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#what a thing to say to a supposed friend lmao

malereadermaniac · 1 day

Text

Drinking games ~ Your Crush x Male Reader

Some cute sfw shit with your 'straight' male crush who has a secret soft spot for you

The few private moments you had shared with (Y/c) were sweet, even romantic at a push if you sprinkle in some 'delusion'

The man would chat to you, seemingly remembering most details you had shared with him in previous conversations, his (e/c) eyes looking over your features gently as he throws in some jokey flirts; his charisma through the roof, his hand's in his pockets and a smirk on his face as he calls you cute or funny

Moments like those almost, just almost make you forget that (y/c) is in fact a straight man, very much heterosexual

(Y/c) is quite popular, and damn is he very different around his friends than when he's has a very rare moment alone with you

When with his friends, the (h/c) barely spares you a glance, acting all nonchalant around his friends and replying with a 'sup' after you say hi to him - his friends teasing him about his 'friendship with you'

But again, when the two of you have a brief moment alone things are different

The slightly (taller/shorter) man will subconsciously go out of his way to text you or to see you by using almost every excuse under the sun; he needs help with an assignment? Of course you'll help, he missed a lecture? You make time to tutor him!

Or so that's what you thought...

But either way, you knew that you attempts at 'flirting' and your heart rate increasing anytime you saw (Y/c) was realistically futile - the man was straight, and he barely tolerated you too

When you thought about it, the (h/c)'s friends make fun of him for talking to you, and he only really hangs out with you to get shit out of it; you two weren't actually even friends

It came as a real shock when you got a text at 6pm on a random Saturday from (Y/c) who was inviting you to a party he was hosting

Not only were you surprised that he was hosting the party but also that you were invited

"I thought you hated hosting? lmao" you reply almost instantly, good god get some self-respect bro

"I do"

"I want you there to make it more tolerable"

The way blood rushed to your face faster than ever before, my lord

"I suppose i can clear my very busy schedule for you 🙄 "

And that's how you ended up at your first ever party! Well, at least a huge house party, unlike the small functions you had gone to with friends

After being greeted with many drunk people, made nicer by the alcohol in their system, you aimed to make your way to (Y/c); that was until you got dragged away by a group of people greeting you and inviting you to drink

It was surprisingly chill, you were enjoying yourself in the kitchen as you sat on a counter-top, drink in hand as you chatted with the other people you were with - laughing and gossiping

Eventually, word made its way to (Y/c) that you had turned up, and immediately the man made his way towards his kitchen

He couldn't explain why his heart dropped when he saw you talking and laughing with other guys, but it did, and he made his way towards you with a face like stone, aiming to hide his emotions

"(Y/c)! I found youuu!" you chuckle out endearingly, clearly a little tipsy already

"Hey, was lookin' for you... Looks like you made yourself at home" The man teased, his body quite close to yours, the counter-top bringing you to his height

You mumble an 'oh shit, sorry' as you jump down from the food surface, you body pushing against (Y/c)'s as you do so

"Nah it's fine, enjoy yourself.... wanna come hangout with my friends? They're becoming unbearable" The handsome man chuckles, looking exhausted by his drunk friends

You, of course, agree and make your may towards his group of friends in the (h/c)'s living room

Even when drunk, (Y/c)'s friends teased him about having you around, but shockingly, once the (taller/shorter) man saw you expression sour, he told his mates to 'fuck off' - well that made your heart skip a couple of beats!

After hanging out with your handsome crush for an hour or so, more and more people joined the group, people drinking more and more - even (Y/c) feeling comfortable enough to drink with you around

However, a situation arose when someone suggested a game of 'spin the bottle' with a truth or dare twist...

Of course everyone agreed, the alcohol in their system making them much more excitable than usual, and if the activity didn't involve anything getting broke, (Y/c) was cool with it

After a couple of rounds of people being dared to kiss other, secrets being revealed and gross 'would you rather' questions, you were getting progressively more drunk - having opted out of back flipping off of the couch and revealing your fat crush on (Y/c) just to name a few scenarios

(Y/c) was a little worried for you, seeing how drunk you were getting was making him feel overprotective of you - but man did you also look fucking cute!

Your cheeks flushed and your eyes droopy from the liquor, leaning up against him with you warm body as you chuckle for no reason from time to time

Inevitably, the bottle had landed on you once more, causing you to sit up and give everyone a chuckle after whining loudly 'not againnnnnnn~'

But the crowd was definitely silenced when the spinner of the bottle dared you to kiss someone - specifically, some guy you were cozy-ing up with when you first arrived at (Y/c)'s

You chuckle lightly when you see the man blush, his desire for you to kiss him evident on his face - the man had been trying it on with you since you got here!

