Hiii can i ask ur thoughts abt damian... lately ive been a little obsessed and u have such a great grasp on dc canon... id love to hear what u think abt him !!!

for damian, a huge part of his motivation is (both real and imagined) disrespect. there’s this pervasive interpretation of him where he’s a swing the sword first, ask questions later kinda guy, but the truth is that he gets provoked, interprets this as someone being condescending, then acts.

tim is kind of an asshole when they first meet, and damian has no context for when he’s joking or not. dick is an adopted child, who threatens damian’s place in the hierarchy. tim put him on a list of people he specifically doesn’t trust, etc. he can definitely be very rude, absolutely, and a lot of that ties into how addresses people (“grayson” to “richard,” as an example, from his surname to his first name as dick earns his trust). he’s very rude to steph, and ironically damian is also very condescending depending on who he’s talking to, but again he has a high opinion of himself and how he should be treated by others. the biggest change is that he learns that others are also owed respect, regardless of their birthright or status.

a lot of this ties into bad faith interpretations of him as a literal feral baby, when that just isn’t reflected in canon at all. he’s talia’s kid, he was raised as literal royalty, and he does not need etiquette lessons from alfred pennyworth. he doesn’t bite people at galas, he doesn’t need help to do his math homework, and he respects u when u prove urself to him. he starts out with a very distinct black and white idea of the world, and slowly learns otherwise.

im a big fan of steph and damian’s friendship in particular, because like dick she exists in opposition to his worldview. she isn’t a wayne or an al ghul, she’s just a person who independently decided to do good. she was also mistrusted to the point where it led to her death, but she is still kind, still loving, and still motivated by empathy. the same as dick being batman, that’s confronting. she looks past what everyone else sees (the al ghul heir, a murderer, etc) and acknowledges that he’s a little kid who’s never learnt to play.

because he’s prickly, it’s easy to misinterpret his intentions. the same as bruce, even when he’s being respectful, people can assume the worst out of him. and that’s hard! he genuinely wants to do good. he has to unpack so much in his head about how to act, and what the idea of respect means in this new context. him being robin is a crucial part of that — it isn’t an insulting mantle as a placeholder for his eventual ascension into the bat, it’s simply something more.

SOUKOKU SEASON 5 ANALYSIS

"Dazai never directly says what he wants. He always gets someone else to say it for him." -Kunikida

Very rarely do we ever see Dazai express genuineness to someone he cares about, ESPECIALLY when it comes to Chuuya. The only time Dazai is genuine with Chuuya (excludding post corruption) was when he postponed the end of the world in order to know if Chuuya wanted to know if he was human or not. So, when Dazai learns about Chuuya's vampirism, it's not out of character for Dazai to show him genuine feelings, since Chuuya wouldn't be conscious.

Except... He knew Chuuya was never a vampire.

So what do these scenes mean?

The genuineness of Dszai's speeches aren't tactically necessary, because he didn't HAVE to act like he cared just to convince Fyodor. Fyodor would have been as convinced if Dazai was also pretendung to see Chuuya as a tool. (Infact, Fyodor might have been more convinced that Dazai was protecting his partner by PRETENDING not to care).

But none of these speeches were for Fyodor. These speeches were too geniune.

Dazai didn't need to have actual flashbacks on their youth just to convince Fyodor. He didn't even have to mention that he and Chuuya, at times, bonded. These lines were unnecessary for their escape.

And then comes the biggest kicker. "Come back to me."

. . .

It's been established that Dazai didn't need to say these things in order for their plan to go well. It also wouldn't make sense that Dazai was saying these things in order to tease Chuuya (He literally reminisced on flashbacks, which Chuuya couldn't know about). The only other option is that he was being sincere.

The issue is, that Dazai never directly says what he wants. "Anything I want gets lost in the end." (Paraphrase)

But based on his actions and speeches, it seems like what Dazai is saying, is that he misses Chuuya.

The line "come back to me" no longer means "come to your senses", but "be apart of my life again."

The sad look he directs at the cieling when thinking about their youth no longer means that he's upset that Chuuya will die, but that he misses what they had.

Other lines like:

"We used to do this all the time." (Helicopter scene) Dazai once more looking back on their past.

"I've spent the past 7 years thinking of ways to kill Chuuya." (He says to Sigma) This line in particular is peculiar because Dazai figured out his weakness ages ago (poison). This just proves that he thinks about Chuuya.

Everything he says is geniune, yes, but has a second meaning to it aswell. Which, again, I highly believe is him saying that he misses Chuuya.

So what is Chuuya's reaction to this? Well, nothing. He treats Dazai the exact same way. Which completely makes sense.

He may be able to figure out Dazai's motives. But when it comes to what Dazai thinks about Chuuya, Chuuya couldn't be more oblivious. This is seen in the 15 arc, where Dazai was manipulating Chuuya to be his dog in the Port Mafia. Later in the dungeon scene when they're 22, Chuuya fell right into Dazai's manipulative trap.

Chuuya's great at picking up ques from Dazai when it comes to fighting an enemy. When Dazai's attention is directed at him, however, he's just as easy to misinterpret Dazai's intentions.

i just want to share my thoughts about akito and Death. because even now—even off the back of an event like burn my soul—people STILL talk about him like he's an explicitly depressed, suicidal character whose every action is cause for concern.

i think the idea that akito is suicidal has been floating around for a very long time. and while it's not entirely without merit (more on this in a bit), it's still a misconception. and it really feels like kashika exacerbated the issue. which is unfortunate! it's sad to see such a beautiful song be misinterpreted like this.

now don't get me wrong! kashika is about death. but two things:

1. kashika may have been written for akito, but it's not just for him. it's also deeply personal to ryo haruka. there are certainly similarities and haruryo undoubtedly understood everything akito felt during the events that led up to the crawl green incident, but i don't think it's entirely fair to equate his very real emotions and struggles to those of a fictional character. he and akito share kashika! you can interpret it through either lens, but trying to do so through both is where things start getting messy

2. whiiiiich leads me to my second point. who decided that the only way to interpret kashika and its themes of death is literally?

i think it's pretty common for people to automatically interpret any themes of death literally—or at least very negatively. we're naturally conditioned to fear death, and then we're taught to fear it even more. it's the change. it's the unknown. it's the very idea of an "end." most people aren't very fond of these things! understandably so. but personally? i think the symbolism that can exist behind death is beautiful.

Death is the 13th card of the major arcana. above all else, it symbolizes change (positive change; it's always, always about what's ultimately best for you). Death tells you it's time to move forward; this part of your life is done. there is more waiting for you—new opportunities, new experiences, a brighter, more fulfilling future—but you must be prepared to let go.

the habits and routines you have now? the mindsets that have kept you alive? your current sense of self? whatever it is, whatever Death is asking for, you have to let it "die." it won't serve you anymore. it will only drag you down. and it might be terrifying and you might not be able to comprehend what lies ahead and you might want to kick and scream and struggle, but you can't cling forever. endings are never easy, and sometimes they hurt like hell, but with each end comes a new beginning.

and yes if you've read burn my soul this should all sound very familiar lol:

looking at death from this perspective, kashika and the entirety of find a way out should read a lot more like akito caught on the cusp of a monumental transformation. suspended between "life" (the old) and "death" (the new) so to speak.

up to this point he's been fueled by spite and desperation. two very intense, very negative emotions—but it's an intensity that worked. everyone else on vivid street had years of musical experience, and he had 0. he needed to catch up and he needed to catch up quickly because it's not like he could put the whole world on pause. he could take his time to learn the basics, sure, but every other vivid street musician would continue improving and growing while he did that. there would always be a gap between him and Them.

unless... he worked harder—WAY harder—than all of them combined.

and maybe that wouldn't do it either. maybe he would be stuck in place forever, always playing catch-up, always struggling to stay afloat, always being left behind. he knew this. and he knew the amount of destruction he'd end up inflicting upon himself if he went down this path. but in his mind, it was okay. it was worth it. because he'd rather die endlessly pursuing what he loves most than live not trying at all.

but in find a way out, when facing off against his old bullies, he starts to realize that he was wrong. he's not just stuck in place. he bridged the gap a long time ago, and he almost didn't even notice. and where he's going now, spite and desperation are the wrong emotions to sing from. he needs to let the unhealthy, extreme mindsets die, but also it's hard to let go of something when you would have given up a long long long LONG time ago without it.

but with time, and enough poking and prodding from ken and luka, he does it. he lets go. he lets the old parts of him die, and he passes on to the next stage of his life.

akito's character arc has always been about growth. improvement. learning. Becoming Better. and not just in a musical sense although Yes That Is A Huge Part Of It. his arc is also about his growth as a person. it's about him becoming more confident, and learning how to be kinder and more patient with both himself and other people. it's about him learning how to let his walls down and let his loved ones in. and to trust that they won't start kicking him to death once they're in there.

it's about him learning to exchange the Spite and Desperation for Passion and Love.

it's about him becoming happier.

which is why it's so fucking startling when people talk about him like he's suicidal and on the verge of a breakdown. like, woah, what?

as i said though, kashika isn't the only source of this misconception and i find more merit in the other sources because they're actual aspects of his character and scenes in the story and not song lyrics that shouldn't have been read so literally in the first place. like, yeah. we've seen a ton of unhealthy behavior out of akito. he's had a very extreme perspective on his place in the world from a super early age, and while the severity frequently gets exaggerated in fanon spaces, the shinonome household isn't exactly sunshine and rainbows.

he's been moody, he's been prickly and abrasive, he's lashed out. he keeps most people at arm's length and builds walls so high not even toya can get through them at first. he had to! he wouldn't have survived if he didn't! like, he was targeted and bullied by a group of adults when he first started singing on vivid street. that is actually a genuinely traumatizing thing to happen to a kid!

so no, i'm not against the idea that akito has experienced depression and suicidal ideation in the past. kinda comes naturally with the territory he ended up in. but that's the key word: past.

i get confused when the idea is dragged into the present. because again! the whole point of his character arc is he's overcome all that PAST adversity! recovery isn't linear but we're not about to see him hit rock bottom any time soon. or ever, actually. you know why? because we've already seen his rock bottom. stray bad dog. that event was his big breakdown moment. that's what opened him up to try to start healing.

we're not getting another stray bad dog. stop expecting another stray bad dog.

he's alright, i promise. he's growing up. he's gotten better. he knows he belongs in vivid bad squad. he knows he's loved. he knows his friends will be there to catch him when he falls. he's always been strong, but now he's even stronger. he's excited for his future, and i think we should be too.

