#why do i post everything two months after i draw it?
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"I'll hold them off!" (proceeds to just stand around for a few hours and act as a target for Bebop and Rocksteady)
Didn't like the episode, but this moment was cute
#scribbles#my art#I'll reblog this to my art account later#maybe.#tmnt#tmnt 1987#1987 raph#traumatize the funny man#why do i post everything two months after i draw it?
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The Surprise [Higuruma Hiromi]
an: it’s 2am and here I am posting this smut-filled fic because I can’t sleep and I can’t stop thinking about this man. p.s. requests are open for Higuruma specifically so drop me an ask if you wanna give me some ideas for everyone’s favourite lawyer!
pairing: Higuruma Hiromi x female reader
warnings: lingerie, pussy drunk Hiromi (it’s canon don’t fight me), multiple orgasms, unprotected sex (wrap it folks) and other goodies
Masterlist
“Will that be everything for you today?” The cheery assistant asked offering a genuine smile whilst they rang through your purchases and packed them carefully into a neat little box.
Your stomach fluttered with the thought of what might transpire this coming weekend, a long-planned weekend that couldn’t arrive quick enough. The delicate tissue paper wrapped around the items inside the box before the assistant closed it over, tied a ribbon securely and placed it in a paper bag.
“Yes, that’s it. Thank you for your help earlier, I appreciate it!”
With a bounce in your step and a sizeable dent in your bank balance, you exited the boutique store to daydream about your husband’s reaction to your little splurge. Neither of you were accustomed to dropping large sums of money so randomly, both believing that an air of caution and frugality would see you through any potential storms on the horizon, but you had walked past this store so many times and finally been tempted into their den of sinful delights.
Inclusive-sized mannequins displayed a range of differently styled lingerie, from demure bridal wear to raunchy strips of leather and wide mesh that would leave very little to the imagination. At first, you were convinced it would only be window shopping, however, when you spied an elegant-looking black bodysuit that seemed like it would hold all your bits in without compromising the sex appeal element, it was game over.
Once you were interested, the friendly young assistant swooped in and soon you were trying it on in the fancy dressing room. The lighting was complimenting rather than garishly fluorescent, and the lull of soft, sensual music added to the overall experience, one you were rather enjoying. The strapless bodysuit hugged your curves and accentuated your décolletage nicely. Clearly, it was designed by scientists to support your breasts without cumbersome straps, and you silently praised their ingenuity. Paired with crotchless fishnet tights that you could secure beneath the suit—a suggestion from your enthusiastic little helper—you knew that Hiromi would likely lose his mind and you couldn’t wait.
Your poor, overworked and perpetually exhausted husband had been burning the candle at both ends for the past nearly four months, neck deep in a case that if he were to win would be a monumental victory in his career. In support, you packed him off every morning with a full lunch consisting of his favourite foods, mostly to encourage him to actually eat instead of consuming mug after mug of rancid instant coffee. In your evenings, you helped him go over witness testimonies, read over his arguments for clarity, and did everything you could to lighten his load around the house. It wouldn’t be a permanent arrangement, you both knew that, and to say he appreciated your support was an understatement.
That’s why when he told you that it was all drawing to a conclusion and that he was cautiously optimistic it would end in his favour, you revelled in that knowledge. Whether it did come to fruition or not, his weekend would be free, and he promised to spend some real quality time with you without the cloud of looming work. There was nothing more he could do, no more past cases he could study and the thought of basking in his undivided attention warmed your heart and soul.
With two days remaining before your scheduled weekend plans to do absolutely nothing but relax and unwind in each other’s presence, you again peeked at the box you’d tucked into your side of the wardrobe, away from prying eyes. Maybe it was a bout of nerves, a moment of body consciousness, that made you pull your surprise out to examine the contents. Whatever it was, you worried your bottom lip once the intimate outfit was laid out on the bedspread.
“What was I thinking… this is too much,” you quietly scolded yourself.
Flopping beside the expensive scraps of fabric, you brushed a palm down your face and reminded yourself that you looked fucking divine in the changing room of the boutique, so why would it be any different now? More so, you knew deep in your heart that Hiromi adored you and thought you were a goddess, one he claimed he didn’t deserve.
A few moments later, you stood in front of the mirrored wardrobe to scrutinise your reflection. Your eyes narrowed as you tugged the sweetheart cups into place and felt the soft squish of your breast jiggle inside. Turning to the side, a hand ran the length of your torso with a grin unfurling at the tight hug of the sheer-panelled fabric. Damn, your backside looked real good from this angle. But maybe the fishnets were too much, you mused, turning this way and that.
You ran your fingers through your hair, wondering if you should try to style it, maybe give it some more volume and texture. It was at that moment, whilst making kissy faces at your reflection with your hands scrunching handfuls of your hair and up on your tippy toes to extend the length of your legs, that the bedroom door opened, and you froze like a deer in headlights.
~
Higuruma Hiromi was on cloud nine. Not only had he won a career-defining case against all the odds, but the judge had also taken less time to deliberate than anyone expected they would. After a hearty swig of celebratory champagne drank from crappy paper cups with his partner and their secretaries, he was on the first train home to truly celebrate with the only person that mattered—you.
What he didn’t expect to find when he entered the house as stealthily as he could manage was the vision of you standing in the middle of the bedroom looking like one of the pin-up models from the magazines he would hide under his mattress as a young man.
Like a slightly tipsy house cat, he tiptoed his way through the rooms, listening for signs of you and driving straight towards the bedroom to surprise you with his unannounced return. The door bounced open on its hinges and he stood, shell-shocked for a moment before it turned to white-hot appreciation.
You looked beautiful, stunning, breathtaking even. There weren’t enough colourful adjectives for how he felt about you at any given time, but right now, modelling a black bodysuit that hugged both your butt and your breasts, he was entirely dumbstruck. Hiromi didn’t know where to look, or whether you’d rather he look away given your strangled yelp of surprise at his sudden appearance. You made no effort to cover yourself or shove him out the door, no, you both faced one another as if neither of you knew what to do or say.
His eyes continued to betray him, slowly caressing the length of your figure and finding new things to appreciate; the sweetheart cups, the gauzy panels that allowed him glimpses of your skin beneath, and not to mention the fishnet tights. He hadn’t seen you wear anything like those since your dating years, and he had forgotten how much he missed them, or how many he had ruined by ripping through the gusset in his haste.
“What are you doing home?” You glanced at the alarm clock on the bedside table and back to your husband, heat filling your face but something else followed on the tails of your embarrassment, something more pleasant.
Hiromi ran this thumb over his mouth, gaze pointedly fixed on your chest, and you cleared your throat with emphasis until he finally met your eye and the arch of your eyebrow. Already his neck looked red, like a rash had spread from below the collar of his shirt and travelled towards his jaw. If you could describe a person as having hearts for eyes, it would be one Higuruma Hiromi and you adored him for his open adoration.
“We… I won,” he managed weakly, smiling as if coming out of a daze and you blinked for a moment while processing the words.
“You won?”
He chuckled. “I won.”
A wealth of emotions passed over your face until you ended with ecstatic pride, tears near pricking your eyes as you launched yourself into his arms and peppered his cheeks and nose with enough kisses to make him blush more furiously. His hands settled on your hips, his touch more hesitant than you would expect given the circumstances and you pulled back to give him a questioning look.
“What’s wrong? I thought you’d be more excited than this.”
“Darling…” he started, skimming his fingertips up and down your sides before rounding to your full backside and squeezing as he spoke. “What’s this?”
In your joy, you had forgotten that Hiromi had walked in on you wearing the lingerie that was meant to be for this weekend and meant to be a surprise. You guessed it still had been, although not the one you planned. “Oh, just a little something to show my hardworking man that I love and adore him. Nothing much.”
“Nothing much…” he repeated in a disbelieving whisper. A finger ran the length of your spine, from the top of your backside to near the base of your skull, dragging it slowly and watching you shudder beneath his deliberate touch. Your shoulder blades shifted, pushing your chest out further and into his, which earned you a groan of appreciation.
“I wouldn’t call this nothing much. You look like a wet dream come to life.”
He walked you backwards, the scent of champagne hot on his breath and your stomach curled into a mass of twisted anticipation—heavy in the depths of your belly. Your thighs crashed into the edge of the bed and Hiromi used your moment of imbalance to shove you atop, quickly shucking out of his jacket and crawling over you.
“Hiromi,” you squeaked between peals of laughter. The man in question only hummed in response, his hooded eyes heavy with nothing that spoke of fatigue. The whisky colour of his eyes appeared blown almost completely black by the dilation of his pupils, and he licked over his lips in what looked like anticipation of a hearty meal.
That meal was you…
Any protest you might have offered died in your throat when he claimed your mouth like a man possessed. His tongue curled over your teeth, pushing the memory of champagne into the space he dominated and greedily swallowing your answering moan. His forearms bracketed your head, keeping you caged and unable to run from him, not that you had any desire to, not when you could feel the press of his cock thickening against your lower half.
Loosening the knot of his tie with one finger, you took the moment to grab fistfuls of the shirt at his back, tugging the tails out of his trousers and sliding your palms beneath the starched surface to scratch along his spine. Hiromi shuddered, the disconnect of your lips an audible pop that left a web of saliva between you, only breaking with a quick swipe of your pink tongue.
“I don’t even have my make-up or hair done, you beast!” The half-hearted protest fell on deaf ears, or so you thought when his mouth moved to your neck and down to your collarbone, sucking little blooming lovebites on his journey. When he reached the abundant swell of your breasts, he glanced up whilst his tongue pathed across the top of your left breast, dipping into the valley between and then resuming the path over the right.
“You think I need face paint or styled hair to love you more? Fuck, sweetheart… I nearly came in my briefs the minute I opened the door.” The length of his aquiline nose nudged between your breasts, nuzzling the soft mounds like a cat warming by the fire. Carding your fingers through his hair, you wriggled beneath him and let out a breathy sigh, the weight and conviction of his love settling over you in perfect comfort. There would be no more argument from you, and Hiromi won for the second time that day.
With methodical slowness he kissed his way down your body, stopping to lave the sheer panels at either side of your abdomen and forcing you to arch from the warm sensation of his eager tongue. You’d barely managed to get his shirt off his shoulders before he was exploring you like this was his first time with your body. The white button-up hung down his back, sleeves caught by his elbows, and he made no move to strip it off much to your annoyance.
He stopped abruptly when he reached your pelvic mound, chin resting there whilst his fingers trailed the arch of your foot, up the inside of your calf and tickled behind your knee. “Stop that, mister!” You scolded with laughter threatening to bubble out.
“Spread ‘em and I will,” he challenged with a smirk.
The space between your freshly parted thighs became his home, an arm wound around your hip pawing at the fat of your thigh and the line where it met your arse, eliciting shivers that rippled over your skin like a calm lake disturbed by a skimming stone. He fingered the two snaps that kept the bodysuit in place, stroking firmly over your clothed cunt and pushing the barrier deeper until it started to feel sticky from your arousal. Looking all too smug, he freed the snaps with a grunt of satisfaction, sure that his next step would be to rip through the gusset of your raunchy fishnets so he could taste you. That moment never came.
You felt the vibration shudder through your husband, his head falling forward to obscure what you could see of his face, and you rocked your hips back and forth in invitation. The cool air of the room contrasted by the hot fan of his breath on your slit made you clench around a disappointing nothing, frowning at his sudden pause.
For a long moment, there was only silence. When he looked up, his expression nearly stole your breath. Thick black eyebrows pinched together, visible strain around his drooped eyes and a throaty whine made your pussy flutter with need. This was the Hiromi that only came out to play every now and again. The one who would wring you like a wet dish towel for just one more orgasm, one more mouthful of your hot nectar.
“Crotchless, really?” he murmured, dragging a finger across your puffy folds where the thin membrane of the tights should have resided and you nearly jolted upwards to the ceiling, having forgotten that little fact in the heat of the moment.
Cupping his cheek in your palm, you gave a cheeky wink. “Don’t think I’ve forgotten about all the pairs of tights you’ve ruined over the years. These were just a… precaution.” Hiromi groaned, thrusting his face into your pussy without warning. The flat of his tongue ran the length of you, making you perfectly slippery in mere seconds, only for the tip of the wet muscle to fuck into your entrance immediately.
“Oh, fuck… Hiro!”
You yanked great tufts of his hair to no avail; he was lost to eating you out like a man starved. The prominent slope of his nose slid back and forth across your bundle of nerves, and it lit up your insides like the continuous explosion of miniature firecrackers.
Whining from his sudden onslaught, you tried to run by easing up the bed, but your attempts were shot down in flames by sharp insistent tugs of your hips. Hiromi was enthusiastic at the best of times when it came to going down on you, but it was nothing compared to right now. The wet squelching sucks of his lips and tongue flooded the bedroom, only being accompanied by your decadent moans and panting breaths as you tried not to lose your sanity entirely.
Hiromi was lost in you; the scent of your favourite body wash, the taste of your arousal when it trickled from your core mixed with the slight salt of your skin, the plush silk of your thighs beneath his prodding fingertips and the unrestrained noises that caressed his ears.
He almost missed your orgasm so clouded was his mind in the quest to turn you into a puddle of liquid goo for only his consumption. The wave of it crested through the length of your body, vibrating every limb and twitching each nerve ending. Your spine arched from the unmade sheets, the hand coiled tight in Hiromi’s hair spasming and tugging without even meaning to and that’s when he noticed. Without missing a beat, he wrapped his lips around your pulsing clit and sucked it deeper into his mouth.
Stars winked into your vision at being thrust from one orgasm directly into another so violently. Your pussy fluttered ceaselessly, a craving deep in your gut to be filled at all costs, yet right now all you could do was hold on for dear life whilst you bucked and rutted against your husband’s face, wetting it thoroughly. He nosed at your quaking thigh, sharp incisors nipping your yielding flesh until you yelped and tried to close your legs without success.
You became aware of movement, the absence of shoulders beneath your thighs and you blinked to find a desperate predator stripping off his clothes whilst prowling back and forth at the foot of the bed. Hiromi grasped his cock, tugging it down to the base to spread the leaked precum that continued to dribble from his cockhead. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he had already cum, but he was always the excitable type who would leak and leak until you did something about it, usually opting to take him down your throat until he convulsed and spilt everything he had to offer.
Your hand trailed lower down your body, fingers playing in the spit-soaked mess he’d left behind in his hurry to stand and strip. Hiromi whined; head cocked to the side as he watched you play idly with your puffy lips flooded with the surge of blood and circling your pert little pearl. He fucked his fist harder, the other hand rolling his heavy balls until his stomach sucked in and your nostrils flared in warning.
“C’mere mister lawyer, I don’t want you wasting your orgasm when it could be filling me nicely.”
How quickly the tables could turn. One minute he was the predator, pawing and demanding, taking what he wanted without question, and the next he was the prey. Trapped on his back with cheeks a ruddy hue and eyes that begged for clemency. Your much small hand encased his dick, twisting your palm on each upward stroke while you straddled him and rocked yourself against the balls he’d just been palming.
His hands shook with restraint as they reached for your breasts, filling his broad palms and massaging them until you dipped low to claim his lips. You could taste yourself on his tongue, in his mouth and the sensation empowered you, fucking his throbbing cock through your folds until he twitched and whimpered some more.
“Please… fuck. Need to be inside. Might not last. God, you’re so fucking sexy. Don’t deserve you.” Hiromi babbled every syllable, sounding drunk when there was little to no alcohol left in his system.
His fingertips dipped inside the cups of your bodysuit, tweaking at your nipples and you indulged his silent request by allowing him to fold the cups down and let the spill of your tits fill his face. With renewed vigour and enthusiasm, he mouthed at you and ran his tongue in circles around your nipples one at a time.
You keened at the familiar sensation, swept away by a current of pure indulgence when he moved to suckle you. It was the perfect moment to strike, with Hiromi distracted in flicking his tongue over and over, round and round your swollen bud, you guided him to notch at your entrance and slowly sank onto his needy dick. He grunted; his grip tightening on your waist, but he refused to come up for air, continuing to nudge his nose into your breast, lips pulling the nipple taut until he finally released with a gasp.
“Fuck, I love you. I love you more than I can express.”
Hiromi worshipped you with his gaze, eyes full of devotion and unbridled passion whilst you rode him steadily. The sticky pap pap pap of your pelvis meeting his was the soundtrack to your lovemaking, because beneath the sexy lingerie and the ideas you had planned for the weekend, that’s what this was and always would be. You knew he didn’t need the extra faff to love you with his whole heart. You knew that he was aroused by you simply walking through the kitchen in a pair of his boxers.
You knew he loved you for you.
His dappled cheeks darkened further, the furrow of his brow telling of how he was trying to stave off his release, but you wanted him as undone as you had been, and you would not be denied. Leaning forward, your palms found purchase on his shoulders, breasts bouncing freely in time with your hips, and you squeezed around his shaft until the vein in his temple popped and he let out a guttural groan.
Hiromi grabbed around your middle, flipping you up and over so that he could thrust himself into overstimulation without hindrance. Pressing your thighs to your chest, you heard the telltale rip and knew that another pair of tights had fallen victim to Higuruma Hiromi despite your best efforts to keep them safe. His swollen cock pumped thick spurts of his milky cum against your cervix, filling you to the brim yet continuing to sloppily thrust in and out.
“-cum again… gotta—fuckkk. You’re so tight,” he bit through the words, fighting the steady burn of overstimulation to see you orgasm for the third time and you were close. A glob of spit landed against your clit, thick fingers shaking from exertion rubbing the frothy mess into you with insistent motions. He was a man possessed, falling apart for him was as easy as drawing breath and he caught you on your free fall.
You chanted his name in some semblance of a prayer, thrashing and clawing at anything you could reach until you milked him again and he lost the ability to hold himself up. Hiromi fell atop you, his face pressed into the juncture between your neck and shoulder, hot shuddering moans stifled by his mouth on your neck while he weakly tried to bear some of his weight onto an arm.
“Stop squirming, you’re not that heavy, Hiro,” you teased with a light slap against his back.
Once you could both speak without sounding winded, you combed your fingers through his sweat-dampened hair, moving the strands that stuck to his forehead away until you could trace his eyebrows, his jaw, and the bridge of his nose. “Y’know… you ripped my tights—again.”
Hiromi chuckled, rubbing his cheek against your chest. “I did, and I’d do it again. Maybe give them a miss if we do this again, hm?”
“You liked the surprise then?”
“I already told you that I did, not that I needed it. All I ever need is you.”
It was your turn to chuckle, booping the tip of his nose. “Maybe when I show you the receipt, you’ll change your tune.”
“… sweetheart. How much did it cost? Don’t roll away, missy! Answer my question. Hey. Hey! You have to answer the lawyer when they ask a question.”
#delirious writes#higuruma hiromi#higuruma x reader#higuruma smut#jjk higuruma#hiromi x reader#hiromi smut#higuruma hiromi x reader#higuruma hiromi smut#jjk smut#jjk x reader
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Dad Lando has my whole heart 😭😭😭 could you write something of the drivers first time meeting Amelia? Or her fist time in the paddock?.. anything I just love dad Lando and your writing style 🧡
meet & greet l dad!Lando Norris x reader
The existence of baby Amalia Norris, no middle name just like her dad, was a well known secret, but a secret nonetheless.
There were never rumors about you being pregnant, but when the season started, mechanics and staff of every team, tv channel, you name it, started talking about Lando Norris and how he supposedly had a baby with his girlfriend.
Norris? No way, he's still a child himself
There's no way, the girlfriend would have to raise two babies and she looks smarter than that.
McLaren team members, especially those closer to Lando, were often asked about it by other people, but they were warned by the high commands to keep it private until Lando and you wanted to confirm it. Even if Adam Norris was often gushing about his youngest granddaughter and how she smiled just for him.
Max Verstappen once unwired himself after a reporter asked him about it. Carlos once pretended he didn't hear and the next time he just asked for another question.
The closest people on the grid already met her, she was six months old already and was completely used to the presence of uncle Max, uncle Carlos, uncle Oscar and uncle Danny, others had seen Amalia once or twice, but didn't really have the honorary uncle title.
There were so many talks between you and Lando, him being the most reticent to bringing your daughter to the paddock, not only because of the noises and movements, but someone was going to get a picture eventually, her face being everywhere, on stranger’s camera rolls and Instagram accounts.
"Why don't we make an announcement on our terms, then?"
Lando understood your idea, he really did, but he didn't owe anything to anyone. Yes, in the early months of your relationship he'd be posting stories and pictures to his .jpg account, but he never openly talked about you, your name and relationship was one of the few prohibited subjects for reporters and his PR team made sure everyone knew it.
But, this time was different because this was his daughter, and she was too precious, too beautiful for people to just look at her perfectly shaped face, beautifully colored eyes, adorably cute pout, even when she was drooling from giggling too much or sleeping to deeply.
But it was Silverstone, this wasn’t an ordinary occasion or an ordinary race, it was his home race and this time both you and him knew it was the right time to bring her to the paddock, just for the race day and trying to keep her out of the public’s eyes and constant cameras following his every step.
The night before you were searching her closet to find the perfect outfit for the ever changing English weather. Lando was holding Amalia on his arms, giggling along her as she played with the messy curls on top of his head.
“What do you want to wear for your first race, pretty girl?” Lando asked his daughter who just stared at him and enjoyed the rocking motion of his arms.
A white dress with orange daisies seemed like the perfect option, with one of her daddy’s papaya bucket hats made just for her. It was the perfect outfit for what was going to be a very memorable day.
And of course it was.
At first, fans and press were surprised Lando didn’t arrive on the track with his McLaren, instead his dad was driving a black Mercedes, polarized windows that only caught a glimpse of you through the front glass. Lando made sure everything was fine with the credentials before exiting the car, drawing the attention to himself at the same time Adam prepared the baby stroller and you placed Amalia, laughing at Lando’s dad who refused to give you the stroller.
You shyly waved your hand to the people saying your name, greeting some known faces before finally reaching the McLaren garage, where Zak was the first one to reach Adam and carefully lifting the visor and greeting Amalia who instantly recognized him.
She soon started crying, demanding to be picked up and instantly stopping when she noticed people were staring at her in awe, new faces smiling at her and waving, but the biggest smiled appeared when she noticed her papa, wearing a matching hat and taking her from your arms.
That’s how people got to meet baby Amalia Norris, who sported the same mischievous glint on her eyes, and loudly giggled when uncle Carlos arrived to the papaya garage. He was too patient with her, letting the baby play with his fingers, grab his Ferrari hat, wrap her fists on his hair and Carlos just kept talking as if his niece wasn’t tugging on his hair.
It was all a blur when Lando got to the parc fermé, parking on the big number one place, almost falling from the car before jumping into the crowd of papaya mechanics and staff waiting for him, and everyone noticed how his eyes lit up when he saw his dad and you away from the crowd, with his baby girl clapping her hands and letting out the loudest and happiest giggles, especially when Lando took her from your arms and leaving a loud kiss on her cheek before trying to hide her face on his neck and reaching to you, kissing your lips.
He received his trophy, sang his national anthem and ended the day handing his precious camera to Daniel.
It was already dark, most people were leaving as Lando grabbed your waist with one arm, the trophy with another as you held Amalia in your hip, in front of Lando’s winner car.
lando.jpg: silverstone 2024. do I need to say more?
ps: please do not repost pictures of our daughter online, I’m sharing this because it’s one of the best days of my life and wanted to celebrate with my favorite girls (and my car).
#f1 x you#f1 fic#f1 x reader#lando norris fluff#lando norris x oc#lando norris x you#lando norris blurb#lando norris imagine#lando norris x reader#lando norris au#lando norris one shot#dad!lando norris
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Drawing Hornet everyday until Silksong comes out - Day 365!
1 year! One whole year of daily doodles!!
Honestly?? Idk how to feel, so much has happened since I first started this blog.
I guess I’ll just write what I’m thinking right now??
(Everything under the cut, this thing is longer than I expected)
A lot of this text probably isn’t going to make sense. I’m writing this at 1 am. If there’s any mistakes or errors that’s why. I’ll fix them in the morning maybe.
So like. This whole thing kinda started as a joke, I wasn’t intending to actually draw for a year straight lmao. Like I even used a completely different art style from my regular one that was simple, quick and intentionally dumb. Not that I’m upset by it, I’m actually quite proud of myself that I managed to stick to something for an entire year. That’s pretty unusual for me believe it or not. My original intention was to stop at maybe 20 days because I really wasn’t expecting for this blog to get as much love as it did.
So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you so so much to everyone who has followed and supported this silly little idea I had, you guys are the biggest reason my experience has been so positive and worth it. (Sure it’s not original but I hope it’s at least been interesting!)
I’ve said this a few times now but I’ve mentioned wanting to take a break. I’ll admit that even though it’s been fun it’s still pretty tiring to keep up with this blog sometimes since some recent life events have made it so hard. After some thought, I’ve decided that I’ll likely take a break sometime in the coming months. Maybe toward day 400 or so. As of right now, things are at a lull so I’ve been okay enough mentally and physically to keep up this daily streak I think. Though this could change in an instant for whatever reason.
Overall I think my burnout has kind of gone away I think?? Or at least I’ve been reinvigorated recently after replaying a few runs of hk randomizer and steel soul. No promises it’ll stay away but I silly expect it to come in waves.
Ok but call me crazy or delusional or whatever, but my hopes are up that Silksong will release this year. (which means slowing down/not doing daily doodles yay) I genuinely believe big news is coming since I’ve been getting a lot of dreams lately about something happening with Silksong in March. Idk, I could be wrong but after doing this for a year I’m literally clinging onto anything right now lol
I’d obviously still make the occasional doodle or two when HKSS releases but not daily. This stuff is tough to keep up sometimes, I would never do daily posts like this again once it’s over
Oh yeah also I have an actual big drawing I’m still working on, expect that in sometime in the next few weeks I think!
Anyway, I can’t think of anything else to say right now so I guess that’s it for now!
Thanks so much and here’s to more doodles!
#silksongeveryday#ssed#hollow knight#silksong#hk hornet#hollow knight hornet#silksong hornet#hollow knight fanart#hk fanart
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Okay . What about pedro × reader
Hear me out ...
They are dating for a few months but keeping it a secret the reader is also an actress and in her new movie her Co star is into her and with the interviews everyone is talking about in in social media . So pedro gets jealous and show up at her work ... maybe they fight or idk . I'm not sure about the ending
Pairing: Pedro Pascal x Actress!reader
Summary: Pedro’s jealous of one of your co-stars
Warnings: a tiny bit of angst because I didn’t feel like doing a lot, and allusion to smut
A/n: why do yall like jealous Pedro so much!?
Pedro was not a jealous man, he knew you were his, just like he was yours.
He didn't mind the stares you'd attract from other men, he didn't mind the shameless flirting everyone always directed your way, and he didn't even mind having to see you kiss other men on screen... but there's a limit to everything.
He'd stumbled by accident in the comment section of your most recent post, a picture with the cast of the new movie you were shooting, and god if he wished he hadn't.
He meant to write a cute comment, because even though nobody knew about you two, nobody ever seemed to notice the borderline flirty words he'd leave under your pictures, and now he understood why.
He wasn't completely oblivious to the online conspiracies about you and Andrew, you had told him about it, about all the edits and fans and ships or whatever, however, there was a small detail you had forgotten to inform him about: the guy obviously liked you.
And who could blame him right?
Pedro. He could fucking blame him.
It didn't take long before he was furiously stalking his own girlfriend's Instagram.
you look stunning darling
Darling? When the fuck did he start calling you that?
I think I just had a heart attack
Oh, fuck off
And that wasn't even the worst part. Fuck no. The worst part was the fucking videos. the interviews. The way his eyes never left your fucking body. The way he touched your hand and lingered just enough for him to notice. the way he didn't even try to hide his pathetic attempts at flirting even when he knew he was being fucking filmed.
By the time Pedro shut his phone, he was ready to go have a “talk” with this guy
But first, he needed to see you. Now.
__ __ __
"God please if it's Gary tell him that I don't need to practice that scene again, I got it." you rolled your eyes as you instructed your assistant to open the trailer's door after hearing a knock.
"sure thing, but I don't think he can be so easily persuad-" her voice trailed off as she took in the man in front of her.
"Hi" she smiled at Pedro "It's-it's not Gary" she shot you a look.
"what, who is it?" you asked, momentarily forgetting the lipstick in your hand as you got up.
"Pedro?"
"hi sweetheart"
"what are you doing here?" you couldn't hide your confusion.
"Just wanted to see you," he said, entering the trailer.
"Oh," you smiled, before glancing at your assistant "I'm sorry Ana, could you give us a moment?"
"no problem, but remember you need to be on set in '15"
"yes ma'am" You joked, giving her a pretend salute.
She chuckled as she closed the door behind her.
"they have you on a tight schedule huh?" Pedro murmured, wasting no time before wrapping his arms around your back, forcing you flush against him.
"they do" you nodded, standing on your toes "So you're not gonna get what you came all this way for" you taunted, leaving a quick kiss on his lips.
He grunted, unsatisfied, and pulled you back for another kiss. This one much hungrier.
"Is that what you think I only think about?"
"well you don't make much of a case for yourself" you laughed softly.
"that's your fault" he breathed "If you weren't the most stunning woman on earth maybe I wouldn't be so all over you"
"maybe" you shrugged, lazily drawing patterns on his chest "Maybe not"
"I need to talk to you," he said, suddenly more serious.
A cloud of dread dropped onto you.
"oh," you murmured, taking a step back "about what?"
He looked around the place before finding your eyes again.
"I want to tell everyone"
You frowned
"I want to tell people we're together"
You were taken aback.
He was always the one opposed to it. He didn't want you to get caught in all the drama and gossip inevitably heading your way, no matter how many times you told him you didn't care.
"What?" you smiled "Why- I mean why now?"
"I want everyone to know you're mine. And I'm yours" he said " including Andrew"
You shot him a look "Andrew?"
"You didn't tell me he's obsessed with you"
"what? He's not"
"he is baby,"
"how would you even know?"
"I saw it"
"When? You've never met him"
"I saw the comments, and the interviews, and the videos"
"And you think just because in an interview he did what? made me laugh, he likes me?" you scoffed "That's ridiculous Pedro"
"I don't want to tell everyone we're together just because you're jealous of a guy I work with,"
"that's not why I want to tell sweetheart" he reassured you, taking a step towards you " I want everyone to know just how much I love you, that's why. And if that means that guys like Andrew will back off... even better"
"He's not into me" you insisted
A sly smile pulled at his lips "God baby, you really have no idea what you do to men, do you?"
"He's not into me."
"Sure" he mocked "and tell me, when was the last time he didn't do something you asked him?" He asked, moving some hair out of your face.
An almost comical silence spread through the room.
"That's what I thought" he nodded, using his fingers to raise your chin.
"Maybe he's just polite"
He leaned closer, his mouth ghosting yours "Or maybe he's just in love with my girl" he breathed a moment before kissing you deeply, one hand to the back of your neck and one to your ass.
"so what do you say?" he asked once you parted "You ready to tell the world?"
"Only if you are"
"oh you have no idea" he murmured, suddenly picking you up and pinning you against a wall.
A small gasp fled your lips, but he silenced it with a kiss.
"Pedro..." you warned him, tightening your legs' grip on his waist.
"they can wait" he read your mind "You're the start after all"
You couldn't help but laugh at that.
"you're a bad influence" you breathed, causing a smirk to land on his lips as he kissed your neck.
"sweetheart?" he suddenly asked
"Yeah?" you murmured, already out of breath.
"Whose trailer is next to this one?"
You paused a moment, pondering your options.
"Andrew's" you finally spoke, going for the truth “Why?”
By the look of it, that’s exactly what he wanted to hear.
“Baby,I think you know why”
#pedro pascal#pedro pascal x reader#pedro pascal x actress!reader#pedro pascal x fem reader#pedro pascal fic#pedro pascal fluff#pedro pascal x female reader#pedro pascal fanfic#pedro pascal fanfiction#joel miller#the last of us#tlou#the mandalorian#javier peña#pedro pascal x you#pedro pascal x y/n#pedro pascal smut#fluff#daddy pascal#pedro pascal blurb#pedro pascal imagine#pedrohub#Pedro Pascal#jose pedro balmaceda pascal#pedrito#pedro pascal one shot#Jelous!pedro pascal
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tarot ࿏ wm
summary: in which you visit a psychic for a tarot card reading and find that her tricks seem too real.
words: 4.9K
warnings: dark!wanda, fem!reader, non-con/dubcon, tummy riding, scissoring, dildo (r receiving), size kink, use of magic for mind manipulation, dumbification, degradation
this post is a dark!fic and is for 18+ only. minors dni.
masterlist.
The loose rocks of the pavement scuffed under your heel as you mindlessly kicked them with your shoe, taking a long, slow drag from the cigarette. It was cold that night, and the smoke that you exhaled through your lips was dense with the fog from your warm breath.
Nat reached forward and took the cigarette that you were sharing from your fingers. “It’s been months, y/n.” Her leather jacket squeaked as she curled her arm to bring the cigarette to her lips. The air was damp and the music from the bar muffled as Nat leaned against her truck. “I don’t mean to be that friend who just tells you to just get over it and move on, but just get over it and move on.”
Rolling your eyes, you shoved your numb fingers into the pockets of your coat. “I have moved on.”
Nat squinted at you as she turned the cigarette back to you, and you took it, breathing in the smoke she exhaled. “You fled the bar as soon as you saw her across the room.”
You glanced around, hoping that your ex was still inside and nowhere near you. It had been two months since the nasty and dramatic breakup between you and the woman you had been with for over three years. It was sudden and unexpected, and she really gave you no other reason for it besides “I think we should see other people.” You knew that meant she had been or planned to cheat on you, which just made the entire ordeal even more sickening.
“Is it so bad that I don’t want to be around the person who dumped me after three years together? I mean, c’mon, maybe two months is a long time for you but on the time scale of relationships, it’s still very fresh to me.”
“Aha! So you haven’t moved on, like I said,” Nat countered, taking the cigarette right as you were about to take a second draw.
“No, I—I have moved on. I mean, I don’t care about her anymore. It’s not like I still love her. It just hurts seeing her.” You tried to explain it the best you could. You truly did not love her anymore and would never even fantasize or contemplate getting back with her after how crudely she had left you, but seeing her reminded you of all the hurtful words she had said and how she had betrayed your trust so cruelly. It was a reminder that you were heartbroken.
Nat only nodded, looking down at the pavement and crossing her legs. There were a few beats of silence as you stared up at the full moon and she stared at the side of your face. “You know, I would say you should try therapy, but why waste a thousand dollars when you could get a psychic reading for 20 bucks.”
“Huh?” You turned to look at her incredulously. “Why would I do that?”
Nat shrugged and handed you the cigarette. “Maybe to give you some clarity, or the closure that she never gave you. You know I don’t believe in all that holistic spiritual shit, but I do think something like a tarot card reading could help you move forward, even if it’s just by placebo effect.”
“How?”
She shrugged. “I mean, they tell you what you want to hear. It’s fake, you know. They figure out what you’re in there for and they tell you everything they can so that you leave with a smile on your face and their pockets full. Nonetheless, it’s some pretty good bullshit they spew. Better than anything I could tell you, with how shit I am at words.” She kicked at the rocks and chuckled. “It’s either that or going to church.”
You raised your eyebrows and laughed. “Church makes a psychic reading sound like heaven.”
“There’s one in town, you know?” she added, turning and pointing West. “Down at the end of Ellis Avenue.”
“Ellis Avenue?” you echoed. In all the years of your life you had lived in that small town, you’d never heard of that street. “What’s down there?”
“A shit load of nothing. It’s where the town turns into all woods. But I know there’s a tiny psychic shop down there. It’s got a purple sign that says 20 dollars for a tarot card reading.”
“Tarot cards,” you laughed. “Why have I never heard of it?”
“It used to be owned by some lady named Agatha, but there’s a new woman there now that took her place. Wendy, I think she’s called. Wait, no—Wanda! That’s it.”
“Wanda,” you sounded out the name, and you noticed how the wind picked up and caught the word from your lips, whistling it into the air eerily. “That’s a fitting name for a psychic.”
Nat flicked the cigarette to the ground and stomped it out with her boot, rocks crackling under her heel. “You should go tonight. I’m sure it stays open pretty late.”
You glanced back to the bar, knowing that your ex was somewhere still inside. You certainly weren’t going back in there, and Natasha didn’t seem like she was willing to go home yet, so your only other options were to either go home and sleep or go test out this psychic.
“Fine,” you finally said, digging your car keys out of your pockets. “I’ll go check it out.”
Nat hesitated suddenly. “Well, actually it’s a little late. Maybe we can go tomorrow, and I’ll go with you.”
You were already walking to your car. “I’m not getting any sleep tonight after seeing her, anyway. I might as well just go.”
Nat looked around and scratched her head. “Well, just be safe. There really is nothing on that end of town, and I have no idea who this woman is. Keep your phone on you and text me when you get there and when you leave.”
“Okay, mother,” you joked, to which she grinned. You waved her goodbye and got in your car, watching as Nat walked back into the bar.
“Ellis Avenue,” you whispered as you typed the words into the map app on your phone. Nothing came up. “Huh?” You deleted it and typed it again, but still nothing showed. Did Nat get the name wrong?
You glanced out your window in the direction that Nat had pointed. She said it was on the far West end of town, where the woods started. You supposed you could just drive around until you found it—the town was too incredibly small for you to not find it. You imagined that you were so used to the town that you never looked hard enough to notice new things, and that’s why you had never seen the shop before.
Buckling up, you pulled out of the bar and onto the road. You drove West across town, taking a few turns that you knew would lead you to the woods. After a while of seeing nothing, you thought maybe Nat was pranking you, but finally, you saw a dingy street sign that read Ellis Avenue and a tiny little shop with a purple sign that read $20 for tarot card reading above a hand with an eye in the palm.
There were no cars in the parking lot. The place barely looked open if it weren’t for the blinking purple sign. You paused, wondering if this was really safe. It was late at night, and this shop was way out of town, alone and isolated on a road where there were no other shops or houses.
It seemed intriguing, though. As you stopped in the middle of the road and stared at the shop, you felt something pulling you towards it. Maybe it was the universe telling you that this was going to be good for you, that whatever this psychic could tell you would be the key to unlocking your grief and moving forward with your life. Whether it was placebo or not, maybe this would help you be in the same room as your ex without freaking out and fleeing.
Trusting what you believed to be your intuition, you cut your wheel and turned into the gravel driveway, your headlights reflecting off the dark tinted front windows. Shutting off your car, you walked up the crickety front steps to the door. You paused, feeling almost as if you should knock before entering. Considering that it was a public shop, you just helped yourself inside, gently opening the door to be met with the intensely strong smell of incense.
