#what if it sucks and its all wrong and every editor tells me to change everything and every agent tells me i have nothing here
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swipe right - jjk | m
“ i wanna ruin our friendship. we should be lovers instead. i don't know how to say this, cause you're really my dearest friend “ - jenny, studio killers
♡ summary- after a horrible breakup, you sign back up for tinder and ironically match with your best friend, jungkook. a date for fun is harmless, right?
♡ genre- best friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, jk is a minecraft streamer, brother namjoon, brother-in-law jimin, namjoon is kind of a himbo stay at home dad ngl, ex-boyfriend seokjin (mentioned but doesnt show up)
♡ word count- 9k
♡ warnings- mentions of a bad breakup (smh seokjin wtf??), penetrative sex, unprotected sex (u know the business folx), oral sex (m receiving), teasing, SO MUCH BODY WORSHIP, jk is a simp, slight dirty talk, lots of just talking during sex yall it happens, creampie, cum play, praise praise body worship praise, did i mention body worship, tit-fucking, cum eating, i think thats all.
♡ a/n - helloooo and thank you for your wait for this fic! i’m so happy its done and i loved writing it! it’s a little bit different feel for my usual style of writing (smut-wise) so please tell me your thoughts! i didn’t use dom/sub themes OR a daddy kink LMAOOOO praise me please. i hope you enjoy!! pls feel free to comment, chat, message, carrier pigeon, email, mail, WHATEVER U WANT, me. i love u babies. thank you to @kimtaehyunq for the sexy banner. and for @xjoonchildx @ladyartemesia @untaemedqueen for the writing support and idea generation. i would be nothing without my council. and thank you to my beta editors @hobi-gif and @ughseoks and @hongism for the perusal and help in writing this!
Jungkook is the person you call when your world falls apart.
He answers, voice raspy from the late hour, and the second he asks you what’s wrong, the downpour of torrential tears you’ve been holding back finally escapes and you’re sobbing through the phone that you just lost the love of your life—that he left and with little effort on his part, and a lot on yours.
Jungkook listens to you—his heart aching deep in his chest at hearing the utter heartbreak that’s clear in your voice. You’ve never been hurt like this, and he’s desperate to hold you, to make it go away. He wants to drive over to Seokjin’s house and throw a left hook into his stupid, handsome face for making you feel you weren’t worth it.
Because if there’s anything in the world that Jungkook knows, it’s that you’re worth it. You’re worth everything. Add up all the money and all the gold in the entire world, and it still doesn’t meet a fraction of what you’re worth to him.
“Where are you?” He asks as he cradles the phone against one arm and pulls on his jeans.
You sniffle. “Jungkook, it’s 3 am.”
“So? I was up playing Minecraft,” He lies. “Where are you?”
You can’t help but laugh the tiniest bit, a sliver of warmth wrapping itself around your raw and exposed heart. Like a balm to a flesh wound. It doesn’t heal it, not yet.
“I’m at our park.”
Jungkook smiles as he grips the phone back in his hand. The park. The place you and Jungkook spent your childhood playing make-believe games, and formative teenage years loitering around smoking clove cigarettes to look cool.
“Give me five minutes, okay?”
You nod, even though he can’t see you.
“Okay.”
Jungkook arrives with two minutes to spare. His beat up Nissan that he insists is “vintage” and “priceless” idles next to you.
He can see you through the darkened glass of your car—your mascara is running down your face, tears streaked through your flawlessly applied makeup.
You still look so beautiful.
And it angers Jungkook that all that time you spent looking good for Seokjin meant nothing to him.
He motions for you to come over, pats the passenger seat next to him and smiles as he watches you open the door and slide into the security of his familiar car.
“You cleaned your car,” you murmur as you notice a severe lack of McDonald’s trash.
He sniffs haughtily.
“The trash added character.”
Jungkook doesn’t give you a chance to respond. Instead, he’s unbuckling his seatbelt and pulling you as close to him as he can get you. The instant his arms wrap around your body, the floodgates open again and your once-quieted tears turn back into full-fledged sobs.
“I loved him,” you gasp through the pain in your throat.
He rubs your back, pats your hair gently, soothing you the way he has for years now. Through every breakup, through every family fight with your older brother Namjoon, through all the mean girls in high school. Jungkook is the north star—always consistent, always guiding you back to safety.
“I know, babe,” he sighs. ���You deserve someone who’s going to treat you right, who’s not just going to give up when things get hard.”
You choke back a cry against his Patagonia hoodie and bury your face further into the crook of his neck. He smells like Old Spice and the shampoo he uses, along with the smell of laundry soap you buy for him—he uses dish soap when he runs out and nearly broke his washing machine last time.
“I thought he was the one. I’m so stupid.”
Jungkook swallows hard. Tonight is about comforting you, not about feeling sorry for himself that you’re his best friend and not his girlfriend. He can’t help but think of what kind of life he would give you. He knows it’s one that wouldn’t end with you crying in a parking lot at 3 AM.
“You’re not stupid, you just loved him. And there’s nothing stupid about loving someone, even if it doesn’t work out,” he sighs as he cradles your head against him. It feels right having you there, pressed up against him and seeking comfort from the solace of his arms.
“Let’s go get a milkshake, yeah?” He asks as you pull your head up and look at him with sad, glassy eyes.
“Yeah,” you nod after a moment of staring.
Jungkook’s eyes sparkle with love, with hope. It makes the desperate, alone feeling inside you—disappear. Jungkook presses a soft kiss to your forehead and then starts the shaky ignition of his car, that takes three cranks of the key before it turns over.
He sends you a look, a laugh evident on your face.
“Don’t even start,” he warns. “The engine is fine.”
“Whatever you say,” you snort as you wipe an errant tear from your face.
“It’s a certified classic car! I could get millions for this baby!”
As the weeks pass, the pain of losing Seokjin becomes further and further from your mind. You can get through the day without crying anytime you see something that reminds you of him and even start flirting with others without feeling like you’re cheating.
You just still haven’t reached the point where dating someone else even feels possible. You’re terrified of allowing someone close to you, letting them into a place where you’re inviting them to possibly hurt you. You’re not sure your heart is ready for it.
“I think you’re just scared,” your older brother Namjoon states as he warms up a bottle of milk in boiling water.
He cradles his new baby in one arm while the other works at the bottle of milk.
“I’m not scared,” you huff. “I just don’t think it’s the right time.”
Namjoon sighs and hands the gurgling newborn baby off to you and readies the bottle for you to feed your new niece, Jisoo.
“Look, Seokjin sucks, okay? I know you two were together for some time, but in the end, he wasn’t the right one for you. There’s someone out there who is the right one for you. You know how many shit frogs I had to kiss before I got my prince?”
You make a face as you feed Jisoo, who happily sucks and gazes at the lights above.
“You call Jimin a prince?”
Namjoon sighs dreamily as he watches the baby and thinks of his husband.
“The dreamiest prince,” he breathes, eyes closed in bliss. “But back to your problems. I think you should get back out there. Go on some dates, meet some people. No one is telling you to fall in love and get married tomorrow. Just go have some fun.”
You allow Namjoon’s words to mull through your mind. What could be the harm in joining a few dating sites, perhaps spending some time at the gym or grocery store flirting with someone cute?
“Fine,” you say. “I’ll think about it.”
“Good. I can’t be the only one giving our parents grand-babies. Soo needs a cousin.”
You smile down at the tiny bundle in your arms and imagine a future where you have a baby of your own.
“Okay, I’m not trying to get knocked up, Joon.”
“Whatever,” he sighs. “Help me choose a wall color for me and Jimin’s new master bathroom.”
Tinder’s changed since the last time you used it, years ago. It’s gone from any semblance of dating to strictly an app used to get laid.
It’s discouraging swiping through all the obvious fuckboys. Sure, a quick and easy lay sounds great, but you’re also trying to go out and enjoy real, traditional dates, and it seems none of these guys want to step foot outside of a bedroom.
The swiping left becomes almost monotonous. You’re sitting on your couch, watching some documentary about serial killers, when a startling profile pops up on your Tinder feed.
The picture that pops up is... Jungkook. You can’t stop the bubble of laughter that leaps from your chest. His profile is so authentically Jungkook that you’re swiping right before you even know it.
Your brain doesn’t even comprehend what a match with Jungkook means, really. You’re still laughing as you click on the bubble to message him and send him as many laugh emojis as you can.
“Hey guys, what’s up, Kookie here with another Let’s Play Minecraft video for ya. Be sure to like and subscribe if you enjoy this kind of content.”
Jungkook’s headset is firmly wrapped around his head, mic next to his mouth and hands at the ready on his mouse and keyboard. He’s set and in the zone.
The game is well into play when the familiar chime of his phone goes off. It’s a Tinder notification—he can tell by the sound. He can’t help but roll his eyes, wondering what sort of boring conversation he’s meant to have with a girl who will probably ghost him, anyway.
He lazily lifts his phone and glances at the notification, before dropping it back to the desk.
His hand freezes on his mouse as he finally comprehends what he just read.
He just matched with YOU.
His best friend.
His secret, lifelong crush.
He sputters something into the microphone and stops recording his game, wildly grasping for the phone and unlocking it.
YN: 😂😂😂😂 is your bio a Minecraft pickup line?!
He pauses, attempts to collect his thoughts, before desperately typing on his screen.
JUNGKOOK: Why? 😉😏 did it work?
You spend the rest of your night jokingly flirting with Jungkook, sending GIFs and emojis in between the silly lines you’re using on each other.
Right before you’re about to head to sleep, Jungkook sends one last message.
JUNGKOOK: What if we went on a date lolol. Haha jk. Unless?? 👀👀👀
Your thumbs hover over the keys to your phone.
A date with Jungkook? Even though you matched with him, you’ve never thought of a date with your childhood best friend.
YN: alright, it’s only fair since we matched 😝 show me how you treat these tinder ladies
“I have a date with Jungkook tonight,” you tell your brother, Namjoon, over the phone.
Over the crying of your newborn niece, you hear Namjoon splutter in confusion.
“You what!?” He nearly screams. “Jeon Jungkook? Like... the annoying kid you’ve been friends with since fourth grade?”
You huff.
“He’s not annoying! He’s my best friend. We ironically matched on Tinder and… Well, why the fuck not? Nothing serious is going to happen. We’ll go out and have a story to tell about how incompatible we are.”
Namjoon doesn’t reply. Instead, you hear him speak to his husband.
“She’s going on a date with Jungkook,” he says over the muffle of his hand on the receiver.
There’s a shuffle, and the dulcet voice of your brother-in-law, Jimin, comes over the line.
“Girl,” he starts. “What the fuck?”
You chuckle as you move about your closet, trying to decide what’s appropriate to wear on a date with your best friend.
“It’s nothing!”
“Mm-hmm,” Jimin tuts. “You know the boy is in love with you.”
“Okay, Chim, you’ve been spending too much time cooped up with my brother. It’s affecting your grip on reality.”
“Sure, honey. I just tell it like it is. Don’t break his heart.”
You roll your eyes.
“I won’t break his heart because there’s nothing there, Jimin.”
“I’ll be expecting your call later.”
“Yes, dad. Love you guys.”
“We love you too, sweetheart. But really, don’t break that poor boy’s heart.”
You open your mouth to retort yet another reassurance that there’s nothing to break, but the line goes dead.
“Fucking Jimin,” you mutter as you throw your phone to the bed.
You can’t allow yourself to think that Jungkook might have feelings for you. It’s totally out of the questions. He’s your best friend. The guy who shoves Cheetos up his nose to make you laugh and falls asleep during every movie night with his face in the popcorn bowl. He’s just Jungkook. This date is just a funny way to hang out.
So, why do you care so much about what you wear?
You’re still standing in front of your closet, attempting to find something respectable to wear. It doesn’t matter that the last time Jungkook saw you; it was with mascara streaming down your face and a hoodie from Namjoon’s college swimming days and ripped leggings. Jungkook has seen you in nearly everything you wear, so your indecisiveness gives you pause.
Do you want Jungkook to be attracted to you? Do you want to do your best to look as presentable as you would for a normal date?
The thudding of your heart tells you that maybe you’re more interested in this being a date than you’re allowing yourself to believe.
You shake all thoughts off.
No, you won’t allow yourself to overthink a night that should just be fun.
You settle for a fitted and simple summer dress, tights and heels. Simple, easy, respectable but also showing enough cleavage and sculpt of your ass to ensure you look more dressed up than not.
Perfect.
With one last look in the mirror, you’re ready.
JUNGKOOK: I’m outside!
ME: See you soon!
Jungkook taps his foot anxiously as he sits on the bench outside your apartment. His tight black jeans feel like a second skin on his legs, and the black button-down shirt he’s tucked in makes him rethink his choice of outfit.
Is he too casual?
He’s never really worn something like this around you. This is what Jungkook wears when he wants to seduce. This is what every girl he’s desperately wished was you got to see. The girls who swooned over his messy hair, the way his jeans display his toned thighs, the peek of skin at his throat.
Maybe it’s too much.
Maybe he’s afraid he’ll scare you away.
Maybe he’s afraid you won’t like it.
He’s given no chance to ruminate anymore because you’re exiting the building and walking straight towards him.
He doesn’t think he remembers how to breathe.
It’s as if you walk towards him in slow motion. Angels chorus around him and the setting sun sparkles on your face like a spotlight. There’s nothing in the world anymore, nothing but you.
You’re the most beautiful human he’s ever seen in his life.
“Hi,” you smile as you approach him.
He continues to stare, eyes traveling over the soft curves of your cheeks and jaw, trailing down to the way your dress clings just right to each dip of your body. His throat goes dry.
You are without a doubt the girl of his dreams.
“Jungkook?”
It pushes him out of his reverie, eyes widening as he realizes he’s been staring at you for maybe a few minutes too long to play off as normal.
“Hey!” He coughs, attempting to right himself.
“You okay?” You ask, eyebrow lifted in concern.
“Yeah! Yup! Totally! I’m okay—a-okay, absolutely great.” He internally slaps himself.
“You clean up nice,” you smile as your eyes elevate up and down the lean form of his body.
“Oh?” He asks, taken aback.
In his daze, he never even realized what you’re thinking about him, rather only how intensely he was thinking about you.
“This must be the Jungkook that all the girls in college couldn’t stop begging me to hook them up with.”
His cheeks flame with sudden embarrassment, hand moving to the back of his neck to rub it awkwardly.
“Ha, yeah,” he swallows. “You look r-really nice too. I don’t think I’ve seen you in a dress since your brother’s wedding.”
The smile that he’s rewarded with nearly knocks him on his ass. “Thanks! It’s fun to dress up cute again. Jin hated this dress.”
A stab of pain eeks its way into Jungkook’s heart. Seokjin. God, how he hates that man.
“Well, uh, you can wear whatever you want with me!” He assures.
You loop your arm around Jungkook’s, saddling up to his side as you look at him expectantly.
“Well, are we going?”
Jungkook can’t help but smile at the sparkle in your eye, the way you peer up at him with those soft, cherry lips. He wants to capture them with his own, kiss you until you don’t remember Seokjin’s name ever again.
But he resists.
“Let’s go!”
You never thought you’d admit it to yourself. You never even thought it could happen.
But the date is everything you’ve ever wanted, and more.
Jungkook is still Jungkook, still just as silly and easy to talk to as he always is.
But he’s also charming. Flirtatious, even. He holds doors open for you; he rests his hand on the small of your back as he guides you towards your table at dinner. He feeds you bites of his dessert and lets his eyes linger on the way your lips look wrapped around his fork.
Jungkook treats you the way you’ve always wanted to be treated. Like someone he wants to cherish for the rest of your combined lives. Someone he wants to take care of, build a future with, enjoy life with.
And as much as it thrills you, it absolutely frightens you.
It’s when you’re walking down the small river trail together that Jungkook slips his hand into yours and laces your fingers together. The once-steady beat of your heart becomes erratic. He continues chatting—as if holding your hand was a subconscious act for him. He’s knee deep in a story of his Minecraft server when you stop walking, causing him to pause.
“What’s up?” He asks curiously.
Your eyes glitter with anticipation, with fear, as you stare at the gorgeous man before you. He looks like a full course meal in his tight jeans and he makes you feel like a princess. You can suddenly see doing life by his side—no longer his platonic best friend, but as his lover and lifelong partner.
You say nothing. Instead, you simply close the space between you two by grabbing the buttons of his shirt and tugging his lips onto yours.
“Wha—oh, mmmmmm.”
Jungkook is still for a second as he battles the surprise, but jumps into action and cups your face with his hands, deepening the kiss by pushing his tongue past your lips and swirling it around your own.
Your bodies press close together. He can feel your breasts against his chest and he desperately wants to rip the dress off your body and worship you like he’s always wanted to.
As soon as the kiss started, it’s over. You’re pulling away with eyes wide with fear.
“I’m sorry, I—I need to go,” you stammer awkwardly.
Jungkook’s heart drops to his stomach.
“What? We were going to get ice cream?”
You can feel tears building in the corners of your eyes. You’re so confused, so unsure of what you’re feeling. You want to stay and kiss Jungkook until you’re clawing at the clothing on his body, pressing kisses to the firm column of his neck. You want to run far away, too scared to admit it to him you’re sure you could love him for the rest of his life.
You can’t lose that friendship. You can’t risk everything you love about Jungkook. He’ll only hurt you the way every boyfriend ever has.
“I don’t really feel well,” you swallow hard as you lie. Jungkook always knows when you’re lying.
His body stiffens.
“Okay, let me walk you home.”
You shake your head, already moving away from the man.
“It’s fine. We’re nearby. I’ll just run or something.”
He opens his mouth to protest, but you’ve already turned face and started running the direction away from him.
Jungkook watches, misty-eyed, as the girl of his dreams runs further and further away from him.
You’re sobbing as you finally reach home, out of breath and confused. The phone call to Namjoon is quick.
“Yo,” he says cooly as he answers the phone. His tone changes when he hears your whimpering sobs on the other end.
“Joonie,” you whisper. “I fucked up.”
“Oh god,” Namjoon quickly shuffles and calls his husband over, before putting the phone on speaker.
“What’s happened, baby?” Jimin’s sweet voice asks.
“I—I kissed him,” you sob, holding yourself close in the comfort of the elevator.
Namjoon and Jimin look at each other with knowing looks.
“We’re on our way over.”
Jimin knows the first order of business is to stop the crying. He places sleeping baby Jisoo in your arms, which quiets your whimpers enough as you cling to the tiny baby. He knows your weakness is sleeping babies.
Namjoon looks on anxiously, hates seeing his little sister upset and with no way to make it better.
Jimin’s been asked to take the lead on this, because he knows his husband's response is to cry as well—he gets emotional anytime he sees her cry. Namjoon agreed, knowing Jimin was better suited for the conversation.
“Tell us what happened,” Jimin asks quietly. You’re rocking the baby gently, sobs turned to sniffles. “Did something go wrong on the date?”
Your eyes peer up at your brother-in-law’s, a wounded look that makes Jimin feel sad. Namjoon clenches beside him, and Jimin lays a hand on his lap to soothe the protective brother.
“No,” you whisper. “That’s the thing. It was an amazing date.”
Jimin watches you curiously, but remains silent to let you continue.
“We had dinner, and we played arcade games and we walked around. And he was so… fuck, he was perfect. It was like dating the guy of my dreams.”
Jimin nods knowingly.
“And it surprised you how much you liked him.”
“Yeah,” you sniffle. “At the end, he was holding my hand and just talking about normal, stupid Jungkook shit, but this time it felt like more. Like, I felt in my heart that I wanted to be the one he always talked to about it. I wanted to be the one he came home to at night.”
Jimin pats your cheek lovingly, the care for his sister-in-law clear in his gaze.
“You don’t just like him, honey. I think you might even love him.”
You pull baby Jisoo tighter into your grasp and nod, pathetic tears slipping down your face.
“I just left him. Like, I ran away from him like an asshole.”
Namjoon grunts and takes a spot next to Jimin. “If he loves you, which I’m sure he does, he’ll still be waiting for you.”
Jimin nods and rests a hand on his husband's back. “But you better have one hell of an apology.”
Jungkook doesn’t answer your phone calls. He doesn’t respond to your texts, snapchats or Instagram DM’s. He doesn’t even look at the TikToks you sent him! It’s becoming infuriating to get in touch with him.
You take matters into your own hands and storm to his apartment after work, the rising tension in your shoulders and stomach full of rocks an indicator of your anxiety about the future of this relationship.
Jungkook opens the door wearing nothing but a pair of grey sweats. All the carefully crafted words exit your mind at light
speed and you’re left gasping, wide-eyed at the chiseled body of your best friend.
“Can I help you?” He asks, tone flat.
Ouch.
You push past him into the apartment you know so well. “Yeah, you could start by answering your phone.”
Jungkook rolls his eyes and closes the door, then heads back towards the large gaming setup in the living room.
“My apologies for not responding to the girl who literally ran away from me on a date.”
Your cheeks heat uncomfortably as you stand in the center of his living room, arms crossed over your chest.
“Jungkook, listen. I’m—”
“Please,” he shakes his head as he sits down at the impressive gaming chair. “Save the apologies. I get it.”
“You don’t get it!” You say, exasperated. “You don’t get any of it! That’s why I’m here.”
Jungkook narrows a look at you then stands from his chair. Slowly, he makes his way towards you and stands inches from your face. The proximity of his bare, toned chest to your body makes your throat dry.
“No, you don’t get it.” His voice is threateningly quiet, completely different from his usual chipper tone.
“Jungkook, I’m sorry.”
“Sorry for what?” He quirks his head sarcastically, and you’re struck by the sharp lines of his jaw. “Sorry for running away from the date? Sorry for going on a date? Sorry for making me feel like I had a fucking chance when you kissed me?”
You swallow hard and open your mouth to reply, but he cuts you off.
“I’m sorry too. For giving myself way too much hope that this could ever be something. I’m sorry for myself for thinking you’d at least respect me enough to reject me politely.”
“You always had a chance!” You can feel tears building in your eyes and Jungkook feels his heart pound in his chest like a drum.
He scoffs, a harsh and mirthless laugh. “Clearly not.”
“I just—,” you start. “I never saw you like that before and suddenly you became everything I’ve ever dreamed of. It was like getting hit by a train, Kook! Suddenly my best friend turned into the man of my dreams.”
He shakes his head, stepping back away from you.
“I really find it hard to believe you,” he whispers. “I can’t let myself hope.”
“Jungkook, please,” you beg as tears start slipping down your face. “Please believe me.”
“Just leave,” he sighs. “I hate making you cry.”
You want so badly to wrap yourself in his arms, cry into his chest like you always do when you’re hurt. But you stand still, frozen in your shame and embarrassment of hurting your best friend so badly.
“I’m sorry,” you murmur, before you spin around as quickly as you can and leave Jungkook’s apartment in a flurry.
He watches as the door slams behind you, eyes full of sadness and regret. As much as he wants to believe you, have faith in every word you said, he can’t allow himself to get his hopes up again.
