Buddy.... Do not act like this.

I took my detergents and iron. There weren't any dryer sheets on the dryer when I went to get my cat. I knew it was fine to take the detergents using context clues.

I left cat litter

I left a gravity waterer

I left trash bags for said cat litter.

I'm leaving RubberMaid bowls

I think he's just pissy because he's now got a whole new list of chores.

I am in pain that I would rate a 7 (it makes me nauseous). I scrubbed the toilet and bathtub.

There are so many things that I'm leaving, even though I paid for them... and he's going to be a bitch...

C A T for the ask game please hehe 😻

Cat!! My dearest Shrutual <3333

(Im going to answer alphabetically. Also this got so long omg)

A - Ships that you currently like a lot. (They don’t have to be OTPs because not everyone has OTPs.) Friendships, pairings, threesomes, etc. are allowed.

I do have OTPs :D wolfstar and stucky (also previously: klance but im not into them as much anymore)

I even have a meme for this occasion:

other ships from the marauders fandom:

wolfstarbucks <333 wolfbucks and prongsfoot are alright too but not in the long run, I think I prefer them as a trio (everyone is there and all is well and everyone is happy. I get sad when R isnt there and im worried about S's whereabouts when he isnt there, so. Trio)

jily - i wouldnt call myself a jily shipper per se, but its also very dear to me <3333. Would choose a fic with them as a supporting ship over alternatives when reading r/s , thats for sure.

james & sirius friendship but also remus & james friendship!!

basically... sirius and remus and sometimes james an lily. in any configuration at this point

(there are other ships I like from hp, mcu and other fandoms but im not into them that much at this very moment)

C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will.

Oh boy. Do I have to choose just one?

Stony.

... Ok that wasnt that hard.

I dont like Tony, I dont care about him, I dont like their relationship we saw in the films (tho i havent read the comics so im judging just the films), Im not into enemies to lovers, there is nothing for me there. zero, zip, nada.

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?

Thats a really hard question bc apart from fighting "mainstream" fanon with canon info i dont think im that invested about most headcanons? so, i will try. i will not elaborate tho.

if sirius was into any muggle subculture it would be punk

black brothers weren't tortured with cruciatus every other day for any minor inconvenience they caused. sirius was abused psychologically and emotionally and until the last second walburga hoped he would come back and take the role of the heir he was supposed to.

regulus wasnt forced into becoming a DE, but he did it bc he wanted to prove himself

alphard was gay and had muggle lover(s)

sirius would become a curse breaker, a social worker, an activist, a mechanic or an engineer or something like that. idk why but i dont like it when he's a healer/doctor. However I can see sirius joining the aurors with james, but i think he would resign not long after finishing training when he realises he cant fix the system from the inside. idk if james would resign tho.

if we assume that the marauders form a pack, its not remus who is the alpha, even while in wolf form

the last one im adding just bc i saw a post about it right before i started answering this ask: the full moon doesnt make remus horny. its a traumatic experience for him and he associates it with everything he fears - pain and loosing control. for a few days before the full he feels sick and weak and he hates everything and sirius has to fight tooth and nail to just get him under a blanket for a cuddle. right after the full he is exhausted and in pain. the further from the full the easier it is to get him in the mood, basically. (i feel like im the only one. at least on this one post every response was the opposite. i read just one ff with a similar thing - where its the new moon that makes werewolves horny.) i am not opposed to remus being horny right after the full tho

las one I just remembered: the hogwarts express has more than two stops. for gods sake. those kids arent travelling to London from Edinburgh just to spend the whole day on the train on the way back. (check out this map) all of the stations have platforms like 3 ⅓, 2 ⅚ and so on of course.

ask game

Hi! You asked for an ask and I’m always down to ask so…do you have any headcanons about Mickey’s time in Mexico?

wow you managed to ask me about the only thing of this show that i HAVENT rlly thought about so hats off to you

uhhhh okay first, PRE-MEXICO. i think mickey broke out in the first place because he knew ian wasnt gonna wait for him. i think if ian didnt break up with him and dedicated himself to being a prison boyfriend (?) mickey wouldve stayed in. (i also think he wouldve found a skeevy defense lawyer who owes the milkoviches some debts and appealed his conviction bc lets be honest its total bullshit that he got locked away just based off sammi's unreliable testimony. like where the fuck was debby to lie under oath and say mickey was with her the whole time and she saw sammi take more pills than usual and go outside to move things. sorry im losing the plot this is NOT the time to discuss my s6 rewrite.) mikey haf absolutely no reason to stay in prison, stay in chicago, so i think after nearly 2 years of no visits from ian he just gave the fuck up. why not try to escape? hes smart, he can conjure up a decent plan, right? worst case scenario he goes back to prison, which didnt really fucking matter to him bc he was in prison anyway and he just. didnt care anymore.

so, he broke out and contacted ian ina last-ditch effort to get the love of his life back. he knew ian wasnt gonna wait for him, but at the docks hes obviously still shocked to hear ian moved on fast enough to have a boyfriend already. then ian agreed to go to mexico and mickey was SO READY to start LIVING HIS LIFE. he thought that would be IT. him and his lover in mexico at the beach, getting away from all the bad memories of chicago and having a place to START OVER!!! then ian changed his mind last minute and mickey was fucking CRUSHED. AGAIN. and all of a sudden now hes in mexico alone and all his previous plans went out the fucking window because he totally didnt spend the past few days rearranging his plans to revolve around ian being with him.

i dont really think a lot about mickey's time in mexico. i think he was sad. i think he was angry. i think he just did what he could to stay alive and try to move on but he never really didnt. i think he kept his head low and did his job in the cartel and tried to learn spanish but it was too fucking hard so he gave up on that pretty quickly and attached himself to the multilingual members of the gang. i definitely dont think he had a boyfriend. im sure he fucked around with other guys, but i also think he spent more time laying in his shitty apartment that he shared with like 4 other guys trying not to cry too loud thinking about what could have been.

i also dont think he worked for el chapo lmfao sorry to anyone who thinks that but the timeline doesnt even line up. and if he somehow did have a part in taking down el chapo he wouldve been put in witness protection. he probably wouldve gotten killed anyway tho

my dumb ass didnt realize he got a new tattoo until like deep into s10 and i gaslit myself into thinking it was always there LMFAO but i love that he got another tattoo there. i like to think this one was with a clean needle. i dont think this happened in canon, but MY mickey wouldve gotten a tongue piercing! perhaps other ones too. a couple other tattoos, a cartilage piercing, an eyebrow, his nipples. idk. just to change his appearance more. yeah. thats. the only reason.

anyway i think he got back into the US by working with an undercover cop and being a part of a pre-planned drug bust that included him being "arrested" and making it seem like he got extradited to the US only for being wanted. if he wouldve just waltzed into a precinct and said "hey i got dirt on this cartel" his as wouldve been killed so quickly. it needed to be a lot more covert so the other members didnt catch on and get rid of him. i do think eventually they probably figured out he was the anonymous witness whose interviewed were used in trial, which is why when he gets released in s10 the CO tells him the cartel is looking for him. sorry im going all Law & Order here talking about a s6 trial and now a trial against the cartel i need to stop

'i dont think Ares physically abuses his kids, mostly because i dont think he is present enough in any of his kids' lives to find a fucked up "reason" to hit them (i would not be surprised if the flinch and whatnot was from a sparring match gone too rough the last time they met tho)' Ares as that 'coach' dad who realizes their kid's failing at something and makes them do it over and over again while yelling until they 'finally get it right' makes a lot of sense.

