unironically one of the most fucked up endings to any manga ever i literally cried for like 30 minutes when I first reached the last few chapters of this

Im gonna combine. Bughead + Hogwarts and Soulmates

Never Had Enough Time - Bughead

Masterlists

Requests open!

Read on AO3 here!

Notes - So uh, I apologise in advance for this. It was way sadder than I originally intended it to be - I think I went a bit overboard since I haven’t written anything Hogwarts related since Christmas. But enjoy. And I’m sorry Sara. :)

Prompts - Hogwarts / Soulmate AU.

Warnings - Major character death, death, brief mention of suicidal thoughts, battle.

Word count - 3.5k.

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From the moment he’d started being friends with Betty, Jughead knew that she was his soulmate. There was no way that she couldn’t be. The sweet Hufflepuff girl who had woven her way into his heart by the middle of their first year was his absolute favourite person; she meant the world to him. The way that Soulmates had been taught to them in class matched up with everything he felt with Betty. The adoration, the comfort, the longing to always be with her. It was a way that he had never imagined he could feel about someone before he had met her.

So when it was nearing his sixteenth birthday he knew his theory about them being soulmates would be proven with the timer that would appear on his wrist. He wasn’t so fussed about the timer itself; the countdown to when his soulmate would die hadn’t even crossed his mind as he couldn’t ever imagine losing Betty. He could picture them somewhere away from Hogwarts married and living together; happy. She couldn’t die before they were grey haired and had grandchildren and had lived an amazing life together. No, he wasn’t worried about that. He was just excited to see the timer on his wrist, the timer that would only appear if he had met his soulmate.

He had waited for it the whole of September before his birthday, excitedly talking with Betty about how it could finally be confirmed that they were soulmates. He could picture her excited smile perfectly as he thought about it; the way her giant green eyes lit up as she looked up at him with her huge beautiful smile. She was perfect.

When he woke up on the morning of his birthday, after Sweet Pea had hit him with his pillow on his way out of the dormitories with a shout of “happy birthday, Jones”, as soon as he was coherent enough to do so he sat up and looked down at his wrist.

And his heart fell into his stomach as the air was knocked out of his lungs.

Betty Cooper - 1 year, 238 days.

He didn’t even realise he was shaking until his arm was moving so much that he could barely read the writing embedded into his wrist. It had to be wrong, there was no way that it could be true. Betty couldn’t die, she just couldn’t. It was impossible that someone so perfect and sweet and angelic could just die. There had to be a mistake with the timer, it had to be wrong.

With his eyes blurring with tears he lifted up his hand and harshly rubbed the skin of his wrist, as if he could rub away some sort of mistake. He rubbed the skin until it was red and sore, though nothing changed.

Betty had a year left of her life.

It took him almost an hour before he could show his face from his dorm and head down to the Great Hall. He’d managed to convince himself that the timer was wrong, and later in the day he’d find a book about it in the library. But he had to show his face at some point, aside from Christmas his birthday was one of Betty’s favourite days, and he had to see her. Especially since he might not have that much time left with her.

When she spotted him walking into the Great Hall she immediately sat up with a smile, and it caused his chest to ache to see her so happy now that he knew the time she had left.

Jughead had decided that Betty couldn’t know. He didn’t want her to live the last of her life in fear of when and how she would die. He wanted her to be happy and to enjoy herself. She only deserved to be happy from that moment onwards.

“Hey, what took you so long?” Betty asked as he walked towards the Hufflepuff table as usual, taking his normal seat beside her with a false smile so she wouldn’t know something was wrong.

“Sorry, slept in.” Jughead somehow managed to fake a smile as he put his arm around her once he was seated, dropping a kiss to her forehead which caused her to blush pink and smile bashfully at the action.

“Happy Birthday!” Betty smiled fondly as she moved her arms around his waist, and he smiled a little genuinely as he felt the warmth coming from her body. “So, what does it say?” She gestured to his wrist and he almost blanched.

Nobody but him could see the timer, to make it that much worse, so he had to keep it to himself.

“We’re definitely soulmates.” He smiled slightly, and Betty grinned as she hugged him that much tighter, giggling into his robe as he tried to hug her back.

“I knew it! That’s great! It’s official!” Betty grinned, and he had to try not to break down as he hugged her back, resting his chin on the top of her head as he closed his eyes.

-

In the time from his birthday to Betty’s, Jughead had done everything to try to figure out what could be wrong with his tattoo. With every book he read and every wizard or witch he spoke to, the answer was always the same; the timer was never wrong. After a few days of looking at it he couldn’t bare it anymore, so he constantly kept a black band covering his timer so he could never see it. It hurt too much to even think about.

As her birthday grew closer, Jughead was hoping for another option. If she was going to die so soon, he wanted to as well. He couldn’t live when she wasn’t around. It physically hurt him to think about having to live through her death and carry on while she was gone. If she was going to die, so would he.

Jughead was almost more nervous for her birthday than he had been for his own. Every time her timer was brought up he only had one thought.

Please let mine be the same as hers. Please let me die too.

But on her birthday morning when he walked into the great hall and met her beaming smile from the Hufflepuff table, his heart fell again and he knew that he wouldn’t get the luxury of dying with her.

“Seventy-six years!” Betty had assured his worst thought as he sat down, and he almost threw up. Seventy five years without her was like his own personal hell.

-

Jughead did everything he could to make Betty happy.

He took her to Hogsmeade, he stayed with her and her family at Christmas, and during school was always found by her side. And with every day that passed it ended with his terrible thoughts reminding him that it was all just leading one day closer to her death.

During summer at the end of his sixth year, he knew that he couldn’t go any longer without letting Betty know how he truly felt. All of the love he had for her, that of course she shared as they were soulmates - he had to act on it.

They always had a booth to themselves on the Hogwarts Express at the back of the train; away from loud students and loose pets and Weasley Wizard Wheezes pranks that could probably set them on fire (he’d seen it happen to Sweet Pea once). He always gave Betty the window seat because he knew that she liked to watch the scenery blur by when she wasn’t looking at him.

They’d been on the train for ten minutes and he was a nervous wreck. His palms were sweating and suddenly his tie felt too tight around his neck and he could hear his heartbeat in his ears. It shouldn’t be that hard; they were soulmates for Merlin’s sake, of course she wasn’t going to not like him.

Taking in a deep breath he turned to face Betty, meeting her wide green eyes with his blue ones.

“Betts?” He asked, and she smiled as she hummed and tilted her head a little in questioning.

He swallowed and paused. He physically couldn’t make himself say anything, it was like his lips were glued shut. Instead of trying to force out some words, which he knew would just end in a bunch of word vomit which wouldn’t seem very lovely at all, he lifted his hand up and placed it on her cheek, giving her time to pull away if she wanted, before he leaned in and kissed her. And she kissed him back.

It was like bliss. The air almost completely left his lungs when she felt her smile pressed against his lips, and her hands against his neck as she pulled herself closer to him. She tasted like strawberry lip balm and lemon sherbet and she was so close he could smell her vanilla perfume. It was all making him light-headed.

He pulled away after a moment, and sighed softly as his forehead just pressed against hers. She was warm against his skin as her hand grasped his, and he had to smile as he let his lips press to her temple before he mumbled against her skin quietly in a hushed tone.

“I love you.”

Her dainty hand squeezed his back, and he looked down to meet her eyes and soft smile. “I love you too, Juggie.”

-

After that, he couldn’t be separated from her. He spent practically all summer with the Coopers - a weird experience on his end as Betty was a muggleborn, and Jughead was a pureblood so he had only ever known magical households - and when they were back at school he spent all of his possible time with her. He only wanted to make her happy; to make sure that she would have the best possible year of her life.

With each day that passed he felt more and more sick at the thought of losing her, and the thought of being left without her. He found himself getting more and more upset as the days passed, and often cried himself to sleep every night at the thought of what was to come the following May. Though he never once let Betty see - he didn’t want her to find out and ruin the last few months she had left of her life.

“I really need to get going to bed, if I get caught out after hours I’ll be in trouble.” Betty giggled as Jughead tried to kiss her again, and wriggled out from his arms so she could stand up from the couch in the Slytherin common room. If she was caught out after hours she would be more than just in trouble - with Professor Snape taking the place of Albus Dumbledore, Hogwarts had been all but miserable, and even dangerous for students who went out of line. Though Jughead had given Betty every single secret passage and shortcut through Hogwarts that he knew so she could get back to the Hufflepuff dormitories safely.

Jughead pouted playfully and Betty laughed softly again, a sound that marked him smile.

“I’ll see you in the morning, okay?” Betty smiled, and Jughead nodded as he reached forwards to take her hands, using them to pull her down just enough so that he could kiss her for a long moment.

By the time he pulled away her cheeks were flushed pink and she was smiling a little flustered, and he couldn’t help but be stunned by how beautiful she was.

“Okay. Goodnight Betty. I love you.”

“I love you too.” Betty smiled and gently squeezed his hand before she walked towards the exit of the common room, blowing him a kiss before she left.

And then he was alone. Things were so much worse when he was alone.

Jughead didn’t move from his place on the couch, and just let his head fall into his hands as his eyes closed. Another day passed, one closer until the twenty-eighth of May, when Betty was going to die.

He didn’t even realise he was crying until his throat was thick and his palms were wet against his face. Jughead wasn’t even sure he could make it to May. It was killing him on the inside knowing that Betty was going to die. Part of him still wanted to believe it wasn’t true, but deep down he knew it couldn’t be stopped.

“Jones?”

Jughead looked up through his fingers at the voice, taking in a deep breath to calm himself, though just sighed when he saw Toni hovering by the couch.

Slytherin’s head girl Toni Topaz was probably one of his closest friends. And she was the only other person who knew about Betty’s timer.

“Are you here to kick me up to bed?” Jughead mumbled into his hands with a quiet sniffle, and let his head drop back down into his hands as he heard Toni sigh.

He felt the couch dip beside him before her arm wrapped around him, and he started crying again. Toni didn’t say anything as she rubbed his back, and Jughead appreciated the silent comfort she gave. There was no point in talking about it, because nothing was going to change. Nothing that anybody could say would change what would happen. Betty was going to die and nothing would change it.

-

The rest of the year came and went all too quickly. And as time passed, life at Hogwarts only got worse under the new headmaster. Though even in the darkest of times, Betty still managed to stay positive and happy. Jughead made sure to be with her as often as he could, and one thing he had to credit her for was how she was always so optimistic, even in the darkest of times. Even when they had experienced the most awful day, Betty still managed to make him smile. And it made him fall in love with her even more.

May came too quick, and Jughead spent every second with her. He even resorted to staying in the Hufflepuff dorms with her (after everyone had gone to sleep so he wouldn’t be caught) and even willingly went through his punishment of the Cruciatus Curse when he got caught. Twice. He didn’t tell Betty about that, though, because he would go through it a hundred times just to spend the last month or her life with her.

He walked and met her from every class, ate meals with her, slept with her; he made sure she would be happy.

And then everything went to hell.

Jughead hadn’t even remembered how it had all started, he had been so focused on watching the timer on his wrist go to just hours left, but Hogwarts was being attacked. Severely.

Everything was a mess. Teachers and advanced students were heading out to fight the Death Eaters and countless evil creatures that were breaking into the castle. But none of that mattered to Jughead, as the timer on his wrist changed from hours to minutes; he couldn’t find Betty.

He ran through the castle, avoiding blasts and curses being shot his way that he quickly deflected, despite some injury that came to his way. He met with Toni at the top of the staircase, and after a conversation with her, she told him she had seen Betty in the courtyard.

His legs had never moved so fast as they did in that moment, rushing against the clock to be with her as the timer scrolled down to just ten minutes. Jughead felt sick to his stomach as he ran, pushing past the ache in his body just to be with her. He knew what he had to do.

He caught a sight of blonde hair in the courtyard as five minutes and yelled her name, catching her in his arms as soon as he had reached her.

Betty was sobbing into his robes as she gripped onto him and he held her tightly, promising that it would all be okay. She leaned back from his chest, with tear-stained cheeks and a cut along her eyebrow, and gripped his collar tightly as she leaned up to kiss him. Their last kiss.

Two minutes came around and his hand gripped hers tightly as they ran inside, both of them deflecting any curses that came their way. He didn’t once let go of her hand as he pulled her through the castle, stopping underneath one of the staircase where they couldn’t be seen from one angle.

One minute came and Jughead dropped his wand as he pulled Betty into her arms, kissing her at least five times as he held her tightly, tears in his own eyes. “I love you so much.” He whispered into her hair, and she gripped onto him tightly.

“I love you too Juggie.” Betty whimpered, her eyes meeting his, before they widened as she looked past him at a Death Eater that was stood there, his wand pointed right at her.

Everything went too quick, a blur of colours and actions. The green curse blasted out from his wand right towards Betty, and Jughead held his breath as he moved quickly; pushing Betty out of the way right in time for the green curse to hit him instead.

-

“Jughead!” Toni yelled as she grabbed his arm, stopping him from where he was running to.

His eyes were wide and panicked as he stumbled a little, stopping as her smaller hand grabbed his arm. He didn’t have time for this, he needed to find Betty before it was too late.

“Toni I can’t- Betty-“

“That’s what I need to talk to you about!” Toni rushed, pulling him behind a wall so they could have some safety. “I know it’s today, Jughead, I’ve been trying to find you all day! I found a book in the restricted section that spoke about soulmates and the timer, and it says that someone can take the place of their soulmate and swap their timers if they die instead of them!”

Jughead felt all the air leave his lungs at the news. Betty could live instead of him. Betty could live.

“You have to be with her! I saw her in the courtyard!”

Jughead quickly pulled Toni into a hug, knowing it would be the last time she ever saw him. He mumbled a goodbye against her head and tried to ignore the way she was crying as he pulled back from the hug and ran towards the courtyard to find Betty.

-

His body dropped to the floor and Betty screamed. She didn’t see the spell cast towards the Death Eater that killed them so she didn’t die too, all she could see was Jughead crumpled on the floor.

“No no no, Jug!” Betty screamed as she fell on her knees by his side, her hands cupping his cheeks. He couldn’t die. He still had so many years left. He wasn’t dead.

But when she glanced at her arm the timer had changed. It had one number - zero.

She was shaking as she gripped onto his robes, tears flooding down her cheeks as she cried his name. The battle around her was far from her mind as she shook his body, his limp body not moving no matter how hard she shook him.

Once the battle was over, and his body had been moved to the Great Hall with all of the other bodies, Toni found Betty kneeling by his body. The head girl took a seat beside the Hufflepuff and told her everything; about Jughead’s timer, how badly he had felt for the past year, how she had told him he could die instead. Betty didn’t know what to say in response - she couldn’t say anything. It all hurt too much to try to even talk about it. Toni held her as she started crying again, allowing the blonde to sob into her shoulder as she continued gripping onto Jughead’s now cold hand.

Betty had imagined their lives one day in the future. They would have a house in the English countryside with two boys that looked just like Jughead and a ginger cat that slept on the end of their bed. Their house would always be full of laughter and joy, and they would both love each other as much then as they did when they were teenagers.

But that would never happen, Betty realised with a pain in her chest that was worse than any of those curses that she could have been hit with. They never had enough time.

Dear Miss Kina, it's me again! First of all, congratulations on finishing your final fanfic on this blog! It was immensely what i've been waiting and hoped for. You definitely played with my heart till the very end! It's kind of like - with every fic you've released till now from Seokjin fics to Jungkook fics - every one of them are all so perfectly crafted, every member gets so written well that sometimes time flies so fast when im reading it!

I waited, and read The End for like two hours? And it was really worth it (im wriitng this at like 3am too) like damn i was pausing every second because I was just trying to decipher whatever was happening in each scene, it was all a lot to take in because with each scenario created with the boys, it almost felt like six whole fics crammed into one! The scrollbar was really small n wasn't moving at ALL when i was reading the first few parts and i was like, "wait this feels more like a 60k than a 31k ㅠㅠ" ??? Like how??? But i was smiling as i was reading through the whole thing, to find out it was a Jin centered fic -- and honestly all of your Jin fics are godtier -- i was like "YES YES YES OMG YES I THINK I KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING" n it was real fun to guess which member went next and how the scenario would turn out.

