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shinonometrash · 3 years

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Jasper Lane’s Main Story: English vs Japanese version, full summary, comparisons & thoughts. Part 1 of 3. (TW: rape, sexual assault, drugging)

So! Jasper’s route has finally been released in English as of August 31st, 2021. It seems that Voltage is following the same release order for consorts and events as how items were released in the Japanese version. I spent wayyy too much money to binge the entire route in a day...and get all the premium content...(honestly the hardest part about binging a route isn’t the love passes, it’s getting all the spirit points. Ugh.) I took note of a lot of different things in this and wanted to make a post going over all this information. Sorry this post took me so long to make, I had to go back and reread a lot of Jasper’s story in Japanese to refresh my memory as well as make sure I didn’t miss any big details since I had read it first back in May, and my Japanese has improved a lot (I think) since then. It was unfortunate and I didn’t really want to, lol. But! Now it’s his birthday (9/11)! I get to post this on his birthday! Happy birthday, asshole! This post is why you and your route suck! I’m probably only going to be able to post this first part today though, because honestly this post is taking much more time than I expected.

The biggest thing is going to be that

Jasper’s English (Court of Darkness) route does NOT contain any major triggering content. You’ll probably still want to punch him, though.

So, if you’re looking to find out about that, there you go. Anyways.

I’ve broken this into four posts, three that contain summaries of each chapter, regardless of changes, and one that only contains the changes.

(As of the date of posting, 9/11/2021, I have not completed all the posts yet. Please check back later and I will add the links to the rest of them as they are posted.)

This post is part one including the summaries. Part two in currently progress. Part three in currently progress. Post with ONLY comparisons and thoughts currently in progress.

Since I had contacted Voltage about the triggering content in Jasper’s route (and made a very lengthy Tumblr post about it) and they told me they prefer to remove potentially triggering content from stories in the localization process, rather than simply adding trigger warnings, I was more or less expecting this. Although...I didn’t really expect it to be to this extent, nor did I realize how I was actually going to feel about it...! Of course, the CoD did a fabulous job with the content they were given and what they were told to do, as always, and I completely understand why they changed what they did. Like. Seriously. They did the best they could do with the absolute mess of a route they were given. But, like, the route was an absolute mess to begin with. So there’s only so much that can be done to fix it...💀 Anyways, please know that any of my complaining is not directed at the CoD team because they’re wonderful!! Support them by buying in game content if you’re able to!! They recently released a special VIP pack that’s honestly an AMAZING deal. This is just a criticism of the route itself and my thoughts on it, not on the CoD team.

Now, onto the main point of the post...the English and Japanese versions of this route are very different.

Warning: This post contains major spoilers about Jasper’s main story as well as potentially triggering content including but not limited to rape, sexual assault, and drugging.

In addition, I am not including any CGs in this post as I’m not trying to break Voltage’s policy.

Please click under the read more to continue.

Okay, so first off this is probably going to sound incredibly self centered of me, but I sort of get the feeling that my post about his Japanese route had some sort of influence on the changes in his route...? Not sure how big of tabs Voltage keeps on Tumblr...but it seems like nearly all of the main points I was specifically really mad about got changed--and I’m sure they must have definitely seen my post...? Also, this too probably sounds silly, but I was kinda happy reading some of the dialogue that was nearly the same as the way I had translated it. Part of me was still afraid that I had no idea what I was talking about and just looked stupid writing a long post with misinterpretations of lines💀

Pre-notes: 1. For those who named their cat something else, Robin = MC’s cat. 2. In the direct quotes, anytime you see “---” it’s just me cutting out a part in the dialogue that I deem unnecessary for comparison purposes. 3. I bolded whether there’s differences in the chapters or not in each chapter summary, in case you only want to read the summaries for the chapters with the differences. It’s pretty much going to be the same as reading my other post, then, but I explain more of the chapter here, usually.

Chapter 1-3

Literally so dull. Nothing really of note. Pretty much the same between the English and Japanese. Jasper asks about her hands and she’s like “omg he’s so nice he was worried about my hands!!”, she meets Sherry and they become friends, the headmaster tells her she has to learn magic if she wants a chance at going back home. They go to the runes and learn about the history of Saligia. Guy grabs her again, she escapes.

Chapter 4

It starts to get a little bit more interesting here. Overall, nothing seems too different between the two stories yet. Jasper invites her to the rooftop for a tea party. Jasper is desperately trying to get MC to interact (in a positive manner) with Guy, she asks Jasper to have tea with her instead. Sherry and Rio mention a ball. Toa and Guy get into a glaring match. Toa leaves. You know, the usual. Jasper whispers something in Guy’s ear and they leave, and everybody follows them because...you know. They discover that Guy’s room has been trashed. Toa walks in and asks what’s going on, and then falls silent when he sees Guy’s room. Guy is like “Toa, you left before me, did you not?” and Toa is like “What are you trying to imply?” then they glare at each other until Lynt is like “Are you trying to say that Toa is the culprit? He would never.” Fenn agrees. Roy says they should investigate, and Toa says he will also investigate, since he is the dorm prefect after all. Afterwards, Jasper asks Guy if he thinks Toa did it, Guy says “No, Qelsum isn’t that stupid.” Guy says they need information. He sends Jasper out to investigate, tells Jasper to be sure not to be seen. Fenn, Violet, and MC go out for food or something, and MC runs into Sirius, literally. Fenn is like “what are you doing?” and MC says she ran into somebody but turns around and there’s nobody there. I guess it’s trying to imply that Jasper is stealthy and can hide away into the night or something?? But then that’s it.

Chapter 5-6

No overall noticeable changes. It’s time for the ball! Sherry lends MC a dress and they head to the ball. She sees Jasper in the hallway closely inspecting wine, without Guy. She calls his name and he startles. He tells her he’s selecting a wine for Guy because Guy is very selective and will not consume anything that Jasper has not prepared. Jasper essentially says that Guy is his reason for living. Then they go into the dance hall. And Guy is all like “why did you come in together?” then they say they ran into each other by chance. Guy goes to take a sip of the wine, looks startled, and then ends up spitting it out into a handkerchief. He claims he choked on the wine. She finds Jasper in the hallway again, looking at the wine, and calls out. Again, he startles. She wonders why. She tries to ask, but then he dodges the question by telling MC that the dress looks good on her. He invites her to dance and says he’ll teach her. They head back to the ballroom, she asks him some various questions and they all basically end with him saying that he serves Guy or whatever, and she’s thinking all like “work, again...?”. Jasper then tries to make her dance with Guy instead of himself, and when she says she’s going to leave he grabs her arm. There’s a few choices you can make, but one of them is “Please let go of me.” And then! And then! This man literally looks at her and asks “Why?” Yikes!! And she asks why he’s asking why, and he says he doesn’t want her to go, so she agrees to stay a little longer. (Mistake #1) Then he shoves her off onto Guy again. After dancing with Guy she goes out to the balcony and runs into Aquia, and Aquia pricks his finger and it starts bleeding. She tries to look at it and it somehow brushes her lips and at that moment Guy and Jasper come out and ask what’s going on. Aquia apologizes (he did nothing wrong!! >:( ) They then discover that Aquia’s wound has magically healed somehow. Then here’s the scene with Guy: “That girl, I want to know everything about her.” Jasper: “Oh my, have you fallen in love?” Guy: “Something like that” Jasper: “Congratulations! We must celebrate this wonderful occasion!” Guy: “That’s enough now. Investigate that woman’s power.”

Chapter 7

No major changes between versions. But...Ughhhhhhhh. We’re gonna meet Sirius in this chapter. But first some humor. They go to the S rank lounge, I believe after the ball. Jasper offers to make coffee. Literally ALL the valets suddenly RUSH to Jasper’s side to ask him to teach them how to brew coffee. So there sitting in the S rank lounge with Jasper brewing coffee while all the other valets are like 👀👀👀👀 lmaoooo. Aight and so the humorous part ends there, sorry! That’s it! Now we must move on. Fenn says he wants to go out drinking and asks Jasper if he’d like to join, Jasper declines saying he has other matters to attend to. We learn that Hawke, Jasper, and Lance are all drinking buddies. MC is all like “oh thank god, that means he does get time off!” -_- So then Toa laughs and comments how close Jasper and MC are, and is like “wow imagine using your valet for something like that” and then tells her that she’ll be a tool for Avari if she sticks with them, and that it’s not too late to switch to Qelsum’s side instead. (She does not switch. Mistake #2. Arguably her biggest mistake in this entire route, if you ask me.) Guy interjects and tells Toa that MC is his, and Toa is like “lmaooo then why does she seem closer with your valet than you?” and then they glare at each other. MC gets annoyed and leaves. Jasper asks where she’s going. She says she’s going back to her room to see Robin. For some reason, Jasper seems disappointed about this? Afterwards, she goes to her room for a bit but then decides to go explore the town with Robin. Uh oh! Robin goes missing.

She starts looking for Robin and runs into this sketch looking dude. He asks her where’s she’s going, she says she’s looking for her cat. He’s like “oh that flying thing?” and she’s like “Yeah!” and then is like “could you just tell me which way he was headed? I can get there myself.” but the guy insists that she should follow him instead, because the streets are dangerous and she might run into dangerous men. The man is then like “I’m Sirius.” (which, when I first read the Japanese, I thought he was saying “I’m serious” lmaoo) and then he frickin grabs her hand and drags her off!!! Yikes!

Chapter 8, 1st Interlude, and Chapter 9

Okay so we’ve got the most significant changes in these chapters. Like. A LOT. This is what the majority of my previous post focused on: the drugging, sexual assault, and morning after. They basically did their best to make this consensual. It went very similar to what I had predicted, although played up a bit more cringe-y than I had expected...or maybe I just hadn’t thought about how cringe-y it would be. There’s literally so many changes that it’d be a bit of a pain to summarize all of them between the versions, I’m just going to put the actual dialogue/stuff from the stories for a lot of this so you can see the differences more directly. (The Japanese will be roughly translated by me, of course.)

Chapter 8

So Sirius starts walking and walking and walking and she asks where they’re going but he keeps insisting it’ll only be just a little longer or that it’s a shortcut and stuff. Ughhhhh...Then she’s like. This man clearly has no idea what he’s doing, I’m going to run away after all. But then he suddenly tells her they’re going to take a “break”. He drags her into the bar before she can protest or try to run. She tries to say no to a drink, but then he asks if she does drink and she’s like “well I do, but...” and you start seeing the differences here. In English she makes a comment of “Ugh, if only he wasn’t so charming.” Sirius further insists only one drink, even though MC tries to say she needs to go find Robin. He then just straight up orders drinks for them, despite her protesting. She then agrees, and then mentally apologizes to Robin. (Mistake #3) And we start seeing the biggest differences about right here...

For this chapter, let’s play a guessing game on which one is the Japanese version and which one is the English version, shall we? :)

Away from the table, Sirius plants a palm on the counter. Two of the usual are set out before him, bubbles frothing over the top. Sirius glances back and finds MC staring at the patterns in the wood grain. Sirius: Much obliged. Tavern Keeper: Mm-hmm. Scooping up the fizzing, popping tumblers, he tosses a wink at the tavern keeper. Then, he strolls back to spend time with his new friend. - Away from the table, Sirius plants a palm on the counter. Immediately two of the usual shot glasses are set out in front of him. Just to make sure, he looks back at MC, who is staring at the table. Sirius: Ah, thanks. Tavern Keeper: Mhm. Sirius skillfully drops the tablet he had hidden between his fingers into the shot glass of the opposite hand. Then, feigning a nonchalant look, he returns back to the table.

Did you guess which one was which in this part? :) And yes, my friends. In the fucking CANON MAIN ROUTE, it deadass has a line saying that our love interest puts a drug in our drinks. And yet...the Japanese fans still love him! Ugh. Also, that “skillfully” bit really concerns me. That kinda implies that he’s done it multiple times before, does it not??? Honestly I’m not really sure why it says it was a shot glass in the Japanese, though. I thought they were drinking like cocktails, not taking a shot. Maybe that’s why they changed that bit...? Now the stories are the same again for a tiny bit. Some time has passed that they’ve been in the bar/tavern and MC chugs her drink and slams it down on the table. She seems drunk. She’s rambling about Guy and Jasper. Like “I’m not an object!!” “and he’s like “Yes, yes, you aren’t an object.” then like “Who goes around saying stuff like “you are mine” and “give me your power”?? Like seriously! Who says that sort of stuff! It’s so messed up!” and he just listens along, amused. He then says that it’s good to drink sometimes, and she agrees, and then he asks what she wants to do. She notes how she’s only had one drink, yet her head feels a bit fuzzy already, and how it made her very talkative. She says she wants to go home. She reveals that her family died, and that she has a hair clip in her hair from her mom that’s very important to her. She mentions how there are still good people in this world, though. Sirius tries to order her another drink, and here’s where stuff deviates again.

Sirius: Another of the same, if you please. MC: What, no! I’m fine MC: So hey, you’ve been fantastic company but I really need to go find Robin. (Man I got way too into that conversation.) (Robin must be out there looking for me.) MC: Thanks for the drink, though. You’re a really good listener. And also...really, really pretty. MC: It’s been great meeting you. Maybe I’ll see you around sometime? MC: Like...when I’m not looking for my cat. That’d be...nice.” (I have no filter. No filter whatsoever.) MC: Right, so...Bye... He stands up right as I do. The rickety old table wobbles between us and I pitch into his arms. Sirius: Steady on. Sirius: I might almost think you’ve fallen for me. (Fallen for him? But I’ve only just met the man.) Sirius holds me steady as I smile up at him, feeling silly but bold. He’s even more handsome up close. MC: Like I said, very attractive but...gotta go. Sirius: Hold fast. MC: Haha. Did you just pick me up?! Sirius hefts me into his arms like I weigh nothing, and for a moment I feel like I’m being carried off into the sunset. An electrifying thrill runs through me as I sway against him, adn then I realize we’re moving. MC: Where are we going? Sirius: ... MC: The look he gives me then makes my eyebrows shoot up. I nod and let him carry on. (English version, Mistake #4) When I next open my eyes, I’m being placed down on something fluffy. (I can’t believe I’m actually doing this. I should leave well enough alone but there’s something about him...) I peer at the unfamiliar ceiling overhead while Sirius stares down in my eyes. Sirius: No need to hurry. Sirius: The night’s just begun, after all. (Wait a second, aren’t you...?) The seductive smile on his face comes closer. For a split second he reminds me of someone, but it must be my imagination. - Sirius: Bartender, another of the same. MC: Ah, no, I’m good! MC: I really need to go find Robin. (Yikes, I got totally absorbed in that conversation.) (Surely Robin is looking for me, too) MC: Thanks...for talking with me...and listening... MC: Thanks to that I’ll be sure to...remember this... MC: From now on, I’m going...to study...more seriously...for sure.... (Wha...I’m so dizzy...) MC: Sorry...I’m...leaving now... Sirius: Whoa, hold on. MC: Ah... Unsteady on my feet, Sirius picks me up and holds me in his arms. I feel swaying and I open my eyes slightly. I’m being carried somewhere. MC: Where...are we going...? Sirius: ... Strangely, it feels like the ceiling has gotten awfully high... The next thing I’m aware of when I open my eyes is being placed down on something fluffy. (Where am I...?) I gaze at the ceiling above me and Sirius looks into my eyes. Sirius: Let’s take it slowly. Sirius: The night has just begun, no? (Huh...?) Laughing mysteriously, the man’s face comes closer. For a second, I think he looks similar to someone. But it’s just my imagination, right...?

