i want to study at a boston-area university.

i will pronounce color as caalah and use smoot units. i would watch Cheers on Netflix all night while drinking cranberry juice with my flatmates. i'll have dunkin donuts every day that's worth 5 dollahs. i would go to dorm parties every night. i am also more likely to meet Matt Damon, the New England Patriots, Mark Wahlberg and the MBTA.

i wish i was from massachusetts :(

Tumblr Live: it’s not that serious. By BorderlineBelle

Literally I met mutuals of 10+ years on tumblr live.

The hatred over tumblr live was over the top and insane… it truly wasn’t that serious.

If you can stand to be thought critiqued, stay. 🙂

Yes, they robbed us of all our personal info, that’s our choice. Basically.. that’s every single app ever. Wake up. Everyone is just choosing their daddy to participate in this society, which exists ONLINE in equal measure.

Ya’ll bend over to SOME cloud daddy collection somewhere.. unless all your family photos hit printer ink 🫨 why is this the hill you were willing to die on?

Tumblr Live was good.

People hung out, did hobbies, met mutuals, discussed old and new tumblr, made new friends, shared art and music and passion and hobbies…

Before the flood of MeetMe folks… (which was awful. as an OG… I get it) .. it was a chill place to hang out.

The active and consistent and LOUD trolls made it so negative and latched on and like the USUAL TUMBLR PIRANHAS… wouldn’t let it GO.

You made a hashtag and shopped it day and night. Like why???

#TurnOffTumblrLive … was wild.

I consider myself part of the few who supported EVERY FANDOM.. kinda 😅. I’ve been on tumblr for my whole life and before that and I try to be a GOOD community member!

I wasn’t actively working for every fandom 😅 but if it was a high holy holiday of your fandom or a meme or a joke that was so popular it circulated into the main highways of tumblr… that needed spreading… I of course let it roll across my dashboard. I reblogged your top chosen artists and musicians, whomever your communities had chosen … we supported. I supported. As a bit of an outliner. A sad girl yadda yadda mentally ill and sexy… screaming into the void at the porn bots 🤷🏽‍♀️ it was a niche trust me… but I did and do participate with positivity even if I didn’t get the joke.

And … YOU ALL… BURIED AND KICKED AROUND tumblr live as if she was a DiLaurentis triplet. 🤧

It was way overboard imo. 🤧💅🏽

Some people used tumblr live for good. 👁️👁️

Then the REALLY determined trolls harassed the poor CEO guy and we ALL KNOW HE’s STRESSED. His hair is thinning. We can see it and ya’ll demand and do too much. i hope to one day sit with the man and say, “you’re doing mostly, kind of .. a fine job.” 👍🏽😬

Tumblr, in general, is one of the few places left on the interweb that maintains the primary basic deliciousness of self expression through the works of others. It remains from LONG AGO.

Don’t fucking ruin the overall umbrella of the tumblr space… with deep… leaving funny and entering disturbing… cynicism.

Remember the LISTEN to OTHER pov’s too. 🤷🏽‍♀️🙂

Real people exist behind the cameras.

That’s all.

I’m glad it’s gone too.

2024 tumblr is gonna be shmexy.

Hi, What do you think about the cheating rumors? I stopped watching royals 4 years ago, and I am shocked! What has happened? WTF is Rose back? Is Will stupid enough to get rid of her?

What happened recently? So much happened, anon. Let's see if I can give you the TL;DR.

January 16: Kensington Palace announced that Kate was having planned surgery on her abdomen and wouldn't be making any public appearances or sharing further details.

January 29: Kensington Palace announced that Kate had returned home from the hospital. People were upset there was no "proof of life" photo of Kate.

February 9: The Waleses go to Sandringham/Anmer Hall for the kids' half-term break. There are two sets of gossip from royal reporters. Gossip #1 - Kate is well and healthy and with the family. Gossip #2 - Kate's situation is worse than we're told and it's dire.

February 27, in the morning: William pulls out of attending King Constantine's memorial service of thanksgiving. KP says it has nothing to do with Kate but it's later confirmed that it wasn't true, that William pulled out because of Kate's diagnosis.

February 27, in the evening: Sussex Squad makes conspiracy theories about Kate go mainstream and viral on Twitter/social media. I won't rehash them all here but the rumors get dark and blame William and bring back the original Rose affair rumors.

March 4: Kate and Carole papped in a car around Windsor near the kids' school. Kate doesn't look like Kate, jumpstarting conspiracy theories again.

March 10: UK Mother's Day. The Waleses publish a photo of Kate and the kids taken by William. Sussex Squad goes after the photo for having been edited. Getty, and other agencies, kill the photo. It blows up into a huge thing. Celebrities pile on with their own jokes and memes about editing their photos, including Blake Lively and Kim Kardashian.

March 11: Kate issues a statement taking responsibility for editing the photo and apologizing for it. William and Kate are papped in a car leaving Windsor Castle.

March 12: Stephen Colbert jokes about the Rose affair rumor on his show.

March 16: Kate is papped with William at the grocery store. People claim it's her lookalike double because her hair is too hair and she's too skinny. (WTF, yes, I agree.)

March 22: Kensington Palace drops bombshell video statement by Kate that cancer had been found in whatever was removed during her operation in January and she was beginning a course of preventative chemotherapy. No further work or public engagements for Kate at this time. The celebrities that piled onto Kate during "March Madness" (the conspiracy theories and photo-editing weeks) get served humble pie and issue meek apologies that mean nothing.

April 23: Louis's birthday. As a consequence of the way the media flipped out over the Mother's Day photo, the Waleses publish the birthday photo (taken by Kate) exclusively to their social media and don't distribute it to media / photo agencies.

April 29: The Waleses publish an old new-to-us photo from their wedding for their anniversary on their social media.

May 2: Charlotte's birthday. Same deal with Louis - Kate takes the photo, they publish exclusively to their social media and don't distribute it in advance to the photo agencies / media.

May 12: Camilla is papped at the Badminton Horse Show talking to Rose Hanbury. No one cares.

May 14: Sussex Squad finds the photos of Camilla and Rose from the weekend and bring back the affair rumors. They claim that Kate is dead and the BRF is soft-launching William's mistress as his new girlfriend/future wife.

May 15: Charles and Camilla attend the OBE dedication at St. Paul's Cathedral. So do the Cholmondeleys but because they're not photographed with Charles or Camilla, no one notices they're there and no one cares they're there.

So that's what happened. That's where we are today.

How did the affair rumors start?

