#we are tired of furry jokes
Text
every time i see someone who listens to csh being surprised that csh is considered “furry music” & that spotify classifies it in the genre “furry” /being worried that it’s gonna be on their spotify wrapped it’s always a little funny to me.
i mean im guessing these ppl don’t know that much about the band, haven’t fully thought about some lyrics and maybe haven’t interacted that much with the fandom?? (tho tbf maybe the fandom on other platforms isn’t as many furries?? but i lowkey doubt it but idk??)
#for me as soon as i realized i was just like#alright… dope i guess?#like idk how many gay furry jokes i’ve seen on tumblr#but i’m guessing that’s just not everyone’s experience when it comes to csh?#i feel like i could’ve explained this better but i’m tired so here we are#csh#car seat headrest#music#midwest emo#will toledo
24 notes
·
View notes
Text
It's funny cause Rabbids as a series does have a lot of problems, whether it be the earlier games having racial caricature costumes or the half-assed making of them prior to Rabbids Go Home, but YouTubers constantly act like the fictional characters themselves brought Rayman to an alley and shot him cause Rayman 4 never released. Same YouTubers almost never talk about the Sparks of Hope DLC neither, despite them recently starting to make jokes about the Laserhawk rendition. At this point, it feels forced.
#racism#i talk#for the record i dont mind people making jokes about the laserhawk show cause i also occasionally do#but im tired of it only being the sushi cow girl usually#we get it sexy furry funny can we talk about something else
1 note
·
View note
Text
new oc :D she's called Tigris :3
alt vers under the cut!
#Tigris :3#<- new tag for her#digital art#so deeply tired tbh. not much to say#making her was very fun tho :D#my art#furry art#furry sfw#anthro#she's like. what if i built tony the tiger from the ground up#b/c I asked my friend for inspo and she said i should draw a cereal mascot named Tigris#so here we are yipppeeeee!#the things in the right corner are half expression practice half me joking around with said friend
1 note
·
View note
Text
Maid dress
nsfw!!
schlatt jerking off to reader while she's streaming, obvi inspired when j bought wenston some maid outfits and people were calling him his sugar daddy lols
a/n ; 886 words :)
reader flaunts herself at the camera, spinning whilst she tries on the maid outfit schlatt had bought her, " chat, do i look pretty? " she smiles as she assembles the outfit
meanwhile schlatt was on the call with her, eyes immensely focused on her live stream, " jesus fuck, you look worse " he mutters as reader glares at him through the camera
" well, you bought this for me, so maybe it's not me who's the problem " she rolls her eyes at him as schlatt chuckles, not taking his eyes off his screen once
the two had been close friends for over a year now, meeting through, shamefully, the dsmp, the duo are very different ccs on their own, reader being more into makeup and gaming whilst schlatt's varies
ever since they first met on the server the two just sparked a connection, coming off as frenemies for the public, a banter of theirs but exactly off camera, it was a whole different story
schlatt is reader's sugar daddy
at first reader would just joke about being broke, " oh my fucking godd it's so pretty but i dont wanna waste my money ", " that's so fucking expensive ", " okay im broke " until schlatt got tired and actually offered her to be her sugar daddy
at first reader thought it was a joke, a silly new banter for them but nope!, every week, new parcels would arrive on the streamer's doorstep with small notes, but chat doesn't know that, chat doesn't need to know that
" fine, ill get you a new one done " he mumbles, as he scrolls through amazon, " anime french maid apron lolita fancy dress cosplay costume furry cat ear gloves socks set " he reads out the title causing reader to chuckle as they wear the stockings for the uniform
" oh it comes in pink " he added as reader smiles, " i like pink " she replies as schlatt scoffs, " of course you do "
as the girl sits down on her bed to wear the stockings, schlatt's eyes linger down on her bare thighs, enjoying the view as he leans back on his chair
" do you need something else too? " he mutters as reader gasps, " oh my gosh! you should buy me that uhm... blaire doll thing " she smiles as schlatt shakes his head, " blaire doll thing? " he repeats her, " the fuck is that? "
reader tries to wear the collar to complete the look, " it's like a doll! " she states as she grabs her phone to show off the picture
" that's an ugly looking doll " he mutters, as he gulps, looking down at his now hard on, unironically finding reader in a whole cat maid dress... hot
" more uglier than you are " she retorts as he chuckles, " guess no more doll for you then " schlatt replies, shrugging as reader gasps, now pouting
" im kiddingggg pleaseee buy me one? " she pleads looking at the camera as her live chat speeds up, " .. fuck.. " he groans out, not loud enough for his mic to pick up, him slowly sliding in his hand inside his shorts
" please please please " she continues, as she reads off the chat, " please jschlatt senpai " she bursts out laughing, mentally cringing as schlatt chuckles, " ..fine "
" yay! chat! we fucking wonnn! " she celebrates as she jumps around the frame, clasping her hands together, " we're the best at this shit " she shrugs, smug, unaware that the man she's in a call with is already jerking off to her
" reader.., think im gonna mute for a sec, gotta do something " he mumbles as reader nods, understanding, " bet, im gonna talk with chat for a bit " she smiles, as schlatt immediately mutes himself
" fuck.. what a fucking whore.. i didn't actually think she'd do a stream " schlatt chuckles, amused as he palms himself, as reader did what she said, interacting with her audience
" what a pretty slut holy shit " he chuckles, clearly amused as he bites his lip, his rough hand playing with his dick
" chat i look so pretty right? " reader asks, fixing her hair as chat spams yes, " you damn sure are " he mumbles, as he grabs the base of his cock, using his saliva for lube
" ah fuck, fucking.. so fucking pretty " he breathes out, his body shuddering slightly as he jerks himself off, his eyes never leaving her
" fuck.. fuck.. " schlatt throws his head back as he leans back on his chair, fastening his pace, " stupid fucking whore.. "
he moans out, lifting his shirt up, as he continues to palm himself at the sight of her, he's never gonna buy her those stupid costumes again
or maybe he'll rain her with more gifts, then maybe a flight to texas so she can show everything off to him... maybe
his lashes flutter, fastening his already fast pace as he continues to moan, " stupid fucking slut, .. shit... pretty- pretty whore " he stammers
he can feel his precum leaking as reader talks with her chat, innocent yet suggestive, that stupid maid dress, if schlatt can immediately fly to london, he fucking would, he'd immediately bend her over, not caring if she was streaming or not and fuck her like some animal
" ah fuck! " he moans loudly, his semen, spurting on his keyboard making a fucking mess, " shit... " he groans out
maybe instead of ordering her a new costume, maybe he'll fly her out instead
#sleep deprived podcast#chuckle sammy#jschlatt x reader smut#sleep deprived#chuckle sandwich#jschlatt#schlatt fanfic#schlatt x reader#schlatt#schlatt x reader smut#schlatt x you#schlatt x y/n#jschlatt smut#jschlatt x reader#jschlatt x y/n#jschlatt x you#smut
370 notes
·
View notes
Note
omggg hope you had a great birthday!! do u mind writing a remus x reader who realize there’s smth more than friends between them, thank youuu
🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥
remus lupin x reader
a/n: gn!reader truly idk how this escaped me. me writing for my long lost husband in the year of our lord 2024?? this was so fun it felt like reuniting with an ex anyways fluff incoming
wc: don't... look at me... 1.3k
“So?”
“So what, Prongs?” Remus huffs, flipping through a textbook. Merlin knows why he even tries to study in the common room with the boys when all they do is badger him about nonsense.
“So are you and your little friend, well…more than friends? You two are attached at the hip, so where’d the little one run off to?” James teases, whacking his best mate with a throw pillow, “Get tired of you moaning and groaning about prefect duties?”
Well, that’s…you’re definitely not nonsense.
Remus blinks, brushing his hair away from his face and glaring at James before elbowing him straight in the gut. Tosser he is, acting like he knows anything about you or relationships in general when he’s been pining after Lily for years now.
You two are just friends.
Sirius lets out a loud laugh from his place at Remus’ feet. He’s leaning against the arm of the sofa, looking up at the sandy-haired boy with a cock-eyed grin, “If they were more than friends, Moony’s moaning and groaning would be appreciated and reciprocated, don’t you think?”
Peter snickers from the loveseat across the table. It doesn’t help with Remus’ mood, so he buries his head deeper into the boring History of Magic text, grumbling, “Don’t be crass. Just friends, is all. Don’t look too hard into it or you’ll melt what’s left of your brains.”
The three instigators look at each other, before looking back at their best friend. Just friends, he says. Sure, Remus’s the nicest guy around—a prefect even; the one that people count on to be the most morally sound out of all of them, the guy that people borrow notes from, politely laughs at jokes and makes people feel included in conversations. Sure, friends—they can believe that! Everyone wants to be Moony’s friend. But it’s the way they’ve seen him treat you that stands out.
Remus usually lags behind them now, breaking apart their formation in the halls (and yes, Sirius likes to be at the front of the diamond), pushing Peter up so he can wait for you after class. Also, anyone that could distract him from taking notes in Arithmancy is surely a force to be reckoned with (and a threat to Peter’s grades). He’s even gone as far as sidling up next to you during Potions and breaking their age-old rotation of picking partners since their first year (which left James with a botched Aging Potion, and Lily laughing at him as he limped out of class with graying hair and a hunchback).
So things were different nowadays, but one thing is for sure: Remus Lupin’s favorite game is being in denial.
“Maybe your friend knows about your furry little problem, Moons. Surely you really don’t think you’re gonna get any studying done with us?” James chuckles, before pushing his glasses up to clearly see the blush blossoming on Remus’s cheeks. Though it might also be anger, he couldn’t really tell—they’ve never seen him like this, ever; so blatantly obvious with how he feels about you even though he’d never admit it. It was quite refreshing to remember that Remus is still a normal teenage boy.
“You’re right, Prongs,” he huffs.
“I am?”
“I don’t know why I even bothered to try and study with you lot if all of you are too focused on me instead of studying!” Remus is shoving his books into his knapsack as the boys continue to rib at him to get him to stay. This essay isn’t going to write itself.
“Just playing, Moons!”
“Yeah mate, if you need an actual study date we know that’s not us, just hang around!”
Remus sighs as he’s looking at his friends' shit-eating grins as they go around him showing each other the map and pointing at something.
“What now?”
There’s a knock at the portrait, and the Fat Lady’s shrill voice could be heard from where they were sitting. Peter jumps up, sticking his face over the enchanted parchment as he giggles a bit like a schoolgirl, “It’s for you. Your friend’s outside.” They all cheer and laugh at Remus shaking his head, slinging his knapsack over his shoulder walking quickly away from them.
When he sees you chatting with the Fat Lady, it’s almost as if he’s in a stupor, studying every inch of your face until your eyes finally meet his and you grin and wave at him.
Just friends, he reminds himself.
“Hey Rem! Was gonna ask if you wanted to go to the library together?”
Your voice is a treat in itself, he thinks—the lilt and manner of it so sweet and rich it almost reminds him of his favorite chocolate.
Good thing he has a sweet tooth.
Walking down the hallway together your hand bumps into his several times in passing, fingers ghosting against each other as if they were dancing, too close and then too far. Friends can hold hands right? Remus’s heart flutters as he thinks of the possibility like solving an Arithmancy problem. He supposes the boys and him don’t necessarily hold hands, but he imagines holding yours would be way nicer.
Is he sweating?
His palms are sweaty, forget it, and you’re just friends! You’re telling him about your day like you both haven’t seen each other in years, but he even sat by you at lunch earlier, much to the rest of the Marauders’ surprise. Though Remus supposes you could even make Divination sound interesting—maybe even make him look in the stupid tea leaves to see if you’re in his future, furry little problem and all. He realizes he’s been staring a second too long, bumping into you lightly as you stop in front of the library.
“Haha, you okay? You’re quiet today, Rem. Something on your mind?”
A lot about you, apparently, thanks to his meddling friends.
Remus scratches the nape of his neck as he grimaces, cheeks reddening again and instead of a response, he opens the door for you and puts his finger to his mouth as if to say “Shhhh….” before Madam Pince starts a fit at either of you. That, or him actually having to say how he feels.
How he feels… Well…shit.
You make a beeline for an open table near the corner, tugging at his wrist like it’s not making his heart beat out of his chest and Remus tries to compose himself, but then you look at him with your pretty fluttering eyelashes and he knows he’s utterly fucked. Pulling out your chair for you, you squeeze his arm in thanks and scooch your chair closer to his.
“Rem?”
“Hmm?” he responds, a strangled noise crawling up his throat as he coughs slightly, his arm landing on the back of your chair before he panics then realizes he’d look like an arse for pulling away.
Not that he wants to.
“How did you know?”
His heart genuinely stops. There’s no way you’ve caught on that quickly—especially not with him just realizing how he feels about you, his friend that he wants to be more and there is nothing casual about what he wants to d—
“How’d you know I was at the common room? You walked out just as I was about to walk in, I thought it was kinda funny,” you giggle, brushing your hair behind your ear and he takes a deep breath.
You’re just friends. But he definitely wants to be more.
“The boys told me it was you,” Remus says, chewing on his lip, “Apparently they had a feeling.”
And now, so does he.
What’s worse is that Remus hates admitting when they’re right (which is rare enough in itself, he’ll never hear the end of it from their inflated egos).
What’s worst of all is that for the first time in his Hogwarts career, Remus Lupin ends up submitting an essay late.
#jo's 23rd birthday bash ⋆｡°✩#remus lupin x reader#remus lupin x gn!reader#marauders x reader#marauders imagine#for my gn babies (づ ◕‿◕ )づ#made by ma1dita ♥︎#remus lupin fluff#marauders era
193 notes
·
View notes
Note
hi....... may i request a male reader who's really affectionate with everyone and constantly wants to cuddle up w the BAU team? he's like the personification of a cat — ⚰️
Hello! It's been a minute since I wrote for the BAU, so I would love to write this. Hope you enjoy ⚰!
Warnings! Not a total furry reader just have a personality and characteristics of a cat y'know, could be seen as platonic or romantic.
BAU X AFFECTIONATE MALE READER
-Caught everyone a bit off guard when it was your first day and you're already welcoming everyone with open arms. But Derek and Penelope gladly returned the hug.
-Penelope is quick to warm up with you and show your affection right back. She just immediately bounces off your vibes and actions.
-Reid was the most caught off guard. Since he's already stiff and awkward it took back when the new guy hugged him
-Once everyone in the team gets used to your behavior and actions they'll love and protect you with all their hearts.
-One of the ways Derek notices your having an off day is when you don't cuddle up with anyone as you usually do. Hotch immediately notices when you don't greet anyone with a hug or even a small hand on the shoulder.
-Hotch occasionally reminds you that sometimes people have boundaries and limits of affection.
-Emily is a bit surprisingly more willing to cuddle up with you on the jet. Sharing the seats together holding each other in a koala type grip.
-Hotch not minding if you just walk into his office and sit on his lap and nuzzle up to him as he works on paper work.
-Spencer just being Spencer thinks there's a more physiological reason for your behavior and wants to ask about your childhood or your personal life, but too nervous to ask.
-Derek having to pull you off other agents from different states/ from different units. "Y/n. We have plenty of time to cuddle with the agents after we so love this case."
-Hotch becoming protective of you in different states. Especially when they underestimate you because of how you act around the team. "Don't underestimate Agent L/n. He's in the FBI for a reason. Don't mistake his kindness for weakness."
-Sometimes when it is hard on the field and you are all flying back home in the jet. You'll gather everyone up on the couch and help them all get comfortable before laying down with them. Now it's just a big cuddle pile of tired FBI agents.
-Spencer was the one to finally point out how you remind him of a cat. Now everyone wouldn't let go of calling you a cat. To the point Derek sometimes narrates your every movement like on some animal documentary. "Look at the wild Cat. Only one left of the L/n breed. Watch how it's going into his natural habit." Derek narrates watching you go into Hotch's office. it's like an inside joke for only you and the team is supposed to know.
-If anyone else calls you "Cat." Like some random agent/ sheriff they're gonna get looked at crazy by the team. And exchange looks and side eyeing the person.
-Going inside Penelope's little bat cave spending hours cuddling while you nap on her.
-Catching everyone off guard by your little "cat naps." One minute you're talking about random stuff while drinking coffee. Then all of a sudden you put your head down on your desk for about twenty minutes later your back up yapping.
-Spencer saw you about fifty times before watching you fall to small- HUGE height for you to still land on your feet. Becomes a bit suspicious of you.
-The BAU watches you do parkour/ climbing things as you chase off an unsub who's on the run. "Get that bastard Y/n!" Derek shouts looking at the roof of a tall building watching you chase the unsub.
-Penelope buys you a pair of cat ears like hers.
-You making group hugs be mandatory after each hard case. Just to keep in mind you didn't lose any of your family today.
THE END
#criminal minds x male reader#aaron hotch hotchner#aaron hotchner x male reader#spencer reid x male reader#spencer reid#penelope garcia#penelope garcia x male reader#x male reader#male reader#the bear club
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
HELLUVA BOSS: S2E4 REVIEW
Ganna be honest, this episode wasn’t AS bad as I thought it would be, like I’m lowkey shocked. It’s certainly not the worst out of what we’ve seen, and it didn’t piss be off to high heaven, especially since the runtime is short and Blitz and Stolas are away from one another here, but….it still wasn’t….good, so let’s get into it.
So everyone already knows this episode was….so fast paced. Andrealphus doesn’t even get a proper introduction, and like I said before, in the span of one fucking minute, we have Stolas and Stella petty banter, Andrealphus, and Striker coming back to kidnap him. For starters, Yayy….glad to see Stolas and Stella acting like petty middle schoolers towards eachother. I was right when I said that the writers can’t figure out what they want their dynamic to be. Like….this is supposed to be the same couple that’s in an abusive serious situation, and it kinda doesn’t make me take them seriously if they’re just swearing at each other and bickering Viv. Also, glad to know the writers are outright saying “cheating is okay”- simply because Stella never liked him, so again….way to take the flaws Stolas had in season 1 and completely erase them and excuse them, just because you want Stolas to be in the right. It’s so distracting how fucking retconned they are, they might as well just have said “Stolas did nothing wrong” in Loo Loo Land if these were the writer’s true colors all along, but since Viv wrote this episode, I’m not surprised.
They hyped Andrealphus up but he gets like….two scenes and doesn’t do much like…lmao. In The Circus, again…they try to make it clear that divorce in the Goetia family is uwu serious, and Stella mentions Andrealphus, implying that he would be upset, or is a threat. When we actually meet him tho, he isn’t even….upset about the divorce? Why did Stella mention him then? What was the point of foreshadowing him and having Stolas say he doesn’t care what he thinks if Andrealphus was just going to be all like “oh you’re getting divorced? Okay, give us money then”- like it’s so fucking underwhelming but we’ll get back to him and Stella later. Also we see that Stolas has a scheduled meeting with Ozzie, implying that he may be trying to get that crystal after all. But…can this show just fucking….stop teasing us with future shit and just do it already? I’m so tired of the show dangling plot threads to come later in our face but they either NEVER come or the execution is underwhelming.
Blitz continues to be the most annoying and unfunny character in the entire show. His jokes and dialogue are a fucking pain to sit through and the scene where he’s trying to announce his appointment and fights with the lady in the waiting room drags and is unneeded. In fact, this whole side plot was unneeded. Viv doesn’t know how to fucking balance this show, she wants episodes to be serious and story driven but have a slice of life filler side plot at the same time and guess what? It doesn’t work or blend well. The constant cut aways are distracting from the main plot and you could have used this premise for a different episode. Loona doesn’t even have any dialogue, you could have at least improved the relationship between her and Blitz or had a moment of her being thankful that he was here and comforting her, appreciating him more….ya know….character development……..something that would have made this side plot actually useful since this is supposed to be a fucking “character driven” show about the relationships between the characters, but no. This side plot existed to pat out the run time and give Blitz and Loona something to do so they’re not just sitting there. As usual Loona does nothing, is useless and only there for the furry porn. The shot of her butt with the needle was 100% on purpose, I can tell.
(Also we’re on season 2 and only now finally get to see an upfront interaction of Imps being treated as the lower class, but it doesn’t do anything. This show tells us instead of showing us, they constantly remind you that imps are at the bottom but Blitz still literally has a good job that pays well and aside from the wrath imps providing food too feed hell, there’s no exploration of how imps having it lower than any other demon species. If anything it seems like Imps and the rest of the Hellborn species are all on the same ranking because Viv can’t storytell.) Also what is with the bleeping? I really don’t get it, it’s not funny and it’s distracting, making scenes awkward.
Predicted it, but Moxxie and Millie were…unneeded in this episode and were only included to fight Striker. These two really are useless when they’re not the focus and you can tell Viv has no idea what to do with them when they’re not. Also…..Viv…..Viv……is Moxxie strong, or not? Make up your fucking mind. In this episode he’s able to get the upper hand against a bigger imp, make him bleed and tie him to the car without an issue, and yet he’s been characterized as weak and not the muscle of the group. Is he strong or not? YAYY MORE CHARACTER INCONSISTENCIES! And glad to know Millie did nothing….as usual. Besides fight.
So Stolas has officially become Angel Dust, and Moxxie is slowly turning into Blitz so that’s great. It’s amazing how there’s barley a difference between the Stolas and Angel tho, he’s just Angel Dust. And Chaz. And Blitz. And every other fucking gay male character Viv writes. The constant cursing, the quick sassy witty banter, the sex jokes of him being tied up, you can tell Viv wrote this with those “harder” jokes between Moxxie and Stolas like…wow, it’s amazing how her gay characters have recycled personalities, aka the Sassy gay twink. Anyway, to me, Stolas before was horny and rabid don’t get me wrong, but something about the way he is in this episode just irks me more. I get that he hates Stella and Striker, but now he just seems like a petty sassy royal bird who acts like a child 24/7…..and it’s unfunny…..and annoying. All these characters are written like fucking children I can’t.