A cough scratched at your throat as you stepped inside and closed the door. The air was smoky from an incense stick burning in the corner and from probably two dozen candles burning all around the room. Your eyebrows sewed together as you looked around curiously.
Everywhere you looked were little trinkets and whatnots—crystals of varying sizes and shapes and colors, tiny bottles of strange colored liquids, little jars filled with herbs and flowers and sealed shut with melted wax, bundles of sage and other herbs and leaves, and other little things that you could not recognize. Whoever this psychic was, she truly put on the act and made her shop part of the show. It would be impossible for someone to walk in and not feel like they were being handled by someone who knew what they were doing in the realm of spirituality.
You jumped when you heard a shifting sound, your eyes flickering to a curtain of beads that separated this room and another. Through the curtain that was parted by a ringed hand came a woman, a young woman with long brown curls and smokey green eyes.
“Hello,” she greeted you with a low, accented voice. “How may I be of service to you tonight?” Her voice was pleasant but careful, and her narrowed eyes looked you up and down as if she were suspicious of you.
“Hi,” you squeaked, knowing how silly you probably looked standing in her room of witchy tools. She wore a black dress with a red scarf wrapped around her arms, her fingers fiddling together as she neared you. “Um, are you Wendy—I mean, Wanda?”
An amused look crossed her eyes. “I am. And you’re y/n.”
Your spine jumped out of your skin. How did she know your name? You looked down at yourself, wondering if maybe your wallet was hanging out and showing your ID, but there was no reason she could have known your name. You chalked it up to it just being a small town and everybody knowing everybody. “Yeah.”
“Sit,” she spoke, gesturing to the table sat in the center of the room with candles lining it. You saw a crimson set of tarot cards sitting perfectly on the tabletop. “You’re here for a tarot card reading.” She simply said it rather than asking it.
“I suppose,” you slowly began, feeling your nerves tingling. You tried to remind yourself that psychics were like magicians. They used tricks you were unaware of to make it look like they can read your mind or have supernatural abilities.
You carefully sat down at the circular table, and once you were sitting, she gracefully sat down opposite from you, letting the red scarf slip off her arms and hang over the seat of her chair. The smell of the incense was almost nauseating as you watched her fingers take the tarot cards and begin shuffling them expertly.
The silence was loud as she eyed you while shuffling. You supposed she was pretending to look hard into your mind, so you just stared back at her.
“It must have been hard seeing your ex at the bar,” she said simply as she started to cut the deck into thirds. Her hands were moving so swiftly you couldn’t keep up with them, only seeing a blur of rings and cards.
Your lips parted in shock. “Um… I know you’re a ‘psychic’ or whatever, but how the hell did you know that?”
She didn’t answer you. She laid the cards into three decks in front of you and then withdrew her hands, leaning back in her seat. You noticed then how quiet and solitary the shop was, how intimate with its low lighting and flickering candles and smoke.
“Draw the top card from each pile,” she instructed, a sultry tone in her voice.
You wanted to press her question further, but you reached forward and took the top card from each pile as she said, laying them face-down on the table in front of you. When you were finished, she slid the remaining piles to the side and flipped over the first card to your left. You were confused when you saw that the card was upside down.
“The Chariot,” she read, her eyes blinking thoughtfully. “Reversed. Your future has been carried away from you.”
You tried not to scoff, but she noticed anyway, sharply eyeing you and pursing her lips. She continued anyway, flipping over the second card which was upright.
“Death.”
Your heart started to pound in your chest, your brain already calculating what that card meant. It was eerie, the way it looked, drawn in a smudgy black and white sketch of a body laying dead on the ground and a horseback knight, assumedly the murderer, jumping high over its victim.
“Your relationship ended abruptly, and you find grief a difficult transition.”
You still did not know how she knew you had been through a breakup, but maybe it was an easy guess for a young girl walking into a psychic shop. A part of you, a very gullible part, started to wonder if maybe she really was a psychic.
Finally, she turned over the last card. Chills pierced your spine as you recognized the Satanic image on the card—Baphomet, a horned man, drawn with an unnerving smile over the words The Devil.
“Ah,” she smiled, her lips curling into a pearly smile that caught your eye. She was a beautiful feigned sorceress, that was for sure. “You’ve been tricked.”
Your face scrunched at her words. “Tricked? How?” You were genuinely curious what she meant, even if you were starting to fall for her illusions.
She paused for a thoughtful moment, fiddling with the rings on her fingers as she stared at the card. “She was judgmental, wasn’t she?”
You held your breath, silently urging her to go on.
“She made you feel ashamed of yourself and manipulated you into thinking you were nothing without her. She even made you feel like you were unworthy of her love, though she suffocated you with it before taking it away abruptly. She tricked you into thinking you could not breathe without her, and then she took away your oxygen. And you didn’t even know it was happening, did you, detka?”
She was staring at you now, her misty eyes gazing into your own. A drowsy feeling overtook you, and you couldn’t keep hold of your thoughts. They were rushing past you, plucked just before you could think them, scrambled out of your reach. You didn’t know it was the crimson glow on her fingertips under the table giving you this blank and dazed feeling.
“I…” you trailed, your head starting to pound. “How did you…”
“I am a psychic,” she spoke, and her voice started to sound far away from you, though she was sitting just across the small table. “Says it on the door. You knew it before you came in.”
Tilting your head, you squinted at her, your mouth forming words that your brain would not let your tongue speak. Suddenly, you felt like you had forgotten completely how to speak.
It was then that every candle in the room except for the few on the table were snuffed suddenly by a gushing wind that tickled your hair across your cheek. In the dark, under the glow of the table’s remaining candles, you saw a scarlet light in her eyes.
“You… you’re…”
“I am everything you think I am and more,” she interrupted you. “And you are more than you think.” She leaned forward, bringing her hand out of the table. You watched as she twisted and curled her fingers around in the air, sparkly red magic dancing between them as she scrambled your brain with a tilted head and a curious stare.
Suddenly, flashing memories of your ex passed through your mind. The fights, the arguments, the words you had pushed down and forgotten about under your ex’s manipulative gaslighting.
Wanda spoke, “She made you think the relationship was perfect so you would stay with her for as long as she wanted you, and so that when she didn’t want you anymore, she got to have the upper hand while you suffered. Evil little cunt.”
“That’s not true—”
“I’m seeing it right here, detka.” She twisted her fingers, and the moments were clear in your mind. Your head started to feel fuzzy, your vision dim as you gripped the table, losing all sense of balance like you might fall right out of the chair. “How could someone treat a perfect little kitten like that? Take you for granted so, and leave you out on the road like a discarded dog.”
Now your heart was starting to hurt as much as your head, and before you realized it, you were crying. The smell of incense was burning hard through your nostrils as the witch picked her way through your brain and scrambled the rest. She was surprised at how easy it was to get in your head from the moment you had walked through the front door. She heard your thoughts before she even stepped in the room and looked at you. Now, seeing how easily a non-magical human had broken you down, she gleamed at the thought of how easy it would be for her and her powers to dumb you down even further.
“Stand up.”
Control over your own body was way past you. You moved at her words, standing sharply to your feet. She grinned in satisfaction and stood slowly, walking towards the curtain of beads she had first came through. She didn’t even have to speak or move her fingers for you to follow, floating mindlessly after her through the long strings of beads into the next room.
The back room was small, a sort of bedroom with a crimson velvet bed and a few pieces of furniture. More candles were lit back there, and the smell of incense was even stronger.
“Take off your clothes, detka, and lay down.”
Your body submitted to her voice. Mind far from matter, you peeled your own clothes away until you were bare naked and laid down on the bed, feeling the velvety red sheets on your nude skin.
Wanda sauntered towards the end of the bed, feasting upon your nudity with her darkened orbs. Her hands sinking into the mattress, she crawled on all fours onto the bed and towards you. You couldn’t describe what it was you were feeling. The state of your mind was both entranced and clear, sunk deep into murky waters while also soaring high in the clouds. It felt like static buzzing within and around you, and between blimps of momentary unconsciousness you suddenly saw that Wanda was now straddling you, her short black dress resting high on her thighs. You could feel her bare pussy resting on your lower stomach, her hands gliding across your upper abdomen.
“The most perfect thing to have fallen in my hands,” she whispered, her hands snaking over your tits and squeezing them eagerly. A whine escaped your throat, and she looked surprised to see that you were still present. “Still with me, detka? Let’s have a little fun before you go. I like playing with my new toys right out of the package.”
Her magic infiltrating your conscience was hot and feverish like fire, like bits of ember and ash sizzling away at the mass of your cognizance. It trickled down through your skull like lava and burned the inside of your throat. What piece of you was still there tried to file through which exact moment it was that she caught you—as soon as you walked in? When you inhaled the strong incense? Or was it when you sat at the table? Or when you touched the cards? Was it the very moment when you stopped your car in the middle of the road and stared at the blinking purple sign? Could it possibly be the very moment that you looked up at the full moon outside the bar as Nat told you about this place? Which moment was it that she found her way inside your head and stapled the roots of her magic to your mind?
It felt like you were lucid dreaming as the witch’s hands scoured your body, groping at your tits, squeezing the soft flesh of your waist, tickling over your collarbones and neck. You felt pressure on your lower tummy and saw that she was grinding her bare cunt against you, her wetness sliding easily over your skin.
“Silly puppy,” she taunted with a sharp laugh, her hands fondling your breasts as she undulated her hips against you, skirt catching on your waist. Your skin was growing sweaty under her fingers as her magic coursed through your blood like a venomous infection. “A witch doesn’t reveal her tricks, does she?”
Her eyes fluttered closed as she let out a soft moan, grinding harder on your stomach as she pinched and tugged harshly at your nipples. Your body reacted with a small gasp and a jolt through your muscles, and she smiled.
Lifting up, she backed herself between your legs and then spread them open wide at an angle, casting one leg over yours. Your breathing picked up as she pressed her clit against yours, grinding her cunt into you.
“Fuck, puppy,” she moaned, throwing her head back as dirty squelching noises filled the room. You were wetter than you had realized, and it was evident by the feeling of both yours and Wanda’s juices mixing together. She pushed your hips upward so that she was at a better angle, halfway folding your body as she used your pussy to get herself off. A drop of your mixed wetness started to slide down your tummy, running over the spot that was still wet from when she had grinded herself there.
“You don’t have to worry about a thing, detka,” she grunted, her eyebrows sewing together as the bed started to squeak with her motions. “You just be a good toy and let me use you, and I’ll take care of everything. You won’t have to worry about your ex anymore, or your job, or your friends, or even your life. It’s in my hands now.”
Her feelings of pleasure allowed her focus to slip momentarily, and you took the opportunity to string together words of your own will, still struggling to speak. “P-Please,” you said coarsely, looking at her with pleading eyes. She knew exactly what you meant, because she was inside you with her own mind in yours, and she could feel that coil of pressure in your belly, and you could feel hers, too.
She grinned, grinding her clit harder against yours, reaching up to pinch at your nipples. Your body squirmed, teeth piercing into your own lip as a moan escaped your throat, heavenly pleasure washing over you in an orgasm like a warm ocean wave. Wanda moaned and her hips stuttered as she came, her hand that was holding your leg up squeezing your flesh painfully.
She panted as she came down, and you thought maybe that would satisfy her and she would let you go, but now she was crawling down between your open legs and shoving her face between them.
“Ah!” you whined as her tongue lapped over your throbbing clit, slipping down to push deep inside you and tasting you there. Your body reacted outside of your control, trying to jerk away.
“Be still,” she ordered in a whisper, and your body commanded like a machine, stilling as she continued lapping at your sensitive clit. She suckled and pulled away to spit right on your slit before returning her mouth to you again.
“W-Wanda,” you mouthed, hands squeezing at the sheets as another coil of pressure sprung within your belly. It tightened and tightened as she devoured you, and before you knew it, you were blinded with another orgasm, eyes squeezing shut and mouth falling open as you cried out.
Coming back up, she licked her lips and moaned at your taste, wiping your remnants from her mouth and spreading it over your belly. Your legs were trembling now, clit throbbing painfully, but by the look in her eyes, she was not done.
“You saw all my toys in there,” she spoke as she leaned over you to reach to the nighstand beside the bed, one of her necklaces tickling your nose in a cool metal graze. “But I keep some in here for special pets like you.”
Dumbed down, you didn’t know what she meant until, after hearing her open a drawer and rummage around, she kneeled back down between your legs, holding an uncomfortably large dildo in her hands.
You had the urge to jump off the bed and run away, but her magic had been keeping you pinned to the bed this whole time. You watched with wide eyes as she spit on the dildo and smeared her saliva around it, lowering herself down between your legs again and running the tip of the toy through your folds. Jolts of electricity went through you at the touch on your overstimulated pussy, your voice strings cracking together to sound out a pathetic whine.
“If you’re going to be a good toy, you will take whatever I give you,” she whispered, eyes concentrated on your bright red clit and the way your wet folds moved around the dildo as she teased it through them. “Be a good pet.”
She pushed the tip into your entrance, and for a moment, pleasure coursed through you, but as she pushed it in further and your hole ached to stretch around its girth, you cried out, “T-too b…big.”
“Take it, my dirty slut,” she husked, grabbing your thigh and jerking your legs open wider. Sharp pain filled you as she stuffed your pussy full of the dildo, sinking it all the way inside until the hilt touched your skin, and the tip of it was braced against your cervix. Your mouth fell open at how full you felt, how deep it was, at how much your walls ached and throbbed around it. “That’s it,” she praised, “That’s so good, detka.”
She eased it out, earning a hiss from you, and then forced it back in, doing this slowly until the resistance eased and she started to thrust it harshly into you.
“Look at you, taking the whole thing,” she spoke as she grabbed your knees with her free hand and bent them against your stomach so she could fuck you deeper. Using her magic to keep your knees bent, she placed her free hand on your clit and started to rub it hard.
“No!” you exclaimed, your clit hurting from the contact that it was ultra-sensitive to. You tried to squirm, but you couldn’t, and the dildo was hammering hard into you and poking through the skin of your lower tummy and making your legs turn to jelly. “W-Wanda,” you cried, feeling hot tears run down your cheeks.
She smirked at you, feasting on the sight of you crying and begging her to stop, wanting to squirm away from the overstimulation. She was trying to break you down even more, dwindle and dumb you down into a messy puddle of nothing, and she was doing a great job of that.
Squelching noises filled the air as she pivoted the dildo into your hole at a rough speed with one hand and rubbed hard at your clit with the other, pausing only to spit on your rubbed raw clit before rubbing it again.
“W-w-w…” You tried to speak, but your mind was so scrambled, and you were in so deep under her spell and her cruel administrations to your body that you couldn’t do anything but scream as two orgasms violently crashed over you one right after the other. You didn’t even notice that you squirted upon the second one, shooting the warm liquid right upon the skin of Wanda’s chest where her dress did not cover.
She twisted the dildo inside you as you came, urging more liquid out of you until finally there was no more, and you were on the brink of blacking out. Finally, she pulled the dildo out of you and put it away, putting your legs back down on the bed and climbing off you.
Your core ached and throbbed as more tears slid down your cheeks, your legs violently trembling. Wanda rounded the bed to place a hand over your forehead. Through teary vision, you took one last glimpse of her.
“You will be my best toy,” she whispered, a dimple forming in her cheek as she smiled before whispering, “Sleep.”
#wanda maximoff x reader#dark!wanda#dark!wanda maximoff#dark!fic#marvel#lgbt#lesbian#scarlet witch#wanda maximoff#wanda maximoff x fem!reader
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Nagizuru au creatures ~ probably their most normal drawings ever.
🩶
Today marks one year since I made my first Nagizuru post. I never thought I would love this beast so much. Thank you all so much for enjoying this au!
Here you have a small lighthearted fic written by @draconicsparkle as a gift. It's not connected to the original story, just them celebrating a regular birthday. They spoil them too much! ⬇️⬇️
How long had it been since then? So long. Both the creation date and their escapes. But in a strange way, Hajime was glad they had experienced all those hardships and difficult times. For without them, the two of them wouldn’t appreciate the bliss they were living in nearly as much.
Hajime thought this as his one working eye stared out the window in the small kitchen. The garden was visible from here, where all kinds of flowers and plants were growing. Gardening was one of Izuru’s many talents, after all. It would be odd if it wasn’t growing splendidly.
A small smile grew as he recalled the many hours they had spent sitting in the gazebo they had built in the middle of the garden, sandwiches and lemonade in hand while the butterflies and bees flew by.
But today wouldn’t be spent in the garden. No, Hajime had other plans. Hence why he was in the kitchen earlier in the morning. Izuru was still in their bedroom, sleeping away without sedatives. He wouldn’t dare wake him up, even now when they were far away from the Lighthouse’s rubble.
He bent down to check the oven’s window, pleased to see the cake sheets baking nicely. He grabbed an oven mitt and pulled the pans out, sliding them on the cooling rack. They were the perfect shade and smelled amazing. While they cooled, the brunette got busy preparing the whipped cream and cutting the strawberries he had picked yesterday. He focused hard on his task, not stopping until his creation was fully constructed. A beautiful and practically flawless strawberry shortcake. He almost felt bad for cutting into it and pulling a slice out to place on the plate. But he was far more eager to see the reaction, so he didn’t mourn the perfection.
After gathering a fork and a glass of milk, he placed everything on a tray and carefully picked it up. His months of practice came in handy, as the tray remained balanced the whole way to the bedroom. Using a shoulder, he bumped the door open so his hands didn’t leave the tray. Soon enough, he was placing the tray down on the nightstand. By this point, he knew the Ultimate Hope was awake now. “Good morning. Was your sleep restful?”
The red eyes gazed up at him, still mysterious and cryptic, though not nearly as hard anymore. Being free of pain and drugs was most likely the reason. “I can confirm that it was. The aroma of your creation coaxed me back to consciousness. Not that I mind this pleasant method of awakening.”
“I’m glad you think so, si-” Hajime paused, laughing in embarrassment. “I mean Izuru.”
The white-haired man smirked up at him. “Slip of the tongue?”
Hajime scratched his cheek, right under his silk eye cover. “Old habits die hard, I guess.”
“But they are getting to be fewer and less frequent,” Izuru observed. He sat up, the large shirt he was wearing slipping off a shoulder. “Can you hand me a hair tie, my dear caretaker?” he requested once he had risen into a comfortable position.
The brunette was quick to do so, though he did it with a grin. “That was on purpose. You’re teasing me, aren’t you?”
Izuru’s smirk didn’t diminish, even as he began gathering his long hair and weaving the hair tie around the locks. “Observant as always, my dear. Just one of the many traits I adore about you.”
Hajime felt his cheeks redden. He still wasn’t able to hide his reactions to Izuru’s words of affection. “I-I do my best.”
“That you do.” Izuru finished making his ponytail, letting it rest against his back. He then reached forward, tugging on Hajime’s arms. The strength of the tugs had been unexpectedly strong and Hajime found himself falling onto the bed alongside Izuru with a yelp.
“Much better,” Izuru stated as he hugged Hajime to his chest. “Wouldn’t you agree?”
The brunette wiggled only slightly to get more comfortable. “But… don’t you want your cake?”
“In a few moments. Let me indulge myself on this first,” was the reply. A pleased hum followed, along with some shoulder rubs that felt amazing. “Another day of tranquility. One that we earned for our perseverance through the blood and pain. The torture those foolish scientists inflicted while playing God. But I suppose it would be best to not dwell upon such horrid memories. It is beneficial to move on and build oneself back up stronger than before.”
The caretaker chuckled. “That the Ultimate Therapist at work? Putting in overtime, for sure.”
“Perhaps. But I will utilize my abilities for our sakes and lives. And I’m sure you are well aware of this.” One of Izuru’s hands migrated up to his hair, scratching his scalp and conjuring happy noises from the receiver.
“What did I do to deserve this? So nice,” Hajime muttered, relaxing into the comforting touches.
“If you would like reasons, I can compile a list. But be aware that it is a long one. It would take some time to read them all,” Izuru replied with his eternal smile.
“I appreciate the offer, but I think I’ll decline. You know how I am with rapid fire compliments.” The brunette relaxed under the ministrations, enjoying every second.
“Oh, I do have something to retrieve. Remain here in bed, okay?” Izuru withdrew and extracted himself from the bed covers, standing up and walking over to his closet. Hajime watched in confusion, especially as the pale man pulled out a giant crocheted blanket with a mandala design. “You are always making things for me, so I figured I could return the favor. It was surprisingly easy to keep my work on this little project secret from you. Though, I am certainly not complaining,” Izuru commented as he brought the blanket over, laying it over Hajime and tucking him in. “The pattern is a representation of our spiritual and physical journey through our lives. That we found our fulfillment after our struggles. Quite fitting, wouldn’t you agree?”
Hajime’s eyes, both functional and broken, widened at the colorful blanket now around him. He ran a hand over the design, admiring the nice material and the quality of the gift. “I… I don’t know what to say… This is…”
Izuru sat next to him, sliding under the blanket next to him. “I already know, so don’t fret. Nothing needs to be expressed.” He leaned over to the nightstand and grabbed the plate and fork. “Now then, how about we try your splendid creation?” The full strawberry on top was speared with the fork and was raised to their faces. “I’ll give you the honor of taking the decoration. You won’t refuse, will you?”
Hajime’s breath was shaky as he nodded. “You know that I would never refuse anything from you. Neither back then, nor now.”
“Excellent. Though there is one condition to get this. You will have to take it from me.” Izuru placed the lower half of the strawberry into his mouth, the thicker half sticking out. And the mischievous look in those ruby red eyes implied exactly what Izuru was insinuating.
Hajime’s face turned as red as the berry. They were about to do this, weren’t they? But he couldn’t go back on his promise, so he swallowed his nerves. He leaned forward and locked lips with the other, the kiss tasting like the sweet fruit. It lasted for several moments, neither of them eager to break it. Eventually, they did separate, the strawberry now in Hajime’s mouth. He focused on chewing to buy himself time to calm down from the rush of emotions. Though this was easily seen by the Ultimate Analyst, if the smirk was anything to go off of.
“Now, I shall taste test your work. Though I don’t doubt it will be fantastic. Thank you for the treat,” the Ultimate Hope said as he cut into the cake and took a delicate bite. “A nice way to wake up and start the day. And here’s to many more in our future.”
Hajime snuggled under the beautiful blanket a little more, resting his head on Izuru’s shoulder. Finally comfortable with initiating close contact after all this time. “Yes. I hope and wish for that, too.”
#nagizuru au#lighthouse au#danganronpa#nagito komaeda#danganronpa art#sdr2#danganronpa fanart#hajime hinata#komahina#nagito#nagizuru#danganronpa au#izuru!nagito#servant!hajime
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The Monster’s Gone
: ̗̀➛ Percy Jackson x platonic! child of Poseidon! reader
: ̗̀➛ in which big brother Percy saves the day
: ̗̀➛ oh gods, folks. here it is! my first piece of writing posted to tumblr. i have absolutely zero clue about what it is that i’m doing, but here we go!
: ̗̀➛ WARNINGS: bad writing (probably), allusions to angst. i don’t think anything else? lmk if i missed anything 🫶
percy adores being a big brother. someone that only he gets to pick on? that’s a bonus, yea, but the real reason he loves it? watching his little siblings grow up and experience the things their lives would offer.
with tyson, percy was his friend before he was his brother, but he still helps him to understand the world above the sea when applicable. tyson is like an overgrown puppy, a comparison that many people, including sally jackson herself, have pointed out.
and then of course, there’s sweet little estelle, who has her whole life ahead of her that percy just cannot wait to be a part of.
but then comes the outlier. you. don’t get him wrong! he loves you as much as he does all of his siblings. but you’re so traumatized that he just… doesn’t know what to do with you?
when he got to camp for the summer, excited and eager for a killer two and a half months with his girlfriend and his best friends, he was taken aback. normally, himself and tyson were the only two to be in poseidons cabin. yet there you were, a small 11 year old wringing their hands together in cabin 3.
percy had looked at you, eyes wide and full of confusion. “annabeth.” he murmured to the pretty blonde who stood beside him.
“yes, percy?” she responded carefully, seemingly already knowing what he was going to say next.
percy turned to his girlfriend, his face twisted with conflicting emotions. “why is there a child in my cabin and where did they come from?”
and thus begins the summer of percy jackson awkwardly tiptoeing around his new sibling. annabeth had explained to him that the poor kid was chucked into the foster system at a young age, forced to be exposed to more horrors than he would’ve liked for a sibling of his. but with those horrors, came a small issue.
how was he meant to get to know you if you were scared of your own shadow from the trauma you experienced? he knows firsthand just how terrifying this world can get. hades, he fought the chimera when he was just a year older than you and would’ve died if it weren’t for poseidon himself!
it isn’t all bad though. percy knows a handful of things about you. he knows that you like the beach (which, hey, so does he!), he knows that you like spicy food, reading, drawing, and he knows that you’ll probably shit bricks when you inevitably encounter your first monster.
the poor boy has this innate desire to protect you in the way you’ve never been protected before, but he’s so afraid to make you upset or uncomfortable. he’s stuck at a crossroads. so, what does he do?
wallows in his own mind because adhd is a bitch! eventually, despite his whining and complaining at the idea of hurting you, annabeth and grover manage to talk some sense into him.
“guys, i- i don’t know. they’re so young and so scared of everything. how would i even-“
“percy!” grover cuts him off, his eyes narrowing at his best friend. “think of it from y/n’s perspective. they show up after getting exposed to a world they are actually so scared of, and the only thing that makes them feel better is the promise of a big brother.”
percy sits in silence, his ears burning red with shame. annabeth puts her hand on his arm softly with a kinder approach. “just go talk to them. i promise they won’t bite you.” she reassures him. ever the daughter of wisdom, that one.
percy nods and stands up, intent on finding his new sibling, wanting to put them at ease, even just a little bit. he sets off, initially heading towards the beach.
when he arrives, his lips tug down into a frown. despite the beautiful scenery of camp, especially the view from the beach, you aren’t here. he peers through the pretty, looming trees, trying to catch a glimpse of you. his frown only deepens at the sight of your book bag, but no you. “y/n?” he calls out, his voice laced with fear.
when he gets no response, he scoops up your bag and carries it with him towards cabin 3, figuring you just forgot it like the absent minded kid he hopes you are. except, you aren’t in the cabin either. now he’s starting to worry.
he puts your bag down on your bed neatly before rushing back out. he double checks the beach— nothing. he checks the dining pavilion— also nothing. he looks around the arena, the climbing wall, the archery range, even stopping into the infirmary to see if you’re laying there injured and no one thought to tell him. but he turns pale as a sheet when will solace tells him he hasn’t seen you.
percy runs into the forest, uncapping Riptide as he leaps over a fallen log. of course, you probably just wandered off by accident. after all, why would you leave your book bag at the beach?
a scream that sounds heartbreakingly like you echoes from further in the woods and instantly he heads in that direction. didn’t anyone tell you that the woods are full of monsters?!
he breaks through the trees, slashing his sword clean through a hellhound as it lunges towards you. after a terrifying few moments alone while he secures your safety, percy takes you into his arms.
the hug is tight, protective, full of warmth and love, fear and panic. “shh, i’ve got you…” he whispered in your ear, trying to soothe your fearful blubbering. “the monster’s gone. he’s on the run, and your big brother is here.” he reassures you, pressing a soft kiss to the side of your head.
he doesn’t care about the tears that soak his shirt, or even the snot that does the same thing. all he cares about is that you are safe and not injured. he pulls back from the tight hug briefly. “hey, kiddo. you hurt anywhere?” he whispers, his voice strained and fragile.
“n-no. ‘m okay…” you stammer out, your own voice matching his. he kisses your head again, breathing out a sigh of relief. “thank you, percy…” you whisper quietly in his ear. you can’t do much besides whisper at this point, and who is he to judge?
percy squeezes you tighter, his body shaking from the fear of you being hurt “always, kiddo. i’m always gonna be there when you need me. rain or shine, day or night. i’m your big brother. that’s my job.”
soooooo…? gimmie your thoughts, pls!! bare in mind that i’m scared shitless of constructive criticism tho 😭🤚
i’m not the greatest at writing fanfiction but i’m really eager to learn more. your feedback is much appreciated 🫶
#ೃ⁀➷ wrens ramblings#ೃ⁀➷ wrens tidbits#ೃ⁀➷ wrens writings#percy jackson#percy jackon and the olympians#percy jackson x reader#percy series#percy pjo
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BOUNDARIES 101; WHAT ARE THEY, WHY YOU SHOULD HAVE THEM AND HOW TO HAVE THEM
A boundary is the line of discontinuity where the rest of the world stops and you begin, simply put. It's the line that says: past this point, you don't matter, I do. That's that. In this way we can classify a boundary as a definition of who you are/ self.
A boundary is more 'yes' than it is 'no' . We easily express the no ( don't talk to me that way) but at the root of it is the yes desire (talk to me with respect). Boundaries are more about desire than restriction. They're more of expressions of the self than a restriction of the other. Stay with me here, I'll get to that point real soon.
Contrary to popular belief, a boundary is not verbal. It's energetic. This is the one point I want you to walk away with from this entire post. You can miss the rest but this. This. One. Here. You do NOT verbally express a boundary, you energetically draw it. This is the takeaway here babe. This right here.
Let me put it this way: you can not tell someone what they can or can not do. Why? Because this is an infringement of free will and NOTHING. Absolutely NOTHING in this planet will cause you to face more resistance and friction than telling a free being what restrictions it must face. You're not being 'strong and powerful' when you tell someone to not speak to you that way you're causing friction and opening the door to a lot more disrespect than there once was.
Take this scenario. That guy at your office that was better off unborn. Every time he opens his mouth you burn with pity for that one poor lady that really spent nine months creating this thing. That Mr Red pill, you know? Youre in a meeting and you say something intelligent that reminds him hes actually dumb so he says something like 'hey sweetheart can you make me a cup of coffee?' With a smirk. The rest of the office laughs, it's just funny you know? Two ways this could go.
1. You tell him it's not funny. "Hey listen Chad that's misogynistic as fuc don't talk to me like that" so Chad raises his hands in mock surrender and goes "whoaaaa I didn't meannanything by it, just a joke. Man, these raging feminists, not everything is misogyny Sarah learn to take a joke, Christ". Now the meeting is ruined for you. You go into an argument that gets shut down in favor of the meeting. Walking out there's two groups of people, on your side and on his side, and now that you've marked a target on your back you know for a fact you'll be the recipient of microaggressions and snide remarks, suddenly work feels so so heavy.
2. You look him straight in the eye and keep talking. You completely ignore that remark and move on. He makes one more move and you ignore him completely, moving on. It's like he doesn't even exist. After the meeting he runs after you to try and act apologetic but you know it's a drama trap, so you stop and turn to him. He's talking but you're staring at his forehead. Then neck. Then shirt. And I mean with absolutely no emotion, no disdain, no approval, just blank staring. He's still talking, you look at his shoes, back to his forehead. He's still going on and you say "work to do" and go back to your desk. That's the last time you speak to him unless you have to, and when you do have to it's three sentence words, straight unwavering eye contact, NEVER forget to stare at that forehead (manipulation 101 beechez) and tilt your head. When your eyes meet glaze your sight like you couldn't be bothered. Before He's done you walk out or move to the next person. You give him no second you dont have to, whatever silly rumors he starts you shrug off, you talk to him with your back up straight and no facial express, like he's nothing (because I mean. He's nothing)
Which one of those two do you think works.
You. Can . Not. Tell a person what they can or cannot do. Back when I thought I had boundaries and I'd tell every Mary and John what they can and can not do to me all I met was "oh my gooooddddd wow you're so conceited if you think I put all that energy into disrespecting you oh my goooood it's not that deep ohmigauuuud girl get over it oh my God so I'm the bad guy now wuh wuh wuh" and walked out of those conversations with more friction and resistance than solutions feeling guilty as hell and even lost some valuable people. You. Just. Can't. You'll shoot yourself in the foot.
So how do we express our boundaries ladies? Energetically. When you decide for yourself no one should come to your house unannounced don't even open the door. My mother does this. She'll be inside just chilling and after you call she'll answer "you should have said you're coming! I wasn't expecting a visitor today so I was busy!" And that's all you get. No apology. No rescheduling. Next time. Call. [Queeeen behavior].
Boundaries have more to do with what you will do than what the other person can and can not do. Once more you can't tell a person what to do, so your boundary is your "if....then" plan. If someone speaks to me in a way I don't like that's the last time I speak to them unless I have to until an apology is delivered and they earn me back. If my bf doesn't call or speak to me all day I'm not speaking to or calling him until there's a bunch of flowers, poetry and restaurant reservation for an apology and an actual apology and it's two strikes and I'm out. If my parents do not respect my choices they don't get to be a part of said choices, the good or bad or in between. If my friends gossip about someone else they lose access to my personal information or life because once a gossip always a gossip. If. . . Then. A boundary without attached consequence is a joke.
If you don't know what boundaries to set there are three ways you can go about it.
1. Visualize the woman you're hoping to become. Who is she. What are her ways. What boundaries do you think she has?
2. Discomfort and pain. Most boundaries are inborn. Since we are born with the 'self' it comes with its own definition/ lines and if there was no socializing process we would still have them but for the sake of fitting in our social groups a lot of us had to give them up (I'm looning at you people pleasers) . If you have lost touch with yours listen to your Discomfort. What's on the other side of that is your desire and the line between is your boundary. Eg; you don't like how that man was looking at you. You have a boundary against sexualization. Okay, the next time someone sexualizes you, what's the consequence they face?
3. Off your head what boundaries do you want. The problem with this method is we express our trauma more than boundaries. I was hurt by someone in this way so this is my boundary. Being that a boundary is an expression of the self to base it on your pain is a betrayal to the self, but until you get back in touch with your self this works. Off head. What do you want.
The reason we have boundaries is to safeguard ourselves , or, our SELF from corrosion, dilution and diffusion. If you're in a constant state of fear, pain, anxiety, fight or flight you need more boundaries, your SELF is in jeopardy and given that life is literally structured about your SELF do I need to explain why it must be protected at all costs? Negative emotion is a good indicator of a boundary crossed. Those things that hurt your soul, those. Keep them OUT of your lines.
You have to train the people around you to respect your boundaries by a shift in your energy that they FEEL and they have to jump through hoops, go above and beyond to get back into your good graces or lose you for life. You must be willing to upset and lose people in safeguard of your best interests, and if the person is irreplaceable even just temporarily eg your boss, you must shift your energy subtly enough that they feel it but softly enough that you have enough time to plan a soft exit without getting fired.
Telling people what to do will bite you later, don't bother. You train people with reward and punishment in the way you regulate your energy, like one trains a dog. Good thing? Neutral and normal. Bad thing? Worship me or die.
Reminder nothing on the face of this planet, in heaven above or hell below or galaxy around is worth betraying your SELF for and keeping up with bullshit is the loudest expression of a lack mindset that says "I'll take what I have because I don't think there is better for me out there", and people can sense this and then you are, in layman's language, royally fucked.
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Creator Spotlight: @loish
Lois is a digital artist who divides her time between creating personal art and character design work. She has released three books, all successfully funded through Kickstarter. You can find her work on loish.net. We asked her a few questions about her art process, style, and inspiration! Check out the interview below.
Did you originally have a background in art? If not, how did you start?
I started posting my art online when I was around 16, although back then, it was more small artist communities and deviantart. I went on to study animation and then started working as a freelancer after graduating! So I do have a background in art but have been actively sharing my work for much longer.
How would you best describe your style?
I guess I would call my style semi-realistic feminine art inspired by Disney and Alfonse Mucha! I think the semi-realism is key - it’s cartoony but still has many elements of realism that put it somewhere between the two.
What is one habit you find yourself doing a lot as a creator?
A habit that helps me a lot is getting annoying tasks out of the way early in the day. I go through email and tasks before I get started on my art so that I can just focus fully on my art when it’s time to create. I just want to zone out while I’m drawing and not be distracted by other things!
How do you want to evolve as a creator?
One thing that matters a lot to me is making more and more time to do what I truly love and want to do, and be able to share that with others. So I’m trying to prioritize personal art more and more, and in the future, I’d love to just dedicate all of my time to that.
Which 3 famous artists (dead or alive) would you invite to your dinner party?
I’d have to go with some cliche answers and choose some old dutch masters: Vincent van Gogh, Rembrandt, and Vermeer. I’m so curious about their lives and ways of thinking. I’d want to know whether Vermeer really used a camera obscura, what Rembrandt thinks of animation and film (since his work was so dynamic), and just break the news to Vincent that he is one of the most appreciated artists of all time. And I’d want to know everything about what life in Europe was like during the years they were alive because I’m a bit of a history geek.
What are your file name conventions?
I name the file with year first, month second, then date. After that, I give it a name. So something like: 20220809_plant_studies.psd. That way everything is chronological, but I can also search by name if I forget when I drew it!
What is the hardest part of your process?
Honestly, the hardest part is just getting started and moving beyond the blank canvas. Once I’ve set my mind on something, the rest is manageable. But figuring out what I want to do, and dealing with all the anxieties that come with wondering whether I can pull it off, is the hardest.
Who on Tumblr inspires you and why?
One of my favorite artists that I discovered on Tumblr is @moosekleenex. Their art is so flowy and beautiful, but the comics are always funny and relatable. And they’ve been at it for so long, still making new art all the time. Also, I bought a few of their prints in the past and got some free original art with my order. It was one of my best art purchases!
Check out more of Lois’ artwork on her Tumblr, @loish!
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I think a big reason as to why I can't accept the possibility of Gwynriel or Elucien is because of how much Sarah has put into Elriel. Not putting Elriel together would leave so many questions unanswered.
Some of the questions that I have about everything that need to be answered regardless of who ends up canon or not are:
Why can Az smell Elain's bond with Lucien?
Why did Mor (whose power is truth) draw the sisters and bat boys on the wall in the cabin like it was some family portrait?
Why does Elain gain confidence around Az but loses her newfound boldness around Lucien?
Why does Elain seem fine when Lucien is gone all the time?
How can Lucien stay gone all the time?
Why does Elain get Az gifts and not Lucien?
What has Elain done with the gifts that Lucien buys her?
Why do Az's shadows react to Elain the way that they do to Mor?
Why does Az act more like Elain's mate than Lucien does?
What did that spark mean at the end of Az's bonus chapter if it literally had no effect on the rest of silver flames?