I’m sure you can guess which one is which. One is extremely alarming, the other is cringe. It’s clear they did the most they could to try and make it consensual between them, and ended up doing exactly what I thought with having her make several comments about how attractive he is and then add some playful flirting between them. 😖 Alright! Ready for the next part?

1st Interlude

I just read the normal first interlude in Japanese before typing out this post and...god, I thought the premium interlude was bad. So, one more time, trigger warning for sexual assault. Damn I really don’t want to write this part, I’m so tired from writing the rest TT (I saved this for last, unfortunately.) I’m not translating all of these so I’ll do a mix of translating exact lines and summarization. In all the stories, first she calls out Jasper’s name at first, confused, and then Sirius looks shocked. And she’s like, how weird, why would I call him that...he’s clearly Sirius...and then they all start to deviate. ><

Normal Interlude

Japanese version (this is the worst one): MC: I’m sorry...I must’ve gotten drunk, sorry for the trouble... Sirius: So you’re apologizing in this situation. (This...situation...?) He kisses her. (Wha...I’m being...kissed...) I’m aware of it, but my body feels so heavy, I can’t resist it. With my arms pinned to the bed, I’m forced to accept the kiss. He says “what is this power?” and then she sees an aura flare up around him. She asks if it’s magic, and he says that it’s interesting, and then asks if it has to do with the length of time or the type of physical contact. -- Sirius: Is it only your lips, or...? His finger runs along my knee, tickling it. With his other hand, he skillfully slips his hand into my shirt. Sirius: No need to be alarmed. Sirius: I simply wish to confirm. (Confirm...?) Sirius: So soft and smooth, you feel nice to touch. Sirius: But, I don’t feel anything from just touching you... Sirius: Is it different depending on where I touch? The sensation of him stroking my skin falsely spreads through my whole body while his fingertips make their way down to my lower limbs. I move my shoulders to try to tell him “I don’t want you to touch me!”, but it doesn’t matter as his fingertips continue to try to uncover something. MC: St...stop it... Yelling out makes him stop--at least, that’s what I had thought. However, the thing that stops him isn’t my voice. He removes his hand that was feeling around in my shirt and then starts to think about something. (Is he...searching for something...?) Sirius: ...so it can’t be transferred through the skin, hm. (W-what...?) It’s finally over--is what I thought, at least. This time, he drops kisses on my ears and collarbone. When he puts his hands on my thighs again, I want to run away immediately. (Why...? Why is this happening...?) MC: Is this...is this a dream...? Sirius: Yes. It’s a dream. So, goodnight. Sirius: You’re about to reach the limit, aren’t you? (Limit? What is he talking about?) Even if I wanted to think about it, my head is too fuzzy and I can’t think of anything. I don’t like it, but...what is it I don’t like? Surely it was something important, but I can’t remember. Before I could say “I’m sorry, I’m really sleepy” my consciousness blacks out. She passes out and Sirius says something about how interesting it is, and that he must report his findings to Guy.

English version: MC: Sorry, I can’t believe I called you by the wrong name. Sirius: Is this the time for apologies? (I guess not...?) He kisses her. (We’re kissing. I’m kissing Sirius...) He’s certainly attractive enough. I’m not attached to anyone here, and yet...Why is it that I keep thinking of Jasper? He says “what is this power?” and then she sees an aura flare up around him. She asks if it’s magic, and he says that it’s interesting, and then asks if it has to do with the length of time or the type of physical contact. -- Sirius: Is it only your lips, or...? His fingers walk along my knee, tickling me. I shiver and grin as he gives me a considering look, then slips his hand inside my shirt. -- Sirius: I only wish to see what you’re capable of. (Strangest bedroom talk ever.) Sirius: You’re exquisite. Soft, smooth, perfect to the touch... Sirius: But I seek other responses. Sirius: Tell me, is this where you want to be touched? He peers down at me expectantly, hands petting along my skin as if to encourage me to speak. I squeeze my thighs together, hoping he’ll continue without the need for words. He raises an eyebrow. MC: Sirius, I need... At first I think the sound of my voice has given him pause. Then I realize something else has happened. He tidies my open shirt a little and frowns thoughtfully. (What is he doing? What is it he’s looking for?) Sirius: Hm, no transfer from the skin. (Uh, what?) My mouth falls open. Has the moment been ruined somehow? If so, what’d I do? But then he plants tiny kisses over my ears, neck, and cheeks. His hands sweep over me once more, but far more soothingly. Still, I can’t get the image of Jasper out of my mind. (I can’t be doing this. It’s not fair to be thinking of one man when I’m with another. I need to sort my head out.) MC: Sirius, I can’t do this. I’m...I think I’m developing feelings for someone else, so it wouldn’t be fair to you to do this... Sirius: Well, well. There’s an unexpected turn. ...All right. We’ll think of this as nothing more than a passing dream. Sirius: This never happened then. Good night, MC. (Good night? But we’ve only just...) Suddenly I feel very drowsy. A second ago I wanted nothing more than a crazy, one-night romp with a man who has crystalline red eyes. Now I can’t think of anything but how comfortable this bed is. She passes out and Sirius says something about how interesting it is, and that he must report his findings to Guy. --

Yikes!!!!! I was so shocked when I read the normal interlude!! Especially the Japanese version!! Now for the other one...

Premium Interlude

Japanese version:

MC: I’m sorry...I must’ve gotten drunk, sorry for the trouble... Sirius: So you’re apologizing in this situation. (This...situation...?) His voice is close. But besides that, I don’t understand the situation very well. Sirius: Is it hard to open your eyes? MC: Yes... Sirius: I’ll make you feel better right now. (Feel better...?) She sees him put in eyedrops. She tries to ask but her voice is really quiet and her throat is dry. MC: Excuse me, could...could I have some water?” Sirius: I’ll give you some right now I felt something cold touch my lips and water poured down my throat. MC: ...nng (No...it’s something else. I’m...being kissed...) I understand that, but, but I feel too drowsy to be able to resist. With my arms pinned to the bed, I’m forced to accept the kiss. He says “what is this power?” and then she sees an aura flare up around him. She asks if it’s magic, and he says that it’s interesting, and then asks if it has to do with the length of time or the type of physical contact. (What...this kiss...) It’s a kiss that makes me feel as if I’ll be swallowed by the torrent of pleasure. (I’ve never experienced something like this...) Sirius: Ha...ahh... MC: ...mm, Sirius... His lips pull away with a wet sound and I sigh. Sirius: It’s as I thought... MC: Stop...it...already... Sirius: Shhh... Sirius: Be quiet. I’m going to make you feel better. He wipes his finger along my wet lips and pushes it inside my mouth. My shoulders jump and I shiver and inhale sharply, feeling like I’m being bitten on the neck by Sirius. MC: Mnn... Sirius: Suck... He moves his finger around my mouth and I move my tongue as I’m told. Sirius: That’s it good girl... Sirius: ...so it can’t be transferred through the skin, hm. (What...is he talking about...?) Sirius: How about...here? He removes his finger from my mouth and strokes my knee. MC asks if it’s a dream, and the rest of the interlude ends the same way as the normal Japanese interlude ends.

English version:

MC: Sorry, I can’t believe I called you by the wrong name. Sirius: Is this the time for apologies? (I guess not...?) I can almost feel his voice vibrate against my skin. Shivering at the sensation, I let my head fall against the pillows. Sirius: Would you rather keep your eyes closed at the moment? MC: Mm. yeah. I like the sound of your voice. It...reminds me of someone... Sirius: Then keep them closed. Sirius tells her to hold on a minute and puts in eyedrops. MC says her throat is dry and asks for some water. He gives her water, but she realizes that it’s not a cup but rather him giving her water from his lips. -- They kiss. (Who taught him to kiss like this?) It’s like some dam has burst within me and a tide of pleasure is threatening to sweet me away. (I’ve never experienced anything like this. Is this magic, too, or just him?) Sirius: Mm..Yes... MC: Ah...Sirius... A wanton moan escapes me as he gives me space to breathe. The thing is, in my mind’s eye I keep seeing someone else. Sirius: Quite as I suspected. MC: That was incredible. What was-- Sirius: Shh. Hush now. I’ll fufill that yearning of yours. He rubs his thumb against my dampened bottom lip then slips it inside my mouth. My shoulders jump as he moves his lips and teeth over my neck. Sirius: Suck. I obediently swirl my tongue over his thumb, taking it in further. Sirius: Good girl. -- Then she says she can’t do it because of having feelings for someone else, just like in the normal English and the rest of the interlude continues the exact same way.

I can’t believe Voltage was really like “hey, pay us and we’ll make the content less rape-y for you! :)” Big yikes lol. I’d only read the premium at the time of my original post, and I thought that was bad enough to write a post about it. That normal interlude though? YIKES. Like...gahhh I know I already said this same thing like three times earlier but I’m just so grossed out!!

Also, a quick note. The CG for this has Sirius laying on top of her while she has her eyes closed. This is because she’s UNCONSCIOUS in the Japanese version. I was wondering how they were gonna get around it, but like not long before it came out I was like “oh they can just have him comment telling her to close her eyes or something” and I guess that’s more or less what they did...?

Chapter 9

Okay so I realize I did make a slight translation error in my original post about the ninth chapter. She does indeed say “I don’t have a headache” rather than what I had thought it said which was “My head hurts, but it can’t be a hangover.” which is what they went with in the English. “My head doesn’t hurt, though, which suggests I don’t have a hangover.” The rest seems about right, though. Anyways, so this chapter starts the morning after the events of the first interlude with MC waking up in the strange bedroom. While not technically as big of change as in Chapter 8 and the first interlude, this is also one of the most changed chapters between versions.

The Japanese version:

(Where am I?) I open my eyes and am unable to move at first. ---- (Robin and I got separated in town...so I was searching for him) (And then...ah, yeah, I met Sirius) (He was showing me the way...and then there was that bar on the dark street where I was only going to drink one drink, and then...) .... ....... .......... “Shit, I can’t remember anything...” I’m not sure how I got to this room or what happened after I blacked out. My head doesn’t hurt, so it’s not a hangover. I only had one drink, that’s the one thing I CAN remember. “No way...” Nervously, I run my hands down my body. The hem of my shirt was untucked, all the buttons completely undone, and my skirt was rolled up past my thighs. (I want to think it’s just from how I slept...I really want to think that, but...) Being drunk can make you roll around and do that. I can’t hide how anxious I am about this unexpected situation. My heart thumps painfully in my chest and my legs shake. ---- (Huh? A tattoo?) I see Sirius taking a shower in the other room, with a tattoo spread across his back. (That would mean Sirius and I...) Looking at the bed with disheveled sheets, I wrap my arms around my body and hug myself tightly. “Maybe...maybe we just slept, that’s all...” (It’s a pitiful excuse, I know.) (Oh my god!! I need to go find Robin!!) Remembering something very important, she runs out of the room. ---- Sirius: “Ha, she ran away.”

English version:

Where am I? I open my eyes and stay perfectly still for the first few minutes. ---- (I got separated from Robin in town and while I was looking for him I, ended up lost.) (And then...Oh right, I met Sirius. Man, he was attractive.) (He was showing me the way, then we paused for a drink, and then...) Then...Hmm. What did happen? I’m drawing a blank here. “What the? I have no memory of last night.” I have no idea where this is or the events that led to me waking up here. There are flashes of groans and sighs, but that’s all. My head doesn’t hurt, though, which suggests I don’t have a hangover. Not that I’d expect to have one over a single drink, but I remember that drink being similar to a potion. “Uh-oh. Did I hook up with someone?” I carefully pat myself down. My shirt’s untucked, the buttons are undone, and my skirt’s hiked up around my thighs. (Then again, I could’ve just slept weird. Here’s hoping.) I’ve definitely rolled around in my sleep while drunk before. Still, I never thought I’d have to do a walk of shame in another realm. My heart pounds as I look around, trying to figure out who I spent the night with. (Did I somehow manage to book a room for myself? With what coin?) (It’s like everything that happened since I got here caught up to me all at once. What did I do...?) ---- “What was that?” (A tattoo? It was a gorgeous one, if so.) (The question is, how acquainted did I become with that tattoo last night?) The rumbled bedding comes back into view as I put my head in my hands. “Maybe we just crashed here together after our drink.” “...” (Pitiful excuse, but I’ll take it for now.) (Wait, Robin! Oh god. I have to go find him.) I run out of the room as soon as I remember. Given how little of the situation I remember, it’s probably better if we put that night behind us. ---- Sirius: “Alas. She has absconded.”

Then after she leaves, it goes about the same in both versions. She finds Robin at the gates, is rushing to Toa’s class, gets stopped by Jasper. His voice reminds her of Sirius. He then teases her for being late and is like “You said you were going to go back to your room last night, but it seems like you went out and had fun instead.” and she snaps at him and says she didn’t. He acts surprised. She apologizes and walks off, embarrassed. He laughs.

So. Yeah. One of them, MC wakes up confused after being drugged and raped and is trying to process that and then remembers Robin, runs back to the dorms, and has to deal with Jasper teasing her saying she went out and had “fun” which triggers extremely fresh, bad memories. While the other one...MC is like. Did I hook up with someone?? Whoopsies! Hm, I wonder how I did that. Oh but that Sirius guy was SO hot. Oh shit! I have a cat that’s missing! Gotta go. And then Jasper teases her but she just gets upset because she feels embarrassed about hooking up with someone. Neat. Also, what is with Voltage and their obsession with using “abscond”???

----

Are you feeling uncomfortable right now? A little horrified that Voltage would write a story like that, and romanticize it? Awesome! Me too! Let’s take a break here before moving on. Thankfully, the next parts won’t contain anything near as triggering as the first interlude and chapter 9.

(Next post currently in progress, will add link as soon as possible! This is taking much longer than I thought it would to write;;;)

#jasper lane #jasper court of darkness #court of darkness #court of darkness jasper

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iayhifbigyakwiltbsywps · 3 years

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Fuckkk I had something really long written but my connection failed and now I can’t find it but this is important if you or someone you know has adhd and takes stimulant medications like methylphenidate. This will probably be weird because I wrote the original like 12 hours ago and I just got home so if the other one magically reappears then they will be really different.