Apparently Striker has a reputation, is wanted around Hell and is well known for being an assassin now??? I thought he was just some Imp who was hired to kill someone? Lmao yet another retcon because if this was the case before, you’d think IMP would have heard of him in Harvest Moon. What’s also retconned is Striker saying he was asked to give Stolas the “full royal treatment”, to torture him I guess but….no? He was hired to shoot Stolas with an angelic gun. Why didn’t he just fucking shoot him. Speaking of that, where is the fucking angelic gun? The IMP gang had it last, and now they don’t have it. Also I already pointed this out but…Stolas can’t recognize Striker despite meeting him in episode 5 upfront. Let’s actually talk about Striker tho. He wasn’t perfect but he certainly was the best part of the episode. I actually applaud Bosco for his voice acting, and the scene with him snapping at the band to leave him alone was the only joke that made me laugh. I didn’t care about Striker that much before but this episode honestly made me did now, ignoring the fact that he’s characterized as egotistical. Problem is tho, like the rest of the antagonists, Stikers kinda just a tool. So he….may or may not be dead, I legit have no idea. If he is dead however….boy oh boy, that would piss me off, because IF he IS dead……then way to go guys, you killed off the only interesting and cool character. 🫠
I expected it, but it’s amazing how everything beforehand regarding him was for nothing if he does turn out dead. The tension he had between him and Moxxie? Would be gone. The fact that he appeared in Blitz’s hallucination, being someone who was similar to Blitz but they used their skills differently yet were the same regarding being mistreated by the upper class? Would be gone. Striker wanting to rebel against the higher class? Gone. Blitz doesn’t even get to interact with him before he dies, for a character that clearly had an impact on him. I was going to applaud this episode for actually being consistent and keeping Striker the same person who despises the upper class for what they do to the lower class, they even imply that he had someone he cares about taken away, but it’s all fucking gone if they KILLED HIM OFF. It all would go nowhere in the end and it pisses me off now because you HAD an interesting character, a villain who contrasted the main character, who had a point and could be humanized, and who rightfully calls out Stolas and his people being the scum of the earth, and now he might be dead because once again, Vivzie is an impatient writer who pushes the story forward too fast before we can even get to know these important characters, and also doesn’t want Stolas to be in a position where he’s in the wrong. Bro was literally eating at a rich place where imps serve you, treats his butler like a stress toy, talks down to Blitz and other imps…he’s not innocent Viv.
(It’s also obvious but this episode suffers from pacing issues, the constant cut aways, and scenes moving by so fast we can’t digest any of it. The FIGHT scene tho? Good god that was a mess, it’s literally faster than Millie’s fight scene from last episode, and the annoying songs playing as we kept cutting to Blitz at the appointment REALLY doesn’t help. I really feel like this studio can’t handle fight scenes….at all, or knows how they work. The video literally gets fucking blurry at one point like what the FUCK LMAO…..either hire someone who knows how to animate action scenes or don’t do action scenes at all.)
I knew Stella was still going to be one note, so I wasn’t surprised, but honestly what did piss me off is how stupid they make her. She was inconsistent before but now she’s just an idiot, because apparently she needed to be TOLD that once Stolas dies, everything goes to Octavia. Like are you kidding me? She’s so dumb that she needed to be told that?? She doesn’t even respond when Andre mentions Via, lmao her whole character really is “me hate Stolas and me want him dead” and nothing else. I’ll give the episode this, even though we barley got to see Andre, he wasn’t insufferable like I thought he would be, in fact, he’s more tolerable than Stella and Stolas combined since he’s the one who’s annoyed at their bickering and calls Stella out for being dumb, but that’s not a writing flex. Andre clearly seems to be the smart mastermind leading Stella now, I have no idea wether if they’ll later make her sympathetic and paint Andre out to be the baddie leading her, or not, it would be bad writing either way tho. Speaking of that….the way Andre treats Stella is off, and I don’t mean in the way that he could be evil. Like other critic blogs have been saying, he calls her attractive, a minx, and a vixen, all words you….wouldn’t really call your sister. It’s really gross and I’m starting to think the information we’ve been given of these two secretly screwing might be true. Like…if we’re doing straight up incest, I’m ganna hurl.
Andre also is all like “if we keep him alive, we’ll have more opportunities, let’s wait till we can get the upper hand”- and I’m…..what? You HAD the upper hand, that’s number one, and number two, this dialogue is VERY vague and makes me feel like Viv had no idea what exactly Andre’s end goal is here, so she used this dialogue as an excuse to figure it out later since she doesn’t plan shit ahead. Because what is Andre’s end goal? It’s confusing. Stella wants him dead, but then they’re talking about money and possessions. Andre seems to want to help Stella have Stolas’s estate, but she just wanted him dead because she hates him. Now you’re telling me she wants his estate too? YAY MORE RETCONS AND CONFUSING PLOT HOLES. Guess we’ll have to wait for Viv to figure out their motivations later lol.
Yada yada another retcon, Blitz cares for Uwu Stolas and is a dumbass for acting like he never knew Stolas could get hurt despite having a fucking angelic weapon on him and learning royals could be in danger in the last season, moving on-
So we’re finally at the end, the most important scene, the text scene. For starters, just like the other critic blogs have been saying……Ozzie’s finally……FINALLY gets brought up again and acknowledged, and it’s over a fucking blink and you’ll miss it half- assed text message. Like….WOW Viv, way to scrape the bottom of the barrel and confront this in the most underwhelming way possible. Would have been actually impactful and better if we saw this go down on fucking screen and have Blitz and Stolas address this in person, but nah let’s just have it happen off screen because storytelling and Viv? They don’t know each other!
But putting that aside, I want to talk about two important problems I had with this scene, because nobody is talking about how these messages make no goddamn sense. So if you actually read the messages between Blitz and Stolas, I hate how Stolas is characterized here, and I don’t mean how he’s suddenly acting like he always cared about Blitz because that’s been a problem since Ozzie’s, I’m talking about how oblivious and emotionally clingy he is. Like…seriously these text messages are a fucking mess. He suddenly acts clueless to how Blitz feels, wondering if he was upset or not, as if Blitz didn’t fucking tell him exactly why afterwards. Fuck you mean by “you just took off?”- I’m sorry Viv, did you forget the scene where Blitz drove Stolas home that night and called him out on his bullshit, saying all he did was treat him like a plaything? Because yeah, Ozzie’s may have finally been fucking mentioned in this show, but now it’s retconned AGAIN because apparently Stolas is a dumbass and can’t remember why Blitz was mad at him in the first place when he had spelled it out loud and clear. Stolas’s text messages make it out to be like they left the restaurant after Ozzie’s taunting and the scene with them at Stolas’s house never happened. Then Stolas is saying shit like “okay well phew glad you’re not upset then Ozzie is a kidder lol I didn’t mind the jabs he makes at me”- I…..WHAT??? What the fuck is going on? Why is Stolas written differently here? Why is the events of Ozzie’s written differently now? Stolas was literally embarrassed by Ozzie calling him out and hid in his menu, much to Blitz’s dismay. They then leave, Stolas can obviously tell Blitz is upset, and when he tries to reach to him gently, Blitz shuts him out, causing Stolas to cry alone. This episode is apparently now acting like their quarrel never happened because the dialogue is written as if they’re referring to Ozzie’s torment, not Blitz calling him out. This legit pisses me off because the show is once again telling us what we saw didn’t happen and rewriting it to fool us. Making Stolas out to be some vulnerable softie who cares about Blitz’s well being too—
And finally, Viv does what she does best by wanting to make you ship Blitz and Stolas together SO badly, but accidentally contradict herself by showing even MORE proof on why these two aren’t good for each other. Putting all the retconning aside, in this case it’s that…surprise surprise, Blitz is constantly miserable and unhappy around Stolas, or whenever they interact. And it’s not even that Blitz can��t communicate, or sucks at emotions, he just doesn’t fucking LIKE Stolas, and I don’t understand how many times the show is going pin that nail on the head until something actually happens, because this scene would have been more impactful if we weren’t already HERE before. Remember The Circus Viv? Stolas going through his Instagram and noticing Blitz was miserable all the time, and reflecting on how their relationship was a figment of his imagination? This scene is the same, it’s just done through text messages now. Why are we doing this again. And I don’t get what Viv’s end goal is here. Is she trying to make Stolas realize that Blitz never gave a shit about him (because we’re on season two and this bird brain can’t take a hint) or is she trying to make Stolas go “I thought he didn’t care but omg he texted me “get well soon” he DOES love me!” Yeah…probably the last option. This ship sucks. If anything…..why can’t Blitz and Stolas just be fucking friends? You wanna say they care about each other? Fine. But romantically, it just doesn’t work. They aren’t good for each other, and function better as friends, but GOD forbid, we can’t have that because they do the dirty in bed SO IT CAN’T BE PLATONIC, it must be romantic! I was literally right, this ship gets worse and worse every passing episode and Viv wants you to ship it so hard despite the fact that she STILL hasn’t given me ONE good reason why they should be a couple. End of story.
So that pretty much it. This episode was nowhere near has bad as the previous three, it’s the most tolerable, but still heavily flawed in the writing department. The dialogue still lacks nuance and sounds like an edgy 12 year old wrote it, the world is still empty, pacing was off, the animation was off too at times, the constant sex jokes during serious scenes are distracting and take away from what’s going on, the side plot didn’t need to happen, there’s also SCENES that didn’t need to happen, there are multiple retcons and empty plot holes/threads, and Viv once again can’t write a complex serious gay couple. She just doesn’t have the writing chops for it, especially since she keeps rewriting aspects and flip flopping between who is the worse lover and who isn’t. I’ll talk more about this episode later, you know how I rant a lot lol. Tomorrow I’ll be finally answering inbox questions too! If you managed to read my endless rant essay, I thank you! See you soon!
#vivziepop critical#spindlehorse critical#helluva boss critical#helluva boss critique#helluva boss criticism#helluva critical#helluva boss#helluva boss Stolas#helluva boss andrealphus#helluva boss Stolitz#Stolitz critical#review
309 notes
·
View notes
Text
One of these days I'm gonna get completely zonked and write out an entire fucking essay on why Mister Metokur sucks and I don't like him, but I feel like I could just say "he kickstarted the internet dumpster fire that was GamerGate" and have justified my position completely.
So fucking tired of orbiting communities that talk about internet weirdos/drama and seeing creators kiss the fucking ring of some guy just because he's got a voice for radio and surrounds himself with people who are stupider than he is so he can toss them aside as soon as they inevitably do some stupid bullshit that he can make fun of and feel justified in doing so, like Sargon of Akkad and Ethan Ralph, all while lamenting that internet culture has changed since the 2000's and people on the internet like furries now more than they like otaku.
Oh yeah and he's using James Somerton's suicide note as an opportunity to expose Hbomberguy for shit he did nearly two decades ago and shame him for "troll's remorse." If I didn't highly suspect that this is another ploy by James to manipulate people into feeling sorry for him, I'd probably be more disgusted, but it proves this man just operates on pure spite. Like yeah, I get it, overly-performative troll's remorse is fucking cringe, but you're on a podcast with Null making jokes about "stinkditches" and saying unambiguously racist shit while laughing (in a video conveniently deleted from YouTube from September 17th, 2022). And if it weren't for Jim's army of asskissers, I'd probably be way more open about this sort of thing. But who's even reading my Tumblr at this point anyway?
The first time I remember being alarmed by him was that video he did on that creepy pedo who looked at photos of kids in bathtubs, and he was in a call with this guy and some girl said pedo was friends with, and Jim lost his patience and called her a "hole" and to shut up. People kiss Metokur's ass over this video. I don't even know if any action, criminal or otherwise, was taken against the dude and it was just an exercise in lording not being a pedophile over some deeply disturbed guy who probably had some kind of mental disability.
I am pretty much always going to have a fixation on strange internet people, internet drama, and horrifying nightmare people given unrestricted internet access. This is a character flaw of mine. I have tried to view these people more fairly in recent years, though to be honest, there's quite a few of them that are pretty goddamn hard to feel sorry for. But I also recognize a lot of my fascination was probably, at least partially, trollshielding; if I join in with the people making fun of these people, that means I won't be a target. It was a survival strategy learned from childhood and I'm not proud of it. But I also can't do the full troll's remorse because some of those people I talked shit about really were awful people. That doesn't make it okay when I would be snarky and judgemental towards people that didn't deserve it. Trying to stop a pedophile or helping shed light on a zoosadism ring doesn't make you a good person because even bigots hate pedos and people that torture animals. Congratulations on having the faintest resemblance of a conscience, it'd be nice if you could show that same outrage on behalf of black people and trans women. But we know you ain't doin' that.
Also I swear to god if somebody refers to him as "daddy Jim" and they're not taking the piss I'm gonna give them such a pinch.
P.S. James is very likely alive, btw. Who could have seen the serial liar and manipulator telling lies and emotionally manipulating people?
30 notes
·
View notes
Text
"Selfish"
One Shot - RPF
Characters: Ethan Hawke
Posted: Dec 29th
WARNINGS: fluff, absolute fluff, gross fluff, tiku doesn't write this kinda fluff but here you go. Smut is hinted at.
A/N: sometime your friend asks for a story and it happens... really hope this is what you wanted @cevans-is-classic
Like, Comments, & Reblogs are always appreciated and loved.
**Please Do Not Repost or 'Fix' My Work**
“Baby, I'm home!” He called a little chuckle curving his lips. It never ceased to amaze him that such a small inside joke would please him so much, he dropped his keys in the dish and toed his boots off, slipping them in place.
He was exhausted, the day of filming had taken longer than he expected and he had kept up well enough with your texts throughout the day, but he had eventually sent you one that explained he wouldn't respond till much later.
You understood of course and he had grinned at the heart and kiss emojis you sent his way. Along with one that saluted him, another inside joke. “Yessir” it was you being sassy, joking that he was older, he knew it was in fondness and he loved it. You. He loved you.
He sighed heavily as he stepped into the darkened living room, scanning his phone for last minute details about work and leaning a hip against the couch, he nearly jumped out of his skin when you shifted on the couch beside him.
Ethan looked up to realize the TV set was not off, but merely in rest mode. If he touched the remote he just knew there would be a documentary on or some true crime shit. Setting his phone on the stand nearby he leaned down to rest his arms on the backside of the couch, one of your legs was uncovered, bright sock sticking out. He tried not to laugh loudly, softening as he took in your sleeping face. He carefully reached out and ran a single finger down your face, smirking as you scrunched your face. He repeated the motion, a memory of you atop him gasping softly as he ran his finger along the curve of your jaw. ‘Beautiful…’
“Beauty..” He hummed softly, he remembered when you had first met.
He had called you sweetheart and you had corrected him, reminding him of your name. “Why?” He had asked.
“Stop that,” you chided him, “nobody calls me those kinds of names. Certainly not someone like you, I'm just here to help. You'll forget about me eventually.”
“Uuughhh!” You moaned, catching his wrist in your hand while simultaneously kicking the large furry soft blanket off you. “Stop that!” You mumbled sleepily.
Ethan dropped his head to the side, he couldn't help but grin, you had that effect on him. He couldn't not smile when you were nearby, just like he couldn't not look at you, even while others spoke to him bright blue eyes slipped to your form, tracking your moves. “Hey there love.” He watched your face color as you sat up and decided he would never tire of it.
You yawned, the shoulder of your oversized shirt slipping off exposing skin, “hOOoow was your day?” You asked around the yawn, legs stretching as you blinked rapidly and rubbed at your eyes with your free hand, the other still locked around his wrist.
You were selfish, he found. Once he stepped into your space, once he made certain you understood you could touch he couldn't keep your hands off him. Simple little things. Your fingers catching his shirt or sleeve, simply bumping into him from behind, fingers slipping into his pocket. He would pull you in under his arm silently, even if he was speaking to another, you hated when he ruffled your hair but stood patiently while he did so.
He was selfish, maybe.
Maybe he loved you too much.
Moving you into his place, within a couple months of dating, but it turned out you had a knack for fixing homes. His bare walls filled up with interesting pictures– “we don't even have a baby… why is this on our walls?”
“It's a conversation starter?” You had answered, “see? Conversation started…”
He laughed, but his items were never thrown out or moved far from their original spot. Blankets were placed on the couch and extra pillows, he didn't understand until he'd gotten in from a long day and fell asleep on said couch, he had been warmed and the pillows soft, before he would wake to an achy body.
To him, you were magic.
You reached up, fingers scratching along his scruffy jaw, making him hum contentedly. “Did you eat?” You asked, swinging your legs over the edge of the couch, losing contact with his face as you stood.
Ethan wrapped his fingers around your hand, watching as you smiled sleepily and followed his direction around the couch and in front of him. “I did eat, what about you? Hiding under large blankets?” He asked, easily slotting his large frame against yours, he needed it, maybe he had become too accustomed to having you touch him. It didn't matter, he needed you touching him.
“I ate,” you hummed as he leaned down and pressed his lips to yours softly. You smiled into the kiss, a little dazed at the sudden affection but not complaining.
“Still sleepy?” He asked, breath warm on your lips. You nodded, hands slipping around his slim waist and snuggling closer. “Perfect…” he hummed, walking you towards the bedroom, “I'm going to curl up around you and you cannot deny me.”
“Oh nOoOo! The travesty of it all,” you laughed breathily as you clutched at him to keep your balance.
Ethan didn't turn on a single light, instead patting the soft night light you kept beside the bed.
“It is not a night light!” You protested.
“You use it at night?”
“Well - yes..”
“Is it to brighten the entire room?”
“Tsk, well no–”
“Use it to see just enough?”
You scowled, arms crossing over your chest as you refused to answer.
“It's a night light and I love it, just like I love you,” he had laughed softly, looking back at his book. It took a moment, but he realized he had said it aloud and then sighed softly at the quiet overtaking the space between the two of you. “Baby, it's alright, you don't have to say it back, it's just how I feel” he looked up when he heard a soft noise, panicking when he realized you were in tears, he dumped his book on the floor, the bookmark skidding across clean hardwood floors as he scrambled across the bed to capture your face in his hands, “no, no, what? What is it?!”
“You weren't supposed to say it before me!” You managed. “We just moved in together and everything was so fast… I was going to say it but- but –”
He laughed, magic, you were the magic people talked about in scripts, the magic that made dealing with everything worth it. Magic that made him happy to wake in the morning. “I take it back!” He laughed, swiping at your face, “I take it back” he said softer, pressing a kiss to your lips, “now you say it…”
“I love you,” you said, voice wavering softly as he kissed you, “I love you,” you repeated, more confidently this time, laughing softly against his lips.
“Jus’ a minute,” you whined softly as he directed you to bed, wrapping yourself around him, seeking out his warm body.
“Baby,” he hummed, “I need to change.”
“Okay…” You pouted, untangling yourself and climbing into bed, watching as he undressed and slipped into PJ'S, quickly scooting into him once he was in under the covers. “Ethan..”
He pressed his forehead to yours, thumb gently running along your jaw, “hmm?”
“I'm glad you're home,” you answered softly, eyes closed, already slipping back into the dark realm of dreams as he tangled his legs with yours.
“Me too baby,” he hummed, watching you drift off into sleep.
He was in love.
Too far in it to escape, not that he wanted to. No, he had been wrong, you weren't the selfish one. He was.
Read on Ao3
51 notes
·
View notes
Text
Ask Compilation Because We Are TIRED.
@azzythestupid:
Last night i tried having a dream about radioapple via looking through all your radioapple asks on here
I had a dream about blitzø and striker somehow
Anonymous:
Been watching Taylor Tomlinson's Netflix comedy specials and she has this joke where she talks about how growing up religious made her weird in many ways, one of which was masturbating wrong for her entire adult life. She goes on to explain that because her youth group was told that masturbation itself isn't a sin, it's the lust in your heart when you're doing it, she decided she could masturbate as long as she kept her mind totally blank except for "road trip thoughts (almost there, making good time)." Anyway that's Vaggie to me hjhjhb
@azzythestupid:
Ay did you answer my ask abt the "au where hh characters are in the place of hb characters"? If you did can you gimmie a link 2 it
@blaackbiird:
alla that little red Riding Hood ask but it's Hoodwinked
@xxx-angiedust
"creepy old guy" from beetlejuice but someone for me it's literal
'gum disease' which alastor canonically has black gums from a lack of hygeine iirc
also i love beetlejuice too i would marry him or alastor fr
Anonymous asked:
Since when did the cannibal colony get tumblr?!?!
Anonymous asked:
Blood and cannibalism? Who started this??
-Alastors dick
Anonymous asked:
huskers-bar mom has got it going on~
Anonymous asked:
How Alastor hasn't given himself chronic wasting disease is a mystery beyond anyone's understanding. Either human or as a deer demon, he shows no signs of having gotten a torturous existence via prion.
xxx-angiedust asked:
if gay people don't exist, how are you this popular?
checkmate liberals
Anonymous asked:
Oh, they look good!
-Alastors dick
Anonymous asked:
I know where Eve went.
She was turned into a rubber duck!
Anonymous asked:
Oh! I've found it!
-Alastors dick
Anonymous asked:
B-b-bingus cursed alastor cat
Anonymous asked:
I feel devious, like I'm a little rat scurrying around when I leave a message in a blogs inbox anonymously and they only know me by some goofy ass name I thought up.
