exoplanet p. 4.5
second half of exoplanet part 4!
pairing: ellie williams x reader
summary: you’ve won the life lottery as one of the few people on earth with parents who gained admittance to the most prestigous safezone in the world after the outbreak. but after a lab accident sends you out to jackson, wyoming, real life hits you fast. it’s a good thing that a hot lesbian finds u. (lol). mean ellie at first, slowburn, enemies to friends to lovers, fem reader asf
warnings: PLEASE READ! mentions of nsfw content (read at your own risk), violence, explicit language. also a lot of angst. ellie is still kind of a dick but not quite as much.
a/n: haha. isn’t it sooo funny how i said this would come out almost 12 hours later and then i posted it? i need to hit the hay early asf today if im to be frank w you guys so here it is now. i want to thank you all for the sweet and kind messages and comments i’ve been getting—they’ve been fuel for my writing!! also, i’ve got a better idea of how i want to end it now, so i’ve got a pretty good outline for what’s going to happen. expect around 3 more parts (one of which may or may not be an epilogue from ellie’s pov). as always thanks for reading!
part 1
part 2
part 3
part 4.0 (first half of this part)
playlist inspired by exoplanet!!
wc: 6.5k
tags: @prettyplant0 @666findgod @sawaagyapong @rystarkov @buzzybuzzsposts @addisonnie @galacticstxrdust @parkersmyth @pinkazelma @ariianelle @lu002 @blairfox04 @sparkleswonderland @elliesflower
enjoy x
Dina’s sudden reappearance in your life was turning into one of the best things you had going on. When you were done with work, instead of loitering about Joel’s home and hoping to run into Ellie, you’d knock on Dina’s front door and spend your afternoons gossiping and trading stories.
She never asked so explicitly about Ellie again, but you could tell that occasionally she wanted to.
“Guess whose birthday it is this weekend?” asked Dina one day in late April. The Wyoming sun was hung high in the sky, and the weather was steadily becoming warmer. The temperature was stuck at a breezy 60, and a part of you wondered just how hot it would get over the summer.
Terranova rarely ever got over 70 degrees. Would it be hotter than that? Would you even be here to see it?
“Yours?” you guessed casually, pushing away the ever-present question of how long you’d really be in Jackson.
Dina snorted. “No. Not quite. You just missed mine, actually. I’m a December baby.”
“Jesse?”
“No.”
“Joel?”
“Nope.” Her mouth popped on the p.
Your heart thudded. “Uh—Ellie?”
Her face split into a wide grin. “Yes! It’s her 20th. Isn’t that crazy? She’s ancient.”
“Wow!” you said, coaxing faux enthusiasm into your voice.
You and her had kept seeing each other at night, long after Joel had turned in. It always proceeded like clockwork—she’d come knock at your door, you’d fall into her bed, and then you’d leave.
You’d thankfully avoided any of the embarrassing stuff that you’d done the second night—no more unnecessary sensual face touching and whispers of her being a good person. You wanted to, though. There was so much that you ached to tell her, so many words that threatened to spill from your lips that you just barely managed to keep at bay.
The worst part was the way that nothing had really changed between you two beyond what transpired every few evenings in her room. Each morning, you’d wake up knowing that you were in for another day of pretending like she didn’t know what it sounded like when you whined and begged and told her where to touch you. Like you didn’t know how her mouth tasted.
“I want to get her a present,” Dina was saying. “I do something for her every year, but I want this birthday to be a little different—given that she’s made it two decades and all, you know.”
“That’s really thoughtful of you.”
Dina’s eyes sparkled. “I know! Do you want to help? If you do, I’ll tell her it’s from you, too.”
“Actually,” you said, wheels in your head turning, “That would be amazing. I have no idea what I’d get her otherwise.”
“Great.” Dina leaned back, nabbing her backpack from the ground and fishing through it until she produced a map. She unfolded it and began gesturing over the marks. “I found an abandoned bookstore in this area outside of the wall.” She tapped on a dot that she’d made, situated a fair ways away from the wall and on the opposite side of the town as the dam.
“So we’re going shopping?”
Dina laughed. “Yeah. 5 finger discount, too. The only problem is that we might need to kill some baddies to qualify, but once we clear our way, it’s home free.”
“Right,” you said, fear creeping into your bones at the thought of having to fight off the infected. You’d only been on a few patrols since you’d been shot, and each had been totally unnoteworthy. You’d yet to actually shoot your gun at anything. “You—you do know that I’m not actually that good of a patrol partner, right?”
“Don’t worry about it,” said Dina, waving her hand dismissively. “I can take care of us. Plus, we haven’t seen infected in this area for a while. This is a pretty remote area—tough to reach unless you know what you’re looking for.”
“So, when are we going?”
A glimmer appeared in her eye. “Now?”
~
“Where are you going?”
Ellie stood, her arms crossed as she leaned against the opposite wall. You were grabbing your patrol things, slinging your backpack over your shoulders and pulling on the gray sweatshirt she’d given you.
“Out with Dina,” you said, slightly breathless from moving so quickly. You hadn’t been expecting Ellie to be home—normally she was keeping herself busy picking up extra patrol shifts and helping Joel. It had been an unwelcome surprise to run into her, sour faced and serious while you were trying to get ready.
“Out where?”
You shrugged, trying your best to look nonchalant. “Dina said she wanted to show me something.”
She was silent as you finished lacing up your shoes, but you could see her watching you from the corner of your eyes.
“I’ll be back in time for tonight, if that’s what you’re worried about,” you offered snidely, hardly realizing what you’d said until it had left your lips. It had been a low blow. It had been nasty. You weren’t sure why you’d said it.
“That’s not—” She rubbed the bridge of her nose with her fingers. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
“I know.” You stood up, feeling deflated. “Sorry. I don’t know why I said that.”
Ellie sent you a tight smile. “It’s fine.”
You walked back to Dina’s feeling heavy. That was how most of your interactions with Ellie seemed to go nowadays—awkward, stiff, and remarkably unfriendly. You weren’t sure what changed. And she was still fucking you, which didn’t make much sense.
Sometimes it felt like she was distancing herself on purpose. But that had to be wrong, because why would she do that? You obviously liked her. She wasn’t the one at risk of being hurt.
You and Dina took off by foot as the sun began to set, well-armed with both weapons and navigational equipment. Well—Dina was, at least. All you had was the small gun Ellie had given you. Dina was doing all of the heavy lifting.