Why did Elain get Az ear plugs when the next night he "found" himself at the house of wind when the priestess were singing? What does this mean?
Why does Lucien seem happier talking about and to Vassa?
Why does he choose to stay with her and not attempt to get to know Elain?
What if the poison that was in Az's blood affected a potential bond between him and Elain the night she was changed?
Why did Lucien immediately feel their bond when it took feysand and nessian months and years to feel theirs? They had always known but they couldn't feel it until later on and Amren was the only one who could smell feysand's bond and she's made different. What does this mean?
Why did Az feel the need to give Elain TT and how was she able to use it and step out of shadow to kill the king?
Why is Gwyn so concentrated on Az during training if it's not because he reminds her of that night and wants to prove herself?
If Gwyn and Az are mates, why doesn't he act like it? Why doesn't she act like it? You think she would have told Nesta or Emerie during the rite when they were telling each other their stories.
If Elain accepted the bond, would it be for her or because of how much it would benefit the Night Court?
If Sarah has planned for Elain to end up Luicen all this time, why talk about rejecting the bond? Why make her avoid Lucien and develop some type of feelings for Az if she's going to accept the bond and have a happily ever after with Lucien?
Why spend precious page space and word counts showing Elain and Az being happy with each other and attracted to each other just for them "to end" in a bonus chapter that more than half the readers did not have access to when it came out? Was that the intention or are they just getting started?
If Elucien and Gwynriel were always meant to be endgame, the why leave readers with questions like these? Why make it where two people get to know each other, accept their failed loves (Grayson and Mor), develop attraction toward one another and have these secret moments between the two just to ignore this and put them with a mate they don't want and someone they wouldn't even call a friend?
Having these questions, especially the ones about Elriel, won't allow me to accept any other ship that's not Elriel.
Feel free to add any more questions if you guys want to. These are just what I could think of in the 10 minutes it took for me to make this post lol
#acotar#elain archeron#elriel#pro elriel#azriel shadowsinger#lucien vanserra#gwyneth berdara#anti g*ynriel#anti el*cien
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Under Summer Skies
(the long awaited Campfic)
a/n: As an alumni of 11 years of Jewish Summer Camp, this fic means more to me than anything else I have ever posted on here. I’ve been planning to write this for as long as I can remember, and working on it for at least 2 years. I hate editing and literally spent months editing. So if it’s terrible please do not tell me.
Author: @helladirections
Pairing: Harry x YN
Status: Complete
Word Count: 37k
MASTERLIST | PATREON | USS TAG | WRITING TAG
Deleted Scene - Campout
Extra 1: Lemon Over Ice
Summary: Harry and YN are longtime best friends back for another summer as the Dream Team on staff. Featuring getting called out by 12 year olds, two dumb best friends who can’t see what’s right in front of them, and lots of stargazing.
Preview:
“Listen to me YN. I’ll be here for everything you need. I can be everything for you. Let me be everything for you.” He took a deep breath, shifting his hand from her jaw to rest on her cheek instead. “I can tell that you’re lonely, but I’m literally right here. Let me be here for you. I just... I want you to be happy. Let me make you happy.”
“I’m so lucky to have a friend like you, Harry.”
Read below or on AO3 or Wattpad
Pool time was, objectively, one of the most frustrating parts of the day for YN.
Not because she didn’t like the pool or the kids were difficult - actually it was practically an hour off for most of the counselors because the campers were fenced in and watched closely by lifeguards. No, it was frustrating because she was constantly tempted by Harry’s body in a swimsuit, even though he rarely went swimming.
He wore no shirt and a pair of swim trunks with a shorter seam than she deemed necessary, causing YN to be sometimes distracted by his honey golden skin, which only tanned more as the summer went on. His muscles looked like he could be a professional wrestler, but really he only ever used them for soft, welcoming hugs. His deep green eyes always made the person he was looking at feel like they were the most important person in the world. His chocolate brown curls were often disheveled in exactly the perfect way, the only real sign of exhaustion from a hard day’s work.
There was no doubt in anyone’s mind, Harry was the cute counselor. Even before campers arrived and the staff was still in training, other counselors were falling all over him, just begging for a piece.
Even YN would be lying to say she wasn’t distracted by him at least a little. They were lying beneath the shade of an overhang during pool time; Harry preoccupied with drawing on the back of his clipboard and YN focused on a new, complex friendship bracelet pattern. His skin glowed in the sun, a littering of tattoos on display now that his shirt was off despite the fact that he had no intention of going swimming. And if YN looked close enough (which she definitely did not do) she could just see the light dusting of chest hair he had started to grow in the last few years.
They were a reasonable distance away from the campers, taking advantage of this time to catch up with each other and only keep half an eye on the kids while they were contained and supervised by three lifeguards. They were gossiping about staffing changes among the higher-ups, a rumor that Mitch was hooking up with YN’s co-counselor Sarah, and that Harry’s co-counselor Niall had been hungover when he got back from his last day off. But mostly, they were sitting there together in relative silence. It was nice, and comfortable.
Eventually, Harry broke the silence, snapping the cap back onto his sharpie and letting his clipboard rest on the ground next to him.
He nudged YN’s feet with his own, outstretched as he rested back on his hands. “What are you doing for cabin time tonight?”
“Not sure, why?” After two weeks, she had used up most of her easy evening cabin activities and hadn’t had a chance to start brainstorming new ones yet.
“Thought it might be fun for me to come in. Do a little question time, see what’s on their minds.”
“Really, with kids this young?”
Harry turned to look towards the campers for a moment. Half of them were still enjoying the pool, the other half pretending they were too cool for it and sitting around the edges gossiping or playing cards.
“Why not? Y’girls been staring at me for weeks now, must have somethin’ on their minds.” He gestured towards a group of five or six of her campers, sitting around in a circle whispering and looking over at them, quickly looking away and giggling when Harry waved to them.
YN mulled it over. She had ten campers in her cabin, half of them eleven and half of them twelve. They would definitely be excited for anything involving Harry.
“Alright,” she relented. “I mean, they do adore you.”
“I’m staying in the cabin though,” she clarified. “I know a couple of mine wouldn’t want to be left alone.”
He shrugged. “That’s fair. Y’little one always struck me as quite shy.”
“Oh no,” she laughed. “She’s the most rambunctious of the bunch. Did I tell you what we caught her planning the other day?”
As YN told him the story of the shenanigans her camper had gotten up to, she was reminded of when she and Harry were that age, getting up to similar mischief. Long before Harry was the cute counselor, he was a camper with a reputation, notorious for sneaking out at night to make out with whichever girl was brave enough to risk getting caught. YN, however, was never Harry’s kiss of the week. He never offered, so she never asked, and she buried her little crush in the back of her head to make room for a friendship instead. If he wasn’t busy locking lips with someone, he was still sneaking out, but with platonic intentions to watch the stars with YN.
It was around age 16 or 17 that YN realized it was futile to have a crush on Harry. For one thing, she had too much competition and she could never really compare. And for another thing, having a crush meant being awkward and he just seemed so nice she would rather be able to have an actual conversation with him without trying to uncomfortably flirt (a skill she never truly mastered). That’s when they started eating meals together and sharing items from care packages and gossiping about their friends. It was when they discovered their special spot by the lake and they snuck out to go stargazing and not touch each other. Some of the other girls noticed that they were getting close, but no one ever thought it was anything more than a friendship. More than a few times, YN was asked to put in a good word with him for other girls, hoping that next time he snuck out it would be with them. And sometimes it was, but he had turned down makeout sessions on numerous occasions to stargaze with YN instead.
YN never really stopped thinking Harry was cute, or sweet, or any of the nice things the other girls said about him, because he was. She just stopped putting so much emphasis on those things and treated him like a whole person instead. And somewhere along the line, he started treating her like a whole person as well.
They kept in touch during the school year as they got older - time zones made it difficult while he was back in England but they got creative. YN knew all the gossip at Harry’s school across the ocean, and he knew hers. He called her on holidays, even the American ones that he didn’t celebrate. Sometimes they would text at all hours, first thing in the morning for one of them and last thing at night for the other. But they managed.
So YN gave up on a crush and instead she earned a best friend that she trusted with her entire being. And that trade-off seemed pretty fair to her, looking back. Boys would come and go, but Harry had become a constant, and she didn’t want it any other way.
As they entered into adulthood, they grew even closer. YN had always been very independent, sure, but there was something inside of her that craved companionship that she was never quite able to satisfy. Except for Harry.
Their first year on staff together they were assigned to the same age group for the first half of the summer and from the get-go, there was something special between them. It was even to the point where Mitch, the camp director, noticed that when they were together, kids listened better, cabins were cleaner, and the kids were more engaged in programs. So YN and Harry appropriately started calling themselves the Dream Team and no one ever tried to correct them. It felt nice, YN realized roughly three-quarters of the way through that summer, to feel like she was doing life with someone (even if that someone was a different person than the someone she was hooking up with, but that was beside the point).
So it was natural that when they both came back for their second summer on staff, they were smart enough to equip themselves with cheap little walkie-talkies so they could stay in touch throughout the day and night, seeing as there was no cell service out in nature. Without some lame asshole trying to take advantage of her, YN found herself clinging to Harry even more than the year prior. If he noticed, he never said anything, and he seemed to enjoy being with her at least equally as much. Harry never tried to change her mind about anything important, never tried to pry if she made it clear she wanted to keep something to herself, and never allowed her to feel alone or unloved, which was something she had definitely never experienced before. He made it clear that he valued her independence, her strong-willed nature, and her opinionated mind. Every ex she had ever had, including the one from the summer before, had attempted to change or alter some aspect of who she was, and Harry never did. Instead of trying to reel her in and make her fit into a specific place in his life, the two of them were equally part of each other’s lives, cheering each other on and supporting one another in whatever they were doing or saying or thinking.
To no one’s surprise, they were placed in the same age group together again, too. Unfortunately, they were given the most difficult age group - 11 and 12-year-olds - which Mitch validated by claiming the Dream Team could handle anything. Middle schoolers were difficult for lots of reasons - some had started puberty and had the hormones of teens but the knowledge of children. Others hadn’t yet and felt the pressure to keep up with their peers. They still needed to be reminded to brush their teeth every night, but if they were left alone for too long they might start trying to kiss each other in the middle of the field.
She knew it would be a bit difficult, but everything was made slightly easier with Harry by her side. It meant they could spend quality time together during the day, and when he talked, the campers would actually stop and listen to him. Plus, the girls definitely thought she was cooler since she was so close with the cutest counselor. Unsurprisingly, they were pretty obsessed with Harry. And honestly, YN didn’t blame them.
It was like Harry was born to be a camp counselor. He had something about him that entirely bloomed if he was in the right setting, and YN was confident that their summer camp was that setting. He was fun, energetic, and he played the guitar. The kids loved him and his silly antics, and the staff wanted to be near him. He had the most beautiful British accent which made everyone stop and listen, even the most ruthless campers. And of course, he was undeniably cute.
Before long, the lifeguard blew his whistle. YN and Harry each stood up and started counting their campers, getting ready to head back to the cabins to shower and then on with the rest of the day and other activities. The two of them were glued together as always while they sent their campers off to electives, sat in the daily staff meeting, played sports on the field, and wrangled everyone for dinner. And they walked together leading the group to their evening activity for the day. Which at the three-week mark in the summer was a talent show in front of the campfire.
The talent show was a camper favorite and the counselors even came up with a clever name for it a few years ago - Talents Under The Sky (TUTS). So, after every act instead of applauding the audience would “tut, tut, tut” as if they were disciplining a toddler. It made no sense, but everyone bought into it and it brought out laughter so it was definitely a winner as far as Mitch was concerned.
YN was mostly relieved that she was going through this with kids that were old enough to have actual real talents, and not the 8-year-olds that all insisted on doing skits about nothing that made no sense while speaking too quietly for anyone to hear. Her campers sang songs, did gymnastics, and told jokes. One of Harry’s even attempted to rap. He was a total mess, but you’d never know based on the way that Harry cheered him on and congratulated him when he got off the stage.
After all the kids had their turn, a few of the counselors decided to step up and show off as well. Sarah read slam poetry that was clearly a joke and had the kids bending over with laughter. And Niall brought out one of his golf clubs to hit pinecones with, allowing some of the campers to run out into the field and measure which one went the furthest. But YN had limited skills and didn’t want to embarrass herself in front of campers who already only thought she was cool when she was next to Harry, so instead of going up on stage, she used her marshmallow roasting talent to build s’mores for all the kids.
Harry, on the other hand, was actually filled with talent. As the last act of the night, he joked that he was headlining the show. With a guitar in hand, he stepped up to the stage. Lit by the fire in front of him, his skin glowed even more than it did under the bright summer sun. His rosemary eyes reflected the sparks of the fire, twinkling in a way that made it so YN couldn’t look away (she almost burnt a marshmallow but blew out the flame just in time). But mostly, YN thought he looked at peace, at home. Sitting there on the stage in front of campers, staff, the fire, and YN must be his happy place, YN decided.
He pursed his lips to the side as he sat there on a chair and looked up at the sky considering what to play.
“Anyway, here’s Wonderwall,” he started with a chuckle and no other introduction.
The campers sang along, but Harry’s voice came across strong and clear over them. It didn’t really matter what he was singing, his voice would always be soothing to her ears. It reminded her of years past, of their own campfire talent shows, of music elective as a camper, and late nights under the stars. She felt goosebumps on her skin, but brushed them off as caused by the chilly night air.
By the end of the song, every camper had a s’more and YN switched her focus to making one for herself (and one for Harry after he finished playing guitar).
Harry let out a breath. “Ok.” he slapped his own legs with finality. “That was... not too bad, right?”
Most of the kids cheered for him, but one of the boys from his cabin called out “that was trash!” giggling as he spoke.
“Early bedtime for you tonight, I think,” Harry called out with a laugh. “Alright, I know we said everyone got to do one song but... I’m in charge so I’m gonna do another and no one can stop me.”
A few of the campers laughed and YN smiled as she finished putting together the sandwich treats for herself and Harry.
“Some of you might know this song, but I’m not sure. It’s one of my favorites and it’s called Girl Crush.”
YN sat on a bench, her own s’more in hand as she gazed up at Harry in front of her. Curled in on herself and her sweater to keep warm, YN admired the way the stars framed his face. She could feel a bit of marshmallow finding its place on the corner of her mouth, but she didn’t mind - the treat in her hand tasted good and the majority of her attention was on Harry and his guitar.
His voice sounded beautiful with everything he sang, but for some reason on this last song, YN felt completely enraptured by his angelic tones. He belted out notes that she didn’t think he could reach, lyrics clear and melody soothing. And if she didn’t know any better, YN could swear he was looking over in her direction a little too often.
There was a moment at the end of the song - all the campers and staff were silent as Harry was singing softly, his gaze directed at YN, eyes wide and unblinking. He finished the last word, strummed the last chord, and in that moment, it looked like he was going to say something. Taking a breath, he opened his mouth, but no words came out. His audience waited for a beat or two, expecting him to say something with finality, but he didn’t. All he did was cock his head to the side, look into YN’s eyes, and sigh.
“Alright, a round of applause for all of our very talented friends tonight!” Sarah called out, breaking up the moment.
Harry blinked a few times and turned his attention back to the rest of the group, clapping along with the campers. He stood up and walked off the stage, removed the guitar strap from his chest, and went to sit next to YN, taking the s’more out of her hands with a small smile of thanks but not saying anything.
When YN got her campers back to the cabin after closing circle, they were still hyped up from TUTS, but mostly they were gushing over Harry’s singing.
“He sounded so pretty and his hair looked so cute!”
“Oh my gosh did you guys see the way he was looking at YN while he sang that last song? He’s totally in love with her!”
YN realized it was time to cut them off and shift their attention. “Brush your teeth please, but don’t get changed for bed. We’re having a guest tonight!” YN called out when she got her campers back to their cabin.
The girls immediately started giggling and chatting, giddy with excitement as they tried to guess who would be coming and what they would be doing. For the most part, they followed her instructions and cleaned up the floor for their guest before sitting together in a circle in the front of the cabin by YN’s bed. She checked her watch - Harry should be there any moment, it couldn’t take that long to get his boys ready for bed and leave them with Niall.
It was sweet, the way the girls were all jittery and excited without even knowing what was in store. YN fondly remembered nights exactly like this when she was their age. Sure camp taught her how to climb trees and tie-dye shirts and sing new songs, but the untold truth was that camp was the perfect place to learn about boys and kissing and dating, and when she was only a year or two older than her current campers she appreciatively remembers a girl telling her about blow jobs. It seemed so grotesque back then - boys don’t even wipe when they pee, why would she want to put that in her mouth?
Finally a knock at the door.
“Hello? Yeh all decent?” Harry called from the other side of the cabin’s door.
The girls shrieked.
“Yeah, come on in,” YN replied.
Harry walked in, ducking his head to make it through the barrier which had been originally built in the 1930s and had hardly been upgraded since. When he looked up and made eye contact with her, YN couldn’t help but notice how bright his deep green eyes looked, even after a long exhausting day of being a camp counselor. He had on a pair of worn-out jeans with holes over the knees and a baseball t-shirt with a yellow collar and sleeves, which showed off his arms nicely.
He made his way over to the center of the cabin and sat down on YN’s bed next to her. The girls were all smiling and whispering to each other.
“Y’need anythin’? Water?” Harry asked YN softly, holding up his own water bottle.
YN chuckled a bit. “H, this is my cabin, I’m good.”
“Just making sure,” he shrugged before turning his attention to the campers. “Alright ladies,” Harry started. He almost always referred to the girls as ‘ladies’, and YN secretly loved it - it was sweet that he was giving them that kind of respect. The campers quieted down, looking directly at him like whatever came out of his mouth was going to be the most important thing in the world. “I’m here tonight to do a question time. Ask m’anything you want. Can ask about me, or about boys, or camp, or school. Whatever’s on y’minds, alright? All questions are valid and I’m an open book.”
He smirked, looking over to YN next to him. The area was small and their shoulders and legs were touching as the aging bed sagged in the middle from their weight.
A few girls raised their hands to start asking questions, and Harry called on them one at a time. They started rather innocently.
“What’s your middle name?”
“Edward.”
“How many years have you come to camp?”
“This would be m’tenth.”
“What’s your favorite color?”
“Pink.”
But it wasn’t long before they strayed...
“What color is your underwear right now?”
“Blue.”
“Boxers or briefs?”
“Do y’even know what the difference is? Anyway boxer-briefs.”
“How old were you when you had your first kiss?”
“Hmm...” he paused. “Think I was thirteen. Happened here at camp actually, out behind the Oak cabin if m’not mistaken.”
“Ooh tell us the story!”
Harry smiled, looking over towards YN. He opened his mouth to speak but one of the girls interrupted him.
“Oh was YN your first kiss?!?!?”
Harry chuckled. “No, no. But she was kind of there if I remember correctly.”
YN nodded at the memory.
“Was with a girl in my age group named Anna. Though she was quite cute, so I gave her the pot I made in art elective. Sat next to her at every meal for three days, too. Finally, she slipped a message to me to meet her outside behind her cabin at midnight, when she thought her counselors would be gone. So me and Niall snuck out of our cabin and met her. We got there and she had a friend with her, so our two friends walked a little bit away. Was quite awkward, but she was sweet.”
“I was in the cabin,” YN clarified. “But we were all staring out the window.”
“And your counselors were asleep?”
Harry laughed again. “No, we underestimated how late they would stay up. Got caught red-handed, we did.”
The campers laughed.
“But I want yeh to know, it’s ok if you’re a lot older before you have your first kiss, or younger, or however old. The most important thing is that it’s a good experience, right YN?”
He looked over at her for reassurance and she nodded.
“And always remember, you never need to define yourself by a romantic partner. You are all strong little people who will grow up into stronger bigger people. And if you really want a partner when you’re older, you’ll find one who respects you for who you are. But don’t ever be afraid of being alone.”
The campers totally looked past her well-meaning, deep-hearted advice. “How old were you, YN?”
“Hey now, that’s for another night. This is Harry’s question time, not mine,” she teased back at her camper.
“Harry, do you have a girlfriend?”
He took a deep, shaky breath and stared at the ceiling for a moment before answering. YN knew the question must be difficult for him. He’d been dating a girl back in London for around six months when he heard back that he had been hired to work at camp for another summer. She didn’t want to come with him. She didn’t want to do long distance. She didn’t want him to leave.
Harry called YN out of the blue one day - well it was the middle of the night for him, that’s why he said he called her instead of a friend in London. He told her that he didn’t want to wake anyone up. And he wanted to know what she thought since she was his best camp friend. And she was honest with him.
“Look H, I can’t tell you what to do. But I want you to be happy and I know I’ve never seen you happier than when you’re on a hike to the hidden campsite. And someone who really loves you should also want you to be happy. But I don’t know. Maybe you’re happier with her and I haven’t seen it. Just... do what makes you happy H, yeah?
He broke up with her the next day and called YN in a blubbering mess.
“No, no I don’t,” he answered softly.
“You should date YN!” one of the younger ones called out without missing a beat.
YN felt herself blushing, but she wasn’t sure why. Campers always wanted their counselors to date each other. And it wasn’t the first time someone had suggested it to the two of them. But he was sitting close to her, legs and arms touching, lounging on top of her favorite blanket. It had been a while since she had even considered it. But there was no point in thinking about it, really - they were best friends and she wouldn’t risk anything to lose him.
Harry flashed her a toothy smile, and if she didn’t know any better, YN would’ve sworn she saw a glimmer of mischief in his eyes.
“I don’t know, ladies. Your YN’s got staff boys falling all over her,” he teased. “Of course they know they have to get through me, first,” he said, puffing out his chest in show.
She gave him a playful shove and they both laughed. They both knew it wasn’t true.
“You’d be so cute though! Harry could sing to you and you could go on romantic hikes and he clearly likes you, everyone can tell.”
Harry was smiling, all in good fun until that very last statement. His brows were high on his forehead, eyes wide. He coughed. YN tried to read him, but it was hard. Other than shock, he wasn’t giving much away. Taking a deep breath, he looked back over to YN. Their eyes met and she shrugged.
“Have you ever dated each other? Or kissed? Or anything?”
Both of them shook their heads. “Nope. YN is my best friend. We’re the dream team, right?” he looked to her for a nod of agreement. “I’m so lucky to have her in my life.”
“Ok, well, what’s your favorite thing about YN?”
Harry looked at her for a moment. “I like... I like that she’s kind to everyone, even if they don’t deserve it.”
Most of the campers let out a little “aw” as she blushed at his response. But the little one wasn’t satisfied with the answer.
“What’s your favorite thing about her physically though?”
“Everything,” he answered quickly.
The response kind of took her by surprise. He didn’t even take a pause to think it over, didn’t try and come up with a bullshit work-around answer. Straight up, ‘everything’. What was she supposed to do with that information? Did he actually like the way she looked?
“Ok, next question?”
“You sang that song Girl Crush so... do you have a crush on anyone?”
His smirk spread across his face.
“A crush is supposed to be a secret, if I tell you then what happens?” he answered. “Can’t have you telling her because then I’ll never get my chance to do it properly, hm?”
“That means yes, you totally do!”
He shrugged. “Alright, who’s next?”
“How do I know if a boy likes me?”
“Who was your first crush?”
“What do penises taste like?”
Some of the questions really challenged the statement that all questions were valid and they wouldn’t laugh. But they did their best. YN definitely helped answer some, because Harry for one had no idea what penises tasted like, but he did promise that if he ever found out, they would be the first to get his report back.
They pushed and pushed about the two of them together. Something about being 11 and 12 years old made it engraved into their DNA that they would never let this go, no matter how many times both Harry and YN reassured the kids that they were only best friends. They asked what his favorite color of eyes was, and then pointed out that YN had that color. They asked what his ideal first date would be, and then cheered about how cute it would be for the two of them to go on that together. And they asked what he likes best in a girl, easily noticing that every characteristic he mentioned matched YN perfectly.
All together, Harry’s visit was probably the most exciting cabin time they had ever had. They were pretty riled up by the end of it when YN noticed it was ten minutes past their bedtime and forced the session to a close.
“You can ask me any questions, any time you want. I’m a safe, open book, alright?” he promised them.
“Except not who you like!”
“Still gotta keep some things to myself, hm?” he said, looking directly at YN.
After Harry left, YN spent over half an hour getting the campers settled down and ready for bed. All in all, they were good kids, even if tweens were generally awful. At least her kids listened pretty well and everyone took showers. That’s all she could really ask of them.
She turned the lights out, saying goodnight and walking back over to her bed area. Technically, counselors were supposed to stay inside the cabin if it was their turn for bed watch. But YN’s co-counselor was on a night off, and she hadn’t had a spare minute to herself for far too long, so she changed into her PJs, grabbed her phone, and snuck out the back door.
Her quiet escape was almost ruined, though, when she walked directly into another body and gasped louder than she meant to.
Harry put his hand over her mouth as fast as he could.
“Don’t let them hear you,” he whispered.
She smiled, and Harry let his hand slowly drop away.
“Scared me, H,” she told him as quietly as she could manage. “This is what the walkies are for, aren’t they?”
He chuckled a bit, taking half a step back and nodding towards the half-wall built in to support the hill a few feet away. They sat together for a moment in silence, looking at the window and listening for any movement that might be coming from inside the cabin. Only when they were both convinced the kids were still in bed did YN released the breath she was holding and turned to face Harry.
“The girls had fun tonight, I think,” she whispered softly.
Harry smirked. “So did I.”
“After you left they asked me what boxer briefs were.” She paused for a moment, laughing at the ridiculous way the question sounded as it came out of her camper’s mouth. “Led to quite an interesting discussion, I think.”
“Oh, I bet. You’ll have to give me your notes on it later,” he responded.
YN realized she was still holding onto her phone, so she slipped it into her back pocket. She had wanted to come out here to be alone, but being with Harry was undoubtedly better.
“You know,” she started, looking straight ahead towards the cabin. “They’ve been telling me to date you all week.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, probably should’a warned you about that.”
She turned back to see him shrug.
“Didn’t mind the question that much, really.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, why would I mind?”
Because you would never want to date me. Because I could never compare to your ex. Because every straight girl on staff is plotting how to get into your pants. Because we’ve been best friends for years and I gave up hope on anything romantic between us ages ago. Because everyone I’ve ever been with has made it clear that in some way, I’m too much for them.
“Dunno,” she lied. “Kids can make things like that a bit awkward, ya know?”
Harry responded with a noncommittal hum. “I don’t know. They’re just kids - they have crushes and want to start dating and so they project that onto us. ‘S natural.”
“I guess... Sounded good at TUTS tonight,” she tried to change the subject.
“Thanks, love that song. It means... a lot to me...”
YN nodded, kicking a pebble lightly with her toe.
“Did you mean what you said when they asked you about the crush?”
“Which part?”
“The part where... well you said you had one but you wouldn’t tell...”
Harry chuckled a bit. “Course I won't tell a bunch of kids like that. When it’s time to tell her I like her, she’ll know.”
YN looked up at the sky as she contemplated what that meant - that he had already fallen for someone else and her chances with him (that she definitely wasn’t hoping for) were all but forgotten. The feeling wasn’t new, but it meant that maybe one day, sooner than she would like, her place beside him would be replaced with someone else and she would be out on her own again. Which, honestly, was ok. She had gone this long by herself, she could do it again. But she couldn’t deny that she would miss having someone next to her, physically and metaphorically.
The sun had gone down long ago, and the stars were shining bright above them. That’s one thing she especially loved about camp - the nighttime stars. They were so much clearer than in the city. It was easy to get lost in them if she allowed herself - not unlike Harry’s eyes when he gave her that special look filled with softness and care and something else could never quite place. His eyes were probably made of stardust, she thought. Like someone had snatched one out of the sky, ground it up into little tiny flecks, and scattered them around his face as a little baby. And now, years later, those flakes were still present as shiny spots in his irises, in freckles on his nose, in the little mole under the corner of his mouth.
She wasn’t sure how long she’d been staring at the sky before Harry nudged her.
“Oh, sorry.”
“Lookin’ at the stars again?”
“Yeah,” she sighed.
“Hey,” he brought her attention back to him. “What do you say we go stargazing tomorrow night? You’ll be off, right?”
It had been a long time since they had gone out together in the late night, walking to the hidden spot near the lake where they would lay on their backs and look at the stars. Sometimes they were silent, but other times they talked about what else was out there, or what shapes they could see in the stars, or anything and everything that came to their minds.
YN furrowed her brow. “Yeah, but you’ll be on bed watch, right?”
“Technically,” he shrugged. “But Niall owes me.”
She didn’t respond right away. Maybe she was still a bit lost in the stars, or maybe she was lost in Harry.
“Y’cold?”
“Hm?” she asked.
Harry reached out to rub her arm. “Got goosebumps. Y’want my jacket?”
She looked first at where Harry was trying to warm her, and then quickly noticed what had probably actually gotten his attention. When she changed into her PJs she had taken off her bra, not expecting to be face to face with anyone else for the night. It wasn’t completely out of the ordinary for the two of them to be hanging around in pajamas and braless, but they weren’t usually outside in the cold and her nipples weren’t usually hard and on full display.
She looked between Harry and the cabin, weighing the odds of getting back inside, finding a jacket, and coming out again, all without the campers noticing. Even if she was wearing a bra, she knew that the chances of the whole endeavor working out were fairly slim. And Harry always had the softest sweatshirts.
“Uh, yeah. If you don’t mind?”
“Course I don’t.” He laughed as he pulled off his hoodie for her. “I would do anything, give you anything. You know that, YN.”
She slipped it on over her head, breathing in deeply when she thought he wouldn’t notice. His smell was so nice.
“Thanks,” she whispered.
Harry looked back at her, but she couldn't read his expression. He didn’t respond, just let his eyes meet hers. With a slight smirk, he tilted his head to the side but still stayed silent.
“What?” she giggled.
“Nothing.”
“That’s a lie.”
He sighed, but with a smile. “You’re right.”
She thought she had him trapped, but he still stayed quiet. Maybe it was the kids throwing it out only an hour earlier, or maybe it was being surrounded by his scent in his comfy hoodie, but YN might have tricked herself into believing that Harry was looking at her with something a little extra in his eyes. But she knew better.
“Well whatever it is, I’ll be here when you want to tell me.”
YN figured that he would share his thoughts with her eventually, he always did. She made sure he knew that he could trust her, that she would listen without judging and that everything said between them would stay between them.
She didn’t know that Harry was thinking about how good she looked in his clothes. About how he would like to see her walking around in one of his large t-shirts and no bra, socks on her cold feet as she walked around his apartment. About how in this particular sweatshirt she just looked so cozy and all he wanted to do was grab her and hold tight, cuddle under some blankets and fall asleep with a smile. About how she’s always on his mind these days. She didn’t know any of that.
But she listened as he continued on with something unrelated. He told her how Niall had convinced his campers that the dining hall staff actually have a way to measure which age group is eating the most vegetables, so they better eat more or else he could get fired for malnutrition. They sat down together on the cabin porch and he told her about how he had discovered a dusty old guitar in the back of the music room and spent a few hours trying to get it into tune, only to no avail. When an owl spoke up in the distance, she listened as Harry told her about the time a kid in his class when he was 8 years old who was obsessed with owls and talked about them incessantly, and to this day Harry can name random owl facts that he wished he didn’t know.
And she listened until Harry had bored himself, realizing that he had spent the entire time talking.
“Let’s talk about you, hm?” he offered.
YN shrugged. “What about? I’m not that exciting, H,” she laughed. “My campers think I’m lame unless I’m with you, I have no idea what life holds for me when the summer ends, and I haven’t even touched a boy since that guy last summer.”
“Yeah well,” Harry crossed his arms over his chest. “Liam was no good anyway.”
“He was fine, harmless, H,” she insisted.
“YN, seriously.” His tone lowered. “You keep calling him ‘that guy last year’ but he was your boyfriend. And he sucked.”
Sighing, YN took a few steps away from Harry, kicking a rock before turning back around to respond to him.
“Well first of all, he refused to suck, so write that down.” She looked up, expecting Harry to laugh at the joke but was only matched with a concerned face and a raised eyebrow, so she continued. “He just... he made me feel a little less alone, ok?”
“He took advantage of you, YN. He was only nice if he was sober and he told me he never liked you.”
“I know!”
Both of their eyes widened at her outburst, forgetting they were standing right outside a cabin of hopefully sleeping kids. They waited for a moment, expecting a voice to come from inside. After it was quiet for a moment, they continued.
“I know he took advantage of me, H. But no one had ever given me that kind of attention before, you know? He made me feel wanted, made me feel like maybe I could be loved because I could do something for him that no one else could. Made me feel like even if I was ok alone, maybe I didn’t have to be.”
“I know,” he answered softly, bringing a hand up to her arm and squeezing lightly. “But you don’t need that kind of attention, not from guys like that.” He paused for a moment, looking up at the sky before looking back at her.
Before he could open his mouth again, she filled the silence.
“But this is what I get, right? Men are trash and I let them in because I’m just a big dumpster fire?” She laughed at the end, looking down at her feet.
“YN, look at me.” When she didn’t, he got stronger. He softly grasped her jaw, forcing her attention back to him and bringing his other hand to rest on her waist. “Stop trying to make jokes to get out of this. You don’t need him, or anyone like him. You have me, and I’ll give you all the attention you want. I won't let you be alone anymore.”
She closed her eyes, breathing deeply as she processed his words.
“Listen to me YN. I’ll be here for everything you need. I can be everything for you. Let me be everything for you.” He took a deep breath, shifting his hand from her jaw to rest on her cheek instead. “I can tell that you’re lonely, but I’m literally right here. Let me be here for you. I just... I want you to be happy. Let me make you happy.”
She leaned her head into his large, supportive palm, and allowed his warmth to spread through her. YN was grateful it was late and there were no lights behind the cabins because if there were then Harry would have seen her blushing at his comment.
“I’m here, YN. I’m yours. Ok? I’m yours and you’re mine, and we’re going to be ok.”
He said it with finality, and YN didn’t want to fight him. Instead, she lunged forward arms first, grabbing around his torso tightly and tucking her head into his chest. From her spot against him, she could feel the puff of his breath as her body reached his with a bit of power behind it, and then the way his heart was beating a bit faster than usual.
He wrapped himself around her quickly, one arm around her waist and the other rubbing up and down her back softly. After a moment, he leaned down and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.
“I’m so lucky to have a friend like you, Harry.”
She was flattered that he felt so protective over her. So she listened as he talked about how much cared for her. And she listened as he talked about the standards she should be holding herself to. And she listened as he gave her a hard time for never taking her own advice. And she listened as he gave her comforting words, reminding her that she was worth so much more than she was allowing for herself.
And she listened when Harry checked his watch and realized he had ten minutes to get back to his cabin and get in bed before curfew.
The only thing she didn’t listen to was his insistence on her keeping his sweatshirt.
“I’m like five feet away from my bed, H. You need it more than I do.”
“Fine, but stargazing tomorrow, alright? Don’t forget.”
Not that she ever could.
. . .
The next day seemed to have dragged on for ages, even though she knew it was the same daily routine they had been following over the past three weeks. They did group activities, sports time, meals, electives, pool, shower time, and more group activities. But still, the day felt like it was never going to end, there was always something next other than spending alone time with Harry. She did see him literally all day and ate every meal sitting next to him as always, but looking forward to stargazing that night made the seconds tick by slower than ever. Bedtime couldn’t have come soon enough.
As the closing circle wrapped up and kids hugged each other goodnight, YN felt a firm but soft hand come to rest on her back.
“Click the walkie three times when you’re ready,” he whispered, reminding her of their code. “Meet me in the parking lot, ‘ve got a surprise.”
She could hear the lilt in his voice and knew without even looking that he was trying to hide his signature smirk. YN couldn’t for the life of her figure out what kind of surprise he might have in store for them, but the butterflies in her tummy came back in full force. Taking a breath, she nodded her head. Harry’s body was close enough that she could just barely get a whiff of that signature smell he carried around with him. She wanted to drown in it.
Back in the cabin, she waited for a while to help the girls get settled into bed. It was Sarah’s turn for bedwatch, so YN allowed her to take the lead on calming everyone down and getting them into bed. Before turning out the lights, she changed into comfortable clothes and grabbed her walkie-talkie from the shelf next to her bed.
“YN!” one of the campers whisper-yelled to her.
She whipped her head around until she spotted a camper on a top bunk lying with her head in her hands, watching YN. She walked over, resting a hand on the bunk.
“Where are you going tonight?”
YN couldn’t help but chuckle.
“Just on a little adventure. If I’m not back by morning, call the authorities... or call Harry,” she joked before turning back around.
“You’re going on an adventure with Harry?!” the camper cheered out.
Suddenly the calmness in the room was shattered as most of the campers were sitting up in bed, asking questions or yelling out reminders (specifically that if Harry ever let her touch his hair she was required to report back to them in vivid detail what it was like).
“I knew you were dating him!” the first camper called out again.
YN laughed under her breath as she gathered up her things for the evening. “I’m not dating him, he even told you himself, didn’t he?”
“But sometimes counselors lie,” the girl insisted.
YN pulled on a sweatshirt and grabbed her phone and walkie to put into her pockets.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’ve never told a lie in my life!”
She headed towards the door, but the campers were still eagerly chatting away about the situation. YN was grateful that it wasn’t her night to stay on bed watch, and Sarah would have to calm the kids back down now. After three nights in a row, she deserved the night off.
The staff parking lot was at the very bottom of the hill, meaning YN found herself walking through the entire camp. After all these years, she still found awe in the way camp looked at night after everyone had gone to bed. It was quiet in a different way than she was used to. And although she had every other night off from bed watch with the freedom to spend time by herself, she still found beauty in the eerie stillness of a place that was usually bustling with energy.
When she finally reached the lot, which was really more like an extra-wide dirt road with some dusty vehicles parked along the edge, she spotted Harry sitting on the trunk of his car, distracted by the phone in his hand. As she walked along the road, she laughed at the jokes and names and shapes that campers and staff alike had drawn into the dust-covered surfaces of the cars.
She watched as Harry finally looked up from his phone and spotted her walking towards him from about fifteen feet away. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but she could’ve sworn she saw his face light up at the realization.
“Well hello darling,” he greeted her softly.
YN took the last few steps towards him before hoisting herself up onto the trunk next to him.
“Hey H. Hope you haven’t been waiting too long. I know I sent the signal a while ago but then one of the girls asked where I was going tonight and when they found out I would be with you, all hell broke loose,” she giggled.
He looked back at her with a soft gaze, shaking his head.
“No such thing. Would wait hours for you, you know that.”
