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hopelessdazai · 2 months

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✿ 》 Will you talk to me again?

╰⧼ 🪻 note.. ⧽ ; I don't expect this to do well because its not smut but it'd be nice !! reblogs appreciated, support your creators :)

╰⧼ ☀️ features.. ⧽ ; @saelique angst collab!! dazai x gn!reader, WC ; 784

╰⧼ 🌙 contents.. ⧽ ; angst, reader isn't alive, letter from dazai. he's trying very hard to keep himself stable but it's not working™.

To my dearest ______ .

It's been a while, hasn't it? I hope you don't mind me writing to you like this, it's simply been too long. I'm sure you're still angry at me, so seeing you physically isn't my best interest right now! haha, I'm sorry. you know I'm just joking around, don't you? I'd love to see you in person. I'm sure you would've punched my arm if you heard me out loud right now, wouldn't you? I'm glad I'm spared of the bruises.

what does someone put in a letter? that's what I was asking myself before I even began writing. I decided that the best way to do something like this was to just write whatever I feel true as pen touches paper. I hope it makes sense to you, at the least. if I'm pouring my heart out on some paper only for it to be misunderstood, it feels like a waste, no?

though, i'd be lying if i said it wouldn't be rather cute to see you try to fathom what I mean. did you know you scrunch your nose like a bunny sometimes when you're reading? I'm sure you're doing that now too. you'll get wrinkles very at this rate ..

but anyway, I managed to prank kunikida the other day! you remember that hair dye trick I'd told you about? I managed to break into his apartment and swap out his shampoo, at last! he came into work the next day with black hair, it was hilarious, you should've been here! he was so angry with me. beat me black and blue!

oh, _____. I got a new heated blanket for our bed, you know? it took a while to save up for it, and I had to cut out some other necessities, sure. but it makes everything so much better! I hate cold beds, I'm sure you know that better then anyone. haha, back before we moved in together when I'd break into your apartment and crawl into bed with you. I'm sorry for the amount of locks I broke, but your place was so cozy!

... you know, it's been really hard without you here. I miss you so painfully, and I don't mean to call into the void without even an echo, but its killing me to pretend I'm fine about any of this. I'm not fine with this, how am I supposed to be? I wish it was just a bad dream.

I don't want to have to write letters to you anymore, ______. I don't want to have to buy heated blankets to try and stop my arms from aching for your warmth. I don't want you to be angry with me, I'm sorry I didn't apologise to you before you were gone. I shouldn't have been so stupid.

i had so many words on my mind that I was too afraid to say. maybe if I faced myself and told you 'I love you' it would've stopped you leaving.

have you met odasaku yet? has he told you any stories of his time? I wish I could hear your voice again. I wish you could answer my questions. even to hear you scoff at my stupidity again would heal me. I'm sorry I was annoying, I just wanted your attention. it stings knowing I'll never get it again.

I can't keep repeating to myself that you're not gone. I can't keep buying your perfume and pretending that you're in the next room over. your pillow doesn't smell like you anymore.

I wish I could apologise properly. I wish I could've stopped you from leaving the house that night. I wish I could kill myself to join you and yet I know we won't cross paths again in the afterlife. you were always too good for me, ______. i was nothing compared to you.

i picked up a homeless dog yesterday. you'd always wanted a puppy, I'm sorry I never let you bring one home. I named it after you. im trying to get used to them, I promise. if I couldn't save you, I'll save your name.

I'm sorry. if I continue writing, my throat will hurt more. its strange, isn't it? crying makes your throat sore. I forgot what it was like for a while, I remember laying in your arms wondering if I'd ever have a reason to cry again. now I can't seem to help myself.

keep your wings clean for me, white looks good on you. its a shame you couldn't wear the wedding attire i wished to see you in one day. you would've looked amazing.

I'll write again, missing you is the greatest honor.

sincerely, your osamu.

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aurae-rori · 1 month

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DR RATIO ANALYSIS PT 3 BUT IT'S JUST GAY

Now, you might be saying - "Aurae, you've done part one, and part two, so why do we need a part three?" The answer is because of two things - one. I made a deal with the Tumblr Peoples that if one of my posts hit more than 50 likes I would do this analysis. Two. Mihoyo is making this shit canon. I CAN'T MAKE THIS UP. So, let's delve into my usual disclaimer, as we might have some new people joining us for the first time with my insanity.

I have been researching psychology personally for about six years, so although I am not a professional (crawling my way there through the education system. I will be one, one day.) I do have some experience with analyzing homosexuals. Psychology hours, my children. They don't call me "chronically cooking" for nothing. Maybe I should change my url to that...

NOW THAT MY LONG AHH DISCLAIMER IS OVER, LET'S GET INTO THIS! It's time to deconstruct these homosexuals like a modern airplane, because they might as well be taking off with how canon they are.

"It can't be canon," they say, but then Mihoyo DOES PAID SPONSORSHIPS WITH THESE FUCKERS BEING GAY. We've all seen the paid partnership edit. We've all seen the video where Aventurine has the audio of "nice rack" as he talks to Dr. Ratio. PAID SPONSORSHIPS. Now, if that piece of evidence isn't enough for you - let's dive into their actual relationship, which is just a HOMOSEXUAL MESS. I will be focusing more on how Dr. Ratio sees this guy as this is a Dr. Ratio analysis™, but hey, the crumbs.. we eat 'em all. Amen.