The dad who's not abusive he's helping his kid succeed, he's teaching them what they need to know in this world, doing his job to train them up right.

Even if he's had them running wind sprints til they throw up because they lost a foot race to one of the unclaimed demigods.

this ask is referencing this post

lmao close, but that would imply that he was present in his kids' lives, which he wasnt (also, what youre describing is abuse. that is considered an abusive practice for coaches/drill sergeants/whatnot to do, that is considered an abusive punishment. its just also not Ares hitting his own kids, which i understand is what you meant, no worries lmao) but i do think you have the right idea! like Book!Ares would probably be upset about losing "battles" he percieves as important enough that a child of his losing would be considered a slight against him personally. my intent had been to imply "something affectionate of Book!Ares, like a friendly spar, probably would not have felt friendly". bc i dont think Ares would have let his kids win or gone easy on them (which can be a good thing and a bad thing. his kids are at constant risk of death through virtue of just... being a demigod, so giving them false confidence is bad. but also tearing their confidence apart would also be bad. i think for this Ares, the idea of letting his kids win would hurt his pride so he wont allow it. which makes it a lose-lose no matter what. i mean. this is the guy willing to fully square up against 12 year-old Percy Jackson afterall. again, age and relationship dynamics dont mean much to Book!Ares at any rate)

if i could have my own ideal Ares depiction in a book series, he'd be a good dad, at least a decent one. for reasons that would be a huge tangent for me to get into rn. but, alas, i did not write "Percy Jackson". so, we have what we have in Book!Ares and we will have what we have with Show!Ares. which, again, i do think is fine. all the gods have to be p shit people/parents in order for Kronos to convince so many kids (claimed and unclaimed) to come to his side, like they have to be inattentive if nothing else (which is why i resent a bit that Apollo is being backpedaled into a good dad. like. nah, Dionysus makes sense to make into a good/decent dad due to his exile demanding he be present in his kids' lives; and the Big Three, primarily Hades and Poseidon, being attentive makes sense because they barely have any kids these days; and the minor gods being good parents now thay they can openly claim their kids without fear of consequences for themselves/said kids also makes sense. but the remaining gods of the main 12 (so 12 minus the Big Three minus Hera, minus Aretmis = 7 remaining gods) have to ALL not be good in order to perptuate that whole toxic mindset of "glory = godly parental attention". i could understand the godly parents becoming better parents if they were in similar situations as Dionysus, like if Percy forced the gods to be more present in their kids' lives. which would, as i assume, change their personalities some as, like with the whole "our personalities change because we moved from Greece to the USA" enviromental bit would also imply the people they surround themselves with change who they are

(tho. uh. Greece was very famously bad to women. like. it legitimately sucked to be a woman in Ancient Greece, with the exception of MAYBE Sparta. theres a reason why people joke "yeah, the Ancient Greeks were cool with gay sex, not bc they were progressive, but bc they hated women that much". like their politics didnt allow women v many rights, if any, the most rights given being to women in Sparta but still. also they had a fucked up idea of "love" as a type of "uncontrollable insanity", it was legitimately described like an illness, which in retrospect explains all the SA in their legends (tho i am glad we do have some healthy depictions of love here and there). so. toxic masculinity did definitely exist there. i could talk ad nauseam about the debatability of how much toxic masculinity was in Greece and how much is it us projecting tho. think of Dr Emily Wilson. anyway, i digress. my point here has been "toxic masculinity/sexism existed there in sizable amounts, why should it change Ares so much now that he's in the USA"? to which the answer is: Riordan was an English teacher who was a hobbyist of Ancient Greek lore that went with what was in the public's pop culture osmosis knowledge of Ares at the time. its very recently that we have begun to question if that osmosis was correct. anyway.)

so, in the sense that who they are around will apparently change their personality: being consistently around their kids who just want good parents could force the godly parents to become good parents? its a stretch but i would accept it, personally, for the cathartsis wish-fulfillment of kids in shitty situations getting at least one good parent. which, many kids dont get to have at least one good parent (much less two or more good parents). think "Turning Red" and how it reflects a realistic mother/daughter dynamic that is unhealthy but morphs into a moment of reconciliation and cathartsis; giving us an example to strive for on what is healthy/how you should be treated and look up to for both child and parent's references. lots of kids will never get to have what Mei did, but it is so nice to feel that cathartic wish-fulfillment. and i would be so down for same that kind of cathartic wish-fulfillment to happen in "Percy Jackson" with its godly parents to the point that i truly would not mind that aforementioned stretch of logic it would take to get there. alas. (but that doesnt happen sO, RIORDAN, STOP BACKPEDALING AND TRYING TO MAKE APOLLO A LOVING FATHER, HE'S ONE OF THE SEVEN GODS THAT HAVE TO BE P SHITTY AND APOLLO WAS NOT INITIALLY INTRODUCED AS A VERY GREAT FATHER ANYWAY. but i digress). so i can accept Ares having to be a bad dad in order for the plot/war to make sense, in order to have representation that abused kids can grow/be happy in spite of their trauma, in order to show the problems with toxic masculinity in a father figure as well as shining a light on "hey, this is so prevelant in America that it became part of at least one of the gods' personalities", and so on. but i do want to make it clear that i dont like it. but one of the first things drilled into me in college-level English critiques is "it's not about what YOU would do if this was your story, its about the story in front of you and what the author wanted to achieve. have your criticisms be based on that, not on something that wasn't going to happen". so like, for Riordan's purposes? making each of those 7 godly parents bad parents in a different way is good writing that makes sense for his plot to work, and Ares being a bad godly parent in a rough and tough way makes sense. like, Athena is patronizing and thinks she is always right, meaning she doesn't listen to her kids. Aphrodite is emotionally manipulative to the point of being abusive and scary to her kids. and Hermes is so busy that he can't really be present for his kids, no matter what he feels personally, and then additionally feels like he is not allowed to interact with them directly when he does have free time. and Dionysus, the most present parent due to his exile, is shitty to all his kids' camp-friends by proxy, at minimum, which is very alienating if nothing else (again, we dont get to directly see him parent at all so far into the series that ive read. so idk how else he is a bad parent. probably is overprotective after having buried so many of his own kids this whole time? who knows). all of them are/have to be bad parents in their own ways (again, for the plot to work if nothing else) and it makes sense of Ares to be bad in THIS way