He can’t watch you run away from him again.
“Welcome back to Kookie’s Wild Weekly Walkthrough!” Jungkook cheers as enthusiastically as he can through his microphone. “The weekly segment where I react to your Minecraft worlds!”
Jungkook needed to dive back into streaming to take his mind off of you. He hasn’t left his apartment in days, only subsisting on takeout and coffee. At least he was making more money and his subscribers didn’t seem to mind the up-tick in content.
“Tonight I’ll be walking through a creation sent by,” he squints at the username. “‘Kookiesgal95’ Aww that’s cute.”
He readies the content and starts his camera as he watches the YouTube link. His subscribers love his reaction videos—it’s a highly requested segment.
The video starts off easily, a generic Minecraft world that looks like a park.
“Hi Kook.”
The voice that reverberates through his headphones makes him pause the video quickly, wide-eyed with recognition.
It’s you. He’d know that voice from a million others.
Shit. He’s going to have to edit so much of this clip. He’s staring at the screen as if he’s just seen a ghost.
Unsteadily, he clicks play again and watches as you lead him through your Minecraft creation.
“I wanted to recreate something for someone very special in my life.”
Jungkook doesn’t even bother to react to this anymore. This entire video is going to be worthless—there’s nothing he can say.
The video pans around the Minecraft setup and he can see what looks like handmade swings and merry go rounds.
“It took me a really long time to do this and an embarrassing amount of help from some twelve-year-olds on the internet.”
He laughs and is stunned by the wet tears rolling down his cheeks. He hadn’t realized he was crying.
“I re-created a park that is really special to my best friend and I.”
He feels his chest tighten and relax. The park.
“This is the spot where he held me when my dog died when I was nine. I still miss that dog.”
The view is on a spot next to a blocky oak tree. Jungkook remembers that day, remembers your heartbroken sobs as he whispered words of comfort to you. He misses that dog, too.
“This is where he and my brother got in a fight when we were eleven, because my brother called me a stupid-head. My best friend has always been protective of me, even from my own big brother.”
He can still remember pushing Namjoon around after hearing him call you names. He pushed Namjoon over and threatened to use his “big muscles” if he did it again.
The camera pans to an enormous structure, rather sloppily made, of a slide and monkey bars.
“This is where we first shared a joint in high school. I coughed a lung up and he ran down the street to a gas station at ten pm to get me a bottle of water even though I told him I was okay,”
The memory of the bewildered 7-11 employee plays through his mind. The man watched as a very stoned, very out of breath, Jungkook paid for a bottle of water in coins.
The video continues playing, moves towards what appears to be a parking lot made of cobblestone blocks.
“This is where he held me when my world fell apart.”
The break-up. The way you cried and cried and cried in his arms and he held you as if you were the only thing left on Earth.
“This is where he reminded me I’m worthy of love, that I’m not broken. This is where he held me like I was delicate, but treated me like I was unbreakable.”
His tears don’t stop. Jungkook feels his heart thundering in his chest like a summer storm.
He can hear your sniffles through the recording of the video—you were crying too. It pans around to the swing set.
“And this is where I’ll tell him everything, tonight. Where I’ll tell him how deeply I love him and how I want to make him the happiest guy in the world. In all of Minecraft and beyond. I hope he comes.”
Jungkook doesn’t even bother turning his camera off.
Instead, he’s running to change out of his three-day-old clothes and bolt out the door.
The creaky, rusty metal of the swing set is deafeningly loud in the silence of your park.
It’s dark, just a few street lights around to illuminate the perimeter, but it’s otherwise only lit by the moon.
It’s getting cold. You shiver in your hoodie and kick at the dirt under your swing.
Maybe he didn’t see the video. Maybe he wasn’t going to show.
Maybe it was too late.
You spent hours working on the Minecraft world, staying up at all hours of the night to build and craft a poor re-creation of this park. The twelve-year-olds on Reddit had been invaluable and Namjoon definitely made fun of you for your creative assistants. But it had all been worth it.
“Fuck,” you speak out loud to no one, as you try to warm your hands in the pockets of your sweater. “It’s cold.”
“You should have brought a jacket.”
The sudden voice from behind startles you. You hop off the swing and whip around to face down the intruder.
Jungkook.
He looks so good. He’s wearing a thick coat and tight jeans. Your eyes take a delicious journey from head to toe.
He can’t help but preen at your blatant appreciation. He enjoys knowing you’re attracted to him, at least physically.
“You came.”
He nods and takes a nervous step towards you. He’s still far away, more than an arm's-reach away. You’re desperate to bring him closer, to pull him tight against your body and wrap yourself around him. You never want to be without his gentle touch again.
“I felt pretty compelled to come after you made all this in Minecraft for me.” He cracks a wry smile, a boy-ish grin that makes your heart flutter.
“It took me twenty-five hours and some teenagers to help.”
He laughs, a beautiful sound that warms you. “I’m sure they were ecstatic to help.”
You chew at the inside of your cheek, nervous at what he thinks about your in-game confession.
“Did you mean it?” He asks. He steps closer—one more step.
“Every word.”
His eyes are searching yours for the truth, desperately diving into the depths for validity.
“Why did you run away?” Another step.
You swallow hard, heavy tears brimming in your eyes.
“You went from being the silly best friend to being the person I could spend the rest of my life with. It all hit me. It’s always been you.”
One more step and now he’s just within your reach. If you stuck your hand out, your fingers would graze the soft puff of his coat, the delicate skin of his neck.
“I’ve always felt that way about you. I never thought you’d feel the same.”
You smile softly, timidly. “It just took me a little while longer to realize it.”
All at once, Jungkook closes the gap and holds you gently by your cheeks. His thumbs wipe at the moisture under your eyes.
“I promise to never make you cry again,” he whispers reverently.
“And I promise to never run away from you again.”
Jungkook smiles at that, cradling your face like you’re the most expensive and precious jewel.
“Can I kiss you again?” He asks, somewhat unsure of himself.
“I would like it if you would.”
As Jungkook presses his cold, plush lips to your own, you make a promise to yourself to never go a day without kissing him again.
“I can’t believe you’re in my bedroom,” Jungkook murmurs as he kisses at your face. After the park, Jungkook loaded you into his priceless Nissan and scurried home. You could hardly keep your hands off him as he drove you back to his place—reaching and caressing the spots on his body you’re dying to become familiar with.
“I’ve been in your bedroom before,” you remind him as he tugs up the hoodie you’re wearing.
“God, don’t be so semantic when I’m trying to fuck you,” he says before throwing the hoodie to a corner of the room. “You know what I mean.”
Jungkook kisses you again, all lips and teeth and tongue. He kisses you like you’re the last breath of air, and he’s greedy for every bit. He grips your hips, not too tight, and brings your body against his. You can feel him grow in hardness in his too tight, and it feels like bliss.
Teasingly, you grind your hips against his, making him shudder with desire.
“I want you,” he whines as he nibbles at your lip.
“Really? I couldn’t tell.”
He opens his eyes to level a look at you, pulling his mouth away from yours.
“You’re such a little smartass.”
His hands become feverish on your jeans, tugging apart the button and flicking down the fly. He pushes them down quickly, and you kick them off carelessly.
He can’t stop looking at you in your bra and panties, standing at the foot of his bed.
“Holy shit, okay, this is happening, right? Like, this is real?”
You smirk, pleased with Jungkook’s obvious excitement.
“Let me prove it’s not just a dream.”
Softly, you spin Jungkook around and push him down to sit on his bed. He complies easily, eyes wide and excited.
“If this is a dream, would you be able to feel this?” You ask as you unbuckle his belt and open his jeans. He doesn’t reply, simply watches you as you tug his jeans down to his thighs.
His cock strains hard against his tight boxers, and you run a teasing finger over the obvious bulge.
“Oh fuck,” he breathes.
“Feels pretty real, huh?”
“Y-yeah.”
Your delicate hands gently tug at the waistband of his boxers and easily work them down enough to free the length of his cock. It springs out easily and your eyes widen at the impressive size. You assumed he would be at least average, but you’re looking at something definitely more.
“Oh wow,” you whisper. “You’re fucking huge.”
Jungkook grins. “All for you, baby.” The cockiness is palpable.
One solid grip around him wipes the presumptuous smile off his face, replaced with a gasping, shuddering moan.
“How about this? Not a dream?”
He struggles to find his voice, instead he’s gulping for air like a fish out of water.
“That’s what I thought,” you whisper before settling into a position on your knees. “I’ll admit, I’ve dreamt about this too. I always felt so ashamed for dreaming about sucking my best friend's cock.”
You press soft kisses to the head of his length, teasing the sensitive areas at the tip before kissing up and down the length.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck.”
His evident desire for you encourages you, and your tongue swipes at the crown of his tip and swirls around it gently.
“Oh my god.” His eyes shutter closed and you trace the veins in his dick with your tongue.
“This h-has to be a dreeeaaaaam,” he whines as you make an exceptionally long stripe with the flat of your tongue.
You pull off for a moment, humming. He springs his eyes open and watches as you reach behind your back and unsnap your bra. Your breasts escape with a bounce and his eyes widen, nearly bulging out of their sockets.
“What the fuck,” he whines. “You have the most amazing tits.”
He reaches out to grasp them and you slap them away playfully.
“Not yet,” you smirk. “Still trying to convince you you’re not asleep.”
He sucks in his breath and puts his hands back to the bed to steady himself, eyes never leaving yours (except to stare at the luscious curves of your body).
Grasping your breasts in both hands, you smash them together lightly in an elaborate show of what Jungkook wants most. You lean over his body and place the throbbing thickness of his cock in between your tits, allowing him to feel just how soft and warm they are.
“Shit!” He yelps, grabbing his sheets in a tight fist. “Are you really tit-fucking me right now?!”
Slowly, you lift your body up and down, allowing his cock to feel each stroke of your breasts. You nod at his question and continue to pump up and down.
“Still dreaming?”
He whines and shakes his head, already feeling so close to the edge. His cock is slick from your teasing licks and the pressure of your tits surrounding him had his mind spinning with desire.
“Ahhh, I’m so fucking close,” he warns.
You continue, speeding up the friction and pressure of your strokes.
“I want you to cum on me, Kook,” you whisper encouragingly. “Cum on my tits, please?”
Jungkook feels like he’s a wire about to snap, and your thick, sultry voice and incredibly perfect breasts are the snips that breaks him apart.
“Oh, shit,” he grunts. “Gonna paint your titties white, baby.”
His moans echo around the walls of his bedroom, small gasps of pleasure and your name escaping his perfectly plump pout.
His hot load splatters on your chest, and you stroke him through each pulse of his cock. You’re slippery with his seed now, and when you pull away from his spent length, you make a show of rubbing in his cum over your chest.
“Okay, definitely not dreaming,” he says in a daze as he watches you lift a wet finger to your mouth, popping it in to clean it off. “Who knew you were so fucking kinky?”
His confidence grows as he catches his breath. He can’t believe he’s sitting on his bed with you on your knees, breasts covered in his load. You’re suckling the cum off your finger like it’s his cock, and he’s desperate for more.
“There are lots of things you don’t know about me,” you shrug.
Swiftly, he grabs you gently by your bicep and pulls you close, sucking at your lips until you’re both standing.
“I plan to find out everything.”
Suddenly, you’re switching positions and Jungkook is pushing you down into the bed. You lay flat in the center, body relaxed and eager for your best friend.
“What are you doing?” You ask. He’s still standing at the end of the bed, watching you get comfortable. Once he’s satisfied that you’re lying exactly how you want, he settles himself by your feet.
“Worshipping you,” he says as he lifts an ankle and presses gentle kisses to your calf. “Showing you how much I adore you.” More kisses, soft and sweet. “Showing you how I plan on treating you for the rest of your life.”
He takes his time, lavishing your legs with his mouth. He kisses and sucks at any spot, sexual or not. He mouths at the roundness of your knees, your firm hamstrings. He presses his love into the skin of your thighs, mouthing his praises with each kiss.
He reaches the dip of your hips and he gently kisses your exposed skin as he tugs your cotton panties off you.
“I have loved every inch of you since before I can remember,” he praises as his lips skim over the mound of your cunt. “And I don’t plan on stopping soon.”
Your body feels like it’s on fire, as if Jungkook lights a match at every spot his lips press against. Your eyes close, and you allow Jungkook to continue his pious worship of your body.
He teases around your folds, kissing your labia ever so gently—making you gasp. He doesn’t linger long, only kisses you enough to stir the licking flames of heat in your belly.
He kisses at your stomach, gently nibbling and laving at the softness there. You try to hide from him, try to hide your insecurities of your body in his thorough exploration, but he moves your hands.
“I know you don’t like this part of your body,” he murmurs. His voice is so soft, so pure and sincere. “But I do. I love everything about you.”
His tongue swirls around your belly button, making you gasp at the ticklish sensation.
“You’re so pretty. So perfect.”
He continues upwards, lips now trailing to your full breasts. He takes his time there, licking and kissing and flicking at your nipples with his tongue. It feels exhilarating—Jungkook’s mouth feels like everything you want it to feel like. His tongue is warm, and he bites with just enough pressure to make your back arch off the bed into his embrace.
His hands explore, taking stock of every millimeter of skin he can find. He wants to memorize every freckle, every bump, every scar and line. Your body is his paradise, and all he can think of is you, you, you.
One hand travels down your body as he moves his lips up your neck. It snakes down your stomach and deftly slides over your soaked core. You whine as you feel his fingers part your folds and dip into the wetness.
“So wet,” he says out loud, verbalizing every tantalizing detail of your body. “So perfect.”
His lips are finally at your own and you kiss him passionately, tongue swirling around his as he slides his two fingers past your clit and into your drenched hole. You gasp against his mouth, eyes widening as he slowly scissors his fingers into you and pumps slowly. It’s almost teasing, the way he fucks his fingers in you. Slow, firm movements with his powerful hands.
“Jungkook!” You gasp. He doesn’t reply, instead he bites at your lip and tugs, then trails his hot mouth back down to your nipples. He can’t get enough of your breasts and the slightly salty taste of him still lingering.
“You feel so good,” he says as he speeds his fingers up minutely. “So tight and wet for me.”
Your hips writhe in need. He’s giving you what you need, but not enough. You need more, more. You want to feel him, all of him, spearing you open.
“Please, Kook,” you groan. “I need you.”
He laughs softly against your nipple and sucks extra hard, letting it pop out of his mouth audibly.
“And I need you, my love.”
“Fuck me, please.” You’re desperate, thighs quaking from the slow teasing. “I want you to fuck me, Jungkook.”
Chills shudder down Jungkook’s spine and he’s powerless to say no, not when you demand it so well.
“With pleasure,” he agrees. He pulls his fingers from within you and copies your move, sliding them into his mouth to suck your essence off.
He’s never looked sexier. His eyes are dark chocolate pools of burning intensity, and you feel your breath become shaky as you watch him clean his fingers with precision.
After he’s deemed his fingers sufficiently clean, he settles himself between your legs. Easily, he lifts your hips and shoves a pillow underneath, elevating you to a more comfortable position. He grabs your legs and tosses each over his shoulders so they’re higher in the air.
“I’m going to fuck you so good, baby,” he promises as he rubs the tip of his cock on your soppy slit. “Condom?”
You shake your head, appreciative of his question but desperate to feel him completely.
“Birth control. Regularly tested. Haven’t had sex in a while,” you blurt out. “You good?”
He nods in agreement. “Same. Well, except the birth control. But, I’d take it if they made it for men.”
“Jungkook!” You whine. Your best friend is so easily sidetracked. “Please, can you fuck me?”
He grins. “Tsk, someone is impatient.”
A low moan is rumbling in your chest as he continues to rub his thick cock at your entrance.
“I swear to god, you’re the biggest tease.”
“Oh, I’m definitely the biggest.”
Before you can react, he’s pushing past your entrance and sliding deep in your walls. Your position makes his cock feel deep, and he bottoms out and stills there, eyes closed in bliss.
“Holy shit,” he gasps. “This is absolutely the best pussy I’ve ever felt.”
You wiggle your hips as you get used to the sensation of the delicious stretch.
“Please don’t tell me how many pussies you’ve felt when you’re balls deep inside of me.”
Jungkook turns his head and kisses at your legs resting on his shoulders, lavishing them with his praise once more as he keeps his cock buried inside your tight heat.
“Yours is the only one that matters. The only pussy I’ll ever be in for the rest of my life.”
“That’s a good answer,” you smile. “Now, fuck me, lover boy.”
Jungkook winks and grips your hips with his hands. He swiftly pulls out, enamored with the way his cock is already covered in your creamy essence, then eagerly pushes back in. He sets a pace and soon the sound of skin clapping on skin echoes around the room.
“Oh god!” You’re moaning loudly, unabashedly. You’re thankful that Jungkook’s old roommate, Yoongi, moved out to live with his boyfriend Hoseok months ago. He’d definitely complain about the noise for months. “Fuck, Jungkook, you feel so good.”
Jungkook fucks into you with ferocity, speed and power gradually rising as he feels his core tighten with the coming anticipation of release.
“Mmm, you look so fucking sexy like this,” he murmurs. “Getting fucked by your best friend’s fat cock.”
He moves a hand from your hip, trails it up your body to squeeze at your breast, before he’s cupping your face once again. His hips snap against yours and he loves the way your mouth utters little squeaks and gasps with each deep thrust into you.
“God, my beautiful girl,” he groans. “Can’t wait to cum in this pussy, shit, you got me so fucking close.”
You open your mouth desperately and Jungkook easily slips his thumb in. You latch on quickly and suck, tongue swirling around the tip like you’re sucking another cock. It nearly sends him over the edge and the speed of his hips matches his desperate need for more.
“Fucking hell,” he bites back. He can feel his belly tighten, driven further and further to the edge by the constricting wetness of your cunt.
He pulls his thumb out and moves it down to where his cock spears into you, allowing your spit to swirl with his thumb around your clit. Your core tightens around him at the added stimulation and your back arches up in ecstasy.
“I’m so c-close, Kook,” you plead, as if begging for mercy. “Please, I want to cum so bad.”
The speed of his thumb increases, and he watches as your face twists in pleasure and desperation.
“Cum on my cock, baby, let me see you fall apart. Show me what I’ve dreamt of for so long.”
A high and wanton cry ripples out of your body as he savagely increases his speed, both his cock and thumb working overtime to drive you towards your end. The butterflies that erupt in your lower stomach make your moans louder, higher. You’re so close, closer than ever. It’s building to an incredible crescendo.
He can tell you’re close—he sees it on your face as your back arches and your fists grip his sheets.
“You look like a fucking angel, baby,” he whines as he soaks in the vision of you writhing underneath him. “I bet you cum like an angel, too. Let me see it, let me see.”
With just a few more swirls of his thumb and his deep, hard strokes, you’re soaring over the edge into a pool of nothingness. Your cunt pulsates wildly around his length, milking and stroking it with your tight walls. You throw your head back, moaning out his name at the top of his lungs, letting his neighbors know just who fucks you so well.
“Holy shit,” he gasps, hips stuttering as he fucks into your juicy hole. “That was so fucking sexy.”
You grip his forearms, holding onto him tight and encourage him to go harder. “Cum inside me, Kookie, please. I’m all yours, make me yours.”
His heart feels like it might burst in his chest. He’s always wanted you to say it to him, to hand over your love to him like he does so easily to you. It’s all so much, so overwhelming, and the feeling of your hot cunt still fluttering around him sends him reeling into his own completion.
He spills into you, warm seed coating your walls and pooling inside your womb. He fucks himself through each throb of his cock until he’s sure he’s drained every ounce of himself into you.
Your legs slip off his shoulders easily, and he gently pulls himself out of you. He falls beside you, panting with exertion, and wraps an arm around you.
After a few silent moments of catching your breath, Jungkook pulls you in close to him until he can koala-cling to you, arms and legs both wrapped around your body.
“Mine,” he whispers as he kisses your head. “All mine.”
You return the favor, clinging to your best friend—boyfriend—like he’s your only lifeline.
“All yours.”
“So, you’re telling me, you got together because of Minecraft?” Jimin asks, pointing a fork in your direction. It’s been months now since your grand virtual declaration of love for Jungkook. Months of bliss and romance, laughter and companionship.
You were right all along. Jungkook is everything you’ve wanted in a man and more.
You’re sitting at your brother’s expensive dinner table, enjoying a meal with his family with your boyfriend at your side.
“Yeah, Jimin, I guess that’s what I’m saying,” you retort as you roll your eyes. “Minecraft and Tinder.”
Baby Jisoo is awake and in your brother’s arms, but she’s whining and wiggling to leave him.
“What’s wrong, Soo?” Namjoon asks with a pout on his lips. “Why don’t you want daddy anymore?”
Jimin snorts at his husband and you hold out your arms for your baby niece. “Come here, baby, I know you want auntie.”
Namjoon dutifully hands over his daughter, sulking that he’s been picked over for his sister.
You cradle the baby in your arms, expecting her to calm once she’s there, but she continues to fuss. She’s thrusting her arms out and nearly crying, reaching towards Jungkook who’s busy chowing down on Jimin’s homemade ramen.
“I think she wants you, Kook,” you murmur. He looks at you, then to the baby, then back to you, before he wipes his hands and face clean with a napkin.
“Oh, okay,” he whispers, slowly taking the baby from your arms with your help. “Hello, ma’am.”
Namjoon and Jimin laugh. “She’s a baby, Jungkook, not an elderly woman,” your brother teases.
Jungkook doesn’t listen. He’s too busy cooing at the baby in his arms and playing with her tiny hands. Namjoon turns his attention away and looks at you.
“Guess I won’t be the only provider of grandchildren for much longer.”
You playfully glare at him and turn away to watch your boyfriend. Watching Jungkook interact with your niece makes your heart swell, your soul sing. He’d be a perfect father.
“I swear, if he teaches her how to play Minecraft, he’s banned from the household,” Jimin grumbles. “This is a No-Nerd-Zone.”
Jungkook cradles the child and rocks back and forth, singing her a soft, made-up song, before he looks over at you.
“Hey, I want one of these,” he smiles. “Can we have one?”
You lay a hand on your stomach, a soft bump not quite visible yet. It’s only been one test, the lines faintly indicating ‘positive’ on the stick. You wanted to make sure, get confirmation before you spill the beans.
“Sure, Kookie.”
He grins and leans over to kiss you, before turning his attention back to the baby. “Okay, Jisoo, now let me tell you all about the Endermen.”
Jimin groans. “Oh my god, do not give Minecraft facts to my infant!”
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© ppersonna - 2021 - do not repost on any site, or translate without express permission from author.
#bts smut#jungkook smut#bts fic#jeon jungkook smut#jungkook#ficswithluv#jjk smut#bts fics#jjk fic#jungkook fic
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Good Day!
As I told earlier, I finished my Soap x Reader Fic and yeah here it is.
I suck at titles and that shows.
