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youredreamingofroo · 1 month

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Fanged Temptress

Special

" The last adventurer who laid their hands on this card was very unfortunate and unskilled... Losing most of their health and eventually losing the card itself... She was displeased with their novice-ness... But something about you... Yes... You possess an aura... I think the Temptress will like you. "

Simblr Trading Cards by @buttertrait and @squea !! I love looking at others' cards... Thank you both for making this template!!

⬇ An in-depth look into Nirvana's card stats below the cut ⬇

On picking up :

" Your spine aches, your face becomes flush and your fingers tingle. You're on edge, but gain a new sensation... A new lust for others and their blood. " Passive - Temporary HP loss + RAGE!! Buff : Upon picking up the Fanged Temptress, you lose -15 HP temporarily, and gain RAGE* for 30 minutes. *RAGE!! : You're perturbed by something... you don't know what- but it makes you angry!! It's time to kill. +25%-45% Damage Buff for 30 minutes

In bag/inventory :

" Unbeknownst to you, this card has been draining you of your health points with every hour that you've traveled together [with the card]. On the bright side, it seems willing to help you persuade the being that you converse with. " Passive - HP loss : The Fanged Temptress will occasionally drain anywhere from 0.1% to 1% of your health - This can occur up to 5 times on occasion, and will not happen again for a long while. -0.1%-1% HP Loss up to 5 times at a time Outside-of-Battle usage - Persuasion buff : Using the Fanged Temptress in conversation will sway the other party into agreeing with you, whether it be an argument or a flirt. (Not guaranteed to work for bigger/smarter enemies/NPCs) +100% success rate in decisions ( +60-90% for larger/smarter enemies/NPCs )

In battle :

" The Fanged Temptress is a well-known legend, She's dangerous and alluring, it's time to put this card to the test and see if it holds up to the legend herself. " Passive - Attack buff : Nirvana Lucia herself grants you a spiteful kiss and a slap on your cheek for every turn. +5% Damage done to enemies ( Plus an extra 5% if the enemy is a hunter of any kind [Monster, Animal, etc] ) In-Battle use - Defensive move : The Fanged Temptress is infamously known for her alluring words and enchanting eyes, perhaps seduc- *ahem* perhaps persuading the enemies will get them to deal a little less damage to your fragile body. -15% Damage dealt to the opposing party ( Plus an extra 10% if the enemy is a hunter of any kind ) In-Battle use - Attack move : The Will of Nirvana Lucia courses through your veins, a little nip on the arm could be enough to send an enemy to the nearest Hospital- or better yet, their grave. +25% Damage done to enemies ( Plus an extra 10% if the enemy is a hunter of any kind )

On death :

" You collapse to your knees, your life flashes before your eyes, with the earliest memories first to newest memories last... but wait! You're pulled away from the light and back to reality. You scrounge for your Special Limited Edition "The Fanged Temptress" card but... it's nowhere to be found... " Special - Resurrect 1 : Upon taking Grim's hand, you realize this is a gamble- Let go and face life once more- Or continue on and meet the sweet embrace of death's bed. You'll be prompted to choose Life or Death when you die... Special - Resurrect 2 - Temporary total HP loss : When you chose Life, the Fanged Temptress was displeased that you couldn't hold your own in a fight, crawling to her for life. She deems a worthy punishment for your mockable strength. You lose 25% of your Total HP for 30 minutes [ Cannot Heal above 75% total HP for that 30 minute time period - Stackable debuff ] Special - Resurrect 3 - Card loss : When you chose Death, the Fanged Temptress couldn't help but scowl at your weakness, She'd had sucked enough life out of you for you to finally become feeble enough for death, pathetic. 50/50 Chance to lose " Fanged Temptress " card on Resurrection

