#weird au bs
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unable to stop dwelling on the discworld trouser leg of time where, in the penultimate fight scene in Nightwatch, Carcer manages to kill teenage Sam Vimes.
Which means that the future that Duke Vimes came from can no longer exist, which means he can’t go home. Meanwhile you’ve got a bunch of history monks with stored up temporal energy, a prepared space outside of time, and the need to do some desperate damage control before the Auditors get involved. Death shows up, reality is unweaving, Sam is reading Carcer his discworld miranda rights because what else is he supposed to do.
and finally, with little other option, the monks de-age Sam so he fits the time period and send him back out into the fray.
(they didn't call it deageing of course. His memory is hazy, splintered during that terrible in between moment, They....took the time out of him? Sanded away the edges of his self for a terrible, workable fit? It...wasn't a good feeling.)
Just—damn. Sam Vimes having to live his whole crapsack life over again, but this time as his disillusioned-reillusioned, unwillingly-character-developed, noir-epic, Duke of Ankh, Commander Sir Samuel Vimes self.
Younger (Older? He's never felt so Old, His steps so Childlike, reality twisting in his gut like one of Dibbler's pies) Sam Vimes walking around in a haze after the revolution. Desperate to go home, knowing he can’t. Wanting to drink. Knowing he can’t.
The whole precinct feels pity, he really took Keel’s death hard, hardly speaks except to do his job. Eventually he has to grit his teeth and start being present, because what else is there to do?
Resists the urge to drink until Colon takes the whole watch out to celebrate because -he’s going to be a father!
Come on Sammy, one drink won’t kill you— and after the first drink he’s cracking jokes and after the second hes smiling and after the third hes honestly the life of the party and sometime after that he’s crying about how he was going to be a father and my wife would be ashamed if she saw me drinking like this and—
Oh shit, Did anyone else know he had a wife?? A PREGNANT wife??? What—aren’t you like 12—no you're 17 now aren't you but when did—
You guys n’ver met ’er—oh gods none if you ev’n know ‘er, is jus’ me...
What—when did you lose—
I lost her the same damn day I los’ ev’rythin else, whadya think...bleeding Carcer...the fuckin revolution...
So! That! Sam only vaguely remembers the night, but rumors travel faster than light on the disc, so by the next day the whole damn city knows about poor Sam brung low by the loss of his poor, tragic, pregnant wife, so young to be a widower, and the Seamstresses nod because they already knew, don’t ask them how, somethings you just have to know in that trade.
And his mother—I don’t know, sue me, I’m a time travel fiend but there’s something deeply intriguing about a man meeting his dead parent, who is somewhat younger than him, and stepping into the old relationship like a badly fitting thing that's supposed to fit well. She would know, right? How would she deal with her son’s impossible grief? Maybe she wouldn’t know—he spent most of the time out of the house, running with different street gangs, maybe he avoids her until she dies and lives with the guilt twice over. God, we don’t even know her name. There’s just so much narrative and emotional potential that I don’t even know where to start.
When he’s on duty, which is most time - it’s agonizing because at first he remembers cases, saves lives that would have been lost. But the more time passes, the hazier his memory because in the original timeline he was becoming an alcoholic. Fuck! A kid dies and he could have saved her if he hadn’t been such a drunk, if he had just remembered where the asshole lived, but it’s all a haze, and he wants to drown out his guilt, but that’s what caused this in the first place.
Good young Sammy, who spends his rare off-time in dusty libraries (and yes, the irony that he’s apparently Carrot now is not lost on him) reading gods-only-know.
It’s not like he can ask the wizards for help, cutthroat and vicious as they are now in the not-so-distant-past.
Good young Sam, who...talks to the Broken Drum’s pet Bouncer like he’s a real person and not a dumb rock? That’s a bit weird, but he’s a bit of a funny guy.
Good old Sam, who believed the testimony of the dwarf who said the humans were trying to rob him and let the dwarf go??
the PROBLEMS this man would cause, good grief. Can you imagine a moderately progressive middle aged man with some degree of begrudging diversity and equity training that he did, for all his sins, pay attention to, suddenly going back to like, 1990, going back just 30 years, and going...oh damn this is kind of fucked up, no man you can’t say that, holy shit.
Except Sam’s lived through even more rapidly shifting social moroes! There’s no seamstress guild, there’s no women allowed inside the university, there’s no black ribboner’s society. People hunted trolls for their teeth! But Sam can’t just unlearn everything, and he can’t shut up, and he has no real luck and anyway he would absolutely get himself (temporarily) fired.
FUCK. Sam has no idea what to do with that. None. Zero clue. Wanders around in a haze until that dwarf he saved from police brutality finds him and insists on repaying the debt. No, he insists, do you have any idea what debt means to a dwarf?
“Sort-of?” he replies hesitantly, and that honest admission of incomplete knowledge shows a hell of a lot more respect and understanding than any self proclaimed dwarf-expert ever did.