Midnight Coffee Rush
John MacTavish x Female Reader
Warnings : Smut. Read at your own Risk or whatever.
Cross-posting to AO3 later 😳
THUD!
You softly slam your head on the desk as you stare blankly at the blinking cursor on your laptop. An article is due next week and you haven't really started on anything yet. Your editor keeps on calling you earlier today on how she can't work on last minute submissions. You assured her that yours won't need that much editing and she trusts you with that, but still, a deadlines a deadline.
Scanning your empty apartment room for ideas, you decide it's best if you take this ordeal outside and look for open places to work on. Coincidentally, the local café "John's brew" happens to open for 24 hours starting today. You feel uneasy at the name of the shop but that won't stop you from your goals today.
After a chilly midnight walk across the streets of your city, you finally make it to the shop, it looks like it can compete with the local Starbucks as its outer layout gives off the same vibe.
You push open the glass doors and the bell chimes from above you, this made the barista at the counter turn his head and greet you with a friendly smile. "Welcome to John's Brew!"
You stand just across the counter as you look up to view what the store has to offer while the barista waits patiently for your order. You order some fancy named coffee, wanting to try out why it has a star next to it's name as the barista, who now you know goes by the name "Gary" based on his name tag, explains that it's their best selling and unique blend coffee. He then passionately tells you how the coffee you chose is created by the owner of the shop and judging by the tone of his voice, he's excited for you to try it for the first time.
"Thanks Gary, here's my card." you reach out for your card and he cheerfully accepts it.
"What name should this go by, Ms. L/N?" he asks readying his marker.
"Just Y/N." you say. Gary raises his eyebrows in confusion.
"Sorry, I'm sure I heard that name somewhere." he dismisses his thoughts and writes your name on the cup.
"We'll you're a barista, I'm sure you've heard a lot of names in your line of work." you jokingly reply. It made him laugh as he gives your card back and you make your way to the corner of the room.
The music is soothing and the ambience is more than enough to keep you going, you pull out your laptop as you start typing ideas for your article.
Gary took the liberty of delivering you your drink saying "You looked very focused" and "There isn't that much customers anyway" and you smiled at the service he's done. He stays for a while insisting that he wants to witness your initial reaction as soon as you taste the coffee. So you slowly blow off the heat and took your first sip.
Your eyebrows raised and your cheeks blushed as the warm beverage tickles your tastebuds a wave of nostalgia brings shivers down your spine.
***
"So, what do you think of this?" A shirtless man with a signature mohawk and scar on his left eye approaches you just as you get up of bed. You remember smiling at the view, his deep blue eyes pierce through yours as he excitedly offers a cup of coffee he claims to mix himself.
"Mmm! This tastes, well... something even I can't describe! It's good? delicious? heavenly maybe?" You giggle as he inches closer to you crawling up the bed and reaching on your face for a kiss, blindly reaching for the cup and putting in on the bedside table.
"Not even the words from your thesaurus can't describe?" He whispers as he pulls the kiss away, eyebrows wiggling. Your heart melts at the sight of him.
"I'll tell you the perfect word when I find it." You giggle as you reach for his face and pull him to yours, as he softly crashes his body on you, rolling around the bed.
***
"Maam?" Gary taps your shoulder and you immediately flinch and turn to him.
"I'm sorry." you laugh nervously.
"It felt like you had a good time going on with that drink. We're having a contest as to which word best describes it. If you want to submit your word, I'll leave this pen and sticky note on your table." he cheerfully explains as the door chimes, making him rush back to his counter.
Shit. You thought to yourself. Of course it had to taste the same, even the name of the shop checks out. Your heart starts to thump louder and louder as you put the pieces together, you convince yourself it's just the coffee, but then again the evidences never lie. John's Brew, that exact taste, no word yet to describe it.
You flinched as you turn to the heavy door slam to your left, just by the counter. A man, walks out of it wearing a very fit long sleeve tucked into business pants, you assume it's the manager. Then again, you see him scratching his head, which happens to have a rather unique haircut. A mohawk. Holy Shit.
***
'Congratulations Ms. Y/N L/N! You have been accepted on the writer program. Please report tomorrow for your orientation.'
The text read just as you wake up. Your face lit up in excitement as you squealed like a kid. Your life would change for the better.
A very wet John MacTavish popped out of the bathroom, his face was full of worry as he quickly wrapped himself with a towel.
"What's wrong?! Something out to get ya?" He asked, a bar of soap on is arms ready to throw to the intruder.
"I just got accepted!" you squealed excitedly at him, hugged him thight not minding how wet he was. He slowly wrapped his arms around you and you felt that you're the only one excited about this news.
"Congrats. But what about your life here? What about me?" he muttered, his facial expressions dropped.
"I'm sure we'll work it out? It isn't that far, right?"
"I'm sure we'll work it out"
"Not now John, I have articles due."
"I'm too exhausted for today, John"
"I'm sorry. I fell asleep."
***
The loud growl of your stomach shocked you back to reality. Come to think of it, it's already 2 in the morning and you're almost through with your article. A muffin won't be that much of a distraction. You turn to the counter and see John catering to a lady on a bright red dress. She probably came from a club and now trying to sober up with a coffee. You pretend to type on your keyboard but secretly view the event from the corner of your eye. They are laughing and he escorted her as she is walking tipsily to the sofa. They exchange some words you barely make out and can't help but feel rage bubbling inside you. But then again, you don't have the slightest audacity to do so. You slowly ignored him while focusing on your job. You left his messages on read and calls on voicemail. You feel guilt rushing through you. Out of impulsive emotions, you quickly decide to finish the article home as you grab your laptop and coffee and rush to the exit.
"Ma'am! You left your sticky note." John's voice echoes across the shop. This made the few notable customers look at the both of us in curiosity.
You slowly turn back to him leaning on the counter, his elbows resting on the counter looking at you, he knows what he's up to. You remember telling him to stop flexing his biceps in front of you in public. It's kind of an inside joke for the two of you and he seems to remember it all too well.
"Your word. For the contest." he points out to the bulletin board of sticky notes on the other side of the hall.
"I... can't think of anything yet..." you stammer as you exit the door, walking as fast as you can away from him.
"Y/N, wait!" he quickly grabs your arm. You almost expect that he'd do this even after all those times.
"John I-" you quicky turn to him, hot tears start forming on your eyes as he pulls you close to his warm embrace.
"Yeah. You've been very busy... I know." He mutters as you sniffle on his chest, smelling his musk that never changed even after all these months.
"Congratulations on your most recent award, you know. Article of the month, and the month before that and that one time you wrote about the wildlife in Africa..." he trails off while rubbing your back as more tears fell from your eyes. He'd been watching your career grow, even after all this time. It somehow feels you don't deserve him. And you believe you really don't.
Pulling away, you looked at him with a smile.
"I'm sorry..." you croak.
"Why are you sorry, Y/N? You met someone else out there?" he asks. Then again, you both didn't really have a proper conclusion to your relationship. You initially felt like you were slowly drifting away from each other as your careers grew, but here he is, having the same sparkle in his eyes as when you last saw each other.
"No... but, it's been very long and I have been ignoring you... breaking my promi-" He suddenly pulls you close and kisses your lips, you deny him at first but you slowly grip his arms and let him have access to your mouth.
Longing is the only feeling you both feel right now as you slowly kiss back and respond to his mouth. His kiss gives you assurance that even after all this time he yearns for you to come back, his assurance that you did what you had to do to get where you are now even at the cost of completely shutting him out. But of course you weren't, you also long for him every single day, but life has to keep going, and you believed that he'd found someone else after all those times. But this moment made you feel wrong about him, and it's now your chance to get things right between the two of you.
"You know, I always assumed you're still my girlfriend." he smirks. He is true though, there was neither a formal nor informal break up effort on both sides, just indifference due to many reasons.
"Well, I assumed you looked for someone else... and I'm to shy to ask how things have been..." you croak, trying not to cry again. You realize your stupidity once more, but he wipes off your tear with his thumb and lifts your chin up to look at him.
"You still owe me a word, you know." he jokes as he walks you back to the cafe, arm wrapped around your shoulder. As soon as you both enter the door, Gary greets his boss while mopping the floor.
"You were right boss, she is pretty!" The barista smiles and gives John a thumbs up to which he replies,
"Guess I'll be back in my office doing paperwork, Gary. You take charge here okay?"
"Yes, Captain!" he jokingly salutes and continues his work.
"You done with that article?" he asks, a tone of concern in his voice.
"Almost.." you reply shyly. You still can't digest everything that happened so far, but your heart keeps on thumping and your mind's been trying to scream something to you.
"You know, I could use some company while I do some paperwork..." the trails off, the tone in his voice shifted into something you felt excited about. Something along those words mixed with that accent sends flutters across your insides.
"If you'd want me to..." you reply as he opens his office door letting you in. It was a small office a sofa just beside the door, two chairs infront of a large office desk filled with scattered papers, ledgers and journals. He quickly folds his laptop and puts it in his bag as you take off your coat, admiring the view. Plaques, certificates and awards plaster across the walls, along with pictures of his staff calendar schedules and some other things scribbled across the whiteboard. He offers his hand and you give him your coat, only to be pinned to the door.
"God, I missed you so fucking much." He breathes as you stare at his cold blue eyes blazing with desire, you know full well where this is going and you have no objections. You wished for this to happen as soon as your plane touched the city.
Unable to form any words, you quickly pucker your lips, signaling him to move closer and kiss you. Now that you're both alone, his kisses felt much more intimate, needier and his tongue explored every possible area he could. You hear the door lock itself and his hand slowly caresses your ass through the tight jeans you're wearing, pressing himself so you could feel the tension growing beneath his slacks. You slowly slide your hand through it and earned yourself a chuckle from him, as he moves his lips below your ear and around your neck, hearing each smack of his lip and sniff of his nose.
You let out a soft moan as you feel overwhelmed on what he does to your body, you couldn't focus on what's going on, your hands rubbing his hard crotch, his hands softly caressing your ass or his mouth doing wonders around your neck. He continues to do this until your pants and whines become erratic and fast and stops just at the right time for you to catch your breath.
You open your eyes to him, who seems to be enjoying your reunion, a sexy smirk across his face. You let out a smile whist still panting, and he seems to like what he sees, letting a soft chuckle.
"I remember that look on you. You're up to something.." He recalls as you push him to the sofa to his side, straddling on his crotch as you unbutton his long sleeves.
He grunts as soon as he plops on the sofa and groans as soon as you slowly wiggle your ass on top of him. You could clearly see the building frustration in his face as well as in his jeans.
You quickly undone seven buttons as he quickly tosses it somewhere and viewed his muscular physique as you sit on him. He became hairier and you find it very sexy, trailing your hand down his body, all while staring at him as seductive as you can. He smiles at the gesture as you slowly unbutton your shirt, never breaking eye contact, until he can't resist anymore and got up from the sofa. He lifts you down and you stand on the floor as he works your way to slide off your jeans. He quickly buried his face on your pussy as soon as he sees it and devours it like a hungry wolf. He never dissappoints as the feeling made you shudder, grabbing onto what's left of his hair in excitement. This goes on up until you softly pull his head out and move to unbuckle his belt, sliding his slacks all the way down as his cock springs free as soon as you take his boxers off.
You stare at him as you slowly jerk your hand around his cock, his eyes almost in a trance, as you teasingly kiss the tip, which was slowly oozing of precum. He grabs your hair and tucks it behind your ear as you slowly swallow his cock, giving him a blowjob that you've always imagined of giving him when you meet again. You're tongue slowly swirling around his length, feeling every vein and skin around it. You countinued mixing it up with your hand and mouth until he groans in anticipation and pulls you out of him.
He slowly gets up and shoves all his paperwork away from his desk and carries you to it, spreading your legs as he slowly pushes his tip on your opening.
You whimper at the first entrance, it felt different than usual, maybe because it's been quite a while since you to have done it, but that didn't stop the both of you from continuing. His eyes mesmerize you as he slowly picks up his rhythm, you can see his chest muscles bounce as he thrusts himself deep in you. He slowly rubs the upper area of your pussy as he thrusts, giving you a sensation that makes you wanna scream in pleasure. But given the circumstances, you only let out small gasps and whimpers. However, his grunts and moans are also getting louder, so you decide to let loose and follow his volume.
"Fuck." You whimper as he continues his fast pace as evidenced by the loud slapping noises. He quickly flips you to the desk and continues to fuck you from behind. Each thrust felt like the desk is inching closer to the wall, you didn't protest as you loved the sensation, how your walls clench as his warm cock slides in and out of you. You feel his motions change and you know full well what that means, you moan softly signaling him thay you're also almost there as he makes his final thrusts and shoots his warm load inside you, feeling the rush of his cum drip as he pulls his cock out.
He pulls you up and reaches for a kiss, a long yet intimate one as you both use the language of kiss to assure that you'll still be the same way no matter how distant it may be.
"See you after my shift?" he murmurs as he puts on his clothes, now all wrinkly and messy.
"Yes." you smile reaching for another kiss.
After preparing to go home, you quickly grab a pen and wrote the word you describe the drink, plaster it on the board and make your way out of the café.
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I am a hard Taekook shipper but recently Jikook have been melting my heart by being so cute and cudly and loving. I understand and i am sorry for so mhch hate from Taekookers but trust me Taekookers are a bit shaken right now. I cannot disclose my name here but i would like to say if Jikook is real or they decide to come out which i higly doubt then i am 100% in support and also ur page helped me open my eyes and see a diff sude of shipping which is needed alot more. I am Loving Love ryt now.
C'est la vie!
So sorry for the late response love. You've always been on my mind.
I get not every Taekooker is wild and rabid just as not every Joker is sane and fake woke. Lol.
I mean I'm still holding on to my grudge against your people for storming my business pages and leaving shit reviews on my books- and laughing about it? What was that? Damn. Had to change my author name and everything and I've since been publishing under an alias- let me tell you, it's no fun at all.
In retrospect, I shouldn't have called y'all's ship dead- but honestly it dead, it dried up like a drop of sweat on a dessert. What can I say? People just don't want the truth, lol- had these angry thirteen year olds and fake woke Jokers coming for my ass and my business ass on the flamingo app. Chilee. Your people don't want to be civil. Sigh.
Some people just have no sense of personal responsibility and when they get called out for it they slap you with the whole, 'no one asked you to put yourself and your business out there' - this creepy behavior and mental adroitness is not far from rapists blaming girls for wearing short shorts and mini skirts or thieves blaming people for not putting up a fence and shit to protect their property. It's fucked up.
And don't get me started on what they do to Jimin or JK... or even Tae- not to make you feel bad or anything. It's just my people suck, your people suck, we all suck square- don't apologize for it unless you plan on doing something to change it?
As for Taekook, yea I don't think there is anything wrong with shipping them. They have a beautiful bond, they are both visuals and both funny as hell. If you won't ship them I will. Lol.
Just know the reason you are shipping them? If you are shipping them because you genuinely believe they are a couple too then you need to stop shipping them and start supporting them?
And once you start supporting them then I think you'd sooner realize there isn't anything there to support in the first place. Lol.
I support Jikook because I believe with my full chest they are real and are closeted- emphasis on closeted. And for the record, they are the only queer couples in BTS.
Tae lost his queer card when he accidentally outed Jimin on that radio show. 'I think he likes men' yea, straight up het behavior. Lack of homo sensitivity.
Did you see JK's reaction when JM was asked to spill tea on their pervy behaviors behind cams? My butt quivered. Chilee, I thought he was gone out JK too. Damn.
I think the word real and closeted have come loose and cheap on these streets these days. I don't think most of these shippers when they throw it around fully understand the term or realise what it means and what it takes. If they did, they wouldn't randomly be labeling every ship as 'real' within the fandom.
If you believe Taekook is real and that they are equally hiding their sexuality as well as their relationship within the group, then you should understand how severe and traumatizing this fact is and would be for them as gay men?
The thing is, they are not just hiding parts of themselves and their identity for the sake of their careers or military or whatever if they are real, they are lying to millions, millions of people at a time about who they really are by keeping their identity a secret. Secrets are lies honey, however way we want to see it.
If they are real then they are concealing their true identity away from not just their families and friends- if they haven't come out to them, but acquaintances from work, businesses who wouldn't work with them otherwise, brands, sponsors, Heads of states, their fans....
It's one thing for a heterosexual to keep their heterosexual relationship a secret, it's another for a queer person to keep their queerness and or queer relationship a secret.
A lie as heavy as this is bound to take a toll on them, no matter how good they are at hiding it. A secret gets heavy before it gets easy. Not to sell you on anything but do you see any such secret taking a toll on Taekook? Because I see it taking a toll on Jikook.
Do you believe Taekook are closeted? Because I believe Jikook are.
Being closeted means they have to carry the guilt of knowing that each time they pander to heteronormative roles in variety shows or interviews, or imply by omissions that they are straight, or make generalizing statements about their sexuality to avoid addressing their sexuality directly or give it away, that they are lying to people and spewing half truths- seven years in a roll.
Being closeted is not a joke. It's heavy. I think you need to grasp this before you claim it for anyone.
People like to throw the 'closeted' phrase around willy nilly but fail to comprehend its weight and complexity and consequences especially for people that they believe are actually queer.
It's not easy lying to people about who you are. Unless you are a pathological liar and a psychopath, it's like drowning each day you wake up. You die a little each time. Your sexuality is a huge part of your identity and when you deny it for so long by lying and suppressing it, it's like shutting out a peice of yourself and silencing your own voice. The more you push it aside the louder it screams and the harder it fights to come out.
It's a state of constant internal struggle. You wake up everyday contemplating whether to risk the perfect life you've spent years building just so you can turn off the guilt that comes with keeping a secret of this nature.
And each time you get better at omitting or generalizing and evading questions that hint at your truth, the more you hate yourself and the more guilt you feel. This guilt can become a driving force that pushes you to make risky moves and take impulsive actions such as 'borderline outing your relationship'- does that sound like Taekook to you?
If you are not driven by the love you feel for your partner, you are driven by the guilt and neither is a great place to be if you are queer.
You lie everyday, you get caught up in the lies and soon you start believing in the web of lies you've woven around yourself such that you don't even recognize who you are or why you are, anymore. As such, you are constantly searching for yourself, to reconcile the bits you've hidden away and perhaps forgotten, and you keep exploring your identity because you are unsettled- honey, that sounds more like Jikook than Taekook to me but c'est la vie.
Being closeted is not about moments that get cut by editors, or less interactions, or being seperated or seated further apart from eachother. These are just ship street parlance. Being closeted is an attitudinal, internal attribute rather than external manipulations or influences- it's a science. Lol
Coming out may be risky for any of these boys if they are real, but I promise you hiding is much harder for them.
And so When I look at Taekook, and I see how beautiful they are yet I don't in God's honest truth see them 'dealing' with any or all of these struggles Jikook deal with or have dealt with at one point, in my opinion- forget the homophobia, the wanting to come out, the low key microaggressions they deal with even within the group- 'the Jk never stops crying,' 'the real men don't do this and that talk' talk, the toxic masculinity and internalized homophobia traits JK and Jimin used to exhibit in their early days talking about 'real men don't twerk,' 'real men don't wear rings on their pinky'- all the times Jimin have had to defend his masculinity or even femininity, or stand up for Kook's within the group. 'Men, men, men. What is men?'
Jikook are the only two within the group that in my opinion have struggled most with their identity, with embracing aspects of themselves; you hear them complain about 'living a lie' 'tired of hiding, lying' and all these are themes consistent with closet behavior that they've both explored in one way or the other and even as of 2020 they are still dealing with or 'exploring' their identities perhaps as a means to reconcile their true selves? I'm really struggling with this post because I don't wanna get salesy on your ass. Lol.
Don't get me wrong, Tae struggles and deals with issues too- mostly with loneliness, lowkey depression in my opinion, lowkey bullying- sometimes, lol and he often expresses a desire to find someone and be happy and yet 'his supporters' don't recognize that...
You can wait till Jikook come out officially as queer, if they ever chose to, to support them- Or you can choose to support them and love them now because that's what they need in order to officially come out as and when they choose to? Ok I'm being salesy. Lmho. I'll stop. Don't mind me. But think about it.
Ship whatever ship you want but support Jikook. It's all I'm asking. And by support, I mean don't exhibit any anti homosexual attitude towards them- deadass. You and I gone fight, square up toe to toe, if you do. Lol.
People don't need to be afraid of Jikook. They just need to treat them as human beings and not reduce them to a mere ship. They are a ship too yes, but they are more than that if you ask me.
You sound nice. I love you. I'm glad you enjoy my posts. Merry Christmas and cheers to our ships.
Keep supporting Jikook. Jikook is real.
Signed,
GOLDY
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Hope you have some XP in this area dear Jen. When an author uses a pro editor/beta reader for their MS and query materials, is it normal for the feedback to be mostly negative? I.e. pointing out all the areas that need work, what needs to change, what is wrong etc.? It feels like my work doesn't have a chance. I would imagine the feedback would need to be like, wow, this is great, just change this and that little thing, to know you really have something solid. If they dont say great, is it not?
Every editor or beta reader or whatever would do things in their own way. One would hope that they would have enough bedside manner to ALSO say kind words about the book, because otherwise that's kinda demoralizing. Like, typically people who give feedback do the "sandwich" method -- kind words, then what they think needs work, then kind words again -- which to me, is much nicer than just being like "THIS SUCKS, and THIS SUCKS, and THIS SUCKS, BYE"
But at the end of the day -- you ARE presumably sending it to them hoping that they WILL give you things that need improvement, no? Like, if you think the book is already perfect, why are you bothering to hire or enlist somebody to help edit it?
I can promise you that when you get your edit letter from a publisher, it will probably be very long and include LOTS of things to change. (And lots of nice stuff, too). Pretty much all books get edited after they are sold, and it is very rare that any editor would just be like "okeydoke, looks good, let's print it as is!" -- and those are all solid books that got bought. SO clearly, those books weren't "perfect" -- and they still are getting bought and published.
All of that said - if you are asking for feedback from somebody (professional editor, beta reader, etc) -- you can also say something like, "I'd really like to know what IS working well!" or, "I'm wondering if XYZ theme (or whatever) is coming through", or "I specifically want to know about voice - does this voice sound authentic?" or "I really want to focus on the marketability here - do you think this book has what it takes to get published and is on target for its intended audience?" or whatever, so that you are getting more focused reads. And if you just want somebody to read it and be nice about it -- get a random friend to read it and tell them you just want moral support!
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FANDOM: Katekyo Hitman Reborn!
EVENT: Flufftober 2020
PROMPT: Cuddling
AUTHOR: @hopeswriting
RATING: G
PAIRING: Adult!Lal & Adult!Fon
SUMMARY:
Lal comes home after yet another unsuccessful meeting with an agent. [Modern!AU]
Tag warning: Self depreciating language, Non serious wish of self harm (Lal is just being dramatic)
WORDS: 582 (BONUS: 1413)
*
Lal doesn’t slam the door closed behind her. She doesn’t throw her bag nor her coat down the leaving room, and doesn’t kick away her shoes after removing them like they’re soccer balls.