Basically I wanted to make people aware that taking stimulant medications has the potential to do more harm than good. I have adhd and have drank concerta since the third grade and im currently in 11th. I have been noticing throughout the 2019-now time period that I really have lost all motivation and that I don’t really have interest in anything even getting up to eat. And I was like ‘well that’s not alright’ and so I did what every one does: I googled it. I asked google “can adhd medications cause brain damage and lessen motivation?” And honestly I was not really expecting an answer, kinda just hoping to see blankness and be relived that it was just something random I thought. Boy was I surprised.

I actually found this:

This is literally the answer I was too scared to find because a) it proved my suspicions correct and did kinda bring a different kind of relief in knowing I’m not just hysteric and b) this hit wayyy too close to home. The part in blue feels wayyy too familiar to me because all I do Is be on my bed on my phone most of tinge time and my parants keep getting concerned and like “go get a job, find a hobby, do something!” And I am honestly strangely alright with my situation, like I hate it but I still don’t try to change it because I can’t!

Forgot what else I could of said there on the fist draft, but onto the next peice of evidence!

This pretty much said that this meds were tested on rats and that the rats ended up losing all motivation to even react when they should be looking to escape a bad situation. That once the medication stops we no longer have drive to motivation.

This also states that the nucleus accumbens is the part of the brain that forms motivation into action and when you take these meds your actually risking it shrinking and leading to no motivational drive.

Also that there are other options if you are convinced you or your child needs help to lead a successful life then there are other options that are not stimulants!

I also found some videos but could only resurfaced one which I think is the most important: https://youtu.be/nif8TFPhjuI

This video basically talks about one of the beginning trails of adhd medications that ended up being a huge success after the recorded 14 months that this trial was conducted, but what most people who do their research probably don’t dig deep enough to check that after they took the pills away they came back 3 years later to see how they faired. Turns out that the my were actually worse and the adhd was too much or something. ( sorry I’m trying to remember what I wrote but I only slept like 10 minutes last night and it’s already 1am so my eyes are shutting)

I can’t remember much right nos but if I find the other articles or videos Ik re log or something.

Here are the links to the articles:

https://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2012/06/09/fewer-prescriptions-for-adhd-less-drug-abuse/adhd-drugs-have-long-term-risks

https://www.leonardsax.com/stimulants.htm

There were more but I’m fighting To stay awake right now sorry.

Oh I just remembered something:

This is what happens when you give stimulants to a brain that is underdeveloped (brains aren’t yet developed until they are like 21) so if y’all need meds try taking non stimulants or else you’ll just cause growth problems for yourself

I really hope some people find this useful and that no one goes through what I am cuz it really kinda sucks and I hate it but I can’t do much to change it.

Also after hours trying to figure out a way to tell my mom I had finally told her and you know what she said? She said “if we take you of these meds will you promise to try to care about yourself more?” And like I didn’t say anything but sure mom I totally didn’t just work up the courage to try and tell you within the day I found this informants on when it would usually take me months to say things I think are important but yeah I totally need to try a bit more ugh!

Honestly I think it’s shit that I’m not even 18 yet and I already feel like all my fight has gone out of me. Like if it weren’t for my parents that actually care about me I would of let myself starve to death. And now there’s no way to thank them because I can barely move to get food much less show them my thanks. Mom dad I love you and I’m sorry my brain if fucked up.

Hi just a little edit here, I wanted to say that both articles are by the same person I just put the second one because the link didn’t work for me so I had to look for their actual page that was mentioned. But also I read further down on the second article and I saw there are more links to other related articles in the second link where this person wrote their actual research and citations

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amintyworld · 3 years

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Candles - Dream SMP Star Wars AU

A/N: Welcome to - Another piece that’s wayyy too long to submit. I spent two days straight writing this between writing the next chapter of Beginnings. I sent this as an ask but then I think Tumblr ate it so anyway here’s a fic based on the concept. This is from @dreamsmp-au-ideas‘s Star Wars AU. I’m a sucker for father/son Wilbur and Fundy, okay? Anyway, hope you enjoy! - Minty

TW: Major Character Death, drinking(?), kidnapping, fighting, cursing. (Tell me if I need to tag anything else!)

Summary: Wilbur still has hope of finding his missing son, and has a special way of remembering him. Fundy gets a renewed sense of hope for finding his own parents and grows closer with Wilbur.

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“Sir, you need to let us in.”

“The fuck I will!” Wilbur shouted angrily from the other side of the locked door. “We don’t want any part of- We’re not with the Rebellion, we’ve done nothing to you or the Empire. Leave us alone.”

“Sir, you need to open the door.”

“I know you’re taking kids, and I’m not letting you take him. You’ll have to get through me first, and I don’t go down so fucking easily.”

“Sir, please calm down and open the door.”

The house was humid and dim from the hot day, the windows shut and every entrance locked. The only way in was through the front door, which Wilbur trained his blaster at, ready to shoot whoever was stupid enough to enter. Sally sat behind him, her blaster on the ground as she held the small baby in her arms, trying her best to keep him quiet. Wilbur could hear screaming children and sobs from across the silent town, as the stormtroopers marched down the road, children grabbing back for their parents as the parents desperately rushed after their children only to be knocked down with the blunt of the blasters, a few bleeding out, writhing on the ground in agony with their skulls cracked open, a few dead bodies scattering the ground. He noticed a hysterical woman shaking the body of her husband, a bleeding wound in his chest, and a sizable dent in his head that looked like a bruised watermelon. He wasn’t moving. A sizable knot formed in Wilbur’s throat at the sight.

This was sick.

Wilbur’s body shook with anger and adrenaline as he heard the click of the stormtrooper’s gun. A tense moment of silence passed before the door flew open so quickly that it almost fell off its hinges as three stormtroopers rushed in. Wilbur gunned down the first in the chest, Sally managed to blow the second one’s head clean off from her position on the floor, leading the third scrambling for cover, not realizing exactly who he was messing with. “B-backup, I repeat we need backup in Section 10 House 23, two soldiers down, I repeat, two soldiers down!” Looking over to Sally with a nod, they moved deeper into the house for cover as they heard more stormtroopers approaching quickly, flooding into the house. “Shit, they’re Mandalorians!” A commander shouted from outside the house. “Surround the house, send a widespread barrage!”

From the sounds of it and the blasts whizzing by, there were at least twenty stormtroopers around the house, maybe thirty - it was hard to get an accurate count from where they were. Sally cupped his cheek as she gave him a reassuring smile. “You take the left, I’ll take the right?”

“As always.” Wilbur’s face brightened as the two shared a soft kiss. The small baby made grabby hands toward Wilbur as Sally gently put the child in his arms.

“Hm, looks like someone wants his Dad.” Wilbur loved how much Sally was always so confident, so relaxed when it came to times like this. At least, more relaxed than he was. She moved out of cover to begin to shoot back, and Wilbur kissed Fundy’s forehead.

“You’ve gotta be quiet as a mouse, alright? Stay right there for now and stay quiet, Dad’s gonna be right back.” Gently as he could, he placed the baby in a small steel cabinet to keep him safe from any stray fire. Fundy looked up at Wilbur with wide curious eyes, a hand in his mouth. Wilbur’s heart melted at the sight as he securely closed the cabinet, grabbing his second blaster and moving toward the window to aim.

------------------------------------------------

“Oh, uh… I didn’t mean to interrupt anything-” Fundy asked awkwardly from the doorway as Wilbur kneeled in front of a table, a single candle sat on it. The glowing flame was the only thing otherwise lighting up the dark room. Wilbur moved around quickly, slightly startled when he saw Fundy, and rushed to put his helmet back on. Though Wilbur couldn’t see Fundy’s face through his own helmet, he could see how the kid awkwardly shifted in the doorway, looking away quickly in embarrassment. “Wait, I’m not supposed to-! I’m so so sorry-!”

“No, no. It’s fine, Fundy.” Wilbur breathed, not exactly expecting any company. “Did you need something?”

“Yeah, uhm… well Eret wanted to go over the plans with you for the attack, and…”

Wilbur sucked in a breath as he nodded. “Yeah, yeah, of course. Tell him I’ll look it all over with him tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow…?”

Fuck, they didn’t know. He was so used to being left alone today that he forgot he wasn’t living on the ship anymore. They didn’t know. Wilbur mentally kicked himself. “Right. Uh… why is this so hard to explain…”

“Is this another Mandalorian thing?”

“Well, uh… not- not exactly.” Wilbur managed. “Kind of. It’s a long story.”

Fundy moved to sit down a bit behind Wilbur on the floor, smiling behind his helmet. “I’m all ears.”

“Heh.” Wilbur smiled behind his mask. “Well, you know how I lost my son to the Empire when he was a baby?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Well, in Mandalorian culture, we keep the memories alive of those who aren’t with us anymore, but we don’t really have any way to keep the memory alive for something like that. I know that he’s alive and out there somewhere, so any of the normal ceremonies just don’t feel right. I needed to do something to keep his memory alive in me, so I won’t forget him, and I can find him again.” Wilbur said, turning to gently take the candle in his hands, careful of the wax. “So, I light a candle on his birthday every year.”

“Every year?”

“Of course.”

Fundy’s eyebrows furrowed. “How are you so sure he’s still alive?” His eyes flicked down toward the ground in thought. “So much could have happened, I mean, it’s been so long...the Empire’s not exactly merciful.”

Wilbur slowly took Fundy’s hand in his, placing the candle down next to them. “I dunno, it’s like… there’s some kind of feeling in the air, like a connection. No matter how far away he is, I just have this feeling that I can’t ignore when it comes to him. As long as it’s there, I know he’s alive - out there, somewhere, and I’m gonna find him.”

Fundy stared up at him in awe, not finding any words. After this long, after everything that’s happened, Wilbur still had hope. He lit candles and sat and loved and remembered. Despite odds, despite logic, all because of a hunch. It was more than admirable, and Fundy moved to pick up the candle, watching the flame flicker. Something about all of this felt right. “Could I… maybe… light candles too? For my parents.”

Wilbur placed a comforting hand on Fundy’s shoulder and Fundy looked up to see Wilbur’s helmet framed and lit from the flame. “Of course.”

--------------------------------------------

“Drop your weapons.”

They were surrounded, several stormtroopers pointed their blasters at them. Even if they shot two of them down now they’d be dead within seconds. Sally looked over to him, her confident smile gone and replaced with worry. Wilbur swallowed the knot in his throat as he slowly raised his hands in surrender, dropping his blaster to the floor.

“I said drop ‘em, missy.” A stormtrooper growled at Sally, who reluctantly tossed her blaster to the ground and slowly raised her hands. The Commander looked around the small house for a moment before angrily pressing his blaster to Wilbur’s forehead. “Where’s the kid?!”

Wilbur took a shaky breath as he kept his calm. Quiet as a mouse, Fundy. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Within seconds, Wilbur was hit across his face with the blunt of the blaster as the Commander kicked in him the stomach, leaving Wilbur sputtering for breath. “Does that jog your memory?!”

“Babies go missing, sir. The galaxy’s an imperfect place.” Wilbur huffed from his place on the ground, gaining confidence at the Commander’s growing frustration. More pain suddenly as the Commander’s boot collided with his face, each kick making his vision more blurry as blood dripped to the floor. He struggled to breathe in as he heard Sally yell, pure emotion in her outburst.

“Leave him alone, fuckface!” Tears welled up in her eyes as she began to stand, ready to charge at him and tear him to shreds. Her arms were quickly pulled behind her back, and she struggled against their grip. Wilbur coughed a bit of blood, trying to stand, as the Commander slowly walked over toward Sally. He tilted her head up to face his.

“Such a rebellious spirit...stupid, reckless, pointless rebellion. You do know how the Empire treats rebellion, don’t you sweetheart?”

“Fuck you.” Quickly, Sally was thrown against the wall, pictures and furniture fell to the floor with a loud crash. Scratches and blood littered Sally’s skin as she struggled to move or even speak as the room spun like a top. “Ugh…”

“It’s time you learned to hold your tongue.” The Commander spat as he aimed his blaster at Sally.

“NO!” Wilbur leaped, helplessly, across the room only to be punched down once more. “Leave her alone, I told you the baby’s not even here-!”

Wilbur’s heart dropped as a baby’s cry rang throughout the room. The Commander stared down at him coldly. “Not even here, huh?”

Wilbur’s eyes grew wide. “I-” Another strike across Wilbur’s face and he went down, shaking as he tried to crawl and stop the Commander who was walking toward the cabinet swiftly. No, no no no Fundy-

Suddenly, Sally gripped the Commander’s blaster as tears streamed down her face, fighting for control. The Commander pushed her up against the wall with his blaster with ease, shoving her to the floor. The sound of a shot rang through the air as blood poured down from Sally’s head. Her body dropped to the floor in a heap.

No.

Tears welled up in Wilbur’s eyes as he couldn’t seem to take his eyes off her lifeless body. Nothing about this seemed right, nothing seemed real. She was just there, she was just alive and moving and talking, and the next moment she’s just… gone. Wilbur screamed as he rushed over to Sally’s body, tears streaming down his face as he shook her. Words tumbled out of his mouth like a waterfall, so fast he had no idea what he was even saying. His heart felt like it shattered as he held her cold hand in his, a pool of blood beginning to form that stained his clothes, but he didn’t even care. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head as blood dripped down from her forehead across her limp body. Wilbur’s shaking hands ran through her hair for the last time.

Fundy’s cries quickly pulled his attention away from Sally toward the Commander, who looked down at the child making grabby hands toward Wilbur, hysterical. “Aw, what a cute kid.” Wilbur stumbled to his feet, pain coursing through his body. Blood seeped down his skin, and his head throbbed uncomfortably. He raised his fists in a sort of fighting stance.

“Get the fuck away from him.”

Another shot rang out as he rang down and saw crimson blood spill down to the floor from his chest. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t breathe. He fell to the floor, crimson spilling onto the floor as he fought to stay awake. He curled into himself, all he could feel was pain, pain, pain…

Tears blurred his vision as his body shook. The stormtroopers and the Commander looked down at him with almost pity. You’re weak. Weak weak weak weak...

He could practically hear the smile in the Commander’s voice. “The Empire thanks you for your sacrifice.”

------------------------------------------------

Fundy’s eyes lit up in wonder as Wilbur handed him the matches, and moved to go grab something. The two candles are old - one shorter than the other, each with varying fruity smells compared to Wilbur’s vanilla one. He leaned over, lighting up the tall yellow candle then the smaller pink one. He turned, blowing out the match then turning to stare at the flames. Warmth spread in his chest as he whispered to himself, head bowed. “I’ll find you, Mom and Dad. I promise.”

“Guess what I found!” Wilbur smiled as he brought over a large corked bottle and two steel cups.

“What’s that?”

