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allthehorrormovies · 3 years

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A+1 - A blend of American Pie and Scream, but surprisingly better than that sounds. Outlining the plot would give away the twist, which tips its hand early on, yet ends in a gratifying manner. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Make love, not war.

Alien - A friend remarked how this film likely wouldn’t be made today. It’s shot too dark. It’s quiet, purposefully. There’s no action for much of the first half; more a study in isolated labor and worker exploitation. And there’s not a “star,” outside of teenage dreamboat Harry Dean Stanton. Actors like Sir Ian Holm Cuthbert were selected for their ability, not their stature within Hollywood, as production took place in London. As Robert Ebert said, “These are not adventurers, but workers.” We’re lucky it was made, supposedly, in part because the success of Star Wars pushed the studio to quickly release their own space movie. 5 out of 5 pumpkins. Sigourney Weaver is the ultimate Final Girl.

Aliens - The deliberate, slow pace of Alien is replaced by James Cameron’s grandiose action, backed by four times the original budget. Like Terminator 2: Judgment Day, it’s amazing that both films avoid “the disease of more.” Cameron’s characters are too often weighed down by punch-line dialogue, but all the elements together somehow work. Ripley’s character begins to move past being a simple pilot and into a warrior woman, for better and worse. The studio originally tried to write her out of the sequel due to a contract dispute, but Cameron thankfully refused to make the film without her. There are people out there who prefer Aliens to Alien, and that’s fine. They are wrong, but that’s fine. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

Alien³ - David Fincher has famously disowned his directorial debut, citing studio deadlines for its poor quality. Compared to the first two films, it certainly is a failure. Though gorier, the scenes with the digital alien look terrible upon re-viewing. The various writers and scripts, some potentially interesting—especially William Gibson’s version, and changing cinematographers and the insertion of Fincher late into production doomed the project from the start. All that said, the movie itself isn’t terrible—parts are even good, but what feels like a midway point in Ripley’s saga is ultimately her end, and that feels cheap. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

Alien: Covenant - The maddening mistakes of Prometheus absent, this sequel is a tense, action-packed killer of a flick. Scott claims a third prequel is in the works that will tie everything back to Alien, which is . . . fine? It’s just that the first film was so great and everything else since then seems so unnecessary. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Alien Resurrection - The aliens look better than ever before, but Joss Whedon’s dialogue is simply annoying and the casting is horrible. Ripley has super powers and kills her large adult alien son. Winona Ryder decides crashing a space ship into Paris, killing untold millions, is the best way to get rid of the aliens for some reason. It’s fucking dumb and cost $70 million to make. 1 out of 5 pumpkins. In the special edition intro, director Jean-Pierre Jeunet says he didn’t change much in the re-release because he was proud of the theatrical version. Baffling.

Amer - This Belgian-French film is a tribute to the Italian tradition of giallo, a stylized, thriller told in three sections that directors like Suspiria’s Dario Argento pioneered. Mostly wordless, there’s not much plot, more a series of moments in a women’s life revolving around terrifying, sexual moments that ends in murder and madness. There are some terrific scenes, but it’s more of an art piece than movie. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

An American Werewolf in London - Funny and scary all at once, setting the bar almost impossibly high for all that followed. Rick Baker's special effects catapult this movie into greatness. 5 out of 5 pumpkins. Ebert was right, though; it doesn’t really have an ending.

Annihilation - Perhaps more of a sci-fi thriller than a horror movie. But due to some terrifying monsters scenes, I’m going to include it. Apparently writer/director Alex Garland wrote the screenplay after reading the first book in Jeff VanderMeer’s Southern Reach trilogy, giving the movie a different overall plot. Garland’s sleek style that made Ex Machina so wonderful is replaced by “The Shimmer,” which gives the film a strange glow. The ending relies too much on digital special effects that looked more gruesome in earlier segments, detracting from its intended impact. Still, a few key scenes, especially the mutated bear, are downright terror-inducing. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. I first found the constant flashbacks unnecessary, but viewed as a refraction on Portman’s mind as well as her body make them more forgiving.

The Babadook - Creepy and nearly a perfect haunted horror movie, except for some final tense moments that too quickly try to switch to sentimental, which leaves their earnestness falling flat. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Dook. Dook. Dook.

The Babysitter (2017) - One of Netflix’s original movies, this one pays off in gore and borrows heavily from Scott Pilgrim vs. the World-style jokes. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Meh. It’s cheesy and cliché, but whaddaya gonna do?

Backcountry - Don’t be fooled thinking this is like Jaws “but with a bear,” as I did. Unsympathetic characters and zero tension make this movie a drag to watch. At the start, you think, “Who cares if these assholes get eaten by a bear? They wandered into bear country without a map.” By the end, you’re actively cheering for the bear to eat the boyfriend and only a little sympathetic for the lead character. 1 out of 5 pumpkins. To her credit, Missy Peregrym does a fine job of being a mostly lone protagonist.

Basket Case - Cult director Frank Henenlotter‘s debut starts as a creepy, bloody horror movie, but staggers after showing the monster too soon and then tries to fill time with unnecessary backstory and extended scenes of screams and blood that would have otherwise been eerily good if executed more subtly. Despite not being very good, it’s at least somewhat interesting and kind of impressive considering its low budget. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

Battle Royal - I’m not convinced this is a horror movie, it’s more just a gory action flick. But hey, oh well. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Fun, but not as great as many people seem to believe.

The Beyond - Considered one of Lucio Fulci’s greatest films, it might be a bit disappointing to newcomers of his work. Certainly the style and impressive gore are at their highest, but the muddled plot and poor dubbing distract from the overall effect. Fabio Frizzi‘s score is, for the most part, a great addition, however, certain key moments have an almost circus-like tone, which dampens what should be fear-inducing scenes. It’s easy to see why some fans absolutely love this movie while some critics absolutely hate it. In the end, it’ll please hardcore horror fans, but likely bore others. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Beyond the Gates - Two estranged brothers are sucked into an all-too-real game of survival after finding a mysterious VHS board game following the disappearance of their father. The plot is fun and original, but the lead actors aren’t all that engaging and the special effects look rather outdated for a 2016 release. Still, it’s an enjoyable watch. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Black Christmas - A slasher that starts out with potential, but never gets all that scary or gory, though it’s well made. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. Margot Kidder gets a kid drunk.

Black Sheep (2006) - A hilarious, gory take on zombie sheep. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Black Sunday - The Mask of Satan (aka Black Sunday) is totally my new superhero/metal band name. If you're a fan of older horror, this one is not-to-miss. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Vengeance, vampires, Satan worship, castles, curses, and a buxom heroine, this movie is pretty damn dark for a 1960's black & white film.

The Blackcoat’s Daughter - Scores points for a couple of horrific scenes and a fairly good switcheroo, but mostly too slowly paced to capture the viewer’s attention. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Emma Roberts continues her path to being the modern Scream Queen.

The Birds - Hithcock’s film was, by no means, the first horror movie. German, Japanese, and UK directors had explored witches, demons, and the classic monsters decades earlier. But, The Birds is a landmark film, like Psycho, for pioneering a new wave of modern horror. It was, perhaps, the first time female sexuality and ecological revenge had been combined to create an unsettling tale with an ambiguous ending. And the rather graphic scenes of found corpses, combined with a minimalist score, are nearly as shocking today as when the film was first released. 5 out of 5 pumpkins.

Braindead - It's Bill Pulman and Bill Paxton in a 1980s B-horror; what more do you need? Most people won't enjoy this campy fart of nonsense, but try pulling your TV outside and getting good and drunk. Anything's good then. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. “The universe is just a wet dream."

The Brood - No where near as polished as Scanners or Videodrome, but still a creepy, well-made film. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

A Bucket of Blood - This black & white 1959 film from Roger Corman is more dark comedy than horror, but it’s a absurdly fun critique of beatnik culture written by Corman’s partner on Little Shop of Horrors. Dick Miller gives a great performance, and with a run time of about an horror, the pacing feels relatively quick for an older film. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Byzantium - The tale of two British vampires who live like wandering gypsies, setting up a low-rent brothel in a seaside town despite being immortal badasses because the all-powerful, all-male secret vampire club is trying to kill them, because . . . no girls allowed? It’s unclear. The vampires are of the more modern type—they go out during the day and receive their curse from a geological location than from one another. Still, overall the movie is better than it has to be. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Cabin Fever - Eli Roth’s directorial debut isn’t awful, but it certain could have been better considering Roth credits Carpenter’s The Thing as its inspiration. The homophobic jokes date the movie more than the alt-rock soundtrack and the repetitive scenes reminding viewers of how the mysterious disease spreads (at apparently differing rates depending on the character) during the conclusion end up creating a weird kind of plot hole. To his credit, some of the nods to The Thing are OK. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever - That Ti West made this pseudo-campy and outright bad movie during the same period that he made The House of the Devil is perplexing. The style, pace, and subtly that make The House of the Devil an enjoyable film are nonexistent in this cash-grab sequel. West apparently hated the final cut and requested his name be removed from the project. That said, I kind of like this movie better than the original. I’ve always found Roth’s praise of his directorial debut to be odd, as it’s not very good. For what it’s worth, this movie isn’t trying to be anything other than what it is: a tasteless, bad horror movie. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. Retcons the plot hole in the first movie, at least.

The Cabin in the Woods - As good of a spoof of the horror genre as one could hope. Stereotypical with an O'Henry twist at every turn, this movie is good for an afternoon viewing, much like Tucker & Dale vs Evil. Without giving much away, if you think about it, The Cabin In the Woods is like a weird PSA about how marijuana will destroy all of mankind. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Fun and gory with something for everyone.

Candyman - Decades later, it’s not as easy to see why Candyman was such a landmark movie. It’s a bit slow, stumbles in places, and some of the acting is only serviceable. However, the story itself (based on Clive Baker’s original) is—on paper at least—good. Critics at the time were rightfully hesitant to praise a movie simply for having a black villain, especially when his origin is based on racial violence, but Tony Todd’s portrayal is so terrifying it launches the character into one of the all time great horror monsters. Add in Philip Glass’s soundtrack and Candyman reigns among other classics without being a top contender. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Carrie - I saw this movie on TV a long time ago, but I had forgotten much of the film, especially the opening scene of slow motion nudity (aren't these girls supposed to be in high school?!). The remake of this movie is likely going to be bad, but the original is so good I'll probably go see it. What can be said? Pig's blood. Fire. Religious indoctrination. Sexual overtones. There's a reason Brain de Palma's version of Steven King's story became so culturally important. 5 out of 5 pumpkins. This movie holds up, even today.

Carrie (2013) - Though nothing is glaringly bad, and the added back-story decently pulled off by Julian Moore as the mother, almost every scene is a shadow of the original. Which is unfortunate considering that the remake of Let The Right One In managed to find a somewhat more unique tone. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. Largely unnecessary.

The Changeling - George C. Scott does a fine job as a mourning husband haunted by an unfamiliar spirit. Not the most exciting movie, but pretty decent. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. It might’ve ranked higher, but there are no half stars here. 

Cheerleader Massacre - This movie looks like someone shot it in their backyard with an earl 90s handheld camcorder . . . in high school. This is just embarrassing, for me too. The actors seem to be exotic dancers or adult film stars, who haven’t been asked back for a shift in a while. Alright, I skipped through this because the quality was so low. At around minute 41 there's a bathtub scene with three naked women, which culminates in one licking chocolate sauce off each other’s breasts. Some people die. Two of the naked women survive, I think. The house they all go to in the beginning of the movie - a ski lodge, I guess - burns down, or doesn't. Whatever. 0 out of 5 pumpkins. Just watch actual porn.

Child’s Play - While only OK, I understand how this became a franchise. Melted Chucky is terrifying. The villain can hop from vessel to vessel, unfortunately through some kind of voodoo racist bullshit. The characters are shallow, but serviceable. For such a big budget movie, it’s weird that it ends so abruptly. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Children of the Corn - Damn, this movie is boring. Linda Hamilton does the World's Least Sexy Birthday Striptease. The characters are joking quite a bit having just run over a child, whose dead body is rattling around in the trunk. What was the casting call like for this movie? "Wanted: Ugly children. Must look illiterate." All in all, things turn out pretty good for our protagonists. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. For something that spurred at least five other movies, this was remarkably uninspiring.

City of the Living Dead - The dialogue is awkward and the plot a bit convoluted, but the special effects hold up and the overall story is good. The first of Lucio Fulci’s Gates of Hell trilogy. Apparently when the movie was screened in L.A., Fulci was booed. 3 of 5 pumpkins. Poor Bob the Simple Pervert.

Climax - Gaspar Noé is known for making viewers feel as uncomfortable possible with his experimental style film making. Which is fine. But that discomfort rarely lands to move me outside the initial shock. Climax is, surprisingly, more like a Suspiria remake than the actual 2018 remake. That, however, doesn’t make it good. The really shocking moments aren’t all that shocking and the cultural commentary isn’t very deep. It’s not a bad movie, it’s just, well, unnecessary. The dance scenes are extraordinary, so at least it’s got that going for it. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

Color Out of Space - An enjoyable, albiet uneven, film that does a lot with little. A head-trip type of home invasion movie that pulls you in. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

The Conjuring - It’s easy to see why so many people love this movie. It’s well-acted, it has jump-out-of-your-seat scares, and incorporates several classic fear elements. Considering the mediocre, at best, tiredly worn horror movies that slump to torture porn for shock value coming out recently, The Conjuring stands above its peers. Still, there’s nothing original about the movie. 3 out 5 pumpkins.

The Conjuring 2 - Billed as more shocking than the original, this sequel likely lands better in theaters with it’s jump-cut scares and action flick sequences. On the home screen, however, the overly dramatic elements are too far flung to seem like a haunting based on true events. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

Creep (2014) - Nails the P.O.V. angle without going too far down the overly-used “found footage.” Mark Duplass is terrifying and without his ability to carry the film, the entire concept could have easily fallen flat. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Creep 2 - Mark Duplass pleasantly surprises with a sequel that, while not as *ahem* creepy as the first, builds out the world of his serial killer in a manner that is engaging and ends with the potential for more. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Crimes of Passion - Technically it’s an “erotic thriller,” but given Ken Russell in the director’s chair and Anthony Perkins as the villain, I’m adding it to this list. Unfortunately, it’s not a great film. Kathleen Turner surpasses over acting in some scenes, and the rest of the cast is pretty forgettable. If the plot revolved around Perkins’s character, it might have been more of a horror flick. Instead revolves around loveless marriage and the fucked up issues of sexuality in America, attempting to say . . . something, but never really making a point. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. Russell has got an obsession with death dildos. I don’t know what to do with that information. Just an observation.

Crimson Peak - Guillermo del Toro is a complicated director. He’s created some truly remarkable films, but has also created some borderline camp. Crimson Peak splits the difference, much in the same way Pacific Rim does. If you’re a deep fan of a particular genre, in this case Victorian-era romance, then the movie can be an enjoyable addition to the category with its own voice. If you’re not, then the movie’s more eye-roll-inducing moments are less a nod to fandom and more of an uninvited addition to what could be a straight forward film. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. Beautiful, but lacking.

Cronos - This del Toro film is a must-see for any fan of his current work. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Even if you're not usually a fan of foreign films, you'll likely appreciate this modern take on the vampire mythology.

Dagon - To be honest, I feel like I should watch this one again. It’s a bit of a jumbled mess, but there are some wacky, gory moments at the end. Similar in tone and style to Dead and Buried. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. Seriously, like the last 20 minutes cram so much plot it’s just a series of wtf moments until hitting incest and then nothing really matters.

Darling - Well shot in beautiful black and white with an excellence score, Darling really should receive a better score. However, it fails to be more than the sum of its parts. Borrowing liberally from Kubrick’s one-point perspective and Polanski’s Repulsion in nearly every other way, the film is decent, but fumbles in deciding whether to convince the audience of a clear plot, leaving viewers with closure, yet unsatisfied. Still, worth viewing. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Daughters of Darkness - A Belgian/French erotic vampire film that isn’t as erotic or vampiric as one might hope. Still, legend Delphine Seyrig shines so brightly, it’s catapults are relatively boring film into near greatness. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Dawn of the Dead - The best zombie movie ever made. 5 out of 5 pumpkins.

Day of the Dead - George A. Romero’s end to a near-perfect trilogy isn’t as good as its predecessors, but it’s gorier and somehow more depressing, even with the ending. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

Dead and Burried - Starts with a bang, but lags in the middle. The ending tries too hard to surprise you, yet, by the time it’s over you kind of don’t care. Surprisingly well acted and good, creepy tale. Might not be everyone’s bag, but if you’re a tried-and-true horror fan, you’ll enjoy the movie. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Fun fact: The movie was written by Dan O’Bannon, famed for writing Alien. O’Bannon worked with John Carpenter on a short in film school, quit being a computer animator on Star Wars to be a screenwriter, and became broke and homeless after attaching himself to Jodorowsky’s doomed Dune. He later went on to direct The Return of The Living Dead and write Total Recall.

Dead Snow - A Nazi zombie bites off a dude's dick. Do you really need any other details? 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Germans be crazy.

Dead Snow 2: Red vs Dead - Not as good as its predecessor, but still fun. Plus, more children die. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Why all the gay jokes, though?

Death Bed: The Bed That Eats - OK, my first nit-pick is that the bed doesn’t eat people so much as it dissolves people. But it still makes chewing sounds? Whatever. A bizarre concept that swings for seriousness and utterly fails due to its lack of plot and extremely low budget. Kinda of weird, but ultimately pretty boring. 1 out of 5 pumpkins.

Death Spa - Hilariously bad. Super 80s. I can’t say this is a good film, but I would recommend watching it for the kitsch value. What if a ghost haunted a gym? Instant money maker. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. Fun fact: the project came about due to shepherding from Walter Shenson, who got rich producing A Hard Day’s Night and Help!, and the lead actor, who plays a gym manager, was an actual gym manager in L.A. at the time.

Deathgasm - Imagine if Scott Pilgrim vs. the World was about a New Zealand metal band and not as good, but still pretty OK. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Deep Red (aka Profondo Rosso, aka The Hatchet Murders) - Dario Argento’s 1975 film is more polished than 1977′s Suspiria, which is a bit surprising. However, that doesn’t necessarily make it a better film. Where Suspirira’s fever dream colors and superior soundtrack, also by Goblin, shines, Deep Red doesn’t quite land. The camera work here is better, though, as is much of acting. But there’s a lot of let downs, such as the opening psychic bowing out and never really coming up again, the boorish male lead and oddly timed humor, and the final reveal, which is anti-climatic. Still, an overall great horror movie. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

Def by Tempation - I really enjoyed this film, despite it not being the most skillful directed or the most incredible script. The plot is compelling, the jokes are pretty funny, and the angles and lighting are really well done despite the limited budget. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Admittedly, Kadeem Hardison nostalgia helps.

Demons - Multiple people recommended this to me, and I can see why considering the Dario Argento connection. Unfortunately, the premise is more exciting than the execution. Poorly acted and poorly dubbed, the gore doesn’t do enough to hold one’s attention. There’s a scene where a guy rides around on a dirt bike killing demons with a samurai sword. At least that happens. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. Is the ticket-taker in on it? She works in the demon theater, right? So, why is she being hunted? Also, where the fuck did the helicopter come from?

The Descent - Some of Earth’s hottest, most fit women embark on a spelunking adventure with a recently traumatized friend. Aside from a couple of lazy devices that put the team in greater peril than necessary, the movie quickly and cleverly puts the cavers into a horrifying survival scenario that few others in the genre have matched. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Without giving too much away, be sure you get the original, unrated cut before watching this flick.

The Devil’s Backbone - Though del Toro’s debut, Cronos, is more original and imaginative, this is much more honed. Not necessarily frightening, but tense and dreadful through out, laying open the horror war inflicts on all it touches. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

The Devil’s Candy - More of a serial killer thriller than a horror, but the supernatural elements raise this movie to better-than-average heights. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. The real lesson is this movie is that cops won’t save you, ONLY METAL CAN SAVE YOU!

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark - The biggest upside to this movie is that it was produced by Guillermo del Toro. The biggest downside is that it's not directed by Guillermo del Toro. Still, the director gets credit for making a child the main character; never an easy task. To the little girl's credit, she's a better actor than Katie Holmes, no surprise, and Guy Pierce. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. With a bit more gore and stylistic pauses, this could have been a 4. This movie proves why killing kids is more fun than kids who kill, and also that every male protagonist in every horror movie is dumb dick.

Don’t Look Now - Well-acted and interesting, Nicolas Roeg’s adaptation is a high-water mark of the 1970s premier horror. The only real complaint is that the ending—while good and obviously ties it all together—is nonsensical. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Donald Sutherland fucks.

Event Horizon - “This ship is fucked.” “Fuck this ship!” “Where we’re going, we don’t need eyes to see.” These are quotes from, and also the plot of, Event Horizon. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. The most disturbing part of the whole production might be Sam Neil’s attempt to be a sexual icon.

The Evil Dead - Though The Shining is the best horror movie ever made, The Evil Dead is my favorite. Funny, creepy, well-shot on a shoestring budget, it's the foundation for most modern horror flicks, more so than Night of the Living Dead in some fashions. See it immediately, if you haven't. 5 out of 5 pumpkins. Bruce fuckin' Campbell.

Evil Dead (2013) - Not entirely bad, and even takes the original plot in more realistic places, like the character having to detox. But is that what we really need? The fun of the original is its low budget, odd humor, and DIY grit. I guess if you really want a “darker” version, it’s this. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. Better than The Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake, about as good as the Carrie remake, I guess.

Evil Dead II - I have to respect Sam Raimi because it’s like he got more budget and did everything possible to try and make this movie suck just as a fuck you to the studio. All the creepy parts of the original are over-the-top, there’s zero character development—just faces on a stage, and it’s seemingly a crash-grab to set up Army of Darkness more than anything else. That said, it’s kind of boring outside of a couple gory scenes. It’s fun, but not that funny. It’s scary, but more gauche than anything. An exercise in excess, yet a decent one somehow. My biggest complaint is that Evil Dead is great with Bruce Campbell, but would have been good with almost anyone; whereas Evil Dead II is only good because it’s Bruce Campbell. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Elvira: Mistress of the Dark - This movie is nothing but puns and tit jokes. But clever ones! Pretty okay with that. Or maybe it's a statement on third-wave feminism in spoof form? Probably not. At one point an old people orgy breaks out at a small town morality picnic, but it's a PG-13 movie so it doesn't get very fun. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Boooooooooobs.

Elvira's Haunted Hills - A pretty disappointing follow-up to what was a fun, 1980s romp. Instead of poking fun at uptight Protestants, Elvira’s just kind of a dick to her servant. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. Even the boob jokes are flat.

The Endless - More sci-fi than horror, and not the most deftly produced, still an original concept that’s pulled off well. 3 out 5 pumpkins. Maybe this should get a higher ranking. It’s good! Not exactly scary, but good.

Equinox - Decided to give another older Criterion Collection film a try. Though there are some clever tricks in the movie, especially for its time -- like an extended cave scene that's just a black screen -- the poor sound, monsters that look children's toys, and general bad acting drag this movie down to nothing but background noise that's easy to ignore. 1 out of 5 pumpkins. Whatever contributions this movie may have made to the industry, its not worth your time unless studying for a film class.

Excision - Less of an outright horror movie and more of a disturbing tale of a young necrophiliac, the film tries its best to summon the agnst of being a teen, but falls short of better takes, like Teeth. Still, pretty good. Traci Lords is great and John Waters plays a priest. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

The Exorcist - The slow pace and attention to character backstory is more moving than the shocking scenes you've no doubt heard about, even if you haven't seen the film. The pacing is slow compared to most movies today, but the drawn out scenes, like in Rosemary's Baby, help convey the sense of dread. 5 out of 5 pumpkins. Believe.

Eyes Without a Face - One of the more remarkable things about this French 1960′s near-masterpiece is how carefully it walked the line between gore and taboo topics in order to pass European standards. The villain isn’t exactly sympathetic, but carries at least some humanity, giving the story a more realistic, and therefore more frightening quality. The only, only thing that holds this film back is the carnivalesque soundtrack that could have been foreboding. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. A must watch for any horror fan.

The Fly - Cronenberg's fan-favorite film is delightful, though it’s not as great as Scanners or Videodrome, in my humble opinion. Jeff Goldblum is, of course, terrific. If you haven’t seen it, see it! 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Where’d he get the monkey, though? Seems like it’d be hard to just order a monkey. The 80s were wild, man.

The Fog - A rare miss for John Carpenter’s earlier work. There’s nothing outright wrong or bad about this movie, but it’s not particularly scary and the plot is rather slow. That said, it’s soundly directed. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. If you’re a Carpenter fan, it’s still worth watching.

Forbidden World - Another Roger Corman cult classic, this one made immediately after the much larger budget Galaxy of Terror, mostly because Corman had spent so much on the first set (designed by James Cameron) and thought of a way to make another low-budget flick with a much smaller cast and recycled footage from Battle Beyond the Stars. Even more of a complete rip-off of Alien, with some Star Wars and 2001: A Space Odyssey bit sprinkled in. Perhaps because it’s far less serious and revels in its pulp, it’s somehow better than Galaxy of Terror, which is more ambitious—you know, for a Corman b-movie. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. No worm sex scene, though.

Frankenhooker - Frank Henenlotter‘s 1990 black comedy is over-the-top in almost every way, perhaps best encapsulated by the introduction of Super Crack that makes sex workers, and one hamster, explode. But with a title like Frankenhooker, you get what you expect. Hell, it even manages to sneak in an argument for legalizing prostitution. If you’re a fan of zany, exploitation in the vein of Re-Animator, you’ll enjoy it. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Friday the 13th - Terrifically balanced between campy and creepy, with a soundtrack that’s twice as good as it needs to be. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Worth watching every year.

The Frighteners - Michael J. Fox, everyone! Robert Zemeckis & Peter Jackson - ugh. It didn't even take 20 minutes for the racial stereotypes to kick in. Unlike the trope of youth in most horror movies, everyone in this movie looks old. Holy shit, did anyone else remember Frank Busey was in this movie? Michael J. Fox is a bad driver in this movie. He was also in a car accident that gave him supernatural sense. Jokes. Apparently they tried to make it look like this movie was shot in the Midwestern United States, but it was filmed in New Zealand. It's clearly a coastal or water based mountain town, in like dozens of shots. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Cheesy without being completely campy, it's also family friendly. If this were any other genre, this would likely be a two.

From Beyond - Stewart Gordon’s follow-up to Re-Animator isn’t as fun, even with some impressively gory special effects. Viewers are throw into a story with little regard for character, which doesn’t really matter, but is still a bit of a left down when you find yourself wondering how a BDSM-inclined psychiatrist builds a bomb from scratch. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. It’ll stimulate your pineal gland!

Funny Games (2007) - A fairly straightforward home invasion horror achieves greatness thanks to Michael Haneke‘s apt directing and powerful performances by Naomi Watts and Michael Pitt. Like with Psycho, some of the most horrifying parts are what comes after. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. The fourth wall breaking is an odd touch, but thankfully and surprisingly doesn’t distract.

The Fury - Brian De Palma’s follow-up to Carrie is a major let down. Despite a fairly charismatic Kirk Douglas and score by John Williams, the two-hour run time drags and drags. Attempting to combine horror and an action-thriller, the film waffles between genres without ever rising above either. 1 out of 5 pumpkins. It’s not explicitly bad; just a bore to watch.

Galaxy of Terror - Roger Corman produced this movie as was to try and capitalize off the success of Alien, but even with that shallow motivation it’s better than it needed to be. Staring Erin Moran of Happy Days fame and celebrated actor Ray Walston, Galaxy of Terror has an uneven cast, made all the more puzzling by Sid Haig. Though “the worm sex scene” is likely the reason it achieved cult status, James Cameron’s production is top-notch and was clearly the foundation for his work on Aliens. The ending even hints at the future of Annihilation. Does all this make it a good movie? Not really, but it’s not terrible either. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

Get Out - A marvelous debut for Jordan Peele, who—given his comedy background—was able to land some downright chilling moments alongside some mostly well-timed jokes. Unfortunately, not all of them as well timed, especially the drop-in moments with the lead character’s TSA buddy. Peele originally had the film end less optimistically, but wanted audiences to ultimately walk away feeling good. Maybe not the most artistic choice, but certainly the smart one given the film’s acclaim. It’s easy to see why Get Out has cemented itself alongside The Stepford Wives as a smart, “in these times” commentary about society, but it’s also just a really well-paced, well-shot, well-acted film. With two other horror projects immediately set, it’ll be exciting to see just how much Peele will add to the genre. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. America’s worst movie critic, Armond White, said Get Out was “an Obama movie for Tarantino fans” as if that was a bad thing. Idiot.

Ginger Snaps - A delightfully playful but still painful reminder of what it was like being a teenager while still being a gore-fest. A must for anyone who was emo. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Out by sixteen or dead on the scene.

A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night - An almost flawless picture. 5 out of 5 pumpkins. Bonus: nearly everyone in this movie is insanely hot.

Green Room - Surviving a white supremacist rally in the Pacific Northwest is no joke. The region is the unfortunate home to violently racist gangs, clinging to the last shreds of ignorant hate. Though fading, some of the movements mentioned in the movie, like the SHARPs, are grounded in recent history. Mainly a gory survival-flick, the movie sneaks in some surprisingly tone-appropriate humor. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. No one’s island band should be Misfits.

A Ghost Story (2017) - Yes, this isn’t a horror. It’s a drama. Don’t care; including it anyway. It’s unnerving in the way that it makes you consider your own mortality and the lives of the people who you’ve touched, and how all of that won’t last as long as an unfeeling piece of furniture or the wreckage of home soon forgot. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Ghostbusters (1984) - “It’s true. This man has no dick.” 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

Halloween (1978) - One of the best openings of any horror film. John Carpenter is a genius. 5 out of 5 pumpkins.

Halloween (2018) - Eh. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Hardware - A very unhelpful Marine brings home some post-apocalyptic trash that tries to kill him and his girlfriend, who could absolutely do better than him. Horribly shot and nonsensical, it doesn’t push the boundaries of filth or gore its cult fans adore. 1 out of 5 pumpkins. Do not recommend.

The Haunting (1963) - Not exactly the scariest of movies, but damn well made and just dripping with gay undertones. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Theo is queen femme daddy and we are all here for it.

