking of Diana Villiers - Oh, Diana. I am fully in understanding with Stephen over you. A beautiful, headstrong woman who can ride better than most men, stuck in the most boring atmosphere of Southern England with her aunt and cousins after the death of her husband and her father both made her leave India - I cannot blame her for many of her actions.
Diana is a fascinating character, and to me she is proof of Patrick O'Brian's writing ability. Most authors of Men Go To War books don't really seem to know how to write women very well (C.S. Forester I am looking at you. I do not know who Maria is outside of her fawning over Hornblower), but Diana is a fully fledged person from the moment we meet her setting her horse over a gate, despite the fact that we never see any of the events of the twenty books through her eyes. Not only is she a fully realised character, but she is one that shows his understanding of the setting he writes in.
Diana Villiers is coping with grief - not only grief for her husband and her father, but for her independence. Her life in India, keeping house for her father from her mid-teens, would have been almost as different as one can imagine from the life of a poor relation take in on charity by a widowed aunt. She feels stifled in the English countryside, forced to play second fiddle to her cousins in order to keep the peace and a roof over her head. I cannot blame her for toying with men's hearts as a source of entertainment.
Going into keeping with Canning is Diana's attempt to regain at least some measure of independence, and it is successful, to some extent. She has money, she is back in a country she finds familiar and exciting - but she also has a jealous, suspicious lover who employs their servants as spies to watch her activities, and little company because she is herself a scandal. Stephen's proposal offers her a way out of her situation; it also, to her, seems like a loss of freedom, not only because Stephen loves her, but also because she loves him, and that terrifies her.
So she instead runs away with Johnson to America. Johnson, of course, is worse than Canning, and she leaves him temporarily, but then her freedom in England is threatened, again, this time by suspicions of intelligence work (I always wonder just how she got tied up so tightly in Mrs Wogan's subterfuge; did Johnson have something to do with it?), and surprise! Johnson is there to whisk her away from the danger. But he's worse still, and Stephen manages to intervene(yay Stephen) and get her away and back to Europe.
This just keeps happening. Diana wants something that is almost entirely impossible for a woman in the period she lives in: liberty. Anything that could interfere with her freedom and independence is avoided at any cost - even her own feelings for Stephen. Especially her feelings for Stephen.
She also, to me as someone with BPD/cPTSD now pretty well in remission, reads as a very empathetic and accurate portrayal of someone with BPD/cPTSD. Personally I think Being A Woman In The Late 1700s is enough reason on its own to have it(and we don't know enough of Diana's life before the Peace of Amiens to speculate on other Sources Of Trauma other than the death of her husband and father), but a lot of her hot-and-cold feels so familiar to me. She can be so cruel, and mean it fully in the moment she's saying it, but almost immediately regret her cruelty while still doubling down because she feels she has no other options.
Wow. This got really long. I hope everyone enjoys my Aubreyad Opinions Of The Day
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🌹🍃The Sound of Silence: Wally West x Mute Reader🍃🌹
[Wally West (Kid flash) Young justice (2010)]
Authors note: This wasn't a request, just something that popped up in my mind, as I go mute. But still feel the need to mask it a lot. So I just want to write a vent about myself, masking, with a character I love.
Many team members were a little wary of you at first; it wasn't anything you did wrong. It was more that they didn't know you or realize your mentor either.
Dick and Tim immediately noticed that you were autistic or at least some type of neurodivergent, mainly due to having Bruce as their father figure, being around Damian, and also Tim being autistic. With all the changes, they ensured you got accommodations to make you feel more comfortable, though they also stayed manageable. Not holding your hand but giving you that safety net.
It was Wally that actually first tried making friends with you, him being the most friendly out of your teammates. Besides Kon, that is, Wally was more enthusiastic. Wanting to make sure you feel welcome. He quickly realized that you couldn't talk; he was confused about why. He found out why through Dick and during the Team being mind linked.
After a while of you two being friends, you and Wally communicated through some basic ASL and some of your stims. He actually nicked his favorite stim of yours, named Happy jazz hands. Another was a vocal stim you picked up while being around him. That being, you mimicking the sound of him using the speed force.
