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sapphic-agent · 5 months

Note

Ooh, we're talking about Rei? Alright, here we go!

The Todoroki family arc WAS one of the greater aspects of MHA. Keyword: was. It was great until Horikoshi decides to redeem Endeavor. The same man who practically bought his wife. The same man who neglected his three other children, Fuyumi was parentified, neglected Toya and Natso, Toya had constant breaks of his neglect, made a 5-year-old Shoto THROW UP from training so hard, physically and emotionally abused the shit out of his wife where she was on the verge of a mental breakdown everyday. Like, it's so disgusting, honestly. It's a slap in the fact to all of their trauma. Like Endeavor had YEARS to change, but randomly wants to change??? Like dude gave zero shits that Toya "DIED" via from his mental breakdown of his flames and carried on like nothing fucking happened. Also, I just wanna say people who also villainize Fuyumi can also get a big fuck you. Fuyumi just wanted a normal ass family and pushed all of her feelings in her traditional, sexist household. People react to trauma in different ways. Sure, Fuyumi doesn't always handle things the greatest, but the girl was made to look over her siblings at a young ass age. The problem with redeeming Endeavor is that, there's just somethings you can't say sorry for or fucking atone for. Buying your wife, neglecting all three of your kids, physically abusing your youngest son, physically and emotionally abusing your wife then locking her away from her children for 10 years is just not grounds to redeem someone. I thought MHA was good because Shoto saying fuck you to his dad and not forgiving was so refreshing but then paints Natsuo as the bad guy for not forgiving him, and having Shoto consider forgiving his father within one FUCKING YEAR after YEARS of abuse is just baffling to me. Ik Horikoshi is shit on writing women, but, I want to know what Rei is like outside of her dynamic of being a mom. I wanna know what her true personality is, because her abuse doesn't define her. I wanna also know more about Fuyumi because it's clear to me her parentification even carried over into adult, and even with her teaching elementary kids. Fuyumi also deserves to be pissed off at Endeavor. Shoto, Natsuo, and Dabi have shown them being PISSED at Endeavor, and they have EVERY right to. I just wanna see Fuyumi growing out of her parentification Endeavor clearly put her through.

fuck endeavor and his big toe looking ass People can change, yes. But not abusers who do the most godawful things to their family and don't atone for it. Fuck Endeavor.

Well said, anon👏🏾

I agree that the Todoroki past was a really good aspect of the MHA world before they redeemed Endeavor. It was a great aspect of world-building and it was refreshing seeing a character that wasn't begging for their abusive parent's love or acceptance. Then, 4/5 of his victims decided to rally around him and support him for the mess he created...

Why.

I'm actually really glad you brought up Fuyumi because I agree. She wasn't only neglected, she was parentified. And this wasn't something that happened when Touya died or Rei was committed, via the Touya flashback her parentification started at least around the time Natsu was born. She wants a normal family because it's the only way she knows how to cope with that childhood trauma (yes, parentification is traumatic). Yes, she doesn't go about it in a great way but we need to stop expecting victims to react perfectly. Nastu and Shoto made the choice to play nice to make her happy, she didn't force or demand them to.

Fuyumi, overall, deserves more agency. It would have been great for both her and Rei to be something outside of their trauma and supporting their abuser. They also deserve to be angry.

(I've noticed that Hori doesn't really make women in his story angry. I mean, Mirko sometimes but that's more her gag than anything. They all either cry or when they're being "strong" he just gives them this face 😐 (I'm not exaggerating: Rei, Momo, Inko, Uraraka, etc.) I mean, I don't expect a shonen mamgaka to know how to write feminine rage well, but MHA is just pathetic when it comes to this)

Hori got me fucked up for the way he treats Natsu. He's the only one able to see last the trauma/abuse (probably because he was the most removed from it) to be able to make healthy choices and create boundaries. Yet Hori over here wants to paint him in a negative light for calling out Endeavor repeatedly. It's the same thing with people who criticize Bakugou; they're made out to be in the wrong (Monoma, the pros, the journalists, etc.) even though what they're saying is completely valid.

I would also like to point out that Endeavor only changed once he got what he wanted. Not when his son died because of him. If he was going to really change, don't you think it should have been when his actions resulted in dire consequences?

#anti enji todoroki #anti endeavor #mha critical #bnha critical #rei todoroki deserves better #fuyumi todoroki deserves better #anon ask #tw child neglect #tw domestic abuse #tw parentification

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worst-mother-throwdown · 4 months

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BRACKET 1

Round 1

Propaganda under the cut, but feel free to add yours in the reblogs

TW: child abuse, child neglect, parentification, torture, waterboarding, electrocution, physical abuse, animal cruelty, animal death, cult

Mrs. Graves propaganda

Mrs. Momose propaganda

#worst fictional mother throwdown #worst mother throwdown #the coffin of andy and leyley #mrs graves #milgram #milgram project #tw child abuse #tw child neglect #tw parentification #tw physical abuse #tw waterboarding #tw torture #tw electrocution #tw animal cruelty #tw animal death #tw cult

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venting-town · 9 months

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The thing about having BPD and schizoid at the same time is that they sometimes cancel each other out

When I was young ( before age 11-12 which is where I’m pretty sure I started developing schizoid ), I constantly had to make sure that people that I loved still cared about me

Even when I’d “ act out “ ( trauma responses ), I’d still want them to love me

I’d go between loving them deeply and then hating them deeply the second they did something that would hurt me ( or even if I just perceived them trying to hurt me )

I’d sometimes manipulate them/test their love for me to made sure they ACTUALLY cared about me

Eventually, around 11-12, I started not caring as much. Mind you, I DID of course still struggle with abandonment and betrayal and trust and etc, all the things people with bpd struggle with, but I’d force myself to try and “ get over it “ by using very self-destructive means

And it hurt. Trying to fight against something so ingrained into you ( fear of rejection/abandonment/betrayal/etc ), wanting those people who should’ve ALWAYS loved you and cared about you and protected you ( mine didn’t ), and then try to turn around and force yourself not to care about them. Force yourself to just ignore them, to give up on trying to get them to care about you or love you or understand you, even though you yearned for those things so deeply/badly for 10 years of your whole life.