N i really loved how smooth u incorporated both oc and Jin during each scenario, their bickering was so fun and their moments made me go "AWW WTF I WISH I WAS OC ATM" AND OMFG especially that parf where ic asks jin if he ever knew her before everything happened n the whole "like you love me" scene went down -- my mouth was WIDE open i was tearing up and i screamed so loud lmaooo omg ur like the only writer to actually make me react so violently about that ○_○ n when the scene wherein oc wakes up and doesnt see jin and rushes out, the way you wrote it, you sense the urgency and the dishevelled/rampant thoughts of hers when she sees seokjin on the floor bleeding like that and all the way to the hospital scene where she cant even talk despite feeling so sick DAMN i cant even stop staring at the screen even tho my head hurts from being awake all night (but honestly ur worth it)

Like if i had to rank the individual realities where reader ended up with, i think the one i got sadder for was the Taehyung reality -- the oc in that universe couldn't even have time for herself n gradually drowned in becoming a mother and a wife n all i could think of was "tae u should at least treat your wife >:((" n with Yoongi's i was like "whut's happening," and instead of being hurt about it i for no reason started to discuss my thoughts onto thin air "i dont want a partner like yoongi, they dont have time for e/o n thats kinda sad" n thats where i really started to guess maybe every scenario has a major downside but i had to figure it out. N then with Hoseok n Joon's i felt my heart crack a lil bit bc the oc's insecurities in that part (she felt world's apart to hobi n then inferior to joon) i was like...this is me n I DIDNT WANNA FEEL THAT WAY IN A RELATIONSHIP so then again i started to talk to myself looool. Then we have Jimin's that got me like damn :(( thats kind of harsh -- being in a reality with oc in the picture removes the fact that jimin had a stable life. And i guess with every scene you made with all members (did that intend to give me life lessons or sum uhh)

And last but not least, Jungkook's! Not gonna lie, i also thought he was gonna cheat on oc bc she mentioned she was a racer, thats the reason he was late to her bday dinner, but then the dots started to connect when she mentioned why jin looked solemn in the hospital (re: everything that i mentioned a paragraph or two before)

I do know this was loosely based on TATBILB, but as i was reading through it i found so many similarities to it. Like the BTS UNIVERSE incorporated in where Jin goes back in the last to try and desperately change the future where he is not there in order to stop people from getting hurt. And also Orange (one of my fav mangas) where Naho received letters (along with her friends) from her alternate self to save Kakeru from committing suicide, and it had the happy ending too wherein she stopped him from getting right in front the truck (tho there were mistakes that she didnt do correctly)

And that's all 😭🤧 im sorry if this ask was really long. But i wanted to say thank you for creating all of these wonderful stories! They made my day n i could still rmember finding out about you as a baby army myself so i could say you were part of my journey as a new army msksksksk. It was such a great fun time to be waiting for new fics to drop, new chapters released and announcements and funny asks to scroll through on my tl! I do hope you do well in whatever you embark on from now on and hey you'll finally get to publish a book! And i'll most likely read that too ^^ happy 5 years to the blog^^ thank you user Jimlingss, thank you Kina!

omg thank you for this amount of feedback and your extensive praise, I feel undeserving of it hahaha anyway, thank you for taking your time to enjoy the end. honestly, I was aiming for it to be a 50k fic to just really indulge you all as my last story. But as I was writing it, it turned out muuuch shorter to my exasperation. but it still stands as my longest oneshot and I think it ended up pretty great in spite of being so much lower than my intial word count goal. that being said, I'm glad it felt long to you!!

Also thank you for giving me a run down on your thoughts on the other timelines LOL it was really fun for me to think about it as well and consider what OC and Jin would've chosen had they chosen. While each had their downsides, some of them they liked more than others. since you indulged me so much with such a long message, I'll indulge you as well....OC's choices prob would've been JK > Tae > Joon > Hobi > Yoongi > Jimin. While Jin (if he could make the choice for her), it would've been Joon > Tae > Yoongi > Hobi > Jimin > JK.

I came up with the whole idea of the end. while watching TATBILB cause I thought this whole alternative reality worlds was gonna happen but nope, they took a much different direction lol and I'm happy to hear you mention Orange bc that was one fantastic manga I read!! Personally, I find the end. to be the love child between The Truth Between Us and The Seven Kinds of Love (with a sprinkle of Seven Seconds in Heaven) hahha there's definitely elements of pre-existing stories to this guy but I don't mind so much since it feels like almost a call back to them :')

Anyway thank you for the love and encouragement!! I'm sending well wishes to you too!!

Born of Lies, but Learning to Love- Extra

A/N: i thought of this awhile back, when i was working out the plan and storyline, but couldn’t fit it into the storyline. 

So, i thought it’d make it a cute lil extra! It takes place during the two days Y/N had to stay home and heal from her injury's :)

It’s not mandatory to read, but i think it adds a little more to You and Chuuya’s relationship. 

Part One 

Warnings: alcohol consumption, Reader getting drunk, a serious conversation while drunk, F L U F F 

Chuuya’s POV:

It was quite sad watching you drift about the house, like you were looking for something and hoped to find in the various paintings and things he had in his lavish house. 

Chuuya enjoyed the finer things in life, and he imagined you didn’t even know what the finer things were. You looked out of place, dressed in the same clothes he had given you to change into, and despite your sizes being close, the sweatshirt dwarfed your form. 

It made Chuuya sad, because here you looked normal. Like you had never endured the things you had. 

He likened you to an old painting. From far away, it was beautifully constructed, a perfect depiction. but the closer he got, the more he saw the cracks in the old paint. The blemishes, the mistakes. Places where you had been broken and then pieced back together, but much like old paintings, most people never got close enough to notice. Never cared to look deeper than the weapon you were made to be. 

You usually sat in the living room, watching tv. He found it adorable how, out of everything Chuuya had in his house -and there was quite a lot- His tv fascinated you the most. You would sit there for hours, switching back and forth between channels, never staying on one for too long. Eventually, he saw you mouthing the words to a gum commercial, but you stopped when you noticed him staring. 

“You know there’s more to watch than the news and the fashion channel,”

“I know. These require the least amount of reading, though,”

“Do you know what a Soap Opera is?” 

“An Opera involving soap?”

Chuuya chuckled at your literal guess. “Nice try, but no. They’re like regular Tv shows, but way more dramatic,”

“Do they involve reading?”

“Not really,”

“Are there any on right now?”

“No,” Chuuya watched you deflate a little bit, and you turned back to watching a lady explain the difference between satin and silk. 

“But,” You turned back to him instantly. “I just so happen to have the entire series of When Calls the Heart on DVD. Do you want to watch it?”

You slowly nodded your head, like you were scared to give a definite answer. 

Now, you sat in front of of the couch, bowl of popcorn in lap, another thing you had taken a special interest in. 

“You can sit up on the couch next to me, if you want to,”

“I can see the TV better from here,”

Chuuya popped open a bottle of Merlot, opting for something simpler, relishing the smoother and fruity taste. 

Although he would not admit it to anyone, he had already watched all five seasons of it. And shed a couple tears during certain scenes. 

Much to his surprise, you were completely enamored with what you saw on screen. The drama about Elizabeth Thatcher, a young teacher accustomed to high society, experiencing a culture shock when she gets her first classroom assignment in Coal Valley, seemed like the most interesting thing in your entire life. 

During the opening of the next episode, you turned around to face Chuuya.

“What are you drinking?”

“Wine. Merlot, specifically,”

You stared at the glass in his hand, and opened your mouth to say something, then thought better of it, and faced the tv once more. 

It took four episodes of you sneaking glances at the bottle for Chuuya to speak up. 

“Did you want some?” 

You shook your head no, but the way you kept eyeing the red liquid that sloshed in his cup said otherwise. 

He grabbed another glass from the kitchen, then poured a small amount into it, silently handing it to you. 

Against his better judgment, he set the bottle on the coffee table, hoping that if you did like it, you would use self control. 

Chuuya wasn’t a forgetful person. But he did however, forget that if you didn’t know what wine was, then there was no way you knew that, if drunk in large quantities, made you very intoxicated. And that, if drunken on an empty stomach, it enters your bloodstream a thousand times faster. 

“Chuuya -hic- did you know that this subordinate of yours tried to hit on me?”

You were currently lying face down on the ground, legs and arms spread out like a starfish. 

Chuuya found it very hard not to laugh. 

“I made an illusion of me stabbing him, then when it was over, I -hic- slapped him in the face. He deserved it, he was gross,”

“Is that so?” 

You looked up at his face, and then squinted. 

“What are you doing?”

“Looking for any imperfections on your face. I can’t find any, though,”

Even though he was sure you had absolutely no idea how your words could come across, Chuuya could still feel some heat rising to his face. 

He watched you stand up on wobbly legs, then walk towards his seat on the couch. Although, with how drunk you were, it was kind of more like you tripped your way over to him. 

The show was still playing, but what surprised him was when you plopped yourself down on the couch next to him. 

“Sss cold. And your very warm,” you wrapped your arms around his torso, and practically melted into his body. 

You did not move from that position for at least an hour, eyes still focused on the show playing before you. A scene came on where the main couple began dancing, and you turned your wide eyes to Chuuya’s once more. 

He swore that he’d never found you this attractive before this. It’s just the wine in your system, idiot. There’s no way your actually falling for her. 

“Can we try that?” You pointed to the dancing. 

“Sure,” Chuuya shrugged, the little buzz he had washing away his usual inhibition's. 

He stood up off the couch and dragged your drunken form to the middle of the living room. Grabbing your hand’s in his, he slowly swayed back and forth to the sound of the show. It was in no way graceful, you were drunk and never danced before, and he was a bit tipsy himself, which lead to him chuckling every so often when you would trip over your feet, or step on his, but nonetheless, it was enjoyable. 

He was happy. 

Chuuya enjoyed many things in his life, but they failed to make him feel the way he did now, drunkenly dancing with you in his living room while a soap opera played in the background. It felt like a ream, though he was certain that was caused by the amount of alcohol the both of you consumed. 

“Sorry. I’m not good at dancing,”

Chuuya wrapped an arm around your waist and brought you closer to him. “You don’t have to be good at something to enjoy it. Often times, learning to do something is more rewarding than getting it right the first time,”

“Where’s the fun in failing?”

“No one’s good at everything at first, not even you. Humans are exactly that- human. We are not perfect, but the strive to attain anything close to perfection is why we keep going everyday,”

“If that’s true, then what form of perfection are you trying to achieve?” Your words were slurred, but the message hidden beneath did not go unheard. 

Why are you doing this?

“I don’t know. Maybe the reason I get up in the morning is to find out what I’m reaching for,”

You lowered your hands from his, leaning forward to rest your head against his chest.

“For as long as I’ve lived, if gotten up everyday because i had to. That it would be a waste of my skills to stop, to just give up and die. Life didn;t hold meaning, everything seemed so empty and grey. But now that you’re here, it seems different,”

Chuuya wrapped his arms round you and rested his chin on your head. “How so?”

“You changed everything, always telling me i’m worth more than a weapon. I thought you were lying at first, to be honest. But now, I’m not so sure. 

But nonetheless, thank you, for showing me there’s more to life, more to me,”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You both stood that for awhile, Chuuya holding you close, swaying slightly, and you just leaning against him. 

He tried to extract you from his arms, but you tripped over his legs, and fell backwards. Being the gentleman he was, he grabbed you, but didn’t account for the fact that your momentum would take him down too. 

So there you both were, a tangle of limbs on the floor, and he heard it. 

You laughed. 

He was kind of hoarse, like your throat wasn’t used to making this noise, but it was the most beautiful thing he had ever heard. It was a melody he could listen to forever, and at that moment he knew that he wanted to hear it again. He wanted to be the reason you laughed. 

You both fell asleep there, the wine finally kicking in. 

But now, you had each other. 

A/N: omg im so sorry for how long this took to finish, school is kicking my booty. however, the issues have been resolved so i can finally resume writing this. Also this turned out a bit sadder than originally intended???? sorry abt that but the next chapter for this should be done by Sunday, so stay tuned :))))

hiii do you happen to have umbrella academy fic recs??? I’m just now diving into fic for it and I like your takes on it so I was wondering if you could point me in the right direction :)

heck yeah anon!! so flattered that u asked me actually 💖

i tend to like dark/heavy fics so i have a LOT of those but that might not be what you’re looking for - ill give you a few light fics and a few heavy ones.

starting off with heavier ones!! all are gen unless otherwise specified.

out of the dead land by tomorrowsrain

multi-chapter and a WIP

basically klaus is living in a zombie apocalypse when the canon universe five time travels to klaus’s universe (which did have a five who didn’t disappear, but is dead now). this fic is FANTASTIC and lives in my head tent free always, but it’s also pretty dark in places, so make sure to check tags and notes if you read it!

Fall apart without me by Whatisthiswhatamidoing

completed one-shot

this ones JUST sad. but so good. but so sad. major chapter death warning but i don’t want to spoil who dies.

where only the lost can find by hujwernoo

series, completed

amazing AMAZING series. it’s pretty long but worth the read, if you’re able. QUITE dark though. the basic thing is that klaus’s secondary power is the ability to be possessed and it’s been causing problems since he was a little kid, so he finds a way to solve it and that way is drugs. so so sad. it gets sad, then happy, then sadder, then absolutely devastating. there is a happy ending but it goes through a lot to get there. so many warnings im not even gonna go into them all here, but check the tags if ur gonna read it! all the other TUA works by hujwernoo are amazing as well but i don’t want to put too many here. hugely would recommend them all tho this is the darkest.

From The Brink by @aye-of-newt

series, WIP

i LOVE this series it’s. so good. AU where klaus’s powers are weak until he has to use painkillers after his stairs accident, and then he starts seeing ghosts... and everything goes downhill from there, at least for awhile. it’s a rough ride until you hit the happy bits but it is SO GOOD! all of the other works by this author are also great so check those out too!

Lately My Hands Don’t Feel Like Mine by @veteranklaus and @cowboyklaus

Multi chapter, completed

oh i love this one so much. i really do it just also causes me physical pain to think about. it’s so sad and painful in the best possible way but it’s also like. INCREDIBLY dark. the thing is that klaus gets possessed by the handler pre-season 2 and... no one realizes. so he’s stuck in his body, watching and knowing she’s going to do something terrible to his family. huge recommend, but uh this ones also quite important to check the tags.

black flies on the windowsill by millcrs (remorse)

one of my absolute favourites ever it’s so good! AU where diego’s powers aren’t just throwing things. it’s kind of hard to explain what they are exactly but uh. trust me here when i say it’s amazing.

ok onto some lighter ones!

My Job Is To Take Care Of You by michals

one-shot, completed

luther survives the apocalypse because the moon didn’t blow up originally! so now he and five have to survive the rest of the apocalypse. it’s so nice and makes me very happy. love me some big brother luther content!!

Who You Gonna Call? by @himbohargreeves

multi-chapter, completed, part of a series that is a WIP

diego has to solve an unsolvable murder to keep his job. luckily, he’s got a brother who can see the dead! it’s not as easy as just that though, especially when klaus doesn’t want to see the ghosts. very nice and good and funny story and it made me laugh a lot which happens surprisingly little. it’s part of a series but i haven’t read the other parts yet because i keep forgetting but im sure they’re great too!

as the shrike to your sharp and glorious thorn by galaxyowl

one-shot, completed

this is the only romance-centric one i will be including bc. it’s patch/lila! how can i not! that is all i am saying for this one idk what else there is to say. it’s a fun one :)

Common Sense by @buildhogwartsthenwewilltalk

multi-chapter, WIP

klaus is clairvoyant which if you’ve been around long enough you know I’m a big fan of clairvoyant!klaus!! it’s been a while since i read this one and i also don’t know how to explain it but it’s VERY VERY good and i like it a lot.

trans diego & child five by iamnotalizard

series, WIP but it feels complete

title says it all! ftm diego and five is his kid. very sweet and nice with a little angst sprinkled in. no powers AU as well.

backstreets back, alright! by Karturtle (karturtle)

one-shot, completed

gonna use the actual fic summary for this one: ‘The Umbrellas address the Sparrows. Klaus addresses Ben. Everyone gives up, quite literally.’ its. very funny

ok ill probably think of more later but i’m not gonna edit the post lol. i will add links in a reblog ASAP!

hahha me again! could i please request a jisung friends or frenemies to lovers au, maybe some drunk talk is involved, also im a sucker for misunderstandings or jealousy so theres some angst in the middle of the story but ultimately ends fluffy and good. thank you! hope u have a great day :)

my first request fsjafkfjj thank you! i hope you enjoy it, and are having a pleasant day yourself :)

han jisung x reader | friends to lovers au | hurt/comfort, fluff + angst (i am a sucker for hurt/comfort and friends to lovers sdkfdj) | 1.2k words | tw: drinking/alcohol, jealousy, also swearing maybe 

you casually sprawled on the couch of your apartment, waiting for your guests to arrive. checking the time on your phone, it was 6pm - they were due to turn up at any minute.

as if on cue, the door swung open quite suddenly - causing you to flinch slightly. in came your best friend jisung, followed by felix, seungmin, changbin, jeongin, hyunjin, minho and chan. the three eldest carried bags - bringing in the pleasant smell of takeout. one of them had glass bottles that clinked as they put the bags on your kitchen bench.