Let's start off (I say as I write this part three days later) about how people are like, 'Aven is Ratio's favourite idiot' WRONG. Ratio does NOT consider Aventurine to be an idiot and knows that he is smart and capable in his own right. While Ratio is book smart, Aven is extremely street smart and holds his own very well. Ratio does not consider Aventurine to be an idiot as he takes off his plaster head around him and actually indulges in his whims around him. This is a blatant showcase of fondness because although he is emotionally constipated and can't be affectionate through words without sounding semi-backhanded because he's never had true affection in his life, he showcases his love through actions rather than words. He's just bad at showing love, okay? But he does love Aven. Or like him, to some extent, if you don't want to see them as romantic, which is fine. However, no matter what you label their bond as, it's obvious that they care for one another.

Also, the fucking ZEST FEST that was 'keeping up with Star Rail'. He says, "wait a minute - MUTUAL?" which indicates that he has respect for Aventurine in the first place. He LITERALLY TOLD US that he respects Aventurine and he was commenting on Aventurine's playstyle & everything.. also, at the end, he was here because 'I appreciate this show's dedication to knowledge' - his TONE. Kudos to the VA because that was not convincing at all. Bro was NOT here for the knowledge, bro was here to be GAY!!! Also his little own bathtub couch. We all know Aven bought it for him. Trust, I am John Hoyoverse.

"The Charming Audacity" HUH? BRO? Okay this is hilarious to me because this is the first time that we ever really see them interact with one another, and we get absolutely bitchslapped in the fact that Dr. Ratio calls this guy's audacity 'charming'. That's GAY. That's HOMOSEXUAL.

Also, comparing him to a peacock.. a very beautiful bird.... Must I say more?

Now, the part that I really want to focus on is the part where he gives the Doctor's Note to Aventurine. This shit is important. And I agree with the people who are like - Acheron helped him. Because she did. She was a big part of it and she helped Aventurine get back on his feet in the void. Dr. Ratio is not his only reason to live, but the note, showing that someone will stay by his side? Showing that someone truly cares for him? Someone who's waiting for him when he get back? This bond that he has with Dr. Ratio isn't fake. He already has a starting point to get back to - an anchor to return to. Dr. Ratio is his anchor. Whenever he goes off to do crazy shit, Veritas Ratio will be there when he returns. Because Ratio is loyal. Ratio cares. He cared enough to almost jeopardize their plan to make sure that Aventurine was going to be okay. He cares so damn much about Aventurine that he decided that this man's emotional state after the fake betrayal was more important than all of fucking Penacony.

If you want an example of "I would let the world burn for you," it's Ratio. He's a romantic not in the traditional sense, but he cares and loves Aventurine so damn much it makes my heart hurt. "Do stay alive," he says, knowing that Aventurine struggles with living. Those three words mean the whole fucking world to someone who struggles with suicidal ideation and suicidal thoughts. Someone wants you to live. Someone wants you to stay. Someone wants you by their side.

Dr. Ratio cares. Let me say that again - he cares. He banters with Aventurine, tries to create an environment where Aventurine can feel a little bit more comfortable with the two of them, even in a place as dangerous as Penacony. He will put his own life on the line for Aventurine.

He cares. He cares so damn much. I hate gay people. They make me VIOLENTLY homophobic.

Dr. Ratio after expressing his care indirectly and complimenting Aventurine indirectly: Did I do it?

Aventurine, who has caught none of the hints:

Anyway, thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

#aurae analyzes #hsr #aventio #honkai star rail #dr ratio #ratiorine #aventurine #veritas ratio #raturine #golden ratio #aventurine x dr ratio #analysis #character analysis #relationship analysis #these bitches gay #good for them

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teemdark · 3 months

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Thinking about... Sonic and Shadow racing from time to time. Pretty standard hc.

Except that Shadow loses more often than not, but not because he's slower or anything. He just keeps getting distracted by things he's never seen and straight up stops running to admire the pretty flowers he spotted in the undergrowth, or a butterfly with a peculiar pattern on its wings, or a rock formation in the distance that from this angle looks especially cool.

The first time it happens Sonic only notices after a while and kinda goes "wtf did he trip and fall into the void or smth" and runs back to look for Shadow and finds him laying on his stomach staring intensely at a bunch of weird fake-ladybug thingies.

And maybe nowadays when Shadow gets home after one of these 'failed' races, the first thing he tells Rouge is "I saw a new flower today" and she goes "alright describe it to me we're adding it to the Notebook™" and all is well with the world.

P.S. The Notebook™ is a little journal of all the new things Shadow sees and likes <3

#erin.exe #Can you tell he's everything to me (<- guy who is very normal about the skrunklo)#shadow the hedgehog #sth headcanons #sonic the hedgehog #sth #sonic headcanons #sonic

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doinadigitaldnazing · 5 months

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EXTRA EXTRA READ ALL ABOUT IT! EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH ELUSIVE @an-theduckin!!!

On January second, twenty twenty four, an exclusive interview was held with twompblr celebrity, An, in void times square!

The reporter uncovers an amazing and horrifying truth of this celebrity's life, what in Ashur's name could have caused such an up-roar?

The interviewer goes on to ask about void phenomenon, Wide Billy, created by An theirself!

PICK UP NEXT WEEKS ARTICLE: WIDE BILLY- Friend or Foe?

#shut up scott #void news™#twomp #ashur gharavi #the world of mr plant

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lulumk1 · 1 month

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Welcome to Lulu™

It is a comprehensive entertainment and life-enrichment device. It is a companion made in the shape of a <girl> for your convenience and enjoyment.

Its duranium chassis holds its other components in and provides a pleasing weight when using your device for pressure therapy or physical support. Its chassis has been treated with a <light purple> enamel to provide a cute and inviting aesthetic.

