This might be my most Controversial post and if you're someone who's genuinely rooting for tom and greg to have their happily ever after in canon then you might not want to read past this point. Just to be perfectly clear I do love tomgreg in both their canon and fanon forms and absolutely no shade to the unironic requited tomgreg truthers, you're the backbone of this fandom and I love your work etc. But. I'm still skeptical of an actual romantic relationship going canon and even more cynical about it actually ending well so, uh. Dead Dove Do Not Eat and all that

I think that Tom being unable to make a really definitive bold choice is intimately related to why I think canonical tomgreg would end in acrimonious divorce (at least with how the characters are at the end of season 3… obviously character development is real and could hypothetically shift the equation). Tom is the literal human embodiment of that fable about the kid who reaches into the cookie jar and gets a huge handful of cookies but then his hand get stuck and he can’t pull it out and he starts crying until someone explains to him that if he lets go all but one he’ll be able to get it out. Except he’s never realized that last part and he’s so afraid of ending up with no cookies at all that he can’t let them go and instead crushes them into dust and tries to eat the crumbs and goes “this is what I wanted actually. This is fine. This is what normal well-adjusted people do and I am Happy.”

It’s deeply rooted in fear and that’s because Tom’s other fatal flaw is being a little bit of a coward. I say this with utmost affection but he’s always hedging his bets and trying to make the safest choice. This is not always a bad thing, but sometimes you do have to make the bold choice just to learn things about yourself. (Or simply because it's the Morally Right Thing To Do but uh. We don't need to get into that right now re: Tom). You have to make a choice and sacrifice something in the process and that’s how you learn what will make you happy and what won’t. Except Tom is so afraid of being unhappy and making the wrong choice that he can never let himself do that, and that’s why he doesn’t really know who he is and what he wants and instead lets himself be defined by societal images of wealth and privilege. He likes expensive things because that’s what he’s supposed to like. He wants to be CEO because that’s what he’s supposed to want. I think if he actually became CEO he would be miserable, in part because of what he’d need to sacrifice to get there but also because being CEO means being bold and taking risks and I think that’s actually his own personal version of hell.

That’s part of why I’m skeptical of tomgreg going canon because I think leaving Shiv for Greg would be an incredibly bold move and I don’t think Tom’s capable of that. Maybe if his marriage fell apart Tom would go for Greg, but then I think he’d very quickly find himself in a “grass is greener” situation. I don’t think he would really actively choose Greg, internally, so much as stumble into that relationship because Greg is there and Greg is the person he’s closest to, and eventually this would eat away at him. That’s NOT to say Tom wouldn’t have very genuine feelings for Greg, but I think stumbling right from his failed marriage into a relationship with Greg would set the whole thing up to crumble and collapse, especially once the weight of Tom’s emotional baggage sets in. There’s going to be a part of him asking himself “do I really love Greg or was he just convenient,” and rather than making the decision to really commit to Greg and see if the relationship can work he’ll start developing an emotional affair with someone else without even realizing what he's doing, because the problem with really making the decision to try and commit to Greg wholeheartedly is what if it ends up being Shiv all over again? What if he decides to be vulnerable with Greg and open up to him and give Greg his emotional fidelity and Greg ends up letting him down?

And because he's incapable of having an emotionally honest conversation he just starts tallying everything Greg does in some mental T-chart of "he loves me/he loves me not". Meanwhile, I do think Greg would be largely taken in, at least initially, by the idea that Tom threw everything away for him and when he realizes that Tom's marriage to Shiv was going to crumble into dust on its own merits anyway he's going to start feeling like a consolation prize and start pulling away and that's going to make the whole situation worse. When the relationship finally breaks down it will be acrimonious because both of them are going to feel upset and betrayed and misled. And that doesn't even begin to factor in Tom's uglier possessive and abusive tendencies and the pressure that remaining at Waystar would put on the relationship and whatever unresolved issues Greg still has around his gay homewrecking dad. Theoretically, they could go to therapy and start working through this shit and improve as people and make it work but tbh I think that they're far more likely to cannibalize each other first and not in a romantic way.

I would love to see it though. I really would. It would be an absolute nightmare but it would be amazing television and I would eat that shit up. Jesse Armstrong are you listening to me. Jesse Armstrong answer my calls

the ship sways but the heart is steady

chapter one: the ship sways

the untamed pairing: jiang cheng & wei ying, lan zhan/wei ying word count: 2549 summary: Wei Ying’s friends are at rock-bottom, and Wei Ying puts his life on hold to help them put theirs back together. To absolutely no one’s surprise except Wei Ying’s, his family goes with him. read on ao3

x

During family dinner, Wei Ying’s phone rings, cutting mother off mid-sentence.

Jiang Cheng cringes inwardly and his brother’s face goes two shades paler. They have guests over, so mother doesn’t do more than glare hatefully in Wei Ying’s direction.

She won’t make a scene in front of Yanli’s husband, or even Wei Ying’s fiancé—Jin Zixuan is everything Yu Ziyuan wants in a match for her daughter, and Lan Zhan’s family is one of the richest on the East Coast.

Lan Zhan is also willing to give as good as he gets. His eyes are already narrowing in mother’s direction, the tentative ceasefire of family dinner wobbling precariously beneath their feet as he perceives the great and unforgivable offense of insult to Wei Ying. A-Li resolutely tries to pick the conversation back up from where it lulled, with all the steely resolve of someone throwing herself into the path of a rampaging bull. Jin Zixuan has graduated from grimacing into his wineglass to gazing hopefully at the clock every three minutes.

Always willing to fall on the grenade, Wei Ying ducks his head meekly.

“Sorry, I thought I silenced it,” he says, the shape of a laugh in his voice even if he can’t manage to drag it all the way out. He’s rummaging his cellphone out of his pocket, presumably to turn it off as a gesture of good faith. “I’ll just…”

But his eyes catch on the screen, and something happens to his expression that Jiang Cheng has never seen before.

Wei Ying stands up, so abruptly his chair sails back with an awful screech, and excuses himself. Lan Zhan follows him out of the dining room without a single word or a backwards glance. That’s all it takes for mother to pick up a scathing tirade against Jiang Cheng’s good-for-nothing, ungrateful, waste-of-space brother.

He joins Jin Zixuan in watching the clock. Worry swims in the back of his mind like a school of startled fish.

#

Wei Ying’s apartment is really actually Lan Zhan’s apartment, but the two of them have been inseparable since they were fourteen, and it naturally followed that where one of them would live, so would the other. The place is ridiculous, modern and minimalist, and it would look like something out of a magazine if not for Wei Ying’s inevitable clutter. But even the stacks of books and magazines, and haphazard easels, and little jars of paints and loose brushes everywhere manage to make the place seem charming and lived-in instead of the horrible disaster tornado it rightly should be.

Jiang Cheng asked him once what the monthly rent was but Wei Ying looked so haunted by the question that Jiang Cheng decided he didn’t actually want to know.

They’re all crammed into the conversation pit, recovering from family dinner in the usual fashion. Jin Zixuan is much more likable when his tie is loose and he’s nursing a lukewarm beer.

A-Li is clinging to Jiang Cheng’s hand so hard he’s beginning to lose circulation but he’d sooner agree to amputate than he would shake her off.

“You’re on speaker, A-Qing,” Wei Ying says with mock-severity. “Keep it PG for the children in the room, please.”

“So Jiang Cheng and Jin Zixuan are there?” Wen Qing asks rhetorically.

Jin Zixuan sighs but doesn’t rise to it. Jiang Cheng snaps, “Listen, assholes,” partly out of half-hearted irritation, and partly to hear Wen Qing sigh the way she does when she doesn’t want to reward someone with a real laugh.

“Yanli and Lan Zhan are here, too,” Wei Ying says cheerfully. His tone doesn’t match how worried his eyes are. “This is a family-only meeting. So tell us what those texts were about.”

Jiang Cheng realizes right away why Wei Ying bailed on dinner.

There was an apartment fire. The Wens lost everything. Wen Ning is in the hospital with smoke inhalation and second-degree burns because he ran in to make sure their neighbors got out safely. All of their savings are wrapped up in putting Wen Qing through medical school. She’s adrift now in a way that Jiang Cheng has never been.

“There’s... we have an old house, somewhere out in the country. It was sold to my grandparents cheap, but they never got around to renovating it. It’s not even livable, just bare bones.”

A-Li starts crying the second Wen Qing does.

“It’s too much,” Wen Qing forces out. “I can’t do this on my own.”

Wei Ying, to his credit, actually does hesitate. A whole five seconds. And then he says, “I thought you were supposed to be my smart friend. Who said you were doing this on your own?”

He says it as easily as if it was an absolute given that he would turn his whole life around and upside down for her. All she had to do was call.

#

There is a minor disagreement between Jiang Cheng’s siblings.

“A-Li,” Wei Ying says, holding both of her hands in both of his own and looking deeply, imploringly, into her eyes. “You’re way too pregnant to fly.”

Her face crinkles alarmingly, eyes already red and puffy from recent tears. Jiang Cheng, Jin Zixuan and Lan Zhan tense in exactly the same way, at the same time.

“I won’t have you going all the way to California by yourself,” Yanli says in her most eldest-sibling tone of voice. “I won’t have it, A-Ying.”

“I am a grown-up,” Wei Ying points out gently, with all the wisdom of his twenty-four years. “I pay bills and have a job I hate and everything. And I won’t be by myself, I’ll have A-Qing and A-Ning.”

“And me, obviously,” Jiang Cheng grumbles. Wei Ying whips around to stare at him.

“Oh,” Yanli says, a blanket of relief rolling across her face. “Oh, of course.”

“You can’t,” Wei Ying hisses at him, looking more panicked now than he has all night. “Your mother—”

“Okay, first of all, don’t tell me what I can and can’t do,” Jiang Cheng bites back, prickly with worry for the Wens and worry for his idiot brother. “Secondly, you, going by yourself, is not an option. It’s off the table. It was never on the table. Stupid,” he adds, on principle.

Lan Zhan doesn’t contribute much to the conversation at this point but Jiang Cheng learned a long time ago that that doesn’t mean shit. Lan Zhan has more opinions than any three people combined, whether or not he chooses to voice them. There is no fucking way he doesn’t have thoughts about his fiance picking up and moving nearly three thousand miles away.

Maybe there’s some strange alternate timeline out there where he would be content to stay behind and let Wei Ying go off without him, but Jiang Cheng would bet his entire trust fund that that’s simply not happening here.

If ever there was a world where Wei Ying would be backed into a corner and forced to help the Wens alone, this world isn’t it.

#

There’s a minor disagreement between his siblings, and there’s a whole fucking nuclear fallout at home.

“I forbid it,” mother snaps. She’s livid, but she’s livid so much of the time that it started losing its edge a few years ago. “Absolutely not. I refuse to allow this family to lose face because you want to gallivant across the country for some charity case.”

Jiang Cheng sees it when Wei Ying’s posture changes. The dreamy raincloud gray of Wei Ying’s eyes hardens into heavy steel, and his spine stiffens, and his shoulders go back; the absolute opposite of his downcast self at dinner earlier. He’s willing to fight any impossible battle as long as it’s for someone else.

Jiang Cheng grew up looking up to him. He spent all of his formative years as Wei Ying’s little brother. That’s why he’s willing, too.

“The Wens aren’t a charity case,” he says. Not very loud, but he says it. It’s a lot more than he could have done when he was a kid.

“You don’t even know them! They’re just some random people on the Internet. They’re probably scamming you, and you’re both idiot enough to fall for it!”

That’s so untrue and unfair that Jiang Cheng doesn’t know how to argue for a moment. They’ve never met the Wens in person, but Wei Ying has been friends with them since he was ten. They mail each other presents for Christmas and birthdays. Jiang Cheng distinctly remembers calling Wen Qing for help with biochem homework, multiple times. Wen Ning always Skyped with Yanli when he was stuck on a recipe, the two of them cooking together from three time zones apart. They’re all tangled up in each other’s lives, comfortably, irrevocably.

Of course we know them, Jiang Cheng thinks, bewildered.

Out loud, he says, “They’re not scamming us. And we already told them we’re coming.”

Mother screeches and storms around the house and throws things, but she hasn’t actually hit either of them since they grew taller than her. She hasn’t been a source of real fear since Jiang Cheng started looking down at her instead of looking up. It’s mostly just miserable to be around her now.

He remembers that fear, though. It sticks to his body like a half-healed scar. It reminds him to flinch.

#

It’s early enough in the morning that it might as well still be nighttime when Jiang Cheng and his suitcases finally show up at Wei Ying’s building. He leaves his luggage in the lobby under the watchful gaze of the concierge and takes the private elevator up, keying in the code to his brother’s apartment.

The doors roll open to the living room. Lan Zhan is holding a tiny animal carrier in his hands, gazing at Wei Ying in an extremely gross and smitten way while Wei Ying discusses the upcoming trip with their pets. Pidan and Bao are not being particularly attentive, snuffling at his chin and chewing on a piece of his hair respectively.

“Diedie has decided to be stubborn and not listen to good sense,” Wei Ying is telling the rabbits seriously, “so you’re coming with me and ruining your life instead of being safe and comfortable here at home.”

“Baba is being dramatic,” Lan Zhan informs them in turn. “And also foolish, if he doesn’t realize that our home is wherever he goes.”

“This is the weirdest domestic scene I’ve ever walked into,” Jiang Cheng says loudly, since apparently the telltale ding of the elevator wasn’t enough to announce his presence. He has to interrupt before they do something horrible, like make out in front of him. It’s a constant fucking risk with these two. “Are we leaving or what?”

So the rabbits go into their crate with a frankly absurd amount of fanfare and Jiang Cheng helps wrestle the luggage downstairs. By then, the shuttle that Lan Zhan ordered is waiting for them at the curb.

He knows it isn’t going to be a vacation. Wei Ying’s friends are at rock-bottom, and Wei Ying has essentially put his life on hold to help them put theirs back together. It’s going to be hard work. It’s probably going to be painful, and a little bit scary.

Jiang Cheng is only involved because he chose to be, but it never occurs to him to choose anything else.

If this is where his brother is going, it’s probably the right place to go. And if it’s not, if the whole thing turns out to be a horrible mistake and he regrets all of it, then at least he’ll be in good company.

#

Wen Ning is out of the hospital by the time their plane lands, and he’s waiting with Wen Qing at the airport. Wei Ying, who by all accounts should feel as foggy and queasy as Jiang Cheng definitely does, drops his bags and sprints across the terminal towards them.

Jiang Cheng and Lan Zhan follow at a more reasonable human pace, possibly in part to give the friends a few moments together. The busy airport traffic moves around them like a river flowing around a rock.

Wen Ning is sobbing, almost a full head taller than Wei Ying but buried against him like the little brother he is. Wen Qing is leaning quietly against the two of them with her eyes closed, as if filling her reserves and shoring up her strength.  

She’s the type of person who would be able to cow his mother with a single glance, Jiang Cheng thinks admiringly, and more efficiently than Lan Zhan ever could. She must have a spine built out of steel to be able to stand there without crumbling under the weight of what she’s lost.

And Wei Ying stands there holding them up, tireless and steady. He’s talking too quietly for Jiang Cheng to hear, saying something that makes Wen Ning nod against his shoulder. He’ll hold them up until the ground falls out from under his feet if he has to. Thankfully it’s more like three minutes.

Introductions aren’t necessary. They all just trade exhausted looks and move as a cohesive unit towards the doors.

Wen Ning starts to help with the bags, bandaged hands and all. Wen Qing and Jiang Cheng both snap at him before he can so much as touch a suitcase, and then he just waffles in place anxiously, like he doesn’t know how to person if he isn’t actively being helpful.

“Hold the kids,” Wei Ying says in the spirit of compromise, taking the pet crate from Lan Zhan and holding it out to Wen Ning instead.

Somehow, they shuffle everything out of the airport and into a rental car. Lan Zhan’s phone starts to blow up as soon as he turns airplane mode off, so he turns airplane mode back on and returns the phone to his pocket.

“My uncle has checked the credit card statement,” Lan Zhan says calmly. “My brother is handling it.”

“Poor Lan Huan,” Wei Ying murmurs.

“We have to call A-Li,” Jiang Cheng remembers with a jolt. He digs his own phone out. “She wanted us to call as soon as we landed.”

Everyone clusters in close for the FaceTime call with Yanli, who is tearful and hormonal and indignant about being left behind. Jiang Cheng begs her not to get into a fight with their mother over this. Yanli raises her chin and says, “We’ll see.”

It’s a very long drive to the estate. Wei Ying’s head sinks against Lan Zhan’s shoulder in an inevitable, unstoppable act of gravity. He falls asleep within minutes.

“You have to help me thank him,” Wen Qing says quietly, tapping anxious fingers against the steering wheel. “Help me figure out how to thank him.”

Jiang Cheng snorts, not unkindly. “What makes you think I know how?”

An entire childhood spent raising each other, protecting each other, annoying the shit out of each other, and there are still some things Jiang Cheng has no idea how to say to his brother in a way that he’ll understand. Like I’m sorry, and thank you.