“Phil found Tihaar, I haven’t seen this stuff in years!” Wilbur smiled, and Fundy looked toward him confused. “It’s a Mandalorian drink, nothing too heavy, I promise.” Wilbur laughed a bit as he poured out the cups. “You can’t find any of the good stuff anymore anyway.”

Fundy took the cup and sniffed it curiously. “It smells like syrup.”

“Tastes a bit like it too. Much more sweet than alcoholic.” Wilbur said, raising his cup. “Now then - a toast.” Fundy raised his cup as well with a smile. “To all those we’ve lost along the way. We keep you in our thoughts always, and may we reunite again.”

“We will find each other again,” Fundy added, looking to the sky, more hopeful than he’s felt in months.

Wilbur looked over toward him, nodding in agreement. “We will find them again.”

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potatoesandsunshine · 3 years

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Campaign 2 Wrap Up: Anna Potatoesandsunshine Edition

Seemed like it would be fun to go through all the fan content I made for this campaign and try to find at least one thing I like about each thing! Kind of like looking back through a photo album. Under the cut because as it turns out, I wrote kind of a lot! (As in, 21 fics and 3 playlists kind of a lot!)

the sea, once it casts its spell (fjord speculation, what’s up with all this ocean stuff?? the fic)

The first thing I wrote for c2, wayyy in the beginning of things. We had no idea about Uk’otoa or Avantika or anyone at this point, it was pure ocean vibes for my favorite warlock. I really like how hard I leaned in on the “the ocean follows Fjord to land” idea.

so many things will fill my life (but only one will do) (post-campaign cali/jester fluff, written the night of the cali episode and so sweet it could rot your teeth)

This one is just good. I just did good with this one. I’m one of those people who hates their own work the night of posting and then when looking back at it goes, “Wow, this is great.” My favorite thing is the little gifts sent along with the letters! Cali was so fun and cute :)

when the dust does roam (Beau study up to Episode 42, 2k words of Beau poking at the idea of grief)

Best thing I did in this fic was have Caleb-through-Frumpkin bugging Beau about getting some sleep. They really... they’re siblings, your honor.

“ “Fuck off, I’ll sleep when I’m dead.” Beau picks the bird up and sets him in the hood of her own cloak, out of reach of any weasels or startled monks in the morning. It’d suck to have to tell Caleb that his Frumpkin got eaten by Sprinkle.” C’mon guys, let’s do the sibling dance.

keep your swords out by your sides (the idea for this was, What If Fjord Has Nightmares From Uk’otoa Every Night and just doesn’t remember them)

Assigning everybody a word Uk’otoa had said for each nightmare in this was a challenge; I went into it knowing I wanted Caleb for Learn and Caduceus for Consume and had to guess the rest - for an angry eye snake Uk’otoa didn’t give us a ton of quotes.

“ He reaches over and runs a hand along the wall of the ship. From his touch, mushrooms begin sprouting.” Caduceus starting to decompose the Mistake in the middle of cooking was maybe the best moment in this story for me. Like, yeah. Yeah. Ok you funky little grave cleric.

strange but not a stranger (Caleb & Jester, in the immediate aftermath of Caleb’s charm in Episode 55)

the first of my “the Mighty Nein won’t have these conversations with each other in canon so they have to be had in fic” ideas that turned into a full-fledged story. I still had not discovered the em dash at this point, so the formatting of this makes me cringe a little bit, but this fic was really about The Emotions Of Being Out Of Control which turned out to be a very big Thing for the Mighty Nein.

now this story was when swords were humble (fake academia mixed with a Yasha study)

Honestly I’m still obsessed with the AU I made here where Yasha was just awakening every sword she used without knowing it?? Why did I use that here only?? That might come back. But the best part about this fic is the citations; me at my most in-joke and ridiculous.

through the teeth of this tempest (Written in the immediate aftermath of Episode 69, Yasha internally trying to break Obann’s control over the course of a month.)

The most “I wrote this to cope with canon” fic out of all of them. I was crying writing this, I was so upset that Yasha was gone ugh just remembering it. Still waiting for past me to discover the em dash, I genuinely don’t know why I didn’t know how to do it and I’ve thought about going back and editing all of these but I’m just Not Gonna Do All That. Anyway, I really like how Yasha catches lightning with her sword in this. We all really manifested that happening.

nothing more than what the losers settle for (Time travel, a series of oneshots where each member of the m9 sans Caduceus went back to a different point in the timeline and murdered Trent Ikithon)

This was my longest fic for c2, so I’m mostly just glad it got finished. This happened somewhere around the time Matt released that set of notes that mentioned Trent in more detail and I hated him so much I just had to write him dying six times. That speaks for itself.

Revolutionary!Fjord was also a good turn. He could pull it off, I think.

we’re gonna show ‘em a thing, or two, or three (Jester growing up fluff!)

I really like how I did Jester & Artagan in this, even though he barely appears. Someone better at songwriting than me please write the Dragon Song. Em dash makes an appearance here but the formatting is still wrong. I Am Once Again Asking For Proper Use Of The Em Dash.

the best things (happen while you’re dancing) (Mid-Episode 97 Divergence, Jester taking the reins at the party + hints of jester/beau/yasha bc i still love my girls so much)

Jester’s a little out of character in this, but not wildly so, and it was for the purposes of a Trapped By Societal Convention plot that I wanted her to mastermind so I think it was fine in the end. I’m still fascinated by the way she unbalanced Ludinus Da’leth in basically every interaction they had, and while their scene feels pretty cliche in this... the cliches are there for a reason. They’re so fun to write.

Em dash my beloved, there you are.

plus thirty-one varieties of sacramental wine (The Galavant crossover that truly nobody asked for, Beau + the monks)

Yeah, this one’s just fun. Not much more to say about it. Critical Role and Galavant are both fantasy, but they’re honestly pretty different in tone, and it was fun to write Beau dropped into a comedy musical.

oh we were sea-bound and aimless at best (Purely angst, a What If The Fjord & Orly Resurrections Didn’t Work fic)

Made myself care about Marius with this one, y’all. What more can I say? Beau having to go from first mate to captain was just... deliciously painful, because she would.

lost my shape trying to act casual (Beau & Yasha during travelercon, another mid-episode fic, this time of 104)

Yasha comforting Beau, who feels guilty for not feeling guilty... That Mighty Nein wasn’t lying, Mind Control and Autonomy can be themes. Another in the “the Mighty Nein won’t have these conversations with each other in canon so they have to be had in fic” tank. They really just... didn’t open up to each other for a long time, which made sense, but I wanted them to.

so long as you don’t mind a little dying (Beau & Caduceus, sometime in the peace talks arc)

Keeping with the Mighty Nein Please Talk To Each Other theme, I feel like I did a pretty good job with the late-night conversation energy of this fic. This was at a time when I was looking at Caduceus, can opener in hand, ready to make this firbolg open up about his feelings. Beau in this is prickly and confrontational but only in service of her friend’s well-being.

amber light, bending (Eiselcross speculation, Widofjord and all the messiness therein)

THE widofjord fic of my two widofjord fics. The blueprint. The better one. Finally I got the dynamic figured out. I maintain that the tower is an absolute expression of Caleb’s love for his friends. The way that neither of them have the braincell in this fic... yeah this one is just good.

and a blade between them (Widofjord happening... sometime.)

Okay so this is not as good as amber light and I will never be able to look at it and like it as much, but it was still fun to write. Anyway, the intimacy of shaving someone else. That is good. The tag “if they didn’t want me to think about the blood pact they shouldn’t have made the blood pact” is the most useful takeaway from this fic and is the driving force behind the Fjord/Jester/Caleb fic I’m working on now, so it wasn’t a waste of time or anything.

feel the ground beneath my feet turn into the sky (Post-Campaign Astrid-retires-to-Nicodranas, Astrid/Jester)

This is another one where I’m like “Yeah, this is just good.” Packed full of Wizard Fashion, Artagan making an appearance to rope Astrid into having a happier future, and the power of Going To The Seaside. Good for you, fic-Astrid.

spend your days biting your own neck (Role-reversal where Beau is the one mind-controlled this time and Yasha is the one chasing after her, set very early in the Tomb Takers arc)

So much of this fic is about not saying things aloud - Beau’s POV spends a good chunk on body language and Yasha writes multiple letters on paper and in her own head - but devotion bleeding through anyway because there’s nowhere else for it to go. The two of them go tumbling over a cliff together at the end but Yasha has wings, ugh. Yeah this was a good one.

and blow the dry leaves from the tree (Somewhere before the beauyasha date but otherwise timeline-nonspecific Nicodranas, Yasha & Yeza become friends)

Yasha & Yeza making pancakes together when neither of them know how to do so... is good. This fic is very much about grief sneaking in, but it’s even more about finding someone to share the moment with you. I think these two have more in common than we think.

oh, lend a mending hand (Caleb & Caduceus during Beau’s tombstone meditation in Episode 130)

I wrote this entire fic as an excuse for Caleb and Caduceus to hug and it does what it says on the tin. Got em.

it’s about the passing of measures (Beauyasha at the end of Episode 134, Aeor speculation)

This fic got extremely sidetracked because I rediscovered the marble machine during it and I do not apologize for that. I still really like the idea that Aeor as a whole, not just the Cognouza, is somewhat-alive. Too much magic and too much death for it to be anything else, in my mind. And I’m a sap for hurt/comfort.

the blumentrio playlist nobody asked for

If I think too much about how deep in each other these three people are I will cry. Made myself a soundtrack for those tears.

the caleb playlist nobody asked for

what if this angsty wizard had a playlist of songs that mostly just... make me want to dance? that question was answered here.

the caduceus playlist nobody asked for

songs about home, leaving home, dying, changing, becoming someone new, coming home and finding it’s changed... this to me is caduceus.

yeah... this campaign has been fun!! I probably won’t stop making things about it; I still write about Vox Machina, for crying out loud, but... it feels good to lay it all out like this. It’s been a long few years, and it’s wild to be seeing the end of it now.

#yes tumblr hates links yes here is an overlong post with 24 links #now THIS is why you make a blog. to look at your own work and say yeah several times.#critical role #i have some stuff i've been working on but i don't see any of it getting finished before the epilogue #looking back at everything is like... yeah! i had a lot of fun here!#anna's fic notes

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crystu-cii · 3 years

Note

XD Yeah, better to do the stuff that's harder to do at home in school imo-

Ooooh well good luck if/when you ask-- XDD

It is the perfect opportunity to have short hair! Why do you think I buzzed all mine off! XD I think you'd look lovely with short hair -w-

I don't wanna grow up either tbh XD but like *freedom--* how close is freedom and short hair to your grasp anyways? XD

Pixie cuts are actually a fem haircut, but a short bob would also be super cute :3 also I'm a femboy XD well.. I own very little fem stuff bc I didn't like being perceived as a girl so I got rid of the stuff and then later I was like "...wait fuck i still like dresses--"

STIM SQUADD-- I always get nervous mentioning stimming bc people will be confused and I suck at explaining stuff- yesss sameee!!! I bounce on my bed or rock in place when I'm happy(and alone bc family thinks it's weird ;w;) or pace around the house XDD OMS YES I WAS SO EXCITED WHEN WE BECAME FRIENDS AAAA-- I have a friend I ramble to about everything I love too!! Her name is Jade and we adopted each other as siblings asgkhdj-- ASJKF ITS NOT WEIRD OR CREEPY AT ALL IVE RAMBLED TO JADE ABOUT YOU BEFORE XD 💖💕💞💖💞💕

Technically I have access to both but my computer can't handle minecraft so I play bedrock ;w; although can't you play cross platform if you use a realm tho-? I'd have to check but--

Also something tells me that if everyone you ask has bedrock you picked the wrong version XD

A ferris wheel?? Terrifying- XD sounds fun tho!!! Aside from being so high in the air XD ferris wheels are pretty tho so I can forgive them :3

ahh TYSM! 😭💞❤️💕💖💝 and it ISSS like UGH- but the only thing my mom decided to try out was make my hair layered- cause she would always cut my hair where the ends are all straight and even- but imo i liked layered hair so much more! still wish i had it short tho- xDD

but how close freedom is? gosh i would ask my mom the same question- but im just assuming its whenever you turn into an adult- but i guess i gotta wait and see ;0;

and ooooo i see! random but im also debating whether i am cisgender or not- im kinda leaning that im more cis but im also debating if im bigender(?) or something- ive already accepted he/him pronouns so i guess thats a start- but again ahh i dunno ;w;;

and omgg YESS and aw your family thinks its weird? thats not good ;; - OKAY HOLY CRAP THAT REMINDED ME OF SOMETHING THAT PISSES ME OFF- okay so like- i also pace and walk around places SO DAMN much- like- i swear- i walked like a million circles in my room xD- but i also tend to do it in public and my mom would literally YELLL AT ME whenever i do it! and then she would say "im getting a headache just by looking at you. and others will too." and im mentally like "aight- then thats your fault for looking at me- not mine???" *-visible confusion-* and it doesnt even have to be in public- even when were in the house and im next to her, she would get mad at me- and UGHHHHH IT DRIVES ME crazy i hate it 😭😭

but thank gosh she doesnt yell at me anymore (i think) maybe cause she was just tired of yelling at me for it orrr she realized she can neva stop me xDDD but i just still get mad that my mom would yell at me for something i consider so harmless ;0;;

but OMGMG YAYY- rambling to friends about things its just amazing XDD literally to larie and tree i was like "HRYEHEYHEYE SO I MADE THIS NEW FRIEND ON TUMBLR AND I RAMBLE OF EVERYTHING TO THEM AND THEY RAMBLE BACK AND ITS AWESOME GUSYGUDYUGYS-" like i GO BONKERSSS 💖😭💕💝💖❤️💞

and OOOoohh i see! but aww rip computer- and crossplatforming on the realms? i didnt know bout that! but i never really joined a realm before- i attempted to when a server made a realm and i wanted to join but my game was like "n o"- i dunno why but wahh xDD

but lowkey i guess i DID xD but i actually use my brother's minecraft java account since he barely plays minecraft anymore- (sometimes he does tho) and he gave me it wayyy back then- i started playing it at 2013! and man it was a journey- and it also held pretty embarrassing memories- i would rage on the servers so much- xDD ;W; but i was lowkey crazy when i heard everyone i meet had bedrock instead- i was like- "GUYS BUT WHAT ABOUT HYPIXEL?!(HWJFKAU" but then again- i never had bedrock before so i guess i cant blame em for getting it instead xD and im cheap so i dont think i'll get myself a bedrock account any time soon

and hell yeah! it was pretty scary since my fear for heights is kindaaa big- but i handled it well xD it was fun :D

#the rambles of crystu

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bereft-of-frogs · 4 years

Note

Not that I think Kylo was irredeemable it something, but I honestly don’t think he redeemed himself, or even like... tried to. In the Last Jedi he sort of kind of pauses when Leia almost dies, but then plows on killing people. Then in this most recent movie he pauses, gets stabbed and is put in a position where he can’t really kill anyone else, only for Han to show up and they talk, ignoring the fact that last time Han tried that Kylo killed him. Then Kylo rushes off to kill Palpatine. (Part 1)

(Part 2, sorry it got long) basically Kylo was planning on killing Papletine anyways and always wanted to rule(marry/date?) Rey. Like if Rey has turned Sith, I feel like that end would have played out the exact same way. So basically I’m sitting here like: Kylo never actually redeemed himself (saving a girl who you tried to kill multiple times and tortured and killed her friends doesn’t really count in my mind. Like it’s a start ?maybe??). Anyways I generally respect your opinion so I was...