but yeah! that was just a very long-winded way of saying "if Book!Ares was more present to care about smaller things like foot-races or if this was something he cared about that was bigger than a regular foot-race, then yeah! youre right, he would be like that. because he kind of has to be". im just waffling about Ares' characterization bc i do agree with you but i just also wish Book!Ares didnt HAVE to be this way in order for the plot to work (and i am mentally slapping Riordan's hand anytime he tries to backpedal on what i distinctly remember as his original characterization of Apollo in the first series. bc if those 7 gods all have be different types of bad parents for the war plotline to work, then Apollo does not get special treatment to get to retroactively have been a good dad the whole time afterall). i am not excited to see show!Ares, but i am excited the whole thing about "Clarisse will never be enough because she is not his son" thing implies Clarisse will be on-screen more. and, again, i do super respect the decision to do this to Book!Ares' character. the representation aspect of a child of fatherly abuse still being able to grow/find happiness is also important (tho im personally just not excited to see as the "abuse" part of the representation as someone who is a child of fatherly abuse. but i will admit it is important! and it is good representation to have!)

and i do just LOVE Clarisse and will gobble up any crumbs of her im given. i really hope the show gives her (and Chris too! bc that is her future boyfriend lol) more screentime ♡

but yeah, to circle back, youre right on your chatacterization of him! and im glad you like how i understand and interpret Book!Ares to be like ♡♡♡ thanks for the Ask ♡

when i write something i tend to have a goal, or actually a specific moment or scene, i aim toward. for this specific scene in stepdad au i had this image of izuku surrounded by his sleeping children and talking about how he wants to protect his kids from becoming like their villainous sire so that they dont walk the same path as him. it was very clear in my head and i knew what i wanted but i have to build to get there.

i like nontraditional family unit as someone who grew up with both parents, divorced, and then raised by a single mother i have a lot of respect for the nontraditional family unit!! stepdad au is one of part of many of AUs that centered around that lol. i like that katsuki who literally been a bachelor most of his life suddenly stumbled his way into like a family and now he's juggling parenthood to these small tyrants and HE'S TRYING HIS BEST.

i think i talked about this before how im not a big fan of kidfics bc they dont really have much of personality and that they're more used as a tool to get the couple together rather their own char arc so for me it was really important that each of the numbers had a very distinct characteristics that you can pick them apart among the crowd. i wanted each kid bounce off e/o bc hey they're siblings should act like ones and have a storyline outside of bkdk's love story. so theres a lot of focus on the kids as much as bkdk's storyline bc izuku (and now katsuki also) world revolves around them. izuku put away his mate/husband to SAVE HIS KIDS!!

heroes comes in all shapes and sizes and not all heroes wear cape, ya know the quote but it's exactly what it is here. izuku's path didn't lead to ofa and becoming a hero but in his own way, even tho it seemingly small in the grand scheme of things, he put everything on the line to get his kids away from their villainous sire so they wont fall on the same dark path as him. he has no quirk and didnt have support from anyone for a long time but he planned this for many years just to finally put his husband away like idk that's fucking stone cold. izuku hid his true intentions and acted the part of the good spouse, the good omega, and kept producing kids and raising them for his mate but he was actually masterminding a plan to bring his husband down and escape with his kids like HE DID THAT!!! ON HIS OWN!!! how could ppl not admire that audacity, that fucking bravery????

even tho izuku did all that, he feels like it wasnt enough bc how long it took the plan to took shape like izuku didn't just come with this plan in a day and execute it within the same week or months. HE PLANNED THIS FOR YEARS AND YEARS and finally he got enough tools in his arsenal to pulled it off (evidences and waiting for his children to be old enough to carry it out). thats pretty badass but izuk doesnt see it that, its the duty of the parents to protect their kids and izuku think he's just doing what he must!!! but even then he wishes he didnt have to wait that long to carry them away from the abuse of their sires but for his plan to work he had to stay lowkey, underestimated, and the good spouse/omega so he had to watched his children suffered but he cant do much against it. it's a hard thing to watch and endure and izuku will always regret how he couldnt do much for them and i think even tho he managed to save his kids and put away his husband, it always live in him how he could HAVE DONE MORE (even tho unlikely). so when katsuki says something about thinking he's doing just fine in his eyes, it's someone ELSE not him that tell him hey, you're not such a terrible parent and izuku's guilt lessen just a lil.

izuku isnt the perfect parent but he's trying and katsuki definitely isnt made for parenting either but he's learning AND TOGETHER they're learning to be what the numbers need and this journey is what tied them together and fall in love even tho katsuki is like half way there already but god, izuku showing him that even with no quirks, izuku can do crazy shits for his children!!!!!!

HII miki!!! PLS tell me everything abt ur acc! i.e fave chars, which 5 stars u have (and want?) and fave teams? also, just to spice things up a bit! are there any chars u regret building/pulling for?? (or perhaps any accidental pulls? for instance, my itto was a complete accident.. i just wanted gorou lmao) also... ur fave 4 star : ) srry that was a lot of questions but i cant wait to read ur answers!! have a lovely day!

HIII TŪĪ!!! this was so fun to write thank you for asking!!

fave characters: i have a lot of characters that i love but my most favorites are kazuha, hu tao, xingqiu, chongyun, albedo, benny, ayaka, yoimiya aaand tighnari. there are a lot more that i like but if i had to select just some those would be it i think!

fave 4 star: def one of the three i mentioned before! either benny, xingqiu or chongyun, but its so hard to choose just one.... mmm i think im gonna say benny bc hes very dear to me and has been accompanying me since my very first days playing the game, he has never left my team and i dont know what i would have done without him (i do know, i would have died countless times for sure)

5 stars i have: ive been playing the game for like a year and a half so even being f2p im lucky that i finally have most of my faves! i have kazuha, ayaka, hu tao, albedo, kokomi, yoimiya, xiao, nahida and eula. and from the standard banner, can you believe i only have keqing and mona after that much time playing?? well thats bc i have keqing c1 and.... mona c4. apart from the first 50/50 that i lost, which was with keqing, ive lost ALL the rest with mona and at this rate im sure im gonna get her c6 :'))) hyv stop giving me monas and give one tighnari pls PLS

accidental pulls: i DID have one accidental pull very similar to your case with itto and it was with eula. it was right when i was starting playing genshin and she was actually my very first 5 star. i only did one (1) ten pull on her banner bc xingqiu was there too and i wanted him so bad, but instead i ended up with no xingqiu and one eula that came home at pity 15 and winning 50/50, the luckiest ive ever been and for what... (and the saddest thing is i also didnt get xingqiu until months later sighhh). okay actually it wasnt that bad back then bc i didnt have any more 5 stars at the time so i used her as my main dps until i got ayaka, but now i dont play with her anymore