-Alastors dick
Anonymous asked:
I just got sent the something anonymously and now I must send it here.
Can you blow my whistle baby, whistle baby, let me know-
-Alastors dick
Anonymous asked:
I know you know who I am, I'm just hiding from the other people on this blog. It's like the confessionals, you see.
*thump* *bleat* *thump* is canon????
-Alastors dick
I usually hate swifties because of a expierence but ill make an exeption for you cursed mod
-😋
Anonymous asked:
Hii! How are you this hellish morning/day/evening/night ? :>
Love how you and huskers-bar have a ship name now😂
-🦋
Anonymous asked:
Just to piggyback off angeldust never forgiving Valentino and redemption/ forgiveness, I once had a pastor tell me that if I was unable to forgive someone who hurt me badly, then it was ok to just forgive myself for not forgiving my abuser. Forgiveness can come in many different forms and part of redemption is forgiving yourself
Anonymous asked:
wsg
im the person that did an ask on the charlie x al and on how i let my friend used my acc
lemme tell u smth
I WANNA FUCKING DIE THIS FURRY ASS SHIT KEEPS APPEARING ON MY FYP
AND I FEEL SO BAD FOR VAGGIE😭😭
love u btw
muah🥰🥰
xxx-angiedust asked:
"why does everyone suddenly wanna get cartoon characters pregnant?"
i've been writing mpreg since i was 11
xxx-angiedust asked:
i need alastor's tentacles inside me
i need to ripped apart by them like rire in boyfriend to death
@fujillamaparadise asked:
Alastor + Loki = ??????
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
an incredibly personal rating of bmc ship names (ship names only, regardless of my feelings toward the ship itself)
boyf riends - 6/10. cute but so hard to tag. i think i saw backpack boyfriends being used back in the day that's a cute alternative
stagedorks - 9/10. a little basic but a classic it's cute
spicy bis - -5/10. this one is awful. makes zero sense, sounds atrocious, jeremy isn't even canonically bi. the other alternatives were even worse (i don't even wanna say it) but why use any of them when richjer exists
deere - 9/10. i fucking love it it's just their last names smashed together but it's fucking deere (dillinjer is a 4/10 because pronunciation-wise it's too similar to dillinger)
puppy love - 5/10. cute but straying a little into the tired 'jeremy is a furry' joke imo
expensive headphones - 3/10. idk it's just lazy and it's a common enough phrase for me to get violent whiplash when i encounter it in the wild
pins and patches - 5/10. super super cute but soooo niche like how is one supposed to figure this out???
upstage - 10/10. makes complete sense, simple and cute. love it.
playride - 10/10. basically same as above
dramatical theatre - 3/10. it took me so long to get this especially since none of chloe's other ship names involve the word 'drama' (to my knowledge at least??)
cinnabun - 0/10. none of y'all really gave a shit about jenna or christine and it shows
richjake - 10/10. look idc if it's 'boring' it's hilarious that these two out of all the characters got the most basic-ass shipname so ic of them (choosing to ignore arson bros which is a solid 0/10!)
arsonberry - -10/10. including all its other variants like fucking. hot dog. the only acceptable one is richbrooke. what's wrong with richbrooke anyway why are we not using that??
pupgrade - 2/10. just my personal opinion. like c'mon where's the effort
royal pains - 10/10. absolutely immaculate, captures their vibes perfectly. yes they are royal pains indeed.
pinkberry - 6/10. really cute and simple, fits the vibes but it's also the name of an already existing brand it's so hard to search for
iced tea - 7/10. there is a slight problem with searching but it's so clever and cute it makes up for it
gossip gals - 2/10. i always thought this would be more fitting for the smartphone hour girls' polyship??
boardwalk boys - 4/10. makes no sense but eh sounds cool lol
lesbihonest - -10/10. where do i even begin what does lesbihonest even have to do with the bmc girls. none of them are canonically lesbian. god i hate it so much this fandom really didn't care about the girls did they. if you named the boys' polyship boardwalk boys bc new jersey is famous for boardwalks or whatever then obviously the girls' polyship should be garden girls. bc y'know. nj the garden state?? it's literally right there oh my god i'm so salty about this one and i don't even ship it
37 notes
·
View notes
Text
Christmasbound IX
“It’s got a beautiful french balcony by the bedroom. And also, check out these floors, babe. Oh my god so beautiful.” she says excitedly, with that same excited smile on her face as always when she can’t contain her feelings in front of him. She holds her phone down to show him everything she’s just talked about over Facetime, giving him a good view of what she’s seeing at this moment. He’s just comfortably sitting in his hotel room on the other side of the world, smiles at her excitement with some sleep in his eyes and a blanket up to his chest.
“The area is actually quite good, too.” he adds, as Taylor already continues to march through the big empty room, until she has reached the hallway where Elizabeth is standing, also taking pictures with her phone from where she stands.
“Look, this would be her room then.” Taylor says then in a more serious voice, filming the big and bright room with the massive window sills that open up the space to the grand backyard. Nothing but green grass and pine trees and another Victorian balcony, that offers a majestic view over the entire outside property. A certain kind of light and life filling this room that she envisions for the very first sensory experiences of her child. Big trees, lots of light, lots of space to run and grow and let your fantasy run wild. She certainly can envision to raise her here. Just the three of them here. Not to forget, also adding the three furry babies that will take over the place quicker than them.
“So you’re telling me she’s getting the master bedroom? Not fair.”
Taylor just gives him an annoyed look, can already hear his mother laughing over his comment behind her.
“I’m joking.” Joe laughs, “It’s perfect. But that balcony there gives me some anxiety.”
“That’s what your mom said, too.” Taylor sighs, can’t believe how many things you have to think of when becoming parents. The first thing that came to Elizabeth’s mind when viewing this house, was the accessible balcony with the big holes in the rails that would make it easy for a crawling child to simply fall through.
“But look, you can always get those changed.” Elizabeth already says, shows Taylor that the parapet is only placed on top of the flooring. She’s right. They could simply change the way this rail is built and make it baby friendly.
“I don’t know if we’d want to be under construction again for a while though. Because if we change this one, we’ll have to change the other ones in the house too.” Taylor just sighs, looking from Elizabeth back at Joe. He smirks through the screen. She’s a lot more irritable ever since she’s pregnant. Everything seems to be more complicated for her all of the sudden. Things that she took lightheartedly are suddenly serious matters. It’s interesting what hormones can do for your mind. The worried look on her face almost makes him laugh.
“We don’t have to make a decision yet. This is not something we should rush, Tay.”
She looks back at the screen and nods. As so often, he’s right. Elizabeth agreeing with her son as well. She sighs. As much as she knows that he’s right, she wants nothing more than to finally find the right place for their growing family. It’s true that their townhouse is big enough for a baby. But the truth is that she’s always had this fantasy. This fantasy of her daughter making her very first memories in the same house as her siblings will one day. It shouldn’t just be a house they buy. It’s a forever home. A home for Joe and her and their family. Somewhere, they will live in for more than just a couple of years. A place where birthdays will be celebrated, first steps, first day of schools, graduation and even sending your kids off to college. A house that is a lifetime.
“I know.” she sighs, looks at him with a sad look on her face, but the blonde man with the handsome beard just grins silently.
“You look tired, crazy lady.”
“I took a nap earlier.”
“Good. Have you eaten?”
Taylor sighs again, suddenly feels a second set of eyes on her. Aside from Joe who looks at her through the screen, Elizabeth now looks at her daughter in law with a concerned look as well. She almost has to laugh. She’s surrounded by overtly worried Alwyns these days.
“I was a bit sick this morning but I had some oatmeal before we left.”
“Isn’t it almost evening in London?” he asks through the screen. Before Taylor can answer, she already feels a set of hands on her back, right over her black coat gently stroking her up and down over the warm fabric.
“It is and she’s coming over to dinner with me.” Elizabeth says, has now already held her head into the FaceTime camera. Joe just gives his mum a thumbs up and it makes Taylor laugh.
“Not necessary. I still have take out from last night at home and…”
“No way you’re eating that crap. I will make you whatever you like, my darling.” Elizabeth says, her hand still gently on Taylor’s back. Taylor just looks back at Joe and shrugs her shoulders.
“Did you hear that?” she asks with a smirk.
“I did. And I agree with my mother.”
“She loves me more than she loves you at this point.”
Elizabeth starts laughing out loud, already focused on her own phone while replying to a message from Patrick on WhatsApp.
“She does. And again, I have to agree with it.” Joe smiles at the blonde woman laughing into the camera. God how much he misses that smile. What he would give to be able to kiss these lips, hug her small frame and give that little belly all the kisses it deserves.
“Stop! I was joking.” she giggles into the camera, hasn’t failed to notice his gentle smile while still standing in the empty big room of this massive London villa.
“Miss you. Both of you.”
Taylor’s laugh now turns into a gentle smile. Butterflies in her belly fly again. She just stares at her phone screen for a second too long though, slowly feels this deep sadness overcome the butterflies in her belly. It’s unbearable these days to not have him with her. Perhaps that’s why she ends up spending so much time with his family? As if they could replace the feeling of home she gets from being with him. As if they represent a piece of Joe she’s longing for so much.
“I miss you, too. So much. Just fifteen days now.” she says, feels herself getting emotional over the thought that it’s still more than two weeks until he’s home. Half a month. Half a month more that he misses of her pregnancy. Half a month more of her having to go through this emotional and physical roller coaster all by herself.
“Will pass a lot faster than you think.” Joe says, has seen the look on her face clearly. It kills him to be apart. It never has been this hard on him. Especially because for the first time, he can see how hard it actually is on her.
“I’ll call you when I’m home later, okay?” she says, definitely longs for a longer conversation with him.
“Of course. And listen to my mother.”
She rolls her eyes again for once, then presses a big kiss onto her iPhone camera.
“I love you.”
_______________
In a violent manner, her alarm goes off. The horrific sound in both set of ears now, right through the dark of this room. Within a split second, Joe opens his eyes. Just long enough to realize that it’s still dark outside. He immediately groans, just rolls closer to the woman in bed next to him. He doesn’t fully comprehend why her phone is making these loud noises, but what he does notice is her curly long hair right in front of his nose and the fact that her naked upper arm is a bit cold. She must’ve not been properly tucked into the sheets as she usually is. Joe’s warm hand begins to stroke her skin up and down for a few seconds, enjoys the thought of him warming her up. Something that was once so natural to him. Something he wants to do for the rest of his life, because it brings him so much peace. Even though this horrific sound of her alarm, in the middle of the night when in fact it’s the holidays, drives him insane.
“What..” he just moans with eyes closed, half asleep, half groaning into the fabric of her sleeping shirt. His left arm protectively looking for her hips now.
“I have to get up.” she lets out exhaustedly, without moving. He still doesn’t understand. For a second, Joe opens his eyes again, looks over her shoulder in confusion.
“Why?” he asks again, can feel the woman next to him stir slowly. She struggles to move her body, clearly. Instead of getting up, she’s now calmly on her back, her hand tiredly over his, which casually landed on her stomach a few seconds ago. Her eyes are closed and Joe knows that she fights with her urge to continue sleeping, just like he does.
“I’m Santa Claus. Remember? Eleanor. Downstairs.” she mumbles, eyes still gently closed, but the soft hand on his makes Joe smirk tiredly. Even though she does not seem to be able to speak in full sentences yet, he knows what she means. And how could he forget? It’s Christmas morning. He gently gets closer to her again, lays his head down on her pillow as well and presses a tired kiss onto her soft cheek.
“t’s too early.” he mumbles into her cheek. Taylor moans in an almost painful manner, then shakes her head and quickly begins to move, knowing damn well that she will fall asleep in his warm arms again if she doesn’t fight this urge in her. She slowly sits up, her naked feet dangling down her boxspring bed for a second. She truly feels as if a train has just run over her. She reaches for her phone on the night stand. Five in the morning. Five in the morning, in winter, in the dark, in the cold, in England, on Christmas day. A rather unromantic evolvement of the Christmas holidays, that only parents can understand.
“She will wake up in half an hour and run downstairs. You know her.” Taylor mumbles, almost feels as if she is saying these motivating words to herself, because the man in her bed has gone quiet again. She can’t help but grin silently through the dark as she can find him lay there in peace, both eyes closed again and his hand still reaching for her thigh. She slowly lets her feet glide into her soft slippers, then quickly gets up to leave the bedroom quietly. Joe deserves his sleep. Carefully, she closes the door.
“Oh, for fucks sake. You’re… crazy.”
Taylor quickly turns around, finds Joe standing in the doorway. His hair in all directions, his body covered in his boxershorts and the white tee he always sleeps in. She has to laugh quietly at him whilst sitting on her carpet, still arranging presents under the massive Christmas tree. His blue eyes are tiny and puffy, and he’s barefoot as well. She doesn’t have to look at him for long to understand that he’s absolutely tired.
“Morning, I didn’t expect you to join me.” she smiles happily. She’s still in her sleep wear like him, a hot cup of coffee next to her while taking the tinsel out of the box next to her. She loves adding some more glitter and decoration on top of the presents under the tree. She loves to make it seem like Santa Claus has not just brought a bunch of presents - but instead has spread his magic in form of red and green glitter on top of the entire tree in this living room.
“Five in the morning and it’s Winter Wonderland in here.” Joe mumbles, a bit more grumpy than he usually is. He closes the door to the hallway carefully and tries his best to be as quiet as he can be. After all, he doesn’t want Eleanor to wake up just yet.
“There’s coffee on the counter.” Taylor says, can already see in his puffy face how happy he becomes in an instant, having heard these words escape her mouth.
“Thank god.” he mumbles, already on his way to pour himself a nice hot cup of coffee. It’s the least he needs for being awake at this ungodly hour. While taking that first, hot, incredible sip he looks outside the big window sills. The sky outside is still pitch black. Only the snow glistening and reflecting in the big windows right by the winter garden of this house. He knows that this is just part of being parents, and after all, he was the one talking Taylor into prepping the living room in the morning instead of last night. It was his idea. He wanted more time with her in bed last night and that’s why they’re awake now. However, he can’t really believe he managed to actually get out of bed, to not let her deal with all of this by herself.
After all, this time, things will be different. They already are.
“Merry Christmas, babe.”
He suddenly feels two arms wrapped around his torso, which makes him smile in an instant. He slowly places his mug on the marble counter in front of him, then slowly turns around to find her standing in front of him, both arms still around him, and a tired smile on her face. Joe’s arms automatically wander around her and he can’t help but brush her bangs off her face. With his hands on her head, he just stands there, taking a good look at her her bare face with a smile. It’s been a while.
“Merry Christmas.” he whispers back, in a way more intimate way than he’s ever said these two words to someone. With her tired smile and the little pimple on her chin, she just lets him hold her like this, doesn’t shy away from simply looking into his eyes. Eyes she knows so well.
Joe doesn’t have to ask to understand that she longs for him to kiss her. Her eyes wandering back and forth from his lips, as he can feel her get on her tiptoes already. Even before his lips finally meet hers, Taylor has already closed her eyes. Joe smiles into the kiss automatically, his hands now gently on her cheeks and her bangs hanging down again in a rather unruly way.
As he pulls back, Joe just smiles at her even more than he did before. He could say so many things to her in this moment, but he knows that he doesn’t need to. His smile says it all. He knows that she knows.
“God, you look so good this morning.” she whispers, making him cackle quietly. Her torso still pressed against his, and both his hands on her face. He loves feeling the soft skin against his fingers. He loves being able to smell her so close to him.
“Would’ve loved to stay in bed with you a bit longer.” Joe says and Taylor sighs, as if she remembers just now that half of the tinsel is still on the floor wrapped up in plastic.
“Can you help me wrap the tinsel around the beams on the ceiling? I’m almost done.” she says with a yawn, quietly agrees with Joe’s previous statement. She wouldn’t mind sleeping again for another hour or two.
“Of course.” he says, only lets go off her with hesitation before taking a last sip from the hot beverage next to him. It’s always that first cup in the morning. Heaven.
Taylor already walks back into the open living space.
“I was thinking, maybe you throw it over and I pull here?” she gestures grandly, is slowly stepping onto the chair in the living room again while holding the decorations up in the air. Joe looks at her, has to smirk quietly. She loves this. She loves decorating the house and playing Santa Claus for their daughter. She can’t convince him otherwise.
“Why don’t you go out of the way and let me do this.” he says, gently places his hands around her hips to signal her to come down from this unsteady chair and let him handle this.
“But..”
“No buts. You can fill the stockings in the meantime.”
Taylor lets him help her down the chair and smiles nodding. It’s been a while since she didn’t have to do this alone. She quietly watches him wrap the tinsel around her wooden beam with what looks like no effort. Taylor smiles quietly while filling the big fabric with chocolate and little wrapped up gifts. Within ten minutes, Joe has successfully hung up the tinsel and even adjusted the fairy lights on the inside of her winter garden. Taylor now closes the box on the floor with a satisfied look and turns her head to look around again. The Christmas tree is filled with a ridiculous amount of presents on the floor, fairy lights and glitter lighting up the room. She’s proud of her end result. Eleanor will love this. She just knows.
“Thanks for helping me. Looks great.”
She can feel Joe wrap his arms around her from behind this time, his face next to hers over her shoulder, looking into the same direction as she just did. She smiles happily, carefully leans back and loves to find herself wrapped in his familiar arms. She takes one last look at the Christmas tree, then slowly closes her eyes for a second. This feeling of safety and love is something she’s been missing for a long long time. His warm, big hands on her stomach, gently tucked under her sleeping shirt now. Memories are coming up. His loving hands on her belly. This is how it was always supposed to be.
“You’re very welcome, my love.” Joe whispers into her ear before kissing the spot on her cheek, right in front of her ear, slowly.
“What do we do now?” he asks then, can see that her eyes are gently closed. She swallows once, then turns her head into his direction, both arms still wrapped around his. Now that her face is closer to his he can shower her closed eyes with a few sweet kisses, just smiles as he sees her lips forming a smile as well.
“Bed. I’m so tired.” she murmurs and he fully agrees with her. That first coffee didn’t help. An hour more of sleep is desperately needed from both sides.
_______________
Taylor opens her eyes, needs a second to remember where she is. But within a split second, she just feels this overwhelming sensation of safety in her bones. The TV in the living room is still running and the same boring episode of Britain’s Got Talent from before is still on. The floor lamp at the end of the room is lid. It’s gone dark outside. She must have fallen asleep on the family sofa while watching the television with Elizabeth. She closes her eyes once again in exhaustion, appreciates the sofa blanket that has been placed over her body.
It’s the weirdest thing in the world. These days, she can just fall asleep anywhere and anytime. As if a deep, deep exhaustion has taken over and almost makes it impossible for her to function as she normally does. Taylor swallows tiredly once, turns her head to the left which results in her curly bangs gently falling off her face. Her hand slowly wanders to her small but prominent belly. It’s still weird for her to feel this bump there all of the sudden. This weird, growing belly that’s slowly but surely getting in the way of her and her favourite jeans. She always thought it would be scary to have a human being living inside of your body. Always imagined pregnancy like a scary Alien-like experience. Another organism taking over. When in fact, it’s quite the opposite. It’s cozy. It’s a weird feeling of warmth and togetherness in her belly. She’s not alone. She doesn’t know this growing human being but what she does know is the fact that she already loves it. And she will love it, probably for as long as she walks this planet.
With her hand gently stroking her belly for a minute, she hears Elizabeth rummaging around the kitchen. Pots that are being moved from counter to stove. The sound of the extractor fan from afar. The most incredible smell in the air. She’s making her favourite dish, Taylor can already tell. Zucchini Pasta.
Sleepy but happy, she turns around again, opens her eyes then a bit more to look at the television again. She never thought it would be possible to feel at home in a family that is not hers, but here she is. Falling asleep on Joe’s family’s sofa in the middle of the afternoon whilst his mom is preparing her dinner. A feeling of gratefulness in her chest. She slowly sits up, rubs her eyes once. If she wouldn’t actively fight the urge, she would fall asleep again. Unbelievable how much she can sleep nowadays.
With one leg hanging down the couch and the other one under her bum she can clearly feel the pressure on her bladder. Just when she was about to get up to make her way to the bathroom is when her eyes suddenly pop wide open. Within a split second, her hands both move to her belly. Her heart starts beating faster. A pretty hurtful, pretty unusual feeling is arising in her belly. Taylor breathes heavy within seconds. This can’t be happening. She’s not even seven months along yet. With shaking hands, she clutches onto her bump, tries to stay calm but fails. Panic arises. Is that why she feels the need to pee suddenly?
“Elizabeth? Can you…can you come over for a second? Please?” she yells all of the sudden, her voice has clearly gotten a lot louder and shaky. Taylor feels herself getting more and more nervous with every second passing by. The weird feeling isn’t going away. A lot of pressure on her stomach that is not going away, even with her hands pressed on her belly. This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening again.
“What’s wrong, darling?” Elizabeth already asks with a worried look on her face, the apron still covering her clothes. But that worried look in the brown-haired woman’s eyes gets even worse when she sees Taylor on the sofa, the telly still running in the background while the blonde woman sits there with tears in her eyes, holding onto her belly as if she was holding onto life.
“Taylor, what…”
“Something is wrong.” she says, her voice almost breaking. Elizabeth can see how her hands are shaking, her face that is pale all of the sudden.
“Something is really wrong, I think I need to see a doctor.” Taylor adds hectically, her chest rising, as Elizabeth has already sat down in front of her, looks at the blonde woman as worried as she does.