#tw : blood #tw : death description #< only at the very end btw 👍👍#😮‍💨😮‍💨 this took FOREVER!!#I'm sure theres other stats i could've added #but euuurhhmmmm its 9am and i havent slept !!#so yea no more writing for me for the time being #i trieddd to make this balanced (for no reason ofc 💀😭) but its hard cuz Nirvana as a character is just “OP”#But in reality I know the card wouldn't be super OP- or maybe it would idk-#also wanted to do a new pose but I could nawttt be arsed #simblrtradingcards #Nirvana #Nirvana*#the sims 4 #ts4 render #ts4 edit #ts4 #simblr

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michaeliad · 1 year

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leo tolstoy, “the lion and the dog” // supernatural, midam

#midam #adam milligan #supernatural #michael spn #some theories say that the reason the lion didn’t eat the dog is because the lion was lonely and got attached to the dog #which i think is a good description of michael and adam’s relationship #tw animal death

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captainhysunstuff · 1 year

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Light made L some chocolate, but L’s not dumb enough to eat it right away. ...So, he makes Aiber taste test it to Light’s annoyance.

Script below the cut:

L on the left holding a bag of chocolates. Light on the right smiling and wiping his forehead.

Light: Happy Valentine’s Day! I made you chocolate!

L: Oh. Thank you, Light.

Light: It was harder than I thought would be, but I think they came out all right!

L: Here Aiber. Take one.

Aiber: *comes in on the left and takes a heart-shaped chocolate from the bag* Thanks, boss! *eats one*

Light: ?!

L: *walks off to the left* If Aiber dies in the next 24 hours, Light is Kira.

Aiber: *scared*

Light: *enraged* Hey! I’m not Kira!!

Aiber: *fearfully looks at Light, thinking* Oh, boy... It’s the Lindy experiment all over again. *gulps*

Light: *addresses Aiber* Don’t look at me like that. I DIDN’T poison them!

*Aiber is referring to the Lind L. Taylor broadcast.

#drawn by me #my fancomic #my fanart #Death Note #Valentine's Day #lawlight #L #Light Yagami #Aiber #Thierry Morello #tw: food issues #humor #suspected murder attempt #I intend to make a part 2 but I wanted to get this one out on the actual holiday~#wrote out the script since I couldn't add descriptions to the images for some reason. did they take away that feature?#the idea of L being suspicious of Light poisoning his food isn't original but whatever #the series is 20 years old. what HASN'T been done right? *shrug*

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inkydiamonds · 6 months

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Cempasúchiles

[Image description: Bagi sits cross-legged with a humanized version of the egg Trumpet on her lap. Bagi has a red jacket and hat, green pants, and light pink hair with a brown streak in it. Trumpet is a dragon-human hybrid kid with light skin, black hair, a rainbow propeller hat, a blue shirt, and jeans. He has green wings, horns, and a tail, as well as scales on his face. They are hugging. There are 5 large orange marigolds in the background, and the ground is covered in petals. End description.]

#qsmp #bagi cattuzzo #oibagi #bagi #qsmp trump #qsmp trumpet #dia de los muertos #god these two were so sweet. AUGHH MY HEART #ik there's so much fucking happening today this only happened 2 days ago but HOLY SHIT #tw child death #child death #cw child death #just to be safe #inkyart #also this is my first time doing an image description! please lmk if there's anything i can do to improve it!!!

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whumpflash · 1 year

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Penumbra: Undoing

cw: illness, whump aftermath, death/war mentions

previous ///// masterlist ///// next

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They were locked in the blacksmith's woodshed; a cold, cramped room made smaller by the logs stacked along the walls. Once securely inside, one of the men loosened the bindings on Tansy's wrists; enough to grant a scrap of comfort, if not freedom of movement. Another fastened what looked like a bridle around Cerus's head, forcing the metal bit into his mouth and pulling the leather tight.

For the hundredth time, Tansy tried to pull at the party's sympathies.

"Sirs, please. I only wanted to—"

And for the hundredth time, they were ignored, this time rewarded not with a blow, but with the slamming of the woodshed door. As the footsteps outside retreated, Tansy tested the door, ignoring the throbbing of their bruised abdomen as they threw their weight against it.