“are we ready to party?!” jisung climbed over the back of your couch to sit where your feet had been moments ago. this was something he’d started doing some time ago, and he’d landed on you more than once - it had become a reflex to move your feet.

“let’s eat first, that food can’t go cold.” you gently nudged him with your foot before you stood up, everyone soon filling up plates with the various different dishes the lads had brought with them.

as the night progressed, your living room became a mess of beer and soju bottles, blankets and jackets strewn about. everyone was at least tipsy, if not quite drunk already. you felt the buzz in your skull, and everyone’s coordination was definitely off; which was likely why felix suggested that you crack out your old wii and play some wii sports, which resulted in the scene in front of you.

hyunjin and jisung were versing each other in bowling, and it was getting quite competitive. your face hurt from how much you’d been laughing - you’d hardly been able to breathe for the past few minutes, and it didn’t help you were sandwiched between the arm of your couch and minho.

“are they always this competitive when they’re drunk?” 

“yeah. it’s a wonder they haven’t tried to kill each other yet.” he chuckled, taking a sip of... something in a green bottle. you couldn’t quite read the label. hyunjin screeched suddenly and started doing his victory dance wii remote nearly hitting him in the head once or twice. jisung was pouting, and sat down on the cushion by your feet, leaning against your legs.

“aww jisungie, you big baby.” you ruffled his hair affectionately as you got up, going to the bathroom. when you returned after a couple of minutes, they’d decided to play a horror game instead. you returned to the couch, where jisung, minho, and felix were sitting. minho and jisung moved over so that there would be enough room for you to squish yourself between them. as felix played the game, everyone was silent, screeching when there were jumpscares. you naturally brought your knees to your chest, so that your left side was now leaning against the back of the couch and you were facing minho, your back to jisung. you felt jisung bury his face into your back, and there was something comforting in that. 

closing your eyes for a while, you started thinking about your friendship with him. you’d always had a bit of a crush on him, and while you didn’t like to admit it, you’d never get tired of his company. even if he was a little shit sometimes. silently, you decided that you would take those feelings, shove them into a box and kick it under your bed. your friendship was valuable to you, and you didn’t want to risk losing it all because of some human emotions that you could suppress. you’d get over it eventually, right? 

... right?

you opened your eyes again, lifting your head - you’d been resting your head on minho’s shoulder, who was fast asleep. the first thing you noticed was your back felt cold. no jisung. peering in the dark, you didn’t see him with the others, who were playing some combination of poker and uno that they’d tried to teach you once. it was horribly confusing. 

“i think he went that way, y/n.” chan tilted his head towards your barely-even-a-hallway hallway, that lead to the bathroom and your bedroom. “he’s definitely at the ‘sad drunk jisung’ stage.” you nodded, making your way towards your room. you could see the light of your rgb led strips slowly change colour as you knocked gently and opened the door.

silently, you sat on your bed, cross legged by his body. his back was facing you now.

“you okay?”

sniffle. “no.”

“why?” thick silence. “tell me, baby.” silence, with the exception of a few sniffles here and there. he said something quietly, but you didn’t quite pick up on it. “what?”

“you seem close with minho-hyung.” he spoke louder.

“well, i guess so. we’re friends.”

“i-is it more than that?”

“where’d you get that idea, hmm?” he turned around, so he was facing you.

“you were very close to him, practically sitting on his lap.” another sniffle. the way the blue light hit his features made him look much sadder - his eyes, which were glassy, reflected the light, and you could see the tear trails down his cheeks. 

“it sounds like you’re jealous, sungie.” you gently teased. 

he sighed. “yeah, i am. i want you to be cuddling me, to be close to me. i’ve liked you for so long and i’ve tried to hide it because our friendship means so much to me and i know you don’t like me back.” he started crying again. 

you moved backwards, so you were leaning against the wall, a pillow behind your back, and opened your arms. jisung half-crawled onto your lap, so he was straddling you, crying into the crook of your neck. you wrapped your arms around his waist.

“so much for kicking boxes under beds.” you muttered to yourself. “i like you too, you idiot. i didn’t think you liked me back.” 

he moved away to look at you, eyes wide in disbelief. “really?”

“yeah. i value our friendship and didn’t want to ruin it just because i had romantic feelings for you.” he buried his face in the crook of your neck again. you gently tilted your head, kissing him on the cheek. you felt his soft lips press a kiss to your collarbone. he kissed you gently, from your collarbone, up your neck, on your jaw, and stopped after he kissed the corner of your mouth. 

“what?”

“can i kiss you?” you couldn’t help but chuckle.

“you’re cute. of cour-” he cut you off, pressing his lips to yours, your eyes shutting automatically. at first, he was desperate, and then began to relax as you tilted your head to deepen the kiss further, bringing your hands up to tangle in his hair. his lips were as soft as they looked, and he tasted like a mixture of soju and the takeout you’d eaten some time ago. you pulled away, so you could breathe, resting your hands against the back of his neck. how pretty he was, you thought, with his slightly swollen pouty lips, flushed cheeks and messy hair. 

“i’ve been wanting to do that for a while.”

“mmm...” you hummed. “how about you move over a little bit so i can lie down?”

his lips, still slightly swollen, turned into a small grin. “only if you kiss me.”

i literally just remembered the read more thing exists oh my god- anyway, thanks for the request! feel free to request again!! 

Meant for Romance

Word count: 1,893

Part 1/1

Pairing: Taishiro (past Koumi)

Read below the cut or on ao3

Summary:  “So let me get this straight,” Miyako says, swiftly biting into her toast. “You got sloppy drunk on a Tuesday and hooked up with your hot best friend. He let you sleep in his bed overnight and brought you breakfast.” 

“And now you’re here, having breakfast with me,” Miyako says with a bored sigh, “When you could be having a coffee-flavored makeout sesh with your hot best friend.”

Heavily implied nsfw. Lots of awkward. Humor maybe? Largely fueled by too much coffee at 4 a.m.

So warm.

Koushiro doesn’t remember ever feeling so cozy in his life. He knows he needs to get up soon — the morning sun on the other side of his eyelids beckons him to start the day. But sleep is still within his grasp, and his pillow smells so nice, like sage and bergamot and mint. He recognizes that scent, though he can’t quite place it, but his brain supplies him with hot breaths on his neck and a husky coo of his name.

Koushiro shivers, pulls the cotton sheet under his chin, and revels in the way it drags across his skin. His skin. All of his skin.

Eyes snapping open, Koushiro jolts up. The sheet, having fallen to the tops of his thighs, answers his first question, but — Where the hell am I?

He remembers Mimi, her pretty hair pulled back, making her deep-set frown stand out even more. She told him it wasn’t working out, that there’s someone else, that this just wasn’t doing it for her anymore. I wasn’t doing it for her at all.

He remembers calling Taichi, desperate and agonizing. Taichi saying he’d be there in 30 minutes. Taichi hailing down a cab to take them to a bar where “the drinks are cheap and totally worth it.” Taichi making him feel better instantly with big grins and fond laughter because that’s what friends do.

Spotting his clothes loosely folded on the desk chair across from the bed, Koushiro moves hastily and slips his underwear on, left foot then right foot. He knows he told Taichi about the breakup. Well, it wasn’t really a breakup, considering he and Mimi had never put a label to what they were doing, which wasn’t much.

Koushiro was busy, and Mimi was needy. She needed things from him that he couldn’t give. They’d tried to engage in sexual activities exactly twice, and neither time could Koushiro perform. It was something that embarrassed him to no end because he liked Mimi and he thought she was cute, but for the entire 8 months they were seeing each other, his body just wouldn’t respond.

Taichi spent most of that conversation listening, Koushiro realizes now, and he never poked fun or judged him. He loves that about Taichi. He’s working on the fourth button of his white dress shirt when his eyes dart to a Polaroid photo propped up on the desk. In the bottom right-hand corner reads ‘The Yagamis 2002.’  Nonononono.

And it hits him like a bullet train. Rough hands, harsh lips. Hips colliding, hot with need. Smooth, sun-kissed skin everywhere. Taichi over him, eyes wide and lips swollen. “Perfect. You’re so perfect.”

“Fuck,” Koushiro stutters, palms suddenly clamy. He’s got both legs in his pants, pulling them up in one swoop, and he hears the door unlock. Fuck.

“Hey, you’re awake!” Taichi says, smiling. At least, Koushiro suspects he’s smiling, but he doesn’t want to know. He can’t bring himself to look at his friend. He hears a rustle of plastic and something heavy hitting the table, but his mind can only focus on slipping on his socks at light speed.

“Sorry to leave you alone,” Taichi sounds sincere. It makes Koushiro feel worse. “I didn’t have much in the fridge, so I ran to the convenience store down the street. I grabbed that bottled Oolong you like. I hope eggs and — you’re leaving?”

“Sorry, Taichi-san. I have to go.” And Koushiro is out the door, leaving Taichi to stand alone in his little apartment.

***

He’s not sure where he’s going, not exactly paying attention, but he spots a park and some familiar treelines, and he manages to make it to a door, knocking furiously.

A beat passes, and he knocks again.

“Jesus, what!?” Miyako says, whipping the door open and looking like she just rolled out of bed. She eyes Koushiro, his tousled hair, frazzled expression, and haphazard outfit.

“Either you’ve met a very unfriendly tornado, or you’re doing the walk of shame,” she says, causing Koushiro to flush from the neck up. “Ah. Walk of shame, huh? Come in.”

The next 20 minutes are filled with Miyako filling her toaster and putting on a pot of coffee while Koushiro relays the previous night’s events with record speed. He’s beet red.

“So let me get this straight,” Miyako says, swiftly biting into her toast. “You got sloppy drunk on a Tuesday and hooked up with your hot best friend. He let you sleep in his bed overnight and brought you breakfast.”

She pauses to look directly into his soul, and Koushiro would like nothing more than to simply pass away.

“And you panicked.” Miyako’s tone is pointed, but when she doesn’t immediately continue, Koushiro opens his mouth to reply in uncoordinated hand gestures and wordless exasperation. He nods instead.

“And now you’re here, having breakfast with me,” Miyako says with a bored sigh, “When you could be having a coffee-flavored makeout sesh with your hot best friend.”

“It’s not like that!” Koushiro defends. Taichi was his very first friend and probably his closest friend — there was no way he could jeopardize that. His failed attempt at a relationship with Mimi was proof enough that Koushiro isn’t meant for romantic endeavors of any kind.

“I just got out of a relationship!” Koushiro pleads, but Miyako’s expression is solid. She’s not buying this for a moment. Softer, Koushiro says, “And Taichi is my friend. I don’t want to take advantage of him.”

“He obviously didn’t mind,” Miyako, says, annoyed and unimpressed with Koushiro’s half-hearted explanation. Koushiro grunts and looks down at the kitchen counter — he’s not entirely sure he believes himself. Miyako sighs again, this time with a hint of sincere tiredness woven in, and saunters toward her bedroom. “Tragic.”

***

The drive to the office is mostly silent, except for Miyako’s intermittent humming to whatever song is playing on the radio. Koushiro can’t make out any of the words over the sound of his heart thrumming like an upright bass in his ears. Miyako doesn’t seem to notice.

It’s times like this when he truly appreciates her — hiring Miyako as his assistant director was one of his best decisions. She always sorts him out when he gets too caught up in the details. Which is probably why he randomly showed up at her home this morning.

They’re walking into the building, and Miyako greets the receptionist quickly, shielding Koushiro from anyone passing through. He looks a mess, he knows, and Miyako’s being kind by attempting to uphold his reputation. She walks him all the way to his office, reminding him to pull the curtain over the glass windows by his door. She says to find her when he’s done.

It was also Miyako who mothered him into keeping spare clothes at the office after one too many all-nighters. “You look like a trash panda, honestly.”

The morning goes as usual, answering emails, IMing Miyako about the slides for their monthly report. He doesn’t notice when noon rolls around. He doesn’t pay attention when his office door opens, or when the sound of rustling plastic makes its second appearance today.

“Koushiro,” comes a soft voice. Koushiro’s fingers hover above his keyboard and a shiver runs down his spine. “Koushiro,” Taichi says again.

He knows he needs to respond but he can’t pull himself away from his safety net just yet. His fingers touch down on the keyboard again, and he exhales shakily.

“Hello, Taichi-san.”

“I was worried you didn’t eat, so I brought you lunch,” Taichi says quietly. It’s unlike him, and it breaks Koushiro’s heart. He knows he’s being selfish. He knows he should acknowledge his friend, but —

“Koushiro, please,” Taichi says, voice sadder now, a tinge of anguish in that last word. “Can we please talk?”

Koushiro freezes again. He’s so utterly fucked and completely inexperienced in all aspects of what’s sure to unfold here. But Taichi sounds hurt, and he doesn’t want to be someone who hurts Taichi.

He swivels around in his chair, facing Taichi on the sofa but looking at the ground where the toe of his shoe meets the wood floor. He wants to say something, taps his foot a few times, and finally looks up.

“Taichi-san, I —”

“What the fuck?”

“Huh?” Koushiro says, caught off guard. Mimi is storming into his office, face fire-engine red.

“You cheated on me?!” She squawks.

“Excuse me?” Koushiro musters because this is his ex, and his mother taught him to mind his manners, but he feels offended.

“Sora heard from Yamato that you slept with someone last night!” Mimi is causing a scene. A few of Koushiro’s colleagues have poked their heads into the hallway outside Koushiro’s office.

“Did you know about this? Who is she?”

She’s addressing Taichi now, who sinks deeper into the sofa and looks like he might combust, and Koushiro’s blood is boiling. He stands, moving into her line of vision.

“Mimi-san, I hardly think anything I did last night could be considered cheating as we never defined the exclusivity of our relationship and you said there was someone else.” Koushiro says with as much confidence as he can. “I think that gives me the right to do as I want.”

Mimi stomps her foot and raises her arms, ready to shout a thousand expletives, but Miyako is through the door and in Mimi’s face like a forcefield.

“Good afternoon, and welcome to Izumi Corporation. My name is Inoue Miyako, and I’m the lead director of team shut down. As in, I’m shutting this down immediately,” Miyako says, straight faced and with her kindest customer service voice. The first-floor security guard stands just outside Koushiro’s office, already escorting Mimi out. Miyako follows after them, stopping in the doorframe. “Thank you for your visit to Izumi Corp! Have a nice day!”

She smiles and waves, and Koushiro feels like he can breathe again. He has know idea what just happened, and his head is pounding. Miyako’s smile falls, eyebrows pull together, and from the doorway, she points her finger at Koushiro and yells, “I expect a raise!”

She shuts his curtains, slams the door behind her and disappears after that. Koushiro’s mind would normally leave the train station in 50 directions at once, but he’s just stunned. He turns, hoping to find Advil in his desk drawer, and — Taichi!

“Taichi-san, I’m so sorry,” Koushiro turns around to face him, and it’s all he can do because Taichi doesn’t deserve any of this. Taichi is looking at him unexpectedly, reaches a hand up to scratch at the nape of his neck and smiles slightly.

“So,” Taichi says and pauses, looking at the table, “lunch?”

Koushiro stares in awe. Taichi smiles and after a beat, looks up and says, “And maybe we can start this day over?”

They spend the rest of the afternoon talking, and Koushiro apologizes with his entire being. For the event with Mimi. For leaving him. For being so cold. Taichi reassures every “I’m sorry.” Taichi says it’s okay because he doesn’t expect the world Koushiro. Taichi is his best friend. Taichi would like to try last night again. Today, preferably, with less alcohol, but he isn’t pushing.

They weathered a year’s worth of drama in a single day. Koushiro is still breathing, and Taichi still smiles at him like Koushiro is the sun. And maybe Koushiro is meant for romance.

Hey! I can't seem to find the post you made with all the books references in Illuminate Me and the reason behind it? Is it deleted?

I know that there is an incomplete one floating around in my reply tag, and it should be in the Illuminate Me tag, but tumblr’s search features are so bad that I went back to the original word doc of the complete list, so prepare for that particular storm lol.  Quoted/Referenced Reading List (In Order of Appearance) Shakespeare: Macbeth I opened on a Macbeth quote (‘When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lighting, or in rain’) because I wanted to start with something immediately relatable. Most readers were introduced to more ‘dramatic’ plays through Macbeth. Beyond that, they were introduced to the concept of pathetic fallacy, which I think plays nicely with Tony as a character (a man who is CONSTANTLY imparting emotion onto inanimate objects…and then actually giving them their own emotions) and with one of the core problems in IM, which is deciding the emotions of others for them. I was hoping to get the ‘feel’ of that without having to lean too far into the actual concept. 