Gets a job as a surface man, hauling rocks into the city. It’s backbreaking work, but, in true Discworld fashion, it’s also one hell of a workout (again the irony of being Carrot is not lost him. he freezes for a minute while hauling a rock cart, when he remembers he's technically Lost Nobility too, in a strict sense, but someone curses at him in the street and he's comfortingly grounded)
And here is where this au slides into a SPECTACULAR romantic comedy, BEAR WITH ME. Because in his time on the Watch he’s already done noir, action adventure, war story, detective who dunnit, psychological horror, but guards guards only allowed him to be a romance protagonist in an extremely limited context.
Give me righteous, twenty-something-looking, can’t-say-he-doesn’t-have-style, young Sam Vimes, not an alcoholic, being fed three square meals a day by his dwarven forced found family, hauling rocks. He is startled to find him bumping his head on a low hanging bar that he doesn’t think used to be there, eventually realizing that he’s an inch or two taller than he remembers. Huh. Guess all that bearhuggers really did stunt his growth.
Still doesn’t get what some of the looks from women he’s getting are about, sure, he’s dirty but so is everyone else. Fine, he took his shirt off, but it’s hot out, there’s far wrinklier than him hauling heavy loads, get a life.
Happens to glance in the Ankh one day when it’s particularly slow and shiny and is startled to realize that he might be turning heads for a different reason. Oh. Right, not that he was ever a heartbreaker, but he did alright for himself... when he was a younger and his face hadn’t been broken so many times. Which...it isn't now.
Is mildly disturbed by the revelation.
Especially once things blow over at the precinct and what with high mortality rates, he ends up with getting hired again. The boys are delighted to have him back, nevermind that he’s an odd one, noone is ever quite in your corner like Vimsey, absence makes the heart fonder, no one else works that hard, and he’s not even competition for promotion. All around great guy, we should set him up with somebody and just, no.
It just keeps getting worse! He’s literate! He’s a feminist! He believes abuse victims! He’s got a tragic backstory! He’s unreasonably good in a fistfight! He’s kind to animals! Word gets around that there’s a good man on the watch and he’s just waiting for a good woman to come snap him up. The widower excuse doesn’t hold people off completely, and for some it’s its own sort-of appeal.
Things REALLY become stressful after he rescues that carriage full of noblewoman.
What’s he supposed to do? Let them get robbed? Or worse? Chasing down and beating up 10 goons is as easy as beating up one, when they’re that stupid, getting separated like that, drunk and distracted, and he knows these streets better than anyone, really it’s nothing. And oh lord he’s Modest too.
I mean, they were genuinely greatful, as genuine as people like that are capable of being, the skill having grown rusty. And then there is something...magnetic about the man. An air of command.
So, soon enough you get Lady Marigold of Marigrave calling on Treckle Road for that gallant young officer who rescued them, she really needs to thank him. And Viscountess Elanor Thitzferal specifically requesting that he guard her at her next soiree. And Baroness Julieta van Shoeholten insisting that he come to her home while her husband’s away, for... manly protection.
Aaaah just zero sympathy from the guys. None. 'It’s become a competition, they’re just trying to see who can get me into bed first, it’s like I’m a piece of meat, you can’t send me sir, the Marquess greeted me in a nightee last time you made me go to—' and 'small gods Vimes are you even listening to yourself, shut the hell up'.
Simultaneous to this, (again this is several years into the timeline) swamp dragon accessories come into style. Which means abandoned swamp dragons scrounging on the street. Vimes takes one back to his apartment, blows his paycheck on dragon medicine, and eventually, heart in his chest, brings it to the Ramkin estate. The sunshine orphanage doesn’t even exist yet and he’s just standing outside the gates like an idiot, what is he thinking. Turns around, but her carriage is pulling up and—
well. they meet. it's cute. he's never felt so young. he's never felt so old, too old for her, too poor—
and certainly her thoughts linger too long on the awkward, kindly, handsome young commoner, but is it any wonder she doesn't quite connect it to the stern, dangerous, sexy young guard the ladies seem to be in some quiet, cuthroat competition over?
i have this gorgeous, absurd scene in my head in which Vimes is strong armed into standing guard at some high society soiree and one of the pushiest ladies insists he dance with here, or, if he prefers, if he's not confident about his skills, he can dance with her in-private at her home and he’s like [grinding teeth, looking for a way out, seeinf one] “I would be honored to dance with you.”
Steps right into some ultra-complex dance with multiple partner swaps (she never thought he'd pick this one, devilishly intimidating to one not strictly trained, and you barely spend anytime with your first partner).
But he does alright. Better than alright, for a common man, sometimes misstepping but his hands and feet always end up where they need to be. Raises several eyebrows part way into the song because he's throuwing in some slightly scandalous, no innovative, extra lifts and twirls that wouldn't become fashionable for another decade or two. Who even is that guy? Some out of towner? No, no he's in a guards uniform...how very strange.
Gets to Sybll and she's used to embarrassment during these dances, she tries to get out of them when she can... but can't always. Men awkwardly skipping the lifts, or worse, trying and failing. But him — oh it's him, the one who helped little Erold, and looked at her like—like—well like she was someone beautiful. And he's doing it again, and he's strong and there's a quiet moment where she's in the air, they lock eyes, and the rest of the room melts away.
And then the partners change again, the moment ended.
Just...living throught it all again. To the left, a dance he almost knows the steps to, throwing others off balance with erratic moves , honest mistakes, and delibrate stepping on toes. Improvising. Ruining. Improving. Getting far, far too much attention.