It didn't give, not even a little, and they fell away from it with a wince. Their various injuries were scattered in such a way that while moving wasn't agonizing, anything they did caused some kind of pain. In their face, in their torso, in their knuckles, a flicker or a flare.

With an immediate exit out of the question, Tansy turned their attention to Cerus. They felt a twinge of relief as they watched the shallow rise and fall of his ribcage, and found themselves wondering once again why they'd done it.

Treating his wounds was one thing, but fighting for him? Hurting fellow villagers in the name of helping the damned Shadow King?

They pushed the prickly thought aside, scanning the cramped room until their eyes landed on a small woodaxe. In their hurry to lock the pair away, the search party hadn't bothered to clear the shed.

Tansy trudged over to where the axe lay, freeing their wrists, then carrying the blade over to where Cerus lay and cutting his bonds.

The man still seemed unconscious, though he was shivering uncontrollably, and after a brief moment's hesitation, Tansy sat against the wall and gently pulled Cerus into their arms, wrapping their cloak around his shuddering form and cradling him against their chest. It was likely they'd be in here for a while, and after all they'd already done, they weren't about to let him freeze to death.

Despite his fever-hot skin, Cerus leaned into them as if seeking warmth. His head lolled back onto their shoulder, eyelids fluttering as he uttered a soft groan. Shadow King or not, warmth was warmth, and Tansy made no effort to create a distance between them, instead setting half-numbed fingers to work on removing Cerus's makeshift muzzle.

They could break out of here. It would be fairly easy with the woodaxe handy, but what then? Would they spend the rest of their lives running? Would they even make it out of the village if they were dragging Cerus along? Abandoning him was no longer an option. They'd made their choice, however stupid, and they'd stick with it.

Still, there were better paths than further ruining their own life. They could wait for the Council to arrive, and explain the situation. They could claim it was a misunderstanding, and distance themselves from the Shadow King. Or maybe they could plead for mercy. For reason. Find a better fate for them both.

They'd managed to undo the first clasp on the bridle when there was a voice at the door, muffled and reedy and familiar.

"Tansy?"

They frowned. "Uncle?" Normally, Aldon would be out on the sea at this hour. Had the news already spread to him?

"So it's true."

They felt their heart sink at his tone, shock ringed with stark disbelief. Tansy wasn't particularly close with the old man, but he was the only family they had left.

"Why?" Aldon said, his voice quieting. "Why would you do such a thing?"

Tansy grimaced, fingers moving to the second clasp. All these whys. "If you'd seen him on the dock… if you could see him now, you wouldn't ask me that," they answered.

"Child—"

"He's suffered enough abuse, Uncle. I don't care who he is. I won't stand for it."

There was silence on the other side of the door, and for a moment they wondered if he'd left. Then,

"The men are saying you've allied yourself with him, Tansy," Aldon said, his tone sharpening. "Allied with the Shadow King. I'd thought them mistaken, but now—"

"Would you have me scorn a wounded man?" they cut him off, unable to keep the anger from their voice. "Leave him to die in the cold? I thought we were better than that. I thought we all were better than that."

Aldon sighed, and the door creaked, as if he were leaning on it. "Is there nothing I can say to sway you from this madness?"

Madness. There it was. Spoken insistence that Tansy really had lost all sense when they'd chosen to hold out their hand. "Nothing," they replied. For a moment, they were resolved to speak no more, to end the conversation there if it would only amount to more accusations, but thought better of it, remembering the healing herbs still tucked into their cloak.

"If you have any love for me… if blood means anything, will you bring me some hot water? And…" they swallowed, their head throbbing. "And some willow bark. For the pain."

"For him?"

"For us. Please, Uncle."

Another long silence, filled in with the slight creak of the woodshed walls and the short breaths of the Shadow King.

"I… I will. For your sake, not his."

