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naomihatake · 7 months

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In search of freedom (Ch. 3)

3. A change of heart

Chapter 2 ; Chapter 3 ; Chapter 4

⠀⠀⠀⠀She's been searching for freedom her entire life and everytime she thought it was laying right in front of her eyes, she was mistaken. She was running around the East Blue, seeking herself and her dreams, meeting people she never forgot. No matter how much she traveled, she could only catch a glimpse of peace before realizing everything would crumble at her feet.

⠀⠀⠀⠀Maybe it was destiny that brought her on that ship with three strangers — foolishly, that's what she tried to believe when the moon shined beautifully and hope settled in her chest, squeezed by the same ribcage where feelings were blooming.

Pairing: female!reader x OPLA Zoro Roronoa.

Warnings for this chapter: anxiety, tarot readings, canon typical violence, tension, mutual pining

Word count: 8k (um? It wasn't supposed to be that long, but I'm not unsatisfied at all)

Theme song: “Hoist the colors” by Bobby bass (click on the link)

A/N: I tried my best to add Zoro's perspective in this part. I don't know if I did a good job or not, but I'm experimenting with writing specific characters and personalities. I think I understand him a tad bit more than I did last time — in case you haven't noticed, I love psychoanalyzing my favorite characters and Zoro is one of them. The last chapter felt quick paced because of the fight, but this one is slow paced; I wanted to stretch the tension that way.

The reader is referred to as "Witch" because I have no intentions of using "Y/N".

I'm open for comments and opinions <3

"He has quite the bounty on his head," the witch commented as she looked at Buggy's wanted poster.

Zoro's fingers gripped tighter at the hilt of his white sword after he huffed.

"I should've killed him."

"And how were you supposed to be paid for it when you're a wanted man yourself?" Luffy laughed at him.

Another huff left the swordsman's lips and he averted his eyes with a scowl.

"I guess that's also right."

He tore the poster from the wall and squeezed it in his fingers, the paper getting destroyed right in front of his eyes.

"Stupid clown," he muttered.

A light chuckle got his attention; the witch who stood with her arms crossed right next to him didn't seem lively at all. Ever since they stepped on land in the Syrup Village, color drained from her face and she was constantly fidgeting and playing with her fingers. It was weird; the swordsman didn't spend much time with the other three, but they weren't impossible to read.

She didn't seem the type to be so awfully quiet. She had smart comments sitting on the tip of her tongue and it wasn't necessarily hard to make her smile; if anything, Luffy's smile was so contagious and it influenced her greatly, Zoro observed. The straw hat wasn't the only one in that situation — each one of them was. The witch somehow knew what to say and how to treat them, how to approach a topic.

Maybe that's why she was called a witch. For the life of it, Zoro didn't like to read between the lines and his usual blunt personality drew people away because they misinterpreted it as rudeness. Did he care? Not really. So why did he suddenly think too much about it? Why was he thinking of ways to get a word out of her mouth?

The woman his eyes were fixated on didn't hear Nami when she appeared, coming back to earth only after Luffy nudged her side with his elbow.

"Let's go find a ship."

She only nodded and followed along, burying one hand in the pocket of her pants. He saw when she bought a pocket knife from a stand and hid it. Zoro guessed her fingers were always curled around the knife for safety reasons, even if her fear seemed irrelevant — nothing was suspicious in that village.

They were the only suspicious people around there. A navigator who is a thief, a green-haired tall man with three swords attached to his hip, a pirate who wore a straw hat and a beautiful witch.

Beautiful, indeed, even if that word alone didn't do the woman enough justice. Not only the way she looked was pretty, but the way she carried herself, how stable she was on her feet, the sparkle in her eyes, the taunting mischief of her gentle smile.

A smile that has been gone for half of a day, now replaced by anxiety. Even a blind man could see the unsettling feeling she was carrying.

Zoro didn't realize when he took the opportunity of looking at her hair bouncing with each step after he chose to walk behind them all. He shook his head and shoved his hands into the pockets of his pants, moving his gaze away. His mind shouldn't be wandering on useless things.

Nami stopped in her tracks once they reached the dock.

"We don't need something flashy, we have to sneak it out of here without anyone noticing."

"You mean we're gonna steal a ship?" Luffy furrowed his eyebrows.

"Yes?" the navigator frowned. "Wasn't that obvious already? How else are we gonna get a ship?"

"We can ask for one!" he beamed.

"So you think that just talking with someone would bring us a ship?"

The witch only sighed and shook her head at the other two's argument.

"Fine," Nami gave in after looking for too long at Luffy's puppy eyes. "But if it doesn't work, we do it my way."

"Deal."

Instantly, he walked away in search of a ship.

"So, what's the actual plan?" Zoro asked nonchalantly.

"You two look around and see how lax the security is around here. I'm gonna look for a ship and if we have enough luck, we will bribe Luffy into stealing one."

"I wish you luck," the swordsman smirked.

That's how they split up, Nami heading in a different direction while the witch walked straight up ahead with one hand still in her pocket. He approached her after a few long steps, merely looking at her from the corner of his eyes.

"If you keep walking around so stiff, people will guess we have something to hide."

"The only thing I have to hide is a pocket knife. On the other hand, you have three swords and no one looked at you suspiciously yet."

Finally, she said full phrases. However, there was no change in her expressionless face.

"What's up?" he fully turned his head towards her.

"Hm?"

Those beautiful eyes looked up at him curiously.

"Is someone suspicious?" he asked.

"No, just the air."

Once again, she turned her face away before he was able to read what she was hiding. It didn't seem like something big or dangerous, but she was definitely acting shady.

On top of it all, she wasn't exactly paying attention to her surroundings, since she didn't notice the two marines walking around the corner. Zoro wrapped an arm around her middle and placed a palm over her mouth, shoving the both of them between two buildings.

Her fingers grasped at his wrist and if she wouldn't have reminded herself to let go of the knife, she could've cut him.

"You could've just warned me," she whispered to him after she moved his hand away.

They both noticed their situation way too late. Her back was pressed against his chest and his arm was holding her securely next to him. His fingers burned her skin even through the large shirt she was wearing. The air got knocked out of her lungs and for a moment, she remembered the second reason for her unsteady feelings — him. The pirate hunter she didn't like thinking of because it was better that way.

When Zoro noticed the marines went away, he let go of her, even if too slowly. He let his suspicions get the best of him.

"What are you hiding?"

The witch — who just grabbed at his arm to move it away — was in that moment frozen on the spot.

"Nothing important."

From behind her, he couldn't see the way she frowned.

"You're like a walking ball of anxiety."

"I told you, it's just a shift in the air. Nothing important," she gritted her teeth, getting irritated.

Why was she distant? Did she think he wouldn't believe in her intuition? — that's what she'd probably call it.

She moved away after what felt like years, but her shoulders relaxed. It seemed like she figured out God-knows-what.

"I don't like the energy. It feels like I'm gonna die soon."

"Did you see a black cat?"

"No, I feel something crawling up my throat."

She resumed her walking and he kept up with her for the second time that day.

"Everything seems fine. I saw only those two marines and they were awfully relaxed," Zoro changed the topic.

"Then, just like Nami guessed, the security isn't exactly top class," the witch responded.

They walked around in silence, spotting Luffy on a ship with a goat figurehead. The swordsman could see the happiness bouncing around the straw hat who just called out at them.

"Guys! I found it!"

"Did you think for more than two seconds before choosing it?" the witch arched her eyebrow, amused.

"Actually, one glance was enough to know this was the perfect ship for us."

"Why am I not surprised you were right?" Nami sighed.

"He will sell it to us," Luffy pointed at a young man who walked behind him.

"Um, actually, this is not for sale," he tries to smile, rubbing at the back of his neck in embarrassment.

His golden-brown skin glistened in the early sun rays, which most probably meant he was working on something.

"And I'm not a salesman," he added. "But my friend owns this ship."

•┈┈┈•┈┈┈•┈┈┈

They found out his name was Usopp and the friend he was talking about was a girl who was celebrating her coming of age on that day. Kaya not only invited them to dinner, but insisted they could sleep over, considering they were “Usopp's friends”. The witch was still getting used to being called a friend or comrade, since she doesn't remember the last time that word was met with serious intentions.

The girl's mansion was… big. It was like a labyrinth and even if Zoro was bad at directions, she thought it started to rub off on her the moment she walked towards the dressing room after taking a bath. The lights weren't particularly bright and the sun was setting by that time. The curtains were tied together, leaving space for the warm golden lights to bathe the hallways.

Mystery clung to each artifact and painting. It was beautiful, yes, but there was a certain aura of that place that unsettled her.

Not to mention the staff — she never thought it would come a day when she'd say “these people are weird”. For the past two years she's been traveling alone around the Blue East and she met dozens of people, one more intriguing than the other. However, that butler was suspicious. She wanted to believe he was just a father figure for Kaya and he was protective of her, but she couldn't.

From the moment when she entered the dressing room — she's surprised she even found it —, she decided to answer some questions of her own.

She shuffled her tarot cards in her hands, meticulously arranging each card that fell, putting them in order. It was confusing her — it was the second time she does the same thing, with the same question in mind, and she received the same ambiguous answer. Why did the cards have to be particularly hard to guess on that day?

She ran her fingers through her hair and ruffled it, accidentally tugging harshly enough to make her frown deepen, but she held back a hiss. Maybe some pain would help her focus, instead of letting her mind waver. Luffy, who sat cross legged on the carpet, just like her, was analyzing her reactions because he had no clue what she was doing.

"What do you see?" he asked in a hushed voice.

"Why are you whispering?" Zoro asked.

The swordsman hasn't moved since he came into the dressing room and sat on a comfortable chair. He flexed his arms when he crossed them over his chest and threw one or two glances at the swords leaning against the armrest.

"I don't know," Luffy whispered again, snapping his head towards him.

She didn't pay attention to them at all. She had to admit that she felt better than an hour ago, before having the opportunity to take a bath, the reason why she was wearing a dressing gown only. It was so soft and the material felt perfect against her flushed skin, her collarbones exposed entirely.

She was completely unaware of the gaze locked on her. The woman had no clue a specific swordsman was thinking more than he usually does. There was an inner battle he couldn't fight by using his three swords style. He occupied himself by focusing on the material things; the carpet was soft.

Just as soft as her body when he glued her back to his chest to avoid those marines.

"What do you think?" Nami smiled proudly after she appeared from behind the room divider.

"You look like Nami," Luffy shrugged.

The witch chuckled at the response. She didn't smile once since she entered that mansion, but she couldn't help her reaction. Instead, she raised her head to the orange-haired woman whose shoulders fell at the answer she received.

After a few seconds of thinking, the witch decided to give her a real opinion:

"It compliments your body, but it isn't necessarily flattering — maybe you can find a few other options?"

Nami nodded, moving around to search for something else.

"I kind of feel bad for Kaya… she must feel lonely in such a big house," Luffy commented.

The witch decided to avoid the conversation, her eyes stuck once again on the few cards splayed over the carpet. She took in a deep breath and then sighed. It made sense, but it didn't feel like a complete answer. She decided to turn the rest of the deck upside down and take the card on the top.

"Dammit," she cussed out.

It confused her even more, so she just put the card back in the deck.

After a minute of spacing out, she managed to focus on the other three in the room.

"Rich people don't feel emotions the same way we do," Nami said flatly.

"She seems kind, though," the witch hesitated as the words left her lips.

"That's a big word," Nami probably rolled her eyes, considering her tone.

"Probably. She seems better than the butler, by the way."

"Have you guys seen him before?" Zoro asked, shifting in his seat.

Immediately, the witch moved her head towards him. He answered a question she didn't even ask and her fears felt validated for a brief second. So he also found that man suspicious.

"No, but I don't like him at all," the witch responded firmly.

"How come you can talk so easily about people you just met? No offense."

Nami was still looking around for a dress when she talked.

"It's not that I'm being judgmental — I can't assume what those people did or not. However, tell me, what about the staff makes you go 'oh, yes, they're good people'?"

"Good point," she pulled her lips together in a straight line. "They're weird."

The shuffling through clothes stopped, which meant Nami found something. Except, it wasn't for her, but for the swordsman who caught the caramel silky shirt that was thrown into his lap.

The witch let out another long exhale and closed her eyes. She hoped she could ground herself in a way or another, despite the unhelpful air surrounding the entire house. It was suffocating and it felt as if there was a heavy press on the crown of her chest, making it hard to breathe.

Seconds passed and the only thing she found in the depths of her thoughts was doubt and uncertainty. Nothing felt right, but she couldn't point out exactly what gave off that kind of aura. Slowing down her breathing didn't help either.

By the time she gave up and huffed, Nami and Luffy were out of the room. She saw the glimpse of a red silky dress pooling around someone's legs. Said person was Nami, surely.

A dress. Maybe it would be easier to hide a knife in her thigh holster.

"You're staring at these cards like you're gonna find out something, but I doubt you found anything," Zoro got her attention.

Once again, her fingers gripped at the strands of hair. Putting her confusion into words left a lump in her throat.

"I don't know what's going on and it's annoying. I don't have time for life lessons."

"Going on with what?"

"This entire mansion, maybe?" she looked at him.

His gaze made her skin tingle and she didn't know if she welcomed that foreign sensation or not. Everytime he talked, he managed to get her out of her thoughts, and she was both grateful and angry about it. For some reason, his stoic personality was safe in that maze.

"The butler is hiding something, that I know for sure," she whispered this time. "I never saw him, but something doesn't feel right at all. Protecting Kaya? It sounds like bullshit to me, Zoro."

She was stubborn about the opinion she has of that man and maybe it was wrong, but did she really care?

