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yuyu1024 · 5 months

Text

Goodbye Kiss

Pairings: Hongjoong x Y/N

Genre/tags: Break up

Warning: sad fluff? cursing [lmk if i miss anything]

Words: 1.3k

Disclaimer:

- this story is just made up

- english is not my first language, please be nice 😊

Note: repost

A/Nsomething from my drafts that I forgot to post. I cant remember when I wrote this. I just noticed it now. Something short only 😊

***

"This is bullshit!" My boss throws the resignation letter I handed to him on his desk. He is so angry. "Y/n, my dear, you are resigning to your job... the job you've worked hard for... the job you earned because of your dedication... the job you've always wanted... you are throwing it away just because of some guy?"

I am standing in front of my boss, who is also my friend for years, crying and shaking like a twig. "I have no choice..." I mumble under my breathe. "We both know I can't avoid him here... coz fuck... he is the son of the owner of our company..."

"But y/n... this is your life we're talking about... your career... your future..."

"I know... And yes it may sound cliché like in dramas or whatever but... you know our story..."

Seonghwa, my boss, sighs heavy as he leans his head and back to his chair. He's trying to calm himself down and take off his 'boss' hat of for a second.

"Y/n... Hongjoong is a good person."

"I know."

"It may look cruel coz he can't fight for you... for your relationship... but you know if he can. He will."

"I know." Tears won't stop falling from your cheeks. "I dove into our relationship... knowing I can never be part of his future... I am just a staff... and he is..." I wipe my tears away and take a deep breathe. "His fiance is a good person. She's kind and sweet. And she does not deserve a relationship with Hongjoong having me on the side. Even just from his eye level so... yeah... they need a fresh start... and so am I."

"So you are choosing to go away... to avoid any issues?"

I nod.

"This is bullshit." He sighs.

"I know. You've had warned me before. And i'm so stupid not listening to you..."

"So, where are you planning to go? Which company?"

You look down at your knotted fingers and try to smile even with the puffiest eyes ever. "You'll curse even more if I tell you that... I'm planning to take a break for awhile..."

"Break? Like what? A week?"

"No..."

"3 weeks?"

"No..."

"Fuck. A month?!?"

I press my lips together before saying, "Two months... at least."

Seonghwa slams his hand on the table, eyes wide. "What the fuck?!"

"I'm going to the country side... to visit my grandparents... to clear my mind and plus to visit them." I pause for a bit. "Or stay with them for awhile."

"Are you crazy? How about your career? Like your living.. I mean... how will you earn money? You mother who we know loves the money you give her every month will explode."

"I know. But don't worry... I got it covered. I applied to a few online jobs... the remote ones... and I have a few that is waiting for my answer..."

"Fuck." He collapses on his chair. "I lost one arm... you leaving me here..."

"Don't worry... you can do it. You have one heck of a team."

"But still..." he runs his fingers through his hair. "Anyways... whatever. I can't do anything about it. You are decided."

"Thank you."

His eyes shifted from stressed to calm. "Just call me if you need anything okay?"

"I will. Thank you."

Then as I was about to leave Seonghwa's office, the door suddenly slams open. It's Hongjoong. His dark brown hair is dripping with sweat and his white sleeves are rolled over just before his elbow. His tattoos are out. He never shows his tattoos especially if he's in the office building.

"Sir...." Seonghwa walks around his table and stands beside me. "I thought you were at the--"

"I was." He answers, panting. He then closes the door behind him.

His stares to me, is not faltering.

"Hongjoong..." I murmur under my breathe. Almost sounding like a whine.

"Can you please give us a few minutes?" Hongjoong asks Seonghwa

"Sir... I would but the people outside..." Seonghwa and I glance at each other.

"Tell them to fucking go to break or whatever. I don't fucking care. Just give us a minute." He says, gritting his teeth together

Hongjoong never yells at people like this. He can always control his temper. But now, he...

"Please..." hongjoong adds

"Okay sir." Seonghwa finally agrees. "I'll be outside okay?" He quietly says to me before walking pass Hongjoong. And the second he opens the door, he yells to everyone to have a two hour break. Urgently.

It may look a bit too much but I know everyone knows what's happening. Unless they are new.

My relationship with Hongjoong is never a secret. Everybody knows it. Even his parents. But that doesn't give me the assurance that they like me. They know Hongjoong as the silly and playboy son. Someone who does not take anything seriously besides his work. That's how I got to know him too. We all labeled him as the rich kid who have everything and gets what he wants especially the girls. That's why I also never thought that I would be in a situation like this too.

Two years into working in this company, their company. I got promoted and had a chance to meet him personally. Outside work I mean. In my new position I got to go places that we need to meet him nor his parents for a business meeting or conferences. Long story short, we get to spend the time together and had a drink or two.

It all started because of a mistake. A one night stand. And then it went on to him, always looking for me. Asking me for a date and all. I hated it at first but I got to know him. I got to know the side, the gentle person that he is, that no one knows. I fell in love. Hard.

"Wooyoung told me... you are planning to resign..."

"Yeah... I just did."

"Why?"

"You know why..."

He exhales exasperatedly. "You're leaving me?"

"Hongjoong... you are getting married."

"I know!" He stomps his way towards me and embraces me, tightly. "I hate the fact that it's not you who I am marrying."

Tears begin to fill up my eyes again but I try my best not to fall apart. "We know that this is going to be our ending.. no matter when and how..."

"I'm sorry..." he nuzzles his face onto my neck. "I'm really sorry Y/n..."

I hate our story but not him. Hongjoong didn't do anything bad to me besides love me with all his heart. That's what fucking hurting me so much that I chose to leave. The fact that he will have to love someone better than me. The fact that he will have to share bed with another woman, and not me anymore. That he will have to kiss her and not me.

"I will miss you." I whisper to him

"Why do you have to leave?" He says as he looks me into the eyes

"For your future wife. She does not deserve to get hurt..."

"Why do you care about her more than your own feeling?"

"Hongjoong... she is a nice person..."

"She knows about us. About my love for you!"

"Still..."

"Fuck!" He looks frustrated. "I can't live without you! I love you!"

"I love you too... but..."

"Fuck this!" He growls before he grabs me by the waist and crashes his lips to mine.

A kiss that's expresses his frustration, his lost and his feeling of longing even though I'm still standing right in front of him.

We are finally breaking up. This kiss officially ends our more than two years of being in love. This is the kiss that will end us but then also the beginning of us being individuals.

"I love you..." he cries, "always have and always will."

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megansaber · 10 months

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How To Survive a Season of Unemployment

8/16/2023

Exactly three months ago, I worked my last shift at the corporate company I had been at for over two years. What started as my dream job in 2020 inevitably became a job I was forced into when the team I was on was completely removed from the company and I was placed in a role I didn't want as a means of saving me from being laid off. I'll spare the details.

I was determined to quit, but like anyone else in their right mind, I was worried about how I would financially afford not having a regular paycheck. I didn't have money saved up but I knew I couldn't stay working a job every single day that I was unhappy with. I preach every day to live with intention, like every day could be your last, because one day, that will be true and none of us get to control that, and oftentimes it comes sooner than we anticipated.

So how have I made money to survive the last three months without a job while also still being able to travel and live my best life everday?

Here are my life hacks for quitting your day job and living your best life, even if it's only for a short amount of time.

Airbnb. I live alone in a three-bedroom house and I don't always have friends staying with me. I figured I could utilize the extra space by listing a room on Airbnb for additional income. I did this back in 2015 and had an overall positive experience so I figured it couldn't hurt to do it again. I knew the money that Airbnb brings in and I don't mind sharing my space with others, so I listed the room and bookings immediately came in. Over the entire summer, my space was booked about 95% of the time, bringing in $2k-$2.2/MO. Sadly, by my own wrongdoings, I didn't get the required permit from the city of Nashville and had to recently turn off my listing for AN ENTIRE YEAR, until July 2024.

Unemployment Checks. No shame here, I pay my taxes and can use a little help when necessary. While I personally made the decision to quit my last job, I did throw out the idea to the company about them laying me off instead of quitting for the sole purpose of being able to file for unemployment. Crazy, right? No one thought I was going to be able to pull that one off, even myself. But you will never know if you don't ask, so I asked and I received. Unemployment check amounts are laughable, but something is better than nothing, and I was bringing in $1175/MO with them. No ego, amigo here. I'll take whatever help I can get.

Cash out on PTO. Simple enough, I cashed out on three weeks of PTO I hadn't used from my company. That amounted to 1.5 paychecks, which is almost a full month's pay.

Severance Checks. Okay, admittedly, one of the perks of being laid off from my last company was the severance they were providing for those that lost their jobs. It was one entire full month's pay. Truly a freaking blessing, because I know a lot of companies would not do this for their employees. This severance check helped IMMENSELY. Again, I lucked out by asking my company to lay me off as opposed to me quitting, and I believe the only reason they let me do this is because my role was eliminated from the company and I was placed in a role I was not hired to do from the start.

Brand deals. Over the last three months, I researched ways that I could make money on brands that I already used at home. This has been, and still is, the slowest burn as far as making money goes. I was making short reels on Instagram for $6-$20/reel using the Kale app. Outside of Kale, I found Cohley, where you can apply to briefs to shoot video content, product reviews, or photo content for brands, which has been way more effective. I just landed my first real brand shoot for $300! Other (free) brand deal sites outside of Kale and Cohley that I've had luck with are Influee and Popular Pays. You can also join Shopify Collabs, get free or discounted products sent to you, and post about them on your socials using your affiliate links!

Sell random shit around your house. I remember right before I listed my space on Airbnb, I changed all the doorknobs in my house and now I had three basic doorknobs I didn't need. I told my friend I was going to list them on FB Marketplace and he laughed at me. Two months later, once I had already forgotten about them, someone reached out and asked to buy them. Sold! Do this with everything in your house that you don't need. This obviously isn't going to pay your rent/mortgage or car payment, but as I say, any money is good money.

There you have it! I genuinely did not have money saved up when I quit my job but I knew the universe was going to provide for me in the ways I needed. Yes, I had to put in a little bit of work. Yes, I had to share my home with strangers for the summer (some guests turned into lifelong friends). Yes, some of the money came easy.

At the end of the day, I 100% knew I'd be okay if I just took that chance of leaving and just seeing what happens. The world is one big energetic field, and you get what you give.

If you are in the same boat that I was in three months ago but you have excuses under the sun of why you can't leave that job you hate, that is the energy you're going to receive. However, if you shift that mindset, similarly, you will still receive, just in better ways:). Positive energy attracts positive energy, and it goes both ways.

Someone once said the quote, "Whatever you think you can do, you're right." I don't even know if that's the actual quote or who said it, and I am not going to look it up, but if you truly believe that you can or cannot quit your job and live your dream life, even for a short amount of time, you're right! So...

Which truth do you want to live?

#unemployment #finances #money #lifehacks #funemployment #quityourjob #airbnb #universe #energy #positiveenergy

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f1tasies · 2 years

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Here's an idea for you, sucking Charles off as he is streaming and you are in your knees under the table out of shot

Oooh I am shaking baby. This is fun.

