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#ugh i am feeling so much about this

brunhielda · 2 years

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New TMNT crossover head cannon:

When I saw this I had a sudden flash-

Rottmnt Raph looks HAPPIEST when hauling his brothers around, especially if it’s just a casual thing around the lair.

I think any other version of Raph who sees this happening would immediately want to try it with his own bros. Deep down it would be because he sees how happy Rise Raph is, and how open, and wants him some of that. Plus hauling them around would make him feel very strong and protective and useful. He would probably rationalize it as “If they’re on my shoulder, I will know EXACTLY where they are, and they can’t be off doing dumb suicidal shit.” Or even a way to brag- “Look how much I can lift!”

Original comic would slip it in as a new fighting technique. “We should be able to haul each other out of the fight if need be.” The others would not even notice that he wanted to do it for any other reason and by the end, they would all be able to haul the other 3 in a pinch. Raph is… ok with this.

1987 probably wouldn’t have to say much. “Mickey, wanna try a turtle tower?” Thumbs at Rise Raph and Miguel. Immediate acceptance. Don and Leo want turns too.

1990- I feel like he’d just haul Donnie over his shoulder and call it a new work out regiment? Don would complain. Mikey would call dibs on next turn. Raph would do it to Leo next to annoy both of them. It eventually just turns into a thing he does, and most of the time, they even like it.

2003- Would wait until Mickey did something bone-headed and then rather than smacking him would haul him up on his shoulders so he was sitting on the top of his shell, and be like “There. Now you can’t get into anything else.” Long pause. “How you like the view up there?” M- “I kinda like it!” R- “Me too. … I mean it’s good to know we can do this if we need to… You think I could get strong enough to get Don and Leo up there?” M- “No offense bro, but even if you could actually lift us without being turtle pancakes, I just don’t think there’s room. You’re not a WIDE as big guy over there.” R-“Well, it was a thought.” M- “Can I still ride?!” R- “Sure Mike. Sure.” Pats leg.

2007- Would probably also try to convince Leo it was an advantage in a fight, and get him to try it first. Or maybe April, her being the lightest and working his way up.

2012- “Hey Mikey, come here. I wanna try something.” M- “It’s not a wet Willy again, is it?” R- “Just get over here!” M- “yeah, ok.” R- “You laugh at this, I’ll beat the green off you…!” M- “No problems bro, this is a judgement free zone.” R- (smaller voice) “Get up on my shoulders.” “Really?!” “Do it before I change my mind!” Climbs up. R- “It’s cool, right?” M- “Whoah…” Then they proceed to show off, and Raph tries to show how tough he is by getting all of them piled up there despite literally being the smallest Raphtm.

BayTmnt- Would convince Mikey it was a cool new move. Most likely out of all the Ralphs to manage to get all his brothers up there. Most likely to end up just casually carrying Mikey or Don around after the Rise bros. Would randomly start hauling Leo off his feet and over a shoulder when he thinks Leo’s been training too hard just to piss him off.

All the Rise boys think this is the most adorable thing they have ever seen. Only Leo comments on it.

#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt #rottmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt headcanons #tmnt/rottmnt crossover #tmnt 2007 #bayverse tmnt #tmnt 2003 #2012 tmnt #tmnt 1990 #tmnt 1987 #where’s my fanfic?#where’s my fan art?#ugh i am feeling so much about this

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iwritenarrativesandstuff · 4 days

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Killua and the Power of Wishes

Okay going to try and make this coherent because the amount of wish association all through Killua's character development makes me want to chew plaster.

As a fair warning, this analysis ended up being long as hell, and I didn't even include everything I could've said. This is also just one lens to analyze Killua's story arc with, and I feel there are other valid interpretations of some of these moments. This is just one of mine, so keep that in mind please.

One last warning that this analysis does discuss emotional manipulation and abuse, as is par for Killua's background.

Let's set the stage with one important piece of info: Killua's birthday.

Killua's birthday is July 7th, the same day as Tanabata. Tanabata is a folklore-rich festival where according to legend, the two lovers, weaver Orihime and cowherd Hikoboshi, represented by the two stars, Vega and Altair, are allowed to reunite once a year after separation. A popular custom of Tanabata is to make wishes by writing them down on tanzaku, then hang it on a bamboo tree so that the wish might one day come true.

Tanabata is also known as the Star Festival. Please keep this in mind, because I'm going to come back to it.

To finish setting up the lens for this analysis, I'm going to need to dig into the game-changer scene for Killua's early characterization - his confrontation with Illumi at the end of the Hunter Exam, and specifically, the exact nature of Illumi's manipulation of him.

I say "game-changer" because it really is - up until this point, it's kind of fair to not fully know what to think about Killua. Certainly, he seems excited to hang out with Gon (he approached him first, after all) and he's friendly enough, but he's also arrogant and claims to be motivated mainly by boredom. For all intents and purposes, Killua seems set up to be Gon's dangerous yet charismatic rival... but then this scene happens and it completely turns it all on its head.

Because Killua may have mentioned his family was controlling before, but he seriously downplayed the severity of it - likely because he has no point of reference for how awful his situation actually is other than it makes him feel bad and trapped. Illumi's appearance immediately shifts our understanding of Killua from runaway murder kid with annoying murder family to straight-up victim of emotional abuse, and dissolves his cockiness instantly to terror.