It was quiet for a moment before Harry coughed, bringing her attention back to him.
“So um, I’ve actually got a little something planned for tonight, if you’re alright with it. Still gonna stargaze! Just thought... y’know... maybe we could have a little fun along the way.”
She looked back at him quizzically.
“Uh right so, actually the surprise is in the car so...”
Harry jumped off of his perch before lending a hand to YN and helping her down as well. She watched him fish his keys out of his pocket and start opening the back end of the car.
“Hey, s’a surprise,” he insisted, urging her to giggle and turn away from him.
With her eyes closed, she could hear him opening the trunk, throwing a few things around, and closing it again. A few options of what it could be ran through her mind - some good food he’d smuggled in from his last day off, an extra one of his perfect-smelling sweatshirts, some candy he had confiscated from a camper.
“Are y’eyes closed?”
“Yes, Harry! Tell me what it is already!”
First, she heard him - his footsteps on the imperfect dirt road. Then she felt him - his breath on the back of her neck and his left hand resting on her waist. She held her breath.
“Alrigh’,” he whispered directly into her ear. “Open up.”
It took a few blinks for her eyes to readjust to the limited lighting they were under, but when she could get a clear picture again she couldn't help but smile wide. She turned around in his arms, laughing as she went.
“Harry! You snuck in alcohol?!” She gave him a little shove to his chest to punctuate her accusation.
Harry shrugged. “Yeah, brought it at the beginning of the summer but wanted to save it for something special. But any occasion with my girl is a special occasion. And I know for a fact that you haven’t had anything to drink yet this summer, even on your days off. You deserve to have some fun, so I’m not taking no for an answer.”
YN sighed, feigning discontent.
Harry just raised his brow, challenging her.
Ever the rule follower, the truth was she did feel guilty drinking during the summer even on days off. But Harry was right, it had been weeks. And if she was ever going to break a rule with someone it was going to be Harry. He always made those moments worth it.
“Fine, just this once though, ok?”
A giant smile spread across his face then as he knew he had won her over.
“You say that now, but I bet y’would drink again if it came with the bonus of spending time with me.”
“Bonus? Hanging out with you is like a chore at best,” she teased. “Now open that thing before I change my mind.”
Harry shook his head as he turned his attention to the bottle of cheap vodka in his hands. She would tease him for buying the off-brand as well, except that she knew what his salary was, because it was the same as hers, and it wasn’t nearly enough to validate buying the good stuff like she knew he preferred.
Once the lid was twisted off, he handed the bottle to her.
“Do the honors?”
“Wait, you don’t have any chaser, do you? Harry!”
He laughed again. “You get what you pay for, love. Now take a drink before I change my mind about sharing with yeh.”
She rolled her eyes before bringing the bottle up to her mouth. YN took a small sip before opening her mouth wide, sticking her tongue out, and making a disgusting noise that she would only ever allow Harry to hear.
“That wasn’t so bad, was it!” he insisted.
“Harry, I swear to god, if you ever make me drink straight vodka like that again-”
“Relax, babe,” he cut her off with a giggle. He turned back around and opened the trunk again, pulling out a bottle of juice and holding it up.
“Harry!”
“What! I just wanted to see if you would do it s’all.”
He grabbed a couple of plastic cups as well before closing the trunk and using it as a table. YN hopped back up to sit on it, swinging her legs back and forth against the back of the car as he mixed their drinks. They stayed there for a while, drinking together and chatting. It hadn’t been long since they had last talked, a few hours at most, but over their entire friendship, they had never once managed to run out of things to talk about. They traded stories of their nights out during the year away from each other. Most of YN’s involved her friends doing stupid things and her having to clean up the mess, and most of Harry’s had to do with his ex.
Harry was in the middle of telling a story about the time that he and his ex went to a bar, she lost exactly one shoe, and he spent twenty minutes crawling around on his hands and knees in the sticky bar looking for it only for her to remember she left it at their table.
“Hey, stop that,” YN interrupted.
“What? “ Harry raised his brow and took another sip of his drink.
“Stop talking about her. I don’t want to hear about her and I know you don’t want to talk about her.” She paused for a moment, pursing her lips and looking down at her feet before looking back up at him. “Alright, here’s the deal. No more mentions of her tonight, tonight is a fun night. And then we can pick a different time to sit around and be sad about her, alright?”
Harry seemed to think over the proposition for a moment before nodding his head. “I’ll do my best. ‘S hard though... spent nearly every day with her for six months.”
“You also spent time working and studying and doing things with friends, right?”
Again, he nodded.
“Great, tell me those things.”
“Fine, but not here.” He hopped off the car, grabbed his mixed drink in one hand and the half-empty bottle in the other, and started walking further down the dirt road away from the cabins and fields and program spaces and towards the hiking trails.
“You coming?” he called back over his shoulder.
YN followed his lead, hopping off the back of the car and jogging to catch up with him as they walked deeper into the forest. When they reached the first fork in the road, YN started naturally going right, but Harry stopped her.
“C’mon, let’s go this way,” he nodded to the left with his head.
“Towards the lake?”
“Yeah, why not?”
YN was a little confused at first. “Lake” was a strong word for the collection of smelly water hidden at the end of that trail. For years camp tried to clean it out and make it swimmable, or boatable, or even just not smell so bad. But every year they came back for the summer and it was exactly as disgusting as ever. Generations of campers and staff continued the legend that if you touched the water you would get a special rash that no one in the infirmary could heal. And when YN was a young camper, she swore she saw a dead fish floating around in it, but no one ever believed her.
But Harry looked determined, and YN trusted him, so she followed him anyway.
“Fine, but give me a refill,” she insisted, holding her cup out in front of him.
He gladly filled her cup and continued to lead her down the path. About five minutes in, YN realized how long it had been since she had gone this route. They no longer took campers to this spot anymore, not on purpose anyway. Which meant the last time she had been there must’ve been when she snuck out of her cabin as a teen. And that had to mean...
“Harry, are you taking me to our spot?” she asked softly.
He kept his focus straight ahead as he nodded.
“Yeah, thought it would be nice. S’alright, right?”
“Mhmm.”
There was an easy pause before Harry started up again telling a story of the time his friend accidentally picked up a stranger’s phone at a bar and got halfway home before realizing it. YN laughed along as they walked.
Truthfully, YN could listen to Harry talk for hours and never get bored. It didn’t even matter what he was saying. The sound of his voice was familiar and soothing, and the way he spoke sounded like a gentle melody from the birds or the waves crashing in the ocean. She had been known to completely zone out while he was talking, listening to the rhythm of his voice and entirely forgetting what the words coming out of his mouth actually meant.
Harry finished the story as they reached their destination, but YN almost didn’t even notice. She was so much more wrapped up in his presence next to her than what he was saying.
YN shivered as a cold wind blew through them.
“YN,” Harry said a bit sternly, “Did you forget to grab a jacket again?”
She shrugged.
“Here, take mine.” He placed his cup and the bottle on the ground carefully before taking his jacket off and draping it over YN’s shoulders. YN would never say no to getting to be wrapped up in Harry, even his clothes were close enough to the real thing.
The trail eventually opened up to a clearing overlooking the lake. Structures that had been built there in the past were worn down and weeds were growing in the center of an old fire pit. But off to the side still sat the small platform that YN remembered. Apparently at one point in time, it was used as a stage for campers to do talent shows, long before anyone had come up with naming them TUTS. But its only real use in YN’s memory was for lying on her back next to Harry and staring at the stars above.
They sat in the center of the platform together, cross-legged as Harry placed the bottle of vodka in between them.
“Alright,” he started with a sigh, hands landing on his knees. “We’re out of earshot of children for the first time in weeks, tell me what’s really on your mind.”
YN smiled but just shrugged. “What, like sex, drugs, and rock and roll?” she teased.
That had Harry giggling, which told YN he was definitely at least as tipsy as she was by that point.
“Ok, well the first one is sex, you go first.” she declared.
“I go? What do you mean I go? Like what do you want me to say?”
“Like, I don’t know. Tell me something I don’t already know. Like..” she stared out at the lake for a minute. “Ok, I’ve got one. Tell me a kink you have!”
“What?!” Harry said. “I’m not doing that, YN ask something else.”
But she crossed her arms and held firm, a pout on her face. “Nope, you have to answer, that’s the game.”
“What game?”
“I don’t know,” she admitted. “Just answer the question ok? You get to ask me one next.”
“Alright fine,” he eventually relented. He turned his body away from her to look straight ahead at the overgrown firepit and took another sip of his drink.
“What are you doing?”
“Don’t want to look you in the eye while I say it out loud.”
“Harry! That’s not fair! You totally have to look at me.”
“Fine,” he groaned, twisting around. “Just one, right?”
“You have more than one?” she raised her brows high.
He had a small smirk on his face as he darted his eyes, looking around everywhere except at her but not answering the question. “I really like... uh...”
“Out with it!”
“I really like being told I’m doing a good job, ok? I like... lots of compliments and nice words and honestly, the moaning counts too, because that means I’m doing, like, an extra good job.”
“So, a praise kink?” she clarified.
YN could see the blood rushing up to his cheeks even more than it already had, and it wasn’t because of the alcohol.
“Uh, yeah, I guess so.”
His fingers toyed with his lower lip, a nervous tick that YN was well acquainted with. She couldn’t believe he would even consider the idea that she might make fun of him for that.
“A praise kink is like, totally super normal. Tons of people like that shit,” she reasoned. “It’s kinda cute, actually.”
The words slipped out of her mouth before she could realize what she was saying. By the time it hit her that she had sort of called him cute, it was too late. But he was smiling back at her.
“Yeah? Y’think so?”
“Mhmm.” YN didn’t know what to say, looking down at her fingers in her lap and picking at her cuticles to distract herself. After the campers badgered him the night before she had meant to be extra careful with using those kinds of words around him unless she wanted to completely embarrass herself. But the alcohol made her loose-lipped and she couldn’t really help it.
He sat there in silence for a moment before finishing up the second half of his current drink.
“Wonder if you’d say the same thing when I get all possessive over you,” he said under his breath with a chuckle, refilling his cup.
YN’s eyes went wide for a moment.
“Alright, your turn,” he told her with renewed vigor, not giving her a chance to ask about what he had just blurted out. “Tell me something... oh, ok, I’ve got it. Tell me about the best fuck you ever had?”
“Ever?”
“Yeah. Who was it, what made it so good, spill.”
YN let out a breath. That was actually a pretty difficult question, considering her relative lack of experience. Harry talked like everyone had a sex life as extensive as his. She knew for a fact that he started having sex years before she did, and had heard plenty of stories from the other girls at camp about the experiences.
“What’s taking y’so long?” he whined.
She shrugged. “Dunno. Haven’t really had... I mean some times were better than others, yeah? But none really... stuck out as all that special, y’know?”
YN watched as Harry tipped his head to the side, curiously. “No, I have no idea. I remember all the special -” but he cut himself off mid-sentence. “Oh my god,” he gasped.
Now she was confused. “What?”
Harry just took another sip of his drink, chuckling as he swallowed. She hated when he did this, goading her on, teasing her with information. In the back of her head, YN knew he only did it because he liked to get her riled up. And as much as she didn’t want to let him win in his endeavor, she really had no choice in this situation. At least not with her lowered inhibitions and the feeling in her lower stomach that she was desperately trying to ignore.
“Harry!”
“No, I’m gonna make you say it.”
“Well, how can I say it if I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”
“Ok fine,” he relented. “I wanted you to admit that Liam was small. Probably didn’t even make you cum!” he teased.
“Yeah, well... he wasn’t the only one,” she grumbled, taking another sip out of her cup.
“You’ve been with other really small guys?”
“No, I mean...” she didn’t want to admit it, not to Harry of all people. But she supposed she made up the rules of the game and now she had to stick to them and actually answer everything. “I mean... no guy has ever made me... y’know... finish. I mean there was this one time where I thought maybe it happened but like, I know what it feels like and I just really liked the guy and was trying to convince myself he was making it happen.”
“Wait, really? Never?”
“Never by a guy... no,” she admitted.
She felt small under his gaze, but not because of what he was saying or doing. Just the knowledge that he had so many partner-induced orgasms that he had to specify a favorite. And on top of that, he knew for a fact that he was at least good at fingering girls because he had fingered Rachel L down by the gazebo three summers ago and everyone found out. All of that combined and YN felt like she could never compare, not to Harry, not to his ex, not to anyone. She was better off staying alone, like she always had been, like she probably always would be.
“Hey, hey, don’t be sad. We’ll make sure it happens for you,” he assured her, placing a comforting hand on her thigh.
“We?” She looked from his hand to his eyes.
Harry paused for a few seconds, then nodded. “Yeah, of course ‘we’, who do you think I am? Dream Team, remember? Gonna make sure your dream comes TRUE this summer.”
YN couldn’t keep from laughing at that.
“Ok your turn,” she declared.
“Shoot.”
“How big is your dick?”
Harry scoffed. “Tell you for a fact that I’m bigger than Liam from last year, and the guy from high school.”
“You’re just saying that!”
“Fine, fine. You really wanna know that bad?”
She had always been a tiny bit curious, but now that he was playing his little game and trying to hold the information back, YN was literally going to explode if he didn’t tell her.
“Well now I do, yeah.”
“Alright, it’s... well it’s about this thick around and this long...when I’m hard... on a good day.”
He showed her the measurements with his hands, and her drunken mind was in awe. There was no doubt in her swirling mind by then that he was anything like anyone she had ever been with. The idea of someone that big? He had to be bigger than any vibrator she currently owned (very well hidden away inside her suitcase under her bed and behind all her shoes so no one would find them). The image of him stretching her out as she had always hoped to experience one day was painted on the inside of her eyelids. It would probably hurt a little at first, and he would groan as she shifted her body to adjust to him. He would tell her how tight she was in between thrusts and she would feel so full - maybe even feel him all the way in her tummy when he came inside of her.
Harry laughed.
Her eyes went wide as she realized she had actually sat there and asked Harry about his dick then closed her eyes and imagined it right in front of him. The alcohol was clearly starting to get to her. He started pouring himself a refill, not giving YN time to fully recuperate after learning this new information.
“Ok, your turn. When was the last time you had a real orgasm and who were you with? Or I guess... what were you thinking about?”
He asked it so casually. And on the one hand, of course he did, that’s the game they were playing. But on the other hand, YN could feel the butterflies flying around her tummy because she knew what the answer was going to have to be.
“I... I mean I do it a few times a week, the last time was yesterday.”
She stopped short, but his gaze never left her.
“And you were thinking about...?”
She sighed. YN really didn’t want to have to come out and say it. Harry was her best friend and she didn’t want to make it weird. If he got all weird and looked at her differently after she told him, well she didn’t think she could survive the rest of the summer like that. It would be such a stupid reason to have to break up the dream team anyway. Even if he didn’t make it weird, she probably would. YN was already embarrassed by the way her campers talked about her and Harry, she didn’t need to add any fuel to the fire.
But, she was exactly intoxicated enough to not be able to think of a reasonable lie and the liquid courage took over instead.
“I was thinking about...Uh... well... you,” she finally admitted.
Harry put the alcohol down on the platform quickly before looking over to YN. She couldn’t read his face. He didn’t say anything, not right away at least, and she could feel the blood rushing to her cheeks as she did her best to look away from him rather than melt under his gaze. She had ruined it, hadn’t she? All these years of friendship and she messed it all up with one drunken admission and now she was going to be miserable. He knew something he was never, ever supposed to know.
“Hey,” he started, letting his hand rest on her thigh to get her attention. “S’not weird.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, ‘s like... s’a compliment, right? We’ve all thought about people while doing that. And at least it was someone I approve of.” He paused for a moment, appearing to be deep in thought before cracking a smile again. “I want to know how you had time at camp!”
She giggled at that. It was clear to her that Harry was trying to make her feel as comfortable as possible, which only fed into the mushy melting feeling she had inside of her chest while looking at him.
“During my hour off, Styles. Geez, you’re an amateur.” She finished up her drink as an emphasis to her point, Harry chuckling beside her.
YN reached out for the nearly empty bottle of vodka, only for Harry to swipe it out of her grasp.
“Harry!”
“Come on, love. I think you’ve had enough.
She let out a little ‘hmph’, sparking a little laugh from Harry as he set the bottle on the other side of the platform.
“You’re just doing that because you don’t want me to see you get any harder,” she insisted.
Harry coughed, clearly taken back by her comment. “You... I... what?”
“Well you’re really bad at hiding how turned on you are,” she said with a shrug, pointing towards the obvious bulge in the front of his sweatpants. Of course, she had been trying to ignore it, but with his size, how could she? In her slightly drunken state, she tried her best not to think of what specifically had turned him on to that point. She tried to remember that there was no way he could be attracted to her or something she said. So, therefore, it must be an alcohol thing, right?
Harry clearly didn’t want to address the situation at hand, so instead, he tried to change the subject. By this point, YN wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or the late hour and lack of sleep that was making them delirious, but either way, she just couldn't stop laughing. And neither could he. Everything one of them said was the most hilarious thing in the world.
“I saw a whale one time,” Harry told her, sitting up proud.
“A whale! Oh my gosh, a whale! No one has ever, in the history of the entire world, seen a whale before!” she teased.
He shoved her lightly by the shoulder before finally looking at his watch.
“Oh shit, we better get back. Gotta get you to bed, don’t even wanna know what you’ll be like in the morning if I let you stay out any longer.”
. . .
“You look like shit.”
“Thanks, Styles, just what every girl wants to hear. Such a way with words.” YN shoved him a bit as she came up next to him at the coffee station during breakfast.
His face broke out in a smile, dimples and all, as he finished stirring his coffee. She rolled her eyes, reaching toward the stack of coffee cups. But he pushed her arm aside.
“Here, I made this for you. Figured you’d need it after last night... plus I noticed there was only a drop of that non-dairy creamer you like left.”
YN felt a soft smile break out across her face, and she recognized a look in Harry’s eyes that she had seen in the past but couldn’t quite decipher.
“Thanks, H.”
“Of course.”
It was quiet between them for a moment, but not in an uncomfortable way. She just so genuinely appreciated him and the things he would do for her. The little things - like making her coffee exactly the way she liked it because he was worried the creamer would run out prior to her getting there. Or making sure she got to bed on time to get enough sleep. Checking in whenever he could tell she was feeling sad, or planning a fun day off for the two of them because he knew she needed it. One time in the winter he even ordered a delivery meal for her, from all the way across the ocean. He always took such good care of her.
“Scuse me,” Niall pushed his way in between them, breaking YN out of her thoughts.
Harry grabbed another cup to make his own coffee, which he took with no creamer and only one sugar. YN shifted her weight to one side as she watched him, realizing that if he didn't use a creamer, he had no reason to notice that it was almost empty. Maybe the bottle was in his way and we went to move it and that’s how he noticed? Or maybe whoever had made coffee right before told him it was running low?
They walked together to sit at the end of a table, their campers a good six feet away and too preoccupied with each other to notice or care what their counselors were doing.
YN took a sip of her coffee, looking across the table at Harry again. She might look like a disaster after a bit of drinking the previous night, but he looked as perfect as ever. His hair looked fluffy and soft, curls in the front highlighted by the summer sun and reminiscent of cinnamon rolls. His eyes were bright, and focused, and didn’t have any bags. And his shirt displayed his broad shoulders and muscular yet comforting arms in precisely the perfect way. It wasn’t fair, really, that he could be up late drinking and still look like that in the morning.
She knew she had been a little loose-lipped that night, and it’s not that she didn’t trust him. It’s just that... she never meant for him to know some of those things. He didn’t need to know that no guy had ever gotten her off, or that she thought of him while she touched herself sometimes. They were good friends, of course, but even still there were some things you always keep to yourself.
“So about last night...” she started, softly so no one could overhear them. Harry raised his brows, urging her to continue. “That stuff we said...it stays between us, right?”
“‘Course,” Harry answered easily, taking another sip of his own coffee. “You can always trust me, you know that.”
“I know it’s just...” she sighed, looking away from him for a moment. “I never really meant to tell you those things. I said it because I was... well... your surprise and all..” She didn’t want to say out loud that she was a bit drunk, just in case a camper or other staff could overhear her. It would be grounds for getting fired.
“YN,” he started softly. “It’s ok. I won't tell anyone anything. Hey, look at me.” He tipped his head to the side, reaching his hand across the table to rest on hers in an attempt to draw her attention back to him. “I’m on your team, always.”
She could feel herself blush at that, but she couldn’t make herself look away. His eyes were so clear and gentle, and she knew he meant every word he was saying. It wasn’t that she doubted he would keep her secrets, it was just that she needed reassurance that everything was going to be ok. That nothing had changed between them and he wouldn’t treat her any differently. That he valued her the same way he always had, and always would. His answer went further than that, though, telling her she could rely on him always. His words, the look in his eyes, the way he spoke to her outside her cabin a couple of nights ago, it’s like he was telepathically giving her a giant, warm, cozy hug. She desperately wanted one for real, but knew this wasn’t the time or place.
Before their conversation could go any further, one of YN’s campers came up to her asking to be taken to the infirmary.
“Duty calls.”
As they walked away, the camper whispered “are you dating him though? You can tell me, I’ll keep it a secret, I promise!”
. . .
“Nah, you’re way too good for Niall. Trust me, I saw him wear the same underwear two days in a row once,” Harry laughed.
It was later in the morning, and both YN and Harry’s cabins were having their turn at the ropes course. On the short hike through the trees, the two of them walked side by side, chatting as always. He had asked her if she had her eye on anyone this summer - she didn’t really, but she started listing other counselors that she thought were cute enough. Apparently, she gave the wrong answer.
“You asked who I thought was cute though - and he is. That doesn’t mean I’m like, in love with him or gonna make a move or anything.”
“I just don’t want to see you get hurt. Want you to be happy. And he’d make you happy for a few minutes but not... not much longer.”
“So you’re saying he can’t last?”
“No! I’m saying - are you running out of breath?”
They were almost halfway there, and YN started getting tired and her breathing sped up. Harry noticed right away.
“Drink some water, babe,” he told her.
“Forgot my water bottle.”
“Have some of mine.”
When they arrived at the ropes area, the boys and girls split off to do their activities separately. It started with team-building activities for the kids on the ground, getting them comfortable with some of the equipment and learning to work together. The boys were having trouble, arguing with each other so Harry, Niall, and Adam, the ropes staff, kept having to cut in and calm them down. But YN’s girls were in their own little world, working through the problems together and finishing some of them in record time.
That’s how the girls ended up getting to climb the rock wall, climbing tower, and actual ropes course first. And everything was going well for a while - the climbing wall wasn’t very tall and there was a lower point on the tower that the kids could stop at if they were really afraid of heights. Plus they were secure in harnesses and connected to ropes managed by some pretty strong staff members.
It was the on ropes course itself that there was some trouble. It hung up high in the trees, roughly 30 feet above where they were standing. The ropes were old, and from the distance, the kids thought they looked a bit worn down. Plus, the first section required partner work, and even with the team building and safety measures, most of the kids were pretty worried. YN reassured them over and over again that if they could do the earlier team-building activities together, then working with a partner to walk across the rope bridge should be a piece of cake! But it was to no avail.
Then Adam had the amazing idea of putting YN in a harness and having her demonstrate to the campers how to do it. He had to stay on the ground as part of the safety rules, Sarah was on her hour off, and she couldn’t be partners with a camper, so that’s how she and Harry ended up perched on top of a poll, 30 feet or so off the ground, attached with carabiners and ropes.
YN held onto the pole so tightly, her knuckles were turning white. She kept looking down, even though she knew not to. And Harry could see the way she was nervously shaking her leg.
“You’re not actually afraid of doing this, are you?” he asked her softly, so no one on the ground could hear.
YN shrugged. It wasn’t that she was afraid of heights, per se, and she knew if she fell the harness and ropes system would catch her. But the ropes course hadn’t existed when she was a camper and she had never actually tried it. They had the chance during staff training week before the campers arrived, but she and Harry opted to test out some of the new guitars instead. She had no real reason to be afraid, but the concept of a ropes course, in general, is quite daunting.
Harry’s face dropped when he realized that she was, in fact, a bit scared. He reached out, touching her arm lightly to get her attention.
“Hey, it’s ok. I’m right here. I’ll never let anything happen to you, ok?”
His voice was soft but strong, and YN found herself holding her breath for a moment before finally releasing it and nodding her head. Harry would be right there. He would be holding her and guiding her across the bridge, and everything would be ok.
“Dream Team, right? We can do anything. We can do this,” he assured her again.
“Ok...yeah...ok.” She didn’t sound very convincing, not even to herself. And she could tell from the look on Harry’s face that he wasn’t convinced either. But Adam called out from down below and started giving Harry directions on how to get to the platform in the middle of the bridge.
He looked at her one last time, taking a deep breath and following the instructions. She didn’t want to look down, so instead she focused on his arms, muscles working hard as he lifted himself further up the pole, across a hanging log, and back down to the platform.
“Now there’s nowhere for her to put her hands for balance,” Adam explained from the ground. “So Harry is going to have to do that for her. Harry!” he called out. “Put out your hands so she can reach for them, and YN go ahead and step onto the first rope on the bridge.”
Looking down at her feet, YN could feel herself becoming nauseous. It was a long way down, and even if the ropes caught her the harness was really uncomfortable, and it would be so embarrassing in front of the kids. She silently wished she hadn’t agreed to this, not realizing how intimidating it would be until she was already at the top of the pole and it was too late.
“YN,” Harry whispered, arms stretched out in front of him. “I’ve got you.”
She took a deep breath and used one leg to test the first rope of the bridge. There was some slack, and she would definitely be needing Harry’s help. That was the point of the activity, after all. Placing each of her hands in his, she looked back up at him.
“Are you sure you’re ready?” she asked
“Always.”
Nodding her head, she took the first step. YN wobbled quite a bit, but Harry’s strong arms stayed constant to support her. His hands were warm and solid, comforting and secure. With her feet spread wide, she was able to find her balance and control her breathing. He squeezed her hands, causing her to look up so he could smile at her.
“See how she’s distributing her weight across the rope and not in one spot?” Adam pointed out the campers, who all nodded. “And he’s got his knees bent for a stronger stance so he can give her extra support. Alright, YN, whenever you’re ready you can take the next two steps and get to the center platform.”
Lost in a trance, YN was staring at the ropes in front of her, part of her brain trying to figure out how to approach the next challenge and part of it was trying to convince herself that she was going to be ok.
“The first one’s always the hardest,” Harry insisted, drawing her attention back to him. “Everything from here is easy.”
They worked together, her relying heavily on his strong, sturdy arms to make her way across. With each step, she got closer to him. Her hands moved from his hands to his forearms. She could feel how tense his arms were, but his face looked so relaxed. His soft, warm skin supported her as she moved to the third rope, hands now moving to his biceps. And she knew he was strong, she knew he had muscles, but she had never taken the time to really appreciate them and feel them in this way. His upper arms were dense and sturdy, and her grasp didn’t fit as far around them as she expected. Finally, she reached for his shoulders and made it to the center platform, letting out a sigh of relief.
That was, until she realized exactly how small that platform was, clearly built for children and not for two grown adults.
“Here lemme just...”
Harry placed his hands on her waist, pulling her close to him and then rotating them both to get her across to the other side of the small platform. He was focused, looking down at their feet as she trusted him to maneuver their bodies.
Down below, YN could barely make out Adam explaining something to kids. She took a moment and looked into Harry’s eyes. When he finished rotating them, he looked up at her and smiled.
“See, Dream Team.”
“Yeah,” she let out a huff. “Something like that.”
Her hands rested softly on his shoulders still, his securely on her waist. The entire fronts of their bodies were touching from their chests all the way down to their toes. He held her close to him, and she wasn’t entirely sure if they needed to be as close as they were. But she didn’t mind, and judging by his soft smile, neither did he.
“I’ve got you, YN. You know that, right? I’ve always got you.”
She nodded her head, taking another breath and looking behind her at the other half of the bridge. If she did the first half she could surely do the second. It would just be a bit more difficult with Harry behind her rather than in front of her.
“Alright guys!” Adam shouted up at them. “Good job switching positions but now YN needs to turn around so she’s facing the second side of the bridge!”
YN felt Harry’s hands, still on her waist, as he turned her around. Their bodies still touched as they were confined to the small space, and she could swear she could feel his breathing on the back of her neck. He squeezed her lightly.
“Call me selfish,” he started, just loud enough for her to hear but not loud enough for anyone on the ground, “But I’m so glad I was here to be your partner. Wouldn’t want anyone else holding you close like this.”
She swallowed hard. What was that supposed to mean? Did he really enjoy holding her close? Did she like the way it felt to be close to him? Blood rushed up to her cheeks and she was grateful that she was already facing away from him so he wouldn’t be able to see.
Before she could respond, Adam called up to them, instructing how to take the next step off the platform.
She didn’t really pay much attention to anything that happened after that, risking her own safety to flip his words over and over in her head. Hours later and she still couldn’t get the comment out of her mind. Wouldn’t want anyone else holding you close like this. Why would he say that? Would someone else holding her close mean that Harry would get jealous? Wouldn’t want anyone else holding you close like this. Did she like being close to him like that? Did he like it just as much? Wouldn’t want anyone else holding you close like this. After all those years as friends, as pretty much the only girl he never tried to get with, did something change?
She thought about it when he cheered for her after she made it to the end of the ropes course, a task she couldn’t have completed without him, literally. And she thought about it when he sat at the top of the waterslide during pool time, counting 15 seconds in between each kid to keep them safe and listening as they called silly things out to hear the echo. She thought about it again when she convinced her most stubborn camper to take a shower because honestly, people were starting to notice. Then she thought about it when supervising field time and watching Harry teach some of the boys how to properly throw a frisbee. She even thought about it when the kids were at their elective time and the counselors were in their daily team staff meeting with Mitch going over the schedule for the next day.
And it was still on her mind when the meeting ended and their daily hour off started. She walked up to Harry out of instinct, but soon realized she didn’t quite know what to say. Which was quite out of character for her, since she and Harry had pretty much never run out of things to talk about. They had talked earlier about sneaking into the kitchen and stealing some of the good snacks ahead of distrubution, but she had other more urgent things on her mind. Biting her lip, she looked up at him. But before she could get anything out, he stopped her.
“I’m just gonna take some time to myself in the cabin today if you don’t mind postponing our snack burglary,” he teased.
“Oh, yeah,” she said softly. “Enjoy yourself.”
This of course left YN with an entire hour to herself, which normally was something she relished, but on this day she so desperately wanted to be distracted and stop thinking of what he had told her. Harry was her best friend, and she shouldn’t be spiraling over something as simple as this. A few words shouldn’t be affecting her this much.
They hadn’t always been this close, though. Both started going to camp when they were pretty young, at an age where the girls and the boys didn’t really mingle all that much. She knows for a fact that they were in the same age group for several summers, but she had absolutely no memory of him ever existing.
Then they got a bit older, and middle school came around. YN does have memories of Harry during this time, but they were mostly from a distance. He was always so cool and exciting and popular, and she was just kind of there. He was foreign and had an accent and fluffy hair and sparkly eyes, and she just kind of existed. Harry was always kind to her, but not in a way that was any different from how he treated everybody. He was always helping people when they fell down or thanking the lunch ladies even if they made burnt grilled cheese for the third time in a row.
It was in high school when things started to change. Harry went from being only that sweet, cute, British boy over there to being the one all the girls - and some of the boys - were fawning over. YN knows for a fact that he was at least three different girls’ first kiss in one summer, because she was actually present when all three happened (truth or dare, at a campfire, and behind a tree while they were supposed to be playing capture the flag). And if she remembered correctly, Harry soaked it all up. He didn’t brag, the other boys did enough of that for him. But he preened in the attention and accepted his role.
It was after YN had resigned to ignore her quiet little crush and make friends with Harry that they got so close. And eventually, they were practically inseperable. Harry even helped YN decide on a college, and then classes, and then a major. He never told her what to do but he was a great listener and always asked the right kinds of questions to get her thinking until she could come up with an answer she was confident in. He reminded her that school and work would never be her entire life, but they would be the way that she spends a lot of her time. And no one should spend that amount of their time miserable. And that was really the theme - he just wanted to make her happier. He pushed her to go out with friends more often and go on spontaneous adventures and learn about things she was actually passionate about - all from thousands of miles away.
In the past two years, they had spoken nearly every day - either over the phone or by texting, though Harry always preferred to actually hear her voice. They would stay on the phone until late at night talking about whatever was on their minds and on more than one occasion YN had a roommate bang on the wall to get her to quiet down. Sometimes she even got to fall asleep to the sound of his voice. They talked about their days, or their jobs, or their families. They talked about the universe like they used to do under the stars at camp. They talked about relationships and what they wanted in a partner. She knew all about his girlfriend, who he was really smitten with for a long time. They had no real secrets between them, none that she knew of anyway. Besides, she had kind of spilled the beans in the only category she was really keeping to herself the other night after drinking.
And if they didn’t have any secrets, then it should be easy to have a conversation with him about what he said up on the ropes course, right? She should be able to walk right into his cabin and say “Hi Harry, What did you mean when you said you wouldn’t want anyone else holding me close? Has something changed between us?”
So without thinking over it any harder, she marched right down to his cabin with the intention to do just that. Walked down to the boys’ village where she wasn’t technically supposed to be (but there were no campers around so it was fine) and threw open the door without knocking. No secrets.
Except, maybe they should have some secrets. Like it probably could have stayed a secret that Harry had his cock in his hand, his computer beside him playing a video, and soft moans coming out of his mouth. YN probably didn’t need to know that he was turned on by watching a video of shower sex. Or that he liked to alternate between fast and slow strokes. Or that he spit directly on his dick for lubrication.
YN probably could have gone her whole life without knowing those things.
But it was too late. By the time she yelled “Oh my god!” and turned around with her eyes closed, she already knew too much.
Harry slammed his computer shut and yelled out several expletives. She could hear him moving around on his bed searching for his shorts and pulling them on. And then she could hear silence.
A silence that had never really existed between them before. And it lasted for what seemed like an eternity.
Eventually, Harry coughed. “You uh... you can turn around, if you’d like.”
He sounded scared.
YN took a deep breath before turning around, waiting another couple of seconds, and finally opening her eyes. The view in front of her this time was much more than what she was used to - Harry, sitting on his bed, fully clothed, fluffing his pillow to give himself something to do. It still wasn’t completely normal, as she couldn’t help but notice he was still completely hard beneath the loose-fitting shorts, which were doing nothing to try to hide that fact anyway.
At first, she opened her mouth to speak, but nothing really came out. She wanted to say she was sorry. She wanted to pretend none of this ever happened. She wanted to make a bad joke that would distract them from the issue at hand and allow them to move on without discussing it further. But that’s not what she said.
When she finally spoke, she only mustered up, “Were you just touching yourself?”
“No,” Harry deadpanned.
Which, like, was obviously a joke but considering the situation YN was too afraid to say anything.
“YN you literally told me last night that this is the time in the day where you do this. I told you I wanted to spend some time alone and you didn’t put that together?”
“Well, I... I was thinking about other things,” she admitted with a shrug.
She looked up at Harry, desperately trying not to look at his lower half but it was a pretty tall order. He raised a brow, asking her to continue.
“I was thinking about you...” she started. And she was going to say she was thinking about what he said earlier in the day, she really was. But he jumped in first.
“So was I... about you! I mean. Not myself. That would be... I have an ego but it’s not that bad.”
And that... was definitely not what YN was expecting to hear.
“Really? Me? While you were...?” she asked softly, feeling somehow afraid of the answer. Because if he really was thinking about her, that meant even more than his little remark on the rope bridge. It would mean that they had both thought of each other in that moment. It could mean... a lot.
Harry shrugged, “yeah.” And it wasn’t fair, really, that he was able to brush this off like no big deal and she was still standing there feeling like there was a spotlight pointed directly at her with a ticking time bomb getting ready to go off somewhere in the background.
“Oh,” was all she managed to get out.
“It doesn’t have to be weird... you told me yesterday you thought about me so I figured...”
“No, yeah, I mean. Not weird at all,” she lied.
“Ok, good.” Harry let out a big sigh, looking down at himself. “I uh... I’m kinda...”
“Oh, right, yeah. I’ll um... I’ll let you take care of that. I’ll see you... later?”
She started to leave, but not without hearing Harry under his breath say “Maybe you’ll help me out next time.”
. . .
That night for cabin time, YN and Sarah tried to wear out the campers by having a glow stick dance party. Unfortunately, all it seemed to do was rile them up further. The amount of energy stored inside 11 and 12-year-olds' bodies seemed limitless. And the little one broke a glow stick and got it all over her fingers, which meant she got it all over her bed, which meant YN had to spend 20 minutes helping her clean it before turning out the lights.
It felt like it took ages for them to actually quiet down and start to go to sleep. She had to resort to playing an old meditation story so they would at least stay quiet enough to hear and hopefully, maybe, eventually drift off. While the story was playing Sarah left for her night off and YN stayed behind on bedwatch. She heard the walkie click three times - her code with Harry that it was time to chat - but the girls were definitely still awake so she had to wait. To kill the time, she cleaned up the floor, refolded her clothes, and pushed her suitcase further under her bed. Anything to give her something to do so her mind wouldn’t wander too far.
This day had been... a lot. Just in 24 hours, YN felt as if everything had changed between her and Harry, and she was terrified of it. A new door had opened in their relationship and she still didn’t know what any of it meant.
The meditation story eventually ended, and YN let out a breath of relief when she could hear the sounds of steady breathing. To be safe, she turned on another story as she grabbed her walkie and carefully slipping out the door.
She took her seat just outside the cabin, checking to make sure no one was within earshot, and clicked the walkie three times, biting her lip as she waited for a response. YN had never been this nervous to talk to Harry. Everything was always so easy with him. Conversation came naturally and she trusted him so deeply. But now, everything was confusing.
It wasn’t long until Harry’s soft, calming voice came across the radio.
“Hey darlin’,” he whispered, likely sitting directly outside his own cabin. “Was afraid you weren’t gonna wanna talk to me tonight.”
YN furrowed her brows. “That’s crazy, H. Why wouldn’t I want to talk to you? Things get so boring here.”
“Oh so I’m only good for my entertainment value?”
“Obviously.”
She smiled softly.
There were so many things YN wanted to say to him at that moment, but none of them seemed quite right. She was scared of what he might say, what might change, what all of it could mean. She was scared that he would be scared and then she would be alone again. So instead she figured the safer conversation would be the one she owed him anyway, which would remind him of where they really stood.