The swordsman didn't expect the sound of his name rolling off her tongue to stir something inside of him. It almost stung, her voice craving words in languages he's never spoken on his ribs. He paid attention, even if on a normal day he wouldn't listen to superstitions and the words of a probably insane witch.

Except it sounded like she was the most sane of them all.

"It probably won't make sense for you, but he's lying about something. He's not just a butler," she continued after glancing back at the cards. "He's fooling everyone and he's doing it well. This isn't what I'm actually concerned about — there's another lie I can't point out. The cards don't help. It feels like I'm being deceived, but for a good reason."

"By who?"

"I don't know. Or maybe I just want to avoid the answer."

She always hated her suspicious nature, the way her trust could be gained only by a few, and all of these people have been gone for years. She shouldn't be like that, it would be better if she'd have some faith in the people around her, if she'd allow herself to believe in them and their words. The ability to trust was a desire — something she wanted, but didn't have.

Zoro's body tensed and his frown deepened when he realized she was suspicious about one of them. At the same time, her attitude didn't match up because she seemed to despise her own suspicions.

Why was he so concerned about her? Yeah, right, he has no clue. Amazing. Perfect.

"I hate this," she muttered under her breath.

The witch put all of her cards in the deck and threw it on a chair after she stood up. Her eyes fell on the variety of clothes and she wondered what the fuck she was doing there in the first place.

Why was she there? She didn't promise to stay with Luffy. She had the opportunity to remain in Syrup Village for a while and then leave, just like every time. What was she doing in that mansion, looking at too many clothes hung in a huge room?

"Aren't you also gonna change?" she said without turning towards him.

"Do you even trust us?"

The question had the same effect as the tight embrace she was pulled into a few hours ago. Her breath hitched and she hesitated, fingers clutching at the material of her dressing gown.

The truth was other than what she thought of this entire time; yes. Yes, she did, and that was the most dangerous situation of them all.

"I wish I didn't," she whispered.

It was inexplicable, the faith she had in humanity after meeting Luffy. She would clutch at her heart and talk about how humans don't deserve her trust, she would talk for hours about how mischievous people are, that they adore taking advantage of others.

So it was normal to despise that feeling of longing, the desire to get attached to people, the need for a connection. It was normal to fear a bad ending and it was even worse that she thought such a thing couldn't happen anymore.

That was why the tarot cards confused her. They told a story different from the one her soul knew. What betrayal? What secret? Who was in pain they couldn't express? And why did she get the feeling that it wasn't exactly betrayal?

Her answer probably satisfied Zoro, since he got up from the chair and took a black suit he noticed minutes ago. He didn't say a word, but his shoulders were relaxed again.

•┈┈┈•┈┈┈•┈┈┈

The witch was the last one to arrive downstairs, in a room that seemed like a living. She found it uncomfortable to wear a dress in a house filled with strange people, since it held her speed back and it wouldn't be exactly easy to defend herself. She opted for a dress she could move in, only squeezing her waist and chest, fluttering around her knees. It was long enough to hide a knife in her thigh holster. Getting discovered wasn't on her to-do list, but she had to ensure her own safety.

While she changed, her mind wandered… would any of them help if something happened? Her guess was that yes, they'd jump into action.

Without noticing, after she walked down the stairs, she gravitated close to the swordsman. She was with her back at one of her comrades, never out in the open, sharp eyes scanning each corner of the room. The table in the middle was strong, she figured out after she tapped her nail over the surface. If there were guns involved, she could use it as a shield.

"You should try these!" Luffy spoke with his mouth full of cookies as he looked towards her and Zoro.

"I have everything I need right here," the green-haired man responded with a smirk.

There was a glass of cocktail in between his fingers and he took a long gulp, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down. Only now, the witch took her time to gaze at the expense of his shoulders, the suit fitting him perfectly. Considering how casual he dresses, it was surprising to see that kind of formal attire hugging his body so deliciously. The usual cockiness of his smirk was still present, just like the hand shoved into the pocket of his black suit pants.

Roronoa Zoro was more attractive than she liked to admit. His sharp jawline and the smallest bump at the base of his nose, the tall stature, those deep brown eyes sparkling in the light of a candelabra — damn, he looked like he'd been sculpted by the gods, despite the lack of belief he had in such almighty beings. The air was tight when she inhaled and she almost felt bad for ogling at him — almost, because the first time she met him, she was busy sweeping the floor with some Marines.

A feeling of control and steadiness oozed out of him, pulling her closer like a spell. For the briefest moment, her shoulders relaxed at the reminder that she's not alone there, that there are three other people she can put an ounce of trust in. That was the least she could do at that time.

With her arms crossed loosely over her stomach, the witch watched the interaction between Nami and a businessman — he looked and acted exactly like one, but lacked the mischief.

She missed the glance the swordsman threw at her, a look that lasted for too long to be friendly, but short enough to miss it. No, he thought to himself before taking another gulp of the liquor in his glass. He doesn't have time to indulge into such things.

The witch sighed at her own observations; she should unwind for a little while. She picked another glass of cocktail that was on the table and sipped, furrowing her eyebrows.

"It's sweet," she mumbled, surprised after licking her lips.

"Don't confuse sweetness for how strong it is," Zoro chuckled.

That simple sound made her heart skip a beat or two, bringing an uncomfortable sensation in the pitch of her stomach.

"Beginner's mistake, I suppose," she shrugged.

Too bad she wasn't exactly a beginner.

The talkative Usopp and Luffy stopped, which caught her attention; these two were the loudest people she's ever met in her entire life. Kaya was walking down the stairs, her slim arms curled around one of Klahadore's — the butler.

Only now, the witch took her time and looked at her. The pastel pink dress drained the life out of that girl, as if her pale skin didn't do that enough. Her cheeks were sunk and her smile seemed fragile like glass. She still remembers the cough that ripped through Kaya's lungs like an old knife.

Usopp looked at her as if he saw his dream before his eyes. He was love-struck.

The witch smiled at the realization. A puzzle so easy to solve.

The only thing Luffy loved as much as his dream and crewmates was food. Behind the door where the stairs ended, there was a big table filled with too many plates to count and a variety of dishes. His eyes sparkled as if there was gold.

A simple minded person, indeed, and maybe that was for the best.

She couldn't rest. She was on high alert, her heart beating faster each time her eyes glanced over at the butler. The fork in between her fingers stabbed the meat in her plate once in a while, but the knot in her stomach was difficult to undo. The only reason why she managed to remain steady was the swordsman who sat to her left and — by some powers bestowed by the gods — felt steady and safe. His presence pulled her back to reality, stealing her attention. The witch has never been more glad not to be alone.

"We wanted to talk with you about a ship," Luffy said with a big smile on his face.

"Right," Kaya smiled back, letting her fork down. "Usopp told me you are sailors."

"We aren't sailors, we are pirates."

Damn it, Luffy!

The witch gulped, squeezing her eyes shut at their captain's excitement. This was about to end very badly.

•┈┈┈•┈┈┈•┈┈┈

The dinner ended abruptly. Kaya had a coughing fit and she wasn't feeling well, meanwhile, the butler blamed it on Luffy, who got on the table and had an entire speech. They weren't welcome there anymore and were supposed to leave at the first hour in the morning.

The witch found each opportunity not to be alone, aware it wouldn't be in her advantage in case something happened. When she saw Nami head back to their guest room, the witch followed her. She needed to change out of that dress into something she could run and fight in, like her usual clothes.

After locking the door behind her, she looked at Nami who was already slipping her arms out of the sleeves of that beautiful red dress.

"I didn't get to tell you that you look stunning in that, by the way. Definitely the best choice," the witch mumbled as she averted her eyes to offer some privacy.

"Not really the moment to talk about dress up, is it?"

"I know, but some compliments wouldn't hurt anyone, right?"

Wrong, apparently, since Nami stilled in her tracks. The witch decided to sit in silence for a while, while she changed from the dress as well, pulling on a plain t-shirt and some comfortable jeans she tucked into her boots.

The woman was aware of Nami who was moving behind her, now holding a pillowcase in between her fingers. It was clear she tried to move fast and leave the room before she could be noticed.

"Wanna be petty towards that rude butler?"

"It's not like anyone would notice. She's filthy rich," Nami mumbled through gritted teeth, disappointed about being caught. "Do you have eyes at the back of your head, by any chance?"

"Nope," the witch accentuated the p sound. "Just associating the rustling with the source."

"Did you eat some kind of sensory devil fruit?"

"Got born with it," the woman joked lightly.

Only then, she turned towards Nami, who stood tall, head tilted towards her. The witch was convinced about the suspicion she had while doing that tarot reading, but this time there wasn't a turmoil in her chest. The thunderstorm stopped, despite the clouds still covering the sky of her mind.

"Be careful roaming around with a pillowcase in your hand. We'll get in trouble if anyone catches us, especially the staff. They're creepy as hell."

"The girl hissed at me," Nami scoffed.

"Gods," the witch placed her hand on her forehead and shook her head. "Do you have any guesses about where the others might be?"

"Zoro drank like two bottles of alcohol, so I'll suppose he's searching for more."

The witch smiled softly at the response, despite the fact that she missed the undertone of Nami's answer.

"Don't tell me you were curious about Luffy or, worse, Usopp."

"Hm?"

An intelligent retort. The witch gulped down and looked away, biting at the inside of her cheek.

"I mean, Luffy gets himself in trouble all the time, it's not hard to find him."

"Are you acting stupid with me?"

Nami was grinning like the devil itself. Dammit, did she really have to be so observant?

"I'm pretty aware I'm smart, actually, so I don't get where this comes from," the witch whispered.

There was a hue pink covering her cheeks and she was fidgeting with her fingers behind her back, doing all of these gestures unconsciously. She felt like an idiot at that moment, she had to admit.

Then, as if lightning struck her, she widened her eyes for a brief second. She didn't even know why she was there, in that mansion, surrounded by strangers she wanted to put her trust into.

"What are you thinking of?" Nami asked.

"None of us promised to become a crew," she shook her head. "It doesn't matter."

The navigator narrowed her eyes at the witch whose shoulders fell, the shyness she felt earlier deflating.

"It looks like it matters to you, though."

"That's exactly why I'm saying it," she smiled sourly. "Gotta make myself believe otherwise."

Silence stretched between the two of them. Two women who had stories and feelings to hide knew when to stop from asking questions, even if it would end up bloody later. It was clear both of them wanted to avoid sensitive subjects, even if the witch barely noticed when Nami started being the interrogator.

"Be careful, Nami," the witch smiled at her sincerely. "Usopp may be good at bluffing, but I'm better at playing the innocent. If you need someone to gaslight the shit out of the butler, just tell me."

I know what you do is wrong, but I believe you'll make a wise decision by the end of this all. I believe in your reasoning and I hope you can put your trust in me as well.

"Noted," and with that, the navigator left the room.

The witch almost got lost in that labyrinth again. She wanted to go to the kitchen, place where Luffy most probably was, but maybe she walked down a bit too many stairs and headed to the wrong side of the mansion.

She saw a tall figure in the dark basement where barrels full of wine were arranged with utmost care. She furrowed her eyebrows when she saw Klahadore standing in the way, making one step back. Face to face with him was Zoro, who was ready to draw his sword out of its scabbard, but he quickly got hit in the back of his head by someone.

The witch's eyes widened, but she received the same treatment by someone who managed to sneak behind her back.

•┈┈┈•┈┈┈•┈┈┈

Her head ached, sending daggers all the way to her forehead. The witch let out a guttural groan and her hand flew to her nape, caressing the sore spot.

When her eyes opened, she was greeted by the dead body of Merry, the business man she noticed at the dinner. She flinched, scrambling to her feet, which wasn't an intelligent idea. Her vision blurred black and she felt dizzy, suddenly unsteady. If not for Zoro's grip on her arms, she would've fallen ungraciously on her butt.

"What the heck?" she mumbled.

After a few seconds that felt a bit too long, she couldn't understand exactly why it was so cold in that place. Her chin tilted back so she could look up at the night sky.

They were at the bottom of a well.

"We have to get out," Zoro spoke in a gruff voice.

He sighed heavily and let go of the witch, while she looked at him with the face of are you fucking serious?

"How?" she spoke without thinking.

After a failed attempt to escape by using a long rope with a big hook attached to it, she tried using her short knives to stick the blades in between the rocks; it didn't work either.

There was only one option left and she was speechless.

Her heart sank when she watched Zoro grip at the rocks. He was strong, yes, definitely stronger than her on the physical side, but what if he couldn't climb up? What if he would fall?

Then I'd catch him. We either die here together or we get out together.

Her mind was set. She watched him carefully, gulping when she watched him struggle. His weight might do some damage if she dared to be reckless enough to catch him, but he was the only one who could climb those rocks. If she would've tried, she'd surely fall.

Just like she supposed, his fingers didn't grip well enough at one of the rocks and his feet slipped. He lost his equilibrium and wasn't fast enough to clutch onto another rock or stabilize his foot in time, and he fell back.

Maybe that witch was more reckless than anyone would've guessed. On top of it, she was selfless enough to believe that if he managed to get out and get help, it didn't matter what happened later, so she tried her best to mitigate the impact.

She was right — air got knocked out of her lungs when his body fell on top of hers and she groaned, but at least he didn't break some ribs. Her arms were wrapped around his waist and her fingers clutched at his shirt. Pain traveled through her body quickly and didn't disappear, but the adrenaline paid off.

"Are you alright?" she asked him in a hurry.

"You're insane," Zoro concluded, exasperated.