5 stars i want: since i got kazuha, who i really really wanted and saved for him for more than a whole year bc i lost 50/50 on him the first time (and the second time too... but i was prepared and could get him regardless), now i dont have any other character that i very desperately want as it was with him. and its bc ive been lucky that ive been able to get the rest of my faves too! i mean sure, i do want MORE characters, the ones that id like to get are tighnari, scaramouche (hyv im begging let me win 50/50 this time), nilou, cyno and venti, but i dont have that level of obsession i had with kazuha alsjfdk but yeah when their banners come (back) ill def be pulling for them!

fave teams: and my fave teams!!! im not a meta player and i know there are probably better combinations than the ones i use but idc and im very happy with my teams. so im gonna put the names i have for each team and its members!

permafrost brrrr: kazuha, chongyun, kokomi, ayaka. i loveeee fighting and freezing all the enemies along the way, so this is one is probably my favorite from all these teams. before getting kazuha i used it with xingqiu (hence the name of the team, tho it still works) and i miss a bit playing with xingqiu and chongyun together in the same team but kazuha makes this team even more fun and i like a lot how these 4 work together!

pants on fire!: xingqiu, albedo, hu tao, benny. my team for hu tao! ive been using this one since i got albedo and hu tao last year and ive never thought of changing it ever since, im very attached to it

short kings: kazuha, albedo, xiao, benny. my team for xiao and yes i wanted a team where i could put all my bois together and this one was perfect. a friend that is very invested in meta told me that kazuha wasnt useful at all here but idc bc just playing with them together makes me very happy

papayas quemadas: xingqiu, nahida, kokomi, yoimiya. this team i created it very recently! i was struggling a bit to find the best team for yoimiya and when i got nahida i tried this one and its very fun im liking it a lot! (ajdflsk abt the name of the team it means burnt papayas in spanish, bc the flowers (?) you make with hydro and dendro i call them papayas and then with yoimiyas pyro they become burnt, so yeah :))

queens: kokomi, eula, fischl, beidou. this is a team i have meant for eula using electro and cryo to boost her phys dmg and kokomi too to create electrocharged. i tried it a bit and it was actually fun! but i still need to build the chars better and i dont like eula that much as a character, so i dont really use this one rn. but maybe one day ill finally build them properly and give it a try again!

this was a super long answer but anyway it was a lot of fun to write!!!

i really hope you have a great day/evening too!! 💜

**Fruits basket (2019) ending spoilers!!**

I iwas. i was nOT prepared for the ending of fruits basket. The speech Tohru's mom gives in the death flashback?? about living and growing old?? the fact Kyo watched her die??? oh my god Akitos arc?? she was so lonely that whole time?? every single character in that goddamn show has. so much. trauma. send them ALL to therapy PLEASE. I kin Isuzu which is. honestly worrying. and specifically in that scene where she finally accepts Tohru's help and just??? sobs on her????? wow. WOW. AND MOMIJI!!! I honestly wasnt prepared for him to grow up so much in s3 like physically and mentally that poor lil bunny :(( there was a serious lack of Uo-chan and Hanajima in s3 tho ngl bc i absolutely adore those two bitches (Uotani reminds me a lot of Beidou from GI i think bc of the hair, voice, and bad bih attitude so my sapphic ass dEFINITELY has a type oops)

anyway im so glad that everyone got their happy endings but. ngl that show has forever changed me and i will forever love it and ill miss that ill never get to watch it for the first time again. everyone in it grew so much, helped eachother, forgave people, it even addresses when Isuzu doesnt want to forgive Akito when most of the other Sohmas do (understandably, Akito damaged her SO much)

anyway have some of my favourite fruits basket quotes:

"Sure, the idea of forgetting does make me sad- but if that's what it takes, I'll grin and bear it... I do have one thing to ask you- if I forget you, please befriend me again?" - Tohru Honda, S1E2

"People like me cling to kind people. We seek them out. We leech them dry. That’s why I won’t involve anyone else in this. It’s better if I go it alone. I’ll keep running alone. Nobody has to understand me. It’s easier if they hate me. It’s better if I’m all alone. That’s what I decided, and I intend to stick with it. I decided I wouldn’t cry." - Isuzu (Rin) Sohma, ?

"I hate this. This is why I didn't want to get near her. She's that type of person. The type of person who makes me feel this. I wanted to burst into tears. I wanted to run to her, let myself lie in her lap- and surrender my heart to her. I wanted to whine and complain about my weakness. I couldn't do that. People like me lean on, yearn for- and take advantage of kind people.. I'm sorry! I'm going to lean on you- I'm so powerless- I'm so weak. I don't know what to do anymore, I don't know!" - Isuzu (Rin) Sohma, S2E19

"It's scary to be by yourself. It's scary to be- on your own." - (to Isuzu) Tohru Honda, S2E19

"Come on carrots, I don't get what you are so embarrassed about. It's not like I'm asking you to pick up panties for her or something. Jeez." - best girl Uotani :3, ?

"When somebody is important to you, there are times where it can be hard, times when where they may feel lonely… but in the end, it's worth it. Happier, sad, together or apart, my weakness will always be.. Tohru." - best girl Hanajima <3, S1E21

"Just as no matter how hard you try to keep it away, despair will attack you again and again. In the same manner, hope will return to you. Again and again." - Kazuma (Senpai/Master) Sohma, ?

"Even if the world doesn’t need us, we live for the people who do." - Kyoko Honda, ?

"I never thought I’d be praised. I never thought that day would come. I’m imperfect, warped, defective…and yet here is someone who’s praising me." - Machi Kuragi, ?

"If I keep trying, then someday… I’ll be strong enough that those memories can’t defeat me. I want to believe that there’s no such thing as a memory that’s okay to forget." - Momiji Sohma, ?

"I knew it. I knew it all along. Just as there’s rejection in this world, there are people who will reach out to you." - Kyo Sohma, ?

"When did I start thinking stupid, sappy things like that? And why? It's almost like… I'm…" - Kyo Sohma, S2E9

"She must have known that if she let go… I would never return. If I slipped through her hands, I'd be gone. And no one would be able to bring me back. She didn't erase all my pain or offer to solve all of my problems. She didn't fix everything that was broken. But that's not what I needed anyway. Not really. What mattered most was that… she stayed." - Kyo Sohma, S2E9

"I wish I could’ve lived my life without making any wrong turns. But that’s impossible. A path like that doesn’t exist. We fail. We trip. We get lost. We make mistakes. And little by little, one step at a time, we push forward. It’s all we can do. On our own two feet." - Yuki Sohma, ?

"I think it’s true what they say…crying, unexpectedly, does make you feel better. Without shame, like a child. When you get older, you forget about that. It’s not easy to have a good cry anymore." - Hatori Sohma, ?