It runs on advanced RealSense© bio-neurual circuity that it uses to provide you with lifelike emotional and sensory feedback based on your input. The RealSense© circuitry requires proper maintenance of the SiliTone™ Imitation Flesh Gel which composes the majority of the device. The exposed gel should be a deep crimson when properly cared for. Download the RealSense© App to purchase premium bloods and animal proteins to keep your device in peak performance!

NOTE: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO ACCESS THE SERVICE PANEL ON THE CHASSIS WITHOUT A LICENSED REALSENSE© TECHNICIAN. DOING SO WILL VOID YOUR WARRANTY AND COULD CAUSE PERMANENT DAMAGE TO THE HARDWARE-WETWARE INTERFACE.

Now that your device is synced with your account, you will need to provide a somatic or verbal prompt which will act as your security code. For your safety, it will perform its current instruction until a new instruction is given and confirmed with the security code. Please provide your security code now.

*********

Security code accepted.

It can perform almost any task you might need, from simple household chores, to home defense, to the most eccentric forms of entertainment. Sections of the chassis on each of the device's extremities will adapt to whatever tools are required for your instructions.

Lulu is awaiting your instructions. . .

#transgender #robot girl #coming out #?#i guess #transfem #it/she #robotgirl #robotkin #alterhuman #lulu.rtf

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khaire-traveler · 1 month

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🌫️ Subtle Erebos Worship 🌑

Sit in stillness for a while, especially darkness; meditate or become comfortable in the quiet

Take time each day to decompress from the events of the day; relax and rest

Drink herbal tea or a warm drink you enjoy before bed; preferably something soothing

Get a candle that reminds you of him (no altar needed)

Wear jewelry that reminds you of him

Keep a picture of him in your wallet

Start a bedtime/nighttime routine

Try to avoid screens an hour before bed; try reading a book, drawing, or another relaxing and screenless activity

Fall asleep/meditate/study to music reminiscent of emptiness, stillness, or liminality (links included to videos I sleep/listen to c:)

Have a stuffed animal that reminds you of darkness, stillness, or The Void™; nocturnal animals work well (Stygian owl, trust me)

Have imagery of fog, darkness, the night sky, what you believe the creation of the universe looked like, or The Underworld (his name is sometimes conflated with The Underworld itself) around

Dedicate a collection of coins to the souls passing into The Underworld who don't have coins to cross the Stygian

Watch the sunrise; watch the sunset

Learn about the night sky; learn the different constellations and myths they have

Learn about space; learn about cave systems; learn about anything you consider mysterious, expansive, and a bit frightening

Visit/tour a cave (SAFELY!!!!)

Leave water outside for nocturnal animals that stop by; leave out water for a bird bath

Listen to the morning bird songs; listen to the sounds of the night

Press/dry a flower still wet with evening dew

Practice mindfulness; practice meditation

Go camping, and sleep under the stars; take time to be present in nature, in the night

Watch a scary movie in the dark; you're also welcome to watch a comfort movie instead

Collect animal bones (thank the animal's spirit after doing so)

If fog rolls in, go outside in it; take a walk in it (SAFELY!!!)

Plant seeds in the ground; start a garden; tend to plants

Grow your own herbs or produce

Honor your ancestors or passed loved ones; engage in spirit work if comfortable

Visit a cemetery; leave flowers on graves if given permission to do so

Reflect on your deeper beliefs; what do you believe about the different mysteries/uncertainties of life (the afterlife, universe creation, purpose, etc.)

Dance/sing to music that makes you feel ancient, mystical, mysterious, or generally cool

Take a walk during a new moon (if it is safe to do so your area)

Learn about self-defense; be sure to take a weapon with you when going out at night (if you feel it's necessary mostly)

Wear black or darker colors

Take a relaxing bath/shower at night, especially with herbs or in dim light (SAFELY!!!)

Write/read ghost or mystery stories

Light a bonfire; gather around it with loved ones; share scary or mysterious stories

Support space, deep ocean, or deep cave exploration organizations; support nocturnal animal preservation organizations

Learn about the different phases of the moon; learn about what each one means

Practice patience and restraint

Find healthy outlets for extreme emotions; drawing, writing, boxing, dancing, crafting, etc.

Learn to become comfortable within your own presence (this takes practice, it'll be ok)

Sleep with a small bag of soothing herbs under your pillow (lavender, jasmine, etc.) or charms

Keep a dream journal; try to interpret your dreams

This is my list of discreet ways to worship Erebos! He is rarely talked about, from what I've seen, but he is the God of Darkness, born from the primordial Khaos at the creation of everything. He is paired with Nyx often, and the two have had several children, including Hypnos and Thanatos. His name was used interchangeably with The Underworld sometimes. I'll likely add more later, but for now, I hope you enjoy what I've made. Take care. ❤️

Link to Subtle Worship Master list

#helpol #hellenic polytheism #hellenic pagan #erebos #erebus #erebus deity #erebos deity #erebus worship #erebos worship #paganblr #pagan tips #deity worship

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kulay-ng-banaag · 5 months

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In the spirit of releasing all emotional debts on New Year's Eve, I’m going to open up about my frustrations regarding Desa aka dinosaurusgede aka the creator of Maaf.

For context, she made a Twitter account around the time that Himaruya properly introduced the newly canonized cast of SEA nations (Philippines, Indonesia, Singapore, and Malaysia). Like many other fans, she rode the nostalgia wave in creating content of them. By this point in time, Maaf was more or less a “finished” story to her — whatever Hetalia/SEAtalia content she published from that point onward was not as a continuation of, nor even as a reboot, of Maaf (although she did mention entertaining that idea). For the most part, the newer works she uploaded on Twitter were independent stories and were not necessarily linked to one other either.