Hes almost excited when the first assassains start coming after him. It's like a hobby.
Everyone tells him he should get a hobby.
Interactions with young vetinari...I don't have the energy to write it all down, the slow circling in on each other, both burning with the need to fix the city, save it, their city.
needless to say he ends up fired again, life under real threat after offending some high lord.
Conveniently enough he has an employment opportunity- bodyguard to fucking Vetinari on his 'grand sneer.' The bastard knows vimes isn't what he seems, though sam is pretty sure that he doesnt know the exacts.
Vetinari hypothesis:(the ghost of keel? Keels son, with some hereditary curse? Or a larger spirit of justice possessing a string of unrelated souls? He knows things he shouldn't- mind reader? Fortune teller? Havelock once arranged for a wizard to bump into him on the street, the magical fool gave an odd double look and then muttered something about destiny looping in on itself giving him a headache. Destiny? Lost noble? And hes far too familiar with sybyl, one of the few bearable noblewomen in this city. And his thoughts on guilds, when havelock can trip him into speaking... Most of all, if hes reading him at all correctly (for all the mystery hes not that hard to read, unless thats a very clever cover) then it seems that behind those dark haunted eyes is Respect. Loyalty. For vetinari. What an interesting man. A puzzling asset. An intriguing threat. )
Did I mention the timeline is changing, healing slowly around the place where it was torn? Healing enough around scars to perhaps get some flexibility back, with some painful stretches and...massaging of said scar tissue?
And hes heading to unresting uberwald, a place where a werewolf pack still hunts humans and, truely unrelated but perhaps equally exhausting, an eldritch spirit of vengeance just might be looking to stretch its legs in a hapless vessel?
Opening drabble
Vimes Vetinari Meta (Unwell)
#discworld#sam vimes#discworld au#nightwatch au#i literally drafted this post in December 2021#and i know it was living in my head for years already at that point#i have more somewhere aging like cheese in the back of my mind#discworld fanfic#night watch#Let this be free from my mind#Perhaps someone else will write it#BE FREE ANCIENT AU OF MY SOUL#For all my obsession with discworld I have but this one (1) AU though it tears at me like the seam of a pair of pants#The songs I have permanently associated with this au are slightly bonkers by the way#My au#Seriously there's like two full novels worth of content up here. Sybyll running away from home and living as a commoner#To mirror Sam joining upper class in original timeline you see?#Some early discworld murder Wizard nonsense when they try to poke at the temporal anomaly and the universe goes brrrr#Eventually catching up with color of Magic city burning bs and vimes is mad as fuck#Weird year that never was protecting people during sourcery#And when we start catching up with where he left#Oh ho ho you can't to forward to something that doesn't exist but maybe you can go sideways to a place that's got a tear in it#A sam vimes shaped tear#And his pregnant wife from 30 years ago in the other trouser leg#AND that's not even mentioning how carcers trial got taken to a...higher court
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strap in for this week's fic flavor: the failsafe episode of season one of the young justice cartoon except the simulation just won't. fuckin. end.
(fics that inspired this at the end)
If I ever did sit down to make my own fic, I'd split it in 3 parts:
The Simulation: bits and pieces of the 40 years Dick lives after most everyone he knows has died
The Return: the immediate aftermath and healing from the trauma of having not-quite-actually lived a whole life only to wake up and find out it was all fake. nothing traumatizing about that whatsoever.
The Unintended Consequence: aka the twist I'd love to add and would hint to in the second part - finding out the simulation, through martian mind fuckery, pulled from the real world (and in many cases, from real minds). Dick meets a bunch of people he didn't think were real outside the confines of his simulated life. A bunch of rowdy, heroism-inclined teens across the years get to meet the sibling/friend/mentor figure they all dreamed up one night.
(actual idea snippets under the cut)
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Dick Grayson is 14 and most of the world's heroes have died. He planned a suicide mission that left him the sole survivor of a doomed team he helped found. The invasion may have been stopped, but is this really the price he wanted to pay?
The first face he sees in the infirmary is Roy's, and he has to close his eyes and just breathe for a few minutes because for one painful moment he'd thought it was Wally. But this isn't the world where his best friend miraculously survived alongside him. This is the one where he got his best friend killed and didn't even give him the courtesy of following behind him. Behind them.
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Dick Grayson is 27 and has lived longer without Bruce than with him. The invasion's anniversary is always a tough day for him, but that morning seems especially harrowing. He'll get shit for it later, but can't resist stepping out onto the balcony of the manor's master bedroom (Bruce's old bedroom) for a smoke -- his first since he'd promised to quit if Jason, just 15 then, did too.
"Bad habits tend to pile up," he'd said, a rueful quirk to his tired grin. He'd tapped the cigarette twice on the railing and added, lower, "and this one's especially nasty, huh."
He inhales, watches the sun creep across the horizon, and lets acrid smoke burn through his lungs for a long moment before blowing it out in a small cloud. His eyes water, but he doesn't cough. It tastes just as bad as it did the first time he smoked one, not even a year after the invasion and treading water as Robin proved insufficient.
There hadn't been enough heroes to go around then, and Dick had been trained by one of the best. It hadn't been fair, but it had been his plan that had ultimately stopped the invasion. His shoulders everyone's expectations fell on.