“What is it? Are you in pain?” she asks, her hands already securely on Taylor’s belly as well now.
“It’s this.. weird pressure since a few minutes. It’s almost like back then when I had the miscarriage. Can you call a doctor or something?” She says, her eyes already red and watery. Elizabeth just moves her hands on her belly a bit, doesn’t say anything. Then she just starts to smile quietly and looks back at Taylor who doesn’t understand her reaction at all.
“Oh, darling.” she says quietly, the gentlest smile on her lips that Taylor has ever seen. “She’s kicking. Your baby is kicking.”
Taylor looks at her in disbelief, her hand now wandering to the spot on her belly as well where the pressure can be felt the most. She swallows for a second, feels the flutter again. She can’t believe it.
“She’s… she’s kicking? That’s what that was?”
“Yeah, feel this.” Elizabeth smiles, her hand wandering across her small belly.
“Here. It’s her little foot that bothers you.”
Taylor immediately clutches her hands to the spot where Elizabeth hands have just been. She laughs quietly, then feels her eyes getting hot and teary again. A rush of love overcoming her that almost makes her dizzy.
“She’s kicking.” she says again quietly, a first tear escaping her eyes and running down her cheek slowly.
“She’s kicking.”
_______________
“Daddy, I can’t take it off. Can you help me?”
Joe just shares one last look with Taylor, who has to smirk just like him. She slowly takes another sip from her coffee, then watches Joe get up from the breakfast table for the fifth time in the last half hour. It seems that only dad is allowed to help Eleanor with her new toys. Especially when it comes to the miniature clothes she got from Santa Claus for her mini dolls to wear.
“Alright bug, but let us have breakfast after, okay?” he says while crouching down in front of the little girl in her Christmas PJs. He takes a good look at that tiny, happy face, and smiles silently as he focuses on her doll. He fully understands how excited the little girl is about all her new presents. Even though it’s been over an hour now, and he really wants her to eat before she gets dressed to go visit his family today.
“Yes, daddy. Look, the skirt is stuck.” she says, points to the fabric, and almost looks desperate. He can’t help but smirk again. Joe just inspects the screw-in button on the tiny skirt now. Can clearly feel Taylor watching him next to Eleanor under the tree. Still in his boxers and tee, being fully focused on the doll in his hand with the same serious look in his face like his daughter. Taylor has to laugh quietly, then unlocks her phone to take a picture of the two twins.
“You almost got it.” Eleanor cheers on him, just when Joe manages to finally get rid of the doll’s clothing. She smiles at him thankfully and Joe grins at her as well. He slowly leans down to press a kiss on her little curly head and then gets up to sit back down in front of Taylor at the big dining table again. She looks at him with a soft smile, doesn’t have to speak up to tell him how much she enjoys seeing him dress- and undress little dolls for his daughter. Joe smiles back at her, reaches for her hand over the table, strokes the soft skin around her thumb gently. This is how this day is meant to be. Just when Eleanor approaches the dinner table again is when Taylor immediately lets go off his hand, just watches her daughter sit down next to her father again.
“What do you want on your pancake, my love?” Joe asks her already, has just helped her climb onto the chair next to him with her doll still securely in her hand.
“I want chocolate chips and raspberry and honey.” she says with big eyes, making Taylor smile again over the six year old’s decisiveness in her voice.
“Do you want to do it yourself?” she asks, already passes her the bowl of berries as well as the plate with stapled pancakes on it. After all, she knows that Eleanor enjoys making things herself. It’s also good for her to practice these things more often. After all, she’s a school girl now. Not a baby anymore.
“Yes!” she says, confidently grabs a pancake and then reaches for the big spoon full of honey. Joe carefully helps her by holding the plate in front of her. Taylor looks at Joe again in silence. He always claims he’s not good at these parenting things. But the truth is that he’s a natural. Always has been.
“Mommy, are we going to grandma’s today?” Eleanor asks then and looks at her mother with imperious eyes. Taylor knows that she understood clearly that there was a big fight between them last night.
“Do you want to spend the day at grandma’s house? With Patrick and grandpa and Tom and..”
Taylor doesn’t have to finish the sentence because Eleanor already nods enthusiastically while loading her pancake with bananas. Taylor places her mug in front of her, then looks at Joe with an insecure look. She doesn’t know what he wants to do. She understands if he wants to spend the day with his family, too. She would support him in joining Eleanor today if that’s what he wants. But there’s no way she can sit on Elizabeth’s dinner table today. Acting as if the last night hadn’t happened. Acting as if she hadn’t hurt her to the bone with her words last night.
“Well,” Joe starts, his eyes fully focused on Eleanor now. “How would you feel if mummy and I drop you off after breakfast? And you can take your presents and your new turtle bag and have a little sleepover at grandma and grandpa’s house tonight? I’m sure Patrick is responsible for Christmas movie night tonight. And then tomorrow morning, mum and me we come to pick you up and spend Boxing Day together, just the three of us. Together with the cats and more Christmas movies. What do you think?”
Just before Taylor can say something, Eleanor already nods enthusiastically while chewing on her pancake. Taylor looks at her daughter, unsure how to react. Obviously, Joe wants to spend the day alone with her. And as happy and gushy as she feels to know that he does, she doesn’t feel convinced that this is the right thing to do. Leaving Eleanor for Christmas day. Making Joe spend the holidays apart from his family.
“Do you really want to do a sleepover at grandma’s tonight?” Taylor asks carefully, ready to spot any signal in the little face that Eleanor doesn’t want to be separated from her mother today. But to her shock, Eleanor seems excited. A bright smile on her face, before lifting up her arms in excitement.
“Yeeees!” she yells, making Joe and her laugh a bit.
“Daddy, can I bring the big doll house? And the horse garage? Do you think Patrick will make popcorn, too? Maybe we can watch Mary Poppins..”
Taylor looks back at Joe, a slight smile on her face over Eleanor’s excitement, but a lot of insecurity in her eyes as well.
“Joe, if you want you can also stay with your family and..”
He just looks back at her. A hand on Eleanor’s back, who seems to fight with fork and knife to cut her loaded pancake, an ironic smirk on her face, almost as if he was asking her with his eyes if she’s being serious.
“You think I’d prefer to spend the day with my mother instead of..”
He doesn’t have to finish the sentence. Taylor smiles quietly, but also feels a weird ache in her chest. It feels toxic and forbidden, but she’s almost heartbroken that Eleanor is as independent as she is. Doesn’t cry anymore at the thought of spending the night away from home. As much as she’s excited for this alone time with Joe, she’s also already missing her little bubbly daughter.
“Alright then. And what are we two gonna do all day today then?” Taylor asks him, lost in her thoughts again whilst watching Eleanor eat in excitement. She reaches for her hot coffee cup and takes another warm sip.
“Well, I might have an idea or two.” he smirks then, and it takes five seconds for Taylor to understand what he means. She just changes her face to a mad one within a split second, places her coffee cup with a mad undertone on the table again. Not in front of her. Taylor’s face speaks for itself. Joe giggles quietly, steals his daughter a raspberry from her plate.
“I’m serious.” Joe laughs, points at her phone. “I have an idea. Open google maps and look for Rye, East Sussex.”
_______________
“Do you really think this is a good idea?”
Joe, who stands in her closet just laughs quietly before folding one of this black jeans. He turns around to look at Taylor, who’s sitting in her bed again. Her head resting against the bedpost, her macbook on her thighs, wrapped in her white bed sheets again whilst she’s still in her pajamas from before.
“We can also stay here and just have sex all day long. I’d be up for that, too.”
It takes a second and Joe feels a pillow in his back, that she has just thrown at him from where she sits. He laughs as he turns around to look at her again, already sees the strict finger on her lips, signaling him to be careful with his choice of words as long as Eleanor is in the same house.
“It looks beautiful, but.. where are we gonna stay? Also, I’m very sure that everything is closed today and..”
“It’s an adventure, Tay.” he says then, sits down in bed next to her for a second. Taylor still anxiously looks into her laptop, is clearly overthinking all of this again.
“When’s the last time we had some time away. Just you and me.” he smiles at her, already reaching for her hand. Taylor can’t help but smile quietly, loves how Joe kisses the back of her hand once while looking at her.
“It’s been ages.” he says, even though this statement doesn’t answer her previous question.
“Let me find a hotel. If I can’t, we’ll drive back home tonight. It’s just an hour outside of London anyways.” he says confidently, looks at Taylor then for final confirmation. She just nods with a grin on her face. Joe squeezes her hand three times. She hates to admit how much she loves his idea. Instead, just rolls her eyes at him.
“You love it.” he mumbles.
“We will see.” she says, gets up from bed and walks past him barefoot.
“You absolutely love my idea, admit it.”
“Well, if we’re stranded on the outskirts of London tonight with no phone and no hotel and no food, I will get back to you about how awesome this idea was.” she says, has already closed the door to the master bathroom.
“You love it.” he replies again, this time with a big smirk on his face.
_______________
With a drink in his hand Joe stands in this pretty darkened bar, laughing once as one of the film crew members tells the story about a weird encounter he had with a Canadian woman in the lift earlier. He didn’t want to join them tonight, really wasn’t in the mood to go out tonight, right before his flight to Nashville tomorrow. His head is full, extremely full these days. His mind is constantly at home with Taylor and the little bean growing in her belly, that will surely turn his life upside down sooner than he thinks. The incomparable amount of responsibility they’re both just learning to grow into. And on top of that, he got this call from Jeffrey today. This call, that Paul Thomas Anderson wants to work with him on an upcoming project in Ireland. The Paul Thomas Anderson. A once in a lifetime project that he had never even dreamed of being considered for. But instead of being ecstatic about this opportunity, it just gives him a tummy ache. Because he thought he knew what the next six months of his life would look like. The long break he’s been planning for a while now. The long break he was looking forward to to finally take care of his own mental state. The long break to clear his head, be with his baby and to learn how to be a parent. Learn how to be the man he wants to be for the two most important women in his life. Taylor didn’t hesitate for a second to tell him that he needs to accept the offer. That he can make it work. That they can make it work. But it doesn’t make him feel any better. Not at all.
Joe takes a last sip from his glass, can already feel Andrew’s stare on him as he places the empty glass on the counter in front of him, grabs his jacket before giving him a look.
“You leaving already?” he asks into Joe’s ear and the blonde man nods. The live band that is playing in this bar makes it a bit hard to speak in a normal sounding voice.
“Yeah, I want to call Taylor before she goes to bed. Check in on her.”
Andrew nods and smiles, his hand now on his shoulder, patting him with the same smile that his dad always gives him when they talk about this topic. This smile, that only a father can understand.
“When’s her due date again?”
“December.” Joe smiles and Andrew does too.
“It’s the biggest change of your life that’s ahead of you, my friend.” the older actor laughs and Joe nods. He’s heard this quite a few times now but no one can really explain to him what this change will look like.
“Any advice for me? I have never in my life changed a nappy before.” Joe mumbles, is ready to be laughed at by his colleague and friend.
“That’s not what this is about. You’ll grow into that.” Andrew interrupts him with a secure look on his face. “Being a father will come naturally to you, but being in a relationship will get different. Being a good partner when you have a child that needs all your attention every hour of the day is the difficult thing.” he says, a bit more serious than before, now sips from his glass and looks at Joe again. He doesn’t like hearing this, because it already feels like he’s being torn apart in all directions. Even though his daughter is not even born yet.
“And what’s your golden advice then, mate?” he says, cheers once more with the older actor. His gaze falls to the live band again. The singer is a young woman in her twenties. Never did he ever think that he would so soon feel this responsibility. The responsibility for a human being. He already loves this person, even though he’s never met her. That’s out of question. But sometimes he wonders how his life will look like in a few years down the road. How many of his own issues will he pass down to this beautiful, perfect little creature growing in Taylor’s belly? How is he supposed to take care of a helpless human-being when he can barely control his own anxiety sometimes?
“There is no advice. I think… some people make it and some don’t. Sounds dark, I know. But you can’t have it all. I think that’s what I learned. You either have a career or you’ll end up with a house full of kids and two to three mediocre roles a year. You know, if you’re lucky and it happens that way then you’ll have a good income and a good life. I mean… it’s not bad. Not at all. But that’s just the reality that nobody tells you about when you become a dad.”
Joe looks at the forty year old man, with disappointment in his eyes. He’s never experienced Andrew as someone who sees his career as non- existent or subordinated to his family. He’s met Lisa before. Taylor and him have had dinner with the couple during the course of Joe shooting this movie together with him. They’re an incredible family. They live out what Taylor and him aspire for their future. A stable relationship, lots of fun, lots of travels and three incredible children. Joe can’t believe Andrew’s little speech. They seemed…. happy? Is that what it will be like for him as well? Happy on the outside and empty on the inside? Like a shell of the things that you should love whilst you lack purpose underneath?
Joe scratches his neck once, then orders another beer.
_______________
Taylor patiently sits in the quiet car, her feet warmed up in her big black inuikii winter boots, her torso wrapped in the big puff jacket and her green beanie covering her head. Joe has made sure to leave the heating on before leaving the car to drop off Eleanor at his parents house. A weird feeling for her to just stay in this car, acting incredibly busy on her phone and not saying hello to his parents.
Taylor knows that she can’t avoid them forever, and she knows that there has to be a point where they talk. Not just about what happened last night but even more so, what happened three years ago. Three years ago when she had to make the hardest decision of her life. Elizabeth knows only one side of the story, and it almost frightens her to be told what that story actually is.
Within two minutes, she can hear his footsteps on the snow next to the big car and feels a slight relief overcome her. She was worried that Elizabeth would want to talk to her right now, or even worse: approach her while she’s sitting in the car on the street. She knows her mother in law well. She’s stubborn, determined and honest. Sometimes a bit too honest. A similarity that she shares with her also.
Joe opens the doors to the black SUV, and Taylor is relieved when he closes the door again. The cold air from outside was disturbing the warmth coming from the heating.
“All good?” Taylor just asks, not sure whether she means her little daughter who was just dropped off by her father or Joe and the chaos of not being on best terms with his family after last night. Joe shares a look with her, nods then. He doesn’t look thrilled but it seems that nothing else was said that would’ve ruined his mood this morning. He quickly starts the car, then unlocks his seatbelt for a second again to take off his winter jacket.
“You should take off your jacket, you’ll be cold when we arrive.” he says with a concerned look and she nods. He’s right. There’s nothing more uncomfortable than leaving the car and freezing because your body temperature has reached around a dozen degree in the past hour. Just as Joe starts driving and shortly after leaves the little lane leading from his parent’s house to the main road, Taylor has managed to take off her jacket without unbuckling her seatbelt and now sits back relaxed on the passenger seat again, taking a deep breath for once.
“Was she sad?” Taylor asks him, turns her head towards Joe who’s busy driving.
“She literally didn’t even look back. I said ‘Bye Eleanor, I will miss you’ and she just ran off and was like…. ‘Ok bye, dad’.” he says and Taylor has to cackle quietly with him.
“Ouch. She is basically a teenager now.” she says, and Joe nods with a sigh. He stops at a red light, then looks to the side to get a good look of the woman next to him. She’s wearing some make up today, her long hair wavy and covered in her beanie that makes her look absolutely adorable. She’s wearing some chapstick on her lips and it only makes her look fresher than these past days. His hand slowly wanders to her face, and with a smirk on his lips he bops her nose just once, making her giggle for a second.
“At least this means we get some alone time.” he says, and Taylor nods. A smile on her face. A small one but it’s still clearly there.
“Did your mom say anything, or…”
Joe’s smile slowly diminishes as the lights turn green and he continues driving. He takes a deep breath, doesn’t really like talking about this topic.
“She wants to talk to you. And to us. I mean she obviously keeps apologising but I told her not this weekend.”
Taylor nods. That’s a fair answer.
“I feel so bad that you’re spending Christmas away from your family. Not really speaking to them.” she mumbles then and it takes less than a second for Joe to interrupt her.
“Stop saying that. I’m spending the day with you. That’s all I want this year. That’s literally all I wanted for the past ten years.” he says with a confidence in his voice that makes her stomach weak. She takes a deep breath and smiles silently, as she already feels his hand reaching for hers right on her lap. He interlocks their fingers and this time his grip is stronger than usually. This means a lot to her. These days together mean a lot to her. It almost feels like a big shift has happened between them. A band that has been blocking them just ripped apart. Everything is on the table. All the ugliness and the hurt and the fears. And they still want each other. For good.
“I can’t remember the last time we took a day trip together without Eleanor. Do you?” she asks, her mood a lot better already. She looks over at him driving and he smiles too at the thought of it.
“I think it was when you were pregnant. And we got into this huge fight about…”
“Oh right.” she interrupts him, doesn’t really need to revisit this weekend once more. He proposed to her, she freaked out and made it clear to him that she’s not ready. A second time she turned him down. Little did she know just how much she would hurt him back then.
“So what are we gonna do today? You basically didn’t let me do any of the planning for the day so… tell me.” she says all excited for their little spontaneous getaway. Her hand still intertwined with his, her eyes on him who is carefully focused on the road. Everything is white on the outside, thanks to the icy snow on the streets. Aside from that, the weather isn’t necessarily great today. A white grey layer of clouds covering the sky. A classic English winter day.
“I booked us a little cabin. No guarantee that this will be nice but it had good reviews.” he says, already laughing apologetically. “And then I’d say we just.. walk around and go for a hike? Explore nature?” Taylor looks at him and presses her face against the backrest of her car seat. She loves this plan. She loves it a lot.
“Sounds great! But can I please make a request?” she mumbles, has raised her voice a little bit like always when she really wants something from him.
“Coffee. Next exit. I got it.” he says, already knew what she wanted from him. Taylor just laughs for once, then starts playing around with the console of his car, until she finds a sound she likes.
“You know me too well.”
“I do.” he just says, a quiet pause in the air. He often feels like he knows her better than himself. A strange but beautiful dynamic he’s never had with any other human being.
“Listen to this.” she smiles, turns up the music a little bit more. The same Kings of Leon song is playing that they both were obsessed with. Back then, when there was no Eleanor. She remembers very well when her obsession with this song started, knows that it must’ve been around Thanksgiving six years ago.
_______________
“The level of unfairness is unbearable. I’m serious.” Taylor just laughs, looks down at her hot chocolate mug in disappointment. Austin and her cousin Spencer cheer to her once more before taking a sip of her aunt’s delicious eggnog brandy. Andrea, who’s sitting on the sofa right next to her just laughs at her daughter, signaling her to at least try the marshmallow infused hot chocolate in her hand. She knows that her daughter is exaggerating, as always, but she still feels for her. It’s a lot of changes at once.
“Honey, next year. If you want I’ll make you one for Easter even.”
Taylor has to laugh at her aunt trying to soothe her, then takes a sip of the Christmas-y drink in her hand. She has to admit, the sweetness paired with the hot and soothing taste of a melted marshmallow is a great replacement for the liquor based drink she would usually have. Usually, around this time of the year, if there wasn’t a little someone taking up space in her belly and eating her food, too.
Scott slowly gets up from the spot he’s been sitting on at the other side of the family living room, has been discussing with Taylor’s uncle how much the value of their property will increase in the next year down here on the outskirts of Nashville. Her face suddenly wanders to the iPhone screen that is lighting up. She sits upright again, then reaches for the phone from the coffee table. All she can see is her wallpaper that is making her smile every time. Joe with a big smile, cuddling Benjamin close to his chest. Her favourite boys.
‘Be there in half an hour’
Taylor smiles confusedly. Didn’t his plane already arrive an hour ago?
“When’s Joe coming? The Turkey is ready.” Alison says, and Taylor looks up at her. She nods. They wanted to start dinner half an hour ago. She knows that Alison is usually the most relaxed person in the world. But when it comes to her Turkey, she’s getting a lot more serious than one would expect. Taylor wants to answer her, suddenly feels a rather uncomfortable kick in her belly. She places her hand on the spot that aches. Seems like the sugar rush from her hot chocolate has not just woken her up, but also the little kicking monster living inside of her.
“Sorry, he just texted me he’s late. I’m not sure why, but…”
“Maybe his flight was delayed?” Andrea interrupts her, and Taylor nods.
“We can start eating already though. I don’t want to make you all wait.”
“Oh, no way! We can wait for him. Why don’t you all sit down at the table and we will have the appetizers first.” Alison says, has already made her way to the kitchen again to adjust the temperature of her oven, not to burn the Turkey. Taylor grabs her phone, opens the chat with Joe again and starts texting.
‘Everything okay? We’ll start eating the first course now’
She hits send, can clearly see that he read her message already. She patiently waits for him to reply, but nothing. After a minute she puts her phone down, quietly smiles at her family that has just sat down around the round dining room table at her aunt’s house. She slowly gets up, the added weight on her feet noticeable every time. With her belly in front of her, Taylor slowly approaches the table. She loves Thanksgiving. Always has. Candles are lighting up the cozy living room. Alison has prepared the table with lots of autumnal style decorations. It has gone dark outside by now, but the fireplace at the end of the living room is lighting up the room in the warmest way possible.
“Why don’t you sit next to me, honey, and then Joe can sit next to you when he comes.” Alison already signals Taylor to take a seat in front of her. She just smiles, slowly sits down on the chair in front of her. After sitting down she checks her phone once more. No reply. Taylor feels irritated. Usually, Joe always texts back within seconds. Weird. She places her phone next to her, taking a sip from the water glass in front of her.