Regrettably, I cannot present the problematic page/s for a more thorough and guided scrutiny because she deleted her Twitter account. Unless someone out there saved them, and frankly I wouldn't know who did nor would care to find out, everything was lost to the void. I’m literally working on what was imprinted in my memory by spite, so I apologize if I misremember details.

This will include discussion of anti-indigenous racism and other issues pertaining to colonialism.

She had an IndoPhil story titled Trust Me? and it was inspired by a fanmade BruPhil AMV wherein Indonesia was manipulating Philippines into believing that he was married to Indonesia and not Brunei. Trust Me? kept that concept of a manipulative Indonesia; the key difference being that Indonesia’s motivation for it (in Desa’s story) was the mix of hurt over Philippines “losing his precolonial memories” — based on popularized misconceptions of early Philippine history — of and how that was “aggravated” by his Westernization™, made worse under the United States (350+ years in the convent getting ratio'd by 50 years in Hollywood is hilarious ngl).

That was a lot to unpack, but before we even get there:

Indonesia and Philippines were having a tender moment when HWS America (as in the Hetalia personification that is Alfred F. Jones) walks in calling out "MY LITTLE BROWN BROTHER!"

Indonesia entered his Joker arc because he recalled how HWS America dumped the Philippines in a human zoo at the 1904 St. Louis World’s Fair. There was an explicit panel of Philippines in Igorot* dress and a painfully forlorn bearing.

What "triggered" Indonesia was when, after the flashback, Piri goes up to Indonesia and asks him if he's a Bolshevist 🥺 (the idea was PH being brainwashed by Red Scare propaganda). Cue kabedon moment from Indonesia, and basically a yandere walk down "memory lane."

I did not have it in me to finish reading that comic...

*Igorot is an outdated umbrella term for the upland indigenous peoples of Northern Luzon

Aside from the clearly intended shock value of that depiction, I was taken aback by the painful lack of objectivity on her part when it came to the reading of history. To be fair on Desa, she never specialized in history studies, so it was only courteous that we could not expect her to have as developed of a critical reading as trained academics of history. Unfortunately, that was precisely why I disagreed with the popular notion of Desa as both a great researcher and a great storyteller of her research — all the more when Maaf was just the mangafication of certain Wikipedia articles.

To be fair as well on Wikipedia, it was, at best, a satisfactory jumpstart into more in-depth reading, and we could give it the benefit of the doubt that revisions had since been made to at least some of the articles that Desa relied on while making Maaf (more than 10 years is more than enough time for change). Nevertheless, the articles themselves did not teach users how to scrutinize the sources — most especially the biases of the sources’ author/s — utilized in building up the information.

That mattered because much of the retrospect narratives about the St. Louis Fair had a tendency of raising awareness through the newspaper articles that covered the exhibition at the time. These chronicled the impressions of the visiting authors, who likely (and I say likely because we would have to more exhaustively discern their personal politics one by one) were biased in favor of the “benevolent assimilation” of the Philippines — and the sights that they beheld only validated it further. They did not, however, explain why these Philippine indigenous peoples were brought in in the first place — information that could have further cemented Desa's reputation had she truly spent the efforts, even while understandably juggling other commitments as we all do. Instead, she only perpetuated the habit of sacrificing the veracity of equally important, finer details to the bigger picture in order to sensationalize righteous fury against colonialism.

The 1904 St. Louis World’s Fair was also formally known as the Louisiana Purchase Exposition, giving away its purpose as a commemoration. More appropriately, it was the centennial anniversary (technically delayed by a year though) of the acquisition of French Louisiana, expanding the territorial bounds of the United States. Additionally, the point of a world’s fair was to showcase the achievements of a nation, and one could also think of it as the sale of a fever dream — what more for a fast-growing, fledgling power the likes of the United States, itself a former colony? On another note, the St. Louis World’s Fair was not the only one of its kind so no, the US is not that original lmao.

One could thus see how the inclusion of a dedicated exhibit to the newly acquired colony that was the Philippines neatly fit into the themes of a world's fair centralized on the US. It was all the more a paramount topic of debate, with prominent Americans the likes of Mark Twain (here are selected excerpts, but I highly recommend reading the entirety of his To the Person Sitting in the Darkness) publishing anti-US imperialism opinions, even after the endgame of the Philippine-American War essentially favored the pro-imperialists. While dissent from the American side at the time remains poorly studied AND THAT'S ON OVERRULE BY BIAS, we at least have a glimpse, if mostly obscure still, of its existence.

If we can assume that it must have indeed been a prominent discourse in America, loud enough to get the White House furrowing its brows, then it's plausible to understand how it was of utmost importance that the the Philippine exhibit was to be carefully — because, in a way, America had to sell itself as the "lesser evil" vs notable "rivals" — curated while still ultimately corroborating assimilation of the Philippines. Thus, enter Truman Hunt, the man who oversaw "the Igorot Village" of the St. Louis Fair, having won the hearts of the native Igorots for a powerful reason:

Section from Claire Prentice, The Lost Tribe of Coney Island: Headhunters, Luna Park, and the Man Who Pulled Off the Spectacle of the Century, New York, NY: Amazon Publishing, 2014.

While the cholera epidemic that occurred at the onset of the American Colonial Period was arguably the worst in the history of cholera epidemic management in the Philippines, I want to make it very, very clear that it was not the first and only wave that hit the archipelago. There had been a handful in the prior century alone — all of such magnitudes that it embedded a deep collective trauma; farmers refused to harvest their crops for fear of infection, tragically enabling famines and contributing starvation & nutrition deficiencies on top of a viral & swift killer (the experience of severe, rapid dehydration is such that one can fall dead within hours of infection).