(Part 3) (sorry...). Anyways I was wondering if you could explain why you thought Kylo had redeemed himself. I feel like you’re less likely to be in my face about how it’s cause he was actually Good All Along or some other weird reason.

- - - -

Okay folks, the thing is...I really don’t want to talk about Star Wars. I really don’t. That’s probably sounds kind of asshole-ish but this is a nicer response than I just had with my real life friends. (To be fair, that conversation *started* with Friend 1: “oh how did you like that godawful movie?” Friend 2: “ugh that was such a bad movie” and every time I was like ‘well I liked-’ they came back with ‘ugh but what really made it bad was...’ until I just kind of snapped and was like I Do Not Want To Talk About This.) Like, maybe one day I’ll want to participate more in the actual fandom (unlikely, but it’s possible) but for right now, I just. Can’t. So this is the one and only ask I am answering publicly about this. I’m going to talk briefly about what I was referring to this morning and then just go back to the world where I just...watch the movies and participate in no other way.

So what I was really referring to this morning were the posts that referred to Kylo Ren/Ben Solo as irredeemable (which I personally believe that no one is ever irredeemable) and people who ship Reylo as ‘crazy’ or ‘disgusting’ or anything that refers to them as clowns. (I really hate the clown thing? I don’t know why maybe because I don’t like clowns in general but I’ve seen ‘clowns’ tossed around a lot lately and I’m like...oof) That doesn’t necessarily mean I think that the plotline was perfect. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t have liked to see certain things done differently.

And I don’t think Kylo Ren ‘redeemed himself.’ Because he died. They killed him off. You’re right, it was a perhaps start, but the storytellers decided not to allow that character to continue to work towards reconciliation. And even if he did live, that might not make for a good film. Because the actual work of reconciliation, including what people put in ‘what a redemption arc should be’ type posts, is a lot of quiet, slow work. So films tend to go with one large, dramatic moment at the climax of the story. Tied to a personal reasons, maybe not precisely for the right reasons, but getting one last choice and choosing to do the right thing (and then, unfortunately, they usually die, but that sucks)...

Just like Darth Vader.

I think that’s something that really inspired that post. Just that...having seen the movie I’m puzzled by the intensity of the negative reaction to the character. Because I overall think he was fairly...middle of the road in terms of Star Wars villains and his story was clearly echoing Anakin’s/Vader’s...and also Rey and Ben had...a wayyy more interesting dynamic than Anakin and Padme in the prequels. I mean low bar but still. I was livetexting my brother about that today, Attack of the Clones is kind of hilariously cringey in that regard. Examples to try to be humorous in the middle of my slightly moody post:

And like. I know people hated the prequels and I’m sure that there were people that were annoyed when Return of the Jedi came out but...I don’t know, I guess what I see here is a character/pairing with potential that could be interesting to explore further but also has a terrifying, really intense, concentrated negative energy around it and that’s kind of what puzzles me.

There’s probably more I could say about this. I definitely don’t think he was ‘good all along’ but I do think he struggled with wanting to make good decisions but consistently defaulting to fear, and desire for power, and the dark side. So I think that’s the purpose of those little flickers of uncertainty in the last movie, and this one. Leading up to his final, definitive turn towards the light, a last noble act, and, if he lived, a long road of learning how to be a better person, to make ‘good’ decisions. (And he’d probably make more mistakes. He’d probably sometimes do the right thing for the wrong reasons. That’s what this struggle is about.) I don’t know. I just think it’s interesting.

Anyway! That is it for me and the Star Wars discourse! Sorry! Officially last word! Sorry!

#star wars discourse #i'm okay with have a shallow enjoyment of this one #i just like watching the movies #and the original clone wars shorts #which are not on disney+ apparently! boo!#also I was really into jedi academy when i was a kid #ugh so good #some things you just want to enjoy in a vaccuum right? that's star wars for me #Anonymous

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isaloveskz · 5 years

Text

stray kids imagines! calling a uber! ➢ bang chan

➵ pairings: chan x reader

➵ word count: 1411

➵ summary: ideas come from unlikely places and in different shapes and forms, but no one knew it would be from an uber driver

You have just finished your part-time job at a music store

If you haven’t already know, you are basically a music teacher who taught piano to smol kidzz (*cough* *cough* including changbeannie)

You actually forgot that your car was being serviced so you can’t really go back home

So, you proceed to call a UBER!

Since you were a part-time music teacher, you create music in your spare time

You have a genius melody and tune in mind but you just don’t know where you should place in your music piece

But your thoughts came to a stop as your uber came

You got into the passenger seat as the car stop right in front of you

“Welcome to CHAN’s uber!” was the first thing you heard when you settle down

I’m not gonna lie but you were pretty shooked af from that deep voice of the driver~~~

You turn your head to the left to see who that deep voice belongs to

BUT just before you head turn 90 degree to your right, your eye caught a smol rubber ducky on top of his dashboard

And you just can’t help but chuckled at it since you relate it to the kidzz you teach at the music center

“That’s cuteee” you pointed at the yellow ducky

Well, now you make Chan caught off guard and he blushed realllyyyyyyy fast

That was also when he took few glances at you AND he thought you were pretty cute too

“but you’re cuter ;)” he whispered but enough for you to hear some parts of it

You were probably already dying at this point bc of that COMEBACK

And not long after, both of you were already tomato red by then

It wasn’t even 5 minutes in the car, and you might already have a crush on him (good job Y/N)

While he was concentrating on driving, that was when you had a good chance to look at him

He has dirty blonde hair that fits well with his ethereal looks

He wore black from head to toe: black hoodie, black ripped jeans, black boots, etc

Honestly, he gave you bad boy vibes at first but right after you seen his rubber ducky, your thought just flipped

Chan has already caught you looking at him a few times now, and he loved it

Because let’s be honest, no one can break his seducing charm here

It has already been few minutes of you staring at him, yet it feels like time has stop when you looked at him

“Are my looks that captivating, miss?” Chan smirked

“Wait-t wh-hat?? U-uh n-no”

“Don’t lie,,, You’re not the only one that gave me that stare” He widen his smirked

From that moment on, it’s no point lying to him further so you just gave up

“Ok, fineee. It was, alright?” you whispered, which you hope he didn’t hear

But your luck was thin, so yes… he did hear it

He chuckled, while approaching the traffic light

The traffic light slowly turns from green to red (cue music: red light, green light swaggg), and that was when he got the chance to really take a look at you

He saw your cute ass face until his eyes landed on the music sheets that was on your lap

Scribbles of handwriting was everywhere plus tiny coffee stain which was stain in some corners of the sheets

Since he is actually a music producer and fetching people to their destination was a way for him to relax and listen to people problem (if they want him too)

He gains many ideas from listening to them which is why many people relate to him so well through his music as if he had put himself inside in other people’s shoes

Anywaysss, he was very intrigued by your scribbly handwriting and many scratch off musical notes

“I didn’t know u make music too,,” he stare at your direction

“Honestly, I didn’t know I could make music either. One day, I just had this tune in mind and that’s where I branch out but now I’m in a pothole :/”

AND that’s when you realized that he makes music too

“WAIT,,, you make music too??” he nodded as he try to focus on driving but we all know that Chan said you were cute and he can’t take his eye off you but he does not want to die so he ‘try’ to STAY focus

You thought to yourself that maybe,,, just maybe…

He might be the right person to ask for some ideas and thoughts about the song you’re stuck on

“hey, Chan right? Would you be a kind soul and help me with something?”

“If it’s about your song then I wouldn’t mind just for you ;)”

OKAYYY you might not have expected that and your cheeks might or might not have flushed a bright red but you quickly ignored it so that Chan didn’t caught whatever is happening to your hormones

“So,,, there’s this one tune that’s stuck in my head and I just can’t seem to put it on paper” you started explaining

“Alright then, sing it for me” he chuckled

“Are you serious?? My voice sucks and I hate them” and you continue to bash yourself that you just hated singing

And that’s when Chan got so pissed as you were doubting yourself so very much

“Okay, listen here Y/N,,, stop doubting yourself that your voice sucks. No one has listened to your voice yet so stop saying that. I won’t judge you, I promise. And if you feel embarrassed, just think I’m invisible and look out of the window if you like”

You haven’t really had much choice and you really needed his help so you thought of about what he had just said

Without much hesitant, you decided to fuck it and just sing a piece of it~~~

After what you thought was the most painful and cringing moment of your whole entire life, it was actually the opposite for others (aka Christopher Bang)

Obviously he has listen to many artists voices before,,, but your voice just stands out differently than the others

He didn’t guess that you would have a strong and loud voice behind that insecure doubtfulness on the outside

“Y/N, you were obviously lying when you said that your voice sucks,,, Please… stop doubting yourself from now on. Your voice was beautiful, alright? And you can’t tell me otherwise”

Honestly, you knew you weren’t that bad,,, you heard it from other people as well that your voice is in the perfect pitch but you always had low self-esteem from the start :/

After Chan has reached your place, he had already given you some ideas and good advices for your song,,, like he even sang with what you have on the music sheet bc he is just that good ugh

You were pretty sh00ked that he has such an angelic voice even though he is only a music producer

“Chan, you should really go for some singing audition when you have the chance,,, your voice is to cry for and don’t get me started on your beautifully shaped fa-“

He raised his eyebrow and chuckled for the billion times

“E-Er w-what I meant-t to say is tha-t, we-ll er-m,,, how-w should I put this??”

“Y/N, we should grab some coffee next time when I’m free. I’ll call you. Plus I wanna hear the full song before it releases,,, until then have a nice day and stop doubting yourself kay?” he smiled happily

You had so many things to process, like it was coming all at once and you just don’t know where to start

And all you utter was “Thank you for helping me” before he drove off to his next customer but you made sure you properly thanks him when you meet the next time

You thought to yourself that this is probably the most amazing day of your life minus the part where you had to sing and you suddenly got the motivation to finish completing your song before you forget everything Chan had said

AND let me just tell you that the next coffee meeting with Chan was wayyy more faster than you expected it to be and your song,,,

Well, the end product was a big hit,, It went viral pretty quickly and it is all thanks to a random UBER driver you met on that one faithful day~~~

♡♡♡ AUTHOR NOTE ♡♡♡

Heloo fellow people who has came all the way to the end of this post, Hopefully, my imagine wasn’t that boring for you to skip it ;-; I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I did ❤️What do you guys wanna read next? Leave it in the comments below :)

Till next time, buh bye 👋🏻

- Isa ✨ -

#stray kids #straykidznet #stray kids scenarios #skzwriters #stray kids au #stray kids imagines #stray kids oneshot #bang chan #chan #bang chan scenarios #bang chan imagines #chan au #bang chan au #stray kids fanf #kpop #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #kpop oneshots #minhoeforminsung

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hasbeen-ballerina · 6 years

Text

god, two more pounds and I am in the 170s. I know that doesn’t seem like a huge deal, but that’ll literally be my lowest weight in 7 whole fucking years. After my parents died I gained a fuckkkk ton of weight. I went from being around 150-160 to 228 pounds due to the meds I was on, and the fact that I literally ate constantly. I wouldn’t say I turned to food as a comfort, because I think I would’ve weighed more, but I did eat way more than I should’ve been consuming. That combined with no exercise (for 7 years by the way, I can’t even imagine going one day without it now,) made me very unhealthy, not that I’m healthy now, but still. I wanted to point out some things I’ve noticed since I’ve lost a decent amount since January.

First off, I want to remind you all that this is extremely unhealthy, I’m not saying this is the way to lose weight and be happy, I just want to share my experience.

People talk to me more. I don’t know if it’s because of the weight loss, but I’ve noticed people actually want to sit next to me and have a conversation??

Bones. ITS SO NICE TO SEE AND FEEL THEM AGAIN, ugh. It’s like long time no see, buddy. Please don’t ever leave again.

I’m cold all the time. Freezing.

I get nasty looks from my cousin who constantly made rude comments on my appearance. She’s gaining weight. I saw her Kirby the whole fucking kitchen the other day, and it’s starting to show. Karma is a bitch.

I can walk better?? Like I used to be so out of breath after walks, and my thighs would be all gross from chafing. I would be super sweaty, and just gross. Now I feel lighter and I can just move easier.

I can squeeze past people with almost no issues. That was a big one for me, because I always felt like a whale when I’d push past someone and practically knock them over.

people I haven’t seen in a long time literally lose their shit when they see me. While I’m no where near my goal, it’s nice when people point out my progress.

I don’t get out of breath just from talking. (Yes that happened a lot, and it sucked.)

My back doesn’t hurt as much/often!

The floors creek less when I walk on them

I can do exercise without dying for hours after

All of my clothes are baggy on me, I have 0 (zero,) pants that fit me rn.

Did I mention my bones? Because I love them, and I missed them. I literally will stare at my neck/collarbones for hours, man. Just in shock and awe that I have them.

Also noticed my cousin (the one mentioned above,) wants nothing to do with me now that I’m losing weight. Honestly, it’s just hilarious to watch her scarf down three packs of pop tarts and 3 slices of pizza while I drink water.

People comment on how much better and happy I look. While yes, I’m starving myself and purging a decent amount, I am happier. I won’t lie to you guys. I am so much happier than I was in January at 228 pounds. But I don’t believe it is a long term happiness, and I know it won’t last.

Refusing food used to kill me inside, now I take pride in it.

I’ve become a wayyy better liar

I just feel better about myself. My confidence is still shit and I suck. Butttt I’m a piece of shit whose losing weight, so that’s an accomplishment.

Honestly though, most of these things could’ve been accomplished by a healthy diet and exercise, so please if you are not already down deep, then stop while you can. 7 months ago, I said I’d never be like the people I saw online, the people who lose everything to this shit, but I was wrong. I never thought I wouldn’t be able to sit down to a meal without having a panic attack and fasting all day. I want to purge after only consuming 100 calories all day. I sob and have a literal mental breakdown if my routine is not follow to a T. I ate barely a scoop of pasta and a quarter of a biscuit yesterday and had to drink until I was literally intoxicated to keep myself from purging it. And I still tried to. One of my platonic girlfriends was so proud of me for eating foods that give me anxiety, and I felt so guilty for letting her down. I feel shitty everytime my sister cooks me a vegetarian meal, and I throw it away. My family sees that I’m not eating and they blame themselves for not getting more vegetarian friendly foods, and that sucks. Long story short, yes, this does have its benefits, but if you start this shit, you have to claw your way out, and while I’m proud of the few who can fully recover and live a normal life, a lot of people can’t do that. Don’t risk it. Just exercise and eat healthy. Because no matter how much you think it won’t happen to you,

it will.