“I’ll get it.” Alison says with a knowing look on her face, slowly gets up to open the door. Taylor notices the stupid smile creeping up on her face. She’s so happy he’s finally here. She was always happy to see him after being separated for a week or more. But now, since her body is going through this new transition, it’s even nicer to know he’s home after a while. Home with her and her family, safe, soon be sitting down next to her around this warm and cozy dinner table.
It takes less than five seconds and Taylor has slowly gotten up as well, notices immediately that it takes her a tiny little bit longer to get up from the table than it usually does. In her leather boots with a low high heel, she slowly makes her way into the hallway, where Alison is already speaking to Joe. With her long, blonde and tonight slightly wavy hair, Taylor can see his suitcase being placed next to the door. She smiles at the sight, watches him pull back from the hug with Alison. Taylor now full on giggling as she approaches him, too. The kicking in her belly is getting a lot stronger. And she knows why. The butterflies arising in her belly from seeing him haven’t remained unnoticed by the little human living inside of her.
“Someone’s happy for you to be here it seems.” Alison smiles at her niece, who is already approaching the tall man with open arms. She hugs him tightly, feels how cold his jacket is from outside. But what she also notices is a weird smell. She closes her eyes though, knows very well that her sense of smell has been completely out of hand since a few weeks now. She closes her eyes for a second. He’s here.Finally.
“Hello, my love.” he whispers into her ear, right over her hair. She smiles still, doesn’t even notice that Alison is still witnessing the whole scenery. Taylor slowly pulls back and takes a good look at his face. He’s tired. There’s something else in his eyes. Taylor slowly kisses his lips, feels his stubble on her chin. But suddenly, there’s a different sensation she experiences. He tastes like alcohol. Is she going crazy now? Still standing as close to him as physically possible, he doesn’t seem to notice her confused face though. He’s way too focused on her belly already.
“Oh my god, she’s grown. Again.” he just says, as excited as he always is after not having seen her for more than a few days. She finds his excitement endearing, as always, just watches him lower himself in front of her and peppering the softest kisses onto her belly right over the striped wool dress she’s wearing. Taylor’s hand naturally lands on his hair. She strokes the soft short hair up and down until he seems to be done with his loving hello to her belly. This time, she’s kind of glad to have noticed Alison leaving the hallway again to give the two some privacy. Just when he stands upright again is when he notices her face. Joe gives her a confused look back, slowly takes off his jacket and hangs it up right next to the door. He looks handsome, absolutely gorgeous as always. His torso covered in the navy blue Burberry jumper she got him the other day.
“What?”
“Did you have a drink on the plane?”
Joe approaches her again, this time a smirk on his face. He doesn’t say anything, just grins at her, then lowers his head to be able to kiss her neck gently. She knows where his mind is going but she’s not having it.
“Why would you say that?” he asks then, pretends to be insulted all of the sudden.
“You smell like a bar.”
“I don’t.” he just laughs, shakes his head. He can see that she doesn’t like it, but he already places his warm hand in her neck, gets closer to kiss her forehead gently. “I had a drink, yes. Haven’t eaten yet.”
Taylor nods. She doesn’t know why it bothers her that he smells like alcohol. Perhaps because he never smells like this after a glass of wine, or perhaps because this is a Thanksgiving dinner and her entire family is patiently waiting in this living room for him. Him. The man who is getting praised by Taylor like no other. The man who got her pregnant. The boyfriend who has a lot of expectations on his shoulders now that they’re expanding their family.
Joe just smiles at her, his thumb stroking her cheek once.
“You look sexy.” he whispers. She just bites her lower lip, then shakes her head and grants him a look that says it all. She’s getting annoyed, even though he’s as handsome as he mostly is.
“Let’s go eat.”
“I read somewhere that the housing prices in Europe are skyrocketing as well. Didn’t you say that Joe’s family bought a property in Spain last year, Taylor?” Scott asks, was fully deepened into the conversation with Spencer as Taylor just quietly nods. She feels tense. Sitting there at the family table. She can see Joe sipping on his second glass of wine now. He slowly places the glass next to him again, is now trying to eat the baby carrot on his plate with his fork. But instead of pricking into the vegetable, he pricks into the plate. A creaking sound filling the dinner table. She feels embarrassed. Slowly leans back in her chair and takes a look at him. He’s drunk. To say the least. He’s absolutely wasted. Taylor doesn’t dare to look into her mother’s face who is clearly noticing Joe’s behaviour as well.
“Yes, my parents have bought a house in the Málaga region. It’s lovely, but… very expensive.” he says then, trying his best to sound sober. She notices that immediately. His mouth full while speaking. Taylor cannot believe it. She has never witnessed him like this.
“Oh, Málaga is gorgeous I heard.” Alison now says, pretends like Joe is acting normal. Like everyone around this table who doesn’t want to cause a scene or make Taylor uncomfortable. She has no idea why he got drunk on a plane by himself. He likes to drink, yes, has always been a wine lover. But he’s never lost control of himself, has never been careless enough to get this drunk before flying in for a family holiday.
Taylor feels relieved as everyone around the table emerges into another conversation that, this time, doesn’t involve her drunk boyfriend. He slowly turns around to her, grants her a smile with his eyes half closed. His left hand around the back of her chair whilst his other hand is now wandering to her belly. He just smiles at her, seems to be the only one around this table who doesn’t notice how drunk he is. While drawing circles on her belly with his hand, he kisses her temple gently. Taylor can see her mother watching them in the corner of her eye. The amount of explaining she will have to do after this dinner, already makes her mad.
“You look so beautiful.” he says then, obviously intended to whisper this statement into her ear but instead has said it in his normal voice. So loudly, that the entire table is looking at the couple now. Nobody around this table is unaware of the fact that he is intoxicated. Nobody except for Joe himself.
“Do you want some water?” she just replies quietly. She knows that causing a scene now will only embarrass her even more. But Joe looks at her confusedly now, his hand still on her thigh.
“No, why? I’m good.”
Taylor doesn’t say anything, just crosses her arms over her belly and looks away, acting as if she’s part-taking in the conversation around the table again. She can’t dare look at him. She can’t believe he’s acting like this in front of her family. On Thanksgiving. Whilst she is pregnant with his child.
“Okay, who wants dessert?” Alison now smiles into the round, finds Austin, Spencer and Taylor’s youngest cousin Kelly cheering on her aunt. She slowly gets up, just like Andrea does to start cleaning up the table by collecting the plates from main course. To her confusion, Taylor suddenly notices how Joe begins to get up as well, struggles a bit to stable the plates over each other. Obviously.
“Let me help you, Alison.” he says in a thick accent. His English accent always getting especially thick when he’s had a few drinks. Taylor can’t believe it.
“Oh no, don’t worry, Joe. I got it.”
Taylor signals him to sit back down again. He can feel how mad she is, the way she grabs his arm a bit more harsh than per usual.
“What?” he asks then, his head turned to her again. And Taylor sincerely hopes that her cousins are too focused on their conversation to notice this interaction between her and the man by her side. She just looks into his eyes, long and deep and Joe doesn’t say anything further. It hurts. The disappointment in her eyes. The anger. The same damn look he gives himself most days, actually. But seeing it in her eyes hurts him even more. He doesn’t say anything further, just reaches for this glass of wine and takes another sip. He knows he’s a burden. A mess. Not ready for any of this.
_______________
“Okay, that was officially the worst idea I’ve had in a while.”
Taylor can’t help but laugh at him. He’s grumpy. He hates this. She can see it in his eyebrows, and the familiar look in his face.
“No this is beautiful! Look!” she squirms, her demeanor the complete opposite of him. Joe can’t help but smile at the woman in front of him now, who’s standing in the middle of the road. Both hands in the air, obviously loving this moment while dancing in a circle. They’re both walking down Mermaid Street, a tiny old lane that leads through the village centre of Rye. The snow that has stopped falling from the sky a few hours ago has now come back. And not just slightly. It’s falling down heavily. Massive amounts of snowflakes in his face that turn into water quickly. Thank god they’re both wearing winter boots and the thickest jackets they’ve got. Joe looks into her happy face. Her nose is slightly red but she seems fulfilled, closing her eyes once at the sensation of snowflakes on her face. He can’t believe she loves snow this much. Her excitement for these things is still as strong as it was a decade ago when he met her.
“It’s beautiful until the snow’s in your boots. And your jacket.”
“You’re a grumpy old man, you know that?”
He can’t help but laugh at her. She’s not wrong. Instead, she waits for him to catch up with her and happily reaches for his hand. Both of their gloves touching. She likes this. She likes being covered from head to toe while walking through this empty, almost lonely village far away from busy London. These old brick houses make everything even more cozy. And she likes this thought of no one here really caring about them. She likes the thought that she has the whole day ahead with him here. Just Joe and her. With nothing to do on a snowy winter day.
“Let’s go back home.” he says then. She has to giggle again and looks at him. His beard is covered in snow. He really doesn’t look too happy.
“Oh come on, let us enjoy this winter day for a bit longer. We have the entire day left to take a hot bath and fuck in this old cabin.”
He just looks at her speechless for a second. A smirk on his face. She has no filter sometimes.
“Well…The Great Poet Taylor Swift has spoken.”
Taylor giggles again, gets a bit closer to him while walking down the road through the snow. She gushes at him, smiles warmly as she hugs his arm. But instead, Joe slowly lets go off her to be able to place his arm properly around her. She appreciates his gesture. She appreciates it a lot.
“Where are we going by the way?” she mumbles after a while, the snow that falls onto her not really getting less. She is really focused on the ground underneath her now, a bit worried that she might slip and fall as a lot of ice has built up on the old cobble stone street.
“I originally wanted to show you the famous Rye Castle. But.. I’m thinking maybe the pub it is?” he suddenly stops walking and points to the pub at the corner right next to them. As much as Taylor loves to visits national monuments from the thirteenth century - the warm light radiating from this pub looks a lot more like what she needs in this moment. A dry and warm place to recover from the snow. A good drink. Getting rid of her beanie that is fully covered in snow by now.
“Do you think people would..”
Joe slowly looks down at her. He’s not surprised that she’s hesitant.
“It’s Christmas Day. I would be surprised if anyone is even in there.”
Taylor nods. She signals him that they should just take a peak inside. Within fifteen seconds, Joe has opened the door to the old pub and the warmth in Taylor’s face makes her smile instantly. The entire place is being heated up by the fire place at the end of the establishment. Old paintings from what seems to the the thirteenth century are gracing the walls. The wooden floor creaking under her as Joe takes a look around. Jackpot. No other guests seem to be here today.
Taylor smiles happily, as the waiter already signals them to choose any seat they want before wishing them a Merry Christmas. Joe gives her one last look, then already makes his way to the very back of the old pub. Right until they arrive in front of the fireplace, where a dark green couch is placed facing it sideways. A little coffee table in front of them. Heaven.
“Oh my god, this is so nice.” Taylor just says happily, starts to take off her beanie, scarf and winter jacket just like Joe does. Within a few seconds, both winter jackets have been placed at the end of the couch by Joe, and Taylor has already sat down on the couch, her hands facing the fire. As Joe slowly sits down next to her, he has to laugh quietly. Her cheeks are red, her bangs a bit wet from the snow. But her hands seem to have been freezing the most. In slight pain, Taylor is trying to warm them up by holding them close to the warm air coming from the fireplace.
“Cold hands?”
She nods, as Joe already reaches for them, holds both small hands in his to warm these. He looks at her with gentle eyes, leans down to kiss her hands once that he warms so gently.
“Thanks. That’s better.” she whispers. Just in that moment, the waiter approaches them, already places two menus on the coffee table in front of the pair. After a few seconds, Joe places one last kiss on the now lukewarm hands of the blonde woman and reaches for the menu to pass it to her.
“Are you hungry?”
Taylor nods, already studies the menu card in her hands.
“I think I need a hot chocolate and a snack. Should we share some fries?”
“Sharing as in you eat two thirds of it?”
She looks at him, has to laugh already. He remembers how bad she is at sharing her food. And it hasn’t changed in the past years. It really hasn’t.
“You’re mean.” she says amusedly, still studying the food menu on her lap. “Oh my god they have scones with clotted cream and jam.” she says then, her excitement hard to be contained.
“What about we order fries and the scones?”
Joe looks up from the menu a second time today. She knows this look too well. He looks both disgusted and surprised.
“Are you pregnant again? Or should I be concerned?”
Taylor already giggles, closes the menu in her hand and places it in front of her. She’s made a decision.
“Remember the peanut butter sandwiches?”
Joe can’t help but laugh with her. How could he forget? Back when Taylor was pregnant with Eleanor he spent his days making her peanut butter sandwiches. Because for whatever reason, wheat bread (wheat toast with seeds specifically) and creamy peanut butter were the only nutrients she could keep down. So he ended up making her peanut butter toasts for when she woke up and her stomach was empty or when she had work commitments and had to leave the house for more than an hour. He’s literally spent the Vanity Fair Oscar Party with a peanut butter toast wrapped in plastic wrap in the pocket of his Gucci jacket. Simply because Taylor’s handbag was already packed with another peanut butter sandwich. And running on an empty stomach for her meant that she would end up hovering over the toilet. Something they both worked towards avoiding for months.
“I think I never had peanut butter ever again after Eleanor was born.”
Taylor laughs and nods. She looks back into Joe’s face again. His mind just went down memory lane. And so did hers.
“I really like thinking back to this time. Even though I know that it wasn’t easy.” she says then, has gotten a bit more quiet now. Joe looks surprised. He nods slowly, appreciates her words and the gentle smile on her face.
“I didn’t make it easy for you, did I?” he says then, has gotten a lot more quieter than before. He suddenly acts like he’s studying the menu, but she knows he’s not. All he does is trying to avoid her eyes in this moment. Taylor just almost starts laughing, a slight rush of air escaping her mouth. But suddenly, she realizes that he’s being serious. She cannot believe it. This is not what she meant when she said that it wasn’t an easy time. It certainly is not.
“What is that supposed to mean?” she asks him, her face fully focused on his. He doesn’t really react, slowly closes the menu though and places the paper in front of him on the coffee table again. He knows he will eventually have to look at her again, swallows once and simply does it.
“I think, I.. I was never… if it wasn’t for you, I never would’ve…”
He feels her cold hand on his. A firm grip, stopping him from further talking.
“Just… I know you were struggling at the time. But you really never ever made me feel like you didn’t want me. Or her. And.. you really worked on yourself back then. I know you did. And I know you did it cause you loved me. And her. And that always meant a lot to me.” she says, her voice strong and still emotional because his face makes her emotional. He looks apologetic. Apologetic for something she doesn’t agree with. Joe has made mistakes, yes. But that is not how she remembers this time. All she remembers from back then is that feeling of having a family, that she has never had before. That feeling of belonging she has never experienced in her life before. Waking up with flutters and butterflies in her stomach. Feeling more loved by him than ever before. This feeling of forever in her bones. A gentle breeze of unconditional support he brought into her life, day by day, minute by minute. That’s how she remembers this time.
She now feels his hand on hers, his thumb drawing circles over her hand. He looks at her, his eyes so appreciative of her words. She just shakes her head. Unbelievable how much she loves this man in front of her.
Joe takes a deep breath, smiles at her, then looks down at their intertwined hands for a minute. Her words mean a lot. More than a lot. He’s made so many mistakes. So many mistakes yet this incredible person still sits there, right next to him, looking at him as if he puts the stars into the sky. Continuing to decide to just see the good in him. Even in the person he was back then. A mess. An absolute mess.
“Thanks for loving me, back then.” he says, looks up at her and smiles gently. He’s opening up. And it brings her goosebumps.
“Thanks for never giving up on me. You really made me a better person, Tay. Even more so after leaving me. Back then. You.. you’re the reason I am who I am. If you hadn’t left me, I..” he stops, and Taylor feels nervous. The creaking of the fireplace audible in her ears.
“I grew up. Thanks to you. Everything you did, made me grow. So.. thank you.”
She looks at him, a slight smile creeping up on her face. She never expected this man to say these words to her. She never expected him to reach this newfound level of self-reflection, wisdom and confidence he has now. She’s proud of him. Proud of the twenty-five year old boy she fell in love with back then, and proud of the thirty-six year old father he is today. She has loved every ounce of him in between then and now. She didn’t know him twenty years ago, but she loves who he was back then. And she will love who he is twenty years from now. She already does. An older version of Joe. With a few more dimples in his face and the same lack of hair as his father. There’s love in between those lines, even where there was hurt once.
_______________
“Let me do that.” he says, has stood up from the side of the bed already. He doesn’t like seeing her carry her heavy suitcase from the floor onto the little side table at the end of the guest room. With her belly in front of her, she just drops the bag, a loud noise erupting as she lets the bag fall down again. Joe just stands there right next to her, a little out of place, struggling to remain upright, just watches her ignore him. She’s reaching for her pajamas and the little flower-patterned toiletry bag. Her nails painted in different colours. It pains him to feel once more how much he loves these little things.
“I know I’ve had a bit too much…”
“A bit? Interesting, Joe.” she interrupts him, still not looking at him. Joe sighs. His head is turning. He knows she’s mad. And he’s sorry. He’s sorry for making her mad. He’s sorry for being this version of himself. He would do anything to shove it away, store it under the bed and lock it in a box forever. But he can’t. This is the reality. This is how weak he really is. This baby would be screwed without her, that’s for sure. He wonders sometimes where this guy went. The guy that she fell in love with back then. The guy who was funny and kind and heroic and always broke. He must have gotten lost somewhere. Somewhere between movie sets and airplanes and time zones and camera flashes. And palm trees and properties. Playing high and playing fast. Being good, better, the best.
Joe just stops following her from where he’s standing, watches her disappear in the bathroom. She closes the door, a bit louder than per usual. Joe doesn’t say anything, just lets himself fall onto his side of the bed. With one grip, he pulls off his right shoe, just sits there in trance for another minute before taking off his left one as well. He knows it got out of hand. He knows he drank too much. The room is spinning. He’s angry. At himself. More than anything. He just sits there, his shoe still in his hand, quietly hearing the water in the bathroom running. She must be washing her face before going to bed. Joe swallows, doesn’t move. He just takes a good look at his shoe, remembers her face from before. All he can see is her face from before. The sheer disappointment mixed with shock and fear in the eyes of the person he values the most. He loves everything about her. Her bravery, her sharp mind, her kindness, her smile. Not an inch about her he would deserve. Joe feels a first tear building up in his eyes. One day, she will go. And everything will loose its meaning. Everything. Within a split seconds, the anger in him spills over. He aggressively takes the shoe, throws it at the end of the room, almost pushing over the chair that was next to the table at the end of the room. Suddenly he spies with his eyes that she had left the bathroom already. Just stands there in shock between the bathroom door and him. Her eyes following the shoe he just threw aggressively across the room. He can’t dare look into her face again, cannot take seeing these disappointed eyes for another second.
“Are you out of your mind?” she just says, this time a bit louder than before. Joe looks at her. She has changed into her pajamas already, her open hair hanging over her naked shoulders. Her make up free face as beautiful as ever and the big belly almost making her more attractive than ever before. He swallows. Fear is building up in her face. Fear and anger. He hates himself for this.
“I guess I am.” he says then, his voice almost fully gone. Taylor just stands there, feels as if her throat has stopped providing her with air. She wants to cry, because she doesn’t know who this person is. She knows he struggles. She knows his anxiety becomes unbearable sometimes, and it makes him shut down. But she’s never experienced him like this. Neglecting. Drunk. Aggressive. Cold.
“Is this how you want to be from now on? Getting fucked up alone on an airplane and throwing your shoes at me?”
Joe doesn’t say anything, his hand wandering to his eyes. He’s tired. He’s so so tired, and the floor under him is still moving. He swallows again, the sight of her bare feet and legs standing in front of him still visible in the corner of his eye. She just sighs angrily, then storms off into the bathroom again. He still covers his face in his hands. Why is this sweater so warm. So tight. Almost making it hard for him to breathe.
“You know what? You can sleep by yourself tonight. I’m not getting into bed with this person. And yes, I’m saying ‘this person’ because I have no idea who the fuck you are. Do you know how I feel right now?” she says, has just gotten her phone from the bathroom and now stands in front of him again, almost begging him to wake up from this state and become the man again who she knows so well. He can hear her voice changing. And every second passing by hurts him more and more and more.
“Disappointed.” he answers her, and she can’t even react out of shock. She is worried about him. Seriously, worried. In the past five years, she has never witnessed him like this. Not for a single second.
“I love you, Joe. But I don’t like you right now.”
He doesn’t say anything for a second, then dares to look at her once more.
“I don’t like myself either. So let’s call it even.”
Taylor just stands there, barefoot, her pajama shorts covering her long legs. Both arms crossed anxiously right over her belly. She just looks at him, desperately trying to find an answer in his face but she doesn’t. Maybe this is what everyone always warned her about. Maybe this is what ‘for better and for worse’ really means. Overcoming all the hurt and all the anger inside of her chest, she slowly lets both her arms fall out of the strong and anxious grip from before. She takes a deep breath, then takes one step closer to him. He doesn’t move, just sits there on the side of the bed, staring into white wall behind her. She slowly sits down next to him, just looks at him. Doesn’t say anything. Her belly a bit in the way, as always. She sits there in silence with him. And she can feel the pain radiating from him as her hand touches his shoulder.
“Talk to me.” she whispers. She’s not sure he’s heard her. She’s not even sure herself if she really got these words out of her mouth. It takes a lot in her, to let him treat her this way, and still take one step towards him. But this is what love is. This is what she swore herself back then, when this incredible man got into her life and saved her from destroying herself. She swore herself back then that she would do the same for him. Swore herself that she would love him no matter what. No matter how much darkness they would both have to surpass together.