The forest was quiet, interrupted only occasionally by songbirds and the sound of wind rustling through the leaves. Spring had hit Jackson suddenly, the underbrush exploding in volume and flowers blooming everywhere.
As you two walked through the woods, chattering mindlessly and generally enjoying each other’s company, you made a mental reminder to return to the forest to pick up a makeshift bouquet of flowers. Ellie didn’t seem like the type to swoon over things like that, but even the most unromantic people could recognize the gesture of flowers. You were sure she’d at least put them in a vase.
Eventually the path Dina was leading you on opened up to a heavily overgrown street, a small decrepit strip mall hidden away in the shrubbery.
“Here!” said Dina cheerily. She jogged forward, scrubbing the moss off of the door to show a book icon on the filthy glass.
“And you said that there’s no infected here?” you asked, your fingers wrapped nervously around your gun.
“Of course I did,” said Dina. “Do you think I’d take you somewhere that was infested?”
The glass shattered as a body came crashing through the door, thrashing and clicking in a mass of bloody limbs as it took Dina to the ground.
Your finger squeezed the trigger before you could think, sending a spray of gore into the air as Dina forced the thing off of her and stood, panting.
There wasn’t even a chance to breathe. A piercing shriek cut through the air before three more followed the first, not paying any mind to the jagged edges of the broken door that grabbed at their mutilated skin.
“Fuck!” Dina’s knife went swinging through the air, slicing and jabbing at the creatures in front of you. They fell in quick succession, but there was more rustling and screaming from inside. Far too much rustling. “Run!”
She didn’t have to tell you twice. Despite the fact that you’d never been a track star in school, you bolted quicker than you’d even known possible. Your backpack banged against your back as you sprinted down the road, ducking into the brush and making a break for it with Dina right on your tail.
The walk there had taken close to 30 minutes. Your sprint cut that in over half. You and Dina ran in stride, with her lagging behind to send off a few shots to ground the runners that were quick enough to keep up. The clearing you appeared in all the way back in the winter flashed by you in a second, and within another few moments, you were both resting against the wall, chests heaving as you both picked off the stragglers that had come out of the forest to investigate.
By the time the last gunshot rang out and the final infected slumped to the ground, you were shaking uncontrollably, your gun vibrating in your hand.
“Shit, I’m so sorry,” said Dina, equally breathless though significantly more composed as you two walked through the entrance, getting concerned looks from the people who were manning the gate. “I’ve never seen so many in that store before. I don’t understand. It was clear the last time I went.”
Before you could respond, someone stepped into your eye line.
“What the fuck did you do,” seethed Ellie. Her eyes were wild, her lip curled in a manner so derisive you began to wonder if you’d ever actually seen her angry before this.
“Chill, Ellie,” said Dina. “Y/N and I were just going to try and pick something up for your birthday. There were…a few more than what I was expecting. But it’s fine. We handled them. She did great.”
Ellie looked at you then, and you could feel her taking you in. Her eyes rested with accusation at the way that your hands were trembling. “You’re so fucking stupid, Dina. You knew that she’s never done this before. What the fuck is wrong with you, taking her out like that?”
“It was clear the last time I was there!” Dina spoke with her hands, waving them through the air in emphasis.“There wasn’t supposed to be any. I don’t know what to tell you. I didn’t purposefully try to get us killed.”
Ellie sent her another scathing look before turning her attention to you. “And don’t even get me started with you.”
You blinked. “What?”
“What the fuck were you thinking?!” she snapped.
Dina sent you a wink and disappeared down the street in the direction of her house.
“I was thinking of your birthday, actually,” you said delicately. “We were going to get you something from the bookstore.”
“That is not an excuse to go get yourself killed!”
You held up your hands in mock surrender, which looked really stupid considering how hard you were still trembling. “I’m sorry. That wasn’t the original plan. Can we not do this right now? I’m still trying to, uh, process what happened.”
As if to punctuate your point, the next step you took nearly sent you to the ground, your knees wobbling.
Ellie’s hands were at your sides in an instant, solid and steadying against you as you regained your balance.
“Sorry,” you said again, lower this time.
“How many?” Ellie asked. Her voice was softer now, almost resigned. She hadn’t let go yet.
“I don’t know,” you admitted. “After the first three or four, I lost count. They just kept—” You winced at the memory of the wet sound that they made hitting the ground. “They just kept coming.”
“You did them a favor,” said Ellie, stepping back and to your side as you began to walk forward. Her hand stayed posed on your forearm. “It gets easier.”
“I don’t know if I want it to get easier,” you confessed.
“Well, how about you start by never doing something that fucking stupid again.” Her words lacked any venom. “Don’t you ever go out without me again, okay? Do you have any idea what could’ve happened to you?”
You gave your trembling hands a look. “I can take a guess.”
Ellie walked you back to Joel’s house, helping you out of your jacket and unsubtly checking your skin for bites. Or at least that’s what she said she was doing. She couldn’t seem to stop touching you.
You headed back up to your room to get changed as Ellie shut the front door and was off to finish her work with Tommy. As you leisurely made your way down the hallway, you noticed that something was off—the hallway closet was slightly ajar.
The memories of your first night there came floating back to you, images of Ellie shutting the door before you could see inside emerging to the forefront.
It wouldn’t hurt to look, would it? It was probably nothing.
Your hand wrapped tentatively around the handle, pulling the door open so slowly that the old, rusty hinge fell silent.
It wasn’t what you were expecting. It wasn’t what you were expecting at all.
It wasn’t really a closet—there were a few shelves, but no hangers. In their place, there were stacks of textbooks with old, dated covers of the stars, planets, and physics. The back wall was plastered with drawings of constellations and calculations in Ellie’s messy scrawl, reminiscent of the leftover scrap paper from when you sat your physics exams and did your problem sets.
The memory of Ellie staring at your textbook re-emerged to hit you with full force. No wonder she was interested in it. THIS is what she was going to say that she wanted to study when you’d asked her.
A slow smile crept onto your face as you thought about her upcoming birthday.
You knew what you were getting her now.
~
Preparing for Ellie’s surprise party was a full day’s worth of work. You and Dina had convinced Maria to give Ellie enough things to do that she’d stay out of the house for the majority of the afternoon. You felt kind of guilty that Ellie was being put to work on her birthday of all days, but Dina just shook her head.
