Every Film I Watch In 2023:

149. Haunting Of The Queen Mary (2023)

.

Jane B. par Agnès V. (1988) dir. Agnès Varda

Tony: who would you say is the most innocent out of us?

Harley: Peter.

Tony: really? Not Capsicle?

Steve: Come on, Tony! It was one time!

Harley: watch this. Hey Peter! What's first base?

Peter: hand holding

Harley: and second base?

Peter: running your hand through their hair

Harley: and third base?

Peter: them seeing you have a panic attack

Tony: yeah, okay, this kid is too innocent for his own good

Clint: I'm gonna tell him

Tony: *repulsers on his hands* DON'T YOU DARE!

Mortal Kombat 1 Behind the Scenes AU: Since when you two are friends?!

[Cage’s Mansion] [Waiting for Liu Kang] [Special Bonus] [Grandmaster’s commentary] [Climbing scene] [Madam Bo’s Inn] [Cage’s Mansion 2 (fire extinguisher)] [Medic] [Shang Tsung’s sad face] [Smoke’s Fall] [Scenography (1)] [Scenography (2)] [Show off!] [Favorite brother] [Climbing on the wall (nonsense)] [Tomas’ commentary] [Perfectly fine] [Sexy, sexy man~♪] [Brothers between filming - Scenography(3)] [Wrong team!]

“Eve works for the council, Sergeant. Quite the lady in the know.”

“Oh, I am not.”

“Nonsense. I’m sure if we bashed your head in, all sorts of secrets would come tumbling out.”

Timothy Dalton as Simon Skinner

in Hot Fuzz (2007), dir. Edgar Wright

Any fans of the Thunder God here?

Napoleon 2023, Review

I saw this with @idefilarate, and it was such a train-wreck. There was so much wrong with it, in the funniest way imaginable. We spent the entire film whispering what was wrong to each other.

This will be a long post, and I’m aware a lot of other people have already made some excellent points on here.

I can see what Ridley Scott was attempting with this film, and there are several reasons it didn’t work. I also have some historical specific points to make.

Directing Choices, Acting Problems, and the English Propaganda

It can be argued that Scott was trying to show Napoleon in a “more human” light, and I am always perfectly happy with that interpretation. It could also be argued he was deliberately showing Napoleon in a negative light, which I am also fine with. However, this film didn’t really do either. Napoleon did not seem more human for his brutish behaviour to Josephine, the childish tantrums or the forced jokes. If Scott had wanted a proper negative light, he would have focused on Napoleon’s ruthlessness, such as with the Massacre in Egypt, and his willingness to bypass the laws.

The overall sense I got when watching the film was that it was too compressed. The action went from point to point without showing how on Earth it got there. We had about ten minutes of Napoleon as consul, and then he was unexpectedly emperor, with a token line from Talleyrand about becoming emperor. Too much stuff in not enough time. However, I was also bored. By the time it got to Napoleon on Elba, I half felt like taking out my phone and doing something else. There was no narrative arc to keep the load of action in place, and the characters went through no real development.

There was some good acting. The lady playing Letizia Bonaparte was excellent, for the ten minutes we saw of her, as was Talleyrand. There were even a few scenes with the main characters (like Josephine cooing over the baby) that I actively enjoyed. But for the main part, every character had one mode and that was it. Napoleon was sulky and incompetently panicked. Josephine was moody or upset in a coquettish way. Tzar Alexis I was obnoxiously cheerful about everything.

I can see, as others have pointed out, that Scott was following English propaganda of the “Corsican Ogre”. However, he payed no attention to the fact that Wellington had a good deal of respect for Napoleon as a general, and that part of Napoleon’s charm for the English press was just how astonishingly unexpected he was. This wasn’t a caricature of Napoleon. This was a caricature of a caricature.

Historical Inaccuracies

Oh. Where to start with the many many many things that were wrong with this. I am fairly lenient when it comes to historical accuracy in fiction. Authors and filmmakers are allowed some artistic liberties, otherwise they wouldn’t be writing fiction. However, the sheer amount of nonsense Scott made up is incredible. I am going to list it in bullet-points, so as not to rant too much:

The age gap between Josephine and Napoleon, and how that messed up their relationship.

The utter butchery of FRev, including Marie Antoinette executed in 1789, and Robespierre looking like Danton and spouting random nonsense.