And then the silence lingered. Tansy let out a sharp, frustrated sigh, and at last opened the final clasp, gently removing the leather from Cerus's tangled dark hair, and pulling the bit from his mouth. As they did, his body gave a little shudder. A reaction to the touch, they thought at first, but then it came again. And again, accompanied by a small gasp. Cerus was… was he crying?

Of all the things he'd done, from his insults to his wary questioning, this was the thing they'd expected the least. This was the thing they knew how to respond to the least. Even with friends in the battalion, most preferred to hide their tears. What were they to do with an enemy?

They opted for silence, shifting slightly beneath the man, hoping he couldn't sense their discomfort.

"I lost," Cerus said after what felt like forever.

"What?" they replied, wondering if the man was in the grip of a fevered dream.

"I l-lost the war," Cerus continued, his voice laced with a tremor. "The victor chooses the fate of the defeated, and the defeated accepts." The end of his sentence was choked out by a cough, but he pushed on. "I failed, and I'll reap the rewards of that failure. It's what is right."

"Is that what you think?" Tansy said.

"It's—" Another cough, punctuated by a whimper. "It's what I know."

Reaping the rewards. Was that why he seemed so numbed to the world? Had he accepted the Council's drawn-out death sentence, and consequently given up on life? They remembered how confused he'd been when they'd started cleaning his wounds, as if it was the last thing he'd expected to happen. Yet he'd gone with them without a fight, willing to bear whatever horrors a stranger decided to drown him in.

They didn't expect him to continue, but somehow were still unsurprised when he did.

"Th-thought it was a dream," Cerus said. "When I heard the shout to stop. I thought the fever had my mind, I thought, who would say that? Who would do that? Yet here you are. And I still don't know why."

Tansy opened their mouth, the same explanation they'd given a hundred times—to their uncle, to Cerus, and more than anyone else, to themselves—on their tongue, but the Shadow King spoke again before they had a chance.

"I know, I know, you don't want to see more suffering. Then look away. Or close your damned eyes." He let out a bitter laugh. "I lost. A-and I–gnh—I earned my fate."

"You think you deserve it then? All of…" they gestured aimlessly, "...this?"

He was quiet for a moment, and when he spoke again, his voice was even, devoid of the tearful quiver that had gripped it before, replaced with something hollow.

"Such a funny word," Cerus murmured. "Deserve. Who is to say what anyone deserves? I suppose the decision falls to whoever is in power. Yet seeing as it was these new powers who chose my fate… perhaps I do deserve this."

Before they'd won the war, before they'd watched the guards drag the Shadow King's broken body into the city square, Tansy might've agreed. A man who ruled with fear should be made to feel that fear himself, shouldn't he? Terror, pain, loss. All the things they'd wished on Cerus when their home burned, when they counted their battalion's casualties, when they raised their sword against an undead soldier.

But now that he'd tasted them all, Tansy felt no closure. They only felt tired. Putting Cerus through misery didn't make anything better. Fighting fire with fire only made more fire.

"What if you hadn't lost?" they asked. "What do you think those of us who rose against you are deserving of?"

"Death," Cerus said plainly. Despite the implications, Tansy felt no fear, nor anger, nor even indignation.

"And what would you have done?" they said.

"I would have the rebel leaders and generals executed," Cerus answered with little hesitation. "Leave their corpses hanging as a warning. Foot soldiers and lower ranks would choose to swear an oath of fealty, or follow their leaders into death." Something almost joyful had crept into his voice, and a sick sense of unease crawled into Tansy's gut in response. Cerus had reason to hate his former subjects, especially after the treatment he'd received from them, but that didn't make it any easier to hear him gleefully speak of murdering them. For a moment, they could remember their determination to see Cerus fall.

"I would double the patrols," Cerus continued. "Enforce a curfew. Set up wards to alert me of any future plots. But that would be all." His voice had grown quiet, the hint of joy swiftly fading. "The deaths of the traitors would be swift. I wouldn't—" his voice broke. "I-I wouldn't have…"

The moment passed. Not knowing what else to do, Tansy wrapped their arms around him, letting him clutch feebly at their shirtsleeves as his body shuddered with suppressed sobs. Another surprise. Even now, after all he'd endured, Cerus seemed opposed to torturing his enemies.

