#time to earn my ask
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That viral post that's going around about how people who write "book quality" mlm fic are too "normal" to publish and have real jobs so only "weird" people publish their "shitty" fanfic is so completely out of touch with reality and I am giving a massive side eye to everyone reblogging it.
Not only is it completely, easily verifiably untrue (you cannot enter any professional writing space without tripping over a dozen grizzled scifi writers who got their start by filing off the serial numbers and publishing their Star Trek fanfic even going back decades ago??? it's a whole thing?? plus how can you look at the mlm category on Amazon right now and say with a straight face that people aren't publishing shitty Spirk and Stucky fanfic??? Oh, honey...) it's also the perfect example of this kind of sneering elitism that true artists would never sully themselves by seeking profit, they do it only for the purity of the thing that always somehow leads back to, "no one should be paid to make art, actually."
The only reason you're seeing more published fanfic right now has nothing to do with the idealistic purity of your hypothetical government employee written smut of the past vs the debased scribbles of those awful straights of today and everything to do with the fact that a) self-publishing has created a voracious readership that wants a ton of content so it's become a viable, flexible income stream for many, especially disabled people b) anyone can publish now with self-publishing tools so there are less gatekeepers and c) lockdown got a lot of people into fandom and therefore writing who never tried it before.
And if you really think there's no "shitty" published mlm and no "book-quality" m/f writing out there that started as fanfic, then you are clearly not a reader so why are you even talking about this?
#love how they manipulated people into spreading that post by making it seem like a cishet vs gay thing#when the real message is OP thinks trying to sell your writing is cringe and 'weird' and 'normal people' with jobs would never#which would of course never have flown on the fandom website#so they played into the queer shipping is purer than cishet shipping puriteen thing#and it worked!#because my god people are gullible#this is the direct pipeline that leads to AI thievery#''normal' people write for the joy of it anyway so why do you need pay? you are just greedy and 'weird'!'#'oh no this isn't about who we get to call cringe and who gets to profit from art it's about um...#(quick what's a hated m/f ship?).. oh uh 'shitty' REYLO#and not our super pure uh... (spirk is still popular right? lets throw in that avengers one too to make it seem timely) stucky!'#I'm sorry if I have no sense of humor about this but the year is 2024 and people are still way too ready to sneer#about writers trying to earn a fucking living in the shittiest timeline#and i need you to look deep into yourself and ask you why it's so important to you to tell yourself that only people writing what you like#are 'normal' with real jobs and to vilify everyone else as 'weird' and 'shitty'#for trying to make an income during a financial fucking crisis#i would say sorry for ranting about this but I'm not sorry because wtf#write whatever you want#publish whatever you want#there is no moral fucking purity in what the content is#and one thing certainly doesn't make you more 'weird' or 'normal' than the other#like there is soooo much shitty mlm that started as fanfic???#that post is 100% OP made up some guys to get mad about and called them relyos for the clicks#writing#publishing#writblr#writeblr#i wasn't going to tag this anything but you know what fuck it I'm mad#i had like 5 more tags but tumblr cut me off which is fair 😅#fan fiction
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CINDY THE SKULL — “Evening, officers. It’s a bit late to be skulking about, don’t you think?” Though she’s lounging around the coal room door as languidly as ever, her pale eyes ringed with coal dust seem to bore a hole in your skull.
YOU — “I’m looking for a place to sleep.”
CINDY THE SKULL — She lifts an eyebrow at you and Kim. “Did the cafeteria man finally decide he wasn’t interested in keeping a pigsty?”
YOU — “No, Kim is still staying there. I just can’t pay my bill.”
KIM KITSURAGI — The lieutenant clears his throat slightly. “Let’s not give people the impression that officers of the RCM make a habit of dodging their tabs, detective.”
CINDY THE SKULL — She glances at Kim, lips pursing just slightly.
EMPATHY — His little comment irritated her. Curious.
CINDY THE SKULL — “Tough luck, officer.” She shrugs, the faux fur collar of her coat brushing her cheeks. “There’s a perfectly good garbage bin in the courtyard. It’s got a lovely view. Real prime real estate.”
YOU — “I know. Garte said I could sleep there, but I’d rather find somewhere else.”
CINDY THE SKULL — She blinks her coal-smeared eyes at you. Then, she turns to the lieutenant. “Is he joking?”
KIM KITSURAGI — “No,” he says drily. “He is not. If you know of any… more *comfortable* places to sleep, we would be much obliged.”
CINDY THE SKULL — She stares openly at the two of you, as if in disbelief.