“It’s Ellie,” she said. “She lives to act all macho and patrol and shit. This is probably an extra present to her.”
You two had located some flour, sugar, eggs, and butter and were hard at work baking a cake. It was tough going without a real recipe, but you’d grown up with a mother who loved baking, so you tried to do it from memory.
The result was a rather lopsided looking monstrosity that you and Dina had attempted to salvage through the liberal application of the thin icing you’d managed to whip up using milk and powdered sugar. It didn’t work, and you two didn’t wait long enough for the cake to cool before frosting it, so it melted in puddles and made the cake soggy.
“Fantastic work,” said Dina, wiping her hands on her front as you two surveyed the final product. “Really incredible, Y/N. You should really consider a career change.”
“Shut up,” you said, snorting. “Ellie’s gonna hate this.”
“She’s going to think it’s hilarious,” Dina corrected. “I’m sure it can’t taste too bad, right?”
You shivered. “Don’t say that.”
The decorations and gathering of presents were thankfully an easier challenge, and before you knew it Joel’s living room was fixed up to look obnoxious as possible, with a tacky “HAPP BIRTHDAE ELLIE” strung up in blood red reflective plastic (you two couldn’t find any Ys) above the fireplace. “Happy 5th Birthday!” balloons filled the ceiling, their gaudy purple color clashing horrifically with the red of the lettering.
“This is just awful, Dina,” you said. “Ellie’s never going to speak to us again.”
“You need to chill,” Dina responded. “She might act grumpy all of the time, but I know her, and I know she’ll secretly like this.”
7 rolled around quickly, and with it came the guests.
First was the unsurprising Jesse, grinning and carrying a satchel that had a makeshift card attached to the top labeled “Ellie”.
Next came Astrid, Bonnie, and Greg—all of the patrolmen that were roughly around your age. You hadn’t spent all that much time with them, but they’d always been fun.
Last came a girl you’d never seen before.
“Hi!” she said, extending a hand and looking at you through a fringe of choppy black hair.
“Hi!” you said, taking her hand and shaking it once. “I’m Y/N.”
“I know,” she said, her eyes crinkling. “I’m Cat.”
“I can’t believe you two haven’t met before,” said Dina, swooping in to stand beside you. There was something written on her face—something that looked kind of like worry.
“I can’t either!” you said good-naturedly. “How do you know Ellie?”
Dina cringed.
Cat just smiled wider. “Oh. Ellie and I go way back.”
“Cat, why don’t you go help me in the kitchen? I need to finish plating some stuff,” said Dina.
“Sure!” Cat sent you one more winning smile, following Dina with a bounce in her step.
Something felt deeply off about that interaction, but you couldn’t quite put a finger on what it was. You’d never seen Dina so eager to get you away from someone. Maybe it’d just been a coincidence?
You didn’t get a chance to dwell on it further, because Ellie was opening the door.
“Surprise!” Everyone in the living room yelled upon seeing her.
Ellie blanched, her eyes landing on you for a moment before she cast her gaze to the rest of the room. “What’s this?”
“Your birthday party,” said Dina, appearing from the kitchen with a plate of crackers and other appetizers, Cat in tow. “You didn’t think we were just going to let you turn 20 without embarrassing you just a little bit?”
“Those are the most hideous balloons I’ve ever seen,” said Ellie, crossing her arms.
“Thanks,” you said, beaming. “I picked them out myself.”
Much to your surprise, her lips lifted until she was smiling back. “You’re such a loser.”
“Okay!” said Dina, clearing her throat and stepping in between you two. “You two can flirt later. I’ve been slaving away in the kitchen for an entire day. Let’s eat.”
You shut your mouth, blushing uncontrollably as your eyes lifted. Ellie’s cheeks looked uncharacteristically pink and her eyes were fixed on your shoes.
Dinner went by quickly, with everyone trading odd stories about patrolling and their life before Jackson. You learned that Dina had actually been born in New Mexico and that Astrid was from Oregon. You heard all about how Jesse and Greg came across an old mall a few miles out of Jackson that was so full of infected that they could hear them scratching at the doors and clicking even before they were within eyesight of the building. You told some stories about your life in Terranova, about studying and your family.
“What the fuck is this?” asked Ellie once Dina had reappeared, carrying your sorry excuse of a birthday cake. Time had not treated it well. The first layer was almost entirely slid off, and the cake looked damp from the melted icing.
“It’s your birthday cake,” you said. “We, uh, tried. I don’t have a cake recipe memorized, and it was harder than I expected.”
The candles Dina attempted to stick into the cake kept falling out, the structural integrity so weakened from the melted frosting that chunks were coming off.
“Let’s just pretend that there’s 20 candles,” said Dina finally once the top layer of the cake finally split in half.
“Right,” said Ellie, snorting.
Dina led a very enthusiastic rendition of the Happy Birthday song that ended in cheers and hollers as Ellie dramatically lowered her head to the cake and pretended to blow the “candles” out.
No one touched the cake, but you couldn’t blame them.
Next came presents. Jesse went first, giving Ellie a satchel that held a bunch of cleaning equipment for her patrol rifles. Dina had found a t-shirt that said “Enemy of the State” in goofy comic sans lettering, and Ellie was unsuccessful in holding back her giggles at seeing it.
“Dina, this is so stupid,” she said, but there was no venom in her tone, just amusement.
It was your turn next, so you leaned across the table to place the small box in front of her.
“Please tell me you didn’t almost die getting this one,” said Ellie, giving you a suspicious look.
“Not at all,” you said. “I accidentally brought it from Terranova.”
Her nimble fingers untied the flimsy ribbon you’d haphazardly wrapped around the tiny brown box, lifting the lid off and peering inside.
“It’s a…rock?” Ellie frowned, pulling it out and holding it in her hand.
“You got her a rock for her birthday?” Cat asked you from her position to your right, her eyebrows raised.
“It’s not just a rock,” you said. “It’s a moon rock. Like, from the moon.”
Ellie froze, her eyes saucers as she stared at the rock balanced in her palm. “What?”
“I told you I studied astrophysics,” you said casually. “One of my professors let me borrow it because my research supervisor wanted to take a look at it, so it was in my bag. And I never had the chance to give it to him, obviously. So it’s yours now.”