Haunting on Fraternity Row - The acting is surprisingly decent, but the supernatural elements don’t even start until halfway into the movie, which begins as a sort of handheld, POV style conceit and then abandons all pretense of that set up. 1 out of 5 pumpkins. Not at all scary, but maybe it will make you nostalgic for frat parties, cocaine, and failed threesomes. So.

The Haunting of Julia - Apparently parents in 1970s Britain didn't receive proper Hymlic maneuver treatment, which perhaps made for an epidemic of dead children. As promising as that premise might be, an hour into this movie and there hasn't been any actual haunting. There's a stylish gay best friend (he owns a furniture store) and a dumb dick of an ex-husband, a scene of library research, mistaken visions, etc. All the standards are here, except for the haunting parts. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. Well shot but absolutely boring, this is more about a woman's struggle with depression than a horror flick.

Head Count - A great premises that falters in key moments, making the sum of its parts less than its promising potential. For example, there’s no reason to show a CGI monster when you’ve already established its a shape-shifter, the scariest part is that they could be anybody! 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

Hellbound: Hellraiser II - I really dislike this movie, not because it’s especially bad, but because it’s a lazy continuation of the first film. Yes, there are a couple of scenes that are squeamishly good, but it spends too much time rehashing the plot of the first and then ending in some grandiose other dimension that has not real impact. Part of the terrifying elements of the first is that the horror is confined to one room in one house. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. It really only gets this many pumpkins because of the mattress scene.

Hellraiser - Truly the stuff nightmares are made of. It’s easy to see why this film became a cult-classic and continues to horrify audiences. That said, the plot is a bit simplistic. Not that the plot is the heart of the film; the objective is for viewers to experience squeamish body mutilation and overall dread, and in that regard it truly delivers. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

Hereditary - Toni Collette is a treasure in this dramatic horror about family and loss. Though the truly terrifying bits take too long to ramp up, resulting in a jumbled conclusion, the film is engrossing. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

Hocus Pocus - Admittedly, this movie isn’t very good. But its nostalgic charm and constant virgin jokes earns it a higher ranking that it deserves. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. “Max likes your yabbos. In fact, he loves them.”

Honeymoon - Often described as a modern twist on Rosemary’s Baby, this debut from promising director Leigh Janiak takes its time before getting truly creepy. Though there are some gruesome moments, the tense feeling is bound to the two leads, who are able to keep a lingering sense of dread alive without much else to play off. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

The Host - I was skeptical of this Korean movie based on the sub-par visual affects, but the script, actors, and cinematography were all much better than expected. A genre-bender, as my friend who recommended it described, you'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll cringe. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. If you're a fan of movies like Slither, you'll love this movie.

Hot Fuzz - Second in Three Flavours Cornetto and probably the worst, but still a great movie that gets better on repeat viewing. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

House - A part of the Critereon Collection, this 1977 Japanese movie is a trip and a half that follows the untimely demise of some school girls going to visit their friend's aunt, who turns out to be a witch who eats unwed women. One of the girls is named Kung-Fu and spiritually kicks a demon cat painting until blood pours out everywhere. I guess this is kind of a spoiler, but the movie is such a madcap, magna-influenced experiment there's nothing that can really ruin the experience. Like most anime, this movie also ends with an unnecessary song that drags on for far too long. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. I guess this movie influenced a lot of future work, which make sense. Still, most people would consider this a 1 as it's nearly impossible to follow.

The House at the End of the Street - I only decided to watch this movie because Jennifer Lawrence is in it. This isn't even a real horror movie. It's a serial killer movie with a few thriller moments. My standards are low at this point. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. It's a PG-13 movie, so instead of outright showing you some boobs there's just long, awkwardly placed frames of Jennifer Lawrence in a white tank-top. Oh, America.

The House of the Devil - Though an on-the-nose homage to 70s satanic slow-burns, this Ti West feature moves at a decent pace toward the slasher-like ending, making it better than most of movies it pays tribute to. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

The House on Sorority Row - A cookie-cutter college slasher that ends abruptly for no real reason considering how long it sets up its premise. Nothing awful, but nothing original. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

Housebound - A fun, Kiwi flick that nicely balances a bit of horror with humor with a strong performance by Morgana O'Reilly. Though the plot takes a couple unnecessary twits towards the end, the gore kicks up and leaves you with a satisfying ending. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

The Howling - Released the same year as American Werewolf in London, this movie isn’t very good, but it is entertaining. Apparently audiences and critics thought it was funny. Maybe because it makes fun of that Big Sur lifestyle? I dunno. Dick Miller is the best thing in this movie, outside of the special effects. No idea why it spawned several follow ups. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. Honestly, why not just lean into The Gift and join The Colony—nice surroundings, sultry nympho, regeneration ability. Some people can’t appreciate nice things.

Humanoids from the Deep - A cult favorite from the Roger Corman camp that borrows heavily from Creature from the Black Lagoon and a bit from Jaws. Initially very well done by director Barbara Peeters, but ultimately released much to her distaste. Peeters shot grisly murder scenes of the men, but used off camera and shadows to show the creatures raping the women. Corman and the editor didn’t think there was enough campy nudity. So they tapped Jimmy T. Murakami and second unit director James Sbardellati to reshoot those scenes, unknown to the cast, and then spliced the more exploitative elements back in for the final version, including a shower scene where it’s abundantly clear a new, more busty actress stands in for actual character. It’s unfortunate Peeters’ creation was essentially stolen from her, as it could have been a more respected film. I mean, how many horror flicks could weave in the economic struggle of small town bigots against a young native man trying save salmon populations? That said, the cut we got is pervy romp that’s still a boat-load of b-movie fun. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. James Horner on the score.

The Hunger - First off, David fucking Bowie. Not to be outdone, Susan Sarandon and Catherine Deneuve are absolute knock-outs. Horror stories are often rooted in the erotic, often the unknown or shameful aspects of ingrained morality manifested in the grotesque and deadly. When done positively and well, it can be a powerful device. It’s a shame more recent horror movies don’t move beyond the teen-to-college-year characters for their sexual icons, too often used as sacrificial lambs, because mature sexuality can be far more haunting. As we age our connections to the meaning of love grow deeper and more complex; immorality does not offer the same luster. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Damn impressive for a first major film. Fun fact: Tony Scott wanted to adapt Interview with the Vampire, but MGM gave him The Hunger instead. It bombed and he went back to making commercials. Then Jerry Bruckheimer got him to direct Top Gun, which made $350M.

Hush - Though the masked stranger, home invasion plot is well-worn, this movies provides just enough shifts to keep things interesting and frightening. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Watch out, Hot John!

I Am the Pretty Thing that Lives in the House - With only an hour and a half run time, this film still drags. Part of that is deliberate. The foundation of the film is its atmosphere and the lingering uneasiness that it wishes audiences to dwell in. But by the end, you’re left with nothing more than a simple, sad story. It’s similar to the feeling of overpaying for a nice-looking appetizer and never getting a full meal. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

The Initiation - This movie has every 80s hour cliché necessary: minimalist synth soundtrack, naked co-eds, looming POV shots, hunky Graduate professor, escaped psychiatric patients, prophecy nightmares, and creepy a child. Yes, everything but actual horror. An hour into the horror movie and only one person has died. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. There is no point to this movie, unless you're a huge fan of the princess in Space Balls.

The Innkeepers - The second of Ti West’s two well-received horror originals before he set out for TV and found-footage anthologies, The Innkeepers may not get as much love as The House of the Devil, but should. The dual-leads (Sara Paxton and Pat Healy) are more fun to watch than Jocelin Donahue‘s performance and the tone more even-set throughout the film. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

The Innocents - Reportedly Martin Scorsese’s favorite horror movie, it’s easy to see how big of an impact it had on the genre (especially The Others) with sweeping camera angles, slow but still haunting pace, and remarkable sound design. Perhaps it’s not as well-received by modern viewers, but it’s no doubt a classic. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

Intruder (1989) - An enjoyable slasher flick from long-time Sam Raimi collaborator Scott Spiegel that takes places in a grocery store after hours that doesn’t try to do too much or take itself too seriously and features some over-the-top gore. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. “I’m just crazy about this store!”

Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956) - A terrific example of how to build paranoid fear. That its political allegory can be interpreted on both sides of McCarthyism makes it all the better. 5 out of 5 pumpkins. Original ending, ftw.

Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978) - A rare remake that’s almost as good as the original. Terrific use of San Fransisco as a setting, Goldblum Goldblum’ing it up, solid pacing—great film! 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Plus, nudity!

The Invitation - More of a tense drama until the final moments, this film deserves praise for holding viewers’ attention for so long before the horror tipping point. Further details could spoil the story, but like many tales in the genre the lesson here is always trust your gut. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Ugh, Californians.

It (2017) - Stephen King’s nearly 1,200 page 1986 national bestseller captures the attention of readers for a number of reason: it’s coming-of-age story is horrific even without supernatural elements, it’s cast of characters resemble classic American archetypes from many of King’s other works, and its adaptation into a four hour mini-series staring Tim Curry as Pennywise in 1990 has haunted the imaginations of children for decades. Unfortunately, like the mini-series, the movie fails to deliver the long, unsettling moments that make the novel so thrilling. King’s story is a cocaine-fueled disaster that throws everything and the kitchen sink at viewers when compressed onto the screen. The truly terrifying elements of the book lose their impact when delivered one after another without time to feel personally connected to each character. The genius of It is the paranormal evil’s ability to hone in on a person’s darkest fears. Without deep empathy for all of The Losers, the individualized psychological torture is muted when reduced to jump-cuts. For what it’s worth, the film does its best with a jumble of sub-plots and the Pennywise origin story, but as the tone bounces from wide shots of small town Maine and the painful trauma of abuse to titled zooms of CGI monsters and an over-the-top soundtrack, something is lost. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Publishing office, 1985: “So, wait. The kids fuck?” the editor asks, disgusted. King vacuums another white rail into his nasal cavity. “Huh?! Oh. Yeah, sure. I guess. Does that happen? Jesus, I’m so fucked up right now. What day is it? What were you saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It’s like, love is the opposite of fear, bridge to adulthood or something. Do you have any booze around here?”

It Comes At Night - More utterly depressing than terrifying and a reminder that the greatest horror we’ll likely ever face is simply the limits of our own humanity. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

It Follows - An uncomfortable and honest take on how sexuality is intertwined with the horror myth. One for the ages. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. The real terror is HPV.

Jaws - A masterpiece that’s too easily remembered for its cultural impact than artist merit. 5 out of 5 pumpkins. R.I.P. Chrissie Watkins, you were a free spirit as wild as the wind.

The Killing of a Sacred Deer - Yorgos Lanthimos‘s follow up to The Lobster isn’t as well done, but the wide shots, odd lines, and increasingly bizzare build-up are all present. The finale is near perfect, but takes a bit too long to reach. I’d really like to give this film a higher score, but alas: 3 out of 5 pumpkins. There’s nothing wrong, yet something is missing.

Kiss of the Damned - There are handful of potential interesting scenes and the internal drama of a vampire family is a potentially the foundation for a good film. Despite this, Xan Cassavetes’s film never manages to actually be all that interesting. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. There’s nothing terrible here, but also nothing remarkable.

Knock Knock - Two hotties do my man Keanu dirty. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. Eli Roth is a better actor than director.

The Lair of the White Worm - A campy demon flick from Altered States director Ken Russell. Staring Hugh Grant, Peter Capaldi, and Amanda Donohoe, the plot is loosely based on Bram Stroker’s last novel, which has a few similarities to H. P. Lovecraft's novella The Shadow Over Innsmouth, which was made into the Spanish film Dagon. Very British all around, a bit like Hot Fuzz meets Clue, this could have been played straight and potentially been scary, but Russell didn’t intend to be serious. A topless snake demon wearing a death strap-on to sacrafice a virgin can’t be taken as *cinema* after all. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Not great film by any stretch, but pretty fun!

Lake Mungo - Presented as a made-for-TV type of mystery documentary, this could have really turned out poorly. Despite some unnecessary plot additions, this movie really stuck with me. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Sadder than you might expect.

The Langoliers - Balki Bartokomous is the villain in this made-for-TV special. He is terrible and the rest of the cast is packed with 90s no-name actors and a child actor that might as well be the blind version of a kid Liz Lemon. You know how Stephen King writes himself into every. single. story? In this case it's not even as a plot device, it's just a character to fill space like an obvious oracle. In the book, the character tearing paper is a subtle, unsettling mannerism you assume happens quietly in the background, but because television writers treat their audiences like distracted five year-olds, this action becomes a reoccurring focus with no point or context. One of the best parts about the book was imagining the wide, empty space of the Denver airport. Of course, shutting down an entire airport would be expensive, so most of the interactions take place in a single terminal, which is just as boring as being stuck at the airport yourself. Two 1994-era Windows screen savers eat Balki at the end, then, like, all of reality, maaaaaaaan. The more I think about it, this story might have been the unconscious basis for a strong Salvia freak out I once had. 1 out of 5 pumpkins. Dear male, white writers, we all know that no one actually fucks writers in real life - that's why you're all so angry. Stop creating these protagonists equipped with impossible pussy-magnets. Stop. Staaaaaaaahp.

The Last House of the Left - Wes Craven’s debut isn’t much of a horror, but a revenge tale that contains no build up or sense of dread, but an immediate and unrelenting assault of its characters and the audience. It’s well-made, and the rape revenge tale is older than Titus Andronicus, but that doesn’t mean it’s something worth viewing. There’s no joy; it’s Pink Flamingos without the camp. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. No doubt impactful, but really best viewed as a piece of history with a critical eye and not for entertainment.

The Legend of Hell House - A well made haunted house film that holds up forty years later. Pamela Franklin, playing a medium, carries much of the movie. Her foil, the physicist, is a strange character. He apparently believes people, and even dead bodies, can manifest surreal, electromagnetic energies, but not in “surviving personalities.” Yet, he still orders this giant “reverse energy” machine to “drain” the house of its evil before they even set out to research house. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Dangerous diner parties, the insatiable Mrs. Barret, mirrored ceilings and kick ass Satan statues everywhere - this house seems pretty great, actually.

The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires - A blast to watch, but not truly great. Unfortunately, I’ve only seen the edited version (The 7 Brothers Meet Dracula) that mixes up the beginning for no real reason and wonder how much better the original cut might be. Still, vampires! Kung Fu! Peter Cushing! 3 out of 5 pumpkins. 

Let the Right One In - Beautiful and terribly haunting. 5 out of 5 pumpkins. Likely the best horror movie this generation will get.

Let Me In - Surprising good. Unnecessary, yes. But still good. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Fun fact: I once watched an *ahem* found copy of Matt Reeves‘s Dawn of the Planet of the Apes without the ape subtitles and thought it was a brave choice to make the audience sympathize with the common humanity among our species. I was also pretty high.

Life After Beth - Jeff Baena‘s horror comedy features a terrific Aubrey Plaza, but Dane DeHaan’s character leaves a lot to be desired. It seems like the film is trying to save something about life, love, and family, but never finds its voice. A fine, funny movie to watch on a rainy afternoon. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

Lifeforce - Directed by Tobe Hooper (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre) and written by Dan O'Bannon (Alien) is a film the suffers from “the disease of more.” The entire concept of space vampires is rad as hell, but a $25 million budget and a 70 mm production couldn’t save what ends up being a boring trod and a jumbled ending that somehow makes major city destruction tiring. Though, to be fair, this was well before Independence Day. Colin Wilson, author of the original source material, said it was the worst movie he has ever seen. I wouldn’t go that far, but during a special 70 mm screening, the theater host chastised the audience in advance to not make fun of the movie during the showing because it was “a great film.” Reader, it is not. But Mathilda May looks real good naked and there are a couple cool, gory shots. So, there’s that. I guess. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. Patrick Stewart is in this for all of like 10 minutes, but is still listed as a main character.

The Lighthouse - From The Witch’s Robert Eggers, this film is objectively a great work of art. Brooding, stark, and compelling performances from Willem Dafoe and Robert Pattinson—all the elements add up into a unique and disturbing experience. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. All that said, in the same way I consider Death Spa a 2 pumpkin movie you should see, this is a 4 pumpkin movie you could probably skip. It’s not entertaining in the traditional sense, and likely not one you’d want to really ever see again. The Eggers brothers made something weirdly niche and it’s fine if it stays that way.

Little Evil - A serviceable comedy that isn’t all that scary or even gory, which is a disappointment considering Eli Craig’s Tucker & Dale vs. Evil was so good. There are a few nods to famous horror movies that make a handful of scene enjoyable, but otherwise it’s purely background material. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

Little Monsters - A Hulu original that’s pretty fun, if ultimately standing on the shoulders of giants like George A. Romero and Edgar Wright. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

A Lizard in a Woman's Skin - Lucio Fulci’s erotic mystery starts out with groovy sex parties and hallucinations, but quickly gets dull in the middle with extended scenes of psychological assessment, only to wind up where we all started. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

The Lodge - A good exercise in isolation horror that, while a bit slow, ratchets up the tension and horror with each act. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Damn kids.

The Lost Boys - A fun, campy 80s vampire flick you’ve likely heard of or even seen. I get why it’s cemented in popular culture, but at the end of the day it’s a Joel Schumacher film with a silly plot. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

The Love Witch - Somewhere between earnest satire and homage, The Love Witch is a well-crafted throwback to 1960s schlock. Weaving in contemporary gender critique, the film is more than just a rehash of its sexual fore-bearers. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

Mandy (2018) - Like watching a bad trip from afar, Beyond the Black Rainbow director Panos Cosmatos (son of the Tombstone director) pulls off a trippy, dreadful film that starts out with story that follows logic and consequence before giving over to the full weirdness of Nicholas Cage’s uniquely unhinged style of acting. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Jóhann Jóhannsson’s score is superb.

Midsommar - Though not as good as Aster’s Hereditary, Midsommar sticks with you longer. Eerie throughout and disturbing, but not frightening in the traditional sense, it’s no surprise this film seems to split viewers into devoted fans and downright haters. Florence Pugh’s performance is wonderful and the scenes of drugged-out dread are far better than what was attempted in Climax. Some critics have called the film muddled and shallow, and certainly the “Ugly American” character fits in the later, but I found it to be a remarkably clear vision compared to the jumbled ending of Hereditary. That said, it’s not a scary movie, it’s simply unnerving. Should a male director and writer be the one to tell this tale? Probably not. But it’s not wholly unredemptive. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. I first gave this film 3 pumpkins, but the more I think about it, the more it lingers. That counts for something. One more pumpkin to be exact.

Mimic - Without del Toro’s name attached, perhaps this movie wouldn’t be judged so harshly. Yet, though the shadowy, lingering shots he’s know for give a real sense of darkness to the picture, it’s a chore to sit through and is especially frustrating toward the end. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

The Mist - Watch the black and white version, which adds an ol’ timey feel to this Lovecraftian tale from Steven King and makes always-outdated CGI a bit more palpable. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

The Monster (2016) - From The Strangers Bryan Bertino, this monster movie that ties in a trouble mother/daughter relationship doesn’t ever overcome its limitations and poor character decisions that get protagonists in deeper trouble. Zoe Kazan does what she can to carry the role. Not bad, but not much below the surface. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

Monsters (2010) - A slow-burn that relies on its actors to push the suspense of a road-trip-style plot, leaving the special effects for subtle and beautiful moments. Arguably more of a sci-fi thriller than a true horror flick, it’s still worth viewing if you’re looking for something spooky. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

mother! - Like many of Aronosky’s films, mother! is difficult to define by genre. Though not a typical haunted house film, the bloody, unsettling aspects make it more than a typical psychological thriller. Haunting in a similar fashion of Black Swan, yet broader in theme like The Fountain, this movie is challenging, disturbing and frustrating in the sense that, as a mere viewer, you’re left feeling like there’s something you’ll never fully understand despite being beaten over the head. An not-so-subtle allegory about love, death, creation, mankind, god, and the brutality women must endure, it’s a hideous reminder that, upon even the briefest reflection, life’s cosmic journey is macabre. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

Ms. 45 - Ahead of its time, especially considering the unfortunate “rape revenge” sub-genre that seemed to cater to male fantasy than female empowerment. Still, it’s slow build and random scenes toward the finale leave it wanting. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. Oh, the knife is a dick. I get it.

Murder Party - A bit like Tucker and Dale vs. Evil, but for New York art kids. Even for being a horror comedy, there’s only like 20 minutes of horror, which is too bad as there’s material to mine instead of a prolonged rooftop chase scene. If this was a studio production, it’d probably just get 2 pumpkins, but given it’s $200k budget and at-the-time unknown cast, it’s a solid first feature for Jeremy Saulnier and Macon Blair, who went on to make some truly great films. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

National Lampoon’s Class Reunion - Flat out awful; neither a comedy nor a horror. Writer John Hughes claims he was fired from production, though that doesn’t hold much water considering he’s credited as “Girl with bag on head” and went on to write several other Lampoon movies. Director Michael Miller didn’t make another feature film for almost thirty years, which wasn’t long enough. 0 out of 5 pumpkins.

Near Dark - Kathryn Bigelow‘s sophomore film is hampered by its ultimate ending, but the story is original and well produced. Even Bill Paxton’s over-the-top performance is enjoyable. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Worst. Vampire. Ever.

The Neon Demon - A spiritual successor to Suspiria, this film from Drive director Nicolas Winding Refn is beautifully shot, but ultimately empty. While both Jena Malone and Keanu Reeves breathe life into their small roles, the cast of models rarely shine. The horrific ending goes a step too far without lingering long enough to truly shock. Though much better than the extremely similar Starry Eyes, it’s difficult to give this film a higher rating. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Worth watching for a couple standout scenes.

Night of the Living Dead - Viewed today the film seems almost tame, but in 1968 it was lambasted for being too gorey and sparked calls for censorship. And to its credit, there wasn’t anything else like it at the time. Romero’s incredibly small budget, Duane Jones‘s great performance, and the film’s unintended symbolism make its success all the more impressive. Kudos to MoMA and The Film Foundation for restoring this important piece of cinema history. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. I argue this is a sci-fi film, if you think about it.

A Night to Dismember (The "Lost" Version) - This version appeared on YouTube in the summer of 2018, decades after it was originally filmed. The version that was released in 1989 on VHS, and later in 2001 on DVD, was entirely re-shot with adult film actress Samantha Fox after a disgruntled processing employee destroyed the original negatives. The re-shoot gave the released version of movie its “sexplotation” vibe that director Doris Wishman was know for producing, but he original version is more of a straight-forward psychotic slasher movie with only a scene of campy nudity and stars Diana Cummings, instead of Fox. Gone is the striptease, sex hallucinations, detective character, and asylum plot that were slapped together in the released version, leaving a still somewhat jumbled story of a young woman who goes on a killing spree after becoming possessed by her dead mother, who died in pregnancy, leaving her an orphan. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. Poor Mary. Poor Vicki.

Nightmare on Elm Street - Why this movie sparked a generations-long series is almost as puzzling as how Children of the Corn pulled it off as well. The movie flat out ignores basic storytelling devices. Recalling the overall plot, you’re not even sure if the main character is better off alive or dead, given the horrifying reality she already exists within. Consider this: Her father is an authoritarian cop leading the world’s worse police force and her mother is a drunk, possessive vigilante arsonist. University doctors are so inept they focus solely on Colonial-era medicine to the point of ignoring a metaphysical phenomenon, believing teenage girls are attention-starved enough to smuggle hats embroidered with a dead child-killer’s name inside their vaginas to a sleep deprivation study. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. So much for the classics. At least this gave us the future gift of inspiring Home Alone-style defense antics.

Not of This Earth (1988) - This film, and I mean that artistically, was made because the director, Jim Wynorskin, bet he could remake the original on the same inflation-adjusted budget and schedule as the 1957 version by Roger Corman. Traci Lords makes her non-adult film debut and is a better actor than the rest of the cast combined. The gem isn’t so bad it’s good, it’s so godawful it’s incredible. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. I was looking for the trashiest horror movie on Netflix, and I believe I have found it.

One Cut of the Dead - Know as little as possible going into this one. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. It’s impossible to not enjoy this film.

One Dark Night - Starts out interesting, but quickly gets forgetable even with the central location of a haunted cemetery. Worth putting on the background. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. Aaaaaadddaaaammmm Weeeeessssst.

The Others - Well-paced, nicely shot, superior acting by Nicole Kidman, ominous tone through out, great ending. 5 out of 5 pumpkins. One of my personal favorites.

Pan's Labyrinth - del Torro’s best work, combining the tinges of war dread and the fantastical elements that would go on to be a key part of his other films. Pale Man is one of the creepiest monsters to ever be captured on screen. Perhaps the biggest horror is that though you’ll cheer for the anarchists, the historical fact is that the Nationalists won and established a dictatorship for nearly forty years. 5 out of 5 pumpkins. No god, no country, no master.

The People Under the Stairs - When the main character of a horror movie would be better placed in a zany after-school sitcom, the entire story is bound to fail. Little did I know how far. Twin Peaks actors aside, the rest of the this movie is so convoluted and poorly explained that it made me hate Panic Room somewhat less. They can't all be winners. 1 out of 5 pumpkins. At the end of this movie, a house explodes and money rains down on poor, mostly black people. Thanks, Wes Craven!

Pet Sematary (2019) - Uninspiring, uneven, and mostly uneventful. 1 out of 5 pumpkins.

Poltergeist - If you haven't seen this Steven Speilberg produced & written, but not directed horror movie, it's worth a modern viewing. Original, yet tinged with all the classic elements of fear, this movie manages to tug on the heartstrings like a family-friendly drama while still being creepy as hell. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. The best, most expensive Holiday Inn commercial ever made.

Pontypool - Good, but not as great as hyped. Characters are introduced haphazardly and the explanation for the horror barely tries to make sense. Still, not bad for a movie with essentially three characters stuck in a single location. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Possession (1981) - Described by some die-hard horror fans as a “must see,” I guess I agree. It’s by no means a masterpiece, but it’s bizarre enough to take the time to check out. It’s a sort of Cold War psychological horror as if written by Clive Barker and directed by David Cronenberg. Of course that comparison is necessary for American readers, but Polish director Andrzej Żuławski is an art-house favorite, whose second film was banned by his home government, causing him to move to France. Often panned for “over acting,” Isabelle Adjani actually won best actress at Cannes in 1981. Though, you may find one particular scene as if Shelley Duvall is having a bad acid trip. Part of the appeal of seeing this film is the difficulty in finding a copy. The DVD is out of print, and the new Mondo Blu-ray is limited to 2,000 copies at $70 a piece. Good luck. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. If you’re looking for something weird and very European, seek it out.

Prometheus - Perhaps because Ridley Scott’s return the franchise was expected to be such a welcome refresher after the abysmal failures of others in the series, this one was a pretty big let down. Though there are some cool concepts and frightening scenes, there are anger-inducing plot mistakes and zero sympathetic characters. Michael Fassbender’s performance is terrific, yet not enjoy to be an enjoyable view. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

Psycho - Not as great at The Birds, but still one of the best. The superb shots, painfully slow clean up of the first kill, it’s no wonder why the film is landmark for horror. Anthony Perkins is tremendous. 5 out of 5 pumpkins. Remember when Gus Van Sant remade this shot-for-shot for literally no reason and lost $30 million? It’s like he has to make one really terrible bomb after each critical hit and then crawl back again.

Pumpkinhead - The production quality of this 80s horror flick is surprisingly high, especially the Henson-like monster. Long story short - asshole dude bro accidentally kills hick kid, hick father calls up demon to seek revenge. All in all, not a bad movie. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Given the title, the monster's head in this movie is shockingly not very pumpkin-like. Boo.

A Quiet Place - John Krasinski gets a lot of credit for playing a well-intentioned father, which is an easier bridge to his well-known character from The Office, rather than a military member, like in many of his other projects. Emily Blunt is wonderful as is Millicent Simmonds. The creatures are scary, reminiscent of The Demogorgon in Stranger Things, and the plot is decent, even without much of an ending. I’ll be honest, I didn’t really want to enjoy this film as much as I did. It seemed too “mainstream.” And, it is. But it’s also a well-executed, well-acted, well-produced product, which is much more difficult to pull off than it sounds. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Worth recommending to friends who aren’t even horror fans.

Rabid - No where near the level of Cronenberg’s best or even his subsequent film The Brood, but still very good. Apparently Cronenberg wanted Sissy Spacek to play the lead, but was shot down by the producers. Obviously Marilyn Chambers was selected to play up the porn star angle in the hopes of greater marketing for the indie, horror film out of Canada, but she does a great job in her first mainstream role. If you like any Cronenberg has done, you should watch this one. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Raw - A terrific coming-of-age, sexual-awakening, body-horror film that manages to retain its heart even as it pushes the limits. One of the best horror movies of the last decade. 5 out of 5 pumpkins. Nom-nom.

Re-Animator - Creepy actor Jeffrey Combs is also in The Frighteners, which makes it a good nod in that flick. "Say hello to these, Michael!" When you see it, you'll get it. What can be said of this movie? It's crazy. It's great. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Gory, campy, funny and scary all at once, a definite classic.

Ready or Not - I wouldn’t go so far as to call this movie “clever,” but it’s certainly better than its absurd premise. Samara Weaving’s performance is really the only thing that keeps people watching. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. Killing all the attractive help is played off as a joke, but . . . it’s not? At least rich people die.

Repulsion - After having to listen to her sister being drilled by some limey prick night after night in their shared apartment and a series of unwanted street advances triggers her past trauma, a young woman rightfully kills a stalker turned home intruder and her rapist landlord. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

The Return of The Living Dead - This movie doesn’t give a wink and nod to horror tropes, it reaches out of the fourth wall to slap you in the face to create new ones. There’s an entire character that is just naked the whole movie. I understand that just because it’s a joke it doesn’t mean it’s not still sexist. But, also, you know, boobs. 4 out 5 pumpkins. What was created as camp became the foundation for modern zombies.

Return of the Living Dead III - A love story of sorts that takes a more series turn than the original. At first, I didn’t enjoy the uneven balance of camp and earnestness, but it oddly grows on you. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Worth watching to see what you think.

The Ritual - A Netflix original that is better than it needs to be about regret, trauma, and fear that gets right into the action and wraps fairly satisfying. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Rosemary's Baby - If you're looking for a sure party killer this October, put on this number and watch your guests fall asleep! Often forgot, the beginning and end of Rosemary's Baby are terrifying, expertly filmed scenes of dread, but the middle is a two-hour wink to the film's conclusion revolving around an expectant mother. Still, few other films can capture fear the way Polanski's does; all the more impressive that it stands up today. 5 out of 5 pumpkins. If you haven't seen this film, you owe it to yourself to watch it this season.