But as you struggle to get up, wobbling around from the drinking, (Y/c) had shocked everyone

You watch with a fat fuck-off blush on your face as (Y/c) stands up and grabs the bottle from the middle of the circle, downing the whole thing and saying with a nonchalant tone - 'what? he's too drunk to drink anymore'

This man just took a drink for you! HOW FUCKIN ROMANTIC IS THAT???

You hadn't noticed it, but the (h/c) man had drank a lot throughout the night, and he'd even taken that drink for you but seemed literally sober

(Y/c) must have a real high alcohol tolerance, the thought of the big, handsome man being able to handle his drink so well and even be willing to take a drink for you? You had fallen for him all over again then and there!

Some of the people in the circle boo and other hype (Y/c) up, to which he just chuckles and shakes his head as he slings an arm of yours over his shoulders and lifts you up with a hand around your waist

And after the difficult trip up three flights of stairs to the man's bedroom, he gently lays you down on his bed and brings you a bowl to throw up in

You two spend hours up in his room, talkin about many, many things - like his room being cool, you being cute drunk, him being handsome always, you feeling bad that he's missing the party, him professing that he'd rather spend his time with you, and your long conversation had ended with you professing your undying love to your two year ongoing crush

You blushed and slammed your hands against your mouth, shouting that you were dreaming and that 'this wasn't happening!', trying to trick yourself into thinking that the amused man would just forget about this in the morning

He didn't.

(Y/c) remembered every moment in vivid detail... and so did you

But what you didn't expect was for the man to in turn, the morning after, confess that he too had some affectionate, maybe even loving feelings towards you - and also that he was extremely impressed that you didn't even throw up after drinking as much as you did!

#gay #male reader #x male reader #fanfic #fluff #cute gay #your crush x reader #crush imagines #male crush #gay crush #male crush x male reader #male crush x reader #crush x male reader #mlm #male reader imagine #x m!reader #x m reader

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carmenized-onions · 3 days

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The Other Shoe | Consultation

logline; old wounds tend not to heal, if you don't let them. but, there is hot chocolate, and love. so perhaps that's enough.

[!!!] series history, this is the seventh; First, Second, Third, Fourth, Fifth, Sixth

Spotify Playlist, if you like to listen while you read. I listen to it when I write :) Constantly gettin’ added to. Finally got Hozier on here. Don't know how that took me so long.

portion; 3.1k

possible allergies; two absolutely garbage mental states of people who are NOT over Mikey or the way they've been treated. Bunch of self-loathin, the whole lot.

pairing; Carmen ‘Carmy’ Berzatto & Fem Reader (no pronouns!)

Took me a minute, new jobs goin' well though!! This one took a lot of stewing, lmao. Lot of staring and thinking. We'll talk after, but SO many alterations were made lmao.

It has been three weeks since you met Carmen in a freezer.

Six days since you were at his apartment. Ish.

Roughly forty-three weeks since the worst day of your life. Doesn’t feel like it.

In five days, you’ll have the second— Well, maybe third or fourth, worst day of your life.

But today is Monday, and you don’t know what’s coming yet.

It’s just after one in the morning, and you wake up to a phone call. Carmy. Yes, do not disturb was on. Yes, you’d set him on priority access— Which most people would find very cute and intimate, and it is— But he’s not the only one. It’s not a limited feature for people you want to kiss. There’s Syd, Richie, …Mikey…

Cause when is the right time to delete a dead friend’s contact info? It’s not right now. You know it’s not right now. And it probably won’t be tomorrow, either.

Phone call. You’re getting a phone call.

“Carm?”

“…”

You stir a little, bit, when there’s no reply, brain dehazing. “Carmy? Everything okay?”

You hear the beep of the phone call being ended. No way he butt-dialed you, right? You’re awake. You’re so awake. This feels all too familiar, and that's not a good thing. You immediately open your phone to text him, by the time you get to his contact, he’s already texted you. Actively texting you, in a rapid, manic succession.

‘fuck’

‘sorry’

‘you were supposed to be asleep’

Hm.

‘talking to a person hard right now?’

‘yes’

‘you’re so smart.’

‘easier to talk to robot you.’

‘wowwww’

It’s hard to write funny, right now. It’s hard to act like yourself, right now. You’re not sure how you’re doing it.

