first i would like to apologize for my constant flakiness. i'm in my mid twenties now and life is beyond hectic. i've been thrown so many curveballs, and i feel horribly guilty for teasing fics only to be pulled away by life with no way to execute what has been promised-

which is why i will no longer be teasing fics or trying to set any kind of schedules for myself.

i went and saw an elvis impersonator the other night and was shocked by how many people my own age were there. usually it's just me in a crowd full of elderly women. it had me wondering if i could connect with those girls in real life the way that i had connected with you all. i wondered if maybe- just maybe- i had conversed with one of them on tumblr at some point (though i highly doubt that). it was exciting. . . but also really sad.

my mental health is probably at it's worst right now, and a friend of mine unexpectedly passed over the holidays (hence why i suddenly disappeared). i'd like to say that the anon hate didn't get to me all those months ago, but it did. i became paranoid that the second i logged into this account i'd be met with hate. anger. people telling me they didn't like my writing anymore or those that i considered friends no longer wanting to talk to me.

so i logged out of tumblr. tried to ignore the urge to write or say "i'm alive guys and i still love you just as much" because i don't want to be seen as selfish or horrible for going on a hiatus. i also don't want any of you to feel as though i abandoned you.

this account was the reason i got up out of bed every morning for an entire year. i got to know some of your lives. your loved one's names, what you were going to school to become, your wants and dreams- and being in that crowd at the elvis show brought me right back where I needed to be. it slapped me right in the face.

guilt. regret. fear

and an overwhelming sense of love. i don't want to abandon this blog. no matter how many notes or lack-there-of i receive on future fics. . . i want to keep posting. i want to talk about austin and elvis with anyone that will listen. i'm tired of being tired. i want to be happy again, and i was so happy with all of you. i want to crawl back to this bubblegum pink blog and treat it like a dollhouse- live in here with you in whatever elvis-induced delusions we share.

so if there's anyone out there that still is active- hello. i really fucking missed you.

why is it when I'm sick and on day three of fighting a 102.9 °F fever (got to 104.1 °F last night) I instantly go into subspace. Did my brain cook?

🤒🤒

"teacher, i am so sorry that i can't remember if i should give ampicillin or amoxicillin and if the dose was 20 mg/kg or 25 mg/kg... but if you give me ten seconds, i am sure i will find it from internet-"

is what i want to say at my internship but of course i keep my mouth shut

How loud do I have to cry until someone hears me?

When I wake up, I'm afraid

Somebody else might take my place

Trying to keep someone alive through someone else's chat is hard....

Especially when you need someone who will try as hard as you do ...

A Sibling Sacrifice

The JL were having a normal, for them at least, meeting when suddenly a portal rips opens and spits out a young teen with snow white hair and glowing green eyes and he's carrying a bundle as he's stumbles out and lands on his knees in the meeting room.

The two main odd things about this kid was floating above the kid's head was a crown made of stars, ice, and the colors shifting like a aurora borealis and the bundle in his arms was strangely made of stars somehow, almost like a blanket of galaxies plucked out of the cosmos.

Before anyone of them could say or do anything, the kid turns around and screams towards the portal as he scrambles for it.

"JAZZ NO DON'T DO THIS! I CAN STILL FIGHT THEM! NONONONO!" but before he could reach the portal it snaps close.

The kid lands again onto the floor when he doesn't reach it in time, pleading for the damn thing to open again, and the bundle in his arms begins to cry from the jolting and noise.

The baby crying was the only thing that stopped the kid from pleading and instead focused his attention on the bundle in his arms.

"I'm sorry, I'm so damn sorry Ellie. I should had gotten us out of there sooner, I should had saved you bef- I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything..."

Those were the rushed, raw words the kid said down to the bundle. The kid curled inwards a bit, to both shield the baby, who was calming down somewhat into tiny cry hiccups, and for himself.

Those with advanced hearing could tell the kid was still whispering apologizes under his breath as he held the baby close.

"I'm sorry everyone, I'm so sorry. I tried, I tried so hard to save everyone but in the end... I'm sorry- everyone's gone... I'm sorry."