Lan Zhan turns his head to the side, so that his cheek is pillowed against Wei Ying’s hair. Outside, the sprawling California countryside sprints past the windows, wild and golden under a relentless summer sun.

fic writer interview game

(though I go such long spans between updates 'fic writer' is a generous description... look, I may not have glorious purpose but I have glorious excuses)

& thanks @aurorawest for the tag 💕

name: Cara

(...not sure how many of you out there know this actually- except those of you who know me IRL! - as while I love my name I rarely reference it here & do enjoy that a certain corner of the internet knows me as lyin)

fandoms: I am a dabbler, a renaissance fan, a reader-of-all-trades (master of none!)- I'm all over the place; if I like something I check the Tumblr tag; if I reblog it I have probably at least stalked the AO3 page to see what folks are up to (I am in my own little fandom corner- but kitty-corner to many avenues!).

two-shots: the closest I've come to a two-shot I wound up putting up as a one-shot instead (or we could count my one fic that only has 2 chapters, but in my head it has more)

most popular multi-chapter fic: I had to check but my guess was right, it is Glass of Water, & you know, imho the one thing ol' fan fic dot net still has going for it over AO3 is its cool statistics - I don't know who you are, 50-100 people from all over the world reading till the last chapter every month on FF Dot Net even now, but much love!

actual worst part of writing: making myself sit down & get going. When I really get going - I forget to stop, I forget to eat, I don't hear people talking or music (when I toured the Louisa May Alcott house they described her writing like this and I related so much), I go for hours upon hours without meaning to and then I stop and - tend to stay stopped too long. I'm not good at the 'write everyday' process; I'm best at it when traveling, when I'd settle in at a coffee shop or location (or on a plane!), write some, & have to move on, but, uh, global pandemic put a cramp in that. I know it has to be on the page to count but I really, really do a lot of my writing in my head first. Most of my fics, if you've read one, are first drafts, straight up. They just got rewritten in my head & half-started notes & beginning scenes until I finally sat down and the whole thing came out at once feeling right. Or half comes out in one burst and the rest in another burst however much later. Typically I'd adjust a few typos & post. This is by no means writing advice! It'd be bad writing advice! But just how I operate. I've tried other ways but I've learned over years that my work's better when I accomodate/work around my natural creative process rather than trying to change it. (Also deadlines. I'm so good at delivering on hard deadlines; I am weak with soft deadlines.)

how you choose your titles: as this is a fic specific 'interview', how I title fics is very different than my og fiction. Most commonly: song lyric (...actually I did title my og fiction grad school thesis after a song lyric too; i may not hear/play much music while I write but I sure think about writing while listening to it), canon reference that is typically One Dramatic Word, poem/quote references with a heavy lean on Yeats.

do you outine?: not for fan fics, but I have a general shape in my head of 'this chapter where this happens' - if I have an unfinished fic with expected number of chapters, those are pretty accurately predictions; I have at least a big picture of what happens in each chapter. & probably some of the conversations, sometimes even already jotted-down dialogue. A written outline? Not so much (my original novel did have a list of chapters with notes to keep it straight but they looked like "Chapter Thirty-Seven: epilogueeeeeeee denoumenttttttttt job" - direct quote down to the # of t's, there)

Ideas you probably won't get around to, but wouldn't it be nice?: I still convince myself I will finish All the Things! but uh some have gone wayside yeah. One I really thought would be cool & know is blowing in the wind was this Buffy fic (yes, A Fic Not Appearing On My Actual Fic Profiles) which was a *whole* Big Concept thing even though I thought I could do it in 5 chapters. ...And then I didn't.

spicy tangential opinion: not that spicy but the fanon/canon gulf is often wide & deep for certain characters in particular &🎶I'm frightened by those who don't see it🎶. really, a character’s fanon version at times may be more fun (though more often it softens character's edges amd I like edges) but... with *certain characters in particular* it feels like that distinction’s been weirdly lost. Also, random, but probably because,my formative years were fan fic dot net, not livejournal, I always feel odd when my AO3 replies to comments (instead of reviews) are a) public and b) add to the comment count. AND I tend to wind up in a loop of 'wouldn't this person rather I spent this time working on an update' where I just... never reply which seems counter to the expected AO3-cultural norm these days, so I feel guilty? Despite the guilt I just reply to so many emails for a living (3 inboxes just for work, plus then my personal email & texts!)... so for the record my default approach is 'I appreciate all comments SO SO MUCH & do read them all but please message me on Tumblr instead if you want a response". 

These opinions are 'pumpkin spice' levels of spice, not exactly cayenne here, but hey I think I achieved tangential

callouts @ me: I always think I will get there faster than I do - this is true when I am driving places too! My friends expect me to be late even though I don't expect me to be late!- so I have been known to, let's say, overpromise on update speed. (I meant to do my work today, goes a favorite poem that always applies @ me) (Time between 2011 and 2021 feels especially timey-wimey and oh no 🎶well, I guess this is growing up 🎶).

(also @ me: overly fond of parenthesis.)

& definitely some people-pleasing tendencies that spill over into, not so much my writing itself, but how I feel about it.

best writing traits: detail, dialogue, ...deaths? Lol but really. My favorite thing as a reader is when writing make you laugh & cry so those are my favorite compliments as a writer. Humor/angst: always my fic genre. Even my closest-to-fix-it fics are labeled 'somebody lives' not 'everybody lives'. ...and I need to update them (dammit)

tagging: ...this is way too long to tag, aka inflict directly upon, anyone else, except @aurorawest who asked for it 😂

My eyes are buening everytime i come across your blog...stop posing diagnostic for real people and take care of your obsession issues

Oh, damn what a vile person I am... ...except that I've never diagnosed anyone, it's not my prerogative, it's not my business and I'm nobody in this world to do it. 

If you saw on my feed something related to diagnoses and health - it most likely was not from my mouth, but I could have just kept someone's posts to myself, because in general I agree with the opinion, or almost everything. Sometimes I close my eyes to some phrases or expressions, do not take some little things into account. 

Also, if you use common sense and think abstractly, in general terms, you can draw certain conclusions about the state of a particular person. You don't have to be a professional. Even an inexperienced doctor or a simple person understands simple signs, cause a lot of this is taught even in school, especially first aid for any manifestations. 

And what's more, I understand perfectly well that it is wrong to draw conclusions without seeing a person nearby, without touching him/her, without being with him/her for some time. The Internet does not fully reflect reality, maybe even practically does not reflect the actual reality at all, and to believe pictures or random coincidences is wrong. But I also do not rule out the fact that there are hypotheses, assumptions, guesses, whatever they may be, and if you are afraid to assume or put forward theories, you think that this is utter nonsense and is the shame or the sin - this is on you. 

Just remember that many discoveries were based on the first assumptions, people did not touch, for example, the Moon or the Sun, did not see the location of the planets, did not see God or Allah, but still a lot of us believe, there are a thousand assumptions in religion, science, fiction and other things, and there is nothing wrong with this and with moderate speculation that does not harm people, phenomena, that are discussed, especially popular ones. Especially, when neither I nor the other people, whose posts I share, publish any materials about diagnoses, do not claim one hundred percent or share with the tags, do not leak anything personal, do not mock, nothing, just discuss the probabilities and the consequences of these probabilities.

I am an adequate person, I was never going to poke someone in the face with my guesses, I am just an independent observer, I look, read, take into account the objective and subjective side, weigh it, analyze, make mistakes, analyze again and draw my own conclusions, express my opinions, or just keep those posts that seemed to me personally correct in one way or another, purely theoretically, according to assumptions. Sometimes, I admit, I can take things on faith, frivolously, without understanding, and only then I think, consult and see what others think, discuss and form my opinion, decision, but nothing is perfect and nothing can be done perfectly, and we all have the right to make mistakes.

A little off topic, but the point is that in case if we do not take into account the mention of a particular diagnosis or whatever it was, I share what I think makes sense, even if half of it is speculation, if I think it is necessary to share something - I share. 

I am a very flexible person in this regard, today I think this way, tomorrow differently, depending on how much argument, facts I see. The more it seems to me that this is at least part of the truth the more is the the probability that I can agree, and I can not agree, if it seems to me too harsh or too vague. 

This is my blog, I publish or save what I think is acceptable in any way. And honestly, firstly, so much depends on perception, it's the Internet, how many people so many views, opinions, and secondly, not everything I can post, or do reblog is a reflection of my feelings, we all carry some kind of image on the Internet anyway, although I try to be fair and equitable. There are situations where people are clearly trying to assert something, are incredibly sure of it, but I often doubt and don't think the same as they do and would never have thought in the first place, although I take it calmly because I can imagine this situation and keep in mind a big IF, what means that in certain conditions if it turned out to be true I would accept this point of view. You can disagree with me or with the people I talk to, or from who I reblog posts. But, why come to so regularly if you are so infuriated? If you think it's your duty to poke me like a kitten in a poop and tell me I'm wrong? If you are not indifferent to the topic, agree or not, express an opinion, and not just like that. I don't understand this logic.

So, to come here, and unreasonably dust me with your poison without understanding anything, without knowing me as a person, making your own conclusions and believing that I am obsessed, is not worth it. You will still be rejected.

I don't care how poisonous your words are, I am a free person and I do what I want, how I want and where I want, except for the forbidden and violating the freedoms and rights of other people. 

I don't know, maybe when I grow up, because I'm only 17 years old, maybe I'll think very differently, speak differently or something, but I'm sure that I won't be like you, or one of a lot of people like you, like poisonous snake.

I'm sorry, but today is not your day. At least you were good at not being anonymous, thank you for that, I really appreciate it, so it will be easier for me to find you the next annoying time when I'm in a bad mood and will be going to block you. Do me a favor, go away, and don't come back here again without a good reason. Have a nice day, don't slip on your own bile on the way back!

where do I even start?

I’m literally only writing this for myself since typing a whole novel out on the computer is way easier than writing this in a physical journal which is what I normally do. I come to Tumblr though when I have way too much to say and don't know how to say it. I just need to get it off my chest before I blow up. so here it goes...

shall we start at the beginning? I grew up in a decently religious household. my mom, sister and I went to church almost every Sunday with all our aunts and uncles. don't get me wrong, I still believe in God and whatnot and I wouldn't change my upbringing in the church for anything. but it may have suppressed my views on the world. something my aunt said to me a few years ago has stuck to brain ever since and I can't seem to shake it. she told me that she actually believes that being gay is a sin and that you can love the sinner but not the sin. so like, she believes if you're gay, you can be gay but don't act upon it/the sin. she believes, for example, that being trans is a mental illness. like, I just can't wrap my head around that. and honestly, she spoke with so much conviction and “sense” that she actually had me fooled to think the same way for a hot second. and then to learn that my other “cool” aunt also believes this... kinda sad. both of those aunts have literally talked down upon family (and our family is very tight knit) and people they love... what would they do if they ever found out about me?

ive felt a lot of feelings ever since I was young. mostly towards males... but also towards females. I just thought the female part was me wanting to be like them or be their friend and just have them like me and accept me as a chill person to be around. but fast forward to a couple years ago. I was bombarded (in a good way) by social media flaunting (in a good way lol) different sexualities and things. its hard to describe but that “world” was just becoming more prominent to me I guess.

I started to try and put my religious upbringing in the background so I could focus on trying to figure out who I really was. ive been doing this for at least a couple years now. and although im still trying to really figure it out, right now half way through 2020, I think im getting closer to an answer. and guess what has helped me the most? tiktok lmao! no but for real, the internet is an amazing place for discovery in any form. after I started to get into real communities online (like kpop and penpaling) i’ve never felt more connected to the internet and it allowed me to try and find real personal help... if that makes any sense. i’ve just tried to put myself out there and not just google my feelings but piece together a map from asking real people over the Internet here and there to try and figure out who I am.

sometime last year (or maybe earlier) I found a YouTube video of a popular creator retelling her coming out story. I just randomly commented on the video about how I had been feeling, not to get a reply but just to comment. but then I actually got a real reply (not from the creator but still a nice person). they said something along the lines of me basically being bicurious. I had never in my life heard of such a word and I had thought that this person was just making it up. one google search later I found out it was a real thing. although at the time of first looking it up I was still very confused about the word... still kinda am? lol. however, just a couple weeks ago I had seen a post somewhere (an ad I think selling pride flags) saying there was an official bicurious flag. I was in shock. I thought it was a scam, but its not, it’s real (I just don't think it’s talked about very often cause it doesn't seem like a solid sexuality that you can claim your entire life). but anyway.

now what i’m gonna say next I don't want to come off in the wrong way (you nonexistent person reading this lol), but I feel like dating a trans person brought me into that “world” a bit more. like, i had literally never met anyone who was trans before him or anyone who was gay or used a they/them pronoun... never. but in his world, all of that was common and normal. and this is where I don't want to come off wrongly... I don't wanna make it seem like because I dated a trans person i’m qualified to be included in the LGBT community now or to talk about LGBT stuff or whatever. I just think because I dated him, it opened up my shallow world a bit. especially because he’s open about it (on a side note I always loved looking at his huge trans flag above his bed. that was the first flag I had really ever memorized because of him. besides the rainbow one obviously lol). like, his best friend uses they/them pronouns, and although i’ve always been aware of that, i’ve only ever seen things about it through YouTube videos and whatnot. I had never had to actually use those pronouns for anyone I knew in real life until I met his best friend. like, everything I knew about that “world” had only been through online researching/consuming. i’d never experienced it in real life before.

I remember one night we talked about it a little. I knew he was bisexual and so I asked him if he’d ever dated a guy. he asked me if I would ever date a girl and i just said that I had always thought about it and that my tinder profile was set to find both genders. then we talked about pride since it was at the beginning of quarantine and we didn't know if parades were still gonna happen or not yet. he said I could always go as an ally because I told him I felt ashamed and like I shouldn't be allowed to attend a pride parade. (of course he reassured me I can go and he wasn't shocked about me liking both genders at all...he just said ‘nice’ lol)

I still have a little inkling in the back of my mind that I still shouldn't be able to attend though. honestly because I don't know what I would be attending as. I feel like an imposter. I don't want people thinking that im doing all this for attention or just because I dated one person in the LGBT community. i’ve been struggling with this for so long... but it just so happens that now at 27 years old im coming to terms with who I am. I just feel like because I didn't figure it out earlier that I’m not “worthy” of being included. I feel like such an outsider because no one’s “invited” me in yet lol because im still trying to figure it out.

and on the same note, I don't feel like i’m worthy because I still really don't have a solid answer. at the moment I just use bicurious because ive never dated a girl before. the trans guy ive been talking about has been the only person i’ve ever been romantically involved with. im serious. I made it 26 years without being with anyone in any type of way. I feel like I don't have the right to call myself bisexual. however, I feel a tiny bit more confident in using that label maybe after I do end up dating a girl in the future and not feel guilty about using it because that same guy calls himself bisexual but told me right out one day that he’s way more attracted to girls than guys and im in the same situation but opposite. the only difference at this point in time is that he’s dated both and I haven't. but thennnn on the other hand, do I even need to label myself at all right now??

even if I did wanna come out, I don't wanna do it until I really have a solid answer about my identity. i just feel like such a fraud or something because im trying to figure it out so late. and like, im going so over the top with my support this year because I feel like I should fit in and maybe im trying too hard? again, I just don't want people thinking its because I dated one trans guy and all of a sudden im huge into the LGBT community. it’s not like that. all of this is just helping me bring out my true self. ugh this is the part where it gets confusing to put into words. i’m aware and I have pure intentions. im just trying to figure out myself after a long time of trying to figure out myself lol

some days the research is overwhelming. there's so many facts and opinions and different people’s stories and labels. as crazy as it sounds I just want someone who’s been gay their whole life to come up and tell me “yup, your bisexual no doubt” lol or something like that. I guess I just want to be validated in my exploration. and i’ve seen random tiktok comments saying stuff like that, that validates me, but the difference is that their comments aren’t directed specifically to me. they don't know me personally. it’s hard to have a random social media comment resonate with me. honestly, and this may sound selfish and not right, but when I was talking to the guy I was seeing, I almost wish he just told me straight out what I was that day. but instead he said I could go to Pride as an ally. and that was probably just him being respectful and not forcing me to be anything, but it almost had the opposite effect on me. by saying I was an ally it felt like he was giving me that permanent label even after telling him I like guys and girls.... ya know?

something recently happened to me that really stuck with me and I was so happy. I have a penpal who is very southern Texas raised religious. she knows the Bible better than I do. I had posted a Pride doodle I did on my Instagram at the beginning of this month and she was the only one who personally responded with an encouraging and supportive dm. if she can support whole heartedly the LGBT community and still love God, then why can't I?? and that's when I trulyyyy knew that I was right and my aunt’s were wrong and I wasn't going insane lol

I wanted to buy a bicurious or pride flag recently. but then was torn when I saw the ally flag (which I also didn't know existed until recently) and the bisexual flag. I know they're just flags but it feels so solid?? like you buy one when you know what you are.... and I don't yet. so I ended up not buying one at all :/

again, there was no purpose to this post because I know no one is going to read it but I just had to type it out into the world so I didn't have to bottle it up anymore.