She closes the door and collapses on the previously-blanketed-and-pillowed-by-Fon floor, half in the entryway, half in the living room, still fully clothed.
Fon sends a “Quicksand Lal” text to the others to let them know they can’t come in right now.
At least her eyes weren’t red-rimmed, and she didn’t look about to burst into tears.
“I’m the one mistake god kept in this world to remind themself to never commit such an atrocity again.”
Fon winces. Well then, now he would just have to find the name of this last agent, editor, whoever, so they can have a little chat.
Did they have to make her leave their meeting in such a state every time?
He thinks the fuck not.
“You’re my very favorite person on earth, and I simply would have had to fist fight god to make you if he didn’t already do it.” Fon lies down too in the other direction, his head at the same level as Lal’s. “I would have won too, by the way.”
Lal huffs a laugh, sad and weak. She hides her face with her hood, closer to tears than Fon first thought.
“Why do I even keep trying?”
“Because it’s who you are. You never let the world put you down for long, and you’re not about to start now. I won’t let you.”
“Why fucking bother?” She kicks the bag at her feet, sends it flying against the wall. “How hard can it be to write a decent book? I’m just incompetent.”
Fon gently removes the hood and the hair out of her face. He brings her close, and lies on his back so she can rest her head on his chest.
“It’s very hard. But you’ll work on it again and make it better.”
“If you truly have any ounce of love for me at all, you’d snap my neck right now and spare me the humiliation of my existence.”
“You’ll work on it again as many times as you need, until every one else recognize its worth.”
“If you truly care for me, you’d burn to the ground any traces of my writing you could find.”
“And then we could make the round of all these agents who refused you, and throw a copy of your published book in their face.” Fon weaves his fingers through her hair, scratches her scalp. He peers down at her. “Wouldn’t that be nice?”
Lal glances at him briefly, and grows more of a dead weight on him. “You don’t even like my book.”
“I don’t like any books. I’m illiterate, remember? Words pretty to look at, hard to read.”
Lal snickers, something brief but genuine, and flicks him blindly somewhere along his jawline. She crawls on her knees to drape herself over him like some heavy, comfort-seeking blanket.
Fon wraps his arms around her and holds her tight, stroking her back in a soothing manner.
“Hey?” he says softly. She hums. “There’s people out there waiting to have their whole life changed by your book, so I better see you working on it.”
Lal nuzzles his neck. “Deal.”
“I brought ice-cream too. Chocolate and hazelnuts flavored.”
Lal sighs dreamily. “You’re the only man I’ll ever lie my life down for. Marry me.”
Fon chuckles. “Well, don’t go tell Colonnello that.”
*
BONUS:
Okay buckle up because I have thoughts for this verse.
This is a Civilians!Arco, Roommates!Arco, Polyamory!Arco, Slice of Life, Adulting Wrong, Modern AU.
But let's just go with the Arcobaleno Adulting Wrong AU lol.
(And I say civilians as in, their flames are dormant, but they could become active at literally any given moment, because I think it has the potential to be funny but I just didn’t figure out how yet.)
------
Lal and Fon meets in high school. Fon is the new foreign student in her class, and she’s asked to be the person he can turn to if he needs help.
They become best friends, stick together from then on, through high school and college, and decide they’ll live together.
They find themselves a nice two rooms apartment, but it turns out quickly it’s too nice for them.
So they send the word they're looking for a roommate.
------
Reborn and Colonnello are childhoods best friends. They stick together until high school, then go their separate way after that.
(They do stay in contact though, even if it’s nothing significant at all.)
Reborn majors in Math and minors in Social Studies, and comes out of college as its best student ever without breaking a sweat.
He opens a coffee shop, and finds a studio within his budget, and everything is fine.
Except nothing is fine because Reborn can live in nothing else but at least above average comfort, and his studio definitely does not qualify.
Until his business gets popular and he gets rich, he figures he can bear living with someone else in the meantime.
He finds Lal’s and Fon’s add, but the part he’s supposed to pay still doesn’t quite fit in his budget.
He calls Colonnello.
------
Colonnello is a rich boy. He doesn’t live with his parents anymore, but still absolutely depends on them financially.
They’re the one paying his nice apartment while he’s going through college. He majors in International Business while being the college star basketball athlete.
Here’s the thing though, Colonnello couldn’t care less about it all. He’s doing it because that’s what he’s expected to do.
(Well, he does like baseball, and sports in general, but he doesn’t want to make that for a living.)
But here’s the other thing, Colonnello doesn’t know what the hell he wants to do with his life.
He’d love to step out of the path decided for him to his own path—that’s the only thing he wants actually—, but he literally never knew anything else?
He only ever had to conform to others’ expectations of him, so he kind of comes empty when he tries to think of the alternative.
Somehow he comes to the conclusion serving in the army is what will give him answers.
But then Reborn calls, and he figures becoming independent of his parent’s money is maybe a more reasonable first step to take.
He becomes Reborn’s business partner, and moves in with him with Lal and Fon.
------
Skull hates school. He’s good at school, but he can’t believe he has to legally waste so much time of his life in there.
His parents are adamant he makes it all the way through college, so he makes a deal they won’t be allowed to tell him ever again how to live his life once he does.
He majors in Communication, Social Media and Web Marketing, minors in Sustainable Fashion Design, and then spends every walking living second of his life working to become a pro dancer and nothing else.
Except he still needs a roof above his head, but doesn’t want it to be a too big responsibility on his shoulders, so he looks for roommates.
He finds Lal’s and Fon’s add, but they already have Reborn and Colonnello, but even with the four of them the rent proves to be too pricey still, so they let Skull sleeps in the living room while they look for a new apartment.
They find a nice, four bedrooms apartment, of someone looking for roommates, and thankfully they don’t mind there are five of them.
Skull becomes Reborn’s and Colonnello’s business partner, takes care specifically and only of marketing them on social media, and points out that maybe they’d want to hire some employees for the shop.
------
Verde is the one living in the four room apartment, looking for roommates.
Verde is still a genius in this, and his parents were genius of their own, and they’re dead now but they left him loaded with money.
That’s how he pays the apartment, and everything else in his life, because he lives as a literal hermit and certainly does not have a job.
He never had a job in his whole life actually, and he’s fine with it.
Here’s the thing though, he’s terrible with money. And yeah his parents were geniuses, but the average kind of geniuses, and he’s starting to run kind of low in terms of money.
So he looks for roommates to buy himself as much time as he can.
And he sucks it up when he sees what kind of roommates exactly he summoned in his life lol.
------
Viper is… fucking tired of living in a Society, actually. Did they fucking ask? They fucking didn’t.
They make it until high school and straight up refuse to go to college, no matter what their parents say.
But, yes, they suppose they have to do something with their life. Yes, they’re working on it, they are, they swear.
It’s their 24th birthday, and their parents tell him if by next year they didn’t get their shit together, they’ll have no choice but to kick him out.
Viper immediately tweets this injustice, because, you see, they’re an influencer.
“Influencer.”
It started with them live blogging their whole life with a heavy dose of complaints and dark humor and cynicism, and somehow they made it popular.
And then companies started reaching out to them and, well, they weren’t about to say no to some money.
I wouldn’t say they’re liked though.
Popular? Yes. Liked? Let’s not go that far lmao. Make people talk about them and distract them from their own life? Absolutely.
Viper would die within the first 30 minutes of living in the streets, so they look for a part-time job to try to soothe their parents.
They become cashier at the coffee shop.
Except it doesn’t soothe their parents at all, so when they meet the deadline, they just move in with the others Arcobaleno.
------
Luce is… I’m still hesitating for Luce.
She can be their neighbor, and the only one among them who actually has her life together and under control and going exactly as she wants it to go.
And they kind of secretly hates her because of it, but the spite helps them try harder to get their shit together.
On the other hand she’s genuinely very supportive of them, which not many people in their life are—if any—, because she believes in the beauty and strength and bravery of pursuing your dreams no matter what, and they love her so much for it.
Also she indulges and encourages every last one of their bad decisions, which undoubtedly makes everything worse, but everyone is happy not to point it out.
OR she can be just like them, doing what is essentially procrastinating into adulthood.
I think both have the potential to be funny, but let’s go with the second one for consistency’s sake.
------
Luce has a whole thriving enterprise to inherit from her parents, but no, thank you very much, she wants to make her own mark in the world.
She majors in European & International Business, minors in Entrepreneurship & Innovation, and sets out to make her own mark in the world.
She works in her parent’s enterprise in the meantime, but only because she’ll need money to make her own mark in the world, and also, you know, to live until she makes her own mark in the world.
Which is absolutely a work in progress, she’s working on that right now. Making her own mark in the world.
Luce doesn’t have any fucking clue what she wants her own mark in the world to be. Or more like, she wants to do so many things!
When she talks to Colonnello about saving money so she can try to do as many things as she needs to, he tells her about how they totally could use another roommate to pay their bills.
She becomes a server at the coffee shop.
*
Okay so I do have more thoughts for this verse, but it’s going to be too long if I write them all at once lol. Here’s part 2!
Thank you for reading! Any and all review are appreciated ^^.
#katekyo hitman reborn#khr#khr fanfic#flufftober 2020#khr fon#khr lal#cuddling#lal & fon#khr aaw au#this verse is really fun to think about!#can't wait to share what else i came up with with you guys#also i have no clue if you actually meet the agents;editors;whoever in person?#oh well lol#arcobaleno adulting wrong au#mine
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Media Twitter does not hate Substack because it’s pretending to be a platform when it’s a publisher; they don’t hate it because it’s filled with anti-woke white guys; they don’t hate it because of harassment or any such thing. I don’t think they really hate it at all. Substack is a small and ultimately not-very-relevant outpost in a vastly larger industry; they may not like it but it’s not important enough for them to hate it. What do they hate? They hate where their industry is and they hate where they are within their industry. But that’s a big problem that they don’t feel like they can solve. If you feel you can’t get mad at the industry that’s impoverishing you, it’s much easier to get mad at the people who you feel are unjustly succeeding in that industry. Trying to cancel Glenn Greenwald (again) because he criticizes the media harshly? Trying to tarnish Substack’s reputation so that cool, paid-up writer types leave it and the bad types like me get kicked off? That they can maybe do. Confronting their industry’s future with open eyes? Too scary, especially for people who were raised to see success as their birthright and have suddenly found that their degrees and their witheringly dry one-liners do not help them when the rent comes due.
…
Life in the “content” industry already sucks. A small handful of people make bank while the vast majority hustle relentlessly just to hold on to the meager pay they already receive. There are staff writers at big-name publications who produce thousands of words every week and who make less than $40,000 a year for their trouble. There are permanent employees of highly prestigious newspapers and magazines who don’t receive health insurance. Venues close all the time. Mourning another huge round of layoffs is a regular bonding experience for people in the industry. Writers have to constantly job hop just to try and grind out an extra $1,500 a year, making their whole lives permanent job interviews where they can’t risk offending their potential bosses and peers. Many of them dream of selling that book to save themselves financially, not seeming to understand that book advances have fallen 40% in 10 years - median figure now $6,080 - and that the odds of actually making back even that meager advance are slim, meaning most authors are making less than minimum wage from their books when you do the math. They have to tweet constantly for the good of their careers, or so they believe, which amounts to hundreds of hours of unpaid work a year. Their publications increasingly strong arm them into churning out pathetic pop-culture ephemera like listicles about the outfits on Wandavision. They live in fear of being the one to lose out when the next layoffs come and the game of media musical chairs spins up once again. They have to pretend to like ghouls like Ezra Klein and Jonah Peretti and make believe that there’s such a thing as “the Daily Beast reputation for excellence.”
I have always felt bad for them, despite our differences, because of these conditions. And they have a right to be angry. But they don’t have much in the way of self-awareness about where their anger really lies. A newsletter company hosting Bari Weiss is why you can’t pay your student loans? You sure?
They’ll tell you about the terrible conditions in their industry themselves, when they’re feeling honest. So what are they really mad about? That I’m making a really-just-decent guaranteed wage for just one year? Or that this decent wage is the kind of money many of them dream of making despite the fact that, in their minds, they’ve done everything right and played by all the rules? Is their anger really about a half-dozen guys whose writing you have to actively seek out to see? (If you click the button and put in your email address, you’ll get these newsletters. If you don’t, you won’t. So if you’re a media type who hates my writing, consider just… not clicking that button.) Or do they need someplace to put the rage and resentment that grows inside them as they realize, no, it’s not getting better, this is all I get?
It’s true that I have, in a very limited way, achieved the new American dream: getting a little bit of VC cash. I’m sorry. But it’s much much less than one half of what Felix Salmon was making in 2017 and again, it’s only for one year.
You think the writers complaining in that piece I linked to at the top wanted to be here, at this place in their career, after all those years of hustling? You think decades into their media career, the writers who decamped to Substack said to themselves “you know, I’d really like to be in my 40s and having to hope that enough people will pitch in $5 a month so I can pay my mortgage”? No. But the industry didn’t give them what they felt they deserved either. So they displace and project. They can hate Jesse Singal, but Jesse Singal isn’t where this burning anger is coming from. Neither am I. They’re so angry because they bought into a notoriously savage industry at the nadir of its labor conditions and were surprised to find that they’re drifting into middle age without anything resembling financial security. I feel for them as I feel for all people living economically precarious lives, but getting rid of Substack or any of its writers will not do anything to fix their industry or their jobs. They wanted more and they got less and it hurts. This isn’t what they dreamed. That’s what this is really about.
…
My own deal here is not mysterious. It’s just based on a fact that the blue checks on Twitter have never wanted to accept. I got offered money to write here for the same reason I got offered to write for The New York Times and Harper’s and The Washington Post and The LA Times, the same reason I’ve gotten a half-dozen invitations to pitch since I started here a few weeks ago, the same reason a literary agent sought me out and asked me to write a book, the same reason I sold that book for a decent advance: because I pull traffic. Though I am a social outcast from professional opinion writing, I have a better freelance publishing history than many, many of my critics who are paid-up, obedient members of the media social scene. Why? Because the editors who hired me thought I was a great guy? No. Because I pull traffic. I always have. That’s why you’re reading this on Substack right now.
…
A really important lesson to learn, in life, is this: your enemies are more honest about you than your friends ever will be. I’ve been telling the blue checks for over a decade that their industry was existentially fucked, that the all-advertising model was broken, that Google and Facebook would inevitably hoover up all the profit, that there are too many affluent kids fresh out of college just looking for a foothold in New York who’ll work for next to nothing and in doing so driving down the wages of everyone else, that their mockery of early subscription programs like Times Select was creating a disastrous industry expectation that asking your readers directly for money was embarrassing. Trump is gone and the news business is cratering. Michael Tracey didn’t make that happen. None of this anger will heal what’s wrong. If you get all of the people you don’t like fired from Substack tomorrow, what will change? How will your life improve? Greenwald will spend more time with his hottie husband and his beloved kids and his 6,000 dogs in his beautiful home in Rio. Glenn will be fine. How do we do the real work of getting you job security and a decent wage?
…
But how do things get better in that way? Only through real self-criticism (which Twitter makes impossible) and by asking hard questions. Questions like one that has not been credibly confronted a single time in this entire media meltdown: why are so many people subscribing to Substacks? What is the traditional media not providing that they’re seeking elsewhere? Why have half a million people signed up as paying subscribers of various Substack newsletters, if the establishment media is providing the diversity of viewpoints that is an absolute market requirement in a country with a vast diversity of opinions? You can try to make an adult determination about that question, to better understand what media is missing, or you can read this and write some shitty joke tweet while your industry burns to the ground around you. It’s your call.
Substack might fold tomorrow, but someone would else sell independent media; there’s a market. Substack might kick me and the rest of the unclean off of their platforms tomorrow, but other critics of social justice politics would pop up here; there’s a market. Establishment media’s takeover by this strange brand of academic identity politics might grow even more powerful, if that’s even possible, but dissenters will find a place to sell alternative opinion; there’s a market. What there might not be much of a market for anymore is, well, you - college educated, urban, upwardly striving if not economically improving, woke, ironic, and selling that wokeness and that irony as your only product. Because you flooded the market. Everyone in your entire industry is selling the exact same thing, tired sarcastic jokes and bleating righteousness about injustices they don’t suffer under themselves, and it’s not good in basic economic terms if you’re selling the same thing as everyone else. You add that on to structural problems within your business model and your utter subservience to a Silicon Valley that increasingly hates you, well…. I get why you’re mad. And I get that you don’t like me. But I’m not what you’re mad about. Not really.
In the span of a decade or so, essentially all professional media not explicitly branded as conservative has been taken over by a school of politics that emerged from humanities departments at elite universities and began colonizing the college educated through social media. Those politics are obscure, they are confusing, they are socially and culturally extreme, they are expressed in a bizarre vocabulary, they are deeply alienating to many, and they are very unpopular by any definition. The vast majority of the country is not woke, including the vast majority of women and people of color. How could it possibly be healthy for the entire media industry to be captured by any single niche political movement, let alone one that nobody likes? Why does no one in media seem willing to have an honest, uncomfortable conversation about the near-total takeover of their industry by a fringe ideology?
And the bizarre assumption of almost everyone in media seems to have been that they could adopt this brand of extreme niche politics, in mass, as an industry, and treat those politics as a crusade that trumps every other journalistic value, with no professional or economic consequences. They seem to have thought that Americans were just going to swallow it; they seem to have thought they could paint most of the country as vicious bigots and that their audiences would just come along for the ride. They haven’t. In fact Republicans are making great hay of the collapse of the media into pure unapologetic advocacy journalism. Some people are turning to alternative media to find options that are neither reactionary ideologues or self-righteous woke yelling. Can you blame them? Substack didn’t create this dynamic, and neither did I. The exact same media people who are so angry about Substack did, when they abandoned any pretense to serving the entire country and decided that their only job was to advance a political cause that most ordinary people, of any gender or race, find alienating and wrong. So maybe try and look at where your problems actually come from. They’re not going away.
Now steel yourselves, media people, take a shot of something strong, look yourself in the eye in the mirror, summon you most honest self, and tell me: am I wrong?
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The thing is, I’m not entirely sure I remember how to dream. How to write. How to imagine anything independently of a world created by someone else, in their mind.
I’ve grown so used to hanging my dreams on what other people have created for me that I don’t know if that person is still in there.
That weird little girl, who peeled acorns for squirrels, and walked in circles over and over and over again on the roots of the big oak tree. She had a big imagination. She told herself all sorts of stories.
Was it just because I couldn’t play the other games? Too slow - reflexes and running. Too weak - climbing, throwing, running, playing.
(Or was it because I wasn’t allowed to — couldn’t — play those games? I have a few dim memories of trying to play and being sent away. They’re dim though. I stopped asking.)
Or was it simply that I was filling time? Waiting until I could go back into a world I could navigate a little better than the playground?
Sometimes, though, I was waiting. Hoping, really.
More than a few times.
A lot.
I hoped, I thought, maybe - maybe if I walk in the right way, I’ll hear the trees laughing, like Anne told Diana about. Maybe they’ll talk to me. Maybe a faerie will come creeping out from a little crevice and wave, winking. Maybe a squirrel will come crawling down the wrinkled bark while I watch, and take the little heap of acorn meat I’d left for him. Maybe there’s a tiny scrap of magic somewhere in the world that I just haven’t found yet.
I haven’t had dreams for a long time. That’s what happens when your dreams have expiration dates. I’ve already missed most of mine.
Never really even came close.
I had a “schedule” that makes me want to cry to think of it. Meet someone in college or shortly after. Get married by 25, so we would have a few years together after college. Have our first child by 27, because mom always said I should start having babies by 30 if I really wanted to have more than one and space them out.
I’m 28. I’ve never had a real relationship with anyone, romantic or platonic. I’ve never had a best friend who would place me on the same importance as I would them.
I have borderline personality disorder. I have adhd. I am on the autism spectrum. I have depression and anxiety so severe they cripple me. More than one of these things may be false. The symptoms are nearly indistinguishable once you have more than 2. No one will give me a straight answer, and no two doctors can agree.
Added onto years of emotional and mental abuse - which is what it was, wasn’t it. Maybe because I’m autistic, maybe it really was that bad. Neglect, sure. Public humiliation, that happened too, I’m pretty sure. Being told flat out that I was stupid and fat and ugly and I was lucky to have any friends at all so maybe I should just shut up and sit down before I ended up with none.
I’m pretty sure that happened. I don’t really remember it though. I don’t really have any memories at all.
Supposedly that’s something that happens with “complex post traumatic stress disorder,” which generally crops up when a person is systematically ground down for a long time until there is nothing left but the stories they told themselves when they tried to explain to the fake audience in their head who they were. How they got that way.
I don’t know who I was, who I could have been if I hadn’t had the life I did. Maybe my memories are skewed.
My therapist didn’t seem to think so, but she also sometimes seemed to think I was full of shit. That’s probably me reading too much into things again. That’s what I do.
Was it really that bad? I remember a lot of screaming, and crying, and hiding, and wishing I was dead or that someone would just hit me already so I would have something to say, to tell people other than “they yell at me and make me cry and sometimes they grab my arms and shake me and sometimes they tell me they’ll throw me out onto the street to fend for myself and sometimes they tell me they love me so much they’re so sorry and then sometimes they cry”.
But how much of that was me? How much was that my perception of things? Am I really that crazy, or have I really been gaslit that much? Is it gaslighting if they didn’t even realize how much pain they caused you, which is why they say “it wasn’t that bad stop exaggerating”?
Did I imagine all of it?
If I did, if I didn’t, what was real? What had the weight I felt it carry? What should have been a minor blip in my life but instead metastasized into a catastrophe?
I don’t know. Maybe I never knew. Reality hasn’t ever been my friend.
Fantasy is so much better.
It’s painful now, though. To read some of these stories, these books I used to adore.
Stories about Mature Adult Women of 25! Whole! Years! Going on adventures and meeting their soulmates and having wonderful happy lives.
I’m spiraling. It’s late. I’m tired and a little high, wishing I was higher and maybe I wouldn’t be so bored.
Bilbo was middle aged, wasn’t he? When he went on his adventure? He had an adventure, and then he came home and had a long, rich, happy, lonely, bitter life. Hmm. Perhaps the one ring is not the best foundation for a guiding principle.
I went to law school because I’d come to the end of every plan I actually had. (You don’t really plan for a future when you’ve been suicidal since before puberty.) I figured I’d get to read and write at least reasonably interesting things, make good money, maybe even make a difference.
I’ve been a paralegal for the same law firm I worked for right out of college for two years now and I have never felt more like a shambling corpse.
When I graduated from college, I couldn’t get a job. Could I have tried harder? Sure. Is executive dysfunction a bitch? You bet.
So I worked for a family friend’s law firm. Personal injury and medical malpractice. She’s the mother of my older sister’s oldest best friend and has employed all of my mother’s three daughters.