He takes another drag, then smudges the lit end against the rail he's leaned on when he hears a boot scuff purposefully against the roofing above him.
"Todd and Pennyworth will be upset with you."
He doesn't turn around. Damian doesn't jump down to join him.
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Dick Grayson is 54 and wakes up in a room full of ghosts. He hears his long-dead father-figure tell his long-dead team about a simulation they weren't meant to win. A training exercise gone wrong and only half a day spent under their mentors' careful, if slightly panicked, supervision.
He looks at his hands, watching the way his gloves crease when he flexes them in and out of tight fists. He looks at his team, their eyes a little haunted but shoulders slumped with relief even as they grumble. Batman's heavy, gloved hand settles on his shoulder and the weight of it is a nauseating mix of foreign-familiar.
He opens his mouth. Closes it.
Tears prick his eyes behind his domino mask, and he tells himself the suffocating, acidic void building in his chest is just some leftover side effect of the ordeal and not the grief-guilt of outliving yet another family (no matter that they hadn't been real in the end).
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Dick Grayson is 16-going-on-56 and well used to the coincidences piling up between his simulated life and the real thing. Some of it -- missions and villains he remembers cropping up -- he's marked for Bruce to review and sort as he pleases. Some -- security for the cave, team building anecdotes, and training regimens -- he's shared with the team. And some he keeps only for himself.
Tim is one of those. He knows it's not fair to the kid (so much smaller now than he ever was when Dick lived his simulated life), but he can't help being selfish just for this. Tim is the one kid he's sure he didn't make up, and if Dick's taken to babysitting the kid just to be near at least one member of the family he built for himself in the wake of the worst days of his life .... Well, anyone who says shit about it can happily stand in line to have their teeth kicked in.
Despite this, it still catches him off-guard when he sees a familiar face pop up in one of Bruce's reports.
Jason Todd, caught boosting tires off the batmobile, is nearly the same age now as he was when Dick met him. He stares at the words, but none of them really sink in beyond the kid's name and address. He's moving before he's even made the decision.
He's used to the world kicking him when he's down - lived it for 40 frustrating years. But he has Bruce again. And things with Tim have been so good. And he's always been selfish when it comes to family. If he could just see Jason. If he could just meet him. If he could talk to him.
If if if if if--
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Inspirations:
Circles in Shattered Mirrors by InfinityIllusion
Fine (But Not Okay) by CharlotteDaBookworm
Verisimilitude by mutemelody
#young justice#young justice cartoon#batfam#batman#dick grayson#thoughts and headcanons#the heart wrenching inability to cope with the fact that you've lived a fully realized life#you've loved and lost and loved again in the face of every unending tragedy#until you've forcefully carved out this one little safe haven for yourself#only to be thrust back to the beginning of one of your greatest traumas - esp one you're partly responsible for!#gotta love it#anyway i am and always have been obsessed with dick grayson and no one can stop me#the simulation was fake but some psychic bs means real world elements filtered in#cue several children with weird dream-memories of half-lived experiences and a massive sense of deja-vu#when they wade into the superhero world#all i can picture is the spiderman pointing meme but it's the batkids at dick lol#my favorite idea is that once Dick gets his grubby hands on Jason and Tim it's all over from there#he's pulling late nights and researching and scouring facial recognition databases until he finds his kids#(he blurs the lines a lot when it comes to considering them his siblings vs kids#on the one hand they're not super far apart in age bar Damian#on the other he hasn't been a kid in any meaningful way since he was 14 and he very nearly raised half of them in some way#(plus side to an au is that i can space the ages out more as needed compared to the show haha)#jason and cass are firmly siblings close as they are to his age#steph tim and duke fluctuate depending on how in trouble or injured they are#i will die by dick being damian's dad tho lmao#babs is more platonic life partner than sibling but very firmly family regardless#this is the dick grabs on to any shred of family he can with both hands and drags them in kicking and screaming if he has to au
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realizing a trend with a lot of my favorite characters/fictional crushes. a lot of them have or have had wings. and one of my longest realized kintypes is something sort of avian (think close to normal human but slap some wings on there.) and now that has me thinking what other traits and stuff do I take from my kintypes?? my theriotypes???
