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trblsvt · 10 months

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in this life | choi seungcheol

summary | honestly, you didn’t really care what choi seungcheol did anymore. but, when his mom called you saying there was an accident, you found yourself at the foot of his bed. genre | fluff, angst, hurt/comfort; exes!au warnings | swearing, mentions of hospitals, injuries from an accident (not life threatening), mentions of drinking, suggestive… for like a flashback, nudity (non-sexual and not descriptive), miscommunication possibly…, jealousy…, insecurities/self-doubt word count | 13.47k words pairing | choi seungcheol x fem!reader minli | lowercase intended i literally have nothing to say about this. sort of a monster to write. i had so many ideas for this, yet little brainpower to execute! it was a fun concept and the longest fic i’ve written for this blog… italics mean flashback or past event… update | i forgot a few things to tag under warnings, sorry :( they have been added

you were doing great, just great. it started raining when you left your umbrella back at your apartment. you were late to work, and you spilled your coffee on the way out of the door. things were great, and it had been seven months since you and your boyfriend called it quits.

you’d like to say it ended in a big blaze of glory, something movie-like, but it was just the opposite. you had sat down with seungcheol and told him that you were unhappy. he was always too busy and refused to make time for anything other than his work. as for you, well you were tired. when you told him, he sort of just looked at you blankly and just shrugged.

he fucking shrugged. great. so that was it. you just stared at him blankly. he wasn’t even going to put up a fight. two years down the drain.

“so that’s it?” you had asked before you left.

“yeah, i guess so,” he had replied.

and that’s how it ended, you packed up your stuff and went back to your apartment. you technically weren’t living with seungcheol, you still had your lease and whatever, but you spent a lot of time at seungcheol’s.

you finally made it to the office and clocked in. nothing important was going on today which was nice, but also this meant your day was going to be endlessly boring. at least it was friday.

you sat down and logged into your computer. “shouldn’t you change your home screen?” a voice startled you out of your thoughts of the hours to come. you spun around in your chair and stared at your friend minjeong. you looked between her and your computer screen. you knew what she was talking about, but you decided to play dumb. “what are you talking about?” you asked. minjeong sort of glared at you.

“that’s from your vacation to jeju,” she frowned.

the same vacation seungcheol took you on.

“yeah, it’s a sunset for jeju. what about it?” you huffed. she didn’t respond, just gave you a look. you knew that look. it was the “i know better than you, why aren’t you listening to me?” look. “seungcheol isn’t even in this picture,” you defended your screensaver.

“but seungcheol was there. that’s a memory with seungcheol,” she countered. she was right. you probably should’ve changed it, but whether it was with seungcheol or not, it was a nice picture. “yeah, it is, but we’re on good terms so what’s the big deal?” you blurted out.

there was the “you’re such a liar” look. “really? when’s the last time you talked to seungcheol since you broke up?” she entertained you even though you both knew you hadn’t contacted seungcheol once since you broke up. “well, it’s not like i keep track or anything, that would be weird,” you brushed her off. you could practically hear her rolling her eyes. “seriously, ___, i don’t think this is healthy for you to still keep remnants of your relationship with him around. it’s going to prevent you from moving on,” she explained.

“i know, just- just give me a little time,” you sighed.

“time? it’s been seven months! how about we go out tonight? you can get your sights on some new man. i think i overheard that changkyun is going out tonight at that new bar.”

“now why would i be interested in where changkyun is going tonight?” you scoffed. minjeong had a theory that changkyun had been crushing on you since he first joined the company, but you were too “lovesick” with seungcheol to see. “he’s so into you! i’m not saying to marry the guy, just take your mind off seungcheol. it’s his loss anyway,” minjeong laughed.

you wanted to believe that, you really did.

you had every intention of going out with minjeong, but the day was going on so momentously, you weren’t sure if you could stand up straight for another second. you both had to unexpectedly stay longer and work overtime, and it might have been the death of you. you heard minjeong’s cheery humming coming around the corner. “are you ready to get absolutely wasted?” she smiled.

“i was going for more of a buzzed thing,” you yawned.

“oh no, don’t do that. you get so quiet when you’re tired before you drink,” she whined. you looked at her, but she was right. you had about three different moods when you were drunk. one, loud. two, quiet. three, insane. and most of the time, the way you ended up correlated to how you were feeling before you drank. you couldn’t explain it, but it just happened.

you were about to offer a clever rebuttal when your phone started ringing. “one second,” you didn’t even bother to check the caller id. “hello?” you replied.

“ah, ___ thank you for answering,” a familiar voice floated through the phone. you paused. you pulled your phone away from your ear and looked at the name on the call.

mrs. choi.

“mrs. choi, hello, i wasn’t expecting you to call me,” you said almost breathlessly. you glanced over at minjeong and she stared at you, wide-eyed. “___, dear. i’m so glad you picked up. i need you to come over,” she sighed. she sounded tired like she had been crying. wait. she wanted you to come over? for what? “come over? what’s going on? is everyone okay?” you asked, logging off your computer and placing the few things you took out of your bag, back into the bag.

“i have hope that it will be. seungcheol was in a car accident.”

you apologized profusely to minjeong and left the office rushing to the seungcheol’s apartment. you knew the way to his apartment, to him, like the back of your hand. you punched the code in that bypassed the need to be buzzed in, and made your way to the elevator.

after you pressed the button to the fifth floor of the complex you felt your hands become inexplicably sweaty. why did you rush over here like a lovesick fool? you weren’t even dating him anymore. why did his mom call you? what was going on? the elevator dinged, alerting you that it was time to get out.

you made your way down to his apartment. 5-12. it looked the same since the last time you were there. you stared at the door. it had been so long since you had been there. your heart was beating so fast, you didn’t know what to do. so, you just knocked.

the door flew open almost instantly. “___, my dear, come in,” mrs. choi welcomed you warmly. you smiled and bowed slightly. when you stepped through the doorway your first instinct was to run away, but you couldn’t. you kicked your shoes off and followed mrs. choi in the direction of seungcheol’s bedroom.

she lightly grasped at your arm. “the car crash happened a couple days ago. we just got out of the hospital. he broke his right leg. it was jammed against the dash and steering wheel. he also has a bruised lung from the airbag, and a mild concussion from the collision,” she explained. you nodded. that sounded awful. where did he crash? did someone crash into him, or did he crash into someone else?

almost reading your mind, she added, “he didn’t hurt anyone else. it was raining the other day. it was dark and his car hydroplaned into a barrier. the cops thought it might’ve been a drunk driving incident since they found newly bought alcohol in the back of his car, but there wasn’t any in his system.”

you were still rendered speechless. seungcheol was the safest driver you knew. he always warned you about hydroplaning and what to do if it happened. why didn’t he do what he always told you?

you realized you were spaced out when mrs. choi rested a hand on your shoulder. “i was surprised that you didn’t come the other day, but seungcheol insisted that you were away on a trip of some sort. he didn’t want me to call you, but you’re his girlfriend! i had to tell you at some point, and you’re obviously back in town,” she exclaimed. “thank you so much for coming, ___. i don’t know where seungcheol would be without you.”

you’re his girlfriend.

what the fuck?

you certainly were not his girlfriend anymore. why did she think you were together? it had been seven months. mrs. choi was sharp, she wouldn’t accidentally slip and say you were his girlfriend unless that is if…

then it dawned on you.

for whatever reason, seungcheol never told his mom the two of you broke up.

fuck.

seungcheol was sick. he was more than sick. he was hurt, physically. and his mom only wanted what was best for her son. she brought you here for something. you weren’t about to make this poor woman’s day worse by telling her you weren’t dating seungcheol anymore, so you played along. “yes, i just got back from a business trip. i always tell seungcheol to call me if something’s the matter. i’m so glad you called me, i wasn’t going to come over for another day or two because of his work schedule,” you pretended. she looked at you fondly. “i always knew you were a good one, ___,” she smiled. it pained you to lie to her, but it seemed like the best option for now.

“we just got back from the hospital a few hours ago. he’s all set up in there. i’m not sure if he’s awake now, but do you want to see him?” she asked. you nodded quietly. you didn’t know what you were going to do in front of seungcheol. you preferred not to think about it.

“before you go in, i have a large favor to ask you. i understand you’re a busy person, but if you could, oh my i feel so embarrassed to ask this. if you could stay with him for a while. take some time off and take care of him because i really cannot stay. my father is ill and i must return home to care for him,” she laughed bitterly. “i would stay, and i would never dream of dumping this sort of responsibility on just anyone, but you’re his girlfriend. not saying girlfriends and wives are only meant for taking care of husbands and boyfriends, but i know you care about seungcheol. i just thought it-”

“yes, i can do that,” you cut her off. why did you say that? “i can contact my manager and work remotely.” why do you keep saying things like this? suddenly mrs. choi’s arms were around you. “thank you, thank you, thank you, dear. i am so grateful for you, and i know my son is too. thank you! i must get going, but i already stocked the fridge. you can go in. once again, thank you so much. our family owes you so much,” she cried. you rubbed her back. “oh, don’t say that. you don’t owe me anything. i’m just happy he’s alright,” you whispered.

that was the first truthful thing you said in that entire interaction.

when you entered the room, mrs. choi accompanied you. seungcheol was awake. he stared longingly out the window on the opposite side of the room away from the door. “honey, there’s someone here to see you,” mrs. choi called gently. you wanted to hide, so you tried to. partially behind her and you looked over her shoulder. seungcheol tried to adjust himself and he slowly turned over to look at his mother. “mom, i really didn’t want to see anyone-” he began, but his eyes met yours and he froze.

“oh come on, darling, it’s ___. she’s agreed to help out some. she cares about you,” she cooed. seungcheol looked like a child who got caught going through the cookie jar.

due to the dim light, you couldn’t really see that well, but you noticed the large soft cast that he had on his right leg. it looked like he was having a hard time breathing, that was the bruised lung. he had some cuts on his face that had already scabbed over, but you noticed some dark spots on his pillow, maybe he had been picking at them. he had a habit of picking at his scabs.

but the most striking thing to you was how pale he was. he looked like a ghost, which was strange since seungcheol loved to go outside to read or watch people. what had changed since you left? you noticed a wheelchair and a pair of crutches.

“mom, i- why did you call, ___? i told you she was busy,” seungcheol asked weakly. before his mom could nag him, you decided that you could save this entire situation from becoming more awkward than it needed to be. “cheol, don’t you remember? i came back yesterday, but i knew you were going to be busy with work,” you forced a smile. you thought you were going to throw up his mother grinned and squeezed your hand. she made her way over to seungcheol’s closet and started rummaging through it looking for something.

you looked back at seungcheol and it looked like he might cry. his eyes yelled at you, what are you doing here?

if you were honest you weren’t sure.

you saw mrs. choi out while she continued to thank you profusely for looking about for seungcheol. “of course, no need to worry. seungcheol is safe with me,” you assured.

“what would i do without you, ___? i hope someday you can join the family officially. i mean you’ve been dating seungcheol for over two years now,” she grinned hugging you.

yeah, i did too, you thought.

she left and instructed you to just heat something up that she left in the fridge. you locked the door behind you and made your way into the kitchen. you pulled out a tray of noodles and plated them. she left you a few tips about seungcheol so you decided to look at it.

he has work off, so no need to worry about driving him to work. once he is better and the doctors clear his concussion can start working from home.

please make sure he is eating three meals a day. he’s been acting differently and hasn’t been eating as much.

for showers, there’s a cover for the cast because he can’t get it wet. i set up a chair in his shower, so he should need minimal help in that area. maybe just changing.

pain medications are in the cabinet next to the fridge. dosage is two tablets every six hours. but, if he isn’t hurting that much give him one, or if he isn’t in any pain don’t worry about it.

he has a doctor’s appointment in a couple of weeks to see how his leg is healing is progressing.

thank you so much <3 call me if you need anything

you frowned at the second one. not eating well? seungcheol always ate well. this seemed pretty manageable. you had already called your supervisor, who approved your request to work remotely. you did have to lie and say you were taking care of a family member, but otherwise, it was a mostly truthful story.

when you put the sheet down, the microwave had finished and you brought the plate into seungcheol’s room. he wasn’t looking in your direction, instead, he was looking out the window. “seungcheol, i brought you dinner. your mom made it,” you announced. no response. you huffed and looked around the room. you didn’t want to push him, but you needed him to eat. “i know you’re not sleeping. you’ll heal faster if you eat. your mom needs you to eat,” you continued. yet, to no avail, he still stared out the window, body closed off to you. you sighed, you wished it didn’t have to come to this. “seungcheol, i need you to eat. please, for me,” you pleaded. there was a slight shift, but still no response. “well, i’ll just leave it here, but eat it soon. it’ll get cold,” you sighed, placing the plate on the nightstand where he could reach it.

why did you sign up for this? it wasn’t like you owed him anything. why didn’t you just tell his mom you were broken up? so many questions were flooding your mind, so you almost missed his whispered question. “what, did you say? i’m sorry, i missed it,” you asked, turning around from the door.

“do you- do you have something to eat?” he asked, breath labored.

something in your heart stuttered.

you silently nodded.

“that’s good,” was all he said.

it was almost 9:00 pm. you had your plate of food, and you thought it would be best to run over to your apartment to pick up some clothes and belongings, especially since you were supposed to live here for a while. you would run in and check with seungcheol and let him know you were leaving and then you’d be back in thirty minutes.

you knocked on the door, but no response. you hoped that it wasn’t going to be like this for the rest of his recovery. “i’m coming in, seungcheol,” you called opening the door.

but when you entered you were met with an empty bed. your eyebrows furrowed. you noticed the empty plate of his dinner. then you noticed his wheelchair was gone, and the faint glow of light from under the bathroom door.

you didn’t hear the shower running, so maybe he was just using the bathroom. yet, something in your gut told you otherwise. you made your way over to the bathroom door and pressed your ear against it. you heard quiet sniffling.

oh.

“seungcheol? are you in there?” you asked. dumb question, but you didn’t know what else to lead with. no response. “seungcheol, are you okay?” obviously not. “seungcheol, if you don’t answer me, i’m coming in.”

“no, please. please don’t come in,” he responded finally. “i’m fine.”

“no you’re not. i can help, seungcheol. let me help. what’s going on?” you called. there was a hesitation before he spoke, “i- i don’t know how to do this.”

“what is this?” you asked again for clarification.

“cleaning. i don’t know to do it with this thing on my leg.” that made sense. you already knew he was going to need help with that. you just wished he would’ve come to you first. “can i come in?” you hoped he would say yes.

“no,” he said.

“why not?”

“i don’t want you to see me like this.”

“this isn’t the time to act modest. i’m here to help.” there was a deep sigh on the other side of the door. finally, you heard some shuffling and the door was open. you walked in and took in your surroundings. seungcheol was without a shirt and pants. he sat slumped in his wheelchair as he quickly tried to wipe his tears. you saw some bruises that covered his abdomen. you also noticed how he looked skinnier. that must be why his mom wanted to make sure he was eating. the cover for his cast was sitting on the counter, so you grabbed it.

you knelt down next to him, he wasn’t looking at you. you looked into the shower and noticed the shower chair. “seungcheol, i’m gonna put a towel under you right now, so can you lift yourself up a little?” you said grabbing a towel to put onto the seat of the wheelchair. he did, and you tried your best to arrange it. “can you stand at all?” you asked. he huffed and pushed himself up, and used you as a brace.

you guided him into his walk-in shower and helped him sit down. you paused and looked at him closely. he looked so tired, which was expected, but there was something else there. you just couldn’t put your finger on it. “i need you to take off your underwear, unless you want to shower in them,” you directed. he glared at you and mumbled something. “what was that?” you asked.

“i don’t-” he began.

“now is not the time to be modest,” you chided.

“no! i don’t want you to see me like this! i don’t want you to see me all broken and bruised! it’s not right that my mother asked you to do this! just leave! i know you don’t want to be here, so just go. it’s already humiliating enough,” he heaved. you felt your jaw tighten and your fingers clawed at your sides. you didn’t want to respond to that, at least not at that moment. “take off your underwear, seungcheol,” you ordered, crossing your arms. he finally looked at you in your eyes, and he pushed his underwear off. you had to help him get it over his cast, but otherwise, it was seamless. next, you grabbed the cast cover which was essentially a glorified plastic bag, and slid it over his bandaged leg.

seungcheol’s eyes were downcast again, and he refused to acknowledge you. his shower head was detachable and handheld, so you took it down and placed it closer to him. he still wasn’t looking at you. although you really needed to get some stuff from your apartment, you could stay. when you started rolling up your sleeves on your work blouse and slipping out of your house slippers, seungcheol stared at you incredulously. you stepped into the shower and turned on the water. you made sure the head was facing the ground as you waited for it to warm up. “what are you doing?” he asked. he almost sounded angry, but that could be addressed later. you snatched the washcloth that was hanging on a hook inside the shower and found his shampoo and conditioner. he leaned over and grabbed your wrist, it wasn’t harsh or forceful, just him. “what are you doing?” he repeated.

“taking care of you,” you said shortly. “now close your eyes. tell me if it’s too hot.” he released your wrist and there was that look again. you had to figure out what that was about. you raised the shower head and soaked his hair, and promptly began to lather his shampoo into his hair. he seemed to relax at that. you ran your hands through his hair like you used to. he liked it when you tugged at his strands. it brought him a comfort he couldn’t describe. yet, his hair was shorter now, not the longer strands that you were used to. you wondered what made him cut it, but you knew now wasn’t the time to ask about it.

the rest of the shower went without any hitch. your hands running over the broad expanse of his back. something about that moment was so domestic, intimate, yet you knew you couldn’t have it the way you wanted it. the way you wanted him. so, you pushed it down, just like the way you did when you noticed him distancing himself from you and drowning himself in his work.

you helped him get into some clean clothes and bed after he brushed his teeth and dried his body. after you brought him his pain medication with a glass of water to stick next to his bed, you were about to go out and run to your apartment. he saw you rustling around in your bag that you left in his room. “what are you doing?” he asked.

“looking for my keys,” you replied.

“why?”

“so i can go home and grab some things. i’ll be working from home, i mean, i’ll be working here while i help you.” god, why did you call his apartment home? it hadn’t been your home for so long. “i’ll be back soon. i’ll be quiet when i come back so just sleep.”

“no, don’t go.”

“pardon?”

“don’t go.” he stared at you like a petulant child. was this a symptom of a concussion? “seungcheol, i have to go get some of my things. i don’t really want to sleep in my work clothes,” you tried to reason with the pouting man.

“you left some of your clothes. t-shirts and stuff. sweatpants. just wear that. it’s too late for you to leave now. it wouldn’t be safe,” he shrugged but winced. that was the bruised lung. you didn’t know you left your things over, if you did you would’ve made one more trip to pick them up.

but…

seungcheol didn’t throw out the clothes you left behind. was he stashing them in case he had another girl come over that needed to borrow clothes? was he saving them for a special time to burn them? why did he keep your clothes?

no matter, it was no use arguing with seungcheol, and you were tired. you hadn’t even had time to process the fact he had been in an accident, to begin with. “where?” you asked turning back around.

“in my closet, where your clothes usually are.” he looked at you like it was obvious. why would it be obvious? you wanted to scream. a normal person after a breakup usually burns the things their ex left behind, or they maybe just throw them out on the street. they don’t keep it in the same place in the closet. you breathed deeply to calm your mind. now was not the time to address the elephant in the room. “i’ll be getting a shower then,” you said, eyeing him suspiciously. he just nodded and turned to face the window.

the shower was uneventful other than the thousands of thoughts flowing through your mind. you hoped that they would leave you and flow down the drain. when you finally got out of the shower, you realized you would have to walk through seungcheol’s bedroom to get to the couch. hopefully, he was knocked out. you slid on the clothes that you had left there. it was an old sweatshirt and pajama bottoms, but it would get the job done for the night. the smelled like they were cleaned with his detergent, and you weren’t sure if you loved it or if you wanted it off of your body forever. you tried the best you could to open the door as quietly as possible, and it seemed to work. you were basically out the door without seungcheol waking up or noticing you. that is until he did. “where are you going?” he asked. you hung your head, your hand leaving the doorknob. “to the couch,” you replied.

“why?”

now, there was something seriously wrong with him. you glanced around the room, searching for an answer. “because i’m going to sleep on the couch,” you scrutinized him a bit further. he stared at you with the same confusion. he seemingly picked up on the mutual tension and confusion in the air, “i’ll sleep on the couch, you sleep here,” he clarified. you choked on air. he must have more than a concussion, he had amnesia of some sort because you don’t just let your ex sleep in your bed, especially after you had been in a serious accident.

you had to snap yourself out of the trance you were in before seungcheol could even attempt to get out of bed, which he was already in the process of trying. rushing over to him and pushing him back under the covers was more of a feat than you thought it was going to be. he seemed adamant about having you stay in his bed while he went to the couch. you were getting deja vu or something to the fights leading up to the end of your relationship.

“no, i’ll take the couch,” he had insisted.

“no, this is your home and your bed. i’ll just stay on the couch since you don’t want me to go to my apartment,” you had refused. “talk in the morning?”

“yeah sure.”

“no, you’re the guest here, i’ll take the couch,” he shrugged, once again trying to push himself up. you placed a hand on his shoulder. “seungcheol, i wasn’t the one in a car accident,” you reasoned. “you won’t be comfortable on the couch.”

“just- just let me do something for you,” he muttered under his breath. you don’t think you were supposed to hear it, but you did.