Though, being Autistic, there were downs along with the upsides. Occasionally, having meltdowns or panic attacks due to touching a particular texture or something causes you to change your routine. Wally started regularly helping when you were going through them, helping you calm down. Wither that was helping you get to your room, getting you away from the texture or situation, letting you cuddle into him, or holding his hand.
The rest of your teammates did warm up to you at their own pace, but you stick to Wally like glue. Which did cause Dick to tease his redheaded friend. Especially when you two were holding hands or cuddling on the sofa. You didn't pick up on the social cues of why Dick was teasing him.
At some point, Wally couldn't figure out when his soft spot for you turned into deeper feelings. He didn't know that you definitely felt the same. Though you were hypervigilant, you never tried making a further move, just in case you were reading into things wrong.
During one of your meltdowns, College life, hero work, and every goddamn noise made you feel static and frustrated. Wally carefully approached you, helping you get to your room. This time, however, you asked him to stay with you. Signing: [You visit], which Wally agreed to, sitting on your bed with you.
Resting your head on his chest, though, typical for you both, there was some extra tension for Wally. He loved helping you calm down, even when he was more drained. It means you trust him immensely, but he feels he's tainting that trust by not telling you his true feelings. So he promises to tell you tonight after you've calmed down fully.
'Hey, [name]? Can I tell you something?.' the worried tone made your mouth dry. Does he find me annoying? Did I do something wrong? Sign: [Yes], you knocked twice on an invisible table motion to tell him yes. With a sigh, he continued, 'I don't know when the feelings started,' he paused to word the next ones better, 'but I've grown to really like you, more than just a friend.' The last part, his voice wavering with nervousness.
He finally turned his eyes to you when he felt your weight shift over him. [I. Like. You] was what you signed with a smile, which encouraged a smile to form on the Speedster's. 'I'm so glad,' he laughs with joy when you pull him into a hug.
_______________________________________________
Tumblr decided to be a bitch and post this before I was done, so I quickly edited it to have an ending. I'm mad because I was still working on how I wanted to describe ASL!
{Edited on 1 May 2023}
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1, 10, 15, 16 Question answer thingity bobbity
Ask meme
You picked some hard hitters!! Oof! I’ll try my best some of these answers maybe whishy washy lmao
1. What are three things that shaped you into who you are?
Not to be cliche (can you be with this?) but childhood trauma and neglect ™️ lmao. Its made me an independent and strong/stubborn person.
Animals. My connection to them and their unconditional love and understanding, as an autistic child I had very few friends but always managed to make meaningful connections with animals. They are the reason I do the work that I do today and I am forever grateful for that.
I think im still to early in my life to have a third thing?
But otherwise I dunno maybe going to Uni and upturning my life as a result. I moved to a new state away from everything I ever knew and experienced so many amazing things. It was simultaneously the best and worst period of my life haha. I would never change it for the world.
Or the rise of internet and fandom and learning about queerness and finally being able to put a name to all the things I had ever experienced (learning about other gender identities like nonbinary and gender queer was so liberating)
10. Would you say you are an emotional person?
Yes I am but it’s all over the place. I personally have a hard time processing my own emotions and experiencing them. I either just put up a wall, shutdown, go mute or I mostly project most emotions as anger as it comes as second nature.
However Im insanely empathetic and will easily project someone else’s emotions. This is why I think I like dark media, I’m really drawn to “dead dove”, hurt no comfort type movies and fiction, stuff that makes me hurt in my chest and cry cause it makes me feel something lmao.
15. What do you think of when you think the word home?
At this point in time? Its where ever my partner is, no one else knows me like he does. No one else provides me that comfort.
16. If you could change one thing about you what would it be?
Hmmmmmmm can I be naughty and say multiple lmao.
Ive always wanted a dick ngl haha. That or be better at talking to people. The autistic feeling of being unlikely and unable to connect with people and make friends its exhausting fr.
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My sentence:
“I'm autistic you need to be more specific.”