‘not what I meant’

‘I know. You’re you.’

‘you wanna send a voice message maybe?’

‘it’s fine. I’ll text.’

You give him time, you expect a paragraph since he’s taking so long, but instead you get,

‘can’t.’

‘carmen.’

‘I like you so much.’ Oh be still your stupid heart.

‘feeling is mutual.’

‘I can’t make my problems the only reason I talk to you’

Is that true? Fuck, that's kind of true, isn't it? But there's the puzzles! And there's been phone calls!

‘You talk to me for other reasons’

‘yeah. But it’s mostly problems’

‘with me.’

‘eh. Not really. Walk-in was you, toilet was Mikey, Nat had a baby, I’d consider the oven a shared problem of you and Syd’

‘oven was my fault’

He types for even longer this time. It’s hard not to interrupt him. When you start to type, he sends.

‘can I come over?’

‘I know it’s late’

‘I’ll come pick you up.’

‘no’

‘I’ll walk. I’ll be there in 20.’

‘it’s not a problem to pick you up.’ It's a problem if he doesn't let you pick him up.

‘I know.’

‘promise I just wanna walk. Get air.’

God, why are your fucking hands shaking he just wants to walk. He just wants to walk. Why can’t you bring yourself to believe people when they say that anymore?

Everything’s normal. It’s been a good six days for Carm, you know that it’s been a good six days. Everything's normal. You’ve kept a puzzle streak every morning, you’ve called him some nights, he’s called you some nights. He’s had a good week. He told you so. Everything's normal. You’ve vaguely flirted in that extremely sexual yet completely nonsensical way new situationships do, via text. People don’t do that when they’re on the brink of death, right? Everything's normal. Stop playing with your pendant. Relax. Put a shirt on. Stop being so fucking paranoid. Stop typing—!

‘can you do me a favour’

‘anything’

‘can you turn your location on for me’

‘not to be invasive. You can turn it off when you get here, I—’

Before you can even finish typing your explanation, let alone send it, he sends his location, trackable. He’s already walking.

‘be there in 18.’

You watch, with bated breath, his little contact photo bubble marching across Chicago to you. You make yourself mildly presentable and make hot chocolate on the stove—Gotta use milk, for Carmen— For when he comes to you, out of the cold. Because he’s going to come to you. He’s gonna be here. He’s gonna be here. You know that because you’ve been keeping your phone screen open and only look away to ensure you don’t pour milk on your stovetop and to blink.

He's here in eighteen minutes. You think if you had a stop watch going on, it’d be down to the millisecond. You open the door for him, before he can even knock. You watched his bubble walk up to your door. No point in waiting. You need to see him.

He’s breathing heavy. Held tight in his fist is a bundle of flowers— Importantly, not a bouquet, a bundle of flowers—Like, roots still on a few, visibly yanked out of the ground. Though seemingly from different gardens, since there's quite a variety. He looks at you, then down at the flowers, then back to you.

“I— I stole these.”

“Had a feeling.” You wave your hand for him to come inside, he does. “Are you okay?”

His steps falter, he seems downtrodden. You take the flowers, and then take his hand. He hesitates to speak, but he’s really trying to say fucking something. You squeeze his hand, it seems to help.

“I—” He swallows the spit caught in his throat. “I didn’t know— I— No. No, I did know— I knew the one place I had to come was, here. Had to go somewhere.”

You nod, you look over him. Silently doing a wellness check. You’re panicked. You’re so panicked. But he can’t know that. This is about him. You’re the one that takes care of people. He’s clean. He smells like Old Spice and you. He’s a little cold from the walk, he didn’t wear a jacket, but he’s warming up fast. He looks tired but not exhausted, which, for Carmy, is kind of as good as you’re going to get. He didn’t have the energy for a phone call, but he had the energy to come over and talk to your face; his social battery is wonky, but that’ll fix with time here. Is he hungry? That’s hard to tell on looks alone.

“You wanna talk about it, Bear?”

He nods, head down. Can’t look at you. You gently pull at his hand for him to follow you into the kitchen. “Made hot chocolate. You a marshmallow or whipped cream guy?”

His eyes are glassy, and his mood itself doesn’t change, but he does swiftly lift his head up to look at you with an incredulous, curious half smile. “You don’t do both?”

“I find it gets a lil’ busy. But I like the tiny marshmallows that come with the mix with whipped cream—”

“You gotta do actual cocoa.”

You roll your eyes. “I don’t like my hot chocolate to actually be rich. I want sweet.”