It was unbearable. And yet, I continued. Because that’s what I needed to do to protect myself/survive, because nobody else was there for me

And I’m glad I hurt my family sometimes. And that’s okay. I’m glad I hurt God/Satan/demons/angels/reincarnations/spirits/souls/etc too sometimes.

Fuck the okay and not okay and justice and vengeance. I’m glad I hurt them ( not always but sometimes )

Sure. You could just assert that bpd and schizoid are two contradictory disorders so you can’t possibly have them, but you’d be wrong.

And I know I’m not the only one who has two seemingly impossible disorders to have at the same time.

Just because things are contradictory doesn’t mean that they can’t work together/you can’t have both. That’s not how things work. That’s not how the world/the universe/etc works

Of course it might sometimes not work like that. Other times it may work that way. Other times it’s both and other times it’s neither, etc etc

BUT, for the “ your supposed schizoid is actually just your autism “ thing, as I stated, before the age of 11/12 I DID want/need/yearned to be loved and cared about.

Yes, I LOVED having alone time ( because I was so frequently molested by others and also forced to be around people all the time ), but I still wanted to be around people I loved. I was also INCREDIBLY socially awkward ( and that’s not just due to my autism, it’s due to constantly having to shift between identities to match what others wanted or I’d get punished. I couldn’t even mingle with kids my own age because I was so used to having to “ be an adult “ due to grooming/enmeshment/parentification/etc ).

And yet, I still wanted to have friends and wanted people to love me

As I get past 11/12, I started caring less and less about others “ love “, and started getting really pissed off when they’d occasionally try to show me love. I secluded myself more often and didn’t want to be around people I loved.

Mind you, I still ( at the same time ) would fear abandonment/rejection/etc, but it became more easier to ignore the more I forced myself not to care

Of course, it’s not just about not forcing myself to care. It was a mix of “ I need to make myself stop wanting love do I won’t get hurt “ and “ I literally cannot keep forcing myself to love others because it requires so much sacrifice/energy that I don’t have “

Nowadays ( and for the past few years ) I honestly can’t say that I care for my family. I’m not saying that I don’t care at all, I’m just indifferent 99% of the time, and that’s okay

I mean, yes, I DO feel love towards them sometimes, but if you gave me choices between staying secluded from my family the rest of my life vs only occasionally going to visit my family, I’d choose the first option with ( almost ) 0 qualms

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thesiblingsoftheblackandwhite · 1 month

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the only one who is at fault for this is, well... Him. For being a shit parent, for putting you through all of this bullshit and for forcing you into a caretaker role.

yes, your best doesn't necessarily mean perfect or even good, but you're trying. you're trying so hard and you deserve to be acknowledged and appreciated for that. sure, sometimes you fuck this up, but that doesn't mean that the times that you do a good job don't count...

((ooc: i want these idiots to appreciate themselves gdi. this shit is hard, and they deserve to feel proud of themselves))

~ 🕊️

He digs through the given food, trying to think of an amalgamation of food that could taste decent. He takes out a package of macaroni and cheese and cup noodles to look them over. Tinky has no reaction to the words other than a long, long sigh.

Alright.

#(I appreciate the concern and attempts but this is the result of centuries of abuse. //OOC)#(They deserve deeper affection than worship but can’t really focus on that. Breaking cycles is hard //OOC)#ask blog #rp blog #hatchetfield rp #The Lords in Black #tw parentification #tw implied abuse #T’noy Karaxis #🕊️ anon

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luciehercndale · 6 months

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So today I went to see my therapist and I had the confirmation that not only I'm a parentified adult, I'm also a maternal person and I took on the role of "mom friend". According to him, I act like this to fullfill the void my mother left and cope with her absence. I have the tendency to take care of my family and my friends and that's probably why I become friends with a lot of people who are self-centered and only want to receive but lack empathy. I basically aid/fuel their ego with my maternal/nurse attitude because I "take care" of their main need, which is being given attentions and love. Maternal love should be selfless, hence an ordinary mom doesn't expect their child to love them back, they just love them. So I'm just like an ordinary mom, then. I love but I do not expect love in return and it's not good for me! Because I want to be loved and understood and heard. It is a human need to me. And this behavior is bad for me because I'm in a one way relationship where only the other person wins and I lose because it's one-sided. I'd never thought about this pov but it makes a lot of sense. Now that I had this insight, I should try to change this behavior and love myself more instead of selfish and self-centered people who don't love me and probably never will.

#Tweety.txt #tw therapy #you can interact with this post #I wonder if I showed this behavior on this site as well #tw parentification

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gracegrove · 9 months

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*me who's been in charge of cooking the majority of my family's meals since i was 9*

*my brother (26) wants to cook steaks today*

mom: come keep an eye on your brother in case he does something...

me: let him fuck it up. this ain't my job (no more).

