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little-meowyao · 4 months

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SALT SALT SALT (long post)

EXHAUSTED SIGH, what is this doing in my dash again.

The first betrayal of his trust, in the novel, was not something that concerned NMJ in the slightest!!! JGY killed a Jin commander! And I think he was right to do so! Even putting the abuse aside, what other chance would he have of getting recognised (that he knows of), if the man kept taking credit for his work? We as a fandom put too much blame on JGY for killing that dude. I think it was 100% warranted

Of course JGY would force NMJ to show deference to WRH! That's his job! Firstly, literally everyone but JGY has to crawl around WRH, so, while very personally targeted at NMJ (which I'm sure JGY did on purpose to appease WRH), it's just Something That Happens.

Of course JGY had to kill NMJ's men! What else could he do? He couldn't save them all, and WRH 1. Is capricious AS FUCK, and 2. would not take kindly either to insults to the Wen or to JGY himself (bc he likes JGY). Additionally, that was not a ruse!!! Not at all! While I do believe JGY holds some regret at killing WRH, it was his plan! So that LXC would like him more??? That is just fucking stupid!

Being gaslit??? Where??? If someone was gaslighting NMJ, it was LXC (FYI I don't think he was, not intentionally at least, but I would see where someone that does is coming from), not JGY! They just do not speak the same language! You know the excuses vs explanations?? Yeah! That's what was happening! JGY trying to explain himself and NMJ thinking he was making excuses!

Never does JGY deny doing anything, or try to make NMJ doubt himself, or shift blame, or literally anything that could be considered gaslighting!

"Doubting his judgement" did he? Did NMJ ever doubt his judgement? Even when he had reasons to? Or is he just so goddamn obstinate that when he sets his mind to something he will not change? HM?

NHS pulled away from NMJ because NMJ was being, you know. A fucking ass! He burned NHS's stuff! We have no reason at all to believe they were drifting away before that! It's not because JGY understands him better! Is because NMJ does not understand him at all, doesn't care to, and punishes him for doing what he likes! I'm not going into how NMJ was trying to force NHS to follow a path that would get him killed, violently, but that!!! That!!! Yeah!

He threathened to beat him and JGY together! And we have no reason to believe it was an empty threath! Burning the fans was just a threath before, too! And if you read that scene carefully, you'll see that NHS is genuinely terrified. He locks himself away for days after. I don't blame NMJ for it entirely, but at the end of his life he was getting legitimately abusive towards NHS.

NMJ can't explain JGY is evil because he is not. Because everything that JGY ever does to wrong NMJ is either necessary (the fire palace exchange), not related to him at all (the Jin commander), or completely out of his hands (the XY situation).

For every action there is a reaction. Though they do retraumatize eachother, NMJ does it more and more severely, with less justification. I can't even call them mutually abusive because NMJ is doing all the abuse, and JGY's actions are reactionary. These two should have gone separate ways after sunshot.

And sure, JGY killed him in a horrible way, but it was NMJ that made their relationship kill or get killed. NOT JGY. JGY went ahead with turmnoil after three separate murder attemps.

After the staircase scene showed him that their relationship was beyond salvation and that NMJ would never care to understand his previlege, or to ackowledge their inherent power imbalance, or to stop and listen (actually listen), or to stop and think that his authority as JGY's da-ge doesn't and won't ever override JGS's power as his father. (Especially with someone as filial as JGY is)

I love NMJ. I genuinely do. But this take is so toxic I need to pick it up with a damn hazmat suit.

And what pisses me off the most is that this post doesn't show a fundamental lack of understanding of NMJ's character! This is the way NMJ thinks! But he's an extremely biased narrator and his thoughts should not be taken at face value!

I've never interacted with this person before, but if I had to make a guess, I'd say they're very caugh up in analysing NMJ (which is valid, I love him too), but in their love for NMJ, they started taking his thought process and conclusions as fundamentally factual, which they are not. I could be wrong, but it is how this comes off.

Anyway. I'm done

#jin guangyao #feral little meowyao #nie mingjue #tragic saber man #analysis #character analysis #media analysis #meta #rolls eyes and throws salt

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s-ccaam-era-crepe · 4 months

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ooo can I hear about the bap crew?

OF COURSE <333 i loveeee talking about the bap crew thank youuuu

okay so first off general warnings for the podcasts and all my posts about it for the most part <3 there are mentions of cults, death/murder, religion (and the like) and i think thats it mostly? (as a general) but sometimes it can be a lot, take care of yourself yall <33 and the rest is under the cut there is a lot <3

with that out of the way i guess if you didn't know already lol !! they are my podcast ocs !!! i'm in the works of creating a horror <3 podcast that takes place in an amusement park with 5 main characters and a god <3

so this post here explains a lot about the main characters personalities and stuff and the tags #brickwoods and #bap on my tumblr have some other posts related to the crew <3 recently i've been doing some extra stuff for fleshing out their families who will eventually be showing up in podcast and i can do a quick over view of them here tho <3

oh and not necessarily crew related but the length of podcast <333 imma ramble about that for a sec <3 so season 1 is going to be all amusement park stuff and the last episode of that season will be a major plot point/death (sorta setting the darker/more dramatic scene for s2) s2 is also amusement park shenanigans however now that the stakes have been raised the rest of the cast is pretty scared now yk. but they have still their motivations for wanting to get out and so <3

s3 is going to be after our final girl rebecca escapes the park and tries to a) sorta solve why that happened in the first place (why them. who is the god etc etc) and b) try to give closure to the others families so yeah. plus some other plots things yk <3

and then s4 will most likely be rebecca trying to stop/take down the cult because she doesn't want something like this to happen again and the ending is in workshop <33 (aka i can't decide between like. a couple possible endings i have planned but main plot won't change despite which one i eventually choose :))

okay so back to the crew lol <33 since that other post explains a lot of basic stuff about them feel free to ask specific questions about them now that you have info about them <3 but for now family time !!!

(specific warnings for this area some bad parents mentioned)

so david <3 ae is an only child with 2 moms, they are very sweet and amazing and extremely Extremely heartbroken when david never comes home after the park and stuff. they definitely had like plans for college visits and they had a car ready for when david was going to get aer license. the two of them are going to be pretty sad to write for in s3 i think but also i love them as characters (i was posting about them like last week lol they are very cute and fun when they arent sad </3)

hmm sophia's family <3 so her dad was born into the cult when it was a bit less strict (he was 'home-schooled' by the cult but also was allowed out bc his family is a main influential family) and her mom married in. they aren't the nicest parents by a long shot, and they only respect sophia because she became the leader. sophia does have a sibling however she doesn't know about them bc their parents kept them separate in order not to 'taint' sophia's godly touch

rebecca's family doesn't have too much going on, it is also an only child and her parents have been active in her life, not as great/caring as davids parents yet not uncaring either. rebecca really just lived with them her whole life and doesn't totally feel like it connected with its parents in any important way tbh

sunni ! so sunni grew up with only his mom and his sister and after the incident with carter (wait did i tell yall that was her name yet. thats the mutual best friends name in case i Didnt say that already <3) sunni's sister Mary ended up moving out with a friend and not keeping in touch with sunni or their mom again. she also changed her last name as soon as she legally could. but yeah so sunni doesn't have a very close relationship with his mom either and he has no relationship with his sister anymore which upests him a lot but he also keeps this close to him

and blair <3 so blair has 2 brothers (twins age 10 (i think)) named ben and bruno (named by My twin siblings so) and their parents are pretty bad. blair is very protective of their younger brothers and has been trying for a while to save up enough to move all of them out but hasn't quite yet. they fight really hard in the park to try and get out because they do not want to leave their brothers with out someone else to help and be there with them.

and i think thats it for a basic run over of all their families and the characters in general a bit <3 :)) feel free to ask any questions based on this post, the last post or like. literally anything <33 they are my passion project and i love BAP sooo very much <3

#camera asks #whittingsonder #thank you SO much for the ask whit !!#also this took forever to type out i apologize </3 #anyways woo !! i love them lots <3 #also there are Probably spelling/grammar errors im so sorry lol </3 #brickwoods #bap asks #bap

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purrincess-chat · 8 months

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I think this fandom just really hates Adrienette, but I can't figure out the reason (but your theory of the fandom not taking them seriously because they're kids may be true). They write post-s5 break-up "fix it" fics, they say Adrienette should break up to restore the balance (not sure what balance they're talking about). Jeez, Adrienette is literally the cutest cartoon couple I've ever seen, and I've been rooting for them since day one. How can someone want them to break up? Why can't the fandom just be happy for them?

It's literally so baffling to me, nonny. There have been people who have been rooting against them since before they were even official in s5. And for why? For me, them getting together made sense after s4 bc, to me, s4 demonstrated why it couldn't have been LadyNoir. (Actually even as far back as s3 when we had Chat Blanc) And that's why I don't think it will be LadyNoir in the future either even if they did break up. The show has put too much emphasis on how everything goes wrong when the heroes pair up. They both get distracted and tragedy strikes. I don't forsee it being MC or Ladrien either bc MC literally agreed they can't be together, and I think that would go for Ladrien as well. And Marinette already gets enough shit from people for being a "stalker" to Adrien, and it would only get worse if they broke up, and she turned around and dated him again as Ladybug when he doesnt know it's her. I can already see the salt posts about how she's so obsessive and won't move on and how she's taking advantage of him and tricking him.

Adrinette is the side that worked, that's why they went that route. It allows the heroes to be heroes and the kids to be kids. We can still get meaningful interactions with the other sides while they are dating as civilians. I'm actually looking forward to seeing how the dynamics evolve in future seasons. I wanna see MC and Ladrien half-requited with the heroes privately swooning over their bf/gf personally. We got a little bit of it in s5 with Chat swooning over Marinette when she was being a boss bitch. I want that in Ladrien, please.

I don't know why people hate Adrinette being together so much. I don't know where people get the idea that it's boring or problematic or detrimental to their characters or whatever fucking complaint they have against it. The Adrinette we got in s5 was great and so meaningful, and I'm happy that they did what they did. They could have just stuck them together in s5 and been like okay all of their problems are solved, and they're totally perfect and in love, but that's not what happened. They weren't perfect. They had to work together to make it work. They both recognized their traumas and respected each other's boundaries until they found something that worked for both of them. They really fought so damn hard to be together last season, but people just don't fucking care. My heart broke for them when they finally shared their first kiss, and it wasn't the perfect romantic moment they imagined. It was desperate, longing, afraid. All they wanted all season was just to be together, and now they finally have that. And we got that in a kids cartoon! So often love is treated as a fantasy where everything is perfect, and the couple gets together in the end and rides off into the sunset and lives happily ever after. But that wasn't their story, and I applaud them for that. I love that this show depicted the messier but crucially important sides of love about setting boundaries, addressing trauma so you don't hurt the other person, being patient and understanding while the other person is working through something because those things are hard in a relationship. A lot of those things are make or break in relationships, but the ones that want to be together will put in the work, and I think it's so important to show that in an age appropriate way to kids.

So, yeah, fuck anyone rooting for their downfall. Fuck anyone who thinks that the 4 sides are competing with each other and that Adrinette being together is an affront to their favorite side. Fuck anyone who thinks Adrinette being together is bad. It's not, and anyone who thinks it is can feel free to block me.