His back was glued to her chest and he tilted his head to the side to look at her. Maybe, for once, he was right about her.

"I'd rather break one of my ribs. You're the only one who can get us out," she argued with a frown between her eyebrows.

The witch looked away and blinked. She didn't want to focus on how hot the air felt, despite the bone chilling cold in that tight space. The butterflies in her stomach could be ignored if she gathered enough self control in time.

However, Zoro didn't move. He seemed troubled, completely out of it as he continued to look up at the night sky with a scowl on his face. His entire body was tense and he was deep down in his thoughts, especially since he didn't move a finger since he disagreed with her idea of "helping".

As if struck by lightning, he got back up, following the same steps from earlier.

"Be careful."

He stopped in his tracks right after his fingers gripped at some rocks.

"Move away if I fall again."

"I won't move and you won't fall."

It pushed him at the edge, mingling with the memories flowing through his mind about his long lost friend, about the girl whose strength he admired so greatly it made him move again. For a brief second, he thought of himself as a coward for overthinking the process. He either got out alive and managed to get her out as well, or they were both doomed — there was no in between.

Steadily, a tad bit slower than before, he climbed up the wall. His body ached at the effort when he was more than half way through and he would stop for a few seconds before making another move, clutching at another rock that would get him higher.

Despite being so low, several meters under the ground, her trust in him didn't waver. Her heart squeezed with worry, but she wanted to follow her instinct and how much she believed in him, even if it was unusual. Maybe it was because of his stubbornness, since if he was set on something, there was no way of stopping him.

He lost his equilibrium for a fraction of a second. Her breath hitched, eyes widening, his name stopping on the tip of her tongue.

His foot slipped and some dust fell to the bottom of the well, next to her. She breathed out in relief when he was quick enough to grip at another rock.

The witch didn't doubt him one bit when he finally got out of the well. He kept the rope he found in the well at his waist while he climbed up, so he could help her get out too.

From up there, Zoro held tightly onto the rope, just as tightly as she did, even if her fingers hurt and she didn't exactly trust her body to be strong enough. She gripped at the cord and climbed the stone wall, gritting her teeth whenever it seemed like she might fall.

Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Repeat.

It was a slow process, which was worrisome from her perspective. She advanced, but the longer she struggled, it felt endless.

For the record, she believed in Zoro more than she believed in herself — she didn't have low self-esteem either.

"Look up," he reminded her firmly.

He prompted his feet into the ground and held tightly, waiting for her.

"Trying," she mumbled to herself.

Slowly, she got closer and closer to the exit. Zoro bent his torso and curled his fingers around her forearm, managing to help her out.

"Fuck," she cursed.

Her breath was labored and she was sweating heavily, a droplet falling from her temple to her jaw and down her neck. She let herself on the grass, her arm still in his hand.

"I owe you my life," she breathlessly mumbled.

Unconsciously, her fingers were clutching onto his arm for support, even if her knees trembled from the tumult she went through.

"We have time for that later," he brushed it off. "We have to find the others."

"That butler isn't new to killing people who stand in his way. We better hurry before he chops us off."

"His name is Kuro. He was the captain of the Black Cat Pirates and supposedly died three years ago, when Axe-Hand Morgan killed him — the Marine Captain we encountered back in Shell Town."

The swordsman kept his grip firm on her, carefully bringing her back to her feet while he talked.

"I saw his face on a wanted poster some time ago, but since he was presumed dead, no one cared anymore."

"He looked very much alive to me," the witch retorted.

"I was with Usopp when I went to get wine and he managed to escape from the butler. Maybe he went to search for help, even if I doubt any untrained person could harm these pirates. Luffy was in the kitchen, eating some weird blue food."

Zoro let go of her and walked in the opposite direction of the mansion and she looked at him confused.

"Oi, Zoro, the house is the other way—"

Then, when she looked at the path that went through the forest surrounding the mansion, she felt a pull towards it. She furrowed her eyebrows and continued staring.

"You go that way. Nami is surely still inside."

"You just said I went in the opposite direction, though?" Zoro arched his eyebrow at her.

"Usopp searched for help, but if we think about it, Kaya said he has a lot of stories to tell. He's bluffing a lot, even if with no bad intentions. Maybe he found someone — if there's no sign of life on the path, come back."

"And you?"

"I'll find Nami and Kaya somehow."

Zoro didn't believe in superstitions and higher beings, but he trusted her instinct, so he headed the other way. The witch opened the door slowly, making no sounds. She slipped inside and looked around for an insane pirate who hisses — these two were creepy.

The young woman flinched when all the light suddenly disappeared and behind her, a heavy metal wall met the floor, stopping everyone from moving in or out of there. Fuck.

She gripped with both of her hands at the daggers she held at her hip, holding them securely. With slow steps, the witch made her way through the house. The big candelabrum hanging from the ceiling marked the way to enter and leave the house. To the left was the kitchen and to her right was the living room. The guest rooms and dormitories were upstairs. She still remembers which one was her room for the might and the bathroom.

If she didn't want to die there, she had to quickly figure that place out.

She heard one single step from the stairs and her attention shot up. Sham looked at her perplexed, but grinned widely.

"You were supposed to be dead, little mouse."

"Don't confound me with your food," the witch held the knives tighter.

Instantly, the woman jumped at her with a mop in her hands. The witch dodged the attack with a knife and the one that followed, bending her knees to avoid getting hit again. She tried to cut Sham's leg with her knife, but the maid was fast, jumping back in time.

Zoro, if you get lost on the way back, I'll wake up from the dead and kill you, she thought to herself.

"Captain Kuro will kill Kaya tonight and there's nothing you can do to stop him."

Sham's wooden mop clashed against the witch's dagger and avoided the knife which almost sunk into her shoulder. Sham attempted to make her fall by kicking her legs, but the witch made a light jump before she could fall.

It would draw attention to her and the cook might appear out of nowhere, but the witch sheathed one of the knives and pulled a pistol, aiming at the hissing woman.

"I'm too fast for your shitty guns, girl."

Yeah, sure. It was her time to grin at Sham.

Her eyes followed each of the maid's movements, moving her arm just in time to shoot her side. Sham was lucky enough to move out of the way, but the next bullet scarred her upper arm, another hiss leaving her lips.

"Fuck."

Aw, the kitty was angry.

The witch widened her eyes when she saw Sham pull a sword that seemed more suited for decor. She had to dodge the next attack, the blade almost touching her neck when she stopped it with her knife.

"Hey, Sham, do you need some help?"

The witch gulped at the new voice. It was the cook.

"I don't really think so."

The witch jumped back before her neck got cut, breathing heavily. She had to block other attacks while she attempted to find a weak spot, an opening to shoot and do it well.

The witch groaned when the blade left a deep and clean slice on her left upper arm. It stretched horizontally on the side. The shock almost paralyzed her and blood was quick to flow down her arm.

She tossed a knife through the air, the tip sinking straight into Sham's right arm.

A weight sound caught her attention and she turned her head towards the metal wall behind her that was slowly being lifted up by strong arms. Who the fuck could—

Oh, right. They had a bulky swordsman as part of the crew.

"Took you long enough," the witch muttered through gritted teeth.

Luffy bent down and smiled at her widely.

"Sorry for that."

"Keep apologies for later. Go after Kuro — he wants to kill Kaya."

Zoro followed the straw hat, straightening his back when he got inside. His eyes narrowed when he saw the crimson liquid covering the witch's arm, drawing his swords out. He could use the adrenaline pumping through his veins against the man who launched an attack at him.

"Go, Luffy. We'll keep these two occupied," he instructed.

The scent of blood filled the witch's nostrils. She aimed the gun at Butchy and the bullet flew right next to his ear, stopping him from hitting the swordsman. Sham was bold for taking the knife out of her arm and running towards the witch with the weapon in her hold. The witch stumbled and her back glued the floor, both her hands gripping harshly at Sham's arm, stopping the tip of the knife a few centimeters above her eyes.

"You little bitch," the pirate hissed at her.

The witch kicked the maid into the stomach with her knee, pushing her off of her. Luffy disappeared and the sound of blades clashing against each other filled the room.

Zoro used raw strength whenever he attacked Butchy, his swords almost cutting through the man with swift gestures of the wrist, elbows angled perfectly. He had more fighting experience than her and it showed, so she was more than just happy not to get sliced in half by the other two.

She cussed when she remembered she had only one revolver, the other one left in the room. She had three bullets left.

Her head got cloudy when she quickly got back to her feet, her breathing labored. She was tired and the only reason why she ignored her bleeding wound was the adrenaline.

This time, when Sham attacked with the mop, the witch only moved to the side and took advantage of the opportunity to cut with the knife through the flesh, the tip sinking deeper and deeper into the maid's stomach, until her body went limp.

The witch let Sham fall to the floor and stepped back. She felt her pulse pump through her head, slowing her down. She tried to focus on breathing evenly and eventually not passing out.

She heard a loud thump — the cook was down and Zoro sheathed his swords. He didn't break a sweat, or so it looked from her blurry perspective.

A sound rang through the air sharper than her daggers and it lit her on fire. The sound of her name being spoken with worry latched onto Zoro's voice.

He walked down two or three stairs at once, undoing the bandana from his head and wrapping it around her wound. She hissed when he knotted the material tightly in order to stop the bleeding.

"Thanks," she whispered, her body still tense.

•┈┈┈•┈┈┈•┈┈┈

"Don't mention it," Luffy smiled widely at Kaya. "We couldn't have let him hurt you or deceive people anymore."

If it wasn't for his rubber body, maybe they wouldn't have gotten out alive, but luck sided with them again.

"I could never thank you enough, but this is all I can do for you now."

The witch stared at the goat figurehead of the ship Luffy was enamored with. Kaya talked, but the words weren't registering in the woman's ears since a small little creature curled around one of her legs. The black cat mewled sweetly and begged for attention, a luxury it received quickly. The witch crouched down and petted the animal with a smile on her lips, brushing her fingers over the soft fur. The cat purred loudly, rolling on its back and pawing at the woman, greedy for affection.

"How's your wound?"

When she lifted her head, her eyes met Zoro's. One of his hands rested on the hilt of his Wado Ichimoji and the other was stuffed into the pocket of his jeans — she learned that was one of his most relaxed stances.

His bandana was still wrapped around her upper arm and the bleeding stopped long ago. She didn't get the chance to properly clean her arm or tend to the cut, but she felt content.

"I'll care for it on the ship after we set sail," she said in a soft voice.

Yes, that was the voice that made his heart hammer in his chest, he remembered. Finally, after a day filled with anxiety and panic, he could watch her shoulders relax, even if he wasn't exactly pleased with her lack of attention.

"Let's go!" Luffy shouted at them.

The witch stood up, wincing at the smallest movement of her arm, and that didn't go unnoticed by the swordsman.

She still avoided his question, he concluded. She said she'll care for the wound, not how it felt.

He tapped the hilt of his sword repeatedly and took a decision he didn't know if he'll regret later, following close behind her.

Tag list: @emelia07 @dimplewonie @tfamidoingwithmylife @murnsondock @the-skys-musical-echo @conspiracy-crows @hallow33nz @ramae17 @gaslysainz @bunntsu @katt58 @katiemrty @hopefulrascalstatesmantoad @freyademartel @boofy1998

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wayfayrr · 8 months

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This fic was originally inspired by the song Kerosene by tart, as it fits got the strong vibe of a yandere needing more in my opinion and I would recommend listening to it while reading <3 but eventually it spiralled into a full on self-aware sky x reader

And with that tone, they ask me 'If I'm ready…'

Impatiently asking me to throw away my entire life for them, to cast aside everything I've ever known for the chance, the meagre chance, to stay in Hyrule. To join their duet of death, a fight that seems never-ending.

With only Sky offering me an alternate way, offering instead something more valuable than his own life to me. The offer to follow me, of his own regard instead of a twisted love demanding it of me.

Yet, still sitting here with Sky has its own charm to it. I don't feel pressured to talk or do anything unlike how it can get with the others at times.

"You know my dove, with a touch of your life I was filled with envy… The fact that I haven't been able to live with you, know you longer than I have. I scare myself sometimes."

His chuckle wasn't as reassuring as he would thought it should be if he were trying to be reassuring to me. He could just be nervous after what he simply just admitted to. I know I would be.

"How would you scare yourself with that Sky..?"

"..."

"... I don't - It's just - I… Sometimes I uh- have thoughts. This really isn't easy to say."

Why is he looking at me like I should already know what he’s talking about like he’s going on about an inside joke?

“It was a catastrophe, as a result of your sanguine vanity. Your confidence that everything was just a game, when you really knew better didn’t you?”

“...Knew better? What do you mean?”

“That I could see you… that from the moment outside the academy when I was told what buttons you would need to press to control me I started to connect everything, that I was alright with you being the one who had this ability to puppet me? You knew, didn’t you? You fell in love with me at the same time didn’t you?”

“Sky I - I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Is he - No he can’t be. He couldn’t have known he was in a game. He can’t have been in love with me since then… even if he did know… He should hate me. At best, this is some broken-down mechanical love, some remnant of stray code… Oh what am I doing lying to myself, nintendo made Link as a blank slate, there would never have been any failsafe like that. Because it shouldn’t be possible for him to become self-aware.

“When I first woke up that day it was like there was this other part of me, you it was you, but it didn’t take me long to realise that you weren’t a part of me. You were you and you could control my every single action.”

“My world at that point was a plaything for you but I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I didn’t need to eat nor sleep when you were there for me, it was like I was complete. I was blinded by looking for Zelda for so long that I wasted the time I could’ve spent just basking in you.”

“I love you more than I need to breathe because you complete me… but you don’t feel the same.”