The thing with Charles is he has exactly one braincell that's really smart and the rest are just confused and chaotic.

One time, the two of you get into an argument with neither ready to apologise and make up.

So you decide to punish him. You pretend to apologize and he eats it up. You promise to lay out a surprise for him, but you don't specify where. You go missing for the rest of the day, but Charles isn't really that bothered. You can hold your own, obviously. Maybe you just need space. Whatever, it's not his problem.

You overhear Lando, George, and Alex make plan with Charles to stream in the evening. That was perfect for your plan.

When he settles into his chair, you wait for him to turn on the camera and start the game, controller at the ready. That's when you pounce on him.

He wears loose fitting sweatpants, so getting youe hand in there wasn't challenging. You feel him tense up, his legs come closer, almost locking you.

You drag them down, getting them out of the way.

"Charles?" Someone asks.

He glares at you, but you smirk at him, like an evil genius.

"Yeah? I am ready." He prepares himself.

One thing your rally admired about Charles was his focus. When he's in the zone, he makes sure he completes what he needs to perfectly. No errors. Ever.

Today, you were going to test that.

His boxers come down next. Either Charles is too busy playing or he is giving you the silent treatment; either way, you are not happy. Definitely no mercy for him now.

You take his cock into your hands, and it was already dripping.

"Someone's definitely ready," you whisper to him, as you lick a stripe from the top to the base. You put on a whole show, exaggerating every movement, trying to make it look as erotic as possible. He was throbbing now.

Charles groans as you finally put his cock in your mouth.

"You okay man?" Someone asks, concerned.

"Yes. Yep. It's the cat. It jumped on me, sorry," he tries to defend himself. You frown and apply light pressure with your teeth.

"Merdé," he moans lightly.

"Do you need to go Charles? We can schedule this later..." Lando says.

"No no," he sits up straighter, making your job a tad bit more difficult. You buck and shift your position. His legs were on your shoulders now, you were completely trapped between his thighs.

His knees move as he shifts gears and navigates the track. You wanted to know which one it was.

You pause for a second. Charles frowns, almost disappointed, and pushes himself closer to your face, wanting you to finish him off.

You couldn't speak because the boys would find out. You were evil, but you didn't want the blame to fall on you.

So, with your tongue, you trace the letters on his inner thigh.

T. R. A. C. K. ?

"Monaco really is the best," Charles smiles and turns the wheel.

Monaco was an easy one for Charles, hell you could probably race there.

"Ah, her? She's taking the cat outside, letting me- fuck- game in peace." Charles continues.

You start sucking harder, bobbing up and down. You massage his balls, squeezing them and trying to make him as uncomfortable as possible.

He was tremoring now, and before he says something he shouldn't he turns off his mic and clutches the seat.

"Just like that baby, fuck. You're impossible..." He pleads, and you slow your pace, wanting him to need you.

"Beg for it. Apologise." You order, knowing you have the high ground.

"I'm sorry," he whispers. "Please just don't -"

You pick up the pace again, until he cannot hold it in and cums all over you.

You swallow, wiping your face and stepping out under his setup carefully.

"You are terrifying, you know that?" Charles tells you, adjusting his bandana. "But fine. I'll do the dishes."

"You'd better," you warn. "Or else, no more gaming time."

"Hey guys?" You hear George speak up. "Did you know your camera was on?"

You freeze and look at each other.

"FUCK"

Well, if the entire world had to know, they now knew.

#cl #f1 smut #f1tasy #ask #your brain baby #so genius

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jaerang · 3 years

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𝐂𝐀𝐅𝐄 𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄. han seojun.

ꨄ cw. mild language, I just went on and on for some reason lol, NOT PROOFREAD!!

ꨄ request : what if "reader" and Seojun were either working together or she was a regular at the coffee shop where he worked at in the show to support his mother and all, and he had a huge crush on her. Trying to make sure he got the same shifts as her, that costumers weren't being rude to her, keeping an eye so she wouldn't do anything stupid (like slip on spilt coffee), etc. Thank you once more <3 — @beatriz-silva-00

getting a part-time job was an experience that students your age were most likely required to go through. the thought of earning your own money to spend on whatever you'd like without having to feel guilty for using up your parents' money made you feel giddy for the day you started.

you had found a job at a cute café that was reasonably full of customers when you had applied and because of that you'd imagine your pay would be a bit on the higher side. it seemed that they were short on the staff that they required and so they immediately hired you after asking you to go through a trial to see whether you were fit for the place. you left the café with a smile on your face as your intimidating but nice boss told you to come by tomorrow, you gave her a grateful bow and left the place with a joyous mood.

the next day you had entered the café you were surprised to see someone you were well acquainted with behind the counter and so you quickly got ready for you shift and immediately went to their side.

"what are you doing here?" you asked with a small smile on your face as you looked at the tough on the outside but soft on the inside boy who looked at you with a confused and surprised expression.

"I should be asking you the same thing." you fixed your apron as you stood up straighter in an attempt to display your outfit.

"I work here now." seojun scrunched his eyebrows and pointed at his badge "same here."

"how come you weren't here yesterday?" you asked as you started setting up the cups and getting out the coffee and tea along with necessary ingredients for the day.

"I had something to do so I called off work." you gave him a nod and turned your head to look at him with slight concern "everything okay?"

"yeah-"

"enough chit-chatting and get to work kids, we're opening in 5 minutes!" the voice of your boss had commanded and with muttered apologies you went back to working on the cakes whilst seojun took over the beverages.

as the weeks passed by, you had to say it was fun working with a friend and although you did get a few scolding from your employer, it wasn't anything serious and was totally worth it.

every day after school, you and seojun would walk together to your workplace and change into another set of clothes once you arrive to then start your prepping.

you were distracted conversing to seojun when you'd accidently moved your hand into the area which had hot water pouring out of it and you let out a small yelp, immediately gathering seojuns full attention.

"what happened?" he asked as he crouched down beside you on the floor, confused as to why you were clutching your hand.

you gave him a weak, embarrassed smile "I accidently spilt hot water on my wrist." he grabbed your arm gently but with a firm grip, making sure to avoid touching the irritated area.

"you idiot, don't you know that you should put it under cold water immediately?"

"oops." he shook his head at you and turned on the tap to place your arm under the running cold water and you felt relief wash over you.

"keep your arm like that whilst I go and get something." he went into the back room and came back shortly after with a first aid kit.

"seojun, I'm fine-"

"shh." you rolled your eyes slightly which contrasted the smile you had decorating your face.

"when did you become so caring? I thought you had this bad boy image that you were supposed to uphold."

he closed the tap and carefully started drying the red area with a towel he brought with him "can you stop talking."

"fine." he unscrewed the cap of an ointment and started to gently spread the cream over your skin and then proceeded to wrap it with a bandage.

"you're not gonna kiss it better?" you asked from your place ontop of the counter where you sat after seojun had left for a bit.

"[name]-" you moved your arm closer to his face and held an expectant smile.

"come on, it'll make me feel better." you wiggled your arm.

"you're not gonna back down are you?" he asked with a glare and your smile only widened.

"nope!"

seojun grasped onto you arm once again and looked at you dead in the eye saying "I hate you." before he planted a very quick peck on the bandaged area and quickly leaving.

"awe, now I feel all better!"

"yah! seojun!" you found yourself calling and was surprised to see the man by your side in mere seconds.

"what is it, sis you burn yourself again?" he asked nonchalantly but you could see the worry in his eyes as he scanned over your body for any injuries.

a chuckle erupted from your lips at his concern and you shook your head as you added one final drop to the cup infront of you "I'm fine." you waved him off.

"then why'd you call?"

"because," you picked up the cup you were preparing and presented it to him with a beaming smile "I made this drink that I want you to try."

"oh-" he scratched at the back of his head and accepted the cup "why'd you make it?" he asked as he observed the contents with in the glass.

"it's a new thing I made for the menu, I want you to try it and give me your opinion so then I could present it to our boss."

seojun took a sniff of it and let a mildly impressed expression show "there's no poison in this right?"

you froze slightly and raised your hands in surrender "you caught me." you let out a few giggles and shook your head "all jokes aside, I made it with a mixture of your favourite."

a light pink crept up seojun ears and was seeping to his cheeks but you couldn't quite catch it as he began drinking and as he put the cup down he was met with your awaiting expression.

"so?" you grabbed the cup out of his hands, a smile on your face as you noticed half of it was gone "how was it?"

seojun swallowed the rest of the liquid he had in his mouth and said with a straight face "you want the truth or not?"

you deadpanned for a second and just sighed "hit me with the truth."

the boy stood in thought before responding "it was nice." he shrugged.

"seriously?!" your eyes widened.

"yeah."

"fuck, it only took me like 10 tries and a stomachache later." you hesitantly looked at the glass and pondered whether or not you should taste it to see if he was lying or not.

it was true that you experimented 10 times and each had tasted as bad as the first and your determined ass was adamant on drinking it until you made the prefect one but since your stomach jabbed at you, you decided to let seojun have a try.

"agh, fuck it." you gulped down the drink and set the cup down when you finished.

"holy shit, it actually does taste good." you looked at seojun excitedly when you noticed that he was staring at you a bit in shock and with warm cheeks.

"everything alright?" you asked.

"uh yeah, go present to the boss." he said but inside he was basically slandering himself for getting flustered at the indirect kiss that you had just received and were unbothered to notice.

'fucking grow up han seojun, you're not 10'

#han seojun x reader #han seojun #han seojun imagine #han seojun oneshot #han seojun blurb #han seojun scenario #true beauty

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imaginationintowords · 3 years

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Folklore [song series]

mirrorball

Modern Day AU! Steve Rogers x OC!Reader

Plot: Inspired by Taylor Swift’s new album folklore. The story follows the timeline of Bucky and Elizabeth’s life throughout the years.

Word count: 2110

[a/n: thanks for being patient with me! hope you guys enjoy this new chapter! if i forgot to tag you please inbox me]

previous part

Series Masterlist

Age: 20

Location: Brooklyn, NY

Year: Summer 2014

Steve flopped down onto his bed, tired after today's events. Elizabeth softly laid down next to him, Steve wrapped his arm around her bringing her closer to his chest.

"Today was a day," he tiredly says.

"You okay?" She asked him.

After Bucky had left there was a sadness aura that followed Steve for the rest of the party. He had no clue what he had expected Bucky's reaction to be, but definitely not the one he got. He had even prepared himself fo a fight, he was grateful that didn't happen. He just wasn't expecting for Bucky to shut down and leave. Not even accepting his offer of having a conversation later.

He knew that Bucky just needed his space, time to think it all over. But the look on Bucky's face had Steve questioning whether or not he would ever come around.

It threw Steve off when Bucky requested that he breakup with Elizabeth. He couldn't believe his best friend would want his own happiness to suffer.

His whole life he had done everything possible to keep Bucky happy. After what Bucky and his family had to go through with his father, Steve made it his mission to never let his friend feel that way again. Granted he was only 7 when he made that promise to himself, he still kept it.

Steve had never put himself first, at least not until he had made the decision to go to school in California. He had even thought about changing his plans after his breakup with Elizabeth but he knew his parents would've been disappointed with that decision.

