#wish i could say same boat but im hating myself out here | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tillthelandslide · 4 years

Text

Photographer : Henry Cavill Fake Instagram

Author’s note: Hi everyone. Hope you enjoy another fake instagram post. I really do enjoy making this so keep sending me requests, this one wasn’t a request but my own idea, I’m slowly working my way through some different careers so people can relate more to each one if they see their career being represented. Unfortunately, Tumblr on my phone keeps messing up, I usually like to include emojis here and there because to me it feels more real but it wouldn’t let me.

Anyway hope you enjoy - L

Tagged: @harrysthiccthighss @thereisa8ella @magdelen69 (if you want to be tagged in my post please message me :)

yourname_photography:

yourname_photography had an amazing day shooting with @henrycavill such a pleasure working with you love.

Liked by henrycavill and 1,891,201 others

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fan2 your photography is so good

↳ yourname_photography aw thanks love

↳ fan3 honestly one of the best photographers out there atm

henrycavill thanks for the amazing day, I had such a nice time, you are so talented

↳ yourname_photography oh hush sir, was a joy working with you, you make my job very easy, lets just put it that way

henryfan “love” are they dating or not, we need answers

↳ ynfan she’s british, she calls everyone love, but if they were then we should all be happy for them, they don’t owe us answers

henrycavill:

henrycavill it is always such a joy when I get to work with amazingly talented people like @yourname_photography. So lucky to have you in my life, let alone get the opportunity to work together

Photo by @yourname_photography

Liked by yourname_photography, GQ and 991,892 others

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yourname_photography oh hush, you’re the talented one in this relationship kind sir

↳ henrycavill <3

↳ fan5 relationship? are they dating?

↳ fan6 think they’re just friends but I’m happy for them if they are dating

anyachalotra so talented, these are epic

↳ henrycavill she sure is

↳ yourname_photography thank you Anya

freyaallan:

freyaallan I had such a nice time shooting today with @yourname_photography. Thank you to @henrycavill for making it happen, now I understand why you love her so much. And thank you y/n for making me look so beautiful, think these photos are the best I have ever recieved from a photoshoot.

Photo by @yourname_photography

Liked by yourname_photography, henrycavill and 431,839 others

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fan3 “now I understand why you love her so much” ?? omg they are dating

↳ freyaallan I meant he loves working with her and loves the photos she produces, she is one of his favourite photographers

↳ fan2 good save

yourname_photography you were beautiful all on your own, needed no help from me miss. It was such a joy working with you, for sure have to do it again sometime

↳ freyaallan oh hush! and i’d love that

henrycavill glad you both had such a good time on set, i have always loved y/ns work, she has such a keen eye for this stuff

↳ fan2 this post is basically become them trying to convice us all that y/n and henry aren’t dating when we all know they are. good attempts though

photographydaily these photos are clean af

celebrumourmagazine:

celebrumourmagazine Famous Actor Henry Cavill and the photographer Y/n are now rumoured to be dating. The pair have had many photoshoots together and have a history of confusing fans with their comments on each others posts. But what is really tipping people off is a quote from Freya Allan, Cavill’s co-star in the Netflix show; The Witcher, where she said “I had such a nice time shooting today with @yourname_photography. Thank you to @henrycavill for making it happen, now I understand why you love her so much”. Allan then tried to cover her tracks by commenting on how y/n is one of Henry’s favourite photographers. Cavill too posted “I have always loved Y/ns work, she has such a keen eye for this stuff”. Seems fishy to me, wonder if we will get an explanatio soon. C’mon we deserve it.

Photo by @yourname_photography

Liked by 267,092 people

fan3 the level of disrepect in this post is on a new level. 1. referring to Henry as famous and then not using the same terminology for yn who has worked with so many famous actors, musicians, polticians etc and is renowned for her amazing word. 2. “Cavill’s co-star” she’s her own person sis. 3. “we deserve it” no you don’t, you haven’t done anything to deserve anything from them

↳ yn-hen-fan thats the tea sis

geraltofriviafans ffs leave them alone. there is the little thing people like to have. its called privacy

celebrumourmagazine:

celebrumourmagazine Famous actor Henry Cavill and Photographer caught kissing on a boat whilst on vaccation with friends and family. We knew they were dating!

Liked by 393,209 people

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fan5 annoying that they didn’t say anything we all would have been okay with it

fan3 your comment perfectly shows how you wouldn’t have been okay with it. maybe they just wanted some privacy

fan2 I just found out that this photo amongst a few others were leaked from their phones. Ffs why can’t people respect their privacy y’all wonder why they didn’t say anything; this is why

henrycavill:

henrycavill well the cats out of the bag... not the way we intended to tell you guys which is a shame. We are very sad that this is the way you all had to find out. With both of our jobs being very demanding (we love them nonetheless and are very grateful) we don’t often get to spend time with each other so wanted some time just to ourselves, we wanted to share this amazing relationship with all of our fans when were ready but unfortunately that opportunity was taken from us. We hope you can understand: you all are very important to the both of us and we truly did want to share this with you, but both got a bit too caught up with having each other to ourselves. These photos were taken by one of our mutual friends whilst we were on holiday and were leaked from our phones. I am so shocked that they even managed to do this but I will not let them get anymore attention than that.

To my love @yourname_photography: the last couple of months with you have been bliss, I found myself falling more in love with you everyday. Your dedication to your work is truly inspiring, how deeply you care for and love those around you is second to none, you have taught me so much about so many things but the main thing I will cherish is what you have taught me about myself; you have taught me to truly accept myself and have taught me to see myself the way you see me. I love you more than I can even begin to explain and I can’t wait for what’s to come. Having you to myself has been truly wonderful but sharing how amazing you are not only to me but all those around you is something I am going to enjoy. Everyone should know the amazing things you do not only in your photography career but in other aspects of your life <3

Liked by yourname_photography, anyachalotra, freyallan and 1,203,028 others

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yourname_photography this is too sweet Hen, I love you so much. The past couple of months with you have been absolute perfection and I will cherish them forever. You are by far the best thing that has ever happened to me and I am beyond lucky to have you and have had you to myself but I’m ready to share you and to share us with the world

↳ henrycavill lets do this shit

freyaallan I was worried that I was going to be the one to leak the news and although I’m annoyed it came out like this I’m glad it wasn’t me XD, wish you could have announced it on your own terms though. I’m beyond happy for the both of you

↳ yourname_photography the sweetest girl <3 I thought you recovered quite well in that post XD

anyachalotra the cutest couple of all time... there, i said it

↳ yourname_photography said it you did. we are beyond grateful for you and how supportive you were of us from the get go

↳ henry cavill thank you anya, your support means the world to us

yourname_photograhy:

yourname_photography to my beloved Henry: the love you have shown me was one I didn’t believe in growing up, the kind of love I thought only excited in fairytales, books and movies. Boy oh boy was I wrong. The love you give is the kind of love everyone deserves, the kind where you give yourself to someone else fully without any selfishness or expectations. To most people you are Superman, Geralt, August Walker, Charles Brandon, Napoleon Solo and many others. But to me you are all those things and more. You are the guy that brings me my favourite soup when I’m sick, the guy that sits with me for hours trying to pick which photos from a shoot are the best, the guy that brings home lillies because you know they’re my favourite flower, the guy that sends me care packages when you are away, the guy that sends me goofy selfies of you and Kal, the guy that rubs my back and plays with my hair when I cant sleep, the guy that introduced me to my second family: the Cavill’s, the guy that works his god damn hardest everyday, the guy that puts in so much effort to raise awareness for endangered species and the fight that Durrell do, the guy that does so many amazing things yet expects nothing in return. You are the epic love of my life and I do not deserve you <3, you amazing, beautiful human, never change <3

Liked by henrycavill, anyachalotra, joeybateyofficial and 1,583,039 others

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fan6 HOW CAN ANYBODY NOT LIKE HER? THE WAY SHE TALKS ABOUT HIM, I MEAN UGHH SO FLOOFY

fan4 this post got more likes than henrys bc everyone realised they cant not like her

↳ henrycavill you made me cry ): now come give me kisses

↳ yourname_photography im coming, oops nearly tripped over kal

↳ fan 8 haha she’s commenting as she’s doing it how cute

joeybateyofficial all the haters be like “hmm, fuck” bc they realise there is -9182 reasons to hate you

↳ yourname_photography thanks for bringing the geralt comments here, someone had to do it :)

↳ joeybateyofficial it’s a honour :) happy for both of you... always knew he was a big soft... despite his rock hard abs

↳ yourname_photography spend a lot of time looking at my boyfriends rock hard abs much then? XD

↳ henrycavill not as much as you @yourname_photography, ayeee XD

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bratkook · 4 years

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clairvoyant. (m) part five.

masterlist.

word count: 6.4k

author’s note: wow i finally dug out my drafts and wrote another chapter for this even though its been two fucking years!!! im honestly writing this for myself because im bored and in a rut so if you read it tysm. also finally decided who it’ll be centered around so enjoy.

warnings: just good ole fashioned dry humping and kissing

Everyone around you was saying their goodbyes, thanking everyone for working so hard and you took that as your cue to start gathering the equipment up.

“Thanks Y/N, just take that to the storage room.” The photographer you and Yoongi were currently assisting pointed out to the far right. You nodded in understanding before unhooking all of the lights and tearing them down properly. A few people lingered behind, makeup artists gathering their supplies, wardrobe crew grabbing a few more snacks off the catering table, and Yoongi rolling up the white backdrop.

It was your first day on the job and it just so happened to land on a shoot day so you were trying your best to make a good first impression so they wouldn't fire you before you even really started.

So far everyone had been very welcoming and kind, no one yelling at you if you messed up a little so that got rid of your jitters. It felt nice to be able to work where you knew you could network and learn, the only photography experience you had at your old job was taking shitty pictures of the drunken idiots lying around near closing.

“So how’d you like your first assisting job?”

You looked to the left and saw Yoongi standing at the door frame of the storage room, a smile on his face and his hands holding the folded backdrop.

“It was great, seems like kind of a tease though because tomorrow we’ll be doing basic retouching on photos.”

He just shrugged after setting what he was holding down, “True, we get quite a few of these shoots though so make a good impression and someone might take you under their wing.”

You sighed as you locked the lights securely into place. Being taken under someone's wing before you finished school would be a blessing because it almost guaranteed a decent job after school was over and you were tossed into the great unknown of an art degree holding college graduate.

“Thats what I’m hoping for.”

The both of you rechecked everything was in its place and secure before turning the light off and locking up the storage room. Due to the fact the shoot day extended longer than a typical shift you were being paid overtime and let off once everything wrapped so you and Yoongi were headed to the nearest restaurant to get actual food in your system.

Your scarf was wrapped around your neck snuggly to protect from the cold wind and Yoongi draped his arm around your shoulder as you both casually walked. In this split moment you felt content, a slight feeling of everything starting to fall into place and you let yourself bask in it.

“What's got you all smiley?”

Yoongi looked at you with a small grin, his eyes focusing on your wide smile before shifting back up to your own eyes.

You just shrugged before playfully tugging his black beanie down over his eyes, earning a grunt of annoyance as he shoved it back up. “I’m just happy.”

“Are you usually not?”

There was a beat of silence as you thought it through.

“It’s not that I’m not, I’m usually just...living through it?”

He nodded in understanding, “I get you. Kind of just going through routine motions without really feeling much.”

A white cloud left your mouth in a huff as you sighed in agreement, “Exactly, don’t get me wrong there’s little tidbits of happiness scattered throughout but they’re just moments of happiness that pass as quickly as they happen. It’s been a while since I’ve felt happiness for the future and its exciting.”

You looked back over at him, seeing him nod because he fully understood. He was on the same boat as you, his parents much like yours weren’t supportive of his choice to pursue an art degree so you guys were scraping by and holding on to any thread of hope that popped up. The pair of you were just hoping everything would work out.

“Anyways, enough with the semi depressive reality check. I’m hungry and there’s this new korean barbecue place that opened up a few blocks away. Wanna text everyone and meet up for a nice family dinner.” He chuckled at the end of that, and you joined in light heartedly before whipping your phone out and sending out a group text simply saying “Korean bbq, don't be a bitch and meet here in fifteen.”

Low and behold, your group of friends were indeed not bitches, they all showed up as punctual as you would expect of them and they even brought along a straggler. This straggler went by the name of Jeon Jungkook and you couldn’t help but look at him with a smile, just seeing him trail behind Taehyung with his head slightly dipped almost like he was unsure if him being there was okay. Taehyung on the other hand paid him no mind and just waltzed in, his denim clad arms outstretched and a boxy smile on display as he approached the table you all sat around.

Him and Jungkook were the last to arrive so Tae decided to slip into the seat beside you, but not before slotting his lips against yours in a chaste kiss that seemed too casual. Like usual no one said anything and you just rolled your eyes with a smile and shoved his shoulder before redirecting your attention to Yoongi who was the master meat cooker.

Jungkook saw the small exchange and his want for coaching, as you so put it, was back. He wanted that, whatever the fuck that was that you and Tae had. Fuck, did that make him a typical fuckboy? Did this go against his morals of being a gentleman?

You had reassured him that it was fine as long as he was straightforward with whoever it involved and he had already set his eyes on someone. Now it was just a waiting game on if Jisoo the cute barista would be for it or not.

“Jungkook sit down!”

The resemblance to a deer caught in headlights was uncanny as he stared at you, realizing he had just been standing behind the only available chair as everyone stared back at him with their own food set up in front of them already.

“Oh, sorry.” His hands came up and ruffled his own hair in embarrassment before he sat down, “Just a little distracted”

Taehyung slid over an empty plate and pointed his chopsticks at him, “He’s been like this for a couple of days, what’s your deal?”

Everyone’s attention was back on Jungkook, including your own. His cheeks reddened slightly from all the eyes on him so he took it upon himself to just scoop up some rice to occupy himself. What was he supposed to say? Yeah sorry I got a lot on my mind like finding out Taehyung and Y/N fuck on the regular but aren’t dating and Y/N is gonna teach me how to do that with the cute barista everyone sees at the campus coffee shop?

“Just a school project.”

“A very hands on school project right Jungkook?” You couldn’t help but tease him, knowing exactly what’s been on his mind since you’ve been texting each other to come up with some kind of game plan on approaching Jisoo.

His eyes flicked over to you for a split second, only giving you a nod before nervously chewing on his lip. You couldn’t understand him, you really couldn’t. How could a man who looked like him be this shy when it comes to literally anyone? He could probably crush someone with his thighs for crying out loud, but here he sat with an aura surrounding him that just showed how unsure he was with himself.

He was a sweet kid, super respectful as far as you could tell, he just needed to learn that wanting to fuck someone while not wanting a relationship was completely normal. Sex was human nature and you were determined to get him to enjoy it as long as he was consenting to your help.

You kept your eyes on him, seeing him reach his plate over to get the meat Yoongi was offering him and mumbling out a thanks before turning his attention to Jin who was on his left and starting a conversation.

A small jab to your cheek via a chopstick snapped you out of your curious gaze, your fingers coming up to rub at the skin and looking to your right where Jimin was sat. “You into him?”

He had mumbled it out to you so quietly you almost didn’t hear him, a couple seconds passed before it clicked and you shook your head, “No, why?”