She’s also a heinous bitch and a terrible boss. Her employees have a shelf life of about 2 years. I’ve hit my expiration date. Once you’ve audibly cried during a phone conference, you’re really near the bottom. Once she decides you suck at your job, there’s no coming back. Either you quit or you get fired. She prefers when people quit so she can blame them and not feel guilty. So she just increasingly treats people worse and worse until they quit in self defense.
I worked for her for a year. It was awful. I became an alcoholic and gained 25+ lbs.
I decided to go to law school.
I moved to New Orleans.
I made friends. I had an apartment all to myself. I had a life I actually enjoyed.
Then I graduated.
And I couldn’t get a job again.
(Of course, all of this is underpinned with my cyclical periods of intense illness, often accompanied by being hospitalized and missing long periods of school. In college and in law school, actually.)
(All the cocaine and drinking didn’t help either.)
(Ah, New Orleans. How I miss thee.)
So I ended up at the same firm again. Living with my parents. Again.
Then I passed the bar.
Now I’m doing the same work as my younger sister, for the same amount of money. (When she graduated from her masters program and was unemployed for 6 months, I convinced my boss to hire my younger sister again, and my sister to work for my boss again after a semi-disastrous summer job.)
(To be fair, while I’m technically a licensed attorney, she has a masters in education, so it’s not like there’s a massive education disparity here.)
(It doesn’t help that I’m barred in a different jurisdiction than the one my firm typically works in, so there aren’t any cases I can really work on as an attorney, and then on top of that my bosses don’t want to pay for malpractice insurance for me so I’m not allowed to practice as an attorney or put that I’m an attorney or call myself an attorney or even put in my letterhead that I’m licensed in the District of Columbia.)
Then there was a pandemic, and I decided I probably shouldn’t try to make a huge life change during a pandemic.
The pandemic is still fucking here. Nearly. Two. Years. Later.
So I guess I have to make a new plan.
Can I be a lawyer? I guess we’ll see.
I don’t really want to, though. I’m burned out and I wasn’t even practicing.
I want to move to a beach and write a novel and actually have a life I enjoy.
The problems with this plan are numerous. Not only is inertia an incredibly powerful enemy of mine, but I’ve lost all imagination.
I cannot imagine a future in which I am happy. Will I kill myself? Probably not, at least not for a long while. I’ve thought too long and hard about the long-lasting, far-reaching repercussions it would have. (Say what I will about my family, at least it’s always been clear that my death is NOT an acceptable outcome.)
I want to find my imagination again. I want to be able to imagine not only a future in which I am happy, but other futures, other worlds. I want to be able to dream, not only for me, not only for reality, but for unreality. I want to create worlds in my mind again, and allow them to take whatever shapes they wish.
I don’t know if I can. I don’t know if all those horrible teachers, all those “peer editors” in fucking elementary school were right, and my story ideas are hackneyed and overwrought.
Wouldn’t it be nice, though, if they were wrong. Wouldn’t it be nice, to start writing, and to find that my imagination didn’t go so very far.
It’s been hiding in the intertwined branches of a birch grove, slim and tall and ringing with laughter. In the space between stars. Down the path shaded with wisteria and jasmine and honeysuckle, where the scent and the heat and the humidity are so thick you can feel the heavy perfume coating your lungs. Tucked away, safe, waiting to peek out. Waiting to creep down the wrinkled bark of a huge old oak and wink at the little girl playing among its roots.
I hope it is there. I hope I can find it.
I’ll keep you posted.
This is my own personal void to yell into, after all.
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The Distance Between Us
Chapter 37: Only Ever Yours
Pairing: Rowena x reader
Summary: It finally happens.
Editor: @miss-moon-guardian
*****
You stayed on the dancefloor for an hour more, holding each other, basking in the closeness, before leaving. Your friends tried to get you to stay, but you and Rowena were adamant that you were tired.
Meg, the only one clued in on what, exactly, was going on, gave you thumbs up on your way out. A wordless encouragement that meant the world to you.
The drinks you'd consumed earlier loosened you up a bit. Your muscles weren't tense, rigid; you weren't wood on your feet, a puppet without its strings.
But still, going home with Rowena for the sole purpose if having sex was terrifying.
What if you messed something up?
What if you said or did something wrong?
What if, when she saw you — all of you — she wasn't attracted to you anymore?
Your looks were on an average scale, far below Rowena's divine beauty. You had no doubt her body looked as great bare as it did clothed; having a background in dance and working out from time to time had its perks.
Your body, on the other hand, was awful.
You weren't a dancer or an athlete.
You didn't work out.
You ate what you wanted without paying a shred of mind to the calories.
While Rowena's body was a temple, yours was a ruin in the middle of nowhere, overgrown with weeds and infested with rats.
What if she pushed you away?
What if she laughed and, stone cold, dead serious, told you to your face how disgusting you were, how sick looking at you made her?
What if—
No!
That wasn't Rowena, you told yourself.
Once upon a time she might have been cruel, but those days were long gone.
She was a different person now.
Loving.
Caring.
Kind.
She loved you.
Repulsion wasn't a choice, though.
She could love you all she wanted; if her body reacted badly to you, there was nothing either of you could do about it.
It's gonna be okay, you told yourself, trying to stay positive.
The night would go on as planned, just as the dance had, and, at the very end, Rowena would still love you as she loved you now.
Nothing would change.
Not for the worse.
Guthrie greeted the two of you at the MacLeod residence. Rowena sent him on his way, assuring him Gavin was safe in her hands; the boy had been fed and was asleep, requiring no additional care.
Just to be sure, Rowena went to check up on him while you got settled in her room. You sat down on the bed awkwardly, knees pressed together, cheeks burning with nervousness and alcohol flowing through your veins.
Your eyes fell on the sheets, on the pillows neatly tucked under them.
This was where it would happen.
By the end of the night you would be wrapped up in those sheets, bare as they day you were born, with Rowena curled up against you like a kitten.
You swallowed, hard, throat aching under the pressure.
It was going to happen.
After months of thinking it over, dreaming it up in your deepest, wildest fantasies, it was finally going to happen.
Oh, god. Jesus. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Would it be as good as you imagined?
Would it be heaven, bliss, everything magic and nice like you'd read in books and fanfictions?
Rowena knew what she was doing, you reminded yourself. If anyone could give you heaven, it was her.
She wouldn't disappoint.
"Sleeping like a baby," she said, shaking you from your thoughts.
Good.
One less thing to worry about.
"What about your mom?"
Being caught in the act by her baby brother was one thing.
If her mother were to hear anything…
You would never live down the embarrassment.
"Her shift ends at midnight," Rowena said. "I may have convinced her to take her colleagues for a wee drink after."
Of course she did. "Clever girl."
She let out a sound that suspiciously resembled a moan. "You know I'm a genius."
You knew all too well.
"It pays off to be prepared, no?"
"So you were expecting this."
Suspicions confirmed.
"I was going to give it a try." She winked. "Great minds think alike."
You blushed harder. "I guess you did that on purpose, too?"
The dress.
The hairstyle.
The makeup.
All part of a perfectly crafted plan, just as you'd thought.
Rowena smirked. "I had to give you some incentive."
She had no idea. "Oh, you gave me plenty."
If you weren't already ready, you would have been after seeing her like that.
She chuckled, a mischievous little sound that made your heart flutter.
"You're not playing fair," you said.
She raised an accusatory eyebrow, eyes settling on you, scanning you from head to toe. "And you are?"
Guilty.
"That's different. I'm not that hot."
"Och, my dear, you couldn't be more wrong." She stalked over to you, steps careful, calculated. Enticing. Her fingers brushed against your cheek in a gentle caress; you found yourself leaning into it, her skin soft against yours, a welcome comfort. "You are bloody perfect."
Far from it, but you still blushed like crazy.
Was she trying to kill you?
"Flatterer," you uttered, barely keeping your voice from breaking apart into trembles that took over your hands.
"Just being honest."
Her voice betrayed not a trace of deception.
Not that you were expecting any.
One of the many things you loved about Rowena was her honesty. What she thought, she said. What she felt, she showed. She was generous with compliments; not just in words, but in actions, never afraid to give a kiss or put on a smile that made you melt into a puddle.
You couldn't have asked for a better girlfriend.
To think less than a year ago you could barely stand the sight of her…
My, how wrong you were. How very mistaken.
Rowena pressed her lips to yours, The kiss was soft, sweet, everything you wanted and yearned for. You closed your eyes, melting into the sensation, body falling limp, a puppet whose strings she pulled. Your nerves exploded. Heart raced, pounded harder with each movement of her mouth.
Every inch of you burned, a feeling you found yourself enjoying and dreading all at once as tingles spread through you, electric, tickling.
Teasing.
They roamed your body the way Rowena roamed your mouth, explored you, taunted you before finally settling between your legs
You pressed your thighs together. Rubbed them against one another for friction.
God.
You hadn't even taken your clothes off, and you were already turned on.
"You're sure you want this?" Rowena asked as you parted.
Your lips trembled, swollen, aching for more despite knowing you would get plenty.
Patience wasn't one of your stronger suits.
"Yes." You looked her in the eyes as you said it, poured your scattered confidence into the gaze to contrast your weak voice. "I… I want you."
She had no idea how much.
Good god, she had no idea!
Rowena smiled, one of her sweet ones, the calm before the storm. "Ask and you shall receive."
"I, um…" Your cheeks flamed, this time from embarrassment. You swallowed a small lump in your throat. In a voice so small it was a wounded whisper, you said, "Rowena?"
"Yes, my dove?"
The pet name made warmth swell up in your chest. "I never… you know…"
"This is your first time?"
Her tone suggested she suspected as much.
You nodded.
"In that case, let's make it memorable, shall we?"
The grin on her face, wide, bright, told you she intended to make good on her words.
Your heart sped up again, anticipation building. "Sorry if I do something wrong."
"Y/N, please." She laid a finger to your mouth; perfectly manicured, her nail polish — a sexy, screaming red that made your head spin — shining in the fluorescent light. You wanted to kiss it, bite it. Suck on it like you did back in Branson. "You will do great. Just relax."
Relax.
You could do that.
In theory.
You swallowed. Sucked in a breath.
Yeah, you could totally do that.
"You're in good hands," she added confidently.
You responded with a small chuckle.
You were in good hands.
The best hands.
There was no one you trusted to teach you, to be your first, more.
"If it gets to be too much," Rowena said, "let me know. Don't pretend for my sake. Tonight is about your pleasure as much as mine."
"Okay," you said with a nod, appreciative of the gesture.
"If, at any point, you change your mind, tell me and I will stop."
"I won't change my mind."
You were sure of that.
Tonight was the night.
No more holding back.
Besides, this was Rowena.
Who, in their right mind, would say no to sex with her?
"I want you." You gently took hold of her hand and pulled her closer. Your lips connected with hers, locked in a kiss that betrayed your hunger, your ache for her. You wanted her; all of her, mind body and soul, right here and now. Wanted her all over you. Inside of you. "So much," you said through the kiss, eliciting a sound that was somewhere between a moan and a groan from deep in her throat. "I love you."
"I love you as well, my angel," she responded and accompanied it with a kiss of her own.
You never tired of hearing her say it.
Never tired of kissing her, of her sweet, sweet taste in your mouth that was magic and delight and everything you ever dreamed of.
How could one person be so delicious?
How could she be heaven and hell in one; virtue and sin, the sweetest dream and the worst nightmare?
How could she be so fucking perfect?
She had no right, you thought as she deepened the kiss, tongue breaking in, taking over. Making you shiver with anticipation as your mind conjured up images of that tongue someplace else, hot and wet and dangerous, your body writhing under its ministrations.
Your pussy throbbed at the visual. Excited. Overwhelmed.
She hadn't yet touched you, and you were already wound tight.
"Would you like to do the honours?" Rowena asked, voice a purr whose vibrations you could feel on your lips — your swollen, trembling lips, hungry for more, desperate like an addict craving a fix.
"W-what?" You released a small breath, then took in another one, and another in an attempt to compose yourself. A failed one for you were a mess of tingles and nerves and it was all her fault and you resented and loved her all at once.
She had no right to do this to you.
No right to control you like this, to have so much power over you with a single kiss.
"This dress isn't going to remove itself," she said, and, for good measure, added in a seductive wink.
"Oh."
Oh.
Before you could process what, exactly, she was asking of you, you were on your feet and on your way over to her. Body running on instinct, like a robot programmed to do her bidding.
A very nervous, very turned on robot.
"You sure?" you asked because — what were you supposed to ask? What were you supposed to do?
"Och, aye." It was a purr, so delicious your mouth watered and a fresh wave of tingles, hot and cold in tune with her teasing, swept over you like a downpour drenching you from head to toe.
Rowena turned around. You stood still for a few moments, frozen in place, a useless statue brimming with nerves and heat and static going off, swallowing you whole one breath at a time. When you finally dared reach for her zipper. you flinched. Her skin was hot, seething. Inviting. Dangerous. Everything you ever wanted right at the tips of your fingers.
Slowly, carefully, as if she were a dainty porcelain doll, you pulled the zipper down. The dress bloomed open, exposing miles and miles of flawless, milky skin you wanted to run your hands all over.
Laying your trembling hands on her shoulders, you asked, "May I?"
"Aye, darling."
You slid the straps down her arms, helping her free herself of them, then pulled the dress down and let it pool at her feet in a crimson mound.
You gulped, overwhelmed by the sight.
Here she was, standing before you matching bra and panties; black, lacy, sensual. A fantasy you'd had so many times come to life.
You unclasped the bra, cheeks flaming, and brought your hands to her hips, fingers curling around the hem of her panties. Still. Anxious. Not daring to make a move.
Rowena clasped her hands over yours gently. "Go on, love."
She helped you pull the lacy garment down to her thighs, then stepped out of the fallen dress, peeled them off, and dropped them beside the rest of her clothes. She shook her shoes off, the red of her toenails glittering, and turned to face you.
You barely held back a gasp.
God, she was beautiful.
Naked as the day she'd been born, she was the picture of perfection.
Her skin was flawless, not a blemish in sight aside from a small scar on her right thigh, sprinkled with freckles that covered her entire body like fairy dust.
Her breasts were small, supple; you wanted nothing but to cup them, to pinch those perky nipples until they were hard.
She had curves in all the right places and muscles that were tight, strong, making her look like a Renaissance sculpture.
A timeless beauty.
And so yours.
Every single bit of her.
The realization knocked the air out of your lungs as if you'd been punched.
God. Shit. Fuck.
She was yours.
This gorgeous, stunning creature was yours.
What had you done to deserve her?
"Like what you see?" Rowena said, smirking like the naughty thing she was.
You cleared your throat. Sucked in a small breath. "Maybe."
Very.
She let out a laugh, one of those teasy, confident ones. "You know this is all yours, right?"
Oh, you knew.
She took your hands and brought them to her breasts. They fit perfectly in your palms, and, instinctively, you squeezed them. It prompted her to smile. "All yours."
She kissed you, a small peck on your lips that left you wanting — craving, needing — more.
"Patience," Rowena said, noticing your turmoil, your face a pathetic, dirty traitor. "First let's get these clothes off you, shall we?"
Throat tightening, trapping all the words you wanted to say, you nodded.
She stepped behind you and quickly went to work, unzipping your dress and getting it off you. You shivered, more from fear than excitement.
What if she was disgusted by what she saw?
What if she hated your body — your plain, imperfect, ugly body you'd never shown anyone before?
A strange sensation on your shoulder shook you from your thoughts.
A kiss.
Soft.
Wet.
Gentle as Rowena's hands that rested on your forearms.
"You're exquisite, my love," she whispered and planted another kiss, then another, slowly moving to the back of your neck.
No, I'm not, you wanted to say. I'm awful.
You elected to keep it to yourself and instead closed your eyes and gave in to the feeling of her mouth on your skin, caressing you, loving you. Showering you with affection you'd been craving.
"My beautiful wee girl," she said amidst the rain of kisses. "So beautiful."
She helped you get your bra off, and stepped aside to allow you to pull down your panties and remove your shoes.
You faced her bare as she was, nerves popping, heart thrumming so hard you feared it would explode in your chest.
There was nothing but adoration on her face, pure, unadulterated. Wonder akin that of a child laying their eyes upon a mesmerizing sight for the first time.
She liked what she saw.
She liked you.
Exactly as you were.
And, god, you didn't think it was possible to love her more than you already did, but here you were, bursting with it.
You shouldn't have doubted her.
You shouldn't have doubted yourself.
Tonight was your night, both of yours; she would never do anything to ruin it.
She would never hurt you.
"You still in?" she asked.
"Yup."
You weren't going to give this up for the world.
Rowena grinned. "That's my girl!"
Before you could utter a response, her mouth was on yours, and you were lost in the kiss that tasted sweeter than any before.
A kiss of promise, of wonderful things to come.
Soon you were on the bed, and she was kissing you all over; your neck, shoulders, breasts, and stomach. She did things to you that you didn't know were possible. Things you'd never even dreamed of. She brought you to the edge of pleasure, pushed you over it, sent you on a high and expertly brought you down.
She was right — you were in good hands.
You couldn't have asked for better.
You tried your luck reciprocating. Rowena led you through it, ever an endlessly patient tutor. Told you what to do, how to pleasure her one little step at the time.
The night was long, and by the end of it you were both spent, laying breathless next to each other, smiles big and bright on your mouths.
"How was it?" she asked.
"Perfect," you said, having no other words to describe it. Fucking perfect!
"Well," she beamed, proud, "I am an expert."
"You are."
One with an ego, but an expert nonetheless.
You curled into her, pressing your forehead to hers. "I love you, Rowena."
"I love you, too, Y/N."
Your name falling from her lips was a pleasant melody. A peaceful, calming lullaby.
It echoed in your head as you drifted off to sleep.
*****
Tags: @werewolfbarbie @oswinthestrange @songofthecagedmoose @apurdyfulmind @getthesalt-sam @metallihca @salembitchtrials @jay-eris @hellsmother @elizabeth-effie @shadowgirl-vsb @rowenaswife @wonderifshelikesroses @xfireandsin @liddell-alien @hotdiggitydammit @lae-lae @darkhumorsblog @angel7376 @cherrypierowena @ruthieconnells @evil-regal-vampiress @collectorofsecretsandsouls @angel-e-v-a @a-queen-and-her-throne @carryon-doctor-lock
#rowena#rowena macleod#spn#supernatural#spn family#rowena x reader#my fics#fanfiction#high school au
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3. What is your favorite/least favorite part about writing? 6. Favorite character you’ve written? 14. What does it take for you to be ready to write a book? (i.e. do you research? outline? make a playlist or pinterest board? wing it?) 15. How do you deal with self-doubt when writing? 19. How do you cope with writer’s block? 24. Do you remember the moment you decided to become a writer/author? 33. What’s your revision/rewriting process like? 34. Unpopular writing thoughts/opinions?
3. What is your favorite/least favorite part about writing?
My favorite part is when you make discoveries about your world and your characters as you write the story down, and when you write something and go, “Oh, there we go, there’s the solution to this problem that was going to come up later.” For example, I recently had an evil mentor toying with a magical item while giving a lecture to his pupils. The magical item was mundane--essentially, just putty that you could mold into whatever shape you wanted, then solidify, then switch back to putty to reshape. And as I was writing that down, I went, “Oh, THAT’S what my protagonist is going to knock him out with down the line. That’s way better than her using a lamp. Excellent.”
My least favorite part about writing is getting started. Once I’ve cleared the hurtle of the blank page, writing becomes much easier and more exciting. But getting myself to start has become much harder since I developed my editor/critic’s brain.
6. Favorite character you’ve written?
In one of the text-based rps I’m writing with my best friend, I’m playing a shapeshifter named Sparrow, who is charming, funny, flirty, politically-savvy, and super vain about his appearance (think a courtesan-type character). He also has one of the most gut-wrenching backstories of any character I’ve ever written, and is struggling with triggers from that backstory. His romance with my best friend’s character is also my favorite romance that I’ve written with her, and it came as a surprise to both of us, since we were just testing out the characters at the time.
14. What does it take for you to be ready to write a book? (i.e. do you research? outline? make a playlist or pinterest board? wing it?)
I do a lot of brainstorming and outlining, though my outlines aren’t plot-related ones so much as very detailed character summaries. I’ve honestly been struggling with plot lately, but I’ve been doing better character work, so I’m winging it more now. While I usually have a general idea of how the story goes, the actual writing of it clarifies the details and makes changes to my plans. On the bright side, the results are less stilted than my old work, since they’re not chained to plot outlines, but stem from the characters more organically.
15. How do you deal with self-doubt when writing?
I’ve started telling myself, “Fuck it, let it be messy, I’ll fix it later.” Letting go of perfectionism is hard for me, but doing so has been helping.
19. How do you cope with writer’s block?
Honestly, the best way to cope with writer’s block is to just try something and see if it sticks, or leave yourself a note and skip ahead in the story to something you want to write. However, as I mentioned in an earlier ask, I haven’t been able to do much writing lately. And that’s hard, because I feel guilty for not writing, and I know if I just do it, I’ll feel better. Which is a bad mindframe to be in, especially because this year has been awful. I’ve been telling other writers to be gentle on themselves, because it’s hard to be creative when you’re stressed, but I struggle to take my own advice. So right now, I’m trying to give myself permission not to write, and to instead focus on other things. Editing. Reading. Playing videogames. Baking. Doing house/yardwork. Something to still ticks things off of my to do list, but also things that I can look at and see, “Yes, you did get something done.” It’s not a perfect system, and it does fall into the productivity trap, but it’s what I’m trying. When the stress passes, maybe then I can dive back into writing.
24. Do you remember the moment you decided to become a writer/author?
I think it was when I was applying for undergraduate college. I wrote in my application essay that I wanted to write stories that would show my readers that things can get better for them. I was writing as a hobby before then, but I think that’s when I decided that yeah, I wanted making stories to be a part of my future, and I wanted to write stories that I could publish someday.
33. What’s your revision/rewriting process like?
Mostly I end up rewriting the chapter or story in question. Draft one is for realizing and getting down the idea of the thing. Draft two is refining it to that thing and losing all of the flab that the story doesn’t need. Often I have another file on the side where I paste in what I’ve cut out, in case I change my mind and want to add it back in later, or in case I can use it in another project. I also save the original messy draft and do the cutting in a copied file. That way, I can reassure myself that the original still exists for me, and I can reread it when I’m feeling self-indulgent, but I’m also only giving the best version to my readers.
34. Unpopular writing thoughts/opinions?
-- Writing every day is a good idea, and does work well for the writing process, but it’s an unrealistic standard to hold yourself to, especially if you have a day job, kids, and other adult responsibilities. Don’t feel guilty if you can’t write every day. The guilt is just going to make you freeze up instead of returning to the work. Be gentle with your expectations for yourself.
