They're telling me my grandpa has a kidney stone and he's going to have to stay at the hospital until it passes. Other than that they haven't found anything else.

happy new years eve!

i don't even remember a lot of this year after spending half of it in the hospital lmao. i'm so glad it's over. i'm still getting chemo but this year will be significantly better. :)

Yesterday i had to take my dad to a hospital (which was already stressful enough on its own), his doctor told him to go to a certain hospital that's part of a network of private hospitals.

We have a healthcare plan, so whatever. and that hospital chain is covered so it was okay right?!

nah.

for some dumbfuck reason THAT specific hospital didn't accept our plan. Why? cus our "card type" wasn't the right one.

not the plan! just the format and way the card is designed.

and so we had to go to another one THAT WAD ONE HOUR AWAY. WE HAD TO TAKE A GODDAMN UBER TO A HOSPITAL. THEY DIDN'T EVEN GIVE US AN AMBULANCE.

And dear reader, i have never been so angry in my goddamn life (thats a lie, i have been angrier but y'all get it). the treatment we got from the staff was horrible, they stood around on their asses watching my dad just look like he was having a fucking STROKE.

we had to ask FOUR TIMES for someone to come and help him inside the other uber. because NO ONE DID ANYTHING. THEY STOOD AROUND LOOKING AT US WITH THEIR CARA DE BUNDA (cant translate that lmao) AND I WAS ALMOST SCREAMING OUT WILL SOMEONE FUCKING HELP?!

By the way, when we got to the other hospital i immediately ran inside, said "i need a wheelchair, my dad needs help he's right outside" and guess what? the woman i asked immediately got up, went outside to check out whats happening and Went back inside to get us help. it was quicker for us to get him help, they let my sister register him in while he was already inside being checked out by doctors and in minutes they did what the other hospital refused to do because of a fucking CARD.

For a while they had suspicions he did in fact have a stroke, but luckily (kinda? i don't think luckily is the best word for it but whatever) it seemed to be a mixture of dehydration and low sodium on his blood (because surprise he had spent the last two days vomiting. which yes i told them to go to the hospital. they didn't.)

But imagine if he DID. imagine how much DAMAGE them denying us help and forcing us to go to another hospital would have done. not to mention how spending at least two hours with low sodium must have impacted some of his health (hopefully he recovers. but my mom says there's a risk he goes in a coma. which i would 100% blame that hospital for not getting him help sooner)

life rant below:

everything feels so messy, i haven't been able to go to the doctor because of my social anxiety but i think something may be deeply wrong with my body bc i have symptoms of what could be a bad chronic illness?? i hope i can make an appointment this week bc im putting it off and its just devastating me. ive realized the only moments i can be brave despite my horrible anxiety are when i think of my life as something bizarre. like, my life is a joke, kinda. it makes no sense. i had no plans for adulthood but never in my life have i ever planned to seek refuge in a different country, that's for sure. and we're so lonely here, we have no one to hang with in our city, im not a big person for meeting irl but there was always someone, i had friends in uni, even in school, i had flatmates back home, now i only see friends once every few months and most of them i havent seen for so long at all. its been a year like this and i had no idea it would be so damaging to me and my perception of reality, i feel like im in a constant state of dissociation kinda because how could you accept this new reality? i still think somewhere in me that this is all a dream i'll wake up from one day and yeah, i may be gravely afraid of talking to the post office lady or whatever, but how hard can it be when perhaps the worst thing that could happen in anyone's life's basically already happened? i just hope the doctor won't gaslight me again, last time he told me my headaches are due to the post-war stress but my man the day before it happened i sat at my shitty job (want it to go bankrupt lol fucking bigots) and i felt soo fucking bad? i hope i at least get prescribed glasses or whatever. i dont know. and its funny because life is way better now than it was before anyway bc im less fucking poor but it still sucks ass im so tired and i need a therapist which also idk where to find them so as im searching for the possibilities im just venting here for some relief. yeah thats somewhat new. i miss home

i'm going back to work tomorrow i can tell my mom is dreading being alone with my dad because he's kind of stupid regarding safety for her and overbearing in dumb ways that already lead to her almost dying last month when he coughed and refused to put a mask on when he knew you can't catch a cold just by being out in the cold