Scanners - Cronenberg’s 1981 film feels like a much more successful version of what De Palma attempted with The Fury. Dark, paranoid, and ultra-gory in key scenes, Scanners isn’t quite the perfect sci-fi horror, but it’s damn close. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

Scream - For a movie that birthed an annoying amount of sequels and spoofs, it's sort of sad that Wes Craven's meta-parody ended up creating a culture of the very movies he was trying to rail against. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Worth watching again, even if you saw it last year.

Sea Fever - A good, but not great, tense thriller on sea. Plus, an important lesson in quarantine. Ultimately, it doesn’t go far enough to present its horror. A well-made, and even well-paced film with a limited cast and sparse special effects, though. There’s nothing explicitly “wrong” as the movie progresses, but a tighter script and bigger ratcheting of the horror could have made it a classic. The ending is kinda cheesy the more I think about it. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Could’ve used a sex scene with some impending doom is all I’m saying!

The Sentinel - I really wanted to love this one. Downstairs lesbians! Birthday parties for cats! Late 70s New York! Alas, its shaky plot and just baffling lack of appropriate cues make it mostly a jumbled mess only worth watching if that slow-burn 70s horror aesthetic is your thing. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

The Shallows - Mostly a vehicle for Blake Lively’s launch from TV to the big screen, this movies isn’t particularly good or bad. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. The shark has a powerful vendetta against Lively. What did she do?!

Shaun of the Dead - First in Three Flavours Cornetto, some of the jokes don’t land as well as they did in 2004, but still a great spin on the zombie genre with loads of laughs and a bit of heart. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

The Shining - The pinnacle of the form. 5 out of 5 pumpkins. "So why don't you start now and get the fuck outta here!" Harsh, but come on, Wendy kinda sucks.

Shivers - Cronenberg’s 1975 shocker flick is . . . fine. You certainly get to see how some of his body horror themes started. Cronenberg himself seems to see it as more of a film to watch to understand what not to do as a young director. If you’re a completist, definitely check it out. Otherwise just skip to 1977′s Rabid, if you’re looking for Cronenberg’s earlier work. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. Not bad considering it was shot in two weeks.

Silent Night, Deadly Night - Whoo, boy. This one’s a ride. A decidedly anti-PC flick that caused calls for boycotts when it was first released, this movie is full of assault and uncomfortable situations. It’s also hilarious, gory, and worth watching in a large group. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Punish.

Sleepaway Camp - I must be missing something, because like Children of the Corn, I can’t understand why this movie became a cult-classic. A guy who openly talks about wanting to rape children is gruesomely maimed, so there’s that? I guess. A couple of these “kids” are definitely 34, while others are 14. Is this the basis for Wet Hot American Summer? I don’t know or care. 2 out 5 pumpkins. Just watch Friday the 13th.

Slither - Almost on the level of other spoofs, but with a few groan-worthy moments. Definitely one to watch if looking for something fun. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Not for the bug fearing.

The Slumber Party Massacre - Rita Mae Brown wrote this movie as a parody of the slasher genre that spawned so many Halloween copycats. It’s a bit unfortunate that we didn’t get her version. Author of pioneering lesbian novel Rubyfruit Jungle, Brown’s script was turned into a more straight-forward flick, giving the movie some baffling humor, like when one of the girls decides to eat the pizza from the dead delivery boy, and some untended humor, like the Sylvester Stallone issue of Playgirl. Lesbians undertones still prevail, as do lingering shots of gratuitous nudity, and enough phallic symbolism to write a paper about. All in all, a fun, albeit uneven movie with pretty decent dialogue. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Fun fact: Director Amy Holden Jones got her start as an assistant on Taxi Driver, passed on editing E.T. after Roger Corman offered to finance early filming for her directorial debut, and later went on to write Mystic Pizza, Beethoven, Indecent Proposal, and The Relic. Bonus fact: Playgirl was able to get nude photos of Stallone based on his first movie The Party at Kitty and Stud’s (aka The Italian Stallion), for which Stallone was reportedly paid $200 to star in during a period in his life when he was desperate and sleeping in a New York bus station.

The Slumber Party Massacre II - If the first movie was a knock-off of Halloween, this is a bizarre rip-off of The Nightmare on Elm Street with a rockabilly twist. It’s hard to tell if this is a parody or a sort of musical vehicle for the Driller Killer, who—to his credit—is somehow almost charismatic enough to it pull off. 1 out of 5 pumpkins. Somehow the weirdest movie I’ve ever watched.

The Slumber Party Massacre III - A return to form, in some respects. All the elements of the original are there: a slumber party, gratuitous nudity, a drill. But the driller killer’s poor-man’s Patrick Bateman character quickly becomes tired. Not terrible for a slasher flick, but not very good either. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. How many lamps to the head can Ken take?

Species - If I asked you to name a movie staring Sir Benjamin Kingsley, Alfred Molina, Forest Whitaker and Michelle Williams, would you guess Species? No, no you fucking wouldn't. We all know Species, but I, like most, erased it from my memory. This was helpful for two reasons: first because for about the first half of the movie, you think there might be a decent flick happening - baring some obvious flaws of a blockbuster. Second because - holy shit - you get to see a ton of naked breasts in this movie, like way more than I remember. Unfortunately, about halfway through Species someone must have come in and realized having the B-squad Scully & Mulder be one step behind every instinct killing was boring as shit, and flashing tits every 20 mins wasn't going to hack it. Whatever Hollywood dickbag crafted this turd failed to realize the casting of the actor forever known as Bud from Kill Bill is the only white, macho-postering character that morons want to root for. And so we get a squint-faced protagonist getting blow jobs from a coworker scientist and an ending dumber than the boob tentacles he should have been strangled with. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. There are worse horror movies, but there are also much better ones.

Starry Eyes - A thinly-veiled critique on Hollywood’s abusive history with actresses, the movie starts out well, but lags in the third act before a gruesome finale. Sort of a low-rent Mulholland Drive. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Watch out for that barbell, Ashley.

The Stuff - Odd, mostly because of its uneven tone. Like if The Blob, The Live, and Canadian Bacon raised a baby and that disappointed its parents, like all babies eventually do. There are some good horror and comedic moments, but none of which make it great. The sound editing is remarkably bad, and the poor cuts make no sense given its scope. Oh well. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Suspiria - More of a focus on set, sound, and color than characters, Suspiria is reminiscent of the Japanese classic House, but with a more straightforward story. The Italian director, English language, and German setting make for an interesting, offbeat feel that adds to the overall weirdness of the movie. One cringe worthy scene in particular makes up for its immediate lack of logic, and the soundtrack by Goblin stands up on its own. 5 out of 5 pumpkins. Sexist note: there’s a shocking lack of boobs given the subject matter.

Suspiria (2018) - Another in a long line of unnecessary remakes, though technically more of an homage. Luca Guadagnino’s version was supposedly developed for years alongside Tilda Swinton, who plays three different characters. Truthfully, without any attachment to the original, this could have been a muddled, but remarkable film. Thom Yorke’s score is perfect in certain scenes, yet detracting in others. The plot is similar in this manner. Some scenes are haunting and dense, but others needlessly detailed. The dance scenes are terrific, but weighed down by the larger war themes. The ending’s gore-fest is hampered by too much CGI, but still demonically fun. Fans of the original won’t find the weird, colorful elements to love, but it’s a good movie, albeit thirty minutes too long. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

The Taking of Deborah Logan - Good premise; found footage in the vein of Blair Witch Project of a demon possession disguised as Alzheimer’s disease. But, the movie can’t decide if it wants to stick to its foundation of a student documentary or veer into the studio-style editing and affects of theatrical release. Which is unfortunate as the former would have made it stand-out among a pack of mediocre ghost stories, while the later distracts from the setting it seeks to establish. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

Teeth - A movie about the myth of vagina dentata could have been absolutely deplorable, but with the bar so low, Teeth does a pretty good job. Jess Weixler is a functional actress, not necessarily stand-out, but certainly far better than the role requires. Trying to tightrope walk between comedy and horror is never a task a creator should set out upon without a clear vision. Unfortunately, this one seems a bit blurry. One its release, Boston Globe said the movie “runs on a kind of angry distrust toward boys.” Not bad advice. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Terrifier - Do you want to see a naked woman hung upside down and sawed from gash to forehead? Then this is the movie for you. That’s it. There’s not much else here. Gino Cafarelli is good as the pizza guy. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. The clown is scary, though.

The Terror - A classic haunted throwback from Roger Corman, but without the nudity and gore his later work is infamous for. A young Jack Nicholson proves he was always kind of a prick. Boris Karloff does his best. The plot is pretty boring, but it’s a decent movie that you might stumble upon on a lazy afternoon on cable TV. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre - Tobe Hooper’s 1974 persuasive argument for vegetarianism is just as terrifying today as it was when it was released. Just as Halloween launched a thousand imitators, the hues and low angles in this film set the standard for horror for years and, unfortunately, laid the groundwork for more exploitative movies offered referred to as “torture porn.” Though gory, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre’s sense of weird dread is established well before the chainsaw rips, and though many have tried to follow in its footsteps, none have captured the lighting that adds to the overall queasy moments of the film. There’s a kind of simplistic beauty to such unexplained brutality, and perhaps because it was first, all others since haven’t seemed as artistically valuable. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. So, umm, what do you think happened to the Black Maria truck driver?

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003) - The only decent carry over from this remake is John Larroquette as the narrator. Over-washed tones, over-the-top gore and unsympathetic characters make this film more than unnecessary, placing among the worst horror remakes of all time. Robert Ebert gave it one of his rare 0 stars, reserved for works he found genuinely appalling such as I Spit On Your Grave, The Human Centipede 2, and most infamously John Waters’s Pink Flamingos. 1 out of 5 pumpkins.

They Live - “I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass… And I'm all out of bubblegum." 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

The Thing - Trying to give this film an honest review is almost impossible. Cast out on its release for being too bizarre and gory, Carpenter’s nihilist tale has since come to be seen as a masterpiece for its special effects, bleak tone, and lasting impact on other creators. Is it perfect? No, but it’s damn close. 5 out of 5 pumpkins. MacReady’s assimilated. Deal with it.

Train to Busan - A bit too predictable, but a solid, well-paced zombie action flick that’s smarter than most American blockbusters from Korean director Yeon Sang-ho, who is better known for his semi-autobiographical animated features. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

Tucker & Dale vs. Evil - I really didn't expect much out of this movie, but it's actually really, really funny and a really gory spoof. Not quite on the scale of The Cabin in the Woods, but still pretty damn great. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. If you don't think people getting hacked up by a chainsaw in certain contexts can be funny, then this probably ain't your bag.

Twins of Evil - An enjoyable, somewhat smutty vampire movie from the famous British studio Hammer Films, staring Peter Cushing and Playboy Playmates the Collinson twins. Directed by John Hough, who also directed The Legend of Hell House, the film doesn’t break any new ground and is loaded with over-acting, but it’s well-paced, wonderfully set, and generally fun to watch, where the Puritan witchfinders are just as horrible as the vampires. Not as great as Black Sunday, but still worth viewing. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Let Joachim speak, you racists.

Under the Skin - Mesmerizing and haunting. The less you know going into this film the better. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. Quite possibly Scarlett Johansson’s best work.

Under the Silver Lake - Technically a “comedic neo-noir,” whatever the fuck that means; in any case David Robert Mitchell (It Follows) tries to do too much over too long of a run time. Andrew Garfield gives a decent performance, especially considering he’s in almost every frame of the film. But the edge-of-subtly that made It Follows so modern and terrifying is replaced by a silk, wandering, and heavy-handed stroll through the powerful Los Angeles entertainment Illuminati. Certainly there’s material there, but instead of being a radical stab at the very real institutions of pop-culture that treat young women as nothing more than disposable meat, we drift in and out of a young man’s lust that revels in objectification without the sleazy charm of exploitation flicks or the critical eye of outright satire. Even the eerily presence of the Owl Woman can’t level-up what is an exercise in arrested development for hipsters. 2 out of 5 pumpkins. Despite this negative review, Mitchell still has plenty of potential to make another great film. Whether he deserves that chance is different question.

Us - Jordan Peele’s second film is even better than his great debut. Us isn’t perfect, but hints at what Peele could create in the future. Unnecessary explanation and slightly oddly timed humor are present, like in Get Out, but more restrained. Peele’s talent for making modern horror accessible to the widest audience is laudable. Still, I can’t wait to see what he makes two or three films down the road. I suspect more than one could come close to equaling that of Kubrik’s The Shinning. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

Vampire’s Kiss - Is it a horror? Is it a comedy? Is it a parody? Drama? This movie truly defies genre due to the inexplicable acting choices made by Nicholas Cage. His odd affectation doesn’t change from sentence to sentence, but word to word. It’s like he’s trying to play three different characters across three different acts all at once. Is it good? Not really. But, I mean, see it. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

Vampyros Lesbos - After vigorous encouragement from my academic colleagues, I decided to watch this 1971 Spanish-German film for, umm, science. Shot in Turkey and staring the tragic Soledad Miranda, Jesús Franco’s softcore horror jumps right into full-frontal nudity and attempts a sort of story involving Count Dracula that moves forward through uninteresting monologues and shaky camera work. It’s not awful, but there’s no reason to watch it. If it was playing in the background at a dive bar, it might have a tinge of charm. Other than some close moments of near-unapologetic queer sex, despite being created almost entirely for the male gaze, it’s just another in the pile of European exploitation. Still, it’s fun to daydream about Istanbul being ruled by a dark-haired demonic lesbian; beats the hell out of what we have in our reality. 1 out of 5 pumpkins. Fun fact: The soundtrack found renewed fame in 1990′s Britain, causing it to finally find distribution into America.

The Vault - A serviceable, but ultimately boring horror take on a bank heist that tries to hard to end with a twist. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

V/H/S - Every review I've seen for this movie is generally positive, but that only reaffirms my belief that most people are easily pleased by unintelligent, unoriginal bullshit. A Blair Witch-style story-within-a-story collection of shorts, I couldn't get past the first borderline date-rape, little-girl, sexually confused, monster story. Fuck this trope. Fuck this movie. The much delayed glorification of grisly murder of the offending male villains is hardly radical and only further supports the stereotypes of patriarchy much as it attempts to subvert a worn genre. 0 out of 5 pumpkins. I hate the world.

Videodrome - Cronenberg’s best film. James Woods’s best role; it’s a shame that he’s total piece of shit in real life. 5 out of 5 pumpkins. Long live the new flesh.

The Wailing - Despite clocking in at over two and half hours, this part zombie/part demon horror movie from Korean director Na Hong-jin isn’t a slow burn, but rather an intriguing maze of twists and turns as the main character (and audience) struggles to find the truth about a mysterious, murderous diseases sweeping through a small village. Actor Do-won Kwak gives an especially captivating performance. Though the ending packs a powerful punch, the overlapping lies and half-truths told over the course of the film makes it a bit difficult to suss out the evil roots. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

We Are Still Here - What sets out as a slowly paced ghost story turns into something of a gore-fest towards the ends, which doesn’t make it bad so much out of place. 3 out fo 5 pumpkins. Could’ve been a contender.

We Are What We Are - A remake of Jorge Michel Grau’s 2010 film, the American version takes its time getting to the horror before going a step too far at the end. Still, the ever-present knowledge that you’re watching a cannibal film makes some of predictable moments all-the-more horrifying. 3 out of 5 pumpkins.

Wes Craven’s New Nightmare - The novel charm of Craven’s meta Freddy saga has worn with age. Heather Langernkamp is passable, but not enough to carry the film and Robert Englund out of makeup shatters the pure evil illusion of his character. Interesting to see some of the ideas that would later synthesize in Scream, but otherwise kind of a bore. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

The Witch: A New-England Folktale - A deeply unsettling period-piece that reflects on American religion and its violent fear of feminine power. 5 out of 5 pumpkins. Trust no goat.

The Witches - Roald Dahl’s story is ultimately crushed by a changed ending, however, Nicolas Roeg‘s adaptation up to that point is a fun, creepy movie people of any age can enjoy. 4 out of 5 pumpkins. It’s really a shame the original ending was changed.

Wolfcop - When a movie’s title promises so much, maybe it’s not fair to judge. But there’s so much campy potential in a werewolf cop picture that it’s kind of a bummer to see it executed at level that makes you wonder if it wasn’t made by high school kids whose favorite movie is Super Troopers. 1 out of 5 pumpkins. God, the movie’s horrible.

The World’s End - The final chapter in the Three Flavours Cornetto and the best, showcasing a wealth of talent at the top of their game. 4 out of 5 pumpkins.

XX - Admittedly, I don’t care much for the recent spring of short horror anthologies. Rarely do they have enough time to build the necessary suspense horror movies require. Still, two of the shorts are OK, one is pretty good, and one is bad. So, not a total loss. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

You’re Next - Home-invasion horror as never been my cup of hippie tea as it feeds into the 2nd Amendment hero fantasy of American males. That said, this dark-comedy take on it isn't bad. Some things don’t really add up. For example: Are you telling me that the deep woods home of a former defense corporation employee doesn’t have a single gun stashed somewhere? Bullshit. Anyway, who doesn’t want to see a rich family’s bickering dinner interrupted by a gang of psycho killers? 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Bonus rating: 6 out of 10 would fuck in front of their dead mother. (Sorry, mom.)

Zombeavers - No one would say this is a good movie, but it also doesn’t take itself too seriously. Not at funny as Tucker & Dale vs. Evil, and certainly more formulaic, this one’s only worth watching if you’re bored. 2 out of 5 pumpkins.

Zombi 2 - Lucio Fulci’s unofficial sequel to Dawn of the Dead is one of his best films. But even though Fulci crafted some of the best zombies to ever appear on screen—filmed in the bright, Caribbean sun, the film suffers, as most of his do, from some unnecessary, borderline confusing plot points and poor dubbing. Still, well worth watching on a lazy day, especially for the final act, when the protaganists fight off a zombie hoard inside a burning church. 3 out of 5 pumpkins. Bonus: topless scuba diving zombie shark fight, which is also my new DJ name.

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fireflywonder · 4 years

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Rose Tyler Fanfic Rec

Fanfics where Rose Tyler is the main focus. A lot of them will also feature Rose being awesome and not some damsel in distress or a sidekick.

Ninth Doctor x Rose

Get Out Of My Dreams (And Into My TARDIS) by mayaspice

Rated: General

Usually, humans jump at the opportunity to travel with him. So, he's puzzled as to why Rose Tyler doesn't. If she were any other human, he'd be on his merry way, but there's something about Rose that makes him believe the universe (and maybe he) needs her. He takes it upon himself to find out why she's apprehensive about being his companion, and tries to convince her otherwise.

My Comments: This fanfic doesn’t really feel like a romance fanfic even though it’s tagged as one, but it’s brilliant. It’s so easy to get sucked into it which just shows how amazing the writing is. I won’t spoil, but I absolutely love Rose’s reasons for being hesitant and how the Doctor is forced to come to terms with it. You’ll probably end up re-reading this fanfic multiple times.

A Drop of Magic by dimensionhoppingrose

Rated: General

Their first meeting wasn't in the halls of the great castle, but in a dusty, forgotten corner of Flourish and Blotts. “Are you bored too?” He asked, and when she nodded he took her hand and said one word: “Run."

My Comments: A Harry Potter au that’s absolutely brilliant. There’s realistic struggles and the writing is amazing. I also love the friendship between Rose and Martha and the Doctor.

Tenth Doctor x Rose

Mr Smith and The Dinner Lady by lauraxtennant

Rated: General

Set during School Reunion - the Doctor has to contend with his class gossiping and asking inappropriate questions about the nature of his and Rose's relationship.

My Comments: I love this fanfic just for how intimidated the Doctor is by a bunch of teenagers. It also gives a nice glimpse into what the Doctor thinks of Rose who is just absolutely cheeky throughout the entire thing. It’s part of a series, but this is my favorite fic within it.

A Rose By Any Other Name by TardisIsTheOnlyWayToTravel

Rated: Teen-Mature

In which Rose Tyler opens a fob watch, and discovers that she's the Master.

My Comments: Even when Rose Tyler turns out to be the Master there’s still a bit of Rose Tyler in them which makes it so much more interesting. It’s hilarious and the Doctor can never catch a break.

Generation 5000 by ofstormsandwolves

Rated: General

A changed Rose lands on a strange planet while trying to find her way back to the Doctor, and finds herself being 'processed' by a group of soldiers who want help winning a war. Is it just a distraction, or will it help lead her back to the Doctor?

My Comments: Bad wolf and dimension hopping Rose makes an appearance! I love how Rose’s powers are different than standard ones people give her. I don’t want to give much more away, but I love the dynamics between the Doctor and Rose and their progenation machine children.

Rubbish As A Human by HalfASlug

Rated: Teen

With the Family of Blood after him, the Doctor has no choice but to become human and hide himself in Edwardian Britain. Fortunately, Rose and Donna are there to make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid. Unfortunately, there is no one to stop them doing anything stupid.

My Comments: Donna is absolutely amazing in this and I love her friendship with Rose. Those two have to put up with so much in this fanfic and they’re just utterly done with John Smith (aka chameleon arch! Doctor). It’s a hilarious fanfic and it’s definitely different than the usual ‘Family of Blood’ fanfics.

Feeling Electric by ProfessorSpork

Rated: Fiction K

She walks into the comic book store, and everything changes. An AU story. / "No!" she insists, but she's grinning and bumping his shoulder and he has never, ever talked to anyone like this before.

My Comments: The author has the real world connect so neatly to the tv show which I absolutely love. There’s an explanation for everything from why the Doctor wears a pin striped suit to the hindrance caused by Madame de Pompadour. It’s all done in such a brilliant way. Also, the way the Doctor and Rose fall in love is just perfect and fits them so well. There is slight smut though so you have been warned.

Heavy on the Build Up by cereal

Rated: Teen

"I don’t think I’ll be seducing Queen Elizabeth at all," he said. "Do you? Don’t you fancy a bit of running instead? Maybe I could make a speech, tug on my earlobe a bit? I could use the sonic, too." 50th spoiler fix-it.

My Comments: The Doctor thinks he’s so suave, but in reality, not so much. The Doctor’s thought process in regards to Rose is hilarious and so him. Such a fun read.

Rose Stays by l-ouresdeLuna (facemyJam) (WIP)

Rated: Not Rated

When Rose saves the Earth from the Christmas Star Invasion, she unknowingly becomes The Defender of Earth. It sets her on a path not unlike the one the Doctor took, but without the vast knowledge of the Doctor, she's forced to seek alternate endings.

My Comments: Rose is so very human in this series and I love it. She isn’t given any power ups or anything. Rose only has her brain, her companions, and her gadgets to rely on. We get to see Rose truly shine while still holding onto her kindness. This is such a welcome change from the typical route writers take in regards to this trope.

Eleventh Doctor x Rose

More than words by Teekalin (WIP)

Rated: Teen

In the middle of rebooting the universe, the Doctor gets a brilliant idea. A mad but brilliant idea. He has found a way to bring Rose back to him. Now all he need to do is create a second Big Bang and everything should work. He can only hope she will recognise him in his new body.

My Comments: Be prepared for the slow burn, because wow. The Doctor does that and still doesn’t do anything? But the author does a good job of incorporating Rose into the story. Definitely worth reading.

the definition of 'forever' by everythingyouever

Rated: Teen

Amelia Pond looks on in wonder at the blue, smoking police-box that’s smashed her shed. She’s even more amazed when the doors are thrown open, and a blonde woman emerges in a halo of yellow-orange light.

The stranger grimly surveys her surroundings and the state of the box, before shouting back down, “You landed us better the last time you did this!”

My Comments: A nice little fix-it where nothing bad ever happens to Melody Pond, the Doctor was only a year late, and Donna still has her memory plus a bunch of other things. Also, Rose and the Doctor are still traveling together and making people wonder if they’re together. Should definitely read.

Doctor x Rose x Jack

The Wolf at the Door by surrexi

Rated: Teen

Bilis Manger's manipulation of the Cardiff rift allowed Rose Tyler to slip through a tiny hole in the universe and she was reunited with Captain Jack. Cardiff is safe and the Torchwood hub is quiet. But what happens when the Doctor and Martha make a pit stop?

My Comments: This is the second book in a series, but it’s way better than the first one. You can read the sequel without being lost, so you don’t need to bother with the first book. It features an adorable reunion between the Tenth Doctor and Rose along with Bad Wolf! Rose saving the day. Also, Doctor and Jack and Rose working through their relationship issues (but mainly the boys).

Something Fantastic by Haely_Potter

Rated: Not Rated

River meant to send the message to the Eleventh Doctor. We know what happened when the Tenth Doctor received it. But what if it went further back, to the Ninth Doctor? Silence in the Library and Forest of the Dead with Ninth Doctor, Rose and Jack.

My Comments: River Song keeps hinting at the future and Ninth is not having it. All her attempts fall flat. This fanfic also has Jack and the Doctor being protective over Rose, but she still manages to get into trouble and help save the day. I mainly love this fanfic just for the relationship dynamics between Jack, Rose, and the Doctor. They’re absolutely great together.

Multi-Doctor x Rose

Bending the Universe by Haely_Potter (WIP)

Rated: Teen

Separate AU one shots in Doctor Who 'verse

My Comments: It’s basically a series on all the different ways Rose could still exist within the Doctor’s life. They’re all very varied which makes it interesting and they show how the Doctor will always love Rose.

Ten and Rose elope and Eleven never marries River, but it's still canon-compliant. by TsukiKabanoki (WIP)

Rated: General

Yeah, I had this idea. I like angst, so most of it is probaby just the Doctor missing Rose or people finding out about her and all that.

My Comments: It’s a series that starts off with the Doctor finally telling Rose how he feels in ‘The Idiot’s Lantern’ and continues how it would in canon. Which makes everything so much more heartbreaking. But I absolutely love the raw emotions in the fanfics and how the Doctor could never stop loving Rose.

Things Change by wanderlust_and_rainbows

Rated: General

Post Parting of Ways, Rose Tyler becomes a little less human.

My Comments: Nothing is ever simple or easy in this fanfic, but the writing is absolutely stunning so you’ll keep reading even if it gets your heart broken. There is just so much depth and nothing is rushed when it comes to Rose. She gets so much character development and I absolutely recommend it. Just the dialogue and the realistic portrayal of relationships pulls you in. You’ll want to read it all in one sitting. Also, Jack is the best friend anyone could have in this.

Time Lines Diverge by valiantstorm

Rated: Teen

"I am the Bad Wolf, and I save Melody Pond."

Melody Pond isn't the only Pond who's met the Bad Wolf. Melody Pond, growing up like she should have, just add the big bad wolf and an immortal man. Oh, and don't forget the daft alien we all love.

My Comments: This is more Eleven x Rose than anything, but towards the end the Twelfth Doctor appears so there’s that. Rose gets to do some saving in this fanfic and travels with an immortal man and a young Pond she regularly kidnaps. Melody Pond is surprisingly likable and there’s just so much sass in her which makes you like her even more. Also, none of the past companions are forgotten which is all Rose’s doing.

The Catastrophic History of You and Me by I Took the One Less Travelled

Rated: Teen

Every time she saved him, she dissolved into nothing and disappeared. It just got harder after he knew who she was. AU in which Rose scattered herself as Bad Wolf across the Doctor's timeline and saved his life hundreds of times before he even met her.

My Comments: During the time Rose Tyler held the vortex she saved the Doctor so many times. It’s basically a fix-it during the time the Tenth Doctor is without Rose, but I totally approve of the changes. Also, I love the amount of emotion the author has the Doctor show in regards to Rose. It makes it all so much more intense.

Certain Dark Things by ABadPlanWellExecuted (WIP)

Rated: Teen-Explicit

A collection of stories about Rose as she dimension-hops her way back to the Doctor. Not in any particular order, except the order in which they fall out of my head.

My Comments: This series dives into the things Rose had to endure while in the search for the Doctor and it’s so interesting. There are so many great moments in this story and I honestly can’t say anymore without spoiling.

Prolonging the Inevitable by Aeolist

Rated: Teen

She's with him everyday. He's with her once a week. -- "Fifty more years That's eighteen thousand, two hundred and fifty days. It sounds like a lot, put that way. It's not. Not for me. But if I space it out, if I wait a week in between every one of your days, I could keep you for three hundred and fifty more years in my own timeline."

My Comments: This fanfiction actually explores the idea of Rose growing old with the Doctor which I rarely see. It’s so heartbreaking, but I still love it. It’s primarily focused on the Tenth Doctor and Rose, but the Eleventh Doctor does make an appearance.

Has Someone Been Peeking At My Christmas List? by Vampiyaa

Rated: General

Eleven/Rose sort of; Twelve/Rose; Part Eight of the Who Holidays series. When the Eleventh Doctor takes Rory and Amy home to Leadworth, they stumble upon a future version of the Doctor holding hands with a very pregnant Rose Tyler. Apparently, somebody has most definitely been peeking at his Christmas list. Set just after A Town Called Mercy.

My comments: Definitely a fluffy story, but it has a dash of angst. Definitely an enjoyable story to read.

No Rose Without a Thorn by morningsound15

Rose goes to sleep one night next to her husband, John Smith, the man she has loved for going on three years now, and wakes up the next morning face-to-face with a complete stranger.

She just about falls straight out of bed.

Or: Whenever the Doctor regenerates, his human double over in Pete’s World does, too.

They all try to deal with whatever that might mean.

My Comments: This was such an interesting read, because it’s a struggle on both parties. The Metacrisis is forced to change without warning and figure themselves out all over again. Rose on the other hand has to relearn them all over again. Neither can run away from this. I love the way the author explores all of this and it’s done in such a realistic way.

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transgamerthoughts · 4 years

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Final Fantasy 7 Remake: Thoughts and Ramblings

Surprised to dust this off but I want to collect my thoughts quickly now that credits are rolling on Remake:

In general, I enjoyed it quite a lot. As one of many players with a unique relationship to the original (I first “played” it watching a childhood friend over the course of several sleepovers before playing on my own and occasionally returning to it) I was skeptical. I’ve express some of that skepticism at Kotaku , a website I write at. Remakes and remasters sometimes fall short or deviate in strange ways. Remake forges its own path and I’m grateful for it.

SPOILERS AHEAD KIDDOS

So! Here’s some scattered thoughts. Maybe they end up on Kotaku, maybe not. And while I’m loathe to immediately rush to create content on a Sunday night, this game has my mind spinning. Here we go.