Here you go! (I’ve never written an autistic character before, but I tried my best. I hope this isn’t disrespectful in anyway. That is never my intention.) I hope you enjoy ❤️
“I’m autistic you need to be more specific.”
You stand in the hallway of the compound with Wanda, your closest friend on the team and easily the one you are most comfortable around, “on Friday’s we eat pizza here and hang out with the team, why wouldn’t we just do that?”
The witch, who has been trying and failing to ask you out on a date for the past ten minutes, releases a soft sigh and kicks herself for trying to rely on social clues, “I am interested in you romantically, and would like to take you out on a date and spend a night out by ourselves, so we can spend some time just the two of us.”
Nervously, you begin to pick at the skin around your fingernails as you fully absorb this new information: your crush has a crush on you.
“…only if you’re interested,” Wanda says, unsure if the pause was because you are uncomfortable or just considering, “I figured we could maybe go to the little shop you always eat in and then head to the Art History Museum, what do you say?”
You look to her with a smile that she quickly reflects, “yes, I am interested; I think I would like that very much.”
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This is gonna be abit of a mouthful, but I need to get it off my chest now that years have passed and we've (hopefully you have too) matured by now.
I once looked up to you, but that was a very long time ago. The trauma you caused me is irreversible. tbf I used to be a brat and if I could go back in time to backhand my younger self I would, I own up to that. But I was only a teenager, still growing and learning about myself and how to talk to others properly. Turns out I was pretty much autistic, so communication wasn't my strong point at all back then.
But even then, your two-faced behavior of proudly shitting on and bragging about how much money you were ripping off the furry community, the people who actively supported you, loved your work and paid your bills, was appalling. I had every right to call you out on it. Instead of accepting it was wrong, you sent your roommates out like attack dogs to fight your battles, defend your toxic behavior and harass me. Every time I blocked them they would find a different site to attack me on. I struggled to make friends for years after that incident, I felt I couldn't trust anyone because of what you guys did.
Years passed, and I genuinely hoped you had changed for the better, only to see a callout post during pride of all times, about your grossly acephobic attitude. I had friends who were blocked by you and didn't understand why. You need to understand your damaging actions have severe affects on real people, and when you make public apologies, the people who comment saying they forgive you don't count if they weren't the ones hurt by you. They don't speak for those affected.
I'm not looking for an apology, even if given one I probably wouldn't accept it after all the damage you've done to me. I have zero interest in you being in my life again. I just wanted to give you this perspective to get it off my chest and for you to mull on, I want you to use it to improve yourself as a person moving forward. See the wrong in your actions, how badly it affects others, and make the choice to make things right.
But that's up to you now.
Hey, I know who this is an I want you to know that I think about you often.
Read more below
Sometimes your stuff shows up on my feed or someone shares something with me that youve made because we have common interests and I think to myself
Im glad theyre doing well and I hope youre surrounded by people who support you. I dont say this as a way to like
Save face because this is a public anon. I would say this to you in private if I could.
I was a very nasty person years and years ago and no apology will take back the pain Ive caused others from that. Especially not you.
But I am sorry. I wish things could have been different. I do.
For the acephobia. Yes. I was acephobic and horrible about it. I hurt a lot of people from that and cant ever take that back but know that Ive learned a lot about how to treat others and unpack the internalized hatred towards my own ace'ness and how others present themselves.
I also want to say I never sent my roommates on you. That was a choice they did on their own without my knowledge. I never ever want someone to go after anyone on my behalf and while it is likely hard to believe that those who have known me these past 5-6 years can vouch that as true. I have on multiple occasions asked my friends to leave people alone I end up disagreeing with. I never name drop people I dont get along with. I dont even tell people besides my very very private close friends about what happened between me and you and that might be about 3 or 4 people at most.
As for blocking? I block very liberally LOL and its almost never personal. I block people for the smallest things just to curate my social media experience.
If you ever wanted to reconnect and try again
Im here. And I have no hatred in my heart. I have held myself accountable all these years for things I should have done better. Handled softer.
In the end
Truly. Im glad youve made a beautiful career out of something you love and no matter what happens between us I hope you continue to thrive. With all my heart.