“Anyway, I know I cut you off from talking about... her... last night, and that wasn’t really fair. So if you want to think out loud, or vent, or whatever, I’m here for you to do that tonight.”
Harry sighed through the speaker.
“Yeah I... I guess I probably should talk about her some, to get it out, right?”
It was hard for YN to listen to Harry talk about his ex, but as his friend, she knew it was the right thing to do for both of them (because also maybe it would remind her not to get her hopes up too high about him). He had been carrying some of this around for so long, and she could see the look in his eyes when the campers asked him if he had a girlfriend and knew that he was still feeling some sort of pain. It had been over a month now since they broke up, but he had been sharing his concerns about her with YN for much longer.
When they first got together, Harry seemed so genuinely happy. He was always telling stories of his time with her - going on adventures, seeing new places, meeting new people. She brought out something special in him that no one he had previously been with seemed able to do. He seemed relaxed around her and YN could hear his smile through the phone while he talked about her. He was happy, and so YN was happy for him.
Harry would acknowledge that something changed around the time Camille’s lease was up and she started suggesting either moving in together or moving out of town. But he didn’t know that making that decision was just the start of it. He didn’t know that Camille had called YN up one day (Harry had given them each other’s numbers and they texted occasionally, but only in reference to him) and practically threatened her to stay away from Harry. She claimed YN was taking up too much of Harry’s time and it wasn’t normal for someone in a relationship to be that close and talk that often with another girl. She was convinced he was “emotionally cheating” on her with YN.
And to be honest, YN was a bit intimidated by Camille at first. She had a strong presence, a loud voice, and sounded serious on the phone. But when Harry called her the next day, she realized how ridiculous that was. Anyone who supports Harry should support all of him, including his other friendships and relationships. Hell, YN was supporting his relationship with Camille because it made him happy. So she wasn’t surprised that shortly after that conversation, Harry started mentioning things getting weird between the two of them.
When he flat out rejected the idea of moving in together (“six months is a long time but it’s also not that long. Not long enough to make entire life decisions based on”) Camille was furious. She still tried to convince him to move out of town with her, and he did seriously consider it for a while. He felt pretty selfish when he decided to stay, but YN would remind him that if he was making a decision based on what he thought would make him happiest, then he had no reason to feel anything but confident in his choice.
Apparently, that wasn’t enough for Camille to end things with him, but she definitely held onto the anger. They stopped going on dates, stopped seeing friends together, and their conversations ran stale. Harry complained to YN that she had turned into a fuck buddy, the exact habit he was trying to escape. She would come over, eat dinner, watch an episode of tv, fuck, and then leave without so much as a cuddle. That was the hardest part for YN to hear about - their sex life. He never went into detail but even the fact that he acknowledged it existing was difficult to hear - partially because of her old crush and partially because of her own lack of sex life.
“I’m so glad camp started when it did,” he admitted. “I don’t think I would’ve had the courage to leave her otherwise.”
“Sure you would’ve,” YN insisted. “You always do what you know is right.”
“Maybe...” he sounded pensive. “Sometimes I... sometimes I miss out on opportunities and regret it later.”
“Like what?”
“Like... well it’s not important. The point is she went from being my girlfriend to a fuck buddy and it sucked.”
“Hey - at least she sucked in a good way, right?” YN teased.
Harry groaned on the other end.
“That was terrible.”
“I know, but I’m absolutely not sorry at all.”
“Ok but, the last thing I want to think about right now is doing that with... her. I’d much rather talk about you.”
“What about me? We talked about my sexual shortcomings last night, there’s not much else you don’t already know.”
“Just... tell me what’s on your mind? I’m done talking about her. She’s old news and honestly, I feel like a robot when I talk about her now. I miss having a person, but I don’t miss her. ‘Sides, you’re my person now.”
He said it so easily, it wasn’t even fair. YN was grateful that he couldn’t see her and the way the blood rushed to her cheeks as he admitted that she was his person. The sentiment wasn’t anything new, but hearing him say it so bluntly like that... brought back her swirling thoughts from earlier in the day.
“There’s a lot on my mind.”
“Like what?”
YN took a deep breath. They were beyond the point of no return, there was nothing she could say to him that would be any more embarrassing than anything that they had experienced in the last day. So she might as well be honest.
“Been thinking a lot about you, H.”
“Oh. Like.. have you been...after you saw me were you....doing it and...”
“No!” she quickly cut him off, knowing what he was insinuating. “Not that I wouldn’t...or that I would? I just... ugh.”
Harry chuckled through the walkie. “It’s alright YN, tell me what you were thinking then.”
“Was thinking... well, earlier I was thinking about what you said this morning, on the ropes. That you wouldn’t want anyone else to hold me close. What.... what did you mean?”
“I meant... I meant what I said. Had an excuse to hold you close, and if I saw anyone else doing that with you I would’ve... well... I don’t know, YN. I’m selfish, I get jealous, and you’re mine.”
“I’m yours?”
“Yeah, my person, my dream team, all that. Wanna just... just keep you all to myself sometimes, yeah?”
“Harry, we spend all day every day together.”
“I know. And I like that. I like... I like having you with me. You make me smile, and... you’re safe. And holding you close like that this morning... it was nice. Wanna do that more. But maybe on the ground and not 30 feet in the air with 20 little kids staring up at us,” he laughed at the end.
YN let out a small laugh, but she was too deep in thought for it to sound genuine.
“Does this mean... Harry, has something changed between us?”
The silence while she waited for an answer seemed to last for an eternity. What had she done? Asking him so forward like that? But everything he was saying, it was so... sweet. And it made the butterflies in her tummy flutter bigger than they had in years. Her mind was swirling with possibilities, the good and the bad.
He liked holding her close. Would he hold her close in bed, for a nice cuddle? Would he stroke his hands through her hair while they watched tv? Would he squeeze her too tight in his sleep, just by instinct, forcing her to wiggle away from him? What if her wiggling woke him up? Would he have a cute, sleepy, pouty face as he opened his eyes, grabbing his hands out to nothing until she relented and moved back into his grasp? Would he kiss her goodnight before tucking his head into her neck and letting out soft little snores?
Or would he be completely appalled and offended that she had even asked the question? Maybe he would laugh and say something to remind her that he would never see her romantically. She could never be more than a friend to him, always having to push her little crush into the back of her mind so it wouldn’t bother anyone. Because that’s what it was, wasn’t it? An embarrassing little childhood crush that had never quite faded away. He would connect the dots, after her admission last night, and the questions she asked him today, and he would no longer feel so safe and comfortable with her. He would put space between them like they were young again and she would lose her best friend.
“Of course not, don’t be silly. I’ve always felt this way about you, YN, you should know that. Well, maybe not always but a really long time.”
“Oh.”
YN wasn’t quite sure what to make of that answer. He wasn’t exactly declaring his love for her, but he wasn’t pushing her away either. He was just... continuing on with what they already had. And that had to be good enough YN.
She wanted to ask him what he meant about ‘feeling this way’. She wanted to ask what the future was going to look like. She wanted to ask if she was ever going to have a chance or if he would just be a soft, lovey-dovey best friend forever.
But she didn’t ask.
“Me too,” she responded softly instead of any of the questions running through her mind.
“Good... I’m... I’m really lucky to have you in my life, YN.”
In the short silence, she heard Niall’s voice distantly in the background from the radio.
“Ah, Niall’s back. Should probably head to bed anyway. See you in the morning.”
“Yeah...see you.”
YN went back into the cabin then, closing the door as softly as she could. But as soon as she did, one of the campers sat straight up.
“YN!” she whisper-shouted.
“Shh... you’ll wake everyone up. What do you need?”
The camper rubbed her eyes before answering. “You were talking to Harry.”
“Yes...”
“I don’t know what he said, but I heard his voice. He has a nice voice...”
“Yes, he does,” YN smiled. “But it’s late. Harry went to sleep and I’m going to now. You should be asleep too.”
“Ok,” she answered softly, lying back down on her bed.
YN made her way to her bed, changed into her pajamas, and got under the covers. But she didn’t sleep. How could she, with Harry’s words running through her head? Instead, she spent the night tossing and turning, rolling around in her bed and desperately trying to shake her thoughts free. That night, she was up later than the time the campers wanted to pull an all-nighter.
. . .
Looking back, it would have been smart of YN to cut her conversation with Harry short, go to bed early, and get a good night’s sleep. She would have smiled while thinking back on a conversation about mundane nothingness, snuggled under her warm blanket that she brought from home, and drifted away into an easy dreamland for eight hours. Maybe she would have even dreamed something sweet about Harry, something mixed in with crazy dream logic like maybe he was holding her close and teaching her to fly off a cliff so they could escape the crazy ostriches chasing them through the forest. That would have been nice.
But no, that’s not what YN did. She had a conversation that left her more confused than she started, and she hardly got any sleep. Rolling over every five minutes and never truly able to get comfortable, she struggled all night. Her body would not let her relax. Her feet kept tapping and her mind kept swirling and her leg was really itchy for some reason.
All in all, she probably got four hours of good sleep that night. And normally, she would have been able to make do, maybe take a nap during her hour off, take it easy for the day. But that wasn’t possible as she was woken by excited screaming and pounding on the doors and windows.
Somehow, YN had forgotten that it was Color Wars day. And when the realization hit her, it came with the extra weight of remembering that she was supposed to be a team captain. Blue Team - which it turned out was different from the team her campers would be on because they were assigned separately, which made the morning quite complicated.
The kids were excited, jumping out of bed as they searched through their clothes for something red to wear to represent their team color. They were eagerly chatting and Sarah had to remind them to brush their teeth because they were just so excited.
Meanwhile, YN rolled out of bed slowly, groaning as her aching body moved and her eyes adjusted to the light in the room. Why had she agreed to be a team captain? This day was practically a day off for most of the staff - not having to shepherd the kids from one place to another, most of the responsibility landing on the team captains and the teenagers. And then she remembered that Harry had talked her into it a few weeks ago. The original idea was to be team captains together, but then Mitch thought it would be funnier to make them compete, and now YN was going to spend her entire day opposing Harry instead of lounging around with him.
It didn’t help her mood that the wake-up call of screaming teenagers came 30 minutes earlier than the usual alarm so that the teams could congregate prior to breakfast and start the day with energy. So with less sleep, more on her mind, and no real enthusiasm, YN trudged her way to the amphitheater where she made sure her campers were seated with their team and she took to the stage with the other captains.
Harry was already there, all dressed in red complete with a red cowboy hat and sunglasses. YN smiled to herself, knowing the girls would love being on his team for the day. Next to him stood Niall, YN’s co-captain for Blue Team. Niall was always sweet, and always had so much energy, so he would be a great captain in that respect. But she knew that he would get lost up in the excitement of everything and YN would end up being the one to count the kids and make sure everything actually ran smoothly.
Music was playing loudly in the background (too loudly for so early in the morning, if you asked YN, not that anyone did) and the kids were all dancing in their seats. When it was time for the team captains to introduce themselves, Harry of course went first.
“I’m Harry and I’m your Red Team captain! And Red Team is going to win because we’re on fire!” The girls on the benches screamed after him, giggling to each other about how they would get to spend the whole entire day with him. He had way too much energy for someone who had the same conversation the night before as YN did. It wasn’t fair.
“I’m YN and I’m the Blue Team captain! And Blue Team is going to win because we’re the coolest!” Niall came up after her and sprayed his entire water bottle on the Blue Team campers in the front row.
At breakfast, YN made a beeline for the coffee station. She was going to need more than one cup if she was going to survive this day. The coffee machine was slow, so she stood there for a few minutes surveying the room, eventually making eye contact with Harry. He smiled wide and walked over to join her.
“Y’alright?” he asked, wrapping his arm around her in a short hug.
“Yeah,” she sighed.
“Y’look like sleeping is your next sport.”
“I’d lose at that too,” she told him with a sigh. “Couldn’t sleep last night. Gonna need extra coffee to get through this day.”
“Really? The Color Wars energy doesn’t just... run through your veins and make you go crazy?” he teased.
YN snorted. “Not exactly, Styles, no.”
He dropped it, grabbing a cup to make his own coffee for the morning before changing the conversation.
“Why couldn’t you sleep? We weren’t up all that late.”
She shrugged. “Had a lot on my mind after...” She drifted off, not exactly sure how to finish her sentence. But he nodded anyway, understanding.
“We gotta work on that - make sure you’re sleeping good at night. S’not healthy to not sleep... plus you get so cranky, pain in my ass.”
YN playfully whacked him on his arm.
“I’m just being honest, looking out for ya,” he shrugged.
They sat together for breakfast, ignoring the fact that the teams were supposed to be divided in the dining hall. But no one tried to separate them. They talked as they ate their rubbery pancakes, laughing over old memories and new camper stories.
And then Harry stopped. He looked at her with his head cocked to the side and reached out to her face. With his fingertip, he brushed just under her eye.
YN held her breath.
“Y’got an eyelash,” he said softly, sitting back down but holding the lash on his fingertip for her to see. “Make a wish.”
She closed her eyes, thinking for a moment and then blowing the lash away. When she opened them again, Harry was looking at her with a gentle smile.
The moment was interrupted by Mitch handing them their schedules for the day. They were disappointed to realize the only hour in the day they would have together was capture the flag in the late afternoon - which they would also be required to participate in. That meant YN had to spend the whole day giving off fake energy for a day she didn’t really care about and Harry wouldn’t even be there to cheer her up or keep her going. It also meant more time for memories of the conversation last night to take hold in her mind and no way to clear anything up with him.
She did her best to grit her teeth and make it through. To the best of her ability, she did what she could to ensure that none of the kids knew she was dreading every moment of this day. With a smile on her face at all times, she kept campers of all ages engaged and excited and pretended like someone was actually keeping score of who was winning all the sports and games. (Yes, games. There were complaints last year that sports-only was not inclusive enough so this year they included things like competitive Apples to Apples and water pitcher chugging contests.)
And although YN didn’t exactly have a companion directly by her side all day like usual, she had to admit, being paired up with Niall for the day wasn’t so bad. She was mostly right about him being sweet and kind and full of energy. She was also right about her having to do most of the logistics and responsibility aspect of the job, but she was ok with that. He kept up the energy and she made sure no one got killed and for the most part, things seemed to be going smoothly. Only three kids had been taken to the infirmary and only one of those kids was actually injured in a way that made her nervous, so she considered that a pretty big win.
Lunch wasn’t so bad either. It was a tradition that the campers had to be silent at lunch on Color Wars day, and only the team captains could speak. That meant she couldn’t sit down and have a regular conversation with Harry because everyone could hear everything she was saying, but it meant that she got to call across the giant room to Niall and wave and make jokes about how the Blue Team was going to win. And he wasn’t Harry, but Niall definitely made her laugh quite a bit.
By the afternoon, YN was more exhausted than ever, but her mood was a little better than it had been in the morning. With a handful of fun moments under her belt, and a break from her own cabin of campers, the day hadn’t been a total loss after all. But then she twisted her ankle playing basketball causing her team to lose, and she caught three different sets of campers making out behind a fence, and her grumpiness came right back.
So when it was time for capture the flag against Red Team with Harry, YN was both annoyed in general with her day and relieved to at least get to see him. But they couldn’t even play on the same team since they were opposing team captains, which only made her crankier. Plus, YN had never seen her campers so engaged in an activity as they were when they were listening to Harry describe the strategy for the game. Which totally wasn’t fair because they never listened to her if she tried to give instructions or remind them to shower or quiet down at the end of lunch.
The game started and kids from both teams started running around the field, tagging each other and guarding their flags. Harry was deeply invested in the game, or so it seemed. He stood at the border between the two sides and instructed the campers on who should run where, who should go up against who, and what their best possibility for actually getting the flag might be.
YN, meanwhile, stayed back. She helped to guard Blue Team’s flag, which sat in the middle of a circle of bright orange cones. Her thinking was that most of the campers and staff would get tagged before they even got to her, so she wouldn’t really have to do all that much. She also thought that if she had a frown on her face or her brows were furrowed, no one would really notice because they wouldn’t really be looking at her, but looking past her to the flag itself.
When YN and Harry first made eye contact from across the field, his expression changed from one of determination to one of concern. He cocked his head to the side and mouthed “are you ok?” as best he could, and YN shrugged and nodded. He didn’t seem convinced, but a camper ran up to him to excitedly tell him a new possible strategy, and being the allstar counselor he was, Harry turned his attention to the child.
After that, they caught each other’s gaze a few times from across the field, Harry’s devious smirk growing more pronounced each time. YN couldn’t quite figure out what it meant, so she pushed the thought away and continued in the game. So far, her strategy of staying back and putting in minimal effort was working, and she was rather proud of herself for that. Maybe she could get through this game without too much difficulty, finish off the day strong, put the kids to bed, and spend time in the lounge with Harry comparing their days through laughter.
After the game had been going for nearly 30 minutes, campers were getting tired, and YN was checking her watch, she knew something big had to be coming soon. Harry was smart, and he wasn’t going to keep directing his team to be doing the same thing forever. Plus he noticed that YN wasn’t in the happiest of moods and if history meant anything, he would probably be doing something stupid to try and cheer her up pretty soon.
YN was right, as she saw Harry circle up a group of campers (mostly her cabin, who were essentially attached to him all day). They broke up their huddle and spread out and Harry counted down from three, and that’s when all of them, including Harry, ran towards the Blue Team’s side of the field. Typically he would let a camper here or there catch him and send him back to the other side to give the illusion of success, but not this time.
He swiftly dodged the many small hands reaching for him until he made it to the back side of the field. Standing in front of YN, his stance was crouched down a bit with bent knees and he looked at the game around him. His eyes then reached YN, who took his same stance mockingly.
“Think you can get past me, Styles?”
“Maybe.” His dimples were on full display.
“Can’t get the flag for yourself, gotta let a camper get it. Come on, thought you were better than this.”
Harry shrugged. “Maybe I am.”
He looked around again, and when he saw that several of his team’s campers had made it to the far end of the field with him, he called out to them “NOW!”
One foot in front of the other, he ran directly at YN rather than trying to get around her.
“Harry what are you - HARRY!” she called out as he wrapped his arms around her waist, picked her up, and carried her over his shoulder and away from her guard post, legs kicking out and arms whacking his back.
“Harry put me down!” she called out through a laugh.
“NO! This is for Red Team!”
He carried her as close to the edge of the field as he could before dropping to his knees, placing her on the ground on her back, and pinning her down. He sat on top of her, legs on either side of her hips. Smile on full display, dimples deeper than she had probably ever seen, and eyes bright and mischievous, he held her there giggling at his own strategy.
YN was lost in his eyes at this point, no longer paying almost any attention to the game at hand. Later on, someone could tell her that actually a meteor had struck the middle of the field and everyone had passed out and she probably wouldn’t have noticed. She was too busy gazing up at the best view she had seen in ages - Harry’s excited, devious, cute face.
“Let me go!” she called out, though she didn’t really mean it.
“Never!” he answered.
She started flailing her arms around, pushing on his shoulders in a last-ditch attempt to get him off of her, but he only grabbed her hands in his own and raised them above her head, pinning her down completely. He was bent over at the waist, their faces closer than before. They sat there for a moment then, both of them laughing. YN’s cheeks were starting to hurt from the strain of her own smile.
But then something strange happened. Harry’s face dropped, and he suddenly looked much more serious. His gaze traveled to where their hands clasped together above her head, down to her face, along her torso, eventually making his way back up to her eyes.
“Shit, can’t wait till we’re alone...so much I wanna do to you right now...” he whispered with a deeper inflection to his voice than usual.
YN’s smile fell then too as her gaze traveled along his body, landing at the spot where they were connected but saying nothing.
Harry closed his eyes for a moment before inhaling deeply and looking back at her.
“Y’alright though? Didn’t hit the ground too hard did you?” he changed the subject.
“I’m fine, Harry,” she responded, still smiling.
Harry nodded, looking away from her for a moment to gauge what was happening in the game.
YN took her opportunity then, gathering her strength and rolling them both over in the grass until he was on his back and she was on top. Smiling back on her face, she bit down on her bottom lip as she took control of the situation.
And maybe this wasn’t the smartest move YN could have made. Maybe rolling around in the grass until she was sitting on top of Harry, her center resting over his hips, hands held together next to his head, wasn’t the greatest thing to be doing in the middle of the day around a group of campers. And maybe relaxing her waist and putting more pressure on him when she already knew he was at least a little bit turned on wasn’t the most appropriate thing she could have done to her best friend. But she did it, and the look on his face when he closed his eyes tight and let out a breath was all the reward she needed.
“Fuck, YN,” he groaned out, still quiet enough that no one else could hear but her. “Y’gonna kill me, y’know that?”
She felt him then, solidly beneath her, right where she always secretly wanted him to be, and her eyes went wide at the realization of what she was feeling.
“Shit Harry I - I’m sorry I’ll get up, I’ll -”
“No!” he cut her off. “If you... if you get up now then everyone will see that I’m...”
“Oh... yeah lemme just...” she shifted her weight onto her knees so she was hovering above him then, quickly missing the sensation of him between her thighs but immediately feeling guilt over the thought of her best friend.
“Just... just need a minute,” he told her, eyes squeezed tight.
YN looked up then as she heard screaming from the other end of the field. Harry’s strategy had worked and one of the girls had carried the flag back to Red Team’s side leading to a celebration.
“Think of Niall snoring,” she told him quietly, hoping it would solve his problem before they had to take over responsibilities as captains again. Her suggestion made him laugh.
So, maybe the day hadn’t been a complete waste after all. YN was undoubtedly in a much better mood after their little moment on the field, which was a good thing considering neither blue or red won, but actually it was the green team who was announced as the winner of the day just ahead of dinner time.
YN’s campers spent the evening telling her about their day with Harry. Apparently, he was significantly more fun than they realized, he helped them win lots of games and encouraged them. They were arguing over who got the most high-fives from him and the little one bragged that she even got to give him a hug! He was so muscly but also soft! And his arms were bigger than my face! YN smiled as she heard them recount their stories. Harry was always so good with the kids, knowing when to be kind and gentle, when to give some tough love, and when to make them laugh.
“You’re so lucky you’re dating him, YN,” one of the campers said that night before bed.
“I told you a million times, we’re not dating.”
“Whatever... you spend a lot of time with him and he obviously likes you.”
“And we saw you fighting with him on the field during capture the flag! He was smiling with dimples and everything!” another one called out from her bunk.
“I don’t know what you think you saw,” YN started, “but I’ve told you a million times, we aren’t dating.”
She turned off the lights shortly after that, and luckily the kids were pretty wiped out after the exciting day. It was Sarah’s turn for bedwatch so YN changed into her comfy sweatpants and snuck out the door quietly. Harry hadn’t made a plan with her for that night, but she knew he would be off that night too, and likely in the staff lounge with most of the other counselors.
The stars were bright that night, brighter than usual it seemed. YN almost walked into a tree three separate times on her way down to the staff lounge because she was so distracted by the shapes in the sky. She realized then that they never actually did any stargazing the other night. Maybe she could get Harry to join her in that tonight instead.
She heared the laughter before she even opened the door of the small structure. Inside, something like ten other counselors were sitting in a circle, sharing snacks and laughing about their day. Harry’s face snapped to the door as soon as she opened it, his smile growing big across his face as he scooted over on the old couch to make room for her to sit next to him. YN could feel the tension releasing in her shoulders at the sight of him, realizing that she could have her buddy back and feel a little less alone again.
“YN, just in time!” Adam called to her from across the circle. “We were gonna start playing truth or dare.”
“What are we, 15?” YN teased.
Adam shrugged. “Maybe those teenagers got something right about a fun way to spend the night together.”
Harry draped his arm around the back of the couch then, making space for YN to move in a bit closer to him. His body heat radiated off of him and warmed her on the chilly night. She wanted nothing more than to cuddle into him for real, rest her head on his chest and listen to his heart beat as he spoke soothing words to put her to sleep. Maybe his arm would come down from the couch and wrap around her to keep her securely next to him and he would give a kiss to the top of her head and she closed her eyes.
YN visibly shook her head to get the thoughts to dissipate.
The game started then, going around in a circle. It felt like they were teenagers again - daring each other to kiss and making each other share embarrassing stories or fantasies. Adam apparently had a thing for fucking doggy style and Niall admitted that he had hooked up with two girls in one day one time.
When it was Harry’s turn, he picked truth. Adam started snickering right away.
“I’ve got a good one,” he declared to the group. “Would you ever hook up with YN?”
Her heart dropped. She didn’t want to hear the answer. If the answer was no, she would be at least a little heartbroken to know that she had absolutely no chance, and none of what he had been saying the past few days really held any weight. And it would be so completely embarrassing for that to come out in front of so manypeople, who would no doubt see her face fall a slightly and read into it and maybe realize that she kind of liked him and-
Harry looked down at her with a soft smile before looking back at Adam across the room. He shrugged a bit, dropping his arm from the back of the couch down to rest around her shoulder.
“Sure, why wouldn’t I?” He admitted.
YN was a bit in shock, but she tried her best not to show it. She felt every muscle in her body tense up and her brain was on fire.
The group around them started chatting and joking about the answer, and Harry leaned down to whisper into YN’s ear.
“Are y’alright? That wasn’t too..?”
“No... yeah... I’m...I’m good,” she told him with a forced smile.
Harry dropped his brows. “Y’cold?” he asked, seemingly looking for an answer to why she seemed so uncomfortable.
“No, I’m fine H.”
“YN, it’s your turn!” someone called out, bringing her attention back to the group.
“Um... truth I guess?” In all honesty, YN was a bit afraid after that last question that if she had chosen dare they would dare them to kiss and although she had imagined that moment a million times, she didn’t want it to happen like this. If it was going to happen, she wanted it to happen for real.
“And you have to ask her a different question!” someone clarified.
The group seemed to be thinking to themselves for a moment, trying to come up with a good question before Niall spoke up.
“I got one - YN, tell us about the first time a guy made you cum?”
She immediately felt the blood rushing to her cheeks as she looked down at her lap. Of course, she didn’t want to answer the question, but she didn’t want to cause a scene either. Maybe she could lie. Make up some guy from college who theoretically rocked her world and call it a day. But the point of the game was to tell the truth and she was shit at lying and a stickler for following the rules. The whole room was staring at her, the pressure intensifying with every second. She squeezed her toes, desperately wishing at that moment she could simply disappear and none of this would matter anymore.
Harry’s arm flexed and held her tighter against him as he spoke up.
“She’s not gonna answer that one, ask something else,” he said.
“That’s not fair, it’s the point of the game. Come on, we all shared,” Adam insisted.
YN looked up at Harry, silently begging him to do something. And it was like he could read her mind.
“I said she’s not answering. Either ask another one or we’re leaving.” His voice was deeper and stronger than usual, and all signs of his typical smile vanished completely from his face.
“What, you’re not a virgin are you?”
“No! I’m not it-it’s just...” she couldn’t find the strength to say anything. Luckily, Harry came to her defense again.
He stood up suddenly, grabbing her hand in his and standing up suddenly.
“C’mon, we’re leaving. You don’t have to answer that,” he told her. “She’s not answering it,” he repeated again to the room as he started walking them towards the door.
She did her best to look apologetic to the rest of the group, but when they reached the night air outside and the door closed behind them she let out a sigh of relief. They walked down the hill a little way before Harry stopped, wrapping his arms around her neck and pulling her in close. He always knew exactly what she needed.
“Thank you, H,” she whispered into his chest, arms secured around his lower back. He was wearing an old cozy sweatshirt and she wanted to crawl up inside of it.
His hand started to rub up and down her back. “Of course. Stays between us, right?” He reminded her of his promise the other day. “Still gonna make sure that happens for you this summer though.”
YN knew exactly what he was suggesting, and she felt herself blushing again as she considered Harry somehow fulfilling his promise to give her a partner-induced orgasm before the end of the summer. After everything he had said to her recently, she started to wonder what his plan was. She was grateful that her face was still hidden in their hug.
“Now,” he started softly. “What are we going to do with the rest of our night? Hm?”
YN released her arms from around his back, and Harry followed suit.
“Well I realized we never actually did any stargazing the other night, and it’s so bright tonight I thought maybe we could -”
“Yes!” Harry cut her off. “That sounds perfect. Don’t wanna walk all the way out to our spot though, mind if we go somewhere else?”
YN agreed, and Harry took her hand to lead her to wherever it was that he had in mind. She expected him to let go after a few steps, but he didn’t. Instead, their hands dropped between them and he held onto her tight. His hand was large and warm around hers. Occasionally his thumb would rub up and down the back of her hand.
The walk was nice, and peaceful. She always loved walking through camp at night but it was ten times better with Harry. In the quiet between them, she let her mind wander to happy memories of summers past. The time she watched Harry win a hotdog eating competition in the dining hall. The time she almost fell on her roller skates but Harry reached her right in time so he fell on his ass but she fell only on him. The time YN attempted to play frisbee with him on the field, but accidentally threw the disk into the forest and it took Harry 15 minutes to find it and come back. The time they discovered mint growing down by the creek and picked some to put in their water bottles. The time when they were kids and YN tried so hard to teach Harry to properly dive, but he was a terrible pupil and ended up smacking his face on the water every time.
She had memories with other friends too, sure. But it was those moments with Harry - some special and some rather mundane - that stuck out to her the most. It was him she thought of when they passed each of those locations in the still night, bright stars overhead, and hands clasped together.
“Can practically hear you thinking,” he broke the silence.
She looked up at him with a soft smile. “Yeah, but good things though. I promise.”
Harry hummed in response as they turned the corner and reached the field. “Thought we could hike up to the cliff, stargaze from there. Know it’s dark but it’s not far and I’ve got a flashlight,” he suggested.
She realized then that he must’ve been somehow planning this because he never carried anything with him that he didn’t absolutely need. YN agreed and followed him to the small trailhead at the corner of the field. They started hiking up the narrow path, hands never releasing from one another.
They had hiked this trail dozens of times - a signature hike that was practically a requirement for any camper. But neither of them had ever done it at night. Harry led the way, scanning the trail with his flashlight and warning YN of rocks on the path or roots sticking up. He pushed low branches out of their way and tested the bigger rocks for stability, only allowing her to cross over them when he was convinced she would be safe.
Eventually, the trees parted way and opened up to a small clearing at the top of the cliff. From the edge, they could see the entire camp by the light of the moon. Harry stood behind her, holding her close with his arms around her middle, and she relaxed back into him. Her head rested on his chest and she let out a deep breath.
“Don’t think I’ve ever been up here at night,” he whispered to her like it was a secret, even though they were alone.
“Me neither.”
YN was meant to be looking up at the stars, but she was so at peace in that moment she let her eyelids drop and soaked up the moment with Harry instead. He had said he liked holding her close, but she never truly appreciated how good it felt until this moment. If she could freeze time and live in one moment forever, she’s pretty sure she would choose this one.
They were silent for a while, appreciating the moment together. Harry’s thumb stroked up and down her tummy a bit, and YN moved her hands to hold Harry’s arms. He was soft, and warm, and strong, and safe. The entire universe could melt away leaving just the two of them, and YN would still be happy to be standing there together.
After a few minutes of quiet, she opened her eyes. Adjusting to the moonlight, she blinked a few times, letting out a contented sigh.
“Harry?”
“Yeah?”
“I like when you hold me close too,” she admitted.
“Good,” he answered. “Because I think I want to start doing it a lot more often.”
YN turned around to face him without removing leaving his grasp. He had a pout, clearly disappointed that she was no longer resting up against him.
She leaned her head back and looked up at him to ask, “What do you mean when you say those things, H? Like when you said you wanted to be everything for me, or you were selfish and I’m yours. Or on the field, you said you wanted to do things alone?”
Harry sighed, a smile on his face as he shook his head at her. “You ask all these questions, YN. Thought I was making it pretty obvious.”
“Making what obvious?”
“That... that I want you.”
They were whispering, even though no one was within earshot. Harry used one hand on her lower back to press her closer to him, and lifted the other to rest his palm on the side of her face, his thumb rubbing softly at the apple of her cheek.
“Want me how?” she asked, breathless.
“Want you like this.”
He looked down to her lips, then back up at her eyes. Closing the distance between them, his soft lips touched hers. The gesture was gentle, careful, both of them holding their breaths. She melted into his touch and reached out for his body bringing one hand to his hip and the other to his chest. When his lips began to move, her hand grabbed at the top of his shirt, bringing him in even closer.
Harry took the lead in parting slightly, their lips still brushing as he spoke.
“You’ve no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”
“Really? I... I never thought that you would want this... with me.”
He looked at her quizzically, head cocked to the side. “Why not?”
“Well... because you’re you, and I’m me,” she explained like it was obvious.
“What does that mean?”
“It means... Harry, you’re cute, and you’re sweet, and you have that accent, and you could get anyone you want. You kissed all my friends and never made a move on me so I just figured....”
“YN,” Harry started, shaking his head. “That is so... stupid. I never did that with you because... you were always worth too much to me. Those girls... I kissed them once and then never talked to them again. Or we hooked up a few times and then things got weird. I didn’t... even back then I knew you were more important than that, I didn’t want to lose you. Been thinking about this for years but you... you always turned me down.”
“Turned you down?” she asked, confused now. “You never even...”
“Babe, all those nights we went stargazing? You wouldn’t even touch my hand or give me a hug! I tried so many times but eventually, I just gave up and... I figured I’d rather have you as my friend than not have you at all. Or even the other night, outside your cabin. I told you I wanted to be everything for you, and you just hugged me and said I was a good friend. I’ve always been here. I’ve been right here waiting for you.”
YN was shocked at the revelation but did her best to hide it.
“You are... everything to me. Really.”
“For so long I thought you would never see me as anything else,” he admitted to her. “But now that I know that you... I’m never going to let you feel alone, ever again. I promise.”
“Well... let’s make up for lost time then.”
He didn’t answer, only leaned back in and started kissing her again, this time with a little more force. His right hand supported her jaw while his left traveled down to her hips where he used his leverage to pull her in tighter against him. YN let out a little gasp when she felt her core right up against him, and he used the opportunity to slip his tongue between her lips. YN took to it naturally, her heart fluttering as he squeezed at her hip and let his other hand move back into her hair.
“Harry,” she breathed out as he took a moment to catch his own breath.
“I know,” he responded before diving back in.
They continued like that for a while, hands wandering, lips and tongues working together. She could’ve sworn she heard him let out a few little sounds, but it might have been a trick of her brain when some birds called out overhead. His body was warm, and cozy, and safe. And he was really good at what he was doing.
A gust of wind passed over them, causing YN to shiver a bit. Harry stopped then, a look of concern on his face.
“Y’cold? Can have my jacket if you want,” he offered.
“No, I’d rather just... just keep holding me.”
So he did. They stood there together, at the top of the cliff overlooking the whole camp, and held each other close - YN’s back leaning against Harry’s front and her head resting on his shoulder. Their breaths synced up and YN turned her attention to the sky, where it was meant to be all along. And they stayed like that, close and warm and content until YN looked down at her watch and noticed it was almost staff curfew.
“Should probably head down now,” she said.
“Yeah...” he agreed but didn’t move. “Just... lemme stay like this for a couple more minutes.”
. . .
YN couldn’t stop smiling. It was plastered across her face all day, and only got wider when she saw Harry or remembered last night. She was in a great mood in the morning, a time that she was usually a little bit grouchy. And had almost too much enthusiasm when her campers won a basketball game. At pool time, she actually changed into her bathing suit and played with the kids, jumping and diving in and taking silly pictures.
Harry was being sweet on her all day too. At breakfast, he made her coffee and let her eat off of his plate. He disciplined a camper so she didn’t have to when they were refusing to clear off their lunch plate. And he sat next to her during every program and activity - which wasn’t different from normal, but given what had just happened, it felt different to YN. Some little empty spot inside of her heart that had been there for as long as she could remember felt like it had been filled with a magic, sparkling warmth that only Harry could give her. She remembered how Harry had told her that night behind the cabin that he knew she was lonely, and YN knew in that moment that she was never going to feel lonely again. Not as long as Harry was around.
Like every day, the campers pestered her about Harry, but she indulged them a smidge more. When they giggled over how cute he was she casually agreed, and when they asked what his hugs were like she described them as solid and warm and safe. When they asked if they were dating, she still said no but she said it with a bit more of a smile than usual.
In the early afternoon during art time, the girls were working on ceramics and the boys were having a turn at tie-dye. YN doesn’t always participate in these activities with the campers, often taking the time where they are being supervised by additional staff to take a step back and relax or gossip with Harry. But he was heavily engaged in helping his kids with their tie dye (mostly making sure they didn’t squirt dye at each other) so YN decided it was as good a time as ever to try her hand at making a pot. There was definitely some trial and error involved, and when Harry walked over to check on her “need some water or anything?” she couldn’t stop herself from dabbing a spot of wet clay onto his nose, both of them giggling.
They sat together during the daily staff meeting, Harry’s arm securely around YN’s shoulder as Mitch droned on with information that they were meant to be listening to. She had to resist the urge to melt into his side the same way she melted into him while held her on the cliff the night before. In all honesty, she hardly paid any attention to the meeting. Her mind was too busy replaying visions of her and Harry hiking, looking at the stars, kissing...
Harry stood up, shaking YN out of her thoughts as the meeting ended. He turned around to look at her with a soft smile.
“So, steal some snacks? Watch TV in the lounge?” he suggested.
“No, let’s... let’s hang out in my cabin.”
Harry’s smile grew wider as he knew exactly what she was thinking. They walked up the hill hand in hand, giggling as they fell through the doorway of the cabin, trekking over the messes left by campers after weeks of not cleaning. They made it to the front of the cabin and stood in front of her bed.
Hooking his fingers into her belt loops, he pulled her in closer to him so their centers matched. Her breath was heavy as she looked into his eyes and started giggling softly, one hand on his bicep and the other resting over his heart. Matching her energy, Harry placed a few pecks on her lips before leaving short kisses on the tip of her nose, her cheek, her forehead. Her laughter grew with his every touch and she felt the butterflies in her tummy dancing like fireworks.
Stopping for a moment, Harry backed up and tilted his head, hearts in his eyes as he admired YN who started blushing uncontrollably.
“Y’so.... fuckin’ beautiful, shit,” he murmured under his breath. Her blush grew even deeper.
“Shut up and kiss me,” she responded, moving her hand from his arm to bury her fingers in the hair at the back of his head.
“Alright.” With a smile, he dove back in, kissing her deeply.
The night before on the cliff was gentle, timid, unsure, and soft. But this time was eager and hungry. One of his hands stroked up her side, thumb gently passing over the side of her breast and then snaking around to her upper back, where he used his new leverage to push her even closer to him. His other hand remained on her hip, squeezing tightly, and she hoped there might be faint bruises left over.