He had put Bucky first his entire life, what he's doing isn't selfish. Yet he can't help but feel like the most selfish person ever.

What if he was keeping Elizabeth from truly being happy? What if she just didn't want to break his heart? What if she just didn't want to break his heart during a family event? What if come tomorrow she would tell him the truth, that she was really still in love with Bucky.

He's not sure he could handle that heartbreak.

"Want to tell me what's going on in that head of yours?" Elizabeth asked, breaking Steve from his self destructive thoughts.

"I won't be mad if you still love him," Steve says, "I'd understand."

Elizabeth quickly sat up to get a look of Steve's face to make sure he was being serious. It nearly broke her to see how defeated he looked. She's never seen him so down, not even after his breakup with Peggy.

"You don't have to pretend to save my feelings," he continues, "If it meant you were happy, that's all I care about. If being with Bucky makes you happy, then please don't let me stand in the way."

"Oh Steve," she gently caresses his face, staring down at him, "I wasn't lying earlier when I told Bucky that I didn't love him anymore. And i most definitely wasn't lying when I said that I love you, because I do love you, with my whole heart. You make me happy. The happiest I've ever been. Bucky was my past. You are my now, and hopefully my future.

"If you can't see how truly great you are, then I must not be doing my job as not only your girlfriend, but you're friend," she says, "Because you make me feel special every single day. And I just want you to feel the way you've made me feel."

"It's not your fault," Steve softly says, grasping her hand to place a kiss on her knuckles.

"Growing up I've always been second to Bucky," he explains, "Everyone seemed to prefer him over me. Whether it was girls or just our friends. It was always Bucky then Steve."

Elizabeth takes a moment to think back on their time growing up. She couldn't help but feel guilty when she realized that everything Steve is saying is true.

After she and Bucky got together, Steve sort of became an after thought, not because they purposefully excluded him, it never crossed their mind simply because Steve also had Peggy at the time. But after Peggy left, Elizabeth never really got to talk to Steve about how he felt, because she got caught up in her own drama.

"Steve, I'm so sorry," she apologizes, "I should've known then about how you felt. I was so caught up in my own shit, I never realized that you could've been going through your own stuff."

"Liz, it was never your fault," he says, "You were going through your own stuff. And I had learned to suppress it. Plus Bucky was your boyfriend at the time, of course i wasn't really on your mind. Plus it's kind of my fault for allowing it to happen. I never spoke up about it. I just always went along, figuring it was better than nothing."

"Once I got to Berkeley that's when everything changed," his mood shifts a bit to a much lighter feel, "I no longer felt like the shadow of a person. I felt like my own person for the first time ever. I was able to become someone I never thought possible. I am no longer 'scrawny Steve, Bucky's best friend'. I just became 'Steve' or 'Rogers'."

Elizabeth smiled at the way Steve's eyes lit up when talking.

"I had never imagined myself leaving New York, let alone making the permanent move to California," he confesses, "As much as I love it here, California is where I feel I belong. I know you feel it too."

Elizabeth nods her head agreeing with him. She felt the same way, as much as New York was her childhood home, California was where she felt her heart aching for. Where she felt like she belonged, where she could thrive. The more she spent time there, the more it felt like home, that's why moving there wasn't a tough decision for her.

"Coming back here," Steve says, causing Elizabeth to shift back her focus on him, "It just makes me feel like that scrawny kid all over again. I feel like no matter how hard I try to shed that image, Brooklyn will never see me for who I am now, but for who I was then. Like no matter what I do I will always be 'little' Steve Rogers."

"I know you feel it too," he says looking up at her.

She did. She did feel stuck in the past whenever she came back home. It seemed like life stood still here, while outside of Brooklyn everything is moving ahead. She knows it's only because she grew up there, and had nothing to do with Brooklyn itself. Once she was in California, she got a taste of life outside of Brooklyn, and she's not sure if she would want to go back. So moving there was an easier choice for her to make.

"I do," she agrees, "It's why moving to California was an easy decision for me to make."

"I wasn't even sure I was even going to make it to California," he says.

"Why is that?"

"Felt like I was disappointing my parents," he confesses, "We had always discussed me going to Columbia as a pre-med major. That had been the original plan. It wasn't like they were forcing it on me. More like I was forcing it onto myself.

"It was the 'safer' choice, granted the longer one, but in the end it all would've been worth it. For some reason as a child I believed that was the only way my parents would've been proud of me. Regardless of the fact that they were already proud and would tell me constantly. I just put that pressure on myself."

"It wasn't until junior year that Mr. Lawson, my high school art teacher said I should apply to some art schools," he continues, "Then after I had a long discussion with the guidance counselor she agreed as well, saying I would get in no problem with whatever art field I applied in.

"I never really gave my drawing much thought. It was just something I would do. Also a career in art is not exactly financially stable, or at all stable. But I figured it wouldn't hurt to apply to a couple of schools as an architecture major. Never really gave it a second thought."

Steve pauses, "I did get into Columbia."

"Steve, no fucking way," Elizabeth gasp sitting up straighter, "I never even heard."

"That's because I only told my parents," he says, "I got the acceptance email the same day I got NYU's and Berkeley's, where I hadn't applied as pre-med, which my parents didn't know of at the time."

"Wow," Elizabeth responds feeling herself become speechless. She had only known about NYU and Berkeley. She knew about NYU because that was the plan, they, including Bucky had discussed Freshman year. Back when she was still with Bucky, and Steve with Peggy and they all had planned to stay in New York. Before life got complicated.

"When I did get the Berkeley acceptance I had to come clean to my parents about what major I applied under. I was nervous, because a part of me never told them because I was worried I wouldn't get in. So seeing that acceptance it was the assurance I needed. One that really let me know that I could actually do it. And of course my parents were proud."

"Of course," Elizabeth smiles, "They would've been proud if you had decided to not even go to school and just worked in a restaurant."

"That's true," Steve lets out a small laugh, "And I think I more so didn't want to regret the decision. Leaving home to move across the country for a career that could be unstable. It's scary."

"Do you?" Elizabeth asks.

"Do I what?"

"Do you regret it?"

"Not one bit," he smiles, pulling her back down onto his chest.

They laid there in a comfortable silence. Steve ranking his fingers on Elizabeth's arm, feeling himself grow tired.

"I hope you know you're amazing," Elizabeth quietly says looking up at him with pure admiration in her eyes, "That I think you're amazing. I think you're one of the greatest people I have ever known. And if I have to spend my entire life showing you just how amazing I think you are, I will."

Age: 29

Year: 2023

Location: Santa Barbara, CA

Elizabeth giggled as Steve carried her over the threshold into their hotel room for the weekend. He kicked the door closed as he silenced her giggles with a kiss, before placing her on her feet.

"Why thank-you Mr. Rogers."

"You're very welcome Mrs. Rogers," he smiled brightly at his new wife.

Her makeup was slowly fading, hair no longer perfectly done after a night of dancing with their close loved ones. Steve just stares at her lovingly. He ahs never seen her more beautiful and the fact that he gets to be her husband for the rest of his life, he's never felt luckier.

Elizabeth feels his eyes just on her, "What? Do I have something on my face?"

"No, just admiring my beautiful wife," he compliments, causing Elizabeth to blush.

"How about one more dance?" she asks.

"There's no music."

"When I'm with you there's always music," she says holding her hand out for him.

Steve pulled her to him, one hand grasped in her's, while the other lay on her lower back. Elizabeth's head rested on his chest, with Steve's chin softly resting on the top of it.

"You know I think you're amazing," Elizabeth says as they sway softly in each other's arms.

"You might've told me once or twice," he responds.

"Get used to it because I'm going to be telling you that for the rest of our lives."

"Nothing I want more than that," he kisses the top of her head.

"If you'd asked me to runaway with you to join a circus, I would in a heartbeat," she says.

"Oh really? If I lose my job, and having nothing to show for, you'd still be there?"

"Right next to you baby, every step of the way," she says looking up at him, "Plus you won't have nothing to show. You'll have me. You'll have us. With me by your side I'll make sure you never not know how much you mean to me."

"You've made me believe in love again when I thought it wasn't possible. You've made me love myself in a way that I didn't think were possible. You make me a better human being by just being you. I love you Steve, more than anything.

"So if everything were to go to shit, as long as I have you that's all I need. I'll be there reminding you every single day just how special you are to me."

"I love you," Steve smiles as tears fall from his eyes.

#folklore #folklore song series #folklore mirrorball #mirrorball #mirrorball taylor swift #mirrorball song seires #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers x original female character #steve rogers x original character #Steve rogers x OC!female #steve rogers angst #steve rogers fluff #angst #fluff #original character series #Steve rogers modern au #steve rogers modern day

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kotoplasm · 4 years

Text

𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗲𝗲:. 𝗿𝗲𝗱 𝗿𝗶𝗯𝗯𝗼𝗻 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗯𝗼𝗸𝘂𝘁𝗼 𝗸𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗮𝗿𝗼𝘂

synposis. boxer!bokuto wants to spend the holidays with you after promising you that he'd make it memorable, which you hadn't expected would end becoming so ironical.

warnings::..; fluff (as usual).

bokuto was watching as your hands worked on the thin sliver of vermillion, tapered ends pricking the soft flesh wrapped around his wrist.

you've been at it for a five minutes now, sat on his lap on the sofa, leaving his eyes to wander from the mantlepiece to a picture frame then to you again.

it was odd. he asked you again, "what are you doing?" but you never answered with a comprehensible answer. instead you either nodded, mumbled something incoherent or remained silent.

was it payback for yesterday?

he hadn't replied to your message after finishing his match so instead of coming home to your voice, he was met with your sleeping figure on the couch, the tv replaying the highlights of his fight with his recent opponent (you couldn't pronounce the name).

frankly he was glad that you weren't awake. the medics on sight hadn't been able to stitch him up properly like usual as his main objective was to get back to you as soon as possible as he knew you would've been worried.

"it's just a scratch don't worry about it," he told you with a grin that he knew was due to the adrenaline from the wound. applying a little pressure to it caused him to let out a slur of hisses and curses to which you frowned, now glaring at him.

"it's just a little scratch?"

"it'll heal in a few days."

"you said that last time, and that bruise is still on your back kou."

"but it's faded!" and then he shows you, lifting his sleeve up to reveal the bruise that was still indeed there, now shifting between pink and red.

you didn't speak properly for the rest of the day, only speaking briefly during meal times and during the night.

when morning came you were already gone, leaving a note on the fridge briefly mentioning how you left home early to study the cranium somewhere in the library.

guess she's still mad at me huh....?

he feels a final tug and you're done, tying a final loop to finish.

"are you finally ready to tell me what it is that you've tied on my wrist?" he murmurs. it's a slur of words but it's loud enough for you to understand. "maybe what's on your mind as well?"

the stitches were still there, poking in and out of his skin. was it painful? of course it was. or else he wouldn't wince everytime he stretched that particular muscle or when you hugged him a little too tightly.