tbf though wings are sick as hell. like lets be real here
#i dont necessarily have a Lot of winged kins… But#im almost constantly dealing with phantom wing bs#i cant resist drawing wings on things bc it just feels weird NOT to have them…. yknow#most of the aus i make are in some way an excuse to just give characters wings. etc#like obv those last few things arent kin related but they ARE a result of me having some rlly strong kins with wings#anonymous#kinfessions#fictionkin#mod akechi
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I made an attempt at drawing up some designs for the elite force gang
Also all the notes are just for fun
The giant mass of writing is a bunch of headcannons,
Also I am a sucker for found family so I might be drawing more stuff for them
#I have so many ideas for Kaz and Oliver’s powers#like mighty med ending on them getting powers was bs#it should have had season3#lab rats#disney lab rats#lab rats fanart#lab rats au#all my lab rats stuff is set in the Marcus au#mighty med#mighty med fanart#lab rats elite force#elite force#elite force fanart#lab rats elite force fanart#also ignore how weird skylar looks I was tired
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Ok ok listen, crack-ish ObiShi AU where Obito constantly tries to get Shisui to join the Akatsuki while Shisui constantly tries to find out who 'Tobi' is and they meet in secret every once in a while and slowly start to actually care for each other in-between one banter and the other
One day Shisui gets injured on a mission and Obito's like "this is the perfect moment to try and get him to my side, he's weak and injured and in need of help and if I save his life he'll owe me a favor" but Shisui is high on chakra pills and painkillers and has absolutely no filter whatsoever and goes on to list every single bullshit part of what Obito has told him about his plans (not much, just a little bit to try and sway him on the villain side without revealing too much) and then promptly passes out against him (like, literally. They're talking and then suddenly Shisui tilts forward and for a moment Obito almost turns intangible but then he sees Shisui's eyes rolling back in his head and catches him before he can hit the ground) and Obito almost freaks out because "Holy shit I have absolutely no idea how to take care of injured people what the fuck do I do is he dead is he dying did I kill him by keeping him from looking for actual medical help fuck fuck fuck-" and he does the first thing he can think of, warps in fucking Kakashi's apartment and dumps Shisui right there and then and then disappears but remains nearby to make sure he won't actually die
He doesn't make much of it at first, but then slowly starts realizing that he actually cares, meanwhile Shisui is being kept 'prisoner' in Kakashi's apartment and he won't be let out until he gives any sort of answer as to how he appeared out of thin air, but Shisui has no idea of the existence of Kamui so he genuinely has no answer to give and Kakashi decides to keep an eye on him because that was weird as fuck and he needs to know if he has to worry about people appearing in his apartment in the future
Of course there would be no massacre, Danzō tries to get his hands on Shisui('s eyes) but Obito kicks his ass to Hell and back because obviously no one's allowed to kill him, Shisui's important for his evil plans! (And yes, that's what Obito tells himself to excuse his protectiveness towards Shisui, no funny feelings at play here)
Cue a very confused Shisui passing out because of the poison and what better thing for Obito to do than to dump him at Kakashi's place again, because obviously Obito doesn't trust the Hokage to do the right and Kakashi's the only person Obito considers having a bit of an actual brain, and Kakashi helps Shisui by taking him to the Aburame (who I hc as Konoha's poison experts because of their bugs) and then proceeds to force the truth out of Shisui and get absolutely everyone involved into making sure things like these don't happen again
At this point Shisui is starting to think that the weird teleportation technique is something 'Tobi' can do, because now's the second time he has passed out in front of him and it's the second time he wakes up at Kakashi's place so connecting the dots is not that difficult anymore
And during the years Obito and Shisui keep having this weird, secret relationship where technically they're enemies and one hand Obito has convinced himself that his obsession for Shisui is given by the fact that his Mangekyō would be perfect for their plans while on the other hand Shisui has convinced himself that he wants to see 'Tobi' again and again just because he's an enemy and he wants to keep an eye on him
(Spoiler: they fuck)
#uchiha shisui#uchiha obito#obito/shisui#obishi#obv I wouldn't have them be brothers in this au#also imagine how fun it'd be if Shisui becomes team 7's sensei#Naruto: Sensei who's that weird guy following you#Shisui tired af of Tobi's bs: Ignore him and he'll eventually go away#Tobito: Notice me Shisui-senpai pls join my criminal organization#Sakura: Did he say something?#Shisui: No.
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30% through the most kudoed hannibal fic on ao3. so. is this? what people got out of the show. 🙃
#social anthropology#i remember reading a small handful of hannibal fic back in 2015 that were 🤢 but of course there is the brilliant silent hill 4 au#anyway WHAT is up with the prolific fanworks being slightly to medium ooc weird healing bs#<- oh yeah. i forgot. people genuinely like that.#anyway will with the fifty shades internal monologue sno you’re falling for it
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Call me radical but tbh I only take KOTOR1 as gospel. Everything else is supplementary and optional. Yes this includes KOTOR2, much as I love it. Some things in there I would rather ignore. Also love the Zayne Carrick comics but like they also feel like a supplemary spinoff to me that contradicts some of the original game in vibe if not details but that's a rant for another day. Star War legends my beloved mess. Nothing is canon nothing matters so everything matters??
#Thoughts#I'm not disabling RBs but like why would you want to this just me rambling into the void#Me warming up for a longer blog post one day#Especially about dudebro delusions about what's “canon” to a barely Canon character#Don't even get me started on the steaming shit pile that is the novel#Back to KOTOR2 to me there is a nice AU where everyone is living happily and Revan didn't leave and that weird Sith bs from the MMO is less#Weird or didn't happen altogether#Also hilarious that the dudebros will parrot things as Canon but then like say the Sequels aren't Canon to them#Like have some self awareness#Let people have fun and let yourself have fun it's Star Wars#Why did I write this all in the tags#Welp
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Ok the crossover with all my fankid AUs is tempting.
but which universe do I throw the other three groups into,,,,
#arti’s au nonsense#all of them are equally stupid options#but two are the least chaotic because they’re just Used To Weird Stuff#but so I go with the magical bs flair or the superhero flair on things#oh god why am I thinking about this
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Gotham but is OUAT.