What does all this have to do with wishes? Glad you asked. Let's look at some of Illumi's dialogue.

[ID: A screenshot from HxH episode 20 of the 2011 anime. Killua looks up, sweating and conflicted, as Illumi tells him "You don't want anything or wish for anything." End ID.]

This is the crux of Illumi's (and the family's) control. Killua's desires do not align with the family trade. They must be excised from him.

When Killua insists that he does have something that he really wants, Illumi says "Tell me what it is you want", in a mockery of a certain other sibling who would have helped fulfill this wish - Illumi asks only so he can completely dismantle it. And Killua isn't even really surprised at Illumi's words, just heartbroken. You can tell this isn't the first time this sort of thing has happened.

Killua states his wish quite fervently; he really means it. But his words are not rebellious, nor cathartic. Instead, he answers Illumi quietly, as if fearful or ashamed, almost reminiscent of a sinner's confession.

[ID: Two screenshots from HxH episode 20 of the 2011 anime. In the first Killua looks down with a troubled expression, saying "I want to become friends with Gon...". In the second, his face is hidden as he stands with hands clenched at his sides with a spotlight on him. He says "I'm sick of killing people..." End ID.]

It's such an innocent, simple want.

And Illumi proceeds to make him feel like even something so simple is harmful and selfish of him... not to the family, but to Gon.

In a matter of a few minutes, Illumi breaks down Killua's wish by:

Acknowledging this desire, but twisting it into something that will inevitably fade over time, thereby causing Killua to doubt his own conviction and feelings -> "Gon is a novelty, a radiant presence who has piqued your curiosity. No more than that."

Acknowledging that Gon is someone important to Killua, and undermining this by telling him that by his very nature, he will eventually bring harm to Gon, which makes him feel as though Killua cannot trust himself to be a good friend -> "If you try to be friends with him, you will one day want to kill him... because you are, by nature, a murderer." (As a... delightful... bonus, this is also apparently how Silva and Illumi justify their treatment of Killua to him - "This is the essence of your existence and we taught you accordingly." Like they adapted to Killua's nature, instead of them molding Killua into who they wanted him to be.)

Delivering an ultimatum - to fight Illumi and win, or else Gon will die - that Killua is doomed to fail due to his upbringing and the needle in his head. Since Killua doesn't know about the needle, he assumes this is his own personal failure, something Illumi feeds into -> "You're just not qualified to make friends."

And it's the last point that breaks him. The first two shoot down Killua's present wish, but the last proceeds to shatter any hope he might've had of wishing for anything similar in the future - he has told him that his desires are weak, temporary, inherently dangerous to those around him, and worst of all, aren't enough on their own for him to deserve friendship and love from others. And the clincher: Killua feels like all of this is his own fault, that there is something inherently dangerous and wrong with him!

So, it doesn't even matter to Killua anymore if he fails the Hunter Exam. To him, he just failed the only test that mattered.

10/10 manipulation, Illumi. Fuck you, seriously.

Killua's character arc is mainly his quest and struggle to refute Illumi's arguments and to shake off the manipulation and the ways in which his family have molded and controlled him. And by far, the most difficult part of his conditioning to shake off is this idea that he is undeserving of anything more than what he is already given.

It's almost like the family has drilled it into him that wishes are dangerous. How interesting.

Thankfully, however, there are two parties to Killua's wish here - Gon, too, is a part of it, and it is not simply his reciprocated desire to be Killua's friend that saves him, but also his recognition of Killua's situation for what it is (notably, when no one else correctly identified the true issue).

"You know it wasn't his choice. You manipulated him, kidnapping his spirit!"

The ensuing Zoldyck family arc emphasizes that Gon is 100% correct: the main hold Killua's family has on him isn't physical - it's all emotional.

Killua breaks one of his shackles when Milluki threatens to have his new friends killed, but he only breaks the rest when Zeno tells him he's free to go. So, if Killua could break loose at any point, was this still a rescue like Gon said?

Well, yes - just because he absolutely could've broken out physically at any time, that does not mean he could just leave. That's the nature of situations such as this - it's not as simple as "just leaving". Support is necessary, as is actually having something tangible outside the situation to go to - otherwise there is little point to leaving at all. Gon (and Kurapika and Leorio) showing up to free Killua showed him that his wish was reciprocated and allowed him to break one cuff - this is the start of his journey, but he still has a long ways to go. Notably, he again hesitates and closes off when Silva asks what he wants.

[ID: Three panels from HxH chapter 42. In the first, Silva asks Killua "...would you like to see [Gon]?" Killua's expression is complicated in the next panel - he's closed off and uncertain. Silva continues "Be honest, Kil... what do you want?" End ID.]

Killua will backtalk and casually break his shackles and death glare his family... but he's too fearful to voice his wants aloud.

And once again, asked by his father what he wants, he is subtly set up to fail. His wish is granted, but made conditional - "Do not betray your friends", something Killua is regrettably set up to do by virtue of the needle in his head that he, again, doesn't know about. Silva fully expects him to fail and come back home, disillusioned, believing it's his own fault due to his "nature", and trusting in Silva still as a "reasonable" figure in his life.