Maybe instead of rooting for Adrinette to break up, people should be rooting for a reveal. That's how we get the other sides, babes. That's how we should want to get the other sides. But this fandom isn't ready for a reveal tbh. They'd just bitch about how the sides are all the same now, and it's so boring. Can't win for fucking losing in this show.

#cat replies #asks #s5 discourse #i just want to enjoy them ya know #i wish people watched this show with their fucking eyes openn #sheeesh #sometimes i think its just me and the nonnies on this blog that understand the love square #like s5 made perfect sense to me babes #sorry yall missed all the signs #sorry yall are so bitter bc im having a great time here personally and i wish yall could enjoy it with me

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beatcroc · 9 months

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@midnightcityx0x0 I'm not reblogging that fuckmassive post AGAIN but this got too long for a reply so. On its own post now

Anyway i actually have so much trouble thinking of anything for gustavo ever lmao. Everything i have for him I've adopted from other people; rem [brickattack] as mentioned on the big post, and @synthlet/softersynths for a lot of other things. [and a couple others too but iirc synths was the one who started those ppl on it as well gfjdjds] which is to say, you'd probably get better/more interesting answers from those guys :p but yeah, fp and gus are pretty close. It's the general exposure/familiarity, the fact that fp is just a happy/pleasant and easy-to-like dude personality-wise, and for gus specifically there's also a level of "he shares a lot of traits with peppino, without peppino's Baggage™"

that last point is very very interesting but i dont know if i'd Actually get to doing a lot with it bc i typically make fake pep His Own Guy, with his similarities to peppino being almost sort of coincidental. i really really really like coming at peppino and fake pep from the "equals and opposites" angle, which like, that Can still apply for that last bit abt gus, but it's not something i've put a lot of thought into. it's also just fuckin hard to articulate outside of just showing it lmao. [i mentioned like, predator/prey animal nervousness + their reactions to fear vs aggression on the other post but to pull one for here: fake pep still has his own brand of Baggage to deal with too--different stuff than peppino's--but fp is way more open about it when it comes up as opposed to peppino having 50 fuckin walls about everything.

besides that, i also see a lot of general banter about gus being a very Nature Guy™ who likes to find beauty in all the weird fucked up shit nature does [especially in a world as cartoony as theirs], which i enjoy a lot bc girl same. fp may be the farthest thing from natural, but i certainly think there is a lot of beauty to be found in his fucked-up-ness. and i'm sure gustavo sees it too.

and then a fun one i've come into pretty recently for them is that they both care abt peppino a lot, but peppino is very bad at...being cared for. so because you can rarely approach pep directly about anything if it involves vulnerability [again: 50 fuckin walls], and because they both know him very well in different ways and can get through to him about different things, they end up working together a lot in sort of a conspiratory way. plotting scheming etc. 'have you noticed anything wrong lately + how are we going to help this guy out today', that sort of thing. the idea there can go a lot of ways but i'm partial to them using like goofy cartoon antics to set him up for something that'll be beneficial to him. [also brick is in on it too technically but brick is a rat and therefore only sapient when it's funny.] peppino rarely realizes what theyre doing until it's too late. get loved idiot

TANGENTIAL. DONT even get me started on the angst oh my god. you. i am pointing at you you made me think about this. i am not usually one who likes doing angst or making things excessively bad for the hell of it but. a bitch may be considering. under cut bc its unrelated to gustavo stuff but this is as good an excuse as any to share. [+ also extra thoughts on it bc of COURSE]

so i said that at the end there but then a few hours later i found myself toying around with a script and getting a good way to set it up.... im hoping i hit a roadblock on it and drop it because if i DO end up getting it all the way written i will definitely end up drawing it at some point and that would be uh... a big undertaking. it would also be one of the last ones i do bc there's other stuff i still want to build on, so IF, i cannot stress enough IF i go to make it a thing for real, it won't be this year.

for the bits i have so far though it's interesting how much it's shaping up to be like. a showcase of just how well peppino knows fp. which is surprisingly well? even better than gus, despite gus' being WAY more emotionally perceptive. peppino doesn't engage with fp more than necessary and rarely acts interested in his business, but i do think he spends a lot of time just... observing him. if only because pep is neurotic and anxious and fp is weird and freaky so it is a constant thing of "ok what the hell is this. is this something i need to be worried about?" whenever fp is doing shit, and the answer is always ''no'', but it's the sort of instinct that never leaves you yknow. so he's just very familiar with all fp's mannerisms and reactions and whatnot, even if he doesn't really use that knowledge much.......except when things go south. he's a lot more perceptive of fp acting 'wrong' or 'off' compared to gus, who would just be seeing it on a more normal 'aw he looked upset' kind of level.

i talk a lot abt fp's nervousness but the other negative thing that's just as strong with him is frustration. it doesn't usually get to him too bad, and he doesn't really show it around people outside of the occasional eyeroll; but it's stuff like not being able to communicate properly with anyone and getting constantly [negatively] misinterpreted; knowing he's Kinda Shite at his "purpose" [i.e. being 'better peppino' or whatever] and not being able to do anything about it [i don't think he cares about that much any more but i imagine it's still gotta be a bit annoying to remember]; not getting closure for like Anything that happened at the tower, etc... and while i DON'T think this would be the kind of thing to make him go berserk [i still don't really have any idea or framing for that lol; the script starts off a couple weeks in the aftermath and i pointedly don't do flashbacks], it's definitely the kind of thing that would get exacerbated by isolation. the kind of thing that's easy to focus on and spiral about without anyone to ground him; the kind of thing that could keep him from thinking clearly and he might just need to Take It Out on something after awhile.

peppino remains a terrible mediator but he is wildly resilient and tenacious, and if you need a guy to slap some sense into you... i mean he can very literally do that, and do it better than just about anyone.

#IF anyone is reading this whos been with me since the first pest control comic #i rescind the stuff i said about gustavo and fp there. i changed my mind it's this now #pizzaposting

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chirpsythismorning · 1 year

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I think people are just coping or trying to cope. Realistically it is very unlikely that we could get the season that fast. They have not even started filming yet. Almost all actors have other projects. They could get some actors earlier but it is expected that the scheduling will create problems, even if the actors have ST as their priority on their sheat... it is not really realistic to just get all actors on set. And the filming will last probably about 7-8 months (at best) and then there will be editing CGI stuff... which could take 10 months or so... yeah. So, do the math, and i did not even mention the potential writers strike thing. I do not think they'd want to rush things anyways, this is the last season, they'd want it to make sense and with a solid editing+CGI. That takes kinda... 10 months or so, and the promo has to also happen. Realistically we'll get the season in 2025. Early 2025 if we are lucky.

I agree! And I completely get where they're coming from.

I struggle with deciding if I should be honest about what I think realistically. Is it something that's disappointing and so people are just going to reject it, even despite the evidence bc it's not what they want? And if that's the case, what even is the point bc I obviously don't want to upset people or stress them out.

All I'm trying to do is think logically, so that way we can be prepared instead of disappointed over and over and over again. And tbh, telling ourselves the best possible case scenario is the most likely case scenario, is just setting ourselves up for even harsher disappointment.

I know 1 year and 10ish months seems like a lifetime from now, but it really isn't. We're going to be much more sad once it's over and we won't ever be able to see these characters again. The Duffers don't want to ruin the magic of Stranger Things, meaning there will be no reboots with these actors ever again in official canon. At best, we could get something animated, and that's at best. If anyone joins a literal live-action spin-off/reboot, it's unlikely to be someone from the MAIN main cast, as they'll have plenty of work opportunities after it's over. They also vouch for the ending of s5 being perfect. Which is why I think they wouldn't want to risk its eternal quality being ruined solely for a cash grab with a reboot set in the 2000's of them being re-traumatized all over again, essentially taking away all meaning and depth to s5's ending. It's just not happening (good thing we have fan-fiction).. ,

So again, once it premieres and it's over, there will be no more theorizing or getting excited for canon content beyond harmless fodder. I try to think about it that way when I get sad about waiting and it does honestly make me feel a little bit better. Bc surprises are arguably the best part of this experience. And so once there are no more left to be had, what even is there!!?

Although on that same note, once it's over, with the revelations all out in the open, they'll all finally be able to talk about things they couldn't during the shows run. So it will still be fun for fans that want to stick around for a while post-s5, but that also won't last forever. People will move on. Every phase of this experience is something we will look back on and wish we appreciated more, including hiatus right now. We will miss these times, when so much was still unknown and there was so much to hope and look forward to. The unknown is one of the best parts.

I do understand wanting to get closure sooner than later too though, bc waiting can sometimes feel like wasted time almost?

I will say that personally this is a good wake up call for me bc I do want to step back a little bit and focus on crafting major posts instead of like daily shit posts. I have so many in my drafts waiting for ?hrs of editing to be posted. Sometimes I find time for them, but then I get distracted and just end up making a random shit post instead. And so maybe it would be good to try to shift my focus to something more casual so that I can enjoy this experience more long-term instead of it feeling like an obligation more or less.

Not saying I'll be gone for months at a time. Quite frankly, if there's news to be reported, I want to be of the first to know, so I couldn't really leave permanently even if I wanted to... the FOMO would eat me alive.

#byler #byler tumblr #st5 #st5 promo #st5 filming #the great hiatus of s4-5 #we are going to tell our children about this #well i wont bc i'm too scared to have children with the world we're living in #but you get my point

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ialwaysknewyouwerepunk · 2 years

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Hii just read all about your harry concerts and sounds like you had an amazing time!! so happy for you :)) I was there for n2 but super far away and i was just wondering how you camp?? I've never done it before and it sounded kinda crazy to me but you get so close and I just think it makes it that much more special. My view of harry was a tiny little speck of a human dancing around unless I watched the big screen so I'd love to get the chance to be so close to him in future. But have no idea how you go about camping for a concert. Like where do you put your stuff when you have to pack it away? Where do you pitch the tent? is it always allowed? I dont have a clue! I also don't know if this is a really stupid ask but I've tried looking into it and can never really get a clear answer. You seem like a very knowledgeable person so thought I'd ask in case you have any advice

Anyway, so glad you had such a good time! I was crying at points too and half in shock I got to be there at all :))

heeey!!! okay so about camping, all i can say is that it's different for every show in terms of where you put your tent and whether or not it's allowed (it usually isn't, but yeah). i can def give you some tips tho!!

cut bc i've put enough long(ish) posts on the dash today

we went to the queue a day in advance, usually. the longest i spent in a queue (apart from now for n2 but i don't really count it since we were camping for n1 first) was 36hrs, so one night out there. you just go to the venue and usually there are fans already there, organising the queue. you check in with them and get your number, then they give you an explanation as to how the queue will work (about leaving the queue, etc). this was the first time i used tents, but we just pitched them right then and there, in the queue, so as to 'keep our spot'. wembley was clearly prepared, so we were all camping on the slopes to the entrances! after the night, we packed everything up again and had the luxury of putting it all in a friend's car, but other times we've also used lockers that were in a nearby mall, for example. we didn't book any hotel or hostel this time, so we took a day membership at a nearby gym to shower and change. other times we did book hostels to spend parts of the night there (f.e. in berlin or amsterdam we slept in shifts at the hostel and in the queue).