Hi hello how are you today?

I wanted to ask of you some of you're favourite little things about Skull over the years. Been going through a rough patch these last two weeks and I like Skull the best (a thing for big boy monsters lol) and I'd like to know more about him, if that's alright of course

If you cannot, that's alright, really, don't worry about it

Thank you in advance! ^^

I do love my Skullyboy. Here's a few of my personal favourite things/headcanons about him. Though I don't know if it counts as a 'headcanon' if I'm his creator- technically it's just canon, lol

Skull's method of flirting is staring from afar, not talking at all, and hoping someone else introduces the two of you.

I just really love how he looks like this big, frightening monster, huge and threatening and imposing- but underneath it all, he's an easily flustered mess when in love. It's very easy to misinterpret his behaviour as aggression or dismissal, because he tends to clam up and stare when he's overwhelmed by feelings... but he's a huge softie who's just got a scary shell.

Once you learn to interpret his behaviour and speak his language, you realise this is a deeply loving and sensitive monster.

... His other method of flirting is cooking you a meal, then watching you eat it. His food is definitely delicious but it's hard to not eat it when he watches like that. He loves cooking, which is awesome for me personally, because I really don't like cooking lol

Since he really likes hair, not only would he be great at head massages, he'd also be jumping at any chance to give you one. Anytime your head is near him his claws itch to touch you.

If Skull likes you, he likes listening to you. Since he struggles so much with speech, having a 'conversation' can feel like a constant exhausting uphill struggle- he likes when you go on big long rambles, he can just relax, enjoying the sound of your voice and the way your mouth looks when it moves.

big claws and teeth big claws and teeth big claws and teeth big claws and teeth big claws and teeth big claws and teeth big claws and teeth bi

Scary dog privileges. You'll never be scared walking at night. I mean.. you'll never be scared walking anywhere.

Imagine some fuckin idiot breaks into your home- Skull just has to look at them and they'll leave screaming

He's very cuddly and affectionate, and he doesn't disguise how he feels about you. Why would he? The feelings are good, so why would he try to stop them in any way? He's done enough suffering. He might get struck with some shyness, but once he's certain his presence is welcome he always wants to be touching somehow, cuddling and kissing.

He'd be an excellent hiking partner, because as soon as you're tired, he'll gladly carry you the whole way.

Skull will go out & about with you, if you want to, but his favourite place is in bed together and that's always where he'd rather be. He's a homebird. Blankets, plants, TV shows and some pets... that's his ideal life.

i think people have been very deeply misinterpreting mikes character and struggles in s4. his relationship problems with el aren’t about him “trying to be normal” and fearing abnormality, it’s about his codependency and his fears of being alone.

mike wants to be someone’s favorite person. he wants to be someone’s special person. he wants someone to need him, to rely on him, just as he can do the same to them. i see a lot of people say mike needs to learn it’s okay to not be needed because you can still be wanted without being needed, and sometimes that's enough, but i disagree. i don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting to be needed, because that’s what literally all of us want deep down. it’s easy to be wanted by anybody. to be loved by anyone. to be liked by someone. but to have somebody love you so much that they need you in their life, that they need you around, and cannot live easy without the presence and love you give them — that’s a whole different thing. to need each other is a much more intense and raw form of love. when mike tells will so many times that he “keeps telling himself el still needs him,” but he “doesn’t believe it” that he thinks they really might not come back from this fight, will tries to reassure him and say, no, of course she needs you. how could she not? but will is misreading els feelings for mike, when the truth is, mike is right. she doesn’t need him anymore. not in the way she used to or the way he wants her to. and that’s a soul crushing thing for anyone; to realize the person that made you feel like you had a purpose, that looked at you like you were something so special, that made you feel larger than life — doesn’t feel that way anymore.

the thing about mike is he doesn’t know how to live for himself, he doesn’t want to. he lives and shines when he has someone to love with his whole being, and to lose something like that is worse than dying. mike is so codependent on el because he so desperately does not want to lose her, does not want to lose himself through the process of losing her, he is terrified of her not needing him anymore because if he isn’t needed then who is he? where is he supposed to go? so he projects onto el and desperately wants to believe that el needs him the way he needs her. but she doesn’t.

mike doesn’t realize will is that special person for him, he doesn’t realize will is the one that needs him the way he wants to be needed and desired. that will cannot live easily without mike in his life, just like how mike couldn’t live easily without will and el in his. and el and mikes relationship isn’t toxic, or fake, either. el loves mike, she always has. but she doesn’t really need him the way he does. and mike needs el, but does he love her the way she does?

i just think people have been missing the point. mikes feelings and actions make sense when you consider everything he’s bottling up and worrying about inside. it’s hard to read how he feels when he hides everything but what he wants more than anything else is to belong, to be loved and needed so unconditionally, to have that special relationship with someone. he’s deeply insecure of himself and always worrying he isn’t enough, he craves reassurance, he tries so hard to be enough and hide from his fears of being alone or rejected that he fucks everything up. mike doesn’t even have all his feelings and emotions figured out for himself — so of course it’d be hard for us to understand them too.

thinking about joongdok in the early chapters......

rereading the orv novel and seeing things from yjhs perspective is so. augh. the first time you read it its soooo easy to trust kdjs perspective when he reads yjhs mind. his skill even tells him! "your understanding of this character is very high" surely hes interpreting him correctly :) then you read it again and realize how much kdj is filling in the gaps...... he expects yjh to be more callous, more jaded, more hardened than he actually is. hes been through 1863 regressions with yjh but this yjh is still only on the 3rd. and of course kdj learns this lesson himself much later on, but hes been misinterpreting yjh from the very beginning. hes just very good at justifying it.

this scene for example. (i am talking about the novel btw i just have. way more webtoon screenshots on hand. you understand.) kdj thinks it would be out of character for yjh to consider him an actual companion, so he rationalizes it. but once youre able to take yourself out of kdjs perspective, its really obvious by this point that yjh considers them companions??

he tested him with the sea monster (and waited by the river for 3 days for him to emerge, btw), and then again with the monsters in chungmuro. yes, he thinks about killing kdj quite a lot (out of caution) but its not like he ever follows through on it (something yjh from a later regression would be much less hesitant about). i havent gotten very far with my latest reread, but from memory - when hes paralyzed by poison he specifically asks for kdj. they fight side by side on several occasions, and specifically, kdj saves yjhs life multiple times. yjh criticizes him fairly often, but hes not needlessly cruel - just blunt. pointing out his flaws so he can work on them (and to keep him humble, lets be real). and of course, he desperately tries to save kdj when he gets blasted by 41!sys, and then flies into a mindless rage when kdj dies in his arms.

yeah, yjh isnt exactly upfront about his feelings, hes often off doing his own thing, and he gets PISSED when kdj manipulates him into doing his bidding (which happens fairly often in the early chapters) (he just wants you to communicate with him, damnit!) but like. its very very clear if you know where to look. and kdj DOESNT. but he thinks he does!!! augh i cant wait to get to the scene where they reintroduce themselves....... especially since its not like yjh knows kdj any better - he still thinks hes a prophet! there are so many levels of miscommunication going on here, but the important thing is. they care about each other. thats always what it comes down to, isnt it? they love each other. they want the best for each other. they would do anything to save each other. aughhhh orv.....

Ok but the real question is how would Kaveh and Ratio interact, because while Ratio is very similar to Alhaitham, they do have some notible differences.

Like he does seem to be more altruistic than Ahaitham in a sense (like his main goal is to help people learn, while haitham's is to just lead a simple life), also Ratio seems to have more appreciation for arts (at least I think) and I can see Kaveh getting alone with with him in that sense.