“Holy fuck.” She turned in over, her fingers running across the surface. “This is…wow. Oh my god.”
“That’s so cool, dude,” Jesse said. “Like, insane. I didn’t even know that those were a thing.”
“There’s only a couple in the world,” you added. “And even fewer that are still reachable. The rest are…well, out here somewhere. Terranova only has a few from our own expeditions and the professors who managed to grab what they had when they moved.”
“This one’s from me,” said Cat, leaning forward and placing an envelope in front of Ellie. “It’s not as cool as a moon rock, but I thought you’d like it.”
Her fingers slid under the tongue of the envelope, ripping it open and pulling a piece of paper out.
“Good for one more free tattoo,” Ellie read out.
Cat sat back, looking awfully pleased with herself.
“Cat was the one who gave Ellie the one on her arm,” Dina explained to you.
A memory pricked at your consciousness, dating back to your first patrol with Ellie.
An ex had given her the tattoo on her arm.
The girl who had given her tattoo was Cat.
Cat was her ex.
That makes so much sense you realized with horror as you remembered how Cat had told you so confidently that she and Ellie went way back. Of course they did. They used to date.
“Where’d you go?” asked Dina, bumping your shoulder.
“Sorry,” you said, rubbing the bridge of your nose. “Just, uh, tired.”
When you looked up, Ellie’s eyes were on you, her lips slightly quirked.
You looked away, instead focusing on the placemats that Dina had set out. Cat was so different from you—so peppy, so confident, so loud. No wonder Ellie didn’t want anything more than what you had now. Whatever Ellie had seen in Cat had nothing to do with you.
The night ended with you all sitting on the couches in the living room with Dina mixing drinks so strong that you were wondering if she was trying to kill you.
“Jesus Christ, Dina,” you said as you watched her pour. “What is that? 90 percent vodka?”
“I prefer to call it efficient,” Dina corrected.
It burned going down your throat and you fought back a cough as you placed your glass back on the coffee table. Ellie was right next to you, her thigh barely brushing against yours as you moved.
Cat was on the other side of the room, seated next to Jesse and Astrid. You were internally very proud that Ellie had chosen to sit next to you instead. Her arm rested on the back of the couch behind you, and even though it couldn’t have meant all that much, you couldn’t help but wonder if it at least meant something.
You were just halfway through your cup by the time you started to feel really and properly sloshed. Your voice sounded tinny in your ears, and from the way that Ellie was laughing at anything anyone said, you had a sneaking suspicion that she was somewhere around where you were.
It wasn’t long before everyone had excused themselves and wished Ellie a final happy birthday—it was getting late and quite a few had early shifts the next day.
Dina was the last to go, saying goodbye and sending you another look as she pointedly stared at the arm rested behind you.
For a few minutes, you and Ellie just sat in silence, hearing the fire crackle and the sound of her softly breathing.
Then she spoke.
“How did you know that I’d like the moon rock?”
“Oh.” You blushed. “Don’t be mad. You left the closet door open the other day—you know, the one with all your space textbooks and everything. It was an educated guess.”
“So nosy,” she tutted.
“But you do like the rock?”
She smiled. “Yes. Thank you.”
You reached forward and polished off the rest of the drink that Dina had made you, feeling the liquid fire slide down your throat and settle in your stomach.
When you turned back, you could see Ellie staring at you, her auburn hair glowing in the firelight, her pupils blown wide, and her eyes slightly unfocused. She’d had more than one of the drinks that Dina had made, and it was really showing.
“You’re so pretty.”
You froze. Out of all the things you expected her to say, that was nowhere on the list. The words had left Ellie’s lips like a compulsion, raw and honest.
She hadn’t stopped looking at you, but her eyes were wider, her cheeks red. She hadn’t meant to say it, you realized. Now she was embarrassed and flustered, and it was all because of you.
It was the boldness of being tipsy that made you move towards her, pulling your legs up until you were seated on your knees in front of her.
Ellie didn’t move apart from wetting her lips, her eyes darting from your eyes to your mouth.
When you kissed her, she melted into you. The arm that had been draped over the couch behind you dropped to your back, your own hands sliding into her hair and tightening at the back of her neck.
She gasped as she felt your nails scrape against her, and you took the opportunity to lick into her open mouth, tasting the vodka on her tongue as it slid against yours.
To your surprise, her hands didn’t creep up your shirt or dip below the waist of your pants. They stayed static, one glommed onto your back while the other clutched your jaw as she let you kiss her, over and over again.
You couldn’t quite put your finger on it, but there was something about it that felt different than your usual nighttime meetups. It felt more—vulnerable, almost, that Ellie was kissing you just to kiss you, not with some other agenda.
The grandfather clock chimed, indicating that it was almost midnight. You pulled away from her for a second, panting as you caught your breath. A string of saliva suspended between your lips, snapping as you waved a hand through it and flushed.
“Sorry,” you whispered.
She just smiled.
“Is Joel going to be back soon?”
As if to punctuate your point, the front door banged open, the man in question pulling his jacket off and turning to see you both. You’d thankfully managed to get off her lap before he saw.
“Oh!” he said, his eyebrows nearly touching his hairline. “I wasn’t expecting you two to still be awake.”
“Uh, yeah,” said Ellie, scratching the back of her neck. “We’ve just been…talking.”
“Good party?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m glad. Tommy and Maria wish you a happy birthday, by the way. Though I’m sure you knew that.”
“Yeah. Thanks.”
“Well,” said Joel, giving a sigh that only old men could recreate, “I’m off to bed. You two don’t stay up too late, huh? You’ve still got work tomorrow.”
“Goodnight,” you two chorused.
Once Joel had disappeared into his room, you turned to look at her.
“That was close.”
“Yeah.” Ellie laughed nervously, picking at her cuticles. “Um—do you want to move somewhere else?”
Something deep in your chest ached. Sure, you’d be okay with spending another hour or so feeling her hands on you as she made you finish, but a part of you had really liked just touching her for the sake of touching her—kissing her just because you could.
“Sure,” you said. “Just give me a chance to change.”
When you knocked after switching into more comfortable clothes, the door swung open to reveal a significantly more nervous looking Ellie than you’d seen in a while.
“Hi,” you said shyly.
“Hi.”
You stepped into her, pressing a tentative kiss to the corner of her mouth. When she didn’t react, you pulled back.
“Is everything okay?”