#smigglesask#I often tell anyone who asks about the callout on me that it is 100000% warranted and that I was a piece of shit and people deserve#to know what kind of person i used to be#I dont want to hide and pretend Im perfect or that I never hurt people
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from @autistic-katara, to @kirjavafan
Part 1:
1979
The final bell of the day at Hawkins Elementary, Mike couldn’t be happier. He’d been watching the clock for what felt like hours.
He walked out of school with his best friend, Will Byers, and they stood together as they waited for their moms to come pick them up.
“Hey… Mike?” He heard Will ask.
“Yeah?”
“Do you want to come over tomorrow? It’s the first night of Chanukah, and my mom said I could invite you.”
“Sure,” Mike replied, “but what’s Chanukah?”
“It’s this holiday where we light some candles at night for eight days, my mom says it’s Jewish.” Will explained. “We haven’t celebrated it for years ‘cause of my dad but he’s not here this year so…” He trailed off. “But yeah, there’s food and music and from what I remember it’s really fun so do you wanna come?”
“Yeah, sure. I’ll ask my mom later.” Mike answered.
Will grinned. “Cool!”
Just then Mike’s mom pulled up and Mike walked over to her.
“Oh! Also, Jonathan told me to ask you to ask Nancy if she wanted to come too!” Will called after him.
His mom said yes to him going over, with Nancy agreeing to come too. The next night their mom dropped the two of them off at the Byers’ house and they went inside, not sure what to expect.
The first thing that he noticed when he went inside was the smell of food. He couldn’t exactly place the smell, though it was sort of similar to when his mom made roast potatoes.
Joyce welcomed them inside, telling them to wait in the living room while she finished making something called “latkes”.
Mike hadn’t been sure what to expect, but it was the most fun he’d had in ages. They played this game where they spun a thing called a dreidel and bet chocolate coins. They ate donuts and the weird potato things called latkes (that tasted amazing with sour cream), and Joyce put on some lively music in a language Mike didn’t understand.
They sat around the table, a thing with nine candle holders, one candle on the far left and another on the slightly raised middle (Joyce had called it a “chanukiah”), standing in on it. Joyce lit the middle candle with a lighter and then used the lit candle to light the other.
When Mike asked why they lit the candles like that she had told them the story of the holiday. She talked about how the Greeks had invaded and were trying to destroy Jewish culture and religion, how a small army had driven the invaders away, but afterward they only had enough oil to keep their menorah (“like a chanukiah but bigger and with less candles” she’d explained) burning for a day, meanwhile it would take eight days to get more, but miraculously the small jug of oil had lasted them the whole time. It was why they lit candles for eight days, lighting one candle on day one (plus the “shamash” which Joyce said represented the oil) and lighting an extra one each night until on the last night all of the candles were lit.
When it was time to go home Mike really didn’t want to, he’d had so much fun. But Joyce had promised him he could come over another night during the holiday as well.
Mike went over for Chanukah almost every year. He didn’t go every night, but for at least one of them he would be there, lighting candles and playing dreidel.
That was, at least, until Chanukah 1985.
Part 2:
Mike sat in his bedroom, the clock beside his bed reading 1:05am. He should probably be asleep.
Instead, he was sitting at his desk writing.
Dear Will, I hope you’re having a nice night.
This week’s the first Chanukah in years that I’m not coming over to yours to celebrate, and I’ll be honest I never knew I’d miss it this much until we couldn’t do it.
He paused writing, debating on whether to try and draft the rest of the letter into something sendable or to let this delve into something else to add to his “unsent letters” pile.
I’ll be more honest, I didn’t know how much I’d miss you until you were gone. I wish you were back here and we could talk over a plate of your mom’s latkes or something. I know it’s stupid, but fuck it. It’s not like I’m going to send this anyway.
I half wish I’d told you that I love you last year. Maybe the rejection from that would’ve made this hurt less, or maybe in some alternate universe where you liked me back you wouldn’t have left.
I don’t know, stupid 1am thoughts. Sorry for writing this in a way where it’ll never reach you.
Love, Mike.
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