COMPOSURE — The absurdity of your plight has nearly broken right through her veneer of youthful detachment.
CINDY THE SKULL — “Maybe I’m the one who should be a detective. I can solve your little case for you right now.” She points to the lieutenant. “Your room.”
KIM KITSURAGI — His face is solid stone. “No.”
ESPIRIT DE CORPS — There are so many reasons why he does *not* want to do that. He has neither the time nor any desire to share them with Cindy. Or with you, for that matter.
-1 MORALE
CINDY THE SKULL — She whistles softly. “Damn. Must be true what they say about pigs and cannibalism.”
KIM KITSURAGI — The lieutenant does not rise to her bait.
EMPATHY — But there is something playing at the downturned corners of his mouth and the furrow of his brow. Something like guilt.
YOU — “What about the coal room, Cindy?”
CINDY THE SKULL — She outright laughs at you. “Fuck no! You want in my room, get a warrant, piggo!”
LOGIC — While drug possession is not a crime in Revachol, it doesn’t stop most cops from confiscating substances from vulnerable civilians for their own personal use. Including yourself, most likely.
ELECTROCHEMISTRY — Hey, good idea! Cindy’s an artsy type, she’s probably got all kinds of shit to get her creative juices flowing.
PAIN THRESHOLD — And to get her through the cold and the hunger and the cruelty.
VOLITION — No. Don’t make things any worse than they already are.
YOU — “But then… where do I go?”
CINDY THE SKULL — She shrugs again. “It’s not my problem, is it? Ask your partner, here. Or maybe you should take a hint and go back home to the farm.”
YOU — “I don’t know if I have a home… I think I lost it.”
KIM KITSURAGI — The lieutenant’s frown deepens. He stares down at his boots rather than meet your or Cindy’s eye.
CINDY THE SKULL — A long, almost uncomfortable silence. Her eyes are hardening as they take you in— you and your bloodshot eyes, your slightly labored breathing, your clothes that are certainly too thin to keep you warm tonight.
EMPATHY — She feels sorry for you, and she resents herself for it.
CINDY THE SKULL — She lets out a long sigh, closing her eyes and shaking her head. “All right, piggy. Just quit looking at me all pitiful… You saw the foreclosed apartment in the hall, right? If you wait for the cleaning lady to go to sleep, and you don’t stay long, it’s not a bad place. Better than the trash, anyway.”
REACTION SPEED — She seems to regret it as soon as the words leave her mouth. She’s not thrilled at the idea of trusting your honor not to rat out or even arrest your fellow squatters. But it’s too late now.
SUGGESTION — Wait. Is it really that simple? What if she expects something in return for the information? Or she could be setting a trap for you!
YOU — “Hang on. What’s the catch?”
CINDY THE SKULL — A wry smile breaks out across her face. It almost looks pained. “No catch, officer. I’m no snitch. Nor a pig.”
RHETORIC — You’ve insulted her more deeply than she cares to let on. She helped you because she knows your struggles intimately. Struggles that have claimed the lives of people she cared about. But now you’ve reminded her of the difference between you: she calls you pig because you sold your humanity for the power to strip others of their own.
EMPATHY — She’s sad. She was born sad and she will die sad. You are the one making her sad.
YOU — “Hey, Cindy?”
CINDY THE SKULL — “What?”
“I’m sorry. Thank you for helping me.”
“You shouldn’t judge me. We’re the same. We do what it takes to survive. You have the Skulls, I have the RCM.”
“Can’t we just get along?”
“I’ll pay you back somehow. I’ll make things right.”
“I don’t want to be this kind of animal anymore.”
KIM KITSURAGI — The lieutenant looks up at you, startled. Concerned, even. He almost looks as though he wants to say something, but nothing comes to him. He just stares at you, at a loss.
CINDY THE SKULL — She levels you with a steady gaze. Even without the coal dust, her eyes would look sunken into her wan face. If it weren’t for the roundness still clinging to her cheeks, she would have lost nearly all trace of her youth by now.
“I don’t think you even understand what kind of animal you are,” she says coolly.
ENCYCLOPEDIA — Homo sapien.
CONCEPTUALIZATION — A tiny, violent ape.
AUTHORITY — Predator.
HALF LIGHT — Prey.
VOLITION — You’re a human, Harry. Nothing more or less.
INLAND EMPIRE — The saddest and cruelest animal of them all.