“Do you want to stay over?” Ellie blurted out, her eyes wide and afraid.
You balked. “Uh, what?”
“You don’t have to,” she said, her eyes dropping to the ground. “I’m sorry. I know we’re not like that. I just thought that—maybe, I dunno, just this once—”
“Yes,” you interrupted. “Please. I’d really like that.”
“Right. Good. Okay.” She took a deep breath, then laced her fingers through yours to lead you to her bed.
When your mouth found hers again, it was just like on the couch—no intentionally rough or overtly sexual touches, just gentle brushes against your skin and the weight of fingers tangled in your hair as she pulled you further into her.
For the first time since you confessed, you didn’t sleep together. When you two finally tired out, you flopping down on the pillow first, Ellie’s head came to rest on the expanse of skin between your shoulder and your neck, your arms coming around her.
It was strange. For someone so deadly and tough, Ellie suddenly looked so small and fragile curled against you, the rise and fall of her chest synchronized with your breathing.
“I’m sorry Cat was invited,” Ellie said, her voice muffled from where her face was pressed into your neck.
“What do you mean?”
“I should have told you what her name was. That must’ve been a nasty surprise.”
Her foresight and understanding made your heart ache, deeply. How was it that she could say all these things but not want anything more with you?
“It was alright,” you said. There was no conviction in your tone. “I wouldn’t have expected you to tell me.”
Ellie was silent for a few beats. You knew she was thinking, though; you could feel the flutter of her lashes against you as she blinked.
“How long do you think it’ll take for you to forget me?”
You paused. “What? What do you mean?”
Ellie shifted against you, one of her arms draped over your chest. “I mean, when you go back.”
“Ellie,” you chided, bringing your hand up so you could run your fingers through her hair. “Don’t be ridiculous. As if I’d ever just leave you behind. If I go back there, I’m finding some way to bring you with me. So, no. That’s not even a valid question. I’m never forgetting you.”
In truth, you hadn’t even begun to consider what you’d do if—when—you were found. You’d been so focused on trying to fit into your new life here that your past had largely just faded into the back, shrinking in the horizon. What you did know, at least, was that even in some dystopian future without Ellie, she’d never be off of your mind.
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
“I’m not,” you replied, tapping her shoulder. “I mean it. You’re stuck with me.”
Her diaphragm vibrated as she let out a short laugh. “Oh, the horrors.”
She fell silent as you kept threading your fingers through her hair, letting your nails scrape against her scalp. The hand that wasn’t draped over your chest had crept up, her thumb rubbing back and forth as she traced the outline of your jaw.
“I’m sorry,” she said suddenly. “I can be such a sad drunk sometimes. It’s pathetic.”
“It’s okay,” you soothed, your other hand lightly dancing up and down her back. “I think it’s sweet.”
She snorted. “You would.”
Then, after a few more seconds of silence: “You really weren’t jealous?”
“I never said that.”
“So she did make you jealous?”
You flicked her shoulder. “Fuck off. Of course she did. Happy?”
“Thrilled.”
A few moments later, she spoke up again.
“Can you promise me something?” Her voice was deceptively casual.
“Anything.” You’d give her anything she wanted.
“Promise me that you’ll take the first opportunity to go home,” she said softly. “Promise you won’t do anything stupid.”
“I’ll take the first opportunity to go home as long as I get to have you around, too.”
You couldn’t see it, but you knew she was rolling her eyes. “Not good enough.”
“You want me to leave that badly?” You weren’t sure if you should be hurt.
“Of course not,” she responded. “I just...I don’t expect you to wait around here for me. I don’t want you to. I want you to be safe.”
“I feel safe with you.”
“Will you just—fucking—say you’ll go?” Her voice sounded raw, tired.
“Fine,” you said. “I promise.”
Your words were empty. You couldn’t promise her that. She had to know that. But would it matter? If you never had to make that choice?
In retrospect, you weren’t sure when you drifted off. All you remembered was the warmth of Ellie gathered up in your arms, her measured breath blowing across your exposed neck as you felt the slow, marching rhythm of her heart.
~
When you awoke to the early morning sunbeams streaming in through the window and warming your face, Ellie was passed out cold on top of you. A few unruly strands of her auburn hair had ruffled upwards overnight, sticking to your cheek and threatening the seams of your lips.
You’d never been happier.
As you thought, running your hand gently up and down the length of her spine, Ellie’s breath hitched.
You froze, thinking you must have woken her.
Then she made a quiet snort. She took another deep breath in, whistling as it went. Her next exhale was louder and caught in her nose.
You did your best not to laugh enough to wake her.
Ellie snored, even though she wasn’t that loud. The part of you that was still intimidated by her was shrinking by the minute. If only you had known in the beginning that after a long day of bullying you she went back to her room to honk shoo the night away, you never would’ve let it bother you.
She jolted awake, blinking rapidly as she pulled away and looked up at you.
“What the fuck are you laughing about?” she said groggily. “It’s—” She twisted in your arms, squinting at her desk. “It’s 6 in the fucking morning. Shut up.” With that, she flopped back down on top of you, laying one arm over your torso so she could shove it the space under the pillow beside your head.
“You shut up,” you heard yourself say.
Ellie smacked your shoulder, not even bothering to lift her head.
“You snore,” you said, quieter this time.
“I don’t.”
“You literally do. I was there when it happened.”
She was silent for a few moments. “Really?”
You pressed your lips to her forehead instead as you trembled from the laugh you were doing your best to rein in.
“Oh, god,” groaned Ellie. “That’s so embarrassing.”
“I thought it was cute.”
“You think everything I do is cute.”
“And what about it?”
You settled back in, wrapping your arms around Ellie as you tried to drift back off.
“Do you hear that?”
Her voice was whispered.
“Hear what?”
“That sound.”
You let go of her and sat up, your eyes unfocused as you tried your best to tune into whatever Ellie was talking about. Out of the corner of your vision you could see her staring at you with big, nervous eyes.
It took you a moment to notice it. No one could blame you, really. It was hardly a rarity to hear the sound of a plane when you grew up in Terranova.
“That’s a plane, Ellie,” you said, reaching out to cup her face. “It’s fine.”
“A plane?” She frowned, still blinking bleariness out of her eyes. “I’ve never heard one before. Joel told me that they stopped being used after the government officially fell.”