“the best thing you can do for me is to sleep in your own bed and heal.” his gaze lifted and looked at yours. he looked utterly exhausted, and to be honest, you probably looked the same. he inhaled deeply and sat back against his headrest in concession. you smiled at him and before you could stop yourself, you ran your hand through his hair which he happily accepted. “good night, seungcheol,” you said.

“good night,” he replied sounding more at ease. in another lifetime, there would be more to this than a simple good night, but in this lifetime it was different. so much different than you ever hoped for.

“i love you, cheol.”

“i love you too, ___.”

the crick in your back was going to be the death of you, but oh well, you already called into work and took the next week off before you started working remotely. minjeong was surprised that you even agreed to this in the first place. “___, he was an asshole to you,” she pointed out over the phone. you were currently lugging your stuff down the hall to seungcheol’s apartment, phone dangerously stuck between your shoulder and cheek. “he wasn’t an asshole,” you argued. for some reason, the need to defend seungcheol still ran through your veins.

“he was, ___. he was,” minjeong sighed. you knew that she was right, but you needed to believe that the breakup was caused all just a big misunderstanding and move on. “i’ve got to go, minnie,” you sighed reaching seungcheol’s doorway.

“___, don’t- ugh, don’t do anything you’ll regret. he didn’t treat you right. he wasn’t toxic, but he was definitely neglectful to you,” she groaned.

“it’s not like i’m going to crawl back to him. i’m just helping him.”

“but why should you?”

seungcheol had some bad habits, and it didn’t always end up well for you.

“cheol, what are you-” you were promptly cut off when seungcheol pressed his lips against yours with an energy that felt unfamiliar. it was just the average evening, so you didn’t understand why he was kissing you like that. not that he had to have a reason to kiss you, it’s just that it hadn’t happened in so long. you had been with him long enough to know how passionate he was about, well, everything. but, this felt different. not saying it was bad. you craved him being this close for weeks, and he was finally in your grasp. his hands were planted firmly on your waist and he moved you to where he pleased. “come on, baby, just let me feel you,” he smiled against your lips.

call you touch-starved (which you were), but you couldn’t help melting into him. this was the most attention you had felt from him in so long. “cheol, please,” you gasped as his lips traveled down your neck. he pulled you infinitely closer and you let him. yet, something was nagging at you. your stomach began to drop as his hands began to slide under your shirt. sinking suspicions started to bubble up through your heart. “cheol, kiss me,” you begged, not wanting your thoughts to be true. he hummed and obliged. he pressed his lips against yours in this new fervor. the heat between you was becoming unbearable as your suspicion was correct.

beer.

the faint taste of it lingered on his tongue, and it made you want to throw up. for the first time in who knows how long, he touches you like he’s never done before but only because he’s intoxicated. great. you pushed him away. “did you drive home by yourself?” you asked gazing into his tired eyes.

“no, i had joshua drop me off,” he murmured, hands still not leaving your skin, but that’s all you wanted him to do. just get off of me, is what you wanted to yell. how dare you come here drunk and treat me better than you ever have sober for the past months, is what you wanted to scream. “i think it’s time for you to go to bed, cheol,” you opted for instead. he shook his head still grasping at you. “don’t touch me anymore, seungcheol,” you hissed, swatting his hand away and pulling him to his bathroom.

she didn’t sound angry, just exasperated. she had a point. there was no reason why you should offer your help to him. seungcheol never made time for you when you were together, why were you making time for him yet again? it was major deja vu. “look, he wasn’t nice to me, yes. i hated him for a long time, maybe i still do. but, his mom called me, so i feel like i’m doing it for her. not for him,” you attempted to justify. minjeong scoffed. it was a deserved scoff, but it didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. minjeong was there when things ended with seungcheol, so she would know the entire situation from the most unbiased, well sort of unbiased, outside position. she was your friend, and it was only natural for her to want to protect you. you couldn’t fault her for that. “i just want what’s best for you, and i’m not convinced helping him through recovery is the best plan,” she sighed.

“i know. you know he hurt me, i won’t let it happen again. i have no intention of getting back with him. you’re right. he was an asshole. i’ve got to go. talk later?” you asked carefully reaching for the spare set of keys his mom gave you.

“let me kick his ass if he hurts you again.”

“i will.”

“talk later! i’m going to miss you at work. love you!”

“love you too.”

after you successfully hung up without dropping your bags, phone, or keys, you opened the door to the kitchen light on. that’s weird. you were pretty sure you left it off when you went to get your stuff. you kicked off your shoes and made your way into to kitchen, your luggage bag dragging behind you.

you were greeted by seungcheol attempting to push himself up from his wheelchair to wash some fruit in the sink. “seungcheol! what are you doing?” you rushed to his side. he glanced over his shoulder at you. he sort of gave you some dumb look like he didn’t know what was wrong. “you shouldn’t be pushing yourself like this,” you chided. “i can wash these. you need to go back to bed. you should rest.”

“i think i can handle washing some fruit,” he scoffed slumping down in a chair. you rolled your eyes. “it’s not about washing fruit, i know you’re perfectly capable of washing fruit. you were in a car accident a few days ago. you shouldn’t be pushing yourself to get up,” you explained. he just mumbled something under his breath and tried to maneuver his way out of the kitchen. you watched him carefully as he made his way back into his room, and you heard him sigh when he shut the door behind him.

you had a sinking feeling that this was going to be a long recovery process, for the both of you.

it once again time for seungcheol to go to the doctor. the past few weeks had been back and forth to doctor’s appointments. his concussion was going down. to say things were going well would be a stretch. seungcheol barely spoke to you. you didn’t necessarily expect him to be buddy-buddy with you, but it was strange. he always tried to avoid looking at you. you weren’t sure what you did to deserve this treatment, after all, he was the one who broke up with you.

sleeping on the couch for the past weeks was not ideal. working from seungcheol’s home office was not ideal either. it was weird getting on video calls when you were so used to walking to meetings with minjeong. seungcheol tried his best to not disturb you, but sometimes he would knock on the door and sheepishly ask you for help with something.

the drive to the doctor’s and the check-up itself were uneventful. his leg was healing nicely, and they even decided it was time for a boot, which was great because you could tell he was getting sick of sitting down all the time. “well, mr. choi, it looks like your lung is looking a lot better based off of the scans, and according to your…” dr. hwang paused looking in your direction. seungcheol looked at you briefly like was afraid of what you were going to say.

you weren’t necessarily worried about getting kicked out because you weren’t immediate family, but for some reason, you chose against saying you were his friend. “i’m his girlfriend,” you bit the bullet. you hoped it didn’t seem too unnatural when you said it. you saw seungcheol’s ears perk up, but he still didn’t address you.

dr. hwang looked between the two of you seemingly wanting to say something but didn’t. “ah, i see. well you’ve been taking amazing care of mr. choi. according to your girlfriend, you seem to have an easier time breathing. she also said you’re reporting less pain in your head. this is good, since we usually expect swelling and inflammation from a concussion goes down pretty quickly. your concussion should be largely gone by next week, but i would advise against going back to work for some time. you can start walking on this as soon as you feel comfortable, until then use crutches. but, don’t drive until i give you the okay,” dr. hwang rambled, turning back to his computer.

you could tell seungcheol was excited, maybe he was excited that you would be leaving soon. your stomach sank at the thought, but you didn’t know why. seungcheol barely spoke to you, he couldn’t even look you in the eye most of the time. so, why did you feel bad about the thought of leaving him? you were snapped out of your thoughts when you realized dr. hwang had asked you a question. “um, if you could give me a moment alone with mr. choi, that would be great. i can take him out front once we’re done,” dr. hwang fiddled with his pen as he addressed you.

“yeah, of course. i’ll uh, i’ll just be in the waiting room.

after what seemed like an eternity, the two of them came out. dr. hwang smiled at you, and seungcheol looked nervous, finally putting a little weight on his foot with the help of some crutches. “thank you so much, dr. hwang. you’ve been so helpful,” you smiled at him. dr. hwang reciprocated it and patted seungcheol on the back. “mr. choi, look out for yourself. i’ll see you in a few weeks,” he said. seungcheol nodded.

the ride home was quiet, as always. by now you had grown used to it. when you arrived at seungcheol’s apartment and parked the car, he grabbed your hand before you could leave. “do you want to watch a movie tonight?” he asked. hold on, what? ��we can order some take out or something.” maybe dr. hwang was wrong. maybe the swelling in his brain was actually worse.

your lack of response must’ve freaked seungcheol out. “we don’t have to! i was just thinking it could be a celebratory thing,” he tried to backtrack.

“no! i’d love- no, i mean, i’d like to watch a movie tonight. that would be nice,” you rushed to cut him off. your heart fluttered at the notion of watching a movie with seungcheol. maybe you could pretend just a little longer…

“what?” minjeong exclaimed. she was not happy with the current situation.

“minnie, when he asked me if i wanted to watch a movie with him my heart fluttered. what’s wrong with me?” you cried, flopping against the couch, turning down the volume on speaker phone. seungcheol had left to get showered and changed. luckily, you didn’t have to help him much with that anymore. “you’re still in love with him, ___,” minjeong sighed. “i feared this would happen. you cannot let him get in your head! remember how he treated you before! just yesterday he wasn’t even speaking with you, he’s probably just manipulating you or something.”

you couldn’t fathom him doing that. sure, he neglected you in your relationship, but he was never manipulative. “i don’t-” you began, but you were promptly cut off.

“you don’t get it, ___! you’re in a vulnerable state because you still love him and you’ve been waiting hand and foot to him, so he sees this as an opportunity to make something out of nothing.”

“if i love him, how is it nothing?”

“because you’re going to make it nothing. you can’t just let yourself fall back into his lap because he decided he wanted a movie night!”

“i don’t think it’s that easy.”

“you’re right, it’s not. that’s why you need to wrap up business there and get back to your life. your life where you can be free and meet whoever you want. where you don’t have to worry about the asshole who treated you like shit.”

“he didn’t treat me like shit.”

“he treated you like you barely even existed.”

you knew she wasn’t trying to be mean, but it did feel like she was opening an old wound.

so much for that dinner you made. the time you wasted was eating at you as you picked through the remnants of your food. it was your first day off in a while and you hoped to spend some of it with your boyfriend before having to go back to work the next day.

it was your bad to even think seungcheol would be home at the time he had said. you stared at seungcheol’s now cold meal. for the fifth time, you flipped your phone over to see what time it was. 11:47 pm and no word from him. you sighed and went to clear your plate. you wrapped up seungcheol’s meal and put it in the fridge. after all, he would be hungry when he got home.

“hello? ___, are you still with me?” minjeong snapped you out of your thoughts.

“yeah, sorry,” you rushed out. “look, i think seungcheol is almost out of the shower. i’ve got to go. i’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

“i’m sorry if i come off too cold.” she sounded like she was regretting what she said earlier. she knew how to read you like a book even if it was just over a phone call. “it’s alright. you’re my best friend, i know you wouldn’t do anything to intentionally hurt me. now, i have to go now, for real this time,” you chuckled and hung up after you said goodbye to her.

you jumped a mile when you heard a clanking noise behind you. when you whipped around you saw seungcheol standing there, eyes wide, you felt something stir in your chest. he was leaning on a crutch with his leg wrapped in the bandages. he told dr. hwang that he wouldn’t wear the boot to bed. dr. hwang was reluctant but relented since the break was healing nicely and the boot wasn’t needed at night. his hair was damp, a plain white t-shirt clung to his body, and pajama pants hung loosely off his hips. something about this image looked so familiar, yet so distant.“sorry,” he mumbled leaning over to pick up the bowl he dropped, surprisingly it didn’t shatter on the hardwood floor. “no, wait, i’ll get it,” you said, pushing forward, frowning at the precarious nature of his stance. he straightened up and watched you pick up the bowl. “how long were you standing there? i could’ve helped,” you asked turning to go place the bowl in the sink.

“not long,” he rubbed the back of his neck, averting his eyes. “do you still want to watch a movie with me?” you nodded quietly and made your way to the couch. he followed behind and landed on the couch with a thud. “what do you want to watch?” you asked flipping the tv on.

“um, i’m not sure. i haven’t watched a lot of movies lately.” he shrugged. this was going to be harder than expected. instead of attempting to engage in this painful discussion, you opted to start scrolling through one of seungcheol’s million streaming apps.

you scrolled through movie after movie with varying enthusiasm levels from seungcheol. “stop, let’s just watch this one,” he suddenly said. if you were being honest, you stopped paying attention to the movie titles a long time ago. so when you saw “the notebook” as the selected movie, your jaw slackened. “you want to watch this?” you asked, making sure he meant that.

“i mean, i remembered when you showed me it, and i rewatched it recently. i really like it nowadays,” he said nonchalantly. you had shown him “the notebook” a long time ago. you had to beg him to watch it, and you remembered how he ended up crying by the conclusion. but now, it was strange to hear that he enjoyed the movie. not only that, but he remembered that you showed him the film. it was years ago, and he remembered. “okay, yeah, let’s watch it,” you said pressing play.

you were getting major deja vu while you watched it. seungcheol was curled up next to you, and somehow you found yourself curled up next to him. this hardly happened when you were together, and it made your heart hurt that it was happening after you had broken up. was a car accident what you needed to be close to him? you didn’t need to think about it now, not when you could smell his shampoo and fabric softener. it was so familiar, but you knew you couldn’t get too comfortable. after all, you weren’t his anymore, and he wasn’t interested. yet, something was scratching at the back of your throat. an urge. a desire. a feeling you thought was better to push down.

the movie was long over, but seungcheol had drifted off to sleep about twenty minutes before the movie ended. you didn’t have the heart to wake him, so you let him rest for a while before you lightly shook him awake. his eyes fluttered open and held your gaze with an expression you couldn’t pinpoint. “alright, sleeping beauty, time to get you into bed,” you smiled softly involuntarily running a hand through his hair. he seemingly leaned into your touch while looking around. “is the movie over? why didn’t you wake me?” he asked. you just shushed him quietly and helped him up. he held onto your shoulders and let you guide him to his bed. after a bit of work, you got him under the covers and on his pillow. when you moved to get up, his hand shot out and grasped your wrist. your neck whipped back at him. “what’s wrong?” you quizzed.

“stay,” is all he said, eyes closing.

you sighed. you couldn’t give in to him. you had set your boundaries, you were here to help that’s all. but, the longer you were with him, you realized the reasons why you hated him melted away within hours of being around him more. minjeong needed to be here to snap you out of it. “of course, he’s being nice to you now. don’t forget why you broke up in the first place,” she would’ve said. yet, she wasn’t here, and you were weak for him. as much as you would like to deny it, you knew you’d always crawl back to him. in this life and the next.

there couldn’t be any harm in staying with him, right? it was just one night. he wouldn’t try anything. he wasn’t like that. he didn’t even feel that way for you anymore. he definitely didn’t seem too bothered when you gave in and slid under the covers with him. to your surprise when you started to situate yourself, you felt his arms wrap under your body and pull you to the opposite side of the bed. just like old times. he always insisted to sleep closest to the door. he had told you it was a win-win for the both of you. he could have the comfort of feeling like he was protecting you, and you got the nice view out of his window on the opposite side of the room. you assured him back then that you didn’t need protection, but you never fought with him to switch positions.

you had grown used to his arm around your waist each night, and after you broke up you longed for his presence. you had cuddled your pillows and called minjeong. everything and anything to keep your mind off the empty space in your bed. so, now when you felt his arm wrap around you and his body pressed against yours, you froze. why did the thing you wanted for the past seven months cause you so much discomfort? being this close to him was like stepping into the salty waves at the beach with a cut you thought healed. your eyes began to sting, and you pleaded with your heart to not start shaking your body. you naturally moved closer to him when his grip became tighter around your waist, but your heart cried for the rest of the night.

when you woke up, you surprised yourself realizing you had a dreamless night. your chest hurt, but your eyes were dry. you turned over and noticed seungcheol’s side of the bed was empty. his boot was gone, so he must’ve put it on. you didn’t hear anything coming from the kitchen right outside the room, albeit his apartment was quite small and his living room was right there too. you slid on a hoodie and made your way out of his room to find where he went. maybe he was just as freaked out as you were, so maybe he just left to get some air. if you were him, you probably would’ve done to same. you wanted to kick yourself for falling into his lap again. maybe he regretted inviting you to stay, and now he was disgusted with himself for letting his ex sleep in the same bed as him again. your rational mind told you that wasn’t true. he wasn’t like that. yet, that’s what you told yourself when he show up late to numerous dates or just forget to message you.

you heard quiet arguing as soon as you stepped out of his room. you looked down to the front door and saw seungcheol leaning against the doorframe. his body wedged between the door and doorframe, effectively blocking your view of who was there. you quietly shuffled forward, trying not to startle him. “i just don’t understand why you’re here?” seungcheol asked, almost sounding stern.

“i’m just dropping off some paperwork,” the person on the other side of the door said. the voice sounded familiar, but you couldn’t put your finger on it. “how’d you know where she was?” seungcheol grilled, sounding more frustrated with every passing second.

“look, dude, i’m just here to drop off some stuff from work. minjeong told me,” the guy tried again to reason with seungcheol. you recognized seungcheol’s tone, he got like that whenever he was jealous, but you couldn’t fathom why he would be jealous. you looked past seungcheol and saw changkyun standing there with a case file in hand. “oh my god, seungcheol, stop it. this is changkyun from work,” you nudged seungcheol to the side trying not to surprise him, but you were still upset he was berating your work friend.

“oh, hey, ___. minjeong sent me with these files. let me or minjeong know if you need anything else,” changkyun smiled at you. “i’ll let you go, you seem- um- preoccupied. but, we miss you at the office,” he glanced at seungcheol who was scowling at the ground.

“yeah, sorry about that. thank you for bringing this around. this is super helpful. i was getting tired of reading pdfs,” you laughed. “i’ll see you later.” changkyun nodded and left without another word. you shut the door and brushed past seungcheol. you heard an audible huff behind you but ignored it. after you dropped off the case of files in the office, breakfast was seemingly the best option for you.

seungcheol was already in the kitchen leaning against the fridge. it was highly inconvenient given you needed to get in there for some fruit. however, he wasn’t moving. “what are you doing?” you asked crossing your arms. he didn’t respond, just looking anywhere but at you. “what’s going on with you? what was with that attitude with changkyun?” you grilled, but you were only met with a scoff. now, that was weird. he sounded jealous, but there was nothing to be jealous of. “what’s wrong with you?” you frowned.

“why does it matter?” he mocked. you squinted your eyes at him. compared to last night’s situation, this was an entirely different person. “why does it matter? it’s just weird that he’d show up here unannounced,” seungcheol shrugged.

“he was here because minjeong sent him,” you stared him down.

“why couldn’t she come then? just seems like it’s a cover for him to see you. you didn’t tell me you were talking with someone else.”

“because i’m not talking to changkyun. i’m not talking to anyone. but, why does this matter so much to you? it’s not like he came in the house and started wrecking anything. he just dropped some stuff off.”

“we miss you at the office.”

“what?”

“that’s what he said.”

“i’m not following.”

seungcheol sighed and pushed himself off the fridge and over to his chair, groaning and stretching his leg once he was sitting. “god, ___, don’t be blind. he’s obviously into you,” he laughed humorlessly. now you were even more confused. “so what if he is? i’m not,” you shrugged, opening the fridge to get your fruit and yogurt.

“yeah, sure. whatever, that’s not the point,” seungcheol huffed again.

“then what is the point?”

“that he tried to come here and flirt with you when i’m right here!” he finally snapped. “it’s embarrassing! he looked at me with all this pity when i opened the door. i don’t want his pity. then you come around the corner, and he’s smiling ear to ear.” seungcheol looked like he was about to cry. you wanted to say something, but all you could was look at him, confused. “you pity me too. everyone does!” he rambled. “it’s so humiliating. and, and, i’m sure that you’d be happier at the office where he is. he’s more handsome than i am, and i’m sure he’s smarter and kinder than me. you deserve to go out and just leave me here. you don’t even want to be here. i see the way you look at me. it’s not the same way i look at you, so i couldn’t possibly as you to stay. why don’t you just go date a guy like that? i’m sure he can treat you better than- than me.”

you stood there dumbfounded. your heart ached for seungcheol, but you couldn’t stop the boiling anger in your stomach. how could he possibly think so lowly of himself? did he not see how you were still so infatuated with him? did he not realize the reason why you hadn’t talked to anyone new was because of him? and for him to accuse you of pitying him, after all the care you put into helping him get better. to accuse you of not wanting to be there, with him. you wouldn’t haven’t been here if you didn’t care. you knew you cared too much for seungcheol, for someone who you knew didn’t even care about you. what made him any different from back when you were dating?