The characterizations in this game are very strong, perhaps stronger than the original’s Midgar section. Some of that is owed to a very bad localization in ‘97 (you can get insight into that from my former colleague Tim Rogers’ series here) but Remake takes a lot of effort to allow the cast to breathe. That can come from the ways in which Cloud alters his way of taking with Tifa, and it can come in the moment where Barrett is more explicitly an ideologue. It’s quite good even if the script has a flaw that we’ll talk about in a second.

That flaw is, frankly, that if you’ve not played the original then Remake is going to end up impenetrable in the final hours. This is particularly true once characters like Zack are brought into the fold and the visuals begin to mirror the original. (See: the hard cuts before Sephiroth and Clouds final duel mirroring the Omnislash moment from ‘97.) I don’t think that diminishes the character work here but I think that the more interesting meta-narrative stuff *so* damn crucial to this game that I can’t imagine what a newcomer will think.

Connected to this, I’ve seen folks disappointed that this is not a perfect remake but in this instance, I think that sentiment is misplaced. Valid, but shortsighted? You can’t make Final Fantasy VII today. Not in the way it existed in ‘97. Which isn��t to say the visuals or script but the context cannot be reproduced. New hardware, FMVs taking a forefront, an advertising campaign that positioned the game in competition with movies, and a cultural splash that the series hasn’t ever quite replicated. Because the weight of expectation hovers over Remake—folks have been obsessed with a new version since the PS3 tech demo stirred imagination at E3 2020—the game *needs* to be about that. To be a game about this moment, the moment gamers have waited decades for, Remake needs to be about itself in a very explicit way.

I can’t not see the Whispers and Arbiters of Fate as anything other than stand-ins for gamers, fans, and the culture as a whole. That’s an obvious reading but an undeniable one. The core question of Remake doesn’t really have much to do with the fictional stakes. It’s this: who owns Final Fantasy VII, and who owns the Remake? Is it the story tellers or the players? I have a cheat answer: it belongs to the characters. In unbinding themselves from player expectation, they claim ownership over the narrative now.

Aeris just flat out knows she’s in a sequel/alt-timeline thing. Her final line is about missing the surety of something as presumably ever present at the metal sky of Midgar’s plates.

I like the combat here more than FFXV, which isn’t saying a lot but worth saying. There’s more participation from the player. That’s it. I don’t think *more* active choice inherently makes a combat system better but it is the key reason this works better than XV.

Character swapping breaks things somewhat since enemy aggro is (save for using the provoke materia) focused on the player. Wish the combat design took this into consideration a bit more. It’s the one glaring flaw in the system.

Tifa is the most fun to play as in this game. It’s not even a contest. Starshower is overpowered as hell and Chi Trap rules. Love using her to increase the potency of the stagger meter when the time comes.

Fights do get occasionally Too Busy. Airbuster is a big culprit here. Too many phases for what was essentially a jobber of a boss in the original game.

Train Graveyard section is an atrocious pace killer as well. Again: “too many notes.”

I never found the Nail Bat and that was a bit of a bummer.

I tweeted out a quote from Barrett this weekend and it made the rounds. In general, for this game, Barrett works best in this revolutionary mode even if certain scenes (Shinra middle manager for instance) deploy visual language that’s dated. Of any character, he has the highest highs and lowest lows. Not surprising.

re: that tweet some folks kinda lost their shit about it(?) but I think the quote still holds. Remake does a good job of showing *individuals* within Shinra but Barrett does rightly note they are complicit to an extent in Shinra’s crimes. You can disagree with what Barrett does about it but that’s 100% true. Sorry, not sorry. (The discourse today was just a hassle frankly. Multiple things can be true at once, but I don’t think Twitter is a place where that’s ever acknowledged.) Whatever eventual regrets he might feel about methodology in ‘97′s script, he’s not wrong on this individual point. I’m interested to see where he goes as a character when it comes to all this.

Kinda related to the above, Remake arguably does a better job than ‘97 showing the alternative to Shinra. It’s the communal nature of the individual sectors. It’s the Neighborhood Watch and local leaders in Sector 7, the trio in Wall Market. Remake rejects Shinra’s autocracy and favors the various slums communes. This is made ever more clear by how little of Reeve we see in this script. Who are the leaders shaping life into a passable experience in Midgar? It’s not the Urban Planning guy with the cat robot.

Also: hey, is that Cait Sith in the plate drop cutscene? Yep! Hope you played the original or there’s just this sad cat that shows up for 4 four seconds.

Is he a Chad? Well, he’s Chad-ley...

Not sure what to think of the Wutai stuff being more explicit but it feels right for 2020 for a variety of reasons. I’ve never been too interested in FF7′s realpolitik tho. It’s not really much of an expansion so much as a background element but one that’s deployed a bit lazily.

Roche owns in a way I was not expecting. He’s a balls to the wall anime motherfucker and I kinda love him? I’m really, really surprised that (as far as I could tell) he didn’t even come back for the final bike sequence tho.

I don’t really have the energy to litigate or talk about Wall Market much. I think it’s better than the original but pandering in the sense that it’s a very safe and commodified version of queerness. I appreciate that Nomura and folks looked at the original and were like “well, we can’t do *that*” but it doesn’t quite land for me.

That said: “yes, I know, nailed it,” is a fantastic line with a fantastic read from Cloud’s English VA.

Hell House announcers rule. Hell House fight? Kinda terrible actually.

Nice shout out to Kunsel in Shinra Tower. Crisis Core is a messy game but I like Tabata’s work a lot. Even the messy stuff, which is most of it. That game’s story is bonkers but I like Zack and I actually like the idea of the Digital Mind Wave as a mechanic. If nothing else, Squeenix lost a pretty exciting designer when he left.

Less nice? This game’s tendency to pad out dungeons. The whole approach to the Sector 5 reactor comes to mind. Train fight then tunnels then sun lamps then reactor. It’s a lot. Also: all of the extra Hojo stuff. I know we’re padding out like 5 hours but some of the sections could have been abbreviated. Probably would have made the game better.

Even less nice? Zack’s English voice actor. Maybe the only voice actor I didn’t like. Really miss Rick Gomez on this one.

Conversely, Red XIII? They nailed it. 11/10. Nanaki, I love you so much.

Counterstance is an amazing move and I can’t want to carry that over into Hard Mode.

The Jenova fight fuckin’ ripped. I was a bit huffy when I learned through leaks that there was a Jenova fight (since the first fight in the original is on the boat to Costa Del Sol) but this was a great set piece. One of the moments where everything worked.

Also good: Rufus fight. Bad: losing Rufus’ speech to the party.

Not a ton more thoughts right now? Sephiroth fight was good although for all his presence in the story I think we suffer without the full Nibelheim flashback to round things out. In all really liked it. Want to play again pretty much immediately. Will write something more cogent for the site I guess? Got a few ideas. But yeah! entered as skeptic and left mostly a believer on this one.

#final fantasy vii remake #spoilers

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missytearex · 5 years

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It’s @lululawrence‘s birthday! Which means it’s the perfect time to read some of her fics! Sus is ridiculously talented and churns out fic like nobody’s business, so the list of fics she’s written in the last year is ridiculously long. Thanks for blessing us with your talent, Sus!

Under 10k fics are under the cut. Enjoy!

You Don't Care About Me (One More Night)

tomlinshaw | 60k

the one where Louis pines for Harry and Nick helps ease his way into figuring himself out through a friends with benefits sort of arrangement. Things quickly turn complicated.

You Try To Be Everything (I Need)

larry | 36k

Wars, and rumours of wars, were nothing new for the world in the twenty-fourth century. The fighting had evolved over the years, and rarely did it involve traditional weapons. A group most widely known as the Southern Powers gained strength amongst portions of the western European continent and spread quickly.

There was a fight the Southern Powers didn’t expect coming from the north of England, though. Resistance came in the form of an organised underground; a group comprised of people with the Touch that did the best they could to enforce a line that would not be crossed. Slowly, that line was moved from the Channel to boundaries further and further north. It seemed only a matter of time before the Southern Powers took over everywhere.

Until that time, people did the best they could to live their lives in some semblance of normality. For Louis Tomlinson, that sense of normality was about to change when his best friend, Harry Styles, goes missing.

Louis embarks on the journey of a lifetime where he uses his newly developed abilities to search for his friend, even when it takes him to places he never thought he would see while surmounting trials he never could have imagined.

(Something's Been) Hiding In My Heart

larry | 25k

a Sweet Home Alabama AU where Louis comes home to finally get his divorce from Harry finalized so he can move on with his life. Alderford holds its own set of challenges when he returns, but by facing his past maybe he can find the healing he so desperately needs.

It's the Climb

larry | 25k

The Hannah Montana AU where Louis is a world famous punk rock singer with a stage name of William and Jay drags him back to Tennessee for the summer. In her attempt for Louis to get back to his roots, he just so happens to reconnect with Harry, and things never go quite as Louis expects them to.

Nowhere to Land

larry | 23k

the sequel to Back to How it Was where other Harry has returned to himself with only foggy memories of the past few weeks. He finds himself with a new workout routine, recordings of interviews he doesn't fully remember choosing to do in the first place, and a budding relationship with a man he remembers from the X Factor but doesn't really know now. Doing the best he can, Harry tries to put the pieces together of what happened and where he's going to go from here.

Like a Lighthouse On The Coast (I Need You)

larry | 19k

the one where Louis has all the pressure of his sophomore album and none of the inspiration, but maybe all he needs is someone like Harry Styles to turn all that around.

I Just Wanna Give You Love

larry | 18k

the one where the world is in black and white until you meet your soulmate, but Harry is world famous and Louis is...well...not.

(That's Just) The Way I Am

larry | 17k

There was no way Harry would want to bring anyone out for an introductory trip like this. The fighting between himself and his father was sure to be be worse than usual and father still hadn’t accepted Harry’s pansexual identity. Harry wasn’t dating anyone at the moment, but at this point he almost wished he were dating a man just so he could incense his father.

The door jingled, pulling Harry’s attention away from the window and to the man who had just walked into the cafe.

Now that was exactly who Harry should try bringing home. The man was dressed in ratty black skinny jeans and what was obviously a self cut tank top that used to be a Stone Roses t-shirt. His black chucks had holes in the canvas, indicating exactly how old they were, and his maroon beanie wasn’t in much better shape.

The more Harry studied the man’s smoky eyeliner rimmed eyes and the lipstick he had swiped on to match his hat, the more Harry started hatching an idea. What if Harry really did bring this man home?

Can I Have Your Attention, Please?

tomlinshaw | 16k

the one where Nick develops a crush on the man whose bag he accidentally grabs at the airport. It is obviously just a coincidence that the man shares a first name with the pop star whose Instagram Nick lusts after as well.

This is a Rainbow War

larry | 15k

the one where Harry's a famous singer, Louis is part of his road crew, and after Harry gives Louis a special assignment regarding rainbow flags, things maybe turn out a little differently than either of them planned.

You Turned Up (Like a Friend of Mine)

larry | 10k

the one where Harry disappears on graduation day only to show up on Louis' door looking exactly the same ten years later. Through a series of strange events, maybe they can finally figure out that they're destined to be together, no matter what.

Hey Look, Ma

larry | 8.8k

the one where Louis is a hybrid who agrees to go on a blind date with his neighbour's colleague's son the same night he literally runs into his dream man. Surely this isn't going to end well... or is it?

Great Minds (They Think Just the Same)

tomlinshaw | 8.2k

the one where in an attempt to get the Breakfast Show back to the number one morning show in the country, the BBC brings on Louis as a co-host with Nick. They only thing is they don't really get along... until they do.

Our Love is Timeless

shiall | 6.2k

the one where Shawn falls for Niall, who just happens to be a time traveler. The course of true love never did run smooth.

You're Here, Where You Should Be

larry | 5.5k

three years after having last seen her best friend, Louis shows up at the Christmas party Harry's family throws every year. Old feelings might not be as buried as Harry had thought.

Charisma

larry | 5.3k

the one where Harry feeds on awesomeness (possibly literally). Louis is awesome and also angry. They’re probably going to fall in love

Stealing Flowers

larry | 4.2k

the one where Louis pines after the Sexy Stranger on the Subway and almost asks him out. That's when the strange posters start showing up around Brooklyn.

Oh Honey, Honey

larry | 3.6k

the one where Louis pines after Harry, Harry is passionate about helping save the bees, and a late night shopping trip gone wrong doesn't end quite as horribly as Louis imagines.

Just Like Honey

larry | 3.4k

Louis opened the door and he looked so soft and beautiful. He was in a ratty pair of grey joggers and that was it. Harry had never seen him look so good.

When Harry finally raised his eyes from Louis’ chest, he realised Louis had likely said something.

“Uh,” Harry said, clearing his throat. “Sorry, what did you say?”

Smirking a little, Louis crossed his arms and popped his hip. “I said, ‘Hello, Harry. What brings you here so late on a Saturday?’”

Then his brain kicked in.

“Right, fuck. Hi, Louis. I just wanted to give you this.”

Louis’ brows creased as Harry held the honey out to him. Taking the jar from Harry, he said, “Honey?”

Nodding, Harry said, “Yep. Hope you have a great night!”

Fisting his hands at his sides in frustration, Harry left the building as quickly as he could.

A Taste of Honey

grouis | 3.3k

the one where Louis has been pining after Greg ever since he started his job. Greg randomly showing up at his flat with a jar of honey might be just the push Louis needs to finally talk to the man.

Yellow, Is It Me You're Looking For?

grouis | 3.2k

the one where Louis has pined after Greg for what seems like ages, but when Greg renames the company's paint colors, something might finally be ready to give.

Honey, Honey, How You Thrill Me

garry | 2.8k

the one where Harry pines after fellow Radio 1 DJ Greg James but doesn't know how to start a conversation with him...until he gets the needed inspiration.

Like Honey to the Bee

tomlinshaw | 2.7k

the one where Nick has been trying to find a way to get past the banter stage with Louis for ages, and honey might be just what he needs to finally do so.

If You Want To Be Loved

grouis | 0.4k

Greg can't sleep. For once, he doesn't really mind.

BONUS drabble collections:

Drabbles for Harry's Birthday Drive 2019

multi | 24k

Each chapter is a different drabble dedicated to a person who donated to Harry's birthday drive! The prompt requested as well as the pairing are in the author’s note for each chapter as well. There are multiple pairings due to various pairings being requested by the donors, so please pay attention to that information in each chapter! Pairings include Harry/Louis, Zayn/Liam,, Grimmy/Louis, Greg/Louis, Zayn/Louis, and Niall/Shawn.

It Was Only a Kiss

multi | 15k

I participated in a kiss prompt drabble challenge on Tumblr, and ended up writing thirty-three drabbles! Because of the amount all for one challenge, I decided to post them on AO3 to save them. Each prompt exists on its own without relation to others, so pick and choose as you like.

#happy birthday!#author spotlight #author rec #fic rec #my recs #my lists

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freevoidman · 5 years

Text

Okay I’m reading through Porg’s update so some of y’all can save your braincells and here are some great highlights (under a readmore bc i couldn’t help but tear into a few things she suggested):

Flat out ignoring that Vergil had changed by the end of the game as a result of V and Urizen’s separate experiences.

In trying to make V and Urizen their own character, she throws out the idea of Vergil being manipulated by the Qliphoth/Urizen (??? somehow??? even though the tree is implied to be non-sentient i believe???), with V being a Devil hunter looking through the remains of Mallet Island (which was completely blown up, turned to rubble, and then swallowed by the sea, so... that can’t happen), finding the cane which makes him youthful and not sick but... having the cane makes it so he can only kill demons through the cane??? for some reason??? And he needs the Qliphoth fruit to heal himself and free him from the curse???

How did she make V’s backstory even more confusing and complicated how the fuck did she do that

Almost immediately after bringing up the cane, she instead changes it to be one of the rings he’s wearing because she wants her “precious V” to use weapons other than the cane, which makes all the prior paragraphs about the cane’s curse and only using it pointless. She’s the one writing this fic, why can’t she edit her own work so it’s more cohesive?

Despite saying that V should be a Devil Hunter, she doesn’t explain why someone who is supposed to be killing demons would form a pact with at least three to fight demons. Her rewrite dismisses Visions of V, and she even states later that the manga is a waste of time as it won’t ever be translated into English (which 1) is not a limiting factor to reading it as many people have translated it already and 2) doesn’t dismiss it’s value at building up V’s character, who she supposedly likes the best).

Also, for someone who complains about DMC5 being a rehash of DMC3, she’s sure doing her best to change it to a rehash of DMC1 (Vergil being controlled by an outside force, bringing back Mallet Island, bringing back Mundus [the cane is supposed to be tied to Mundus]).

V apparently can’t be human because she wants to give him a devil trigger, despite having 3 familiars and his own strength. Okay I guess?

Also it’s really fucking sick how she describes V changing, because it’s apparently V fusing with Nightmare? Devil May Cry has never been one for body horror but she straight up says she was inspired by “The Thing (1982), The Fly (1986), Bloodborne, and Resident Evil 7″ for the transformation imagery and I wanted to nope the fuck out of there real quick.

Her segments of actual fiction writing and dialogue are really bad it’s almost like a parody Youtube skit.

She switches between prose and script writing randomly, it’s really odd. She does it primarily with Dante i’ve noticed? Here’s an example I wrote of what she does:

“Hey, don’t stress out about it will you?” Says John following a few steps behind VINCENT: Don’t get your panties in a twist

And that just happens... randomly? Like, there’s no indication why she’s doing that it just happens.

She straight up writes notes in her fic about the controls for character actions in-game what the hell--

She also shamelessly puts in a link to artwork that clearly isn’t her’s (and I highly doubt she got permission to post about) to try and show what V’s Devil Trigger would look like. I couldn’t find it because I don’t know how pixiv works, but that’s just a shitty move, especially with how she treats artists on tumblr when they draw art of Vergil.

EDIT: Porg has now straight up copy-pasted the art into her fic without the artist’s permission which is, we all know, fucking theft. While it is good artistry, is just a weird mashup of Vergil’s and Dante’s. It’s not all that unique and I don’t understand why she had to reference a bunch of body horror shit when all the Devil Triggers in game are essentially just a large flash of light and a seamless transition between forms??? It’s good art, I’m not trying to bash the artist, but... Porg, you could’ve been a little more original here rather than just ripping off another artist’s designs...

Everyone in her fic acts super casually to seeing Vergil alive in the Qliphoth and it’s like... honey, no.

Vergil acts WILDLY out of character holy fuck. Like, I know I should have expected that but this is NOT how Vergil would act in the slightest. She’s pretty much writing an OC.

Building off of this: EVERYONE acts OOC and... it’s not exactly cringey, but it is perfect proof that Porg doesn’t know what she’s doing and hasn’t properly analyzed the characters.

Dante acts weirdly... detached? There’s no sign of him acting like his normal goofball-y self, and he’s much more serious than normal. He actually acts more like cannon Vergil than himself, actually. (He also knows CPR apparently? Which... is a skill he would really never bother learning, so...)

Nero doesn’t act nearly as emotional, and acts calmly for some reason. You can’t feel any of his emotions behind his dialogue, only through the adverbs added to the tags)

V is too informative. He knows way too much about random shit that... no one should rightfully know. I’ll mention it more later, but... V doesn’t act like himself and I don’t really know how to explain it.

Vergil is essentially her OC. Seriously--he’s not as brooding or snarky, he’s far too open and apologetic, there’s practically no sense of rivalry between him and Dante. Weirdly, he acts more like canon V than fic!V does, despite the fact that Porg wants to establish V and Vergil and separate characters. His actions also make no sense when put alongside his canon personality. We aren’t reading anything about Vergil, we’re reading about Porg’s weirdly idealized version of him.

I’m going to make a break in the post here because I feel like this is the part that needs the most attention:

Porg goes OUT OF HER WAY to dedicate a GIANT portion of this chapter to her own OC: Nero’s mom. There are several long paragraphs of establishing the relationship between her OC and Vergil, talking about leaving Fortuna, how they were ‘happy’ and then saying that after a hurricane (inspired by hurricane hugo, you’ll see later) she got separated from Vergil, never reconnected with him, GAVE BIRTH, died from a demon attack with Nero staying near her corpse, and then Nero was found by humans and taken off the mainland to be taken to an orphanage on Fortuna. She wanted a massive amount of time to be taken out of the fun parts of playing Devil May Cry to establish a relationship that would never come back and essentially turn into a 15 minute soap opera inserted into a game about having fun killing demons.

Alright back to the noted highlights.

Porg confirms in her fic that the universe of Devil May Cry happens in the US, and that Fortuna is an island along the southeast coast and I want to fucking rip my eyeballs out at this point.

The ONLY REASON why she is doing this is because she lives in Florida. I know she does, and she just wants to imply that this is all happening near her home turf. How anyone who lives in Florida thinks an island like Fortuna can exist is beyond me though, because playing through 4, most of the buildings are inspired by Italian designs, and no one in the states would build an entire island with italian designs. I’ve been to Florida multiple times--there’s no buildings there even REMOTELY designed to match Fortuna.

EDIT: I have been informed that Porg actually lives in Pennsylvania, not Florida, which makes both more and less sense. Why Florida? Why not a hidden island up on the east coast? Why does this have to be taking place in the states at all Porg???

Yeah, let’s take Nero off the MAINLAND OF FLORIDA after a DEVASTATING HURRICANE and send him to an orphanage on an ISLAND which would’ve been hit the hardest by ANY hurricane. TOTAL SENSE.

She tries to make her own timeline for the series using actual real world dates and events and it’s terrible (she references Hurricane Hugo in 1989, and confidently states that 3 took place in 1990, despite all evidence for the actual dates of events being fan theory established through circumstantial evidence).

There’s so much horror movie inspiration here--not cheap horror, but really twisted shit that... doesn’t fit with Devil May Cry’s tone at all? In the slightest? She references Jacob’s Ladder, plus all the other body horror media I wrote above.

Straight up just tears Vergil’s arm off which sure, I guess we gotta make THAT a parallel between Nero and Vergil. They can have a father son moment over being physically maimed.

In the scene immediately before this, Urizen picks up Vergil by the head and roots around Vergil’s memories (somehow???) to show him all the ‘bad moments’ in his life to traumatize him. She describes it as the audience getting flashes of him falling to hell, charging Mundus, being Nelo Angelo, etc.

This causes Vergil to cry and beg for Urizen to stop. Then Urizen rips off his arm. So. Yeah. Another point for the OOC!Vergil/OC-taking-Vergil’s-place board.

Also this point ALONE made me realize that Porg does not know how much time, effort, and money needs to be put into making assets. Like, the entire fic she was stressing that everything be done in 5′s HD Graphics--including the ruins of Mallet Island, so I have to assume she’d want these little snippets in HD too, which would be a massive money hole creating these assets for one scene that lasts maybe ten seconds total.

I know I stated it in one of my earlier posts, but most of what she’s writing would fit better with a sequel for the reboot series, not DMC5. It would make her OOC writing of Vergil make sense, all the horror movie inspiration and body horror shit would fit better there, especially all the crappy dialogue too.

She somehow made Griffon even MORE annoying than in cannon.

BTW if I had to listen to poetry while fighting the final boss of a video game, I’d sooner turn my PS4 off. Not that poetry isn’t cool and all, but it cheapens the final fight and distracts you. It wouldn’t work.

EDIT: I realized this point made no sense without context, sorry. Porg made the Book of Urizen (the poetry book by William Blake referenced multiple times by V) either weirdly prophetic or made it out like Blake had inner knowledge of demon powers or... something along those lines, and V magically has the knowledge that reciting poetry from the book about Urizen will... harm him? Weaken him? Open a gate to hell (she mentions a portal appearing near him)? It’s very unclear, but she essentially rewrites Urizen as the final boss, and makes it three stages (V [Griffon recites some verses, which is what the first point was about], Vergil and Dante [this is where Vergil gets his arm ripped off btw], and then Nero) with all three of them reading poetry from the book to deal the “final blow” to Urizen. I’d much rather have Vergil be the final boss than have to go through a three-stage boss fight while every character I play as recites poetry to kill the boss.

She mentions Dante using Sin DT against Urizen but I’m pretty sure with her fuckery of the game’s events Dante can’t GET Sin DT? Because there’s no fight between Nero and Urizen where he’d intervene?

COMPLETELY IGNORES VERGIL’S DEVELOPMENT OF WANTING TO TRAVEL WITH HIS BROTHER THROUGH HELL TO ELIMINATE THE QLIPHOTH FUCK OFF.

Also she changed the lore of the Qliphoth so that it sprouts semi-naturally around every 500 or so years? So... shouldn’t leaving the Qliphoth roots be fine now? Since it’s natural?

Nico acts like growing back arms is totally normal

Wrote an INCREDIBLY shoe-horned in moment in the van with Dante filling Trish and Lady in about finding Vergil and everything that happened where, once again, Trish and Lady act almost completely nonplussed that Vergil is alive after 20+ years in hell, with about 9 of those ten years being trapped under Mundus�� control and corrupted by the Demon King

Seriously why is no one surprised in this fic that Vergil survived? Dante has a brief moment before finding him, but everyone finds out and accepts it like flipping a switch (once again--ESPECIALLY DANTE, which is NOT how the grieving process works)

Porg states that the ending is trash because the twins are fighting in hell, but completely ignores that most of Dante and Vergil’s lives have been built on conflict and they like fighting demons, especially Dante. Both of them were happy and doing what they love.

She also completely ignores through this entire thing that Dante was really fucking depressed in the novels leading up to 5 but hey I don’t even know if she can read.

I can vaguely agree that Trish and Lady were sidelined and they should’ve had a bigger role. However, I can’t fault the directors for not doing this, because they were already developing three playable characters with their own unique fighting styles. She writes all this shit about the story, writes notes about controls and mission layouts, but forgets that it takes a lot more than pressing a single button to code a game.

She just doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Seriously, none of these things are cohesive or edited properly, and despite her saying she wanted better for Vergil, or Nero, or Dante, or V, she writes all of them incredibly out of character and doing illogical actions. I just... I don’t get it.

The best part is--I can’t even tell her about these things, or give constructive criticism. She moderates the comments on her fic and isn’t afraid to delete anything she doesn’t agree with or can’t make a ‘passionate rant’ about.

#devil may cry #derelict-stranger #thephantomporg84 #i'm doing y'all a favor here

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horrorhousereview · 4 years

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Creature from the Black Lagoon Franchise

When I decided to watch the Creature from the Black Lagoon, I had no idea that there was a whole series of movies to delve into. I'd only been aware of the one. Like other horror movies before it, however, the sequels couldn't compare to the original, though there was a weird romance to look forward to at the end of the road.

1. Creature from the Black Lagoon

Creature from the Black Lagoon is a typical old-fashioned monster movie, but in spite of its old style, it holds up fairly well. One of the things that impressed me most about the movie right away were the beautiful underwater shots of fish. In the era of black and white, I hadn't anticipated such cinematography. In that vein, the aquatic costume of the Creature itself was actually pretty great. Yes, it's a rubber suit. But it's a pretty good rubber suit.

The premise of the story was fairly interesting. Archaeologists discover remains of an ancient creature while on a dig site in the Amazon rainforest, some strange creature that might bridge land and sea. I remember being struck by the focus on science in the movie, and the lofty goals of the characters seeking to study it. That sentiment isn't something I've seen reflected quite so strongly in modern films.

While the archaeologists find only remains, our Creature is alive and well, and possibly is a nigh immortal version of the dead creature's mate. It attacks and kills a bunch of people, and other than being an exciting find, no one really cares.

That leads me into one of the weaknesses of such an old movie. The depictions of the native people are a little off, and the perception of the Amazon as a wild, uncivilized country (except that they hire natives to help them?) feels problematic. None of this is by any means the worst I've seen, but the foreign depictions did make me a little uncomfortable.

Most of the movie takes place with a group of researchers trying to track down the Creature that was observed to some extent in the start of the film. It takes place aboard a boat, with a group of male researchers and a surprisingly progressive depiction of either a female researcher or at least well informed lady as well.

When the Creature is on screen, it's mostly a lot of rubber-suit shots, dramatic but simultaneously boring fight scenes, and heavy use of orchestral music. When the Creature isn't on screen, those moments are mostly taken up by interpersonal drama about what to actually do about the Creature -- to capture and study it, or to kill it to save themselves, as their encounters become increasingly dangerous.

The ending I would say was mediocre. There was a final confrontation with the death of one of the characters, though I hadn't grown to love any of them so I wasn't very bothered by it. The Creature, as I think is widely known, had fixated on the woman and kidnapped her in a short but iconic scene. In the end, though, the Creature sank into the depths and the rest of the crew made their escape. It tied up the movie neatly but wasn't exactly noteworthy.

In the end, I was surprised how much I enjoyed the movie. In spite of it's shortcomings, I give the film a 7/10.

2. Revenge of the Creature

News of the Creature had spread after the events of the first film, and in this sequel we see a new group of people again aboard a boat in the Amazon, seeking out the creature they'd heard so much of. Now our scientists aren't simply archaeologists, but rather have plans to capture the creature and bring it back to America for study. And indeed, that is exactly what they do.

I thought there was an interesting difference in how the chimps and the Creature are treated by the research scientists. While the chimps had a seemingly loving caretaker, the Creature was "taught" what to do by luring it with food, then admonishing it and zapping it with an underwater cattle prod. Not very nice at all, and it was no wonder to me that the Creature didn't like its treatment. In spite of what could potentially be classed as animal abuse, I was intrigued by the scientists' fascination with animal intelligence, and the idea of evolution. Just like in the first film, science was depicted as wondrous and exciting, and definitely took a front seat.

Of our two main scientists in this movie, one of them is a woman, which was pretty progressive for its time as far as I'm aware. In spite of a fairly predictable sub-plot about scientists in love, it didn't detract from her actual competence in doing her job.

As expected, the Creature escaped its confines, and it wasn't happy with what had been going on. The name of the film is, after all, Revenge of the Creature. Unfortunately, the treatment toward the Creature, while not great, wasn't exactly torture either. In that light, neither is the Creature's revenge too severe, leaving me somewhat bored as a result.

Like the first film, the Creature fights any men it finds, but doesn't fight any of the women (or in this case, children). The Creature also has a fixation on the lady scientist, and like in the first film, she conveniently passes out helplessly as the plot demands. It was almost painfully predictable, but then again this is the sort of movie that birthed such a trope so I couldn't be too mad at it.

In the end, they did get their woman back, and once again the creature seemed to die without leaving behind a body. It ended about as mediocrely as the first film did, but fell a bit more flat because it wasn't that interesting the first time, and certainly wasn't the second.