Discussion about whether the affair rumors are mainstream and how damaging they could be to William and Kate's reputation

Commentary about Rose

idk who else to go to with this but i have so many people sending me hate because i don’t like bucktommy when i literally never even post about them????? they keep calling me toxic and a hater and i’m not i just have shipped buddie for years and i don’t vibe with tommy…. it makes me sad because this fandom used to bond over buddie so much but now i just see angry tommy fans (and admittedly some buddie fans but nowhere near as many) spreading so much hatred and rudeness while turning around and calling buddie fans toxic when we just want to ship our 6 year long standing ship… and like i said i genuinely never post about bucktommy, and if i do say something about them that can be perceived as negative then i always tag it “anti-bucktommy” and i NEVER tag it bucktommy so that they don’t have to even see it! It hurts to open up the app not knowing if i’m going to have another person calling me homophobic or a fetishizer (i’m literally queer) or calling me a toxic bitch when i literally don’t do anything but post happy buddie content 9/10 posts! and like i said i know i’ve seen some buddie accounts go to extremes and i’m not defending that, but i’ve seen people who will call out even the slightest apprehension to bucktommy as if they stepped on someone’s grave, while simultaneously bullying and harassing buddie shippers for minding their own business… like i can’t even go into the buddie tag and it’s people attacking us left and right while the bucktommy tag is nothing but everyone gushing over them… i hate that we can’t enjoy a 6 year old ship anymore because half the fandom decided to jump to this other one that has barely gotten any screentime between two characters that don’t really have chemistry with each other and they want to berate us for it and call us names. I’m not a fetishizer and I’m not toxic, I’m just a late 20s queer girl who wants to talk about buddie without a barrage of hate and insults thrown at me but I can’t do that anymore… 9-1-1/buddie used to be my safe place but now i can’t even come on tumblr because i’m worried a stan will be lurking in my asks/replies waiting to tell me how awful i am.

i’m sorry to dump all of that on you but i just opened a really nasty ask and it hurt a lot to read what they said about me and you were the first person on my dash

Hey anon!

Okay so I can already guess I’ll be late posting this cos i think I’ll be replying to this in increments throughout my day today, and also I can tell this is really bothering you so I don’t wanna just give like a short rushed answer - oh wow I actually wrote this in one sitting cos I can’t shut up once I start

Yes the fandom has been a downright mess lately and it’s like I always say, people if you wanna engage in discourse that’s your prerogative and no one is faulting you for that but it’s the utter lack of fandom etiquette these toxic fans have that’s the real issue and I also feel like as you said a huge issue is this kind of imaginary high horse they seem to have

Like I totally agree that there is like this section of toxic bucktommy fans who try to warp not liking bucktommy into being biphobic- which look if people are actually being biphobic by all means call them out but when you’re going to actual queer people who posted 166283894 posts celebrating bi buck, only to attack them for not liking the ship?? Then that’s just plain stupid I’m sorry, like being happy to have the queer rep and not liking bucktommy isn’t mutually exclusive and it’s ridiculous people are trying to make it out to be

Like I’ve personally been sent an ask like that where they implied that I was biphobic for not being a big fan of bucktommy and that “I don’t know how exhausting it is for bi people” - which I gotta say made me go what about my blog would ever make someone think ah yes straight 🤩

And thing is at the time they sent that my most note filled post was my celebration reaction meme extravaganza to getting bi buck which I feel added some fun irony to the whole thing

And calling people shipping two MEN (buddie) homophobic takes a special kind of cognitive dissonance that I gotta say I’d almost be impressed with the leaps in logic if it wasn’t so annoying

Now I personally don’t know what state the bucktommy tag is in cos I mostly stick to the 911 abc and the buddie tag but I know how the buddie tag has been and I agree the misuse of tags to make a negative space is absolutely ridiculous and again that all goes back to the etiquette part

And the fetishising thing is also just another thing that absolutely grates my nerves, because these toxic fans really need a dictionary thrown at their heads because buddie is like the polar opposite of that.

First of all a large section of buddie shippers im aware have asexual Eddie headcanons and that aside let’s say we want gay Eddie and buddie and all those things, let’s even say we want them to fuck nasty *gasp🫢* and sloppy and write 156273 smut fics where they plain fuck like rabbits (*nun faints in the background* also probably some pearl clutching occurred upon reading this),

THAT’S NOT THE POINT HERE- the point is the main appeal of buddie as a ship isn’t that ooo look two hot guys kissing; it’s the history it’s the friendship, it’s the vulnerability, it’s the will scene, the shooting, the trust, the parallels, the understanding of each other, it’s the domesticity and it’s all these moments that have nothing to do with sex or objectifying their dynamic or mlm relationships but rather shipping them because they are two people with this amazing connection and these experiences

and THAT? That’s the furthest thing from fetishisation

Now I could be controversial and talk about how SOME and some is the operative word of this sentence- SOME toxic bucktommy fans have been blatant in not really caring about the story or the characters or buck and Tommy as individuals or the team dynamic or anything other than seeing these two men kiss, these being a lot of the same fans who refuse to watch the show other than the bucktommy and Tommy scenes and then will act like they somehow understand the show more than fans who’ve been here years or seen the whole show BUT I digress because I know that saying this is me basically asking for spam hate (so shhhh let’s pretend I didn’t say that 🤫)

who said that? 👀not me👀damn that’s crazy a ghost just ran across my keyboard 🙄

Anyways back to you specifically, because I really do think it bares mentioning, if you’ve been respectful to others then that’s all you can do and thank you on the behalf of everyone cos it really makes a difference, and I wanna say sorry on the behalf of every asshole who’s deciding to attack you for ridiculous reasons, the best advice I can give you is to genuinely not let it get to you I know it’s easier said than done but you know who you are and you know your intentions and some dumbass sitting behind a screen who can’t even properly comprehend what biphobia or fetishisation actually is (or worse DOES know what it is but is just using it as a way to put others down over a tv show to have an imaginary high ground) isn’t worth your time or your distress and they cannot change who you are

This part might be over explaining the obvious but in case you don’t know/ are new to tumblr or whatever: If you wanna continue to have fandom spaces as a safe place filtering should get rid of a lot of the posts and so should blocking but ofc you’ll see a few so just skip past and enjoy the content you like, if you wanna make posts and are scared of asks from toxic shippers maybe you can turn off your asks temporarily until you feel like you’re in a better place mentally to deal with it

Oooo or an idea that might work is you can ask your followers and mutuals (who are the ones most likely to be sending the nice asks) to use an emoji at the start of their asks to indicate to you that this is an ask you’ll like then you can delete any ask without that emoji without even having to look at the hate if it’s causing you that anxiety - if that makes sense?

I hope my reply somehow made you feel better and I really hope that you can have your fandom space and enjoyment back 🫶🫶🫶🫶

OC in 15: Kendis Crawford-Louel

rules: share 15 or fewer lines of dialogue from an OC, ideally lines that capture the character/personality/vibe of the OC. Bonus points for just using dialogue without other details about the scene, but you're free to include those as well!

I was tagged by @deepinifhell and am woefully delayed in getting on this.

Tagging: @thedeadthree @thee-morrigan @nat-seal-well @nightingalesighs @laufire @lusavors @cypresswrites @thelittlestspider @mt07131 @roxaro @quaxorascal @tuomniia @andthatisnotfake @sunshineandviolets @sapphic-story [tagged fifteen peeps! i think! and as always no pressure!]

Most of the dialogue from old rp stuff repurposed for this meme, some from unposted stuff, and a few I made up for this. (As warning: some cussing)

-----

1] However, strangeness of the situation proves that the metal gates aren’t fully down around the castle, because she bites out, bluntly, “No! No. I’m not okay.” Her breath hitches. “Don’t. D-don’t follow that up with another question. I thought we talked about this.”

By ‘we’ and ‘talked’, she meant the time she summarily shut down his last attempt to dig deeper. It should’ve been obvious by now that Kendis didn’t like accepting what they insisted on dishing out.

-

2] "Yook, Kenny, yook!"

"What'm I lookin' at, teeny tyke? --- Well, now. Look at that! Is that me? In fact, I know that's me. That's the second prettiest person in this entire art of prettiness. And is the one right next to me you? It's got to be 'cause that's definitely the prettiest person in this."

"You siwwy, Kenny. Boys not be pretty!"