-- If you’re including triggering or sensitive subjects in your work, and are planning to share that work with others (and ESPECIALLY if you’re planning to profit from that work), you should be doing your research about those subjects, portraying them as accurately as possible, and asking yourself if your story really needs that content to work. It is also a good idea to employ sensitivity screeners for that content, especially if you’re writing from a place of privilege and/or don’t have personal experience with the issues that you’re depicting.
-- Once the work is out there, no one has the right to ban it. They can be critical of it, yes. But not ban it.
-- Writers of privilege must include diversity within their work, even if they’re scared of getting their depictions of people from other genders, races, classes, religions, and so on wrong. And they will get it wrong. When that happens, just apologize and try to do better in the future. But staying in your lane is a bad idea, for three reasons: 1.) You should be striving to have empathy for others, and you can’t do that if you’re only writing about people who are similar to you. 2.) Writers of privilege have an easier time getting their work published, and so should be trying to push the market/publishing industry into a more diverse direction. And 3.) You should be showing readers of privilege that the world is a diverse one, rather than catering to their narrow worldview.
-- Getting defensive when someone is critical of your work is perfectly natural, but it’s also dumb. It’s so, so dumb. You have made a product, and no product made by human hands is perfect, and every writer has blind spots. So when someone is critical of your work, try to keep this in mind: this is not an attack on you. Let yourself feel the hurt in private, and eat lots of ice cream, and when you’re feeling better, look at the criticism and ask yourself: What led the reader to this conclusion? How can I fix it? What can I learn from this? This is assuming that the critic is working with you in good faith, by the way; sometimes they’re completely off of the mark, or are upset because you didn’t give them the story that they wanted. But if someone is going, “Hey, this is a little racist/sexist/homophobic/ableist/etc.,” sit up and listen. And for the love of god, don’t fight them over it. You’ll make yourself look like an ass.
-- Don’t workshop your story too early. Try to get a full draft down before you submit something for consideration. For one thing, you’re still figuring out what your story actually is. For another, writing workshops, while useful, have a tendency to pull your work to the middle / make it more acceptable to a general audience. Sometimes this will soften and even kill your bravest writing. Instead, use writing workshops as an opportunity to find writers who understand the themes you’re aiming for and the subjects that you’re discussing. Their input will be what you need.
-- With the current laws about copyright infringement, getting paid for your fanfic is a bad idea. If you want that to change, then fight to make the laws more lenient. As if it, you’re risking screwing over other fanfic writers by doing that. Does that suck? Yeah. But that’s also the reality we live in right now, and you’re not going to have a good time if a corporation like Disney slams you with lawsuits.
-- Genres like fantasy, science fiction, horror, romance/erotica, and murder mysteries are real literature. Saying they’re not has its roots in classism.
-- There is no such thing as apolitical writing.
-- Poets are underrated. Support them. Most of the time, they’re doing braver and more socially-important work than you are, and they’re doing it concisely, too.
-- Your first draft is going to suck. This is a good thing. You learn a lot more from bad prose than from good prose, more often than not.
-- Having your work rejected by publishers really is nothing personal. Sometimes it just wasn’t a good fit for them at that moment in time. If they’re interested in seeing more from you in the future, though, keep them on your list and send them something else during their next screening period. They don’t say that unless they mean it.
#technopanzer#Writing#I'm not sure all of these are unpopular opinions but some of them definitely are
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THE MAKING OF PHOENIX WRIGHT’S SECOND DAY OFF
Or: The Immense Struggle of Trying to Make Decent Content
A good year and a half. That’s how much time passed between me starting Phoenix Wright’s Second Day Off and me uploading it to YouTube. What a hell of a load off my back that was. If you couldn’t tell, making this video was a bit of an undertaking, to say the least. And by “undertaking” I mean “an exercise in pure agony”. So, I figured I’d do a bit of a writeup here so I can get across to you the absolute hell of an experience making this video was.
PART 1: THE INITIAL PLANNING STAGES
The original “Phoenix Wright’s Day Off” was released in February 2018 to, though not a lot of views, a generally very positive response. Despite its janky animation, people seemed to enjoy it for its complete ridiculousness, comedic timing, and overly-choreographed fighting. Not to mention literally being the only Ace Attorney-themed Garry’s Mod video ever made that actually uses the Ace Attorney characters. (I’m still the only person to ever do that as of the time of writing. Woohoo.)
Given the positive reception and the fact that I literally ended the video with a “To Be Continued”, I was ready as I could ever be to start work on a sequel. The first one only took me a couple weeks to make, so surely a sequel wouldn’t take much longer, right?
Oh, how wrong I was. Still, I started planning out exactly how things would go. Throwing around ideas in my head. I needed it to be bigger and better than the original, of course. How was I gonna do that? Well, my initial plan was, uh, misguided, to say the least. What I wanted to do at first was create the sequel entirely in Source Filmmaker, along with giving it a darker, more serious tone to contrast the ridiculous slapstick of the first. Not a great idea for a sequel to a video that mainly relied on throwing ragdolls around for comedy.
https://streamable.com/taxrn
The original intro for PW2DO, based off the intro for “Fargo”. A lot less cool-looking than the final intro I made. (Even though I intended the video to be made in SFM, I made the intro in Gmod solely because I could just film myself driving the car instead of having to animate it manually.)
The final intro was done in a not too difficult fashion - the characters were animated in Garry’s Mod on top of greenscreens, which I then imported into Premiere and changed to solid colors. Added some extra video effects I found in places. Set it to an instrumental of Propane Nightmares. I’m proud of how it turned out, mostly. I won’t deny after I introduced the characters I didn’t exactly know what else to do with it, so I just filled it with some random actiony shots I thought might look cool. Incidentally, this was the only part of the final video that was made in Premiere - the rest of it was just edited together in Vegas Pro. Which crashed many times during editing. Fun.
PART 2: THE PAINS OF INDECISION (AND ALSO SOURCE FILMMAKER)
Nonetheless, I got to work, despite not actually knowing how to use Source Filmmaker. “I’ll figure it out as I go along,” I figured. And over time, more or less, I managed to figure it out. Sort of. And by “figure it out” I mean “become subject to the true hell that is SFM”.
Let me give you some quick background here. SFM has two main editors for animation: The “motion editor”, and the “graph editor”. The motion editor uses a relatively easy-to-understand method of animating: you select an object you want to animate (a prop, weapon, ragdoll, etc), select the span of time in which you want the thing to move to its new destination, and then you move it to the new destination. Sounds simplistic, but can be used extensively to create good-looking animation. (I myself used this method for the bar fight in PW2DO.) The graph editor on the other hand, is much more involved, depending on the tried-and-true method of using keyframes for animation. Some people prefer this one because it allows you to directly edit and fine-tune each little animation curve to your liking.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUXnpk8xDLg
This unfinished PW2DO prototype was animated entirely with the graph editor in SFM.
Really, you can use either one for animating, whichever suits you best. For me, personally, the graph editor feels like something designed in the seventh circle of hell specifically to torture me. Why does adding a new keyframe screw up all my preexisting animation? Why does adding a new keyframe make the ragdoll’s bones stretch out to infinity? Those are just a couple questions I shouted at my computer screen while trying to figure it out.
Eventually, I just gave up. I came to terms both with the fact that I wasn’t satisfied with what I was making, and with the fact that trying to use SFM’s graph editor to animate was making me want to julienne my keyboard. (I hadn’t figured out, or really even considered the motion editor at the time.) “Screw it,” I said to myself. “I’ll do in Gmod, like the last one.”
PART 3: OH RIGHT, GMOD SUCKS TOO
The first PWDO was relatively simple to make, at least compared to the second one. There were two main tools I used: Stop Motion Helper (a tool for animating stuff within Gmod itself without the need for actual stop motion or whatnot), and the classic technique of “throw stuff around in front of the camera”. I had little to no experience doing 3D animation when making it, but it worked out anyway. It let me practice some camera framing stuff, too. All I was really doing for most of it was animating the characters moving along with the camera. But for the second video, I desperately wanted to up the ante. I wanted it to be cooler. More edgy. More cinematic. Turns out, there’s one main reason that proved difficult for me. And that’s that Garry’s Mod kinda sucks for long-term animation.
Here’s the difference between animating in SFM and animating in GMod. SFM is made for animation. GMod isn’t. So, if you want animating in GMod to be anything less than horrendously tedious, you need some addons to help you. Stop Motion Helper is a neat little addon that lets you animate stuff in Garry’s Mod with the “tweening” type of animation. Simply put, you pose something in point A, make a keyframe, move it to point B, and then make another keyframe. Stop Motion Helper will then automatically animate it moving between the two points. Thus, instead of the stop motion method where you have to pose every individual frame, you technically only have to pose the beginning and end. Not that it looks very good if you only do that. Of course, like any kind of animation, it’s still something that requires a lot of effort if you don’t want it to look cheap and robotic. But it works. Sort of.
Doesn’t work too well with vehicles, though.
There were a multitude of small limitations and annoyances, however, that proved to be annoying to deal with in GMod nonetheless.
FIRST PROBLEM: Because GMod isn’t made specifically for animation, resuming a project within it is kind of a hellish endeavor at times. Unlike Source Filmmaker where you can just open a project file and everything remains the same, Garry’s Mod’s saving tool doesn’t save a lot of the addon-related data when you create a save file of whatever scenario you’ve made. That includes stop motion helper animation. While SMH does have its own support for saving animations, you have to save every single animation as its own separate file. Take the scene in PW2DO, for instance, where Phoenix shoots those cops to get the security footage.
https://streamable.com/2ikd1
There are seven moving parts in this scene - Phoenix, the picture frame, both cops, the gun, the shampoo bottle, and the camera. Note how many of these are moving in each camera shot along with how many shots there are (ignoring after the cop goes out the window, because that’s not done with SMH). That’s ten shots, if you didn’t want to count. If I wanted to save this whole scene for potential later tweaking, I’d have to make a save file for the session along with saving the animation data for all ten shots - that’s ten separate animation files for this one scene - and then I would have to manually reapply the animation to each individual moving element.
On top of that, not everything can be saved at all just by sheer concept. The muzzle flash, for instance. While the flash graphic over the gun was added in post, the actual light emanating from it was something I had to do in-game, and it’s not something you can animate with SMH. Therefore, I had to play the animation in GMod, and then specifically time me hitting a button on my keyboard to make the flash happen at just the right point. That’s just one workaround in a program that, when animating in it, is like 80% workarounds.
But nothing about Garry’s Mod frustrated me quite as much as the final fight scene.
PART 4: THE BAR FIGHT
The final fight scene of PW2DO was the one thing that kept me from releasing the video sooner. Seriously, out of that year and a half or so, I’d say only a month or so was spent working on the GMod portions of the video. The rest was just that stupid, godforsaken fight scene. (And mostly procrastinating on making it.) Allow me to try and outline to you what I went through doing this.
Now, the fight scene went through three specific incarnations. They were all based around Maya and Athena tracking down Phoenix and beating the crap out of him, it just differed on two basic things: the location, and the fight music. The first idea I had was them fighting Phoenix in an alleyway while ABBA’s “Waterloo” played in the background. (i know that sounds silly but i swear i couldve made it work) That one didn’t get beyond planning stages - I’d kinda choreographed some of it in my head, I know Phoenix was supposed to get a crowbar at some point, but it didn’t get any farther than that.
The second incarnation was much more well-developed. The way I figured it was as such: Phoenix, after retrieving the security footage from his office, would go on the run and get on a bus. However, when he got on the bus, it’d be revealed that Athena was driving it, and Phoenix would fight Maya as they went down the road. (No comment on how Maya and Athena got a bus.) This was gonna be set to “Let’s Go Crazy” by Prince, inspired by the opening car chase scene from Kingsman: The Golden Circle. (Meh movie, neat fight scenes.) Eventually they’d crash the bus, all go flying out the window, and then Phoenix would get arrested by the cops as he did in the final video. Sounds neat, right? So, what stopped me from doing this?
jesus christ so many things
Everything wrong with this concept centered around one particular problem. I absolutely could not, for the life of me, figure out how to animate a fight scene in a bus that was moving down the road. In SFM that might’ve been possible, but in Garry’s Mod? Good luck with that one. I practically tore my hair out trying to come up with a single working solution to this. Allow me to present to you the various ideas I had and why they all failed miserably.
IDEA 1: Animate the bus moving and the characters moving in it at the same time
This was the fastest-thrown-out idea because the complexity of something like this was just too much for Gmod and an animation addon. What’s that? You want to be able to stay with the scene as it animates? No, that’s basically impossible to do. It’s not like SFM where you could just attach yourself and a camera to the moving vehicle and animate from there. It just wasn’t feasible.
IDEA 2: Create moving textures and place them outside the windows to give the illusion of movement
This one went out the window too, unfortunately, as rotating the camera to any degree kinda just seriously killed the illusion. I could’ve done the scene without the cool cinematic fighting camera movements, but… is it really Phoenix Wright’s Day Off without those?
IDEA 3: Create a 3d video of going down the street in GMOD and paste it onto a greenscreen outside the bus, and animate it rotating properly in Premiere
I don’t blame you if you don’t understand what the hell I’m talking about. See, miraculously enough, there is actually an addon for GMod that allows you to record 360 degree videos within it - and after a decent amount of finicking around with it, I actually managed to make one that seemed to work fine. It was from this point I actually set out and started making the scene - I got about ten seconds in, mostly comprised of driving shots, a neat easter egg with Homestar Runner (not something i’d do nowadays tbh) and a single shot of Phoenix beating on Maya. I was all set to get going.
And then Premiere just refused to work with the 360 video. Don’t get me wrong, I was able to animate it rotating and stuff, but it wouldn’t let me do this at the same time as the normal 2D video that was meant to be pasted on top of it. It frankly just. Wouldn’t let me. And after a lot of struggling, I just. Gave up. That ten seconds of video, trashed.
https://streamable.com/4omnep
I did manage to re-piece it together from the old files on my drive, though. With mostly missing sound effects.
So, that was scrapped. I wasn’t doing the bus fight. What, then, would work out better than a fight scene based off the first fight scene of Golden Circle? Apparently, my mind decided that would be the last fight scene of Golden Circle. Cool.
Thankfully, things went a lot smoother there, but it wasn’t without hiccups. Now, if you’ve seen Phoenix Wright’s Second Day Off - I don’t know why you’re reading this if you haven’t - there’s a chance you might’ve found the music choice for the bar fight scene a bit odd. If you’re not aware, it’s a cover of the 1986 Cameo song “Word Up”, by a German country band called The Bosshoss. This is the song they used in the movie so you’re not allowed to question me on this.
Given how western-y the song sounds, though, I had to at least make the context fit. Despite that, I couldn’t really find any GMod maps that had a good enough bar interior for a while - and I really wanted it to be a bar fight. Bar fights are cool. Thankfully, I did eventually manage to find one. This one, in particular: https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=806759276&searchtext=
Yes, that’s a My Little Pony based map. I worked with what I had, okay? That was the least of the issues, anyway. By this point I’d had enough of trying to animate with GMod, and as such I’d decided to move back to SFM, but that caused a whole new issue. This map wasn’t made for SFM. And opening it in SFM just. Crashed. I won’t go super into detail of how I fixed this, but essentially I had to download a program called BSPSource so I could decompile the map, re-open it in Hammer, and export it to properly work with SFM.
Still left me with some annoying issues though, as you can see. Not too difficult fixes, though - The first one I just covered up with another corkboard, and the second thing was fixed by typing mat_specular 0 in console. Was a bit annoying that I had to do that every time I reopened SFM, but whatever. It was working, at least. (that’s something you’ll think to yourself a lot if you ever get into using SFM.)
Anyway, things went pretty okay from this point on. You know, aside from me proceeding to barely ever work on the thing for like a year and a half. I didn’t have many hardships during it other than my own procrastination, so instead take a look at some of the funny tricks I pulled to get this scene to go the way I wanted.
https://gfycat.com/OldfashionedForkedFlatcoatretriever
Engineer telekinetically swooces his shotgun back to himself.
https://gfycat.com/SleepyShadowyLadybird
I had to make Phoenix hover over Engie to let his arms reach him without his legs obscuring the camera.
https://gfycat.com/AptHomelyGoral
The rope was way too short to reach the soldier, so I had to have Phoenix basically throw the rope in order to reach his gun. I also forgot to detach the rope from his hand afterward, so it kinda gets flung around with it off-camera.
https://gfycat.com/AgonizingScrawnyAbalone
Phoenix apparently decided for himself he wanted to go out the window.
Aside from all that, though, things finally went okay. Eventually. I managed to finish up the animation, add some extra ending stuff in GMod, and do a neat credits sequence to David Bowie music. All in all, it went okay.
And that’s it. After all that waiting, I finally managed to put an 8 minute video out from one and a half years of it not being finished. It was quite a load off my mind, for sure, and to this day it stands as my proudest video. It’s silly, has its down moments, but I can at least confidently say it’s the best Ace Attorney gmod video. If only because there is basically no competition.
So, what’s in store next? Not much of anything as far as I feel right now. I could make a third one, one day - I did envision it as a trilogy - but although I do have some ideas for it, I still have zero motivation to actually make it. So who knows. We’ll see how it goes. Maybe Phoenix Wright will escape from prison one day.
So, this was the experience of making Phoenix Wright’s Second Day Off. I hope this gave you something of an idea on how agonizing this video was to make, and totally means you should go and share it everywhere to get me more views because I DESERVE it after the hell I went through.
Seriously, though, thanks for reading, and may this post serve as a warning if you ever decide to do Garry’s Mod or SFM videos. Not a warning against it, mind you, you can make some totally cool stuff. Just be prepared to suffer a bit in the process.
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Suits: One Last Con (9x10)
Okay, so then what happens next is that Harvey and Donna move to Seattle, and they become closer than ever to Rachel and Mike. At least once a week, Harvey and Mike have a "guy's night" while Donna and Rachel have a "girl's night." And then, gradually, they realize they've ended up with the wrong people. So they all get divorced and then Donna and Rachel become a couple, and Mike and Harvey become a couple. Someone please tell me they're writing that fic.
Oh, sorry. Was I supposed to talk about the episode? Let's get to it.
Cons:
I predicted last week that this episode would be overcrowded, and I wasn't wrong, exactly. I'm grateful that the conflict with Faye was over before the midpoint, so we could have a nice long goodbye with all of the characters. But while I do enjoy that, I also must admit it doesn't make a lot of sense. Faye was a season-long threat, and she's dispatched a third of the way through the finale. It just goes to show that as interesting of a villain as she might have been in the beginning, she didn't really matter. She was a figurehead. She didn't really change anything about these people and their perspectives on their lives. It all felt pretty pointless in the end.
No matter how much fan service a finale has, there are always going to be things that get missed. For example, it seems strange to me that Jessica couldn't have made a cameo at Louis' wedding. She's working on another show for the same creators; how hard would it have been to get her in for a few minutes? And I hate that Alex was the one to go to Katrina. On the one hand, I get it. They needed to find something for Alex to do in this episode, because he's been a pointless character for several weeks. But Harvey and Katrina never get a moment of apology, and that really sucks.
I've talked a lot in these reviews about my issues with Donna and Harvey. It's not that they're painful to watch, or actively unpleasant. The actors do a good job. It's perfectly serviceable. But I think I've finally figured out one of the reasons why they never quite clicked for me as a couple. Harvey is always talking about how Donna knows him better than anyone. But this is what editors mean when they say "show, don't tell." Donna knows Harvey. We've seen it throughout the years. But how does she show that she knows him? Well, she has the supernatural ability to read his mind and predict his requirements whenever the plot requires it. And she acts like is mommy just as often as she acts like his girlfriend, guiding him through his emotions like an enabler.
But Harvey can say again and again that Donna is the one for him, and how well she gets him... and then we can see Mike in the same episode, showing that same thing, instead of telling it. I'm not even pushing for a romantic interpretation, necessarily. It's just that Mike comes in, and they have their quippy banter. They work together to take down Faye. They re-enact Mike's interview with Harvey but in reverse. They find excuses to touch each other. And in an episode that involved two weddings and a health scare, the single most emotional moment in the episode is when Harvey tries to leave Mike's apartment dramatically after telling Mike he's never stopped trusting him, and Mike says "no," like the very idea of Harvey losing his license is torture to him. They have the chemistry. They have the beating heart of this show, and that's been true from day one. It makes the romance between Harvey and Donna pale in comparison.
Also, in an episode that had to accomplish so many things, so quickly, it was odd to add in that little health scare for Sheila. Why did her pregnancy have to have complications? It felt like something to add just to make for some more drama, but we really didn't need that. I'm glad that mother and daughter were both okay.
Pros:
I was always going to rant and ramble a lot in this review, since it's the last one for the show. But just because I had a lot to say in the "cons" section doesn't mean there was nothing to enjoy here. Let's start with my girl Katrina.
As I said, I was irritated that she and Harvey didn't have an on-screen reconciliation. But I am so, so happy for her that she gets to be name partner! It's so refreshing to have a character arc on this show be about a woman choosing her career over her love life, and having that be an empowering and rewarding choice to make. I'm all about it. She gets to come back to the firm, newly powerful, and stand with Alex, Samantha, and Louis.
Samantha and Alex were both underutilized in this finale, but I get it. I'd rather focus on the longer-standing characters, too. And the show did a good job of making this episode the end of an era for Harvey and Donna, and yet also a new beginning for the others. The image of the new firm name on the wall was really lovely. I especially liked that Samantha acknowledged how crazy it was that they'd kept changing the name, and decided that they can't change it anymore for at least five years. But Litt Wheeler Williams Bennett will be stronger for Katrina's presence among them.
Louis has one of the best glow-ups in TV history. There were times over the years where I didn't think I'd be able to forgive him. I still selfishly hold a grudge for that time when he physically attacked Mike. But at the end of the day, he has actually grown as a person. This is a great example of show vs. tell, actually. We've seen it all season - Louis has been calmer. He gets angry or worked up about something, but he doesn't fly off the handle. When he tells his therapist that he's ready to have him as a friend and have him officiate the wedding, it doesn't feel like empty words. Louis might still need therapy in his life, but he has the tools now to know how to get himself the help he needs. It was so fun to see his "final form" as it were. And then we see it put to the test, as Sheila goes into labor during their wedding ceremony. You might expect him to freak out, but he's calm. He's planned for this, and he's there to be supportive for Sheila during this difficult time. Even while he's frantic for her and the baby in the hospital, he keeps a cool head and doesn't do anything he would later regret. Yay Louis! (ps - Louis learning that Donna and Harvey were leaving was more emotional for me than Harvey and Donna's wedding). (pps - that scene of Donna and Louis holding hands in the elevator gave me LIFE).
It was predictable that Harvey and Donna would step up and take advantage of the pre-arranged wedding - a lot of fans predicted this exact outcome. And while I've spoken extensively on my mixed feelings about their relationship, I can't deny the cuteness of the scene. We get that lovely proposal, with Harvey's mother's ring. We get Mike putting his arms around both of them, with his little quip about being unlicensed to officiate. We get Harvey and Mike gripping hands as Harvey leads Donna out for their first dance. It's all very cute, and I feel happy for the big Darvey fans out there. They totally deserve to see all of that happiness, even if I don't agree with the couple at its core. This is the inevitable conclusion, and it was done quite beautifully.