On the other hand I can also see Kaveh just not vibing with his personality or his methods. Either way i feel like a conversation between the two would be interesting to watch... even if theres a good chance I wouldn't understand half of what they're saying

(Aslo there's a good chance i got some of Dr. Ratio's characterization wrong, haven't exactly had the same amount of time to dissecte his character as we have with Kaveh & Alhaitham, so I could have missed something or misinterpreted it)

dr ratio shares some similarities to haitham regarding some traits (extremely intelligent, self centered, confident, a buff scholar etc) but is different. he gets angry or aggressive often when faced with ignorance or smth he regards as stupid; the most emotion (not counting azar scene) i heard of haitham being slightly pissy is the one time in aaru village when he told dehya to stop yelling AHHAHA (i just love how he says it, hes so cute ugh)

ratio detests ignorance and stupidity but not bc he thinks of himself as smth better but bc he sees those as illnesses dulling ppls minds and he wants to cure it by sharing his knowledge with the universe.

haitham and ratio both want ppl to use their brains yes, but haitham doesnt rlly care about educating ppl (in fact he doesnt rlly care about anything unless it directly affects him, seeing that he doesnt even bother correcting ppls mistakes or false claims unless it will trouble him. this is just connected to his philosophy tho, prioritizing/taking care of himself first, not meddling and believing that it would cause much less problems in general and lead to simpler lives if everyone else would do the same. its not that he doesnt care bc he hates ppl. hes asocial, not antisocial)

so yes, while haitham doesnt care about ppl and their intellectual level (yall remember how he picked books that are easy and interesting for paimon to read in his last birthday mail? my heart still gets warm aaa) ratio detests "stupidity" (not ppl or "stupid ppl") as he regards it as a disease; so much so that he wears that mask so he doesnt have to look at it. hes a professor wanting to educate ppl like a doctor wanting to cure an illness. he believes that intellect and creativity isnt smth only geniuses have but for everyone and everyone can reach higher intellectual levels if they educate themselves enough and learn how to use their brains, if they lose their ignorance.

this is the impression i got tho with the bits we have!! ofc i can be wrong with what i think.

anw ratios philosophy/goals are grander than haithams; it certainly isnt bc ratios such a good man who wants to educate the universe tho (i just know hes a mean prof u dont wanna disappoint), its just bc he wants to get rid of that which he regards as illness. i think its more egoistical reasons there, bro doesnt want to taint his eyes any more or smth

anw i think esp with the line about him believing that "intellect and creativity isnt confined to geniuses", and the appreciation for good arts, him and kaveh meeting would be very interesting. also they get angered so fast its funny

Felurian and Consent

content warning for discussions of sexual assault and rape

It had been a while since I have written a meta post for kkc but I just reread Wise Man's Fear and made myself read the Felurian scenes in their entirety.

And wow, am I mad at myself.

I cannot believe I let myself forget the way Kvothe clearly states Felurian breaching consent. The Felurian scene have always been upsetting to me, they never felt consensual, and many interpretations of the book had me thinking that maybe this was just me or just a very small section of the scenes.

But no. Kvothe initially gives consent to Felurian (well, arguably but thats a discussion for another time). He chooses to leave his companions to be with Felurian. And then he wants to leave. when he tells her he wants to leave, this happens: "My mind went numb as quickly as if I'd been struck a blow to the back of my head. . . I felt the need to have her. . .Only because of my Arcane training did I hold onto any concept of my own identity at all." (639)

He has revoked his consent and she had denied him the power to leave. She does not allow him to leave. Kvothe is an object to Felurian. If this is not clear enough in the abuse of power Felurian has, Kvothe then goes on to say he feels as he did when he was in Tarbean and sexually assaulted. "She touched my cheek softly. Softly, I bent to kiss her, and something broke in my mind. I felt the snap as four years of my life slid away. Suddenly I was back on the streets of Tarbean. Three boys bigger than me. . . had dragged me from the broken crate where I'd been sleeping. . . Two of them held me down. The third cut my clothes off my body." (641) Kvothe then describes that he was able to escape but still traumatized from the event. And that his state of mind was similar to how he felt when he was with Felurian. This wakes his sleeping mind, where he finds Felurian's name and finally has the power to leave, but hesitates because he doesn't want to kill her.

Kvothe does not have her name or the wind's name at his beck and call after this moment and persuades Felurian into letting him go by promising to make her famous in his song. He does not have consent to leave at any moment. And while she does show him kindness at moments, she is holding him against his will for most of his time with her.

Yes, he enjoys part of his time with her. Yes, he learns from her. But that does not negate the lack of consent involved with the entire interaction that often goes unnoticed in the fandom. And it would be easy to say an entire relationship was horrible and toxic but instead we see the push and pull of how toxic relationships can have caring moments while still revoking consent. However, the lack of attention people pay to Felurian as an absuer and rapist and how Kvothe is written off as simply "wanting fairy sex" when he literally is not in his right mind when he runs off and then has his ability to leave revoked by Felurian.

My conclusion, I suppose, is to stop writing off the Felurian scenes as frivolous sex scenes and acknowledging the lack of consent that is explicitly addressed and then the underlying threat to Kvothe's safety that persists from Felurian throughout the scenes.

I also suppose the issue of interpretation has many conflicting factors. For example, our patriarchal society doesn't like to view men as victims of sexual assault and women as perpetrators of sexual assault, which is also reflected in Kvothe's world as well, as when he tells the story, men are mostly excited on his behalf and women are rolling their eyes at his story. I think Kvothe's attitude towards it also reflects this. And this is why I think a lot of people misinterpret this scene.

I am interested to hear other people’s thoughts as I am still processing how these scenes were written and interpreted, both by the characters in the book and by fans.

i've touched on this before but like . i really do think rowan's feelings get accidentally overlooked by readers that ,,, Aren't a bit obsessed and rereading for the nth time

and it's understandable because the version we primarily get of rowan is fereshteh's warped fanon & jimmy's longtime best friend mental illness riddled descriptions . and Because jimmy is unwell he almost idolises rowan in a way that holds him up as a pillar of stability and permanence — which is what jimmy needs and it's not a wholly negative thing, but he also inadvertently fails to accept any evidence to the contrary

whereas with lister we Learn a lot because jimmy is learning a lot — through deeper-than-usual conversations or blatant cries for help or very revealing behaviours — we don't get to discover anything new about rowan, and so when he's kinda mean or angry or distrusting it's easy to misinterpret that as him being deliberately and needlessly nasty

but if you stop looking at him through jimmy's lens, that boy has had an absolute bastard of a week . the jowan photo leak affects him as much as jimmy (arguably more so, because all the while he's dating bliss, jowan is an Active Lie rather than just an untruth), he's dealing with the same contract stress, his secret relationship has been exposed to the world, his girlfriend is ignoring him at a really difficult time, he's watching his two closest friends fall apart, he's learning that he really doesn't know one of them very well at all, his best friend is missing, the other is definitely an alcoholic making no moves to resolve that, his girlfriend has dumped him, he feels like they (and bliss) are being stalked by a member of a group he already feels like he isn't safe around, he feels like he's losing the two people closest to him

and all this time he's considering himself wholly and singlehandedly responsible for fixing all of this, feeling he has to hold himself and the world together . there's no real safe space for him to unload any of this because the three people he's closest to are either dumping him or going off the rails, and the only way he's ever known how to make himself comfortable is to have complete control over a situation, which just Is Not available to him here

it's not the fault of jimmy's narration that we never get to truly sit with the extent of what's going on with rowan, and in fact it really Really adds to the themes of being unable to truly know somebody and personal perception destroying objective truth

but GOD it breaks my heart to see people say they don't care for rowan, or don't like him, because he's snappy and sweary and short with people . because that's such a natural response to having that much shit piled on top of you in under a week AND losing your only coping mechanism (in this case, taking the weight of everything and moulding it into something tangible and possible to hold)

anyway. i am a rowan omondi stan first and a human being second and WOW rowan needs therapy and jimmy needs to stop idealising him

imo i don't feel like we should be using a scene of sexual harrassment to determine whether a character is pretty; the level of objectification & entitlement strange men display towards cam and nona in ntn is actually really scary

absolutely agree and i also acknowledge that part of why that scene gets (imho) misinterpreted is because nona herself recalls that moment as proof that shes pretty. more specifically, because he called her pretty, not because he wanted to have sex with her. she at that moment is fairly unbothered by the fact this man wants to have sex with her, so its easy for the reader to also feel unbothered by it.

but also, i think that nona's responses to sex and sexual advances are not always the same throughout the text. the moment in question is towards the beginning of the novel and takes place "after Nona could talk, but before she started making herself a useful member of society". But later, nona says she doesn't like it when cam wears the sunglasses because it make her look like the hired guns that whistle at her and camilla. In a scene between crown and nona:

“Maybe you could be the one to melt her icy heart. You’re cute... on your best days, adorable. But I’m not sure you’re her type.” Nona flushed. Suddenly being treated as an adult made her feel out of her depth, like when a wave knocked her off a sandbar and her feet went out from beneath her. She didn’t know what to say or how to act, and floundered toward the shallows: “She’s not your type either,” she said.

Plus, towards the end (once nona learns what the word 'pimp' means), she gets actively annoyed whenever honesty calls pyrrha a pimp.

Anyway! this was a long-winded answer to a very straightforward ask. tl;dr, I think sometimes folks take nona's neutral reaction to that sexual advance as proof everything was perfectly safe which doesn't acknowledge the real danger in that moment, and that nonas perception and understanding of the world around her continues to evolve over the course of the novel.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what a Hazel and Jason friendship would look like.

Hazel tentatively reaching out after finally understanding that Jason isn’t everything she built him up to be in her head, influenced both by Nico and by what she actually observed of Jason herself

Jason assumes she just wants tips on leadership or maybe how to fight better, so he obliged by offering to train with her

Hazel expects Jason to go easy on her like Percy and Annabeth and Piper do, but instead she gets taken down within a few minutes and has Jason ruthlessly pointing out what things she could improve on.

(Cue: Hazel finally having an opponent who doesn’t underestimate her. Hazel who finally feels like she has somebody she can spar against who will help and not just let her win because she’s young and small. Hazel who finally gets why Nico spends so much time talking about how kind and helpful Jason is, even if what she’s seeing isn’t necessarily kind.)