"You've been sad- miserable- and so very lonely." - (to Akito) Tohru Honda, S3E9

"No- I'm scared! I don't want this! I was promised- so much more! This world- where no one needs me, where everyone's a stranger- I don't want it... No! It's too late! Don't you understand that? This world is unrecognisable. There are no promises, or bonds- no hope of eternity. I'm scared. I can't live surrounded by strangers- alone. Without any guarantee that- I'll be loved? I can't." - Akito Sohma, S3E9

"The second I cry, you'll decide you've had enough. If I complain, you'll get mad. You'll stop liking me- and throw me out of your life!" - (to Tohru) Akito Sohma, S3E9

"Akito- please, don't cry. It's alright. Everything's alright, the scary times are over. You made it." - Tohru Honda, S3E9

"I'm begging you please, do what I cant. Protect my baby girl... Sorry, honey. I guess this is goodbye. I have to go- but I pray that you'll be happy. I pray that your years will be full of people who love you. Live the kind of life you can be proud of in the end. Even if you make mistakes, or take the long way around. Live so that- when it's your time to go- people will say; "You fought well." Have lots of happy times, and sad times, and everything in-between. That's how I want you to grow old." - Kyoko Honda, S3E12

ok thats it, promise.

ik like no one will read this post so its mostly for myself but if anyone out there in the void also enjoys fruits basket- pls take this offering xoxo

i was quite shooketh when i saw sans dob not only did i think he was older or same age as hongjoong but oml i thought he wasnt a softie at all and i was going to let him do unspeakable things to moi only to find out hes too soft and gentle for that. he reminds me muchly of son heung min theyre both fo the same birth month, they kind fi got that rbf and theyre only 2 days apart from one another just different years. if only san was an oppa footballer i would faint if i ever met those two, i shouldve been prettier and richer in this life. rip me.

anywho i need san to always dress like he belongs in peaky blinders as his bad boy image is the best out of the group. sorry hongjoong always look like he summon the devil on stage, mingi looks and dance like an LA fuckboi (so does bangchan!!!) whereas san look like a mafia boss in a suit, its so hot and unfair that im never going to get to bite him not onceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. whoever he dates is probably young and naive san should get a bad bitch, its just not going to be me.

it just never going to happen so fml. im not kidding tho every artist or some type of celeb is either wrong generation, wrong age group wrong nationality meaning i will have next to no chances of even seeing in person or in general shows are getting more expensive to go and see again i wish i had kpop when i was much younger. sorry for my rambling and thanks for replying!

im so sorry for you tho! fortunately im still pretty young and live with my mom so for the concerts she’s the one who pays 💀💀 lucky me i have a very generous mom

btw SAN IS SO FUCKIN HOT IN A SUITE- THE CORSETS ON HIM ARE THE END OF ME

but i personally think San is more into pretty (both on the outside but especially on the inside) and wise women

Hey manhwa/sob anon,my thoughts on winter szn is EXACT same to same with you everything you said was what I thought.i thought I was just not satisfied with dongchae being not mc like he didn't really have much even tho it was HIS szn yeah I absolutely agree with u angry with jaemin nd also jaemin x eunchae r my disliked ship...I didn't like the winter szn as much as other cuz of all the things you've said but I didn't really know what nd which thing I don't like so after seeing u write ur opinion nd thought made me think "aah that why , I don't really like this szn"

Also the reason I wanted you to read sob,really like your opinions nd many match with mine although not all

Like you I enjoyed bomi x jinyoung more the cuz I think it would e been really weird between seonhui nd bomi if any of those two were to date jaemin really like their friendship so I didn't want there to be a wall b/,w them tho I will agree with you on jaemin with bomi thing cuz at first I see them nd think ah they will really make a good couple both r similar (bomi mom being strict nd jaemin also being strict although not with him but with brother) both popular kid good grade good personality they would a power couple I'm a sucker for short boy x tall girl so jinbomi won my heart over aslo like the grumpy x sunshine trope also I really liked seonhui & jaehyeon cuz I'm kinda a lover of side couple also their maple 🍁 scene made me fall head over heels for this ship so I didn't really like seonhui x jaemin cuz as I said before the reason of bomi nd her friendship to not fall apart but now that not a problem cuz bomi nd jinyoung bf gf but she had guilt over asking jaemin to come over when his brother was suicide that day tho not her fault(nd yes that the school & mom fault ,hamin flower was good but so sad ) so that why I didn't really like it

On gaeul flower thing I liked it but as you said the discomfort of subin being reminder of her being bullied was really not done well she really got over it fast as you said but beside that I really like them being in college(university? I forgot which one) hs romance is common

Overall Id say I liked the story+ the couple execpt for dongchae flower could be done so much better nd the couple wasnt really good imo maybe I was expecting too much but also I agree you on the speech part I also really loved it!

there's gonna be a sequel (author said it's light hearted than sob) I think in a year Im waiting for it

Really a big post sorry

(Response to this).

Its fine, i love to talk about series anyway.

Yeah, winter season could've been better. I really thought Jaemin was out of character. He was better than that and Eunchae too. Dongchae deserves better.

Actually, i love tall girl x short boy type of ships too and of course, opposite attracts thing. The reason i couldnt root is because she and Jaemin both wanted to be together at that time, even its not romantic love, it was sad to watch them like that. I wasnt into Jaemin and Bomi, i just support people who have healthy relationship and like i said, the way she described that comfort feelings for Jaemin fits more the actual love but at the end, both of them are happy so its fine.

And i really hated what Bomi did with Jaemin, Jinyeong. If my friend did something like Bomi did, i would absolutely hated it. Girl, you didnt make things better but actually worse! And this isnt for her, its for herself. If you dont want to date your bestie's crush, tell her that for God's sake. They are lucky, it ends well though.

I didnt like Seunhui at the beginning because she looks like just rude girl for no reason but the story progress, i find her very cute and i know she has guilty for Hamin's suicide but i still think they also look good together with Jaemin and the way he was teasing her at the start, i shipped them and i dont think her relationship would actually fall apart with Bomi, if they communicated properly. Just because they have past and regrets doesnt mean they cant be together and doesnt mean its not love. Jaemin and Seunhui c/would be really cute and funny too but again, at the end, both find happiness so i am fine with this too so whatever, lol.

I think university romance is better because of maturity, the idea that you will find real love in uni is more realistic to me because at highschool, you are just trying to figure out yourself, you will most likely have crushes than love, its imature form of love. Though, its fun to explore any type of love, especially if its well written.