This condition placed on his friendship is what drives much of Killua's fear and insecurity with regards to Gon for much of the series - the idea that Killua has to earn his right to friendship, and that if he doesn't, he will lose it, one way or another.

It really makes me wish that Killua had actually gotten to hear Gon's views on friendship from the beginning of the Zoldyck Family arc, because it entirely refutes this entire philosophy. He even outright refuses to go through the Testing Gates at first, purely because he thinks the sentiment of needing to prove yourself just to be friends is completely outrageous - he only relents because there is no other way.

[ID: Two screenshots from episodes 21 and 22 of the 2011 HxH anime adaptation. Gon looks up at Illumi and firmly states "[Killua] doesn't need to earn the right to be my friend!" In the second, Gon's face is seen in profile and close up as he asks "Why would you test your friends?" End ID.]

I doubt it would've truly prevented Killua's insecurity from manifesting even if he had heard this, to be honest - his issues with usefulness are very deep-rooted in his upbringing - but still, it would've been nice for him to hear, I think.

However, that's not to say that this exact sentiment doesn't come through in their interactions.

Gon, as Killua's friend, cares about what Killua actually wants and wants to make sure Killua knows that - and that's part of what makes the Whale Island conversation between them really important.

[ID: Two images, both of the same scene from HxH chapter 64, and episode 37 of the 2011 anime. In the manga panel, Gon has turned his head to look at Killua directly, who looks shocked and taken aback, to say "I like hanging out with you." In the anime screenshot, Gon has turned his whole body to face Killua, and says "I think it's fun to be with you." End ID.]

I see a lot of people chalk this up to just Gon being Gon, but it reads to me as much more deliberate than even his usual honesty. He's turned so he's looking directly at Killua, which is a sure way to make his words come across clearly. The lead up to this is Killua, again, not knowing or being able to vocalize what he wants. He doesn't have a goal to work towards like Gon, he only knows what he doesn't want - he's a mix of envious and admiring towards Gon, who knows what he wants and simply goes for it.

But this conversation makes it clear that they have a shared wish - they both want to be friends, and they'd both like to stay together. It's not about earning, to Gon, it's only about if they both want the same thing - mutual, not conditional. There's a nice almost call-and-response type dialogue here, where Gon asserts that he likes spending time with Killua (very directly lol), then shares that Killua is the first friend his age he's had. This prompts Killua to say that Gon is his first friend ever, and that he does have fun with him. And just like that, Gon replies "Then let's stay together!" and pointedly includes Killua's desire to find a goal in their, now shared, upcoming journey.

Overhead, a shooting star appears in the sky. A mutual wish is granted.

[ID: A panel from HxH chapter 64. The night sky is full of stars. In the centre is a shooting star. End ID.]

Hm. Stars. Remember how I told you to keep that in mind, all the way back at the beginning? Their association with Tanabata, making a wish on a shooting star, etc. etc.?

Well, buckle up because this star is going to make you experience so much sadness now.

[ID: Panels from HxH chapter 286. The first is a conversation between Killua and Meleoron where Killua asserts he intends to "go down in flames with [Gon]". When Meleoron looks concerned, Killua brushes off the declaration as a joke. In the second image, Killua is turned away, his outline pale, as Meleoron thinks "Why... did you looks so sad... back there?" The last image is a cloudy night sky filled with stars. At the centre of the panel is a shooting star. End ID.]

Yeah, it makes its reappearance directly after Killua has "jokingly" resolved to die with Gon if it comes down to it, after "since it means nothing to you".

I am assured, in Japanese, the word choice here is 心中 (shinjuu), the word for double suicide, where the intent is to die at the same time in the same manner in order to be reunited in the afterlife. The implication here is that Killua, having increasingly grown insecure in his place by Gon's side but unable to voice this, knowing that Gon is hurtling down the path of no return, thinks back to their conversation under the stars where they both mutually wished to stay together and, because he believes that it is no longer possible for him to help Gon, has resolved to stay by his side in death, and after it.

...holy shit, kid.

[ID: Two screenshots from the 4th ending of the 2011 anime. In the first, Gon and Killua stand back to back as meteors fall around them. In the second, they stand facing away from the audience towards a body of water under a night sky filled with stars - Gon throws a stone, which flashes in the air like a shooting star. End ID.]

And of course, here's the shooting star again in the 2011 anime's Nagareboshi Kirari ending, as well as it being the subject of the song itself and rather explicitly referencing that wish to go on a journey together, to stay together, because... Madhouse hates us. I guess. :'(

What started off as a simple wish for a friend deepened into a wish to always stay by Gon's side. This is largely good at first! Killua is able to explore and experience genuine friendship, to get a taste for freedom, and use the power of his fervent wish to protect his dear friend in order to rid himself of Illumi's needle. However, the more Killua wants, the more he traps these wishes in monologues within his own head and does not voice them aloud. Part of it is that he already feels he's been given much more than he deserves - seeing himself as a creature of darkness and Gon as light - but a greater part of the issue here is not that Killua is afraid to wish for things, but that he is afraid wishing without "compensation" will inevitably lead to horrible repercussions - namely, losing who he loves.