Or a weird magical curse "normalizes" Gotham and makes everyone unhappy in the process. It is a ploy from the goverment into turning the city into a conservative wet drean example of how they can fix crime without having to deal with any of the systemic issues behind it (like they already try to do, except is literally impossible).
Dick Grayson lives in Bludhaben and isn't affected. Until he goes visit his family and realizes his city is all brainwashed (and honestly is a bit weird that there is no queer people, all POC act like "ideal minorities" and let people be assholes to them and everything is somehow more ableist? All the money Bruce spend in funding inclusivity programs and trying to create a less bigoted generation via education and actual suppor for minorities was waste aparently, the Arkham reform too, they had made soo much progress, they had actually reformed some villans, all for this shit? Also why everything looks like a 50's add? He knows Gotham loves it's atemporal aesthetic but cammon it isn't it. ). Well now Dick is the story's Henry and has to convince his family something is wrong and look for what exactaly happened and how to solve it.
Just like OUAT every chapther focus in Dick's (and later his team of people who accepted to help him in his quest) actions and discoveries but also in a flashback about what each characther was doing when the got catched by the curse and how their life was before. And some episodes with the question of is it worth to sacrificie free will if people like Joker will stop being a problem?
#batman#ouat au#dick grayson#he is our protagonist and is very cool#he also feels like tim did when no one else belived bruce was alive#damian eats meat and Dick is soo done#no one can find selina#what is weird because she was living in the mansion before the curse#Penguim became a criptobro and that was the moment Dick decided that is it I can't take this bs anymore#them he saw killer croc being a priest and he decided that he foind the most cursed thing ever#harley is a stay at home mon#she has no kids and had just recovered her license to therapy before the curse#and no Dick doesn't know who this kids are#he is sure they are just some kids that lived across the street and the curse just yanked them from their real parents#ivvy is also nowhere to be found#she ends up being the second member of dick squad#riddler is a middle school teacher and honestly why all the ex rogues are around young kids#ex rogues and the joker who was still active untill the curse and honestly why tf did they give him kids#scarecrow has an antique shop#he had a diploma cammon#tim and steph are dating again and part of a christian youth group#bernard is tim straigth best friend who talks to hin about girls as if they are in a 50's sitcom#Jason is a cop without relations with the Wayne family and that's just getting even more absurd for Dick#barbara is also a middle school teacher and doen't remember their relationship#cass actually didn't change much#the curse is not as efective with metas so duke starts remembering as the events go on#he is the third member of team let's break this curse#batfamily#batman rogues
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Me: *talking about the older Disney Princess movies and how I'm re-watching them*
Someone: Oh yeah, but man those older ones, the OG 3? They were horrible representation for wom-
Me:
Me: Speak not another word, lest we get thrusted back into the good year of 2014. This is why Frozen gagged y'all, cause people had that antiquated and twisted mindset of something that doesn't exist.
#we do NOT disrespect Snow White Cindy nor Aurora in my house#silly talks#SW and Cindy were parental abuse victims who still fought back and survived in their own way#and one was fucking 14 christ all mighty#and Cindy was so freaking proactive its crazy#i love the live action disney cindy but og animated cindy was just as good#they had a slightly different focus and messages but they both executed their own stuff (and shared stuff) very well#and aurora is just existing and y'all wanna drag her man#btw I love frozen and F1 is one of my top fav disney movies#but when you watch it and remember the bs mindset people had of the older disney princess during the 2010s-ish era....#....well F1's writing is elevated a lot more!#It's playing into and subverting the twisted expectation people had of the older gens and the creators/Hans trolled y'all#I was not expecting this to happen in an irl convo I was not expecting to be thrusted back into 2014 TT0TT#(btw I say this knowing I also accidentally bought into/entertained that weird mindset for a minute....#.....i was a teen and thought the headcanon/aus of 'making childhood thing actually twisted' was fun uwu#like ed edd and eddie is actually taking place in purgatory or whatever#do I really believe it? no. did I find it interesting/entertaining to explore that idea? yea#i firmly don't believe Beauty and the Beast is stockholm syndrome.....but did I find it interesting to hear about it the first time? yeah#so yeah when I bring up F1 gagging people I look at it fondly cause I was also invested in that crowed too! ...I wasn't as antagonistic#about it as some people but I did explore those ideas cause I found them fun)#anyway off topic we did Herc and Mulan last night (probs my fav disney movies besides F1 and Lion King 2)
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i am still thinking about cursed bodies as a fantasy and it's reached that point where i have a few pages dedicated to it in my notebook.
#( 🌿 ) bs.#although it'll remain more of an au#but it's so weird how it works both ways#except henry#no fucking idea what he'd do
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You know I never considered how darkly humorous the idea of the meme that Lucius is alive in the passageways and walls of the Revenge could be in a House of Leaves! Monster Ship with Fae!Stede AU.
Lucius: What if I was alive in walls and passageways of the Revenge instead of drowning.
HoL!Revenge: Gotcha but we gotta send you hurtling through spacetime while we're at it.
Lucius: But why
HoL!Revenge: It's either that or become the minotaur, and that position is already filled and you should probably not meet it because we like you.
Lucius: What
HoL!Revenge: I said what I said.