“You’ve been staring at him like he’s your next victim.”

You rolled your eyes at him and smiled before picking up some kimchi and shoving it into his mouth with no resistance from his part as he happily munched on it. “I don’t have victims Park Jimin.” The way his eyes slightly narrowed at you made it clear he was questioning why you were staring at him as intently as you have been, “I was just looking at him because he’s interesting don’t you think?”

Jimin shook his head because he had no idea what you even meant by that, “Interesting? He’s not a caged animal for you to observe you weirdo.” He was just teasing you, giving you a smile when he heard you laugh.

“That’s not what I mean, forget it. How was your mom’s brunch?”

At the mention of that his expression went blank and he poured himself a glass of soju and took a nice swig of it, “As amazing as you would expect.”

Jimin’s parents always went all out for these brunches, renting out the biggest places and inviting the A class elites of Seoul who would donate to whatever charity they were advocating for. They hassled Jimin every single time to network and find a girl they deemed worthy enough of him marrying and he absolutely hated it. He was the literal definition of a rebellious son, getting a kick every time he would get under their skin. Whether that was by going out on a date with someone they thought suited him and getting absolutely trashed and scaring said girl away, to getting his body tattooed and pierced against their wishes.

Jimin knew how to play his cards right, he knew his parents would never fully cut him off as long as he was somewhat compliant with a few things here and there but he wasn’t going to be molded into whatever they wanted him to be. He was their only child so in his mind who else could they possibly hand off their money to?

“I told my mom you were my date for the thanksgiving event.”

You hummed as you chewed on your food, already knowing this probably didn’t end well. “How did she take that?”

His smirk just proved your suspicion, “Super well actually. Especially when I told her I think you’re the one and I’m thinking about proposing to you.”

What?!

You choked on your food, coughing like a mad man and pounding at your chest with a closed fist. Taehyung who was sat on your left immediately handed you a glass of water and patted your back to help you out. All the while Jimin continued to stare at you with that shit eating grin on his face, pressing the edge of his glass against his lips as he waited for you to speak again.

“Jimin what the fuck I never agreed to that.”

Taehyung was now intrigued by whatever conversation you two were having so he decided to eavesdrop while pretending to eat his food.

“Relax Y/N, obviously I’m not doing that. It was a small joke.”

“It’s not a joke if your parents don’t think it is!”

He pursed his lips at you, “Damn is marrying me really that repulsive?”

Taehyung laughed to himself at that, gaining Jungkook's attention who was now looking at the exchange between you and Jimin.

“No, shut up! That’s not what I’m saying Jimin. I’m just supposed to go to scare off all the girls that wanna latch onto you, I’m not there to piss your parents off, they probably hate me enough knowing you help me whenever you can.”

Taehyung decided to stop listening at that moment, striking up a conversation with Hoseok instead. He knew how sensitive you were when it came to talking about receiving help and admitting to needing it so he knew this wasn’t his business. Jungkook on the other hand didn’t have a clue so as he stared down at his rice his ears stayed hooked on the conversation.

Jimin pressed a reassuring hand on your shoulder, “Y/N, I promise I was joking. I didn't tell my parents that, I wouldn’t put you in that position. They don’t hate you by the way.”

That was a little hard to believe, Jimin was a very giving person, especially when it came to his friends. The rest of your friends were a little more financially stable than you were so the amount of times he would take it upon himself to help you, because you had too much pride to really ask for help, surely it stood out to his parents.

“What I choose to do with my money is my business okay, my parents don't even notice where it goes half the time.”

You pushed the meat on your plate around with your chopsticks, your mood dropping down just a bit once you really remembered how much help Jimin gave you. You owed him a lot, and even though he says it's fine it doesn't make you feel any better about it.

“Hey,” Jimin slowly spoke, slouching down and looking up at you from your downcast gaze on the table, “Y/N.”

When you only pursed your lips at the sound of your name he sat back up and slung his arm around your shoulder, pulling you into his side and wrapping both arms around you. He had his chin resting on your head, seeing the rest of the guys now looking your way. Yoongi mouthing out what the fuck did you do while Jimin responded nothing mind your business.

“If I ever go overboard for whatever reason let me know and I’ll back off but if I can help you then I will and have no problems doing so okay?” He had mumbled all that next to your ear to not draw attention from everyone else.

With a deep sigh, you mumbled out an okay and tried your best to go back to the dinner you and your friends were having. Jungkook had heard the entire exchange and he wanted to say something to make you feel slightly better but there was no way he could do that without feeling like he crossed a line by eavesdropping in your conversation.

After a few moments the dinner had gone back to normal, all of you goofing around like you usually do, the guys including Jungkook in and making him feel like part of the group. When the time came to leave you felt your phone vibrate in your pocket so you slid it out to peek at the notification, momentarily confused when you saw Jungkook's name flashing on your screen when he was sat right across from you.

Regardless, you opened the thread of messages up and grinned when you read what he wrote.

Jungkook 8:45pm

Need help, Jisoo responded.

Jungkook 8:45pm

Can we go to your dorm?

Jungkook 8:45pm

Don’t want Tae to hear…

Right on cue, Taehyung slung his arm around your shoulders, not noticing how you locked your phone and slid it back into your pocket. All of you were now shuffling out of the restaurant, you and Taehyung in the middle of the swarm of your group that was now being reckless on the walk back to the dorms.

“Wanna go back to mine? I can try to get rid of Jungkook.” He whispered in your ear, kissing the side of your head swiftly as he waited for your response.

You slid your arm around his waist as you nuzzled further into his side when the wind picked up, “Can’t, Jungkook and I actually have some planning to do for his project tonight.”

At the mention of his name you could see Jungkook's back tense up from behind and you already knew he was listening in to your exchange while pretending to be invested in the ruckus Jimin was currently doing.

“Oh, planning? Is that code for fucking?” Your cheeks warmed up at his words, your palm instinctively smacking his side, “Cause, to be honest I don’t know how I would feel about you and my roommate banging.”

“Oh don’t be like that, sharing is caring right?” You teased, enjoying the suggestive look that took over his face, “But no, no fucking. I mean it when I say we’re planning for a project.”

He sighed and said alright before dropping the conversation altogether. The walk back to campus took a few minutes, your group huddled by the statue on the front corner of the campus as you said your goodbyes and dispersed. Jimin hopped into an Uber before heading to his apartment, Jin took off in his car to his own place while Namjoon, Hoseok, Yoongi and Taehyung hooked arms and stupidly walked across the quad towards the boys dorms.

You looked over at Jungkook, seeing him smile at the guys’ antics, his eyes moving back to you and seeing your hands motion for him to follow you to the girl’s dorms.

“Hey Y/N, who's this?” Joy asked with a smile from behind the front desk, hands already sliding over the notepad used for off campus guests.

“Oh, Jungkook. I’m a student here.” He slid out his wallet and handed her his student ID.

She hummed as she filled out his info in a separate notepad before handing it back with a smile. “Okay, well Jihyo’s doing her rounds for guests at 11:40 so if you’re planning on spending the night I’d recommend hiding around that time.”

Jungkooks face started to turn a light shade of red at the implication of him spending the night and now he was wondering how many times Taehyungs had to hide in your dorm on the nights he never came home and it also clicked when you’d make a swift exit out of his and Taehyungs shared room for a few moments when Namjoon made his rounds before sneaking back in when you thought no one would notice.

“Thanks Joy!” You winked at her, hooking your arm around Jungkooks and dragging him away while she fluttered her fingers in a goodbye wave.

When you entered the elevator you felt Jungkook finally exhale, “Wow, she’s pretty.” Was the first thing he said.

You could only laugh in response, “Oh, I know. All the girls here are Jungkook, and I’m pretty sure they’d all let you smash if you knew how to ask them.”

And now his blushed cheeks were spreading to his ears as well, he could see it in the warped reflection the elevator doors were giving him. Could he really just ask them? He felt like that would be the quickest way to get slapped to next week.

The elevator dinged and the doors slid open, you took the lead and walked out, turning left as your hands slid out the keycard that was in the small pocket in your bag. As you entered your room you noticed Wendy was gone, her side completely spotless as normal and a cute post it note resting on your desk.

Went out for dick and by dick I mean getting absolutely hammered and crying into my street tacos, won't be back until tomorrow so feel free to get your own dick down here all night xo

Jungkook read the note as well, quickly acting like he didn’t when he heard you giggling to yourself as you set your stuff down. His eyes roamed the room, seeing the cute touches you and your roommate have added, one of which was a giant polaroid wall on your side with plenty of photos of you and your friends.

“Okay,” you clapped your hands together as you walked in front of Jungkook and set your hands on his shoulders to force him to sit on your bed, “what’s going on with Jisoo?”

He slid his phone out silently, opening up their thread of messages and handing the device over to you. You grabbed it from him and flicked up to the top of the thread.

Jungkook 3:12pm

Hey, its Jungkook. Thanks for the free coffee

Jungkook 3:12pm

And your number.

Jisoo 4:30pm

Hi! Sorry I just got off work but you’re welcome anything for my favorite customer.

You continued to scroll, seeing Jungkook and Jisoo making nice, innocent conversation with each other. Jisoo kept implying wanting to see Jungkook outside of the regular visits to the cafe while Jungkook was either very oblivious or just didn’t know how to ask her out.

“Okay, she wants you to ask her out Jungkook. Why haven’t you?” You hand his phone back to him, seeing him fidgeting with his fingers at your question.

“I don’t know. I don’t even know how to properly ask her. What's a good date suggestion?” You slipped your shoes off and shuffled up on your bed beside him, choosing to get comfy.

“If you want something short and sweet, I suggest going out to lunch somewhere near campus. You guys can talk and get to know each other and you can get a feel for this before you decide if you like her enough to pursue something or if you’d be down for something casual with her.”

He sighs at that, laying back against your bed and using one of your throw pillows to cushion his head from hitting the wall. “Okay, and if I decide I want something casual how do I bring it up? And if she’s for it and tries to get physical how do I go about it?”

“Well for one, you’re not gonna bring it up on the first date. That kinda stuff shouldn’t be discussed on a first date, not unless theres an obvious connection. I do have to advise you though, if you just want something casual you can’t treat her like you want something more.”

His thick eyebrows furrow at this, “Wait, what do you mean?”

“I mean, if after this one date you decide you just wanna sleep with her or make it a friends with benefits kinda thing you can’t take her on dates or act like a boyfriend. Odds are she’s gonna be the one to ask you what you’re looking for and its very important for you to be honest. Thats how you avoid hurting someone.”

You’re gently patting his head at this, feeling him nod along to your words, “Also, in terms of how to act if she decides to get physical then you kinda act on instinct. I know you’ve only slept with one person before but what about kissing?”

He shakes his head at this, “Not much experience there either. I told you Y/N, I feel completely clueless and I know I shouldn’t care but I don’t wanna be dubbed as the guy that sucks at everything.”

A giggle leaves you at his statement, “Jungkook that’s not gonna happen. Kissing is like second nature.”

He slides the pillow out from behind him and covers his face to let out a groan into it, “Easy for you to say, you don’t understand how many times I have to listen to Taehyung brag about how great you are.”

“At kissing?”

“Yeah, and other things.” He trails off.

All you can do is sit there and think over his words, part of you wants to suggest he go to a party with Taehyung and make out with random girls before he asks Jisoo out if he’s so worried about being bad at kissing of all things but you know he wont be up for it. Another part of you wants to suggest helping him learn, one on one, but you’re also not sure how he’d take that. Even though kissing was entirely innocent in your eyes you really don’t want to make Jungkook uncomfortable.

“Look,” you start off, sliding the pillow off his face, “I can show you, if you want.”

The fingers that were strumming on his stomach freeze at your suggestion and you immediately think you fucked up. Until his head tilts to look at you, his eyes wide in curiosity, “Really?”

He sits back up to fully look at you, “Yeah, if you want to Jungkook.”

You don’t expect him to nod as quickly as he does but considering he’s eager to learn it shouldn’t come as too much of a surprise. “Please, as long as it’s not awkward for you.”

You shrug and say its not because it really isn’t, Jungkooks hot and kissing is your favorite pastime so you really dont mind. Plus considering you’re the one who suggested coaching him you kind of felt a tinge of responsibility to not let him go off with zero confidence with something as simple as kissing.

He could only sit there and you know he doesn’t know how to initiate it because of the position you’re in so you stand up and go to stand right in front of him. With the height of your bed and his height when you stand right in front of his sitting frame you’re only slightly taller than him.

“Okay, lets start slow yeah?” He nods, his tongue running across his lips in anticipation. You nudge his thighs apart so you can slot between them more comfortably and gently rest your palms on his jaw, getting closer to him.

“You can touch me, whatever feels natural okay?” He can only nod again, maintaining eye contact for a moment before looking down at your lips and seeing the smile on them. His eyes flutter closed when you finally press your lips together, his lips feel soft against yours and it only lasts a moment before you’re pulling away and his lips try to chase you back.

“How was that?” He immediately asks, not noticing that his hands had found their way onto your hips.

“Good, not too stiff. We’re gonna move on now, just try to follow what I’m doing.”

Your thumb traces his bottom lip before your hands go back to cupping his jaw gently. This time he closes the distance between you two, his lips slotting between yours easily with a little more pressure than last time.

You test the waters, letting him get used to the actions of open mouth kissing, feelings his lips relax after a while. He lets out a small gasp of surprise once he feels the tip of your tongue lick the seam of his lips. The grip he has on your hips tighten and you give him a few more seconds to adjust before you take it further.

One of the hands you have on his jaw slides down to grasp the hand on your hip and you drag it up so he could cup the back of your head. Your fingers dont leave his hand until he has a decent grip on your hair.

His mouth opens up a little wider, letting you slide your tongue inside and his eyes slip open for a second at the new feeling. Its wet, and a little ticklish but the sound of your lips smacking together and the small groans of pleasure you both slip out are making a small fire light up inside him.

The hand gripping your hair tightens up and he tugs gently, kissing you harder when he hears the small moan that leaves your mouth. Its pure instinct that has you swinging your legs over his thighs and straddling him on your bed, not noticing just how comfortable you’ve gotten until you find yourself grinding down onto him and thats when you stop.

You pull back, a small string of spit pulling apart between your lips and he doesn’t seem to even notice your new position. His eyes are half lidded and his breathing is harsh and the way his tongue comes out to catch the spit on his lips makes you want to dive back in but you snapped out of it.

“See, second nature right?”

He finally seems to realize you’re on his lap when he looks down and sees how flush you are to him, “Yeah, want more practice though.” He doesn't give you time to respond before he’s using the hand still in your hair to pull you towards him again and this time he’s leading the kiss.

He tilts his head and licks his way into your mouth, groaning when your tongues tangle together. He never realized how messy kissing could be but he thought it was hot. You can tell he wants to speed up but you keep your movements slow, knowing that the buildup is the best part, the feeling of your tongues playing tag or your tongue tickling the roof of his mouth before you pull back slightly to suck on his bottom lip. Those moments were always your favorite when it came to making out.

Jungkook starts to grow more comfortable, both his hands now coming to grip the back of your head and the other sliding up right beneath your jaw as the kiss grows deeper. And that's when your hips start grinding down again, this time Jungkook notices it right away and he pulls back to let out a moan.