Hot-shot destroying the ships in Toulon harbour, whilst N hadn’t finished capturing little Gibraltar.

Josephine’s dress hanging off her shoulder as if she were a whore.

The lake battle with “the high ground”. It doesn’t deserve the name of Austerlitz.

The lack of tactics in any of the battles. Just men running at each other.

Josephine and Napoleon’s relationship being at best toxic and strained.

Napoleon returned from Elba because Josephine had a fling with Alexander, despite the fact Josephine had historically died earlier that year.

Letizia making Napoleon cheat randomly.

The scopes at Waterloo, the lack of farmhouses, the tents just behind the lines.

Wellington being clumsy and talking too much nonsense.

The use of Ça Ira and the Camagnole (which was in itself somewhat good), but the utter lack of any of the other excellent Napoleonic folk songs and military marches.

That is all that immediately comes to mind. Having said all that, I did enjoy the cinematography, and it was worth seeing, just to confirm my suspicions that it was a mess, and that there are many better films. Hopefully you’ve enjoyed this rant! Let me know if there’s anything I’ve missed off the list of failings.

they could never EVER neverrrrrr ever ever do this even ryan condal would never cede such an “iconic” setpiece & “memorable” dialogue and even if he wanted to HBO simply would not allow it but in my minds eye ideal hotd adaptation of the battle of the gods eye completely discards EVERYTHING supposedly recounted/editorialized in fire and blood no anime dialogue no ultra choreographed fight scene no cinematic beautiful shots of the dragons dancing no leaping from dragon to dragon its actually like incredibly fast and loud and incomprehensible to the audience just beasts colliding and ripping each other apart dirt and blood and horrific and disgusting and ultimately super SUPER pathetic ❤️ daemon and aemond dont get to make any epic last stands theres no glorious blaze out, no chilling last words, no grand narrative, in the end it really is just two men thudding to the bottom of a lake and getting eaten by fish. make the craziest climax in the world an anticlimax. ultimate antimoment

,,, little lemmings in line...

So I watched the teaser for Red and I have lots of questions:

Why Cinderella’s hair and Chloe’s hair blue?

Isn’t the actress for Chloe half white?

Why there’s a Merlin Academy hall of fame in Auradon?

Why Queen of hearts have a beef with Cinderella? Isn’t that supposed to be Lady Tremaine?

Why Uma is principal?

Why didn’t they change Beast’s statue to Ben’s?

Isn’t Wonderland an imagination in Alice’s head?

Why the Villains are considered VKs?

Why the heroes are in school with the villains? Especially Jasmine, Aladdin and Cinderella?

What’s going on with this?💀

Answering in order here:

*Honestly no fucking clue- I assume its because they want their main characters to have colorful hair like the prior main characters in Descendants 1-3, but even their hair looked better then Cinderella's, both young and old, and Chloe's blue hair. I really don't get why they were allergic to just, letting Brandy and Malia keep their normal hair instead of shoving ugly blue wigs onto them, but... *I do not know about Malia Baker's ethncitiy, I just know with the ugly blue wig and the lighting on that photo shoot, she looks light- not as light as Audrey did at times in D3 with her blonde hair, but you know, its up there. I do know Descendants fucked up when announcing this whole film, aka implying Dara Renee was casted as Chloe, but nope, turns out Dara is playing Ulyana, Ursula's latest younger sister, and Malia Baker is playing Chloe...so don't know what the fuck happened with Descendants there but....and if Malia is half-white...yeah I guess I wouldn't be surprised with Descendants and their track record with POC....or actually Hollywood in general, sufferer of Fate the Winx Saga here... *I can only assume its because Auradon Prep took Merlin Academy's place when Beast established it and such. How it affects what Ben said in D1: "Auradon prep, originally built over 300 years ago and converted into a high school by my father when he became king." can only be described as contunity/timeline breaking....aka Descendants favorite past time- but because of this, I just guess they count Merlin Academy students as ones to honor, since they learnt here once as well. *I have zero fucking clue WHY Cinderella and Queen Of Hearts have beef beyond someone in the Descendants writing room likely threw darts randomly and whoever they landed on would be parents of main characters and also have random as fuck beef- though bold to assume they'd allow Tremaine and Cinderella to have beef, D3 basically at the end was pro-forcing victims to forgive their abusers so like...