Jason starts hanging out with Hazel outside of sparring but in other groups, like with Piper, or Nico. He learns that she loves dancing and horses and likes to test the hardness of a stone against her fingernails, likes to collect shiny non-precious things just like Nico does, likes to swear loudly whenever possible as if she’s doing it to purposely piss people off.

Hazel asks Jason if he wants to go hang out one day after the Argo quest is over, maybe go to some museum in NYC that she’s heard Percy talk about, or find metaphysical shops to walk through (I HC that Hazel really loves modern mortal interpretations of magic and that she’s fascinated by the ways mortals accidentally connect to the gods etc.) and Jason assumes she means with someone else and agrees, only to find out they’re going alone.

Jason panicking for a moment about potential misinterpretations, once he realizes, and stammering out some garbled thing about how he really likes her but not like that because ofc all he’s known so far is that being alone with a girl = someone will assume romantic intent. Hazel openly laughs in his face and rather boldly states that she KNOWS Jason is in love with her brother.

Hazel, eventually, being the first person Jason feels safe coming out to. Jason, in return, being the first person Hazel feels safe to talk about being asexual with. The two of them discussing their feelings more and more often while exploring new places together, like Hazel talking about how she did so much researching into queer history and labels when she first found out Nico is gay, Jason telling her that he still doesn’t feel like Thalia is his sister as if he might not be the same Jason Grace she remembers, the two of them coming to terms with being on the aromantic spectrum together.

Jason talking Hazel out of joining the Hunters when she’s having a very very bad day. Hazel stopping Jason from disappearing back out into the mortal world to finish school without first giving his other friends a chance to have input.

(Hazel and Jason inadvertently saving each other’s lives by tweaking fate, thus making their friendship literally woven into their lives forever indisputably. Hades/Pluto patting Jason on the back and telling him thank you with no context or clarification the next time they meet. Hera/Juno, tight lipped and silent, offering Hazel some kind of gift or blessing the next time she returns to New Rome. Hazel and Jason laughing it off when they tell each other because wow, their godly parents are weird as hell.)

Hello..... may I ask for more Horropedia romantic headcanons about his love languages in recieving and giving? 👉👈 I really like your Pavia headcanons about it. If it's too much, then may I ask for just Horropedia's love language in receiving? This man has been haunting me in my mind for a long time and I starve for more stuff about him. Thank you very much! 💖💖

;R1999 HORROPEDIA - Love Languages (receiving)

Headcanons and analysis on Horropedia's love languages and the way he likes to receive attention.

I miss doing love language stuff, so ty for the request! it's only receiving stuff for this post since it might've gotten too long if I did both, but feel free to drop by again!

This one is a little tricky for me! I know I have a lot to say about the way Horropedia shows affection, but when it comes to the way he likes to receive affection, I don't think I have a super solid grasp?

When it comes to love as a general feeling, I know that Horropedia isn't used to it. It's not due to a lack of receiving it, that's for sure. Horropedia knows how love is supposed to feel thanks to the loving grandfather that raised him - but genuine affection, whether platonic or romantic, and acts of kindness are extremely hard to come by in an environment as sterile and harsh as the Foundation. At worst, they come with an invisible compromise.

This, mixed with the fact that people tend to avoid him, has certainly led Horropedia not to expect anything when it comes to love as a concept. "It's not his genre", he says.

In the context of giving, it's easy for him to adapt to it because he just has to figure out the rules - the things he's comfortable with doing that feel good for you, the deal breakers, the clichés and so on and so forth, but when it comes to receiving? Horropedia is a little lost, almost like he's used to experiencing things as an outsider and a observer, rather than an active participant. It's especially difficult if the things that he wants are considered non-conventional, outside of the traditional scope of romance. Or if his partner misunderstands his eagerness to learn and the ways he engages with these new feelings as disinterest or aloofness.

Like I said in that previous post about Horropedia's relationship headcanons, it's easy to misinterpret him and his actions if they're only read at a surface level, and through the lenses of conventional displays of love. Him putting the effort into understanding the rules of romance, to figure out everything there is to know about love and the nuance of this relationship he's in... That's exactly how he shows his affections.

But once again, what happens when it comes to Horropedia receiving love and affection? He likes when you're with him, but is that enough? Is there something deeper? Something he's missing?

I think it would be very cute if he tried to figure out which love languages he likes to receive, only to find out the answers were pretty obvious the whole time, much like the formula for every romcom out there.

Receiving: Quality Time, Words of Affirmation

[Quality Time]

Out of everyone I've written about so far in this blog, Horropedia would love quality time in it's purest form the most - getting to spend time with you all alone, focusing only on each other to catch up and bond sounds heavenly to him. The activity is the least of his concerns, he'd rather much focus on the fact that someone is going out of their way to make time for him, that they genuinely want him around and care about what he has to say.

Okay, bear with me for a moment. I like to think Horropedia is particular about his space and belongings, I definitely mentioned this a few times already throughout my posts, partially because of how cautious he had to be to keep the Foundation from taking away everything that made him feel safe and happy while growing up. And also because he's just wired like that, no other deep reasoning behind it. But once he grows comfortable, this sort of "stingy" and perhaps avoidant behaviour disappears almost entirely, because that's when he becomes eager to share his life in its entirety with those he cherishes.

The process of indulging in quality time with Horropedia, whether he's the one initiating or receiving, is actually just a very slow process of being welcomed into his life.

It starts very systematic and organized, I'd say - he would prefer to set up certain dates and times to hang out. For example, Sundays are special because they're the day you come around to hang out with him, so he can't have any other plans on Sundays and he'll certainly spend part of the week just anticipating this special day. But as he grows more comfortable, he would insist that you simply show up to his work station or room whenever you feel like it. That counts as quality time, right? You two are spending time together. Easy.

And this goes on and on, to the point where you're glued by the hip and that initial barrier is gone entirely - similar to Pavia, Horropedia would insist that you have permission to just wak into the places he considers a "safe space" from the world that keeps giving him weird looks or continues to chastise him for not adhering to the model of a Foundation member. He loves whenever you invite yourself to his movie marathons, when you just tag along to keep him company, or when you invite him to fun getaways, etc etc.

I know I said that Horropedia would enjoy quality time in the purest of its forms at the beginning of this entire section, but now I'm talking about how Horropedia considers quality time to every single second he spends with you. I have nothing to defend myself, so I'll just attribute that to his themes of redirection <3

[Words of Affirmation]

Horropedia likes when people are clear about their intentions and feelings the same way he is. Words of affirmation, to him, is intrinsically linked with understanding and transparent communication. Those are the things Horropedia seeks.

I think that questions are the easiest way to show this sort of love language to him. Yes, Horropedia would prefer to hear why you dislike a movie that he likes rather than hear you mindlessly praise it just to avoid upsetting him, he would rather be told that he's done a good job in his research, and all - but directly asking him for his thoughts and opinions, asking him to clarify or explain something in more detail... It makes Horropedia feel seen, finally heard, he's given the chance to unleash all of his intellect while knowing that someone is truly paying attention to him. You went out of our way to ask him, when you could've asked anyone else.

Not to say that compliments, declarations of love and sweet nothings are useless or unwanted! I do think that Horropedia is the type of guy who would love to be hyped up by his friends and loved ones, to have others tell him he's done a good job even if he already knows that, to have his partner tell him that they love him, even if he focuses more on actions rather than words. But it has to come hand in hand with that direct honesty, lest it come across as insincere or some back-handed comment.

I'm gonna go on another tangent here!

We've all talked about neurodivergency and Horropedia at some point or another, the idea of Horropedia masking is not strange or new at all. Him being aware of these invisible rules of conduct that others expect him to live up to exist out there, while also being unable to follow them or notice them right away at times - it's just the contradictory lifestyle us neurodivergent people have to lead.

I like to think that Horropedia has grown to be wary and cautious of acts of kindness around the Foundation staff because it's not something that he associates with a group like them. So being complimented out of the blue can give him pause. Something as small as telling him that his hair looks nice today, or that someone likes his clips and hair ties. Horropedia knows he must be on the look out for these double-edged words and back-handed compliments. Just look at the way other kids treated Vertin when they were all so young.

And yet, he feels so very happy and giddy when someone he trusts, who has proven that they're honest, gives him any sort of positive affirmations. Because he knows that these people mean what they say and say what they mean, as opposed to everyone else. This is when simple compliments can go a long way with him!

UEUEUEUEUEUEU ILL SEND YOU THIS WHILE WAITING TO SEE BOBBYS STATUS.