“you’re so cruel,” you whispered, grabbing your food and heading to the office.

there was radio silence for the next few hours. you would occasionally hear something, but seungcheol never knocked or tried to come in. the tip-toeing around each other was killing you. it felt awfully familiar to when seungcheol became distant from you before the two of you broke up. work was monotonous and nothing was holding your attention. all you could think about was what seungcheol said. you didn’t realize he felt that way about himself, or you for that matter. it hurt, and it hurt even more to wallow in it when he was right on the other side of the door.

you couldn’t be the same person you were seven months ago. pushing down your concerns, hoping they would pass. they wouldn’t, you knew that, unless you talked to him. he would be getting better soon, and you could put this in the past. you could leave again once this was all over, never to look back. you couldn’t take another heartbreak because of him again.

so your resolve broke and you pushed yourself out of the office chair and went to find seungcheol.

he remembered the day you left like it was yesterday. he heard you gather some things from your room and left without another word. “yeah, i guess so,” he muttered to himself angrily. “you’re such an idiot,” he continued. he didn’t even understand why he said that to you. it was uncalled for, especially given you wanted to talk about your strained relationship. he knew he was distant, but he didn’t know what else to do. so, he pushed it down until he couldn’t take it anymore, well, until you couldn’t take it anymore.

not having you around the apartment for the first few weeks felt like torture. he had drafted and re-written several messages to you and even considered calling, but he never pulled through with any of it. his mind was constantly unfocused on his work. the work he sacrificed everything for. the work he tried so hard to keep up to help you, help the both of you. he couldn’t bring himself to eat as much as he usually did, when the pit of his stomach was killing him from the inside out.

now that you were gone he constantly tried to take his mind off of you. he couldn’t let a breakup disorient him like this. he had broken up with other people before, but never like this. he couldn’t stop replaying everything that went wrong in his mind, everything he could’ve done to stop it. maybe if he put up a fight you would’ve stayed. but, he didn’t fight at all. he cowered at the suggestion of breaking up, and instead of facing it, he fled and accepted fate. waves of uncertainty lapped at his feet and eventually, the waters rose until it was unbearable. if you wanted to break up with him then that’s what would happen, no matter what ran through his mind and heart.

no matter the fact he had a little velvet box in the bottom of his sock drawer.

he was going to a party. he said he would buy alcohol, so he did. while he was driving he felt something shift within him. he thought about all the parties he had taken you to, and how all parties with you there were so much more bearable. all he could think about was how bored he would be. he loved his friends, but something was missing if you weren’t also there sharing a drink or discussion with him. yet, he let joshua convince him to come out. joshua had told him not to drown in any more work. joshua saw how the work was wearing down his friend, and he couldn’t take it anymore. so, seungcheol was going to a party he didn’t particularly want to attend, but he was getting there, even if he felt himself push the accelerator down more than he should.

but something stopped him from going to the party, and now he felt like he was floating above his body. he felt waves wash over him, and when they retreated he felt cold and vulnerable. he felt dazed and had a throbbing pain in his head, leg, and heart. he remembered the beating rain against his windshield and feeling the tires give out on him. he remembered your smile and your fingers running through his then-long hair. you told him everything was going to be alright, and he believed you. then, there was a rhythmic beeping next to him, some rustling by him, and your voice was gone. his head hurt too much, but he forced his eyes open.

in some sort of last-ditch effort of hope, he thought it could be you. you could be there fixing some magazines in the room or adjusting the blinds. yet, he opened his eyes and he didn’t see you there, just a nurse organizing some of the tubes next to him. seungcheol tried turning his head around, groaning. the nurse noticed and left to go get someone. maybe it could be you. no, that wouldn’t make sense. it couldn’t be you, and it wasn’t. it was his mother. she cried and asked him if he was alright. she asked where you were and what he was doing, but he didn’t have a good response to any of her questions. when she started to pry about you, he realized he had forgotten to mention the fact you were broken up. she had called soon after it ended because it was time for her to call her son, but he went into auto-pilot and told her you were fine, and he just never got around to telling her the truth. she loved you, and he knew that.

he definitely couldn’t do it then. it would break her, just like it broke him.

when he saw you standing at the door behind his mother, he wanted to burst into tears, but it would probably hurt his lung. besides, he didn’t need you to see how broken up about it he was. everything hurt, but it only hurt more when he saw you. you looked gorgeous, and your voice was like music to his ears. what if you had a boyfriend? the thought flashed through his mind. any person would be lucky to date you, but the idea caused his stomach to roll.

your hair looked so pretty too, but your clothes looked like a mess. he hoped he didn’t cause you too much worry. yet, he was worried now. his lie was going to be exposed. he saw the way you looked at him, helpless and injured. you wouldn’t spare him, not after what he did. his mom was talking to you just like everything was normal, but he saw the look on your face. you were confused and probably angry. he knew you, and he knew you would correct his mom as soon as you could. so when she backed away and went to get something from the closet, he couldn’t tell what you were thinking, and that scared him.

the last thing he expected was for you to agree and help. he also expected you to correct his mother when she went on and on about how you were his girlfriend and how she knew how much you loved each other. he could sense your discomfort anytime he was around, so he made himself scarce and tried not to be a bother. what you were doing was already such a help to him, and he had no idea how he was ever going to repay you.

he recalled when you pushed him around in his wheelchair at the supermarket, and all he wanted to do was disappear. it was his first visit to the store for a while, and there was something especially embarrassing about having your ex push you around the market, even if they didn’t know he had broken your heart. he didn’t know why he agreed to come. he would feel your hands brush past his shoulders as you would reach to grab something before dropping it in the shopping basket sitting in his lap. the tiny bit of contact from you had him going insane. he wanted to apologize for having you here, for his mom calling, for lying, for breaking your heart. he was scared, that if he opened his mouth, his heart would betray him and he’d say something that would make you run away again. but, he knew it wasn’t the time for that, so whenever your fingers graze his shoulder he swallowed whatever apology or confession (whichever came out first) down until it reached the bottom of his heart.

you were wheeling him past the bakery and he saw the sweet milk bread he would always get as a treat on weekends. maybe you could share it again like you used to, but he doubted it. though, before he could process it, he was clearing his throat. you paused and he sensed you looking at him. “uh-,” he paused, coughing. “can, can we get the milk bread over there?” he asked. you looked around to where he was motioning. you saw it. he felt you pause. maybe he shouldn’t have asked. “it’s no big deal, actually. it was a dumb request. never-” he rambled but all of a sudden your hands brushed over his shoulders and you walked over to the table where the freshly baked bread was packaged. you inspected one and brought it back, placing it gently on the top of seungcheol’s basket. “do you need anything else?” you asked, quietly standing behind him again. he shook his head.

for the first few weeks, it was awkward and humiliating. he couldn’t bear you at his beck and call. he could barely even talk to you, too embarrassed. he needed to get out of the wheelchair as soon as possible. he willed his body to heal faster, so then maybe the pain that festered in his chest would go away. one night, he woke up and he was parched. he had run out of water, he must’ve forgotten to get more before he went to bed. he also noticed his stomach was growling. he had refused to eat anything for dinner. once again, his bad. it reminded him of the time when he would come home late to a dark home. he was starving, but he knew you had eaten. you had long gone to bed, but he smelled the food you cooked. he looked in the fridge and saw his helping there. he sighed. he knew it was your day off that day, but he couldn’t seem to draw himself away from his work. got too distracted.

so, he needed water and food, but to get there he would have to get out of his room and into the kitchen. specifically, he needed to get past you on the couch without waking you. pushing himself out of bed, he reached for his crutches. he got them secured under his arms and made his way out of his open door. you had insisted on keeping it open, so you could hear him if he needed anything. but, he saw the way you walked into his room deflated, leaving his dinner on his bedside table, cleaning the barely touched food an hour later, and retreating to the couch to sleep after a presumably hard day at work. he wouldn’t be able to bear it if he woke you up now.

he stepped as lightly as he could given his situation, but you were out like a light. he contained a chuckle seeing you all curled up on his couch. though, he did feel bad. the couch was no place to sleep for a long time. if only he could share his bed with you and not make it weird… he quietly ate a protein bar and got a glass of milk. he watched from the kitchen how smooth your breathing was. he frowned when you began to toss and turn. he wiped his mouth and moved over to you. after resting his crutches on the floor, he sat on the ottoman in from of the couch, closest to your head. he leaned forward and watched your troubled expression. sometimes he would press a kiss on your forehead, but that would be entirely inappropriate. yet, he couldn’t do anything while he watched this perfect person in front of him suffer.

so, his hand was reaching forward and caressing your cheek before he knew it. your skin felt amazing under his fingertips. he missed holding your hand, hugging you from behind, and kissing your lips. he wondered how he could’ve messed up this horribly. he felt your breath even out, and he noticed how your brow un-furrowed. gently pulling back his hand, he smiled and made his way back to his room. it was only then after he crossed the doorway, he realized what he had done. the clear boundary he had tried to maintain melted within those twenty minutes of him getting a midnight snack. he didn’t deserve the treatment he was getting from you. he wished you would yell and scream at him for what he did. resentment. he yearned for you to resent him, but no, you had to come and be the amazing person you were. he couldn’t let himself feel this close to you again.

but, he broke his promise. just like he always did. he invited you to sleep in his bed after a movie night he suggested. after offering, he realized he probably shouldn’t have offered the movie in the first place, but hindsight is 20-20. it felt too inappropriate, unspeakable even. especially, after he caught what minjeong was saying to you before you turned on the movie. he shouldn’t have eavesdropped, but minjeong was yelling on the other side of the phone and no matter how much you could turned down the volume, he still would’ve heard it.

“he treated you like you barely even existed,” minjeong had said.

now, he didn’t want to believe that, but he knew it was true. working longer hours, barely seeing you, and coming home at odd hours of the night were all factors which were purely his fault. he could’ve requested time off, but he didn’t. it was his ambition that blinded him. the thought that if he worked hard enough now, he could be with you more later. but, he had forgotten he wasn’t the only person in the equation, and you only had so much patience. the patience he had wrongfully wasted.

your back was turned to him. he didn’t know why it hurt so much given the situation. being face-to-face in bed would be too intimate. too dangerous. yet, that’s all he wanted. he longed to feel your body next to his, to know that what was once shared between you was still there. so, he took a risk. he reached forward and pressed his chest against your back, his arm wrapped securely around your waist.

he waited and waited for you to pull away, and much to his surprise, you never did. you stayed in his arms like old times, but he knew it couldn’t be like that. he didn’t know if he could ever have you like this again. the recovery period of you taking care of him was painful on a multitude of levels. he was giving you space since he already felt like a burden, and it appeared to him like he was the plague. it was for the best, but he still wanted to hold you and kiss you to show his thanks. all he could do was say thank you and quietly retreat back into his mind. so, he held you like it was the last time, which it likely was, and he fell into a deeper, quieter sleep for the first time in weeks. the waves retreated and did not come back for the rest of the night.

who was this guy standing at his door? why were you smiling so widely at this guy? why was this guy smiling so widely back at you? did he just sleep in the same bed with you when you had a boyfriend? so many questions, and so little patience left on his end. this guy was so handsome, with a sharp nose and intense eyes. he could see how you could go to someone like that, someone completely opposite of him. any hope of last night not being a one-off thing leaving his mind. the guy glanced over at him and gave him a look he was all too familiar with. the old ladies at the supermarket gave him this look. his mother gave him this look. even you sometimes. he was broken and mangled and people loved to look. so, to hide their nosiness, they concealed it with concern and pity. he hated that. sometimes you would do it, and he wanted to rip his hair out. he hated it when you would generate idle conversation or say his name like some sort of swear word. what ever happened to being your cheol?

the doubt came flooding back into his mind, and he was lost in the sea of his own thoughts again. the waves were back, and he didn’t know how to keep them at bay. the tide was coming in stronger, and he could feel every brick he had built crumble under the pressure. when could this conversation be over?

he didn’t mean to lash out at you and your work friend. it was the waves. the waves that splashed into his face. the water that fell into his throat and choked him. he had to spit it out or it was going to drown him. every little thing he had hidden away came out. the confessions, insecurities, and everything else that held him back now and back then. he just needed to get it out before the waves came crashing in on him again when you would inevitably leave.

“you’re so cruel,” you had said, and you were right. he was. how could he be so cruel to one of the only people who ever showed him unconditional kindness? it was over, and he knew it.

all of his memories felt disjointed. almost as if someone had glued them together into a scrapbook. you were trying so hard to follow what he was telling you. the entire time he refused to look at you. his hands were clasped together, face flushed. “i suppose that was a long winded way to say i’m sorry,” he said finally looking at you for the first time. “i’m sorry for treating you so horribly when we were together, and even now. i’m sorry for standing you up and coming home drunk. you’re right, i am cruel, and i will never forgive myself for how i treated you,” he sighed, rubbing his eyes.

you knew he had problems with anxiety and doubt, but you never thought it was this bad. you were mad at him, but you wished he had told you. told you about how he felt like he was drowning everywhere he went. “seungcheol, i-” you began but he cut you off.

“i understand if you want to leave. i can just have joshua take me to physical therapy and my appointments. i’ve asked you to stay for too long. it wasn’t right of me. if anything, i owe you so much. you shouldn’t have to be forced to be anywhere you don’t want to be,” he said.

you stared at him. you had never seen him so defeated. when you came to talk to him, you didn’t expect him to be the one prepared with an apology. you just wanted to talk, but now that you began piecing together the things he told you. you realized how much he did care. he saw the food you made for him. he saw the effort you put in. for some reason, that just made you feel a little better. you always felt like he didn’t see you, but he did. this entire time. “what if i want to be here?” you asked, meeting his gaze. his eyes flickered between your eyes and your lips. “then, i would ask you to stay. i would promise to treat you the way you deserve. i would make every wrong i made right with you,” he confessed, moving closer to you on the couch. he reached forward and grabbed your hand. “i'm sorry for being such an asshole to you. i would apologize every second of every day.anything to get you to trust me again,” he continued. “anything so i can be yours.”

your heart felt full. it was healing. for some reason, you believed him. minjeong would probably yell at you for “falling for his trap,” but you had a feeling he was telling the truth, that he wasn’t going to mess it up again. “then, let’s start over,” you smiled, eyes welling up. he lifted a hand and gently wiped the tears that threatened to fall with his thumb. “gladly,” he smiled. you pulled your hand away from the one he was grasping at, and extended it to him. “i’m ___, nice to meet you,” you smiled. he grinned, glancing between your face and your outstretched hand. “nice to meet you too. i’m seungcheol,” he said clasping your hands together. he felt the waves were receding, and by the look on your face, you felt it too.

you were out shopping for what felt like the fourth time this week. you just kept forgetting something on your list that honestly couldn’t wait until the next week. then your phone began to ring. you slid it out of your pocket and answered it. “what am i forgetting?” you asked as soon as the line connected.

“nothing, i was just wondering if you could get some milk bread,” the voice on the other side of the phone asked. you laughed quietly to yourself. “what’s the occasion?” you joked.

“it’s the weekend, and i love you,” seungcheol said. you felt your heart soar. you sighed happily and made your way over to the milk bread. you were still on the line with him, and you could hear him humming. maybe now was the time you brought it up. “so, you want the same kind from the bakery, right?” you asked, stalling.

“of course,” he scoffed. “the fresh ones from the bakery are obviously superior to the ones that one brand makes.” it was funny since he said it like it was obvious. you hummed and placed one of the loaves in your cart. “is there anything else?” you asked. you heard seungcheol shifting around. “nope, that should be all for me,” he replied.

“everything i’m getting is for you,” you rolled your eyes. he chuckled. you continued to chat with him as you walked through the store, picking up a few leftover things. you decided it would be a good time to end the call when you got to the register, but not before you brought it up. “look, cheol, i’m at the register, so i’ll have to go,” you said, getting in line.

“oh, okay, sounds good. i’ll see you at home?” he asked to confirm.

“yes, after i get back, though, can we talk about that red velvet box in your sock drawer?” you smirked.

“yeah, sure of co- wait! how do you know about that?” seungcheol took a second to process what you had told him. he sounded frantic on the other side of the phone, and it made you laugh. “oh, looks like the line is moving, i’ve got to go! we’ll talk more when i get back, right?” you smiled.

“yes, for sure, yes! we will be talking because you weren’t supposed to see that!” seungcheol exclaimed. “see you soon, i love you, ___.”

“i love you too, cheol,” you replied easily. because, in this life, you loved him, and he loved you back.

minli | sort of proofread! working on it… i think the plot makes sense… right… please say it does. this has sort of been my child for the past month or so… i actually used the max amount of pictures in this LOL ASLDKJ. please leave some feedback if you want :) likes, comments, and reblogs are always appreciated :)

tagging | @a-wandering-stay @cinnamoroxie @wonwoosthetic

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corroded-hellfire · 11 months

Text

Good Girl - Eddie Munson x Reader

Collaboration with the amazing and wonderful @munson-blurbs 💚

Summary: When Eddie reminds you to take your antidepressants, little does he know that he’s stumbling onto one of your favorite kinks.

Note: This is a reminder to take your medicine if you haven’t today. Make Eddie proud.

Warnings: smut, p in v, unprotected (wrap it up), praise kink, corruption kink, allusion to daddy kink, prescribed use of antidepressants

Words: 2.7k

“You’re seriously trying to tell me that Steven Tyler is better than James Hetfield?” Eddie gawks at you with a disbelieving shake of his head, turning off your Aerosmith cassette in protest.

“I didn’t say that; I said that he has a wider vocal range. Which is factual,” you retort, snapping the tape back in place and cranking up the volume.

But Eddie’s not buying it; he paces around your room and mumbles under his breath dramatically. Spotting the bright orange bottle on your dresser, he snatches it up and shakes it. “I thought these things were supposed to make your brain work better,” he teases. “Are you sure you took them today?”

It’s meant as a lighthearted joke, but his smile falters when he sees your gaze drop from where he’s putting on his little one-man show. “You did take your bye-bye sad pills today, right?”

You roll your eyes and grab the bottle from his grasp. “They’re called antidepressants,” you grumble, making no effort to hide your annoyance, “and, no; I didn’t.”

“I think my name for them makes them a little more fun,” he says as he flops onto your bed. “But why didn’t you take them?”

There’s no sense hiding anything from Eddie; he’s been your best friend for far too long and can see right through you. “I’m tired of having to rely on medication to be less sad,” you admit. “It’s, well, it’s fucking depressing.” The irony isn’t lost on you.

Eddie sighs and lifts himself up on one elbow to look at you. “You know, people need medicine in order for their blood pressure to remain stable. Them not wanting to take the meds isn’t going to do anything except have their blood pressure levels either plummet or go through the roof.”

Tilting your head at Eddie, you shoot him an unamused glare. “My blood pressure is fine.”

“Fine,” Eddie says as he pushes himself up into a sitting position. “Go tell Wayne to stop taking his blood pressure medication because he should rely on his heart the way it is. We’ll see what happens.”

The daggers you’re shooting at Eddie only get sharper because both of you know that you can’t come up with a retort for that. When you don’t soften, not even a bit, Eddie groans and drops his head back.

“C’mon,” he whines. “Be a good girl and take your pills.”

All of the muscles in your body seem to lock as one at the term. Heat begins to crawl its way up your body and you can only pray that it doesn’t appear on your face.

“W-What did you just say?”

“I said,” Eddie starts, as if being annoyed he has to repeat himself, “be a good girl and—oh. Christ, does that…?”

“Shut up,” you snap with far more venom than you intended. “Give me my meds and forget it, okay?”

Eddie’s looking at you like the cat who ate the canary. The smirk on his face is becoming more self-satisfied by the second. “Oh, absolutely not, sweetheart. I just found out that my best friend in the whole world has been hiding her secret kink from me.”

“I said, drop it.” You clench your fists in a feeble attempt to ward off the humiliation. “We’re not fucking, so it’s none of your business what any of my secret kinks are.”

“Kinks? As in more than one? Oh, do go on.” He’s got a shit-eating grin on his face, but it fades when he sees your eyes welling up with the beginnings of tears. “Look, you don’t have to be embarrassed. We all have things that turn us on. Even pure, chaste, little ol’ me.”

Now that makes you laugh. “Okay, Mr. Celibacy over here…tell me one of yours. It’s only fair.”

“I think it would just have you clutching your pearls, Miss Good Girl.” He winces when you give his ankle a playful kick, but he obliges. “Fine, fine.” He puts his hands up in surrender. “I like the idea of corrupting a girl. Sweet thing getting ruined by a freak like me.”

“You don’t get enough of that shit talk from the meatheads at school?” Idiots like Jason Carver seem to have a never-ending list of insulting nicknames for him, with Freak being their go-to.

Eddie shakes his head, frizzy brown curls brushing against his cheeks. “No, this is different. I don’t want to be called a freak. I just think the idea of a nice, innocent girl wanting me to corrupt her is hot.”

“Like…a good girl?” You’re trying to replicate his teasing tone from earlier, but it comes out more salacious. You bite your tongue, though the words have already escaped your lips.

Eddie just chuckles, somehow oblivious to your gaffe. “All right, well played. Laugh it up so we can call it even.”

You unscrew the cap of the bottle and take a pill, washing it down with the water you keep next to your bed. “But, Eds, I took my medicine! See?” You stick out your tongue with an exaggerated aaahh. “Just like a good girl.”

Eddie’s eyes narrow; he’s not sure how to interpret the situation. To be honest, neither do you. “Don’t play this game with me,” he says, suddenly serious. “Because you get to forget all about this, while I’m stuck with blue balls for the rest of the day.”

“Sounds like you’re speaking from experience.”

He nods. “Plenty of experience.” He rubs his sweaty palm along his denim-clad thigh, his eyes never leaving your body.

“Lucky for you, good girls don’t let their best friend walk around with blue balls, do they?” This is it. It’s now or never. You walk over to the bed and straddle his waist, pressing your hands to his chest. His heart is beating a mile a minute.

Any semblance of self-control is gone as Eddie hisses, “They certainly fuckin’ don’t.” His lips crash against yours in a hungrily, sloppy kiss. His palms are on either side of your face as he holds you impossibly close. Whether he realizes it or not, he’s grinding up against you, creating a delicious friction between your thighs.

