crying over bruce roasting jeff for breaking his trophy and calling him his "wanna-be, loser, ass hat friend." GET HIS ASS

round up // JULY 21

‘Tis the season to beat the heat at the always-cold theatres and next to fans set at turbo speed. While my movie watching slowed a bit with the launch of the Summer Olympics on July 23rd, I’ve still got plenty of popcorn-ready and artsy recommendations for you. A few themes in the new-to-me pop culture I’m recommending this month:

Casts oozing with embarrassing levels of talent (sometimes overqualified for the movies they’re in)

Pop culture that is responding or reinterpreting past pop culture

Stories that get weEeEeird

Keep on-a-scrollin’ to see which is which!

July Crowd-Pleasers

1. Double Feature – ‘90s Rom-Coms feat. Lots of Lies: Mystery Date (1991) + The Pallbearer (1996)

In Mystery Date (Crowd: 7.5/10 // Critic: 6/10), Ethan Hawke and Teri Polo get set up on a blind date that gets so bizarre and crime-y I’m not sure how this didn’t come out in the ‘80s. In The Pallbearer (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 7/10), David Schwimmer and Gwyneth Paltrow try to combine The Graduate with Four Weddings and a Funeral in a story about lost twentysomethings. If you don’t like rom-coms in which circumstances depend on lots of lies and misunderstandings, these won’t be your jam, but if you’re like me and don’t mind these somewhat-cliché devices, you’ll be hooked by likeable casts and plenty of rom and com.

2. The Tomorrow War (2021)

I thought of no fewer movies than this list while watching: Alien, Aliens, Angel Has Fallen, Cloverfield, Interstellar, Kong: Skull Island, Prometheus, A Quiet Place: Part II, Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back, Star Wars: The Revenge of the Sith, The Silence of the Lambs, The Terminator, Terminator 2: Judgment Day, and World War Z. And you know what? I like all those movies! (Okay, maybe I just have a healthy respect/fear of The Silence of the Lambs.) The Tomorrow War may not be original, but it borrows some of the best tropes and beats from the sci-fi and action genres, so much so I wish I could’ve seen Chris Pratt and Co. fight those gross monsters on a big screen. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 6/10

3. Dream a Little Dream (1989)

My July pick for the Dumb Rom-Com I Nevertheless Enjoyed! I CANNOT explain the mechanics of this body switch comedy to you—nor can the back of the DVD case above—but, boy, what an ‘80s MOOD. I did not know I needed to see a choreographed dance routine starring Jason Robards and Corey Feldman, but I DID. All I know is some movies are made for me and that I’m now a card-carrying member of the Two Coreys fan club. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 6.5/10

4. Black Widow (2021)

The braids! The Pugh! Black Widow worked for me both as an exciting action adventure and as a respite from the Marvel adventures dependent on a long memory of the franchise. (Well, mostly—keep reading for a second MCU rec much more dependent on the gobs of previous releases.) Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 7.5/10

5. Liar Liar (1997)

Guys, Jim Carrey is hilarious. That’s it—that’s the review. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 7/10

6. Sob Rock by John Mayer (2021)

It’s very possible I’ve already listened to this record more than all other John Mayer records. It doesn’t surpass the capital-G Greatness of Continuum, but it’s a little bit of old school Mayer, a little bit ‘80s soft rock/pop, and I’ve had it on repeat most of the two weeks since it’s been out. Featuring the boppiest bop that ever bopped, at least one lyrical gem in every track, and an ad campaign focused on Walkmans, this record skirts the line between Crowd faves and Critic-worthy musicianship.

7. Double Feature – ‘00s Ben Affleck Political Thrillers: The Sum of All Fears (2002) + State of Play (2009)

In The Sum of All Fears (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 7.5/10), Ben Affleck is Jack Ryan caught up in yet another international incident. In State of Play (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 7/10), he’s a hotshot Congressman caught up in a scandal. Both are full of plot twists and unexpected turns, and in both, Affleck is accompanied by actors you’re always happy to see, like Jason Bateman, James Cromwell, Russell Crowe, Jeff Daniels, Viola Davis, Morgan Freeman, Philip Baker Hall, David Harbour, Rachel McAdams, Helen Mirren, Liev Schreiber, and Robin Wright—yes, I swear all of those people are in just those two movies.

8. Loki (2021-)

Unlike Black Widow, you can’t go into Loki with no MCU experience. The show finds clever ways to nudge us with reminders (and did better at it than Falcon and the Winter Soldier), but be forewarned that at some point, you’re just going to have to let go and accept wherever this timeline-hopper is taking you. An ever-charismatic cast keeps us grounded (Owen Wilson, Jonathan Majors, and an alligator almost steal the show from Tom Hiddleston in some eps), but while Falcon lasted an episode or two too long, Loki could’ve used a few more to flesh out its complicated plot and develop its characters. Thankfully, the jokes matter almost as much as the sci-fi, so you can still have fun even if you have no idea what’s going on.

9. Double Feature – Bruce Willis: Die Hard With a Vengeance (1995) + The Whole Nine Yards (2000)

Before Bruce Willis began starring in many random direct-to-DVD movies I only ever hear about in my Redbox emails, he was a Movie Star smirking his way up the box office charts. In the third Die Hard (Crowd: 10/10 // Critic: 7.5/10), he teams up with Samuel L. Jackson to decipher the riddles of a terrorist madman (Jeremy Irons), and it’s a thrill ride. In The Whole Nine Yards (Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 8/10), he’s hitman that screws up dentist Matthew Perry’s boring life in Canada, and—aside from one frustrating scene of let’s-objectify-women-style nudity—it’s hilarious.

10. This Is the End (2013)

On paper, this is not a movie for me. An irreverent stoner comedy about a bunch of bros partying it up before the end of the world? None of things are for Taylors. But with a little help of a TV edit to pare down the raunchy and crude bits, I laughed my way through and spent the next several days thinking through its exploration of what makes a good person. While little of the plot is accurate to Christian Gospel and theology, some of its big ideas are consistent enough with the themes of the book of Revelation I found myself thinking about it again in church this morning. (Would love to know if Seth Rogen ever expected that.) Plus, I love a good self-aware celebrity spoof—can’t tell you how many times I’ve just laughed remembering the line, “It’s me, Jonah Hill, from Moneyball”—and an homage to horror classics. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 7/10

July Critic Picks

1. Summer of Soul (…or, When the Television Could Not Be Televised) (2021)

Even director Questlove didn’t know about the Harlem Cultural Festival, but now he’s compiled the footage so we can all enjoy one of the coolest music fest lineups ever, including The 5th Dimension, B.B. King, Gladys Knight and the Pips, Nina Simone, Sly and the Family Stone, and Stevie Wonder, who made my friend’s baby dance more than once in the womb. See it on the big screen for top-notch audio. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 9/10

2. Good Morning, Vietnam (1987)

Robin Williams takes on the bureaucracy, disillusionment, and malaise of the Vietnam War with comedy. Williams was a one-of-a-kind talent, and here it’s on display at a level on par with Aladdin. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 9/10

3. Against the Rules Season 2 (2020-21)

Michael Lewis (author of Moneyball, adapted into a film starring Jonah Hill), is interested in how we talk about fairness. This season he looks at how coaches impact fairness in areas like college admissions, credit cards, and youth sports. 

4. Bugsy Malone (1976)

A gangster musical starring only children? It’s a little like someone just picked ideas out of a hat, but somehow it works. You can hear why in the Bugsy Malone episode Kyla and I released this month on SO IT’S A SHOW?, plus how this weird artifact of a film connects with Gilmore Girls.

5. The Queen (2006)

Before The Crown, Peter Morgan wrote The Queen, focusing on Queen Elizabeth II (Helen Mirren) in the days following the death of Princess Diana. It’s a complex and compassionate drama, both for the Queen and for Prime Minister Tony Blair (Michael Sheen, who has snuck up on me to become a favorite character actor). Maybe I’ve got a problem, but I’ll never tire of the analysis of this famous family. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 9.5/10

6. The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean (1972)

This month at ZekeFilm, we took a closer look at Revisionist Westerns we’ve missed. I fell hard for Roy Bean, and I think you will, too, if for no other reason than you might like a story starring Jacqueline Bisset, Ava Gardner, John Huston, Paul Newman, and Anthony Perkins. Oh, and a bear! Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 10/10

7. New Trailer Round Up

Naked Singularity (Aug. 6) – John Boyega in a crime thriller!

Queenpins (Aug. 10) – A crime comedy about extreme coupon-ing!

Dune (Oct. 1) – I’ve been cooler on the anticipation for this film, but this new look has me cautiously intrigued thanks to the Bardem + Bautista + Brolin + Chalamet + Ferguson + Isaac + Momoa + Zendaya of it all.

The Last Duel (Oct. 15) – Affleck! Damon! Driver!

Ghostbusters: Afterlife (Nov. 11) - I’m not sure why we need this, but I’m down for the Paul Rudd + Finn Wolfhard combo

King Richard (Nov. 19) - Will Smith as Venus and Serena’s father!

Encanto (Nov. 24) – Disney and Lin-Manuel Miranda making more magic together!

House of Gucci (Nov. 24) - Gaga! Pacino! Driver! 

Also in July…

Kyla and I took a look at the classic supernatural soap Dark Shadows and why Sookie might be obsessed with it on Gilmore Girls.

I revisited a so-bad-it’s-good masterpiece that’s a surrealist dream even Fellini couldn’t have cooked up. Yes, for ZekeFilm I wrote about the Vanilla Ice movie, Cool as Ice, which is now a part of my Blu-ray collection.

Photo credits: Against the Rules. All others IMDb.com.

Random fic rec, just because I'm in a very appreciative mood and would like to give a shout-out to some frankly amazing writers:

The March of The Black Queen and Killer Queen by @borealis-strange

You like Queen? You like fantasy, magic and adventure? Some beautiful friendship moments, perhaps? Then you need to read this amazing series by this extremely talented, and unfairly underappreciated writer!!!

And you ask yourself, how did I get here by Sharonglitterbombjohn who sadly deactivated on here. A very raw, heartbreaking fem!queen fic that will make you cry like a damn waterfall.

Calling All Ladies by @nightoftheland. One of the first fem!queen fics I've read, which pretty much got me into this AU. It's hard to make me blush, but this super steamy story managed.

The Millionaire's Dinner by @stars-across-space. This one's for the more kinky crowd- quite delicious, if you ask me! And it's fem!queen, too!

Solitary Fame and Rhiannon by @emmaandorlando. The first one is a gorgeous piece written for the Freddie Mercury Weekend, which admittedly became one of my favorites. The second one is a fic that I would just call "THE fem!maylor fic".

The Spoiled Brat Universe by @feedermercury. This is once again for those with a specific kink, but this cool series offers more than that; there's plenty of fluff, too!