i think it's essential, when you camp, that you make sure you're comfortable. don't tire yourself out, because you still need to enjoy that concert!! we camped through some pretty gruelling settings (like snow......) and at some points i definitely questioned my life choices. this time, tho, we had fucking air mattresses. we were a group of four, so we all put our heads together and brought the supplies we needed. but if you're alone, you'll always make friends in the queue!! something like that brings ppl together yk ksjhfkjhfr

so, in any case: just go to the venue. check it out, a day (or two) in advance, and inspect what the queue is like and how they're going about camping. sometimes tents aren't allowed, sometimes sleeping simply isn't allowed (so that's when you go sleep in shifts at a hostel/...), sometimes the queue is a downright mess. i've had a lot of luck so far, so i can tell you that 5/5 camping experiences achieved their goal. (bc i've heard some accounts where venue security just shooed the queue away and then it was hell, so i luckily haven't experienced that before).

i also did some shows without any camping and still had a fucking amazing time, so if it's not worth it, then it still won't lessen your experience!!! i'm so glad you had a great time at wembley too :')

and then i also want to add, just for absolute clarity, that i had barricade for hslot bc we paid for early entrance, ofc :)) shows like harry's just work like that now...... you gotta pay if you want to be front row. it is what it is. i'm broke af now and it was worth every cent, but it's nice to know that for a louis show f.e. it's a matter of showing up, from then on it's a fair 'fight' for barricade lmao that's a joke pls don't fucking fight for a queue spot literally....... not worth it. tpwk

#kind anon #camping #queueing

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makarovni · 1 year

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Personal shit I'm posting here instead of main bc irls follow me there. Mention of suicide, SA, ED, and drugs

So I got my fiance to watch Veep with me. At first it was exciting, bc 1. Rewatch!!! 2. Get him to see something I enjoy!!! But today has made me kinda upset and not wanna watch it with him.

In real life, I am extremely touch averse. I barely tolerate being held romantically by him- there are some moods where I enjoy it but for the most part I prefer just to sit beside him. I especially hate any other kind of "gentle, romantic" touches and kisses, though I only just now told him that. But I allow him some time to hold me and be physically affectionate bc his love language is physical affection, and I don't want to be unfair to him.

Anyways, I gave him some of this time while we were watching Veep, and at first it was okay, he just had his arms around me and we were fine. But then an episode with Sidney came on, and when the scenes with Sidney were on, he became much more affectionate, kissing my shoulder and touching my tits and back and stuff. I noticed he also did this when Kent would show up.

He knows damn well I'm attracted to both men, so I feel like he was doing this out of some weird jealousy. Like hey, don't pay attention to them, pay attention to me!! And it just made me feel absolutely sick to my stomach. After like two episodes of enduring it I finally told him (POLITELY) I'd like him to stop touching me and please just sit beside me. He did as I asked and while he didn't complain, I could tell he felt rejected or annoyed.

But it's like, he claims he's never been jealous of anyone with me, no crushes on celebrities or characters, he says he doesn't care. He doesn't understand, bc he says the only attractive people in the world to him are me, Keanu Reeves, and Bruce Campbell apparently, but he says he doesn't mind that I have harmless crushes.

Yet it seems like he's trying to subtly be jealous and get my attention away from A FUCKING TV SHOW by touching me in ways I don't like. It's too obvious to be a coincidence, bc he would stop and then start up again when Kent shows up in the next scene. And he really played it up with Sidney scenes. So yeah even if he's not "jealous" in particular, I noticed he did it especially with Kent and Sidney scenes.

I don't know if I should bring that up. I already told him earlier about our boundaries- he gives me minimum affection to satisfy that need, and if I want more I can ask, if I want him to stop I ask and he will. I should probably just get over it and forget he did this today but I just can't.

I felt violated and like I was being molested. Even if we are engaged and I love him more than anything, I still felt that way. I felt the way i felt being molested by my sexual abusers. I've been crying about it since I went home and thought about killing myself (I won't tho dw). We were having such a good day up until that happened. I don't know if I want to go to his house tomorrow because even tho he won't do it again bc we set the boundary, it still really bothers me.

I don't know what to do. I keep crying. I want to go take painkillers even if I'm not in pain and I know that's bad but it just feels like the only thing that can make me happy right now. I'm very upset at this and I don't know what to do.

I want to wrap my body in clothes that no one will be able to see it through or touch me. I want to start starving again. I want to take more painkillers. All because of this.

Sorry. If you read this, thanks. No ones under obligation to read it or care. I just had to get it out of my system.

0 notes

thecontumacious · 2 years

Note

ahhhhh request is finally open!! hi just wanted to say that I adore the way u write!

so I wanted to request hcs where the luxiem boys overhears their s/o doing a karaoke streams and they sing like a pro? and maybe they join in too?❤️❤️

"You're my favorite song."

a/n: i subconsciously made a mini playlist for each of the boys :D i also just wanna highly recommend the songs i listed so check out the artists when you have time ^-^

quick announcement: finals are next tuesday so i will be incredibly busy for around two weeks. thus, posts will slow down a whole lot more this time around ;-; but! after that, i will be completely free and will def have a lot of time to finish this batch~ i hope you guys don't mind waiting for a bit!

Vox Akuma 👹🌹

Hiiragi Kirai - Vita, Bocca della Verita, Bottom

hiiragi's songs are powerful and your voice resonated exactly with that, which of course attracted the demon firsthand

he had never thought you could sing such high energy songs

the more you sang, the more fond and enchanted he was with your voice

we all know how he's very i to confident and bold people, hiiragi's songs are the epitome of those things

so imagine this

vox, who had originally wanted to send you a superchat to show some support for the karaoke stream, is in complete awe and finds himself listening intently to you

in laymen's terms, simping

it's only when you announced a break mid stream that it knocked him back to reality

Vox Akuma just sent $25 through superchat! "goodness darling, your voice is speaking to my soul. take responsibility won't you?"

*you choking on your water* "v-VOX HI"

i mean, you knew that your fellow vtuber friends (boyfriend in this case) would be checking out your karaoke stream but you never figured he'd actually show up and have the audacity to send a superchat too

"h-hi vox," you laugh nervously, instantly shrinking in your seat as you fiddle with your water bottle

the demon chuckles from the other side of the screen, opting for a regular chat this time for your sake

"take the water easy, love."

chat is going wild

then, he had a bright idea

he turns to his discord server and goes to send you a private message:

Vox Akuma [NIJISANJI EN] 🟢 : hey, can i ask for permission to join your stream?"

might've been a bad idea since this was a stream mainly about you but he wanted to join in on the fun, with how you're so passionate in the singing

actually no, he wanted to join only bcs he thought you were so talented, it's only natural he'd like to be affected by this wonderful sense of aura ^^

Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN] 🟢 : yeah yeah! totally cool!! come on over babe, just use the discord server!

he was slightly surprised when you granted him said permission

he'd be lying if he said he wasn't nervous bcs he knows he's no good at singing and needs practice beforehand

think before you act eh?

too late! you're already announcing to the chat that they'll be having an impromptu guest

"vox?"

"hey everyoneee hiiii"

HI MILORDDDDD

"okay, next on my set list should be something you know, vox. you ready?"

all nervousness washes away upon seeing your beautiful smile and he reminds himself that he's in it for the fun

"i got you darling."

the instrumental starts to roll in and he notices how you're more nervous than before

"y/n? are you alright?" he asks sweetly

"n-nervous is all!" you reply

vox chuckles, "nothing to be nervous about, my dear. you're very skilled at this and with the practice you had, i'm very sure you'll do well."

on screen, the demon can see your anxiety faltering and all he sees is your grin

will there ever be another person out there who can make him feel this way simply with a smile like that?

"thanks, vox."

VOX-Y/N SHIP FLOATING POG

when your voice starts to sing the melodies, vox is once again charmed by it

he rly couldn't help it and sometimes, his voice would soften just watching you lose yourself in the song

all this is mine? god, i'm so lucky.

post stream, vox actually makes his way over to your room and instantly just wraps you in his arms, kissing your face affectionately

you giggle when he finally stops, "hi."

"hello, love," he whispers. "you were beautiful today. that's what i wanted to say."

and indeed you were

other boys utc!

Mysta Rias 🦊🔶

Kanaria - Envy Baby, EYE | Giga - CH4NGE

"GASPPPP GIGAAAA" is his first initial reaction upon hearing the familiar beats but then your voice-

god your voice

sure, you were great at a lot of things but singing?????

"holy shit they're good," he mutters under his breath, genuinely amazed by how you nail ch4nge's lyrics

the thing about ch4nge is that it requires a sort of charm or confidence in executing the lyrics. there's no way to do the song justice if not done with that type of flare

and you know what?

you check all the above requirements

you sing it with high energy and arrogance as perceived by the original producer, so much so mysta thinks this version is better than the original

now that's saying something

he goes into the chat and presses on the superchat function, sending in a couple ten pounds:

Mysta Rias [NIJISANJI EN] sent 50$ through superchat! official ch4nge cover when

bcs mysta's name came up, you couldn't help but redirect your vision towards the screen. however, you weren't finished singing so all you did was grin

then you had the bright idea to up your game and sing ch4nge like you were flirting with him, now knowing your boyfriend was watching

hoo boy

feral mysta go brrrr

and just as you assumed, you did indeed awake something within mysta and although he was simply sitting on his office chair in front of his pc, he feels an unusual adrenaline rush

you sing the final lyrics and mysta instantly goes onto discord, sending you a private message

Mysta Rias [NIJISANJI EN] 🟢 : YO CAN I JOIN

he half expected you to either ignore him or say no

but there you go

Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN] 🟢 : FUCK YEAH COME ON THEN IM SINGING KANARIA'S EYE NEXT Mysta Rias [NIJISANJI EN] 🟢 : AIGHT BET WAIT THERE

like vox, he's aware he's no good at singing but the adrenaline kept him up like he was on a sugar rush

not much stopping to do now so he's on that discord call with you and your chat is welcoming him with big open arms

MYSTAAAAA

IS MYSTA GONNA SING WITH Y/N?????

MYSTA POGGG

"alright, mysta, they have high hopes for you," you giggle, prepping the next instrumental

he merely chuckles, "hi chat!! i honestly don't know what the fuck i'm doing but i'm here now."

"always so impulsive," you comment. "you good?"

"yeah, yeah, let's go"

as the instrumental begins, you start hyping yourself up and this only makes mysta more excited

with his lyrics already pulled up on his screen, you and him duet kanaria's "EYE"

in his head, he knows you're outshining him by quite a lot even without that much effort

but i think it's because of this, mysta's view of you changes a bit

how could he get so lucky?

you were skilled at a lot of things, a talented content creator/entertainer, a successful vtuber within nijisanji and most importantly, you belonged to mysta

and as you tell him every night:

"yours and only yours, babe."

amidst the upbeat music and fast paced chat, mysta only sees you having fun and enjoying the song

and he wants nothing else, from that moment on, than to keep that smile on your face and let no harm come your way

post stream, mysta congratulates you on reaching your milestone and doing so well during the karaoke stream

all before saying with a silly grin on his face, "say, do you think we can do a karaoke stream together again?"