#disco elysium#cindy the skull#harry du bois#kim kitsuragi#i have a lot of feelings about cindy’s interactions w the player…#but anyway. this was inspired by me failing to earn enough money on day 2 to pay garte#and since i asked joyce for money on day one kim never sold his spinners for me#but like he does that to cover specifically the damages right. not for ur 20 real for the room#so he was comically uncaring about my plight LMFAO#even tho I the player knew that he could help me if he wanted bc he still had the spinners 😭😭😭#anyway this resulted in me panicking and swearing for quite some time bc joyce was gone for the night#and the pawn shop was closed#and eventually i just went and savescummed the check to beat up measurehead until i passed#just so that i could look around the harbor for money until i had enough to pay for the bed 😭#sorry kim for making you follow me around past 4 am but actually im not sorry#that’s what you get for almost letting me sleep in the garbage SNSGEJDHX
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lmao i feel like i should have been way more excited during the initial relaunch announcements
but it really speaks to how gatekeepy the loudest parts of fandom became and how mistreated certain characters (ie those not part of the chosen pet fav circlejerk on x-tw*tter, which would matter less if it weren’t a vacuum reinforced by the actual x-office) were under outgoing editorial these last five years that even a post-krakoa announcement of my girl finally:
-headlining a flagship
-with an incredible writer and artist team
-a SOUTHERN GOTHIC premise
-the possibility of rogue finally having enjoyable interactions with remy and kurt
-under new editorial (that hasn’t said inflammatory things about said character in interviews afaik)??
still kinda had me like
“cool!!…
…still not pre-ordering. i’ll see for myself in august” 👉👈
and then literally all it took was gail simone’s cbr mini q&a to alleviate everything i was paranoid about
(ie worried that rogue and gambit were only finally getting attention due to corporate knowing they sell/mcu synergy (cough r&g 2.0) while editorial themselves actively hates and sidelines them, that remy might be a punching bag joke once again, that dull - and mostly yt - sausage fest of a proposed line-up, r&g 2.0/uncanny avengers/duggan’s x-men/excalibur fatigue, general saltiness from the inferno exclusion and basic removal from her mothers’ lives)
and basically i now say
bring it!!!!
#like listen bitch ive been tricked before lmao#as long as cebulski san is running things from the top i remain wary#but#they had me at ‘southern gothic’ and the creative team#i want to hope this office won’t cater to twitter/podcast BNFs like the previous one did but….#the x-office needs to EARN my $ back this time 🕶️#x#fans of rogue and gambit and rogue/gambit truly ask for so little#we were spoiled by kelly thompson and im hoping we get just HALF of that energy and care w simone#fingers crossed just based on how badass her other characters have been#plus she’s all but confirmed monet is joining#monet and jubes and rogue???????#bless u gail simone
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Like obviously the whole "they're just doing [x] for attention!" is completely asinine because humans are social creatures who need attention to some capacity, but also... in your narrative, does everybody do things specifically for your attention? When somebody does something drastic or shocking, is it not because they're desperate for help but just because they crave your attention specifically? Does the sun rise and set at your command as well?
#mental health#i get why people say that but it does come across like you're taking somebody's real struggles and almost whining about how...#...they're trying to steal your attention and cheat their way into your heart#and that the act of wanting attention would be a heinous act that you must insert yourself in to fix#like i see this behaviour as genuinely selfish most of the time - taking somebody's cries for help and making it about you essentially#i was listening to my dad tell a story about how somebody's *daughter* had made an attempt and everybody was talking about how...#...she had done it for attention. how fucking cruel. how fucking selfish...#...i couldn't imagine hearing people be that impertinent over my *daughter's* life#honestly that boils my blood as an *outsider* and i truly hope the family is healing#suicide tw#self harm tw#sh tw#(just for implication in the post)#ask to tag (genuine)#just hate the culture of '[they're] doing it for attention lulz' that is still popularized#which is part of the reason the tone is snappy/snarky. i think i've earned the right to be angry at how people interact with...#...this stuff and how it's doing nothing good for anybody
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bold of you to assume we (or atleast i) dont want to read paragraphs about ik's and belphie's dynamic 😈😈
if you feel like writing that, i'd absolutely love to read about it!!! ^^
RIGHT YES this took me a hot minute but let's go!!!!