Eddie wraps a strong arm around your waist and lowers you down to the mattress. Lips never leaving yours, his hands slip up the inside of your shirt, his rough calloused fingers causing goosebumps to break out along your skin. When you’re forced to break apart for air, you take the opportunity to yank your shirt off over your head and toss it somewhere on the floor. Eddie copies your motions, so when he leans back in this time, your bra is the only material between your two chests.

“So pretty,” Eddie mumbles as his kisses move down to your jaw. One of his hands comes up to cup your breast through your black cotton bra. “Such a good girl for me.”

His words have you whining and arching your back. It forces your chest even more into Eddie’s hand, which has him smirking as he runs his nose up to your ear. He places a soft kiss there before reaching down for the button of your jeans.

“You really do like it when I call you that, huh? Tell me, baby, did you ever think about me calling you that before? Lay here at night with your hand between your legs, picturing me calling you my good little girl?”

An almost pornographic moan slips from your lips as he speaks, and you’re barely able to concentrate on lifting your hips up enough for him to pull your jeans and panties off.

“Wanna be your good girl,” you mumble, face heating up at the admission. “Just f’you.”

“Aww, how sweet,” Eddie coos, leaning to capture your lips in another soft, slow kiss. Your hands slide down his pale chest until they rest on the handcuff buckle belt that you’ve stared at so many times, always wondering what it would be like to take it off of him.

“Pants off, Eds,” you say.

“Excuse me?” he says against your mouth. “What was that?”

A small whine tumbles from your lips before you squeak out, “Pants off, please, Eddie.”

“Much better,” Eddie says with a wicked grin. “That’s how good girls get what they want. Take your bra off, baby. I want to see all of you.”

Reaching behind your back to unhook the garment, your eyes never leave Eddie’s form as he strips himself of his jeans and boxers. All the times you’d imagined Eddie naked in your bed…they didn’t do the real thing justice. He’s long and wider than you expected, and even more mouthwatering than you could’ve hoped for.

“Staring, huh?” Eddie says and you can hear the smirk in his voice before you even look up to see it confirmed on his face. “I’m flattered, sweetheart.”

“‘S bigger than I imagined,” you admit shyly. “Need—I mean, can you please use your fingers first?”

Eddie nods, running his pointer and middle fingers through your wet folds before pushing them inside you. “Aw, y’already soaked for me, baby? Barely even touched you.” He continues fingering you as he nips at your earlobe. “Y’sure you’ll be able to take my cock, pretty girl?”

The nicknames have your head spinning. “Y-yes, sir,” you choke out, whimpering when he stops moving his thick digits.

“Well, shit,” he says with a small chuckle. “Looks like you’ve unlocked a kink I didn’t even know I had.” He looks deep into your eyes as he orders, “call me ‘sir’ again.”

“Yes, sir,” you manage, feeling his thumb making slow circles over your clit. “Anything f’you. I’m a good girl f’you, sir.”

Eddie growls as he slides down so his nose is level with your sex. “Not a good girl. You’re my good girl.”

“Your good girl. Only yours, fuck!” You yelp loudly as he starts sucking on your swollen bud, simultaneously fucking you with his fingers. Your legs tremble, which he takes as a sign to lap at your pussy with more vigor. “R-right there, sir. Please don’t stop. Please don’t stop, sir.” You sound pathetic, but it’s working for both of you.

You feel the pressure mounting in your core as your orgasm washes over you. “I’m cumming, holy fucking shit, I’m fucking cumming—” But just as the coil begins to snap, he pulls away from you, chin shiny with your slick.

“What the fuck?”

“Ah ah,” Eddie chides. “Good girls wait so we can cum together.” He spits on his hard cock, fucking into his fist a few times before lining himself up with your entrance. “Y’okay?” he asks, pushing the tip in only after you give him a resounding yes. The feeling of him inside you is one of ecstasy, and you wrap your legs around his to pull him impossibly closer. No one has ever filled you the way he has; no one has ever stretched you so deliciously.

“Eddie,” you murmur into the crook of his neck. His hands grip your hips as he buries himself within your walls. “I-I mean, sir, y’feel…fuck…feel s’good.”

“Me?” Eddie laughs incredulously as he continues thrusting into you. “No, baby. Nothing compares to how good you fuckin’ feel. Nice an’ tight, aren’t you, angel?”

The new nickname sends shivers of pleasure down your spine, and you bite your lip as you squeak out an agreement.

“Tell me, my sweet girl,” Eddie growls, cock twitching within you, “what would your friends think if they knew the freak was balls deep in your pussy right now?”

You can only moan in response, and Eddie beams at your apparent wordlessness.

“Fucked the words right out of you? Cute little head of yours can only think about my cock, hm?”

“Feels…feels…” You wrack your brain for any descriptors for the waves rippling through your body, but you come up empty-handed; rather, empty-headed.

Eddie’s all-too amused by this, pistoning his hips as he beckons, “Come on; good girls use their words. How’s it feel, baby?”

“So good, Eds. Y’make me feel so good.” It’s barely two sentences, but it placates him.

“Aw, you like the way my cock makes you feel?” A sneer crosses his face. “Like when the freak’s cock splits you open? How about when I do this?”

Before you can register his words, he’s bringing his thumb to your already overstimulated clit and rubs it while fucking you. “I know you like that, angel. Can feel you getting tighter around me. Fuck, anyone make you feel this good before?”

“N-No, just you,” you manage, another wanton moan escaping your lips.

“Good girl, using her words f’me.” Your pussy clenches at the praise, spurring Eddie on further. “Just wanna wreck you. No one else can have you but me.”

“Only yours,” you slur in your cock drunk state. Every nerve in your body feels alive as Eddie pounds into you. Your eyes flutter closed so when Eddie leans down and flicks his tongue over one of your nipples, it surprises you. “Oh!”

“Can’t forget about these gorgeous tits, baby girl,” Eddie purrs. “They deserve some love as well.” He laves his tongue up and down the swell of your breast before sucking the nipple into his mouth. A new decibel of a whimper leaves your throat, and it has Eddie smirking around the hardened bud in his mouth.

Your hand comes up and tangles in Eddie’s hair, fingers ever so lightly digging into his scalp as he gives your nipple a particularly harsh suck. He pulls off with a pop, hips still pounding into yours vigorously. The motion of your bodies causes your bed to shake and your headboard to bang repeatedly and obnoxiously against the wall.

Eddie gives the same attention to your other breast, exploring the soft skin with his tongue and lips before ravishing your nipple. It only adds to the intense pressure that’s already built up in your core.

“Ed—Sir, please. I need—”

His teeth grazing your nipple has your sentence ending with a strangled gasp.

“I know what you need, baby,” Eddie coos, leaning up to hover his face over yours. “You’ve been such a good girl for me. Letting the freak use your tight little pussy. And you enjoyed it, didn’t you, sweet thing?”

“Yes,” you whine, practically a sob. “S-Sir?”

“What is it, princess?” Eddie asks, teeth clenched as he tries to stave off his impending orgasm.

“Want you to cum inside me.”

“Fuck,” he growls. It takes him a second to regain enough composure to be able to respond. “Yeah? That’s what my good girl wants? To have the freak’s cum deep inside of her? Want to feel it dripping out of you and down your legs? Don’t worry, sweetheart, I’ll fill you up nice and good.”

Eddie bucks his hips a few more times before he cums, fucking his spend up into you with primal groans. “Take it—fuck, take my cum. Jus’ like a good girl.” He doesn’t stop until he’s soft and panting, flopping onto your chest without daring to pull out.

The two of you lay there for a moment, catching your breaths and relishing in the post-sex glow. A post-sex glow that you’re sharing with your best friend. Your best friend, Eddie Munson, just had his dick inside you while you called him ‘sir’ and he called you ‘good girl.’

“Um, Eddie?” you manage, and he lifts his head as he finally withdraws and lays down next to you. “What…what exactly did we just do?”

“Well, when two people love each other…” He starts to tease you, but his face blanches when he realizes what he’s just implied. “I mean, like, as friends…”

“Right. When two people really love each other as friends, they discover each other’s kinks and have mind-blowing sex.”

Eddie wiggles his eyebrows. “Mind-blowing, huh? You know that flattery works with me.”

“‘M serious,” you say, trying to redirect the conversation back to your original thought. “Where do we go from here?”

He considers this, tongue poking out between his lips in contemplation. “I’m spent; you wore me out with your insatiable appetite for lust.” He chuckles as you flip him off. “So I say we take a nap, and when we wake up, we can see what other kinks we wanna explore.”

“What other kinks do you have?” You rest your head on his chest and snuggle in as he wraps a protective arm around you, kissing the top of your head.

“That’s for me to know and you to find out,” he taunts, yawning as he says it. “Sweet dreams, angel.”

“Sweet dreams, Daddy.”

“Oh, fuck me.”

#eddie munson #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson fan fiction #eddie munson fanfic #Eddie Munson fic

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kamotecue · 8 months

Text

friends don’t look at friends that way ✰ s. catley

pairing: steph catley x reader

summary: in which two teammates are hiding their feelings. irish!reader, arsenal!reader

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯ ⋆✦⋆ ⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

you were confused about your feelings for a certain left-back. perhaps it was the huge elephant in the room, or it was just the overthinking thoughts that had occurred.

you felt someone sit beside you, it was your national team captain, katie mccard as the fans would say. she had a habit of getting yellow cards, it was always amusing for you, but at the same time if you needed to win, it wasn’t.

“what’s on your mind?” katie asked, as you just shrugged. you didn’t feel like talking about your current situation.

“good talk, n/n.” katie joked as you groaned.

“there’s this person i like—they can be a bit confusing, like are we friends? or are we more than friends?” you asked, as katie hummed.

“why don’t you talk to them about how you’re feeling? maybe they reciprocate the feelings.” katie said, as you looked across the pitch to see steph who already had her eyes on you and katie. she was talking to caitlin, her national teammate.

“it’s not that easy, she-“ you froze, as katie just nodded but turned to look at you as you paused.

“what? is it the fact that you mentioned a girl? there’s nothing wrong y/n, besides welcome to the club.” katie said, as she gave you a wink. you chuckled, as you shook your head.

“right then, she says that we are friends but the way she looks at me isn’t just friendly” you said, as katie gave you a pat on the back.

“like i said y/n, confront them about it. it wouldn’t hurt to take a risk.” she said, as she got up and went to join the others.

you pushed yourself of the floor, getting your kit bag as you headed to your car. you slung your kit bag to the back, as you took out your phone and connected it to the aux charger not noticing a certain aussie opening the passenger door.

“let’s talk, n/n.” you looked to the side, to see steph catley, the one who’s occupying your mind 24/7.

“be my guest, you’ve already opened the car door.” your sarcasm was ignored, as steph entered the car putting her kit bag in the back gently as she closed the door.

“what are we?” steph asked, as you pulled out of the training grounds.

“i don’t know.” you said, as you focused on the road not even bothered to look at the australian who just analyzed your face.

“are we just friends? or is there something more?” steph asked, her voice was a bit soft making you look at her.

“you say we’re friends, steph. you always do, it’s like you’re embarrassed to be seen with me.” you said, as you thought about the times were she would just introduce you two as teammates, not even friends.

we say we’re friends, but i’m catching you across the room

are we friends? or is there something more? because right now, you needed a sign. whenever you’re doing something, you’d catch her making these glances at you. when you’d hug or cling onto your teammates, she’d have this certain glint in her eyes.

it makes no sense ‘cause we’re fighting over what we do

you thought about the silly arguments that you’d get into. you’d act like a married old couple which is why the team has shipped you both, but there were days where you’d completely avoided each other, acting like strangers.

and there’s no way that i’ll end up being with you

there was always this thought at the back of your head, that you’d never end up with steph or she’d never go for you, because in simple terms, you always thought that she was out of your league.

or the fact that maybe she could be straight? that there is this guy she likes, and they are completely the opposite of you.

but friends don’t look at friends that way

the longing gazes she’d sent your way when nobody is looking, or how you’re the only one she sees in a crowded room.

friends don’t look at friends that way.

but yeah, like you said, friends don’t look at friends that way.

“i don’t want to be friends, y/n. i want you to be mine.” steph said, as your eyes widened.

#steph catley #steph catley imagine #steph catley x reader #auswnt x reader #matildas x reader #woso imagine #woso x reader #woso one shot #arsenal wfc imagine

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shadesslut · 9 months

Text

loving her was red, pt 2

MINORS DNI

Pairing: Dark!Ethan Landry x Fem!Reader

Content Includes: Slight smut

Summary: Ethan is finally fed up with sitting around and doing nothing. He needs to do something about it or someone else will.

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6 part 7 part 8

✮

The first important rule of their “special” relationship was to never get attached romantically.

Ethan was fuming to say the least. His grip on his phone tightened as he aggressively typed. He had been texting her ever since he and Chad parted ways with the girls. Chad kept pulling Ethan away from people he almost walked into, looking at him with concern.

Y/N

im just gonna go to bed im tired

10:30 pm

Ethan

Can I just sleep over ?

10:31 pm

“Dude, who are you texting? And what did they do to you?” Chad asked him as he unlocked the door to their dorm. Ethan ignored him as he stepped inside, which caused Chad to snatch his phone from him.

Ethan jerked his head up and hastily reached out to grab it back. “Dude, give me my fucking phone.”

“Why are you texting Y/N?” Chad asked softly as his arms relaxed. Ethan grabbed his phone back as Chad stared off into space solemnly.

Ethan huffed as he resumed texting her, spamming her messages. “We’re just talking,” Ethan said as Chad continued to stare. What’s his problem? Can she not have friends? Ethan thought angrily. He knew Chad was possessive over his girlfriends, but he didn’t even think about how he would be with his friends. He sighed as he finally put his phone away, giving up. “Am I like, not allowed to text her?”

Chad shook his head slowly, and finally looked up at Ethan. “No, no of course you can. I just-“ he sighs, pausing. “I didn’t know you two were close enough to have sleepovers, that’s all.”

He rubbed the back of his neck and moped off to his room, shutting the door. Ethan knew something was definitely going on between her and Chad, and he wanted to know what. He couldn’t be mad at Chad, he needed to be on good terms with him. He needed Chad to like him so Y/N would like him. He sighed in frustration as he walked over to Chad’s door, hesitating before knocking.

“Chad, I’m sorry for being a dick. I just hate it when people look at my phone; can we talk?”

There were a few beats of silence before Ethan heard the old wooden floors creak as Chad walked over and opened the door. Chad looked at Ethan sadly and glanced at the floor.

“I’m sorry, man.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not, I’m being a possessive little bitch.” Chad sighed as he rubbed the bridge of his nose. Ethan was starting to become slightly worried for what Chad was about to say. “Look, I-uhm, I have a small crush on Y/N-“

Chad stammered as he saw Ethan’s changed expression. His eyes darkened and his shoulders tensed.

“It’s nothing big. I just get so jealous over her, and I hate it. I think about her all the time, and it just sucks. I-I’ll get over it, over her.”

He looked so defeated, like a kicked puppy, Ethan had never seen this side of Chad before; it honestly concerned him. Was he in love with her? Would he try to get in between them two? Did he know about their special nights together? Was he obsessed with her like Ethan was?

Ethan softly patted Chad on the shoulder. “I would never do that to you. We’re just really close friends, but I think she likes someone else. I’m sorry, man.” Chad exhaled deeply as Ethan spoke. His eyes began to water as he felt jealousy and sadness.

“Nah man, it’s okay. She knows I like her, so I probably should’ve known she didn’t like me back.”

Chad quickly wiped his eyes as he looked at his roommate. “I’m…going to bed, night man.”

Ethan smiled to himself after Chad closed the door. He felt some form of relief from Chad stating he would move on. He should’ve told Chad that he was dating her, that he had been inside her, but he didn’t want to make her mad.

But, mad, she was.

—

The second important rule was to not tell anyone in their friend group.

Ethan woke up to three texts from Y/N.

Y/N

can you stop treating me like we’re dating

12:45 am

you and me are just fwb

12:50 am

can you meet me

9:35 am

Ethan felt a bit worried about her last message. Did she want to end things? He wanted to see her, but not if it would be the last time. He yawned sleepily, he didn’t sleep at all last night, and typed out a response.

Ethan

Library?

10:06 am

He stood up and slid his legs on with a pair of blue jeans. He grabbed an old t-shirt and put it on. He heard his phone ping as he was putting on deodorant.

Y/N

sure. ten minutes

10:06 am

He nodded as if she could see him, and he began to get his things ready quickly.

Ethan sat patiently on a torn-up couch in the library lobby, looking at the doors to see her. He decided to take his mind off things; he cracked open a book he had been failing to finish and began tracing over the words with his eyes. After a few minutes, his eyes started to become heavy with tiredness. I really need to fix my sleep schedule. He thought to himself as he dozed off.

Before his head fell back on the couch head, he felt someone plop down next to them. He flinched and looked at the person, softly smiling as he realized it was Y/N.

“H-Hey! You scared me,” he laughed nervously. She looked so pretty in the morning sunlight. She didn’t have any makeup on, but secretly Ethan liked her best like that. It was just, her, in her natural and beautiful form.

She weakly smiled at him as she set her purse down. “I’ve been meaning to apologize for last night. I was a bitch.”

Ethan shook his head at her. “You weren’t, I’m sorry that I tried to kiss you. I know we’re not supposed to do that casually.” His apology was sincere, he really did feel bad.

“It’s okay, this whole deal we got going on is confusing sometimes.”

He nodded in agreement with her. God, he wanted to kiss her and tell her he loved her.

“Do you…wanna come back to mine?” She asked quietly. Her hand creeped over to hover over his. He took her hand and squeezed slightly as he nodded.

The two walked together hand in hand across the campus. Ethan wished he could do this all the time, touch her like this in public. He was tired of waiting to be behind closed doors, he wanted to touch her whenever he wanted.

Y/N suddenly stopped in her tracks as she cursed. “Fuck, I, I forgot that my roommate has people over. Can we go to yours?” She begged as she looked up at him.

Now how could he say no to those pretty little eyes?

“Unless Chad is there,” she stated.

Oh, now that would be bad. Ethan thought, but he knew he didn’t have to worry about anything; Chad had morning classes. “Yeah let’s go,”

—

Ethan gasped as she roughly kissed his lips. He was desperately trying to find the right key to his dorm, but he had a certain distraction. “Shit, baby, you gotta let me open the door first.” He said panting, but she didn’t listen. She continued to grab at his collar and quite literally suck the air out of him.

He whined as he finally opened the door, causing them to stumble in recklessly. Ethan slammed the door with his foot, and grabbed at her waist.

He pushed her against the wall and forced her legs to widen with his hands. She opened her mouth as she gasped which allowed Ethan to slip his tongue in. She moaned loudly as he began grinding his hips on her clit. Everything he was doing, she absolutely loved. The way he grabbed her hip, the way he caressed her tit, everything he did made her feel oh, so good. They both groaned loudly and moved against each other’s bodies, gaining some friction.

He stuck his index and ring finger in his mouth, lathering it with spit. He huffed as he unzipped her pants and sloppily tugged them down. She moaned softly at the boy as he reached into her underwear. “‘M gonna make you cum.” He whispered to her.

He slowly started rubbing her clit, making her gasp. He open-mouth kissed her as he stuck his two fingers in and out of her. He pumped and curled his fingers and began to suck on her neck.

“Oh, fuck, Ethan!” She moaned in his ear.

He was in pure heaven right now, nothing could make him feel better than what he was feeling right now.

He heard a door slam shut, causing him to jerk his head up away from her. His heart dropped as he saw Chad standing by the bathroom door looking at the two of them. Ethan quickly got away from Y/N, creating a distance in between the two of them. Y/N pulled up her pants nervously and quickly.

“C-Chad, it’s not what it-“

“Fuck you, you piece of shit. You’re such a goddamn liar. ‘I wouldn’t do that to you’ Fuck. You.” Chad spat at Ethan, cutting him off.

Ethan flinched at his words as he yelled at him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to make you mad.” Ethan apologized, this time, not being sincere. He was happy Chad knew about them.

“Fuck you, Ethan. You’re fucking dead to me. I should’ve just gone to class,” he muttered before walking into his room, slamming the door shut. Ethan stood there in silence before turning to her. Her cheeks were red with embarrassment. He walked up to her and caressed her cheek.

“What was that about?” She asked, eyeing him.

Ethan dropped his head down and sighed. “I told him we were just friends, and I sort of told him I wouldn’t do anything with you.”

She nodded and looked away. Ethan looked at her longingly, sure what just happened sucked, but he still wanted to feel her body against his.

“Maybe we should, not do this anymore,” she spoke quietly.

Ethan’s eyes widened at her suggestion. That is the opposite of what he wanted. Was she really going to end things over Chad? “What? Why? He’s fine, he's going to get over this.”

She shrugged and stepped away from him. Ethan looked at her with hurt flashed on his face. “No, I think, we should stop. I don't want to cause any more drama with the group. I’m sorry Ethan, but, let’s just stay friends for now.”

She walked out before he could even muster up a response. Is that it? He thought. He thought he was little more than that to her, more than someone to hook up with. He didn’t know what to feel or what he was supposed to feel. He hated her roommate for having people over. He hated Chad for skipping his class. He hated himself for not stopping her from leaving. To say that Ethan was pissed, was an understatement. He was going to get her back to him, he knew he would. He was going to stop Chad from ruining his fucking life, and he was going to do something about it. He was going to show her that she doesn’t need anyone else besides him; he is the only thing she needs. He was going to start creating his plan, his plan to keep what was his.

Fuck. Chad.