I heard about sequel, i wonder what will it be about.

june 12th

hi 

i wanted to start writing because i feel like itll help me in some way, ive never really said anything i think or feel. i never really say anything at all. 

if for some reason someone who isnt me reads this im sorry. itll be a lot of word vomit and just generally unpleasant so maybe dont read all of it lol. im going to try and not use lol beacuse i do that to lighten the mood.

anyway.

yesterday before i went to work i had this really strange feeling. it was this weird sense of nothingness and everything? i feel like thats how people feel before they die. like a weird calmness. i felt comfortable and okay with everything. so i felt nothing really when i googled if hanging yourself hurts, i have a rope and everything but i just wanted to make sure i wouldnt feel any more pain. in my head i thought it would be kinda like a slap to the face if i wanted to kill myself because of the pain and then the last thing i feel is pain ha. 

anyway. i got really annoyed when all the results were for the suicide helpline. numbers to call, resources, texting lines everything. i just wanted to know. but then i gave up. as usual. 

all day yesterday i was just planning on when id do it. i wanted to pick a good day. i remembered that i have to clean my apartment first, make sure my cat is fed, but then my friends birthday is coming up and i wanted to wish them a happy birthday, and i had plans to hang out with my friend, and then after that i had plans to hang out with another of my friends. i realized maybe im too busy to die and i really didn't want to disappoint anyone. so i just gave up on that thought. (i did see my friends i was supposed to see yesterday, and this guy bought my food and drinks which has never happened before which was really nice) 

idk how i got here honestly. ive tried suicide before but obviously im writing so that didnt work. but before was different. i just went for it. i didnt think about it. i didnt plan anything i just went 1,2,3 go. i mean, i know how i got here. myself. if i wasnt such a fucking people pleaser maybe I'd have enough balls to be in a better place. 

my ex and i officially broke up last week, and thats kinda where it all started. i know it sounds stereotypical but i dont want to die because of the breakup but because of the feelings that came after it. i really wanted to break up. it was my idea in the beginning. but it took him forever to just say “yeah i dont have any feelings so this is it”. it was like my ego took a flip. ive actually have never had someone say that to me. that sounds really uppity i know. but its true. in my head i thought “after all i did for you thats how you end it?”. and i really ruined my life for this guy. i quit my old job i did hate it tho, moved away from my friends and family, he got into an accident so i used all my money to take care of him and had to take off work, drove him everywhere bc he couldnt drive, etc. and what did i get in return? he cheated on me twice, treated me like shit, slammed a door in my face so hard it broke my glasses, tried to hit me. the relationship was so bad all im left with is alcoholism and an eating disorder. so honestly, good riddance. 

he left me in a really, really bad place. i have to figure out where to live now since he just up and left. i dont have enough money to live on my own anymore. tbh i dont even want to write about it since it stresses me out so much. so i wont. ive just been drinking and going out to distract myself. not from him but like i said, the feelings that came after it. i want revenge, i want peace, i want him to apologize, i want him to never do this to anyone, and i just want to die. i dont have people to talk to about this stuff, i do but, i dont want to seem like an angry ex. i just want people to see the hurt that ive been through. i just want someone to tell me its going to be okay. that what i feel is normal. that people go through this all the time. i just want comfort. 

im sure if i actually told anyone about this theyd be like “but you have me!! you have your family!! you have people who care about you!!”. and yeah i do. but when youre so far down a hole, you dont see the light at the top, just darkness. and probably dirt lol. 

i cried for the first time today. since all of this happened i havent cried at all. my chest has been hurting so much since ive been holding it in. but the reason i started crying was kinda dumb. one of my old friends found me and reached out. he wanted to see how i was doing and what ive been up to. what was i supposed to say? “hey ive been horrible! just planning my suicide and and stuff ya know” but of course i couldnt say that so i just said ive been good. we caught up for a bit and thats when he said hes getting over a breakup that messed him up. so i took the bait and said yeah me too. he just said if you ever want to talk you can always call or text. so i just said thank you it means a lot and that things can only get better i guess. and idk why but thats when i started crying. he said 

“theres so much good to come” 

its so dumb but i felt like those words were just a giant warm blanket. especially with the head space that im in. obviously i could hear that from anyone. but hearing it from someone i haven't talked to in like 4 years meant so much more.

there are so many people who care about me. ive just been stuck dealing with my ex and only caring about what he had to think or feel. he never really cared about me like these people do. theyre concerned about me. they tell me to eat, they tell me theyre worried about my drinking, they dont want me to be out alone, they want to make sure im okay. 

so fuck my ex. fuck him and anyone who thinks hes a good person. hes such a manipulative piece of shit. no one really knows what ive been through. no one knows how hes left me. no one knows about the cheating. no one knows about the abuse. they know nothing. im sure hes talked about me. im sure hes told them how i have a hard time showing feelings. im sure hes told them.. i dont even know. hes probably pulled something out of his ass. and they probably feel so bad for him. i hope they do. and i hope one day they feel just as stupid as i do. 

i just had to get my anger out. 

but my friend is right i think. maybe there is good to come. ive decided to stick around to find out. 

0011.

When someone sneezes, do you say “Bless you,” or “God Bless you?” God bless you Do you ever look at someone cute, and automatically make a move? automatically? no lol. but i might make a move or two.  How many times have you been to Wal-Mart/K-Mart in the past week? uhhhh neither. i dont even know where the nearest kmart is anymore.  What are two things you are excited to do in the near future? travel!!!!! Have you ever seen the movie A Walk to Remember? Cliche’ or worth watching? so good. man i used to love that movie.

Do you ever put condoms in old people’s buggies at the store? that is so ridiculous. no, ive never lol

Name one reason you go to a pharmacy regularly for? i dont regularly.  What radio station could you not resist turning it to in the vehicle? 99.5 Do you live in a house, apartment, or another type of arrangement? house Do you wear sweaters in the Winter or hoodies, more often? ooooo usually sweatshirts. this last year was definitely sweaters tho Are you kind of a loner? Do you like being alone? i love being alone! i think my own personal company is top drawer lol. but im not a loner incapable of seeing other people or enjoying their company. Are you one of those people who like to spell out numbers? ummm it could happen. Is there an animal in the room with you right now? What kind? yes. benny, a cat. Did you or do you still have a Furby? Was/is it annoying? i did have one. it was extremely annoying lol Whats one event your town has that you don’t like to participate in? there are none that i dont like to participate in lol Are any of your siblings married? What are their spouse’s names? my older two siblings are both married, their spouses are Karla & Dustin. my other brother gets married in just over a month and his fiances name is Jessica. Do you hate nosy people who ask too many personal questions? only if theyre trying to get information that im not looking to share. but no, overall. Name one lyric from the song you’re listening to/the last one you listened? i actually dont know what song was the last one i heard most recently.  Do you have a fax machine? Do you ever use it anyways? not anymore its been many years since we have had one lol. but back in the day i used it often Does your kitchen table have placemats? If so, what colors are on them? no not currently. we own some for occasions but no we dont leave them up  Do you know how to sew? Whats your favorite thing to sew? yes! artsy fun things Have you ever owned a turtle? Did it ever bite you when you owned it? yes! ummm not much i mean turtles can bite hard for sure but when i had been bit it was a small size so it wasnt a problem Does your father have any creepy or scary friends you dont like? i dont know my dads friends anymore Who was the last person (if anyone) you said Happy Birthday to? david Do you have Photoshop? If so, how often a day do you use it? i dont What color are the walls in the room you’re in right now? like a gray mauve-y brown ish combo. one is much darker  Has your school ever had a lockdown? If so, for what reason exactly? lol i was homeschooled so no. in college not really. we had someone who made a threat so school was closed for a day. Do you enjoy it when your school has drills? (ex/fire or tornado drill?) never did one.  Do you watch any shows that you know your parents wouldn’t approve of? uhhh i mean it doesnt really matter either way. im sure they wouldnt love some of my shows because it isnt their preference of media but not because theyre bad  Do you have any siblings who still believe in Santa, and are over age ten? nope What color were the last pair of headphones/earphones you bought? i havent got a clue. K usually buys that sort of stuff for me so its been a hot minute since i have lol Do people call you a big mouth sometimes? Or more than sometimes? no lol

today i went on my first run

it was my first time running since my half marathon a year ago.