As they stood there together, making out in an empty cabin in the middle of the day, YN was the happiest she could ever remember being. Historically, she had not always loved making out compared to other acts she could be doing instead, but with Harry, she would take whatever he would give her. His lips were soft and plush, his body was warm, and she never felt more wanted than in that moment with him.
He let his hand wander from her hip around her back to appreciate her ass. Squeezing one cheek lightly, the tips of his fingers reached below the frayed hemline of the shorts and came in contact with her soft skin.
“Fuck, babe. Driving me crazy running ‘round in these things,” he groaned against her lips.
She giggled in response, becoming pliant as he turned their bodies similarly to how they navigated the platform on the ropes course, and the back of her knees hit the edge of her bed. Their lips broke for a moment as she rearranged herself to be lying down on the twin-sized mattress. Harry followed her, his left arm supporting his body on the bed next to her shoulder and his right hand finding its place on her jaw. He hovered above her, tilting her chin up to meet his as he reconnected their lips.
That’s when she felt his hips drop down to meet hers. She let out a small gasp into the kiss as she felt the extent of his excitement, and he chuckled under his breath in response. They tried not to break their lips apart, but when he rolled his hips into hers, she couldn’t help but let out a shallow breath, mouth open wide.
“Fuck...so much I wanna do... don’t know where t’start,” Harry admitted, lips brushing up against YN’s.
“Harry, I’m gonna be honest, I’m so fucking wet right now I don’t even care what you do but if you don’t do something right now I’m going to literally die,” she begged.
He laughed a bit at that, shifting his body enough to leave a soft kiss on her forehead.
“Want me to take care of you?” he asked.
“Please.”
“How much time do we have left?”
YN looked at her watch. “A little over 40 minutes.”
“Ok,” he nodded, gears clearly spinning as he thought through his plan. “I can work with that. But next time,” he raised a brow, making sure she was looking at him before repeating himself. “I can make that work, but next time we’re gonna go slow, alright?”
She nodded her head eagerly, still desperate for him to do something, anything. To touch her or kiss her or something.
“Eager today, hm?”
“Harry, I’ve been waiting for this for so long, please just touch me.”
He laughed again, leaning down to kiss at her jaw, behind her ear, and down her neck. Desperately, he wanted to leave a mark on her pulse point but he knew better than that given the circumstances. Still, he took his time, appreciating every bit of her body that he had access to. Her shoulder, her collar bones, the top of her chest.
Finally, his hands found their way under the hem of her shirt and started to lift slowly. His touch on her skin felt like fire in the best possible way.
“Can I?” he asked. Again, she nodded her head.
She sat up a bit to help him lift her shirt up over her head, which he threw to the ground to join the rest of the mess in the cabin. Before YN could lay back down completely his hand twisted around to her back, resting flat over the clasp of her bra.
“And...?”
“Yes,” she breathed out desperately.
With a quick twist, he released the clasp and she wiggled her shoulders to help the old, unexciting bra fall down. He took it the rest of the way off of her, throwing it on the floor as well. Then he sat back for a moment, eyes glued to her body, admiring her wordlessly. YN started to squirm under his harsh gaze, tempted to cover herself with her arm.
She started to move to block his view, but he caught her hand just in time and placed it back beside her.
“No just... so pretty I jus’ wanna...” his voice drifted off and his gaze turned softer as he leaned down and started leaving kisses on the tops of her breasts.
YN closed her eyes, appreciating the feeling of his mouth on her body, finally. While his mouth focused on one side, his hand kneaded at the other until they switched. He sucked and pinched at her nipples until they were standing up proud for him to lick at. But he was moving slowly, too slowly, and they only had limited time before they had to pick up their campers from electives.
“Harry, this is great but I need you to-”
“I know,” he cut her off.
Harry left one last kiss on each breast before trailing his mouth down her stomach until he reached the top of her denim shorts. He hooked a finger beneath the waistband and looked up at her, waiting for her nod before he continued to pull down her shorts and panties in one pull. She lifted her hips to help him and he threw them onto the floor with the rest of her clothes.
“Take off your shirt,” she demanded.
He smiled, pulling his shirt from the back of his neck and tossing it aside.
“Like what you see?” he teased.
With a straight face, she responded “Yes, now please.”
Harry giggled a bit, sitting back on his knees at the end of the bed. He placed his hands on her thighs and looked up at her with a soft gaze as he left a gentle squeeze.
“Now this,” he said, dimple popping on one side, “is where I keep that promise from the other night.”
It took YN a moment to break through the fog in her brain and remember what he was talking about - a partner-induced orgasm.
“Bold of you to assume you can do it.”
“Is that a challenge? I take this very seriously,” he replied, smile still plastered across his face.
She nodded.
“Alrigh’ then, spread your legs for me darlin’,” he told her softly, dragging his hands down her thighs and helping to spread her open.
He took his place in between her legs, and exactly as he had with her chest he took a moment to admire her body in front of him.
“Can’t believe y’hid this pussy from me for so long,” he said mostly to himself, shaking his head.
YN felt the cold air meet her center and shivered.
“Won’t be cold for long, I promise.”
With that, Harry dove down and got to work. He started by licking her core up and down, appreciating it and getting a feel for her body. When he sucked lightly on her clit she felt her body jolt, completely out of her own control. And when his tongue entered her, she threw her head back on the pillow.
But the killer was when he sat up a bit to take a breath and used his hands to spread her lips apart, keeping direct eye contact with her as he let a trail of spit land right on her most sensitive spot.
“Harry,” YN said breathlessly. “It’s... it’s a lot but it’s so... fuck H... you’re doing so good you...” She could barely get a sentence out but tried her best knowing that he liked the praise.
“Y’like that? Good... you’re doing so good for me, baby.” Her body shuddered again, but this time it wasn’t from the temperature in the room. Maybe she liked the praise a little bit too.
“Harry...”
“I know baby, I know,” he whispered against her skin, not stopping his movements.
He looked right up at her then, making eye contact as he put on a show of licking at her little button. It didn’t last for long though, since she closed her eyes to cope with the pleasure she was feeling. By this point, she was squirming and wiggling beyond her control, and Harry had to place his arm over her lower tummy to help keep her still for him.
They were in a rush timing-wise, but based on Harry’s movements she would have thought they had all the time in the world. He used his tongue in long, languid strokes, his fingers assisting with her clit while he tasted her. Rubbing in slow circles, his movements somehow matched the low groans he was letting out at her taste.
“Best thing I’ve ever tasted,” he murmured under his breath before looking up at YN’s face. “Could stay down here all day, y’know that?”
“Harry, please. We don’t have much time.”
She was right, his slow movements were eating away at their deadline and if he wanted to get her to the finish line he was going to have to start working for it. He looked at the time on her bedside clock, eyes going wide as he saw that they only had 20 minutes left.
“Want you to relax for me, can you do that?” he asked her. “Only gonna work if you relax and let me work, ok?”
“I’ll try.”
“Good girl.”
She keened at the phrase, and blood would have rushed to her cheeks if it wasn’t already rushing down to her throbbing clit. A bit embarrassed, YN was relieved that Harry didn’t say anything about her reaction, but secretly hoped he noticed enough that he would at least say it again.
As he refocused again, he brought his mouth to her clit and filled her with his fingers. She hadn’t had anyone inside of her for a long time, so even though his fingers were smaller than her vibrator, the sensation took a moment to get used to. But he hardly gave her any time at all, thrusting his fingers in and out of her at a ruthless pace. Meanwhile, his lips encased her enlarged clit, sucking hard in pulses and using his tongue to circle around the area. It was a lot, and it was so good.
“Harry... I... fuck... you’re so... Harry...”
He hummed without lifting his mouth from its spot and the vibrations went straight to her core. She could feel her stomach starting to tighten up, her toes starting to curl, the muscles in her legs starting to tense. With one hand she grabbed at the sheet, the other buried deep in his hair and starting to pull. She wanted to tell him he was doing a good job, wanted to tell him she was going to cum soon, wanted to tell him ‘thank you for trying so hard’, wanted to appease the praise kink she knew he had. But in that moment her brain was relegated to a pile of mush and if she tried to say any words she was confident they would come out like gibberish.
So instead she opened her mouth, allowing her vocal cords to wake up and add some music to the heavy breathing and panting she had been doing up until that point. Her small moans did the talking for her, letting him know she was close and starting to lose control.
The octave of her sounds went up suddenly when he twisted his fingers, rubbing them against the top of her walls and finding that elusive spot that no other man had managed (or even tried) to find. Her hips started bucking towards him on their own accord, and that’s how she knew he was really going to keep his promise.
“Harry... I... Harry,” was all she could get out of her mouth prior to the flood of pleasure ripped through her body. It was completely different than the orgasms she had caused by herself. Maybe her vibrator could be a bit stronger than his fingers, but with Harry never stopping his motions, she felt grateful and happy in a way that the small robot could never make her feel. Her eyes squeezed tightly closed, head leaning all the way back to reveal her elongated neck, and she tugged even harder at Harry’s hair (which only made him moan again, increasing the sensations she was experiencing in that moment).
YN wasn’t even aware of the noises she was making or how loud she was being, even though she probably should have tried to keep quiet as the old buildings were definitely not soundproof to any extent. But in that moment none of it mattered. The only thing that mattered was Harry and the way he was making her feel.
He continued rubbing and thrusting and sucking and licking until she couldn’t take any more, whimpering as she used her grasp in his hair to push him away. She was panting, eyes still closed as she attempted to catch her breath.
Opening her eyes just in time, YN saw Harry bring his fingers up to his mouth, sucking them clean followed by wiping his shiny face on the back of her discarded shirt. He crawled up the bed to lie down next to her, and she knew she had a stupid smile on her face but she didn’t even care.
“Told you I’d make it happen for you this summer. Dream team, right?”
She giggled at that.
Looking at her watch, she realized they only had 10 minutes left until they had to be down the hill with their campers, which meant they only had 5 minutes until they had to throw their clothes back on and leave the cabin.
“Is five minutes enough for me to... for you... your turn?” she settled on, unsure of how to ask what she was suggesting.
Harry let out a short breath. “Shit, YN. After watching you do that I think I could cum in about 30 seconds. I mean. Fuck.”
YN giggled as she reached down to his tummy, spreading her fingers out to feel his soft skin and muscles before drifting lower to the top of his shorts.
“Gonna let me help, then?” she asked softly.
He nodded in response as YN hooked her fingers in his waistband and pulled his pants down. When his length sprang up and nearly hit his stomach, she had to pause. YN wanted so badly to admire his cock, to appreciate his body the way he had done for her, or maybe even more so. But they didn’t have time. She could swear it was both longer and thicker than what he had described while they were drinking a few days ago, but she could easily be remembering wrong. Regardless, it had no business being as pretty as it was. Solid, a thick vein running up the side, his head sensitive and nearly purple as he started to leak.
But right as she was about to reach for it and get to work, Harry stopped her. He grabbed her hand, bringing it up to his lips where he kissed each of her knuckles.
“Wait, no babe,” he told her. “We don’t have time and I want... I want things to always be good with us, yeah? I made you feel good, and next time it can be my turn, ok?”
With a few minutes left over, the two of them opted to stay where they were in her bed, YN resting her head on Harry’s chest and their arms wrapped around each other. This was the type of holding close she had been secretly hoping he was talking about up on the ropes course. She heard his heartbeat eventually start to slow down, and his breathing stretched out. If they had more time, they definitely would have both fallen asleep like that.
But they didn’t. With five minutes left until electives ended, at the time they should have been walking out of the door, YN and Harry groaned in a very unsexy way as they pulled themselves out of the bed. Harry threw his clothes back on quickly, but YN had to dig through her shelf to find a new shirt and make sure to hide the dirty one at the bottom of her laundry bag.
After changing, YN turned around to see Harry looking at her with a smile.
“What?”
“Nothing just...” he placed a short kiss on her lips. “Alright, now we can go.”
It was like that for a few days, then, spending that quality alone time together in her cabin during hours off. On nights off they had to get more creative with their locations - the storage room on the field, behind the infirmary, in the oversized bathroom, on a platform hidden behind some trees that no one ever used. It was risky, sure. But it was exciting, and fun, and new. YN didn’t really care where they were or what they were doing as long as they were doing it together.
Harry was so good with his words, too. So many years of practice made him great at getting her worked up just by what he said to her and how he said it. Sometimes he would whisper something naughty in her ear during the staff meeting when they were surrounded by their peers. But mostly he spoke to her in that perfect way while he was knuckles deep inside of her, or his head was buried between her legs, or his dick was inside of her mouth and his hand was on the back of her head.
They always felt like they had limited time. Even on nights off, there was a curfew and the ever-present risk of getting caught. They were hardly the first couple to hook up at camp but still, no one wanted to get caught in the act. So with the risk and time limits hanging over their heads, they never felt safe enough to really go for it, to fully give themselves to one another in the way they really wanted to.
YN didn’t mind though. Ever since that night on the cliff, she craved Harry’s lips on hers. It was like a drug. She started getting distracted while he was talking to her because instead of staring into his bright eyes, she was gazing longingly at his plush lips. On more than one occasion she caught herself right in time before leaning in to kiss him in front of campers. When they finally got to be alone, the first thing she would always do is attach herself to him by the lips and swear she would never let go.
They weren’t always being naughty while they were alone though. Oftentimes they were doing the same thing they had always been doing, just with some extra affection. They still snuck into the kitchen to steal snacks but hid in an empty room so they could give each other kisses between bites. She told him about her day with her head on his lap as he played with her hair. And she scratched his back lightly while he was face down on her bed complaining about a camper. Sometimes they held hands and walked through the forest at night, reminiscing over old memories. And a lot of the time they held each other close, cuddling warm and cozy without saying a word.
One night they decided to hike to the hidden campsite that was never used anymore and do some more stargazing together. They sat down on a big rock and Harry wrapped his arm around YN to hold her close and keep her warm. Like they always had, they would point out shapes in the stars to each other, discussing the universe or whatever else was on their minds. But what was on their mind tended to be them together, and in between, they couldn’t keep from kissing each other. YN even caught Harry looking at her when she was trying to point out a puppy she had found in the stars.
“H, you’re not looking,” she chastised him softly.
“I’m looking right where I wanna be, babe.” He left a kiss on her cheek before finally turning to see where she was pointing to.
And when it was quiet, they would talk about the future. They discussed their career paths, and how YN always wanted a little home with a picket fence and a dog. And Harry told her about the garden he always dreamed of when he was little. She told him about the cities in America she was considering when it was time to leave camp and start a year-round job, and Harry desperately tried to convince her that London was better.
“But it’s so foggy and gray, Harry,” she had complained.
Harry shrugged. “Sure it’ll brighten up if you’re there. You’ll see. I’m taking you in September, and don’t even try to stop me.”
And she didn’t. She loved the idea of getting to visit London with Harry, finally seeing the places he had been telling her about for years. But mostly she wanted to see him in his other comfort zone - camp was definitely a home to him but his real home, she was sure, would bring out something else in him that she might not have been able to see yet. And she always wanted to see more of him.
One day they decided to do things a bit backward. Instead of sneaking out at night, they each slipped out of their cabins early in the morning, before the sun was up. YN was giggling to herself when she found Harry at the trailhead for the cliff in the corner of the field. They were each still in their pajamas, wrapped up in sweatshirts and bracing the chilly morning air. They made it up the hill in time to watch the sunrise over the camp together. The wind was sharper up there, so YN brought herself close to Harry, hugging him tightly and tucking her head under his chin. He held her close, rubbing up and down her back to help keep her warm as they looked out at the pinks and oranges in the sky together before quickly hurrying back down and into their cabins before anyone could realize they were missing.
YN was notoriously not a morning person, but it was impossible to say no to Harry if he suggested something so special. To make it up to her, he had her coffee and breakfast waiting for her in the cafeteria that morning.
Even in her sleepy state, Harry was able to make her laugh at breakfast that morning. They always laughed together, but in the recent days since they kissed they had been laughing even more. It was a big lift, considering Harry had been making her laugh for years. But for some reason, every word that came out of his mouth seemed funny, and she couldn’t keep herself from giggling. She was just as bad as some of her campers, except they would run away as the giggles broke out. With nowhere to run, YN was relegated to childish laughter right in front of Harry. But he never seemed to mind. She could swear it made him smile deeper.
Harry took that laughter to heart, apparently. Because after his little move at capture the flag worked on her, he was desperate to catch YN like that again. He practically chased her around the pool until the lifeguard actually blew a whistle at them. She slowed down to a walk, but not for long as he rushed up beside her, grabbed her by the waist, and jumped into the deep end with her screaming. They came up for air laughing and gasping for breath. YN tried to shove him a bit, but Harry just swam away, daring her to catch him.
And YN didn’t hold back anymore, either. Not that she really was before. But when he walked into dinner wearing a yellow shirt that showed off his honey skin tone and gray shorts that were a bit shorter than his regular tan line, she couldn’t control herself.
“You look hot,” she told him after looking around to make sure no one was in earshot.
He shrugged. “I was out in the sun all day. Here I got you that salad dressing you like,” he said, passing a plate over to her.
Harry had always taken care of her, asking if she needed water, reminding her to grab a jacket. He redoubled his efforts in that area. Refilling her water for her when the line at the fountain was long, reminding her to actually eat her meals when she got distracted by a needy camper, even bringing an extra one of his sweatshirts one evening because he knew that no matter how much he reminded her, she would always forget how chilly it gets once the sun goes down. The effort was big enough that YN noticed, like really noticed. And for the first time, she realized that he had been doing some of these things all along. And maybe if she wasn’t so dense she would have noticed that he didn’t just treat her so well because they were best friends, but because he cared so deeply for her that he couldn’t help it.
YN did nice things for Harry as well. In addition to the onslaught of hugs he was receiving, she gifted him the clay pot she had made in art a few days prior. She painted it rainbow, and when she gave it to him she promised that on their next day off they would buy potting soil and a nice plant to grow in it. She snuck some of his dirty clothes into her bag when it was girls’ laundry day and he was running out of clean socks. Over the years she had made Harry countless friendship bracelets, but it was always because he asked her. Now she was making him one of the biggest she’d ever made and wouldn’t even let him pick the colors because the colors are based on my impression of your aura. You can’t give me any hints.
The campers definitely noticed that something had changed between them as well, but for once, YN didn’t really mind their badgering. She started answering their questions a little bit more coyly. Instead of saying no when they asked if she was dating Harry, she would respond “well, what did I say last time? Do you think anything is different than the last hundred times you asked?” They were so intrigued by him, begging and begging for him to come by their cabin in the evening again, that YN finally relented and invited him to bring his guitar to sing lullabies.
That night was a good deal for YN anyway. She got to spend more time with Harry, listen to his beautiful singing voice, and even put her campers to bed earlier than usual. His voice was nothing short of angelic to her ears, and apparently, the kids agreed. Most of them drifted off within fifteen minutes of his arrival. And although he was technically supposed to be singing to the campers, he spent most of the time looking directly into YN’s eyes. After most of the campers had drifted off, he played both Landslide and The Chain by Fleetwood Mac, which YN knew were two of his all-time favorite songs. His voice was soft and calming as YN eventually tucked herself into bed.
Before he left, Harry gave YN a kiss on the top of her head.
“Sleep well, baby,” he whispered to her, careful not to let any lingering ears hear the pet name.
Already under the blankets and cozy, YN decided it was probably best to call it an early night. Not long ago she had been kept up late because she was thinking of Harry - but this night, she felt comforted and safe even just by the memory of him being there. She imagined he was in the bed with her, innocently cuddling up close to each other. That night she dreamt of his voice singing only to her while she rested her head on his chest, his arms embracing her, warm under the blanket in a room by themselves.
It might have been fun and games for the campers, but trouble came in the form of other staff noticing that things were changing. No one could really point to anything in particular because if they said it out loud, it sounded like the kind of stuff they always did - sitting together at meals, gossiping during programs, spending nights off together. What had changed was in the unspoken moments - the way they looked into each other’s eyes, the vibe let off while they were together.
It had gotten to a point where Mitch had actually reprimanded the two of them for spending too much time together and not enough time with their campers. They tried to argue that they were often together because they were with their campers, but it was to no avail. The ultimatum was that if they weren’t sitting with their campers at the next meal time, they wouldn’t be allowed in the same age group next session. And that was a risk neither of them were willing to take, especially not now.
So they sat at the table eating their soggy tacos for lunch surrounded by 11 and 12-year-olds and pretending like everything was exactly the same. YN tried desperately to follow the stories the kids would tell, to understand the gossip they were spinning, but she always lost her way. Harry, on the other hand, was right there with them. He really shined while he was doing his job. He listened, he made them laugh, and he gave great advice. The girls were still coming up to him with random questions after his promise to always be honest with them after that first night in the cabin.
And honestly, even while YN was surrounded by kids, she had a pretty narrow vision of Harry. She was practically blinded by the light he was letting off. Multiple times the kids had to reach around her to pass the sauce because she wasn’t paying enough attention. And normally she would have felt guilty - she really prided herself on her job as a counselor. But at this point, she didn’t really care as much as she cared about listening to whatever words came slowly dripping out of Harry’s mouth.
So they met the ultimatum, but only barely.
At dinner, Mitch instructed them to sit completely separately from each other. They needed to show the campers that you should be friends with everyone! And as hard as it was, both of them knew they had to do it. A little time apart would be ok. And they weren’t truly apart anyway, they were only sitting at different tables for one hour for dinner. How bad could it be?
YN honestly thought it wasn’t too bad at all. At first, she was frustrated because after spending days completely absorbed in Harry, the thought of losing one of their favorite moments of the day together was going to be difficult. But she ended up sitting with a group of campers and Niall, and she already knew he could be fun after they were color wars captains together. He was funny and made her laugh with his dramatic stories and big gestures. The kids ate up every word that came out of his mouth (including when he told them to eat their vegetables).
“Y’know,” he turned to her when the kids were mostly distracted. “On color wars day, when we went back to the cabin after lunch, he was all mopy and grumpy,” Niall told her.
“Really?”
“Oh yeah. But he always gets like that when you’re not around.”
This was news to YN, but she couldn’t say she was surprised. She often felt out of sorts when they were separated too, and after the way he had been treating her so sweetly recently...
“He was so cranky I had to mess with him so of course I put a peeled banana in his pillowcase that night. Didn’t laugh as much as I had hoped but, it helped.”
YN laughed at the story, and she kept laughing as Niall told her about more pranks and jokes he had pulled on Harry and others. And because she couldn’t see the look in Harry’s eyes from across the room as he watched her laughing at Niall’s jokes, she thought everything was fine and dandy. She happened to be standing next to Niall during closing circle that evening, and while the arm around her waist wasn’t Harry’s, it was nice being supported by someone over the age of 12. When the song ended, the kids all started to hug each other goodnight, so naturally, YN gave Niall a quick hug and then sought out Harry who was on the other side of the room.
YN was excited to get a moment to talk with Harry after being separated from him for most of the day, but as she approached him she saw a deep furrow in his brow. Her smile dropped quickly as she cocked her head to the side, questioning him.
“Why’re you so grumpy?”
“Not grumpy,” he denied, voice deeper than usual.
She smiled then, reaching up to push back a curl of his hair that had fallen in front of his eyes. Grabbing his face lightly, she used her thumbs to try and smooth out the crinkle in his brow. His gaze softened a touch, but not as much as she had hoped.
“Definitely grumpy about something...”
He sighed. “Just... I mean just because we weren’t allowed to be together today doesn’t mean y’gotta be all over Niall, y’know?” he said softly so no one else could hear.
At first, YN thought he was kidding and started to chuckle. But when his expression didn’t change she realized how serious he truly was.
“Oh babe, I wasn’t all over Niall. He’s a nice friend, gives good hugs. No need to be jealous.” She used a gentle tone, hoping to soften him up a bit.
“‘M not jealous,” he insisted. “It’s just...” he grabbed her hand and pulled her body closer to his, but still not as close as she knew he wanted. Whispering in her ear he finished his sentence, “You’re mine, ok?”
“Course, H. We’re the dream team.”
“No,” he shook his head. “We’ve always been the dream team, but now you’re really mine...”
“Oh.” She didn’t know how else to respond. The comment made her insides feel like melted marshmallows and the campfire that burnt them all at the same time.
“I don’t like to share,” he admitted.
YN stood there for a moment, thinking until a lightbulb went off.
“You don’t have to share me, H. In fact... meet me by the parking lot again tonight. Think it’s a good night for our spot, yeah?”
They agreed, and YN gave him a short kiss on the cheek goodbye, immediately blushing and looking around to see if anyone saw. She thought she might be in the clear, but just in case, she started brainstorming excuses. Harry could apparently see the gears rotating in her head because he cut off her thoughts.
“Tell them it’s a British thing - they won’t know any better.”
And the line worked because the girls definitely had something to say when they were back in the cabin. They were so thoroughly convinced that YN and Harry were in love that the little one started asking things like “What’s the nicest thing he’s ever done for you?” and “Does he like to cuddle at night?” She brushed them off as usual, but it was getting harder every day to keep up the charade. Before they had gotten together it was annoying but fun to field their questions. But now? Now it was getting to be a bit of a struggle because camp rules required them to never find out the truth.
She clicked the walkie-talkie three times as she headed out the door, and smiled when she heard three clicks in return. Practically skipping down the hill, she made her way to the parking lot where Harry was already waiting for her. Although this time she was hoping he had no alcohol with him.
When they were still a few yards away from each other, YN couldn’t help but jog, jumping up into his open arms. She stood on her toes, arms around his neck, and kissed his lips eagerly. It was difficult, though, because both of them were smiling like teenagers.
“Your hair looks nice,” she told him, dragging a hand through his locks after they separated their lips.
“You’re only saying that because you want to get in my pants,” he teased.
She shrugged. “No, I think your hair looks nice and I wanna get in your pants.”
He kissed her nose sweetly and then turned his attention away from her and back to the trunk of his car.
“Listen I have a few things I thought we could bring with us...” he trailed off as he searched around in the endless dark void.
“You are not drugging me up again, Styles,” she demanded.
“Don’t worry babe, wouldn’t even dream of it. I have... ah!” He looked proud of himself as he pulled out what looked to be an old blanket.
“Y’always get cold, even with a sweatshirt, so I thought we’d bring some blankets. And I knew you’d forget your water, so I brought some extra.”
“Take such good care of me, H.”
They walked hand in hand down the path on the way to their old spot, recounting their days to one another. For the first time in a long time, they actually had new information for each other after spending some time apart. One of Harry’s boys might’ve sprained his ankle during sports time, causing a whole scene and refusing to go to the infirmary. And one of YN’s girls had gotten a crush on an older boy that she couldn’t stop talking about. Both of them, it turns out, had to field more questions than usual from their campers regarding their relationship.
“Getting harder to convince them nothin’s happening,” Harry told her. “I think they see the way I look at you.”
They reached their spot, the small stage in the middle of the clearing near the lake. Harry spread out one of the blankets he had brought and they laid down on it, on their backs so they could look up at the sky.
It was quiet, except for the rustling of the trees as the wind blew or the scurrying of a small animal a short distance away. She held his hand, interweaving their fingers as they settled into their peaceful surroundings. Even with all the other new fun things they were doing together, nothing would ever beat this - stargazing in their spot together. And for the first time in a long time, YN’s head wasn’t spinning with scenarios or ideas or questions. She was just content. Harry was with her, the stars were above her, and she was content.
“After the summer, I think we should travel together,” he stated out of nowhere.
She laughed a bit. “Sure, H. You gonna pay for that on your amazing camp salary?”
“I’ll find a way.”
It was quiet again for a moment.
“Can I wear your yellow sunglasses tomorrow?” she asked softly.
“Sure.”
Another pause.
“What do you think the stars would taste like?”
At first, she wasn’t sure if he was serious, but he asked the question softly so she considered it.
“Putting aside the fact that they’re like... fire or whatever...” they both giggled. “I think, like, metaphorically, they look like they taste like honey.”
“Honey?”
“Yeah.”
She didn’t explain. And he didn’t ask.
“Harry?”
“Yeah?”
“I like having you with me.”
“Always been here, babe. Was waiting for you to realize it.”
She rolled over, then, to give him a quick kiss on the lips, though they were both smiling through it making it a bit difficult logistically.
“I just wanna tell everyone that you’re mine,” he admitted quietly.
“Everyone?” YN started. “I think you really just wanted to tell Niall today.”
Harry laughed. “Yeah well... someone has to tell him eventually, hm?”
“Tell him what, exactly?” she challenged.
He looked at her with confusion. “That you’re mine?” His voice went up a bit at the end.
“Is that a question? What... what does being ‘yours’ mean?”
And he answered her question much like he did her question up on the cliff.
“It means this-” He rolled over, kissing her deeply and bringing his hand up to rest on her jaw.
YN wanted more answers, she wanted to get him to actually explain things for once. But more than that she wanted to keep feeling his lips on hers and his hands on her body. She would never get completely used to the feeling of kissing her best friend, but it was so good that the nerves faded away quickly.
She reached to bring one hand up into his hair and the other one around his back. He rolled further on top of her, still hovering a bit but allowing their bodies to touch. She felt surrounded by him, and his smell, and the heat coming from his body. They were rolling around making out on an old blanket atop an abandoned stage, it was comfortable, and she never wanted the feeling to end.
“Haven't... haven’t done much star g-gazing,” she stuttered between kisses.
“Fuck the stars.”
“Or you could fuck me.”
He stopped then, backing his face away from hers so he could look into her eyes. Waiting a moment, he left ample space for her to take back her comment, to say it was a joke, to withdraw consent in any way. But she didn’t. She bit her lip, staring up at him like he was the entire universe, and silently begging him to do more.
“Don’t start something you can’t finish, YN,” he replied breathlessly.
“If I can’t finish, that’s on you.”
He chuckled at her response before kissing her again, this time with more desire and urgency. Using his arms to support himself, he readjusted his legs so one was against her center, and started rolling his hips into her. She gasped into the kiss and he bit down on her lower lip lightly.
Without stopping his movements, he whispered to her between breaths. “I think... you’ve always been mine... just didn’t know how... how to tell me.”
And he wasn’t wrong in that assumption. She had always been his best friend, his default partner, his confidant, his dream team. And he was just as much hers, she just never realized that when he reminded her to drink water or gave her his sweatshirt it was because she had him utterly and completely whipped for her.
“Tellin’ you now...”
“Tell me then. Tell me you’re mine.”
He practically growled at the last phrase, digging his hips into hers with more force and causing her to gasp again. Every bit of his body felt good, and she was only barely touching him. Her grasp in his hair got tighter, and her fingers curled in to grab at his shirt on his back.
“Yours... I’m yours.”
“Fuck.” Harry hung his head low, trying to even out his breathing. “That’s by far the hottest thing you’ve ever said to me... I can’t... YN I can’t wait any longer. Gotta make you mine for real. Gotta... shit.”
“You wanna fuck me?” she filled in for him.
And again he groaned at her words. “Fuck yes, babe. I... shit I don’t have a...”
“It’s ok,” she cut him off. “I... I’ve got an IUD and I’m clean and you...”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m clean. Promise. Shit, you sure you’re ok with this?” he asked, giving her another opportunity to back out.
But she didn’t need it. She was confident that she wanted this as she had never wanted anything else before.
“I... yes Harry,” she told him. “Just...”
His head snapped up to look at her when he sensed her hesitation.
“Just haven’t done this in a while, so I might not be... I’m a bit rusty, ok?”
Harry gave a comforting chuckle.
“Baby, all you gotta do is lay there and look pretty. And you’re doing a damn good job at that. Doesn’t matter what you do, I think I’ve made it pretty clear I’m crazy for you.”
YN wasn’t typically the most assertive in sexual situations, but in this case, she couldn’t wait any longer. She used her leverage on the back of his head to bring his face down closer to hers and continue kissing him, slipping her tongue between his lips until he opened up and allowed for the intrusion. Their tongues worked together, dancing and drawing shapes around each other furiously.
Her grip in his hair tightened again and her hand on his back searched for anything to grab onto. He audibly groaned as she started scratching lightly at his skin. She used the opening to further explore his mouth with her tongue, silently begging him for more.
“Gonna... gonna fuck you so good... make sure everyone knows... knows that you’re mine,” he said between breaths.
“Yes,” she told him. “Yours... I’m yours... make me feel so good...”
He groaned at that, her words clearly affecting him as he left his spot on her mouth and allowed himself to lick and suck at the tender spots on her neck instead. At first, she let out a disappointed whine at the loss of contact, but the disappointment quickly turned into pleasure when he bit down harshly on a soft spot right below her ear.
Slowly, he continued a trail of kisses down her neck, to her chest. Her shirt was in his way and clearly frustrating him.
“Gonna take this off, ok?” he asked, pinching her shirt.
She nodded and sat up a bit to help him lift the shirt over her arms. He had seen her without it many times now, but he still stopped for a moment to stare and appreciate her body in front of him.
Mumbling to himself, she barely heard him say, “shit, y’so fucking beautiful... love y’body so much.” He said it quietly, clearly out of pure admiration.
As she was about to beg him to move, he leaned back down and picked up right where he left off, leaving small, wet kisses to the tops of her breasts. He made his way down a little lower, pulling one of the cups of her bra down and biting down a bit harder just next to her nipple. She whined lightly, but he soothed the area with kisses and then leaned back to admire his work.
He had left a deep, pretty mark, not far from her nipple where it was sure to always be covered. She felt like he was claiming her, and it felt amazing. He continued kissing around the area, hands exploring her body, but he wasn’t moving fast enough.
“Harry... please do something...”
“I am doing something,” he teased.
“Do more.”
“What do you need, darling? Tell me.”
She huffed, grip in his hair once again tightening until she heard him hiss against her skin in response to the pain.
“Touch me,” she breathed. “Need you to touch me.”
“I am touching you.”
“No... touch me... here.”
She took his hand and dragged it down her body to rest above her core. There was a heat swirling in her stomach, stronger than ever before. She could tell she was wet between her thighs and her body had never been more ready for him.
“Shit, YN,” he groaned. “This mine too?”
She nodded her head.
“No. You gotta say it... say it and I’ll touch you.”
“It’s yours.”
“What is?”
“My...my...” in most situations, she hated the word that she knew he was trying to get her to say. But for the first time, she finally understood why it could be so hot because in this moment it was the only word that accurately described not only her body but the way she was feeling. “My pussy is yours.”
And that’s where Harry just lost it. He moaned at her words, hanging his head between his shoulders for a moment to catch his thoughts and his breath, shaking his head.
“The things you do to me...” he mumbled beneath his breath. He looked back up at her, “gonna take this off, ok?” he slipped his finger beneath the waistband of her pants.
She nodded her head, and he got to work stripping her of her pants, then his own top layer of clothing until they were left in their underwear with a blanket draped over them. He kissed around the tops of her breasts before grabbing the other cup of her bra and pulling it down to match the other and expose her to him further. His tongue swirled around her nipple, hand pinching and pulling at the other one.
“Harry,” she gasped between breaths. “Feels good but... want you... please.”
“I know baby, but you know how big I am. Gotta make sure you’re ready for me,” he told her between kisses.
“I’m ready I promise I’m-”
He cut her off with a desperate kiss to her mouth. As she caught her breath, he moved a strand of hair out of her face and behind her ear.
“Know you feel ready. Just want to make sure. Wanna make my girl feel good, yeah?”
She nodded her head silently. Hearing him call her his girl did a number on her, and she felt it deep in her tummy. She was his, she had always been his, and she always wanted to be his.
Harry trailed down her body, leaving a string of kisses in his wake. The moisture from his mouth mixed with the cold night air gave her the chills so she reached for a blanket, but Harry stopped her.
“Take my sweatshirt, babe,” he whispered. “Wanna fuck you in my clothes.”
YN was completely surrounded by all things Harry, then. His blankets, his sweatshirt, his mouth. It all smelled like him and she couldn’t keep from taking a big deep breath inside of the hooded jacket. His smell was so nice - had always been comforting but now even more so. She would buy candles of it if she could.
Harry spread her legs wide, hands on her thighs and thumbs stroking over her skin gently as he looked at her.
“Look at that...” he mumbled, mostly to himself. “So pretty... look at how wet you are, how swollen that clit is. Is that all for me?” He looked back up at YN, waiting for her to answer.
She knew now that he needed to hear her words, so in addition to nodding she told him, “yes, all for you.”
“Because this is my pussy, right?”
“Yes, H. Yours. It’s yours.”
He couldn’t take it any longer and started working over her center with his mouth and his fingers.
“Gonna... make you cum... before I fuck you... make you feel good... then make you... mine,” he told her in a low voice between licking and sucking and kissing on her folds.
She let out an unconscious whimper at that. She knew he would make her feel good - he always did. But something about the way he said it this time made her eyes roll into the back of her head. In desperation, she wanted to respond to him, to hype him up and make him know how wonderful he was making her feel. But she couldn’t get the words out, whines and moans and groans taking their place.
“That’s right... good girl... let it out just like that...'' he encouraged her. “Geez, y’so fuckin’ wet for me.”
With one hand he stroked her inside walls, driving her crazy, the other sitting firmly on the inside of her thigh to open her back up again every time she tried to close around his head. His hand was a warm and comforting presence on the cold and quiet night, and she let out a gentle sigh. Her sigh was cut off though, and turned into a bit of a squeal as he sucked harder on her clit, curling his fingers inside of her and hitting her best spot. His tongue lapped at her wet folds, hungrily taking everything she would give him.
It didn’t take long - it never did with Harry. Compared to the other guys she had been with who never made her cum even once, Harry’s ability to do it so quickly and consistently blew her mind. He knew what he was doing before he even touched her, but then he took the time to learn her body too. Harry knew what she liked, what felt the best, what drove her over the edge. He knew which pulls of his hair meant she was feeling good and which meant that he needed to slow down and give her a break. He knew the way her body shuddered when the pressure was building, and he knew the way she tasted after that bubble burst.
Usually, after she finished, he would kiss back up her body until he reached her mouth and whisper sweet things to her as she came down from her high. But this time, he kept working where he was. He was gentler on her sensitive nub, but his fingers moved faster. He spread her out, opening her up for him and adding in a third finger. YN gasped at that, one hand flying to her own chest and the other finding purchase in Harry’s hair again.
“H... fuck... s’a lot... feels... a lot,” she told him from above.
“I know darling,” he comforted her, removing his mouth and leaving careful kisses at the top of her thighs. “But m’cock is gonna be even more. You still want it, right?”