Dw idm u answering publicly, I want everyone to be cursed w the thought that Rubius is a babygirl and a very bad one at that <3

Honestly I've only read a few explanations of their lore and bits about their relationship but they seem sooooo,,, /pos. Like they have such a fun and silly dynamic that has this air of toxicity and their loves feels quite self destructive bc rubius is kind of a destructive force of nature of a person who has a tendency to hurt those around him, perhaps as a defense mechanism or perhaps out of simply not understanding there are consequences to the things he does while vegetta is someone far too forgiving, he continues to love rubius despite how much he hurts himself, others, and vegetta himself. I'm not saying cubito rubius is an awful person but from what I've seen he is,,, complex. Difficult despite seeming silly. I could be just completely wrong tho LOL I am doin my best I prommy

ANYWAYS IM CHEERING U ON IN WRITING!!! I'd love to talk to u abt them more and learn more abt rubegetta bc like. Look. Theres no way q!vegetta isnt hung up on that demon idc,,,

I'm likewise waiting for the Eggstatistics (which will probably get posted while I'm in the middle of writing this) (EDIT: IT DID) and you gave me the opportunity to infodump so prepare for an essay LMAO

There are SO many layers to Rubius and Vegetta’s relationship (both romantic and friendship-wise), and that complexity makes them fascinating characters to study. I’ve been discussing this a lot in private lately, but I feel like there’s quite a bit of misinformation / misinterpretations of Rubius and Vegetta’s relationship amongst some of the newer fans who might not know some key components of their personality and their relationship dynamic as a whole (which is understandable since the majority of their lore came from Karmaland, and a lot of newer fans only speak English / only watch QSMP), so ALLOW ME TO ELABORATE:

I think of the two, Rubius definitely gets mischaracterized the most (which, again, maybe isn't too surprising since not everyone watched Karmaland and he hasn't been on the QSMP server too much lately). I could go off on a tangent here and list my frustrations about the people who harassed him for his role / his actions during the Egg event / whining about ships to the point where he decided not to log into the server again ‘til the Egg event is over, but that's ultimately irrelevant to this discussion.

“Their love feels quite self-destructive” is a really good way to sum things up, because Rubius is a pretty self-destructive man. Rubius is, fundamentally, a man who is full of love for the people he cares about, but those feelings are in direct conflict with his reluctance to let people get close to him (and his commitment issues). He can freely give hugs and kisses (and more) to Vegetta, but when it comes to expressing his true thoughts and feelings, he’s pretty emotionally constipated. We’ve already seen this a few times on the QSMP server – when Rubius visits on Vegetta’s birthday, he sings him the most beautiful heartfelt love song ever, but as soon as it’s over and Vegetta tries to talk to him, Rubius runs away. Even in Karmaland V, when hooked up to a lie detector and asked about his feelings for Vegetta, Rubius tried to wiggle his way out of answering. Only when the world was literally ending and they all thought they were gonna die did Rubius finally admit his feelings, shouting his confession and his love for Vegetta at the top of his lungs.

(The real tragedy here is that it was so chaotic with everyone shouting, Vegetta never heard his words…)

Although it’s easy to slap the label “toxic” on Rubius, I think that’s unfair to him and his character, as well as his intentions. He truly does love Vegetta with all his heart, in every universe, and he doesn’t want to hurt him, but Rubius doesn’t want to get hurt either. The Meteor shower conversation gives us a clear understanding of that:

Rubius: I don't want to get hurt. I don't want to get my hopes up, and then get hurt. It's happened to me many times before. Especially here in Karmaland. Vegetta: Have you had lovesickness? Rubius: Yes. In Karmaland, everywhere, in real life... I'm already used to getting beaten. Vegetta: That's a pity... Rubius: I just want someone to take care of me, and that's it. I don't ask for much. Vegetta: I'm very protective.

The way I see it, Rubius is afraid of his feelings for Vegetta, because the larger his love grows, the larger that potential for hurt and disappointment gets. Does this excuse all his actions? No, of course not, however there’s a big difference between doing something out of self-preservation (possibly as a trauma-response, depending on how you interpret his character) and doing something with the intent to hurt someone.

IMO, Rubius isn’t a toxic guy, he just needs therapy.

Vegetta doesn’t get mischaracterized quite as often, though I do feel like people have a tendency to put him on a pedestal and minimize the flaws he has. I’m a massive Vegetta fan, but this guy’s far from perfect. He’s self-centered, borderline narcissistic sometimes, and he’s a very prideful man. He’s never left Rubius at the altar, but he’s still had his fair share of “oopsies” and "yikes" in their relationship. One (which I’m surprised people don’t talk about more) is an incident from Karmaland IV where Vegetta, very unhinged and mentally unstable at the time, kidnapped Rubius’ wife Nieves and threatened her with a sword, saying, “If Rubius can’t be mine, he can’t be anyone’s.”

For the longest time I genuinely thought that line came from a fanfic or something, then I stumbled upon the clip one day and I was just like:

Anyways

In Karmaland V, Rubius became very close with a little alien child named Titi. He took care of Titi like he was his own son, and despite his attempts at emotionally distancing himself early on so he wouldn’t get attached, Rubius wound up caring a lot for him.

Then Titi died.

It was basically Rubius’ worst nightmare come to life – he’d let himself get close to Titi, he’d loved him unconditionally and let Titi into his heart, and Titi’s death utterly destroyed him. Everyone in Karmaland was affected by the death, but Rubius took it especially hard because of how close they were. Rubius was hurting badly and resorting to terrible coping strategies to deal with the pain, and Vegetta…

Well. Vegetta wasn’t very nice about it.

There are a lot of ways we could interpret Vegetta’s actions and words during this time – maybe he’s not super sensitive when talking about death since he’s probably some kind of demigod, maybe he speedran the grieving process, maybe he thought brutal honesty and direct action would help Rubius “snap out of it” sooner. However you see it, ultimately it did a lot more harm than good for Rubius’ overall mental health.

I bring these examples up not to paint their relationship as toxic or negative, but rather to express just how complex it is. Because, despite all their mistakes and drama and heartbreak, at the end of the day, Rubius and Vegetta still love each other more than anything else. Even towards the end of Karmaland V when they were quite literally on opposite sides of the battlefield (one supporting Quackity, the other supporting Luzu), their true loyalties lay with one another. When Rubius was hit by an enemy, Vegetta defended him with his life, and when Vegetta was hurt, Rubius did the same.

Yes, Rubius doesn't really know how to handle healthy relationships, and yes, Vegetta tends to forgive him too easily, but that doesn't erase the love they have. The key we need to remember here is that Rubegetta is a telenovela that sits squarely in the romcom category. They may wander into other genres and tropes from time to time, but they will always gravitate back to one another. Whether you define that as fate or soulmates or just sheer dumb luck, the facts remain and the love is there.

PHEW anyways that felt good to get out, I have so many thoughts on Rubegetta so I appreciate the excuse to rant. I'm always happy to chat about these two! :D And you're so right - Vegetta is so smitten for that demon, I hope he gets to meet the angel too. I hope Rubius comes back soon so Vegetta can see his Osito Fiu Fiu, but in the meantime, we'll have to keep wishing and praying just like Vegetta...

(ALSO THANK YOU the current chapter of that dang Rubegetta fic is kicking my butt rn because it's the only chapter I didn't outline and life events keep interrupting me when I try and work on it, but it IS getting chipped away at bit by bit! I hope folks enjoy the outcome when it's released :D)

“how do you talk to star?” - title from the song of the same name by everybody’s worried about owen (since it’s back up, ao3 link is here!) characters: jimmy (mainly)/tango cw: none unless you consider the insane amount of introspective themes throughout this thing. so! little note! guess who wrote something new and finished it. for the first time in months. it is short, i am rusty, and i DEFINITELY wouldn’t say it’s my best work but i like the concept a lot and churned this short and sweet little introspective fic last night in a writing haze! i missed four calls from my family members help.

It is based on this prompt list, specifically number 7. :) hope you all enjoy this super short, ramble-y, jimmy is very much pining one-shot! ~