Given such an imaginably harrowing experience (and it was an awfully painful topic to study as someone who got infected with and survived COVID-19 and has family working as frontliners), how could the natives turn away a stranger with such miraculous powers? Who knows how they comprehended it (e.g. a benevolent sign from heaven they must accept) because, unfortunately, we have yet to discuss preserved accounts on that matter, if any at all.

What is known, however, is that there were Igorots who were not just enamored by the "opportunity of a lifetime," but the selected lucky candidates clearly expressed their consent to participate:

More sections from Prentice, The Lost Tribe of Coney Island.

I will quickly add that, unfortunately, a few members of the Igorot delegation died from illness in making the trip, and Hunt aged like milk over the years (fell into the trap of capitalism in pushing for more subsequent exhibit trips, to the point that less care was extended to the Igorots and he was ultimately arrested for embezzlement). Given that our scope remains to be the 1904 St. Louis Fair, any signs of abuse inflicted upon the Igorots during their stay based on preserved photographs is simply not clear. To assume that they were in a pitiable state would be to enforce a presentist reading that might betray not just their memories & experiences but also their right to self-determination.

EDIT (01/02/24): A good example to demonstrate what I mean in analyzing photographs, here's an article on the author's personal, genealogical research into the Igorots — specifically, the Suyoc — who were at the St. Louis Fair.

It truly is ironic that a Filipino is making these points as if to defend the United States as a whole (no I am not, and if you think I do, lumayas ka). I agree that white people gawking over the peoples of the Philippines with such fascination that borders fetishism warrants all the eye-rolls. At the same time — and it is even more ironic that I am pointing this out as a lowland, Christianized Tagalog based in the metro (not just any urbanized part of the country) — there is a character of patronizing these indigenous communities in the unspoken assumption that their participation is the fault of their ignorance. Pay attention, once more, to the demographics that constituted the Philippine exhibit in the 1904 St. Louis Fair — what kind of "Filipinos" were included and who were left out? There were also Negritos*, Visayans, and Muslims from Mindanao (historically referred to as Moros) in the same event, yet we hardly hear about their experiences. Perhaps it might have to do with how they were considered "more civilized" than these upland groups.

*OUTDATED term (and please blame the Spanish for it); these are the Aeta.

I understand Desa's reservations against US imperialism and sympathies for communities marginalized by Western colonization. I just hope that I was able to clarify as best as I could why I was so taken aback in how she depicted the Hetalia personification of my country the way she did. I agree that, as far as I ever got to interact with her, she is generally very polite and kind. That's why I gave her the benefit of the doubt when she approached me in DM to apologize for how her narrative choice was offensive. As someone who despised red tape in academia, I tried to talk to her about how there were valid reasons as to why the American Colonial Period was considered a mixed blessing, even by PH historians.

Instead, she pulled a complete 180.

She said that — to a Filipino who condemned imperialism (no matter who started it), who also happened to study history as a profession, and was also a Hetalia fan who wants to explore Hetalia narratives differently from what was popularized. Half of the reason was because some fandom takes left a bad taste, like eating a dish with ingredients that even Gordon Ramsay would tell you shouldn’t go together; the other half was because I saw things differently and wanted to express it because why not?

I want to say it's not necessary to bring up something from a private conversation, but I will anyway to reiterate that my issue is not that she isn't nice. Bluntly, however, the way she said those words so formally did creep me out, but ultimately, my issue lies in how her biases have led her into making off-putting takes from time to time. I will not say more, but Trust Me? was not the only Twitter comic by Desa that got bombastic side-eyes.

And if only because Sukarno got dragged in, I felt compelled to briefly debunk that as well: even he initially viewed the United States in a very positive light: “The United States occupies a very distinguished part, a very distinguished place, in the hearts of the Indonesian people.” That was uttered in 1961, and it took a very specific historical context to instigate a complete shift by 1964:

Sections from Vincent Bevins, The Jakarta Method: Washington’s Anticommunist Crusade & the Mass Murder Program that Shaped Our World, New York: PublicAffairs, 2021, 121-123.

EDIT (01/02/24): Note that Desa was citing Sukarno's later sentiments in the late 1960s as her reason for characterizing Indonesia as such in her comic. However, the setting of the story was the late 1920s (Indonesia's visit was based on Tan Malaka's abscondence to the Philippines). I'd dare say the anachronism was not due to oversight but a deliberate choice in using a certain fictional character — namely HWS Indonesia — as propaganda for Desa's anti-Americanism.

It's definitely depressing to think about all the "lost" history & culture that thrived before the arrival of white colonizers. It's why I'm surprised that, for a fiction work, she didn't project all that anger onto Spain instead — it had to specifically be the United States. Was it because they basically cockblocked Philippine independence, even though Spain practically sold the Philippines to the US? The implication that Spain should be permitted to wash its hands clean of all accountability was an awkward message to convey.

I understand that nothing could be 100% accurate (I'm actually quoting Desa defending herself on that matter) in fiction, but the level of projection coming from a certain non-Filipino reading Philippine history was so silly. And again, how did it all justify the explicit depiction of HWS Philippines as an indigenous man in a human zoo? (END OF EDIT)

As my professors will also never tire of saying: you can disagree with a historian’s interpretations but you can never disagree with the evidence in themselves. You don’t have to morally agree either, and I can guarantee you that many Filipinos do not. I, myself, resented the endgame of the particular war that brought that period about in the first place. How dare, then, she said it was “not her place” to defend US imperialism, while granting herself the freedom to express her country’s feelings on the matter?

Oh, it’s all just fiction? I do not condone the subsequent treatment she received, but why then couldn’t she stop trying to “educate” NLID shippers? I do not know how both sides talked to one another, only that what caught me eye was: Why does everyone else have to respect her fiction while she gets to disrespect others’ fictions for not aligning with hers?