i had walked a bunch up until today. i think 3mi was my longest one. 5mi cumulative in 1 day. i've been trying to work on my endurance and strengthen my body bc every keeps saying that it's important.

and holy shit it was so hard.

i started out nice and slow like youre supposed to. my average pace for this 1 mile was 12:30ish. much slower than my typical pace of 10:00 but i mean i had brain cancer so i'll cut myself some slack. i felt really confident as i started out. i walked this path a ton of times before. i knew there was a lot of shade and just a slight incline. i was just gonna run the perimeter of the apartment complex which is a little more than 1mi. my goal was to fun 2mi today.

but that didn't happen.

i noticed around 0.8mi i was getting pretty gassed. i kept checking my watch to see if i was finally at 1mi. i was close enough so i did a classic mel and just pushed thru to get to 1mi. the second i hit it i sat my ass down on the side walk.

i felt horrible.

i was sweating like crazy and my stomach was cramping. it hurt so bad. i was feeling a little light headed. the more that i sat down the more i knew i was gonna shit my pants if i didnt make some moves towards the bathroom. i've felt like this before tho. i knew i'd be able to pull thru it. but pushing thru is what always gets me into these fucked up situations where i end up not listening to my body and going waaaaay past my limits in the worst way.

so i do my normal thing. i sit there in pain. sweating. gasping. kneeled over. light headed. deciding the best way to get to a bathroom. the clubhouse wasnt an option bc i didnt have my key card. just my keys to the apt. but the apt was far and would mean waiting for the incredibly unreliable elevator or climbing 3 flights of stairs.

but my double edged sword of pushing thru helped me this time and i clenched my butt cheeks and got to the apt and IMMEDIATELY ran to the bathroom.

it's difficult for me to come to terms with the physical limitations that i have now. im very used to being uncomfortable and tired. even before cancer. im a mind over matter person and i always trusted myself. i thought that if i could just get over the mental hurdle, that my body could do anything i wanted it to. sometimes it didnt work. but usually it did. but now that mentality is probs more toxic than helpful.

i think i've always been bad a recognizing the limits to my body. i never took the time to listen to my body when it was achy or in pain. i would just deal with it. nbd. but me not giving proper and deserving recognition is how i got so sick. it took me ages to even go to vaden to get checked out and get migraine meds. it really wasn't until mom and dad got involved when i started seeing more docs and the scan. i pushed thru finals. the carmel trip. the la trip. craniotomy 1. craniotomy 2. radiation. chemo. unrelenting ER visits.

i think im really tired. i know it's not great and def not sustainable behavior. but it's kinda all i know.

pushing thru has been my downfall and saving grace.

i think i saw those who didn't push thru as weak, a failure, complainers. not qualities that i wanted associated with my character.

my team told me soooo many times to call them immediately if i was having any sxs. even the smallest things. i was so reluctant to do so. getting sick and knowing that i would be hospitalized just added to it. when it started feeling weird i would just try to ignore it instead of facing the problem. which is the obviously better decision. getting treatment by the best onc team in the world. i wouldnt be able to mind over matter cancer. but i was arrogant and desperately ignored my own body even when it was screaming that something was wrong. it's lightweight embarrassing how much and how often i could will myself to believe that everything would be okay. willful ignorance at it's finest.

im gonna keep trying to run. im thinking i'll make more adjustments on how i do it tho so i dont shit myself or pass out. but i do want to increase my physical activity.

Mother

I don't have much of a childhood with you that i remember and what i do remember wasn't the best.

i remember being picked up from loud parties with lots of people at them and you not being around.

I remember getting chicken pox and you giving me a bath in the duplex we once lived in.

i remember sitting on the floor board of a car in the backseat because the car was so full of all your friends while my father was chasing you trying to get me back, being younger than 8 scared and not understanding all going on.

my last memory of you was when i was 8 and you came to church to spend time with me and little did i know that was the last time i was going to see you.

At that same time i was starting a new school in a new town in a new home. starting 3rd grade with the trauma of not having a mother or knowing when i would see her again. The trauma of a breaking heart shattering into pieces. 2000 was the year everything hit differently. 8 years old. no mother. being the oldest I had to help my father with my siblings, take on responsibilities.

I may not have any loving memories with you at all but i do know that the love i had for you was strong and deep and you was the only person that i wanted in my life and you was the one person i didnt have.

I carried that truma with me throughout my childhood years. I refused to let so many people close to me. 2000 being the last I saw you to 2009 being 17 almost 18.

i still remember that day I saw you at the hotel and all i could think about was it's finally my time to have a mother in my life. That this new chapter was going to be the best. little did i know i was wrong.

Moved back to iowa with you, meeting my baby sister and my other step siblings ive seen before. my step dad and thinking this will be good for me.

From garage parties with constant drinking to fighting and taking care of my baby sister learning about diabetes and how to care for a person who has it to trying to get you to spend time with me with out drinking to losing you all over again because drinking is all you could do.

Moving out and getting kicked out of school for not living with a parent to getting my high school diploma at at college and starting my nursing degree while losing my mind not having a clear conscious at all, getting into a relationship i wasnt ready for. Starting a life I wasn't ready for.

I never let myself heal from any of the trauma. I let it consume me each day and i found someone to pure it all into who eventually tore me apart to so i tend to find myself finding people who are broken and need fixing to work on them and less of me and i have wasted my whole life doing that just to avoid my pain of not having the mother i wanted and needed in my life and for what?

what it did for me was put me down a bad path. a path of people who did nothing but abuse me and use me and lie and hurt me but i am the one to blame because i let it all happen just to avoid the pain you put me through.