Jimmy has learned it takes nothing. Barely a glance, he has found, for all of the sediment—that he thought was long stationary—to be kicked up again, to clog every artery and leave him struggling to breathe.  His conundrum lies in the side profile of Tango. The curve of the tip of his forehead, drooping into the bridge of his nose and rolling over two delicate hills of pretty, thin lips. Yes, he with the dancing eyebrows and teeth flashing, pulling against his lip when he grins and eyes that almost sparkle in sync. Tango—devastatingly, heart-achingly, undeniably and beyond beautiful Tango who has yet to notice his staring.  If Jimmy were to be grateful for anything, he’d be grateful for the obliviousness of his quarry.  Tango, in a stunning move, laughs without a care in the world. It’s so loud and clear and Jimmy feels a smirk tugging at the corner of his lip, the cause of such being obvious to anyone who may notice his ogling. Though, making a home in the corner of this crowded living room, he has no intentions of intruding. Of course, maybe he wishes he was the one making Tango laugh like that. Maybe he wishes that intoxicating gaze could be on him, rather than those who engage him. “You know, you can just go talk to him, right?” Grian asks, a gentle nudge of Jimmy’s elbow making him turn. Jimmy snorts.  Maybe that’s the problem, isn’t it? Jimmy probably could just go talk to him. He’d been watching him for so long, for so many occasions—if he were a more attentive man, he’d have studied the patterns by now. He’d understand every little joke, made a note of everything that could make him more appealing, more fun to talk to. Instead, he gets lost in it. When he tries to keep track, he fails. Being analytical was never his strong suit, and it never failed him more than when he was trying to figure out how to talk to the one he is very much in love with. The one who, as far as he knows, is very much not in love with him.  “We talk,” Jimmy says, “We’re just friends, that’s what friends do” “Yeah, Tim, and I’m just an idiot.” “You said it, not me.” Jimmy tries to say it seriously, but he can’t help the grin. “I bet he’d like to chat. You two always get along well,” Grian says, dodging the jab flawlessly and turning his eyes to Tango, the two now watching from the shadows.  “Well- yeah, I guess.”  Another problem. They did get along well. Too well, in fact. He had friends, had people who he could count on and talk to or laugh with. Jimmy even knew what it felt like to be flirted with, to be teased in that way. But it never quite felt the same when it was with Tango. And it just confused him anyway, was Tango flirting with him? Was he flirting back? He knows well that sometimes he just stumbles into things without looking first, that was no doubt. It could very well be that Jimmy was just fooling himself, wandering into something that he didn’t get a good look at before exposing his neck to the danger of misinterpretation.  Maybe, in reality, Tango was just indulging him—even if he is a really, really good guy, the concept was dangerously easy for Jimmy to trust.  “I just think that if you’d get off your perch and just go up to him, or wave or- geez, just stop staring and do something, it’d probably be fine.”  “I appreciate your suggestions, but I am comfortable right here,” Jimmy says, “He’s busy, anyway- see?” He nods up in the general direction of Tango, noting how he is casually conversing with Impulse and Zed, who keep him engaged. Grian groans.  “Not gonna be busy forever, man.” “Well, I can’t go talk to him right now, then. Maybe later.”  He feels Grian clap a hand onto his shoulder, sighing. “Whatever you say, Tim. But those feelings are just going to fester till you say something, you know.” “..I’ll- I’ll take my chances,” Jimmy mutters, swallowing hard.  He only glances at Grian for a second while he moves off into the rest of the party, not bothering to track where he’s heading once he leaves.  When he finds Tango again, there’s not much of a difference. Zed left. Impulse still has him explaining something. He can tell by how his hands move, how his gestures get big and small and create the shapes of whatever figures are drawn out in his mind. Jimmy always admired that. He’d gotten it up close, once, when Tango got into one of his redstone rambles and talked at Jimmy while he just nodded and smiled and listened, despite having zero clue about what he was saying. Jimmy may not be good at redstone, but he’s sure if he was asked what he liked about Tango, he would go into the same sort of ramble. Big hand gestures, small hand gestures—anything to properly convey how smitten he had him.  Tango had no idea.  Jimmy was sure, at this point, he was destined for a forever’s worth of pining. A lifetime of restless stomachs, of rocking heartbeats that sound more like scattered drums than something meant to keep him alive. He will spend the majority of his days avoiding the fire and getting used to the cold of the corners, growing fond of the way his eyes glaze over as if he has stared at the sun for a little too long. … and.. still.  Something inside of him roared, clawed at its cage and said let me out, said tell him. He couldn’t really tell what was holding him back—was it just fear? Anyone would be scared to confess, sure. It could be the rejection, the dreamt up, awkward and letting-you-down-easy smile. The sorry, I’m just not into you that way. Or, maybe, it was the worry that things would go well. After all, they had gotten to know each other closely. Teaming up will do that to you. Talking almost every day will do that to you. Running into each other at parties, taking walks, talking about redstoning and building and bearing your every wound to each other almost shamelessly on the bad days and sharing in the joys on the good days, as if it was always meant to be just like this. Jimmy feels himself suddenly come back into himself like a head slamming into a wall, taking note of an astonishing development.   Tango is looking at him. Impulse now gone from sight, he leans against the same wall, but he is looking. Then offering an adorable wave with a tiny smile, Tango straightens his shoulders when Jimmy waves back, like some attempt to make himself look taller—and with the rush of feelings rolling over Jimmy, he feels adrenaline-fueled laughter forcing its way to the surface; it comes out in a quiet wheeze.  It finds him right away. The familiar sensation of Jimmy’s insides dropping like a sinking building, leaving nothing but dust-caked breaths that feel sticky, catching in his throat with every other inhale. He is a ruined mess of a man. A weak, mumbled puddle of warmth and heavy pulses and heat.  He is fucked. Royally, deeply, this-is-it fucked. And they stay that way for seconds, but it feels like years, and Jimmy can’t get enough of it.  Loving someone does feel quite good, doesn’t it? And maybe, being loved right back could feel even better. If he could just get over himself and try.

My Next Life as a Villainess VN - Thoughts

Considering the source material, I was surprised at how good this game was! It's unsurprisingly light-hearted and comedic, but most of the CGs are still great and the romances mostly worked. I appreciated how despite Catarina's black-hole level of denseness causing issues in basically every route, everyone tackled it differently and every relationship felt unique.

My biggest complaint is just that we were robbed of routes with the girls outside a "normal/friendship" ending, since the girls canonically ALSO love Catarina. Getting three extra routes for Mary, Sophia, and Maria would have been SO GOOD. But Alas.

While this game and story is definitely meant for fans of the light novels and/or anime, I think there's plenty of information for people new to the series to still enjoy it. I also appreciate how much content is added to the common route as you complete the routes of love interests. Expect SPOILERS below the cut, as I go into detail on my thoughts for each route.

My play order was:

Alan -> Keith -> Geordo -> Rozy -> Nicol -> Silva

Common Route: I won't linger too long on this, since the common route in this case was pretty short. It did its job, setting up the plot and introducing us to all the important characters, both new and old. But in terms of notable interactions with the love interests or MAJOR plot points, there isn't much of notice yet. All the choices that give affection for the guys pre-route split lead to very brief tangents/conversations, nothing substantial.

We do meet and immediately befriend Rozy in the common route, which is nice. Silva by comparison barely features here, but he's ALL OVER basically every route, so his absence here is honestly fine.

I do like that we learn about the sachets and their connection to Ryle Werder, since that plays an important role in several routes. The Witch's Eye, by comparison, perhaps receives TOO MUCH attention in the common route. It's only relevant in NICOL'S route and yet we learn about it when meeting ROZY, which seems odd.

Alan: Not counting the girls, when I watched the anime, Alan was my favorite love interest. Hence, I decided to start with him. And I wasn't disappointed! I like that it's pretty clear under "normal" circumstances that despite his love for Catarina, Alan would never rock the boat and confess to her. He acknowledges and respects that she's engaged to Geordo, and he's engaged to Mary.

Thus, for this love to bloom, the pair kind of NEEDS to be separated from the group and spend some quality time together, which is just what we get. Interacting one-on-one, these two have a very casual and easy relationship that appeals to me. They get along well and Alan is mostly charmed by Catarina's eccentricities. His one real problem with her is that she is reckless to the point of endangering her own life, and that's a fair criticism I think.

Since Alan wasn't planning on confessing, his struggle to "get through" to Catarina is mostly about making her understand that being reckless hurts and upsets the people that care about her, which he finally inadvertently succeeds at by... getting hurt himself while protecting her, causing HER to be upset.

It's a very sweet and subtly romantic moment, which I liked a lot. I like how this route, particularly the "memory scenario" bits, seemed to imply that deep down, subconsciously, Catarina ALWAYS has liked and favored Alan. He's the one she likes to just... hang out and spend time with, and thus when they spend a certain amount of time alone and have some (mostly accidental) romantic moments, she's quick to Catch Feelings, even if she takes a bit to acknowledge them.

The cherry on top to this route was his confession and how it was handled. When Alan accidentally confesses his feelings while saving Catarina from Frederic, due to her hangups about the whole "I'm a villainess in an otome game and all the guys should love Maria" thing she initially wants to doubt or misinterpret it - but Silva (who had earlier called out and WEAPONIZED Alan's feelings for his own gain) is quick to correct her, forcing her to acknowledge it. But the pair don't get to talk it out right away, leaving them to be noticeably awkward around each other until they do.

Only then, when it's unavoidable and necessary, does Alan fully confess. Because he knows Catarina NEEDS to hear this in order to fix their current relationship. But he immediately follows it up by telling her to forget it all - because he's genuinely content with just being friends with her and doesn't want to ruin things between her and Geordo.

I appreciate how much Alan is selfless and trying to do the right thing - and I appreciate it even more, comparing it to other routes to come. And Catarina refuses to forget because simply finding out how he feels is enough to make her recognize her own feelings, but she similarly resolves to talk things out with Geordo and Mary before confessing. The respect paid to their "official" partners and trying to properly end things before starting anything together is mature and wonderful, to the point where in Alan's happy end Geordo (reluctantly, but still entirely of his own volition, without outside pressure) gives them his blessing. It's sweet and satisfying.

Also, sidenote - I genuinely liked Liliana a lot as a side character and was disappointed she wasn't in any other route. On the other hand, that means she got to witness and support JUST Alan's romance and none of the others, so...

Keith: I won't lie, this is my least favorite route from a plot AND relationship standpoint. While basically ALL the other love interests find Catarina charming and endearing, it bothers me how Keith is always criticizing her. He loves her, but he's constantly trying to get her to act like a "proper noblewoman" instead of embracing her as she is. And from the perspective of a SIBLING, that's fine. But I HATE it when you're actively trying to mold your love interest's behavior and personality.

Across all the routes Catarina must have dreaded Keith lecturing her (explicitly acting like her mother, at that) more times than I could count. That's just NOT romantic. At all. And isn't a dynamic that can/should be TURNED romantic, IMO.

Another big turnoff for me is that Keith is one of two love interests who has... let's say a sense of entitlement to Catarina. He's actively hidden his feelings for years, AND YET he hates the idea of her with anyone else and actively tries to keep her away from her more aggressive suitors like Geordo. Unlike Alan and Nicol, who acknowledge their feelings but WILL NOT act on them in usual circumstances, Keith monopolizes Catarina's attention when he can and actively WANTS to be with her romantically... all while excusing the time and attention he gets by saying it's his right as her BROTHER.

The underhanded nature of how he gets her attention and his ulterior motives bothers me. At least Geordo is UPFRONT with his possessiveness and intentions, even if Catarina is too dense to notice.