Pinned Post In Progress…I Suppose 

Welcome To My Blog…

As the title of my blog states, I am a fangirl of misunderstood characters and villains. The majority of my posts will be about said characters and villains. The characters you can expect me to post the most about are Zach Varmitech (Wild Kratts), The Grinch (2018 animated version), Arthur Fleck (Joker 2019), Merrill Hess (Signs movie), Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel), and Loki (MCU).

I’m interested in quite a few fandoms, but what you will see most frequently on this blog, as mentioned above, will usually be Wild Kratts. I also dabble in The Dark Knight Trilogy, Batman, Split 2017/Glass, Gotham, Sofia the First, Disney, and Marvel (MCU).

My content is generally geared toward an older audience, so please keep this in mind while viewing my posts. I strive to label everything that might be triggering or offensive to younger, or any viewers, appropriately. The posts will have TWs in the tags and/or be labeled with the Mature Community Label.

I am not comfortable with Kr@ttc€st. If you are a supporter of this and other such ships, aka a pr0shipper of any type, please do not interact!

I am a selfshipper who ships romantically with Zach Varmitech primarily! I am iffy sharing Zach, but if you treat me, Zach, and my s/i Violet with respect, I am okay sharing him!!! I also romantically selfship with Arthur Fleck/Joker (from Joker 2019), Merrill Hess (from Signs 2002), and The Grinch (from the 2018 movie!), and I am fine with sharing them! I have platonic selfships Gaston Gourmand from Wild Kratts annd Angel Dust from Hazbin Hotel!

User icon is of my Ziolet (Zach Varmitech x OC / s/i Violet) ship! Made by @m0uschi ! Thank you so much for this beautiful work, I absolutely love it! I so appreciate you drawing my ship in honor of our third anniversary😁! It can be found in full here!

Please Note That Ask Box/ Writing Requests are open! But anon is OFF! Turn around time may be slow, sorry! But, feel free to send asks! Check out the details at this link!

Links To My Other Accounts:

My Pinterest Account

My Archive of Our Own (A03) Account

My Fanfiction.net Account

My Wattpad Account

My Spotify Playlist for Zach and Violet

Here are some important links and posts to get to know me and my blog better:

My Fanfic Stories Master List (I will be updating this soon!)

Tags To Find My Posts (This is a placeholder, I will link this soon!)

OC List (This is a placeholder, I will add the link soon!)

Violet Virginia Varmitech nèe Tyler Ref Sheet (Wild Kratts OC / s/i)

Ziolet Kiddos Reference Sheets (Links to reach reference can be found in this post!)

Aurora Borealis Who Reference Sheets (Grinch 2018 OC / s/i)

About Me!/F/O List

Self Ship Tag List (Please let me know if you want to be added or removed!)

Blog Interaction for Minors

I’ll Be Posting More Here As The Mood Strikes Me 😊

💜 - JIG32

See below cut for update on my blog, posting activity, and personal health….

I have been experiencing several incredibly painful eye conditions for nearly two years that have severely limited my vision. I had two eye surgeries in 2023 to alleviate the worst of these conditions. Things have calmed down with my eyes, but I still have to take things easy in the vision department!

I have experienced several losses in my life over the past few years: two uncles, my maternal grandparents, two of my cats, a coworker and friend, and my daughter. These losses are taking a toll on me, and I am still grieving the losses.

I am also experiencing other forms of depression and anxiety in my life concerning my physical health and mental health due to my past relationship, current relationship pursuits, and now my job.