#ethan landry x reader #jack champion #scream #chad meeks x reader #ethan landry #scream 6 #scream vi #ghostface x reader

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greedandenby · 10 months

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Jacob Anderson, Sam Reid, and others talking about Jam Reiderson.

Since promo might be scarce for season 2 (and also because i'm bored), I had fun compiling bits and pieces from interviews about these two men's beautiful friendship.

(Long post, so keep reading!

- there's SO MUCH good stuff)

Pride.com

Q: You guys have incredible chemistry. It hinges on that. Can you talk a little bit about how you built that kind of connection?

JA: I find it so difficult to talk about chemistry. Because me and Sam… like each other.

SR: Yeah. I think we’re very similar in a lot of ways, and that was a big relief. It’s a very bizarre job to do when you’re doing it, cause you’re shooting entirely at night, you have amazing costumes and contact lenses and accents and teeth and blood. The scenes, while they feel like they have a flow to them, there’s a lot of splitting up while we do it because we’ve got to have special effects come in or the blood come in, or we’re on a rig of some kind. So it’s a weird experience, and we also had these extraordinary lines of dialogue to say as well. And so to have somebody who’s similar, can process these things the same way as you and bounce off of and decompress with is vital.

JA: Yeah, and the first step is you just have a common language that you find, and sometimes it clicks and sometimes it doesn’t. And we were just lucky that we, you know…

SR: Yeah. Yup.

Amc.com

Q: The relationship between Louis and Lestat is rife with complications, but at its core there's obviously a real connection there. What was it like crafting this tumultuous relationship on screen with Sam Reid? You two are quite good friends having come out the other end of Season 1.

JA: Yeah, we were good friends when we were doing it and I think that's part of why it worked out for us! We didn't put too much emphasis on trying to figure everything out. The scripts are so beautiful, the writing is so dense and so full of life and detail that you don't need to discuss it too much. Obviously, we talked to the directors, and they'd have ideas and we'd have ideas, but I think, in terms of me and Sam finding it, I think we just paid attention to each other. We just trusted the writing, trusted each other, and it meant that we’d already be prepared for whatever was going to come up. We felt comfortable with each other, so we could try things and it felt safe. It felt like we could play around with body language and with eye contact and all these things. But it was unspoken, I think. It wasn't something that we spent a lot of time discussing. Everything's intentional to a certain extent, but there's this other thing that is just about instinct and listening really.

Q: And having the right scene partner where that happens.

JA: Yeah, I felt really lucky! Sam gives you so much. There's so much to play off and I hope that I did the same for him. Our first day of shooting we did the opera house stuff, and I was so excited. It's the scene where he talks about loneliness, and I remember thinking even though I'd got to know him a little bit and we'd done a bit of rehearsal and we'd become friends by that point, I was like, "Oh wow, this is going to be really special! I'm going to get to do this every day. I'm going to get to watch this character come to life and respond to it." That's a gift. Sam Reid is a gift!

Q: The relationship between Louis and Lestat is rife with complications, but at its core there’s a real connection there. What was it like crafting this tumultuous relationship on screen with Jacob Anderson? You two are quite good friends having come out the other side of Season 1 so if anything, I’m sure the experience brought you closer together?

SR: Yeah, definitely. It definitely brought us closer together. It was really crazy this stuff that we were doing together. We'd have these massive scenes, and it would be just him and I in the middle of the night playing opposite each other, not really being able to see each other all the time with the contact lenses. You just rely so heavily on one another. You also rely on each other because you're like, "Have we pushed it too far? Is it too much? Is it enough? Like, do we believe each other?" Because it's this very intense relationship but we’re also supernatural beings. So, you're constantly having to reframe the way that you look at a relationship and say, "Well, hang on, my character has all this power." Like in Episode 4, I remember saying, when all the police are coming over to the house, I was like, "Why are we even worried about this? I don't understand why I would be even concerned about this at all." But you're negotiating with someone who's going, "Yeah, but my desire to have a connection to humanity makes this important," and so you're like, "Oh, okay." We managed to balance off each other in that way, because my character's way past any connection to humanity and Jacob's character is holding onto those last threads of his humanity. When we'd both be examining a scene, we'd both be coming at it from different angles. Because of the love between the two characters, there's always that negotiation and blunting of the other's real intention. I couldn't really imagine doing it with anybody else! We did all of it, everything, together, really.

Gold Derby Daniel Hart Interview

Q: In what ways does the show’s really rich visual palette and then of course Sam and Jacob’s lightning-in-a-bottle chemistry on screen influence some of the choices that you made on the score throughout your process?

DH: There’s a theme that I would call their love theme, and it’s sprinkled throughout the first episode but it played in full over the end credits in a piece called “In Throes of Increasing Wonder”. And that theme appears in almost every episode, I think, in some form or another. I don’t think that theme was possible before I had seen some of that interaction between Jacob and Sam as Lestat and Louis. It’s born of their emotional reactions to each other.

IWTV Podcast

Ep2

Q: You and Jacob did your chemistry tests over Zoom? Which, I mean, does anyone have chemistry over Zoom?

SR: Yeah, I don’t really know what they were looking for or how you’re supposed to gauge chemistry from that, because it was really glitchy and we were all speaking on top of each other and trying really hard to act into the camera, which just wasn’t working. But look, I really… Jacob is such a lovely person, such a really fantastic actor and so easy to be around. And I could see that he was going to be a very easy person to fall in love with. So it was fun. In fact I just came from having ice cream with Jacob and he says hello.

Q: Oh my God, I’m obsessed. I want these moments. Give me that footage, okay? I want ice cream footage, I want strolling the streets of downtown New Orleans footage.

SR (laughs): Yeah, I mean we hang out all the time and we’ve become very, very good friends. Cause it is a crazy journey that we’re on and it was a crazy job, so it’s really lovely to have such a good friend.

Ep3

Q: Talking about Sam, how much time did y’all get before you started actually shooting? It’s like “Okay, we’re in love now and it’s going to be very tortured and complicated” – Rolling!

JA: Yeah. I don’t know if I completely believe in luck, but I think there’s like a weird cosmic luck in this whole thing. It is a huge roll of the dice. The first day we met each other, obviously we both had our masks on, and we had a hug and we were like “Oh hi”. And then we just spent the next day walking around New Orleans and getting to know each other. And I truly love that man, so much. Like, we connected so quickly and just found like… And I think part of that as well is that there’s a level of trust that we had to have, otherwise we weren’t going to be able to do this at those hours, and those scenes, and the intimacy of their relationship, and also the toxicity and the fire in it. We had to really hold each other and be like “All right, have we got each other’s back?” And we did, we were just like “We’re in this together. Let’s listen to each other and try and have fun.” And we did, we had a lot of fun. I thought that taking on this role would be quite triggering for me in lots of different ways. I thought it was going to force me to have to reconcile with lots of feelings that I had. I thought it was going to be just a guilt and shame and despair fest for six months. And actually I just found it really, really cathartic being Louis, and Louis has helped me a lot. I think there’s something about acceptance in Louis and acceptance of self, and like “This is who I am, this is who I’ve been, and I’m enduring, I’m choosing to keep going. I’m choosing to accept who I am.” And that was really helpful for me. So rather than feeling tortured, I think I ended up just feeling very… held, very comforted by the whole thing, in a weird sort of way.

Ep7

Q: I’m wondering what you guys would do or how you would hang out on set. Is there hanging out or are you more like “Okay, they’re setting up a light, I gotta go lay down, I can’t with you right now.”

JA: No, we were pretty inseparable, to be fair. There wasn’t really any hanging out. We just were. At a certain point, we just were. We didn’t share a trailer, but it was like, a wall separating us. And we’d just end up sitting on the stairs or texting each other through the wall.

SR (laughs): Through the wall, just texting all the time.

JA: We became a hive mind.

SR: We did, yeah.

Q: Were you still a hive mind once you wrapped? Would you still text and stuff?

JA: Yeah.

SR: Yeah.

JA: We’re going to the theatre tonight. We’ve seen each other every day for the last week. We’re still choosing to spend time together. It’s probably not very healthy. Very co-dependent (laughs).

Ep8

Q: Obviously viewers are in love with Jacob and Sam. People are tweeting me photos of them eating ice cream. We call ourselves #icecreamhive. The fandom is strong. Can you tell me about how you found Jacob and Sam, and the process of deciding they were Louis and Lestat?

Rolin Jones: Well, obviously 9 billion people auditioned. You kind of get down to ten actors that you like on both sides. The simple math of it is the second those two got into their Zoom rooms together, it was very clear something very dynamic was happening. On Jacob’s side, there’s this sort of genuine warmth, kindness, humanity. You’re like “Okay, for a character who’s going to make a number of questionable choices, how do you make them want to love him?” And on Sam: I saw his face and I said “No fucking way! No fucking way that guy, this chiselled, stupid chiselled, with his locks and his dreamy eyes. I was like no, no, no, no. And then I pressed play, and he really knew how big we were going to go. He was wildly specific and subtle. It was in his voice. There was something a little Jeff Bridges/Starman about it, and I was like “Oh, this guy feels like an alien and he feels other than us”. They both won the audition, that’s basically what happened. Although I’ll tell you, here’s a dirty secret: ready for this? Sam bought this piece of technology, that you can do a push-in close-up right when the scene is getting a little juicy. And I just started laughing my ass off. I was like “Oh my God, this guy wants this so hard.”

Mark Johnson: You called me the first time you had seen Sam, and you were just so excited about the potential of this guy and you basically said: “He’s going to be next to impossible to beat.” And sure enough, nobody could really touch him. But from the very first time you saw his audition you were pretty convinced that we had our Lestat.

Keep It Podcast

JA: Sam is just like my… partner-in-crime, and I feel so lucky that I got to spend every day with him. We had to do a lot of stuff in this show and when I say a lot of stuff I mean, those nights are no joke. Knowing those scenes and working on those scenes together at that hour – you can only do that with somebody that you like, even if the scene calls for tension. I think you would just kill each other if you didn’t like each other.

PaleyFest

Q: Jacob and Sam, I feel like the show wouldn’t work unless the chemistry’s there between Louis and Lestat. There’s a lot riding on that. So how did you two form this immortal bond, if you will, during filming, knowing how important it was?

JA: We just spent a lot of time together even when we didn’t need to (laughs). I don’t know, like, how do you put that kind of thing into words? It’s just, like… I really love Sam. I like spending time with him. I like working with him. I find the way that we talk about what we’re doing… Well, we’re not talking about what we’re doing all the time but I think we have a similar language. I dunno, it’s ki(smet?)… It’s, like, how do you describe a vibe? (laughs)

Q: Sam, how do you describe the vibe?

SR: I think the work, the world and the characters are so extreme and it’s a very intense thing to do. And I think we leant on each other a lot throughout the process and we were very grateful for the friendship that we had built to be able to get through six months of night and some pretty intense scenes. And to have someone that you can look across the room and have a private giggle with and get on with the job and debrief with at the end of the day is invaluable. Chemistry with actors is a complicated beast because it is our job to manufacture it, but when you don’t have to and it just comes naturally it makes everything so much more easy and enjoyable, particularly when you’re nude and bleeding (laughs). You’re really happy you have a buddy (unintelligible).

Q: I was in the Entertainment Weekly suite when all you guys came through for Comic Con at the Hard Rock Hotel and, I mean, I was watching you all interact. Bailey, break it down for me: these two, do they have like a super-bromance going on? Like, what is happening?

Bailey Bass: They’re best friends! They really are, it’s really precious. (Delighted grin from Jacob) Look at Jacob’s face! (laughs)

JA: Are we best friends, Sam?

SR: Yeah, you’re my best friend.

Eric Bogosian: I have to say, I have to throw in: I have two sons who are roughly the age of these guys, and we all went over to Comic Con, us three. And walking around was like being with my kids. The two of them are just like together (clasps hands together) getting into everything and I’m following them around, like “Wait a second, wait a second! Let me catch up with you there!” I didn’t really get it when I first got to set, I didn’t understand what was going on with these two guys, because they were so happy and they were so tired and they were so bonded and I was like “What dimension have I entered here?”

Rotten Tomatoes

About the casting process:

JA: I asked (Alan Taylor): “How did you guys decide that it was the right thing?” And he was like: “To be honest, by that point” – cause we did like eight rounds of auditions – “it was more about the way that you interacted when you weren’t doing the scenes. It was about how you listened to each other.” It’s just that we got on, we were pretty comfortable between the things.

Schön magazine

Q: Tell me more about the dynamic between Jacob and you who plays Louis, your love interest?

SR: Jacob and I get on well, we have a close friendship. We bonded strongly throughout the making of this show. He’s one of my favourite scene partners I’ve ever had because it’s just such an easy working relationship. There’s a lot of trust between the two of us. You know, it’s a fucked up toxic relationship. It’s messed up. But at the core of it is like this intense, inescapable love. So, we have to play out a very morbid, obsessive, passionate relationship. I think it would be really hard to do if you hated the person opposite. I’m so grateful that we get on.

ScreenRant at SDCC 2022

Q: Louis and Lestat have an iconic relationship: epic, spanning years and continents, lives ruined, bloodshed. What is it like bringing that to the screen and working together to really establish that immortal bond?

JA: It’s been the greatest partnership – creative partnership – in my life.

SR: Awww.

JA: No, I’m not joking, it really has!

SR: I’d agree, actually. It’s very hard, it’s a very intense relationship that they have, and you have to believe in that relationship. The things they do to each other are so extreme and painful and hurtful. And it’s been fun to have a real buddy to go through that and debrief with at the end of the day.

JA: I’m not sure how we could’ve done everything that we’ve done if we didn’t really trust each other.

SR: Yeah, it would’ve been awful if we hated each other.

JA: And it’s one of the great… you know, in the books, when they join together again – even when you know how awful they’ve been to each other – it’s just like you’re home, and I think that’s something that we always subconsciously tried to make sure was in there. They are kind of like home to each other, particularly after Louis’ human attachments start to fall away.

Eric Bogosian: I just want to say, these two guys (pointing to Jacob and Sam), it’s great watching them, their bonding and everything. The only difference between them and the guys in the fictional world: I’ve never seen them fight.

Bailey Bass: They were walking together alongside the San Diego beach. (To Jacob and Sam) You were! I mean, how adorable is that?

JA: We’re quite co-dependent. I don’t know if that’s a problem (laughs).

SDCC 2022 Panel

SR: It’s the greatest gift that I’ve ever been given, really. And then of course (pointing to Jacob) this guy.

JA: Awww!

SDCC 2022 Press Conference

Eric Bogosian: As a witness to what was going on, watching the way these guys (pointing to JA & SR) interacted was amazing. They had a chemistry that I’ve actually never seen before, and it continues even as we’ve been here for Comic Con. It’s wonderful to watch. I won’t get into it too much, I don’t want to characterise what goes on between them, but there was a great feeling on our set.

TV Insider at SDCC

Q: The level of intimacy that you two have to establish early on is really impressive. Did you know each other? Did you get to spend time hanging out before you got to be these immortal entwined characters?

JA (to SR): What did we do? We had like one Facetime call…

SR: Yeah, we had a Facetime call and then we were texting. We texted a lot, so we go to know each other via text.

JA: Me and Sam talk to each other every day, by the way. We couldn’t cut the cord.

TV Insider’s Trivia Night

SR & JA: Hi, we’re Jam Reiderson and we’re from Anne Rice’s Interview with the Vampire!

Holding up boards that say:

SR: [I won!]

JA: [But I won (really) at life]

SR: Bastard!

JA: Because I get to be with you, Sam, all the time! That’s the twist.

TV I Say Podcast

JA: Me and Sam spent 40 minutes yesterday in a sticker shop. Like, just looking at stickers and buying stickers. That’s not a thing that you ever really talk about. You don’t go like “Are you into stickers?”, you know? (…) I feel like Sam and I end up mentioning things in passing like “Do you wanna go do this or do you wanna do this?” and the other person’s like “Yeah!” But then, we have… There are so many crossovers. You wouldn’t expect it because we grew up in very different ways in very different countries. But we have crossovers of weird things or very niche things that we’d never discussed, really, right up until the point of promoting this show and doing press, that we’re like, “Great!” Like we’re going to go to Universal today. And I thought “Oh, is it a bit of a weird thing to ask?” Like, I don’t know if it’s awkward to… Normally, I wouldn’t ask a friend if they just wanted to go to Universal. But with Sam, I’ll be like “Should we go to Universal Studios?”, and he’s like “Yeah! Let’s do it!” Do you know what I mean? It’s just, I dunno, we just have similarities that we couldn’t have really… We couldn’t have known that we were so similar, but it really helped us when we were working, even if we didn’t know it at the time.

Young Hollywood

JA: I don’t know, we just liked each other straight away. We just had similar thoughts about what this was, about what we were doing. He’s one of my favourite people I’ve ever met in my life, let alone worked with. We just work well together. I can’t even really pinpoint exactly why. We’re going to hang out now, like after this we’re going to go to the Grove…

Q: Oh he’s in LA?

JA: Yeah!

Q: Oh my God, that’s perfect! I was going to say when was the last time you talked to him?

JA: Like half an hour ago.

Q: What’s the best thing that came from IWTV for you?

JA: That’s hard to… Sam Reid. Let’s say Sam Reid.

I'll add to this or do a part two if i find more and will be doing another for season 2 promo (if we get any).

#jam reiderson #jacob anderson #sam reid #iwtv #interview with the vampire #amc iwtv

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snows-2am-thoughts · 7 months

Text

PM and ADA deal Theory

Hey guys, friendly reminder that Mori is likely still gonna ask for someone from the ADA to join the PM. It honestly hurts my soul to think that the ADA will lose someone this soon after all the shit in this arc went down but Mori isn’t one to care about that kind of stuff.

SEASON FIVE SPOILERS

This is about 1.7k words so be warned

I know a lot of people are sold on the theory that it’ll probably be Tanizaki since Asagiri is big on foreshadowing and Tanizaki does have a homicidal side but I don’t think he’d let himself be put in a position to where his sister might be in danger or get a target on her back. He’d probably run away or kill the people in question before that happened. Not to mention since his run in with Akutagawa and the black lizard that he sort of hates most if not all of the mafia members. He was so ready to go to war with the PM to defend the agency and someone like this would be super hard to control, deal with the ADA or not.

Mori isn’t stupid, in fact he’s very calculating and very cunning and who are his biggest obsessions? He’s always so focused on Dazai and Yosano but both of these are off limits in his eyes. Yosano is off limits because of the terms of the deal with Fukuzawa and Dazai is off because Mori wants him to come back on his own. Now we have Kyouka, Atsushi, Kenji, Ranpo and Kunikida left to choose from.

Kunikida is off the table I think because he’s a child bombing away from just completely breaking. There is a part of me that believes Mori could pick Kunikida solely to break him and watch Fukuzawa and Dazai suffer but Mori is also the type of boss that doesn’t want to waste powerful allies if he doesn’t need to. I mean, he’s literally letting Tachihara choose his loyalties, he’ll probably still get punished severely but Mori isn’t one to just waste men unless it’s for good reason or worth the risks. Also Kunikida is Fukuzawa’s successor and something tells me that Mori doesn’t wanna deal with the strict moral types.

Ranpo is definitely off the table. Fukuzawa would go batshit if Mori picked him. He just lost his childhood best friend. Do you think he’s gonna let Mori take his son next? No he will not. Also Ranpo would blatantly refuse to work with him. He’s smart enough to survive but Ranpo is disinterested in most things and Fukuzawa is really the only one who can make him do something. I don’t think Mori would want to deal with that either.

Now we have Atsushi, Kenji and Kyouka. Mori usually chooses children to take under his wing because they’re easy to manipulate and easy to mold into his ideal subordinates. However Kyouka was already in the mafia once and Kouyou even used up her slight favor with Mori to let her leave the mafia with no consequences. I don’t think he’d want to deal with the hassle of internal conflict since Kouyou would be pissed if he took Kyouka away from the light that she enjoys so much. However much Kouyou wants to deny that she can’t help Kyouka anymore, she’s only human and she’s very much attached to the Kyouka who shares a similar past and ability.

Kenji’s situation is kind of hard to determine. As stated, Mori does prefer to mold and manipulate children rather than adults but Kenji is kind of an oddity among humans. Not because of his ability but because of his personality. He’s very much a “you fuck around and find out” type of guy is willing to believe the best in people despite what they may do or have done. I don’t see many reasons why Mori wouldn’t choose him other than there are better options than Kenji. Sure Kenji is super powerful with a very useful gift but there are other members that would fit his goals better.

Now Atsushi, he’s the biggest contender for the mafia recruit in my mind for a few reasons. Now we saw in the series that there were gonna be three main villains (The Guild, the Decay of Angels and the Order of the Clock Tower) and now we have finished out with two of them. This means that we’re possibly getting into the last major arc or two of the main plot of the story and there are still so many unanswered questions about Atsushi.

Atsushi was deemed the envy of all ability users by Fyodor which was why Shibusawa originally held an interest in him. My question is why Fyodor was interested enough in Atsushi to know of him and what is their connection that Fyodor was even able to know of him. Fyodor is a genius but the orphanage headmaster said that he was a randomly dumped toddler and he lived most of his life in a cage in the orphanage. This in itself is fishy but I’ll get to that in a second. Moreover, Atsushi’s ability seems like it just resists almost all other abilities with the ability to cut through space itself and high regeneration abilities that causes most wounds to go away instantly when he’s in his full tiger form, most other abilities don’t affect him when he’s fully a tiger.