#tw ed #thinspo #long ass post about my progress

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sarohara · 3 years

Text

You both like Friends.

Stranger: 1

You: 2

Stranger: 3

You: 4

Stranger: 5

You: what is that

You: hahaha

You: 6

Stranger: 7

You: 8

Stranger: I don't know

Stranger: 9

You: I don't either

You: 10

Stranger: Damn u lost

Stranger: U got 2 numbers

You: No I didn't!!!

Stranger: Yeah u did!

You: ohhhhhhhh

Stranger: You just a sore loser

You: Shut up darling

Stranger: Damnnn we are moving fast honey

You: We are? No idea what you're talking about, hun

Stranger: Hmmm maybe I'm crazy suger

You: Yes you are

Stranger: Yeah probably I did say to people that I shat my pants for like a couple minutes ago

You: Hahahahahahaha

You: what did they say?

Stranger: Well nothing much most skiped and some did say great or why

You: Hahahah I mean...lmao there isn't really much to say

Stranger: True true

Stranger: Tho it would spice up the conversation

Stranger: Can't be bothered to say hi all the time

Stranger: It's boring

You: I mean, if you're on omegle it's because you're bored so it makes sense that is boring duh

Stranger: Yeah true true

Stranger: I have heard boring to many times now that it's starting to get annoying when I see the word boring

You: Yeah right? So boring!!!

Stranger: Haha I see what you did there 🥲

You: Hahahah did you?

Stranger: Yupp

Stranger: Soo where u from

You: Brazil, you?

Stranger: Sweden

You: that's pretty cool

You: and what's ur name again?

Stranger: Brazil is much cooler tho

You: I mean, not again

Stranger: My name is Eddy and you?

You: I don't think so, hun

You: Eddy, it sounds like a nickname actually

You: Like Ed

Stranger: It is actually

You: Sheeran

You: Oh yea?

Stranger: Yea

Stranger: My real name is tooo weird and hard to pronounce

You: Tell me

Stranger: Whats your name

You: Sarah!

Stranger: Nice too meet you Sarah!

Stranger: Well my real name is Erdijan

You: Nice to meet u too!

Stranger: Bet you can't pronounce it

You: Oh shoot.

You: Erdijan

Stranger: Hint the E is silent

You: That's...hard

Stranger: Yup that's why I say my name is Eddy

You: well Erdijan is a nice name tho

You: Exotic I guess?

Stranger: Thank you 😊

Stranger: Haha yeah 🤣 it is

You: Np :)

You: Hahaha I can tell!

Stranger: So Sarah how old are you

You: Take a guess, Eddy

Stranger: Hmmmm 17

You: Closeee

Stranger: 18

You: 16

Stranger: Whaaattt no wayyy

You: 17 in two months

Stranger: Same here

You: Ohh that's dope!!

Stranger: Oh wow happy early birthday

You: hahahah thank you!!!!

Stranger: My birthday is like in 4 mounts I think

You: Hmmm november?

Stranger: Close but its October

You: You mean three months hahah

Stranger: Oh shit

You: Where's your math bro

You: hahahah jk!!

Stranger: I actually don't know

Stranger: I suck at math but I still got a D

Stranger: I gotta thank my teacher who helped me cheat

You: What does a D mean tho?

You: Hahaha you had such a cool teacher huh

Stranger: It's the grade we got on here so it's like F E D C B A so on

Stranger: F is the worst and A is the best

You: Ohhh I see!!!

You: we got like 7 8 9 10

Stranger: Hahah nahhh she used to scream at me at first because I sucked at math so much

You: Numbers, not letters

Stranger: Oh wow really

Stranger: I never knew that

Stranger: I thought everyone had like F - A

You: I thought everyone had like 7-10

You: ahahahhah

Stranger: Hahah then we both are wrong

You: Yess!!

Stranger: Soo what are your hobbies Sarah

You: Dancing

You: Writing

Stranger: Oh really

You: Napping

You: Eating

Stranger: I gotta learn how to dance

You: well I can help you sometime hahaha

Stranger: Hahha maybe one day

You: Yea lmao

You: What are your hobbies?

Stranger: Breathing and just trying to stay alive at this point

You: don't tell me you're depressed

Stranger: Nah I like to work out little bit and just chill

Stranger: Nahhh

Stranger: I'm not

You: Oh! good!!

You: You like to work out???

Stranger: Yeah like going to the gym and so on

You: I've never heard anyone say that they like to work out

Stranger: Tho I have only been going to the gym now 1 month I think

You: Trying to get fit?

Stranger: Yeah well I didn't like it in the beginning until my friend forced me to work out with him

Stranger: Yupp

You: He forced you? That's how you know he's a real one

You: Hahahahaha

Stranger: My friend is always calling me when im going to sleep somehow its like he knows what I'm doing

Stranger: Hahah definitely

Stranger: Now its me that is calling him to go work out

You: Hahahah the tables have turned!

Stranger: Hahaha for sure 🤣

You: 🤣

Stranger: Dude is always saying to me if you don't come today u got to do more the next day

Stranger: He's a real one

You: Hahahahahaha I wish I had that kind of friends

Stranger: Hahaha yeah those people are the greatest

You: I bet, dude

You: 🤣

Stranger: But ngl the dude is damn jacked up

Stranger: I knew this dude for 6 years and I didn't see him for a couple months

Stranger: Dude got so big I didn't know it was him

You: Oh wow!!!

Stranger: Soo what about you do you some friends like that

You: My friends are as lazy as me

You: So...no

Stranger: Hahah well thats still good

Stranger: It's fun to be lazy as long as you guys hang out

You: We don't really..anymore

Stranger: Oh damn for real what happened

You: I mean we do, but not as much as we used to, ya know?

You: Like covid stuff, it's still kinda tough in Brazil

You: and most of them started to work so...

You: They're becoming adults haha

Stranger: Oh wow already

Stranger: Well time is changing but don't worry tho ones corona is gone I bet you will get friends and start to hang out with then

Stranger: Them

Stranger: Same here for me too cause all my friends are now changing school because we are starting college

You: Hopefully!!

You: Starting college at 16??

Stranger: Yupp

Stranger: We got a different school system

You: That's impressive

Stranger: Highschool is like 7-9 graders they are like 14 to 16 years old

Stranger: Then we got to college

You: I'll be starting at like 17

You: Ohhh got it!

You: That's so cool

You: I wish

Stranger: Yeah its cool tho it sucks my friends I got to know these 3 years are going to different schools and so on

Stranger: But im lucky tho cause I got like 5 friends

Stranger: So we will probably meet again

You: Oh yeah I feel ya

You: 5 friends, that's a lot I would say haha

Stranger: Haha are you sure about that 😅

Stranger: Well I wasn't that popular or had many friends in school so I'm glad I finally left that school

Stranger: There was annoying people there

You: I mean, that's a lot if they're like..real ones you know? It's a good amount

Stranger: True true

You: Yeah annoying people, that's life

Stranger: One of my "Friends" almoste stole my jacket from me in our first year

Stranger: Friend

You: Hahahahaha I don't blame them

Stranger: Hahaha well it's alright I forgave him

You: I mean my friends used to do that a lot but like..it wasn't really stealing you know

Stranger: When my big brother found out oh boy he was mad as hell and called that dude and terrorized him

You: omg whyyyy

Stranger: Well this dude was stealing from me

Stranger: He didn't even say nothing to ne

Stranger: Me

You: I mean..he was your friend

You: Couldn't you just ask him to give it back to you?

Stranger: Dude put my jacket in his backpack and acted like he was trying to help me find it

Stranger: Nope

You: Oh no!!1

You: He wasn't a real one

Stranger: Yup that's why I said "friend"

Stranger: I had to last out with him for 3 years straight

You: oh ya you did haha

You: Dang

Stranger: Dude was always talking about girls and so on

Stranger: Nothing else just girls

You: Did you get your jacket back tho?

Stranger: Yep

You: Oh that's annoying

You: Like only talk about girls and guys

Stranger: Funny thing is he came to my home and tried to return it tho I wasn't at home when my mom found out ufff she was screaming at him

Stranger: Dude got scared by my mom

Stranger: Yeah too anyoning

You: Dang...

You: kinda embarrassing

Stranger: Dude didn't stop we always said talk about something else

Stranger: Yeah

You: Ugh If I were you I would probably just ignore him

You: or something

You: and Eddy

Stranger: Well I did try

Stranger: Didn't work

Stranger: Yeah sarah

You: Do you have any social media?

You: Instagram..

Stranger: Yeah I got snap insta

Stranger: Yeah I do

Stranger: My insta is Dumbass_Eddy

You: Ohh Imma follow you there hold up

You: wait ahahahah

You: dumbass eddy? hahahahahah

You: that's funny

Stranger: Hahaha yeah

Stranger: Thanks

Stranger: Well I am a dumbass sometimes

You: I guess everybody

Stranger: True true

Stranger: Well Sarah add me on insta

Stranger: Because I got to go to sleep

Stranger: It's like 3am for me

You: ohh okay :) goodnight!!

Stranger: Good night Il talk to you tomorrow

You: Alright eddy :) see ya

Stranger: See yaaa

1 note · View note

kavurtz · 4 years

Text

I like girls.

This mainly for me I can’t write this in my notes bc my mom checks it sooo yea. If you know me n you read this I don’t care lel

I think being gay ain’t a choice. As I grow I realize that shit isn’t I used to think it was and if you really wanted to if you were a girl you could just stop liking women or if your a dude you can stop liking a dude. As a child looking back I was fr in denial.

I like a girl on my bus. Her hair was naturally curly and she had a beautiful smile. She always wore cherry lipgloss and it made her face shine fr. She was kind..and always gave me a snack on the bus. She was a junior while I was a 7th grader.. and I know she was straight as a pole too. I thought about her a lot and uh well I would always tel myself why am I thinking of a girl gross. I suppressed feelings for girls through the whole year. If I saw a gay couple I would always tell myself to see that it’s disgusting and bad. Moving on into 8th grade year.

I was 14 and I invited a girl I liked to my birthday party! Her name was jada her skin glowed under the sunlight fr. Skin was smooth too and a nice dark chocolate. I really liked her personality she was super cool to talk to man and she was super funny I did everything with her. At the party you know my dumb self I can’t really hide if I like someone..maybe acting kinda flirtatious with movements and touchyness? Ion know lol. But my mom noticed. I was stare at jada just analyze her. That whole day felt everyone was moving in slow motion while I was going real time. After the party which was awesome btw my mom took me home..best birthday turned into the fucking worst one in 2 seconds

TRAMATIZING

I remeber this day vividly. Shit was traumatizing. My mom sat me down at the dinning table said that she wanted to talk. That’s never good so I just sat down in fear. She asked me “Do you like Jada” in denial I obviously told her no and said stupid shit like being gay is wrong and I could never like a girl that’s against the Bible! My mom didn’t believe one word of it though. She said “if I find out you are gay like women or ever want to be a man or whatever you will be kicked out of this house and we will never accept you you will be a disappointment to the whole family” I stomached that awfully. I ran to my room bro lmao and just cried the whole night. I told myself I can choose to not like girls so I just kept telling myself bro you like boys boys are cool girls are nasty you could never date a girl. I always had that in my mind and it ruined me forever. No like actually that shit fucked me up I started doing shit I was not supposed to do thinking I was going around my feelings bro. Anyways FAST FORAWRD TO 9th grade

9th grade was actually a hella good year for me no cap. I met some awesome freinds and even have a new click with them along with many others. But there’s this certain girl bro NOW NOW WAIT let me tell you sim bro my taste in girls completely like FLIPPED I used to clown girls who wore like stripped crop tops and vans and those like boot shoes irl that softgirl awesthetic look. Something like that. But now that’s the type of girls I like. Dorky girls that dress like that. I used to like girls that were “bad” wore the most on brand clothes like Nike and shit like there fit was nice as hell. Now don’t get me wrong I still love that fashion I just prefer the other one WAYYY more. Yoooo anyway. I’m in 9th grade in band and like there’s this girl she play the clarinet and like she has grey blue eyes her eyes pretty asab I don’t care. She’s a dork lol she is goofy and dances funny out of no where idk why she does that but she does lol. Now listen man I’m not a creep! But I would just stare at her sometimes at like games for football just stare at her idk why but I did I liked looking at her eyes a lot bc they were pretty THATS it. She found out i liked her tho idk who the hell either told her or if she found out by herself but uh ye I didn’t really care tho cuz I was like I can’t like girls anyway that’s gross ha ha ha bull shIT. Bru it was even worse cuz she had a whole ass girl bro I did not give a FUCK 😂😂 nahhh fast forward again. Her and her girlfreind like broke up like her girl broke up with her. And I remeber getting that text and I always joke around saying if that happened I would YESSSIRRR AYEEE LETSSS GOOO but I was actually upset. I was like bro what the hell? I got to school n like she was there crying. I would have comforted her more but I just kinda stood down and said I was sorry and that everything would be alright. Everytime I saw that girl I was mad at her giving her ugly looks man I was so mad 😂😂 but why was I feeling like this bro idk! I just was! I still kinda feel bad but everything happen for a reason man but uh let’s unpack that that girl was the actuall like ACTUALL first girl I liked her fashion personality and all that shit was perfect 😂 we still go to school together I’m in the 10th grade I don’t like her anymore tho but she is a good friend of mine

ALRIGHT this for me. Listen man! As of right now today you are confused lol. You don’t really know who you are and you still teynna figure it out and that’s ok! You like girls and that’s ok. Do you know why you like girls? Let’s give all the reasons..reason 1 because you can reason 2 because you can reason 3 BECAUSE YOU CAN! It’s just how you feel it sucks hc you really tried running away from that truth saying I can choose to not but guess what you always end up right back here 😂 liking another female 😂😂 damnnn bro I know parents ain’t accepting and that shit is tough but maybe one day ONE day they will come around I hope man they are so homophobic it’s scary literally can’t even sing a song without my dad being transphobic.. nah but fr didn’t god make us this way..? Wouldn’t he know this was gonna happen? God makes no mistakes and here I am he made me a female but I feel like a boy I ask god everyday what is going on and what do I do am I supposed to be feeling this way? I have not gotten my answer yet but don’t worry god will asnwer I don’t feel comfortable being a girl that’s why we always pretended to be someone else and that shit isn’t cool nor good for us. I’m happy to say we stopped doing that shit and that we finally trying to be ourselves we even changed our HAIR to look more masculine ahaha we look good now time for the fashion. Go shopping with freinds because you can only shop comfortably with them shopping with mom sucks bc she judge everything you pick and say it too boyish ugh I hate that saying like god damn. I wish I could wear polos and tuxes n shit I hate wearing dresses and skirts bro it’s awful! NAH BUT LOOK BRO WE WORKIN ON OURSELF YEEESSSIR ! I’m logging that shit everyday! IM NOT TRYNNA LOOK LIKE LIL TECCA BUT UHHH MY LEGS AINT IT I HATE THEM 😂 we gettin their tho it take time by the time I a junior i want people to see a change 😂 one last thing is never do sum you uncomfortable with. You stay doing that for other people and it’s trashy 😑 ok well I’m going it’s uh 11/19/20 sooo yeeee! See you in 2021 Kayden ! Check back wihh ty me with the date

Ok no more

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keziacole · 7 years

Text

tagged by @bumbleblossoms - thank you!