so the main points that this is all built around:
belphie is someone who is absolutely shit at understanding himself
ik is someone who has a knack for understanding anyone she talks to for long enough
belphie's first resort is usually to leave things to someone else, but easily asserts the things he wants
ik will actively pursue you if she thinks she can help, despite usually feeling guilty about requesting anything
they both have very simple views of very complicated things
building from point 1: this is not entirely belphie's fault - i've talked about this before, so i'll just paste the pertinent bits here:
belphie, as the youngest brother, has been detrimentally coddled in regards to these things, and has NO fucking idea how to properly deal with loss
the others haven't tried to talk to him about his grief for lilith, nor about their experiences during the celestial war; when they all had to support each other after the fall, they comforted him, but never ever discussed the pain of it all
it's like the doctor refusing to talk about your actual symptoms because they're afraid of making you uncomfortable, and instead just soothingly going "it's okay, just take some ibuprofen and see me in the morning"
belphie underestimates himself and, at the start of the year, is convinced that there's no way forward - 1. he feels he's left it too late, 2. he feels he's the only one still hung up on lilith's death, which only makes him more bitter, and 3. he thinks that the hatred and grief is just who he is now
now take ik, who finds him in the attic and takes worryingly little convincing to help him - even more concerningly, she decides to go through with it even upon finding out he was lying about his identity. this is a direct contradiction to his conviction that humanity is selfish and cruel - more than that, the more ik visits and chats with him, the more he remembers why he'd been so fascinated by humans as an angel
except it also reminds him of how much lilith loved humanity. belphie doesn't think he's capable of letting go - he doesn't think he's allowed to, and to him befriending a human and moving on is the same as betraying his sister's memory. so he represses any feelings of good-will and continues to nurse his hatred
i think it's important to note that belphie's hang-ups have always been self-destructive before this, but the more he lets his own grief fester, the more it threatens to burst. his threat to lucifer about destroying humanity is an early indicator of this, and it culminates in a moment of extreme emotional distress where it finally all implodes
so ik - in the wrong place and the wrong time (in the literal sense) - finds him in the middle of a nightmare, wakes him up, and gets murdered for her troubles
belphie shuts down immediately after, because to him this is a point of no return. he's already convinced himself that nothing can be done for him, and this is the proof. except then everyone else forgets what's happened, and, panicking, he goes along with it - out of fear of losing his family if he comes clean.
so: point 2 - consider that a big thing with ik is that she just doesn't get why belphie acts the way he does after killing her. she's been able to get into the heads of his brothers before him, and even now can somewhat rationalise them forgetting, but she has no idea why belphie - who first killed her and then acted like he'd forgotten about it - would suddenly seem so wracked with guilt upon finding him in the dreamscape
belphie does not think he is strong enough to move on. ik, somehow, intrinsically, already knows this is not true. this is why she's so bewildered by belphie telling her lilith's story. he's convinced this is some kind of damning evidence, but ik doesn't get how this explains anything. and because she doesn't understand, she seeks answers.
now take point 3 and 4. belphie does not attempt to seek forgiveness - he just sits in the cell solomon locks him in. he doesn't try to get out, he doesn't attempt to repent, and he doesn't want to, because as far as he's concerned there's nothing to be done
ik, on the other hand, is going to put her home back together by force if necessary, so she goes to find him. multiple times, she climbs up the tower stairs to rescue him from a waking nightmare - the same thing that killed her - because her family is still his family, and she knows too well what it's like when you go without.
belphie has been sitting stagnant for millennia on end, and now ik has decided that she is going to KICK him along until he figures out that he can stand on his own two feet and keep going. and it works, because for some reason digging demons out of emotional pits of their own creation is ik's specialty
and now point 5: ik and belphie fall quite easily into a typical sibling dynamic of the "i'll make fun of you constantly, but if anyone messes with you they're dead" kind. they never really sit down to talk out all the residual Baggage of everything, because neither of them are the type to overthink these things
but EVEN THEN. they may be simple-minded but the complication of the everything that led up to this means there's little hidden meanings even in the normalcy of their behaviour, and neither of them ever register it
for belphie it's "i'll never understand you. thank you for understanding me. i don't know what to say, so i'll tease you for tripping on your laces instead. i'd throw someone down a gorge if they made you cry. let's go shopping. i think i'll spend the rest of my life wondering if i can ever close the wound i tore in your soul."
for ik it's "i'll never forget what you did to me. i see you in my nightmares sometimes. thanks for waiting for me after school. quit making a show out of helping me reach the top shelf. sometimes i'm glad you regret things so much. can you help me with this homework? i think we're alright."
and for both of them it's "i like hanging out with you. sleep well. i'm glad we're home."