Bonus: I picked this quote in particular because of the importance of threes in Tony’s life (his core group of friends, iterations of the reactor, number of times reborn, his bot children VS his AI children, the number of lovers or almost lovers he has in the fic, etc). Milton: Paradise Lost ‘What is dark within me, illuminate!’ is a modernization of the original Milton quote ‘what is dark within me, illumine’ for readability. I actually feel a bit bad about changing this considering how many people think this is the original quote now. This wound up being a central (and title) quote somewhat by accident. I’m fond of it because of how much I liked a different one that I had originally wanted for Tony’s thoughts of the reactor: ‘yet from those flames, no light, but rather darkness visible’. I had originally wanted to start off on a sadder note, one that showed how much Tony hated losing his humanity, and so the flames of Hell and their physics-bending concept seemed thematically appropriate. I had always intended to eventually invert the imagery – instead of Extremis being (to Tony) flames capable of extinguishing light, the reactor would become a water-like blue light that couldn’t be choked or recreated by any of the shadows that pursued Tony in his life. I picked Milton SPECIFICALLY for the imagery of light and shadows. 

But, man, listen. Darkness visible is a great concept, but it’s also tired. It has, as you’ve noted, been discussed to death. So as I was reading ‘Milton’s darkness visible and Aeneid 7’ to refamiliarize myself with some of the broader themes attached to that particular piece of imagery, I wound up thinking about how to invert the darkness itself instead of the overall concept. The flames of Hell extinguish light instead of having to exist away from it. It is a bad that cannot be penetrated by good. 

Instead of chasing away shadows, which would be implied by shining a light ON them, the request Tony makes here is to actually invert the darkness - to have it illuminate in and of itself. It’s becoming something better instead of being removed or forgotten. On the flip side of that, the darkness within isn’t growing as light weakens, but rather under its own force. Two forces equal in nature and origin in a person. It’s a different take on lighting than the one most critics hammer home. Long ramble is long, but this was the basis for using that quote. It grew from there to have many different meanings, however the core has always remained. All in all I’m pleased with it.

EM Forster: A Room with a View Very forgiving even in its satirical takes on human nature. A lot of passages are very therapy-quotable in their urging to accept the inevitability of causing some harm in life. It plays on a lot of the same concepts with light being obvious metaphor for good and evil that Paradise Lost does, but softens them into more realistic shades of human existence. Isaac Asimov: Foundation Continuing on with themes of rigid morality vs the flexibility and romanticism of humanity, we have Asimov, master of machines and the three rules of robotics! There are lots of quotable epigrams in this beast. The quote pulled from this has two readings depending on what you assume of the man who has said it. If you see him as manipulative, there’s an insidious underpinning of killing off your own morals. If you see him as a kind man, then you could read it as foregoing morals in place of empathy. Tony’s therapist loves a very specific brand of double speak that lets Tony work through the conversation purely through interpretation. Tolstoy: Anna Karenina Tolstoy’s prose is lengthy...so so lengthy, but Anna Karenina is worth the read as long as you relate to at least one of its major characters. Frankly, I think you can choose to read a single character’s plot arc and leave it at that. It’s mostly a novel that is interesting, not because of its plot, but because of its study of relationship dynamics. Tolstoy was really invested in picking apart the idea of what makes a ‘family’ and, beyond that, what makes a class. It’s refreshing to see so much of the critique occurring within the lived experience of the characters instead of through a narrator or outside punishing moral forces. Baudelaire: Windows and Benediction I cannot recommend enough reading multiple translations of Baudelaire poems (fleursdumal.org has a wonderful array available). Benediction is a personal favourite. I love me some malevolence wrapped up in religion. Dante: The Divine Comedy There’s a lot of bleak humor in Dante if you look for it. Several interpretations insist of making each piece excessively grim dark, but faithful translations tend to have a hint of humor in them. It works well for engraving War Machine’s spine - a benediction and a mockery of human limitations. I try to pick quotes that not only fit the scene, but would still fit into the context of the grander themes from whence they came...unless I hate the author. Tennyson: The Lady of Shallot “I am sick of shadows” vs “I am half-sick of shadows”. Tony’s expressing more frustration here with being alone and his passive involvement in that loneliness. Another quote I feel vaguely bad about changing, haha. The Lady of Shallot is a very nice classical piece that I’m sad isn’t taught in schools alongside Hamlet. There are some nice Ophelia parallels here. I wanted a feminine influence on Tony’s loneliness and one that is somewhat youthful despite his age. Yeats: Vacillation I fucking hate Yeats as a person. That said, the man can write. The man can REALLY write. His pieces are almost always layered to the point of absurdity and he’s perfect to swiping quotes with multiple meanings. Definitely Tony’s kind of author. Goethe: Faust Speaks for itself and in the author’s notes on its reference.  Dostoyevsky: The Brothers Karamasov IMO a book that deserves all the acclaim of Anna Karenina and then some. Very VERY Russian in its ethical debates of, as always, religious morality vs free will. Also dips into familial struggles and patricide, because it wouldn’t be a Russian classic if it didn’t contain some deeply buried bitter resentment towards paternalism. I’m going off-script here, but this is a fucking excellent book. I don’t really have words for how much I enjoy how Dostoyevsky explores the concepts that he does. Shakespeare: Julius Ceasar Shakespeare: Twelfth Night Twelfth Night deserves more credit for its development and maintenance of an enigma. Twelfth Night has charisma in spades both because of and in spite of the exceedingly petty actions of some of its characters. It is also a refreshingly simple take on love for the sake of it. Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland Stephen King: Lisey’s Story I consider Lisey’s Story to be the best of King’s work. The man has his obvious writing ticks and his even more obvious issues as an author. Lisey’s Story contains many of them, but navigates them far better than any of his other work. The monster here is all in the mind and is too vast to truly see or understand. It’s perfectly representative of a creeping sense of inescapable horror. It was fun to flip it on its head with a reference here – Tony isn’t terrified of dying, but he is terrified of his inescapable enjoyment of Bucky’s company. Maria’s family saying is inspired by Walt Whitman’s Leaves of Grass Armitage: The Death of King Arthur A genuinely fantastic classic tale of heroism, filled with all the drama, tragedy, and sacrifice that you’d expect with strongly feminine undertones. I’m a sucker for this kind of thing. TS Eliot: The Wasteland Excellent piece of poetry with many layered meanings and dual interpretations. I can’t really articulate my thoughts on The Wasteland, but I reference an essay at the end of this list that does that for me. Oedipus Rex Rupert Brooke: Safety Not directly quoted but obscurely referenced through Bucky and Tony’s war conversations + Bucky’s conversation about, you got it, being ‘safe’ with his therapist. His poetry is about WWI and is, largely, idealistic. Safety is…not quite an exception to that. His other poetry contains a certain sense of honour and duty, whereas safety, maintaining a seemingly light tone, has nothing of the sort. It is safety in the soul – something untouchable by the horrors of war or death. It treats that as a ‘house’, which leant itself to the article Tony send Bucky. Armine Wodehouse: Before Ginchy Not directly quoted but obscurely referenced through Bucky and Tony’s war conversations + Bucky’s conversations with his therapist. This is also WWI poetry, though far darker than Brooke’s work. It discusses the parts of the heart and soul soldiers lose. It is an extremely good piece AND references Dante’s Inferno. I had to work it in somewhere even if I didn’t want to directly quote it. Meyer and Brysac: Tournament of Shadows Referenced several times over in discussion of war, the great game, and British military history. Beautifully self-aware account of Britain’s insistence on rewriting history after the fact and the tiny hilariously embarrassing moving pieces that shaped what is often considered the heyday of espionage. Murakami: Kafka on the Shore I love Murakami’s response to questions about understanding the novel as a whole. There are no solutions, only riddles presented, and through their interaction the possibility of a solution takes place. It’s a great lens through which to view the book and individual passages taken out of it. Reminds me of The Wasteland having to be read in totality before you can begin picking it apart, after which each individual piece can be read of its own. Kafka on the Shore, with its musings on the uncertainty of fate and redemption, was the perfect book to outline Tony’s horrifying realization, which he is desperately suppressing, that he might be coming to accept Bucky’s feelings. This quote in particular, while I would’ve used it anyway, is also a great callback to the first chapter and its storms. Chapter 29 is a turning point. Beyond it there are some intentional quote contrasts that are probably more easter eggs than they are anything else. Yeats: A Dialogue of Self and Soul Great contrast with Vacillation. Some parts of self and soul are used in that poem and thematically they are connected and contrasted - self and heart vs self and soul. The symbolism and imagery in Vacillation is really on point and layered, but Self and Soul is peak Yeats for its reversal of the typical ‘the soul is pure and bluntly honest and the body is tainted and bad’ in Christian works. Also Self and Soul’s broader context is scrumptious considering the debate poems history of relying on divine forgiveness and lack thereof instead of on forgiveness of the self. 

It was fun to give this poem a double meaning in IM as both hugely ominous and ultimately pointing to the later forgiveness Tony receives from himself through the divine (if the soul stone can be called that) in the heavens (space!). There’s also another fun twist to ‘who can distinguish darkness from the soul’ in its contrast with ‘what is dark within me, illuminate’. To take that a step further, Vacillation was the beginning of the path of forgiveness for Bucky (understanding Tony’s heart…somewhat literally as he slowly gets closer and closer to the reactor itself), while Self and Soul is a final step (re: Bucky being presented the final hurdle of Tony deciding to move forward alone). Hermann Hesse: Siddhartha Hesse is wonderfully blunt at times. I gotta admit I love German takes on spiritual self-discovery because they always seem to tend towards much more straightforward answers than other countries. Hesse’s relationship with Buddhism in literature vs his lived experience is also really intriguing. Anyway, Siddhartha, in its humanizing of Gods, is wonderful contrast to the consistent imagery of the untouchable and unknowable forces of good and evil in previously quoted works. It has stopped bringing humanity to the divine and has started placing the divine within humanity. Emily Wilson’s translation of the Odyssey One of the ultimate poetic epics. Now that we are nearing the end, I’m going overtime with making the grander themes of this whole piece hit home. A lot of IM was built on a foundation of poetic epics, of heroism, and a bit of Greek tragedy. The Odyssey embodies all of those things beautifully. It also suited Thor too well to pass up. Yeats: An Irish Airman Forsees His Death Ah, Yeats. Very blatant foreshadowing here that is keeping with the foreshadowing from Self and Soul. Fate has, up till this point, been a bit of a question. It has been ‘when will it come to me’ and ‘how will I avoid or overcome it’. Now fate is a set point. It is knowable and present. ‘I know I shall meet my fate, somewhere among the clouds above’. This goes for the true onset of Infinity War and for Tony’s feelings towards Bucky – when he had no one, he allowed Bucky in after essentially promising himself he wouldn’t. If that’s not an accidental admittance of love, nothing is. Henley: Invictus Absolutely fantastic poem. Continuing with the heavy fate themes coming into this climax. Now that Tony knows his fate, truly knows it, he is choosing to take it on directly. Agamemnon (Anne Carson’s Traslation if you prefer a more modern language approach, Lattimore is you prefer a classic) Agamemnon is forgotten all too often in the world of poetic epics and it’s a damn shame. I cannot say enough good things about it. I always wanted to use lines from Agamemnon in a Tony fic because the Cassandra parallels were too perfect to resist. The chorus in this play was also a perfect narrative device for interacting with something of a hive mind. Yeats: The Wanderings of Oisin Another poetic epic. Nice contrast with The Odyssey, The Death of King Arthur, and Agamemnon. Here the dialogue is between an aged hero and a saint looking into the hero’s past. It has the kind of reflective and aged mood necessary for this stage of the story, but is actually a poem I sortof hate. The line ‘And a softness came from the starlight, and filled me full to the bone’ is absolutely gorgeous, though. Some final inspiration pieces:

The Penelopiad 

The Iliad 

House of Leaves (for surrealism in the final chapters) 

Dante at Verona (used in an author’s note as an intentional jab at the dull uninspired nature of the this particular take on Dante. Repurposed quote, essentially) 

a broke machine just blowin’ steam by themikeymonster (great character study of Bucky) 

Frank Kermode’s essay “Eliot and the Shudder” (inspiration behind Tony’s entire interaction with literature)

Basically a review of OP episode 503 ig

Currently rewatching post-war arc (in the dub so I don't have any screenshots for u guys sry) and theres a few things id like to point out.

During a conversation Dadan once had with Garp, they were talking about Roger. Garp said that even if they were facing powerful enemies, he would never run away because he wouldnt dare leaving his comrads behind; it wasnt an option for him. Obviously we see this in Ace. But ALSO, isnt this what he did with Katakuri? It was a little different cuz of the setting mostly, but he separated himself from his crew to fight off katakuri, and lied to them about being okay so they didn't worry (he was already getting his ass kicked by then, so he just made that stupid smile and told them not to worry (or smth like that, I can remember the exact line) (that smile was so gross and fake cuz he fucking sucks at lying). Also he said roger destroyed a buncha soldiers cuz they mouthed off his men. That's what Ace tried to do but instead he died. :(

"The pain he went through just made him hold on tighter to the ones he loved" -Garp, about Roger. "Despite his flaws and his bad reputation, his crew still trusted him completely." -also Garp, about Roger. These both sound a lot like Luffy AND Ace.

When Dogra got home and told everyone about Sabo's ship being shit down and him dying (which we all know didnt happen, thank fuck), (by the way the absolutely lost looks on Ace's and Luffy's faces with the sudden silence hurt like a bitch), Luffy started crying and said "WE SHOULDNT'A LET HIM GO, IT'S ALL OUR FAULT". Which fucking says something about him (thinking of episodes 913-915 when he goes fucking berserk, but before that he learns that Kaido probably killed Tama and he says "I should've escorted them..!" (*ugly cries*)). Ace also reacted pretty similarly-- "Sabo...why didn't we go back into town and bring him back here?! We're so stupid!" And he gets mad and asks where he could find the bastard that killed him (obviously not getting a good answer since it was a fucking celestial dragon ugh). That is what Luffy does, in present time. He results to anger first, not sadness. Not sure when he learned to do that but I'm 99 percent sure it was from Ace. Also the blaming himself thing? High chance thats ALSO from Ace. Who else would teach him that self hating behaviour?!

Dadan pins Ace down to stop him from going after the Celestial Dragon to calm him down, telling him he cant do anything, he's not big or strong enough to do anything and he'll be killed as soon as he tries anything, especially since it was the whole country -the whole WORLD- that killed Sabo. He can't do anything. And then they tied him to a tree outside to let him cool off. Oh yeah then he also told luffy to stop crying like a little girl or else he'll- (and he didn't finish the sentence). ...Ok maybe thats why luffy started being more angry than sad.

This is where things get a little more :( . Ace reads the letter Sabo sent them before he died. As he reads, he walks to the end of the forest, to a cliff overlooking the ocean. And starts fucking bawling (btw the voice actor who had Ace's childhood part did not do a very good job, no where near as in character and real as Coleen Clickenberg did with all of Luffy's crying scenes. She was spot on.) ...do you see where im going with that? He isolated himself before letting himself feel sad. It was all rage and then calm beforehand. Y-you see where im going with that. Dont make me say it.

"How's Luffy doing, is he any better?" "Well...he hasnt been eating much, but he still eats twice as much as we do". Oh look, That's what happened after Ace died too. There's a behavioral pattern that hasnt gone away. Not sure why it wouldve tho.

Luffy is mopeing, lying on the ground in a similar setting ace was at when he cried. Hes thinking about some of the things Sabo said, like how theyre gonna sail the seas together, and he clenches his hands into tight, shaking fists. After Ace shows up and hits him, and talking abt some other stuff I don't feel like relaying, Luffy tightens his grip on the straw hat and tells ace, whimpering, he wants to get stronger (and stronger, and stronger, and stronger and stronger and....) And he wants to be the strongest in the world. "And then, I'll protect everyone. I won't lose anyone I care about". He gets stronger mainly to protect the people he loves. And then he asks ace to promise he won't die. To which he hits Luffy again and tells him he should be more worried about himself dying first. And then the famous line that hurts like a bitch- "I'm NEVER going to DIE!" And then this hopeful music comes on (fucking damnit funimation, u gotta do this? Really??) Also he says he wont die as long as he has a wussy little brother to protect. ...FUCK. Ok, the fist clenching is a thing he does all the fucking time, usually when he gets mad. This was different because he wasnt mad, he was sad. He clenched his fist because thinking about it hurt. Which, huh, sounds a lot like his whole episode after waking up from his 2 week coma on the polar tang. To try and stop the mental pain of those horrendous memories, he resulted to physically pain. He hurt himself. So, He clenches his fists in times like these to fight off the mental pain and the urge to cause himself physical pain. Guys, our boy is bad at emotions, help him. ....ok this paragraph is longer than I anticipated so ill dumb down the rest of it ig. Next part, him asking ace to promise he wont die. The music, the body language, the over change in mood- this comforts him. He stopped hiding his face and silently sobbing after ace said this. OH YEAH! didn't he tell jinbe not to die when they parted ways in Totto Land? And then, hes missing still in Wano and we see Luffy is worried....but convinced Jinbe will show up. Again, this comforts him. Hes nervous cuz someone KOFF KOFF ACE broke that promise once. But jinbe is his crew mate so he trusts him, thank god.