Luca Kaneshiro 🦮🔆

wotaku - MAFIA, SHANTI | Kanaria - KING

a reason to fall in love with you tbh

you sounded so badass??????

luca even dare say that you singing mafia was better than how he did it and he was not in the slightest bit complaining

regardless of your lore, you, y/n could fit well into the mafia setting with how you're rapping mafia

he thought you couldn't be any cooler, but he was obviously wrong with how you're nailing all the lyrics (despite being a fast paced song)

luca can only watch in awe, bopping his head and humming the lyrics himself with the brightest and proudest grin that has ever graced his face

when you finish, luca is quick to press the superchat function to further support your amazing success

Luca Kaneshiro [NIJISANJI EN] sent $20 through superchat! POGGGGGGG

upon reading the incoming donation, you blush on stream while giggling shyly

"hey luca," you greet him, waving slightly

on the other side of the screen, luca melts internally

from the aggressive tone you took on to sing mafia and now shrinking to a more shy and flustered soul

how in the world are you so fucking adorable

Luca Kaneshiro [NIJISANJI EN] 🔧 : BABE THAT WAS SO POGGG YOU PROBABLY SANG IT BETTER THAN ME

you laugh, shaking your head, "oh come on, luca. your mafia cover was good too!"

humble, are you?

luca smiles

Luca Kaneshiro [NIJISANJI EN] 🔧 : honeybun stop being shy and admit that you're good at this

you will not believe how fast the chat is going seeing you interact like this, clippers super busy commemorating this beautiful moment

even your mods are begging you to put slow mode on for the sake of their sanity

"slow mode? okay wait hold on," you chuckle, pressing a few settings as per the request

seeing you have so much fun brings so much joy to luca and there's a small part inside him begging to join you. but he knows that this was your karaoke stream

who was he to intrude this celebratory stream?

hence, why you were the one who gave him the special invite

Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN] 🟢 : babe, do you wanna maybe join the stream?

luca at first couldn't believe what he was seeing but after rubbing away at his eyes and refreshing his page, your message is most definitely real

that small part i mentioned earlier?

it evolved into something much bigger and now there's no way to stop it

luca has the biggest grin in the world

Luca Kaneshiro [NIJISANJI EN] 🟢 : HOLY SHIT YES PLEASE

and he's quick to join the discord call and meet up with you

"HI BABYYYY!!" luca exclaims, wiggling around excitedly

you can only laugh at his adorable enthusiasm, addressing him to the chat, "welcome luca!!"

he wasn't completely there in person, but did it matter when his heart felt so incredibly close to you as of right now?

"what's our next song, y/n?"

"oh! you should know this, luca! but you can pull up the lyrics if need be. tell me when you're ready," you respond, typing up the song's title as the set list and readying the instrumental. "you good luca?"

nodding, he answers, "yep!"

the song begins and so does your singing

luca, who was originally already very excited, becomes even more hyped when his voice is in sync with yours. when you lock eyes with him, his heart speeds up and this prompts him to take his singing to the next level

and boy we know just how lovely of a voice luca has

he just has so much fun with you

he's on a euphoric train, holding your hand tightly to bring you aboard the soul filling feeling

like nearing the station, the song comes to a close end and luca's heart feels slightly hollow

but he looks at you

he's never felt more glad to have you as his

"hey, y/n?"

"yeah, luca?"

"i love you."

LUCA AND Y/N WEDDING WHEN

Ike Eveland 🖋💙

YOASOBI - Running into the Night | Mafumafu - Hunger | Maigo Hanyuu - Clear and Sunny

ike recognizes the song you're singing as maigo hanyuu's mellow clear and sunny

the song, unlike our previous boys, is more downplayed. it's soft but holds a strong meaning nevertheless. it is a song for the tired. it is a song that resonates with ike's gentle heart

but god that song spoke to him in a different language with how you sang it

to ike, it sounded sad but somehow also very comforting. sweet amongst a sea of bitter. it's only when he feels something cold on his arm does he realize he's crying

"oh my god," he whispers, using his sleeve to dry the remaining tears. your singing hadn't ceased either. he sighs, "why are you so beautiful, y/n?"

he doesn't wish to interrupt you so he stays silent and watches you like it was a concert

chat seemed to have had the same opinion as him

ike is still in heavy awe that he doesn't even want to input his opinion in the live chat. to him, he wants to savor every moment you sing your songs, melodizing the lyrics and pouring your every will in them

like it was a prayer almost

once you finish sunny and clear, ike begins to type on his keyboard

Ike Eveland [NIJISANJI EN] 🔧 : that was beautiful, y/n.

you pause and blush a bright red, giggling. "hi ike. i'm glad you liked it."

he more than just enjoyed it y/n, dear

he was willing to give you his entire support, as a coworker within nijisanji and as a personal fan of your work

yet there was something about your recent performance that draws ike in, literally pulling him in as though he wanted to be right there next to you

ike guiltily wished he could accompany you sing

as a musical artist himself, to be one with the music is a magical feeling. and duets are a different world in itself. and this was with you...

before long, ike's less professional side is somehow already on his keyboard again and messaging through the chat

Ike Eveland [NIJISANJI EN] 🔧 : i suddenly really wanna do a duet with you

the entirety of ike believed that you would just read the message and shrug it off, maybe laugh at it and make empty promises that you'd one day do it

but there you were, pausing mid stream and a message on discord comes through to him

Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN] 🟢 : are you serious???? Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN] 🟢 : i mean- i wouldn't mind if u joined with me! Ike Eveland [NIJISANJI EN] 🟢 : really???? it's your stream! are you sure?? Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN] 🟢 : tbh, i'm super nervous rn so your presence might be super nice...

ike smiles, finding you at this very moment extremely endearing

even after confidently singing one of the most sentimental songs in the vocaloid world with such emotion and soul wrecking tone, here you are, admitting that you're nervous and needing someone to be there just to feel okay again

moreover, he's the one you go to

Ike Eveland [NIJISANJI EN] 🟢 : alright if u insist Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN] 🟢 : thanks so much, love!!

IKEEEEEE

"hi everyone," ike smiles, moving his body around in greeting towards your chat. "apparently y/n is too nervous and begged me to be here."

"i did not beg," you frown

ike chuckles, "alright fine. you didn't beg."

"alright, alright! here's our next song, ike."

the discord message comes through: "yoasobi - running into the night."

ah this song

ike nods on stream, clearing his throat and warming up his vocal cords. "i'm ready if you are, y/n."

you make the necessary clicks before announcing, "all set! on the count of three and we immediately start singing, ike."

"alright."

"1, 2, 3!"

running into the night sounds very upbeat and fun, but when examined deeper, it is no different than clear and sunny. the lyrics tell a story of the wounded and tired. they don't fail to keep the listener attached.

but for ike, this song sung by you doesn't fail to keep him enchanted.

so enchanted, he loses himself and wishes to just hear you sing and not focus on singing anymore

and by the end, chat rolls aggressively with applaud and questions for ike

"ike, why'd u stop singing mid song?" you ask, frowning

"because someone else was singing and i felt too outshined," he smiles, giggling as you shy away, shrinking in front of the camera. ike laughs, "awe, don't be shy, sweetheart. you did wonderfully."

"th-thanks, ike," you still don't want to face him head on, but he knows that you're genuinely thankful

post stream, ike makes you stay online on discord to give a call.

"yes, ike?"

"do you wanna collab? i have an idea for a song for the two of us."

Shu Yamino 🔮✨

tsumiki - phony | Neru - Becoming Potatoes | wowaka - Unknown Mother-Goose

the first song, phony, requires a lot of energy and finesse, but not so serious so you still seem like you're having fun

even shu thinks that song exhausts his own lungs

so to see you sing phony, not breaking a sweat but still nailing its atmosphere with the biggest smile on your face brings a sort of exciting comfort to the sorcerer

and the fact you're singing one of his favorite vocaloid songs brings him back home

from the other side of the screen, shu watches you continue to have fun on your commemoration of a special milestone on your channel and the more his heart feels so close and comfortable with you

he's the sorcerer, what magic were you casting upon him, huh?

because shu won't be admitting the fact that he feels like he wants to hold you and keep you to himself for the rest of the day

okay maybe he will later, but come on you were busy :<

the final notes of phony finally comes to an end and you heave an exhausted breath, but despite it, it was obvious that you were still happy and full of energy

shu smiles, contagious

Shu Yamino [NIJISANJI EN] 🔧 : that was so good babe good job!

upon seeing his name in the chat, you smile, "hi shu and thank you."

HI SHUUUU

SHU X Y/N POGGG

Shu Yamino [NIJISANJI EN] 🔧 : they have a good taste in music chat, this stream is gonna be super pog

you chuckle at his comment, "admittedly, shu has been introducing majority of the songs i'll be singing today. what an influence."

though that response was but of mere casual saying, shu felt... proud?

"alright, our next song! hint, it's actually a song commissioned for project sekai. the lyrics are... interesting to say the least, but the music is so well produced," you explain, typing on your keyboard to prep the instrumental. "any guesses?"

the chat begins to insert their many guesses, varying in titles

Shu Yamino [NIJISANJI EN] 🔧 : is it potato ni natteiku

Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN] 🟢 : YEAH IT IS LMAOOO

that song, as you said, had its music very well produced indeed. shu thinks it's super catchy and whenever he listens to it, he can't help but bop his head a bit

Shu Yamino [NIJISANJI EN] 🟢 : man that song is so good and relatable lol Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN] 🟢 : do u wanna join in then? let's duet shu!!

shu's fingers drop onto his keyboard, void of any strain as he looks at your message. wasn't this your stream? weren't you the one who reached this milestone?

what had he done to be offered this rare chance?

imagine singing his and your favorite songs, and enjoying them with the chat...

felt like it could be your own world

Shu Yamino [NIJISANJI EN] 🟢 : you don't mind??? i mean i'm cool if you're cool

his heart beats against his ribcage and that wave of feeling at home, nothing in the world could bother him, washes over shu again

it's that temporary moment in his life where everything is going to be alright and that he's rly found what he's been looking for all his life

Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN] 🟢 : yeahh!! come on!

seeing you so enthusiastic, there was no way he was going to refuse you so he clicks on the appropriate button and he makes himself known to the chat

HI SHU

UWAHHH SHUUUU

"so, he actually guessed my next song right so for that, he gets to sing with me," you giggle, causing shu to laugh alongside you

"that's because you're too predictable, y/n."