#tw parentification #if he burns it then he burns it

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partiallypearl · 2 years

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Can u explain ur reyna joining the hunters post i agree but the tags confused me ❣️ teehee

this is immensely rambling i apologize in advance it is 1:30 am rn lol

yes! so basically throughout hoo, we are obviously introduced to reyna and her sister hylla, and we are informed pretty quickly that reyna is obviously a camper at camp jupiter and from the way she talks about camp it’s clear that she loves camp jupiter and new rome but she is understandably overwhelmed by the whole… situation. we learn that her and hylla escaped from circe’s island after percy and annabeth destroyed everything and her and hylla split up at some point during their journey west.

when talking about each other and when reyna is talking about her coming to camp jupiter there’s this air of almost regret that i personally feel she has. reyna, who is canonically around the same age as jason (so around 15) left circe’s island when she was around 10/11 as we know her dad died/was killed when she was 10 due to him becoming a mania and almost killing hylla.

similar to nico and bianca and also hazel and her mom, reyna clearly feels a lot of unresolved guilt and feelings about her father’s death and her hand in it. she did it to protect her sister but she also loved her father despite how abusive he had become.

we can infer (this is based on what we see in their canon interactions which admittedly are limited) that reyna feels a sense of responsibility to hylla despite hylla being the older sister. she went to circe’s island bc hylla told her to, and she fought against the pirates again bc hylla told her to and she didn’t want to be hurt/killed. we don’t know when hylla and reyna split up, but we do know reyna has been at camp jupiter for 4 years and when she is brought up to hylla, her sister remarks, “Reyna…that foolish girl.” not exactly the most warm thing to say about your beloved sister right? hylla like a lot of older sisters had to take on her sister’s wellbeing and her own. she canonically took care of reyna at a young age, despite only being only 6 years older than reyna. as an older sister (despite me not being a girl lol #nonbinarythings) i recognize this.

older siblings by society (especially afab older siblings) are often forced into parental roles, and even more so in toxic/abusive households like reyna and hylla’s. this, similarly to bianca and nico’s situation, can cause a form of resentment and anger due to the parentification of the older sibling. bianca chose to become a hunter bc it allowed her to be her own person for a short while, similarly to what hylla presumably did when she became a amazon. reyna however went in the other direction and decided to choose camp jupiter and actively take on the weight of joining the legion. she actively choose to go to a place where she wouldn’t be a person, she would be a number - a soldier in a crowd of hundreds.

reyna (and nico to a certain degree as well) like many other younger siblings who have older siblings who played parental roles to them, purposely choose to become something where they were just considered one of something. not something individually bc they don’t know how to be individuals. reyna has always had her sister just like nico always had his.

i see this in my younger sister. she struggles with being her own person bc for so long she was attached to me. and when i was younger, i held a lot of resentment towards her for that. similarly, reyna and hylla resent each other to a certain degree bc of this. they both made different choices that they felt were best for them and the other simply doesn’t approve/understand their choice.

and that’s why i find it so angering that reyna became a hunter. bc she never wanted that. she had the opportunity to join the amazons or the hunters. she turned them down. why she would choose to join the hunters now makes no sense. yes she wanted to retire but that doesn’t necessarily mean she wants to be an eternal maiden!

god it’s just so immensely frustrating. anyways 🙄

this is primarily opinion based but i do think there is solid evidence in canon for this and i just have MANY feelings about reyna and hylla as you can see lol

#reyna ramirez arellano #reyna avila ramirez arellano #reyna ramirez arellano meta #reyna avila ramirez arellano meta #hylla ramirez arellano #hylla ramirez arellano meta #heroes of olympus meta #heroes of olympus #nico di angelo #bianca di angelo #hazel levesque #julian ramirez arellano #bc they are mentioned lol #tw abuse #tw parentification #tw family issues

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britney-rosberg06 · 6 months

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no we’re okay i just think it was weird how you handed your crying baby off to ur 17 year old son when his father was right there doing nothing is all

#like #parentification #tw parentification #the extended family went off with the parentification fr!#maggie’s personal stuff

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hotchley · 2 years

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look at how his tears ricochet

It's Results Day eve so as you can imagine, stress levels are high. Which means if you have anything negative to say, don't. Anyways, this is that crying in the shower fic that's probably been in the works since last year. There's also a shocking lack of actual crying in the shower. And much like 100, it got very dark very quickly. If any of the triggers may impact you, give it a miss. There's no shame in that. I'd rather you be safe than upset. And yes, the title is from my tears ricochet, it was the only thing better than crying in the shower

Onto the fic!

Trigger Warnings: crimes against children (kidnapping and being held but they are rescued), abuse of power (hotch feels he's crossing a line), intergenerational trauma, discussions of cycles of abuse, intrusive thoughts surrounding caring for children, negative self-image, disassociation, extremely self-destructive behaviour, canon-typical violence, someone injures a person when in a state of disassociation (it is not excused, just explained and help is being found), mentions of parentification, brief implications of potential hypothermia, blood- if I've missed any, let me know!

read on ao3!

It happens in the middle of an interrogation. Like most times, there is no real warning that it is going to happen. It just does, causing his voice to break slightly as he shoves his hand into his pocket so the suspect does not notice that they were shaking.

Emily's eyes dart to him. Of course she has noticed. She always notices. She frowns at him for a moment, and then swiftly takes over, pretending that Hotch's pause was one of anger as she snaps at him before turning to their suspect and telling them everything is going to be okay.

Hotch takes that moment to pull himself together and he forces himself to breathe. It is not the time. He cannot fall apart. Not when there is a little boy out there, desperately screaming for someone to help, and the man sitting between him and Emily is the only one that can do anything about it.

"Tell us where you took him," he says, keeping his voice dangerously calm. It makes him sick, impersonating his father, but it is the only way he can fulfil the role that he has to play.

The only way he can act like he was filled with such anger and hate is if he closes his eyes and pretends he was a fly on the fall when his father would come home after a difficult day at work, ready to take it out on his wife and eldest son.

He just dreads the day where the line between the role he is playing and the person he really is becomes too blurred and he can't tell the difference. Because one day it will come, and on that day, he will kiss Jack's forehead one last time and leave. He will leave, and never return and Jack will eventually understand.