So, if you send me asks, DM me, or try to interact with me and do not get a response or get a slow response, all of this is likely why 😔. I’m not ignoring you! I’m just going through a lot!

i have really bad health anciety and in genersl severe anxiety, ontop of ptsd, autism, and ocd and i dont Understand why the Fuck talking to anyone about my issues with any of the things i deal with, even a therapist, just..Does Not Work.

like..talking about my issues just makes my issues even Worse, but at the same time i need reassurance but getting said reassurance makes me more anxious and feel even worse and Guilty after a bit and i dont exactly know what to do and its frusterating as fuck.

I Want to tell friends but i dont want to like dump it all on them because im Bad with knowing when to stop talking because when im upset its hard for me to know when to stop talking because i cannot read social cues or subtext at all and thats a whole issue in itsself and i am just Overwhelmed as fuck about it

I don't know why either because it is not a professional on the area and I don't have the same personal experiences with it as you do. I think it would help if you asked the people you're talking to that they tell you if it becomes too much, and maybe discuss with a therapist how to actually get helpful therapy but also talk not necessarily about what happened but why you feel this way when addressing your issues. The thing is: completely opening up all of a sudden about your trauma is not the way to go, you should take it slowly. I did therapy for my issues with trauma and it requires different types of therapy (this one is called EMDR). There is also a process everyone goes through in therapy that when you face whatever you are going through, it's often very painful and distressing and it might make you not want to do it again. EMDR tackles this problem - the process of opening up and coping with things is very carefully done so it doesn't overwhelm you. Cognitive behavioral therapy is often practiced, but personally it doesn't help me as much as other types of therapy does and that is perfectly fine. There is DBT too that helps a lot with soothing myself. I forgot the name of the method my current therapist uses, but it works better. I don't it's healthy to put yourself in distress because what works for others doesn't work for you (which is okay because everyone's minds are different). Therapy is supposed to help, and it doesn't really help to feel so overwhelmed by talking about something that is so deep without building bridges between you and the therapist and going at it at your own pace and trying different methods of therapy too! You have a right to actually do therapy in a way that works for you, and to ask around until you find the right therapist. I know it may sound silly, but it does help me a lot to vent on my journal too. Some people do vent art too, and it gives them some release and I think it might help you, just don't vent a lot if it becomes overwhelming.

I know we are going through different things, and I hope you can find some relief, maybe none of what I said helps, maybe someone in the comments can help, maybe just sending this messaged help, but I hope it gets easier and less heavy. You don't deserve to carry this alone and in silence and I hope you find healthy ways to communicate that don't overwhelm you and that are adapted to your needs, because that is how treatment should be.

Idk anon. We're going through completely different things but I can relate to what you are feeling a lot.

tw: disordered eating problems/weight loss/diet culture

it’s so frustrating how many ads run constantly on weight loss and fat burn. especially today, when i got an ad that (before they let me skip) said “most people don’t know how much they overeat” and i’ve been severely undereating the past couple days to the point that i’m skipping a class to eat food and nap because i feel weak

i’d like to note here that i don’t have an ed i’m just really disorganized. i’ve fought off a few times developing one and it’s hard, it’s really hard. but imagine how much worse it is for people that do have ed’s. this is ridiculous

but the timing of that ad made me genuinely angry. there’s no way for the timing to be on purpose but it still angers me. while currently it is about that one, i get several per day talking about how i have to burn fat and eat less, even directly claiming that i eat to much. this is ridiculous

another oneshot!

hey, hi, I was just on the former bird app and came across this info from a brand new study and now I cannot stop screaming internally??? what the actual fuckkkk

theres' an article from the guardian here and here is the actual study:

I've had far worse tummy pain but it has never been this swollen before: :/

i was wondering why i felt like shit but then i realized i was diagnosed with cancer a year ago yesterday 🙃

traumaversary <3

I hate when people say suicide is the easy way out, they have no idea the pain you must be in to want to end your own life

(tw: sui thoughts, health problems)

at what point does kys become a better option than living with health problems and worrying your parents to death