"how can i not be when you're the one teaching me all these songs, huh?" you pout

that's about true, shu thinks as he merely grins

"alright, i got everything set. you ready, shu?"

he takes a deep breath and spares you one glance. you smile at him. that was all he needed to muster up the courage to sing with you, for you and the world you two built together

"all good."

like everything else was

the song begins, the chat sends your respective light sticks and among all the good chaos, you hold out your hand out to shu

the hand he takes and lets you lead away where you're going this time

shu takes the lower note while you take the higher, creating a wonderful mesh of contrasting tones

smiles decorate both your faces, which bring a happier atmosphere to potato ni natteiku and the adrenaline inside shu rushes faster than before

like two hearts beating at once, you and shu sync in together with vibes not far different from one another. you bob your head at the same beats and pause at the same time

cliche as it may sound, the sorcerer has never felt more fitting in this life and truly grateful for what he has

you especially

so when the song ends, shu wants nothing more than to experience it all over again. to feel that rush of adrenaline, but also that comforting sense of home.

but he knows, as he watches you pant from exhaustion, that he will get that chance once more in the future

"you good, y/n?" shu laughs

you nod, taking a sip of your water. "yep! you?"

he smiles. "yeah, amazing."

Masterlist!

764 notes · View notes

needleandhammer · 3 years

Text

Prism

Pairing: Robert Pronge x Reader; featuring Jake Jensen

Warnings: 18+ only, dark fic, non-con touch, kidnapping, it's Freezy so yeah

Notes: Happy spooky season! I cannot believe the writers I am following have led me onto the Freezy Train 😳

For a year, you worked alongside Jake. He came through your office suite to set up new computers one morning. Designated the unofficial tech responder, you reached out to him often, asked questions politely and endlessly until he resigned himself to visiting your office multiple times per week. Somehow, the two of you ended up having lunch together as he listened to you grumble about coworkers adverse to seeking technological solutions on their own. Then going to happy hour together. Then texting each other; Jake followed your lead until the two of you could speak in memes and emojis.

Your friend abruptly left his job a few months ago. With no response to your text messages, you swallowed down the disappointment of losing touch with a friend when adulting kept your circle so small already. You only hoped he was okay.

Now, after a late night at the office, your coworker Carter lies unconscious in your peripheral. The person responsible for knocking out Carter stalks toward you. You’re scrambling around your desk trying to keep distance between him and you, this stranger with scraggly hair hanging over a pair of thick spectacles.

You’re so startled, mind trying to salvage some kind of escape plan that you haven’t even tried yelling for help. You hurl a solid glass paperweight at him. Air rushes up your throat – a scream working its way out when you see him dodge and strike forward at you. His hands circle your wrist, you’re yanked against him and a painful blow to the base of your neck sends you sinking into blackness.

---

You wake with a start. Where are you?

Your hands roam, grasping lightly across your body in search of any new injuries while you breathe past the lingering pain at the back of your head. At least it wasn’t bleeding. Assured that you were able to stand and move with relative ease, you’re on your feet and tiptoeing to the door of the bedroom. Your shoes are gone, dammit.

You swallow hard, breathing deep against grogginess and the aching pulse at the base of your skull. That fucker isn’t here so you need to act.

Go out that door.

Wait. You need something. A weapon. Anything.

A shaky breath forces your stark fear at bay as you look around the room. You make it to the open closet door.

A pink color halts you physically and mentally. Pink. You collapse to your knees and grasp at the cotton fabric. The word printed on the pink shirt triggers a breathless sob that you can’t control.

Petunias

Oh gods, did this deranged man kidnap Jake too? What can he possibly want with you and your friend? Is Jake in some kind of trouble? Questions bombard your mind, tangling into nothing that makes sense. Your head aches. Your limbs feel weak. Has it been long enough that your body has weakened from lack of nourishment?

Beneath another shirt, you discover a scraggly object. It’s chestnut colored, wavy strands that sends a creeping shivering down your spine. You quickly drop the Petunias t-shirt over it, as if to hide some vile creature from sight, and peer around the room again.

Damn it. No light décor or metal objects you can arm yourself with. You’ll have to be quick.

The door gives a creak when you swing it open, revealing a small galley kitchen.

Your heart skips – dread douses you – you freeze when you see the figure standing opposite you at the far end of this small building. He turns, arms falling from the curtained window, to look at you.

You reel backward; your hands reach and claw for something, anything that might help you in this horrible circumstance.

Right back where you started. You made it barely a foot out of your prison.

Your captor descends upon you. You shriek, push and shove against him but his weight follows you, presses you down on the bed.

His palm stifles your cries while he easily restrains you.

“Awake are we?”

You shake your head. You don’t want to hear his voice. You close your eyes. You don’t want to look at him – afraid that your eyes are deceiving you.

He tsks. “Don’t be a brat. We can make this part quick.”

Growling, you shake his hand away and snap at him. “What the fuck are you talking about? Let me go.”

He scoffs at the additional impolite names you call him.

Panting, you glare at him. “What do you want?”

“You gonna play nice?”

You try to headbutt him.

He sighs in irritation.

Your wrists are snuggly wrapped and tied to one bed post. You lean away from him as much as possible where you sit on a corner of the mattress, cutting him with a glare.

He still hasn’t answered you. That cold dread weighs down in your gut as you force another question out.

“What did you do to Jake?”

“Jake?” His smile grows.

“Don’t play with me! That’s his shirt. He – he has a family. His sister and niece, they’re…” Your words die on your lips as he starts laughing.

“Oh, sugar,” he says with a fond look your way. “Time to break the bad news to you. Your buddy Jake is…Well, you wanna take a guess?”

“You hurt him?”

The cold smile does not waver. You swallow down the lump in your throat. You already know the answer.

“C’mon. Don’t leave me hanging,” he purrs at you, waiting for your next guess.

You’re not ready to accept it, despite the tangible evidence in front of you. Despite the bright t-shirt lying in the closet. Covering the brunette wig. It can’t be true.

This man’s face, his nose, his lips. You feel like you’re going mad as you keep being pulled back to those blue eyes. The glasses are gone; you can see his full brows, the aquamarine of his irises. That laugh that sounded wrong, even though the tenor flows through you in familiar waves.

His hair is now a natural deep brown. It's shorter, lacking the gel that previously held it up in blonde spikes. The wig must have just been a precaution for when he showed up at your office. And his facial hair is grown out more evenly and that alone could have transformed the man you thought you knew.

He disappeared months ago.

You study his eyes – you know their exact color – and recognize the mirth glinting beneath dark lashes. But your heart starts racing when his signature crooked smile doesn’t appear. Instead, a hard smirk twists his face into a stranger.

“Jake…” Maybe you hope invoking his name as you know it will make this all go away - will make the world make sense again. Maybe you want to cling to an impossible salvation.

He scoffs softly, a quiet murmur of your name on his lips, almost remorseful. Almost.

“The name’s Robert.”

Gone is the awkward, clumsy colleague you had grown close to. The man you formed a slow companionship with during late office hours sharing fast food while ranting about administration or complaining about the local asshole that stood at the corner of your block shouting right-wing rhetoric to people trying to get to work.

Gone is Jake Jensen, the cute nerd you called friend.

Robert Pronge closes in, looms before you. His fingers skim your jawline before he grips your face tight, deliberate.

“I couldn’t leave you behind,” he says, dipping even closer so his lips graze your cheek. You grow stiff at the gentle affection. His grip loosens enough that you can drop your gaze.

“I…d-don’t know you.” You don’t know this man. “I don’t.”

Robert watches as you press your forehead to your hands. He supposes it’s normal - you haven’t arrived at acceptance of reality yet. Your frame clenches with stress, the physiological response to danger. Robert has witnessed this countless times with countless hits.

A breathy chuckle tickles your skin. He knew you well enough at this point. “You’re a smart one, sugar.”

“No, no, no…”

“And you know now that ole Jake Jensen. Never existed.”

Faced with this man’s remorseless confession, you steel yourself for the inevitable.

“Are you – are you going to kill me?” You raise your eyes. You'll look at this man's face one last time, you won't be deceived in your final moments.

That dark chuckle returns.

“You think I risked showing up in town just for a quick kill?"

He cages you in, enclosing you between arms thick with muscle.

"No, sugar. Wouldn’t wanna waste a sweet thing like you.”

His mouth is on yours and for several seconds, the heated, hungry pressure stuns you. Confuses you. You squawk at the sensation of him probing for a deeper taste, and start twisting out of his hold.

Strong fingers tighten in your hair and make you whimper in pain, stilling enough for his tongue to delve into your mouth.

A quiet moan of satisfaction rumbles through Robert when he accesses the hot taste of you for the first time.

Robert decided long ago. Once his mask is peeled back – that blonde, chirpy mask – he’s taking you as his. And he’ll make sure you get to know the real him intimately.

------------------------------------------

A/N: Hurrah! I have been wanting to write a Jekyll and Hyde inspired fic for a while. Tis the season and all, so I present to you all: "Jensen and Pronge." muahahaha. I am trying to plan this out as a multipart fic. 😏 I'm gonna try to make this soft!dark bc that's the kind of shit I'm into.

#robert pronge x reader #dark!fic #non con #tw noncon

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moonflms · 3 years

Text

➷｡˚surprise? — nct jeno

PROLOGUE ༄ — the surprise of getting your boyfriend's dream dog for his birthday became a bit ruined knowing that another samoyed came home earlier than expected.

PAIRING ༄ - boyfriend! jeno x fem! reader

GENREs ༄ - fluff, puppy boyfie, puppy son, renjun supportive bff

W. COUNT ༄ - around 1k+

WARNINGS༄ - swearing (do i have to add this i literally swear in my stories JHSDKJS)

TAGS ༄ - @cupfullofjeno @jungwon-luv-bot-pt3 (if you wanna be tagged in my stories then feel free to reach out to me ! <3)

➷｡min's letter ༄ - rushed bc i honestly lost the ability to write HJSDHJSDH btw help me with tags bc my tumblr won't allow me to add more tags???

do not repost. copyright belongs to @moonflms 2021. reblogs and likes are deeply appreciated! originally posted on my wattpad (@johnsparrot) . enjoy reading!

masterlist

"okay, so here's the plan. you're staying in the guest room until jeno's birthday which is in three days. you'll make it, right?" you glanced at the passenger's seat beside you, talking to the 9 weeks old samoyed puppy you got just a few moments ago from the pet barber.

"plus, jeno's not supposed to come home 'til friday." stopping on a red light, you petted the puppy, who was bunched in a blue blanket. "jeno hasn't stopped yapping about how he really wanted a samoyed y'know." the puppy yawned as he stood on his seat, scratching his ear with his hind leg. you smiled as you mumbled a small 'good boy' then continued to focus on driving. you were close to the condo you both lived in, just a few more turns and you're home.

your samoyed was unplanned, to be honest. both you and your boyfriend jeno were huge dog lovers. with jaemin who introduced the breed to him as his twin, jeno simply fell in love with the bear-like dog. although you both were ready in raising a dog, the plan of actually getting one never pushed through, more like being set to the side a couple of times.

but recently hearing that jeno's friend taeyong had his samoyed give birth to a litter of small cub-like puppies, you seized the chance to get one for jeno, just in time for his birthday. and guess what? it only took a few boxes of ferrero rochers and a new dog mattress and bam! you got the puppy without spending thousands.

pulling up in the parking lot, you carried the puppy from his seat on one hand and carried his small dog crate on the other, you were ready to head up the elevator until you saw jeno's car parked a few slots across yours.

"huh?" you stopped in the middle of your trail and looked at the plate number, it was exactly jeno's. you immediately moved to the side placing the crate down and got your phone out of your pocket, calling jeno.