Tagged Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people.

THE LAST:

1. Drink: Coffeeeeeee

2. Phone call: My partner, just as they left the dentist. :( 3. Text message: Motherbot 2.0 4. Song you listened to: Been Caught Stealing – Jane’s Addiction 5. Time you cried: Uh… some point in the last couple months, I guess? Not sure when, but it was at something related to dogs. Honestly, I did most of my crying last year, during The Year From Hell, and I’m still a bit dried out.

6-92 under the cut. :)

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: As in getting back together again? Nooooo. 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: …yup. Often. Sometimes not until a long while later, though! 8. Been cheated on: Not to my knowledge. 9. Lost someone special: Yep. 10. Been depressed: Eh, I’ve never been diagnosed with depression, so no, I don’t think so. Situationally really fucked off with things? Yes. 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Once. Story time, everyone!

So, I generally have a really good alcohol tolerance and a cast iron stomach (not necessarily for good reasons, but hey), but I did once go to a party that ended very badly. I was about 17, had recently been diagnosed with CFS, and was on a heavy painkiller regimen. I drank when I shouldn’t really have done so, because bullshit and All the Emotional Drama, BUT… I did not know that my friend’s asshole brother had spiked my drink. (He was a peach. Gave his 14 year old brother acid once just to point and laugh at the result. Fuckin’ hated that guy.)

At some point in the evening – somewhere after the sham marriages, interpretative dance, and someone putting someone else through a table, because teen parties – I realised I was wayyy more wasted than I should have been, despite the painkillers, and I ended up spending all night hallucinating and throwing up, plus feeling horrific for about three days afterwards.

Moral of the story: if you spike people’s drinks, you are a gigantic bag of toe lint and should suffer mosquito bites on your asshole for a thousand years. The end.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12. Purple 13. Red 14. Blue

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: Not yet. Befriend me, tumblr, you’re my only hope. 16. Fallen out of love: No, though I have watched my relationship with at least one family member crumble into dust. Does that count? 17. Laughed until you cried: At least four times a week. Which is one big reason why I’m marrying that motherfucker. 18. Found out someone was talking about you: Yes. See 16. 19. Met someone who changed you: Not yet. 20. Found out who your friends are: Yes, sadly. It sucks when you realise how effectively someone has manipulated the people around you. 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: Nah, I don’t really do the FB thing. I should, I guess?

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: See above. I kind of have a profile, but I only use it to message people I’m related to who are freaking obsessed with Facebook and won’t communicate any other way. Ugh. So… most of them? I guess? 23. Do you have any pets: One dog – Hector, a grumpy and elderly terrier - down from two resident mutts and a boatload of fosters. Older dog died last year, and I’m not in a position to foster right now, which sucks, because I miss having a house full of beasties, not to mention making a difference. 24. Do you want to change your name: Already have done/am doing! I have no real interest in keeping up with more than 80% of the people I’m related to, and I never liked my birth name, plus this is easier to spell and dictate to people, and isn’t known by the abusive assholes in my life. So, yay! 25. What did you do for your last birthday: Ordered pizza and watched favourite movies with my partner. We did The Blues Brothers and shit-talked the progression of police militarisation in the US over the past 30 years, and it was incredibly fun, despite the fact we’re 3000 miles apart right now. Also, they remembered my birthday, which is more than can be said for over two-thirds of the people I’m related to. 26. What time did you wake up: 9am, but in my defence I was up until 3 last night.

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Talking shit with my partner, knitting an afghan, and watching foster kitten cams and reviews of awful movies together, because these are good ways to help someone who has a dental appointment in the morning try to stay calm. 28. Name something you can’t wait for: Getting my current backlog of work finished. Sooo clooose…. Promised myself a movie and gaming binge when I’m done. 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: Last week. 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: Either having enough money to fix all my problems (yes, in this case, money most certainly can do that), or just being on the same continent as my partner, so we didn’t have this immigration thing to worry about. Not having a debilitating illness that fucks everything up would be pretty awesome, too. 31. What are you listening right now: Freddie King 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yep, many Toms. All the Toms. Well, like, five plus. 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: Not knowing whether or not the electrician is going to show up tomorrow, which will mean I need to move the paintings and quilt top I currently have all over the sitting room floor. I’m not done piecing that thing yet. Grr. 34. Most visited website: Lots. Mostly Google, Politico, Reuters etc., but I’m living on eBay right now because I’m trying to sell off a bunch of DVDs, books, and vintage glassware. …Does anyone want to buy some vintage/antique glassware? 35. Mole/s: Yep. I had one removed from my back once. Turned out to be benign (phew!) but I got an interesting scar out of it. 36. Mark/s: I still have a faint surgery scar on my elbow, but it doesn’t look as Frankenstein-y now. Most of my scars have faded, but I still have some weird idiosyncrasies from things that have been broken or busted up. 37. Childhood dream: Writing was always my main thing, but also acting/directing. Illness took that away. Other than that, I always wanted to live somewhere rural with lots of animals, and be happy. 39. Long or short hair: Long. Lots. It’s huge. Send help. I like both on other people. 40. Do you have a crush on someone: Not right now. Give me ten minutes and a new Fet profile to stalk and I’ll get back to you... 41. What do you like about yourself: I’m a creative dynamo and I don’t stop until I fall down. I’m also proud of the fact that I’m a pretty compassionate and patient person, and I like the fact I’m slow to really anger. Someone told me recently I’m a very stabilising influence, and that was nice to hear. I feel like life can use more of that. 42. Piercings: Ears (two left, three right), nose (left). More on the way, maybe, when I can justify it. 43. Blood type: ???? I should check. I know the NHS won’t let me donate blood because of my medical condition, which blows. 44. Nickname: Zia. Some people call me Kez. One person is allowed to call me Admiral Fuckface McAsshole III. 45. Relationship status: Open relationship with my primary partner, technically speaking. Poly is good, but my planner is too cluttered for anarchy. 46. Zodiac: Aries w/ Aquarius moon, Virgo ascendant. I also have Mars and Venus in Taurus, so mooooo. And yes, I did used to do natal charts for beer money. I read palms, too. I’d still do it if asked nicely. 47. Pronouns: They/She. I don’t mind feminine pronouns, because I’m incredibly cis-passing and most people will assume “she”, plus I can live with being labelled female if it’s a binary choice, but I see myself more as a person than a gender, so I love that neutral pronouns are being used so much more now.

FWIW, I considered whether or not I was trans for a hot minute when I was a younger teen, because I used to love passing as a boy when I was a kid (until puberty at nine. Boo.), but for me it was the difference in how I was treated when I passed as male that mattered. It was the difference between “Oh, isn’t he confident and intelligent?” and “Hello, sweetie, don’t you look pretty today?” that affected me, not a real sense of dysphoria, so I decided the problem wasn’t really in how I presented, but in society itself. I have yet to really find a satisfying way of rectifying that, but I think we’re all making progress as a society. It’s very slow progress, sadly.

48. Favorite TV Show: I don’t watch that many series, but Star Trek (especially TOS and DS9), X-Files (S1/S2), Game of Thrones, old mystery adaptations (all the Agatha Christie ever), Stranger Things, Better Call Saul, Breaking Bad… can’t think of anything else right now, but there are some. 49. Tattoos: One black and grey dotwork spiral goddess on my arm, next one coming soon (watch this space, now I’ve found an artist!) 50. Right or left hand: Ambidextrous. Yes, I can write with both hands. Sometimes, I switch in the middle of the sentence. No, it doesn’t look the same. I can also operate light switches with my toes from a standing position. 51. Surgery: I fucked up my ulnar nerve a couple of years ago by blacking out and falling on some stairs. It was melodramatic, and I lost the use of my left hand. Had surgery to correct it. I was awake but a bit sedated, and spent most of the time talking to the cute anaesthetist about chastity cages. Because... sedated? Yes. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Sadly, he did not call, though I’m pretty sure he did a lot of googling when he got home that night. 52. Hair dyed in different color: Always, since I discovered Olaplex, which means I can actually bleach my hair without it completely frying. Most recently, I’ve had a mermaid fantasy in turquoise, green, and purple, but it’s faded a lot. Not sure what I’ll do next. Maybe orange, or neon yellow again. 53. Sport: I can’t do much without turning blue and blacking out, but I’ve always enjoyed tennis, badminton, swimming, and equestrian stuff. Is hiking a sport? Hiking’s fun. 54. Do you use sarcasm a lot: Um...

55. Vacation: Last one was to see my partner; next one will be too. So, the woods of NEPA. Hiking out with some granola and my favourite human, and spending a few days playing with shelter pitbulls. <3 Otherwise, I’ve never really been on holiday. I went on a school trip to Germany once where I nearly got arrested and, when I was seven, I went to Malta and there was a hurricane. I remember wedging wet towels into the window frames and hoping we didn’t die, because we were on the twelfth floor and there was nowhere else to go.

I did go to Norfolk with my mother for four days after her breast cancer diagnosis. Macmillan, a cancer charity that is very worthy of support, granted her a short break. There was a lot of playing dominos and trying to convince her she wasn’t actively dying at that precise moment.

56. Pair of trainers: Converse. All the ratty old Converse low tops in the world.

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: I have the house to myself right now. It’s awesome. I’m celebrating with homemade shiitake tofu stir fry, wontons, vegetable udon… and doughnuts. Not in the same bowl, though. 58. Drinking: Rum.

59. I’m about to: Finish a short story, close out an editing project, format a print galley (again. Goddamnit, Adobe.), and try to finalise the running order of a poetry collection. Maybe send some emails, maybe eat the rest of those wontons. 61. Waiting for: The dizziness to go away, usually. 62. Want: The time, space, peace and quiet to focus on my work, and my health to cooperate long enough for that to happen. 63. Get married: As soon as possible, which basically means when we can afford it, because immigration, legal wrangling, and a ton of other bullshit. It’s a headache, but if there weren’t so many technical hurdles it would already be done. 64. Career: I write and make stuff. I’m doing it under a new name now, which is daunting, because it means starting over again, but I’ve spent the past few years doing a lot of genre fiction and being told my original work is “too original”… but I’m ready to say “fuck you” to that and see what I can carve out for myself. Come on, internet: don’t prove me wrong, ‘k? 65. Hugs or kisses: Ooh, tough. Yes? I guess hugs if I have to pick. 66. Lips or eyes: Eyes. 67. Shorter or taller: I honestly don’t care, though I do very much enjoy short subs. Pocket rockets are adorable. 68. Older or younger: It really doesn’t matter. 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: Arms, I guess? Doesn’t really matter. It’s all pretty to look at, but who really cares? Arms are best for hugs. 71. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive. I don’t like too loud. 72. Hook up or relationship: Define the terms, yo. I’d say relationship, but the definition of “relationship” can be open to numerous things. 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Um… possibly a bit of both, but more hesitant, probably.

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a stranger: No. 75. Drank hard liquor: Yup.

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: I once dropped a contact lens down the back of a gas fire and spent three hours getting it out with Vaseline on a paperclip. My vision is awful and I wore very expensive gas permeable lenses at the time. 77. Turned someone down: Yup. 78. Sex on the first date: Nothing wrong with it (and nothing wrong with sex being the date), but it’s not for me. 79. Broken someone’s heart: So they said. 80. Had your heart broken: Yes, but not how you might assume. 81. Been arrested: Nope. 82. Cried when someone died: Yep. 83. Fallen for a friend: A couple of times, with varying degrees of success.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: I try to, because few other people often do. (*the world’s tiniest violin plays*) 85. Miracles: Yes, sometimes in the form of coincidences, surprises, or the results of hard work. I believe in inverse miracles, too, when things go catastrophically wrong for no apparent reason. Or, as we call it at my house, Tuesday. 86. Love at first sight: Yes, in a way. Potential for love at first sight, I guess? I’ve usually found I know the moment I meet someone whether that’s a thing that’s going to happen or not. 87. Santa Claus: YES, DAMN IT. Okay, maybe not a literal dude in a red suit, but as a personification of the generous spirit of Non-Denominational-Winter-Solstice-and-Festival-of-Lights, he works. (I’m an eclectic neo-pagan/hedgewitch, but my most loved time of year is the whole October-February period, so I start celebrating Yule/Christmas around December 1st and don’t stop until Twelfth Night. I will take ALL of your symbolism, ALL your traditions, and – most importantly – ALL your festive foods and embrace them. In my belly. Thank you.)

88. Kiss on the first date: Probably. Unless it’s a baaaaad first date. 89. Angels: Again, not so much the literal sense, but it’d be nice to think there are positive presences looking out for us. I’d be very concerned about the serpent-like pillars of fire, though.

OTHER:

90. Current best friends name: Aside from my dog, that’s my partner but they don’t like their details shared, so SHHHH IT’S A SECRET. 91. Eye color: grey-blue-thing 92. Favorite movie: You can’t just ask a person that at the end of the thing like it’s a simple question…! So. Many. Movies. Depends on the genre. The Blues Brothers, Priscilla: Queen of the Desert, Gattaca, Silence of the Lambs, Re-Animator, Die Hard, Stand By Me, Sleepaway Camp, Alien, Lady in a Cage, Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead, TRHPS, The Great Escape… those are movies I can watch a billion times (and have done). Honorable mentions, depending on my mood, go to things like Basket Case, Caramel, An American Werewolf in London, Exterminating Angel, Secretary, Gran Torino… I could have done 92 questions just on the most popularist movies I like!

tagging: I’ve been away for a few days and I don’t wanna tag people who’ve already done it, so if you’re reading this and want to do it, consider yourself tagged! <3

#get to know me #personal #long post

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survivorbermuda-blog · 6 years

Text

TIM’S RITES OF PASSAGE PART 1

30th: Constance- Rest in peace Constance. I wanted to play this game with you very badly but it just didn't turn out well for you. Where ever you are now I hope its going good.

29th: Mark- Mark! I never got to meet you or play with you in this game but I hope you're a nice dude and I'll see you post season!