He was giving her another out, an easy out, and wanted to make sure. They both knew that once you fuck your best friend, there’s no going back. But YN never wanted to go back. It didn’t even feel possible to go back. She just wanted him. And she told him as much.
“H... make me yours... I want... I wanna be yours.”
Harry sat up on his knees then, one hand with fingers still inside of her and the other getting to work on his own briefs. His cock sprang free, hard as ever and practically leaking from the purple tip. YN’s eyes went straight to it, as they always did. She could never get herself to look away. He looked too pretty. And that pretty thing was about to be inside of her.
She moaned his name, begging him to hurry up, and he got the message. Removing his fingers from her, he made a show of licking each one. He tapped her bottom lip and she opened her mouth, where he inserted his first two fingers. She closed around him and sucked lightly, tasting herself on his skin.
“Fuck,” he groaned at the sight.
“Yeah, that’s what I’m waiting for,” she teased back.
He chuckled before hovering his body over hers and lining up his cock with her center. Slowly he dragged the tip up and down her folds until she let out another little whimper.
“You want my cock?” he asked her.
“Yes.”
“Lemme hear you say it. Tell me what you want.”
She took a breath. “Want... want your cock, Harry. Want to feel you inside of me. Want-”
He cut her off then as he entered her, entering her slowly and stretching her out.
She let out little gasps as he went deeper.
“Good girl... know you can take me...”
She couldn’t help but moan at his words, but her eyes were screwed shut.
“Look at me, baby. Please...” Harry begged her softly, his words practically a whine.
Opening her eyes, she gazed up at him like he hung the stars and the moon. But when he pushed in a little further she squeezed her eyes closed again, the feeling tight and the stretch a little tingly.
“S’really big, H.”
“Relax, baby,” he whispered, kissing her forehead. “Gotta relax for me, let me in...”
She let out a deep breath signally for him to continue until she was completely full of him. Waiting a moment, he gave her time to get used to his size, and he took a moment to get used to the feeling of her around him.
“Fuck baby, ‘slike you were made for me,” he whispered into her ear.
She whined at that, and he took it as a sign to start moving. He started slowly, both of them moaning at the feeling. Dropping his head down to her shoulder, he bit down lightly, causing her to gasp. Her hands came up to his hair and his back again and she held onto him like he was going to float away if she didn’t.
“Feel so good,” he whispered. “So fuckin’ tight. So...fuck... so good... y’pussy feels like heaven. M’not gonna last very long.”
“That’s ok, just... just keep going. You’re so big... stretching me... so deep... fuck... Harry, please.”
She didn’t know what she was begging for, but she knew he would give it to her. And he did, as his hips started snapping against her harder and faster. Her moans and groans and gasps filled the air around them, but neither of them cared since they were far away enough from the rest of the camp. It was just them, under the stars, together.
“Sound so pretty,” he mumbled between thrusts as she gasped and moaned into the night air. “Best sound in the world... wanna hear that... hear you all the fucking time,” he groaned.
Harry reached down again then, rubbing her clit with his thumb as his thrusting continued. She accidentally held her breath, only releasing it when his lips met hers in a sloppy kiss. Their lips hardly even touched as they panted into each other's mouths, savoring the feeling and the moment they were having together.
Her hands frantically searched for something to grab onto on his back, but upon finding nothing she resigned to digging her nails into him lightly. Apparently, that was the right decision, because his movements only sped up more.
“Tell me how you feel,” he instructed her.
“So good... fuck H you feel... I can’t even...” she let out another gasp as his tip went deeper than ever before, and she felt his smirk against her own lips.
“Too good for words, hm?”
She nodded her head in agreement.
They were both trying to hold off for as long as possible, but with the days, weeks, and years of build-up, it was nearly impossible. Both of them knew it was going to be over soon, but neither of them wanted it to end.
“Fuck... Harry,” she moaned again as he increased the pressure rubbing on her clit. Her body reacted to the change, contracting on his dick and making him see all the stars that were never there.
“Think you can... can cum again?” he asked her.
“I don’t... maybe but...”
“Gonna make my girl cum again,” he stated, sure of himself.
“Yes, yes I’m yours,” she cried out again, followed by a long whine as the head of his cock brushed against her g-spot.
He lifted her legs then, her knees bending over his shoulders as he pushed into her again, the new angle giving him deeper access. From higher above her, he could see her breasts wiggling with the movement of her entire body. But she could tell he was looking mostly at the place where they connected, where it was wet and messy and amazing.
“Mine,” he growled again.
She nodded her head, unable to make any words come out of her mouth anymore. There was too much happening all at once. The pressure building in her lower stomach, her clit throbbing below Harry’s thumb, her walls being stretched by his length. It was so much, too much.
“Too much,” she told him.
“Want me to stop?”
“NO!”
“Then it’s not... not too much,” he concluded, never losing his pace.
“Gonna... soon... almost...” she still couldn’t get her words out, but he was able to decipher her message.
“It’s alright baby,” he whispered. “Cum for me. Want you to cum again for me. Then I’ll cum inside this pretty pussy... my pretty pussy... make you mine. All mine.”
And she completely lost it at his words. Her back arched up and she pressed up into his warm chest. Her head rolled back as much as it could on the hard surface and her eyes squeezed closed as she felt tears starting to form at the edges of her vision. The feeling was white hot, like a star exploding somewhere in distant space, a mess to experience but beautiful to the viewer.
So beautiful, in fact, that Harry let his own release go shortly after. He shot ropes and ropes of warm cum, filling her. His hips kept moving, thrusting slower but not giving up, even though he was through. She whimpered at the feeling, both of them fucked raw. When he was too sensitive and just couldn’t take it anymore, his hips eventually stilled. He kissed her neck and shoulder until he could catch his breath but made no move to slip out from inside of her. As they both caught their breaths, YN started rubbing Harry’s back lightly. He hummed at the feeling.
“Harry?”
“Yeah?”
“You never... you never answered my question?”
“Which question darling?”
YN tried to think back, her mind still foggy from the two intense orgasms.
“What do you mean when you say I’m yours?”
There was silence for a moment, their hearts beating in unison but still fast. Most if not all of his weight was on her, and his body was like a furnace keeping her warm.
“Means I get to do that again.”
“Will you still be my best friend?”
He laughed at that, before realizing she was serious.
“Of course, sweetheart. Always. Best friend, dream team, girlfriend. They aren’t mutually exclusive.”
“Girlfriend?” she asked, a cheerfulness in her voice.
“Mhmm...if that’s... if you want that?”
“Yes!” she answered quickly. “Want it with you.”
Harry smiled before kissing her lips lightly. She could see his pupils were still mostly blown out, although it might have been a reaction to the dark night around them illuminated only by the stars above, which they had stopped looking at ages ago.
“Alright then,” he started. “Looks like we should probably get my girlfriend cleaned up and ready for bed, hm?”
He made a move to change his position, to pull out of her and do what he had said, but she stopped him with a firm grip.
“Not yet, just... lemme stay like this for a couple more minutes.”
MASTERLIST | PATREON | USS TAG | WRITING TAG
Deleted Scene - Campout
Extra 1: Lemon Over Ice
#writing#uss#harry styles#harry#harry fanfic#harry styles fanfic#harry styles fanfiction#harry fanfiction#harry fan fiction#harry styles fan fiction#smut#harry smut#harry styles smut#fanfic#fanfiction#fan fiction#harry fan fic#harry styles fan fic#summer fanfic#yo
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2013 vs 2024
tbh, this is incredibly difficult for me. as a trans woman, there are certain expectations for posts like these. some gruff but sad looking man who was transformed into a happy beautiful girl via hormones. so you might think that nothing has changed. or perhaps i have gone backwards, gotten hairier, bigger, becoming even more of a man than i started off as.
this might be hard to read, so i'll put the rest under a read more. CW for homelessness, starvation, transmisogyny, and probably a few things i'm missing.
my transition has been messy. in some ways, you might say that i spent the first 25 years of my life transitioning. as a child i was efemminate, loved to play dress up and dolls, but my father was so against this that he filed a lawsuit against my mother, getting a court order forbidding her from "forcing me to crossdress." this set the tone for the rest of my childhood, which is a story i will not get into here because it is much worse than the story i'm trying to tell.
growing up in a christian fundamentalist home meant that it wasn't until much later, after my mother gained custody and i had gone on to experience even further ruination of my life, that i even learned that trans people exist. that this was a thing you could do, could be. a brief flash, something hiding behind my eyes, and i had locked it away. of course i wasn't trans. i was an athlete, a martial artist, a musician, why would i need to think about gender?
when i was 16, i joined tumblr. i saw a blooming transgender community, got to see the inner thoughts and conversations that trans people were having, couldn't avoid certain things any longer. i started to identify as nonbinary, eventually even coming out to my mother, who certainly TRIED to be supportive. it was exciting, made my heart race a little, made me scared. i had no idea what i was doing, or how my world was about to turn upside down and inside out.
the summer i turned 18, i was severely injured in a martial arts tournament. my right knee had caved in, the bone at the site of the joint crushed by a man i had thought was my friend. i didn't realize what had happened, and so didn't go to a doctor until two weeks later, at which point the damage was considered irreversible. everything i was disappeared. i lost all will to live. i stopped drawing, stopped playing music. i started drinking heavily. my family knew i was struggling but any efforts to fix the situation just made it worse. my mother and older brother had been putting more and more pressure on me to get a job and get out of the house, even though i could barely walk. my older brother told me that my mother was going to kick me out if i couldn't start contibuting. i still couldn't. i became homeless for the first time at the age of 19.
when you're homeless, it's like every single day is drawn out into countless hours, and you either have nothing to do, or far too much to do, and nothing in between. i had an online partner at the time, someone who turned out to be a chaser targeting suspiciously egg shaped men and nonbinary people, who spent the entire time getting more and more frustrated that i didn't have the time to be a fucktoy. i ended up insitutionalized for a month, after which i was kicked to the curb and left with nothing but a backpack and the clothes on my back. any journey of self discovery i may have been having was on hold until i wasn't fighting for survival.
my rescue came from a nonbinary lesbian who reached out to me. i was offered a room, a place to stay for no cost. they helped me break up with my partner. i found myself in a new sort of situationship, but at a confusing cost. why was this lesbian interested in me? was that even okay? eventually we had a conversation. they revealed to me that they had thought i was a trans woman. the fact that i had been seen as a woman hit me like a truck in a blindzone i didn't know i had.
after a difficult few days of arguing with myself, i couldn't hide from it. i was a woman. maybe i had always been a woman. a thought more terrifying than it had any right to be.
i grew my hair out. i started shaving. after a few months, i was even able to book my first HRT appointment (thank you state of washington trans healthcare laws). i came out to my mother a second time, and her reaction was much different this time. maybe due to the distance that had grown between us, the past hostility that left scars still bleeding, but i suspect it was because telling her that her firstborn son was actually a woman was much scarier to her than telling her that i didn't really care about gender.
this photo is from the day that i had my first HRT appointment. my soft chin, once a weakness, could be bared proudly, the ambiguity in my face becoming something that i cherished.
a year later, i had the longest hair of my life. if i shaved and wore makeup, and dressed right, i could get gendered correctly so long as i didn't speak. in that regard, i was truly getting the full experience of womanhood. my relationship with my partner was going strong. i thought that i had found my forever.
things got messy. you will probably hear me say this again. you won't find many better ways to describe my life, other than messy. my partner had always been polyamorous, but i was not, and had not ever pretended that this was not the case. so when one of my partners friends confessed her love to them, they went into panic mode. suddenly they were pushing everyone away, reverting to old bad habits and anxieties, and our relationship began to fall apart.
the friend, we'll call her A, pretended to move on, started dating someone else. my own friendship with A was strained by the situation, and her new partner, a butch lesbian named rowan, seemed to be suffering for it. i realized that the only way our relationships could survive was if we tried to work out an agreement to polyamory. in the end that wasn't enough, but i was desperate. i was starting to see the cracks, realizing that if this fell apart, i would be homeless again. my leg injury had already been so badly worsened from my first experience with homelessness, i knew that going through it again would be the end of me.
since my partner and A were now seeing each other, i began to get ignored. the only time either of them spent talking to me was talking about each other, either joyous or trying to fix some new problem. at this point, i started getting to know rowan. we had a lot in common, i had never talked to a butch before, let alone known one, and seeing the way that they navigated gender made me jealous. i didn't know why.
more and more, rowan and i were separated from the broader relationship, and as we talked more, something developed. i had already felt it the first time we spoke, on some level, but it had grown and grown, from respect, to admiration, to desire and love. we were in a polyamorous relationship after all, so it made sense to me. but shortly after, when i told my partner what i was feeling, they freaked out. this wasn't the agreement, they had only agreed to them being able to date other people, didn't think that it would need to be specified because i wasn't polyamorous.
the entire relationship falls apart and we go back to being two separate couples, and the end of that came swiftly after. they cheated on me with A, and when i found out, that was it. my now ex partner told me that i could stay at the apartment until the lease ran out, and they would move back in with their parents. they took all the furniture, i was left with an ancient computer, a blanket, some clothes, and two pillows. my depression came back with a vengeance, and i stopped eating. by the time the lease ran out, i had lost a dangerous amount of weight. i became homeless for the second time at age 22.
this time, after only six months, i found a thin sliver of hope. i was given a place to stay. a single-wide trailer that i would share with three other trans women and a hairy nonbinary lesbian. you've probably heard the stories of similar situations. it's impossible to have healthy boundaries in a space the size of a can of sardines. or healthy anything really. i got involved in an incredibly toxic relationship with one of the other trans women, who i found out was dating nearly a dozen other people.
the only thing i could do was try to feel wanted. desired. i began experimenting with my image.
i re-established contact with rowan, but there was so much there that i couldn't bring myself to face yet. as i began to experiment with more masculine presentation, those around me took a greater interest in me. i was an object of desire. it was the most worth i had felt i ever had.
i wasn't eating again. so my weight kept dropping. in the three-odd years since my first encounter with homelessness, i had lost 30% of my entire bodyweight. this only made my physical issues get worse and worse.
i wasn't done with experimentation though. what could i do with this newfound territory?
the time came. i couldn't stay anymore. the relationship had fallen apart, and my connection to the household had been sent away in exile. the irony of this is not lost on me. i was lucky enough to be able to couch surf for a few months this time.
i lost weight again.
and again.
my knee got worse and worse. my iliotibial band tore. my birthday came and went, nobody celebrated except for rowan, now my only friend.
a week after my birthday, a lesbian couple contacted me. told me that they had a spare bedroom, and that if i could cover the costs of my own food, could stay for as long as i liked.
i started HRT again. rowan and i had managed to work through all the shit and scum of our past and started a relationship anew. it felt like this could be real.
i started to look a lot like my mom. kind of uncomfortably like my mom. rowan was butch, so i had thought i should be a femme. i didn't understand what that meant, but whatever it was i attempted, it wavered dramatically.
i began to switch, every month or so, between masculine and feminine presentation. my chest had grown enough that it was visible now, and i experienced an equal amount of joy and fear when i was gendered correctly in public, having learned to fear people finding out that i was a trans woman.
the weight didn't come back. it was like my body had burned itself so far down that it could not regrow. i had no energy, and my physical condition continued to deteriorate. but i was allowed to be myself. and i was in love with a butch. maybe that would be enough.
i began to develop a fashion sense of my own. the butch label was starting to appeal to me. and my roommates seemed to agree, since they both shifted towards butchness and masculinity alongside me. but it wasn't to last. one of my roommates, a TME lesbian i'm gonna call M, suddenly went off on a transmisogynistic rant to me. M's partner was a trans woman, and hearing this caused me to suddenly re-evaluate everything. did this happen because M viewed me as more masculine now, a more acceptable target? would this happen to G, M's partner?
i hardcore shifted gears back to feminine presentation. it felt safer. i stopped eating again. things weren't okay, but they were bearable this way. but then, one day, we got locked out of our apartment. a stupid, played out thing that happens to everyone at least once. while my roommate G went to see if the apartment manager was in with a spare key, i attempted to climb our balcony and get in through the unlocked back door. when i was up on the railing of our balcony, it gave way, and i fell to the asphalt below, breaking my back. following a trend that i set half a decade ago, i didn't realize it had happened. my back hurt, but i thought it would go away. it did, replaced by a vast numbness through the middle of my back. i began to collapse any time i tried to exhert myself physically at all. i would only find out why years later. the fact that i couldn't contribute to chores anymore, and nobody knew why, made the situation with M deteriorate much faster.
at my lowest point in years. my relationship with rowan was the only thing that kept me from giving up, but after the third time M decided to spew vileness at me i just spent months locked away in my room, terrified that any time i saw M was going to be another lecture about how i was disrespectful, loud, obtrusive, intimidating, too quiet, too lazy, whatever incoherent train of thought i would have to face next.
it was too much to handle in combination with the events of 2020, the lockdowns, the illness, the forest fires, things ended up coming to a head. at age 25, i became homeless for the third time, during the pandemic and a wildfire that filled the air with plastic fumes so thick you couldn't see ten feet in front of you.
i got in contact with my mother and had her take my cat, because i knew i couldn't take care of her like this. that was the last time i saw my cat in person before she died. rowan was frantically trying anything and everything possible to help me. i thought that this might be the end.
three and a half years ago today i got the best news of my life. there was a way out. it would be a long and tricky road, involving moving my whole life to a new country. but we could do it. not only could we do it, but we actually did it. in a months time, i was in rowan's arms. for the first time in our years of knowing each other, there was nothing keeping us apart any longer.
i was finally able to rest. able to eat. i started to regain weight for the first time in nearly a decade. i felt my energy come back, slowly at first, and then more and more until i was capable of functioning, even if at a low level. it's around then that i find out the truth of what happened to my back. it still hasn't properly healed.
in my gratefullness for life and love, i briefly forgot my identity crisis. i was happy to just exist without fear and pain. it wasn't until about a year ago, when a miracle occurred, that this changed.
i woke up one morning, feeling more energetic than usual. i think to myself, maybe i can do some light exercise, for old times sake.
my knee doesn't hurt.
my knee doesn't hurt.
MY KNEE DOESN'T HURT.
a wound that i thought would dictate my life forever, given actual time to rest and food to fuel the process, had healed. everything that i had ever given up on came rushing back into my head, ideas about who i could be, what i could become, what other injuries i might be able to recover from if i treat them right and rebuild myself. ten months ago i began to work out consistently. my back is slowly healing. i am stronger than i ever was before.
i have had to rebuild myself so many times. did i ever discover the secret of butchness in the process? no, that's something that i think will take the rest of my life. for now, my butchness is an enduring pillar, the only part of myself that never fully burnt away. standing up for myself, being my own person, loving another butch, refusing to lose the kindness i so desperately clung to my whole life, refusing to limit myself and my dreams, this is who i am. i am friends with other butches. i am not alone anymore. for now, this is butch. this is me.
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be as one | twice
pairings: nayeon x jeongyeon, momo x mina, sana x jihyo
genre: christmas fluff
warnings/tags: au, unnie line as mothers, school meal club as kids, twice reunion, stablished relationships, domestic fluff, christmas day, subtle past angst, not proofread
w/c: 11.2 K
a/n: i wanted to post this for christmas but it's too cute to stay in my drafts, so take it as a belated christmas gift from me 🧸🤎
"Aren't you excited to meet the dogs?" Sana asks the little girl in the back seat as Jihyo watches her from the rearview mirror.
Tzuyu looks at her with her eyes wide open and nods her head sheepishly even though she has been waiting a whole week to meet not one but three doggies as promised by her new moms, Sana and Jihyo. They also told her that she will meet two girls like her and their mothers, but this part is not so exciting to her and they know it.
She is a really shy kid. She gets nervous in crowded places and it takes her a while to feel comfortable around new people. It took her around five visits to start talking back to Jihyo and Sana and she finally told them she wanted to go home with them after six months of almost weekly visits. So the idea of meeting six new people for the first time at the same time is not very appealing, that is why their moms have made sure that their friends bring their dogs. Tzuyu loves dogs and Sana and Jihyo love Tzuyu and they are willing to do anything they can to make her feel comfortable, safe, protected, cared for and heard.
It has been a month since she arrived home and since then the three of them have been going through a process of adaptation that is not over yet. Soon she will have to start school, so when Jeongyeon told them that her sister had rented a hanok for her to spend Christmas with her family and invited them to join them with Momo and Mina as well, they did not hesitate to accept the offer. It would be the perfect opportunity to introduce them to Tzuyu and besides, their daughter could start socializing with children her age and it might go better than their attempts to get her to interact with other kids at the park.
A little further on, in Jeongyeon and Nayeon's car, Chaeyoung asks her moms in concern "Does Tzuyu like strawberries?" while absent-mindedly caressing Kookeu that sleeps resting his head on her lap.
Jeongyeon sighs while driving because she has already lost count of how many questions her daughter has asked them about the new member of their unique family. Since she found out that it was not a baby but a six-year-old girl like her, her interest increased and she has been asking nonstop about things like her favorite color, if she likes painting or drawing, what food does she like and a dozen other things that Nayeon and Jeongyeon can only answer by saying that she can ask them herself when they arrive.
Something similar happens with Dahyun, although her questions are undoubtedly much more complicated, as she doesn't quite understand how her aunts have had a daughter Chaeyoung's age instead of a baby. "I don't get it" she says, crossing her arms somewhat frustrated and looking at her mother suspiciously.
"It doesn't make sense, mommy" she says fussing and raising her voice slightly "How can auntie Sana have a 6 year old girl in her belly? She can't fit in! And auntie Jihyo is even smaller!" she cries out.
In the driver's seat Momo tries to hold back her laughter, but can't help but let out a chuckle with her last statement. Next to her, Mina just giggles as she realizes why her daughter is so worried about the whole situation, maybe they should have had this conversation earlier and not on the way to meet Tzuyu, but with everything that Mina has had on her mind these past few weeks she has been letting the now unavoidable conversation slide.
"Honey, Tzuyu doesn't come from Sana's or Jihyo's belly. Remember when we talked about the different types of families there are?" Mina begins to explain.
"Yes" Dahyun nods energetically. "Some people have a daddy and a mommy, other people have two daddies or two mommies and sometimes they have just a mommy like me, but there are as many types of families as there are colors" she quotes the explanation her mother has given her so many times.
Mina can't help but smile as she hears her daughter repeat word for word the phrase she has repeated every time she leaves the father's information blank on field trip permission slips, when other children ask her where their father is, or that time she had to make a family tree. Her daughter knows these words by heart and she can only hope that she feels that way too.
"Well, there are also children who don't have parents and there are families who don't have children, so they adopt those children and become a family. Tzuyu used to have no mommy and daddy, but now she lives with Sana and Jihyo who are her mommies" she explains, trying to find the best words.
During the explanation Dahyun listens attentively and her mother can see her opening her mouth slightly showing the gap left by her baby teeth that are no longer there as she processes all this new information.
"What does it mean to adopt?" she asks, frowning at the new word.
This time it is Momo who leads into the answer "It means they take her home to live with them and now they take care of her, give her hugs, help her get dressed, feed her...just like I did with Boo and-".
But before Momo can finish she is cut off by a slap from Mina on her thigh "Oh my god you're not comparing the dogs to Sana and Jihyo's daughter" Mina scolds her in a hushed tone so Dahyun can't hear her.
"Sorry" Momo mutters as she turns her attention back to the road, pero Boo después de escuchar su nombre ladra durante unos instantes.
"But if she didn't come out of no one's belly how can she be their daughter?".
"She doesn't need to have come out of any of your aunt's belly" Mina smiles softly "Don't you love Momo?".
"I love Momo" she says, nodding quickly.
"And I love you, Dubu" Momo speaks again with a big smile.
"And she's your family, right?" Mina already knows the answer, as this has been confirmed to her by all the drawings pinned on the fridge door with three stick figures surrounded by hearts and joined by two circles with ears that are supposed to be Boo and Dobby.
"Yes!".
"But you weren't in her belly and Momo takes care of you just like I do, she makes you breakfast, walks you to school, takes care of you when you are sick, dances with you and lets you sit on the counter while she cooks. She loves you just like I do" she says, watching Momo's cheeks blush.
"MOMO IS ALSO MY MOTHER?!” she screams and immediately adds a second question “Can I call her mom?" Dahyun asks, causing Momo to almost swerve
This time there is only one person who can answer the question, so Mina just looks at her partner with the most loving gaze while Momo is short-circuiting. It's not as if the conversation never came up, the two have talked about it many times and she knows that, to Momo, Dahyun is her daughter and that she loves her as such, even if she hasn't vocalized it yet at least consciously. On occasion the little girl has called her “mom” or “mommy”, but she always assumed she did it accidentally, so to hear from her own mouth that she wants to call her the same way she does with Mina is a big deal.
“S-sure” Momo stutters after a few seconds and just smiles widely.
Beside her, Mina feels like her chest is going to burst as she grabs Momo's hand and looks at her smiling with eyes sparkling with love. The truth is that for some time now when she thinks of family she no longer thinks only of Dahyun and her older brother but also of Momo, Boo and Dobby. When she thinks of family she thinks of her friends whom she sees as sisters and her daughters whom she sees as nieces. It's just a word, but it makes it all more real. They are a family.
While the two adults in the front seats try their best to hold their tears back, behind them Dahyun starts rambling about how she will tell Chaeyoung that now she has two mothers too and that her mom can cook just like Jeongyeon, so she has a mom and a mommy who can cook yummy things as if it's some kind of competition. They know that at some point they will have to tell her that she should not brag about these things to other children, but for now they let her enjoy the moment.
The way is long, but they all think it is worth it when they see the stunning place that Jeongyeon's rich and famous sister has rented a belated birthday present and an early Christmas present so that they can enjoy this holiday with their other family, the one that her sister and sister-in-law have built and chosen. Jeongyeon's parents did not like the idea of not spending Christmas spoiling their first and only granddaughter, but when Jeongyeon told them that it would be a good opportunity to meet the newly adopted daughter of her friend Jihyo and her wife Sana, they were quick to ask their daughter and Nayeon to organize a lunch at their house with all the kids and went straight to buy matching pajamas for Chaeyoung and the other girls.
It is a large traditional style house surrounded by nature, away from the city, but close enough to a village not to be too isolated, to be able to easily go to a supermarket to buy some last minute ingredients or to take a walk. The air is fresh, there is no pollution and the only thing that can be heard is the one or two birds, since at this time of the year most of them have flown to other places in search of higher temperatures. Without a doubt, it is the perfect place to celebrate Christmas and take a well-deserved rest that will last until the last days of the year. The truth is that there is still no agreement on whether they will celebrate the New Year here as well, but at least they will stay long enough to celebrate Sana's birthday together.
They all arrive around the same time and as soon as the cars stop two little whirlwinds jump out of Jeongyeon and Jihyo's cars.
"BROOOOOOO!" they both scream at the same time as they do their – secret in theory – handshake before melting into an embrace as if they hadn't seen each other a few days ago at school.
Mina sighs and covers her face with her hand "I need to have a word with my brother" she says aloud as a reminder to herself.
"I think she's adorable" Momo replies.
"Momoring, you are the least objective person in the world when it comes to these two" she smiles at her girlfriend. "They can literally do anything and you'd say they're adorable."
Between all the fuss caused by the two girls who are slightly over a meter tall Tzuyu goes almost unnoticed for a few seconds as she clings to Sana's leg and grabs Jihyo's hand with her other hand.
"This is Chaeyoung and Dahyun, I promise you they are usually quieter" Jihyo informs Tzuyu as Sana laughs at the sight of the two's handshake and greeting.
At the sound of their names the two immediately turn their heads to their Aunt Jihyo and then to the girl holding her hand. Their eyes widen and point at her, then they look at their aunt again and it is Dahyun who speaks first.
"Is she Tzuyu?" she asks in excitement.
Jihyo and Sana nod at the same time while Tzuyu shyly waves her hand without saying a word.
They again turn their gaze to Tzuyu and then look at each other.
"You are very pretty" Chayeoung says, looking at her again.
"You are very tall" Dahyun says.
“Gracias” Tzuyu dice en apenas un susurro mientras intenta refugierse aún más tras las piernas de Sana.
The women noticing how shy the little girl is decide to give her some space before starting the introductions.
"Why don't we start taking things inside?" Jeongyeon asks saving the new family member. "And you girls could give the dogs a turn to pee, since there are three I think we're going to need Tzuyu's help, don't you think?".
The girls nod their heads and to which the eyes of the one Jeongyeon just named light up at the suggestion as since she got out of the car she hasn't taken her eyes off the three doggies still waiting in the cars for their seat belts to be unbuckled.
"Tzuyu would love it" Sana states as she crouches down to Tzuyu's height to explain that she is her friend Jeongyeon, the mom of Chaeyoung and a pomeranian named Kookeu.
She just nods and stays silent but lets herself be guided by Sana, who walks with her to Momo's car, where Dahyun starts with the introductions. She introduces herself first, then her mom Mina, her mommy Momo and it is the latter who introduces her to Boo and Dobby while she puts the leashes on them and hands Boo's to Dahyun and Dobby's to Tzuyu who, despite her shyness, is clearly filled with joy.
At all times Sana stays by her side and gives her comforting glances every time she looks up and gently squeezes her hand reminding her that she is by her side. The gesture reassures Tzuyu who dares to thank Dahyun, Momo and Mina and then says in a whisper "I am Tzuyu, nice to meet you", just as her moms have taught her.
Dahyun smiles as she grabs the leash and seconds later Chaeyoung and Kookeu join in. This time, the oldest girl introduces Chaeyoung and Tzuyu formally explaining that they are both the same age even though Chaeyoung is shorter and Tzuyu is even taller than Dahyun herself. Sana watches the interaction closely and can't help but laugh, her heart melts every time she sees Dahyun taking on the role of unnie as she usually does with Chae, and now she is doing it with her daughter. She walks and watches over the three of them as they explore the surroundings of the house with the dogs before going inside while the rest of the mothers are taking bags and backpacks full of clothes, food, supplies and - of course - gifts out of the cars while the girls are distracted and out of sight.
"No, no, no, no" they hear Nayeon say as she takes some bags from her wife's hands.
"Oh come on honey, are you serious?" grumbles Jeongyeon.
"I'm dead serious, join Sana and the girls. I'm not going to let you carry anything."
"Nayeon... Even on the assumption that I was you-know-what, I could carry this. I'm already taking all the precautions and taking vitamins, but I'm not going to be getting the pregnant woman treatment as if I can't do anything. I refuse to do that" she argues and in response receives a negative head shake.
"Look, I have a good feeling so I'm not going to let you carry anything. And the only reason I'm letting you drive, for now, is because we both know that between you and me only one of us is capable of getting us safely to a house in the middle of the mountains. And obviously the one with the side of the car with scratches in the three colors of the parking column is not the one".
"Don't tell me you scratched the car again" sighs Jeongyeon tiredly.
"Don't change the subject and go inside the house now or go stretch your legs a bit with your daughter before we lose her among these plants that I'm sure are taller than her."
Faced with such an argument, Jeongyeon has no choice but to accept her wife's suggestion and joins Sana, the three girls and the three dogs.
Once inside the house, Nayeon, Momo, Jihyo and Mina put everything in order and catch up with each other. Since the group was formed they try to see each other regularly and in the case of Momo, Mina and Nayeon - along with Jeongyeon - they often see each other at school and occasionally on play dates in the park. However, with the hectic pace of work, raising the girls and taking care of the house, sometimes it is almost impossible to meet all of them together. Besides the fact that Jihyo and Sana have been practically absent these last few months, since they spent some time preparing everything for Tzuyu's arrival at home, and that this last month has been entirely dedicated to adapting to this new situation. This is the main topic of conversation among the women who ask Jihyo how she is handling it, if it is difficult, assure her that the best is yet to come, ask her how Sana has been doing and give her some advice.
Jihyo is euphoric, she and Sana are the extroverts of the group and in general she is a very vocal person, but it is more than obvious to everyone that she is more talkative than usual. It is not the first time they see her like this, she was the same way when she met Tzuyu for the first time and when they started the adoption procedure. They love to see their friends like this and Mina and Nayeon remember that feeling of being new moms and how their friends were there to share the joy, the fears, the doubts and how they listened to them talk for hours about names, diapers, cribs, milk, clothes, ultrasounds and a thousand other things.
In fact, it was Jihyo and Sana who were present during their pregnancies respectively. Jihyo was the one who took a Nayeon who was suffering from contractions to the hospital while Jeongyeon at her side told her how to breathe, even though she was the one who needed the breathing exercises the most at that moment. And well, Sana was even present when Mina gave birth to Dahyun taking the place of the biological father - or the sperm donor as Sana calls him -.
Momo, despite being the most recent addition to the group, two years ago, shares the excitement equally as the three of them listen to the first anecdotes that Sana and Jihyo have already experienced with Tzuyu at home. The truth is that they have all been hearing about her for more than half a year and although today they have finally met her, they already feel that they have known her for a long time and that she is part of their family.
"And it looks like Jihyo and Sana aren't the only new moms in the group, right Momo?" asks Nayeon arching her eyebrows looking at her "new" best friend.
Mina hearing it can't help but smile and Jihyo makes a surprised face, they both look at Momo who smiles shyly.
"It seems so" she says while still smiling "Dubu has officially given me the title".
"I was honestly surprised she hadn't called her mom by now. There are times she looks more like your daughter than mine" she says to Momo as she holds out her hand and strokes it with her thumb.
Mina takes advantage of Nayeon bringing up the topic of conversation and explains that it all came up in the car talking about Tzuyu and the adoption thing. Nayeon almost gets tears of laughter listening to Dahyun's confusion with the logistics of the matter and, like Momo, can't help but let out a laugh when she hears that one of the things she was really worried about is that Jihyo would have had someone so big in her belly when she was so small. Nayeon, for her part thanks aloud that Chae's questions were not so complicated, although they all agree that she and Jeongyeon have admirable patience after hearing that the questions didn't stop during the three-hour drive.
Jihyo's heart warms, despite her height being a joke even to her seven-year-old niece, to hear how the little ones have taken the news. It was clear to her that both her friends and her daughters would welcome Tzuyu with open arms, but hearing the girls' doubts and their mothers' responses gives her peace of mind knowing that her daughter is surrounded by such wonderful people. For a while she felt guilty for not being able to give Tzuyu some grandparents to spoil her since the relationship with her parents is non-existent and that Sana's parents live in another country, but that thought disappears from her head when she listens to her friends. This is her family.
Not only is she comforted by listening to the three women but she takes note of their experience and especially Mina's explanation to her daughter about the different types of family in case she ever has to use it with her own daughter.
"Wow that's great" says Jihyo excitedly "Tzuyu still calls us by our name from time to time, but at least she has stopped calling us Mrs. Jihyo and Mrs. Sana" she laughs.
Once everything is in place, Mina starts preparing tea for the adults and milkshake for the girls. Chocolate for Dahyun, strawberry for Chaeyoun and for Tzuyu... When she is about to look for Jihyo to ask her about it, the three dogs run in followed by the two children, Jeongyeon and finally Tzuyu who hasn't left Sana's side the whole time. Seeing the cute scene makes Mina smile tenderly, it reminds her a bit of herself when she was a child, so she can't help but laugh a little as she imagines how such a shy girl will handle having the most outgoing people she knows as mothers, for now they seem to be handling it quite well, she doesn't remember seeing Sana this calm in her life.
"Tzuyu, which milkshake do you prefer? We have chocolate, strawberry and vanilla" she asks her.
The girl looks first at her mother who gives her a little squeeze on the shoulder encouraging her to answer herself, even though she already knows the answer.
"Vanilla, please. Thank you" she replies immediately.
"Good choice. Dahyun is going to be delighted but you might break Chaeyoung's heart".
"Don't worry about that part, Mitang. We brought that ice cream that has all three flavors and I think everyone will be happy" says Sana looking at her daughter.
"Is Jihyo still competing with Nayeon for the favorite aunt spot?" Mina asks while Sana nods, rolling her eyes. "I think Nayeon brought the ingredients to make hot chocolate, I just hope Dahyun doesn't try to eat it all."
Sana laughs and replies "If it happens let's hope then he won't get a stomach ache like that time. I just can't stop Jihyo, you know how she is. She is very sexy when she gets into competitive mode."
"Have some decorum" she says laughing, covering half of her face with her hand and looking towards the little girl. "I can imagine, it's going to be fun when school starts. Remember when Nayeon almost got into a fight with a parent on sports day."
The two laugh while Tzuyu plays distractedly with the seams of her mother's pants and also with her hands and rings. The conversation does not last much longer because when the girl sees the dogs, she asks her mother to come with her to play with them.
As soon as Sana disappears from the kitchen Jeongyeon shows up, offering to help Mina, but they both know it's just an excuse. Like Momo and Nayeon, they haven't known each other practically all their lives - as is Jeongyeon's case with Nayeon and Jihyo - but from the beginning they connected very well and are now quite close probably because of how similar their personalities are. Being two people who sometimes deal with a bit of anxiety and have a tendency to overthink, they have found someone to lean on who understands them.
"You haven't done it yet, have you? "Jeongyeon asks Mina first.
She shakes her head "I've tried, I promise. But the truth I'm glad I waited, if you give me a hand tonight I think I will do it" she says, unable to hide her gummy smile as she thinks about it.
"Yeah sure, just tell me what you have in mind and we'll find time to set it up."
"Same goes for you, I overheard your conversation with Nayeon earlier. So if there's anything I can help with, let me know" she offers.
"Don't worry about me, I've got it all planned out, Mitang" she tells her as she starts placing the cups of tea and milkshakes on a tray. "Or should I say bro" she teases her.
"Oh shut up Jeong, I'm regretting letting my brother babysit. The other day she called me 'bro'!" she says making her friend laugh.
When Mina and Jeongyeon appear in the living room, they all sit around a table and start drinking tea while the girls drink their smoothies, obviously Tzuyu's choice of flavor doesn't go unnoticed by the other two. Just as Mina predicted, Dahyun couldn't be happier to keep all the chocolate for herself while Chaeyoung is a little put off that her new friend doesn't share her passion for strawberries, although she is more reassured when she tells her that her favorite is vanilla but she also really likes strawberries. Chae and Dahyun soon get up to start exploring the house and play hide and seek while Tzuyu, still overwhelmed by all these new people, stays by herself playing with the dogs.
She talks to them, throws the ball and tries to teach them tricks although the only one who responds to her commands is Kookeu. They all look at Tzuyu with adoring eyes as they see how tender she is with the animals while Nayeon's look of pride is directed at her beloved dog. Still she can't resist how adorable her new niece is so she takes the moment to introduce herself while showing her the tricks she has taught the pomeranian, making Tzuyu feel more comfortable. She is a shy and quiet girl and it is normal that the situation is too much for her, but as soon as they start talking about dogs, Nayeon gets to see the Tzuyu that Jihyo and Sana have already known within the walls of their home. She is lively, smiling, intelligent and can become talkative when the topic of conversation interests her, at least if it's about dogs.