“You’re breaking my heart.”

“Good thing I’m a repairman, then.” You deadpan. He does actually seem to glow a little bit, at that. You repeat, hand full of flowers resting on your hip. “So both?”

“Both.”

He calms you down so easily, even when really, he was the oncoming stress— Or rather, your perceptions. He clears static for you, without effort. You nod, letting go of his hand— Slowly, withdrawing, like a silent promise that you will be back. You grab a paper towel and wrap the flowers in them, setting them down on the counter. You’ll plant them later. Honestly, kind of a better gift for you and your green thumb than a bouquet would be.

You turn to your oven to stir the pot of hot chocolate— Can’t have any fuckin’ clumps for Mr Michelin over here. Speaking of Michelin, he sidles up behind you and puts his head on your shoulder, hands hovering as if he’s going to hug your waist but simply cannot bring himself to.

He mumbles into your shoulder. “I lit my oven on fire.”

Ah. The oven was his fault. That's what he meant. When you pause and try to turn, that’s when he hugs you, holding you in place. “Please don’t look ‘t me.”

You take a deep breath, and continue to stir the pot. “Okay. I’m listening, not looking.”

“I did— I did it in my sleep. Not the first time. I think, I think they’re night terrors? But I don’t, don’t scream or nothin’— I don’t say shit actually. I don’t think.”

God, he’s insecure, even now, about how crazy you’ll think he is. Like telling your therapist everything that’s wrong with you except for the stuff that they might hospitalize you for. God, does he treat you like a fucking therapist? He’s awful. He’s awful for you. He’s awful for anyone. It doesn’t matter that you’re different— The common denominator is him. He’s a fucking piece of shit—

“I wake up screaming sometimes.” You reply, so softly. You feel his short nails dig into your sides just slightly for a second as he remembers where he is. He’s over your shoulder. No one’s over his. “Happens to the worst of us.”

You grab two mugs from the cupboard— Reaching with the arm he’s not leaning on. “Did you put it out or should I be calling my former C-F-D crew?”

“I put it out.” He notes your mugs. They’re mismatching. One is definitely handmade with messy floral patterns, the other a tourist trap Chicago mug. They’re perfect. “I—I was cooking something, in my sleep— And then— Then the fire starts.”

You ladle the hot chocolate into the mugs— Usually you’d just pour it straight but you don’t want Carmen to watch you inevitably spill half of it on your counters. You nod, “Do you dream that you’re cooking?”

“K-Kinda? I’m not cooking, I’m the Head, the expediter— And, and my Exec is over my fucking shoulder and he’s— Just in my head.” He swallows, thinking of how to explain without explaining. “And then I wake up, and there’s a fire, and I watch it grow, and I think about what it would mean if I just let it, and how I’d want it to.”

“And then you put it out?”

“And then I put it out.”

“Do you wish you didn’t?”

“I don’t know. And it’s fucking with me. ‘Cause— ‘Cause things are really good right now.” You tense under him, and he knows it’s because you don’t believe him. “They are, they really really are. Sug bein’ away is… not easy, but, it’s, it’s okay—”

“Carm.” Your tone is so accusatory.

“It’s the same nightmare it used to be.” He doesn’t hesitate to correct as soon as you question it. He cannot lie to you. For one, you see right through him. For two, it’s you. You’d rather know he’s insane. For some reason. “It’s been hard. I— I know fuck all, about business, and, and we can’t afford to hire a fuckin’ replacement right now because we owe so much fucking money or the whole thing caves— But it’s— It’s been good.”

You grab a handful of mini marshmallows, splitting them between the two mugs. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” He nods into your shoulder. “Everyone is… happy, right now. It’s not always fuckin’ breezy but— Everyone’s, everyone’s okay. And I have somethin’ I can actually be proud of, right now. And I have— I — You’re around. N’ that, that has been good. For everyone.”

You hum. Heart full, at that. You awkwardly shift to your fridge, waddling like a penguin instead of turning, as not to disturb Carmen, he chuckles against your shoulder. “You can tell me to fuck off, y’know.”

“Yeah, but I don’t want you to.” You hug his arm to you. This makes him squeeze just a little tighter. You pull out a half-empty can of Reddi-Wip, shaking it violently, as instructed. “Say when.”

You hover the can over the tourist mug, he shakes his head. “Other one.”

He wants the handmade one. Your fingerprints are grooved into the handle. You ignore how insane this makes you feel, and spray whipped cream into the handmade mug. You’re waiting for him to say when.