-x-x-

[Pssst, read the tags, they clear everything up]

i have this headcanon that annabeth is completely nonchalant in her day-to-day life. and it makes so much sense to me because this girl dedicates all of her brain power/energy toward surviving, ensuring a future as an architect, and toward living the rest of her natural life with the people she loves, that mundane things like whether or not to wear her slippers on the correct feet are pointless to her. like, to me, annabeth dips her bagels in a jar of cream cheese and bagel seasoning because fuck it. to me, annabeth steals percy's pants and throws on a hoodie because she doesn't feel like walking across the room to retrieve a bra and a shirt from her dresser. to me, annabeth uses an office chair to transport herself around her and percy's apartment because free will.

filler petrigrof doodle cause im busy

alexander's army being attacked by hippopotami

in johann von hartlieb's 'alexander', illuminated manuscript, bavaria, ca. 1444

source: Munich, BSB, Cgm 581, fol. 112r

Jackie & Shauna (Yellowjackets, S01E10) "End of Beginning" by Djo

no HANG ON the fact that original timeline loki sacrificed everything to save the universe against thanos. and this timeline’s loki saw himself die saving his brother, his universe, in that time theatre, and he did it again. he sacrificed everything again to save the multiverse.

in both timelines, he went from having nothing, to having everything- a love for thor, for asgard, the universe, and a love for mobius, for the tva, for the multiverse- and his love for for everything was the very reason he sacrificed himself and went straight back to nothing again.

Loki could never be a villain again. his heart is too big for that

suicide cw

look i have been in this area before mentally. it sucks and i wouldn’t wish this on anyone. but, and this is going to sound callous, but i don’t feel any sympathy for james somerton. even if i hope he’s like. not dead. But thats all the amount of goodwill im willing to give him. The more i think about this really, the more angry i am. 

ngl this entire situation is another example of how white people weaponize their mental illness to avoid consequences. Im seeing it in real time.

this man has a continuous habit of using self-harm as a get-out-of-jail-for-free card. in both of his apologies, he has worded his supposed attempts in ways that were clearly meant to guilt people who displayed his plagiarism and overall horrendous history of racism and misogyny. i say supposed because, while i’m not saying those are lies and this would he such a fucked up thing to lie about that i don’t want to think he has, unfortunately, it’s been proven again and again that his word can’t be trusted, as he’s known to lie to try get out of consequences. Hes a proven liar. him lying about this is actually the best case scenario, because no one should go through this entire situation, wouldnt wish this on anyone, but you can only do this so often before people stop sympathizing with you. is this callous? Yeah, but like. I’m actually fucking angry he cant straight up take no as an answer. that this is how he reacts realizing he cant be one of the Cool Kidz™️ on youtube anymore. he acts like he DESERVES a career, like its not a privilege hes lost due to his own actions.

He lied about apologizing and forgiving people, he lied about giving the money to hbomberguy to give to ppl he ripped off (yknow, instead of doing it himself), he lied about the jessie gender situation and rewrote the narrative to make it so he isnt the bad guy, and hes the victim all along actually!

you can’t tell me that supposed last message of his isn’t meant to be a 13 reasons why esq attempt to deflect the blame “look i’m going to kill myself and it’s all YOUR PEOPLES FAULT for not letting me achieve my DREAM of being filmmaker IN PEACE!!! I just wanted Nick’s (the guy who I have thrown under the bus again and again) portfolio up!! Im just being a good friend dont you all FEEL BAD” he refuses to take ANY ACCOUNTABILITY of any of his actions and he IS STILL trying to shove the blame over to other people again.

it’s also pretty ironic people are like “uhhh well hbomber’s fans harassed him!!!” like hbomber outright told people NOT to HARASS JAMES!!! ALSO acting as if james doesn’t have a very real documented history of STRAIGHT UP sending his fans to harass and threaten smaller creators, more notably women, trans, and bipoc creators. especially after he’s stolen typically very personal anecdotes so he could profit from them. so why can he do it but the second people are like “hey this guys an actual piece of shit.” and he can’t handle it suddenly people are trying to white knight his shit? like no he doesn’t get that. he doesn’t get that at all just because he couldn’t handle the consequences of his actions. 

what? were supposed to stay quiet about a man profiting off of other minorities because he wanted to be the spokesman for all gay people? people tried to solve this on a smaller, more private scales for YEARS and he kept doing it. it was clear that the giant public video was the ONLY way to get people to notice. HE WOULDVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH STEALING 87 FUCKING THOUSANDS WORTH OF DOLLARS. HE CANT HANDLE THE FACT HE CANT GET AWAY WITH IT. 