Who is called the most powerful ability user? Natsume is, and he is able to turn into a cat. Seeing the pattern here? When did the headmaster die? When he was trying to find Atsushi and talk to him again. It’s very suspicious timing and I wholeheartedly believe that he was silenced by someone who didn’t want Atsushi knowing something important about himself. And then we have the seven billion bounty that was put on his head because of his ability. I don’t think that it’s a coincidence that Fitzgerald, who wanted to find The Book, wanted the tiger so badly that he was willing to spend that much.

Asagiri is a beast at foreshadowing and he doesn’t do anything for kicks, all of his moves are deliberate. There is something about Atsushi that we’re missing and I’m willing to bet that Mori, who was going to accept the bounty, wants to know what it is as much as we do. Atsushi’s strange ability, the holes in his past from before the orphanage, Fyodor and Shibusawa’s interest in him, his correlation to Natsume, his probable connections to locating the book and the fact that Dazai was coincidentally there to save him when he came to Yokohama? Yeah, there’s definitely something up with Atsushi and the poor kid doesn’t even realize it.

So yes, I do think that Mori either a) wants to figure out Atsushi’s situation in relation to everything or b) he knows something and wants to exploit it out of him. My second point is that Mori wants to break Dazai down and build him up as the perfect PM boss. Mori is someone who manipulates and breaks from the sidelines then watches conflict and in the aftermath, glues the pieces of what once was back together in a collage of his own liking. He knows he can’t beat Dazai but he can make him suffer. Who is Dazai the closest to at the agency? Atsushi.

Dazai always says, “Atsushi and the others” while making sure Atsushi makes it out alive in any situation that he is in. Dazai has a big soft spot for Atsushi, the kid he took in as a mentor and the kid who wholeheartedly believes without any hesitation that he is a good person. He brought his own chair and made a home in Dazai’s heart without his permission. Atsushi knows he was in the PM, knows he’s the reason for a lot of Akutagwa’s issues, knows about some of the atrocities he’s committed but still smiles genuinely at him. Of course he doesn’t know everything but Atsushi is probably Dazai’s biggest apologist (It’s not Akutagawa but that's for a different post). Atsushi is the personification of Oda’s last wish to Dazai and Mori definitely knows that he can hurt Dazai by hurting his beloved mentee.

Mori is also very aware of the new generation of soukoku. If he’s able to wrangle and manage Akutagawa (he’s alive shut up) a little more because Atsushi is his partner then all the more reason to choose him. Atsushi covers all the bases, a mysterious power that could make his organization that much more untouchable, mess with Dazai, mess with the agency and manage his own employees better. It doesn’t help that Atsushi’s mental state isn’t the best. He’s not a kid but he’s traumatized and doesn’t have the same development other 18 year olds do, and that can be just as easily to manipulate as a child. It would be difficult because Atsushi genuinely believes in Dazai with everything he is but every person is able to break and Mori is especially good at that.

I know that Fukuzawa’s ability is the reason we don’t see any more late night weretiger situations but Atsushi has so much more control now than when he did at the beginning of the series. It’s also very much possible that Mori is looking for a degree of uncontrollable tiger to help him with his goals. It’s also been confirmed that pain can manage his transformations as seen with his collar in BSD BEAST.

It also doesn’t help that Asagiri tends to go through the trauma route to have his characters develop and experiencing the “darkside” of Yokohama just may be what he thinks Atsushi needs to develop more.

So yeah, I think Mori may choose Atsushi as the new PM member but don’t quote me on this if I’m wrong, it’ll be embarrassing. They also may just throw this plotline out the window since both sides suffered this past arc, they may find it illogical to go through with the deal when the truce between the PM and ADA is still sensitive but I doubt it. Mori isn’t one to care for those things.

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joonggphilia · 7 months

Text

🖤🩶🤍His Friends🤍🩶🖤

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Pairing: Bf! Huening Kai + Soobin + Yeonjun x Sub bttm male reader Genre: Smut CW: Masturbation, Foursome, Degradation, Blow/Hand job, Cum eating (implied), rimming A/n: dear lord have mercy. I’m going to hell. <requested by @mooncarvers-world>

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You lied on the warm carpeted floor of your boyfriend’s apartment while he was doing homework. You loved your boyfriend so much, but he has been so super busy lately, and you’re high maintenance. You wanted him. Bad. Needed him even. It was killing you. “Hyuka! I’m gonna get in the shower!” You shouted to him through his door, then peeking inside to see him still on his laptop. “Yep, I’ll be done soon babe.” He muttered. You shut the door behind you and turned on the water, stripping yourself of your sweat pants and shirt. You’d usually lock the door and put on some music, but not today. You winced at the heat of the water, slowly adjusting to the temperature. Once you got used to it, you relaxed. Shower thoughts were always nice, going over your day, reliving it without the action, but tonight, all you could think about was your boyfriend. Your hands slowly moved down your body, to your nether regions. You slowly touched yourself, stroking, and prodding, hoping desperately for release. These movements became faster and frantic, the hot water and overstimulation getting you so close. You were trying your best not to get too loud, but it was tough. “KAI! SURPRISE! We’re here.” A loud voice exploded from outside the door. His best friend Yeonjun. Why the fuck was he here. “Hey Kai, thought we’d stop by. We brought snacks.” AND Soobin. God could things get bad, but you were feeling too good to stop. Your movements slowed down, you breath quietly hitching. Even with the interruption you were feeling pretty turned on. Maybe it was the thought of getting caught in the act. You heard the door creak open. “M/n, you aren’t quiet. I know what you’re doing, I can help you out. All you had to do was ask baby.” Huening Kai spoke from the other side of the curtain. You peered out to see his loving eyes staring at you, but two other pairs staring right through you from the doorway. “Fuck.” You breathed out loud.

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You were face down, ass up on your boyfriend’s bed. His hands gripping your thighs, his tongue swirling around your rim. He knew all your favorite spots, reaching each and every one with his wet muscle. “Baby, you taste so good. You’re just so good for me. Too bad you’re letting my friends watch you like a slut.” He said going back to your pretty pink hole. You looked over to the couch, seeing Yeonjun stroking his cock, and Soobin palming himself through his jeans. Huening was so sweet and caring, but these two being around did something to him. “Ngh Hyuka, sl-slow down. T-too much, too soon.” You tried pleading, not wanting to cum immediately. He pulled away from your back side, giving it a small smack “Coming undone just because of my tongue. You’re so precious M/n, like a baby, maybe a better word is pathetic?” Your heart stung at the comment, but it made your dick twitch. Yeonjun noticed, making my chuckle to himself “What a boyfriend Kai, where did you even find him?” Yeonjun butted in, earning himself a glare from Huening Kai. To be honest, he found it so hot, his best friends watching him fuck his long term boyfriend dumb, but he hated them getting in the way when it was his turn. His attention snapped back to you under him. “Back to you baby. It isn’t too much to soon, you’ll just have to be strong, ok?” He asked, his voice sickeningly sweet. All you could do was whimper a quiet ‘mhm’ as you pushed your butt up against your boyfriends bulge. “I hope you’re ready” Huening hummed , taking off the rest of his clothes. His erect cock, practically jumped out, hitting your ass. “Huening, hurry.” You rushed, looking back at him with pleading eyes, then setting your head back on the pillow, so you were looking at the other men in the room. You made eye contact with Soobin, his eyebrows knit together as he focused on jerking himself off. Just like Kai, this turned you on. You felt so good about yourself, driving these men crazy by simply laying down and letting them do the rest. You felt a sharp warmth enter you, causing sinful noises to erupt from your mouth. Your boyfriend started of slow, then he began to pound you like crazy. Almost unreal. You’ve never seen or felt this side of him, and boy was it doing things to you. The bed slammed and screamed from the rapid movements. “Take it just like that. This is great baby, just me and you. A few pairs of prying eyes, but that doesn’t matter to us does it?” Huening Kai grunted out as he continued to pound you into oblivion. You rapidly shone your head, not even able to develop coherent thoughts, let alone sentences. He leaned over your body and close to your ear “Use your words baby boy.” You came at his words. His warm voice in your ear was to much, he just drove you so crazy. Huening Kai broke out into laughter as you collapsed to the bed. “Uh uh.” He tutted, pointing his head in the direction of his friends. “It’s our turn, M/n.” Yeonjun stated, swiftly removing his pants and sitting on the bed. “You heard what Kai said. Get a little stronger. We aren’t done till you’re shooting blanks.” Soobin spat, finally speaking up. Yeonjun quickly attacked you neck, leaving licks and bites in his path as he moved lower and lower. Soobin hoped up onto the bed once yeonjun moved out of the way (down to your thighs, his favorite spot (;) Soobin straddled your chest, his hard cock looming over your face. “That pretty mouth better not just be for talking. Suck bitch.” He commanded. You quickly took his tip into your mouth, swirling your tongue and licking his slit. He threw his head back, moaning in bliss. Your mouth was pretty good. Your back arched as he hit the back of your throat, and Yeonjun took you into his mouth, sucking the life out of you. “Y-Yeonjun! It’s-I’m gonna” your orgasm cut you off, your body turning to static. “You’re so pretty. Too bad you’re a whore.” Shrugged Yeonjun. “Huening, take my spot. I wanna help out my friend.” Soobin smirked, moving for the other male.

Huening hurried back up and immediately shoved his length in your mouth. Yeonjun had your legs spread, while Soobin slowly entered you with his member. “You can take all of us right baby? I know you can.” Your boyfriend chirped, wiping tears from your eyes. Once Soobin slid in, Yeonjun aligned his cock and squeezed the tip in. Your eyes widened at the stretch. You were practically screaming around Huenings member, the vibrations turning him into a moaning mess. Yeonjun and Soobin moved in and out of your hole, leaving you constantly full. Your third orgasm snuck up on you, painting the four of you white. “Look who’s having a good time. Keep going slut, we know you can take it.” Spoke Yeonjun, as his speed quickened. Huening Kai sat on your chest, kissing away the tears that flowed like waterfalls down your cheeks. Sure you were crying, but the overstimulation was making up for all the lost time. You were in absolute bliss. Yeonjun and Soobin both came inside of you, pumping their semen deeper into your crevice. “We aren’t done yet baby. You think you can go a little longer? For me.” Huening Kai asked, as he reached into his drawer, grabbing some toys. “It won’t be that bad.” Soobin chimed in while he pulled out of you. Yeonjun was still slowly pumping in and out of your throbbing hole. “We promise! Cmon, you aren’t shooting blanks yet.”

#smut #txt x male reader #soobin #hueningkai #yeonjun #bottom male reader

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sturn1olo-ffics · 8 months

Note

okay hear me out .. part two to keep it a secret where matt and nick find out chris and yn are going out and chris is like “well since is out in the open, can i be your bf?” And its all cutesy

I LOVE THIS IDEA SO MUCH 🤭🤭 AHHH

- KEEP IT A SECRET -

pt.1 | pt.2

- Chris Sturniolo x Fem Reader (she/her pronouns used)

- Warnings: kissing, swearing, small argument (barely), I’m pretty sure that’s it; NOT PROOFREAD

- About: request above ⬆️

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(Y/N’s POV):

I’d like to think that me and Chris were pretty good at hiding the fact that we liked each other and were going out, but sometimes I questioned whether Matt and Nick knew or not.

It was about 4:00 on a Saturday afternoon when Chris FaceTimed me, asking what I was up to.

(in call)

“What’s good shawty?” Chris smiled.

“Never greet me on the phone like that again holy shit.” I laughed in response.

“Alright alright. What are you doing right now?” He asked.

“Nothing, just watching movies and shit. Wanna come over?” I replied.

“Say less.” Chris stated, then ended the phone call.

(call ended)

I loved right down the block from them, so Chris would just walk to my apartment every time he came over. After all, it was only a 10 minute walk at max.

He texted me saying he’d come over at 5:30 because he had a few packages to go through before he left the house.

I started to get ready because I was still in my pajamas from the night before. I jumped in the shower, then did my skin care.

I went to my closet and put on one of Chris’ lyrical lemonade sweatshirts he gave me and put some pajama shorts and fuzzy socks on.

As I walked downstairs, I heard a knock at my door.

“Bro why is Chris here already?” I thought to myself.

But I opened up the door to find Matt standing there.

“Hey y/n- is that Chris’ hoodie?” He smiled then questioned.

“Oh uh- yeah… what are you doing here?” I giggled awkwardly.

“Oh- well we just haven’t hung out in a while and I stopped by your favorite coffee place and thought I’d bring you some.” He replied confused.

“Thank you so much Matt! Do you wanna come in?” I stepped back and made room for him to walk through the door.

We walked back inside and sat on my couch.

“Are you still down to do a Halloween costume with me?” Matt asked.

“Oh yeah for sure. You got any ideas?” I laughed.

“Ah yeah I don’t know, I was just wondering if we were still gonna do a costume together because Chris said he wanted to match with you.” He looked down at his hands, fingers fiddling with each other.

“Oh? No he hasn’t asked me.” I responded, obviously confused.

“Hey can I ask you what’s going on between y’all?” He blurted out.

“What do you mean?” I questioned nervously.

“I mean y’all are always together. And dressing up to see each other. Like I have never seen Chris put that much effort into seeing someone before-” He started before I cut him off.

“It’s not like that. We’re just close friends.” I stated.

“Y/n we’ve barely hung out the past few weeks because you have been with Chris literally every single day.” He responded with attitude.

“I’m sorry Matt, I’ll make it up to you I swear, I’m just trying to get on good terms with your brothers.” I said, putting my hand on his thigh for reassurance.

“I know, I know. I just miss our friendship.” He looked up at me.

“Me too, Matt. I’m sorry.” I searched his eyes for an answer.

But before he could respond, the front door unlocked and someone came barging through.

It was Chris.

“Where’s my pretty girl at?” Chris yelled before rounding the corner to see me and Matt on the couch.

That’s when I realized Matt had parked in the back and walked around to my front door. So, Chris couldn’t have seen the car.

“WHAT?” Matt stood up and exclaimed.

“Oh my God- I didn’t know he was here-” Chris started.

“Hey okay, hear me out before you freak out Matt please-” I began before getting interrupted.

“Y/n? Chris? Why didn’t y’all tell me?” Matt ran his hands through his hair.

“I don’t know, I think we were just scared-” Chris responded.

“Matt please tell me you aren’t mad. Please.” I walked towards him.

“No. No I’m not mad at y’all. I just wish y’all would’ve told me rather than keeping it from me for weeks.” He let out a breath.

“Oh fuck you just wait ‘til Nick finds out.” Chris looks at me.

“Not helpful right now Chris. Actually, how about you break the news to him Matt, make it easier for us?” I asked.

“I don’t owe y’all anything but fine. So… are y’all like dating or something or what the fuck is happening…?” He searched both of our eyes.

“No-” Chris and I said at the same time.

“Ok- well I’m gonna go… and break this wild news to Nick…” Matt began as he walked towards the door with a permanent look of shock on his face.

“Bye?” I waved at Matt.

As the door shut, I looked at Chris.

“Well…” he said, walking towards me.

“Well?” I laughed back.

“Since this is out in the open… can I be your boyfriend?” He said, grabbing my waist and pulling me in.

I snaked my arms around his neck and leaned in for a kiss.

“So… is that a yes?” He laughed, breaking the kiss.

“Yes Chris.” I giggled, leaning in for another kiss.

We snuggled up on my couch next to each other, putting on a scary movie to watch.

About 15 minutes into the movie, I get a text from Nick.

(iMessage)

Nick: Y/N WHAT? YOU AND CHRIS? WHAT THE FUCK WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL US???”

Y/n: I’m sorry Nick… are you mad?

Nick: You know what. I’m just going to be happy for you guys and not be a hater for once in my damn life. But fuck y’all for that fr, I feel left out.

Y/n: Love you too, Nick.

(end iMessage)

I giggled at my phone and read the conversation aloud to Chris.

“Jesus Nick is so dramatic.” Chris laughed.

We finished watching scary movies and YouTube and it was late.

Eyes feeling heavy, I reach for my phone and look at the time.

12:03am.

“You wanna go to bed?” Chris looked down at me on his shoulder, letting out a slight giggle at my sleepy expression.

“Yeah…” I yawned.

Chris picked me up of the couch and brought me to my room, laying me in my bed.

He pressed a kiss to my forehead before turning around to head out.

“Wait. Stay.” I whined.

“Really?? Yay!!” He giggled with a big smile on his face.

He climbed in bed and pulled me on top of him, hugging me into his chest.

“Goodnight Chris.” I said with a sleepy smile.

“Goodnight pretty girl.” He yawned, rubbing my back.

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A/N: I hope this is what you wanted as a part two 😭😭 I love when I get requests because I’ve been so bad at coming up with ideas lately it’s actually horrible, so that helps so much. I love y’all so much omg 😭😭🙏🏻🙏🏻 giving me so much love on my fics my lord y’all are amazing.

#chris sturniolo #chris sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo x you #chris sturniolo imagine #christopher sturniolo #chris sturniolo fluff #fluff #matt sturniolo #matt sturniolo imagine #matt sturniolo x you #sturniolo triplets x reader #matt sturniolo fluff #nick sturniolo x reader #sturniolo triplets #the sturniolos

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rootbeerworshiper · 3 months

Text

Normal (part 4)

pairing: fem!character + matt sturniolo

summery: Abigail and Matt have been best friends for years and practically grew up together. the two hiding their feelings for one another, until one stupid drunken dare changes things.

warnings: smuttttt, fem!recieving, switch characters lowkey, swearing as always, drinking alcohol

this took so long for literally no reason but i had sm fun writing it so i hope you enjoy reading!!

pt1 pt2 pt3

love, sienna

flashback!!

“Matty come here!” i yell as i run towards the swings. it was a beautiful August day in Somerville and me, Matt, Chris, Nick, and Nate just entered the local park after buying slurpees.

Matt follows close behind “wait up!” he yells out as i continue running, slurpee still in hand, a blue tint on his lips.

the other three walk further behind, a little less eager to go on the swings. “how much would you bet they get together?” Nick asks his youngest brother, motioning to Matt and i now on the swings together.

Chris thinks for a moment. “honestly, i don’t know if Matt will ever man up, bro puts himself in the friend zone” he laughs, taking another sip of his cherry slurpee.

“true, look at them” Nick gestures once more to us on the swings, our swings now linked together so we can swing at the same time. “so incredibly hopeless” they continue walking towards us

Nate speaks up after practically chugging his slurpee “one hundred bucks they start dating before we’re 25”

“easy money, my man Matt isn’t confessing till he’s on his death bed” the two shake on it, making Nick laugh, no one expecting this bet to come into play later in life.

end of flashback!!

the thing about the friend group is that when Abigail confessed her feelings for Matt, Nick immediately told Chris, not being able to keep the information to himself. The two of them were also aware that their brother reciprocated the feelings, even if he didn’t flat out say it until later in life.

this is why both boys are very aware of the awkward dynamic that has infiltrated the group, just neither of them knew fully why.

i get in my car and sigh as my phone connects to bluetooth. i had no reason to be stressed, me and Matt are technically on good terms, but i can’t help but regret my past actions.

if i had known he was into me i would have said something, and he probably thought the same thing.

it’s a weird feeling, thinking about what we could have been. what we could be.

i hate knowing that he moved on, that i missed my one chance. it’s silly, i mean i was in high school, we probably would have had a cringey breakup and gone back to being friends or something.

but i can’t help but mourn what would’ve been, what would’ve been my life if i hadn’t kissed some random guy at winter formal.

if i had just said something. if i had-

i have to stop. it’s torture knowing that he liked me at one point, but there’s no going back now, and things aren’t normal anymore.

i press my playlist, opting for happier songs to cheer me up from my now hopeless mood. it’s not a long drive to the triplets house, we made sure of that when we first moved to LA.

when i do finally arrive, i push down the never ending thoughts of Matt and get out of my car.

i don’t bother knocking, i just walk right in and take my shoes off, something the triplets don’t do that drives me insane.

i see Nick first which i’m grateful for, his smile always helps distract me. based on the way it turns into a slight look of pity i can tell he knows somethings wrong with me but before he can ask Chris yells. “Abigail do you want a root beer or a pepsi”

i shake my head, smiling again. “when the fuck have i ever wanted pepsi?” i reply back, Matt still no where to be seen. Chris tosses me a root beer and joins me and Nick in the living room, cracking open his second pepsi of the day.

the three of us talk as if everything’s normal, although i can tell they both know that things are not normal. eventually Matt joins us and although it’s incredibly awkward, i missed talking to him.

“wait your guys’ warehouse has a hot tub right?” i ask, we had been talking for a while but the combination of little sleep and bad posture was catching up to me and my back hurts like a bitch.

“oh shit you’re so real for that” Nick replies, a glimmer of excitement in his eyes.

Chris literally beams “fuck yeah i love the hot tub i’ve been craving it so much recently” this just causes Matt to roll his eyes.

“you’re always craving the hot tub dumbass” he says, leaning back down into the couch.

“fuck you Matt stop being tough” Chris replies, now standing up. “i’m gonna get dressed and ignore Matt’s negativity” he jokes, now walking downstairs.

“he’s so over dramatic i love it” i laugh, now also standing up.

“see! it’s not just me who thinks that” Matt laughs along, sloping my arm jokingly but letting it linger for a moment longer than normal before taking it off and looking back to his brothers.

“Abi is your bathing suit still here?” Nick asks me, completely ignoring the interaction Matt and i just had, maybe it’s all in my head.

i nod and begin to walk to Nicks room where i had left said bathing suit a few weeks ago.

i put it on in the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror for a moment. it’s rare that i feel attractive, especially in such little clothing, but here i am, actually happy for once with what looks back at me in the mirror.

i walk back downstairs and meet with Chris in the kitchen, now wearing some old t-shirt that Matt gave me in high school over my swimsuit. “you drinking?” i ask Chris as he grabs coolers out of the fridge.