"i used to watch my mum tie something similar around my dad's wrist. in her culture, it symbolises safety or rather reinforces it whenever he left the country," you mutter into his shoulder, slightly adjusting your arms around his neck.

he knew where you were going with the answer. afterall, you've already tried to convince him to change his career choice. you never were quite content with the idea of watching your boyfriend's jaw turning slack after a clean right hook or watching his body lurch forward after a hefty punch.

"we've had this conversation so many times y/n. nothing is going to happen to me. i can promise you that much," he tries reassuring you but his words fall short when he feels something wet against his clothing.

"you don't know what will happen."

"kou it's dangerous."

"and it always will be. but i can handle the pain!"

you shoot up immediately, glaring at him. almost instantly, you press his abdonem, watching as his face contorts into one of discomfort, pain, irritance.

"what if the marks you get become much worse than this one? what if you'll have to get surgery?!"

"y/n it wo—"

"but it could! kou if you didn't get up after that last match you had, what do you think would have happened? i can't even watch your matches properly because i'm too busy worrying whether you're going to come through that door without any fatal inflictions or not!"

"i mean i get it. it's your dream. and i want to support you. but if you didn't get up that last time, i-i don't know what i would've done. i honestly wouldn't."

you're shaking. he grabs your hands, spreading the tips of your fingers across his calloused palms.

"you know what i'm working towards," he says. you nod.

"i can just get another job. i'm already managing everything else." he shakes his head.

"no. you're in your final year of college and you're graduating in a few months. not to mention exams. having to balance another job is going to be nothing but counterproductive.... did i use that word correctly?"

"...yes..." you fail to stop the small smile gracing your features. "you did."

"i just want to get to a point where i can be home more and finally find a better appartment to rent, away from that landlord who doesn't know what privacy or personal space is."

"i know but," you drag on the last syllables of the sentence. "that still doesn't stray from the fact that you'll get hurt."

"don't forget about this!" and he draws your attention to the ribbon on his wrist, tied by yours truly. "as long as i have this, i'll always find my way back to you, regardless of whatever shape i'll be in."

"do you really believe in that?"

your foreheads connect, breaths entangled and lips just merely a few millimetres away.

"well your father's still in that old couch of his so what's the harm in believing?"

a small kiss goes a long way as he's leaning forward to connect them, taking in your sweet scent. his thumb massages circles into your cheeks, pulling you closer as minutes pass.

he never truly appreciates just how much he loves having you in his arms, skin to skin contact giving him a sense of security and domesticity.

bokuto wonders how long he'll have to wait. you were both pretty young, too young in fact to get married (that's what you told him when he asked you what your answer would be if he got down on one knee and proposed at that instant.

"so it's not a no?" he asks.

"it's a, 'i'll say yes when we get a little older and you're much more certain on the idea of marriage,' bokuto koutarou."

the kiss falls short when you pull away slowly, lips still savouring the taste in a fixed pucker.

"you'll be back before christmas won't you?"

"if there aren't any surprise matches then i think so. even if there are, i'll just refuse and tell them that i need to spend some time with my s/o for the holidays."

"you don't have t—"

"no i want to. i want to spend christmas with you, right on this couch, doing the festive stuff that couples do. i'm not going to let my dreams get in the way of something that i cherish just as much."

when he sees that you've cheered up a little, he finally crawls away from your lap, fixing himself up to embark on his journey to the west. the train would arrive at the station in just a few minutes if there were no delays.

he's grabbing his suitcase and just about in the corridor up until he's facing you, wrapped in one of the blankets that were usually lying around on the couches.

he just wanted to be in your arms one more time as soon as possible.

"i'll text you when i get on the train." you nod. "and i'll call you before the match." you nod again. "and if the landlord comes around again, tell him that he should pass anything through me. i don't like the idea of that guy being so close to you during checkups and—"

"okay kou! just get going before you're late!" you're laughing now, eyes strained with fatigue. another kiss is shared, just a quick one involving bokuto pressing your cheeks together to peck them one last time.

"you'll get some sleep as well won't you?"

"yeah i'll try." which wasn't going to happen of course. you couldn't rest without knowing the outcomes of his matches. "i love you."

"i love you too." a grin wider than most was the last thing you remember seeing before he disappeared, leaving you to watch the tv one last time, basking in the emptiness that came with living with a boxer partner.

it got lonely sometimes. but you remember the red ribbon and how it's served its function for the generations that have passed.

the tv rumbles after an hour. a couple of pillows are stacked to supply comfort; a few blankets are wrapped around your body for heat.

the announcer introduces his opponent, another light heavyweight with hair that spiked up precariously. kou appears soon after, his silver and black tips falling over his eyes.

before the match starts, he looks straight into the camera to raise his left hand, the ribbon you tied making an appearance. the camera zooms into it. you laugh.

the look he gives wasn't to any of his viewers or the headlines would have said something. he's telling you that he'll be fine. to trust that he will.

so you do. the pillow in your arms is clutched tighter as the match starts. you're on edge but you try and calm your nerves. he was a reigning champion afterall.

you had faith in him as he did in you.

and sometimes that was enough to put your mind at ease.

(+) 𝘁𝘄𝗲𝗹𝘃𝗲 𝗱𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗺𝗮𝗱𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗺𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁

(+) 𝘁𝘂𝗻𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗼𝗺𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗼𝘄 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗻𝗲𝘅𝘁 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗰 𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗽𝗿𝗶𝘀𝗲

#🎁 madness #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu!!#haikyuu scenarios #myworks #bokuto scenario #bokuto headcanon #bokuto x you #bokuto hq #bokuto x reader #bokuto koutarou x reader #bokuto koutarou hcs #koutarou bokuto #bokuto koutaro #bokuto koutarou

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echo-three-one · 3 years

Text

Whatever It Takes

Sequel to A Forgotten Memory

Now facing an internal battle between her heart and mind, Samantha faces her fears and searches for the truth. Will she accept the past? Will she listen to her heart? Or will she let her memories get the best of her?

Chapter 10 to another story made by Ray (echo-three-one) Comments and Reviews appreciated! I hope you enjoy! Love you all ❤️

Previous Chapter : Roach - A SurPRICE Visit

What is this o.O

The Heart knows what the Brain Doesn't

Samantha Coleman

141's High Value Individual

Task Force 141 Base - General Shepherd's Office

The base was quiet. Everyone else fled off to their mission and all Samantha could think about is Alex. But why? Maxine told her he wanted to meet him, but Alex told her it's because she dropped her pendant. Whose story is she going to believe in? She could feel her heart beat differently ever since she saw him with General Shepherd. Her whole body except for her brain reacted to his presence. She even felt weak after slapping him, it's like her brain commanded it but her hands wanted to disobey. Who is he?

Maxine passed by with an apple she got from the kitchen counter.

"Sam, you okay?" she asked, biting the fruit and sitting in the chair across from her.

"I've been thinking… about how you knew Alex and how she knows me…" she sighed, it was relieving to let out all her bottled thoughts, especially that now they're both alone.

"Well, we met in a bar. Had a few drinks then showed me a photo of you." she said, holding her hand.

"I honestly believed he did know you and tried to lengthen the conversation, just so I know he's good enough and knows a lot. He actually aced the test but he was very drunk when I told her to meet again. After that He showed up the next day and I had to work. Whatever happened after my shift was- ow." she interrupted herself because of a minor pain from recalling her memories. She still hasn't been able to remember all of them, even after a lot of sleep.

"Yeah. That's about it on your side. Mine's just that… He looked creepy, his eyes felt like he was looking for me in a weird way and so I ran. After that life continued. You went on a leave and I resumed working." She supplied, staring at the grey walls of the mess hall.

"I wish I'd remember where I went on that vacation. It'd be cool." Max commented, crunching on another bite.

"My heart… beats differently when he's near. It's like he's really familiar." She whispered.

"Oh. Someone's been struck by the Cupid. He is attractive though. Without those ink, he'd probably be your type." Max teased, winking at her and nudging her. Samantha was serious, though.

"Look. I admit my heart feels something for him. It's a mix of guilt and longing. But why would I long for someone I just met?" She sighed and dropped her head on the table, groaning as her mind and her heart battled against the inconsistencies.

"Look. It's not too crowded here. Maybe we could do some research by their library!" Max suggested, creating finger guns and humming the Mission Impossible theme song as she stood up and went to the library. Samantha chuckled.

"So we're spies now?!" She placed a hand on her forehead as she followed her wacky best friend.

Maxine typed down Alex on the search bar, his public profile appeared and they began reading his file. It was all basic ideas, Nationality, Height, his name was redacted and they couldn't bypass it so they just ignored it and headed to the next term.

"CIA Agent Alex helped locate and detain CIA Mole." Samantha read with her mouth. Maxine quickly clicked the article and photos of her appeared on almost every page.

Unlike Maxine, these notes didn't hurt her mind except it hurt her heart that she treated him that way, after all this time. He was there to save her. He located you through Maxine to save you from the same captors that played with your brain months ago.

"Ooooh. It says here you two were safely housed in a remote safehouse for almost a month. Really Sam? Maybe something happened within that time? Can you please remember how he looked underneath those clothes. For me?" she giggled. Samantha knew she was joking but it was an honest possibility.

Could it be that she fell for the guy that saved her and sat with her for almost a month? Or the two of them fell in love? Her heart was racing as the possibilities overloaded her brain, her cheeks started to blush as her thoughts consumed her. This wasn't her mind talking to her, it was her heart. It's reminding her of Alex.

"Oh. Shit." Maxine muttered and Sam snapped back to reality, putting her hand on Max's shoulders and looked into the screen once again.

Due to a special favor promised by Samantha's father, he has authorized to apply an MK Ultra procedure to her, whose main intention is to Alter her memories of the IP Address along with the events that happened prior to kidnapping.

"You agreed to forget him?" Max looked at her, a frown formed as she started to console her.

"I guess so… Maybe something happened between us." She sobbed. She didn't want to cry, but the realization set in on her. They met, they bonded and she forced herself to forget him. No wonder Alex felt sad after being slapped.

"I want to ask him about us." Sam said with determination. Maxine liked the confidence but was also concerned about her feelings.

"What if you wanted to forget him, that's why you did it? Would you be ready to feel the sadness all over again?" Maxine asked. Samantha paused for a while. She made sense but her gut is telling her to push through her initial plan.

"I'm sorry Max, but I made my choice. I have to know everything about us, Whatever it Takes." she said.

"I'm here to support you. After all, you're the only memory I have left. They took everything. I don't know why but my memory began when I moved in. That's where my story started. Maybe there's a reason for it so, here I am for you. You're my family." she said, hugging her tight.

"Well, you could add a few more people in your family." she smiled.

"Yeah. It's full of tough looking brothers ready to protect us. And one soft Gary." she noted.

"He is a sweetheart, huh?" Samantha asked, getting a hint of something else from her.

"Well, he talks a lot and he gets me sometimes. It's a shame he's always out there saving the world." Max chuckled. Samantha froze.

"I know you want this to work..."

"This is our proposed digital art for our ad…"

"... and I know in my heart that I do too…"

"The colors need to be more vibrant!"

"...but I can't live loving you with worry in my heart..."

"I'm staying a little bit longer, See you tomorrow!"

"... and I don't want to be the reason that you'll stop saving the world. I know you want that. It's your job to. It's what you built your whole life to become..."