“Because I’m just a toy to you aren’t I? Be-because you left me. You just left, you left me behind and didn’t come back.”

Everything, he knows everything. Where do I start, how do I handle this? I can’t leave him spiralling like this, it’s not fair to him. Would he even believe what I’ll tell him? Do I want to tell him?

“Sky I’m not going to lie to you. I did see you as just a game, I didn’t know that you were a person that you were alive. But I know better now. You’re not just a toy.”

“But I was just that to you… you - you were just like a god that was sent from above to help me in my darkest moments. I didn’t- I mean I know, I shouldn’t have been able to have known any of that but I just - I don’t - I- I don-”

Tapering off into the most heartwrenching sobs after all of that isn’t something I could ever have imagined coming from the hero of the skies. I can’t comfort him. I’m not a monster.But I’m not a god either. Even if that’s what he saw me as, even though that’s what he wants me to be.

“Sky I’m not a god. I never was, but I do care about you, I’ve said it before and seeing as you need to hear it now more than ever. I love you Sky. The you, I’ve gotten to know over this whole thing with the shadow.”

“But I - [Name] I just -”

“I know this is a lot to go through. It must’ve been absolute torture going through all of that. Can you breathe for me? I’m here to listen to you but I can’t if you’re too stressed to speak properly.”

“I - Thank you.”

The tears staining his face are starting to dry now, leaving streaks as proof of his own sadness, ones that have too much emotion behind to have been faked. All of this has to be true, there’s too much detail on things I’ve never mentioned to him for him to be lying to me based on one thing he’s heard about my own world. Which means he’s been aware of me for so much longer than he’s let on. That he might have known me for far longer than he’s let on. There’s no safe way to ask this now though so I’ll just have to hope he brings it up on his own.

“I first figured out that I was this character after the dream I had about demise, after I woke up, when Horwell was talking to me about the lost remlit and how he told me to press z to target him, not even calling me by my name he called me Sky. But what made it even worse is I could remember fighting demise, making up with Groose and getting the triforce yet I was back to the start and being called something different.”

“That’s when you knew? Did you realise it was me immediately or did that take longer? You don’t have to answer of course, just talk about what you’re comfortable with Link.”

His breathing is slowly evening out now, clearly his earlier panic is starting to subside. Although now I don’t have my past option of being able to move away from him anymore, not with how he’s leaned all his weight against my side in, if he wasn’t so deeply upset about all of this, what I could call a desperate attempt to keep me by him. With all of this only seemingly proved more by how he’s tangling his fingers in mine to hold my hand tightly against his chest.

“I first knew it was you when Zelda pushed me off that landing again. Your disgust at her doing that, at her not trusting me even though you already knew it was going to happen at that point. It wasn’t until I was first in the temple with Fi that I saw you properly though. I couldn’t even spare more than a second to bask in your beauty because, well I was scared that if I acted too differently from what you expected then you would just abandon me, but I wanted too more badly than anything. What I wouldn’t have given at that time to just have been able to spare more than a simple glance at you. Who I wouldn’t have killed to get the faintest chance to simply hold you.”

“...What was that last thing you said?”

“What do you mean my dove? The fact I would’ve given anything to spare a glance at you?”

“No that other thing you said.”

“That I couldn’t act differently out of fear that you would abandon me to a lifeless world where everyone was acting like soulless husks only repeating the same line over and over and over.”

“No that very- you know what, don't worry about it.”

The last remains of his tears finally fade away now as he nuzzles himself further into my shoulder and brings up our intertwined hands to kiss my own. Drawing out the moment as long as he can, fitting as he’s spent so long pining for this very touch. What’s going unsaid here is more than enough to be unsettling now, with how overbearing his feelings are getting and how desperate and cheery he’s sounding now. It’s a terrifying combination.

“I realised pretty quickly that it was your second playthrough. That I’d missed out on basking in you because I was too focused on saving Zelda, but now I’m done with saving. I don’t want to go back to my own world, I don’t want to go back to her with how she’s always asking for more. I wish I could’ve just crawled through the screen and into your arms instead; burn away my past but I never could. I was stuck in that damned game, watching as you were so happy with me even though I wasn’t a person to you - just a toy. I could hear all the things you were saying from you complaining about your day, to how you kept calling me your precious baby girl.”

“Oh so… you heard everything… everything I was saying?”

“Everything. From the sweeter things like when you would apologize for me getting hurt even though I would never have held it against you, to how you thought I looked good in 'that green', how you'd let me do that to you as I finished off a skulltula, even how you thought ghirahim was fatherless. By far the best things to hear were you just talking about your own life, hearing you going on about your day made me feel more real than anything else did. I could imagine myself there with you, as a real part of your life.”

The chill down my spine at that admission didn’t go unnoticed by him as he coiled tighter into my side as if he was attempting for my touch to consume him fully. Like he’s gotten a taste of this touch and he’s wanting some more, like a hit of kerosene or something sweeter.

"I don't want to go back to how it was before [name], I can't go back to Skyloft. I don't ever want to be pulled apart from you again, because when you finished the game? it felt like nothing was worth anything any more. I'm convinced I would have been better off dead than how I was without you."

He seemed not to be fond of my stunned silence, even still he respected it, letting me have precious moments to gather my thoughts. To say what? Where would I begin with handling this? I can’t question him, he’s so fragile right now and I’m too scared to break him. Maybe just…

“I’m sorry, Sky I’m so sorry. I’m sorry that I didn’t know earlier… that I couldn't help you through all of that, that I didn't treat you like an actual person. Is there any way I could possibly make it up to you?"

If that wasn't the best worst thing to say then, I don't know what I could have said instead. Luckily he seemed to like it if how he’s burning himself further into my side is anything to go off of, proven more by the contented hum he’s let out.

“Please, just don’t leave me again - I- I won’t hold it against you if it's not your own choice, like how the shadow brought you here to me, but I never want to have to be apart from you again. I want to go back to your own world with you, a brand new life with you is all I need.”

“I promise link, I won’t leave you of my own choice from now.”

“If anything happens so that you get torn away from me - can you start a new save on your switch?”

“What..?”

What good could that be - what if it only made things worse? What if that got rid of his memories? No. [name] you have to trust him on this. He knows so much more about it, he’s the one who’s lived this. If that’s what he thinks the right option is. Then it’s the best option.

“If you make a new save then this time - this time I won’t have to be worried about you overreacting and deleting me - I don’t know if I’ll be able to talk to you - There has to be some way I can get out of that game and into your arms again my dove. I just know it.”

#I wrote the first 400 words on a drive <3 because I had the song on loop #10/10 song would recommend 1000 times over #lu sky #linked universe x reader #yandere linked universe x reader #yandere linked universe #link x reader #moss✦writes #self aware au #self aware lu

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jesncin · 2 months

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Do you have any favorite books or comics that you'd recommend?

Superhero comics or in general? I'll go in general, haha:

Our Dreams At Dusk by Yuhki Kamatani

This is the book series I'm most obnoxiously recommending people. It's influenced me ever since, Lunar Boy is a direct homage to this short series in many ways. It talks about the lived realities of being queer and Japanese in Japan- the queerphobia, the mental health struggles, the relationships (romantic and platonic) in an in depth way. It opened my eyes to what the queer narrative can be, and I'm forever grateful for it. This story is so good it actively ruins all other queer media for me, haha.

Superman Smashes the Klan by Gene Yang and Gurihiru

This is the book I most successfully recommend to people. What can I say that I haven't said many times before? A reimagining of the classic Klan of the Fiery Cross arc from the classic Superman radio show, empathetically revitalized. A story that actually acknowledges and understands Superman as a direct immigrant allegory?? Where he relates to a Chinese American family being targeted by the Klan?? I love it, and many people have picked up how I'm influenced by it! You don't need to know anything about Superman or his lore, this is a very accessible story for newbies. If you want to know why I love Superman, this is it. This story is so good it actively ruins all other Superman media for me, haha.

Salt Magic by Hope Larson and Rebecca Mock

One of my recent all time favorite graphic novels!! This story is everything I love about fairytales perfectly told in the graphic novel format. When a mysterious woman curses a family farm by turning their water supply into entirely undrinkable salt water- Vonceil must embark on an adventure to uplift the curse that hangs over her family history. Also Rebecca Mock's art is INCREDIBLE.

Homunculus by Joe Sparrow

Shortbox, the publisher for this comic, is retiring soon so order this book now! Or any books from them that you fancy (discount code here)! From the indie scene, Homunculus is a beloved short comic about a machine with growing sentience witnessing the end of the world, and what comes after. The style is lovely and the story is deceptively simple! It's heartbreaking by the end.

Berrybrook Middle School Series (Awkward, Brave, Crush, Enemies) by Svetlana Chmakova

This series is the reason I wanted to make middle grade graphic novels, and is in my humble opinion- the best in the business. Each story is self contained, with a cast of recurring characters that all go to Berrybrook middle school. It covers a wide variety of young experiences in an empathetic way that doesn't feel like you're being talked down to. It's a book series that nurtures the children it's for. I cried reading Brave, and Crush is such an important book that I'm ecstatic that kids get to read.

The Weight Of Our Sky by Hanna Alkaf

If you liked my Who Is Superman: A Private Interview with Lois Lane comic and want to learn more about the historical context behind it- I recommend The Weight Of Our Sky by Hanna Alkaf. It doesn't cover the same history (this book is about the 1969 race riots in Malaysia), but it's such an eerily similar incident that I felt myself reflected in it. Hanna is an incredibly vivid writer, and she handles so many topics with sensitive care. She highlights that historical events like this need to be remembered, and how fictional stories can breathe new life into an increasingly forgotten history. Also Hanna is so nice.

A Monster Calls by Patrick Ness (original idea by Siobhan Dowd)

One of my all time favorite novels, with hauntingly beautiful mixed media illustrations by Jim Kay. I love how this book covers grief in such a messy and fantastical way- showing how its young protagonist has larger than life feelings he's trying to contain from the looming eventual death of his mom's illness. This book is special because it was conceived originally by Siobhan Dowd as she was going through terminal cancer, in collaboration with her editor and Ness. It feels like an intimate experience, and this heavy feeling of grief carries the whole book in a memorable way.

Those are my fav books off the top of my head! Happy reading :>

#askjesncin #booklr #longish post #i miss having time to read novels i should do that again before work piles up #[proceeds to read cape comics instead]

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beedreamscape · 3 months

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VERY LONG POST EXPLORING C3 AND WHY SO MANY PEOPLE MIGHT NOT LIKE IT/MY PERSONAL GRIPES WITH IT.

I ended up exploring a bit of that Reddit community of critical role fans (not the main one) where they basically gather together and commiserate how much they hate C3. It's frustrating to read because at some point you can tell they make no effort to engage positively with the campaign and have a penchant for hating anything about it.

But, from the perspective of someone with very little emotional connection to the past campaigns, I kinda get why C3 feels so different and, in my opinion, it's all about personal stakes for the characters.

As writers, we constantly hear that we must give the characters something personal to care about so that the reader may care about the plot - yeah city-destroying laser beam is a big stake, but if main character's loved one will be used as a sacrifice to the aliens to activate the laser beam unless they do something, the tension doubles.

And with a shallow look over the arcs of the past campaigns, especially the fans' favourites, a pattern I find is of those with heavy personal stakes:

People often point the Briarwoods arc as a favourite. It's not just about bringing down the powerful Briarwoods, it's about avenging Percy's family and bringing his beloved Whitestone back to its past glory, all mixed with the fighting of personal demons.

We also got Vax'ildans overarching arc with the Raven Queen and Scanlan's with Kaylie and his self-worth/discovery in the party.

In campaign three, the struggle of Fjord getting over Uk'otoa's influence and turning to the Wildmother, rediscovering himself. Bright Queen's Favor with freeing Yuza, uncovering Nott's past, grappling with their preconceptions of the empire and the dynasty, and meeting Essek. Losing then Recovering Yasha from Obann. Traveler Con.

This post about the first third of the C2 comparing it to C1 explains quite well how M9 is driven by the party's personal stakes over any obligation to any institution.

Not only personal stakes that build the value of the campaign, but places that grow as their own: Whitestone, Emon, Zephrah, Xhorhas, the Menagerie Coast, Zedash, etc.

That's what's missing from Campaign 3: anchors and personal stakes.

Bells Hells doesn't really care about anything! We're entrenched in the Ruidus plot ever since we learned what ruidusborn means in the beginning of the campaign and yet, what does that mean to them? It was the subject of Imogen's dreams and afflictions but what else? The main victims of it will be the gods, but they repeatedly state how much they don't care for the gods and are in doubt if losing them would be bad anyway.

In a certain perspective, I don't blame them - the plot has grown so massive and subjective, while they haven't - they're still level 10 nobodies against a god-eating moon-shaped monster and the insanely powerful guy that wants to free it.

Bells Hells doesn't care for the places they walk through! Only two members of the party are actually from Marquet! Imogen and Dorian. And both are running from their past! so they don't even want to be there! Ashton hates everything about it and all the others have no reason to cling to it.

Jrusar was such a great city with great dynamics that were only half explored and they don't seem to care to return to it even though so much goes unexplored. Yios meant nothing nor did Heartmoor or the Taloned Highlands (and its apparently juicy political intrigues nobody cared to explore) and barely a mention of Ank'harel or the Silken Squall.

WHY do we keep going back to Taldorei???

Marquet as a whole goes mostly unexplored and underused in the campaign and it's so upseting.