It’s getting to a concerningly tall pile, at this point. You feel him swallow. He finally says the quiet thought out loud.

“I think I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. Even in my sleep, I know it’s coming.”

You nod, you stop spraying. You think on it for a beat. You opt to be honest. “I am, too.” You nod. “I am, too.”

“What’d’you think it’s gonna be?”

You feel your neck flare red and hot, guilty. Horrifically guilty. Lifesaver. You spray whipped cream into your own mug. You don’t really want both whipped cream and marshmallows, but it’s a good way to disguise how shaky your hands are. You take a deep breath.

“Think you’re gonna realize I’m not as good as you think I am.”

He kind of, tugs at you, pulling you closer to him, as if to rebuke thee. “You’re very good, Tony.”

You just hum in reply, once again, the pile of whip cream grows— It sputters, and basically nothing is coming out, but you can’t bring yourself to move, so it continues to struggle. He lets you do this, for a moment, before softly, questioningly speaking your name.

You just hum, again. Everything’s fine. Everything’s normal. This isn’t even about you, this is about him. “I’m good.”

“You are.” He declares, like it’s law. He grabs the empty can from you hand and puts it on the counter, then turns you around to face him. You keep your head down, there’s every chance you throw up and die if you— “Look at me.”

“I know—” He does not give you the chance to excuse yourself, he grabs your chin, softly, but still, forces you to look at him.

“You’re very good.” Too much eye contact. Too close. Too sincere. Too much— “Too good, too good for anyone.”

Too good for him. You, of course, don’t think that. But that’s exactly why you’re too good. “I’m not gonna change my mind ‘bout that.”

“…Hope so.”

Carmen can see it, now. The way your jaw clenches, how you’re looking past him, not at him. The way you mirror how he imagines he looked in the walk-in, to you. He decides to take a page out of your book, and hugs you close. “Know so.”

Your chin hooks over his shoulder. You stare down the hall of your apartment, brain somewhere else. He stares over your shoulder at the hot chocolates, whipped cream slowly melting and overflowing onto the counters.

“You wanna talk about it?” He asks, and you can’t help but smile at the ridiculousness of it.

“I—It’s not—This about you, not me—”

“It’s both. It can be both.” The shared burden.

You sigh, putting your arms around his shoulders. “…I’ll talk about it eventually, I promise. Just not… Ready—Right now.” You’re not ready to risk him no longer liking you. You need a little more time to be selfishly avoidant. “Eventually, though.”

He nods. He gets it. He does it.

“How do you think the other shoe’s gonna drop? If it does?”

This was the exact question he didn’t want, but you answered it, kind of, and that means he has to answer it, kind of. He relaxes his hold on you. “Think you’re gonna see me when I’m— When I’m not me— When I’m— I’m like, like my fuckin’ family.”

When he’s angry. When he yells. When he’s mean. When his crises don’t take the form of hibernation. When he’s frightening.

“Think once you realize, you’ll leave, and it’ll all leave with you.”

When he said that everyone’s happy at The Bear, he knows it’s because you’re back in the atmosphere. You bring a lightness that he never could, that he always envied in his brother. He honestly needs to break something at The Bear to get you to come in soon, because it’s been two weeks since you made everyone coffee, and your presence is only finally starting to wain in power. He really needs to start paying himself so you can get on bar.

“I don’t love being yelled at, certainly.”

You know what acting like his family means. Mikey used to do it. When things got bad. And while you got better and better at being understanding, still never managed to keep yourself from tearing up. “But it’s nothing that would make me leave. Nothing that’s not worth it.”

Jesus Christ. Jesus fucking Christ. His bad side, his anger, his violence, his teeth, the parts of his functionality that he hates, you consider worth dealing with, for the sake of the rest of him.

It reminds him, of a question that’s been on his mind for a while now. His chin digs into your shoulder, a little bit. He swallows.

“Do you really not think taking care of people is a lot of work?”

You frown, thinking about it. It is a lot of work. It’s exhausting work, rotten work, to take care of people.

“It is a lot of work.” You tilt your head, kiss his clothed shoulder. “But it’s just pure instinct, to do. “I care therefore I care, or somethin’.”

“What a poet.”

“Fuck off.”

You both laugh; then comfortable silence. He’s the first to break it. “You’re good.”

“We’re both good.” You pull back to look at him. Nothing has truly been resolved, and yet he looks more at peace. Thank, God. You’re doing a good job. You’re not failing again. “You wanna go drink these barely warm hot chocolates in my bed and pass out?”