in conclusion,
i am crazy about things i made up entirely. perhaps i am cringe but i am free
#answering asks#valenrien#and also#anon asks#i meant to write this out like two days ago but i got Super Invested out of nowhere#in drawing this one thing of solomon and mephisto#idk if i'll get around to fully finishing it so like 75/25 whether i'll ever post it#but it's been very fun. i finish my work and then get to go 'hehehe time to go draw gay people'#for brief moments my youth was returned to me and i was fifteen years old#and drawing godzilla going on dates with various dinosaur and dragon ocs again#i haven't drawn godzilla in years. i used to be so good at it. i should draw him hanging out with ik#but anyway. in conclusion#belphie is a wounded animal in a beartrap and ik is the farmer's boy who loses a finger trying to prise it open#ik's unrelenting and fierce campaign for everyone she loves to just be NICE to themselves is almost frightening to belphie#who doesn't quite comprehend how she does it and doesn't feel he's quite earned forgiveness#except what ik's forgiveness forces him to confront is exactly what he deserves
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Okay I did get distracted by a grade being posted and I am about to be both a nerd and a millennial but god ngl I do hate classes where you get full points on all your assignments but don't actually get any actual feedback on them. What is the point. If it's a class where everyone gets passing grades for making the effort but you get actual feedback and comments, that's great! But I would genuinely rather get points docked and get extensive comments on what I did well and what needed improvement and why than this.
#what is the POINT#like at that point it feels like busy work frankly! it doesn't feel like anyone's worrying about whether or not I learned something!#and like I can self reflect on my own learning. I'm good at that. that's fine. but a) not everyone can#and b) it REALLY does not help the perception that a degree is something you pay for but don't actually need to learn anything to get#which is a MASSIVE problem rn. there's no actual value placed on LEARNING THINGS.#like I know for a FACT that I have turned in B+ average assignments at best in this class.#just cuz I only have finite time and I gotta stay sane and it's not an area I'm going to go any further than surface level in.#the overview is good and important! but the work I'm doing is reflective of my investment and frankly it should've earned a B+ at most.#like at least if you're docking a point and telling me what for I know you READ the damn thing. christ alive.#you may ask yourself 'oh my god why are you like this' and the answer is. have you looked at my blog.#anyway. okay nOW I'm going to bed.
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kate likes to hover. all. the. time.
she’ll come up behind you and stand with her hands clasped behind her back and her chin inches from your shoulder but will just stay there and let you keep doing whatever you were doing
if you’re making dinner, talking to someone, really just staying in one place for any reason at all, she’s gonna be right there
it’s cute most of the time except when you don’t notice and turn your head and run into her or have the jumpscare of your life
it’s especially cute when she’s on top of you and will top for a moment, your lips inches apart as you lock eyes and just enjoy being close to each other
i can SO SEE THIS
like she’s just a lil observer and wants to be near you but lets you do your own thing
like if ur studying or doing something artsy or smart she’d just kinda sit n watch from afar. its cute bc i don’t think she’d do it from a possessive standpoint either she just wants to be near you and likes seeing what you’re doing. if anything she’s just being nosey she couldn’t care less abt other people
i’ll let the top kate slide bc that is an accurate representation (i’d know ofc 🤷♀️) like she’d keep doing whatever she’s doing but she’d make sure to watch and see every detail
#it’s like when dads say they don’t wanna watch the movie but stand at the end of the couch the entire time#she is a lesbian dad#wcbb#kate martin#kate martin my beloved#sella is here !#thank you for this babes#i think i’ve earned myself a small rep for being a kate fanatic bc i didn’t even ask for kate but everyone delivered#you know me so well#she’s hot and i’m gay#ask#this did help btw thank you#i love u
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Hiii just popping out to say thank you for feeding my sagau reader x furina brainroot by small interactions in "Even the Gods bleed." (Sorry if I wrote it incorrectly, I didn't get proper sleep.)
They way reader tugged at Furina's cheek— hell yeah your Grace I understand you.
i am always down to feed other furina enjoyers. at some point i need to give furi her own solo fic with reader but i know im gonna make it like triple the length of everything else..favoritism at its finest!! and proud of it. furina gets priority in everything.
#asks#anon#stares at my pending package. i bought a $55 furina plush i am Dedicated#if no one else got me i know i do. self indulgent furina/reader is my new specialty#i think abt pre/post archon quest furina all the time like#pre aq shes still very bubbly and dramatic but internally her anxiety is 10x WORSE bc now she has to compete#with ACTUAL archons on earning your favor and shes probably had 16 breakdowns in the span of 3 days over it#please give her a hug and reassure her she is like a cat w seperation anxiety sitting at the door waiting for u to come home#post aq shes a lot more mellowed out but also. once again. worse!!!!#because now she cant even say shes the hydro archon and have an excuse to be allowed to see you whenever she wants#shes just. a human now. so she kinda resigns herself to just never getting to see you again except maybe in passing#once again Please Give Her A Hug SHE DESERVES IT 💔#sorry i ranted too much um. runs.#never ask me abt furina sagau i think abt it too much#dont know if ill be continuing the series unfortunately so no more furina on that front uhh. oops.