"-But whoever did it, they must be opposed to freedom." The whole freedom thing? That runs through Luffy's blood and spirit.His brothers fought for it, his dad is the man who strives to give everyone freedom basically, and Luffy himself has seen enough of the OPPOSITE of freedom to be so, so much more than just against it. Hence why he of course was so eager to free the slaves in Sabaody, the kids in punk hazard, the toys in dressrosa, the country of Wano from Kaido's tyrany. The apple doesnt fall far from the tree huh.

I dont think Luffy would remember his promise with Shanks if it werent for his brothers putting feul to his dream. It was a stupid bet at first; he just wanted to beat Shanks, right then. But after meeting Sabo and Ace, he found the opposite of freedom and human rights. And then he wanted, REALLY wanted, to become the free-est man in the world; the pirate king.

Last one i promise ok? This one is less connected to whats going on in the episode at this point, but something I noticed (its so obvious everyone has seen this ok) was when luffy cries, his posture is always open. He doesn't curl in on himself like many people would do (I know I would, lol). He doesnt hug himself, protect himself. He's just, opened up to whoever is watching, literally. This has a little more to do with something I haven't talked about much in this post yet; his self-destruction issues. I said he tried to hurt himself when he felt mental pain, which is definitely similar. But he cries and doesnt try to protect or comfort himself, like he doesn't have that programmed into his mind. Reminder that he only wants to live because of his dream, and if he doesnt have his dream, he wants to die. (Whoa.). Ok, so no self preservation mechanism at all rlly. Hes basically ride or die. So, when things hurt so much that he cries, he has no hope left. He just kinda...dies inside. So this was mildly different after sabo died. Yes we saw him just standing there, sobbing. But the next day he's still crying, and instead he's laying on the ground. I saw that and the voice in the back of my head told me he wanted to be a part of that lifeless dirt beneath him. Then, Ace walked over. And his words made him feel the hope that I told you about earlier, and he sat up into a sitting position. And HUGGED HIS LEGS TO HIS CHEST. There's some self preservation! Some hope! Some will to exist, to live! Something we saw none of as he sat in front of his brothers corpse, shutting down. He sat there, open to his enemies, incapable of protecting himself. Practically anyone couldve killed him right then and there. I think he mightve liked that, at that moment. Like thank god he has that stupidly good luck cuz if he didn't I swear someone couldve thrown and axe or FUCKING ANYTHING AT THAT MOMENT and hed be dead becuase he never physically or mentally prepared himself. On purpose.

Our poor boy needs some fucking attention and therapists. (Insert my rant post about how jinbe is on the crew primarily for anger management and therapy, not just being a helmsman.) Ugh, smh ugly cries

Aaaaand thats about the end of the episode. Theres so many little tics and peesonality traits that you notive thru this episode, and I only noticed them cuz im rewatching this part of the show for like the third time. I don't react as much as the first time of course but some things are definitely sadder after knowing what's going on and what will happen later on.

Moral of the story (post)? I think luffy is almost equally as alike -if not, more similar to roger as ace is. Also, high key genuinely think Luffy met like NO ONE but Garp before he met Shanks and his crew. What the fuck was his first like 5 years of being alive like? (He wantd to be a pirate cuz Garp didnt want that. Rebellious baby asshole. And then shanks made things worse, in a good way for luffy. And then ace and sabo made that worse thing worse for a good reason. Luffy lives...for those influences. And that is fucking it. Why.

Oh thanks tumblr for moving my picture to the bottom of the post u fucking idiot

revenge is a fool’s game // arthur morgan — [03]

pairing: arthur morgan x female!reader

word count: 1895

warnings: strong violence, emotional distress, mentions of torture, rape and sexual abuse, explicit sexual references, a whole lotta angst, cowboy stuff;

notes: i am so so sorry for the late af update!! things got carried away at work and i was trying to finish my peter parker story (sighhhh). anyway, this is a short chapter, but do expect an update pretty soon~

not following a taglist for this, i can’t seem to keep track of people who ask so just check on my masterlist~ 

masterlist in bio~

Chapter Three: Ain’t No Foolin’ John Marston

○

(y/n) woke up, just before day break, and panicked. She looked around inside her tent, and breathed slowly before realizing she was actually panting. Her hair was a mess—and she was glad she had cut it to a boy’s regular messy cut, but she wasn’t wearing her bandages. 

Without her bandages, her breasts would pop out. She was big enough to alert the people around her that she wasn’t a boy but a boy in disguise. Without question, she quickly took her shirt off and began to tie the bandages around her chest, tightly. Each time, she felt she tied a bit too tighter—forever compressing her chest to one without breasts.

She hated that she had to do this; she hated living in disguise. She would normally love scents and everything that came with being a woman, but now—now things were different and unforgiving. Her long hair that she had adored once before was trimmed away, and her cheeks were unmoisturized beyond control what used to be soft and smooth. She missed being a woman, but now she had no choice.

After tying the bandages around her, she put her shirt back on. Through the tiny holes in her bottle green tent, she observed that it was breaking day. She had a tiny mirror using which she fixed her hair—and turned into a boy again.

Through Dutch Van der Linde, she would find Colm o’Driscoll, and through Colm she would find a slight bit of redemption. Colm was someone she would take vengeance for herself. He had nothing to do with her brother, but had done something terrible to her. Words and lies were carved carefully to sting her in such a fashion that the sting would never heal, and what remained was a ghost of a person with an inability to move on from the pain caused. She had a plan, and no sympathy and no compassion came close to bringing her down from what she saw needed to be done.

“Riley!” 

She heard Susan Grimshaw’s voice call from outside. Her heart sometimes ached when she heard her brother’s name, but she was her brother now. 

“Come out here and gimme a hand, boy.” She didn’t sound mean, she sounded nice, as a matter of fact.

Riley stepped out of the small tent, looking timid. He blinked a couple of times and noticed Mrs. Grimshaw smiling at him. The smile reminded him of his own mother’s, but Riley tried not to think of anything regarding his past (her past).

“The horses need feedin’, boy. Here,” Susan motioned toward the stack of hay. “Take this to them horses over there. Make yerself useful here and you’ll belong quite alright.” Susan smiled and Riley nodded.

“My,” Susan sighed and said softly. “I sometimes forget ya can’t talk. Poor soul.”

The only reason (y/n) chose to leave Riley dumb was because her voice was far too feminine to hide. She was always told that she had a beautiful voice when she sang, but it sounded too much like a woman for a man.

While Riley was moving one haystack after another toward the horses, he observed that there were eyes on him. He paused for a second and noticed a boy watching his every move—unashamedly, not looking away even after Riley caught him doing so. The boy’s name, he could recall, was John Marston. He was around fifteen years of age, and far too aggressive for his own good. Riley watched him staring at him for a brief while before tilting his head a bit and getting back to work. It had been close to a few days since Riley joined the Van der Linde gang, and while even Arthur stayed out of insulting the boy, Riley noticed John’s hesitance in talking to him.

“Give him some time,” Hosea had said, when he first observed this behavior. “The boy’s got a nasty past.”

Nasty past, (y/n) thought before piling the hay carefully in the stack where it was supposed to go. I understand nasty pasts.

A moment later, Hosea approached Riley and grabbed the boy’s arm. Riley’s face turned pink—(y/n) still not used to being touched so freely by a man twice her age, but tried hard not to show any signs of discomfort.

“Need to talk to ya, son.” Hosea’s tone scared Riley. Instantly, he knew that it was something related to the confession he had made about the o’Driscolls.

Riley blinked at Hosea, while being led inside the white tent. Arthur was standing by the entrance, no expression on his face. Arthur noticed Riley and gave him a small nod, I think he understands that I’m a member here now, she told herself. He hated me before, she thought before blinking a couple of times. Arthur grunted once before straightening his posture. Dutch was entering the tent.

“So, son,” Dutch said before continuing, “You hate Colm,”

Riley didn’t nod. She didn’t hate Colm, it wasn’t hate. It was hard to explain without telling them some part of the story, and that was what he didn’t want to share.

“And you want him dead.” Dutch stated facts.

Riley blinked.

“The thing is, we don’t like him all that much either,” Hosea said, in a calculative manner.

“We’re teamed up wit’ em right now,” Arthur said, sighing. “Dutch and Colm had a… what ya call, a ‘partnership’ o’ sorts.”

Riley didn’t understand. He made a face, which conveyed his exact emotions.

“See Colm’s got a brother, Wyatt.”

(y/n)’s blood boiled. Oh, I know Wyatt o’Driscoll damn well, she thought before frowning. Hosea noticed the sudden change in Riley’s face, but chose not to comment on it. There were some stories each of them carried, with no want or need to divulge them. What he wanted to comment on was the fact that Riley’s wish to murder Colm intersected with their own wish to end their partnership.

“Wyatt’s got his eyes set on Dutch,” Hosea said, sighing bitterly. “Wyatt is plannin’ on handing Dutch over to the authorities for the bounty.”

“Let him try! I can rip his head off his skull and still make him see the end of it.” Dutch said, sarcastically, with a weird grin on his face.

What Riley didn’t understand was why they were telling him this. He knew that Dutch didn’t like Colm, and he knew that they felt the same way about all of the o’Driscolls, so why were they telling him this plan?

“We kill Wyatt first.” Dutch said.

(y/n)’s heart picked up pace. Wyatt was fourth in her list, ending his life meant getting closer to Colm. She nodded once before taking her notebook once.

Wyatt has this horse he loves. We get to his horse and we get to him. He’s a dumbass with very little that he cares about.

Hosea laughed as he read out Riley’s note. “This is why we needed you, boy! Somethin’ tells me you’ve been on the insides of the o’Driscolls’ party!”

It’s the other way around, Hosea, (y/n) thought bitterly, forcefully blinking tears away. Arthur watched the boy, before noticing the sun fall on the boy’s shirt. There was a dark patch in his chest, which looked almost made up. It was like he was wearing another shirt inside the one that he could see. Arthur blinked before clearing his throat and looking away, it wasn’t his business.

“Alright. We get to his horse. Can you identify his horse, boy?”

Riley nodded.

“Dutch,” Arthur said, before looking at Riley. “How can we know we can trust ‘im?”

Riley’s heart dropped. This was one question that he was hoping no one would ask. It was a good question, she had to admit, because how can anyone be sure that Riley himself wasn’t an o’Driscoll?

“Actually, that’s a great point. What if Colm sent you here and if this is all a trap?” Dutch spoke out loud.

Riley’s eyes filled with tears. He wrote in his notebook.

I had a sister. Colm and his brother raped her every night after saving her life one day. They raped her and ruined her life. She is no woman no more. I’m doing this for her. And I’m doing this for myself.

I’m doing this for you, brother. Rebecca’s voice was for herself only.

“I.. I’m sorry to hear that, son.” Dutch said, sympathetically.

Hosea patted the boy’s shoulder before saying, “You don’t have to say anything more than that, Riley.”

Arthur, on the other hand, was the most shocked. He didn’t once think Riley could have gone through so much. After having cared for Mary so much, he understood so much about how hard women had it for themselves. Their torture would always, always exceed the pain that anyone can give to a man. Women were strong, and hurting them came easy.

Rape, Arthur thought, was unforgivable.

He watched Riley get back to his chores, sad face and sadder eyes, and a soft spot bore in his heart for the boy. To lose a sister the way he had, must have taken more than just anger for him to come huntin’ after them o’Driscolls, Arthur thought.

○

That evening, Riley sat alone by the fire. He was thinking about what he had shared with Hosea, Dutch and Arthur, and he wondered if it was the right thing to have done. They wouldn’t have trusted me, (y/n) thought. Arthur is suspicious of anyone new, she sighed. A moment later, she felt someone sit beside her.

It was John. He had a scowl on his face, and his hair was a mess. From the past few days, she’s noticed that John was what they’d call, ‘a problem child’. He was naughty and barely did any chore around the camp. Susan would have to scream at him repeatedly to have him eat.

“I know you’re a girl.” John said, glaring at Riley.

Her blood froze. She suddenly felt very exposed, but this was a fifteen year old child and this old jibe was thrown off the window by Arthur the first time it had happened. Riley turned to look at John and glared back, trying hard to keep the glare on and not let the fear show.

“You’ve got breasts, and you ain’t got no penis.” John said, softly.

Riley shook his head and turned away, red faced—but in front of the fire, one couldn’t tell. She hoped John wouldn’t be able to hear her rapidly beating heart.

“They might think I’m some stupid hillbilly,” John said, “But I ain’t gonna ever call a woman a man.”

Riley took out his notebook and hoped John could read.

Go away, John. I don’t have to prove shit to you.

“Alright, ma’am. I know no one ain’t gonna believe me, but I know yer secret. Riley or if that’s what your name is. You ain’t a man. Yer a lady. A lady dressed like a hillbilly. Don’t know why an’ I don’t care. But you ain’t foolin’ me.” John said, before getting up and walking away.

Riley waited for a moment. He hoped no one heard this conversation, and he hoped no one cared for John’s words. Because of the way he behaves, no one took him seriously. However, John’s hunch, if it was a hunch, was right. Riley was no man.

(y/n) was scared for her life now.

GODDAMMIT IF YOU WATCH THE CHAPTER 6 ALL OVER AGAIN ITS EVEN SADDER. IM ALMOST CRYING AND ITS NOT EVEN THE SAD-SAD PART. WTF.

I want to make spanish subtitles for the miniseries so i must watch all the chapters again. this is a rant about over the garden wall chapter 6 but also includes some spoilers of the end. read at your own risk. 

----

LOOK AT MOTHER FUKING BEATRICE TRYING SO HARD NOT TO TAKE THEM WITH ADELAIDE. 

AND WIRT IS LIKE "OMG LIFE IS SO PRECIOUS LETS GO TO ADELAIDE I WANT TO LIVE AND GO BACK!" AND STARTS SINGING WITH GREG ABOUT ADELAIDE

AND TRIES TO MAKE HER SING AND BE HAPPY 'CAUSE HE DOESN'T KNOW WHY SHE'S SAD.

extra thing i didn't noticed before 'cause im slow, she started insisting wirt to play the bassoon after he said "that would kick us from the boat for sure"  

and THEN HE STARTS PLAYING AND EVERYBODY IS HAPPY BUT SHE ISN'T AND HE TRIES AGAIN AND GOES "thanks 4 ur support." BUT THAT MAKES IT WORSE. U KNOW. CAUSE SHE SAID THAT SO THEY COULD GET KICKED. AND THEN THE GNOME GOES "NOW WE CAN GO TO ADELAIDE"

but WAIT CAUSE OBVIOUSLY THERE'S MORE SADNESS BECAUSE WHY THE FLIPPING HELL WONT THERE BE MORE ANGST, ITS HELL ANYWAYS.

THEN WIRT TALKS BOUT HIS FEELINGS AND BEATRICE IS LIKE "HELL YEAH STAY HERE WHY WOULD YOU GO BACK HOME" AND YOU KNOW WIRT'S THINKING LIKE "YEH THEY HATE ME ANYWAYS, NOONE WOULD CARE"  WHICH IS A REALLY BAD THING AND JUST AFTER THIS DEPRESSIVE SHIT HE AND GREG DISCOVER BEATRICE BETRAYING THEM SO THIS IS BASICALLY WHY WIRT STARTS ROTTING.

(then we have sad little Greg trying to be cute and wants to talk to the president but he's talking to the other frogs, this made me sad since the first time, it breaks my heart. we love you greg. go little elephant. be a hero but dont- DONT BE THE HERO GREG PLEASE NO)

 have a crying beatrice screaming for greg and wirt to come back, just so you die a bit more inside.