am i supposed to feel bad for the guy who basically threatened a trans woman with the police? i don’t care what anyone says, it’s so fucking obvious that he threatened jessie by implying he was getting the police involved in their conflict. what am i supposed to act like that didn’t happen? are we supposed to pretend like he didn’t glorify nazi’s and outright said that gay people made up a good chunk of the nazis? That he didnt say america joined ww2 bc they were jealous of the NAZIS. WHAT WOULD POSSESS YOU TO FUCKING SAY THAT. but then? He gives women (not even women most of the time, he misgenders nonbinary ppl constantly) shit for writing mlm. are we supposed to act like he doesn’t straight-up sees himself superior and better than people of color and steals their works to put himself on a pedestal? Are we supposed to act like he didnt spit on our elders by saying “only the boring gays survived aids” like man! Fuck you! He BLANTANTLY MAKES UP HISTORY TO PUT HIMSELF ON A PEDESTAL!! HE ACTIVELY TRIED TO REWRITE LGBT HISTORY TO SUIT HIS FUCKED UP NARRATIVES!

yes this sucks ! no one deserves this but no one should be making him a martyr. Thats what he fucking WANTS! He wants to be immortalized as a victim!! (again, supposedly, it was reported hes alive but its not confirmed).

The shit he got isnt near the amount of fucking callous behavior hes done again and again. Again, to drill this point, EVEN IF HE DIDNT CALL THE POLICE HE THREATENED A TRANS WOMAN INTO THINKING HE DID!!! The fact he tried to use a head injury to justify years of the outright ghoulish shit fucking astounds me. Why the fuck did anyone in his life thought it was a good idea to let him TRY to come back. in the end, he had options. he didn’t need to try to make a comeback. HE DIDNT NEED TO FUCKING LIE OR IGNORE THE SHIT HE WAS CALLED OUT ON the reality is, he wanted to come back thinking he could shove it under the rug, was told that no dude, you’re not allowed to be a youtuber anymore. you’re done. you need to move on and went full nuclear. it’s not on anyone’s hands but his own. HES BEEN DOING THIS TO HIMSELF!! But nah man we cant call his shit out bc hell may or may not kill himself. Fuck the other minorities who have the same issues but worse and sometimes BECAUSE of him. This is going to SUCKKKK so bad when other ppl, specifically white gays, are going to weaponize this shit to get away with their stuff.

I think it matters a lot that a) everyone who has seeming offered to help Karna has done so *after* she needed it. And b) was in some way using her and therefore needed her.

In the eyes of a child, if you weren’t there when she needed you, and can’t even help yourself, what good are you to her?

Bloodweave fans are sleeping on the fact that Gale is canonically full of hubris and genuine desire for power. Like he was looking for power before Mystra whereas Astarion only wants to Ascend to feel safe- something he also feels when surrounded by love and friends.

So give me an Astarion who rejects the ritual and a Gale who decides to chase godhood not because he feels that the man he is isn’t enough for anyone but because he wants to protect his lover from ever being hurt again. And make it so fucked up

For a moment, imagine yourself in Mithrun's brother shoes.

Your brother - stronger, prettier, more charismatic, but also distrustful and disdainful of everyone especially you - is to be sent to the Canaries. It is the rule, it is the duty of all noble houses. But you know what goes on there, Mithrun knows what happens there. Yet you see him off, bidding a temporary farewell as you do, because someone from the House has to go and it won't be definitely you. Mithrun knows this, you know this. And you wonder, very briefly, if Mithrun hates you now more than he does already.

Your brother - powerful, agile, a good soldier just as he is as an heir, if he could only be an heir - suddenly disappears. The unit he belonged to suddenly disappeared. And you're speechless because - how? why? No one wants to answer you; they will instead try to bring back a body, they promise to you. But that is not what you want. You grieve for your brother. but your own family doesn't grieve with you. Wasn't Mithrun family too?

Then you found out: MIthrun is alive.

Your brother - now weak, despondent, his eyes always looking for something that is not here nor there - is to be sent home where people can take care of him. It is not your first choice, you want him home. But he is - sick. Not quite there. He needs someone who can look after him and you look at yourself - your gait, your constitution - and you know it can't be you. So, you follow the advice of your family and pour out all your resources to find him the best of healers and caretakers. You ask yourself, almost daily, if Mithrun would ever return to who he once was.

Your brother - strong, pretty, uninterested of anything and anyone else aside from what he calls 'the demon' - is now better. He can walk on his own now, eats without throwing up on himself. The color on his skin is back and the scars of his injuries have faded into thick bumps and discolored skin. But he still isn't quite there; still needs help and probably will for the rest of his life. And you can live with that. You can provide that. Just as long as he comes home.

But doesn't. Your brother - now a husk of his former self, and you hate thinking of him that way, but you can't help yourself, the Mithrun you knew is gone - runs straight back to the Canaries. His mission is not over, he says. He doesn't care how long it takes, he says. And you see him off, again, because someone from the House has to go and it still can't be you. Mithrun knows this, you know this, and you can't help but wish, very briefly, if things would've been different if you went instead of him.