#hol!revenge#fae!stede musings#i've also decided canon happened but mary also knows about fae and anamalous house bs in this au#and she has been long DONE with it#since day 1 in fact#all her gripes with stede are about stede himself not his fae bs or his weird house haunting him#i've injected horror into the queer pirate romcom#mary is bringing back the comedy
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That moment, when you understand whats been bugging you lately
#aside from hormonal BS because body does not care that im not a woman lol#im praise starved#that sounds weird lol#but uh i kind of slowed down on making art because the response was getting less#and less exited#and that just helped me getting forgotten#and now when i post stuff#nothing happens#on twitter i mean#i dont get any recognition on here aside from alisha when she stumbled upon my art here and there#and uh#im discouraged i guess#sucks tbh#losing the space au kind of killed a lot of my connection to what i built on twitter#meh
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So, an Idea, or AU I had regarding the good ol DPxDC.
I’m not sure what sort of disaster Amity’s ghost problem would be classified as, but think of what would happen if the local EMS (Emergency Services like Fire Departments, Law Enforcement, Emergency Medical, etc.) pretty much started jumping over the Mayor from the get-go? What if hard proof of these hijinx, for a brief time, were able to get out of Amity?
Well the Governor would probably have someone take a look, and once nonsense is confirmed (especially of its weird nonsense that looks a little to close to supers) they send in the National Guard, at first to keep an eye on the situation.
Then comes the Ghost Investigation Ward, and things go from moderately worrying to “WTF” real quick. And things start looking less Small Town USA and more Stalins Town USSR, at the height of Stalins Purges.
Admittedly it’s not immediate, and during the time between being put on “Indefinite Alert” and actually being relived this unit (I’m thinking a Battalion Sized force so about 1,200 soldiers/guardsmen total) ends up befriending the locals, and much to the Mayor, and GIWs, frustration, Phantom, as well as Red Huntress.
This leads to a standoff, the GIW can really only do what they want because of the Governments permission for them to do so, but engaging National Guard, who had not been federalized, may cause an issue or two. So they bring up the issue with someone who they think will back them up, their new boss Lex Luthor.
Now Lex isn’t a fool, but he figures out how the Justice League isn’t being called is due to a jammer the GIW set up and figures he can take a look around incognito like, or more accurately get trusted members of The Goonion, who he had Federally given approval to, to go take a look around.
When Alex gets the full story, and not just the GIWs original story but also updated info from the Doctors Fenton, who are now VERY worried, because they were wrong about Ghosts in more ways than they originally thought they may have been.
Suffice to say, when Lex manages to get a copy of "The History of The Infinite Realms" and finds that Krypton's Afterlife is GONE, as in they did something similar to what the GIW is planning, he starts hitting the "Abort" Button with fury. Only to be told "Too late we're underway, we're going through a tunnel, what? What?" And now Lex decides Enough is Enough.
Lex does two things, first he sends the GO order for the National Guard Battalion in Amity Park, then he starts trying to get a hold of the Justice League because "Listen I know you dislike me but I am willing to drop it all if you HELP WITH THIS BS THAT I JUST INHERITED!"
Meanwhile back in Amity
Things go from 0 to 100 faster than an Flash, that being the National Guard heard "GO" and immediatly started blasting.
The Townfolks: Confused
The Ghosts: Confused
Team Phantom: Confused and Afraid
The Ghost Hunters who are now studying Ghost Culture and the like: Very Confused and sorta getting Arrested.
The GIW: Full of Bullet Holes, Screaming, and On Fire
Meanwhile, The National Guard are waiting around two hours later with Phantom for any "Federal" News to come through: So the New President decided the Anti-Ecto Acts are BS, unfortunately they haven't been overturned yet so we're all most likely going to be marked as traitors. Mind if we hide out somewhere our bosses can't find us? Also the Justice League never actually knew any of the BS we've been going through, GIW Had some Jammer set up.
Phantom, Tired of all the damage and killing the GIW has caused in Amity Park: I'll try, but I'm not sure how much good it will do if the League shows up.
TLDR: Amity Park during it's entire run has a Battalion of US National Guard camped out in the outskirts/abandoned parts of town and they figure out most of the situation regarding Phantom not being the Villain Mayor Masters and the GIW Claim him to be. Following this logic they turned around and at the first opportunity attacked the GIW and pushed them out of Amity Park.
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meet the aftons & friends
[ fnaf & dsaf spoilers ]
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.
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yolo
characters used:
ssstale afton family + henry emily (fnaf)
- used content from dsaf
[ . . . ]
since i was gone for like a month hi guys
might do something stupid like a life update idfk
#dsaf spoilers#fnaf spoilers#dumb shit#gacha club#random#ssstale#weird shit#drink water#help lol#shitpost#my au#my bs#this is stupid#bullshit#i forgot about this#tumblr return#tumblr#yolo ig#did i mention bullshit#au stuff#fnaf au#dsaf au#help lmao
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A couple people suggested an Arranged Marriage AU when I was asking for bowuigi ideas, but it took me this long to come up with a plot (sorry (not sorry) in advance if this one also gets really long).
Mario and Peach finally tied the knot, and Bowser is fine. Really. He doesn't care. He just doesn't feel like moving or leaving his room or eating anything but junk food. He's FINE.
