you ever daydream and it starts out totally cool and nice and then the intrusive daydreams start flocking in? it's like how did you get here i wasnt even THINKING about anything related to this AND WHAT IS GOING ON NOW

last night i had a mix of tinnitus and sleep deprivation induced auditory hallucinations which was basically just like. literal microphone feedback. and i think it was triggered by me testing my microphone yesterday bc the feedback was awful but yeah i was lying awake and all i could hear was extremely loud microphone feedback in my brain i'm so glad it's over 😭

for any other syscourse starters:

quit harassing me and @gender-mailman.

I don't care if you put "/info!" at the end, my dni now includes syscourse twice, mailmans dni always included syscourse, do not expect for your dni to be respected if you can't even respect others dnis.

I think the person who decided ads on this site need to rapidly flash should be thrown to a pack of hungry jackals

Also my in laws love to talk conspiracy and also. Doomsday stuff. And it makes me so uncomfortable, I have to like dissociate the whole time they do that. But luckily this time I had Dana to think about sitting next to me and reassuring me that I don’t need to internalize what they’re saying

tag rant self harm mention

I haven't added to my DNI in a long time but I just added "you're aggressive or invalidating towards doubles."

I understand seeing doubles of yourself is distressing, but it is for the other person, too. Just try to avoid each other.

just had a nightmare that involved going to the local grocery store and meeting a bunch of people i haven't seen in a while and being treated with nothing but passive aggression and then looking at some goats and then being chased across town by the goat farmer someone hold me

me: i have a phobia

people: uh huh okay

me: has a reaction to my irrational fear based on my phobia

people: youre overreacting 🙄 its not that big a deal youre being si irrational

ᴘᴀɪɴ

Hating the trend of female characters’ strength  only being considered ‘acceptable’ if it’s physical; specifically in violence and combat.  There is strength in words!  There is strength in creation! There is strength in relationships!  

til that captive dolphins are capable of becoming so depressed in awful conditions they'll literally commit suicide by suffocating themselves, because unlike with our nervous systems a dolphin has to consciously choose to breathe for obvious reasons. that's so fucking sad.

I realized that when I have the urge to puke from emotional distress, it isn't because I actually feel nauseous, but because it's a way of validatin my pain. and thats fuck up

. mental health venting in tags - i'm fine

When people do the whole “soaps doing issue storylines is always good and you’re not allowed to say they’re badly handled because they’re raising awareness!!” stuff, or the “Holby has always handled sensitive topics right and has never ever fucked anything up and didn’t deserve to be cancelled!!” stuff, I get increasingly tempted to bring up the fact that Henrik’s CSA story literally made me want to die.

But then a lot of things make me want to die so idk if that’s saying much so that’s why I never actually say it even though I want to.