“I want you to talk to me.” she says again, this time a bit louder, just to make sure he hears her properly. Just looking at his side profile brings her pain already. Because she feels how much pain he is in right now.
“Joe.” she says again, this time her left hand landing on his cheek and making him look at her. Just when she has managed to turn his face to hers, she doesn’t just notice the drunk eyes. She also notices the hot tear running down his cheek as his blue eyes look at her. She swallows.
“I’m not the guy I used to be.” he confesses in a shaking voice. “And you deserve someone who’s not a walking question mark or.. just a shell of a person.” he whispers. His breath filled with tears. His throat tightened. He’s crying, drunk crying and still trying to hide it from her. She swallows. Her hand is not moving away from his cheek. Not even an inch.
“Stop this..”
“I don’t know anymore who I am or what I want and I don’t think I can be a good father for her or a partner for you. That’s the truth.”
“Do you want me?” she asks him then, her face as close to his as humanly possible. Her nose almost touches his, and his hot tears on her hand make her skin break into goosebumps. This is the lowest she’s ever witnessed him. Ever.
“Taylor..”
“You said you don’t know anymore what you want. So I’m asking you, do you want me?”
He swallows, dares to look into her eyes. He nods. The only thing he is certain about is his feelings for her. She knew what his answer would be. There’s no anxiety in her face.
“Then let’s make sure we remind you again who you are.”
“We?”
She nods. Her forehead slowly touching his. He doesn’t know where she’s going with this but the certainty in her grip around his face makes him understand.
“You loved me when I didn’t love myself. And I love you, Joe. I love you so much. And so does your baby. You’re.. you’re always enough for me. Always. We’re three now. And you don’t need to be this idea of perfect that you have in your head. To me, you have always been perfect. Every version of you.” she whispers against his face, both her eyes closed. Just like his. He’s crying. He’s hurt her deeply yet she decides to see the good in him. She suddenly feels his chest heaving up and down. She can’t believe it. It takes less than a few seconds and he breaks down, his face pressed into her neck. He’s bawling. His big hands holding onto the fabric of her pajamas. She’s glad he’s finally allowing himself to feel what he’s feeling. She’s glad he’s opening up to her. It takes a few minutes in her arms to calm down. For his chest to move slower, and his breath to get more steady again. He feels her small hands in the back of his neck, stroking the ends of his blonde hair gently. All he feels is love and understanding. After a while, he slowly lets go off her, both her hands already in his face again, wiping away the tears from his cheeks. He knows his eyes are puffy and swollen. His worst self, sitting right in front of her.
“We will get through this together. I promise, it won’t always feel this way. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about.” she says then, and Joe once more doesn’t know how he would ever deserve her in this moment. He nods. He nods because she means what she says.
“I love you.” he suddenly breathes against her, with a shaky breath and a sunken head. “And I’m so.. I’m so..” he doesn’t need to finish his sentence to make her feel just how sorry he is. She knows. She knows in the way he sits there, almost can’t take her gentle hands stroking his hair. He feels embarrassed and ashamed for how he behaved. He feels ashamed and embarrassed for not showing her his best version today. For disappointing her when she needs him the most.
“I know.” she says then, moves her thumb on his cheek once to make him look at her again. His eyes are still empty and full of pain, but the shame is too prominent for her to take. She slowly gets closer to him again, kisses him for a second. She then lets go off him and kisses him again. Just quickly. Just quick enough to make him understand that she’s okay. She understands now why he acted this way. She forgives him. She has been where he is.
“My parents do think you’re a drunk now, though. So you’ll have a lot of explaining to do.” she says then, tries to make him break a smile but fails. He just nods. he nods again and again. Not knowing if he will ever be able to fix this. Himself. Their relationship. The fact that he wasn’t who she needed this time.
“You..” he stops. He can’t find the right words. His chin is trembling again. Her hand lands in his neck. She kisses his forehead once. He doesn’t need to speak, doesn’t need to explain himself. She knows what he wants to say.
“I have something for you.” she suddenly says, and he looks at her confusedly. “I mean, it’s not like you deserve a present after this evening, but I got you something.” she says, wiping away his tears one more time before she slowly gets up and walks to her suitcase at the end of the room.
_______________
“Baby, if we want to buy some stuff for dinner we have to…” she stops for a second, even though Joe has pulled back already. He just looks at her, his skin still a bit damp from before, his hand still on her naked hips. He waits for her to say something else, but she gives in again. He grins, giggles quietly and steals her another kiss before gently pounds back into her again. She moans quietly, then louder, more and more desperate, definitely sweating by now. The fireplace in this cabin is burning since hours. She should’ve asked him to dim it a bit before they got lost with each other in this bed.
The romantic Christmas Day hike in this gorgeous tiny little village ended after a good hour and a half. They just couldn’t keep their hands off each other. Their sexual tension has always been there, but it’s almost like an old flame slowly turned into a wildfire. And Taylor wouldn’t complain. She couldn’t complain. It’s been years since she’s had sex like this. Emotional sex, good sex, giving, receiving and mind-blowingly addictive.
Joe pounds slowly into her, watches her bite her lower lip at the sensation of him inside of her. Her eyes on his, a thousand thoughts on her mind. He wants to know every single one. He wants to be able to read every dirty thought she has in this moment, wants to push her over the edge and make her feel things she’s never felt before. Taylor slowly lets herself fall back into the pillow, closes her eyes in satisfaction while rolling her head back. After a few moments she looks back into his face, and it does things to him.
“Let me.. let me be on top, please, baby.” she mumbles then, breathing heavily and Joe slowly pulls out of her before laying down next to her again. He’s breathing heavily as well, his blonde hair in all directions with this one strain of hair falling into his face. She loves this version of him. It makes her knees go weak in an instant.
“By the way, this cabin turned into a sauna.” she says, making him laugh for a second. He watches her adjust herself on top of him. His hands on her upper torso. He loves feeling the dampness radiating from her skin. He loves how bothered she is, her mascara on her cheek, her eyes full of lust and love for him.
“I like it actually.” he murmurs in a thick accent, appreciates that she lowers herself to be able to kiss him. The ends of her blonde hair tickling his neck. She tastes so good. He could get lost in her taste.
“I like it when you taste sweaty.” he adds, making the woman on top of him giggle into the kiss.
“You’re making it weird.”
He laughs again, but holds his breath after a split second as she begins her movements on top of him. He knew from the very first moment why she wants to be on top again. It’s always been her thing. Whenever she’s close to finishing, she needs to be in control of the friction between them. It’s one of these things she’s never spoken about. But he’s spent years of loving her. Years of satisfying her in any way he can. He smiles up at her from the pillow where his head rests, can feel her place her hands on top of his chest. He appreciates her riding him the way she does. Slow, but intensive. Her mouth escaping profanities.
“God fucking Jesus christ, fuck me.” she mouths then, and he can’t help but breath out some air, laughing slightly.
“Don’t. Not on Christmas. Not Jesus. You’ll go to hell.” he mouths, and she wants to laugh at his comment, but she can’t. He feels too good. She moans slowly, suddenly feels both his hands gently massaging her inner thighs. His thumbs drawing circles back and forth. Back and forth. He knows exactly what to do to get her to finish.
“Fuck, you feel so good.” she moans again, her hips gracefully moving on his lap. She’s about to loose herself on him, and Joe himself feels his lower region getting tighter and tighter as well. After a few seconds she leans closer to him, exhaustedly places her hands next to his pillow while continuing to ride him. He loves to feel her hair on his face, loves to feel the air escaping her mouth on his face. She looks so beautiful and sexy. Just looking at her like this would easily get him to finish. With closed eyes, she suddenly reaches for his left hand, places it on her full boob. She’s close. Oh, she’s so close.
“You’re gonna come for me, baby?” he breathes heavily, half breathing, half whispering with one hand on her boob and the other one guiding her hips on his. Words have always been her thing. He knows how it always pushes her over the edge to dirty talk with him, especially when she’s clearly in the mood, just like she was today. She’s been giving him this look all day today, has not even missed a single chance to brush over his bum or touch him in any way. Taylor nods, eyes still closed, her hand now securely over his on her bare breast. She doesn’t want him to let go. And she’s close. Oh so close.
“I’m gonna come.” she breathes again, struggles to form a full sentence and with eyes still closed until he feels her clutch around him. All of the sudden, she’s not able to keep her steady movements up from before. But he does the job for her, moves his hips up and down to keep the friction up. She moans loudly, almost screams down this room. Her hand around his hand, that is tightly squeezing her left boob. She lowers her head in her desperate cries, a little satisfied frown in her face until her lips finally find his. With parted lips, Joe kisses her, his tongue slowly meeting hers. He feels a moist sensation in his lower region, which increases the friction between them even more. His right hand moves onto her bare ass, then wanders slowly over her naked torso. He loves feeling her naked and damp body so close. He loves how she looses herself on him, knows damn well that he can barely contain himself at this point. Her lips still parted, she moans into the kiss, seems to be too lost in her own lust to notice him biting her lower lip gently. And it takes less than five seconds until he feels himself exploding in her. His hand on her boob clutching together as hard as hers, just a few moments ago. With closed eyes, he moans once, his right hand now in her hair. She knows exactly what to do to finish him off in the most satisfying way. Her eyes still closed, she continues riding him slowly a few times. So long, and so slow until she collapses on his body. She feels his exhausted breathing, and so does he. That’s when he can already hear her giggling into his neck. The mess he’s just made slowly dripping out of her. He starts to smile, his hand now securely on her head, caressing her hair up and down while they both try to come back down to earth again. Two hearts that beat extra fast and the heat of their bodies radiating from them.
“Fuck, that was…” she stops, her legs feel to weak to move properly. “That was the best holiday fuck. Ever.” she finishes her sentence, making him laugh quietly. He feels the exhaustion as much as her, notices only now how sweaty they both really are.
“We should do this every Christmas from now on. A sex holiday. With no kids or family. Just sex. Lots of sex.”
He laughs again, before it gets more quiet again. They have both just pushed each other to their limits. The best exhaustion in the air. He closes his eyes for a second, loves that he is able to notice how her breathing slows down. Nothing but the creaking of the fireplace in his ears. He can feel Taylor move then. She slowly lifts her head up from his shoulder and looks at him for the first time since she finished. Her bangs are sticky on her forehead and she’s got this healthy flush on her face while he’s still physically inside of her. A sense of intimacy in the air that gives him goosebumps. He never wants to share these moments with anyone else ever again. Intimacy is for him and Taylor. He could never ever be that close to someone else. And frankly, has he ever truly been before?
“I love this. Every bit of this.” he smiles into her face and she does the same, gets closer to him, tickles his nose with hers for a second before giving his lips a gentle kiss.
“My sex god.”
He can’t help but laugh again. She’s the master in being an absolute weirdo after intimate moments like these. His hand now brushing her bangs from her forehead. She’s hot. He can feel that. The sweat in her face being the most attractive thing he’s ever witnessed. He continues smiling at her from where he’s laying, the satisfied smile on his face more evident than anything ever before.
“Want me to turn down the fireplace a bit?” he says, as she breathes out exhaustedly. She really is hot, and he wants her to be comfortable after all. Taylor just nods, appreciates the offer. But what she doesn’t like is the fact that she now has to roll down from his body again, to let him leave the bed for a second. She steals him one last sloppy kiss, then slowly pushes herself out of him. As she hovers over him, she looks down on herself, and then back up at him in shock. He’s already smirking.
“Did you notice that I became a fountain when I…”
“I did. Trust me.”
She grins, knows exactly that she would be extremely embarrassed if this was anyone else but Joe. But with him, it’s just different. He has seen her give birth. He has seen her body in sickness, in health and everything in between. There’s nothing she could physically do to make him not find her attractive anymore. That’s the type of confidence she definitely has when it comes to him. She slowly lets herself fall onto the damp sheets, watches him leave the bed to walk closer to the fireplace in the living room of this old cabin. Thank god, they have pulled the curtains back before engaging in these activities in the last hour. Taylor just lays there, on top of the bedsheets, naked, admiring the naked man in front of her who is busy working on the fireplace. His most intimate parts dangling nakedly between his legs. She has to grin. Why is she able to have the most animalistic sex ever, and then turn into a little kid five seconds later who has to smirk about genitals?
“What time is it?” she asks from bed then, hasn’t moved her head a bit yet. She’s exhausted. Her body feels satisfied but deeply exhausted. She could pass out and fall asleep right here if she wanted to. But the blonde, naked man just walks back towards her.
“Late. Very late. I think shops might be closed already.”
She sighs. Of course their mindless afternoon fuck would have it’s consequences. No dinner. On Christmas Day.
“Don’t worry, I’ll get you fed. A nice McDonald’s dinner by the motorway perhaps? We can also get it as take out and turn this cabin into a candle light dinner to make it more festive.”
She can’t help but giggle at him, as he’s already crawled back into bed with her. As naked as he was before, Joe slowly hovers over her, then leans in to kiss her gently as he can already feel her hug him like a panda. It’s hard to put into words how happy he is. It’s hard to put into words what it’s like living in a day dream. What it’s like to realize that things can go right sometimes. What it’s like to realize that she was always right. It was always him.
“Merry Christmas, my sweet love.” she whispers against his lips and Joe smiles at her cheesiness. She would never say things like this. Unless it’s in bed. In the middle of the night and she feels close enough to him to open up and be as soft as she really is. “A year ago, I never thought this would ever happen to be honest.” she adds whispering. Her small fingers already stroking his beard up and down.
Joe swallows, then takes a deep breath. He’s still on top of her naked but warm body. He nods slowly, looks deeply into her eyes before stealing her nose a gentle kiss. He knows it’s time for this. He knows there’s nothing in between them anymore.
“Did you.. did you mean what you said last night?”
Taylor still looks directly into his blue eyes while laying underneath him on the white pillow of this old bed. He’s fully ready and prepared to find her freaking out now, but the opposite is happening. He did not expect that. She just nods gently, still stroking his cheek. Her eyes looking into his. He feels as if they’re one right now. Has never felt closer to her ever before.
“I did. Yeah.”
“So you.. you want to get married?”
Taylor takes a deep breath, her hand still caressing him. He doesn’t know if he’s tripping, but he feels as if her hand on his skin is shaky all of the sudden. She swallows for once, Joe’s hand has already wandered to her face. He strokes her cheek gently. She’s nervous. He didn’t want to cause this discomfort.
“That was a bit direct, I didn’t…”
“No, it’s.. it’s fine. I…”
She’s looking for words. It’s the first time she’s ever done that. Her. The most communicative and lyrically skilled person on this planet.
“I feel like.. I feel like life gave us a taste of.. what could have been, you know?”
“What do you mean?” he asks quietly, still stroking the soft skin in her face. He can’t really follow her words, doesn’t properly understand what she’s trying to tell him with this.
“If we.. if we would not work out. There was.. there was Naomi and.. and Robert, and.. we were okay, right?”
He suddenly understands. He nods. Just the thought of the past years hurts him physically. Especially now that he’s laying in her arms. In this warmth. Her breath on his. Her hand on his bare chest.
“We were okay, yeah.”
Taylor takes a pause, then tries to form words again that, for the first time, don’t seem to come naturally to her.
“I used to think I couldn’t live without you. Turns out I can. But.. I just feel like, it’s not worth it.”
He smiles. She put it very well. Life without each other is not worth it, not really. Not being together was not the solution.
“That’s why.. I’m not saying that we have to get married tomorrow but… I just have these dreams of our lives. I still have them, Joe. Just like back then.” she says, almost apologetic for the fact that she feels herself getting emotional while she lays here on this pillow, under him, and as naked as can be. A small tears escapes her eye, slowly dripping over the side of her face and getting caught up in her blonde hair. He doesn’t know if this is the aftermath of her watering eyes during sex or if this is her love for him. Her love for him that has boiled up on her chest and overwhelmed her slowly. Joe gets closer to her. His nose touching hers. He wants to kiss her once, but it wouldn’t do justice to what actually needs to be done.
“I.. I have to show you something.” he suddenly whispers against her lips. He looks serious, all of the sudden. Serious but assured. Confident almost. A bit confused over the fact that he just left the bed, just ended this intimate moment so abruptly, Taylor looks after him. She then sits up a little bit as she finds him walk back to her. The white sheets covering her torso, her hair still damp on her face. Joe slowly sits down in front of her again, this time with something in his hand.
She holds her breath.
He sits there, naked, a black little box in his hand.
She just looks at him, but there’s no nervousness in his eyes. The calmest calm she’s witnessed in his face. She doesn’t speak, doesn’t move, just watches him open the box. In front of her, the most beautiful vintage diamond ring. No opal shape, no special embellishments. Just a round, gorgeous diamond ring that sparkles brightly. She looks at the ring, then at him. He still doesn’t speak. He just takes out the ring of the box.
“I.. I have this ring since.. since November four years ago.”
She swallows again. She doesn’t know what to say.
“You.. you gave me this vintage watch when.. before Eleanor was born. And.. it had Three Musketeers engraved on the inside. Right after the most horrible Thanksgiving dinner of your life. And.. I’ll never forget this moment because it meant the world to me. Because I.. I was lost. I was lost in myself and my life, but.. you and Eleanor.” he stops then, takes an emotional and lets out a good breath of air because he’s still amazed by this feeling when talking about it.
“You and Eleanor made me feel this… this purpose. Like.. I am something. I am someone. You really taught me how to love, Tay. Both of you. And with every day passing by, you...” Joe stops, scratches his beard. He’s getting emotional. His eyes still on the ring in his hands. Suddenly, his words are gone. Because words can’t do justice for what he feels right now.
“I got you this ring a week before.. before you…” he stops again, his voice almost breaking. He can’t dare to look into her face again. Instead, his gaze is fully focused on the ring in his hands.
“I wanted you to know that I was still holding onto who we were before Eleanor was in your belly. Who I wanted to be for you and her. I was never perfect, and I’m still not perfect. But I wanted to be better for you. Not just for you, but for me. And…” he stops again, cannot stop looking at the diamond in his hand. It’s not just a ring. It’s as fundamental as the love he carried around with himself for the past four years.
“I want to grow old with you. And I want our children to grow up with us. And I want you to be my wife. And I.. I promise, this time I will be your partner. Your husband, if you want that.”
Taylor just sits there, tears streaming down her face. He only notices the smile under her tears once he stopped speaking. She doesn’t move, just reaches for his hand. She’s shaking, her hand sweatier than ever. She holds his hand for a bit, looks into his eyes, then takes the ring from his hand and takes a good look.
“You already are my partner, Joe.” she says crying, swallows once, then looks back up at him and smiles.
“But I would like you to be my husband, too. I really would like that a lot.”
#Christmasbound#fanfiction#fanfic#taylor swift fanfiction#joe and taylor#taylor swift#joe and taylor fanfiction#joe alwyn#joe and tay#love#lovers#london
152 notes
·
View notes
Text
whoops my hand slipped so now instead of starting on my lit project due tomorrow i have to analyse the circe saga <3
okay side note: this might go from a full-on analysis to incoherent rambling so heads up. uh also not in any order, especially not chronological. anyway let’s get this party started!!
puppeteer
okay first one. wasn’t too sold on this one at first (not like the other ones *cough* wouldn’t you like *cough*) but like?? wow
circe’s voice!!
‘a woman’ ‘what’
ody just. brushing eurylochus away he sounds so donelike not done just. tired of life. if yk what i mean. like he doesn’t have beef with eurylochus specifically but like he’s just irritated with the world
the soldiers!! like if i were one of them i would have willingly get turned into a pig by circe (but like, i’m not a guy so idk)
the sounds of waves im not sure if it was actually there or just my imagination but still.
the start of the song echoes the melody of the first part of full speed ahead?? like i was singing it in my head before the words of puppeteer actually sunk in
it sounds so party-ish like i can imagine the vibes no wait i can feel the vibes it’s party vibes. i can imagine the soldiers getting drunk on the wine and lust. i can smell the wine. i can hear the music blasting from the shitty speakers hidden in the corners of the too-crowded room. i’ve never been to a party before. you can probably tell.
what was the thing that eurylochus wanted to say tho?? i’m curious. ppl who read the odyssey, was this interaction mentioned or made-up, and if it did happen, is it relevant to the plot? do we find out what he wanted to tell ody?
why is ody’s voice so deep
very gentle waves-esque music at the start. lulls us into a false sense of security. makes us think the island is safe. it isn’t. we’ve all been fooled by circe’s tricks.