Always On My Own by @freesiafields. A beautiful fic written for the Freddie Mercury Weekend, that broke my heart and then put it back together by the end.

Like Tops, Like Gyroscopes and Va' Tu Sei Libero by @freddieofhearts. I'm not gonna lie: reading these fics will hurt. Like, a lot. But both of these are heartbreakingly beautiful and realistic.

So tell me (why my gods look like you) by @iamnotbrianmay. This is not a fic: this feels more like a beautiful poem, something that sticks with you after reading it. An utterly gorgeous fem!queen story.

Canon fluorescent!verse by @immistermercury. It was extremely hard to pick just a few fics from this certain author, who, I believe, is one of the (if not THE) best Jimercury writers in this fandom. This beautiful, often heartbreaking but more often uplifting series of Freddie, the young ballet dancer pushing through all the hardships that life is throwing at him, while finding the love of his life and having a family, is absolutely touching. I'd recommend it to everyone.

The Words Unsaid by @queensilveryrog. This story of model!brian and photographer!john just absolutely blew my mind. It's insane how much emotion this author managed to put into such a short story!

Death On Two Legs by JessiDWalton who I believe is not on tumblr (at least I couldn't find them). This is the hot Maylor demon!AU that I didn't know I needed.

When the monster is too big to slay by @jessahmewren. You can just tell I love breaking my own heart, right? Gosh, the emotions in this! And the dialogue is simply gorgeous all throughout.

I Will Tell You I Love You by lover_of_blue_roses (i think they are also not on tumblr). A sweet Jimercury fic featuring the famous bath video and some sexy times.

Dawn of Aquarius and Blacklight in Zero Gravity by @a-froger-epic. I keep saying that the first fic feels like watching an artsy indie movie - check it out for yourself, if you haven't yet! The ultimate Froger fic, which is painfully realistic and gives you a good glimpse at what life was like for a young gay man in the '60s. The second one is a thrilling Frian fic set in the future - I promise you, you will fall in love with it after the very first chapter.

Calling All Boys and The Way You Love Me Like You Do by @nothingelsematterswrites. The first one is a Deacury/Maylor Tinder AU- did I get you hooked yet? The second one is one of the hottest poly!queen one-shots I've ever read.

Loverboy by @his-majesty-king-mercury. A super sweet Froger story, with plenty of drama- and then a wonderful ending!

Let Your Heart Decide by @pumpkinlilyao3. Only three chapters in, and I'm already in love- another fantastic Froger fic! We love a good friends-to-lovers trope, don't we?

To Tell You When I Find You and Under The Elderberry Tree by @quirkysubject. The first fic is a Froger Titanic AU - do I need to say more? Go, and read it, everybody! Tbh, it's a thousand times better than the actual movie, with flawless characterization as well! The other mentioned fic is a cute Jimercury one-shot, that will make you cry and smile at the same time.

Safe And Sound by Stolentragedies. A fem!queen fic, in a Hunger Games setting? And also full of angst and insanely good characterization? Sign me the fuck up!

this time I know it's for real and Safeword by @freddie-mercurial. I only needed to read the summeries to these to know I will fall in love right away. One is a cute story with single parent!Brian falling for artist!Freddie, and the second is a super steamy, but also very lovely BDSM fic with healthy messages.

The entire I Lay My Life Before You series by @i-lay-my-life-before-queen. I wasn't even all that into a/b/o before I stumbled upon these fics - but these beautiful, compelling stories completely turned me around. We follow Freddie through his fight against Omega discrimination in different settings and versions- and let me tell you, every single story in this series is a touching masterpiece. I would also like to add I Reign With My Left Hand (I Rule With My Right), another fantastic a/b/o story, this time in a poly!queen setting!

hijack my heart; by @sweetestsight (I really hope it's them on tumblr too, if not, I'm sorry for the random tag). This fem!queen fic is just simply brilliant. Badass gangster ladies? Poly!Queen? Mindblowing dialogue? Girls supporting girls? If this was a movie, I would watch the shit out of it.

Don't Turn Around When You Hear Me Tread and Dim The Lights (and sing you songs) by @rhapsodicalfreddie. A secret agents, and a rockstar/groupie AU? And both of them are Frian!? *chef's kiss *

Children of The Land, Love Is Still The Answer by TheHeartOfTheStar AKA the fic that made me fall in love with the OT5 ship, complete with a beautifully written soulmate AU.

Four Men And A Rock And Roll Band and Princes of The Universe by @tikiniki. The mentioned series is what inspired me to write my very first fic. When people mention poly!queen, this writer is the one that immediately comes to my mind (i hope she's doing well!). I didn't realize I would like the second one as much as I did, but it simply blew my mind! Star Wars/Star Trek who?

These are just the ones I can list from the top of my head- but of course there are many more, and let's be real: I'm eternally grateful for all the writers in this fandom! 💕

Survey #322

“you will hear it when your god cries  /  you will see it when the sun dies  /  upon the altars of change”

What is your favorite nickname that you’ve had? "Bee," from my old best friend. I don't want others calling me it, though. Where did you go on the best date you’ve been on? A big arcade. It was a super fun double-date. Have you ever gotten a professional massage? No, and I don't want one. It'd be so awkward. What’s your favorite milkshake flavor? Chocolate. What act would you be most likely to perform in a talent show? I got nothin'. If you had braces, do you wear your retainers still? I don't. If you had braces, have your teeth moved since you got them off? Yep, because of the whole "not wearing my retainer" thing. Whose was the first baby shower you remember attending, and for what baby? I'm unsure. Possibly my sister's for her first daughter. Do you know anyone personally who’s lost a child? Many people. When was the last time you did something that felt like rebellion? So every now and again, I get a massive craving for soda at night, so I grab one from the kitchen and can hear my sleeping mother rightfully nagging me about it, haha... What is one present you got for your last birthday? Ashley got me this really cool skull bank that says "tattoo fund" on it, aha. I love it. What is one thing that you took to show and tell as a kid? I have a clear memory of bringing a Snorlax plushie one day. Do you remember losing your first tooth? Not my first, no. Are you afraid to pop a balloon? Not really, but it's kinda easy to make me jump just a lil bit when one is popped. When was the last time you laughed when you shouldn’t have? I don't know. Which was better: the first The Lion King or the second? That is fucking HARD. I adore both, but I think the original is slightly better. Do any of your grandparents have a tattoo? I'm pretty sure none of them did. Do you believe that your pets feel love towards you? My cat, definitely. As for my snake, I'm aware that snakes' brains simply aren't developed enough for love, but she clearly trusts me. Are you proud of your body? Fuck no. I'm humiliated by it every waking moment. Watermelon or cherries? I don't like either, but if I had to pick, watermelon. Favourite brand of cookies? I don't really have a favorite brand. Have you ever stuck gum under a desk/chair? No, that shit grosses me out. When shopping at a grocery store, do you return your cart or just leave it? Return your goddamn cart. What is one thing you’d never want your parents to find out? Uhhhh. I guess places I've "done it." When you were little, did you like Dr. Suess books? I did. Do you like eating out at restaurants? Yeah; at least, before Covid. What was your least favorite year of your life so far? Fuck 2016 into the next millenium. Do you like fried bologna? I haven't had it in so long that I don't really remember the taste. I think I would. Have you spent money on a game online? Yeah, very briefly with WoW. Mom was nice enough to refresh my subscription after the breakup (Jason paid for it prior), but from then on, I was rich enough in-game to use monthly game tokens to "pay." Do you put a line through your "7"s? Yes. What about your "Z"s? Also yes. Do you like cold pizza? Yeah, yummy. Do you like broccoli and cheese? Yessss. Toaster or toaster oven? We've always used a toaster oven. What are you most known for? Being artsy, I guess. Do you have any reputations? What are they? *shrug* What was the last thing to leave you speechless? No clue. What is the curviest part of your body? Well, I'm overweight, so it's difficult to tell where I'm naturally curvy... but I guess my hips. Even when I was at a perfectly healthy weight though, I don't think I was exceptionally curvy anywhere. What is your opinion on sex change? You are entirely deserving to feel comfortable in your own body. If you’re still a virgin, how important is your virginity to you? I'm not, though I thought I was when we were together, when we were really just using a loophole. It was a denial thing BECAUSE my virginity was so important to me. If you have lost it already, do you regret it? No. Would you take a break after graduating from high school (like, postpone going to college for a year or so)? I didn't. What regret keeps coming back to haunt you daily? Things I said to Jason. If you could cure yourself of one allergy, what would it be? Pollen. Would you ever post a picture of yourself crying on social media? No. Have you ever held a newborn baby? Yeah, my most recent niece I actually held. I don't THINK I held Aubree or Ryder as newborns because I was so afraid of not doing it right and hurting them. Do you know anyone who has twins? Yeah. Are you following in the career path of any family members? No. What is your favorite country in Europe? Germany. How many times have your comments been top comments on YouTube? A few times. I rarely ever comment, but if I do, it's because I feel like I really have something worth saying. Would you ever wear a wig? I'm not opposed to it. Do you like the moon or sun more? The moon. Do you like turkey or ham more? Ham. Have you ever slapped someone’s butt? Yes. Do you think dimples are ugly? I think they're cute, actually. Have you ever deleted Facebook friends for a significant other? No. Have you ever spent the night in jail? No. Do you consider yourself a good kisser? I assume I am from experiences. Do you watch Pewdiepie? Not anymore, no. His current content doesn't interest me. The most recent thing I watched was his playthrough of The Last of Us 2, because I adore the first game and definitely wanted to see him play the sequel. I think he's pretty funny and have no personal issues against him, though then again I am so uninvolved in the fandom that I have no idea if he's done something stupid again. Do you like "Despacito?" Haha, my mind went to The Dark Den's bearded dragon before the song... I'm not a fan of it, no. Did you ever color your hair pink? No, but I absolutely want to dye it pastel pink one day. :( I even edited a picture of me "testing" different hair colors out, and pastel pink looked suuuuper pretty. Do you drink energy drinks? No, they're too strong for my taste. Do you have any subscribers on YouTube? I don't now how many I have, but I know it's below 100. Do you have a Steam account? Yeah. Have you ever played Five Nights at Freddy’s? No, but I enjoy the franchise. I'm not totally clear on all the lore, though. Do you like religion? Quite honestly, no. Do you swear in front of children? No. What is the next craft you are going to make? There's no telling. I don't really do crafts. What was your favorite Backstreet Boys song? Maybe "The Call." Favorite *N Sync song? I don't remember enough of them, at least not right now. Which of those two bands did you like best? The BSB, baby. Do you learn choreography easily? When I danced, I'd say I learned at a fairly average pace. What’s your favorite candy to receive on Halloween? Reeseeeeeee's. <3 Do you have a bobblehead? No. Have you ever had a lead role in a play? No. Have you ever been insulted or called names by a significant other? No. I wouldn't tolerate that shit. What’s your favorite movie battle scene? Oh man, idk. Maybe something from Troy, though I honestly barely even remember the movie by now, haha. Have you ever been to a same-sex wedding? No, actually. Who takes care of your pet(s) when you’re out of town? Hypothetically, one of my sisters would come to feed and water Roman and clean his box. I'm certain I couldn't talk either into spraying Venus' cage, though... What was the last thing you wrote down on paper? Some group work during therapy. Did you have a Walkman when you were a kid? No. What’s your favorite recipe you’ve come up with? Oh dear, I don't make those. Do you like celery? Yuck, no. By what age could you swallow pills? I dunno. A normal age. Do you like to drink alot of water? I need to drink more. :/ I've gotten better, though. For years, I literally never drank water. How I even survived, idk. How many times have you gone fishing? Countless times. Ever been to a roller-skating rink? Yeah. I loved having bday parties there as a lil'un. What do you refer to your mother as? (Mom, momma, mommy) Mom, Ma, and Mama. Have you ever swam in the ocean? Yeah, multiple times. What is the last movie that made you cry? I think the remake of The Lion King. What would you like to swim in other than water? Nothing? If you could uninvent one thing what would you chose? Damn, just one? Maybe cigarettes? Have you ever read someone's diary? Absolutely not. I respect people's privacy. Have you ever played in a waterfall? No, but that'd be dope. Who has inspired you the most in your life? Probably Mark. Is there a place where everyone who lives near you tends to hang out? Idk. Teens sure do love to hang out at Sonic, though, reving their stupid fucking trucks. Does your alarm clock wake you with music, or with an annoying buzz sound? Music. Did you make it all the way through the Oregon Trail game? Yes; I was obsessed with those as a kid. Lions and tigers and bears, oh my! Which one are you more scared of? I feel like being alone with a tiger would scare me most. Though let's be real, I'd probably try to pet it. Have you ever changed your favorite color? From what to what? It was originally red, but then became pink when I actually understood it was its own color. Then it was maroon forever, and now it's back to pink. On a scale of 1-10, how competitive are you? Eh, 4-6? It depends on the situation, I guess. At what age did your have your most memorable birthday? My 21st, because I was in the psych hospital for it. Yes or no: Guys in skinny jeans? Yeah, man. Yes or no: Girls with dreads? Some people can pull it off. Have you ever attended a themed b-day party? What was the theme? Oh yeah, plenty. Do you have any Eminem on your iPod/MP3 player? I do. Has anybody ever given you a promise ring? No. What do you think about putting ‘spinners’ on cars? So long as they're not too distracting, I don't care. Do what you want with your car - again, so long as it is not disruptive. What celebrity do you wish would have a big comeback? I wish poor Britney Spears could catch a goddamn break and be happy again. She's a legend that doesn't deserve to feel like a puppet. Were you outdoors or indoors more as a kid? I'd say there was a pretty even split. Do you or have you ever owned a horse? No, but I LOVE horses. Have you ever had a relationship that began via text? (weird, I know, but it happens…) Most of my relationships started through a text message. Did you believe in unicorns as a small child? I don’t think so. Would you ever date a guy with longer hair than yourself? Yeah; I have short hair anyway, and I also like long hair on guys. Do you watch the show Wizards of Waverly Place? I used to love that show. Have you ever been to the rainforest? No; humidity aside though, that would be so amazing. Bats are not spooky or are they? I think they're precious. Do you like the song "Womanizer?" I sure do, actually. Do you like ice cream cake? Not really, but I'll eat it. Do you know how to change a tire? Nope. What kind of headphones do you have? Just cheap earplugs. Do you experiment a lot with new looks on yourself? No. What were some fun experiments you did in science class as a kid? Dissecting a frog was my favorite, and doing the same with an owl pellet was also very cool. What was the last strong emotion you felt? Guilt. I lied to get out of group therapy early because I was just NOT feeling it whatsoever that day, and I hate lying. Do you use dry shampoo between washes? No. Have you ever lived with someone you didn’t get along with? No. What types of animals have you had as pets? Jeez, what haven't we had... We've had cats, dogs, snakes, rats, gerbils, a rabbit, hamsters, lizards, fish, guinea pigs... Hell, I'm probably forgetting one or two. Can you name three good things about your most recent ex? She's so creative, a real advocate for proper reptile education and appreciation, and very kind. Name three bands/artists that you hate. Uhhh The Talking Heads, Bob Dylan, and The Police. What’s the best memory you have of your father? Playing softball with him in the front yard, and when he taught me to ride a bike. Should tattoos be meaningful? You get a tattoo for whatever reason you damn well want. I don't plan on all of mine to be meaningful. Some stuff I just want because I think it's cool. Are you afraid of the dark? No. Have you ever been through a trap door? No. What's the most recent good news you’ve heard? Hm. Who was the last person in your family to have a baby? My older sister. When’s the last time you used the microwave? Last night. What’s the worst thing in your life right now? Financial struggles. Have you ever owned a tire swing? No. Does anyone you know own a bird that can talk? No. Have you ever been someplace tropical? Yeah, Florida. Have Jehovah'ss witnessess ever called to your door? Yep. when was the last time you went to mass/church? I have no idea. It's been many years. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? Thank heavens no.