In order to feel worthy of staying with Gon, of earning his friendship, Killua works hard to help Gon achieve his goals, taking on the role of wish grantor, growing to do practically anything needed to support him for seemingly nothing in return - but that's not 100% true. Killua wants at least some appreciation, whether he admits it or not - it's a security thing, and it also clearly makes him happy, even if he's not great at accepting it. He insists in Chimera Ant arc that friends don't need to thank friends, but this declaration always read as very sudden to me or like a rationalization, and it's relevant to remember that this is at the peak of Gon isolating himself and self-destructing before his eyes, and Killua's own insecurity regarding his importance to him.

Killua might not mind doing things without thanks, but that doesn't mean he doesn't like to hear that Gon appreciates him. He clearly does appreciate verbal confirmation of their bond! We know this.

[ID: Two screenshots from the 2011 anime. The first is from episode 61. Killua smiles down at the ground with his hands in his pockets, the colours having gone soft and bright. The second is from episode 70 during the dodgeball match. Gon smiles determinedly in the foreground as Killua looks shocked next to him. End ID.]

Keeping all this in mind, Killua's story, or at least this part of it, couldn't have concluded in a better way than his rescue of Alluka, the wish grantor.

Now, I could probably write an entire other analysis on Alluka and Nanika alone, but for the sake of not making this any longer than I already have, I'm going to go through only a few points. Alluka is incomprehensible to her family because they make no attempt to understand her, with the exception of Killua. The only thing they do seem to understand, when explained to them, is the demands made after Nanika grants a wish - this, of course, fits neatly into their own predetermined views on "earning" and "punishment". However, beyond this, they make no attempt to understand her, and since her power is deemed dangerous and uncontrollable, she is locked away.

They are worried, first and foremost, that Alluka will bring harm to the family, and there's two ways in which this could be true:

As a function of failing to fulfill her requests, of course

Because she, just by existing, threatens the family's status quo

I stated at the beginning that Killua's desires do not align with those of the family business, and he's always apparently been more open to understanding others - he asks Alluka and Nanika questions to understand them, and treats them with respect, while his family are more so focused on subjugating anything that might be a threat. This is what Illumi tried to drill into Killua after all; never fight a superior opponent - everything is about assessments of relative strength, which leaves no room for open-mindedness or getting to know people.

Faced with a daughter who is clearly incomprehensibly powerful, and a son, the would-be inheritor of the family trade, who is showing a disturbing amount of willingness to befriend instead of retreat from her, the family made the decision to excise Alluka not just from where she could "harm" the family power-wise, but also likely to secure their control over Killua, who they then set about practically programming to not have any more wishes for himself, or at least to not be able to vocalize them without fear of loss or retribution.

The family's nickname for Killua is "Kil" or "Killu", which is deeply fascinating to me as a reader - nicknames are expressions of endearment, typically, and I actually don't doubt that here. Killua's family does love him, but their love comes with conditions. He must be molded into the perfect son, and every part of him that doesn't fit must be excised.

So: Killua's memories of Alluka are suppressed with the needle, and she is further cut from his life by dropping the "a" from his name (the Zoldyck children are named like a game of shiratori - Illumi -> Milluki -> Killua -> Alluka -> Kalluto). The nickname is also like a command or order "to kill", which is of course what they want him to do.

Saving Gon through saving Alluka and Nanika forces Killua to have to face down the last and hardest of Illumi's manipulations to shake, and that's the notion that a wish, that kindness and friendship and love, cannot be unconditional without severe repercussions - where the people he cares about get hurt because of him, something he cannot envision being forgiven for.

It's a little sad to me that after spending most of the series struggling against his family's teachings that they didn't lead to Killua betraying Gon at all, as he'd feared... but to him betraying Nanika, by sending her away.

Here is this little girl with a bloodstained past, incredibly powerful and dangerous and capable of amazing feats, treated as some evil thing by those who fear her. But she is kind at heart. Her true strength lies in healing, not killing. And she only takes commands from Killua.

Illumi thinks this is because Killua is the only one with control over her. Killua believes this is because she wants praise. They're both partially correct, but this is not the full reason Nanika does what Killua asks of her.

[ID: Two screenshots from episode 146 of the 2011 anime. In the first, Nanika smiles and says "I love Killua." In the second, Killua looks at her, stricken. End ID.]

Nanika loves him. Everyone has been trying to figure out all these complicated rules and conditions on her wish granting and why Killua is the one exception, but the answer is exceedingly simple. She loves him, and wants to do nice things for him so he can have his wishes granted. It's the only way she knows to get the love that she wants in turn.

Just like her brother, Nanika makes herself useful to earn love and appreciation from someone who accepted her when no one else did.

Even though he knows Nanika just wants to help, he still sees her presence as a danger to the person he sees as pure and innocent who must be protected. He sends her away because her "nature" is to be a threat to Alluka's safety, even if she doesn't intend to be. Killua's fear of Illumi and repercussions causes him to make a horrible mistake.

And Alluka tears into him for it.

[ID: A set of panels from HxH chapter 336. A furious Alluka glares and asks Killua if he made Nanika cry. When Killua stutters, she demands he apologize to her. End ID.]

You tell him, girl.

Oh hey, this looks a little familiar, huh?

"Apologize to Killua!" says Gon to Illumi after Illumi sends Killua away.