“Sorry, is that too much?” Your lips are shiny and he can’t look away from them, “I know we said kissing but I didn’t really ask about this.”

His hands fall limp and just as you’re about to hop off they come back to life to rest on your hips, using them to slide you back across his lap, “No, I like it. Its uh, for the experience right?”

You nod at this, not giving it much thought because you just want to go back to kissing him. The logical side of you wanted to stop because you’re just supposed to be showing him the ropes on kissing on a first date and odds are Jisso’s not gonna hop on his lap in the middle of lunch in public and do this but the other side of you wants to see him fall apart underneath you and that part of you is winning.

“Tell me if you want me to stop.” You let his hands control the motion of your hips while you go back to kissing him. The flavor of the chapstick he had on is all you can taste as the kiss grows more heated. Your hands wrap around his shoulders as you pull yourself even closer to him, speeding up the rocking of your hips and feeling Jungkook choose to place his palms on your back, wanting you just as close.

The shudder of his breath fans across your face when he pulls back to let out another groan but you don’t want to pull your lips away so you trail them down his jaw until you reach the spot just under it when his jaw meets his neck.

When he feels your tongue on his skin along with the gentle sucking he can’t help but rock his hips up into yours, “Oh fuck.” He keens, applying more pressure with his hands to encourage you to grind on him faster.

“Feel good Jungkook?” You ask, nibbling on his skin softly before trailing your way back up to his lips, not slowing down the motions of your hips.

“Yeah,” he gasps, his eyes are blown out and he knows hes about to cum in his pants like a teenager but he doesn’t care. “So good.”

“Good.” Is all you respond, your lips coming together again to resume the motion that seems familiar now.

Jungkooks moans of pleasure are becoming more frequent and the feeling of him blowing his load right underneath you is making you embarrassingly wet, but right now its all about Jungkook. You can deal with your problem later.

“Dont stop, please.” He breathes out between kisses, his eyebrows coming together when he feels his climax approaching.

“You gonna cum?” You ask him, keeping your face close enough to his where you can feel his breath tickle your cheek at the proximity.

“Fuck, yeah.”

You speed up your hips, grinding down a little harder and grabbing one of his hands again to grab your boob this time. He gives them an experimental squeeze, moaning again at the feeling of them.

“C’mon Jungkook, you can cum.” His eyes are open now, looking directly at you and when he sees the fascination in your eyes at watching him fall apart he loses it, letting out a small wine as his body tenses up, his hips coming up to rut against yours as he rides out his orgasm.

He drops his head forward to rest on your chest as you continue to grind against him to milk out the feeling, his body shuddering at every roll of your hips until he’s whimpering at the overstimulation.

You still your hips and let him bask in the feeling, his back rising and falling as he tries to catch his breath.

“Jesus christ.” Jungkook pulls back from you, a dopey smile on his face that can be attributed to post orgasm bliss. “Does kissing always lead to that?”

“No, not always, but its fun when it does.” You smile back at him. His body is definitely loosened up now and just as you’re about to speak again a hard knock comes from your door.

“Fuck, thats Jihyo making rounds.” Your arms are still around him but you know you need to answer the door before she uses her master key to unlock it for you.

Jungkook groans quietly when you get off of him, any movement on his sensitive dick being too much for him to handle right now. He’s happy he chose to wear black pants and a shirt that will definitely cover the wet spot of cum because when you stand up off of him it is glaringly obvious what it is.

The room door clicks as you slide it open and he sees you greet Jihyo with a smile, “Hey Y/N, he’s gotta be outta here in 5 minutes.”

Jungkook can only awkwardly sit on your bed as the exchange goes down, “Yeah, no problem. We were just working on a project.” He sees Jihyo look you up and down, noticing your swollen lips and disheveled hair before she looks at Jungkook who stupidly covers his lap with the pillow beside him.

“Right. I’ll be back in a few to make sure he’s gone.” You nod before stepping back and shutting the door behind you.

“Sorry about that, I forgot what time it was. Do you want me to walk you to your dorm?”

Jungkook stands up from his position, shaking his head at your offer. “No it’s fine. I really should get going now anyways, that essay for creative writing is due tomorrow and I need to finish editing it.”

“Oh shit, you’re right.” Your hands comes up to your face, your teeth going to chew on your fingernail as you think of having to edit the monstrosity of the essay you wrote while you were delirious with sleep.

“Uh thanks for–“

“For giving you the best orgasm of your life? Yeah, no problem.” You wink at him, enjoying the flustered look that immediately takes over his face.

He lets out a chuckle, happy that you’re not making this awkward, “Really though. Thank you.”

You can only shrug, “You should really text Jisoo though, she’s not gonna reject you and if you kiss her like that she’s definitely not gonna turn down any offer you give her.”

Jungkook doesn’t fully believe you but he knows he has to bite the bullet and do it. He gives you a hug and says goodnight before he shuffles out of your dorm and into the elevator.

Now that he’s in a brightly lit place he once again looks at the warped reflection in the elevator doors, using it to fix his hair the best way he can and adjust his shirt and jacket to cover the wet spot on his crotch before he exits it.

Joy spots him as hes about to leave and lets out a whistle, “Y/N take you for a wild ride huh?” She teases him and he blanks, not really knowing how to respond until the automatic excuse comes out, “We were working on a project.”

“Mhm, some project. Bye Jungkook.” She waves him off with a giggle, enjoying how flustered he gets.

Jungkook all but runs across the quad, wanting to get out of the cold as well as into his room to slide out of his sticky ass underwear and pants. He uses his key card to open the dorm buildings doors, waving at Baekhyun before hopping on the elevator and making his way up to his floor.

When he slides into his room he really wasn’t expecting to see Taehyung still awake, resting on his bed against the wall where the giant canvas of his ass was hung up.

“Oh, hello.” Taehyung spoke up first, his eyes raking over Jungkook entirely. “How was the progress on your project?”

He knew Taehyung was asking an innocent question but Jungkook couldn’t help the pang of guilt he felt at it. He knew you and Taehyung weren’t together but he still felt like he was crossing a line by letting you give him an orgasm without his roommate knowing. Especially since Taehyung always boasted about the amazing orgasms you gave him, it almost felt like those were reserved for Tae only and he had just snatched one off the shelf.

“Oh, it was good.” He spoke up quietly, walking over to his closet to grab his pajamas, “Got a lot done actually.”

Taehyung had his eyes glued to Jungkook’s back as he rummaged in his closet. There was something off about him and he just couldnt put his hands on it until Jungkook slid off his jacket and shirt for his pajama shirt and turned around without a second thought to slide his pants off.

“Dude!” Taehyund gasped in shock, his fingers pointing directly at Jungkook's cum stained pants.

Jungkook looked down with wide eyes when he realized Taehyung could clearly see. “Did you catch a glimpse of Y/N’s tits when you were studying and busted a nut in your pants or what?”

Mm well no actually just good ole fashioned dry humping is what he wanted to respond with but he chose to deny until he died. “No! I spilled something on my pants at her dorm.”

Taehyung didn’t believe his horrible excuse for a second but didn’t want to continue to tease him, “Whatever dude, go shower. I don’t blame you, she’s hot I bust a nut just looking at her too, now imagine what her pussy feels like.”

Jungkook didn’t even want to respond to his raunchy comment, simply gathering his shower cubby and towel before leaving to go shower. Except now thanks to Tae he really couldn’t stop wondering what your pussy would feel like around his dick.

#jungkook smut #bts smut #jeon jungkook #jungkook #bts #new

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ask-de-writer · 4 years

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SEA DRAGON’S GIFT : Part 32 of 83 : World of Sea

Return to the Master Story Index

Return to World of Sea

SEA DRAGON’S GIFT

Part 32 of 83

De Writer (Glen Ten-Eyck)

140406 words

written 2007

Reproduction in any form, physical, electronic or digital is prohibited without the express consent of the author.

//////////////

Users of Tumblr.com are specifically granted the following rights. They may reblog the story provided that all author and copyright information remains intact. They may use the characters or original characters in my settings for fan fiction, fan art works, cosplay, or fan musical compositions.

All sorts of fan art, cosplay, music or fiction is actively encouraged.

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New to the story? Read from the beginning. PART 1 is here

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Chapter 10a: Grandalor : A New Tack

That same night, aboard the Grandalor, a very different council was underway. Barad gazed at his wife in one chair and Master Selked in the other. He made sure that the door was secure. He sat and fidgeted with a Three Dragons die. It was plain that something was bothering him. The others waited quietly for him to speak.

“Selked,” he began at last, “you know the whole plan to strike at the Longin. Please tell Tanlin exactly what the plan is and how it is to be carried out.”

“Is that wise, Captain?” Selked asked carefully. “She has already played a part in the plan but she may do her part best if she remains ignorant of the whole.”

Barad thought a moment, fidgeting with the die. A Dragon turned up. He replied, “It was Kurti who first brought your objections to my attention. Her untimely death and then the turmoil of finding Tanlin drove things out of my mind for a space.

“Now I want to hear you out and, at the same time, inform Lady Tanlin. Whether it is wise or not, she has asked me what the plan is. Mister Morgu and myself are blinded by our separate desires for revenge. I want her to hear it from you because you are opposed to it but have carried out your part. I want to see clear to the horizon on this matter. I thought that I did until I learned of your opposition. Please speak freely. We are friends of old, and I respect your ideas even when I disagree with them.”

Selked leaned back in his chair and steepled his hands as he organized his thoughts. “You must know first that I trust you. I believe that you can carry out your plan successfully or I would have no part in it.”

He turned to face Tanlin squarely. “In short, Captain Barad has a long standing grudge against the Longin.” When she heard this, Tanlin looked stricken. “It was Mister Morgu who proposed this plan for revenge and Captain Barad agreed to it. The plan is a covert murder. An Ord spine is to be pierced into the food of the victim, causing a slow and untraceable poisoning. Morgu chose the girl Kurin as the target because of her importance to the Longin.”

Tanlin started up in angry horror at the revelation but was quelled by Selked’s upraised hand. “Hear me out, Lady Tanlin. I have more to say. I was asked to speak my opposition. Captain Barad rarely asks for other opinions unless he truly wants them.

He turned and faced Barad squarely before speaking, “Briefly, Captain, I believe that you have chosen the wrong action because you have failed to sort out what your grudges actually are. May I elucidate?”

Barad thought that over for a moment before answering. Frowning in concentration, he replied, “Please go on. This plan seemed good but it has bothered me. Perhaps you can clear up my difficulty.”

Relieved, Selked plunged forward. “Sir, with due respect, you do not hate the Longin and never have. Your grudge has always been with Mord Halyn, the Longin’s captain. One person, not a whole ship.”

Barad thought over his many years of hate and looked at the die in his nervous fingers. A skelt.

Selked leaned forward in his chair and said intently, “Mister Morgu does hate the Longin and not any one person of the ship. The Longin’s crew exposed his first counterfeiting scheme and got him voted off his ship. Now, Morgu has made you the tool of his revenge.

“I suspect that you do understand why Captain Mord tried to expose you when you came to the Captain’s Council to be confirmed, so many Gatherings ago. True, he had little or nothing to gain by doing so. He is no fool but he is rigidly honest and fair. He believed your election false and tried to prove it, simply because he believed it wrong.”

Sympathetically, Selked leaned forward in his chair and laid a hand on Barad’s knee as he went on, “I have no wish to hurt you, my friend, by bringing her up, but before your first wife, Teralat, died, you would have understood his opposition. I thought that the feeling part of you died with her. Now I think that you only covered it up.

“I feared for your sanity when you lost Kurti, too, even if you and she could never have married. She had become your keel. Tanlin’s awakening seems to have been a gift of the Dragons that benefits you both. She gave you a clear course through the reefs of your grief and you have preserved her through her memory loss.

“For you, Morgu’s plan strikes the wrong target for the wrong reasons,” Selked went on. “There’s no profit in it for you or our ship. Even by the old Barad’s standard, that’s wrong. We should gain by what we do.

“If you want to hit at Mord, it is fair to hit at his ship as a whole: cost them fishing waters or get a Council ruling that harms their trade. It is spiteful to strike at them through an innocent like Kurin.”

Barad, deep in thought, turned to Tanlin and asked, “What do you think of what Master Selked has said?”

She took a deep breath thinking, Barad ‘asn’t even told ‘is closest friend t’e trut’ about us. Oi must remain Tanlin, even in private. Oi’ve got to’ conn t’is ship by Arrakan t’ought, and replied, “Oi agree wit’ ‘im for a differ’nt reason. Oi only just ‘eard o’ yer grudge against Ca’tain Mord but ‘e wa’ at our Announcement Feast by yer invitation, a public renunciation o’ yer ‘ate. Kurin wa’ also at our Wedding Feast. I’ she were our enemy, she should ‘ave been barred from ‘t. By Arrakan law and custom, w’ich ye claimed for our wedding, ye ‘ave t’ drop t’is.

“I’ we’re forsworn, we must part an’ can never remarry.” She buried her face in her hands, rich brown hair cascading down about her as she said in a shaking vioce, “I’ ye gae forward, I must find ot'er quarters an’ anot'er ship. Oi donnae won’t t’ lose ye, ‘Eart o’ Mine!” Startled, she realized that both her thoughts and words had framed themselves in Arrakan. Oi wonder i’ Oi’ll ever forget t’at Oi wa’ once anot’er?

Barad looked at her, amazed. “You have both gone to the point immediately. There is high risk and no profit. I have always tried to be direct rather than maliciously spiteful, Selked. You are right.

“As to your point, Tanlin, you are also correct. I did claim Arrakan custom for our marriage. I had forgotten that part of the Arrakan custom of Announcement Feasts. If I don’t put aside my whole rancor toward Captain Mord, who was an invited guest at our feast, then all of our vows at that feast will be forsworn.” He regarded her for some time before going on. Tanlin now clings to Arrakan ways and behavior so firmly that she might actually take this the whole way to its end. He saw a Dragon tide pulling the safe water from under him leaving only hard, jagged coral under his keel. Suddenly, he said decisively, “Tanlin, our love is more important to me than any hate. This plan is done.”

Tanlin leaned back in her chair in relief and asked, “Wa’ picking up t’at crazy boy, Silor, an’ sinkin’ ‘is boat like t’at part o’ t’e plot?”

Barad, glanced at the die in his now calm hand. A Wide Wing. Looking to be at ease with his decision, answered, “It was. I’ve known him for the last five Gatherings and milked him for information about the Longin. Where Kurin is concerned he’s so far onto dry land that the horizon hides any sight of water.”

“W’at’ll we do wit’ ‘im now?” asked Tanlin with genuine concern.

Barad considered carefully before he answered, “Now, I guess, we will have to help him sell his indenture to the Arrakan fleet. Once he’s away from Kurin, he should be OK.”

“Ye’re t’ good, m’ Luve. T’wad be easier an’ safer t’ repair ‘is boat an’ put ‘im bock on ‘is way t’ t’e Pollant fleet.”

“True, but I have known him for Gatherings and he is basically a good sort. He deserves the best chance that I can give him for the help that he has given me.” Barad smiled wryly, “It’s your influence on me, Lady of my Heart.”