Notes from Stephen King’s “On Writing” 01: Selections from the First Half

The first half of King’s book is autobiographical. His childhood was very interesting to read about. Of course, even from a young age his mind revolved around writing. While the latter half of the book is where King shows us his toolbox of writing and how he practices the craft, there were still some gems of advice and inspiration to be found within the former half, which I will quote here.

Pg. 29, in regards to story ideas:

“Let's get one thing clear right now, shall we? There is no Idea Dump, no Story Central, no Island of the Buried Bestsellers; good story ideas seem to come quite literally from nowhere, sailing at you right out of the empty sky: two previously unrelated ideas come together and make something new under the sun. Your job isn't to find these ideas but to recognize them when they show up.”

Pg. 46, on his feelings when a high school teacher found one of his sci-fi short stories he was circulating about the school and asked him whey he’d “write junk like this in the first place” when he was so talented. Why would he waste his abilities like this?

“I had no answer to give. I was ashamed. I have spent a good many years since--too many, I think--being ashamed about what I write. I think I was forty before I realized that almost every writer of fiction and poetry who has ever published a line has been accused by someone of wasting his or her God-given talent. If you write (or paint or dance or sculpt or sing, I suppose), someone will try to make you feel lousy about it, that’s all.”

☝ This really meant a lot to me. I started writing when I was in the second grade, and it wasn’t until I was in high school that I found an adult who encouraged me. My parents told me it was a waste of time, I’d be poor my whole life, that what I wrote was “weird.” Of course it was all garbage back then. I was in elementary school. To this day, as much as I love writing, I am too scared to share anything I write with anyone in my family. Maybe someday I can get over that. 

Pg. 65, on striking a balance between being “artsy” and “meaningful”

“Good writing can be simultaneously intoxicating and idea-driven. ... Why shouldn’t writers be able to go bonkers and still stay sane?”

Pg. 66, his wife Tabitha explaining the meaning behind one of her poems:

“...Mankind [has a] troubling and wonderful habit of dreaming the right dreams at the wrong times.”

Pg. 77, regarding his wife’s constant support:

“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot of difference.”

Pg. 82, what he learned from writing Carrie:

“The most important is that the writer’s original perception of a character or characters may be as erroneous as the reader’s. Running a close second was the realization that stopping a piece of work just because it’s hard, either emotionally or imaginatively, is a bad idea. Sometimes you have to go on when you don’t feel like it, and sometimes you’re doing good work when it feels like all you’re managing to do is to shovel shit from a sitting position.”

Pg. 117, a caution to would-be writers:

“You can approach the act of writing with nervousness, excitement, hopefulness, or even despair--the sense that you can never completely put on the page what’s in your mind and heart. You can come to the act with your fists clenched and your eyes narrowed, ready to kick ass and take down names. you can come to it because you want a girl to marry you or because you want to change the world. Come to it any way but lightly. Let me say it again: you must not come lightly to the blank page. ... If you can take it seriously, we can do business. If you can’t or won’t, it’s time for you close this book and do something else.”

In my next post I’ll get into his knowledge and advice on writing.

Source: King, Stephen. On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft. Hodder, 2012.

Chart First Impressions: Seungcheol

For more SVT astrology posts, follow my blog! Check out my masterlist to see all the readings I’ve done so far and what I’ve got coming up! 💫

This is just a very general reading of the member’s charts — the parts that popped out to me, things I personally liked, things I thought were interesting or contrary to the image I have of them. I’m not looking at anything in particular with each reading. Some of their readings may be more aspect focused, where some may just focus solely on their personal planets and their signs. If you have any questions on specific aspects or want to request a more specific reading, feel free to send me an ask! 

the leo king we don’t deserve

he exemplifies the best leo traits imo.

so sweet, so generous with affection.

i can go on for hours about how he’s such a great leo but i’ll save that for another time.

a leo sun with a cap moon is almost destined to achieve great things.

with the ambition and confidence of a leo mixed with the sense of purpose and responsibility of a cap, they are bound towards success even if it comes with great trial and error.

they also tend to not be aware of their talent, as cap influences usually give the native a sense of insecurity despite the competence they exude.

capricorn is a sign that brings stability, and the moon in and of itself is meant to be a turbulent influence on the chart.  

a capricorn moon can often times feel as though they are swimming against the current for this reason as they are constantly attempting to bring consistency to an aspect of their lives that’s meant to be dynamic.

they expect themselves to constantly be able to perform and they hold themselves to such a high standard that when emotions naturally arise or circumstances prevent them from doing so, they struggle to give themselves slack.

they quite literally cannot fathom that they can be affected in such a way.

and to give them credit, they have such a strength of character that most of the time they still end up doing the things they set out to do regardless.

but where they struggle and where their fears lie, is in the fear of letting others as well as themselves down. they are obsessed with seeing things to completion and simply can’t tolerate anything less, and often times this concept in and of itself is a heavy enough burden for them to carry.

where leo comes in in this combo is in ambition, passion, creativity, and charm.

how charming and naturally confident cheol is, in combination with his enduring cap moon, makes him that super capable leader we all know and love.

he’s got a lot of energy flowing to his mars in libra

his sun in leo, venus in leo, and jupter in sag are all flowing energy to his mars which makes him an extremely affectionate and passionate guy.

mars being in libra means he THRIVES being around people and sincerely loves being in an environment where he feels he’s contributing and bouncing off of people he loves and respects.

ultra honest, optimistic, and sincere and has absolutely no qualms in expressing his appreciation.

super energetic and honestly just enjoys life and people.

with that being said, his mars is squared his moon in cap which can play out in a couple of different ways.