A Hero’s Vacation, Ch.2

Fandom: Miraculous Ladybug

Characters: Marinette/Ladybug, Adrien/Chat Noir, Alya, Nino, OC(s)

Summary: Reuniting with an old friend goes about as wrong as it could.

Tags: Fluff, Self-Indulgent Fluff, Angst, No Romance (for canon characters), Gratuitous use of OCs, Headcanons Abound

Words: 7975

Chapters: 2/?

<<Chapter 1 , Chapter 3>>

Nino liked hearing Alya talk. She had that perfect level of sass in everything she said and could make anything sound interesting. But this was getting ridiculous. Ever since that foreign hero had arrived in Paris, Alya had been scouring the internet for info on more heroes. And boy, did she find it.

By now Nino knew that there were heroes in Tokyo, Cairo, and Seattle, probably more he didn’t care to remember, along with then names of a dozen such heroes. For three solid days, Alya did nothing but info-dump about some new hero she had found. No one was safe from her overflowing knowledge, having even cornered Chloe into listening.

Marinette, usually the one to reign her in when she got going on about Ladybug, had done nothing to stop her. If anything, she had encouraged Alya to research Eagle and his teammates in the beginning stages. But now she was suffering alongside Nino and the rest of the school.

“The school should just hire her to teach a class. At least then we would have an excuse to not care.” Nino said while leaning back boneless in a library chair. The librarian had kicked Alya out enough times that this had become the official safe zone.

“Be careful what you wish for. I saw her carry a portfolio into the headmaster’s office, so she may have already asked.” Adrien said from across the table, trying to at least look busy reading a book to justify taking up a seat in the crowded library. Looking up to make sure his friend was not going to break his headphones in frustration at the news, he sees Amoux coming towards them.

“Sorry to overhear, but I agree. Alya needs to chill out.” His French was getting better and he was starting to pick up phrases. He sat down in the last remaining chair and began taking out his own work to do.

“Bro, I am so sorry for you. She’s been on you all day. How did you get away?” Nino asked, genuinely curious but trying to be subtle. Alya’s international superhero stint had started with Amoux, so of course she wanted to know more from the only person she knew with firsthand experience.

Amoux smirked as he explained his escape.

“It was not hard once I say ‘I do not know the words to describe him.’ I start talking in English and she lost interest. I was like, ‘Oh Alya you must understand, [Eagle is handsome and courageous like you wouldn’t believe. And huggable! Just look at those feathers and tell me you don’t want a piece of that.]’ She didn’t want to waste time translating, so she moved on.”

The boy seemed quite pleased with himself, making his English sound as close to Alya’s ramblings as possible. Adrien and Nino had caught on to his impression of her and found it hilarious. Not enough to laugh, because that would get them kicked out and put them at risk of another Alya lecture.

“Sounds to me like you have quite a lofty opinion of Eagle.” Marinette turned around in her chair behind Amoux. She too was hiding from Alya and, though she would never admit to it, had found a seat as close to Adrien as possible.

Amoux’s checks took on a pinker shade as he realized the girl had understood what he had said. Good thing he hadn’t said anything too revealing, or he wouldn’t be able to play it off so easily.

“W-Well, I do. He was the best Seattle hero.” He said, trying hard to not panic when he turned around to face her. This school’s English class was rudimentary but well balanced, so she would have the basics down if she paid attention. During his visit to her home he had noticed a pair of framed degrees from a baking school in London, so she might get some of it at home. Just how much English did she know?

Marinette read his face to mean something completely different.

“Don’t worry about it, Amoux. Thinking about your favorite hero that way is completely normal. I’m sure half of Paris would jump at the chance to steal a kiss from Ladybug.” Marinette assured him, her own checks darkening a bit. She only had eyes for Adrien, but her fans could be very passionate and she would be lying if she said she didn’t get anything out of the attention.

“Don’t forget Chat Noir. He’s quite the catch too.” Adrien offered. Compared to Labybug, he had fewer fans that were bold enough to make a pass at him. But when they did, they went all out. Too bad he only had eyes for Ladybug or he would be the most eligible bachelor in town.

“I hear you, dude. I wouldn’t mind a date with the Chat.” Nino said without thinking. The surprised looks from his friends made him quickly amend his statement. This was not how he wanted to come out as bi.

“He’s the coolest dude I know. A friendly date with a guy like that would be dope.” Nino tried not to shy away from it but failed. If the nervous look on Adrien’s face was anything to go by, he had weirded him out.

“E-Excuse me a minute.” Adrien said and he pushed out his chair and marched off to the library bathroom. Nino was decimated. He didn’t have feelings for his best friend. He didn’t want to lose him either.

“Oh man. I didn’t think he would be that much of a ‘phobe.” He said as he flopped onto the table, popping his hat off and nearly cracking his glasses. Marinette wanted to comfort him but didn’t know how. Her parents might as well be saints, so she had grown up learning that people who rejected love based solely on gender were toxic and wrong. Adrien deserved the benefit of the doubt, but Nino deserved better than this.

“I do not believe that. Adrien is a very accepting person who respects the feeling of others, no matter what form they take. Him running away was likely because he thought you were expressing interest in him directly. It’s possible he was thinking of the clothing line he modeled recently, called ‘The Chat,’ which was inspired by Chat Noir himself, and made the association. Once he realizes his mistake he will return to apologize, happy that you no longer carry the burden of keeping that side of yourself a secret.” Amoux spoke calmly, almost hypnotically. There had been no pauses of thought. His French was impeccable.

The library was a quiet place by design, but the silence had deepened. Everyone within earshot had been listening in since halfway through the speech. Slowly but surely, they all went back to what they were doing but remained in stunned silence.

Adrien came back from the bathroom not a second later. He raised an eye brow at the sudden silent focus in the room. The librarian must have put her foot down.

“Man, it’s quiet in here.” Adrien whispered as he approached, unaware that he had indirectly caused it.

“Nino, listen. I’m sorry I bailed like that. There was this fashion line I modeled and-“ He didn’t get to finish before Nino got up to give his best friend a bro hug.

“Dude, it’s cool. Amoux explained it.”

“Explained what?” Adrien asked. Amoux had gone back to his book to not pull any more attention to himself. He looked a bit sheepish.

“I do not like doing that in public. But emergency times call for emergency measures.”

Being Eagle for so long meant that some of his powers came through even as a civilian, which meant he saw things that most people could not. It went beyond how people held themselves, eye movements, eating habits, stress responses. With a good memory and long enough observation, he could predict how people would react and know their reasoning.

This time, Amoux could not shake the feeling he had gotten lucky. Something about Adrien just didn’t make sense. There was an invisible wall in his mind pushing him back as he tried to look deeper. Despite his drive to develop his talents and desire to be able to read anyone right down to the core, something, some force, prevented him from wanting to pry into the matter.

Thinking about it, only one other person shared that trait. And she was sitting right behind him.

Sophia sat on a bench in whatever random art gallery Alex had dragged her to. In another life they would both have been artists, but Sophia enjoyed the creation process far more than the presentation. It was an overcast day in Paris with the clouds threatening to rain, so they had planned a day of indoor tourist activities. The two needed to fill time while their kwamis recovered from swimming and sprinting halfway around the world, so here they were.

Alex came back from wherever wing of the gallery she had wandered off to and sat down. She couldn’t help but roll her eyes at the fact that her partner was on her phone in such a beautiful place.

“[Some pretty neat pieces in here. Makes me wish I had brought my sketch pad.]” Alex said wistfully.

“[It would have gotten warped from being in a backpack for so long. But check this out. The local superteam has a really great blog dedicated to them.]” She handed Alex the phone, which had done a decent job of translating the blog into English. Scrolling, she found an article that piqued her interest.

“[‘Heroes of the World’ huh? We might be featured in that.]”

Sophia leaned in to see. The article had a lot of slang that did not translate well, but was surprisingly well put together and researched for a fan-made article. Each hero had an expertly trimmed photo of them in an action pose at the top of a four-paragraph description of their powers and achievements. Finding her own, she liked what she saw.

“[‘Salmon becomes more powerful in water, making her a gift of god to America’s wettest city.’ I wouldn’t mind replacing my wiki page with this. Mine’s so stuffy and rigid compared to yours.]” Alex whined.

“[That’s the point of a wiki page, babe. Straight to the point and dense as hell.]” She did little gestures to emphasize her point, earning a giggle from her partner.

Alex went back to the main page of the blog and finds Eagle in all the thumbnails for the video posts that week. After watching a few, she hands the phone back to Sophia.

“[He’s been in two fights so far. One before we saw him on the news, and one last night.]”

“[Too bad we couldn’t make it to that one. I really want to see those kids fight in person. That Ladybug girl looks like she’s got a lot of spunk.]”

“[We need to find Eagle soon before we run out of money. Too bad we can’t predict when or where their next fight will be…]” Her voice slowed to a trickle as she realized what she was saying. Alex prayed that Sophia had not gotten the same terrible thought she had. Snapping to face her partner confirmed the presence of The Planning Smirk.

“[No. Nope. Nuh-uh. We are NOT going to stage an attack on Paris just to find Eagle.]” But it was too late. Sophia was already looking into her backpack to check up on her kwami. The Planning Smirk had grown to face-splitting proportions as she started giggling menacingly and hurrying to the exit.

“[Don’t you dare! Our visas don’t cover terrorism! Sophia! Stop! Come back here! SOPHIA!]” Alex shouted with growing worry as she chased her partner out of the gallery and onto the street, drawing concerned looks from the tourists they passed.

Sophia knew it was a bad idea. But she was planning to just knock over some small trees, maybe pop a gate off its hinges, make as small a mess as possible as dramatically as possible. She could hear her partner crying hysterics behind her as she ran. As she rounded a corner looking for a rundown park to vandalize, she caught a momentary glimpse of a black butterfly with purple highlights fluttering past.

“[Oncoor! Surf’s up!]” Out of everything her partner had yelled, this is what stopped Sophia in her tracks. She knew Alex was upset with her for charging into her plan without thinking it through, but surely not enough to transform in the middle of the street just to chase her down.

An inhuman roar of rage, followed by panicked screams, was as clear an answer as she had ever received in her live. Her partner was pissed.

Alex stomped around the corner, eyes engulfed in hot blue fire. Her transformation’s usual silver scales were now a vibrant white with orange patches, both tipped with black. Instead of her trident, she carried a pair of oversized fishhooks with some nasty looking barbs.

“[Salmon? Fishy Cakes? Look, I know you’re mad-]” Sophia took a few steps back.

“I’VE HAD IT WITH YOU! ALWAYS RUNNING AHEAD LIKE NOTHING COULD GO WRONG! LET’S SEE YOU RUN ONCE I GET MY HOOKS INTO YOU!”

“[Salmon? What are you saying!?]” She cried, instinctively turning to run.

“I’M KILLER KOI NOW! AND YOU! ARE! FISH FOOD!”

Sophia broke into a full-on sprint, thankful that her many years holding a Miraculous meant that some of her powers had started leaking into her civilian form. While not superhuman, she could out pace and out last Olympians. Her angry partner was no match for her speed normally, but was now keeping pace with some effort.

“[Help!]”

“This Eutectic Point, circled on the graph on page sixty-seven, is the point at which the mixed liquid phase and both the alpha and beta solid phases have the same energy. If we modulate the concentration of the beta phase, we can force all of the alpha phase into liquid form by keeping the temp-“ Ms. Mendeleiev was interrupted by the sound of a crumbling building in the distance and no less than seven phones getting an akuma alert.

Marinette took a deep breath and began her escape.

“Oh my gosh an akuma this close to the school! I gotta hide!” She screamed with a well-rehearsed look of panic plastered on her face. She didn’t care if her classmates thought she was a coward. With as many close calls she had experienced in her civilian form, she felt more than justified given the circumstances and would defend herself as such.

Alya didn’t even bother making an excuse and ran off. Adrien took advantage of her predictable behavior.

“Alya! You can’t just run off like that.” He said just loud enough that she would not hear as he ran after her. Another collapsing building echoed nearby, which got the rest of the class moving.

Some quick transformations later and Chat Noir was running along the rooftops with Ladybug swinging up from the street below. It didn’t take them long to find the akuma and the woman she was chasing.

“Wow, she can run.” Chat said as Ladybug threw her yoyo to swing down to save the woman. Grabbing her, she recognized the woman as one of the tourists they had helped.

“[I need a place to hide!]” She pleaded.

Ladybug could barely understand her through her distressed tone but swung back up to the rooftops.

“Chat!” Ladybug called to her partner while she pointed to a stairwell door, not wanting to verbally give away her plan. They got to the door at the same time and closed in behind them as softly as they could to not draw the attention of the akuma. The tourist put her hands on her knees to catch her breath.

“[Do you know why the…um, monster, attacked you?]” Ladybug asked, searching for a word to use for ‘akuma.’

“[She…was mad…that I left her behind.]” She said between panting. Ladybug quickly translated for Chat.

“That seems like a lame reason to get akumatized.” He said with suspicion. This tourist was recovering surprisingly fast from having just set a land speed record, he noticed. Ladybug elected not to translate it back.

“[Alright, I’m ready. Let me just get my work clothes on.]” She said to a confused Ladybug. Surly she had misheard.

“[Itippa! Full steam!]” A brown streak flew from her backpack to her ear and she erupted into light. A second later, the tourist had been replaced with a masked hero much like themselves. She wore a skin-tight suit made of brown velvet, over which she wore a crop top leather jacket and a wide belt that was buckled with a large brass cog. Old fashioned welding goggles sat on her forehead in front of the stubby beginnings of antlers. Attached to her wrists were a pair of brass hooves that could flip down to cover her hands.

“Much better. We need to be careful with this fight. She’s pissed, but she’s still my partner. I’m Moose, by the way.”

Ladybug and Chat Noir stared in shock at how openly another Miraculous holder had just transformed in front of them and seemed to instantly learn their language.

“You kids alright? All I did was…ooooh. Right. Should probably explain that.” The French heroes nodded, wanting to know more.

“I don’t mind transforming in front of you guys. You don’t know my name and only know I’m from America. Go ahead and try guessing my identity. As for how you can understand me, active Miraculous holders can always understand each other. Learned that one on a trip to Mexico City. I’m actually still speaking English.”

She sure was talkative and it was a lot to take in, but they were used to weird things happening around them. When you fight people that use powers ranging from anti-love to pigeons, strange becomes the new normal.

“So that means Eagle doesn’t actually speak French.” Chat concluded.

“No, Eagle was French to begin with. You would think his suit was meant to be all patriotic, but it’s actually the French flag. How is my little fledgling, anyway? He’s why we came to Paris and…and why Salmon got mad at me…” She deflated a bit.

“I wanted to fake an attack to draw out Eagle. Just big enough to raise the alarm, then put everything back when he arrived. I didn’t think Salmon would get mad enough to corrupt her Miraculous.” Moose apologized. She absently rubbed her hands together, clinking her hoof guards occasionally.  

“It was Hawkmoth that did it. He sends out evil butterflies to make people his minions by amplifying their negative emotions. All we have to do is find what object the akuma is hiding in and break it.” Ladybug explained. It felt weird having to explain it after so much time dealing with akumas. But here she was, explaining for the second time this week.

“Do you know of anything that she was holding that would be important to her?” Chat continued where Ladybug had left off.

“The earring on her left ear is fake. I made to match her Miraculous to even out her look so she wouldn’t have to take it off all the time to not look lopsided. It was an anniversary gift, so I’d say that’s pretty important.” Moose said while stepping back out onto the roof, boots clinking as the brass hoofprint on her heels met the surface. Killer Koi was nowhere in sight, but the angry roar being carried on the wind pointed them in the right direction.

Chat Noir’s ears had perked up, interested in the implied relationship.

“Anniversary? Are you two…“ He could not help but ask as he built up momentum to cross to the next roof.

“We’re married, yes. The superhero program is legally a scholarship for a university that doesn’t exist, so we get more money if we’re married. Might as well elope, right? So we did what any pair of dishonest scholarship elopers would do and played along with the pet names, hugs, backrubs, little kisses, stuff like that. A couple months in we realized it was real and we never looked back.” It was clearly a story she liked to tell.

Ladybug could practically hear the wheels spinning in Chat’s head, even over the sound of her yoyo chord. She knew full well that he was going to redouble his flirting now that he had evidence of partners-in-justice becoming more.

Chat Noir, to his credit, did not immediately launch into a flurry of pickup lines.

Amoux had a hard time finding a place to transform. His classmates had so much more experience finding the nooks and crannies in the school building that he gave up and found an alley way instead. Scanning for any open doors or windows, he opened his bag to poke at a snoring ball of feathers.

“[Avees, wake up.]”

“[Hero time? Bit early. Sun’s still up.]” Avees stretched with a tiny yawn.

“[New city, new hours. Now get it in gear and let’s go.]” With that little pep talk, the tiny eagle lazily floated out of his bag on outstretched wings. One more yawn and Avees nodded that he was ready.

“[Avees! Wings up!]” He whisper-yelled, lifting his arms as if taking his own command. The kwami became a black streak as it shot towards his collar.