Aaron Hotchner is not a good man. He is a coward hiding behind fancy credentials and a hard stare. There had been a time, only a few years ago, where he believed he was better than his father. He thought he had broken the cycle and saved his son from the same fate he had suffered, but he hadn't. Hotch had only ever known a broken mother and a twisted father, but at least he had them.

What is Jack going to know? His mother is dead, his only memory of her being one of fear and sadness. He will grow up believing she was perfect and beautiful and ethereal- which she had been- but in a way that is unhealthy. In a way that nobody living can ever compare to. And he will grow up with a father that is so afraid of the man in the mirror that most days, he didn't even look at it.

"I've not taken anyone anywhere," their suspect says with a smirk.

Hotch fights to keep a hold of that anger. He needs it, to survive this interrogation, to get through to this case, to go home as the loving father that doesn’t lash out at the wrong people. He needs to hold onto the anger so he can convince himself it isn’t his.

That it is just an act. A ruse.

He tells himself it is no different to the women flirting to gain information. Only it is. It really, truly is.

"If you don't cooperate with us, I swear, I will find you and I will hurt you so badly you'll wish I had killed you when I first found you,” he snarls.

Deep down, he knows this is wrong, and he is bordering on the thin line between getting information and causing fear, but he is a bad person. He does not care. All he cares about is the little boy that is never going to know a normal life. The little boy that he is still no closer to finding. The little boy that he sees Jack and Henry in.

“Will you? I don’t think you have the guts to do that. I think everything you’re saying is a lie that is part of a silly facade, designed to shake me and force me into giving up the location. Which, by the way, I do not have. Because I haven't kidnapped anyone. As I have said, multiple times now."

“You can say that till you’re blue in the face. But you’re lying. You are telling a filthy lie, because that’s the only thing you’re good for. It’s the only thing you have ever been good for. If you’re not going to cooperate with us, then that’s fine. It’s your choice. But we’re going to find the child you took. And then I’m going to treat you the same way I treated the man who killed my wife.”

He’s toeing a line, but he’s spiralling and he needs to hurt someone. None of the management tips are working. He wants to feel blood on his knuckles and bruise the flesh of someone else.

“Are you? What did you do to him? I bet it was terrifying,” their unsub mocked.

Emily opened her mouth to intervene. Things were getting out of hand. And even though she had no idea what she was meant to say, there was a reason her and Hotch were doing the interrogation together. She had always been the best at pulling him back from the edge.

“I fought him, and I beat him to death. I beat him past death. And it still wasn’t enough. Maybe it’ll be enough if it’s you.”

The unsub- no, not unsub, person they’re interrogating, innocent until proven guilty and all that- doesn’t react. They’ve got years of hearing empty threats and having other threats be carried out to react in any sort of way that would give Hotch what he so clearly wants.

But Emily reacts. Barely. But she does it. It solidifies the spiral into the abyss. It’s strange to think about how one single movement can completely change a person’s life. Because again: she hardly moves. All she does is flinch. Ever so slightly. She is scared- any rational person would be- but not of Hotch. For him. And more importantly, she’s shocked and disappointed. Shocked that things had gone so far and disappointed in herself for not realising there was something going on earlier. She is not disappointed in him. She would never be disappointed in him.

Hotch sees Emily react. And for a single moment, he becomes Aaron. Emily morphs into Prentiss because they could use this to their advantage. They could use it to find the child. Convince the unsub that Emily is truly on his side. Convince him that Emily is so disgusted by Hotch that she will sympathise with a man that may or may not be innocent. Build that trust till he lets his guard slip and then sneak in till he tells them everything they could possibly want from him.

“I get it now. You have a son, don’t you? Tell me, Agent Hotchner. What kind of parent do you think your child is going to be with you as a father? You know, since you seem to be no better than your own. I think it’s going to be everything to witness. Who do you think you are, trying to break the cycles when they are present in your blood and all your DNA knows?”

Aaron’s eyes widen and the facade cracks a second time.

Emily focuses on the words and not the emotions they invoke, and she finds the crack in the armour that she was searching for.

“Did you break any cycles?” She asks, as gently and conversationally as she can.

“How could I? He’s still- he’s in my head, and he’s in the people I see in the street, and he’s just so present and I can’t get away from him until I do everything he tells me to do-” The suspect trails off and Emily can’t help the way her heart twinges. This is a man that has only ever known pain and destruction. A part of her wonders if he ever stood a chance, when everyone and everything turned their back on him.

“What did he tell you to do?” She carries on.

Hotch closes the door behind him, but she forces herself to maintain eye contact with the suspect. They’re so close. And someone else needs to be strong.

“Oh god. Oh god. Oh god, I’ve ruined everything. I’ve- I’ve taken something from him. I’ll tell you whatever you need to know, I swear. Just- don’t make me go back to that house. Please. Don’t make me.”

“We won’t. Just tell me where the little boy is, and you won’t ever have to go back there again. I promise.”

The unsub tells her, and then Emily’s the one gently closing the door behind her as she tells Garcia to get as much information on the building as she can, and then follows JJ and Reid into one of the cars. Hotch is nowhere to be seen, and she hopes he’s with Derek and Dave. They’re braver than her and they’ll say the words.

When they find the child, it’s Morgan who wipes his tears and wraps a blanket around his shoulders. Aaron is shaking too much to do it. Emily notices that his gun is still holstered and wonders if it will be like the months following Foyet’s death. They scheduled unofficial arms qualifications randomly, under the guise they wanted help with technique. Just to be sure.

Although the boy is terrified and just wants his parents, they all know that with the right resources, he will have a life. A good life, full of joy and love and sadness and anger. Perhaps it won’t be as normal as it should have been, but he has not been given a death sentence. Each of them are proof of that. Little pieces of themselves get revealed during the course of each case, and it was probably the little details of their childhoods that had been mentioned in passing that allowed his parents to breathe properly.