It was more or less what I expected in a sequel, and while I had nothing major to complain about, I also didn't find it particularly riveting. In the end, I give this film a 6/10.

3. The Creature Walks Among Us

I wasn't that excited to watch yet another movie in the series by the time I got to the third. And indeed, the third film began just as the first and the second -- on a boat somewhere, looking for the Creature. I couldn't help but think they should really stop doing that.

This time, our scientists are doctors, and the main scientist wants to change the creature from an aquatic to land animal somehow, to prove some sort of a point. What? I have no idea, really. It was difficult to care, especially with the interpersonal drama going on throughout the film. We have a woman aboard again, because of course we have to have one. Only this time, she's not particularly likeable as far as I'm concerned. She didn't seem very intelligent, and she shot at sharks. She's also terribly unhappy with her marriage to the doctor, which lead me to wonder why she'd married him in the first place. I couldn't see any reason for their being together throughout the film.

The other male lead spent most of the movie trying to get with the doctor's wife. The doctor spent the movie becoming increasingly irrational and accusing his wife of infidelity. While she strongly protested the other dude's rapey advances, (which I ought to point out, the Creature tried to save her from at one point), she also did sort of have an emotional affair with him. The whole love triangle was cringey, confusing, and uncomfortable to watch.

They did end up catching the Creature, and they did end up somehow changing it into a land animal, at least somewhat. And while they dressed it as a man and remarked on how human it was becoming, they also kept it in a cage outside. They commented on how kind they'd been to it and the one man credited their kindness for its own gentleness, but I was acutely uncomfortable at how they could say such things while keeping the thing in a cage. Is it a sentient being or not? No one in the movie seems to make up their mind.

In the end, things come to a head between the two men and one kills the other. The creature escapes yet again. And the woman who I never really came to like was finally free of an abusive relationship. I'm not sure whether I cared.

Of all the films in the series, this one was the most tedious so far. And while the changing of the creature's physiology was somewhat interesting, and could have opened doors to introspection about what it means to be human or animal, the film only suggested there could be big ideas and never really delivered.

Overall, I'd rate the movie a 4/10.

4. Abbott and Costello Meet the Creature from the Black Lagoon

I wasn't really in the mood for a fourth film after slogging through three, but thankfully this was only a fifteen minute clip of Abbott and Costello. And indeed, it was their classic comedy, with all sorts of ghost stories and strange noises, culminating in Costello coming face to face with Frankenstein and the Creature from the Black Lagoon. Did it really have anything to do with the Creature? No. Did it prepare me for the final film in my list? Definitely.

Final rating? 10/10

5. The Shape of Water

I couldn't cover the Creature from the Black Lagoon without covering The Shape of Water. This supernatural romance, while not a horror movie, features a woman falling in love with our Creature. How could I not watch it?

Right away, when I realized the movie was by Guillermo del Toro, I knew the movie would be weird. I should have known that well enough simply based on the premise, but the director guaranteed it. In that regard, I was not disappointed.

The movie opens with a moody aesthetic reminiscent of Amelie. It starts off right away with arguably unnecessary nudity and masturbation, setting the tone for the rest of this strange film.

Elisa is the main character, and she is a mute woman who is part of the cleaning staff at some secretive governmental facility. She hangs out with her best friend, a starving artist, and largely seems to have a comfortable life. Then the secretive government facility gains the Creature, in order to study it much like the second movie of the Black Lagoon series. However, unlike the Black Lagoon films, this movie is far less focused on the wonder of science. Instead, the movie is dark and gritty, and focused primarily on secret agents from Russia, and the USA and Russia trying to gain a hold over one another by studying the Creature.

Our main governmental character is one of the most horrible to ever grace the screen. There was nothing likeable about him whatsoever. He was horrible to the Creature, to his family, and to his staff, even threatening sexual abuse toward Elisa. It was his job throughout the film to cause me to cringe either from torture scenes or his general personality.

Elisa fell in love with the Creature, and moved by its plight and the decision of the government to kill it, she helped it to escape, with the aid of her artist friend and a co-worker, as well as a convenient Russian secret agent scientist who didn't want to see the Creature die. The plot, while weird, is straight forward when looking at the big picture.

One thing that struck me toward the start of the film was the design of the Creature. Time had marched on, and it was a far cry from the rubber suit of the original. At first, I didn't like the change, but I admit that as the movie progressed I got used to the new aesthetic and even started to enjoy it. Having completed the film, I'm still not sure where I stand on the design over all. There was something very Aquaman-esque about it, rather than fish-man, which I suppose helps the sex scenes feel a little less weird.

The Shape of Water certainly isn't meant to be in keeping with the original Black Lagoon movies, but I couldn't help but compare it again and again throughout. How could I not, given the subject matter? The lack of emphasis on science, and the moody aesthetic I would say detracted from the original. The inclusion of a mute character and a starving artist to spice things up was a bit of a weird decision. But I give props to the much more comfortable inclusion of female characters and Elisa's black friend, which are a relief after the somewhat cringey outmoded culture in the original film.

One thing that the movie lacked for me was a depiction of the Black Lagoon itself. Even in the second of the Black Lagoon movies, we were at the lagoon at the start of the film before the Creature was moved to America for study. Here, I had no sense what it took for them to capture it, or what it acted like in its original environment.

Finally, there's the weird ending. I thought for sure Elisa and the Creature were goners right up until the very last moment. Then, they sort of lived happily ever after... except that the narrator of the story is the starving artist friend, and he doesn't seem to know for sure. I'm left wondering if the final scene was supposed to be speculative and hopeful, or literal for the viewer. I also thought it was interesting that natives apparently considered the Creature a god, and some of the characters from the film thought so too in the end when confronted with the Creature's healing powers. I suspect if he was a god, he'd have escaped himself from the facility long before, and that he just had weird abilities, but I suppose calling him a god is as good as anything. I also have to wonder whether the term god was selected specifically to contrast with the weird Christian fixation of the antagonist. Del Toro is pretty into symbolism, so maybe.

The real question is whether I liked it. I can't say for certain. Like Pan's Labyrinth, I can never really decide what I think of del Toro's work. I award significant points for creativity, but remain ever uncertain as to whether I actually enjoyed the film.

Final rating? 6/10

#horror #movie #review #fishman

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stevenuniversallyreviews · 5 years

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Episode 103: Bubbled

“If I could begin to be half of what you think of me, I could do about anything.”

In the middle of Act I of Steven Universe, Steven saves the Atlantic Ocean, and in the middle of Act II, he saves Earth. These are large-scale victories that show his growing capabilities as a Crystal Gem in the global sense: he’s a defender of the world and all its inhabitants, and has two major accomplishments to show for it.

The end of Act I is more of a personal fight. The only lives at stake are those of the Crystal Gems as they’re brought into space, and Steven takes a more passive role in the finale, helping here and there but ultimately having the day saved by Garnet (and, arguably, Lapis). And it turns out the pattern of a more extreme sequel in Act II continues: in Bubbled, the only life at stake is his own, and despite being far more competent than he was in Jailbreak, he needs to be saved by others once again, because he’s been shattered.

As with Jailbreak, Steven spends a good part of Bubbled with another ornery ruby who gripes “Great! This is just perfect!” and barely gives him the time of day at first. In both episodes he tries and fails to help this ruby: our Ruby runs off on her own in impatience, and Eyeball tries to shank him and must be ejected from his bubble. But something interesting happens when you compare these rubies further, because beyond their opposing loyalties, there’s one major difference between the two of them: Ruby has such a low opinion of herself that she doesn’t think it matters whether or not she gets hurt, while Eyeball has such a high opinion of herself that she dreams of being the hero who defeats Rose Quartz, complete with glory from the Diamonds (and her own pearl). And really, this is one of the things the show is all about.

The flaws of practically every character in Steven Universe come down to the dichotomy between insecurity and overconfidence. At a glance, we can read our heroes as insecure and our villains as overconfident (Pearl and Amethyst good, Jasper and Kevin bad), but the actual lesson is that everyone has insecurities, and overconfidence is more often than not a reaction to it. As we learn more about our smug villains, we see the shortcomings that drive that smugness, and only then can Steven bridge the gap towards friendship. Heck, Garnet is the only truly confident Crystal Gem, and while I wouldn’t quite call her smug, at her worst she evokes the ice cold certainty of Sapphire more than the exposed nerve of Ruby. Like our villains, she begins as a mysterious figure, and her arc in Act II involves letting her Ruby out to become more balanced: she better understands her insecure family by embracing the uncertainty within, and uses this growth to reach out and help an insecure enemy understand her in Log Date 7 15 2.

Garnet might seem to have her act together compared to the other Crystal Gems, but let’s not forget that the emotionally healthiest character in the series is Greg Universe. He’s overconfident in flashbacks, but in the present is at peace with his shortcomings and happy with what he has without needing to compensate. He mourns Rose, but converts this grief into a celebration of his son’s life. Greg isn’t as dynamic a character as the rest because he’s already figured the important things out; he has his missteps, but his core is consistent and largely unchanging, even when he stumbles upon life-changing wealth. Steven tries to be like Rose throughout the series, but it’s not for nothing that Change Your Mind ties self-acceptance to sitting on the beach with a guitar.

I know I’m talking big picture here in terms of the characters and the series, but there’s not much to discuss about Bubbled at the surface level: it’s the misadventure of two enemies that sours to a breaking point, followed by a rescue. It’s actually a pretty slow bottle episode, consisting of a few long conversations broken up by two action sequences, and ending with another conversation. It’s similar in structure to Open Book and Gem Hunt, but far starker than either.

So the big picture is what matters when discussing Bubbled, because it’s a story about how Steven’s inner demons manifest, and will continue to manifest for the rest of the series. After all, Steven himself began as an overconfident kid, rushing into situations he wasn’t ready for and annoyed with not being considered a peer. He becomes far more tolerable after Steven and the Stevens, when he takes this attitude down a few notches and starts trying in earnest to catch up instead of looking for shortcuts or assuming he’s already there whenever anything goes right. But his insecurity is also clear, and now we get to really dig into the unique way this affects his character after examining how other insecurities affect other characters.

Amethyst’s insecurity raises her defenses like a pufferfish. Pearl’s insecurity makes her insensitive to the needs of others. Ruby’s insecurity compels her to verbalize her own worthlessness (while Sapphire radiates confidence and is only insecure when her signature ability to be secure in the future is disrupted). Connie’s insecurity drives her to prove her worth to others. Peridot’s insecurity causes her to belittle others to make herself seem bigger. Lapis’s insecurity magnifies her suffering and minimizes the good. Bismuth’s insecurity inspires her to overcommit to a righteous cause. Sadie’s insecurity lets people walk all over her until she snaps. Lars’s insecurity makes him a huge jerk. And Steven’s insecurity fuels a martyr complex that’s cranked up to life-threatening heights in Act III.

The most important choice Steven makes in Bubbled is a mind-numbingly stupid one: to tell Eyeball that he’s Rose Quartz, and to then do everything in his power to convince her. Eyeball is the reason he learned Rose shattered Pink Diamond, and she has given every indication that she despises Rose for this, and she’s an especially aggressive member of an aggressive team made of Gems designed to be aggressive. Steven’s reveal comes after Eyeball has made it explicit that her lingering hatred of Rose is the reason she even came to Earth. He’s alone in space with someone who will try to hurt him if she thought he was Rose (and who already wants to hurt him), and he has proven throughout Act II that he’s neither dumb nor naive enough to not understand the likely outcome here. But he says he’s Rose anyway, because he’s so obsessed with helping people that he's willing to put his own safety at risk just to cheer up an enemy.

There are other reasons I think it makes sense for him to make such an obvious mistake. He’s definitely in shock, but he’s also grumpy and takes Eyeball’s disbelief as a challenge. This is an irrational decision made by someone who isn’t in a rational state of mind. But this only makes it more compelling that his gut instinct, the essence of Steven that emerges from this emotional turmoil, is to help someone else. We’ve already had a whole episode about balancing the needs of others with the needs of yourself in Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service, but remember, that episode ends with Steven falling asleep standing up, because he ignored his own health to help Kiki learn that lesson.

Steven’s greatest strength creates his greatest weakness. He’s empathetic and sensitive, and can do amazing things because of it, but he needs to value himself as much as he values everyone around him. Act III sees him stumble and scramble through more trying times than ever, and until Connie finally calls him out on it, he compounds his troubles with his self-sacrificial mindset. He’s not suicidal by any stretch, but he decides his own needs are irrelevant when others need help, which ironically makes him more selfish than ever as he determines that he and he alone can save the day and stop his friends from getting hurt. And even when the cosmic scale fades away, his obsession with helping others to distract from himself becomes the driving conflict of Steven Universe Future.

Eyeball works wonders as a foil: she opposes Steven, but isn’t savvy enough to manipulate him on purpose, so his error is both obvious and unforced. Telling her that he’s Rose Quartz needs to say more about him than about the person he’s telling, and Eyeball is just flat enough of a character that she doesn’t steal his spotlight.

Charlyne Yi once again kills it, and little moments do personalize Eyeball further, even if it’s nothing groundbreaking. The biggest, in my mind, is commanding Steven to “find cover, soldier!” as asteroids approach, despite their antagonistic relationship: her instinct to act as a team trumps her personal disdain for Steven, and while he assumes later that the two are bonding, this is as close as I think she actually gets to reciprocating. We see her get annoyed at being called Eyeball, which is a nice and reasonable gripe from a character whose gripes we tend to disagree with. And I love that her weapon is less of a knife and more of a shiv, with a squared edge that implies she’s got a really strong stabbing arm.

Like I said, she’s still flat—we may see her quirks here, but she doesn’t change at all over the course of the episode and we already knew she was a proud warrior Gem with a stubborn streak—but it works. It’s weird to use “flat” as a compliment, but I do mean it as such. She isn’t the real villain here, and “defeating” her feels more like failure than victory: Mindful Education hammers home that this is the third enemy Gem in a row that Steven couldn’t help, no matter how hard he tried.

While Bubbled feels pretty slow, it helps that the whole thing is beautiful to look at. The opening shot of Steven tumbling through space from his own point of view gets us right into the game, and the loneliness and sheer terror of his situation is highlighted with gorgeous, silent shots of space. Steven is processing a huge shift in perspective, and the setting reflects the magnitude of his new reality.

And then, to add an auditory counterpart to the visual story, his rescue is punctuated by Rebecca Sugar finally finishing Love Like You.

The song has played over the closing credits since the beginning of the series, using a variety of instruments before the lyrics trickled in. An acoustic version accompanies the end of Ocean Gem, as Steven celebrates with the humans and the Gems discuss what Lapis’s escape means for the future. A haunting reprise, unrecognizable at first while Steven struggles to find himself, joins the end credits for Act III. And wouldn’t you know, it’s a song about insecurity.

When I first heard Love Like You, and for years after, I was convinced that it was sung by Rose. Rebecca Sugar herself said that it wasn’t written with a particular character in mind, but nope, for me it was definitely about Rose. She’s singing to Greg about how she wants to capable of loving the way humans can, and Steven is the result of the conversation. And I still think that reading stands, and that it matters, but songs can be about more than one thing.

This is the third of four songs that encapsulate the two big lessons I take from Steven Universe. Strong in the Real Way reconstructs the notion of what true strength is, and alongside Stronger Than You, we’re told that what matters most is doing the right thing and being a good person, even when it’s hard, and that healthy relationships (romantic, familial, platonic, whatever) help make this possible.

Love Like You and our fourth big song, Change Your Mind, similarly work as a duo: where the Strong Songs are about the importance of relationships to emotional strength, Love Like You and Change Your Mind address how we as individuals can be strong in the real way. It’s important to have healthy relationships, but it’s also important to love yourself, and Love Like You is about that second part: the most loving network in the world can’t fix your insecurity if you’re unable to see yourself the way your loved ones do.

As Love Like You plays in the background, with the first non-diegetic lyrics we’ve heard in the series, Steven is finally told the truth. Garnet is right that Steven’s mother would have done anything for Earth, and while the details of her misdeeds are hazy at this point, the result is the same. Steven can no longer look to his mother as a paragon of virtue, and even though the Crystal Gems love him, they can’t fix this new problem, especially if their secrecy is part of the problem. They think the world of Steven, and now it’s up to him to see that he can do about anything. He could even learn how to love.

Future Vision!

Eyeball knows Rose Quartz not by her shield, but her sword. And we know Eyeball witnessed the “shattering” of Pink Diamond. And we know that Rose’s sword was built to not harm a Gem’s gem. Hints abound.

The chase around the bubble ends because Steven stops and wonders aloud what would happen if his gem was taken. It’s the first time the subject is broached on the show. It isn’t the last.

We’re the one, we’re the ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!

Bubbled touches on major themes of the series, but in a bubble on its own, the glacial pace hinders the storytelling. This is a great finale, but it’s not that great of a solitary episode. I like it fine, there are a lot of great things about it (the art in particular), but I don’t rank this one very high by itself.

Top Twenty

Steven and the Stevens

Hit the Diamond

Mirror Gem

Lion 3: Straight to Video

Alone Together

The Return

Jailbreak

The Answer

Sworn to the Sword

Rose’s Scabbard

Earthlings

Mr. Greg

Coach Steven

Giant Woman

Beach City Drift

Winter Forecast

Bismuth

When It Rains

Catch and Release

Chille Tid

Love ‘em

Laser Light Cannon

Bubble Buddies

Tiger Millionaire

Lion 2: The Movie

Rose’s Room

An Indirect Kiss

Ocean Gem

Space Race

Garnet’s Universe

Warp Tour

The Test

Future Vision

On the Run

Maximum Capacity

Marble Madness

Political Power

Full Disclosure

Joy Ride

Keeping It Together

We Need to Talk

Cry for Help

Keystone Motel

Back to the Barn

Steven’s Birthday

It Could’ve Been Great

Message Received

Log Date 7 15 2

Same Old World

The New Lars

Monster Reunion

Alone at Sea

Crack the Whip

Beta

Back to the Moon

Like ‘em

Gem Glow

Frybo

Arcade Mania

So Many Birthdays

Lars and the Cool Kids

Onion Trade

Steven the Sword Fighter

Beach Party

Monster Buddies

Keep Beach City Weird

Watermelon Steven

The Message

Open Book

Story for Steven

Shirt Club

Love Letters

Reformed

Rising Tides, Crashing Tides

Onion Friend

Historical Friction

Friend Ship

Nightmare Hospital

Too Far

Barn Mates

Steven Floats

Drop Beat Dad

Too Short to Ride

Restaurant Wars

Kiki’s Pizza Delivery Service

Greg the Babysitter

Gem Hunt

Steven vs. Amethyst

Bubbled

Enh

Cheeseburger Backpack

Together Breakfast

Cat Fingers

Serious Steven

Steven’s Lion

Joking Victim

Secret Team

Say Uncle

Super Watermelon Island

Gem Drill

No Thanks!

5. Horror Club 4. Fusion Cuisine 3. House Guest 2. Sadie’s Song 1. Island Adventure

#bubbled #steven universe #su #steven universally #review

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mermaidsirennikita · 5 years

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July 2019 Book Wrap-up

July was actually a really good month for me! I read a ton of books, and a lot of them were actually pretty good? It’s been a very transitory month for me; and I’m hoping to keep up the momentum as I start a new job. The standouts of the month include War, of my beloved Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse series by Laura Thalassa, and Lock Every Door, a creepy, apartment-centric psychological thriller by Riley Sagers.

What the Wind Knows by Amy Harmon. 3/5. Heartbroken by the death of her grandfather--the only parent she really knew--Anne Gallagher travels to Ireland. Ireland was her grandfather’s homeland, she she grew up on his stories of a family she has little connection with. Going out on the lake, she suddenly finds herself thrown back into 1921, in an Ireland on the brink of civil war. Taken in by Thomas Smith, a friend of her great-grandfather--who himself died young in the conflict--she finds a young boy who is oddly familiar, and a group of people she can’t help but connect with. As she grows close to Thomas and enveloped in his political struggles, Anne becomes terrified of her lack of control over the time she’s in, or the future she’s facing. This is a time travel romance, as you’d probably guess. And it’s really not super amazing or much to complain about. There is fluff. There are the necessary “out of time” moments, the tension between the hero and the heroine. It does seem that Harmon did her research on the Irish political landscape of the 1920s--but I can’t verify the novel’s accuracy. To be frank, I think that this actually got in the way of the story to an extent. The amount of time Michael Collins took up in this novel, acting as like... the best friend character? Was a bit awkward. Otherwise, it’s a fluffy, nice read.

The Unhoneymooners by Christina Lauren. 3/5. Olive and Ethan hate each other, which is awkward as his brother is marrying her sister. But after the entire wedding party--save Olive and Ethan--end up with food poisoning, they agree to go on the honeymoon trip together, to save it from being completely wasted. The plan on avoiding each other the entire time; but when Olive encounters her future boss at the resort and tells what seems to be a white lie, they end up having to impersonate newlyweds. You can probably guess what happens next! Christina Lauren books usually feature protagonists with a fun, sweet chemistry, and this novel is no exception. The beach setting and Olive and Ethan’s angsty, unresolved sexual tension makes most of this book a super fun read. The only reason why I didn’t give it 4/5 is that the last twenty percent or so really annoyed me. There is a very typical twist, which wasn’t the problem--how our male lead reacted to it was. It didn’t ruin the book, but it did make me much less likely to give it a wholehearted recommendation.

Lock Every Door by Riley Sager. 5/5. After losing her job and breaking up with her live-in boyfriend, Jules is desperate for money and a place to stay. As luck would have it, she stumbles upon an opportunity that offers both. The Bartholomew is an old building, populated by the wealthy elite; and Jules has long idolized it as the setting of one of her favorite childhood books. When the apartments are in between owners, their inherent value makes them targets for thieves--which is why the building’s managers employ apartment sitters. Jules is offered $12,000 to live in an apartment for three months; and despite her wariness, she can’t turn that kind of offer down. But when her newfound friend and fellow apartment sitter Ingrid goes missing, Jules sets on to a horrifying search for answers, which yield far more than she’s bargained for. It’s official: I really do love Riley Sager books. He’s 3/3 so far, and this one just may be my favorite. Sager isn’t shy about drawing from classic horror tropes, and this novel is no exception--it owes a good bit to Rosemary’s Baby and The Shining. But of course, another totally out there twist is thrown in, making the story his own. I can’t say much without spoiling it. But if you love thrillers and horror, try it. What pushes the book over the edge for me is that it has a real point about today’s class systems, and the privileges of wealth and the victimization of the poor in America.

The Flatshare by Beth O’Leary. 4/5. Following a disastrous breakup, Tiffy needs a flat, and badly. So when she sees the ad posted by Leon, she’s desperate enough to take it. As Tiffy is an assistant editor and Leon is a night nurse, they have different schedules. They live in the flat together and even share a bed--though they sleep on opposite sides--but never see each other, communicating through notes left about the apartment. At first, it’s stiff--but gradually, as they learn more about one another and their separate troubles (from Tiffy’s obsessive ex to Leon’s incarcerated brother) they begin to rely on each other for more than just room and board... This is a really fucking cute, very sweet romantic comedy that touches on deeper subjects than you might think. The way through which Tiffy and Leon connect is pretty unique, and I felt for both of them. They were pleasant without being annoyingly perfect, and I just had a great time with the novel.

War by Laura Thalassa. 4/5. As the apocalypse rages on, Miriam struggles to live in an Israel ravaged by the literal War--that is, the horseman of the apocalypse. When the supernatural warlord stumbles across her in the battlefield, he’s taken aback by her own fury, and declares that she was sent by God to be his wife. Thrown in with War and his followers, Miriam is exposed to the true horror of the battlefield--while also learning that there may be more to War’s purpose, and her connection with him, than she thought. This is the sequel to Pestilence, and part of a big fat series about women falling in love with the four horsemen of the apocalypse. And I love them. War is a surprisingly endearing hero, though Thalassa never shies away from how brutal the horsemen are--which I so appreciate. You never forget that War isn’t a human, however you may love him. Miriam is another fun heroine, and one of those lovely characters who is honestly quite softhearted but still aggressive and never weak. It’s a cheesy romance novel, and it’s exactly what you should read right now, immediately.

Sorcery of Thorns by Margaret Rogerson. 3/5. Elisabeth is a foundling, raised in the Great Library of Austermeer to take care of its magical grimoires. When the library is attacked and its most powerful grimoire unleashed, Elisabeth is implicated in the crime. Sent to the capital to be dealt with, she becomes wrapped up in a conspiracy, with only a suspicious sorcerer to rely upon. I adored Rogerson’s first novel (An Enchantment of Ravens), and I wish I’d loved this one more. It was well-written, and the characters were interesting, but I just found the story a bit hard to get caught up in. Honestly, I think this had less to do with the plot itself and more to do with the pacing and length of the book. It took way too long for things to get started, and things just moved too slowly for my taste. However, I do think that tons of people will LOVE this book--if sorcery and slow burns are up your alley, go for it!

On the Island by Tracey Garvis Graves. 2/5. Thirty-year-old Anna is happy to take a dream teaching job--she’s tutoring the nearly-seventeen year old T.J. as his family vacations over the summer in the Maldives. Flying separately from the rest of the group, Anna and T.J. are thrown off course when their pilot has a heart attack and crashes into the sea, leaving the two of them trapped on an isolated island. As the years pass and Anna and T.J. survive together, they come to face the reality of a new world--and their changing feelings. I had to read this for the what the fuck factor, basically? To clarify, nothing happens between the leads until the guy is almost nineteen, and by then they’ve been alone for so long that it’s honestly pretty understandable. I feel like this could have been great, trashy fun and it still kind of was, but the writing was so........................................ Not great? It was really clunky and really awkward, and the characters kept repeating things to each other that didn’t need to be repeated. The dialogue took me out more than anything else. But I don’t know, I wasn’t disengaged? It’s a spectacle of a book.

The Royal Secret by Lucinda Riley. 3/5. After the death of acting legend Sir James Harrison, reporter Joanna is set to cover his funeral. There, she meets a mysterious older woman, who sets her on a path to uncover a secret that has been hidden for more than seventy years--connected to the royal family. I don’t have much to say about this one. It intrigued me because it was actually published a little over 20 years ago, but due to the timing--it was written when the royal family was at a peak low in terms of popularity, but published right around the time that the popularity took an upswing--it did rather poorly. It was an interesting enough read, but never grabbed me. The characters felt disconnected and bland, and ultimately the thriller aspects were pretty light, or maybe just not the types that I enjoy. It’s not a bad book, but it’s also not for me.

Three Women by Lisa Taddeo. 2/5. This non-fiction book follows three women throughout the years, focusing on their varied sex lives. This just wasn’t for me. Other people will love it, but I was looking for something less... intentionally poetic. I wanted it to be more honest and upfront and analytical.

The Last Leonardo: The Secret Lives of the World’s Most Expensive Painting by Ben Lewis. 4/5. An account of the history of Salvator Mundi, the allegeded Leonardo da Vinci work sold for $450 million. Lewis writes in an engaging manner, revealing both the painting’s history and the case for and against it being a Leonardo--and what I really love too is his examination of the questions surrounding its value even if it is a Leonardo, considering the painting’s extensive restoration (which could have arguably taken away from the artist’s original hand) and its general quality compared to other works by Leonardo. I’m not sure if people who aren’t into art history or at least history would be into this, but I found Lewis’s skepticism and reserve regarding the topic weirdly refreshing. I have a lot of feelings about Salvator Mundi, and I appreciated the way he communicated his.

The Descendant of the Crane by Joan He. 4/5. After the death of her father, Hesina is left as the heir to the throne. The issue? She thinks that her father was murdered--and in her pursuit of the truth, she seeks help from a sooth, one of the magic-users forbidden by the Eleven, the wise people who restructured the kingdom years ago. She is then set to work with Akira, a thief who’s meant to represent her in court as she struggles to find the killer--but ends up on a path that will reveal more than she’d bargained for. It’s hard to not spoil this one? It has many twists and turns, to the point that it did get kind of convoluted (and the ending is far from resolved, though there’s no guarantee of a sequel). But I admire He’s ambition and the scope of the story. I hope we do get a follow-up!

#books #book recs #book roundup

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citrusandbergamot · 5 years

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do people ever get tired of being critical?

like, it’s so endless. so needless. take the bad with the good, I mean, come on. like, type in RWBY into the youtube search bar and half the videos are reaction ones about why RWBY sucks now, ‘why I stopped watching’ blah blah blah.

like, I get being frustrated and being annoyed that your expectations are not met but seriously

no piece of media is perfect to all people. it just isn’t. it’s really easy for something to feel awesome when it’s new. few things end stronger than they begin. Few things have a strong ending, period. But being so goddamn down on stuff makes the creators feel like shit. It makes people not want to finish things.

You know what’s worse than a character death you hate? A show/series never, ever having a conclusion, something just...drifting away. Like, I don’t super love the ending of Naruto. I actually really dislike it and what’s happened in the sequel. I don’t like most of what JKR has come out and said since the ending of HP. And I fucking hated the epilogue. Words cannot express how much I disliked it.

Can you imagine the agony if those stories had never actually ended? If they had given up, halfway through? Good god, it’d be awful, just awful. The what if, the endless what if. Do you think people are going to love the end of Rebuild? Do you think it can possibly match the expectations that have been building all this time? Eva fans want it to be perfect; they want it to be exactly as good as they imagine. Is it any wonder why it’s been delayed so long? The whole damn thing is probably torture for Anno. Do you think the ending of One Piece is going to satisfy its millions of fans? Maybe, maybe not. And that world is so rich, so complex, so consistent, so deep. It still has to end, eventually. If it’s not everything you want it to be, will that sour all the joy it brought to you before?

Can you name for me things that have met your expectations and exceeded them? things that ended as strong as their original promise, their beginning?

endings are weird, always. Even great endings, there’s often something that feels unfinished. There’s always a let down, it’s just the way that stories are shaped. Eventually the plot twists and the motivations and the consequences have to end, the camera has to stop rolling. Things that feel flat or disappointing sometimes just feel that way because we don’t want things to end, or because we want things to go the way we’ve expected them to. Like, I remember being so disappointed in Revenge of the Sith. And yeah, some of that comes from I think valid criticism of the pacing and emotional depth of the story, but in the end, I’m glad to have had that story, I’m glad to have the prequels. Shitting on them endlessly, needlessly, doesn’t do a damn thing to change it. It only generates more negativity and shitty, reactionary behaviour and stifles creativity, and makes the people involved in the project feel like shit. It doesn’t feel great inside either, all that negativity. Like, what’s the fucking point?