Her head started projecting two realities, it confused her. Which was right and which was wrong? She knew the work one was right, but the memories she just made right now while crying in front of Alex made more sense. Which was real? Which was fake?

"Sam! You okay?" Maxine snapped her fingers and Samantha blinked rapidly.

"I'm going crazy Max." she panted.

"What's wrong?" she consoled.

"My memories. They're all wrong. Why did I agree to this?" Samantha continued breathing heavily.

"Well, for starters. It's to forget that IP Address you memorized as a kid."

"But why did they change the recent ones too? Did I decide that my time spent with Alex is worth forgetting? Did he break my heart or did I break his?" She sighed. She knew for herself that she was unable to love again because of her loss, but what if Alex made it right for her? Alex did something that helped her move on? That's why her heart felt yearning for him?

"Sam. I'm no love doctor but if this really bothers you, you should talk to him. I have no idea when they'll get back but I'm looking forward to your resolution." She patted her shoulders and gave her a soft hug. Samantha felt like crying, but why?

After a while, Samantha actually had the courage to ask about Alex's whereabouts. Word has it that he's being redeployed to Germany to investigate another alleged Augustus base and that they had no idea when he'll be back.

This worries Samantha because they already heard about a transfer of authority, which in simple words meant : You're leaving the base. And that meant she won't see Alex anymore.

Maxine and Samantha sat on their beds at the infirmary to recover once again, both of them fell quiet as the news they got started to bother them. They already got attached to the people in the base and were sure that they're going to miss them. All they could do is hope that the team gets home before they leave the base.

“You think Alex will be okay?” Samantha shifted her sleeping position to Maxine, who was still awake humming to soothing melodies. Maxine shifted to face her too and smiled.

“You’re worried.” She teased, making her smile and giggle.

“Well, my heart told me I have to worry…”

“That’s normal. And don’t you worry ‘bout a thing… He’s a tough guy, remember? He’s trained to survive such harsh conditions. That’s what his file said, right?” She reminded Samantha, giving her an assuring smile. Samantha shrugged off her worry and closed her eyes. She started to imagine what it felt like being with him, based on information from his file. She can’t help but smile at her crazy idea. She felt like a teenager all over again, obsessing herself on fictional characters she watched on TV, since she could only base his personality on words alone. But she did remember how his cheeks felt, from the slap, and placed her palm on her cheek as well. It felt like he was with her and her heart felt excited as she awaited for his return.

Next Chapter : The Berlin Tower

NOTIFICATION SQUAD MY BELOVED ❤️

@smokeywhalee @enderio @samatedeansbroccoli @whimsywispsblog @beemybee @ricinbach

#omg the picture I'm Sorry I tried #codmwfic #whateverittakes #alex echo 3 1 #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #john price #gary roach sanderson

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ma-gic-gay · 3 years

Note

A few hours later, Carly's finally managed to sleep. It was a battle to get her to even admit she was tired, so it's peaceful that she's agreed to.

Besides one ten minute bathroom and punching a wall break, he hasn't left her bedside, nor alerted her kids yet that she's in the hospital. Sound the alarms when she's okay with it, or really needs everyone to be there that very second. That might mean it'll be a while before they find out, but whatever.

Well, it was peaceful, that is, until she woke up screaming for him even though he's sitting right next to her.

"Jason!" She screams, half sobbing. She's reliving it, breaking his heart once more. There are very few things in this world that can make Jason Morgan cry, but Carly Corinthos crying or being hurt in any way, shape, or form can in a single second.

"I'm right here," he assures her, watching her breathing slow slightly from the rapid pace it was at as she registers the sound of his voice. "You're safe now, I'm here."

"Don't let me go," she half begs. "Cyrus, he'll be back any minute now."

"Hey, look at me. Focus on me, alright?" Jason asks, shifting her face so she's looking at him. "Take me hand. Just trust me, you're safe."

"Is that blood? Do I feel blood? Did you- where's Cyrus? Did you kill him?"

"Yes, you feel blood but that's not what's important right now-"

"You are bleeding, I think that matters. Did you do it, did you kill Cyrus?" Carly asks, still thinking they're in that little room from what he can tell.

"No, I didn't kill him. Carly, you're at GH. You got kidnapped and raped. Cyrus is in police custody right now," he reminds her gingerly.

She starts looking around, calming down from her nightmare. "Jason, why the hell are you bleeding?"

"I punched a wall."

"Sudden outbursts of anger like that in a public place aren't a good idea."

"Yeah, well you were sleeping, I had to pee and I heard the nurses gossipping about what happened to you so I punched a wall."

"And you've got bloody hands. You've got to get these stitched, this could be a deep cut. Let me look and check it out."

"You barely passed nursing school, Carly, and that was 30 years ago. Do you feel qualified to tell me whether or not I need stitches?"

"Yes, I do."

Sighing his defeat, he lets her look at his hands. "Okay, this isn't that bad. You don't need stitches but you do need a bandage and some hydrogen peroxide that I will apply myself because I do not trust that twelve year old to do it for you," Carly smiles. "God, if only I'd paid attention in nursing school."

"I take it you mean Elizabeth when you say the twelve year old?"

"Correct. Liz can go treat the other patients. I, on the other hand, have absolutely nothing to do so you are going to let me find bandages and a first aid kit and fix you up."

This is better than sobbing, right? Maybe?

She presses the little red button for a nurse and Elizabeth walks in. "I need a first aid kit and bandages."

"For what, exactly?"

"Jason's hand," Carly answers smugly, holding it up. "I'm patching it up for him."

"It's my job to do that, Carly."

"No, it's my job to make sure he doesn't get hurt as his best friend. It's your job to make sure I'm not going to be dead by morning," she responds sarcastically. God help them all, she's gonna pick a fight.

"Fine, Carly. I'll get you the first aid kit. Don't kill him, alright?" Elizabeth says, grimacing.

"Not to worry, Liz, I take plenty good care of him."

When she leaves, he rolls his eyes at her. "I thought you and Elizabeth called a truce. Or did I forget and now I'm going to be in hell for the next few days while you're in here?"

"I'm not being rude. We agreed to not fist fight each other and I'm not bad mouthing her," she defends herself quickly before changing the topic in a way only she can do successfully. "Alright, we need to have a discussion."

"I liked it better when you were sleeping," Jason groans.

"You love me," she counters. "And besides it's not going to be taking forever."

"Sure," he agrees sarcastically and she fakes offended.

"Well I need to stay awake somehow until little miss perfect over there gets me some damn bandaids," the blonde smiles, "and now I want to walk down memory lane. Let's reminisce, shall we?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"No."

"Then I guess we're reminiscing."

In light of recent events (fucking and kissing), this is definitely a stupid idea. Probably one of her dumbest yet. Well, no, it doesn't involve a kidnapping or marriage. So probably one of the weirder ones. Not dumb, persay, but strange.

"You remember the morning after? The first one, when I told you you were gonna be my boy on the side and you didn't even want to know my name?" She asks, smiling at the memory.

"Yeah. We never managed to do that, did we?"

"Well, in my defense, I was thinking, here's this super hot guy, and I wanted to know more about him."

"You were bored and needed a friend."

"Well, I did need a friend too but my point still stands." When he waves his hand unceremoniously, she continues, "and then I remember when I showed up on your doorstep, pregnant with Michael. I kicked you out of a meeting and everything to tell you and beg you to claim to be the dad."

"I agreed because he needed to be kept away from AJ, which I still stand by. Besides, I didn't have anything else to do."

"And I ended up giving you a child. Sorry for, you know, fucking that up with AJ," Carly says, "but I think that kid grew up with you and Sonny as his dad figures, which is better than I ever got."

"I don't know how much better but I agree he's a great guy"

"Because of you. Sonny, yes of course he loved Michael, but come on. He raised him when it was convenient, like all of his other kids. You raised Michael and didn't accept any credit I gave you for how he turned out," she smiles sadly at him.

"Well, that's because you raised a great kid with Sonny."

"And you. Moreso you, if you think about it, because as much as I loved Sonny, he didn't raise a kid. Dante was raised by Olivia, you, Jax, and I played more of a role in Michael's life, Alexis raised Kristina, Ava and I raise Avery more than him, Morgan was raised more by Jax, you and I, and Donna won't even have any memories of him, so I'm hoping she turns out okay."

"She will. After all, all of your kids are doing great."

"Thanks," she smiles. "And thanks for not calling them when you got here. I just, I can't deal with that right now."

"Exactly why I didn't tell them."

"You remember that time you kissed me, after Bobbie's not wedding to Jerry?"

"Yeah."

"God, who would've thought all those years ago we'd end never even giving it a shot."

"Me."

"Only after I slept with Sonny."

"Fair enough."

"Sorry for pretty much cheating on you and, you know, ruining what was basically the healthiest relationship I ever had up until that point. It really only rivals Jax, and even then, he was a bitch about Josslyn's custody."

"I forgave you for that a long time ago, Carly. You know that."

"Yeah but it was still a shitty thing to do. I mean, if I had any sense at all, I would've just stormed in there and asked you what you were doing and it never would've happened."

"No point dwelling on the past," Jason suggests.

"No point? Do you know what I was doing the whole time you were gone and I wasn't kidnapped? Thinking about the past. Thinking about everything we went through. I mean, the fact we didn't kill each other is impressive as it is." Carly marvels at their past.

"Because of last night?"

"Yeah, because of last night and because of this whole year and just everything. It just, it made me think."

"Oh no."

"It's not bad thoughts! But it got me thinking, we never gave us a shot."

"Because we decided each time we had an opportunity it wouldn't work," he reminds her. "Or you came up with yet another plan that would inevitably lead to us getting into a fight."

"My plans happen less and less now."

"Which makes them more and more dangerous," Jason argues.

"This isn't about my plans, it's about our past."

Ugh, conversations like this are the bane of his existence. They're also a great time, normally, to tune her out but this one, he can't. Not after his own mental confusion regarding their present and maybe it had something to die with their past. Maybe.

"Because of what happened last night, Carly, you think we're, what, meant to be or something?"

"When did you get to be such a mind reader?" She asks with a very large smile on her face.

"Are you flirting with me?"

"Just kiss me."

He obliges.

To be continued after I get a good six hours of sleep (:) I live in pain

for you :)

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addictofsupernatural · 4 years

Text

Dating a Freak

Boaz Priestly x reader

Summary: You reminisce over the course of your amazing relationship.

Author Note: I'm so sorry this took long.

Requested by: @forest-rav3n

Word Count: 2445

The time spent with Priestly has been the best time of your life. Every day was amazing. It was filled with filled with laughter and love, and it was an adventure. It made you remember how you fell in love.

You first met when you applied for the job at Beach City Grill, with your novelty movie t-shirt and a bubbly attitude. "She's gotta pass the interview first." Piper said.

"I'm cool with that." You smiled.

"Okay then," Priestly then leaned on the counter. "Elvis. Dead or alive?"

"Easy, alive. Next question."

"You're hired." He said. You chuckled and looked at Trucker, who smiled and shrugged.