"henlooo?"

"are you upstairs?" you sounded rushed. "yep! we came back from the resort earlier than expected. surprise!"

. .

"sweets?" jeno called out as you lowkey panicked. "y-yeah! hold on uh, the parking is a bit crowded so i'll have to park farther than usual, i'll head up in a bit." you quickly ended the call as you looked at your puppy.

crap crap crap crap

plans were a bit ruined knowing how jeno's back from his trip with his friends earlier than expected. your worry was how would you bring the puppy in without surprising another samoyed who's waiting by the doorstep of your door. you can't leave the puppy in the car, nor you couldn't sleep in the car just to accompany the puppy. time was ticking as your boyfriend was expecting you already upstairs.

but oh thank god that your prayers were heard. walking away from his car, you saw a familiar red-headed guy. it was none other than your friend and neighbor, renjun.

"hOLY SHIT YES!" you quickly ran to renjun juggling the puppy and crate on both hands. scaring the man with your loud voice and footsteps, renjun halted for you to arrive. "did you seriously miss me that mu— awwee how cute!"

quickly putting the crate down, renjun took the puppy from his arms and cradled it, "how cute you are! what's your name-" the puppy sneezed as renjun smiled and muttered a 'bless you'. " 'sneeze' it is then."

"he's nameless as of now, but please do me a favor." you quickly asked as renjun continued to play with the puppy's paws. "depends, what's your boon this time, y/n?"

"can the pup stay over your room? like, for at least until jeno's birthday?" you clasped your hands together trying to persuade him. "woah, woah, hold on. first, i'm more of a cat guy. second, i'd love to but the puppy would end up chew—"

"taeyong gave me a few of his toys and he got his own bed and food and pad and—"

"just please, it wouldn't be a surprise anymore." renjun knowing how his buddy loved a cute samoyed (obviously he's a witness as well of jeno's constant spazzing) his soft heart ends up agreeing. "if he chews on my slippers, you're getting me a new pair. just saying" he shrugged as he took the dog crate from you as well. "thanks a lot 'junnie!"

"hold on, the dog food?"

shit.

"i'll bring it don't worry"

the dog food was hidden inside your kitchen's cabinet.

you headed up ahead to your room, once you did you were tackled in a hug as soon the door opened. "what took you long?" jeno patted your head as he continued to cling to you. "parking was crowded, plus i had a talk with renjun just a while ago." jeno hummed an oh as he continued to stick to you.

"was supposed to surprise you when i got home but you were out, so i took a nap. and also, you smell like dog perfume?" jeno sniffed your shirt, it was the puppy's perfume that stuck to your shirt. "i helped taeyong bathed his puppies, so... yeah."

jeno whined as he starts his spazzing once again, "y/nnn let's get a dog pleasee" you giggled as you remembered you still had to sneak a huge-ass dog food pack to renjun which momentarily was impossible, having a boyfie who was y/n deprived.

"how about after your birthday, hmm?" jeno's signature eye smile showed as he continued to hug you but much tighter. "alright, i'll head up to pick up a few things."

as soon jeno grabbed his phone and left, you took out the small sack of dog food and rushed to renjun's floor.

finally calming down after changes to your surprise, you excitedly walked over to where renjun and your dog were.

standing in front of the door, you placed the pack down and took your phone; before you could even dial renjun, he called you first.

"i'm in front of your door" you waved to the peephole thinking that renjun was looking through

"uh hey y/n i kinda— wait WHAT?"

the door quickly opened while you motioned to pick up the dog pack. now carrying the dog essential in your arms, you faced renjun.

who was sitting by the living room.

and a jeno who answered the door.

your jaw dropped at the sight of your boyfriend.

"close your mouth, sweets! it's my surprise, not yours. hmm?" jeno taunted as you whined as the surprise backfired.

you stepped into the room as you immediately went for renjun.

"I WAS SUPPOSED TO TELL YOU THAT JENO LEFT A FEW THINGS FOR HIM TO PICK UP," you sat down on the couch and attacked the red-haired guy, "hEY IT WASN'T MY FAULT I FORGOT YOU SUDDENLY SCREAMED AND RAN UP TO ME AWHILE AGO"

you plopped to the floor beside jeno, who was playing with the puppy. "well, surprise love!" jeno giggled as you felt a bit glum, hugging you almost instantly. "i named her cloud~"

you pecked jeno's cheek, you were now raising two samoyed babies.

"jeno sweetie, it's a male though" renjun bursted out laughing as you patted his head, still processing how he finally had a fluffy son who takes after him.

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kitkatpancakestack · 3 years

Text

In response to this. I am replying in a new post bc I have the "no sense of brevity" flavor of ADHD so I know this is gonna get long.

@yramesoruniverse thank you so much for asking, as a matter of fact I do have some thoughts *cracks knuckles*

Let me preface this by saying I am not going to sit here and pretend I don't spend 90% of my waking hours ruminating on this. We all know what we're doing here. That being said, I have considered several variations on how I would love the 9-1-1 team to deliver this:

1. Let's call it the "Two Trapped Dads" scenario:

I implore you to consider the ANGST and POETRY of Buck and Eddie getting trapped somewhere, as civilians, and being forced to depend on each other in order to survive. The serve of this hypothetical scenario would be made more rich set in the context of them having had an argument, or just there being some kind of withstanding tension between the two that has been ignored and left to build to a nauseating degree.

(Side note: I love Buck and Eddie because when they fight it's never with any real animosity. It always stems from the terrifying magnitude of their Love for each other. It's not arguing, it's just them caring about each other very aggressively. Absolutely iconic.)

ANYWAY, in this scenario they careen into disaster over Christopher, as I see it playing out that for some reason they believe only one of them will be able to 100% make it out alive. I imagine the tension has been building since the guardianship bomb and Buck regresses to what he believes he does best, which is being a sacrificial lamb, which shoves their moment from 4x14 back into the forefront. It would force Eddie to not only seismically double down on what he said, but literally spell out to Buck what he means to Eddie, not just Christopher.

Example:

Buck: Obviously you're the one that's getting out, you have a son waiting for you.

Eddie: Screw that, you mean just as much to him as I do.

Buck: I'm irrelevant unless you're dead, Eddie, and there is no way I'm letting you die here today.

Eddie: You're such an idiot, Buck. How can you still not get it?

Buck: Get what?

Eddie: We're a family. All three of us. What did you think that whole will thing was about, anyway? Christopher and I . . . there's no us without you.

jfc someone stop me before I write an entire script, but I think you get the gist of this one.

2. Next we have the "Just-Tell-Me-What-You-WANT" scenario:

The Drama Queen in me is obsessed with this one. It would, unfortunately, require a significantly laid foundation between Buck and a love interest (Taylor ig? It's not important, tbh). Originally, I had this scenario flipped, but since we as a fandom have collectively established Eddie as the Pining Idiot in Love, we're gonna switch it up.

So, again, Buck would be progressing significantly in his relationship with [insert intentionally poorly-defined love interest here]. In the fallout of the guardianship scene, I can still see him struggling with how to untangle his Feelings about what Eddie said to him, and losing himself in the disingenuous familiarity of "Buck 1.0" (I am with Eddie in that I hate his software updates but it's canon material so there you go). The escalation of this hypothesis results in Buck contemplating taking the next step with Taylor or, more realistically, contemplating moving out of the city with her as she's been recruited for a promotion elsewhere. I could see Eddie coming over to Buck's place and them discussing this, because they discuss everything, and Eddie just getting more and more exasperated because Buck doesn't look happy but he won't stop and think, he's just barreling ahead as usual. And so Eddie calls him out.

I think it would be something like Eddie going, "What are you even doing? You obviously don't want this."

And Buck being like, "I'm not discussing what I want with you."

and Eddie just exploding, "What? What do you want, Buck? You never express what you really feel so just . . . what do you really want?"

And Buck just going fuck it and grabbing him and pressing years of want and need and love into Eddie's mouth and yeah *fans face* I'm FINE.

3. Finally, the "Wait-For-Me-To-Come-Home" scenario:

Ideally a season finale moment, paralleled to the other couples on the show. The episode would feature a series of calls relating to couples/families experiencing some degree of separation but always finding their way back to each other. At the end there's a montage of Bathena, Madney, Mavid, Henren etc. reuniting after some sort of contention and then it would stop on Buck alone in his apartment, sitting at his table identical to what we saw in Tsunami Pt. 2, completely overwhelmed by how quiet it is and how alone he feels. And maybe Buck is considering something he heard on one of the calls. Whatever the situation, it ends with him heading to Eddie's house and it's late, like two in the morning late, and the final scene is Buck knocking on Eddie's door looking wild-eyed and desperate and there's no dialogue, just them. And Eddie opens the door wider and steps back as Buck steps in and they just stand a breath's distance away, just staring at each other, and then Eddie closes the door and everything fades to black and *flings myself off a cliff*

Bonus: I call this the "Fever Dream" scenario because I dreamt it when I was, in fact, feverish and hallucinating after my second COVID vaccine:

Buck is out running an errand before going into work and ends up in a robbery situation where he obviously intervenes and ends up getting hurt. The episode would open with the 118 being unable to reach Buck and ragging on him, and the first call they respond to is, indeed, Buck on the verge of death. The rest of the episode would then show the sequence of events leading up to that moment and finish with Buck and Eddie in the back of the ambulance, and Buck just touches Eddie's face, or wraps his fist around the St. Christopher necklace hanging around Eddie's neck, and Eddie is Not Handling Things and then Buck flatlines in the back of the ambulance and jfjdsaldflja somebody stop me before I write a fic *flings myself off another cliff*

As you can see I haven't thought about this much at all. Also, you deserve a fucking award if you made it to the end of this.

I have buddie brainrot! They're actually ruining my life! I have lost control! I'm doing GREAT!!!

#buddie #somebody take my brain away from me #I would like to put it away for a few days and be free from this endless cycle of violence #evan buckley #eddie diaz #idiots in love smh #greatest love story of all time though #buddie meta #long ass post #speculation

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toomanyfandoms02 · 4 years

Text

Birthday // Spencer Reid x Reader

So I got this idea from @darnittumbleweed 's recent post about how grateful Spence must be when he gets gifts and people remember birthdays bc of his mom sadly forgetting them when he was a kid.

Summary - Reader accidentally finds out it's Spencer's birthday and she decides to surprise him with some gifts.

Word count - 2.3k

I adjusted my light purple blazer, tucking it farther into my pencil skirt as I walked through the doors of the bullpen. I was a bit earlier than usual, but I was not surprised to see Spencer already parked at his desk with a book in hand. His feet were propped up on his desk, making his legs look even longer.

The I saw a wallet laying open on the ground, a few feet from his desk.

I kneeled, grabbing the older looking leather wallet from the carpet. I immediately saw Spencer's ID picture sitting in the front clear pocket.

*Sex: M --- Eyes: BRO --- Hgt.: 6' -01'' --- Wgt.: 175 --- DOB: 10/28/1981*

I furrowed my eyebrows at this, that was today's date. Spencer turns 29 today.