And then one day a bunch of little pea people pop out of one of the caves and tell him they've got a prophecy that states their champion needs to marry the strongest ruler in the land in order to save the world at some unspecified future date. If he was a little less depressed Bowser would probably call bullshit, but right now he doesn't care enough to protest and the idea of marrying some random pea at least sounds better than being alone.
So he follows them into the caves and meets his "bride" (or groom? It's hard to tell under the giant veil) who seems startled to see him but doesn't say anything. Then Bowser has to go through a bunch of weird trials to prove he's the strongest, while the peas and their champion watch.
At least the champion is bigger than the rest of the pea people. That would have been awkward.
Bowser passes the trials easily and is shoved into a room with the champion to wait while the wedding is prepared. (Again, if he was thinking clearly Bowser would probably notice how much this screams "trap," but he isn't.) He does notice that the champion is staying as far away from him as physically possible in the small room, so Bowser tells them they've got nothing to fear from him.
"I'm not expecting anything. I won't make you DO anything. I just want somebody to stand by my side. If you can promise me that, there's just about nothing in the world I won't give you."
The champion calms down after that, and soon the wedding begins.
It's not a ceremony Bowser is familiar with, but he says yes in the right places, and the champion does too (is that voice a little familiar?) and at the end when Bowser lifts off the veil he sees a face that is pretty damn close to the last one he wanted to see right now.
Luigi is not entirely sure how he ended up in this position. He met the pea people some time ago and helped them with a small issue that had them granting him honorary membership into their community. He forgot about it after that until a group of them came and said they needed a champion, and asked him to attempt some trials. He wanted to refuse, but he's been feeling pretty lonely now that Mario is married. He could still drop in to visit, but it feels like intruding. And Mario hasn't been coming by very often at all.
So he did the trials and the pea people were overjoyed and he was starting to feel better until they said he needed to marry a king. Luigi DID refuse then, but the pea people showed him the prophecy carved into the cave walls, and he's been involved in enough destiny BS to not dismiss it out of hand. Maybe it won't be so bad?
Until he saw Bowser. Who... kind of looked like shit, actually. Even when doing more of those dumb trials (funny how they seem to be catered precisely to what Luigi and Bowser are both best at) Bowser looked like his heart wasn't in it. When Luigi heard that speech about just wanting someone to stand by his side, Luigi realized Bowser must be even more lonely than he is right now. HE actually DID lose someone he loved to that wedding.
So Luigi can't bring himself to tell the truth and break his heart. He goes through with the wedding and is already thinking about the logistics of moving in together when Bowser sees him and flips the fuck out.
Luckily(?) it turns out the wedding was, in fact, a trap, so when Bowser rips up the altar and throws it at a wall, it makes the pea people think he's onto them. The fight that ensues is enough that Bowser snaps back into something like his usual self, and Luigi is able to cover for how confused he is.
Luigi feels betrayed, Bowser feels humiliated, but at the moment they are very much united against the ones who used them.
Bowser starts picking guys up and threatening to eat them (he wouldn't, he hates vegetables), until somebody confesses that the prophecy is real... but the threat the champion and the king were supposed to defeat was the pea people themselves. They were planning to take over the world, and the wedding was supposed to be a distraction so they could eliminate them both at once.
Luigi leads Bowser to the carvings on the wall he'd seen before. Sure enough, there's one of what looks very much like the wedding ceremony they just had. The terrified pea person translates the inscription, which says the union will uproot all but the smallest peas.
"So you KNEW getting us together would ruin your plans, but you did it anyway? I'm starting to feel dumb for getting fooled by complete idiots."
There are still two problems. One: Bowser didn't make a secret of the fact he was leaving to get married, so when he goes back home he's going to have to explain why he's still... not. And two: the prophecy hasn't actually been fulfilled yet, there's still more pea people out there with megalomaniacal ambitions.
Luigi proposes a solution to both: why doesn't he just go with him? Stay by his side, just like he promised?
"You're crazy," Bowser says.
"I know," Luigi says. "But think about how funny it will be to tell my brother."
"...That will be funny."
It is.
Luigi settles in surprisingly easily. He gets his own room, a new wardrobe, and, once Bowser learns he likes to tinker, a workshop. The people don't mind him (a fair number don't seem to recognize him as Mario's brother, which hurts a little but saves trouble). He even gets along with Junior. Once he brings his dog over he's practically the kid's favorite person.
It's pretty much exactly what Bowser wanted. Luigi is devoted to his duties as "prince consort," always appearing next to Bowser in public and giving the illusion of a united front. If he actually argues with Bowser about a lot of his policy in private, nobody needs to know. Somehow, Bowser doesn't mind.
But it's torture, too, because Bowser has never HAD a real partner like this. Someone who supports him but can still disagree with him. There's a period of about a week where Bowser thinks this is working and will last and he can be happy.
Then they're talking about whether or not to have a traditional koopa wedding as well, and Luigi cracks a joke about how he sure hopes the pea people didn't have that rule where a marriage isn't real until you consummate it, because then they might actually have trouble when the prophecy kicks in.
And Bowser realizes he really really would like to consummate this marriage.
Shit.
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