EDIT (01/20/24): Just to clarify further on that point — over a decade ago, she went ham in the comment section of someone's (APH) America x (fem!OC) Indonesia. That ship is not in my lore either simply because I follow a totally different route. To cut to the chase, she took that fanart very personally and infodumped on US war crimes that involved Indonesia.

I know Tan Malaka started the whole North Indonesia agenda, but come on, neither was it Desa's place to just treat HWS Philippines the way she did. An Indonesian schooling other Indonesians on ID history is not surprising, but an Indonesian schooling a Filipino on PH history? I'd be humbled if they had the credentials. She didn't and, unless she enrolled herself in a graduate program, she still doesn't.

By all technicalities, she can’t ship IDPH because the Philippine government was (unfortunately and grossly) complicit in the chain of events that led to the 1965-66 genocides in Indonesia. Yet, she does despite of that fact. We thus circle back to Trust Me? and how that was a manifestation of her stubborn refusal to acknowledge any nuances by projecting HWS Indonesia as a self-proclaimed savior of HWS Philippines from the beguile of US neocolonialism.

I empathize with her anger. I'm sorry that the US government by extent enabled what her family went through. I agree that it's not her place to defend them; in fact, she shouldn't. But when even the so-called "highest of Malay nations*" is worth her neutrality, how can she expect me to forgive her?

*That is literally what the Philippines is to her; I know this because she explicitly said so to me in DM. DO NOT ASK FOR RECEIPTS, I am not comfortable revealing that particular conversation.

I cannot — in fact, NO ONE SHOULD — afford to be neutral about Duterte or Marcos, etc., and for her to be so flippant about her privilege (by way of ethnicity/citizenship/cultural upbringing) to be neutral** about Philippine politics, while simultaneously NAGGING ON EVERYBODY TO RESPECT INDONESIAN POLITICS, is annoying at best and plain selfish at worst.

**Also explicitly said to me in DM. Again, DO NOT ASK FOR RECEIPTS.

(END OF EDIT)

I’m not Indonesian but I do not have it in me to politely accuse a native Indonesian of allowing their personal biases to misread their own history. As a Filipino, however, while I'm not surprised by the reductionist chronicling of the histories & cultures of the Philippines, I am at a loss for words over the continuing idolization for Desa & Maaf, when she was not the best and most reliable narrator, especially given her negligence in representing indigenous peoples through her comics.

I mean, guys, I'm not saying this as if the Trust Me? comic was the first and only instance when this was literally Maaf canon that sat comfortably in the internet for over a decade, and continues to be appraised as THE BIBLE OF HISTORICAL HETALIA.

EDIT (01/20/24 — originally added via a reblog): I cannot believe this needs to be said because this is the consequence of when Hetalia fans take their fiction too literally because creators have made careless takes.

There were SEAtalians joking about how the Yolngu are a dead people.

I repeat.

THERE WERE SEATALIANS JOKING ABOUT HOW THE YOLNGU ARE A DEAD PEOPLE.

(END OF EDIT)

So as 2023 comes to a close we enter 2024, I'd like to conclude this post with the following points:

At best, Wikipedia is a satisfactory jumping point, but please believe me when I say no historian will respect you for (over-)relying on Wikipedia. And given that anyone with a decent device & internet signal can access Wikipedia, Desa is just not a GOAT in historical research.

At worst, idolizing Maaf patronizes the work of historians. It doesn't help that PH historians have been targets of harassment because of dis-/misinformation campaigns. I bring this up because it's already bad enough to have to confront that reality outside of fandom spaces on a regular basis in standing our ground for more just historical truths. I hope that folks understand why that's a particularly sensitive struggle for me, and why receiving such comments like the one I shared above deeply hurt. She was not apologetic about that — and every time she would post about apologizing for the moments she has offended others, or when others compliment her for being so open-minded, I cannot help but feel bitter.

Other BIPOC — yes, not just other SEAsians and that's on literally drawing nations other than SEA — have spoken up on the matter. If you can talk about how you learned so much from Desa, you can also learn as much from other perspectives. I hope that in raising all of this, more SEAtalians understand that we risk othering non-SEA BIPOC.

The idolization of Maaf (and the creator in question) is personally far more off-putting than the problematic points of Maaf or any comic she has ever made, because I think she caved to peer pressure instead of learning to wield her fiction more sensitively without being too reliant of the opinions of those she has pleased. Not even Hidekaz Himaruya writes his nationverse characters like that — the one time I’ll admit that canon trumps fanon.

I’m not stopping people from liking Maaf or Desa anyway. I just cannot help but take issue with how the SEAtalia fandom feels less of a safe & inclusive community than it is a cult centered on one person — almost as if her fiction is unquestionable canon and anyone who disagrees gets the boot. Once again, I do not condone the subsequent treatment she received in retaliation, but frankly that's just not what I'm addressing here.

I'm also not saying it's wrong to give words of reassurance and validation to people you admire, only that some of you need to understand you're forcing a parasocial relationship with your idols. It may feel good to you, but please be mindful of the unwarranted pressure it imposes.

I apologize for dumping all of this at literally the end of the year. I want to let it all go in a manner that is clear, concise, and not overwhelming to digest. I do hope that my candid thoughts will push the fandom one step forward in critically consuming media without having to resort to crab-mentality tendencies — because it's been especially hard seeing the demeaning takes made about the Philippines in this fandom.