(side note: can you believe all 95 line have this aspect).

this aspect means that everything mars touches is susceptible to the fluctuation of the moon.

generally speaking, this can give him a tendency towards explosive anger and general moodiness

in cheol’s case, it’s more than likely that the cap moon insecurity and his high expectations have a great influence on this aspect of him as well.

almost everything about his chart shows that he’s an all or nothing person. his leo placements are incredibly stubborn while his cap moon means he seldom gives up on his goals.

this can mean that, if things don’t pan out how he wants, the slump he experiences afterwards is significant.

it effects his vitality, his optimism, his passion, and this can be extremely draining and, as the aspect implies, can cause bouts of frustration and anger.

his leo and cap placements make him ultra obsessive so he tends not to let things go easily either, which can add to this feeling of “if this doesn’t work out then what else is there.” (tho that may be a bit too dramatic)

that’s just one way to look at it, and it’s highly dependent on his circumstances.

it’s important that he relies on people he loves, and learns to offer himself more understanding. he may struggle in realizing that the responsibility doesn’t solely lie on him and that he’s allowed to have set backs.

his saturn is super well aspected with the other outer planets.

this really solidifies the fact he’s capable of great things.

saturn sextile uranus makes him incredibly inventive, intelligent, inquisitive.

saturn sextile neptune makes him imaginative yet practical.

saturn trine pluto gives him such a strong sense of purpose, willpower, and determination. his resilience is unbelievable and he has the confidence to match.

all of these placements give him such great and grand ideas and he has the willpower and means of seeing them to fruition.

not only that, but with a saturn in pisces this gives him a very honest, sincere, emotional, and less than concrete way of expressing these traits (i.e. via art or even philosophy).

the pisces/neptune influence is strong which kind of turns his super stable and stubborn chart into one that’s much more impressionable.

it’s very interesting because his personal planets are super steadfast, super dedicated and determined, while he also has this very soft aura about him thanks to these outer influences and if you look at his chart they are almost completely separate (check out his chart in my chart masterlist)

they make two mirroring triangles and i imagine that’s what it feels like to him.

there is a bunch of different ways that this kind of “pattern” can play out in his chart but here is one way to look at it:

it’s a mixture of vital, active, and intellectual (personal planets) vs. soft, artsy, and spiritual (outer planets).

in his control vs out of his control

tangible vs intangible

it can feel like he has this very strong calling/sense of responsibility, and this can be overwhelming as there is this separation between what he feels he’s capable of vs. what’s expected of him.

this is also where i can imagine he may experience doubt as he has this sense of purpose but cannot fathom the willpower that’d actually take.

this is where i’m gonna stop with this interpretation because i’d really need to know him better to give a truly honest reading.

but i do think it’s incredibly interesting how, the softest part of his chart, lies in his saturn. he may feel he’s too weak willed (which he isn’t) thanks to this, or may feel as though he needs to stand his ground more than he’d naturally tend towards.

what’s interesting thoooooooo

is the only way that these two sections meet is via his mercury which is quincunx to his saturn, uranus, neptune, and semisextile his pluto.

it’s through mercury’s sense of communication and curiosity that he can bridge this gap and tap into this aspect of him that may feel is too illusive/unpredictable.

he’d also probably benefit and feel comfort being in environments and with people with strong gemini/virgo influences as well as potentially pisces placements.

generally environments where passions are shared, ideas are freely tossed around, that also give him a creative outlet.

and will you look at that, that sounds like svt

even seventeen as a group’s sign is literally gemini since they debuted on May 26th, so i dunno

it’s in the stars my dude.

Also! As you're studying creative and professional writing: do you have any writing advice? Anything you picked up along the way that's incredibly helpful with your original fiction and fanfic?

alright, i’m gonna try and culminate the last three years of my degree into the most helpful advice i received that i can remember and it might be completely useless to you all but who cares:

adverbs are the enemy. if you can say she smiled prettily you can sure as hell take another four words to describe what was pretty about her smile instead. (if you gotta keep 1 or 2 adverbs in, fine, but purge the rest.)

kill your darlings is usually relevant but only because that one sentence you love so much is usually only loved because it doesn’t actually fit in with everything else. if your darling fits and works, don’t go killing it - raise everything surrounding it to that standard.

when posting articles/content online (especially on websites like medium), post towards the back end of the week, in the second half of the day. wednesday and thursday are the best ones for it. the algorithms of medium and other websites will make sure the article ends up trickling into friday, when bored employees go online during their breaks, and if enough of them read it, it’ll be especially popular over the weekend. (case in point, i did exactly this for this essay on depression.)

be warned though, popularity can be down to your tagging system, your title, any featured image and subtitle. just because you post at the exact right time doesn’t mean you’ll get the reads. here’s a masterlist of free stock images you can use, just because i’m nice.

read everything you can

read where we came from as much as new books. i don’t like classics but even i have to admit that reading ray bradbury can provide important and helpful tips and tricks, as much as reading the hunger games can.

try as many genres as you can, but if you know what genre you want to write in, focus your energy on that. a teacher of mine once said that he regrets dividing his energy between literary fiction and horror. he reads and writes both, but because he spent his time split, he never mastered either of them. if he had focused on one over the other, his talents with it would be much more than they are. (though, note, if you want to focus on multiple genres, do it anyway. i can’t decide between sci fi and fantasy, so i’m willing to master neither so i can enjoy them both.)

write everyday if possible. my teachers all recommend morning pages - you write a page in the morning before you get up and leave. do it during breakfast or when you’re still in bed. it can be about anything - word association, prose, poetry, whatever. it also does not have to be good. here’s a good book we were recommended on the subject if you want help with this.

for fan fic specifically: write in third person. unless you’ve got something super Artsy and Forward Thinking going on, your readers will only find themselves uncomfortable with first person, as we’re already trained to consider these characters as outside ourselves. putting first person in makes us the same person as the character, and whether readers are aware of it or not, that’s not the experience they came to fan fic for.

try to observe the trends of fan fiction when you can. i did this when i wrote for the 100 (i noticed that more people wrote during the hiatus between seasons, but more people were reading during the season airing and immediately after it finished) - you’ll find you’ll get more reads than you expect.

on tagging, just because it’s relevant to me: tag however you want on ao3, but tumblr only pays attention to the first 5, so make them the most important ones that are most likely to be read. from 6 onwards, tumblr won’t put your post in that listing when searched, so don’t bother.

don’t make the same mistakes i did with the prose around dialogue. it’s not:

“Hey there,” Jackson said. Emily smiled.

“Hey!”

as soon as your prose stops relating to the dialogue and jackson, you gotta start a new paragraph. even if you’re going into exposition or description - it doesn’t belong on the same line as the dialogue and it’ll start confusing the reader. especially when you stop saying things like “jackson said” and the reader starts attributing the dialogue to incorrect characters. try:

“Hey there,” Jackson said.

Emily smiled. “Hey!”

be as economical in your writing as possible. seriously. i love purple prose but we don’t need it everywhere. sometimes the reader just needs the facts and not three paragraphs of adjacent information. (sometimes, however, the reader wants that information, so it’s about being economical with how often you’re economical.)

for correct formatting for scripts, use the BBC writer’s room. they also have contests and open submissions. very occasionally, the people who submit can get hired to the BBC.

let yourself be shit at writing. it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

Reading List:

here’s the best books i can offer you for writing. some may be helpful, some not so much for you - but these are the books my teachers recommended and i connected with.

The Writer’s Journey, Christopher Vogler is a staple, okay? it was the first book we were told to buy, because it breaks apart a story into so many pieces and shows you how they’re to be employed. it’s not an enjoyable read, but it’s a really good place to be starting from.

The Elements of Style, Strunk and White. Another staple. Very short and apparently, very important.

if you want help with novel writing, Thomas Emson’s How To Write a Novel in Six Months is my go-to. he came in and delivered a lecture, the book takes only 40 minutes to read, and it comes with a lot of great advice you can pick and choose from. i reference him every time y’all ask for writing advice and it’s because the things i took from his book are the most helpful to my process.

Stephen King’s On Writing is pretty good. I was bored as heck through the first half, where he writes his life story, but the second half is all writing advice and super helpful.

as mentioned in the morning pages point: The Artist’s Way, Julia Cameron.

The Definitive Guide to Screenwriting, Syd Field.

The Ode Less Travelled, Stephen Fry. if you’re interested in writing poetry, this is a very good one to use.

On Writing Well, William Zinsser. if you want to write non-fiction, this is the one for you. get the most recent edition you can, the edits are worth it. (for example, zinsser originally wrote ‘he’ when talking of the writer, and eventually changed to ‘they’ and ‘he or she’, because he learned feminism lmao.)

my playwriting teacher recommends The Art of Writing Drama, Michelene Wandor which i haven’t actually read yet but i plan to.

Heussner, Tobias, et al. The Game Narrative Toolbox is good (though a lil expensive) for when it comes to writing for games.

so is Rusch, Doris C. Making Deep Games: Designing Games with Meaning and Purpose, but again, recommended for games.

sources: i’m a third year creative and professional writing undergrad, taught by professional writers in fiction, experimental literature, poetry, non-fiction, playwriting, young adult and children’s literature and game design. 

Stray Kids as High School Students

High school AU - This is for a longer series I’ll be working on.

These are just my opinions.

Chan:

I personally feel like he’d be one of those stereotypical artsy kids. He’d probably get decent grades and do well in Art. I can see him in the library making some beats for his music or drawing. Big fan of TØP, 5SOS, and P!ATD. Really loving and soft on the inside but since he wears dark clothes and hangs out alone nobody really wants to chill and get to know his soft side. Best friends with Changbin and Jisung.

God Woojin:

I feel like he’s one of the friendly neutral students. He’s does good in all of his classes and has quite a few friends. Woojin would probably be one to help any younger students who need anything. He’d spend most of his time studying with friends or doing stuff with his family. He’d sing as a hobby and be a member of choir. Might get bullied for being affectionate but everyone would stand up for him. 🥺

Minho:

Minho would be pretty popular. He’s very polite and respectful so people would love that. I feel like he’s struggle in a few subjects but he’d be good in the rest. He’s in the school’s dance club and is the leader of it so... He’s willing to help anyone dance if they have passion. Probably has Micheal Jackson posters in his room. He spends lots of time dancing so that’s the main reason why he struggles with some subjects.

Changbin:

Binnie doesn’t really fit into any stereotype but I’d imagine him as being everyone’s hero. He’d be a goody two shoes and would get really good grades so he can make his parents proud. His hobby is rapping but his parents don’t support it so he hangs out with Chan and Jisung anyways because he’s an unbothered king. I feel like some people might mock Changbin because he’s a little smaller but like I said he’s unbothered. Probably pretty confident and treats his friends a lot since he has money.