*Uma's teaser established that she was asked by Mal (no D*ve means get used to Descendants finding ways to mention Mal in this film) to become principle of Auradon Prep, so uh, that's why- no clue where Fairy Godmother is but she is confirmed to be returning in the movie so like- personally, I don't think Uma as principle makes sense character wise, but I do also see the reasoning other's have used for this character decision so like...its not the worst thing in this film. *I'm pretty sure the statue is less of a current ruler thing and more of a founder thing, since Ben said his father wanted it to remind people anything is possible when Beast founded Auradon Prep. I also don't really see Ben caring much for a statue of himself, since he doesn't give me the vibes of that. Plus, bold of you to assume Descendants films would give Ben a statue, they'd give Mal one over him with how Ben was treated in D3 in comparison to Ben, the actual ruler, during the meeting scene. *In terms of the animated film only? The vibes are that yes, Alice imagined Wonderland after dozing off, since she wakes up back in reality just as shit is hitting the fan. But let's be real, Descendants stopped caring about keeping to the animated films a while back, so they just gonna make Wonderland a real place and roll with it basically. *Answering those two together really on the VKs thing and the school thing: because Descendants is now entering EAH/SFGAE rip off terrority really, aka the idea of future fairy tale heroes and villains attending school together basically. Therefore, all animated films stuff and Descendants contunity/timeline is thrown out the window in favor of this. Like Jasmine and Aladdin logically should not be meeting at this point because they meet first time in animated and Jasmine was kept inside the palace her whole life?? Cinderella at this age would technically be being forced to be step-family's servant and therefore not likely allowed to attend school even? FUCK IT- rip off time! Not like EAH can do much since Mattel basically killed it in the end and SFGAE is doing god knows what right now...

And to that last question: "What's going on with this? 💀" Good question! I do not fucking know. I just know I wish someone would put the dumpster fire out already, but when this movie was announced, it was two movies, so god help us if they go ahead with the second one...

wait so warrior nun got 'saved' but none of the original writers or even the showrunner were asked to be involved..................................... lmao

Every Film I Watch In 2023:

185. Gulmohar (2023)

Sonu singing for Shah Rukh again............ with lyrics by Javed Akhtar............... the world is healing

Hi, im a beginner horror enjoyer and im really disturbed by a lot of gore but i wanna understand the Texas Chainsaw Massacre movies bc ive heard theyre hugely influential on the genre (rightly so too)

I figured with all this id ask the foremost texas chainsaw scholar i am aware of

Could you tell me the basics, if its gross (im really bad at tolerating gross out horror and gore played realistic), and any fun tidbits?

If not i thank you for reading and hope you have a good day ^-^

The Texas Chain Saw Massacre was hugely influential on the genre and set the standard for low budget horror and inspired future filmmakers to rely more on psychological terror over gore & violence! It was also seemingly the birth of a lot of horror tropes, like big, masked killers and using power tools for weapons.

Texas Chainsaw's story is inspired by serial killers like Ed Gein and Elmer Wayne Henley. The movie’s director, Tobe Hooper, was inspired by the graphic coverage of violence by San Antonio news outlets and based elements of the plot on murderer Ed Gein, who was a notorious serial killer who made furniture out of human body parts and created a mask made of human skin. The movie’s underlying themes are mostly the horrors of isolation, and the dangers of unchecked capitalism. The movie is also a metaphor for the Nixon-era mayhem and the government’s deceit toward the public during the 1970s. Hooper intentionally misled audiences by claiming that the movie was based on a true story to attract a wider audience.

I honestly don't know how to give you the basics aside from a plot synopsis because I would, hand to God, be sitting here for about 12 hours minimum going into every weird little detail, like the intricacies of bubba's mental issues and being forced to take on a female role for his abusive older brothers, or all the absolutely insane shit that happened during filming. And that'd just be me talking about the FIRST film.

But if you want to ask me more questions or see more Texas chainsaw related stuff you can ask/look over at my blog @chainsawhouse. I just hate to gum up my main blog with this particular interest.

Also, my fun tidbit is that they've recently confirmed that there is a new Texas Chainsaw Massacre in the works, under the title 'Texas Chainsaw Legacy'! Very fun imo.