I had heard from JJ how private Spencer was about events like this. They just became like any other day to him as he grew up. His mom had not remembered holidays and birthdays from a pretty young age, so he treated them like another regular day too. JJ, and I'm sure Hotch, were the only ones who knew of his birthday. He must have told them to not make a big deal of it, he wasn't much of a partier. Fine then, I wouldn't throw him a party.

"I think you dropped this." I set his wallet on his desk, folded closed. He peeked over his book, eyes widening a bit.

"Oh thanks! Where did you find it?" He say up straighter, laying his book on his desk. I pointed to the ground a few feet away. "Well, thanks again y/l/n." I nodded, heading to my desk.

I shamelessly spent the whole day looking for things to buy for Reid. I was aiming for things from Doctor Who, so I looked up the stock from geek stores in our mall. I had decided on two gifts, and I was going to buy them after work.

My heels clicked loudly on the tile floor of the mall. I was getting frequent stares from passersby as I walked through the crowded halls. I *did* look a little overdressed to be in the mall, but to be completely honest, I was on a mission. And I wasn't going to waste time changing because that would just postpone the time that I would get to see Spencer's smiling face.

I walked into 'ThinkGeek', peering to the back where I saw a Doctor Who section.

"Hiya! Is there something I can help you with." Though the worker didn't show it *clearly* on her face, but I could see the slight confusion in her eyes. Again, I did look a *little* out of place.

"I'm looking for a few specific things that I checked your guys' stock for with the help of a friend."

"Only workers can check our in store stock here. Are you Sarah's friend?" She gestured to a lady at the counter with bright pink hair.

"Uh, no." I slowly pulled out my FBI credentials and discreetly showed them to her. "I had our tech analyst check for me because I need these gifts for a friend." She nodded in understanding, looking just a bit frightened. I explained to her what I needed and she took me to the items. It wasn't long until I was being rung up.

"That'll be $31.82." I slid her the money. "This is a gift right? Do you want it wrapped? We wrap for an extra 2 bucks."

"That would be awesome!" I put two more dollars on the counter.

"So," she tied the bow on the first present, "is this for a boyfriend?" I blushed and narrowed my eyes a bit. She put her hands up in surrender, "Or girlfriend?" I sighed a bit with a laugh.

"No no, he's a coworker."

"Some coworker he must be if you're spending," she peered at my receipt, "nearly 34 dollars on him. A birthday I'm guessing?"

"Are you trying to profile me?" I asked, quirking my eyebrow.

"Are you trying to profile *me*?"

"Fair enough." I laughed. She slid me the boxes and handed me my receipt. "Thank you for wrapping these."

"Get that man boo!" She shouted as I left the store. I gave her a firm thumbs up and started heading to my car so I could give these to the man in question.

That was until I forgot about a card.

I turned back into the mall and went into Barnes and Noble. I quickly had a worker direct me towards the cards and I found a perfect one with a Tardis that said 'All the time-travel in the world won't make you any younger.'

I giggled and brought it up to the register.

"Is it this special someone's birthday *today*?" I nodded. "Well I have a coupon for a free cupcake from our cafe." She slid me the thin piece of paper.

"Thank you so much!" I grabbed the card and headed to the cafe and getting him a vanilla cupcake. After all of that, I was finally, *actually*, heading to Spencer's.

I pulled into his apartments parking lot, unbuckling and gathering the gifts. I took the stairs up to apartment 23 and knocked on the door. I heard slow footsteps approach the door and stop for a moment. I assumed he was looking through the peep hole so I hid the presents behind me, skillfully stacked onto one hand and waved. He opened the door immediately.

"Hey y/n! What are you doing here? And what's behind your back?" He tried to look over my shoulders, which wasn't hard to do with his towering frame. I backed up into the stairs railing so he couldn't see.

"You promise you won't be mad if I tell you?" I could see worry cross his features.

"That depends. But it's hard to stay mad at you." His face softened.

"Ok well," I pulled the small boxes and card from behind me, "happy birthday."

His eyes widened, and then, unexpectedly, a giant grin spread across his lips.

"How did you know?"

"When I picked your wallet up, I saw your ID. So, I decided to get you a couple things." He ushered me in the house as I handed him the card. He smiled even bigger, reading the card.

"You remembered that I like Doctor Who?"

"Okay, first of all, who doesn't know you like Doctor Who? And two, I remember a lot of things about you, nerd." I elbowed his side lightly. He gestured for me to sit on his couch with him as I handed him the boxes wrapped in white wrapping and blue bows, along with the clear box with the cupcake in it.

"Thank you for the cupcake." He chuckled.

"Yeah! The chick at the counter gave me a coupon for it." I smiled.

He opened the thinner, longer box first. I revealed a Tardis tie.

"Y/n-"

"I didn't think you had a tie like that so as soon as I saw it I knew I had to get it. I'm sorry if you already have one."

"Y/n, this is so cool! Where did you get it?" He pulled it from the box and looked at it closer. He was already loosening his current tie to try it on.

"It's a store in the mall, ThinkGeek. They've got a lot of nerdy stuff there. It's where I get my Harry Potter stuff." I blushed a bit, having just revealed a nerdy part of me that I didn't tell many people about.

"I love it!" He was now standing in front of a mirror, tightening it around his neck and smiling like a little kid who just got a puppy. He came back to the couch, leaving it on and tearing the wrapping on the second one. It was a Tardis mug.

"And you were talking about how we didn't have enough mugs at the office, so I thought you could have your own. Plus, everyone will know it's yours."

He stared into the mug with a look that I couldn't exactly read.

*Did I trigger a bad memory?*

Right as I thought that, he looked up at me with the same expression. All I could tell was, whatever he was trying to express, it was behind those honey brown eyes. ~~the ones I was always getting lost in~~ He set the mug on the coffee table and leaned towards me.

He hugged me.

He hugged me tighter than I have ever been hugged.

I wrapped my arms around him, squeezing him back. I could have sat like that forever, but we sat for probably half a minute.

"I thought you didn't like hugs."

"I don't usually, but, I don't know." He looked down at his hands, quite literally twiddling his thumbs. "This just, means a lot to me. I didn't think someone paid enough attention to me to not only get me things from my favorite show, but things that I have mentioned randomly in a conversation." He looked up in realization, and now my heart was pumping *way* too fast. "You *like* me, don't you?" My eyes widened to, I'm sure, the size of the mug I had gotten him.

"What? Uh, no. I just thought, you just never, no."

"Yes! Yes you do!" He stood up smiling at me, like he just had a *massive* breakthrough. "Look, you're blushing, that's involuntary sign of attraction. And you haven't broken eye contact with me this whole time! Even though you want to. And you're talking in a lower pitch than usual. A person will change the tone and pitch of their voice when speaking to someone they’re attracted to. Specifically, women tend to lower their vocal tone when around an attractive person. You have been fidgeting this whole time."

I could feel my face get hotter and hotter with everything he pointed out. I felt extremely vulnerable. My face was not only involuntarily blushing, it was involuntarily making quite the frightened face. I realized this when he put his hands up in surrender and his face softened from the smug grin that was previously plastered to it.

"Oh! Are you okay?" He leaned over his coffee table at me and I leaned farther into his couch. He smiled again, "Do you not understand what I'm getting at?" He looked at me slightly dumbfounded.

"That I like you? Yeah I got it!" I snapped a bit. He closed his eyes and shook his head slightly.

"I do the exact some things." I squinted my eyes at him. "Do you not notice how *neither* of us ever break eye contact? I was just sitting next to you, fidgeting with my hands. You probably think my cheeks are naturally flushed, but that's just when I'm around you. I constantly catch myself lowering my voice when I'm having conversations with you. Some profilers we are, huh?" I smiled and leaned towards him, grabbing his face.

"Yeah, well, we aren't suppose to profile eachother anyway, cheater." I giggled, pulling him into a kiss. He grabbed the back of my neck deepening it.

"Giggling a lot from a woman is also a sign of attraction." He mumbled between kisses. I pulled apart from him with another giggle. He raised his eyebrows as I confirmed his theory.

"Whatever nerd." I pushed his chest.

"Seriously, thank you so much." He hugged me again. At this point we were both just standing in front of his coffee table. "I'm glad you found out it was my birthday today, because I'm not sure when I would have the courage for any of that again." He pushed a piece of hair behind my ear.

"Well you don't have to worry about that anymore. You have me now." His eyes lit up at that, kissing me again. We both smiled into the kiss, pulling eachother impossibly close. "I've gotta get home and feed my cat." I backed out from the kiss, watching him slightly follow, in hopes of another kiss.

"Are you free after work tomorrow?" He asked hopefully.

"What do you have in mind?"

"Dinner? Or we can watch a movie here?"

"How about both?" I winked.

"Perfect!" He pecked my lips one more time as I walked out the door. Just as it shut behind me I heard a not so quiet.

"Yes! Finally dumbass!" From him.

I giggled again as I walked down the stairs.

*What a convenient day for him to drop his wallett*

BONUS:

The next day I walked in to see Spencer drinking from his new mug and wearing his tie, paired with a regular white button up. I walked by his desk, tapping on the mugs rim.

"Nice mug." I winked and kept walking to my desk. He looked down at the coffee with a giddy smile.

"**I knew it! I knew it! Give me the money JJ you *loser**!" I heard Derek screech from the other side of the room. JJ rolled her eyes and handed him a ten. "My man's has got game!" He slapped a hand on Spencer's back.

"You guys couldn't have waited one more month?" JJ asked with a very annoyed expression.

"It's your guys fault for betting on us." I held my hands in surrender. Penelope then emerged from her office.

"Yay! Finally! Did you get him the tie and mug?! I adore it!" She hugged me from behind and placed a kiss on my cheek.

*This is my family*

#mgg #criminal minds #spencer reid #dr spencer reid #spencer reid x y/n #MGG #matthew gray gubler #matthewgraygubler #spencer reid one shot #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid fanfiction

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outrunningthedark · 3 years

Note

I like never cry, my depression and dissociation make it impossible most times, but I've once again found myself having absolutely given up on being my own person, being an independent human away from my parents, I've completely given up on moving out, and I'm once again always giving in to everything my parents want the way they want it. I'm currently crying on the couch of the room they gave me, they're setting up the kitchen and everything here the way they want it, all my time beside work goes to them and every time I give them an inch, they take everything else. And then they attack my character, and judge every of my decisions and everything I say, and it hurts so much. I have no energy to fight them, and now I'm even going to be giving them my money for family like they want to. I was only just ever a prop to them and at 25 I still am. They love me, and they're doing what they say they think is best for me... But they don't realize how they're destroying me.

And IDK I'm probably crying bc I realized I've given up again and it makes me feel so absolutely powerless.

I've sent you asks before, and I love your blog. I just want to say thank you for fighting for those of us who have shitty parents, especially moms. Like, my mother has broken down once trying to apologize to me in a moment of clarity. But has she changed? No. So what does that apology really mean? Barely anything, besides like maybe just proving she knows she keeps doing the wrong thing but... She still does it.

That's why I love your right to show and have the world acknowledge Shannon's bad side. Because there are so many mother's like that. And hey, they might have moments of clarity and they might apologize and be the ones crying. But they're still the ones making decisions to hurt their own children, and they're aware of it, but they still prioritize other things over them.