Bells Hells have nothing to lose! They hold no personal stakes to the plot, most of them don't have families and those that do feel like something so distant and impersonal, no place or city they love or feel connected to, the only thing they owned (the very valuable skyship rip) they destroyed with barely any consideration. Their morals feel like the only thing at stake and even that feels already lost.

C3 is pulling too much from past campaigns. From the moment they first contacted the VM people, it felt like a mistake, and every appearance since has felt so much like fan service (especially bc specific fan favourites are the recurring appearances, no variety). The time spent in Whitestone, the connections to Delilah, everything with Keyleth, etc.

This last one, in particular, contributes to that group of NPCs feeling, always revolving around some other character struggle - who cares what is going on with Bells Hells when Vax's trapped in an orb and Keyleth is half dying, and Caleb is in an anti-magic collar, and Trent is probably loose, and this character and that character...

We haven't spent proper time with C3-exclusive NPCs excluding Nana Morri since episode 50! No Lord Eshteross or Xandis or Ira or Jiana Hexum or the Green Seekers or Milo. It was so special to me having Dancer and Imahara Joe around even if briefly.

And Lord Eshteross death left such a huge gap in the dynamics of the party with the world. I think it was premature, especially because the thirst to avenge him (which I suppose was meant to fuel their hate and intention to kill Otohan) lasted so little and from there on out began the heavy and meta-gamey (and personally, OOC) relying on VM characters.

The ticking clock on the apogee solstice strained much of the campaign and brought this looming fear of 'if we don't take care of it nobody will so we can't waste time', therefore the alternative paths and personal arcs fell to the sidelines in favor of the elephant in the room, so it felt like several episodes of dragging towards this event, then the peak of ep 50-51, to re-start the drag of post moon beam.

Guest PCs are a whole other can of worms I'm not ready to explore also bc it entails a lot, but it's a shared sentiment that people miss Dorian and what he brought to the table.

On a personal view, the Hellcath Valley was my favorite arc. Bassuras felt so tactile and real and gritty, we had a clear objective of infiltrating the Paragon's Call and retrieving Armand Treshi, Deathwish Run, the mystery of Dusk unveiling into Yu, Fearne's parents encounter, Ira, Imahara Joe and reveals about Dancer and D., first FCG nervous attack, Otohan battle and Laudna's death. SO MUCH.

Special mentions to everything Jrusar and Shade Creepers, Heartmoor and the Museum, Savalirwood, and the time spent on the Silver Sun.

I miss these small-scale objectives, I miss the C3 NPCs, I miss Marquet, I miss turning our eyes to these character tensions and exploration, I miss the one-on-one talks, the unity they shared in those dire moments.

I can't wait to leave the Predathos plot and all the repetitive discussions within it behind.

This doesn't cover everything (interpersonal relationships are a whole other spectrum of discussion) but a few things I feel puts an obstacle towards people liking this campaign when comparing the past ones.

#it feels like i've been writing for hours and I might've been #why am i writing this? well good you asked....... *crikets*#i needed to put this out of my head #i needed to put into words why i can't argue the hateful claims while loving campaign 3 and bells hells #bells hells #cr meta #critical role #cr spoilers #rambles #c3

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gougarfem · 4 months

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i don't know how to make this post, or if anyone really still follows me (tumblr has a new algorithm so i'm pretty sure you have to be active for posts to show up, i'm mad about it). i haven't been active on here in a long time, because. i wish there was a prettier way to say this but i had to make the decision to retransition. i've had severe dysphoria ever since i can remember, and was diagnosed with GID as a child; it's persisted and only gotten worse over time. i've been in therapy ever since my diagnosis with a variety of providers, most of them not particularly trans-inclusive, who did not try to push transition on me and instead helped me unpack my trauma and my feelings around my body (i've spoken about my experiences with GIDS in previous posts, that's a whole different story). detransition and therapy did not do for me what it's done for other dysphoric women, and i reached a point where i had to consider whether it was worth living miserably for the sake of being true to my biological sex or whether i should take the easy road and try to pass as male to wider society. i took the easy road, and i'm not proud of it, but life is short and my choices feel so limited despite everything i've done to work through this.

i still hold true to my radfem beliefs, even though i'm going through a process that seems to contradict them. i feel like i've betrayed this community, and i so badly wanted to be living proof for younger dysphoric girls that it does get better, that you don't need to pretend you're a man, but for some unknown reason the only way i feel okay is by doing that very thing. if you followed me for my detransition content, i'm so sorry, and i'm more than happy to answer questions about my decision, dysphoria/transsexualism in general, and what it means to try to survive in a society that shows few signs of change for women. i really hope people here are open to discussion, because this is the most lovely, supportive and critical environment i've found online, and i truly enjoy hearing your views and opinions.

take care and have a wonderful day <3 thank you for reading

#lav.txt #detransition #transition #terfs do touch #radfems do touch #radfems do interact #radblr #dysphoria

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ninepentz · 20 days

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Some narcissists-

Are too easily offended by people either challenging their opinions, giving them back the same energy, any type of criticism whether it's good or bad.

For example I know a narcissist in my life who basically tries to be so intimidating all the time, argue, control everything and I noticed that whenever she's having a bad day she would take it out on me. I used to let it affect me deeply and take everything personal to where I started becoming just as bad as them. Arguing back and forth, physical/loud fights, calling each other names, being petty etc. Till I realized that is what's feeding their ego even more to see me basically taking their bait and engaging with them for some odd reason. Some narcissists get a kick out of you paying attention to them and proving them right. Bc what they do is twist your words and use your reactions to make themselves look better.

Overtime I learned that aggressively defending myself, constantly explaining my boundaries, even trying to talk things out, didn't help AT ALL. But what did work was not speaking with them, ignoring their negativity, being cordial/keeping my distance, which has done so much for my mental health. Now I let them do whatever the hell they do, it's none of my business anymore. The quieter I became, the more peaceful things got.

The thing about some narcissists is that if you offend them or mirror their behaviors back to them they get even more aggressive and defensive which brings out all their worst behaviors even more. And one thing you can never do is change the narcissist, they don't respect others unless they admire you, need something from you, and things like that. Nothing you do will make them change.

What helped me tho is just stop to responding and acknowledging them, simply agreeing to keep the peace and protecting my own energy. Idc what they say or do anymore bc I know it's just their own internal BS that they project onto everyone else.

Ever since then I haven't had not one issue regarding them that I used to deal with before, all I deal with now is my own personal issues and whatever goes on in my personal life. I'd rather have that than arguing in circles with a narcissist lol so I hope this helps anyone who's dealing with anything similar.

Stop engaging, be cordial, and don't take things personally. That's how you stay in your own lane and avoid getting poisoned by someone else's demons.

Thank you for reading 😊

✨️Nine of Pentacles✨️

#narcissists #narcissistic mother #narcissism #narcissistic personality disorder #narcissistic abuse #narcissistic parents #narcissistic relationship

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rinamars · 9 months

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I always wondered what fics do my favorite authors read bc maybe if I start reading them too, I'll be able to write like them 😤 Kidding aside, can you recommend some Erwin x Reader fics that you really like/inspire you to write? I'm fine with on-going ones 🤩

little anon i could KISS you!! i've been looking for an excuse to make an erwin fic recs post so here we go *cracks knuckles* brace yourselves heheh (warning: most of these recs are 18+)

first of all: everything @riewritten has ever written. EVERYTHING. that goes without saying. her brain is so big. i wish i could take a trip inside her mind. rie ily

this is a story of the sea by shinzouing is a canonverse eruri x reader fic, where the three enter a relationship (or rather, erwin enters a relationship with both of them. levi and reader are idiots at first. the pining is so delicious though). where do i even begin to talk about this masterpiece? it broke me. it seriously broke me. i'm just going to say that the universe she has created in this story (as well as in the sequel which i'm going to talk about in a sec) feels so real and so right that when i finished it i needed a minute to remind myself what details that are ACTUALLY canon and what aren't. peak writing i swear. heartbreaking, but worth it.

after tiasots has broken your heart, go read beyond the sea by the same author and let it piece it back together!! it's currently being posted, and it's basically the continuation of tiasots BUT erwin survives at shiganshina (unlike in tiasots). again, same thing: peak writing, and a little universe it's sooo easy to get lost in. this story will end up living rent free in your mind, trust me.

aaand also set in the tiasots universe is certain obscure things!! it's three chapters, and in each of them they take turns between being dominant or submissive. this is smut that goes a lot harder than what you can find in tiasots but everything shinzouing writes is pure gold

to complete the eruri x reader category (aka the fics that made me go "i think i might be into the concept of throuples") there's two lovers by feelingthorny. it's also set in canonverse. erwin and levi are in an established relationship, one day they invite reader into their bed, and... Big Feelings ensue. i have another fic by feelingthorny by recommend, and oh man, she truly has a way of writing emotions that is so evocative and poetic, it truly drags you into the moment and you are able to feel exactly what they are feeling, they're so immersive. the smut parts literally drip with body worship, it's insane. beautiful.

the other fic by feelingthorny i HAVE to mention is close call. this one is pwp, but FUCK this erwin is SO DREAMY. and, as one might tell, the writing is just marvelous.

next, i recommend every! single! fic! that belongs to the to build a home series by nylondreams. the romance, the intimacy, the tenderness... ahh, they're so lovely to read. and *cough* the first fic in the series gave me a breeding kink *cough*

more recommendations in the "horny fics that also made me fall in love even more" category: e major, uncorked and treasured memories, all by whatsherquirk. delicious. that's all i'm going to say.

prying eyes by SecretsOfHarprocrates is in my opinion a depiction of erwin that's very close to how he'd behave in canon (if canon included sexy times)

four christmases by ghost_party was !!! ok i don't really know what to say about this one because it's been a while since i read it, but you have to trust me and check it out!!

i think that's all for now, i hope i haven't forgotten anything (if i have i'll just reblog this post and add more). happy reading <3

now PLEASE give me an excuse to make an eruri fic recs post (or even a levi one)

#msg #erwin smith x reader

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mecachrome · 3 months

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for an incredibly new f1 follower, what would you recommend for getting up to date with teams and racers and performances and history? apart from dts lol

oh that is a good question!!! i don't think i'm even the best person to answer this but honestly i think it all comes naturally if you pick a specific thing/team/person you're interested in and set out to learn more about that topic, because everything is so connected and with time you can fill in those knowledge gaps pretty quickly :') more under the cut:

dts is imo perfectly acceptable for learning names and faces for the first time and basically creating a vague outline of a given subject (i've said it's like using duolingo for learning a new language lol), so if you watch it and are like oh—i'm interested in charles or mercedes or learning more about technical regulations or whatever, then you can just dive deeper into that via wiki / youtube / podcasts + published media + old race archives and build up from there!

otherwise i think the main thing is just to start watching the actual races when the season gets underway, and in order to properly appreciate them then also read up on + watch videos about the technical/strategy side of the sport as well. back in the day i used to really like chain bear and i still always recommend it to anyone who asks! after that i would just seek out like... a community/server/place where other people are discussing news real-time; this could be meeting people on tumblr and twitter, but personally i'm subscribed to r/formula1 because it's the most active composite source of f1 news and Discourse. if you're reddit-averse i also just keep a big list on twitter with a bunch of random data accounts, official driver/team accounts, journalists, etc. that helps me keep up with the season in a tidy fashion—though honestly f1 journalism is so unserious that you don't really need to do that because most journos regurgitate the same three quotes in slightly different formats, so if you want to follow One Guy who won't disseminate bs info i'd recommend chris medland. or just general sport publications like autosport, motosport.com, the athletic if you're already subscribed to it (pretty lacking for f1 though since it's american lol), etc... some sites like the-race are very contentious though so i'd say just tread with caution!!! on the data side i personally enjoy fdatanalysis and f1telemetrydata (i've also used f1-tempo to do my own telemetry analysis but idk if that's useful). but again i'd highly recommend the subreddit since it keeps everything i just mentioned in one place anyway 😭

other media recs:

f1tv, if it's available in your area, has pretty much everything you need to follow f1 in its entirety. i hate to shill for paid media but i genuinely think it's good; you can watch every f1, f2, f3 session real-time, as well as go to the archives and revisit old races for each series from most seasons. it also has technical shows and a whole host of minidocs with bite-sized info that are probably less sensationalized than dts. if you don't have f1tv though then a lot of decent content is cross-posted to the f1 youtube so honestly the official channels are all pretty good for keeping up with the sport.

podcasts: if you're an auditory person then podcasts are a great way to deepdive into f1 history. personally i believe that 80% of men running f1 podcasts should be legally barred from ever having an opinion on motorsport, so i don't listen to that many, but i do enjoy the official f1 podcast beyond the grid (i listen to it on spotify but you can also find full transcripts on the f1 site) since, you know, they get official personnel on and i appreciate the wide range of personalities interviewed—from drivers to tps to various types of engineers. i've also heard good things about shift+f1, the race, and engine braking, but i haven't checked them out so i'd recommend just looking podcasts up yourself and seeing what vibes with you! though some podcasts are just like... I'll eat this because you're interviewing my guy but i would never watch/listen to you otherwise. (cough pit stop...)

books & autobiographies: again if you want to dive more into old f1, then you can always read a book!! i read jenson's autobiography life to the limit earlier and was very endeared, it's a super breezy but charming read ❤️ adrian newey's memoir is also a decent overview of a clearly brilliant and accomplished mind, i enjoyed the technical details and found his early career path especially interesting.

docus, movies, tv: there's also plenty of f1 media outside of f1tv, so you can always check those out; f1 movies aren't necessarily that accurate or frankly good but sometimes it's fun just for the Vibes and the love of the sport. for ex rush (2013) covers james hunt & niki lauda's rivalry, netflix has a schumacher (2021) doc, the brawn gp miniseries ft. jense came out last november, just things like that... some current individual drivers also have their own random miniseries so you can always seek those out, for ex i watched maxv's anatomy of a champion the other day just for the fun of it LOL.

i don't know whether any of this is helpful... but maybe other people can reply with their own recommendations!!!

also if you're interested in f2, f3, etc. then honestly just follow feeder series on whatever platform since they cover everything pretty well; feeder_series on twitter, r/f1feederseries, plus they do interview podcasts on youtube/spotify so i like watching those to keep up with young drivers. you can also watch chasing the dream for succinct f2 narratives; it used to only be on f1tv but it gets uploaded on youtube now so it's fairly accessible. lmk if you have any other questions or something specific you'd like more info about!!!