Will I ever be over how much Harvey and Mike love each other? I really don't think so. Let's talk about the best parts of the episode.
First of all, I already mentioned it above, but that scene at Mike's place was just golden. Mike walking in to find Harvey already there was great - they have always just barged in to each other's personal spaces and that's such a testament to the trust between them. And then you have Harvey telling Mike the truth, and telling him that he's going to have to go on the stand and risk getting disbarred. Mike's reaction is genuine panic, and then the two of them concoct a plan that will save the day. I just love the idea of Harvey going over there not to ask for Mike's help, but because he couldn't stand the thought of Mike thinking he didn't trust him. That's love, baby.
Then you've got the interview-in-reverse thing at the end. I could spend hours just squealing about the fact that Donna and Harvey are leaving the firm and moving to Seattle (my home town! woo!) to be with Mike and Rachel. Hey, maybe the four of them could all be in a poly relationship... but that's for fanfic to decide, I guess. Good finales need to come full circle, and also need to set the characters up for changing futures. This idea of Harvey moving to Seattle, of Mike being Harvey's boss, manages to do both. They are quippy and cute with each other, but also genuine. Harvey decides to leave the firm in order to take out Faye, but he also genuinely wants a fresh start. His life changed forever when Mike walked into his life, and I really do feel like that was the final message the show left me with, when the dust had settled.
So... yeah. I can't find it in myself to be a hardcore Darvey shipper. This finale was never going to cater to all of my needs. But at the end of the day, I was mighty pleased with several of the scenes, and I love where it left all of the characters, in terms of their careers and happiness. For this finale, I'll give a rating of...
7.5/10
For the show as a whole? Well, I hate to break it to anyone who's unaware of this, but Suits isn't that great of a show. It has a couple of really strong elements, but over the years its stories became repetitive, and there's quite a lot that doesn't actually make sense about these characters and their motivations. But I don't grade these shows based on objective quality. I grade them based on the elements that I enjoy most in a show. For years, whenever Suits came back on the air, it was one of the things I looked forward to most each week. I longed for every scrap of content between Harvey and Mike that I could possibly get. There are moments over the years that I have gone back and watched in a loop because of those two. I also liked the way the show deconstructed toxic masculinity, and had a feminist message that didn't feel like something out of an after school special. I had fun watching this show, and I will think of it fondly for years to come. The show over-all gets:
8/10
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// @asaraltu
𝐚 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 (𝐢𝐧 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐬𝐰𝐨𝐨𝐩).
『 ℙ𝔸𝔾𝔼 𝟙 ...
As you're reading this, please don't be alarmed by the suspicious stains. As it happened, that chakra receiver I stashed turned out to be useful, although the judgement behind it was questionable on the impulsive front… and unfortunately, just a touch messy. But don't worry—I only used it for that second you may well have already felt. I can only hope you didn’t take it as motivation to zap away to another dimension for good. That would make the frog delivering this rather irate with me.
So while I amend to ‘as you’re hopefully reading this’… please also rest assured that it won’t contain anything explicit to avert your delicate gaze from this time. I just… need my words to reach you in a way that can’t be muddled. There’s a lot to say that I wasn’t able to when you left me here, all soggy and crestfallen, and I hope you’ll bear with me because I don’t intend on editing these pages at all between now and sending. I want this to be from the heart.
Having said that, I’ll have to begin in earnest a little later. There are things I must do first. I apologise.
... 𝔼ℕ𝔻 ℙ𝔸𝔾𝔼』
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『 ℙ𝔸𝔾𝔼 𝟚 ...
As you’re reading this, it’s now some time after I originally started, and I’m currently sorting through my possessions. Luckily Tsunade kept them when my house was sold off, although I effectively ended up moving back in when I offered the new owner double its worth. After all, one could consider this little place my ‘ancestral home’, by which I mean my mother bought the plot and built it with her own two brawny hands.
So I’m sorting through my possessions, most of which were kindly unpacked for me already by way of very direct contact with my person, or the surrounding ground. She isn’t happy with me, to say the least. But at least it’s not like these are things I’ve missed—well, except maybe for all the magazines…
I’d like to say that Konoha has changed, outside of the modernised elements. Well... I suppose it has, in that the kids nowadays aren’t quite so aware of the concept of dying in a senseless war. But as you probably know already, the system is still in place in a lot of areas. Thanks to Naruto, though, it seems to be improving. My only worry is that he still doesn’t fully appreciate the violent history that the village still needs to make amends for. He’s a little like me in that respect. Takes him a while to catch on... but once he does, he’s on it like wildfire.
I’ll have to write you properly a little later on—and before you start thinking anything like my old editor would’ve, I’m not procrastinating.
... 𝔼ℕ𝔻 ℙ𝔸𝔾𝔼』
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『 ℙ𝔸𝔾𝔼 𝟛 ...
As you’re reading this, I’m in one of my favourite old bars on the main road, not far outside the village itself... on my way back from Otogakure, of all places. While I was surprised by Orochimaru’s turning of a new leaf, what didn’t surprise me was his response to seeing me on his doorstep, alive. ‘It’s about time’ he said, with that raspy chuckle of his, as if he somehow knew all along. No anger, no grand exclamations of how he’d grieved... just that amused glint in his eyes, and a factual rundown of what he’s been up to since—over a few drinks, of course. He’s always been a truly weird one. Difficult to read. But in this case particularly, it was more than appreciated.
This bar. It’s always been here—about as long as the village has, as far as I’m aware—and the seats are just as battered as I remember them. I spotted some graffiti I carved into the table from when I wasn’t by any stretch old enough to be here… gods, do I feel ancient now. I can’t help but wonder if you ever sat in this place once, too? Don’t be alarmed by the suspicious stains, by the way… I have company showing up and I’m already a good few drinks down...
*
I shouldn’t be writing when I’m like this BUT HERE I GO.
You are so obsessed with this phrase: ‘the villain of the story’. I’ve considered it every time you’ve said it—do you realise exactly how many times you’ve said it?—and it’s always like some last ditch effort to limit yourself more than anything else. It must be, because it doesn’t convince me one bit! How can it, when I’ve seen your smile? Felt how instinctively you lean into me, like you’ll sink into the earth if you don’t? Seen you nurturing those funny little fledglings like some walking, living, breathing nest? I’ve talked with you about the stories I want to write, and you’ve been interested in them, encouraged me all the way. You helped me grow stronger in ways I thought impossible for someone like me. I’ve still got that damn antler you picked for me, and my hair always looks great.
I’d just love to know, in what part of that story are you the villain??
It’s just frustrating to me because you’re not completely wrong, but at the same time you blind yourself to so many parallels.
I held myself back in Myōbokuzan because a certain task was fulfilled, and I didn’t know where to go from there. I still do believe that particular story is now complete, done and dusted. It was a tragic story, with a bittersweet ending. But this is a new one—and you’re the one who helped me realise it, you know that? You were the one to make me see that the past shouldn’t withhold me from what I want and need now, in the present. Only, you’re confusing your role within it, because you’re so rooted in your old tale even while you tell me that I’m stuck in a rut, stuck in my need to redeem both you and myself. As if it wasn’t both of us trying to find our way through each other, you kept being ‘the villain of the story’.
And where are you now? Still doing nothing to suggest you are that same old villain, as always. I have my ways of knowing these things, Madara. You told me a long time ago what you hoped to achieve, and I hear that things have progressed smoothly. So it seems a bit fucking ridiculous that I can’t be part of it. All of these people coming to this new haven of yours, they probably weren’t left unscathed by all your ill-doings either, and yet towards you they flock.
You’re just afraid of what might have been, had we faced these new horizons together, and I don’t think it’s just the fear of having it all stripped away. If that was the case, you would be withering away alone instead of surrounding yourself with loved ones. Look—I was afraid, too. Still am! But I’d still look that fear in the face and tell it to go screw itself if it meant we could—
…
Fact of the matter is, this story of mine—it started off so slow and directionless, a stream of consciousness going endlessly onwards to nothing. But I woke up, and it became something real and vital and new… because of you. Someone who was previously nameless, faceless—the big plot twist last time, somebody I didn’t know or even consider…
You are the face of my story now, you get that? You. And I can’t get that face of yours out of my head.
Just
wake up.
【𝕊𝕀𝔻𝔼 𝟚】
As you’re reading this (extremely long piece of paper—which no way am I gonna reread), I’m really feeling the punishment for last night. You know that feeling of an encroaching hangover while you’re actually still drunk? Well, maybe you don’t. But it’s fucking dreadful. Tsunade goes as hard as ever.
... Is it strange to say that she and I have too much history, comparing it to all those things you told me you’ve done? Last night, after she begrudgingly forgave me for staying away for so long, we were exactly the way we always were. You don’t know what that means, but I’ll take this opportunity to explain it to you.
We’re those friends that constantly abuse each other, but only because we know each other so well, and know exactly how to avoid opening up too far at the risk of all those messy emotions running riot. We’re the friends people would constantly look at and marvel at the fact we weren’t already married. Once upon a time, I was insistent that we would eventually be together—at least, until she met the love of her life, only to lose him within a short few years. This was one of the most devastating things to witness, both as one who was in love with her and as her best friend. Something within her was broken. I think she might even have secretly loved me, but she would never consider it because of the pain she was growing all too familiar with. The pain of losing a brother, a lover… it creates all sorts of impenetrable barriers inside.
Throughout all the times I was rejected by her, it never hurt too badly because we were friends. I always had her in the way that meant the most, that I treasured most, and the way it always will be.
... 𝔼ℕ𝔻 ℙ𝔸𝔾𝔼』
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『 ℙ𝔸𝔾𝔼 𝟜 ...
As you’re reading this, I hope you’ll forgive me for going back on my promise on the first page of this letter.
I can’t help it. Whenever I find myself with a lapse in activity, you come to me in the smallest and most maddening ways. The smell of your hair, your nails pressing into my skin, the tang of sweat on your face and neck. I’m consumed by the phantom heat of your body, a constant weight of longing that grips my bones like a demon perched on my rib cage, sucking out my soul in the night.
If that sounds dramatic, that’s because it is.
Nothing ignites me the way you do, even while being deprived of you besides what my stupid, sad mind taunts me with. Nobody provokes in me that same, raw, sweltering heat that comes over my entire body in a deluge. But more than that—more than the fact I need to be inside you like I need air—it’s everything afterwards that I miss the most, that hurts the most to remember. Your lips, bruised, curling into a smile that you think is cocky, but is much too soft every time. The lazy kisses as we come down from that glorious high, melting bonelessly into each other like a whole new being made up of tangled limbs. Gazing into your eyes and feeling that profound connection deepen further and further, seeping into my very foundations.
How could you—scratch that, how dare you—tell me that you love me, but I was confused?
You don’t think I know love? I’m a man who has spent his life in love—if not with somebody, then with love itself. I’ve expressed it in books to fill the void of something real and tangible, pages upon pages of vulnerability that I wasn’t ever capable of sharing with anyone in the flesh, only for you to tell me that all you were to me, all I opened myself up for, was a fantasy. A distraction. A project. And look at me now—still here and still very much alone because I’m so wrapped in a love that can’t be fulfilled, an absence that has manifested once more as a few feverish lines on a page to ease an ailing heart.
You said it yourself once: nobody makes me feel so possessed.
... 𝔼ℕ𝔻 ℙ𝔸𝔾𝔼 』
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『 ℙ𝔸𝔾𝔼 𝟝 ...
As you’re reading this, it’s been over twelve months since you left, and seven since I started putting pen to paper. That was also about the time I decided to take your advice, leave Myōbokuzan myself, and reconnect with my loved ones in Konoha. I’d actually hoped this would be sent long before now, and certainly before your birthday, but as you can imagine there was a whole lot of other things I had to work through. I was glad to be informed that my gift made it to you and you were found well (at your age, one can never be fully certain of these things).
More than anything else right now, I want you to know how proud I am of what you’ve done. I don’t need to elaborate much further on that, but it leads me to something I remember telling Naruto a long, long time ago: that ‘home’ is where someone thinks of you.
Looking back, I think that was rather naive of me to say, placing importance on the place itself rather than the people within it. People drift. Not always far, but others have callings to distant lands that can’t be ignored—I know this better than most. What you’ve created… yes, that certainly is home to you, isn’t it? You have people there, all of whom think the world of you.
But that home could be somewhere entirely new, and it would still be home because those who hold you dear will always bear a part of you, and you them. The place doesn’t matter. Konoha is my home, but between here and this place in the Land of Lightning that I’ve yet to even see, my heart is painfully stretched due to circumstance. Just as I know that Konoha is no home in your eyes, yet as long as I’m here you are always, always here with me—whether you like it or not.
Am I still with you, too? Is this path one-way? Is there only one of us who wants to ‘return’?
I have to know.
... 𝔼ℕ𝔻 ℙ𝔸𝔾𝔼』
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68 Quotes I Enjoyed From 2019
Below are my favorite quotes from 2019. Though most occurred throughout the year, some took place before but were encountered during.
1) “I don’t bitch about Millenials.
John Entwistle once complained that he didn’t understand rap. Pete Townsend said, ‘It’s not our job to understand it. It’s our job to get the fuck out of the way.’
New generations come of age. The older generation’s job is to shut up and adapt.” - @danagould
2) “I can’t do drugs with you until we kiss.”
3) “If you pay me $50 I'll show up to your funeral but stand really far away, holding a black umbrella regardless of the weather, so that people think you died with a dark and interesting secret.” - @DanaSchwartzzz
4) “A human being is a dangerous thing to let loose in a room with itself, when it cannot think.” - Roger Ebert
5) “There are no bad bourbons, only better bourbons.” - Dave Hernandez
6) “You can’t put a dollar in a kimono.”
7) “This is how it was.” - rampant takeaway from watching ‘Superbad’ several years after its release
8) “What if I had been born fifty years before you in a house on the street where you lived / Maybe I’d be outside as you passed on your bike / Would I know? / And in a wide sea of eyes, I see one pair that I recognize” - Ben Folds, ‘The Luckiest’
9) “Learn the rules so you can break them.”
10) “Nobody makes chili for two.” - Stacy Massey
11) “‘Best city in the world,’ I mutter to myself, as i adjust my ‘driving blanket’.” - Chicago resident Deanna Belos, during the 2019 Polar Vortex
12) “Dude, no one’s ever got arrested for listening to Counting Crows.” - Ricky O’Donnell, justifying late night music volume at his party
13) Bill Belichick: We’re going to have fun tonight.
Rob Gronkowski: Yes we are. We deserve it.
Belichick: You’re damn right.
Gronk: I haven’t stepped out in like eight months. I gotta step out tonight.
Belichick: I’m with you, man. I’m even going to step out.
Gronk: Oh, I like it!
A Super Bowl winning exchange.
14) Center David Andrews thanked Bill Belichick for giving him "a shot".
Belichick disagreed with it.
Andrews: Thank you for giving me a shot.
Belichick: A shot? I didn't give you shit. You earned it! I don't give anything.
Another Super Bowl winning exchange.
15) “We elected one of the very worst living human beings to be President, and it's exhausting. Each and every day, it's an exhausting slog, just to exist in a world where that's true.” - Michael Schur
16) “Some of y’all always picked Odd Job when you played Goldeneye and it shows” - @thedad
17) “Any app is a dating app if you try hard enough.” - Z.W. Martin (though he says it’s lifted)
18) "Once you're as woke as I am, you learn to feel bad all the time.”
19) “Everything’s a balance beam when you’re 90.” - John Dingell
20) [I wake up in a world where The Beatles never existed]
Me: Check out this song I just wrote
[I begin playing “Ob La Di Ob La Da” without having first built up years of goodwill]
Crowd of people: Wow, this sucks ass
-- @seanoneal
21) “People change people.” - Corey Matthews, Girl Meets World
22) “The easiest thing to do on earth is not write.” - William Goldman
23) “Dan could be like a difficult uncle. I didn’t love his fire-breathing conservative politics. I didn’t love the transformation that came over his novels. In Semi-Tough, he created two benighted Texas jocks and laid their prejudices bare. He was declaring himself a member of the Mark Twain coaching tree. In later books, Dan seemed to be trying to prove he could still tell a racist joke. He insisted that his memoir—the last truly immaculate piece of writing he delivered—include a tirade against political correctness. When his editor said people might be offended, Dan said, ‘Fuck people.’
There are certain writers whose style you pilfer. Certain writers whose moral fiber you try to inherit. For me, Dan represented a third category: a writer whose aura you replicate—or, failing that, try to stand in for a while.” - Bryan Curtis, on Dan Jenkins
24) “Never marry anything. Never choose. Even in love, it's better to be chosen.” - La Dolce Vita
25) “An uncluttered, uncomplicated happy ending might sound wonderful, but it’s hardly ever satisfying. Because the value of great stories lies in the tension between desire and need, between the yearning for the ideal, and the unshakable conviction that ideals don’t really exist, at least not the way we want them to. A great story should hurt a little when it leaves us. There should be some hope, but that hope should remain somewhere just an inch beyond our fingers, because that’s the truth. Even if you had all the perfect moments in the world, you’d still be reaching.” - Zach Handlen, on the Futurama series finale
26) “You can’t see him because he has sunglasses on.” - Alissa Levy
27) “The cinema is the greatest art form ever conceived for generating emotions in its audience. That's what it does best. (If you argue instead for dance or music, drama or painting, I will reply that the cinema incorporates all of these arts).” - Roger Ebert
28) “‘Are you gonna let politics ruin a friendship?’
Yes tf I am
People talk about politics as if it’s this isolated, abstract concept that only matters at election time. Somebody’s politics is their world view. It’s whether they think certain human beings deserve rights. It’s how they think the world should be. And if somebody thinks that the world should be colder, meaner, less accepting and downright hostile to people that are different to them, then sure as fuck is the friendship over.”
29) “Can the Supreme Court get me mushrooms?” - J-Papp
30) “Any song under two minutes already has a head start on its way into my heart. Just scream at me and then leave me.” - Drew Magary
31) “Long neck cold beers never broke my heart.” - Clemson Tom
32) “I’d just like to point out that the last spoken words of Game of Thrones were:
‘I once brought a jackass and a honeycomb into a brothel.’”
- @Authoroux
33) “Just once before I die, I want to toss my keys to someone and tell them ‘Bring the car around’.” - Mike Skully
34) “For all the weight they're given, last words are usually as significant as first words.” - Grand Maester Pycelle, Game of Thrones
35) “The best remedy for unrequited love is a trip around the world.” - Cheers
36) [on switching from a hotel to a motel]
Manny: I don't like the sound of that. A lot of amenities disappear when an H turns into an M.
Jay: Hey when I met you, you were eating cereal out of a bucket.
-- Modern Family
37) “You and Lindsey don’t want to be ‘estranged’. Estranged is the relationship we want to have with our mothers.” - MegFil
38) “Cigarettes are undefeated.”
39) “My toes are like my fingers on my feet. I can pick stuff up with them.” - Tracy Cunningham
40) “Republicans govern without shame, Democrats shame without governing.” - Bill Maher
41) Sam: I don’t understand the vagaries of the Internet
Josiah: Post often, without thought, and you’ll either get cancelled or cancel someone else.
-- Blink-155
42) “Hang a lantern on your problems.”
43) “What a weird web we weave.” - The Situation, The Jersey Shore: Family Vacation
44) “Let the ocean worry about being blue.” - Alabama Shakes, ‘Hang Loose’
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45) “Honesty without tact is cruelty.” - Shelley Rokos
46) “My whole life is the wrong porn link.”
47) “One parent can take care of 10 kids, but 10 kids cannot take care of one parent.” - Joe Gestetner, via “an old Yiddish saying”
48) “There are no heroes in the room.” - Classics of Love, ‘Gun Show’
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49) “If I am a little dismissive, it's only because of my harrowing backstory.” - Mitchell, Modern Family (on why he doesn't like sports)
50) “Every time I’m wearing black, I meet a dog.” - Tracy Cunningham
51) “Shower sex? Why would I fuck in my crying chamber” - @chridollarsign
52) “My theory about quarterbacks, having written about some of them, is you either have to believe in god or think you are a god.” - Mina Kimes
53) “The contradictions of capitalism always manifest in our lyrics if you look deeply.” - Blake Schwarzenbach of Jawbreaker, Riot Fest 2019
54) “Got a ‘hang loose’ from the weakside bartender.”
55) “It’s Jennifer’s birthday always.” - Eric Hutchinson
56) “I can’t think of a less relevant artist in 2019 than Kanye West. A Jesus freak in a MAGA hat. Yeah, congrats dude -- you’re every grandma who watches ‘Young Sheldon’ and mails checks to Joel Osteen now.” - Dan Ozzi
57) “The past and future are in the mind. I’m in the now.” - Tom Brady, via someone else
58) “Sometimes you walk around boring places and you feel like the most exciting thing in it.” - Drew Magary
59) “Sitting is the new smoking.” - Modern Family
60) “I'll straight up fight folks at a book club and discuss books at a fight club I really don't give a shit anymore.” - George Wallace
61) “Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.” - Rose Garvey via wine country
62) “It’s all ‘ok boomer’ until you need someone who can drive stick shift.” - @OrdinaryAlso
63) “He likes the result of the math.” - Dad, talking about my worst subject frustrating during the process but satisfying in the end
64) Stepmom: Do you want a Bears urn or Alabama urn?
Dad: Ask me after they play Auburn.
65) “A cold body carries a warm heart.” - Stefanos Tsitsipas’ Instagram, after his Iceland sabbatical
66) [preparing a dish called the Sandwich of Justice with his friend’s recipe]
"The fun thing about it is when you give it to someone, you can say 'Justice is served.’ That's, uh, Ryan's line. I built my whole life on the backs of my friends." - You Suck At Cooking
67) “Usually three people can keep a secret only when two of them are dead.” - The Irishman
68) “An artist can't control who consumes their content any more than a chemist can control how their chemicals are used once they're created.” - Brian Crooks
#2019#quotes#the irishmen#Robert De Niro#stefanos tsitsipas#bill belichick#nfl#new england patriots#game of thrones#you suck at cooking#dan jenkins#roll tide#alabama#parents#math#jersey shore#the situation#classics of love#alabama shakes#superbad#futurama#sincere engineer#roger ebert#atp#rtr#rgdt#auburn#gronk
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January 22nd-January 28th, 2020 Reader Favorites Archive
The archive for the Reader Favorites chat that occurred from January 22nd, 2020 to January 28th, 2020. The chat focused on the following question:
How do you react to comics going on hiatus, and how does that affect your readership for it?