The father goes to hug Hotch. He steps away, and JJ closes her eyes. Aaron turns and wipes his eyes with such little subtlety that suggests he is more far gone than anyone had initially suspected, then holds his left hand out.

His left hand. The one he shoots with.

They take it gratefully. The mother watches him, a knowing look on her face. She makes no attempt to hug him, but she does smile and say her thank yous. Aaron returns the smile, and says they could contact him if they needed anything.

As they walk away, it occurs to the remaining members of the team that her hair had been the brightest blonde any of them had seen. Maybe she had more in common with Haley than they had initially assumed.

Before returning to the motel, Aaron pulls over at the police station. Nobody gets out with him, even though Emily stops behind him. She wants to get out and ask what is going on- there are some things that cannot be explained through a text message- but it’s too risky. None of them know how long he will be in there for, and if they get caught talking about him behind his back he will retreat into himself ever more.

Aaron’s return to the car is preceded by a woman who looks like a defence attorney. Derek notices that she’s holding a card. Aaron’s hand has ink stains along his pinkie. Lord only knows what they were saying to each other.

“It was a good case,” Dave says.

Aaron doesn’t take his eyes off the road. If he hadn’t been turning so smoothly, Spencer could’ve convinced himself he wasn’t really there. That he was looking without seeing anything. Perhaps he was. They’d been to the town before, a few years back, but Aaron’s memory for roads was unparalleled by all but his.

As soon as they enter, Aaron is walking up the stairs to his room. Upon their arrival, there had been a shared relief that they wouldn’t need to share rooms. Long and back-to-back cases wore on everyone’s tempers and love for one another so it was a relief to have space and time away. But now it feels like a curse because there is nothing they can do to stop him from isolating himself.

“Give him space,” Dave says.

The question remains the same as it always does. How much space do they give before it becomes irresponsible? And how much of a watch can they hold over him before it becomes insulting?

Everyone nods, then starts to go about their post-case rituals. Derek is on the phone to Penelope, JJ and Emily are changing into more comfortable clothes so they can go for a walk and Dave is finding the nearest bar. Normally, Spencer would either join Emily or Derek. Today, something tells him to go upstairs. His room is next to Hotch’s.

“I think I’m going to go for a nap,” he says. The team appreciates being told when plans change.

“Sure, that makes sense,” JJ says. She’s texting Will, so he understands her detachment from the conversation. Emily and Derek nod, also already preoccupied.

“Spencer. Remember. Space,” Dave says. He’s not being unkind.

“I know. I won’t forget,” he says. Of course he won’t. But that’s not what he means.

“You’re a good kid.” Dave calls the people he sees as children that. He’s not used the term with Aaron in at least three months. It’s the third time that case that Spencer has heard it in place of his name. He wonders if Dave knows.

“Thanks,” he says before turning and walking upstairs.

He knocks on Aaron’s door. “It’s me.”

Aaron pauses his pacing. “Spencer, I know you’re just trying to help but I really, really need to be alone now.” His voice hardly shakes, but he can’t tell whether he’s grateful or not. He needs them to know that he’s struggling otherwise there’s no point in screaming, but he wants them to run before they help.

“I know. But I’ll be here if you need me.”

He nods, then remembers Spencer can’t see him. “Thank you.”

Spencer walks away and into his room. Aaron puts the lock and chain on his own one, breath already coming in short breaths. He feels the familiar haziness of a post-case drop and knows that he needs to eat, drink and sleep before he completely crashes.

There’s nobody watching him but Haley’s knowing gaze and Jack’s childish innocence. And they aren’t real, it’s just a moment in time that Jessica had once captured. Haley doesn’t know anything about him anymore, she’s six feet under and it’s his fault. Just like how Jack no longer has a childish innocence because it’s been stripped from him.

Just like his.

Just like the unsub.

Just like their victim.

He reaches into his bag for a water bottle to hold, but his hand closes around something soft instead. Confused, he pulls it out.

It’s a giraffe. The mother had handed it to him when they’d first interviewed her, saying that as soon as they found her baby, he could give it to him and he would feel better. Safer. Like he really did get to come home.

And in between everything else that had happened, he’d forgotten. Now there is a boy that is going to have to trust that nothing bad was going to happen as the darkness closes in, and he would be forced to confront it without his favourite item. He had already lost enough.

It’s stupid, to be getting so overwhelmed by a giraffe plushie. But it isn’t about the plushie. It’s about everything else.

He’s getting overwhelmed. He is starting to feel disconnected from his body, like he’s watching his life play out from someplace else and that there’s a thought he can’t quite put into words, but thinking it will do something terrible.

He drops the plushie as his throat starts to close. Every small detail from the case seems to be coming to the absolute forefront of his mind and there’s nowhere to lock them away because it’s all too present and too much.

The images pile up on top of each other, each more damning the one before. The smirk before the unsub had assessed his character, turning his insides to ice. The dazed expression on the boy’s face, as though he couldn’t quite believe he’d been saved. The gratitude the mother had shown, even though he didn’t deserve any of it because- because

Emily had flinched.

She’d flinched away from him and closer to an unsub because she felt safer there than with him.

He’d scared her.

And he didn’t know if there was anything- words, actions, sacrifices- in the world that would make up for that.

Before he can fully process what he’s doing, ice cold water is assaulting his back and freezing his skin even through his suit jacket and shirt that he makes no effort to remove even though they were a present from Dave and dry-cleaning will be hell.

He’s so unaware that he doesn’t even know he’s crying till he tastes salt. The realisation only causes him to sob harder because this is who he really is. This is what happens when the walls come down and there’s nobody left to pretend for.

He falls apart, and it’s disgusting to see.