#ask

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wikiangela · 6 months

Text

Weekend WIP Game

tagged by @jesuisici33 <3

Rules: List your WIPs below (if you only write one fic at a time, feel free to include future WIPs/ideas!) then answer the following questions. Then, tag as many people as you have WIPs (or more)

1. WIP List:

alive shannon

sick eddie

buddie coffee shop

new buddie chris' school

roommates

bi eddie

buddie death cast fic

cheating fic

untitled natalia fic

buddie 2x01

5+1 nicknames

coffee buddie

2. Which of your WIPs is currently the longest?

alive shannon with 20k words so far

3. Which WIP do you expect will end up the longest?

alive shannon, since it's kinda a canon rewrite and I still haven't decided to which point it's gonna go, we'll see when it'll feel right to end it haha

4. Which WIP is your favourite to write/the most enjoyable to write? Why?

once again, alive shannon haha - it's just so fun to explore what all those dynamics could've been, and giving Eddie and Shannon some closure, and I love exploring Shannon's character, too, speculating on her thoughts and motivations, and diving into everyone's heads, and I'm so excited to see it all develop!!

5. Which WIP do you find the most intimidating to write? Why?

I think it's either alive shannon or the cheating fic alive shannon bc I've never written s2/s3 buddie and I wanna get their characters semi-right, and I don't remember a lot of details so I need to get on with my rewatch lol - and also writing Shannon's and Eddie's feelings on their relationship and how it all ended is not easy haha and the cheating fic bc it's so not my thing but a song inspired it and it got stuck in my head and it's happening haha and I hope I'll make it make sense haha

6. Which WIP do you experience the most self-doubt about. Why?

tbh all of them - some more, some less, but there are moments, especially lately, when veeeery often I'm just like: everything I write sucks wtf

7. Which of your WIPs will you seek out a beta/sensitivity reader for? Why?

@giddyupbuck agreed to beta the alive shannon fic, and I spam them with snippets if I'm in doubt and it's sooo helpful fr ily <3 and I'll need alive shannon beta-read bc it's gonna be so long, and I keep changing my mind about things bc of how many ideas I have, so I just need someone else to look at it and tell me if everything makes sense haha - and Ro's helped me so much with some previous fics so they have my full trust with my baby that is the alive shannon fic haha

8. Have any of your WIPs been struck by the curse of writer's block?

all of them at some point lol - a few of these are actually on hold bc of that - I will get back to them tho!

9. Which WIP has your favourite OC? Tell us about them?

as of now there's no ocs in any of these, but we'll see haha

10. Which WIP is the sexiest?

cheating fic and maaaaybe coffee buddie (if I'll ever get back to this one) - no actual smut in my wips yet atm

11. Which WIP is the angstiest?

buddie death cast fic - if you've read 'they both die at the end' you know why lol this is not gonna have a happy ending

12. Which WIP has the best characterisation (in your humble opinion)?

so far I'm loving everyone in alive shannon so I guess let's go with that haha

13. Which WIP has the best scene setting (in your humble opinion)?

oh I am so bad this - but maybe let's say buddie coffee shop au bc i think it's the only one where I put even a little bit of focus on the setting lmao

14. Which WIP have you worked the hardest on?

alive shannon, been thinking about it and making notes for months before I started writing, and I don't think i've ever been this invested in a fic

15. Which WIP do you have the highest expectations for? Why?

alive shannon - - like I said, it's my most precious baby, and I'm so excited to not only write it but read it, and I hope it's gonna be as good as it is in my head, and I hope I'll make the story make sense with Shannon there, but also keeping some important buddie moments from canon hah

16. Do you dream about any of your WIPs?

not sure if i've ever dreamt about a wip, but i do get new ideas in my sleep sometimes lol

17. Do any of your WIPs have particular complexities that your other fics don't?

alive shannon will have switching povs which i rarely do, so it's gonna be a challenge to write three distinct voices - and diving into Shannon's head and feelings and motivations will also definitely be hard

18. Which WIP is the funniest or has the most humour?

I think sick eddie - he's so ridiculously stubborn and difficult istg haha or buddie coffee shop with how fucking awkward buck's being

19. Do any of your WIPs contain outside POVs or a deep dive on a character other than the main ship? How are you finding that process?

yep, once again, alive shannon - it's as much a buddie fic as it is a shannon fic, so it's not exactly outside pov, bc I'm just excited to focus on her equally as much, on how she's settling into their lives, becoming a better mom, being involved in Chris' life - she's gonna have as much focus as buddie sns it's not easy, bc it's alternating povs and once I get stuck in Eddie's head it's hard to leave, but so far it's been fun

20. Tell us one thing we don't know about one or more of your WIPs

uhhh, I think I share like everything lol okay, so maybe: alive shannon will definitely go at least up until s4 and will include Eddie dating Ana 👀 purely bc I want a buddie-shipping Shannon to be like wtf eddie??? also, there will be more than one mcd in the death cast fic and coffee buddie was loosely inspired by a small thing from luke cage lol

no pressure tags: @daffi-990 @fortheloveofbuddie @elvensorceress @gaydiaz @diazass @thebravebitch @silentxxsoul @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @arthursdent @diazblunt @911onabc @eddiediaztho @housewifebuck @lover-of-mine @gayhoediaz @rogerzsteven @watchyourbuck @hoodie-buck @monsterrae1 @ladydorian05 @forthewolves @honestlydarkprincess @wildlife4life @theotherbuckley @weewootruck @thewolvesof1998 @disasterbuckdiaz @loserdiaz @underwater-ninja-13 @giddyupbuck @hippolotamus @eowon @callaplums @spotsandsocks

#alive shannon is like most of these answers lmao #but i'll talk about this fic at every and all opportunities istg i just love it so much #sorry to annoy y'all with it haha - if anyone doesn't wanna be tagged in only alive shannon stuff just lmk fr #weekend wip game #wip asks #writer asks #wikiangela writes #my wips #fanfic ask game #buddie #buddie wip #the alive shannon fic

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yawnderu · 4 months

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Hi, your posts always come up when I’m searching for fanfiction for this one specific character I like. When I’m browsing the search of this character, the majority of your work that pops up are the “darker” themed stories, and I’m not sure if that’s exclusively what you write or if that’s just what’s popping up, but I was hoping to ask you a question. It comes from a place of genuine curiosity, so I hope it doesn’t come across as rude, although it might, and that’s definitely not my intention. I’m genuinely curious as to why you write explicit sexual assault fanfiction? You tag your stories with “noncon,” referring to nonconsensual sex which is obviously rape. I’ve also seen stories tagged with “drugging” and I’m genuinely so confused about the psychology of “dark” writing. I’ve seen some people say it’s a coping mechanism so maybe that’s it? I’m 20 years old, but I cannot imagine being a 13 old girl (which tumblr is FULL of) and seeing stories which have the premises of “hot guy character” and “sex,” and it’s just literal rape or drugging or manipulation (or as you tag, “gaslighting”). I really don’t mean to be harsh, it’s just astounding how you feel comfortable writing that stuff, because it’s not like these “dark” topics are being condemned, it’s very clear that’s it written on the premise of being “forbiddingly sexy”. Because all of these posts are full of supportive comments, it’s so obvious that this normalizes sexual assault and why? All because the guy character doing it is “hot”? My opinion is that it’s so dangerous and I cannot imagine how I would have felt if I had seen these stories and the reactions to them when I was younger as a sexual assault victim myself. I’d really like to hear the perspective of an author of these type of works. This message does not come from a place of judgement.

Hi.

cw: talks of sexual assault, rape and violence.

As a CSA and SA victim, it's mainly used as a way to cope. It doesn't normalize sexual assault in the slightest, it's simply a kink many victims develop after being abused— everyone has their own ways to cope. NONE of my content including the fluff is ever written for minors, and it is not my responsibility if a minor reads it despite having a huge MDNI in my profile and actively encouraging any minors to get off of my blog.

I believe the time you spent writing something that very clearly comes from a place of judgement could have easily been spent googling your questions, but I'll gladly answer.

Sometimes people develop certain kinks out of fear and trauma— coming from someone living in a very small country where women get raped, kidnapped, and brutally murdered daily and spent years being a shut-in to avoid these things, it definitely comes from the factor of being able to have a controlled environment to write the things I'm scared of. I obviously don't want to be raped or be SAd again in real life, so this is all very clearly a fetish.

The reason why it's not written as condemned is because it's very obviously a kink? I'm not really sure what you expect when you see the warnings and continue reading. Since you mention the "gaslighting" thing I'm going to assume the character you're initially talking about is Simon Riley— and it would have taken you exactly 2 seconds to go to my profile and look at the masterlist with over 20 works to realize that's not all I write in the slightest— actually, I haven't put any of my works of the past 2 weeks in the masterlist because I've gotten lazy, so you'd only see 1 darkfic compared to everything else.

You mention multiple times how you'd feel if you saw my works as a child and that's the thing love, not a single one of my fanfics is ever meant for children or teenagers to read. These are grown men I'm writing about, I don't even want minors reading my fluffy things or even interacting with me at all— but if it helps, as a teenager I used to read works like these and it helped me process A LOT of my trauma later on in life lmfao.

I've been molested as early as I was 6 years old, and this went on most of my life growing up until I was in my late teens, so it's pretty fucking weird to say my fics normalize sexual assault because that's far from what it is, it's simply a FANTASY with FICTIONAL characters, none of it is real and I don't want it to be real, I don't want any of my readers to go through any of these things in real life, so I'm not really sure what the point of even accusing me of that was.

#stray answers

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anathemafiction · 1 year

Text

Inflation prices

Hosted Games is going to raise the price of all of their games on January 19th — it's been years, but it seems inflation has caught up with them. This won't affect newer releases much, like the Rose, but it may have a pretty substantial price increase in some of the older titles.

The Golden Rose will go up 15% percent — so if you want to buy it, now's the time to do it! Outside of Steam sales, it'll never be this low price again.

However, some old gems will have bigger price changes, and I wanted to take this opportunity to shine some light on a few of my old favorite HG games. If the summaries interest you, give the free demos a try!

(I'll be linking the COG page, where you can find the links to Steam, Google Play, the App Store, and Amazon at the bottom of the screen).

Tin Star (50% price increase) — Step into the shoes of a US marshal in the old, wild west. It's a very big game, full of hard decisions and a great cast of characters (Preston, you cocky bastard, I love you). You can be a terrible person, a saint, or anything in between.

Zombie Exodus (60% increase) — Try to survive a zombie apocalypse. There are dangerous missions to navigate, complicated power dynamics between survivors, and, of course, friends and lovers to remind you what it is you're fighting for. This is an old game, but it was one of the first IFs I read, and to this day the story and characters hold a special place in my heart.

Zombie Exodus: Safe Haven (40%) — This one isn't really an old game, but I want to include it since the price increase is still substantial and, if you enjoy the first ZE, you will LOVE this. The author took everything from the first game and made it better. You can see how much he has improved. From customization (it's mind-blowing), to relationships, to writing atmospheres - I was legitimately scared in some parts! Plus, the different prologues are so good and... just try it! I adore this game so much.

Way Walkers: University (40%) — Play as a student in a prestigious magic school. The magic system is super interesting, as is the world at large. But, by far, the best thing about this game and its sequel are the characters. It has one of my favorite ROs in any IF games, Semryu, and the way your friendship develops into a tentative romance is so well done. There's also mystery and tension, and I cannot wait for Book 3!

Double/Cross (60%) — Okay, I'll admit: I don't remember a lot about this game. It's been years since I read it, but I do remember, however, really liking it! You work as a bodyguard for the richest man in England, and not everything is as it seems. I like it because it subverts your expectations, and when I got my "happy ending" I... did not feel happy at all. It's really interesting and not very long, so I encourage everyone to give it a try!

So, You're Possessed! (50%) — Oh, how to explain this game? You start as a pizza delivery person, and then you meet a demon and your life is thrown upside down. It's been years since I've played it but it has always remained a special little gem. I don't want to spoil the story too much, so just give it a try!

Evertree Inn (40%) — Again, not exactly old, but I think the price increase warrants it on the list. I also think most of you are familiar with the game and its sequels, but I want to mention it anyway. Solve a mystery in a secluded tavern and watch out for the murderer! You can play as a number of fantasy races — dwarf, elf, etc— and interact with a cast of colorful characters. It's just such a fun game, and it leads to a great adventure in the sequel.

Fallen Hero: Rebirth (40%) — Okay, okay, I know. You all have the game already plus, it isn't technically "old". Well, may this serve as an announcement that Fallen Hero is about to get 40% more expensive, and if by some chance some of you haven't played it yet, you should absolutely do so now. The sequel is coming, and it's held as one of the best IFs ever published. A reputation that, in my opinion, is more than deserved.