And sometimes endings take a while to settle. Sometimes, it takes awhile to really understand that it was the only way a story could end. I loved the way Life on Mars ended, but I know my brother absolutely hated it. I didn’t like the way Fight Club ended when I first saw it, but it grew on me and now I cite it as a brilliant, brilliant ending. I hate the depressive way Rogue One ends, but that last sequence with Darth Vader is one of my favourite scenes in the Star Wars universe. I actually think Return of the King has a terrible ending, but I understand why Peter Jackson chose it and it still makes me cry. I don’t think having the scouring of the shire would elicited the same emotional reaction. Trainspotting has always been perfect though. I think Supernatural should have ended in season 5, but if it did, we wouldn’t have had the bunker, or Abaddon, or Charlie, or season 8, or the way Jared looks right now, or Sam’s like, complete mental torture since season 6. ...season 4?? And all that shit has been awesome, to varying degrees. All that shit has brought some enjoyment, even if mostly (for me) as fuel for fanfiction. ((It’s brought about other things, more negative and terrible as well. Supernatural fandom would not be this way had it ended in season 5 and the fandom is so goddamn abusive and toxic it’s hard to talk about the good points of the show without bringing that up. But that’s not the show itself per se.))

And yeah, things sometimes live way past their expiration date. I really hate when Sam and Dean have the same old conversation - I want my characters to change. But i also know that other people don’t feel the same way - they want Sam and Dean to always be SamandDean. Take FMA. I think Brotherhood is tighter, more cohesive story. I think the 2003 version is darker, less simplistic, but with a lot more strife between the characters. Which has better growth? The one with the deeper plot/conspiracy and triumphant, satisfying ending? Or the one with the heavier consequences for the individual characters and more ambiguous ending? I love me some Brotherhood, I love it a lot. But remember what happens to Scar and Liore in 2003? Remember who killed Winry’s parents? Remember the final fight with Sloth? Do you remember the final fight with Sloth? Holy shit, holy shit. So I thought Dante was kinda a weak villain. Is that the only thing that matters?

Like....I’m pretty glad I live in a world with both versions. And I really cannot say which one is better, as each has their faults. Being needlessly critical of creative choices is just so exhausting and....well, childish.

Youtube tried to recommend a vid about why Captain Marvel is going to cause the downfall of the MCU. And I’m like....????? it hasn’t even come out yet???? To be that critical before even seeing it?? It’s just plain misogyny entitlement packaged up as ‘intellect’.

No show is going to stay exactly the same. What RWBY was pre-volume 3 is impossible to return to: the world is different post-fall of Beacon. The structure of the characters world, their expecations, their security, their drives...it’s all different now. The show is bigger, has a bigger budget, has better animation. The story, with the world building and the multiple factions and a clearer look at the end game, is so beyond what it was at the start, where everything was new, where Cinder was still mystery and seemingly all-powerful, where we didn’t know what was possible in the world. Where a goddamn Nevermore was the biggest Grimm they’d ever seen. Where Monty was still alive.

The show is going to be different. Different is not bad. Maybe they lost some of the potential but of course it’s going to, because it had to choose a path forward, it couldn’t stay exactly the same...! How could it have? I miss things about the early seasons a lot, but it worked because they could move the plot at a snail’s pace. Remember all those eps about Jaune being bullied? Remember all that shit with the dog and going to class and becoming friends. It was light-hearted and happy-go lucky and that made the action scenes pop and our favourite villain was campy and charismatic and not actually the one in control at all. Now we have darkness on all sides and the mysteries have been revealed for the dangers they actually are, and the emotional scenes and the connection between the characters and their resolve is the only thing that can push back against that darkness. Do I wish it was a little darker at times? Yes, yes I do. But it was always going to be a little simplistic.

It’s a web-series about teenagers. Chill the fuck out, you aren’t entitled to shit.

yes this is about Adam Taurus can you tell, if people couldn’t see it coming I don’t know what to tell you. If you couldn’t see it coming, we haven’t been watching the same show.

#RWBY #RWBY spoilers #entitlement culture #endless critical vid essays are exhausting #my reaction was #ATTA GIRL BLAKE #I'm kinda getting sick of people shitting on creators #like i know its super fashionable to mock and belittle JKR #and yeah her statements and choices post-DH have been a little suspect #she still....created Harry Potter?#she still brought harry potter into the world?#there is no way I'll ever stop loving Harry Potter #no matter how many valid criticisms there are of it or of JKR #no criticism can negate what good it has done for me #same with RWBY #I don't like any volume has much as I did the first 3 #but just because I don't think it's better now #doesn't mean it's not still enjoyable #I love Maria #I love qrow's goddamn issues #I love the animation #i love them overcoming their emotional demons #I adore adore adore everything about the ep with pyrrha's statue #and that ep in the farmhouse might have some of the scariest imagery I'd ever seen animated #if RWBY had succumbed to criticism in volume 4 or 5 #if it had ended before this season #if I had stopped watchin before this volume #I'd be poorer for it #watching Yang finally FINALLY activate her semblance like that #was so satisfying

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aliasmary · 5 years

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John Wick: Chapter 3 - The end everyone wanted but nobody got.

John Wick: Chapter 3 - Parabellum, leaves even the biggest Keanu fans rather disappointed. A whole lot more of jaw-breaking fight sequences - unfortunately leaving little room for the plot progression.

Many fans were waiting for months for the end (?) of their favourite Chad Stahelski film series. Now, the puppy-loving pro-assassin, played by the breathtaking Keanu Reeves, came back for Chapter 3. And, OH Boy, was it a ride. The film doesn't take it's time to reintroduce you to the world and instead jumps into the action right away. It starts where the last film left off. John Wick is only minutes away from becoming the number one target of all of the International Assassin Guilt. We remember how he offended the "No killing in the Continental" rule at the end of Chapter 2 and was now placed under a bounty of 14 Million. Right from the start, the fighting and killing begins. Jonathan is now left alone as an outcast, with no right for help or any sort of transaction, from and with the other assassins. The only way to get out of this intricateness - finding the man on the very top, the head of the High Table. On his way, 'Boogieman' gets into countless fights with the assassins who try their luck at killing him, all without standing a chance against the legend. After overcoming the numerous obstacles lying on his way he finally gets to his destination. John is given the opportunity to clear his record by killing one of the High Table's target, in return, he is obligated to the High Table with his service. Again in New York, he gets entangled in a final showdown between him and the High Table.

One of the main reasons behind the John Wick fandom is, of course, the violence. The fighting choreography is as beautiful and majestic as ever. The fighting scenes are super thoughtfully choreographed and fluid to look at. This time the violence-meter goes up quite a bit as we are presented with more gruesome but creative ways to kill someone. We get a moment of John punching a book into a mouth with all he got, followed by a neck break by the same book seconds later. Or a long and stretched closeup-scene of him, pushing a knife into the eye socket of his opponent. These are the few tasters of the vivid imagery, we get to see in this year's Chapter. The third film surprises with a slight change in temper. Apart from it being able to mesmerize and bringing a whole cinema audience to cringe, these scenes are able to make the audience laugh as if it was a comedy. The camera moves steadily and calm, juxtaposing the fast and abrupt movements of the fight. While still playing and exploring the different possibilities of camera movement. Not to mention the delightful work of the art departure and their choices for fighting locations. With sparkling examples as the New York Library, the Sword-Room or the Continental Conference Room. But nothing of it would be what it is, without the star of the franchise, Keanu Reeves. It is a giant accomplishment of his to master the stunt scenes all by himself with that much glory. The hard training and hourslong repetition, most certainly paid off. Keanu Reeves IS John Wick. Not only in his cool and rough attitude but the credibility of being a true blue hitman. Much respect to his dedication to the series. Aside from Wicks character, the secondary characters were cast very nicely as well. Mark Dacascos, was very fun and freakish in his performance of Zero, the Japanese assassin who got hired by the High Table. Anjelica Huston fitted her role as the Director also very well as the Belarussian disciplined theatre owner. Much praise to Asia Kate Dillon for their performance as the Adjudicator, their over the top strict but badass way of portraying one of the members of the High Table stood out for various reasons. They did a great job building such a strong character for so little screen time. Another reason for the fascination: the stunning costume design for the character. Looking on them alone gives you an intimidating feeling, a modern and chic twist on the ss uniform, a shaved head and a neck-tattoo saying in contrast: "einfühlung" (German for empathy), doesn't make you doubt that they have to be a villain. Halle Berry's character Sofia on the other side falls flat, she as the manager of the Continental in Casablanca has her own unique attitude but feels one dimensional. Her personality is based on one single motivation that she tells you in great detail about. The fact that she has left her daughter to make sure she is safe without her is her key characteristic and it looks like there is not much behind it neither. As a fighting companion, Sofia is a great refreshment and Halle Berry does a great job fighting alongside Reeves. The fact that she is a strong woman in a predominantly male (killer) society, that she can be a mother and kick ass and has a strong motivation like that of saving her child from danger, are all great to see on screen but unfortunately not evaluated to their full potential making Sofia a weak character, rather than a moving or immersive one. Except for some character flaws, the factors mentioned above, were what made the film a fun experience. However, the fighting scenes and Keanu Reeves's performance alone can't carry the whole film on their backs. The reason the film still turned up flawed is because of the weak storyline. The fighting scenes are deployed to hide the lack of general concept. The main focus of the story is not the progression of it, nor the construction of a character-driven plot but to drag the playtime out as much as possible. All of the narrative elements in the film have something to do with the Assassins Guild. This idea was very interesting in the first John Wick movie because it was handled as something outside of the film's focus. You got the scene where John is recognised by the police officer which surprised the audience but wasn't explained any further. The same goes for the first time we were introduced to the Continental, we saw that it was part of a world that existed outside the film but didn't get the explanation of how that world is like. This idea resonated with the viewers a lot because it wasn't meant to be evaluated on and therefore felt natural, yes it exists, but we won't tell you how it functions. The problem with the second and especially the third film is that this thought was completely thrown out the window as soon as the possibility of a sequel arose. The thing with sequels for films that weren't supposed to continue is that you need a story which can be docked onto the one of the first film. There are of course films that have great sequels but it usually flops for the majority of such films. The story of John Wick 3 isn't about John Wicks journey or his character development but a story about explaining how the assassins world and the High Table came to be, and how it works. A variety of things were introduced in this manner, like the one assassin clan of the Director (Anjelica Huston), the homeless society from Chapter 2 and the Casablanca Continental. John is sent back and forth from one location to another and ends up again in the Continental for the thousands time, in the end. The flow of the action scenes gets interrupted by a "and then, and then.." kind of pace. He has to achieve one thing after another, leaving Wicks choices hollow and rushed and the payoff of the high impact events weaker as they could've been. The film was already unnecessarily stretched out to the length of 130 mins, which felt way too long for the amount of real story progression. But it topped it all as it refused to end after the final fight. The series was supposed and expected to end there but the writers decided to have another sequel. This may have been the final struck for John Wick moviegoers since it could have compromised the length and do a sequel, or preferably, create a genuine story that would feel quick and lively for its duration and end on a good note.

To sum everything up: The framework of the film is incredibly executed. The cast is great in their performances, the costume and set design is on point, the camera operation is liquid and the action scenes are hilariously gruesome and fun. The writing and the story, on the other hand, limp behind. The plot seems to be lazily written and primarily sequel oriented. The pace of the story doesn't fit its progression. The characters don't show depth. And it looks like the film tries to lure in its audience with cheap-felt assassin world lore and franchise references. Lastly, it is disappointing to see how the fans got betrayed for another sequel. Sacrificing a developed storyline and a properly timed ending.

- Sunday, 07.07.19

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semi-imaginary-place · 5 years

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KH3 is like half a game, it feels incomplete and clunky. It sets up events that never happen and tries to force moments without having the build up to support them. The game does some things really well and reaches some truly heartfelt emotional beats and solid character moments.

3:48 PM - 31 Jan 20191 reply0 retweets1 likeReply 1 Retweet Like 1 View Tweet activity

The Disney (and Pixar) worlds were pretty well incorporated and mostly able to contribute thematically to the game unlike sometimes in past games were the worlds were kind of just dropped into the game.

The Toy Box much like Halloween Town brings up how dolls/toys/those who begin as inanimate objects can gain hearts. Monstropolis allows a plausible entry point for Vanitas with the connection between fear induced scream energy and the negative emotions of the unversed.

Of all the worlds, I enjoyed Sora's time with the Big Hero 6 gang the most. Their interactions felt genuine and I had a lot of fun watching them. It also had the most complete arc of the worlds with the continuation of the movie's theme of living after loss.

Most of the worlds' story arcs felt incomplete. Starting in Olympus we are left hanging with Pete finding Pandora's box and the city in ruins. The story just kind of ends. There also was not enough time and build up to give significance to Hercules' choice to rejoin the mortals.

In Twilight Town, with all the discussion surrounding hearts and data from Coded to KH2 to KH3, that a whole other Twilight Town exists was completely dropped. It felt like the game was leading the audience somewhere and then never followed through.

With the Toy Box, the Sora, Goofy, and Donald leave and don't come back with Woody, Buzz, and the others still stranded in another world just hoping to one day meet Andy again. The search for Andy and the other toys is the main arc for this world and its never resolved.

While some worlds aren't quite as obviously half a story arc, all of them could have used more time. Many of them assume you have already seen the source material. In Frozen, Hans being the villian is the big twist but with the first half of the movie cut, there's no impact.

Pirates of the Caribbean makes no sense to anyone who hasn't seen the movies. I wish there was a scene of Sora unlocking Tia Dalma given how it was setup to happen. There was good characterization for Sora here though on how both he and Jack are free spirits.

The Winnie the Poo part while sweet (because I love Winnie the Poo sections) doesn't go anywhere. Sora just loses his connection with Poo and disappears from the cover, and then a few mini games later he's back. Sora's comment on how their bond has weakened never goes anywhere.

In the other games you search for lost pages or help Poo regain his memories, here there is no story. It's a lost opportunity to do, well something, but that can be said of much of the game. They could have used this part to talk about how relationships must be nurtured.

The ending also fell a bit flat because of the buildup-payoff problem. The game tries to show the characters despairing only for someone to swoop in and give them hope. The problem is that in the Keyblade Graveyard they do this so many times it loses its impact.

Given the amount of stuff this game should have resolved, not enough time was spent on that. Instead precious time was spent trying to create sequel hooks. In doing so, the cohesiveness of the game as a unit was compromised. The game was too short for all they tried to achieve.

At times the narrative would point "Look! its a happy/sad/intense/etc. scene", but without a proper build up, these scenes lacked emotional weight.

I'm conflicted on KHUX in KH3. I liked Chirithy reuniting with Ven, Laurium possibly remembering, and Strelitzia's maybe cameo. The black box stuff could have been cut. Its to connect KHUX with future games, but it does nothing for the Xehanort saga and bogs KH3 down.

Then there is the mysterious girl with connections to Lea, Isa, and Ansem that we are only hearing of now. Who is she? Is she Ava? I don't know but they should have saved it for another game.

I thought all the keyblades of the Union members coming to help was a nice touch, but why did Ephemer of all people show up? He was a Dandelion; the player was the one who chose to stay (except the player has no canon appearance in khux which makes them hard to depict).

On one hand I got really excited looking for my KHUX username but on the other hand it was a little too 4th wall breaking and took me out of the game. The other 4th wall leaning scenes with Axel didn't do it for me either.

I did like the definitely-not-instagram loading screens. They were just this side of absurd to be amusing. It was cute. Humor is a subjective thing but I didn't like the increase in jokes in this game. It broke immersion for me.

Some were funny like Verum Rex. Others though felt forced. KH3 had more Donald, Sora, and Goofy poking fun at each other. At first it was fun, but then they kept doing it and it got old.

Maybe its because of all the jokes and narrative problems broke my immersion in the game or maybe its because I'm older now, but KH3 wasn't as magical an experience for me as the other games.

I don't mean magic in how many spells Donald can cast but in that sense wonder, that the extraordinary is possible. That sense of magic is why the Roxas prologue of KH2 is one of my favorite parts of the franchise.

Part of it also is that the section where Sora goes saving everyone's hearts from the Lich after they "died" didn't reach me emotionally. Which is a shame since the part right before where Sora runs around in the Final World and talks with the stars is one of my favorite parts.

I was surprised we didn't see more Dives to the Heart and battles at the center of the heart given the Terranort, Ventus-Vanitas, Xion, etc. After Sora got the power of awakening I was expecting him and Riku to use that to free Xion and Terra.

And then we would get an epic battle where Terra finally kicks Xehanort out of his own body. I also wanted to see Aqua beat up Xehanort. Aqua's suppose to be super strong from spending 10 years in the Realm of Darkness.

Kairi deserved better. Kairi deserved more. 3 games (II, 3D, III) on how Kairi trains to become a keyblade wielder and she doesn't get to do anything. Why was she kidnapped anyways? The answer is to give an excuse for Sora at the end to have a "I must do this alone" moment.

Kairi was kidnapped just so Sora could angst over her and so he could go save her. She deserved better.

The developers really pushed the Sora-Kairi romance this game. I was disoriented since we since the last game we saw a lot of romantic indications was 17 years ago in KH1. Riku got third-wheeled this game.

Enough complaining, parts that worked pretty well/were well executed: Big Hero 6, Monsters Inc, Sora finding the Door to Darkness in Destiny Islands and Aqua returning to the Realm of Light, Sora's interaction with other characters(Rapunzel, BH6, Jack, etc), the Final World.

Visually the environments are amazing! I was so happy running around everywhere. Its pretty. (and the heartless are cute)

KH3 was on the low side for number of worlds visited. Again, I'm surprised how (comparatively) short the game is. There was a lack on Final Fantasy characters as well (or well videogame characters given how TWEWY was in 3D).

I would have loved to see a Moana world. Moana, Maui, and Sora interactions would have been great. Thematically it would have worked too since Moana's plot centers on how Te Fiti losing her heart changed her.

In every KH there's always been some wham moments and that didn't happen to me at all in KH3... until the every end with Luxu. Many of us have been suspicious of Xigbar for a very long time. His organization chair height is too high. He seems to know more than he should...

As much as I am complaining, I do like the Kingdom Hearts III. Its a good game.

I've said it before, but KH:coded is a thematic summary of the entire series and one of the important points in that game is how Data Sora understands hurt. Data Sora understood how to live through hurt and this is something we see Sora learn as well through the games.

In CoM Sora did not understand this. All the way to 3D he did not know how to deal with hurt so when Roxas shared all his pain, that contributed to Sora sinking into darkness. In KH3 though Sora has grown and can accept hurt.

I would have though liked to have seen a more overt conclusion to Sora's relationship to darkness. Sora has always had darkness in him, he's not a princess of heart (or Ven) and there were hints before KH3 that he was falling to darkness.

Anti/Rage form are a manifestations of that darkness. Maybe this was just sloppy character writing, but Sora is noticeably meaner during KH2 and at the end he says "maybe the darkness has gotten to me, too". In KH3, besides rage form Sora's darkness isn't directly addressed.

Back to UX. The devs connected the epilogue, the secret reports, and UX well. That's all that was needed really. From Backcover we already know the black box is important. KH3 shouldn't have wasted time focusing on it.

And about X girl )Shuld?? idk). It really is awkward how they bring her into KH3. If she's the reason Lea and Isa got into this mess they should have dropped a line in 358/2 or one of the other games something like "Don't forget we're doing this for her"

Another good scene was Aqua giving Ven head pats. This gave me life.

Scala ad Caelum was built inverse on top of Daybreak Town. I didn't notice! Never mind what I said earlier, there's the "oh shit... what" moment. I'm just going to sit here mind blown thinking of all the implications...

#kh #kh3 #kh3 spoilers #spoilers #i really did like the game #kingdom hearts

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bluerosesburnblue · 5 years

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Liz Liveblogs Bravely Second: Chapter 6, Part 2/2 *FINALE*

Well, nothing left for me to do now. I guess it’s time we finally hunker down and beat this game. I started this liveblog series on January 14, 2017 (July 23, 2016 if we include the Demo) and now, almost two years later, we finally see the end (layer) of Bravely Second

Before we get to the actual story I’d just like to say that I currently have five level 99 Apparati hanging out at Fort-Lune. FIVE. Jeez, somebody share something else for a change! This is why I share any Redshirts, Urchins, Goldies, or Turtle Doves I see! It’s also why I hate it when games make you rely on communication features for 100% completion. Stop that. It always goes poorly

Well, regardless. There’s a certain fairy waiting for... well, not us, but someone down at Norende Chasm and I intend to finish what I started. You got me into this series, Anne! You did this to yourself!

Feels weird to be back at the first ever dungeon in the series. I don’t know if it’s new for this game or if it’s always been there, but if you look off the edge of Norende Ravine you can see a river flowing at the bottom, beneath the fog. And “Dungeon of the Nature” is a great scene-setter, as always

This Party Chat is certainly something. Tiz is just reminiscing about being back and how as kids they were told to stay away due to monsters, but of course everyone played there anyway. And then when Norende was swallowed by the Chasm, he raced through here to see it with his own eyes, and there met Agnès, who would change his whole world. And they came back, again and again in each world. Finally, this was the path they took to the end last time. The place they went to reach the Dark Aurora to chase down Ouroboros. Norende Ravine is the most visited spot in the game in terms of plot, and you’d think it would get old but it doesn’t. “How many more times... will we walk down this road?” And Edea replies “As many times as we have to! Until we’ve wiped away those terrible memories once and for all! [...] The next time we walk down this road, it’ll be to visit the new Norende Village - the one you helped rebuild!” I never expected the game to bring up the Norende Village... minigame, I guess you could call it? I’m so glad they did, and I’m so glad that Magnolia and Yew declaring that all four of them would visit it together is what cheered Tiz up

...I didn’t realize I had 99 X-Potions? I guess my healers have just been really good so far

Oh Aaaaaaaaanneeeeeeee~ Guess who’s heeeeeeeere~ I’m gonna straight up kick your ass for what you did last timeline! And, presumably, whatever you were up to last game!

How predictable that we’ve come to stop you? Do you know what we’ve done since I found out you were here? You had every opportunity to disappear and didn’t! What, have you just been sitting here for a week? I think you’re the predictable one

Also, nice demonic cloud cover. I’m really feeling the glowing red mass underneath these near-black stormclouds

“Your master? But the kaiser is... Denys is gone...!” Bold of you to assume Denys was actually in charge of anything. I thought it was pretty obvious he was out of his depth when Anne mentioned her master and even Denys was confused by it

Hm. “Lord Providence, ruler of the Celestial Realm!” I’d heard that name thrown around before I even started playing the game, but “ruler of the Celestial Realm” is new. Given that his name means “God’s protection,” I guess you mean ruler as in “a deity” and not “a high ranking political figure”

Man, at the angle her head’s at, Anne’s hair protrusions really do look like antennae. It just hasn’t been obvious before I got this angle on her

How the hell is Providence supposed to enlighten anyone if they’re dead, Anne? That’s dumb. Your master’s dumb. Death isn’t enlightenment, it’s just death.

And Providence got all upset that the Moon people were killing his Ba’als, so he sent Anne to deal with it by destroying the moon. But screw that plan! There’s a Celestial shortcut right here! But you know, if something can get from the Celestial Realm to Luxendarc, then I don’t see why the opposite can’t be true, too

And, well, shoot. If Providence is the “ruler of the Celestial Realm” then we couldn’t have Ouroboros getting in! So Anne had to deal with Airy. Or rather, have us deal with Airy. And then she had to get someone to summon the Holy Pillar to take out the moon, and found Denys. Both games have all been thanks to her manipulations. Man, fuck Cryst-Fairies

“Hold it right there! That’s my brother you’re talking about!” You tell her, Yew! Rip her a new one! I’ve got your back!

Fuck, she did the same thing to Denys that she did to the player at the start of Bravely Default. Read us like a book and played to the key aspects of our personalities. Denys’s sense of duty and idealism, the player’s sense of duty and determination to see things through... hell, it’s almost like she read into my completionist tendencies and knew I’d do dumb shit like grinding to max level and job levels and getting the best equipment. Ouroboros didn’t stand a chance once that was thrown into the mix

“Why, he was even ready to kill his own precious little brother for his ‘duty.’” Can I take the use of “precious” as confirmation that it was actually a hard choice for him? Because Denys isn’t here to defend himself and never did get around to talking about it when he was here

I don’t think I’ve ever heard the word “dupe” used as an adjective. Most people go with “dope.” You’re weird, Anne! You’re weird and also a huge bitch!

“Denys died to save this world...” Is he actually dead though!? Like, no seriously, is he? Or is he just stuck in a situation that he will probably die in? Because one of those is potentially fixable in a sequel. ...actually, maybe both of them are fixable in a sequel. Situation’s unclear at the moment

“When Lord Providence descends, Luxendarc as you know it will be completely and utterly destroyed.” If he descends. If.

Yeesh, Anne, cool it with the shade! I know Denys’s kind of an idiot, but you don’t need to say it every other line!

Oh wow. Whoah. This... everything on screen is gorgeous right now? The glowing blue and gold bits on Anne’s final form, the translucent pink butterflies in the background against a starry night sky... yooooooooo. And I thought Airy’s final form was pretty

“Wicked Flight” is still a better boss song, though. Heck, the music right now isn’t even as good as Anne’s last battle theme, and it’s just a remix. I think removing the Spanish guitars and replacing them with a wailing rock guitar really does the song a disservice

That T-pose looks real dumb, Anne. Knock it off

It’s really fascinating what she says here. Humans are born without purpose, so they spend their lives lost and weak, constantly searching for something to live for. She, however, was made with a specific goal in mind, and always feels fulfilled because of it. And I don’t think she’s entirely wrong to observe that human beings spend so long looking for acceptance and purpose, and that the struggle to find some is central to most people’s lives. Heck, I don’t feel like I have a purpose most of the time. But I think, until I find one, if I just keep trying to do good then it’ll be enough. And the good thing about being born without a purpose? You get to find one you like, eventually

Cryst-Fairies are created by the gods to serve them. Anne is the older sister, but never really cared much for Airy, since Airy served someone who would destroy the Celestial Realm, where Anne’s master resided and controlled. Which... I suppose leads me to believe that they were created by different entities, and yet all Cryst-Fairies see themselves as siblings, regardless. Maybe it’s because they’re made of the same stuff? Like a half-sibling thing? Where one “parent” is the magical essence that they’re made of, and the other is the god that used it to create them?

Did Airy even know she had a sister? Like, was she even aware Anne existed? I don’t think she ever, once, mentioned her

Man, this game has a weird theme of “older siblings attempting to murder their younger siblings for a cause”

Oh, good. She can set someone’s max HP to 1. And she used it on Edea. Because even at level 99, Edea has to die at least three times per fight

I don’t think she expected Quadruple Meteor Rain Yew, though. That’s what you get for shit-talking a Geneolgia’s family

Oh. She didn’t even revive. Nice

Funny enough, Anne, Yew learned that secret technique after I knew you were here. So, you know, you had plenty of time to avoid that

If Lord Providence is gonna be here any moment now, then he is really taking his time meandering down the Celestial shortcut

Oh, geez! Altair, don’t sneak up on me like that! Holy shit, the sound of his voice startled me

There’s no need to apologize for Providence using Vega to create the Ba’als. You’re both just victims of an uppity god. Though, as a Celestial, I don’t suppose you have any info on your supposed “god,” Providence?

I love how on the same page Yew and I always are. Altair is family now, of course we’re gonna save Vega. Even if none of us know her, she’s special to Altair. And family of our family... is as good as family, too

Ahahahahah! “Yeah! We’re going to crush a god!” Never change, Edea. We’re upgrading from Ba’al Busters to God Crushers!

Altair just called them “my children”! Team Dad! Team Dad! Team Dad!

“Come, Yew! Let us deliver our pièce de radicchio!” ...let us deliver our piece of leaf chicory? Excuse me? Is that supposed to be like “Let’s serve Providence a bitter meal he’ll regret eating?”

Altair, normally I can at least follow your vegetable proverbs, even if they fall flat, but that one was really... uhhhhh?

So the evil fog in the Chasm is a sign that the Dimensions are in flux. “A holy battleground and an angel’s descent. A chasm of darkness and a glimmering ship.” Would that be the Ouroboros fight, or whatever Sylvie was prophesying about?

Clear the mists and reveal the path to the Celestial Realm. Hey, can’t all of us summon Hresvelgr right now? Can we get him to blow it away?

Ah, we’re using Agnès’s pendant, which can connect people between various worlds. It’s already a spacetime anomaly. Neat! I love it when they use lore, especially something like this, which has been established since the start of Default!

And now they pray, with the help of the pendant, to lift the fog. It’s not enough, so they call Agnès to pray, too! It’s still not enough. Yew cries out for help, for anyone to give them strength. In other games, I could see this leading to a pan-out where everyone in the world prays with them...

But here, they just need me. Time to mash “X” like the good old days and clear the clouds away for my favorite team

Aaaaahahahahahahahah. Ahahahaha! Oh. Oh god. So they use the 3DS camera to put your face in the Chasm once the clouds are cleared but oh man. Oh nooooo, that angle. That was not a good look. At all. I started laughing so hard I had to put my 3DS down. Ohhhhhh. Oh man, that’s a heck of a look for the first time the party gets to see my face. Imagine the first time you get to see your spirit guide and it starts cackling and the connection dies for a few minutes. I’m sorry, guys! I’m really - ahahahaha - really sorry!

I do adore how the Bravely series utilizes the fourth wall. The Celestial Realm is (or is at least based on) our world, and every time they depict it (so, this scene and the Ouroboros fight in Default), they use the 3DS camera. The player is every bit a real character in this game’s universe, and they do a hell of a job merging the two using existing elements of the 3DS hardware

God, nope. Still can’t look at it. It’s like a fun house mirror in there! I get that it’s supposed to be at the bottom of the Chasm, so that’s the angle it’s at, but it looks freaking funny!