A soft knock came at the door, and Tansy looked up to see an earthenware flagon being passed through a gap in the boards that made up the wall. They gingerly removed themselves from behind Cerus to retrieve it. The water within was not hot, but it was warmer than the surrounding air, and they fished out the pouch of herbs, pinching some between their fingers and dropping it into the water to steep.

A finger's length of willow bark followed the flagon, and they took it with a murmured thanks.

"How long are they to keep us locked in here?" Tansy asked, once they'd repositioned themselves.

"The Council will be notified, but you will not walk free before their arrival," their uncle answered.

Would they be kept here in that time? Freezing in this tiny shed? "And when will they arrive?" they asked.

"With luck, they'll garner transport with a mage's circle and be here within a few days," Aldon replied. "But child, the village will not wait."

Dread curled in their stomach at his words. "Will not wait for what?"

The old man took an audible breath before continuing. "You are both to be punished," he said. "Flogged in the square. I tried to reason with them, but people are afraid. They want to show that the Shadow King, and… and any collaborators, are subdued."

Flogged? Tansy forced themself to take a deep breath, a futile effort to ease the curdling in their gut.

"Tansy?"

"I heard you, Uncle." They closed their eyes, resting the back of their head on the wall. "It's… it'll be alright."

"I will see if I can bring you a meal," Aldon said. "Please… I ask that you think on this in the meantime. How much are you willing to sacrifice for him?"

As the sound of their uncle's footsteps faded, Tansy placed the willow bark between their teeth, chewing anxiously. A public whipping would be both painful and humiliating for them, but for Cerus it may well be a death sentence. The bandages they'd wrapped around his torso the night before had already darkened with blood from the wounds that covered his back. The thought of layering more on top of those…

They couldn't let it happen. There was one thing they could do, one way to shield Cerus, but it wouldn't be pleasant for them.

A rueful smile crept across Tansy's face.

But what's one more sacrifice?

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@whumpwillow @rabbitdrabbles @kixngiggles @honeycollectswhump @chiswhumpcorner @whatwhumpcomments , @dont-look-me-in-the-eye , @turn-the-tables-on-them

#longish #hope it flows well? some parts seem rambly to me but no beta we write like romans #penumbra: shadow king #whump #fantasy whump #villain whump #caretaker turned whumpee #reluctant caretaker #royal whumpee #villain whumpee #royalty whump #tw death mention #i was doing really good with the ocean/fishing themed descriptions for tansy in their first appearance and it's kind of fallen off 🥲

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homoquartz · 5 months

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after forcing doctors to evacuate al nasr hospital, and then bombing the area so severely that ambulances could not reach it, the israeli army left three NICU babies to suffocate or starve to death, alone in their beds. two more passed just before the evacuation, when oxygen supply was cut off.

israel denies this is the case. it is confirmed by human rights watch, cnn, and other reputable sources.

i don't like sharing shocking news, i like to paint a broader picture, but i think this paints exactly the broader picture.

#israel #gaza #palestine #child death tw #be warned the descriptions are graphic

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enderthevulpix · 22 days

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Headcanon: The corpses in Anomaly Found died from a combination of asphyxiation, excessive bleeding out of orifaces, and lacerations.

#jacksepticeye #jse egos #jacksepticeye egos #iris #altrverse #jse iris #jse #headcanon #ego headcanons #tw graphic description of death #tw blood #tw asphyxiation #tw death mention #tw death #tw asphyxiation mention

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blue-the-octoling · 4 months

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The end of Tom Weaver

First time posting something I’ve written, please don’t be too harsh on me if it’s bad! (Also there is a drawing at the end of this) cw description of death

“Where are we going mama?”