Happy reading! I hope you find at least one game that'll bring you joy.♡

#recommendations #oof this took longer than I expected #I tried to pick games with significant price increases #there are more but they're newer #other people's games #hosted games

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felizusnavidad · 6 months

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"i don't think i'll ever understand musicals the way you do" is something i've heard from one of my friends a couple of days ago when i told him i'm about to cross the whole country just to see one of those (my favourite one!) live in theatre. and i can't blame him. if you'd have told me a year ago that i would do something like that, i'd probably have laughed in your face. life is so unpredictable. i guess i have changed a lot. and i could write thousands of essays about how musicals helped me get through the shittiest period of my life, but we are not going to talk about this today. today we are talking about in the heights, the first musical i got a chance to experience live in theatre, hopefully not last. so grab a cup of coffee and make yourself comfortable, this is going to be the longest essay you've ever seen, friends.

a little warning: spoilers. a lot of them actually. so if, by any chance, you haven't seen/heard it yet and you are going to, don't read it.

first thing i feel like i need to mention is that they had this mini bar inside the theatre and you could order a lot of different drinks there and one of them was called abuela's coffee. i heard one lady explaining to someone that it's actually coffee with condensed milk. my jaw dropped and i was like CAN I STAY HERE FOREVER, PLEASE? for those who don't understand why, here's a quote from the first song:

USNAVI: abuela, my fridge broke, i got café but no con leche ABUELA CLAUDIA: try my mother's old recipe: one can of condensed milk

so this was my first "OH! THEY GET IT!" moment (a little note here: i had a lot of oh, they get it moments, mostly because i don't have any people around me who understand musicals the way i do... honestly, you'd have to live inside my brain). that was the first time ever when i could actually be in the room where it happens with all those people who get it and care about it as much as i do (mostly actors and people responsible for the whole show tho, but we will get to this later).

let's get to the show. so when i finally went inside and i saw the stage, i already had tears in my eyes (don't judge me please). usnavi's store, abuela's door, daniela and carla's salon, all those puerto rican, cuban and dominican flags (one couple behind me was trying to figure out which one is which and it was funny because i knew and i wanted to scream)... listening and memorizing the whole soundtrack is one thing. being able to experience it all live is something else. all those things around me were so familiar and this was the first time in months (MONTHS! OR EVEN YEARS!) i felt really understood. after all, it was all like a little celebration of lin's story (the one i love with all my heart) and i truly felt like home. so that was another OH! THEY GET IT! moment.

i don't think i'm going to talk about every single song here, that's not the point. i will talk about my favourite moments, but also about things that didn't work very well in my opinion (again: this was a polish version so all the songs were translated into polish. and they did a really great job here, surprisingly. but it wasn't perfect, more about that later).

one thing you need to understand is that i will never be normal about musicals so of course i had to burst into tears at the very first song (i don't even know why, i think i was a little bit too excited). i was actually crying in the most random moments like when i first saw nina or at the end of carnaval del barrio because I KNEW WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT (who the hell cries at carnaval del barrio when everyone is having the time of their lives lol, me apparently).

ok, so the first song. the choreography, oh my god. it was everything. the translation was also pretty good here, i need to say this was probably one of my favourite moments. imagine me leaving today giggling like a child when usnavi came on that stage and started rapping, i was in heaven. also, i have to admit, the cast was amazing. i could never imagine anyone better for this role (and again, i am talking about polish actors because everyone knows who's the best usnavi of them all). he was cute and charming and awkward and so adorkable and also really handsome. he was actually perfect in my opinion.

i kinda lost my mind when i saw nina for the first time. first of all: i already knew who was going to play her and let's just say i fell in love with this actress before i even saw her live on that stage. this was important to me, because (as some of you know) nina rosario is my favourite character. and oh my god, she was an absolute perfection. what a voice, sweet jesus. i'm being serious, this girl is so talented, give her every award (i honestly hope i will have a chance to see her again one day, i'm just crazy about her). and breathe was so good! polish version was amazing, i was so scared they would screw it up, but they didn't, so all's good (this song is very important to me, ok?). also, she's a phenomenal actress, i could feel all her emotions for real. and of course i cried, what did you expect?

i don't have that much to say about benny, except that he was really cute and he had amazing chemistry with nina, so once again, the casting was really good. i mean, he is not chris jackson of course, but i have decided i'm not going to compare all those actors because everyone knows at this point how much i love OBC, i was trying to have an open mind. vanessa was also pretty great, amazing voice and her dancing skills, wow, just wow. i could talk about all those actors for days actually, but i'm not going to do that, so i will just quickly mention that i absolutely loved daniela and carla, abuela claudia made me cry, sonny was the funniest character in the whole play and i don't think i will ever recover after piragua guy's performance (i was the only person in the audience who was laughing when he came on that stage, they don't get it, ok? polish people have no sense of humour and that's a fact). actually, there were a lot of funny moments (obviously) and i was the only person who was laughing, god help me.

so let's get to the first thing that was a little disappointing for me. you will not believe it, but it was actually... 96,000 (this is one of my favourite songs and i seriously can't live like this). it's not the translation tho (it was honestly fine), it's the voice overlapping part at the end (again, the best thing ever, just listen to we don't talk about bruno from encanto and non-stop from hamilton and you will understand why it works so well in every lmm's song). the thing is, you could actually only hear vanessa's part and i wanted to die, because EXCUSE ME. i always sing usnavi's part and you could barely hear a word from it. but apart from that, the rest was fine, the choreography was amazing and it's just something i needed to mention because i had thoughts about it.

paciencia y fe! ok besties, i have thoughts, again. abuela claudia was absolutely incredible, also, her relationship with usnavi is something that you can't see in the movie version (they were so sweet i wanted to curl up and die. i knew about it before, i saw slime tutorial with obc on yt, ok? i'm pretty sure lin would be mad at me for watching bootlegs lol. i just wanted to say this). the translation didn't work out at the very end of the song tho, because when in the og version abuela sings about the "winning ticket", everyone knows already she won the lottery. i don't remember polish translation exactly, but it was something with double meaning, depends on how you interpret it, and i'm 100% sure people who didn't know the plot just didn't catch it. the rest of the song was absolutely beautiful tho.

when you're home. i was so afraid of this one, because i am totally crazy about this song (did i ever mention lin wrote this one after one of his first dates with vanessa? no? yes? ok i'll shut up about this now). oh, they did a really great job with it and it's a relief. i have nothing else to say, except that i was crying like a baby, but this song always makes me cry so what did you expect exactly? one of the best moments for sure. again, nina and benny's chemistry was absolutely incredible.

as much as i loved the club, i was actually really disappointed with one part, which is usnavi's famous "jealous i ain't jealous, i can take all these fellas, wHaTeVaaaaa". i've been waiting so long for this! and they messed it up with their stupid cringy translation which i don't even remember at the moment but usnavi was actually mad at benny and he cursed? ANYWAY. the rest of the song was great and the choreography was absolutely phenomenal, oh vanessa! let me get the next one! (i love her so much, she was amazing here). a little note from me: no one was laughing at the "no hablo ingles" part, NO ONE BUT ME!!! THEY DON'T GET IT! WTF! i was so mad (i am aware of the fact that most people probably didn't even know this story before and they just wanted to see a musical, not THE MUSICAL, which is totally fine. but sweet jesus, where is their sense of humour? they left it at home or what?).

and blackout was that part where the voice overlapping effect worked very well, so all's good. actually, one of the best moments for me as well. people were actually so confused when all the lights went down, but that was just so amazing. all the panic! everybody was screaming, crying! WE ARE POWERLESS! THE END OF ACT I!!! oh, i had the time of my life.

i had this weird feeling that they didn't exactly know how to translate most of hundreds of stories so they just made this song shorter than it actually is. which is fine i guess. honestly, it's better than bad translation, so i can forgive them. what i absolutely can't forgive tho is that the audience wasn't laughing at US NAVY. polish people, you have no fucking taste. i said what i said. and then again, usnavi and abuela's relationship was so sweet this song actually made me cry (mostly because i knew what was coming but also, i was just this weird girl who was sitting there in the second row and was crying at the most random moments).

ok, guys, honestly. carnaval del barrio was the best moment from the entire musical. oh, how much i want to experience it again! daniela was absolutely incredible, carla was so sweet, piragua guy stole the whole fucking show for me (seriously guys! he was just so amazing!). also, those little details i have never noticed before? i can't even tell if the same thing happened in the original version (the quality of that bootleg is actually terrible), but benny dancing with american flag somewhere in the background was so fucking funny and i don't think i will ever get over that part where at the end they were all still dancing and celebrating and nina and usnavi just ran away as fast as they could because... because you guys know what just happened. also, this is the moment i started crying.

i was so scared of it. let me tell you one thing, i experienced abuela's death at least fifty times and i still cry every single time. so atención is something i have to mention, because all the emotions and kevin's shaky voice made me burst into tears right away, and this time i wasn't the only one because i saw a lot of people crying when they realized what happened (i also heard a lot of OHs when he said abuela passed away, so yes, most of them didn't know this story and they were surprised). and alabanza was something else. believe me when i tell you i am writing this with tears in my eyes, i have never cried so much in public. this was the moment i was the most scared of and i was absolutely right because holy fuck. i was a mess. all the actors with those candles singing alabanza a doña claudia! (yes, they didn't translate it, all the spanish parts were left like in the original version and i am so grateful for that), it was just so sad and so beautiful. and this time i was actually like oh, they get it now (everyone was speechless and people were crying).

everyone must know at this point how much i adore champagne and i wasn't disappointed (thank god!). once again, usnavi was absolutely adorable here and people were actually laughing this time (also thank god!). how do you get this gold shit off? (my favourite line from the whole musical) was translated really well and the moment when usnavi and vanessa kissed! with all lights on them! this was so emotional and the audience reacted so well! we were all clapping (it was so funny to pretend like i didn't know it was gonna happen haha i was just as excited as all of them and once again i was like OH! THEY GET IT!). 10/10, would recommend.

if you think i wasn't crying during the last song, think again. one thing i absolutely hate about the movie version is that they actually changed the graffiti that made usnavi stay in washington heights, but i'm not gonna talk about that and i'm not gonna talk about vanessa also being there in the movie. in the original version it was a portrait of abuela claudia made by graffiti pete and oh boy, i lost my mind (i knew about it but i still lost my mind because it was absolutely beautiful). i got the feeling it was a little rushed in our polish version, but i can forgive them because it still made me cry. also, at the very end, usnavi did not only finally acknowledge he's home, when the song was over he pretty much told the audience that we are all home right now and may i just say... i felt that. i was home. they made me believe for the first time in my life i was where i belong, and somehow that was everything.

one thing about me is that this is actually all new to me. this was my first musical i saw live in theatre (and also lin's first child, which is exactly how it was supposed to be i think), and believe me when i tell you i've never had this much fun in my entire life, not even at all the concerts of my favourite artists. it was worth every money. it was worth spending 11 hours on the train and 11 more on my way back home, which by the way we should normalize (people are doing crazy things just to see their favourite artists on the stage and it's considered normal, so why can't we consider THIS normal?). anyway, i don't expect anyone around me to understand it the way i do, but i feel like i really found my thing, and it's all because of lin-manuel miranda, our beautiful puerto rican genius. he made me believe musicals can be cool and i truly wish i could thank him for that one day.

and like i said, in the heights is my favourite story with my favourite characters and i listened to it so many times i have memorized all the little details. experiencing it live is something completely different tho and i think it's safe to say this was the best night of my entire life. even tho most of the people in the audience didn't really get it, i finally felt like i was a part of this world created by my favourite genius and for the first time ever i felt understood. so i think i can say that now: i found my island, guys, i'm there, i'm home!

#if you were able to read the whole thing: congrats #also another note from me: i apologize for all those “they get it” “they dont get it”#i swear to god i am not making fun of anyone #you guys just know how much i am into it #and if other people were just there to enjoy it it's totally fine!#not everyone has to be obsessed!#but i am!#so i just wanted to explain it ok?#good.#also i apologize for it being so long but i had so much to say and i still feel like i didn't say everything i wanted #feel free to leave a comment or ask any questions if you want #now if you think i will finally shut up about in the heights on my silly little blog think again #i love it even more now if that's possible #and another explanation: i'm gonna tag this as my countdown because again i want all my ith posts in one place #thank you for your attention #it won't be long now*#why do you write like you're running out of time*#(not gonna tag this as ith cause this is only for my moots cause you guys get it)#(the last time one of my ith posts was seen by people who dont even know what that is i was depressed for days but that's another story)#(iykyk)#(and you know cause you left me tons of sweet messages guys i love you)

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tossawary · 1 year

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Hi,.....if you don't mind me asking, can I ask your top 5 (or top 3) favorite characters from SVSSS? And why do you love them? And your top 5 favorite moments from the novel? Sorry if you've answered this question before....Thanks....

Hi! Thank you for asking! I can use this to reflect on my SVSSS reread some more and mention some things I didn’t bring up in my other posts. I don't think I've ever explicitly rounded these things up into a list, so this is a fun thing to think about while I've run out of work and my supervisor isn't messaging me back. I'll try to focus on just the main story of SVSSS, because I haven't reread Volume 4 yet, and if my opinions change after reading the extras collection, then I'll come back and say so.

Long post ahead! Favorite characters and scenes!

Favorite characters:

Shen Yuan! I can't remember where I would have ranked him the first time I read SVSSS, but I always liked him just fine, and I've found a new love for him with the reread, being reminded of just how funny he is and how asexual he seems! He also just wants to be nice to people. I enjoy how much he enjoys food and reading and just chilling out chatting to people. He enjoys life! He fucks up several times, quite badly, but he's not unreasonable for assuming that Binghe would want to kill him, and I think it's compelling how the sheer overwhelming panic of his impossible situation wouldn't let him take a step back from the fast-paced nonsense he's forced to go through that often isn't his fault.