‘there’s only so much more we can endure’ my poor boy this isn’t half of it
alternative take: they are traumatised babies we must protect them with our lives
alternative alternative take: and whose fault was that, ody? hmm? was it perhaps, the fault of a reckless captain who decided to fucking reveal his name-
oh my gods the way he just starts straight-up rapping-
‘we have to go save them’ ‘no we don’t’ well damn eurylochus who hurt you like this that was real quick
ody’s ‘damn’ like sir i know you’re contemplating running to said woman in question he sounds seduced already and he hasn’t even met the witch yet
eurylochus’ ‘okay’ sounds really dejected this probably doesn’t mean anything but that’s the point of an analysis so-
hey hey hey don’t greet the mysterious voice why are you doing that i thought you guys learnt your mistake(s)!!
oh oh oh her voice is so pretty it’s so good!!
she’s so bold and confident she’s amazing ahhhhh
her revealing her name! this says something like yk ‘names have power’ i can’t remember if it was pjo universe or actual facts but the fact that circe’s so sure of her ability to defend herself and her nymphs she gives away her name to ppl freely
oh so that’s how you pronounce circe (i just assumed it had a silent e)
you’re the only one who stayed outside?? hmm? eurylochus? well at least you learnt something
haha the soldiers sound so happy to be there
i don’t blame them tho they’re super tired they just want and need a safe place to rest
yeah that’s right don’t fucking underestimate women
uhm circe i don’t thing getting turned into pigs is gonna be the best part of these soldiers lives i think the best part passed before troy
no no no do not trust ppl who offer food did you not learn from the lotus eaters are you complacent who has the brain cell eurylochus give it back to the soldiers they need it more
awww thanks for the support circe <3
i would gladly let circe puppeteer me esp mythological!circe she’s so
‘and it wasn’t quick’ oh.
uh is this an inappropriate time to make a joke about furries bc pigs don’t have fur and the soldiers are dying-
‘the world does not tend to forgive’ ok lesson imparted from all-powerful being check
eurylochus hi yes you should have learnt not to abandon your friends uh but i don’t blame him tho poor guy just wants to get home (he never will)
‘but i can hardly sleep now knowing what we have done’ haha ody you’re not gonna like what comes next :3
‘i can still hear her still’ ooooh he’s Traumatised he has ptsd :))
‘i can only hope you’ll do the same’ ody go easy on him
oh circe is really protective of her nymphs
as she rightfully should
oh i’m done
wouldn’t you like
whoo my favourite
like no offense to the others but hermes!!
his voice is so gravelly wow
his laugh sounds so mischievous fit for a trickster god
‘i must say what a brilliant speech u gave’ this implies that hermes was watching them, or more specifically, odysseus, for at least long enough to hear the conversation. which means that there’s a solid chance that hermes was in it for the gossip and stayed for the drama
there’s a betting pool up on olympus. probably. definitely.
‘you’ll need the blessing of a certain god’ when this gets an adaptation, hermes will probably do like a hair flip or something. it’s in character for him to do that, right? right?
he has an accent but what accent does he have
oh my gods hermes that was such an awful pun i had to laugh
‘hermes?’ okay hear me out ody sounds like a mystified child who can’t believe his eyes (or in this case ears)
the laugh
he sounds more amused than anything else (he doesn’t really care, not right now, it’ll just be another fun tale to tell at parties)
was that a roar i heard?? a roar?? like the chimera??
oh oh oh when he’s describing circe he sounds so fascinated by her (probably me to my irl friends) like he doesn’t care? about the fate of the ppl he’s describing? he’s just? like ‘wow circe can do that isn’t that cool anyway-‘
like idk how to describe it
the emphasis he places on certain words it’s so cool to listen to (i’m running out of synonyms for amazing help)
oooooh the electric/techy feel to the song like ik it was explained in one of the videos that the gods have more electronic feel to their songs but it’s so!! cool!!
‘you can be hurt or you can beat her’ the play on words!! wow!! it’s just-
‘all you need’s imagination’ wow uh. this seems important. but uh.
‘and i call this root: holy moly’ hermes. i hate your puns. i hate them so much.
i am now compelled to explain the pun. damnit.
so basically only the gods can acquire the root. was it blessed by the gods? if it was, add a second layer to the meaning of this and ignore the question :)) and it rhymes!! holy and moly rhyme!! whoo
ody’s ‘ah’ he sounds so done
wait but hermes when he says ‘and i call this root: holy moly’ he sounds so proud of himself oh my gods like no that is not something to be proud of that is so awful ugh
‘hermes. thank you.’ oh? he appreciates his help? like he sounds so grateful wow
‘dont thank me friend you may very well die :))’ this further proves my theory that hermes is only in this for the drama?? okay yeah drama
‘good luck’ see it’s an afterthought. but he thought of ody. huh.
two more to go!!
done for
also was very very excited for this
did not disappoint
the intro is basically *epic fight music*
okay ody sounds like he’s smiling but not like a forced smile it might be genuine? like why would it be genuine? okay yeah it might be because he is confident he’s gonna win the fight. he has a god on his sight. it’s failproof. he has the flower. he doesn’t have to be scared. is this hubris?
‘through the years we seldom get a warm welcome’ okay ody. you were fighting a war. then you intruded into a cyclops’ cave. then you angered poseidon. of course you don’t get a warm welcome what were you expecting?
‘who me? all i did was reveal their true form :))’ u turned them into pigs :/‘ ‘huh.’ their banter wow.
*more epic fight music*
see the nymphs again!! she’s very very protective of them!!
‘i don’t mean to tip your scale’ ody stop lying. you did mean to tip her scale.
‘hermes gave it to you didn’t he’ ‘okay well yes fine but regardless-‘ i love love love the friendly banter between them idk but i think that in another lifetime under better circumstances they would have been really good friends
also implied that hermes has done this before so haha
‘friends i can’t neglect’ see i think this whole verse is the similarities between them see they could have been friends i know it i can feel it in my bones
*even more fight music*
the sword sound skjskjskjskjs
‘you’ve lost’ okay uh i think that was albeit too fast don;t you think so, ody? ody?
‘my nymphs are like my daughters i protect them at all costs’ yes see this is what i’ve been trying to say thanks circe
but the rhythm for this verse is so good it’s so ethereal wow
‘but everyone’s true colours are revealed in acts of lust’ circe. circe no. bad circe. stay away from ody he’s a married man
‘i’m not sure i follow’ oh ody. you poor, innocent child.
okay but his voice was so gravelly tho-
idk i don’t think circe was doing this to feed her own lust. like i don’t think she has feelings for ody or anything like i feel that she was doing exactly what she said and trying to find out what his true colours were so she could decide if she wanted to help him
last one!! not gonna like it a lot ‘cause seduction but hey greet the world with open arms am i right?
there are other ways
oh. this one.
i’m not really comfortable with this because there isn’t any point in seduction why does it exist ew
‘there are other ways of persuasion’ oh really? then show me your chimera i bet it’s cooler than whatever you’re gonna do to ody
‘there are other means of deceit’ this shows that circe is gonna convince ody to cheat on his wife but [spoiler alert] he doesn’t (for now) (i think) like deceit as in he’s deceiting his wife
okay i love the repetition here like ‘there are other…’ blah blah blah like wow. i like it. i don’t get it, but i like it.
‘want to save your men from the fire? show that you’re willing to burn’ woah. vfd core. so like this implies that she and her nymphs were planning on cooking the men-turned-into-pigs?? and also it’s a metaphor!! whoo my lit teacher would be proud of me (but less proud for not doing the project which is actual school work)
‘but there’s no puppet here’ okay so this shows that circe views ody as more powerful and resistant to her (and also her magic bc of the holy moly thingy) and less likely to fall prey to her charms (i would)
ody doesn’t know if he can manipulate his way out of this problem hah
okay dont kill me for this but i think that the ‘just a man’ references in the song feel a bit forced bc they’re like,,, they don’t fit
but. i think that like it’s ody trying to break out of the spell? that circe put on him to seduce him or smth like before that he was in sync then he tried to fight off the thingy by like going against the rhythm if yk what i mean
the transition from ‘forgive meeeee’ to ‘i can’t’ is so good aghhh
‘and she’s all my power’ ah this here is a clear piece of evidence that ody is the bottom in the relationship
‘and let us puppets leave’ oh? he’s like sympathizing with her and like trying to see from her perspective so he can leave more easily
‘poseidon, eh?’ haha mood
oh they’re kinda friends whoo :)
‘i know of a brilliant prophet, problem is this prophet is dead’ *music stops momentarily, transitions to very underworld-y music*
haha wait that was so funny
who was the prophet tho?
‘wait you’re helping us?’ he sounds so shocked
‘maybe one day the world will need a puppeteer no more’ this could imply that circe is suicidal?? whoops am i projecting
no but the genius lyrics said that the last few lyrics were sung by the soldiers they sound like theyre under a spell oh my gods imagine pigs singing this haha i think this is just like circe undoing the spell on them tho
whoo done!!
hi remember i’m just a random teen on the internet! no obligation to listen to me and my 10.37 pm rants!
#epic: the musical#epic the musical#epic: the circe saga#jorge rivera herrans#dont you just love analysing songs instead of poems#i do
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
possible eyestrain/flash warning
my little intro 😵😵😵😵
i hope im doing this right because im super new to tumblr and this intro is far from little…
╔═ஓ๑ ♱ ๑ஓ════╗
IM AYDEN 👽 im 16 and use he/him
really heavily into a lot of stuff right now specific things being we happy few, palworld, postal, undertale, warrior cats, eragon book series baldurs gate 3, and more i cant tbink of
lapfox trax and kmfdm are currently my biggest obsessions but i like other bands too
i would put this on the boundary list but i do NOT want any columbiner tcc freaks following me im tired of you morons giving kmfdm a bad rep.. you guys are exactly what kmfdm hates
i reclaim slurs and i do so frequently so probably dont interact if youre not good with that
fair warning i do have audhd and i am not great with people and i overshare on certain topics a lot, which can really be seen here because my intro is a mess
┊BOUNDAR/DNI LIST┊
typically i dont have any need to make a dni list because i just block people i dont like but considering the people on tumblr……… yeaaah!!
for starters, typical dni criteria, racists, bigots, homophobes, transphobes, etc
ABSOLUTELY FUCK OFF if youre apart of the tcc and/or little moronic columbine fanatic group i hate you and i wish you would all die, if youre a cat disliker/hater i will not elaborating on this, murderer sympathizers, furry haters im a furry myself i do not want to be friends with you
preferably dni if you are over 19, only talk politics, only talk about how your life sucks and nobody likes you, only talk drama
i am okay with joke flirting, sexual jokes, reclaiming slurs, offensive jokes (that is if you can say offensive jokes)
PLEASE INTERACT BG3 fans, cat lovers, NORMAL kmfdm fans, we happy few fans, people who like the prodigy, people who arent rude just to be a dick, postal fans
┊ stamps! i love stamps ┊
treating my intro like a myspace account
tumblr let me use more than 10 photos
#kmfdm#im begging you guys cool people talk to me i need friends#postal#intro post#warrior cats#i feel a little guilty for using these tags for somereason not sure why#lapfox trax#renard queenston#we happy few#flash warning for the stamps 😓#super nervous to post this mainly because i know im gonna look back on it and projectile vomit everywhere#the prodigy#postal dude#postal redux#whf#SoundCloud
12 notes
·
View notes
Note
This is not intended to start arguments of any kind. I am merely expression my personal frustration.
I'm glad everyone is having a good time with this "catgirl hacks the TSA" thing. You do realize therianthropy will never be taken seriously now, and any progress we've made toward making otherkinity "acceptable" to the human public is obliterated. Therianthropy will forever be a meme or a joke because of this. Hell, one of the most popular posts about this calls otherkin furries and a lot of non-kin people were already confused about the difference. This is damage that can't be undone.
I'm just tired of my identity, the core of who I am, being treated like a quirky joke, and this did not help. I don't see how so many of us seem to be okay with this.
Anon, I think you need to stop. Look in a mirror and say this out loud. Realize how fundamentally fucking ridiculous and selfish you sound.
You are blaming a single cat therian for having gone and done what is fundamentally an incredibly important deed for revealing flaws and inherent bigotry in how the United States approaches anti-terrorism tactics in flights post-9/11, and for being publicly a therian while having done it. Are you holding all therians to this same standard, I wonder? Is any therian who is publicly alterhuman and does something to gain positive renown Problem Therian #1 to you? Should we all just hide our animality in our lives outside of Tumblr for your comfort and security? If we ever do something good, do we automatically neeed to start dedicating serious resources to being a Good Therian Role-modelTM?
If you feel that therianthropy is being misunderstood en masse, how about you get off your lazy tail and actually do something to assist the problem that you're so confidently whining about? You can spend the energy here telling us how much therianthropy will "never be taken seriously now," and you're bemoaning human acceptance. You're sitting here complaining about Maia, but what have you done in recent memory about this? You're desperately wanting for human respect here, but I don't exactly see you flaunting your resume of times you've rolled over, showed your belly, and played the part of a respectability politics beg. I don't see you making websites, creating videos, writing essays, or anything else, either. You've got energy to send us this ask, but not to show your face behind it or say the things that you've done yourself to actually help this issue that you boldly claim that Maia has created. That's some tucked tail. Show up or shut up, as the kids say.
Also, I hate to break it to you, but there's been a well-known, popularly referenced meme specifically mocking otherkin and therians since 2013. A meme that was specifically fabricated from a documentary on nonhuman identities with the intent to mock them, if what interviews say are true. If Naia Okami's "On All Levels Except Physical, I Am A Wolf" meme didn't tank the community even after her doing alterhuman-focused interviews that referenced it for almost ten years after the fact, I think we'll be fine with this. Hell, what we're talking about here isn't even negative attention, and it's not even attention directly focused on us as a community, it's just adjacent! Maybe I have a thicker pelt than you, but this is seriously nothing comparatively to some of the things that have happened and been connected to the therian community in the past.
Anon, I don't know why on Earth you thought sending this in wouldn't spur an argument considering what you're saying is frankly insulting on multiple levels: to anyone who's actually done groundwork in the therian community, to plenty of us who were there during periods of time where media was being connected to the community in actually harmful and negligent ways (Wolfie Blackheart, Naia, etc.), to people who are openly a therian online and in their day-to-day life but don't make it a priority to try and be the therian's therian or anything ridiculous like that, to anyone who is "okay with this" as you put it. You're claiming that a therian who's done a genuinely good deed has wronged the community by virtue of her just being a public therian. How do you not realize the plethora of shitty implications in what you're saying here?
~ Mod Halcyon
#Ask#Anonymous#its ya boi mod halcyon#I'm sure the other mods might have different opinions on this one but heeeere's mine.
59 notes
·
View notes
Text
Ten-Tickles 🛸
the punchline was “what does it take to make an alien laugh?” but then again, title would get too long. last fic i did for this franchise was so bad (it was pretty much a glorified headcanon list) so i deleted it 💀 Be warned, a lot of these drabbles have the same sort of wafer-thin setup, I just need excuses to write the situations they're in.
Self-indulgent switch Ben+Gwen drabbles I did in between prompts and such. because 1) I’m a 2000s CN kid and 2) I’m trash lmao. Props to my brother for putting up with me for asking him questions about a show I haven’t seen in years and then again it was only bits and pieces of said show. they should have had a tk scene let me live my truth. and yes i've never watched this show in years but i do have a human encyclopedia at my disposal (shoutout again to my poor brobro)
But anyways, oh my DAYS, Ben and Gwen. Still essential parts of EVERY tickle doodle sheet. They were THE ler-leaning switches ever in my day (old hag voice). DEF annoying lers, tk potential THROUGH DA ROOOOF but the shenanigans are better in small doses. footerfeet tickles in ditto + wildvine + greymatter drabbles btw (if u dont like) (OH and in the last drabble as well)
I am NOT familiar at all with any of the story stuff or like 128923 other serieses. All I know is that there's a blue furry now and what my brother tells me (a whole bunch, it's the tism) (same). This is just my brainvomit. So yeah. These are the small shenanigan doses. 10 drabbles, 10 aliens, that’s the gist. YEAH IM TRASH SUE ME
Putting the weird gut-wrenching feeling he got after the Omnitrix would power down again aside, Ghostfreak was a fun one. What was not to love about phasing through walls like a peeping Tom and scaring the crap out of little kids? Best part was- Gwen didn’t seem to like him.
This past summer, the Rustbucket had parked its tires down next to many, many art museums, much to Ben’s dismay. The Cleveland Art Museum was no different to him (it was in Ohio, so it was probably worse). Marble statues and paintings filled a lifeless square with ivory walls as if to compensate for something. Like the art strung up on the walls, it was a tragic sight. Ben gave a loud groan, to which Grandpa Max shushed in response.
“Look, it’s all part of the deal-” he lectured. “We went where you wanted to go-”
“Blehh-bleh-blehh-bleh-bleh-bleh-bleeh..” Ben mocked, just barely brushing past a delicate display.
“Can’t you have some culture, mush-for-brains!?” Gwen snapped. “This place has lots of history behind it!”
They kept walking, stopping to admire piece after piece after piece, and then they just had to read the little information cards on the bottom. Boring.
“Yeah, yeah, history, schmistory. The guy who drew that’s probably dead anyway. Speaking of dead…” Slamming the dial on a spooky silhouette, Ghostfreak floated up with a chill in the frigid air.
"Boo!" he joked, startling Gwen (and everyone else in the museum) with a jolt. She scowled, glaring daggers into Ghostfreak's single pupil.
“What? This place is practically a ghost town already.” Another glare from the ginger. “Tough crowd, I guess.” Ghostfreak phased through a few statues and peeled off its skin to scare onlookers, then went back to bother Gwen again.
“Heeeeeyyy…���
"What.” Gwen snapped, turning around from her view of a sculpture. The alien dove through her torso, phasing through and quite literally getting inside her head, possessing her and stringing her hands around like a disorganized puppeteer.
"Stop tickling yourself." Ghostfreak rasped. Out of her control, Gwen's own hands danced around her tummy. Her possessed body struggled to keep from breaking out in a laughing fit, snickering, snorting and gritting her teeth.
"NGH-gh-hh-heh.." Gwen grunted, contorting her twisting smile into a grimace. Her own arms still moved unwillingly around her sides, and Ghostfreak's teasing whispers rang through her own corporal body.
"Stop tickling yourself. Stop tickling yourself. Stooop tickling yourself~" Her cousin's nagging voice surrounded Gwen's thoughts louder than usual, and if that wasn't bad enough, her own fingers involuntarily dug their way into her ribs, and along the hallowing halls reverberated her shrill, loud shriek.
'Hehehe-haha-hYIEEEEK!! Youhohou're such a dweeb!!" Through laughter, her own hands squeesed their way down her sides.
Ghostfreak phased out of her, laughing in a strange demented manner. Scowling, Gwen and Grandpa Max were dragged out of the building whilst Ben floated behind, gloating.
Well, this wasn't the first place they were kicked out of.
The Plumber base was cool at first. The secret entrance was cool. The alien ray-guns were cool. Even the prospect of plain old Grandpa kicking butt for a living was cool. As visits became more frequent, the wow-factor dulled. Grandpa Max would almost always be off discussing confidential matters, and Ben and Gwen would be left to their own devices under the vague condition of "don't touch anything", and more often than not, Ben would run into a room he wasn't allowed in while Gwen ran after him, and such was the case. A monitor twice the size of a movie screen fell before the cousins' eyes, with a keyboard thrice as wide to boot.
"Too many failed login attempts. Try again in fifteen minutes!?" Ben groaned. "You'd think we'd be allowed to test some of this stuff out.."
"What part of "don't touch anything" do you not understand, bozo?" Gwen retorted.
"Relax, it's not like he'll notice.." Ben shrugged in response, fingers wriggling over the cluttered keyboard. Before he could lay a finger on it, Gwen held him up by the back of his shirt.
"Hey! Do I look like I want Grandpa to kill us?"
Writhing, Ben looked down, turning the Omnitrix dial and slamming it, resulting in a mass of neon-streaked ferrofluid coagulating into his technological form. Upgrade slithered its way out of Gwen's reach and enveloped the screen, and Ben was interlinked to the monitor.
"Wo-ho-hoah! Look at all these! I don't even know what to name all of them!" Upgrade chirped, putty-like head popping out of the monitor. Slides of alien data files popped up in duochromatic green and black. Gwen groaned in frustration and scoured the keyboard for some sort of power down switch.
"Come on, come on! The Plumbers should know where to put a dang off button!" Disgruntled, Gwen's fingers closed as many tabs as her cousin could open. Ben felt jolts of static zapping at his mechanical form. For every press on the unnecessarily complicated contraption, the little zaps would grow increasingly inconvenient. And they tickled. Bad. Upgrade thrashed, threatening to jump out of the screen.
"-ngh- Would you stop -ugh- bothering me? I'm trying to get us- YOU out of trouble!" Gwen dodged the assault of his synthetic limbs while resuming her attempt to shut the device off.
"Hehe-heh-hey! I'm nohot trying to, you're tickling me!" Upgrade jittered. There was an eager glint in Gwen's eyes which made him regret his choice of words. Like a pianist, she cracked her knuckles, wiggling her fingers before the keys.
"Oh yeah? How's this for tickling? How about this?" Gwen pressed a crescendo of keys in a sadistic cacophony in a quick, succeeding fashion. Her fingers precisely clicked away from the top row all across the bottom. Upgrade's putty-like construct could barely constrict, only jutting outwards as each shockwave coursed through his synthetic body.
"G-gh-HA-HA-heh-HAHA-hah-heh-ha-HAHAHAHAHA! Quihihit it, lame-brain! Stohop, stohoho-hop! Ihi-hihi'm beheh-hehe-gging you!"
"Nope. Serves you right!" Gwen continued, smirking in sadistic glee at her newfound knowledge. Her hands criss-crossed across the board, aiming for certain nooks and crannies (the space bar was especially bad), laughing along with the Mechamorph.
As what was left of ten minutes ticked away, the clicking of keys grew louder and faster, and Upgrade's chippery laughter rang through the hallowed halls of the Plumber base.
It wasn’t fair. No matter how many games of license plate bingo Ben betted it on, it was always Gwen who got to sit and soak up the AC in the front seat. It was torture, seeing her kick back, a gloating grin square on her face when she looked back at the shaky, sizzling back seat- and desperate times like this called for desperate measures. Annoying ones. Wandering his way down the matted carpet of the Rustbucket on his tiptoes, Ben crept up at his cousin and goosed her in the sides with an evil glint in his eyes.
“Poke.”
A squeal! made Grandpa look back from the steering wheel and groan dejectedly. Gwen scowled, gritting her teeth.