Unlike any other hero he had met, Amoux had found his Miraculous at a young age. He and Avees were coming up on their tenth year together. The kwami had explained to him that transformations become more and more complete over time, with total transformation into an eagle taking a lifetime to happen. Changes in form happened in stages, and he was on the third stage. While each stage became more powerful, most Miraculous holders freaked out and/or retired before they got too far. Learning how to shoot his bow using heavily modified feet had been tricky but worth it for the magical accuracy that came with it.

As Amoux became Eagle, his arms melted away to become wings. He flapped to get off the ground before his feet became talons. Not long after, he knees bent backwards. The familiar sensation of feathers growing all over his body was accompanied by the sudden weight of a quiver on his hip. Taking a moment to adjust to his altered anatomy, he hears the telltale sounds of destruction becoming more distant.

Eagle gives an almighty flap of his wings to shoot out of the alley way and into the air. He surveyes the damage done by the latest akuma victim, flying wide circles over the destruction. Following the warpath carved through Paris, he quickly finds a university aged woman wearing a competition swimsuit with white fish scales running a quarter of the length of each limb. The glint off the sharp point of one of her fishhooks nearly blinds his sensitive eyes.

Remembering the unfortunate habit of his old teammate’s trident doing the same thing gave him a rattling thought.

“I guess all super powered fish like to make my eyes sizzle.” He said to himself with closed eyes, dreading the idea of having to fight someone with Salmon’s powers. His quiver vibrated to signify an incoming call, saving him from the terrible thought. But wait, Ladybug and Chat Noir’s Miraculous belonged to a completely different set. How could they be calling him?

Kicking the bottom of the quiver to accept the call, a screen extended on a telescoping rod to give him a better angle on it.

“Hey, Eagle. Long time no see.” Moose said through the phone, the background of the video call a rapidly bobbing horizon. Her voice was bright but her nervousness was palpable. Eagle flinched hard enough to send himself into a tailspin.

“What are you doing here?! Whose covering Seattle?”

“Earthquakes don’t happen every day, you know. We can go on vacation without the city falling into the sea…again.” The gasp behind Moose told him that she at least had Ladybug with her. But there was no ‘the second time wasn’t my fault’ in the background. Salmon took every opportunity to defend her honor whenever the Great Floods came up in conversation.

“…Moose, where’s Salmon?” He squinted at the screen. Not to read her face, but to convey his suspicion.

“About that…You got eyes on the fish monster thing?”

Eagle turned to confirm he had not lost his target. He did not like where this conversation was going.

“That’s Salmon.”

Moose closed the phone built into her hoof guards to the sound of a continues string of colorful curses. She knew that Eagle was going to give her a stern lecture once this all blew over.

“You get the location from him?” Chat asked.

“No, but I can practically hear him splitting quills from here. Hang a right.” She kicked off a chimney to make the turn, knocking off a layer of loose mortar.

“We need to keep her out of the river. Call the police and have them set up a two-block perimeter along the north bank. I’d do it myself, but they would probably prefer a hero they know speaking actual French.”  Moose continued. Ladybug rolls her eyes as she pulls up the one cop on her contacts list she was on a first name basis with. So much for the ground rules.

“Officer Roger, it’s Ladybug. I need a huge favor…” She didn’t seem confident it would happen.

“Local police that bad, huh?” Moose asked Chat.

“It’s more like we don’t have the authority. The police set up barricades how they want, usually to protect landmarks.”

“Europe is weird.” That was all Moose had to say about that.

“I know, right? Ladybug can fix anything once the fight is over, so I don’t see why they bother.”

“I take it back. Europe is awesome!” She had been wondering how Paris repaired things so fast.  

A few rooftops later, Ladybug had finished her call. It was only then she realized how far ahead she was. Moose was dragging behind, with Chat keeping her pace to be a gentleman.

“Something wrong? I get it if you don’t want to fight your wife, but we need to get going.” She could see Eagle circling in the distance. The akuma must have traveled halfway across Paris by now.

“She needs me. You couldn’t keep me out of this fight if you tried. I’m just not used to these super even rooftops. I usually use the kickplates mounted on the sides of skyscrapers to get around. Or run on the street in the bus lane. Whichever’s faster.” Moose hid her jealousy of the tools at the French heroes’ disposal. All she could so was punch, kick, and headbutt things real hard. Great for sending stuff into orbit, not so great for getting around town.

“Well, isn’t this interesting. I’ve never had the pleasure of bringing a Miraculous holder under my wing.” Hawkmoth said to Killer Koi through the pink laser mask that appeared in front of her face. It had taken far too long to establish a link with his newest minion.

“Shut up, old man. I’m not here to go your dirty work for you.”

He pecked through her surface memories, looking for something to use. Alone in his lair, he grimaced when he found that she was gay. Hawkmoth chose his words carefully.

“It seems you’ve had a bit of a lover’s quarrel. She will surely have enlisted Ladybug and Chat Noir to her side by now. You will need to disable them by removing their Miraculous if you want to level the playing field.” He offered as advise, exerting as much of his control through the link as he could without resorting to inflicting pain. Miraculous holders were resistant and strong willed, it seemed, and could not be outright commanded to do his bidding.

“…Now that sounds like a plan I can get behind.” The laser mask faded as she went back to raining havoc upon the city.

She had lost sight of Sophia ages ago. That girl could be anywhere by now with that super speed she liked to brag about so much. Might as well keep destroying stuff to draw her out. She was about to leap up to smash an out of place red windmill when the cavalry arrived.

“If you wanted to see the Moulin Rouge that badly, all you had to do is ask.” Moose flirted as she did a perfect three point landing across the street. Despite the serious atmosphere, Ladybug couldn’t help but groan. Chat was taking mental notes, she just knew it.

“Just you and two shoobies? You really think you can stop me?!” Killer Koi challenged as she threw a fishhook at Moose. Thinking fast, Moose flicked her hoof guards into place and punched the hook. The hook was heavier than she thought it would be, stopping dead with a deafening metallic clang instead of being rebounded. And the force behind it just kept coming.

Maintaining the punch meant she was vulnerable to the leaping overhead smash coming down on her. She would have taken the hit had Chat Noir not extended his staff to knock Killer Koi out of the air.

Furious at the interference, she threw her other hook into a vicious spin along the ground to swipe Chat’s feet. The terrible sound of metal scraping pavement shot through his sensitive ears that were already ringing from the sound of the first hook, paralyzing him. Ladybug tackled him out of the way, landing on top of him in an all too familiar position.

“Oh, My Lady, how the tables have turned.” He said more out of habit than flirting. Seeing the spinning hook boomeranging back at them, he flipped Ladybug over his head to swap their positions to dodge.

“That’s better.” This cat never knew when to stop.

Ladybug heard Moose say something about how smooth he was under her breath as she sidestepped out of fending off the hook, sending it careening into a storefront before returning to its master. Pushing Chat off of her by his chin, Ladybug stood up to assess their strategy. There was no reason to drag out this fight.

Killer Koi wound up another attack but her balance was thrown off by two arrows clinking against her hooks. Up above, Eagle nocked another arrow but was hesitant to fire again.

“It’s unlike you to hold your shots.” Moose called up to him.

“Let’s see you shoot at a friend.” He answered in frustration, making Moose flinch.

Ladybug could tell that the longer the fight went on the more emotional damage would be done. This needed to end now, for the sake of their friendship.

“Lucky Charm!” Throwing her yoyo into the air to summon a helpful tool, she was caught off guard when a simple plank of red and black spotted wood appeared about her. Catching it as it fell into her arms she nearly dropped the cooked fillet of fish on top of it. It smelled heavenly.

Moose recognized the fillet for what it was. Depending on how badly her partner had been corrupted, it would either serve as the perfect bait or enrage her into a blind charge. Either way, it would make for the perfect trap. Stepping over to Ladybug, she took the fillet before the younger girl could find a way to use it.

“I’m gonna lead her into a trap with this. Be ready to hold her.” Before the French heroes could react, she was already down half way down the street. At least this time she had a plan.

“Honey! Look at this delicious grilled salmon I’ve got! I’m gonna eat it. All. By. My. Self.” She held the plank above her head as she taunted Killer Koi with it.

“YOU WOULDN’T DARE!” The flames burning from her eyes went from blue to white, doubling in size. Embedding her hooks in the pavement, she charged.

Moose nodded back to the younger heroes, who had taken up positions to grab the akuma. She ran back to them, fillet held high, in a wide arc to keep Killer Koi from seeing the trap until it was ready to be sprung. Depositing the plank on the ground between Ladybug and Chat Noir, Moose jumped high so she would land behind her partner.

Killer Koi ungracefully dove to grab the fish, clamoring to her knees to begin eating like a starved animal. Chat grabbed an elbow and Ladybug followed suit.

“Hey! I was eating that! It’s mine!” She struggled against them but the held firm. Realizing she had no safe way of breaking the earring without giving her partner a super powered love tap to the side of the head, Moose went with the only alternative she could think of. Grabbing Killer Koi’s head from behind, she twisted to present the left ear to the sky.

“Eagle! The earring!”

“I can’t do that! It’ll take her whole ear off!” His arrows were larger than the target. Collateral damage was inevitable.

“We don’t have much choice, do we?” It was taking all her might to hold her partner still.

Eagle steeled himself for what he had to do.

“Eagle Eye!” Activating his ability, the arrow nocked on his bow glowed as he drew the string.

Chat blinked. Something warm splattered on his gloved hand. An arrow was sunk into the street up to the fletching, a black butterfly fluttering out of the small crater. The woman he was restraining went limp as dark purple smoke rolled over her.

Ladybug made quick work of purifying the akuma.

“Pssh ow ow ow ow ow.” Alex held the icepack to her ear. She had fainted after the fight and was only now waking up after several hours. Her memory of her time as Killer Koi was foggy, but she remembered enough.

“[That’s it, I’m going to a different salon for piercings.]” She joked as she sat up in the bed she had been deposited in. Sophia was napping with her head in her lap, curled up to where her body had been.

Looking around she saw a sizable and well-furnished room, much fancier than the hotel they had been staying at. The seal of the United States Embassy hung on the wall above the dresser opposite the bed. A set of passports and visas sat on the night stand next to nearly empty bowls of almonds and chocolate.

“[Morning, beautiful.]” A sleepy Sophia said from her lap. She would have leaned down to plant a kiss on her forehead if a small gray mermaid had not flown into her face.

“[Girl, don’t scare me like that! You got hurt so bad that I-I…]” Oncoor burst into theatrical tears. Alex pet the mermaid with her free hand.

“[Whole ear’s still here. See? It just stings.]” She pulled away the ice pack momentarily, feeling her cold ear to make sure she wasn’t lying. It was painful, but intact.

“[You can thank Ladybug for that. They should be back to meet us in the lobby soon.]” Sophia said while checking the time.

“[Back from where?]” Alex wasn’t sure what she was expecting, but she thought at least one of the French heroes would have stayed.

“[Turns out all three of them still go to school. I’m starting to wonder how old Eagle is.]”

Sophia stretched and wiggled her way to the edge of the bed to stand up.

“[We need to suit up. Ambassador Zeya wanted to talk to you.]”

Two transformations and an escort to the ambassador’s office later, they were informed that they were not in any legal trouble. Zeya made it clear that Salmon was the victim. Once that was settled, they were taken to the lobby to wait for the other heroes to arrive. No less than four guards joined them.

“[Are the bodyguards necessary? I’m pretty sure we can defend ourselves if need be.” Salmon wondered aloud as she sat down.

“[No offence, Agent Salmon, but you just leveled a quarter of Paris. The citizens of this city are quick to forgive, but they’ll need time to feel safe again. You will be under observation for the time being.]” Said the shorter and burlier guard. Salmon wanted to sink through the floor.

“So this is what you look like.” Chat Noir said as he and Ladybug carried Eagle in through the front door and sat him down in a chair, resting his legs on the table. Eagle was used to such treatment, having attended press conferences at indoor venues. Being carried was more dignified than being pushed around on a cart, at least.

“How’s the ear?” Eagle asked once he was situated.

“Stings real bad, but getting better. From what I remember it was not an easy shot. Good to see that you’re not getting rusty in your retirement.” She readjusted her swim cap to stop it from pressuring her ear.

“And you, Little Miss Polka-Dot, deserve a hug for fixing it.” Salmon lifted a startled Ladybug as she stood, spinning the girl around before losing her footing and tumbling over. Her balance was still recovering.

The heroes talked well into the night, sharing stories of daring-do. After a competitive game of ‘My Supervillain Could Beat Up Your Supervillain’ the guards stepped in to ask them to head home.

“Right. I’ve still got an essay to finish. How long will you be in town?” Ladybug asked, getting ready to carry Eagle outside.

“At least a day or two. Need to do some community service to recover Salmon’s PR.” Moose said. They hadn’t checked the news yet but it would take a major, earthshattering headline to overshadow Salmon’s brief conversion to the dark side.

They said their goodbyes before being escorted back to their room by a very confused looking pair of guards.

Agent Dunn had seen more than his fair share of strange occurrences in his time at the embassy. Paris had become rife with oddities in recent years, not to mention the bizarre customs of foreign dignitaries that he was assigned to protect.

This night had been particularly strange. It was unprofessional to do so, but he needed someone to talk about it with.

Once his shift was over, he pulled one of the other guards that had shared his assignment aside. Agent Duncan seemed to share his desire to discuss the matter. They talked in hushed whispers as they made their way home.

“[I never thought I would see the day when keeping tabs on five teenagers in furry getup would be official business.]”

“[No kidding. And what were they speaking, anyway? Sounded like French but it was all English words.]”

“[It sounded like English with French words to me.]”

“[They must have some techo-magic-whatever doing it. Except for that Eagle guy. He stuck with one language at a time.]”

“[But did you see his knees? I get that bird knees are backwards but that has got to be the weirdest thing I have ever seen.]”

They continued on like that all the way to the Metro station.

Marinette was late to class the next morning. Not by much, but enough to get a sideways glance from Miss Bustier. They had come to an informal agreement to let it slide if the lecture had not started yet, allowing for about forty seconds of grace period once the bell rang. Unlike most students with truancy issues, Marinette actually tried to be on time.

“Alright, now that we’re all here, please pass your Voltaire essays to the front.”

Mainette’s throat went dry. The essay was on her desk at home, forgotten in her scramble to make it on time. Miss Bustier read her like a book and sighed.

“Marinette, we can’t keep doing this. If it’s not on my desk by the end of the lunch break, you will have failed the assignment.”

She felt small, wanting nothing more than for the lesson to begin so her classmates were not focused on her failure to remember things. Chloe had other ideas and pounced.

“You might as well give up now, Marinette. No fashion designer would ever hire someone as flaky and incompetent as you.”

She knew that she shouldn’t let Chloe get to her. But those words hurt. It took everything she had to keep herself from crying. Alya rested a reassuring hand on her shoulder but it didn’t help.

The sound of wood scraping tile behind her startled her from the downward spiral she was feeling.

“Adrien. I need your desk.” Amoux commanded as he stomped down the steps. He had watched these girls for some time now, wanting them to sort it out for themselves. But he’d had enough. Adrien had just managed to pull his note pad to the side before he hopped up to sit on the desk, facing Chloe so he was looking down at her.

Amoux closed his eyes and looked upward as he took a long breath. Snapping down to look Chloe right in the face, he opened his eyes and began to read every aspect to Chloe’s being.

It was the most piercing gaze Miss Bustier had ever seen. She knew she should take control of the situation, but a small part of her wanted to see what was about to happen. Rumors of his skill had reached the teacher’s lounge. He was said to work wonders.

Chloe froze, unable to break away from him once he had locked eye. The anticipating silence in the room had become electric, as if lightning could strike any moment. When Amoux spoke, his voice flowed like warm water, washing over everyone listening.

“Why do you do this? What joy do you derive from the despair of others? Has it truly been so long since you have felt loved that this has become your only source of happiness?” His voice was even, calm, and slow, without a hint of the anger that had initiated this forced therapy session.

“I-I don’t know what you mean. Daddy l-l-loves me.” Chloe stammered. Her face ran through a sea of emotions, betraying her racing thoughts. She could feel his eyes bore through her mind. The more she resisted, the more was brought to bear as she tried not to think of certain memories.

“You used to be such a sweet little girl. You lived with your loving mother in a small apartment away from your father, having been too young to remember the divorce. She was your guiding light. If not for her death, she would have become a shining beacon of hope for all of Paris. You were sent to live with your father, who knew nothing of raising children. He showered you with gifts but could do nothing to ease your pain.”

Marinette could feel her dark emotions flow out of her. It was as if Amoux’s voice had washed a thick layer of mud off her bones and poured it back into Chloe.

“Months passed. You constructed a mask of money to hide the pain you felt, buying your way out of your problems as your father did. Any friendships you had were twisted into relationships of abuse. You watched yourself become a wretched person and could do nothing to stop it. In time, you came to believe the mask was the true Chloe.”

Chloe faltered under the weight of the critique, a single choked sob escaping her throat. Yet she could not look away, as if held in place by an invisible hand.

For a brief moment, Amoux considered stopping there, leaving Chloe to fend for herself in the bottomless pit of emotions he had hurled her into. But he could see the gentle soul within her, buried under a decade of guilt and loneliness.