On Catarina's end... I just struggle to buy her suddenly falling in love with him. This route makes it clear Keith is "special" in that she's quick to notice if he's not feeling well physically or emotionally; Catarina likes to TAKE CARE OF and DOTE ON Keith. That's pretty in-line with her seeing him as her brother, and honestly that same care and attention comes across in other routes where she clearly loves him PLATONICALLY, so it's hard for me to accept that not only does she quickly fall in love with him here but she confesses FIRST before Keith makes his own feelings clear.

As for the rest of this route's plot, I barely remember it. I wasn't invested in the conflict here - and that's not the case in most routes. Alan's route interested me with the relationship drama of Ryle & Liliana, Silva and Rozy had big political issues, and Nicol's was supernatural. Only Geordo's route was similarly dull in terms of non-romance content. The main thing I took away from the conflict here is I was unhappy how Keith's conflict of feeling weak and unable to protect Catarina was handled.

Rather than learning he didn't HAVE to protect her, that he was important/valuable to her without that, or something along those lines (leading to a more mutual and open dynamic, theoretically), it's resolved by... him finally being able to protect her. He had a BAD personal arc on top of a BAD romance on top of a BORING overall route/conflict.

Geordo: Like Keith, Geordo is pretty possessive and "entitled" to Catarina. Unlike Keith, I can at least somewhat understand why. He's literally engaged to her and has been for years. Beyond just his own hopes/feelings, there is an expectation that he WILL marry her eventually. I also appreciate that while he's initially not that forward, he's still open and obvious about his romantic affections. It's just that Catarina is PARTICULARLY dense with him.

She struggles to believe anyone could fall for her when Maria is Right There, but Geordo in particular she struggled to win over "in game", and despite years to get used to the idea she still doesn't seem to realize how much people and relationships have changed due to her actions. Thus she can't envision him EVER loving her romantically and finds a way to misinterpret his every action.

Whereas Keith just kind of... snapped and wasn't able to hold back his feelings in his route after spending too much time alone with Catarina, Geordo by comparison is very DELIBERATE in making more aggressive moves. And again, I think it's narratively justified albeit kinda messed up. While he is used to the usual rivals and felt relatively secure that they wouldn't/couldn't steal Catarina out from under him... suddenly Silva enters the equation and NOW he feels threatened.

As a pirate, Silva wouldn't care about Geordo's title or his claim to Catarina. If he chooses to steal her away or if Catarina just comes to like him, there's NOTHING Geordo can really do. Thus, he couldn't afford to be patient anymore and he got desperate.

He thought he had time to win her over, but now he had to progress things FAST or risk losing her. His actions make sense, and by making his feelings clear earlier on in the route, Catarina has more time to think about it and figure out her own feelings.

I think it's notable that none of the other love interests, despite their own feelings for Catarina and their frustration for how Geordo handles things (since he says some nasty things and unintentionally hurts her while revealing his feelings), actually try to PREVENT Geordo from "winning" Catarina. The girls even come around to SUPPORTING him despite loving Catarina as well.

Geordo's "entitlement" to her is reasonable. He's not guaranteed her love, but he is the most justified in expecting it and acting possessive by virtue of their engagement. While Mary may plot to run away with her, while Keith might secretly want her for himself, while Sophia tries to push Nicol to pursue her... EVERYONE acknowledges on some level that unless Catarina actively falls for someone else (which looks increasingly unlikely as time goes by), Geordo IS her endgame by default. And they respect that. They are all prepared for this marriage to eventually happen; Geordo by comparison on other routes is typically NOT prepared for Catarina to suddenly fall for someone and want to break things off.

His crime is of being complacent and then poorly handling it when he realizes just that. I personally can forgive that a lot easier than Keith's... everything, and a lot of what happens in Rozy's route, too.

On Catarina's end, the extra time she got to think about Geordo's feelings and re-contextualize a lot of their earlier interactions while also being more aware of the romantic implications of later ones served her well. While I personally imagine Alan and Nicol as the two guys she's lowkey into "by default" judging from their routes, it was easy enough to see Geordo's efforts to win her over actually paying off near the end, and her accidentally acknowledging her realization of "maybe I love Geordo" out loud, TO HIS FACE, was great. The non-romance plot of this route was fairly dull, but I found the romance very engaging so it evens out!

Rozy: I was impatient and just had to give one of the new love interests a go before doing Nicol. I have very mixed feelings about this route. On the one hand, as a new character, I found Rozy very attractive in terms of his appearance and personality. And many of his interactions with Catarina were sweet and endearing. On the other hand I have two MAJOR issues that hampered my enjoyment of specifically his relationship with Catarina, A LOT.

Problem one is that, plain and simple, Rozy was TOO devoted and obsessed with her based off ONE, BRIEF interaction 8 years ago. I understand that she inspired him and changed his life without meaning to, but he just... takes it too far. I can rationalize him looking into her immediately afterwards to learn her name. I can get behind him thinking back to that moment and hoping to meet her again one day, to thank her.

But he went as far as HIRING people to check up on her and tell him all about her, years later. That's just STALKING. Through a proxy, yes, but stalking nonetheless. Which is not okay. Ever. It doesn't help that outside of this one "flaw" - being TOO devoted, to the point of clear obsession, which is noted in story to be a flaw his entire family has - he's basically perfect in a way NONE of the other love interests are. I'm genuinely not sure if I would have preferred a literally flawless Gary Stu love interest or... this, which was gross.

Problem two was Albert's interference and the DISRESPECT to Geordo this route had. In general I'm wary of other characters in a story "shipping" anyone together - passively rooting for something like Liliana did is typically fine, but very active matchmaking is grating - but WOW was Albert a busybody about getting Rozy and Catarina together. When he was talking politics I was engaged and enjoying him, but whenever he turned his attention to playing matchmaker, I just felt frustrated.

He's MEANT to be eccentric, but this is really how a king is spending his valuable time? In particular the way he outmaneuvered Geordo so that Catarina and Rozy could fake-date For Reasons, and even PULLED RANK on him, threatening to end his and Catarina's engagement BEFORE Rozy had even confessed, was infuriating.

What gets me is that his interference was ENTIRELY unnecessary. There were plenty of moments between Rozy and Catarina to justify their mutual feelings without him poking his nose in it, and despite being clearly unhappy about it Geordo HAS proven to be reasonable about letting Catarina go when she actually falls for someone else. It's not like Albert's actions prompted Rozy to confess; he was going to do so ANYWAY. All Albert did was piss off and disrespect Geordo. In theory his actions SHOULD cause political issues between Quid and Sorcier, which he wants to prevent, and yet...

This was the one route where I liked the plot outside the romance significantly more than the romance itself. The political drama and intrigue was engaging, and I loved seeing Rozy and Silva interact. They have a genuinely sweet dynamic. It was also cute seeing Rozy's dad gush over him - a more normal, healthy (yet embarrassing) way to express the family's overly-affectionate trait.

The conflict with the premier Cet Norden was... a bit sloppily handled though. It bothers me that like 90% of his backstory and motivation was in an optional "memory scenario". Was an optional exposition dump really the best they could do? No way to incorporate any of that into the story naturally? By comparison the conflicts are much better integrated in Alan, Nicol, and Silva's routes.

I have a third minor issue with this route (and to a lesser extent, Nicol and Silva's) - it's frustrating that even AFTER finding out Rozy is associated with the pirates, he continues to hide shit and only comes clean when he can't avoid it any longer. Silva's route fully explains WHY - they're trying to secretly handle this so they don't have to work with and be indebted to Sorcier. But the politics of that choice are, in itself, kind of disgusting. Thinking rationally, Rozy chose to endanger who knows how many Sorcier nobles by keeping things secret, and even if their lives are kept safe by the "pirates", they're still under extreme emotional stress due to the situation. They even go so far as to plan for ships from Quid to "rescue" the Sorcier nobles, making them feel indebted rather than the other way around! The entire plot/conflict of this game could have been avoided if saving lives mattered more than politics.

Nicol: This route took an interesting turn into the supernatural. There is an entirely unique conflict (on top of the existing ones, which... still exist and take up nearly half the route), and I quite enjoyed it. I do think it needed more time to shine, though. The witch is only properly introduced more than halfway through the route, and that conflict is resolved surprisingly fast and easily.

As for romance, this route actually worked way better than I expected going into it. I'm not typically into aloof love interests that don't emote much, but I think it helped that we got to spend a lot of time from Nicol's perspective so I could see what he was thinking and feeling, even if it wasn't clear from his expressions and voice.

I mentioned that I think Catarina is lowkey into Alan and Nicol "by default" earlier. Alan I explained in his section - she subconsciously seeks him out and pays him special attention, to the frustration of her other love interests.

Nicol by comparison she is more OVERTLY into, but it's initially shallow. Nicol has a "mysterious allure" that exists both in-game and out, and since canonically she hasn't played his route, AND she's the most distant from him out of all her love interests (he's more "my friend's brother" than "MY friend", initially), she's intrigued by and drawn to him in a way she isn't to her other friends. She is Not Immune to his good looks, and he's able to fluster her in a way no one else can, without even meaning to.

Thus, when they actually spend time together and get to know each other, it's actually very EASY for Nicol to win her affections. Lucky for everyone else that he's a good friend and is DETERMINED to keep his feelings to himself. Much like Alan, he has no intention of confessing and attempting to steal (ostensibly) Geordo's Girl, and I respect him for that.

I was honestly really into the tension between Geordo and Nicol this route, where out of respect and friendship Nicol was trying so hard to keep his distance from Catarina but he kept accidentally letting his feelings affect his actions in ways that stepped on Geordo's toes anyway. That said I think there was a missed opportunity regarding how that conflict ended. I think there was a lot of potential for either drama or wholesome friendship if he and Geordo had actually gotten to TALK about it, but they never did.