“Please.”

Carmen never turns off his location, and he never will. He doesn't ask why you want it. He takes advantage of the whipped cream on your nose and the severe lack of napkins in your bedroom when he can. He replaces the Cubs jersey wearing bear in your arms, that night. He hopes he will forever, he's pretty sure he won't.

In five days, this Friday will be the worst Friday of your lives.

But neither of you know that yet. The painting is still not finished, he hasn’t yelled at anyone around you yet, Carmen still doesn’t know about the necklace you’ve tucked under your shirt every day for the past year.

The other shoe still hangs in the air; but not in your bed.

You pray it’s fall will not wake the bear.

FUCK bro.

It was tough writing in a way that was coherently incoherent. Like, neither of these two want to talk about their problems, so they are vague, but I know what the fuck is going on-- And hopefully you kindddaaa get what's going on?? There's still a little mystery I'm holding on for myself, hehehe. I'm very curious if anyone has theories by now tbh. What's this hidden part of Tony's life!!! They're usually so open!!! So what's this shit!!!

I cut out like a WHOLE 300 words of them doin' a smooch because it just made no fuckin' sense. They're both in emotional hell, couldn't force it, even if I wanted it. But there was the cuddlin' and nose kissin' in bed. So I think that's a good caveat.

But the most insane part of this chapter for me, and you'll see later, THIS chapter and the next,,,,, 3 chapters? Were all gonna be ONE. I know. Nuts. I was essentially gonna format it like all snippets of this one week, because as we know, Fridays gonna be the worst friday! But I realized like a quarter way through writing this one, that it simply couldn't just be a snippet. It needed to breath as it's own full thing. As did the next 3 chaps. I think they'll be a lot more digestable this way and also it won't force me to hole away for a fuckin month writing it without giving you a single morsel of content.

Anyways, tell me what the fuck you THOUGHT!! I'm excited to hear thoughts, hopefully all good ones~~~

#carmen berzatto #carmen berzatto imagine #carmen berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto x you #carmen x reader #carmy berzatto #carmy x reader #carmen berzatto x female reader #carmen berzatto x oc #carmy the bear #the bear hulu #the bear fanfiction #the bear fx #the bear x reader #the bear

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batmanisagatewaydrug · 6 hours

Note

hi. I heard you answer questions about sex ed and I can't ask anyone this irl since none of my friends talk about any sex that isn't super cishet and allo.

I'm kind of worried I'm asexual and of course I'm ok with other people doing whatever they want with their lives and not having sex whenever and however they want, but I really don't want to not have sex. Except that whenever I think about having sex with a person I'm instantly disinterested. like even fantasizing about myself having sex in a nonspecific disembodied way turns me off.

I worried for a while that it was because I was scared of my body (like a vagina-fear/dysphoria sort of thing, which was probably true) or just didn't have any sex drive, so to figure it out I started trying to masturbate when I was sixteen (my parents tracked my search history on my phone so I actually had to go to the library and find a sex ed book in the adult section and hide the cover with my jacket while I read it just to memorize the diagrams so I could figure out where the hell the clitoris was lmao) and I did like it and was capable of feeling good and orgasming and whatever. but even after I knew that it felt good and I do have a sex drive I'm still not interested in having sex with other people (I'm eighteen now for context, so its been a while). I can't think of one person I would ever even theoretically want to have sex with, including people I know, famous hot people, fictional characters, nothing. I don't want to be asexual but I feel like I have to be because I don't want to have sex with anyone. How can I be asexual if I don't want to be, or am I even asexual? what if I just have high standards, or I haven't met someone I really like yet? what if I am ace and I'm just being ace-phobic because I've internalized the cultural norms that 'sex equals humanity'? I keep having this mental loop where I think about possibly being asexual then I conclude that I'm definitely not asexual then I start thinking about it again. I know I'm supposed to define my own identity, but if I think I'm allo but all of my feelings are the types of feelings everyone says is ace, then what am I?

obviously you're not the mind-reading wizard rabbi of the internet so you can't divine my sexuality from an ask, but do you at least have any advice for figuring it out?

thanks for listening, sorry for the tmi

hi anon,

let's take a big deep breath and calm down a little, okay? it seems like you're overthinking yourself to bastard death and that's not going to help anything at all.

listen, man: the only thing that makes someone asexual is if they decide that's something they want to call themselves. like it's literally just a word to use or not use, and it sounds like you really don't want to use it. labels are meant to be helpful in letting people express something about themselves, so if a label doesn't spark joy, don't use it. simple as that. not wanting to call yourself asexual is no more phobic than me not calling myself a lesbian - I don't have a problem with lesbians, I just personally don't happen to be one.