Tom asks in his sweet but raspy voice continuing to walk with his hand holding his mother’s. Though she doesn’t answer and continues to look forward not paying attention to him only her surroundings. The woods eventually let up becoming thinner until there’s only a few small saplings in the ground leading up to the edge of the cliff his mother has lead them too. It overlooks more of the woods that have remained untouched by man.

It’s beautiful he can understand why his mother wanted to bring him here maybe one day he could bring Tim here and show him too. He feels her harshly tug her hand away from his, it doesn’t surprise nor bother him as he’s too caught up in the view, he can’t wait to tell Tim when they get home. He sees his mother take a step back out of the corner of his eye and hears her mutter something that sounds like prayer “mama? What are you-“

He can’t finish his sentence before he feels a hand on his back accompanied by harsh powerful shove that causes him to tumble forward and over the cliff his hands helplessly reach out to try and stop himself but it doesn’t work.

He can feel tears fill his eyes as he looks down at the fast approaching rocky earth his body slowly spins forward his vision slowly goes from the rocky ground to the cliff as he looks up he can see his mother look over the edge watching him fall he can’t take it. He closes his eyes his body tensing as he braces for impact. It doesn’t help. His body hits the ground with a wet crunch legs, ankle and arm snapping upon impact his spine bends to fit the form of the rock the pain was already too much for him he lets out a blood curdling scream that gets cut short as his neck breaks from the force of the whiplash.

His scream turns into wet sounding wheezes as he struggles to breathe he try’s to move he can’t as he weakly twitches he can feel every pulse, every drip of blood that leaves his wounds, every breath he takes feels like fire, as it presses his lungs against his broken ribs. His eyes close as he passes out from the pain.

When he regrettably opens his eyes again he is once again brought back to the painful reality of his existence it was just about dark he could see the sun setting in the distance. Why… Why was this happening to him…? He could never do anything right… he was born a devil … his mother constantly preached to him and Tim how they were spawns of the devil.

Now he’ll die alone a monster… a devil… finally he try’s to make a sound. To call out. “t-Tim..! Ti… m.. Tim ple… ase… p-please… Tim..” he quietly wheeze cry’s as his heart beats weakly he uses what little strength he has left to call out to his brother. The only one who cared. Tears run down the side of his face as he takes his final breath wanting nothing more than to know his brother was near again.

I’m in the process of tweaking/redesigning the weaver children to be more accurate to both how they died and how I interpret them! I kept Tom pretty similar to his original design but I added more wear and tear to more accurately fit with how he died (also I think that animals got to him before he woke up as a ghost so I wanted to show that too)

#wick horror game #wick hellbent games #tom weaver #body horror tw #graphic description of death #artwork

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sky-neverending · 6 months

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TW: mentions of death, corpses, and injury (the characters are already dead and have been for a long time), light descriptions of wounds and broke bones, and overall just heed the warning that this is basically just “what would happen if the crows all died” but from an outside perspective years later. also crooked kingdom spoilers. ok i think that’s all, it’s nothing too graphic or descriptive but i want to warn just in case

Six bodies lay in shallow graves, where the grass meets the sea. Six corpses, all decomposing into earth below them and becoming one with the land they, in varying degrees of reluctance, called home. Six piles of bones, all lined up in a row underneath the feet of whoever chose to walk over that barren wasteland.

Five of the bodies were buried at the same time.

The first, with a cane in one clutched hand and a body full of broken ribs. The other hand was stretched toward the smaller body beside him, this one with a knife under the bones where her thigh would be, and two completely shattered ankles.

The third and fourth bodies were that of two boys, barely men. Their fingers were intertwined, the bones almost melded together from years under the soil. The younger boy’s skeleton was broken into fragments at the wrists and the chest, almost as if an explosion had gone wrong and burnt through the skin. The older had a single gunshot wound to his skull.

The fifth body had no obvious sign of death except a small hole in her chest, but not one that signaled broken bones, or a gunshot, or any sort of physical trauma. It was almost as if she had been killed from the inside out, an internal force leading to the tragic passing.