“Still,” Selked remarked, “we need to inform Mister Morgu that the plan is off. And we need to make it impossible to carry out. Many have guessed that we meant to do more with that Ord than try to catch Strong Skins.”

“A wise precaution. I will make this a logged event with formal standing orders.” Barad stood and offered Tanlin a hand up. “Tanlin, my dear, will you assemble the officers and Masters in the Mess, please? I will address them this morning at 10:00.”

Tanlin left at once to notify everyone of the meeting. W’at kind o’ mon ‘ave Oi married t’at could ‘arbor t’is monstrous plot? Then she answered herself, T’e kind o’ mon t’at could drop a costly venture t’e instant t’at ‘e believed ‘t t’ be wrong, t’at’s w’at kind o’ mon ‘e is!

She found First Officer Timms on the quarter-deck, off duty, quietly watching sea glitter in the light of the rising Wohan. Long thin clouds glowed around their edges. The pale golden light of the early part of the moon-rise gilded the masts and yards of the sleeping fleet about them. “Tis beautiful, is ‘t nae, Mister Timms?”

“Aye, that it is. I’m in charge of the Day Watches, so I don’t get to see the sight as often as I would like,” he said quietly. “I wager that you came for a different reason, though.”

“Oi’m only newly come t’ t’is ship, an’ ye know m’ so well,” she said wryly.

“No, Ma’am, but I do know Barad and you’ve been closeted with him and Master Selked this last hour.”

“Little escapes yer eye,” she said, leaning comfortably on the rail. “Ye an’ all yer wotch officers are needed in t’e mess for a meeting wit’ t’e Ca’tain. New standing orders. T’will be at 10:00 A.M.”

“Aye, Ma’am. We’ll be there,” he responded smartly.

She went on with her rounds of the shops and crew. She ended at the Captain’s cabin for some much needed rest.

Her dreams were troubled. Two seabirds squabbled over a fish. And she was the fish. Children played at tug-o-war and she was the rope, frayed and near to breaking. She whimpered in her sleep. An arm gripped and held her gently. She calmed and smiled in her slumber. Safe now.

TO BE CONTINUED

<==PREVIOUS NEXT==>

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#SEA DRAGON’S GIFT #Part 32 of 83 #World of Sea #Written by De Writer

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jawnjendes · 4 years

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bonus: why is their luck in a deeply sad moment? | shawn mendes

some type of au idk man, shawn x goth ex gf

WARNING: there is talk of death and suicide in this chapter. read at your own risk.

AN: i cant squeeze this into the next big fic nor can i fit it into shawn meets bc everyone hated it so its a bonus in the gg story lmao also im starying the Next Big Fic in a few days :)

masterlist | annalise’s playlist

2026.

"Sometimes I think about the what ifs," Ann said, “but I like where I am. I like what I’ve made for myself.”

Shawn had to invite her over to his house a second time, because the first time left him with many questions unanswered. He couldn’t be mad at what she said, though. He was in the same boat; he liked the life he made. You know, without the crushing loss and run in with the supernatural.

“Well, I’m happy for you,” he told her, and he really meant it. “I’m glad we were able to successfully do our own things straight after breaking up.”

“Nothing like filling the void in your heart with work!” Ann replied with a giggle. She moved a strand of hair behind her ear, and that’s when Shawn noticed something.

He took her hand and noticed a tattoo on the side of her middle finger: The Triforce.

“You got inked?” he asked, impressed.

“Oh, that’s nothing,” she replied, grabbing her sleeve to roll it up.

There was a sword on her inner arm. It was varying in shades of blue, and it also had the Triforce on it. Shawn recognized it as the Master Sword from the Legend of Zelda games.

“All this is is proof that I’m a nerd,” Ann said as she rolled her sleeve back down. “I notice you have some more ink also… and that you still wear shirts half buttoned.” She pointed to his chest.

Her finger poked the exposed skin. It shouldn’t have been as tingly as it was. Shawn smiled and placed his hand over his chest.

“More than just that,” he told her. “But I can’t show you all of them.”

Maybe it was a little risky to say that. Shawn would have taken it back if Ann’s cheeks hadn’t gone a shade of pink.

“I could say the same thing…”

Shawn quickly came to learn just how many tattoos Ann had gotten over the years. A snake and tombstones on her other arm. Feather on her collarbone, roses on her shoulder. A quote reading, “...but I’m not anymore” with stars around it on her ribcage. Something on her wrist that Shawn didn’t catch because he was busy pressing his lips to her hips and taking off her pants, where he found another tattoo. “Lucky you.” He certainly felt it.

Everything about their time together was so familiar, so easy and almost home-like. Ann’s skin touching his. Her lips perfectly molding over his. The quiet, needy gasps they both released into the bedroom. It was like going back in time, and they were in Shawn’s Toronto apartment instead of his multimillion dollar condo in LA. It was soft and slow, despite Shawn pinning Ann’s arms above her head. He didn’t outgrow that particular move, and she still seemed to like it.

Shawn had never been happier to have been on a break more than now. Most one night stands in the past began and ended very quickly, because he was on tour or in between interviews or on a break for one day. This was one person that he didn’t want to leave behind. They lied down, sweaty and dazed, facing each other. It was silent, but not awkward. Everything had a nice haze around it.

That was also when Shawn finally made out what the tattoo on Ann’s wrist was. He picked his head up in confusion.

“Is… are those torches?” he asked. “Upside down? Just like mine… and are those my initials?”

It was simple line art, less intricate than his own. Torches in an X, with “SM” right below them. Shawn has been floored many times, and this was no exception.

Ann picked her head up as well. “It’s not what it looks like.”

Shawn looked down at his chest, his torches were exactly the same, sans the initials. He wanted to give Ann the benefit of the doubt, that this wasn’t some creepy fangirl thing. Some of his one night stands ended up like that, and it wasn’t exactly easy to forget.

“It’s for a friend of mine,” Ann explained, sitting up and covering her front with the blanket. She took note of the look on Shawn’s face. “Keeping someone’s light on beyond death, remember? I assume yours is for someone too.”

They were both sitting up now, and Shawn relaxed. However, he only relaxed a little bit because now it was time to get deep.

“Mine’s for Brian. He died last year.”

Ann’s face fell. “No. Brian, your best friend? Brian, the one who constantly took the piss outta me?”

He nodded. “He was… there was an accident. Flight of stairs. Instantly killed.” It was all lies, but no human would understand.

A hand went over his, squeezing. “I’m so sorry. He just, he just fell down some stairs?”

“A lot of stairs. I don’t know I guess he was running or something. There was no way to save him. People in the house heard the crash, but by the time they found him - when I found him - it was too late.” He had told this version many times, enough times to where he could almost believe it himself.

“Fuck, man. That’s… that’s fucking terrible,” Ann said sympathetically. “But I seriously can’t believe you just told me that.”

“Why?”

“Because now I have to tell you that mine is for Stella. Those are her initials.”

Stella Martinez. Now Shawn felt a little stupid… but surprised, and he was met with a sinking feeling in his stomach. He couldn’t believe it for a second, but it fully processed in his head, and his heart began to break.

“Stella from college? Stella, who was your literal opposite and also your best friend?”

Ann solemnly nodded. Then she looked down. “She… she killed herself.”

Shawn was stunned into silence, the tightness in his chest only intensifying. The entire time he knew Stella, she was always so positive and bubbly. She was the opposite of suicidal. That’s why it was such a shock… and so sad. Oh god, who was going to tell Camila?

“When did Brian go to the other side?” Ann asked after a moment.

“A year ago last month,” Shawn replied. “And Stella?”

Ann raised an eyebrow. “Two years ago last month...”

It was a strange coincidence, but still upsetting. Both Shawn and Ann lost their best friends at the same time of the year. The urge to spill everything was thick in the air. Still, neither of them said anything for a while.

Instead, Ann reached down to the floor to pick up her clothes. Shawn’s eyes were stuck on her and that was when he spotted another word on her back. Nightmare. Small font, right shoulder blade, surrounded by a cluster of skulls. Then, he realized what she was doing.

“Are you leaving?”

She looked up, bra in hand. She was quiet as she put it back on.

“No. No, I’m not going anywhere.”

And she crawled back into bed. She made the point to keep a distance from Shawn, who was still naked. He was on his side, looking at the woman before him. Only Ann could have sex with him and bring up the subject of death. That brought a new point to mind.

“How do you enjoy death?” he asked. “I think I’ve asked you this before, but after losing someone and attending their funeral, I’m having a hard time understanding your perspective.”

Ann took a deep breath, looking up at the ceiling. “I don’t enjoy the act of dying. People die every day in horrible ways. People mourn and fall into depression because of death. That’s not something to enjoy.”

“So what’s your deal with it?”

“I’m just embracing the face that it’s inevitable. I do that for myself. I will die eventually, or tomorrow-”

Shawn made a face; he didn’t like that thought.

“It doesn’t make it any easier when someone I know goes,” Ann continued. “You’d think with all the research I’ve done it would be. The ones we love leave this mortal plane, and all they leave is their absence. And that alone is a lot to process.”

“What’s the hardest part?”

“The what if’s.”

Shawn asked because he really wanted to know more about what happened to Stella. He had to know the things that led up to the tragedy, mostly because he knew Camila would ask for details, even if they were hard to hear.

He figured he should spill his side first.

“The last thing I said to Brian was to get the hell out of my room,” he began. “We were fighting, fighting over something so fucking stupid, and I was so pissed at him. That was our last interaction. He fell down the stairs because he was trying to find me in this big huge mansion…”

Ann sat up a little bit, hand over her chest. “Here?”

“Oh no, not here. I was staying at a friend’s house in London for a work thing. Place was huge, easy to get lost in,” Shawn clarified. “Brian, Andrew, all of them were leaving back to Toronto and I didn’t want to go just yet. Part of it was because I was still pissed. Maybe if I had run into him first before he fell… If I hadn’t kicked him out of my room a few nights prior… If I was less of an asshole…”

“Maybe you would have slipped on the stairs,” Ann told him. “Maybe you guys would have had an even bigger argument later that would have ended your friendship. There’s no way to tell, and sometimes that’s what sucks the most.”

Huh. Most people tell him not to dwell on it. No wonder Ann was a shrink now.

“Losing someone is one of the hardest things we, as humans, have to face,” she said. “It’s not easy in the slightest. Besides, the grieving period takes about three to five years, so you - we - are still in the beginning stages of it. Thinking about the what ifs, what you want to change, what you wish you could say to Brian - all of that is normal.”

The two of them let those words settle for a moment. Shawn’s eyes were a little misty, and redirecting the topic was probably not going to help. But he laid his stuff out on the table.

“What about you?” he asked.

“Me?”

“Your what ifs?”

Ann paused, looking around the room. “What if I had put my Master’s to use and noticed the goddamn signs?”

Shawn watched her, hoping she would at least return the eye contact.

“I’m an expert in this shit,” she said. “I have the years of school, the degrees, and the licenses for detecting things like this. I only figured it out the moment her dad called me.”

“How do you detect when someone is suicidal?”

“In her case, she was elated. When someone makes that decision, they reach a state of euphoria because they know their pain is about to end.”

“But Stella was always-”

“Believe me, I know. I hadn’t talked to her since graduating in Toronto, so I thought she hadn’t changed at all. But I would see on her social media, she just moved back to her parents’ house in Florida, and she hinted that she wasn’t happy about it.”

As if Shawn couldn’t take another blow. Come to think of it, he never heard much about Stella’s home life. He didn’t even think that it could be a negative place for her.

“I was in Jacksonville for work,” Ann continued, “so I hit her up, and we met up for lunch. We talked for about an hour, and she said that I was always a good friend and college wife and that she’ll always love me. And my stone hearted ass just said ‘cool, you don’t suck’ and that was that. A month later, she’s as blue as the pills she took.”

“Ooo…” Shawn sighed, cringing at that mental image. Sweet, warm hearted Stella cold and lifeless. Call it morbid, awful thinking, but Shawn wished Brian looked like that in death instead of the bloody mess he turned out to be.

“Yeah. And her parents had her embalmed and put in an airtight casket, but that’s a whole other rant.” Ann waved it off and lied back down.

Shawn didn’t know what else to do except lie down as well. While sharing the stories of how their friends died, he couldn’t help but feel just a little bit closer to Ann. The first time they met, it took fighting tooth and nail to get her to open up. Now, Shawn felt okay silently reached for her hand, and tenderly holding it in his.

Both of them winded up at the same awards show. Both lost their best friends. Both got the same type of tattoo to honor them. Neither of them anticipated meeting again. This couldn’t be a coincidence.

_______

goth gf taglist: @normalcyisoverrated-beyou @ilsolee @mendesromano @kitykatnumber @strangerliaa @iloveshawnieboi @someoneunimportantxx @goldenmndes @calyumthomas @shawnsunflower @shawnvvmendes @parkeraul @havethetimeeofyourlifee @chillingbythesea @wronglanemendes @softmendesss @peruvian-bae @theprivatewritings

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes smut #shawn x oc #shawn x goth gf #if yall r pissedt abt brian #it had already been establishedt #i made my bed imma fukin lie in it

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darisu-chan · 5 years

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Okay, but what about a Fruits Basket AU where Rukia lives with Urahara (as Shigure), Ichigo (as Kyo) and Uryuu (as Yuki)? Like, I just wanna fangirl with that idea

…

DUDE

Ihalf-heartedly thought about a Fruits Basket AU, and then you come here withthis idea.

Holyfucking shit.

Okay

Here wego

1. So, when Rukia lost her sister, Hisana,she stayed with her brother-in-law, Byakuya. However, he had to do somerenovations. Awkwardly, and so that Byakuya wouldn’t waste money on her, Rukiatold him she’d be okay living with a friend. Being, well, typical Byakuya, heaccepted without another question. Rukia totally lied. She didn’t have any friends and nowhere to go, soshe had the fantastic plan of living in a tent. You know how that goes.

2. Oneday, as she’s strolling in the forest where she lives, she finds a houseapparently in the middle of nowhere. She notices that there are ornaments ofthe 12 Chinese zodiac animals outside, so she stops to admire them. There, she meetsa blond man who owns the house. They talk about the ornaments, and theirconversation continues until Rukia asks why there isn’t a cat figure. The manasks him why she cares about the cat, and Rukia tells him that when she wasyoung, her sister used to tell her the story of the zodiacs, and that shewished she was of the year of the cat. The man looks at her intensely.

3. Suddenly, Uryuu, the most popular kid in school,arrives. It turns out that the man called Urahara and Uryuu are cousins. Beforeshe has time to think about it, Rukia ends up walking to school with Uryuu,which proves to be a big ass problem, since most of the girl population isin love with him (It’s what he deserves). They all start bullying Rukia abouther coming to school with Prince Uryuu. In this AU Rukia has no friends, soArisa and Saki don’t come to rescue her (though I kinda headcanon Rangiku andNemu taking these roles). Instead, Rukia tells the girls that nothing happened betweenUryuu and her, that they’re just classmates. They, very passive-aggressively,threaten her, but Rukia braves the storm. She believes she won’t come intocontact with Uryuu again. That’s a lie.