Nanika should not be the one punished for the actions of those trying to control her. She certainly shouldn't be forced to leave those she loves, or have to earn love from them.

And neither should Killua.

[ID: Three panels from HxH chapter 336. Alluka yells, tears in her eyes, "If you're going to protect me... you have to protect Nanika too!!" Killua looks shocked, then his eyes widen. End ID.]

It's interesting to me that this is the line that snaps Killua out of his fear enough for him to properly speak with Nanika and apologize. One party cannot receive all the protection, nor can the other only give and give limitlessly.

Killua makes it clear to Nanika when speaking with her that he will protect her, and that she doesn't need to earn affection from people by granting their wishes. He promises they will both be there for each other - Killua will praise her whenever she wants, and not just when she does something for him, but he also doesn't refuse Nanika's desire to grant his wishes. It's mutual, not conditional.

And on the heels of this "betrayal", Killua asks for what he never thought he could receive - forgiveness. And even though Nanika is clearly still very upset...

[ID: Two screenshots from episode 146. In the first, Nanika and Killua face each other, both of them teary. Nanika says "Kay." In the second, he has pulled her into a hug. Nanika is teary, her fingers gripping Killua's back tightly. End ID.]

...she doesn't even have to think about it.

I do think Killua still has a ways to go, but he is in a position right now to learn from his relationship with his sisters about balance - that love is not just selfless devotion, but also allowing those who love you to help you and make you happy too. I think that's what unconditional love is, in a way - supporting and working together with the people you love to make each other's wishes come true.

#oh my god this was supposed to be a brief write-up what happened 😭#ugh i feel like this is a bit of a mess and there's infinite other little points i could've made or elaborated on or interpreted differentl #but i'm so tired lmao #anyways tldr fuck you illumi you suck #killua is a snarky little shit but he also has so much love in his tiny body and i think we should appreciate him forever and ever #this also accidentally turned into alluka and nanika appreciation. i love them #nanika sweet angel i love you so much i hope you get all the head pats in the world #ghhh i'm so scared this doesn't make sense anymore i've been working on it for almost a week #hunter x hunter #hxh #hxh meta #killua zoldyck #call me ace detective the way i am ace. and also a detective.#storyrambles #also that one scene where gon turns to look directly at killua and tells him he has fun being with him makes me jdfhbvsdjfbvh #he's so intense about it i start laughing. no wonder killua basically just went ??!?!?!?! and like. leaned back because i think i would've #done the same lmaoooo #it's very sweet though :')#argh. gotta post. i need to stop hesitating. let's go.

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robinfollies · 5 months

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BREATHE IN LIKE WAVES

ON A GLASS BEACH

🌊🌺🌿✨🩵

(speedpaint + little art ramble under the cut!)

NOVEMBER 21ST… very special day for me!!! three years ago today i got into billie bust up, and two years ago today i started listening to glass beach and MAN. THEY IRREVERSIBLY CHANGED ME. my love for billie bust up + glass beach are very intertwined in my heart, they both mean A Lot to me so this piece is incredibly personal… it was pretty experimental and very much inspired by the aesthetics of the first glass beach album’s cover art, and OUH. I HAD SOO MUCH FUN. i put a lot of love and passion into this piece and i really hope that shows !!! 🥹🩵

ANYWAYS!!! WISHLIST BBU ON STEAM, STREAM THE FIRST GLASS BEACH ALBUM, GET READY FOR PLASTIC DEATH JAN 19!!! YIPPEE 💥💥💥

[🎵 glass beach - glass beach]

#robin’s art #billie bust up #glass beach #glass beach band #bbu billie #not tagging all the little guys that show up sorry 🥹 too many of them !!!#unless i feel like organizing that deeply later. but i think its fine for now #ugh i love bbu and glass beach so much. despite it all i stay whimsical #fav game and fav band that i am incredibly abnormal about! HEARTS HEARTS EXPLOSION #2023 art #speedpaints

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paimonial-rage · 4 months

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Ask meme - 6 and 9 for the dragon men (zhongli and neuvillette) please!

This took so long I am so sorry, but here we go!

[Character Analysis Ask Meme]

What is Neuvillette's biggest insecurity?

Neuvillette’s biggest insecurity is not something he's ever tried to hide. Anyone that has spent enough time with the Iudex has probably heard him mention it before. Simply put, Neuvillette doesn't understand the emotions of humans very well. He never has and sometimes he doubts if he ever will? How many times has this flaw of his costed him dearly in the past? How many mistakes has he made? And how many are there yet to come? How he dreads the thought.

What can’t you trust [Neuvillette] with?

To chase after you - Iudex Neuvillette is many things—polite, kind, intelligent—but he is not a man without faults. Only a few know him well enough to realize he holds many regrets upon his shoulders, majority that were never his burden alone to bear. Should you ever become the source of one of these regrets, you can surely expect to know. With somber eyes and a weight upon his shoulders, he will apologize to you. But don’t expect anymore than that. Not understanding human emotions is not only his weakness, but a prison. He will not attempt to make things up to you nor will he try to make things how they used to be. You’re best off where he can hurt you no more, even if that means he will be left alone to the rain.

What is Zhongli's biggest insecurity?

Who knows lol.

What can’t you trust Zhongli with?