At least Benjamin Franklin comes back with Greg, he will need him because now Wirt is accumulating so much angst and sadness you can fuking sense it. I'm sure the trees are all grey because of Wirts angst.

look at this shit. he's so fuking sad, it shoudn't be legal. this is a really cute and precious moment but wirt is just "lets go" even greg goes sad when he hears his bro rushing him into the creepy forest.

MY HEART IS NOT ABLE TO WATCH ALL OF THIS MADNESS AGAIN. PLEASE STOP WIRT. LOOK AT THE FROG. LOOK AT GREG. LOOK AT THE HAPPY ELEPHANT. DONT DO THIS.

omg do all the dnd asks im so curious !!!

Long boi this one is

1. A favorite character you have played.

This is a hard one, I was a real big fan of my storm barbarian Tiffany, or Unfaceable the ranger I played awhile ago.  They were more or less the same character

2. Your favorite character that someone else has played.

Oh absolutely Ragnarok the Winged One, he was my friend Juan’s first character I think (if not first one of the first).�� He was a white dragon born sorcerer, who didn’t actually have wings for 96% of the campaign.  He also hated capitalists so goals really. 

3. Your favorite side quest.

One time I tried to set up a One night ultimate werewolf side quest, and it kinda worked, it’s just we stopped playing for like 2 months and they didn’t finish it.

4. Your current campaign.

I’m currently in Dungeon of the Mad Mage as an Aasimar Warlock!

5. Favorite NPC. 

Pit Man.

6. Favorite death (monster, player character, NPC, etc).

So, technically they didn’t die, but one my players character went into the Negative Plane to marry a nightwalker who was going to be the final boss, but I felt really bad for all of them after making them do a like 4 stage thing.

7. Your favorite downtime activity.

Rivals!!!!!  They are the coolest thing.

8. Your favorite fight/encounter.

The Strahd fight when I ran CoS last year was p cool, they all died but it was really not close (They got him to like 15 hp but there’s still tons of bullshit to do after that) or the final fight I did as Unfaceable, we fought a beholder and I was paralyzed for like 6 rounds.

9. Your favorite thing about D&D.

Honestly, I enjoy seeing people get excited about playing the game.  Like when Juan (Tbh he’s just my all time favorite player sorry everyone else) got a crit while we were playing in the cafeteria and just fucking yelled about it.

10. Your favorite enemy and the enemy you hate the most.

OH fccuk this is a hard choice.  I really think Nightwalkers are like the coolest right now since I love Negative plane shit.  I think dragons are kinda overrated as enemies tho, i don’t hate them really tho since dragons are dope as fuck.

11. How often do you play and how often would you ideally like to play?

I Dm about twice a week and play once a week, Ideally I’d play or dm every day and have no other obligations but life is simply unfair

12. Your in game inside jokes/memes/catchphrases and where they came from.

Temaridy

13. Introduce your current party.

We’ve got Krosnis, my Celestial Warlock, Temaridy, a Tiefling Fiend Warlock, Sigil, a Warforged Eldritch Knight, Ketla, a uh, the elvish giants, FIRBOLG, Moon Druid, and shit fuck uh, the Abjuration Wizard, who’s name is, uhh, Enzio?  Idk his name but the player canonically decided he looks like Fenris so that’s all that matters.  

14. Introduce any other parties you have played in or DM-ed.

Hmmm this is a tough choice there’s tons of them....  I’ll do the first party I solo DM-ed for I guess since they were p cool:  Hellspawn, a Tiefling Monk with the homebrew way of the 8 gates of hell subclass (He was so goddamn edgy, and played by @t-rexquefuturus even tho he doesn’t really use tumblr), Thargus Irvin, a Totem Barbarian (Played by @themonotonyofdays fun fact i guess?), Borges, an Alchemist who was just trying his best, Mikono, who was also trying his best but was much sadder about it (Played by @tsurikun so double fun fact in one post actually boom), uhhhhhh, Delgor?  Delgar?  Del-something, a Battlemaster Warlock multiclass, i’m not sure what delgar was triyng to do (other the complain about hellspawn yeah i went there they don’t have a tumblr so none of you better snitch on me i stg) and last (literally he joined in towards the end of the campaign) Magnus, a uh, Mystic, he was there

15. Do you have snacks during game times?

Yeah usually, me like snackys

16. Do you play online or in person? Which do you prefer?

I do both!  I prefer in person since it’s harder for people to talk online since it all gets muddled

17. What are some house rules that your group has?

Er, on the sly anything goes tbh if it seems cool enough

18. Does your party keep any pets?

In the current one we have so many familiars it’s crazy.

19. Do you or your party have any dice superstitions?

Amy (The one who loves pit man) rolls all her dice at the start and takes the one that did the best

20. How did you get into D&D? How long have you been playing?

In highschool i played 2 times for like, 10 hours each time?  that was so fucking long holy shit, and the freshman year of college i started co-dming a group and then it took off from there

21. Have you ever regretted something your character has done?

Tbh, not really?  Like, 80% of them are dumb as fuck so jot that down, but I don’t usually do stuff in game that I regret, except that one time i died but it was to be a hero so worth it

22. What color was your first dragon?

I think it was a baby black dragon?

23. Do you use premade modules or original campaigns?

I use both depending on how busy I am

24. How much planning/preparation do you do for a game?

Depends?  I usually do a lot of long term planning early on and then not too much per session

For DMs

25. What have your players done that you never could have planned for?

The one group got really attached to some meaty boiz, and then the one player killed all of them and like most of the party, great way to end the campaign

26. What was your favorite scene to write and show your characters.

Oooo, hmmmmmmmmm, I really had a good plan for the end to this arc (the one with the nightwalker) but it kinda didn’t really happen how i planned which was a bit of a bummer, but it worked out in sort of a better way

27. Do you allow homebrew content? Yeah as long as it doesn’t seem like super busted

28. How often do you use NPCs in a party?  I usually give npcs if they need like a healer or something, like Kargol

29. Do you prefer RP heavy sessions or combat sessions?

I don’t really have a preference for either?  My groups get a lil bloodthirsty if they go too long with a fight usually (Except you @themoragontrail just pacifist running a whole session and a half)

30. Are your players diplomatic or murder hobos?

Oh definitely murder hobos

For Players

31. What is your favorite class? Favorite race?

Oh this is hard, I’m a big fan of Warlock customization and flexibility, I don’t really have favorite race (It’s tieflings I read homestuck feel free to at me)

32. What role do you like to play the most? (Tank/healer/etc?)

I’m usually a tank/front line, It’s where I like to be, does it always end well?  Not even close, does my warlock have more hp than our fighter?  Hell fucking yes

33. How do you write your backstory, or do you even write a backstory?

So, it depends?  I usually do it last once I’ve made the rest of the character and use it as a reason why their the way they are now.  And I give like 65% of them heterochromia cause i thinks it’s sick as fuck

34. Do you tend pick weapons/spells for being useful or for flavor?

as someone who loves lances, need i say more?

35. How much roleplay do you like to do?

It depends on what game i’m in, i usually don’t do too much rping in combat heavy stuff, but i like to, and also i love rping sub 8 int, or 14>= int but that’s just me irl and let me tell you, I’m a dumbass who will eat the exploding rock

hey i dont know if anyone would be interested in this but this is the back story i wrote for one of my dnd characters a WHILE ago that im finally allowed to leak and its something im very proud of and she’s a character who means a Lot to me 

so here’s the story of gwyndolin, half-elf warlock of the raven queen

(warning for things like suicide as well as Fantasy Racism & parental neglect) 

you can also if you want a complete experience listen to the playlist i made for her, which for once i took the time to really think about the songs and make them chronologically follow along her story  https://open.spotify.com/user/1226762026/playlist/4p9jT3uiew58QetdfQCmEn?si=ElqSvpmATFCUfCE-dtZXqQ

OKAY here we go: 

Sundamar Trismyar was born on a chilly Autumn evening in Nyva Serine to uncertain parents and an even more uncertain future. While neither parent would admit it, they both had dark wishes that maybe the child wouldn’t make it. That such a child wouldn’t have to live with their mistake and live in a world that would no doubt try its hardest to kill them. Unfortunately for both, and unfortunately for the child themselves, the child survived.

From a young age it was clear that Sundamar was… different. While he couldn’t ever fully explain why, he never really felt comfortable in his body, always dwelling in it like an uninvited guest. He always assumed it had something to do with his half-elven heritage; the blood coursing through him not understanding this world any better than he did. That didn’t quite explain it all, though. There were times when he was younger before the world really began to hate him, before people fully understood what he was, and yet even then he had that off feeling.

Aside from that off feeling, Sundamar had a normal enough childhood. Or at least, as normal as a half-elf could expect in a predominately elven city. He wasn’t allowed to get out of the house much, choosing instead to devote much of his time to reading, something his father taught him at a very young age. Much of his time was spent living vicariously through the tales and legends he read about, with him having a particular fascination with stories of the gods. A quiet child, he spent much of his time in his room. He never really felt his parents were neglectful, but he very often couldn’t shake the feeling that they were maybe a little resentful of him. Even before the world began to truly show how little it cared for him, he began to learn his existence was wrong from his parents.

It wasn’t until he began to attend a private school in the city at the age of 7 that he began to truly see how unwanted he was. His parents had warned him that perhaps schooling wasn’t the best idea, that he could learn just as much at home, but he had big dreams of becoming a diplomat like his parents and knew from studying that all the best diplomats had gotten proper schooling. The beginning of school was marked with him doing his best not to stand out, trying to blend in as a pure elf with the hope that staying out of the limelight would keep suspicion off him. This worked for a while, until he befriended a girl named Valtris.

He hadn’t exactly planned on making friends, but once while doing a group assignment he was partnered up with Valtris, and he found her strangely easy to talk to, especially compared to the other children in their class. After that day they would often work together whenever they could, and would play together during their break time. This went on for a few months, all up until the day that her dad came to pick Valtris up - a man named Zanlannah.

Zanlannah was the main man that Sundamar’s father worked under, and he was well known throughout the city for being for pro-high elf, and only high elf. Humans especially he viewed with great disdain, seeing elves as genetically superior with their longer lives along with natural dexterity and skills when it came to magic. The only thing he hated more than humans were half-elves, who he saw as a mockery of his race, an unnatural diluting of their genes. He had met Sundamar a number of times before during business meetings with his father, and from the beginning was disgusted by him.

Seeing his child playing with, as he put it, a “disgusting half-breed” caused Zanlannah to fly into a rage, shouting at both Sundamar and Valtris in horror. He demanded that a half-elf such as him never be allowed to be near his daughter again, and as Valtris attempted to protest, her father silenced her with a quick smack. Silently crying, Valtris was lead away. He would later be told that Valtris was sent off to a private school in another city, and he never heard from her again.

After this, the floodgates were opened and hatred toward Sundamar began to rush out. His classmates all quickly took to bullying him, taking any chance to assault or humiliate him. Zanlannah’s outrage must’ve reached others throughout the city, for soon other elven nobility were looking at Sundamar with disdain as they passed him on the street, and he often found himself being followed home by masked figures. His family suffered as well, with Xalph’s position as a diplomat constantly coming under fire, his mother being spat at and called a “human whore,” and their house often being vandalized.

Sundamar blamed only himself. It was his fault, he thought, for his existence was the source of all this misfortune. He began to resent his parents too, feeling it was irresponsible and unfair of them to have a child such as him knowing what kind of world he would be born into. While they tried their best to understand, any hope of connecting to Sundamar was now lost, and there was frequent arguing between them.

As Sundamar began to enter puberty, he found himself growing increasingly sadder, and angrier. While he continued his studies, he had no friends, and his school days were full of insults and injury. Even his home life wasn’t much better - most days he’d immediately lock himself up in his room, and any time he ventured out would very often lead to an argument with his parents. He hated who he was, he hated WHAT he was, and he hated this world that was so unfair to him just for being alive.

On top of all of this, around the age of 12 is when his dysphoria really began to set in. He watched as his classmates and himself were beginning to grow, and somehow watching his girl classmates grow filled him with a deep longing that he couldn’t describe. As he began growing taller, his voice beginning to deepen, he found himself wishing he could stay shorter, that his hips and chest would grow like that of the girls in the class. This feeling made him feel even more confused than he already was, growing even more unsure of WHAT he was.

It was right around this age that a fateful day happened, a day he was home sick while his parents were off at work. Growing bored of lying in bed all day, he began to dig through a closet in his family’s home, and came across a collection of old clothing from his mother’s youth. Taking out a dress that looked right about his size, he stared at it for a while and, thinking about his classmates, tried it on. As he looked in the mirror, he was struck by how right it felt to wear, how right he looked wearing it. Trying on different clothes, he spent hours staring at himself, feelings bubbling inside of him that were a mix of great happiness and also deep sadness. Eventually, he tore everything off and went back to bed, spending the rest of the day crying for reasons he couldn’t understand.

Years went on like this as he entered his teenage years, feeling his body grow in all the wrong ways while the world’s view of him continued to grow in hatred. Insults from his peers turned into open attacks, and he would often come home covered in bruises. His parents tried their best to talk to him, to talk about what was happening and how he was feeling, but he constantly shoved them aside.

The one solace he had came around the age of 16, when he met a young girl named Arveene. While walking home from lessons one day, he suddenly felt the weight of his coin purse no longer there. Spouting a young girl running down the street, he sprinted after her, and after several blocks caught up to her. Backing her into a corner, the girl suddenly pulled a dagger on him. At first fearing an attack, Sundamar realized that the girl was crying, and that she was terribly skinny. Realizing she must be living on the streets, he took pity on her and offered to buy her food along with anything else she might need. While at first suspicious, she eventually agreed, and Sundamar set her up with food to last her a few weeks along with new clothing and a sleeping mat.

This lead to a several year long friendship, with Sundamar slipping Arveene what extra food and money he could, even letting her stay at his family’s home whenever his parents were out for extended periods of time. In return, he found himself with his first real friend since the age of 7. Despite their difference in age they could relate in how unwanted they were to the world, with Arveene being an orphan who escaped from an abusive orphanage and eventually ended up in the city. Finally having someone he could trust was something Sundamar had never experienced, and it did wonders for sorting out a lot of what he was confused about. He even managed to talk about his gender confusions with her, and she was nothing but supportive, saying he should live however he wanted to.

As Sundamar entered adulthood, he struggled to find work. He set out to become a diplomat like his parents as he always dreamed, however his name had been smeared by Zanlannah, and even with his father’s connections few people were willing to work with him. Doing odd jobs throughout the city, he began trying to save up enough money to off to a different area, a place where he could maybe escape the cruel treatment he had experienced in Nyva Serine. And, maybe once he’d found a more accepting place, maybe even begin finding ways to live as a woman.

By now she had accepted that she was a girl. Thinking about it she knew she had accepted it years ago, all the way back to the age of 12, if not sooner than that. Such a revelation put her mind at ease, clearing up a lot of her confusion, but it also left a great sadness within her. She knew that despite her best efforts many people would never see her as the woman she was, especially when she was already seen as such a joke. Not knowing how her parents would react, she never brought the subject up with them, only mentioning it to Arveene in the few times they managed to see each other now that Sundamar was so busy.

Sundamar.

She realized the name couldn’t stay, but she didn’t know what to call herself instead. There were a few names she thought to maybe try, and even had Arveene try calling her a few of them, but none of them felt right. This left here starting to doubt herself - maybe she was being silly, maybe she really was a man, this entire thing was just a phase. As good as it felt to think of herself as a woman, she felt awkward, almost ashamed thinking of other people addressing her as such.

Things continued to get worse for her. While she accepted herself as a woman, her dysphoria ran rampant as her days became a constant swirl of “sir” this and “boy” that. Relations with her parents grew worse and worse as keeping a steady job grew harder, with them implying that it was maybe time that she move out. Attacks on her grew more frequent as she went throughout the city trying to find work. Her opinion of herself dropped more and more as each day passed, each one seeming bleaker than the last.

The final catalyst came a few months after her 19th birthday. It was a cold winter night, and she was heading home late from working on someone’s broken wagon. Light snow was falling and she could see her breath forming in front of her. Nearing her family’s neighborhood, she grew unnerved with how quiet it was. That was, until she heard crunching of snow coming from nearby. Turning to her right, she saw Zanlannah and a group of five other nobles coming toward her. From the noise they were making, they had clearly been drinking, and Zanlannah in particular was stumbling about.

Zanlannah suddenly locked eyes with her, and she could see his face turn up in a horrible sneer. “Well, look -hic- what we have here boysh!” he slurred out, advancing toward her. “It'sh the -hic- half-breed!”

She tried to back up, only to bump into a building behind her. Quickly, the elves all had her surrounded. “What'sh a halfie like you doing out thish late, huh?” he began to demand. “Up to no good, are you?”