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Genuinely fucking insane how medical facilities are closed on Sundays like yeah sickness and injury also follow a specific calendar. Yeah my fuckin' cat doesn't eat stupid shit oj Saturday evening
#Pontia might be fucked . She's thrown up foam four times today and my mom won't call the vet until Monday#She's hiding too#I . Fuck dude .#ask to tag#I'm so worried she's eaten some shit and Monday will be too late#I have expressed this ! But I have a well earned reputation among my household of being Fucking Hysterical so !
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Peace and love on planet Earth but if I see one more post NOT about recovery and, in fact, encouraging eating disorders in the ed recovery tag, I might just turn into a chimpanzee and tear everyone's faces off.
#ed recovery#are you people for real?#ONE. I'm asking for ONE tag.#how tone-deaf and cruel do you have to be to post your active ed behaviour absolutely without any trigger warnings#or forewords#you know what i foolishly expect in the es recovery tag? ed recovery. yes i know very presumptuous of me.#i expect people who are trying to recover or are in recovery sharing their experiences and maybe some body positivity#talking about how hard recovery can be; for example. etc etc.#you know what happens in the tag? of course you do. ana meal diaries. posts about nothing but how much you body check#talking about how much you hate yourself because you're trying to lose 10kg and yesterday you had a salad and now you're asking#for tips how to get better at restricting and continuing your ed.#everyone who does that is a ghoul. and I'm done being nice and ignoring that shit.#like. some fucking room check maybe? I'm sitting in my flat shaking from cold which is caused only partly by the room temperature#and I'm doing my best to avoid everyone i know because i can't stand the thought of them seeing my form and when someone#i know accidentally meets me on the street or somewhere i feel like shit because I'm disgusting and if it were up to me#i wouldn't even leave this flat at all. so you know. naturally. i try to get myself at least some form#of support. i try to look for positivity for people like me; who are trying to recover. i want an outside source to affirm that I am not#repulsive. that I'm not insane when i think that all bodies are cool and fascinating and that there's no way or shape anyone is#expecting me to be in order to earn their love or at least their lust. and what do i get instead? you ghouls#wonderful. lovely. think about all the people like me next time you decide to post that shit in the recovery tag. thanks.
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My current job I work on average 5.5 hours a day and you know what? I think that's the perfect amount of time to work. I have plenty of time for my hobbies while also staying on top of the housework and I'd probably have time for a social life if I wanted one (I don't lmao I'm happy just chilling on tumblr), but having a job also gives me structure and a feeling of contributing to society. I think everyone should have a work week that looks like mine. 9-5 5 days a week/grind culture is bullshit and it's tragic that it's become the accepted standard pretty much worldwide.
#actually a lot of my colleagues complain they're bored#one of them even asked me for info about teaching online bc she wanted to work *more*#the notion that nobody wants to work is nonsense#people want to work they just don't want to pour all their time and energy into just scraping by#feeling like they have to earn their place in the world#and honestly i think we could have a society like that#where everyone works half days#morning people do the morning shift and night people do the afternoon/evening shift#you know how people talk about not cleaning up after themselves bc it's 'creating jobs'?#what if we all cleaned up after ourselves and didn't need those people to clean up after us and they could assist teachers instead?#society has so much potential and capitalism squanders it honestly#not languages#just rambling
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love an ending that is 'happy' in that a desirable outcome is produced, but made complicated by the fact that the protagonist has given up something integral to themself in order to make it so. it's sort of uncool in some circles to admit you LIKE when characters give up something really cool for something pretty basic, but it's all about context and quality of storytelling, right? that sort of conviction - this is a part of my personality that i am permanently renouncing access to, and it's my choice, and i'm going to miss it, but i'm not going to regret it - that's compelling. ending in which a character who loves nothing more than the rush of finding the answer to a question is handed, one day, a puzzle they just don't want to solve. and that part of their life is over, but it's not a bad thing. maybe the answer doesn't need to be known. maybe not knowing it opens you up to a creative mindset you never had before. character who gains some kind of special power chooses to give it up not because they no longer love the ability, not because it hasn't improved their life, but because this thing they love comes with costs, is getting in the way of a life someone they love or loved and lost would want them to live. i'm glad it turned out this way. i miss the missing thing with all my heart. i would let go of it again if i was asked to choose.