"Am I? Well, if you're sayin' that's right then I'll consider it. But being silly doesn't mean I'm wrooooong~. Boys can be very pretty, kiddo. People can be whatever they wanna be so long as they're --- kind, yeah? And you're the kindest, prettiest, most talented teeny tyke, I've ever known. Oh, now you're laughin' at me, huh? Well, Ima show you 'bout that teeny brat."

-

3] "Who invented white allosexuals, like for real? Someone return this woman to sender."

-

4] "We're not even four days into a fucking New Year and this shit stain is stinkin' up the place."

-

5] "And I get that it's different things for different people. But I rather lose a place, than lose the people that matter with it."

-

6] "I know you've probs been lied to lately. But you're really not cute."

-

7] "He obvi picked bad pics on purpose, you Italian booger."

-

8] "I'm like Siri. Except better looking, smarter, much louder, and not an AI slave to a hegemonic hell-hole that stole the name of one of the best fruits. Like ever."

-

9] "Um, excuse you. I'm not reckless. What 'bout me screams the self sacrifice type?"

-

10] "Hey. Hey! Look at me! That's it ... slow breaths. I've got you. Do you -- you're okay, slowly ... Do you remember what I told you last week? Just nod. I've got you. I've got ya. You remember this? That's my pinky. We pinky promised -- the biggest and most bindable way to lock in a promise, yeah? And you may not know this about me, but I don't make promises that I can't see through. I said you're gonna be okay. And I mean that. I'm gonna make it happen, okay? I'll -- I'm here now and I'll be there at the end. Prommy, prommy, prommy, prommy, pro -- oh, a laugh, huh? Ha. That's what I like hearing. Leave the worryin' to me, dude."

-

11] "If this human version of a mutated ingrown armpit hair follicle don't get up off my face in the next 10, 9, 8, 7, …."

-

12] “Ow! Fudging snowcaps! That bitch hur –” They stopped mid-yelling but simply began complaining underneath their breath.

-

13] "I'm --," Kendis gestured sharply with their right hand as if orchestrating their feelings or encouraging Morgan to jump in. Not that they gave her much of a chance when they quickly added, "You know."

"You're?" Morgan smirked, "You know? I don't think I do."

"Yes. You do."

"Nah, nothing's ringing a bell."

"Well, that's probably all the brain damage you got from the last fight."

"Right. I remember that. The fight where I got stabbed instead of you."

Kendis' nostrils flare and their jaw clenches so tightly Morgan almost feels a sympathy twinge in her own teeth.

-

14]

“Then why won’t you tell me you love me? Maybe a little reward so I can be brave?”

“‘Cause a face full of kisses wasn’t enough? Wow.”

“Sure,  it was nice but this is a big deal. I think I deserve a bigger reward.”

“Aren’t rewards for after you actually do the stuff?”

“You’re right. How about you say ‘I love you’ just because you do!”

“You look cute when you pout an’ you’re gonna be late.”

“Please, Kendis? We’ve been dating for a while now and … That is – Unless – You don’t.”

“I don’t what?”

“You know you are always avoiding it, saying how you feel about me, and you’ve never come close to saying the words .. and sometimes I’ve wondered … I’ve been very patient the last several months –”

“Then keep on with that.”

“Okay. Okay. Kendis. Do you love me?”

“Can we talk about this later? This ain’t as black an’ white as you’re making it look like.”

“But it is.  It is a very black and white question with a very black and white answer. Do you love me?”

“Austyn. Austyn? Stop that! What’re you doin’?  Don’t. You’re – fuckin’ –”

“These are the notes I wrote you. Look at them. Look how far they reach on your floor. Look!”

“No”

“You never even wrote it back. I kept saying it and writing it and you never gave anything back … B-because … because you don’t.”

“I never gave – We’re not doin’ this right now. Again. Why’re you doin’ this right now? We don’t even have the time to really get into -”

“What is there to get into?  It’s yes or no,  Kendis! If you say that, then it will be all settled.”

“Maybe stop cuttin’ me off an’ let me speak.”

“You cut me off first! And don’t you start raising your voice at me!”

“You started that shit first, yourself! What is with you?”

“Why are you acting like I am overreacting? I’m not! It isn’t wrong to want to know whether or not my best friend is in love with me. It isn’t wrong to know if you really see a future with us together or if you’ve been just tagging along because I’m one of the very few other out girls in school.”

“You called me your best friend.”

“What?” 

“You should know how I feel. You say I don’t give you nothin’ back but that’s a damn lie an’ you know it.”

“Then why don’t you say it? I say it all the time!”

“But are you really meanin’ it?”

“Uh - Wha – EXCUSE ME!?!!” 

“Are you? How can I say those words to someone that's not a sure thing? You talk a lot about a future that ain’t here but what you really got to say for the now.”

“Wow. Asshole.” 

“Takes one.”

“Fine. Don’t love me. I think it’s best if we take some space right now and reconsider our priorities.”

“Austyn. I didn’t mean – Austyn this is silly.”’

“Is it?”

“Why're we even doin’ this right now? What about the formal?” 

“Don’t call me unless I call you.”

“Austyn!”

“Don’t.”

“You know what? Fuck you.”

“Apparently not even in the next few months, asshole.”

-

15]

Kendis narrowed her eyes but forced herself to take a deep breath, “You. Bumped into. Me!” Honestly, that was a generous and kind assessment. If Kendis had been human, she doubted she would’ve been able to stand with only a headache and a bad mood to show for it.

“Yeah, because you slowed down when you weren’t supposed to! I was keeping pace with you, speeding by the way, and then allva sudden –”

“I know you’re not blaming me for any of this, let alone your speeding, you Stranger Things reject.”

“Excuse me?”

Kendis felt that anger again – no, they could almost taste it. It was just wafting off the air from the shifter in front of them. It was churning up their stomach like sick, this anger that wasn’t their rage.

It was restless, like her’s was, but was also too hard, too cold.

Not right, not right. The warning blared in Kendis’ gut. Something was off and they needed to leave.

“Don’t!” They warned when the person reached out to grab at them, clearly making Kendis ready to skedaddle. The sharp yell struck out like a roll of thunder, loud and final enough to make this person hesitate, before Kendis’ voice dropped into a growl, “Don’t. Touch. Me.” [x]

DALLAS LIU SEES YOUR TIKTOK THIRST-TRAP EDITS OF HIM

Dallas Liu may be playing the Zuko in Netflix’s live-action adaptation of Avatar: The Last Airbender, but you won’t catch him with the Fire Nation prince’s restrictive, gravity-defying ponytail in real life. 

“I would never, ever out of my own personal choice rock the ponytail. It’s a haircut that not even cosplayers are willing to take on,” he tells NYLON. “I can gladly say that I would not recommend it to anyone.” But the 22-year-old actor does admit to what fans of the original animated series have known since the show debuted back in 2015: “The ponytail does look super badass on screen.”

Liu says he knew the challenge of bringing such a beloved character to life, but not only did he grow up watching the animated series and loving the Fire Nation prince for his fierce loyalty, but the show inspired him to start practicing martial arts. Ahead, Liu takes on the NYLON 19, revealing his thoughts on ghosts (or “spirits,” as he prefers to call them), TikTok thirst-trap edits of himself, and more.

1. WHAT’S YOUR ASTROLOGICAL SIGN (AND DO YOU BELIEVE IN IT)?

I am a Leo! Unfortunately, I don’t believe in it because of my experience meeting people with the same birthday, but us being different personality-wise.

2. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS (AND HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ONE)?

Yes, most definitely. Although I think the word “spirits” would be a better way to define it. I’ve never seen one — thank God — but I have felt uneasy in very old hotels or rooms that have a very long history.

3. WHO WOULD BE THE THREE HEADLINERS OF THE MUSIC FESTIVAL OF YOUR DREAMS?

Dominic Fike, Beach House, and Sade.

4. WHAT'S A BAD HABIT OF YOURS THAT YOU'VE BEEN MEANING TO FIX?

Honestly, I’m so bad at parking my car. Not that I’m bad at driving, but when it comes to parallel parking or even in a parking lot, I don’t put much thought into it.

5. WHAT WAS THE LAST INTERNET RABBIT HOLE YOU WENT DOWN?

I spend too many nights doom-scrolling on Instagram or TikTok, but it was probably a compilation of Avatar: The Last Airbender lore.

6. DESCRIBE YOUR WORST DATE IN THREE WORDS OR PHRASES.

Short, McDonald’s, Black Ice Car Freshener

7. WHAT WAS THE LAST DM YOU RECEIVED?

My friend sent me a TikTok thirst-trap edit of myself this morning which was interesting.

8. IF YOU COULD BE IN ANY MUSIC VIDEO, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

I would have to say either the music video for Bow Wow’s “Let Me Hold You” or Chris Brown’s “Yo (Excuse Me Miss)” just because the music videos in the ‘00s were just built differently.

9. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CONCERT, AND WHAT ARE YOUR MEMORIES OF IT?

Daniel Caesar performing in LA for his Case Study 01: Tour. It was my first one, so I remember everything about it. At the time, he was taking the music industry by storm and I was a major fan, so that concert was everything to me. I also was introduced to how much of a different experience listening to live music is.

10. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE AS A KID?

The Polar Express.

11. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE MEME/INTERNET JOKE AND WHY?

The personality that comes with wearing a fedora. It’s always funny to me and forever will be. Maybe one day I’d get to play a character that wears a fedora. Maybe Zuko.

12. WHAT'S YOUR GO-TO BREAKUP SONG?

“I Gotta Find Peace of Mind” by Lauryn Hill.

13. WHAT IS ONE THING EVERYONE SHOULD BUY THAT IS UNDER $10?

A sweet latte with oat milk from Blue Bottle. A must. Just try it. It’s so good. I could live off of it.

14. WHAT PIECE OF CLOTHING FROM HIGH SCHOOL DO YOU WISH YOU KEPT?

My vintage Green Day shirt. It had the perfect shade of a faded black and the fit of it was immaculate.

15. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PAIR OF SHOES THAT YOU OWN, AND WHY?

Military boots because they look the coolest.

16. WHAT IS YOUR GO-TO SAD SONG?

Anything by Elliott Smith or Duster.

17. WHAT REALITY SHOW WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO APPEAR ON?

Love Island UK.

18. WHAT IS YOUR BEST BEAUTY TIP OR TRICK?

Korean skincare products.

19. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FAST-FOOD PLACE, AND WHAT’S YOUR ORDER?

Wingstop: four lemon pepper classic and four original hot classic, all flats. Lemon pepper seasoned fries cooked well done. A side of ranch and bleu cheese. Root beer.

20 Questions For Writers

I got tagged by @thot-son-of-odin for this!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

412 (plus some Anonymous works that aren’t counted in that number)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

777,634

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Doctor Who (old and new), various Star Treks, the MCU, and a few others including Elementary and M*A*S*H.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

1. Trust the Devil

2. Four Times the Doctor and Clara Shared a Bed and One Time They Didn't

3. Locks And Revelations

4. Responsibility

5. How To Walk On Eggshells

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I didn’t used to but I try to now. It took me a while to get past “if I thank them for the kind words that means I agree and they can call me big-headed!” but now I think perhaps the commenter and I will become friends, as though this was still the LJ days or whatever.

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I am answering these together to say that with 412 works it’s rly hard to come up with an answer because I’m bound to forget something that’s either angstier or happier than the one I pick D:

8. Do you get hate on your fic?

No, despite writing occasionally Problematic stuff. Maybe I’m just lucky with that? I think on AO3 the worst I’ve ever got is a comment or two on Ten/Reinette fic about how it is a TERRIBLE pairing and how dare anyone write it. I think I deleted those, or if I haven’t then I meant to, because fuck it they’re properly tagged so the enraged anons must have deliberately chosen something that would offend them.

This sort of thing is why I still have an automatic flinch reaction when people tell me they like Rose Tyler.

9. Do you write smut?

Of course not! I write very thoughtful and insightful character studies in which the characters being studied fuck, that’s COMPLETELY different!

10. Do you write crossovers?

Not often, I’m more into the idea of crossovers than actually writing (or reading) them.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don’t think so.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yeah, a few times.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Yes but not for years.

14. What‘s your all-time favourite ship?

I’m going to say Doctor/TARDIS because that’s a safe answer to such questions.

15. What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Never say never – I’ve had ideas that did finally get written a decade later.

16. What’s your writing strengths?

I think it’s dialogue, which is also usually the easiest part to write. (I am a bit of a Fic Snob about how characters should sound like themselves in fic, including in AU fics where is even more important and also if they go OOC in those then that should be the point that’s being made.)

17. What’s your writing weaknesses?

The bits that aren’t dialogue. Urgh, why must things need to be described! Why must I tell the reader who is speaking!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Well I usually see it in the context of “a phrase or word in the language we assume the characters are actually speaking” (mostly pet-names, for some reason) and that just makes me go “So what language are they speaking in the rest of this story? In the rest of this sentence, even?” Not a fan of this, nah.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Star Wars! :O

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

I dunno, there’s too many of them (same problem as before).

I tag anyone what wants to do this meme!

-RULES, REGULATIONS, & RANDOMNESS-

Welcome to my blog! Peek under the cut for more information. Yes, it’s required reading.

RULES

This blog, while 18+ due to all themes associated with the Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss franchise, is completely NSFW-free. I am willing to write threads that mention NSFW topics in detail, but I will not roleplay the act itself.

I am not selective at all! My only rules about who I interact with are that they cannot be minors (less than 18 years old) and that they need to give me something to work with in threads. You can write as many paragraphs as you want, but if you don’t give me something substantial to keep writing with, I cannot continue writing with you.

I would prefer if personals did not interact unless they have a roleplay sideblog, state that clearly in their blog description/pinned post, and (if they have multiple sideblogs) specify which they are intending to roleplay with. Personals are completely free to follow, however!

My memes and open starters are open to everyone, even if we haven’t interacted yet or we already have a thread! I prefer to start threads with memes, though, so please specify if you would like me to write a drabble instead.

I am on mobile and therefore cannot trim posts. If this is a problem, then I apologize, but I cannot do anything to fix that fact unless my partner is not on mobile.

This is a sideblog! Follows and follow-backs will come from @kottonkandykiller. I do have multiple roleplay sideblogs, so feel free to choose which one you would like to interact with. All asks will be on anon and I will tag my sideblog in the ask.

I’m a busy person, but rest assured, I’ve seen your reply/ask. You can absolutely nag me for replies! Sometimes I forget, sometimes I don’t have the energy, but you aren’t being annoying if you send me a reminder. In fact, please do!