He was right up in her face by now and she could smell the alcohol on his breath. She tried to stammer out a reply, not even knowing what she was saying, when suddenly Zanlannah swung a bottle of wine at her, breaking it over her head. As she fell to the ground, she heard his horrific laugh, and then heard him say, “Let'sh teach him a lesshon, eh boysh?”

With that, they all began assaulting her, kicking and punching at her as broken glass dug into her side. Trying to escape, she struggled to stand up only to be knocked back down. The group wailed on her for what felt like an eternity, until finally they backed off. With one final kick to her gut, Zanlannah spit on her, declaring, “The only good you’ll ever be ish dead.”

She believed that.

She knew the world would never accept her, neither as a half-elf or as a woman. This world wasn’t right for her, and she thought it was about time she left it.

Eventually stumbling to her feet, she walked the remaining blocks to her family’s home, only to find her parents had changed the locks. Her parents had as of late been threatening to do such a thing if she was out too long, also convinced that maybe she was up to things she shouldn’t be. Collapsing at the door, she began to sob, her tears freezing to her face in the winter air. (holy fuck that last sentence was emo)

Eventually opening her eyes, she looked to the side of her home and saw some rope her father had left out the day before. Staring at it, she hesitated for only a few seconds before crawling over to it. Clutching the rope in her hands, she knew that it was here time to leave this world behind.

Using what little strength she had left, she climbed up a tree they had growing by the side of their house. Tying the rope to one of the branches, she deftly tied a noose on the other end. Tightening it around her neck, she hesitated for just a second before she jumped.

She expected to hear a crack, and then nothing. Instead, she felt herself hanging there, and began to panic thinking she hadn’t tied the noose well enough. “Figures,” she thought to herself grimly, “you can’t even kill yourself right.”

A few minutes passed though, and she still felt herself suspended in air, and that’s when she realized that she didn’t feel anything around her neck.

Slowly opening her eyes, she found herself surrounded by swirling shades of black as far as the eye could see. Suddenly, before her a figure began to appear. This figure turned into that of a tall, elegant looking, though deathly pale woman, with a cloak of raven feathers that flowed to her feet. Perched on her shoulder was a massive, three-headed raven with pure white eyes, and as she looked into the raven’s eyes she suddenly saw her life flash before her; her childhood spent reading, playing with Valtris, her first encounter with Zanlannah, meeting Arveene, all the events leading to where she was now.

She was afraid. More afraid than she had ever been before. Beginning to cry out in confusion, she suddenly heard a voice in her head say, “Don’t be afraid, child. While you may have tried your best to make it so, it is not yet your time. Fate has much more interesting things in store for you.”

Confused, she struggled to think of what to say, finally stammering out, “What-who are you?”

In response was a laugh, though not a malicious one. “My name was forgotten long ago,” the voice said. “If you must call me something, you may call me… the Raven Queen. However, who I am is not important. What is important is who YOU are. You have much more to see still, Gwyndolin.”

Gwyndolin.

As soon as the voice spoke the name, she realized how natural it felt to her. She suddenly remembered hearing the name before - it was the name of a princess in a story she had read long ago. Said princess was born a boy, however she had magic powers gifted by the moon, a gift usually reserved for women of her land. Growing up, the princess learned more and more how much more she enjoyed being a girl, and eventually used her magic powers to grant herself the body of a queen.

It was always one of her favorite stories.

She repeated the name over and over in her head, liking the sound of it more and more, when suddenly she stopped herself. “Wait,” she began, “why do you call me Gwyndolin?”

The Raven Queen laughed once more. “It is who you are,” she said, “Who you truly are. The name sounds nice, no? And wouldn’t you like to have a body to match?”

Gwyndolin was taken aback. She was beginning to understand what the Raven Queen was saying, but there was no way she could… “What… what do you mean?” she managed to stammer out.

Laughter once more. “I’ve seen you, Gwyndolin. I’ve seen the thread that is your life, and it is not meant to be cut here. And I’ve seen that this body is not the one you want to dwell in, and I think it would be a waste to spend another second living a life where you feel a prisoner.”

Pausing once more, Gwyndolin took in everything the Raven Queen was saying. “You… you would give me a new body? For me?”

This time it was the Raven Queen who paused. “I would,” she cautiously began, “though there would be… a price. A fair one, I hope you’ll see. But a price.”

“Anything,” Gwyndolin said instantly. “I’ll pay any price.”

A smile crossed the Raven Queen’s face. “Well then. The pact is formed.”

Confused, Gwyndolin opened her mouth to say more, only for her vision to suddenly begin to dim. The Raven Queen began to fizzle away in front of her and the darkness around her began to swirl. With a sudden burst of light, Gwyndolin found herself laying on the ground.

Getting up, she found she was just outside of the city, with the sun just beginning to come up. Rising to her feet, she shook her head, wondering if everything that had just happened was a dream. As she shook her head though, she felt long, soft hair hit gently against the side of her head. Having generally kept her hair short in an attempt to try and squelch feelings of dysphoria, this shocked her. Reaching up to her face she began to feel around, and already she could tell the face she had was different.

Rushing over to a nearby stream that had yet to freeze, as the sun rose above her, she gazed at her reflection in the water. As she stared tears began to well up in her eyes, and she realized they were tears of joy. Staring back at her was… her. The her she had always imagined. Still the physique of a half-elf, but her hips had widened, her legs were long and slender, her face sharper and her eyes brighter. She could feel her shirt pressed against her chest, and with joy she looked down and saw her once flat chest was now full. Falling down on to her back, she felt her body fall into snow, the cold gripping at her curves.

She knew she would never forget that moment.

59 & 94 & 117 bc why not

hello my friend, what are you doing around these parts? 💘💘

59: When was the last time you took a long drive?

Far too long ago, I can't even remember the actual time it happened like I have not details but I get to go on another one later this month to visit the uni I may go to so,, fun!

94: Name four things that you wish you had!

all hours access to museums

a better birthday present for our dear pumpkin king cause i wanna get something good and idk if what I've got already is enough,,

happiness, contentment and clarity for my loved ones and myself

can I get uhhhhh, the love of my life?

117: Your own question that you want me to answer. Just write it.

i have been informed the question was supposed to be 'how are you?' but given that's not a question I want to answer, I'm gonna pretend they asked

"What are your thoughts on emotion in the music of the Disney movie Tangled?"

well, my darling take a seat BECAUSE when I said that I have a few moments in mind! And it's gonna be messy cause the songs are split into sections according to how I think of them and are not in an understandable order at all!

Tangled's Soundtrack was created by Alan Menken and Glenn Slater, both of whom have written on various other works I love, you may known Slater from School Of Rock The Musical or Menken from other Disney works such as Beauty and The Beast or The Little Mermaid!

The song When Will My Life Begin has 2 reprises used to show so much emotion in Rapunzel in our short time of knowing her at the start of the movie.

The first time we hear this tune, Rapunzel is singing about her regular life pattern and things she does to occupy herself in captivity, even though she is not yet aware she is held captive. The tone of the song is very upbeat and happy but her need for change shows! When the line "stuck in the same place I've always been" comes, her tone changes to what I perceive as a slight desperation, before going back to a slightly happy tune but still ending with the "When Will My Life Begin", she is very aware that her life is not really Started and that she has a lot left she wants to do and it's made clear in the soft, sad line 'now that im older, mother might just let me go' that she Knows her mother is the cause of this

I have no serious analysis of this until later but know this is relevant!

The second reprise comes after her mother has told her she is Not to leave the tower, not even for her birthday. It's a lot sadder than the first, with a soft hopeless tone as she accepts what her mother had said, but it touches a bit more on the relationship between the pair that what's originally heard, and may others have read into this too! The entire lyrics are about Rapunzel agreeing with what her mother has said because she has been conditioned to believe it, never asking for more than 'mothers love' - not even asking for freedom , not even asking for Privacy ( "yes I have everything, except I guess a door..") and even subtly highlights the guilt Rapunzel is feeling at the moment in the lyric "I've got so many things I Should be thankful for" and then even ultimately her giving up her wants for these things to agree with her mother "perhaps it's better that I... Stay in. But when will my life begin?"

There's a pause between Reprise 2 and Reprise 3 for Mother Knows Best (also known as lies, guilt tripping and degradation feat. catchy tunes which is a whole other level of emotion used that I'll talk about in the Mother Knows Best section after this part is over) but Reprise 3 is started with hesitance but mainly covers the relief and joy Rapunzel feels at the sense of freedom she gets from going Outside for the first time, she mirrors the first reprise by listing things she can do but it's no longer about her captivity or distracting herself because now she talks about all the possible things she gets to do now that she is outside of the tower and Mandy Moore conveys that joy so so well, you can hear every moment of it in her voice as she excitedly talks about "running and racing and dancing and chasing and leaping and bounding, hair flying, heart pounding and splashing and reeling and finally feeling that's when my life be-gins!"

Now let's circle back to Mother Knows Best & then skip forward to Mother Knows Best Reprise because The Feeling Of These Songs Are So Fucking Strong It Physically Hurts To Listen To Sometimes

The Mother Knows Best songs cover the manipulative and controlling relationship between Mother Gothel and Rapunzel! The first song, Mother Gothel is informing that not only is Rapunzel not allowed to go outside but... She doesn't really want to anyway, she lies and deceives Rapunzel into thinking of life outside of the tower as a horrible threatening world rather than talking about any of the positives about the world outside for her own selfish reasons, and she also spends a decent amount of this song degrading Rapunzel and destroying her faith and confidence in herself to nurture a toxic codependency for Rapunzel, which also involves further guilt tripping by mentioning all Gothel has done to raise Rapunzel, making Rapunzel feel like she owes her something. Mother Gothel is very careful with her words and tone to ensure Rapunzel believes this is for Her, to keep her Safe and it works terribly well! Because Rapunzel accepts that she shouldn't go until she meets Flynn, which was a turning point Mother Gothel never could have predicted, Flynn, or any outside stranger, was not accounted for in Gothel's carefully planned manipulation and so Rapunzel was able to leave due to the fact she realised that she Could now.

And now we skip forward to Mother Knows Best (Reprise) which is probably Worse! This is what I see as the truly soul destroying moment as well as the scene around it, Gothel confronts Rapunzel on her leaving and Rapunzel is strong in the relationship she's developed with Flynn, and Gothel forces her to doubt that, twists their relationship for her own gain and tries to destroy Rapunzel's self confidence as well as her trust in Flynn to make her return to being codependent on her. Despite the overall disgusting vibes of the song, Rapunzel powers through and refuses to let her tear her down, which doesn't end well but it does show a serious development in Rapunzel's character and confidence, Rapunzel is has a very clear sense of self that would be harder to waver than most other things, so Gothel adapts her tactics to change how she hurts Rapunzel.

And now this is so long so instead of babbling so much more I will say: Kingdom Dance is the song I want played at my wedding!

A Phoenix & Her Fire

masterlist

(A/N): Hey hey guess who’s back with another fic ;) its sadder this time im sorry aah. Part two is currently in the works so dont worry i wont leave you hanging! Hopefully that’ll be up later this week :)

Pairing: Cheryl Blossom x Toni Topaz

Word Count: 2,176

Warnings: TW; canon suicide attempt, swearing, emotional??

Summary: Cheryl aches to be reunited with JayJay which winds her in the emergency room. ((The attempt takes place later than it does in the show & Cheryl and Toni are already dating at this point))

Read it on AO3

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

Cheryl’s fist hits the ice again causing a slight crack but not enough to break it. She lets out a huff of anger and tries once more, determined to break through and plunge into the icy depths of Sweetwater River. Tears stream down her face and freeze to her cheeks in the cold weather. Every inch of her feels numb and frozen but she’s determined to be reunited with JayJay. Her knuckles are starting to bleed as she hits the frozen river again creating another satisfying crack. She hears a faint noise in the distance almost like her name being called, a sob shakes her body as she tries to push away the illusion. It’s not as if anyone would come to save her. But she hears it again and reluctantly lifts her head, a wave of panic hits her when she sees Veronica standing at the edge of the river with Betty, Jughead and Archie behind her.

“Cheryl.” Veronica calls again “just come to the shore and we’ll figure this out together okay? Please”

Cheryl pauses for a second, she knows Veronica cares about her after all that’s why Cheryl texted her goodbye. But the others haven’t shown an inch of caring about her ever and she’s fairly certain Veronica Lodge of all people isn’t going to miss her one bit. Cheryl chokes out another sob as she’s hit with a wave of pain at the thought of Toni, her girl. She lurches forward gulping for air and trying to push her sobs away, her hand smacks the ice hard and she wishes for once things could make sense. The ice unexpectedly caves in under her and she lets out a strained scream as she drops into the icy water below. Her lungs fill with water instantly and for a second it almost feels nice to lose control. Her eyes fly open and maybe it’s just a hallucination but Jason’s body is suddenly reaching out to her. Cheryl’s arms and legs flail in attempt to move away from him which only pushes her further into the current.

Archie is pushing past Veronica and running across the ice the second Cheryl’s body drops into the water. Veronica panics and follows right on his heels, when she reaches Archie he’s frantically sweeping away snow attempting to find where Cheryl is now. He swears and keeps moving around desperate to save the redhead.

“Archie. Here” Veronica yells panicked and within seconds he’s kneeling down smashing the ice above Cheryl and pulling her up. His fist is bleeding heavily but he lifts the soaking Vixen in his arms and stumbles back to the shore. Archie lays Cheryl down and desperately attempts to get her to cough up the water she’s inhaled. Veronica swears while struggling to dial 911 with her frozen fingers which causes Betty to rush to her side and help.

When the group stumbles into the ER in a panic the nurses waste no time in rushing Cheryl to the back. There’s chaos and yelling all over and Veronica stumbles over to a chair trying to take deep breaths. “Someone- someone needs-“ she tries to force out.

“Shh breathe, what is it V?” Betty asks, walking over and soothingly rubbing circles into her best friend’s shoulder.

Veronica lets out another shaky breath “call Toni, she- she needs to be here”

“Shit. Shit. Shit.” Jughead curses while fishing in his pocket for his phone. “Why didn’t we immediately think of that oh god. I’m on it guys” he punches in her contact and lifts his phone to his ear. The phone rings three agonizingly long times before she picks up.

“Jones!! You know I’m on shift right? To what do I owe the pleasure?” her voice cheerfully answers.

Jughead swallows the lump in his throat and says slowly “don’t freak out. But we’re at the hospital and you need to get here right away.”

Toni’s heart race increases as her eyes roam the Whyte Wyrm trying to figure out if any of her serpent family is missing. And then it hits her. “Oh god. Fuck. Tell me it isn’t Cheryl. It’s not her right?” She says frantically, already reaching for her bag and motorcycle keys. Jughead is silent on the other end. “JONES. What the fuck? It’s not her right? Fangs was just messing around again and and...” she trails off as she spots Fangs near the bar, her breathing starts to get harsher.

“Toni... I’m sorry.” He chokes out “just hurry okay? She’s in emergency”. Toni hangs up and throws her phone in her bag while sprinting across the parking lot to her bike.

Toni runs through the door of the ER with such force she practically knocks over the young nurse in the way but swerves around her at the last second. “What happened? Who the fuck hurt her? Who did this?”

“Toni...sit down” Veronica says gently while walking over and guiding the pink haired girl into a seat. She kneels in front and looks up at her.

“Just fucking tell me so I can go after whoever the fuck touched her” she says, she’s visibly shaking and Veronica lays a hand on her knee trying to calm her.

“She- uhm... Toni we found her at Sweetwater River, she was on the ice trying to break through...”

“I... I don’t understand”

“She was trying to drown herself... she said she wanted to be with Jason again.” Veronica says, her voice cracking mid sentence.

Toni freezes, her vision going fuzzy and her head spinning. She grips the arm of the seat and can feel herself shaking harder, she lets out a soft whimper since she’s unable to talk. Veronica stands abruptly, steadying Toni as she sways forward. “Breathe. Shhh. Betty can you get some water? Toni hey hey listen to me. Take a deep breath” she soothes.

“Did- did they say what’s going on right now?” Toni stutters over each word and then looks up at the four expectantly and reaches for the water from Betty.

“They’re trying to stabilize her” Archie says.

“What the fuck does that mean?” Toni bites back.

“Her breathing and vitals I guess” Archie breaks off, swallowing hard. “She ingested a lot of water. I tried...oh god Toni I tried to get her to cough it all up but she was unconscious almost immediately after coughing up the first bit and she was so cold. She was barley breathing when we got her here.”