4. Rukia finds Uyruu in the locker room after schoolis over, and he walks with her. They talk about the zodiacs, and Rukia mentionsthe cat. Uryuu gets visibly upset and calls cats idiots. Rukia is surprised butcan’t say anything more when she has to get to her part-time work. Beforeleaving, Uryuu tells her she looks pale and that she should rest.

5. Rukia believes Uryuu is weird, but, ultimately,feels like she kinda understands him. Even though he’s popular, he’s lonelylike she is. Anyway, when walking home, she finds Urahara and Uryuu in theforest. She tells them she lives there, which they find weird since the wholeland is owned by their clan. Rukia explains her story, about how she had tolive in a tent due to Byakuya’s house being renovated. Urahara totally messes withher, which causes both Uryuu and Rukia to yell at him lol. Eventually, Uraharahears something and says a cliff has collapsed. They go to investigate, and yeah,the freaking cliff collapsed on top of Rukia’s tent. She has a melt downbecause the only picture she has of her sister is inside. Before starting todig up, she faints due to having a fever. Urahara takes her back to his house,and Uryuu stays behind, digging up her stuff. Back at his house, Urahara asksRukia why the photo is important to her. She says that the day Hisana died, shedidn’t say goodbye. That Hisana had been hiding her illness for some time, andthat Rukia never noticed. Rukia blames herself for going to school withoutgoing to see Hisana. They had fought over something silly during dinner, and soshe left the following day without even seeing Hisana. Rukia regrets fightingwith Hisana, because nothing should have mattered as much as her sister, whohad raised her after their parents had passed away.

6. Uryuu hears Rukia’s story. He feels like an idiot.He had never noticed his classmate had lived such a painful life. Uryuu decidedto live with Urahara instead of the main house, to escape his father’sexpectations, as well as the Clan. But believes that if he had truly wanted toleave, he would’ve lived in a tent much like Rukia. This conversation givesUrahara the idea that only Rukia can change the lives of the whole clan.

7. Next day, Urahara and Uryuu urge Rukia to live withthem. In exchange for living there without paying rent, Rukia will have to cookand clean for them, because the fuckers suck at doing this. Seriously, thehouse is a mess. “How can you be two grown men and don’t know how to cook basicmeals and clean?!” “Well, you see Kuchiki-san, a man such as myself doesn’thave the time to─” “You’re hopeless”

8. Sadly, before Rukia can move into her own room, aguy with obnoxious orange hair comes crashing down the freaking celling just tofight Uryuu. “You damn rat, come fight me!” “You’re gonna lose, stupid cat!”“NANDATO?!” Fed up with the juvenile and one-sided fight, Rukia tries to stopthem by pulling the orange haired guy, which is a big mistake, because the dudeturns into a cat right there and then. Urahara arrives at that exact moment andtries to stop himself from laughing, while Uryuu sighs. Rukia flips out andturns to ask Urahara and Uryuu what the hell is happening, when she trips andfalls on top of them. They turn into a dog and a rat respectively, and Rukiabelieves she finally lost it. They start speaking, and Rukia freaks even more.Urahara, as a dog, explains her that their clan is cursed by the zodiacs. Whenhugged by a member of the opposite gender, they transform into animals.Thankfully the transformation doesn’t last long, however, the downside is thatwhen they become humans again, they’re completely naked. *Cue transformationand Rukia screaming because she almost saw them bare*

9. The orange haired guy is named Ichigo, and he’sUryuu’s and Urahara’s cousin. Apparently he disappeared for four months totrain in the mountains, and fight bears. Rukia doesn’t know what tothink about him at first. He’s rude and loud and he hates Uryuu for whateverreason. She starts guessing it’s probably because in the story, the rat tricksthe cat, and that’s why the cat doesn’t belong in the zodiac. As for Ichigo, herightfully believes letting a girl live with them will carry even moreproblems, especially since she knows their secret.

10. Urahara talks with the clan’s head, Aizen, and helets Rukia continue living with them, which means her memory won’t be erased.He also makes Ichigo join the same school Rukia and Uryuu go to, which pisseshim off. It turns out Ichigo is a very shy person, yet he makes friends easily.This upsets Uryuu, who, even if popular, has no true friends. Rukia, then,discovers that their rivalry goes both ways, and that both are jealous of eachother. They’re idiots, as Rukia will later tell them, because the two are greatin their own way.

11. So Rukia continues living with the three, gettingto know them. Uryuu learned martial arts later than Ichigo, but he is stillbest at them. He prefers sewing, though. He’s very good at fashioning clothes,blankets and even stuffed animals. He makes a blue dress for Rukia to thank herfor everything she does for them. Meanwhile, Ichigo loves martial arts becausethey give him the strength to protect the people important to him. He teachesRukia some moves so she can protect herself, as she walks to the house byherself after her shift at part-time job is over. Uryuu and Ichigo actuallytake turns accompanying Rukia home. She hates the attention but when she’s withthem it’s the only time the two get along.

12. Over time, Rukia gets closer to them. She tries tosooth their worries by giving the same type of advice her sister used to giveher. She makes it clear both are worthy just as they are. If they want toimprove, it should be to become better people and not to please others. She isnothing but kind to them, and they are kind to her in return. Soon, they’reclose enough that it feels as if they had been friends their whole lives.

13. When the renovations are over, Byakuya calls Rukiato come back home. She doesn’t want to go with him, but she knows that she can’tstay with Urahara, Uryuu and Ichigo forever. So she goes but she’s miserable,because living with Byakuya involves living with his relatives, who all hateher as she doesn’t come from a rich and prestigious family. They somehow findout she was living with the guys all along, and call her a slut and ask her ifshe had been sleeping with them. Before she can’t react, Byakuya slaps theperson who insulted her, and tells them he won’t let them insult Rukia in hishouse. Then Rukia breaks down and says that’s the first time since Hisana’sdeath that Byakuya has looked her in the eye. Byakuya tries to comfort her andasks her if she feels comfortable living with him. She admits she wants to goback to living with Urahara, Uryuu and Ichigo.

14. Meanwhile, Uryuu and Ichigo feel like a part ofthem died when Rukia left. Urahara gives them her address, and they both rushout to find the house. Uryuu gets lost and it’s up to Ichigo to find the house.Though they fight the whole time, they feel that they are in the same boat asboth miss her. They eventually find Byakuya’s house just in time to listen howByakuya’s relatives insult her. The two get enraged because how dare they hatesomeone as amazing and kind as Rukia! But before they can act, they witness howByakuya defends her and asks her if she’s happy living with him. When they hearRukia confess she wants to go back, both go inside the house and tell Rukia she’salways welcomed to come back. Rukia nods with a watery smile.

15. As Uryuu collects her stuff, Ichigo takes Rukiaout of the house and scolds her for just living. If she had asked from thestart, they would have told her she could stay as long as she wanted. Rukiasays she didn’t mean to impose. Ichigo calls her an idiot and tells her she’llnever impose on them or be seen as a nuance. That he doesn’t see her as that.Then Uryuu returns and tells her he feels the same. She’s part of the familyalready, more than their own relatives have ever been. Rukia agrees to continueliving with them for as long as they will have her, and together they returnhome.

Obviously, there’s much more that can go on, but I don’twant to spoil others who might want to watch Fruits Basket.

This was so much fun! And I’m sorry I took so long. Atfirst I was going to write a few sentences but I decided this ask deserved muchmore! I love Fruits Basket and Bleach very much. Maybe later on I’ll actuallywrite the AU. But who knows.

Thanks again for the ask!

#ichiruki

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coridallasmultipass · 4 years

Text

Tmi / talk about menstruation and iud / venting / but i just wanna get this out, and maybe someone else is in the same boat as me because ive never been able to find any accounts of similar experiences ... I wanna preface this by saying im 26 and have rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia/chronic pain, which is probably related but i dont know how. I normally have super heavy periods and debilitating cramps, along with discomfort during penetration (or similar activities) on some occasions. Ive tried a couple different birth control options over the years and each one has given me constant cramping. Its weird because the cramping on the pill (2 or 3 different kinds of BC pills in different times of my life) and depoprovera shot were the same in that i would get terrible cramps whenever i did any kind of activity but especially when i stand up from a sitting position. I remember being in college and standing up and having to immediately sit back down hunched over until it passed. I got the depo shot a few months ago and it was the worst thing ever. I had severe cramping with all kinds of movement (and havent been able to even touch myself without setting off the cramps) and after a month of it i started bleeding for a month straight until a doctor gave me estrogen pills on top of it to stop the bleeding. The pills stopped the bleeding but not the cramps, so the plan was for me to wait it out and try an iud next since the medicine would be administered locally instead of by pill or shot through my whole body.... three months during the depo shot i could not exercise or do any physical activity, which of course is making my fibromyalgia and mood worse. I feel like ive lost a whole year to the depo shot, on top of other health problems that have been acting up before the depo. It sucked and im not trying it again. I had about 2 weeks until the mirena iud insertion where i was taking the estrogen pills and still cramping (along with getting a full heavy and bad cramping period during the vitamin-pill week while i waited for the prescription to come in. The cramping was so bad i almost wanted to go to the emergency room, but it lessened by the next day even if i was still going through so many pads.) Before the iud insertion i took a pill the night before which the doctor said could help loosen up my organ to allow for easier insertion since ive never had a kid. I knew i could expect a lot of pain given how sensitive i know i am, but the few people ive heard get them said it was only really painful during and they were fine after, so i figure i could be strong and deal with it if its going to help stop my monthly cramping and bleeding. Turns out the insertion was the worst pain ive ever felt in my life. Normally having a speculum put in already puts me in considerable pain (a speculum feels like a shard of glass shoved in me) but it pales in comparison to getting the iud. I was crying out and struggling to stay still during the proceedure but once it was over i hoped it would start to feel better. It burned with pain and still does days later. I didnt realise i would get severe cramping immediately after the insertion, but i could barely stand up. The doctors had to let me stay in the room for like a half hour before i could limp back to the car. Im lucky i had my mom to drive me home because i could still barely breathe it hurt so badly. I took tylenol about a half hour before the proceedure but i dont think it did anything. I couldnt take advil because of other medicines im taking. So the only other thing i could do is lay there screaming in pain with the heating pad pressed on me. A few hours later my mom had to call an on-call doctor from the same hospital and he said to go to the er so we went. The rest of the night is kind of blurry i was in so much pain and could barely think. The er gave me a painkiller and later a muscle relaxant before telling me i have to stop my other meds so i can take advil. I was there for like 6 hours i think, feeling waves of terrible cramps that feel like a knife is slicing the inside of me - the same feeling as the iud insertion. I feel bad for everyone who had to hear me screaming every 10 minutes and my mom who had to stay with me. The doctors kicked me out immediately after giving me advil and i went home barely able to even walk or move. It took me another 2 hours to manage to fall asleep even though i was so exhausted and had the worst chest and body pain from being so tense at experiencing the worst pain of my life. Nornally, if unmedicated, ill get periods so bad im screaming in pain, but it will only last 1-2 hours until the advil or tylenol kicks in and dulls it down to a bearable ache, so this iud was supposed to be my fall back on options to eliminate cramps. (I really wish the doctor would just let me get a hysterectomy i dont ever want kids and this whole situation is giving me severe gender dysphoria) Yesterday i spent the whole day sleeping off my traumatic er experience and today im still getting really horrible waves of cramping and nausea. Thankfully im not bleeding (...yet?) But it still feels like having a tampon being yanked out of me that wont come out. The knife feeling isnt there so im not screaming, but the cramps are still so bad and i dont know if i need to take it out. The er doctor said to take it out if the advil doesnt help, and that this is most likely anxiety making the pain get out of control. The er nurse said this is normal. Like??? How the fuck to people deal with this im scared about taking it out because thats probably going to hurt even more. I forgot to ask my prescribing doctor if theres a risk for toxic shock or something but like i dont have a fever its just so painful feeling it there. The placement is "right" according to the ultrasounds but it hurts so much and is still giving me cramps I really dont know how anyone could deal with this the whole thing is so upsetting i want it out but i dont want to deal with the proceedure to get it out and that same severe cramping i dont think theyll allow it to be a surgical removal but i wont be able to sit there and deal with it again!!!! Just thinking about all of it is giving me more anxiety too, i have such dysphoria about my internal organs and such a terrible phobia about even having them!!! This amount of cramping should not fucking be "normal" i hate being invalidated at the er like that God i just dont know what to do the cramping is so bad and im still scared of getting an ulcer from the advil. Thats another thing. A year ago i got an ulcer from taking advil because of period cramps, so ive been suffering taking tylenol! Thats why i want a BC that works to get rid of cramps and bleeding!! Now here i am with the worst cramps and bloating of my life!! How am i expected to function like this!!! I dont remember half of the past few days because ive been in so much pain!!! I can only hope this gets better because it feels worse today than it did yesterday, even if its not as bad as the day before when i had the insertion done. The doctor said if im still having the same kind of cramps ive been getting with the other types of birth control after a month i can look into other options (hopefully hysterectomy!!) But thats so far away and i havent been able to practise driving or apply to any jobs because i cant fucking do more than sit or lie down because of the god damn cramps Ive lost like all my personality and enjoyment of life and lost any one i could call a friend because this is consuming me and i cant fucking do anything i hate it i just want something to go right for once i want to be able to exercise again i love exercising and i havent been able to go for a walk without getting winded and severe cramping I cant even find other people that get cramping on birth control when standing up or doing activities so i dont know why this is happening to me ive looked everywhere i can and all i get is dysphoria because """"mensutruation is a womens health problem"""" and my phobia of pregnancy makes it impossible to browse forums I dont know what my point to all this is i just really need to vent because i feel so alone with this specific problem Life sucks and then you die i guess lmao

#delete later / /#maybe / /#mirena #mirena iud #iud #depo #depoprovera #birth control #menstruation #vent / /#pregnancy mention #negative / /#depression / /#tmi / /#long post

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unproduciblesmackdown · 4 years

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some random numbers: 1, 3, 6, 15, 23, 31, 35, 40. give me ur ungodly long answers.

lmaooo YES brevity whom......i cannot be concise

1) favorite videos?

i sure spent 2010 - 2014 enjoying youtube horror interpersonal-drama series marble hornets, those are a good time. and here in the future you and i both know there is just a wellspring of wrol-related Video Content out there, god damn, i really love so many of them.....in between that there’s sure been a lot of fun and funney videos and like, some Artistique ones i like to revisit [or have disappeared :( ] but i always like to promote this Wuthering Heights one. i love it. oh lol!!!! and the uh, Skate 3 Glitch compilations!!! so so funny

3) favorite memes?

i think Deep Fried Memes are fun all the time lol. the Youtube Meme of “___ but ____” is a lot of fun OH YEAH steamed hams was awesome too. the 24601 Releases A Sammich On Parole ytp is priceless......this is just turning into favorite videos again lmao. vine as a meme and a whole

6)favorite mixes?

you know i never really made or used playlists lol!!!! i will just be like, in the mood for certain songs or else like “i want to listen to music but....which ones”.....i say i can never be concise and all of these answers turning out short lol. it’s not b/c i’m Concise but b/c like, i don’t know what Favorites i have and i don’t have a memory that works without Direct Reminders of Specific Things so i’m just failing to like, come up with the info in the first place smh

15) favorite fictional characters?

here we go lol i can answer this one cuz when i have a fave rave it’s rare and like, easier to remember cuz i do not Go Hard about it that often.....weirdly for the first few years of The Decade i did’t really have such certain faves.....i was def enjoying some characters, as i always do, but nothing like super standout. then in ‘11 or ‘12 or whatever i was like oh hey, ed from cowboybeboy.......and then just had like, the solo experience of me humoring myself w/ that. bit of an usual one b/c a lot of the characters i Really latch on to will tend to be kinda roughly similar in ways that maybe seem pretty at-first-glance levels of obvious, buuut idk she’s not That far off from my usual selections i guess lol. anyways then in 2014 i was like, time to go ham for lars. what a valuable time it was....what Fun we had.....truly tho! and then another interval later it’s 2016 and for similarly (relatable characters of roughly the same cut) i was like, well here i am having a great time re: kip, all while getting to generously use of my fave shade of blue and fangs central and all that fun stuff. and then another interval later the Eventual Unfolding of what started innn 2017 i guess occurs, and it’s late 2018, and i’m like, time to look into Jared Kleinman b/c just from reading the wikipedia summary that didn’t mention him all that much i could tell this was probably a character i’d go ham for for predictable reasons, and the vague interest in that has stuck with me for the past little-over-a-year......and then i was Completely right lol. deh? well that’s just Bonus Jared Lore, to me (though of course alana in her own right is a great and similarly underappreciated character. rights)....and then of course i’ve had a lot of fun with pretty much each and every Wrol Role lmao.......Very fond of jeremy, and also christine, and bmc just has really enjoyable and interesting characters all over the place. and of course, here i am, Extremely #about winston quantbillions as another certified fave rave, really. call it classic!!!