Hyunjin:

Most popular. That’s all I have to say. He’s kind, attractive, tall, and talented. He’d be a 4.0 GPA student because he wants to be successful. Most of the girls always follow him around but I doubt he’s even thinking of them. He’s a new member of the dance crew so he’s constantly wondering if he’s made a mistake or what he can do to improve. He’s really friendly and really open so he has lots of friends. His parents are also very supportive of his passions and support him to death.

Jisung:

He’d be one of the cool kids. He’s best friends with Chan and Changbin so they’re “the boys.” He’s probably failing a class of two but that’s only because he’s constantly busy and has no time to study or do homework. He’s really funny and adorable so he has a few friends but he’s never leave Changbin or Chan behind. His hobby is rapping and producing like the other “boys.”

Felix:

The meme boy. 😳 He literally plays fortnite so we already knows he has the soul of a 12 year old boy. He probably gets okay grades and has five or six friends. He sends memes to everyone. He even sends memes to his teachers and gets along with them well. He loves playing video games and having fun with friends.

Seungmin:

Dandy boy will do the best in school. He goes home and studies. He’s at the library and studies. He’s at a friends house and studies. He’s always trying to keep an 4.2 GPA. He’s class president and he’s friends with few people. But that’s because he’s always studying. He has a passion for singing. Day6 fan club leader.

Jeongin:

Jeongin seems like a nervous student. He likes school because he can see his friends but everyone babies him and he isn’t a big fan of it. He does fairly well despite never studying. He loves to sing trot and play video games with Felix. He’d be in choir and he’d be one to get solos at performances along with Woojin.

6 Celebrity Crushes

I was tagged by @bengiyo ,so, of course, I must oblige

1. Choi Seung-hyun. A musician, art collector from a long line of artists, wanting to promote art to the youth? Be still, my heart 😍 He's been open about "being weird" (read: artsy & introverted and not entirely accepted for it) & is slowly opening up about his own mental health. He's also not afraid of adult.topics, like many others in his showbiz tend to shy away from for the sake of their image. Rather, he tries to show his humanity. Very much appreciated around here. Always love & support to Choi Seung-hyun

2. Janelle Monae. She recently made a misstep, but owned it (afaik) & is constantly wanting to grow & be better. Yesss. 🙏 Janelle is an amazing, talented, kind, loving person and fights for so, so many people. Outspoken, trying to push change, and push for broader acceptance of all people? Instant fav. Plus..have you HEARD the scifi space operas? Because DAMN, TALENT! PLUS an executive? A woman of many hats, indeed. (Also, sorrynotsorry, she's too fucking adorable. 🥰)

3. Jung Hoseok. My phone autocorrected that to King Hoseok at first and...uh..well.. Everyone calls him sunshine for a reason, but I don't want everyone to keep missing just how hard and how long he works on his craft. He is strict BECAUSE he cares, he's a perfectionist because he KNOWS whatever he's doing can be perfected. Confidence in himself and the people around him. But, he rarely ever cries publicly (the most recent incident, when there'd been talk of his career possibly ending, was gut-wrenching to see). He gave up his chosen career path for a friend instead and forged a new one for himself in something he'd never even considered, had 0 experience in, and is now thriving. He's awfully true to himself in his sound and his style in every facet of life, even when others might joke about it. He works hard to provide for his family and those close to him. But let me pause, because he's also a beautiful person, inside and out (and honestly, I don't see how anyone ever said he wasn't handsome.. like ..I'm sorry, are we seeing the same person? I'll go faint over here, brb).

4. Naveen Andrews. Apparently not at all worried about showing affection to co-stars regardless of gender, and apparently a great parent. Hi 😅 (on the right here.)

5. Min Yunki. Producer, artist, activist, philanthropic, and just wants people to not feel so alone. He has an amazing ear for different styles, especially for matching vocalists to complementary sounds, and pays homage to musical roots with little callbacks in songs he produces 💖 (for instance, an East coast/Biggie bounce in Suran's "Wine," which he produced). His history with piano and how he feels about & relates to music, while not identical to my own, is extremely similar. Listen to his song "First Love, " and you'll know so much more about me, as well. 🙏 I could literally go on for an hour or more about how & why Min Yunki is an amazing person (like all his hand-written letters & handmade gifts in the hundreds one year), but then we'd be here a long, long time.

6. Kim Kibum (Key). Big into fashion that stands for something (yes, mostly/especially social messages in fashion/ecofashion), social commentary (one of the only Korean artists to use their public platform for Rohingya & Tibet, which could easily result in a travel/promotion ban), big on gender fluidity/gender expression and equal rights for all genders, and a long-time public supporter of lgbtqia2+ rights. Also an avid supporter of his colleagues, as recently demonstrated by his support of fellow lgtbqa2+ activist labelmate Amber when she announced she was leaving their label for better options (his comment was literally "GO AMBER GO!"We love supportive people here!) He's also apparently very sensitive and soft to many people around him, and a big fan of his mother. 💖

7. Honorary mentions: Amber Liu. She's ALSO made missteps before, but has seemingly learned from them. She is a VERY PUBLIC advocate for the lgbtqia2+ community, artist, and extremely friendly according to..well..everyone that's ever met her. Humbleness is also a positive, as well as here bright, familiar humor and fondness of jokes and lighthearted pranks (afaik, never anything serious or causing upset!)

And

Sendhil Ramamurthy. Just.. just.. sometimes it's okay to have a visual crush. Or aural crush because WOW his voice WOW

I'll tag, ummmmm.... @kidkreole @starslampshade and @ninaffogato if it's okies? And whoever else wants to do this!

Aesop 29 or the Helmsman

(I’ve drawn his floating head a lot, so here’s him with his hood up, which I draw less) Also formal apology because I think like maybe no more than four people who follow me play Destiny, so a couple things may sound a little esoteric. I’d suggest checking out the Ishtar Collective (links to offsite) if I refer to something unfamiliar. 

Full Name: Aesop-29

Gender and Sexuality: Male and Homosexual.

Pronouns: He/Him.

Ethnicity/Species: Exo, from the little crop of Destiny fancharacters that I have.

Birthplace and Birthdate: Unknown factor. But Aesop was found by his Ghost in the middle of nowhere, in a southwestern state that I have not chosen yet. Arizona, Texas, Colorado and Southern California are all candidates. Aesop has just a little bit of a Texan accent. 

Guilty Pleasures: Aesop is trying to learn how to play guitar and is really bad at it, making him very shy and nervous about his attempts. Similarly, Aesop enjoys singing, but usually does it when no one else is around - because no one else has really heard him sing before, it is a well kept secret between him and his Ghost that he’s actually pretty good. I personally like to keep the list of music that he likes to the 50’s-60’s bracket to match the kind of retrofuturistic style that the Golden Age tech in Destiny has. We the viewer read it as being ‘old’, even if it’s much, MUCH older than we realize because the setting is far future. That’s really all that matters, that we recognize it as being antiquated. His favorite of the very small pool of albums he has access to are Marty Robbins’ “Gunfighter Ballads and Trail Songs” and Nancy Sinatra’s “Boots” and “Sugar”. Sojourn teases him about it and has thusly introduced him to the feeling of shame. He also likes drinking alcohol even if it doesn’t actually make him drunk. Sometimes he does it out of spite. Someone you don’t like? Pound his drink right in front of him and walk away.

Phobias: Aesop’s kinda agoraphobic - he feels trapped and panicked in enclosed areas with lots of people, can be overstimulated by large groups of people talking/making a lot of noise. This makes him mostly useless in large-scale conflicts. He has managed to curb some of this by being accompanied by Sojourn or Calico to areas or situations that are high risk (whether that means a combat scenario or just going to The City), but this can get squirrely because Calico doesn’t have a ghost anymore and if killed would die permanently, and Sojourn has a tendency to get worked up in a fight and leave him behind on accident. If everything goes well though, Aesop is perfectly functional fighting in the small group that is his fireteam - himself, Sojourn (exo warlock) and King (human titan). His ghost, Chanticleer, can also sometimes talk him down if he’s starting to spin up into a panic attack. It’s something that he wants to fix, but, existing within the confines of your anxiety is a cold comfort that he indulges in. In general, he’s a very anxious person with a lot of existential dread, but he puts on a clownish, brazen act and hopes people don’t notice.

What They Would Be Famous For: Honestly, probably something very mundane, like breaking a dopey Guinness-style record or something like that. The entire point of Aesop is that he is very average in his skills in a world of blisteringly powerful space wizards and the like. I find his challenges are more about what goals he sets for himself and if those goals conflict with the status quo. Does his worth need be defined by how good he is at killing things vs. is the pursuit of personal wellness and happiness selfish in the context of a world fighting for its survival. Can these things coexist. etc.  

What They Would Get Arrested For: Probably something relatively benign done for the sake of pulling a dangerous stunt in the name of fun or looking cool. If he was a regular ass human in a normal modern setting, probably taking a nice vintage car for a joyride.

OC You Ship Them With: Aesop will have a love interest in the comic canon, but I’m gonna keep that under my hat for awhile yet. It’s not Cayde though, Cayde is dad. If Amanda Holliday was a man, he’d be utterly and entirely in love, but, alas. He’s still infatuated with her platonically though, and thinks she has pretty much the coolest job in the world. A promise of visiting her is a good way to entice him into going to The City.

OC Most Likely To Murder Them: When death is not a factor, this becomes less of an issue, hah. Aesop and his bff Sojourn have killed each other a number of times in training, to an almost nonchalant degree. Aesop has also been killed much more in training, by his fireteam’s resident titan, King. Aesop will also find a rival in a local Fallen pike gang, the leader of which has the placeholder name of Easy Rider. I also have a Cabal villain I am throwing around and trying to decide if they’ll stick, but I need to do a lot more work and research on that. They’re my least favorite enemy type mechanically, but I think they could make perfectly acceptable antagonists in a narrative. 

Favorite Movie/Book Genre: Aesop does not read. He can, he just doesn’t. I think maybe, MAYBE, someone could get him to read comic books, but those aren’t very sturdy and I feel like the amount of intact physical copies at this point would be almost nothing. The pool of movies and media that he has available to him are very sparse, but he absolutely drowns himself in spaghetti westerns, and would probably also like trashy action movies if they were available to him. I also think he would like Grease, HAHA. It has cars and guys in leather jackets singing in it. He’d also probably like any kind of rustic, western themed musical. And anything with cars in it would have his immediate interest no matter how bad it is, but he’d zone out in any parts he doesn’t like. 

Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: To be honest I think most of the time, movies are a little too long for him and lose his interest partway through. He has a really short attention span and anything too long, complicated or artsy will lose him and he’ll start being fidgety and chatty and start making his boredom everyone else’s problem. Even if there’s a movie he likes, if there’s a part that’s boring to him, he zones out. He probably watches the same 2-3 movies over and over again, which is fine because his available library of media is probably really small. I like to think that they probably have movies in some kind of archive that they put up publicly in The City every once in awhile, like they have a projector that puts it on the side of a building and people just bring chairs and shit. Aesop has an aforementioned fear of crowds but he probably does some hunter parkour bullshit and perches somewhere at a healthy distance to watch from afar, as long as it’s something he thinks he would like. If he doesn’t he gets up and leaves.

Talents and/or Powers: Aesop seems to have an interest in vehicles, but due to a bet with his mentor, Calico, he has not actually been taught how to drive a Sparrow and so pines for them from afar. As said, he’s learning how to play an instrument, and if we want to be technical, is a Gunslinger speced Hunter with the Golden Gun super. He is very bad at being stealthy, as he is very impatient and is also a little bigger than the average exo. He’s just kinda tall and wide and tends to clunk around. If his Ghost Chanticleer wasn’t as clever as she was, Aesop would probably be perma-dead by now.

Why Someone Might Love Them: He’s kind of a dumbass and a space cadet but has the potential to be very sweet, and the people he cares about, he latches on to really hard. Similarly, when set to a task he cares about, he does not quit. Unfortunately, many of his goals are unresolved, but it does not mean that he will stop trying. If he were to, say, become romantically interested in someone, he would go to great lengths to connect with him, even if it meant doing things Aesop himself may not like. In specific circumstances, Aesop may find that he has a great capacity for nurturing and bringing out the best in other people, a talent Aesop himself undervalues. Though he’s not all that intelligent, Aesop is very reflective and existentially inquisitive, and thinks about a lot of big picture stuff that other people might push aside in an era of crisis. Though he may not understand science or the way the world works in a mechanical sense, he is awed by it, and is a great appreciator of natural beauty. He’d cry at a particularly beautiful sunrise, if he could cry. I’d say he could be described as having a romantic soul.

Why Someone Might Hate Them: To be honest, Aesop has trouble establishing empathy with people he doesn’t know very well, and so is less invested in Earth’s plight than he probably should be (it would not be hard for Dead Orbit to sway him to their views). This makes some people think that he doesn’t take his charge seriously, and they also usually assume that he’s a slacker because he’s plateaued in his abilities so early. Really, Aesop is acutely socially anxious, can have panic attacks in large crowds, and generally prefers to stay away from The City unless he needs to go there, and so has a big emotional disconnect from it. Calico and Chanticleer have tried to get him more accustomed to groups, but has been thusfar mostly unsuccessful. His insecurity and anxiety also cause him to pull odd, dangerous stunts to prove his worth, making him unreliable and impulsive. He can bungle social interactions rather spectacularly, and is easily goaded into doing really stupid shit. Really, he is a person who may just be “too much” for some.

How They Change: Oooooghhh….I can’t talk about this. I forgot how frustrating it is to not be able to talk about things because you’re going to make a comic out of it. Suffice it to say he’s gonna change a lot.

Why You Love Them: I think Aesop encapsulates a lot of anxieties I have post-college. Aesop is a person in transition who is unsure of his future, knowing only that he can’t quit now, because quitting means failure and failure means death. Because he is in transition, he is anxious about forming relationships with people, worried that either he will be left behind by them, or that they won’t like him when he’s “finished” becoming a person. I think he has a complex relationship with his personhood and sense of self. I dunno, I think that’s an interesting anxiety for a protagonist to have. I am also interested to see what Aesop will end up contributing to his society/organization and his interpersonal relationships, and if he’ll be happy with it. I’ve put a lot of work into him, the ‘original Aesop’ I had in mind might as well be a completely different character now. Aesop was originally a little cameo that I did in our TTRPG game, Godslaughter, because my boyfriend had put a dunmer cameo character into our game and I wanted to return the favor. Then he made a sheet for him. Then I decided to keep him around, then I decided to play Destiny 2, then I decided I loved it, lol. There is still a version of Aesop in the TTRPG but he is so incredibly different, they may as well be different characters. We refer to him as “Bad Aesop” but should probably call him something more dignified (we won’t).

Regarding your Bridgerton post, if you don’t mind, I wanted to add my two cents as well. I admit, I liked the TV series for the most part, but only if I was watching it not as a serious take on history but at the same time enjoying the historical setting, flare, and “culture” of the regency period.

Usually, I am the type of viewer who enjoys “historical accuracy” in things; however, I watched Bridgerton with the same lens I did while watching Hamilton, Cinderella 2015, or Roger & Hammerstein’s Cinderella movie (Brandi/Whitney Houston Version).

I do not want to speak over black voices. All I can do is talk about watching Bridgerton from the perspective of a non-black POC. After initial being taken aback by POC playing royalty and gentry in regency England, I actually quite liked seeing the diversity on screen. It was nice to know that these capable POC actors were able to show their range and talents in roles that were otherwise closed to them. I know show business is cut throat, and there aren’t many opportunities for POC in general. So I was hyped in that aspect. As a viewer, watchin Bridgerton, for me, was just to sit, eat chocolate and ice cream while turning my brain off for a moment.

I try to keep up with current events, I know r@cism is alive and well in many places. As a POC, I deal with some level of micro aggression everyday. So, for me, I didn’t want to focus on this horribleness I see everyday. I wanted to enjoy watching for the purpose of entertainment, to overlook the obvious historical inaccuracies, the writers overlooking of cultural and racial nuances to just enjoy the regency romance setting of Bridgerton.

That being said, I think the show handled issues of race very poorly. I almost wish that it didn’t address the issue at all. So that way the show was just more fantastical than grounded in realism.

I was especially uncomfortable when they implied that r@cism was a thing of the past because the king fell in love with a black woman and thereby integrating the society. As a real life example, Prince Harry fell for Megan Markle, and I felt that the extreme reaction towards Megan was in part due to her being a black (biracial) woman.

Not to mention, all these high society people are rich, yes, but what part of that wealth was built off the backs of slaves or colonization? I admit, I don’t know that much about this particular part of history, so feel free to correct me. This was another reason why the integration of diversity in such a serious tone made me uncomfortable. Such strong connections to these types of trauma do not fix within a generation or however long the King and Queen have been married at this point.

Not to mention if they are implying that the POC were originally from the country that they hailed from (not England), the diversity feels disingenuous. That is to say, if the show tries to go for a more serious tone in the approach to diversity, it almost feels like by stating “we’ve integrated societies, our difference are a thing of the past” it feels like the POC are the ones who are conforming to English culture. For example, I’m a first generation American, but there are little parts of my family’s culture that we still practice here in a western country. The POC in Bridgerton seem to be very regency English in culture, so seems like the diversity is presented only skin-deep (literally) and not through other aspects such as culture and customs.

That’s why I watched Bridgerton from an artsy, creative perspective that the creative team was aiming for, so that I may enjoy the hint of modernity and sweeps of diversity. I also enjoyed romance novels and love stories set in the regency period. So it would theoretically be kind of cool to see actors from my ethnic background to possibly be portrayed as love interests in western cinema in a romantic, regency setting. If that makes sense.

Thank you for reading. I know a lot of people loved Bridgerton when it blew up last year. And I like it too, but like others, I do have some problems with the way some of it is presented as well.

You know I often like it when people actually put my words in a perfect way because I'm not very good with expressing my opinion , sometimes it may come off as a little cruel or a little judgemental but I don't mean it that way it's just that I'm not very good with expressing my opinion so you actually did that perfectly for me. I enjoyed the show very much I enjoyed it as a romantic or artsy thing but it's just had a little bit of twist that I didn't understand, why it was put there exactly? like why the queen just get married to a king and that's it everything got better like you should at least make a good back story about this but that wasn't happening also how did just people go from lowest ranks in society possible to rich people and nobility out of a blue because a woman married a King that's not possible how do you even have this wealth where did it come from it's just never had a good backstory to it but you are right I mean I enjoyed the show very much it's just I had a little bit of criticism over it because it's felt like it was a little bit insulting if it was meant in a historical way especially since like you said they put it in a way that poc or black people were already there in England at that time which was not true. they made them look like they are purely 100-percent English and have been their entire life when they weren't, they had cultural differences but this was never pointed out it was like all of us were the same. maybe that was to put it in an 'all equal ' way but it got a little bit annoying and just confusing

Someone stated that it's supposed to be about equality and imagining world where everything was perfect and we were all equal but that's not true in the show like you can see the difference between men and women and it's very very pointed out in the show so why? why do this but ignore that ? it's like focusing on a cause but ignoring the other if you're going into a 'we're all equal and the same ' world that why don't you just do this with everything? make women do whatever they want and not even care , make women not being judged more than men do ,make them have a voice but that was not the case in the show it was actually criticized in the show so it was clearly not about equality so much so I just got confused that they're focusing on something but making the other look like it's not a big deal and it can be solved very easily by just a marriage so that was a little bit annoying to me but maybe if you look at it in an artistic way it's a little different

But anyway you have a good point really. I just think it might have been better if they just put a disclaimer or note in the beginning of the show saying that this isn't historically accurate and this is a fantasy just to avoid all this confusion and to avoid angering anyone

@666lucifersbitch asked me to do all the musical theatre questions so here we are lads!

13: Most embarrassing story from your early teens. One time my mic was on backstage and I didn’t know and I said “fuck I gotta shit so bad” and like 900 people heard that 

1776: Favorite Founding Father? they all didn’t wash their dicks idc 

25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee: Biggest middle school achievement having to leave my middle school because of bullying and then a rumor started that I got knocked up. That was honestly legendary 

A Chorus Line: Favorite type of dance I want 1920s jitterbug swing shit!!

Aladdin: 3 wishes you want to come true 1. get into a good fucking transfer program 2. fall in love 3. love my body 

Amelie: Strangest dream you’ve ever had i hate this cause every dream story someone shares just sounds made up and stupid. I had a dream once that I had to milk myself to stay alive, figure out what that says about my subconscious 

Anastasia: Would you rather be rich in money or in love? Love baby!! I wanna drown in it daily!