I am most active on Saturdays and in the evenings on weekdays. I’m on Pacific Standard Time, and typically sleep at 9 pm and wake up at 10 am (on weekends). I get home from work anytime from 4 to 6 pm on weekdays.

I currently tag whatever I think would be triggering as topic tw, but I can tag anything that anyone messages me to tag or have in their rules that they want tagged. I have no squicks/triggers myself, but I may add to this list later on.

The muse is not equal to the mod! In Nikki’s case, his moods tend to fluctuate with mine more than my other characters, and in Zephyr’s case, their gender is affected by whatever gender I most associate with at the moment, but nothing else.

These rules may be updated later on, but for now, this’ll be it.

MUSE BIO

NAME: Nikki “Neeks” Knockout

GENDER: male

PRONOUNS: he/they

SPECIES: imp/succubus hybrid

SEXUALITY: bisexual (male lean)

OCCUPATION: freelance stripper/mercenary for hire

RESIDENCE: Pentagram City

PERSONALITY: talkative, oblivious, caring, happy-go-lucky, & sensitive.

BACKSTORY: At 13 years old, a Hellhound murdered his parents in front of him. That same Hellhound blinded him in his right eye, broke his left horn off, and scarred him all over his body. He spent a year in the hospital, having his wounds treated, learning to see with only one eye, and adjusting to having only one horn. For 3 years after that, he bounced around from orphanage to orphanage before escaping a year before becoming an adult. He tattooed the left side of his face, replaced his left horn with a prosthetic, and dyed half of his hair black. He made a name for himself as a freelance pole dancer and taught himself to use several different weapons. After surviving for several years comfortably, his luck ran out during the Extermination of 2023. He was blinded in his other eye during the process of protecting another demon from an Exorcist, and while he did manage to kill the Exorcist, he is now homeless and struggling with his new predicament.

TAG LIST

nikki knockout’s daily dose [lethality and lust]

try these ones on for size [rp memes]

get a load of this [dash commentary]

the real star of the show [mod hunter speaks]

the real star of the show [mod hunter’s art]

i’m sexy and i know it [headcanon]

this is what i look like when the lights are broken [drabble]

this a trivia game? [askbox]

come one come all [open starter]

i’ll play along for the hell of it [dash games]

it’s goin’ down for real [promo]

you’re just like my favorite song going ‘round and ‘round my head [nikki & raven]

what i gotta do to find a sub who down to choke me [nikki & north]

i can tell you’re shy and i think you’re so sweet [nikki & frosty]

a little death [nikki & angel dust]

Just posted one rant gonna post another that doesn’t even fucking matter but this has stayed with me since 2016 and it still pisses me off especially given Noah Schnapp coming out earlier this year…

I remember when Stranger Things first came out in ye olden days of 2016 a pretty sizable portion of the fandom was already married to the idea that Will was gay (and like, obviously, it was implied from the very beginning and now we have actual confirmation), and although he had less of an active fan base given his admittedly small role acting wise (even though the entire season/show revolves around him) people who latched on latched on hard. Anyways, all this is to say that Noah saw this online and made an instagram post saying he didn’t know why people had to make Will gay and couldn’t he just be a sensitive kid and yadda yadda, yadda… now I have my own thoughts about how a 10 almost 11 year old was given an incredibly large platform from a young age and how that was probably incredibly scary and maybe we shouldn’t force kids to be spokespersons even if it is about their own character, but the thing that was insane to me is that people were getting genuinely pissed at him. Like, it’s unfortunate but you can’t really expect an 11 year old to be comfortable with most romantic stuff (does anyone remember the jimmy fallon or whatever episode where Millie Bobby brown described how after kissing Finn Wolfhard she got up and yelled “kissing sucks!” Or whatever), let alone speculation about sexuality even if it’s their character. It’s not like he was mean about it anything either, but he was, again, literally 10 years old when season 1 started filming.

I remember in particular this one tumblr user who has since deactivated I’m pretty sure essentially berate him on their blog for not being open-minded enough, and at the time they had their age as 20 in their bio! I know that Noah came out with a somewhat jokey video but he also did say in it that had been scared to come out for years, and I can’t help but wonder if shit like that, not the headcanons or theories ofc, but the confronting him or at least posting about him in a mean tone, made him more scared to come out. And this is just one example of adult fans being awful to the ST kids when they were younger. Finn Wolfhard was sexualized for years by adults before he turned 18, which he was open about being uncomfortable with. I was 14 when the show first came out and I fucking remember that people had to make memes/put on their blog that they don’t sexualize the cast because it was such a prevalent issue. God. I miss the feeling of the first two seasons but I do not at all miss the way the fandom used to be.

20 questions writer meme.

Thank you @bbcphile for the tag :) 

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

112 (A few are art rather than fic - but over 100 of them are fics) 

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

953,545 (17 years and getting close to the 1 million words mark)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently Mysterious Lotus Casebook and MDZS. Previously Torchwood, Doctor Who, Primeval, Being Human, Rivers of London, Shetland, (these are ones with 2+ there are others with just 1 fic)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Futures Written on Shifting Sand   My only fic to pass 4 digit kudos at 2134 kudos. Unfinished wip, that I might still go back to.   My first MDZS fic, Canon divergent AU where Lan Wangji is brought back to Lotus Pier after the Xuanwu cave incident and is there for the Wen attack. 

Time Enough and Life 486 kudos. A Torchwood bigbang fic for one of the big bangs that I ran back on Livejournal. 

Writing up the report on the Night Travellers, Jack finds one line in the Electro guide book that confuses him – it closed in 1977. It leaves him with one question, how did Ianto watch films there if it closed six years before he was born?

As Spring Will Surely Come

MDZS. Written for the Bottomji big bang early this year, 464 kudos. 

Now in their forth year of marriage Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian are settled into their life together in the Cloud Recesses, looking forward to a quiet, cozy winter together in the Jingshi. A night hunt at a haunted water mill, old injuries and family illness make it a very difficult winter instead.

Going On 351 kudos. One my earliest fics, written and posted while the first series of Torchwood was still airing. 

Conversations, realisations and angst set after Countrycide. 

Secrets and Hope 339 Kudos. Fix it fic written in the wake of Torchwood series 3. 

As Torchwood slowly rebuilds following the 456 the government is still keeping secrets from them and it's up to Ianto to reveal the truth.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to/mean to then it goes past a few days and I wonder if people really want a reply from me. Then it feels like it’s too long, that I’ve missed the timeframe for it to be reasonable. 

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably In Darkness one of the many Torchwood fics that I wrote.

The ending lines being:

Because if living forever is a terrifying thought, then living forever and losing himself in the process is beyond terrifying. It's something that Jack isn't sure there's a word to describe the sheer horror of it.

Huddling against Ianto, Jack supposes that at least he's got all the time in the universe to come up with one.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Maybe New Horizons Canon Divergent SongXiao in the CQL setting (I tend to write novel setting) 

The decision to help a small village threatened by a vicious yaoguai brings with it danger and upsetting news that Xiao Xingchen never expected to receive. With the news comes a choice, one that will change the course of both Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan’s lives in ways that neither of them expect.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No, the occasional annoying/odd comment - like asking me to use US spelling grammar or to re-write in past tense as they didn’t like present tense, or leaving a ‘sadly unfinished’ bookmark in a completed big bang fic

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes, not so much in recent fandoms - but I have ideas, but Torchwood and Primeval it was a bigger part of it. Most of it had a strong kink element. Generally with the focus being on trust

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Occasionally.  The most ridiculous has to be Hex, Mainframe and the Temporal Trouser Error.