With mora - As knowledgeable and talented Zhongli is with many things, it is a surprise to many to hear that businessmen don’t exactly enjoy making deals with him. How can they when contract discussions always leave them with the [shorter end of the stick]? How many [unforeseen business expenses] do they end up incurring in such a short amount of time? In the end, they always lose more than they gained. What they don’t know is this unfortunate occurrence happens with any Mora dealings with the man. But what can you expect for someone that, by contract, has the Traveler liable for all expenses during his outings with them? It's simply best to leave all matters of mora out of any relationships with him.

With your heart - If there's one thing true about Zhongli, it's that, while he may withhold the truth, he does not lie. So when he speaks of a person warmly, they can very well believe his words to be true. That being said, it is important that one does not mistaken his warmth with depth. One cannot simply entrust their heart to him and expect his in return. How could anyone hope to understand the weight of many a millennia, after all? So while the desire may be cute, it'll never be something he would even consider to reciprocate.

#genshin impact #genshin x reader #zhongli #neuvilllette #zhongli x reader #neuvillette x reader #character analysis ask meme #my writing #i am so sorry this took so long anon i have no excuses #not the happiest with these set of responses either #neuvillette’s insecurity answer is severely lacking #it’s so obvious that it feels too easy but like #the reason why i feel that way is because the answer doesn’t answer WHY tha5 is his biggest insecurity. WHY does it matter to him so much?#the obvious answer is that it is because he cares about humans but why??#the answer i came to is that deep down he wants to be accepted by humans which is why he seeks to understand them but i am not sure #granted that’s just my gut answer. i need to do way more research but i already left you waiting too long #as for zhongli like….. ugh #my first answer for what you can trust him with was a cop out but like!!!#that’s because my second answer is like something i talk about alllll the time when i talk about zhongli OTL #i have a whole series surrounding it orz #i didn’t think anyone would want me to talk about it again so i came up with the cop out answer #but the cop out answer was such a cop out i ended up typing my original idea haha #so you get two answers that are kind of mediocre. i’m sorry. ;v;#all of my other answers for him would be more humorous #you can’t trust him with: common sense… bringing appropriate party cups… arriving to events on time #tho there’s no proof for it you gotta admit that he gives off the vibes of someone tha5 is chronically late to everything #and as for his insecurity like… typically old and ‘spiritually actualized’ people are of the hardest to analyze in terms of insecurities #he has no chinks in his armor #i will be working on your next ask though! hopefully it takes less time ;v;

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neos-schlond-poofa · 2 months

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UGH GARROTH HAS BEEN ON MY MIND LATELY BUT MAINLY HIM IN MY REWRITE which i REALLY need to organize one day but. i feel like aphblr appreciates hearing about rewrites a lot so. ill just ramble a bit.

i accidentally made one of garroth's core themes in the rewrite fatherhood.

firstly, he was the most positive male figure that vylad and zane had in their lives. as he got older, he felt more and more protective of them, he didnt want them becoming like his father, the same man that garroth is the splitting image of. he cant repeat the sins of his father, he has to make them better.

but then vylad literally dies and zane becomes an evil priest. so great. he failed.

and then he has to be in an arranged marriage?? not cool. so you know, he fakes his death, so does his arranged marriage fiance, and now theres a huge war, and hes hiding in a run-down village with the help of his former friend from a neighboring village. and he becomes close friends with the lord's secretive wife. she doesn't go out much, she much prefers to stay inside and read her books.

and one day, it blossoms into more.

garroth hates this. a secret relationship with the lord's wife? but, he loves her. and she loves him. their nights are filled with conversations of guilt.

and then, she tells him that she's pregnant.

they stop seeing each other, she hides her pregnancy from the village, her husband is enthusiastic. he's unaware of what's going on, and nine months pass and their child is born, the citizens of phoenix drop blissfully living their lives, not knowing a future lord had just been born. an illegitimate child.

garroth can't care for his son, and he never even learns the name. she stops visiting him, and it hurts him.

but althroughout this time, a young man named zenix came across phoenix drop. probably around eighteen years old, no more than twenty. scarred and traumatized from something he never told garroth about.

and so, garroth takes him in, and treats him like a son. he trains him to become a guard and garroth feels content. he's finally succeeding at this. he's helping someone become a better person! he's an important figure in someone's life!

and during this joyous period of his life, the lord is killed, and his wife is missing. the village was never told about the child, and chaos erupts. garroth and zenix must take control of the town as people begin to leave. garroth mourns the son he never got to connect with.

one day on patrol, a lady runs into the village, seemingly insane and claiming that a weird hooded figure was watching her and so she chased them. garroth and zenix helped her out, and out of the kindness of her heart, decided to repay them by completely helping the village out. this lady who barely even had any memories, who couldn't read or write that well, who was still learning about the history of the world, had taken the struggles of the villagers and put them into her heart, channeling their frustrations into constant work to rebuild the broken village.

it's going well, until, all of a sudden, a villager is attacked in the night and is near death. she saves him, and garroth decides to investigate what happened.

and then he is shot.

by his "adoptive" son.

pain of all types soar throughout garroth's body. he failed again. whatever he did with zenix, it wasn't good enough, and this was his karma.

and yet, he lived. and the knowledge of his failures followed him around as he tried to do any action for months. he hoped it would get better.