I’m glad you’re all so focused on Vega and none of you are reacting to my mug plastered at the bottom of the Chasm. It’s still there, even after the cutscene

Oh. I know that place. That’s the background of the Snowcap Ba’al fights. Welcome to the Via Celestio, path to the Celestial Realm, altered based on Vega’s memories

And I guess Altair is going to explain what each Ba’al represents as we go though, which he’s only willing to tell us because we’re all pals now

Ba’al vi: Snowcap - Represents the day that Altair and Vega met, with ski lifts as its background. Altair was vacationing at a ski resort, and sat next to a young woman on the chair lift. They got stuck up there when the weather got particularly bad, and Altair noticed how scared she was, so he picked a flower from one of the trees their lift stopped near (good reach, buddy) to cheer her up. Despite that moment, though, Altair never got her name, and never saw her again before his vacation was over

Oh, don’t be so cheeky, Magnolia. “Though some might say giving a flower to a girl you just met might be a bit forward.” It worked on you, didn’t it?

So, I guess Altair and Tiz are going to be switching back and forth for this dungeon. And Tiz is conscious when Altair’s in control, since he heard that? That’s existentially terrifying

The glowing gold platforms, surrounded by the already very pretty Ba’al fight backgrounds makes for a gorgeous area... but I’m not feeling the music at all. It’s way too dramatic, with blaring sounds, militaristic drums, and weird wind ambience. I get what it’s going for, since this is the final dungeon and should be suitably intense, but it’s really incongruous with the location’s aesthetic, and also doesn’t fit the emotional tone of Altair nostalgically recounting his life together with Vega as we go to free her spirit. Something like this would fit better in a final dungeon like the Dark Aurora, where we were in an unearthly void on our way to the Infernal Realm. I know I mention “Dungeon of the Nature” a lot, but I really wish the Via Celestio music was more similar to that than, say, “Tower,” which is the music they used for locations like Eternian Central Command, like what we got. I’d actually have really loved if the music here was just Altair’s theme, but with the larger, orchestral sounds of “Dungeon of the Nature.” Something melancholy and soft, but no less grand. Altair’s theme played on piano, but with chimes and a string backing track

I actually don’t like “Tower.” At all. I think it’s probably the worst track in the game. It’s just so dissonant, and I turn my sound off every time I go into a dungeon where it’s playing

Alright, kids, it’s been fun, but you’re gonna have to turn off Obliterate for a sec so we can get those last three Catmancy skills

Okay, I don’t get Luxendarc sometimes. You kids have ketchup and baseball, but Altair had to explain what skiing was? You mean to tell me someone figured out how to make a specific type of tomato-based sauce and independently came up with the rules for baseball, but no one thought to tie planks to their feet and slide down a snowy hill with them on? Seriously, guys

Yew asks everyone what their plans for the future are. Edea says she’s gonna help with the Eternia-Orthodoxy peace talks, so she and Yew will probably still be working together. Tiz just wants to retire to Norende at age... 19? I mean, I don’t really blame him. He did die several times and kill multiple gods. I’d want a break, too. And Magnolia feels she has to return to the Moon and finish helping everyone there recover. Yew is disappointed. It’s a hard position to be in, you know? He loves Magnolia and will miss her dearly, but he also knows how much the people of her home mean to her and he would never come between her and them

Ba’al v: Urchin - Represents the day Altair and Vega met again in the spring, when Altair was transferred to work at the place Vega did, with its background being the rainy exterior of an urban office building with a couple that occasionally passes by, sharing an umbrella. There are little flower gardens, and a city skyline can be seen in the distance. As Altair tells the story, we see silhouettes of himself and Vega acting it out. Or at least, I assume it’s them, since “Altair” looks a lot like Yew in an ankle-length trench coat and “Vega” is just Magnolia’s researcher costume. Altair was an extremely successful scientist, but his superiors grew jealous of his skills and transferred him to a remote, less prestigious location. Altair was so distraught to be there that he ran right out into the storm. Right into acid rain, due to severe pollution in his homeland. Unbeknownst to him, however, he had been transferred to the very place Vega worked, and when she saw him run out, she followed him and offered to share her umbrella. Altair muses how this means that at the time, Vega must have remembered their first meeting on that ski lift, since it became a Ba’al, and he chuckles quietly to himself. Fate, indeed

So the last room had little snowy trees peppering the walkways, and here it’s rainy streetlamps and road signs. God, I love the visual design here. And now that I’m not fighting the Ba’al, I can get a better look at the gorgeous backgrounds

Ba’al iv: Goldie - Represents Altair’s first date with Vega that summer, where he confessed his growing love to her, with an absolutely gorgeous background of a Japanese festival. Lanterns and trees surround a single torii as fireworks go off in the sky above. The appearance of Goldie comes from their attempts to play the goldfish-scooping game they have at Japanese festivals

This is all coming across as so incredibly sad. Altair loved Vega with all his heart, but it sounds like he didn’t even really realize how much she cared for him until right now, where he’s seeing exactly what memories she treasured. And is seeing them twisted and used against the both of them

And Edea’s noticed something else. Meeting in the snow, sharing an umbrella, goldfish scooping... Yew and Magnolia have been unintentionally reliving Altair and Vega’s romance. No wonder he’s so adamant that Yew confesses sooner, rather than later. Altair knows how this story ends

Our little set dressings this time around are floating lanterns. I’m actually surprised there aren’t mini fireworks bursting around them

Most of the enemies in the Via Celestio don’t add a heck of a lot to the lore, but one does: the Spartan. It’s the final variation of a specific type of automaton we’ve been seeing throughout the game, that Altair comments on every time they show up. Turns out, Altair invented them to be caretakers for the Celestial Realm! They uh... I don’t think they did that great a job, but it’s the thought that counts!

And the Bestiary entry is basically “Okay but how do rocket punches and optical camouflage... help? With caretaking?” “I dunno! But isn’t the technology awesome?” Altaiiiiiiiiir

Ba’al iii: Apparati - Represents the struggle Altair and Vega faced together as they tried to continue their research despite the improper equipment and poor funds afforded to them, enhanced by the depiction of the interior of a laboratory with static-y, crackling monitors all over in the background. If we’re following the pattern, then the falling leaves and bare trees outside the window indicate autumn. Vega really kept Altair’s project going, by sneaking restricted data out of the archives for him and coming up with creative solutions whenever he hit a mental block. And when their hard work paid off and Altair’s hypothesis was accepted as scientific fact, then he knew he was absolutely in love with Vega, the woman who supported and aided him and who constantly encouraged him to be his best self. He was a different, better person around her, and he knew it

“If attraction is gazing into one another’s eyes, then true love is setting those eyes on the same shared goal... or so my theory goes.” I can’t say I have a lot, or really any, romantic experience, but this is something I believe strongly. A romantic partner is someone whose skills and personality differ from yours, but also complement yours, and yet who strongly value the same things you do. If you can’t agree on what’s most important to you, then you can’t connect on a deeper level. And I’m not saying, like, find someone who thinks exactly as you do! Because that’s not healthy. But find someone who you can agree on the important things with

Also, love that Altair distinguishes between “attraction” and “love” because they’re very different things, and I so often see people conflate the two

Seriously, guys, leave Yew alone! He’s 16 and this is his first foray into romance. That’s scary and overwhelming!

And there’s bookshelves and stacks of books with desk lamps on top littering the pathways

Ba’al ii: Redcoat - Represents the night that Altair proposed to Vega over dinner. Honestly, this is my favorite Ba’al fight background. It’s just a very pretty, snowy, city skyline with a tall tower and a suspension bridge in the center, but there’s something so beautiful about how simple it is and the shade of light blue they used for it. Altair describes it as a holy night, and since Redcap is a demonic Santa hat tangled in lights, I can only assume he means Christmas. Poor Altair, however, couldn’t afford a wedding ring. Their program funding was awful, after all, and what they gave him for personal pay, he spent on more research to make up for what they didn’t give him. Vega told him she didn’t mind, but he still felt incredibly guilty about it. They married with a small ceremony, and Altair eventually bought her that ring... right before the trip to Luxendarc that tore them apart forever

Altair tells everyone not to despair, since he lived a good life and had goals that he truly believed in that he knows he gave his all working towards, and I can’t help but think back to Anne’s speech about purpose. Altair isn’t technically human in the Luxendarc sense, he’s a Celestial, but he managed to find his own greater purpose and it made him stronger

“You must all live your own lives as well. Have courage! Be brave enough to default on the expectations of others!” WE DID IT BOYS, PACK IT UP, WE GOT A TITLE DROP. In all honesty, though, I love what the games say the symbolism of each title is. To “Bravely Default” is “to have the courage to go against the expectations of others” and to “Bravely Second” is “to have the courage to try again,” and by doing each of those can you get the best ending in each game, further enforcing their message (even if I thought it was a little botched in Default. You're supposed to be going against what Sage Yulyana says... by following Airy, who you were going along with from the start, so there’s really no “courage” involved. Gameplay-wise you never actually disobey anyone, because you completely obey Airy, though I suppose you still have to disobey Sage to an extent, who you trust more at that point)

Tiz has a point, too. Maybe Altair is content with the life he had, but it’s still not fair for all of his efforts to be rewarded with his and Vega’s suffering

Our road-markers in this room are banquet tables with a nice Christmas dinner on them. I was hoping for Christmas trees, but that’ll work, too

Seems like this is our final Tent Event. Magnolia’s cooking is fantastic as always, but the stress is getting to Edea. She’s so worried she can barely even eat, and Altair’s story has really shaken her. Of course it would effect her the most. She knows better than anyone what it feels like to be separated from someone you love across time and space. They’ve packed the leftover food for sandwiches. They’ll eat when they’re ready. One more megalixir, as a gift from our fox friend who I notice found his way into a dimensional rift, and we’re on our way

The final room is a straight bridge, adorned with roses, candles, and floral archways. The background is a church on a hill, blossoming trees on either side and doves soaring across the sky in the background. Ba’al i: Turtle Dove. Altair and Vega’s wedding. This one doesn’t need an explanation from Altair. Just one last save point between us and the end. Don’t think I haven’t noticed you’ve somehow gotten in here, too, Adventurer.

“This is it... our final battle!”

“Let’s do it!”

We’re in a chapel, with nothing but soft wind. Unlike the silhouettes of the Ba’al backgrounds, this is undeniably physical. And gorgeous. Very Baroque in its architecture

Vega’s voice is so much softer than I imagined it would be

I thought she sounded familiar. It’s Eden Riegel, who also voices Anne, so her range is commendable. For those curious, she also voices Iris in Final Fantasy XV, Devola and Popola in NieR and NieR Automata (I think what tipped me off was how similar her Vega and Popola voices are), Marie in Persona 4: Golden and its spinoffs, and Estelle in Tales of Vesperia. And those are just the ones I recognize! Her older brother is Sam Riegel, also a voice actor of renown and player on the D&D show Critical Role, which exclusively stars voice actors. Sam’s great, and probably one of the funniest people on that show. Good to see Eden’s doing great work, too

I guess the thing of note, though, is that she is NOT the voice who narrated the ends of Chapters 1-4 as I had suspected. Her voice is decidedly softer and not British. But if that wasn’t Vega, then who?

She’s so lost in her despair. She’s begging Altair to explain why he left, and why he didn’t come back. She won’t even listen to him explain that he tried, that he died and just couldn’t make it back

Someone told her the wrong meeting place to meet Altair that day. The reason she wasn’t on the ship was because someone didn’t want her on the ship

Ohhhhhh I did not like the voice distortion on “Why didn’t you protect me? Why didn’t you keep me safe!?”

Fuck, Altair? Altair! He just collapsed screaming with black and purple mist coming off of him. Black and purple mist that just formed a robed raven-faced humanoid with the worst voice distortion I’ve ever heard

Hey, are you Providence!? Get off of my weird vegetable-proverb spouting friend, jackass!

I can’t tell if that’s Vega’s voice layered under Providence’s or just another feminine voice. Could be Anne’s, too, since they’re both Eden Riegel

Also, Providence’s theme is pretty great? It’s got hints of the Ba’al music boxes, with a one woman wail in the background

“I’ve never tasted anything so exquisite!” Were you eating her despair? Of course that’s all she was to you. A food factory. And the sadder and more hopeless she got, the better for you, right? God, you’re like depression made physical. I’ve always wanted to punch the concept of depression

She’s held on for so long because she desperately hoped to see Altair one more time. And you used it against her!

And you saw Luxendarc, the world that was intended to be her safe haven and the place Altair was, and decided you were going to use her to power its destruction to break her further by making her feel guilty. What did she ever do to you!?

Okay, two things. One, you’re a fucking dick and I’m gonna strangle you with your own ribbons. Two, the T-pose doesn’t look any better on you than it did on Anne

That’s my boy! “We deny you because we are mortal! [...] our emotions, the memories we create with others - good or bad, this is all we have! I deny your right to claim them for your own!”

“I’m done letting you use the hearts of our friends as your personal plaything! We’re gonna send you flying to the edge of time and space!” Crush a god, Edea! This jackass has no place ruling anyone

Oh, Tiz. “He might be goofy on the surface... uh, like a cantaloupe? But inside is a sweet and sensitive soul! He’s suffered long enough, Providence! It ends today!” This is as much for Altair and Vega as it is the safety of Luxendarc. But, like, I am especially going to kill you for what you did to Vega. No one deserves God Depression

“Nothing is ever hopeless! It’s never too late, you’re never too weak to fight for what you truly believe in! I believe in a world ruled by hope, not despair. And thanks to my friends, I have the courage to fight for it!” Bravely Second, Magnolia. Bravely Second

Oh, poor baby. The light hurts your eyes? Shut them and make it easier for me to end you

That fight background is awesome! We stand in a grassy field, surrounded by telephone lines. A city skyline in the distance. A freaking GALAXY in the sky, with red-violet clouds. And this music is perfect. So perfect! Grand orchestral scores, with sections of electric guitar and lo-fi beats, all held together by sweeping chants. Holy shit, Providence may look pretty dumb, but this fight’s oozing style

What... so Providence can force a party member to do do his bidding? Like having Magnolia try to strike Yew down. That’s not great, but your first instance of doing so is using my healer to attack. And I’m supposed to be scared of you!?

Get him down enough and he starts consuming Vega’s energy to heal up 10,000 HP every few seconds. Fucking rude. Altair’s so upset he took over Tiz and is screaming for Vega... who can hear him. And she’s fighting back! All Altair had to do was tell her the compass was completed and their dreams could come true and her hope reignited!

This ass can still cast Doom, though

OR HE CAN JUST SAY “YOUR LIFE ENDS HERE” AND WIPE THE PARTY. God... dammit. Like, actually damn this god. What a dick. This is what I get for trying to have Yew conserve his MP. Chainspell Meteor Rain is prepped for next round, bitch

I could easily skip replaying this scene, but I wanted to watch my kids trash-talk Providence’s ideals again

God, I forgot to take Obliterate off of Tiz AGAIN. I know it won’t ever work and it’s just wasting a slot right now. I’d still die laughing if it worked, though

That can’t be the end. This is a JRPG, there’s at least one, probably two more forms coming. And come on, you only drop 980pg? What, are you a broke god? What an ass

Vega’s pink soul seems to be freed, though. And Altair’s spirit finally leaves Tiz, his color being blue. They’re really cute together, even if they are just floating, colored orbs

Is... is Tiz gonna be okay, though? Altair’s soul was kinda fueling his... everything

We shouldn’t keep them, though. I think it’s time for both of them to move on. Gonna miss ya, Altair. I know I’ve made fun of you in the past, but I��m glad you were part of this journey

“Keep your hearts like chamomile!” Just had to get one more in there, huh?

I’m so glad Vega’s here to make sense of this. “Chamomile is said to grow best and strongest when trodden on, you see.” So learn from our hardships, and continue to grow ever stronger. Stay stalwart in the face of adversity. Can do, you crazy, crazy Celestial man. Can do

Oh, so I have Vega to thank for your absurd produce tirades? She started the proverbs to get him to eat vegetables. Jeez, Altair, you sound like my dad. The man’s in his mid-50s and still refuses to eat any vegetables but corn and peas. Which SUCKS because I LOVE vegetables, and we only get to eat a bunch of ‘em at family dinners if he’s not around. I had a vegetable burger last night and it was GREAT

“And eat your vegetables.” YEAH, THANKS. I will! Somebody get me a carrot right now! (I’d get one but I don’t feel like peeling one at 9:30 at night, which is when I’m typing this)

Awwww. Altair finally ate vegetables once he got to Luxendarc because they reminded him of Vega

Yew should confess to Magnolia, WE GET IT. Let him figure out his own emotions! Stop pressuring my boy!

Bye, you two! May your afterlife together hold only the best!

Ohhhhh that’s what happened. Okay. So when Providence used Mandate of Heaven to have Magnolia attack Yew, she wouldn’t actually do that on her own. I had to make her do it, and because I didn’t in the set timeframe he used Divine Punishment to wipe the party. I totally misunderstood what was happening there, since Magnolia had negative BP and couldn’t move, and the very next turn was when I triggered the mid-boss cutscene with Altair. The second time I simply killed him on the turn after he cast it on Tiz, so it didn’t matter. That’s a very bullshit tactic and I am eternally grateful to Meteor Rain Geneolgia over there for ending the fight in a timely fashion

WAIT. Remove Obliterate from Tiz, genius. And heal. Trust no one

Hahahahaha okay, yeah. Yeah. I was expecting a cutscene before round two, and I’ll admit the harsh cut to the screen-shattering battle intro when I tried to leave the room made me jump a bit

This is what I saw a screenshot of before I played the game. Before the game even came out in English, even. I was looking up Airy’s sister after beating Default, because I saw the art of the Kaiser and Anne, assumed she was Airy’s sister, and wanted to know if she had a name. Saw the line “Anne works for Providence” and a low-res picture of Providence and clicked out immediately, but was left with the knowledge that the final boss was a purple pyramid named Providence. Seeing it now, there’s so much more to it than I remembered

We cut to the sky, a brilliant blue galaxy that the party is floating in. Magenta clouds adorn the top and bottom of the screen, and from them semi-mechanical, semi-organic looking hands of magenta and black descend, fingers wiggling. An inverse pyramid comes out of the cloud, and the gigantic eye in the center opens and glances around manically. An inverse Eye of Providence, that grants only poor fortune

Tiz, you should know better than to think this was the end. Ouroboros had, like, two forms and five phases

Providence’s voice is distinctly feminine now. And now that he’s unchained from Vega... there’s no internal fight to hold him back

“Who is it that controls you?” *Providence’s eye looks directly at the camera* What? What? I’m his aunt/mother figure/big sis/etc.! And I’ve done a hell of a job keeping him alive, thanks. I don’t see you standing against that Meteor Rain for long!

Man, what is up with this naming scheme? The hands are labeled Providence B and Ab, and the pyramid is labeled Providence Aa

O-oh? Providence can use its own Bravely Second while I’m in the menu? It... did barely any damage, but that’s startling

He’s pulling a *redacted character* Undertale and I will not stand for this! (I actually super love Undertale and I’m excited that Bravely’s pulling the same meta nonsense in battles that the final Genocide run fight of Undertale did)

I... You’re talking to me? Me, Liz, the person sitting here. I... look, I know these kids don’t actually know who I am, that all of the affection I have for them is one-sided. I know my poor decisions have gotten them hurt on occasion. Would you rather I have never played the game? What would that have gotten them? Sometimes you have to struggle for a resolution that benefits everyone, for a good resolution. I will never regret getting Tiz out of that Chasm. Or saving Yew from Denys. Because all of those kids standing there deserve a happy ending and I want to see them get it!

“Persist in this battle, and Yew and his friends will only feel more pain.” Said in a tutorial description box. Look, I want Yew Geneolgia to be happy, okay!? I’m gonna get him a good end! If I stop he ends up stuck in the Via Celestio for eternity! I’m getting him and Tiz and Edea and Magnolia home and you. Can’t. Stop me.

“Isn’t it enough? How much more must they suffer to satisfy you?” Ideally, none! I don’t want to see them hurt, but I want to see them fail to save their world and lose everyone they love even less. Tiz is gonna retire, Edea’s gonna be Grand Marshal, Magnolia’s home is gonna be safe, and Yew is gonna make a new family legacy that he can be proud of! That’s all I want out of this!

You think you can make me feel bad by treating me like I’m just here for the gameplay? Because battles are fun? Joke’s on you, I don’t really care about gameplay! I’m here because I love these kids and I want to spend more time with them! I want to see them grow and find their happy endings, and they give me hope that someday I can find one of my own. SO FUCK OFF

You aren’t my god, bitch

It... means you can cause screen and audio static? Hey, idiot, I do that to myself, accidentally

You don’t control me! You control my input device at best!

Stop that. Stop making my kids hurt each other. I’m not the one who wants them to suffer, that’s clearly you. I would never have the game play at normal speed. 4x or bust

Despair? Oh, this isn’t despair. I’m just fucking pissed. Sorry. I don’t really get sad when there’s a target to take my anger out on actively taunting me

Yeah, fine, just boot me to the start screeeeee-NO. Hey. NO. Take that cursor off of delete. I’ve accidentally deleted save files before don’t do that! Mmmmmm every button just makes it go closer to “Delete All” come onnnnnnn. I will replay this game over if I have to, Providence! I’ll be back in another two years you can’t stop me

I don’t want to press the button. I know I have to. I know the game devs couldn’t possibly be so cruel as to actually erase the files. Not to constantly bring this fight back to Undertale, but it didn’t get me when your save file got “deleted” at the end of a neutral run. It’s so much worse in this game when you have to press the button multiple times and inch it ever closer to delete, knowing full well that the only way to avoid it is to give up and turn the game off

...I hope the game, like, records how long it takes me to finally press that button. I’m just making entries here to stall at this point

Changed into pajamas, went to the bathroom, and messed around with the current timed quest in Hogwarts Mystery for a bit and they still want me to press the button, huh?

...fine. Supposedly there’s a shield that you can only get if you play through the whole game on Hard (EDIT: Nope! The wiki was wrong again) so I’d have to go another round, anyway. Do it, Providence. I dare you

JUST LET ME PRESS “NO” YOU WIGGLY FINGERED BITCH

Yew! Yew, buddy, I’m trying!

THANK YOU MY PRECIOUS BOY. I DID NOT EQUIP YOU WITH A SWORD BUT THAT WAS STILL BADASS AND I’M SO PROUD OF YOU

Ahhhhh! Orchestral version of his theme! I’m actually crying I love this boy

“There’s someone who’s been here, supporting me, all this time.” Yes, hi! Hi, kiddo. You’re great! You’re so wonderful. You probably didn’t see me wave at you when my face appeared in the Norende Ravine, but you’re awesome and I’ve never been prouder of someone

“I’m fighting for you, too!” And I want you to be happy! (I’ll be honest, having Yew talk directly to me is really powerful. I just wanna, like, poke the screen where his hand is and high-five him. Best boy)

YEW GENEOLGIA LOVES ME MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD DOES

Nope, I’m actually crying. Hahah. My favorite character thinks I’m cool. That’s a hell of a self-esteem boost

“It’s your will, and mine! We’re in this fight together!” Always, buddy. Whenever you need me

He used the letters SP from the title screen to activate the hourglass. That’s so smart I love the nerd kid

Yeah, Agnès, I love you guys! I’ll always come back to defend your world, even if just to see you again!

Janne. Janne, I really do not like you. Please shut up. Your encouragement is just making fun of me for helping Yew? Wow. Okay. I see you’ve learned nothing

At least Nikolai is grateful for me giving even the empire’s people a second chance

You know what, Minette? I’m glad you’re happy. I hope you get therapy! But a new dad is okay for now

Bella is... smiling? AND HELL YEAH, MAN. I’ll keep fighting for you, Cú! Some conceited eyeball ain’t gonna stop me!

Norzen you-you had glasses this whole time? Wow, I could not tell from a distance! Sure, cloud grandpa. Stars. Yes

Aimee did you and Angelo... really do anything? A’ight, sure, I’ll save your romantic future

Yeah, I can make it as if Providence never existed, Geist. “‘Cause this is our world, right? And you were a part of it, too!” Yeah, I was, Rev. Thanks, kid

So the screen shattered and... DENYS! Hey! Hey someone grab his ass right now! Someone save Denys please he’s right THERE!

“Promise me... that you will watch over my brother. Farewell, my friend... and thank you!” You deserved so much better, Denys. Sorry it doesn’t seem like saving you is in the cards right now. The second I can, I will. Then we can look after Yew together!

My emotions hold power... OH I’M PRETTY SURE BOTH MY RIGHTEOUS ANGER AND LOVE OF YEW TRANSCEND TIME AND SPACE. That’s MY BOY!!!

...oh shit he’s out of MP uhhhhhhhhhhhh

Thank god I never use items and had Elixirs

Get. WRECKED. Singlehandedly. By Yew Geneolgia triple-casting Meteor Rain after Tiz and Edea took out the hands

Also, I didn’t mention, but the music for this fight does exactly what I adored in “Serpent Eating the Ground” last game: most of it is clearly the boss’s dramatic song (already really great, as mentioned in Providence Round 1), but then partway through it cuts to remixes of each party member’s Special Attack song, melded together into one flowing number that completely overrides the Boss’s sound, in a musical indicator of our triumph. There’s some of the main theme of the game, in a sense, I guess you could say representing the player. And I think I heard a bit of Denys’s boss theme in that section. Fitting. He did send me back to the party, after all. And this section only starts up once Yew cuts through Providence’s manipulation, furthering the sense of triumph as the party actively overrides Providence

Well, that’s that, huh? Everyone’s back on Luxendarc, the path to the Celestial Realm is closed, and Altair and Vega have finally moved on together. Seems... there’s not much more I can do for you guys, huh?

...where’s Tiz?

Nonononononnooooo I knew he wasn’t gonna be okay without Altair. No, come on. Tiz, you can’t do this to me again! He just wants to retire

I... should we hang up on Agnès? I don’t know if I want her to watch this. Can’t we just shove me into Tiz again? I can keep the game running until my 3DS’s inevitable complete destruction

Y-y- ...I see. Vaguely British female voice? It was you all along, my Adventurer friend. Or should I say, miss Narrator? By what strange trick of fate do our paths cross anew?

No, Magnolia! She clearly knows... something. And I can tell she’s more than what she seems. How else... could she have made it into the Via Celestio on her own?

I can’t watch Tiz go comatose again. If you’ve got a way to save him, do it already

“But what is a soul? But the embodiment of our wishes, dreams, and desires.” Ummm... the metaphysical culmination of a person’s being? I’ve never quantified a soul before

Fill Tiz’s body... with the dreams needed to bind his soul. And uh, Yew? Yew. Is dumping the hourglass sand on him the best idea?

Oh. That’s how you ended up in those dungeons. You can just open warp gates. I see.

And she handed the hourglass to Tiz in the past... on his way to the Norende Chasm, where we first got the ability to use it in Default. And she was wearing green. I can’t for the life of me remember if she ever wore green in Default, but it wouldn’t surprise me given the amount of sequel nods there were in the international release. What, do you just change into green when you go to the past so your past self knows what’s up?

So ideally, we now have an hourglass with two games, or two and a half years’ worth of dreams in it

Did you create a time loop where the hourglass didn’t exist until Tiz had it and won’t exist after, or did we have two hourglasses and never notice?

Where would that even be hidden on Tiz’s body!? He was in a medical jumpsuit! ...oh, ew. I really hope it was in his pants legs and not... elsewhere

Oh, good, Agnès has it. Whew. Crisis averted

And the Adventurer finally introduces herself. A long, silver-haired woman named Deneb. One of Altair and Vega’s old friends. And, most importantly, probably another Celestial. Possibly the last one alive on Luxendarc

*Great Distance starts up for one last go* Run Agnès! Run with all you’ve got!

Credits are rolling. Let’s see those happy endings we all worked so hard to get

Nikolai is back in the priesthood, preaching to the New Crystalguard, of which Janne seems to be a member. I’m happy for Nikolai, still mad Janne never got over himself, but we can’t win ‘em all. Best of luck, gents! Call me in a few years when Janne has finally grown up

Bella and Cú are just walking around in... Eisen? Ah, well. They’ve got each other. Hope they find a home that accepts horsemen. And I owe you a two a special thanks! The Spellcraft and Triple Wield abilities carried this team, and the Yew Meteor Rain strategy couldn’t have happened without it!

Norzen is back to teaching, and Rifa and Pudgius are glad to have him there

Minette’s happily sailing with her new dad and his cat in his little rowboat. Remember what I said! Therapy!

Aimee and Angelo... did not set up shop in Gathelatio. Or they just haven’t moved locations yet. Pancake business is booming either way (You guys should seriously move, though. If more adventurers find out that Obliterating Chompettes is some of the best experience in the game, they’ll just loiter outside your shop all day and scare away customers! Customers that I’m surprised you even have at the deepest spot in a high level dungeon. ...maybe that’s the actual problem with your current location)

Geist and Rev are... standing around posing in the old seaside shack that was sold to Profiteur? He’d better not have gone back on his deal after I defended him like that!

Aw, Lotus is teaching Sakura to fly the Rubadub. I’m glad those two were with us through this journey

And Great Distance fades out as Agnès arrives, no more distance between her and Tiz any longer

“Good morning... Agnès.” Don’t ever scare us like that again, buddy. Happy retirement

*Great Distance back for Round 2* And now we’ve got the party epilogues!

The new Grand Marshal of Eternia contemplates what to do next, her second-in-command Alternis at her side. When faced with a conflict between two factions, Edea decides she has to go herself, because if anyone can make them see eye-to-eye, it would be her. And I believe her. Alternis declares that he would go to the ends of the world for her, in a way that makes you question whether it was Ringabel or not. Given the way Edea looked forlornly down at her feet, I’ll say “not,” making this a bittersweet end for her

With the peace talks over, Agnès has resigned as Pope, leaving everything to the Matriarch and new Vestal, Sylvie. No longer a Vestal, she has no reason to cling to the surname of those wed to the Crystals, Oblige. No, she’d rather be Agnès Arrior. And now she and Tiz are engaged and planning to move to Norende as farmers. I’m happy for you kids! Enjoy retirement with your sheep. You’ve both earned it

Music fades out again as we cut to Magnolia in the Buster Ship, musing about how wonderful Luxendarc was. Yew races to where he first met her... but her ship is already blasting off back to the Moon. And a ballad starts up as Magnolia walks up to him after he laments that he never confessed. That confession is as awkward as I hoped it would be. And then Magnolia winks at the camera (hi!) and muses about how love really can transcend time and space. Turns out, people on the Moon only tell their true names to the person they wish to marry... and she just whispered something into a very red-faced Yew’s ear. Cute! Just remember he’s 16. Give him a few years to get his bearings, Magnolia. I have no idea how old you are, but maybe take it a little slower. Best of luck, you dorks

One final shot. The Geneolgia mansion foyer, but this time Foundar’s portrait is gone. Now it’s a portrait of Yew, Tiz, Edea, Magnolia, and Agnès eating dinner together... with Denys standing behind them. This is the real Geneolgia family. The one that deserves to be celebrated.