Annie: Favorite thing about NYC? General energy of the city is delightful

Avenue Q: The Muppet’s or Sesame Street? Tbh I really haven’t watched either but I guess Muppets

Bandstand: How much hometown pride do you have Ehhh. I like where I live and it’s a nice area but I wouldn’t die for it by any means. I really adore Atlanta and have a lot of pride for it but I’m not really from Atlanta, I’m like 18 miles away 

Be More Chill: One thing you wish to change about yourself I just don’t wanna have trauma anymore y’all. Also I wish I could dance 

Beauty and the Beast: Small town or big city? Both for different reasons but probably moreso big city

Bonnie and Clyde: Favorite dynamic duo idk....Rosencrantz & Guildenstern 

Book of Mormon: One book I love so much that I’d go on a worldwide adventure to tell everyone about. The Curiosities which is actually a collection of short stories but it changed my life 

Bring it On: Something you’re overly competitive about Probably cooking and baking

Carrie: Favorite prank Asian Jim on The Office was classic

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: Favorite candy Those raspberry gummies with the nonpareils on them ugh!! Love

Cinderella: shoe size 6.5 / 7

Come from Away: One place you’d like to travel Japan or South Korea 

Dear Evan Hansen: favorite social media platform Twitter or tumblr I guess

Dogfight: Describe your first school dance I went to prom with my senior boyfriend at the time my sophomore year and it was so bad and we ate at this awful restaurant and I felt fat the whole night and he kept trying to grind on me so we left early cause I yelled at him in front of everyone and then his mom showed up drunk and yelled at me and then I went home 

Falsettos: favorite baseball team Whatever teams are playing in the “What a Game!” Ragtime number

Fiddler on the Roof: How many siblings do you have One older sister named Bailey she is my best friend in the entire world and so beautiful and intelligent and funny and I really owe her my life!

Footloose: Could you survive a world without dance I would prefer it as I have never met a worse dancer than me truly

Frozen: One super power you wish you had Telekinesis/whatever Scarlet Witch’s powers are. Or shapeshifting would be good too

Grease: Summer lovers or high school sweethearts Idk I didn’t have either lol

Groundhog Day: One day you wish you could live in forever Day I saw OBC of Great Comet 

Hairspray: Describe your-go to hairstyle Straight and boring maybe pinned back a bit? Idk I don’t know how to do much w my hair

Hamilton: Which Schuyler sister do you relate to the most Uhh probably Angelica cause I’m outspoken to compensate for my worries and fears and grieve what I never had

Heathers: Favorite Slurpee flavor White cherry or coke, specifcally from the Target snack bar

In the Heights: What’s your heritage? Normal White European Mutt, Irish, Swiss, French, but mostly German. Also a lot of Pennsylvania Dutch/Mennonite stuff

In Transit: Favorite Subway/street performer/performance This one guy in the London tube has a drum kit and he dresses up in a suit with puppets and plays the beats that come as a demo on the drum kit and makes the puppets dance. So dumb but he is a sweet guy and I love his dancin dudes!!

Into the Woods: Least favorite camping experience Only went camping like once or twice and it was with my girl scout troop and I just remember having an anxiety attack and not knowing what it was cause I was so young and feeling miserable 

Legally Blonde: What’s your stereotype For theatre I’m typically always cast as the brunette belting bitch or unfit ingenue(that no one fully believes cause I’m not skinny) or whatever, in real life probably just a generic ~artsy girl with red lipstick who thinks she’s unique~

The Lion King: Favorite animal I really do love koalas

Mary Poppins: Have you ever flown a kite Once in a production of Mary Poppins actually lol 

Matilda: favorite teacher Jeff Gillis, my freshman year English teacher. Changed how I looked at education and now we are very good friends and hang out/go out to eat and stuff 

Natasha, Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812: Best party you’ve ever been to I don’t really go to parties ever? My friend’s birthday party was 1960′s themed and he rented furniture and a tikki bar and there was a strict dress code and all the food was themed and it was very on brand and very much my style 

Newsies: Have you ever been in the local paper. If so, why Yeah for scholarships or singing or something

Pippin: Have you ever been to the circus No I don’t think so? Huh

Rent: Favorite thing about life How fucking cool is nature y’all?

School of Rock: favorite instrument Handpan or accordion!

The Sound of Music: Which is more important, faith or love Uh they’re hand in hand really....this is so tough. I think Faith 

Spring Awakening: Age when life bothered you the most Currently, actually, so 20 

Waitress: favorite dessert Tbh......pie, as it is and always will be 

Wicked: biggest insecurity “Am I talented enough? Will I amount to anything? What if I’m the kid who peaked in high school?”

The Wizard of Oz: Your definition of home not to be that guy but....a theater, in all honesty 

Ranking Taylor Swift’s albums, worst to best

Taylor Swift is arguably the most successful musician of the 21st century so far. And she’s accomplished her millions of record sales and hordes of fans not by chasing musical trends (well, most of the time), but typically through her strong classical pop sensibilities and evocative lyrics. 

This is what makes Swift unique amongst her fellow popstars — her brand, her selling point, is her songwriting. She doesn’t have powerhouse vocals like Adele or Ariana Grande. She’s not a artsy auteurist like Lady Gaga or Beyoncé. And she doesn’t cannily ride the current sound like Drake or Justin Bieber. Perhaps the only other major popstars that emphasize songwriting first are Ed Sheeran (who’s not nearly as talented) and Lorde (who’s sadly not nearly as successful).

2020 marks both the 10-year anniversary of her transitional album Speak Now, as well as the one-year anniversary of the eclectic Lover. And of course, Swift’s eighth and newest record, folklore, was just released about a month ago.

I figure this year of anniversaries and new music for Swift would be a good time to reflect on her lengthy career and rank her eight albums from worst to best. (And also, it’s still quarantine season. What else am I going to do with my life?)

So here’s my list. Are you ready for it? (sorry, sorry, I had to make that joke)

#8: Taylor Swift (2006)

Despite landing at the bottom of this list, Taylor Swift’s self-titled 2006 debut isn’t a bad record. Any album with pop-country classics like “Picture To Burn” or “Teardrops On My Guitar” can’t be dismissed. But any fan that says it’s a truly great album has been blinded by childhood nostalgia.

Swift’s 16-year-old viewpoint can be endearing on this album, but it’s also its biggest roadblock. Many of the songs have quite maudlin or cliché-ridden lyrics, and the unmemorable non-hits (which are plentiful) all start to sound the same at a certain point. Of course, Swift’s singles are almost always album highlights (and they are here, too), but her best albums also have plenty of hidden gems. The self-titled doesn’t.

Not to mention — and this is where my personal bias creeps in — the self-titled is also Swift’s most country-flavored album. That’s just not my genre, and Swift’s fake twang (remember, she grew up in Pennsylvania, NOT the South) can get grating. 

In hindsight, the self-titled debut was more about flashing glimpses of Swift’s ceilings songwriting talent rather than being a great record in its own right. But if you have a higher tolerance for corny pop-country, it’s a decent listen.

BEST SONGS: “Teardrops On My Guitar,” “Picture To Burn,” “Should’ve Said No”

WORST SONG: “A Place In This World”

#7: Fearless (2008)

Fearless is essentially the self-titled debut pt. 2, but it’s an improvement in just about every way. 

The singles are stronger — and there’s more of them. There’s still some country flavor, but it’s less obnoxious (although I dig those hoedown fiddles on “Tell Me Why”). And there’s actually some solid deep cuts, particularly the adorable “Hey Stephen” and the righteously pissed “Forever & Always.”

Unfortunately, some of Swift’s annoying early-career tendencies still pop up on Fearless. There’s a couple tracks that land on the overly saccharine side of cheesy, particularly the maudlin “The Best Day.” And almost all the classic tunes are front-loaded in the record’s first half. 

Furthermore, because many of the later tracks just sound like weaker versions of the singles, Fearless seems like it goes on forever, despite being one of Swift’s shorter albums at only 53 minutes.

Fearless was a major step up, and its singles are classics for a reason. But she still had some work to do.

BEST SONGS: “Love Story,” “You Belong With Me,” “Hey Stephen”

WORST SONG: “The Best Day”

#6: reputation (2017)

reputation is one of the few albums that’s both underrated and overrated. Its reputation (sorry) amongst the general public as a totally misguided bomb isn’t fair — it’s wildly entertaining and even a bit risky at points. But I really can’t agree with some Swifties who proclaim reputation as her best album, as it does have some deep flaws.

Occasionally, reputation actually is the bonkers, risky album that it wants to be. Tracks like “I Did Something Bad” and “This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things” are deliciously poisonous and campy. “Delicate” and “Call It What You Want” are stunningly downcast ballads.

Also — and I’m a tad ashamed to admit this, but whatever — after initially hating it like everyone else, I’ve come to adore “Look What You Made Me Do,” a truly bizarre lead single choice. It’s so delightfully extra! It sounds like a Disney villain song produced by the Black Eyed Peas! I simply can’t resist something this silly and over-the-top.

But despite these highlights, reputation doesn’t as get edgy or weird as it promises. There’s a good handful of forgettable ballads, along with some wannabe bangers with production that already sounds horribly dated. Say what you want about Lady Gaga’s ARTPOP — the precursor to reputation in just about every way, including its semi-flop status — but Gaga went for it.

I’m not asking Swift to be Gaga; obviously, they have wildly different strengths as artists. But if you’re going to make an album all about getting in touch with ~your dark side~, then you better deliver the goods. And reputation stops just short of that for much of its runtime.

BEST SONGS: “Getaway Car,” “Look What You Made Me Do,” “Call It What You Want”

WORST SONG: “King Of My Heart”

#5: folklore (2020)

Easily Swift’s most “adult” album, folklore is probably the biggest outlier in her catalogue so far. There’s no goofy lead single, no fiery diss tracks towards her exes or Kanye West (although there is a subdued one for Scooter Braun), and a good chunk of the album is taken up with short stories, rather than songs primarily inspired by Swift’s personal life.

Like with reputation, I have torn feelings about folklore. On one hand, I really respect Swift’s commitment to the record’s dour, decidedly un-pop aesthetic. Who would’ve thought she’d ever write a shoegaze song like “Mirrorball” or a Sufjan Stevens-style number like “Invisible String” (seriously, it sounds just like Carrie and Lowell, minus the dead-mom lyrics)? Or that her best-ever duet would be with Bon Iver? And the vignette songs like “The Last Great American Dynasty,” “Illicit Affairs” and especially the humbly sweet “Betty” showcase some of Swift’s best-ever songwriting.

But although folklore might be Swift’s pinnacle lyrically, it does leave something to be desired musically. It’s still a great album, don’t get me wrong, but listening to the entire thing can be a bit draining. Unless you’re Lana Del Rey or Sufjan, I’m not sure you can pull off a ballads-only album like this. Swift writing an album without a single bombastic pop jam is like if Nirvana wrote an entire album without a single angsty headbanger.

Playing against type is a nice novelty, but I hope all of Swift’s future albums don’t go in this hushed direction.

BEST SONGS: “betty,” “exile,” “mirrorball”

WORST SONG: “peace”

#4: Speak Now (2010)

In some ways, Speak Now is the training wheels version for Swift’s album that would come next. But it’s still a tour-de-force in its own right, and a remarkably impressive record for someone who wasn’t even of drinking age at the time of release.