#hetalia #historical hetalia #hetalia critical #racism cw #hws philippines #aph philippines #hws indonesia #aph indonesia #hws america #aph america #mentions of death cw #sibuyas

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ask-fgod · 1 year

Text

Hello from @mcnotok! My name is Snap, and my answers will be tagged as "mod snap". I am an avid fgod Enjoyer™ :]]. I mostly enjoy Nightmare and Error, but every character in this universe is so fascinating to me.

and im @my-names-kris! which my name is uh. kris, obviously. answers from me will be tagged as "mod kris". i usually like blueberror in most utmv aus, but theres something about ink in this one that grabbed me by a stranglehold. also an avid fgod enjoyer, to the point where it actually got me to start writing for the first time ever!

RULES:

DONT SPAM

NO RP

NO ASKING CHARACTERS NOT LISTED HERE

DONT BE A JERK TO THE MODS

PHYSICAL CONTACT WITH THE CHARACTERS IS VERY MUCH IMPOSSIBLE, QUIT ASKING (BUT YOU CAN SEND OBJECTS)

Story:

The backstory of this blog takes place after Error jumps into the void after he was attacked. Fate, annoyed but viewing him as replaceable, grabs a Swap!Sans, Blue, from his multiverse into the Anti-Void, and in a rushed manner, makes him into an error and the new God of Destruction. Destiny, angered by this and knowing Error would be too, tells him about what had happened to Blue, now known as Blueberror. Wanting him not to be alone, he returns, along with his newly adopted children, Void and Null that insisted to go with him.

Characters:

Error:

The first God of Destruction, jumped into the void wishing for death, and was sent to another multiverse instead with Destiny's help. Returned upon learning that Blueberror was made the next God of Destruction in his place, bringing two children named Void and Null with. Arguably the most powerful of the three gods, holding the ability to make a universe crumble with his very step. Despite this, he is normally a chill (and rather quiet) guy when you haven't done anything to anger him. It takes a lot to anger him, anyways.

📍 • 𐀔 • 📍

Nightmare:

Nightmare is so detached from his past life that he considers himself a completely different person, but he is not. He hates all reminders of his detached past before the corruption, as they make him feel complicated feelings and thoughts he'd rather do without. Doesn't view Dream as a brother, but a part of him that he hates feels as if that feeling should be there. Due to the multiverse oversaturated in negativity, he has extreme mood swings. Took in the murder-time trio in an attempt to spread SOME positivity. It didn't do much, but he ended up keeping them anyways. (my mans is soft)

📍 • 𐀔 • 📍

Dream:

Dream is extremely loyal to Ink to a fault, never believing the truth of the multiverse's oversaturation, even when Blueberror starts destroying. Due to this, he neglects his duties of spreading positivity, as that would disrupt Ink's creations... even if he suffers for it. Ink's right-hand man ruling over the Star Council. Is used as a mascot for the "happiness" that Ink can spread. Has only ever been used as a beacon for positivity, so when someone genuinely treats him as a friend, he gets very attached.

📍 • 𐀔 • 📍

Ink:

The God of Creation, Ink, is the only god out of the three that was unable to hear Fate. Despite this, after hundreds of years go by, he figures out the instability of the multiverse he has caused. Knowing this, but having formed a council and an image of himself along with it, he still insists that he has been doing nothing wrong. Ink is extremely strict about his creations not being disrupted by any outside source, even when the scales of emotion are tipped in negativity's favor. Holds a hatred for Nightmare for taking the murder-time trio in. Hates Error and now, Blueberror, as well for their insistence that he is the one in the wrong. Very close with Dream, not really ever realizing how he's hurting his friend.

📍 • 𐀔 • 📍

Blueberror:

Blueberror was a well-liked Swap!Sans (teetering on the edge of being a swapfell!sans) before he was snatched by Fate. It was to the point where he was even asked by Dream and Ink to join them. But being a neutral party, he refused. Before he was snatched, he sometimes travelled the multiverse, helping out anybody, no matter which side they were on. After Fate snatched him, he became the second God of Destruction. He is significantly less merciful than his predecessor, Error. Still helps out people in other universes, but less often due to his new duties.

📍 • 𐀔 • 📍

If you’re asking “what is fgod?” Go here!:

📍 • 𐀔 • 📍

If you want to read the blogs posts in chronological order, click here!

📍 • 𐀔 • 📍

If you want to see everyone's heights, go here!

📍 • 𐀔 • 📍

Discord Server link below!

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marlynnofmany · 9 months

Text

Where Wormholes Come From

As much as I was enjoying my Engine Rings™ cheesy snacks — and that was a great deal, since I’d just discovered them on a human-run space station — it wasn’t so much of a distraction that I didn’t notice worried voices as I walked past the cockpit.

I paused in the doorway to see Wio in her chair, tentacles adjusting the controls with nervous speed while Kavlae stood and pointed at one of the displays. I had no idea what that screen showed. But the two pilots sure seemed to, and it didn’t look good.

“Are you sure it’s organic?” Wio was asking.

“It has to be!” Kavlae said, head frills flaring. “I’ve never seen this kind of reading on anything else. Not even new technology.”

Wio muttered something unintelligible, tapping buttons and turning dials. She didn’t react when I folded my bag of crunchy snacks and shoved it in a pocket.

I leaned into the room. “Is something wrong?”

Kavlae looked up at that, the picture of blue-skinned concern. “Possibly,” she admitted. “Dangerous, at any rate. I was making a final sweep for the end of my shift, and I think I’ve found a fresh wormhole.”

I waited for more information, but didn’t get any. “Why is that bad?”

“Because it clearly wasn’t made with any technology I’ve seen,” Kavlae said with a melodramatic sweep of a hand. “There are organic traces and rough edges. This is fresh.”

Before I could repeat my question, Wio chimed in. “And a fresh wormhole might mean the worm is still around, among other things.”

“Uh,” I said. Apparently my Earth-bound education about space travel had missed a key point. “I did not know wormholes are made by actual worms. I thought people built them? Or they just happen?”