[[answered both 23 and 31 prior, actually.....words were typed....]]

35)a random memory you remember with strange clarity?

tough one because lol a fair amount of “you recorded this memory in a fair amount of detail” is due to increased levels of unpleasantness / stress / discomfort, and if it’s also “i remember this b/c it was Nice” then i wouldn’t call that Strange clarity lol, and Random Memory like “just pull one up from the ol memory bank” is like, god, i wish it were that simple........but give me a min.

oh yeah i had a High Time of it when pokemon go came out (only pokemonn game i have ever played lol) coz there was like, this stretch of Landmarks stops that started at this garden and went along this waterfront / connected park forrr maybe like a half mile stretch? ideal territory and people would actually like, come from out of town to partake in it lol. and i’d Download podcast eps on my phone from my work’s wifi and just like, in the evening listen to that or music and just like, walk and do this shit. i had like five or six gyaradoses at one point cuz i guess the riverside nature of it meant they wanted to throw all these magikarp at you (there Were carp, also! one of the parks had a koi pond.) and like, there were just all these people around doing it along with you, even that late at night and in the early AM hours, so it was fairly social even if u weren’t there with a group or talking with anyone (though there was Camaraderie like, oh hey just so you guys know, there is a ____ over by the boat.) and it was just an interesting Walk with several things to look at and routes to take. and one time in a weird Dead Of Night time like 1am there was this like, smallish cruise ship docked that actually Set Off. and like, a bunch of us randos were just standing there and watching this unfold. this isn’t a very good Clear Random Memory but if i tried to think of a good one, god only knows how long it’d take me lol

40)an important personal revelation?

oh jeez this has really been a decade with lots of the unfortunate combo of “stuff that is a bummer but also boring” lol.......a benefit of getting to spend more time than not Away From The Parents’ House was like, oh sweet, having this perspective for long enough finally leads me to the conclusion of why i hate this......B/c It Is Bad. oh yeah and then there was also conclusively figuring out early in the decade like oh right, i’m trans, that makes sense.......other layers of Gayassedness like oh, more specifically i’m nonbinary, oh yeah and like, i’m not straight, call that queer and/or bi and/or also Gay......bein grey ace like a champ, and aromantic like, oh yeah i’m not like, fucking up at being a person somehow and Letting People Down by not wanting to date them (i mean besides rando cishet men. they can be let down regardless).....and just like, this ongoing process of getting the space to b figuring out myself and what i like For myself in alll kinds of ways....even up till now with the “oh yeah ive been a theatre gay all my life lmaooo” bit that’s like, totally obvious but just like, i didn’t much have the reason to even look at the would-be obvious stuff from the right perspex till now. and it’s pretty fun to realize a Lifelong Area Of Big Interest like that, cuz those sorts of things can feel elusive. and then also unfortunately a lot of the decade has involved like, “oh my self-esteem is so fucked that it’s circling back around and i’m appreciating and valuing myself and that i deserve decent treatment and Not bad shit,” which was a crappy process obviously lol but it was nice when i did start to get there, and making further progress on that front. im not dead certain when i was like “hmm...am autistic” b/c that was definitely a really ongoing process of figuring that out lol, but when / as i did it’s definitely a series of “oh hahaha this is why i’m like This or why i do This or feel like This about This!!” and it’s really easy to learn a totally Brand New Thing all the time abt bein autistic where it’s like Oh #Me!! coz yknow. the info By and For autistic ppl is not always widely available and known of. love that for us

#thank u!!! and thanks for the End Of Decade Ask Meme in the first place lol #cockbiteproductions

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flowers-by-the-bed · 4 years

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Just ignore this it’s just for me to try and organise myself because idk what to do right now aside from cut myself up and hit my head and I’m trying my fucking best to not do that. But as always I need the knowledge that my thoughts are “out there” rather than just writing somewhere private in order to feel like it’s helped me. Not that I have much hope for that anyway. I was doing so so well, moving on, making progress, taking control of things, finding good influences to be around and getting my work done and it all gets shattered over nothing or when my meds don’t work as well as they should. Everything in my life and everything about me is so fragile and built on such fragile foundations and however stable or genuine the changes I make seem, they are nothing. Even if my mood flips again tomorrow and things magically get better, it doesn’t make my emotions any less strong right now, and it would definitely flip back to this as soon as the next stressor happens. I hate it.

I wrote out a huge post about all my feelings earlier and it made me feel better but I went to post it and the fucking connection got fucked and it deleted itself and that alone has sent me spiralling and im so upset and angry and that just says everything, i almost threw my laptop at the wall but threw my phone instead. I’ve been trying to remember what I said because it made me feel better but I just keep crying and hitting things and myself and I cannot shake it, and that’s my reality rn

_____

I’m so exhausted being me and being this mess and I don’t want to even try anymore. Whatever I do and however much I think I make progress, I always end up back in this situation with no triggers or warning. No progress or motivation is worth it because I will never be fixed or stable and there isn’t a guide to navigate this. Why should I try and move forward when within three days this can happen and I’m back at square one. Either my meds were faulty or this is just me but who the fuck cares which it is because either way I’m just a fucking incapable piece of shit. There is no reason I should flip this quickly and feel so strongly over literally nothing but tiny normal inconveniences and the level that I hate myself because of everything and just in general is too much. I hated myself anyway but EUPD moods make it so much worse and so much more intense and I literally cannot do anything close to normal functioning when this happens. My dad came round to check how I was and I cried for a while but then I was ready to try and go out the house with him, but I saw myself in the mirror and had a complete breakdown and cried in bed for hours and didn’t speak. I’m fucking pathetic but I can feel all of the fucking fat on my body everywhere and it feels like a disease, I disgust myself. I couldn’t move or even think about going outside because I couldn’t and still cant stand the thought of anyone seeing my body. It’s vile and I hate it and even when I have a few good weeks and start eating normal amounts again, seeing my body sends me back into a spiral and I regret ever eating at all. I’m crying now because it just feels like you can see the fat expand by the minute and it makes my anxiety and anger and sadness go haywire. I don’t want to try anymore I’m exhausted trying to pretend that one day I’ll get fixed and I’ll be stable enough for myself that I can lead a normal life but it just isn’t possible. I want to drop dead because this is not living. I am exhausted of my thoughts making me think of the most triggering things when I know full well I am already bad enough that I want to die and hurt myself, and just sinking lower into that spiral until I scare myself about what I’m going to do. Every single month there is something that brings me back to this place where I remember that no matter what progress I’ve made, it’s all fake and down to some fucking pills. And as soon as those get taken away, I’m back to being some pathetic waste of space and effort who’s almost 25 and unable to even control their fucking emotions even at the bare minimum level so I can function. I felt so guilty with my dad here and me just being a wreck and unable to talk or go outside. It’s pathetic. I don’t know why I deserve a head that hates me this much and can’t do it’s only fucking job. I’m tired of faking it and tired of hating myself and tired of knowing that for as long as my life lasts, this is all it’s going to be. And it isn’t a life. It isn’t fair and I don’t know why I had to end up like this. EUPD is ugly and it is vile and eventually, whenever it happens, this will be what kills me. The only things that distracted me even a little was my dad coming over and keeping me busy before I fell back into that hole and Matt messaging me, because it grounded me a little for an hour or so because it was nice to interact when it’s been months, but it didn’t work for long. Those aside, I just want to be someone else. It’s too much, I don’t know how to get my thoughts out, I can’t get the anger out even when I hurt myself or break things, it’s like drowning in self-hate to the degree that you cannot see anything else. I just want to sleep and wake up and have this whole stupid fucking disorder and brain gone or a bad dream. It’s not hard to see why I don’t achieve anything, I will never get to my full potential because of my brain and the boat has pretty much already sailed on me achieving the things I wanted to with my work anyway. Because of how incapacitated I have always been during education because of this. It’s not hard to see why people leave, why I am too much to handle. I flip so quickly and the anger expects others to understand what’s going on when in reality I don’t have any idea either. I need validation and then I don’t want a thing from them. It’s too much. I don’t blame anyone. I blame myself. Every aspect of my life gets fucked up by my inability to control myself or my thoughts or feelings and this is just a huge fucking pity party for me to try and organise my thoughts, just so that for the rest of today, I might be able to move my head away from them now. I’m exhausted. I’m angry. I’m upset. I’m detached from 90% of the people in my life and I don’t care. I just want to hide until I drop or until just one area of my life makes sense. If I could hate myself less and not want to puke and cry and cut every time I saw my body, I’d be able to come with the sad and the angry. If I didn’t react so strongly to the smallest triggers, or felt stable, or stable in my relationships, or able to trust ANYONE, I’d be able to deal with hating myself a little better. If I didn’t read meaning into everything people say and misinterpret things, or have such a strong emotional reaction to people speaking to me or whatever then I’d have more stable relationships and I could cope better with the rest. If I didn’t have such bad anxiety affecting most of my life, the EUPD in general would be easier to control. If I didn’t feel this inability or desire to share with the people in my life who actually do care, I’d find things easier to deal with and would have an actual support system. But by my own design and suspicion and refusal to overshare and burden people directly, I’m a fucking mess. Everything hitting me at the same time, at 400% power, it incapacitates me. I wish I didn’t have a personality disorder so I knew exactly what I’m actually like, and not constantly wondering what is me and what is an illness. I wish I wasn’t anxious so I trusted people’s intentions and could be myself instead of reining myself in and being terrified of being bad at things or embarrassing myself, and never making progress with anything or anyone because of it. I wish I had a healthy relationship with food. I wish I didn’t self harm. I wish I wasn’t depressed. I just want to be someone else and be a real adult. Life is hard enough without an arsenal of chemical imbalances and broken mental Schemas. I was doing SO well and it equates to nothing. I don’t want to be a 24 year old pathetic mess of a person. It’s too much. Although I do it to myself because I’m not someone who enjoys talking directly to people about my problems and I’d never want to burden them, it’s alienating and hard to try and function without explaining what is wrong.

#personal #eupd #bpd #mental health #illness #venting

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shrimpcolour · 5 years

Note

answer them all coward

take two after closing the tab when i was almost done w every question im gonna fucking lose my shit

angel; do you have a nickname?

people call me nicknames but i hate any variation of taylor

awe; how old are you?

baby; favorite color?

lilac

bloop; spirit animal?

kitten

blossom; favorite book/movie/song?

Fahrenheit 451 im1 shes so man matchbox 20

blush; what was your stuffed animal as a child?

my lamby who i still sleep w everynight bc i am baby

breeze; most precious childhood memory?

getting told i can keep my cats

bright; mermaids or fairies?

fairies all the way

bubbles; do you have a best friend?

not so sure i do

buttercup; showers or baths?

shower

butterfly; dream destination?

anywhere outside of the us

buttons; are you religious or spiritual?

no but i wish i was

calm; favorite scent?

vanilla

candlelight; what did you dream about last night?

some fuckshit on the beach

charming; have you ever been in love?

yes

cozy; eye/hair color?

blue/brown

cuddly; what’s your favorite time period?

time is fake

cupcake; favorite flower/plant?

hibiscus

cute; what did you get on your last birthday?

money like a lot

cutie pie; most precious item you own?

my kitten lucifer but saying i own him sounds weird

cutsie; what makes you happy?

jillie

daisies; describe a moment when you felt free.

i cant remember

daydream; how do you want to be remembered?

i want to be remembered as nice? kind? please .

daylight; favorite album of all time?

kindly now by keaten henson

dear; zodiac sign?

scorpio

delightful; concerts or museums?

concerts but i love museums

dimples; have you ever written a letter?

yes but i didnt send it

dobby; dream job?

something that has to do w art

doll; how do you like to dress?

i like to dress in a cute button up and jeans but that doesnt happen

dovey; any paranormal/magical experiences?

no but i wish so bad

dreams; do you want or have any tattoos?

yes i want many tattoos and on my 18th im going w my dad to get one

drizzle; do you believe in aliens?

fuck yeah

euphoric; talk about someone you love.

i love my sister so much she is my literal will to live she is so fukcing funny and happy and just UGHHH shoutout to kaylleee

fairy; do you have a pet?

yes i have two cats, boots and lucifer, and a dog named finn

fluffy; ocean or mountain?

ocean is where its at

forever; where do you feel time stop?

the park near me at night

froglet; are you a good plant owner?

sadly not

garden; how many languages do you know?

one bc im weak

gem; who are your favorite tumblrs?

not tagging them but like . cmon . yk

giggles; what is your aesthetic of choice?

that warm cozy library aesthetic ? i love that

glittery; do you like anons? why/why not?

i love them bc it gives me the opportunity to talk to ppl who are too scared to talk to me (please dont be scared of me)

glow; list the top 5 things you like about yourself

my eyes my hair my sense of humor my friends my socks

heart; silk or lace?

silk

honey; coffee or tea? how do you take it?

coffee w almond milk

hugsy; do you enjoy people watching or bird watching more? why?

people watching bc i like to give everyone a story in my head

hunnybunch; what sounds help you sleep?

melatonin LMAO

jewel; what’s your favorite kind of weather?

rainy and cold

jiggly; what do you usually like to do on weekends?

sleep my life away

joy; do you laugh loudly or giggle more?

loud laugh baeby

kinky; do you blush easily?

i dont think so

kisses; what romantic cliché do you wish for most?

that friends to lovers mutual pining takes a little bit to realize what they want is right in front of them i love that

kitty; what’s your favorite time of the day?