it sounds like the main thing getting you down here is that you're 18 and like jacking off but haven't ever super wanted to have sex with someone, which is, like, oh man that's so normal. some people just don't have a very high sex drive as it pertains to other people, dude. you've likely only met an extremely small portion of the people you're going to meet in your entire life, and you're going to have feelings and relationships and experiences you can't even begin to imagine with all the people you're yet to meet.

in the meantime, let's channel all of the energy you're spending worrying about being asexual into something that will actually make your life cooler and more fun. might I recommend reading a nice book or perhaps doing some manner of art?

#sex edventures 2024

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zukosdualdao · 5 hours

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you know what puzzles me about atla twitter.. seeing the “katara hates zuko” take bc where? by the end of s3 and post-canon/comics/LOK/etc, they are long term close friends??????

yeah, it’s just people who hate the ship and therefore choose to act either like the reconciliation between them didn’t happen or was meaningless/disingenuous. which, i don’t know if they realize how insulting that is to katara? forgiving zuko was an act of her own agency, because she wanted to. and i don’t see her as someone who would ever really pretend to be friends with someone. for as kind as she is, if she hates you, you’ll fucking know it lmao.

i will say, though these people would probably say these things anyway, it doesn’t help that bryke quite vocally resent the ship. they barely interact in the comics, they don’t interact at all in lok (even in situations where it’s really weird for them to not. i haven’t watched but i’ve heard that katara wasn’t at her own granddaughter’s airbending ceremony when zuko was???? which really makes it seem like they just Could Not have them in the same room.) like, the gaang is supposed to be lifelong friends canonically, but we don’t SEE it, and with zutara in particular it feels intentional.

like i said, the antis definitely would have said these things anyway, but it doesn’t help that bryke has been so obvious about their resentment of zutara being such a popular ship, because it means that the antis can point to them sayinh zutara is unhealthy or whatever and feel validated and reasonable.

#anti bryke #zutara #asks #anonymous #anti anti zutara #atla comics critical #lok critical #just in case #discourse

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master-of-the-railway · 2 months

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Sue me for this if you wish but I think Big World Big Adventures: The Movie wasn't actually as bad as everyone says it is and it's high time we gave it the appreciation it deserves, like it's a bit too overhated in my opinion. Maybe it's just my inability to be overly mean and aggressive abt pieces of media that line up with comfort interests but I genuinely don't get the hate towards the BWBA movie....like nothing was bad abt it in my own opinion? The songs were fire all the way through, the visuals are very pretty (the LIGHTING!!!), and I mean like Nia is there and how can you possibly hate anything that features Nia she CARRIES that movie so hard. I've seen some ppl say the movements are too much but like...it makes the engines far more expressive and I highly prefer them having a bit more movement to being entirely stiff because being stiff restricts their expressiveness even more, and tbh realism was left behind the second the cgi series made its debut (Ex: D51s were first produced in 1936 and yet Hiro was somehow the first engine on the island of Sodor) so I don't really look for realism too hard when it comes to TTTE because I mean...the trains talk and are fully sentient, and that's already grounds enough for me suspend my disbelief a TON.

Maybe it is just my Nia bias (AND YONG BAO IS THERE AT ONE POINT!!! Absolutely love him.) but I think BWBA is pretty good, it's one of my favorite TTTE movies. It's just really whack that half the fandom seems to hate or at least mildly dislike this movie, which was a huge shocker to me because I was happy stimming the ENTIRE time on my first watch. It was fun and colorful and expressive and thinking about how it introduced so many international machines to the lineup...like I physically cannot hate a movie that caters to my favorite thing EVER in shows with sentient machines (seeing the machines from other countries). I don't mind the fact that ppl dislike it at all (bc everyone's entitled to their own opinions and all that jazz) but it's more just I can't really find any negatives about it, the only character introduced in it that I dislike is the one they (assumedly) want you to dislike and even then I gotta admit his song slaps. To each their own in the end, I suppose, but the point I'm trying to make is that I think we gotta be at least a LITTLE bit nicer abt this movie. (And if anyone interacts w/ this post, please don't like. Start fights on it or anything. This post isn't mean to spark any discourse or aggression, it's just my personal thoughts that I'm sharing with the fandom because so far all of you that I've met are EXTREMELY kind and understanding and so I trust you all to be normal abt it.)