“That’s not true,” you corrected. “There’s some in—”
A puzzle piece clicked into place, and with it came a sense of underlying dread. But you shouldn’t be dreading it. It’s what you were hoping for after all, weren’t you? What you’d been praying for since you’d arrived?
“Let’s go outside and look,” you said, nudging her side. “I’m sure it’s nothing.” You were hoping it was nothing.
Ellie followed you, pulling a throw blanket from her bed and draping it around her shoulders like a cape. She looked so cute like that. You wanted to bite her. Not, like, in a weird blood kink way. Just in a…you didn’t know how to describe it. Better leave it there.
A lump formed in your throat.
Maybe you were wrong. Maybe this had nothing to do with you.
The air was tepid and pleasant against your bare skin as you two quietly opened the front door and crept onto the porch. The town was quiet. No one was awake at this hour, not unless they were down by the stables or doing night watch.
There was a sliver of pink and orange hanging over the tops of the mountains, no doubt remnants of what had been a spectacular sunrise. There were still snowy caps on the highest peaks. You hadn’t known that mountains could stay so cold for so long until you’d come to Jackson.
The lump in your throat grew larger.
“Shit,” said Ellie, leaping down from the porch and onto the road. “Do you see this?”
The plane was no longer in sight, but the swirling papers that hadn’t been on the road the night before were left as evidence.
“They must’ve dropped them,” said Ellie excitedly, snatching one from the ground and bounding back up the steps so she was next to you. “What do you think this says?”
You smiled sadly. “Why don’t you read it?”
She unfolded the envelope, ripping open the top and dumping the contents out in her hand.
“Oh.”
It was a picture of you. It’d been taken months prior at your family’s Christmas party. You’d worn glittery silver eyeliner and curled your hair. The upper half of your body was in view, clad in a rich red fabric that landed right below your collarbones. A string of creamy white pearls were clasped around your neck, matching the teardrop pearls that hung delicately from your ears.
HAVE YOU SEEN HER?
There was no other text, but you did notice a divet at the top right corner in the shape of a small oval.
Terranovan security. Of course.
Wordlessly, you pressed your thumb into the mold, holding it there for a second as the parchment recorded your print.
Then a paragraph formed at the bottom, ink slowly leaking into the paper.
COME TO THE COORDINATES LISTED BELOW AT EXACTLY NOON, MAY 15TH. A LIFT WILL BE WAITING TO ESCORT YOU.
You’d been found.
final a/n: sorry not sorry this was the original cliffhanger that i was planning for part 4 all along. you guys are incredible for still sticking around and reading even though this is getting lengthy as hell. anyway i hope you guys enjoyed this sort of different side of ellie before we reach the final act. the plot is abt to reach its peak and i’m hellaaa excited to share it with you. okok let me know what you think! it might take me around the same time it took me to finish part 4 to get part 5 out considering how sick i am/how much i have on my plate, but i promise it’s coming :))
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hello !! i saw that your requests were open, i was wondering if u could write something with jake, ben, alex, wolf, teddy and maybe donald (its up 2 u for the other boys ofc !!) having a really dumb s/o but shes really kind and joyful so like shes an airhead basically haha
thank you so much for the request!, i literally love these type of prompts :))
when you're dumb but sweet
feat: ben, alex, gerard, teddy, jake, wolf and donald
warnings: some light cursing
ben (humin) park ★ —
you're the highlight of his days !!
he finds your sweet, oblivious nature endearing and finds you such a mood booster
sure you don't know what's going on half the time, but that's what he admires about you.
he's also a little airheaded, so it works.
you love telling him really bad jokes, and he either a.) finds them freaking hilarious or b.) just looks at you with the ??? face.
you two have a lot of inside jokes that literally no one understands (the majority of which are stupid things you've done or said).
he doesn't study very often but will start doing it more frequently just so he can help you with tests, homework, or any other assignment.
if you get anything higher than a 70, he'll start thinking he can give grey a run for his money 💀
god forbid if you call yourself dumb because he's telling you a thousand and one reasons why you're the smartest person he knows.
sure he might be exaggerating, but anything to make you happy
alex (hyeontak) go ★ —
i feel like alex would be more of the protective type.
of course, he loves your optimism and honest nature, but he does worry.
he's just scared that someone would take advantage of you.
especially with all the union and corrupt people in Yeongdeungpo, he just wants to protect you
no matter what he does to keep you safe, you just seem to find yourself in some sort of situation (never anything too serious, but of course…)
like he can tell you not to go out in the streets or the subways because it's too crowded or something simple, and you always just... spawn there.
you swear that you have no idea how you ended up there.
activate alex mom mode
your personality definitely stresses him out sometimes due to you being unaware of most things around you and the fact that you are unnaturally sweet.
despite the fact that you might worry him, you actually relieve stress much more than you ever cause it.
he loves your corny jokes and klutzy behaviors.
he especially loves it when you ask him for help on anything, it can be the simplest things, but alex just loves feeling useful to you.
he doesn't want you to be reduced to just an airhead, so he is constantly trying to teach you things or help you.
gerard (gayool) jin ★ —
i swear, you and gerard are soulmates.
you guys just complement each other so well.
he a sucker for you and your dumb jokes, and if you're a little slow, even better.
he finds you funny and adorable
there was this one time where you were in his lap, his head resting on your shoulder, as he was teaching you how to play his guitar.
"ok y/n so you just put your hand on here... and then you hold these stings and start strumming..."
you had no idea what he was saying 💀, you were trying your best to pay attention and to actually comprehend what he was saying but it just felt like he was teaching you 12 different things all at once
you just played it off with simple nods and ohhhhs.
although it came back to bite you in the ass when he told you to demonstrate what you learned.
if you're a klutz, he will definitely laugh at you (in a lighthearted way, of course) if you trip over something or bump into something (don't worry, he'll make sure you're ok after).
he definitely appreciates your joyful self.
he feels like he doesn't have to take anything too seriously around you and that he is free to be his true self.
although your sweetness won't stop him from trying to one up your horrible jokes,
teddy (taeoh) jin ★ —
just like gerard, you two suit each other.
he loves that you are friendly and sociable.
also your antics never fail to make him laugh.
like you two can be sitting together in comfortable silence, just enjoying each other's company.
when you just say the most out of pocket stupidest thing he's ever heard.
you don't understand why he's laughing so much…
he thinks that you're a great change of pace and someone he can joke with.