Nicol spent the entire route not wanting to confess and get between Catarina and Geordo, but then due to the witch's interference he ultimately confessed to Catarina anyway WITHOUT talking it out with Geordo first. Either Nicol needed to find the courage to confront Geordo and at least give him a heads-up that he was going to do this, or even better, Geordo could be a good friend and tell him to shoot his shot (but obviously Geordo himself wouldn't fully give up until it's clear Catarina has fully chosen someone else); either way making it a "may the best man win" situation would have been ideal. Instead Geordo tells Nicol they need to talk AFTER Nicol has confessed and stolen his girl after spending the whole route determined not to do literally just that, and we don't even see the confrontation.

This route is leagues better than Rozy's in "dealing with" Geordo, but not as good as Alan or Silva's. While I wanted Nicol to talk things out with him first, I at least am more accepting of the witch's interference than Albert's. Albert was playing matchmaker and screwing over Geordo in the process, while the witch was personally trying to upset Geordo due to his similarity to her lover that she wanted revenge on, and Nicol and Catarina getting together was more a byproduct of that.

She forced Nicol to spend time with and confess his love to her (in Catarina's body), which made him reconsider his feelings and his passivity, and when he ultimately confessed it was because he couldn't bear for his only confession have been to the witch. It was explicitly for the sake of closure rather than expecting reciprocation, which was a happy surprise.

Ultimately I think this route was very solid all around though it could have been improved in some ways. It also brings another point AGAINST Rozy, because I can't help but feel he WAS trying to pull a last minute Mr. Steal Your Girl despite claiming his confession was just for closure. If you only wanted closure... why did you not also confess in Silva's route, where you spent MORE time with Catarina and thus should have loved her there too? It comes across in hindsight like he cares too much about Silva to come between them but he's willing to try his luck with Catarina's other love interests.

Silva: It's rare for me to love the true/favored love interest in otome, but this is definitely an exception. His route was so good! I already liked Silva a fair amount from what I'd seen in other routes - not only is his design very appealing, but his Honorable Rogue shtick was right up my alley. So I went in with fairly high hopes and honestly still got way better than I expected.

I appreciated that while he and Catarina definitely get along right from the start, he WASN'T immediately into her. It was refreshing after literally all of her other love interests being in love with her from the start of the story (including new character Rozy, who either fell in love as a child or immediately fell for her upon reuniting). Silva's "romantic" scenes in the early parts of his route definitely felt like he was flirting more just because he's USED to getting women's attention and he was testing her reactions, rather than him genuinely trying to woo her. Instead, it's her complete trust and faith in him (despite him being a "pirate" and having a somewhat shady past that he initially tries to hide) that really warms him to her.

Either intentionally or accidentally, this pair kept stealing moments alone together, and almost every one served to bring them just a bit closer together. You could really feel their relationship shifting from strangers to acquaintances to friends to ultimately lovers. They were BOTH gradually getting to know and falling for the other, rather than it being largely one party trying to win over the other.

And while Geordo has a relatively small role in this route and isn't really addressed until the ending... I think that works. As I mentioned in Geordo's route, he was complacent and assumed his "victory" was secure. He might have been initially paranoid, but he took reassurance from Silva initially saying Catarina was like a little sister and didn't consider that those feelings might change. But then unbeknownst to him, Catarina ended up spending A LOT of time with Silva (and as I said, those moments often happened to be ALONE, so no one else truly knew just HOW close they were getting), and falling for him. Basically, Geordo was caught sleeping on the job in this route and by the time he considered Silva a threat, it was too late.

One aspect of this route I really loved was Silva's interactions and dynamic with Rozy and the Lindgren family. It's so clear how much Rozy and his father truly love Silva, and Silva loves them too but is reluctant to officially join their family because doing so would cause a minor scandal. He'd rather keep a wall between them than burden them in any way because he feels indebted and unworthy, while they WANT him in the family and would happily accept any trouble he brings.

Heck, Rozy loves Silva enough that he didn't hesitate to back off when he noticed Silva getting close to Catarina, despite presumably being in love with her himself! The subtle way he gave the pair his blessing through giving Silva the notebook that had her picture - something he had in the past told Silva he "couldn't give" him, despite Silva's curiosity - was honestly sublime. One of my favorite moments in the entire game.

I also adored Silva opening up about his family and culture to Catarina, and then how he used that unique culture to woo her. Even before the reveal, the ear kisses were SO GOOD and clearly affecting her. In the end, when he revealed it was actually a sign that he was courting her? Buddy, that's too smooth!

Speaking of his confession, I loved that initially it seemed he was going to just confess his feelings and then back off, leaving the ball in her court. He wanted her to know how he felt before she left, since it would be who knows how long before they saw each other again, if ever, but he didn't intend to pressure her. It was only AFTER she instinctively stopped and clung to him - after she'd given him some small indication that she reciprocated - that he made a move. And what a move it was! The way he warned her to stop him or leave if she didn't want this before kissing her, MULTIPLE TIMES, was just... very attractive. He was probably already my favorite before this, but even if he hadn't been, this scene would have pushed him to the top anyway.

And the epilogue is also very lovely, with him having finally been officially adopted by the Lindgren family. He found a reason worth troubling them - so he could have the status and education to "properly" be with her without society putting up a fuss. It's so cute to see her so thrilled to see him again and being so happy and excited at the prospect of marrying him.

Finally, the conflict and drama in this route was once again pretty good. I don't have much to say (mainly because while I DID enjoy the conflict, the romance was just astoundingly solid and stole most of my focus), but everything regarding human experimentation and how Silva was directly linked to it and the antagonist was good. I wish the villain wasn't a brand new character not even SEEN in other routes though (he might have been MENTIONED in one or two other routes, but that's it).

One thing I think this story does REALLY well is the Butterfly Effect of Catarina changing the game's canon (something she hilariously never seems to fully grasp). Her one meeting with Rozy changed his life. And even though she NEVER met Silva as a child, her chance meeting with Rozy also rippled outward and still positively affected Silva, making him radically different than the "in-game" Silva, who most likely WASN'T a romanceable character but a true villain (I find it hard to believe the game would let you romance someone who callously kills several people in his INTRODUCTION and who is part of a pirate crew that is legitimately threatening/evil. I like to imagine Rozy was the true "secret" romance in the fandisk, since he WAS still in the game and on the ship).

Overall I thought this game was great and it far exceeded my expectations. I expected (and got) comedy, but the romances were mostly good and there was more drama and intrigue to many of the plots/conflicts than I expected. I'll definitely be returning to this game to re-experience my favorites.

In terms of my feelings on the routes as a whole, best to worst: Silva -> Alan -> Nicol -> Rozy -> Geordo -> Keith

My feelings on the romance/relationship with Catarina: Silva -> Alan -> Geordo -> Nicol -> Rozy -> Keith

Me screaming about zcx because I need to sort out thoughts about them for a fic I'll probably never write

The fic is centered on fem!zcx as teens, because I can't deal with them as adults, so I am (trying really) going to understand their dynamics and brain problems as teens.

So, starting with the easy one: lan wangji. Teen!lwj biggest issues is discovering new things: sexual desire, attraction, - people, in general. lwj had been sheltered as a kid in a way that didn't let him learn how to deal with the world, imo. Also, he's stuck with Lan 3,000 rules, so puberty is a nightmare for him. I can figure out both his relationships with wwx and jc: both of them, in different way, have shattered his convictions and beliefs and this, plus an amount of sexual attraction he feels for both, is going to make him feel ten things at once. And he's going to like none of this. Obviously, his journey of self-discovery is internal and no one knows about it because lwj's problem, imo, is that he feels a lot and he feels deeply but he can't express himself.

Now comes the problem: chengxian. Imo, one of the biggest formative moment of their relationship is when jfm took away jc's dogs: that day they both learned that jc will lose things for wwx. And it fucked up both of them. Mm, not an hill I'll die on, but imo teen!jc and teen!wwx used to talk about their problems: like, we have the whole 'twin pride' speech, because wwx wants to work out their problems there. And then, during the wedding scene, again, jc brought up problems, that wwx brushed off, but still, they communicated (they also at some point start to misinterpret each other. But that's different).

Their biggest problem, imo, is that they don't feel loved by each other, they feel both a burden for the other AND someone the other would replace easily with someone else (and no, it's not only a jc's fear; like, yes, he's much more likely to get on his own head about this, but teen!wwx passed from being teen!sect heir jc most-important-person to being not-the-only-person for very busy sect leader jc. I've read this on a fic and still hunts me. The whole deal of wwx, in general, is that nothing is as it was and this hurts him but we don't talk about it).

They are a mess. They hurt each other daily intentionally (jc) and unintentionally (wwx). But, they will face so much for the other because their love is stronger. (post res wwx is different- he's so tired and resentful, but we don't talk about it). Their relationship is doomed from the start but the love is there.

(Also, they have shaped each other in irreparable ways. wwx uses emotional manipulation to get his way because that's what worked with jc. jc uses threats because that is what worked with wwx.)

About their pov: mmm, I'll probably found a lot of problems with wwx's pov, because, honestly, how can you write about someone who can't acknowledge ONE emotion and can't do the math (emotionally. In real life I hate math. Also, someone should explain to me how he got from crying jc to noncon surgery. How).

Also, wwx's pov is seriousness treated crackily, while lwj's pov is a teen drama. And jc's pov is a soup opera.