You then helped with cooking the meat, as well as baking cookies for the kids meals. Priestly would constantly make jokes to you, and you always laughed. Sometimes when he was doing one of his random debates with Trucker, you'd hype the both of them up, just to get a kick out of Priestly getting more excited and energized over whatever they were talking about.

Regulars loved you. You would always make extra cookies for the two old people who would come in, as well as the kid who came in weekly. He was an adult already, but was autistic. He looked uncomfortable when he first walked in since everybody was staring at him, so you couldn't help but smile at him and give him some cookies. He smiled back at you and would come back every Tuesday during lunch.

Sometimes guys would try to hit on you. You'd ask for their order and they'd try their best to get you to come with them after work. Usually your roll your eyes and say, "Tish, you have a customer."

Sometimes you'd just turn them down flat. Either way you handled them, it always put a smile to Priestly's face. Not that you knew.

But there was one day where Priestly wasn't at work yet, and these guys walked in. One of them tried to get you come home with him, and you told him that you weren't like that. He scoffed. "C'mon, you won't get this opportunity all the time. It's not like I'm asking for your face. You just happen to have a nice body."

You threw his order at him. "Just fucking pay and leave. Learn how to take a damn rejection."

He paid and stormed out with his friends. One of his friends stayed behind and told you, "He's right, y'know." and left.

You don't know why their words hit you so hard, but they did. What if they were right? "You alright angel?"

"Um, yeah, yeah," you said with a smile that you could barely muster up. "I just need some time alone for a bit."

You then sat in the storage room and silently cried. Priestly walked in and announced himself before asking where you were. They told him what happened and he rushed over to the storage room. He saw you on the floor, with your face in your hands. "Y/n." He kneeled down.

"Do you think I'm ugly?" Your voice was quiet, and your face was still buried in your hands.

He took away your hands from your face, and you looked up to see his worried face. "You shouldn't have to worry about artificial crap like that. You're awesome in everyway. Like the way you defend yourself from jackasses, or how you make extra cookies for the special needs kid that most people like to make fun of. What matters is that you're a pretty fucking amazing person."

You wiped your eyes and chuckled. "Thanks Priestly. You're always so good to me." You gave him a hug, which made him tense up for a up before relaxing and hugging you back.

"And to answer your question, no. I don't think you're ugly at all. You're actually think you're pretty hot." You giggled.

You then began to develop feelings for Priestly. Though you kept it to yourself, everybody else found out about it. Tish teased you about it and made comments on how it was a mystery that anyone could crush on someone as weird as him. Piper, Trucker, and Jen told you that you'd be good together and to go for it. Jen would make the occasional joke about Priestly. Zoe told you that she could sense the same feelings in Priestly as well. Though you were grateful for the support, you weren't confident in what he thought about you enough to do anything about your feelings.

Then there was the whole tampon run. You figured that he would need help and came with him. You kept making jokes when he was panicking on what to get. After you helped him pick one out, you went to grab different items while he stood in line.

You heard people making fun of him, and him retaliating with a speech about having a girlfriend and getting laid. You figured that it'd be the right thing to help him out, and although it was embarrassing for you, it was for Priestly.

You took out the hair tie in your hair, letting your hair fall down your shoulders. You tied your shirt up from the back into a crop top with the hair tie. You walked up to Priestly and gave him a long kiss on the lips. "Hey babe. Got everything?"

He looked at you with a shocked expression, but quickly recovered to get into character with you. "Yeah. I got your tampons for you."

"Aww, thanks babe. But you know I'm not on it anymore this month, right?" You wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed his neck.

"Hell yeah I do. Let's go home." He slapped a 20 on the counter.

"Whatever you say." You grabbed the bag of items and Priestly put and arm around your shoulder.

"Keep the change. Peace." He said before giving them the peace sign that turned into flipping them off. Once you got out of the store the both of you started laughing together. "Well now, we got ourselves an actress."

"It isn't really hard to act that way with you." You said absentmindedly, instantly regretting it. His facial expression changed a bit, and you looked down in embarrassment. Of course he'd feel weird about that. How could he even like you like that? "Um, anyways, we should head back to the grill."

As you and Priestly cleaned up that night, he tapped your shoulder gently from behind. You turned around looked up to the tall nervous looking man standing in front of you. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just wanted to ask you something important. Just, y'know, don't laugh or anything." You smiled and nodded for him to continue. "Would you, like to, accompany me on a date tonight?" He asked slowly.

"A date?" You asked. He nodded, and your lips went into a wide grin. Holy crap, Zoe was actually a witch, and you loved her for it. "I'd love to."

"Really?" He asked, smiling.

You giggled and nodded, wrapping your arms around him. "Can you give me a ride home so I can get ready?"

He put his hands on his hips and shook his head. "So lazy." He then walked outside and held the door open for you. Once you got to your house, he put his hand over you before you could leave the car. "Wear something nice."

"Like what, my cleanest hoodie?" You teased.

"As much as I'd love to see the hoodie I got you for your birthday, nah. I mean dressing like you're going to a fancy place." You nodded and kissed his cheek, walking up to your apartment number.

You put on a white long sleeved shirt and a flowy peach mini skirt. You'd never really had a reason to put this on before, but wearing it made you feel nervous on what Priestly would think of the outfit. What would he be wearing? Maybe his quilt, and the two of you would both have shirts on. Maybe he did his hair in a different style. All you knew was that you couldn't wait for him to come.

About an hour later you heard a knock at the door and excitedly ran to it. You answered it, and wasn't ready for what you saw. All of Priestly's piercings were out, and the hair color was washed off. He was wearing a nice black blazer with a light blue button up. He looked shy. "Holy shit." You laughed out.

"Would you care to accompany me on this date Miss y/l/n?" He offered his arm.

You hooked your arm into his. "Of course." He smiled and looked down. "You look very nice, by the way."

"You look gorgeous." He opened the car door for you. You smiled at him and gave his cheek a kiss before going in the car.

"You cleaned the car." You looked around.

He shrugged and smiled. "I cleaned the car."

He took you to a nice restaurant, where the two of you talked about anything and everything. Though Priestly tried to remain a civilized gentleman, his true unfiltered jokester self was shining through, and you thought it was the cutest thing ever. Afterwards the you two walked together along the beach, where he put his blazer over your shoulders and listened to you ramble on.

He then took you home and kissed your cheek. "Aren't you just adorable tonight?" You teased.

"Well, do you like me better like this?" He had a nervous smile.

You chuckled and shook your head. "I have no idea what you're talking about. Just because you dressed differently doesn't make you a different person. You're still my Priestly that always puts a smile on my face."

"Your Priestly?" His face was now covered with a wide grin.

"Well, as long as I can be your y/n." He went in for a passionate kiss. Once you pulled back for breath, you asked. "Do you wanna come in?" His facial expression changed to nervous again. "Not for that reason, dumbass. I just don't want this date to be over. I made brownies the other day." He smiled and came in.

You woke up leaning on Priestly as a pillow with the TV still on. You checked the time and saw that your shifts start in ten minutes. In a panic, you shook Priestly awake and told him about the time, hurriedly brushing your teeth and putting on your shoes. "You don't have to worry. I'm always late." He said groggily from the couch.

"Okay, just cause you're cute when your sleepy, doesn't mean we don't still gotta go to work." You said.

"Wait, I have to put on my hair color and get ready."

"Then let's go to your place real quick." You handed him his shoes and pushed him out of the apartment.

As you were driving to his house, he said, "You fell asleep on me." You turned to see his adorable smile.

"You wouldn't let me leave your arms." You smiled back.

"And you're still wearing your clothes from last night."

You looked down, still in the skirt and shirt. "Crap. Can I borrow a shirt?"

"That'd be pretty hot." You both later came in together. Priestly was wearing one of his regular outfits, and you were wearing his Tip me or DIE shirt tucked in under your skirt and a flannel. "We're here!"

Everybody stared at you while you walked behind the counter. "It's not what it looks like." You said before you went into the storage room, with the other three girls excitedly running after you.

After that you two were unbreakable. He would always make sure you were feeling loved, from a simple squeeze on your arm to a passionate kiss. And most of all, he just couldn't help but praise you.

He would try his best to make romantic dates and be a gentleman, but sometimes it was too easy to provoke his playful side. At times he would take you on regular dates, like the movies or a carnival. You would take him on dates as well, from picnics to watching one of his favorite rock bands.

You were the first one to say that you love him. You knew that he was shy when it came to his feelings, so you were okay with saying it first.

It came naturally. The two of you had waited for a while to have sex. It had to be perfect, and he didn't want you to think of your first time with him as a cheap hook up. He wanted it to mean something.

That's why when he took you to a fancy restaurant, and had a walk in the park with Priestly and you acting like children and hopping on the big stones by the walkway. He then took you back to his apartment, where the two of made love.

When you woke up the next morning, you felt him kiss the top of your head before getting off the bed. He told you that he would make you some eggs, and you rolled onto your stomach. You smiled. That's when you said it. "I love you."

He stopped in his tracks, and ran over to the bed, kneeling down. "What?!"

"I love you." You bit your lip to hold in your laugh. You knew he felt the same way, and watching his innocent looking face was almost too adorable. "Do you have something to tell me?" You joked.

He gave you the biggest smile before excitingly jumping onto the bed and smothering you with kisses. "I love you too!" He laughed out between kisses.

After a few months of bliss, Priestly had a plan. He had a plan to watch your favorite movies, to cook you dinner, and to have you feel special. He had a plan, which was in a little black box on his top drawer at home. He had a plan to ask you a question, so you two could go on amazing dates forever.

#boaz prieslty x reader #boaz priestly #ten inch hero #boaz priestly fanfiction #ten inch hero fanfiction

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joeinfurnari · 4 years

Text

My Dinner with Andre

My Dinner with Andre might be one of the most difficult movies for many viewers to watch. The artsy crowd would call it minimalist while the more lowbrow among us would say it’s boring! There’s just so little to it that there is a valid case for both. The story is simply a struggling young playwright, Wally agrees to meet an acquaintance, Andre, for dinner at a nice restaurant in decaying New York city and conversation ensues. The end. But like so many things in life, My Dinner with Andre gives you so much more if you really listen closely. I recently watched it again and I forgot just how great it is and how it continues to speak to us today.

It’s so stark and unapologetic about being without plot that it’s become the subject of many pop culture parodies. I know there is a Simpson’s reference to it but I most enjoyed the episode of Community that spoofs it. You may think that this comes from a place of common dislike for the movie but it’s actually the opposite. The parodies just prove how influential and beloved it is. Why? For me, the appeal is the conversation itself. It’s been celebrated for being a complete fiction that does a great job at coming across as a documentary but that’s just appreciation on a formal level. It’s not just that they had a conversation that’s important, it’s what they talk about that matters. The content of that discussion is so important, the writers and filmmaker felt it merited being the subject of a film without any distraction. To say that Louis Malle created My Dinner with Andre for the iconoclasm alone, misses the point.