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Being a webcomic artist, I'm always very understanding when an author needs a break. Life happens, and most of us are hobbyists. I will wait as long as it takes for the comic to come back, even if that means years. I'll keep checking in every few months unless the artist makes a post saying the comic is dead and they're moving on (and if 'moving on' means starting a new comic, I'll usually start following it). I have quite a few life circumstances that have forced long hiatuses of my own comics, so I feel it would be a tad hypocritical of me to give up on a comic that needs a long break or has to update very infrequently for a while. Also since I have trouble following a lot of comics at once, my reading list is fairly short and it's easier for me to be very dedicated to and patient with the comics I do read.(edited)
snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)
Even before I started doing webcomics, I knew it wasn't the end of the world when a comic went on hiatus. Like, it's free entertainment, I don't blame the author for not sticking to a specific schedule. As for if it affects my readership... yeah? I usually stop checking in after a year or so if a comic hasn't had any updates, and even in that time I don't check up very often. And I don't often re-read hiatus'd comics until they come back off hiatus (as a sort of refresher) so they don't usually get my readership that way either.
varethane
I don't have any hard feelings when creators go on hiatus, whatever their reasons; life happens, webcomics are a lot of work for (often) little compensation, and people's priorities change over time. It's fine. I am one of those readers who is often prone to having a short attention span, though, so I confess that if a comic goes on hiatus and its creator isn't active on social media, there's a pretty good chance I'll lose track of it. And if the comic returns after a hiatus of more than a year, it may take some months before I will come back as a reader, just because I would need to reread the story in order to catch back up with what's going on.
SAWHAND
I don't tend to keep up with webcomics on a day-to-day basis anyway. I prefer to wait and then be able to binge-read a whole chapter or at least a few pages at a time. I actually really like when comics do a brief hiatus in between chapters to build up a backlog of pages and then post a lot of pages quickly (more than someone usually would do anyway) and then go back on hiatus. Kind of like seasons on tv.
Deo101 [Millennium]
I just had a hiatus that went longer than a year so I can't really fault an artist for needing a break. I understand, and also it doesnt bother me too much because I just read whenever there is an update, it's not like I'm checking at the scheduled time or anything! When it updates, I'll be there.
LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)
Life happens, circumstances change, people grow. So many of us are making webcomics at very transformative times of our lives - we can outgrow the stories, get tired of them, or begin to associate them with bad memories (poor artistic partnerships, commercial failures, etc). If a really good webcomic I follow goes on hiatus, of course I'll be disappointed. But behind every webcomic is an author with a life. If the webcomic is keeping their life from improving, then screw the webcomic. I'm always far more concerned about the person.(edited)
I get SO much joy watching webcomics come back after a long hiatus. It's worth any sadness felt during the hiatus itself. And I'm not happy just because the story is back - but because it's a sign that the author has taken care of themselves. You can often feel it in the new pages. It's really cool and good to see.
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January 23, 2020
Kabocha
I think it depends on the comic. I prefer it when a creator can say, "hey, I'm going on hiatus" so I know to stop checking (or to set my expectations accordingly). They don't necessarily have to post an end date, but if they can, that's always good! Sometimes creators just stop updating, and that's fine too. But one's comic's site is going to be the central hub for anything regarding your comic's news, too. There are some comics where... I'm a little less understanding of hiatuses with complete silence -- and these are usually ones that have an actual publisher backing them and paying for the project's completion. Like, I get that life gets in the way, but when making said comic is your job -- or you have a perceived contractual obligation, maybe your publisher ought to step up and say something if the project is on hold or delayed or something. There's something about the line between "I am doing this project for free and the occasional donation" versus "I am getting paid for this project's completion as a product" that kind of... I dunno, makes the whole thing feel a little different? Like, sure, it might be up for free online, but like... when there's an actual publisher or platform paying the creator to make it it and they've got editors and stuff... It's less like someone's brain baby and more like a product. I actually have a folder in my favorites for comics on hiatus, but ArchiveBinge also tells me when they updated last, so... Not a huge deal. My ability or desire to read a project isn't hugely affected by a comic's status on hiatus, but I have found with some comics that come back years after going on a break... Well, I've changed enough that I'm no longer their target audience. And it can suck to realize that.
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
@LadyLazuli (Phantomarine) Oh man, your comment about being able to feel that an author has taken care of themselves after coming back from a long hiatus reminded me of when I once returned a comic from a 3 year long hiatus. I had put it on hiatus after a ‘friend’ completely ripped it apart and essentially called it trash. I was already going through some really bad stuff IRL and I lost all motivation to keep going. But three years later I came back, and the colours in the pages were so much brighter and more vibrant. The change was so obvious a reader actually gave me an impassioned speech about how the previous muted, greyish palette was a a better fit for the story. But only a few pages later they changed their mind and said they were wrong; the more vivid colours worked after all. I think maybe they could see how happy I was to be working on it again.... and maybe just how much happier I was in general. Sorry for the long anecdote; that second paragraph just really hit home for me. (edited)
MJ Massey
I think it depends on a few factors for me. In general I am pretty understanding of hiatus in general - it can be really good for the creator to take a break and set things in order for themselves as well as putting out work they enjoy rather than rushing to get a page out. Especially if this is someone's side gig. I appreciate it all the more if the creator can be honest. Even if they can't give a return date, coming out and saying "I can't work on this comic right now" is enough and perfectly fine
I get annoyed if someone who is PAID to make a comic just disappears and won't take responsibility. If it's your job, then you can't just run away from it. Again, even saying something like "I cannot work on the comic for now" is fine, but don't just run off and make some vague remarks on your social media that's not even where your readers normally engage with you.
I also agree that any partners, like a publisher or editor, that might be employing said artist could also step up and let readers know what's going on. If any of that happens, I am happy to wait as long as it takes
Readers are more understanding than you think, it's okay to just come out and say you're gonna miss updates, need time off, etc. You don't need to say anything more than that.
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
I'm not quite understanding the hostility towards people who get paid for creating webcomics, but hiatuses aren't something i could really call our personal business to make any calls regarding their obligations. Like @LadyLazuli (Phantomarine) said, life happens and circumstances change. I'm pretty sure whomever the creator is with has their own reasons as creative projects evolve differently for everyone and that their parties concerned have dealt with it in a necessary way. That is just the nature of them, we won't know or understand the full picture, and while i get being disappointed, it's not something that can be helped! I encourage hiatuses in fact, because webcomics are A LOT of work!! It can give the creator time for revisions, writing the story, and general self reflection of the project. I've stated this before on twitter, but ppl tend to forget that webcomics are typically made by 1-2 ppl and can produce the quality/quantity easily created by a small studio. Take a break!
Kabocha
It's not a hostility thing necessarily, but I do think that when, like, an actual publisher is involved, there should be some sort of expectation of... I dunno, communication? Traditionally published books and such get delayed (and canceled), but usually there's some form of communication as to the change in release dates or if it's going to come out at all. I think that's more or less the expectation with something that's being paid for by a publisher: That there's some form of communication between the audience regarding the story's state or future. It doesn't have to be a total "HI THIS IS MY LIFE" just more of a "hi the comic's on hold". But hiatuses, I think, are maybe different than a break? As a creator, I traditionally take a break between chapters to do editing and such, but I think a hiatus tends to be more... unplanned for. (and I'm not exempt from going on hiatus - I've had issues this winter that made it necessary for me to tell my readers "hi I'm not updating until april". So I'm sympathetic to health/life -- but I do think a "hi the comic's on hold" on the comic's site is warranted in a lotta cases.)
(or hell, even a "the comic's canceled" is fine too hoo boy, I just saw one that I wasn't aware of that got canceled for life issues... I feel for the creators.)
RebelVampire
I'm kind of on the higher standard for creators who are being paid to do it as a job train. At least a higher standard of communication. Cause I never really consider the hiatus itself the problem, but how the author communicates about the hiatus. Cause again, when being paid to do something, I just kind of expect more professionalism, and communication is a huge part of professionalism.
Kabocha
I think webcomics with a publisher -- like, an actual "hi we are paying you to produce this work" that isn't just patreon -- it's more of a commercial work. In one of the cases I have in mind, they're paid to do it per-page, through a well-known webcomics publisher. Sure, the creator loses out, because they're not being paid, but it is also a commercial work in the end. They have an editor, ostensibly someone to communicate with them and the manager, and went through some sort of acquisitions process to sell the work to that publisher. Kinda like the difference between "hi this is my fanfic" versus "hi this is my book that I got put through a small press pub"
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I agree. Ghosting your paying customers is very unprofessional. Just informing readers that there’s a break or cancellation feels necessary if money’s involved. I‘d feel pretty burned if a comic I was pledging for on patreon just stopped updating for more than a few months without any communication whatsoever. A quick note that says ‘Hey, my comic is on break for an indeterminate amount of time because I need to take care of some things / am creatively exhausted / whatever other vague reason’ and I would understand. But if I’m paying the creator and they just vanish without a word, you can bet I won’t trust them enough to pay them again even if they come back later.
RebelVampire
Yeah. Those are my feels too. That it doesn't even need to be some essay message. It's just the giving a heads up so you're not sitting there staring wondering if someone fell into the abyss.
Nutty (Court of Roses)
You can say Tessa Stone, it's okay.
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I... I don’t know who that is?
Nutty (Court of Roses)
She was the author of Hanna is Not a Boy's Name. Very popular webcomic, did a kickstarter for a book, then vanished with the money, and reappeared four years later working for another company.
Kabocha
That's... Not who was in mind.
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Oh wow that’s scummy.
I’d read the comic waaaaay back but dropped it long before there was a KS.
Nutty (Court of Roses)
Yeah. Other than that, I always understand when hiatuses happen, we all have lives outside our comics.
RebelVampire
Professional comics aside, overall, for me, my reaction to a comic going on hiatus depends on a ton of factors. I will preface this first part, is that I'm always understanding of it. Life happens, interests change, etc. etc. etc. I would never tell a creator not to go on hiatus or that they were magically a bad creator or something for needing to stop for a bit (or indefinitely). People should take care of themselves both physically and emotionally first, so I get why hiatuses happen. That being said, I as a reader also have my own life. And the fact of the matter is, there are thousands of comics out there to read - many of which are not on hiatus. So I'd be lying if I said a hiatus had no effect on whether I'd continue to read a comic. That being said, it's not like a hiatus will make me instantly drop a comic either. This is where the many factors come in. Like how much do I love the comic? Has the creator communicated about the length of the hiatus and given a heads up? Does the comic have a very unreliable history of hiatusing and coming back and then immediately hiatusing etc.. Which again, I get and sympathize with creators and hiatuses. But there's a point where you just gotta move on if the comic's updating isn't to your liking.
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
also i just want to chime in and say that as one of those people who get paid to make my comic i don't appreciate it being called commercial work. It's still the creators property and honestly the money earned doesn't change the product, nor should it change the 'merit' of a hiatus. Hiatuses are also planned and not planned. They are both breaks and unseen stops in work, they are necessary and needed- much like vacation time or sick leave at other jobs. Having been paid for making comics shouldn't differ with who is more worthy of one. Again, they all happen with reasons the public doesn't need to fully know bc even if the work is produced 'free to read', it's still not an obligation to the readers for any full disclosure. I get being dissapointed, it's a work you enjoy, but like any type of work, schedules change, lives conflict, and projects get canceled.
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
I don’t think anyone is saying that we mind hiatuses when comic artists are being paid, we all explicitly stated we mind poor communication about it from the creator
Big difference
varethane
the main thing I look sideways at is a creator who ghosts their existing audience and goes incommunicado for years, and then returns with either the same product or something very similar. I'm not so much mad, as.... unlikely to keep reading their work, even once it's back? Or I'll have trouble convincing myself to dive back in, even if it still looks like it should be my thing. I'm thinking of a specific comic I used to read called Astray3, which stopped updating with no news updates sometime in like..... 2011? And then after a year or so the website went down, and I assumed that was just.... it, the creator had left comics. Then just this year I was thinking about it while talking to friends and did a google search, and discovered that it was back On a new webhost, totally rebooted and fresh, with gorgeous new art
I had no idea, lol. I guess it had been back for maybe a year or two? It's really beautiful, and if I'd found it fresh I'd probably be super excited to dive in, but I haven't gotten around to it yet and that's the only real reason I can think of as to why.
This is a personal thing though. I don't know why all that happened or what led the creator to shelve the comic, I bear them no hard feelings. I just..... may or may not start reading again (maybe I will when I get some time!! Who knows lol)
keii4ii
@varethane I gotta say I'm sort of guilty of that. I stopped working on my previous comic after I'd gotten pretty far in the story. Things happened IRL and I just couldn't keep working on that story. My main site host died (the hosting business closed), and I didn't leave a proper goodbye on my SJ mirror. Then a few years later, I came back elsewhere with a new comic. X'D I don't really have a point here (yet?), just waving a hand from the other side of the fence.
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
@Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios) im responding to the commercial work comment
varethane
I don't even really think there IS a fence, lol. There are so many reasons why I may or may not read a comic, up to and including how I happen to feel on a given day; when I read something really often has more to do with my mood than with how much I feel like it 'should' appeal to me, so long breaks in updates are just one more ingredient in the big old soup of 'will I jump into this story today'
keii4ii
Yeah, readers come and go all the time, for all sorts of reasons
Deo101 [Millennium]
I'd also like to wave my hand from the side of the fence of "basically going completely radio silent" I did it because I had an incredibly difficult personal experience, that I didnt really want to share with all of my readers, and I don't think I should HAVE to share what happened in order for it to be valid for me to have dropped off like that for a while.
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
Exactly what Deo said
varethane
while I agree you don't need to say why, a quick news update saying 'hey something came up and this won't update for awhile, maybe forever' would be appreciated in a lot of cases
snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)
but the thing is, nobody said you have to say what happened It doesn't have to be a total "HI THIS IS MY LIFE" just more of a "hi the comic's on hold". like it's the difference between saying "there won't be updates for a while" and just leaving the comic hanging on the latest page with no comment.
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
Yeah, I don’t think anyone needs to leave a reason. But if people are paying you, just a ‘Hey this is on a break’ to the audience.
Deo101 [Millennium]
I did say "hi I'm gonna be on hiatus!" and people did still get upset with me for being gone so long so :/
snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)
well they were rude
varethane
I don't read anything as obsessively as I used to, but one of the first webcomics I ever read trailed off forever with 'see you next week!' as the last news update lmao
I went back to that homepage like a million times
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
Theres no winning with it honestly. I haven't had a hiatus with my comic im working on now, but a previous one earned us threats when we had a break
Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)
People getting upset isn’t your fault. You communicated, and that’s all you needed to do. We all know some readers can be fickle or downright rude.(edited)
Deo101 [Millennium]
IN THEIR DEFENSE i did say "brief hiatus" cause the situation around it was really weird, and then it was a very not brief one
varethane
no excuse for bein rude about it tho >:U sorry to hear about that!
keii4ii
Yeeeah
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
The threats that we got and harassment definitely made me realize that you don't owe ppl any thing. It's your work, and at the end of the day, you're the one in charge. We literally don't know the reasons to the breaks of a fave creator, it could be something as simple as boredom to something dire. I again i understand the want for communication but there are times where it just doesn't come first or at all.
I think in the situation of finding a ks or something u paid for directly? Yes, you deserve that right to know. But a project that isn't going to affect u in that way, well, it's a mystery we're not owed sometimes
Deo101 [Millennium]
yeah I'm just gonna get back to making it, and if people are going to leave and be upset with me I... cant control that... so I shouldnt try or worry about it. just offering the perspective of someone who p much did drop off the face of the earth
oh yeah for something youve paid for its different
Kabocha
Allow me to say that when I say commercial work, I mean it strictly in a "This is a thing that you are making money or aiming to turn a profit from." That's it. There's a difference in expectations, I think, for something where the creator is doing it as their job vs the creator doing it as a hobby. (but also -- like, if you have a publisher or an agent, they should be stepping in to help you field things like communication!!)
But also yes -- my essential point is that communication is key.
And yes, there is an overlap between hobby and earning money off said hobby, but once a thing is available for consumption as something you're earning income off of, I think the expectations ought to be slightly different. I think it's fair to expect someone to say "hi I'm taking a break" on the comic site. Edited to clarify the "income" part of this -- I mean like, a significant portion of your income. Tips are always appreciated, but don't generate an obligation in any sense of the imagination imo. Or like. Yanno, a publishing deal? I dunno. But that gets into contractual stuff.(edited)
spacerocketbunny
As long as someone didn't literally run off with your money, I think a bit more empathy and compassion can be exercised, even if the only communication that's provided is radio silence. It just happens man, sometimes life sucks and you don't get to have a word in edge-wise. There's just so many factors as to why it can happen, it's not a divide between who does and doesn't get a paycheck for their work. Stuff happens and at the end of the day it's still free content that's available to you.
Like @RebelVampire said too, it's totally up to you what you do with your engagement when hiatuses come up
FeatherNotes(Krispy)
Agreed
Basically, i hope that if ever the case a creator drops from their project without notice or any word, readers express concern and compassion
Kabocha
That is a fair expectation -- and readers need to remember not to be jerks about it.
Mei
Reading through all of this was super interesting. I think hiatuses are just something that in a medium like webcomics is something to almost 'expect'? if that makes sense? Whether it's because of personal reasons, or work reasons, or any reason that we as readers are not privy to, I think it's part of the process. Of course it's great when creators mention they're going on a hiatus, but I suppose it's also having that understanding that sometimes creators may lose the drive or motivation for what they're creating, and they need a break from it. But yeah, I think it'd be awesome for readers to show understanding for webcomics going on hiatus for a short while or indefinitely. They're a LOT of work and most of the time life takes precedent over that?
RebelVampire
I just want to add myself that jerk readers are a diff issue all together and they are legit not the readers you should care about. Cause at the end of the day, you will never ever make them happy whether you communicate or not. So ignore them and do what you need. The communication is for everyone else who isn't rude and likes your comic (whether a vocal fan or a silent fan). Cause frankly, I think it also shows a certain amount of respect as well for readers when the author communicates their status. But just to clarify in case it wasn't clear in my own statement, you are not obligated to share your life story. TBH, I don't even read people's life essays for their reasons in a lot of cases cause it's their personal business. The reasons for the hiatus are largely irrelevant. But you can still leave a small message that says "Hey I'm not gonna be updating for a bit." Like that's not an exaggeration. That's all you have to say. XD Last, I do want to add, of course there are exceptions to this with extenuating circumstances. Like I know a few people who have had all means of communication break for them - and that of course is understandable then. Since it's not that they didn't want to communicate, it's that they literally had no choice in the matter.
#ctparchive#comics#webcomics#indie comics#comic chat#comic discussion#comic tea party#ctp#reader favorites
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Hi Kitty :) hope ur doing good. I’ve been thinking, would DGM art from Hoshino count as canon? Or is canon specifically just for story related things?
I might ruffle some feathers with my answer on this, so fair warning. ^^;;
There is a difference between Canon and Word of God. If you’re unfamiliar with the difference:
Canon is short for canonical and refers to the work as a whole. In this instance, for DGM, canon would be the manga and (to some extent) the anime series.
Word of God is what fandom calls any information given to us by the creator(s) (and for DGM, that would be Hoshino).
Fandom can argue over and over again until its out of breath and blue in the face about what is or is not considered canon. Some people argue that Word of God should be counted as canon material, but I don’t believe it should–at least not in absolute terms.
I consider canon material for DGM to be the manga and, to a lesser extent, the anime. Anything in fanbooks, interviews, or social media is not canon. Now, I can already hear everyone screaming at me saying “But, Kitty! Hoshino said it! It must be true!” So hear me out.
The separation between Word of God and canon starts to get murky when you move from one author to multiple ones–specifically when you get into movies and television, which has multiple people working on a single project.
Hoshino mostly has control of her manga. (I say mostly only because editors can have a final say in some aspects of censoring, but there is no telling what she might have had to change due to those circumstances.) But the anime is different. It has a producer, directors, artists, etc. who are all interpreting Hoshino’s original canon work. And those interpretations can differ from the original canon.
“Wait!” you say, “What about fanbooks! And her insta! Hoshino has control of those!”
And I agree; she does. But there are two big reasons why I don’t consider Word of God to be canon.
1. Not everyone has access to Word of God. If you were to pick up a movie or book and consumed the media beginning to end, you would be satisfied. You’ve completed the story arc. You move on. I know it’s hard to believe in an age where internet exists and we have access to creator’s twitters/tumblrs/instas/FBs, but it was not always the case. And again, not everyone will follow every single creator that they’ve consumed media for.
Which means that a person’s canon will differ if they have or have not consumed Word of God content. If you consider Word of God as canon, then someone who is not following every single person who has worked on a TV show/movie/book, doesn’t have the whole picture. Where as if you consider canon only to be the source material, then we’re all working with the same deck of cards.
Specifically for DGM, I’m betting most people don’t know about the Reverse Novels. Some people in the DGM fandom consider these canon, but it leaves out a large swath of fandom who has never actually encountered them or even knew of their existence. The trouble with the Reverse Novels is that they were not written by Hoshino, though they were authorized by her. Also, they’re in Japanese (obviously) and never received official translations. It’s almost impossible to find them now, let alone get a translation. The same holds true for the fanbooks. How can we count a second hand source as canon when it’s not accessible to the majority of the (non-Japanese speaking) fandom? And how can we trust that the translation is correct?
2. Word of God frequently contradicts Canon. If any of you have follow JKRowling’s twitter, you might know what I’m talking about. Word of God is unreliable, and can completely come out of the blue. It can contradict canon events and even make you question what the author was thinking. But there’s another part of Word of God that makes it difficult to pin down–when there are multiple creators.
This usually happens with big movie/TV franchises. Multiple writers/producers/directors/etc. all putting their own spin on canon. And sometimes, actors even get sucked into it. (C’mon people, we all remember what happened to the V L D fandom. The cast and crew are still getting harassed by fans to this day. It was a nightmare.) What Word of God amounts to then is headcanons that are given clout because someone is working on the project. But as we all know, no one has the same headcanons as someone else 100% of the time, which leads to contradicting information and shouting matches about who is right and who is wrong. And this leaves fandoms in chaos after the face, squabbling over ship wars and other dumb things.
With Hoshino, again, we see less of this. But one instance came to mind with some official merch a year (or was it two?) back. The infamous KandAbs poster that came out after Hallow debuted. Hoshino wrote a post on her previous insta about how she didn’t approve of the poster, which had hella Yu//en vibes. The incident was the reason she deleted her first instagram account, but has since remade it (thank goodness). But this illustrates the issue with Word of God contradicting canon. An official poster was seen as an official stance, then decried by the author. What are we supposed to believe then?
Taking Word of God as canon comes with a host of problems. I’m not here to tell people that they can’t enjoy Hoshino’s insta, or take what she says to heart and call it canon if they want.
All I’m saying is that I don’t want people arguing over what is or is not canon when it comes to Word of God information. You can consume and enjoy that content. You can consider it canon in your own view of the works. But I will not call it canon.
#dgm#personal#reply#anon#this got longer than i thought it would#also i'm a bit bitter from the V L D fandom still#so that might taint my view a bit#but here we are
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