His clothes are soaked through. He’s starting to shiver. Hair is plastered to his face and he can’t bring himself to push it off because now he looks messy. The tears falling from his eyes mix with the water that is still cascading with too much pressure. As he stands to turn it off, he slips and bangs his hip against the tub.

Maybe he screams. Maybe he doesn’t say anything because there’s nobody to hear him. But he can’t help but feel as though it’s a sign. He knows he needs to get up and get out of the shower because he is shivering and uncomfortable, but perhaps there would be something good in giving up. If he gave up, he would never scare anyone again.

What Aaron hadn’t accounted for was scaring someone whilst he was still alive, and the response it would create.

Spencer heard him fall from his room. Or more accurately, he heard something from Aaron’s room as he stood opposite the door, debating whether or not he should go in. He understood they needed to respect his space, but there was something uncomfortable about sitting in his room whilst his friend was struggling so close to him.

“Hotch?” He called out.

There had been no response, and he had hovered for a few moments.

Aaron did scream. Spencer heard it. And whilst he didn’t have Derek’s strength, he did have Derek’s technique. Within seconds (and on his first attempt) the door flies open. Aaron isn’t in the bedroom, and he panics for a second.

Then he hears the shower running.

He should have known. Back when Gideon was with the team, he used to set a timer as soon as Hotch said he was going to shower. And if it went over a certain number of minutes- nobody else on the team ever knew quite what the number was- he would go in and make sure everything was okay.

Reid had thought it was strange until he saw Hotch’s suit hanging up to dry.

“Hotch? I’m coming into the bathroom,” he announces. But if his suspicions are correct, Hotch will be too far gone to process his words.

Spencer doesn’t have the words. Hotch is sitting in the shower, hair plastered to his face. His eyes are red, silver lines embedded onto his cheeks as tears continue to silently stream down his face. The water is causing him to shiver, but it’s like he hasn’t even noticed. He’s still talking to himself, but the words aren’t making any sense.

And that strange but familiar sensation, of watching your parent become your child, washes over him.

He needs to do something. Anything.

Again, he doesn’t have Morgan’s strength, but he has the same first aid training as a paramedic. He knows how to lift someone safely. Hotch will likely support some of his own weight since he’s conscious, but Spencer knows he needs to be careful or he risks hurting himself.

“Aaron, I’m going to put my arms on you. It’s just to lift you out of the bathtub. That’s all,” he says.

He doesn’t get a response, but they don’t have time to wait for Hotch to come back to himself. He just turns the shower off, and leans forward. Then it suddenly occurs to him that he needs to make sure that everything is normal, or at least not bad enough to require immediate hospitalisation.

It happens in the space of a second that feels like every millisecond plays out in slow motion. Aaron touches Spencer’s face. With his hand, and a shocking amount of force. Then Spencer’s hand falls away and there’s a sudden surge of pain.

When he presses his hand to his face, it comes back streaked with red. Perhaps it indicates some deeper issue with his relationship to his body and the strain it can survive, but his first thought is not concern for his hearing or his health. His first thought is fear about how Hotch will react when he realises what he's done.

But now he’s back to being himself, and Hotch is still sitting and shivering.

He does the only thing he can. The phone rings twice before it’s answered.

“Spencer?”

“Derek,” he whispers.

He hears movement, and he knows he doesn’t need to say anymore. He’s not sure he’d be able to say anymore either.

“Hotch? Can you hear me?”

Hotch doesn’t reply. Spencer sighs. Until Aaron comes back to him, he isn’t quite sure what he should do. He doesn’t want to try and lift him again because it could be dangerous. His face hurts, and there’s blood dripping onto his shirt, but he can’t turn his back. Not yet.

But he needs to.

He walks backwards, keeping an eye on Hotch. Then he turns, runs into the bedroom and pulls the duvet off the bed. It’s the best he can do, even if it’s not ideal.

“Aaron, I’m just going to put this on you because you’re really cold right now,” he says.

Aaron nods, and Spencer almost cries with how relieved he is by that small motion. And then he starts to panic because it means he needs to hurry up and clean himself up before Hotch starts asking questions.

“The door had been left open. I assumed that meant I was meant to come straight in,” Derek says.

Spencer jumps, and turns around. He’d been dabbing at his face and shirt using the basin that was in the room. “Yeah, I-”

“What happened to you?”

“I don’t- he didn’t mean to.”

“Spencer. What is happening?”

Aaron screams

Derek and Spencer look at each other, then run into the bathroom. Hotch has thrown the duvet off of him, and is back to shivering. His arms are wrapped around his knees and he’s rocking himself back and forth. His eyes are no longer completely glazed over, so it’s clear he’d come back to himself.

“Hotch?” Derek whispers, trying to use something his father hasn’t tainted.

“No, no, no, get away. Get away from me. Get away or else I’m going to- I’m going to hurt you. I’ll hurt you. Same way he did. I’m not better. I’m not better, never have been. Get away. Get away. I’m bad. I’m a bad person and you can’t- you can’t be here,” he murmurs.

Derek looks to Spencer. “Hotch, you are better than your father. You didn’t intend to hurt him. And I know you’re scared. But it’s okay. Spencer forgives you. Spencer forgives you, and so do I. You have made amends already. We’ll deal with everything later, and we will get you help and this will not happen again, I swear. But right now, I need you to do what I say. Okay?”

“He forgives me?” Aaron asks.

“Yeah Hotch. I forgive you. It’s okay,” Spencer says. He knows how terrifying this must be. He knows that Aaron will do everything he can to make sure he learns to never do it again. And he knows that Hotch will never have to learn alone, because he’ll be right there.

“It’s all going to be okay,” Derek says. “You just need to get out of the bathtub and start to warm up. Can you do that? For us and for Jack and for yourself?”