The two men seated at dinner are artists/playwrights and catch up on the long period since they last encountered each other. They’re not really friends and Wally even debates cancelling the dinner before ultimately opting to go. He’s a working writer and artist making ends meet in New York City while Andre has had a long hiatus from creative life spent on travel and self examination. Wally confirms their community speculation that Andre has money that allows his adventures. Andre at first spends dominates the conversation with anecdotes about mutual acquaintances and talks about some of the retreats and workshops he’s attended recently. Andre has dropped out of the arts and has been on a personal quest to find himself after becoming disillusioned with his life.

In the time since they last spoke Andre describes a crisis in his creative life. He left the theater and traveled to Poland where he spent time with strangers in the woods creating experimental theater. He didn’t speak or understand Polish and they didn’t understand English but the time spent together was transformative. What began for him as creative exploration in the woods forced him to act as himself and in so doing he was forced to examine his life and how he acts when he plays himself:

So, you follow the same law of improvisation…which is that you do whatever your impulse, as the character, tells you to do…but in this case, you are the character. So there's no imaginary situation to hide behind…and there's no other person to hide behind. What you're doing, in fact, is you're asking those same questions…that Stanislavsky said the actor should constantly ask himself as a character:

Who am I? Why am I here? Where do I come from, and where am I going?

But instead of applying them to a role, you apply them to yourself.

Andre tells more stories of his spiritual and creative adventures. For him, his journey to this dinner has been full of magic, mystery, serendipity and travel to exotic locations including India and even a Saharan Oasis. The restaurant is quite nice but it is still remarkably banal compared to Andre’s monstrous hallucinations and descriptions of his process of personal exploration. It culminates in a description of being buried alive in Montauk, NY. From that point on, Andre becomes surprised by his own reactions to things in his life. He even begins to look at himself and the sort of person who would spend his time the way he has. People in his life who he called friends, repulse him. Figures on television appear to be objectively horrible people. He says,

And I suddenly had this feeling I was just as creepy as they were…and that my whole life had been a sham…

…

I mean, I really feel that I'm just washed up, wiped out. I feel I've just squandered my life.

Moments later he goes on to say,

Well, you know, I may be in a very emotional state right now, Wally.…but since I've come back home I've just been finding the world we're living in…more and more upsetting.

It’s as though Andre has a new perception of the world that is in stark contrast to his former self. He’s alone in this perspective until he sees a woman working in the theater who recognizes the trouble on his face. Where everyone else he encountered commented on how great he looked, this woman somehow knew by looking at him, the emotional state he was in. Because of this woman’s recent loss of her mother, she was able to see him clearly. Andre says,

She didn't know anything about what I'd been going through. But the other people, what they saw was this tan, or this shirt…or the fact that the shirt goes well with the tan.

So they said, " Gee, you look wonderful." Now, they're living in an insane dreamworld.

They're not looking.

That seems very strange to me. Right, because they just didn'ts ee anything, somehow.…except, uh, the few little things that they wanted to see.

All of this has resonated with me very personally. I similarly feel as though my perspective on the world has shifted and it has made me incompatible with things as they are and people who aren’t looking. It’s as though my prior life was a dream, honestly. When I think of how I thought about the world and other people for most of my life, I also hate that prior self. I agree with Andre that that earlier version of myself inhabited an insane dreamworld. Andre describes it using the example of his dying mother. Although she was terminally ill and appeared only minutes away from death, the specialist was beaming at all the progress she was making. For this doctor, he had so narrowed his goals/perception to her arm that any healing on that front was cause for celebration. Insane.

I mean, we're just walking around in some kind of fog. I think we're all in a trance. We're walking around like zombies. I don't…I don't think we're even aware of ourselves or our own reaction to things.

We…We're just going around all day like unconscious machines…and meanwhile there's all of this rage and worry and uneasiness…just building up and building up inside us.

And later, Andre continues to describe this state of mind:

Isn't it amazing how often a doctor…will live up to our expectation of how a doctor should look? When you see a terrorist on television, he looks just like a terrorist. I mean, we live in a world in which fathers…or single people, or artists…are all trying to live up to someone's fantasy…of how a father, or a single person,or an artist should look and behave.

They all act as if they know exactly how they ought to conduct themselves…at every single moment…and they all seem totally self-confident.

For two men involved in theater, they are approaching the idea that who we fashion ourselves to be, is selected from clearly defined character behaviors and appearance. For an actor, it must be disturbing for there to be no leap between the actor and the character. Why is it that someone who adopts the role of artist in real life, chooses to look like what we expect? As average people in our world, we’re acting our roles as they have been defined for us by someone else. This should be alarming to everyone and not just Andre and Wally.

I mean, we just put no value at all on perceiving reality. I mean, on the contrary, this incredible emphasis that we all place now.…on our so-called careers…automatically makes perceiving reality a very low priority…because if your life is organized around trying to be successful in a career…well, it just doesn't matter what you perceive or what you experience. You can really sort of shut your mind off for years ahead, in a way. You can sort of turn on the automatic pilot.

How many of us are doing this right now? I did it for many years, always overlooking the here and now for some future reward that all of it was building towards. I also think if your focus is on a career, it’s less on the experience and wisdom needed to fully embody that role. This is why this is such a great film. It may not wow you with realistic explosions but it challenges you to question your view on your life and your world. You shouldn’t be content with the way things are. If you are, you are part of a very fortunate few and you may be overlooking much of the world to do so.

people's concentration is on their goals.…in their life they just live each moment by habit.

…

And if you're just operating by habit…then you're not really living. I mean, you know, in Sanskrit, the root of the verb " to be".…is the same as " to grow" or " to make grow. "

This is something I think about a lot. I live as a cartoonist dedicated to writing and drawing and designing and promoting and tweeting and posting and editing etc. in a driving need to produce, produce, produce. Am I really living? I don’t think so. It’s okay to admit it. This wasn’t a world of my creation but if I’m alive and active in it, I can change it. This film gave me a way to understand the things that I’ve gone through over the last few years. Without art, I wouldn’t have evidence that others have been where I stand. I feel less alone and more hopeful.

Wally talks about the need for escapism and comfort from art against the harsh reality of every day life. The choice is to create art that is comforting but for all its warmth, fails to acknowledge reality and might contribute to a collective disengaging with reality and most importantly, each other.

…we're starving because we're so cut off from contact with reality…that we're not getting any real sustenance,'cause we don't see the world. We don't see ourselves. We don't see how our actions affect other people.

This is heady stuff, for sure. All of this is to get us thinking about the nature of our lives and really see the things we’ve chosen for ourselves. To truly be free is to be able to think outside the characters and roles defined for us…even the ones we think we chose but didn’t create. Only by looking at ourselves honestly and as objectively as possible can we see how far from our own humanity we have come. Andre went through a personal crisis in which he went through a dramatization of his own death and rebirth. The fresh eyes this has given him as illuminated a very dark reality. There are no fancy distractions in this film because it is a battle cry for humanity’s future. Under the guise of a polite conversation about things most average people would discount as having no bearing on reality is actually about a fundamental reality that has changed without our conscious consent. His advise:

Get out of here.

…

the 1960s.…represented the last burst of the human being before he was extinguished…and that this is the beginning of the rest of the future, now…and that from now on there'll simply be all these robots walking around…feeling nothing, thinking nothing. And there'll be nobody left almost to remind them.…that there once was a species called a human being…with feelings and thoughts…and that history and memory are right now being erased…and soon nobody will really remember.…that life existed on the planet.

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justtrying-studyblog · 2 years

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Comfort Zones & The Age Old Question

There are many things I imagined about how my college experience would go. I would study in the library with my friends, have a cute dorm room, go on crazy adventures that I'd tell my future kids about. What I never pictured were the nights of doubt and tears, breaking down in the middle of the day at a picture of my family and the feeling of emptiness that follows like a shadow, waiting for the next chance you're by yourself to truly strike. I would associate my current mental state with that of early 2020 pandemic quarantine. Yeah, so not the best.

I really enjoy my classes, I find them really interesting and I can't wait to devel more into the subject. I was also fortunate enough to have one of my high school friends right beside me for every step. Even my roommates, though strong personalities are okay. Something that I can't get over though is the environment I am in.

I find myself wondering why I choose this school. I was writing the pros and cons of this school the other day and found myself asking the age-old question, why am I here? Not Earth, but this school. What about this school made me choose it? It certainly wasn't its academic program, because where my classes are interesting, it's not a quality of education I can't get anywhere else. It's not the surrounding town which is as bare as a baby's bottom. It's definitely not for the smell that comes in daily that I kid you not is literal cow shit (this town is surrounded by cow fields and cow fields).

I can't really explain why I choose this school. Maybe because it was the only one that accepted me by the morning that I randomly awoke and decided I would select my college. Whatever it was, I can clearly say, I will not be returning for next semester.

But what about right now? How do I decide if I want to continue somewhere that I've already given a deadline to? I am really struggling with this decision, of toughing it out for a semester, hoping that it gets better, or giving in to the needs of my mental health and dropping out this semester to attend the university my family attended with the same educational benefits but close to my comfort zone. Normally, I would say to give it at least a month to truly see, were it not for the drop deadline just two days away.

As you guys know, I have never had it easy when it comes to deadlines.

On one hand, I'm already here. I already have a routine (ish) and I have had a job since I transferred to a new store over here. I have my spot where I sit each class and the select people I talk to. I have established myself (physically at least) here.

On the other hand, my mental health is declining, and staying would be a gamble if it gets better or not. It truly is not alright that I feel like crying at every second or that I feel like I'm on the brink of not okay. If I returned home, I could work at my old job who already said they'd take me back whenever. I would be able to apply for either online classes in the same subjects I'm taking now or hope there are openings in the local university that my dad teaches at and almost all my sisters went/are going to.

I know people encourage breaking out of your comfort zone, but at what point have you gone too far?

I don't mean to dump this on you guys, I'm just trying to work this out. And maybe, a part of me hopes that someone will see this and help me, tell me what to do. Or maybe, that I'll inspire someone to seek their own truth. Cause just like choosing a university, this decision is ultimately my own. I have to walk my own path and though I can ask for guidance, at the end of the day it is me who walks it.

For now, my answer is to sleep on it. It's a lot to think about. I have decided to visit my family after my shift at work tomorrow, and hopefully, they can give me that guidance. I have to walk this path, but do I have to be miserable about it?

As always, ✨stay safe and sleep on it✨

#study blog #studyblr #university #life update #mental health

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forkanna · 7 years

Link

[AO3 LINK] [EF LINK]

NOTE: This is where things are gonna start to shift a bit.

Another week or so passed. To be honest, you really missed nothing, other than Stephen giving me a plastic baggie with some of my stone-flakes in it because he wasn't sure what else to do with them. He also gave me one of the bottles of Soft to keep in my place, just in case it happened again. That did seem like a precaution I should have already thought of myself.

And a lot of Knives. A loooot of her hanging around, and finally weaseling my number out of me so she could text and ask if she could come over. I ignored a lot of her texts, but she still always managed to get me to agree to a time she could come bouncing through my door with one of her attack-hugs at the ready. We mostly just watched movies or played video games. Met up with Stephen and Joseph some other night at a sushi place. And the whole time, I didn't know what to do with myself.

Before you ask, there were a couple of close calls. Because we can all tell where this is going already, so I'm just putting it out there.