Toni’s head starts to spin again and she falls back in her seat, Veronica grabs the water from her placing it down and moving closer to the serpent. Toni whimpers louder this time and soon she’s choking out sobs and pushing past Veronica to get to the trash can. Despite there being barley anything in her stomach she throws up and grips the sides so tightly her knuckles turn white. Veronica is beside her again within seconds, and despite not having a very close relationship with the raven haired girl she turns and sinks into her shoulder. Veronica rubs up and down her arm trying to soothe the serpent as her sobs shake her whole body. “I can’t lose her...” Toni mumbles through her sobs.

Veronica lays her head on top of Toni’s and hugs her a bit tighter “I know...” she replies gently. “But she’s a fighter, always has been”. Toni nods slightly in agreement and stays pressed to Veronica desperately trying to find any sort of comfort and hope she can in the situation.

“Is there an Antoinette Topaz here?” A nurse calls out, Toni lifts her head and attempts to stand up but she stumbles into the wall and steadies herself against it.

“Here, I’m here” she says, wiping at her face trying to clear the tear stains. “What is it? Can I see her?”

The nurse sighs and says “Not yet. But you’re listed as Miss Blossom’s emergency contact and we just needed to make sure you’re here. Are you a blood relative?”

“No. I’m her girlfriend actually”

“I see. Well usually we ask for a family member to-“

“Ma’am I assure you that you’re looking at her family right here. If I’m her contact why does it matter?” Toni cuts in, her eyes shooting daggers at the nurse.

“It’s just I’ve never dealt with a case that wasn’t a fami- or uhm relative. But I suppose you’re right. We will notify you when Miss Blossom is in a condition that allows visitors” she nods and walks away briskly as she jots down something on her clip board. Toni leans heavily on the wall and closes her eyes, a sigh shakily escapes her lips.

“Toni?” She hears Betty’s soft voice. “Do you maybe want to go home and change? We could grab some food too.”

“No” she snaps, the word coming out harsher than she meant. “I’m not leaving her.” Toni’s eyes flicker open, making contact with the blonde

“I.. I know you don’t want to. But Cheryl needs you to have your strength. Atleast come put on something warmer you look like you’re freezing.”

“Betty. The only one I’m worried about right now is Cheryl. I’m fine”

“Atleast let the boys go get some coffee and maybe Betty or I can run and get you a sweater” Veronica pipes in.

“C’mon Topaz, you know Cheryl will kill us all if we don’t at least try to take care of you” Jughead says, stepping closer to Toni.

Toni lets out a snort “yeah whatever Jones”

“She really loves you ya know? I don’t think I’ve seen her as happy as she is with you since before Jason died. Even then, I think you bring a light to her she’s been missing for a long time” he says, smiling softly at her.

“Yeah... I know” Toni replies as she fights back her tears “I love her too”

It seems like hours pass before any of them hear anything, Veronica is drifting off laying on Betty’s shoulder and Betty is mindlessly scrolling through her social media when the nurse walks out. She eyes Toni and strides up to her. “Miss Blossom can have visitors now. Room C-141. They’ve managed to stabilize her and get all the water out of her lungs. She should wake up soon.”

Toni is already out of her seat and hurriedly walking down the hallway, the nurse is trying to catch-up with her but gives up after a few more strides and turns back to the main desk.

Toni’s heart just about stops when she walks in and see’s Cheryl with her fiery hair splayed across the bed and a fresh cut trailing from her chin down her neck. Toni marvels at how Cheryl still somehow looks effortlessly beautiful even when hooked up to an oxygen machine. If she’s being honest with herself she expected to be angry. Angry with Cheryl for thinking she could leave this world and Toni behind, angry that Cheryl doesn’t realize her own strength but mostly angry at herself for letting Cheryl get to this point. Instead her heart shatters when she see’s Cheryl lying there with her chest softly rising and falling. She pulls up a chair and reaches for the redhead’s hand. For a moment she doesn’t know what to say, she just takes in the fact that her girl is breathing and alive.

“I’m sorry... Cher I’m so sorry. I- I should have known I should have been there. I don’t know how I’ll forgive myself for this. But I’m not leaving your side.” She says softly, fighting back yet another wave of tears and running her thumb over Cheryl’s bruised knuckles. “You know.. that first day we met at the drag race I really wasn’t sure what to think of you. I mean you strode up there acting like you owned the place and to be honest I’m not sure if my initial reaction was to kiss you or to deck you.” a sad laugh falls from her lips. “And when I showed up at Riverdale High I knew you’d either be hell to deal with or the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” she pauses and looks up at Cheryl. A small smile pulls at Toni’s lips. “But who knew I’d fall so hopelessly in love with a Northside princess?” Toni moves closer to the bed, resting her head beside Cheryl’s arm and pressing a gentle kiss to it. “God. I love you so much Blossom. So so much” Toni mumbles against her as her tears flow freely now. “Please wake up soon. Open those pretty brown eyes so I know you’re safe and sound” she presses into Cheryl’s side trying to breathe in her scent for comfort but it’s all been washed away by the river and masked by the hospital. A sob unexpectedly shakes through her body and she tries to calm herself by taking a deep breath. All she wants right now is for Cheryl to be safe and in her arms. “Please come back to me baby”

(next)

2018 Netflix Bucket List Part 1: Animation Nation

After watching some of the original Idolmaster today, I felt inspired to tackle my VERY LONG OVERDUE Netflix Bucket List. Although to be honest, two of these that I watched were on Netflix; some of the others I’ve watched and/or dumped were on KissAnime, and the remaining ones were on either Crunchyroll or Hulu. So yeah...not really a “Netflix” bucket list in this regard...BUT PART TWO IS I SWEAR

I decided to start off with the “animation” side of things, since I watch a lot of anime and cartoons, and I felt it’d be good to talk about some anime (and the one cartoon) I’ve finished up. Some of them are from months (or possibly a year back), but I feel like I should still talk about them anyway ^^

So here we go!

Completed Series

The Idolm@ster Cinderella Girls

I liked this one. It was cute, the characters were charming, and I found six of my favorite characters from it (one of them being the Producer). That being said, I can see why it and the characters were seen as bland by other iM@S fans; the show doesn’t do a lot to really develop its large cast. The main beef I had with it was its treatment of New Generations, the group with Uzuki, Rin and Mio. They were the three main characters in the beginning, but then they kinda got shafted mid-season and then suddenly came back near the end again. I do love them (especially Uzuki and Mio; and I’ve warmed up to Rin a bit), but I felt the drama that Mishiro caused between them was drawn out a bit, and that the ending was cute, but rushed. Despite its flaws, this show got me into The iDOLM@STER series as a whole, and I even had my brother interested in it for a while to the point where he started watching it--keep in mind that my brother’s a die-hard Love Live fan. I won’t say that it’s a good gateway point to the series, but I will say that it’s alright for an idol series.

Flip Flappers

My friend @infiniteglorias​ was watching this show about a year or two ago, and I watched it out of curiosity. I expected it to be a bit off beat, and boy howdy did I get off-beat. It’s bizarre, it’s funny, it’s got some pretty cool scenes, and an interesting villain backstory. It’s also super gay. Like, Symphogear-level gay.  And even that’s a stretch; Shirabe and Kirika ain’t got nothin’ on Papika and Cocona. But it’s a good show, even if by the end it got a little mindscrewy.

And I just found out that there’s a Blu-Ray box with an artbook and art cards. R.I.P. my wallet.

BanG Dream!

Back when my brother was annoying the crap out of me with Love Live!, I was desperate to find a good idol series. I had started watching Cinderella Girls, but my brother took to bothering me about that, so I left it for a while (and also because although I enjoyed the show, I found it to be slow in some parts). If I had to describe BanG Dream!, I’d say it’s like Love Live! meets K-On!. I didn’t think I’d like it, and I thought the title name was kinda silly, but I ended up loving it. It really says something when you like some of the music better than Love  Live’s...in fact, I can kinda thank this show for pulling me to other idol anime away from LL! and introducing me to other things like Tokyo 7th Sisters, The iDOLM@STER and most recently IDOLiSH7. I loved this show, and I can’t wait to see the OVAs for it. Oh, and I’m patiently waiting for the release date of Girls’ Band Party’s English localization! I might not be able to play it, but I pray it goes well!

LoliRock season 2 (cartoon)

LoliRock’s second season is leagues better than the first one. So much effort was put into making the five princesses stand out in their own ways. We got great songs, great outfits, Dark Talia and Dark Auriana, great episodes focusing on Carissa and Lyna, more worldbuilding, more Lev, great episodes focused on Amaru, and best of all, episodes focused on developing Mephisto and Praxina. That Praxina episode was a hard one to watch, because of how genuinely sweet her good side is--given events in the season finale only made me sadder. About the only gripe I had was Gramorr. He still didn’t do that much to interest me as a villain, although I have to admit his powers were pretty cool. At least he’s slightly better than Hawk Moth from Miraculous Ladybug.

Either way, if you want an excellent example of a great show for girls, watch this (and Ladybug too, if you want). You won’t be disappointed.

The Seven Deadly Sins

I’ve been meaning to talk about The Seven Deadly Sins. But now that I actually have it here, I don’t have much else to say, other than it’s one of my favorite fantasy anime ever (and my favorite happens to be the Record of Lodoss War original OVAs). It’s funny, pervy (but not too pervy, unlike some shows I know *cough* High School DxD *cough*), tragic, awesome, gory and likeable. It’s totally binge-worthy. And it’s one of the few shows where the ships are totally okay; I usually avoid shipping people with people who look like they’re twelve or younger, but the maturity with which the show handles it changed my mind.

And season 2 has been announced. Enough said.

One Punch Man

One Punch Man was great from start to finish. It was awesome and thought provoking for a show that parodies the Japanese superhero genre, and I don’t think I’ve ever laughed at a show this much (that is, until Blend S came along). Moreover, it showed how to do an overpowered character right. I haven’t read the manga yet, but I can’t wait for season two of this show to come out!  

Kokoro Library

I found this little thing when I was cruising around for an older anime, Cosmic Baton Girl Comet-san (a classic favorite of mine). I saw the opening and dismissed it as a bland show probably based of a visual novel. But curiosity got the best of me, and I decided to watch an episode of it, just to see if it’s as stupid as I thought. Similar to what happened with LoliRock, I took my words back. This show’s a cute slice-of-life show about three sisters who live in the mountains running their parents’ library. The interactions they have with each other and the rest of the town are what make this show. I admit, the first part is kinda slow, so I wouldn’t blame people who dropped it if it was boring, and you can tell this is an older anime from like the 2000s...but it has a great soundtrack, adorable characters, and a really sweet origin story. I would give it a shot and see how you like it.

Currently Watching

The iDOLM@STER (Original)

Move over, Love Live. There’s some new idols in town.

I came across the original iDOLM@STER several times while looking for Cinderella Girls content. I thought nothing of it at first, but as I was finishing the Cinderella Girls anime, I did some research, and learned that these girls were the original generation (similar to how Muse was the original before Aqours). I decided “Eh, I’ll give it a shot. I like iM@S enough anyway; I’ll check it out before Side M, at least.” Gotta say, I am so glad I did. The original iDOLM@STER is leagues and above Cinderella Girls in terms of characters, story, humor and feel (although I still kinda like CG’s score more). In fact, I’ll go as far as to say that I prefer this over the original School Idol Project, which, while I think is pretty good, didn’t feel that spectacular to me, which is why I rank it 5th on my favorite idol anime list. Similar to IDOLiSH7, I don’t have a Best Girl, because pretty much all of them are awesome...although I gotta say that Iori, Hibiki, Makoto, Miki, Takane and Chihaya are my clear favorites, and I love Producer-san, surprisingly more than CG’s Producer-san, who was one of my favorites as well.

If you want to get interested in the iDOLM@STER universe, this is the series you need to watch.  

Blend S

Blend S is great. I have never laughed so hard at an anime save for a few. And I love the character dynamic; even Dino’s crush on Maika isn’t really, really creepy since he’s not going borderline pervy like some other shows possibly would. I’m only three episodes in, but it’s been a great ride.

IDOLiSH7

If you can’t tell that I love IDOLiSH7 already, you haven’t seen my blog recently. Eight episodes in, and I’m in love. I can’t say much else other than that, but it’s right behind the original iDOLM@STER as one of my current favorite idol anime.

Glasslip

Glasslip is a little anime I found on Hulu. It’s about a group of friends who go through the trials and pains of first love during summer vacation...oh, and something about the main heroine, Toko, and the mystery dude, Kakeru, being able to see the future through objects--in Toko’s case, it’s through glass objects, hence the title. It’s supposed to be a supernatural romance, but think it does better on the romance, though; their attempts to explain how and why Toko and Kakeru can see the future comes off kinda flat. Honestly, the real reason I’m watching it is for the romance plot between everyone. It’s a bit of a breather between watching shows such as Fate/Zero and Gundam SEED (seen below).

Mobile Suit Gundam Seed (Remastered)

Yes, I realize this pic is from SEED Destiny. But hey, the pic’s cool ^^

Gundam as a series is one of the series I enjoy, but never really watched much of because I was intimidated by the universe. It is massive, and most Gundam anime take place in its own universe. Thanks to some help from my dad (who is a huge Gundam and Macross fan in his own right), I started watching the series again, starting off with one that I found the most interesting, Mobile Suit Gundam SEED. I had started watching it years ago, but I forgot about it. I’m glad I gave this another chance, although I must be careful, because the last Gundam I watched was Gundam 00′s first season, and I binged watched it for hours.

Fate/Zero

I forgot to mention that one of my friends, @infiniteglorias, is a fan of the animated Fate series. I also forgot to mention that my dad is a semi-fan, too. Between the two of them, I became interested in watching the series, and my dad got me into Fate/Zero. I love it thus far, and the characters are pretty awesome. I can’t really say much else about it other than that, honestly...other than that I’m a complete newbie to the Nasuverse ^^

Shows I Need To Get Back To

Senki Zesshou Symphogear AXZ

I was following AXZ, and then that delay caused me to get off track. I will go back and watch it and include it in my next Netflix Bucket List (hopefully).

Haruchika: Haruto and Chika

Haruchika was an anime I found when I was watching Shakugan no Shana (more on that below). I thought it’d be a high school romance, but what it actually is is a high school mystery with a very, very tiny bit of romance...and both our male and female heroine are going after their teacher, believe it or not. I don’t find it as interesting as Glasslip, but I feel that I should finish it on general principle before deciding it sucks. Plus, it does have a great soundtrack.

Hunter x Hunter

Hunter x Hunter was a show I started watching around the same time as Lupin III (more on that on my next list). The only reason I’ve put it on hold is because of the above mentioned anime.

Attack on Titan

Attack on Titan was one of those shows that I heard was good, but didn’t watch because of the hype (I swore to myself that I’d stop watching on hype alone after what happened with Sword Art Online and Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha the Movie 2nd A’s). I watched it with my uncle and we both really enjoyed it, going through like 13 episodes. I haven’t watched it with him in a while because we’ve both been so busy, but I have it saved on my list to watch it later.

Future Shows to Watch

Cardcaptor Sakura: Clear Card-hen

The ONLY reason I’m not watching this one is because I haven’t watched the original in years and I don’t remember much of the plot. *sigh*

Macross Delta

Macross is another love of mine. After the amazingness of Frontier, I’m going to give the more recent Macross a try. That’ll probably be after I finish either iM@S or Blend S.

Violet Evergarden

WHEN WILL THIS SHOW COME TO NETFLIX?!

Girlish Number

Girlish Number is another one of those shows that my brother annoyed me about, but I guess I’ll give it a shot to see what he really liked about it.

Magical Girl Raising Project

More dark magical girls! Fun! Well, this should hold me over until I can watch Washio Sumi is a Hero, at least. 

The Ancient Magus’ Bride 

This is a show I’ve heard was quite good. It’s got some solid production values, and it’s a fantasy, so I’ll give it a shot and see how it turns out.

Shows I’ve Dropped

A Certain Magical Index

I wanted to like A Certain Magical Index, but alas, I found it to be a bit tiresome. At least its magic system and characters are a sight better than The Irregular at Magic High School.

Shakugan no Shana

It’s a shame I had to drop this show, because honestly, I had liked it at first. But then came the incesty bits between the two new villains that were introduced. On one hand, the sister was voiced by Yukari Tamura. But on the other hand, I do not want to see a younger sister slipping her older brother some tongue. Incest’s one of the few things that will make me drop a show like it’s a plague, and that’s what I did with this show. I just couldn’t stomach it. 

That is all I have to say for part 1! What do you think? Are there some recommendations you have or do you think I should talk about certain shows more? Let me know in the comments!

 Part 2 will be coming soon~!