then one day, aphmau discovers a child at her door. a baby, one that can't even crawl yet. she discovers a note; his name is levin. she cares for him and brings him around the village, and garroth, in spite of his previous failures of being a father figure, vows to help the woman he loves raise a child, that unbeknownst to him, is his own biological child that vylad saved.

garroth has his suspicions as levin grows, but brushes it off and takes it to be a coincidence. he helps zoey, an elf aphmau had become close friends with, raise levin when aphmau went on her journeys. he taught him how to call aphmau mom!

aphmau has a journey one day and that day turns into weeks. garroth and laurance, his closest friend, search for her and discover she has adopted a ghost child and found another guard. a guard the similar age of zenix.

garroth is hesitant, but warms up to dante, and he and laurance act like father figures to the young guard without intending to. it comes naturally for garroth; laurance just follows his lead. and of course, garroth helps with aphmau's new child. he's making a difference again, he's helping!

and then, an illusion fools him and he falls into a depression. it hurts. he shouldn't be like this, he is supposed to be strong. he is the head guard. yet here he is, letting his emotions get in the way.

he wouldn't mind if laurance and aphmau got together, but to see them do so in private? knowing very well his feelings for both of them? it hurts. they must know what they are doing, there is no other way.

a mysterious lady comes by and offers to help garroth. over time, his memory becomes blurry until he ultimately blacks out. he lacks any autonomy now and attacks laurance. he causes his closest friends to be transported to a dangerous alternate dimension... all because of his own emotions. and to make matters worse, that lady wasn't just someone to help. it was someone hired by zane. the first person he failed to save.

the lady is killed and laurance's words cut through the spell cast on garroth. he has no idea what is happening, but he knows its his fault. he did something bad. and when a portal appears, he urges for them to go on as he fights off zane. he couldn't leave zane there; someone had to stop him from escaping, becoming more powerful, or even achieving what is basically immortality.

the minute that passes in the dimension until his rescue is daunting. flashes into another world where he reunites with aphmau give him hope, but they stop. and he loses his faith. there is no more zane could gain from being in this dimension, if anyone were to open the dimension, they would easily be able to attack him, no unprepared person would dare to do such a risky thing.

and so, he lets zane hit him. a deep cut in the back causes garroth to scream in pain, and he's close to dying.

aphmau returns. she heals him in their world, and he lies about his intentions, and returns to fighting his brother.

little does he know, laurance and aphmau had a few too much to drink one night recently, and made decisions they regret. they won't dare to tell him until much later, they can't risk hurting him, especially in such a vulnerable moment.

the guilt eats them alive. it is worsened by laurance's growing shadow knight urges. they're becoming borderline uncontrollable. its a living nightmare. he can't imagine hurting aphmau, no. he loves her. and he realizes that if she keeps worrying about garroth, she will hurt herself.

he comes to a decision.

he finds a way to open the portal and saves garroth, but costing the lives of himself and zane in the process. garroth is unconcious; he sees a glimpse of laurance, but is unaware of his death until he wakes up. he doesn't believe it, he wants to run, but he can't. his body aches. he's trapped.

aphmau visits him once before retreating to her bedroom for the next few weeks. they both go silent. they couldn't imagine losing laurance, yet here they were.

as garroth gets better, zoey allows for people to visit him. and there, he sees dante for the first time.

he's gotten much older.

there's barely visible wrinkles and blemishes on his face. someone he viewed as a son has aged beyond garroth and it's hard to handle. was this how laurance felt?

and then he sees levin.

he gets it now, this was his son, and he missed his life too. he failed. it hurts all too much, how dare he let his emotions get the best of him. if he had just talked to someone, maybe everything would be okay now.

aphmau eventually drops the news to garroth once they both got better that she's pregnant, and laurance is the father.

he's not mad.

he's broken over the news.

not over the fact that the two people he loved the most got with each other, but the fact that laurance will miss out on seeing his own child grow up, the same way garroth had done with levin.

garroth makes another vow to aphmau. he promises to help raise laurance's kid. he will be there for them.

he won't fail this time.

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bakubunny · 7 months

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dabi grins as he stares at your open, drooling mouth and back into your eyes. it makes you let out a pant and blush harder, makes you squirm under the touch you crave so much. “c’mon babydoll. you can do better than that, can’t you?” he taunts. you’re sitting on his lap. he’s got one hand around your jaw as the fingers of the other are sliding messily between your lips. the feeling of his gaze, the way his fingertips almost make you gag and feel so perfect running over your tongue, how easily they fill your mouth because they’re so much thicker and longer than your own…. all of it makes your skin burn hot. dabi glances down and watches as drool starts to run from your chin and onto your shirt. “‘s it, whore. show me how pretty you’re gonna look when you take my cock.”

banners by: @roseschoices @cafekitsune

#ugh i am so unwell #i can’t pull off actually writing dabi so this is as close as it gets #he’s another one that i have an unreasonable amount of feelings about #sorry sorry last one for the day #i write too much #bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #boku no hero #millennialmagicalgirl #bnha smut #mha smut #x reader #dabi #dabi x reader #dabi smut

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brunhielda · 2 years

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Ok y’all, I had no fan art skills, so I am going to have to ask you to picture something for me, then go forth and make something more concrete. Ok? Can you do that?