#ttte #thomas and friends #thomas & friends #Hero of The Rails is my favorite TTTE movie of all time tho :)#always will be #but yeah everytime I've seen someone talk abt this film they rarely say positive things which is just fine y'know-#-it's not like I'm mortally wounded over the fact that ppl don't like it #I just find myself unable to see what could possibly be so bad about it #but that's kind of just a me problem I suppose lmao

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sonknuxadow · 1 year

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Ya the Sonelise 'romance' felt really dry in 06. As a kid I always saw it as platonic aside from the smooch scene (which was more like magical CPR than anything else)

yeah the very very few moments that do actually read as explicitly romantic just seem out of place because of how Not Romantic most of their other interactions felt. like if you wiped my brain of all knowledge of sonic 06 (not the entire franchise Just sonic 06) and i went and played it rn id probably be genuinely shocked by elise kissing sonic. both because of how out of nowhere it feels and also because a realistic human girl kissing a dead cartoon hedgehog is just weird as hell to watch

and im not saying this in a "oh i wish it was more obvious" kind of way im saying it in a "they shouldnt have tried to say they were in love at all" sort of way. and i dont think sonic should have a canon love interest anyway regardless of how i feel about sonic and elise specifically

#the thing is sonic is the type of guy whos super friendly and helpful to everyone around him #nothing he really does or says with elise feels like something he wouldnt do with a friend who hes Not in love with. if that makes sense #like maybe if sonic was replaced by some other character with a different personality id see the romance #but with sonic and keeping in mind his personality and how hes interacted with other characters before i just cant #and im not saying their relationship was meaningless they clearly meant a lot to eachother #and i find a lot of their interactions really cute when viewing them through the lens of them being friends with no romance involved #but they just dont feel like theyre supposed to be in love until elise suddenly starts kissing sonic in that one scene like HELLO #well thats how i feel anyway. like i said in the post that prompted this maybe im biased #because i dont really like romance being a thing in sonic. well im not completely anti romance but im very very picky about it #and sonic and elise does not fit my idea of what romance should be allowed to happen in sonic lmao #asks

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trashlie · 1 year

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okay so i’m finally working on a post that i’ve promised for... weeks lmao that i would! BUT! it brought up something i’ve been DYING to talk about - for the life of me I can’t remember if I’ve ever brought this up but

when Shinae is teasing Alyssa very early in their friendship, she says it’s a thing kids their age do with their friends. Alyssa’s response has a weird emphasis on our age and I keep meaning to bring it up but it’s gotten lost in all my other tangents but

It has absolutely struck me very strange - not since the first time I read it, I don’t know if I really took notice of it then - but every time i re-read this flashback arc I’m reminded of this. Is Alyssa not the same age as Shinae? Is she, possibly, even younger, given her advanced education? When I was in middle school, sixth grade to be precise, a girl joined our school who was ~2 years younger than most of my classmates, because she, too, had been homeschooled and was very advanced for her age. (We were best friends for years, so I got to hear about her her parents and the school were worried that she might struggle to fit in/make friends, because she was younger and considered more “immature” than other kids)

I don’t think this is necessarily hugely important because we all develop at difference ages and Alyssa clearly shows a lot of maturity in some ways - but when it comes to socialization she’s definitely behind. Not a surprise, given that she hasn’t really had friends her own age, hasn’t had the the social experiences that other kids have. But could she possibly be younger and that’s part of what also gives her trouble with not fitting in? Shinae has developed the tough skin due to her own experiences but - and look I never took childhood development courses - I wonder what childhood cognitive development might play into this?

Of course, prior in this same episode, Alyssa herself says she begged her parents to let her come to public school “so I could make friends my own age” so maybe the emphasis on our later is just that she’s never really been part of a group, so the concept of us, we, our collective anything is new to her? But idk it just seems like a curious thing to emphasize, doesn’t it?

#I Love Yoo #ILY Brainrot #Alyssa Cho #I cannot tell you how many times I've thought about this but i never end up going anywhere with it lol #because i can't tell if it's something that's emphasized but means nothing or if i'm supposed to be eyeing it lol #if she hadn't said she came to school to make friends with kids her own age i might feel more confident #(altho when people say 'my own age' it does often encompass a few years)#maybe it really is just the emphasis on being part of something of having a friend her own age like she's wanted?#anyway i'm throwing this out there in case anything ever comes of it afjkkafjakfjaf lmao #if not then welp it's just yet another thing i have overthought what's new haha

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