Discworld, Torchwood and Primeval. A conversation across time and space between Hex and Mainframe, two sentient computers.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I’m aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not that I’m aware of, that is to say if anyone had they’ve not told me.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, as part of a fic writing challenge event, Out of Dark Places, written with Harkpad.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Honestly I have many ships in every fandom I’ve been in. Although Jack/Ianto will always hold as special place, because it was that ship that really brought me into fandom circles. 

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Probably the ridiculously ambitious alternative 4 season of Torchwood, which used my fic Secrets and Hope as a bridge between series 3 and hypothetical series 4.

13 fic ‘episodes’ which were a mix of creature of the week and had an overarching plot behind it all, using the Rift and Bilis Manger. It was all plotted out, and some ‘episodes’ partially written - but the whole thing would have been something like 300k-400k

16. What are your writing strengths?

Honestly, I don’t know. People have said that I’m good at getting inside characters’ heads. 

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Too many thoughts and description and not enough action, probably.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I can’t write well enough in another language to attempt it. 

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Highlander: The TV series. That was never posted online/shared. The first to be posted/shared was Torchwood.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

That’s a difficult one, there are so many over the years - it’s been 17 years I posted by first fic online 

Maybe  Northern Lights

An unlikely case fic crossover between Shetland and Rivers of London, written with fondness for the times I spent working on an archaeological dig in Shetland 23 years ago. 

The theft of three Pictish stone carvings from a museum in London lead Peter and Nightingale to Shetland. The reason for the theft is clear: The stones are ancient storage devices for magical energy. Who took them and why is a lot less so. That Shetland has its own mythology and magics which are far closer to that of Scandinavia than London doesn't help matters.

Between the lack of information, the cold and wet January weather and Nightingale's cold, Peter can't help but wish they were back in London.

I always feel like imposing on people somehow by tagging them in things, so don’t feel like you have to do this, I do tag you @heyholmesletsgo @hils79 @galadriel1010 and anyone else who wants to do it

Tagged by @starstruckpurpledragon for the 15 Mutuals, 15 Questions meme

1. Are you named after anyone? 

Nope. I don’t think anyone in my family was. 

2. When was the last time you cried? 

If weeping counts... Yesterday? Big cryings were all at the end of last year. When Loch passed away I was crying a lot. Can’t remember how many days though. 

3. Do you have kids? 

Nope. My step sister has a son. I’m avoiding them for now. Crying babies isn’t a thing I can handle with grace. 

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot? 

It depends? I use it a lot with my close friends. And family. Not at work. They just don’t get it. So it’s easier to keep my mouth shut. 

5. What sports do you play/have you played? 

I’m not a sports person. I love playing badminton and I think I was not bad at it. I sadly didn’t play for ages. Too little time, too many things to do. And I’m not sure my back and knees can handle playing any active game. 

6. What’s the first thing you notice about people? 

Tone of the voice. This is about irl meetings, right? 

7. What’s your eye color? 

Blue-ish grey or grey-ish blue.

8. Scary movies or happy endings? 

Happy endings. (I spent a bit too much time writing and deleting here xD) 

9. Any special talents? 

Hmmmm, I can miss whatever everyone and their pets knows about? If something isn’t in my zone of interest… It’s safe to assume I know nothing about it. On the other hand my zone of interest is wide and strange af xD

10. Where were you born? 

In moscow. I was once told which hospital but I never cared enough to remember. 

11. What are your hobbies? 

Hmmm, I knit scarfs. Yep. Scarves only. I do it to relax and trying to work with schematics is not relaxing for me. So scarves. I draw when I feel inspired or have the IDEA. The ‘you can’t get this shit out of your head until you try to do something with it’ idea. Eating your mind and all your ability to focus idea. I wrote down some of the brain eating ideas I had too. I collect stuff. Like I have a collection of cinema (train, theater etc) tickets. And yes, in-app tickets are useful and amazing and all that… but I miss my paper tickets so much 😭 You can think of my book-buying as collecting too I guess. It’s hard for me to read books on a reader or smartphone. I do prefer to buy paper books. And comics. And manga.     

12. Do you have pets? 

I have two cats. Lenny is an adorable two years old. Loves playing fetch xD Meloch' is loud, annoying, 10+ yo and I love her dearly. 

13. How tall are you? 

165 cm (it’s 5'5" I think?)

14. Favorite subject in school? 

History and computer science. 

15. Dream job? 

When I was a kid I dreamed about being a veterinarian. And after I got my first job… I’ll be honest here. My dream job now is to sit on my butt reading stuff (watching stuff, playing stuff) and to have no need to work. I have zero inner need to participate in social life of my county. Talking to strangers makes me anxious. I stress a lot in a new company. I can’t speak on job interviews. I’m terrible at communication. Jeez, I dropped out of college cause I was too stressed about the exams. (And well teacher as a career was the worse choice I've made. Do not let your parents bully you into 'just get your diploma there and do whatever later' kids) I just couldn’t handle them. And my current job… My mom got me there temporarily. And I was around since I was a teen and people knew me and I had known them… So I’m quite happy to be left alone or with my friends. But I need money to buy food and pay bills so seating at home isn’t a possibility until retirement (the road is so far).   Tagging @luna-shimizu, @simpledontmeanpeachy, @eaion, @mommalosthermind, @thefancydragonqueen, @kateera, @thing2dani, @hardwiredweird, @hautecoldture, @holycafe, @lotusvalkyrie, @ruti2, @artsyape, @superalondrauniverse, @ptatas77

🥰💞 I was tagged by the awesome and super gorgeous @angelsleaze

1. Are you named after anyone?

I wasn’t named after anyone. My name is pretty unique (I’m pretty sure my parents were on drugs lol)

2. Last time you cried?

Yesterday when I saw a post from @mister-s0013 about a 4 year old dying after an exorcism so I googled it and found way too many cases of this happening. Children are my soft spot.

3. Do you have/want kids?

I am a proud boy mom 💙💙💙 I wanted a little girl so badly, but after having nieces, I am so thankful that I didn’t have a daughter. I think they come out of the womb with an attitude lol

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Me sarcastic??? NEVER lol

5. What's the first thing you notice about people?

Their sense of humor (if they have a dark sense of humor and/or love memes, they are automatically my bestie) Also, one of the first things I notice is how their mind works. I am drawn to people who are brutally honest like me (don’t just tell me what I want to hear) and who are passionate about certain things but not judgmental and like to discuss different subjects even if we don’t agree on them because I learn a lot from listening to different perspectives on subjects. (I’m a huge nerd and love learning)

6. What's your eye color?

My eyes are hazel. They are usually more green, but it depends on what I’m wearing, and they can get really blue when I cry.

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

I like both. It really just depends on my mood. I love being scared, but not when I’m all by myself. I love movies with twists. I get bored with predictability (probably because I’m so random and impulsive lol)

8. Special talents?

NSFW answer 😈😈😈

SFW answer 😇😇😇 I think I’m pretty good at coming up with ideas and designing the shirts and tumblers that I make. I like my things to be unique, so I can’t bring myself to buy premade designs on Etsy (even though it would cut the time of making things in half 🤦🏼‍♀️)

9. Where were you born?

In the hospital.