IDK T, sometimes I feel so brainwashed by them that I feel like it's valid to look at a 5 year old child and tell them the world's not fair, and they won't always have true unconfitional love to hold on to (I would never ever do that, I swear) but it fucks me up to think about it, bc that's just all I know.

I'm so jealous that Christopher at least has Eddie.

Like I know I'm super lucky that at least I can manage this one kind of job and that that takes me out of this house and away from my parents for at least a few hours. I know I have that privilege. But I cannot even imagine how much worth it must have to have a father like Eddie, and a step-father figure like Buck. Those two just make my heart soar.

So yeah, that's why Buddie is so important, and representing Shannon how she really was. Because people look at all the kids and teens and adults out there who end up in bad places, scarred and drugged up, using coping mechanisms left and right and they "wonder" what is wrong with the world, when the answers are right there in front of us. We just refuse to acknowledge them.

The other day at work I was thinking about compassion and how in my head I felt it necessary to justify feeling the need it help those around me when I see I could support them??? Like, that should just be common sense at all times

This world frustrates the fucking hell out of me, to put it mildly. Thanks for always fighting the good fight, and giving yourself as well as others like me to have a place to vent, or at least feel like we have the right.

First off, I think it's a good sign that you're allowing yourself to feel those emotions. Crying is much safer, healthier way of dealing with distress compared to the plethora of alternatives. And the post-breakdown headache? Self-inflicted pain without any visible reminders or permanent marks. Your statement that your parents love you and are trying to do what’s best for you is something I, too, have struggled with throughout my life. I think my parents worry about me, and they did what they believed was “right” because they know society is not kind to people with disabilities. However, their desire to control my every move came with name-calling, and criticism, and the not-so-subtle implication that I am a burden. It has taken me MANY years to realize that their behavior is not okay just because they raised me, just because “they’re under a lot of stress”. It has taken me MANY years to shed the shame, to open up to a therapist about the things my mother says to me. It has taken me MANY years to defend myself, to acknowledge that certain patterns my parents have exhibited since childhood are not actually signs that they “love” me, but rather, signs that they never made peace with the life they were given. They can’t blame God because God doesn’t talk back, and God isn’t a physical presence they can confront, so who’s the closet target? You’re looking at her. Truth be told, when I first started discussing Shannon’s *faults*, I specifically told an anon on my blog that I was more concerned with people understanding and accepting that she simply wasn’t built to be a mother rather than point out the ways in which she was ableist. My relationship with my parents has been destroyed by my disability. That’s just the facts. They were never prepared to deal with a child who required as much help as I did (and sometimes still do), and I was left to feel lie I had “failed” them by not trying hard enough to “get better” (mind you, cerebral palsy is not the type of condition that can be improved or “fixed” through sheer determination, never mind medical intervention. No surgery, no pill can make me appear as if I’ve got “nothing wrong”.) That being said, a person does not need to have a physical limitation, or a limitation of any kind, to be born to parents who treat them poorly. There are plenty of folks out there who did their best to act as “the perfect child”, and yet it was never enough. Their parents always found something to nitpick. There are plenty of folks out there who have been rejected by their parents after coming out. There are plenty of folks whose mother and/or father left them at an early age simply because they couldn’t handle the responsibility. And I’m not talking giving a child up for adoption. I’m talking disappearing and expecting other family members to pick up the slack. My “trauma” is not more important or more severe than someone else’s. It’s just different. People need to know that their abusive/neglectful upbringing was not their fault. They need to know that there’s nothing they could have done to make their parent(s) treat them better. Most importantly, they need to know that there’s a whole lot of us who can sympathize with their pain and suffering, and we do so without the expectation that they share their deepest, darkest secrets.

If disclosing elements of my childhood has helped ONE person realize that what they went through is not “normal”, nor is it acceptable, if I’ve helped ONE person realize that they don’t need to have gone through a life-altering event to feel traumatized by their family...it’s worth every negative response I’ve gotten. Bad parents exist. Bad people exist. Put the blame where it’s due, instead of on yourselves. It’s the only way you can start to heal.

#anonymous #long post #911 discourse #(ish)#tina speaks

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thosch3i · 3 years

Text

Xiao Yuliang Interview [Eng Trans]

[Photo: XYL’s dog]

so remember this post? yeah well i wound up doing a mostly full translation of the entire 6 minute interview on twitter. some parts are paraphrased and a few details were skipped bc he sometimes repeated himself and there were one or two details i wasn’t 100% sure of, but other than that an eng transcript of the full interview is below the cut:

1. Introduce your role in "Ultimate Note"?

XYL: In Ultimate Note I play Zhang Qiling, Xiaoge.

2. What kind of impression does this character leave in your heart?

XYL: Before, I thought he was a really strong, and then a very cool, and then a very cold/detached person. But later, I finished reading the novel and read the script, and I felt like he's someone who lets your heart ache for him. The feeling he gives me--because once I was reading the script in a car, and I almost wanted to cry for him, because he's always searching for the things he's lost. And he's very strong, but he wasn't born strong; he also went through a lot, and he made himself strong. He can bleed, and he can get hurt; it's just that he doesn't say anything, and he doesn't show that he's in pain.

3. Talk about the initial pressure of receiving this role?

XYL: When I got this role, the pressure was really really big, but I also thought I was pretty lucky, because I'd played Zhang Qiling before, and I get to play him again, and I think that's pretty lucky. But the pressure is too big, on set right now, the pressure is very big.

4. Netizens were pretty satisfied with your performance; have you seen these comments?

XYL: When Sha Hai was airing, I saw their comments. Some of them approved, and I was happy, but others--like, saying some suggestions or opinions--I also looked at them. I also looked at the performances of other actors who played Zhang Qiling and comments on their performances. I used them as a reference, and I learned from the experiences/evaluations of others.

5. What was the greatest challenge of playing Zhang Qiling?

XYL: The biggest challenge is that there are too few lines. It's really hard to act! [Xiaoge] has some expressions where it's just, you can't make them too obvious or too "unrestrained" because his actions are also very restrained, but if you're too restrained then everyone just thinks you don't have any reactions. And the editors are also very hardworking, because they'll have 4 pages, and I won't have a single line, just reactions. The others will talk for 10 minutes, and I'll just be reacting. [Xiaoge] is a person with few/no words, but with his whole heart, he wants to go care for others...it's very difficult; this "no lines" is very difficult. Another thing is fight scenes are very difficult, and the weather is too hot.

6. What are some scenes that left the deepest impression on you?

XYL: Like when it's 3am, and we're running through a wild river, the water is all up to our waists, and we don't know what's underground. I was just afraid there were snakes, you know? Nothing we can do, just run. And there's also, because the filming location is at Xishuangbanna, there really are snakes. We've seen snakes etc on set, so we were afraid accidents would happen. Thankfully they didn't. And there was also when we were rubbing mud on our faces during the hot day. Actually, what we were rubbing was chocolate paste. When the chocolate on our faces dried, we spread on more, and it feels like you've become a "chocolate person", not a "mud person". I also tasted it--the BTS side clips recorded it; the taste is okay. [t/n: here is a link to that clip]

7. How did it feel working with the other actors in the crew?

XYL: Liu Yuning-laoshi [t/n: Hei Xiazi] is really nice. He doesn't have a temper, and he's a very calm and tranquil person. I think he's really nice. Xiao Xi [t/n: lit. “Little Xi”, nickname for Zeng Shunxi aka Wu Xie] is a little mischievous. Xiao Xi likes to stir up trouble on set and play around. In any case he plays around with Pangzi and me, but Liu Yuning-laoshi is more tranquil, not quite the same as [his character] in the show.

8. Before you posted a vlog caring for your pet on Weibo, why don't you introduce your pet?

XYL: My dog's name is a character I played once; my mom named him. Because we'd just finished filming that show, and then my mom got a dog, so she just called him my name in the show. Tell me, isn't that annoying? [t/n: drama was called 反骗天下/Fan Pian Tian Xia and his role was called 米若/Mi Ruo; his dog is apparently called 米诺/Mi Nuo.]

9. You've been an actor for awhile now; can you discuss what being an actor feels like?

XYL: Initially, before I became an actor, I thought, "Oh, cool". Everyday you're just, wow, holding weapons, cool! But now I think it's so hard. Especially while shooting this show, I got a sty for a month, and it's still not better even now. [t/n: you can definitely see the swelling under his eye in ep1] I think this sty is from accepting this role, or because of work. In any case, it's still not better. But it's no problem; thankfully, my hair can cover it. You also have to be careful of safety on set; real blades can slice open your hands. Once, I wasn't careful and cut my wrist, but thankfully the doctor's stitching skills were pretty good. When he was still stitching, I even said, "Doctor, you have to stitch it well, okay, I'm an actor, I use this hand to perform", and he said "Okay". After the stitches were done, he asked me, "Are you satisfied with the stitches?" The results were pretty good; it didn't really leave a scar.

10. Finally, promote this show to our fans.

XYL: You all have to watch our "Ultimate Note", because filming was really tough, and we've diligently tried to accomplish these three roles [t/n: the iron triangle, I’m assuming] and later on some of the the details of many of the books. I hope you will see similarities to the novel in some of the show's scenes.

and we are done! so yeah, i think his take on xiaoge’s character was the most important part, but some of the other stuff (listening to him complain about some things lmao) was kinda funny too. im still laughing about the whole ‘im an actor i need this hand to perform’ bit bc dude you literally sliced yourself open w a knife badly enough to need stitches but that’s your first priority???? glad you’re dedicated to your job though i guess but LOL

Quick question/answer:

1. What do you want to say to Zhang Qiling?

XYL: Xiaoge, you've worked hard.

2. Who from the show would you pick to go with you on an adventure?

XYL: I’ll choose...I'll choose Pangzi, because he'll definitely bring food. And he's fat, and he's pretty joyful, oh right, I can also bully him.

3. Describe the level of your cooking skills.

XYL: Cooking skills? The rank of instant noodles. Just boiling instant noodles, then adding the flavor packets, and then tomatoes, eggs...instant noodles.

4. If you're not restricted, what kind of role do you most want to play?

XYL: If I'm not restricted, then I want to play that guy who, in the morning, is just delivering takeout or is really well-behaved and wears glasses, that type, and then at night he pushes his hair back like this [xyl mimes pushing his hair back], and he starts to....different types...in any case, like split personalities, right, split personalities.

5. A sentence to describe your ideal life.

XYL: My family and I are healthy, and I have enough money to go live a normal life, eat/drink whatever I want, travel with my family, and just grow up slowly.

oh right additional note, in zsx's interview, when asked which character he'd take, he said xiaoge without hesitation. and the interviewer asked if he wanted to know who xiaoge picked and zsx was all "he didn't pick me did he...I'll be leaving now, thank you~" 😂

#dmbj #zjbj #ultimate note #xiao yuliang #zhang qiling #shouting into the void #i made an effort to capitalize and make some grammar corrections in english this time lol #its not perfect but like you get the point #i also think it's cute that he calls zsx xiao xi lol #on the other hand seems like zsx just calls him yuliang #translation

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