“what does it look like i’m doing?” he says annoyingly, sometimes it’s hard to resist punching him when he says stupid shit like that.

“okay fuck you, give me some” he hands me three coolers which a carry slightly awkwardly before setting them down momentarily. “is Matt driving?”

“no we’re gonna walk” Matt says, exiting his room, now bare chested as he has yet to put a shirt on. i haven’t seen him like this in a while and woah.

Chris slaps me on the arm which i pretend to not notice as Nick walks down the stairs. “we ready to go?” he asks

we all agree and put our drinks into one of my tote bags, all while i try my best to pretend that matt’s tattoos don’t cause me to squeeze my thighs together.

it’s a short walk to the warehouse but it’s peaceful.

the streets are lit purely from street lamps and the wind from earlier has died down. this is my favourite part about summer, when it’s not too hot but just warm enough to just be wearing a a bathing suit and one large tee shirt.

i go to look at matt again almost subconsciously, just to see that his eyes were already in my direction.

when i catch him looking he snaps out of it and rejoins the conversation his brothers were having in front of him as if everything was normal.

soon enough we make it to the warehouse and opt for just walking around the side gate straight into the backyard.

i’m the first to make it to the hot tub, clearly the most eager to go inside because i open it and immediately slip my shirt off.

i feel eyes on me but i ignore it, i can’t look back, not when i think that Matt’s behind me looking at my ass.

Chris grabs the speaker and starts playing his own music which causes me to roll my eyes slightly. don’t get me wrong he has the occasional song i like but i’d way rather listen to Matt or Nicks music.

i grab my first drink of the night out of my bag and step into the hot tub. “fuck i needed this so bad” i sigh, fully sitting in the warm water and closing my eyes. “i’m so grateful for all the 13 year olds that make you rich so that i can get the benefits of it”

the boys all laugh momentarily. “i should record you and put it on a tea page, just expose you to all the fans” Matt jokes, now sitting next to me in the hot tub with his own drink in hand.

i giggle and take a sip of my drink. “okay miss julia earnst”

at this point Chris is pissing himself laughing, slapping Nick on the arm as he folds. “holy fuck Abi you just do it every time” he wipes his eyes as if he was crying “we need to get you in a video for real”

“i agree the fans would love you” Nick agrees, a smile still plastered on his face.

i’ve thought about it before, and this isn’t the first time they’ve suggested me going back on their youtube channel but honestly there’s nothing i’d hate more. “being on the channel was fine when y’all had like 20k but no way can i face six million girls who all think they’re competing with me for one of you”

Matt listens to me intently before adding. “it would be a little funny though, the dating rumours and shit” he laughs as if that’s the most outlandish thing ever, like us dating is a funny concept. i try to focus on the drink in my hand and not on the boy next to me.

“what’s weird to me is that no one knows we’re still friends with you, i keep seeing posts saying they miss when we were friends with you like” Nick furrows his eyebrows and turns his head slightly for dramatic effect.

i grab my second drink and immediately start sipping on it, i needed to de stress and getting drunk in a hot tub was very tempting.

we all take for another hour, saying outlandish things and constantly bickering and then immediately making up again. it’s the dynamic that i’ve grown fond of.

at this point i’m 4 drinks in and considering my low tolerance, i feel great. unfortunately though, Chris and Nick decide to go home, something about needing to do something for content or whatever but they encourage me and Matt to stay.

i’m not in my right mind right now, normally the idea of being alone with Matt in a hot tub would have me freaking out right now but i’m not even thinking about that.

well until he speaks. “do you ever think about high school?”

“of course i think about high school what do you mean?” i furrow my eyebrows, god this kid takes forever to get a point across.

“well like the butterfly effect or whatever. i always think about what i could’ve done differently” he says, crushing the can of his 5th drink of the night in his hands. god his hands.

“i guess” i think for a moment, looking up at the starts that splatter across the sky. “what would you do differently? you know in high school or what not”

he’s silent for a moment, as if to collect his thoughts. “honestly?” i look to him and nod, now feeling that god awful feeling of love brew in my stomach. i hate how easy it is for him to cause that. “i would’ve kissed you”

my jaw literally drops. “what? when?” i don’t even know what to think, i just need an explanation.

“there was one time when i was really close to doing it, we snuck out for the first time to get energy drinks at the gas station in like sophomore year, remember?” i nod, literally speechless. “well i had already kissed you at that point, you know at the party, and i watched you as you looked at the stars while you laid in the grass and you looked so kissable and i was this close” he says, gesturing with his hands “but i went to lean in and then you said something about some kid from school and so i stopped.”

i stay quiet for a moment unsure of what to say, but he talks again. “i guess i just wonder what would’ve happened if i kissed you then. where would we be now?” he looks at the stars now, avoiding eye contact with me as i gawk at him.

Matt has never been the type to be bold, so part of me knows that the alcohol has something to do with this confession, but there’s no way he doesn’t mean it at all.

i clear my throat. “i think if you kissed me then, that we’d be kissing right now, you know butterfly effect and all”

i am also not the type to be bold. yet here i am.

i look at him, no words needed. the sense of boldness has yet to die down and so i pick my hand off the seat of the hot tub and place it on his leg, looking for any form of discomfort in his eyes.

he seems to be looking at me for the same. we both know exactly what it is we want in this moment, so when i move my hand closer to his inner thigh i know what he’s asking. “yeah?” he asks simply and i nod. “i need words Abigail. i need to know what you want.”

“i want you to put that bossy mouth to better use” i reply, and it’s like i can see a switch in his eyes as he smirks.

he leans into me hungrily, as if he’s been wanting to kiss me forever. he places his hands on my waist and i quite literally moan from the feeling, all i get in response is the feeling of him smiling on my mouth. proud.

i don’t like the power he knows he has over me, so i decide to change that. i move my hand that’s on his inner thigh slowly, delicately inching closer to where i know he wants me most, all while kissing him relentlessly.

i could kiss him forever, but as my hand grazes over his trunks and he stops, i know i have more important things to do with my mouth.

i take it as an opportunity to kiss his neck, teasingly licking a stripe on his sharp ass jawline and he shutters at the feeling.

god i love having him like this.

“want me to touch you matty?” my hand now palming him through his trunks, my thumb effortlessly finishing his tip and rubbing circles as i wait for a response, instead he just nods eagerly.

“what happened to using our words? too hard to speak when you’re imagining my mouth around your cock hm?”

“please” he says in a whimper that goes straight down to my core.

i kiss him again, mostly because i can’t get enough of his mouth. after a moment, his hands make their way to my ass and he guides me to his lap, my palms now cupping his face.

his hands have their fun exploring my body, using my ass to pull himself impossibly closer to me. i whimper slightly as i feel his dick place pressure on my core and he immediately stops kissing me as a smile forms on his face.

i rock my hips onto his, feeling him underneath me every time i lean forward, the hard feeling on my clit causing me to whimper in his ear.

“not so tough now hm?” his hands find a new purpose as they make their way to my tits, teasingly playing with the straps and playing with my nipples through the swimsuit.

“matt please” i beg, at this point i’ve given up on fighting him for dominance. he doesn’t bother fighting me either as he unties my bathing suit too and begins kissing along my collarbone. “fuck matt so good” my hands make their way to his hair and i pull slightly, feeling him moan against my chest.

he wastes no time taking one nipple into his mouth while his hand plays with the other, god i’m wet. he swirls his tongue around in a way that makes me crazy, and god he’s good with his mouth.

i continue to roll my hips onto him as Matt has the time of his life with my chest, taking his time to give each breast an equal amount of attention.

my clit is throbbing at the feeling of Matt beneath me but i need more. “Matt i need- fuck” my head rolls back as he bucks his hips onto mine slightly.

“what was that pretty girl?” he uses his hands to push me closer to him making me clench around nothing. “cmon tell me what you want”

i bite my lip, he hasn’t slowed his pace and is now placing teasing kisses under my ear. “i need your hands. i need you to-“ i shiver as his hands replace where his trunks were moments prior.

he turns us around so that i’m now underneath him and he lifts me to sit on the edge of the hot tub, leaning against the lid.

he rubs me through my swimsuit bottoms before taking his hand off my heat and instead teasingly playing the the hem. i moan audibly once more, now extremely sexually frustrated.

all i get in response is a shallow laugh while he continues to play with me. i cant take this anymore i’m literally gonna go insane.

so i take matters into my own hands, literally.

i grab his right hand to stop it from toying with my bathing suit and slide my bottoms to the side, placing his hand exactly where i want it.

this just causes him to shutter at the motion. “god i’d love to be mad at you but that’s got as fuck” and he puts his hands to work, placing pressure on my clit before lifting his hand off of me temporarily.

before i can protest him stopping he spits right onto my clit and i watch as it drips down through my folds, he seems to be watching just as intently.

“i’ve been wanting to do this forever” he begins kissing my inner thighs, teasing again. “needed so badly to have you just like this, fucking soaked all for me” just as i’m about to complain, his tongue makes context with my clit, licking up and down painfully slowly.

i cant do anything else in return other than grab his hair and thrust my hips forward slightly, needing more. “you’re so greedy, let me have my fun pretty girl. gonna make you feel so good”

he immediately inserts two fingers into me, causing an embarrassing reaction from me as my body tenses up and my head rolls back.

his tongue continues flicking on my clit, gently but still insanely fast, this alone would be enough for me to finish, but when he begins to curl his long fingers exactly where i need them- god help me.

i’m a moaning mess at this point, tugging at his hair and rolling my hips around, chasing the high that’s brewing in my stomach. his fingers reach exactly where my own couldn’t and i feel literally tears form in my eyes.

his pace doesn’t slow once, still relentlessly giving me pleasure in every way he can. “matt i’m gon-“ i moan again, literally speechless.

i feel him smirk underneath me as his already fast pace somehow increases, giving me exactly what i need to push me over the edge.

my thighs squeeze around his head as my body shocks through an orgasm and i feel him moan underneath me.

he takes his time, slowly coming to a stop and ending with one final kiss to my now sensitive clit as he comes up to meet my face. “that was the hottest thing i’ve ever seen” he laughs into a kiss with me and after a few seconds we pull away, i’m still out of breath.

“no one’s ever made me feel like that before holy fuck” i sigh, looking at him with with lust in his eyes. “needing me to return the favour pretty boy?” i place my hand on his abs teasingly.

he just laughs. “when i said that was the hottest things i meant it, i was done the moment you were done” he leans back in to kiss me yet again, clearly addicted to it.

we kiss for a moment longer, both tired and still noticeably under the influence.

authors note: hey…. was not planning on writing that and then… well yk🤗

#matt sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo #matt sturniolo edit #matt sturniolo fluff #matt sturniolo smut #chris sturniolo #chris sturniolo smut #nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo smut #christopher sturniolo #matt sturniolo fanfic #matthew sturniolo

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therealcocoshady · 19 days

Text

Recovery - Chapter 34

Eminem x FemReader Fanfiction

Summary : Thanksgiving is just around the corner and Reader is planning Talia and Jamal's wedding when unexpected news happen.

Tags : Angst

TW : Mention of drug use - Mention of pregnancy

Author's Note : I hope you enjoy the chapter ❤️

Y/N’s POV

Ever since Marshall had informed you that Kim would be there for Thanksgiving, you were a little bit freaked out. However, you didn’t really bring up the topic, and neither did your boyfriend. After the conversation, you spent a few days pondering whether or not you should try and escape the situation. Not being American, Thanksgiving wasn’t important to you anyway so you wouldn’t mind skipping it or celebrating it the same way you had done since you came to the US - with Talia and Jamal.

When you moved to Detroit, you quickly befriended Talia at the beginning of the school year. You were planning on spending your first Thanksgiving in your dorm room, on your own, watching a crappy movie and eating ramen, but she wouldn’t have it and invited you to spend the day with her, her boyfriend and her family. At first, you declined the invitation but she basically forced you to go and that’s how you met Jamal, as well as Talia’s mother and her three sisters. You got along with everyone and had an official, standing invitation for every holiday, your best friend’s family being just as warm and welcoming as her. Even when you were with your ex, you spent Thanksgiving with Talia. This year would be your first time celebrating it with someone else. When you told her about the change of plans, she was happy for you but made it clear that you would be missed. To be fair, you would miss them too. You didn’t know too much about how everyone else celebrated Thanksgiving, but Talia’s family certainly made it fun : everyone would spend the day cooking together in a relaxed atmosphere, making jokes, dancing to some 80s tunes and playing board games.

You didn’t mind skipping this in order to celebrate with the man you loved, but knowing his ex-wife would be there certainly made you reconsider. However, he made it clear that he was looking forward to celebrating with you and told you how important it was for him that you be there.

It’s a family holiday, he said. We’re officially living together, it doesn’t make sense to spend it apart, Y/N. We’re family, now.

We’re still very new, you reminded him. What will your family think ?

As far as they’re concerned, you can do no wrong, he chuckled. Apparently, they’re all relieved that my grumpy ass found someone who is actually willing to put up with me. And they all know and like you already.

Except for your ex, you pointed out.

Is that what it’s really about ? He asked with a raised eyebrow.

You sighed and did not reply. Part of you thought that it was a good thing that Marshall and Kim were on friendly terms, for the sake of their daughters. It was a proof of maturity on their part and you had heard enough stories from your friends with divorced parents to know that it was actually a good thing. Everyone would like for their parents to be able to get along after a divorce. But being the partner of someone who was divorced made it a little challenging. After all, no one expected to spend a holiday with their boyfriend’s ex-wife, let alone relished the idea.

I told you it will be fine, he said as he hugged you from behind while you were doing your skincare before bed. And it’s not just her, anyway. Everyone else will be there.

Yes but she’s the only one I haven’t met yet, you said sheepishly. What if she hates me ?

Why would she hate you ? He scoffed.

Because I’m your girlfriend… Duh ?

Look, Y/N, he said as he took your hands in his. Yes, Kim is my ex, and yes, we have a long and complicated history. But any form of romantic feeling between us is long gone. There won’t be any jealousy… On her part, at least.

The end of his comment made you raise an eyebrow.

You think I’m jealous of her ? You asked.

I don’t know, he said with a smile. Are you ?

I guess not, you shrugged. I do have many questions, though.

So we’re gonna have that talk, huh ? He asked with a sigh.

Do you mind ?

No offense, babe, but even if I did… I know you well-enough to know that you’d toss and turn all night, and you'll drive yourself crazy and me as well. I love you, and I want to get some sleep tonight, so for both our sakes, let’s get this over with, he chuckled.

Thank you, you said shyly as you felt your face redden a bit.

You both sat in bed and you were nervously tugging on your nightgown, not really knowing where to start.

I don’t have all night, though, he said playfully. Just ask your damn questions, babe.

Did she sleep here ? You asked, as it was the first question that popped into your head - hell, maybe you were in her spot !

In this room or in this bed ? He asked. This is the master bedroom, so yeah, we slept here. The bed and mattress are new, though, if that’s any comfort. Next question ?

Do you miss her, sometimes ? You asked nervously.

He glanced at you and shook his head with a smile.

What kind of question is that, Y/N ? He simply asked. Really ? You’re asking me if I miss her ?

Can you blame me for wondering, though ? Everyone knows she’s the love of your life, your high-school sweetheart and stuff…

Everyone also knows that our marriages were utter failures and that we drove each other crazy, he stated with an eye roll.

So you never think about her ? You asked.

That’s a different question. Of course I think about her often.

Often ?! What the hell did he mean by that ? As he saw the expression on your face - that probably resembled that of a deer in headlights - he let out a laugh.

I told you, babe, we have a history and three daughters, he said. Of course I think about her, whether it’s something about the girls or simply memories. I can’t erase twenty-plus years from my brain, you know ? But it doesn’t mean I miss her. I used to, for sure, but I don’t. Not anymore. You can think of the good times you had with someone without missing the relationship.

I guess, you said. How do you feel about her now, then ?

I mean… She’s the mother of my children and that will never change. In that regard, I respect her, because she’s doing her best to be a good mom, too. I might not always agree with her, in fact there’s a lot of shit we disagree on, but she’s high in my esteem. Also because she put up with a lot of me and my shit, he said.

Do you have feelings for her ? You blurted out before you were able to hold back the words.

As soon as you spoke these words, he frowned and shook his head. He sighed and took your hand in his, interlocking your fingers.

I just told you I don’t miss her, he said. So no, I don’t have feelings for her. Not romantic, at least. I do have affection for her, though, in a way. I care for her and I don’t want anything bad happening to her. If she ever needs me, I’m here. I told you before - whether we like it or not, Kim and I will always be family. So I will always be there to support her.

You nodded, a bit lost in your thoughts. He pulled you in his arms and leaned in, his forehead resting against yours while his piercing blue gaze held yours.

I need you to understand something, baby, he said. Nothing I’m saying here affects the way I feel about you. Just because I care for Kim doesn’t mean I don’t love you. You are the woman I love and the one who makes me happy, and no one will change that.

Ok, you said as you nodded softly. I love you too, you know ?

And even if she did hate you, which she won’t, you’re the one person I chose to share my life with. Whether anyone likes it or not, you are my girl and they have to respect that. And I know she does, he said.

Ok, you said. Does she know that we live together here ?

She does, he nodded.

And that I’m… You know… Younger ?

Yes, that too, he chuckled. I mean, I told her about you before so she knows a couple of things. She knows your name, your age, what you do in life, part of our story and, most of all, she knows I am head over heels in love with you.

When did you tell her all that ? You asked, a bit surprised.

I talked about you on a couple of occasions, he explained. When we got together, and a couple of months after our breakup, too. We don’t speak or see each other too often, but we keep up with each other’s life.

He was smiling, which was sort of reassuring. His transparency made you feel at peace and, even though you were still a bit anxious, you eased up. You smiled back and kissed him on the cheek.

Thank you for reassuring me, you said softly. I think you got yourself a night without me tossing and turning.

Good, he chuckled. I get how weird it must be for you, you know ? But I’m sure everything will be fine. It’s just Thanksgiving.

You smiled and nuzzled his neck as he held you in his arms, tracing circles on your shoulder.

I love you, Marshall.

I love you too, Y/N. And I’m really happy we’re celebrating our first holiday together, he added.

That’s a milestone, you said.

The first of many, many more, he said with a smile before pressing a kiss to your temple.

So… What does a typical Thanksgiving look like in the Mathers household ? You asked. What should I expect ?

Just classic Thanksgiving stuff, you know ? He shrugged.

Well I only ever celebrated at Talia’s family’s, so… I don’t know, you chuckled. In my experience, it involves Talia’s mom preaching about how good God is and the blessings he gives, lots of cooking, lots of eating, board games and Talia’s sisters arguing over who Jamal prefers !

Sometimes I forget you’re not from here, he chortled. No preaching here, but lots of eating, just hanging out together, talking, watching movies, playing games… And I have my basketball tradition with Nate.

Let me guess ? You usually win ? You asked with a grin.

I lost the last one, actually, he chuckled. But I’ll definitely humiliate him this year. I have a lady to impress, I can’t lose.

If you win, I’ll give you something to look forward to, you said teasingly.

Like what ? He asked with a smirk.

Win and you’ll see, you replied with a wink.

I have an entire week left before the game, he said. Believe me, I’m going to train for victory.

You giggled and kissed him softly before turning the lights off. You were a little reassured and figured that, even though your first Thanksgiving with him would be a bit stressful, you would get to admire him all sweaty on the basketball court and that would be absolutely worth it.

In the week leading up to Thanksgiving, you were busy with wedding stuff and maid of honor duties. Talia and Jamal had yet to set a date for the wedding but that didn’t prevent your best friend from giving you tasks such as browsing ideas, looking at dress designers and searching for venues. You gladly obliged : you had sent out a few applications for jobs but you hadn’t gotten any answers yet and you were starting to get a bit bored. You would have gladly taken care of the house or garden, but there was staff hired for that and the only thing you could do to help around the house was to cook dinner for Marshall when he came back from work. You enjoyed it but it was clearly not enough to fill your days and you were starting to feel like one of those rich, bored housewives. Helping Talia with the wedding was a welcome distraction and you took the task with the utmost seriousness. You had always been a sucker for weddings and you knew full well it would be the only one you would get to organize so you decided to enjoy it. Every day after she got off from work, your friend would come to your place and your living room was soon filled with bridal magazines and moodboards for what was set to be the wedding of the century. Jamal’s work as a renowned beatmaker allowed them to have a very comfortable lifestyle and he had made clear that, whatever Talia wanted for the wedding, she would get. And she happened to have expensive taste, as well as a never-ending guest list.

I will never find a venue, she loudly complained. I either hate the places we’re looking at, or they’re simply not big enough.

You let out a sympathetic laugh. With the immense guest list they had, it was no surprise that finding a venue would be challenging. It seemed like every single person they had ever met would be invited.

We will find something, you said with a smile. Or maybe you could try and shrink the guest list ?

Jamal put you up to this, didn’t he ? She sighed. He keeps on telling me that we should keep it small. If it were up to him, we would elope…

That could be super romantic, you know, you said tentatively. I mean… How many people on your guest list do you actually keep in touch with anyway ?

I want my princess wedding, she said. You don’t know what it is. You’ll see when you get engaged !

I’m not getting married, you reminded her. Marshall doesn’t want to get married. You know it, I know it, everybody knows it.