10. What are your hobbies?

COLORING 💓💓💓 Collecting stuffies, Designing and making shirts, tumblers, paddles, keychains, etc… Listening to music, Reading, Watching Disney movies and anything that has to do with GLITTER ✨

11. Have any pets?

I have the sweetest doggy in the whole wide world named Luna.

12. What sports do you play or have you played?

I was a cheerleader 😬

13. How tall are you?

I am 5’6”

14. Favorite subject in school?

My favorite subject in highschool was Bible (I went to a Christian school, not by choice. I begged my mom to let me go to public school and she refused 🙄🙄🙄) because I loved aggravating my Bible teacher by asking a million random questions that would distract him from his boring lectures. (ie… Is it a sin to have oral sex before I’m married? Is it a sin to take shrooms that we find growing naturally in the cow pasture? etc.) And if his answer was yes, I always asked for an explanation as to why. He would always divert from his planned lecture and answer my questions (the class was very appreciative lol)

15. Dream job?

I actually do what I love now… designing and making things. Although, it would be nice to get paid just to sit around and color with glitter pens all day lol. Due to getting pregnant as a teenager (Thanks mom for refusing to discuss sex other than to say NO sex until you are married 🙄🙄🙄) I could no longer go away to college like intended to become an attorney, so I stayed in the town I lived in and got my degree in Accounting. 10/10 do NOT recommend (It is super boring and due to ADHD I can’t sit at a desk and deal with numbers all day everyday and during tax season, everybody and their momma wants you to do their taxes for free and get them back thousands of dollars 😂🤣😂) Long story short, life is too short to be stuck in a job that makes you miserable, so I am super thankful to be doing what I love❣️

Tagging these lovely folks (No pressure if you don't want to participate) @missathesiren @pure-hell2 @drinkyourmilf @dominant-dominion @thebeardiswriting @anotherboredaustralian @mister-s0013 @c4c4ine @iecholouder @nerdy-boytoy @naughtybeardedguy

For the tav backstory ask meme: 2, 6 and 16 ^^

Ahh thank you for the ask! I’m not sure which Tav to answer for so I’ll answer for Cas since she’s my main one (well, the main one in my fics).

2. Does your Tav have any siblings? Are they close?

Yes! Cas has an older brother named Vesryn. She and Vesryn are very close but their relationship is honestly a bit difficult to describe. They LOVE each other to death, but Cas harbors some (unwarranted) resentment toward Vesryn, and Vesryn can be overly protective of Cas because she’s the only family he has left. Also, with Vesryn being a legendary hero and something like Faerun’s equivalent of a global superstar, he harbors some guilt because he blames himself for Cas not being able to have a normal life and relationships. 

That being said, they’re still one anothers favorite person and they spend a lot of time together, whether it’s working, traveling, or staying at home.

6. When did you Tave learn their abilities/skills?

Cas started learning how to use a bow before she was 10 years old. Not because she really needed to, but because she wanted to follow in her big brother’s footsteps and hunt monsters with him. Versyn was largely responsible for her training. Because he always wants to protect her, he focused on skills and fighting techniques that would keep her safest, so largely ranged weaponry and stealth.

16. What’s your Tav’s favorite childhood memory?

Curled up next to Vesryn whenever he came back from a trip while she looked through his journal. He would make sketches of the places he had been and the monsters he had seen. Cas would flip through the pictures while he told her the kid-friendly version of whatever monster-hunting job he was on. Sometimes, he would bring her back a little present from his travels.

First Lines Meme

Tagged by @tiredassmage

Tagging:  @queen-scribbles @eorzeashan @shynmighty @the-sith-in-the-sky-with-diamond @reliciron annnd @chaoticspacefam  -- no pressure and apologies if you were already tagged.  If anyone wants to join in that has not been tagged, consider this an invite!

Rules: post the first sentence of your last ten fics. If you haven't written ten fics, share as many first-sentences as you have.

Ok, so I’m going to not count things I wrote for events like theme weeks, Fluffy February, or Fictober -- otherwise, this list would be done in no time at all!  This is me writing spontaneously or for other people (gifts).

10.  Theron Shan watched the Grand Master’s back as she departed from their morning caf meeting. (The Taste of Ashes aka the Ziost fic, current work)

9.  Lana Beniko stalked through the path in the jungle, hacked by the crew of Virtue’s Thief.  (The Planter of Trees and Other Tales from Yavin 4 aka the Yavin fic, which is, in my defense, shorter than Les Miserables.)

8.  …it was time to move on. He’d reached that decision less than a week before Life Day rolled around at Odessen.   (Time to Move On, a gift fic for @thelealinhypehouse )

7.  Carth Onasi may not have been able to use the Force, but he sure was able to resist any suggestion better than most sentients that Triya Dolyani had ever encountered. (That Guy, a KOTOR gift fic for @alyssalenko)

6.  Theron stared around the apartment.   (The Death of Potential//The Potential of Death, a diptych thingy I did as a two-shot)

5.  The silence in the room was never-ending.   (Maybe, the angsty medical crisis one that ends happily with Baby!Shan news)

4.  “In or out, Greydon, what’s it gonna be?”  The lady called Risha demanded a response from him, the dealer’s deck in her hand. (The Balance Sheet, a gift fic for @empire-at-war)

3.  The longest day of the year arrived.   (The Grand Reveal, aka the Rishi fic)

2.  “How can you forget you have an entire hold?” Theron asked, staring down into the darkness. (An Old Love Story, one of like 5 fics about Hylo/Gault -- I’m proud of it, even though it doesn’t get a lot of attention. Technically, yes, it was from Fluffy Feb, but it was so different from everything else I’d written, it stands alone)

1.  “What do you want for Life Day?” (The Second First Life Day, Theron and Eva’s first Life Day on Odessen)

itogi nedeli s a little bit more--ahhh there is a colloquialism po-russki, na końcu języka, it is like, a dollop, a dash, you use it when saying how old someone is, nemnozhko, also eshche chut’-chut’, like ei 20 s [slovom], so dobavkoi, no malen’koi, malyuuuusenk’oi dobavkoi, you know what i am trying to remember? i have had so many absence seizures from stress and sleep deprivation. anyway itogi nedeli. 

- rugal died

- parents decided absolutely to get divorced, stepdad is...apparently getting medically assisted suicide because he can’t tolerate Being Disabled & he has no friends or family besides my mother

- phone partially broke and i can’t get internet there & am only intermittently getting texts, not getting calls at all 

- parents are unvaccinated on principle, won’t wear masks on principle, have been very generously, however, running errands all over chicago, comma, however, the 3rd largest metro area, comma, for me, since i am disabled & immunocompromised!