he might even teach you some of his signature moves just so you can defend yourself against creeps or anyone really.
if anyone dares to make fun of you or call you dumb, then you better believe teddy is going after them.
just because you catch on a little slowly doesn't mean you deserve to be bullied:((
you don't have to worry too much about the bullies though because you have your natural bully repellent, teddy jin by your side.
jake (hagho) ji ★ —
bro is so whipped
you two love talking about your interests together, especially the ones you guys are passionate about
he especially loves how you let him ramble about One Piece or any other manga he's reading (just smile and nod 🥹)
he will be protective of you just like alex but will do it in a more humorous manner.
you know how in the movies the guy puts a jacket over a puddle so the girl can walk across it? Yeah, he'll be like that, but ironically,
he'll purposely insert a random scientific fact into you guys conversations just to see your face morph into confusion.
although he mostly does it just so you can beg him for its meaning (he doesn't even know what it means💀),
he definitely loves the fact that you're a natural sweetheart.
its definitely a break from all the disingenuous people around him.
of course, you catch on to things a little slower than the average joe but he loves watching your reaction when you finally get/understand something.
he loves how well you get along with his friends (even though in the beginning dean thought you were a little annoying).
of course, they ended up warming up to you fairly quickly and thought you two were basically made for each other.
jake especially likes when you get into conversations with timothy and you have to act like you know what he is talking about when he brings up shuttle patch rankings or anything data related.
in general, he finds you refreshing and a break from all the union and eunjang mess that has been going around him.
wolf (seongje) keum ★ —
(you're in the union)
he definitely thought you were annoying and obnoxious in the beginning.
he thought you were too dumb and too happy for the position you were in.
although that doesn't stop him from being that worried, possessive boyfriend.
he wouldn't be the gentlest person, but he wouldn't be mean either.
he will chastise you if you do something stupid or careless.
he'll tell you about how you're so dense and that you should've known better.
although in the beginning he sounds a little harsh, you'll start understanding that he is just looking out for you.
he just feels like you act and say before you think, which you do.
It's stressful having to keep up with you.
just like alex he thinks people will take advantage of your kindhearted and naive nature.
especially since you're in the union, it's definitely a risk that he can't take.
he'll do his best to take care of you, though.
your silly remarks and sweet gestures never fail to put a smile on his face (even though he uses his hand to cover it up, it's there, don't worry).
donald (baekjin) na ★ —
(you're childhood friends)
donald actually, surprisingly, enjoys your presence.
i mean, you've known him for such a long time that he would understandably get used to your behaviors.
growing up, nobody seemed to understand the unusual pairing that was you and Donald.
he was cold and intelligent, and you were sweet and naive.
you were basically his only friend back then
you were unnaturally nice to him, despite his being an outcast for his intelligence and economic situation.
you just brought something that was missing in his life
that joy and airheadedness definitely made him happy, especially growing up in such a bad environment.
fast forward to now, and you still matter to him.
he has a soft spot just for you (and maybe for Kingsley).
he always keeps an eye out for you, but because you are so close to the leader of the union, there's always the risk that you can be used as some sort of blackmail against him.
of course, he knows what you're capable of—or maybe what you're incapable of—so he doesn't worry too much.
he helps, or more, like does your homework for you
it will just be you sitting in his lap or anywhere in his office while he focuses on his own work and you're trying to figure out your own.
he puts in his own input every now and then, but it'll always fall on deaf ears.
you just don't understand, but for donald that's ok; he loves helping you.
he'll make sure you get at least some of it before you leave his office
he'll expect some progress on your test or assignments, though, so you better be paying attention😠
there!! i added gerard if that's ok with you anon ^^, these were very fun to write !!
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Tiptapricot again! I’m not the best for giving recs and info on the comics, but can give some trigger warnings on the show and two of the runs I’ve read! This will all b below cut as it’s as in depth as I can do off the top of my head.
This is a long post, but I’ve tried to make it as informative as possible. It lists some heavy stuff! MK fans are welcome to let me know if there’s things they think I should add, and though I say in the post, anyone is welcome to shoot me an ask about specific triggers! There also may be some typos haha so excuse those.
Without further ado, let’s get into it :-)
First up!
The Lemire Run, 2016
This may not be the best run to jump onto as it has a pre-established cast and is highly referential to past MK work, but it was also the first one I read and I still really enjoyed it! As long as you have a general knowledge of the characters from like a quick wiki read, you should be good.
Warnings for: Medical unreality, unreality, psych ward setting, gaslighting, abusive nurses/orderlies and doctors, shock therapy, drugging, death of friends, warped reality, manipulative Khonshu (the god they work for), further unreality/blending of realities between different headmates, mis-naming, car crashes/ship crashes, death of friends again, arrest/police interrogation, institutionalization as a child though not shown graphically, off-page death of father, internalized ableism/belief that to be normal you must not be a system, invalidation of headmates by another headmate, apparent though not actual alter death (they come back triumphantly, they are all ok), talk of brain and mental space/being “broken” as a form of manipulation.
This is the one I sent a propaganda post in about also! It was one of the first really major positive MK explorations (not the first, the 80s run and a handful of others actually have some real good stuff) and while it still has some funky parts, is a really gorgeous and awesome look at them, and again, has one of my favorite characters!
Second!
The MacKay run, 2021
This one’s the currently ongoing comic run! And while there’s less warnings it should be mentioned that since it’s ongoing, my list may become out of date somewhat soon, esp since issue 25 is apparently going to be 70 pages. But it’s a good time to hop on and join!
Warnings include: general monsters and fighting of them, self hate, internalized ableism and force-fronting by Marc/him being frontstuck for a lot of it, regular therapy sessions with Marc and his therapist that, although not manipulative or toxic or abusive like in other runs, are coerced by the avengers due to a previous run where the system basically took stuff over and took down the avengers for Khonshu (this run is referenced a lot), temporary death of main, discussion of gods, faith, and general theology, vomit in the issue 17 fight, racism/cultural appropriation by the character Jack Russel in the annual, forced switch by an outside partner in the annual.
There’s also a general blanket thing that, while MacKay is doing good at a lot, and issues 14/15 specifically have some really good system conversations facilitated by him working with a system for them, he is still not including Steven and Jake as much as he should, and stuff can feel unbalanced/that he’s forgetting about their systemhood sometimes. It’s overall a very solid run so far, but that’s good to be aware of!
