[sometimes the streetkid looks at the fancy suits and dinners those shithead corpos get; or the dirt tracks and broken beer bottles the nomads leave in their wake... and convinces himself he won't like it any better than going home to concrete that hug too tight and a city that cheats on him.]

on a meta level? streetkid V my beloved. on a story level? i think sometimes, privately, little v gets self-conscious after meeting people like Rogue who's the biggest fixer in NC or Judy who's the best BD editor he knows, or Kerry who's this massive rockerboy legend, and all these other big shots.. and sometimes, privately, he still feels like a nobody kid from Heywood.

Marie will give Jordan the biggest lovesick beautiful doe eyes to ever grace this earth and they will still think "but does Marie really love me???"

many years ago someone complimented me on how sincerely i wished my ex well after a break up and i did mean it at the time but im truly not that bitch anymore i hope his nose is stuffy the rest of his life tbqph

do you ever think about how will probably wishes he was braver?

that he could tell mike the truth about himself without having to speak in code. that he could stick to his guns when he's been wronged and stand up for himself rather than tucking tail and turning the other cheek. that he could be less shy, less sensitive, less cowardly, and maybe then his loved ones wouldn't forget about him as often as they do.

maybe then they would pick him first, rather than leaving him for last. maybe then they would want to hang out with him and hear what he has to say. maybe then they would treat him like they used to, like he can still take care of himself just like they can, instead of like a fragile little thing that they pick up only when they need him. maybe then they would care about him as much as he cares about them. maybe then he wouldn't doubt that it could all come crashing down once they know who he really is, and always has been, because the rest of him would've been enough.

like, maybe he wishes he didn't freeze or run away so much. maybe he wishes he wasn't so afraid all the time, of every little thing. that he could be brave like mike, el, or his mom. i mean, el's been through so much, too. why can't he be more like her? why does he have to hide behind her? he hides behind her when the monsters come crawling back, and he hides behind her when he can't bring himself to say what he really means—even after getting on her case about it.

he spent so much time on that painting. he didn't let anyone see it—it was that special to him. why couldn't he own up to that? there's no monster in the van with him; it's just him and mike and this painting of the party, nothing inherently incriminating or romantic, and still—he can't help himself. he retreats back into the shadow, shrinks into himself, and tells lie after lie to the person that he never lies to, that he knows doesn't fucking deserve that, just because he's too scared.

of course he'd feel like a mistake sometimes. of course he'd hate who he is (if That script is to be believed), when he can't even talk to the one person that would understand without lying straight to his face, over and over again, like a fucking hypocrite. of course he'd feel so lost without the person that tells him it's okay to be this way and shows him that there is indeed strength in it. of course he'd hate who he is when he's encouraging someone to be true and speaking about their courage, all while being incapable of taking his own advice, and giving the credit for all of his love and efforts and emotions to someone else.

so many people died to bring him back, so many people died just because he didn't stay dead when maybe he should have, and for what? so that he can continue to hide rather than live his life? so that he can turn into a "worse" version of himself? so that he can live in fear? so that he can continue to ache for a past that he can never return to, while everyone else moves forward and berates him for not doing the same? time stopped in the upside down when will went missing, and he's been stuck there ever since, too. too much has happened for him to move on from. too much has changed—he's changed. he's too different now, in every way, and the older he gets the more clear it becomes.

of course he'd feel like a mistake. of course he'd hate who he is. he's the common denominator here: in his loneliness and in this war. the boy who came back to life when others didn't. the boy that got possessed and couldn't fight it. the boy that turned into a liar and a coward and must learn to live with it, even if it's at his own expense. the boy that can't let go of the past and whom the past won't let go of either, because even after everything, he's still connected to this great evil that won't let him go. they got it out of him, and yet the tether remains, because of-fucking-course it would.

just—why? why him? why can't anything ever go right with him? why is he always the outlier? i think that overwhelming amount of fear, shame, grief, guilt, exhaustion, and loneliness would wear anyone down, let alone a teenager that never asked for any of it and has experiences so unfathomably unique that the only other people that could have possibly understood are literally dead.

Wouldn't have expected to bawl my eyes out again the second time around playing through "Knocking on Heaven's Door", yet here we are.

Man. Just. URGH. Idk, just seeing V react from Johnny's perspective, when Alt delivers horrible message after horrible message. It kills me. Also ;___;

"I never thought I'd ever like you, but I do."

How dare. And the goodbye handshake, "Remember me", "Think of me now and then", my fucking heart.

How Johnny's final scene is mirrored by V floating out into space later 🥺

It's the parallels. It's the growth. It's the animations and voice acting 😭😭 I fucking love this game sm.

Dunno how I'm gonna survive the (Don't) Fear the Reaper ending ngl xD But I have it unlocked this time around so yeah 👀👀👀 excited for that!!

My love for you shouldn't be a weapon, but it is...only I hope it never hurts you like it hurt me.

Emotional Mama Mun Talk

As I was putting Baby V to bed tonight, it dawned on me how one day—maybe even soon—we’ll hear him say, “Goodnight” and “I love you” back to us. And I may have a lump in my throat now. 😭

So like certified bad day. My grandma died this morning and now I'm sick???? Bro come on

Okay rant post

i have to speak my truth n my truth is i wish owl house was a good show. pains me that it isnt. i do love it tho 10/10

Hi, just popping in to say I'm alive, still working on the next chapter and those ask responses, everything's good. |'D In case anyone was worried!

Imagine if Vichtels grow to be less and less human looking as they get older. When they're young, their eyes are white due to skin growing over them.

Then with puberty the skin falls off and they get their glowing eyes, their powers come in and their chest gets that thin split that eventually allows for childbirth.

But there may be more stages afterwards, sort of how humans get menopauses and such. Dad!Jon is still kind of young, he's approaching middle-age but if there is another phase he could be entering it soon.

Charmed (1998) rewatch but only seasons 1-3 and then treating the season 4 premiere as an open-ended finale 🤷🏻‍♀️

uhhhhhh he;s in my brain

criminal

HEY. WHAT

Ok first day of heaptober! Magyk/Alchemy which I more interpreted as Magyk V Alchemy.

Image ID: A handrawn grayscale sketch showing Marcia Overstrand and Marcellus Pye standing off. They’re facing each other with their hands on their hips. Behind Marcia the Silver Doors to the Magyk Tower can be seen, showing the entry hall, and the Magyk Tower itself. Behind Marcellus the Great Doors of Time are seen, as well as the great Alchemic Fyre. End ID