Rottmnt Donetello + “Love Like You” from Steven Universe. If you don’t know the tune, here have a lyric vid.

youtube

I mean… is that not all his insecurities in one bundle???!? The poor boy struggles with emotion, but knows his family loves him and he feels good when they love him, and how the hell is he supposed to reciprocate that beyond his ingenious tech to help them out? And the ONE time he makes them individualized gifts he beefed it so frickin hard! This is Donny in witch town. This is Donny not realizing he is crying. This is Donny hanging a “congratulations you survived!” banner in an attempt at comfort after a traumatic event. This is Donatello loving his family, even as he struggles to understand what love means.

Please… someone just make me an amv.

Other idea: any and all iterations of Raphael trying to calm down to “Here Comes a Thought” from Steven Universe.

Any iteration of him trying to conquer his anger makes me so happy and with flashbacks would make an excellent amv. I can also just see a crossover situation of all of them meditating in a circle with Rise Mikey softly singing this to them. I am tearing up just thinking about it.

Again, if you don’t know the tune, have a lyric video. Also… this legitimately works for meditation, I have used it myself on loop, and used it to teach children.

youtube

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stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage · 9 months

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It really gets me that since my canon Hawke is a mage, I'll never actually get to know Bethany.

Sure, I could just start an alternate playthrough with Hawke as a warrior or rogue and get to know her over the course of Act 1 before I have to decide if I want to take her on the expedition and make her become a Grey Warden, or leave her behind to be taken to the circle.

Except that's not my Bethany, just as it wouldn't be my Carver who died. My Hawke twins grew up with an older brother who was a mage. Their respective character arcs rely heavily on being the sole mage or non-mage of the siblings, so if my Hawke isn't a mage, they're not the same people... and unfortunately, we don't get to see the arc of the twin who shares Hawke's class. Y'know, because of the death.

The last time I tried doing an alternate run with a warrior Hawke, I had a conversation with Bethany where she said that Carver would've hated Kirkwall and probably would've gotten himself arrested the first day, and I sat there like.... I'm sorry? Are we talking about the same Carver?? Because the Carver I know would only get himself arrested for resisting and fighting back with any templars who tried to take his siblings away? He spent the entire first act being like, "Hey, don't do stupid shit or attract too much attention, or the templars will take you away!"

And that's when it really hit me that sure, I'm getting to know Bethany, but I'm getting to know a Bethany who grew up as the lone mage in the sibling group, and that's not the same Bethany that died in my canon run.

I want to know the Bethany who grew up with an older brother who also had the gift of magic but embraced it more than she ever did. I don't even get to learn much about her through dialogue, either. Carver doesn't talk about her nearly as much as Bethany talks about him when she's alive, and when someone does bring her up with him, Carver's usually super defensive about it.

I'll be running around and Bethany will just, "Yeah, my brother used to nail my braid to the headboard. I miss him so much. Hey, the Chantry, I lit a candle for Carver in there. Remember Carver's jig? He used to do that to make me feel better. I miss Carver so much."

Carver's just more reserved and defensive about his grief over losing her, and when he does willingly bring her up, you can feel him struggle to even get her name out; "These are blood mages, they're not like you or... Bethany."

That's why I love the Legacy DLC; Carver will talk about Bethany, and Malcolm, with Hawke without his guard up. At least he does with me, at that point I have his Friendship nearly maxed out so he's just softer in general.

But someone else brings her up, like Anders? Who was genuinely trying to be nice? Carver's response has the vibe of, "You didn't even know her, and you don't care about me, so you're only saying this because she was a mage. Just shut up, stop talking to me."

And I can't even bring her up to Carver in dialogue options the way I can bring him up to Bethany. You can ask her what Carver would think of Kirkwall. During the Legacy DLC there's a humorous option to do Carver's jib for her when she's sad. She brings him up in companion dialogue. It feels like there's more opportunities there, and perhaps Hawke just knows how Carver is and doesn't want to prod. Honestly, maybe it's just me, but my game always feels like that vine-

Hawke: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, Carver? Carver: No. Anders/Fenris/literally everyone else in Kirkwall: We do! Hawke: I know, y'all. Anders/Fenris/literally everyone else in Kirkwall: We're sad! Hawke: I know, y'all.

I'm sure the differences in the starting Friendship/Rivalry also play into why Bethany's more open about it than Carver is in Act 1, and they're characters who have different grieving processes anyway.

I don't know, maybe you have an easier time merging them through different playthroughs, but DA2 is one that I struggle with deviating from my canon path, I can't do it... Which means poor Bethany's always dead, and I'll never get to be mage siblings with her or see the Hawke trio take over Kirkwall together because DA2 is just a constant "great, so what can we do this week to make Hawke extra sad?"

#dragon age 2 #da2 #carver hawke #bethany hawke #i am once again having feelings about the hawke twins #and yes i know there's that mod that lets both twins live but it's not the same... and also i don't play on pc so i couldn't do that anyway #i just want the hawke trio to be alive and well okay is that too much to ask?#also it sucks that we don't get to actually see carver and bethany interact with each other #they only have a few interactions and that's it...#ugh it's 'sad about the hawke twins' hour

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