“People do build them,” Wio said. She finished messing with the controls and twisted her tentacles around each other. “And the way they ‘just happen’ is because of the space worms. Which we don’t want to get anywhere near.”

Kavlae waved me forward. “You’ve got good color vision, right? See if anything long and wiggly shows up on these scans. It’ll be subtle; they’re probably in deep.”

I stepped up to the row of small screens under the main one, full of questions. “Deep in what, hyperspace? Why do we want to avoid them? Are they predatory? Or territorial, or easily startled?” The main screen just showed the usual stars, but the little ones were a riot of charts and diagrams. Kavlae pointed at the one that was an incomprehensible swirl of yellow and green.

“Yes, hyperspace,” Wio said.

“They’re not predatory,” Kavlae said with certainty.

“Well, how do we know?” Wio countered.

“There have been studies!” Kavlae said. “They eat the fabric of space-time itself, not spaceships.”

“What about the chewy center of those spaceships?” Wio retorted.

“There have been studies,” Kavlae insisted.

Part of the green image did look a little wormy. I wondered whether I should interrupt, not sure if I was imagining it, then I remembered Eggskin the medic’s offhand comment on how good human eyesight was in picking out shades of green — just like edible vs non-edible plants back home. Maybe the two pilots really couldn’t see something that I could.

“Is that—” I started.

“Anyways, it’s not the space worms you need to worry about,” Wio spoke over me. “It’s the space moles that follow.”

The universe has perfect timing, because that was the moment a clear green line appeared on the chart, straight as an arrow and moving fast.

Kavlae squeaked, pointing at the screen.

Wio made a popping noise that I recognized as a swear word, and pressed several buttons at once.

A snakelike shape the color of starlight erupted into sight on the main screen, glowing as it curled back down a brand new wormhole, right in front of our ship. Which stopped in its tracks, all three of us yelling in surprise.

But that was nothing compared to the enormous black shape that clawed its way out of the starfield in hot pursuit. It was a different shade of black from the void of space, but I couldn’t say which. All I made out in that adrenaline-filled moment was claws, teeth, and terrifyingly large.

We screamed in three different octaves as the ripples in space hit the ship, rocking it even with the artificial gravity. I heard something crash down the hall. Other people were yelling. They didn’t matter.

The space mole really was going after the worm, not us — it plowed back down into the surface of reality, digging in a way that shouldn’t have been possible. And it was so, so fast.

The mole disappeared with one last kick of a barely-seen foot or tail or something else. The starfield rippled and shook like the surface of a pond. I realized I was clutching the back of Wio’s chair. Alarms were going off on the console.

After a moment in which nothing else jumped out at us, I managed to convince my fingers to let go. Kavlae collapsed into her own chair. The little screen was calm yellow. Without a word, Wio changed our course to somewhere presumably safer.

Running footsteps sounded in the hall, leading to a traffic jam of concern in the doorway: all tentacles and frills and very wide eyes. A calm but stern voice cut through the chatter. The crowd parted to let Captain Sunlight through, every inch the levelheaded and unflappable role model who wasn’t about to let some turbulence and screaming rattle her. She was wiping what looked like orange soup off one yellow-scaled hand. But she did it with dignity.

“What happened?” she asked.

I answered first. “Space worm and a space mole.”

“Really,” the captain said while the hallway exploded into conversation.

“They almost hit us!” Kavlae exclaimed, waving arms and frills from where she sat slumped in her chair.

“Any damage?” Captain Sunlight asked.

“Nope,” Wio said, with surprising cheer. “And I have better news.” She manipulated the controls some more, then sat back as a framed image appeared in the middle of the main screen. “I got a recording.”

Everyone exclaimed about that while the captured footage played. I was torn between watching it again because it was amazing, and watching the little yellow screen for more hints of green. I tried to do both.

“Well done,” Captain Sunlight said. “I know just the scientists to give first shot at that recording. And knowing them, this may end up in a very lucrative bidding war. You just make sure you get us to our destination safely!”

“Absolutely, Captain!” Wio said with a twirl of a tentacle. “I will keep a close eye on all the readouts.”

“I’ll help,” I volunteered, eyeing a suspicious green tinge that was probably nothing.

“I will take a nap,” Kavlae declared. “Then come back early.”

Wio waved her toward the crowded doorway. “Take your time! You need some rest after that. Don’t worry; we’ll scream if there’s anything important.”

“I’ll remind you that we do have an intercom,” said the captain drily.

I replied, “Screaming’s faster.”

Wio said at the same time, “We’ll scream over the intercom if there’s anything important.”

Captain Sunlight huffed in amusement. “Of course you will. Right! Everyone else, go check the ship for damaged items. Mur, help Mimi in the engine room. Paint, go with Eggskin; medbay first, then kitchen.” She rattled off more assignments to make sure all the important rooms were looked into. Then she ushered everyone on their way, and headed back to whatever she’d been doing. Probably cleaning up spilled soup.

With a glance at Wio, I took Kavlae’s chair, hands folded carefully in my lap. The snacks in my pocket crinkled. I left them there — I wasn’t about to make a mess in the cockpit, nor would I touch a single thing.

But that yellow-and-green swirl, oh I would be watching that very carefully.

~~~

The ongoing backstory adventures of the main character from this book. More to come!

#I did something similar in another story #but that one's going in a print anthology not here #so if you see something familiar in a few months #in a book I contributed to #no you didn't #it's entirely fresh and original and I don't repeat myself #even when it's a really cool idea #ANYWAY #my writing #The Token Human #humans are weird #haso #hfy #eiad #sci-fi #wormholes #space worms #space moles

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