Aaron nods. He stands on shaking legs, and then he takes Derek’s hand with a slight smile.

Spencer grins at him as he walks past.

Aaron doesn’t relax when they get him in the bed. “What if it had been Jack?”

It’s the unspoken question they’ve been asking themselves since the case started and they realised it was only a matter of time before he lost control. But at that time, everyone had assumed that would simply be an emotional outburst. Jack knows how to handle everyone’s tears. Has done since his mother’s funeral.

“It wasn’t. It wasn’t, and that’s what we need to focus on. It wasn’t Jack this time and it won’t ever be Jack because you’re going to get better. I promise,” Derek tells him.

Aaron doesn’t seem convinced, but he’s too tired to fight. “You never break your promises,” he whispers.

Derek doesn’t believe that’s true. “No, I don’t.”

“Do you want us to stay?” Spencer asks.

Hotch shakes his head. Then he hesitates. “Yes. Please.”

“Okay.”

He falls asleep a few moments after that, and the shivering stops a few minutes after that. He looks more peaceful. Younger as well. And like he’s not hurting. Like he remembers who he really is.

There’s no guarantee that it won’t happen again. But there is a guarantee that he will try and make sure it never does. And that’s enough for all of them. Because across town, there’s a boy sleeping in his own bed whilst his mother and father start to forgive themselves and each other.

And in that motel where the mattresses are slightly lumpy, the water never reaches the optimum temperature and the coffee feels more like water with a bit of flavour, there is a man who has enough love for his family to do whatever it takes to get better. Love alone isn’t going to save Jack Hotchner-Brooks, and that much is clear. But his father’s desire to do better and be better and make sure he never knows a touch laced with anger, and the rest of their family’s support to make sure he’s able to find that help, is.

Aaron will wake up in the middle of the night, feeling too cold and disoriented. Derek will ease him back to sleep, and Spencer will be okay despite his injuries. Then the sun will rise on them once more, as it always does, and they will start their own journey to getting better. Somewhere along that journey, Aaron will forgive himself.

And then he’ll suddenly feel warm inside, and it will taste like Haley’s surrounding him with all her love.

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vivit-s · 8 months

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Why Not Me? | Written Piece

Content Warnings: Parentification/emotional neglect, exploration of mourning/grief, referenced suicide, unhealthy (& possibly sanist) views towards suicide/depression,

Author's Note: Since this is the first of these I'll be posting, let it be known that none of these writing pieces are necessary to grasp Vivit, but are simply bonus material that give a better look into the characters the way that my animatics may not.

This piece may contain spoilers. I don't think I'll have the time to explore this facet of Samuel and Vida's relationship in depth, hence why I've decided to post it, but this does contain material that hasn't been explored in my youtube content. If you want to avoid potentially risking a surprise for later content, then do not read.

Also as an obvious, what is written does not reflect my own views, only that of our characters. Vivit has never been a light story, and none of these characters are fully good people. If it makes you uncomfortable, good, that's the point. Please read at your own discretion.

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“She meant… so much to me.”

“I know.”

Vida had heard as much millions of times by then. It was routine—down to their father crying in their arms on his bed as they just sat there, unmoving, uncertain; the icon of stoicism that they needed to be for the both of them, because if it wasn’t them, who else would it be?

“I could’ve—I could’ve saved her. She didn’t—”

“Dad, no,” they hushed, as quiet and sweet as they could manage despite their increasing annoyance, “It’s not your fault.”

It truly wasn’t. They hated the self loathing he held, the insistence he was capable of doing more, and all the more hated their mother for leaving the two of them alone, because it wasn’t fair. They shouldn’t have to be taking their father’s shaking hands in theirs, to be whispering soothing words as he slurred over his declarations of blame. They did it anyway, because they loved him, more than heaven and earth and certainly more than she ever did if they were still standing while she was dead.

“It is,” he insisted, voice straining as he spoke, “I should’ve… should’ve done more to stop her, fuck, I—”

He broke into sobs again, and all they could do was hold him. They held back their own tears—from feeling powerless, hopeless, frustrated that all they could do was offer sympathetic stock phrases and offer what physical comfort they could. They were supposed to make him feel better, they were supposed to be the one to fix things, but they never could. Not with this.

And the yearned nothing more to say the truth—that their mother must’ve been heartless to subject him to something so cruel. Because how selfish could someone be to take their own life when they had a goddamn family—a husband who’d done nothing wrong and a child who would never even get to know her. She wasn’t someone worth his tears because if she loved him, really, truly, she would’ve stayed.

But they don’t. Because that’s not what the narrative is. She’s the saint, the woman that was too good for this cruel world. The definition of purity, the love of his life, the special someone that had never, in her life, done anything wrong and was somehow deserving of over a decade’s worth of pity. They don’t get it. They don’t understand why he’s not angry. But they’re not supposed to. They did as always, frowned, offered empty reassurances, because nothing else could be done. She was 10 feet under and no misplaced sympathy was bringing her back.

“Please—promise, promise you won’t leave me.”

He looked at them with the kind of desperation they were only granted in moments such as that night. They despised having to go through the motions as though they hadn’t so many times before—as if between the last time and that moment (4 entire days, if one could believe it), their mind had miraculously changed.

But it’s not about them. It’s never about them. So they play along.

“I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”

They know their father needs reassurance more than ever because he’s afraid, but it doesn’t make it sting any less—that he still can’t trust them, that he still fears that they’d be gone in an instant. They wouldn’t—couldn’t put him through that same heartache again. They were better than that. They loved him more than that.