The short stories that make up the bulk of Speak Now are rich with details, from the catty and hilarious descriptions of the bride’s family in the title track to the vivid rom-com scene setting in the Springsteen-esque “Mine.” I also love the interesting tweaks on traditional stories that are in the record. “The Story Of Us” is about a slowly-drifting apart couple, rather than a hyper-dramatic breakup. In “Back To December,” Swift takes the blame for a relationship’s end (which was a huge deal back in 2010, let me tell you).

Speak Now is also the first album where Swift started to dabble in some different musical styles, and most of them work quite well! With its wall-of-sound production and heartland guitar crunch, “Sparks Fly” is basically a Tom Petty song. “Enchanted” throws some dreampop synths in the mix. And while “Better Than Revenge” is marred by some rough lyrics that are a bit slut shame-y, it’s still a kickass pop-punk pastiche.

Every time I start to listen to Speak Now, I wonder why it’s not my favorite — the first 10 songs of the record are truly stacked. But unfortunately, it limps to the finish line with its three most forgettable songs and one misguided, insanely patronizing ballad about Kanye West (which is especially disappointing when you compare it to West’s career-defining opus about the 2009 VMAs, “Runaway”). Speak Now is Swift’s longest record, at 67 minutes, and you really feel that length by the time it’s finished.

If it weren’t for a lack of quality control — an issue for pretty much every one of Swift’s albums except one — and a couple aggravating tracks (looking at you, “Mean”), Speak Now would easily be in Swift’s top-tier. But as it stands, it’s still the best record from her country years by a mile.

BEST SONGS: “Sparks Fly,” “Enchanted,” “The Story Of Us”

WORST SONG: “Last Kiss”

#3: Lover (2019)

I think this one has already become underrated. And I put the blame entirely on “ME!” (the song, not the person writing this). What genius thought putting the album’s worst track by far — a tacky, overly focus-grouped mess — as the lead single would be a good idea? And Brandon Urie as the duet partner? Really? Ugh.

But, if you can look beyond that heinous first impression, Lover is a joyous, wonderfully eclectic grab bag of a record. Unlike most of her albums, it doesn’t have one cohesive theme or musical style ... but I find that refreshing.

Granted, Swift didn’t dive too far outside her comfort zone — as interesting as it would be to hear her try it, there’s unfortunately no black metal song. But she still worked with a wide palette of pop subgenres. There’s *takes a deep breath* a ‘50s-style prom ballad (the title track), Chromatics-style dreampop (“The Archer”), Lana Del Rey-style midcentury baroque (“Miss Americana”), Paramore-style peppy pop-punk (“Paper Rings”), Katy Perry-esque so-corny-it’s-brilliant electropop (“London Boy,” “You Need To Calm Down”) and Lorde-style intimate minimalism (“It’s Nice To Have A Friend”). 

And that list doesn’t even mention the impossibly cool “Cruel Summer” (one of only two Swift songs to earn that adjective) and the heart-crushing “Soon You’ll Get Better.” This album is Swift throwing everything at the wall she can, Jackson Pollock-style, and creating a masterpiece.

Seriously, folks — just remove “ME!” from your Spotify queue, and you’ll see exactly how slept on Lover is. It’s what a big-budget pop album should be.

BEST SONGS: “Cruel Summer,” “The Archer,” “I Think He Knows”

WORST SONG: “ME!”

#2: Red (2012)

Surprise, surprise: Swift’s most acclaimed and successful albums are the top of this list. Sometimes, the obvious answers are the correct ones!

Before I get to why Red — many Swifties’ favorite album — just missed the top, let me first praise it profusely. As someone who grew up on arena rock, I have a soft spot for much of this album, which takes cues from U2/Coldplay-style anthems. Even the country-tinged title-track has a propulsive rock edge to it.

Songwriting-wise, Swift was on a hot streak during Red. The melodies soar, but the lyrics are cuttingly relatable — and I don’t just mean that for the weepy ballads. Who among us didn’t feel that 22 was a “miserable and magical” year? Many of us (if we’re lucky) have had at least one promising first date that felt like a ray of hope, like the one in “Begin Again.” And I’m sure we’ve all wanted to tell off an annoying ex as viciously as Swift does in the impeccable “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” (her best single!).

And then there’s “All Too Well,” generally believed to be Swift’s crowning achievement by most fans and critics. They’re right. “All Too Well,” a nearly-six-minute towering epic of seething resentment and tainted nostalgia, is one of the greatest breakup songs ever written.

If there’s one flaw with Red, it’s the same flaw that most of Swift’s records have: its length. Even though nearly every song is a classic, I can still pinpoint a couple mediocre tracks that could’ve been trimmed (oh hi, “Stay Stay Stay”). By the time I get to the Kennedy cosplay of “Starlight,” I’m checking my watch. Which is an awful thing to say about an album this great! But Red is just a tad overindulgent.

Still, even Red’s worst moments are passable, and its best songs are untouchable. This was the moment when Swift finally realized her potential. And then she took it into hyperdrive with her next album...

BEST SONGS: “All Too Well,” “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together,” “Red”

WORST SONG: “Stay Stay Stay”

#1: 1989 (2014)

It feels a little wrong to have the least “Taylor Swift album” Taylor Swift album at the top of this list. More than any of her other records, 1989 feels like it could’ve been performed or written by another pop star.

But 1989 isn’t meant to be yet another Taylor Swift record filled with hyper-specific story songs and quirky, awkward lyrics (except the charmingly goofy “Shake It Off” and the quasi-self-roast of “Blank Space”). It was meant to be a challenge for Swift, to prove that she could create old-school bubblegum pop as catchy and laser-focused as anyone else on the Top 40 charts. And she wound up running laps around them.

1989 is a Millennial-pink tractor beam of synthpop glory. You have no choice but get sucked into its glittery spaceship. From perfect bubblegum nuggets like “All You Had To Do Is Stay” or “I Wish You Would” to gorgeous, sleek ballads like “Wildest Dreams” and “Clean,” every track is a winner. Even “Bad Blood” really isn’t that terrible.

At a brisk 48 minutes, 1989 is Swift’s shortest album, which means she avoids her fatal flaw for once: there’s no filler! It’s all killer!

I can understand why many Swifties prefer Red or even reputation to 1989 — they’re much more personal albums with more relatable lyrics. And I’ll admit, there’s no song on 1989 as perfect as “All Too Well.” But 1989 achieves exactly what a classic pop album should do: deliver bangers and sing-along jams with no weak points.

Red might be a comforting glass of Coke, but 1989 is a sparkling flute of Dom Perignon. What can I say? I have expensive taste.

BEST SONGS: “Style,” “Blank Space,” “All You Had To Do Is Stay”

WORST SONG: “Bad Blood”

Good evening you!! Happy Thursday and welcome to the weekly lockdown blog from PunkNRasslin. Each week focusing on a new influence in wrestling that’s stuck with me throughout my years, be it from my youth, modern era influence or just something or someone that’s made me sit up & take notice to make a change. This week, I’ve decided to focus on a creative genius. King of the merch. A great mind with a passion for what he does. Mr Chris Brookes!

My first experience of Brookes was a strange one, he landed on my knee to shield himself from his opponent! But the same day I’d seen him tell his tag partner to shut up & treat him like a slave. I was intrigued. Who was the long haired cute faced character bossing around his mask wearing tag partner? And why was it, despite being mean and horrible, hilarious?! It was the manner. The obvious love hate relationship between this human Brookes character & his wolfy friend Lykos. They’d loose their matches, he’d blame the wolf, tell him to shut up loudly & sulk off. Yes, this was what I’d travelled to see!

I enquired further into this with friends in the know, and these 2 characters were regular faces in this basement venue in Sheffield. Next show, I travelled hoping to say hello to said Wolfy & his master. And they were as lovely as I’d hoped! Chatty, friendly, even asked me about my own wrestling travels. Over the years, there’s been many of these on the road chats. Hello there! Ugh, you! You get my merch money though MISTER (more on that later)!

In ring wise, it was back to the style I loved. A sprinkle of comedy, a splash of attitude and a huge dose of talent. Chris is more than a tag guy though, singles action is just as hot! With Lykos’ various injuries, Chris was left to his own devices. No wolf to blame for a loss but still the comedy value was gold. Out of the ring, it seems Chris had another talent. Merch design. Now to the BIG reason (yes, ok in ring is clearly fantastic) I was drawn towards Brookes. The art work on the merch!! The dripping, horror inspired writing. The scaringly brutal yet sweet animation skills. The colours! Brookesy my bank don’t like you but I sure do!

Now before we go full fan boy with the artsy stuff, let’s go back to the in ring! Name me another guy who can make falling on thumbtacks off a ladder look natural. Name me another character who can make you pity a poor guy in a wolf mask when he’s being mean to him. And alas, name me a guy who’s influenced & inspired as many British Wrestling fans as he and his CCK merry men.

It’s not all CCK though. More recent times has seen Chris move away from the CCK monicker & towards the German influenced Schadenfreude. Not a cult, not a faction but just a load of mates killing it in ring & making memories forever. Ask any of the regular British wrestling crowd, they all have a favourite memory of the man himself. Ask again, most will have a Schadenfreude memory too.

Chris has also had a great long standing rivalry with NXT standout Tegan Nox (FKA Nixon Newell). Never have I believed two people hated each other more! Some of the most brutal matches have happened between Brookes & Nixon, and luckily I was there to witness the gory glory. Inter gender wrestling at the highest level. Fantastic!

Currently, Chris is miles away from his Tipton hometown working for Japanese promotion DDT, showing the world his work. And he’s absolutely killing it! Swimming pool spot, is all I’ll say!

So what made me a fan of Brookes? The style? The attitude? The inter gender in ring work? The merch game? In fact it’s all of those in a full package that very few have. I’ve made friends for life through being a Brookes fan. I’ve made memories I’d never of made without finding that tall man with an attitude that afternoon.

To be fair this is only touching the top, I could sit here all night & type about my love for this one. But I won’t bore you with all the details! I’ll just inform you that CCK were involved in my most embarrassing moment to date at a show! The moment they debuted in Manchester as a surprise I jumped up, yelled, grabbed the person next to me & hugged... I’m sorry I’m a pain!

Matches to check out then

Chris Brookes vs Nixon Newell- Fight Club Pro Rise Against.

CCK (Brookes/Lykos) vs Moustache Mountain Ladder Match- Progress Wrestling Chapter 55 Chase The Sun.

Side note- I could only choose one singles & one tag contest :( also check CCK (Brookes & Gresham) vs LAX from Progress Wrestling Chapter 80 Gods & Monsters. In fact you know what... Watch their whole trilogy from Progress!

So. I didn’t ramble too much, I kept it short (kind of) and didn’t bore anyone (I hope). Here’s to many more years of memories from the tall one himself!

Have a fantastic week & I’ll blog something early next week!

Jx

Blog Soundtracked By.. Creeper