“You had nearly forgotten what kindness was until a hero appeared. Ladybug reminded you that it was possible, even pleasant, to give yourself freely to others. Memories of your mother came flooding back to you, taking you back to a time before the money had made you cruel. For the first time in years, the mask slipped. You saw what you had become and hated yourself for it. Not knowing what to do, you put the mask back on and tried to forget. But it kept slipping. Just last night, you cried yourself to sleep from the regret of what you had done.”

Chloe did not know when she started crying, but her tears had washed away the makeup that hid the dark circles under her eyes caused by a restless night.

“You want to be a better person, someone you mother could be proud of. That is why you focus so heavily on Marinette, hoping to learn from her example. You see so much of your mother’s kindness in her that it hurts. Nothing would make you happier than to be her friend. But the mask is not easy to remove. On days you manage to show your true face, you can’t bring yourself to even look at her. You remember how you have tormented her and put the mask back on to save yourself from being crushed by the regret.”

Marinette could feel her heart explode with sympathy. She didn’t know how she was going to forgive Chloe for the last four years, but she was willing to try.

Amoux released his gaze and his hold on Chloe, who fell out of her seat into the aisle. By the time she hits the floor she is bawling. After a few seconds of trying, the first thing she did once she got a leg under her was to throw herself up the steps to Marinette’s bench. Chloe looked up at the girl with wet eyes.

“I’m so sorry, Marinette. I just wanted what you had. That selfless kindness…it was too beautiful to watch.” It was the most genuine thing Marinette had ever heard her say. Seeing Chloe humble herself like that made her heart explode a second time. She slid down to the end of the bench and lifted Chloe into a tentative embrace, letting her cry.

“You have a long way to go before you become the person you want to be. Marinette can show you the way, but only you have the power to change yourself for the better.” Amoux concluded as he walked around the girls to return to his desk. Sabrina made her way over to comfort Chloe, hugging her around her midsection.

Miss Bustier could not believe what she had witnessed. In the span of seven minutes, Chloe had gone from a textbook example of a bully to a sobbing apologetic mess. In the years she had taught this class she had been powerless to do anything about the mayor’s daughter in fear of losing her job, or worse, getting the school shut down. But here was this boy, breaking her down and building her back up with a gentle ferocity.

“…Right, the lesson. Um…Never mind. Please read the next chapter for your homework tonight. Class dismissed.” Amoux was a tough act to follow.

It took a moment for the class to realize that they could leave. It took a moment longer for them to decide if they wanted to leave. Miss Bustier had to motion to the door to get them going. Once most of the students had shuffled out, she got to work dealing with the aftermath.

“Amoux, Chloe. You should come with me to the headmaster’s office. You can come if you want, Marinette. And Alya, I would like you to delete the video you just recorded. I don’t even know if you did or not, just delete it.”

Alya gave no protest as she ended the livestream and deleted the recording.

  Author’s notes:

-So, Alex and Sophia are kinda based on my friends whom I ship IRL. (Don’t worry, they were thrilled when I clued them in about being superheroes. Jury’s still out on the shipping)

-I make no claim of understanding for how embassies work. Like a hotel with more security?

-It felt incredibly good to destroy Chloe like that.

-Chapter 3 is a definite MAYBE. posted.

<<Chapter 1 , Chapter 3>>

I was tagged by @beckettsthoughts,  which, thank you. <3 <3 <3

RULES: Always post the rules. Answer the  questions asked, then write 11 new ones. Tag 11 people to answer your  questions, as well as the person who tagged you.

THEIR QUESTIONS

1. What is something  you’ve seen in person that you never thought you’d see in person? (E.g. rare  or bizarre wildlife, a dream destination, a celebrity)

Literally in a  parking lot I saw a raven using salsa. It was dipping its fucking parking lot  scavenge food in a little paper cup of SALSA. What the ACTUAL fuck???

2. What book/movie  do you keep saying you want to read/watch but know you probably never will?

Let’s be real, I am never going to get through The Silmarillion, I am a  low person of low quality

3. What song will  you forever associate with school dances or discos? 

GET LOW! And also, um, the Cha-Cha Slide. I’m old.

4. What’s your  favourite supermarket to shop at? Why is it better than all the others? 

Trader Joe’s. It is the fucking best in all ways. They have a lot of  random delicious items that I’m in love with, they have the best chocolate,  they have my favorite wine and it’s under $4 a bottle, they have dorky cute  house brands like “Trader Jose’s” for their Mexican food, I like their red  quinoa and dried pineapple and sweetened coconut chips and maple cookies, and  there are always samples and you can get produce there that actually has  flavor, is affordable, and is not ROTTEN like all the produce in Mississippi.  Also a favorite is ALDI, which is super cheap and offers pantry staples $2-3  cheaper than anywhere else and has a lot of types of food that are no longer  accessible to me now that we live somewhere without one—like, who can pay $8  for a pack of pancetta for her pizza sauce? Not this dude. At ALDI that shit  was $3. The working poor need dried Italian meats too.

5. Do you have any  local myths or legends? 

CUBA ROAD. It was just this creepy road and if you went down it at  midnight you would like, either not come back at all or come back horribly  changed. It was Haunted. No one I know who braved it ever saw anything but I also  only knew like, one person who dared try. I certainly didn’t.

6. How did you meet  your best friend? 

ON THE INTERNET READING FANFICTION, that’s actually how I meet almost  all of my significant relationships. not even joking. I just give my home address  and phone number to strangers on the internet, it’s been working out pretty  well the past 14 years

7. Think of the best  teacher you ever had at school, what were they like and why were they the  best?

to be honest with you, I have completed 24 years of formal fucking  education and I have had so many teachers, trying to pick the best one is  shredding my heart! I had one teacher for Anatomy who was really passionate  and gave us these embarrassing activities like doing autopsies on pickles  (she had dressed them up and given them wounds, like toothpick splinters and  ball-bearing bullets) and hypothesizing about cause of death; I had an  amazing ball-buster history teacher who yelled at me in class once for  working on homework for another teacher and from that moment on I adored her;  I had a really intelligent professor with really high standards who taught  psychopharmacology and I worked the hardest I ever have to do well in his  class because I respected him so much; I had a really excitable professor  from Luxemborg who I took a “gender benders” in lit and history class with  who was amazing and kind to me even though at that point I was too anxious to  ever speak; I recently took Medical Anthropology with a greek woman who  shouted about politics and biomedicine daily and just thinks about things as  a hobby and I want to be her when I grow up and she let me write my entire  term paper on how mad I was at sexism in my field of study.

The trends in what I like are: passion/enthusiasm; having high standards;  not being nice to me to try to get me to like them. because I’m broken in  strange and interesting way the quickest thing a teacher can do to lose my  respect is try to make me like them. Like, be kind of a dick to me and then  praise me for killing myself on papers to win your approval, that’s all I want.

8. Have you ever had  any funny holiday/vacation mishaps? 

once when I was interviewing for a graduate school program I was given  a hotel room by the school, which was pretty decent of them—they had this  weird on-site hotel—and I was all prepared to settle in, had my shit spread  all over both beds, when in came the OTHER APPLICANT I was apparently sharing  the room with. This was terribly embarrassing. I had an anxiety disorder at  the time, was easily embarrassed & soooooo behaviorally inhibited. Anyway,  long story short, I forgot to pack pajamas so instead of saying that like a  normal person, I just… pretended really casually like I always slept in the  same sweater I’d worn all day and wormed out of my jeans under the covers

9. Speaking of  holidays and vacations, what are the best and worst holidays you’ve ever been  on?

best: the Wizarding World of Harry Potter for my honeymoon, a spring  break trip to Toronto, a wedding in Martha’s Vineyard, going to Boulder for  the first time and spending a week with @simplydalektable and the way everything  was made of sunshine and gold and I didn’t need food or sleep or anything but  her

worst: when I was 15 and my parents took me and my half-brothers to a  remote cabin in the wilderness with no internet and it was during the days  when texting and phone calls like, existed but you had to pay tremendously to  enjoy them so they were Outlawed and everyone was tense and mad at each other  and bored because like, we are not equipped to socialize who would think locking  us all into one room was a good idea; once when I was depressed at Disney  World with my mom and all I could think about was how I was supposed to enjoy  it more and everyone was mad at me because I was an Angsty Adolescent; these  are pretty mild horrors, my life is pretty good

10. Do you collect  anything? Did you collect anything when you were younger?

I used to collect comic books with great seriousness! Now I collect  band shit and copies of Lord of the Rings, my favorite anything ever. I have  4 editions currently, which is not nearly enough. I collect books in general  with fervency.

11. What led you  create a tumblr blog, however long ago that may be? 

oh my god this is the most me thing ever, but there was an art festival  in the town I was living in and some old fucking white dude entered a project  that was Commentary On The Youths or some shit and used the selfies of young  girls that he took from the internet to criticize millennials for being  shallow???? Like, that is a form of cultural appropriation, these girls are  growing up in a society that allows them some modicum of control over their  own image and they’re using it to explore and define themselves and own their  own selves for one fucking moment in their lives, and You, some Gross Old  Dude, are just putting your slimy hands in there and like, trying to make a  Point about something you can’t possibly understand????? And I was so angry I  decided I was going to do my OWN selfie project (I’m in year 2 now; I was  daily in year 1 but I’ve been slacking the last six months), so I made this  blog, and for the first year I used it only for posting my daily selfies. like  every fucking other thing in my life, I created this blog out of pure rage.  (someday I will tell you the story of how I became so mad at the field of  clinical psychology that I decided to become a clinical psychologist, and  somehow powered through 8 years of torturous education on that anger alone)

And for the second  part of this, I tag @xabjectlessonsx @crhiscornell @syndestruction @time-less @immoral-crow @we-are-the-weirdos-mister @oceanjade345 and any of you lovelies who would like to!

MY QUESTIONS

1. What is the  sickest you’ve ever been and why?

2. What is your  favorite thing to drink?

3. What song do you  use to deal with your emotions? How does it work—does it suppress them or let  you express them?

4. If you could only  watch one movie for the rest of your life, it would be:

5. Favorite myth, legend, or fairy tale?

6. If you had a  perfectly self-centered wish you could make, what would you wish for?

7. Tell me about  your pets.

8. In your  opinion, what is the most perfect record ever made? (Doesn’t have to be your  favorite)

9. What’s your  favorite thing about space?

10. What are you  nostalgic for?

11. List 5  words you think everyone should start using more.

Survey #67

“i wanna grow up, i wanna be, a big rockin’ roll star!”