And lastly but not leastly!
Moon Knight, 2022 show
The show is 6 episodes long and on Disney+ or u can pirate it (which. Is what I do haha) and these are what I can think of for warnings.
Best to skim beforehand and then peek at each chunk for each ep as you go. Id be able to give times if I was live watching with someone but I hope these cover stuff generally ok, and you can also look up specific stuff if you need, or send me an ask if you watch about a specific moment and I can find the time stamp! My inbox is always open :-)
Disclaimer that the show also has a lot of levity and comedy and calmer moments within everything I’m going to list. These are just the triggers, and since it is a heavy show it will seem dense, but it’s not just hell all the way through.
Ep 1, The Goldfish Problem—At the very beginning there is a scene where glass is put in shoes and stepped on, there is no blood or pain reaction or visuals of the skin, but that is a constant presence in the background for the whole show as the main antagonist is a cult leader who uses it for self flagellation. Lot of sudden and discombobulating switches accompanied by minor flashing, confusion and paranoia as it involves the beginning of system discovery by a headmate who has no idea what’s going on, a generally eerie vibe involving a large bird headed skeleton creature (Khonshu) popping up, voices from indeterminant origin/people seen in mirrors, scene in the mountains involves seeing the cult, and ideas of good and bad and predestined morality, car chase involving car crashes, guns and blood but not really gore or any especially violent ways of taking out bad guys, missing an important event due to amnesia and lost time, apparent stalking by cult and unreliable coworkers, mild panic attack.
Episode 2, Summon The Suit—More of eerie vibe from first ep and more of big bird man and some flashing, uncomfortable firing from job for perceived mental health reasons, headmates arguing, headmate freaking out and jumping to internalized ableism, person who knows one headmate but not ab the system being confused and frustrated/believing the one fronting is putting on an act, police arrest/kidnapping, more of the cult, discussion of eugenics ideology from cult, panic attacks, one use of the word “Psycho” during a joke, headmates arguing worse and lashing out at each other, manipulation by Khonshu, brief use of alcohol in an obviously unhappy state as coping.
Episode 3, The Friendly Type—Sudden and abrupt switches, coming to mid fight/after an adversary has been killed, confusion, non-graphic suicide as form of escape from protags (falling off cliff, body not shown in detail or close up at all), very intense trial scene involving possession by a god, and weaponized ableism and personality language against mains from antag, both demonizing and infantilizing them, somewhat of a breakdown/lashing out from main because of it, another fight at rich guys place involving guns and knives, as well as choking, and impaling of mains, but impalement has no blood or gore shown, the poles r kinda just through them and they’re alright, some more possible flashing triggers at end with sky scene though more mild.
Episode 4, The Tomb—Headmates arguing/tension, choice to pursue relationship action without direct discussion about it, sounds of dissection of human by a monster (dissection is blurred in background and not shown in detail), scary undead creatures coming out of the dark and fighting with a main, emotional manipulation by cult leader, argument with a partner causing a forced switch, intense guilt and mention of believing one should’ve died, main character death, and at very end and also big one for next ep: unreality, medical unreality, psych ward setting, drugging and restraint of patient, gaslighting, feeling like an “it was all a dream” twist (which is proven to be false, the psych ward here is not real and is a construct of the afterlife, but it is a big scare and can be triggering).
Episode 5, Asylum (biggest ones here and very intense episode)—More of same medical unreality and gaslighting by a doctor, on screen drugging of patient/mains with a syringe, forced trauma memory exploration involving static dead bodies, passive suicidal ideation, off screen drowning, off screen sibling/child death, intense verbal abuse from mother, passive father, alcoholic abusive parent, guilty flashback to older Marc the night Khonshu contacted him which involves an attempted suicide (gun put against chin) and manipulation, headmate hitting their head rapidly during a breakdown, physical abuse from parent with belt (action not shown on screen but build up is and there is briefly audio of impacts), headmates arguing, internalized ableism, discovery of being an introject and negative thoughts about “realness” and self as a result, emotionally abusive doctor, parental/abuser death, alcoholism by main, breakdown at funeral, hitting of kippah on ground during breakdown, intense switch in time of distress, apparent alter death (not permanent but is not resolved in this episode).
IT IS HIGHLY RECOMMENDED BY ME TO WATCH EPISODES 5 AND 6 IN THE SAME SITTING OR CLOSE TOGETHER. 5 is really fucking intense, and even while being very well done, it can really fuck up your brain and mental space. Episode 6 is a huge balm onto that and makes me cry every time because of it.
Episode 6, Gods and Monsters—Cult carrying out goals, intense grief from living main, dead bodies talking, brief possession by a god, guilt tripping and trauma leveraging by antag onto mains, sudden switch, brief return of psych ward setting (though in a context of triumphing over it/proving it to be a construct), after credits scene involves abduction of antag from a care facility, and murder.
Also general note that the show is really complicated and nuanced in its rep. It has a lot that’s really good but they also made some mistakes. The term DID/Dissociative Identity Disorder is not said on screen, for example, largely because the system themselves don’t know what’s going on/are dealing with a lot of internalized ableism, however it was still a choice by the writers. Some cast and crew members have also said not great things in interviews, but on the flip side, a lot of them have shown they really care.
Oscar Isaac specifically did a whole lot of research for his roles, and has been very respectful and awesome in interviews and in his pushing for the characters to be given the best they can. There’s a lot of discussion to have around all of it, and a lot they can improve in a season 2 if/when we get it, but it’s still a really complex and empathetic exploration of the system in general.
But also, it may not be for everyone!
I’m a singlet, and I’ve talked and discussed stuff a lot with the groups I’m in including systems in fandom, and there’s a lot in it people connect to, but it also may not be the type of show others want to watch and that’s ok. Rep is so nuanced and complicated especially with something so stigmatized, every step forward doing its best but not always nailing it, that everyone will have their varying relationships to it, and what works for some may not be good for others.
But yeah! I love moon knight a lot, and all of the things recommended here while none are perfect each do really amazing things with their stories, art, and explorations. I hope this can help some people interested in checking them out do so in an informed and safe way. My inbox is open if anyone has questions, and I can also point to some other really cool people in the community for specific discussions, recommendations, and more!
Hope you all have an epic and wonderful day! Good job on a swaggy bracket :-D
(ID in ALT)
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