And there goes my name in the credits. Thank you, Bravely Second team. It was a hell of a time and a hell of an undertaking. Almost two years since I started this liveblog, and it evolved rapidly from just a few reactionary bullet points to a full on analysis/reaction. And I’m really glad I did it. I’ve gotten to talk to some cool people thanks to this, and I hope they enjoyed the ride as much as I did!

I really wish I could stick around, kids, but I guess that’s just not how games work. Just let me know if you ever need me again, and I’ll be there. And this time maybe it won’t take me two and a half years to get to it. I’ll do my best!

One final scene, post-credits. Ringabel narrates that they found “the third key,” The Sword of the Brave, to a Vice President over a hyperrealistic shot of the moon

And now we have the final, true New Game+. I love the sparkly little border on the cleared file. But, hey, this isn’t the end yet! The Bestiary isn’t complete! We’re still missing items! And it’s all thanks to the three postgame dungeons! ...but I won’t bore you with that unless there’s demand for it

That being said, there’s still going to be one more update! I plan to do one final retrospective on this game as a whole. What it did wrong, what it did right, and my overall thoughts on the experience. I understand if that’s not everyone’s cup of tea, though, so for those who won’t be joining me, I hope you had a good time reading and thank you for spending the time to look at my ramblings on games I like. For those joining me for the retrospective, thanks for reading! Until next time!

#bravely default #bravely second #liz liveblogs bravely second

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takaraphoenix · 7 years

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Best Animated Movies Through the Years

After I threw some shade at Disney with the sequel-thing I did earlier, I figured I’d do a list of what I consider the best animated movies. Not just including Disney. And since I’m shit at picking favorites and properly ranking stuff, we’ll go through them by years, in chronological order. All personal picks, obviously.

Basically, this is just self-indulgent because I want to ramble about my favorite animated movies.

Also, this is going to be really long so I’ll shorten it by making you click “keep reading” below!

And by “really long”, I mean this is literally a list of 65 animated movies through the years - yeah, that is the narrowed-down version because it’s only 65 out of the 282 animated movies I have on my overall “timeline of animated movies”.

I think the way this list makes most sense is... for scrolling through to see titles you might have never heard of before and getting a recommendation for a great animated movie that isn’t necessarily just your average Disney masterpiece (though those are of course also on the list).

1937 - Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Disney

It might not be the best story-telling wise and Snow might not be the most fleshed-out Disney princess, but you can not talk about the best animated movies without respecting the first. This paved the way and this is what set the course for Disney. The animation is beautiful, even eighty years later it still looks stunning. And while not a genius in character-development, it is still a very faithful - by Disney-standards anyway - retelling of the fairy tale.

1942 - Bambi, Disney

Thumper will forever be one of my favorite Disney characters. Who watched this movie and didn’t love Bambi and Thumper and Flower is a lying liar who lies. It is beautiful, it is emotional and it’s the start of a wonerful tradition of talking animal movies.

1950 - Cinderella, Disney

I know I said in the sequel-thing that this movie is flat. But you got to keep in mind the time-period from which it is. And for that, it still stands strong. Many shame Cinderella as just being a girl after a boy and that’s it; same for Snow White by the way. All those “new age” Disney fans who think only the princesses from 2000+ are real heroines. That both Snow White and Cinderella were abused half their lives and that literally the only escape from that kind of abuse in that kind of time would be to get married and move out, is forgotten way too often. This girl has been treated as a house-slave all her life and all she wants is one night to feel like a princess - she never even really just wishes for a prince, she just wants to go to the ball - and she fights for it. It’s more a movie about overcoming abuse and issues of self-worth, of friendship and escapism than it is just a bland “That girl wants a boyfriend” movie and it deserves respect for that.

1951 - Alice in Wonderland, Disney

As a very big fan of the books, I hold a special kind of love for this movie because it’s actually a rather faithful adaptation. Of course it leaves out a lot and changes some things, but I think it stands very true to the source material and keeps a wonderful mixture of beautiful fairy tale land and creepy LSD trip in a great balance.

1959 - Sleeping Beauty, Disney

Aurora is my favorite Disney princess so I can not skip her movie. This movie wins on character design alone. Aurora gets a lot of shade thrown at her for being asleep half her movie, but you gotta try to look past that. We have a green-skinned, horned villainess who turns into a freaking dragon and spits fire. Maleficent’s design alone is amazing, but add to that the three quirky fairies and Aurora, as well as Prince Philipp who gets to not just kiss the girl as the princes before him did but to literally slay a dragon and save the kingdom for his princess and you got a real fairy tale masterpiece right there.

1967 - The Jungle Book, Disney

If I had to pick only one Disney movie, out of an artistic point of view, it would be this. Just as an artist alone, I marvel at this movie and the love for detail that went into animating the animals. The way they walk and move was done so incredibly well, you can see the effort that went into making this movie. The drawings are so beautiful. Bagheera will forever be one of my favorite Disney characters. Shere Khan is one of the three best Disney villains in existence - also, vastly misunderstood considering he really should have just eaten the brat and be done with this, I mean come on, like a pack of wolves or a panther wouldn’t have eaten the tiny snack and I still think this movie would have been improved by 100% if they had eaten Mowgli in the beginning because the brat is the only flaw this movie has.

1970 - Aristocats, Disney

This is such a beautiful story of family and love. I feel like it nearly doesn’t even need words to describe it because it’s a given that this movie should be on this list. The humor, the heart, the music, the animation, the characters. It’s adorable, and I’m saying that as a not-cat-person.

1973 - Robin Hood, Disney

It’s impressive if you just consider the fact that it was made with so much rehashed material (they reused a lot of old animation here). But it has a beautiful story, it’s innovative in the sense that it essentially introduces anthro characters and it’s just ridiculously cute.

1976 - The Twelve Tasks of Asterix | Les Douze Travaux d’Astérix, Goscinny & Uderzo

As a German, I can not do this list without including this movie. It is maybe one of the funniest animated movies in history. No one in Germany doesn’t know what a Passierschein A38 is. Growing up with the Asterix comics and other Franco-Belgian comics in the way the stereotypical nerds in American TV grew up with Marvel and DC comics, Asterix was literally the hero of my childhood and among all his movies, this one is definitely the best and the most fun to watch.

1981 - The Fox and the Hound, Disney

This is easily one of the most heartbreaking Disney movies and the only one where the love-interest is the real villain for coming between the main characters? Like? No. This movie would be perfect if not for Vixie. I love foxes, I love baby animals (when they’re animated; real ones creep me out) and I love a good story about friendship. This is really not a happy movie, which sets it apart from other Disney movies, but it’s still beautiful.

1986 - An American Tail, Don Bluth

For me, as a German kid, this was so weird to watch because the concept of immigrants and other continents aside from Europe being A Thing That Exists, it was totally alien and following Feivel and his family on that journey was a great way of being introduced into this literal New World of America. Feivel is such an endearing character, this movie is so heartfelt and has a pure focus on family and friendship that is simply beautiful to watch.

1986 - Fluppy Dogs, Disney

I know this one is a bit of a stretch because technically it’s not a movie but the pilot to a failed cartoon series, but this might easily be my favorite Disney movie of them all? The characters are so amazing, the concept of parallel worlds will forever be one of my favorite things and I was first introduced to it in this movie, the focus of friendship and overcoming differences is great and I’m sorry but this is a movie about rainbow-colored fluffy puppies that can talk and travel between universes, how is that not amazing?!

1988 - The Land Before Time, Don Bluth

Others cried when Bambi’s mom was shot, but to me this one was way worse. The pain and fear of isolation that Little Foot went through, this scary dark world around him. Those diverse, quirky and amazing characters that you met and fell in love with within this really short one hour movie - really, you have one hour and you have five main characters and yet it’s enough to make you fall for each and every one of them. How this ragtag team of dinosaurs finds together and how they become friends. It’s maybe the purest friendship-story among animated movies and I love it. Also, it’s literally the best dinosaur movie ever made and you can fight me on that.

1989 - All Dogs Go to Heaven, Don Bluth

This is so refreshing, because we don’t have this shining, pure golden boy of a protagonist. We have the first anti-hero in animated history, really. Charlie is a selfish dog and he has an amazing redemption arc. The guts to do such a thing, a redemption movie on an animated dog, I marvel at that, considering the time and that it had never been done before. You learn to love Charlie and you feel for him throughout the journey and you also feel for the little girl.

1989 - The Little Mermaid, Disney

Ariel is a brat. Ariel is maybe the only Disney princess that is mainly relatable if you yourself are a child and rebelling against your parents. As a kid, this was the best princess movie for me, I worshiped Ariel, she was so cool. As an adult, I mainly admire Triton and his patience and love for his daughter. This movie, for me, is what shows you if you’re grown up. If you still side with Ariel, you’re probably not as grown up as you like to think, and if you came around to feel for Triton, I got some bad news for you because you are officially an adult now. But even that aside, it has one of the most endearing sidekicks in Flounder, it has one of the most compelling villains in Ursula and it has some of the most beautiful musical numbers. Not to mention, the animation is gorgeously drawn.

1990 - The Rescuers Down Under, Disney

This movie is literally the only sequel in the history of sequel-making that outdoes the first movie. Its animation is beautiful, its story-telling amazing, its characters get proper arcs and are well-rounded and cute, it’s a stunning masterpiece of an animated movie (and I wasn’t even aware that there was a first one until my late teens, so it’s also amazingly done as a stand-alone movie).

1991 - Beauty and the Beast, Disney

Since I included all the other princess movies, I feel obligated to also include this. And it does have beautiful music and animation - outstanding animation, really - and it has endearing sidekicks, but I’m just not really a fan of the story itself. The whole violent, vicious beast kidnaps girl and girl completely changes everything about him and they fall in love with each other but somehow she never even bothers to ask him for his name and continues to call him Beast even though they’re already in love, not to mention this was kick-started because a 10 year old boy was rude to a stranger, what the heck Enchantress way to be overly dramatic... Yeah. That. But aside from that, as an animated movie, beyond just as a movie, it’s really beautiful.

1991 - FernGully: The Last Rainforest, 20th Century Fox

Not the English dub though. This is my third most favorite movie of all time, but I never got over the first 10 minutes of the English original because holy shit, that voice “actor” who plays the part of the male lead has never done voice acting, or any form of acting, before in his life and it’s just painful to listen to. But the movie itself is beautiful. Basically, it’s one half of Avatar, but in good (the other half being Pocahontas, of course). The message of saving our planet is done is such a beautiful, child-friendly way, the fairies and nature and the characters are so amazingly done and Hexor is like one of the best non-Disney-animated-movie-villains.

1992 - Aladdin, Disney

The weird part where it’s all about the hero, but in the end she’s the Disney princess and wins the fame and fortune contest, even though let’s be real, her plot in this is kinda weird. “Oh no, my life is too good”, yeah that’s such a relatable complaint especially for kids, and sicking your tiger onto a political ally is really great, princess, because even if you don’t want to get married, maybe try not to start a war, mh? And Aladdin’s approach of lying to get the girl is not the best either. What really wins wthis movie is, hands down, the Genie. Also the Sultan, who is one of my favorite Disney dads. The character dynamis and the growth of them throughout are also big plus-points.

1994 - The Lion King, Disney

This is one of the Disney movies that just hits the ball out of the park and it’s probably my third favorite Disney movie. The adorable animation. The mind-blowing songs. The compelling, eccentric villain, the emotions as you sob over Mufasa like a little child even when you’re over 20, the character design and the animals themselves, as well as the beautiful set-art. This movie is really very amazing.

1994 - The Swan Princess, Rich Animation

I mentioned once before that Toy Story is a perfect trilogy. So are this movie and its sequels. Yes, the first one is superior to its sequels and thus only it will find its way onto this list but the second and third are definite must-see movies too the others do not exist though and they should not exist. Odette is the original princess who didn’t just fall into the hero’s arms and had a love-at-first-sight romance. Disney gets props for Anna in Frozen like that’s the first time that happened, but if you look past Disney, it happened as early as 19994. Odette and Derek grow up not liking each other and when she’s pretty as a teen, he suddenly wants to marry her and she asks him why - and he answers because she’s pretty. And she flat-out rejects him. He has to fight for her heart and he falls in love with her on the way, really in love, and he makes her fall in love with him. It’s a beautiful love-story, with quirky animal sidekicks, endearing characters and beautiful animations. In many ways, this is superior to most Disney princess movies, really.

1995 - Pocahontas, Disney

I have always and will always love this movie, albeit I have to admit it’s... problematic. For children outside the US, who are only taught about US history in their teens, those “romanticized history” movies are a bit of a danger because we can easily fall to believe them to be true... er than they actually are (that there were no talking trees and that he didn’t learn the native tongue via singing, that much was obvious, thank you very much). But when you’re 14 and learn that her life was nothing like in the movie, that's kind of devastating. I feel like history is not the thing that should be romanticized like that. Still, it’s beautiful and great story-telling and characters and art and songs - even though singing them now makes you feel vaguely racist so that’s also a bit problematic?

1995 - Toy Story, Disney Pixar

I didn’t like this movie as a child. Mainly due to it being computer animated and fuck computer animation, gimme my 2D back. Yeah, I still have that mindset but by now I have learned to also appreciate animated movies. Not to mention, I think that for me as a kid the themes of betrayal and darkness (Sid’s house) were just too much as a child wheras I can very much appreciate them and see the complexity of the movie now as an adult. It’s great story-telling and if you consider that the animation is from 1995, it really holds up great (especially if you compare that with the animation from 2005′s Chicken Little, which might just be the worst animation-quality in all of Disney’s history, really).

1995 - Balto, Amblin Entertainment

Steele is one of the greatest non-Disney villains. This movie is beautifully complex because you get to follow this outcast on his journey of becoming part of society and rising to become a hero. It also got a beautiful arc of self-discovery, what with Balto’s status as a half-blood being what makes him an outcast to begin with. Not dog, but also not wolf. Yet in the end, he has to learn that he’s not neither, but rather both and that both sides are part of him and make him who he is. It’s a beautiful story about acceptance of one’s self.

1996 - The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Disney

Speaking of a story about accepting one’s self. This is really daring for a Disney movie, considering the lead is... deformed, whereas all Disney movies so far only include perfect people (unless villain). Also, the main character doesn’t get the girl in a semi-surprise twist. Not to mention, it brings us the first canonically gay Disney character in Hugo. Yes, he’s a gargoyle and yes, his male love-interest is a goat and yes he is not the representation you may want, but he’s the representation you’ll get, at least for now (and stop over-analyzing ridiculous shit like “Oh, two women are at the zoo with one child in Finding Dory. They must be the first lesbians *gasp*”... that is not representation, that is cheap and a throw-away). Not to mention, this movie has the best soundtrack out of all the Disney movies.

1997 - Hercules, Disney

We have a very complicated relationship, this movie and I. I love it to bits and pieces and it’s one of my favorite Disney movies, but at the same time I’ve learned to hate what an inaccurate adaptation of the Greek myths it is and particularly Hades’ misrepresentation makes me angry in a deeply seated way but on the other hand Hades is literally the most compelling and amazing Disney villain in existence. It confuses me. I love it so much, but deep down at its essence, part of me wants to hate it for what it did to my favorite god. But at the same time, I love that character in particular for being such a great villain.

1997 - Anastasia, Don Bluth

This is it. This is the best animated movie ever made. This is my favorite movie of all times. I’ve seen it at least 50 times by now - my guess, I stopped counting roughly ten years ago and I was at 27 back then. Just like Odette in Swan Princess, Anastasia actually falls in love with her love-interest. No love at first sight nonsense. They start off antagonizing each other, but learn to work together and ultimately fall in love. We have friendship, we have a great journey and also a great journey of self-discovery - but not just on Anastasia’s part, because her love interest is not just The Love Interest, he also gets his own arc of self-discovery. We have an intensely scary villain and we have beautiful, beautiful songs. Not to mention, Anastasia kicks major butt. She doesn’t need a man to save her, she saves the man and she literally kicks the villain’s ass. This movie is a masterpiece and a gem.

1998 - The Quest for Camelot, Warner Brothers

The movie is not as good as you remember it, believe me because I experienced the let-down, but it has one very major thing going for it: It includes a disabled character as a lead. Before Toph Beifong, this movie had a kick-ass blind character in it and that’s huge because it still barely happens and that’s a real shame. For that alone, it gets major props. Not to mention, it is kind of quite the unique take on the Arthurian legend and it’s a fun movie. But as a movie itself, it’s not overly outstanding, if you rewatch it now.

1998 - Mulan, Disney

While I said earlier that Fluppy Dogs is my favorite Disney movie, I’m aware that’s a lot of nostalgia talking and I know it’s not the best Disney movie. This right here is, though. The story-telling, the love-story and character development, the stakes of this movie are amazing, the emotions are intense. People cry when Mufasa or Bambi’s mom die, but I think the single most gut-wrenching moment of Disney history is when the most joyful song in the movie stops dead in its tracks and we see this destroyed village and we know that they’re all dead down there. The movie also has the single greatest moment, when all of China kneels before this one girl and acknowledges that yes, she is the one who saved China. She did this. Mulan is a heroine, but she doesn’t start out as that. She just starts out as a girl who wants to protect her father and she actually has to learn to be a hero. It’s amazing and emotional and yet still through it all funny and that is really mostly due to Mushu, who coincidentally was also the first time of me really liking Otto Waalkes (Mushu’s German voice and a very famous German comedian).

1998 - The Last Unicorn, Rankin/Bass Productions

This movie is so artistically beautiful and keeps such an amazing mystical vibe to it throughout. It’s very weird and scarily creepy at times that are maybe too much for a kid and a major downside of its German dub is that the songs are kept in English - I only realized a few years ago that the music actually tells a story, and that’s kind of disappointing to learn so late. But it’s just... breathtakingly beautiful and tragically sad.

1998 - The Prince of Egypt, DreamWorks

I really loathed this movie as a child. Mainly due to its Christan themes and I just got enough of that in class where they shoved it down our throats, not to mention among all the religions, Christian myths are like the most miserable, dark and scary ones, in my opinion. That movie was so not child-friendly. It was so dark and scary and brutal and miserable. Now, as an adult, I can totally appreciate those tones and I marvel at the amazing story-telling, but as a child? I was scared of this movie and I did not like it. But the animation, story-telling and the music are amazing and it really blew my mind when I rewatched it as a late teen.

1999 - The Iron Giant, Warner Brothers

I watched this movie for the first time this year, because my favorite YouTube nerds keep bringing it up during Movie Fights, so I figured I’d check it out considering I never heard of it before. I guess it must have slipped through the cracks. So I saw it for the first time, 20 years after its release. And you just don’t notice that. The animation, the story-telling, the movie - it completely holds up. It’s such a sweet but also sad story about friendship. It’s really great.

2000 - The Road to El Dorado, DreamWorks

I did not like this movie as a child. Don’t even really know why, to be honest. But when I rewatched it as a teen, I really loved it a lot. Miguel and Tulio are such great, complex characters and their journey together is amazing. Not to mention, I will never stop being upset about the fact that DreamWorks chickened out of making them the first canonically gay couple in an animated movie - which yes, was the first draft for this movie. It’d have been amazing if they had pulled through with it, really. I think that is why I hate Chel so much - and my hatred for her might be the root for why I disliked this movie as a kid. Because Chel was literally just created to get between Miguel and Tulio. But other than her, this movie is rock-solid.

2001 - Shrek, DreamWorks

Definitely not the best, but a fun movie and innovative in its parodic nature. Also has fun characters and an original story and I appreciate the way they inverted the original Disney tropes.

2001 - Atlantis: The Lost Empire, Disney

Again, one of those movies that didn’t work for me as a kid but ever since I’ve been a late teen, I watched it probably ten times because it’s amazing. It’s complex, has great character developing and story-telling and it has such a diverse cast and an original idea. I’m really sad that, most likely due to its complexity, it kinda flopped and fell flat. But, if there is one movie that does deserve the Disney live-action remake treatment, it’d be this because this movie deserves the attention and I think that in today’s time, it would do so much better.

2001 - Monsters, Inc., Disney Pixar

This was actually the first Pixar movie that I liked right away. It had cute and fun characters, a fascinating concept behind its story and it was both funny and emotional.

2002 - Ice Age, Blue Sky

They’re completely driving this franchise into the ground, but the first one was really good. I have a weakness for those “ragtag team of misfits needs to band together” kind of stories, if you haven’t noticed. And this movie does it in such a fresh, new setting. It was really enjoyable.

2002 - Lilo & Stitch, Disney

After Mulan, the best Disney movie there is. This movie is so incredibly deep and emotinonal that it never ceases to blow my mind. The sibling-love, this way they deal with the emotions and with Lilo and Stitch and both their arcs of self-discovery is just singular. There is no other movie like this.

2002 - Treasure Planet, Disney

A vastly underrated Disney movie, really. It’s spectacularly done and has such a great story-arc and development and emotional scale, not to mention the imagery that it offers. So beautiful and so much fun.

2003 - Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas, DreamWorks

After rewatching and falling for The Prince of Egypt and The Road of El Dorado, I decided to rewatch all the movies I disliked as a child to see if I would actually end up liking them - and this one is another one of those. It has such an epic scale and does the one thing I missed about Hercules; it gives us the monsters and gods in mindblowing sizes and scenes. Eris, also, the greatest DreamWorks villain of all time, while still keeping her mythologically in character.

2005 - Hoodwinked, Kanbar Animation

The animation of this movie does not hold up. It looks outdated, yes. But the story-telling is superb. The parody-twist to the tale of Red Riding Hood, added with how it’s perceived by the different characters, as well as the humor of it. I remember in 2006, after it was released, I was really sick that one week and I literally watched it 32 times in a row. It was just so innovative in the way it was told and I really enjoyed how clever it was. Also, I was really out of my mind with that cold or otherwise I might have also wathced another movie or two...

2006 - Over the Hedge, DreamWorks

This is such a fun movie. I enjoy a good redemption story of an anti-hero who realizes that scamming the good guys ain’t the way to go. The fact that said anti-hero is a racoon only makes it all the better.

2007 - Ratatouille, Disney Pixar

It’s such a cute story and such an interesting take on story-telling that makes me like this movie, even though it’s not very deep and doesn’t have the most fleshed-out characters.

2008 - Kung Fu Panda, DreamWorks

The first one ought to be on this list, because it was fresh, it was funny and it was cute. The way the different characters played out and played with each other was really nice. Also, great action, for a kid’s animated movie anyway.

2008 - Wall-E, Disney Pixar

This is an amazing movie. With its message and story-telling, the way it connects to the viewer even though there’s basically no dialogue in it for most of the movie. I think as a kid I would have so not enjoyed it because of the lack of dialogue and its heavier tones regarding the overall message, but when I watched it when it came out - and I was 16 back then - I really enjoyed it.

2008 - Bolt, Disney

I adore Bolt. I mean, I feel totally cheated because the trailer was cut to make it look like we were actually getting the Bolt series from within the movie as the actual movie and the idea of a super-dog was really cool, but even as it stood, it was a great movie and Mittens’ arc was particularly amazing in it.

2009 - Up, Disney Pixar

Honestly, doesn’t really deserve to be on the list if you see it as an overall movie. Most people get hung up on the first ten minutes of it - and those ten minutes alone are a masterpiece and would totally win as a short-movie. But there is a lot more to this movie. And it ain’t that amazing, really. It’s funny and quirky, sure, but definitely not outstanding. It’s quite ridiculous, even for an animated movie. But for the first ten minutes alone, this movie deserves to be on this list.

2009 - The Princess and the Frog, Disney

Again, doesn’t quite deserve to be on this list in my opinion, because I hate how it completely disregards the original fairy tale - starting a startlingly concerning trend for Disney here - and the blatant plotholes. It gets plus-points for being 2D again and for introducing the first black princess, but personally I think the first black princess would have deserved better than this. I understand why this movie flopped, really. Even if it’s still a cute and nice movie, it is far below average by Disney standards.

2010 - How to Train Your Dragon, DreamWorks

Oh, this movie is glorious. I have to admit, this movie is actually why I went and rewatched all those other DreamWorks movies that I used to hate as a kid, because this movie was the first time DreamWorks became an actual household name, to me. Before that, DreamWorks was just another one of those “non Disney companies” and that was it. With this movie, for the first time, they earned themselves their own name and category in my mind and made me rediscover a lot of actually great movies. The story-telling in this movie is just so great and it gets extra credit for its adorable dragon characters that are so lovable and individual. Not to mention, this movie spawned an amazing animated cartoon series.

2010 - Despicable Me, Illumination

The first one is actually a really great and beautiful movie about family and self-discovery. And then the Minions took over and this franchise sank faster than the Titantic.

2010 - Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole, DreamWorks

This might be the most beautifully animated movie in history. It is simply gorgeous and even if you just watch it for the aesthetics, you have to see it. Though it also has a very compelling story. I just think it’s a bit too dark and too realistically animated to resonate with children, which might just be why it flopped too. But when I watched it when it came out, I really enjoyed it because it is more for an older teen audience.

2010 - Megamind, DreamWorks

Such a great, vastly underrated movie. It’s so much fun, it’s so fresh and new while playing with old and overused tropes and the characters are really refreshingly quirky.

2010 - Tangled, Disney

Mixed feelings for that one. Hate how much they altered the original tale, but still enjoy this movie as it stands. It’s so cute and sweet and how they actually take the time to fall in love is just as beautiful. Not to mention, Flynn Rider is definitely the most compelling male Disney hero/prince there is, right after Hercules.

2012 - Brave, Disney Pixar

It’s so nice to have a princess who actually stays single. Though, honestly, with the options offered to her... not a surprise. At least one of them could have been at the very least handsome, to show that it takes more than just good looks to love someone. But that all options presented were also... not nice to look at was just so typically superficial of Disney that it was a bit disappointing.

2012 - Hotel Transylvania, Sony Pictures

This is just so funny and cute. The monsters as dorky characters, the fun of it all. This movie is just a good time, whether you’re a kid or not. And I have to say, after I did mention in many of these entries that they only really connected with me as an adult, I want to include a movie that’s a bit more... simple and just real fun, because those animated movies should be fun for kids too.

2012 - Wreck-It Ralph, Disney

I think this would have been so much cooler with more casual gaming cameos - and I’m saying this as a non-gamer, but seeing characters like Link or Mario or someone recognizable there would have been real cool and I’m hoping for that in the second one. Still, the way the princess trope and the villain trope were handled here was just brilliant and it’s such a sweet story that that alone makes it a must-watch.

2012 - Rise of the Guardians, DreamWorks

And we’ve reached it. The best computer animated movie of all times, my second favorite movie of all times (after Anastasia, the number one spot for 2D animated movie). This is a true masterpiece. I marvel at its animation - the frost in particular is just so beautiful simply to look at, but also the dream-sand and the characters. The story-telling is so gorgeous to watch, the characters are so sweet and amazing - and it gets special bonus-points for not forcing an unnecessariy love-story into this as so many other movies do even though it’s not really a good fit for the overall movie. Also, I just adore Jack Frost as a character. If there is only one movie from this list that you’re going to watch, then please make it this one, even above Anastasia.

2013 - The House of Magic, Touchstone Pictures

This is a smaller scale movie, but it’s very sweet. This story of finding your place in the world, finding acceptance and a family is just one that will never get old. And if it’s told through talking animals and a cute stray little kitten, that’s a simple hook right there, really.

2014 - The Nut Job, Open Roads Film

I have been told that this movie is not as good as I think it is and I don’t care. It’s a heist movie with a purple squirrel in the lead role as an anti-hero with a redemption arc and it doesn't have any unnecessary love-story forced into it; it is as great as I think it is.

2014 - Big Hero 6, Disney

If you haven’t cried like a baby in this movie, you’re dead inside. This, also, a movie I would not have enjoyed that much as a kid because it’s so dark, so much death. Killing off the brother of a boy who already is an orphan and then having that ending, it's just brutal for a kids’ movie. But it’s also beautiful and amazing and the team-dynamics and fun are great as well as the action and it actually deals with the process of grieving and doesn’t just throw it away carelessly as most others tended to do in the past.

2014 - Mune: Guardian of the Moon | Mune, le gardien de la lune, On Animation Studios

This is such an artistically beautiful movie that I would have probably never found if not for a reader of mine who recommended it to me. It’s gorgeous and the mythology created in this movie, about the guardians of the sun and moon, is so rich and amazing. It’s so cute and compelling and I really think more people should know that it exists.

2015 - Inside Out, Disney

Again, not a movie I’d have liked much as a kid. Way too deep and meta, really. This whole psychological aspect and the depth of it are what make it so compelling and amazing, but also why I wouldn’t have liked it as a child. It’s kind of fun, but mostly it’s really deep. Also, a bit questionable in its choices of “emotions in charge of literally EVERY being”... they should have skipped the tagged on credit scene where we see that literally everyone has those very same emotions in charge. How does Disgust beat out feelings like Hatred, Love, Friendship... and also reduces some of those into islands instead of actual emotions? Yeah, a bit problematic there. But overall a great movie.

2016 - Leap! | Ballerina, L'Atelier Animation

It’s such a cute story about friendship, family and finding your own way in life. It’s also really compelling to see a character with a passion about something, but zero natural talent. The way she has to work hard to learn and become a great ballerina is half the fun of this movie.

2016 - Zootopia, Disney

I’ve been salty with Disney since Frozen and though Big Hero 6 and Inside Out were good, this was the one that restored my faith in Disney again after that huge ass disappointment. This is such a great story about friendship and redemption - even if it’s just the redemption in one’s own eyes. Not to mention; a fox and a bunny. Literally two of my three most favorite animals. It’s so good. So much fun. I mean, they totally overdid it when they faked Judy’s death because the kids around me in the theater strated crying and wailing because that was just a little too close to looking real for a child to understand that it’s not. Keep your audience in mind, Disney.

2016 - Moana, Disney

Ah, the last entry for this. The newest Disney princess. I really enjoyed this movie a lot. It was beautifully made, it was a lot of fun, had good musical numbers, was a very interesting story with an amazing pseudo-plot-twist there at the end (I mean, come on, it was really very obvious literally right from the start, but still brilliantly executed and very emotional). Also, again, princess who not just stays single but where finding a husband doesn’t even have to be mentioned. Very refreshing.

#Disney #Animated Movies #DreamWorks #Illumination #Don Bluth #Timeline of animated Movies #Best of List

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