1am-8am

ladybug; what’s your favorite artist to listen to when you’re sad?

keaten henson

love; what is your favorite season and why?

fall bc the weather and the holidays and my job ITS ALL TOO GOOD

lovey; what is your favorite flavor of macaron and ice cream?

i have never had a macaron but i love oreo iceceram

magic; what are five flaws you have?

i overthink AND underthink at the same time like what a dumbass bitch, i doubt myself, i am not so bright, i am too loud around ppl im comfortable with and i am selfish sometimes

moonlight; do you prefer soft pastels, warm neutrals, or cool darks?

i like all of them it depends on my mood

munchkin; what do you look for in your significant other?

i dont really look?

paddywack; how would you describe a perfect date?

minecraft and sweatpants

pebbles; how do you spend free time by yourself?

on minecraft or on here or just like . sitting

precious; what is something valuable that you learned in your life?

dont judge a book by its cover is so fucking cliche but like . you gotta learn it

pretty; do you like to cook or bake more?

cook baeby

prince; how would you describe your handwriting?

lazy oops

princess; do you play any instruments? if not, are there any you wish you could play?

i played the flute when i was like 10

prinky; how do you relieve stress?

scream

pumpkin; what is your favourite kind of fruit/vegetable?

strawberry/sweet pepper

rainbow; what was the last line of the last book you read?

“so we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past”

roses; what is the most significant event in your life so far?

my sister being born

smile; what is one thing that has greatly affected you?

the loss of all my friends bc im fucking stupid. thats the one.

shine; art or music?

both

shimmer; do animals tend to like you?

they do

smitten; do you collect anything?

i collect disney pins

smoochies; how many pillows do you sleep with?

one? two?

snuggle; what is your favourite candy?

kitkats

snuggly; do you have a camera? if so, what kind?

i do but i dont know what kind and idk where it is

sparkle; do you wear jewelry?

i wear earrings and a necklace sometimes

spooky; sunrise or sunset?

sunset

sprinkles; do you like to listen to music with headphones or no headphones?

with head phones but too loud so you can probably hear it without

starlight; what was your favourite show as a child?

hannah montana baeby

soft; describe your favourite spot in your house.

my bed. it has so many blankets and its quiet bc of the AC and it has my favorite things

soothe; digital or vinyl?

digital

squeezed; who do you miss right now?

my best friend francesca like a lot

sugary; what traits do you value most in friends?

loyalty

sunshine; do you prefer for things to be practical or aesthetically pleasing?

practical?

sweet; do you find it easy to open up?

no i dont think ive ever completely opened up if im being honest

sweetie; do you like kids? if so, do you ever want to have any?

i do! i want two kids!

thimble; is there somebody you look up to? who are they?

this is gonna sound so fucking dumb but i really look up to jenna mourey/jenna marbles

toot; what is something you find unique about yourself?

idk man im quite basic

tootsie; what kind of friend are you?

im very loyal but i tend to hold a grudge so like . thats an issue

treasure; what was something that made you smile today?

tina made me laugh shoutout to tina

velvet; are you an early bird or a night owl?

night owl

whiffle; if you could have a magical power, what would it be?

invisibility baeby

whimsical; do you prefer doing stuff at home or going out?

home home

whiskers; do you usually wear makeup?

no but i like doing it

wiggly; are you a messy or tidy person?

messy oops

wispy; do you like the place where you grew up? do you think you will live there when you get older?

i like my town but i dont think i wanna lvie here

wobbly; have you ever wished upon a star?

yes i have

#cheers i did it after almost losing my mind #if anyone reads any of this i am sorry and you get a gold star #driftingbarnes

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j-hope · 6 years

Note

could you tell me where all these dispatch photoshooting behind videos are from I'm so lost

its from dispatch utube channel u can find all the vids they posted here 💌

im so nervous/excited for this comeback uidhiush

me too hfnndgnfdg i looooove the concept photos so far

fav hair color on hoseok? and what hair color would you like to see on him?

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa hfnhfgnf im so sorry im replying to u late bcs now we alrd kno wht hobs hair style/colour for this cb. but to answer ur question!!! idk i feel like i couldnt choose & i love all of them bcs they could evoke certain memories/era/achievements of tht particular times & my heart expanded 68 times ;;; hmmm but if i had to choose its really the long curly blck hair he had recently godhdhg, the curly blonde hair thats so sexy, the red hair! bcs its his fav & i feel like a lot of things happened during the time he had red hair, the orange hair bcs of this legendary fancam i love sm tht makes him looked like a pretty magical fairy ;; sp**ng day exists for me just solely bcs of his hair the pastels looks so soft on him & run era hob is so sexy :’(((( & the second part!! i kno we get to see he has blck hair But i actually was more anticipating his hair style & i want them to be longer But he had his haircut………..& i really really wanna see him in dark purple & dark green hair colour hes gonna be sexy & pretty at the same time

Is there a photo out there of a close-up or clear photo of J-Hope’s tattoo on his wrist??????

nope ;;; just the picture newsen took but!!!! im sure we’re gonna see them in action. hopefully fjdhg

that video of hoseok having the hiccups I’m in my uwus he’s so cute :((

not only tht he actually looked like the softest baby i wanna pepper soft butterfly kisses all over his face!!!!!!!!!!!!!! & how he gets the hiccups bcs hes scared fhjgkdgh :(((((( hes so puuuree………..

i just hate the fact that i will never be able to tell hoseok how much he means to me and how important he is to me like i literally cried in therapy cause of this ( so my therapist is making me write a letter to him). I just pray that someone at a fan signing or somewhere has told him that he’s an incredible human being and that he deserves all the happiness in the world. I love him more than anything. Like, he’s the one thing that I have in my life that makes me constantly happy.

hggnghgn sweetheart believe me when i tell u i really kno how tht feels. i just //////wish he really kno how much of an impact he had imprinted in so many people’s hearts u kno? like. reallyreally kno how special he is to so many people & how much he had helped us & i pray to god he wont ever doubt himself bcs hes sososooo important. i wish he kno he really is our piece of peace & all his pure intentions are so admirable & inspiring & i hope the world doesnt change tht innocent side of him & would only turn him softer more than anything else. i hope he rest easy knowing he is sooooooooo loved sooo loved by so many people hnhnhnnhhnngnhnh im gonna cry i love him sm………………………………………………..

people saying hoseok and jin aren’t brave at all makes like no sense at all cause like sure they might get scared the most but they always do the stuff that they’re scared of and that right there shows how brave they are

please!!! seeing his growth in facing his fears are soooooooooo fulfillng?!!? like remember how he cant even get on the banana boat when they were filming in sabah But how in bon voyage 2 he joined all the water sports activities & he had also!!!! snorkelling & play by himself in the water!!! i was clapping by myself like a madwoman when i watched how hes snorkelling by himself at the bck sjdkhffdkjg thts sososooso!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😖💓 how he even jumped from the boat pinching his nosie hes sooooooooo cuteeee i love him the fact tht jin & hob did all those things despite theyre scared shitless tells a lot 💓💓💓

#i love u hope yall had a hopeful day 💚#Anonymous #replies

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k-bloggs · 6 years

Text

Have an embarrassing read at something i tried to write a couple years ago. back when i was happy lol

My First Blog. – 20/11/16

Okay, so here goes. This is my first ever attempt at anything like this really. I have written before in many different formats and styles but I don’t know what’s come over me lately but I feel inspired to write again and I know as well as anyone else this isn’t a typical feeling that comes along every so often so by fuck I am gonna’ grab it and take a chance and see where I end up. I literally just unlocked and locked my phone again there because I’m trying to have a proper focused dedicated mind to attempting this. I’m not even too sure what I’m supposed to do in a blog, what even is a blog? I don’t know but I know that I’ve wanted to start making a journal of things that are going on in my life but due the fact I am extremely lazy this may be very seldom so the next update could be quite a while so don’t expect anything too frequent.

Like I said I’m not even too sure what I am meant to be doing or how I am even meant to go about it, I am a firm believer in the fact that writing doesn’t have to be performed or practised in any particular way. That there is essentially no wrong or right way in how it is carried out or laid out, but I feel like I just want to do something a bit more productive with my life from now on. A long childhood friend has recently started doing animations and making his own videos and uploading them to YouTube and to be quite honest they are great, its so great to see something like that, the thing about Ryan Is that our friendship took a bit of a standstill when we were kids must have been between the ages of 8 and 10 at least. Ryan and his family were emigrating to New Zealand and as a kid yeah you see this as a big thing but you don’t realise the likelihood of seeing them as often is completely and utterly abolished due to the fact you have no idea how much it would cost to fly out there. Ryan must be around 18 or 19 now and I just turned 20 there this year, and its great to see we still have so much in common, to just spit it out and be clear after seeing that this is what he into it kind of inspired me to get back to what I love doing. I love writing. I’m not so much of a reader which is the weird thing, again all down to my laziness, if a book doesn’t get my attention within the first paragraph or so I find it very hard to stick with it or even go back to it if I do manage to finish a chapter. The same applies for the likes of articles and campaigns and any form of literature really. But I thought hey you know what it’s about time I started doing what I love and even more its about time I start love what im doing.

Just to be clear, this year has probably been one of the biggest milestones of my life. I finally did it, I finally got a girlfriend. Fuck. It’s still weird even saying that, so yeah I will leave the ultimate love story of the century to maybe the next blog or edition whatever the fuck you want to call this. This is mainly just for me to get to grips with the style that im going to write in, if I do choose to carry on with this (Which I feel like I will). If anyone reads this yeah, awesome im happy someone out there is reading my stuff but to be honest this if for me as much as it is for anyone else out there. I want to see what I can do and if this really is the best time to get back into writing, basically one side of me is saying yeah what the hell go for it you need something like this but at the same time as there always is, the polar opposite emotion of just fear I guess? Not wanting to pick something up again only to go off my track record and drop this 5 minutes later like I do with everything else? But hey its 7.15pm on a frosty Sunday night in November, what else am I going to do? Sit, procrastinate and wish I had of done something useful.

Not that im going off track because essentially there isn’t much to this article its just me spamming a lot of stuff down so who ever reads this can kind of of get a grip of where I am right now in life and basically why I’m doing this. So here goes, I dropped out of college for last week. For the second time…

Yeah im officially a two time college dropout, nothing t be proud of I assure you, but im just waiting for the opening credits to roll ad realise im in the first scene of a really shitty coming of age movie where im the older brother your parents don’t want you to turn out like.

But yeah, I left school at 16 and went to a technical college, basically an establishment which offers a-levels to people who didn’t get back into school or else didn’t want to go back to school. I studied a 2 year course in creative media production and honestly it was awesome, it was so fucking cool and the course didn’t have that many uninteresting or boring areas, but yeah you guessed it I was lazy didn’t do any of the work and just took advantage of the whole independent learning aspect of it and never bother showing up for class plus a whole pile of other steamy shit went on that year that we are just not gonna discuss at this moment in time. But coming towards the end of the second year when the course was gonna finish and In a couple months after that I would figure out if I got the grades to get into the uni of my choice I asked my teachers if they would be wiling to let me come back and repeat the second year of the course. They were more than happy to, they gave me exactly what I needed, a fresh slate and a chance to correct myself, and you know what happened? Yeah your right I totally blew it and fucked up again just hated the thought of working or studing in media for any longer. Like I loved making short films and writing screenplays and everything I even liked some of the assignments but basically I had it in my head I didn’t want a career from this anymore due to the fact it was something I loved so much and it was basically kicking my ass all day, all fucking week long. The only thing that got me through that repeated year of college was the girl of my dreams and we weren’t even going out yet. But as said before there is more to come with her, she deserves the whole word so the least I can do is dedicate one sole piece of writing to me and her and our story, truth is there are not enough words in the world to even begin to describe who she is and how she thinks and works and even jus to describe how she came into my life, yes a combination of letters on a page or screen may work for some people but no, not for her. This girl is a queen from another realm, she is a princess from a faraway kingdom, she is an angel from heavens further and beyond the highest clouds. She is the love of my life and that is the only way to explain her and who she is. But getting back to the educational fuck ups In my life, here goes the explanation to how I arrived here, 5 days after dropping out of another course. This time I was studying IT, you know trying to go down that route of career, thinking of my future and what not? Yeah that didn’t go to plan either, I basically rejected a full time promotion on good money and I hadn’t regretted anything as much in my life. Basically college was another fuck up and let’s just say I managed to get out and finished a bit earlier this time rather than waste my own time and anyone else’s. Plus, if I carried on with these next two years that would 5 years of studying A-levels just for me to be a whining little bitch about how I didn’t want to go to university. I am just at the stage of my life now, not where I am considering moving out and settling down but some things don’t appeal to me the same as they used to. Going to uni and living and experiencing that independence in life and finding a career path and devoting the rest of my life to something I may not even be happy at? Na, no thanks not for me. Not at this moment in time anyway. For right now I’m happy enough to keep my eyes and ears open for what all jobs are available for me and what foot to put next in front of me. Get a couple extra pounds in my pay check each fortnight and you know that might do for year or so. Maybe get back on the studying boat in a year or two and carry on with the IT. That is, you know if I don’t become like a stereotypical copy of a character you would expect to see in a ‘Community’ reboot.

I was watching a clip of Jim Carey giving a speech a couple of days ago and basically what I got from it was that he had returned to his old school or college or university or whatever in order to give a commencement speech or he was receiving his award or something anyway not really vitally important. What is important is what he said in his speech, basically his message he was getting across as in most motivational speeches, is the reinforcement of using fear to help you rather than to put you off, accepting fear and accepting that no matter what you will fail, but that’s okay and if it wasn’t for the fact that accepting it you wouldn’t have the drive to reach for greatness like so many greats have done before you, whether they have made it to great fame and fortune or if it was just the regular girl from a small town who made a life and career for herself because it’s what she wanted to do. Anyway, Carey says, “You will only ever have two choices, love or fear. Choose love and don’t ever let fear turn you against your playful heart.” Basically what Carrey is telling us here is to embrace fear, don’t avoid it, stare down the barrel of its gun charge at it and conquer it, but never let it conquer you, never let fear become the objective always make sure it rises no more than an obstacle in your course, a mountain you must climb or a hurdle you must leap over. Defeating fear is never the final piece of the puzzle. Like walking in a straight line, you put your left leg forward and then do exactly the same with your right, repeat until you arrive where you need to be? Well, fear is that first big step. The first big step into a new world and a new environment and mind set and who knows what it’s going to throw at you. But you need to remember that it’s there to make sure you don’t triumph in whatever you set out to do, but you can’t move forward without taking that step. Then comes the next step, failure. And as stated before yeah, your gonna fail, your gonna fail and you’re going to fuck up and mess up and trip up, over and over and over again, this is the repetitive steps the same as walking that we take to go in a straight line, the same works with this. Without taking the same repetitive bullshit same old story steps in life, we will never reach the finish line that is success.

#blogging #cringe #first blog #wiriting

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drews-diary · 3 years

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21.08.19

today’s diary entry is gonna be weird. also hi, its been a while. a few days ago, i learned that the fourteen year old i tutor has a boyfriend. and while that is a perfectly reasonable age to have a boyfriend i just cant get over the fact that someone born in 2007 is already capable of typing let alone dating. I remember when my friends little brother who was also born in 2007 was crawling around and cried cuz he hit his head on the table. but to be fair that didnt really bother me too much as i always felt as though i was stagnant and things around me were the ones always changing.