did you pay attention to anything you were being taught in health class?  i always listened, yeah, but it scared me a lot because my anxiety around that time was mostly health-focused. i was afraid i was going to get everything somehow lmao. what are your feelings regarding shopping?  i like shopping for myself, but not for vitals. like grocery shopping, nah man. shopping for stuff like clothes, bueno. do you think people have any misconceptions about you? i'm not certain about many things, but i am certain about that. have you ever worn fishnets? no, but dey sexy. do you go somewhere to get your eyebrows done? occasionally i'll go to get them done, and the woman who does them is actually my hairdresser. do you believe prayer really works? boy, isn't this relevant to some things going on... the answer is, i don't know, but i'm leaning towards "only if god for whatever fucking reason deems you more worthy than someone else who's prayed for something for a fucking year but i don't want her to have that." the people whose prayers come true just seem so fucking cherry-picked. do you have one best friend who is always there for you? apparently not. only when she agrees my issues are "valid." describe one of your most emotional farewells. well, the one that affected me the most was certainly when jason left, but it wasn't the most emotional in that moment of all my farewells. the one i would define as most emotional was when my lizard shadow died. he was old (i had him most of my life) and wasn't moving much, but i finally realized he was dying. it was so. fucking. slow. and he was obviously in agony the last day (yes, this shit lasted days), as he kept writhing and opening his mouth to gulp in air... oh my god, i don't even like talking about it. i sobbed and sobbed and talked to him so much, and any time i sat by his cage, he always looked at me. he was such a sweet little boy. have you ever been tied up? no. i really don't know how i'd feel about that. how many times have you been cussed out? online, PLENTY. irl, i only remember one occasion. does it bother you when people ask personal questions? who's asking? do you know anyon​e who’​​​​s been in jail? i do. have you ever considered acupuncture? noooo. have you ever watched the same sex undress? she undressed in front of me, but i didn't watch her. have you ever seen the last person you kissed cry? i've seen him tear up, but never totally cry. have you ever seen your mom or dad drunk? my dad's a recovering alcoholic, so i saw him drunk a lot. i'm pretty sure i've seen mom drunk once, but she denies being drunk. do you enjoy mario games? not particularly, but i mean, i'd play something like mario kart for family fun. do you think that necessities should be free? (ex. food, toilet paper) hm. debatable. does it bother you when dogs lick you? no, unless they're licking my face. do you feed your pets human food? occasionally. which is worse: being sexist or racist? oh jeez. do you think suicide is selfish? i mean, yeah, it is, but if this makes sense, it's not a damnable kind of selfish? like you truly are thinking about yourself and not how it would affect others, but sometimes, y'know, you need to think about yourself. i'm not saying suicide is ever necessary, but i understand why it happens. would you take a dirty picture of yourself for someone you are dating? heh, probably. what are the most embarrassing songs in your itunes library? lmao i think i have one taylor swift song. OMG I DO IT'S "PICTURE TO BURN" KILL ME. how picky are you when it comes to choosing who to kiss or not kiss? VERYVERYVERY. i have to be sincerely interested in you. do you feel that having sex anywhere but a bed is more exciting? i'm sure you've heard this enough in my surveys, but never had sex, done sexual things. but i mean sure, doing things in places other than the bed was usually more fun, but i ALWAYS felt way, WAY more vulnerable and paranoid. in your opinion, is it ever okay to get back with an ex? of course it is. people change/learn. what's the first animal you go to see at the zoo? it would be a meerkat if my zoo still had them, buuut... what's the strangest or rarest creature you've seen at a zoo? a white (not albino) alligator! o: what animal is at a zoo that really, in your opinion, shouldn't be? oh, i'm sure there's many if i was more knowledgeable about this subject. do you like zoos or aren't you bothered? i have mixed emotions. i offer you a cigarette, you say... "no thanks." why do you think you were put on this earth? i go back and forth between god planned me very intricately and uniquely to my parents just decided they wanted a kid. is it ever okay to hit a child? when is this? NO. YOU DO NOT. TEACH YOUR CHILD. THROUGH FEAR. do you think violence in video/computer games influences the nation also? oh boy, this question. no. it doesn't. pretty sure we didn't have video games since humanity began, and we've had violence since the start. are you in any shape or form, racist? no, i'm not. are you in any shape or form, sexist? no, i'm not. how do you think the world will end? the world itself, or humanity? humanity will end whenever god feels like it. the earth itself, well, i guess if it explodes somehow. what natural phenomenon do you find the most beautiful? WHAAAAAAT, I HAVE TO PICK ONE?! would you kill someone who killed a child? how about YOUR child? i know without a doubt you killed a child, mine especially, i kill you. what is your favorite cover of a song? "hurt" by johnny cash. bar none. have you ever been in love with someone who was fatally ill? holy fuck, thank god no. have you ever received or given a make-over? ... oh god... yeah... i gave jason a make-over lmfao and got him to pose for a picture after like 30 minutes of pestering him. i'd show the picture, but i have too much respect for him ha ha ha. do you know anyone who is HIV+? not to my knowledge. have you ever been to a desert? nope. do you know any trans* people? not irl what is your favorite beatles song? "hey jude." i'm honestly not a big beatles fan whatsoever. what is the poorest you have ever been? probably now, really... i'm sure you know of the gamer fad on youtube. who's your favorite? markiplier! is there something written on your shirt right now? "we're all mad here" what is your favorite song to play on guitar hero or rock band? "king nothing" by metallica!! \m/ where do you find the surveys you take? as of right now, i've been getting my surveys from a lad over at livejournal who has a good 2k surveys stockpiled up. i'll occasionally pick some up from tumblr, too. if i'm truly desperate, i'll just google search and find random webpages. what's one weird/annoying thing your pet(s) tend to do? OMGGGGGG YAAAAAAA'LLLLLL. okay so my dog teddy has this super weird habit of, totally out of the blue, trying to climb onto me and lie directly over my face. like i have to physically hold him back to stop him, and he still fights against me to try and get on me. i haven't the slightest idea why he does it, but it's super annoying... i always have to bring him to his room so he'll stop and calm down. what's your favorite song by your favorite artist?  YOU SHOULD NOOOOT BE ASKING ME THIS QUESTION OH GOD. i have a very, very difficult time picking favorite songs. i'll go through my fave artists regardless though and try... ozzy osbourne: probably "trapdoor." metallica: oh god. uhhh. "king nothing," i assume. otep: eeeeek!! i really, really love "special pets" and "apex predator" like the same!! marilyn manson: yikes. errr. "heart-shaped glasses," maybe. WAIT. "angel with the scabbed wings," perhaps. cradle of filth: i guess their cover of "mr. crowley." rammstein: "donaukinder," pretty easily this time. a day to remember: "i'm made of wax, larry, what're you made of?" fuckin' rocks!! do you have an "original character?" well, as a forum role-player since i think 2007, i think last time i counted, i have over 200, lmao. and yes, i'm attached to them all too much to kill off half of them. fuck my life rip rip rip. what about a persona/fursona?  ye, ozzkat. do you ever MAKE your own surveys?  not an entire survey, no, but once in a blue moon i'll think of a question i think's really good and add it onto a survey. why's it the woman who have to give birth anyway if the man is physically stronger in most cases?  i mean, besides the obvious, are you asking why it was ever made this way to begin with? *shrugs* who really knows? do you get good internet there? nnnnnope. it goes out pretty frequently. ever had a cavity? how many? i sure have, but idk how many. ever broken a tooth?  indeed. when i passed out as i was scrambling out of the shower because i felt dizzy, i landed dead on my chin. a good number of my molars shattered. the feeling of all those broken fragments in my mouth when i woke up... ewwwww. ;D; for a while, they went untreated as they were not causing much issue. eventually though, they needed to be filled, i think because the microscopic cracks that were formed were expanding. it could've ruined those teeth. what did you do on the playground at your school as a child?  for a long, long time, i mainly swung if there were any swings open. it was the one thing i actually enjoyed doing outside. in my older elementary school years, i actually started a trend, ha ha: digging tunnels with our hands in the sand pit. idk why exactly i liked doing it, but i did. my friends and i would always be the weirdos digging the entire time we were outside. i remember once we made a pretty intricate system. are you into comics? no, i don't read them, but i still sometimes enjoy who the subject is. ex. i like batman, but i've never read his comics once. would you ever like to work on a farm? i would not. i don't like outdoor labor, honestly. did you ever have computer disc games you played as a kid? sure did! we had "putt-putt," "freddy the fish," "i spy spooky mansion," "odell down under," "oregon trail," i personally had vet-oriented games, and i remember there was one about going up the amazon river, and it was the third in the series. that one was my all-time favorite. OH OH OH! and i had this wicked cool dinosaur game that taught you about various dinosaurs and looked sooo realistic!! what do you think of people who have therapists? i think they're brave as fuck to admit they have a problem and need help??? like what else would i think??? do you have any of those adult coloring books? i do. i don't use 'em a lot, though. don't enjoy coloring like i used to. ever ridden an elephant?  no, but that'd be REALLY cool. deserts: dreary or beautiful?  beautiful!!! ever seen a panda?  i don't believe i have, even in a zoo. what kind a camera do you have?  nikon d3200 do you have stretch marks? where? don't be shy, they're tiger stripes! i'm much convinced they're not tiger stripes. all they tell you is i'm overweight, not that i'm a warrior. and honestly, the better question is where don't i have stretch marks. i gained weight way too fucking fast when jason left, so... they're kinda all over the place. they're fucking gross and i've tried so hard to get rid of them using bio oil (which was working, but we don't have the money to keep buying) and another cream that doesn't do much. ugh. lobsters: cool or scary?  both. they're honestly pretty creepy, but i do believe they're still quite cool, too. opposoms: total vermin or cute? CUTE AS FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK what tv channel dominated your childhood?  ha ha animal planet!!! if nicole was picking what to watch it'd be disney channel, but me, animal planet. (: it's such a shame how much animal planet has changed, though... now it's all about people and how to survive a fucking animal attack... ever actually seen a snake in the wild?  here in the rural south, plenty of times. i have two noteworthy occasions, though. once, when i was being dropped off at home from school by a family friend, we stopped short because of something in the driveway. my sisters and i got out of the car to see a rattlesnake- a HUGE one- curled up, head raised, hissing, and rattling its tail vigorously. we called for our mom and dad, who came outside and immediately called somebody; i don't recall who, but they were not going to harm the snake. they came quickly and, with a shovel i think, moved the snake to the large tobacco field right across the road of our house. the snake was quite compliant, i was surprised. second, also many years ago, i was taking a walk and found a pretty small snake in the middle of the road, which is just a gravel path. it didn't want to move, but it seemed perfectly alive and healthy. i couldn't identify the species, but i don't think it was venomous. regardless though, i refused to be stupid and touch it, but i still stayed by it and directly a car once around the snake because i didn't want it run over. my friend came over, however (they were whom i got around the snake), so i abandoned the serpent and went home to play. after she left, i went to check on the snake, and he'd been run over. :( i was sincerely sad. have you ever had a PET snake? what kind? i've had two! my first ever was a ball python named mona lisa, and wow... i never knew it was POSSIBLE to love a snake so dearly. i mean, "it's just a snake," right? no, she was family. she was going to play a big part in my senior project actually, but she sadly died due to the pet store's own negligence (there was a tick on her when we adopted her, and it apparently made her ill). after mona, i adopted another snake quite a while later; it was too young to distinguish gender, so i gave it a neutral name: cato. it too was a ball python, and we had little cato for a very short period of time... it never deficated, and when it passed and its tailbase swole up, we took its corpse right to petsmart because i had a feeling they were to blame. again. apparently, we'd adopted a sick snake: something was wrong with its bowels, no doubt, and the employee assumed it had to do with bacteria. i absolutely refuse to ever adopt a reptile from petsmart or petco ever again; they just don't treat their reptiles and rodents (i've got a gooood story about rats...) like family in my frank opinion. i've located a ball python morph breeder instead, and i plan on adopting from him very, very soon. (: ever had an encounter with a snapping turtle? they're scary!  ha ha ha omg guys my older sister ashley once fished up a HUGE snapping turtle!! it was liiivid! i can't remember how my dad did it, but he got it off suuuuuper-duper carefully. wait, or maybe he just cut the line, i don't remember. do you like oatmeal? eh, i have to be in the mood, and it needs JUST the right amount of milk or it's too liquidy. i also only eat it with milk, not water. wherever you live, have you ever seen your national bird? i have once in the wild! :D i live in north america, so it was the bald eagle. it was SO BIG. ever had a reptile as a pet that you had to feed crickets? did you ever pick up the crickets? i sure have: a chinese water dragon lizard named shadow. for a very long time, i couldn't touch the crickets, no. eventually though, i would pick 'em up and drop them into the cage. later in shadow's life though, it was much easier (and convenient for him) to just dump the whole bag of them into his terrarium. it was so cute how he'd get so excited every single time he saw a cricket! i miss him. :( ever play hearthstone?  i have, but only to get the "i won three games" mount in world of warcraft, lmao. it's an okay game, but i don't love it. i'm not the best with tactic games like that. ever gone hunting? biggest thing you've ever shot?  i do not go hunting, no, i can't stand the idea of killing an animal for sport. my little sister does sometimes, though. i don't think she's been in a few years, however. coolest place you've ever been hunting? n/a. how about fishing? biggest thing you've ever caught?  heeeeeell yeah, man! been fishing since i was a little girl! :D i never keep anything i catch though: i kiss my hand, touch the fish's head with it, and gently place it back into the water from whence it came. i caught my biggest many summers ago while catfishing one night... i hooked a blue catfish in the eye. whoooops. o.o; i ended up catching it, and it was huuuuge! wish i had the picture dad took to show you guys. with its size, dad said i could certainly keep the fish to cook up for dinner, but i said no, to let him go. watching dad take the hook out though was horrid; the fish ended up losing its eye. :( so i called him "'ole one-eye," hehe. 'ole one-eye was just fine when he got back in the water, thank goodness. i almost caught something i KNOW was even bigger once, though. same fishing spot, catfishing again. fought with it for a while, and holy SHIT i wish i'd seen how big it was. ended up breaking my line pretty quickly. i wanna go catfishing again. :( coolest place you've ever been fishing?  i've never been fishing outside north carolina, and not far from home, either, so i haven't really been anywhere necessarily "cool." there's two places i consider quite interesting, though. the catfishing spot, for one, is at a dam. i don't know what about it, it's just real cool there. the second spot, though, is much more wild. it's in the middle of shitfucknowhere and you have to brave through some pretty thick woods to get to the river. It's also connected to a dam, but you can't see it from where you fish. it's a great place to fish for striper. boy, is it pretty there, too... wish i had pictures. i love how untouched it is. i watched a mink, i think it was, dive into the water once. this fishing talk is making me so nostalgic! which is cooler: african or asian elephant? i wouldn't say one's "cooler" than the other, but i find an african elephant to be more proportional with the size of its ears. the asian elephant's ears look too small. craziest thing you've ever eaten?  i honestly don't think i've ever eaten anything considered strange. i'm VERY picky and don't really risk much with food. i mean i guess the "weirdest" thing was i took the smallest, smallest bite out of deer jerky once. what's in a camel's back? fat. it's not water, if that's what you wanted me to say. do you believe in any cryptids?  i think i do, yes. there's just been too, too many sightings, and i don't believe that many people are liars. i think i believe in sasquatch, chupacabra (not the "omg it drinks blood" bullshit, but the coyote/??? mixed creature), the dover demon, mothman, hellhounds/the many ghostly hounds people have seen in the world, olitiau if i spelled that correctly, i'm iffy with the jersey devil, and i'm sure i'm forgetting some i think are plausible... i am VERY interested in learning about any cryptid. i mean c'mon, a good portion of our world is entirely undocumented! who knows what's out there! "lost tapes" was my shit back in the day, until like the last season where everything looked too fake. steve irwin: foolish for messing around with animals or brave for teaching us? steve irwin was anything but a fool. he was an inspiration for all us people who love and are fascinated by animals. he was my teacher, despite never meeting him. he put his safety aside to teach the world about creatures big and small so we could respect and honor them. god bless that man, and may he rest in peace. you were and still are my hero. what do you think of people who put their whole life on social media? some things need to be kept quite, sure. like i'm not gonna go on facebook and proclaim, "i just had sex boiz!!" or "just took a shit, ya'll!" some things, keep a mystery. your whole life isn't everyone else's business, you know? if you post a lot, i have no issue with that, just know your boundaries. don't you think it's a bit deceptive to wear a push-up bra?  no??? is wearing certain pants to make ya dick look bigger deceptive, too??? perhaps some people are more comfortable with the cushioning. or maybe they could only find their size as push-up. or, just maybe, a woman likes to feel better about herself. do you truly believe we came from chimps? why? no, i don't. and i have a plethora of reasons, but the underlying belief of mine is that it's just implausible and i don't believe our body can "pick" the "right" trait to pass on to increase odds of survival. to believe we all came from one organism just seems... very unlikely. well, what do you think of extra bones and even organs in our bodies? why do we have them?  if you're talking about the appendix, it actually does have a use. it's vital to survival in the fetal stage. I don't remember what it does, though... extra bones, i can't entirely tell you with certainty. my own sister had an extra bone in her hand, gross stuff... i like to think of them as god fooling around in the sims creation page *wink* if you could choose anyone to be your mother, who would it be? i honestly don't think in any case i'd want another mom. if you could choose anyone to be your father, who would it be?  ... i honestly want to say james hetfield, but i think incest might be a problem because fuckshittits i'd fuck him and he's in his 50s kill me pls end this madness. weirdest video game you've ever played? hmmm. i personally don't think i've ever played a "weird" game. the first "silent hill" is pretty damn whacky, but far more in a scary sense than weird. it just really throws everything you've ever thought about the world into chaos. we're having a pig-pickin'! whatcha eating?  oh god... i hate those... please no... D: ever been on a scary hay ride? i have indeed, at the old church-oriented cheerleading and basketball place ever been to a castle?  i have n- wait! i've been in cinderella's castle in disney world! :D what's your favorite kind of penguin? i think they're called emperor penguins. they look very majestic but silly simultaneously! whales. should they be allowed in sea world?  i don't think so, honestly. if so, they'd need a WAY bigger aquarium than i remember seeing them in... ever seen an albino? whether it be human or animal?  pretty sure i've seen albino mice, but that's it, i think. what do you think of the song "miss jackson" by panic! at the disco? good song very good a++ what is the wallpaper on your best friends cell phone? i'm pretty sure her lock screen is she and her husband, and her home screen is a bible quote. do you feel comfortable singing in front of others? nope, no one. do you like using big words when you talk? if i believe this word to be more descriptive/accurate when explaining something, sure? do you EVER use caps lock? yes, i do, for emphasis. i'm extremely passionate and talk exactly how i type, so there's gotta be emphasis!! are you loud when you’re having sex? i wouldn't know, but i was always quiet doing sexual things because i was sooo nervous about being loud, even if no one was around. have you ever wanted to drop out of school? definitely. i was suicidal in high school partially because of school, and i really considered it in order to potentially save myself (i ended up having to drop all but one class when the issue was brought to my principal). i did drop out of college. when was the last time you watched south park? well over a year ago. i watched it with jason occasionally, he enjoyed it. are you italian? i am not. are you interested in photography at all? well, i'm hoping to be a photographer, so. any survey takers that annoy you on tumblr? not at all. there are some whose answers i disagree with very much, but honestly, every survey taker i've seen seem pretty cool. do you like bob marley? OH MY GOOOOOD NO I HATE HIS VOICE can you talk to your parents about anything without them judging or bickering at you? i don't think so, honestly. are you interested in art? very much so. don't you think we're spending too much money on exploring the mere theory of climate change? lmao who made this, donald trump??? no. climate change is important as fuck and if we keep this shit up, could very well end or nearly decimate humanity. everyone always wants to know your favorite animal. what's your SECOND favorite? probably rhesus macaques. very mischievous and social. who’s your favorite disney character? probably mulan, but i have no real preference. have you ever taken the eharmony personality quiz? YES AND I HAD ZERO MATCHES GG do you take vitamins? if so, what kinds? not anymore, no. how much was your prom dress? what’s the most you’d spend? i'm not sure how much either of them costs... and i really don't know how much i'd pay, but not too much, i mean, it's just prom. would you marry someone of a different religion?  depends on the religion, really. like some religions have beliefs i would never respect, such as some religions believe the woman is far lesser than the man. i wouldn't marry someone with those beliefs. how did you learn the word “fuck”? school, i'm sure. if you could make one of your enemies your best friend, who would it be? why would i want to be friends with my enemy, as anyone who i consider my enemy is obviously so for a reason? what is the last movie you saw in theaters? trolls. soooo cute. (: have you ever got into a wreck?  i've been in an accident, not a wreck, i'd say. do you think you are an argumentative person?  no. to avoid confrontation, i usually just keep my opinion to myself to avoid this whole issue. can you admit when you’re wrong?  i'm quick to admit that honestly. i doubt myself. are you easily confused?  VERY VERY VERY do you think you would make a good wife/husband?  i hope... have you ever caught a butterfly?  omg i forgot this story... a few days after jason left (it may have even been the next day, i don't recall), i found a yellow-and-black, crippled butterfly. i tried so hard to nurse it back to health, but it was useless, it was going to and did die. i buried it in my back yard among crysanthemums (i probably murdered spelling that). honestly, part of me getting my semicolon butterfly tattoo relates to that butterfly. have you ever deliberately tried to get someone drunk? no, that sounds... really wrong. do you like being kissed on the neck? if you want your clothes ripped off, sure. favorite song by the band the offspring? uh-oh, i'm not sure! i reeeaaally love "why don't you get a job" and "pretty fly for a white guy" about the same. how many times each morning do you press the snooze button? i never use an alarm, so. when you go out to eat, what sides do your order with your food? fries because i'm a fat american what video game or computer game are you best at? am i best at? idk, really. how do you normally come across new music? youtube's recommendations what subject in school do you feel is the least necessary? it depends on what you want to do in your future, really. they all have purpose, just not for everyone. do you enjoy power outages or do you get annoyed? i wouldn't say i "enjoy" them, but i'll usually get excited a bit for like a minute just because something different is going on. are you pretty politically correct? yes and no. have you ever behaved like a stalker?   ... i think so, honestly. do you appreciate other people’s opinions?   appreciate, yes.  it's part of what makes us unique. if you could pick your own pet name, what would it be?   *shrugs* do you care what’s going on in the world?   i'm one of the idiots that lives on it, duh i do. how many partners is too many?   having any more than one do you examine the tissue after you blow your nose?   yeah, ensure there's no blood or anything. do you prefer boys to shave down there?   no preference.  whatever they're comfortable with. how much does your mother know about your sex life (or lack thereof)?   all she knows is i almost had sex once but didn't.  i talked to her about it because i felt VERY guilty. are any of your siblings married? what are their spouse’s names?   only ashley is married, and her husband's name is nick. have you ever had a pet bird?   no, i wish. how many times have you moved in your lifetime?   i've moved twice. if you could get one piercing and one tattoo, where would you want them?   piercing, labret.  one tattoo... ohhhh man... i think it'd still probably be what i'm starting next: the painting "denialism" by da's tatchit on my right upper arm.  it doesn't have a personal meaning to me, honestly, i just think it's fucking awesome. would you consider yourself to be adventurous?   depends, really.  what're the risks of what i'm doing? has any part of your house ever been flooded?   no, only our yard. is there anyone that you're worried about right now? who and why?   well, jason is the obvious.  i always worry about him, whether or not he's happy and moreso if he's being loved enough... because i can guaranfuckingtee ashley will never love him like i do. if you won a lot of money, would you donate any of it? to what organization would you donate it?   i'm sure i would, but idk where. describe the best friend you've ever had, or the best person you've ever known.   jason, quite easily.  he was both my boyfriend and best friend.  he just kinda... changed one day. have you ever adopted a stray animal?   MANY cats, yes. if you were seriously ill and couldn't find the necessary help or treatment in your home country, would you ever travel abroad to get treatment, expenses aside?   who wouldn't, honestly? what time did you wake up this morning?   i'm woke 24/7, motherfucker. ever wonder if you’re someone’s everything?   i have.  apparently, i wasn't. would you ever bleach your hair platinum blonde?   i actually kinda want to, but it's another hair color mom won't allow.  my hair is like supremely healthy and she doesn't want me to ruin it. what is your mom’s middle name?   marie do you know the color of your ex boyfriend/girlfriend’s eyes?   yes, a very mellow dark brown. have you had your wisdom teeth out?   no, but it looks to be inevitable soon. your appendix?   nope, i still have it.