Luo Binghe! He's one of the main characters and he's such a sweetheart, when he also isn't a murderous emotional wreck or cold bastard, which is just fun to read about. Despite everything (being pushed into hell, being possessed by an evil sword, watching his teacher self-destruct and blaming himself for it, being able to take the world on a bloodied silver platter and then getting his ass kicked by his birth father), I feel like he turned out surprisingly well! I like how he just wants to dote on Shen Qingqiu and be doted on. He is trying SO hard to communicate with someone who keeps running away from him, but he doesn't know how. Crybaby demon emperor who abandoned having a harem in order to chase just one guy is still funny.

Getting to side characters... I like pretty much all of them! A lot of them are pretty evenly ranked for me, even though I like them all for different reasons.

Shang Qinghua probably has to take the top spot of side characters here, partly because I am deeply influenced by the Airplane Extras and all the fanfiction I've written for him, but also because I still think he has such a fascinating position as the author of this world and story, and he's such an irreverent ass to Shen Qingqiu at the same time that he does occasionally go through significant effort to help him out. His conversations with Shen Qingqiu are extremely funny. I'm glad that Shen Qingqiu has someone who knows about the truth of his background. Whatever the fuck is going on with him and Mobei-Jun in the background is funny and I fully understand why people read only the main story and then go, “WHY THE FUCK ARE SO MANY PEOPLE FIXATING ON THEM??? MOBEI-JUN HAS LIKE TEN LINES OF DIALOGUE!!!”

Then... uh... I don't know. I guess I'll put Tianlang-Jun and Zhuzhi-Lang next, together as a pair. They're both so eccentric and charismatic, although in very different ways, and I enjoy them as villains. They kill SO MANY people and do NOT care. Zhuzhi-Lang in particular has the weirdest fucking morals and I dig how he’s clearly a person but also very much NOT HUMAN. They're both very funny in the jokes they make and in the scenes they're in. Their backstories and fates are also terribly sad. Tianlang-Jun having the truth of Su Xiyan’s death revealed to him is a little heartbreaking even if he’s an ass. I like how powerful they are and how they weren't a part of the PIDW published story, so they can blindside Shen Qingqiu and mess everything up.

The character I was struck by the most on this reread was Gongyi Xiao, so I'll put him next. Though I do like Liu Mingyan, Sha Hualing, Yue Qingyuan, and Liu Qingge. Hmm, maybe I'll tie him with Sha Hualing for this particular reread.

Gongyi Xiao was good because of how genuinely good he's trying to be, despite the fact that he's stuck as a part of Huan Hua Palace, with a Palace Master and a Little Palace Mistress who seem worse than useless. He's trying his best to keep things civil and avoid falling into mob mentality. He spares Zhuzhi-Lang when Shen Qingqiu points out the demon hasn't done anything, so he's willing to view demons as not being entirely evil, and then he gets tragically killed off when Zhuzhi-Lang decides to mark him as an enemy and he's just in the wrong place at the wrong time. He helps Shen Qingqiu escape the Water Prison because he thinks the man is being sexually and physically abused by the new head disciple, Luo Binghe. I also like the jealousy he can invoke in Luo Binghe and I think there's an interesting potential connection to Su Xiyan, which also has cool fic potential.

Sha Hualing was good because she's just so obnoxious and dangerous and at the same time a little pathetic. I mean, I still wish that SVSSS did a little more with their female characters, because even if some of them have interesting personality quirks, they're a little flat and don't have much power over the plot. But Sha Hualing does at least have a hand in launching a few important events and scenes, pretty much because she likes causing trouble and has great ambition, even if she keeps getting her ass kicked. I like the fact that she apparently backstabbed her father, because that couldn't have just been because of Luo Binghe. I like the fact that Liu Mingyan's face apparently left her speechless. I like the fact that she keeps losing the fucking top of her stupid skimpy outfit and flashes her breasts several times and still won't change it. It's just for comedy, I know, but I can still use it to build up my vision of a horrible little gremlin woman who wants to conquer the world but has gotten stuck with a shitty boss, and maybe doesn't so much want to conquer the world as she wants to be fawned over and start shit.

Favorite moments from the main story:

This is also kind of hard to decide, because there are a lot of good moments, and they're good for lots of different reasons. It's difficult to rank comedic moments against tragic ones against action scenes against the more sentimental moments. And I'm obviously not able to rank objective quality when tastes are so subjective. So this list won't actually be properly ranked and will be more a little random as I struggle to remember particularly striking moments, focusing more on genuine sentiment than the comedy.

Just before the Immortal Alliance Conference, when Binghe is 17 and recently returned from a mission, and Shen Qingqiu asks him what he would be willing to go through in order to be strong.

I like this sequence because it shows off the level of affection between Shen Qingqiu and Luo Binghe. It shows off how Luo Binghe has flourished under a teacher who cares (and we know that Binghe has been training as a demon for the past few years as well, so there’s some intrigue going on) and introduces us to the Zheng Yang sword. It shows us how much Shen Qingqiu trusted Binghe with as his head disciple, when he's just leaving admin work to Binghe without needing to look it over, and how Binghe is kind of a workaholic (due to his desire to prove himself worthy) and how Shen Qingqiu is so laidback and content when he's allowed control over his own life. There are lots of soft moments in these scenes. There are some funny moments.

We learn that Shen Qingqiu has resolved to distance himself from the protagonist, so that pushing him into the Abyss will hurt less, and then he keeps failing because he can't help but praise and reward Luo Binghe for his efforts. It shows off Shen Qingqiu's dread over the Endless Abyss. How much he doesn't want to hurt Binghe but how he's convincing himself that it's necessary for the protagonist's development. It shows off the compartmentalization that Shen Qingqiu is doing. And yet Shen Qingqiu can't help but try and prepare Binghe in some way, and it's fascinating to imagine what Binghe must have been thinking in that moment and after that moment.

There's a lot of fascinating character and relationship stuff being done in these few scenes, compelling our attachment to them by showing their affection, and upping the tension by showing Shen Qingqiu's dread.

Mobei-Jun and Shang Qinghua's first appearances, in the middle of an Immortal Alliance Conference going terribly wrong. Yes, I'm pushing their introductions together.

Look, I'm biased towards these two, and maybe the scenes rise above the others partly with the benefit of hindsight, but that's fine! Shang Qinghua is striking from the get-go if only because of his apparent cheerfulness in the middle of a horrific invasion, after we’ve just witnessed several disturbing and violent disciple deaths, and Shen Qingqiu reveals him to be the logistics lord of Cang Qiong and a spy. And THEN MOBEI-JUN APPEARS, an ice-cold badass from the get-go, the protagonist’s future right-hand man showing up five hundred chapters early to open the Endless Abyss! He gets a kickass fight scene first with Shen Qingqiu, then with Luo Binghe, wrecks Luo Binghe’s life, and then leaves because...??? He’s interested to see where this goes? He’s bored? He’s decided that he’s started enough shit? He’s a total wildcard. We have seen so much horrific violence and death here, and it is squarely Shang Qinghua and Mobei-Jun’s fault! They’re both such villains! It’s very fun.

These scenes are also fun because of the worldbuilding they do for the PIDW story (Luo Binghe’s future as Demon Emperor), the monsters, the Demon Realm, Cang Qiong Mountain Sect, and the cultivation world in general. They also launch Shen Qingqiu’s relationship with his fellow transmigrator, which is one of my favorite relationships in the story, even if Shen Qingqiu only tells us that he’s realized Shang Qinghua is a transmigrator after the story is over.

Yue Qingyuan revealing his full history with Shen Jiu and apologizing to Shen Qingqiu (Shen Yuan), who makes it clear to Yue Qingyuan that he’s not angry but gently puts some distance between them, because the person who should hear this is no longer present.

The Yue Qi and Shen Jiu story is a very sad one. I like how these reveals recontextualize Shen Qingqiu’s relationship with Yue Qingyuan. I like how it’s revealed to us that the Xuan Su sword saps away Yue Qingyuan’s lifeforce, that he damaged his own soul trying to save Shen Jiu, and that he was imprisoned in the Lingxi Caves. It’s all very compelling and tugs at the heartstrings. It feels rewarding to me to get this backstory. And Yue Qingyuan is apparently possibly dying at the time that he reveals all of this to Shen Qingqiu.

And for all the trouble that Shen Qingqiu (Shen Yuan) has caused Yue Qingyuan by his miscommunication and flailing around trying not to die, I think that he handles this incredible difficult situation pretty well despite the intense pressure that they’re all under. (The Demon and Human Realms are merging! Cang Qiong Mountain Sect is set to merge with the Endless Abyss!) Shen Yuan is sad that Shen Jiu can’t hear this. He very obviously pretends that he didn’t hear any of this, essentially telling Yue Qingyuan that he will have to live if he want to talk about this later, so don’t die, Yue Qingyuan! He makes it clear that he’s no longer angry at the same time that sort of... rebuffs Yue Qingyuan’s attempts to treat him as Shen Jiu? He makes it clear that their relationship will never be that intimate again, even if he has no hard feelings.

Because Shen Yuan feels like if anyone should be hearing this and offering forgiveness, then it should be Shen Jiu, and that it’s not his place to step forward and take over that particular relationship speaking for Shen Jiu. He’s pretty graceful about it. He took over someone else’s life and he can’t tell anyone (at least that’s how I’ve interpreted it, and I don’t blame Shen Yuan for not testing his luck against a System that has spent the past few years threatening to kill him if he doesn’t perform adequately to its standards, doing things he doesn’t want to do, in extremely high pressure situations). And Yue Qingyuan has to accept this rebuff gracefully as well.

Shen Qingqiu carrying and protecting an unconscious Luo Binghe in the Holy Mausoleum, fighting against the last-breath candles and blind corpses, then fighting against Qiu Haitang and the Palace Master.

It’s kind of funny to reach the point where Shen Qingqiu stops running away from Luo Binghe, because despite the cold shoulders and the miscommunication and the previous trust in the protagonist halo, Shen Qingqiu just can’t bear to let Luo Binghe die. He can’t bring himself to risk it. He’s so aghast at Tianlang-Jun for not giving a shit about his son. He kind of even seems angry about it.

I like the worldbuilding done in the Holy Mausoleum, even if parts of it are a little confusing to me. I enjoy a lot of the traps in this particular dungeon. I think that the last-breath candles are enchanting little creatures. I think that paring them with the blind corpses makes for an interesting threat and a compelling series of horror scenes. I think the state that the Old Palace Master and Qiu Haitang is pretty freaky in a fascinating way. I think that the Old Palace Master’s death at the hand of those little plants attracted to spiritual energy is disturbing, and that it was a clever move on Shen Qingqiu’s part to get the man to kill himself.

And the scene of Shen Qingqiu kissing Luo Binghe’s forehead in the coffin, in order to hide the light of his demon mark, is pretty striking.

Shen Qingqiu’s confrontation with Luo Binghe in the Water Prison and then escaping the Water Prison with Gongyi Xiao.

This is where we get even more insight into Luo Binghe’s post-Abyss mindset and I think it’s where we get the first bit of real insight into Luo Binghe’s difficulties with the Xin Mo sword. His conversation with Shen Qingqiu is frustrating and alarming, because Shen Qingqiu just won’t talk and Luo Binghe is angry even if he doesn’t want to kill Shen Qingqiu. There’s intrigue with how Luo Binghe became the new head disciple of Huan Hua Palace. There’s intrigue with how Shen Qingqiu intends to get out of this and how the Sun-Moon Dew Mushroom will be involved in his escape. On one hand, I don’t want Shen Qingqiu to stick around and die and it would be fun to see him in a plant body, but on the other hand, I do think Luo Binghe deserves some explanation.

And then the whole thing with Shen Qingqiu losing his clothes because of the Little Palace Mistress’ whip and Luo Binghe offering his outer robe, which is funny as hell. Because Luo Binghe is hot for his teacher and then angry that Shen Qingqiu won’t even accept this much from him. And Shen Qingqiu is thinking, “Hey, this is the robe Luo Binghe would offer to his love interests after having sex with him. I can’t possibly put this on??? It’s inappropriate.”

Which leads to Gongyi Xiao assuming that Shen Qingqiu is being physically (yes) and sexually (no) abused by Luo Binghe (no), and breaking Shen Qingqiu out of the Water Prison. Because he’s a good boy!

I definitely chose those scenes pretty randomly, but they’re scenes I liked! I don’t know if I can rank things in a definitive order.

Honorable mention to the stuff in Jin Lan City, which is also all fun. It’s very compelling and disturbing and intriguing. And meeting Master Wu Chen in Jin Lan City, who has lost his legs from like the knee-down due to the plague. When we meet Master Wu Chen again later in the series, when the sects are meeting to discuss what the fuck to do about Tianlang-Jun, Master Wu Chen has prosthetic legs now! That’s cool! After all the action at Maigu Ridge is over, Master Wu Chen (who is the one who helped Su Xiyan) helps take Tianlang-Jun back to Zhao Hua Monastery to help him with his broken plant body! Where’s my Wu Chen / Tianlang-Jun rarepair, huh? They’re at the very least bros.

Anyway, this has been fun! Thanks!

#elaine2895 #ask tossawary #tossawary svsss #tossawary rereads svsss #shen yuan #luo binghe #shang qinghua #gongyi xiao #tianlang jun #zhuzhi lang #sha hualing #wu chen #yue qingyuan #spoilers #character death

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