But then today i was listening to taylor swift’s old albums cuz i was feeling nostalgic and i listened to fifteen from the fearless album that came out back in 2009 and i realized that she released that song when she was around twenty which means she probably wrote in when she was in her teens writing about how she knows so much more than she did back when was starting high school that she wish she could tell her younger self. and i remembered listening to that album as a child and expecting myself to feel the same by the time i became an adult. yet here i am at 21 no thoughts head empty. and i realized that even if i met 15 year old me there is next to nothing i would want to tell her because i still feel like i am more or less still the same ignorant uninformed person. the only thing i would tell her is to stop fucking around and focus on school.

i feel like i dont have as much experience as the other people around me. I never used to care that i’ve never been romantically involved with someone, but i always thought it would happen eventually when i got to college but a three semesters have passed and i have yet to take a single class on campus.

to be completely honest the only reason i am even fever writing this right now is because i had a ice cream blending cold brew from starbucks this evening because i had to get up excruciatingly early for class registration (which i completely failed at) and had three tutoring classes today meaning i didnt have time for my daily afternoon nap so the coffee was the only thing making sure i didnt fall asleep during my last class. I purposely dont drink coffee regularly so that i can use it like a magic potion when i need it and the caffeine hits me like a bus. it has been six hours and i am still wide-eyed i should not have gotten a grande. today was also my first time trying coldbrew so there’s that. i was kinda grateful for the effects because it made sure i was awake for today’s episode of hospital playlist but now i kinda wanna sleep since i didnt get much last night and i would like to make sure i dont miss my class tomorrow morning, i have to get up at at least ten, but here i am typing this.and i think i am just going to keep going.

my family moved recently, and for the time being my entire room is surrounded by bookshelves because my brother’s bed is too big and we cant fix any bookshelves into his room and i am only using a mattress topper thing for the next few months. this is because i finally convinced my mom to let me throw out that horrid bed with the curved head and foot board with the flower decorations that always dug into the back of my head, neck, and back when i was trying to read. so that is the situation in my room until the end of the year when hopefully my brother’s whole situation will be over and we can finally go furniture shopping and switch rooms. (we are also currently living in each other’s room because his permanent room aka my current room cannot fit his fucking gigantic boat bed. actually i really love that bed i wish he was still young enough to use it its so cute.

i find our new neighborhood unsettling. like its probably because i got so attached to our old house that we lived in for nine years but i dont know. the place we moved to is a location that i used to spend some time in when we first moved to korea but i literally havent been here in nine years as mentioned earlier, and i am slowly piecing my memories of the geography as well as blending it with the incredibly limited knowledge i have of the nearby surroundings that i built riding the bus and when i was learning to drive because the school that i went to is kind of near our new place. anyways to get back to the subject this new neighborhood is full of too many happy families with these little kids that run around with their sticky little fingers flailing around. like hello we are still in the middle of a global pandemic i swear to god parents of little kids will go loose their minds when their children get sick yet they let them just run around spreading their disgusting little disease to the rest of us. ugh i hate kids. but thats besides the point the reason i think the new neighborhood feels dystopian is because all of the families, children and the elders too (why are there so many elders like i dont hate them or anything most of them are fine but like where are they all coming from?) look so happy. where are the depressed high schoolers and burnt out college students? my brother and i dont seem to have any friends in this bitch. anyways so the sheer amount of happiness that seems to radiate around me reminds me of books and movies like the giver you know or like the uglies series where you start off in this utopian-esque world until you find out that it is actually fake. its unsettling.

okay now i am kind of tired good night. wait also the public transportation at our new place fucking sucks i know it’s pretty good by regular standards but i am used to subway stations, convenience stores, cafes and bus stops all being 30 seconds away from the entrance of my building. okay the bus stop took more like two minutes but whatever. and buses used to come every five minutes but now i have to walk at least ten minutes to the nearest subway station and the bus stops only have three buses and even those take so fucking long to arrive and they dont even arrive when they say they will they are always late which is why i end up fucking walking twenty minutes to the subway station because that way at least i can guarantee that i am not going to be completely late. unreliable ass buses.

fuck there’s a lot i dont like about my new neighborhood. oh wait we are also far from malls now i have to walk like half an hour to get to the nearest mall when at our old house i only had to walk ten minutes and the mall close to our new house is worse than the old one. this one’s movie theatre isnt even famous. but dont get me wrong i guess there are things i like about our new place like how you can call the elevator from inside the house or how there’s a gym and the fact that i now have ac in my room. i am just being a brat because i really loved our old house. it was perfect. even if i felt as though i was being burned alive during the summers sometimes. i also like my new blinds that let in light in the shape of constellations.

i dont currently have a desk in my room so i dont know what im going to do when school starts again in a few weeks i guess i’ll have to take my lecture on the floor or maybe on the kitchen table idk.

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phipitology · 3 years

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Birthday, continued

An alarming thing that i noticed on my birthday in the past few years is: how i am always depressed on my birthday.

This year i spend d-1 of my birthday swallowing melatonin bcs i just want to sleep the night off. I have wfo shift the next day, and all that i could think of is getting enough sleep.

The next day waking up i felt sad. Not sure if it’s the side effect of melatonin, pms syndrome, or just me being depressed on birthday. I remember helding my tears quite a few time on my way to the office, thinking that lying down in bed-crying would make a superb 22 yo gift.

I remember a day before im turning 20, im heading home with a mongolian girl that i became an acquaintance for being in the same group in class. As we’re walking together, idk why i tell her that the next day would be my birthday. I usually hate to say such thing but I guess the night walk just have its own chemistry.

We stopped by lawson bcs she said she had to buy something- which actually was a slice of roll cake that she bought as an early present. I remembered arriving home eating the cake with tears of joy, because life keeps on surprising me not only with random occurance with the kindest stranger (i forgot her name now sorry:(), but also with the tastiness of konbini products (unexpected, but not surprised. Kudos to japanese konbini).

What struck me the most was I remember she was saying how being 20 would be your shinkansen ride in life- everything would go very fast. And she was right.

On my 21st birthday, I didn’t feel anything much. I was alone and since i was abroad no one really knows my birthday, and ppl back home/in japan was kinda forget about me anyway (even my mom was forget.. hahaha it’s okay mom, birthday doesn’t excite me anyway). I remember i have a morning class that day, probably an hr class. After it ended I can’t let myself just go straight to the apartment, so i decided to wander off to lazienski park. Beforehand, i went to a photo studio to pick up negatives from my fujifilm m1. I remember it was breezy yet sunny winter. I went around the park and even found a peacock there. I felt grounded. Several hours later i found myself panicking bcs my phone battery went out and I don’t know how to get back. Thankfully everything was under control.

That year quickly became a marathon full of unexpected life events for me- and it left me suffocating.

Going back home after finishing my exchange- going to be the last overseas take-off ill ever be in years, getting my first internship ever- and luckily getting the kind of working environment (&benefits) that very much suits me, not being able to go back to Japan despite numerous rescheduling- only to surrender and accepting the fact that I may not be able to go back there for my graduation, getting in my first ever relationship- only to find that it was a one-sided love and we broke up after only two months, mom being dispatched to other cities- a lot of road trip during the pandemic, experience handling digital marketing for Lily’s Kitchen- despite 0 experience of design and being an off-the-grid person, finally getting an internship- only to find that the environment doesn’t suits me and it affect my performance- despite getting in a Japanese company,

And here goes my pity party:

...getting over my first real heartbreak- getting dumped in the front porch- for the second time learning how to let go, swallowing too many hard pills- you name it: insecurity, anxiety, body-image issues borderline bulimic, loneliness, self-harm, brain fog, depression, literally swallowing the hard pills: 5 pills of paracetamol (650mg each) before switching to melatonin, too many times forcing my body into bad situation more than it probably should just bcs i want to get thin - endless nauseaus, dispepsa, tight chest, faint, cutting my friends loose- felt that im no longer appreciated, the housing drama, felt really small for the constant comparison to others.

This couple of years will be the hardest period of my life. I am not sure what i want or where im gonna go. People around me getting through the same boats- but i can only know when they are quicker than me (it kills you, really. Constantly comparing yourself to others withtour having an objective view. You will never know the hurdles they have to put up with).

For now, i want to do anything on my pace. I want to practice meditation and grounding, which i hope i can find contentment within. Im tired of having hopes only to be crushed, this time i am trying to let go and see where the current takes me (oh i wish it’s gonna be this easy)

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lnfinltywar · 6 years

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Get ‘em, Spidey | Peter Parker

based on this text post

17. “I’m not a good person.”

37. “What are you doing here?”

word count: 1.3k

The day was slowly fading as the sun dropped into the horizon. The sounds of the cars honking became louder than they have ever been. It looks pretty; the dawn of night and day. The sorbet skies began to turn dark, into a black. Most of the apartment’s lights have been turned off by now, leaving the tenant to sleep. God, I wish that were me. Instead, I’m sat by my window admiring the world I’m trying to imagine as a better place. The deafening car sounds and yelling from outside couldn’t get any worse. Although, I am ripped from my state of daydreaming because of the doorbell. Who is ever here at ten at night?

I tell my parents that I’ll open it so they won’t have to get up. They’re sat by the television watching some cooking show, fully invested in it. They were yelling earlier at it, something about leaving a pastry in the oven too long.

I reach for the doorknob, too tired to take a peek at who’s outside. I don’t care if it’s a murderer, just kill me and go. My hand twists, the doorknob turning as well. The door creaks open, leaving my heat to ache at the sight in front of me.

Peter Benjamin Parker, crying in Hello Kitty pajamas.

He stood there, his face and eyes both red. It obvious he’s been crying for forever.

“What are you doing here?” I whispered softly, walking out into the hallway with him. We had to make sure to stay quiet, people are sleeping. His hand goes up to wipe away tears. It’s weird, I’ve never seen Peter this vulnerable before. He’s usually the one to comfort me when I’m in my time of need. After all, he is Spider-Man.

Peter struggled to get anything out. A word, a sob, not even a breath. He was having trouble letting these few words escape, “The Stark internship.” Hairs fell on his face as he looked at the ground. “I-I lost it.”

Without hesitation, I took him into a hug. What he did today at the boat was all over the news, this must be the reason why. Iron Man had to come in and clean up what Spider-Man was unsuccessful at doing.

His arms hung loosely around my torso, too weak to do anything. Cries got silenced into my shoulder, tears drowned it as well. When I backed up to take another look at him, he leaned forward in an attempt to continue being close. Glossy tears rubbed along his scarlet cheeks. The browns of his eyes were difficult to see due to the constant crying. The figure of his body seemed very small because of the oversized New York souvenir shirt he was wearing. Very softly, I whispered, “Let’s go inside. You’ll be okay.”

Dropping his head once again, he followed me into the cosy apartment. My parents were still sitting in front of the television, too invested in the cooking show to notice Peter walking in. Sneaking into my bedroom, I closed and locked the door behind us. Right as the door clicked, Peter fell straight into my arms.

“Peter,” a shaky breath emerged out of my mouth. “Please explain what happened.” Leading him to my bed, the two of us sat down, his arms still around me. Fumbling over his words, his chest puffed in and out.

Being Spider-Man has been one of the main things he has been happy about since he had gotten bitten by that radioactive spider. Everything we would talk about would circulate around being a web-slinging hero. Even though sometimes it would be boring to talk about, since he would bring it up in almost every conversation, it was always nice to see him so happy. The way his eyes would light up whenever I compliment him on his crime fighting. The way he would always visit me at midnight so I could clean him up before he went back to Aunt May. Though he was bleeding from the cuts on his chest and cheeks, his smile when I reassured him that he’s doing amazing looked like he wasn’t slowly bleeding out.

Sobbing lightly so my parents couldn’t hear, Peter told me what happened today, “The-The boat.” He rested his head on my shoulder, letting go of my torso. “I couldn’t save them, Tony ha-had to. Hundreds - Oh God - Hundreds of people could’ve died!” Once again, he crashed his face into my shoulder.

“You probably hate me! I could’ve been a murderer!” His arms snaked their way back around my torso, wrapping around me tightly. If he used a bit more force I bet I could choke up my intestines. “I’m not a good person.”

That last part was mumbled so softly, he thought he was the only one to hear. Almost like he was saying what he was thinking out loud, but only loud enough for the owner of the thoughts to understand. That is the most heartbreaking thing. Does he really think that? Because he tried his best and his best wasn’t good enough?

“Shut up.” Gently, tears formed in my eyes. “If you weren’t there in the first place Tony wouldn’t have been there. You helped save those people, don’t listen to Tony!”

Peter lifted his head off my body. Taking a look at me, then staring at the ground, he spoke, “So you don’t want to break up with me?” His brown puppy dog eyes, sprinkled with emotion-filled-tears looked directly into mine.

He must think I’m only with him because he’s Spider-Man. Oh god, he thinks I’m with him because he’s Spider-Man.

”Peter,” I choked up a chuckle. “You really think I’m dating you because you’re Spider-Man?” Wiping the tears from my eyes, I weakly smiled at him. On his face, it wasn’t a look of relaxation, it was more of surprise. Mouth hung open, eyes wide, eyebrows furrowed. He really thought I was with him because he’s Spider-Man.

With his voice low and groggy, he spoke, “I-I thought… You don’t?” He quietly laughed back out of relief. This entire time we were dating, he really thought I was only with him because of his superhero persona. Now, that got me thinking, is that why he would always talk about Spider-Man? Maybe he kept bringing up the red spandex hero because he wanted to remind me that he’s Spider-Man. The hero I would previously crush on was my actual high school crush.

Grasping his hand in mine, the two of us sat silently on my bed, listening to the white noise from outside. That was until Peter decided to speak up. “So when you and Ned found out, you-“

”I cried myself to sleep that night, dude. The boy I was crushing on for a whole year fights crime after school and gets seriously injured. Coincidentally, my crushes were the same person,” I breathed in and out, trying to calm myself down. “Please know that I’m not dating you because you’re Spider-Man. Hell, I wish you weren’t! I don’t want you getting hurt, that’s all.”

This time, it was me who was gripping hard onto Peter. Somehow, I had my arms around his chest, squeezing me close, and I hadn’t even noticed.

”I l-love you...?” He muttered anxiously. With a smile plastered on my face, I released my grip on him, my heartbeat speeding up. That was the first time he said he loved me.

No matter what hero Peter is or isn’t, that isn’t going to change our relationship.

Standing up, he looked questionably at me. As I reached for the doorknob for my closet, Peter became more unclear as to what I was doing. He must have forgotten what he gave me after he came back from the Avengers retreat. Stepping onto my tip-toes, I grabbed the balled up clothes in the back of the top shelf.

Tossing the familiar clothing to the teenage boy, his eyes lit up. A pair of blue pants, a long-sleeved blue shirt, and a red hoodie with a spider drawn on it with a black permanent marker.

“Go get ‘em, Spidey.”

AN: aaaa this is the first story thing im posting on tumblr !!! sorry if its bad !!!

#peter parker fic #peter parker x reader #peter parker #tom holland #spiderman #spiderman homecoming #tom holland x reader

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