After a while Chayeoung goes to look for Tzuyu who is still playing with Kookeu and her mom while Dahyun makes a loud announcement for the adults. It seems that they have found a Christmas tree so big that it almost touches the ceiling with some boxes around it with all kinds of decorations in one of the rooms of the house, some of them similar to the ones they have at home and the ones they themselves have made at school. For the girls it is something magical and the adults let them believe it.
The next few hours they are all together decorating the tree, both kids and adults, while talking, laughing and singing. The end result is... colorful and eclectic. The tree has lights, ornaments of different colors and shapes that they had at home, the girls have collaborated with diy decorations full of glitter and doodles and some stuffed animals and superhero toys and even Mina and Jeongyeon have made their contribution with ornaments made of LEGO. All that's left is to put the star on the top of the tree.
Deciding who puts the star turns into a rock-paper-scissors competition between Chaeyoung and Dahyun, but also between Nayeon and Jihyo who want their daughters to place the star. After three rounds, Sana encourages her wife who has already rolled up her shirt sleeves showing her shoulders and put her cap on backwards and it is not until Jeongyeon sees the same competitive expression on her wife and daughter's face that she decides to put an end to it. Fortunately, they make the wise decision to have the three girls together put on the star with the help of their mothers. Jeongyeon, being the tallest of them all, has no problem holding Chaeyoung in her arms. Mina is a little taller than Momo, but her daughter has grown up and she finds it harder and harder to carry her in her arms as she did before, so the girl ends up in the arms of the oldest one. The same happens with Sana and Jihyo, however, Jihyo's strength does not make up for her height even though Tzuyu is quite tall so she reluctantly lets Sana hold Tzuyu while Nayeon looks at her amused.
Each of the little hands holds a part of the star with the help of their mothers and it is Nayeon who captures the moment first with her film camera and then with her phone, sending the photos to the group chat instantly. As soon as she receives the photo, Mina smiles when she sees one of them with only Momo and her daughter in it and quickly makes it her new lockscreen. The camera stays in Nayeon's hands for the rest of the day.
Decorating the tree together gets the youngest out of her shell, she continues to play with the dogs, but she also starts playing with Dahyun and Chaeyoung. They run around the house for a while until Chaeyoung takes out her notebooks, coloring books and crayons. In the kitchen Jeongyeon, Momo and Mina prepare lunch and in the dining room Sana, Jihyo and Nayeon set the table. The house is full of voices, laughter, jokes, curious questions from the girls and some barking from the dogs and the girls. When the food is ready all nine manage to adjust to the small table eating with their arms glued to the one next to them. They wouldn't change it for the world, but they comment that they should come back during the spring or summer so they might be able to eat at the large outdoor table under the sakura tree to enjoy the beautiful place where they are. From that moment some of them take out their phones and start looking at dates on the calendar, but Mina's mind travels to other places when she hears that the big tree outside the house is a sakura.
After eating and cleaning up together with the help of their daughters, they go around the house. Surprisingly, they get the girls to agree to take a nap, probably tired from being up early and having been awake throughout the long car ride. Jihyo joins them, as do Boo and Dobby who find a gap between Dahyun and Tzuyu, the younger one snuggles up to Jihyo's chest who even in her sleep puts her arms around her protectively, something that comes naturally to her.
In another room the rest have some Japanese sweets made by Mina and Momo with a game of cards between them, without Jihyo and Chaeyoung, there is no one to fuel Nayeon's competitiveness, leading to the most peaceful card game they have had in their life. It's certainly something that tends to happen when Nayeon is around Mina as long as Jihyo and some kind of game, competition or betting isn't also present and it seems that Tzuyu has that same effect on her mothers. But like all good things, the quiet is short lived and in less than an hour the girls wake up and show up with Jihyo, she could still take another hour of rest. She instead sits behind Sana resting her chin on her shoulder and wrapping her arms around her until she realizes that her wife has some cards in her hands and after giving Nayeon a defiant look she starts whispering a strategy in her partner's ear.
Dahyun realizes that they are playing cards and runs to her backpack and takes out her UNO for children and they start a more serious and less noisy game than their mothers. If it wasn't for the colors and the animals that appear on the cards, anyone would think that they are the ones who are betting money and not Jihyo and Nayeon who keep shouting while Sana only laughs. This time it is Momo who captures the moment on film after being the first to lose in the game. She stealthily sits next to Dobby and Boo and caresses them while watching and listening to them, she can't help but smile as she listens to the questions they ask Tzuyu trying to get to know her. When the game ends in a draw by Dahyun's decision and without any protest from Chaeyoung and Tzuyu, even though Momo doubts they have understood the game well, she finally asks.
"Who wants to make cookies?".
The question revolts the three little girls who immediately get up and squeal an enthusiastic "YES YES YES!" in unison joined by an excited Sana.
Momo takes them to the kitchen where there are two bags with everything they need. From the first bag she takes out three aprons like the one she wears in her restaurant, but these are a small version with each one's name embroidered on them. This small detail touches them so much that for a moment they forget the reason why they have put them on and Sana, despite not having an apron for herself, gives Momo a huge smile and says "thank you", touched by her friend's gesture.
In the end the little cooking class that Momo had prepared attracts the attention of the older ones as well and they all end up in the kitchen among flour, eggs, dough, icing and all kinds of toppings with all kinds of colors. Of course, they replace the Christmas gingerbread cookies with chocolate cookies, vanilla flavored cookies and cookies with strawberry icing to please everyone's tastes. Some mix, some knead, some shape the cookies and then bake them, and each one ends up with a pile of cookies to decorate according to her taste and decorating skills. When they are done with the cookies, they all dare to make a big cookie house, all nine of them.
To say that when they finished the kitchen was the typical mess after cooking would be an understatement, as it took almost as long to clean up as it did to make dozens of cookies and the eccentric cookie house. When everything is finally cooled down, they make some hot chocolate and coffee with whipped cream, marshmallow, caramel... Then again they gather around the table with a cup in their hands.
It's not very late, but it's been dark for a few hours now and the only light outside is from the lamps hanging from the ceilings of the house and some bulbs decorating the garden of the house and the lights of some houses in the distance. It's time to shower and get ready for bed, at least for the kids who instead of getting more and more tired are more and more animated as the evening comes and the time when Santa Claus will bring them their presents is closer. There are only three girls, each under the care of two adults, but it takes them more than an hour to get them showered and dressed in their matching pajamas in the bed they have prepared for them. At first Tzuyu does not seem very sure about the idea, not that she is not used to it, in fact she used to sleep in a room with about ten or fifteen other girls, but this month she has spent it in the bed between Sana and Jihyo because she is still not able to sleep alone and now the idea of sleeping without them does not convince her.
"Come on, Tzuyu sleep with us" asks Chaeyoung, who can't stay away from her new friend.
"Sleep with us Tzuyu, you can sleep in the middle, since you are the little one we can take care of you just like when I let Chae the side of the wall so she won't fall" Dahyun tries to convince her.
That last statement just melts the heart of all the women who are watching their little negotiation, but especially Sana and Jihyo. They are no strangers to these special moments between girls but now, witnessing it as mothers, hits different.
"I have an idea" interjects Sana. "Why don't I read a bedtime story to the three of you so Tzu can test if she likes this bed and if she likes it you can leave her one of the sides so she can come to our room if she needs it" she says while looking at her daughter who nods in agreement with the solution offered by her mommy.
"Yes, you read it, auntie Sana!" exclaims Chae excitedly as Dahyun nods.
They love to listen to Sana telling them bedtime stories with the funny voices she does and Sana loves to read them bedtime stories. It has always been her favorite part of babysitting either of them and on occasion when she and Jihyo would invite them to have a sleepover at home giving their moms a break while at the same time she could enjoy something she thought she would never have until Tzuyu came into their lives. Sana has always had a very strong maternal instinct and with these things it shows even more. Her storytelling, answering the strangest questions and convincing three kids excited for Christmas to be in bed even before their usual bedtime are things that come naturally to her. Jihyo feels like her heart is about to explode when she sees these kinds of scenes and her friends couldn't be happier for her, to see that finally something she saw as an impossible dream is now a reality.
Normally the only one who usually stays awake until the end of the story is Chae because she gets absorbed with each story and can't sleep unless she hears the end, but this time Sana has to read them up to three stories until they all finally fall asleep.
Finally it's time for the adults to relax, drink some wine, beer or soju and be able to talk and gossip without having to keep an eye on their surroundings to make sure that there is not a half-meter girl that they can badly influence if they hear them say a swear word or talk about some inappropriate topic. From time to time one of them goes to the room to check that everything is all right and that they are still asleep.
Once again, Mina somewhat nervously finds an excuse to drag Jeongyeon into the kitchen where she finally tells her about her plan and asks her to keep an eye out in case Dahyun wakes up or needs her while asking for some discretion. As she leaves the kitchen she heads to her room and returns with two coats, giving one to Momo to go with her to get some air. The others either don't notice or for Mina's sake pretend not to notice except for Jeongyeon who gives her a subtle thumbs up.
Her obvious nervousness and shaking hands suddenly catches Momo's attention causing her cheerful and slightly drunk expression to change to a worried face holding Mina's hands immediately.
"Babe, has anything happened, has your family called?" asks Momo worriedly knowing it's one of the things that triggers Mina's anxiety around this time of the year.
"No, no. Everything is fine" Mina assures her with a nervous smile and unable to hold her gaze.
"We've already talked about this, your hands are shaking. You can tell me anything, Mina. I got you" says Momo wrapping her arms around her and Mina can only feel lucky to have someone like that by her side.
She lets herself be taken in by the embrace and breathes in Momo's perfume, something that always soothes her, before pulling away and starting to talk.
"Baby, I'm okay. I promise" she says, grabbing her hands to stop the shaking of her own hands. "But if I'm going to need you to listen to me".
Momo nods and looks at her expectantly.
"I'm going to need us to move to that tree" she says pointing to the huge tree that by this time has not a single leaf or flower.
Once they are under the tree sitting on a small wooden bench while holding hands looking into each other's eyes, the youngest takes a breath and begins her speech.
"This isn't as cute as I had originally envisioned in my mind, but this is a sakura tree" she says gesturing awkwardly as if she is introducing the tree as the other looks at her in confusion. "I don't know if you remember" she takes a deep breath trying to calm her nerves so her voice doesn't sound so shaky. "But when things started to get serious between us, when I was afraid to let you into my life and Dahyun's, you told me that when you looked at the two of us you felt the same as when you saw the sakura blooming in the spring when you had only been here in Korea for a short time because they made you feel at home. I feel something like that too. When I think of you I think of family and when I think of family Dahyun's face is not the only one I see, I see you too." She thinks about her words for a bit and adds "It's not like I didn't see you as part of my family before, but today when Dahyun started calling you 'mom' I felt like everything was finally in place.... W-what I want to say is that I want you to be our Dubu's mom, I want to say that you are my daughter's mom when people ask me and I also want to say that you are my wife" she finishes saying with bright eyes full of tears while looking at Momo in expectation.
Momo also has some tears in the corners of her eyes and can barely articulate any words for a moment until she finally speaks "Minari, are you asking me to marry you?" she asks with a smile from ear to ear.
"Yes, s-sorry I forgot the most important thing" she stutters nervously searching for the ring in the pockets of the huge jacket until she finally pulls out a small velvet box and opens it before her eyes "I wanted to wait for the sakura bloom, but I couldn't wait any longer and when she asked if she could call you mom-" she starts to ramble as she does when she gets nervous.
They have been together for more than two years and it still happens to her at times like this. It still happens to her just like it did during the dozens of encounters they had until Momo understood that her best customer might be interested in more than just the Japanese food she missed so much and finally asked her if she would like to meet outside her restaurant. Mina hates that she still makes her stutter sometimes and for Momo it is one of her favorite things in the world to know that despite the time she still has the same effect on Mina.
Suddenly she feels Momo's lips crashing against hers in an clumsy and rushed kiss, but full of emotions. Their arms are wrapped around each other's body and they can feel their cheeks wet with tears as the older one pulls away and softly says "Yes!".
"Let me ask you the question!" she whines. "Hirai Momo, will you marry me?" she asks finally resting one knee to the ground and all.
"Yes. I will marry you, Myoui Mina" she says laughing as she uses her full name.
Momo smiles as she sees her with one knee on the ground giving her the ring, a scene she thought she would never experience like so many other things when she discovered she liked girls in her last year of high school. Now she has the most beautiful woman in the world saying she wants her to be a mother and a wife, asking her once again to make a family together. They are already family and they both know that the ring doesn't change anything because they have been a family since the moment Mina decided to introduce Momo as her girlfriend in front of her friends and then her daughter, when Dahyun started treating Dobby and Boo like her own dogs, when Momo offered to pick up her daughter from school when Mina couldn't, when Mina asked her if she would like to live with her and Dahyun, when Momo started calling the little girl Dubu and started reading her bedtime stories or just a few hours ago when Dahyun asked her if she could call her mom.
"I'm sorry but Nayeon and Sana's rings are going to have to go to the other hand", Mina bothers him being now more relaxed, taking her out of her thoughts while she takes her hand and starts to put the ring on it.
It is a thin, simple, white gold ring decorated with three diamonds, while she puts the engagement ring on her finger she explains that since she prefers simple rings she thought it would probably be better to have a few small diamonds than one big one and that she liked the idea of three diamonds because they are three. This time she explains it more calmly, as if she isn't feeling her heart pounding in her chest at full speed.
"I love you" says Momo, this time in her mother tongue.
"I love you, Momoring".
It's been impromptu, no picnic in the spring watching the sakuras bloom and no dinner at the nice restaurant she saw when they passed through the nearby village and the speech she's been preparing for a month was forgotten as soon as she saw how Momo cared about her when she thought something bad had happened, but Mina couldn't care less. Momo has said yes to continue having a life together now with the promise of forever and that's all she needs.
It's cold and the first snowflakes are starting to fall from what looks like it will be the first snow of the year. Neither of them move, enjoying a little alone time before going back inside the house. The two cuddle and kiss, some of those kisses are short pecks on the lips and some turn into heated kisses that leave them breathless. When Mina's freezing hands sneak under several layers of clothing to caress the skin of Momo's stomach under her shirt sending a shiver throughout her body they go back inside.
When they came back they all know, even though all she asked Jeongyeon to do was to keep an eye on Dahyun and keep her mouth shut. You can't really blame her, the time they were there for them felt like an instant but it was really over forty five minutes of listening to Nayeon and Jihyo listing every moment they had told her some secret or gossip since they have known each other while Sana was about to have a breakdown thinking they were arguing and thinking about what she would do if they made her pick a side. All this while her social battery was at a minimum, so she ended up confessing everything and even shared some parts of the speech Mina had texted her asking if it was too cheesy.
As soon as she enters the door all eyes turn to Momo's hand and before Nayeon, Sana and Jihyo start to scream, Jihyo cures Sana's mouth with her hand and Jeongyeon covers Nayeon and Jihyo's mouths. Mina and Momo are completely blushing trying to hide in each other's neck while Jeongyeon apologizes for announcing it before them, knowing that they would have preferred to say it one by one to avoid this.
The three of them start asking them a million questions and start planning their wedding. Then Sana whines about not being the first to know but this topic doesn't last long because they all agree that she would have been so happy that she would have told the others and maybe even Momo herself if Mina had told her about her plans. After a while Jihyo shows up with more soju and even a bottle of champagne she had prepared in case they stayed to celebrate New Year's Eve, but the occasion is worth it. And if there's one thing Jihyo doesn't mess around with, it's alcohol, so you can trust that it's some good, expensive champagne.
They all toast to Momo and Mina's engagement with champagne except for Jeongyeon who raises her cup of tea, no one is shocked because since she started the artificial insemination treatments she has not been drinking for months, but they all need to know as soon as possible if she is finally pregnant because they really need to get used to the idea that Nayeon is going to keep drinking for the two of them at every celebration. Nayeon is not a bad drinker, but as she is drunk she won't be still for a second, she even becomes more giggly and hits the arm of anyone next to her. Jihyo and Jeongyeon tell that sometimes during their college outings they would wake up with bruises on their arms.
When they decide it's way too late and they have to put all the presents on the tree, the only one who is drunk – thankfully – is Nayeon. Momo and Sana have a slight blush on their cheeks while Jihyo has drunk twice as much as Nayeon and is doing better than Mina who has only had a glass of champagne because it is her own engagement, but is still a bit dizzy from today's emotions.
It doesn't take them long to place the gifts despite Nayeon's interruptions and her and Sana's giggles threatening to wake up the girls. Luckily, Jeongyeon and Momo go a couple of times to check that they are sound asleep when they hear a soft snore from one of them.
They all say their good nights among smiles and laughter, feeling as excited as their daughters to open the presents as a family. Each couple disappears into their respective rooms and the moment they lay their heads on the pillow, they all fall asleep instantly. It has been a tiring and intense day and the best is yet to come.
The next morning they are all woken up at 7 am one by one by the three girls who only scream "CHRISTMAS", "SANTA" and "PRESENTS". The strategy they follow is the same, Dahyun and Chaeyoung come in screeching and jump on top of the adults shaking them followed by Tzuyu who is less shy around them but not enough to assault the adults like her friends do, so she just carefully tugs at their pajama sleeves while the others do the rest of the work. When they arrive at Nayeon and Jeongyeon's room things are different and Chaeyoung instructs the attack to be directed only at Nayeon because she has told her that she has to be careful with her mama.
The older ones have only had a couple of hours of sleep and some have a slight headache, but they make their way to the tree at about the same speed as their daughters until all nine are seated around the tree. Nayeon takes pictures with her camera while Momo has her cell phone in one hand and a video camera in the other with the intention of recording at least the highlights. Each time she checks that the camera settings are correct she can't help but smile at the sight of the new ring that now decorates her hand.
Finally it's time to open the presents.
Dahyun receives a small digital piano that is halfway between a toy and a real one to start with and a microphone, lately she is in her singer and rapper phase. Momo and Mina know that in a few days they might regret leaving her not one but two things that make noise and they also know that they will end up dancing and singing with her or that they will enjoy the small recitals that their little Dubu organizes at home. Another surprise they have prepared is for her to start piano lessons, but first they have to make sure that they know she would be going to real piano lessons and that it is not like when she plays her toy piano keyboard at home. They also give her some books from her favorite collection and of course, chocolate.
Chaeyoung, like every Christmas, birthday or any other special occasion, receives paints, sketchpads, watercolors, pencils and other art supplies that are of better quality as she gets older. The little girl always gets excited as if it were the first time she gets them as a gift because in a month half of the things are already used up and her mothers no longer know where to keep so many drawings. The last gift she opens, however, is something that makes her even more excited and that is a toy set to make temporary tattoos with markers. Since she was a toddler, she has had the habit of painting all over her arms and legs even before she could speak, and now there is not a day that goes by that she doesn't come home with a drawing in one hand and a note from her teacher in the other. When Nayeon saw the advertisement for the toy while she was on her phone, she ordered it online and it has been hidden in a corner of her house since summer.
Both Chaeyoun and Dahyun have among their gifts a package of a different color than the rest, Dahyun insists that Santa Claus knows they are bros and that's why he always gives them something that matches. The truth is that it's Jihyo and Sana who always get their nieces something special, since they didn't have a child to buy presents for until now. The fact that this year Tzuyu has come into their lives is not going to change this little tradition. This year Dahyun receives a stuffed eagle and Chaeyoung a tiger, their favorite animals. The choice of the oldest is surprising and even more surprising is that the couple found a cute stuffed animal of an eagle.
As for the new member of the family, she has been receiving gifts from her mothers ever since she arrived at her new home. Most of them such as clothes, school supplies, books and toys were just things that a 7-year-old girl needs at home, but Sana and Jihyo are still in the excitement of being new mothers so it is likely that she has been spoiled a little too much. After asking their friends for advice, they decided it was best to give her a few meaningful gifts rather than showering her with presents as they originally planned.
They didn't count on the fact that Tzuyu, given where she came from and with her background, is not the type of kid who asks for things, instead if she likes something you can see it on her face and maybe she mentions it because it has genuinely caught her attention and not because she is asking for it in a subtle way. They are both very happy to have such a good little girl and know that anything will be welcomed with sincere joy as they have seen so far, however it has made the job of being Santa Claus difficult for them. Luckily, since they discovered Tzuyu's passion for dogs, it was clear to them what the perfect gift would be. A dog, this was the perfect gift, except that they had their doubts about it. After much discussion and thinking about it, Jihyo and Sana agreed that they didn't want to be the kind of mothers who give a dog as a toy for Christmas, especially after listening to Jeongyeon talking about how many dogs arrive at the shelter a few months after Christmas when they are no longer adorable puppies.
Tzuyu for the first time receives presents that are actually for her and not generic toys donated to the orphanage. On her first Christmas with her new family Tzuyu opens a package bigger than her and almost the size of Jihyo, it is a life-size golden retriever stuffed dog that makes Tzuyu cry instantly. As soon as the stuffed dog is free from the wrapping paper the little girl hugs it tightly and goes to her mothers and hugs both of them.
"Thank you mommy Sana, thank you mommy Ji" she says sobbing making her mothers also cry with her.
"You don't have to thank us Tzu" says Sana as jihyo takes her and the huge stuffed dog in her arms. "Santa got it for you because you've been such a good girl," she says.
" All we did was tell Santa that you changed your address," Jihyo adds and kisses her on the head.
There are still two gifts to be opened, one of them an illustrated book about dogs and then a letter that her mommy Ji has to read to her. It is an invitation to visit the shelter and help the dogs living there. At the bottom of the invitation are a pair of paw prints of different dogs for which Sana and Jihyo are very grateful to Jeongyeon who has also offered to be the one to accompany them to the shelter where she started volunteering and where she now works as a veterinarian.
The other two children don't quite know what is going on, so they clap their hands when their mothers assure them that they are crying from happiness and not sadness. They themselves try to hold back their tears and in Nayeon's case hide them by covering themselves with the camera as she captures the emotional moment.
The next picture they take is one of the girls holding their stuffed animals. Dahyun poses like a rapper, Chaeyoun still doesn't know how to smile in photos and next to her Tzuyu stares at the camera with her eyes a little too wide. They take a total of thirty photos of them and they all agree that it's best to save those photos for posterity and not for Instagram. Luckily, the girls come out much better when they get their pictures taken while playing and Nayeon keeps saying that she can wait to develop the two rolls of film she has already spent since they arrived the day before.
After the photos it's time for the older ones to open the gifts and as with the card game the task of telling who is more mature is difficult. Of course, Nayeon turns it into another rock-paper-scissors competition to choose the order and Jihyo accepts so the others are dragged into the game. The oldest loses and in addition to enduring her wounded pride, Nayeon will have to wait until the end to receive the gift.
Contrary to other years when they have played secret friend, they have preferred to take the easy way and the gifts are only between the couples with the only condition that they are not allowed to give each other inappropriate gifts in front of the children. A rule especially addressed to Sana who on all Jihyo's birthdays gives her a lingerie set which is actually for herself and which Jihyo accepts with too much enthusiasm in front of all of them.
Sana gives Jihyo a designer leather jacket, a bottle of a really expensive soju that Jihyo loves with some glasses with a nice and elegant accompanying the bottle. " I'll give you your other gift later in the room" Sana whispers in her ear before giving her a kiss.
Nayeon gifts Jeongyeon a fancy watch and a letter which she asks her to read another time and is quite insistent that she doesn't read it in front of the others.
Mina tells Momo that her gift was given to her in the evening, but she has a small detail. In the package is a t-shirt with a drawing of the family done by Dahyun, there are a total of five t-shirts and Momo for a moment freaks out at the sight of two small t-shirts until Mina tells her that they are for Boo and Dobby making everyone laugh at Momo's momentary panic.
In between laughter, there is a loud sob and suddenly they all realize that Jeongyeon is crying her eyes out as she reads the letter. "Jeong! I told you not to read it!" says Nayeon in between laughing and crying as he wraps his arms around his wife and whispers "Well it's already in the letter, I love you baby." At another time her friends would have teased, but Jeongyeon seems to be truly touched so they leave the couple a moment and continue.
Mina is next and receives a LEGO set that Momo has caught her browsing through more than once when they go to the mall and a Nintendo Switch game, as well as a simple necklace adorned with three hearts. Mina loves it all and Momo is still surprised that jewelry always ends up being the gift that costs her the least money and effort.
Sana is surprised to receive an envelope from Jihyo because she has always been very thoughtful with gifts and usually receives a seasonal branded bag among other things. What she sees in the envelope, however, makes her scream in excitement more than any bag when she sees the tickets to go to Japan with their and Tzuyu's names on it. "Let's go see your parents next week, so they can finally meet their granddaughter," Jihyo says before she has to look up the details on the tickets herself.
Last of all is Nayeon. Finally her turn comes and she can't stop jumping up and down with excitement when she sees the box that Jeongyeon hands her. She tears the wrapping paper excitedly and when she opens the box and sees what's inside, her smile disappears.
"Seriously Yoo Jeongyeon" she sighs, looking at her seriously.
The others just stay quiet not sure how to react because Nayeon seems really annoyed so they just watch the exchange between the couple. Then she takes out what's in the box and they all burst out laughing when they see a t-shirt that reads 'World's #1 Dad' on it.
It's a good joke and it's nothing that's unusual for the couple, they love teasing each other as much as they love giving each other kisses and whispering sweet nothings. This time it looks like Nayeon is not having it.
"I hope you have something better hidden, I spent days looking for the perfect watch" she whines and at that moment everyone sees the usual Nayeon again and the mood of the room instantly lightens up.
Jeongyeon also looks serious but it is obvious that she is holding in laughter when she says "I think I should have gotten you new eyeglasses, haven't you seen what else is in the box?".
Her wife rolls her eyes and looks in the box again, not very convinced that there is anything in there, thinking it is still just part of Jeong's joke. You never know with these two, once Nayeon gave her fifteenf boxes tucked inside each other for their anniversary in college, though then he gave her something that kept them busy for several days locked in the room. One of the best gifts she ever gave her, unless you ask Jihyo who at the time was sleeping in the room next door. To this day, the youngest of the three has not wanted to know what that gift was, but today she is dying of curiosity, just like the others.
"OH MY GOD JEONGYEON!" she screams at the top of her lungs, making her friends jump in their seats and catching the attention of the girls who have been busy with their new gifts for a while now. "If this is a joke I swear-" she says trying to sound tough as she starts bawling her eyes out.
"I'm serious," Jeongyeon says in a whisper, taking the paper Nayeon is holding in her hands and showing her friends the ultrasound. "We're going to be mommies again" she says with a huge smile.
It takes a few seconds for everyone to react and all of a sudden everyone starts to congratulate them while the oldest one complains to her wife that she didn't tell her, even more so when she finds out that she is almost three months pregnant and that they are expecting twins. Neither of them can believe that Jeongyeon made it on the first try and they couldn't be happier, especially with Chaeyoun's reaction. The little girl stares at them with wide eyes and when they confirm that she will be the big sister to two babies, her eyes glaze over and she climbs onto her mom's lap to hug them and caress her mama's belly.
"This is a better gift than the tattoo machine" she says, still pouting.
All these emotions seem to have made them hungry and they soon gather at the small table, which is now more crowded with the girls' stuffed animals. In the middle of the table they have a mountain of cookies that they didn't finish yesterday and there is also hot chocolate, tea, coffee and milkshakes. The Myoui-Hirai family is wearing their t-shirts. Sana and Jihyo tell Tzuyu about Japan, tell her about the food and let her know that she will meet more new people, this time it will be her grandparents. Jeongyeon is still forced to listen to a scolding from her wife for not telling her earlier that she is pregnant and lists one by one the things that could have happened until Jeong admits that she was afraid something would go wrong and Nayeon's gaze softens. She knows that fear better than anyone, so she just stops and reminds her that everything will be okay because they have each other and because they have this wonderful family they've built. A family that was formed within the walls of their shared dorm during university and that has been growing ever since.
#twice fic#twice oneshot#twice au#twice imagines#twice fluff#twice nayeon#im nayeon#twice jeongyeon#yoo jeongyeon#twice momo#hirai momo#twice sana#minatozaki sana#twice jihyo#park jihyo#twice mina#myoi mina#myoui mina#twice dahyun#kim dahyun#twice chaeyoung#son chaeyoung#twice tzuyu#chou tzuyu#2yeon#nayeon x jeongyeon#jeongyeon x nayeon#mimo#twice mimo#momo x mina
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Hey, so...
This is going to be a LONG post, so please bare with me.
I've been doing a LOT of thinking the past week about what fics I'm doing and when. I've made some decisions that some people are probably not going to like, and I completely understand that, but at the end of the day, it's my blog and my time. I know there have been some fics that people have been very excited for, but unfortunately, things change.
As of right now, Til the Summer Comes Again is getting shelved until sometime in November. I love the fic, and I want to finish it, but I do think it'll be a lot more fun to do in the winter considering it's a Jack Frost fic. This past winter was really hectic for me considering I started a new job after being unemployed for a couple of months, and with the stress of all that and the pressure for other fics, it definitely fell by the wayside. The fic idea is something so special to me, which is why I'm shelving it instead of scrapping it altogether. We will see Jack Frost!Bob again in November!
I am also scrapping my Hadestown fic (In Spite of the Way). I'm doing this because it's such a specific story, and unfortunately, I just don't see myself being able to add anything new or interesting to the story at hand. It would just be a complete retelling of the story that's already there, and that's not something that I want to do.
I am also tabling my Studio Ghibli fics. I'm not sure if I'll ever come back to them, but they've been pushed to the side for so long that it just doesn't make sense to have them on my masterlist when it's becoming clear that other things are drawing my interests away. I'd love to re-explore them farther down the line, but for now, Our Hill of Stars and The Word of the Crooked are being taken off my masterlist. Whisper in the Wind I believe will be started come early September or so and be a part of the Autumn lineup.
Now that Meet Me at the Sea is done, my focus is going to be on finishing Fool's Fare and updating the Dagger Posse Universe here and there. Fool's Fare is most likely to be done sometime in April if I had to guess, which means...
It's time to talk the Sailor-Aviator Summer Cinematic Release schedule!
As we all know, I've just announced the MMATS stand-alone sequel: Down By the Bay featuring one Bradley Bradshaw. But what else is coming this summer? Let's talk about it!
There have been a few of you waiting for my Indiana Jones!Jake fic aka Fortune & Glory, and I'm so excited to announce that it is on the roster for this summer! Tune in to follow Jake and Bucket as they try to secure the legendary staff of Moses before the Nazis do!
Next up on the roster is the long-awaited Mafia fic! Titled after the age-old idiom, Two Birds follows the reader as they unwittingly catch the eye of not one, but two mafia bosses, both standing as the dual heads of the Dagger Syndicate. Two Birds is a M x F x M featuring Jake "Hangman" Seresin and Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw (No Hangster).
I'm hoping to start these fics anywhere from Mid-May to early June, so stay tuned!!
Meanwhile, I will be dedicating some time to the DPU as well, trying to wrap up some fics within that to hopefully have it finished (or down to the last one) by the summer's end.
If you've stuck around this long, I just want to say thank you. Not only for reading this monster of a post, but for continuing to read my work and for following and supporting me through everything! You guys are the best! Until next time~
#psa#liz rambles#summer fic list#jake hangman seresin#jake hangman seresin x reader#jake hangman seresin x you#jake hangman seresin fanfiction#jake seresin#jake seresin x reader#jake seresin x you#jake seresin fanfiction#hangman#hangman x reader#hangman x you#hangman fanfiction#hangman top gun#top gun hangman#bradley rooster bradshaw#bradley rooster bradshaw x reader#bradley rooster bradshaw x you#bradley rooster bradshaw fanfiction#bradley bradshaw#bradley bradshaw x reader#bradley bradshaw x you#bradley bradshaw fanfiction#rooster#rooster x reader#rooster x you#rooster fanfiction#rooster top gun
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After many months of sporadically yelling my thoughts in various posts.........it is time.
*turns out there's like, so much competition for being the worst dad in this galaxy
**a biased account from someone with their own very mid dad
Read on for an unnecessarily lengthy argument and just make sure to picture me like this the whole time
The Evidence:
Similarities/parallels between them
Shapeshifting -- They both transform so fully and easily from rebel mode to fancy rich asshole and back again throughout the show. Others do as well, but not nearly as often as they do and not nearly as sharp contrast from one thing to another
Quick tempers -- Evident from the way they snap at each other and the people they work with
Familiar framing -- There’s nothing accidental in this show. I believe the below photos draw a very deliberate, if subtle, parallel between them. We don’t see any of the other rebels using a stick like that, and Luthen's doesn't seem to actually have a function besides making youtubers believe he's a Jedi (I have a whole spin-off conspiracy theory on that we can get into some other day if you ask me)
Blonde -- Obviously. Though it seems Vel's hair is changing for season two. Perhaps a hint that she is trying to distance herself from her father's influence? (okay this part is mostly a joke but then I talked myself into something)
Also, this brand new page from the Dawn of Rebellion visual guide book that made me go !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! because, you know, proximity is everything. It would have made much more sense for Kleya to be on this page and Vel to be beside Cinta on the next page, right? Nope, not if there's a deeper connection here!
Their first interaction
Even before we meet Vel, Luthen predicts to Cassian exactly how she will react to them being there
He first tries to greet her with a big fake grin. Big time dad behavior to act like none of the past shit between you has ever gone down. But Vel remembers, doesn’t buy the act
Basically their interaction is just very familiar and informal, then breaks down quickly because of their attitudes toward each other
Vel is being very childish for most of it, pacing around, not keeping eye contact, then fully acting like a kid who doesn’t want to pick up their toys (see above picture)
Which then brings the Big Dad Energy from Luthen - "LOOK AT ME!!" he yells. The dadest dad behavior to ever dad. I can so easily picture this from my dad. "Look at me when I'm talking to you! Do what I say!" You have no choice but to shut up and obey unless you want to lose your allowance heist mission
Maybe he does actually care?
The night before the heist, Luthen is acting very strange, so much so that Kleya calls him out for being nervous. This is understandable given the stakes. BUT!
“They’re either going to be okay out there or they’re not” from Kleya is interesting. Be okay, rather than do okay. Like she knows he’s particularly worried about their safety, about one person’s safety especially?
And Vel’s mentioned in the very next line, reminding us of their connection again: "Vel's the only one who traces back" -- could be because she’s the only one who’s seen him, but who would actually be able to “trace” that??
Vel's need for approval
Veeerrryyyyy familiar to every eldest daughter constantly ignored by dad, seen most prominently in her interactions with Kleya
First right after the heist -- "Where is he?" ... "He read your message." "I really thought he'd be here?" Oh? Why's that? Why would he be there unless it was personal? Unless there was some sort of expectation of praise for the job well done, or comfort after losing so much of the team?
Later, before Ferrix, Vel won't give Kleya the information about Maarva's death until she secures the "I'll make sure he knows where it came from" promise from her
Rebellion is a family affair
"But Chip, Vel can't be related to Mon and Luthen!" Why not? There's nothing really that says Luthen isn't/can't be Mon's uncle
In fact, it might even make it easier to understand how a prominent Senator who's outwardly so centrist and careful could get Luthen's attention -- they always knew each other!
Anyway, a visual aid made months ago by @jedi-valjean, outlining the possible family tree, along with what seems to be the typical Chandrilan matriarchal naming conventions:
Vel Sartha, nepo baby
Vel absolutely does not have the experience or the stomach to be leading a mission like Aldhani. Why did he let her? That's right, nepotism
Hints to this in both her interactions with Kleya -- first "this is what revolution looks like" and then "You're off the rails. You're lucky he's not here"
She's clearly not ready and messing things up, but she's not facing any consequences for it because of her proximity to Luthen
Their second interaction
The convo on Ferrix is less loaded but still interesting
Vel looking at him and greeting him with a hint of "oh so you do acknowledge that I exist....but only because I have the information you need"
Again, the way they talk to each other is oddly informal for a boss and subordinate. Plus at the end he gives her tasks like a dad handing out chores
(also seems to like saying Cinta's name to her. supportive of his daughter's girlfriend, that gets him some good dad points)
Luthen's talk with Lonni
pound for pound, this is the most important part outside of their first interaction
As Lonni comes down in the elevator, Luthen congratulates him on becoming a father to a "healthy, beautiful" daughter. Tells him he must be pleased
Lonni thinks he's being threatened, asks "Do you ever think how it might feel from my side?" And Luthen tells him "I think about you constantly."
This. Shit. Makes. Me. CRAZY.
Because Luthen *was* Lonni. Just a guy with a daughter, trying to fight for something better
Also he sacrifices Kreegyr and all his men just to keep Lonni’s cover from being blown. Obviously that’s selfish on one hand, he gets to keep his spy, but also….Lonni’s daughter gets to keep her dad. I don’t think Luthen's just saying that to appease him. “You love your daughter," he says. The whole thing hits home for him and he thinks about it constantly
Basically the whole scene is a conversation between Luthen as he is now and Luthen as he could have been -- “Your investment in the rebellion is epic. A double life. Every day a performance.” He’s TALKING TO HIMSELF
And what does Luthen sacrifice? "...Kinship....Love" -- the love of his family? His kin? He may have his daughter in his life but they're hardly more than coworkers because of what they have to do. They're both sacrificing a real relationship with each other
"I burn my decency for someone else's future" -- he's sacrificed being a good father to fight and make a better future for his daughter!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The shoutout to his ego not having a "mirror" calls us back to Vel and Cinta's conversation, another probably deliberate thread supposed to connect them in our minds
"You'll stay with me, Lonni" can mean both that he's not letting Lonni out of this and, again, that he's always thinking of him (always thinking of that other version of his life)
The Conclusions
Putting together all the evidence and the fact that no one in the show seems to know about the connection between them, I can basically come to two possible conclusions:
Vel didn't find out this man was her father until she was already an adult
She knew him as a child but then he began making his calculations and left her and her mother
Either way, they would have gone years without interacting and thus it would be easy to hide their true connection once they've been reunited. And either way, their relationship would be as strained as it appears. Vel would want to have his attention and approval in a way she never did before, and Luthen would feel guilty enough to give her a job she hasn't really earned.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk.
#i've fully lost it#this was fun tho. no ragrets#andor#luthen rael#vel sartha#honestly feels like i still left some stuff out but good grief#my posts#bookmarks
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