The sixth body was deeper in the ground, the state of decomposition further along than the others by a year's worth of time. It too was the victim of a gunshot, the rest of the large frame untouched.

These six bodies were recorded as the following: Kaz Brekker, Inej Ghafa, Wylan Van Eck, Jesper Fahey, Nina Zenik, and Matthias Helvar. The first five died during their final, fatal heist. The last, a year prior.

It is said that Brekker wrote the following statement in his will, which was rewritten days before his death:

I am going to die. We all are. If you cannot bury me in gold, bury me with the rest of them. Bury me where he was taken from me. Let the tide run over my skin until I'm nothing but a shell of a man. Let them forget me.

The bottom of the note was marked with the coordinates of the graves. It is unknown how Kaz Brekker knew he was going to die, or who the ‘he’ is that he refers to.

All that is known are the rumors. The stories. The whispers of tragedy in the wind that blows in with the tide.

All that’s left is the bones.

The bones of the ones known as Crows.

#sky writes #six of crows #shadow and bone netflix #wylan van eck #jesper fahey #kaz brekker #nina zenik #inej ghafa #matthias helvar #the crows #tw: death #tw: injury #tw: corpse #pls read the tws #even though it’s not super descriptive #crooked kingdom #ck spoilers

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furiousgoldfish · 1 year

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I wanna talk about specifically the effects abuse had of me during forced labour, because I'm wondering if anyone else is feeling the same, or if anyone has found a way to resolve the symptoms. (tw for forced child labour, abuse during labour, death threats and mentions of injury and violence)

As a kid, I've been forced to work, often in pretty bad conditions, and it would often include further abuse, berating, humiliation, criticism, yelling, I'd even be hit during the work, and I've learned that I have to keep working even if injured or crying, and had to keep those things silent and not complain. I have a specific childhood memory where I had to paint a garage for what felt a whole afternoon and I was crying the entire time, my vision was blurry, and I just thought this was normal, it was nothing out of the ordinary for me. There were also sometimes games played on me where I would be given wrong instructions on purpose, then punished for following them, or would be given zero instructions and a task I've never been taught how to do, only so I could be punished for doing it wrong, and berated for 'not knowing how to do it despite my age'.

I would also often be told that if I don't work, I can't live, and would be threatened to be kicked out and left to die if I don't deserve to be sheltered and fed, so refusing to work was not an option, I would be beaten for it and forced to work injured. It was also why I couldn't walk away from abuse during work, it always felt like a death threat over my head if I refused to do anything, because I would be risking being kicked out and left for dead.

So, the specific after-effects of this are not just severe anxiety during work, but also all of my body functions and sensations completely stop if I'm working. Even if I'm working for hours and hours, I will not experience any hunger, thirst, need to go to the toilet, I won't feel exhaustion, pain, anything. It feels almost like my body is back at the 'death threat' mode and stops everything in order to work, because it's still etched in my brain that if I don't work, I cannot survive, and so our entire survival depends on being fit to work, on stopping all body functions and sensations until the work is done and survival is secured.

And then of course, when I get back home, enter my room, I collapse almost immediately, feeling intense pain in all of my muscles and back, weakness, hunger, dizziness, sometimes tension headache, severe exhaustion. I worry this is because my body was under such severe stress being triggered during work, that it's affected the same as after surviving additional trauma. I had hoped that after a few years of work and nobody hurting me while I'm doing my job, that this would subside, but unfortunately, I'm still having the same symptoms, even working for kind people who offer to me to take a break or bring me something to drink while I'm doing physical work. I don't even notice I'm thirsty until I'm already looking at the drink.

Does anyone else have experience with symptoms like this? And did you manage to resolve some of it, and find a way to work without your body reacting to it as a severe threat to existence?

#child abuse #tw forced child labour #tw mentions of violence #tw death threats #tw child abuse #tw descriptions of abuse during labour #aftermath of abuse #effects of abuse #abusive parents #toxic parents

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