#vivit #writing #original writing #tw suicide #tw parentification #ask to tag further if needed #I'm really nervous about posting this if you can believe it #since vivit's darker aspects have been something that have remained mostly visual #and something about the written word really makes it all the more prominent #but nonetheless I thought it would be interesting to share #so I hope this gives everyone a better look into what I've been doing with my time lately

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cavalrysystem · 5 months

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If the Body's mother yells at us for her not being able to control her child I swear I am going to commit an atrocity.

It is not our fault that you cannot control your child. It is not our fault that you are unable to handle having 4 kids in the house.

It is not our fault you couldn't handle being a parent for 4 kids and had a 5th kid anyway.

We are not here for you to demand we step up for you the moment you decide you don't wish to take care of the youngest anymore. We are not here to pick up your slack, we are not here to run after YOUR child and make sure she doesn't break anything.

We are not a third parent.

Stop expecting us to be one.

#vent posting #vent post #parentification #tw parental issues #tw parentification #we are angry #very angry #child care #she is our sister #not our daughter #posted by: Axe (he/him) of the Cavalry Collective

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sapphic-agent · 3 months

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A lot of katara hate really stems from misogyny (internal too) cause wtf is this

https://x.com/bambied_/status/1753880126029242427?s=46

Apparently that other girl's name is Hachi? Idk, I've never seen this show before nor do I understand what the tweet is saying (I can't see the replies because I don't have Twitter, thanks a fucking ton Elon). If someone can explain in the comments please educate me.

But it's definitely true that most Katara hate comes from misogyny, internalized misogyny especially. Most women who hate on her go absolutely crazy for Sokka or Zuko or Aang while excusing their actions and making Katara out to be worst than she is. Or they "prefer" Suki's feminism over Katara's (which is especially dumb because Suki never faced the level of misogyny that Katara did, she grew up on an island that celebrates the last female Avatar and reveres its female warriors while sexism was rooted into the Water Tribes' culture).

A great instance of how the fandom treats Katara vs the male characters is TSR. Everyone will go batshit insane over Katara saying, "Then you didn't love her like I did," but not one of them will bat an eye over Aang comparing her to Jet (someone who used and manipulated her) in that very same scene. Not to mention that she's right, Sokka himself admits that he started to picture Katara when he thought of his mother. He didn't feel Kya's absence as much (whereas Katara felt Hakoda's absence as much as he did) because Katara was around to take care of him while no one was taking care of her. He isn't as full of grief as Katara is because he had her there to support him. Katara was parentified and it started with Sokka and continued through Aang and Toph. One of the failings of ATLA was that this was never addressed (and was even perpetuated by the show).

As for what you linked? I'm assuming the post is making some weird comparison? One thing I can't stand about any fandom- whether it's comic books fans, anime fans, book fans, or whoever- is the need to compare female characters from different media. Like, I can't stand people who are all, "nAmI doEsN't gEt haTe LikE saKUrA." I don't even hate Sakura, but why are you bringing in an unrelated character? Just because they both happen to be women? Because the other Strawhats (especially Zoro, Usopp, and Sanji) hit Luffy just as much, so Nami being the one brought up is misogyny in and of itself (also, as a Luffy lover, he usually gets hit when he's giving away money or putting them in unnecessary danger, so he usually deserved it). We need to stop using women to put other women down (both real and fictional).

Now, if we're saying, "Hey, this female character was handled better than that female character," that's different. But 9 times out of 10, that isn't the case

#anon ask #katara #pro katara #katara deserves better #aang critical #sokka critical #tagging just in case #tw misogyny #tw sexism #internalized misogyny #tw parentification

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worst-mother-throwdown · 4 months

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BRACKET 1

Round 1

Propaganda under the cut, but feel free to add yours in the reblogs

TW: child abuse, child abandonment, parentification, child neglect, verbal abuse

Audrey Bourgeois propaganda

Mrs. Palmer propaganda

#worst fictional mother throwdown #worst mother throwdown #miraculous #miraculous ladybug #welcome to night vale #tw child abuse #tw child abandonment #tw parentification #tw child neglect #tw verbal abuse #audrey bourgeois

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venting-town · 6 months

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Also, on the topic of “ jobs “, I had a few “ this “ “ life “

Child protsitue

Therapist

Test subject

Etc I don’t care to think about or remember

And no. Maybe, SUPPOSEDLY, my job “ WASN’T “ “ supposed to be “ those things

Yet were anyways.

Just like “ other not suppose “ but/ /etc anyways

Just like “ other suppose “ but/ /etc anyways

Fuck reality and realities and lack and abundance and essentially the same/different/opposite/similar/mixed/neutral/ /etc

Existence/not exist/be/not be/positive/negative/neutral/mixed/ /etc

Fucking retarded

Fuck darkness and light and grey and color and colorless and evil and good and pure and corrupt. Fuck morality and no morality and chaos and order and random and predict and not random and not predict and together and apart and and etc

So fucking retarded fucking stupid retarded smart retarded bullshit

Fuck both/ /etc

Balance and unbalance and sources and orbs and nothing and everything and anything and all thing and something and thing and and and andand and etc

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yumnasfunblog · 2 years

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It is CANON that Bella Swan was abused by her mom. Bella mentions that she has had to basically take care of her mom and do most of the work and even bills multiple times. In the first book. And she’s not even eighteen yet. It basically sounds like Bella’s been raising her mom, which does not sound good.

And then there’s the fact that Bella felt so much like an intrusion in her mom’s life (🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩)that she left to a place she hates to live with someone she barely knows. Like she pretty much said: now there is somebody to take care of my mom so now I can leave so I don’t bother her. Yikes.

#bella swan #tw parentification #tw abuse

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ki-the-iridescent · 1 year

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my dad was bickering with my sister and i tuned in to the conversation just before my dad said “im the one driving the family train here…”

and my brain instantly said “and i am the coal that burns, and the steam that screams and it gets called progress”

#tw family #tw family trauma #tw parentification

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