#stories where people give up something beautiful to live ordinary lives because there's something in the ordinary life they want more#a very common variant of this is of course the 'immortal character renounces their lifespan for a mortal lover' plot#which is fine and all#but i like more nuanced versions . like my tobias animorphs epilogue idea where he and his mother reconnect more permanently#and one day when he's at her house they have a long. long talk. about what he is going to do now. it's been years but he's still#in this holding pattern of grief and solitude. but his mother is his one anchor to the world of humanity. and she's not getting any younger#and hawk lifespans aren't getting any longer. and they spent so much time away from each other#and he says. i miss her like an amputation mom. how do you keep going?#and she says. not missing your father because i didn't know that i loved him and he was gone was worse#and she asks hm if he's sure he could be human again. if he could give up his hard-earned flexibility of form#and he says we've been sitting here talking for three hours. little late to second-guess it now#this got away from me . but you see my vision#writing tag#animorphs i guess also lol#q
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#random personal stuff#whining ahead feel free to ignore#after a little over two weeks with my family I guess it was hard today to go back to church here and#be reminded how easy it is to feel utterly disconnected for some reason#I have a small amount of friends whom I do very much appreciate#but otherwise it's like going through life in a glass case#which is probably my fault somehow#anyway I miss going to a smaller church (it got assimilated into this huge one)#and I miss smaller more intimate Bible study groups#there are more people around now whom it's not easy to be real or vocal in front of#(including the lady who once asked if I were one of the then-pregnant women and can't remember my name etc.)#and that's not their fault and they have every right to be there#it's just a different dynamic and unfortunately it's one that I haven't figured out how to be comfortable in yet#feeling like you belong with particular people is just really hard you know?#it has to be earned and proven and mulled over sometimes for years#before it's ever even believable#I got assigned a while back to consider why the whole disconnect thing#still drawing a blank#probably supposed to have an epiphany about what I'm doing wrong#if so can it be shipped a little faster because I don't have time for this nonsense
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what favorite experiences or places or toy's of mav's do you most look forward to introducing to your puppy? what advice or lessons from mav will most benefit your beautiful budding relationships with future dogs?
I have so many fun hiking and walking trails I'm excited to introduce to the puppy, it'll be really cool to see what she likes best (Marlo's favourite being big lakes, Mav's favourite being grasslands, and Pike's favourite being dry sand or dirt).
I'm really interested to see how I balance "letting the puppy be a puppy" and "training foundations while the puppy is still a sponge". With Mav I had no clue what I was doing and no clue what I wanted anything to look like, so I was mostly noodling around doing the bare minimum and fixing problems as they came up. I have a much better idea of what I want for finished behaviours and a much better idea on how to get there, but I'm also a big fan of letting puppies be puppies with low expectations and pressure. It'll be cool to see how that plays out in the new puppy.
#about mav#mav memories#thanks for the ask!#i did some lowkey work with baby pike but she was never my dog so it wasnt much#but it was cool to do anyway#im excited to work on puppy sport foundations#im really really grateful mav was my first dog#he was really intolerant to any unkind unfair or inconsistent training#he would nope out the second it wasnt fun anymore#whereas marlo would sort of power through#(it hasnt been tested with pike but i suspect she would power through as well)#mav made me a much more accountable handler in a way that an easier or more engaged dog wouldnt have#im very grateful for that#because its going to be really beneficial for my future dogs#and because it made me kinder and more fair to mav#it was frustrating at times but the successes always felt so goddamn earned#we had to develop progress inch by inch at times but when those inches added up? it felt amazing.
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When somebody only uses my chosen name while putting me down, it kind of makes me wish I didn't have a name at all.
And when somebody only uses my pronouns when they try to coerce me into something, then switch back to they/them when talking about me to anybody else, it kind of makes me uncomfortable af.
I sincerely do not enjoy being labeled or referred to. Being referred to is such a negative experience for me irl.
Yet not giving people a set of name/pronouns when they ask automatically seems to make them think you're secretly a serial killer trying to cover up something?????? Or like you're untrustworthy and must be hiding because you're a Bad Person instead of just not wanting to label yourself.
Can I just please not be forced to label myself for everybody else's comfort?
I feel like that information is so personally intimate anyways like unless you know me and we're close, why do you even care? I don't think it's necessary for the first stages of getting to know somebody even though in this culture we've normalized it to be that way.