I can’t believe you’re willing to accept that, though, she said with an eye roll. You, of all people, not getting married ?

You know I’m a sucker for weddings and all things “traditional family”, you chuckled. But I’d rather never get married and be with Marshall than the other way around. He means more to me than a dress I’d wear for a day.

You know I love Em, but I just don’t get it, she shrugged before munching on a cupcake you had baked earlier. He’s old, so I get the “not wanting kids” part. But you moved back here for him and you decided to give up on kids to be with him, so the least he could do is put a ring on it, you know ?

We just got back together, you giggled. And don’t get me wrong, if he asked for my hand, I would say yes. I mean, he is the love of my life. But he seems pretty adamant. And as long as I’m with him, I’m good, so really… Doesn’t matter.

Still… I never thought you would be ready to renounce marriage and children for any man.

You could absolutely see where Talia was coming from. You had spent countless hours talking about wedding stuff, since the two of you had met. You had actually bonded over your love of romantic movies and series and watched countless wedding-related TV shows. But you had made your choice and you understood that Marshall didn’t want that. And after all, he was right : you didn’t need to sign a piece of paper to be in a loving, committed relationship. As long as you got to experience life with him and make great memories, you were happy. And as for the fun you would have had planning your own wedding, you would live vicariously through Talia, who would be the most beautiful bride. The conversation shifted and you got back to your order of business : the wedding. You looked at venues while she took a fun break and looked at the Vera Wang website.

I’m going to be sick, Talia muttered after a while.

Come on, you chuckled. The bridal collections can’t be that bad…

No, I’m really feeling sick, she said before running to the bathroom.

You heard her puke profusely and looked at the plate of cupcakes. She had eaten about half a dozen. You had eaten a few yourself, though not nearly as much, and you were feeling fine, so you doubted that your baking was actually to blame. When she came back from the bathroom, she looked rather ill and tired.

Do you want some tea ? You offered.

Yes, please, she said in a croaky voice.

Lay on the couch, I’ll make it. Do you think you caught a stomach bug or something ?

I don’t know, she said in a small voice. Maybe it’s my period ? I’ve been waiting for it to actually come for a while.

Wait… You’re late ? You asked with a raised eyebrow.

You stared at her in disbelief and started to put two and two together. In the past days, she had complained about being tired and bloated, but you didn’t think too much of it. However, now that you knew she was late, it made you think of your own symptoms, from when you were pregnant. That’s how it had started after all : feeling tired, hungry and bloated, with a bit of morning sickness to top it off.

I can’t be pregnant, Talia said with a terrified look on her face. My mother gave me enough shit about living with Jamal before being married, she will kill me if I have a baby out of wedlock.

Maybe it’s just a false alarm. You’re using protection, right ? You asked as you tried to reassure her.

Of course, she said. I mean, except once, but what would be the odds ?

When was that ? You asked with a raised eyebrow.

Hum… The night we got engaged ? She said nervously.

You opened big eyes. The night they got engaged was the night Jamal brought condoms to your room. And doing the math, it would make sense and explain Talia’s period being quite a bit late. On some level… You were the one who stopped taking the pill after your breakup and your best friend might as well be the one who ended up pregnant. You convinced her to take a pregnancy test and the two of you ended up driving to the nearest pharmacy, buying one from every brand. When you got back home, Talia was shaking with nerves.

You’ll be fine, you said as you gave her a hug. You guys have been together for ages and you guys have talked about having kids before. You know he will be supportive.

I know but… Right before the wedding ?! She asked nervously. That was not the plan, Y/N. I wanted to look good in my dress, I wanted to show off my figure in a bikini on a Hawaiian beach for my honeymoon…

Only one way to find out, you said. Now, go and take the test !

In true bestie fashion, you sat on the tub while Talia was peeing on the stick. She handed it to you during the mandatory three minute waiting period. You had been there before and you knew damn well how she might be feeling. You held her hand and started to feel overcome with nerves, as well as many other emotions. You were probably a bad friend for this, and you would never confess to feeling this way, but deep down, you were feeling envious. You were content with your life, but some shameful part of you felt like you would have been in her place, if you hadn’t broken up with Simon. You would most likely be engaged, maybe with a rainbow baby on the way. In a way, you were envious. Of course, being with Marshall was everything you wanted and you loved him more than hypothetical plans of having kids or getting married, and Talia was more than deserving of these things, but it was stronger than you. When the alarm on your phone rang, both you and Talia took a deep breath.

I can’t look at it, she said.

You sort of have to, you pointed out. You have to know, right ?

You look at it and tell me.

You nervously took the stick and looked at it. Two lines. Positive.

You’re… pregnant, you said in a blank voice.

She gasped and looked at it herself. She freaked out and refused to believe it, trying to convince the both of you that it might be a false positive and she ended up guzzling almost a gallon of water and taking another test. Then another one. And another one. Of course, all of them had the same result : your best friend was definitely pregnant.

I’m pregnant, she said in disbelief. I’m really pregnant.

How are you feeling ? You asked.

I… I can’t believe it, she simply said. I am pregnant.

She stared at the numerous tests on the sink and put a hand on her belly. She stared at you as tears welled up in her eyes.

I’m pregnant, she repeated.

Look, if you don’t feel ready, you can absolutely…, you began.

No, she said. I think… I’m happy. I’m having a baby with the love of my life. I’m so happy.

She took you in her arms and held you tightly as she sobbed with happiness. You were emotional - for a lot of different reasons - and you felt a tear roll on your cheek. Talia was the kindest soul you had ever met and you had absolutely no doubt that she would be an amazing mother. She was already so good at taking care of people.

You’re going to be a splendid mom, you said softly. That baby is going to be so lucky.

You’re going to be the best aunt, she said emotionally.

And Jamal is going to be the greatest Dad on earth !

Oh my God, I have to tell Jamal ! She said. And my mom ? Do I call my mom ? And the wedding ?! What do I do ?!?!

You could see her go through so many emotions at once. You tried your best to reassure her and walked her through what she needed to do. First, you told her to go home and break the news to Jamal before telling anyone else. Then, she would have to make some medical appointments to ensure everything was alright with her pregnancy. As for the wedding, you assured her that, whether they wanted to elope or wait until after the baby was born, you would do your best to make sure her dreams came true and that she would have the most beautiful wedding. Whatever she needed, you would be there for her. She hugged you tight before leaving your place, making you promise that you would not tell a soul, not even Marshall.

MARSHALL’S POV

Marshall sighed in relief as he drove past the gate of his property. The past few days at the studio had been pretty rough : nothing seemed to be going right and it was starting to get on his nerves. The week had started with an artist postponing a recording and writing session they were supposed to have together, as well as a sample clearing issue. However, there was a bigger problem : whenever he wanted to write, he couldn’t bring himself to. Whenever he jotted down some ideas or words on a page, everything felt insanely corny or simply wrong. He knew that was to be expected, though : whenever his personal life was peaceful, that’s when he found it harder to write and, right now, things happened to be going great at home. Every morning, he woke up with the biggest smile on his face, happy to be with the woman he loved. She was truly amazing and he loved living with her. She was easy to get along with and she took care of him by cooking, baking and providing him with comfort whenever he needed. There was literally nothing for him to complain about and, deep down, maybe it was what was lacking. When they were broken up, he was hurting and felt like shit but at least, it was a familiar feeling. As hard as it had been, he had learned to thrive on sadness, hurt, anger and resentment. Happiness, on the other hand, felt foreign to him, especially when it was this peaceful and domestic. There was always this irrational part of him that felt like it was too good to be true and was in panic mode. When he was with Kim, this kind of calm, peace and happiness only meant a storm was coming and that he was about to be brought to his knees. Same when he was a teenager living with his mother : when things were going great, it always meant drama was coming their way. So, obviously, he had developed trust issues and always felt odd when things were going good. Of course, he loved being with Y/N and he would not have it any other way. But at the same time, he couldn’t shake the feeling of anxiety.

When he got home, he found Y/N reading yet another bridal magazine on the couch while a documentary was playing on the living room TV. He immediately joined her and pulled her in for a hug. Her presence was just what he needed. However, she seemed a bit more distracted than usual.

How was wedding planning today ? He asked as he settled and pulled her legs over his knees.

Eventful, she replied.

Really ? What happened ? Did you argue about the color of the bridesmaids dresses ? He chuckled.

No, no, she said. I mean, whatever, it’s not really interesting.

Are you alright ? He asked.

Yeah… How was your day ?

She seemed a little nervous and preoccupied, but he figured that Talia was probably to blame. Jamal’s fiancée was amazing, but she did keep Y/N busy with wedding planning and he knew that she was definitely the type to turn into a bridezilla. He told his girlfriend about his day and a meeting he had about upcoming performance dates. He was set to be a headliner for Lollapalooza, not only in the US but also in Europe and South America. He tried to focus on the positive and keep his writing struggles to himself.

How would you feel about coming with me for Lollapalooza ? He asked.

I don’t know, she shrugged.

Come on, he said with a smile. It could be fun. I don’t want to be away from you for too long. And you could also enjoy the festival, see concerts, and we could travel a bit between the performance dates and make it romantic. What do you think ?

That could be fun, she agreed. I don’t know if I’ll be free, though.

I think Talia can do without you for a little while, he chuckled.

No, I meant… From work, she corrected. In case I find something, you know ? But maybe Talia will need me too. I don’t know.

We’ll see, he said with a smile. Are you sure you’re ok ? You seem… Gloomy ?

I’m fine, she shrugged. Sorry. I guess I’m just under the weather.

You’re working too hard for this wedding, he said as he took the magazine from her hands and pulled her closer to him. Come here.

She hummed and buried her face in his neck. They cuddled in this position for a while and he started to relax. The warmth of her breath on his skin was doing a good job soothing him and making him forget about the frustrations of the day. From the day she walked into his life, she had been a peaceful presence for him and getting to come home to her in the evening was a blessing he was definitely grateful for. He enjoyed being in a bubble with her and being able to forget about the pressure of his work. They didn’t need to speak, her mere presence in the room and her touch were enough for him to be able to ease up.

I missed you today, he said as he kissed her temple.

I missed you too, she replied.

If you didn’t have that appointment tomorrow, I’d take you to work with me, he continued. I could use your hugs throughout the day.

What appointment ? She asked, seemingly confused.

Your OB/GYN appointment for your contraception. Isn’t that tomorrow ?

Oh, right, she said sheepishly. I forgot about that.

Are you ok, babe ? He asked with his eyebrows furrowed. I mean… If you don’t want to take the pill, it’s fine, we can stick to condoms.

No, no, it’s not that, she replied.

What’s wrong, then ?

Nothing, she said. Sorry. Mind if I go lie down before preparing dinner ? I don’t feel too well.

No, of course not, he said softly. Do you want me to come with you ?

Don’t worry, she said. You can stay here.

She got up and kissed his cheek before heading to their bedroom. Something definitely seemed off. Ever since they got back from Europe, she had been in a rather good mood, even considering the situation with her Dad. Now, she almost seemed depressed and he had no idea why. He decided to let her rest, figuring that she was probably just tired or that her period might be on the way. A couple of hours later, he went to see her and ask if she was hungry. She immediately offered to cook something for him, even though she didn’t plan on eating, but he told her not to bother. Y/N was laying in bed, wearing one of his tee-shirts, doom scrolling on her phone, the preoccupied look still on her face. He kissed her and went to the kitchen for a quick sandwich and a can of diet coke. When he was done, he threw his can in the trash and saw three sticks that looked all too familiar : pregnancy tests. Ever since he got back with Y/N, they’d had protected sex and, on one occasion when the condom broke, she had gotten emergency contraception. There was no way she could be pregnant. So why the hell had she taken these tests ? In a matter of seconds, his heart had started pounding in his chest. He nervously grabbed one of the tests, hoping it was negative. But there were clearly two lines. Positive. So were the two other ones. He felt terrified and dizzy. That had to be a nightmare. He could not have a baby. Not at fifty-two. Not when he had sworn that he would not have any more children. If anything, he was the last person on earth that should have kids. He loved his daughters, obviously, and even though raising them was his biggest accomplishment, it was also the hardest thing he had ever had to do. Seeing the two lines on the pregnancy tests gave him flashbacks of all the sleepless nights he’d had, tossing and turning, doubting himself and being terrified to mess things up. There was no way he would be able to do it all over again. Now that his daughters were grown-up and out of the house, he wanted to take it easy, enjoy life with Y/N and be able to do whatever he wanted. The last thing he expected was to change diapers, get up in the middle of the night and just struggle all over again. He took his face in his hands. He could not do this, and especially not with Y/N. She had not even been sober for two years. He had been there with Kim and he knew what it was like to see the mother of his children relapse and struggle with sobriety. No kid ever deserved this and he was simply not strong enough to raise a kid with another addict. Not again. He tried to pace himself but he couldn’t. He had to talk to her. He did not understand. Why hadn’t she told him she was late ? When did she take the test ? Why didn’t she tell him she was pregnant ? He had so many questions. He grabbed the sticks and walked to the bedroom to confront her.

Please tell me it’s a prank, he said as he walked in. Please tell me it’s not true. Please tell me they’re fake.

Fake what ? What prank ? She asked as she looked up. There’s no prank.

So it’s real ?! He blurted out. How long did you think you could hide this from me ?!

Hide what from you ? She asked as her eyebrows knitted.

THIS ! He yelled as he threw the pregnancy tests on the bed.

He was livid. His anxiety had simply turned to anger. The idea that she could have the audacity to pretend not to know what he was talking about was driving him crazy. Had she even taken the plan B pill ? He couldn’t think straight anymore. He felt betrayed and trapped. He could see her face change as she saw the pregnancy tests. Her face started to crumble and tears started to roll on her cheeks. But if she thought he would fall for it, she was wrong. No amount of crying would work and she was not getting away with it.

Don’t even try that shit with me, Y/N, he said coldly. You don’t get to pretend you have no idea when I’m talking about when I just found these fucking pregnancy tests. And you don’t get to cry when you’re the one who tried to hide that shit for me. What were you fucking thinking ?! Were you waiting for the legal delay for an abortion to be over ? For an ultrasound to soften me up ?!

W-What ? She asked. No, Marshall, it’s not…

What is it, huh ?! Fuck, we talked about this, we fucking broke up over this, so don’t tell me you didn’t fucking know how I feel about having kids, he continued. I’m not having another kid. Especially not with you. When you get to the doctor tomorrow, you better ask him to point you to the nearest abortion clinic !

She stared at him in shock. Her mouth was slightly open, she was still crying but she looked in disbelief. What was she thinking ? That he would jump up at the news ? He shook his head and headed to the bathroom to get ready for bed.

It’s Talia, she said. She…

Of course it’s Talia, he scoffed. Of course your stupid friend put you up to this. Do you know the number of times she told me to suck it up and agree to marriage, babies and shit and get you back ? I gotta hand it to her, she’s fucking persistent. Though I must admit I didn’t think she would put you up to this.

At this point, he wasn’t even thinking about what he was saying, just spitting his words in a spiteful way. As seconds went by, he was getting more and more worked up. He didn’t care about this pregnancy. He did not want to. He simply refused this possibility. There was no way he was having another baby. He loved Y/N but there was no way he would have a kid with her.

You’re not the first person to try this with me, you know ? He spat. I should have known better. But you’re the last person I would have expected to try and fuck me ovI-

I’M NOT PREGNANT ! Y/N finally yelled before throwing the tests back in his face.

You’re not ?! He asked in disbelief. Whose fucking tests are they then ?!

TALIA’S ! TALIA IS PREGNANT, YOU ASSHOLE ! NOT ME !

He felt a sudden wave of relief wash over him. He didn’t realize he needed to breathe that much, but it felt like he had a whole bottle of oxygen poured into his lungs. He felt at least thirty pounds lighter. Y/N, on the other hand, looked absolutely livid. And why wouldn’t she ? He realized he had basically insulted her, blinded by anger. As his mind got a little clearer, he recognized he might have gone a little overboard.

Thank God, he sighed. Babe, I…

Cut it, she said as she got up from bed and started to leave the room.

Wait, he pleaded as he grabbed her arm.

She jerked her arm and groaned before going to the corridor. He followed her, trying to apologize and get her to talk to him.

Y/N, I’m sorry, he said sheepishly.

Please, she scoffed. You’re not sorry.

I am, he assured her. Nerves got the best of me. I’m really sorry.

Well, at least I got to know what you really think of me, she said.

Where are you going ? He asked as she went down the stairs.

On the couch. I don’t know about you, but I usually don’t sleep in the same room as people who think I am capable of betraying them, she spat.

I didn’t say that, he defended himself knowing full well he had, indeed, said that.

You did, Marshall, she said coldly. You literally said I tried to fuck you over. And not only do you think I am a terrible person, you also insulted my best friend.

You’re not sleeping in the living room, it’s stupid, he said.

Well I would have appreciated waiting until tomorrow to gather my things and figure out my next move, she pointed out.

Your next… Y-You want to… leave ?!

She did not answer. She only shrugged. Her demeanor and gaze were cold. She was clearly pissed, understandably so. But… Leaving ? She couldn’t leave him. He couldn’t lose her. He had promised to himself he would do everything in his power not to. The idea of her leaving put him in a state of panic and brought him back to their breakup, to that fateful Saturday morning, over pancakes, about seven or eight months ago.

You can’t leave.

Why should I stay ?! She spat. Why should I stay with someone who thinks I am capable of betraying them ?

I didn’t mean that, he pleaded. I panicked, I’m sorry. Babe, I love you. I know you’d never… Fuck, I… Don’t leave me. Please.

Let’s be clear, she said as she looked at him dead in the eyes. The only reason I’m still standing here is because my best friend is telling her future husband that they’re having a child and there is no way in hell I’m ruining that moment for her. Otherwise, I’d be over there and back in my old room already.

Don’t do this, he said on the verge of tears. Please don’t leave me. I just… You seemed a little off, today, and you said it had been eventful, and when I saw the tests, I… I don’t know, I panicked.

The reason I was off is because my best friend just told me she was pregnant, you dumbass ! She yelled. I was off because I had to stand in my own bathroom and hold these fucking pregnancy tests and see that they were positive and they’re not mine !

She was starting to cry again. She mumbled something in French and went to the living room, as he followed in her step. She sat on the couch and brought her knees to her chin. He stood there, watching her.

Just leave, she said.

No, he replied. I want to talk about it. I want to make things right between us. I’m so sorry…

You want to talk ? Let’s talk then, she said sarcastically. You said you’re not having another kid, especially not with me. What was that ?

I just don’t want more kids, he said evasively. I’m in my fifties, I’ve had three daughters, I don’t want more.

I know that, she said as she rolled her eyes. And I respect that. But answer the damn question, Marshall. What did you mean about me ?!

It doesn’t matter, he pleaded. It really doesn’t. You don’t want a kid, do you ?!

Believe me, the last thing on my wish list is to have a baby, especially with you, she replied.

Then it doesn’t matter, he simply said. I was out of line, I shouldn’t have accused you and I’m sorry. Let’s go to bed, I’ll make it up to you.

Just say it, she said firmly. If you don’t, I swear to God, I’m packing a suitcase, calling a cab and booking a hotel room.

I meant addicts like us don’t get to make that kind of mistakes, Y/N, he sighed. Addicts are shitty parents. I should know.

Wow, she simply scoffed.

She was staring at him with a look of both pain and disdain. He had obviously struck a chord. She closed her eyes and sighed.

Why do you even bother with me ? She questioned. Why did you take me back ?

What do you mean ? He asked nervously. I love you, I want to be with you.

Why would you want to be with someone who you obviously think is not good enough ?! That’s just stupid, she pointed out. Why bother ?

What ?! No, Y/N, I don’t… Of course you’re good enough.

You know, I’m fine with your choices, she said with a hint of sadness. I respect that you’re done with marriage, and that you’re done with having kids. But you thinking I shouldn’t get to have children ? That fucking hurts.

I’m sorry…

STOP ! She screamed. You’re not sorry. I was ready to renounce having kids. Because I love you more than any unborn child. But do you even realize how much it hurts to know that if I had actually gotten accidentally pregnant, the person I sacrificed everything to be with would not support me ?!

He felt his heart strain a little. Seeing the pain on her face made him feel like the worst asshole in the world. To be fair, if she had actually been pregnant, he would have supported her. Sure, he thought abortion would be a better option, but he would never force her. If they had been in that situation - and thank God they weren’t - he would have stood by her side and supported her to the best of his abilities. He had simply been mean and stupid. Once again, anger had gotten the best of him.

I would have been there, he said. Of course I would have been. I love you, Y/N.

But you think I would be a shitty mom, she pointed out.

I’ve seen addiction ruin families, he explained. It certainly ruined mine, in more ways than one.

You still think of me as an addict, don’t you ? She asked on the verge of tears. No matter how long I can stay sober, you think I can’t be trusted ever again ?

I-I don’t know, he replied honestly. In my book, an addict is an addict. I still think of myself as an addict. It doesn’t mean people can’t improve or recover but… It’s tricky. But I love you. I love you more than life itself, baby.

She looked at him and simply shrugged. No matter what he said, he got the feeling that it would not matter much. He hated that angry side of himself. It wasn’t the first time that his anger got the best of him and ruined everything. He had been to therapy for his anger for years but, right when he thought he had made progress, it had to come and bite him in the ass once again.

Please talk to me, he begged. Please say something.

I have my appointment tomorrow morning, she simply said. I’ll pack my things when I get back. I will be out of here by the time you get back from work tomorrow.

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