28th: Nick Nox- Other Nick! Unfortunately I didn't have the chance to meet you either but I look forward to meeting you eventually!

27th: JOEY- JOEY I'm so sorry that you left. I had no control over you going home and its unfortunate that someone quit and we still had to vote. I really did want to work with you and I enjoyed our talks that we had on the newbie tribe. I hope you're putting your skills at use and cooking yourself up a win in a future game. You were a really cool guy but everyone else just wanted you gone :/. Miss ya bro

26th: Elliot- Elliot you're the best! Although unfortunately our tribe flopped in challenges and since you socialized the least with the rest of the tribe, you had to go sorry. I knowww that you're such a kind individual just from the little talking that we've done and I can't wait till we combine our wholesomeness once again.

25th: Dom Rou- Dom! I never got to meet you either which sucks but I hope to see you post game.

24th: Lily Lim- Lily!!! Omg once the swap happened we were all so shook and the vote just happened to be you. I had a bunch of fun talking to you at such wierd times because of our timezone differences and I wish you the best of luck!

23rd: Madison- Madison! I didn't get the chance to meet you either! I hope you're doing ok though.

22nd: Julian- This 30 person season sure is full of people I didn't get a chance to meet. See ya soon julian!

21st: Asya- ASYA you going home was sooo tragic and I didn't see it coming at all. I love you oh so much and I really wish that you werr able to make merge. I think that you deserved to nake it :/. I can't wait to catch up with you black femme icon.

20th: Saxon- Beckysbasic er I mean Saxon!! Ah king how I miss you so! It really sucked to see you go but us newbies just got steamrolled in tbe game. Also KING of finding that idol but idk why you used it rip. I can't wait to see you again and just talk about basically anything lol.

19th: Ryan- Phew ok um. I didn't meet you either but I hope I can!

18th: Dylan- I didn't meet you but I hope you're doing good pardner yeehaw.

17th: Haley- Ah Haley!! I DID meet you! even if it was for a couple rounds. You seemed so full of energy and life.

16th: Blake- BLAKE KING OF SURVIVING TRIBALS. JESUS CHRIST how did you do it for so long! Ugh I miss you and the french connection that we had wayyy back on original Regatta and the iconicness that was just radiating from you at all times. I wish you had made it back in the game and I'm so sad that you went out right before merge. You're literally THE definition of a pre-merge robbed king. Vous êtes un ami génial!

15th: Tee- TEE my literal ally since the beginning of the game! We fought so hard together and we did it in my eyes. You being with me was extremely crucial for my premerge game because i know we had eachothers backs 100%. That first merge vote was so tragic when Matt pulled out that idol because we had majority and you were going to stay and fight on like the true champion that you are. I'm glad that you were at least able to make the merge because you're literally so awesome and kind in my opionion. I hope I can make it to the end for you and make you proud. Miss you like I miss OG Regatta :' ).

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cdubs271-blog · 6 years

Text

Bachelor Recap - Arie Ep.2

Hello everyone. Arie almost made it into the endzone before either or Georgia or Alabama. Let's take a look at the action...

Arie shows up on a motorcycle and leather jacket. Chris Harrison shows up in an perfectly fitted untuckit shirt. Advantage Harrison.

1v1 w/Becca K

Becca and Arie go on a motorcycle ride. Upon seeing the beautiful scenery, Becca mentions, "We're not in Kansas anymore." No shit. Was it the mountains or the Pacific Ocean that gave it away? But Matt, you say, surely she meant it as a cliche. Well, that's even worse! Don't bring common cliches to the Bachelor. This isn't "The Amazing Race".

Anywho, they end up meeting Rachel Zoe and Becca gets to try on a lot of dresses in front of Arie, which is kind of creepy. She ends up getting to keep all of the dresses she tried on (plus shoes! and earrings!) and then the Producers are in mid-season form already as they have her bring all of her swag back to the mansion for everyone else to see. Quality Bacheloring right there.

At dinner, Arie gives her a necklace. (Damn, Arie! How much bling you gonna give her. It's the first date. Don't blow the whole season's budget on the first night.) Becca talks about her father dying from brain cancer. Arie is moved. Becca ends up getting a rose, some confetti and some serious swag. A very productive first date for her.

Bama/UGA is at 0-0. My decision to watch the Bachelor instead is looking good so far.

1v1 w/Krystal

Upon hearing she's getting a date, Krystal proclaims she needs to get some beauty sleep. Cut to the next morning and it looks like her plan worked. Let's get on a plane!

We get to see Arie's house. It's a nice single family house with an open concept. ABC doesn't own HGTV, so my dream of a Bachelor/Property Brothers crossover isn't going to happen. But it should. Better yet, let's get a little Chip and Joanna Gaines action. First lady to profess her love of shiplap gets a rose.

We also get to see some home video footage of Arie that just happens to be lying around. As a child, Arie is incredibly blond. He is now a mix of grey with black highlights. Holy Just for Men! What happened?

We then have some boilerplate "family is important" convos as Arie takes Krystal to meet his family. At dinner, Krystal tells our Bachelor that she grew up in a "less traditional sense." Oooooooohhhh! Did she grow up in a circus? Hippie commune? A dystopian society where children are selected to compete in a compulsory annual televised death match?

No. Divorced. Mom was emotionally distant.

C'mon, Krystal. This is the big leagues. You've gotta do better than that.

Wait? Your brother is homeless and doesn't want to leave the streets! Now, we're getting somewhere.

After dinner, Krystal gets a rose and gets to be serenaded by Connor Duermit, who probably has a cousin that is an associate producer on the show or something. Becca gets multiple dresses, earrings, shoes and a necklace. Krystal gets Connor Duermit. Advantage Becca...and Chris Harrison (just because).

Still 0-0 between Bama/UGA. I'm a genius.

Group Date

15 women. Demolition Derby! Excuse me while I open up my "woman driver joke" folder. I knew having that would come in handy some day. This looks like a fun date, but Annaliese is crying. Why? Because she has painful memories of being caught in a bumper car pile-up as a child.

Sigh. However, that bumper car montage! Well done, producers. A+ Bacheloring.

Annaliese sucks it up and decides to do the derby. Beka, who may have just gotten her learner's permit, is highlighted by the producers. However, Seinne and Tia make it the longest, with Sienne as your winner.

Brittany T doesn't join everyone for drinks after because of getting injured during the derby. Lame. Arie walks in wearing a grey cardigan, which instantly makes him look 20 years older. Jesus, Arie. Take a look in the mirror before you go outside.

Chelsea steals Arie right away. Tells him about her son. Angers the rest of the women. The other 14 start trying to figure out who's turn is next to be with Arie. Just make a list, ladies! Holy hell.

BIbiana is pissed that she isn't getting time with Arie. She storms out of the main room saying "I don't have a strategy." Ugh, clearly. It's ok to have a plan of attack here, Bibs. It's The Bachelor, not the college football championship (which is now at 6-0 UGA, with all points coming from the next Bachelor).

This brings us to Beka kissing with Arie. Between Arie's grey hair/cardigan combo and Beka still being on a curfew, the only person who wasn't weirded out by this was Roy Moore.

Arie gives Seinne the rose after giving a head-fake to Chelsea. Suck it, Chelsea.

Rose Ceremony

"The stakes are raised." Once again, ladies. It's The Bachelor. The stakes are never not raised.

Arie checks on Brittany T to see how she's doing. He then gives her a "Most Hardcore" award certificate for how well she did in the demolition derby. This is BS, because if she was really the "Most Hardcore", she would have made it to the cocktail party, concussion or no. Alcohol helps concussions. That's science.

Bekah talks about her "make out sesh" with Arie. This is turning into the weirdest Babysitters' Club Book ever. Also, how the hell does she afford that fur on a nanny's salary?

Krystal is getting Bachelor Syndrome very early. You're locked up in a mansion without no contact to the outside world and your sole purpose is to try to get one guy to love you. Common sense and basic human decency quickly fade. She's interrupting people left and right, even though she's got a rose. She's going a little Stage 5 clinger over here.

At the Rose ceremony, Valerie, Lauren G and Jenny don't receive roses. Maquel gets the first rose. Standard fare until Jenny won't give Arie a hug good-bye. Jenny didn't want to leave her newly-made friends (Arie...meh) and has also never been dumped before. Uhhhhh....me too.

Spare Thoughts

Special thanks to ABC for putting the rose ceremony back at the end of the episode.

Bibiana looks wayyy different with her hair pulled back vs her hair down. She also could easily be traded to Real Housewives of New Jersey and not miss a beat.

Bachelor contestant application questions:

What are your measurements?

What is your saddest personal life story?

Valerie did her best Melisandre cosplay for the rose ceremony. The night is full of terrors. Which you'll face alone. With no man. Possibly for the rest of your life.

Arie's friend collects doll parts? Is he a Batman villain?

13-0 UGA at the end of the rose ceremony. 2nd half was much better it seems. Very proud of my decision making tonight.

Looking forward to next week. Please feel free to add some of your own thoughts in our thread below.

#the bachelor

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j-killa · 7 years

Text

Perpetual teenager

1: Name: Jesse

2: Age: 30

3: 3 Fears: Failure, Rejection, Confinement

4: 3 things I love: Food, Socialization, Substances

5: 4 turns on: Sharp Wit, High Energy, Nice Ass, Well-groomed hair

6: 4 turns off: Rudeness, Pettiness, Materialism, Self-Obsession

7: My best friend: Got a few of em

8: Sexual orientation: Straight

9: My best first date: I don’t remember, probably my very first one.

10: How tall am I: 5′10″

11: What do I miss: Being a child

12: What time were I born: I don’t know

13: Favorite color: Green

14: Do I have a crush: Harboring one right now, yes.

15: Favorite quote: “Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will follow it”

16: Favorite place: Seattle, WA; My Grandma’s house.

17: Favorite food: Wayyy too many to narrow down.

18: Do I use sarcasm: More than I like.

19: What am I listening to right now: The Neon Demon OST

20: First thing I notice in new person: Hair, eyes. If they’re facing me

21: Shoe size: depends. 13 Nikes

22: Eye color: Green

23: Hair color: Brown

24: Favorite style of clothing: Dress Casual---or pajama pants

25: Ever done a prank call?: Sure

27: Meaning behind my URL: nickname

28: Favorite movie: Children of Men

29: Favorite song: Too many to narrow down

30: Favorite band: Tool, Pink Floyd, Metallica

31: How I feel right now: somber

32: Someone I love: My Sister’s kids

33: My current relationship status: Single AF, forever alone

34: My relationship with my parents: tenuous but rebuilding.

35: Favorite holiday: Thanksgiving

36: Tattoos and piercing i have: none

37: Tattoos and piercing i want: none

38: The reason I joined Tumblr: dank memes and fandoms

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? She does, and I am growing to.

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? Nope

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? Nope

42: When did I last hold hands? A while back, September maybe?

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? under a half hour.

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? N/A

45: Where am I right now? In my room

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? Landon, or Allen.

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? Depends

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? Nope.

49: Am I excited for anything? Not really, maybe Allen’s graduation.

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? Caitlin

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? Rarely, only when I have to and I can.

52: When was the last time I hugged someone? I hugged Daniel yesterday.

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? So it goes.

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? Not anymore.

55: What is something I disliked about today? Not yet.

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Obama, Michael Jordan

57: What do I think about most? My destiny, the fate of the world.

58: What’s my strangest talent? I can put my legs behind my head.

59: Do I have any strange phobias? Not really

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind it.

61: What was the last lie I told? I “forgot” to pick up Diet Mtn Dew (gross)

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? Neither

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Ghosts, no. Aliens are out there.

64: Do I believe in magic? Fuck no.

65: Do I believe in luck? Sometimes, but I think it’s not ascribed to someone.

66: What's the weather like right now? Scotland

67: What was the last book I've read? “Siddhartha”, Herman Hesse

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? No...?

69: Do I have any nicknames? Many. Keezy, Kells, J. Killa, Kash Krops, Keezus

70: What was the worst injury I've ever had? Broke my arm in 2nd grade, broke my thumb last year.

71: Do I spend money or save it? Spend spend spend

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue? Not my own

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? Nope

74: Favorite animal? Bear, Eagle

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? Watching Hockey

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? Either White, Sherman, or Trump

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? “my neck, my back”, Khia

78: How can you win my heart? Show me attention and attend to my bruised ego

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? “His Heart was in the right place”

80: What is my favorite word? Nigger

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr: N/A

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? “Stop cannibalizing each other, get over yourselves and fix this shit”

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? Not currently, I don’t think.

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? The ability to read minds

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? “Have you ever fucked someone over?”

86: What is my current desktop picture? Darth Vader

87: Had sex? duh

88: Bought condoms? duh

89: Gotten pregnant? N/A

90: Failed a class? OHH YES

91: Kissed a boy? Been kissed by one, yes.

92: Kissed a girl? duh

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? duh

94: Had job? Never one I really liked.

95: Left the house without my wallet? more than I should

96: Bullied someone on the internet? Sure.

97: Had sex in public? No.

98: Played on a sports team? A few times.

99: Smoked weed? wish I was right now

100: Did drugs? plenty of em

101: Smoked cigarettes? Trying to quit; it SUCKS

102: Drank alcohol? Lived in a bottle of bourbon on and off for the past 4 years

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? No but not against either.

104: Been overweight? Since I was 9 years old

105: Been underweight? Nope, maybe during birth; I dunno.

106: Been to a wedding? A few. Been in a few, too

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? LOL

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? LOL

109: Been outside my home country? Nope

110: Gotten my heart broken? More than I’ve had my affections returned.

111: Been to a professional sports game? Quite a few. NHL, NFL, MLB, NASCAR

112: Broken a bone? My left arm, My right thumb, and almost every toe on both feet

113: Cut myself? I’ve accidentally slashed my fingers open with knives

114: Been to prom? I went a millennium ago.

115: Been in airplane? A few times

116: Fly by helicopter? Nope, don’t roll like that.

117: What concerts have I been to? Quite a Few. Tool twice, NIN twice, Talib Kweli, The Roots, A Perfect Circle, tons of smaller ticket and local bands.

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? Ugh No.

119: Learned another language? Does writing Latin count?

120: Wore make up? Nope

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? Yep, and it was awkward af

122: Had oral sex? duh

123: Dyed my hair? Once!

124: Voted in a presidential election? Every single one I could.

125: Rode in an ambulance? Once.

126: Had a surgery? A couple.

127: Met someone famous? A few times. I met 50 cent at a mall one time and I thought his entourage was gonna kill me.

128: Stalked someone on a social network? Ohh yes.

129: Peed outside? I’m a dude, of course.

130: Been fishing? Not as much as I’d like (every single day)

131: Helped with charity? My money and my time.

132: Been rejected by a crush? Yes and each has fucked me up. But that’s my problem.

133: Broken a mirror? No, actually

134: What do I want for birthday? To be alive.

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