- unfortunately, as you probably already know

- per test i just took. They Gave Me Covid

- have been [indescribable] since the 28th

- have not checked emails or texts or anything since then 

- behind on 990385349058 deadlines, need to send 43985903485 Apology Tour emails

- ok

- obv posting from desktop since phone is on the fritz so if you rb this i will eat your liver with some fava beans and a big amarone

- “blassberg mowi, ze jestem przesadna i talmudyczna” ale. there’s a precedent here

- at this point i fully believe gd will kill me between sunset on oct 4th and sunrise on oct 5th

- just chugged a bang energy & a baziillion anti-inflammatories & paid a bunch of bills & am trying to catch up on work & respond to my over one thousand (!!!) emails

- can’t voice my true thoughts because gd will hear them & enact them on earth 

- all three of my parents seem to have been diagnosed with Problems Disorders of the personality and i was like. yes i am fully aware that nothing but the fully concentrated energies of a middle class OCPD person & a working class paranoid PD person & an also working class guy with clinically assessed narcissism who was also on the autism spectrum, all of whom were variously abused as kids in different ways, each in keeping with their socioeconomic + cultural + immigration backgrounds, produced. Me, a person recently described as “whenever i see that whoopi goldberg ‘i don’t want somebody in my house’ meme i think of you” & whose repeatedly diagnosed anxiety disorders go away the second i stop having to live with, work with, or be around other human beings, & who, at their age 6 neuropsych assessment, was flagged like those feral kids locked in closets because i spent the formative years of my life either 1) entirely alone, “entertaining myself” with my own imagination/personal language; 2) being socially ostracized as a weirdo; 3) being screamed at or punished or hit or threatened or taken to authority figures for “suspicious conduct”; 5) learning to Keep It (myself, my inner Seele; etc.) Secret & Keep It Safe, not be observed in order to not be corrected, not be punished, not be “caught doing what i’m not meant to be doing,” doing a task Wrong, doing it in the Wrong timeframe, being surveilled & monitored, leaning when i could be cleaning, keeping my space & my interests & everything else hidden because they were put in the trash & used to yell at me for not doing what i was supposed to & used to berate me for being stupid & useless & slovenly & disgusting! my dad was a compulsive liar because his mother was an evangelical christian who searched his room whenever he left the house & beat him bloody if she found anything she deemed sinful or even, frankly, indicative of Bad Character or Bad Personality. we had a limited and estranged relationship but i did, admittedly, lose it a little reading all those reports from his small-town illinois newspaper: from ages ~10 or 11-15 or 16 he routinely got physically assaulted so badly by his peers that he was taken to the ER and bystanders called the cops. like groups of preteen & teen boys hated him so much they’d just beat the shit out of him till he needed emergency intervention & someone deigned to intervene. he was huge, also, & although clumsy, could defend himself in a pinch against a single attacker, so it had to be like, a swarm. if i knew i was adopted and my parents hated me and my whole town hated me & i got beaten up about it every day of my life so bad it gave me brain damage i’d end up like my dad too! probably less arrogant, cannot imagine having such a high opinion of myself, or reflexively thinking so poorly of everyone else, or dismissing anyone i come into contact with as like, not...possessed of three-dimensional human subjectivity & a rich inner life, which ALL of my parents seem to have in common. it’s infuriating. their isolation makes them think everyone else is a brainwashed moron out to get them, with whom they couldn’t possibly have anything in common, even solidarity or sympathy. it’s a reactionary response to “you know, harriet, there are some very pleasant nazis” (without tone markers) attitude that many of their milquetoast liberal neighbors adopt but the aggressive cynicism of “our countrymen are morons, you can’t reason with Sheep [editorial note: you CAN actually reason with sheep, however, you shouldn’t keep them in pastures with slatted fences or they’ll get stuck. access needs. sheep are lovely & contrary to stereotype quite intelligent. they are also ungulates & behave like ungulates). my mom is freaked out by lying because dad leveraged his ability to lie against her. that was a Him Problem. i got cagey & avoidant & lied because she & stepdad did the same thing to me & would not permit me any privacy either, stepdad because he was paranoid, mom because she is a control freak. i finally got them to see a little bit of the connection, i think? like, again, a 7th grader is not abusing you by lying, you are in fact abusing them by going through their closet, throwing out all their carefully hidden shit, then cutting them off from the outside world because they accessed gay media against your explicit wishes and lied about it. that cagey defensive compulsive lying at such a young age about all aspects of one’s life and personal identity is defensive thing. in 5th-6th grade i was writing my diary not only in a coded alphabet but in a russian-english-hebrew conlang with klingon, vulcan, and celtic-language features, not from unjustified paranoia, but because i knew it would be read & i took prophylactic, offensive steps to make it indecipherable. i knew this because they read my sister’s diaries & went through HER drawers. even when they visited this time i kept my journals & the one (1) empty wine bottle in the house on me 24/7 because they think i’m teetotal & i know they’d go through all my things. anyway my mom is being a lot nicer to me now that she’s getting divorced, so 

first-lines-of-fic meme! I was tagged by @reginaldbright (thank you!)

Rules: share the first lines of ten of your most recent fanfics and tag ten people. If you have written fewer than ten, don’t be shy and share anyway!

Starting with the most recent and working backward:

Knowing He Hath Wings, For All Mankind, 2k

“Fido?” calls Margo, through the headset. Deke’s stomach tightens, the way it always does during the final go/no go roll call. Tiril’s claws dig slightly into his shoulder, and there’s the old familiar rustling in his ear as she resettles her feathers. They’re good at hiding any visible signs of nervousness. Still, someone with a lot of practice reading a hawk daemon might be able to see in Tiril what Deke is keeping out of his own face.

2. Yes, We Were Trembling, For All Mankind, 1.5k

“All right, pipe down,” Molly says as she walks into the astronaut training room, the way she always does. She plays it informal, like she’s too cool for the rules, but she’s a hardass underneath.

3. The War at Home, Sherlock, 18k (and counting)

London was grey, through the window, and it was cold in the cab. On the seat next to him, Sherlock’s phone beeped, finally. He snatched it up and thumbed in the security code John had demanded he start using after the thing with the smugglers last month.

4. Why Wait Any Longer For the World to Begin, For All Mankind, 3k

Patty’s as sharp in the cockpit as she was ten years ago, but she’s let herself get rusty at pool. Molly cleaned her clock their first couple of times at the Outpost and drank her way through the evening on Patty’s dime. But tonight, finally, the old Patty Doyle has shown up again.

5. Leave it to Memory Me, Sherlock, 2.5k

“I’m going out for a bit,” John says. “Where?” Sherlock asks softly, without meaning to.

6. Voskresenie, For All Mankind, <8k

Margo spends six days not knowing. First it’s a helicopter to Havana, then a jet to Minsk, then a pinched little train cabin to cement-block outskirts of Moscow, then the backseat of a shiny black Lada, all in the company of two of those large, silent glaring men the Soviets seem to have so many of. All throughout the jostle of travel, she wonders and frets: did Kelly Baldwin make it safely to the Phoenix?

7. Always in This Twilight, For All Mankind, 8.5k

The lobby bar at the Imperial is crammed full. Many faces, Sergei knows; there are others that are familiar in general, if not in particular. It is a game to play, every year, on the shuttle from the airport: who of these strangers in suits is also going to IAC, and who is simply a businessman or pleasure traveler.

8. Cannonball, the Witcher, 4k

“No,” says Calanthe, without turning around.

9. Unmade, the Witcher, 7.5k

Yennefer retches, again, and spits into the privy. Next to her, Anica places a tentative hand on her back, then quickly withdraws it when Yennefer shivers. “What are you going to do?” she asks, half-whispering.

10. In the Symphony of Disagreement, Hacks, 2k

“So what is it with you and antiques?” Ava asks, from her perch on what she always calls the loose butthole couch. She’s playing idly with her empty soda glass, and watching Deborah intently. She’s been doing more of that lately.

tagging @fireandsoup, @laiqualaurelote, @persiflager, @nakedmonkey, @thronealigned, @merripestin, @lavinia-pfigg, @peachpulpeuse, @ossacordis and @thatworldinverted.