“Rrrr! Why do you have to be such a- EEEEE!!” A plethora of pokes followed from her sides up to her ribs, along with occasional digs at her armpits- that is if they weren’t slammed shut in preparation for imminent attack.
“Gr-Grandpa! He’s being annoying!” To no avail, Grandpa Max kept on driving, trying to shut out her high pitched laughter.
“I’m only stopping if you’ll let me sit up front..” Ben retorted obnoxiously. “Poooooke- OW!” Gwen flicked him on the index finger in response, giggling smugly. He attempted to reach in numerous times afterwards, but each one would be deflected by Gwen’s hand.
“Nice try, doofus! That won’t work on me!” she stated, hands on hips. It was desperate times like now which called for desperate measures. Knowing Ben, he wouldn’t back down from a challenge, and when Gwen heard the dial-turn of the Omnitrix, it spelled trouble.
“But this might!” Four-Arms’ booming, baritone voice growled. His massive size bent him double against the roof of the RV, which only made Gwen closer to (two) arms’ reach.
“Don’t. Even. Think. About. It.”
But think about it he did. Gwen’s wrists were grasped by Ben’s single muscle-bound alien arm, lifting her up, and his other three were prodding away while she squirmed at the hands of the squatting extraterrestrial.
"Hihihehehehehe-AH-haha! Puhuhut me dohohown!" She bucked, instinctively kicking the window so hard the air freshener swung like a pendulum. Grandpa Max lifted one hand off the steering wheel to facepalm and rub his temples. Kids.
"Surrender the front seat!"
"Or whahahat, you slimeba-ha-hall!?"
"Or I'm amping it up!" Halting the stabbing jabs, Four-Arms lifted Gwen's legs up, receiving full access to her torso. Her long-sleeved tee was pulled to reveal her midsection, which his brawny lower hands then toyed with like an organ. "So, about that front seat.. Ready for it to be mine now? Huh??.." " ..Huh? Aw, MAN!" Like it was fate, the Omnitrix timed out in a flash of red, and Ben was met with a stern Grandpa-glare.
Why'd she always have to win?
"Kk-ggh-HA-HA! That's unfahair! G-Gwen, you're che-hee-HEA-ting!"
"Hah-how is it chehe-heating if- -ngh- I'm nohot letting you cheat!?"
The plasticine squeak of chafing against polyester was frequent as gunfire in the warzone that was the Rustbucket and laughter filled summer air like mustard gas- an all-out tickle tussle had arose in the midst of a stop for gas and supplies. Gwen had the upper hand, as Ben had slid off onto the carpet from her dirty tactic of holding up his left hand (conveniently also his cool alien watch-wielding hand) and targeting his armpit. Hypocritically, she reached over for her spellbook, leaning over on the booth seat as her cousin floundered on the carpet, and she had let go, unaware, only to look back at a flash of neon green. Ditto emerged, splitting into one- then two- then three.
"Uh-ooooh, looks like somebody's outnumbered!" One chatty clone piped while the other snuck up behind her back, putting its arms above Gwen's shoulders and mercilessly targeting her tummy. The other two, however, grabbed her ankles and tossed her shoes off and gave each other the same shit-eating knowing smirk, cartoonishly wiggling their free fingers.
"Hah-hehe-HA-ha-HA! Ahaha-ha-quit it, quit it, qui-hih-hi-hit it!" Gwen repeated, giggling.
"Raspberry on three?" the Ditto at her left foot remarked, the rest nodding.
"Three.. two.."
"One!" Gwen yelled, squeezing the Ditto behind her's side. All three yelped in unison, and the smile on her face shifted to one involuntary to a knowing grin. Smirking, she pinned the clone down, pursing her lips and leaning in for a satisfyingly sloppy raspberry, then another, and then another. All three laughed hysterically, swatting at air.
"guh-HA-HAHA-AHAHAHA-HA!! Stoppit! P-puh-PLEEASE!"
"Hah-HA-Ha-HAHA-Haha-have MERCY!!"
"Nnnnghh-HHHAHA-HA!! It TICKLES!!"
"Not 'till lunch, dwe- ACK!" Gwen called back as the Omnitrix timed out, only to be greeted with a pounce by her now-human cousin, his fingers threateningly spidering over her. "Don't even! B-Be-hehe-hen!"
Typically, Gwen wasn't one to boast. It was mainly Ben's antics that kept her humble during the road trip. Today seemed to be a rather obnoxious exception- she'd just grasped a spell, and used it every chance she got. Throughout this long summer day, cries of "Reanima Verdanica!" irritated Ben and to an extent, Grandpa Max to no end as flowers bloomed wherever she went.
"Alright, alright! I get it! You can make a few posies and pansies, what's the big deal!?" Ben whined. No response. Thinking the campsite they were parked at could use a little sprucing up, wildflowers sprouted from the mana on Gwen's hands onto the ground. Flowers that were tenfold their original size were visible from the sun-faded windows. Ben slumped onto the dinette table, rolling his eyes, when not long after he decided to take matters into his own hands.
"A little Wildvine'll show her who's boss!" Evergreen now surrounded the inside of the vehicle in a flash of light. Ben, in Wildvine's form, slithered out the door and snuck up behind his cousin.
"Reanima...verdanicAAHHH! What is WITH you, freakazoid!?"
"Hah! How's this for a plant?" Wildvine growled. "Betcha flowers can't do this!" Extending like a jumper cable, a tendril from his left hand extended, grabbing Gwen by her legs. Upside-down, the spellcaster struggled in her surprisingly strong bonds. Her spellbook fell to the floor with an underwhelming thud.
"Grrrr! Let me down, or-"
"Or what? You're gonna make me a flower crown?" He gloated. Wildvine's tuberous face shifted into a smirk, and from his sides, he conjured three sets of rakelike vines- two of which wormed into Gwen's armpits, the other pair slowly skittered against her ribs and tummy, and, to her relief, the last pair laid still against his roots. His methods were slow, but boy, were they evil.
"Ngh-hehe-gGGGGH! Reanima-haha... Verda-HA! Reanima Ver-daha-HAnicA! Ngh.. STUPID spell!" Continually, Gwen attempted to say the spell straight-faced, but humiliating giggles would slip out in between her attempt to resist. Not even weeds would grow from the ground.
"Payback, princess!" Wildvine rasped, the last set of arms shot up and the left arm grabbed hold of her left foot, whilst the right took off her shoe and began to scribble and shuffle against her sole in quick succession. The other vines followed suit, speeding up.
"Ugh! Reanima-HA-HAHAHAHA! Eeee-ya-hehehe-HAHAHA! You are so-hoho getting it when I'm out of here!"
She'd keep that promise and keep it well.
(oh ma JESUS i had to do research (ick) to get this one to work, i'm also a dog person if you couldn't tell)
Most people associated summer with sweltering heat and running through sprinklers. Most people, however, would not associate it with a life-or-death journey to retrieve lost alien DNA samples across the galaxy on a spaceship. Half the Omnitrix's rogue's gallery had been magically corrupted in a battle with Hex, giving Ben limited access to its library.
It wasn't as grueling as the past battle against Vilgax- the aliens scanned in the past had offered themselves up again without a fight- but Wildmutt's sample was different. Its home planet Vulpin also housed heaps of malignant radioactive waste, so Tetrax, the crystalized mercenary, took matters into his own hands and brought it onto the ship. Flighty, feral and difficult to control, it was hard to ease.
"Now, no sudden movements.." Tetrax husked. "Just touch and scan."
"Aw, yeah! Just one left and it's hero time!" Ben boasted. To prevent further damage, the Vulpimancer was surrounded by a ring of creeping green crystal.
"Nice doggy.. good doggy.." Gwen attempted to reason. The alien responded, eagerly lapping her face and showering it in thick drool. "Ugh! Gross!" Sniffing the air, the canid alien inched toward the two human children. It snarled, then with a series of curious pants, leapt at Ben.
"Yeesh. Talk about a sudden movement." Gwen chided. The Omnitrix-bearer was nervous- its sharp teeth and cud-like drool was an inch to his face. Tetrax and Gwen flinched. Ben knew Wildmutt, and he knew him well- this beast could maul him at any second.
What came instead was much less lethal- the alien's panting changed to that of excitement, and nuzzling against the fabric of Ben's shirt, it started to sniff him, the gusts of hot air blowing against his tummy.
"Nnghh! Gh-hh-Ahah-Hh--"
Gritting his teeth, it didn't take long before he'd burst into loud, embarrassing laughter.
"AH-hah-ha-ha-HAHA! Hehe-haha- Te-hetrax! Make him stohohop!"
Tetrax stood, smiling innocently. Boyish laughter urged the Vulpimancer to lean in closer and pepper Ben with slobbering dog-kisses, much to Gwen's delight- this was perfect blackmail material.
"Aw, who's a good boy? Whooo's a good boy? Who loves torturing my doofus cousin? You do, ooooooh, yes, you do!" Gwen cooed, teasing Ben with wriggly fingers.
"Gaha-guh-Gwen! J-Juhust ge-heh-het Wildmutt offa mehe-hehe!"
"What's that? The doofus says he likes it?" She chided.
"Now, now, don't tease him too much. Scanning mode will trigger soon." Tetrax responded, ceasing playing dumb.
Ben bucked, as the Vulpimancer's head wormed its way into his armpit, instinctively causing him to conk it on its skull with the Omnitrix. The watch glowed a dim orange as a robotic voice reverbrated-
"Scanning mode engaged." Finally. Both Tetrax and Gwen helped the mushy, giggly puddle on the floor which was Ben Tennyson up. Panting in relief, the tingly, shaggy sensation passed. The Omnitrix was complete, and it was safe travels back from here- safe, long, travels where Gwen wouldn't let him live this down.
(this picture looks really stupid HAHA)
Despite the wide range of useful alien heroes in the Omnitrix, it was no secret that Ben had a clear bias towards Four-Arms- what more could you want? Heck, the guy was hulked out, with four knuckle sandwiches at the ready- and his strength could fare useful for any situation.. especially annoying Gwen. The cousins were tasked to work together on setting up camp, and knowing them, things would only take a turn for the worse. Littered across the campsite were pinewood not yet built into a campfire and tents left unpitched- all because the two were too busy squabbling.
"...What part of "pitch a tent" do you not understand, bonehead!?" Gwen nagged, hands on hips.
"Grandpa said that was your job! Remind me who helped gather the firewood earlier?"
"Four-Arms." she chided. "It's not fair! You get to go hero and I've gotta do everything myself!" Just as fate had intended, the Omnitrix sparked green once again, and Ben gave a mischievous grin, making the redhead want to swallow her words.
"Oh, I'll have fun showing you what else he can do!" He wiggled his fingers, pressing the watch dial down. In a flash of quick metamorphosis, the boy emerged as-
"CANNONBOLT!?"
"Hah! Please. Like that thing can pitch a tent."
Ben, disappointed with the form he had taken, looked down at his radish-like feet, then back up at his armor plated shoulders- then his fluffy claws... and a devious idea hatched in his spherical head. Grabbing Gwen, Cannonbolt curled up halfway, and though she couldn't see it through her predicament, there was a wide, fanged smirk across his face.
"AH!! Whatever you're doing, don't even-"
"Too late! Tickle-tickle tickle tickle-tickle.." His four-pronged claws wormed their way into Gwen's shirt, scribbling and squeezing against her sides while their unbearable fur fluffed against her midsection. Her tummy jerked around as she writhed and threw her head back.
"Ggg-rr-HHH!!-Hh-HAHAHA-hahahEEEEK! Eeee- Sss-HH-Stoppit! Put me dOHOWN!"
"Hmm... no. Unless.." Laying on his plated shell, Cannonbolt remained nonchalant as Gwen squealed, cackled and bargained. He upped the ante, lightly tracing over her navel and going over her shirt to poke at every individual rib while she was held snug in a bear-hug. "You let me go hero."
"Nnnnn-NEHE-Never!" Fighting the press of its claws, Gwen put up a fight- only urging Ben to further egg her on. Bad idea.
"Well, in that case..." A barrage of quick, spiderlike claw-movements were skidding and skittering around Gwen's tummy. The pine forest clearing around them were as much as a wreck for once, and a familiar voice boomed from within the trees louder than her laughter.
"Benjamin. Kirby. Tennyson." Grandpa Max scolded. Gwen and Cannonbolt stood like deer in headlights, darting their eyes along the mangled campsite. At least there was someone who could keep Ben in check.
Nothing in the Rustbucket worked like it was supposed to. Flushing the toilet was a three-man effort, the oven would start sparking when the stove was on, and most inconveniently, opening the fridge cut the air conditioning- which was left running as the Tennysons trekked back from a strenuous hike at the Grand Canyon, and to their dismay, Ben and Gwen were greeted by a snail trail of melted ice-cream stretching from the faulty fridge.
“Aw, man! That was our only real food!” Ben whined, wiping his brow, standing at the puddle like it was blood at a crime scene. Gwen stood next to him, equally distraught, as the chunks of cookies and cream barely reached their shoes.
“Yeah, if only SOMEONE didn't leave the AC on!” she snapped.
"Oh, that's an easy fix. A little Grey Matter'll work wonders!” The tiny trooper jumped up onto the kitchenette’s counter, over the stove and made a springy leap up to the top of the fridge and launched himself toward the dusty air vent. Incessantly technobabbling to himself, Gwen looked up with a little too much faith in him.
"You know, I think this is one of the only good ideas you've had all summer.."
Grey Matter crawled, slimy hands soldering wires to the best of its abilities. Almost there. Wiping out gunk from crevices without breaking a sweat, his sagacity was paying off well.
“I think it’s working!” exclaimed Gwen, a moment too soon.
“Just a clean around the filter, and..” Red light creeped through the vent as a low jitter signaled the Omnitrix’s cooldown. There was a thud- and Ben’s lower half stuck out through the roof, leaving the air conditioner in worse condition.
"-Unf! Oooowww!!"
Stuck in the vent from his shoulders up, he could do nothing but kick and flail- as Gwen erupted in mocking laughter.
"Hey, hey! Help! Seriously! Stop laughing and let me down! Ugh, I'm telling on you!" Ben whined and kicked at Gwen's face, unaware.
"Oh, I'll help you down, alright.." Her smug smirk, one of pure, unadulterated childlike mischief, was out of sight, which left Ben oblivious to the assault that was to come. Yanking his shoes off with a struggle, and swiftly, her shifting fingers swooped along his socked feet. This was so worth losing an entire tub of ice cream.
"WAIT!!- Nnng- heh-HUH-hahaha-Whahaha-what gi-HI-hihives!?"
"I'm just helping you down, what's with the attitude? Do you want to spend the rest of summer vacation with your head up a vent like an ostrich!?" Gwen played dumb, almost-reluctantly sliding off Ben's left sock, nimble fingers flossing through toes, ringing unrelenting laughter.
"Ggh-HAH-haha-HA!! Stohop making f-huhun of me!" With each trace at the arch and dig at the toes, his face flushed from above. Gripping desperately onto the roof, he thrashed, threatening to crash on the carpet.
"I bet there's a spell in here somewhere.." pondered Gwen.
"nn-NNN-PLEAHASENO!" In fear of the mere suggestion, Ben fell facefirst into the confection on the carpet. Holding back giggles, Gwen walked away as he grumbled.
They wouldn't be getting any cool air for days.
"G-AAAAAAH!!"
A failed leap of faith sent Gwen, donning the Lucky Girl mask, careening down the Seattle Space Needle hopelessly, just barely escaping Charmcaster and her bag of tricks. Her own hero exploits were as infrequent as they were dangerous- which was why, for safety's sake, she would be frequently accompanied by Ben.
"huh-huh-Phew..-whoo-.."
As her arms flailed in an ostrichlike attempt in flight, Stinkfly's gangly hands had grabbed her mid-air, a light buzz coming from his insectoid wings. Gwen was safe and sound- but his putrid smell couldn't escape her.
"I really saved your butt there, didn't I?" his phlegmy voice reverbrated, Charmcaster's flying golems hot on their trail. They weren't any trouble- they were easily apprehended by the goop from his eyestalks.
"Yeah, but you really didn't need to smell like one! Now, hurry!" As they lost the evil enchantress, Gwen sassed and the duo flew toward the Rustbucket. Manoeuvreing over buildings with beating wings and showing off to onlookers, Ben was taking his sweet time for someone she told to hurry.
Gwen rolled her eyes. "What part of hurry don't you under-ST-eEK! " With a mischievous smirk, Stinkfly's legs reached over to poke at Gwen's middle- exposed from the wind blowing against her costume. Letting go of one arm, its brittle claw wormed (insect pun) into her armpit.
"Ahaha-HA! Y-yooo-you-hoo-hoo STINK!" she bucked.
"I know!" Keeping it up, two legs squeezed at the midriff like dough, while another set prodded at her ribs. "Not so lucky, are you now? Are you?" Even in a repulsive form, Ben still couldn't help but boast.
"Ghh-AHAHA-Heh-sto-STAHAHAP!" Gwen cackled. Fortunately, he heeded her demand- but only when they noticed Charmcaster, brandishing her magical bag behind them. Glowing red, the Omnitrix cooled down. Trouble.
"Looks like Lucky Girl has a weakness!.." she cooed. "And, oh, would you look at that! I have just the thing.." As wriggly, teasing stone hands flew towards Gwen, she couldn't help but grumble under her breath. Cousins.
(I ran out of "good" aliens.)
(also Gwendolyn's design is just so fucking good I literally love it for reasons I can't explain)
Another time adventure was the perfect opportunity to whisk Ben and Gwen away from a lunch of fried grasshoppers. Though their presence would cause many, many timeline discrepancies, they were the key to thwarting a major anomaly in Ben 10,000's way ..but their importance wouldn't stop the two from running amok in his headquarters. The two marveled at their own accomplishments, their egoes only expanding in the process.
"Woah! I get to learn more spells?" Gwen leafed through collections of magical runes, unusually eager. A slew of scrolls rolled off onto the metallic floor making a mess. "And that's my black belt!"
"Another hoverboard? Oh-ho-HO, check it out!" Pushing buttons and flipping switches they shouldn't have, the cousins made a mess of the tall tower- and it wasn't long before their future selves stepped up from the elevator doors, glaring dourly.
"What have we told you two about not touching anything?" reprimanded the older Ben. "That was a present from New Petropia!"
"You too, Gwen." Gwendolyn deadpanned. "You know, I'd think us- you out of all people would know better."
"Ugh, jeez! Guess you're still no fun.." The ten-year-old Ben rolled his eyes, blowing a raspberry at his elder- who exchanged a sly, knowing smirk with Gwendolyn.
"Well, we do know a thing or two about fun..." In the blink of an eye, Future-Ben went Four-Arms, holding his younger self up by the wrists with his first pair of arms. Gwendolyn straddled the latter cousin's legs with a wry smile.
"Consider this revenge." she teased, baring her long nails at Gwen, tracing, scribbling and spidering over her sides. Four-Arms, bigger and more rugged than he was in the past, dug into Ben's ribcage and armpits, just harsh enough to be unbearably soft.
"Wha-What are you- Wait! No! We're really so-HORRY! Ah! Haha-hah-heh-HA!" Gwen pleaded through laughter, throwing her head back as her older self dug into her armpits while she thrashed with every touch.
"Ple-HEASE! I'm -huh- not gonna-ha-ha- touch yo-hour stuff! You're gonna KI-HEHE-HILL ME!"
"No use bargaining, shrimp." Changing form, a (new!) agile simian alien emerged and webbed Ben up. "I call him Spidermonkey." Its tail yanked his shoes off, and eight fluffy fingers spidered over his soles. Hitting the floor, he thrashed in silky bonds as one of many new forms exploited weaknesses that he himself knew better than anyone.
"Just s-huh-SE-hehend us to the Null Vo-hoi-d ahat thi-his point!"
"We're just getting started! I've got 9,998 heroes left!"
"You know, Gwen.. great point earlier. I did get to learn more spells. Esthesio Pluma!" The younger redhead gulped, preparing for the worst. Fluffy feathers descended out of nowhere, flitting and floating at the flick of Gwendolyn's wrist. They ghosted over her stomach, telekinetically flying into her shirt to fluff at her belly button. The other plumes brushed over her neck in slow methodical fashion, and into her armpits.
"AH-hehe-HEH-hehehe! Lemme GO-hoho! You've behehe-heen through this!" Gwen reasoned, attempting to swat away the feathers, curling up into a kicky ball.
"Should we let up?" Nonchalantly, the older Ben rasped whilst running around in XLR8's form, waggling his tail quickly over his younger self's stomach while his claws targeted multiple spots simultaneously.
"We don't want us to suffer forever.." Gwendolyn assured, relinquishing control of the floating feathers. As quickly as he started, XLR8 stopped, reverting back into Ben. The past-cousins had a moment to catch their winded breath before getting back on their feet.
"-huff- I'll get me back someday.. Maybe.. now!" Just as Ben was about to slam his watch, his future self poked him on the stomach. "-y-IEEK!"
"If you tried, we'd know." she jeered.
----------------------------------------------
and that's the end of that! damn, that last one was long. back to requests!
#tickling#tickle community#t-word#tickle fic#tfb community#tickle#tk fic#tickle fanfic#sfw tickling#sfw tickle fic#the main reason im posting this is because my friend said they were awaiting it. do not tell them i said that. .///.#anyways#drabbles am i right?
35 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
rjbobby
Love it all!
keebwee
i am vomitello. chronic illness is beating my ass
jackeast53
Untitled
venchan-aprxg
あるロードバイク乗り
gnc-objection
Maou's ART account :P