Three nights after we were watching the samurai movie, she came in for a hug. Slower than usual, and I mean like, at a snail's pace. Turned out, she just thought it would be funny if we bumped noses, but I was just slightly-drunk enough to think she was going in for something else. I blame the tequila shots, and therefore, on Steph who had ordered them. Dumb lush. But I managed to play it off that she was just too close to my face, and that was why I flinched.

Then there was the next day, when we split a Canadian from Pizza Pizza for dinner. We both went in for a slice at the same time and our hands touched; that old thing. I accused her of being a greedy bitch, but she was just biting her bottom lip and giggling before she flicked a mushroom at me. It made me either want to slap her, or… I don't know. For the life of me, I don't know what the fuck was going on in my head, but she let me brush it off and grab a different slice.

But as they say, all good things must come to an end. Which isn't exactly what happens here, but like, go with it, okay?

~ o ~

"I don't understand," she was sighing as she swung upside-down from the monkey bars in Hillcrest Park, jeans-clad knees taking the brunt of her slight weight effortlessly. "My mom acts like she's so worldly, but then she doesn't want me to have a totally normal barista job because it'll distract me from meeting 'a nice man' or becoming a doctor, or whatever."

I sighed as I picked at some peeling paint on one of the bars. I was sitting on a 'step' for the kids to climb up to the slide, though my omnipresent black cloud of misanthropy had kept any actual children far away from us. "She's being a mom. That's what they do: pass judgment on their children's decisions. Mine are in the professional league."

"That sucks." Her eyes went up — and in this case that means they were pointed at the sky, not above her head, which would have been sand. "Don't my tits look great like this?"

"Sure," I snorted. "I m-mean, what makes you think I noticed?"

"Nothing, Kim," she giggled. "Just a thought I had. Oh, did you know TCAD is getting back together?"

I pursed my lips for a moment before answering, "Are they really?"

"Kind of. I mean, it's not the original lineup, though. That'd be huge news, since that jerk Todd was turned into coins!" She flipped up through the bars and began walking on top of them, arms out to the sides to help maintain her balance. "Think the new bassist is that girl from Smashing Turnips. They broke up, remember? Plus they're holding auditions for new drummers but I heard she doesn't want guys applying. Sounded like she was pretty sure of that."

"So now they're an all-girl band? Quaint."

"Envy said in a press release that she was thinking about staying solo, but I guess she had a change of heart. But she did start going by 'Natalie' again, 'cause the solo career didn't work out for her. She said 'I'm just not cut out to be a pop star, it's too high-maintenance'." Then she gasped and turned to look at me. "DUDE! You should so totally try out!"

My eyes widened. "What?! Knives, you-"

"Think about it! You're a drummer, and a girl, and they're super-"

"KNIVES!"

But I wasn't upset about her needling me into life decisions. She wasn't paying attention to what she was doing anymore, and had started to slowly fall off the monkey bars. A little yelp of surprise sounded as her running shoes slipped down and back off the metal, arms windmilling. The world slowed to a crawl. Heart in my throat, I dove, and just barely managed to catch her before falling into the sand around the playscape.

"Shit… are you okay?!" I demanded, my voice an octave too high.

But she wasn't listening. Her eyes were round, and she had her hands locked around the back of my neck. She looked stunned speechless, which was a new look for her. My hands flexed awkwardly in her armpit and under her knee as I held her slight weight, which was still a little heavy but I'm a drummer, so I have a decent amount of upper body strength. I could handle it.

"You saved me," she breathed.

"What? Well… y-yeah, I couldn't let you… fall."

"Um… I probably would have been fine. It's only like five feet, and there's sand everywhere." Her face was closer again. Probably going in for another hug, like last time. "But you caught me, Kim."

For some reason, I couldn't put her down yet. Swallowing down my panic, I whispered, "What if you broke your neck? I'd… I could never live with letting that happen to you."

"Why not?"

She was prying into my feelings and motivations too much. Gruffly, I snapped, "Who else would annoy the hell out of me every day? What a stupid ass question."

Even though that was intended to get her to laugh and call me a dork, or say I was funny, or just to tell me I could put her down, it didn't seem to work the way I hoped.

Because Knives kissed me. And I mean kissed me… and I kissed back. Really, we might have done it at the same time, like when you and a friend automatically go in for the fist bump when something really awesome happens because you're both on the same page. Something about the moment just needed it, even if I didn't fully understand why. Her lips were soft and sweet, and familiar; I knew we'd kissed when drunk, even though I couldn't remember most of it. And the gentle weight in my arms made it perfect.

Of course, once we broke apart a few seconds — minutes, hours, centuries — later, I went into pure panic mode. Or tried to. But the lip-on-lip contact had robbed me of actual power and ability to move. Not like the time I turned to stone, though; this wasn't that serious.

"O-oh," was all she said at first. Though the look in her eyes and the way her breathing was so rapid and shallow told me that the "oh" meant a lot more than that, so just this once, I didn't snap at her to explain.

"Holy balls," I managed to breathe.

"Where did that come from? I mean… it was…"

When her face started glowing, a small, private, sacred smile of pure joy blossoming, I had to drop her to the sand and stand back up, turning around to grip the monkey bars overhead to keep myself from falling over. Why was I so dizzy? Why was I overreacting? I mean, a little part of me had been able to tell that we were trending in this direction. Like magnets, or gentrification of old neighbourhoods; sometimes you just can't stop it. Yet I had kind of thought it might never happen. Or at the very least, it would take longer than a few weeks.

"Kim?" One of her hands came to rest in the small of my back.

"Whoa, whoa," I squeaked, spinning around so fast I almost fell myself. "J-just because we- I mean, you shouldn't- don't do that!"

"Sorry," she breathed as she lowered the hand, rubbing her fingers together as if trying to rid them of the memory. I know I could definitely still feel them on my back.

"No, don't…" Sighing, I pressed both my hands into my face. "AGH!" There was a high-pitched whistling sound. "What the hell is even happening anymore?!"

After a few seconds of silence, Knives cleared her throat. "You, um… does steam come out of your ears normally?"

"No! And it didn't just now, either!"

"But I saw-"

"Nevermind that! Just…" Running hands through my hair, and feeling that it did feel a little warmer and more moist than it should have been, I looked over at her. "Can we just rewind about five minutes and forget that ever happened? I… whatever that was, I'm not ready. I'm not ready for it, Knives."

A little shrug of her shoulders as she stared down at her running shoes. "I haven't unlocked that power-up yet, Kim. Sorry."

"Stop apologising, too! Like… we didn't do anything wrong, it's just way past what I can handle right now. Okay? Please, just… I can't even believe we're having this conversation. And on a playground!"

Ugh. Do you have any idea how terrible I felt? Panicking and making her feel like it was all her fault. It was so hard for me to explain my own feelings that I wound up trampling all over hers. But I didn't know how else to react.

"Kim… it's okay," she said finally, cautiously putting her hands on my shoulders. I twitched, took a step backward, but she followed and kept them there. "It's okay. I don't really understand this, either; I mean, I didn't think I was a lesbian. But then again, I didn't at Julie's aunt's, either, and that still-"

"Let's not talk about that, either," I grunted, ashamed of myself. "Especially since you were still in high school."

"Barely," she made sure to remind me. "But… seriously, you made me feel loved that night, and you made me feel loved just now." My eyes must have bulged in panic, because she reassured me, "Like a friend! A good friend who, uh, doesn't mind… that sometimes? If that's cool…"

"Just how far did we go?" I had to ask.

"Made out for a little while. Some… other stuff, but nobody took off their swimsuit," she assured me nervously, and I sighed in some slight relief. "And it was great! But if you want to not do that again, I'm fine with that. Seriously!"

Temptation reared its ugly head. "Well…" Then I shook myself, gripping at my hair around her hands still on my shoulders. "GAH! Like, I'm kinda curious, but also have never… I mean, I've dated guys all my life, this is a pretty big curveball of a life choice, if it is one. And I didn't think you were anything more than just a friend before today, so isn't it crazy to change statuses all of a sudden like this?"

"Why does it have to be some big 'choice'?" she chuckled softly. It made me mad that she wasn't being serious. No… that isn't true. It made me jealous that she wasn't having as much trouble with it as I was. Yeah, that's way more accurate. "I mean, either you want to kiss me or you don't. Whatever, right?"

"Right. Just so easy. Is that why you've been hanging around me so much? Hoping to wear me down?"

"What? No, I wouldn't- that's not it at all!"

"Are you sure?" She squirmed, but didn't back down. "All that time hanging around, you just were hoping that it would happen again. Great. I thought I really had a friend, and you're just another Scott waiting to happen."

But that was a low blow and we both flinched, her hands falling away from me. Before I could apologise, Knives got to it first. "Kim, I'd never do that. It's hard to blame Scott for what he did, because I hearted him so much, but that's just… not the kind of thing I could ever do to a friend! S-so please, don't say that I would…"

"Knives… shit." Pinching the bridge of my nose, I said, "Okay. You're right, I'm… not being fair."

"You're freaking out is what you are."

"Definitely. Can we… I don't know. I want to run away and hide, but I also don't want you to leave."

"Wanna go to Delicious Cup?" she suggested, again touching my arm. This time, I didn't react, either positively or negatively. "We, um, can just talk there. PDA in the café would be a little gross so it'll make kissing less of a… does 'issue' make sense? Is that the best word?"

Nodding, I swallowed hard. "Yeah. It's a great word. Maybe even word of the day, because I clearly have issues."

"Kim, nooo," she half-whined, grasping my wrist and pulling me along. We only made the briefest of stops to snag our bags from the deserted swingset before heading off past the wading pool. "I mean… I kinda freaked out the next morning after the first time, too, so I totally get it! I just… already worked through all that, maybe? Not with a legit therapist, just did a lot of thinking, and talking to Tamara."

"You talked to Tamara about this?!"

"Not a lot! Just, like, sorting through my feelings! And she wouldn't tell anybody, she's my BFF!"

My body felt like it wanted to turn into stone again, but I forced myself to breathe, to stop acting like every weird moment of my life was the end of the world. "Okay… you're right. Back in those days, I probably would have tried to talk to Stephen about this if I could remember more about that night. But I just wrote it off as being drunk. I mean, I never tried to make out with Ramona, or Julie, or…"

"Actually, I kinda heard that you and Ramona had a slight moment," Knives laughed. When I turned round eyes on her, she protested, "From Lisa! Like, remember when we all got together before she moved away?"

"What moment did we have?" I demanded.

"Something about you and she and Scott being all in the same bed, and you telling them both that you loved them." When she looked back after a few seconds of silence and caught me blushing, she giggled. "You were talking, not doing anything else. At least, I'm pretty sure I'd have heard about anything else."

"Oh, good. I mean, if I had a threesome with Scott and that hair-changing hipster, I'd blow my stack."

The bridge of her nose crinkled from the force of her smile as we made our way toward the bus stop. "Already did that once today. Seriously, can you teach me that trick with the steam?"

"GOD, SHUT YOUR HOLE!"

To Be Continued…

#kim pine's precious little knives #forkanna writes #scott pilgrim vs. the world #kim pine #knives chau #scott pilgrim fanfiction #forkanna the writer

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