Don’t get me wrong I’ve met a lot of amazing people along the way to.

years down the line you tried to tear my family from me. you tried to blame me for social services taking my niece. You blamed everything on me. you used me and used me day in and day out and i let you. you only talked to me when you needed something. and then the day i finally stopped giving in and letting you when is the day you never showed.

the day that i drove around town waiting for you to show up all because you wanted to meet up with me to cash that check of yours and then what a lady hits me totals my van. hurts my child and all you can tell me was that chris took your keys you cant come and you never intended to come meet me like you asked for me to.

it was that day that i realized what i truly meant to you. nothing. your first born child. the person who made you a mother and nothing is what i mean to you.

even tho we dont talk anymore and i havent seen you in along time and while your on your meth path now and god only knows how your truly doing i do know that out of all the hell you have put me through i still love you. Ill still be there for you from afar. I'll be there for you at your deathbed and funeral. I'll be there for you if you fall sick but i will not put my life on hold once again for you.

You may have given birth to me and given the title of a mom but you have never been my mother. a stranger who brought me into this would with out showing me what love is or how to be the best person that i could be but you have taught me that i am who i am today for lots of reasons and some of them include the way you was with me.

your a women who has gone through whatever life put your through to be able to continue down a path where you never got to know 3 of your children and never will because they choose not to care who you are for leaving them. a life where you will always be the person you are until you accept all your flaws and mistakes and try to make amends with them.

I need to move on from this trauma that i have been holding onto since 2000.. I need closure and peace from the past and move onto the future.

I forgive you melissa jo helfler for all that you have done. I forgive all that you may do. You are such a beautiful soul and person if you let yourself be. I pray to our lord that you find your forgiveness and can be redeemed for all gone wrong and find your own peace in life.

i will always love you and i will always be your daughter, even if you don't see nor want me as your own. Know that i will be there from afar and love you as you gave me life, a life that i am now learning to live without heartache.

ELIS JUST GETS ME IN THIS VIBE. I could hear her sing and speak for hours, she keeps me calm everytime I feel things are falling apart. She's my role model, I guess.

I did grow up with music all around me, I think that's why I'm so connected to it. Not only we are all music fans in my family as my dad is also a professional bassist, so... Is in the blood. But I don't play any instrument. Nor sing 🤡 my talents are in other spectrum of the arts.

Also I have many idols because I was rather alone??? Most of my life??? Only child, in the middle of adults, was kinds rough. I had to look up to someone. I'm glad I got them, tho, things could go sooooo damn wrong if wasn't for it

thats very much me w bang chan. its always heartwarming to see people develop these meaningful - albeit parasocial - relationships with their idols. as much as being a hardcore stan gets a lot of bad rep, i think it does a whole lot of good in our lives. ahh, i dream about being able to be that for someone else one day. i wanna be a musician too~

ahh wowowow. my mum is like tone-deaf but she has a lot of good singers on her side of the family, maybe the gene skipped her LOL meanwhile my dad sang casually and used to play flute but also had a lot of good musicians on his side of the family, so i think its in my blood too it just skipped over my parents and now im the resident music kid lololol. thats cool that your dad is a pro bassist tho ive always wanted to learn bass, its so cool!! kinda wish i got to grow up surrounded by music too.

ohhh man thats rough. i relate, though, i wasnt an only child but ive had a rocky relationship w my sibling - actually, most of my family for that matter - for a lot of my life and even moreso with friends, ive struggled making and keeping friends a Lot so looking up to people who in theory, anyway, wont hurt or abandon you, sure does a whole lot to ease the loneliness. thats part of why im so attached to skz, cause i stanned them predebut and that just happened to be them entering my life when i needed them most. im glad i found them when i did, bc idk where i'd be if i didnt.

Sara and dean

My name is sara, Sara Maxwell. I am the Best friend of Sam and Dean Winchester, I have known Dean Since i was a baby our parents were best friends, My mother Donna and his mother mary met in highschool and had become close friends, My Mother even helped her on hunts occasionally. I never did meet my father though he was never in the picture and i had lost my mom when i was 6 months old so i couldnt even ask her about him, A few weeks after Mary found out she was going to be having Dean thats when my mom found out she was pregant with me. CUT TO A FEW MONTHS LATER... My mom went into labor with me and shortly after mary had Dean, So me and dean were born on the same exact day.

Me and Dean Had grew up together, John and mary had even taken me in after my mom passed away when i was 6 months old. I still dont fully know what happened all i can kind of remember is there was a fire in my nursery and some guys running in to try get us out, Unfortunetly they didnt make it to my mom in time. Mary and john had taken me in after that so i literally did grow up with Dean, we were always close even as babies but even closer after mary died the same way my own mother did, I remeber waking up that night to john yelling to dean to get me and sammy out. After that things changed though john wasnt really around alot it was mostly just me and dean watching out for sammy while john was out doing whatever he was doing, Dean had known what john was doing but he hid it from me and sammy for a long time.

CUT TO A FEW YEARS LATER... Even though we never really stayed at the same middle school for long periods of time me and dean always ended up in the same classes growing up at first he was kind of annoyed with me he treated me more like a little sister(even though we were the same age), we had our moments where we argued alot like brother and sister, I dont know what happened but when we got to high school things changed even more and i was starting to like him more then just a best friend, of course i hid it from him as best i could but one day i couldn't hold it in anymore so i decided to finally tell him. "i was in between classes, i looked over seeing dean at his locker talking to one of his friends, i swallowed hard trying to work up the courage to tell him how i really felt. "dean can i talk to you for a minute" i asked him walking up to him getting even more nervous when i saw him give me a slight smile like he always did "sure sara bear whats up " i heard him say and smiled at his little nickname for me. "im just going to say it before i chicken out, but i really like you dean, more then just friends" i finally let out looking up at him but before i knew it i felt his lips against mine kissing me, i smiled against his lips. "i like you too sara-bear" i heard him say."

Me and Dean Had Dated for a few years and were even considered high school sweet hearts by our friends and everyone else who knew us. But there was one thing about me that i never really told dean, I had always wanted to be a doctor/nurse so i had put in a application for a collage out of state in seattle. A Few months after putting in the application i had gotten accepted, i was happy but i was also sad that i had to make a choice between the person i loved and my dream job, I finally told dean about the collage and he seemed happy for me but he also threw himself into the job more then he normally did, I could feel me and dean drifting apart because of the life and as i kept thinking about things i wanted a family and i knew how he felt about it so i took him aside when it was just us alone. "i need to talk to you dean, seriously" i told him looking up at him nervously at how he would take things "whats up sara-bear" I heard him say and couldnt help but smile a little even tho inside i was dieing, "I got accepted at seattle university in Seattle Washington for nursing" i told him looking up at him "So what does that mean for us" i heard him ask "about that dean, you know i love you, i really do but nursing is my dream job you know my mom was a nurse and that i always wanted to follow her" i said pausing for a minute to take a deep breath "and i always wanted a family of my own dean, i was hoping it would be with you but i know how you feel about it with the job and everything" i started off saying as i looked down feeling a tear fall "i think for now dean we should go our seperate ways for a while", "Im Sorry Dean But I Think This Is For The Best" I told him as i looked up at him feeling more tears fall and saw his face seeing a tear fall down his cheek, "i still love you dean, i always will that will never change."