Plus if I don't give you a name then I have the opportunity to earn one. Give me a name that you think I deserve and let it be what you honor me by instead! How about that? It's probably the only way I'll be comfortably perceived since some people will change my labels as they see fit regardless. Just call me what you like, I feel like my name/pronouns have been corrupted as is
#i feel weird about having a name and a gender and pronouns assigned to me.... such a weird thing to make a big deal#i mean it's a big deal as in you need to write names down for job apps#and when i walked in to request for emergency aid the person looking at my case asked for my pronouns#which just felt so irrelevant and it didn't make me feel any more respected#and i can tell some people are so uncomfortable using the pronouns that i say are mine that they'll opt out for ones they give me instead#which is like WHY DID YOU ASK IF YOU WERE JUST GOING TO DO THAT ANYWAYS#silly things just don't make sense and to me they bring more trouble than they're worth#those things have been used as weapons against me so why keep giving ammo yk?#also i like the process of earning a nickname#one time this girl got offended that i reffered to her as snake girl the second time we met and i was like???#imagine being offended that somebody remembered you for having 4 corn snakes instead of using your boring old name#like when people call me fuwa i feel like they're honoring me as a blogger#i get it i get it this culture is just so strictly uncreative and boring#if i had a cool new name from each person who knew me i would be so cool with that#like if somebody i met found out i liked sasuke and then started referencing to me as sasuke boy i would actually be so happy#idk dude#also sorry to that girl for calling her snake girl but honestly her loving her 4 snakes actually felt more significant to me than her name#in other cultures they refer to parents as “[insert child's name]'s mom/dad” and it's actually seen as being so respectful#like it's the family bond that gets honored instead of the individual and idk maybe some people take that to be a negative thing but#imagine as a parent loving your kid so much and then everybody identifies you as the parent who loves their kid#maybe that's dehumanizing in a sense idk#i see it as an honorable thing to be bestowed by others#yeah maybe people can be mean and call you “poop boy” for the one time you shit your pants while drunk#i get not liking being called “poop boy” but like dude... you're a legend and the story behind you earning that name would be legendary#idk i guess it's all about perspective#i don't know if I'm making sense#feel free to share thoughts#late night blogging
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im genuinely the dumbest person alive
#im so fucking angry with myself im SO stupid#like yes im only 20 ive never really handled my finances alone before#this is only my second year of paying rent EVER there was bound to be mistakes#and im lucky to have a family that can support me when those mistakes inevitably occur. but my fucking goddddd#basically i didnt plan ahead and turns out my TOTAL student loan for this year covers my TOTAL rent this year#but ofc the installments dont cooperate and the sums are different per semester etc#so instead of looking ahead and going 'oh shit my last loan won't be enough to cover my last rent installment'#and using that very easy to make observation to figure out that i need to be saving the leftover money from my loan throughout the year#i instead went 'omg i have leftover loan this term!' and fucking spent it#im short £600. im going to owe my parents £600#and yes in the grand scheme it's not a huge amount of money like it could have been#but not only will i not be able to pay my parents back until july bc i CANT take out of my america savings#and i definitely cant start saving up £600 ON THE SIDE OF TRYING TO SAVE A GRAND FOR AMERICA#but on top of that being in debt to my mum is the worst thing in the entire world and now i have no choice but to be in debt for 3 months#before i can even start paying it back. like that's 3 entire months that she's going to use it as a stick to beat me with#like not only does she sometimes REFUSE to take money that i earn waitressing bc she insists on having the debt paid through actual labour#but she's also just a complete bitch about it and i know it's very spoilt to expect not only to be covered when i get into debt#but to also expect her to be nice about it but like. im not asking her to CODDLE me i get initially it makes sense for her to be angry#but she could at least acknowledge that i ALWAYS beat myself up over shit like this way more than anyone else will#like im so mad rn im trying not to cry just bc im so FRUSTRATED and the entire time she's fucking shouting in my face#about how she moved out at seventeen and had three jobs at uni and no one to support her etc etc#and just name-callling shit im already calling myself like it was an HONEST MISTAKE#she's acting like i purposely went behind her back and took £600 when i was very visibly horrified when i figured it out#and i immediately came clean to her regardless of how scared i was to admit it. im just so mad like i know i sound spoilt#and like im huffing and puffing over something that could have been SO MUCH WORSE if i didnt have my parents to cover me#but like. i can pay her back within 2 WEEKS of waitressing. ive never handled my rent before. i didn't do it on purpose#and im more annoyed with myself than she can ever be and she KNOWS that about me. so like. please dont shout at me lol#it's just i was SO proud of myself for saving for america and how hard ive worked and i should have known i was gonna fuck it up somehow#& now the £1500+ i'll total have saved for america that i worked so hard for is gonna be tainted bc i owe £600 all bc of my own stupidity#hella goes home
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