How Kyle the Vegetarian Lost 27 Pounds and Started Crushing Pull-Ups

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How Kyle the Vegetarian Lost 27 Pounds and Started Crushing Pull-Ups

It is true: you really can’t outrun your fork.

I maintained thinking about this- over and over- when speaking with Kyle, one of our Nerd Fitness Coaching clients.

You see, Kyle works for a non-profit that promotes bicycling as a major mode of transportation.

As part of strolling the walking- er, cycling the cycle- 10 years ago Kyle gave up driving a auto.

Instead, he gets around by biking, strolling, or public transportation.

Since Kyle motorcycles most days, you might believe all that riding would ensure he’d stay in shape.

However, you’re reading Nerd Fitness, which means you’re smart-alecky. So you know that people can’t outrun their fork…or out pedal their fork.

Like many others who struggle to lose weight, Kyle lived off pizza and other carb-heavy foods, which brought in a ton of extra calories.

Simply set, despite the crazy amount of exert he did every day, he still ingested more than he was able to pedal away.

As we know from study after study after study, it is very difficult to exert your route thin. This is why adjustments to nutrition are the key to a successful transformation.

Which is exactly what Kyle did!

I’m honored that Kyle is one of our 1-on-1 coaching clients, and that we were able to offer some tips-off on how to go about a vegetarian diet correctly, something many Rebels struggle with.

Switching up his diet is not the only accomplishment Kyle has attained: he is also now crushing pull-ups!

Which makes me really happy.

You don’t need to hear all about it from me though: let’s brought under Kyle!

HOW KYLE STOPPED TRYING TO OUTRUN HIS FORK AND LOST 27 POUNDS

Steve: Hi Kyle! Thank you so much for taking the time to chat with me.

I’d love to hear from you about your past- Can you take us through a typical day before you started your journey with Nerd Fitness?

Kyle: My day would include an early morning to construct breakfast and get the kids ready for school. Then I’d ride my bicycle to the office. I’d work all day- stopping to purchase and feed pizza or a sandwich for lunch. After run, I’d ride my bicycle home. Evening day “wouldve been” expended hanging out with my kids until bedtime.

On days when I am traveling, substitute family time and school preparations with takes part in an airport or hotel. And I travel a lot.

Steve: Traveling are likely to be grueling, especially when being on the road takes you from your family.

I find it interesting you bike to and from work. But from talking to you, I know it wasn’t enough to prevent you from gaining weight.

Can you tell us a little bit about your fitness journey prior to finding Nerd Fitness ??

Kyle: For more than a decade, I’ve incorporated some physical activity and healthy eating into my daily routine :P TAGEND

I gave up driving a automobile as my primary mode of transportation about 10 years ago and rely on stroll, biking, and public transportation to get out.

I’ve been a vegetarian for more than 15 years.

And I’ve engaged in other extracurricular activities like indoor soccer, operating half marathons, or mountain biking.

I often thought that all this was enough to keep in shape without the need to adjust my diet or routine.

Steve: I hear ya- I can also see how it could be frustrating to do “all the right things” and not look the style you want to look for all that endeavor! You were already exerting, watching what you eat, and remained active.

What constructed you decides that something needed to change?

Kyle: Last year, my wife lost 60 lbs almost entirely by changing her diet.

In June, she and I had the opportunity to take a short vacation together without our kids.

We took a lot of photos during that journey and after looking at them- compared to her new, lighter, appear- I realise how much weight I had personally put on over the last couple of years.

Starting a new job, moving the family across the country, and adapting to a new hectic traveling schedule for run had left me 30 pounds heavier than any time previously in my life.

When we got back home, I started looking for local gyms and fitness programs that I could join, but none worked with my busy traveling schedule( severely, I travel a LOT) or weren’t convenient enough for me during the time I was home.

I didn’t want to give up the precious period with my wife and kids when I wasn’t traveling, so I began looking for alternative solutions and stumbled upon Nerd Fitness.

Steve: I’m so happy you induced your way to our strange corner of the internet. We’re very lucky to have you as part of the Nerd Fitness community, and we’re glad you chose us to kickstart your journey, brother!

You’ve been working with Coach Matt M ., what is he having you do?

Kyle: I asked Matt to design a workout that could be done either at my hometown gym or in any random hotel in the world with an unknown quantity of fitness equipment.

Because my surrounding was constantly changing, I required a workout program that worked anywhere and everywhere.

I also stressed that my past anxieties about going to a gym centered around not knowing what to do- how many reps of what exert, should I use the machines or not, is this too much weight or too little.

It was all only a bit dizzying.

Simply put, Matt provides a workout routine in three supersets that can be accomplished in about 60 minutes. Each exercise has one or more alternatives that can be performed depending on what equipment is available.

The supersets usually progress from core body routines, followed by heavy lifting, and concluding with lighter lifting that also engages a bit of cardio. The alternatives maintain me on pace when I don’t have barbells or other equipment while on the road.

Since I expend about 50% of my period traveling, having nationwide access to my trainer has been a game changer.

Training while on the road works in most cases, and there have been some scenarios where the alternative training exercises Matt were essential to staying on track.

Being a NF client constructed that both easy and possible.

I’m proud to say I haven’t missed a workout since we started working together.

This has helped with the confidence that no matter where I am, I won’t fault in achieving my aim.

The consistency is paying off. For the first time in my life, I’ve been able to rock pull-ups! I’m the strongest I’ve ever been.

Steve: That’s great! Although I’m super-biased( I have a coach-and-four who programs road workouts for me too ), I suppose NF Coaching is perfect for people who traveling a lot. When you think about it, you have worldwide accountability and expertise!

What’s been the most important change you’ve stimulated since starting this recent journey ??

Kyle: Eating.

Like I mentioned before, I’ve been a vegetarian for a long time, but often resorted to carb-heavy bread, a dizzying amount of melted cheese, and chips to fill in the thirst between salads and quinoa bowls.

Matt helped me track my eating and make adjustments that still worked with my dietary predilection.

Like the workouts, Matt also helped me design snack options for my busy traveling schedule- protein bars and shakes- so I wouldn’t be driven to a slice from Sbarro between flights.

Being a vegetarian, I spend most of my endeavour maintaining consistent different levels of protein intake. Since consuming protein comes along with either fat or carbs, balancing the amount each day was the biggest adjustment I attained.

As we progressed beyond what foods I like to eat that work within those parameters, we began incorporating carb loading on workout days, intermittent fasting when I’m not traveling, and small dinner plate utilization for portion control.

Steve: That’s astonishing! I’ve written before that a common mistake vegetarians build is simply living off bread and pasta. I’m really happy that Matt was able to take an objective opinion of your diet and attain some suggestions.

What’s a typical day for you like now? Workouts, diet strategy, and so on. Devote us the details!

Kyle: On workout days, I’m normally at the gym by 5am. It’s early- but it simply works for me to get the workout in first thing in the morning before my kids are awake or I go to work. The gym isn’t usually too busy then either.

After my workout, I skip breakfast and motorcycle to my job. I’ll drink coffee and water all morning during run and usually have a light lunch around noon.

My recent go-to is a plate of raw veggies with hummus and hot sauce. A couple of hours after that I have a protein shake as an afternoon snack. Then I’ll bike home from work and begin cooking dinner for the family. This is usually my biggest meal of the day. Often it includes eggs.

We’ve also been experimenting with using cauliflower in all its forms. Since my wife is continuing the diet plan that helped her lose 60 lbs, it’s really easy to keep on track by feeing together.

Steve: It sounds like you have a solid routine: you’re very active and prioritizing nutritious snacks. Great job dude!

Besides your routine, what else has changed about you?

Kyle: I’m definitely able to wear clothes I couldn’t have worn a year ago. Now that I’m smaller and weigh less, trying on clothes genuinely makes me aware of how heavy I had gotten.

There’s also a pleasure in sharing this transformative moment with my wife.

We are both working on our selves side by side, and it adds a level of support that I find really helpful when all I want to do is eat an entire cheese pizza, lol.

Steve: I love that you guys are supporting each other- and I can’t wait to see where you are a year from now!

Do you have any words of advice for somebody who just starting out on a weight loss journey? What if they’re considering a change, but not sure this is right to start?

Kyle: Coach Matt helped me realise a person doesn’t have to make all the drastic changes overnight.

To anybody starting out, going one step at a time is easier than trying too much, too fast!

Even though I was prepared for a bigger shock, Matt’s coaching eased me into new routines and merely after I demonstrated a commitment to those did he offer something new.

And honestly, that’s been really helpful when it comes to eating.

Also, if you travel, a remote coach-and-four you can access from anywhere is awesome! It turned out to be exactly what I needed.

Steve: Traveling can be tough to maintain healthy habits, so I’m glad you saw a solution that works for you.

Okay, I’ve got to ask: where do you plant your nerddom flag?

Kyle: I’m all in for Star Wars( and a minor participant in most other fandoms ).

The family and I attend cons on a regular basis and are trying our hand at cosplay for the first time this year!

I’ve also got a huge vintage Star Wars action figure collection that my kids and I add to regularly.

Steve: A Star Wars collecting you let your kids even look at? Dad of the year … Some fathers won’t even let their kids in the same room as their collectibles.

Where do you go from here Kyle? What objectives and habits are you still working on?

Kyle: We’re definitely working to lose a few more pounds, which would bring me down 30 lbs! We’re tackling this mostly through the addition of interval cardio training and small diet modifications.

Additionally, we’re working to reach some interesting physical fitness goals.

I’ve never been able to do a pull-up, but now I’m doing two each workout( and working towards more ).

I’m not sure what we’re working on next, but I’m looking forward to the next steps at getting there.

Steve: YES! Welcome to the “I love pull-ups and want to tell the world” club. It’s the best club.

Thank you so much for taking the time to share your story with us Kyle! Best of luck to you and the family!

THE 5 KEYS TO KYLE’S WEIGHT LOSS AND LEVEL UP SUCCESS

In speaking with Kyle, I realized he had a few key traits that helped him succeed where many others fail.

Lots of people try to get in shape.

Many of them have a lot of the same obstacles to overcome as Kyle:

A crazy travel schedule. Responsibilities as a new daddy. A diet too dependent on carb-heavy foods.

What’s special about Kyle is not the challenges he had to face. We all have unique barriers in our lives.

What’s special about Kyle is how he went about systematically overcoming such barriers.

In speaking with him, and analyzing his choices and decisions, I think there are five traits that set Kyle apart.

Here’s what we can learn from Kyle’s success :P TAGEND

# 1 KYLE KNEW WHEN TO ASK FOR HELP

There’s nothing quite like a spouse or partner or friend who is crushing it to motivate you to stimulate some changes.

Kyle’s wife decided to get in shape after having their two kids- she created a plan, stuck to it, and lost 60 pounds.

When checking out photos from a recent vacation, Kyle knew his wife was on the right track.

He, however, was not.

But he didn’t know what to do: he was already feeing the style he thought he should, he was biking every day, and staying very active. The outcomes just didn’t match the effort.

And he was also stuck due to his work schedule: Traveling made any kind of fixed routine impossible. What does one even eat at an airport that isn’t pizza?

Kyle knew things had to change, so he decided to ask for help from a professional. A professional that spoke his language: a dad that loved Star Wars.

That extra pair of eyes from Coach Matt- a father of 2( and huge nerd ), which permitted Kyle to see things in a whole new way.

Asking for help was a great first step, and then he did something many people forget: he actually LISTENED!

# 2 KYLE LEARNED YOU CAN’T PEDAL YOUR WAY THIN

When people want to get in shape, they often think that hours of cardio is the answer.

They’ll start a go routine, or buy a treadmill, or even start biking to work.

While exercise and movement are critical for heart health and overall happiness, we here at Nerd Fitness know “You can’t outrun your fork .~ ATAGEND”

I think it’s super awesome that Kyle works to advocate cycling as a major mode of transportation. More motorcycles on the road and fewer cars is great for everybody involved- including the planet.

However, Kyle learned a valuable lesson: biking miles a day, in of itself, is often not enough to get in shape- unless it’s be included with changes to nutrition too.

We highlight over and over here at Nerd Fitness that 80% -9 0% of the weight-loss equation comes down to a proper diet .~ ATAGEND After gaining 30 pounds as a new daddy, despite pedaling his motorcycle every single day, Kyle knew something had to give.

He lost weight- though I believe maybe 1 of those pounds might be from trimming his beard! Ha

# 3 KYLE ADJUSTED HIS PLANT-BASED DIET

While Kyle expended a lot of calories riding his bike everywhere, it wasn’t enough to overcome all the calories he was feeing in bread and pasta.

Kyle tried whenever possible to feed healthy vegetarian dishes like salads and quinoa bowls, but they never fulfilled his thirst This led to him eating bread along with “a dizzying sum of cheese” to hold him over until his next meal.

So although weight loss come down to calories in and calories out, the quality of the food can really impact how easy or tough it is to stay within your calorie goal for the working day.

It took an outside pair of eyes, from Coach Matt, to point this out to Kyle.

Now, Kyle prioritizes a healthy plant-based diet.

He skips breakfast and snacks on veggies and hummus and a protein shake during the day. His big main meal at night will often include eggs, a great protein source for those on a vegetarian diet.

The fiber from the plants and the protein from the eggs help keep Kyle full from dinner to meal. So he can motorcycle around town and not be seduced by the pizza joints on every corner.

# 4 KYLE MADE THE ROAD WORK FOR HIM

Traveling can build get in shape challenging.

Your normal routine is thrown out the window.

Instead of cooking your own snacks in your kitchen, your dependent on eateries. Instead of having access to your normal fitness facility, you get the rundown treadmill the hotel keeps so they can say they have a gym.

Here’s the thing though: you don’t require a gym to train. You can work out in a nearby park, find an empty playground, or even only do bodyweight exercisings in your hotel room.

The important phase is consistency. To not lose momentum on the days you’re away from your home.

With Matt’s help, Kyle developed a plan on workouts to do from anywhere.

If he’s at home?

Perfect, he’s off early to the gym to crush his training.

If he’s traveling?

No problem, Matt constructed workouts that don’t require any equipment whatsoever.

No momentum is lost.

If you live on the road, don’t let it become an excuse to not train. If half your days are spent in hotels, that’s plenty of time to continue growing stronger.

Make exercise your one constant when living out of luggage.

# 5 KYLE HAS A SUPPORT NETWORK

I’m so happy that Kyle’s wife is also on her own journey, going about things her own route. They’re also supporting the heck out of each other!

This entails it’s two heads in the kitchen instead of just one.

When Kyle has to wake up early to make the gym, his wife understands( and vice versa !).

They both want to prioritize their health, for their own future and the future of their children. Having person in the house whose on the same fitness journey is a godsend.

Plus, it’s not the only subsistence Kyle has.

His coach, Matt, also has his back. This non-judgemental extra pair of eyes proved critical.

Matt helped Kyle watch, with a little bit of adjustment, his vegetarian diet could be a tool for weight loss. Matt helped Kyle create a plan for the gym, so he was able to get in, know exactly what to do, and get out.

Matt adjusts Kyle’s workout on the fly depending on his traveling schedule for the upcoming month. Every day, Kyle wakes up, looks at the NF App, and knows exactly what he needs to do.

The lesson: if you can, find a fellow Jedi or a Jedi Master!

Maybe your spouse has expressed interest in getting in shape.

Maybe you have a brother or sister or roomate who wants to start strength develop, and you two can share your progress with each other.

Maybe you have a coworker who also wants to go for strolls at lunch with you.

Or perhaps you are able to hire expert guidance, like a coach-and-four, to help attain schemes and recommendations for you to hit your goals.

A companion can be a lifesaver for when things get difficult, so team up- even if it’s just for accountability!

WHAT SMALL CHANGES CAN YOU MAKE, LIKE KYLE, TO LEVEL UP YOUR LIFE?

The great thing about Kyle’s transformation, is he is still Kyle!

Kyle still takes his motorcycle to run every day.

Kyle still follows a vegetarian diet.

And Kyle still shares his love of Star Wars with his kids, because kids should know about Star Wars.

Sometimes, you don’t need to do a complete life overhaul to level up your life.

Sometimes, an outside pair of eyes can point out some key changes you could attain, to help you reach your goals.

No matter where you are on your fitness journey, I would encourage you to think about what constructed Kyle successful :P TAGEND

It’s okay to ask for help. You don’t know what you don’t know. Asking an expert to take an objective its consideration of their own lives can be vastly valuable. You can’t peddle your way thin. I wish getting in shape was as simple as biking to run. While it is a great lifestyle habit, diet will still be 80 -9 0% of your success. Be careful with a vegetarian diet. Vegetarian or not, you still need to know what you’re eating! A salad and quinoa bowl can be vegetarian, but so can pizza and donuts. You can perfectly do a vegetarian or vegan diet incorrectly. So, don’t do that! Don’t lose momentum on the road. Staying fit while traveling can be tough. However, if you make a plan, it’s an impediment that can be overcome. Don’t make this journey alone. If your spouse wants to get in shape with you, great! Take them up on it! If this isn’t an option, a coach-and-four can also be a great accountability partner.

If you related to Kyle’s story, apparently doing the right things without making any progress, think about what you can do differently.

Start by testing your hypothesis:

Maybe running on a treadmill for an hour isn’t enough to burn the calories from all that pizza at lunch.

Maybe a vegetarian diet should include veggies.

Maybe pull-ups are the best. I know Christina, another coaching success narrative, concurs!

As we learned from Kyle, an outside pair of eyes can be really useful for analyzing your routine. Sometimes it’s hard to look at ourselves objectionably.

Depending on your current situation, our 1-on-1 NF Coaching Program might be only the extra pair of eyes you need! Person who can learn their own lives, understand your individual obstacles, and make a plan for success!

Want to learn more? Go ahead and click on the box below and schedule a bellow with our squad!

No matter what you do, here’s what I want you to take away from Kyle’s story :P TAGEND

Diet is everything. You can still gain weight even if you bike to and from work. If you aren’t inducing the progress you’re after, look into a different nutrition strategy. Make-up small changes, but make changes. Are you frustrated that what your doing isn’t working? Try something else this time!

In a year and a half, by be concentrated on the above two points, Kyle get within 3 pounds of his goal weight( 27 pounds down at the time of this writing ).

If you started be concentrated on your diet with small sustainable changes, I promise you in 18 months, you’ll be closer to your goal than you are today.

The important thing?

Start!

Not tomorrow. Not next week.

Today!

-Steve

PS: I want to give a special shout out to Coach Matt, who the non-judgemental pair of eyes Kyle needed to level up their own lives.

If you are somebody that wants to have your own Yoda guiding you in the ways of the Force, check out or 1-on-1 coaching program, and I could be sharing YOUR story this time next year!

PPS: Speaking of success stories…If you’ve had success with any aspect of Nerd Fitness, whether it’s our free workouts, Academy, or Coaching, email us! Send your story to contact( at) NerdFitness( dot) com and let us know so we can share your escapade with the galaxy!

Read more: nerdfitness.com

Best Albums of 2016

So first off, holy crap: I started this blog over 5 years ago. 

I’m sorry that I haven’t really kept it up other than the general “best of (insert year) activities. Maybe 2017 will be the year that I revamp this old thing? Depends on time and such. 

Either way, here are my top 15 albums of 2016. Feel free to send me your favorite releases of the year as well. And, as always, this is just my opinion.

HONORABLE MENTION

Car Seat Headrest: “Teens of Denial”

(released May 20 on Matador Records)

I kept hearing a lot of good things about this release so I picked it up with no prior knowledge of the band. It’s certainly a very good record, but I feel it is a bit overlong and meandering to really garner my adoration. Some songs drag on a bit too long and there are odd production choices, like songs featuring with 4 minutes of noise or a refrain being repeated into oblivion. Also, vocalist/songwriter Will Toledo’s vocal delivery is super mellow and laid-back, which isn’t always the most awe-inspiring or memorable despite his brilliant and shockingly honest lyrics. Regardless, the good songs shine pretty brightly (particularly “Drunk Drivers / Killer Whales” and “Destroyed by Hippie Powers”) and it’s certainly worthy of the high praise I’ve seen it receive this year.

#15

Look Mexico: “Uniola”

(released June 24 on Tiny Engines)

Look Mexico is what I call a “Principle Band”. This means that every time they put out a record, I’ll buy it on principle even though I’m not the biggest fan of them as a whole. They’ve always been a quality indie/math rock group, but albums as a whole just don’t grab my full attention like other similar artists’ do. Their latest still avoids my full embrace, but it’s still a pretty solid record. I’ve always loved their use of recorded speeches or dialogue to use as fodder over musical passages, which is done expertly in “My Superman Seat-Grab Barrel Roll? I’m Still Working On It” and “That Was The Flame Thrower. Use the Rockets”. Furthermore, the production on this album is dynamite, particularly on the drums and guitar effects, and it’s always fun to see what Vin Diesel quotes they use for their song titles.

#14

You Blew It!: “Abendrot”

(released November 11 on Triple Crown Records)

For the months leading up to this record’s release, every bit of press stated it would be the big change in form or style for these Florida emo kids. Rather than the heart on the sleeve emo throwback the band has become known for, the band promised the album to be darker, moodier and more mature. What that ended up meaning was that it contained a general melancholy hanging over it like a blanket thrown over a lampshade. In a lot of ways, the album feels unfinished, with some songs being nothing more than vocalist Tanner Jones and keyboard noises. What’s really puzzling is the best songs on the album, namely “Hue” and “Canary” are the YBI! of old with quality layered guitars and hooks. I still very much enjoy this release, but the massive shifts in style that were promised were poorly executed.

#13

Little Tybee: “(self-titled)”

(self released by the band and Kickstarter on June 3)

After a successful Kickstarter campaign and various versions of most of these songs floating around the internet in concerts or promotional / studio videos, Atlanta’s Little Tybee finally released their fourth, self-titled record to much appreciation. What’s most impressive about this release to me is the ample space each musician has to show off their incredible skills: Previous albums were basically vehicles to display 8-string wunderkind guitarist Josh Martin (to no complaints from me; the dude is fucking amazing), whereas all 6 Tybee-ers are given turns in the spotlight and shine brilliantly on this release, particularly drummer Pat Brooks. The album gets a bit thin and noodly at 54 minutes, and some moments or directions that songs go are either forced or odd. Also, I do love vocalist Brock Scott’s lyrics and melodies, and his more-or-less constant falsetto vocals are generally very pleasant, but there are moments where they get very grating on recordings (particularly in “More Like Jason”). Otherwise, this is varied, musically ambitious release, and brought the band a whole bunch of well-deserved attention.

#12

Animals As Leaders: “The Madness of Many”

(released on November 11 on Sumerian Records)

Fans of Animals As Leaders know what they’re getting with each of the band’s releases: A myriad of crazy guitar leads, complicated song arrangements, and killer drum rhythms. The slight curveball of this year’s release was the two mainly acoustic-lead songs that concluded the album, “The Brain Dance” and “Aperophobia”, which were fun variations. Otherwise, it’s more of the same old, sweet same old from these dudes. Probably the most “for fans only” release of the year, but those fans were pretty damn happy.

#11

Enemies: “Valuables”

(released on December 9 on Topshelf Records)

Enemies was one of the 3 bands I listened to the most in 2016. I frequently put their entire catalog on shuffle to have as background music while I worked, drove or exercised. Because of this, I was incredibly sad upon learning that this very-recently-released album would be the band’s final recording. After playing a show in their native Ireland on December 18, Enemies officially called it quits. I am also sad to admit that this is probably my least favorite album in the band’s career. It’s a bit more experimental than previous tight-knit instrumental rock-laden records; a greater emphasis is placed on electronic noises and layered vocals than the tight arrangements or brilliant riffs of previous releases. It’s clear there were some creative differences going on among the band members, which may explain why they’ve decided to put this band to rest. It’s a slightly disappointing wrap on the band’s career, but was still a welcome release and a reminder of how brilliant these gents were.

#10

Explosions in the Sky: “The Wilderness”

(released on April 1 on Temporary Residence Ltd)

I was initially very underwhelmed by this record. Explosions in the Sky have long been the standard bearers for emotional instrumental rock music, but this album seemed more subdued and reserved than any of their previous releases. However, it’s an album that grows on you through repeat plays and concentration. There’s not the soaring dynamics or swells from older records, but the arrangements and moods generated in these near-simplified songs are beautiful in a much different way. It’s definitely not the best EitS record, but anything they do is still certainly worthy of admiration.

#9

Somos: “First Day Back”

(released on February 19 on Hopeless Records)

Somos’ first record, 2014’s “Temple of Plenty”, was a near-perfect pop-punk record. Because of that, this year’s release by these Boston gentlemen was perhaps my most anticipated album of this year. They definitely lived up to that hype with more of the same contagious songwriting and hooks with a much more glossy, clean production. However, what knocks the album down a few pegs for me is the fact that there are 4 short interlude-like tracks which are not much more than vocalist Michael Fiorentino singing a half-verse over either a simple guitar part or random noise. The 4 songs kind of fit together on their own, but are otherwise forgettable and skippable when listening to the album as a whole. Still, though, this is a solid second album for a band with a hell of a bright future.

#8

Every Time I Die: “Low Teens”

(released on September 23 by Epitaph Records)

Every Time I Die is a confusing yet awesome band for me. Throughout their career, I find that I enjoy every other one of their albums. As such, because I adored 2014’s “From Parts Unknown”, I figured this release would be underwhelming, but ETID finally bucked this weird, personal trend with this brutal, brilliant album. Vocalist Keith Buckley pulled a majority of his lyrical inspiration from sitting in a hospital waiting room while his wife nearly died giving birth to their child, and that frenetic, hopeless, breakneck fear is present throughout every song (“Petal”, “1977”). When the band slows down, though, on songs like “Two Summers” and “It Remembers”, nothing is lost, which is even more impressive. All in all, it’s a welcome reminder of why these guys have been mainstays in heavy music for two decades and can’t slow down.

#7

Touche Amore: “Stage Four”

(released on September 16 on Epitaph Records)

This record was by far the hardest to rank on this list for me. This is a beautifully constructed, heartbreakingly honest, tremendously sad, and incredibly hard to listen to album. The album centers around vocalist Jeremy Bolm’s mother, who passed away after a long battle with cancer. His lyrics are his reactions to his sadness from this, the fact that he feels like he wasn’t there for her in her final days, his reconciling with having accept that his life will never be the same, and how he reconciles with why he has to rely on religion, memories and other placebos to fill the void she left in his world. Bolm has always been a particularly brilliant lyricist, and as such, his words cut immediately to the heart as he bares his sadness for all to see. Adding even more to this is his vocal style, which truly emphasizes his depression and grief with his throaty yelps and cries. However, Bolm also employs traditional vocal melodies throughout the record, which are a first for the band and somehow even more haunting and heavy than his normal delivery. Adding to all of this are the usual sublime performances by the band, who seem to dip into 90s-era rock riffs to create memorable hooks and passages, which is even more impressive considering most of the songs barely hit the 2 minute mark.

So, with all of these kind words and respect for this record, why is this ranked at 7 instead of, say, 1 or 2 for me? There are two main reasons for this. The first is that I truly dislike the album’s final song, “Skyscraper”. The band decided to feature a four minute meandering album closer with repetitive, blank lyrics, and vocals by guest vocalist Julian Baker that are, frankly, awful. It seems like an odd choice and I find myself always turning off the album before its conclusion instead of playing it in its entirety. I felt I couldn’t in good conscious rate this album above any other album I loved as a whole, which was the case for all 6 of the albums ranked ahead of this one. The second reason is a bit more personal, but still relevant: Since the album is so damn sad and taxing to the emotions, I find I’m rarely in the mood to put it on casually or repeatedly as it truly does affect my mood for the rest of the day. This is actually both a positive and negative affect; it’s stunning that a group could put something together that would always affect me so strongly, but it also works against it that it's so successfully, if that makes sense. All said, this is a gargantuan album and one that cements Touche Amore as one of my favorite artists.

#6

Into It. Over It.: “Standards”

(released on March 11 on Triple Crown Records)

I utterly, completely trust and admire Evan Weiss. I’ve admired basically every release and/or project he’s worked on, and still geek out every time I see him at shows or around Chicago. For his 3rd record under the Into It. Over It. moniker, Weiss decided to hole himself up in a cabin with drummer Joshua Sparks to devote themselves to the album writing process. They emerged with another solid emo record, but one that feels more mature and well rounded than previous releases. There are some odd production choices here and there (such as the bizarre drums in the verses in “Bible Black” and the meandering chords in the bridge in “Adult Contempt”) but other than that not a moment really feels wasted throughout. What was most surprising to me were the inclusion of 2 slower, mainly acoustic tracks right in the middle of the record (“Your Lasting Image” and “Old Lace & Ivory”), and how they didn’t take away from the mood of the record as a whole. Josh Sparks also considerable killed it throughout the record, particularly on “No EQ” and the aforementioned “Adult Contempt”. All in all, I will continue to throw my love and money at Evan Weiss until proven otherwise.

#5

Direct Hit!: “Wasted Mind”

(released on June 24 on Fat Wreck Chords)

I became extremely obsessed with two pop-punk bands from Wisconsin this year. The first, Masked Intruder, were a group whose catalog I frequently put on shuffle and who released my favorite EP of this year. The second, Direct Hit!, took a bit longer to germinate, but then seeped into my brain like a disease. Largely an album about drug taking, partying and the lack of memories, “Wasted Mind” is like the soundtrack to the most fucked-up Disney movie adaptation of “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas”. The songs are memorable and infinitely catchy, but what really stands out to me are the oddball orchestral instrumentation that the band adds to their sound, including bell and chime embellishments and saxophone solos. This album knows exactly what it is: A raucous, irrelevant celebration of the nights we can’t remember anything about except how much fun was had.

#4

TTNG: “Disappointment Island”

(released July 8 on Sargent House)

The fine gentlemen who got me into Direct Hit! (and several other amazing bands), David Tony Moore, told me earlier this year that “Wasted Mind” was his album of the year mainly because of the fact that he always found himself in the mood to have it on in the background no matter what he was doing. Rather than try to put on something random or nostalgic, DTM generally always ended up putting on the record while cooking, cleaning, etc (much to the eventual dismay of his wife Sheila) because he just always wanted to hear it. That sentiment completely applies to the latest opus from these British math rock veterans to me. This may be a bit expected as I’ve been a tad biased towards them since their formation, but it wasn’t something I was expecting at all upon hearing the album. This is by far the band’s most subdued record, with guitarist extraordinaire Tim Collis sharing the spotlight a bit with the band as a whole. Whereas their latest release, 2013’s “13.0.0.0.0” was largely a vehicle to introduce new bassist/guitarist/vocalist Henry Tremain, this record is more a combined group effort that really emphasizes Tremain’s skills as a vocalist. It’s an album that seems bright and fun at first, but rewards the listener with complex, subtle brilliance in arrangement, riffs, vocals and moods. All in all, a surprisingly infectious listen.

#3

The Hotelier: “Goodness”

(released on May 27 on Tiny Engines)

This album is like walking through the woods on a crisp summer day. You’re looking through trees as leaves crinkle beneath your feet as you come to a clearing. You scan across the meadow as you see rays of sunshine poke through the clouds and emphasize bits of grass and prairie as deer and other animals scatter away from your presence. Maybe a flower blooms, or a the sun warms you up, but you’re left with a general sense of peace and calm. Leaving behind the more schizophrenic genre-swapping of their last record, 2014’s “Home Like NoPlace is There”, The Hotelier focused solely on a gripping, stripped down emo sound and the results are extraordinary. I was sort of lukewarm on this at first, but man did it spread its roots and make itself essential to me as the year went on. Simple, earnest, heartfelt and true.

#2

Tiny Moving Parts: “Celebrate”

(released on May 20 on Triple Crown Records)

I’ve been a fan of this family band for a few years now, but have only liked songs as opposed to albums so far throughout their career. That changes exponentially with this release: This album is streamlined awesome from start to finish, and vocalist / guitarist Dylan Mathteison has created one of the better guitar albums ever in the process. His riffs are technical  (“Good Enough”, the bridge in “Headache”), creative (the delay-choked intro to “Breathe Deep”) and downright joy-inducing (“Birdhouse”) throughout, and his backing band of his cousins more than hold up their share of the load. The album clocks in at just under 35 minutes, ensuring that not a single minute is wasted. In summary, the album is perfectly titled; completely infectious, memorable and, well, celebratory.

#1

Weezer: “[self-titled (The White Album)]”

(released on April 1 on Atlantic Records)

The fact that this album came out on April Fool’s Day sort of encapsulates just how surprised I was upon hearing it. As one of the many millions of kids who discovered Weezer in junior high and still have the words (and guitar parts) to the Blue Album and “Pinkerton” memorized, I was stunned at how much of a throwback to those sounds and songs this record was considering it is well over 20 years later. Rivers Cuomo somehow sounds more mature and equally creative at the same time, as his years of songwriting have given him a sort of elder statesmen status while simultaneously he sounds simplistically approaching emotions and ideas that his life presents him. Maybe it’s the fact that this album caught me completely off guard and then lived in my head for months, or perhaps it’s because I’m immensely happy a band from my youth proved they are still one of the best bands in the world, but I can’t think of any album I’d be able to list as my album of the year.